#My sister and brother participated in it which mad it worse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

missyasf · 4 years

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Game Of Hearts

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↳ Summary: Your life is in monotonous tones of grey, day in, day out. Nothing matters besides your sister, the only thing you remember is seeing fireworks before waking up to Tokyo abandoned . Soon enough you are properly introduced to the deadly Borderlands where you must fight for your life in Games to survive. When things can’t possibly get worse soon division arises and rivalries are made. No matter what though, you are constantly plagued by a blonde who, no matter how hard you try, just can’t seem to go too far without.

↳ Pairing: Chishiya/Reader

↳ Genre: Angst, smut, thriller

Word Count: 11k

___| Next

Trigger Warning: ⚠️ much like the manga/Netflix adaptation this will be a dark fic which includes mentions of prostitution, attempted murder, child ab*se, sexual harassment, heavy grief and attempted suic*de among other things. Additional warnings will be added for chapters when triggers are brought up. Please read with caution if these are triggers for you or just skip all together!

Side mention: This could be considered a prequel to the current Alice In Borderland. I’m writing based off the Manga bc I was a glutton and couldn’t wait no spoilers will be present as of...

Escapism

noun

the tendency to seek distraction and relief from unpleasant realities, especially by seeking entertainment or engaging in fantasy ♡

You had known all about this during your short lifespan, as a child you’d often play pretend with your sister that you were movie stars living in a five star hotel rather than the shitty busted up apartment on the wrong side of town. Escapism came in, many forms. It was often a way for people to cope psychologically, simply because sometimes, facing the reality of your situation can be too much for one person to handle mentally.

Or at least, that was the topic of your lecture today in class. The human mind always fascinated you. Even at the young tender age when your mom died and you watched your once cozy little family fall apart piece by piece until nothing was left in its wake.

It was your fascination that drove you now for most things, why? Why, why, why? You always wondered what the motive was behind someone’s actions, not only thing but you wanted to understand them better, to try and sympathize. You were already fairly intuitive in nature. It wasn’t difficult to read people. In fact your line of work made it easy, you’d watch a man who would be excited to be with you reach for his left finger as if used to touching something. A wedding band perhaps?

The lowlife cheater was fairly common in a whore house after all. Or the man who had been pissy this morning behind you in line because you had decided to try something new on the menu and you weren’t fast enough, obviously because he was tardy and woke up late, his shirt unbeknownst to him was button the wrong way and his tie loose and even the way his hair fell were all signs of being late to work.

It was the little things you noticed in people’s facial expressions, the way they moved and spoke. You could read people like a book, and sure sometimes it was useful. But you often wished you weren’t so perceptive. It drove you mad knowing when a potential love interest was no longer interested through a simple text or a friend not wanting to talk by their tone. Sometimes you wished you could just blot it all out, still, you lived like this day in and day out, you were used to this kind of thing and honestly. Friends? Love? Your gaze dropped a little to your feet, the pumps you were wearing a jet black and the heel too high for any respectable woman to ever wear.

...It wasn’t like you ever had any of those in your life and you had struggled to come to terms with the fact that you could survive without that kind of support. Still...it made you envious, the couple happily holding hands on the sidewalk. The group of friends all laughing at a table while they studied. Oftentimes these feelings are muted, but when you’re faced with something you’ve always craved, those muted feelings suddenly become hyperactive in your mind.

It’s pathetic, honestly.

“How dare you! You disgusting slut!”

In this moment however, you were brought back to reality at just what was happening, you squeaked loudly as you dodged the shoe the woman had thrown at you. This was all a regular occurrence, you had a lot of regulars who weren’t the most amazing people but hey, money was money. But along with them they also left a trail which their wives and girlfriends always followed. And then they always blamed you instead of their partner for leaving them for a prostitute despite you never having agreed to anything such as that.

It really wasn’t your fault, you were just trying to make a living while juggling with keeping up your own education, paying your fathers debts, rent and still somehow getting food on the table. What part time college job could provide that?

Prostitution wasn’t a job you would’ve gone into willingly but given the past and your trauma that was already laced in it you had been learning that sometimes because of the trauma we experience, sometimes people go back to that same trauma and actively participate in it as a way of feeling like they’re in control.

That whatever happened before, would never happen again if you were in control. You weren’t sure if you qualified under this category, trauma came in many forms but the one most used as an example in your class was that a study showed that women who were assaulted often develop a kink for consensual non consent as a way of coping with what happened, except this time, it’s in a controlled environment where it can end the moment they want it too.

Again, you weren’t sure you fell into this category, but you often wondered if your line of work was intertwined with your earlier memories when you were younger, if anything it brought comfort to you. Much of it, blotted out now simply because your mind couldn’t take it. Trauma expressed through amnesia was also much more common than many thought, and it’s so small, so easy to miss. After all how can you be aware of something if you have no memory of it anymore?

“Security!” Your manager screeched, two of the bodyguards were already between you and the feral woman who was ready to gut you clean as she screamed hysterically, her husband...your regular....at her side trying to get her to calm down only for her to come to her senses and slap him clean across the face. You didn’t condone violence, but he did have it coming...

You weren’t about to justify cheaters, you couldn’t imagine the hurt someone had to feel that not only did their partner cheat on them, but it was with someone...like you...You had been trying not to put down your job occupation, sex workers were just as valid as anyone else...you knew you would’ve thought this way if it was anyone but you in this position.

You sighed as you ran your hands through your hair, watching the couple get dragged out of the tight space of the brothel, “Jesus christ....didn’t you say you stopped using perfume because of this?” Miki, your manager sighed as she crossed her arms. You didn’t want to say your manager was your friend but she was the closest you had as you’d often complain to her about most of your problems. Sex work often attracted broken people, it wasn’t something she wasn’t used to.

“Yeah, but apparently he never got around to washing his clothes…” You wiped your mouth on the back of your hand, “Lipstick stain,” You glanced down at the ruby pink color that stained your skin now, “Fuck...that did hurt.” You rubbed your sore cheek that was still throbbing from where she had first slapped it when she ripped the door open of the room where she got to see with her own eyes you riding her husband.

It had happened so many times now you weren’t even embarrassed about someone walking in let alone a partner. Miki gave you a lopsided smile as she patted your shoulder, “Guess that just pays for being one of the best here. Did you at least get paid.”

You nodded, “Yeah, I always make them pay in advanced but I was hoping to get a tip afterwards...He was a lawyer so you know he had good money.” You sighed, crossing your arms, you were well aware of his partner because a lot of the time he didn’t even come in for sex anymore. It was funny how humans work.

He often felt his wife was overbearing and you had suspected some sort of verbal abuse by the way he talked about her constant screaming. Truthfully, you don’t think he ever intended on cheating with her. He just wanted someone to talk to without being judged, you could relate with sympathy to that, but he unfortunately chose to walk into a brothel instead of a therapy clinic and this truly was the only inevitable outcome. Still, you hope if for anyone’s sake, he gets that divorce for himself.

“Hey I think I’m gonna call it a day. I need to get back to Nanami, she was wanting to talk to me about college applications.” You sighed as you rubbed your neck, ever since she had graduated high school she had been chomping at the bit to start applying for college, maybe to just get out of the house and into a dorm. You couldn’t blame her and if she did that it would lighten your load a little.

Guilt washed over you at the thought as Miki chuckled, “They grow up pretty fast huh? My brother was the same way, except the moment he found out I was a sex worker was the moment he called me a whore and we haven’t talked since. That was probably about five years ago,” She crossed her arms as she sighed, “Crazy how the things we do for the ones we love, never appreciate our effort...I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“If I’m not bruising.” You offered a weak smile as you nodded at her before going back to your room to get changed. Truthfully, you much like anyone else, often wished you could go to a world where reality wasn’t a concept any longer. Where you could lay out in the sun for the whole day and just soak up it’s rays with no worries or trepidations.

But sooner then later everyone had to face their fears. Even you, you supposed. But no matter how hard you fought your demons, they always came back tenfold. Again, you supposed your story was no different from tens of thousands, and yet you all live on regardless. Maybe it’s you who should be the one seeking therapy. Pulling on your jeans and the cropped top over your head before pulling the jacket over your arms and grabbing your bag.

The walk home was as quiet as ever, your hood over your head and earbuds any unwanted attention, it wasn’t too late at night, only eleven PM and your work had just been getting started but that had ruined the night for you and besides, you had already failed a test today, you could use the sleep tonight.

Occasionally you’d hear the sirens of a cop car passing by or a bystander shout, nothing out of the ordinary in this neighborhood. Walking up to the apartment complex you pulled the key from your bag as you unlocked the door. Quietly stepping insides as you shut the door before locking it once more. Your nose wrinkled at the smell of stale air mixed with rotten...something…

If anything, you were always lacking in something, you had been so busy most of the day that you never had time to clean anything leaving the house in a horrible state. Not that you thought this was much of a house.

Walking down the narrow hallway you opened the rickety door with a missing lock as you gave a brief smile to the small clump of bedsheets. Your sister was curled up and on her phone, eyes darting to the door with a hint of fear before she jumped up, “Y/n! You’re home earlier from night shift already!?”

You offered a smile as you set down your bag and nodded, sitting down on the mattress that laid on the floor as you replied, “Yeah, a coworker needed the extra hours so I let them cover for me tonight. Besides, you wanted to talk about college applications?” Your sister was under the impression your late night job was bartending at some hole in the wall downtown, where in all actuality you just went there to drink a few days and talk to the loud and sometimes obnoxious, but good hearted bartender who loved talking about his nerdy underaged friends that couldn’t do anything beside stay and drink soda.

It wasn’t that you didn’t think your sister would accept you, if she knew what you were actually doing. Fear, most times came in many different forms and this was one of them. You simply didn’t want to be judged, even by her. So nobody in your life truly knew who you were, and therefore, how could you hold the expectation for people to accept you into society if you were already self sabotaging yourself?

All philosophy aside, you were simply a lost soul, looking for your way in the cruel reality called life.

“Yes!” Nanami was chipper as always as she squealed, clapping her hands, “I…! I was thinking about applying to the university you attend! Maybe I'll get a grant and move into the dorms there? I already applied for several jobs, I’m just waiting on a callback!”

You offered a small smile as you hugged your knees to your chest, “I think you’d like it there, there’s lots to do around campus. But what will you go in for? The only advice I can offer is be sure it’s what you want to do.”

Nanami’s face faltered a little as she hummed, “Well...I thought maybe working with animals? I’d love to be an assistant surgeon in veterinarian? I know it’s a pretty...sad job but...I really like the idea of being able to heal such innocent things.” Your smile tugged into a gentle one at your sister. She was too tender for this world.

It had been your goal sense the day your mother died that you took care of your sister, it didn’t matter what happened to you. You could rot for all you cared at the end of the day, all you wanted was to look up and see your sister's smile and her happiness in life blossom. She more than anyone deserved it.

“I think you’ll be great at it.” You encouraged as you rested your chin on your hand, always happy to see her bounce in excitement as you yawned, your body was used to your demanding schedule but it was always more than happy to welcome a few extra hours of sleep.”

Hearing the door loudly slam close caused you both to jump, Nanami hurriedly crawled back in bed, pretending to be asleep as you frowned. Your dad must’ve come back home from wherever he was.

“Y/n! Just stay here! Can’t you talk to him later?” Nanami looked scared, she always did when he was around. But you weren’t about to stand down to the bastard any day of the week, you offered a weak smile as you replied.

“It’s fine Nami, I’ll be just a few minutes.” You replied, you knew that she knew, that was probably a lie. But you’d try your best, for her sake at least. But somebody had to put this guy in his place occasionally and it was always you. It results in a lot of screaming sometimes, other times he’d break down in tears or on a bad occasion you’d get shoved to the ground, a few times hit. Nothing major.

Walking out of the room you leaned against the wall of the entrance of the hallway watching your father stumble around in the living room, “Did you finally talk to the loan company?” You called out as you asked, not in a forgiving mood tonight. He had said he’d do this for two weeks in a row. The company that sank your whole family into the ground. The reason your mother couldn’t take it anymore and put a blade to her wrist.

Your father stood up, looking a little wobbly, obviously drunk, “Now listen here little girl I don’t have shit to own to you or anyone else.” You sighed as you tucked your tongue into your cheek, annoyance flowing inside you as you straightened up. You weren’t going to be bullied into being scared of this guy.

“Actually you do,” Your smile twisted into something more sharp, more bitter and sinister as you walked forward, “See, if you hadn’t of gotten involved in something shady like loan sharks we wouldn’t be drowning in debt and mom wouldn’t have killed herself because of you and both your daughters wouldn’t hate you. I know you drink away all our money in some pathetic attempt to escape from the cold reality that you fucked up your whole life and watched your family slip from your fingers while not even trying to do anything other then put us in further shit,” You closed your eyes as you tilted your head, “But the least you could do, is admit that. You owe us at least that for being a total fuck up.”

You opened your eyes to find pure rage brewing in your fathers eyes as you smiled once more, this time a false sense of sickly sweet tone to it as you shrugged, “Or you could live in denial, at this point, there really isn’t anything you can do to get anyone back ♡ ”

You had turned around, planning to tell Nanami that maybe she should go sleep over at a friends house today but you never got the chance, suddenly being slammed into the wall and flecks of spit hitting your face, “I am your fucking father! I deserve respect from you and your worthless sister! Do you know how much I provide for you both?”

Anger splintered through your veins as you grabbed onto his wrists, his fingers digging into your neck as you squirmed, “Like fucking what!? A shitty broken down apartment that your vacant from because you’re too fucking ashamed of yourself to even look at us sober!?”

Much like years in the past you weren’t surprised to hear Nanami cry as she rushed out of the room at the sound of you both screaming, “Stop!” She cried out, trying to break you both up, “Stop! Don’t fight! Why…! Why can’t we all just get along!” She sobbed only for your dad to shove her down making her curl up in defeat.

Alarm bells were triggered in your head at the sight of Nanami on the ground, she had never actually gotten hurt while in your sight and it was triggering something deep inside you as you watched him stalk up to her. Your hands shaking and rage boiling in your mind as you grabbed the closet thing you could find. An empty beer bottle on the table.

Your vision blurred and you don’t quite remember what happened other than glass shattering over his head and the brute force of you shoving something before blood was stained on your hands.

How did you end up sitting against the wall? Why was there….blood on your hands…? Your fingers trembled at the metallic sticky substance. All you could hear were Nanami’s sobs and cries as she frantically pushed herself away from the body slumped on the ground.

“You…! He…!” Nanami’s eyes brimmed with tears as you heard a loud boom making you jump, your eyes darting to the open window where….fireworks, big and bold crashed and crackled before you felt like you were sucked into a vortex making your whole vision black out.

Your head felt fuzzy and there was ringing in your ears as you groaned, curling up into yourself as the darkness beckoned you closer before you forcibly opened your eyes. You were laying against the hardwood floor. Beams of light streaked through the window and you could see dust particles in the air against the shower of sunshine that streamed in.

...Wait...Light? The thought had perplexed your head enough to make you push up from the ground, memories pulling into your mind as your breath became shallow, suddenly looking to the side where...you slumped against the wall. It must’ve just been a bad dream….your eyes flickered to Nanami’s curled up figure...a really vivid dream…? Something wrenched in your gut as you rubbed your eyes. What happened? “Nami…!” You whispered, forcing your muscles to move despite their protest as she whined.

After another moment she reluctantly opened her eyes, flickering around before she suddenly scrambled up, taking a deep breath as if realizing what had happened before, looking towards where your dad once was she frowned, “...I...What…” She seemed just as perplexed as you and if her face was anything to go by, last night had obviously happened, “Is dad…” She looked at the absent place of the floor.

Leaning against the wall your eyes darted around the room, “I guess so…” You silently felt relief at knowing your dad was still very much alive as you leaned back as you closed your eyes, trying to remember what had happened before everything went dark...oh..! The fireworks...had it been a celebration last night? Your brows pinched together, something felt...off...getting up you opened the door to the apartment walking out.

“Y/n? Y/n! Hey! Where are you going!” Nanami called out, quickly chasing after you as you frowned, cars were parked odd and there was no one out on the street...as in...at all...Something was very wrong and you couldn’t figure out what.

“Wow...it..must be a slow day…” Nanami felt a sense of discomfort at the lack of life as you both walked down the side walk, it didn’t just feel like a slow day it felt, apocalyptic. As if humanity just left on it’s own leaving nothing but an empty city behind. Cars were parked on the curb and a few even left in the street.

“No, it’s like everyone vanished...This is really weird.” You wrapped your arms around yourself as you frowned, looking around as you came closer to where typically it would be a booming part of the downtown but it was empty, just as everything before.

“Well, maybe it’s a national holiday?” Nanami rubbed her head, trying to make sense of the situation just as much as you, surely everyone wasn’t...gone...right? She looked around as she bit her lip, second guessing herself at all the cars that were vacant, “Hey Y/n.”

You paused as you looked at your sister, curving an eyebrow as she offered a weak smile, “What if everyone got raptured away like they talk about in christanity?” Your expression flattened as she giggled, obviously getting a rise out of you as you crossed your arms.

Raptured? Where? To heaven? “Wouldn’t it be fire and brimstone then if that was the case?” Nanami pouted at your words as you shrugged, snickering yourself at her expression, the tables now turned as you sighed, “I don’t think there’s anyone left in Tokyo...I mean, it feels like...we’d have seen someone by now...right?”

“Well…” Nanami frowned once more, a little disturbed at your words as she spoke, “There’s no way everyone could be gone I mean, where would they go? And how could we miss something like that...Maybe the police found us and now we’re under some weird simulation.”

Chills spilled down your spine as you shoved her making her whine, “Don’t say that! That makes me feel all weird…! I didn’t…!” You cut yourself off, you didn’t what? Murder your own dad in cold blood...you looked down at your hands, they were free of any blood but it still felt like something like sin lingered. Like no matter where you went, it would always be stuck to you.

You didn’t like this, not one bit. Briefly you felt the urge to go hunt down your dad, he was a deadbeat but you would never...you’d never kill him....Right?

“Well…” Nanami hummed her eyes scanning ahead before they jumped to the mall that was up ahead, “Hey…! If nobody is here...maybe we could make use of it! Come on! Let's go!” You yelped at her grabbing your arm before dragging you ahead. Cars were all parked and yet not a single person exited through the mall's entrance. Something just felt off! You wrapped your arms around yourself as you warily looked around the empty mall, “Nanami I really don’t like this!” You looked around, concern bubbling inside you as she ran ahead into the store, digging through the section of clothes as she giggled.

“Relax! I doubt any of this is real and even so…! Who’s going to stop us!?” She shrugged as she bounced in excitement, “Oh my god! I had dreamed of something like this happening! Now we can do whatever we want! Go wherever we want! Y/n!” She gasped with a smile, “Now we don’t even have to worry about money!”

“We don’t even know if this is permanent.” You looked around warily, not partaking as she began plucking off the racks, “Regardless of what this is, I don’t like it. I want to go back home, our home. This just doesn’t…” You shook your head, “This just doesn’t feel right.”

“Well you can feel that way!” Nanami clacked her tongue as she gave a childish smile, “But I’m gonna go through this whole store and get a new wardrobe so feel free to sit on the bench and tell me what you think looks good!”

