#I'm in a better overall mental state now than i was when they took it off a max before season six could air (when it was already finished)

[notbroadwaybound]

losing your comfort show just sucks. TWICE. I have lost it TWICE. and there's no physical media of it (and I don't even have a DVD player or a laptop that has a DVD drive anymore because like apparently we as a society hate the concept of physical media now)

[bibibbon]

I'm really curious if people in the bnha subreddit know the meaning of character development when they say Bakugou changes and has better character development. Whenever I hear this sentence I'm like where tf is the change & development. He is the same guy he was from chapter 1. The only difference I've seen is he shouts less but that's it.

His apology to izuku was shit, his whole talk right after the apology about izuku's chosen path and ideals and how he was asking izuku to rely on him and shitty 1A was pure BS. The 2nd war proved how pathetic Bakugou and 1A were against AFO and my boi Shiggyband it also proved that Izuku was right to go vigilante and his reasons for doing it alone were right.

Also leading 1A's confrontation against Izuku, he never once took accountability for Izuku's mental state. Instead he blamed it on the one person who supported and was actually a positive influence to Izuku. He never opened up to anyone about how he abused and suicide baited Izuku.

He was being a prick to Fuyumi in the endeavour agency arc. Treated his team as lackeys and underlings in the JT arc. Bitched about how he wasn't included in the OFA meeting and disrespected the previous OFA holders. It was irritating that All might didn't tell him to get out for disrespecting Nana. Anyone other than Bakugou would've been a better sparring partner for Izuku during his blackwhip training.

Took izuku out and used him as his punching bag while gaslighting him for not revealing about OFA. Also why and how was he an inspiration to 1A when he didn't do shit for them. It should have only been Izuku.

Goes after the villains and gets himself captured even though he knew he was a prime target for LOV.

And why was he targeted by LOV? Thanks to his overall behaviour and track record from the sports festival fights with Uraraka and Shoto.

Even after knowing shoto's trauma, he still was being a POS to him.

They said he respected Uraraka in the sports festival but before the fight he told her to give up, looked down on her and never saw her as a threat. He was unnecessarily dragging the fight instead of ending it and used excess force in his explosion when it wasn't necessary considering it was just a sport and not a life or death battle. He later says "time to get serious" which means he never took her seriously which debunks Aizawa's claims and validates the audience's criticism of him. Even after the fight he still went and asked izuku if izuku had given a plan to her. This means he never thought Uraraka was capable of devising a strategy. So where was the respect in all this.

The subreddit always said he started to develop after the USJ arc but all the above arcs happened after USJ and none of them showed that he developed.

Hori literally bends the narrative to favour his pet and the bnha subreddit says "hurray character development", "he changed".

People actually claim that bakugo somehow started changing after the usj arc?!?! Really!!!

I personally don't think bakugo's character has had that big of a change at best I can say that he shouts a bit less but other than that there isn't much. The only reason that people think bakugo has changed is because the narrative tries to frame it that way and whenever bakugo does something that's outright wrong like punching Izuku it's painted as "oh that's just bakugo" or it's made into a gag that we are supposed to dismiss or laugh at.

In my opinion it's not just MHA subbredit that believes in bakugo's "amazing" redemption and arc but it's a good chunk of the MHA fandom in general. Heck I remember coming across a post that showed how bakugo changed and @sapphic-agent debunked the post (Iam glad she did and she done it really well)

If bakugo were to properly be developed than a good chunk of his arc should be to develop out of his rivalry or his need for one.

[changbinsboobs]

i'm curious about the new dorms in pairs! leeknow said they all got to choose who they wanted to live with. is it true and are they satisfied with the member they are with? (i know its not been long since they moved in together). and how do they welcome that change on a personal level? thank you!!

Hi:) so i reformed the question a little bit, since before the reading i felt like the members theyre with was a mutual decision they're all content with. I don't feel like they really had much preferences either. So either way i think most of them would've been pretty content with whoever they ended up with. After all they have lived with everyone once, and more or less have learned to live with each member.

That being said i find the topic intriguing myself, especially after laying the cards so I've prepared a follow up reading going more into details like what was the overall reason the group decided to move. What was each members motivation to want/not want to move. What co-living in each dorm is like, like looks, vibes, routines, dynamic, personal relationship, individual relationship with oneself, changes of before, likes and dislikes etc. so stay tuned🥰✨🙌🏻

*For entertainment purposes only!

How do Skz feel about their new dorm arrangements?

Chan - 5 of Swords, The Fool, 2 of Cups

Out of all Chan seems to be the only one that didn't welcome the change with open hands. I feel he might've had some reservations and maybe feared that the bond between them might weaken or even break if they now spend less time with each other. U know you get used to someone when living together so u get a bit blind about stuff that would annoy you. And by moving out into pairs he might've feared that some members might once again start to bicker (im thinking of han and hyunjin😂) Despite that he kind if gave in or was overpowered by the majority when making that decision and is actually pretty content now with i.n as his roommate.

I.N - 3 of Wands, 2 of Wands

He was so in for the whole change. Very enthusiastic. I think him, hyunjin and leeknow are the most excited and happiest ones. He took a big part in planing and executing the move i feel like. He was definitely very involved. I think now he has way more (mental) space to indulge in things he might've not been able to before now that he has more peace and quite and more space. He's excited for the fruits of it all.

Lee Know - 4 of Wands, Page of Swords

He feels really happy, kind of like he hit the jackpot or something. This might've been something he has awaited for a while and now he finally has it. Other than that i don't see much tbh. I think he's just excited to start his living together with Han and build a closer relationship and create an intertwined life with each other(?).

Han - 9 of Pentacles, 6 of Cups

He feels the whole thing was a big success/jackpot too and is very happy with the move as well. I believe he's excited to have it easier. I see him finally being able to take care of his inner child, and also for his inner child to be taken care of by Leeknow specifically. He feels like he can relax and let himself be cared for and pampered - something he apparently couldn't do and didn't get while in the other dorms. Both of them are very compatiable as in ones needs automatically fulfills the others needs and vice versa. They really do each other good.

Changbin - Queen of Cups, The Empress

Changbin is also very content with the change and i feel like he wants to use this time and newfoudn space and peace to get to know himself better and grow. To care better for himself. To nurture himself more. I feel like he's kind of over the bachelor / youngster life and wants to slowly step into a more adult role and become more autonomous and mature when it comes to life and general. I feel like he kind of steps in a new era and is in a state of a metamorphosis or something, where he turns from a boy to a man, and other stuff begin to interest him slowly and for that he needs to change to. But he can't feel like a reliable man, capable to provide for his partner and eventually his family, if he has lived his whole life with his parents or his other bachelor friends. He wants to take this opportunity to become more "serious" and reliable - build himself and his confidence in his skills to "survive" on his own. Learn what it is to live by yourself (even if he still shares the apartment with hyunjin) and get used to, in advance, of what life with a partner would be like. Kind of like practice for the future and indirect manifesting.

Hyunjin - The Sun, 3 of Pentacles

Hyunjin feels amazing and is really, really happy about the move. He can finally flourish. I think he's that type of introvert where the more people there are around him, the more dampened his energy gets. Now when he shares an apartment just with changbin (who's also very focused on his own thins recently) he can unfold and flourish fully the way he wants to. I think he wants to learn new things and engage even more in his own hobbies and interest and he actually looks forward to when he actually misses the members or human contact. I think in the past years he's been so stifled continuously, feeling slightly suffocated by the amount if people around him that he has forgotten what it is to actually want to see people. To crave human contact. He's happy that now with his newfound peace and space he can enjoy his own company to the point where he will start actually craving other people himself.

Felix - Temperance

Felix's reading wasn't very detailed or colorful. Basically he's just content with the new living arrangements. He would've been fine either way tho:)

Seungmin - Justice, Knight of Pentacles

Fo him imnpt getting anything specific either, i guess he's just indifferent and will continue just living for himself and do his own thing, maybe a tad bit easier now that he shares his space only with one member.

