#I'm honestly quite proud of this! woo

[caluupin]

ARCHONS TO SEND OFF THE YEAR!!! (kind of a redraw from last year's September)

[king-wyrmwood-art]

Kitsuneisi Art Study!

This is an art study of @kitsuneisi, using mostly references from their tumblr. I wanted to do an art study and was super excited for the new DDVAU update so woo!

I've written some notes in the margins of each drawing and would love to go more in-depth about both our styles and the general process, but this post would be so incredibly long so I'll refrain for now. (I might break it up into separate parts and turn this into a master list one day).

This first three are the base of any art study: leaning the proportions and sketching style of the artist! The first image is from @xmaruu11's first Twitch stream, which I discovered a few days in my study and watched to get a sense of Kitsuneisi's sketching style.

The main difference between our styles is that Kitsuneisi's poses are more fluid and they draw the face first, whereas my poses are stiffer and I drawn the head first.

Kitsuneisi and I use different drawing programs, so I couldn't quite make a brush that matched theirs; from looking at their Valentine's comic (which I chose so that colours wouldn't distract me), I noticed the line variation lent a lot to the fluidity.

Colour theory my beloathed! While I was laying out the colours for the Scar drawing, I noticed that the blue Kitsuneisi used was very warm-toned. In almost all of the light-hearted scenes, they use warm colours or warm-tinted colours, while the more serious scenes use darker or cooler tones.

The lighter, warmer backgrounds in the office scenes/G being a simp give a more wholesome feel, while the darker backgrounds in serious moments give a more intense atmosphere.

Now, all that's great, but it's time to put it into practice!

For my sketch, I tried to use a more dynamic pose and focus on making the face a focal point.

In my lineart, I tried to vary my line thickness.

For the flat colours, I used mostly warm tones and tried to match the colours used in the comics, but my love of cool tones took over the Mother Spore wings. I think it makes a nice contrast, at least.

And the final image! (I'll be posting it separately). The background adds a better contrast and helps Grian stand out despite how dark some of the colours are. I'm honestly very proud of this piece and hope both Kitsuneisi and Maru like it too. :)

[astarion-approves]

Hello! I love your blog! Could you possibly do a drabble with a tav that gets really flustered/panics when flirted with or complimented trying to converse with Astarion?

Even I was swooning

Astarion x Gender Neutral Tav

Summary: They knew that he would just be standing there… handsomely. Flicking through the pages of his book, the contents of which were unknown to Tav but they liked to imagine it was a steamy romance novel. Those flame filled eyes scanning over the pages, uncaring of what anyone else did with their evenings. Until he caught Tav staring that is. (Or Astarion uses cheesy pickup lines to try and woo Tav) Tags: Love Confessions, Flustered Tav, Soft Astarion, Attempt at Humor, Fluff, Bickering, Drabble, Tumblr request, Cheesy, cheesy pickup lines, all of which I'm very proud of, gender neutral reader, 1.2k words

Read below or on Ao3

While, after a day of killing goblins and fighting a hag in a swamp, a night at camp sounded like a relief for most; that wasn’t the case for Tav. They busied themselves, building a fire, carefully stacking each piece of wood while keeping their eyes low and forcing themselves not to look up to where Astarion stood. 

They knew that he would just be standing there… handsomely. Flicking through the pages of his book, the contents of which were unknown to Tav but they liked to imagine it was a steamy romance novel. Those flame filled eyes scanning over the pages, uncaring of what anyone else did with their evenings. 

Until he caught Tav staring that is. 

Each night was the same. Tav would stack spare logs nearby, build a fire on their knees, and help Gale to set up any cooking supplies, all while desperately fighting the urge to look up and lock eyes with Astarion. And each night they failed miserably.  

Astarion knew the moment Tav’s eyes were on him, his eyes jumping up from the pages and staring right back at them, a smirk growing on his lips and he snapped the book closed. Then he would stroll over, running a hand through his hair and swapping that smirk for a charming smile. 

Then the flirting would begin. A different line every night, each one cheesier than the last, but still managing to make Tav blush—

“Is that fire hot? Or is it just you?” 

“I do love seeing you on your knees, darling.” 

“You handle that wood quite well.”

“Is something burning? No? Perhaps it’s just your burning loins.” 

Of course tonight was no different. Tav cursed to themselves as Astarion made his way over. They would always attempt to ignore him, to pretend that they never locked eyes and that Tav didn’t notice him approaching. Gale stood off to the side, the wizard prepping their dinner and already accustomed to the little game that Astarion loved to play. He sighed as he chopped a few potatoes, mumbling under his breath how Tav lasted even shorter than usual. 

The crunching of boots over rocks and dirt signaled his arrival, but Tav kept their eyes on the fire, refusing to look up—

For as long as they could manage anyway. 

“Tav, If you inhale too much smoke, I’ll gladly give you CPR.” 

“What?!” Gale turned from his prepping and tossed his knife to the side. “Astarion, that one doesn’t even make sense!” 

“Mind your business, Gale.” Tav finally looked up to where he stood, Astarion now glaring at Gale with his arms crossed over his chest. “Or well.. I mean.. Honestly, I’m running out of pickup lines here. I’d like to see you come up with something better.” 

“How about ‘Stop, drop, and… roll into bed with me?” Gale offered. 

“Hm. Too forward. I try to be more subtle with Tav, but.. I can understand why someone like you would use a line like that.” 

“Right……. Because offering mouth to mouth is much more subtle.” 

“I’m so glad we could agree!” 

Gale rolled his eyes and turned back to the vegetables. “Just get on with it, would you?” 

Astarion brought his focus back to Tav, silently offering a hand to help them stand. “You know, if you didn’t get so damn flustered I wouldn’t have to do this every night.” 

Tav laughed, their eyes dropping to the ground between them. “I can’t help it… you’re so—“

“—Devilishly handsome, unbelievably charming, an elf with a smile to die for—“

Gale snorted. “A pompous ass—“

Astarion ignored him. “Luscious hair, pouty kissable lips—“

“—Yes, yes, all of those things… Minus the pompous ass,” Tav said and paused. They pressed their lips together, thinking a moment before continuing. “Well, maybe a little bit of a pompous ass.” 

“So then, what’s the problem here?” Astarion gestured between them, his arms waving back and forth quickly. “I like you, and darling, you clearly like me…” 

“Astarion..,” Tav began. “You’re so far out of my league… I can’t help but think there is some kind of ulterior motive for you to be showing so much interest in me.” 

“I assure you, there isn’t. Not… Well, not anymore anyway.” 

“‘Not anymore’?” Gale asked. “What the hells is that supposed to mean?” 

“Gale, why don’t you scurry the fuck along and leave us to it?” Astarion hissed. 

“Oh, I’m enjoying this far too much. If I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re about to confess your love for them, and I’m not missing out on that.” 

“Yes, but—“

“Then confess already, Mystra help you, you’re hopeless…”

“Look,” Astarion sighed and turned his attention fully to Tav, ignoring the laugh that Gale sent his way. “I’ve never had actual real feelings for another person before. I don’t know how to approach a person without the intent of stealing them away for Cazador’s benefit. When I first met you I planned to use you, to have you as some kind of shield if he were to ever find me… But then.. I fell for you. 

“And of course, not knowing how to woo someone without using my body… I went the cheesy pickup lines route. Which I know isn’t exactly endearing, or really attractive… I just didn’t know how else to interact with you! I want you to be comfortable with me, to trust me like I trust you… 

“And darling, since I’m being honest here— you are in no way below me. Do you seriously not know how painfully attractive you are? I’ve been losing my mind with desire since day one. The way you smile at me and make me feel like the most important man in the world, how you run to my side for so much as a hangnail, when you laugh at my jokes, or blush just from my gaze—

“I’ve fallen so madly in love with you, it pains me to think of a life without you, and we haven’t so much as hugged…— um Tav? Are you alright?” 

Their hands covered their face, shaking their head as the heat continued to build in their cheeks. This was too much for them to handle. The occasional flirting was already playing games with their heart, but now? A full confession? “I might— I might need a minute.” 

“I think you broke them,” Gale moved to stand beside Astarion and reached out to poke the back of Tav’s hand. 

Astarion did the same, both of them just poking at the back of Tav’s hands— until they crouched down to avoid them, dropping their head between their knees and muffling a scream into their pants. 

“That was a hell of a confession,” Gale admitted. “Even I was swooning.” 

“Why thank you.” 

“Now what?” 

Astarion hummed. “I’m not sure.” 

“Want me to cast a spell on them or something?” 

Astarion waved him off. “Darling.” Astarion bent down and ran his hand down the back of Tav’s head. “You did hear that I love you, didn’t you?” 

