#I'm just putting here my rational thinking of the path I'm choosing for my life

[lynaferns]

I've been thinking lately that I could do good with a cleaning stairs job. When I told this to my mother she suggested cleaning offices was better. I'll have to look into it...

Look, if I have a job that pays while I'm doing something I'm able to, I'd be helping my home get money in + I'd have better savings and be able to pay for more stuff for myself (like fixing the humidity problem in the wood and remaking my room) + I'd be able to draw in my free time + I'd get out of the house and change ambience + I'd exercise a bit... The list of positive stuff is longer than the negative. Only bad thing I can think of is soreness for the first months and the anxiety episodes I have the first days I try something new.

When I was in that professional cook formation class we had to clean the kitchen everyday before we left (obviously). The kitchen would be very dirty by the end of the day (cuz people didn't care about making a mess and staying longer cleaning, because we didn't have to clean only what we got dirty, we have to clean after ourselves and everyone else teamwork style, except the people would be purposely careless because "I don't have to clean this part today, is other one's turn this week").

I remember that everyone's whole ass at cleaning wasn't even my half ass. The teachers recognized this and sometimes had me supervising other people's cleaning. So I'm figuring my whole ass would be good for cleaning buildings.

I'd just need some gloves and a mask.

"but you are a good artist, why not take advantage of that? why not get an art related job? Or do commissions?"

Because I do badly working on demand for something creative. My art is still a hobby, and it's not like I can control when I have artblocks, if it becomes a job I have to do everyday I'll lose the passion and motivation I need for it.

I don't get why people think we have to live off our passions or talents. Being good at it doesn't mean you want to do it everyday for others.

Mental health is also a factor to have in mind.

[softringing]

Its now basically confirmed Sampo is from planet Kalevala according to the new textmap leaks for his upcoming event :)

Ok I think our theories of him being forged by SOMEONE or some aeon is slowly becoming true BUT the question is who?

It could be the HSR alternate of Illumiren that crafted sampo or even the Preservation. Why do I think that? Well simply put, preservation is trying to preserve anything it can possibly do-- and additionally, qiloph has a giant hammer, it would make sense for them to "make" sampo, not only for the sake of Belebog but also Kalevala who is in a similar situation as them.

The poem Sampo singing in these leaks literally talk about HIMSELF and I'm pretty sure the word "Sampo" is going to be highlighted in yellow/red during the game BC of these odd "RUBY" text around it, just to emphasise something about SAMPO.

Sampo happily singing about himself or his supposed "purpose" makes me think he's a mix of 3 paths (as in he believes in them or he embodies them in some way):

The Preservation-- he has been consistently running around belebog behind the scenes, even as far as going to penacony to get his mask back from sparkle. He's obviously trying to *preserve* belebog and save it from destruction

Elation-- this is pretty obvious. Sampo braking the 4th wall, his mask, his talk with Giovanni and scamming people. But something that doesn't add up I think is him not having his mask during the belebog quest. I think the reason why he didn't have his mask was not only BC he was retired as many people mentioned but ALSO the fact that the masks that the fools carry can corrupt them. If U watch Sparkle's myriad celestia trailer, U can tell she's being possessed by someone else like an evil spirit and how her mask has half red, half white parts. But then I think ABT Giovanni who has the same feature on his mask but doesn't seem possessed like sparkle herself. He seems very similar to Sampo, calm and rational which explains why SAMPO'S friends with him in the first place. But even then sampo seems to refuse sharing his beliefs until someone asks him and I think that shows his reluctance to return to elation

Nihilty-- this is SAMPO'S ingame path and I didn't only choose it BC it was his ingame path. You see elation and Nihility are practically the same thing. Both believe that life is nothing/joke but the only thing that sets them apart is that nihility just does nothing and awaits for that meaningless end, while the elation is just like "if everything is meaningless than I might just have fun". I feel like Sampo does fall under this category and his backstory will have elements linking to the nihility but that's just my speculation.

I also suspect that sampo was hired by Elio like sparkle BC how else does he know the future? I thought that since sampo may be the emanator of elation, it might relate to that but if he did know the future, during the penacony masquerade duet quest, why did he make a surprised expression when sparkle said she wouldn't give his mask back as a joke? Shouldn't he have known that sparkle was joking if he knew the future? I don't think he was acting here

so I'm thinking that perhaps, Sampo was also hired by Elio. There isn't much to prove this, but if you have a look at firefly's trailer, you can see the stelleron hunters walking on a bridge located in belebog

Also, I think a person on twitter found a note in rivet town from blade saying "you will never get away from me" (dan Heng I pity U).

Since the stelleron hunters didn't take the stelleron from belebog, and let tb do the work, why were they even there to begin with? To give sampo the script methinks.

Anyway, what do you guys think?

[supersoftly]

My mom was telling me she remembers from her childhood that they were still receiving American condensed milk rations post WWII, and her younger brother was only just a little too young to remember that before it got phased out. They really pushed in public schools at the time to "finish your plate or you don't go home", which now is considered almost fiendish, but at the time, where a country had just barely survived and was doing it's best to avoid mass starvation, it was law that probably saved more than hindered.

It just reminded me personally as someone who is lucky enough to be outside of war that I think we forget how difficult life is even after recovery; the country and its people are still there, still growing and living and trying to get back to a sense of normalcy, even after being exposed to the deepest depths of human cruelty and suffering. War feels like the blade that keeps cutting away, even after it's over, yet we all have to deal with the consequences of the choices of people who may no longer even be alive anymore. And it's not like my mom is super old either, it was just how things were, especially in rural Japan where a new house on the block was considered a big event.

Recovery simply just doesn't happen overnight, it happens in each generation with what we give and take, and also with what we choose to leave behind. If we only choose to carry the burdens of the past to lay at the feet of the future, expecting them to carry it, where are we going but only towards a future where children will always bear the responsibility of our cruelty and evil? Is this really the path towards a future where we raise up and support the human experience to a much grander scale, where we minimize the suffering of all innocent people and work together towards something better than what we had prior? I want to believe in our vast interconnectedness, people find each other closer than they ever did before on an unprecedented scale and this is what will raise us up as a human race, simply communicating with each other as the necessary step towards real peace... And I really haven't changed my mind, even with everything going on, with the lies, the propaganda, the control of information... People still actively choose not to pass on hate as their sole inheritance, even when hurt beyond understanding, there is deep resolve and courage in those who continue to choose love when the rest of the world permits otherwise.

This ramble really didn't have a purpose in mind, just thoughts rotating in my brain, and I suppose putting clearly to words why I'm grateful as a hafu that both sides of my family chose love when they easily could've blamed each other given the circumstances. And I know some people will always believe and vocalize that my family made the wrong choice in the grand scheme of things, but for me, the simple happiness of being here today, having the time to just exist alongside my husband and my children, is a joy that keeps stoking the fire to a thankful heart.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

The Slow Path

If you feel like it, I was wondering if you could write something for Sanders Sides using the trope where the villain gets captured by the heroes and put into a rehabilitation program, and they expect to be, like, tortured or whatever but the heroes are being genuinely kind?? – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: allusions to past torture and captivity

Pairings: anxceit

Word Count: 3197

When Deceit is finally captured, the world holds its breath as the trial for the supervillain ends with...a compromise. No ordinary prison can hold the slipperiest convict in history, so instead, he'll be transferred to the heroes' complex for rehabilitation. For Virgil, a hero who fought Deceit many times and spent far too long in his captivity, being assigned as his primary care supervisor is...far from ideal. These things take time, after all. Time that has to be willingly spent. The two of them walk the slow path as Janus figures out where to go from here.

"After what I put you through, I'm amazed you can still stomach being in the same room as me." Despite the injury, Janus's gaze was as dark and piercing as ever. Virgil still struggled to meet it and kept his eyes trained on his task instead, grateful for the excuse not to.

"Hold still."

"So scared, even now," Janus continued softly, "poor thing. Have you stopped waking up screaming yet?"

Virgil pressed down on the wound at that, viciously. Looked up. Glared. "They told me to save you. They didn't tell me to make you comfortable. So shut your mouth."

Janus hissed through his teeth, turning it into a low chuckle as Virgil turned to grab more supplies. "That's it…get it out. Maybe it will help you sleep better."

Virgil took a deep breath in an effort to make his hands stop shaking. This was just another patient. Just another patient. He was a professional, he could do this. Every life is deserving of saving, no person should be left untreated, especially when it was this bad.

"I can see the gears turning in your little head over there," came Janus's voice, "trying to rationalize what you're doing."

"I'm trying to remain professional in a stressful work environment, actually."

"Aw, do I make you nervous?"

"Yes," Virgil replied blandly, going back to work, "keep as still as you can, please."

"Mm…please," Janus sighed, shifting despite the warning, "I did miss hearing that pretty word from your lips."

A cruel smile touched the corners of his mouth.

"Although…you didn't say it right this time."

Virgil gritted his teeth, trying to lose himself in the clinical analysis of what needed to be done. He needed to close before the villain lost too much blood, but there still might be debris that could cause infection. Of course, trying to find the debris might be more of an issue in and of itself…

"Look at you," Janus said, "you're trying so hard to be so strong…when we both know you'd rather run right out of this room and never come back."

Virgil swallowed.

"Don't you remember last time you got locked in a room with me?" Janus's hand turned and brushed his arm as he leaned forward again. He couldn't stop the flinch. "Did you miss it as much as I did?"

"No."

"Oh, now, I don't believe you." Janus grinned. "I think you do miss it. Look at how complicated things are out here…nothing is easy. You have to guess yourself all the time, no such thing as a black-and-white decision."

He indicates his prone form.

"Even now, you could choose to let me die. With the scope of my injuries, no one would suspect you. And who could blame you? After all I've done?" Janus's gaze sharpens. "But you would wriggle and writhe with that pesky moral compass of yours, wouldn't you?"

"I'm not letting you die."

Janus hummed. "But part of you wants to. The part of you that still wakes up at night screaming. The part of you that's still there, with me. The part of you I made."

Virgil just reached for another piece of gauze. His hand didn't shake.

"But with me…oh, you didn't have the burden of complicated 'decisions.'" Janus watched as Virgil picked up another tool. "All you had to worry about was pleasing me and staying alive. Things were simple, easy."

He tilted his head when Virgil didn't say anything.

"Don't you think?"

"I think," Virgil said, frowning at the wound, "that unless you want to risk shrapnel getting into somewhere you really don't want it to, you should try and be quiet for at least thirty consecutive seconds."

Without letting Janus respond, he picked up a sharps container and went for the biggest pieces.

"Easy," he murmured as he worked, "you're doing great. I'm almost done."

"So considerate," Janus hissed, "are you like this with all your victims?"

"You can ask them."

"After you send me to my grave?"

"After you're cleared to stand trial." He dropped the last piece into the container and set the tools aside. "That's everything. Good job."

Janus didn't say anything as he began to stitch the wound closed. His hands didn't shake anymore, steady as could be as he threaded the needle.

"You'll need to give them at least a week before they can come out."

"You're good at that," Janus said quietly, missing its usual malignancy and seduction.

"Practice makes perfect. You shouldn't even scar, though I won't promise it."

Janus narrowed his eyes. "What are you doing?"

"Stitching you up. It's not safe to use staples or glue on a wound like this, though you will need to limit movement for a while—"

"Stop it," Janus interrupted, glaring at him, "stop it now."

