#I'm just guessing “he” being jensen here | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

azzifudd · 4 days ago

Text

as long as i live

paige bueckers x azzi fudd

summary: inspired by jensen mcrae's massachusetts

rated: teen

4.9k words

disclaimer: fictional!

notes: well! i'm not exactly coming out of retirement, but according to google docs i started writing this in june 2024 which seems wild to me. i pushed myself to finish it up so i could post it for you guys, if anyone's even still interested in reading my stuff. it's a bit different from stuff i've written before but i hope you guys like it anyways. listen to the song while you read, it's great :)

[AO3 LINK]

When someone tells me they're from Massachusetts, now I always ask, "What part?"

“So, where are you from?”

Part of Azzi cringes inside as she asks such a cliche and boring question, but this is the second blind date she’s been on in the past month, and her social battery is at an all time low. At this point, her date is lucky that she isn’t talking about the weather.

“Born and raised in Minnesota, but I moved out here after college for work.” Her date, Savannah, takes a sip of water, tongue darting out to catch a stray drop that hangs off the corner of full lips.

Minnesota. Azzi feels her heart stutter at the word.

“Oh, where in Minnesota?”

“It’s a small town, you’ve probably never heard of it.”

It doesn’t even matter, but Azzi wants to know, needs to know.

“Falcon Heights. It’s where the-“

“The State Fair.” Azzi interrupts. “That’s where the State Fair is held.”

“You’ve heard of it?”

“I’ve been before, I had a…” Azzi hesitates for just a moment too long. “A friend from Minnesota. We used to go every year.”

“Maybe I can take you back someday.” Savannah smiles flirtatiously, but it drops when she sees how Azzi is staring off into the distance, unresponsive and trapped in a memory long since passed.

Azzi gags as she watches Jose bend over a trash can, emptying the contents of his stomach after a clearly too intense roller coaster.

Their mom rubs a hand along his back as he finally straightens up, face pale and sweaty.

“I guess this is a good time to finish up our night.”

They’ve been at the State Fair for over 12 hours at this point, and even though the place is still fairly packed, Jose and Jon have been visibly flagging for a while, and Jose’s sickness is a clear sign for them to start heading home.

“But we haven’t even gone on the ferris wheel yet.” Azzi complains, pouting.

“The line looks long, honey. I’m not sure your brothers will make it.”

“I’ll stay with her.” Paige pipes up. “And my dad can pick us up after we’re done.”

Azzi bounces excitedly on her heels, gripping Paige’s arm with both hands.

“Please, please, please?”

Tim and Katie exchange a look, clearly having an unspoken discussion. Soon Tim shrugs, leaving the decision up to his wife.

“She’ll be safe with me, Mrs. Fudd.” Paige says, so sweetly earnest in the way only a 16 year old can be. She still hasn’t gotten used to calling Azzi’s parents by their first names.

“Oh, I know that, sweetheart. I’m just worried about what sorts of trouble she might get you into.”

Katie laughs as Azzi sticks her tongue at her.

“Okay, fine. Just keep an eye on your phones in case we need to get a hold of you.”

“Thank you!” Azzi gives her parents kisses goodbye and hugs her little brothers before grabbing Paige by the hand and dragging her over to the ferris wheel.

She’s so excited to ride that she doesn’t notice how quiet Paige is. Her friend normally hardly shuts up, but Azzi doesn’t realize how unlike herself Paige is acting until they’re being ushered into the gondola.

The metal car creaks loudly as it moves, sending them slowly up into the sky.

“Paige? Are you okay?”

Paige’s hands are tight around the metal lap bar, fingers pale as she squeezes it tight.

“Yeah!” She says, squeaking when they jolt to a sudden stop, about halfway to the top.

“Are you afraid of heights?” Azzi asks, almost incredulously. Paige isn’t afraid of anything. She’s always ready to jump in head first, with hardly a thought to the consequences. They’d already ridden most of the roller coasters here without a problem.

“Hell no!”

Azzi might be more convinced if her eyes weren’t squeezed shut as they started moving again.

“Why’d you agree to come on if you’re so scared?”

“You wanted to.”

Azzi feels blood rush to her face. She smiles shyly in response. No one has ever made her feel as special as Paige does, like everything she says matters. She presses close to Paige’s side as the ferris wheel screeches to a stop at the top.

The view is spectacular. The lights from the rides, nothing compared to the brightness of the stars above them. But Azzi doesn’t look.

“Hey.”

She reaches over and grabs Paige’s hand with her left hand, pulling it from the bar and intertwining their fingers. With her right hand, she reaches up to gently grasp Paige’s chin.

“Don’t look out there. Just look at me.”

Paige’s eyes flutter open. Azzi’s mouth feels dry suddenly. She licks her lips watching as Paige’s gaze darts from Azzi’s eyes to her lips and back again.

Her eyes shine under the light of the moon. They’re beautiful. Paige is so beautiful. Azzi’s heart pounds in her chest. This moment feels more dangerous than sitting hundreds of feet in the air with only a bar of metal keeping you safe.

Paige leans in, so slow that Azzi knows she could pull away if she wanted to. She doesn’t. She leans in the rest of the way instead, and puts her heart in Paige Bueckers’ hands.

I wonder if you kept the pilgrim ashtray if it's still propped up on your bar cart

“You’re home pretty early, how was it?”

Colleen had called Azzi almost as soon as she had stepped through the door, which told Azzi that she had likely been checking her location through the night. She had been encouraging about it when Azzi had told her that a teammate was setting her up with a friend of theirs, someone from outside the basketball world.

But Azzi knows Colleen is still holding out hope that she and Paige are meant to be. She hasn’t mentioned her to Azzi in months, not since the last time she’d had to comfort a drunk Azzi who had broken down just from hearing her name.

“It was fine. I fucked it up, the usual.”

Azzi pops the fridge open, pulling out a bottle of wine and grabbing the bottle opener on the door. The bottle opens with a pop and Azzi pours a full glass, takes a few big sips from it, before filling it again.

“Oh, babe. What happened?”

How can she explain that the mere mention of Paige’s home state had sent her into a spiral and that she’d had to make a stupid excuse to leave and now probably wouldn’t be able to face her teammate without making a fool of herself.

“No biggie. We just weren’t compatible.” She takes another swig of wine. “I’m just gonna take a bath and go to bed.”

“Okay, Azzi. I love you. You know I’m always here if you wanna talk.”

“Love you too.” Azzi doesn’t know how she would have gotten through these past two years without her.

Azzi heads into the bathroom, running the faucet to fill the tub. She goes to light one of the many scented candles she’s been gifted over the years, this one that claims to release a relaxing scent, just what she needs tonight.

The lighter sputters weakly and doesn’t ignite. With a sigh, she heads back into the kitchen, digging into the junk drawer where she knows she has seen a box of matches.

She finally finds it under a pile of old charging cables, but stops short when she sees what’s printed on it. It’s faded and worn, but the word Ted’s is still visible.

She rubs her thumb over it. This pack of matches has somehow made the journey from Storrs all the way to her home in San Francisco.

Azzi slides the cover off. There’s only one match left inside.

The candle goes unlit. The match untouched.

“Who wants shots!” Paige’s voice echoes through the bar.

It’s Azzi’s first time at Ted’s as an official member of the team, and Paige is clearly dedicating herself to making sure she has the best possible time.

Azzi isn’t sure she’s seen Paige stop smiling since she moved into the dorms, and it must be infectious, because the butterflies in her stomach haven’t rested since the moment Paige showed up at her door to help move her in.

“Paige, relax!” Christyn says, patting Paige on the head and laughing when Paige swats her away to fix her displaced hair.

“Here we go!” Liv comes back to the table holding a tray full of shots.

The team gathers around, each taking a hold of one of the glasses.

“To our new teammates. Welcome to UConn, and let’s win a national championship. Go Huskies!” They all throw back their shots at once.

A few hours later, as Azzi dances with Caroline and Amari, Paige comes bouncing up to them, slipping her arms around Azzi’s waist and swaying behind her.

She presses her face into the side of Azzi’s neck. “Come outside with me for a sec. Nika gave me a lil’ somethin’ if you wanna try.”

Azzi nods and lets Paige lead her outside by the hand. It’s a lot less crowded outside, and the light breeze feels good against her sweat slicked skin.

Paige guides her to a more secluded corner where a lone picnic table sits underneath some fairy lights strung along the patio. Paige sits with the bench between her legs, pulling Azzi to sit next to her.

She pulls out a joint and wiggles her eyebrows at Azzi.

“You wanna?”

Azzi had never dared to try it in high school with her parents always around, but she wants to now. The season doesn’t start for months, and practice not for another week. She nods, eagerly. She knows that there’s no safer person for her to try this with than Paige, who would never let her get hurt.

Paige passes the joint over. “Hold this for me for a sec.”

She pulls out a fresh box of matches, pulling one out and lighting it with a quick flick of her wrist. She holds it to the tip until it glows.

“Go ahead.”

Azzi hesitates for a moment. “I just breathe in?”

“Mmhm.” Paige nods, watching with rapt attention as Azzi brings the joint up to her lips and inhales.

A hacking cough bursts out of her throat before the smoke can even hit her lungs.

Paige laughs as she rubs Azzi’s back.

“Don’t laugh at me,” she chokes out when she can finally breathe.

“Okay, okay,” Paige holds up her hands in apology. “Here, let’s try another way.”

She takes hold of the joint, sliding closer until their legs are touching. She brings it to her lips, inhaling deeply and holding the smoke in her chest. Then she leans in, giving Azzi a chance to pull away. When she edges just a bit closer instead, Paige seals their lips together, exhaling when Azzi’s mouth opens against hers.

She keeps them pressed together until she feels Azzi breathe in deep. When she pulls back, Paige keeps their foreheads pressed together.

“How was that?” She asks, voice raspy.

In response, Azzi just hooks a hand around Paige’s neck and kisses her again.

Could make a grand off of the chain you bought me, but goddamn, it's not for sale

“Azzi!”

Azzi barely has a moment to steel herself before Nika nearly bowls her over in a hug.

“I’ve missed you so much.” Azzi says, returning the hug. They hadn’t seen each other since the last time their teams had matched up, but with both teams now out of playoff contention, they had decided to get dinner while Nika was in town.

They spend the night catching up, telling stories and reminiscing about old times, both often changing the subject when it approached the elephant in the room.

When they’re both three cocktails deep, Nika finally asks, “Do you think you’ll go to the Finals?”

Azzi knows that the girls have been planning a reunion to see Paige play in her first Finals. She’s sure that it hasn’t gone unnoticed that she hasn’t said anything in the group chat.

“Of course.”

She hadn’t told anyone, but she’d booked the ticket the minute the Lynx had clinched their series. Nothing could keep her away. Her hand goes up to fiddle with her necklace subconsciously.

“That’s great, Azzi. I know she wants you there, more than anything.”

Nika’s eyes flicker down to where her fingers are toying with the chain. She drops her hand. The charm bounces against her chest. To this day, she can’t explain why she still wears it, just that it’s become like a part of her.

The first thing that Azzi notices when she wakes up, is that there’s someone asleep beside her. It isn’t the strangest occurrence in this house. Sometimes one of her brothers will fall asleep next to her, or one of the dogs will come in seeking her warmth.

But this body is pressed against her back, a heavy arm slung around her waist. Even the way their breath puffs against her neck is familiar. But the only person Azzi wants to be sharing a bed with is hundreds of miles away, so Azzi turns to lay on her back, her wrapped leg only protesting a little. A wave of blonde hair covers her face.

“What?” She whispers, because this shouldn’t be possible. She swears she had just fallen asleep talking with Paige about the team’s resounding victory in Aaliyah’s home country.

Her phone still rests next to her head. When she wakes the screen up, there’s one unread message from the night before.

Paige💗

See you soon, baby 💗😘

She nudges at Paige’s side, suddenly too impatient to wait for her to wake up. Paige groans, but she opens her eyes, blinking blearily and clearly exhausted. She smiles wide when she sees Azzi.

“Hey.”

“What the fuck?” Azzi murmurs, still a little bit stunned, and presses close to kiss Paige deeply.

“Never been happier to miss a night of sleep.” Paige says when they part, smirking.

Azzi whacks her on the shoulder, but gives her another light peck. “What are you doing here?”

“I missed you. Merry Christmas.”

Azzi is leaning in to kiss her again when her dad’s voice comes echoing down the stairs. “If y’all are awake, breakfast is almost ready.”

“Okay!”

Azzi throws the blanket off of her body, sitting up.

“Hold on a sec.” Paige walks over to where her duffel bag has been dumped by the door, digging through it.

She walks back and sits down next to Azzi, holding onto a black box.

“I know Christmas isn’t actually for a few days, but I can’t wait any longer.”

Azzi takes the box in her hands, feeling the softness of the velvet under her fingers. She opens it to reveal a silver heart encrusted with diamonds dangling from a delicate chain. It looks a lot like a necklace that already sits in her jewelry box, except this one has an infinity symbol embedded within the heart.

Azzi feels choked up all of a sudden. The meaning of the symbol is not lost on her. She puts the box down on her lap and raises a hand to cup Paige’s cheek.

“I love it. I love you.”

Paige leans their foreheads together. “It’s a forever kinda thing. Just like us.”

You broke me to pieces, but I root for you even though everything went up in flames

The buzzer sounds, and the Minnesota crowd is silent. It’s the end of the third quarter, and the Liberty are leading the Lynx by seventeen. Even from up in the suite, Azzi can see how bad Paige’s body language is, how she’s already beating herself up for the loss even though there’s still ten minutes left in the game.

The camera focuses on Paige, seated at the bench, staring off into the distance even as her coach speaks in the huddle. Azzi stands suddenly, startling KK.

“Where are you going?”

“I have to get down there.” She’s not quite sure how she’ll get to the bench, but she’ll figure it out when she gets there.

Luckily when she makes it down there, she bumps into Paige’s agent Lindsay, who greets her with a hug.

“Azzi!” She looks surprised to see Azzi. “What are you doing down here? I thought you and the other girls were up in one of the boxes.”

“Hey.” She replies, distractedly. “Do you think you could get me courtside?”

Lindsay gives her a slightly pitying look. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“I know it is.” Azzi says, absolutely certain. She knows, at least, that she has to try.

Lindsay leads her to her seat, just a few rows behind the home bench. The Lynx have cut the lead to thirteen, but there’s still a steep hill to climb with less than half a quarter of the game left. When one of the Liberty passes skips out of bounds, the Paige’s coach calls a timeout to steady the team.

Paige stomps back to the bench, clearly frustrated and lifts her jersey to wipe the sweat from her face. As she reaches the bench, she finally looks up, eyes locking with Azzi’s. She freezes.

Azzi smiles at her, and taps a hand on her chest where the number 5 rests proudly on her chest.

“Breathe.” She mouths. “You got this.”

Paige finally blinks. Azzi sees her take a deep breath, and then another. She nods at Azzi before taking a seat on the bench and listening as her coach speaks. Then she’s sticking her head in the huddle and taking charge.

Her teammates all watch with attention, swept up in her emotions. Azzi misses it sometimes, the way Paige could make you believe you could accomplish anything just because she believed in you.

The buzzer goes off, signaling the end of the timeout. As she heads back onto the floor, Paige turns back toward Azzi. She rests a hand over her heart and then points back to Azzi. Her teammate inbounds the ball to her.

In the remaining minutes, Paige outscores the Liberty all by herself, and the Lynx come back to win game one.

“Congratulations, Ms. Rookie of the Year.”

Azzi steps up to Paige, wrapping her arms around her neck and leaning in to kiss her. Paige has been talking with the press all day, and Azzi hasn’t seen her since she left the apartment this morning.

