#I'm going to cry really hard won't I
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Physically, I'm already lying down.
Emotionally, I feel like I need to find a soft spot and crumple dramatically to the ground and lay down for a few weeks.
#sonder speaks#personal#but also if I wasn't fine with this being read/reblogged without context I wouldn't have posted it here#this week has been exhausting#I feel like I need permission from someone to go crawl into a nest and cry#one of my budgies died a few days ago#but I was looking after other animals that normally have a more dedicated caretaker#which was hard enough to handle that I couldn't really mourn my budgie much#especially when I need to keep happy around the remaining one so he doesn't grieve or get lonely#and I had to do a few specific tasks that are really really hard on me because nobody was there to help#and I tried to help my sister with things but none of the things worked#and a plan our family is excited about started to hit roadblocks#and one member of the family had a meltdown that triggered trauma in others in the family and drove things downhill#the family members at the center of this meltdown normally help me with chores and animal care#I was looking forward to them being home so I could rest and recuperatr and mourn#and now the meltdown has followed them here and it's built on top of years of other meltdowns and everything is tense#and of course it's bringing up old traumas and expectations and fears for me too#and I end up as a 30 year old feeling like he has 16 year old problems again#my whole body is tense#I'm not tired enough to sleep#I almost feel like crying for my budgie and all my fears and the things I let mysrlf get excited for#the things that either won't happen at all or are tainted by this veil of persistent bitterness that followed them home to me#almost#but I fear the possibility that crying could make things worse in any capacity#and I've struggled to cry for years anyway#so I'm just trying to use therapy tools to quiet the spiraling thoughts#and making this post because it feels like journaling without the pitfalls I fall into while journaling or talking directly to a person#hoping I'll get enough sleep that I don't accidentally trigger a sleep-deprivation/stress seizure my meds can't stop#and tomorrow I have to get back to studying which is very hard for me but gets me closer to making money#I liked when things were mostly good and calm and just sucked on a passive level -- can I have that again?
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being moved to a different classroom for my last week while the head of the program pretends she's doing me a favor but she's really doing my supervisor a favor 🙃
#she said she wanted me not to feel bad and be in a bad situation#but im p sure she did it bc my supervisor was up in the office talking shit ant me again this morning#she was acting all nice but 🤨#she's not nice soooo#also she didn't even follow up when i mentioned safety concerns for the kids when she asked why i was leaving#and she didn't ask me to stay#she did seem sympathetic but idk my co teacher thinks it was a favor to our supervisor to keep her happy#bc thry still think she walks on water#im so worried for the kids but it should be less stressful in t2#also the teacher i swapped with today saw me two hours later and she was like: girl i get it 💀💀💀#lmao#so sad for the kids tho#but excited abt new opportunities#but i did want to have the time to say goodbye to the kids#its probably better to transition them this way bc they'll still see me a little bit the last week but not all day#and get used to me not always being there#so they won't care as much when i'm completely gone the week after 😭#but they were crying at thebgate between the playgrounds today and it was really hard#i was holding finn's hand over the gate 🥺#then we combined classes for the end of the day on the playground and that was like 10 minutes before i went home#so they got happy for a bit then broke down again when i said goodbye 😭#teddy was screaming at the door the whole time after i left 😭#i watched thru the classroom window while the other teachers were consoling them and it was so sad 💔#i've only had one cry when i went home before but this time it was half of them#bc they barely saw me all day then i left as soon as they thought i was going to stay#anyway#i have a job interview tomorrow and surgery#and maybe a second job interview#trying to focus on that rn#still glad i'm quitting but 💔