“Yes,” they mumbled. “And I love you too.” 

“Well then, I suppose that’s that.” Gale laughed. “Maybe now they’ll stop melting into a damn puddle around you.” 

“Hah! I doubt it.”

------------

Later~

Gale: Before, you said you wanted to be more subtle.

Astarion: Yes?

Gale: But one night you insinuated that you wanted Tav to give you a blow job.

Astarion: …..

Gale: …..

Astarion: …I didn't want to admit that I liked your pick-up line.

Gale: HAHA! I knew it! I win.

Astarion: One of us has Tav napping in their tent, looking adorable as ever. Who's the real winner?

Gale: …Touché.

[chiikasevennn]

(this has topics of murder and yandere.....and stuff PLS DELETE IF URE NOT COMFY IM SORRY HUHUHU)

haia omg i have no idea if you're still open or no but i really like whenever writers dive into the more darker aspects of a character or how especially when a process of basically ascending to something what you would consider non human (monarch in this case) and how this affects a character like does this make them less humane or posssiblllyy twist their morals??

like as we can see with jinwoo his morals is err well yeah there but we can see times where he is willing to commit crimes if the time calls it (often the system forcing him to it) but like what happens when he finally swallows the system as a whole?? LIKE since now there is no third party to force him to do murder or what not will his way of thinking change too? like i imagine when he first murdered the guys in the cave very early on in the series you think that maybe he thought that it wasn't that bad..??

I can honestly see it more if it was another scenario and we add in the aspect of the reader or I'll call [name] whwhw.. I feel like Jinwoo is the type to actually lose his sense of humanity just for the sake of [name] or keeping them safe like the two probably was close but had to separate in their own ways but when they meet again [name] can barely recognzie Jinwoo and i dont mean physically or what not it's more like he lost his warmth and seems more... unsettling.. like do you know the feeling of watching those analogue horror or watching anything eerie and you get that feeling that somethings off in a scene that seems normal but you know something is OFF. yeah i feel like that's what [name] would feel ✊.

I just wanna hear your opinion on a more screwed up Jinwoo because as muchhh as i love the fluffy cutie jinwoo i also love delving into the topics of jinwoo just going batshit insane 🤯🙏

-🌟🎀

ABSOLUTELY!

Jinwoo x Reader

Your wish is my command, pookie bear.

Warning(s): YANDERE, nothing much, maybe too short? Not a fic or oneshot lol js my crazy thoughts

Also guys ples comment and say something ...

^⁠_⁠^

Jinwoo himself was already prepared to walk through fire just for his family, and that was just platonic love. Imagine how insane he'd be for a significant other that he loves way too deeply.

Hello???? Like I feel his dedication and love for darling would be higher than the heavens especially if they're already there for him during his lowest part in life.

My hunch is he's a chill yandere; he adores you and wouldn't pull any outrageously crazy stunts directly at you. Instead, he might convey lessons through various means, like allowing uncomfortable scenarios to set up, then emerging from the shadows he casted beneath your silhouette to rescue you.

Like a "savior" yandere. Your knight and sole protector.

He'd be more possessive ig if his crazy fans found out about you, particularly if they desire him to be romantically involved with Hae-In in the name of being a power couple. Jinwoo literally and genuinely didn't give a damn when they trash-talked him.

But hey, fans can be krezi

ALSO HELLO LIKE WHAT IF THOSE CRAZY ASSHOLES START HARASSING YOU ON WORK OR IN SOCIAL MEDIA (like leaving you death threats or rudely demanding you to break up w him bc apparently according to them, you don't deserve him)? Lol he'd be willing to do something about them, so good luck reasoning against him if you don't want bloodshed!!!

He'd convince you to not work anymore if that was in store for you.

"... Woo, you know I can't just quit work like that and have you become the breadwinner for the two of us. You're getting financially better and I'm proud, but I can't jus—"

"Shh," He'd tenderly cup your cheeks with his eyes overflowing with love and concern, every bit of his attention dedicated to you. "Is it so bad for me to want no dangers coming to you?"

"You're also being unintentionally put into unavoidable situations whenever you're in public. Love, you remember what happened last time, right?" He'd add. With a kiss on your forehead, he said, "I'll provide for you, you don't have to work. I can't stand how they're looking at you."

Jinwoo would mumble the final words gently before pulling back. He'd whisper them solely for your ears, aware that you wouldn't interpret that knowledge negatively anymore—it would now simply reflect his worry for your welfare and highlight his character as the tender and loving partner he was.⁠ ♡

[reallychaoticwoo]

Hi, again babe!! Idk if you write for individual characters, but would you be down to Mingi being jealous / possessive over reader?? Sometimes like reader talk to a man being friendly and he’s seething. Do it as long or as short as you’d like. Love you💕💕

YESSSSSSSS!!! I liiiveee for possessive and for Mingi 🫣 don't come at me lol.

Pairing: Mingi x reader (duh)

Warnings: MDNI!!! 18+ ONLY!! Possesive bf mingi, slight degrading (Mingi calls yn a slut), lottsss of cussing (sorry, not sorry 🤷🏻‍♀️), rough sex, hair pulling, squirting, I thinkkk that's it? As always let me know if I missed something 🖤

Mingi has always been a bit possessive. So, of course, it wasn't any different when it came to you, HIS girlfriend. You'd been dating for some months now, and you'd grown accustomed to his displays of possession. His hand wrapped tightly around your waist every time the two of you went out together. Him slowly leaving more and more of his items and clothes at your apartment. Oh, and your favorite, the necklace, he got you with his name on it, practically begging you to never take it off. And you didn't. To be quite honest, you love that he wanted to claim you. He'd let the whole world know you were his, and he was yours. Not that this didn't come with some downfalls, but it was never something you two couldn't move past.

-

Tonight, you'd be meeting all of his roommates. The only girl in a house full of 8 men. You'd questioned if he'd thought this through or not, but he seemed so excited to have you meet the people he considered family that you just went with it. Pulling up to the rather large house, you did a quick once over to make sure you looked presentable. Something Mingi definitely took note of. However, you quickly reassured him that you just wanted to make sure you looked goof for him, like someone he could be proud to call his.

Walking into the foyer, you looked around, shocked by how clean the place was. It was honestly a gorgeous house, and you definitely couldn't tell there were 8 men living there.

"So you must be y/n, Mingi has told us so much about you. I'm Seonghwa." He introduced himself smiling politely.

"It's nice to meet you too. Thanks for being okay with me coming over tonight." You shook his hand and smiled back.

"Woah Mingi, I think you may have left out some important information about your girl!" A loud voice said, coming from around the corner and into view. A shorter man with half blonde half black hair and a huge grin on his face.

Mingi clenched his jaw, "And what might that be Woo?".

"Uh, she's fucking hot?!" The shorter of the men said eyeing you up and down before shooting you a playful wink.

And with that, Mingi had his arm around your waist, pulling you as close to his as humanly possible. "Yeah, she is. And she's mine so keep your fucking winks to yourself." He was already getting pissed.

-

You'd eventually made it to the living room where everyone was sitting on the large sectional or leaning against it on the floor. Some playing games on the TV, a few scrolling on their phones, one seemingly only focused on his laptop with headphones on. Mingi had sat you on his lap to avoid anyone getting too close to you. Wooyoung, however, didn't seem to care that you were sitting on your boyfriends lap. Walking up behind the couch and throwing his arms around yours and Mingi's shoulders.

"So is this why it took you so long to bring her over, Min? Afraid one of us might take her away from you?" Wooyoung chuckled, big cheshire grin across his face. You blushed a little at the compliment, and oh boy, did Mingi catch onto that. His hands tightened on your waist. Wooyoung leaned in a little closer to your face, "You know, Mingi probably didn't say anything because he doesn't even realize how fucking hot you actually are. You deserve to be reminded constantly, shown off, not kept a secret". He shot a devilish glare at mingi. Your crossed your legs and gulped a bit flustered, and even more nervous.

Mingi had enough. "Fuck this, y/n get up now." He stood up so fast you almost fell from being lunged off his lap. He caught you by the wrist and started dragging you down the hall to his room.

"Mingi what the hell?? Where are we going? What are you doing?" You asked him trying to understand even remotely what was going through his brain right now.

"Oh don't act so fucking innocent princess, don't think I didn't catch you crossing your legs at his words. Or the way he had you blushing earlier when he called you hot." Mingi was seething. He will be damned if another man gets your attention. And he's about to remind you that you're his and only his. He's going to remind you how you don't need or want anyone but him.

-

As soon as you two were in his room he slammed the door locking it behind him. His eyes dark and his expression somewhere between pissed and sinister. "Take it off." It wasn't a request it was a demand.