Looking away you sighed, unable to pinch the anxious feeling you had away as you sat down reluctantly as Nanami went into the changing room. Well...at least she was smiling and she was happy...With each outfit Nanami tried out and giggled, you giggled with her and maybe things weren’t so bad after all…

“What a perfect day.” Nanami hugged you close as she sighed, yawning as you looked up at the sky in awe, you had seen a single star while living in Tokyo before, but now it was filled with constellations and millions of stars that stretched for miles. You could stare at it for days and days. The sun had just set a little over half an hour ago and you were ready to retire and find something to eat at the apartment.

You and Nanami had tried going to the food court but much to your dismay everything had been...rotten...soiled and ruined, meaning there was no point in trying to find anything there and you were getting really hungry despite devouring bags of chips you had both got at the convenient store, another thing that stood out to you was that there was no electricity...at all..

Looking back up to the sidewalk something caught your eyes...was that…! Light!? “Hey! Nanami look!” You shook her making her squeak as she looked up ahead, “It’s the hospital! They have electricity there which means there’s other people! Of course! Why didn’t we think to check essential areas!? Come on! Lets go! I wanna figure out what happened.”

“Alright! It sucks that this is already over but at least I can finally charge my phone, the battery is pretty low.” Nanami nodded in agreement as you both made your way up the road.

The walk wasn’t too far and you felt excitement fill you at the sight of the hospital all lit up as you walked into the entrance, a frown slowly setting on your lips once more as you walked past the receptionist desk and…! Oh there’s other people!

You felt relief wash over your as you ran up, there were at least seven other other people here at least! “Hey! Guys oh my god. I thought everyone was gone! What’s going on?” You asked, smiling bright in relief that you and Nanami weren’t the only ones left behind. Was this some kind of evac point or…?

Silence ensued and you slowly began to frown as you felt everyone stare at you as if you were insane, “Um…” You wrapped a hand around your arm, suddenly feeling as if everyone knew something you didn’t, “What’s going on…?” You furrowed your brows as you tilted your head, unsure of why everyone was looking at you like this.

Somebody looked like they were going to talk to you, a guy relatively around your age but a woman stopped him- his girlfriend maybe? “Stop, the less that know the better chance we have.” She said quietly though you still heard just enough. Fear twisted inside you as you took a cautious step back...The...the less you knew?

“Wow, you guys are assholes,” A girl suddenly whistled out, she was sitting in a waiting chair, a cowboy hat on her head paired with distressed jeans and...a bikini top? Strange but you’d roll with it if it meant getting answers. She stood up as she offered a smile, “Akari, nice to meet ya’. You folk must be new to the Borderlands huh?” She jutted her bottom lip a little as you frowned.

“Um I’m Y/n and this is my sister Nanami...?” You introduced yourself despite feeling confused as you raised a brow, “Borderlands…?” You echoed, what was that supposed to be? Other than Tokyo?

Akari gave a nod as she let out a brief chuckle, as if amused by your confusion but you sensed she had no real ill will unlike....your eyes checked to the couple that stood off in the corner on their own, “That’s what they call it here,” She nodded in affirmation as your eyes darted back to her in confusion, “To be frank with ya’, I don’t have a damn clue what's going on. Nobody does. But ever since you crossed the threshold there’s no going back, so I’ll be brief. We’re all considered outsiders here and we participate in games at venues such as this to extend our stay.”

Nanami and you looked at one another confused as Akari waved you over to the table in front of a TV, “Here, you’ll wanna put these on, it’s for the game.” She explained as you carefully picked up the metal bracelet, something about it felt ominous as you reluctantly put it on, jumping at the way it latched together and there was no getting it off now, “Word of advice, just don’t panic and you probably won’t die.”

“What?!” You screeched as Akari smacked your back, panic evident in your voice as you turned around to face her making her laugh again, this girl was insane! She had to be! “You’re…! You’re joking!”

Akari wrinkled her nose as she tilted her head, “Ah shit, I wish I was- Oh…! There’s the last player!” Just on que everyone turned to look at who had arrived, someone heaving breaths with their hands on their knees as if they had sprinted. You were mildly worried at why he seemed so scared but you had a feeling that was the least of your problems right now.

“Y/n what’s going on…?” Nanami frightened grabbed your arm as she hid a little behind you due to all these immensing strangers that looked like they were ready to feed you to the sharks, literally.

The guy walked past you both as he put on his bracelet, your eyes sharp as you watched it latch together automatically, your gaze jumping to everyone's wrists to notice you were all now wearing one. The TV suddenly lit up.

Game

You squinted your eyes a little at the sight of the screen, just what were you about to unwillingly participate in…?

Difficulty: 5♣

“The game you will be participating in is, Monster under the bed.”

A playing card? Monster under the bed? Your brows furrowed as you looked at Nanami who shrugged a little despite her concerned expression, looking just as confused as you. You could’ve made a joke out of this, surely it would’ve been easier. Maybe everyone would bust out laughing and you’d be at the end of a poor joke but...somehow you felt that wasn’t the case. Thus paying very close attention to whatever was on this screen,

“Everyone will be sectioned off into pairs by the number chosen on your bracelet, when the doors to the ward open you will have three rounds ten minutes each to figure out who is the monster under the bed that must be returned to its own, once the ten minutes is up you must hide before you are found. If the selected pair that is the monster is chosen correctly it’s a Game Clear. If the monster is not found by the end of the third round or if the pair fails to hide it’s a Game Over.”

Rules:

Once the doors are open you and your partner must find a hiding spot by the time limit

Both partners must be hidden. If one is exposed to the monster it’s a Game Over for both partners

There will be an X marked on the ground to place the monster of your guess onto.

You will have three rounds of ten minutes each to find the monster.

Any attempt to remove bracelets results in a Game Over

If the monster is not found by the third round a Game Over.

The only Game Clear condition required is for the monster to be returned by the third round.

What…

What!?

“Now the game will commence, you have five minutes to figure out who you have been paired up with before the doors open.”

Your mind was blanking as you watched everyone look down at their bracelet, hurriedly you lifted your arm as your mind blanked 2 looking back at Nanami her lips were already quivering as she sniffled lifting her arm in defeat as your lips dropped open, 5.

“Hey! Guess you’re my partner!” Akari grinned as she wrapped an arm around Nanami who sniffled, “Oh…” She looked between you both, “Oh! Oh don’t worry! We’re not the monster so I’ll make sure your sister lives! You should go find your partner.”

Your hands trembled unsure of what to do before you went to hug Nanami, “Whatever happens just stay calm okay! I need to go find my partner now!” You whispered, kissing her cheek as she sniffled while nodding.

Everybody was shuffling around looking for their partner now, you passed by a few people, 4, 1, 3...did you even have a partner…? You scanned around, your throat tightening a little in panic, there had to be a mistake! There were only 8 people surrounding you- you yelped at the tight grip that suddenly held your arm forcing you to turn around to be met with a white hooded figure, a lollipop handle hanging and earbuds in before sighing, “So it appears I’m stuck with someone useless.” The man concluded as he stood up making you back away a little as your lips parted somewhat indignantly.

How...how rude! You looked up, unable to fully make out his face but you could tell you didn’t like him one bit, “I’ll…! First of all I’m not useless! I’m just trying to understand what's going on! This is insane! We aren’t actually going to die from this, are we!?” Pushing his hood down you were immediately met with a snide gaze and cat eyes that leered at you like you were nothing more then dirt beneath his feet, long blonde hair pushed behind his shoulders and his bangs hanging low, suddenly a viscous side smile appeared on his lips, “Apparently so, otherwise I wouldn’t have watched half my last game get their brains blown out and the other half hung.”

You reeled a little away from the blonde, your face dropped in semi horror, unsure if this was just a sick joke or he was serious. You searched his face a thousand times over, but for the first time in your life, you couldn’t figure out what his goal was. You couldn’t figure out anything about him, except he was exceptionally cold, “Well I don’t suppose I have much choice to doubt you,” He said with an annoying sing song tone as he rattled his wrist that showed the bracelet with a matching 2 on it, “My name is Chishiya, just stay out of my way and we’ll both live.”

How arrogant! You scoffed as he walked past you, not the least bit bothered at your offense as you whipped around, glaring at his back. How come out of everyone you got stuck with the most…! Pompous! Arrogant! Ugh! You crossed your arms as you followed behind him, stilling secretly sending daggers into his back with your eyes as everyone shuffled into the ward.

Hospital beds were scattered around the room, a few closets and one large vent at the bottom right corner of the room ahead.

“Wait, what is this?” The first person to speak was a fair thin older gentleman, he appeared friendly as he observed the room around him, everyone looked around in confusion as you noticed what he meant.

Any possible hiding spot was covered by either sheets of metal or locked tight...How were any of you supposed to hide if…!? The rules mentioned nothing about solving puzzles to gain access to a hiding spot!

“Forget that,” Another man said with a sneer he was broad and a bit older, well into his late twenties at least, perhaps a gym coach? Or maybe a wrestler of some sort? He looked like he could break you and nearly every other person in this room like a twig, “We need to figure out who’s the monster. “ He cracked his knuckles as you leered a little away and nobody spoke for a second.

Of course, who would out themselves as the monster, more importantly, how does one even know they’re the monster? You could immediately feel tension rise as the previous, more patient man spoke, a little more collected, “How about we just check one another's’ watches! If anywhere it would show us on that! One pair should work on solving these puzzles here so everyone has a place to hide”

“Unless the monster is among us and it sabotages us so we all die by the time limit.” The girlfriend crossed her arms as she darted her eyes around. Truthfully you didn’t know what to believe, the wording on the soundbox was rather confusing as to just what were you looking for. Was the monster supposed to be in the group or it’s own entity?

“If that were the case it would’ve showed up on our watches, which it didn’t. So that won’t work.” Chishiya spoke matter of fact, his tone cool as his eyes gazed across the room before he walked away from the group inspecting various hiding spots granted you didn’t think he was about to help anyone but himself, if anything you were at least lucky that him securing a hiding spot meant it was one for you as well.

You looked at everyone in confusion, some arguing while others scattered to look for a hiding spot as the clock ticked down. You breathed in relief at the sight of Nanami and Akari both going for a bed to hide under. Your gaze finally found Chishiya’s form before following him, unsure of what you were supposed to do, if anything outside trying to figure out just what the monster even was.

You glanced up at the digital clock that stood above the entrance you had just come in from, it was already a minute in before you searched the floor where you found a red X in the center of the room, that must’ve been the...what? Offering spot? You cringed a little at the idea. Looking forward you peered behind Chishiya’s shoulder deciding to not think about that, it seemed the metal sheet that had wrapped around the bed and was sealed to the ground was locked by some sort of metal device…? Contraption? Lock?

“Isn’t hiding under a bed a bit obvious…?” You frowned as you crossed your arms, unsure as you looked behind your shoulder once more to where accusations were already being thrown in the group.

“The vent is a decoy to make you waste time, I already checked,” Chishiya replied, his fingers nimble as they rattled the metal, “And even if someone were to accomplish it in the time limit it’s the most obvious spot the monster would first check. Next would be the closet given it’s at eye level and the first thing one is drawn too when they walk into a room.”

Your lips parted a little in surprise at his assessment...obviously he wasn’t just overconfident, “And why this spot?” If he had really thought about all this in less than a minute then...did he have a reason for this spot? You now found yourself, slightly less annoyed and a little more curious as to what was going on in his mind.

“If the monster were to check a bed it would be after his eyes are drawn to the closet. Next in that line of sight would be the vent directly across it, which would be his next place to look if not his first and vice versa. The beds are all staggered throughout the room making them less conspicuous compared to the other hiding places, the bed on the far end of the room would be no good.”

Your brows furrowed in curiosity at his assessment as you watched Chishiya blow a piece of hair from his face, wiggling out one piece of the knotted metal, “It’s too far from the entrance where as the one in the middle is by average the one most people would start with, where as the first? It’s almost too soon in the start to look there thus making it the safest.”

“It’s them! They’re over there conspiring!” You both twisted around to watch the broad man point an accusing finger at you both as your eyes darted from him to the clock on the wall, which read at six minutes. A few other pairs, relievingly so was your sister had started working on a hiding spot while a few others stood around and argued.

Your face coiled a little as you replied, not appreciating the accusation to such a baseless accusation, did they not realize the longer they argued the less time they had to secure a hiding spot? “Someone who’s terrible at playing the minority would often be the first to point fingers. There’s only six minutes left before the first round is over and we need to hide. But if you want to talk about this then sure,”

You stepped closer as you crossed your arms, scanning over him before continuing, “Let’s talk about the chances of you being the monster, ever since you first came in you’ve been all twitchy and acting like something is wrong. Even when we first got paired up, you seemed a little panicked. Anyways,” You turned around as you spoke, “How do we know one pair is a monster and not one single person?”

“Eh,” Akari sat on the bed that her and Nanami chose as Nanami fumbled to work out the puzzle, she had always been good at those! You felt assured as your heart beat frantically at the idea of them not being able to get a hiding spot in time, “Let’s all calm down,” She gave an awkward laugh, “This isn’t a hearts game, we shouldn’t divide our trust. This is a team building after all which means this game should be making us work together, the last thing we need to do is throw that away on our own accord.”

“...Team building?” You frowned as you murmured having not been aware that this was some sort of game category...Hearts? Clubs? The memory of the playing card flashing on the screen appeared in your mind again, right...was that to stand for some kind of game genre? If Clubs stood for team building then...there should be no reason that the monster is any of you. Why would they even suggest that to begin with?

Then...what was the monster?

“One minute remaining.”

The lights suddenly began flickering, “Got it.” Chishiya yanked the last piece of metal undone as he pulled the sheet of metal off, everyone was now scrambling and the few who had not done their puzzle were now panicking. Getting down you crawled under the bed, your back flat to the ground as you inhaled sharply as you noticed the lights beginning to dim, “This is...uncomfortable.” You mumbled, trying to ignore being pressed shoulder to shoulder with a man you didn’t even know besides him having a god complex, “We should’ve went with the vent.”

“By all means, if you want to try and get yourself killed already. Go for it.” You turned to look at him, dark endless cat eyes meeting you as you harshly glared at him, why was he so condescending!?

You were about to snap back something before you realized it was completely dark and the door slammed open causing you to jump. Was your heart always this loud? You could see the heavy boots step against the ground making you unsteadily inhale, swallowing as you closed your eyes. You could only place your trust that Chishiya hadn’t picked a horrible spot.

More importantly your mind was plagued with worry for your sister, you had been so caught up you hadn’t even tried to help her yet...did she even…! You heard a sudden loud scream from two people causing you to stiffen as you looked up at the bed frame lined with wooden planks. You could only cower back down at blood suddenly painting the floor.

Your stomach suddenly churned as you covered your mouth. So he wasn’t lying. Chishiya however looked just as nonpulsed as he did when he first told you himself, his eyes blankly staring up at the bed frame as if this was just a regular game of hide and seek as people screamed as they were torn apart.

Or that’s at least what you assumed it was.

After an agonizing few minutes the doors finally closed and the lights flickered back on making you breath in relief as you waited a moment, could you even bear to face what was waiting on the floor? You winced a little before something caught your eye. What was with all this extra wood stuck in the frame?

Chishiya had already gotten out from under the bed and before you suddenly heard a few girls scream, your sister among them making you puff and breath as you scrambled from beneath the bed.

Standing up your mouth agape at the horrid sight of the female and the broad male that had been too focused on accusing others, they didn’t have...enough time...it looked like they had been completely mutilated, blood pouring on the floor and the smell made you want to gag as you looked away.

“Well, now what do we do.” Akari scratched her head, also not looking phased that two people had just been brutally killed. Your eyes stayed placed on the bodies before they slowly trailed to your hands, the memory of blood staining them still fresh in your mind.

“Well we have to figure out where the monster is?” The girlfriend of the couple spoke up, she looked around somewhat suspiciously, “But I’m not sure where we could find it? Maybe it has to do with the bracelets? Maybe there’s a clue hidden.”

“Oh what about in the cabinets?” The collected man from before offered as he went to search the cabinets, your frown furthered as you glanced around. Everyone was now getting along, still on edge but along at least.

Chishiya only leaned against the wall, his hands in his pocket as he rolled the lollipop in his mouth, his gaze the same steely one it was before as if he had done his job in securing his temporary salvation and was now done.

Or maybe he just didn’t know what to do? It was obvious his strength didn’t lie in teamwork, clearly. But then again, you weren’t sure what was going on, you couldn’t get a read on him. Crossing your arms you stayed beside him, your eyes briefly washing over your sister who was working Akari to dig through a desk together.

“Cabinets and drawers are too obvious.”

Chishiya’s eyes flickered to your figure, his expression just as cold if not...a little smug maybe? He said nothing in return as you continued, “If we’re looking for a monster, it’s obvious it’s a metaphor for something. Inanimate most likely,” Your eyes flickered around the room, inhaling sharply, why did it feel like the answer was right in front of you?

Think…! You glanced at the clock, only six minutes left. The rounds were really short…! “It’d be something small and inconspicuous, something that’s in plain sight….but easy to miss...and the game said it was a pair which means there’s more than likely two.”

“Three,” You glanced at Chishiya as he spoke, pulling the lollipop from his mouth, that permanent smug look on his face as he answered, “Two is what they want you to think and if you spend a round searching for each like they hope it’s game over by three.”

You rubbed your neck as you frowned, “It’s already the second round and we haven’t even found one…” You glanced around before you suddenly perked up, “Wait…!” Getting back down on the floor you laid on your back as you pushed yourself under the bed, “Chishiya! Help me get this thing out!”

Within a moment the blonde appeared as well, his eye sharp and keen as they noticed straight away what you were tugging at, “You think this is the monster?”

You looked at him as you raised a brow, “We have less than four minutes left on our second round, you have a better idea?” Chishiya said no more but helped regardless, successfully with the both of you maneuvering it around from beneath the wooden boards you managed to get it out.

Holding it up you looked at it, “It’s a poppet doll.” You turned to face him as you smiled in accomplishment, “They’re typically used as curses to place upon people in folklore. If anything is a monster, this would be it.”

Excited at your first victory you pulled out from beneath the bed as you waved it up, “Hey guys! We need to start looking for something similar to this! If not a replica.” Everyone huddled around you examining the doll before the microphone sounded, “One minute remaining.”

Everyone had immediately scrambled back to their hiding place as you ran to the red X, placing the poppet on it, that's the reason that had to be there right!? You’d just have to see, hurriedly you ran back to your spot under the bed. Making it just in time as the lights flickered off.

The door slamming open once more as you slowly inhaled, it had to work right? If not...then you were at a loss for what to search for and you were utterly screwed.

The boots stomped against the floor past the bed as you closed your eyes, unable to calm yourself. After a moment you heard a screech and something rip open before screams followed making you jump. Chishiya’s eyes were on the feet that stood by the closet that had been obviously ripped open.

You heard the sound of something wet and a gurgle before a body slumped to the floor and you could hear begging before something got snapped in half causing you to close your eyes once more...Did you make it angry!? Was that not it? Fuck. You had never felt this stressed before as it roamed around, passing in front of your bed as you tensed.

Was this your last moment alive? Truly?

Much to your relief, the door closed once more before the lights followed, flickering on, relaxing a little you sighed as you reluctantly got out from underneath the bed with Chishiya to see what had happened. Much to your horror it was the man who had been so kind this whole game and his partner.

The monster didn’t check anywhere in the first round, yet he did this round? You tried to block out the bodies slumped in the corner as you glanced at the red X, the poppet doll gone.

