#I'm glad we brought in the new year with these friendships

[indycinders]

Hi

It's appreciation post hour because I'm hormonal and I've been a bitch all day.

So I want to spread positivity and love.

@papaziggy-devblog @lavender-teardroplettes @sylus-little-meow-meow @zorethel

🫶🏼 thank you guys for being people I can be myself around. Talking with all of you has made me feel so safe and comfortable and I'm glad we can share this common interest and have fun together.

You're really great friends and I love you guys ;-; sorry I'm being sappy but.

I just feel accepted with my lil quirks and interests. This is the first time in a long time I've been actively creating regularly, both in writing and art, and I'm so thankful for it.

Anywho

Later nerds ✌🏼

[inbabylontheywept]

the fine and subtle art of arguing with old men

it was a good week for testing which meant it was a slow week for me. most of my job is fixing the machine when it goes down. if it doesn't go down, i don't have much to do. 

fortunately neither did marc. in a site full of ornery old bastards, he's the oldest and the orneriest, so it goes without saying that i enjoy spending time with him. he reminds me of my grandpa. hell, he reminds me of a lot of people. i've befriended enough grumpy old men that i've got a sort of momentum to it now - you know how it is, when you meet someone that reminds you of someone else you really like. you get to start that friendship off half built, because you already have an idea of how to like that guy, and some of that old warmth can be brought to the new friendship. a little ember to start the stove up with.

(i think that's one of the really undersold beauties of getting older. you stop viewing people as strangers and more like remixes of friends.)

anyway, i was sitting next to marc and we were talking about the future. i've got my eye on having kids sometime soon (year or two? hopefully?), and he's very happy for me. i've tried asking him for advice, but all he says is that he didn't do a great job with his own kids and they still turned out okay, so i should stress less and trust myself more. i hope he's right. he believes it, at least, and it's a hell of a thing to have the faith of an old man. his faith is hard won.

as for his plans, he's retiring at some point in the next six months, and is hoping to sell his home and buy something in florida. he's republican, so he views the state as paradise, and i'm not inclined to even try talking him out of it. it's his dream, you know? i know for a fact my paradise would be a lot of people's hell. life's funny like that.

still, we kept going on, and it was a good time, and then he reminisced about the last time he got close to quitting - back around 2020. our job required getting vaxxed, and he refused, and there was a big kerfuffle about it before the job actually backed down. i know there's not a lot of sympathy for the unvaxxed out here, but the man's 62. you get the shot when you're under 30 to protect the people around you, but when you're over 60, you're just getting it to protect yourself and it's hard to be mad at someone for kicking their own ass. 

still gave me pause though. i knew he wasn't going to take it well, but half the job of collecting curmudgeons is keeping them around, so i said 

hey. i'm sorry they bent your arm over it, but.

but. 

you should really get that shot. 

and he looked over at me, and i looked at him, and he actually spat. not on me, just the concrete, but it was enough to show that he was mad. then he walked away, as abrupt as anything.

i felt bad about it. i wasn't sure what i'd expected, when he was willing to lose his job over it before, but i'd been so invested in his dream of retirement - the idea of him sipping margaritias on a beach next to his wife, the wife he calls every day during lunch, the wife he says is the one thing in life he ever got right on the first try. the wife that almost divorced him back when he was in the airforce because he just wasn't home enough. 

(but he can be home now.) 

and then he mentioned the vax thing, and it was like seeing a pin hit a balloon. he works out every day and takes all sorts of crazy vitamins and is generally committed to getting the most out of his pension and his life. i didn't want this dumb weak point to be his achilles heel. 

---

i wasn't actually sure how long marc would be mad at me. i've seen him stay mad at some people for weeks. i wasn't sure if being friends would make that time go up or down. 

it went down. i'm glad it went down. 

he stopped being mad about two days later. we were doing front end maintenance one morning, and it was just that simple mechanical rhythm - hex key, replace the anode sheets, punch some off-gassing holes, oil it up, put it back in - that put things at ease. it always does. people working there are too busy to remember grudges, and it has this sort of mandatory practical communication that helps smooth things over. it was going great, and then out of the blue he said babs, you gotta be careful giving advice. those shots come with complications. what would you do if i got that shot, had a stroke, and died? 

and i don't know what answer he was expecting, but i just told him the truth, which is that i would be devastated. i'd feel like i killed him. i thought that was a pretty normal response, but he looked taken aback. he asked why i said it then, and i said i'd have felt the same if he died of covid. that's just life. sometimes, there's no way forward that doesn't risk some kind of regret. 

we finished the tube after that, in a silence that felt heavier than peace but lighter than anger. it felt like the ball was back in marc's court. like it would be rude to take that turn from him. 

we parted ways with a nod and didn't speak until the next day. 

---

i was doing spreadsheet work when he found me again. standard paper engineering - thinking of things we might need and ordering them in batches, months ahead of time. it always feels a little like plugging holes in a dam with my fingers. 

but he popped up, and we didn't even exchange pleasantries. he just said i'm gonna die one day, and you can't blame yourself for that. 

which is a hell of a thing to just tell someone right off the bat. 

so i said what 

and he said babs, i am in my 60s. something is gonna get me eventually, and whether it's covid or heart disease, or a stroke, there will be something you could have said or done before. and that's okay. it's not your job to make me live forever. 

and you know, he actually made a lot of sense. so i said 

okay. 

i'll keep your business yours. i just

you were talking about your retirement before this. and i want that for you very much. you've worked hard for 45 years, and you deserve a break. we're getting to sick season, and it would be the saddest fucking thing in the world if you got this close to winning the race then tripped in the last ten feet. 

and we sat there a few moments longer. i wasn't sure what to say, and i wasn't sure what he'd say, but eventually he just shrugged and said

yeah 

then he left. i figured that would be the end of it. 

---

i did front end maintenance yesterday, after being gone a week. it's one of my favorite things to do. i like working with my hands. i really like working with my hands. i'm glad i went to college, but in a different life, i think i could've made a better electrician than an electrical engineer. 

and at one step, when we were both hoisting the plate back onto the machine, his sleeve rode up, and i saw two bandaids on his arm. 

we finished the install, and i was ready to go back when marc actually stopped me. 

i got the shot, he said, almost embarrassed. like he'd been caught. and i knew he was gonna say something dumb about it, so i just cut him off by giving him a hug. 

i was relieved. hugging old men is kind of like picking up cats. if they like you a lot, they'll tolerate it, but that's about it. we sat there maybe three beats before his hands went up, and then he gave me one overly-hard thump on the back. in my experience, this is how old men tell you that they're done, so i let him go.

carla talked me into it, he said, almost defensive. his wife. his one good decision.

tell her i said thanks, i said back.

trump got the shot too, he said, less defensive, but oddly pleading. like he was consoling himself.

like he was nervous.

then it's gotta be safe, i said, and he looked up at me, strangely searching, strangely vulnerable. i don't know exactly what he was looking for, but i guess he found it because after a few moments his shoulders relaxed.

yeah, he said, one hand on the back of his head.

it's gotta be.

[harrysfolklore]

birthdays - cl16

summary: charles and yn's love story spans over two decades, beginning when they meet at charles' 6th birthday party, where she promised to be there for all of his birthdays. wc: 4.6k

folkie radio: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MAIN BOY 🥹🥹 a few years ago i wrote a fic like this for harry and it’s one of my favorite things i’ve posted so i felt like doing a charles version! i hope you like this as much as i do <3

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

6th birthday

The sun shone brightly over Monaco as YN and her mother walked down the tree-lined street. The air was filled with the scent of blooming flowers and the salty breeze from the nearby Mediterranean. The little girl clutched her mother's hand tightly, her eyes wide as she took in the unfamiliar surroundings of their new neighborhood.

"Are you excited for the party, sweetheart?" her mother asked, giving her hand a reassuring squeeze.

She nodded hesitantly. "But what if the other kids don't like me?"

"Don't worry, darling. I'm sure you'll make friends in no time," her mother assured her as they approached a beautiful villa with colorful balloons tied to the gate.

As they entered the backyard, they were greeted by the sight of children running around, laughter filling the air. A large bounce house dominated one corner, while a face-painting station was set up near the house. Tables adorned with race car-themed decorations were scattered around, laden with snacks and party favors.

A warm voice caught their attention. "Welcome! You must be our new neighbors."

YN looked up to see a kind-faced woman approaching them, a welcoming smile on her face.

"I'm Pascale Leclerc," she introduced herself, shaking her mother's hand. "And this must be YN! We're so glad you could make it."

She shyly hid behind her mother's leg, peeking out at Pascale.

"Charles!" Pascale called out. "Come here, darling. There's someone I'd like you to meet."

A small boy with tousled brown hair and bright blue eyes came running over, his cheeks flushed from playing.

"Charles, this is YN. She's new to the neighborhood," Pascale explained. "Why don't you introduce her to your friends?"

Charles grinned widely, revealing a missing front tooth. "Hi! Do you want to play with us? We're having a treasure hunt!"

She looked up at her mother, who nodded encouragingly. Slowly, she stepped out from behind her mother's leg.

"Okay," she said softly, "And happy birthday."

Charles's grin grew even wider. He reached out and took her hand. "Come on! I'll show you where we've found clues already!"

For the rest of the afternoon, YN found herself caught up in the excitement of the party. She and Charles searched for treasure and bounced in the bounce house. By the time the cake was brought out the little girl was laughing and chatting with her new friends as if she'd known them for years.

As the party began to wind down and parents started arriving to pick up their children, Charles approached YN, a serious look on his young face.

"YN," he said, "will you come to my other birthdays too?"

"Yes!" she nodded enthusiastically. "We should be friends!"

Charles's face lit up. "Best friends!" he declared, holding out his pinky.

The girl linked her pinky with his, sealing their newfound friendship. As she left the party, clutching a goody bag and wearing a bright smile, she knew she had found something special in her new home.

12th birthday

The wheels of their bicycles whirred as YN and Charles raced down the winding streets of Monaco. The sun beat down on them, but the breeze created by their speed kept them cool. YN's laughter echoed off the buildings as she pedaled harder, trying to keep up with Charles.

"Come on!” Charles called over his shoulder, a mischievous grin on his face. "We're going to be late for my own party!"

She rolled her eyes but couldn't help smiling. "It's your fault for insisting on this bike race, birthday boy!"

They skidded to a stop in front of Charles's house, both breathing heavily but grinning from ear to ear. The front yard was already bustling with activity - balloons bobbed in the breeze, and the chatter of arriving guests filled the air.

As they walked their bikes to the garage, YN nudged Charles with her elbow. "I can't believe you're twelve already. You're practically ancient."

Charles laughed, running a hand through his windswept hair. "Says the girl who's been twelve for a whole two months. Come on, I smell cake!"

The party was in full swing, with kids from their school playing games and enjoying the sunny day. Charles's parents had outdone themselves this year, setting up a mini go-kart track in the backyard. The birthday boy, of course, was the undisputed champion, zipping around the track with a skill that left his friends in awe.

As the afternoon wore on, everyone gathered around a large table. In the center stood a cake, decorated to look like a Formula 1 car, complete with Charles' lucky number on the side. Twelve candles flickered atop the cake, their flames dancing in the gentle breeze.

Charles's eyes widened as his parents brought out the cake and the guests began to sing "Happy Birthday," their voices rising in a cheerful chorus. YN sang along enthusiastically, watching her best friend's face light up with joy.

As the song came to an end, Charles took a deep breath. With a determined look in his eye, he leaned forward and blew out all twelve candles in one go.

While Charles's mother began cutting the cake, YN edged closer to her best friend. "So," she said with a grin, "what did you wish for? To finally beat me in Mario Kart?"

Charles glanced around conspiratorially before leaning in close. "I wished to win the Monaco Grand Prix one day," he confessed, his green eyes sparkling with dreams of future glory.

YN's smile softened. Even after six years of friendship, Charles's passion for racing never failed to impress her.

"Wow," she said. "That's a pretty big wish."

"It's my biggest dream. But you can't tell anyone, okay? Or it won't come true."

"Your secret's safe with me," she promised. Then, struck by a sudden thought, she held out her pinky finger. "Hey, remember when we promised to be friends forever at your sixth birthday?"

"Of course!" Charles's face lit up with recognition, "Best decision I ever made," he said, linking his pinky with hers.

"Well, let's renew that promise. Friends forever, no matter what. That way, when you win the Monaco Grand Prix, I'll be right there cheering you on."

"Deal," Charles agreed, shaking their linked pinkies. "Forever friends."

As they sealed their promise for the second time, both of them felt the weight of it. At twelve, forever seemed like an awfully long time, but neither could imagine a future without the other in it.

16th birthday

The Italian sun was setting, painting the sky in orange and pink as YN made her way through the bustling paddock. The air smelt of rubber and gasoline, the sounds of engines filling her ears. She clutched a small, wrapped package in her hands, her eyes scanning the team garages for a familiar face.

Finally, she spotted him - Charles was standing next to his Formula 3 car, deep in conversation with his engineer. Even from a distance, she could see the intensity in his eyes, the determination set in his jaw. At sixteen, Charles was no longer the little boy she'd met at that birthday party a decade ago. He was taller now, leaner, with the beginnings of stubble on his chin.

"Charles!" she called out, waving to catch his attention.

His head snapped up at the sound of her voice, and his serious expression melted into a wide grin. "YN! You made it!" He excused himself from his engineer and jogged over to her, pulling her into a tight hug.

"Of course I made it," YN laughed, returning the embrace, "I couldn't miss your birthday, even if you insisted on spending it at a racetrack in Italy."

Charles pulled back, his eyes shining with excitement. "I'm so glad you're here. Come on, let me show you around."

As they walked through the paddock, Charles pointed out different teams and drivers, explaining the intricacies of Formula 3 racing. She listened intently, asking questions and marveling at how much Charles had grown not just in stature, but in knowledge and passion for his sport.

They ended up in Charles' team garage, where a small cake sat on a tool cart, a single candle stuck in the center.

"The team got it for me," Charles explained, looking a bit embarrassed. "They said we had to have something, even if we're not having a proper party."

YN smiled softly. "Well, then we better make it count." She lit the candle and started singing "Happy Birthday," her voice soon joined by the mechanics and other team members who had gathered around.

Charles blew out the candle, his cheeks slightly flushed. As the cake was being cut and distributed, YN handed him her gift.

"It's not much," she said as he unwrapped it, "but I thought you might like it."

Inside was a leather-bound journal, the cover embossed with Charles' initials.

"I thought you could use it to write down your thoughts, your goals… maybe even your future Formula 1 strategies," she explained with a wink.

Charles's eyes lit up. "This is perfect. Thank you." He pulled her into another hug, this one lasting a bit longer than usual.

As they sat on the pit wall, eating cake and watching the sun set over the track, YN turned to Charles. "So, how does it feel? Being here, racing in Formula 3… you're so close to your dream now."

Charles nodded, his expression turning serious. "It feels amazing, but also a bit scary. Everything's happening so fast, you know? Sometimes I worry…"

"Worry about what?" she prompted gently.

"That I might not be good enough," Charles sighed, "That I'll let everyone down."

"Charles, look at me," YN reached out and took his hand, when he met her eyes, she continued, "You are the most talented, dedicated person I know. You're going to make it to Formula 1, and you're going to be amazing."

"You really think so?" a small smile tugged at Charles's lips.

"I know so," she affirmed,then, with a playful nudge, she added, "Just promise me one thing?"

"Anything," Charles replied without hesitation.

"When you make it to Formula 1 and become a big star, don't forget about me, okay?"

Charles's expression softened, and for a moment, YN thought she saw something flicker in his eyes - something more than just friendship. But before she could analyze it, he squeezed her hand and said, "I could never forget about you. No matter what happens, you'll always be my best friend."

What YN didn't know was that in that moment, Charles was fighting the urge to tell her how he really felt. That she wasn't just his best friend, but the girl he had fallen in love with years ago.

But the timing wasn't right, not yet.

So he pushed the feelings down, locked them away. There would be time for matters of the heart later. For now, he had a championship to win and a birthday to celebrate - with his best friend by his side, just as she'd always been.

21st birthday

The Monaco night was alive with the sound of laughter and clinking glasses. Charles Leclerc's 21st birthday party was in full swing at a rooftop bar overlooking the Mediterranean.

The who's who of the racing world mingled with Charles' friends and family, all gathered to celebrate the young Sauber driver's birthday.

YN stood at the edge of the crowd, nursing a glass of champagne as she watched Charles work the room. He moved with an easy confidence, shaking hands and exchanging pleasantries with team principals and fellow drivers. Yet every few minutes, his eyes would scan the crowd until they found her, and he'd flash her a quick smile before returning to his conversations.

As the night wore on, YN found herself on the balcony, enjoying a moment of quiet away from the party. The view of Monaco at night was breathtaking - the lights of the city twinkled below, mirroring the stars above.

"There you are," a familiar voice said behind her. "I've been looking for you."

She turned to see Charles approaching, two fresh glasses of champagne in his hands. He handed one to her before leaning on the balcony railing beside her.

"Sorry," she said with a small smile. "I just needed a bit of air. It's quite a party in there."

"Yeah, I think the team might have gone a bit overboard," Charles chuckled, "But I'm glad you're here."

They stood in comfortable silence for a moment, sipping their champagne and looking out over the city.

"So," YN said finally, turning to face him. "How does it feel to be 21? Official adult now, Formula 1 driver… you're living the dream, Charles."

Charles's expression turned thoughtful. "It feels… surreal, honestly. Sometimes I can't believe this is my life." He paused, then added softly, "But you know what the best part is?"

"What's that?"

Charles turned to face her, his green eyes intense in the moonlight. "That you're still here. After all these years, all these changes… you're still by my side."

YN felt her heart skip a beat at the earnestness in his voice. "Of course I am, Charles. I'll always be here for you. We made a promise, remember? Best friends forever."