Paige turns her head, and Azzi’s lips land on her cheek as she turns her head to check one end of the hallway, and then the other. They can hear the sound of a door opening in the distance, and Paige flinches minutely.

Azzi drops her arms and steps back, eyes focusing on the ground.

“Hey.” Paige looks down, making eye contact with her. “I’m sorry.”

“I know.” And Azzi does know. She knows Paige really is sorry, and that it’s not just something she’s saying to appease her. It doesn’t make it hurt any less.

Still, she throws a smile on her face. “You ready to head out?” She’d made a reservation, at one of Paige’s favorite restaurants, a few weeks ago for them to celebrate.

Paige’s expression shifts again, just barely, but Azzi knows every inch of her.

“What is it?”

“The team invited me out to celebrate. Phee got a hook up at a restaurant. You’ll get to hang with Dorka.” Paige says, like it’s a consolation prize.

Azzi feels that familiar disappointment swell within her, but she pushes it down. They’re going to celebrate Paige, so Azzi will go along with a smile on her face.

It’s not even 11 PM when Azzi decides that it’s time for her to go. Her head is pounding and she’s barely spent even five minutes with Paige since they got to the club. She finds Paige by the bar, grabbing another round for the team.

“I’m going home,” Azzi says, trying to avoid looking into Paige’s hazy, glazed over eyes.

“What?” Paige frowns. “We barely just got here.”

“I know, you should stay and celebrate, but I’m going.” Azzi pushes past, not letting Paige talk, she can’t have this conversation, not here.

She pushes out the door, breathing in cool air. A quick peek at her phone shows that her Uber will be here in just a few minutes. She jumps when a hand clasps her shoulder and turns to find Paige.

“What’s the matter? You’re upset.” Paige looks so worried, and it makes Azzi almost want to laugh, if it didn’t hurt, just how clueless Paige could be sometimes.

“I’m fine. Go back inside,” she replies, voice short.

“What happened? You barely talked to anyone the whole night.”

“I’m tired, Paige.” Azzi blinks furiously as tears fill her eyes. “Sometimes, I just want to be able to hold your hand, and I can’t, and I can’t even be mad at you about it. I’m so tired, so please, just let me go home.”

Paige freezes. Her hand is outstretched, but she’s stopped short of making contact. For a moment, Azzi wishes Paige would just grab her, hold on, tell her to stay. But she doesn’t, and Azzi just gets into the Uber and drives off, leaving Paige behind on the sidewalk.

When Azzi wakes up the next morning, she feels hungover, even though she had barely drank the night before. Her eyes feel swollen from crying and her body sore from being curled up in a ball all night. Paige isn’t asleep beside her, but that’s no surprise. Sometimes the blonde will sleep on the couch when she gets home late because she doesn’t want to disrupt Azzi’s sleep.

She finally drags herself out of bed, heading toward the kitchen in search of caffeine. She stops short when she sees Paige sitting at the counter, nursing a cup of coffee.

“I’m surprised you’re awake already.” Azzi offers, feeling regretful at her harsh tone from the night before as she looks at Paige’s drawn, tired face.

“Haven’t slept.” Paige takes a sip of her coffee.

She finally looks up, into Azzi’s eyes, and before she can even speak, Azzi knows.

“Paige…” She starts, voice already wobbling. She sits gingerly in the chair next to Paige.

“Azzi.” Paige responds, sounding so steady Azzi shouldn’t be able to suspect that she is about to break Azzi’s heart. But Azzi knows Paige, and can see the pain in her expression.

“Don’t do this.”

“I’m doing this for you.” Paige reaches out for Azzi’s hand, and when she holds it gently, they’re both shaking.

“Don’t.” Azzi chokes out again.

“You deserve so much more than what I can give you.” Azzi notices how Paige stares behind her head, unable to even make eye contact with her.

“I know you are a lot of things Paige Bueckers, but I never thought you were a coward.” Azzi jerks her hand away, wrapping her arms around herself.

“I’m sorry.”

The fire in my gut that I've chased ever since

“Azzi! Wait!”

Azzi almost doesn’t hear her over the constant hum of people moving about the arena. But she’s always had a sense for Paige, from the moment they met, like a thread connecting them no matter where they were. She stops in the hallway where she had fled after the final buzzer had sounded.

“Congratulations, Paige.”

“Thank you.” Paige pants, still catching her breath.

There’s a beat of silence, but it’s almost comfortable, in a way the space between them hasn’t been for years.

“Azzi-”

“Paige-”

They laugh when they both speak in unison. Azzi puts a hand out, gesturing for Paige to talk.

Paige steps forward, reaching her hand out, a question in her eyes.

Azzi almost says yes, almost reaches out to answer. But she’s been burned before, and it’s not always easy to be brave. So she takes the easy way out.

“Win this thing, and then we can talk.”

“‘Win this thing?’ The championship?” Paige asks, almost incredulous.

“Yeah.” Azzi smirks at her, already drawn back into a familiar banter. “Unless you don’t think you can do it.”

Paige scoffs immediately. “I’ll see you when I lift that trophy.”

Paige had already known she was going to play her heart out, but nothing gets her competitive spirit going more than Azzi challenging her.

Paige stares at Azzi for a moment, just drinking in the sight of her with her number on her chest, knowing that when Azzi turned from her that she would see her name stretched across her back.

She smiles at Azzi, and it feels almost unfamiliar, smiling and knowing it’s true and sincere.

Azzi smiles back, and Paige knows this championship is hers.

“Azzi! Hold up!” Azzi freezes in place, recognizing that voice. She rubs a hand over her forehead. She almost wants to keep going, just jog down the hallway and right out of the arena.

Instead, she just takes a deep breath and then another, and turns around. Her traitorous heart still quickens at the sight of Paige Bueckers smiling at her.

“Hey,” Paige says, voice soft as she runs her eyes down Azzi’s chest, lingering on the purple logo and #35 bold on her chest.

“Hi.” Azzi replies, eyes darting to and from Paige’s face. There have been a few unanswered and clearly drunk texts, from both sides, and a huge bouquet at her doorstep after she had been drafted, but this is the closest they’ve been in nearly a year.

“You kicked our asses huh?”

It had been Azzi’s first time matching up against the Lynx, but it’s just their luck that Paige hadn’t even been able to play, a hand injury keeping her out of the line up. It had been a hard fought game, with Azzi’s Valkyries coming out on top, but it hadn’t been what Azzi had wanted.

“I missed you out there.”

It’s the truth. Despite their distance, Azzi has long dreamed of the moment she and Paige would face off in the WNBA, and it was disappointing that it had been delayed like so many of their on the court moments.

Paige gives her that crooked smile. “I’m so proud of you.”

Every emotion floods through Azzi at that moment. Anger, sadness, joy, hope, love. This is what she’d wanted. Just her and Paige and the game they loved so much.

But then she remembers why she’s been miserable for nearly an entire year despite achieving her biggest dreams. She remembers why she hasn’t been able to share her proudest moments with the person she loves the most.

“What do you want, Paige?”

Paige steps closer, until they’re within arms reach.

“I just- I had to talk to you; tell you how happy I am for you.”

Azzi feels herself softening, like she always has around Paige.

“Thank you.” Somehow the hallway seems quiet, even though Azzi knows there are thousands of people beyond these walls.

“I-”

Paige is interrupted when a voice calls down the hall for Azzi. The team’s PR person is looking for her, and Azzi’s late for media.

Paige takes a big step back, and Azzi is brought back to that day a year ago, and the heartbreak feels almost as fresh. But she decides then and there that she’s cried enough over Paige Bueckers, and so she just smiles, wistfully.

“I’ll see you around, Paige,” she says, and then she walks away.

You set the bar, you're gonna stick

“And for the first time since 2017, the Lynx have done it! Minnesota, your Lynx are WNBA Champions once more!”

The cheers of the fans is near deafening. The Liberty players leave the court in stunned silence as the Lynx players pile on top of each other with joy.

Azzi whoops, voice hoarse from hours of non stop cheering. She knows it might be a bad look, as a member of another team, to be this excited, but she can’t help it.

Suddenly there’s a loud swell of noise, and the crowd on the court parts. Paige is pushing her way through the throng of people, and a mob of cameras is following her. She finally makes her way to where Azzi is standing, a few rows up from the court.

She smiles at the fans, who all clamor for her attention, but Paige is on a mission. She pushes her way through the crowd, ignoring how the team’s security is nearly begging her to come back down.

“Paige! What are you doing?”

“I did it!” Paige beams, blue eyes brimming with joyful tears.

Azzi throws her arms around her, barely registering the noise around them.

“I love you!” Paige cups her hand around Azzi’s ear as she speaks, and Azzi feels the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

“What?” Azzi laughs, in disbelief. “Paige, you just won a championship! They’re about to announce you as Finals MVP.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Paige pulls back and presses their foreheads together. “All of this is empty without you with me.”

Cameras flash all around them. The entire world is watching, and Azzi knows that this is impulsive and that they have so much they need to talk about, but in this moment, it feels like they’re just kids again, sitting atop a creaky ferris wheel with their whole future ahead of them.

This time, Azzi leans in first, lets Paige decide.

This time, she doesn’t hesitate.

#pazzi #azzi fudd #paige bueckers

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daylighted · 3 months ago

Text

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤjust like the movies.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤor, 90s!jensen & starlet!reader.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤTEEN PEOPLE exclusive!

a never-before-seen inside look on america's favorite celebrity couple, starlet & jensen, only found here!

★ ˚⋆

it is, at this point, redundant to introduce the hollywood bombshell that is starlet, the new & upcoming actress taking over the scene. first met in days of our lives as a returning side character, starlet has since moved on to star in the likes of scream, terrifying the world with her breakout role of sidney prescott, and has since gone on to reprise that role, alongside her days of our lives character, many times.

on the other side of the dynamic duo, jensen ackles also got his notable start on days of our lives, working alongside starlet and, as he's stated before in multiple prior interviews, where he first met her.

"utterly captivating," he'd called her to an mtv interviewer, "there's no one else who can do the things that she does, and so effortlessly."

a romance should have been expected to follow after such high praises, though the way that it dominated the world was not so expected. their adorable acts of shameless pda & the blatant enamor that radiates from them when they are in a room together captured the hearts of millions.

today, we sit down with the both of them, and unpack just how they came to be.

★ ˚⋆

sat next to each other on two director's chairs is starlet and ackles, whispering to each other in soft voices, his palm atop hers on its back, the tip of his finger tracing shapes on her palm. he murmurs something, and her head falls back in a bright laugh.

jensen ackles (eric brady of days of our lives): oh! hey. didn't even hear you comin' in.

brittany johnson (interviewer for teen people): no, don't apologize! i'm just taking notes... capturing everything...

jensen: ah, gotta get all the details for the report, i see.

brittany, laughing softly: oh, yes. just doing my job. and how are you, starlet?

starlet (casey kennedy of days of our lives): spectacular, how are you?

brittany: can't complain at all when i get to spend my day with the both of you.

starlet, smiling warmly: oh, none of that. we're just people.

brittany: two of the most beloved of our decade, yes! did you anticipate such a positive response to your first public sighting together?

jensen: honestly wasn't even something that crossed my mind. i just wanted to take my girl to dinner.

starlet: it was so lovely, too. remember the hanging lights on the outside patio? and the candle in the center of our table?

jensen: is it a good time to tell you that i arranged that?

starlet: what? no!

jensen, laughing to himself: i did! called ahead and made sure we could have the patio to ourselves.

starlet: well, i guess we're both learning things today about my relationship, aren't we... oh, i'm sorry, i never asked your name.

brittany: brittany johnson. and that's alright, love, you were preoccupied! i'd never blame you for the honeymoon phase daze.

jensen: is that a real thing?

brittany: no, but i'm going to copyright it. it has a ring to it, doesn't it?

jensen: it does, yeah.

jensen's fingers lock into starlet's, raising her hand to his mouth to plant a chaste kiss on the skin.

starlet: sorry, this was probably a terrible idea, letting us do an interview together. we're not really good at anything but the... well, the honeymoon phase daze.

brittany: here, let me see if i can help keep the both of you on track, shall i? what were your initial thoughts when you first saw each other?

jensen: can i swear?

starlet: jens!

jensen, cackling: it's just a question!

brittany: i can censor it, don't worry. speak freely.

jensen: honestly, and i'm not exaggerating, she always thinks i'm lying about it, but my very first thought when she walked into the reading room was holy f**k.

starlet: no, it wasn't. he wasn't even looking at me, he was looking at his script—

jensen: s'called being sneaky, baby, i was lookin' over the edge.

starlet scoffs, her lips curling into a smile, betraying the feigned irritation.

brittany: starlet?

starlet: i was definitely intimidated. i don't remember my exact reactions, but we locked eyes at one point while reading our lines, and it felt—

jensen: just like a movie scene.

starlet: yeah. i honestly thought that when people said the world stops, it was just a cliche, but...

brittany: but it wasn't, not with you too.

starlet, warmly: exactly.

jensen: she wouldn't go out to dinner with me immediately. just so you're aware. this little lovelorn act she's portraying? wasn't immediate and was not as swoonworthy as you're lookin' at me like it is.

starlet: hey! i was being cautious—

jensen: hard to get. she was being hard to get.

brittany: you asked her out to dinner that very day?

jensen: that very day. i thought, "hell, if i don't swoop in, someone else will." so i swooped.

starlet: and missed the landing.

jensen, mock offendedly: because you were playing all coy!

starlet: since when is being cauti—

jensen: hard to get.

the two's words begin to overlap in an unintelligible argument, jumbled with laughter and tugging on their locked hands.

jensen: anyways. yeah, she rejected me at first. big ol' fat blow to the ego.

brittany: what eventually made her say yes? or, really, i should be asking you that, starlet.

jensen: yeah, baby, go on. i'm curious too.

starlet: it... well, it sounds really superficial. but we had this scene together, and our characters practically mirror the story of us, in a way, because— i don't know, something clicked. the director called cut after eric was about to kiss casey goodnight, and he leaned in, and...

...

starlet: it's really cliche, i know that's how it must sound, but it really felt like magic, standing in front of him, looking into his eyes and feeling the emotions he poured into himself while he was acting, and knowing that they were at least somewhat true, considering he'd asked me out a week or so prior. i thought, "god, why did i say no? what kind of idiot was i?"

jensen: very cute that your moment of clarity came from me kissing you. that's all i wanted to say— don't look at me like that. carry on.

starlet: that's it, you loser. unless you want me to continue stroking your ego.

jensen: there's a few other things you—

brittany clears her throat, her palms patting against the notepad rested on her thighs.

brittany, flushed: alright, well... i think that wraps it up for us! it was incredible to get to hang out with the both of you. do you... have any final comments? anything you want to tell the people?

jensen: yeah. go watch my pretty baby in scream 2. and thank you, brittany, for putting up with her, i know she gets a little ditzy and talkative—

starlet swats jensen's bicep, laughing along with him.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤEND TRANSCRIPT.

notes, nobody look too close at the transparent ok its shoddy at BEST but i was having a meltdown over 90s jensen earlier n couldnt relax until i did this ok feedback appreciated sm unless its mean HAHAHA bc i honestly dont know . . . if i like this HJTKLGDFSH style heavy inspired by daisy jones & the six my beloved

tags, @jasvtsc @figthoughts @deanswidow @depressionbarbie2023

#──★ dahlia's jrnl #90s!jensen x starlet!reader #jensen ackles #jensen fucking ackles #jensen ackles one shot #jensen ackles imagine #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles x y/n #90s!jensen #fem!reader #divider by plutism

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eisforeidolon · 3 months ago

Text

Question: [After an exchange about her holding a bag of popcorn] So my question is really random, but I know that Jared can pick up Jensen really easily, so Jensen, can you pick up Jared?