"Stop…stitching you up?"

"Stop pretending," he snarled, "stop the whole kindly doctor act."

"One, this isn't my 'kindly doctor' act, and two…"

Virgil paused as he glanced up, words stilling on the end of his tongue. He looked at the villain. Janus's glare was fierce, but lacked the significance of scowls past. It looked almost misplaced on his face, almost like he couldn't recognize it.

He glanced at the rest of him. Janus's knuckles were white on the bed covers, his muscles tensed like he wanted to run. Did the painkillers wear off?

Or…

Virgil's eyes widened.

Janus was scared.

"I think," Virgil said slowly, "that you're the one that misses it."

Janus scoffed. "Why would I miss you? You were fun as a toy, but really, you—"

"It was easy," Virgil interrupted quietly, "it was simply. You had all the control and I hated you. You didn't have to ask."

He scoffed again, but it was weaker.

"And now we're here," he continued. He gestured around the quite pitiful room. "And I'm helping you. And you can't understand why."

"You must be so proud of yourself," Janus spat, "do you feel smart now?"

"I'm stealing almost verbatim from my therapist, actually." Virgil picked up a new tool and laid it under his hands. "I suppose I should thank you."

"Thank me?"

"Not many people have the chance to confront their trauma like this," he said, "so…yeah, thanks."

Janus stared at him.

"I'm going to finish stitching you up now," he said in a quiet voice, "tell me if anything hurts. Your painkillers should be wearing off soon."

Janus didn't say anything as Virgil continued to treat his wound. As he worked he began to take pains to be gentle, to warn Janus if anything in particular was going to hurt. Janus never responded, but he saw the fist near his arm loosen and go slack against the covers.

Had anyone ever treated Janus like this before? Had anyone ever shown him kindness? Or had he always stitched himself up, put himself back together behind closed doors where no one could see?

"There," he murmured, tying off the last suture, "all done."

He packed up his supplies and turned to leave, placing a new dose of painkillers and water on the nightstand. There came the quietest 'thank you' as he shut the door.

***

    After the trial, he found a small bottle of his favorite liquor on his desk with a note that said: As part of my compensation. – J

***

    "You're not injured already, are you," Virgil said when he walked in to see Janus near his desk, "or is training with Remus as tough as I remember?"

"He didn't hurt me," Janus said, but the tone made him pause.

This wasn't pride, this wasn't irritation, it wasn't even derision.

It was confusion.

"No," Virgil said gently, coming to touch Janus's shoulder, "no, he didn't."

***

    The stitches didn't scar. Neither did any of the other wounds Virgil treated when Janus came to him first.

He tried not to take too much pride in that.

He failed.

***

    "Why do you do this," Janus asked one night as Virgil carefully cleaned a wound on his face, "what do you get out of it?"

"I know this might be hard to believe, but being nice and kind to people makes me feel good."

"Why?"

Virgil reached for another antiseptic wipe and cupped Janus's face, thumb lightly pressed to the underside of his jaw. "Because I decided that other people deserve to live in comfort and safety, and so helping them makes me happy."

"It's that easy?"

"Easy," Virgil laughed, "no, not easy. But worth doing."

When he applied the bandage over the scrape—a minor thing, really, the result of an accident and nothing intentional—he felt Janus's hand tentatively grip his sleeve.

***

    "I hurt someone," whispered into the quiet of Virgil's private quarters late at night over glasses of water and cups of tea, "today."

Virgil set aside his book and looked up at Janus as he stared off into space. He folded his hands and waited. After a few moments, another shaky breath came from the bed and Janus's hand flexed.

"I didn't mean to. I just—I just said something. They were—they were talking about me and about you and I just—I just—"

He swallowed, the soft glow of the lamp tracing the roll of his throat with golden fingers.

"How do you do it," he whispered, "how do you—defend people without hurting them?"

Virgil was quiet for a long time. Then he sighed, "I don't know how to answer that, Janus. It's…it's just a matter of trying."

"I don't know how to do that."

He held him until they both fell asleep, tracing the patch of skin where a scar might have been.

***

    "They're sending me out into the field."

Virgil looked up from straightening his tools. Janus looked at him, fingers still twitching on the doorknob. "Are you ready for that?"

"No." He took a deep breath and pushed his shoulders back. "But I'm going anyway."

"Well, if you get yourself hurt, you know where to come."

***

    After the thirteenth mission, he stopped coming to Virgil before he left.

Even after they lost count, he kept coming after he came back.

***

    "Whatever you're doing," the supervisor said to him when he passed Virgil in the hall, "keep doing it."

Great, Virgil wanted to say, the moment I find out what that is, I will.

***

    When he looked up to see Janus standing there, fiddling with the doorknob again, he set down his paperwork and stood, reaching for the cabinet.

"No, I'm not hurt."

"What's up, then?"

"I, um…they asked me out for drinks."

Virgil paused, blinking. "Who did what, sorry?"

"The—Roman asked me if I wanted to join him, Logan, and Remus for drinks."

A strange feeling curled in Virgil's chest. "Do you want to join them?"

"Yes."

"You don't need permission from me to enjoy yourself, Janus," he said gently, "if you want to go, you can."

The feeling didn't leave as Janus smiled and turned to go, nor did it vanish when it became a regular thing.

***

    Janus didn't come back after he returned from his last mission and Virgil told himself it was fine.

***

    Logan asked him out for drinks alone. He finds out from Remus. He told himself it was a good thing.

***

    Janus told him about Logan's new fascination with a TV series as Virgil patched him up after a rough training session. He smiled and laughed through the whole thing, not wincing as Virgil applied compresses and bandage wraps. He didn't even blink when Virgil accidentally pulled it too tightly.

"You and Logan seem to be getting along well," he said, unable to keep the maelstrom of emotions out of his voice.

"Yeah, we are." Janus grinned. "Don't worry, sweetie, you're still my favorite."

He sent Janus away with too much of a blush to hide.

***

    The blush didn't stop coming back again, and again, and again.

***

    "I'm doing this for you!"

"You shouldn't be redeeming yourself for me, you should be doing it for your own sake."

Janus raised his eyebrows. "Sweetie, you really think I give a fuck about redemption for my sake? It's for you. You are the only thing here worth being good for."

Virgil blinked, stunned. "That's—I mean—well—"

A familiar smirk crossed the once-villain's face, a gleam in his eyes. But it was softer now than it used to be. "My life belongs to you, don't you remember? The second you saved it, saved me."

He took a step closer.

"I'm yours."

"You're just teasing me," Virgil mumbled.

Perhaps, but only because the words were devastatingly effective and couldn't possibly be sincere, lest Virgil start to believe them.

"Teasing?" Janus laughed. "Oh, sweetie, you'll know once I start teasing you. No, that was nothing but the truth."

Virgil started to back away. Janus followed.

"Isn't that what you wanted? What all of you wanted? For me to be good? You spent so much time talking about it, going on and on about how good it was…"

"Okay, but that's—"

"And then you were right there, taking care of me, helping me, being good to me."

Virgil's back hit the counter and before he could move, Janus had his hands braced on either side of him. He looked up as Janus leaned into his space, voice softened.

"Is it any wonder, sweetie," he murmured, "that I want to be good for you?"

Virgil swallowed. They were too close. They were too close and Janus was being too articulate and too pretty. His hands twitched on the counter. "Now you're definitely teasing me."

Janus chuckled. "Yeah. Yeah, I am."

But he didn't move. In fact, he settled more comfortably against the counter.

"What're you gonna do about it?"

Virgil's face flushed. He tried to glare but Janus only smiled wider. He raised an eyebrow, looking Virgil up and down.

"For someone who was so squirmy every time they were captured," he said, soft enough not to arouse the worst of Virgil's instincts, "you're not trying very hard to get away from me. Could it be that you want to stay here?"

Virgil gritted his teeth. "Stop."

"'Stop,'" Janus mocked gently, "stop what? I'm not hurting you, am I?"

As a parody of the injury checks Virgil so often gave him, Janus leaned closer, stopping just shy of their chests bumping.

"I'm not even touching you," he whispered, mere inches from his ear.

"Stop," Virgil managed in a strangled voice, "please."

The once-villain froze. For long seconds, neither moved. Then Janus took a deep, slow breath.

"There was a time," he said softly, "when I would've given anything to hear you say that."

He dropped a hand, giving Virgil an escape route. He stood up a little, moving to one side, but not pulling away entirely—thank god, Virgil's not sure what he would've done if Janus had tried to move away. After another moment of hesitating, he felt Janus cautiously cover his hand with his own.

Virgil took several deep and shuddering breaths. Okay. Okay. He had to get himself under control, to calm down. Goddamnit, he was out of practice dealing with this version of Janus. Even the hesitant touch of their hands had him sighing, head falling forward onto Janus's shoulder with a thunk.

Janus tensed when Virgil's head made contact, then slowly relaxed.

"…was it the teasing?"

Virgil huffed. "Yes and no."

"You didn't use to react like that."

"Well, you were always trying to kill someone or do something awful. I had other things to focus on."

He could tell Janus wanted to make a joke, but he swallowed it and shook his head. "And the other part…?"

Yes, the more difficult part to explain. Virgil sighed again, leaning against the counter, closing his eyes.

"I never wanted you to mistake a forgiveness arc for a redemption arc."

"…am I supposed to know what that means?"

"The common perception of 'redemption,' the one that Patton likes to peddle, is uncomfortably Christian. And while I might have to listen to him sometimes, I don't have to listen to him about that." When Janus still looked lost, he continued. "The whole thing about atoning for what you've done, repenting, all that. Walk a mile on your knees so that people will see you've changed. That's not—that's not redemption."

"…no?"

Virgil shook his head. "No. That's not the point. No one else gets to look upon you and decide that you're a good person. We can make people stand trial and have consequences for their actions, yeah, but we can't morally deem you a good person. That's—that's like saying we're God."

Janus huffed. "Well, if anyone should have it—"

"No." Virgil shook his head. "No one should have it. Least of all me. I don't want it," he continued when Janus looked like he was about to protest, "I'm not asking for that power or that responsibility. I'll save the people I can save. I'm not going to judge them too."

Janus was quiet for a moment, running his fingers over Virgil's hand absentmindedly. "Shouldn't I be forgiven," he said after a while, "if I'm…redeeming myself?"

"Forgiveness and redemption do not equate."

"Something else Patton peddles? Along with every TV and movie ever?"

"Yes. Look, I forgave the people who hurt me for the first ten years of my life." Something dark flickered over Janus's expression. A familiar anger, though never directed for them, so it took a moment to recognize it. "Even though they never earned it or asked for it. Does that make them good?"

"No." Janus's hand tightened. "Who—"

Virgil flipped his hand over so their palms pressed together. It startled Janus into silence; the contact, although it was chaste, still made Virgil's head spin. He took a deep breath, buzzing slightly.

"So," Janus said in a slightly strangled voice, "I shouldn't ask you to forgive me?"

"What?"

"I want you to forgive me," Janus continued, voice soft and unsure, "what if I want you to forgive me?"

"…want or need?"

"Want." Janus pressed a little closer, still giving him a way out. "What if I want you to forgive me? What do I have to do?"

Virgil swallowed heavily. "Why…why do you want me to forgive you?"

Another gentle scoff left Janus's throat and he smiled ruefully. Moving slowly, he pressed Virgil's hand over the spot on his side where a scar never had the chance to form. "Haven't you guessed, sweetie?"