Charles felt his heart race at her words. "Best friends forever." The phrase that had once brought him so much comfort now felt like a bittersweet reminder of the feelings he'd been harboring for so long.

As he looked at her, bathed in the soft glow of the Monaco night, memories flooded his mind. He thought of her cheering him on at his first go-kart race, of late-night study sessions where he'd catch himself staring at her instead of his textbooks, of the way his heart had leapt when she'd surprised him at his race in Italy on his 16th birthday. He realized he couldn't pinpoint exactly when he'd fallen in love with her because, in a way, he always had been.

The weight of his unspoken feelings suddenly felt unbearable. The thought of going another day, another year, without her knowing the truth seemed impossible. Charles took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to do.

"YN," he said softly, setting down his champagne glass and taking her free hand in his. "There's something I need to tell you."

She looked up at him, curiosity and a hint of something else – was it hope? – in her eyes. "What is it, Charles?"

Charles swallowed hard, his heart pounding in his ears. "You're right, we did make a promise to be best friends forever. And you are my best friend, YN. You're the person who knows me better than anyone else in the world. But..." he paused, gathering his courage. "But you're not just my best friend. You're the one I'm in love with. I always have been."

YN's eyes widened, her lips parting in surprise. Charles pressed on, unable to stop now that he'd started.

"I can't hold back anymore. I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. Every success and failure, every moment of doubt or triumph – you're the one I want to share it all with. Not just as my friend, but as... as more."

He took a step closer, his eyes never leaving hers. "I know this might change everything between us, and if you don't feel the same way, I understand. But I couldn't let another birthday go by without telling you the truth. You're it for me, YN. You always have been."

For a moment that felt like an eternity, she stood frozen, her eyes locked with Charles's. The weight of his words hung in the air between them, charged with years of unspoken feelings and shared history.

Then, without warning, YN closed the distance between them. She reached up, cupping Charles's face in her hands, and pressed her lips to his in a kiss that was both tender and passionate. Charles, caught off guard for only a split second, wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her closer as he returned the kiss with equal fervor.

When they finally parted, both slightly breathless, YN rested her forehead against Charles'. Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears of joy as she whispered, "I love you too, Charles. I think I always have."

Charles felt his heart soar, a smile spreading across his face that was brighter than any he'd ever worn on a podium. "Really?" he asked, his voice filled with wonder and hope.

She nodded, a soft laugh escaping her lips. "Really. I just... I never thought you'd feel the same way. You're Charles, I'm just-"

"You're everything," Charles interrupted, his voice firm but gentle. "You're my best friend, my biggest supporter, the person I want to share every moment with. You're the one who knows all of me, not just the racer, but the boy who still gets nervous before every race and who can't sleep without his lucky charm."

YN smiled, remembering the small trinket she'd given him years ago that he still kept with him at every race. "We've been quite oblivious, haven't we?" she said, shaking her head in amusement.

Charles chuckled, pulling her close again. "Maybe. But we have all the time in the world to make up for it now."

As they stood there, wrapped in each other's arms with the twinkling lights of Monaco as their backdrop, both felt as though they were exactly where they were meant to be. The sounds of the party drifted out to them, a reminder of the celebration waiting inside, but for now, they were content in their own world.

"Happy birthday, Charles," YN murmured, leaning in for another kiss.

Charles smiled against her lips. "Best birthday ever," he replied before closing the distance between them once more.

24th birthday

The sun was setting over Monaco as YN stood in front of the mirror, putting the finishing touches on her makeup. She smoothed down her dress, a sleek number in Charles' favorite shade of red. As she fastened her earrings, she felt a pair of strong arms wrap around her waist from behind.

"You look absolutely stunning," Charles murmured, resting his chin on her shoulder and meeting her eyes in the mirror.

She smiled, leaning back into his embrace. "You clean up pretty well yourself, birthday boy," she replied, taking in his sharp suit and perfectly styled hair.

Charles pressed a soft kiss to the curve of her neck, causing her to shiver slightly. "You know," he said, his voice low and playful, "we could always skip the party. Stay here, just the two of us…"

"Nice try, Leclerc," YN laughed, turning in his arms to face him, "But your team worked hard on this party, and all your friends and family are waiting." She reached up, straightening his tie. "Besides, I put a lot of effort into your gift. I want to see your face when you open it."

"Oh? Any hints about what it might be?" Charles' eyes lit up with curiosity.

"Not a chance," YN grinned, tapping his nose playfully. "You'll just have to wait and see."

He pouted for a moment before breaking into a warm smile. "Fine, keep your secrets. As long as I have you by my side, that's all the gift I need."

YN felt her heart melt at his words. Even after all these years, Charles still had the ability to make her feel like the luckiest girl in the world. She leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to his lips.

"I love you," she whispered against his mouth.

"I love you too," Charles replied, deepening the kiss for a moment before reluctantly pulling away. "But you're right, we should get going. We don't want to be late to my own party."

As they drove through the winding streets of Monaco, the city lights twinkling like stars, YN couldn't help but steal glances at Charles. Suddenly, she noticed that they were heading away from the bustling city center.

"Charles?" she asked, a hint of confusion in her voice. "I think we're going the wrong way. The party's downtown, isn't it?"

Charles smiled mysteriously, his eyes never leaving the road. "I thought we'd take a little detour first. Trust me?"

"Always."

They drove in comfortable silence for a few more minutes, the familiar sights of Monaco giving way to a quieter, more residential area. Finally, Charles pulled up in front of a beautiful house, its elegant facade bathed in the glow of streetlights.

"Charles, what are we doing here?" YN asked as he came around to open her door.

He took her hand, helping her out of the car. "I have something to show you," he said softly, leading her towards the house.

As they approached the front door, Charles pulled out a key. YN's eyes widened in surprise. "Charles, is this...?"

He unlocked the door and gently guided her inside. The house was empty, but even in the dim light, she could see its potential - high ceilings, large windows, and an open floor plan that seemed to invite warmth and laughter.

Charles watched her take it all in, his heart pounding with nervous excitement. Finally, he spoke.

"YN, from the moment I met you, you've been my home. No matter where I am in the world, no matter what challenges I face on the track, you're my constant. My safe haven."

She turned to face him, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

Charles continued, his voice thick with emotion. "But I realized that while you've given me a home in your heart, I've never been able to offer you a physical place that's truly ours. Until now."

He took both of her hands in his. "This house... I bought it for us. I want it to be our home. A place where we can build our future together, where we can come back to after long days or weeks apart. A place filled with our love and hopefully... our family someday."

Tears were now flowing freely down YN's cheeks. "Charles," she whispered, her voice choked with emotion.

"I know my career keeps us traveling a lot," he said, reaching up to wipe away her tears gently. "But I want you to have roots, a place that's ours. Where you can always feel safe and loved, even when I'm not there."

YN let out a watery laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. "You never cease to amaze me, Charles Leclerc. This is... it's perfect. It's more than I ever dreamed of."

"So, what do you say?" Charles pulled her close, resting his forehead against hers, "Ready to start our next chapter here?"

Instead of answering with words, she closed the gap between them, pouring all her love and gratitude into a passionate kiss. When they finally parted, both breathless, she whispered, "Yes. A thousand times, yes."

They stood there in the empty house that would soon become their home, holding each other close. The party, the guests, the whole world outside ceased to exist for a moment. It was just the two of them, standing on the threshold of their future together.

After a while, Charles chuckled softly. "You know, we're probably very late for the party now."

"I know," she said, her voice still thick with emotion, "It's supposed to be me giving you gifts on your birthday, not the other way around."

Charles chuckled softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, I've never been very good at following rules," he teased. "Besides, seeing your face when I showed you our home? That's the best gift I could ever receive."

YN shook her head, a warm smile playing on her lips. "You're impossible, you know that? But I love you for it."

"And I love you, for as long as I can remember."

27th birthday

Charles stood on the balcony of their home, the same one he had surprised YN with three years ago. His fingers absently traced the outline of a small velvet box in his pocket, his heart racing with anticipation and nerves.

Inside, he could hear her moving about, putting the finishing touches on his birthday dinner. The aroma of his favorite dishes filled the air, bringing a smile to his face. At 27, Charles had achieved more than he ever dreamed possible – multiple Formula 1 wins, a strong contender for the championship, and most importantly, a life shared with his best friend and the love of his life.

"Charles?" her voice called from inside. "Dinner's ready!"

He took a deep breath, patting the ring box one last time before heading inside. The dining room was bathed in soft candlelight, the table set beautifully with their best china. YN stood by the table, looking radiant in a deep red dress that matched the color he wore on race days.

"Happy birthday, my love," she said softly, pulling him into a tender kiss.

As they sat down to eat, Charles couldn't help but marvel at how far they'd come. "You know," he said, reaching across the table to take her hand, "I was just thinking about my sixth birthday party."

"The day we met," she said with a warm smile. "How could I forget? I was so nervous about moving to a new place."

Charles chuckled, remembering the shy little girl who had hidden behind her mother's leg. "And now look at us. Twenty-one years later, and you're still the best gift I've ever received."

YN felt tears prickling at the corners of her eyes. "I remember you asked me to come to all your future birthdays," she said, her voice thick with emotion.

"And you've been here for every single one," Charles replied, his green eyes shining with love.

The weight of the ring box in Charles' pocket seemed to grow heavier, but he resisted the urge to pull it out just yet. Tonight was about celebrating. The proposal could wait for another perfect moment.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you," he continued, "but I thank my lucky stars every day that you walked into that birthday party all those years ago. You've made every birthday since then more special than the last."

"Oh, Charles," she whispered, tears now flowing freely down her cheeks. "You've given me more than I ever dreamed possible. That little girl who was so scared of not fitting in found her home in you."

They came together in a kiss that was soft and sweet, yet filled with the depth of their shared history and the promise of their future. As they held each other close, both were transported back to that sunny day in Monaco, two six-year-olds making a promise of friendship that had blossomed into a love story for the ages.

When they finally pulled apart, Charles rested his forehead against hers, a soft smile playing on his lips. "So," he said, his voice light but filled with emotion, "think you might stick around for a few more birthdays?"

YN laughed, the sound like music to Charles' ears. "Just try and keep me away, Leclerc. You're stuck with me for all your birthdays, forever and always."

As they finished their dinner, Charles felt the ring box in his pocket once more. Soon, he thought, he'd ask her to make it official, to promise him not just all his birthdays, but every day in between.

But for now, he was content to bask in the glow of their love, celebrating not just his 27th birthday, but the incredible journey they'd shared.

[liveontelevision]

Suffer Pt. 6 | Lucifer x Reader

(This series is complete! All parts are listed on my master list and are linked below!)

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6

A single anon request and a 56-page Google doc later, this is the last part, my friends. Thanks to everyone who's been so invested in this, this turned into a bigger project than I thought it would lol But! I'm so glad everyone's been enjoying it, and I hope y'all like the ending! I'm sorry for all the cliffhangers along the way haha (not really)

An extra thank you to the anon who requested a simple babysitter fic and ended up inspiring this whole deal!

♡♡♡

It’s almost been a year since you arrived to the hotel. You arrived when the building was in less than pristine condition, and just a few new guests had arrived. It was a few days after you saw Charlie’s interview on the news, that being what brought you in, despite it’s failure. You were just happy to see her face after all that time. Yet, above the cluttered space and the holes in the walls, there was a more malevolent scheme being hatched.

Any soul who might pass the princess’s room would be bombarded by curses, screams, and growls that sounded less than human. So, most the hotel residents decide it best to avoid that corridor. But not our trusty hotelier. His hand reached for the handle, after deciding that making a bold entrance might not be the best idea. His motion was put to a quick halt by a flurry of curses coming from the other side of the door. Alastor didn’t realize Charlie held such a..colorful vocabulary. Despite that, he went on.

He was greeted with a sight that, unfortunately, wasn’t new to him. An intricate web of red thread connected to pins, all scattered across a once pristine wall. It all connects a collage of images, some that he recognized, some that looked like nonsensical scribbles. The view is obstructed by a furiously pacing princess of Hell. Mumbling completely incoherent complaints, she doesn't notice the opening and closing of her bedroom door.

Alastor, being the sadist he is, props his stance with his microphone, his forced smile unmoving. He enjoys the view for a moment before finally clearing his throat to bring her attention to him. She nearly stumbles over her own feet, ready to scold him for materializing into her room, despite the fact that she was just too out of it to see him walk straight in.

“Al! Good! I need another pair of eyes, come here, come here, look!” She approaches him faster than he expects, and he’s ready to reel away, but is unfortunately hooked around the neck with Charlie’s disturbing strength. With an arm around his shoulders, she drags him forward to examine the wall, as if it made sense to anyone other than her. She starts talking nonsense, again. Something about friendship and Heaven, things he never really cared about. Things he usually tuned out whenever they came up. He only seems to partake in the conversation once he heard your name.

“Alastor.. She’s one of our first guests. I honestly can’t believe anyone showed up after that terrible interview I had earlier, I’m worried i’ll mess things up, again! I mean, all of Hell already thinks i’m a joke.. I just- really need this to go well.” Her mood seems to calm, but to a state of despair. Alastor let’s out a symphahetic awe, patting the top of her head.

“Aw, our poor princess. I understand your concern, my dear, this hotel must mean quite a lot to you.” He faines a sympathy that only convinces Charlie because of her state of disarray.

“Of course it does! And she’s already so kind, I’m sure she’s close to redemption! Maybe this will be a quick one! A-and we don’t even know it, right? That has to be it!” She seems to be reassuring herself, only to be met with an unresponsive radio demon. She groans. Dragging her feet as she walks to the edge of bed, She sits down and lets her head fall into her hands. 

“I really need this to work. I’ll do anything for this to work..” It was a quiet mumble, muffled into her palms, but Alastor heard exactly what he wanted to hear. His grin twisted, something Charlie didn’t see, as he sits at her side. He gives her a quick pat to her back, in some form of comfort.

“Charlie, dear, I understand how much this little project means to you.. I do. And I want nothing more than to witness you trying as hard as you can to keep it up.” Even if it fails. Charlie looks up to him, the bags under her eyes suddenly very apparent. “How would you feel about a little deal? Just a small one, no souls on the line, I guarantee.” 

She’s been warned by Vaggie in the past. Actually, his entire reputation is enough to make her uneasy by the idea. but… 

“I-I don’t know. What did you have in mind..?” She asks reluctantly. He let’s out a chuckle that almost sounds sinister.

“Believe it or not, our little guest and I have a bit of a history.” You can barely call it a history. You served him and Rosie on occasion when you were working in cannibal town. “I’d be delighted to oversee her safety and process to redemption! It’s just as you said, she’s already a gem, Heaven is waiting for her, I can feel it. This will be a breeze for the both of us.” His offer comes off as sincere and touching to Charlie. It wasn’t like him to openly mention his relationships with other demons yet, the idea of you having a close friend throughout this process might just be what you’re missing.

“That’s so sweet of you, Alastor, but.. What do you want from me?” She has to ponder a moment before even considering letting this go on any further.

“Well, you’ve given me a roof over my head and.. A tower for my broadcasts.. Hmm..” He taps his chin, as if he’s in thought. “I’m not quite sure I’ll need from you at the moment, since you’ve just been so hospitable already.” He places a hand to her shoulder, the kind words causing her eyes to well with tears a bit in her weakened state.

“There has to be something.. Well, maybe we can both think this over, once I have a clear head.” She sighs her words, standing from the bedside. Alastor takes her hand and brings her to a halt.

“Oh, but I’d love to get to work as soon as possible, if I may be so bold.. I’m not quite sure what you could offer me in this moment… How about we work out the details, later?” He speaks as if he’s coming up with these words on the spot. He’s had this planned since day one, though. Any chance to get a favor from the princess, he’ll take. Charlie turns to him and sees the strange green glow surrounding their hands. She attempts to pull away, but his grasp is tight.

“Well.. I mean…” She’s still hesitant. He watches her rub her eyes. The still relevant exhaustion gives him a bit of hope.

“It’s simple. I’ll do everything in my power to keep our little guest comfortable and on the path to redemption, no acception. In return, I’ll ask of you one single favor when the time comes.” The glow only continues to swell with his words, and it's clearly making her reconsider. “It’s not as serious as you may think, Charlie. Just a favor between friends, really.” Friendship seemed to strike the right tone.

“I guess.. If it’s for the hotel… Okay, Alastor. It’s a deal.”

-

Back to the dreaded fight just a few months later. You're seeing red.

“Charlie! You made a deal with Alastor?? What were you thinking?” You’re scolding her at this point. The situation barely had time to cool down before your worries began to kick in. Her horns and ruby eyes are still present, she hasn’t even had time to calm herself from the previous display. Lucifer is essentially holding you back, a hand across your front as you try to approach her. It hurts you a bit. Does he think you’re some kind of danger to her?

..Are you putting her in danger?

Alastor is still propped on the ground. He holds a hand around his neck, in hopes of soothing the aggressive collar that had materialized around it just moments ago. You’re all keeping your distance from eachother.

“I-I wasn’t! I wasn’t thinking! It was after the interview! You saw it, you know didn’t go well! I-I had all of Hell laughing at me, laughing at the hotel- He was offering help, I have no idea why he’s acting this way, I swear..! I.. I-” Charlie’s demonic features start to recede when she feels a hand on her back. With heavy breaths, she looks over to Lucifer, who was standing by her side now, ready to comfort her. With a small hiccup, she falls into his arms, gripping his shirt tightly as she did. Her head fell to his shoulder, thoroughly staining his vest with her tears.

The room is uncomfortably filled with her silent sobs. Your heart aches too much looking at the touching display between father and daughter, and your guilt from snapping at her is making you fidget. That’s when you got to thinking.

The deal was for Alastor watch over you until you got to Heaven. For him to do anything in his power to keep you on the path to redemption. To prevent any behavior that might stunt that process..