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#y'all my anxiety has me spiraling as of late because it just feels like my whole life is falling apart at this point#i got fired from my job a couple of months ago and i've been scrambling to try and find a new one#i work part time at a store i really love but it pays shit#and i've had all of these interviews and no one wants to hire me and i just feel unhireable at this point and it's hard not to despair#and on top of that i'm struggling with my self esteem again#i know i'm not ugly per se but i'm struggling with feeling confident in the way i look as a big girl#and all of my old insecurities are rearing their ugly heads and i want to cry just thinking about it#and i feel like such a failure right now even though i know that life has its ups and downs but my stupid brain just won't chill#and i don't really have any friends in the area because they all either moved away or didn't live here to begin with#and i'm tired of living at home because of my stupid student loans and not being able to afford to live on my own#i have one person i hang out with and we just met and i don't want to scare them off because they're a great friend and person#and i just feel like i'm never going to meet anybody who's going to love me the way i want to be loved because of my looks#also because it's me. and i feel like i'm so flawed as a person that no one will ever fall in love with me#and i've just been feeling really alone lately and i'm trying to do things to make me feel better but it's just so HARD right now#and i love writing because it gives me a chance to explore some of my feelings and it's something i genuinely love to do#and i'm sitting here waiting for the day things start to get better. and i know we all joke and i'm gonna sounds so dumb for saying this#but i feel like i was meant to be famous? or do something great idk and it's something everyone has always told me#and idk if my feelings of inadequacy are because of that or what but i'm scared that my life is going to mean nothing in the end#anyway this was a lot and you can pretend like you didn't read it. i just wanted to write some of my feelings down
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college is killing me
#like I had to cancel housing because of how freaking expensive it is#and it's been two weeks since I filled out what I was told! was the form!#but after this time of nothing changing I finally called them and they said that I was still filed under housing and that even if I sent out#my request form that it would be updated after school starts#and now I might have to pay a 500 dollar drop fee despite putting in the request before that time period#I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry so hard#like I don't know how to handle any of this!! I have to change my schedule since I won't be on campus but how long is thay going to take#to set in? do I have to keep calling these people just to make sure I or they are not screwing me over???#this summer has been nothing but stress and I have been seeing such little reward#-18/10 do not recommend#kiya's ranting hours#sorry I haven't been so active my anxiety and depression have been really heightened lately and I'm on the verge of crying almost every day
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I'm fatigued, my back hurts, I accidentally spent like 3 hours sat downstairs in a chair that made our back feel worse because our executive dysfunction prevented me getting up and going back upstairs even though I only went down there to get one thing, and now I really need to lay down but if I accidentally fall asleep again I feel like I'll wake up, realise I fell asleep and also that I feel like I wasted a big chunk of the day, and I'll end up feeling even worse again
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#I went downstairs to get food but ended up having to wait longer than anticipated which is whatever#but then that meant I ended up sitting down and once we sit down it's like our brain stops being able to process that we can leave#I'll sit there the whole time going ''I need to get up and go back upstairs. I don't want to be sat here'' and just can't get up#I hate that this happens because while I know our executive dysfunction isn't our fault#and it's the exact same issue that stops us eating or drinking or going to the toilet or whatever when we need to#I still feel like I should be able to just get up and do the thing and just leave if I'm in a situation that I don't want to be in#and it's so hard to get other people to understand that I can't ''just leave'' because my brain just won't let that happen#like I want to but my brain won't register it as an actual thing I can do and it feels more like a weird abstract concept#than a thing I could actually do. it's like my brain can't connect the concept of the action to the act of doing it#and then I get frustrated because why can't I just do the thing that I know I should be able to do#and then I've spent hours not doing anything I meant to and mostly just feel like shit because of it and it keeps happening#and now I need to lay down and I know what's likely to happen if I do that#but I do need to listen to my body especially after getting stuck in a situation that makes our pain and fatigue worse#also we had to take pain meds earlier and that's definitely not helping with us feeling shit emotionally about all this#I hate having to navigate our brain and body just not functioning properly#I feel like we've had so little energy lately and it's reminding me too much of this time last year when we had that blood infection#I'm terrified of that happening again because we almost didn't get treatment because we started to assume it was just our new baseline#hmm apparently within like 5 minutes we've gone from ''ugh I wasted 3 hours'' to almost crying over medical trauma#I probably need to try and do something to calm us down but also I'm too tired to really do anything#which brings me right back to the issue that triggered this whole rant and me getting upset in the first place