Fuck you loved this side of him so much. You knew he was about to make sure everyone in this house had no questions as to who you belonged to. And you knew he was about to ruin you in the absolute BEST way. Stripping down to absolutely nothing Mingi pushed you against the door pressing his lips against yours hungrily. He wasted no time pulling off his belt and dropping his pants. Immediately grabbing your ass and holding you firmly in the air as he lined the tip of his cock with your already drenched hole. With one swift motion he bucked up into you, fully submerging himself. You lifted your hand to cover your mouth but he caught it in his before holding your hands above your head. "Don't you dare try and be fucking quiet. I want you to scream so loud the whole fucking block will know who you belong to." He was basically growling in your ear. Fucking up into you relentlessly, biting and sucking your neck harshly leaving a trail of marks down to your collar bone. "F-fuck.. Fuck Mingi...ahhhh" You whined, your legs starting to shake as the pressure in your stomach started to build faster than it ever had before. Mingi started to slow down before placing you back on the ground. "Mingi... please.. please more.. don't stop" You begged and whined but he just spun your body around to face the door. "Hands on the door, spread your fucking legs. You want to act like a little slut, getting all flustered from fucking Wooyoung. You're going to get fucked like a slut and the whole fucking house is going to hear you." You shivered at his words, quickly following directs. And he was right back in you pushing your back down to bend you forward further. "Keep your fucking hands on the door, I want everyone to hear how hard my little slut takes me. I, urgh- I want Wooyoung to hear how fucking -ah - how fucking drunk you get off MY dick", he was ramming into you mercilessly. Hitting so deep he wrapped his hand around to your stomach, "you feel that princess? You think any of them could fuck you this good? Could rearrange your guts and make you scream like I can?" He pulled your hair making you straighten slightly. Keeping your hands on the door you tried to shake your head but his grip on your hair was too tight. "I asked you a fucking question. I expect words y/n" He punctuated with a painstakingly deep thrust causing you to fall forward letting out a scream. "No" You said breathlessly through blissful sobs. "No, what?" He asked, another deep thrust. "No, no one -aaahhhhh- fuck- no one can fuck me like you baby- fuuucccckk - I'm so close". You were a crying whiney mess. "Don't you fucking come till I tell you to come baby, now be a good girl and tell me who's fucking pussy this is"

"Yours - fuck - it's yours Mingi, all yours. Please, please" You were begging to let go. You needed it, you were falling apart barely holding yourself up, your legs giving out.

Mingi not letting up for even a second pulled your hair back again, the door slamming with each and every thrust he's giving you. "Louder baby girl, fuck, say it louder".

"FUUUCCCKKK MINGI - MY PUSSY IS ALL YOURS- ONLY YOURS!!"

"Good girl, now come for me baby. Let me feel you loose yourself on my dick."

You let out a glass shattering gutteral scream, Mingis name the last sound to leave your lips, shaking uncontrollably, your vision white, and your release, everywhere. Mingi carried you ti the bed laying you down until you could regain some form of consciousness. Grabbing you a water from his mini fridge, he pulled his pants back up and sat on the bed next to you.

Once you came back to you smiled faintly, "I should have you get jealous more often. That was sooooo fucking good." A breathy chuckle leaving you as you propped yourself up to take a sip of the water.

"I don't think that's a good idea baby, but I'm happy to fuck you however you like, whenever you want." He said grinning, placing kisses your your forehead and cheeks.

"Now, let's go make an appearance to make sure they got the point." He said pulling you up into his arms once again, your legs wrapped around his waist and his hands firmly on your ass.

-

Sitting down on the couch pulling you into his lap again, he glared around the room, making sure to lock eyes with Wooyoung. Pulling you in closer to his chest, he gave the younger man the biggest shit eating grin before placing a soft kiss to the top of your head. "MY beautiful princess." He said, resting his head on yours.

** As always, this is purely fictional! This doesn't not represent the idol in any way, shape, or form. **

**Not really proofread, so please don't come for me. 🖤 Thank you as always for your support and I really hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

[staawberru]

My Childhood Friend Wrote A Gay Omegaverse Fanfic About Me! Chapter 2

a/n hiiii welcome to chapter 2 woo I do want to say if your here for the omegaverse you have to wait for chapter 6 sorry!

chapter one | next chapter | last chapter | masterlist

You’ve concluded he was in fact very serious, the way his pale blue eyes bore into yours supported that. He wasn’t joking, not at all, his usually anxious demeanor had changed. He moves towards you, and you try to back away. It’s not like you're scared or anything, far from it, but he just comes closer and closer, like, damn, has he ever heard of personal space? He won’t allow it, though. He grabs your arm softly, but there’s still a firm edge to it. You're probably five inches taller than him, but he’s holding your arm with such confidence. And strength. You try and yank your hand away. Well, yank is probably the wrong word, more like pull your hand away, but he still wouldn't budge. You try again, stronger, but still he has a powerful grip on your arm.   

    “Dude, what’s wrong?” You ask. Looking around, and thankfully there’s no one around. You didn’t want to make a scene. He looked straight in your eyes, unmoving.

    “Tell me what you were going to say.” He glared at you. There was definitely something wrong with him, you know it. Before you were unsure, but now it’s too weird. There. Was. Something. Off. About. Him. There was always something off about him, but this was different. There was a look in his eyes you couldn’t quite place, but you knew made you squeamish, like all you wanted to do was crawl into your bed and die, die and forget, forget about him, forget about your mom, your dad, forget about everything. Your eyebrows furrow, you lick your cracked lips, and demand, not ask or say or beg, you demand for him to let you go. 

    “Let go. Now. I'm not asking.” That seems to snap Jobie into place, the intimidating feeling around him disappears just like that. He goes back to being a pussy, the way he was before. He looks up at you like he’s about to cry, and he probably was. He was always on the verge of tears, you've noticed. Always sad, always miserable. It was pathetic honestly. You know what it’s like to feel powerless, but you also figured out how to beat the shit out of it with a stick. That's something Jobie doesn’t know. 

    “I’m sorry,” his meek voice rang out, getting your attention back to him. His hand lingers around your arm for a moment, but quickly snaps to its place at his side. He looks like he still wants to ask something, the nerve. 

    “Do you um… still want to walk with me?” He asked, sheepishly. Normally Jobie would look down at the floor, normally Jobie would fidget with his sleeve, normally Jobie wouldn’t get his hopes up, but this wasn’t normal Jobie. You knew it the moment he put his hands on you. You knew it the moment he looked you in the eye. And you know it now when he didn’t look at the floor, when he shoved his hand into his coat pocket, and you definitely knew it when he looked at you expecting a yes. He expected you to fold, say yes, and walk with him, and he was right. You did fold, you did say yes, you did walk with him.

    The walk was quiet, a relief. It allowed you to get swallowed back into your thoughts. Your thoughts about him, his actions, his choices. What the hell did he think he was doing? What did he think when he grabbed you by the arm and demanded you talk, answer his questions? Was he proud of himself? Did he feel bad? Does he regret it? You look down at him, he seemed focused and uncaring, like nothing just happened. You looked forward, how were you going to get home? You could call mom, but she’d just say no. You look down at your phone and 2:10 lights up with the rest of the screen. All of your friends were probably already gone, and the buses left ages ago, so the only option was to walk home in the unforgiving rain. You continue to look through your phone and see a notification from Instagram. Clicking on it, a follow request. You look at it for a moment before accepting it. It was from someone named Lily. You click on her profile and see her, she’s kinda strange, but admittedly beautiful. She has light purple hair, short in the back with two long side bangs framing her face, and gorgeous green eyes. You blush just ever so slightly. Why would she want to follow you? You continue to scroll through her Instagram seeing her likes and dislikes. You frown and decide to message her a simple ‘hey’ it takes a few seconds but you get a ‘hii’ and a gif of a waving rabbit from her. You smile, she was cute, very cute, but one thing about you is you don’t let pretty girls sway you! So you sent a short and simple ‘why’d you follow me’ you see the three dots that indicated she was texting back appear and stay there for a few seconds. 

   “Hey [name],” Jobie's hushed but sharp voice sounds and he looked at you. You turn off your phone and look at Jobie. He blushes, looks back at his feet, then looks back at you again, still blushing. You cringe, you hated that moment when Jobie was all weird, but now that he was back to being normal (as normal as a gay dude can get) he was just as bad, maybe even worse. You waited for him to continue, but it seems like he wanted you to say something.

    “What?” You rolled your eyes impatiently. 

    “We’re here,” he says. 

    “Oh yeah. So where’s your friend?” You ask, checking your phone and seeing two notifications from Lily.