“Oh.. oh, my god. You’ve been buttering me up this whole time.” You turn to face a still recovering Alastor. The realization grabs the attention of both Morningstars, they raise their heads to look towards the commotion. “The gifts, all the time we spent together.. Was because of this deal? Did.. did you ever actually care about me?” You grip at your heart, ready to rip it straight from your chest. He stands, brushing debris from his entirety.

“I doubt you’ll believe me after such a display of violence, but.. Yes. I did enjoy our time together, despite the requisite of being under my protection. It was quite entertaining before it was… tainted.” His hisses out his final words, contrasting the sweetness of it all. Tainted?

He was kind to you as soon as you arrived in the hotel. Despite the drama, you’ve been inseparable since. Things only got convoluted after.. 

“Under your protection..? Is that why you’ve been turning me away from Lucifer?! Fuck- it is! You’ve been playing games with me for months! Getting in my head..! H-How could you..” He hasn’t just been physically keeping the two of you apart. From day one, your mind was manipulated into thinking Lucifer never wanted you.

“Well.. not to defend myself, dear, but I was merely considering your redemption. I believe there’s some sort of sin in worshipping the Devil.” Oh, now he’s just trying to make more trouble.

“Oh, fuck you Al, I don’t worship him, I love him!” Your comical response seems to drive a shocked expression or two towards you. But you’re too upset to elaborate. You want to tear him apart. You want to see him experience as much pain as you’re feeling now. Luckily, you weren’t the only one. In a blur of a movement, Alastor was brought back to the ground with a thud.

A foot to his chest, Charlie has him pinned to the ground. Her fists are clenched, the aura surrounding her creates a suffocating heat.

“You took advantage of me, Alastor. You betrayed my friends, my family.. My trust.” Despite the demonic tones underlying her voice, it still sounds pained. You didn’t know she could do this, but her clenched fists become encased in fire. Just like her fathers’.

You’re surprised to see him lurking behind, but not attacking. After all you’ve seen, you were sure he’d have ripped Alastor’s head off at this point. His eyes widen, a display of fear you werent expecting. You follow his gaze to see Charlie holding a familiar angelic spear to his neck.

You hear an unearthly growl come from her chest, and before you can think, your arm is wrapped around hers. You can feel the resistance, realizing you had stopped her right as she was about to put an end to it all. Put an end to him.

“Charlie! Stop!” You yell out. You have to do it once or twice more, your words not quite reaching her yet. Once she turns to you, her eyes are still dripping with tears. “Charlie, don’t. This isn’t you. You’ll regret it, I know you will.. I know you.” You’re begging her to stop. As you feel the muscles in her arm start to relax, you reach for the spear and pull it gently from her hands. She releases her grasp without a fight.

You usher her off, glancing back to Alastor for a moment to see his wound had reopened from that. He had an obvious slash across his neck. You gulped, realizing how close she was to actually killing him. She places her hand over yours, where your arms are still linked.

Charlie let’s out a sigh, looking to her shaking hands, then clenching her fists. She looks to you, then back to Alastor.

“But.. everything he’s done to you… It’s not right, I’m not sure I can forgive him..” She’s speaking quietly to you.

“Well.. You don’t have to forgive him. But he doesn't deserve to die, Charlie.” You state the obvious and it makes her flinch. “And.. you should let him stay.” You hear a collective What? from the room.

“I know I know.. but… this whole place is about second chances. I.. think he can change. And even though, he is being such a dick right now-” Your voice is cracking, as if you can hardly believe your own words. “-I still believe it. You taught me that.” You smile up to Charlie. After a moment you turn your head to Lucifer, meeting his eyes. He looks more in shock than anyone, almost hurt by your act of mercy. You’re surprised by his expression, not realizing Charlie had slipped from your side to approach Alastor.

“She’s right, you know. I can’t forgive you, Alastor. Not yet, at least.. But you’re welcome to stay here, considering all the help you’ve done for the hotel.” She sounds stern, still not entirely convinced this is the right call.

“Yeah, some help you’ve been, you prick..” Those are the first words Lucifer has muttered in awhile. You approach his side to jab him with your elbow and shush him. Despite your scolding action, your presence only reminds him of your previous confession. He crosses his arms and continues to curse quietly, despite his flushed cheeks. Charlie steps closer to Alastor.

“You’re still here, because of her.” Charlie’s voice goes dark as she gestures to you. “That favor I owe you? Is letting you live. This deal is done, Alastor.” She hisses her words out. The intensity and anger radiating from two of the most powerful creatures in Hell is enough to leave even Alastor a bit weary. He nods, still gripping his wound that has been repeatedly opened these past few days. Other than that, he slinks away with barely a scratch. Lucky him. 

Once he’s out of sight, Charlie let’s out a groan and falls to her knees. With a unison call of her name both you and Lucifer rush to her side. You place a hand on her back, attempting to keep any displaced hair from her face. She leans into Lucifer’s chest, a heartaching sight of sniffles and apologies.

Before long, she seemed to exhaust herself. Curled up to his chest, Lucifer smiles, despite the circumstances of their closeness. He lifts his eyes just slightly to see yours. You look embarrassed. Before he has a chance to question you, you rise from the ground.

“You should take her to bed.” You say in a hushed tone, gripping your arms and making some distance. “She needs some rest after.. all that.”

“Sure, but.. are you-” He speaks just as softly, opening a portal behind him silently.

“I’m fine. I’m-” You let out a sigh, beginning to move towards the stairs. “She needs to rest, Lucifer.” You remind him.

“Oh- Oh.. Right, yeah.” He rises to his feet, effortlessly lifting Charlie into his arms and stepping through the portal. You try to keep moving. You try to not meet his eyes as the portal shuts, but you find yourself unable to go on. Once they’re gone, you cover your mouth, only making your labored breaths worse, but you’re desperate to muffle any cries. You feel yourself wobble in place, before seeing a portal open to your side. It leads to your room.

After stepping through, you silently approach your bed. Your legs suddenly turn led, and you're hitting your bed with a gasp. Your exhaustion is enough to keep your sobs to a minimum at least.

-

The feeling you have when you wake up is worse than any hangover you’ve had. With alcohol you can at least forget your troubles. But on this morning, you can vividly remember the previous night. You sit up, your body aching. You only wonder why for a moment, before realizing you had fallen asleep sideways across your bed, your legs still dangling off the side. You still need sleep.

You remove any uncomfortable clothing or accessories that had pressed marks into your body and return to bed. The right way, this time. Your pillows feel like heaven after all that’s happened. Heaven..

You try your best to sleep, you really do. Your body is essentially begging you to empty your thoughts just for a few more minutes. But your mind is sending you tossing and turning, any times you close your eyes, all you can imagine is everything you've done wrong. Your eyes drift open after trying to force them shut, and your eyes spot the radio on your nightstand. You sit silently for a moment, maybe try to close your eyes again..

Nope.

Before you have a chance to process every movement, you’re opening your door and thoughtlessly throwing the radio outside. You don’t care where it ends up, clearly. You were waiting to hear it break, into multiple pieces hopefully, before shutting your door. You’re met with a startled groan instead. Taking a moment to process that you had thrown an old-timey radio at someone, you stand at your door with a yawn.

The panic hits you. It could’ve been Alastor, assuming he stayed. It could’ve been Charlie, who doesn’t need any more conflict. You could’ve taken out Niffty as far as you know. Swinging the door open, your eyes see the radio first. They’re wrapped in your victim’s arms.

“Good catch.” You let out hoarsly, rubbing the sleep from your eyes to clearly see Lucifer.. It could've been worse. He let’s out a breathless thanks, clearly having the air knocked out of him. You definitely didn’t hold back with that throw. And it wasn’t exactly a lightweight radio.

“Er.. Sorry. I meant to say sorry.” You try to recover, your words are followed by another yawn. You watch him drop the radio into a small portal he conjured below his grip.

“Good morning to you, too. I was, uh.. about to check on charlie, but-” He’s ready for a conversation that you aren’t. You quickly shake your head, pulling your door in.

“Nono, I need some time.. To wake up. I’ll see you around, though.” You didn’t expect him to perk up from his words, but he does. His smile is infectious. You watch him give you a little wave before shutting your door. You lean against it, your smile that you had been presenting to him, leaves you almost immediately.

There’s so much on your mind. You scan your room, memories of Alastor popping up no matter where you looked. Every chat you’ve had in here, every moment you’d call him in for advice for clothes or accessories, all the nights you’d fall asleep listening to his voice. Your eyes stopped at your vanity seat. Draped across the back is a bittersweet sight, your gifted red sweater. You finally rise to your feet, quickly reaching for it and holding it tightly in your hands. You hesitate before bringing it to your nose. You’re not sure why. Why would you want to remind yourself of anything involving him? Did you think that same scent that’s brought you comfort so many times would have the same affect? You give it a shot.

Hesitantly breathing in, you’re immediately reeling back, throwing the sweater down to your ground. Your hand covers your nose, that sickenlingly sweet honey scent now smells like rotten flesh. Like road kill. You need some air. Digging out a different sweater, one you haven’t had to use in months, you decide you just need to walk around for a bit. The hotel was big enough that you could safely avoid any unwanted attention. Plus, you were sure Alastor’s pride was too wounded to freely roam the hotel. And his other wound.. You hope he’s okay.

You groan out loud, mentally cursing yourself for your sympathetic thoughts. You make your way down to the lobby, and are met with a surprisingly clean lounge. You scan the walls that were previously cracked, the carpets that should be stained with blood, then wonder where Vaggie’s suddenly conjured spear might have gone. What would have possessed Charlie to choose such a weapon.. an angelic spear? She didnt really want him dead, did she? She's emotional. And extreme. Like her father. You decide not to question it any further. It’s not like you were upset by the erasure of the previous night's events.

-

A day or two passed. Your mind seemed unwilling to accept the reality you're currently in. You're anxious, and paranoid to any sentence thrown your way. You're constantly looking around corners, checking all parts if your room before locking it for the night. Yet, if someone were to ask what was making you so nervous, you wouldn’t have an answer.

You found yourself taking those little strolls often, though. Keeping your body in motion, with only the sounds of your breathing keeping you company, seemed to clear your mind. It never helped come to terms with any seething pain you felt, but it cleared your mind at the least.

You'd pieced together a few things in the meantime. After passing the bar, where Angel and Husk were chatting, they would smile and wave, ask you join them form a drink, but you’d decline. Neither of them seemed to know about anything. Maybe Niffty cleaned the mess. Maybe Alastor asked her to. Before anyone could see the outcome of his mistakes.

You passed Vaggie in a hall, and she immediately looked concerned. She opened her mouth, an Are you okay? sits on the tip of her tongue. But then she looked at you. Your body only mirrored the fog of your mind, baggy eyed and wrapped in some blanket as you roamed the halls like a damned ghost.

“Hey, um- it's.. it's gonna be-" you held your hand up to her.

“I know. Thank you.” You smile, the action stiff, considering you hadn't used those muscles in awhile. Vaggie knew. That was fair, though. You were glad Charlie had someone to confide with. You walked on after she gave a hesitant goodbye wave.

One night, when your body had taken over and you were wandering aimlessly, you realized where you ended up. Not only were you standing in front of Lucifer's workshop, he had already spotted you through the window on the door. He opened it before you could fully take in your surroundings.

“Hey..” You let out softly. What else are you supposed to say? You didn’t come prepared. You feel embarrassed standing in front of him, realizing how much of a mess you must look. You're not even sure what part of your mind made you end up here.

He doesn't respond at first, another speechless moment letting your mind wander. He opens the door more, offering his space to you. You look at him and he smiles before you shuffle inside. You take in the sight. You haven't actually seen it, considering your circumstances after the hotel was renovated.

“It looks nice in here.” You say quietly, your voice cracking just a bit. You walk through, tracing your fingers along desks and tables, stopping and looking at family photos on occasion. You looked to Lucifer’s smiling face in a picture where he was lovingly holding his wife and daughter. How did you end up like this?

“Oh- um.. thank you, it's more than enough space for me, but, uh.. it's nice.” His voice sounds unfamiliar as it snaps you from your mindset. He moves to his main bench, which is slightly elevated by a platform that connects to the windowed wall. You eventually make your way around, standing near him.

“Are.. you… How are you..?” You listen to him struggle to form such a simple question, and yet you have an equally hard time trying to respond. Obviously, you were crushed. devastated by the betrayal and overwhelmed by everything else.

“I'm okay.” You reply thoughtlessly. It was your go-to answer. You hear a muffled chuckle and look over to him. He's blocking the laughter with his fist in front of his lips. Is he laughing at you?

“Sorry sorry, I just.. know that you're lying. You've done this before, don't forget how much time I've actually spent with you.” You want to scold him for acting so bold, for saying he knows you better than yourself, but..

You're leaning against the table in one moment, and before you know it, you're hoisted to sit on its top. You felt like a relief you didn't realize. Your feet were aching. How long were you walking the in the halls today? The sensation of his hands planted on your waist. to steadily bring you to the counter, lingered after he had removed them.

“I used to see you wandering around back home- at the mansion, I mean. usually after a tough day. But it's been a few days, so I just thought you might be-”

“Why are you so calm?” Your sudden question made him visibly finch. "You were tricked, too, you know. He tore us apart. How can you be handling this so well?” Your voice starts to turn agitated. You weren't sure why you were taking it out on himm, but you both knew in the moment that this was the first time you’ve let any emotion out since the fight.

“It's like some.. malevolent force is constantly tearing us apart. One moment I'm happy, I'm in love, I'm smiling- then the next, you're just gone. and everything else that keeps me sane goes with it.” You feel a flood of tears beginning to well. Tears that you should've been letting out days ago. “Is this some kind of fucking curse? Why can’t things just be easy..? A-Are we just doomed?” You're wiping your face clear, your words becoming sloppy and hoarse.

“Maybe.” Your head lifts to see him, still calm as before, but with a solemn look on his face. “But, we keep finding eachother, right? And all the good times.. they'll stay good, won’t they?” You nod your head reluctantly.

He approaches you, with a hand on your shoulder, he's wiping away tears with the other.

“Honestly? I'm not handling this well at all. You're right, the universe has done nothing but tear us apart and hurt both of us. And I’m just about ready to tear Alastor limb by limb. I want Charlie to be okay.. I want to keep you by my side and never let you out of my sight this time.” You see his emotions range throughout his words, his eyes flashing red for a moment. He calms himself down, running his hand down your arm to hold your hand. You don't resist.

“But, you made some good points back there. And I just thought.. if you're strong enough to let that prick live, after everything, then.. Maybe I-I.. I'm trying to be strong.” He sounds almost embarrassed to admit it, and the comment on your strength leaves you a bit red in the cheeks. “You've always been so strong, darling. I just wish you'd tell me how you're really feeling.. I miss talking to you. Not this.. empty shell.” His words stung and he knew it as soon as they slipped from his lips.

“W-wait, no, I mean..”

“It’s fine, you're not wrong.. Jerk.” You share a little laugh with him, the mood lightening for just a moment. “Lucifer, I'm.. I'm so tired.” You let out weakly. That barely scratches the surface of everything. It's as if your mind was boiling over, with all the thoughts of Alastor turning sour, and the thoughts of redemption suddenly in question, not to mention all those feelings of Lucifer that were repressed until just recently. You want Charlie to be okay. You want things to be normal, but.. you're not quite sure what normal looks like. You wish you could say all this to him.. it’s hard to put it to words. But you're trying. He makes you want to try harder.

You feel a gentle hand holding your cheek, bringing your blurred thoughts to clarity and meeting eyes that left you breathless. When was the last time you've looked in his eyes? A blush forms across his cheeks, your gaze seems to fluster him. He clears his throat, getting his mind back.

“You're not okay. But.. You will be. I promise.” With a wry smile, you let the weight of your head fall into his palm.

Your eyes meet. He leans in and you feel his arms snake around yout waist. Looking back, you're almost embarrassed by the way you leaned towards him, eyes shut, head tilted, your lips just slightly parted. You were startled by the feeling of his head resting on your shoulder. He only pulls you closer after he feels your breath start to deepen, his hands gentle across your back. You finally return his touch, digging your nose into the crook of his neck and gripping tightly at his shirt.

It used to feel like, if you let go, you'll never hold him again. God, how the possibility scares you. But.. it feels a little different this time. You weren’t worried about him disappearing, this time.

You’re so comforted by his presence, you let yourself fully relax to him. You open your eyes just slightly, blinking out some tears that still remained, thoroughly ruining his top. You pull away, meeting his eyes again.

You feel as if you were close to forgetting this side of him, but you recognize this face. You saw it the night you first kissed him. You saw it after seeing him at the hotel for the first time, then when he decided to sweep you off your feet for a little date. You saw it after every little date that followed. You realize he's never stopped looking at you this way.

“I love you, too.”

-

I had to put that worship the devil in there it just made me laugh so sorry if that seemed out of place lol

And not to fear my friends,

I plan on making a little epilogue about how everyone's recovering, and some sweet, yummy, fluffy goodness to top it off.

Again, Thank you all so much for your support! :)

I'll be working on some requests next, and some more vamp Luci! Kind of in love with that guy ngl

Taglist! (good lord I hope I got everybody )

( @vififofum / @thornwolfy235 / @tinywolfiegirl / @chipper-chip / @bat-boness

@misfitgirlwrites / @nayomi247 / @lonelynmisunderstood / @escapistoftherealworld / @b4ts1e / @hamthepan / @kyo-kyo1 / @looking1016 / @polytheatrix / @littledolly2345 / @lillianastuff / @yourlocalcryptidbee /@0strawberrysorbet0 / @themageofblood / @jayyyayaysblog / @floralsightings / @azmosposts / @8har0ley8 / @actuallyspiderwoman / @sirenetheblogger / @christineblood / @kaytemchugh / @cimadreamer / @simpdevil66 / @azmosposts / @m3ow1 / @acrazyartist / @redfoxwritesstuff / @4k1to / @meesachan / @corvusskid / @alientee /@xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx / @alon3lylov3r /@sapphireravensworld / @mjmdragons / @catticora / @the-maladaptivedaydreamer / @carrie0-1 / @shamblezzz / @cassandras-nest / @wendigonamecaller / @chirimeimei / @sapphireravensworld / @sillywormtrixareforkids

[zainclaw]

If you don't see how encouraging "jokes" about killing Tommy lead to this kind of behavior, then I seriously don't know what to tell you. I am so fucking disgusted right now. So many people in this fandom showed their true colors months ago, that's old news, but I am STILL NOT over how disappointed and hurt and genuinely shocked I was that so many of the people I spent years building friendships with, shipping the same queer ship, outed themselves as gross assholes in so many ways the second an actual gay man was brought onto the show.