Jared: Yeah.

Jensen: Can I pick him up? Yeah, I pick him up all the time. I swing by his house, he hops in, we go somewhere.

Jared: The first time he picked me up, he was like, uh, hey, here's a quarter, my mom told me to call her when I met the man of my dreams. Jensen's very strong, he can physically pick me up, yeah.

Jensen: Yeah, I can pick him up. [Jared walks over and they start jockeying about] I mean how do you want me to pick him up? [Jensen grabs Jared around his legs and hoists him up briefly, then Jensen says something to him away from the mic and lifts Jared up across his shoulders, carries him off to the side of the stage, and twirls him around before putting him back down]

Jared: [claps Jensen on the chest] Does that answer your popcorn question?

Jensen: You're so rigid. Was there a point to any of that? You just wanted to see me pick him up?

Jared: [points and mimes laughing and clapping] Yes, yes.

Jensen: [also mimes laughing and clapping, then eating popcorn]

Question: So there's a lot of edits of you guys out in the world, do you ever watch any of them?

Jensen: A lot of what?

J2: Edits?

Jared: Like manips? [Jensen cracks up] Manipulations.

Jensen: [mouths oh and cracks up more as does Jared] Like my nips?

J2: [point to their chests]

Jensen: There's a lot of that out there, too. I will say that one of the more gratifying things in life that I have achieved is being able to text gifs of myself. [Jared says Yes! and cracks up] And it drives a lot of my friends who are not in the industry -

Jared: Batshit crazy.

Jensen: batshit crazy. [fake angry] You can't use yourself, it's not fair!

Jared: It's cheating!

Jensen: And I'm like [shrug emoji pose] and then I'll send another of just me going like [makes similar gesture but smaller][laughs].

Jared: Yeah, so I guess it does have a use.

Jensen: So happy about that. So whoever knows how to do that, keep doing it, I don't know how that happens.

#j2 gold panel #chicon 2024

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sofreddie · 16 days ago

Text

Resigned 13

Summary: Y/N gets to experience her first Supernatural convention.

Characters: Alpha!Jensen x Omega!F!Reader, Alpha!Jared, Others

Warnings: A/B/O Dynamics, Omegas are second-class citizens/mistreated, Fluff, Smut (Unprotected Sex, Knotting, Claiming, Minor Roleplay)

WC: 3,103

A/N: I'm so happy to see how far these characters have come and excited about the challenges they still get to face. I've never been to a convention, so I'm just going off what little I know, so bear with me on that. Feedback is appreciated. : )

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

Part 12

Arriving at the convention was an experience all its own.

From the moment they neared the location, an exciting and electrifying energy filled the air. The convention was held in a large and beautiful hotel and convention hall facility, like the one where she worked. Upon seeing the building, Y/N waited for the flurry of bad memories, but instead, she found herself wistful about the job she once had and hopeful she might work something like it again. She had a knack for hotel management and really enjoyed it.

Since Jensen and Jared were being dropped at the front, doing fan service upon their arrival, Jensen arranged for security personnel to escort her through the back. She agreed, not ready to interact with strangers about her Alpha or her life with him. She also didn't want to interfere or ruin the convention energy, knowing how protective he could be and how important the conventions were to them.

Instead, she was escorted to her and Jensen's hotel suite. She busied herself with putting things away and setting up the room for their stay. While she wasn't attending any festivities from a fan's perspective, she could observe unseen from behind the scenes and still get the whole gamut of events and her Alpha in his element.

When Jensen entered the room, he couldn't help but grin. Y/N was swaying her hips to low-pitched music and humming, and her happy scent filled the room as she looked over her work.

"Someone's happy," Jensen teased, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck.

His scent enveloped her before his arms did, and she melted with a happy sigh into him.

"Ready for dinner?"

She turned in his arms and smiled nervously, "The Supernatural dinner with all the famous and sexy actors?" she teased.

Jensen chuckled, "We sometimes all get together for dinner on the first night. There are other significant others and mates, even some kids," he shrugged.

"Yeah, but you all know each other already."

"Some of them you met on set," he reassured, rubbing his hands up and down her arms to calm her nerves. Her stomach grumbled, and he laughed, kissing her hand before leading her to meet up for dinner. "We're like one big family. You'll love it, I promise."

Dinner was held in a private room in the back of an upscale hotel restaurant. She'd never dined somewhere so lovely and was more than surprised to see long tables and family-style service. It was loud, lively, and fun. He was right; it didn't take long for her to feel welcomed and at home. By the time dinner was over and they were saying their goodnights, she'd felt like one of the family.

As the weekend continued, her nervousness faded. The cast, the fans, the energy—everything had her head spinning in a good way. She was almost sad she had never attended a convention before. The energy was different when the convention was held at her former hotel. Providing the best service and keeping everything running smoothly felt more urgent. Now, she got to be someone who just enjoyed it, though she missed that former life the longer they were here.

She often found herself glancing at employees or studying maps and hallways, trying to guess who did what and what led where based on her former knowledge. It was a little game she played with herself, almost pretending she could still work and live that life. Regardless, she didn't let it detract from the truly memorable events around her.

Seeing the photo ops was interesting for her. People waited in long lines just to have several seconds with the guys. She laughed over the poses and props that fans brought, and her heart was warmed at some of the more emotional meetings. The panels and more intimate meets were just as fascinating as she learned more about the show, the fandom, and Jared and Jensen. These guys were more than just actors or pretty faces. To some, they were lifelines or connections to something bigger than themselves.

She understood that completely because she felt the same.

Jensen felt like he was on top of the world. In fact, he felt damn spoiled. He always enjoyed the conventions, mingling with fans, messing around with Jared and Misha and the others. It was always memorable, and he was excited to share it with Y/N. She took in everything with wide, sparkling eyes and a soft smile, her scent positive and light.

He had ulterior motives for Y/N outside of just enjoying the convention. He wanted the weekend to double as a date. They'd mated and dealt with much that came with it. But they hadn't taken any time to date and get to know each other, so he figured the convention weekend would be a good opportunity. And he hadn't been disappointed.

At Friday's dinner with the cast, she was initially shy. However, Jared and Gen easily introduced her to conversations and encouraged her to open up and talk more. Halfway through dinner, after having a few drinks, she was openly chatting with those around her, chiming in on conversations, and acting as though she belonged there. Jensen knew she did; she just needed the push. It was important to him that she realized she had friends and a whole network to lean on.

Someone mentioned how great the hotel was in accommodating them and the convention. That's when Y/N mentioned she worked in a similar hotel and how frenzied it was on the host and customer service side. The table listened in as she talked about the other side of things, the work, and the details involved in making everything go smoothly. Jensen was impressed, watching as she captivated the table and spoke confidently on a topic she truly understood and enjoyed. He finally felt like he was seeing the person she was, and he was falling all over again.

Saturday, he spent his time between convention events and sneaking little moments with Y/N. They would chat, snack, and enjoy each other's company, and he learned things about her that he didn't know before. She was quirky and a dork, which was great 'cause so was he. She was kind and well-spoken and managed to charm everyone around her even when she wasn't trying.

He also noticed her taking in details of the hotel and drifting off. He thought back to when they met—and her speech at dinner—and suddenly felt overwhelming guilt that she had lost everything because of him because she was his True Mate. He knew he'd talk about it with her later in the privacy of their suite.

Just the thought of being alone with her had him on edge and yearning. His rut had been gradually surfacing over the weekend. Though it had become more manageable since mating, he still wasn't quite back to a standard, predictable cycle. Neither was Y/N after the suppressants, but they were healing and getting to that point. He was confident that he could control his rut and not have feral issues like before.

Jensen was eager to have her to himself when they crashed into their hotel room late Saturday night. He was dragging - nearly carrying - her along with him while she giggled, the two of them far too drunk after the night's festivities.

Y/N had a lot of fun at the concert, letting herself go and openly swooning and practically catcalling Jensen while he performed. She might have been embarrassed, except she wasn't the only one doing such a thing. And she might have bristled at all the others giving her Alpha all that attention, but she was too focused on said man to really care about anything else.

They crashed and tumbled through the door, laughing and shushing each other at the late hour. They fell to the bed in tangled limbs, mouths fused in sloppy kisses. But a quick breath turned into both of them promptly passing out, still fully clothed, shoes on and feet hanging off the bed.

When Jensen woke the following day, his cell phone rang and buzzed like mad in his pocket, and a banging sounded in the distance. He wasn't sure if someone was actually banging or if his head was just throbbing from the hangover. Y/N was still out beside him, mouth wide and drooling, hair a mess. He smirked, brushing the mess of locks from her face and kissing her cheek. Groaning, he sat up on the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes and lamenting the mild hangover.

It became apparent that the banging was actually knocking on the room door. He forced himself up and answered the door to find Jared upbeat and chipper. It grated his nerves, but when Jared hung up his phone and passed Jensen a fresh, strong coffee, all was forgiven.

"I'll be back in twenty," Jared smirked. "Get cleaned up, or we'll be late."

Jensen grumbled and nodded as he shut the door and got ready for the last day of the convention. He was bitter that he didn't get to have Y/N last night, and now, he wouldn't get to have her in the morning, either. There was always work to do. Taking a quick shower, he dressed and jotted a quick note to leave for Y/N. She didn't even stir as he kissed her cheek, only began to snore. Jensen laughed and calmed himself, knowing she was here, and after the contractual requirements, he could come back and satiate their needs without interruption.

By midday, Y/N stirred awake. She immediately recognized a hangover, clutching at her head with a groan. Her mouth was dry, and she felt rather gross. But then the memories of the night before flitted back to her mind, and she grinned. She had let loose, feeling comfortable enough to do so, and Jensen, too, relaxed. Together, they had a really fun night—almost like two people without a care in the world.

Forcing herself from the bed to the bathroom, she relieved herself and splashed water on her face. Going back to the suite, she noticed Jensen was gone. She grabbed her phone and realized the time before spotting the note left by Jensen. She giggled; she couldn't help it, loving how adorable and thoughtful he could be.

However, she was disappointed in herself for passing out when they returned and not waking before he left. She knew he was in a rut and would need her, but more than that, she had really wanted him, completely turned on after their exciting evening. She checked in with Jensen and apologized. He told her not to worry, to relax, to order room service, and to have a day in if she wanted, and she really did want that.

Jensen's enticing Alpha scent, more potent from his rut, reached her senses before she heard his key card in the door. She hadn't realized the time, but her body moved before she could even tell it to do so, meeting Jensen at the entrance as he closed the door behind him. She practically pounced on him, and he grinned, pressing her back into the door. He kissed along her neck and claim, taking deep lungfuls of her scent.

One hand squeezed her hip, and the other clutched her hair, tilting her head for him. He moaned as she ran her fingers through his hair, allowing him to scent her. Pulling back, he looked into her eyes, finding her pupils dilated, and her scent bloomed.

"This is just like our first time," Y/N smirked sultrily, not a hint of anger.

"I'm so sorry, 'Mega. Y/N," he whined, caressing her cheek and kissing her again. "That was never how I wanted it to go. I never wanted to hurt you or force you. My rut-"

"I know," she responded, placing a finger over his lips to stop his rambling. "So show me."

"What?"

"Show me, Alpha. Show me how that first time should have gone."

"A little roleplay, Omega?" Jensen smirked, pressing himself against her, letting her feel how much he needed her.

"Yes, Alpha. Please?"

Jensen captured her mouth with a groan, knowing he couldn't deny her anything when she begged him like that. He barely remembered that first time through the haze of his near-feral rut. She mainly had disassociated during the act, and the suppressants and blockers kept her from feeling and knowing their bond. Now, it was different. She was clear of any substance, and Jensen was in control of his rut, even if the cycle was still off. He picked her up, grinning when her legs wrapped around him.

He carried her toward the large bed in the room, their eyes locked. Stopping at the end, he playfully tossed her onto the mattress. She landed and bounced with a surprised squeal, followed by a giggle. Jensen tried not to laugh and stay 'in character,' hoping he could almost rewrite their first time in their minds.

"So strong," she purred as he climbed over her with a hungry gaze. "I can't believe Jensen Ackles is my Alpha," she swooned.

He couldn't stop laughing, then nipped at her collarbone, "Brat," he muttered. Rising, he gazed down at her in awe. "I've been waiting so long for you."

She wanted to kiss him passionately. Instead, he swiftly moved down her body, divesting her of her pants and underwear before she even realized what he was up to. All the best of his Alpha was on display for her. It made her heart flutter and her pussy throb. He stood at the end of the bed, taking off his clothes as he licked his lips and trailed his eyes over her body.

"Take that off," he growled, nodding towards her top as he stripped down to just his boxers.

She was quick to comply, and the second she was naked, he dove straight into her pussy, eating her out like a man starved, moaning at the flavor on his tongue. He continued until she was writhing, on edge, and begging him for more. He stopped just before she came, wanting to tease and draw it out. She gasped and whined as he kissed and bit his way up her body, making her moan and hiss and squirm.

He paused to give special attention to her breasts, teasing, sucking, and licking until she nearly came from that alone. But as before, he stopped just shy of pushing her over that edge, making her whine in protest. He chuckled as he kissed his way to her neck, licking over her claim and rutting against her.

"Taste and smell so damn good," he groaned into her neck. "Wanna make you mine, Omega," he breathed, staring down at her and trying to maintain the roleplay, even though they were both too far gone to keep up the pretense. "Wanna knot and claim you."

"Alpha!" she moaned, rutting back against him and delighting in the teasing bite he gave to her neck. "Yes, Alpha! Please."

In the back of her mind, she knew this wasn't even close to how she reacted their first time. However, with everything out of her system, the connection was undeniable. Claimed as they were, dual-bound to one another, everything felt lit up in neon between them.

Jensen angled his hips and slid within her, harshly and without warning, her slick more than enough to ease his way. While Y/N moaned like a pornstar, he felt like he might cry, the feel of her and their connection nearly overwhelming.

"Feel fucking incredible," Jensen moaned as he moved, his thrusts harsh and deep.

His rut drove him to be less gentle, but he already knew she could take it all and more. It didn't take long for her to come undone around him after all the build-up. Before she even came down, he withdrew and flipped her over. He lifted her hips and pressed her shoulders down into the mattress, thrusting inside and starting a rough and brutal pace.

Y/N had abandoned all thoughts about roleplay, submitting entirely to her Alpha and the harsh but delicious way he was claiming her whole body. She knew she was moaning and shouting, screaming for her Alpha, and she couldn't care at all. The headboard cracked loudly against the wall, and Jensen was sure there'd be complaints, but he, too, didn't care one fucking bit.

She came again, her body tensing, before she gushed over his cock. "Fuck, always so good for me," he purred as he lay over her and hitched one leg up to open her further to him.

He slowed his pace, focusing on feeling how deep inside her he was. His knot was ready to pop, but he wanted to feel her come for him again. He found her clit, rubbing tight small circles over it as he continued his pace, kissing along her shoulders and neck as he encouraged her toward her last climax. As soon as she did, his knot popped, locking them together. He bit into his claim, renewing the mark. As her blood hit his tongue, he continued rutting his hips into her, riding out their highs.

Jensen carefully shifted them to their sides and spooned Y/N while they waited for his knot to go down. He focused on her claim, licking it clean and ensuring it was sealed and healed as before.

"That was amazing," she turned her head to smile at him.

"I'm sorry it wasn't like that in the beginning."

"Don't," Y/N said, shaking her head. "You have to know I forgive you for everything. We wouldn't be who or where we are if anything were different. I love you completely with all of me."

Jensen knew it was the truth. He could feel it, knew it deep in his soul, and cherished every moment. "I love you, too. So much," he spoke, kissing her.