[midfight-artchive]

Hello!! It's been a while and I feel like I should explain why I've been gone for so long despite the blog working on a queue system. The short answer is mental health stuff, the long answer is below.

What's important is that the blog will now officially be on hiatus until further notice. When I come back, I'm going to overhaul how I do things behind the scenes that will hopefully bring more of the archive to you without tiring me out as much. Thank you for understanding, and again a more full explanation is below.

I've been going through probably the worst mental state I've ever been in lately. Nothing to do with the blog itself thankfully, I'm very passionate about this blog and MFM as a whole to this day, but the circumstances I'm currently in make it difficult to run this blog.

You know the saying "it gets worse before it gets better?" I'm basically going through that, fully realizing my traumas and really putting myself under a microscope to pick out what needs to be healed and improved. Things are looking up for me overall, but the amount of mental strain and exhaustion I'm experiencing can't be understated either. (Not to mention the fact that I'm still in the situation that gave me this trauma in the first place, so healing is a little difficult when I'm being retraumatized pretty much constantly... x_x) Said exhaustion makes it very hard to even fill the queue for this blog, let alone have the energy to answer asks or even tag sometimes. It's rough! This blog isn't demanding by any means and it's still too much to even think about. (And I have thought about it a lot!!! I've wanted to come back numerous times but didn't because of the constant fatigue I've been feeling.)

Part of that is because I'm neurodivergent, though, and MFM hasn't been a hyperfixation of mine for YEARS. In fact, I haven't had a solid hyperfixation since about...2019-2020? Since then I've been coasting along on special interests and even my focus on those have lasted shorter and shorter the longer time has gone on. I started this blog way after MFM was in my brainspace full time, which is why it took over a year to even set up. I felt that the premise was more important than my brain's shenanigans, though, so I pushed through and tried my best to keep it up. The sad truth is that I don't think about MFM as much as I used to, and when I do think of them these days it's more of a "damn, I really miss them...." for a few minutes before my brain goes back to whatever it's currently grabbed hold of. It's not my choice, as many people with hyperfixations know, and trust me when I say that if I could keep them in my focus long enough to keep this blog running I would in a heartbeat. The fact that this is comorbid with depression really means I have to scrap for whatever energy I can, and that means focusing on things that actively bring me joy just so I can have enough energy to get out of bed, meaning even a fun side project isn't as possible as I previously thought.

HOWEVER, NOT ALL HOPE IS LOST!!! I've started medication and as I've said, I'm working to better myself. This blog going on the backburner is me taking a break, NOT a cancellation, and when I come back I promise to be better about not disappearing for random stretches of time. :P I can't say exactly when I'll feel well enough to pick this blog back up, but it absolutely will happen.

Thank you all so much for the positive reception to this blog, and I'm looking forward to continue archiving for you all!!

[shina913]

On Tilt, Part 4 | KNJ

On Tilt, Part 4

Definition: a poker term for a state of mental or emotional confusion or frustration in which a player adopts a suboptimal strategy, usually resulting in the player becoming overly aggressive.

On Tilt Masterlist

Pairing: Namjoon x Fem!Reader

Rating: M 🔞

Genre: idol!AU; strangers-to-FWB-to-lovers; toxic relationship; angst; fluff; smut

Warnings: cussing; vulnerable confessions; explicit and suggestive sexual conversations; making out; heavy petting/groping; unbelievable amount of cheesiness and fluff--it's disgusting how these two have it so bad for each other!

Summary: You’ve said time and time again that you wouldn’t lose yourself to him. You were in control now. You were going to make better choices. For a minute there, you were able to keep up with it. It wasn’t ‘til Namjoon’s extended break that you found yourself falling into old habits. Will you ever learn to quit Kim Namjoon?

Word count: 3,570 words

A/N: I'm sorry...this came out wayyyyy cheesier than I intended. But hey, I've been writing a lot of angst lately, I wanted a change of pace! This is the song they sing to. Namjoon posted it on his IG stories a while back 🙊

ALSO!!! Please don't be a silent reader! My inbox and DMs are open. Comment, reblog, scream at me, send me an emoji--whatever. It fuels me and motivates me to continue writing! 😘

[Namjoon] 6:05PM: Can’t wait until this album is mastered and goes through print. It was fun and all but…damn, I really miss you.

His text made you grin at your screen like an idiot.

He wasn’t kidding when he said he’d be busy. He was practically on lockdown finishing up loose ends on a couple of tracks and going through each soundwave with a fine-toothed comb.

That was how Namjoon was. He was always passionate about his work, and always wanted to constantly evolve. He loved art but was never one to be content with stagnation. He wasn’t going to be locked into four corners of a frame.

You admired that about him…but it also scared you in a way. In the back of your mind, you thought, maybe it took him a while to come around to this agreement because he didn’t want to be tied down to begin with.

It was a daunting and disappointing thought but you brush it aside when his follow-up text comes in.

[Namjoon] 6:07PM: What do you think about a quiet night-in at my place? I’ll order dinner and we can just hang out. No more boners, I promise 😇

That elicited a laugh from you. Truthfully, you didn’t mind it but you had to stick to your guns.

[You] 6:08PM: 😋 Sounds good, I can’t wait! Missed you, too.

[Namjoon] 6:10PM: I also got a new firepit installed on my balcony–totally safe, BTW. No open flame! I just push a button 😅

You laughed again.

[You] 6:10PM: Oohh cozy!

[Namjoon] 6:11PM: It is! I also got some new furniture and a blanket with our names on it.😏

[You] 6:11PM: Sounds romantic…

[Namjoon] 6:11PM: That’s the goal 😘 I’ll see you in two days.

******

“Fuck…” you croaked after coughing up icky, yellow-green mucus into the sink. This was bad, you thought. Namjoon was supposed to pick you up tonight and you woke up this morning feeling all foggy.

Yesterday, you thought the scratchy throat was brought on by allergies. You took an antihistamine before bed to stave it off. But now, you were all congested, looking like death after mere hours.

“Hey, are you okay in there?” Lani asks out of concern from the other side of the bathroom door.

You open it to greet her and she looks horrified when she sees your bloodshot eyes, pale skin and overall disheveled appearance.

“Really? It’s that bad?”

“I mean…” The look of hesitation on her face all but confirmed it. 

“Damn,” you groaned. “I was really looking forward to this date, too.”

Immediately, she tries to sound consoling. “You know what? I’m sure he’ll understand. It’s that time of the year, everyone’s getting sick.” 

Sure, she made a fair point. She was a nurse at a hospital and she knew all too well that this year’s flu season has been particularly brutal. You were just glad that you didn’t feel bad enough to require hospital admission.

But for some reason, that thought wasn’t comforting enough. “It’s been over three weeks and I really miss him,” you whined.

Back then, you’d go long stretches without seeing Namjoon and it wasn’t a big deal. You just shrugged your shoulders and thought you’d catch each other again ‘next time.’

Lani puckered her lips comically and glanced below your waist. “Guess you’re regretting that 5-date rule right about now, huh?”

You rolled your eyes at her. “Shut up,” you dismissed her before walking past her to go back to your room.

“Girl, who cares? It’s not like you had a contract or whatever. Nobody’s taking you to court if you break your rule–”

“Yes, but I know it! And Namjoon knows it! And…”

“Okay, okay, I’m only teasing,” she backed off. “Want me to make you some chicken noodle soup before I take a nap?” Lani had been picking up extra shifts in the evenings since they had been short-staffed at the hospital.

While soup sounded good, the concept of sinking yourself back under your covers seemed more appealing.

“Nah, you go and sleep. I’ll order from the food app or something. I just had a little bit of yogurt before I took my cold medicine.”

“Alright. Just set an alarm every 3.5 hours, if you want to stay on top of it,” she yawns.

******

“Joon, I can’t tonight…”

Delete.

“I woke up sick, can we resche–”

Delete.