    “Over here,” Jobie said desperately, like he wanted to distract you. You look over and see Jobie’s apparent friend. He had dark hair, tanned skin, and ugly round glasses. He was too engrossed on his phone to notice you both. 

   “Hey, Kendyl!” Jobie waves. 

    “Oh you're here,” ‘Kendyl’ said, unbothered. Jobie walked to his side and smiled up at him. Kendyl looked at you and smiled.

    “You must be [name] it’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m Kendyl.” Kendyl said as he kissed Jobie, still smiling. Your face scrunches slightly. Ew. But there was something off about his smile, you noted. You don’t trust him. Looking over at Jobie. He looked super happy to see him, a smile was plastered all around his face. As much as you don’t trust Kendyl, he’s not your friend so it doesn’t matter. All you wanted was to get home. 

   “Well I’ll get going. You two have fun on your little date,” you said sarcastically, turning away to start the trek home. 

   Jobie frowned.

[eightmakesonebraincell]

OKAY BUT COACHELLA LAST NIGHT THERE WERE YEOSANGIE NIPNOPS AND HWA NIPNOPS AND SANNIE NIPNOPS AND MINGI NIPNOPS AND I THINK MY SOUL LEFT MY BODY WITH HOW MUCH I WAS STARING AT THEM ALL SO DISRESPECTFULLY BECAUSE THOSE PANTS GENTLEMEN (Addie tries to be a good girl. Tries. I'm only a human woman T-T) No word of a lie though, after the first set of songs I was staring at Woo and Yuyu with their sleeves rolled up over their arms (I'm a sucker for a guy in a button up with his sleeves rolled up, don't @ me for it) and I was commenting how they needed to stop because I was having some very impure thoughts AND THEN HONGJOONG STARTS SPEAKING WITH HIS JACKET OFF AND HIS SLEEVES ROLLED UP LIKE EXCUSE ME CAPTAIN YOU WEREN'T LIKE THAT LITERALLY 30 SECONDS AGO WHAT THE HELL MAN (listen when Captain does little things like that my delulu goes off the RAILS okay) Hwa screaming. Hwa doing rude things with his tongue while wearing a cowboy hat. Hwa kissing the team ring at the end. JONGHO CAN SPIN FLAG WITHOUT GETTING A SAIL MY COLOR GUARD HEART WAS SO DAMN PROUD OF OUR MAKNAE HONGJOONG'S EYES DURING WONDERLAND SIR CAN YOU NOT FOR FIVE SECONDS BITCHES WERE EYEING THEM DURING THOSE PELVIC THRUSTS AND BOOTY SHAKES (it's me I'm bitches) I have a lot of feelings I'm sorry I needed to gush and there isn't a lot of people in the Midwest USA that know Kpop so T-T

ateez and kq quite obviously don't care about the wellbeing of their fans because they were quite literally like

(along with the fact that they dropped a comeback announcement like HELLO??? RELEASE THE TOUR DATES AND SEND OUT THE ANITEEZ MERCH FIRST)

and both my parents decided to watch coachella with me on the ULTRA HD TV so you can imagine how hard it was for me to keep a straight face whilst extremely hot and sexy half-nekid men growled and tried to make the audience bark 👹

but GOOD LORD did they do just as well this week DARE I SAY EVEN BETTER (also coachella really picked up their slack and fixed the camera work and smoke screen like SLAY thanks for blessing us with the wooyo booty twerk zoom 😍🍑) god yes all of them were so [redacted redacted redacted] and i honestly [redacted redacted redacted redacted redacted] and UGH HWA SCREAMING HIS WHOLE SOUL OUT DURING WONDERLAND 👏👏👏 KING 👏👏👏 but also diD YOU SEE MINGI JUMP AND FALL HAHAHAHA i mean um did you see mingi's very artistic stage parkour 🤭

[mel-155-a]

I fucking hate being trans and also transitioning was the correct decision and I have no idea how to square those two things.

Hormones took way too long to do way too little, almost twelve years down the line I still get constantly misgendered, my tits are...fine. I guess. Average, which is honestly more than I expected so.....woo.

Vocal training makes me suicidal and a significant majority of the people offering it are actually offering extremely overpriced singing lessons when they aren't even qualified in anyway to do that beyond "being good at singing". I'm still stuck in a shitty cycle of trying it and failing hard every couple of years, because my voice makes me cry when I fail to disassociate properly from it in my day to day life and actually hear it.

It took me ten years to get the first stage of a colovaginalplasty in July, and it's been three months of pain, frustration, anxiety, and fear as my reward for the previous ten years of endless humiliation and stress that was constantly getting fucked with by surgeon's offices and insurance companies. I have never been particularly horny, but even for me, three months of any kind of masturbation or sex being complicated and difficult to get anything out of is a whole fucking lot to deal with.

I am getting the second stage in December, and the wait is hellish and the healing process is going to be worse, another extended painful, frustrating, anxiety and fear inducing healing period that will likely last at least a year, maybe longer. And it may or may not be over at that point, I might need revisions which will require more healing and frustration and pain.

I could try to get some kind of FFS so I could look in the mirror without cringing, but god, MORE surgery? Having to go through another years long process to try and force an insurance company to cover it, only to get the chance to be miserable for a year or more? Yeah, sounds great. Just what I wanted.

Make-up is a no go because of the face stuff, clothes generally don't fit me because I am a freakishly large 6'3" 230 something pound giant, and even when I do find something, a new skirt might feel good for an afternoon if I am really lucky. Getting misgendered in it regularly lasts forever.

And the trans community is just FUCKED. I know I am a traumatized, depressed, downer pretty regularly, and that is after ten years of therapy and trying really hard to get better. There are quite a lot of trans people who have not had the chance to do that ten years of work on themselves and oof. It shows. It's not their fault, but god is it draining to constantly be around.

Add in the fact that I am a trans woman who has the gall to not be bright, happy, and conventionally attractive, that I am not the girldick sex bunny AND I am also not the humble non-passing ogress who is none-the-less so proud and happy to be trans, who has pride flag everything and a dozen Blahajs around and just...ugh. I can feel people just waiting for a reason to make the call-out posts and when I eventually come across them where they think I won't see, I just want to never talk to anyone again.

Nothing about being trans is good for me. It is all an exercise in misery both internal and external that I can never escape. But it was also the right choice, not transitioning was worse. What the fuck do I do with that?

It's made even worse because I feel like I am "betraying the cause" or something, hurting all the other vulnerable trans women around me and the non trans femmes I love and have in my life, by being this just constantly screaming pain parade. That there should be a finish line to all this and I should have reached it by now, and been able to come back and happily report to everyone else that their time wandering in the desert will end as well.

I am just stuck. I don't have the resources or ability to disappear into the background and leave being trans behind except as a historical footnote, and it's all so normalized that any joy or novelty is long, long gone, leaving just the pain. I am not sure the joy and novelty were EVER there for me personally. If they were, the memories are so distant and faded as to be meaningless.

So...what the fuck do I do? There isn't a Transition 2 to get me out of the rut. This is just my life. And it fucking sucks.

I feel really apprehensive about posting this, I feel like people will be weird about it. But I am pretty sure that I can't be the only person who feels like this. Who feels stuck, left behind, and unwelcome because they are miserable with the thing that they are constantly told should have saved them. So, if that sounds like you, you aren't alone. I don't have any answers either, but we can have a little pity party together I guess. Wooooo.

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey cas, reg kin anon here

(cw/tw for medical stuff, including cancer, chemo, and the side effects of such)

so ive now been living away from home for like 2 weeks (woo!) but im visiting home this weekend to pick up a few more bits and pieces (and tbh to visit my cats ♡)

my sister messaged when she found out (i assume our parents mentioned it? i never told her) to warn me that since i left, our mother had had another chemo appointment and has now lost most of her hair, so that i wasnt caught off guard when i got home and saw her, and also that shes v tired all the time and doesnt eat much anymore

first of all - this was a big surprise to me that she'd tell me this because shes really not a sympathetic/gentle person?? but when i spoke to my father he never said anything about it so im v grateful she told me beforehand

secondly - since moving out, ive sort of let myself forget about the cancer? if that makes sense? its been kind of 'out of sight out of mind' yknow? and im so afraid to suddenly be faced with very obvious signs of her illness because im honestly very comfortable living in denial until i cant anymore

so now im listening to 'soon youll get better' by taylor swift on repeat and trying not to cry over it because as much as i dont have a good relationship with my mother, i dont want her to be sick, and even though i know it will happen i don't want her to die. i think it wouldve almost been easier if i had stayed home this whole time, because then her decline would sort of be slow enough where i wouldnt notice so much? whereas now in my head shes going from still being quite healthy to being really sick and i dont want to see that

i feel like that makes me sound like a bad person too. like im almost considering just not visiting between this upcoming weekend and christmas just so that i dont have to watch her get worse, and that makes me feel like shit both ways

also so much for not having a breakdown bc i had to stop twice while writing this to have a little cry 🫠

Hi hon!