I have avoided talking about this for such a long time now, and I don't know if I have the energy to do more than this post. I truly honestly don't want to spend my time online talking about anything else but the things I love. But I guess this was the final straw for me, idk. You people showed your true colors and changed the landscape of this fandom FOREVER, despite how you went back to unlike certain posts and delete reblogs and eventually finally shutting up in your tags throwing shit like some high school mean girl. Like someone said in the tags on one of my posts back in may: "we see you. we know who you are."

I'm so fucking glad I've found new 911 blogs that are actually queer friendly and not acting like spiteful children. Clearly they always existed. I was just following the wrong people. Maybe some of you are too. Maybe you need to surround yourself with better fucking people that don't live in that toxic echo chamber.

[twig-tea]

Why We Are Gives Me Anxiety

I have been fighting myself on this We Are post for weeks because I wanted to make sure I knew what I wanted to say and was able to say it. I feel the need to say off the top that I don’t begrudge anyone who enjoyed this show and I’m genuinely glad it brought comfort to people. The show in and of itself, as 16 hour-long episodes of fluff (shout-out to @stuffnonsenseandotherthings for using this word to pinpoint the genre for this show, because it’s perfect), is not offensive or bad or wrong or any judgmental or moralistic word. And it does some things well; the centrality of the friend group was a lovely aspect to this show, and the chemistry in the friendship group scenes was on point. All of the couples have good romantic chemistry as well, and the show is packed with butterflies-inducing moments. 

That being said, I did not enjoy watching this show. I watch television mostly for the story; This show felt more like watching 16 special episodes for a show I hadn’t seen (I think this can be attributed to the point made by @italianpersonwithashippersheart in her post here that the show assumes the audience comes to the show with a pre-existing buy-in to the ships). The lack of overarching narrative structure of We Are gave my brain nothing to hold onto and I spent so much of every episode futilely trying to figure out how scenes worked with what had come before, what the show was trying to say, what these characters were thinking–all of which I knew was the wrong way to be watching, but it’s the way my brain works, so I spent a lot of the show frustrated. In short, this show wasn’t for me. 

But that’s not why I feel the need to write about it. Shows are fully allowed to not be for me, I usually can differentiate between when a show is doing something I don’t like well, or when it’s failing at its own goals. And I don’t begrudge people with different taste getting catered to sometimes; my refrain is that most problems of representation are not solved by calling for less of something, and rather than wanting something not to be made, I’d rather champion for more and a greater variety of content. And lord knows there’s enough BL to go around these days (shouting out @respectthepetty’s post along these lines, which I loved) . But We Are still worries me, and I’ve been trying to find a way to articulate that my concerns are not actually about the show itself, in isolation, but rather about how it feels like part of a pattern. This is my best attempt at laying that out. It’s going to get a little ramble-y, so apologies in advance.

Shout-out to @bengiyo who first articulated this anxiety in his post from relatively early in the show’s run . Ben gets into some of where I’m coming from with concerns about what this show means for the genre in this post, which as he mentions we've chatted about in DMs. I’m really grateful to him for these conversations because in isolation, I worried that I was being alarmist. It was helpful to have confirmation that he was feeling the same way so that I could get out of my own head.  

Ben mentions in his post that New Siwaj has been in this business a long time, and I, like Ben, have jived with him for years because he manages to imbue queer angst into his shows in a way that resonates with me, even when he’s had missteps. I'm going to lay out some of the major highlights of his work for those who haven't followed New for years.

He was an editor on Love Sick, arguably the start of the Thai BL genre as we know it today, and a show full to the brim of queer angst. He directed Make It Right, one of my favourite Thai BL comedy series. This show was also an ensemble centered around a friendship group (though admittedly it didn’t balance the friendship and romance content as strongly as We Are), and it covers so many topics that felt refreshing at the time and still are rare (morning-after sex visits to the clinic because things went poorly, hooking up on the apps, sex acts beyond just penetration, suicidality, I could go on). He also was involved in the GMMTV Waterboyy series–this was his first work for GMMTV that I am aware of. That show had a lot of issues but did explore internalized homophobia and bullying.

He worked as a cinematographer on En of Love, which is again similar to We Are in that it has several couples connected by a friendship group (and is several novels in one series), but each couple was given its own miniseries instead of bundling them into one show. En of Love also still dealt with some serious queer angst, especially in the Love Mechanics story [Sidenote, Niink, the director for En of Love, stuck with New and moved on to work for Wabi Sabi].

At this point, New created his own company, Studio Wabi Sabi, which he's said in interviews was to gain more creative control over what he was working on. And his stories became arguably even more explicitly queer and inclusive of queer trauma. He screenwrote and produced Love By Chance (which folks may not remember or know, but that core story starts off with Pete being blackmailed for being gay until Ae convinces him to come out to his mother and shut down the leverage for blackmail, and a good chunk of Pete’s character arc is unlearning internalized homophobia and not seeing himself as ‘corrupting’ Ae) and then Until We Meet Again. The queer angst in UWMA probably doesn’t need my help spelling out, but just in case anyone doesn’t know the summary, this show was about a queer couple who committed suicide in the face of homophobia in the 1980s, and were reborn and given another chance to be together in present day. I did want to note that in both of these series (LBC and UWMA) the core romance itself has no major conflicts; both AePete and DeanPharm felt like they were intentionally side-stepping so many of the usual BL drama tropes of jealousy and misunderstandings through trust and communication. Dean and Pharm’s story took that even further by having so many of the usual drama pitfalls for a gay couple just not be a problem; their only drama comes from their past lives, in a beautiful exploration of the breaking of intergenerational trauma. So many external threats to their relationship ended up being non-starters, and this was my version of a comfort series for that reason. 

From there, New started working with GMMTV again, and directed My Gear and Your Gown. This series was, to my knowledge, the first GMMTV BL series to mention HIV and to show characters getting tested at the clinic, and while it wasn’t perfect representation (didn’t get into PrEP, treated HIV as a death sentence), it felt like an important milestone.

[I’m skipping the sequels and specials he did for series I already talked about, because they don’t feel that important to the story I’m telling here and this is already so long, but I wanted to acknowledge that I’m not covering everything in his oeuvre.]

He then directed 7 Project, which had some serious storylines dealing with bullying and struggling with life in the closet, out of Wabi Sabi, and then Star and Sky out of GMMTV. Star in My Mind included one of the main characters in a beard relationship for years, and some controversy over the adaptation choices to make Daonuea (Dunk’s character) less polite than in the books. There was drama around the pronouns and characterization in that show (both Daonuea and Khabkluen use guu/mueng in the series, but in the novel, Daonuea uses rao; he also curses in the series and novel fans complained that he was too ‘masculine’). I thought it was an interesting attempt at a departure from BL character tropes to try to make Daonuea more evenly matched with Khabkluen in terms of his gender presentation in the show. Sky in Your Heart also included some angst about whether people of a particular station could be gay. Both of these shows (SIMM and SIYH) were also very trope-y, but they had clear throughlines. 

My Only 12%, the next show New directed out of Wabi Sabi, contains one of my favourite moments in all of BL, in which Seeiw sees Love of Siam and cries because it makes him realize he’s gay. There’s this heartfelt moment where he asks his sister, if there’s nothing wrong with being gay, why doesn’t the film let the gay characters have a happy ending? Despite the weird PSA ending, this show remains one of my favourites.

This is an aside but I’ve long been fascinated about this moment in New’s history: he played himself in War of Y, as a director of BL who is sick of being forced to make BL shows full of fanservice; he treats the actors with disdain and cuts marketable high heat scenes from the show which makes everyone nervous for the show’s future. Later we see him and the actor characters on set for My Only 12%, much happier. I ask myself about this moment at least once a week: Did he write this self-insert? Did someone else write the character and he just played it, and the similarities to his style were (were not?) a coincidence? I hope someone knows and tells me one day,

From there, New functioned as an Executive Producer of Dear Doctor, I’m Coming for Soul [I think this was the first outsourced project by Wabi Sabi]. This series’ entire plot is a metaphor for living in the closet and waiting for the time when the main couple can be together fully without having to hide. 

He directed A Boss and a Babe for GMMTV (which had its problems for sure, but also had Cher as an out gay man at the workplace dealing with casual homophobia in a way that was extremely satisfying), and then Between Us, which is maybe the least queer feeling show Wabi Sabi produced on its own, but did go into the issues of dating and the closet while trying to become a star (if I’ve forgotten something from this show let me know, I only watched it the once). One of the things that was so strange about this show was it being a sequel to UWMA but not engaging with the same themes. The only mention of real world queerness I can remember was the acknowledgment that they can’t get married in Thailand and Dean and Pharm discussing again going abroad and getting married there. 

Absolute Zero was a complete mess of a show; New directed this one for Wabi Sabi, and it has some similarities to UWMA in the sense of there being an attempt at saving the gays from the bury your gays trope, this time via time loop rather than reincarnation, but it did not take the issues it raised seriously enough (including the age gap created between the two characters by virtue of time travel). 

And that leads us to We Are for GMMTV, which as Pluem (@happypotato48)  wrote in his excellent post about this, includes Toey using nu and other 'feminine' or 'youthful' sounding language, but also apparently dropped the main conflict of the novel between Phum and his father (because his father disapproved of Peem).

Why did I go through all of that? Because I wanted to lay out how I've watched New Siwaj’s career go from finding a way to tell incredibly poignant and healing queer narratives (by creating his own company, and fitting these moments into the GMMTV series he did work on) to stripping out queerness from the shows he’s creating in the last year or so.

And this is a pattern we’re seeing more widely at GMMTV in particular, but also in Thai QL more widely. This is something that was touched on but not really discussed in the most recent episode of The Conversation podcast (the 23.5 and only boo! episode here). In both 23.5 and Only Boo!, the show faked out a homophobic parent and then treated their kids like they were silly to assume the worst, and I hated that.

Both Ongsa and Kang had internalized homophobia in their respective series. Both were terrified of telling their mothers about their homosexual love interest. And in both cases, their mothers told them something along the lines of 'of course I will support you no matter what'. In Ongsa's case, even though she was outed by Sun without her consent, she's the one who ends up apologizing for her hesitancy and feeling foolish for her concern. In Kang's case, the show never challenges his mother's assertion that she'll always support him even though we know she hasn’t (she was the one who wanted to prevent him from studying art before his father died), and it’s the audience that was left feeling foolish for our concern. 

In the GMMTV round table for Pride Month, it was mentioned that the decision for Ongsa's mother to be accepting of her relationship with Sun was made in order to model good parental behaviour for the older generation in the audience. In the novel, Ongsa's mother presents a significant conflict, but this conflict was erased from the show. I don't know if the same decision was made in Only Boo! for the same reason or not, but either way, the show definitely signalled to Kang's mother having an issue with Kang's relationship with Moo, and then said "sike", which I did not enjoy. The Conversation panelists were correct in the conversation linked and transcribed above that this wasn't the most egregious misstep either show made, but it feels like a telling symptom of the larger overall narrative problems that New is also now succumbing to.

It seems as though telling stories stripped of queer conflict is being seen as progressive, and possibly also easier to sell, and this is where my anxiety lies around what this will mean for Thai QL content in future. 

For the record, I am all for creating queer content in which we envision a better world for ourselves. But when that is the goal, understanding where internalized homophobia comes from and thinking through how removing parental objection will affect the character and the story is vital to the story and characterization remaining coherent. Otherwise it just ends up feeling like the show is telling queer kids that they're paranoid, rather than rightly worried (like I wrote about in this thread on My Love Mix-Up Thailand, where the same decision was made again to fake out a homophobic subplot that was removed from the adaptation but was present in the source material).

These choices speak to adaptation choices with an eye for specific moments and story points, rather than to a narrative or character arc, which is where it feels like they fall into the wider pattern of what @bengiyo, @shortpplfedup and @ginnymoonbeam were describing in their discussion: shows caring more about hitting specific meme-able story points listed out on a whiteboard than about making cohesive sense or having something coherent to say. 

[So as not to leave it out: I don’t think there were concerns of homophobia in the Wandee Goodday novel (novel readers feel free to correct me if I’m wrong about this) but the show faked us out about homophobia concerns anyway, which again really bothered me during that watch and which adds to the pattern.] 

Now, of course, as I stated up at the top there is value in the creation of different kinds of media. These shows sell different fantasies than the ones I want to see, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have value.All of BL has some amount of fantasy that it’s buying into, that’s what comes with the territory of ‘fiction’. The BL bubble (in which homophobia doesn’t exist and all men are gay for each other) is a version that is at its most extreme; nothing bad ever happens that isn’t quickly resolved within an episode, so there is never narrative tension, and nobody really needs to be that concerned about how anything will go ever. I do not find these relaxing because I can’t buy into the fantasy they’re selling; for me, the lack of narrative tension is so unbelievable as to ruin my immersion. But I can see why that would be appealing for someone whose brain is not always on alert and running at 11/10! The problem I am anticipating is when the majority of content is made that way, and when it is done in a way that takes up all of the mainstream space. I think it’s notable that the only show that’s really felt not in the queer bubble from GMMTV in 2024 is Cooking Crush, which was done by a subsidiary team within GMMTV (and the same team went on to make Only Boo!). And this is why We Are caught my attention and made me nervous; When a director who is known for his representation of poignant queer angst makes an entire 16-hour series in which there are no significant conflicts at all and the only hint of homophobia is in Toey’s reference to being bullied prior to the timeframe of the series, I get worried about who is going to be making the queer angst shows in future!  

For the record, my personal preference for comfort shows are the shows that do not pretend the world is perfect, but do depict an idealized subset of that world→where there’s a group of people that support one another through the bullshit of others and the less than perfect world that surrounds them. Shows that teach us to be kind to one another, and ourselves. Shows that say the world is going to suck sometimes, but we can be good to one another, and not lose sight of who we are, and make space for others to be themselves. A few of my favourite Thai series that do this would be: 

Bad Buddy

Cooking Crush

City of Stars

Knock Knock Boys

Miracle of Teddy Bear

My Only 12%

Secret Crush on You

To Sir With Love

Until We Meet Again

(and of course these occur in non-Thai shows as well. A few examples of my favourites: What Did You Eat Yesterday, DNA Says Love You, Light on Me, Oppan, Marahuyo Project, TsukuTabe, Tadaima Okaeri, Koisenu Futari, Joshi-teki Seikatsu, Gameboys, Hehe and He, Twilight out of Focus, She Makes My Heart Flutter)

These are shows in which there are explicitly external judgments on the relationships in the show and/or the characters for things intrinsic to who they are, and the characters build a support structure in which folks are encouraged to be themselves within that ‘bubble’ (Bad Buddy walks a fine line because it’s within the BL bubble but the problems that the main couple face are so a direct allegory that everything feels familiar; this is also the case with Tadaima Okaeri, which is both omegaverse and one of the most beautifully kind shows of all time). 

So for now, I still have the other smaller Thai studios including Kongthup Productions (who made Knock Knock Boys; we’ll see whether their latest series Monster Next Door deals with any queer angst or not), idolFactory (just finished My Marvellous Dream is You, which had a ton of queer angst, and is currently doing The Loyal Pin, which I have hope for on this front), DeeHup (currently making I Saw You In My Dream, which I’m holding out hope for) and StarHunter Entertainment (who made City of Stars, but whose record is a little spotty on this front; Their latest, Sunset Vibes, has not done a great job of handling the theme of office relationships and blackmail so far, and feels very much in the bubble) to look forward to. 

But as you can see even just by virtue of the caveats I included above, it feels like this shift is happening in the smaller companies too (harder to see a real pattern with fewer data points, which is one of the reasons why I picked on GMMTV–in addition to it being the largest media conglomerate in Thailand and therefore able to take it). Maybe it’s nothing, maybe I’m just an anxious person. Or maybe I’m just wrong about what would be best for the genre and for queer people in Thailand as well as viewers all over the world. But I, for one, would find it a loss if Thai QL decides en masse to pivot away from queer angst, and right now it kind of feels like that’s what it’s doing. In this context, to reiterate my original point, the existence of We Are is not a problem, but is one in a set of exemplars that raised specific alarm bells due to the people involved and their history in QL and queer representation, its deviation from the source material, and the surrounding shows that seem to indicate a pattern rather than a one-off. 

[thoseboysinblue]

Mistletoe Magic

Gif by @lovelynikol16

Christian Pulisic x reader

You find yourself caught under the mistletoe with Christian.

Wordcount: 1500+

Requested: No

Warnings: Swearing

You wander up to the door of the house marked by the address Christian sent you earlier. Adjusting your hair slightly and taking a deep breath, you knock on the door and wait for someone to answer.

"Hey you, I'm glad you could make it," Christian engulfs you in a hug, placing a light kiss to your cheek. He accepts the beer and small bag of snacks you brought as a thank you for the invitation.

"Thank you for inviting me," you smile at him as you remove your coat and hang it in the small closet in the entryway of his house.

"I would've invited you to stay if I had known you were going to be in Milan," he narrows his eyes at you.

"It was kind of a last minute change of plans, and I didn't want to impose," you offer him a smile.

"You're never imposing, you know you're always welcome to stay anytime, y/n," he says as he leads you into the kitchen, you noticing the traditional Christmas decor scattered around.