***

    Give me time, he'd said, and Janus had left.

Give it time, his therapist said when he asked her what he should do.

Give this time, he thought as he looked at the unopened bottle of his favorite liquor, note still attached.

***

    The bottle finds its way into Janus's new quarters, a different note attached.

If you want it, it's yours. I'll be in my room at 6pm this Saturday. – V

***

    It was never only about the liquor.

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[teeth--thief]

Thoughts on Sasha Korol? I think your response on him will be particularly interesting.

-R

Particularly interesting, you say? Is that a code for I'll add extra sass and shade to my answer? If so... you're probably right =D I'm kidding, I always try to be as subjective as can be... except for all the times I'm not subjective and settle for bullying. But I'll be kind this time... or will I?

Let's practice some armchair psychology on Leonid Toptunov's best friend, shall we? ...And by that I do just mean let's look at him a little more seriously than I usually do.

Whenever I say that I don't fully believe or trust him, I don't mean to attack his character - I do think that either his age or something else entirely (underlying mental issues, most likely related to trauma from the accident and subsequential events that unfolded afterwards like, oh, you know, losing his best friend and colleagues) must have taken their toll on him and so I do treat him like a sort of unreliable narrator. When your brain has barely had the time to finish fully developing and suddenly, overnight your life is in shambles, it's to be expected that you're not exactly going to act in the most rational of ways...

I don't want to say that, even when keeping all that in mind, Korol still seems slightly... odd to me... but, well, he does. For example, from Midnight in Chernobyl (from a bit about Yuvchenko):

(...) Natalia scoured the city for scarce and expensive ingredients to keep up his strength. She brought black caviar sandwiches to his bedside; his friend Sasha Korol came to visit and insisted he try ketchup instead. But Yuvchenko proved unable to eat anything, and he was placed on an IV.

What do you mean he basically tried to medicate his friend with ketchup?? I have... many questions... Is ketchup more nutritious than other foods condiments? I have a feeling this was out of sheer desperation to not lose another mate...

The whole bit about him not wanting to go with Toptunov to see the test because he was reading a medical journal is also, quite frankly, laughable. I wasn't aware that the magazine has a cool down and will disappear once you put it down, brother. Just say you were feeling kind of lazy that day, there's no shame in that.

Judging purely from his interview with Kupnyi, he seems to have lacked that burning passion for science we always see Toptunov described as having. Which is... just fine. You don't have to choose a job in a field you're super passionate about. I just thought it was worth mentioning since he seems to have had an attitude of well, it might as well be physics when choosing a career path. Anything but being sent to Afghanistan with the army (perfectly understandable).

He was most likely just as capable as Toptunov when it came to work, given that while Lyonya decided to become a SIUR, Korol stayed on a lower position by choice (or so he says), choosing a different path, basically.

He certainly made himself useful right after the disaster happened by everything from continuing to work on site to informing the families of the workers about their loved ones being transported to Moscow ect etc. Good deeds all around.

While he did not attend Toptunov's funeral (he was... on vacation... :| ), he attended someone else's not too long after:

Pictured closest to the grave (some speculated he's the other guy in the light shirt, second from the right, but I think otherwise, the shadows on his face have... a distinct look... I think.)

I will NOT comment on the fact that I think his relation with Lyonya was very close, closer than what I normally associate with typical friendships because I know fuckall about good relationships, so... who am I to judge.

I'm pretty sure that because of him there's a bit of confusion about who Toptunov's girlfriend was - not that it's an important piece of information TO YOU - but it's significant enough to consider. I won't get into that here, though, this is not about the fact that because two people mention two seemingly different women, it seems as if he had two girlfriends (good for him, I wish I had two girlfriends... one would also be more than acceptable).

Same with the whole "fight" he reported Toptunov as having with the tutor during uni - I don't know how, if he was apparently indeed involved in what happened after - he could have misremembered that while remembering other details about it. Unless he's misrepresenting what happened on purpose, that is, but that's also a questionable hypothesis.

I think that's that when it comes to my general "overview" of him... If I remember anything else later on, I'll make sure to add it to the post in a reblog or something.

[nayruwu]

I really love the tragic trio- mahiru guren and shinya, also the fact that all of them have different personality, I wanted to ask

A) What would mahiru have done:-

1)if she was in shinya's place (like everything he has been through since cat16 to vamp reign.. in short)

2) if she was in guren's place

B) what would guren had done if:-

1) he was in shinya's place

2)he was in mahiru's place

C) what would shinya had done if:-

1)he was in guren's place

2)he was in mahiru's place

Ik this can be really long, therefore just geve a summary if possible. I am just trying to understand how their personality are different in comparison to each-other.

I may be biased but since shinya has the least screen time amongst them, I mainly want to know how what he has been through can affect others and what he would have done if he was in their place. But still I luv the trio 💞😘

i put this off for way too long i am so sorry - the complexity of those questions did scare me a bit i'll admit. but since i recently reread the novels they are now fresh in my mind and i think i'll be able to answer them better now than before!

i will think about it generally, because the matter of how they would influence each other were they to switch places is too complex for me.

first of all - mahiru is incredibly ambitious, she knows exactly what she wants and she doesn't care what she has to sacrifice or how many people she hurts in the process. but in shinya's place, what could she have done? shinya did think about paths he could take, prove himself, overthrow the hiiragi, but he recognised that he lacked the power and searched for a different goal. mahiru would probably not accept that, seek contact with the hyakuya sect and destroy herself trying to break free. the same goes for guren's place, except she would have more opportunities to access research and turn into a demon more quickly, lol. so in the end, i think she would always end up in the same place. she would not accept friends as the meaning of life and go peacefully like shinya did. nothing but destruction in this girl's path.

as for shinya, he's just... very rational, and accepting of the things that happen to him. so i think he'd resign himself to his fate and just try to make the most of what little time and opportunity he has. maybe he'd want to try and break out, too, but in the end he would not be willing to give up his sanity and struggle so badly when what he wants in the end is to protect shinoa. in the ichinose clan, i feel like his goal would be preservation more than salvation, a bit like sakae.

and guren is a mess. somehow i'm still not an expert on him after years, @cannibalfrodo maybe help me out here, but the thing is - mahiru is on one end of the spectrum, shinya is on the other (like day and night. heh), and guren is somewhere in between. he can't choose anything, he can't really decide what he wants, he confuses me to hell and back. he wouldn't want to give up everything for power, but he'd be tempted and unable to choose the safest option. it might also end up in destruction and chaos like mahiru, but shinya did work hard to keep him in check. his choices depend on both of them specifically, which is why this question sadly is too difficult for me to answer, at least regarding mahiru's situation. i do think guren would have died in the hiiragi training facility because he is simply too baby. eventually he would have come face to face with a friend, and eventually he would have let them kill him.

[liskantope]

This is one of those things I probably shouldn't be talking about at all and certainly can't in many real-life social situations, but it's persistently enough on my mind nowadays that I kind of want to get it in writing.

[As is purely very personal, I'm inspired to put it below a cut as I notice others often doing. Content warning for whining in a way that I'm sure some will find insensitive.]

While I'm grateful not to have female biology while being in the second half of my 30's, partnerless, and still holding out hopes of having children, even without satisfying that first condition I am still getting quite caught up in worrying about how I'm going to both wind up with someone and wind up having children with that someone. It's getting to feel a lot more complicated, so that as much of a miracle it'll seem just to find a long-term partner, finding one that I can have kids with seems even more remote.

And it puts me in a position where I could potentially find myself in a very tricky dilemma, where I may very well have to choose a partner over the chance of ever becoming a parent, because there may be someone who crosses my path and is a wonderful person for me in almost every important way except for not wanting to have kids or (as is becoming more likely by the year) being too old to have kids. And I might find myself having to make a decision based on the fact that (1) kids can't realistically happen without a partner; (2) my desire for a life partner is much more immediate and raw than my desire to have children; (3) realistically speaking, I'll be incredibly lucky at this point to find someone who fulfills enough of the qualities I'm looking for in a partner to feel confident that we'd have a happy marriage even modulo the kids thing; and (4) at the same time I'm absolutely terrified of not being able to keep up with life stuff as a parent anyway. I really don't know how to evaluate a (very plausible) hypothetical choice of deliberately sacrificing one major goal like that to avoid the risk of sacrificing two; it's a particular case of the more general conundrum of how to deal with mixing rational, pragmatic decision-making with life choices that are supposed to be guided by deeply-felt emotions and the way I value another human being.

(I'm choosing here to assume that if I should become a father, it would be through the typical biological means with a female partner, because I don't think I'm likely to be attracted to someone who isn't a woman; meanwhile, adoption brings a whole host of complications with it so that I really don't feel inclined to consider it even though it's arguably ethically obligatory.)

This affects how I approach dating even now: at this point, my dating pool kind of has to include women in their late 30's or even around 40, and I hate ruling out someone for their age alone if they're otherwise great, and I wouldn't know how to bring it up with a woman I don't know very well yet. It's all really awkward, and openly talking about it at all almost feels like obnoxiously flaunting my biological advantage.

[thedragonagelesbian]

wait i have more for 'what if anders lived' :) cyrus letting him live and not knowing WHY in the moment that he did it. rationalizing it to himself a hundred different ways from, 'is it really right to kill him even if he wanted it?', to 'making him see the consequences and not run away'. but in the end he knows the real reason why: he's sacrificed so much and lost people he loved on the way here that in that single moment, even when he knew what he SHOULD have done... he didnt. even if he was hurt by anders pushing him away. even if death is what anders wanted, even more for it to be at cyrus' hands. the fact that no matter how he tries to rantionalize it, the right thing to do, what he should have done, was give anders that 'mercy'. but. would killing him be worth going through all that pain? again? so just this once, in spite of everything, he was selfish.

i need to go dig a hole somewhere and lie in it and W E E P I----

bc. you're so right. killing anders is still service to someone else. there's no catharsis or even justice there, especially as cyrus spends the rest of his life carrying that guilt and that grief around with him, literally dragging anders' corpse behind him in the form of the broken imperial chantry amulet soldered back together with anders' ashes. the pain of that death is another expectation, another weight he's taken and put on his own shoulders. even as anders tried so hard to absolve him of that blame, by asking in the first place--saying I’d rather it be him than anyone else. He’s the only one I trust to tend to the ashes and i'm glad it's you and This way, it’s my sacrifice, not yours and do you want to pay the price for this? // if it's you--the hurt... continues.

to think that cyrus would refuse that ask... that he would allow himself that selfishness...........................................................

here's the meta thing: when i initially conceived of cyrus' solo worldstate like five years ago, i decided that anders would be dead. cyrus existed as such a vague concept back then, and he was initially a much more traditional lawful good. still wary of/antagonistic toward the chantry, but not one to let its explosion go unpunished. furthermore, that he and anders had ANY relationship beyond the canon friendship did not occur to me.

i went into my first playthrough with cyrus so. so curious to see if i was going to change my mind about that. as i built out his and anders' relationship, i thought maybe....... and then i got to the justice quest. the lying, the manipulation, the guilt-tripping, it hurt cyrus so much.

but cyrus' personal pain has never been much of a motivator or a justification of anything, because he views his own suffering as secondary.

the real, key explanation as his creator for choosing that path for them was that anders asked for it. not super explicitly (at least on the friendship path), but between his dialogue in the last straw & one of his act 3 banters with isabela, it's clear that he thinks he should pay for this with his life. he believes that anyone would be well within their rights to dole out that punishment. and if that's the case, why not ask cyrus to be the one to do it.

cyrus would do anything he asked, because cyrus would do anything for his family, and anders is still his family. and because is there anything sweeter in this world than to be redeemed by his bloody, loving hand?

and cyrus says no.

he has grown so bitter and jaded and harsh at this point, and yet he chooses for a moment to be kind to himself.

and in so doing, as he has so many times before, he extends that kindness once more to someone who has taken advantage of it.

to be burnt and to try again, not out of naivety or foolishness but because he needs this for himself. he needs this to survive.

it's not forgiveness at first, it's not forgiveness for a long while, especially for varric, and even cyrus tells him to leave after sparing him. but it's an open door, and when anders chooses to walk back through it, cyrus can't deny to himself how happy he is to see him again.

and when a seeker of truth hunts them down three years later, varric tells her the version of things that keeps both his loves safe: that the champion of kirkwall killed anders that night.