As she settled to sleep, Jensen pondered over the old fairytales and his parents' stories about True Mates. He was regaled by tales of the everlasting, soul-deep bonds and the romanticism of it all. But now, he finally understood for himself what it all meant and how it felt. He would do anything for Y/N. He was trying to change the world for her and loved her with every fiber of his being.

As he snuggled into her to sleep, he decided that fairytales were nothing compared to the real thing.

FOREVERS:

@lyarr24

@hobby27

@kazsrm67

@maliburenee

@440mxs-wife

@writercole

@spnbaby-67

@all-alone-he-turns-to-stone

@leigh70

@laycblack

@kr804573

RPF:

@smoothdogsgirl

JENSEN ACKLES:

@slamminmine

@deandreamernp

@akshi8278

@mimaria420

RESIGNED:

@b3autyfuldisast3r

@sexyvixen7

@deans-spinster-witch

@deans-baby-momma

@muhahaha303

@deansimpalababy

@evilunicorns4minions

#resigned #alpha!jensen x omega!reader #jensen ackles #alpha!jensen #reader insert #supernatural #supernatural rpf #spn #spn rpf #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic #rpf fanfic #a/b/o dynamics

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lucidlivi · 2 years ago

Text

Never Been You

Requested: @hzllxhoundxx

Everything Tag List: @jc-winchester @mrsjenniferwinchester @perpetualabsurdity @antisocialcorrupt @heavenlyackles @anixiiee @jackles010378 @suckitands33 @deans-spinster-witch @k-slla @alternativeprincess @spnbaby-67 (if you'd like added to my everything tag list, please indicate by saying "please tag me in everything Jensen/Dean")

Warnings: Angst, Demon Dean, Kidnapping, Violence, Mature Themes, Demon Dean Being an Absolute Dick

Following S10 E2, S10 E3 (of course with my twist!)

I got carried away so this is a hella long one for you guys!

"you need to get to Beulah North Dakota now!" I rushed out to Castiel who was on the other end of the phone call.

"I do?"

"yes, Crowley and Dean were there, we have to pick up their trail."

I looked over to see Sam in the truck hunched over in pain.

"good, great."

I felt the emotions wash over me for what felt like the thousandth time since seeing the footage of Dean, our Dean, sporting black eyes. Castiel has no idea.

"Not exactly, Cas, Dean's a Demon." I said feeling the unshed tears slip from my eyes.

"Dean's a Demon? How?"

"It's the mark Cas, it messed him up, I don't know." I cried.

"that's a vast understatement." Castiel grumbled.

"look Cas, I know you're not feeling so hot right now, but I need you, it’s sort of an all hands on deck situation, so…"

"so I'll be there."

I hopped back in the truck I had rescued Sam in and continued to drive to North Dakota. I played through every scenario in mind of how this could go, and none of them ended well.

I needed to find Dean, I needed to help him.

"I got a lead, disturbance at a night club, a rowdy patron beat a security guard senseless. It sounds like a demon thing to do." Sam said looking at his phone.

"I guess let's check it out then."

It was still daytime when we were pulling up to the strip club.

Of course Dean would end up here.

"think that's the guy?" I asked Sam, looking at a muscular security guard who was wearing a sling identical to Sam's and had two black eyes.

"I would say it's a safe bet."

I stopped the truck hopping out, followed by Sam.

"excuse me sir, is this the guy who attacked you last night?" Sam asked straight forward, showing a picture of Dean.

"that's the guy, I called 911 but he was gone before they showed up."

Damn.

I didn't expect him to still be here, but it felt like a blow to the gut to actually hear it.

"that dude get to you too?" He asked Sam referencing his sling.

"uh no, this uh is just a hunting accident." Sam responded.

"would you do us a favor, if this guy shows back up, please give us a call." I said producing a fake FBI business card with my number on it.

"you bet."

"thanks."

I ran a hand through my hair with a huff before getting back in the truck.

"what now?" I asked, feeling the tears prick at my eyes again.

I couldn't bare the thought of Dean actually being a demon.

"I don't know." Sam said in defeat.

I drove the truck to a nearby motel, renting us a room. Sam had been through hell, he needed to rest. I helped him lay down on the bed, noticing his eyes get instantly heavy.

"I'll be right back, I'm just going to get something out of the truck." I told him, rushing outside.

As soon as I stepped outside, I heard a voice that made my blood boil with anger.

"hello there love."

I turned around to see Crowley with a smirk on his face.

"did ya miss me?"

I huffed in anger, reaching behind me to pull a blade from my belt loop.

"oh so much." I growled.

"easy now, I know you're here for Dean, and I'm here to give him to you."

Is this a trick?

I could never truly trust Crowley.

"I don't understand."

"you see he's bad for business, he's.. he's become uncontrollable, must be the mark.." Crowley trails off with a smirk.

"anywho Dean's your problem now, again, forever." Crowley added.

"then where the hell is he?" I snapped, not being able to contain my anger towards the king of hell.

"ah ah, first there's a small matter of my finders fee."

"nothing ever comes free with you, wouldn't have expected anything less."

****************************************************

I hesitantly walk in to the bar not knowing what to expect. I didn't even tell Sam where I was going. I knew he didn't have the strength to fight, and I didn't want him to get hurt.

"hiya angel." Dean said looking up at me with a smirk.

I felt my breathing get heavy as I looked at him. It was Dean in the flesh, but this thing was so far from Dean. Dean was brave, he was kind, Dean cared.

"I told you to let me go." Dean said picking up his glass of whiskey and sipping it.

"you know I can't do that Dean."

He smirked, taking another sip.

"by the way, your pal Crowley, he sold you out, didn't take him much." I said stepping a bit closer.

"sounds like him."

"Dean, we can cure demons, don't you remember that?" I asked taking another step closer.

Dean picked up the first blade, walking past me in a threatening manner.

"a little latin, lot of blood, yeah it rings a bell. but did you ever stop to think that if I wanted to be cured, I wouldn't have bailed."

"Dean that was Crowley, you don't know what you're doing."

"that's what you think." Dean said pouring himself another glass of whiskey.

"well it doesn't matter Dean, whatever happened, whatever went down, we will fix it." I said cautiously taking another step towards him.

"Oh will we? Meanwhile I'm doing all I can to not come over there and rip your throat out."

"Dean you don't mean that."

"I'm giving you a chance to run sweetheart, better take it." Dean threatened.

"I'll pass." I said quickly.

“I'm not walking out that door with you, I'm just not, so what are you going to do angel, huh? Are you going to kill me?" Dean asked.

I felt a chill run down my spine at the way he called me angel. It was laced with venom.

"I didn't come here to kill you."

"why? you have no idea what I've done, in fact I might have it coming."

"I don't care Dean, you're my best friend, and I'm here to take you home. I'm here to save you."

I wanted to admit so much more to him.

I wanted to tell him that it's because I was in love with him and couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I was worried now that I wouldn't get the chance too.

I heard Dean start to chuckle.

"save me? why would you want to save me? it's never been you, you know." Dean said taking a sip.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Dean got up sauntering his way over to me. I instinctively took a step back, not trusting him. I soon found out though, the more distance I tried to put between us the closer he got. I raised my hand up putting it on his chest to stop him from getting any closer.

Dean smirked at me before twisting my arm and bringing his hand up to my throat. He pinned me to the wall a twisted look in his eyes. I felt a chill run down my spine, he was getting pleasure out of this.

"I see the way you look at me, the way you lust for me, you want me." Dean smirked.

I glared at him, trying to turn my face away, his hold on my throat getting tighter.

"you don't want to kill me because you're in love with me, and you have been for quite some time, haven't you?"

I couldn't speak, Dean's hold on me was too tight. I furrowed my eyebrows as if to convey he wasn't right, even though he was.

"and its never been you for me.. you see while you've been trying to find me, trying to save me, i've been fucking everything with a heartbeat." Dean growled.

I could feel the tears brim my eyes as his words cut in to me. I knew he was just trying to hurt me, but part of me wondered if that's how Dean actually felt.

He let go of my throat, shoving me to the floor. I instantly stood back up taking out the handcuffs from my back pocket.

"you really think those are going to work sweetheart?" Dean asked with a smirk.

"well there's one way to find out."

As I took a step forward, the window shattered and the entire room started filling with smoke. I looked to my left to see someone had threw a smoke grenade. I felt the air rush from my lungs as I breathed in the smoke. I put my shirt over my mouth and nose, trying to find an exit. I started to cough, as my vision got blurry.

I finally found the emergency exit, pushing it open. I saw the silhouette of a man on the other side as I collapsed from smoke inhalation. He struck me across the face hard, causing me to fall back to the ground, hitting my head in the process.

I was seeing stars as I sat clutching my bleeding head. Dean came out glaring the man down. I heard them exchange some words, but couldn't make out exactly what they were saying.

I noticed myself start to slip in and out of consciousness.

I saw them start to fight, Dean clearly having the upper hand.

I felt like my head was on fire, as I glanced up seeing Dean holding the first blade to the guys neck. He was going to kill him. I was surprised when he dropped him, tucking the blade back in to his pocket. I tried to muster up any strength I could to get up, but my body was betraying me. Dean walked over to me, a sick grin etched on to his face as he swayed his hips.

"Dean please." I choked out.

"time to sleep now baby."

Dean raised his hand striking me, and that's the last thing I remember before my world went dark.

****************************************************

I was in agonizing pain as I fluttered my eyelashes open. I panicked as I couldn't move my body. I looked down to see my arms and legs were bound to a wooden chair. I gathered from my surroundings that I was in some kind of warehouse, but I didn't recognize where.

"oh good, you're awake."

Dean came over crouching in front of me so we were eye level.

"let me go." I growled.

"can't do that angel." He said caressing my cheek.

I quickly moved my head away, causing his hand to fall.

"you don't want to provoke me." Dean growled.

"or what? you're going to kill me?"

Dean gave a sickly sweet smile. He leaned in close whispering in my ear.

"or you're going to wish you were dead."

"I'm not scared of you Dean." I snapped.

Dean lets out a chuckle, standing to his feet.

"I knew there was a reason I liked you so much, feisty little thing."

"why don't you let me out of these ropes and I'll show you just how feisty I can be."

Dean chuckled again, grabbing a bottle of whiskey taking a sip.

"I don't even know why I'm talking to you, this isn't even the real you." I scoffed.

"oh it's the real me alright, the new real me, the me who sees things for what they actually are."

I scoffed again rolling my eyes at his words.

"hunters, do-gooders, fighting the natural order, well let me tell you something sweetheart people like me, we are the natural order."

"yeah well people like me still gotta do what we can." I growled.

Dean smirked as he crouched back down to my eye level.

"oh don't be so full of yourself baby, cause you see from where I'm sitting, there ain't much difference from what I turned in to, to what you already are." Dean smirked.

"and what is that supposed to mean?" I growled.

Dean took one hand resting on my cheek, the other on the back of my neck so I couldn't move away from him again.

"I know what you did when you went looking for me, how far you went." Dean whispered, dangerously close to my face.

I felt the guilt sink back in.

I just kept telling myself I did what I had to in order to find Dean. I felt my breathing quicken as Dean came in closer, practically brushing his lips against mine.

"so let me ask you baby, which one of us is really the monster?"

I felt the tears brimming my lashes as Dean stared at me. Dean smirked as he stood back up.

"Now you and Sammy were trying to get a twenty on Crowley and me from any demon you could snag, but Crowley didn't want to be found, and no one showed when you summoned. But you my angel, you found your own way didn't you?"

I was ridden with guilt as I remembered how I tricked Lester in to summoning a demon to make a deal.

"You would've liked to have gotten there before the deal went down but you didn't really care about poor ol' Lester did you? Oh and just so you know, I uh killed Lester myself." Dean smirked as if it were funny.

"I never meant.." I started to choke out but Dean cut me off.

"who cares what you meant, that line that we thought was so clear between us and the things we hunted, ain't so clear is it?" Dean yelled.

I bit my lip to stop the tears from falling.

"wow, you know, you might actually be worse then me. I mean you took a guy at his lowest, used him, and it cost him his life and his soul, nice work baby." Dean said crouching back down.

I spit in his face, the anger I was feeling towards him boiling over. Dean angrily wiped his face off with the hem of his shirt.

"there's no point in trying to bring your best friend back now." Dean growled.

"oh I’ll bring him back, if it's the last thing I do." I growled.

"In fact, your uh guilt ridden, weight-of-the-world best friend, has been M.I.A. for quite some time now. I have to say though, I'm loving the new model, lean, mean, Dean."

I rolled my eyes turning my head away from him.

"I can't believe you're still trying! I mean, I couldn't wait to get away from you. I chose the king of hell over you! I guess I was just tired of having to coddle you, always having to yank your ass out of the fire. Do you ever stop to think that just your very existence sucks the life out of my life?" Dean said.

I could feel the tears run down my cheeks as he spoke.

"this isn't my best friend talking, he would never say those things." I spoke, more for my benefit than for his.

"you never had a best friend, just an excuse for wimping out, and guess what angel, I quit."

"no, you don't get to quit, we don't quit, okay you and me Dean we're bonded whether you like it or not, and this bond is all that we've got." I cried.

"well then we've got nothing." Dean smirked.

I looked down at the floor, praying that Sam had noticed I was gone. I was praying to Castiel to come find me. I knew if it came down to it, I couldn't kill Dean, even if it meant he'd kill me. I was praying for another solution.

I heard the door open and the sound of heeled footsteps against the floor.

"you brought us a play thing?"

I looked up to see a female, she wore black eyes similar to Deans.

"not us, mine." Dean growled at the girl who took a step closer to me.

"but I want to play too." she smirked coming over to me, brushing a piece of hair off my bare shoulder.

I shivered at her touch, trying to move away with what limited space I had.

"I said no." Dean growled.

I glanced up meeting Dean's eyes and for a second, just a second, I could see he wasn't totally gone.

"have you gone soft on us Winchester?"

"ha, not even, but you see that one's kind of a special project of mine, and I want to kill her myself." Dean smirked staring at me.

"okay, then I won't kill her."

As she said this, she shoved the chair back, causing me to hit my head on the concrete below. I grunted as the air was knocked out of my lungs.

"I'll just hurt her." she laughed.

"Dean please." I pleaded, struggling to breathe.

"Dean's gone." the woman whispered, running a hand through my hair.

"Dean I know you're in there. I'm begging you. I always rely on you because I know I can. Dean you're the most selfless person I know. I know that somewhere inside you still care. I know you don't want to hurt me Dean." I cried.

As I was putting on my show, I managed to wiggle one of my arms free. I reached around to grab my blade that was hidden in my belt loop, but I didn't feel anything.

"are you looking for this?" she smirked, inspecting the demon blade.

"go back to hell where you belong." I snapped.

"nice show, even almost had me fooled for a second." I heard her laugh.

She held the blade to my cheek. I could feel my breathing quicken as she ran the blade down my cheek towards my neck. She pressed in just enough to draw a small trickle of blood. I looked past her to try to reason with Dean again but I didn't see him.

I suddenly felt blood splatter on my face. It was coming from the woman's mouth as Dean plunged the first blade deeper in to her spine. I watched the life leave her eyes in an instant. Dean grunted as he ripped the blade out, her now lifeless body slumping over my own. He threw her body off of me, picking the chair back up.

He started to pace around the room as if he wasn’t sure what just happened.

"look what you made me do!" Dean yelled.

"Dean, let me go, and then I can help you." I whimpered weakly.

Dean glared at me, his eyes going black before flashing back to his normal green ones. Dean growled, opening the door to the room before slamming it shut leaving me alone.

