#I'm just gonna post this because if I don't do it now I never will
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❧ GLUE SONG pt6☙
warning: swearing, cheesy ass kissing scene, kind of implies doing more than kissing, she/her usage for reader.
summary: you hate the whole of your dads hockey team except his and your favourite player Luke Castellan.
evie’s notes: i haven’t written a kiss scene in a while so im sorry if it’s shit and cringey💔
pt5
You could hear your heartbeat in your head, your stomach churned with nerves. Luke Castellan, the boy you've despised since the day you met him because of how arrogant and cocky he is, is now making you feel so weak in the knees. The mere thought of him even laying a finger on you makes your whole world shake. But why?
Because he complimented you once? Or because his cockiness can be quite attractive at times? Maybe because the boy looks like he was hand made sculpted by the Gods. Either way, this feeling towards him was so unfamiliar yet it felt so natural.
You didn't even have time to fully get yourself together before he showed up at your door, the boy lived 20 minutes away yet got there 5 minutes after he texted you. Slowly, you peeked out your window to try and capture a glimpse of him before being face to face with that damn smirk of his that made you either want to punch his face or kiss his lips.
His dark, curly hair clung to his forehead, damp from the rain, spilling over just enough to shield his eyes. He was wearing a pair of baggy sweatpants and of course a compression shirt, it looked like he'd just come from the gym which really didn't help your screaming heart.
You barely gave him time to knock on the door before you threw it open and closed the door behind you, stupidly forgetting that it was currently pouring down. And there it was, that fucking smirk he wore like a crown.
"Hey, princess." Oh gods, was he trying to kill you? His eyes moved slowly over you, lingering on every curve, every line, as if he was studying a masterpiece—finding beauty in both what was perfectly in place and what was deemed imperfect. "The jersey really does look better on you."
You roll your eyes, unable to hide the smile creeping onto your face. "Oh, shut up," you say, crossing your arms, your voice sharp but your gaze betraying you. "You really think I'm going to fall for that?"
Luke grins, taking a slow step forward. "Fall for what? The truth? That jersey's practically made for you." His eyes flicker over you, deliberate and teasing, but there's a warmth in his gaze that he knows you can't ignore.
You scoff, turning away to hide the flush creeping up your neck. "Gods, you're unbearable."
He steps in your path, cornering you just enough to make you feel the tension between you. "Because you secretly love it," he says, voice lowering a touch. "You like it when I push your buttons."
Your eyes snap to his, and you force a scowl. "You have a ridiculous amount of confidence for someone who can't take a hint."
"Yeah?" Luke leans in a little closer, his smirk never faltering. "Funny. You've been giving me plenty of hints, princess. We gonna ignore that tweet you posted?"
You stare at him, lips parted, but you can't keep the smile from tugging at the corners of your mouth. "You're infuriating," you mutter, but it's half-hearted at best.
"And yet, here you are," he says, grinning even wider. "Outside in the rain with me."
You don't know what came over you at that moment because one minute you were shivering from the pouring rain and the next your body was suddenly filled with warmth when you pulled him into a tight embrace, your heart racing in your chest. Luke's eyes widened for a moment surprised by your bold action, but softened quickly into a look of tenderness as your lips met his in a soft, sweet kiss. He wrapped his strong arms around your waist, pulling you against his broad chest, as he returned the kiss with a gentle passion. Your bodies pressed close together, you could feel the warmth of his body against your own, chasing away the cold from the rain that still poured around you. Gods this was so cliche.
"What was that for?" Luke asked, his voice low and warm, a small smirk on his lips.
Your cheeks flushed with heat, and you averted your gaze from his intense stare, suddenly feeling shy and flustered. "I—I don't know," you managed to stammer out, your voice breathless. "It just felt right, in the moment..."
He chuckled softly, Luke's hands still wrapped around your waist, his thumbs rubbing slow, comforting circles against your skin. "Well, I'm not complaining," he said, his smirk widening. You tried to come up with a snarky reply, but your mind was a swirling mess of emotions.
He noticed the flush and teased you even further. "Wow, you're speechless for once, that's new."
You huffed in annoyance, trying to hide your growing embarrassment, but it was hard when he was so close, his eyes fixed on you with that infuriatingly charming smirk. "Can you not be so annoying for once," you muttered, your voice soft.
Luke smirked, moving a strand of your soaking her that was stuck to your face behind your ear making you feel like you were about to collapse. He let out a soft hum and pulled you tighter against his chest. His hands wandered under your shirt, and he began to toy with the bare skin of your hips. "Nah."
Luke didn't want to stop kissing you, not when he finally had the girl he'd been pining for since the day he met her. He dipped his head back down to pull you in for a deeper and longer kiss. His hands moved up your back, slowly lifting the fabric of your jersey as his hands roamed underneath it.
He continued to kiss you, now with even more eagerness than before. One of his hands came up and grabbed ahold of your face, his thumb gently caressing your cheek. He pulled you as close to him as he could, not wanting any space between your bodies.
The couple's moment was interrupted by the sound of the Stoll brothers laughing and cheering. Luke broke the kiss and let out a loud huff, clearly annoyed. "God damn it.." He muttered under his breath, before turning his head to glare at the two younger demigods.
"Finally!" Connor cheered phone in hand whilst Travis whooped behind him shaking his fist in the air.
"Do you mind?" Luke huffed, whilst you stood there embarrassed as hell.
"Nope! Enjoy yourselves love birds!" Travis cooed as Connor turned around and pretended to be making out with someone.
Well, the moment was ruined, but oh gods were the butterflies going absolutely crazy in your stomach when you looked back up at Luke and he was staring at you with such tenderness, his eyes soft but full of longing, as if he could see straight into your soul. The way he looked at you—like you were the only person on earth, the only person that mattered—made your heart skip a beat. His gaze was full of love, and for a moment, it felt like the world had disappeared, leaving only the two of you, wrapped in something unspoken but deeply felt. You let a cheesy grin take over your face "You coming in?"
travisstoll
♬the perfect pair • beabadoobee
Liked by yn.ln and others
travisstoll FINALLY omg took them long enough
connorstoll such a moving moment i cried
travisstoll i could feel their love
thelukecastellan and then you ruined it
travisstoll i think the fact that you replied to this an 2 hours late proves we in fact did not
seaweedbrain EW EW EW
yn.ln you guys are such creeps
travisstoll you just begged me to send this to you in the dms
yn.ln your point?
xo.silena AHHHH YES OMG my babies😭
clarlarue motherfucker stole my wife wtf
c.rodriguez your wife stole my man😔
clarlarue it’s okay because we have each other🥰
thelukecastellan you’re not allowed to be cute under a post of me and my girlfriend being cute
yn.ln girlfriend? hold on when was this discussed
thelukecastellan was you taking off my shirt not implying it?