“Ugh, why is this so hard? Just be straight with him,” you say to yourself before finally typing up a text to Namjoon.

You checked your watch again. Around this time, he was on a plane coming back from a schedule. You couldn’t afford to wait a few more hours until he landed because he’d be coming straight from the airport to your place.

[You] 10:15AM: I know that we were really looking forward to tonight but I just came down with the flu. I feel like crap and I don’t want to get you sick. Can we do a raincheck in a few days?

You send it off and sink back into your blankets to doze off.

******

Somewhere between naps, you are awakened by the smell of food. You checked your watch for the time–it was too late for lunch and still early for dinner. You figured Lani ended up making you soup…she was such a saint. You didn’t deserve her love! 

Next, you reached for your phone to check for calls. There were a couple of ‘hope you feel better’ emails from your team and a voicemail from Jia saying that she could drop off stuff at your door if you ever needed anything.

Oddly, there was nothing from Namjoon even though the notification below the text that you sent to him indicated that he read it over two hours ago.

You felt crestfallen that he didn’t even acknowledge it. You wanted to send a follow-up text to ask about his trip but thought you’d go and have a couple of bites to eat so you could take your next dose of cold medicine. 

You wandered out into the kitchen, fully expecting to catch Lani as she headed out the door for work. 

Your coughing announced your presence. “That smells good. Are you…" You are stopped dead in your tracks. "Joon?” 

He turned around with the biggest grin on his face. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

“W-wait, what are you…I thought–” You stuttered.

“You think you can get rid of me that easily?” He chuckled.

You laughed hoarsely. “I wasn’t trying to get rid of you. As you can see,” you open up your arms, as if presenting yourself to him, “I don’t look so hot right now.”

He took two strides and rounded the kitchen counter to get to you. “Do you think I care about that? I was looking forward to spending time with you and I wanted to do everything I could to make that happen.”

You wanted to swoon on the spot…until you noticed that he wasn’t wearing a face mask.

“But wait…you’ll get sick?”

He laughed softly, curling his arms around your waist. “I’ll be fine, baby. The whole group just got over a virus–and it missed me!”

You scoffed. “Oh, right–and with my luck, it’ll be me giving it to you.”

He shook his head, giving your hips a light squeeze. “You won’t. Aren’t you glad to see me?” He pouted his lips.

His subtle gesture made your belly flutter and your cheeks warm up. Glad to know that everything was still in good working order, you thought.

You gave a small smile. “Yes, of course.”

He flashed his dimple before kissing your forehead.

Taking your hand to urge you towards the kitchen, he says, “C’mon, I brought something that I thought might help you feel better.”

You took two steps before, realization sank in. “Hold on–how did you get in? Is Lani still here?” You’d been asleep for hours.

“No but I called her and,” he hesitates for a beat, “I…kind of… met her…at her workplace to borrow her keys?” He drags out slowly.

You eyed him suspiciously.

“She was cool with it and all she asked me to do was leave the key up on the lip of the doorframe so she could get in tomorrow morning.”

With a soft sigh, you nodded, appreciating the effort. Your eyes suddenly shift towards the kitchen, remembering what brought you out here in the first place. “D-did you cook?” These were words you never thought you’d ask him.

He threw his head back and let out a hearty laugh. “I wish but I don’t think you or Lani would forgive me if I burned your place down. I ordered some takeout–” He says, walking over to the counter, the bags finally coming into view. “I thought you might like some chicken pho?”

You couldn’t deny, that sounded amazing.

Sensing your acquiescence, he urges you to sit at the breakfast bar while he pours soup and noodles into bowls for both of you.

You asked if you could sit on the couch instead since you were feeling woozy and your warm throw blanket was calling your name. 

“Wherever you feel comfortable,” he replies. “I got some imperial rolls, too–I remembered that you liked them.”

“I do.” You smiled appreciatively at his thoughtfulness.

It’s been years since you both went out for good Vietnamese food. You registered the familiar green takeout bags on the counter. To most people, it looked like generic to-go bags but you recognize them coming from the hole-in-the-wall place that you and Namjoon used to go to.

After settling comfortably on the couch, he comes around, bowls in both hands and sets them on the coffee table in front of you. He turns back around to bring the pho add-ins along with the deep-fried eggrolls.

He takes the spot next to you and hands you a pair of chopsticks, which you accept. While he busies himself with the basil and lime, you couldn’t help but stare at him.

He turned his head in your direction. “You want some sriracha–what? Why are you staring?” he chuckled in curiosity.

“Nothing, I just…” at a loss for words, you just smiled, “Thank you.”

He gazed at you for a few seconds before responding, “You’re welcome. C’mon, eat up.”

******

After dinner, you tidied up together. Namjoon had music playing on your bluetooth speaker. As you reach for the rinsed dish that he held out for you to put on the rack to dry, he surprises you by grabbing your hand instead and deftly setting the bowl on the counter. A couple of pushes of a button on his phone with his free hand, he turned up the song’s volume.

Catching you around the waist, he pulls you close to him into a dance. You giggle as he sings along to the song that you recognize.

You can't disguise all the pounding of your heart, yeah I see your eyes And you can't hide

You laugh when he hits the falsetto but he’s too into it to stop.

Start to make sense and quit playing These love games… Tell me what you're gonna do, yeah

You join him when the chorus hits, dancing along to the beat. When the music dropped for the bridge, he pulls away slightly and then squints his eyes at you. He enunciates every word emphatically.

I just want to know one thing Will you be with me?

Hearing the words in his rich baritone made you catch your lower lip with your teeth. You grinned and matched his enthusiasm when you sang the rest of the words to him.

Here comes my darlin’ Here comes romance Here comes my lovin’, please honey will you dance

You pull him back closer to you, grinding against his body as the music swells again.

Then, he threw his head back dramatically to sing the chorus, “Quit breaking my heaaaaartttt…” You both burst out laughing as his voice cracks at the note that was clearly out of his vocal range.

When you calmed down, you looked up into his face. He was watching you with dark, glittering eyes.

“I love hearing you laugh like that,” he said, and you knew he wanted treasured memories like that between you. “It makes me think that I’m doing something right.”

“You are,” you assured him, even as your throat tightened at the sight of his yearning.

“I want to be that person who always puts a smile on your face.”

Slowly, you bring your hand up to cup his nape. “You already do.” With that, you pulled his mouth down to yours. As your lips touched, he hugged you so tightly your feet lifted off the floor.

This relationship may not have started out for the right reasons. You were both young and impulsive back then. 

But now, you were both trying hard to better yourselves for each other. Here was a man who wanted you both to work as desperately as you did. You were finally on the same page.

******

“The girl did it,” you blurted out decisively. 

Namjoon’s fingertips paused from drawing circles around your abdomen. “What? No way!”

You were sprawled lengthwise on the couch, watching Forensic Files. He was spooned behind you, his chin on your shoulder and his legs tangled with yours.

“I’m telling you…classic sociopath,” you told him matter-of-factly.

He scoffed. “I think it was the grandma.”

You gasped, eyes widening in shock. “Oh my god!” You tilted your head to look back at him. “She’s clearly only protecting her granddaughter!”

He grinned and smacked a kiss on your cheek. “Wanna bet on who’s right?”

You snorted. “Sorry, I’m not a gambler.”

“Aw, come on…” He rose up on his elbow to look down at you.

You tutted. “Nope! Besides, I know I’m right. I’ve seen enough of these shows to figure out a pattern.”

As you scooted closer to him, you felt his crotch against the curve of your bottom. He wasn’t hard, but that didn’t stop him from gaining your attention. Curiously, you reached behind you and cupped him.

He arched an eyebrow at you. “Is there anything we can do for you?”

You laughed as you withdrew your hand. “I’m just checking to see if everything is still in its place. You’ve been on your best behavior considering we’re in a tricky position.”

“Maybe because I don’t want to push you too far and scare you off.” Namjoon’s eyes glittered from the light of the TV screen.

“How considerate of you.”