I had to get out of here. I noticed my blade still on the ground, just a few feet from where I sat. If I can get to it, I can cut myself free.

I leaned over as far as I could, causing the chair to tip over sideways. I once again smacked my head on the concrete as I fell. I groaned at the impact but shook it off, using my free arm to pull myself closer to the knife. I reached out my arm, my fingers just barely grazing the handle.

"come on!" I exclaimed, trying to grip it again.

I finally managed to wrap my fingers around the handle of the blade. I breathed a momentary sigh of relief, cutting my other arm free from the ropes than cutting my ankles free. I stood up weakly looking for an exit. I took my sleeve, wiping the blood off my face.

I wasn't sure how much of it was hers, and how much of it was my own.

I finally saw a red exit sign. I mustered up all my strength sprinting over to it. I put my hand on the door, but suddenly stopped.

I couldn't leave him.

I wouldn't.

I was debating with myself when I heard a loud growl. Dean must've come back and noticed I was gone.

"you're coming home whether you like it or not." I whispered, running through the warehouse.

I could hear Dean walking after me, opening doors as he went. It was eery how calm he walked.

"come on baby, don't you want to hang out with me, spend a little quality time." Dean yelled.

I quieted my breathing as I found the keys to the electrical room. I moved quietly against the walls towards the room.

I heard Dean kick down some doors, growling every time I wasn't behind one of them. I managed to get to the electrical room. I fumbled with the keys trying to unlock the door.

"fuck" I muttered in frustration.

I finally got in, and immediately pulled every switch I could, killing the power.

"that's smart angel, but now I know where to find you." Dean growled as he rushed towards where I was.

I hid against the wall waiting for him. I heard him enter quietly, looking around for me.

"come on out angel, you're just making things worse for yourself." Dean growled.

I rushed over to the door, just as Dean threw the switches back, restarting the power.

"now this is me yanking your ass out of the fire." I spit slamming the door and locking him inside.

I heard Dean chuckle.

"this is your big plan, locking me in?"

"Dean, just please come with me and we can cure you." I said holding out my demon blade.

It was completely silent.

"Dean?"

I jumped in fright as Dean banged on the door, slowly splitting the wood.

"you act like I wanna be cured, personally I like the disease." Dean growled, using a hammer he found to break the door down.

"Dean stop! I don't want to use this blade on you!" I yelled holding it out further in front of my body.

"that sucks for you doesn't it angel, cause you really mean that." Dean smirked, hitting the door with the hammer again.

"Dean if you come out of that room, I won't have a choice." I whimpered, choking back tears.

"oh sure you will, and I know which one you'll make, isn't that right baby?" Dean growled smacking the door harder.

I knew the door wouldn't hold him much longer.

"I'm lucky though, cause there's just enough demon left in me that killing you, ain't gonna be a choice at all." Dean growled continuing to break the door down.

I felt the tears streaming down my face at this point. I could see the door giving way. I turned around sprinting away before it broke completely. I heard one last loud bang before the door gave way. Dean's heavy footsteps were once again behind me.

"come on angel, lets kiss and make up. I'm tired of playing let's finish this game." Dean growled.

I leaned against the wall taking a deep breath. I didn't have the strength to continue. I knew I was no match for him.

I glanced down the corridor where I thought Dean was coming from. I didn't see him though.

I turned around just in time to see a hammer flying towards my head. I ducked quickly, pushing my demon blade against Dean's throat. I could hear Dean chuckle as he looked at me, raising his hands in mock surrender.

"well, well look at you baby, go on do it." Dean growled leaning in to the knife.

I felt the tears cloud my vision as I slowly dropped the knife.

I couldn't kill him.

I watched as Dean's eyes went black. He gripped my throat throwing me against the wall before slamming me on the ground. I watched him take out the first blade, bringing it above his head.

"Dean I love you."

I closed my eyes, waiting for death to come.

But it didn't.

I opened my eyes to see Dean growling, as if he was fighting an inner battle with himself, a battle for his soul. I caught sight of Castiel sneaking up behind Dean, wrapping him in his arms. Dean growled, trying to get out of his grasp.

"Dean it's over." Cas said his eyes flashing their beautiful blue.

Dean collapsed in CastieI's arms, before I slapped the demon cuffs on him. I felt myself relax as I saw Sam rushing to my side.

****************************************************

"I'll meet you guys soon, just one thing left to do." I said holding the first blade in my hand.

"Be careful." Sam said placing a kiss on my forehead.

I gave him a nod, watching him get in the impala with Castiel and a still unconscious Dean. I sighed as they pulled away from me.

"you can stop hiding now." I called.

I saw Crowley emerge from the shadows, a smirk on his face as he eyed the blade.

"pleasure doing business with you." He spoke reaching his hand out.

I quickly pulled it out of his reach.

"what are you going to do with it?" I inquired.

"oh toss it in a volcano, leave it on the moon, i'll get creative." He laughed.

I hesitantly eyed him.

"believe me love, I don't want Dean getting his hands on the precious any more than you do. he knows I've ratted and he tends to hold a grudge....I don't want to get how you say boned."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"besides a deals a deal."

I huffed before handing the blade over to him.

"I hope you know this doesn't make us square, quite the opposite actually, I swear Crowley if I see you again.." I started but he cut me off.

"oh stop it love, no one likes a tease."

I glared at him one last time before hopping in the truck, starting the drive back to Kansas.

I felt like my head was going to explode from everything that had happened in such a short time. Dean's words replayed in my head on a continuous loop.

It wasn't him, I know that. It didn't make anything he said any less hurtful though.

It's never been you.

You see while you've been trying to find me, trying to save me, I've been fucking everything with a heartbeat.

Do you ever stop to think that just your very existence sucks the life out of my life?

I felt the tears cloud my vision, making the road harder to see. I pulled over to the side of the road and cried. I let out every emotion I'd been holding in.

I cried for Dean, I cried for what he went through. I cried for me. I cried for the strain that this was going to put on our relationship. I just cried.

I didn't know how long I'd been crying but I finally collected myself enough to start driving again. I knew that Sam and Castiel could handle Dean. I'm sure they were already back in Kansas, starting the purified blood cure on Dean.

I didn't even know if I was ready to face him again. I spilled my darkest secret to Dean, fearing that I would be dead and never having the chance to tell him.

Dean didn't kill me though.

He could have very easily, I didn't put up much of a fight.

But he didn't.

I was praying that maybe some part of him felt something for me too.

I managed to make the rest of the drive to Kansas. I pulled up to the bunker, hearing Dean growl as the demon was expelled from his body. I hesitantly walked over seeing him slumped over in a chair, much like I was hours ago. Sam injected another syringe of purified blood in to his arm.

"what the hell are we doing to him guys? I mean even after everything he said he didn't want to be cured, that he didn't want to be human." I spoke, feeling the tears that I was sure I had cried all out, start to rim my eyes once again.

"well, I can see his point, you know, only humans can feel real joy, but also such profound pain." Castiel said staring directly at me while talking about pain.

"I guess this is easier." Sam added.

I was about to respond when Dean groaned, trying to move. He raised his head, showing us his black eyes, before they returned to their shade of green.

Dean groaned hoarsely before exhaling a big breath. He looked at the three of us confused, as if everything was coming back to him.

"you look worried guys." Dean spoke up.

I could feel Dean's eyes stay on me. He stared at me intently. I just hoped I didn't look as broken as I felt.

Castiel, Sam, and I gave each other a look, all wondering the same thing. Was Dean back?

Sam uncapped the holy water throwing it on to Dean's face. I sighed with relief when he didn't have a reaction to it. Sam smiled at us. I was still a little apprehensive as was Castiel.

"Dean, we've missed you." Sam said.

Castiel and Sam unchained Dean, helping him to his feet. I felt like every word I wanted to say was stuck in my throat. Dean stared at me as the boys led him to his room. He was weak, the blood cure taking a lot out of him.

How was I even supposed to talk to him about this?

Castiel and Sam returned quickly after getting Dean settled.

"how's he doing?" I asked the boys.

"he's still a little out of it, but better. I mean I think the blood cure, all of it, it really wrecked him you know." Sam said giving me an apologetic look.

It was silent for a moment.

"on the plus side, he's hungry again so I'm going to go pick us up some food, you guys mind keeping an eye?" Sam added grabbing the keys to the impala.

I nodded my head as he walked out. Castiel was unnaturally quiet.

"what is it Cas?"

"one problem is solved, but one still remains. Dean is no longer a demon, that's true, but the mark of cain, that he still has, and sooner or later that's going to become an issue.”

I knew he was right, Castiel always was.

"one battle at a time Cas." I half smiled.

Castiel looked at me with a sad face. It was no use hiding my emotions from him because the angel always figured it out. Castiel stepped up, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. I felt a tear cascade down my cheek as I sunk in his embrace.

"I'm uh, going to get cleaned up." I whispered.

I felt every muscle in my body aching as I walked to the bathroom. I cringed when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I looked like hell.

I sported a hand shaped bruise around my throat, along with a cut from my knife. I had a gash on my head, and my face was still crimson colored from the blood. I could see various other bruises forming all over. I licked over my lip that was busted from being thrown against the wall by Dean.

I definitely looked as broken as I felt.

I sighed as I stepped in to the steady stream of water, the sound of the water slapping against my skin drowned out my sobs. I scrubbed my skin until it felt raw.

I got out wrapping the towel tightly around my body. I tiptoed past Deans room. I couldn't help my curiosity as I heard Dean and Castiel talking.

"thank you, for stepping in when you did... has uh she talked to you? what does she say, does she want anything to do with me?" Dean asked.

I could hear the hurt in his voice. It made me hurt more.

"I'm sure she knows whatever you said, whatever you did, that wasn't really you, I mean it certainly wasn't all of you." Castiel reassured.

"Cas, I tried to kill her. Did you see her? I did that! I can't take back the things I said Cas." Dean said.

"Dean I feel I can be honest with you. You two have been through so much together, you're bonded. It'll take a lot more than you trying to kill her with a hammer to get her to walk away." Castiel said.

"you realize how screwed up our lives are that, that even makes sense?" Dean says causing Cas to chuckle.

"I think you should talk to her, and then maybe you should uh take some time, allow both of you to heal."

I heard Castiel exit Dean's room, closing the door. He gave me a wordless look as he passed, signifying that his words were just as much meant for me as they were for Dean.

Castiel the wise.

Of course I couldn't walk away from Dean.

I sighed as I walked to my room, quickly throwing on some clothes. As soon as I lay in my soft bed, I realize how burnt out I was. I heard a soft knock on my door.

"yeah?" I called out hesitantly.

"it's me, the real me."

I felt the air get caught in my throat.

"come in."

Dean opened the door slowly. I could see the hurt flashing in his eyes at he looked at me. I sat up not meeting his eyes. Dean walked over, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"(y/n), I.."

"you don't have to apologize Dean, I know that wasn't you." I spoke.

"it doesn't make it any less shitty though." He said through gritted teeth.

"or hurt any less." I admitted.

Dean ran a hand through his hair in frustration. I could see that this was really hurting him.

"but you could've killed me, and you didn't, you saved me, you stopped yourself." I said finally meeting his eyes.

"I couldn't kill you. I feel for you too much, even as a demon." Dean whispered, hesitantly looking at me.

I felt my heart swell up at his words.

"what I said, it wasn't true." Dean said, sliding just a bit closer to my body.

"it's okay if part of it was, it's never been me and that's okay." I said feeling my heartache.

Dean looked at me as if I had three heads.

"never been you? It's always been you."

I felt the tears run down my cheeks as Dean put a hand up, caressing one of them.

"Dean I don't know how we move on from this." I cried.

"I don't know either, but we're going to do it, together, just like always."

I smiled at Dean for the first time.

"there's my Dean." I whispered.

Dean leaned in slowly, leaning his forehead against mine.

"did you mean what you said?" Dean asked hesitantly.

I gave him a confused look.

"that you love me, did you mean it?"

I swallowed nervously as I stared at him. I slowly nodded my head adverting my eyes from his gaze. Dean grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him.

I gasped as Dean crashed his lips on to mine. I was shocked so naturally I was still. Once my brain processed what was happening I pressed my lips against his, kissing him as if my life depended on it. He pulled away slowly, keeping his forehead pressed to mine.

“I love you too, I always have.” Dean spoke.

I felt the tears well in my eyes again, but these tears were different. These weren’t tears of sadness, they were tears of pure love.

Dean smiled as he reconnected our lips together in a heated kiss. It was lustful, neither one of use being able to contain the passion we had felt for each other for far too long.

Dean slid his hands under my shirt, gripping on to my hips as he deepened the kiss. I was so caught up in the moment I ignored my muscles screaming at me to stop. Dean brought my shirt over my head, breaking the kiss just long enough to do so. I felt insecure as my bare chest was now exposed for him. I panted as he brought his lips down to my neck gently kissing over the bruise.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Dean said in between kisses.

I grabbed the hem of his shirt taking it off. I saw the mark of cain glistening on his forearm. I brought his arm to my lips, slowly kissing over the mark. Dean pushed me back on the bed so he was hovering over me. I gasped as his hands slid there way down my body to my shorts.

It was slow and passionate. I felt like my skin was on fire every time his fingertips met my skin. Dean dragged my shorts down my legs, his fingers brushing against my sensitive heat.

I wasted no time putting my hands in his pants yanking them down over his butt and down his legs. I was surprised to feel that he was already fully erect.

“do you want this?” Dean asked kissing my lips.

“more than i’ve ever wanted anything.”

Dean, with my consent slowly slid himself in to me. I groaned as my body adjusted to his large girth. He started to move at a slow pace, savoring the feeling of finally being together so intimately.

“It’s always been you.” Dean said as he thrusted deeply.

I don’t think either of us had the energy for the sex we really wanted to have but this sex was sweet, and full of love. I moaned as Dean picked up the pace, but still savoring the feeling of every thrust inside of me. I brought my hips up matching his thrusts. I was a moaning mess as we thrusted against each other, our lips crashing with each thrust.

“Dean” I moaned signifying that I was close.

Dean thrusted some more, softly but at a steady rhythm. I moaned one last time as I felt myself spilling over the edge. I was gripping him so hard, it cause him to release his arousal too. Dean’s body gave out as he collapsed beside me.

“hey guys I got the… oh god really Dean?” Sam said dropping the bag of food and covering his eyes.

I laughed at him, joined by Dean.

“not even back twenty four hours and this is how you’re spending your time.” Sam groaned in embarrassment.

“blame Cas, he’s the one that told us we should talk.” Dean laughed.

Sam backed out of my room, shutting the door behind him. I gazed at Dean but found out he was already staring at me.

“I didn’t save you, you saved me.” Dean whispered tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

“I’ll always save you Dean.”

“Always?”

“Always.”

Author Note:

I really hope you guys like it! If you feel so inclined please leave a heart, comment, reblog or a follow! I appreciate it!

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agirlwithdemonblood · 8 months ago

Text

The Celebrity Next Door: Chapter 2 - Tensions Rise

Pairings: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Chapter Summary: Sometimes its better to avoid your neighbours, especially the grumpy ones.

Warnings: Grumpy Jensen, swearing.

Series Masterlist here!! & Main masterlist here!

"How are you liking Los Angeles so far?" Angela, my new boss, chuckled as she leaned against the doorway of my office. I shrugged, trying to summon a positive response.

"It's... different. I guess I haven't fully settled in yet," I replied warily.

Angela smiled reassuringly. "Give it time. LA has a way of growing on people. Plus, you'll probably run into more celebrities than you expect."

I laughed at the thought. Celebrities. Yeah, that would be fun to meet more celebrities.