Your job as a travel blogger means that you hop around quite a bit. You'd stayed with Christian several times in London since it was a good starting out point for many of your adventures, but you haven't visited him in Italy until now.

"So what brings you to Italy for the holidays?" he asks, pouring you a glass of wine while he opens a beer.

"I'm writing something on Christmas markets," you shrug at him, "I wasn't supposed to come here actually, but needed to make some alterations due to a few things, so here I am."

"Well, you know I'm always glad to see you," he smiles, a genuine smile.

Your friendship with Christian started several years ago, right after his move to Chelsea. You both happened to be at the same event one evening in London and found a small bit of comfort in having someone from "home" close by.

You often spent time with him when he was home during the summers, blocking off a week or so from your travels to be able to visit him. You had become friends with several of his friends and things were just easy between you.

You both took a bit of heat for the natural flirtation that seemed to flow back and forth, but never had it gone beyond that. You were friends with him, not someone he grew up with, but someone who had earned his trust over a period of time and vice versa.

"I think you invited me here early because you wanted someone to do the dirty work for you," you chuckle as you arrange various platters of food for the twenty or so guests he had invited over for a small holiday gathering.

"We might have time for some actual dirty work," he quips at you as he glances at the time on his watch.

"Aww, the Italian model scene not to your taste?" you grin as you chunk an grape at him which he somehow manages to catch in his mouth.

"Honestly, I haven't had much time for all that," he shrugs, "been trying to get settled in here and really trying to stay focused right now."

"Well, you seem to be settling in just fine," you smile softly at him as you finish the last tray.

He turns on some Christmas music and grabs your hand and twirls you around a couple of times, both of you laughing as you dance and sing along.

As the other guests start to arrive, Christian introduces you to some of his new teammates as well as their significant others. You also greet his former Chelsea teammates you had met previously as well as his international teammates, a couple of them having made the trip from Turin for the party.

"It's good to see you," Weston grins as he gives you a warm hug.

"Yeah, you too, Wes," you roll your eyes at the mischevious look on his face.

"He made a move yet?" he nods towards Christian who keeps glancing over to you, curious as to what his friend could possibly be saying that has you looking slightly flustered.

"What? No! He would never, you know we aren't like that, at all," you shake your head.

"You sure? I mean, I've never seen two people flirt as relentlessly as you guys do and never take it any further," he narrows his eyes at you.

"Well, that's just how we are, harmless flirtation, that's it," you offer him a beer.

"You spending the holidays here with him though?" he continues pressing you.

"I'm in Milan, writing for my blog, he didn't even know I was here until he saw my story yesterday. I have my own hotel, so no, I'm not 'spending the holidays with him'," you use air quotes to mimic his previous statement.

"That's a shame, I'm sure he'd love unwrapping you as a gift on Christmas morning," he chuckles as you swat at him.

You continue chatting with people as the night carries on, engaging in a few drinking games and you and Christian carrying on your usual flirtatious banter.

You head to the bathroom and when you return, everyone has moved from the kitchen and dining area over to the living room to continue playing party games.

Christian is leaning in the doorway between his living room and kitchen, looking at his phone when you approach him and wrap your arms around his waist and tuck yourself under his arm as he naturally moves to drape it over your shoulder.

"This has been a good party, Chris," you smile up at him, "I've had fun getting to know everyone and catching up with some of the others."

"It has been fun, hasn't it?" he smiles back at you, "I hope Wes hasn't given you too much grief."

"Oh, I can handle him, you don't have to worry about that," you shake your head.

"Oh, I know, if anyone can take him down a notch or two, it's you," he chuckles.

"Hey, you two," you hear Wes shout over everyone, "look up," he grins.

The two of you look up simultaneously, before your eyes widen and meet with Christian's.

"Fuck, I forgot I put that there," he stares at you, suddenly unsure of what he should do.

"Well, I'm pretty sure it's bad luck if you are caught under the mistletoe and don't kiss, so..." you trail off.

"Yeah, I think so too, and I mean, we don't want bad luck following us around do we?" his eyes flick from your eyes down to your lips and back to your eyes.

"But we don't have to, if you don't want to, y/n, I don't want to force you into anything," he looks at you sincerely.

"It's just a kiss under the mistletoe, Christian," you smile softly at him as you move your hands around the back of his neck and inch closer to him.

"It's probably full of nargles, anyways," you grin as he closes the distance and you hear him chuckle under his breath.

"You sure?" he asks one more time, his lips mere millimeters from yours.

You nod and close your eyes, pressing your fingers into the back of his neck and encouraging him to close the gap.

His lips brush against yours softly and timidly, before he slides his hand up to cup your jaw and pull you into him a bit further. You kiss him back, slightly surprised at the immediate butterflies that erupt in your stomach.

The kiss lasts a few more moments before you both pull away and smile shyly at one another.

"About damn time," Wes whistles at you.

It suddenly hits you what just happened, Christian kissed you, albeit somewhat forced by holiday superstition, but he still kissed you, and you kissed him. And you didn't expect to like it as much as you did.

You quickly rush down the hallway and into the first room you find, shutting the door behind you, needing a few minutes to get a grip on everything.

You lean with your back against the door as you take a few deep breaths, closing your eyes and calming yourself before you get too overwhelmed.

You hear a soft knock at the door, "y/n, are you in there," you hear Christian ask quietly.

You turn and open the door, letting him in before quickly closing it behind him.

"Are you ok?" he looks at you, his eyes full of concern, as he moves to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

"Yes, no, I don't know," you sigh, leaning into his touch as he cups his hand along your jaw.

"It wasn't supposed to feel like that when you kissed me," you breathe out, "I wasn't supposed to feel anything, it was supposed to be a kiss between friends under the mistletoe, no big deal."

"It wasn't supposed to feel like what?" he asks quietly. "Wasn't supposed to feel like butterflies and fireworks and like your insides were suddenly on fire?"

You look up at him, curious to know if he was telling you he'd had the same unexpected reaction.

"Because, that's what I felt a few minutes ago, and I'm kind of hoping you felt it too," he says leaning his forehead against yours.

"Yes, I felt it too," you close your eyes.

"Want to see if that was just a one time thing?" he whispers against your lips, smiling when you pull him closer to you and connect your lips back to his.

This kiss is different from the first, it's not shy nor timid, it is full of certainty and desire. He kisses you like you are the oxygen he needs to breathe. He runs his tongue along the seam of your lips, silently asking for entrance, and moans softly into your mouth when you allow his tongue to press against yours.

You can't deny he's a good kisser as you sink further into one another, tangling your fingers into the hairs at the nape of his neck, and damn it, he knows what he's doing with his tongue. You have to stop your thoughts from running away with themselves as the two of you allow your hands to roam over one another's bodies, gripping each other as closely as you can.

You pull away from one another breathless and dizzy, a grin spreading on both of your faces.

"Definitely not a one time thing," he chuckles pecking you on the lips again.

"No, I don't think so either," you shake your head.

"So what now?" you ask him, realizing this has just changed everything between you.

"Now, I think we have to go back to the party," he sighs, "but I want you to stay later so we can talk."

"Ok," you nod.

"Would you consider staying the night?" he grins cheekily at you.

"I might, but don't get too far ahead of yourself," you grin back at him.

"No, no, that's not what I meant. I mean I would like for you to stay, and talk, and keep kissing me like that, but we don't have to do anything else until we figure things out," he says quietly, placing another delicate kiss to your lips.

"I think I can handle that," you lean your head against his chest, listening to the way his heart is pounding.

"Ok, so let's figure out a polite way to kick everyone out," he chuckles kissing you one more time before opening the door and ushering you back towards the other guests.

Tag List:

@chilwellspulisic @neverinadream @pulisicsgirl @swimmingismywholelife @lovelynikol16 @nyctophilic0vitnir @lunamelona @tall-tanned-tattoo @lizzypotter14 @xjval @notsoattractivearenti @bracedes @landoslover

[wolfjackle-creates]

Bring Me Home Arc 2 Part 20: FINAL

So guess what I realized this morning. Today, November 13, 2023 is the one year anniversary of me posting my first DPxDC fic to tumblr. It was the original fill for this very fic. (Which you can find here.)

So I decided I just had to finish this arc and get it posted. This year has been amazing and so much fun. I've become a much better writer and joined a community that has brought me so much joy. I'm glad to be here and I'm glad so many of you like to read what I'm sharing.

I noticed I got a few new readers over the past week or so, so welcome to all of you! Hope you enjoy this early update!

In personal news, my nephew was born and he's adorable and I'll be meeting him tomorrow! (As soon as I'm done posting this, I'm off to make food for his mom.)

Story Summary: Tim and Danny are both neglected by parents who care more about their work than their families. They deal with this by spending too much time online and find each other playing MMORPGs. They keep up their friendship as Tim becomes Robin and Danny becomes Phantom and don't bother keeping secrets from each other.

Arc 1

Arc 2: Part 1, Previous

Word Count: 1.2k

-----

In the end, it ended up taking several hours for Danny, Sam, and Tucker to escape their families and converge on the park. In that time, Tim had called Bruce to let him know he’d be back in Gotham by tomorrow and finished most of his homework.

While he worked, Wulf and Bart were having an animated conversation in Esperanto.

Tim was pretty sure Wulf would be bringing Bart to the Ghost Zone for a tour sometime and started making plans to learn Esperanto himself and bribe Bart to get in on them.

Cassie was helping Conner sort through some of the music Sam had given him. Tim was jealous as he solved more banal trig questions. Why did school have to be so boring? He tapped his pencil on the paper in time to the beat of whatever music Conner had playing.

Tucker was the first to arrive. “Danny and Sam not here yet?” he asked as he plopped down next to Bart and Wulf.

“Nope. Haven’t heard from them, either,” said Tim. He opened his phone notifications again just to be sure, but there was nothing new.

Tucker shrugged and pulled out a stick of jerkey to munch on. “Not surprising. The Fentons will be all overprotective after the mayor was kidnapped by a ghost on live TV. And Sam’s parents are just as bad. Only they smother rather than check the weaponry.” He turned to greet Wulf in Esperanto.

An email came through on Tim’s phone and he groaned. “Our evening interview was canceled. No one wants to hear us try to defend Phantom anymore.”

Cassie cursed. “Course not. Bet the paper won’t publish our editorials either.”

Conner looked over, confused. “Won’t they? Clark works for the Daily Planet. They publish stuff like that all the time.”

Tim didn’t look up from his math as he answered, “That’s the difference between a big, Pulitzer winning publication and a small-town op-ed.”

Tucker sighed. “Well maybe someone will remember your interviews from this morning in a positive light.”

Bart rolled his eyes. “Come on, we can’t change it. So let’s move forward. Next step, make friends with more ghosts! Wulf says there’s a bunch of cool people in the Realms.”

“Realms?” asked Tim.

“It’s what he says the Ghost Zone is actually called. The Infinite Realms.”

“Huh. I’ll have to check JL databases, see if they have any information on them.”

Tucker asked something in Esperanto and Bart burst out laughing as Wulf looked on in confusion.

With Bart’s help, though, he rephrased until Wulf was able to reply. And then the three kept to Esperanto. Tim really had to find time to learn it.

Sam was the next to arrive. She grinned and sat down next to Conner. “How you liking the music?”

Conner grinned and showed her the sheets where he ranked the bands so far based on which songs he’d listened to. She then took over the speakers and searched for specific tracks to try and change his mind about some of the bands he liked the least.

Tim let his eyes close as his friends’ voices washed over him.

After some indeterminate time where he dozed between sleeping and awareness, a foot nudged his hip. Tim grumbled out what was supposed to be a, “What?” but was too mumbled to really be understood.

“Come on, Secrets. You can do better than that.”

Tim cracked an eye open to see Danny grinning down at him. He pushed himself up slightly and blinked heavily in the sunlight.

“Finally got away from your parents?” asked Tim.

Danny collapsed on the ground next to him. “Ugh, don’t remind me. They’re freaking out over everything that’s happened the last few days. Jazz and I are basically going to be on lock down until they feel confident the ghosts are gone.”

“Did you have to sneak out to get here?” asked Cassie.

Danny shook his head. “No, I told them I was going to find you guys to make sure you were all safe. You’re welcome to come back to ours tonight, by the way. Mom and Dad basically insisted on it.”

“What do you guys think?” asked Tim. “Spend one more night here at Danny’s and head out in the morning?”

Cassie sighed. “My mom’s already freaking out that I’ve been gone longer than planned. I should get back tonight.”

“I’ll stay,” offered Conner. “I’m your ride home, anyway.”

“Why don’t you come to my place, Conner,” offered Sam. “Your nails need a fresh coat after fighting today. And I need teach you about the different brands of makeup and what to look for in terms of cost, quality, and ethicality. Plus I can get you more music.”

Tim laughed when Conner looked to him. “Go for it. Have fun.”

Conner grinned. “Then yeah, let’s do it!”

Bart shrugged. “Wulf is going to go back to the Realms soon. I’ll head out after. Wally and Linda want me over for a family dinner tonight.”

“Well, looks like that’s it, then,” sighed Danny. “Been fun having other heroes around.”

Tim nudged his shoulder. “Join the Young Justice. You could join us and we'd help out whenever you wanted. Get you around people who actually appreciate what you do for them.”

But Danny was already shaking his head. “I have to stay here. And now Amity trusts heroes even less. I want to improve that, not make it worse.”

“Even if you don’t join,” declared Conner. “You’re not getting rid of us now.”

Bart nodded his agreement. “Yep. We’re gonna be stopping by all the time. You’re in the group chat.”

“Exactly,” agreed Tim. “And we’ll figure out ways to help you. Starting with how to minimize property damage. That seems to be the big thing people focus on. You can make shields, right? How big can you make them and how much power do they take?”

Danny smiled wryly. “Can’t say I’ve really tested it.”

Tim laughed. “Well, I know one thing we’re doing tonight. We’re going to go back to Nasty Burger—” Tim looked around at the whole group “—all of us. Then Cassie and Bart are going to go home. Danny and I, at least, are going to take a nap. Then we’re gonna test the current limits to Danny’s powers.”

Danny bumped their shoulders together. “You know, this is just like gaming with you all those years.”

“Yeah, well, it’s best to be thorough.”

“We’ve measured, like, his top speed and stuff,” said Tucker, pulling out a PDA. “Want to see what we’ve got so far?”

“Absolutely.” Tim took the device and looked through it. “You’ve a decent amount of information here. Maybe instead of taking a nap, I’ll help you organize it and come up with a testing plan.”

Conner flew over to him and pulled the PDA out of his hand. “Not after pulling an all-nighter you won’t. We’re going to get some food, then the two of you are going to sleep for at least four hours.”

“I’ll set Jazz on you, too,” threatened Sam. “Don’t think I won’t.”

Tim pouted as the device was given back to Tucker. And grumbled more when Conner picked him up and threw him over his shoulder.

“Come on, food time.”

“I am going to put kryptonite in your phone,” threatened Tim.

“Bingo!” shouted Cassie.

Danny laughed as he stood. “Does this mean I can join the next round?”

Tim scowled. “Traitors, all of you.”

-----

Next

And that's the end of this Arc! Arc 3 will pick up where the original fill did. (Only this time, Tim won't be the only DC character there to help Danny.)

I'd say something like I can't believe it's only been a year, but so much has happened to me in the last twelve months that it feels like a lifetime ago, to be honest. But it's been a good year and I'm glad this community has been part of it.

Please follow the subscription post if you want updates for when I start transferring this arc to AO3 or begin posting Arc 3.

[marigoldbaker]

making a list of good things that happened this year because there's too many and i need them recorded for posterity

visited bonus mom in england and it rewired my entire brain chemistry. i did not blog about it a lot i don't think and i don't talk about it often because it was such a joyful celia is fully present experience, but i will say that when i first arrived at the airport i was so fucking nervous and i was all kinds of shaky and fucked up and terrified that this six year long relationship would fall apart when we tried to translate it to irl and then i saw them there with a sign for me that is now on my wall in my apartment and something in my heart snapped into place and i literally physically flung myself at them and tripped over my suitcase and my knees gave out and i ended up dragging them down to the floor and we hugged for like at least ten minutes (conservative estimate probably). true story

jess is an entire bullet point on this list. funny sweet important passionate talented dedicated hardworking academically iconic definitely needs to take more naps keeps me apprised on extensive sims lore is coming out to visit in february is incisively thoughtful and we've made up beef for our dnd characters together. i love you a lot jess. i would say more things but i bet even these things are going to make you hide under a pillow. so.

so many other friends! like??? insane???? quite a few irl friends which is so cool! particular love for hal and silvain and rj (calendiles dnd crew i love you i'm so glad me putting down jenny has not meant putting down our friendships bc you're all such marvelous people) and gabby and silvain (silvain gets a double mention for Reading Literally All Of My 200K Word Fic reasons. erudite, and immensely appreciated)

and the new bg3 friends i'm beginning to associate with who i don't wanna name by name bc i'm shy and i care overly but PLEASEEE know if we've texted more than once about bg3 i probably adore you greatly and admire your creativity and thoughtful opinions and am trying to play it cool but im bad at it. yes this is about you. i deeply hope we will continue talking. probably about jaheira bc im obsessed with that woman.

being part of like 2 different dnd campaigns this year right around the time i started playing bg3 for the first time was REALLY fucking cool.