[daphnebishop]

Daphne threw her head back with a dramatic fake laugh before dropping her eyes back to her sister with a withering look she didn't mean, "Hey," she said softer, "do you think you could put little gems on your fangs?" She tilted her head, "Like a little diamond or some like tiny little flower gem. Might be cute, better than your sucky pun." She teased. Daphne nodded knowingly, the industry while making some changes was still rife with a terrible diet culture that paved paths for disordered eating. "So if I made a blood chocolate cake, would it make the chocolate richer to you?"she wondered aloud while mentally trying to figure out what the blood to water ration conversion would be for a cake. Daphne sighed a bit and took a sip of her coffee, "It'd make sense to me...if it gets hots like why wouldn't it work?" Daphne reached across the table to take her sisters hand, "You don't have to remember it for it to matter," she said softly but nodded, "I'm glad you don't...for whatever that's worth, I'm just relieved you survived," and she did, for as far as Daphne could tell. "I don't understand what this must be like for you. I know it's different to put lightly, but I just- I mean, whatever you need I'm here for you."

Daphne's nose crinkled, "It's a ghost," she agreed with a sure nod. "If your soul leaves your body that's a ghost. I adore Bex, but that's ghost mode....don't do it again tho if you can help it, sounds risky." The more she learned the stranger she believed this place was. She had once believed the world was full of all the oddities and strangeness that she could know. She wasn't often proved wrong in her beliefs, but this time at least some good came from it. Daphne laughed, "I never thought you knew anything anyway, dum dum," she teased fondly; she didn't mean it. No, there was always this strange and deep understanding she had for her sisters. A love so tangled into the pieces of who she was that it hurt her to think of what life would be like without them. Worse, it traumatized her to have known what it was like without Ronnie. "You can practice right?" Daphne's face paled into seriousness, giving a small shake left and right, up and down and knitting her brows together, "Is there a lot of townie on townie murder happening here?" She whispered, leaning closer, "Like some sort of underbelly cover-up?" She didn't believe it, not really but in this place anything felt possible.

Daphne's chest tightened, guilt settling like a stone in the pit of her stomach, "I love..." she took a pause, adverting her eyes, "When you died, it was all I cared about. You know his parents, the image, the hell they could have put him through if he couldn't control me," Daphne rolled her eyes, "Half a life, a ruined life...I had to find where the hell your body had gone, and I had a lead through this real odd PI who was so cagey, Ron. I had to basically promise them my firstborn to get them to give me the information that led me here. So I had to leave without telling him up front," Daphne explained knowing that had she given him the chance he could have talked her out of it, could have convinced her to stay...she would have resented him for it, and loved him anyway.

"I wrote him a letter explaining, telling him as much as I could," she shrugged and in her heart she knew it was a cowards way, not enough by any stretch of the word. It was still all she had, it was the only truth she clung to. "I gave him a choice. I filed the divorce papers and left a letter. He had the choice to choose this half-life I could offer him or let me go." She shrugged her slim shoulders, "so if he loved me, in the end, he decided it wasn't worth it. He never replied, never called...now he is just here, and every time I'm reminded of it, it's like the wind is knocked out of me all over again...he didn't come for me, or for us...it's like some cosmic joke." Daphne huffed, "I'll be okay...just if you see him, it's not his fault okay. I fucked this up. But don't tell him I said that. Or anyone because I'll fucking deny it."

"Well, thank fuck for that, because you'd look like a ghoul if you got too pale," Daphne grimaced, gesturing about her sister's face, "Take your victories, you deserve them," Daphne said, knocking her coffee cup against her sisters in a sort of cheers. She'd live forever...one day Daphne would die, but Ronnie would still be here. She would survive and as long as it was a good life, a life she was happy to be living, then it would be fine. Daphne could live with that. Daphne snorted, "Okay...you may have all the time, but I am tenacious. Some would say stubborn but six one, half dozen. We are who we are and I'm not easily scared off," she mused a small smile behind the tip of a coffee cup. "If I get electrocution I'm going to get so good at it that I just give you bad hair days," Daphne gestured around her head, like the static of a balloon making hair stand on ends. "If not I'll just invest in a real nice tazer. Seems like you need it in a town like this."

"But I vant to point out your sucky pun, mwah ha ha," Ronnie said in a shitty Dracula accent, letting her fangs extend on the word "point." Forever was a really long time, period, one that she was constantly trying not to dwell on every single moment of every single day. She wrinkled up her nose slightly, more bemused than anything. "I mean, if you wanna attempt cooking with blood, I'm not gonna stop you. Regular food's fine, though. Not as filling, but, hey. I'm never gonna count calories again, you know?" She started laughing. "No, no, these are witch potions, Daph, not the faeries. Straight from the cauldron or, you know, whatever witches brew potions in. Coffee maker? Can you brew a potion in a coffee maker?" It brewed, right? So it'd make sense, at least to Ronnie. At Daphne's words, though, she lost some of her levity. "It almost doesn't feel worth it," she said softly. "To, you know, be angry or sad or upset. I don't remember turning. I don't remember... you know. I think if I did, I'd be more fucked up over it, but like that whole first week was a major blur." She was glad she didn't remember any of that. She didn't think she'd be able to stomach it.

"Yeah, yeah, they're so a thing, and apparently people see them!" Ronnie said, leaning forward with wide eyes. "And I totally was one. Okay, so, Bex said I wasn't a ghost, I just left my body, but what is that if not a ghost?" she asked, rushing her words. She looked at Daphne, wondering if she wanted to siphon, feeling almost guilty at the thought of it. "I... Okay, like, full disclosure? I also don't want to always know shit," she said, laughing as she rubbed the back of her neck. "I'm also not good at it. I'm a really shitty vampire. I can't figure out how to do the picking and choosing siphoning thing, and it's fun to do this shit where you, like fuck around with the shadows, but I'm terrible at that, too. But, yeah, yeah, I have to siphon to do the shadow magic; any magic, really. Otherwise it's just the other perks." Like breaking doors and running into trees and not sleeping. So fun. "Things are apparently like so much worse if you don't join your club thingy, in the long run. Just don't kill people," she said with a mock sternness. "I don't think they like it when you do that."

Ronnie looked at Daphne with sad eyes. "Is it a half life if it was with someone he loved? I don't... I don't really know the circumstances," she said quietly. "I don't know what you were going through. I don't know how it was with him. I just remember that he really fucking cared about you." It had made her jealous, almost. Daphne had gone through three marriages, sure, but the last one had seemed right. Jesus, if Daphne and Nate couldn't make it, then what fucking hope did Ronnie have? Not that she wanted to make it, right? Not that she had anyone to make it with.

"I can still tan," Ronnie laughed before sobering. "And I... yeah. Yeah, I live forever." She looked down at her drink again. How the tables had turned. Her family had all thought, not too long ago, that they'd outlived her. And now she was the one that would outlive all of them. How fucked up was that? "Hey," Ronnie said, pointing a finger at Daphne. "I thought I was, like, keeping you safe. I'd have kept up the song and dance forever if I thought it meant you wouldn't be stuck here with me and the supporting cast of a fucking Anne Rice novel." Still, she relaxed back in her seat, taking a sip of her coffee and nodding. "Do it for the perks. I got a fancy jacket and a nifty ring. Listen, if they let you chose-- I don't know how that shit works-- but if they let you choose, go for the flamethrower magic or, like, the electrocution shit. Just fucking start zapping people. But not me."

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

The money thing (part 2/2) - Daniel Ricciardo

Warnings: SMUT! angst, confrontation... and more SMUT!

This is it, guys! Buuut... I think I'm gonna keep this story going, what do you say? Shall we find out about how shopping with Charlotte goes, and the party, and just how (y/n) handles this new dynamic overall? As always, let me know what you think! Read part 1 here!

When you got back at home, you were barely inside the apartment and Daniel was already pushing you against the door, kissing you passionately. You go down the corridor half kissing, half walking, Daniel chasing you all the way. You run to his room and then inside the shower, taking off your sweaty clothes on the process. You guys get under the shower and the feeling of the chill water along with Daniel’s kisses on your skin is just too good.

“You’re unbelievable” he says, letting your feet touch the ground again. You wash each other clean after that, running your hands through each other’s body and memorizing every curve, every detail.

“You’re unbelievable” he says, letting your feet touch the ground again. You wash each other clean after that, running your hands through each other’s body and memorizing every curve, every detail.

After a while, you get out of the shower, dry your hair quickly then wrap yourself in a towel. You go to your toiletry bag on the sink and take your toothbrush out, brushing your teeth while Daniel finished showering. Then you take your hair cream and put some on, your hair is really starting to feel the damage with all this boy’s shampoo, you think. Then you take some skin serum and apply some drops on your face, spreading lightly. Man, you missed skincare and it missed you. Last step: body lotion. Daniel gets out of the shower and you know he's watching you.

“Why you’re pampering yourself all up?” He asked coming behind you and kissing your neck.

“I’m doing what I was supposed to do the last two nights…but got distracted” you smirk at him. He lifts his hands in mock defense. Then you open the towel and start spreading the cream on your stomach, then your legs, then your butt. He’s watching you still, so you smile. “You say you like my skin, well it takes a lot of creaming to maintain it”

“I thought that was my job, love” He says in a low voice from behind me, putting his hands on my hips.

“Not like-” you start but decide it’s not even worthy, he knows what you meant. You just swat him on the shoulder and he laughs, going back to the room.

“By the way” he says putting his head back through the door. “You smell amazing, so finish up and get your ass back in the bed so I can properly cream you up”

“Daniel!” Little shit. He laughs even louder.

When you go back inside the room Daniel is sitting on the bed, looking through his phone. You pass him towards the closet and decide to take a look at the clothes you brought with you, to see if there's anything you could wear to this party tomorrow. What do you even wear to a yacht?

You take a few outfits and place them in front of your body, testing them on the mirror, but nothing seemed appropriate.

"You want a shirt baby?" Daniel asks you out of nowhere.

"Hum? Yeah, sure" you answer him, hanging the clothes back in the closet.

"Are you looking for something for tomorrow? Just buy something with Charlotte" he said simply while putting sweat pants on.

"Yeah... I..." you took a deep breath, "It's just..." you tried to say, but nothing seemed to come out. You were scared he was gonna think you're being ridiculous.

"What?" he looked at you.

"Nothing, never mind" you gave up, putting on his shirt with your underwear and going back to his room. He followed you, wearing nothing but his sweat pants.