wisegirl guys can you not discuss this in person you’re literally together right now
thelukecastellan mb
thelukecastellan
♬Glue Song • beabadoobee
Liked by yn.ln and others
thelukecastellan i love my girlfriend😍
c.rodriguez gang you just got together
thelukecastellan and? i love my girlfriend
yn.ln i love you too😽😽 but you’re forgetting my dad follows you
thelukecastellan oh shit
thebestcoachever happy for you both not liking that last picture
thelukecastellan sorry sir😔
seaweedbrain you tell him to keep it in his pants cap🫡
thelukecastellan stfu
wisegirl finally omg going back and forth between messaging you two about each other was exhausting
yn.ln now me and luke can double date with you and percy🥰
wisegirl okay there was no need😔
seaweedbrain why would we double date?
yn.ln sh sh percy it’s okay
thelukecastellan LMFAO
tags:
@s0urw00lf @lucylovesme @blairfox04 @kidkrowk @rafslytherin
#luke castellan#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan fanfic#luke castellan x you#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo#imagine#luke castellan fluff#charlie bushnell x reader#luke castellan enemies to lovers#luke castellan hockey smau#luke castellan smau#pjo smau
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CLONE HIGH CLOTHING SWAP!!(I'm gonna lore drop abt them but more importantly Anna )
Yayy lore time. So Anna is the clone of Anastasia Romanovna but she says she's the clone of Anastasia Romanov. This is because the other Anastasia Romanov is more well known and I like to include historical references in stuff. From what I know her body was never officially found, she was considered a mystery she was important because of that. Many people think she lived and escaped instead of being killed. Some people also pretended to be her or tried to for money from the aunt as is shown in the Disney movie. specifically Anna Anderson I think which is why I nicknamed her Anna. (If anyone needs to correct me on some of this stuff Ik its been a while since I've done research on the topic I've been researching other stuff.)
When Anna was cloned her foster father believed she was that Anastasia, so up until she was like 11 or so she believed she was Anastasia Romanov, she felt important. She watched the movie and loved the idea of being a princess, of being the one everyone was waiting for. Until one day scudworth told her she was wrong and got the names mixed up. So Anna saw Ivan and cried her eyes out. She didn't want to be the clone of some guys wife. She wants to be more important than that and not live in his shadow. She thinks she's important and seeing her dad disappointed about that really hurt her. So she decided that she was going to just cope. She'd forget everything scudworth said and live that lie. And it felt great for her, she brags about it alot. Though she's gone so far into coping she does almost believe it. because of that she's obsessed with popularity and living up to the real Anastasia Romanov. She wants to be famous, she studies hard and everything. She's even a cheerleader. Because of the coping thing it does make her view other people just as extensions of their clone parents. She thinks everyone thinks the way she does cause she's preppy. Also on why she expects people to be extensions of the clone parents is also due to some self loathing because of who she really is. That doesn't make her any less annoying though but I forgive her❤
Orginally Anna and Ivan were a ship because she couldn't fight her genes or whatever that's been erased actually I decided it'd be more interesting of she was a lesbian. ivan and her are still rivals. She doesn't know she's a lesbian yet tho cause comphet she's also Topher stepsister!! Basically they hate hate each other at first for obvious reasons and Topher even blackmails Anna. Then he does reveal who he's a clone of and she full on ignores him and calls him disgusting for like a week. But eventually they talk and they become a little closer? Anna starts understanding people aren't just their clone parents and she still like trying I guess? Topher also learns to not blackmail her so yay They have some solidarity, a little. They still don't like each other but its more in a sibling way.
Okay now Fyodor. Gonna guess no-one(but like one person) knows who Fyodor Basmanov is. I learned about him through some movies, basically Ivan the terrible had this alleged male lover. He was in the Oprichnina, like a secret police Ivan had made, and he rose in ranks fast. He was known as the favorite of the Tsar many people thought they were a thing(probably). There was rumors he'd wear skirts and dance for Ivan and stuff. Whether or not that's true in the Ivan the terrible movies he's in they actually do address it. In the 1940s two part one he sings this song abt killing people in a dress and a mask that is supposed to resemble Anastasia Romanovna in the beginning of the film. Which is actually why I made them do a clothing swap in the post. In the 1991 version he is sooo pretty and I can't understand everything in the film because no subtitles but I was able to get some context to what was happening. The story from what I know goes Fyodors the favorite and he uses that alot over other people, he sits next to the Tsar during meals and stuff, poisons people for him etc, then he tries to trick this other guy to get rid of him with witchcraft but word got back to Ivan and now they think Fyodor committed treason. So hes like no not me!!come on Ivan listen to me I'll tell everyone about us or something like that I don't know I could only understand some and he's dragged away. Real Fyodor apparently did get accused of treason by Ivan and he was ordered to kill his father. Some say then Fyodor was executed others say he was just sent away I don't know what really happened. Shrugs. Anyway
I made a clone of him just because I can ❤yay❤ he's Ivans ex friend they don't hang out anymore because Ivan thinks he's better than him. Fyodors just a chronically online guy that uses discord too much(gamer). He wears skirts too not for Ivan just cause I like gnc characters. Yay❤. Also Ivan and him weren't a thing though Fyodor probably does have a crush on him for a bit, the most Ivan does for him is buy him discord nitro. Which he doesnt do anymore. Fyodor does still sometimes try be friends with the bleacher creatures mainly cause sometimes he feels like he's nothing without Ivan so. Yeah. He's unsuccessful tho he's annoying af. He's cringe. He thinks it's funny tho
Anyway just realized I made three clones of Ivan the terrible lovers and I don't ship any of them with him(Maria's the third ill post about her another day. Her and Anna get together tho) this guy had like eight wives. I should really just clone all of them and make them a polycule(minus Ivan ofc) this is why I shouldn't study historical figures
#clone high#clone high fanart#clone high oc#fanart#oc artwork#Oc#artwork#rendering#anastasia romanov
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whooo I finished ep 4 and 5 of The Heart Killers
I still don't like Kant, I'm warming up to Bison, still obsessed with FadelStyle, and I want Style carnally.
I'm also really interested in how they're using the music and soundtrack to emphasize the emotions of some scenes.
This post is about to be longer than my usual since it's covering two eps but anyway
Spoilers under the cut !
Me when I overanalyze my BL:
First and foremost, that pat down scene in ep 4 where Fadel maintained eye contact with Kant as he searched him... How do u put that there and expect ppl to not imagine things, Jojo..... 😫 Even the goofy music in the background couldn't dissuade me from thinking they should hate fuck ☝️ but anyway
It's very obvious that while Style isn't fully committed and his feelings for Fadel are just starting to bloom, he definitely wants that man. Atp where we are in ep 4 he's obviously lusting after that man (face economy, body tea). I mean he gave him, apparently, the best sex of his life in a grief meeting storage room. He let the man cut his little crop top off. The lust of it all is so real. But I think now, after the chase, after spending more time with him, especially after hearing how Fadel was asking where he was, he's pursuing Fadel with more sincere intentions and I think he truly wants to know Fadel more. And lord have mercy, that scene in the woods.
That scene in the abandoned warehouse in the woods, aside from the iconic "I don't like that I miss you", is when I first noticed the soundtrack specifically highlighting the emotions. Now, I know soundtracks are meant to do that but I think they're doing it in a really fun way IDK They put a lighthearted cute, and low-key hopeful, little tune over a heated make out and handjob. It felt like it reflected their emotions in that moment really well and how the audience is meant to see the scene. It's not just a hot and heavy make out session because yay official, it's an indicator of a turning page, especially for Fadel. It's a signal that he can get butterflies in his stomach too, even with his enormous walls and stoic mask (defense mechanism), and I'm sticking to that interpretation. I love u my emotionally and sexually repressed little hitman.