He nuzzled his nose against your temple. “I’m willing to wait however long. Five, ten, twenty dates…whatever you want.”

You wriggled your body to face him. “What about what you want?”

“I thought I made it clear last time that I only wanted you?”

You try to stifle a smile but are spectacularly failing at it. “What if I decided to scrap our no-sex agreement,” you whispered. Your pointer and middle fingers did a ‘walking’ motion up on his chest. “Would you think I was being too easy?”

He watched your fingers then shifted his eyes back to look into yours. “I’d be too busy thinking how lucky I was to have the privilege.” He traced your eyebrow with the tip of his finger.

You seriously considered it. Lani was right, it wasn’t like breaking your agreement would have any legal repercussions. You were both adults!

You cleared your throat in an attempt to strengthen your resolve. “Could we settle with a makeout session for the time being?”

“Make out? What are we, in junior high?” His head fell back and he laughed, his chest vibrating against you. It was a husky, deep tone, your toes curled at the sound of it. 

You pushed at his shoulder. “Come on! Nobody makes out anymore. Everyone just wants to get right into fucking. Don’t you miss that feeling of being so into each other but aren’t quite ready to go all the way yet?”

He slow-blinks at you, wondering what point you were trying to make.

“You know, when I was in the 8th grade, there was this boy—“

“I’m going to need to stop you right there,” he cuts you off. “I really do not want to think about other people kissing you.”

You purse your lips and apologize. “I’m sorry…” Your hands crept under his shirt, gliding over his warm skin. Your lips moved against his jawline. “So…does that mean that you don’t want to suck face?”

“Baby, I’ll suck on any part of your body I can get my mouth on,” he answers point-blank.

“Why don’t we start here for now,” You tap your finger against your lips and he takes them, sealing his mouth softly over yours. His tongue traced the seam, then dipped inside, licking and teasing.

You burrowed into him, moaning when he shifted to lie half over you. 

Your hands slid up and down his back, your leg lifting to hook over his hip. You caught his lower lip between your teeth and licked the curve with the tip of your tongue.

The low growl he let out made you wet.

Your back arched as his hand slid underneath the hem of your hoodie and captured your bare breast, rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

“Are you sure you didn’t plan this,” he murmured. He kissed his way to your temple, and then buried his nose in your hair. “You’re making it really hard to last through two more dates.”

You pull away from him briefly. “Listen–I had no idea that you were coming over, okay,” you argued. “I didn’t know I had to be in proper underwear around you.”

He chuckled at your defensiveness. “I’m kidding,” he plants a quick kiss on your lips. “Can we just continue making out?”

You narrowed your eyes playfully at him. “You’re lucky, you’re cute.” You pushed past his joggers to squeeze his butt. The heat of his skin and his natural scent was a heady mix for you. It made you feel drunk with lust and need.

His mouth covered yours and you fisted at his hair, urging him closer to you with your arms and legs wrapped around him.

“I want you so much,” he rasped in between kisses.

You moaned in agreement, your mouth moving feverishly against his.

Namjoon held you with one hand at your nape and the other at your waist. Settling over you, he aligned himself against you and rolled his hips to your center.

“Mm, that felt so good,” you groaned, nails digging into his flesh while your insides clenched.

“Imagine how much better it would feel inside you,” he purred.

You nipped at his lower lip, giggling. “Are you trying to convince me to go all the way?”

“I can slide right in,” He sucked gently on your throat, making your core tremble hungrily. “You don’t even have to do anything. You can just lay back and watch me do all the work.”

It was incredibly tempting. He was rock-hard and you were primed and ready for him. All he needed to do was hook his finger to your leggings’ waistband.

You playfully puckered your lips and arched an eyebrow at him. “Hmm…I don’t know. I’m not that kind of girl anymore.”

His hand squeezed your hip bone, eliciting a light squeal from you.

Brushing his mouth over yours, he whispered, “If you don’t like it once it’s in you, I promise I’ll pull right out.”

You scrunch your face humorously at him. “Do people still fall for that line?”

He stared back at you in all seriousness. “You know I’d never feed you lines. I mean every word.”

You gripped the curves of his butt and rocked up against him, making him purr in excitement. Reveling in his playfulness, you teased, “And do you say that to all of the girls?”

His eyebrows knitted. “What other girls?”

“Oh, you know…” you sighed, “You’re Kim Namjoon, international idol. All these women, screaming for you to walk into their waiting arms.”

“You say that, and yet, I’m here in yours,” he lifted his head, his fingertips brushed the hair from your temple, “...where I belong.”

His words hit you like a freight train. You swallowed hard and whispered, “Fuck, what a line! Fine, go ahead and put it in.”

He pressed his forehead against yours, his breathy laugh warming your cheeks. “It’s unbelievable how crazy I am about you.”

You smiled back. “Well, believe it, because I am, too.”

You spent the rest of the night kissing and groping each other like horny teenagers but never went all the way. There was just something thrilling about that youthful, almost forbidden intimacy.

Hours later, you fell asleep in each other’s arms on your bed. You woke the next morning to the sound of his phone going off—work was calling and he had to leave.

As he prepares to head out, he tucks you back securely under your covers, and plants a kiss on your forehead.

When he pulls away, you utter, “Hmmm...I love you,” in the midst of your cold medicine-induced haze.

Before he could respond, you drowsily rolled over onto your side and fell back to sleep. You would wake up nearly an hour later, completely unaware of your words or whether he said anything back.

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Thank you so much for reading!

If you loved it, please comment, reblog, or send me feedback! 📩. I love hearing from readers! If you didn’t like it so much, I would still like to hear about it. Help me become a better writer! 💜

Tagging: @internetjunkdrawer @deepseavibez @itdoesntmatterwhy @yu-justme @e-cm @serendididy @onlythehobi @yoonallthetime @majamarantha @jinjccns @joonbo @shesoldbutcute @joonschocochip

[j2lx]

Major life update... And maybe the end

Hello everyone! You might have noticed my lack of posts and the fact that I haven't written since the year has started, and I'm just here to address that (out of my own will, not because anyone is harassing me don't worry).

So basically the main point is that I've gone back to school after a good two month holiday! And it might just be the start of the year but I have club activities thrice a week, a research programme once a week and just a heck ton of school work to finish on a daily, and weekly, basis. It's notoriously known as the hardest school year, and I can tell you that it's true =") I've basically had to do school work till 11pm (at least) everyday and it really has taken a toll on my body too.

I'm in a sports club, and we have a lot of training... Yeah. Long story short, my body hasn't been very good with handling everything so far, and I've been on the verge of collapsing from exhaustion more than I should have recently. I'm definitely not getting enough sleep, and my physical and mental state is weakening by quite a lot.

Writing used to be my escape from all this stress, and I used to be very very happy when I started to write. But now, with more and more pressure (mostly from myself, please don't blame yourself for this) to write better, I'm feeling burnt out and I just have no motivation to think and explore all the ideas I have. I'm losing interest in jujutsu kaisen too, and I just overall am having an extremely long and horrible writer's block.

Right now, any time I have to myself (which is scarce enough) is spent watching anime, reading manga or gaming (aka time to myself and just time to forget the rest of the world). I seriously can't find the time to write anymore, and I can't keep pushing things (including school stuff and mental health) out of the way to write in general. From fanfic to the stories I was thinking of submitting for a writing programme (that I might not apply for anymore, idk) I just cannot bring myself to touch anything writing related.

So on an even more serious note, I don't want to disappoint anyone with my subpar writing or whatever, so I probably will just be throwing out and posting out the fics I've forced myself to write and finishing whatever requests I have left, before leaving for goodness knows how long. And if it gets to me too much, I might either delete Tumblr just as a way to get rid of this stress, or delete this blog altogether (trust me, I don't want to do it if I can help it).

Yeah so that sums up pretty much everything going on right now, and I really would like to thank everyone for their support (and if you took the time to read through this). Life just isn't easy rn and I hope you understand.

dreamer out 🫡

[ticklish-touch]

Alright. I have a confession to make. I've been wanting to talk about this for a while, but it is another big reason that my Backrooms story is being delayed and why I'm less active.