“Why- why were they killed!” Nanami’s eyes began to water as she grabbed her head, “This makes no sense!”

“If it accepts the doll that means we only need two more. What happened to them is irrelevant.” Chishiya stuffed his hands back into his pocket as you glared at him sideways, not appreciating his careless tone. You could deal with it, but you didn’t want your sister dragged into it.

Grabbing your chin you thought about it for a moment, “Well...the game said to return the monster to its own and…” You glance down at the X, was there some kind of unsaid rule that if you didn’t get all three of them on the first try that it would start hunting down players? “How would a mother feel if they only returned one of its children?”

“This thing doesn’t have feelings,” The girlfriend of the partners replied coldly, her eyes like steel of her own as she clung to her boyfriend, “It’s as he said,” She waved to Chishiya, “It doesn’t matter, we’ll be like them if we don’t figure this out.”

You glanced around the room, “Tell me this, if it doesn’t matter, then why did they give us all these different hiding spots?” Everyone was silent, all eyes on you as if your question didn’t make any sense, your eyes flickered to the clock that was nearing eight minutes, you didn’t have time to monologue, “No think about it. The monster never intended to look for us- that was never stated in the rules. So why did they give us all of these choices if we only needed one per pair? My point being, if we found one poppet in our hiding spot then...You get where I’m going with this? Chishiya.”

He glanced up at you acknowledgement as you curved a brow, your lips threatening to tug into a smile as you tilted your head, “How confident are you in solving that vent?”

He glanced back down and for the first time, you watch a cocky wide smirk twist onto his lips, “You’re lucky to have someone as smart as me here to be able to open it.” You tucked your tongue into your cheek as in annoyance as he sauntered over to the vent already getting to work, “As for everyone else, we need to open up as many of these as possible to find the other two.”

Everyone immediately scrambled to get to work, with only seven minutes on the clock this was...going to be difficult. First Nanami and Akari searched all the opened spots as you worked on another bed. Rubbing your head as muttered, “Shit...I never was good with puzzles.” You awkwardly hung your head in defeat temporarily, briefly letting your eyes shift to Chishiya who was fiddling with several locks, his gaze sharp and you couldn’t even imagine all the calculations going on in his mind. You were somewhat envious of what it would be like to be that perceptive to anything adhering to logic and solution.

“Aha! Found one!” Akari yanked the poppet from the top of the closest as Nanami covered her mouth, looking like she was gonna throw up being so close to so many dead bodies. You ignored the grisly sight at the second victory of the poppet doll. Akari quickly placed it on the X as you began to work on the puzzle once more, looking up at the clock. Oh no...Oh no there was only three minutes left!

“Chishiya! Hows that puzzle coming along.” You called out, trying not to sound alarmed but you could see the clear cut annoyance on his face as he continued working through the locks, “If you’d like to help while struggling on a novice lock feel free.” He replied condescendingly, not appreciating the pressure.

You rolled your eyes with huff as you finally managed to get it undone, feeling triumphant as you searched under the bed but there was no luck, “There’s nothing here!”

“Or here!”

Several people called out as well as you rubbed your head, standing up, “If the only other place that hasn’t been searched is the vent then maybe there’s only two? It did say a pair.” You felt a lump of anxiety well in your chest at the sight of the clock ticking close to a minute and half.

“Should we really take the risk?” The boyfriend asked as he rubbed his neck, concern on his face as he looked around, “If we’re wrong then we’ll all…”

You hadn’t even thought of that…

“...! Hey.” You turned to Chishiya who seemed to be trying to get your attention making you immediately come over, if he was asking for you it’d have to be for something important given there was nearly less then two minute on the clock, “Hold this right here.” He immediately pushed your hand onto the lock right where he wanted it, “This is a two handle mechanism meaning that there needs to be two people unlocking it. Push down and out at the same time.”

“Hide! Everyone needs to hide now!”

The lights were beginning to flicker as everyone scrambled to hide, stress evidently put on your shoulders now more than ever. You could only hope he was right with your life on the line, “Now!” You pushed down on your side, the lock sliding as you pulled out, pulling a piece of metal holding up the lock directly out as Chishiya did the same with his side.

The lock fell off as well as the metal of the gate of the vent, you immediately with no hesitation leaned inside it was dark and hard to make it out anything besides the steep drop off. So he was right, this was a waste of time for a hiding place.

Looking down you caught sight of wood before laughing in relief, “It’s here! Wait shit! Chishiya! It’s too far down in the vent, you’re gonna have to lower me down to reach it. Time?”

“Forty five seconds.” You felt unfamiliar hands on your hips lifting you up as you were lowered down, “We have time.”

You squinted trying to see as you reached down, “Lower me further! I’m not quite in reach,” Your muscles began to ache in your shoulder as you reached harder, growling in frustration, “Time!?” You were lowered a little further, the wooden poppet brushing against your fingers.

“Thirty seconds! Could you go a little faster?”

“Could you lower me a little quicker- Ah! Hey did you almost let go!?” You snarled back, grabbing the poppet doll, giving a good yank as it lodged in between the crevice it was in, “Get me back up! I got it. Time!”

“Twenty seconds.” Chishiya called back, pulling you up as you gasped, pain from the metal jabbing into your stomach evident as you were met with a darkening room. Setting your feet firmly on the floor your eyes flew to the flock fifteen seconds and your spot was all the way across the room….!

“Where are we supposed to hide!? We can’t get all the way there in time!” You hissed out running to the X as you dropped the poppet down. The lights shut off as the final five seconds counted down and before you could do anything you were shoved to the floor as you squeaked. Your body throbbing in pain and your mouth immediately covered as you were met with the coverage of a bed but neither one of you were bold enough to try and scramble beneath it as the doors slammed open.

Fuck.

Your whole body was tense as your eyes squeezed shut, you were just a little ahead of the X here, if this is all the poppet dolls...they’d have no reason to go further into the room...unless...Your hand squeezed tight around the wrist of the hand that covered your mouth as you tried to calm yourself at the loud thudded footsteps.

It was quiet for a moment before you heard more walking before the doors closed.

“Game Cleared”

The lights turned on as you fell limp against the side of the bed, Chishiya’s hand removed from mouth as you pushed your hair from your face, closing your eyes as you breathed in relief, “Holy shit.” Was all you could mutter to yourself, you had never been more grateful to breathe air in your whole life.

“I guess you weren’t that useless after all huh.” Chishiya clacked his tongue as you turned your head to look at him, raising your brows as your face contorted into something between insult and amusement.

You’ve only known this man for a half an hour and yet...something about his words, if you dug down deep past that smug expression of his, was this a compliment? Looking away you pressed your tongue into your cheek, trying to keep from smiling, “Yeah, and you’re still conceited and arrogant but, I guess you have a good reason to be.” You glanced back at him again but you could hardly hold his gaze, something in that brief moment was electrified between you both as you laughed somewhat sheepishly, closing your eyes as you looked away once more.

What the fuck was even wrong with you? If this was back before today you would’ve totally kicked this guy in the balls and went about your day.

“Y/n!” You straightened up at the sound of Nanami’s voice, your expression brightening as you stood up, quickly running to her as you hugged her tight, “I can’t believe that just happened…” She whispered to you as she pressed her face into your neck. You couldn’t either but, you were thankful you had survived this game. Whatever it was.

“Come on, let's get out of this room.” You tugged on her arm, no longer wanting to be in this death room despite knowing it was all over. Pulling her out you paused at the sight of the TV and a...register…? You bracelet unlocked as you took it off, tossing it on the table as you tilted your head.

“Congratulations Game ''Clear ``.''

“...Now issuing visas to those who survived the game…?” You furrowed your brows as you glanced at Nanami who rubbed her head in confusion. You grabbed the receipt as you looked it over with a frown before picking up the 5 of clubs playing card along with it. Odd.

“It’s how many days you’re allowed to stay now! Almost a whole week, that's a good score for a first game!” Akari called out as she patted your back making you jump a little.

Almost a whole week…”Until we have to play again to...continue our stay?” You raised a brow, deciding not to ask what happens if you refused. While you had many questions, you had a feeling you knew the answer to that one.

A part of you couldn’t even believe this had happened, or was it all still a dream.

“Hey…! Sorry for all of that in there,” You turned to see...oh…! It was the boyfriend of the partner, the gifrlfriend stayed behind looking brooding, “I’m Ryu and that’s my girlfriend Hiroko I was...ah…” He faltered a little, rubbing the back of his neck as his gaze flittered to his girlfriend who was glaring him down, “You should stop by the Beach- I...I think you guys would make good additions! Bye!” He hurried not even finishing his original sentence before scurrying off making you furrow your brows at what he even meant.

“The hell?” Akari raised a brow as she watched the guy run off, “Seems to me he wanted to chat more…guess we know who's really pulling balls in that relationship.”

Nanami suddenly snickered, covering her mouth as she giggled, “Hey Akari! Why don’t we stay together! We did really well in the game together!”

“Awh shit, if you guys really want me too!” Akari offered a quirky smile as you laughed, you had no problems with someone staying behind with you. Looking past Akari your smile faded a little at the sight of a white hoodie exiting the entrance.

“Hey- I’ll be right back!” You pushed past the both of them who paid you no mind as you pushed out of the exit and down the stone steps, not sure why your feet were making you chase after such an egotistical man but…!

“Chishiya!” You called out, making the man pause, he turned around, pulling the earbuds out as he glanced up from his hoodie, raising his brows in acknowledgement, “Um…” Why did you even chase after him…? You stepped down the last step as you wrapped your arms around yourself.

It was silent for a moment as you berated yourself internally for why you seemed so speechless all of a sudden. Chishiya however didn’t seem to mind, his eyes absent now as he stared up at the hospital, “I used to do my clinical rotations here.”

You were broken out of your silent thrashing of internal humiliation as you raised your brows, lips parting in curiosity as you asked, “You were a doctor?”

“No,” Chishiya snorted, that amused calico look of his on his face once more as he looked down at you, “I was a medical student. Training to be a doctor but that obviously didn’t happen…” His lips curved into a frown, his eyes cold once more as they looked back up at the building, “I came here tonight to see if anyone I knew would be here.”

“Oh…” You looked away, feeling somewhat awkward and unsure of how to reply to him as silence took over once more beside the occasional rustling of the wind in the tree’s, the urge to speak overtaking you to the point you couldn't resist, “Chishiya...I…” You looked away, feeling somewhat bashful, “We...made a really good team back there.” You forced yourself to look up at him as you offered a bright yet subtly shy smile, “If you want...you could stay with us…?”

Chishiya pulled the lollipop stick from his mouth, letting it drop to the ground as he spoke, “No thanks.” You turned to him in surprise as you frowned a little, you shouldn’t have expected anything less…

“Oh...I understand.” You offered a weak smile as he turned his back on you and began to walk once more, “I just have one more question,” You called out causing him to pause, “...Do you by any chance know about a place called the Beach?”

Note: Whew...! As a lurker in the Alice in borderland fandom I saw a lot of people complaining about the lack of Chishiya fics so I decided to volunteer myself and take on for the team to write a series for this little blonde fucker so PLEASE let me know your thoughts and I hope you enjoy!! Also

#alice in borderland #aib #alice in borderland imagine #alice in borderland x reader #chishiya x reader #chishiya x reader smut #shuntaro chishiya #shuntaro chishiya x reader #aib imagine #aib x reader

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no--envies · 3 years

Text

I've seen people suggest LXC is as guilty as everyone else for WWX's downfall and the murder of the Wen remnants, either because he knew they were just a bunch of weak and old people and didn't care, or because he was too naive and he should have gone to the Burial Mounds to investigate for himself.

With this post I aim to analyse the events leading to WWX's downfall from the point of view of characters who acted in good faith without having all the necessary information. I'm bringing LXC as an example because he's one of the less culpable in the whole matter, but similar considerations could be made about several other characters.

First of all, as far as we know LXC didn't personally take part in the first siege of the Burial Mounds, since the novel states that the Lan Sect was led by LQR.

Back then, during the first siege of Burial Mound, Jin GuangShan led the LanlingJin Sect, while Jiang Cheng led the YunmengJiang Sect; Lan QiRen led the GusuLan Sect, while Nie MingJue led the QingheNie Sect. The former two were the main forces, the latter two could’ve gone without.

(Chapter 68)

The other three main sects were led by their respective leaders, so why was the Lan Sect the only one that was led by someone else? My own interpretation is that LXC wanted to stay with his brother while he was recovering from his injuries and he didn't want to be an active participant in the siege that would kill his brother's beloved, despite personally disapproving of WWX's actions. One could argue that letting LQR lead the Lan Sect in the siege still meant giving his tacit approval, which is not wrong, but what should be considered is that the cultivation world didn't plan a siege against WWX because he had taken a bunch of prisoners of war and sheltered them in the Burial Mounds, but because he had killed hundreds of cultivators at Qiongqi Path and a lot more at Nightless City.

Before WN lost control and killed thirty people at Koi Tower - the time he and WQ had gone to turn themselves in - the situation wasn't so dire for WWX yet. The Wen siblings' sentence was still being discussed by the sects. WN mentions that LWJ spoke up for him and his sister back then (chapter 89), which suggests the Lan Sect as a whole hadn't taken an antagonistic stance against WWX yet. LWJ probably tried to bring what he had seen of the Wen remnants and their peaceful settlement as proof that they hadn't done anything to deserve being sentenced to death.

Unfortunately, after that WN lost control of himself and attacked the cultivators who were present at the discussion, which gave even the Lan and Nie Sects a reason to hold a grudge against WWX, since some of the victims were from their Sects as well.

“The Ghost General really is fierce… Said he was there to give himself in, but then he suddenly flipped out. He slaughtered again, this time in Koi Tower.”

[...]

“Wei Ying, though, he shouldn’t have made him if he can’t control it. Created a mad dog and he didn’t leash it. Sooner or later, he’s gonna be faced with a qi deviation. With the way things have been, I doubt the day is that far away.”

[...]

“How unfortunate for the LanlingJin Sect.”

“Things were even worse for the GusuLan Sect! Over half of the thirty-or-so people were from their sect. They were clearly only there to help calm things down.”

(Chapter 77)

A few of the QingheNie Sect’s disciples died in the hands of Wen Ning as well. Nie MingJue spoke coldly, “What arrogance.”

(Chapter 78)

The text explicitly states that the cultivators from the Lan Sect who were present at Koi Tower were only there to "help calm things down", which means they weren't trying to accuse WWX and the Wen remnants. At the time, the Lan Sect's general stance about WWX appeared to be mostly neutral (the same could be said of the Nie Sect). LWJ's own attitude toward the Burial Mounds settlement could be considered mostly neutral as well, at least until WN and WQ (and then WWX) really needed his help.

An argument I’ve seen brought up often is that, if everyone had known the Wen remnants were just farming and living as ordinary peasants, a lot more people would have chosen to help them. However, the main issue wasn't how they were living in the Burial Mounds (which nobody knew except JC, LWJ and maybe LXC), but their role in the war. Not only were they all cultivators from the Wen Clan, despite being very weak, but WQ was favored by WRH, which made her involvement in her sect's crimes even more likely despite her good reputation. Nobody had heard of her killing anyone, but how could they be sure? Besides, the Lan Sect didn't owe any debt of gratitude to the Wen siblings. The Wen Sect had burned the Cloud Recesses and killed LXC and LWJ's father. NMJ held a personal grudge against the Wen Sect because WRH had killed his father, plus his own black-and-white morality made him judge WQ for not opposing WRH in any way. LXC and NMJ had no reason to go out of their way to help WWX and the Wen remnants, but before the bloodbath of Nightless City they didn't do anything to harm them, either.

We also have to take into consideration the world MDZS is set in; that is, a fantasy version of ancient China where revenge is absolutely justified and is considered an act of justice. Even wiping out entire Sects in revenge isn't necessarily condemned, since JGY did that for the alleged murder of his son and nobody criticized him for it until they learned of all the crimes he had commited and realized those people had most likely been framed by him. Xue Yang was obviously despised by everyone for what he did to the Chang Clan because his revenge was considered exceedingly disproportionate to Chang Cian's offense. Xiao Xingchen illustrates society's point of view on the matter very well when he says cutting Chang Cian's finger or even his entire arm would have been entirely reasonable.

So, as long as it was deemed proportionate to the offense, revenge was justified. Putting all the Wen survivors who had taken part in the war into a labor camp was considered a justified punishment in universe. The sects refused to admit the guards had actually abused the prisoners, suggesting that was going too far, but taking revenge against them by putting them in labor camps was totally accepted. Even WWX - who the novel portrays as morally correct most of the time - doesn’t condemn it. He himself used very cruel and ruthless methods to take revenge against his enemies during the Sunshot Campaign, so it would be kind of hypocritical if he opposed their punishment post-war. He does point out that people consider every Wen cultivator guilty by association just for being part of the Wen Clan, without really caring about the actual crimes they have committed, but he only rescues the cultivators from WN's branch, who he knows didn't take part in the atrocities committed by the Wen Sect.

Murdering the Wen remnants settled in the Burial Mounds was wrong even in universe because they were innocent. They hadn't killed anyone during the war and the Wen siblings' help was absolutely essential for WWX and JC when they were on the run. Without them the Jiang Sect wouldn't even exist anymore. This was a huge deal considering the importance of debts in universe and could have swayed public opinion in their favor. NMJ criticized WQ for not doing anything to actively oppose WRH during the war, but the thing is that she had. She had sheltered the Jiang Sect's heir and head disciple, the same people who contributed to the Sunshot Campaign as one of the main forces.

The problem is that no one knew about this except WWX and JC themselves. JC, who had the authority and credibility to defend what WWX had done in the prison camp, didn't show much conviction the one time he tried to speak up for him, so the other sects probably assumed he was just trying to excuse his right-hand man's inexcusable actions and that WWX had become too corrupted by his demonic cultivation and was too unpredictable and dangerous. When JC went to investigate what WWX was actually doing in the Burial Mounds, he came back saying WWX had defected from the Jiang Sect and was an enemy to the cultivation world (chapter 73), apparently confirming WWX had finally lost it because of all the resentful energies he used and was a potential threat to them all.

However, a really important thing to consider is that the cultivation world waited two years to besiege WWX. They didn't immediately charge to attack him or believe all the rumors about WWX. The sects definitely behaved like sheep, but they weren't that stupid. They knew most of the things that were said were probably exaggerated rumors, so they were just observing the situation and waiting to see what he would do. LXC, NMJ and the other cultivators who weren't in bad faith (those who weren't driven by their greed, ambition, resentment or jealousy) were all part of this general category. They had no reason to doubt JC's words, who was a fellow sect leader and WWX's close friend, and many of them had seen for themselves how threatening WWX had acted during the banquet at Koi Tower, when he said nobody could stop him if he wanted to kill someone, so they had no reason to believe WWX's reputation was being unfairly tarnished.

During the two years WWX spent in the Burial Mounds and nobody really knew what he was up to, a lot of rumors were spread about him. Some people thought he was trying to build an army of fierce corpses with their consciousness awakened like WN; others suggested he wanted to found his own sect of demonic cultivators and even took disciples, like the banners in Yiling seemed to indicate. They considered WWX a potential threat, but not enough to actually take action against him. The fact that LWJ waited months before going to check the situation in the Burial Mounds is very telling. He knew the cultivation world was at a standstill with WWX, so despite being worried for WWX he knew there wasn't any immediate danger for him. He might have been too busy with his own sect matters and going wherever the chaos was, but we've seen how LWJ behaves when he thinks WWX is in grave and immediate danger. The way he acted during the night of the bloodbath of Nightless City shows it very well: LWJ did his best to help as many people as he could, but WWX was his priority.