And then Kant came in and decided NOW is the perfect time to finally tell his friend that oh yeah ur new bf is a hitman. It's not even that part that actually annoyed me, it's the little quip when Style says gunman instead of hitman. Like I'll kill u with a gun Kant. 😭
I fear I may never truly warm up to him, he is so annoying to me. 😔
Okay so ep 5, I kind of warmed up to Bison. He's cute he's fun, he's totally ignoring his instincts about Kant even tho he knows better. He seems less than helpful in most scenarios though, but whatever
There were two scenes that caught my attention and they were obviously meant to:
1) Kant and Bison post coital cuddles
2) Style and Fadel's intimacy towards the end of the ep
I'm mostly talking about the music again and the intentional use (or absence) of it. During the KantBison scene, when Bison is being so gentle with his kisses and telling Kant tender words, the music reaches a subtle crescendo once Bison says he feels like his life is changing since he met Kant and the camera lands right in Kant's distressed face. It was a great way to signal that Kant is gonna face the music very soon. I found that fun and I had to rewind a couple times just to make sure I wasn't making it up in my head. Could just be a transition sound choice, but I'm reading into it.
The KantBison scene felt like a big contrast next to the FadelStyle scene to me. At this point I think they're both feeling more than they're letting on for each other. Fadel and Style's night is, mostly, quiet. There's no backtrack for the most part. Fadel is splayed out in the bed just watching Style take his shirt off, exposing himself more than Fadel, and caging Fadel in by crawling on top of him. Style is on top of him kissing him, doing what he wants to, and Fadel is letting him. Style is telling Fadel that he wants to be trusted, he wants more from Fadel and he's willing to wait for him to be ready. He means it. And I know there's the component of this all starting for some car and Style now being aware of the reality of the situation but I think that's the point. That's the point of doing this specific scene with the absence of a backtrack until Style starts getting actually frisky. When Style is saying all of this and kissing Fadel's scar, we only listen to his words, their breathing, and their kisses. It's bare bones, but that's the point. To bare it all.
Did I read into that too much? Maybe! but idgaaaaffff. I'm eating this shit up and having fun dissecting things that maybe don't need dissecting. :P
I think it's obvious I'm more invested in FadelStyle than KantBison.... zorry! They put me-targeted drugs in FadelStyle. It's not my fault. 🧍
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49 | Type
Series: Unexpected
Paring: (Matt Sturniolo x OFC Brock!) (Chris Sturniolo x OFC Brock!)
Word Count: 1.1k
Warnings: Matt jelly
| MASTERLIST |
Today Dani was having a guest on her channel that wasn't any of the boys. Honestly, Matt didn't like who her guest was because he knew how some of her fans were. They shipped her with almost every dude she talked to and knew.
"Did it have to be him?" Matt watches Dani play on her phone as they hung out in her room.
"Do you prefer your brother? You know, the one that everyone at the moment says we would've been a cute couple?" She looks up from her phone to look at him.
"That's stupid because you told him he missed his chance." Matt rolls onto his back, "So they need to stop staying they want it to happen." He adds then says in a mocking tone while making a face, "They would be such a good match for each other. Why can't she just agree to be his?"
"If they only knew I was yours." Dani leans over smiling before giving him a kiss.
"That's the only damn reason I want people to know." He sits up, "You're mine. Not his or anyone else." Dani giggles as he pulls her closer so he can hold her, "If guys wanted to they could try making a move on you because to them you're single."
"They could try but my answer would always be the same. No." She grabs his face to kiss him, "Now, stop pouting about me filming with Carrington." She moves away from him.
When he arrives they get into her car parked in front of the house, "Hi." Dani starts her car video, "I'm sure y'all know Carrington." She adds, "He's my first guest that's not my roommates or brother." She says as he smiles.
"I'm very honored."
"And this is only happening because Jake and Tara talked us into this. This is our first time hanging out alone." She laughs.
"That's why I'm nervous. It's new and I'm never like this." He laughs now, "But it's exciting."
Dani agrees nodding her head going for her phone but she didn't have it with her, "Oh, I forgot something inside." She motions towards the house.
"It's okay." He lets her know.
"I'll be quick." She opens the car door.
"Again, it's okay." He chuckles as she rushes inside. "Yeah, so we're doing this because our friends wanted us to." He starts to talk to the camera by himself, "We said okay. Okay guys. But today... We're here to gossip. What a great way to get to know each other. From what I see and know Dani seems amazing."
"Was I quick?" Dani rejoins Carrington in the car.
"Yeah, I've just been ranting to the viewers." He lets her know.
"Again, I'm sorry. I don't know how I forgot my phone inside."
"It didn't bug me." He says before changing the topic, "You know people said you have a type? Have you seen that?" He asks her.
"What?" She was confused never seeing such a thing.
"Yeah like..."
"How?" She laughs.
"Because when we had that group get together last week at Jake's. We were chatting in the background of a video Jake posted so people say you have a type." He explains to her then sees one on the guys leaving, "Oh look, a triplet is leaving."
"Matt." She waves at him so he waves back.
"But because we talked people think your type is brunettes with blue eyes." Carrington goes back to what they were talking about, "I feel like that is such a reach." He laughs, "Just because you're close to three others that fit that. What do you think?" He asks her.
"Actually, they aren't wrong for once." She giggles.
"So that's actually your type when it comes to looks? Is it the eyes that do it for you?" He gives her a look and she smiles since that was the main thing.
"Some blue eyes are just so beautiful." She tells him, "You, the triplets, Colby's and Sam's. I have dark blue but light ones..." She smiles more as Carrington looks at her.
"I love yours." He lets her know.
"Really?"
"Yeah, it's a deep blue." He nods his head.
"But yeah, my ex and everyone I've even had a crush on had light blue eyes." She tells him.
"Now people are gonna assume." He gives her a look and she nods her head rolling her eyes a bit.
"You and the other two."
"Just because someone fits that look doesn't automatically mean you like them. You can find them attractive but you aren't attracted to their personality." He goes on to add what he believes in.
"You completely get it. You and the triplets are good looking but I don't automatically have feelings for y'all."
"That would be odd." He laughs, "It's... Can you imagine just having feelings for someone based on how they look?"
"Good looking but is the biggest red flag." She adds.
"Like it's fine to be attracted to someone but you can't just go off of that. Don't do that guys." Carrington looks right into the camera, "Be smart."
"Be attracted to their personality." Dani does the same, "That's way better than looks."
"Looks are a bonus, guys, trust me." Carrington tells the viewers.
"Personality, looks." Dani makes a top three list, "What's third?" She asks him.
"I don't know." He thinks, "I don't know, you gotta be funny as well." He starts to laugh.
After about another like 20 minutes they finish up then he leaves while Dani goes back inside. Matt was still out and about so Dani got to rest by getting some time alone. With it being quiet Dani decided to take a nap because she woke up at 5:30am for some reason.