"I'm just guessing here, but I have a feeling it's a good one" he started, "It's the money thing, isn't it? You don't want to spend money buying an outfit for this party?"

"It's not that I don't want to, Dan. I just can't afford it!" you said raising your voice tone a bit. He just stared at you for a while. "I don't know if you've noticed, I'm not on a million dollars contract but I'm still living like I was!" you sat down on the bed, eyes filling with water. "I just can't do this anymore, sorry. It's killing me and it's so stupid, so petty, but again, it's not! Cause what would the solution be? You paying for everything? Me just becoming a leech? A gold-digger?" he was watching you quietly, but let out a laugh at that last part.

"Don't laugh! I'm serious!" you continued.

"Baby, listen to yourself. What do you want me to do besides laughing?" he smiled sympathetically at you.

"Well, I'm glad you're finding it amusing because I feel sick everytime the subject comes up. The clothes, restaurants, plane tickets... I can't be living like that, and it's not just that. It's also because I know there's only one way this is going"

"You finally understanding this is ridiculous and accepting the credit card I made on your name months ago?" he said sitting by your side.

"Us not being together anymore. We're just from too different worlds, it's not gonna work. You need someone that can keep up with this lifestyle" you said getting up and walking towards the bathroom.

"No, you're not!" he said pulling you back down to his lap by your waist. "Enough with this bullshit" he said kissing your face and wipping your tears away. "Tell me what the real problem is. This is not about money, money is only a tool, a means to something, we can't let it have this much power over us. There's always more where that came from" you just looked at him. He had a much more healthy relationship with money than you, maybe because he had so much to spare. "This is not about money. You're not greedy, I know you. You're just the polar opposite of it. The most generous person I know. Is that it? You're feeling guilty?"

"I think... kind of. It's not fair, how can I have so much, knowing that most people have never even seen that much money. We’ve spent the average person's paycheck on a meal, Dan!" you said.

"(y/n), baby... it's not your responsibility. You can't carry this weight on you. You already do so much for people, you volunteer and donate all the time... you can't deprive yourself because other people don't have the same opportunity, that wouldn't be fair either" he tried to reason with you.

"But what about you?" you asked.

"What about me?"

"I just... listen, I know, rationally I mean... that I don't handle the idea of money very well. If you must know, I couldn't even take money from my parents as a kid. I just can't help but think it wasn't fair to them and it's not fair to you, to spend it with me. It's yours! You worked hard for it! I’m literally leeching on you!"

"So, you agree? The money is mine, so I can do with it what I please?" he said.

"Yes, but-"

"Why can't I spend it with the person I love most in the world? Huh? What is so wrong with it? Even if I was choosing to spend it on you instead of on myself, which I'm not, why couldn't I?"

"I feel like I'm taking advantage of you"

"Baby, we're taking advantage of this life. I was given this unholy amount of money for doing my dream job. Can you see how rare and fucking blessed this is? I mean, I thought so, until I met you. I thought I knew what a good life was until you were in it. This is a good life, with you enjoying this fucking lottery ticket with me" he said pecking your lips and rubbing your back, while you leaned on him. "Is this why you wouldn't come to London with me?" you looked at him and nodded.

"Sorry about that..."

"No, I'm sorry I didn't push more on the subject earlier. This has been going on for long enough now. It's just money, (y/n). Just it. Just a tool for the wonderful life we lead together. You understand?"

"Yeah"

"Look at me" he said turning your chin to look at him. "Do you really? Will you let me pay for stuff now? Tell me whenever you have an expense or even better, will you accept the credit card I made for you?"

"I don't think that's necessary"

"Please baby. Let's try it my way? Will you use it from now on?" he asked again pecking your lips. "Say yes. Say yes, or I'll give you a minimal monthly spending goal as well" he smiled and you looked at him like he was crazy.

"I'm not comfortable with it"

"Just try, please? You can start by buying something tomorrow for the party" the look on his face changed and you knew he was about to tease you. "If you'd prefer, we can say you're buying something for me... you wanna be my sugar baby?" he laughed.

"Too soon to joke about it" you said but laughed anyway. "Okay" you said after a while, "I'll use it. But you have to promise me you'll tell me if you change your mind"

"You're scared I'll go in debt?"

"I know you would"

"Good. Because I would. For you. But I know you don't need me to, so if we run out of money we'll just be poor together. Good thing you have experience, huh?" he laughed.

"Asshole!" you swatted him on the chest.

"You know I'm joking. But you get it now, don't you? We're lucky enough we don't have to worry about it, so let's not worry about it. It shouldn't even take a second of our day, it doesn't matter. Us, being together and our happiness is what matters. Okay?"

"Okay. Thank you, for being so understanding. Sorry for being... you know"

"I love you. And I don't expect you to simply go on a shopping spree, although I do expect you to buy those plane tickets soon. But the thing is, I'm here for it, I'm here to solve every little obstacle that gets in our way, no matter what, no matter how silly you're being"

"You're being so mature about this" you smirked at him.

"Well, what can I say? Being the perfect human I am, I understand that other humans are not, I'm just humbled that I can guide you on your path of enlightenment" he laughed and you rolled your eyes. "In all seriousness now, you know why is that, don't you?"

"Why? Because you're just better than everyone else?"

"Well, yes. But also because I have it really clear in my mind what really matters. And that's you. Us. It's all that matters to me. Being good for you" he said looking into your eyes.

"I love you, so much. I don't deser-" he cut you out by kissing you deeply and pulling you closer to him.

You moved so you were straddling him now, your arms around his neck and your hands on his hair. His hands that were on your waist, keeping you closer, started to slip down your body, so he was holding your bum.

"I want you" he said against your lips. You smiled and started to grind down against him. You were only wearing his shirt, which was bunched up around your waist, and your underwear, which wasn't the sexiest piece you owned but you didn't think Dan would care. In fact, he didn't seem to care at all for your underwear, cause he was already slipping his hand under you, pushing the thin layer to the side, and sliding his fingers through your lips.

You moaned at the sensation, still sensitive from your adventures early in the shower. "I... Dan..." you begin to say, but couldn't form a full sentence.

"What is it, baby girl? You want to say something?" he whispered against your ear, sucking your earlobe lightly. Then he pressed his pointer and middle finger against your clit, circling them firmly against you and making you moan louder for him.

"I'm still sensitive from early" you said against his lips, laughing a bit.

"You want me to stop?" he asked looking at you deeply.

"No!" you answered almost too fast, making him chuckle. "Don't stop, please"

"Hum... since you asked so nicely" he said sucking on your jaw, then your neck. You took that opportunity to slip your hand down his torso, feeling his chest and abs, and then reaching for him through his sweat pants. He was rock hard already. This man is insatiable. You smiled at the sound he made when you grabbed him lightly.

"I just want to feel you inside me" you said pulling his pants down and out of the way. He lifted you both from the bed slightly to help you take them off, then you grabbed and lined him with your center, sitting down slowly, letting only the head in first.

“Babe, please,” it’s Daniel’s turn to beg now “I need you" and then you sink down on him, feeling all of his length while he bottoms out inside you. He sucks on your sweet spot, muffling the groan that comes out of his mouth.

"Oh my god Dan" you moan, dropping your head back and giving him even more access to your neck. You pull his hair a bit more, fingers clamped down so tightly you're scared you might pull his hair out. You stay like this, feeling him deep inside you, for a while. He pulls away to look you in the eyes and kiss your lips, massaging your tongue with his. It's so intimate, so truthful, like he said, the only thing that matters in the world.

"I love you" he says looking you deep in the eyes. You nod before replying because you want to make sure he knows you know. That you believe and trust him.

"I love you, so much" you say back.

Then you roll your hips, testing out the angle, and it's almost too much to handle. It feels like hours and seconds at the same time, but you find a rhythm together, a pace you can keep sitting on him, while he only worries about kissing you and keeping you both from falling from the bed.

You're sure you'll be feeling sore tomorrow. Actually, you already are. Your legs, tired from the running and all the sex you've been having lately, start to give out and you lose your strength. Luckily, Daniel seems to catch that before you have to say anything, so he brings his hands to your hips and starts to help you move up and down on him.

You sit up slightly, moaning at the different angle he hitting now and he groans, feeling you clench around him. "(y/n)" he moans your name, "baby, I'm go-" he moans, feeling you clench again.

"Me too" you reply.

"Where do want me to? Huh? I'm gonna cum for you baby" you kiss him, feeling your pussy spasm around him, making it even harder for him to keep a steady rhythm.

"Inside me. I need you to come inside me, please, please baby" and there's no time to think, to ask if you're sure. You feel his whole body tensing and his thrusts get sloppier. Then, when you feel the hot liquid spur inside you, he grabs a handful of your ass with one hand and slips his other in between the two of you, flicking your clit rapidly and precisely.

That's all it takes for you to lose it completely, your walls fluttering around him as your body trembles at the intensity of the pleasure.

You both ride your orgasms together, you rolling your hips slower and slower, and him holding you tighter and closer until you stop completely. The only sound being your heavy breathings.

After a while, you pull away to find him already staring at you.

"You are the most beautiful thing I ever laid eyes on" he says to you and you feel the warmth of his words.

"I'm yours. Forever" you say simply and kiss him lightly on the lips.

"I feel like I have so much to lose. It honestly scares the living shit out of me"

"I know what you mean. I feel the exact same, I promise. I don't know how I got so lucky to find you" you say.

"And I, you. But we're just being dumb, right? I guess it's good we know that, but also... that we're not going anywhere, right?" he asks and you can sense there's some insecurity behind his line.

"Right. We're only getting stronger" you say and kiss him again. "I love you, Daniel"

"I love you, so much" he says touching your foreheads. "Let me get something to clean you up, then we can cuddle the rest of the night"

"You're the only guy I know that likes cuddling this much" you smile getting up from him. He hisses a bit at the sensation but gets up right after you.

"You don't have to worry about other guys' preferences" he says rolling his eyes. Yep. If your thing is low self-esteem and money-related issues, his is definitely jealousy and overall insecurity.

"I don't, silly" you peck him in the lips. He seems to relax a bit and when he comes back from the bathroom his phone lights up, he goes to check on it after passing you the towel.

"Charles just texted Charlottes contact. I'll forward it to you, okay?"

"Yep" you answered and it was your phone's turn to light up. "Can I confess something?" you asked him, adjusting your clothes.

"Hum?"

"I'm really excited to hang out with her tomorrow. I kind of miss girl company during the GPs and even when I'm here in Monaco and you're busy" he smiled and put a shirt on.

"Look at you, making friends! How cute"

"Shut up" you playfully pushed him, while you guys climbed into bed. You texted her 'hello' and Daniel's address before locking your phone and adjusting in his arms. There's still a lot to figure out and you weren't sure you'd be able to handle the money thing any better. You hoped so, after all, you didn't know how much more Daniel can be understanding. But you could think about all that another time. Right now life was good in the arms of the man you loved and loved you back. You felt safe.

.

.

Tag list (this is so fancy! I've never done a tag list before haha): @scotlynaurora @your-favourite-blonde @unicornfairytail @c-d-9

@isntmadrid @lharrietg @sassybatflowerpaper

[madlymiho]

Hello!!!! If I'm right on time can I request spooky alphabet Casper, Frankenstein, kill, supernatural & Unexpected with Law & Zoro? If not then delete this.

Hey anon! ☺️ you were in time!