ACTUALLY ON THAT SUBJECT THE WHOLE BG3 THING WAS REALLY FUCKING COOL. it feels really special to not like....idk, this year is the first year of my life i have not been labeling myself as That Jenny Calendar Girl! i don't feel like i'm That Jenny Calendar Girl. i am celia :) i like a lot of different things! i like video games, i like bookmaking, i like drawing, i like cooking and food, i like fashion, i like writing, i like little calico critters <3 ironically my url is still the same but i think i am going to keep it that way for a little while, because i like remembering what brought me to this blog in the first place.

fell in love with my neighborhood! it was always bound to happen, but the moving-in process was rough, and it took me a while to connect with the place. now i know what drink i like to order at the local cafes, i know where i want to go for coffee and for pizza, i know about farmers' markets and local events, i know that There Is A Fucking Swimming Pool Across From My House. i do not think i can ever leave.

started to FINALLY feel comfortable in my job! i still don't totally know what i'm doing, but i don't feel like i'm sleepwalking through work while badly dissociating, and i really love the work that i do + the position i fill. i'm so hopeful that i can continue to work with teens. being a teen librarian is oft a difficult position to find

learned how to cook! did not do it often this year but oh well. i was busy.

went to the chicago art institute for the first time ever and got to see a sunday afternoon on the island of la grande jatte by georges seurat which was really insanely meaningful because sunday in the park with george is one of my dad's favorite musicals, and he went and saw that painting a long long time ago, and he also went and saw the monet paintings, and we texted a bunch about it

kept connected with my dad and my brother, and am starting to realize that having my own adult life means i fit a lot easier into theirs.

was briefly and meaningfully reunited with the actual love of my life (the pacific ocean)

VISITED A ROCK BEACH IN ENGLAND. if no one else got me i KNOW rock beach got me. everyone i have talked to is like "no, beaches need to be sandy" but i don't think they understand the sensory experience of sitting among 10000000000 rocks and picking them up and playing with them and finding a piece of rock chalk and drawing faces on the rocks and leaving all the rock faces for someone else to find and hopefully be unnerved by and then having your bonus mom's partner be like "celia are you just abandoning your children there" and reconsidering a lot of life choices but not enough to take the rock faces

i love you lake michigan im sorry i spent 80 percent of this year being mad at you for not being the pacific ocean im done having emotional problems i promise

went and saw wicked 3 different times

went on a couple of really meaningful and sweet dates and even if they didn't go anywhere i think the fact that i'm capable of feeling like that about another person is super awesome to know, and makes me so excited to keep on trying with that

went on a bunch of REALLY wonderful friend-dates and made new friends :) who i have been hanging out with on and off when our schedules allow for the last few months, and who invite me to parties and things!

received some really incredible and personal holiday gifts from a couple of friends, making me subsequently realize that maybe i'm not impossible to give gifts to

drew an entire wall of art for above my bed

bought a four piece microwave safe dish set in colors i love that remind me of marigold. for $10. will absolutely never let anyone forget that or change my blog title (which is a reference to the fact that i went insane that day to the extent that a woman leaving the shop saw me sitting outside with my cardboard box of dishes and went "are you still enjoying your dish set?" and i did not know who she was bc i blacked out and told everyone in the store about how much i loved the dish set. apparently)

i cannot even talk about marigold without getting so unwell and feeling in my chest just this indescribable feeling. i spent like eight years unwaveringly obsessed with a minor character from a 90s tv show who i really was just making into my own original character, but she never could feel fully mine, and the experience of creating my own girl from scratch (baking her, lol) when i was regularly dissociating and vaguely suicidal and having her be the thing that made me figure out how to connect with things and be happy again has been probably one of the best things i have ever experienced. to know unequivocally that the thing that makes me feel strong and centered is something i made for myself out of all the complicated insecurities and worries i feel. she brings me so much joy. i don't think i'm ever going to put her down. that 90s girl was not my baby, and that 90s video game woman, as beloved as she is, may not be around in my heart forever (though i strongly suspect it's going to be another decade, lol) but marigold? that's always. i love her. she's the girl i made for me

[ateez-himari]

LXST; RECORD TWO

[NEW UPLOAD FROM ATEEZ]

LISTEN TO 'TAKE ME BACK TO EDEN' NOW ON YOUTUBE (until 4:38)

Liked by m.by_sana and 1,203,389 others

ateez_official_ LXST; Record Two

#ATEEZ #애이티즈 #HIMARI #히마리

View all 890,839 comments

sleep_token So glad our fans brought this ethereal song to our attention 🙌🏻 If you're ever looking for someone to collaborate with we'd be more than willing

hynjinnnn i'm so grateful you trusted me to photograph you and bring your ideas to life, it was such an amazing experience 💛the song is so beautiful that i might be responsible for half of its steams right now, save me a seat at the next tour stop🙏

teezify these photo concepts just get more breath taking and the fact that the water is used to portray the emotions of the song...🤌✨️

youremystar an alternative rock/progressive metal song with HER voice, we really are winning guys 🤭 and the creative direction was all her so it really makes those pics more impressive, I can't even explain how I feel looking at them

himarry.me We as a society underestimate just how creative her mind is...she replaced the vowel by an x to make it a series with different themes 🤯Thank you for working so hard our maknae, but please remember to rest 💕

bluebrry she actually performed it at the Toronto concert...I got chills. not only was she acting but she was singing live the entire time, also Mingi as the toxic masked figure from the video?? this stage alone should get an award 🤩👏🏼

08 July 2024 • See Original

Industry Reactions

Mingi made sure his Instagram story was filled with praise for his girlfriend 'from the moment this song started playing in the studio I felt like I was diving into her heart. I'll never grow tired of hearing that angelic voice even in the depth of my dreams so if you won't stream the song, I will 😤Tiny, please show lots of love to my angel, she deserves it especially after the amount of work that went into this track alone. She fell asleep so often in her studio writing everything from lyrics to the music video directions that I had to make her sleep in mine most nights just so I could bring her home later'

J Hope made an unexpected post on Weverse 'I don't usually make song recommendations but I feel like people need to hear this one at least once in their life. We watched her grow up so I was able to see the amount of potential her production had and yet I never thought to hear something so out of the ordinary, she's really advanced to a new level'

American singer Halsey showed fondness for her friend's younger sister on X 'I've only gotten the chance to meet this sweet girl twice yet she's been stuck in my mind ever since and this song is proof of her impact. It goes beyond the restrictions of her industry, it draws your entire being inside the track almost as if under water. I can't properly explain this song so go stream it!'

Woozi surprised fans with news of their friendship on Weverse 'There have been many talented producers who worked with me in the past but Himari instantly stood out to me with the brilliance of her musical mind. We got to talking more as friends and she told me that she didn't take classes until their early debut days, she just watched people like Hongjoong and Yoongi hyung. When producers say that this girl is a genius we really mean it. Take Me Back To Eden is a mix of two different genres yet she makes them work so well together with just the use of her voice, that's a true artist, someone with a creative vision out of what people expect or are comfortable with'

(G)I-DLE leader and producer Soyeon expressed respect on an Instagram story 'Usually senior idols are the ones serving as role models for their juniors, but after hearing Take Me Back to Eden I have to admit that despite being three years older, I really do look up to Himari. What she has isn't just about natural talent, it's hard work, constant learning, harmony in a team, long hours...a lot of us producers admire her work ethic. Her creativity is absolutely mind blowing, she's without a doubt one of the pillars of this generation and I'm sure younger idols will talk about her for a very long time ❤️'

Netizen Reactions

@/bulleobulleooo on X 'That one scene with Apollo when it turns into a man hits so hard...because the sound was beautiful but the chords were cutting her fingers the entire time. Relationship wise that means he was whispering loving things in her ear while destroying her. Omg then the part where she's singing 'Grow back your sharpest teeth, you know my desire' in tears while he's making her look up at him?? This MV is so meaningful'

@/ateenypresent on X 'this is definitely about being lost in someone's corruption 🤔 look at the details, she even has bruises around her eyes like she was burnt by the 'funeral pyre' she keeps talking about being drawn to'

@/himaswife on X 'Hear me out, I think this whole project is about the evolution of toxic love. The first track was about desire for another person, lust, or being drawn in by someone, this one hints to being so blinded by toxic love (of the person she was drawn to) that she loses herself to the point of wanting to go back to previous innocence yet not being able to due to still being trapped by the other. The next one might be called last and talking about the separation from that person.'

@/secretlyjjoongrami on X 'Wait Eden is the beginning, where everything started, but it also represents perfect harmony. With all the clues in the video I think she's been corrupted by the masked man and broken to the point where everything inside her is in chaos. Maybe that's why her dress when he's around is black and torn, but the reflection in the mirror is wearing white, same thing when she's in the water...'

Min Siblings Updates

Yoongi's private message 'My Himari, please know that I'm more than sorry for everything happening at the moment I promise I'll fix it. This is very unfair to you, I can only imagine how stressed everything must make you right now, how much my stupidity bled onto your life. I wanted you to know how proud I am that you're working so hard especially on this incredibly creative project. Your soul is pure art itself, I hope you'll always be able to express yourself like this. Your big brother is so sorry, I love you, always ❤️'

Hanzo's private message 'Don't worry I streamed your new song the second the notification appeared on my screen, Haneul heard it and won't stop asking for me to 'play auntie's song' ㅎㅎ This is a beautiful project but please remember to rest, Hongjoong says he's worried that you have more nightmares lately. Pretty please send me the next track before it comes out, for your big brother that you love so much 🥺My amazing, artistic little tiger, I love you 💕Remember to send me a message when you land in Rosemont!'

Translated from Korean by Google

[choicesficwriterscreations]

Just shy of three years ago, I happily stepped in to help when @choicesficwriterscreations needed assistance with CFWC Fics of the Week. Shortly thereafter, the blog's original creator, @loricreates, was ready to step down, and along with @lucy-268 I was honored to take over and continue the great work Lori had started.

The CFWC archive provides an invaluable service to our fandom, but it was always so much more to me. It's a place where people connect, friendships are fostered, and our incredibly talented creators have a chance to be seen and appreciated.

It has been my pleasure to serve as CFWC's mod, and I'm very proud of the contributions I have made during that time. But it's also a lot of work, and lately, it was beginning to feel like a chore. That's when I knew it was time to say goodbye. I'm not going far; I'll still be in the fandom. I may even show up here to help host a special event or two in the future, but for now, I want to spend my time concentrating on other things, both in and outside of the fandom. That includes my writing, catching up on reading, and supporting each of you.

I want to thank @lorircreates, CFWC's founder, for her vision, for creating this space, and for entrusting it to me. It was an honor to take the reins from you, and I hope we've done your "baby" proud.

I want to thank @lucy-268, who was a dream co-moderator. We sure had a lot of good (and crazy) times running the blog together. I'm so glad this fandom brought us together... and we'll stay that way long after this fandom is gone. 💙

I'd like to thank @liaromancewriter, who has graciously offered to take over so that CFWC can continue. Please join me in welcoming Mal as the blog's new moderator! It makes me feel much better knowing I'm leaving CFWC in your hands!

Most of all, I want to thank all of you. Each and every one of you has made our fandom what it is. The creators who make us laugh, cry, and feel things we never expected to feel. The readers and art fans who have encouraged everyone along the way. Everyone who has ever "geeked out" over a beloved story, character, or OC together. Through CFWC, I've gotten to know many of you better, and that has been the best part of the time I've spent here.

So this is my final CFWC post... one last time! :) I can't wait to see what the future brings! 😘

[azrielsbxtch]

I’ve had more time to sit with HOFAS so here are things I loved and things that bugged me.

THINGS I LOVED

AZRIEL AND NESTA - Where to even begin. Their relationship and friendship is EVERYTHING. I'm so glad SJM chose to highlight both of them for the ACOTAR part because their chemistry is everything. I can't wait for more in ACOTAR 5

AZRIEL - Every new thing we learned about Azriel had me screeching. It's so clear SJM is setting him up for the next book. Every scene he appeared in I was obsessed! Finding out about truthteller, him being protective of his mom, him interacting with music, him being all hot and threatening....this bat has me in a chokehold I swear.

THE LORE - All the new information we got about Prythian and Midgard is so interesting. I wish I was a theories person because there's so much to theorize about!

RUHNLIDIA - They served in this book omg. When Ruhn was like "this is my first mission with my girlfriend I want to impress her" I almost threw my phone I'm not even kidding. They are so cute🥹✨✨

HUNT - I still feel like I need more Hunt. He's such a sweetheart and was truly a highlight for me in this book. I love him so much and I was totally rooting for him to fry Celestina.

THINGS THAT BUGGED ME

Ruhn and Lidia’s mate announcement. I knew Ruhn and Lidia would be mates from HOSAB so I was only waiting for confirmation but the way it was written threw me off. Ruhn just said it out of nowhere and to…of all people…Pollux….like what? Why? Idk it could have been more emotional.

Ariadne- I don’t understand the point of introducing this new character only to do NOTHING with her. I shipped her and Flynn sooo much. The way she was introduced in the beginning of the book had me so hyped only for her to disappear. Like imagine a dragon marching with the armies of Hel when they fought the Asteri…

Sigrid - That entire plotline felt useless to me. She was set up to be this hope for the wolves and it all amounted to nothing. So why did we waste so much time on her. I enjoyed Ithan’s chapters because I really like him. But from an objective point of view…most of what SJM made him do didn’t make sense. If she wanted him to become Prime (which I loved btw) she didn’t need to waste all that time on Sigrid and her resurrection only for her to join Sabine the person she’s supposed to hate and then disappear.

Tharion and Sathia - No…just no…..

Bryce ignoring Hunt’s trauma - She did it in HOSAB but again and on a larger scale in HOFAS. Everytime Hunt brought up his fears (understandable because he has now faced the Asteri twice and suffered insane consequences) Bryce just got angry and put him in such a bad position. She made it look like he didn’t want to support her when he has very valid reasons to be afraid. After what he went through the first time in the Asteri dungeons for years and then again! I’m surprised he didn’t break down even more tbh. His feelings were so valid.

Bryce - SJM tried to do the “Aelin is always two steps ahead” thing with Bryce but honestly it didn’t work. A lot of the times I was side eyeing and was like “that’s convenient” Bryce was guessing a lot of times so that whole thing just didn’t work.

The plot was all over the place. The book really didn’t flow well.

[merbear25]

Heehee, I'm sending you another immortal reader request, could you do it with 3 of the Nordics (your choice for which ones). Reading the immortal reader x hetalia is really tickling my brain! -🪽

Hello, lovely 🪽 anon! Glad to see you again :) I'm glad I'm helping tickle your brain. We all need that sometimes tbh. I tried so hard not to use elves in these because hot damn they're everywhere in Norse mythology. I hope you like what I've written for you 💜💜

a/n: I read a few slightly conflicting stories on the physical appearance of a Keiju (one being tiny, the other being a slightly smaller human) so please forgive me if it's a bit off.

pt 1, pt 2, pt 3

CW: fluff, headcanons, slight angst in Denmark's, these creatures are typically depicted as women in folklore but no pronouns are used for reader.

Meeting an immortal (Norway, Denmark, Finland)

Norway: Huldra Reader

Wandering the forests, you found a lot of solitude amongst the trees. With so many settlements popping up on the outskirts, your curiosity was piqued.

Observing the new people, you caught glimpses of a light-haired man who looked to be rather young in comparison to the others. It seemed they were organizing the layout of the soon to be village. Watching from afar, you thought of ways to work your magic on your unsuspecting prey.

He was scouting the area for good places to fish when you stealthily stalked him behind the trees. The lack of fortune he had fishing was beginning to wear on his patience. Coming out from behind the trees, he responded to you like all the others had—awe-struck.

His silence was telling, indicating that your charm was working. Eyeing his expression intently, you revealed your tail. Though glancing at it, he appeared unphased. Instead of being repulsed like the others, he surprised you; pointing out that your skirt was hiked up and you may catch a cold. A bit taken aback by his gentlemanly concern, you stepped a bit closer, taking more notice of where he was fishing.

“You may want to try fishing at that end over there.” You pointed at a spot at the opposite end of the lake. Giving you a blank stare, he nodded and thanked you for your advice. Every day he returned to that area, looking for something, fishing, or just enjoying the peaceful nature. You couldn’t help gaining interest in him. He seemed so much unlike the others, and naturally, you wanted to learn more about him.

You began exchanging pleasantries which eventually led to forming a friendship. He had so much knowledge of the world beyond yours, and you offered the same. His knowledge of your world and the creatures in it surprised you, but you felt even more intrigued. Who exactly was he?

Among one of your many meetings, you finally asked him why he didn’t age like the others. Informing you about the duties and existence of personifications, you felt a sense of relief blanket you.

Knowing he wasn’t going anywhere for a very long time brought you comfort. It brought the same to him, as well. Even though you would live for hundreds of years and him possibly outliving you, you were happy to know your dear friend would be around for many years. You got the feeling he was glad too.

Denmark: Mermaid Reader

The summer sun felt nice on your face. You were relaxing in your favorite cove away from the growing hustle and bustle of the towns lining the coast.

Every now and then, a straggler would appear—typically a man either exploring the area or rowing along the calm waters admiring the natural beauty of the cliff side. Sometimes you’d practice your singing on them. Most of the time you did so out of boredom or to get them out of your hair when they became a bit too interested.

On your way to your favored spot one day, you spotted a man walking along the beach. He was wearing a carefree smile as he soaked in that day’s rays, leisurely strolling down the unpaved path. Trying not to get too close in fear of him spotting you, you lurked behind, watching him.

You decided to take cover behind a rock, patiently waiting for him to do something. He appeared unremarkable, boring and a bit ditsy even. “Hey, there!” You jumped out of your skin at the overly familiar, flirtatious call coming from behind you. These men snatched the attention of the man you were observing, as well.

He came running, shouting at them to leave you alone. Feeling cornered, you thrashed about in the water, calling attention to your scaly form. Unfortunately, this only caused your distasteful suitors’ desire for you to increase—scheming to auction you off, no doubt. Just as one of the men threw a net over you, a large rock was hurled at his face, making full contact and knocking him back.

Focusing on trying to get out of the net, the sounds of the other men’s yelps of pain and eventual retreat were already fading off in the distance when you heard someone splashing in the shallow waters towards you. Panicking, you warned them to stay back.

“Let me help you!” His caring tone soothed you enough to stop thrashing. He untangled the net from around you, immediately in awe at what he was seeing—a mermaid. His face lit up with a type of childlike wonder, wanting so badly to talk to you, to get to know you. Despite being shy, especially around humans, you humored him. After all, he just saved your life.