When Matt gets back home, after buying stuff for around the house and food, he goes to Dani's room to see her sleeping. Not having anything to do and bored out of his mind he slides into her bed next to her.
Immediately, his arms slip around her from behind, slotting himself right up against her back. The gentle press of her spine against his chest makes him smile to himself because he can never get enough of how fucking perfectly she fit there. Leaning forward he press his mouth to the soft skin of her shoulder, peppering a few soft kisses there.
Dani hums keeping her eyes shut, "What?" She quietly mumbles still super tired.
"I wanna nap too." He whispers to her as he nudges his nose against the side of her neck. Dani hums in response moving her hand to rest over the one Matt has pressed against her stomach.
Matt grins against her skin. "Love you." His breath warm against her neck. He made sure not to say I this time because he didn't want to scare her again like last time.
Both of them succumb to the comfort of being with one another, "I love you too." She whispers so quietly Matt almost didn't hear her. He stays silent with a smile across his face as his fingers intertwine with hers before allowing himself to fall asleep as well.
#sam golbach#colby brock#sam and colby#sturniolo triplets#matt sturniolo#chris sturniolo#nick sturniolo#oc#sibilings#matt sturniolo imagine#chris sturniolo imagine#ff#fanifiction#fanfic#sturniolo fanfic#best friends#friends to lovers#chris sturniolo fanfic#matt sturniolo fanfic
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PSA to my fellow artists!!!
With the holidays fast approaching it appears this specific commission scam is making its rounds again.
Below is a conversation I will be posting to help you all know what to look out for:
So this account reached out to me under one of my recent posts. My first safeguard against scams like this (and just so I know the preferences of my ACTUAL clients) is to check the account that is messaging me:
FIRST RED FLAG: No posts. No description. Default background, generic, probably stolen pfp. Robot City (But you all know this by now)
Now, I was like, 99% sure this was a scam right here. (shout out to that one twitter thread I read a few months ago. It helped me clock this account immediately)
But I decided to humor them on the off chance that this person just doesn't understand Tumblr culture. (please, please do not do this. I am petty and insane)
RED FLAG #2: Notice the lack of references: asking me to draw something and then not sending any reference materials (something I explicitly state on my commissions spreadsheet).
This is a topic they will try to avoid (as you will see below), and ultimately what made them realize that I wasn't worth the effort. Always, always, always require references and style guides for any commission you get. Scammers' main goal is to spend as little energy as possible. they will not bother giving these to you.
Now onto Red Flag #3:
Notice how they immediately aim for the most expensive option (which, for my commissions, happens to be fully rendered furry content). This is a red flag because not ONCE did they mention this was going to be anything other than a portrait. This is when I knew 100% it was a scam.
RED FLAG #4: Asking for personal information. I am begging you. I am begging, never EVER, EVER give out your personal information online. ALWAYS use a pseudonym. Change the subject. Do literally anything else. just DON'T. GIVE. THAT. INFORMATION. AWAY.
AND RED FLAG #5: Offering WAY more than I am asking for my services. Remember, kids: if something is too good to be true, it probably is!
it is here that you are going to want to block and report this account. Do Not Be Me. I am begging you. I am doing this for educational purposes. However. I have one more red flag for you guys:
RED FLAG #6: Now, this very generous (/s) person is offering me $300 WHOLE DOLLARS just to draw a furry for them! That's so incredibly thoughtful!
...so why do they not care about the species, color, accessories, pose...ANYTHING about it? (It's because they don't care. They're not gonna pay you the money.)
Look, I can understand how flattering it is to be given full creative freedom on a commission, but you have to understand that this will almost never, EVER, happen to you. I'm sorry. It's the truth.
Anyways. That's all I got for you. Do me a favor, go ahead and block/report @mlaurel any any other cronies they're affiliated with. Also reblog this post if you feel so inclined. Keep your information safe. Get that bank! And Happy (safe) Holidays!
#ignore my typos it was like 3 am ok#scam alert#scammer#artists on tumblr#commissions#furry art#psa#fanart#digital art#traditional art#internet safety
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oh and by the way. virgin anon fucking itself to your posts here again~
its hottest when the victim never enjoys it and protests until the very end. when its the most violating thing it can experience, traumatic, painful, agonizing. the body gets wet and turned on because thats what bodies do eventually, no matter how much the poor thing hates whats happening. no matter how much it wishes it were dead, if that meant not feeling itself thrusted into by this stranger. (or worse, someone it knows well and feels extremely sickened by now that their true intent and personality shines through)
it cannot escape, it has no choice but to take your cock against its will. no choice but to let it happen as the bodys strenght and will to fight is fleeting. no choice, only pain, agony, being used and abused. and no end in sight...
god. i just got done fucking myself but im so turned on by writing this i have to go right back i guess.... <3 im sick. im so sick in the head for finding these things hot.
The fact that you said 'itself' is so cute to me. You must be a true slut to be able to degrade yourself to that level for me and I'm loving it. And I want you to fuck yourself more to my posts and make me feel feral and on top of the world.
And you are not sick for finding these things hot.
Yeah push and struggle to get out of my grip but you can't. My cock is wrapped tightly around your pussy no matter how much you try to hide the fact that you might be turned on in this situation. Bodies never lie, you see.
Well, you might be screaming to leave you alone - then tell me why the fuck is your pussy so wet that my cock can just slide through. Heck I haven't even used any lube to pry your pussy open.
And how can I ever leave you alone when my cock feels so good when it cums inside your pussy? See how it drips out of you - that's what heaven feels like. Don't worry - I'm gonna keep you here and keep pumping my load into you and you will eventually be grateful for it, with a belly to show for it. As I said, bodies never lie.
#cnc k!nk#rough cnc#cnc free use#bd/sm kink#cnc kidnapping#bd/sm daddy#bd/sm community#bd/sm blog#bd/sm breeding#bd/sm dom#xsinnerxasks#r@pe kink#r@pe b@it#r@pe play#r@pe tw#r@pe fantasy#r@p3 m3#r@pe k!nk#r@pe k1nk#r@pe m3#r@pe story#r@pe threats#r@pebait#r@pecock#r@pedoll#r@pesleeve#r@peslut#r@pet0y#r@petoy#rape/noncon
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I think I'm just about done with my impromptu blog clean-up! I'm still sorting some tagging systems out, but I've got the fandom and personal stuff squared away at the very least, which was where I really wanted a little refresh.
For those who are also organizational enthusiasts, these are a few of the tools and methods I used to make it a little easier to sort through over 25,000 posts accumulated over about 8 years. One major caveat is that most of these have to be used on a PC browser.
Tumblr Tools
Your Tumblr Mass Post Editor This is Tumblr's native mass post editor; the link is on the right-hand sidebar on your blog page (right under settings). It's very limited without any extensions, but you can do some batch actions like deleting a ton of posts or changing tags.
Your Tumblr Blog Archive This looks very similar to the post editor, but you can actually narrow down the posts by tag, which is super helpful. You can access this by going to your blog.tumblr.com/archive (e.g. fereldanwench.tumblr.com) but you must have custom themes enabled to view it (you can find that under your blog settings).