I hesitated, debating whether to mention my encounter with Jensen Ackles, my grumpy, celebrity neighbour from yesterday. But I quickly realized she knew where I lived, and sharing his address wouldn't be wise.

"And how's your new office?" Angela asked, walking around the room.

I grinned, gesturing around the spacious room that came with my promotion. "It's perfect. Quite the upgrade from my office back in New York."

Angela nodded approvingly, her positivity contagious. One of the perks of working here was her cheerful presence.

"Well, I'll let you get back to it. We're glad to have you on board, Y/N!"

I smiled genuinely and nodded, "Thank you, Angela!"

The rest of the day dragged on as I navigated through new office protocols, met my coworkers, and sorted out administrative tasks. It wasn't much different from the routines in the New York branch, just with a touch of LA attached to it.

By 5:00 pm, I was eager to head home. Climbing into my truck, I couldn't shake the feeling of loneliness that had settled in. New York was never this quiet; there was always a sense of hustle and bustle that gave me comfort but here, it was silent and isolating.

The drive home was quick, but noiseless. Pulling into my parking spot, I spotted a figure standing at my door, his back facing where I was standing. I cautiously stepped out of my car and the figure turned around, and I froze in my step.

Jensen.

I managed a shy smile and greeted him quietly. "Uh... Hi."

He returned a dry smile, his hands shoved into his hoodie pockets. "Hi. We didn't properly meet yesterday. I'm Jensen."

I extended my hand hesitantly, but he didn't reciprocate. Feeling awkward, I withdrew my hand and crossed my arms. "I'm Y/N."

He nodded, his expression a mix of amusement and annoyance.

"Well..." Jensen started, his gaze locking onto mine momentarily before quickly racing away. "I, uh, wanted to ask about the window. I'll cover the cost."

I shook my head, leaning against the railing. "It's already taken care of. Don't worry about it."

Confusion flickered across his face, as if my words didn't compute in his mind. "Katie broke it. I should pay."

I shook my head, standing straighter as the tension between us eased slightly. "It's fine. I work in insurance; getting it fixed was no big deal. Besides, save your money for the next window she breaks," I joked, immediately regretting my attempt at lightheartedness.

Jensen's demeanor shifted, reverting to the stern and irritated man I'd encountered the day before.

"Sorry," I apologized quickly, realizing my mistake. "That was my shitty attempt to lighten the mood."

He nodded briefly, descending the stairs past me and muttering a goodnight before disappearing into his house. If I could reach behind myself and kick my own ass for my stupid joke, I would have.

I have never been good at speaking with others, not really, especially with someone like Jensen. Unlike my professional appearance at work, I struggled with genuine interactions. Speaking to actual strangers, having a conversation and opening up-that I was terrible at.

It was something I always faked-the confidence. People wouldn't guess it by looking at me, but I was a pretty anxious person, it was a part of me that I didn't like being shown. It seemed like with Jensen, my secret was becoming unraveled.

As I headed back inside, a sense of loneliness and frustration washed over me. It was disheartening to realize I'd started off on the wrong foot with my neighbour, especially one as important as Jensen Ackles.

The next morning, I set up my computer in my home office. Working from home twice a week was a luxury that helped ease the transition to LA life.

After my second meeting of the day, I pulled off my headphones and the sound of shouting filled my ears. Curiosity got the better of me, and I stepped out onto my porch to see Jensen, phone in hand, yelling loudly enough to echo through the neighbourhood.

"You knew I had a fucking audition today! Half an hour's notice? Are you kidding me?" His words shooting out like venom causing my anxiety to rise.

I hesitated, debating whether to offer help despite our rocky start. There was an unexplainable urge to reach out, to make sure he was okay and it confused me.

Jensen hung up abruptly, slumping onto his stairs with defeat engraved across his face. My heart ached for him; beneath his gruff exterior, there was obviously something deeper going on with him.

In that moment, I made my decision. I was going to help him, or at least offer. I crossed my yard and nervously opened his gate, approaching cautiously. His head snapped up as I cleared my throat.

"Hi... I just wanted..." I started hesitantly before he rudely cut me off.

"Look, it was nice meeting you, but we're not that kind of neighbours," Jensen interjected sharply. "You don't need to keep coming over uninvited."

My smile wavered, my words caught in my throat. "What?"

"Is it because you know who I am? You want to get close to your famous neighbour? Want the scoop on my fucked up drama?" His tone was accusatory, his frustration evident.

I flinched, stung by his assumptions. "Are you kidding? Yes, I know who you are, but I couldn't care less. To me, you're just my neighbour, my grumpy ass neighbour who happens to be famous."

Jensen's expression wavered between disbelief and something unreadable.

"I came over to offer some help or somebody to talk to considering you were just screaming so loud, the entire damn block could hear you, but forget it. Screw being neighbourly."

His mouth hung open as he struggled to find words, but I didn't care what he had to say. I didn't want a response. I stormed back to my house, anger bubbling in my chest like sparkling water. My mind was clouded with anxiety and nerves, and I felt on the verge of collapsing.

As soon as I shut the door, reality hit me, flooding my head with his words and my own. I hated that I felt suffocated by a stupid argument with him, hated the tears threatening to pour, hated that he made me vulnerable and exposed a side of me I didn't know existed.

I hated living next to him. I hated that I ever knocked on his door.

I was done trying with him-done saying hello, offering a smile, or caring. I was fed up, finished.

Jensen Ackles was not a nice person, and I was done trying to be nice to him.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Chapter 3 coming soon stay tuned!

Like, comment, and reblog, feedback is my fuel 💕

#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester #dean x reader #supernatural one shot #dean #spn fic #jensen's smile #deanwinchester #spns

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mlobsters · 2 months ago

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probably a weird thing to ask you but you seem to have watched a lot of those panels. why do you think they keep doing those cons. outside i guess of the money. i'm asking as someone who hasn't seen their panels at all. maybe one day i will. but like, i think, what do you think j2 (and the rest of the cast presumably) get out of it.

thank you again for this ask, i am very happy to have an excuse to talk about this! i have not been in this fandom very long (about 2 years now) and i mostly just make stuff so i think i still have a slightly outsider perspective, so i suppose take all this with that in mind. :)

straight away, for sure the financial aspect is gonna be part of it - and i imagine especially so for the cast that participates that had smaller roles. but that aside, i don't genuinely believe that the main cast would continue to do these for so long unless they enjoyed it and got something positive out of it, especially being that they are actively working on other projects too. they actually talked about this, in a way, at this most recent con (nashcon 2024) so i'm going to include some of that - and a bit jared talked about the connections fans have made (chicon 2023). for reasons stated below*, i'm sure there are a bunch of examples of times they've talked about these things i'm not aware of, because i haven't read or watched that much panel content. but here's a small sampling.

jared and jensen main panel, nashcon 2024 question: what has it been like to watch the entire fandom change and grow over these last many years, and people who have been at these conventions change and grow?

jared and jensen gold panel chicon 2023 question: what's your favorite fan interaction over the years?

to go along with this, i think it's part and parcel to the topic; i really do believe they truly are invested and care about their characters and the story. the way they've talked about the revival/season 16/whatever you call it, they're all in to go back to it. jared even mentioned at one point if they had shorter seasons (which they asked for repeatedly), they might still be making the show. i don't have concrete examples i can point to in panels, but i think if you do watch them talk about their characters much, there's a lot of thoughtfulness and care there.

Would you be open to returning to Sam Winchester? I feel like there are more stories for that character and, with The Winchesters done, it's a weird time to be a Supernatural fan with no new Supernatural on television for the first time in almost 20 years. It is weird, right? It's weird for you to say that and weird for me to realize it. The simple answer to your question is 100%. I will play Sam Winchester again. Jensen will play Dean Winchester again. It's more of a timing and availability thing. In hindsight, Jensen and I have always said "always," if we ever have the option. I think in the last two or three seasons of Supernatural, when we realized somebody might want more, we said "2025. In 2020, we're ending this. Let's get together in five years and see what Sam and Dean are up to." I'm going to see him in a few weeks to talk to him about it again. We've talked about it a few times. He and I are both champing at the bit to see what these boys have been up to and what else good they can do in this world or the next. I'm excited about it. My only contingency about it is, with Jensen and I being so protective of the show and the characters, the story has to be absolutely right. I don't just put on flannel and big coat, get in an Impala and say "Dean!" That won't work for Jared. It needs to have a purpose, as Sam and Dean always did.

via cbr, walker season 4 interview with jared

and i think they just have fun! they've developed a relationship with fandom that works for them in this format and they get to play around on stage with their friends and entertain people that love them. at the end of the day, it is a job for them, and they are putting on a performance; but i wouldn't be so cynical to think they aren't being somewhat genuine within that framework.

jared and jensen dccon 2023 main panel question: How long have you guys been friends?

and not to be totally j2 brained, but when you have a connection with someone like this, maybe it also isn't such a hardship to keep working together

*i actually haven't actually watched many panels! but fortunately for me (us), i have seen a lot of gifs and transcriptions. i have a hard time with the video format for reasons. when i decide to make gifs, it's often because i saw a quote or snippet somewhere and i go looking for the conversation to get a clip of, and sometimes might bump into something else that grabs me while i'm there. fortunately, a lot of the videos on youtube have at least autogenerated captions so i can scroll through the transcript there/search for keywords, etc. @eisforeidolon transcribes selections of questions from cons periodically, which i'm forever grateful for. a not insignificant chunk of my panel related show/cast trivia has been gleaned from those.

#j2 #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #chicon 2023 #chicon #nashcon 2024 #nashcon #mygifs #j2gifs #j2 cons #j2 gifs #asks #bloodyentrails #dccon 2023 #long post

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dreamytfw · 21 days ago

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Using one of @bardicious's tags as an excuse to nerd out about one of my favorite critiques ❤️

So late-stage SPN has a BIG problem with telling and not showing. It's ESPECIALLY bad in the Dabb-era, and Dean telling Mary that solitary was worse than Hell is THE example for this.

Let's start out by establishing that solitary confinement is a form of torture. Humans are a social species above all else and we tend to suffer A LOT of adverse effects if we're completely cut off from any and all social interaction. I am by no means an expert in this - I'm a just a nerdy information junky - so I'm going to leave a TedX talk here that describes what happens to prisoners who go through solitary confinement

youtube

I knew all of this before the episode aired, so I had no problem believing Dean when he said that being in solitary was worse than Hell. So I was genuinely shocked when most people walked away from that line going "pft, yeah right. Dean's tougher than that!"

So I went back and rewatched the scene. That's when I realized that the show does a fuck awful job at communicating what solitary confinement does to someone. Like, seriously. I would include a clip here, but I couldn't find it on youtube, so go and rewatch it again or look at a gif set if you need a refresher, I guess.

Their first mistake was breaking up the scenes of Sam and Dean in solitary. I don't know whose decision this was (probably Singer since he was director, but I don't know for sure), but it's a very bad one because it breaks up the mind-numbing tedium of solitary that the scenes should have been communicating. The first thing they do with the solitary scenes is have the anti-terrorism guy whose name I can't be bothered to look up tell Sam, Dean, and the audience that they're going to lose their minds before they get locked in. Dean counts the days with a loose screw (HAHA GET IT??? 'CAUSE HE HAS A SCREW LOOSE!! I hate you Andrew Dabb), Sam and Dean's different reactions to the prison food, them pacing their much too large for solitary cells, Sam working out a couple of times, and... that's it. Also who the FUCK decided Dean would have a razor in solitary that man would NOT have a razor jfc. A good chunk of the shots are wide shots of the cells, too, so the scenes don't even get across a sense of claustrophobia. The only thing they communicate is boredom. Probably because Singer himself was bored because he's a boring director who makes the most boring directorial choices 9 times out of 10.

I know what they were trying to do, though. They were going for that scene in that one Law and Order SVU episode where Elliot Stabler voluntarily gets locked in solitary for 3 days and starts to lose his mind from 2009.

youtube

I want y'all to pay attention to the choices made in both the SPN and SVU scenes. The solitary scenes in SPN are brightly lit with warm colors, they have a lot of wide shots, they have a guard talk when he delivers their meals, and the music wouldn't be out of place in an action movie. Hell, these whole scenes wouldn't feel out of place in an action movie.

Meanwhile, the SVU scene is dark and lit with green (green lighting isn't something that tends to occur naturally IRL, so a lot of the time green lighting in film is used to denote that something is wrong), the cell is A LOT smaller and more accurate to solitary cells in real life, the overwhelming majority of shots are TIGHT on Elliot's face to communicate the claustrophobia he's feeling, the shots that show all of the cell are shot through a grate to show how caged he feels, and the music is dissonant and off-putting with hallucination murmurs (I've had a couple of episodes of psychosis before, and SVU fucking NAILED what minor auditory hallucinations sound like). The SVU scene is shot like a horror movie.

I'd also like to look at the acting choices (or lack thereof. J2 stans, if this section bothers you, log off and go hug your pet or smth idk). imo Jared makes better choices than Jensen in the solitary scenes. Sam at least looks stressed and on edge. While Dean just... I'm sorry, but the man is blue steel-ing all over the place and it just makes him look bored and mildly annoyed 😭 Meanwhile, Chris Meloni goes from mildly bored when he first gets locked in, to actively stressed, to completely terrified by the end of the scene. This is not me saying that Chris Meloni is a better actor even though he is fuck you fight me. I don't know how many choices came down to the actors and how many came down to the directors. For all I know, Jared and Jensen would have also made similar choices to Meloni if they'd had a director who wasn't scared of doing anything interesting and could be bothered to collaborate with his actors like directors are supposed to do.

What I am saying (or trying to, at least) is that, in-universe, 6 weeks of solitary likely was worse than Hell for Sam and Dean. Like, at least Dean had some semblance of sensory input and got to interact with other people while he was being carved up. The problem is late stage SPN is incredibly lazy and can't be bothered to communicate that to its audience by showing us. Dabb and Singer just expected us to hear "you're going to lose your minds" before the solitary scenes, then hear "this was worse than Hell" after the solitary scenes, and expected us to just nod along and smile, no thoughts, head empty. Unfortunately for them, we're not stupid and SPN is a TV show, so if you don't show the audience, what you tell them is going to ring incredibly hollow. And that's exactly what happened for the overwhelming majority of fans.

TLDR: solitary confinement is torture, late stage SPN is bad at its job of showing and not telling, and we should abolish the American penal system in its entirety.

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mrsfrankadler · 1 year ago

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Who’s at the door?

ransom x reader [?] and jake jensen x reader

A/N: this is a little teaser for a series i MAY or MAY NOT start writing. let me know if you like it. also this was written on my phone so it could be bad 💔

Warnings: none i guess? it's only the first chapter people it's an intro, maybe Jake being sickeningly adorable 🤷🏾‍♀️

Summary: there’s a handsome stranger at the door.. are we even expecting anyone?

⋆

"Okay, so, were both just sitting on his couch and he's giving me this look right,"

"Uh-huh."

"You know, real 'fuck me eyes', right."

"Yeahh.." Jake continues listening, attentively.

"And then, when he opens his mouth to speak, i expect him to come out wit some killer line that would totally make me swoon," You continued, using your hands to paint the picture of just how high your hopes were.

"Mhm."

"And then he just comes out with, 'uhh, so are you gonna suck my dick, orr?'"

Your hands flatly drop to your sides and Jake almost jumps in shock, the utter disgust prominent on his face.

"HUH?"

"Yeah."

"WHAT?"

"YES!"

"I mean, Jay, who even says that." You sigh, giving a disappointed look. "Just so inappropriate." You added, kind of enjoying his dramatic reaction.

He just puts his head in his hands, trying to process why anyone would ever treat a woman — especially not an angel like you — like that. He just can't even comprehend it. He knows that if you ever let him get that close with you, he couldn't even dream of treating you like that.