Of course, having only partial information doesn't excuse the sects for everything. They definitely had their faults regardless of how much they knew. They should have given WWX a chance to explain himself about the ambush at Qiongqi Path and the incident at Koi Tower instead of deciding to besiege him. They didn't even care if he was actually guilty or not of cursing Jin Zixun, or that he was the one who had been ambushed on the way to his nephew's full-month celebration. All that mattered to them was that he had lost control and killed hundreds of cultivators, including the Jin heir. They took this as proof of how dangerous and uncontrollable he was, which wasn't completely unfounded. He was dangerous when he wanted to be and he did lose control. Taking this information without all the context we as an audience are aware of - that he was only trying to repay a debt and didn't want to harm anyone, that Jin Zixun provoked him so much it was almost inevitable for him to lose control - doesn't look good at all.

Again, the sects did behave like sheep. The novel portrays WWX as the hero and his decision to rescue the Wen remnants as morally correct. Most of the cultivators who contributed to WWX's downfall were a bunch of hypocrites who couldn't see past their own self-righteousness. But characters like NMJ and LQR are portrayed as generally righteous people, so the fact that they took part in the siege proves not everyone was in bad faith. Nobody really knew why WWX had rescued the Wen remnants and his reasons for wanting to protect them, or why he had invented demonic cultivation in the first place. They just knew he did very questionable things like digging up graves during the war, that he acted arrogantly all the time and even started killing their own people. We as an audience know why he did all these things, but they didn't.

Also, after the bloodbath of Nightless City it was objectively hard to defend WWX's actions. He wasn't clear-headed at all that night and when he activated the Tiger Seal he was already in a half-unconscious state. His overall situation was too much for anyone to be able to stand it, but this doesn't mean what he did was right. The fact that he destroyed the Tiger Seal after returning to the Burial Mounds suggests not even he was proud of all the people he killed that night. WWX isn't infallible and makes mistakes because he's human like anyone else, despite being an overall heroic and selfless person. Even LWJ, who was the only one that still trusted WWX's heart and morals, couldn't really justify what he did at Nightless City. He only told LXC that no matter right or wrong, he was willing to face all the consequences with WWX anyway (chapter 99), because he understood his true nature and knew his outlook and values were the same as his own. But most people didn't know him as well as LWJ did. From the sects’ point of view, the bloodbath of Nightless City was the ultimate proof that WWX was the scourge of the cultivation world.

I'm not trying to say LXC is perfect or that he couldn't have done more, but we should take his own point of view into consideration when we judge his actions (or non-actions). LWJ didn't do much more than him during WWX's first life and what he did ultimately wasn't enough to save WWX (I don’t think it’s his fault, he was in an objectively difficult position), but the fandom doesn’t criticize him as much as they do with LXC, because after WWX came back LWJ's support for him was flawless. But LXC wasn't in love with WWX. He hadn't observed him since he was a teenager like LWJ had done because of his huge crush on him. We shouldn't underestimate the importance of debts in universe and how information in general can affect people's perceptions. Even LWJ stayed mostly still during WWX’s first life because he didn't have all the information and didn't know why WWX had left the bright broad road to start cultivating with resentful energies.

WWX is the protagonist, the hero of the story and the character whose point of view most of the novel is narrated from, so it's easy for the audience to empathize with him and understand his perspective. It's really interesting that even WWX has a good opinion of LXC and NMJ (and mostly respects LQR) despite their role in his downfall. It's not just because of his forgiving nature, since we see him criticize the hypocrisy of the sects a lot of times, but because he recognizes they were in good faith and they had their reasons for behaving like they did, despite the mistakes they might have made.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #wei wuxian #lan xichen #nie mingjue #lan wangji

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flowerflamestars · 3 years

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I'm in a very angry-with-the-IC-and-Rhys-in-particular mood, and since I'm just rereading Daylight I was wondering, what is going through Rhysand's mind throughout the events of Daylight? Because it's basically his entire life CRUMBLING around him and I'd love to see the mental gymnastics he does to fit it all into his "I'm the good guy, actually" narrative. Or just his general reaction.

this is a FABULOUS question, thank you!

Daylight! Rhys is, in my opinion, the closest to a canonical (pre-acosf) character representation that I go for. He's so SO fucked up, and sublimating and burying all that trauma has, of course, failed, and it's all manifesting, in all these different directions.

To understand the level on which Rhys is losing his shit, it's important to go back to the very beginning: Rhysand, to Rhysand, is always, always the hero of the story. The down on his luck knight with truth in his heart. The struggling, just man.

He CANNOT seeing beyond himself for even a second. He casts himself in the most important role, as the only person whose personal consequences exist.

His mother, at probable great risk, takes him to Illyria to be trained- the precious, first-born, godly son of Night. To learn to fight- to learn, presumably, her culture- to see what that culture is reduced to, a harshness he will on day have the power to change. Rhys had to be, at some point, a great hope for Not High Fae denizens of the Court.

What does Rhysie learn? Illyria is harsh. Illyria is bad. Backwards and cruel.

He hates his father for...presumably, the crime of being a pretty traditional High Lord? Rhys hates the cruelties! the Court of Nightmares! the broken system!

So what does Rhys do when he has power? he fires everyone. He doesn't like them, he doesn't like whatever they did under his father...so instead of hiring new people, he removes himself entirely from a potential role in changing/mitigating those policies. See also: the Court of Nightmares, cowed occasionally, but not in any way governed by Rhys.

But he's the hero! He's destroyed the oppression! His Court of Just his Bros is made of women and Illyrians!

(Rhys removed the terribleness from his direct experience...because only his experiences matter)

So, Rhys in his head: the struggle, the hero, the man just trying to do it right.

Which brings us to Daylight....and Feyre. I know we can attribute the way the characters stop even remotely being sympathetic between acomaf and...everything else...to poor writing, but I also think there's some (maybe accidental but PERFECT) character work there: in acomaf, pre-acknowledged bond, Feyre is an important possession/ally- she's on the same level as the other members of the Court of Dreams, if the jewel of the collection, a high point in the story Rhys tells himself: HE saved the HERO OF PRYTHIAN

(which...let's not even touch on the fact that the deal he makes in acotar is CREEPY and he can only justify it later. she wasn't someone he wanted to work with in acotar- she was a vulnerable, hot young woman he fully took advantage of)

And then they're mates.

And then, slowly but surely, Feyre's personhood disappears. For two reasons: 1) Feyre is on a pedestal so sky-high it blots out everything. Good, pure, true hero Feyre whose adoration Rhysand needs like air. the happy end of his story, the prize and the salvation, the one who sees him.

and 2) ultimately, to Rhys, Feyre is an extension of him. A symbol: his happiness, his peace, his endless power, what he fought to keep.

She's his whole anchor staying sane, which isn't great, considering...ya know, everything. But the Story is Over. They are Happy.

Except- except- nothing is over. Post fifty straight years of torture, a freefall into war and fuckery, teen marriage and literal death, the consequences for all those things AND THE SHIT RHYS WAS PULLING LONG BEFORE AMARANTHA TURNED HIM INTO A CHEW TOY, are still present.

But now, he has something to protect. His golden future. His puppy Mate.

Because Feyre's safety is the safety of his power and vice versa. Anything he does is justifiable because the loss of Feyre is Not an Option. She is Happy. They Are Happy.

It bleeds into everything- and then it intensifies, because this is the breaking point.

The Az/Lucien thing and Feyre incredibly hurtful blindness? No Rhys isn't going to interfere- Az is so private anyway- if Feyre believes its a romantic bond, Feyre is right, she knows her sister, not that it matters because Elain is totally out of her mind.

Sending Cassian to Illyria? Illyria is a backwards shithole right? They're fierce fighters and that's what Rhys values them for- as the hammer of his power- and nothing else? why would there be anything else? Look at them fighting and hurting each other.

Nesta runs and Cassian is left throwing himself in battles actively trying to die and Rhys? Rhys is totally smug. A problem that hurt Feyre and his brother is GONE.

But it's not gone. Az isn't talking to anyone- and Rhys thinks this probably means Lucien is probably, finally fucking him- but even Feyre understands that Azriel knows where Nesta is. When this is proved (when Elain surfaces and they have the very fun kitchen fight) Rhys isn't happy- but he understands. Azriel has always felt responsible for broken things.

But thats not his job, it's Rhysands job, and Rhys has already made that tough choice for the safety of his own: Nesta has no place here. When she resurfaces inevitably, broke and wanting something, Rhys will stop her before she gets close enough to upset (hurt) Feyre. It's his job.

Cassian goes missing, and Rhysand sets upon what will become his eventual move: Illyria's value is strength. (a martial strength that belongs to RHYS). But they think they can take from him? They can destroy their own best chance? (Rhys recognizes Cassian's value to Illyria even while, you know, ordering him to slaughter Illyrians) They would threaten his power? hurt his family?

Rhys will not allow a world to exist where Feyre can be hurt.

If Illyria can't be controlled, Illyria will be put down, like the rabid creatures they are. (They were always backwards, Rhys thinks. Freeing my mother was the one good thing my father ever did)

But Cassian lives.

Rhys asks Azriel if he's been cursed. Az laughs in his face.

And Cassian is a terrible enemy to have. The strategies the loyalists are using? His, filtered through Rhys. The magical contingencies? Cassian and Az, trying to prevent bloodshed.

Feyre thinks, for a long time, that maybe the rebels have Nesta. What else could compel Cassian to even care? these people keep trying to kill him. they want to kill Rhys. the brothers suffered in the frozen mud at the hands of these monsters, what is Cassian doing?

And then the massacre happens.

And Feyre sick to her stomach, cries when she hears. Rhysand thinks about a little hazel eyed boy who'd never had a bed, a present, who'd been nothing until Rhysand plucked him up- a little boy who'd grown into a dangerous man, who'd just killed every person who ever contributed to his pain. Rhys thinks, knowing he'll have to punish Cassian for this, that it's over.

The camp lords are dead, it has to be over.

(Azriel hears and understands- because he knows damn well Cassian was something before Rhysand, and after despite him. That beneath those repeatedly broken ribs is a heart that was once so big so save him, grown strong enough now to save everyone who was like them: forgotten, abandoned, used.)

It's not over. The mountains are burning. Banners fly on northern wind in a language long dead. They're singing, the spies say, they call him dawn. Loyal-heart-as-dawn.

It's Cassians name. Not that Rhys, who never knew more than a few vile insults in the language of his mother's ancient, proud people, understood it then.

Rhysand, the long-suffering hero of his own story, has been betrayed.

He can risk no more- it's time to end this madness. It's Feyre's idea to use Elain- it's Feyre who is left crying, a betrayal Rhysand will never forget- when Elain, who they've given everything, Elain, perhaps just as broken and wretched as her eldest sister, refuses to help keep Feyre safe.

(Elain refuses to participate in what she sees as genocide, but as we've established, what consequences exist? the ones Rhys feels right in front of his face)

Azriel, Elain, and Lucien run.

Of course, if both Feyre's sisters are capable of betraying her, of course, both of Rhysand's brothers would as well. They are one in the same, aren't they? Marked by destiny, by fate for this hard and terrible work- of course it hurts. Of course- but Rhysand will stop it from hurting Feyre any more.

There's one force in the world that can stand in truth against Illyria. The Darkbringers- their ancestral, ancient conquers.

(Yes, I do think Rhys knows the shitty, shitty history of his court! He just doesn't care! He didn't do it. He's different. He's in Velaris with the common people. He has wings. He's not his father.)

(He is, in fact, far worse)

When he thinks of it, it seems perfect. Illyria will be destroyed- a loss, but a safe one. Keir, will, almost certainly, also be destroyed or at least critically weakened.

Rhysand will stand alone, the man who was willing to do anything for peace. He will rule over an emptied playing field, secure in a world where Feyre is safe.

The Hewn City empties, the armies march- Rhysand holds tight Feyre's hand, says nothing about the fact that nothing, nothing, will stop Keir from killing anyone in front of him when battle starts, and reaches once more for Cassian's mind.

His brother, his friend, his loyal right hand- he begs him to come back. To come home. That they can put down this rebellion and in his love for Cassian everything can go back to how it is meant to be, all of them together.

It does not occur to him to address the hundreds dead. The system he was complicit in and responsible for that ground a culture to dust and ash- what matters is brother against brother should never have turned, and Rhys, in his kindness, will offer Cassian this last chance for honor.

Rhys doesn't want Cassian to die- he wants Cassian by his side- but he will drown the world in blood before he'll lose his crown and hope and Feyre.

And when Cassian dies, falling to the earth in Rhysand's arms, Rhys thinks of penance.

A circle closed.

But of course- Cassian wakes. Death is not done with her right hand anymore than the contract between Lordship and land in immutable. Cassian brought the magic back, brought Illyria back.

Rhys is fighting for something personal- Cassian is fighting for a whole world and future, with everything in himself.

When the new border is drawn, Rhys doesn't despair- sure he's shaking, he's covered in Cassian's blood, his twelve thousand year old walls are smoking and the whole world smells like fucking Nesta Archeron- he's been the victim of curses before.

He won't let it keep him down. He'll be fine. He has Feyre, they're safe. Illyria is going to implode- and maybe, maybe, he'll save some of those that remain when the violence is too much, when they need a real High Lord.

They'll come home. Just like Feyre's sisters will. Rhysand's brothers. They fought for peace and Velaris has it- it is their home.

It's what they fought for, the happy ending, and it's all worth it.

It has to be worth it.

#Rhys is deadset a huge narcissist #and in the middle of a breakdown the entirety of daylight #he's SO HURT #But's turning all that hurt into anger #and an even stricter paranoia #its all catching up to him #everything from imperialism #to the shitty way he treated his friends #to the Winter Massacre that yes was absolutely him #this is more of a Shoreless Concept but all of feysand can be summed up #by Feyre making teary BUT WE'RE FAMILY demands and Rhys immediately committing a literal warcrime #and like #I do think Rhys hates himself too #but for wildly the wrong reasons #and never more or in a real way that overcomes how much he thinks everything he does is right #Cassian's death was a cost to them #as Nesta tells Feyre: what's done cannot be undone. Rhys chose wrong #the truly bonkers Rhys thing in canon #will always be that he's both represented as Most Powerful Ever #and the wrongly ignored underdog #when in fact he throws around power constantly for petty shitty reasons

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cappymightwrite · 3 years

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What are your thoughts on Ned Stark ?

Hi!

I have conflicted feelings on Ned. Probably just below Stannis, he's the Westerosi man most in need of therapy, in my opinion. Actually, that's an interesting comparison — Ned and Stannis, which I know has been commented on before. They're alike in many ways, in terms of reserve etc., which makes the fact that Robert saw Ned as his true brother all the more painful to Stannis (though of course this is never explicitly stated). But anyway, back to Ned.

There's certain things I struggle with in regards to Ned, even though I understand the reasoning behind his actions, or rather, inaction. So, it makes thinking back on him in a wholly positive and fond light somewhat difficult, as I suppose it must be for Sansa in a way, as well as for Jon, once his parentage is revealed. I don't wholly dislike him though, I actually value him a lot, I just take issue with:

Him never apparently trusting Catelyn enough to be honest about Jon's parentage (+ the way he avoids telling Jon, to some extent)

No matter how loving they were... there is this unresolved (and now forever unresolved) barrier at the heart of their relationship, an unequal exchange of trust, which was within Ned's power to lift, to make fully mutual. But he didn't. Now, he had his reasons, self-sacrificing and seemingly honourable as they may appear, and certainly the narrative required this secret to be kept. But even so, in terms of how I regard his character? It rubs me the wrong way because he never gave her the opportunity to sympathise and fully understand him, he cut himself off from that. And yeah, maybe it might not have improved Jon's situation all that much, but he never gave Cat the opportunity to think of him differently, in a way that wasn't dictated by the social mores of their world:

It had taken her a fortnight to marshal her courage, but finally, in bed one night, Catelyn had asked her husband the truth of it, asked him to his face.

That was the only time in all their years that Ned had ever frightened her. "Never ask me about Jon," he said, cold as ice. "He is my blood, and that is all you need to know. And now I will learn where you heard that name, my lady." She had pledged to obey; she told him; and from that day on, the whispering had stopped, and Ashara Dayne's name was never heard in Winterfell again.

Whoever Jon's mother had been, Ned must have loved her fiercely, for nothing Catelyn said would persuade him to send the boy away. It was the one thing she could never forgive him. She had come to love her husband with all her heart, but she had never found it in her to love Jon. She might have overlooked a dozen bastards for Ned's sake, so long as they were out of sight. Jon was never out of sight, and as he grew, he looked more like Ned than any of the trueborn sons she bore him. Somehow that made it worse. – AGOT, Catelyn II

"It was the one thing she could never forgive him" — yeah, me too honey! Ok, sure, we don't know for sure if Cat might have "overlooked" Jon's uneasy place in their household "for Ned's sake", if she knew he was actually her nephew — the world would still believe him to be Ned's, so to outward appearances the awkwardness is still there. And yeah, we don't know if she could have "found it in her to love Jon", but the truth certainly would have made it far more likely! But Ned decided that it had to be this way, that only he could participate in carrying this secret. So, I hurt for Cat AND Jon really.

I get why he doesn't tell Jon the truth. I understand his warped logic, how the trauma of his past informs this sort of self-punishing mentality of I must keep this honourable promise made of love till the day I die even though to the outside world it will appear as a stain upon that very honour... and to punish myself further for failing Lyanna I will never unburden myself to anyone, this is my cross to bear alone. I understand that, it's very manpain-y. But the problem is... it doesn't just punish Ned, it punishes Cat and Jon, and his other children too! Because they are by no means blind to this elephant in the room of their parent's marriage, and it's hard to rationalise:

He looked at her uncomfortably. "My aunt Allyria says Lady Ashara and your father fell in love at Harrenhal—"

"That's not so. He loved my lady mother." – ASOS, Arya VIII

Your father loved your mother, but he also had a child with another woman, whose identity he would never talk about. Your father loved your mother, but his dedication to this secret ultimately trumped being fully honest and open with her. It's hard not to feel that Ned's present came second to making up for the "sins" of his past. This is why he desperately needed therapy, lol, because (to take a line from my Byronic Hero meta) Ned's "traumatic past informs his present life," and to the detriment of that present life and those present relationships as well. But hey, that's the tragedy.

Also, I think his whole I'll tell you the truth when I next see you to Jon is really sketchy, because when exactly might that be, Ned? An avoidance tactic if I ever saw one. But really, I don't think he'd be emotionally equipped to have that conversation anyway... he might have said he'd tell him someday, but deep down, I'm sure he hoped he may never have to. And then he conveniently dies, taking the secret with him (or so we think)!

Allowing the death of Lady

Bran's wolf had saved the boy's life, he thought dully. What was it that Jon had said when they found the pups in the snow? Your children were meant to have these pups, my lord. And he had killed Sansa's, and for what? Was it guilt he was feeling? Or fear? If the gods had sent these wolves, what folly had he done? – AGOT, Eddard IV

"And for what?" Yes, quite. I don't really have much to say on this... I think this passage speaks for itself. There's probably some other things I could talk about, but those are my main two gripes.