Tumblr Secret URLs Okay, they're not that secret, but they aren't readily accessible anywhere either and you have to manually enter them. There's a list here with the most helpful ones.
External Tools
Tumblr Tag List Generator This web tool will let you generate a list of the tags it can find on your blog. It's not 100% accurate--The "tags to exclude" option never seems to work for me, and it does miss stuff--But I love using this to find posts with random tags or tagged with a typo.
Tag Replacer There are a few different tag-replacing tools out there, but I like this one a lot because it'll let you play with different combinations of tags to delete, replace, or amend. For instance, I wanted to separate my community OC tags from just "other's ocs" and organize them by fandom: with this tool, I was able to search for posts that had both "g: cyberpunk 2077" and "other's ocs" and then I could replace those tags with "g: cyberpunk 2077" and "ocs: cyberpunk 2077" without replacing all the posts that also had "other's ocs."
Xkit Rewritten & New Xkit Browser Extensions These are increasingly less reliable without regular updates, and you can't even get New Xkit on some browsers right now because it's been flagged as a security risk (so obviously, use it with caution). Xkit Rewritten has a mass private tool for posts, and New Xkit adds a tag search in the native mass post editor--It's pretty glitchy and limited, but it helps.
And I'm just gonna drop some deets under the cut about my housekeeping because it's interesting to me:
I made this blog in March 2016; it was my 3rd or 4th account remake since first joining Tumblr in 2010.
(Tangent: 2 of my remakes in 2013 and 2015 were actually because I didn't like having as many followers as I had, lmao. This account has well surpassed those numbers, but Tumblr doesn't have as many active users as it used to, so it doesn't feel as daunting.)
I did not record the exact number of posts I had before I started purging, but it was around 25,000.
It's now down to 16,947!
Most of the stuff I deleted were TV and movie gifsets and non-fandom artwork, but I also purged a lot of fandom posts that no longer sparked joy. I did get a little overwhelmed for some months because there were so many posts and I know I probably removed stuff I would have preferred to keep.
Although seeing some stuff brought on Bad Feels, I also got a huge surge of inspiration diving through my archive, which is great, because that's exactly what I want out of my space.
Cyberpunk OCs absolutely dominated my OC tag--I ended with about 2700 posts for other folks' CP77 OCs. Dragon Age was next with about 800 posts.
One thing I would like to be more conscious of is minimizing reblogging art from "curator" blogs and finding more artists who are actively posting on Tumblr to support. I don't mind the curation blogs as long as they're sourcing the artist, but I'd just rather give love to the folks who are actually here.
My quietest year was 2019, likely due to a combination of a lot of people leaving after the great tiddy purge and getting more into Twitch and by extension Twitter.
April 2019 was my quietest month, which had 3 posts!!!! 3 posts!!! I post like 4x that amount in a day, lmao.
The Outer Worlds coming out at the end of 2019 brought me out of my semi-hiatus.
Not sure exactly what was my most active year/month, but I'd guess either 2022 or 2023. I do vaguely remember going from about 8000 posts in the middle of 2021 to feeling like that practically doubled by 2022. Cyberpunk really got me using this space again (to the point of my own mental and emotional detriment in some cases, but I got better, lmao).
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2022 Year in Review
I'm so late, pretend I did this like five weeks ago.
I was tagged by the incomparable @lucerants for a 2022 Year in Review!! Here we go! I'm also gonna talk about 'em all so this is gonna get long!
Top 5 Movies you watched this year:
1 - The Medium (2021)
This is an excellent and disturbing Thai horror film about possession. The last thirty minutes are such pure insanity, all I could do was stare at the screen with my mouth gaping. Highly recommended if you love horror.
2 - Encanto (2022)
What a delightful and beautiful film! I loved the themes of family, being true to yourself, and the importance of acceptance. The music absolutely slaps - if "We Don't Talk About Bruno" didn't get stuck in your head this year, did you really live??
3 - The Fallout (2021)
This was one of the first Jenna Ortega films I saw, and I really enjoyed it. She and Maddie Ziegler had great chemistry and did a really good job of portraying their new-friends-but-also-maybe-more relationship. And it was a truly heartbreaking and very real depiction of what being a teenager in our mass shooting saturated society must feel like.
4 - Spiderman: No Way Home
I'm not really into Marvel, as a rule, but I had to check this movie out since they brought Tobey Maguire back. I was surprised at how emotional I got when story lines from over a decade ago got some closure, especially since that closure came with a lot of empathy for the villains. It was a really fun, meta, fan-servicey movie that made me smile, and even tear up a bit at the end.
5 - Everything, Everywhere, All at Once
Technically I watched this movie at the very beginning of 2023, but I'm going to add it here now because I think it's a movie that truly defined and reflected the feeling of being alive in the early 2020s so well. It was so brilliantly written and shot, just an absolute phantasmagorical roller-coaster of action, comedy, and incredibly heartfelt emotion. I had only heard good things going in, and this film absolutely lived up to my high expectations.
Top 5 TV shows you watched this year
1 - Station Eleven
This show changed me. It's truly one of the most beautiful, well-written, gentle, and human stories I've ever witnessed. It took a setting and premise I thought I was done with forever - post-apocalypse fiction - and made something profoundly impactful. Get the tissues. Prepare to feel everything.
2 - Interview with the Vampire
This was such a delightful adaptation, especially in the ways they changed it. Jacob Anderson as Louis captured the character in a way that brings incredible nuance, even more so in his position as a black gay man in the early 20th century. Sam Reid was an electric and terrifyingly appealing Lestat. And Bailey Bass brought Claudia to life and managed to perfectly portray her various life stages, even as she remains ageless. It's just a really, really good interpretation of a story that I already loved, so it was a joy to watch.
3 - House of the Dragon
I love messy blondes, I love tragic love stories, I love women and their complex and tender and vitriolic relationships. Also dragons. I'm interacting with the fandom via a ten-foot pole, and am very pleased that two of my most treasured mutuals (Luce, Rosy <3) were along for the ride with me for s1.
4 - The Wilds (s2)
I'll never forgive Amazon for giving this show the axe. I'll also never forgive the fandom for reacting to the boys so negatively. S3 would've been incredible. But! I'm glad that we got s2, and got to see more from the Unsinkable Eight. I'm glad we got to meet the boys and learn their stories. I'll always be impressed and grateful for the way this show handled a storyline about sexual assault between young men. And even though there are still so many unanswered questions and we needed an s3, I'm glad that pretty much all of the mysteries introduced in s1 were wrapped up by the end. Better to have loved those castaways and lost them than never loved them at all!
5 - Our Flag Means Death
This show was such a salve - a joyful little pirate sitcom that played on sitcom tropes in a way that made every episode a delight. It was funny, charming, and beautifully shot. I'm so excited for season two!
Top 5 DnD Campaigns you watched this year
The biggest shift in my life this year, especially in terms of media I consume, was my discovery of DnD actual play shows. If I wasn't actively watching a TV show this year, D20 was on in the background. I watched these campaigns multiple times each. I am obsessed.
