#I'm getting worse.
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(( honest fucking mood right now.
I refuse to explain in true detail. but THEY fucking GET IT. ))
#REGARDS: MOD 💜 💙#not asks#mental health vent#vent ish#non specific vent#HABIT kin#Evan Myers kin#emh kin#the only context you get is i spiraled again. MUCH WORSE THIS TIME. over something TINY.#I'm getting worse.#I should get fucking help...#like actually get help instead of hiding it all from everyone and hoping it naturally fades#i don't think these spirals are going to fade any time soon.#i think there's something wrong with me#fucking hell. i don't want “help”#i doubt they'll actually help#it'll only be fucking temporary#eventually I'll ALWAYS return to this low...#this fucking toxic self loathing self destructive overdramatic low#no one fucking knows they happen except me and whoever reads these fucking posts#and no one knows what they really ARE. because I got too fucking good at hiding them#I LOVE MY LIFE <333
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Spent a ridiculous amount of time last night obsessively editing my hand written zines in Photoshop to take away any tiny blemishes so they were definitely readable.
Whatever. Understand or don't.
#I can't always read hyper-neat cursive. Doctors get away with being worse than me.#I'm allowed to be messy#nariart#1 sheet zine#mini zine#8 page zine#zines#zine#Taking time to write slowly enough to be understood was a special kind of torture in school.#My brain was going 100 km/h and I couldn't keep up and also be legible.#Now I can take my time and take breaks. But I still have that little voice in my head.#narizine#nariwrites
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why do you guys talk like you think not voting means no one gets elected
#atlas entry#you're all so stupid g-d bless#“I'm not voting for Trump OR Biden! They both suck!” okay well one of them is gonna be our future president no matter what#like get you think things can't get any worse under Trump than they already are. You're wrong and stupid but I get it#might as well vote against the guy who has Nazis sieg heiling at his rallies
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#honestly.....#I'm so sad I didn't get to see them#cause the sky was so cloudy where I live???#and they were visible here in portugal so it makes things WORSE!#northern lights
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You know I used to think "tumblr's absolute refusal to actually engage with the Trolley Problem in favor of insisting that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is just a short-sighted idiot is really fucking annoying, but I guess it's not actually doing any harm".
Anyway that was before we asked tumblr at large to decide between "guy aiding a genocide but making progress elsewhere" and "guy who would actively and enthusiastically participate in a genocide and would also make everything else much, much worse for everyone elsewhere" and the response was that there must be a third, morally pure option that doesn't require them to make a hard decision and that anyone who asks them to make a binary choice is a short-sighted idiot.
#there is not a third option. it is either trump OR biden#and one of those will be much MUCH worse for palestine#i'm really really sorry that these are the options. i wish they weren't.#but WHAT third option are you trying to take here? what on earth is your proposed outcome#that will actually make things better for palestine?#because letting trump win the election is NOT going to help them#i'm sorry but you need to set aside your feelings and take the option that will lead to less harm to palestine in the long run#you talk such a big game about how people need to be willing to make sacrifices to help palestine#but you yourself aren't even willing to hold your nose and vote to stop things from getting worse?#or did you think 'sacrifice' only meant not getting mcdonalds for a few months?#us politics
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pls assume i'm thinking about this moment 24/7 all week every week
#ahsjgdh i love the young xianle quartet sm they're almost barely not traumatized...kinda#they're very silly especially in retrospect#aaa i do also really want to draw young xie lian and mu qing but the idea of rendering that much gold detailing sounds like hell ywy#i'll do it but christ alive#my art#fanart#tgcf#tgcf fanart#tgcf spoilers#technically#also i haven't read past book 3 for now ywy#tian guan ci fu#heaven official's blessing#feng xin#hua cheng#...he gets one tag bc i'm not keeping track of all the aliases#every time i draw hc his hair gets worse and worse#my man has not seen a hairbrush in the past 800 or so years of his existence
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shoutout to people who don't have a "before" the trauma.
shoutout to people who don't have any sweet or nostalgic childhood memories. to people who don't remember enough of their childhood to know what the before was like. to people who lost their innocence before they ever learned the word for it. to people whose pasts were too painful to keep around in any form. to people who only knew trauma, and don't have an idea of what life would be like without it. to people who can't long for "the better days" because there weren't any.
you deserve a good future. i hope it's there for you soon.