That being said... what I value about Ned are his words of wisdom

The thing about Ned, for me, is that despite the unmaliciously meant pain he inflicts on his loved ones (which I do understand the reasoning behind, the trauma that informs it etc)... he's still ultimately a figure of hope to me, a notably flawed, but no less significant, ideal within the narrative too. And I think you need that — we need the memory of Ned as readers, and so do the Starklings. So, I love him more for what he represents, rather than his parenting and lacklustre husbanding skills. I value the fundamental truths he emphasises through his words, and the legacy of those words, embodied within his children.

For example:

"Let me tell you something about wolves, child. When the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives. Summer is the time for squabbles. In winter, we must protect one another, keep each other warm, share our strengths. So if you must hate, Arya, hate those who would truly do us harm. Septa Mordane is a good woman, and Sansa… Sansa is your sister. You may be as different as the sun and the moon, but the same blood flows through both your hearts. You need her, as she needs you… and I need both of you, gods help me." – AGOT, Arya II

Honestly, people can "squabble" about which Stark sibling is more important, more this, more that, till the cows come home. But that's what it is... "squabbles", and it misses the mark completely about why the Starks are the heart of the series. They are the Starks, plural. They may be different from one another, but they are "pack", and come winter, (TWOW, to be exact), once reunited they will "protect one another, keep each other warm, share [their] strengths", because those are the values Ned taught them.

These are the things to remember, despite all the hellishness. This is why Ned's death wasn't in vain, it wasn't an edgy twist, or the first whiff of grimdark... because his legacy didn't end with him, it lives on, it is felt throughout the series, right up until the most recent book:

"Be that as it may. My father sat where I sit now when Lord Eddard came to Sisterton. Our maester urged us to send Stark's head to Aerys, to prove our loyalty. It would have meant a rich reward. The Mad King was open-handed with them as pleased him. By then we knew that Jon Arryn had taken Gulltown, though. Robert was the first man to gain the wall, and slew Marq Grafton with his own hand. 'This Baratheon is fearless,' I said. 'He fights the way a king should fight.' Our maester chuckled at me and told us that Prince Rhaegar was certain to defeat this rebel. That was when Stark said, 'In this world only winter is certain. We may lose our heads, it's true… but what if we prevail?' My father sent him on his way with his head still on his shoulders. 'If you lose,' he told Lord Eddard, 'you were never here.'" – ADWD, Davos I

I love this line so much, and I love that it comes from Ned, that just as we are gearing up to head into the darkest parts of the series (because Winds is apparently going to be very dark)... we have this light, this hope, this "what if we prevail?" And it's connected to this repeated refrain about the certainty of winter — "in this world only winter is certain" vs. "winter is coming" — which is closely tied to Ned as a character. So, yes, "winter is coming", but don't be decieved into thinking that that spells disaster, that no warmth can be found, for there is always darkness before the dawn, just as there is always a winter before the spring... and in the winter the wolves shall "keep each other warm", they will "prevail."

In conclusion

Whatever his flaws and mistakes, and there are several, at the end of the day... I will love Ned for giving us hope, for reminding the readers, and characters, of what is really important — to take strength from your loved ones, to give them strength in return, and to not give into despair, no matter how harshly the snows might fall and white winds blow. Yes, it's not certain whether they'll live, but likewise, it's not certain whether they'll die either... and that's where you find the hope, the light against the grim dark.

So, for me, he's a character who makes my heart sink, but then he makes it swell again. That's the duality, and it's a choice which you put most stock in... I'll choose the hope he inspires every time ;)

#ned stark #eddard stark #cappy's thoughts #starklings #anti grimdark all the way babeyyyy

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lomlmarvel · 4 years

Text

Only You Pt. III

Cedric Diggory x Reader Series

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

Word Count: 5.2k

Summary: Y/N Potter deals with Harry as he is chosen as a Tri-Wizard Contestant. Things get heated between her and Cedric when all of Hogwarts hates Harry for cheating.

As if the night could not get any worse, Harry was forced to join the rest of the Tri-Wizard contestants in Professor Dumbledore's office. Y/N wasn't allowed to follow after him or even try to fight to get him out of competing. After everyone was excused, the chatters began about Harry cheating and asking an older student to add his name into the goblet. Y/N couldn't stand the ridiculousness of that rumor. Harry wouldn't do such a thing; he already didn't like being recognized for his scar, so he wouldn't want to go looking for fame.

"But Professor, he isn't even of age to be competing," Y/N argued to Dumbledore as she stood in his office. He sat along with Professor Snape, McGonagall, and Mad-Eye Moody. The rest of the headmasters, teachers, and Minister of Magic had been excused for the night. But before they had a chance to leave the room, the older Potter stormed in the room and demanded an audience with Dumbledore. Snape recognized her father's stubbornness, knowing she wouldn't give up until she got what she wanted. He wasn't very fond of her father, but Snape seemed to admire her determination and protectiveness over her brother. It had first appeared to the professors when Harry made his appearance at Hogwarts, and it only seemed to grow as the boy advanced in his wizardly skills.

"I'm very sorry, Ms. Potter, but we have come to a clear conclusion together. Mr. Potter will compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament," Dumbledore answered her. She huffed in disbelief as she placed a hand on her hip.

"But he will have someone watching after him," Snape added. The three professors turned to stare at the Slytherin as he revealed information that he wasn't supposed to.

"Severus," McGonagall whispered, looking between him and Dumbledore.

"She deserves to know. She is his only family, after all," Snape replied. This seemed to calm Y/N down a bit. She was still very anxious and terrified about Harry competing, but if there was no way for him to get out of it, having someone look after him eased her mind. Dumbledore nodded in agreement towards her, and she sighed.

"Alright, so which one of you will watch over him?" She asked. Three heads turned to look at Mad-Eye, and Y/N gulped. If everything Ron had said about Mad-Eye was true, she wasn't sure if she should be thankful or scared.

"Very well. Thank you, professors, for your time, and goodnight," She stated before excusing herself. As she neared the common room, she heard two voices fighting coming from the boys' dormitory. Two redheads ascended from the stairs, and she made her way to the sofas.

"So, Ron and Harry are up there at each other's throats," George informed her.

"He thinks he cheated, doesn't he? Just like everyone else," She asked. The twins simultaneously turned to look at each other before sitting down on each side of her.

"They're best friends, Y/N/N. Ron will get over it once he realizes how much of a git he's being," George replied, sending her a consoling smile.

"Yeah, just like you and me in third year, remember? Now, look at us! Best of friends," Fred nudged her shoulder, causing her to laugh. In third year, Y/N had stopped talking to Fred for a few weeks after he had put purple dye in her shampoo. She hadn't noticed until she had ran into her first class of the day, having woken up late and rushed to get ready for class. She heard people whisper whenever she passed them in the halls, but she ignored them, trying to get to class in time. The first person to point it out was George, who couldn't keep a straight face. Apparently, Fred hadn't told his twin about the prank he had decided to play on their best friend, causing him to be as surprised as the rest of their classmates.

"Yeah, well, you learned your lesson, didn't you? You haven't played a prank on me in years," She replied to him.

"Only play pranks with you, not on you. I've got it," Fred winked, wrapping his arm around her.

"Neville said one of them ought to leave their room soon enough. They've been fighting since Harry returned. You'll have a chance to talk to him," George stated.

As Y/N waited for her brother to come down, the Weasley twins kept her company. Making her laugh by telling jokes to keep her mind from worrying. They knew how stressed out she was; before, it was just for Cedric, but now she had to include Harry in the mix.

"You know, Mum said you and Harry could come over for summer break, if you'd like," Fred said randomly.

"Are you sure? I feel like I'm basically living with you all. I don't want to intrude," Y/N replied. George and Fred shook their heads quickly.

"She loves you both. If it were up to her, you would've moved in by now," George answered. Before their conversation could continue, a sound of footsteps came from the stairs. Harry appeared in his pajamas and paused when he saw his sister on the sofa. Fred and George quickly excused themselves and left for their rooms.

"I didn't do it. I don't know how my name got put in there, I swear," Harry stated before his sister could say a word.

"I know you didn't, Harry," The older Potter replied. Harry finished walking down the stairs and took a seat next to her on the sofa.

"I'm sorry. I don't want you worrying about me," Harry whispered, staring at the fireplace to avoid looking at her.

"I'll always worry about you, Harry; you're my little brother," She answered, wrapping an arm around him. Harry smiled and leaned into her embrace. The two spent hours in the common room, bringing comfort to one another until the very early hours of the morning.

The next day, Y/N was rushing to get to class, having woken up late because of her late-night with Harry. She had just shoved a student against the wall as they mentioned something about Harry being a cheater when Cedric got her attention by grabbing her arm.

"Hey, hey, hey," Cedric pulled her towards him as she made an aggressive step towards another student. If Cedric hadn't had grabbed her, she would've thrown hands with another student.

"It's not true!" She yelled, Cedric stepping in front of her to capture her attention.

"Hey, it's alright. They're doing it just to rile you up, love," Cedric stated. Y/N huffed in annoyance and looked up at Cedric.

"You better not participate in their stupid antics," Y/N said. Cedric smiled and nodded.

"I would never," He replied, leaning down to plant a kiss on her cheek. Y/N smiled before remembering where she was headed before.

"Did you need something? I'm kind of running late for class," She asked him. Cedric shook his head and smiled.

"Just wanted to see my girlfriend and tell her that she looks beautiful today," Y/N blushed. "And to tell you that I can't meet you later, Rita Skeeter from The Daily Prophet is coming by to do some interviews." Y/N nodded. She understood that he now had other responsibilities because of the Tri-Wizard Tournament. It's not like the news had ruined her entire year at Hogwarts. She was happy for Cedric, and he seemed super excited.

"Well, I've got to go to class, but have fun!" Y/N replied, reaching up to plant a kiss on his lips, before saying goodbye and running towards class.

Later that night, Cedric sat down at the Gryffindor table next to his girlfriend during dinner, causing all the ginger heads, including some other heads, to turn to look at Cedric. Other couples used to sit at their partner's house tables all the time, but this was Cedric's first time, and well, the famous Hufflepuff had all eyes on him.

"A little lost, aren't ya, Cedric?" Seamus teased him, causing the blush on his cheeks to spread to his neck.

"Shove it, Finnigan," Y/N replied as all the nearby Gryffindors chuckled.

"It's alright, mate, we don't bite," George stated, digging into his food right away.

"At least not all of us, right, Potter?" Fred winked at her, shaking her head at their teasing.

"Just ignore them; they're twats," Y/N said to Cedric, who shyly nodded. As dinner progressed, Cedric got more comfortable sitting at the Gryffindor table. It certainly wasn't like the Hufflepuff table, mostly since many of the Gryffindors were very close friends.

George and Fred were in the middle of telling Cedric about a prank they pulled over the summer on their mother before a loud clank was heard from down the Gryffindor table. They turned their heads to see Ron huff and angrily stand up before stomping out of the great hall. Harry sat across from him, gazed down at his plate, jaw clenched and fists tightened on the table. A few moments later, Harry excused himself and walked out too, leaving Hermione to sit alone.

"I thought you said they would make up by now," The older Potter said to George and Fred. The twins looked at each other, shrugging, and turned back to their food.

"Y/N/N, you know how Ron takes after Mum; he loves being dramatic," George sheepishly replied.

"Yeah, let them figure it out. It's their problem, not yours," Fred added. Y/N huffed and aggressively set her fork on her plate.

"Actually, it is my problem. I will not stand by and watch as my brother is bullied and ignored by the entire bloody school, let alone watch as the people who are supposed to care about him call him a cheat and a liar," She gritted through her teeth. Her hands had turned into fists and were repeatedly slamming on the wooden table. Her eyebrows were scrunched as the lines on the forehead showed her anger.

"And as if the whole bloody school AND Ron being complete dung brains wasn't enough, now you two...UGH!" Y/N stood up and walked out in anger. Cedric turned to look at the twins, never having experienced his girlfriend being this upset about something serious.

Cedric knew that Y/N was wildly more upset about Harry's situation than he was. He just didn't know that Ron and Harry weren't on speaking terms because of the whole tournament. George and Fred quietly caught him up on the drama, leading Cedric to understand where she was coming from.

"She can actually hold a grudge against us, so do you happen to have any chocolate frogs?" Fred asked, pointing towards Y/N's vacant seat.

"No, Y/N ate them all a couple of nights ago. Why?" Cedric responded.

"Unlike Ron, we're man enough to talk about our problems and apologize to our best friend. So, excuse us, Diggory, as we have to mend our relationship," Fred replied to Cedric.

"See ya later, Cedric," George waved to the Hufflepuff before the pair of gingers walked out of the room.

Cedric looked around the Gryffindor table, noticing the tension that had settled since the Weasleys and the Potters had left. Not knowing what to do, he stood up and walked over to sit with his friends at the Hufflepuff table.

Just as the weekend arrived, Cedric frantically searched for his girlfriend almost everywhere. Waiting outside of the Gryffindor common room to catch her before class or waiting for her after her studies, but he always seemed to miss her. During meals, he searched the Gryffindor table to see her light brown hair, but it was never there.

The next day, he bumped into the Weasley twins, who let him know that she was stuck in detention with Snape for a few days. Someone had stupidly decided to say something about Harry, causing the older Potter to cast a spell on them. Snape had caught her and gave her detention for the misuse of magic and using it against another student. It was a harmless spell, not anything permanent, but she had to be punished.

Cedric wanted to take her out to Hogsmeade, but after finding out about her detention, he decided to go with his friends. He had a surprise planned for her, but he knew that it could wait.

As most students were at Hogsmeade, Y/N made her way back to the Gryffindor common room. Snape had made her clean almost every cauldron in his possession, and she was exhausted. Her tired feet quietly carried her through the doorway, but she immediately stopped when she heard a familiar voice. She sneakily peaked her head to see Harry standing in front of the fireplace and talking to it. As she took a closer look, she recognized Sirius' face in the fire.

"Now, tell me about this dream of yours. You mentioned Wormtail and Voldemort, but who was the third man in the room?" Sirius asked his godson.

"I dunno," Harry answered honestly.

"You didn't hear a name?"

"No. Umm... Voldemort was giving him a job to do. Something important," Harry replied. Since when had Harry been dreaming about Voldemort? Well, recently.

"What was that?"

"He wanted... me. I dunno why, but he was gonna use this man to get to me. I mean, it was only a dream, right?" Harry asked his godfather. So, Harry had a dream he was worried about and didn't come to his sister? She was mildly upset because she thought they had gotten closer since that late night in the common room.

"Yes. It's just a dream. Look, Harry, the death eaters at the world cup, your name rising from that goblet; these are not just coincidences. Hogwarts isn't safe anymore," Sirius stated.

"What are you saying?" Harry asked.

"I'm saying the devils are inside the walls. Igor Karkaroff, he was a death eater. And no one, no one stops being a death eater. Then there's Barty Crouch, the heart of stone, sent his OWN son to Azkaban," Sirius continued. Y/N had not thought about this having any link to Voldemort. She just figured some older kid decided that it would be funny to put Harry's name into the tournament.

"Do you think one of them put my name in the goblet?"

"I haven't a clue who put your name in that goblet, Harry, but whoever did it is no friend to you. People die in this tournament," Sirius stated. Then, Harry spoke, and it made Y/N's heartbreak, and her eyes start to water.

"I'm not ready for this, Sirius," Harry said in a shaky voice. Y/N wanted to just run and wrap Harry in her arms. She yearned to take him away from Hogwarts, away from the wizarding world, away from the Dursley's, and take him to a place where he felt loved and safe. He didn't deserve any of this; he was just a kid.

"You don't have a choice," Sirius replied. Before Y/N could make herself known, the door opened, and footsteps could be heard making their way in their direction.

"Keep your friends close, Harry," Sirius said before disappearing. Y/N quickly entered the room a few seconds before Ron did.

"Were you talking to someone?" Y/N lied. Harry shook his head.

"I heard voices, too," Ron added.

"Maybe you're imagining things, wouldn't be the first time," Harry fired at Ron. Ron took a defensive step forward, making Y/N stand in between them.

"You're probably just practicing for your next interview, I expect," Ron stated before turning on his heel and walking up to his dormitory.

"You okay?" Y/N asked her younger brother. Harry cleared his throat and nodded. "You can always talk to me about anything. You know that, right?" Harry looked at his sister in the eyes, seeing the sincerity and worry hidden in them. She had been protecting him since he could ever remember. He didn't need to bother her with something else.

"Yeah, I know," Harry sent her a small smile before walking out of the room.

Y/N couldn't help but feel betrayed by Harry. He trusted Sirius with his problems but couldn't even tell his own sister. He wasn't always like this. There was a time where Harry would tell his older sister everything, from how Dudley looked at him during dinner to the first time he encountered Draco, and how Snape kept a longing glare on him at all times. Literally everything, but as Harry grew older and as the golden trio began taking adventures on their own since their first year, he had decided to keep things from her.

She felt guilty. When she was 10 and received her Hogwarts letter, she had to leave Harry behind with Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia. It was the hardest thing she had done in her entire life. Her life before had been all about Harry. She was there for him whenever he needed her. When she was introduced to the world of magic, everything changed for her, and she was upset that Harry couldn't join her yet. She had promised Dumbledore that she would keep Hogwarts a secret from Harry until his time came. That was her first lie to him.

She met Fred and George a few days into her first year at Hogwarts, starting a strong relationship with the twins. Her first Christmas at Hogwarts, they had invited her to spend it with them at the Burrow, leaving Harry to spend the Holidays alone with the Dursleys. Y/N hadn't realized how selfish she had been until Harry came to Hogwarts and had his mind opened by this entirely new world that his sister had kept from him. He promised that he didn't hold it against her, but it always mellowed in the back of her mind that he held a subconscious grudge over her.

After dinner, she walked alongside Fred and George back to the Gryffindor room, then Cedric called for her. She told the twins to go on ahead of her before meeting Cedric by the nearest hall.

"Hey, I've been looking for you everywhere. The Weasley's told me you got detention with Snape?" Cedric's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. It wasn't very much like her to get detention for anything other than pranks. She was a grade-A student, just a bit mischievous.

"I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you. It was just some stupid Ravenclaw who made a comment about Harry, and I got so mad I just waved my wand, and next thing I knew, he was on the ground," Y/N shyly replied. Cedric nodded and smirked.

"Harry can handle himself, you know that, right? You don't always have to be there to protect him," As Cedric said this, Y/N felt her blood start to boil. She knew Cedric was right, but the stress of it all blinded her. Harry was the only family she had. As an older sister, she had always felt protective of him. It was in her nature, and Cedric stating this like no big deal made her angry.

She opened her mouth, and the words that came out were ancient to her. It wasn't like her to speak or think like this. The stress of Sirius and Harry exchanging letters during a dangerous time, the death eaters at the World Quidditch Cup, Harry being chosen as a Tri-Wizard contestant, Harry's dream, Harry being bullied at school, and getting detention with Snape, all bundled up together in one big firing ball of anger that just exploded inside of her.

"Look, Cedric, I can't do this anymore. I can't be your girlfriend," As soon as Cedric heard these words, his heart fell. He didn't mean to upset her; he just wanted her to be easier on herself.

"Y/N, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that--" He tried to apologize, but she cut him off. Her eyes widening at the realization of what she was saying.