1 - Critical Role's EXU: Calamity
One of the most heart-wrenching stories I've ever seen, beautifully told and acted by an incredible team of DnD players. The ending is so bittersweet and perfect. I caught the finale live and it wrecked me, I spent the last hour of it weeping. (It was also 1am and the end of a six-hour marathon.) What a masterpiece. The Bronze Ring endures.
2 - Dimension 20: Fantasy High Sophomore Year
This is my favorite campaign by the folks at Dimension 20. The fact that it's live, so delightfully chaotic, and has the lowest production value of any other season makes it so charming and comforting to me. Plus Kalina is easily a Top 3 D20 villain.
3 - D20: A Crown of Candy
Coming up at a close second, A Crown of Candy was the first D20 season I finished. I binged it in about two days (didn't watch the Adventuring Parties at first, though) and felt so thoroughly ripped from the world when it was over that I kinda mourned a family of candy people for like two days straight. It's such a fun, technicolor, sugary-sweet world - but the plot and characters are so complex, so dark, that I was completely swept away by their story. It's just a really well-built and clever world, and it features some of my favorite D20 characters ever (Amethar, Saccarhina, Lapin, and Calroy.)
4 - D20: The Seven
Since The Seven is set in the same world as Fantasy High, I went in with really steep expectations. I was definitely not disappointed. The vibes and relationships between all of the women at the table is so genuine and infectious. The story is touching, but there's so much chaos and so many shenanigans from the characters that there's also so much to laugh about. It's another comfort rewatch, for sure.
5 - D20: Misfits and Magic
Aabria as a GM is always a good time for me, and I really loved seeing this cast parody the Harry Potter universe (and associated "kids at magic boarding school" trope) with such affection, but also incisive criticism. It's funny, light-hearted, and also really fun to watch Brennan be a PC, and get to bounce off the other players as a single personality. (Evan + K = 4Ever)
Top 5 Songs of this year
(I'm not gonna take this from Spotify, although all of these songs were in my top 20)
1 - "It's Called: Freefall" by Rainbow Kitten Surprise
This song did it all for me in 2022. It was a comfort song, a pump-up song, a breakdown song, and a sing-a-long and dance song. I don't know why it struck such a chord with me - I'd enjoyed plenty of other RKS songs before, but never on this level. It just resonates. It was my top song of 2022 on Spotify, and given that the four next songs are all by Halsey, that's saying something.
2 - "Whispers" by Halsey
After seeing this song live, it swiftly reentered my top 5 from IICHLIWP. It's an intense experience even just as a studio track, but the way Halsey sang it in person elevated the song to something even more painfully relatable and real. It's a song that's followed me into 2023, that's for sure.
3 - "Bounce Man" by Twenty One Pilots
I didn't like most of Scaled and Icy, but this song was a huge exception. It was my go-to whenever I needed a pick-me-up. That addictively catchy chorus, the fun beat, the lyrics being hopeful in the face of a scary situation (classic TOP) - that's a combination that hits just right on a tough day.
4 - "Fucks Me Up" by Anthony Green
On the other side of the coin, this song will make you cry on that same tough day, but you'll feel better afterwards. My husband and I share a love for Saosin and Circa Survive, mostly because of Anthony Green's incredible vocals. This entire album is gorgeous, but this song (and the last verse in particular) - well, it fucks me up!
5 - "Tree House" by Alex G feat Emily Yacina
This one is sweet, fun, and calming, and is going to remain in my rotation for a long time to come. It reminds me of my best friend (she did show it to me, but it'd remind me of her even if she hadn't,) and makes me feel so cozy and safe. It's just nice. :)
Top 5 albums of this year
1 - If I Can't Have Love, I Want Power by Halsey
For the second year in a row, this album owned my entire life. Most of my top ten on my Spotify Wrapped was devoted to this album. I still go buckwild when I heard "Easier than Lying" and it's my most played song on Spotify EVER, which includes like five years of music-listening. Getting to see most of these songs live (and then some, that 2hr set was crazy) made for one of the best nights of my entire life. It was an emotional experience bordering on spiritual, which is not a place I normally visit. It's Halsey's masterpiece, a perfect marriage of her abilities as a lyricist combined with some of the best production they've ever had. I just love it so goddamn much.
2 - Boom. Done. by Anthony Green
This album is a beautiful, heart-wrenching, honest reflection on addiction, recovery, and trauma. It's sonically very soothing, but lyrically absolutely crushing, which makes for a very tender experience. My husband and I spent most of the end of the year with these songs on rotation when were listened to music together, so this album is going to hold a special place in my heart for a long time.
3 - HOLY FVCK by Demi Lovato
I feel Demi has always been destined to make an album like this. Their voice is perfect for rock music, and the honesty in her lyrics (which reflect her very difficult life experiences) just work so much better with guitars and drums behind them than snyth beats. I didn't love every song on this album, but it's definitely my favorite work by Demi thus far.
4 & 5. Hopeless Fountain Kingdom (Live at Webster Hall) and Badlands (Live at Webster Hall) by Halsey
Although these are two very different albums, I love them for the same reason, which is that they both are records of Halsey performing live. I truly think live performances are where they shine the brightest, and many of the live versions of these songs have completely replaced the studio versions for me.
Top 5 fictional characters of this year
1 - Rhaenyra Targaryen and Alicent Hightower (House of the Dragon)
As Luce said, you cannot separate them, it causes wars. I love them both so much. And I'm gonna love and hate watching them continue to tear each other apart.
2 - Louis de Pointe du Lac (Interview with the Vampire)
Jacob Anderson just killed the fuck out of this role, and made me appreciate Louis in a way I never have before.
3 - Adaine Abernant (Fantasy High)
I actually can't put into words how much I love Adaine, or why. If you know, you know.
4 - Kirsten Raymonde (Station Eleven)
I'm always a sucker for a fierce, protective woman with a metric fuckton of baggage, who still manages to maintain a heart of gold in the midst of a horrible situation. Kirsten is all of that, and so, so much more.
5 - Lizzie Saltzman (Legacies)
I just think she's a really fun extension on Caroline Forbes' character, as her heir apparent, and she was often the funniest and most emotionally engaging character on the show. Plus, y'know, Hizzie.
Top 5 games you played this year
The Quarry
The Mortuary Assistant
Animal Crossing: New Horizons
The Long Dark
Martha is Dead
5 Positive Things that happened, no matter how small!
1 - I got to see Halsey in concert at my favorite venue!
2 - I moved to a bigger place!
3 - I went and visited my best friend in October!
4 - I got a new job!
5 - I spent a lot of really wonderful time on this website making dumb jokes, crying over shows, and chatting with all of you! <3
Since I'm so very, very late in posting this, I'm not gonna tag anyone, but if you wanna tell me about something you enjoyed last year, feel free!!
#I'm just gonna post this because if I don't do it now I never will#about me#year in review#2022#year in review 2022#rambling about my life
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💖 Day 3.5 is now available! 💖
For the last couple of months, only Server Boosters had access to the 3.5 update... Buuuuut now it's available for everyone to play in the 14DWY Discord — and soon itch.io once I'm happy with the QA and state of the game — so please don't feel pressured to join unless you want to!!
The full devlog + even more screenshots are under the cut ^^
What's been added to the 3.5 version?
📺 Streamer Mode!