I'm so sorry that things with your mum aren't going well. I want to remind you though that however you're feeling about this is okay and valid. People handle illness in so many different ways and no way is the right way.

I do want to give you a very gentle and loving reminder, though. You mentioned maybe not visiting until Christmas. I understand the desire to not visit and it's extremely valid. But if you do decide not to visit, I just have to ask..is Christmas guaranteed? I don't want to pry or bring up possibilities that could be impossible, but with cancer, time can be a huge factor. Not visiting is still your choice to make, and I support you if you make it, but make sure you make an informed choice, you know?

I'm so sorry and I can't even imagine how horrible this is to go through. I'm sending you so much love and I'm so proud of you for talking about your feelings <3

[ohnoitstbskyen]

Reflecting on my work in 2022

As this official Hell Of A Year™ draws to a close, I guess it is appropriate to both reflect on what I've been doing this year, as well as do a bit of plugging for work which I am proud of.

So here's a list of some of the videos I made this year, along with some thoughts on their creation and how I feel about them, some self-criticism, some behind-the-scenes, and a little self-congratulation where it is appropriate.

I struggle somewhat with memory and a clear sense of time - to me, time is more of a continuous stream than a series of delineated moments. This is often frustrating - I get lost in it, and when I look back on a list of my work and activities, it is less an experience of "oh yeah, ha ha, that happened" and more of a "wait what do you mean that happened then? And before that other thing? But after that one? What the hell?"

Worst case scenario, it can be kinda distressing, honestly. It feels out of control, anxiety inducing, like I don't have a handle on my life.

... which is an absolutely fantastic tone to strike for a New Year's list of my favourite videos. 2023, woo!

The Boss Designs of Bloodborne Finale (February)

It took me nearly three months after the penultimate episode of the series to finally put this video out. My The Boss Designs Of series is some of the best work I've ever created, at least I think so. It's certainly some of the most creatively fulfilling work I do, and some of the most challenging too.

I try to walk a line between providing a fresh perspective on the games I've played for the series, but not getting contrarian or off-the-wall just for the sake of it. With Bloodborne, I do think I managed some really good critical contributions to the readings of the game, like my reading of the Blood-starved Beast as a self-sacrificing martyr for the beast community of Old Yharnam, which was apparently quite novel, or my crackpot Parasite Theory of Bloodborne's madness.

And I do think I've gotten better and better at editing gameplay footage too, I think I've managed to learn a good balance between joke-edits and continuity and story editing. I always kinda fret on the one hand that the gameplay footage and my live commentary is too boring to stand on its own, and on the other hand that editing in too many jokes and gags would just be obnoxious and tedious to sit through.

The thing Bloodborne nails more than any other horror game I've seen is the sensation of the nightmare. And not just in its visuals or its monster designs or the surface storytelling, but in the push and pull between extremely specific imagery and story beats and complete ambiguity the moment you scratch at the surface. Bloodborne is on the one hand a fairly obvious story about the abuses of organized religion and unethical science, but then underneath that there's also this deep obsession with the violence done to women's bodies specifically, and how that violence spills out and caustically eats into the humanity of everyone who is complicit in it.

And then underneath that there's an exploration of birth trauma, where the Great Ones are parental figures as incomprehensible to the player as parents are to a newborn child, pushing you here and pulling you there and inflicting incomprehensible violations of your bodily autonomy out of apparent sympathy.

And underneath all of that... it's also about how cool it would be to transform into a werewolf, actually. The themes of self-creation and transformation and claiming monsterhood as self-empowerment are incredibly queer and especially apt for trans readings.

It all flows together in this soup of imagery and meaning that I cannot crystalize into a unifying Theory of Bloodborne, no definitive reading, no comprehensive hot take. Which is frustrating when you're trying to create a video essay, but infinitely compelling when trying to think about it.

I don't know that I managed to capture all of that in the The Boss Designs of Bloodborne finale, but I do know that I tried to, and I'm proud of that.

Melina, the Maiden - Boss Designs of Elden Ring #1 (March)

Staying with The Boss Designs of, here's a video about which my feelings have become decidedly mixed. Not because of anything that is in the episode, mind you, but out of a certain disempowered bitterness I've developed about Elden Ring over the course of the year.

I cannot overstate how excited I was for Elden Ring, and how desperately I enjoyed finally getting to play it back in March. It's a brilliant game, an incredibly immersive world, and one which I badly want to return to.

... and then I didn't get to play the game for nine months. It was partly my own mistake - I tried recording an absolute ton of footage for episodes early, playing as much of the game as I could while it was still fresh, hoping to put out a lot of episodes of the series early while the game was fresh and Relevant In The Algorithm™, and also just out of sheer excitement. In so doing, though, I ended up shooting myself in the foot, because as I began to edit episodes together I also found myself feeling more and more distant from the experience of playing.

The pile of footage in front of me, begging to be converted into episodes, became a roadblock of work looming over me, a source of guilt and stress and frustration, that put extra stress on my mind every time I tried to make any other video and which stood between me and getting to play more of the game I have anticipated more than any other for years.

In 2023, I will get back to Elden Ring, I swear to god I will, but in the meantime I am quite happy with how the three episodes I've made of this series so far have turned out.

Also, the new intro song I commissioned from @trewatsonmusic absolutely slaps.

What's the deal with Zeri and Neon (June)

My ambition for the What's the Deal videos has always been to expand them beyond League of Legends (and I have done videos on characters from other things), but being a YouTuber is also my job, and League of Legends is the moneymaking subject on my channel, at least for now.

Not that I resent that. For all that League deserves the criticism it gets, I still insist that it has one of the greatest casts of characters in modern gaming, underserved and ignored though most of them are by Riot Games. There's so much to talk about once you get even a little bit under the surface, and I do feel like I've been doing a better and better job at doing that in the What's the Deal videos over 2022. Zeri, for example, is a fantastic addition to the class warfare dynamics of Piltover and Zaun, especially in her conflict with Renata Glasc and the themes that could be explored through that conflict. And it's not lost of me the extent to which she was a direct response to the xenophobic attacks on Asian-Americans that have surged out of American politics in recent years, either. There is value to proclaiming that someone like Zeri belongs in the worlds of big pop culture institutions like League of Legends, even if (as always) it is the workers at Riot Games making that proclamation, and Riot Games Inc. allowing it because it serves their commercial goals.

I brought in Nickyboi for an assist on this one as well, which is something I want to do more. I want to do more collaboration. First of all because it's nice to offload work to someone else, but also because this job is fundamentally kind of lonely. I'm just a guy in his office making videos 99% of the time, and collaborating with a fellow creator feels like being part of a creative community in a way that solo work and shitposting at each other on Twitter simply doesn't.

And I am proud of the little fanfiction snippets I've started writing in the The Future segments. One of the points of the What's the Deal videos is to communicate to an audience why I'm excited about a character, why I feel like they're worth giving a shit about, and I think those fanfiction segments have done a better job at getting that across than almost all of my character design and animation chatter. Plus, it's nice to flex a bit of creative muscle in that way now and then.

Speaking of which, I still need to write that happier ending for Kai'sa and Taliyah, don't I? I have A Plan™ for that, it's just about finding the time to make it real...

The 15 Most Beautiful Splash Arts in League of Legends (September)

This one is easily the biggest surprise of the year for me. In the latter half of 2022, I took quite a lot of sponsorships - first of all because they were offered (good lord there was a rush of them in August!), but also because I really wanted to save up and pay down debts.

One of the consequences of that was the extreme delay of Elden Ring, but another was that all of a sudden I had to get content out on a very set schedule. Most of my work is done on the steam of Whatever Catches My Creative Attention At The Time, but with a deadline hanging over my head, suddenly I had to find video ideas whether they presented themselves naturally or not.

I feared that a list-video would be a turn-off for my audience, I feared that it would be seen as shallow and tacky, like a 2010s Buzzfeed listicle. I feared that people just wouldn't be interested in the kind of art analysis I like to do, or would find it pretentious to seek meaning in what is - let's be real - commercial artwork meant to promote game cosmetics.

The benefit of a sponsorship is that the video has already made a profit, whether it does well or not, and I thought that in making this video, I was being self-indulgent and "ignoring" the desires of my audience.

Instead, it's one of the best performing videos ever on my channel, and people have cited it as a favorite among my videos quite a number of times.