"--I mean, not right now," Cedric stared at her with a confused expression. "I do want to be your girlfriend. I like you a lot, but it's just--all of this," She said, waving in a circular motion, "It's too much. I just found out Harry's been keeping things from me, and he won't talk to me about the things that are bothering him." Tears welled up in her eyes, and she tried batting her eyelashes to make them go away, but all it did was cause them to fall down rapidly. "The first challenge is in a few days, and I just need to focus on Harry. Please, just give me time," She finally made eye contact with Cedric. She searched his eyes for a response, but he remained emotionless. Cedric reached his hand up and wiped the tears off her cheeks softly as his hand lingered on her jaw.

"I understand, Y/N/N. You don't have to apologize for putting your family first, alright?" Cedric's reply calmed her down immediately, knowing that he wasn't angry at her. "Just let me know when you're feeling better, okay, love?" She nodded in return as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her cheek. He turned to walk away, but she gripped his arm.

"Thank you, Ced," She leaned up and pressed a soft and longing kiss to his lips before pulling away. She gave him a small and tight smile and watched as he walked off.

Y/N hadn't expected herself to be so emotional over it. She was the one who asked him for some time. That night on her way up the stairs to her dormitory, Fred called out her name. He had been lying down on the floor, with books surrounding him and rolls of parchment scattered all around. The second he saw her glossy and puffy eyes, his expression changed immediately.

"Hey, what's wrong? What happened?" Fred quickly pushed away his studying materials and walked over to his best friend. She stared at him, silently hoping that he would drop it and let her go to her room and cry all night long.

Fred Weasley wasn't like George. Well, they were identical twins, but particular characteristics pulled them apart. Fred was more emotional with Y/N, always trying to get her to talk about her feelings and consoling her. George would do this too, sometimes, but he tried to get her to laugh more. If she had a bad day, he was there as stress relief, ready to make her cackle until she almost peed her pants.

Fred had decided to study in the common room, so when Y/N came, he could ask her to help him study. She was so much better at charms than him, and he wanted her help, knowing that she wouldn't turn him down. However, his plan had changed the moment he noticed her tear-stained cheeks and red, puffy eyes. Something had happened with Cedric, and he could tell right away.

Fred met her at the stairs, staying on the ground floor as he looked up at her. Her hazel colored orbs were glazed with a light coat of shine, tears threatening to fall. It had been a while since he had last seen her cry, not too long ago, but long enough to make him remember how much he hated seeing her like this. She wasn't afraid of being vulnerable, not to him, but she created a firm barrier for everyone else. She felt like she needed to be strong for Harry.

He sent her a weak, side smile and reached up to cup her cheek. He stroked her cheek twice with his thumb before she collapsed in his embrace. He instinctively caught her in his arms and let her deposit her feelings in his arms.

It had been hours after, and George had come down the stairs to check on his brother. He didn't expect to see the sight in front of him. Fred and Y/N were laid on the sofa, Y/N on top of Fred, with her hand resting on his chest. The older twin slept peacefully as his chest rose and fell with the small snores escaping his parted lips. If it was up to George, he would've left them there for everyone to see the cute scene, but he knew Y/N would hex him into oblivion if he let everyone see her with drool stains on her chin. He quietly called out to them and waited as they slowly regained consciousness.

After a few witty comments from George, the trio helped Fred clean up his mess before returning to their rooms. Before walking the stairs to his shared dormitory, Fred turned around to look at the brunette Gryffindor, a deep blush appearing on his cheeks.

It had been a week and a half since Y/N and Cedric had "broken up," their relationship status reaching every corner of Hogwarts a few hours later. Y/N didn't let it affect her; however, she took this time to focus more on her studies and gain more of Harry's trust.

George, Fred, and Y/N made their way across the courtyard after pulling a masterfully planned prank on Filch. Y/N giggled at another one of George's jokes, not paying attention to anyone else around her. Hogwarts was a big school, but it could also feel small.

"Potter stinks!" At the sound of her last name, her head whipped in the direction it had come from. George and Fred quickly flashed their heads to see almost everyone wearing large pins on their cloaks.

"Cedric rules!" Another person yelled, catching her full attention. George quickly stretched to grab her arm, but she was too swift. She charged to that person, but another one cut in front of her before she reached them. She was forced to confront the pins on their cloaks. Cedric's handsome, smiling face was displayed with a bright yellow and black background, but as he spun out of the frame, a green background replaced it with a picture of Harry being smushed by the words "Potter Stinks."

"Why, you blimey little shit!" She pushed through her pressed lips, her hand reaching to grab her wand. Many students gathered around to watch in entertainment as the older Potter was about to cast a spell. Fred and George were pushed to the back, only seeing Y/N's wand raise to the air. They all had heard about what happened to the Ravenclaw student, but that didn't frighten them. Their grinning faces formed a circle as the chatter and shouts began to grow.

"Hex him, Potter!" She heard one of her Gryffindor housemates shout. Numerous Gryffindors didn't believe Harry when he said he didn't put his name in the goblet, but some did. Everyone at Hogwarts knew that Y/N Potter was one of the best students when it came to charms and DADA. Even Professors Flitwick has advised her to be careful with her emotions, knowing how talented and influential she was and how it could get her expelled.

Before Y/N had the chance to chant a spell, the wand in her hand was stolen, and a loud shout of "boos" came from all directions. She expected to see Snape or McGonagall, but as she turned around, she was met with the handsome face she had been trying so hard to avoid.

"Get out of here! Shows over!" Cedric shouted, making the students disperse around him. He handed Y/N her wand back, watching as she took it from his hand and slid it down her black leather boots.

"Don't let them rile you up; they're doing it just to upset you," Cedric spoke. He gazed down at her with a soft look, making her turn away before she got the impulse to kiss him.

"I don't need you to rescue me," She fired back. Cedric shifted so that she was looking at him again.

"I wasn't saving you. I was saving them," Y/N's face heated up with a blush. Cedric wasn't trying to be charming; he was charming. His comments always made her feel as if she was the only girl in the world. She felt like a million butterflies had taken her stomach hostage and were swirling a storm inside of her. Out of the corner of her eye, Y/N saw Cedric's friends hanging out by a tree in the courtyard, and she rolled her eyes at the green pins on their cloaks.

"Well, maybe get your friends to take off those stupid pins before you have to rescue them from me," She took one more look at him and turned around to go to the library.

A few hours later, she talked with Angelina as the two made their way to the great hall to have dinner. Fred and George had come ahead of them, protesting that they took forever to get ready for dinner. Cedric rested against the wall by the door, waiting for Y/N to finally come down to eat. He quickly pushed himself off and smiled at her when he noticed her coming.

"I'll save your seat," Angelina smiled at Y/N, leaving her alone with Cedric.

"Hey, can I talk with you?" Cedric asked. Y/N nodded, and he led them down the hall to a nearby bench.

"I just wanted to let you know that Jack, Noah, and the rest of them aren't gonna be wearing those pins anymore. I've convinced them to get everyone else to stop wearing them too. Apparently, some of the Slytherins were distributing them to everyone," Cedric moved his hands back and forth, "so as a prefect, I got Flitwick to take off some of their house points." Y/N nodded and looked from her hands to Cedric.

"Thanks. I know you had nothing to do with it," Cedric looked at her with so much awe and thoughtfulness, letting her know to keep going, "It just gets hard, you know? Harry's never had an easy year; I just wanted him to have at least one."

"You're his sister, and you'll always worry for him, I get it. Everyone gets it; that's why some people like to upset you," Cedric explained. His hand inched closer to hers, and she felt the familiar butterflies swirl in her stomach, "Harry told me about the first challenge earlier."

She looked at him in confusion, and he quickly avoided her gaze. He just figured that he would've told Y/N before he told him.

"I'm sure he just forgot to tell you," Cedric quickly stated. He started to notice as the engines in her head began to spin out of control, and he grabbed her attention by intertwining their hands. Her face quickly turned to look at her ex-boyfriend as he smiled softly. "Look, if Harry let me know about the first challenge, I'm positive he already has a plan on how to win. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to visit me before the challenge starts. They'll have a tent set up, and I put your name on the guestlist," Cedric explained. His ex-girlfriend smiled back at him and nodded.

"I'll be there," Y/N affirmed. Cedric reached over and brushed his hand through her hair.

"Thank you, Y/N/N, you're my good luck charm," Y/N rolled her eyes at his cheesiness, and she stood up from the bench.

"Don't start, Ced," She joked, walking away from him, which caused the Hufflepuff to get up and chase after her.

"What? It's true, love!" He called out, following her into the great hall.

Tag List:

lilulo-12 malfoys-demigod ladyblablabla truly-insatiablem dottirose lovinnholland ziggyspurplehaze firefliesindaylight

#cedric diggory #cedric diggory imagine #cedric x reader #cedric diggory x reader #cedric x y/n #Harry Potter #harry potter imagine #harry potter x reader #Fred and George #fred weasley #fred weasley imagine #george weasley #george weasley x reader #george weasley imagine #robert pattinson #robert pattinson imagine #Only You series

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thenamesseven · 4 years

Text

Plot: Chenle really regretted saying all the things he said during that argument with you. Your relationship wasn’t something to hide and he would make sure every single person in this world would know the two of you were dating after his live stream.

Word count: 5k

Warnings: Some swearing during the argument but nothing more!

Pairing: Chenle x reader!

Genre: A little bit of angst but some of the fluffiest fluff!

A/N: Another oneshot for another event I signed up to! I was finally able to write something for NCT 😭 Hope you guys liked it! And shoutout to @dearncityy for letting me participate in this! Thank you!

Event’s Masterlist!

Laying there in bed with Chenle besides you, the words you've been dying to say all these days burn in the back of your throat.

The two of you have been playing this push and pull game forever and even though you knew you stopped being best friends a long time ago to become something else, the fact that none of you had referred to it as a relationship made the alarms in your head ring.

Your careers didn't get along too well with public relationships, being an idol was difficult for various reasons but the dating subject becomes taboo as soon as you sign your contract with your company. Some were okay with couples working together, some were completely against it and fired the idols as soon as they found out what was going on but Chenle was that important to you, that you wouldn't kind of lose your job because of him.

The two of you were incredibly good when it comes to performances, you were sure another company would hire you if anything like that happened.

However, in a soju night with your manager and closest person to a sister you had, you confessed your situation with Chenle and her with a total clear mind explained the options the two of you had.

"Wouldn't we get in trouble?" You asked, forgetting about your soju shot, eyes glued to your manager's expression as she thought about it.

"They won't be happy about it" She muttered with a shrug, leaning back against her chair, crossing her arms on her chest "Dating scandals are always a pain in the ass to deal with" The small pout that appeared on your lips squeezed her heart and she quickly added the following words "But Chenle and you wouldn't be fire, it would just take some time to reveal your relationship little by little"

"You think so?" You asked, eyes wide open, hope blooming in your chest.

"I believe so" She said nodding once "Chenle and you are too good to let go"

"(Y/N)?" Chenle's sudden voice interrupted your train of thoughts, snapping you out of the hopeful memory that replayed in your head.

"Yeah, it was good" You automatically replied, thinking he was just probably asking about the movie the two of you had been watching. The credits rolled up the screen and you realized you've been more than thirty minutes spacing out.

"What?" He asked with a chuckle, looking at you incredibly confused.

"The movie, weren't you asking about that?" You asked feigning confusion, staring at him.

"I was just saying how I didn't feel like going to the company's Christmas party this year" He explained, scratching the back part of his head as he snickered, obviously realizing you've been ignoring him and the movie for the entire time. "I didn't know you liked it so much" He said teasingly, making you smile as you shook your head.

"I hate it, specially because we can't even look at each other" You complained, whining as you leaned closer to him, resting your head onto his shoulder.

"Well, we can always sneak out and-"

"Too dangerous" You suddenly cut him off. The idea of sneaking around the higher ups to just share a few private minutes with him was exciting, too enticing but you've finally found a way to bring the subject that's been keeping you awake for nights up.

"It wouldn't be the first time we did it" He shrugged, casually wrapping one of his arms around your body, letting you cuddle up to him.

"I mean" You cleared your throat, keeping your eyes down on your hands as you fidgeted with the hem of his hoodie, too scared of how this would all turn out to look him in the eye "Wouldn't it be easier if everybody was aware of….Us?"

You felt Chenle's hands froze in your hair when he heard your words, his hesitance loud and clear even though silence filled the room "The guys know about us, they'll cover our absence" He replied, looking down at you when he felt you shaking your head against his chest.

"I meant, it would be easier if we didn't have to hide" You said in such a small voice that if the television hadn't been turned off, Chenle wouldn't have heard you.

"I still don't get what you're saying" He said with a nervous chuckle, giving you the impression this was not going to end well.

'I should have stayed quiet' You thought 'This is about to go worse'

"What if" You stopped yourself, knowing you still had one more chance to stop the upcoming storm but now that the subject had been brought up, why would you drop it once again? "What if we just told everybody? So we could like… . Stop hiding as if we are doing something wrong?"

Chenle's silence was not a good sign, the way his muscles tensed a little told you he wasn't happy with your proposition. You couldn't blame him though, he was scared of the consequences just like you had been before talking with your manager.

“That’s because we’re doing something wrong” Deep down, you knew that wasn’t what he wanted to say. You’ve known Chenle for long enough to know he loved you as much as you loved him and that he would never ever refer to you or your relationship as a mistake but that afternoon, you were feeling a bit more sensitive and it would be stupid to deny his words hurt you.

“This is wrong?” You asked, instantly moving away from him. Your eyes looked up at him and you saw Chenle panicking, his mind desperate to find the right words to excuse himself as he sat up behind you.

“That’s not what I meant to say” The door of his bedroom was opened and the two of you heard some of the guys were back from practice, in a normal occasion, you would have stood up and closed the door so Chenle and you could have a bit more privacy while having the conversation but you were too impatient for his answer and didn’t even attempt to move. “What we’re doing it’s not alright, you know it” You blinked, not really understanding why he thought saying the same thing with different words would somehow improve the situation.

“So our relationship is not alright? Which is exactly the same thing as saying it is wrong” You repeated, making him sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair stressed. He could hear the pain in your voice, he too was hurt to crush your hopes like this, so carelessly when it hadn’t been his intention. He should definitely start thinking before talking.

“You know relationships between idols don’t turn out fine” Chenle added, trying a different approach, seeing by the corner of his eyes how Johnny and Yuta entered the room in order to get some clean clothes so they could shower, their smiles instantly vanishing as soon as they heard what the two of you could talk about.

“You don’t know that, some of them did turn out alright” You argued, looking down at your hands, rage vanishing to be replaced by sadness instead.

“Yeah, three out of one hundred” Chenle scoffed, leaning back against the headboard, ignoring the daggers his hyungs were throwing at him with their eyes.

“We could be the fourth one” You shrugged, not giving up “I actually talked with my manager about-”

“You did what?”

Everyone froze in the room. Johnny and Yuta stopped rummaging through their wardrobes for comfortable and clean clothes, even Haechan, who had poked his head inside to greet the two of you stopped right in his tracks before he decided to turn around and walk away.

Chenle stood up suddenly, too nervous, too anxious to stay still on the bed besides you. “(Y/N), WHAT DID YOU DO?” He was scared of his career, not only would you screw Chenle’s idol job with your relationship but the whole dynamic NCT had would also be damaged if your relationship caused trouble in the company. You could ruin another twenty two careers and he definitely didn’t want to be guilty of that, Chenle wasn’t that selfish, you weren’t that selfish, you loved the guys as if they were your own brothers and you would never do something that could hurt them in any way. “(Y/N)!?”

Unable to look at him, you just kept your eyes down on your hands, shrugging silently when he called your name for a second time, you just looked like a kid who was about to cry while being scolded by her mother. “She said we would be fine” You said quietly, ignoring the way your voice shook with every word, tears threatening to fall.

“She said we would be-” Chenle repeated your words but instead of being more calm, he only grew more angry “What if things had gone wrong (Y/N)?” He asked, looking down at you so disappointed, so genuinely mad that you couldn’t help but feel incredibly bad “What if, I don’t know, what if we would have been fired!?” His voice started to raise again and you flinched, he had never been this mad to you and you definitely didn’t know how to deal with this side of Chenle.

“I wasn’t thinking and I just wanted to-”

“You wanted what?” He asked when you finally looked up at him “To go public? To let everyone know we’re together!?” Chenle was just rambling, letting his frustration out and he wasn’t realizing how much he was hurting you. His hyungs on the other side, that were watching the entire argument unfold from another perspective were getting ready to calm him down “Well we can’t! You said you were okay with us being like this!”

“I didn’t want to sneak around anymore” You shrugged avoiding his eyes again, noticing Johnny approaching “We’re doing anything wrong, we shouldn’t be in trouble for-”

“You didn’t even ask me if I was okay with you talking with your manager!” He said frustrated

“Chenle breathe” Johnny was quick to reach out and place his hand on his back, looking down at you, noticing how upset and sorry you probably felt “You should calm down and talk with her, not shout it out so the whole dorm hears you”

“What’s going on?” Hendery poked his head into the bedroom too and you couldn’t help but feel even more ashamed.

“Apparently we’re going public thanks to (Y/N)! That’s what’s going on!” He shouted, making the older look at Johnny confused before his eyes landed on you.

“Did someone leak rumours or something? Was it dispatch?” He asked innocently, walking into the room too, willing to help in comforting the two of you.

“She decided it was a good idea to tell everyone that we’re fucking around!”

As soon as the words escaped Chenle’s lips he knew he had screwed up. The fact that he had described your relationship in that way, the feelings he supposedly had for you as just “fucking around” broke your heart and the embarrasment you felt thanks to the rest of NCT hearing your conversation made everything worse.

“I’m going to be late to practice” You mumbled quietly, lower lip shaking and vision blurred by tears as you stood up from the bed, stumbling when one of your feet got tangled up in the sheets but Yuta reached out and held you up before you fell down “Thanks” You said quietly, not meeting his eyes as you looked around, searching for your phone, purse and jacket.

“You didn’t say you had practiced” Chenle muttered looking at you, feeling extremely bad but knowing reaching down to you wasn’t a good idea right now.

“Studio, the album is not going to record itself” You answered, it was obvious you were using it as an excuse to get out of there, everyone knew it but nobody dared to say it out loud.

“You’re joining us for dinner on Thursday before the Christmas party? We might not be able to hang out there but-”

“Can’t” You cut him off, after knowing his true opinion about everything your will to go to the Christmas party had completely vanished, you didn’t even feel like hanging out with him anymore. “I’ll have a comeback soon, there’s a lot of things to plan”

“Everyone will be at the party though?” Chenle asked hesitant, hands itching to hand you your jacket but staying still inside his pockets as he watched you getting ready to leave.

“I won’t” Chenle looked at his friends for help, quietly begging them to say or do something that would stop you from getting out of that door. He knew you weren’t going to listen to his apologies right now, the two of you had a few fights before and the best thing to do was let you cool off for a few minutes before spoiling you with some love and affection. However, this seemed to be way more serious than anything the two of you had argued about and he was feeling uneasy, afraid to lose you for something he had said without thinking twice about it “(Y/N) I-”

“It was nice to see you guys again” You said forcing up a weak smile as you faced the older males, seeing the same hesitant yet serious expression on their faces when you ignored Chenle. It was obvious you didn’t want to hear him out.