First of all, he would start out focusing on you, not himself. Softly kissing you all over face and telling you how beautiful and precious you are to him before making his way down to your-

Ring-ring.

You abruptly rose out of your seat with a deer-in-headlights expression on your face. Jake just looked at you confused and suspicious. Who was that?

"Who's that?" He stood up with you, just watching as you practically sprinted upstairs. "Don't worry about it, JJ." He blushed at the nickname, "Just tell him to wait and I'll be right down!" You called down the stairs.

Jake didn't like this. 'Don't worry about it.' What's that supposed to mean? 'Don't worry about it.'

Fuck that, he thought, making his way to the door and peeking through the peephole. On the other side of the door, he saw a tall, seemingly quite built man sporting a brown cable knit sweater.

He looks like an asshole, Jake thought to himself.

Before Jake had the chance to walk away and start worrying about what you and this man were about to run off and do together, the man noticed there was someone on the other side of the door.

"Y/N? Y/N is that you? Come on baby, just let me in." He started knocking again. Jake shuddered at the pet name before opening the door. "It's cold out here-,"

"Oh." The man commented, bluntly looking Jake up and down before pushing past him and taking a seat at the table.

"Oh." Jake imitated, walking over to the kitchen where he had chosen to sit.

There was an awkward silence as the two men subtly sized eachother up.

"Uh, I'm Jake," he started awkwardly out his hand for him to shake before awkwardly shoving it back into his pocket when the guy just glared at it.

"Ransom."

"Oh, cool, nice to meet you." Jake was trying to be polite.

"Yeah." Ransom scoffed. He wasn't making it easy.

The awkward silence returned, while Jake started trying to think of ways to break the ice. However, his mind became occupied by other things. Like where was Ransom taking you at 5:30 in the evening? Why did you seem so nervous when he knocked on the door? Why did you tell him not to worry? Should he be worried? And why'd he call you baby?

You finally pulled him out of his stressful thoughts by announcing that you were ready to go and making your way down the stairs looking possibly the most beautiful he had ever seen you.

"Whaddaya think?" You did a little twirl as the two men in front of you stared in awe. You wore a maroon satin dress that stopped just below your knees, paired with some peep toe kitten heels that had a silver buckle.

Jake just stared at you star-struck as you slowly made your way to the table. "You look beautiful, sugar." Ransom piped up and Jake wanted to throw up in his mouth. Another pet name? "Thank you, Ransom." you cupped his face gently before turning to Jake who was sporting a rather defeated expression.

"Jayy..." You started, softly, "I'm sorry I forgot to mention that I was going out tonight, it was really short notice.. even I forgot!" You explained, earning an offended scoff from Ransom. "I'll be back before you know it, and i'll tell you every detail." You winked at him before turning back to leave with Ransom. Jake just slouched deeper into his seat at the table.

Does he really wanna know every detail?

⋆

YALL TELL ME WHAT YOU THINKKK!!!! part 2 is in my drafts babies 💋

#chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x you #jake jensen #jake jensen x reader #jake jensen x you #knives out #ransom drysdale #chris evans smut #ransom drysdale x reader #x reader #ransom drydale x you #ransom drysdale smut #jake jensen smut #x reader series #poc!reader #woc!reader #black!reader

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lol-jackles · 8 months ago

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It was listed on multiple sites during the release of S3 of The Boys, that Jensen took home $800,000 for the entire show. Since most tend to believe those sites more than tumblr gossip bloggers, I'm guessing that is why people are doubting you. The other interesting fact is when you state that Jared made $300K for Walker? Aside from your cute little blog, no one in the actual industry is reporting that. It may be true, but I doubt you have any real knowledge, as Jared doesn't call you personally to review his contracts. Then again, maybe he does.

Where are these "multiple sites" you speak of? Why is it every time Anons claim there are many sources saying this and saying that about Jensen, they never pony up the sources? I've been asking for sources from y'all for years! And if their source comes from a single website called celebrity networth, it's useless because they use "proprietary algorithm" for estimating networth and salaries and have exactly zero accountability for providing accurate numbers and often inflate the numbers as click baits. Actors have debunked the site's inflated claims on their own accounts.

"The other interesting fact is when you state that Jared made $300K for Walker?"

Did you ever wonder why the Successions actors were able to negotiate pay raise from under $100,000 per episode to $300,000 per episode by the 3rd season even though the show was only getting about 550K people watching its Sunday nights episode?

"It may be true, but I doubt you have any real knowledge,"

Just read my posts in the "salary" tag going back to 2017. Boy did I piss people off! Until the 2023 SAG-AFTRA strike happened when actors showed off their pitiful residuals and revealed their low streaming salary and reiterate that actors with regular job on broadcast network shows still get high salaries under the old systems. All this confirmed what I've been saying on my cute little blog for 6 years leading up 2023. You, little Anon, is just the upteenth pre-2023 Anons in my Askbox frothing in the mouth that I ruined their fantasies that their favorite actors were not being paid the worth they think they should be paid.

How this industry conduct business hasn't changed for the past 25 years when I was in the thick of it (What I did in Hollywood and why I left ) It's actually gotten worse for actors except for those in broadcast network shows. Until 2024, then those same actors had to agree to pay cap or pay cuts during the contraction era.

"Jared doesn't call you personally to review his contracts. Then again, maybe he does."

He doesn't. I just know how business affairs departments works and what actors' quotes are when they are of the same tier as Jared and Jensen. It's why we had a good laugh over the 2018 quote ban.

One of the reasons why I started my cute little Tumblr blog in 2016 was because my twitter account got deactivated in 2015 (X). for talking too much about BTS stuff. Clearly I didn't learn my lesson about not tagging shit and got my account deactivate again in 2021 (X). A few readers think I'm Kamran Pasha, who wrote for a few CW shows and also seen his twitter get deactivated for dishing too much BTS stuff.

Nobody cares about Tumblr because it can't be monetized and it doesn't have real influence (which is why Misha Collins let his tumblr blog rot), therefore blogs rarely get deactivated. It's why I'm here.

#salary

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hologramcowboy · 5 months ago

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I just read an ask when certain anti daneel blog replied and claimed that Jensen abused daneel, I'm sorry but this is super hypocritical comming from anti daneel blog , like theses blogs spend years taking about awful D is, how they cant tolerates her voice, her face and her attitude, and they only knew her on surface level , now imagine being in Jensen's shoes, he knew for how long 15 years? The person that has to deal with Daneel 24/7 is no one but Jensen! and pls dont tell me he brought it up on himself we dont shame woman who stay in abusive relationship and we should do the same for men, do ppl expect him to be happy and relaxed the whole time ? never be angry or mad, he is a human and not a sheep that smile and do whatever she want him to , oh poor daneel he wasn't nice when he walked away from her to sign fans autographs, will guess what he doesn't have to be when she is a literal bitch , you can see that 2 minutes later in the same video she was shoving him forward, she is disrespectful , always made fun of him , rarely if ever had anything nice to say about him but I guess Jensen always need to treat her like the queen she think herself is, put in your mind that she was bitch since day one while Jensen used to be way nicer several years ago , yeah there was no chemistry btw them but he always speak highly of her and was way more tolerant towards her , he only recently started to be passive agressive when he talks about her so if he fed up with her and strarted to grow spine and put her in her place then good for him , but I doubt this is the case and I still think she is in full control of everything otherwise we wouldn't get the abomination that called TW , he sacrified his relationship with jared and lost half of the fandom to give his useless talentless wife a job and as one of the anon mentioned she is the one that send him back to work when he wanted to have vocation, I just think what happened here is that Jensen is older now and less tolerant of BS , he doesn't have job to run away from her and he is stuck in miserable marriage to take care of his little children that he never ask for ( another thing he didnt want and agreed to do just to make her happy) so if I was him I'd be angry too.

This is an older ask, I decided to reply to it because something’s been on my mind lately. The dangers of one sided views.

Let’s get one thing clear, both Jensen and Danneel show disdain and contempt for each other. Both have displayed less than ideal partner behaviour. Not sure what this anon was reading at the time but my guess is they saw one of my posts in which I mentioned Jensen was not behaving like a stand up husband.

There’s this narrative going around that vilifies Danneel without giving Jensen responsibility. That basically makes Jensen into a baby easily controlled by the evil, manipulative, witch Danneel.

I’m not saying Danneel can’t be manipulative, I’ve always called her out when she has been. I’m saying there’s an entire dedicated side of fandom that basically views Jensen as an abused baby who is no longer in control of his life. I’ll admit that, in the beginning, I too fell for these narratives but, over time, observing Jensen’s choices, it became clear where his values lie. He’s not the ideal husband, he’s career centered, he never takes responsibility for anything, everything is on Elta. Those are not the signs of an abused man but rather a man that has created a life of convenience and for whom family life comes second. I’m really tired of receiving anon messages about Jensen being abused.

Is Elta demeaning, devaluing and all of that? Yes, undeniably.

Is Jensen powerless? In no way, shape or form!!

If he is in a marriage with Danneel is because he chooses to be as long as it is convenient to his lifestyle. He lets her get away with certain behaviours as long as it serves him.

Jensen is a highly privileged man who holds all the cards when it comes to his career and personal life. Let’s please stop pretending he is a helpless baby run by Danneel the witch. Again, I know she’s manipulative but, at the end of the day, everything she is allowed is thanks to Jensen. The very reason she even has children is thanks to Jensen, her recent roles and titles - thanks to Jensen, recent press - thanks to Jensen, getting away with being condescending and devaluing on stage - thanks to Jensen. It’s a choice, at the end of the day.

While I have zero doubt he is unhappy due to the choices he’s made so far, I no longer blame Danneel for his misery because he holds the power to change his path entirely. Many actors in toxic relationships have divorced and still enjoy a career so if Jensen is holding back from divorcing it’s due to choosing to stay in a relationship where both partners feed off each other’s unhealthy dynamics.

It takes two people to form a dynamic. Let’s give responsibility where it is due, because being responsible for one’s own boundaries, wellbeing, life path is where freedom and healing begin. Being responsible is being empowered as opposed to power-less. Shitty person as she may be, Danneel is fully supported in her shenanigans by Jensen, he approves of her everything so let’s stop pretending like she’s some supernatural evil thing that moves in the dark and start acknowledging just how much Jensen enables her and, while we are at it, start acknowledging he’s no angel either. I dislike Danneel but I also feel sorry for her, for her marriage situation but, I guess, at the end of the day, you sow what you reap and they both chose fame and money over deeper values.

This is my view, purely, take what resonates and leave the rest.

#anti jenneel #Jensen critical

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themoodyestj · 1 month ago

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same anon back here from the last post, so I didn’t know most of that about Danneel I guess I was talking from Jensen’s point of view mostly. He’s a bit more private in ways where like for example Jared’s very open about how he proposed to his wife and the honeymoon and all that and then when jensen’s asked he’s like ‘I’d like to keep that between me and her’ and it’s very ‘private but not a secret’.

I mean, some parents with any form of social media presence do post their children (and I’m talking like… my dad for example who’s had Facebook for 10 years. Just people who have it at all, not celebrities. (I know that’s not the literal meaning of the word, just what I mean)) and so, gen and jared will post lots of photos of them in bed/ kids sleeping so we kind of see a lot of behind the scenes/candid photos but the ackles photos almost always have them posing + i haven’t seen photos of Danneel and Jensen in bed or anything (not that there isn’t but the fact that i’ve looked and hardly found any shows that it isn’t a regular thing).

Anyway, all of this to say, I don’t mind how anyone thinks about anyone, everyone in the world is entitled to their own opinion of course and is always valid and there’s always someone out there that has the same ideas however I don’t like when people say it on the internet because like this is his life, and while he’s not the most secretive man in the world it’s because he likes his fans and finds a lot of positive energy from posting, which I can only imagine helps him like his job better. + it’s part of the job. Not the posting his kids, but posting in general, so it’s bound to have a few kid pics.

This is a long ramble, but mostly because i’ve seen a hundred of these pages for anti Danneel and it’s never because of anything serious. Of course if we have proof she is using Jensen/her kids for any of that than that would be serious and I would understand the hate but because I haven’t seen other reasons such as her not supporting important causes or using her money for bad (which she actually hasn’t talked about Gaza but then again neither Jared nor Jensen talked about and they don’t boycott, so really, we can’t talk about character there.)

I guess coming here (on an anti page) isn’t the best place to say all this, became my message is to just, maybe not say things that we wouldn’t want her kids to see/hear but maybe someone else can see this message and think the same way I do. I mean, I think strongly the same way about RPF. I used to write for it before I got super uncomfortable with the thought, these are human beings and this isn’t ’real person fiction’ it is ‘real people’. What you’re writing is fictional but this person isn’t. They have kids that will eventually use their internet and those kids have friends that will see these things. Y’all I’m not gonna change the world with this anon message trust me I know but it feels good to say anyway LMAO

(Unlike ships and stuff for characters where the actors had made jokes and bought fa art and manips (or literal wincest haha) for each other so they thinks that’s fine and fun. I don’t think they’d read it but hey definitely don’t care either.)

okay this was never supposed to get this long. I also wanted to address some of the reblog/comments so that’s why. But. Yep. Hope this was still super super respectful because imagine me saying all this then being rude to you💀

OMG, if you were rude to me, it would be tragic. Have you read my blog? Someone being polite is actually a rarity, and rudeness almost always ends up in me exposing the anon or ridiculing them, so wise choice. Also, everything EVERYONE writes, including you, my dear, is speculation. It's a take on things we see. Unless it's Destiel, then it's fiction. All I do is write in my (I need to keep saying this for some reason) very small blog my own perspective on things, which I don't assume (because I'm not a delulu) that is right. It's an opinion. My opinion is fact. It is a fact that I feel a certain way about things. It is my right to share it. Those who don't like it can kindly switch to other blogs. You know, this is the thing that annoys me about delulus, but at the same time is so telling about them. If someone wrote on a blog about some crazy conspiracy theory that vaccines are going to make us grow an extra pair of legs, I'd simply overlook it. I wouldn't waste my time with someone's blog trying to disprove something that I consider to be a lie. I wouldn't even confront the blogger, I would simply assume they are troubled. The fact that my inbox fills at such a rapid rate tells me that delulus feel that there may be truth to what I and my other mutuals write. We frazzle their delusion. We threaten their sense of stability, because I have no doubt that most of these people actually live to worship a Hollywood couple. Either way, I have my opinions, and as long as I don't harass anyone, I'm entitled to them. It may be a pill hard to swallow for some, but such is life.

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lightofraye · 7 months ago

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I decided to torture myself.

I don't know why.

Her voice is just awful. Dear Danneel, please get vocal lessons. Bring it down an octave or something because fucking yikes.

A follower sent me this and asked if I had seen it. I had not. It was, after all, a fan compilation of various interviews of Danneel, videos, whatever. And...

How the hell do people stan her?

She's vapid, uneducated. Ugh.

Anyway... points of interest.

Throughout the whole video: WHO CARES ABOUT THE DAMNED HAIR TWIRLING?!

0:54: During a photo shoot I guess at a premier. ZERO chemistry between Danneel and Jensen. Jensen is smiling politely and wanting to get away as fast as possible.

1:00: Yes Danneel. We can see that it's a hallway. GOD. How insipid. Even Jensen was like "OMG, what?"

1:54: Uh. Danneel, honey, why would anyone else play Dean Winchester besides Jensen Ackles? He did not like that one bit.

4:14: Uh huh. If Jensen had witnessed some of it, why was nothing done then? I'm super-dubious about this claim. I really am. And how could he have witnessed it when he was likely filming Supernatural during that? Hmm.