Law's S and F letters has already been answered, so I won't put it again here!

Thanks for requesting my alphabet! 🤓❤️ I hope you'll enjoy it!

Spookyvent #12

Zoro

Casper: Do they believe in ghost? Would they hunt for them? Do they believe in a life after death or are they down on the ground most of the time?

Zoro isn’t so much a believer (remember how he claims he didn’t believe in God even when he was in Skypeia?), so ghosts? Meh, possible, for sure, maybe it exists, maybe not. Who really cares? If they exist, well, he’s not afraid of them, and he’s more curious to know if he’s able to slice them in pieces rather than truly study them. Can he kill a ghost for a second time? That would be a nice thing to discover for sure! If Luffy believes it can be fun the hunt them and discover their existence wherever they are, yeah, for sure he’s in! Zoro lives for the thrill and the fun, and he’s probably the one who doesn’t blink when his captain comes up with the stupidest ideas. So frankly, Zoro is swinging between his non-beliefs in general, and the very fact that his world is a damn example of weird things happening. If it happens, it happens, he will only care if it can bring some fun and challenge in his swordsman’s life!

Frankenstein:  Favorite literature to read during this spooky period? Comics? Novels

Not that he’s the most idiotic man on Earth, but Zoro isn’t a thorough reader either. He sometimes borrows some comics to Usopp or Franky, he avoids to ask the damn cook for any kind of reading as well (because he knows what he will find), and he’s not really into very complicated books like Robin would enjoy. What can be his options? Chopper prefers to read medicinal books, Nami is into romance or navigation stuff, and Brook prefers some classical readings Zoro finds too boring to actually care. Perhaps if any of them could offer him a story with sword and war, he will pay attention and might try to read (if he’s not falling asleep during the process).

Nah, really, the best option remains in having a member of his crew (Robin, for sure), picking a very morbid and bloody story to read it out loud, so at least, he wouldn’t have to read it himself - especially not when someone can do it better than him!

Kill: What would be their most favorite way to kill someone? What is their method? Are they able to kill or would they get cold feet?

Killing isn’t what motivate Zoro to fight. He’s not looking for any sort of murder, and this is not the Straw Hat’s philosophy, on the contrary, they always prefer to try saving soulds rather than condemning them. Zoro will always make sure that he’s not deadly hurting someone, only seeking for the challenge of the combat rather than the death of his opponent. Even the most cruel ennemies he fought aren’t dead today, even if Zoro definitely has the power to end their lives.

Zoro has honor, despite his choice to become a pirate, and killing someone is a part of the forbidden thing of his own code.

Supernatural: What are their beliefs? Do they actually trust in supernatural existence in the first place?

Absolutely nothing, this guy is bulletproof to any kind of supernatural beliefs. You can put him a ghost, a god, a zombie, for sure he’s surprised, but he believes they are some kind of explanations, coming from the Devil Fruits in the first place. Real ghosts, real demons, all of these, he clearly thinks they are a myth and nothing else. He’s very rational, and would never pay attention this kind of stuff, preferring to live his life in peace.

Supernatural things aren’t a thing for a swordsman, he has to remain down to earth to prepare himself to claim the title of being the best fighter, and for that, he can only count on himself anyway.

Unexpected: What could really surprise them, what would be the most unexpected situations to spend Halloween for them?

Having a quiet celebration can be the only surprise for Zoro here. Quiet... the only world which would never define the Straw Hat and their chaotic vibes. It seems almost frightening to imagine that they can behave. Imagine how it can be so disturbing to have them all quietly seated around a table, eating in peace and soft voices, until they would all choose to sleep rather than doing some mischief in town?

So scary... It gives goosebumps to Zoro for sure!

Law

Casper: Do they believe in ghost? Would they hunt for them? Do they believe in a life after death or are they down on the ground most of the time?

No, definitely, Law doesn’t believe in ghosts. He doesn’t really believe in anything from the supernatural area, mostly because of his scientist mind for sure. Of course, as everyone, he has sometimes wished to be able to see his family again, or Corazon, because it could have offered him a bit of comfort when his days were dark and clouded. But right now, as the grown-up edgy man he is, frankly, ghosts are nothing but stories. Even in a world like the one he lives in, he can’t allow himself to really have hopes in those beliefs. So he doesn’t care, and wouldn’t hunt for them. Surely, he has better things to do.

A life after death? If he’s not certain about it, at least it hopes it exists. Probably because he wishes to see the people he lost once more. He wants them to forever live pain-free, in a soothing world they will all deserve. But it’s only his personal hopes, and not something he will share with anyone.

Kill: What would be their most favorite way to kill someone? What is their method? Are they able to kill or would they get cold feet?

It really depends on the person, Law would avoid killing someone if he can. He doesn’t believe it’s necessary, especially with the power of the ope ope no mi he has. After all, he can remove organs and uses them to balckmail those people, so killing innocents, or pirates, just for the thrill to kill someone else? No, really not for him. He’s also a doctor, and it would be a contradiction for him to assassinate everyone on his path.

Though, for the people who hurt his loved ones, you better be sure that death can be on the menu. He prefers to come up with a long prepared plan rather than just rushing to kill that person. His emotions are honestly blinding his judgement, and his way of killing might be utterly brutal, depends on what the person for sure. So yes, Law can kill, Law will kill if he has a good reason - he’s still a pirate after all - but he’s not thirsty for blood and can definitely control his wrath.

Unexpected: What could really surprise them, what would be the most unexpected situations to spend Halloween for them?

Probably endind up trick and treating with any member of his crew or some allies like the Straw Hat, or just... celebratring Halloween in the first place. The real surprise would be that someone eventually find the good arguments to make his change his plans. He doesn’t want to go outside, he doesn’t want to party, he doesn’t want to put a costume on... If anyone manages to make him change his mind, well, that would be quite a feat here! After all, Law hates when things don’t follow his plan, and he’s not very comfortable when something breaks what he has anticipated for days, or weeks.

For sure... He’s afraid of the chaos Hallowen can be if he’s around the Straw Hat for example, quite sure that he would have the most stressful night of his entire life for sure!

[snowydaffodils]

Underground

1473 words | Seventeen

Warnings: profanities, violence, mentions of character death, crime, and uh, its a mafia au so its dark. A bit angst too, because its uh, there's deaths and casualties. So we gon be sad about that.

a/n: This is a Seventeen Mafia!AU involving all members of Seventeen, including the ex-supposed-members, too. It includes everyone but the ones who appear is Seungcheol, Soonyoung and Jihoon. It's just a simple prompt I've thought of, and maybe would want to make continuous chapters but I'm still not sure. I hope you enjoy this one, though!

---

Seungcheol sighed, looking at the last of what they had for the week. With that much, they could barely survive food for all thirteen of them, much less feed the survivors. He gripped the straps holding his bulletproof vest on him and dumped the heavy armor on the old couch behind him.

"Is this all we have?" Seungcheol didn't mean to raise his voice, but his frustration was hard to contain. Across him, who for once he was away from his computer screen, was Jihoon, who shared his look of concern.

"With a couple more part times from a few members maybe we can have enough for the survivors as well this week," Jihoon sighed. "But for how much longer do we have to do this, Cheol?"

Born from the Underground, it was difficult for them to work normally in society. They have burdens to carry, and while it was their choice to leave their main families and leave the gangs they were part of, it also became their anchor because they were marked as betrayers.

Resources were hard to get because they weren't only blocked from the open society because of their records, blood and pasts, but also because their previous families decided that they would make it hard for them to gain anything in the Underground. Imagine being blocked off even from the black market.

Soonyoung was on the other side of the table, his guns still attached to his body, his full gear still on, he didn't bother taking anything off because the next mission is in half an hour. His face was grim, as he had just came back from a mission. He had just taken captives away from being trafficked by the infamous Kim family and he succeeded his mission perfectly, but not without cost. Minghao was unconscious when they brought him in, which frightened him on the inside, but he couldn't let his concerns be in the way of the mission. He had carried his member back, Junhui on the other side and Chan clearing anything that was in their path, and Soonyoung had the darkest look on his face. As soon as Jeonghan claimed Minghao's vitals were unharmed and that he would leave, Soonyoung breathed relief, took a few seconds to himself, but immediately went back to work as if nothing happened.

They were literally fighting for their ideals and for their own values, but it certainly wasn't easily. Being outnumbered was one problem when it comes to these mafias, but cutting off resources was proving to make them suffer even more. They have been trying to slowly put the other survivors into society, managing their housing, their jobs, and their identities, but it costs a lot and they can only return so few, when the number of people needed saving was only growing.

"We can't keep doing this," Soonyoung breathed out. Soonyoung was the type to bring the happy atmosphere in the room, one of those who just make the world a little brighter. But once he's on edge, he'd just turn and blow up. The casualty of his member and the stress on necessities were more than enough reasons to push him there. "We can't manage, we can't live like this!"

On normal days, Jihoon would've the more rational one, the cool-headed one, but he, too, was on edge.

"What do you suggest we do, huh? Spit your shit, Soonyoung!" Jihoon retorted. Every single one of them was being too sensitive, they knew this. They wouldn't mean the things they'd say, but they needed to blow off steam anyways.

"I don't fucking know, Jihoon!" Soonyoung cried. "Quit being superheroes!? Get a job, blend to society?! Maybe then Minghao can actually lay on an actual hospital bed!"

"You think I don't want that?" Jihoon snapped back. "You think I haven't been trying for the past years, to put all of you into society, put you to proper jobs, give you new clean identities without having to worry about shit?"

"Well it's all for nothing, isn't it?" At this point Soonyoung didn't realize the words he was spouting. "Tell me, what kind of growth have we gone through the years, Jihoon? Seungcheol, what makes this so different than when we first started?!" Jihoon just glared at him, knowing full well Soonyoung was just on rampage mode, and he wasn't thinking, but every word still struck his heart like spears would've. "Well it's not any different!" Soonyoung cried.

"Shut up, both of you!" Seungcheol yelled. "Just," his hands made their way through his head as he tried to clear his mind and he lowered his voice as he spoke. "Shut up. The boys will hear. We can't have all thirteen of us raging at each other. We have missions to do. People to save."

When Seungcheol first gathered them, they were given a choice, just like any other runaways he had met. To join him, or to keep running. He had never once held them back against their choice. When MingMing chose to go back to China, live a normal life, Seungcheol only wished him luck and bid him goodbye after handing him a new passport Jihoon had managed to get. To both Dongjin and Samuel, he had urged to go back to society after they joined for a while. They were too young. They wanted to help, but when Seungcheol saw what trauma Samuel had to deal with, he asked Jihoon to prioritize the two and hand them their ticket back to society. It was easier, too, because they were young, and not much of a gap in their lives to be filled on paper.

"I'm not telling you to leave or stay," Seungcheol had said. "You can choose, but your ticket is right here, and I promise you'll be fine. You won't have to fight anyone ever again, nobody will touch you. We'll all be here for you, no matter what."

Both Dongjin and Samuel bawled, and Seungcheol had hugged them tightly. On weekends, he kept his promise and checked up on them routinely. He'd escape basecamp and watch them from afar. Only Soonyoung and Jihoon knew where he'd disappear after dark hours, as they sometimes joined him, and other times made the excuses for him. Seungcheol was proud of the two, and that was evident everytime he returned from his "lookout" trips. Once, Seungcheol came home with a rare smile on his face, and it was everything the world needed. "I saw Samuel audition in a company today. He's really talented," he had said, his eyes beaming.