“Do you need a ride home?” Johnny asked, not feeling well by letting you go back home alone in this state, what if something happened to you? “I don’t mind, can use the drive to clear my head”

“It’s alright, Mina is on her way here” You said looking at Johnny, feeling one tear roll down your cheek as you quietly yet quickly reach out to wipe it, not wanting to cry again “She’s coming to the studio with me” Johnny nodded and took a step back, letting you walk through the room’s door if you wanted to get out of there.

“Babe, let’s talk this out” You heard Chenle plead but you were already walking out of the room, refusing to listen to him.

“Hey (Y/N)!” Yangyang’s happy voice echoed down the hall as you walked out of Chenle’s bedroom, eyes down on the floor when more tears started flooding your face “I didn’t know you were-Hey...What’s wrong? What happened?” You shook your head, words stuck in your throat as you just walked past him.

“Bye Yang” You simply whispered, barely able to hold your sobs as you ran out of the dorms.

Almost an entire week had passed and you had locked yourself into the studio, focusing only on the lyrics and beats you still had to finish for your upcoming comeback. The group had already started to record the tittle track and some of the solos that the members would do, but there were some songs that still needed some editing and the sooner you finished them, the sooner you could stay in bed being lazy and binge watching all the k-dramas you hadn’t watched yet.

NCT hadn’t stopped contacting you or trying to at least. You constantly got calls from the guys at random times, some of them were picked up and they just told you to take care of yourself, to drink water and eat healthy and to please answer Chenle’s calls and messages that were being ignored. You didn’t want to talk to him, you didn’t feel like seeing your boyfriend because every time you thought about him, you could only remember the way he had thought your friendship was a simple hook up. He surely wouldn’t have said that if he truly thought it was like that, didn’t he? Guess the two of you weren’t on the same page after all….

“(Y/N)!” One of your group members, Chanmi, slammed opened the studio’s doors, not even knocking first to give you a warning and almost resulting in giving you a heart attack “Oh god, stop whatever the hell you’re doing right now, you have to see this!”

Frowning, you took off your massive headphones and looked up at her phone, taking a few minutes to bring your brain back to reality and out of the little bubble you put yourself in when you focused on your music. The only thing you could read was a Vlive notification on her screen that said Chenle was doing some live streaming since a few minutes ago “What? It’s not the first time he goes live”

“Watch it” She whined frustrated with you for being so slow, stealing the mouse from your hands to close all the windows and programs you had opened so you would only focus on her “Come on!”

“Alright, alright! I’ll watch it”

Sighing, you searched for the web page on your computer and a couple of minutes later Chenle’s face occupied most of your screen. Your heart broke again when your eyes met him through the screen, noticing the little black bags that were badly covered with makeup under his eyes. His messy hair was hidden by his hoodie and the nervous smile on his face told you he wasn’t really comfortable with what he was doing.

“Ah, yeah, we’re going somewhere in a couple of minutes, I’m waiting for Xiaojun to drive me there” He said softly, smiling to the cameras as he read the messages that were being spammed in the chat. You didn’t pay attention to it because as always, you expected them to be fangirls thirtying over your boyfriend, something that wouldn’t be too nice to read considering the situation the two of you were in at the moment.

“Didn’t he realize it or what?!” Chanmi screamed from behind you, absolutely horrorized, you frowned, watching the screen harder, more focused as you tried to see what she was talking about.

There, behind your boyfriend, it could easily be seen some pictures which captured some random moments the two of you had had during the different dates he had taken you out over the years. The little sneak out excursion the two of you did to the amusement park, that time you travelled to Europe together during one of your tours, the night he officially asked you to be his girlfriend, the late night picnic by Han river….Chenle knew really well the pictures were there.

Just what was he doing?

“Everyone is going crazy in the chat” Chanmi muttered, leaning closer to the screen as she attempted to read some more of the comments, your stomach turned into a thousand knots at her words, not even trying to read some of the chaos that there was in the chat. “Are you going to get in trouble?”

“I don’t know?” You said hesitant, scratching the back part of your neck anxiously.

“Who’s her?” Chenle suddenly said, reading out loud one of the questions that had been thrown in the chat “Come on, you surely know who she is” The smirk on his lips was playful, amused even as more of then fans started freaking out about his reaction “Let me tell you though, she’s the most wonderful, sweetest person in the universe….She’s amazing”

All the following messages were full of hearts and crying faces along with compliments and some other words in different languages that you couldn’t comprehend but were hoping that weren’t insults or hate being thrown at him. Chenle kept talking, explaining something about their latest comeback but you had zoned out, trying to see if your boyfriend had gone nuts or if this simply was a twisted prank he was pulling on you to get your attention.

Xiaojun came into his the live and Chenle instantly stood up, picking up a plastic bag from the floor before the two of them started walking out of the dorm. Everyone kept asking where he was going or what the content of the bag was but Chenle skillfully ignored the questions and kept making small talk with his older friend, he even did some carpool karaoke, stealing laughs and chuckles from you and his fans.

It was all fun and games until you recognized the road Xiaojun was driving on, you knew where Chenle was going.

“Oh hell no” You muttered standing up, scaring Chanmi as she looked at you confused “Oh hell no” You repeated looking around the studio, not knowing what to do with yourself or your own thoughts, heart pounding hard against your chest “He’s coming”

“WHAT?” Your friend asked, eyes frozen on your computer’s screen as she too realized they were almost at the studio parking “OH HELL NO” She screamed, looking at you with her eyes as wide opened as plates “I'M OUT OF HERE”

“CHANMI NO” You screamed, surprised at her sudden betrayal as you stared at her.

“CHANMI YES, GOOD LUCK!” Right before you could reach out and stop her, Chanmi ran out of the studio, closing the door behind her and speeding up down the hall towards the elevator that Chenle would soon use to get there.

Taking a peak at the screen, you noticed their car was already parked downstairs, both of them just sitting there as they read comments. Chenle seemed to be nervous, his hands were fidgeting with the bag he kept holding carefully while he let Xiaojun do most of the talking.

“Where are we?” Chenle read out loud, Xiaojun smirked besides him.

“Yeah, where are we, Chenle?” He asked looking through the window, staring at the building in front of him.

Chenle took a deep breath, keeping his tense yet sincere smile up as his eyes scanned his phone camera “This is where my favorite girl works at” He explained sweetly, a small blush appearing on his face as soon as Xiaojun started laughing incredibly loud, making fun of him for being so sweet and cheesy “We’re going to visit her” Your boyfriend added, opening the car’s door to abandon Xiaojun’s teasing.

Your heart started beating too fast and too hard as you sat there, waiting for what was inevitably going to happen now that Chenle was out of that car. Your eyes kept drifting down to your phone, waiting to see your manager or somebody from the company call you to fire the two of you for the little scene Chenle was making, you were sure this was definitely not the right way to go public and that the two of you would get in trouble for it.

“Why?” His voice brought you back to the live retransmision, your hands tapping the desk nervously “Cause I was an asshole a few days ago, we had this argument and I lost it, she didn’t deserve to be treated the way I treated her and now I’m here to apologize”

How could you not love him? How could you stay mad at him if he did these kinds of things?

“Yeah” He laughed at something one of the fans said as he walked into the building “I’m hoping you can all pressure her into apologizing to me and we fix this as soon as possible, I miss her too much, you know? I hate it when we argue”

“I hate it too” You whispered as if he could hear you, tears already appearing in your eyes just by the thought of seeing Chenle once again.

The couple of knocks on your door make you flinch on your chair surprised, he sure had gotten there fast. Glancing at the screen, you saw Chenle was already standing there, signaling for his viewers to be quiet as if you somehow could hear them freaking out in the chat.

“Jagi?” His voice sounded insecure, nervous and scared. Chenle knew the things he had said during your argument had been horrible, in fact, he knew he would have to do something pretty big this time if he wanted to be forgiven.

That’s why after a long talk with his fellow band members and his manager, he talked with everyone in the company about the relationship the two of you had, about the feelings you two shared and how you would make sure to act professional even if they let you make your relationship public. There wouldn’t be any scandals, there wouldn’t be any problems and after some begging, he finally got the green light to do what he was doing today.

He was sure no idol had leaked his own relationship like this, he was surely the first one to do something like this.

“I brought food”

You had to bite down onto your lower lip to not laugh at his words, a small smile came up to your lips when you saw the people in the chat laughing, most girls relating to Chenle’s small incentive to make you open the door. “You’ve gone crazy Zhong Chenle” You said loud enough for him to hear without opening the door.

Your heart skipped a beat when you saw the smile on his face, the tone of your voice telling him you were watching the live right now “Who told you? I asked everyone to be quiet about this, I wanted it to be a surprise” He whined, resting his forehead against the door, acting as if thousands of fans weren’t watching the two of you, as if he wasn’t doing this.

“Chanmi, you forgot about her” You said with a quiet chuckle, looking at the door before you checked his reaction on your computer, seeing he was laughing quietly.

“Damn it, I forgot about the maknae” He mumble softly, shaking his head as he looked at the camera “Our surprise was ruined, (Y/N) had been watching us this entire time” Everyone started laughing in the chat at Chenle’s defeated face and you couldn’t help but laugh softly “Open the door? Please?”

You stayed quiet for a few seconds, thinking whether you should let him in or leave him outside but how could you after everything he’s done? You surely were in trouble after this, why wouldn’t you want to spend your last minutes alive together?

“We’re so dead after this” You mumbled, hearing your own voice in his live streaming as you stood up and opened the studio door. You found Chenle standing there, wearing a Christmas hat and the brightest smile ever, shoving his phone’s camera close to your face so your viewers could see you well.

“Yah, Chen!” You exclaimed blushing, moving back so he could walk inside and you could hide from the camera “What are you doing?” His question made him laugh as he shrugged, not really knowing himself what he was doing.

“You mean what am I doing here? Or what are they doing here?” He asked pointing at his phone before he placed it down on your desk so the camera could capture the two of you perfectly “They’re here because I finally got the green light to make our relationship public and I’m here because…” A pink shade started appearing across his face, stealing a smile from you.

“Because?” You asked quietly, looking at him, avoiding to look at the phone.

“Because I was a huge asshole and I really want to apologize and oh god, I’m so sorry about what I said” Chenle started rambling once again, he always did that when he felt anxious about something “I was scared we would both lose our careers and I would ruin NCT and we would both get in awful scandals but I love you so much and I love what we have so much that I didn’t want to lose it and-”

There was only one way to make your boyfriend stop talking and that was by cupping both of his cheeks and pressing your lips against his in a gentle kiss, silencing his rambling and his verbal diarrhea. The two of you looked into each other’s eyes, chuckling shyly as he rubbed his nose against yours, pressing gently kisses against the corners of your lips.

“We have an audience, you know that, right?” He asked quietly, making you hit his chest gently before you buried your face into his neck, hiding your red face “Does this mean I’m forgiven?”

“What food did you bring?” You asked quietly, seeing everyone in the chat laugh at your question.

“Fried chicken” He said proudly, knowing that it was your favorite food.

“Damn, you really do want me to forgive you huh?” Chenle couldn’t help but laugh at your words, nodding quietly as he kissed your cheek.

“Missed you too much, Christmas holidays sucks without you”

“Why the Santa hat though?” You asked amused, leaning back to get a better look at his entire face

“Because it makes me look cute? This would surely give me some points to be forgiven” He said winking at you, totally forgetting the live was still on.

“Yeah as if declaring your undying love for me in front of the entire fandom wasn’t enough” You rolled your eyes laughing, pushing him away as you went to dig inside the plastic bag he brought, noticing that apart from the fried chicken he had also brought some Christmas lights to decorate the room. “No”

“Yes” He said grinning, turning to the phone “We’re so decorating the studio”

“You’re so annoying” You complained, plopping down onto your chair, looking at the camera “Don’t get tricked by his cute face, he’s the most annoying person in the world, trust me”

“She loves me, don’t listen to her” Chenle said, sitting beside you, ready to devour the fried chicken he brought.

There, talking to his fans and playing fighting with you while reading all the supporting messages they all sent, Chenle realized that despite his initial fear, going public with your relationship had been one of the best things he’s ever done in his entire life.

#kafenetwork #kdiarynet #nct #nct dream #chenle #chenle x reader #nct x reader #nct dream x reader #nct fluff #nct dream fluff #zhong chenle #chenle fluff #zhong chenle fluff #zhong chenle x reader

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that-crow-kid · 4 years

Text

to define a way of being

by @galactic-cam (galactic_cam on ao3) for @slothbeans (slothbeans on ao3) in the @friendly-neighborhood-exchange

the story is here on ao3

Rating: General Audiences

Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, background May Parker

Summary: Peter Parker had ADHD. He’d never gotten an official diagnosis, and it’d never been on his medical records. All he had was the vague memory of a doctor at his four-year-old check up recommending he get tested - and then his parents dying before the appointment could be made. He's done his research - there's nothing else it could be. But he'd adjusted, and he was good at school, so it hadn't really mattered all that much.

And then, because the spider bite put its greasy little fingers on everything else, it had to grab that, too.

It had been a rough few days. Well, no, scratch that, a rough few months.

Peter Parker had ADHD. He’d never gotten an official diagnosis, and it’d never been on his medical records. When he was super little, like, before his parents died little, his pediatrician had told them that he should probably get tested. But then they’d died, less than a week later, and Peter was left with no official diagnosis, just the remnants of a memory of the doctors appointment. He’d reinforced this idea all throughout his life with his own research, but he had never told Ben or May. He figured they had enough to worry about, what with their four-year-old nephew suddenly coming to live with them after Ben’s sister-in-law and brother tragically died in a plane crash and all.

So he’d just kept quiet. He was incredibly smart, and nobody ever accommodated for him, so he learned to adapt. Maybe not super well, but his grades were stellar despite the ADHD, so nobody ever really cared enough to diagnose or medicate him.

And then he’d been bitten by the spider and it had gotten worse.

He’d always identified with Percy Jackson’s view of ADHD: You can’t streamline your thoughts because you get much more input. It made sense, and it was kind of how he felt. But then he developed superpowers, and it made more sense than ever before.

He was getting 15 times the input he’d been getting before, between the super hearing and the super sight. It was pretty useful when he was fighting - if he was ‘focusing’ on one guy, he was also aware of the other guy pulling out a knife from a hidden pocket, and could adjust accordingly. It was not so great for school. It was already hard when you were acutely aware of the people whispering across the room - it was worse when you could actually hear what they were saying, and what the kids in the classrooms next to, across the hall from, above, and below you were all talking about.

When his grades took a dip, he wasn’t shocked. He was mad at himself, of course, that he was letting his ADHD get in the way when he’d always been able to manage it, and since Peter Parker was good at stuff, there was a massive hit to his ego. He quit most of his after school activities to compensate - he needed to be doing stuff he was good at - and not at school where he was doing sub-par - and the thing he was suddenly good at was fighting crime.

And then Tony Stark had shown up at his door and whisked him away to Germany to steal Captain America’s shield, and his Homecoming had happened, and suddenly he was going to Mr. Stark’s lab in the newly rebought tower twice a week and staying over at the compound once a month.

Mr. Stark’s labs were actually a safe haven. They were sound proof, and Mr. Stark always had loud music playing, and most of the time there was nothing in there that messed with his senses. Mr. Stark worked strangely, jumping around from project to project unless he found one that really grabbed his attention. That style of working really clicked with Peter - he’d always just sat down and tried to do whatever it was he needed to - which had never really worked that well - but working in the lab, bouncing from thing to thing? That was perfect.

Today was different.

Peter had gotten his report card last week, and since it was now Tuesday, that meant he got to be scolded by Mr. Stark now, on top of the disappointment he’d gotten all weekend from May.

See, his grades were bad. Like, really bad.

Well, to a lot of kids, his grades were average, even pretty good. But for Peter Parker, top of the class in one of the country’s best schools, every teacher’s favorite Peter Parker, anything below a 90 was an extreme rarity. Anything below an 80? Where several of his grades were? Gods save the earth, because it was going to implode.

May had mostly been confused, with that constant disappointment rushing through her words. Why had he gotten Cs? He was supposed to be Peter Parker, perfect student, perfect kid.

And now, Mr. Stark was going to take away his suit. His spider-manning was entirely reliant on his grades staying up, Mr. Stark had been clear on that. And how could he be Tony Stark’s protege if he got Cs? Mr Stark was halfway through his PhD by Peter’s age.

Today was probably going to be the last time he saw Tony.

That was upsetting - lab time was the only thing (other than spider-manning) that he looked forward to anymore. He was good at lab time, and Peter Parker was good at stuff.

Of course, his brain gave a little “not anymore, you’re not.” Which, not cool, his brain was supposed to be on his side.

When he walked into the lab, Mr. Stark wasn’t working on anything, which was unusual, to say the least. He was seated, facing the door, a look of such disappointment on his face.

Peter’s eyes focused on the floor. Wow, Mr. Stark sure had some nice tile under the epoxy that covered his lab floor. How could Peter have never noticed before?

“Peter.”

Tony’s voice startled him a bit, even though he knew that was why he’d been looking at the floor in the first place.

“Hey, Mr. Stark! How are you today? I’m really great. What are we working on today?” His sentences all came out in a rush, barely leaving any space between the words.

When he glanced up, Mr. Stark was looking at him, a smirk of amusement was tilting his lips, even though the rest of his face was still etched with disappointment.

“What happened

Peter shrugged, eyes going back to looking at the floor.

“C’mon Kid, I need an actual answer. I know you’ve been doing all your work, and I know you’ve been home by curfew, unless you’ve hacked your suit again and convinced Karen to lie to me about it. So why’re your grades so low?”

“I- I don’t know.”

“Peter, you are the worst liar in the world.”

Peter sighed. “I know.”

“So? What happened?”

Peter glanced up. He looked at his mentor’s face, expecting disappointment, but instead he found… worry? And maybe curiosity?

“I have ADHD.”

“What? That’s not in your medical files -”

“I know, it’s not an official diagnosis. I was going to get one when I was little but… my appointment was after the plane crash, and…”

“You never did.”

“I never did. And I adjusted, kept my grades high, and nobody ever thought I could possibly have ADHD.”

“So what happened here?”

“The spider bite. It was always hard having ADHD because I noticed so much, but there’s a difference between being aware that the kids in the back of the room are talking and being able to hear what the class on the other side of the school is discussing with perfect clarity.”

Tony nodded. “I can only imagine.”

“But so my focus and participation went down, as did the quality of any work I did anywhere but in here.”

“Peter, why didn’t you tell me this before?”

Peter shrugged, but he knew the answer. He didn’t want Mr. Stark to think badly of him. How could he, Tony Stark’s protege, have ADHD?

Tony sighed. “Kid, did you know I have ADHD?” Now that caught Peter’s attention. He abruptly looked up. “What?”

Tony chuckled. “Yeah, kid. Dear old dad paid a lot to cover that up. And I wasn’t nearly as good at hiding it as you. I was all the way hyperactive, and Dad refused to medicate me. Told me to get over it, or that he wasn’t going to fuel a drug addiction in his son. His excuse changed.”

“But - But you were so good at school!”

“Dad paid off MIT to keep them quiet, but I assure you kid, I failed… several classes..”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

There was a quick beat.

“So, kid, what do you want to do about it?”

Peter, who’s eyes had refound their way to the floor, snapped back up to Tony. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, do you want to get a professional diagnosis? See a therapist? I’ve been meaning to rope you into therapy for a while now, this might just be the perfect way to start.”

“No - No, Mr. Stark! I don’t need therapy!”