With nearly daily conversations, you learned all about his experience as a personification: the good and the bad. When he mentioned how hard it was to get close to anyone who wasn’t also a country, you felt a twinge of sympathy. Even though you weren’t immortal, you’d be around for hundreds of years. You offered to stay with him for as long as this world would have you, which earned you the most sincere smile of gratitude you ever received.

Finland: Keiju Reader

As the mist kissed your skin, you wandered happily amongst the flowers blooming in the meadow. You adored taking the time to care for them, smelling their sweet petals.

Such serenity was becoming more and more difficult to come by in the modern world. The reality of it made a tightness in your chest appear, hoping that the inevitable would have been further in the future.

Unfortunately, you felt forced to frequent that meadow less and less, seeing as many humans were venturing out of towns and cities to explore more of nature. Generally speaking, you didn’t mind humans. However, you could feel a part of you die when you saw one of them disrespecting this lovely world.

Being painfully shy, you regrettably slinked away when an opportunity to confront them presented itself. Eventually, you retreated into the deep forest, finding peace next to a pond. You dipped your feet in it, your wings fluttering in response to the sensation of the cool water.

Closing your eyes for a moment to soak in the peaceful moment, you were jolted awake by a small tongue licking your arm. Letting out a startled shriek, the surprising greeting had come from a small dog. “Oh, hello there. Are you all alone?”  Your tone was soft, helping the dog regain its confidence after the sudden yelp you made.

“Don’t bother the nice lady, Hanatamago!” As the man came closer, it was apparent that he noticed you were no ordinary woman. Stood there with his eyes wide, he quickly apologized if his dog was bothering you and reassured you that he was very friendly.

You responded politely, saying you didn’t mind since you didn’t have the chance to see many dogs. Commenting on how much of a sweetheart his pet was, he used that as a segue of continuing the conversation. In spite of your bashfulness, there was something calming about him. You were starting to enjoy your conversation, even hoping it wouldn’t end. Learning more about each other, you shared stories and opened up to each other.

Learning about the other’s identity, taking the time to understand each other: you couldn’t have asked for a better first impression. You were comforted by the fact that he wouldn’t age. Even though you would, you’d be around for many more centuries; he was more than willing to let you know how glad he was that he’d have plenty of time to spend with you.

[backgroundagent3]

Teresa Lisbon for the ask game please

Thank you for the ask! 💚

First impression: I thought she was so cool. I remember the first episode I watched was a random one in season 6, and I feel like her character had developed a lot at that point and was much more interesting, so when I decided to watch from the beginning I already knew she was awesome. I'm glad about this, because if I'd started with season 1 episode 1, maybe I wouldn't have gotten the best first impression (poor woman was stressed).

Impression now: I still love her, and she's my favourite character of the series, and one of my favourites of all time.

Favorite moment: The entirety of 2.03 (when she gets framed for murder). I loved all the Lisbon-centric episodes, but this one was especially good. We got to see a new and different side of both the character and the actress, which was really cool.

Idea for a story: I would love to read about when she first joins the CBI and then makes leader of the team. I would have loved to see the dynamic of the team back then, especially with her and Cho.

Unpopular opinion: I've seen a lot of people say she was a bad agent because it's always Jane who solves the cases and she never seems to like or follow his crazy plans. First of all, Jane is the main character, of course he solves the most cases. That's pretty much the only reason he's on the team at all. And secondly, she's a federal agent, so of course she's gonna follow the rules and her own logic before his convoluted plans. She knows Jane is most probably right and that they're gonna end up solving the case thanks to him, but she also very much knows that there is a right way to go about cases without ending up in jail. I think that's why they were such good partners, they were able to balance and learn from each other really well.

Favorite relationship: If it's romantic then Jane. He's far from perfect, and he let his personal vendetta get in the way of their relationship one too many times, but in the end they were good together. They brought out good qualities in each other, and he did improve a lot before they got together. And as for platonic, I love her friendship with Cho. They have similar personalities, so I love the way they just get each other. They have some really funny moments together too.

Favorite headcanon: During the two years that Jane spent on the run, she got a lot closer with her former team. They may have lived farther apart, but she made a conscious effort to stay in touch and meet as often as possible. I like to think that now that she wasn't their boss and that social barrier was gone, she let herself become their friend. Yes, they were friends long before that, but let's be honest, she was totally in denial about that.

Thank you so much for the ask! I hadn't though about Lisbon in a LONG time, so this was nice to write.

Character Asks.

[neonscandal]

Hi, Neon, just found your older ask here https://www.tumblr.com/neonscandal/700397520113876992/hiif-you-dont-mind-can-i-ask-something-from?source=share

Now, after 2 years, do you want to add something for the answer? Have you know it yet about the news? I'm still sad when I read that BNHA will be over in the next 5 chapters. Whatever happen, I'm grateful and will always love BKDK !!

Also, do you mind if I ask the same ask (same format : strength, weakness & dynamic) as that person above for Satosugu, Matchblosoom and Asheiji?

I have been sitting on this, and a few other asks since I've been slammed at work while still trying to make art on the side so I appreciate you hanging in there. 💖 At this point, the end of MHA has come and gone but my love lives on.

I will always find fantasy AU gifs appropriate.

⚠️ Spoiler warning through end of MHA manga.

TBH I find a lot of what I wrote to still be spot on, likely by design since I was trying to avoid spoilers at the time so I was indirectly speaking to observations we've now seen play out in the show. The notable difference simply being that the end of MHA brought a bit more exposition into the fact that, more than being number 1, Bakugo's one track mind was solely focused on Izuku.

Without Izuku, his ranking didn't matter. So he fought tooth and nail to get his childhood friend, his rival, his inspiration back into the game. Because they were both always worth saving, they were always making one another better.

Can I first and foremost just point out that Joe is voiced by Jonah Scott and thus deserving of a little romanticization in general?

⚠️ Spoiler warning through SK8 the Infinity S1.

PERSONALITY

Kojiro Strengths

Shockingly to say, Jo is humble. He might go around preening for the crowd but, as a founding member of S, he has the ability to meet Reki where he is when he is resentful of his own lack of growth because he's been there. Maybe that's more to say that he has a bit more emotional intelligence than he gets credit for, either way, there is more than meets the eye.

Jo is sentimental. He might joke about his restaurant not being a daycare or even banter bitterly with Kaoru but he is demonstrably still a safe space for up and coming skaters and a pillar for his high school friend even if we see he felt a bit left behind when he was younger.

Kojiro Weaknesses

I just find it interesting that he's very honest but only when Kaoru is unconscious. Like, he immediately carries Kaoru away after his big injury and really only alludes to valuing their friendship when Kaoru is knocked out beside him. From what we know of their lore, when Kaoru was looking to Adam, Jo was looking to Kaoru and I wonder how much Kaoru realizes that. Or how much Carla really probably bothers Jo as another thing that replaced him.

Kaoru Strengths

We know expeditiously who the brains behind the operation are. Kaoru is really intelligent, both in terms of picking apart Adam's battle strategy with the Love Hug and in programming Carla. Let us all be glad he went into calligraphy and not straight villainy because he'd be unstoppable I fear. There'd be nothing he couldn't mansplain, manipulate or malewife his way out of.

CHERRY IS SO GENDER. That's all.

Kaoru Weaknesses

He's stuck in the past with his vendetta against Adam. That's not to say that Jo isn't locked in a similar gear but Kaoru's motivation seems more personal and I suppose that informs a lot of fanon lore (and why Cherry will never beat the allegations). Kaoru already stands at the top of the pile of S skaters but he still has something to prove and it eventually costs him.

DYNAMIC

This is a really short series to extrapolate a ton from, to be honest, especially with its lack of a source material. I'm really looking forward to season 2 which will explore more of their lore specifically but any time there's an overture of disparaging banter with an undeniable foundation of affection?? I'm gonna love it. In short:

They keep each other honest - what happens on S, stays on S and, while Kaoru is hell bent on keeping his lives separate (professional vs skater delinquent), it's important to have people in your life who know the real you. All of you.

They maintain a shared goal - ultimately, friends are mirrors and the importance of that is touched on in the above. While part of their mission is to beat Adam, I think another element of that is to bring him back into the fold. Because when a homie starts acting weird, you gotta set him straight.

My sweet babies.

⚠️ Spoiler warning for Banana Fish series.

PERSONALITY

Ash Strengths

Despite every turn of his life showing him the evil of human nature, Ash still tries to do right by others. He protects the kids in his gang the only way he knows how. That's not to say he was always a good example because he had to do things that were not always on the up and up but he cared deeply about the people in his life and became the "monster" that could protect them, relentlessly.

Resilient almost to a fault, Ash's suffering is frequently short lived, knowing that he doesn't have the time to wallow. Not if it will be a detriment to his cause, not if it puts Eiji at risk, etc. He compartmentalizes his trauma and grief to prioritize the comfort and safety of others because so many people look to him for guidance. He is incredibly driven despite his age and life's challenges. This can be a strength and a weakness

Ash is brilliant. Strategically, skills wise, intellectually, he is brilliant and quick-witted, at that. Had his circumstances been different, who knows who he could have been in the scheme of things.

Ash Weaknesses

He's hardwired for martyrdom. Life taught him what people value about him and he sneers as he uses it to best them. While I love to see him able to turn the tables on so many of his abusers, it still belies that his confidence is more of a shield than anything else. When you're abused, especially continuously, you espouse feelings of guilt, shame and worthlessness. Regardless of one's resilience, you don't walk away unscathed. Regardless of one's intelligence, you still can't separate yourself from thoughts that suggest you're the reason for your abuse. Ash constantly walks into the line of fire, throws himself to the wolves, offers his life in exchange for others, leverages his experience and humiliation to shield the suffering of others'. In the end, despite what he found in Eiji, his decision to be the leopard, as it were, came from the fact that he thought that should be his fate. He did not think he deserved the softness of what Eiji offered. I disagree.

Despite making quick work of many challenges following the trail of banana fish, Ash can be hotheaded. He's emotional at times which is understandable but the worst instance of it was his overcorrection when Sing's men shoot Eiji as the fall out inextricably creates the situation that costs him his life.

Eiji Okumura. In many ways, Eiji is Ash's greatest weakness, often willing to walk back into hell if it meant an even exchange of Eiji's safety or life. But when it feels like you finally find a reason to live beyond just survival, is it not worth protecting?

Eiji Strengths

Despite the obvious culture shock, Eiji is unflappable, regardless of what he was running away from back home. From his pole vaulted escape where it all begins, to telling Ash to return to him safely, Eiji was just there for Ash and, more importantly, expected nothing in return. Both of these capture Ash's attention and quickly establishes a reciprocal relationship of respect and sympathy.

Eiji is as trustworthy as he is trusting.That's not to say he 100% has the best judge of who is deserving of his trust but his earnest nature endears him to others quickly. To the point where Shorter still does everything in his power to protect Eiji up until the point he can't. One could argue that should be chalked up to Shorter's friendship with Ash but there was a tenderness and concern to Shorter's protection that was specific to Eiji.

One thing about Eiji, he's gonna have audacity. He does not fear Ash despite the things Ash has had to do in the span of knowing him. He treats Ash as a person deserving of concern, deserving of kindness and deserving of attitude when the situation calls for it. In many ways, Ash is surrounded by people who care for him but Eiji sees him beyond his reputation and what he can do for him and it sets him apart. Even when Ash experiences things outside of what he can comprehend, when others treat Ash like a ticking time bomb to be regarded at arms length, Eiji is able to close the gap to comfort him.

Eiji Weaknesses

Despite that one year difference, Eiji is naive to the ways of the world. While it is presented initially like a cultural divide, fundamentally Eiji's upbringing, while not a walk in the park, is also so starkly different from Ash, Shorter's and other characters. A sickly father, perhaps distant mother, but he had promise and opportunities. Back home, he wasn't just surviving. This doesn't undermine the ego death of losing everything when he got injured and having to start from scratch. In truth, I don't think anything could have prepared him for the journey down the rabbit hole but he dove down it just the same. Perhaps because there were no alarms blaring about how it could cost him his life even after Skip's initial death.

DYNAMIC

Contrary to the above, I think Ash and Eiji don't always fall into the same dynamic in every part of the story. They fight for one another, sacrifice for one another, and provide protection (as best they can and in whatever way they can) for one another. Despite everything that should separate them and the one in a million chance of meeting one another, they did. While it meant both of their ruin in different ways it also irreparably altered both of their lives as they made indelible impressions upon one another.

I will never get over these two and, I suppose, neither will the rest of JJK since they're the reason for everything that goes awry.

⚠️ Spoiler warning through end of JJK manga. 😭

PERSONALITY

Will there ever come a time when I tire of writing about Satoru Gojo or Suguru Geto? No, I think not. I saved them for last because I felt like I'd probably have the most to write here but once I started thinking about it.. every single one of their strengths in turn becomes their weakness and leads to their undoing.

Gojo Strengths and Weaknesses

Gojo is strength. Tipping the scales with your birth had to make the list somewhere. He was an infallible weapon wielded by the higher ups until he became too unruly... but what could they do? He was the closest thing they had to otherworldly power. In many ways, without him, sorcerers didn't stand a chance. They conflated him with a god and it went to his head. It allowed him the hubris to gamble on a mission he knew could change the world.

Gojo's status makes him untouchable. In a society that prioritizes strength, Gojo was unmatched. Limitless is such an apropo technique for someone so far removed from others... or is he far removed from others because of his Limitless? Either way, by the time he meets Geto, he'd already been a weapon, been an anomaly for so long. He was raised without an equal, he is not unused to being the strongest and the responsibility that that entails. He's intelligent, pragmatic, and extremely capable. However, finding an equal in Geto made him greedy. Confident. A dangerous combination but, had he not always known such impregnable loneliness, perhaps things wouldn't have gone as far as they did. Regardless of the imperfect comparison (since being a Special Grade has a massive disparity in strength) these extremes created such a desperate need to never know isolation again. He was alone before Geto and suffered the weight of the world after Geto. It created an unprecedented sense of sentimentality, it drove him not to burn Geto's body. Even finding stronger students, people who could stand shoulder to shoulder with him, would one day surpass him... and he still couldn't really let them in.

It takes time and experience but, eventually, he has an adaptable worldview not defined by imposed obligation. This is informed by trauma but it becomes the catalyst for how he lives the rest of his life which is marked with the lofty benevolence of someone who doesn't have to interfere in the trivialities between sorcerers and curses/curse users but does if only to prevent others from experiencing similarly devastating loss or alienation. What he does after Geto defects does nothing to redeem Geto or salvage their relationship but, from that point, Gojo appreciates and protects the privilege of being young in the only way he knows how, by forging them to be strong in turn. It's not exactly a moral compass, one could argue it perpetuates a system that still exploits children but the response, as we've seen with the series end, sorcerers don't have the privilege of choice.

Gojo is out of touch with those around him. He can plot causation, infer complex logic, rehash history, etc. but it does nothing for the broken boy said to be his best friend. While he becomes aware of this weakness and tries to address it with Yuji (by having Nanami take over), it's too late. The damage had already been done.

Geto Strength and Weaknesses

Geto is no stranger to grueling and hard work. As an outsider to Jujutsu Tech, imagine coming into the fold, the only sorcerer of your family with a grossly unpalatable technique. Assessed to be the strongest after being plucked from relative obscurity and you stand at the top of the mountain with someone who won the genetic lottery with all the audacity to boot. We don't have much insight into Geto's whole back story but we see enough of Yuji's immersion into the jujutsu world to know that it isn't easy. But Geto made quick work of becoming an adept sorcerer, one who could keep up with the likes of Satoru Gojo even. Even as the strongest, he still must have had a bit of a bitter taste as he came to learn more of the world.

Geto is humble. Such that he earns respect and admiration from Nanami and Haibara respectively. His technique, almost an ill fit for someone who sought to be so pure, so noble, is unpleasant but it bestows such great power upon him. I imagine he had to rationalize it somehow. The sacrificial means to a suitable end in his mind. He is polite (but can absolutely be a little shit) and tries not to let being the strongest get to his head, frequently chastising Gojo for his behavior. But this practice of being humble in the face of such obvious power eventually creates a situation where he feels he is owed.

Geto has an inalienable sense of responsibility. It lends itself to his humility and keeps his moral compass pointed due north. Moreover, its what informs Gojo's reliance on his judgement. His worldview is simple, human even. Those who are strong are meant to protect. I think it further gives meaning to his discomfort every time he uses his technique. As if to say "in order to protect, I must suffer. Because I have great strength, I must be prepared to sacrifice,". This A + B = C mentality only works in a simple world without variables. But the world is unfair, curses are unpredictable and, sometimes, humans can be monsters. So when his worldview changes, it fractures something deep within him because of his simple but unyielding principles and inability to accept the world for what it is: a sea of gray.

DYNAMIC

They diametrically complement one another by design. In many ways, they differ to an extreme that begs the question of how they ever found any middle ground. But they did. And there was love. Or affection should you prefer. But it didn't make a lick of difference.

[xomaleyaxo]

Echoes of the Past → Blackpink 5th Member

Synopsis: As old wounds begin to heal and memories of happier times resurface, they find themselves drawn to one another once again. (Broken Melodies PT 2)

Word count: 5.5K

February 2nd 2022

Three years. That’s how long it had been since the dreaded phone call that changed her life forever. She had moved on, of course, enjoying her time getting back into the dating scene, meeting new people, and getting to know them. Yet, she never felt the same way she did with him. Maybe it was because he was her first love or because they were best friends before anything else, but she couldn’t get him out of her mind, even three years later. She knew he would linger there, with the countless "what ifs" swirling in her mind, but she never expected to still feel the same love for him as she did all those years ago.