At times like these, Soonyoung questioned why he had to lead this life. Why he had to be the responsible one and save everyone else and why he can't just run like any other person. He wanted to be like Samuel, given the clear way out, and Seungcheol would still have his back no matter what. In fact, they all would. Nobody would blame or judge him for it. But damn him and his pride; him and his conscience. The guilt he would've felt had he left just like that - he won't, couldn't, live through it. Not for the people who were just like him, who were unlucky enough to be born in the dark, not to those who were held against their will, victims of the Underground, and certainly not to those who he treated as brothers.

Soonyoung just screamed. He hated feeling so helpless.

"Soonyoung," Seungcheol called, the bags under his eyes became evidence of his tiredness. "Take a break. Have Jun lead close combat. I'll send Hansol to your team. I'll cover his position."

No. He couldn't rest now, not now when one of his members is already hurt. Soonyoung took a deep breath, and sighed. He shouldn't be hot-headed. Not now when they have mission after mission to complete.

"No, I'm sorry. I'll keep my cool. Minghao's down, I can't leave the team," Soonyoung resigned heavily.

"No," Seungcheol said firmly. "Not when you're emotional. If it bothers you, go get Seokmin and have him back your team up, too."

"I'll be calm, I prom-"

"You know very well I can't make decisions based on promises, Soonyoung. That's not how we work here."

The hurt in Seungcheol's eyes were evident, and both Soonyoung and Jihoon knew full well why. Seungcheol diverted his eyes away; he can't bear to see the eyes of his friends, his long time partners, both wallowing in pity to him and to themselves.

"You guard here - that's final. Jihoon, you make sure he stays. Soonyoung, unarm yourself and go get Seokmin."

Seungcheol didn't stay for more arguments. He left after he took back the bulletproof vest he threw on the couch and went to get his team.

Soonyoung cursed in frustrations, and Jihoon just held his head on his hands.

---

[marchioness-caprina]

Know Your Tumblrist

> What Do you Prefer To be Called?

- I prefer to Be Called Caprina or Brie.

> How Old Are You?

- My age range is 16 - 18

> When is Your Birthday?

- Dec, 25.

> Your Pronouns?

- She, Her, Miss

> Do You Have a Pet?

- Well We Have tons of Domestic Pets, 4 Dogs, 3 Puppies, 4 Cats.

> What Is/are your Favorite Color?

- Sky Blue

- Red

- Violet

- White

- Gray

- Orange

- Blue

- Black

> What Is/are Your Favorite Food?

- Anything Spicy

- Chocolate but I Don't Like Chocolate Cakes for some reason. Especial Cupcakes.

- Sour Food

> What is Your Favorite Subject?

- English, The Only subject that I could easily go with the flow without having any headaches.

> What is Your Favorite Sport?

- Badminton, I'm not a Very Athletic person and Going outside is already a chore for me. But I do enjoy playing Badminton.

> What are Your Hobbies?

- Drawing

- Writing

- Journaling

- Reading Books

> Which Subject is Your Least Favorite?

- Math, The Main Reason why students want to go back time and destroy Calculus along with the evolution of Mathematics.

> What Is Your Favorite Animal?

- Dogs, Always have and always will be fond of Dogs No matter how They violently Bark and Growl at Me.

> Favorite Ice Cream?

- Bubblegum, Vanilla and Cookies and Cream.

> Favorite Super Hero?

- Iron Man, I Like his Sass and He is my Ideal Father Figure.

> Favorite Fruit?

- Grapes, Apple.

> Favorite Dessert?

- I'm not Picky with Desserts but I Have a special spot for Pudding.

> Favorite Holiday?

- Christmas, My B-day

> Favorite Season?

- Winter, It gives me ankyuer solid Reason to stay home and do nothing.

> Zodiac Sign?

- A Proud Capricorn.

> 3 Fears I Have :

- The Ocean

- Lizards

- The Death of My Favorite Anime Character.

> 5 Turn On's :

- Neck Kisses

- Submissiveness

- Timidity

- Soft Bois

- Possessiveness

> Gender?

- Female

> Sexual Orientation? :

- Straight

> How Tall am I?

- I'm not Proud of It but I'm 5'0 , I still have hope in my height....

> Do I Have a Crush?

- it's Tiring and Unnecessary. but If Fictional Characters Count then Yes.

> Eye Color?

- Black

> Hair Color?

- Black

> My Current Relationship Status :

- Single, My Whole Life I've been Single.

> Addiction?

- Collecting Stationaries

> Coffee or Tea?

- Tea is Life

> Fruit Tea or Milk Tea?

- Fruit Tea is also Life

BNHA Corner

> Favorite Male Character?

- Tamaki Amajiki

> Why I Like Him?

- I don't Know, Maybe because he Fits some of my preference in a Boy? Also because he has this unusual Pull over me that attracts me in a manner that is borderline obsessive. But Fortunately I haven't crossed that dark path just yet.

> Favorite Female Character?

- Rumi

> Why I Like Her?

- She Remind me of that One Neighbor everyone Likes.

> My Top 10 Character Preference?

- Tamaki Amajiki

- Keigo Takami

- Todoroki Shouto

- Bakugou Katsuki

- Shinso Hitoshi

- Izuku Midoriya

- Neito Monoma

- Tomura Shigaraki

- Dabi/ Touya Todoroki

- Taishiro Toyomitsu

> The First Character I First Fell In Love with?

- Bakugou Katsuki ( Boomie here is my First Choice then Poof Tamaki decided to be a Sweetheart and Fucking Made me do a back flip towards him)

> Would I want to Be a Hero or A Villain?

- I think a Hero would be a More stable Job than a Villain. Stability is My goal.

> Favorite Teacher In BNHA?

- Aizawa Shota ( Don't deny it you Love Dadzawa too )

> Favorite Pro Hero In BNHA?

- Hawks ( Kentucky Chicken Mc Birdman is my main boi when it comes to Pro Heroes )

> Favorite Villain?

- Daddy---- I mean Dabi ( Tho Handfuck ain't bad either)

> Why I Like Them?

- dO I EvEn NeeD a ReAsON WhY I Like Him? umm Cause I Like Burnt Food???

> What Quirk Would I Like?

- Actually it's not decided yet since I have a whole Journal about Quirks that I researched and Designed.

> Favorite Class B Character?

- Neito Monoma

> Why I Like them?

- He's Kind of a Sore Loser ( For a Copycat) but His Character really spikes up the dullness like he's funny; Being all serious with his mockery while everyone else just gives off a look that's says : ' Oh look it's captain Bullshit trying to be cool again but he's failing shit '

> Which Class 1 A Character would I like to Spar With?

- Honestly I'd Like to Spar with Hagakure; Truthfully speaking she's by far one of the most Harmless Characters. ( I ain't betting by life to fight Boom Boom Kid cause I have no Physical Talents whatsoever )

> Which Class 1 A Character I Never want to Spar with?

- It's either Boom Boom kid or Icy Hotty, But mostly Boom Boom Kid. He's an absolute brute at the field and he could fly with sheer anger alone. He's aggressive and I don't want to have his firework quirk blowing up my Face.

> Which Character I would Like to Befriend First?

- The Most Tame one of all ; Midoriya the Broccoli and being friends with him has a lot of benefits. I get to be part of the Protect Deku Squad and I can ask him to copy my notes since the kid is a literal copy machine. Heck he puts a copy machine to shame. You know I think that may be his quirk----

> If I Base it on my Personality would I be A Villain or a Hero?

- No Doubt I'd be a Corrupted Hero; I'm not a noble or a righteous person and Things that aren't my problem has nothing to do with me at all. I don't like it when people bark at me cause I know I tend to Bite Back I don't bark I bite.

> Would I Join an Agency Or Make My Own?

- I'd make my Own if I was given a Chance to.

> Which Characters Would I Like to Work with?

- Hawks ; He may not be the safest but he knows how to carry on one sided conversations and with precise movements and speed he could take out any villain on his own without me having to worry about hiding to the nearest pole.

> If I were To Build a Team of 7 Characters who would Be in my List Explain. ?

- Midoriya : His Quick wit and Adaptable Analysis Skills could come in Handy in Making On the spot Strategies since he always seems to look at things in a logical and rationally beneficial way.

- Bakugou : The Kid is a menace and he is made to be an aggressor so when it comes to face to face combat Having a spontaneous yet calculative Bakugou to sweep the floor clean and be the Main front liner wouldn't be a Bad Idea. He knows how a fight works and he is very resourceful with his moved and paired with his sharp mind he'd definitely be a force to be reckoned with.

- Todoroki - He is excellent at being an object of distraction and destruction. Having the enemies frozen in place is helpful in most situations and by using his fire quirk he could easily wipe out and distance the villains or enemies that's surrounding the area.

- Tamaki Amajiki : The perfect 2 in 1 combo. With his quirk he could serve as an attacker and a defender. Though picking the right food he consumes would be the key to success and his entire performance on the field will mostly reflect to the food he eats so it's wise to prepare a handful of food at a time .

- Hawks : He was built for this, Though he may not be the strongest it terms of strength but he makes up a lot when it comes to speed and agility; his fighting abilities is beyond average and it wouldn't take a genius to know that he has gained mastery over his quirk. Plus his feathers can serve as sensors to know more about the surroundings including the enemies that are present and probably their location. And he'd definitely be my main man during a chase or escape type of scenario.

- Aizawa : With Aizawa's erasure quirk and keen eyes it would be a powerful addition for the team. Plus he possesses incredible combat prowess and ingenuity with or without the use of his canceling quirk and his ability to restrain his opponents is another advantage.

- Taishiro Toyomitsu - My ultimate Defense Character. I don't think I have to explain any further with how his quirk works and the advantages of him being in the team.

> Do I Have an Oc?

- As for the Moment the OC that I have released in public is Rui. But yes I do have ongoing Oc's.

> How Many Oc's do I Have?

- The number is still undecided.

> A Character That Is The Most Similar to me Based on Personality?

- Well I asked a family of mine to answer this for me and she replied that My Personality Corresponds With Shoto's with a Mixture of Keigo. ( Even tho I don't act like it here )

> What Hair color would I Like?

- As Long as It has Sky Blue in it.

> What Eye color would I like?

- Lavender or Silver

> Which Skin tone would I Like?

- I don't know skin tone doesn't really matter for me but if I had to pick then I'd choose maybe tan or olive?

> My Top 10 Student Characters?

- Tamaki Amajiki

- Midoriya Izuku

- Katsuki Bakugou

- Todoroki Shouto

- Eijiro Kirishima

- Mina Ashido

- Tenya Iida

- Shinso Hitoshi

- Neito Monoma

- Fumikage Tokoyami

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity! I'm an ENFP who relates well to basically everything you post about yourself. I'm also fairly certain I'm an 6. I realized that lately I've been struggling a lot with anxiety (getting help, don't worry), but was wondering how that could affect Ne. I've always been the kind of person who seeks change to be better, but now my anxiety makes me feel like I'm in my Si - trapped in how things were in the past. I can't seem to get out of it. It feels like my dom and inf functions switched.

Hey, ENFP 6! I am really sorry you can relate to me, since that’s really no fun for you. It’s not easy being one, is it? But this is the lot life stuck us with, so we’d better learn how to make the most of it, right?