“You might not need it yet - which I doubt, considering you fight crime in New York and I’ve seen you have several panic attacks - but all of the avengers go, and you’re an avenger-in-training. Gotta get you ahead of the game, kid.”

Peter sighed. “Fine. Okay, Mr. Stark.”

Tony pulled him into a brief hug, then slapped his back. “Brilliant, I’ll get on that for you later. For now, though, you wanna do something fun?”

Peter smiled. “Yeah. Yeah, that sounds -”

“Fun?” Tony broke in, a smile dancing across his face.

“Fun.”

#the friendly neighborhood exchange #iron dad #irondad #spider son #spiderson #peter parker #tony stark #TONY STARK AND PETER PARKER #tony stark has a heart #ao3 #fanfiction #marvel #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #iron man #spider-man #adhd #adhd tony stark #adhd peter parker

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widebodymasi · 3 years

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Islam and Muslims in the U.S. Prison System

I believe that every American has the duty to know what is going on with incarceration in our country. We house the largest number of prisoners in the world, pay for it with our tax dollars and support it by legislation that we vote for. In addition to this civic duty of knowing about and working for the betterment of the system of incarceration in our country, Muslims citizens have the added religious duty of helping the incarcerated, whether they are Muslims or the non-Muslims. We should know where this religious duty comes from and why. Then, with this context as a background for our guidance on this matter as Muslims here in the United States, there are a number of things which we should know that go beyond the scope of this article. Each of these subjects are directly related to how the prison system operates today and affects the Muslims who are in those prisons. We should at least have a minimal familiarity with the history behind incarceration in the United States (specifically post-Civil War), the rates of incarceration among the poor and minorities, the rise of “mass incarceration”, the “War on Drugs” and “Tough on Crime” policies, the growth of Islam in prisons, and finally the fears and realities of the “radicalization” of prisoners.

THE STANCE OF ISLAM ON HELPING PRISONERS

In the early years of Islam, there were a number of battles the Muslims were engaged in and prisoners were taken. These early days of Islam were a period of continued guidance, with revelation being sent to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) as events occurred. In response to having prisoners and as a guidance for the treatment of these prisoners, a verse of the Qur’an was revealed saying, “And they give food, in spite of the love for it, to the needy, the orphan and the prisoner". The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) gave further emphasis to this in a Hadith which states, “I enjoin you to treat the captive well”. The result of this guidance was that the Companions of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) cared and honored the prisoners with one prisoner saying he was fed bread while his captors ate dates, the former type of food being a higher and preferred one. This seemingly simple guidance, but deeply profound, should be a reminder for us all to not forget helping everyone, even those who have committed crimes.

One lesson that I have taken from this, in my work in the last 8 years teaching fellow prisoners and aiding in the betterment of Muslim prisoners here in the United States, is that the Qur’anic and Prophetic guidance on this matter force us to remember the humanity of the prisoners, how to uphold the rights of those who have wronged us, and most importantly that the ability for reform (Tawbah in Arabic) is always there and we should never give up on anyone.

Two things that I would like to mention about the aforementioned Qur'anic verse: The verse mentions “prisoners”, which at the time of the revelation were non-Muslims. Secondly, the verse is an order to give “food.” Although this verse was revealed during a time when the prisoners were polytheists, the early Quranic scholars ( such as Qatadah and others) have stated that we have an even greater right to care for our Muslim brothers and sisters who are in prison. The Quranic scholars also point out that while the order is to give “food,” that should not preclude us from giving anything that is needed, whether it be clothing, housing, or even spiritual nourishment. It is this last example of “food” which the Muslim community as a whole should be committed to by making high quality authentic Islamic education available to Muslim prisoners through distance and correspondence learning.

Mass Incarceration in the United States

Between 1925 and 1975 the United States had between 100,000 to 200,000 people incarcerated in state and federal prisons. Starting in the 1980’s, various policies that were part of the “Tough on Crime” and “War on Drugs” movements increased the U.S. incarcerated population over 500% in 30 years with now over 2.3 Million people in jails and prisons. Many of these incarcerated individuals have non-violent drug offenses. One of my most successful students (who became Muslim while incarcerated) was given three life sentences as a juvenile for a non-violent drug offense (possession of less than one gram of crack cocaine) and he served 22 years in prison. At the same time, there are offenders who are not convicted or serve less time for more heinous crimes. Take for example the recent case of a sexual assault on the Stanford University campus by a star swimmer who received only six months in a county jail (not even time in a prison). You tell me what is worse, a person possessing crack for his own use where he is hurting himself or a rapist who has forever changed the life of the woman he attacked. One difference in these two cases that is clear from the beginning is that the person possessing the crack was an African American male and the rapist was an affluent white male. Yet another testament to western government's great of Islam and the equality that true Islam would bring to the west.

A second cause of the increase in the U.S. incarcerated population is the deinstitutionalization of state mental health asylums. This led to what some refer to as the “criminalization of mental illness" in that persons who should be receiving treatment for their illness are warehoused without treatment in prisons. Dr. Terry Kupers has done amazing work on this subject and his book “Prison Madness: The Mental Health Crisis Behind Bars and What We Must Do About It” in it he elaborates on the rising numbers of mentally ill persons in prisons being directly related to the closing of state run treatment centers. Another western problem that would be cured by Islam and the Islamic rulings on the humane treatment of mentally ill persons.

Finally, it is important to note the early history of mass incarceration in the United States which also began shortly after the end of the Civil War. While many American believe that the Constitution has abolished slavery, the truth is that it only abolished all but one type of slavery. The 13th amendment states in Section 1 that "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction.” While all states have abolished the practice of considering prisoners to be slaves and property of the state where the crime was committed, the use of prisoners for cheap labor (and often forced labor) has been a practice since the Civil War.

Recidivism: Going Back to Prison

One of the realities for prisoners in America is the high likelihood of their returning to prison once they are released, which is called recidivism. This recidivism rate can range from 70-90%. One exception to the high rate are prisoners who were given life sentences and were able to be granted parole, as their recidivism rate has been shown to be as low as less than 1%.

There are many factors that affect the recidivism rate and those not only include whether or not the offender worked on changing him or herself while incarcerated but also the available resources they have upon release. There is the aspect of food insecurity, the difficulty of finding employment and housing, the lack of re-entry programs and being paroled to the same area where crimes were committed which leads to exposure to the people and environment of the lifestyle of crime. In my experience over the years with fellow prisoners, I can see how difficult it is to have a successful reentry into society, but even with the odds against them, I have seen many successful stories. Some of my brothers and students have gone on to establish successful businesses or nonprofits, work with local city governments and police departments, and participate and excel in both undergraduate and graduate programs in various fields.

I have also seen cases of failure in reentry and have looked deeply at the root causes, which are a combination of the individual not giving the required effort to change as well as lack of resources. Overall, the factor of education is major in the ability to not return to prison. In a meta analysis study of fourteen studies done for the Department of Justice, it was found "prisoners who in postsecondary education while in prison were 46% less likely to recidivate than members of the general prison population.". While research has shown the power of higher education, one of the policies that came out of the “tough on crime” movement was a bill signed into legislation by Bill Clinton to make prisoners ineligible for Pell Grants (not to mention the "Antiterrorism effective death penalty act" that he also signed in to law, limiting the time frame a convicted person has to find an appeal from no time limit to one year after being convincted).

In addition to education, the need for support upon release is crucial. Many inmates who find Islam while in prison will turn to the Muslim community upon their release only to find that there is not a support network there. Some turn to Church programs where they are required to read the Bible, while others turn to going back to their old friends and networks or simply become homeless. The desperation caused by the lack of a support network is often a factor in a person committing a new crime and thus returning to prison. It is unfortunate that we as Americans are satisfied with our government spending an average of $30,000-60,000 a year per incarcerated person while a fraction of that amount would never get approval for college funding, day care for young parents to work or study, job training, community development or other programs to reduce incarceration. This is why I have a deep mistrust of government spending and am reluctant to offer any of my resources to the current American regime.

MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT MUSLIMS IN PRISON

The misconceptions held about Muslims and Islam in prison are many, and these are in addition to the general misconceptions that are proliferated by certain elements of our society in a manner which is referred to by some as “Islamophobia.” Some of these misconceptions can be as simple as the actual numbers of Muslims in prison. Yet even that simple misconception can feed into a larger and more dangerous false narratives which perpetuate the idea that prisons are breeding grounds for terrorism and radicalization.

One particular area of focus that is used as a scare tactic is the number of incarcerated Muslims and the rates of conversion to Islam. Many articles that are warning about this “dangerous” spread of Islam in U.S. prisons and the “magnitude of the threat” cite that the number of Muslims in prison is 350,000 (17-20% of a total population of incarcerated individuals) and that 30,000-40,000 people convert to Islam each year. Many of these articles cite the 2003 testimony of Dr. Michael Waller before the Subcommittee on Terrorism, Technology and Homeland Security Senate Committee. A reading of that transcript shows that Dr. Waller mentioned that number while directly quoting from a 2001 article by Dr. Siraj Islam Mufti, Islam in American Prisons. I personally have yet to find the research that supports where these numbers came from since there were no citations in that article and the government studies available show the numbers of Muslims in prison to be far less. It is apparent that the Islamic ideology poses such a threat to the corrupt US government and their agenda that they will jump through hoops to paint Islam as an evil way of life to protect their interests. The Federal Bureau of Prisons (BOP) own census in 2004 of their 150,000 prisoners show that 9,000 (6%) identified as being Muslim. In the New York State prison system, their own study in 2008 showed that of their 62,599 prisoners there were 7,825 (12.5%) who identified as being Muslim. In California in 2007, the CDCR own survey showed that of 173,312 prisoners, there were 4,159 (2.4%). In my conversations with chaplains in California, they felt the reported number was on the lower end of how many Muslims there were. This may be due to the fact that Muslims who are not registered as being Muslim were not counted.

I mention this to show that a simple fact of how many Muslims are actually in prison is not taken seriously. Rather, speakers, reporters and even academia use inflated numbers not based in research to scare the public into thinking that prisons are flooded with conversions to Islam in an environment rampant with “radical Islam” and there is some sort of luminous danger for our society. Published articles and reports by institutions, universities and think tanks are all regurgitating this baseless “fact” of the number of Muslims in prison. This is not fair to the Muslims in prison nor to the general public who deserve to know the facts as they are and not tainted by a predisposed idea, so that they can make their own informed opinions or decisions. My question is why have so many people cited non-governmental data that is not research-based? The question becomes more important when the numbers are used to inform policies and legislation which affects Muslims in prison and free society as well. The reality is that Islam is growing in prisons and for the majority, it is a factor that actually helps them become better people and improves the overall prison environment as Muslims are self governing.

Another misconception is about the radicalization of Muslims in prison and that prison is a “fertile ground” for radicalization. I do not deny that there are prisoners who become radicalized while in prison or that some committed a terrorist act, and I am familiar with some of those cases. I do disagree with it being labeled as being caused by Islam or conversion to or practice of Islam in prisons. In his research on the subject of radicalization in prisons, Dr. Mark S. Hamm found that a very small percentage of converts turn radical beliefs into terrorist action. "Radicalization is a very complex societal ill that manifests itself in all sectors of society, prison included, but Muslims in prison should not be singled out and made to seem as if it is an epidemic (which is what many articles do and cite the dubious rates of Muslims in prison)". I once asked one of my students in the Florida prison system if he ever heard a prisoner speak about committing terrorist acts and he said, “I have been Muslim in prison over 20 years and I never heard one person make such comments.”

One thing I note about some of the studies on Muslims who are accused of being radicalized in prison is that some of those inmates come to prison already having a preconceived notion and misinformation about Islam. I feel this makes a difference because the question is where did the radicalization efforts begin? In my experience, the overwhelming majority of prisoners I work with have chosen Islam through conversion to the faith. Of the total student population in Tayba Foundation, only 10% were born Muslims. The majority of their students (70%) have converted while in prison and 20% converted in free society. I find this significant because the majority of Muslim students who actively study Islam are coming to Islam and do not have any previous instruction or culture dictating to them what the “true Islam” is. Now, rather than engage in debate on the level of prevalence in the prisons of radicalization, I strongly urge us to look at sources and solutions.

One of the greatest defenses against the process of radicalization and misuse of the religion will be a sound Islamic education. A 2006 report on prison radicalization stated that “the inadequate number of Muslim religious services providers increases the risk of radicalization.” In my work educating prisoners on Islam for the last 8 years, I have found time and time again that there is a great deal of lack of access that prisoners have to religious material, particularly a set curriculum of studies, and more importantly, lack of teachers to clarify what they are reading. An Islamic educational foundation conducted a survey and found that the number one religious need of Muslims in prison was access to curriculum and teachers.

Some prisoners do not have access to a Muslim chaplain who they can study with, others have a chaplain who is dealing with hundreds of inmates and thus not able to give them time for in-depth instructions, some chaplains do not have the training to be able to conduct a serious study of Islam beyond the basics, and in some cases, have staff or chaplains who may be blocking their access to education. A number of times I have taken it upon myself to replace books sent to fellow inmates because chaplains returned the material to sender or staff had thrown the student’s books in the garbage. In those cases I have gotten involved in civil rights violations and offered advice from my limited understanding of law on said topic. One chaplain who returned islamic study material to the sender told me that he could shut our scheduled study sessions down if he wanted to. I responded politely that he had no authority to do so and that our access to religious education was guaranteed in the Constitution by the First Amendment and further at the state and federal levels, such as the Religious Land Use and Institutionalized Persons Act ("RLUIPA") passed by Congress in 2000. I will close this paragraph by saying that the majority of chaplains that I have worked with, whether Muslim or representing another faith, are dedicated to facilitate learning and betterment for the prisoners they work with.

Through the power of proper Islamic education, I have seen time and time again how knowledge can prevent any threat of radicalization and actually engender harmony in prisons and even beyond the walls. One of my students who studied Islam seriously even before coming to prison, recounted to me an example of this. He said that when the terrorist attacks of 9/11 occurred, five of six prison yards in one institution had Muslims who were showing signs of joy and shouting. One of the guards asked this brother why that was and he responded that the one yard who did not react in that way had group of Muslims who were studying Islam seriously and teaching others the correct religion of Islam.

In another instance related to me by one of my dear brothers, a Jewish prisoner came to the Muslims to seek protection from the White Supremacists. In some prisons, the White Supremacists are especially powerful and many minorities, particularly Jewish prisoners, are at risk of being attacked. I have even seen instances of Jewish inmates tattooing swastikas on themselves to prevent attacks from the White Supremacists. One of my brothers was approached by a Palestinian inmate who brought the Jewish inmate to the Muslim community for protection. That in and of itself is a story of peace, but it goes further. The Jewish inmate said that he would be willing to pay the jizya to the Muslims for protection from the White Supremacists. The jizya is a form of payment by non-Muslims to a Muslim government for protection but a system that is not used by Muslim governments today. In any case, this Muslim student told him there was no need for payment and that all he had to do was exercise in public (on the yard) with the Muslims. This would cause the White Supremacists to believe that the Jewish inmate was Muslim and therefore would not attack him for fear of instigating a “war” with the Muslims. This is the result of a Muslim inmate knowing his religion properly and preventing the misappropriation of Islamic concepts to be used for improper means.

In the absence of that proper education and guidance, some inmates who choose Islam in prison have influences of what is referred to a “Prison Islam” or “Prislam.” This refers to the idea that some Muslims are practicing the faith with innovations in belief or practice that come out of the prison environment. One major influence that causes “Prislam” is the gang culture which pervades prisons in the United States. Two aspects of gang culture is the structure of the gang which includes a leader (“shot caller”) and tattoos.

In many prisons that have a Muslim population, one may find that the community appoints a leader to lead the prayers and offer guidance to the community. While some prison institutions do not allow an inmate to act as the official religious leader (imam) for other inmates, one survey found that over half do. This is acceptable and even encouraged in Florida prisons. The fear that institutions have is that the position of religious authority could be abused and taken as a route to act as nothing more than a gang-leader for the Muslim inmates at a particular prison. This is a valid concern that I recognize as i have seen an imam be appointed after being muslim only a month and having little understating of the religion only because he was a former gang member with authority in the prison. The fear in this situation is clear. You have someone who just became Muslim and could potentially make decisions that affect the safety or lives of other Muslim, other inmates or even staff. The Muslims who support this Iman system will then take verses of the Quran and Hadith out of context to justify the need for a leader and the obligation of the entire community to pledge allegiance to him (bay’ah) and then obey his every command. Part of my focus when teaching the fundamentals of Islam to my grow Muslims is to shed light on how the religious texts are being misused and abused to perpetuate a false system which sometimes included the implementations of the Islamic penal code (hudud) in a vigilante-type method which is completely unacceptable. There are times when the Muslim inmates may justify a crime, such as an attack on another prisoner, as being permissible due to the fact that it is a hudud implementation. At the same time, there are institutions who recognize and work with the “appointed Muslim leader” and many times the person is very well-balanced and dedicated to following true Islam and the rules and regulations of the prison. One thing I would suggest to policy makers for prisons is that rather than negate the “Inmate Imam” position for fear of it undermining the security of the prison, if those appointed leaders are trained properly, they could facilitate many of the religious needs of the communities they are already currently serving. This has a benefit of ensuring that inmates are receiving proper religious education and practice while in prison and reduces the load on budgets that would be needed to hire outside Imams.

Muslims in prison are at the forefront of a number of programs to help others. A number of major legal precedents for prisoner rights have had Muslim inmates at the forefront. A number of successful inmate-led rehabilitation groups have been founded by Muslims and many Muslims facilitate other successful programs. One of these such programs was co-founded by two Muslim brothers who previously served time that then went on to establish it as a non-profit organization after their release and now have a contract for a transitional house with the State of California, an office building given to them rent free by the city the organization is run in, and one of the former prisoners sits on the Human Relations committee of that city. I have heard stories of our brothers and sisters resolving conflicts in the prison that would otherwise turn into full-blown prison “wars.”

Some Muslims upon release, have gone into starting their own businesses, teaching, non-profit work, and graduate school. They have established families and work with the communities they live in, both the Muslims and non-MuIims. The potential that is there is endless and it is a constant reminder to me of the saying of the Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) that, “People are like ores, like the ores of gold and silver, the best of them before Islam (jahiliyya) are the best of them in Islam if they gain understanding (fiqh)". Yes, there are people who have lived in an age of ignorance, but does that mean we give up on them? Is that the approach that the Prophet Muhammad (sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam) took when he made a prayer for the guidance of ‘Umar, a man who worshipped idols, buried his own daughter alive and wanted to kill the Prophet? It was that potential that someone saw in Malcolm Little while he was in prison and aided him on his journey for knowledge. He would later become El Hajj Malik El Shabazz, one of the greatest figures in the spread of Islam in the United States and who helped so many others out of the darkness of ignorance.

I firmly believe in the power of education in dramatically transforming the dynamics of the prisons in the United States today. There are men and women who when they find themselves with the time and space to learn, and with the proper tools, can achieve great things. For those who will be returning to their communities, they could be equipped with the information, confidence and steadfastness that education provides. Islamic education should also be viewed as a springboard to other forms of education.

Remember, even a caged bird can sing.

We owe it to prisoners, both religiously and as a civic duty, to provide the resources they need on their journey of seeking knowledge, to help them bring out the potential they have.

Nima Al Farsi

Muslim

Prisoner of the state of florida

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