(TW for w*e*e*d mention/subst*nce use, as well as N*S*F*W themes).

Last year, I started taking cannabis edibles for the first time in my life. They're legal in my state, and I was just... So at the end of my rope with trying to find something, anything, that would help my anxiety and help my brain shut off or wander off at night to take my thoughts away from the mental & emotional trauma I've been through in the last year. I took advice from a couple friends who take edibles, I still catalogue my reactions to it like a fucking scientist to try and be careful not to let myself go too wild.

CBD and THC hybrid gummies have been a lifesaver for me. I feel so much more relaxed after work. I can fall asleep so much faster. I feel so pleasantly lucid, and I can imagine so much more to my music.

I've also found that Sativa, especially when not combined with my CBD gummies, sends my imagination into overdrive like I wouldn't believe. And at first, I LOVED it!! I thought "oh holy shit I can use this energy to write more, faster!"

Until I realized that along with my ideas, it also amplified my ADHD. My thoughts and ideas bounce around off of each other SO MUCH that I need to scramble to get them written on Google Docs. I become beyond existential when lost in thw sauce. And not in a bad way! I have actually been able to work through a LOT of emotional and mental baggage that I've been carrying, simply by dumping my philosophical ramblings and self-pep-talks/ self-criticisms on Docs. And that's why, in spite of me not focusing as much on this big project, I feel like it's been important for me to get these thoughts out. They could be potential ideas for books, comics, short stories etc.

BUT needless to say, it is a reason that I can't stay focused on one chapter after another. I have four chapters left, and I keep bouncing back and forth between them. Because, spoiler, my last couple chapters are going to be as trippy as a drug trip. I'm gonna incorporate elements similar to Doctor Strange, Quantumania and Spiderverse.

But overall, I'm going to listen to my Muse, and strike while the iron's totally blitzed. 👍 I feel like, if I try to force myself to work on a chapter or drawing, I'll lose passion for it. It's not fizzling out, it's just on the backburner, collecting flavor and thoroughly cooking.

(N*S*F*W*): A slightly more... Embarrassing reason, is that, because I'm over-imaginative and horny on main, my libido also gets massively enhanced by edibles 50% of the time. So I end up dumping some of the naughtiest concepts I've ever had about my OCs or canon characters, or absolutely paralyzing myself with lee/switch moods by listening to songs, playing spooky games, watching videos with Ler vibes, that all activate my fear kink & tickle kink. And it's... A very good outlet. I may never share some of these writings, but it's helped me get over that last bit of shame I've carried with me ever since the first Tumblr purge and since the "ew kinky people r gross, tickling shouldn't be s3xual" uprising of SFW tickle blogs.

BUT ALL IN ALL, I do take CBD for legitimate anxiety reasons. My anxiety meds have not done shit since this January, when everything at work started going to hell. CBD relaxes my body and actually helps me fall asleep like nothing else ever has.

Meanwhile being on sativa and caffeine can keep me up til 6 in the morning. Like right now as I'm writing this. 😃 But again, it gets the huge dam of thoughts to break and flow freely.

So yeah. Weed has been better therapy for me than actual therapy. For thirty fucking years of my life, I have been desperate to find some kind of coping mechanism, or outlet, or medicine, to help my disorders. And these edibles, along with my antidepressant and creative mind, have worked together pretty damn nicely. And I can now say along with MANY of my friends and peers, fuck anyone who says that medical marijuana should not be legal. Hell, imo recreational weed should also be legal just about everywhere in certain doses, but I'm not gonna get into politics.

I understand if you don't personally approve of the use of recreational drugs. But please, if you're going to judge me, or anyone who uses weed to help calm their mental issues, kindly keep it to yourself. I don't want another situation where an abusive fuckhead tried to mock a friend of mine for smoking pot. Or a dude on a server I'm modding getting childishly preachy about how everyone who uses it will end up fucked in the head and that proper diet and exercise is the cure-all for mental issues.

I'm a grown adult, I know my limits. Sometimes I slip a little and take them 4 nights in a row. Other times I take them maybe twice a week. But I know myself well enough to know that when I set a boundary for myself, I'm fucking stubborn about not breaking it. IF I feel myself slipping, I will reach out for legit help. I also know I can't blow too much money on eddies each month. But I need yall to understand that I've needed this.

TL;DR: I've been taking cannabis edibles and it's helping redirect my mind into places that I didn't realize I needed to explore, and it's been very helpful to me physically and emotionally, so I'd rather go with the flow and not force myself to work on my projects.

So, either way, if you've read this, thank you so much for sticking around. ❤

[rennebright]

It's been almost a month since my grandma passed away and it all still feels so... surreal.

It's not like we hadn't seen it coming, she was 86 years old and 3 years into chemotherapy, up until they discovered the tumor she had always been a strong and working woman but the surgery coupled with the beginning of the pandemic left her with almost nothing to do on a daily basis. And I was well aware how active and energetic she was, I was by her side for these last 5 years, first working under her and then directly doing her work when the chemo had affected her to a degree she couldn't properly focus, and towards the end being by her side if she needed anything, accompanying her to the hospital almost weekly, while free, Mexican healthcare isn't exactly efficient on its patients, it was mentally and physically exhausting simply going there but she never gave up hope, her body never gave up.

So after spending a good 5th of my life always by her side, now not having to worry about her is such an oddly empty feeling, I'm glad she's resting in peace, these last few months were particularly rough, but it's empty not going downstairs anymore to see her napping, calling me over on clear nights to look at the moon, hearing about her childhood and relatives that i never even met, while I wouldn't call her a cheerful person exactly, she loved things dearly, she didn't look back in melancholy, but rather glad that whatever happened was part of her, for better or for worse, fitting for someone that lived through so much, always helped by the people around her.

I thanked her for all she did for me weeks before we even knew about the tumor, I readied myself for the day it'd happen, expected myself to cry, but I have yet to shed a single tear, it's not that it didn't affect me, clearly, but rather knowing that she lived and died as painlessly as she'd have wanted, the last conscious words we heard from her was that she wasn't in pain, that was such a relief, I simply hoped that'd carry over until her last breath.

When a doctor told us that she was in a natural comatose state and she couldn't reason or react as she'd want to anything going around her I knew it wouldn't be long, all my family did. Her siblings came together for one last goodbye, shared some words of gratitude, one last hug, and one last goodnight. I remember holding her hand abd comforting her, she'd throw her hand around, even punching me a couple times, it was clear that even if she was ready to go, her body wouldn't give up. But fittingly enough, she passed away in her sleep that night.

Funerary services went without issue, she had had the foresight to arrange all of that beforehand, so it was seamless, but once we came back home it's all felt so at peace yet eerily chaotic, she might have not left her bed for much for the last few months, but the house feels unequivocally colder.

I don't know where I was going with this, I guess I made that post asking for help back when the tumor was detected, maybe I felt the need to tell this, leave a record about her.

She turned that 6 month life expectancy into 3 years of fulfilling effort and perseverance, 86 years as a mother figure for more people than she ever realized, came to terms with mortality and how long she could stand, and yet, her body never gave up.

A picture of the last day I feel she was genuinely happy and content, new year's 2023, surrounded by her family and a night before her condition overall took a turn for the worse.

[psychelis-new]

hi,

I choose personal readings. I have two questions but since you will only choose I to answer, please decide for me : Q1) when will I become financially independent by achieving what I want to achieve

Q2) how is the personality of my future spouse

Feedback on one of your reading: "encouraging words you need to hear" reading resonated with me a lot. I came across this when I was feeling defeated tired & low key wanted to give up. The reading suggested me to take a break , I took a 5 day long break and honestly I'm feeling much better now & willing to start again :) I needed to hear it bc I was close to giving up. Thank you.