Which was really... encouraging, honestly. I didn't expect it, but this video really did give me a confidence boost that the things I care about and find interesting do have an audience, even extra-nerdy rambling about League of Legends cosmetics.

Building a Better Soraka (September)

Building a Better is a series title I sometimes regret a little bit, because no matter how much I try to explain in the videos themselves that there is no such thing as a perfect character design and that my revisions and ideas are not meant to be definitive in any way, I always get comments from people accusing me of declaring myself The God of Character Design and sitting in holy judgment over the work I'm critiquing.

To an extent, I guess that's unavoidable on the internet, but... maybe the series title was a bad gamble on that front.

I do stand by, though, that my designs have a reasonable argument that they are improvements over the originals. Arguments that can be interrogated and criticized, but valid, reasonaed arguments, not mere polemics.

Building a Better Soraka was an experiment in creating the series, as instead of working with a single artist to iterate on design improvements, I ended up commissioning more than a half dozen people for artwork and using different renditions to make my argument. It did hurt the coherency of the video a little, I feel, but it did open me up to a much more flexible way to produce videos like it in the future, which I'm happy with.

Plus, I really do like what I came up with here, and I adore the ways that @sabtherobot, @sinizade and @lekyrin executed my ideas and brought their own visions of the character. Soraka is a character who deserves a lot better than the basic design she's stuck with, and whose story can do so much more visually than Riot is willing to allow it to do.

"Not Without You" - the story of Nasus and Renekton (November)

Of all the writing I did this year, this is by far what I am most proud of.

The video itself did not perform very well, nor did I expect it to, but the reactions I saw from the audience on this piece... yeah. That filled a very hungry part of my heart, I'm not gonna lie.

Writing a novel is a life ambition for me, as it is for many people. Actually writing it is a lot more elusive, though, in part because I struggle to feel confidence that my writing would ever hold up to the scrutiny of an audience. I struggle to feel that I would ever be able to connect emotionally with people, that I would be able to make what I feel sensible through writing.

This story proved that I can. Not to a big audience, perhaps, and I certainly don't have any delusions of genius or grandeur. I do not ever expect to be a famous or fêted writer, nor an important one. But... I do feel like with this story, I proved that I can at least be a competent one, which is frankly all I want.

And Nasus and Renekton were grateful subjects, too. Their story is naturally deeply emotional, albeit strangled by Riot's chronic indifference towards their most compelling narratives, and a lot of what I ended up exploring in there did come from a very genuine place in myself. It was nice to touch that part of my soul, and make something out of it, even if it's only silly fanfiction for a silly video game.

I am cautiously optimistic about 2023

Looking back over the videos I made this year, while I have a lot of work that I am proud of, I also see a lot of videos that I think I made less out of a desire to make them and more out of a fear of not making them. Videos that I made because I felt like the audience expected it, because the algorithm demanded it, because rent is always coming due and I am petrified of ever being broke again.

This is normal and natural, it is to some extent just the nature of the creative process under a capitalist market system where your work must always have some sort of price tag. But... I don't want to keep doing it. If I have an ambition for 2023, it is to make more of the videos I want to make, more videos that I only I can make. To give myself a little bit of a break and ease up on the self-recrimination and stress.

I have so many projects I want to get to, and being in my 30s I am becoming more and more conscious that while I (hopefully) have something like twice my current lifetime left to create the things I want, time is a finite resource, and spending it trying to please a website algorithm probably won't do me that much good in the end.

Anyway, some other things I did which I am quite proud of:

Played through God of War: Ragnarök while telling stories about the mythology of my childhood.

Ran around the world of Eorzea, accompanied by some of the funniest, silliest and most generous FFXIV players a man could dream of.

Finished a Pokémon HeartGold Nuzlocke with possibly the most nerve-wracking finish I have ever had to a Pokémon game

Reviewed every single Gen 1 Pokémon

Finished Great Ace Attorney Chronicles 1, probably the let's play with the most voice acting I have ever done. Some of it is even good!

If you've read this far, thank you so much for your time, your attention, your interest and your indulgence. Your 2023 be a good year, and may the tides of history wash gently over us all.

[neeterloveschenford]

More Thoughts on Tim Bradford

Woo boy! Are we going through it right now fam! I know that there has been a lot of discourse and negativity about Tim breaking up with Lucy last night. And while I truly believe that everyone's thoughts and feelings are valid, I'd like to put mine out there into the void on why I'm going to stand by both my boos even if I feel like the rug got pulled out from under me last night. So here we go......

The thing is, I get where Tim is coming from. Real talk here, my late teens and early twenties I was a mess. While I never went through what Tim went through when he was in the military, I understand that self-loathing he has struggled with for so long. I came from an abusive and neglectful family and still bear those emotional scars. I acted out and rebelled and did things I am not proud of. My family ended up intervening and my aunt and uncle took me to Arkansas to live with them. And then spent over a decade reminding me at every turn how big of a screw up I was. I remember thinking that I would never become a better person and that I was tainted for the rest of my life. Several years after I moved there I decided I wanted to get involved with the girl's ministry at my church and went to my pastor. I told him that despite all of the missteps I had made in the past, I wanted to become more involved with the program and hoped that he could look past the things I had done. My pastor was floored that I thought those things about me. He had actually been thinking about asking me if I was willing to become the director of the program. I had never had anyone make me feel like I was a good person before. It was life-changing. I began to believe that maybe I wasn't an epic failure. I ran that program for two years and during that time I re-connected with my family in Oklahoma. My mother and I had never had a real relationship and after we re-connected she told me she was proud of me. I eventually moved back home and now am quite happy with my life. But it took a really long time and a lot of self-reflection before I got to this point. And honestly I still have my days where I just feel like I'm still that messed up girl. But I have a support system with my mom, my step-dad, and my sisters that reminds me that I am worth it and that I am loved.

So I totally get where Tim is coming from. I don't know how many romantic relationships and friendships I tanked because I thought the other person was too good for me. Tim hates himself for putting his pride in his career first. He believes that his men died because of him. Because he wanted to protect his career and his reputation as a leader. He feels like Lucy is this good and honest person who would never put anyone else at risk to further something as small as a career. I mean she put her own career at risk just to help his. He thinks that her love for him will be her undoing because Tim doesn't believe he is worth the effort. God, it's breaking my heart just thinking about it. Of course, he's wrong. Lucy loves him so much that I think this will almost break her. But he has to realize his own value and worth. He will never get there unless he pushes forward and realizes how much the people in his life love and respect him.

And Lucy's not wrong to be angry at him. He is supposed to be her partner and he is, once again, making all the big decisions in the relationship. He decided that he's not what she needs in her life. While we have seen time after time that he is all that she needs. Tim needs to realize that Lucy's love is different from every other person that has ever loved him. It's unconditional. She doesn't care about his past mistakes. She loves him no matter what and believes he is the best man she knows. I know that one day he's going to have that ah ha moment like I did and see that his past doesn't define his future and he doesn't have to pay for his mistakes for the rest of his life.

Tim also reminds me of two of my all-time favorite characters from the last two fandoms I participated in on Tumblr. Oliver Queen from Arrow and Michael Guerin from Roswell New Mexico. They were both extremely flawed men that finally realized that they deserved their happily ever afters with the loves of their lives. But the people they loved helped them realize just how precious their lives really were. And guess what? Both Oliver and Felicity and Michael and Alex broke up. But they found their way back to each other and got their happily ever afters. So don't give up the faith my friends. Chenford is going to find their way back to each other. I refuse to believe they are any thing other than endgame.

[wint3r-h3art]

Do you have any thoughts/canons on how Attuma would react to one (or a few 👀) of his underlings having a crush on his girl?

Personally I'm quite conflicted about what his reaction would be, given that he can be quite complex regarding emotions. Like, on one hand, he's a man of few words, stand-offish, and cocky even. So he might find it amusing to see his underlings gazing at reader since they are no match to him, could be proud even by the fact that he is courting such a fine woman, whose beauty and power make heads turn. So, in that sense, I think his underlings' pathetic attempts might only inflate his ego and drive him to woo reader even harder?

On the other hand tho, Attuma is incredibly possessive and territorial. He is a primal dom and once he decides reader is his, oh she is his. So the sight of his underlings looking at her and even trying to get her attention would just infuriate him. Not because he feels threatened but because reader is his and the underlings are forgetting their place. He's their fucking General/War Chief after all. I can already picture him catching one trainee getting distracted as reader walks by during training, and trying to impress her with some battle moves or flexing some muscles. Attuma's face would just be disfigured in a mix between disbelief and rage before he lands a clean kick to the underling's chest or a blow with his spear, to remind him of his place and who tf he's looking at.