I can’t really tell you how it is for all Ne-dom 6′s (especially with different lower fixes), I can only give you my own experience – and that is that for me it causes conflict between the natural optimism and desire to believe the best in others of Ne-dom and the pessimistic, suspicious nature of being a 6. I approach things with a half-and-half mindset, which is often the opposite of whatever I am hearing from other people, due to Ne and 6 both being contrarian.

In other words, if someone is too excited, I will be the voice of reason. If they are miserable and depressed and expecting the worst, I will be the optimistic and cheerful one irritated by their perpetual fog. I expect good things from people but am also suspicious of their motives. This puts a bit of a damper on dating, since you want to trust your date to be a good person and also not take any chances that he’s not. Some probably super nice guys got frustrated with my non-committal answers to hanging out at their place and watching awesome movies on their giant screen. I’m sorry. Maybe I could have trusted you, and maybe I couldn’t. Better safe than dead.

But you probably already know that, since you live it. Your specific question is how do you get your Ne to work properly and how do you overcome your fear and just… go do things?

Well, the answer to that is simple and hard. Simple because it’s obvious, and hard because it’s hard for a 6 to overcome their anxieties and just do it. The simple answer is – you start recognizing and correcting yourself. Learning to laugh and say, “Oh, I am just being a 6 right now and probably over-thinking.” And choosing to open yourself up to the possibilities and think positively about them rather than freaking out. (I have personal experience with that at the moment, since my boss wants me to step outside my comfort zone. My first reaction was massive angst. My second reaction was anger, because I do not want to do this. The reaction I am having now is trying to use my Ne to think up all the good ways that this could really bolster my confidence and experience and make Good Things Happen in my life. So that’s what you have to do – stick with your feelings and thoughts about something long enough to have the ability to make a decision to approach it with optimism and positivity. Fear and excitement create largely the same reaction in the body; it’s our mind that decides what to call it. So start re-naming and controlling it. Make it excitement and not fear. See if that helps.)

6 loves to hide behind the mantra of “just being rational.” Rational, you may be, but overreacting or paranoid when there’s no need, you also may be. Not every new situation or relationship or change is an actual threat to your security. Ne-doms are supposed to be optimistic and excited about the future. 6ish Ne-doms seem to be excellent problem-solvers and linear thinkers, able to foresee bad things and keep them from happening due to intuition + logic, but they need to learn to integrate into 9 and chill so their Ne can breathe and do what it’s supposed to do – which is to look for new possibilities and opportunities with enthusiasm, and not have to analyze the hell out of everything before they commit to it (and poll 15 of their closest friends ;).

Jordan Peterson in his book talks about a woman he knew, who became housebound. It did not start out that way. At first, she was just anxious about driving to the mall, because she was afraid she might not find a parking space. So that fear started her keeping away from the mall. It became a “place I do not drive to.” Pretty soon, her anxiety grew a little bit. There were other places she did not drive it. Places she did not feel safe. So she stopped going to them. And little by little, her world shrank. Until she did not feel safe outside her front door. I pitied her when I read that, and decided it would never be me. I force myself to do things, within reason, that I am scared of, so I can prove to myself that I did it. But… I do not do this nearly as often as I should, to truly improve. And for better or worse, life has not forced me out of my comfort zone much, which means I have to do it myself.

You need to learn to balance what is actually logical, and what is just fearful. Good logic rides on the balance of probability. It factors in the odds of what you’re afraid of actually happening. Irrational fears are fixating on things that are not possible, rational caution is focusing on what could happen, and what has a high chance of happening. That is where true wisdom comes in – better to be cautious than regret it, but not so cautious that you miss out on all the good things life has to offer because you never left your house. Abducted by aliens – irrational fear. Walking down a secluded street alone at 1am – a good chance of being predator bait.

When I’m stuck somewhere in the middle, I find it helpful to do what Doctor Phil suggests – get out a notebook, and ask yourself one question after another, so you’re writing out a logical train of thought. (”What is the real reason you do not want to do X?” “Well, Y will happen.” “And what will happen if Y does happen?” “Well…”) Keep going until you have literally discussed it all; you will either wind up seeing that your fears are irrational or with contingency plans. (”If I get lost in the Miami airport, I will do Z.”) Either way, you will be thinking clearly and not with a mind infused with anxiety.

Now, as for being stuck in your lower function. High Ne’s generally fixate on Si impressions like, “It was better in the past,” or “I am never going to move forward but be stuck here forever,” when they are not actively moving forward. This will create a deep sense of dissatisfaction that you will try and fill in other ways, but they will not work, because the root cause of the problem is that fear is holding you back. So, start moving forward. Even just a little. What is it that you want to do? What is the first step? How big of a step can you take? Focus on one thing at a time. You can do it. Who do you want to be? Where do you want to be? WHAT do you want to be?

I admire brave people who do not seem afraid of life. I look at them with longing. But in reality, no one is keeping me a prison to my anxiety except me. I am choosing, by not doing, to feed the monster and to shrink my world. And the only person who as the key to my prison cell is also me. The choice as to whether or not to let myself out… is mine. And it’s the same for you.

So, make your Ne happy. Stop thinking. Start doing… with a plan. Sometimes all it takes is saying yes when fear tells you to say no. Then showing up. Often, as a 6, I have learned that my anxiety about something was unfounded and that when I am in the middle of doing it, I am strangely calm and “okay.” Odds are, you will be too.

I hope that helped. I wish I had some grand, inspiring story of how one day I woke up and was confident about everything – but that would be a lie. That is not the path I have to hoe. Other people have other struggles, this is mine.

- ENFP Mod

[disentangledfaith]

The Cluttered Drawer and the Bundle of Beliefs

Inside all of us are the beliefs that define the way we live our lives. New experiences and new information lead to new beliefs. Despite the constant addition of new beliefs, we seldom do the opposite, and remove a belief. Like that drawer where you keep unidentified keys, things that might be useful one day, and broken things you intend to fix, things just keep getting piled in. The difference is that the drawer has physical limits. Eventually you need to clear out the drawer or it will no longer close. Our minds however can hold as many beliefs as we can gather. So we just keep piling them in there. Never needing to decide whether it is worth keeping the ones already inside.

As Christians we believe, that what we believe, should affect every area of our lives. What we believe should influence what we do with our time and our money, how we treat other people, what we value, what is right and wrong, and how we deal with sickness, poverty, success, failure, justice, work, business and leisure. Yet despite this, how often do we take the time to open the drawer and critically assess what we believe.

So, one day, I got my brave on, opened up my cluttered drawer of beliefs and looked inside.

Here is what I discovered.

The drawer, while a bit haphazard seems to have an automatic filing system. Once a belief is inside it sticks itself to other ideas. On opening my drawer I noticed that most of my beliefs had formed themselves into groups and taped themselves tightly together. There were masses of bundles of different sizes. Some beliefs had more than one copy and had been inserted into multiple bundles. On the top was a group of beliefs, that looked very new. It had a label that looked unsurprisingly like the google logo and said “Parenting Philosophy”. Pushing this aside I discovered one of the biggest bundles in the drawer. It had a well worn label and the beliefs were so well stuck together I didn’t know if I would ever be able to separate them. Some of the oldest looking beliefs I could see were stuck to this pile, and together they were labelled “Christianity”.

I took a closer look at the beliefs in this pile. I felt a sense of fondness and familiarity as I saw the things that had shaped my life. Then the feeling would give way to a sense of unease as I would come across one that didn't really seem to make any rational sense. To make things even more awkward I began to notice that some of the beliefs seemed to contradict the other beliefs to which they were attached. Then I realised that many of them contradicted beliefs that were in other bundles in the drawer too. Eventually, the awkwardness got too much. I did not want to lose the good feelings associated with these beliefs so I decided that this was a job for another day. One far far away.

I threw the bundle back into the drawer. As it landed with a thud, something caught my eye. The tape that was holding them so tightly together had got caught, and a tiny corner was now peeled back. I tugged at it and realised, they weren't stuck so tightly together after all. As I tugged it again it released it's hold and it's contents scattered everywhere, covering the drawer and the floor below. The awkwardness I'd felt wasn't because examining the contents of the bundle was wrong. It was because I had presumed I was heading down a path where I would be forced to choose which bundle I threw out; the Christianity bundle with all its apparent inconsistencies, or all the other bundles to which it didn't align. As the beliefs landed all around I realised, I didn't have to throw out the whole bundle, I could examine each belief for what it was.

Now that they weren't so tightly bound together I also noticed something important. Written on each of the beliefs were citations regarding when and where the belief was obtained. Some had the name of a pastor or church leader, some had the name of a friend. Some were from books, some YouTube. Embarrassingly, a few seem to have originated as Facebook memes. Many of the beliefs weren't something I had ever explicitly read or heard but simply something I had observed and added an interpretation of importance. But the most sobering discovery was the absence of something. Surprisingly few of my beliefs about Christianity had the Bible written as their source. Even my beliefs about what was written in the Bible often did not have the Bible as it's source. Many of the beliefs simply said “origin unknown”. I wondered how much of an impact a belief could have on my life if I didn't even know where it had come from. I feared it was more than I cared to admit.

Although it was a little embarrassing to discover how little I fact checked the things that I let influence my life, more importantly it was a huge sense of relief. When I thought I had to keep every belief in the bundle the inconsistencies amongst them forced me to choose between two incredibly sad options. I could choose to either awkwardly accept the lot of them, acknowledge that Christianity is only for those who choose not to think, and ignore how much damage has been done over generations in the name of a religion that didn't make any sense. Or, I could choose to throw the entire lot out and turn my back on a God who I was pretty sure was real. If I didn't have to keep them together as a package deal however that gave me a third, but what I saw as extremely dangerous option; to pick and choose the ones I wanted, while discarding the ones I didn't. A license to arbitrarily turn Christianity into whatever I chose to make it.

But there was a fourth option. An option that gave me great hope. It turns out that what I had been doing all along was randomly collecting any belief that happened to have been labelled by someone as “Christian”, without determining whether it was true or merely appealing. No wonder the bundle contained contradictions and beliefs that made no sense. I'd been gathering opinions and treating them as gospel. In front of me was a great opportunity, if I was willing to take the risk. To take the time to look through each of the beliefs in the now spread out bundle. To work out for myself why I believe it, if it's actually true, and how does it fit in with the other beliefs I'm putting back in the drawer. If I throw out the beliefs that should never have been there in the first place I could end up with a bundle of beliefs I could be proud of. A set of beliefs that I am not afraid to think about and discuss. A set of beliefs that no longer clash with each other or with the thinking part of my brain.

“It is God's privilege to conceal things, and it is a king’s privilege to discover them. No one can comprehend the height of heaven, the depth of the earth, or all that goes on in a King's mind.” (Proverbs 25.2-3) We will never come close to understanding God, or the depths of his love, nor would we want to, for some miracles will always remain beyond our understanding. But God doesn't conceal things so that they can't be found. He conceals them so that we will seek them. He wants you to look, and to experience the joy of discovering things for yourself. To learn, to grow, and to question, without being afraid of the answer.

This is the first in a series of blog posts covering my journey as I deconstruct my faith and rebuild it stronger. It is just my thoughts. It is not designed to give you answers but to give community to anyone who has ever asked questions. I will share my questions, my ponderings and my own rebuilding. Not so that you can adopt my conclusions as your own, without questioning. Please don't. But so that you can see that it is possible to simultaneously question and to have faith. And that you don't have to do it alone.

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