5:55: Yeahhh.... had the family, but the steady career? Hahaha. Nope.

6:35: Danneel, honey, neither do you. If you expect me to believe you do any of the cleaning, I'm gonna call you a liar. You do nothing. Also, Jensen looked annoyed at the idea of so many bathrooms.

6:43: You are also not nice. I came across some old rumors about you, honey. You were awful, vicious, and the reason you got fired from One Tree Hill was because of your *whispers* drug habits.

6:55: WHAT IS SHE WEARING?!

7:35: The ever-changing face, proving that she lies about her plastic surgery. (Supposedly she claims she doesn't that many and I died laughing.) Also: "beautiful men with big egos"--bullshit, honey. You're the one who has the massive ego with zero to back it up. Plus she sounds as insincere as fuck.

8:22: "It's good. I love him. He's great." Insincere.

8:33: I'm cringing on Jensen's behalf. "Where the magic happens". And bypassed Jensen's wishes and insisted it not be cut--and guess what? It wasn't cut. As if they've shared a bed in years.

8:44: Ohhhh my gods. The brewery interview. Pay attention to Jensen's face as the interviewer talks about working together, living together--Jensen's done. And actually says "yes" to being tired of being with her. Danneel looked pissed. Ah honey...

11:43: Uh huh. The ring, huh? Gold digger.

12:04: The so-called flight anxiety. Whatever, Danneel. If you're able to fly without supposed help or therapy...? (No, getting drunk is not legitimate help.) You fly a lot, more than most "average" people. You take your kids. You go to conventions. You supposedly saw your husband a lot when he was filming Supernatural. You flew for your tidbits of roles. Then you're fine.

14:34: "Jensen's first time being in here." For the kitchen? Oh please! As if he never went in for a snack, beer, or anything. SHUT UP, DANNEEL.

14:38: "Nothing can happen to me, not for me, but for my kids." Excuse me, I need to shake some sense into her. Babe, honey, you do jackshit for your kids. They'll be fine.

Also that's not how panic attacks work. You literally aren't able to talk yourself out of it. Please stop.

15:36: "We're having another baby." That look your husband gave you? A deserved death glare because you knew he wouldn't like it. Stop emotionally torturing him, god!

16:41: I love that Jensen called her out on her lie about her name. I don't think she liked that either.

17:24: Ah. The insult about him smelling bad. God, can't she ever say anything nice about him? See the way he took a deep breath, braced himself? That's not a normal reaction to a "joke".

17:43: How can he not know women put perfume on their wrists and elsewhere? Translation: he never sees Danneel do it. Because they don't share a bedroom after all.

18:11: HOW CAN HE NOT KNOW THAT CHAIR MOVES?! Did the man not live there at all?!

19:34: Oh god. The doll. Honestly, Jensen should dump it. Stop torturing him with it! It's not funny!

19:53: Couldn't let him have the closet joy, huh? Bitch.

20:18: No. You're not nice. Nope. Not at all.

God. My eardrums. I'm crying now.

Danneel, babe, vocal coach. Please!

youtube

#anti danneel #anti elta #jensen concern #jensen supportive #my poor eardrums #vocal coach NOW #Youtube

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pickledpascal · 10 days ago

Text

Hold Me Like Water

Chapter Fourteen: It Ain't The Empty Home

Warnings: fluff ! more jealous hugh, jensen ackles mention sorry guys

Word Count: 2.6k

Hold Me Like Water Masterlist

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

October 2024,

Deadpool and Wolverine crossed one billion dollars at the box office months ago. However, because of that milestone, Marvel set up a special screening with a proper Q&A after the film played. It gave them an excuse to properly celebrate it too.

Since the film came out, people have been rewatching the other X-Men films and realizing Sedna was a wonderful character in the few films she's been in. There was a lot of renewed love for her which made Maya’s heart warm. The character has been close to her heart for years and was glad people had been seeing how lovely she truly was.

The Q&A was originally just going to be Ryan, Hugh, and Shawn but he wanted Maya up there with them too. He thought she deserved it. So did the other two. The cheers they heard on opening night for her character cemented having her back as a good decision.

Maya clutched onto her microphone, pursing her lips. As many times as she had done something like this, those nerves never quite left. Interviews were always nerve-wracking before she got out there. It was the wait that made her stomach flutter. Unlike Hugh, she didn’t have much experience being in front of an audience that wasn’t a director and the crew.

Hugh rubbed the small of her back, offering her a light smile. “Still nervous about these things?” He teased playfully.

“Guess I can’t help it.” Maya chuckled. She calmed slightly since he was near. His presence was enough to ease her racing heart. “But I’m glad you’re here.”

“Well, the film is called Deadpool and Wolverine.” Hugh said cheekily, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek.

An exaggerated gag could be heard behind them. “God, you two are so much worse now that you’re dating,” Ryan put a hand over his mouth. “And I thought it was bad when you were just friends.”

“You met Blake, your wife who you praise whenever given the chance, on the set of the movie you’re very adamant about hating.” Maya pointed out, narrowing her eyes. “Green Lantern was obviously good for something.”

“Hey, that’s—” For the first time possibly ever, Ryan was speechless.

Shawn patted Maya’s shoulder, laughing softly. “I’ve been trying to get him to shut up all day and you did it so easily. I need to keep you around.”

“She learned it from me.” Sakari chimed in with a self-satisfied smile on her lips.

Sakari was there to talk about the hair and makeup she did for the film. Though, she could chime in on a few character choices since she read lines with Maya a lot.

Their names started to get called so they each stepped onto the stage and waved at the audience as they found their seats. Maya was seated between Hugh and Ryan. Hugh sat the closest to the moderator, Becca. She introduced herself before she went onstage.

“So, just to recap,” Becca began with a smile. “Hugh Jackman plays Wolverine, Maya Imik plays Sedna, writer Ryan Reynolds plays Deadpool, Sakari Imik who was part of the makeup and hair department, and writer-director Shawn Levy.” The audience clapped enthusiastically. “I’m going to ask a few questions first and then, y’know, I’m gonna turn it over to you guys.” She motioned to the crowd.

A few girls in the front row waved at Maya. She noticed and gave them a wave back. They nearly immediately whispered amongst themselves, flushed and giggling.

Hugh leaned over and nudged Maya. “Can't believe they reacted to you the way they usually react to me.” He winked.

It was no secret that Maya had a more female-leaning fan base. Or just queer-leaning, generally. She was a trans woman. She was bound to have plenty of queer fans. Lesbians especially loved her. A strong, tall, capable woman on their screen? Sign them up!

“I'm gonna start with some production related questions first, if that's alright.” Becca said into her microphone as she flipped through some of her cards.

“Completely fine with me.” Shawn said with a smile. He had an idea that most questions from the audience would be for the cast which he didn't mind.

Becca looked up at Sakari, “So, Sakari, from a cosmetic point of view, what changed for Sedna from Days of Future Past and this film?”

Sakari was visibly surprised the first question was aimed at her but she had been waiting to rant about this for a while so she didn’t let the moment go to waste. “Well, for Days of Future past, originally, Maya was going to have whatever makeup artist onset but they made her yellow and covered her tattoos when they weren’t supposed to. Horribly, I may add. I quickly fixed that. Thankfully, we didn’t have to go through that with this film. I also added some grey streaks in Sedna’s hair since she’s supposed to be a bit older and I’m sure it wasn’t a walk in the park trying to survive the Void. She had to have been stressed.”

Maya nodded along to her sister’s answer, humming softly to herself. That’s how she justified it to her and Shawn too but Maya also knew Sakari thought it would add a bit of something to her physique that was missing. And she was right.

“For Maya, why did you choose to come back?” Becca asked, eyebrows furrowed as she looked at her.

“Because the two guys sitting next to me,” Maya chuckled, the noise was nervous. “But, genuinely, I didn’t have to put much thought into it. Ryan had a script ready for me already and I had been waiting to be able to work with Hugh again. I couldn’t say no.”

Ryan lifted his microphone to his lips. “Maya was actually the first person I asked about for the cameos. I knew I wanted her first and foremost.”

“Yeah, I mean, she is the crux of Wolverine’s trauma. Part of it. And having her on set was just a dream.” Shawn added cheerfully before looking into the audience. “If any of you ever become directors or work in the industry, hire Maya! She’s a bit like Hugh. So kind, always early, and barely needs any direction.”

After a couple more questions for each of them, the floor was open for the audience to ask their own questions. Some of them were for Shawn and Ryan in terms of plot and how it worked into the timeline of some of the other films. They answered those to the best of their ability. Maya got a few of the usual questions on being a trans woman in the industry which she appreciated but she’s gotten those questions for years and it felt tired now that she was a seasoned veteran.

One of the young women from earlier in the front row stood to ask a question. “First of all, I just wanted to say I love all of you,” They all nodded at her. “Especially Maya,” The actress smiled gratefully. “So, obviously my question is for you.” The girl let out a small, nervous laugh. “Over ten years in the industry and you’ve never dated anyone publicly, why now?”

Maya pursed her lips. She expected questions about her and Hugh. And she expected them to be overly personal. Yet it was still surprising to hear someone actually ask it.

“Well, uh,” She stammered for a moment before she got her bearings. “I haven’t really dated anyone. I’m one of those queers who has to be friends with someone for a while before I really even consider them being attractive. That’s not to say I don’t find people attractive but it’s more of an aesthetic way rather than sexual.” She hadn’t admitted this out loud to the public ever. “I’m not made for casual. Which is what a lot of my peers want.”

“But not Hugh?” The girl pressed.

Sakari narrowed her eyes at the girl, wishing her head would explode in the moment. Maya was inclined to agree but she’d never say that out loud.

Maya was about to say something but Hugh interrupted. “I’m an older man. While some men my age do want casual, not many do. And I am one of those people. If I’m going to start another relationship this late in my life, it’s because I want to spend the rest of it with that person.” He shrugged bashfully, “And, well, when I love someone, I do it with my whole being.”

The girl relented and sat back down. She was likely fishing for some sort of gossip but there was none to be found. Maya and Hugh were friends for ten years, he got divorced, and they began to date almost a year out. That was it. Maya didn’t have a horrible relationship with Deborra and she and Hugh didn’t have an affair. It seemed hard for some to comprehend.

After the panel was done, Ryan took them all to a rooftop bar. It was getting a bit colder outside in New York but Maya didn’t mind the light chill.

They drank and shared some stories from different sets they were on. But then, as a buzz started to settle, the conversation steered towards more uncharted territory.

“So, Maya…” Ryan smirked, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as he slid close to her side. “What actor are you desperate to work with? Crush or otherwise?” He shrugged innocently.

Hugh narrowed his eyes at Ryan’s closeness, gripping his martini glass tighter. He made no move to get him off her, though. He was quite interested in the answer too. Maya usually didn’t talk about actors she wanted to work with or found attractive. Directors? Always. After she watched Knives Out, Rian Johnson was the only thing she talked about.

Maya chuckled softly, wrapping an arm around Ryan’s waist when she felt him lean into her for warmth. “I mean, I already worked with my girl here.” She nudged his hip with hers playfully. Hugh’s eye twitched. “But I guess I’d have to say Jensen Ackles.”

“The guy from Supernatural?” Shawn blinked, confused. “Is it the guy with the short hair or the long hair?”

“Oh, c’mon, Levy! It’s Dean! The guy with the short hair. He’s also the shorter brother.” Ryan explained as he waved his drink around. The liquid inside sloshed around and nearly escaped the glass. He turned to Maya again. “What do you like about him?”

She pursed her lips and hummed in thought. She was the most sober one so she could actually think about what she wanted to say. “I think he’s a great actor for a TV show meant for teens. He outperformed everyone on that show and it’s not even close. And he had to do that for fifteen years. Consecutively. I can’t imagine that.”

Hugh’s demeanor softened as he listened to Maya’s reasoning. He couldn’t argue with that. He hadn’t seen the show but, hearing her talk about it, it had to be true. While Hugh had played Wolverine for over twenty years, it wasn’t like he was in a film every year. Jensen had to love his job if he kept playing the same character like that.

As the night dragged on, Hugh, Maya, and Sakari went back to his penthouse. Maya had to practically carry Sakari up to one of the guest bedrooms. She immediately passed out upon hitting the bed. Maya chuckled as she lifted the covers over her.

Maya returned to Hugh’s room and spotted him already in his pajamas, a t-shirt and his boxer briefs. “C’mere, love,” He opened his arms for her.

“I don’t even have my shoes off yet.” She argued softly. She was still bundled up in a trenchcoat and had her boots on.

“Don’t care, c’mere.” He urged.

And Maya couldn’t deny him anything. She sighed as she got in bed next to Hugh, pulling him close. She laid on top of the covers. “Better, sweetheart?”

“Much.” He hummed as he nuzzled into her neck. She was nice and warm. He mumbled something against her coat but she couldn’t quite hear it.

Maya cupped his cheek and moved his face away from her for a moment. “Repeat that for me, baby?”

“Love when you say that,” Hugh smiled lazily. He loved the other names she called him but there was something especially intimate about ‘baby.’ “I said you should move in with me.”

Maya felt her heart flutter. “Hugh, you’re drunk—”

“No, no, no, I’m not.” He frowned, leaning closer to press his nose against her cheek. “Well, maybe just a little buzzed. But in your words, I’m not made for casual. Wanna be able to see you as much as possible when we’re not working. Don’t ever want to say goodbye to you at the end of a night.”

His heart ached every time he watched her leave or when he had to leave her. He wanted nights spent together and waking up each morning in her arms and attempting to make her breakfast while he let her sleep and washing her hair while she took a bath. He wanted to share his whole life with her, to offer it as a sacrifice.

Maya breathed deeply, leaning into Hugh’s nuzzling. She cradled the back of his head as he pressed kisses along the lines on her cheek. “Alright…” She whispered, “I’ll move in with you.”

It wouldn’t take much, half her clothes were already in his dresser. They had their own drawer which he might have gone through a few times to steal a shirt or two. Or three.

Hugh hummed happily, capturing Maya’s lips in a kiss. His thumb swiped against her cheek to feel the softness of her skin.

“We gotta get Sakari a new roommate, though.” Maya whispered, breath hot against his lips.

“Ask Arlo.” Hugh said offhandedly, not really thinking about that at the moment. He was more concerned with the fact that Maya would be moving into his apartment.

He kissed her deeper this time, sliding a hand under her coat. His hand squeezed at her breast. Maya let out a soft noise and leaned into him more. The kiss started off slow and sweet but it morphed into something deep and sloppy. Only when they needed to breathe did they pull away. Even then, a thin string of spit connected their bottom lips. Maya wiped her hand against her mouth.

“Would do more but I think I’m gonna pass out soon too.” Hugh mumbled, holding onto Maya tighter. He slid his hand to a more respectable place.

She chuckled softly and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Don’t worry. I’ll be here.” She toed off her shoes so they fell off the side of the bed.

“You will, won’t you?” He murmured, burying his face in her neck. It was his favorite place to rest. There and her chest because of the extra cushion.

Maya ran a hand through Hugh’s hair, playing with the curls between her fingers as he succumbed to sleep. He looked adorable at that moment. She wanted to save it in her mind. Some of his grey hairs were growing at his temple. She thought they looked charming on him, a subtle reminder of his age that added to his look.

But he’d likely dye them and rid himself of them. He was more than a little self-conscious of his age even if he didn’t voice the concerns much. He had been working on that with his therapist. Of course, Maya wasn’t going to tell him what to do but there seemed to be a lingering shame about it when there was no need for it.

She'd love him if he was thirty-four, fifty-six, or seventy-eight. She didn't care. Hugh was such a wonderful friend and an even better partner. She couldn't imagine a life without him. Surely hers would've gone down a much different path.

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