I've been told that it's difficult to stream and monetise age-restricted videos on YouTube and Twitch, so I added an option to remove the sexual content and strong language used in the demo.
Now y'all can invite Ren into your bed for cuddles without putting your streamer career on the line /silly /lh
This won't affect the 18+ rating or dark themes/elements of the game, however! Although Streamer Mode will prevent you from seeing any "gruesome" CGs in the future, most of the core elements of the game will still be tied to the choices and decisions you make. So you won't miss out on the overall experience by using streamer mode!!
⚙️ Custom Pronouns!
It only took me one entire year to get around to it, but you can finally choose your own preferred pronouns (or use a set of pronouns instead)... At the cost of being able to change them mid-game ^^;
Since the original pronoun screen wouldn't update until a new scene was displayed, I temporarily disabled the feature. But once I find a workaround, I'll bring it back!
💗 Choose how others perceive you!
You can now choose how the cast and narration perceive you! Originally, the narration was kept strictly gender-neutral (outside of pronouns and genitalia picked by the player), but this will soon change in future updates.
For more clarity: you don't get to choose the words specifically, but you can choose between masculine, feminine, and androgynous terms!
📋 Separate top and bottom genitalia!
You can now choose your tatas and pps separately! >:3
Alongside that, you can also choose your preferred body type!
I removed the "both" genitalia option because a few players still assumed it was an obscure version of "intersex". That wasn't my intention and I don't want to mislead anyone, so I took it out for now ^^;
I also didn't want to include a screenshot of the new genitalia choices in action (because it's NSFW), so y'all get the same character menu screen for the nth time instead lmao
📱 Relationship Screen Overhaul!
You can now change your own status for more immersion, and long-term Server Boosters will eventually be able to submit and use their own icon within the game as well!
Stalking finding your friends has now become easier by using "Buddy Maps"; a new app that allows you to see the location of all the cast members!
I want to offer players more incentive to check the relationship screen since they tend to miss the status updates, so hopefully this might help ;v;
It also says it "updates every few hours" so folks don't go overboard and check every 5 seconds to see where Ren is gdsghf (also keep in mind that he's a hacker lol)
🖤 Additional Scenes Update!
Day 2 received a brand new CG!!!!! Originally, I planned on only adding a few CGs sporadically throughout the game, but it didn't feel right to leave Day 2 so... empty... so I added a brand new CG to (hopefully) make things feel more balanced and natural!
If you decline Teo's offer on Day 3, Leon will now call and try to convince you to reconsider. However, players are still allowed to decline, and if they do, they'll reach a dead end.
After listening to feedback on itch, I changed some of the dialogue during Days 1-3 to make it seem more consistent! They're only small changes though, so it's honestly not worth looking for sdgjssga
🎶 Updated BGM and SFX!
I wanted to try out a different style of music to see if it fits the vibe of 14DWY more! The BGM features more acoustics to suit the "beachy" theme of Corland Bay, though I made a conscious effort to include piano elements as well to stay true to the original!!
I figured it'd be better to give players a live example before I make a poll (to see if they prefer the change or not) and publish it to Itch.
Some new SFX have also been added, though it's very minimal and honestly not that noticeable.
How to download and play the update?
(warning: clicking on the following links will open Discord!!) To download the Day 3.5 update, simply join the 14DWY Discord server, verify your age, and visit the "14dwy-updates" channel!
Alternatively, you can also wait until the update is publicly released on Itch to play it as well!! (It normally gets released shortly after a round of QA testing/getting feedback from the server, though I may release it earlier if I feel like it hehe ^^)
Enjoy!!
#14 days with you#14dwy#💖 — 14 days with queue.#🖤 — updates.#🖤 — spoilers.#I'm not gonna say much about my current doxxing situation because I've got it under control now + it's being handled privately#Plus I don't wanna give it/the people involved any unnecessary attention. I just wanna announce the update and Get Back To It™️#(''it'' bein the grind 💪 It never stops lmao /silly)#OG followers will also know that these topics aren't the vibe I normally have on this blog (or any of my accounts); so I don't think I'll—#—make ANOTHER public post about the situation and bring more attention to it (when I just want everything to be over and put to rest ^^;)#However I also don't want people to think that I'm... ignoring?? the situation entirely (because gettin doxxed is a very endangering thing)#So I DO want to quickly acknowledge it here and say that it's all currently handled + I'm safe and okay + this won't stop me from—#—continuing to work on 14DWY (and other future projects). I also don't want to give these awful people more power and incentive to continue#—this kind of pathetic behaviour; so the less attention and encouragement being shown will ultimately be better in the long run :3#Aaaaaanways!! 😮💨#My other accounts will be restored shortly and my askbox will be opened once I feel comfortable. I'll get around to following folks—#—again in my own time; so please don't feel offended if I unfollowed you during a moment of vulnerability and anxiety!!#This is all EXTREMELY overwhelming and scary for someone with SAD/AvPD; and I /gen can't handle seeing it all over my timeline ;v;#Sorry this got ranty and personal again hjdsgjsdh T_T I said I wouldn't say much; so I'll shut up now hehe#🖤 — shut up sai.
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Based on somewhat real events
I spent way too much time drawing this...
But yeah, Ford finally saying thank you
A continuation (kinda)
#sometimes my skin smells too strongly and I hate it. I wanna crawl up and die. it's not that bad usually#only when I'm already overstimulated#there were 2 times where I was sick and I started crying and almost threw up because the smells were too strong#one time the smell of tge city. the other time it was roasted chicken. I still feel sick when I smell reheated chicken to this day#I'd love to have someone comfort me and rub my back in these moments but 1. I don't want anyone to touch me and#2. I feel like I don't deserve to be touched because it's an inconvenience to others#anyway enough about me. I am now projecting in these characters#I hate drawing their faces so much#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#young stanford pines#stan pines#stanley pines#young stan pines#art#fanart#traditional art#comic#long post#watercolor#forgot to mention but I can't take a shower when the sun is still up except if I was swimming in a pool/sea. no specific reason I just can'#projecting to Ford because Stan would never feel like that :/ oh well#is this cringe? maybe. probably. do I care? no. not really#I'm self diagnosing myself with 'definitely something wrong but not further specified' because this can't be normal#btw sorry if this is disappointing. I tried my best (the first part is pretty neat imo)#wonder if anyone is gonna read all of these tags#is this the worst thing you've seen yet?#teen stan#teen ford
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“2015 me is living” about billford
mf you only drew billdip💀
hey! it's okay if you don't remember, you're probably too young and/or they didn't get as many notes in comparison to other art i did back then, but i did in fact ship and draw billford in 2015! a couple of times actually! now, at the time i was really enjoying the human bill made by my friend so it's a different bill design with him in the art, but still billford nonetheless haha
ALSO something funny, when i was going back through my stuff from 2015 i found this ancient instagram screenshot of the comment section of a post i made, and someone is flaming me for drawing billford LMAO the irony
just goes to show that even though times change in fandom, there will always be someone who doesn't agree with you, and that's fine! but maybe we should learn to keep it to ourselves next time ok?