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Me when the thing I've been really excited for happens and then it turns out really bad
#My friend came over to watch fnaf and they broke/ruined some of my stuff#They also invaded my privacy and made me feel bad#I didn't get to watch the movie in the way I thought it would go#I missed most of the matpat scene because of them#They also did a lot of things that just made me uncomfortable in general#I don't know why I still hang out with this person#My sister and brother participated in it which mad it worse#I'm adding more tags later probably#What really sucks is: I've wanted to not be their friend for like a year now#I've tried so hard#But I just can't not#“You can't leave them because you've been friends since kindergarten and you can't ruin that”#That's what my brain says#They make fun of my interests and hobbies#Yet I'm still friends with them#They've made fun of my friends who've done nothing wrong#And I won't let them go#I feel like it's my fault that all of this happened#If I wasn't crying that one day#I wouldn't have this problem#I liked them a lot too#They're such a good artist#They helped me through hard parts of my life#But that doesn't make them suck less#I hate that I'm going to be stuck with this person#If I leave them#People who are their friends are not going to leave me alone#Heck some of my friends might leave me#Idk man I'm tired and sad and didn't have a good fnaf movie experience#I like the movie
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Missing people and regretting shit o'clock
#why did i even let it come this far. 7 fucking months and i didn't realize what was going wrong so i could have saved it#i want him back fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck#was thinking of this notebook i filled for him with memories and poetry and quotes and general mushy things and goddamn#why am i crying i just looked at my desk and i don't have the heart to put everything in a box so i don't see it every day when i wake up#i know i can't change it and it's probably over for good now after i fucked some things up extra hard but fuck do i miss him#i wish i could have done something in time before even the thought of breaking up came up#just when i thought for once things are working out for me and it was really fucking good and happy until a week before it ended#guess i just can't be happy. i never could#i was really really willing to talk things out and fix whatever needs to be fixed while staying together#not go separate ways and maybe not so maybe definitely not possibly maybe see if we can try again in the future#which we (spoiler) apparently won't and i kinda came to terms with that but i still wish there was a possibility#or at least i would have liked to know from the beginning and not spend weeks hoping for a reunion and working towards that specifically#while i seem to be the only one with that goal#idk i just wish it had been more thought through and talked about properly so there wouldn't be the misunderstandings we deal with now#and like boundaries for the first two months or so after that but it takes two i guess#disclaimer i'm not bitter or mad at anyone just sad and nostalgic. if the person in question reads this i love you ok that won't change#deleting later but now i need to go back to sleep before i kill myself on a whim#mel talks#depressed bitch posting#i know i know i know i did some shit too that wasn't great and i'm not saying i'm innocent here i'm just so depressed about the situation#it's been seven goddamn weeks it never took me this long to get over anything before
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feeling a lot of big feelings tonight :(
#thinking a lot of big philosophical thoughts and have no outlet for them#so many things to say and yet so little words to convey them#times like this i really feel like a child again. wanna curl up and cry#but idk the tears won't come only everything else and i'm still so overwhelmed#can the world just stop for a week or two? if only#some people have asked me whats going on with me right now re: my little breakdown and there's just so much i don't even know where to star#so many things that all fall into each other#hard to decipher#sarah why
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I honestly wish my birthday wasn't in 2 weeks. I always get really depressed around my birthday.