Two random emojis : ❤️🌌

Hello and thanks for joining! Also thank you for sending your feedback. I'm glad the reading helped you taking such an important decision as taking time for you and prioritizing your mental health so to be able to endure the hard moment and not give up. :)

I was unsure as well in choosing your question, also because timing in tarots is not easy to predict with great accuracy and it depends on different factors. Yes, I did a pac on it, but as stated in the disclaimer it mostly wanted to bring y'all comfort and give you an idea of a period of your life (which could also be "when you stop stressing yourself" or something like that, so basically nothing set in stone as depends on each person). This said, I think I will go with the second one.

Your fs may be someone who likes to be in control. They seem overall balanced both in how they behave and in what they do (they may also have more than one job or maybe be involved in something else outside their job like a side career with a friend or an association of some kind). They look both nurturing and fiery, pretty decise. They seem to be meticulous in all they do and this also brought them where they are (I think they do have a very good career and life, overall, something involving money prolly). But it may also be cause of some deception or illusion they had to deal with in the past: this made them develop some mild control issue (nothing big though it seems). They are not being really aware of this or not confronting their pain so they cannot really change that alone but with help they will make it for sure, I think they'll find ways to open up with you about it. (For a minute I thought this last part about deception could relate to you too tbh) Anyway, they seem to be someone very nice too at their core, they just may not look sweet at a first glance i.e. you may think whatever (sexy, hot, determined...) but not that they are sweet as for their look and vibe.

All the best, take care!

[thatadhdfeel]

hi. i'm sorry for dropping my shit here, i just don't really have anyone i can talk to about my mental state at any given time. i'm bipolar, and i knew i had entered a dep episode for about 2 weeks, but i've been hitting rock bottom pretty hard for at least 5 days now. i wanted to go to the psyc' ER the other day but the one person i asked to come with me couldn't. i've been trying to sedate myself with meds as much as possible but it when it begins to fade it just.. yeah. 1/

i don't know. i just needed to put it out there i guess. especially because i tend to try to hide it as much as possible. a few of my colleagues were absent this week because they were ill, and i'm scared to take a sick leave, because i already took two since the start of september. i already feel so useless &worthless at my job, i fear it might give them an excuse to get rid of me. and i'm scared to add to the stigma surrounding bipolarity. and i'm scared to get fired if my bosses find out. /2

and i can't really think at the moment either. my mind goes blank all the time, i have this massive fog inside my head. i can't stop the voices in my head when they say i'm a piece of garbage and i'm just so tired, mentally and physically. i'm just overall scared, i guess. i don't want to spend the rest of my life dealing with this fucked up brain of mine. i'm exhausted. anyway, sorry... i hope you're okay, have a nice day /3

i’m sorry it probably wasn’t the place either, i just saw a few post with bipolar tags so i assumed… i’m sorry… /4

hey! sorry i took so long to answer. first and foremost, you never have to apologize for an ask like this.

i’m bipolar (recently diagnosed - no diagnosis as one or two yet, but i’m way closer to two. my psych is more of a believer in the “bipolar spectrum” which i agree with.) i know this is an adhd blog but it’s totally okay that you reached out. i don’t mind at all. :)

unfortunately the stigma is very real and heavy. but honestly most people aren’t apt enough to realize someone is bipolar imo. even doctors sometimes don’t recognize it. a lot of people assume it’s unipolar depression. if i’ve learned anything in life it’s that many people, honestly, are paying more attention to themselves.

balancing mental health with a job can be extremely tricky and it’s very unfortunate that we have to. sadly we do live under capitalism, which is a huge stressor on mental health. but please put yourself first. if you have to make up an excuse, go for it. your life is more important. ( and if something happens and you need resumé help, i’m pretty good at them and will provide services for free, if you’re comfortable with that.)

i would also like to make sure - when you refer to sedating with meds, is this under a doctors supervision? i assume if you have meds you’re seeing one - apologies if this is wrong - but communicating with them is extremely important. perhaps an adjustment is needed. i am not a doctor, i want to emphasize that. i’ve just had similar experiences and found frequent adjustments to be necessary.

i’m sorry they couldn’t come to the ER. is there anyone else you can go with? if not - please try to go anyways if you feel like you need it. i know that’s way easier said than done. but the world is a better place with you in it. i know you don’t feel like that right now, but i promise it’s true.

bipolar solidarity, and i hope you feel better soon. ❤️

[mamatayto]

Ya know; I'll admit that it sucks and hurts to not have my childhood best friend in my life anymore. Another broken piece of losing and leaving everything behind to start a new life, to start over with my husband and kids.

Sucks that she believes lies and rumors from others that I'd steal from her like that. The most comfortable person to talk to about any and everything just gone and moving on enjoying her own life. Having nothing she would ever want to share or say to me again other than bitterness and anger of her own.

Ya know what hurts most about not having her in my life anymore? All the things we said we would share together as children that are now gone. What hurts the most other than NOT being able to share my failures, tragedies, and victories with her; is the emptiness left inside knowing the amount of years we would just talk talk talk talk and fantasize about being aunites and being there for when we have children finally... and their very first aunt to love is just gone.

When she thought she had proof of my stealing from her, she told me she was done and blocked me everywhere. I told her I don't have time for that kind of drama right then, and that if she blocked me and chose to reject me she wouldn't be allowed to take it back this time. I even let her know albeit angrily that I had been asked out, and was going to leave state to start my life over and have babies finally. I just KNEW he was the one who would get me pregnant and father my babies. And she didn't even care due to her own sense of betrayal and anger. Now my 2 beautiful babies are here and she is not. I often day dream about her driving up on weekends just to hang out with the kids. Chatting and chilling like we used to.. except with the kids. She would really love them both....

What hurts the most is what she is missing out on now.

But.. she is moving on and making her own happiness in the world which is fantastic.

Ya know ... it was really hard the day my son was born. March 24th. All I really wanted to do was video call her to show him to her and talk about how odd and wonderful it was that my second child was born in the same month as she is.

Or to talk to her about every struggle of parenting and living with my in-laws.

It hurts and is sad she gave that all up. But as long as she's happy it was worth it.

I love you always no matter what Jammie... I'm no longer watching you and following your posts. You know how to reach out to me. I won't reach out since I'm not the one who blocked and walked away. But I am sorry for the way things happened.

That being said...

My new life couldn't be better too. I'm with a loving and nurturing man who doesn't hit me and slam me against fridges when he is drunk or had a bad day. He actually pays attention to my moods, and actively WANTS me around. Took him awhile to get there, but also defends me against his parents. Finally starting to be on the same page with me on parenting. Living with two toxic in-laws hasn't been easy, and being molested by my father inlaw has made living here very difficult mentally and emotionally. We are moving into our very own and first rental house mid May, which I cannot wait for in layers of reasons. It hasn't been perfect or easy, and nothing in life is... but overall I couldn't be happier and remain focused on being a stay at home mom for now. I won't be a working mom for awhile yet.

Still trying to learn to drive. Having a he'll of a time just passing the multiple choice test yet, especially when there are differences from state to state. When living in Oregon I was 2 questions away from passing. Now though? Now I'm lucky to score 42%! But as soon as I'm driving I get to do all sorts of things including take up an Instacart Driver job.

Just being a mom of 2 so young, and house wife keeps me crazy busy.

But I do love my life now. And my family.

I don't know why trying out poly was so important to me I'm my past. Maybe because I wanted to be loved the way I needed without having to leave what I already had. Idk. But it wasn't for me or right. I'm relieved and blessed to be with a man happy to only have 1 woman in his life. In fact when I found a couple potential women to play with he got mad and asked me if he isn't enough for me. I was confused because what man doesn't want 2 women st the same time for fun? But it's MY man who don't care about that shit. Lucky me honestly~♡

Even though you won't talk to me Jammie, I'm glad we are both moving forward and mostly happy now. That makes all the pain and distance worth it.