She still checked up on him through their mutual friends and asked around if they had heard from him, but nobody really knew much. Even if they did, they knew better than to bring him up too often, aware of the hurt she felt when he broke up with her. They tried to comfort her by saying he was planning to come back after handling all the legal stuff, and that calmed her.

When he finally made his much-awaited return to music, she was probably the proudest person ever. He returned to music after establishing his own company, and she couldn't have felt more amazed by him. She was happy that he didn't let his mistakes change him and ruin his passion for music, and she was glad that he was doing alright.

She missed him. She never stopped missing him, but now that he was in the news for his comeback and his songs were being played once again, she couldn't help her heart from aching to talk to him.

She knew she could never be with him romantically, especially after all that had happened between them, but her heart ached to just talk to him, to be like they were before their relationship. They truly had the purest friendship, always being each other's biggest cheerleaders, and often talked about having their own companies one day. Seeing him accomplish that dream tugged at her heartstrings and brought back all the memories she had hidden in the back of her mind.

"A little message wouldn't hurt, right?" she asked her sister on the phone as the topic of his return came up. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" her sister questioned, concern evident in her voice. She knew of the massive heartbreak her sister had experienced all those years ago and feared that reopening communication with him might lead to getting attached to him again.

"I'm not going back to him. Whatever we had is in the past. I just miss my friend," she explained sadly. She knew they would never get back to those ways again, but a little message wouldn't hurt. Besides, they never got the closure they needed. She needed this to finally let those feelings go.

"Alright, if you think that's the best idea, go ahead," her sister conceded, knowing that once Mirae made up her mind, it was hard to sway her. As their phone call ended, Mirae decided to contact him on Instagram.

Her hands shook slightly as she stared at his profile. After all these years, she didn't even know what to say. Should she send a long message, or was that too much? Should she just start with a hello? No, that's too short. She pondered it for many moments until finally, she sent the message and closed her phone, throwing it onto the couch.

M: Congrats on the label and new EP :)

Her message was small and to the point, and she hoped that he would respond. However, she also didn't know what she would do if he did. She waited patiently for a response, and it wasn't until a couple of hours later that she got one.

H: Thank you. It's been a while. How has everything been? :)

She smiled slightly at the message, happy to finally be talking to him again, and responded quickly.

M: Things have been amazing right now. Preparing for a comeback soon! How is everything for you? Family doing alright?

H: Family is amazing, and I've been doing great as well. Haven't been this happy in a while. It's nice to be back.

M: That's so nice to hear. I'm so happy for you, you know that, right? Truly, it makes me so happy that you have put that stuff behind you and are back doing what you love.

H: I kept a promise to you, didn't I? It was so tough, I'm not gonna lie, but it feels like it's paid off now that I can make the music I want on my own label.

M: The luxury of having your own label lol. I'm jealous.

H: It'll be you one day, don't worry, Mirae. Anyways, I would love to meet you one day just to catch up in person? I do have a lot of things to say to you, but it all depends on you. I understand if you wouldn't want to.

M: I'm free on Sunday? Before practice if you're available then?

H: Sunday sounds good. I'll see you then.

Their chat ended quickly, leaving Mirae feeling both ecstatic and anxious. On one hand, she was finally going to meet the man she had waited years to see. She was nervous about the conversation they were going to have, yet excited to see Hanbin—her Hanbin, her goofy, charming Hanbin who used to make her laugh on days when she wanted to cry. The Hanbin who would write her little songs, turning her insecurities into the most amazing poetic verses.

She was finally going to see him again, but was she ready to possibly reopen those feelings? She didn't know. But she did know that she needed to go and finally find some type of closure.

The anticipation made her heart race. Memories of their time together flooded her mind—the way he used to serenade her with his guitar, how they would stay up late talking about their dreams, and the countless moments they shared that made her feel cherished. Could they ever go back to being friends, or would the past continue to haunt them?

Mirae took a deep breath, determined to face whatever came next. She knew that confronting these emotions was the only way to move forward. As Sunday approached, she prepared herself to meet Hanbin, hoping to find closure and perhaps rekindle a friendship that once meant the world to her.

February 6th 2022

Sunday had arrived, and her nerves were kicking in. She was so anxious she couldn't even sleep the night before. She hadn't told anyone about the meeting, knowing they would probably say it was a bad idea to meet him so quickly. But she didn't care. She needed this desperately. She needed to see him.

Their breakup had been over the phone, so the last time she really saw him was when they were a couple. How could she not take up the chance? The thought of seeing him again after all these years was overwhelming, but it was also something she had to do for herself. She needed closure, and perhaps a new beginning—one way or another.

As she got ready, she could barely keep her hands steady. Every part of her was filled with anticipation and dread. Would he be the same? Would he have changed? She wondered if he felt the same way, if he was just as anxious to see her. The clock seemed to tick louder with each passing minute, and before she knew it, it was time to leave.

With one last look in the mirror, she took a deep breath and stepped out of her apartment. This was it—the moment she had been waiting for. No matter what happened, she was ready to face it head-on.

The pair decided to meet up at a restaurant near her place and had booked a private room to ensure nobody could be around and possibly see them together.

She walked into the room and saw his face, instantly starting to tear up as the emotions from all those years ago resurfaced, threatening to spill from her eyes. Hanbin noticed immediately and had to hold back his own tears as he saw her standing there, eyes glistening with emotion.

"Hey," he whispered, coming toward her as she stood frozen in place, unable to move. "Hi," she said softly, patting her under-eyes, embarrassed by how easily she started to tear up upon seeing him. All Hanbin wanted to do at that moment was hug her, but he knew he couldn't. She was already emotional just from seeing him, and he didn't want her to start crying into his chest. If that happened, he knew he wouldn't be able to let her go.

He knew he had to keep his distance, at least for now, so he gently rubbed her shoulder as she gathered herself. He led her to their table, pulling out her chair for her to sit, then took a seat in front of her. His heart was racing; he never expected this conversation to happen, yet here it was. The love of his life, whom he had lost because of his own mistakes, was sitting right in front of him, and all he could think about was apologizing for how it all ended.

She sighed, finally gaining control over her emotions, and offered him a small smile as she noticed the solemn look on his face. She knew he felt terrible, and that wasn't what she wanted at all. Seeing him for the first time in years and knowing that he was okay—after all he had endured—was so reassuring for her that she couldn't help but tear up. He looked amazing, healthier than he was when they were together. His face appeared more mature, and he seemed so much older, which tugged at her heart a little. But she was grateful that he was here and doing well.

The pair stared at each other, unsure of what to say. They had yearned for this moment for so long that now that it was here, they were at a loss for words.

After a few moments of silence, Hanbin finally cleared his throat and said, "I never would have expected this to happen, but I'm so thankful you decided to come out today. There are so many things I want to get off my chest, and I truly want to apologize for everything that happened between us and how horribly it ended."

Mirae nodded at his words and said, "Honestly, I've been waiting for this moment for so long, and I'm so glad it's happening. Truly, seeing you here today makes me so happy. Regardless of how it ended, just knowing you're okay makes me so grateful that it all turned out well for you."

The pair then ordered their food and began to talk about what they had been up to since their breakup. Hanbin shared about his trial and everything that went down, and he talked about his little sister, who Mirae was close with in the past, and how much she had grown and was becoming her own little person. Mirae discussed all the things Blackpink had accomplished, how she was preparing for their next comeback, and her own family life, as Hanbin was also close with her siblings.

As they talked about their families, a wave of sadness overcame them. Once, they had been so intertwined with each other’s lives, sharing everything and knowing each other's families like their own. It was hard to believe how much had changed, and now they found themselves as exes, catching up on the years they had missed. The intimacy they once took for granted now felt distant, and the realization of how much they had drifted apart hit them both deeply.

Hanbin also talked about his return to music and how he nearly gave up on it until he remembered the promise he made to her all those years ago. He decided not to let his fears stand in the way of the thing he loved most—his craft.

"I honestly want to thank you for that," he said to her. "I was ready to quit and leave it all behind, but knowing you were waiting made me push forward. I wish I could have talked to you about it, because you were always that person for me. We shared that dream of starting our own companies and doing things our own way, free from interference together."

"I'm just so happy that you did it," she said, smiling brightly for the first time. "131 is so clever and fits you perfectly. Although I wish I could have been there, seeing you achieve everything despite all those setbacks makes me incredibly proud and happy, truly, Hanbin."

Hanbin smiled and thanked her, his heart racing as he stared at her. She looked almost exactly the same, but there was a new sense of maturity about her. Her eyes no longer twinkled as they once did, and her cheeks had lost some of their roundness, likely due to her demanding schedule. Her nails, which used to be adorned with cute designs, were now painted a plain baby pink. Her ears, once lined with numerous earrings, now only had two, leaving the other holes bare.

He felt a wave of sadness as he thought about everything she must have endured over the years. He imagined the tears she had shed and the pain she must have felt when he called her during her tour to end things abruptly, leaving her to handle it alone. Hanbin had his own challenges, but he couldn't help questioning if he had handled things the right way. She would never blame him for it, but all Hanbin could do was blame himself. She deserved the world, and all he had given her was heartbreak.

Mirae noticed his silence and the deep thought etched on his face. She knew he must be feeling a lot of remorse for how everything had unfolded that day, but she didn’t want him to dwell on his own anger and regret. It had been a horrible situation, but she was grateful that it was all behind them now.

Time passed as they caught up on the past few years. The conversation flowed smoothly, which was a pleasant surprise for both of them, as the awkwardness they had expected was absent.

"So, have you dated anyone since then?" she asked, cringing slightly at her own question as soon as it left her lips. Hanbin smiled at her question and replied, "Honestly, no. There was one person, but nothing really came of it."

"What about you?" he asked softly.

"There were a few people," she said, nodding as she spoke. Then she made a small frown. "But honestly, besides one person, they didn't really last long."

Hanbin nodded and asked, "What about that one person? Are they still in your life?"

"No, we broke up," she said. "It was a nice relationship, but we wanted different things and were in different places in life."

Hanbin nodded, appreciating her openness. If he was honest with himself, it stung a bit to hear she had been happy with someone else, but he couldn't bring himself to be angry. She deserved so much love and happiness, and it was only right that she moved on.

"I know its not nice to hear about these things" She said wanting to change the topic away from their love life instantly, regretting ever bringing it up.

"No, it's not," he said truthfully, then continued, "But it makes me happy that you moved on. I never wanted you to be hung up on me. You deserve to find love, and I know I can never be that person for you anymore."

Mirae frowned, not expecting his comment to affect her as much as it did. She knew he was right, but now that he was sitting in front of her, having dealt with all his past mistakes, was she wrong to wish they could start again? To pick up where they left off and continue their relationship?

"Speaking about our love lives," she said before pausing for a moment. She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. "I just want you to know that I don't have any ill feelings about our breakup at all."

Hanbin nodded, looking down slightly. He sighed, appearing as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"Do I hate the fact that it was on the phone? Yes. But do I hate you for that? No, absolutely not. How could I? You went through the most horrible time and had to let go of so many things. Everything you worked for was in jeopardy. How could I feel angry at you for doing that?" she said, her eyes tearing up once again as she thought about the past.

"You may not blame me for that, but I do," he said, noticing her sadness. "I shouldn't have done it like that, and I know it may not affect you, but I saw those clips of you on tour crying, and I felt horrible. Yes, I decided to leave everything and everyone, but none of you deserved to be told like that. I was just worrying about your careers that I didn't think about how it would affect you mentally, especially because after that phone call, I blocked you and erased you completely from my life." Hanbin started to tear up before continuing.

"I thought I was protecting you guys without thinking about how much I was hurting you and myself. I wanted to unblock your number and message you every day, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't imagine you ever talking to me again, especially after the mess I made of things. I was so shocked to even see your message on Instagram. Never would I have thought you would forgive me for any of that, and honestly, you don't have to. I apologize, Mirae, so much for all of that, and I don't want your forgiveness. I just want you to know that I feel so much remorse for all of that." His tears were falling freely now, and he tilted his head down, apologizing profusely.

Her tears were falling down her face now too. Though she had moved on and forgiven him for it all, it felt nice to hear him apologize. He shouldn't have had to, but he did, and it just showed how much of an amazing person he was.

"You know what the hardest part of all this was?" she said, wiping her tears and gently reaching for his hand on the table, holding it softly and prompting him to look up at her.

"It was not being able to talk to you. I knew you needed someone there, and I saw how stubborn you were about letting anyone in. I just wished I could have been that person for you. I’m so glad you got through it all, and I’m incredibly proud of you for that, but I just wish you could have still talked to me, because I needed it too."

"You were my best friend," she said, her voice choking up. "There were times when I’d forget everything that had happened and think, 'Oh, let me text Hanbin about this.' And then I’d remember, and it would hit me all over again that I could never talk to you."

Hanbin frowned and looked down, unable to meet her gaze as he couldn’t bear to see her tears.

"And I asked everyone about you and how you were doing. Just hearing that you were okay would make my whole day so much better," she added softly.

"Im sorry" He said softly and she sighed and shook her head at that and let go of his hand.

"No truly" He said looking up and reaching for her again. He grabbed her fingers lightly.

“Stop apologizing,” she said, wiping the tears from her face.

“I can’t,” he said truthfully, wiping his own tears. “How can I, after hearing all that?”

"It wasn’t to make you feel bad," she said, her voice trembling. "It was me telling you that despite everything, I just wanted my best friend back. I missed you—I missed us. We had eight years of friendship, Hanbin. Eight years, and even though it ended in a breakup, I still hoped you wouldn’t cut me off completely. I thought we’d still be able to confide in each other. We were each other's go-to people, and instead, I had to hear from everyone else about what you were doing when I used to be the first to know."

“What else can I say except ‘I’m sorry’?” he said softly.

She sighed, frustration evident on her face. She didn’t need more apologies; she needed him to acknowledge what had happened and commit to being different. Was she foolish to hope for their friendship to be rekindled? To believe that they could put the past behind them and move forward as friends? Or was she asking for too much?

“What do you want me to say?” he asked, releasing her hand and leaning back in his chair. He found it hard to read her now, something that used to come so easily. It was strange how much time had passed and how different she had become.

"I just," she said, pausing to take a deep breath before continuing, "I just wish you would stop apologizing and just listen. I don’t need an apology, Hanbin. I know you feel remorse; I know it. But I’m sick of the ‘I’m sorrys.’ I just want you to never shut me out like that again. Until that happens, I won’t know that you’re truly sorry.”

"So you wish to be friends?" he asked, shock evident in his voice.

"Of course. Why wouldn’t you want to be?" she replied, a mix of surprise and embarrassment colouring her tone.

"I just didn’t expect you would want that," he said honestly.

She smiled at him softly and replied, "Hanbin, before it all, you were my best friend. I just need you back in my life. Everything has changed so much since you’ve been gone, and I need some stability again. It won’t be the same as it was, and I don’t think either of us can handle that, but I do need you around, even if it’s just to chat sometimes."

Hanbin smiled at her, his mood instantly lifting. "That was the one thing I wasn’t expecting, but I’m so happy you wish for that. And as much as I may wish to go back to how it was, I know we can never be like that again. I’m just grateful to even be a little bit back in your life," he said.

The pair then smiled and continued to chat, eventually turning to the topic of their music. Mirae decided to share the various songs she had written about him, each one capturing a different moment in their relationship.

She played the different songs she had recorded on her phone and silently watched as she payed attention to his face and how he reacted towards them.

"The Other Side" was being played, and as Hanbin listened to the lyrics, his heart beat faster and faster. The emotions she had poured into the song tugged at his heartstrings, and it felt as if he couldn't breathe while listening to it. The song was so raw and saddening to hear that he bowed his head, trying not to tear up as the song hit the chorus. She was brilliant, he thought, as the two-minute recording ended, leaving a heavy silence between them.

"That's the one I had the most difficulty recording," she said softly before closing her phone and watching him as he raised his head and stared at her.

"It was beautiful," he said, smiling sadly. "It truly is a great song, and I can't wait to hear it one day," he added with more conviction, and Mirae smiled at that. His approval was what she needed to hear.

Hanbin then played his own song "Take Care" for her, explaining how he wrote it while thinking about her and his former group members. He played a minute of the recording he had so far, his fingers lightly tapping the table to the beat.

Mirae listened intently, her expression changing as she absorbed the lyrics. He was talking about how they should take care and release all their memories of him, but how could they? After everything they’d shared? Kim Hanbin was someone they could never forget, and it saddened her to hear the song and imagine how he must have felt while recording it.

As the song ended she looked at him sadly, "You really thought we could just forget you?" she asked softly, her voice tinged with disbelief.

Mirae shook her head, reaching across the table to touch his hand. "You were never a burden. You meant so much to us, and you still do," she said, her voice filled with warmth and sincerity. "I hope you know that."

Their eyes met, and in that moment, a silent understanding passed between them. Hanbin then nodded, and the pair gently let go of each other's hands. Though the sadness lingered in the air, they chose to push it aside and focused on finishing their meal while talking about other things happening in their lives.

As they finished up their meal and parted ways, both looked back on their conversation with a smile.

A sense of peace settled over them as they made their way outside and headed in their own directions. The conversation had been a whirlwind, allowing them to reflect on their past while finding solace in the present and realizing that, despite everything, they had made it through.

The air was crisp, and though their past had left its mark, it no longer held them captive. They were moving forward, their paths diverging from what had once been, embracing the new possibilities ahead. Both felt a bittersweet clarity: the love they once shared would always be a part of their history, but it was the future that now beckoned them.

With a final glance back, they understood that while the past would always linger as a gentle echo, it no longer overshadowed their present or future. As they stepped into new beginnings, they carried with them the lessons of the past, looking forward to what lay ahead, free from the shadows that once defined them.

A/N: Been so long but I am back!!! Going to go back and update some of my past works but please enjoy this Part 2. Lowkey wanted to make him her endgame because this broke me so bad but it is just forcing me to make another Mingyu fic because we all know he is her true lover boy. Anyways hope you enjoyed and please give any feedback you may have!!!