#october 23rd everybody mark your calendars!#it's a monday and I have sweeney todd rehearsal that night so I probably won't even get to have my birthday on my birthday#I'm gonna be 24 years old it really shouldn't matter so much to me anymore but it does#but I'm not a kid anymore. my birthday isn't special to anyone but me anymore. to everyone else it's just another day.#well it's all I've got it's the only time I ever feel seen and like people care enough to pay even the slightest attention to me#i just recently realized that receiving gifts is a love language for me too and i honestly hate that i feel like such an asshole#it feels worse because I haven't been able to get even a shitty job since i graduated college and my family is fucking broke too#so when my sister said she already had my birthday present my mom just jokingly says 'at least someone's getting you something' !#i seriously almost started crying when she said that. i did not find that funny at all. she said the exact same thing about christmas#which i feel the same way about. I've just been having a horrible last like 2 years and now it's almost my birthday again and I'm still#exactly where I was last year. I'm trying so hard and I just can't make any progress.#I'm stuck and it just feels like there's nothing I can do about it at this point.#anyway sorry to be such a downer I'm gonna at least try to go to sleep#abby's self deprication hour#abby's insomia thoughts
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so they've asked me to finish out the year with this class
#my emotions....... are plentiful. i said yes but like...... the majority thoughts are of the negative asdjsdf#god it was just. an awful day and im just worried it won't get better?? but i guess i'm optimistic enough that i've said yes anyway#i just keep thinking that it can't get any worse than it's been but of course it can. i feel like i should have it sorted by now??#idk. it's really hard to judge what i'm being too hard on myself for and what is genuine criticism.#im just... gonna try and put in my own routines and emphasise expectations and hope for the best#and i come home and dad wants help making tea straight away but excuse me dad i need to go and cry rn i don't have time for dinner frankly#my post tag
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#so today i broke down and fully cried over realizing the reality that i probably won't be able to go see Taylor on this tour#and i felt so stupid for it like crying over not getting to see a concert seems so trivial and i mean so many reasons but like#and like i don't cry much anymore like I've been through and am in so much pain and horrible stuff constantly and so much stress and trauma#but I've built up strength to not cry over those things like if i did I'd just be crying nonstop so i channel my emotions into trying to#solve the problems and like still I'm so unbelievably stressed but like also as an empath i feel everything really deeply but usually lately#the things that make me cry are more like sweet animal rescue videos acts of kindness touching stories or really deeply inspirational or#relatable things in books etc but so like I'm like mad at myself for crying over this but#i checked the stubhub like prices for what tix are going for and it's fucking over 500 a pop for nosebleeds i just#it's infuriating the scalping and how many hard core fans are unable to go bc of that but rich ppl who aren't really fans i just. 1000 bucks#for 300 level is just no I'm sorry that's not ever gonna happen and i just#i really thought I'd just find tickets over time closer to the event like that's how I've done several concerts but then i looked and saw#that and I'm like oh my god and that's before fees and then there's the gas to get there the repairs that need to be done to the car to get#there all the other fees involved and in realizing oh my god like I've been overconfident and now i don't see a way and I'm so sad and i#just broke down its i know iy seems stupid but first this feels like something that might not happen again anytime soon if ever the way the#world is going out could be last chance and rep tour was the first time I'd been able to see Taylor to begin with and the experience was SO#amazing it's like the one thing i looked forward to this year that lifted me up in really dark times and again i feel shitty when there's so#many fans who never get to see her international too i just. I'm sorry I'm just like this breaks my heart on levels and like#i hate how money dictates everything i hate that i went to eds last tour tickets in the same venue were 30 DOLLARS and even the Taylor ones#i think were like 75 and now it's so high bc only scalping it's so fucked up and like I'm already in a really bad hole money wise bc of#an emergency issue that happened and I've got some scary medical things going on waiting on tests and having trouble with rent and food and#gas so like i can't even try to be like. you know? like justify trying to save up that much even when i got all this#i just.
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Character idea that I had at some point: A dance teacher who had to give up his own highly promising career as a performer after an injury, and now makes his living giving lessons to children. He comes off as stern, serious, and frighteningly strict, and even some of the parents have a hard time believing that the kids genuinely like him and enjoy the lessons. Which, to be fair, are frightening to watch with no context of what this is about.
The children go through their practices with downright eerie, automation-like, coordinated synchrony, with stern and focused looks on their faces, while the teacher circles them, observing and correcting, brandishing his cane like a weapon and every once in a while dramatically lamenting about how "you little vermin can't do anything right", and occasionally the music stops and the only sounds coming from the studio are of kids running and screaming while their teacher bellows about teaching them a lesson.