#im just gonna keep doing me and you do you#please don't attack this person#i almost didn't make this post because i don't like to interact with these kinds of people#but then i found that screenshot and it made me laugh#ok that's it for real now i'm never acknowledging another b/lldip mentioner again
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Suddenly remembered a headcanon of mine from a while back about how Cedric rarely, if ever, drinks around people because of how embarrassing he gets. He's already treated as a joke, imagine if he made a fool of himself when drunk...but he probably drinks alone in his tower sometimes. Never in the workshop, of course...he made that mistake once and that's the last time he's making it. I think he'd be the type to drink away his emotions.
#cedric the sorcerer#sofia the first#cedric sofia the first#headcanon#you ever look at a post you just wrote out and think: damn I do not have a single useful thought do I#but anyways I'm gonna be positive and congratulate myself on only using two elipses#and not ending the post on an elipse#none of my posts are thought out#if I think too hard I don’t finish writing#this is why I never managed to post a fanfic#speaking of fanfics I really want to write one actually#Like a crossover type because those are fun I think#Of course to write that fanfic I have to first finish watching a certain show (I'm not talking about stf)#(I have at least two other incomplete shows)#I know that people may be less likely to read the fic if it's a crossover of two completey separate fandoms#But I don't think I want to write this fanfic to be read by people anyways#It's gonna take away some of the fear and all of writing#oh look the tags are longer than the fucking post now#and entirely unrelated to the post too#great job nox never stop being you#apples
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been playing way too much slime rancher recently, and am now getting The Urges to make some kind of rtc slime rancher au
#i don't even know how it would work#or what it would consist of#my brain just wants to combine all my interests constantly#ricky would turn all the slimes into tabby largos#misha would like rad slimes because “they're rad yo”#ocean would probably try to make hunter largos and then get bitten. the idea of her being bitten by a slime amuses me#does any of this make sense#am i still speaking english#i have accumulated nearly 24 hours of playtime in 4 days#i love slime rancher so much#btw if anyone is for some reason reading this and is yet to play the game but wants to#if you have a jetpack you can hop the wall into the moss blanket without opening the gate with a key#save yourself a slime key#i discovered that years ago when the game was in early access. it has never been patched#life tips with disorganised-bagel#help this has gotten so off-track#i think noel would connect with mosaic slimes on a deep fundamental level. idk why. i just get the vibe#constance would like pink slimes i think#like everyone else always overlooks the pink slimes because they're so common but constance has a whole corral of them#don't ask me about penny headcanons for this hypothetical au that i'm making up on the spot as i write this at 11:32pm#because i have no clue#she'd probably actually know what she was doing i guess. she'd probably laugh at ocean for getting bitten by a slime#this post is so unhinged i'm so sorry i'm gonna go sleep now i think lol#bagel thoughts
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#okay no it's not the darkness getting to me there is a real life thing occupying a lot of my brain space#and idk if there's anything to be gained by speaking it out loud into the void but at the moment it's the only thing i Can do#i don't even have to click the 'post' button if i don't want to#but yeah. yesterday got the news that my mom's husband is dying. had a surprise heart attack and he's not gonna make it#just feels super fucking weird#personally i never really liked him at all so it's not like i myself necessarily have to grieve. never was that close with him#but like. oof this is going to be hard for my mom. and i'm super worried about how she's going to survive#but there's nothing to DO about it really. she wanted to have some space to come to terms with this on her own#and she has a strong support network of friends in her city. while i'm on the other side of the country#and don't even know what i could do to help if i was closer to her. i just. like. what can you even do in a situation like this?#just feels weird to Not do anything when i know how huge of an impact this will make for her entire life#she'll probably have to move to a different place too#and there are people there to help her. people with more life experience. people who probably know more about grief than i do#i just. i have no idea how one handles something like this. except for being there for her when asked#do eldest daughters have some sort of universal responsibilities that i'm just not aware of?#it feels kinda horrible how this is constantly circling back to what can *I* do and what must *I* do. how *I* feel#i'd never ever ever make things this much about me in any other setting than my own tumblr blog. in a tag whisper i'm not sure i'll post#but yeah all of this is eating my brain in a very weird way. an odd sort of limbo where it feels like there should be something here#it'd certainly be easier if i had any sort of relationship with the dead person myself. if i had something to grieve myself#now there's just a feeling that something Should be here to feel. and the knowledge of how hard this must be for my mom#ahhhhh idk none of this makes any sense i'm just speaking in circles and everything feels bad#it's bad and horrible and i don't know how to process any of this and i'm stuck in my brain and can't DO anything#there's nothing i can do to help my mom at this exact moment when she wants to be left alone with her thoughts#and i can't do anything else either because all of this feels like a heavy black cloud fogging up my brain#can't concentrate on anything at all today#not fun. not cool#sussitalk
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i really need to stop staying up late when my intrusive thoughts come up again, they always get worse at night. i wanted to do some writing, but i procrastinated too long and now i feel too bad and when i tried, i couldn't focus. so i'm gonna try and go to bed.
#friday chats#just. not doing great all around. lots of ups and downs in my mood.#i'm literally so close to finishing this oneshot but it might be another couple weeks before it's ready at this rate :/#sorry about that. i really want to complete it and i promise i'm trying#my mind's just been really funky lately and i don't know why#probably bc i'm still sort of sick. i hope it goes away soon#also i feel like i always have to clarify#i'm not upset that i'm disappointing readers by not posting anything#i'm upset because it takes me forever to write things#and i have a bajillion ideas that i really want to share but i'm just. so bad at completing creative projects#i'm worried that my interest in tma will wane before i finish them all like what happened with hermitcraft and double trouble#and if that happens i'll just be plagued with all these stories that never came to fruition#not to mention i really really really want to be a published author#and if i can hardly even finish oneshots how am i supposed to complete a book manuscript#let alone several; like the series i have in mind#it's just. a lot. easy to spiral down. it makes me feel bad.#anyway i'm gonna actually go to bed now. wahoo
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realizing how much physical affection means to me literally. like i always get that as my #1 love language for every fun test i do but oh my god they're right. i don't get enough physical affection or i don't get people saying they're giving me physical affection when they can't and suddenly i'm staying up that everyone hates me
#logically i understand my best friend loves me but oh my god. we haven't hugged in a week. what if he never cares to see me again#or like . i understand my guy probably likes me but haven't been told i'm getting affection in a while . my affection has been rejected. .#so . ugh. just need a fucking hug dude#i wanna ask my friend for niceys rn but it's 3 am so she's probably asleep and also . :( what if he doesn't like me#(<- guy who's been friends with it for years)#like . i wish i could tell someone like “hey give them reassurance rn” without.... asking for that#like i'd post “need someone to be niceys to me rn” because that's usually the most i can do to communicate that but he rarely is on tumblr#and what? do i send this post to my friend? no wtf#this happens with like. everyone close to me btw. i just care a lot about my best friend#so just. ugh. gonna try and sleep now. i'm getting a hug from him tomorrow#i really hope he plans something with me...i think that's all i need reassurance wise#i don't plan shit with people because what if they don't wanna be around me? but when ppl plan shit with me? YEAH . <3#godddddd#🤞 please invite me to something soon i miss you and i feel like you hate me for no reason but that i'm sad always
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