[spaceorphanssecondbreakfastclub]

SO's Bookclub : The Kidnapping of Christina Lattimore

Title: The Kidnapping of Christina Lattimore Author: Joan Lowery Nixon Genre: YA Mystery

Goodreads Summary: She spots the masked man in the dark, lonely parking lot ‒ but too late. Grabbed and drugged, Christina is kidnapped and held for ransom. When her family pays, she thinks her ordeal is over. But then she realizes that her family thinks she planned the kidnapping! How will Christina prove her innocence?

Review:

So... I'm guessing you've never heard of Joan Lowery Nixon? She was a YA writer most prominently in the 70s and 80s -- and one of the few mystery writers for YA back when I was picking these books up in the early-to-mid 90s. I remember when these thriller-ish books were the rage, and I found these books more interesting than the really terrible RL Stine Fear Street books or the full of questionable content that were authors like Lois Duncan.

I recently dusted off my collection and thought it might be interesting to read through then since I haven't picked one of these things up in probably over twenty years. Look - it only took me an hour and a half to read, so it wasn't like it was a taxing venture.

Was this Edgar Allan Poe Award Winning book any good? No, not really.

For context, I should state that it was written in 1979 -- and the world was a different place over forty years ago. I do think that the people in this world are particularly dumb all the way around, but I think it has more credibility in the late 1970s.

The story focuses around Christina Lattimore -- a 16yo rich girl living in Houston. On the one hand - she lives in this intolerant uber-Christina household where she can't go on a trip to France because they're studying the influence of Catholicism and where the mother is almost like some sort of weird, Stepford Wife. On the other - Christina's characterization is all over the place -- one minute she's freaking out, the other minute she's fine. She's definitely got that whiny teenager mentality going on -- but there's zero nuance to her, and it all feels a bit unjointed.

Christina is kidnapped -- and this is the part I remember as kid. There's something frightening about being captured and not being able to escape. Now - I think this whole book has an interesting premise in general, but I think with better writing, this could have been an even more unsettling thriller. There's something about it that reminds me of all those stories we've all heard about this time period and young women getting locked up for whatever ungodly reason. The book doesn't dive too deeply into the kidnapping portion, which feels like a missed opportunity now.

The second half of the book deals with Christina being blamed for the kidnapping, and her trying to prove she's innocent. Now. Okay. This is where I really just can't. Nearly all of the adults in this book are dumb. Just. So dumb. No one believes Christina -- why? Uh... cause there's no evidence? It couldn't be because her kidnappers forced her to say and do things to make it appear that way. Also - the ransom money was split in half. I mean -- it blows my mind that no one would take this child's side -- with the exception of a college student (who randomly shows up half way through the book) who more or less is exploiting the situation. The fact that Christina's family doubts her story is just kind of crazy to me.

The mystery of who the third person involved and set it all up gets played out - but I don't think it's that much of a reveal. And the book seems to preoccupied with Christina dealing with her feelings than really solving the mystery.

Also - I should note that the book is both overwritten and underwritten. There's almost too much detail at times making the book feel sluggish at times. At the same time - the book kind of rushes through all of its plot points -- as there's just not a lot of plot to do much with.

Overall - it's about what you'd expect from an average YA book from the late-70s. I can't really recommend it -- unless you're wanting to know what books were like during this time period. And - it doesn't have enough outlandishly bad content making it worth reading for entertainment's sake. I remembered enough that it really wasn't one of my favorites back when I was 12-ish and reading these. And now I remember why.

Rating : 2.5 Stars

[nelll101]

Shin sekai yori (ep. 15,21,24,25)

This show is really thought provoking and had me pretty shocked at the end. Overall there are a lot of things in this show that doesn't make it perfect or the best, but, it was enjoyable and something I will never forget. I also wanted to mention that the music in the show is amazing.

I've watched the rest of the episodes after 14 in full so again, this post is pretty late but we find out the truth about the monster rats, their motive for their actions, and who they truly are. We find out basically everyone around Saki and Sakuro are dead. Shun is kind of confusing because I think he's dead but living through Saki's mind because he is speaking to her in her head but i'm not sure. Maria and Mamoru got killed by the monster rats and they took their child and raised it like its own, creating an "ogre". We find out their child is not an ogre but a regular human who was grown up made to believe so. Maria’s child shows how easily someones perception of themselves can change because of someone else. It’s seen in the real world. If you have people around you that are telling you something about yourself constantly, eventually you will believe it.

Saki states in episode 23 that our power constantly leaks through the filter of our conscious mind and seeps into the world. This was her repeating what Shun stated to her. I don't fully understand what he meant by that but I might have to watch the show over again to fully understand what Shun was saying when Saki went to see him in that alternate world they were in.

Maria in a couple episodes before stated, "They treat us like we’re defective products to be thrown away like we’re not even human/like defective pottery thrown away." It is shown that these children think that the adults think of children as trash which could even be compared to the monster rats as squealer himself stated something like that. The humans treat them like slaves and nothing and in episode 24 it is found out that the monster rats whole plan was to overthrow the humans through acquiring nuclear weapons, and ruling in their place. The only reason they are allowed to exist in the first place is because they are willing to be subservient and swear their loyalty and allegiance to the human race. The rats are fighting to free their entire race from the oppression from humans. The monster rats rebelled because they are not slaves, although it may seem like they have free will they only have free will under conditions of the humans. As squealer explained himself in the cage I started to understand him a bit and feel bad for him. They just couldn’t take the improper power balance that was bestowed on them forcefully and getting treated like nothing but in the end the way he went about things was just not right. But that also leads to the question of what differentiates right and wrong. I believe in this world in the show, the adults tried to make it black and white but as the truth started to come out it became mixed up and there was no true meaning of a right or wrong choice.

In the ending, we find that monster rats are actually humans that were injected with genes of rats (I think) so basically they were killing their own kind and Saki ends up going through this slight mental breakdown of question herself and her own kind of what type of people they really are. She has a conversation with squealers remains and it is a bittersweet moment which she then puts him out of his misery. At the end we really realize how compassionate and a good person Saki is.

In the last scene we see that Saki and Sakuro are together now and pregnant, where she says "from an object to fear, into that of hope". Saki wants her child to grow up in a good and better world than what she's lived. She has lived almost her whole life in fear, and now that fear has turned to hope for her new child.

[ooc-themis-cattails]

Today I was listening to a speaker who said, "We talk about the separation of church and state," and went on to talk about the separation of church and school.

Whoa! For her this was an obvious mental leap. For me it was a completely different island. In contemporary society, we have schools run by either church or state. And we have schools not run by either, which might be the best way.

I've been in both, and honestly I was more brainwashed by public school. (For the record, I had a wonderful experience in Catholic school; I felt like the teachers treated us better and cared more about our overall well-being; but I know this isn't a universal thing. If you're thinking about replying with how much you hate Catholic school, don't bother, I've heard it a thousand times already. I'm not saying your school was good; I'm saying mine was. Moreover I'm saying that my public state-run school, though it was considered a good school in a state that ranks with high standards, was awful.)

When I was in convent school, it was obvious and deliberate when they taught their biases; they owned it, acknowledged it, and even though they wanted us to agree with them, they wanted us to know that their bias was part of their Catholicism and special to it. They wanted us to be part of that, but they wanted us to do it deliberately, with intention. We knew why it was there and what it was about. That meant that we could leave it behind if we wanted, because we knew what it was.

On the other hand, public educators think they're objective but are often unaware of their own biases. There are still all kinds of poltical and legal pressures on what they teach-- not just sanitized history, but all kinds of special interests behind the scenes; not just political issues, but corporate interests too. It's crawling with pressures and biases that claim to be objective because not partisan. And some of that is because it's run by the government, although some of it is just that everyone's biased and you have to be taught by somebody.

Yet public schools project an attitude of false objectivity. I came away from public high school with specific ideas about what my civic duty had to be and what kind of adult I was supposed to be, and it took me decades to locate them, to deconstruct those attitudes and realize that they just came from influences at school, and that the reason they didn't sit well with me or work well in my life were that they were just biases and opinions, and not necessarily the truth of society or how it had to be run. Because the influences were there, but everyone is super in denial of them, and there's this idea that public school works really hard to be free of bias, and not a whole lot of admission that it badly, perhaps inevitably, fails.