This, however, is all just method. He started the first lesson with the children by proposing a game: How about they play flea circus, where he is the cruel evil ringmaster and they are all his poor suffering little fleas. One of the girls starts crying, protesting that she doesn't want to be a flea. Well, how about mice? Mice are cute. The children accept these terms, and ever since they've spent dance lessons playing Evil Circus.
For reasons beyond adult comprehension, children of a certain age really love playing pretend in a setting where everything is Dark And Horrible And The Worst, and Evil Mouse Circus is exactly that. And whenever he picks up that the kids are starting to get too genuinely nervous or agitated, that's when he goes "that's it I'm going to beat all of you" which is their cue to take a break to run around screaming, while he chases them. He won't catch them and isn't even trying to, the kids just need to let the nervous energy out.
It looks horrible to an outside observer, but the kids are having an excellent time playing circus mice.
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#you know you're fucked when you just can't read fanfics without feeling like you're going to cry even if they're not sad stories#it's not about the story. it's about the writing itself.#i told the same thing about my writing to both of my friends yesterday. first it wasn't planned and i cried while opening up about#everything behind my writing and the way i think about my writing and everything#and when i told it to my other friend too it was planned because i wanted them to know too and i thought i won't cry again#but i was so wrong because i sobbed so hard i felt like i can't stop and can't breathe#and now i'm reading a story thinking about how the words are put together and how the author describes the things and i just want to cry#there are so many things going on deep down guys#and for some reason now that i opened up about this thing it became even more difficult. even though i thought it'd help.#i mean okay it helps my friends knowing what's going on but... i feel like my struggles just starting to become harder#which is pretty strange because i didn't really have any big problems for like 60+ stories#but then things changed i guess#my useless posts
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#tw animal death#dog died#no my dog but my mom's boyfriend's#he was a really old dog and a good boy#I know I would be the only there while he passed#I wish his family was here but medical stuff prevented that#I won't go into detail about that#the poor kids are going to be devastated#I stayed with him in his final moments#I wish he wasn't in so much pain#this added to my depressiveness yesterday his breathing was getting worse#I should be crying and mourning right now#I feel awful#Maybe I'm still processing? or I really am that empty#maybe also because I didn't know him for that long#feel bad for the other pup he won't have another dog to keep him company anymore#it's so quiet without his hard breathing#sorry to bring this up
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*TURN SOUND ON & UP :)
JJK MEN (GOJO, TOJI, CHOSO, GETO, SUKUNA, NANAMI) X READER
case files: doppelgänger curses have been running rampant and causing chaos around tokyo impersonating everyday civilians including sorcerers. jujutsu society has set up veils and your boyfriend has given you strict orders not to lower them to let anyone in the house but him—but how do you know if it’s really even him?
report notes: I love this game! If you haven't played go play a few rounds @ thatsnot-myneighbor[DOT]io (its free and all online). edit—choso up! nanami next!
kinktober 2023-2024 m.list | original teaser
𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙽𝙴𝙸𝙶𝙷𝙱𝙾𝚁𝚂 𝙱𝙾𝚈𝙵𝚁𝙸𝙴𝙽𝙳𝚂:
🗂️—𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝟶𝟶𝟷........... THE STRONGEST
alias: 𝚐𝚘𝚓𝚘, 𝚜.
visitor log: its midday and your clingy-ass boyfriend—gojo satoru—should be hard at work right getting rid of these doppels not knocking at your door—gotta be a fake... right?!
classifications: bimbo!reader (canonverse of otaku!gojo's bunny!reader), yandere-esque Gojo, nipple play, recorded sex, lots of sex toys, dirty talk, panty theft, extreme overstim + slight omorashi.