I'm pretty sure he would just kill all of them either way. Like Namor and Namora walking into the training room and being like WTF HAPPENED TO ALL OF THE TRAINEES??!! lmaoo jk

Anyway, would love to read your ideas on this!

OOOH OK! This is a good one, and I like where you're going with this. It's good to recognize realistic emotions. As a person, we are complex creatures, and we react differently.

Disclaimer that this is my interpretation of the character, and if you do disagree with it, I don't know what to tell you, aside from that this is the vibe I got, and I'm running with it.

I headcanon his personality to be self-assured, and confident to the point of arrogant/cocky. He knows that he's good at what he's doing, and he has the skills to do it--very alpha male mentality tbh. Despite me joking around about him being a himbo, I don't necessarily think he is one. He's clever than that, and also very self-righteous as well. The whole stand-offish thing definitely is just him being prideful. He knows that he can get you if he wants to, and he knows that no one can beat him if he were to challenge. It's just a matter of him wanting to do the courting or not. Obviously, his pride may get in his way just because he doesn't want to be just among your number of admirers.

So I definitely agree that he would definitely laugh it off when his underlings are trying to hit on you. I just don't think he makes it too obvious about it though--again, he's so proud of who he is. It wouldn't look good for him to be among the men that court you.

If he does do it on his term though, the courtship would be something grand, and perhaps lavish. Something that would show how much you meant to him as well as his status among his peers as well. As a war chief, it is probably expected for him to go all out--the grander and the more ostentatious, the better. It would obviously kick everyone off as his competition.

As for his possessiveness, I would say yes and no.

Yes, he will be possessive of you, but only when you are his. He can get all frustrated and angry all he wants, but if you haven't agreed to be his yet, you don't belong to him, and he can't do a damn thing about it, except to win your affection. He can try to scare off other men all he wants, but at the end of the day, you are not his yet.

Doing all those stuff may ruin your chance with you, and I honestly don't think he would unless he wants to try your patience. I think he's clever than that. The battle doesn't always have to be something physical. He can easily manipulate his way to you if he tries hard enough.

I still think he's gonna punish them regardless of what they're doing, just that maybe he's punishing the ones that specifically hit on you more than the rest because #pettyking 🤣🤣🤣

[graphicabyss]

DOS2: A Tale of Frustration

So BG3 doesn't run on my old PC so I turned to DOS2 to fill the void and I finished it out of pure spite. I'm sorry to all the fans but... omg why is it so frustrating? So I'm putting some of the things that were driving me crazy to get it off my chest.

the skill icons on the panel keep disappearing when I try to click them like 30% of the time

the 98 damage types and every enemy has a resistance to each of these

the undead heal from poison damage for some fucking reason

the fucking clouds. poison clouds can be extinguished by fire? makes total sense. Electric clouds? You're fucked unless you know a specific spell.

in half the fights everything ends up on fire, often cursed or necrofire. good luck!

Don't you just love the fights where you start of fighting 3 enemies and end up fighting 12? Not my idea of subverting the expectations.

crafting makes no sense, there are 6834673 items to be crafted and half of them are only useful in early game

how are you supposed to learn the recipes? you get some from dozens of crafting books but it's still only like 30%. How am I supposed to know hammer to a potato makes fries?

I was googleing up quests, crafting, combat and everything else every 5 minutes because I'm tired of going into shit blind but honestly it wasn't enough.

you are free to go anywhere except the areas all have specific levels so you struggle through enemies that are 2 levels higher and then find areas that are 3 levels lower you missed

And what's up with Arx? You expect a chill city phase and end up slaughtered wherever you go. And good luck finding those source points!

Half the quests only work if you have a specific character, specific race or trait and you don't know which. Better prepare for a fight.

Persuasion checks make no sense and you only know the requirements once you fail. Have a fun fight!

Finishing a really tough fight, being really proud of yourself... Looting the dead enemies only to fight... Sir Lora. That little bitch has a deathwish and shall run through necrofire and deathfog like its full of nuts. I redid almost every late-game battle more than once. Goddammit.

I appreciate the immersion but could the NPCs stop pacing for 5 seconds? I need to talk to them! I was running after Hannag for 5 solid minutes and only managed to speak to her after I froze the water making her fall.

The inventory drove me crazy... It's not just gear and potions. You have a pyromancer and the enemies are immune to fire? You better get those scrolls. 97 ingredients half of which you're never gonna use. And I just love putting all my keys into my bag of keys manually.

The armour, man. The armour has physical/magic protection stats, skill points, ability points and sometimes spells. So you wanna swap those gloves? LOL now you can't use 3 spells and are also overburdened.

Faithful Item Set. Just that alone. The set has like 9 items and they're all dispersed all over the map, with the most important parts found on random NPCs! Like, there's no quest relating to it, there are no clues. Just... look in every crate and trade with every single character, bro. Good luck! I got all the items using a very detailed guide... except not. Turns out I got the boots first and sold them off at some point. Woo!

Right-clicking doesn't work half the time. Wanna identify shit or disarm a trap? Nope. Wanna look up that boss that you're about to fight? Don't be a pussy, just hit them and see if it works.

I am using a reasonable number of giftbag perks. I'd probably quit without them by now.

Spent about 260 hours on this game and about 100 of it was just inventory sorting.

The final battle... where do I even start? You get all the spells, all the scrolls, all the potions... only to get one-shot by the fucking Kraken. I expected something epic and received an utter clusterfuck. I only managed to win after about 6 tries and only by drinking invisibility potions, waiting for everyone to murder each other and then finishing Rex.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk. Sorry for your time.

[a-non-ymouswriter]

Damn, that's all i got to say. You're quite the ambitious on writer Remix like huh??? You're description really fits you. You ain't icarus flying towards the sun, you're a rocket ship propelling through space in light years per second to destination unknown. Like Three world dimensions you trying to write??? Piglin tribes??? Cultures and politics?! Woo that's sheer dedication. But then again you burned yourself attempting to write it. But alas i am shock to see Theo dying in Remix like it was not on my Remix bingo list. But anyway thanks for trying your best to explain the story in whole detailed, you did good mate. And as a reader I am proud about you. I am glad you're in other fandom writing new stuffs that makes you happy. Thanks again.

yeah i thought i was flying close to the sun but i definitely rocketing myself into the black hole there. i was too ambitious with remix, but i'm still glad i managed to make the outline and give you all a peek as to what could have been.

and thank you honestly, you and all the other readers. honestly nicholaspwildeblog you've been around since the beginning i'm pretty sure and the fact you're still here is amazing so thank you as well for your support :D

[mirror-to-the-past]

Here's some spoilers and discussion about my initial thoughts on Kingdom Hearts 2 below.

Nearing the end of my KH2 journey... I'd say this has probably been my favorite game so far, out of KH1, CoM, and now this. Overall, I'd say I like the composition of the story of CoM a tad more, but goddamn if the intro and outro haven't gone especially hard on KH2 (also has just generally been littered with several moments that have made the characters very endearing). And the gameplay... woo, actually is super fun. I love the love put into the reaction commands, and every fight is like a movie.

I got past the Roxas fight after like... 40+ tries, and was regretting immensely I decided to play in Proud mode. Never got frustrated at my boy, though- was just filled with respect, and it's seriously the best fight in the franchise thus far for me for giving well designed attacks that I felt were effectively telegraphed. I'm not quite sure how/why Roxas led Sora into what I assume was an internal battle, since he already seemed reabsorbed within Sora's being, but I can only assume Axel's sacrifice (since that happened right before this fight) must've reawoken him, in a way ("Tell me why 'he' chose you!") Poor Roxas has been having his life stolen. The Nobody dehumanization is such shit, dude. Roxas banging on Sora's braced keyblade over and over with that level of ferocity is fueled by such obvious rage that it's undeniable. God, he's living in my head unapologetically.

Meanwhile Xigbar was also... a fight. Less filled with respect, more frustrated about that one, lol. (I thought the sniper mechanics were pretty sick, though. Felt like I was doing Orbonne Monastary in FFXIV again). Can't help but assume several of these Organization members may maintain relevance in future installments in some way, since several seemed to have implied information/backstory that remained unrevealed prior to their disappearance (looking at you, Xigbar [casually referencing that there's been other Keyblade wielders before dying with zero explanation] and Saïx). The next game, 358/2 Days, looks like it's dealing with the Organization in what I assume is a prequel, so maybe backstory will be there?