Couldn't we give kids a little bit of each? There are strong positive arguments to be made for having kids spend some time in state-run schools-- just as there are also strong positive arguments to be made for church schools. But maybe kids shouldn't be going exclusively to state schools, especially if state schools are trying so hard to be unbiased that they give kids the impression that they really are. Yet.. I imagine that private non-religious academies aren't unbiased either.

Maybe the right thing to be doing is having kids learn from multiple schools that are not all run by the same school board or the same district. There is an argument against forcing them to change schools and split up with their peers, but if there were some kind of rotation system where entire classes moved together, it would be no different from what we have now. And I certainly would not object to having them all spend a given year at state schools, and having them spend time in private schools of their parents' choice (religious or not), because these things are also education that people suffer from missing out on.

We can't remove the bias from schools, but we can make sure they get more than one competing bias. And state schools are biased for sure-- towards the whitewashing of our nation and government-- in ways that I know public history teachers personally chafe at being required to follow.

[hypergamiss]

I'm the one with best friend drama. She's on day 3 of ignoring me. The car ride after the gathering was silent. I tried to talk to her and she just said " I don't want to talk about it."

Recapping her behavior this weekend and her refusal to communicate like an adult has me considering some things. Besides the comment she was just being an overall Debby downer this weekend. Sitting in the corner judging everyone. Audibly stating that she thought my other friends were boring. Making me leave early because she was literally about to throw a tantrum as her "social battery was going to die". Her mental health has been declining for a while and she recently told me that her baseline mood is just dread and gloomy despite taking medication. She doesn't believe in therapy and stopped going after 3 sessions. She has also started drinking again after being sober since January.

At the beginning of this year I started therapy, anti depressants, and actively removing habits, people or things that made me unhappy. I am just now feeling the effects and I've been optimistic everyday for the past 4 months 😊This is me thawing out from a several years long depressive episode.

What bothers me about her current silent treatment is that she used to drag my ex when he'd do it to me over trivial arguments. He would ignore me for weeks while leaving my pathetic texts on read. When she found this out she called this behavior emotional abuse. He's been gone for about 2 years and now she wants to act like this. She is well aware of what her behavior does to me. I also took note that she decided to act like this now that it's clear my mood and my life are consistently improving.

They say misery loves company. She was there through all the trauma I've experienced the past few years. So I don't feel right ending our friendship or distancing myself when it's her turn for support, but I just don't have the bandwidth to sit in her negative energy anymore. For a while, we were each others only friend. Now I spend my weekends doing rounds visiting all the great people I've met in the past year.

This isn't even about what she said about my boyfriend anymore. It's deeper than that. I think it's about me entering a new chapter and struggling to decide if I should keep people or move on. Her silence has allowed me to take note of all that's been going on.

"Making me leave early because she was literally about to throw a tantrum as her "social battery was going to die"."

Misery always loves company😭

"She doesn't believe in therapy and stopped going after 3 sessions. She has also started drinking again after being sober since January."

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, I really hope she turns her life around soon and takes her mental health serious so she can get better.

"At the beginning of this year I started therapy, anti depressants, and actively removing habits, people or things that made me unhappy. I am just now feeling the effects and I've been optimistic everyday for the past 4 months 😊This is me thawing out from a several years long depressive episode."

In case someone hasn't told you already, I AM PROUD OF YOU!!

"He's been gone for about 2 years and now she wants to act like this. She is well aware of what her behavior does to me. I also took note that she decided to act like this now that it's clear my mood and my life are consistently improving."

Ooofff, good observation on your behalf... It hurts to realize someone you care about wants to drag you down, even if they don't realize they're doing it.

"She was there through all the trauma I've experienced the past few years. So I don't feel right ending our friendship or distancing myself when it's her turn for support, but I just don't have the bandwidth to sit in her negative energy anymore."

I do understand your sentiment with wanting to be there for her, and I too would want to if I was in your shoes. The thing is that when she was supporting you, I doubt you made it hard for her to support you the way she is with you right now (unless I'm wrong obviously). Unless you were trying to make her just as miserable as you were during that time period, I think you have every right to take a step back and avoid the emotional abuse that she seems to be inflicting on you (intentional or not).

"I think it's about me entering a new chapter and struggling to decide if I should keep people or move on. Her silence has allowed me to take note of all that's been going on."

It takes two people to make any type of relationship work. If you're the only one actively putting in effort, it's time to respect yourself enough to move on. Hopefully with time things get better and who knows maybe there will be another chapter in your lives in the future where she fits right in again. Life is never linear. Sometimes silence is louder than all the words a person could have said to you😓

[meowzfordayz]

T !!! 🗣️ HII !!! 🗣️

I’m finally stopping by again after being dead for such a lonnngggg time 😭🥹

I started off by rereading your last response to me, which was super heartwarming (very much older sibling vibes 🥹💜), and I can now say I did end up passing the AP Chem exam!! I got a 3, which I was SO relieved to see that I passed 😅😅

I’m now taking AP Bio tho, along with 3 other APs, so I’m back to square one again… And our first unit is covering chem, which ASDJFJSJS *war flashbacks* 😔

Prom was alrighttt; the boy drama didn’t turn out the best for one of my friends during the middle of the event 😬 (very complicated, as most teen drama often is LMAO), but it’s fine now for the most part. I’m happy we at least had fun dressing up and dancing together ☺️

Aside from that, ty for all the lovely advice/support and positive vibes you gave (it means a lot)!! 💜💜

I also want to say that I’m so sorry I was inactive all summer! 😔 Imma be honest, mine didn’t go the best.. Nothing bad happened thankfully, but my mental state took a pretty steep nosedive, mostly due to the looming knowledge of this being the last year of my childhood (legally), time flying by way too fast, and the upcoming stress of college apps 😓

However, near the end of the summer I watched the movie Soul for the first time (just by chance), which actually resonated so deeply with me?? I’m so grateful I watched it because it genuinely helped pull me out of the state of limbo I was in, and I’ve can honestly say I’ve been doing much better since then (it definitely hammered home a lot of the advice you gave as well 🫶). A bit cheesy, but nonetheless ironically fitting for what it was lmao 😅

Now, how have you been??? I scrolled down a little to see that you injured your knee?! 😰

Super glad it wasn’t a torn ACL, but a sprain it still quite inconvenient and painful (been there 😔). Remember to take it easy and rest, and I hope it heals soon 😤

Other than that, hope you’ve been well overall? 🥹

- 💜

Hii bby !!!!! 🤯😍 I'm so glad you weren't actually dead, and am thrilled to see you in my inbox again !!!!! 😂🫶🏽 You've nothing to apologize for inactivity wise; you had a lot going on, which is 100% understandable! 😵‍💫 I haven't watched Soul, but I liked its trailers, and am happy it accomplished what I (personally) feel art should — made you feel something !! 🥺

Congratulations on passing AP Chem !! 🥳🤓 I only took 2 AP classes in high school (Language & Composition + Government), and didn't take any of the official exams (I did get A's in the classes themselves tho), and I purposely avoided the STEM AP classes lmao — props to you !! 😤😎

Prom and drama seems like an appropriate (albeit unfortunate) combo 🥴, but I'm relieved that everything's generally ~okay! 😮‍💨 I hope you yourself had a drama free and enjoyable night? 😅 What color was your outfit? 👀

My knee's doing well, albeit still a bit stiff, and I can def tell when I've accidentally pushed it too much throughout the day (i.e. walking too fast + standing for too long). 🤪 Besides that, I'm basically just on the semester grind: classes, work, hw, writing, exercising, and hanging out w/ my bf + friends. 🫨

Sending you fabulous Friday vibes, and a bonus bowl of pho! 🍜💝