🗂️—𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝟶𝟶𝟸........... THE SORCERER KILLER
alias: 𝚏𝚞𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚛𝚘, 𝚝.
visitor log: an extra toji fushiguro should be double the trouble and double the fun but neither likes to share, you know for sure which ones your toji—but do you really even care?
classifications: bratty!reader, brat taming, breeding, baby trapping, hair pulling, spit play + creampies, jealousy, grump!toji, daddy kink
🗂️—𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝟶𝟶𝟹........... THE CULT LEADER
alias: 𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚘, 𝚜.
visitor log: you shouldn't have even been watching the gate bunny, that's much too hard for you! so when you inevitably fuck up, your cult leader boyfriend—geto suguru—has the perfect punishment planned for you and your pretty pussy wait..in front of his entire congregation tho!?
classifications: dumb bimbo!reader, canonverse of nerd!geto's bunny!reader, cult rhetoric, dark themes, sensory deprivation/amaurophilia, punishment, humiliation, shibari, edging, overstim, exhibitionism, toxic jealousy, possessiveness, yandere Suguru, drugged sex, cnc/free-use reader, mentions of orgies/group sex and a bit of forced breeding.
🗂️—𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝟶𝟶𝟺........... THE SORCERER SALARYMAN
alias: 𝚗𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚒, 𝚔.
visitor log: your sweet boyfriend, nanami kento, promised he'd come visit you tonight bunny. awe baby, don't cry, you're sure that's actually him at the door but you'll run through your checklist just to make sure, won't you?
classifications: error 404—case report not found (finalizing)
🗂️—𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝟶𝟶𝟻........... THE BIG BROTHER
alias: 𝚔𝚊𝚖𝚘, 𝚌.
visitor log: crazed with quarantine boredom, you can't help but to tease your naive lil' roommate—choso kamo—but you'll know when to stop before it goes too far—or have you already let the real Choso in?
classifications: mommy kink, affectionate cruelty/cuteness aggression, begging, teasing, virgin!choso, creampies, masturbation, panty theft, mentions of menophilia.
🗂️—𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝟶𝟶𝟼.......... THE KING OF CURSES
alias: 𝚜𝚞𝚔𝚞𝚗𝚊, 𝚛.
visitor log: thinking no curse would be stupid enough to enter his palace, when the king of curses comes home to find you fucking his doppel it's not going to end well for either of you—R.I.P. your pussy sis, any last words?
classifications: error 404—case report not found (finalizing)
𝙲𝙰𝚂𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝙿𝙾𝚁𝚃𝚂 𝚅𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙵𝙸𝙴𝙳 𝙱𝚈 𝚂𝙿𝙴𝙲𝙸𝙰𝙻 𝙳.𝙳.𝙳. 𝙰𝙶𝙴𝙽𝚃 𝙱𝙻𝙺𝙺𝙸𝚉𝚉𝙰𝚃 — 𝙳𝙴𝙿𝚃 𝙾𝙵 𝙰𝙵𝙵𝙰𝙸𝚁𝚂: 𝚂𝙼𝚄𝚃 𝙳𝙸𝚅𝙸𝚂𝙸𝙾𝙽.
xoxo 💋
report notes: yo so this was meant to be about 4k total and instead it turned out to be 4k per story so i'm breaking it up (fully completed 3 and making last minute edits on the others, so staggering them out). Consider this a kinktober all on its own lol (still doing stuff left over from last years though). btw—everyone who asked on my official taglist, kinktober or the teaser will still be tagged on each individual story but you can comment below if you haven't asked to be tagged already.
©blkkizzat 2024. do not steal works or gfx, do not translate.
#☾﹒✖☠𝘬𝘪𝘻𝘻𝘢𝘵𝘰𝘣𝘦𝘳#✎ᝰ𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉¢σσкѕ#✎ᝰ𝓀𝒾𝓏𝓏𝒶𝓉¢σσкє∂тнαт#kinktober#toji fushiguro smut#gojo satoru smut#choso kamo smut#sukuna smut#gojo smut#choso x reader#geto suguru smut#jjk x reader#gojo x reader#toji x reader#nanami smut#jjk smut#choso kamo x reader#sukuna x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#geto x reader#satoru x reader#nanami x reader#toji fushiguro x reader#jujutsu kaisen#gojo x you#suguru x reader#choso kamo x you#tnmn#tnmntober#thats not my neighbor
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simon being protective of his mail order bride scratches all the right spots in my brain.