Kairi and Riku have made my heart warm, and the whole trio's love for each other is honestly so sweet. I keep thinking about their reunion scenes and it's just... aaa, I feel crazy about it. When Kairi lowered Riku's hood and saw the face of Xehanort's Heartless and Riku looked so ashamed (then it cut away?? how dare), when Riku shielded Kairi with his body from Saïx's attack, when Kairi hugged Sora and said "this is real" because 😭 girl your abandonment issues and unachievable desire for constancy are making me feel things, and she's been struggling with the phantom sensation of forgetting someone she cared about for an entire y e a r, so having that confirmation... man. *Staring out to the ocean*

Felt so bad for her that Sora was so awkward about the hug she deeply needed, and didn't even realize the absence of the music until Sora reunited with Riku. 😂 And... oh my god, haha, that part got me. Not surprised that the Sixth Sense kid can pack a gut punch, ofc, he's got a long history of films making me weep, but like... "I looked for you! I looked everywhere for you!" While Sora was crying on his k n e e s and grasping Riku's hand like a lifeline was such amazing emotional payoff. Like, I've been joking with friends about Sora's unwavering "Riku, Riku, Riku" throughout the entire game, but damn if that didn't do a good job of making me invested via Sora, goddamn. I'm so happy my kid gets to see his silver haired punk again. And wowie, they're such a power duo? Their limit break "Eternal Session" is legitimately one of my favorite limit breaks alongside Vincent Valentine's "Satan Slam," from FF7 now. The synchrony of the dance where they pass off the weapons to each other, smooth as butter? Them going "back to back" between the different phases of their LB? (Which is adding to my evaluation of the poems from CoM I've had in the back of my head the entire damn game, by the way...) The clash of their keyblades, and the duality red-blue color scheme? Be still, my artistic heart, they're too much. For this, and the honestly impressive expression and facial rigging for what is a PS2 game, I want to give the animators a smooch.

All I want now is to know where tf Riku pulled Kairi's Keyblade from, and how she's apparently a chosen wielder too. Like, okay??? But where? How?

Oh, also would like Riku to see someone about his hand, that doesn't look too comfortable. My guy can be a badass all he wants, but if he doesn't drink his milk, put an actual cast around his wrist, and bit of work leave off from world-saving shenanigans, he's gonna be a certified hero with post-traumatic arthritis 10~ years down his little road to dawn. Apparently working for Ansem the Wise doesn't provide great health coverage.

[domestikhighway58]

✨ 2022 Writing Year In Review ✨

Thanks to @spencer-reids-adventures for tagging me! Woo!

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 58 (LOL UNINTENTIONAL)

2. Word count posted for the year: 1,099,815

3. Fandoms I wrote for: Criminal Minds, Harry Potter, Parks & Rec (but yo, I don't really count those last two)

4. Pairings: Luke Alvez/Spencer Reid, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid/The BAU Team, couple random outliers in there somewhere. Feel blessed I didn't drop any of my 4 Jeid fics in public.

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: Casimir Pulaski Day with 536

Bookmarks: Casimir Pulaski Day with 262

Comments: And again! Casimir Pulaski Day with 151 comment threads (why is sadness so popular?)

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why):

Honestly? My first ever fic and the thing that got me back into writing. The Eyes Have It literally opened my own eyes to writing again after a decade of not touching a keyboard. I did not think I would make it past 1000 words, let alone the 100,000 words that fic inspired. I had never written dialogue seriously before, never come up with any kind of extended plot, never explored character arcs, or even written creatively past a few lines of poetry. I posted that first chapter assuming I would lose interest or my depression would get the best of me yet again but neither of those things happened. I finished the three-part series three months later and made so many amazing fandom friends through that one fic. Even if it's not my most popular or even best-written work so far, it will always be my favorite.

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why):

OOF. Well, quite a few fit that category but one I'm quite sad about is also just a symptom of my itchy fingers when it comes to writing whatever pops in my head. I deleted it (so sorry) but I plan to return to it one day and make it what I wanted it to be. If you're dying for shitty Highway58 drunkfics, here are these two terrible gems: The Wolf (terrible half-assed attempt at werewolf Spencer, update coming the next time I have whiskey) and my one and only Harry Potter fic, Sequi Mi, where I decided no matter how hard I fangirled on HP in my youth I can't do it anymore now. Maybe one day.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

My very first few comments on my first-ever fic bolstered my confidence like nothing else could. Some were short, some were so long and detailed that they made me cry. I recall two specific commenters who stuck by that crazy story with inspiration and encouragement and they are now in my circle of online friends I never would have found if I didn't keep writing. <3 Every comment I get is an amazing compliment and every single person who decides to take the time to read my bullshit is a goddamned gift.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Several stories I've completed this year spanned a time of my life that I thought was my lowest point. While writing it out through fic was helpful, it was also an outlet that exposed my issues and forced me to face them. The hardest time for me to write was also the time I probably wrote the most, when I was in that lowest space around this time last year. I felt guilty about it when everything else was going to hell but I kept doing it. Ultimately, exploring this side of my creativity allowed me to overcome some of those massive problems I thought were insurmountable.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: 

So many. I think I was somewhat surprised to find how much I enjoy writing the OC protagonist from their warped perspectives. I wrote a sadistically evil Doctor, a psychopathic billionaire heiress, and a Wild West warlord this year all within the context of CM and they were SO MUCH fun, I'm sad I killed them all. I also just think it's interesting to explore the potential depths of OCs within the fanfiction genre. So, that was a pleasant surprise when all I anticipated starting on this journey was a new way to explore the characters I already love.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Ugh. I dunno. Too many words, but here's this from my first OC I still love and miss: Cheers, Caro, you might be in my first OG novel one day:

"Time to make an offering. 

The clothes and the phone bundled in her hands, she turned to the door. Walked down the narrow stairs, across the empty hall. Pushed the creaking screen door open against a violent night, the storm which had gathered earlier finally unleashing its fury. 

She cradled the phone with the image of those hands frozen, locked against her. Against her. On her. In her. Choking life back into her. 

Edging the rusted gate open she entered the garden. The wildness couldn’t compare with home, but it was something. " The Eyes Have It, Chapter 19

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: 

I think I've expressed this already elsewhere but... I wasn't a writer at all before this year. I dabbled for years in poetry and songwriting before landing at a point where I assumed my creativity was dead beneath the yoke of daily life and responsibility. When I started reading fanfiction, I was more depressed than I have ever been in my life. I buried myself in the words of others and wished I could even come close to that kind of creative expression. So when I finally sat down to write a story, I outlined something that came nowhere close to the story I ultimately wrote--and that's when I learned it's not about planning or hoping to do it, it's just about doing it. So, if anything, I grew comfortable with the idea that I can write and that I should--for myself. Because it helps.

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

I hope to start finishing my WIPs more succinctly and with a bit more regularity. I do think I need to spend less time writing fanfic and more time honing my other skills. It is difficult to find the delicate balance between doing something for fun and doing it because you feel you need to please others. That's the double-edged sword of writing and posting fics--sometimes you feel the guilt weigh heavy when you let. a story lie there for months without relief. So, I want to probably slow down with my writing and be a little more intentional with it going forward. (Though honestly, that pains me to imagine--I love following the faintest whiff of fresh plot wherever it might lead). I do know I have no plans on stopping now that I've started.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): 

This is so hard. I've met so many new people this year who have endlessly encouraged and inspired me. Way too many to list here. I will shout out to @foggyblues-ralvez for being the first person to say Hi to me from the fandom (seriously, my dear Mandy, thank you <3). @masterwords, I love you and writing with you has been a fucking honor (also just hi, you should do this if you haven't yet, ily). @spencer-reids-adventures--endless love for your support and comments and the sprints, literally every step of the way. And then I'll shout out @brillianthijinx because darlin' you bring out a side in me I love and am terrified by lol, in the best way. But again, if I were to personally shout out every single person who has made an impact on me and my writing this year this silly thing would be longer than my ao3 wordcount. No one wants that.

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

I won't go into detail here, but, yes. I write Spencer as my comfort character. While I sensationalize his issues to suit the story, the emotions are written from repressed experiences I have never explored. Writing is therapy as much as it is an obsession for me.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Just start writing. Don't think. Write. Share it or don't. Edit or don't. Just write. Every damn day, if you can.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

Good lord, ALL of them. I hope to finish Casimir Pulaski Day by the end of January. I will be bringing back Signed, Sealed, Delivered in January as well. I want to finish up a few short fics soon and then continue my sequel to Silk Road quite soon. I have several A/B/O fics in the works, including the sequel to Old Town Road. @masterwords and I will of course be continuing our soft Hotchreid saga in Missing Pieces of Sleep. And then, you know, in my spare time I plan to start up part 2 of Finding it Out to explore some complicated Moreid/Hotchreid love triangle stuff within the canon. So, I've got a few things going on, ya.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

@masterwords @eldrai @goobzoop @tobias-hankel @pandorasdreamings @fortheloveofwonderland