mail-order bride
you're almost relieved when you hear the knock at the door. you've been a holding a tree pose for a few minutes too long, and the girl hosting the online yoga class is starting to fry your eardrums with her too-perky voice.
you're sweating bullets, and her hair hasn't moved a fucking inch out of her ponytail.
you mute the television, wiping your forehead before making your way to the front door. you open it with a sigh, not really knowing what you expected to see, but it certainly wasn't the average-dressed man standing on the steps there.
you blink, raising a brow when his eyes roam over you, and you realize suddenly that you're wearing workout clothes, which is showing off a little more than you'd like to some rando standing on your doorstep.
"uh..." you look around a little. "i'm sorry, can i help you?"
he smiles. it's a little unnerving.
"right, yeah, i'm starting a business around here, and i wanted to ask if you've been needing any help with any fixtures around the house. i'm giving a 50% discount if you give me a rating on google."
you open your mouth for a moment, frowning.
"uhm..." you shake your head, "sorry. we don't need any help right now."
"you live here alone? sometimes it's hard to spot when the electric's on the piss, y'know? need a keen eye," he laughs, coming up one of the steps. you shake your head again.
"no, thanks."
he's a wiry man, but he's tall (not taller than your husband, but taller than you). you step back a little and start to close the door. he comes up the steps. out of the corner of your eye, you see the cat slip out between your legs, hissing a little as the distance closes between you and the man.
"wait! can i give you my contact info? i don't have a card, but i can leave you my--"
the sound of simon's truck pulling into the garage gets both of you to look behind. simon doesn't even park all the way inside. he throws the truck door open, stepping out of it, and the man on your steps moves back away from you immediately, making his way off the little porch.
simon looks huge, more so than ever. his steps are heavy, boots hitting the ground like a warning bell, and he's wearing just a short-sleeved shirt that's showing off those glorious fucking arms. you have never doubted simon's strength, but he looks like he could flip a car with the anger that's leaving him in heavy waves. you're surprised that you are not afraid; you just know somehow that simon won't touch you.
"oi!" simon yells, and the man definitely understands he picked the wrong fucking house to be a creepy salesman at when his knees nearly buckle as he tries to walk away. "where the fuck do y'think y'r goin', you twat?"
you sigh deeply, not realizing how much you were shaking until you notice your hands trembling around the doorknob. you watch as simon catches the guy by his dirty jean jacket, nearly lifting him completely off his feet as he drags him towards the fence gate.
"hey! hey! i didn't do anything!"
"i saw ya, ya fuckin' arse, know exactly wot the fuck y'were doin'," simon growls, tossing him onto the sidewalk. he hits the pavement with a cry, holding onto his arm, and simon slams the fence gate closed before pointing at him accusingly. "'f i ever see ya anywhere near m'fuckin' house or even askin' m'wife for so much as fuckin' directions, i'll cut y'r bloody prick off, y'hear?"
you blink as simon comes closer, the cat retreating back into the house once they see him. he keeps walking, crowding you back into the house before he shuts and locks the front door. his chest is heaving, black t-shirt doing nothing to hide the puff of his chest and how large he makes himself when he stands up to other men. he doesn't even need to make himself larger; simon takes up enough space for two men combined.
"he touch you?" simon asks, his voice low. you see his fists clench, and you have no doubt that if you said yes, simon would go outside and paint the pavement a new color with the man's face.
you shake your head frantically, and he lets out a deep breath, reaching up and wrapping a hand around the back of your head and pulling you close.
he bends, pressing his masked forehead against yours, closing his eyes as he breathes in slowly. he rubs at the nape of your neck, soothing you, and you smile when he pulls away, giving him those big eyes that say thank you, thank you, thank you.
simon cocks his head, staring behind you, and you turn with him to see the cat blinking slowly at the two of you from it's place on the windowsill.
"should get you a fucking guard dog instead," simon mutters, pulling his mask off and kicking his boots into the corner. you smile as he walks away, trying to cool your warm cheeks with the backs of your hands.
doesn't he know you already have one?
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