#trauma#ptsd#childhood trauma#sorry just. feeling shitty about not having a past anymore#and please i'm so tired please for the love of god don't tag this with self deprecating shit like 'but i dont deserve anything'#you're only feeding into your mental health getting worse and you're using other peoples attempted positivity to do it#its just mean to both you and the op
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black cat bitches, we've finally won.
#I CAN FINALLY HAVE A CAT LIKE MY IRL ONE IN THE GAME WITHOUT MODS!!!!#anyways i'm starting a new file for the update we'll see how far i get#so if you guys don't hear me for a few hours... uh this is why#worse comes to worst i won't get far & i'll just have to wait until the update comes out for switch to see the new content#since i already have most of the game completed on there#stardew valley#mj.txt
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I don’t know if there really is any science behind workout routines separated by sex, but even if there is benefit to doing exercise “for women” i don’t give a shit. and i will intentionally seek out guides made For Men. because by and large, this is how the different video thumbnails shake out
#especially when you are explicitly looking at strength training but the focal point of the thumbnail is still thinness#and the girl always in something of this type of pose.#if there's a dude in the thumbnail w his shirt off also he's facing the camera directly and looking Bulky as fuck#so even that doesn't compare At All#but half the time it is literally a guy just talking. in the thumbnail.#anyway if you want to be strong as a Wamen you need to wear tight little yoga shorts first#sergle.txt#i'm not trying to get sexy i'm trying to get strong. killing you killing you killing you#I realize that fitness IN GENERAL is very Thinness and Attractiveness-centric but it's worse if you type 'for women'
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i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
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Since book 7 part 5 (the part where we meet Meleanor/Maleanor 👀) is coming to EN this month, i would love to see your take on lilia’s proposal to meleanor! i mean they were like little kids right? it couldn’t have been that serious…i think the only reason she even brought it up again is because she could tell lilia still genuinely loved her…(even if he didn’t realize it himself?) but, oh well! Let’s think about silly childhood shenanigans to numb the pain! ^_^ (orz)
oh shit?! get ready for a doozy guys, it's comiiiiiing ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ
I chickened out of posting the whole thing (look, I get VERY carried away when it comes to these wacky kids and their Tragedy), but I do believe that it probably ended with Lilia getting embarrassed and just shoving the first thing he sees into his mouth to try and cover for it.
(we're just lucky it wasn't a frog this time)
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 5 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 5 spoilers#please excuse the Dissertation that's about to happen (i have too much headcanon about them)#they've been ambiguous about most of the fae aging/developmental stages (plus lilia and mel's species age differently)#so this is entirely me assuming based on context#but i think that lilia being ~99 was probably about the equivalent of 9-10ish?#(i don't think his age maps perfectly onto 'human age times 10') (if only because i absolutely do not believe general lilia is 29)#(but in this case it feels right to me)#and i think of meleanor as being just slightly older (like ~11-12ish)#so like...kids but not LITTLE-little kids#so i think lilia was serious in a 'i have a huge crush on you and i haven't thought beyond that' kind of way#and meanwhile mel was more cognizant of how their dynamic was basically#lilia: i would die for you#meleanor: that's dumb#(lilia 600 years later: man she was right. that was dumb.)#but yeah I think she might've assumed (or hoped) he would grow out of it#except whoops oh no it just got worse#and then raverne made things MORE complicated and you know honestly maybe getting murdered was kind of a relief#meleanor in heaven: well at least he won't accidentally raise my kid to have the exact same -- are you kidding me#(i have too many thoughts to express properly i'm sorry) (i just. love these morons a lot okay.)
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thinking about a world in which RR actually committed to the path he set Percy on in hoo (wherein Percy has become jaded, angry, and resentful at the gods for breaking their sworn promises, is frequently sympathizing with Luke, is getting more and more powerful, and frequently losing himself to wrath) and instead of the subsequent Percy Jackson books being about getting recommendation letters, we could have gotten a trilogy exploring a fallen hero arc for Percy (that would ultimately have a positive resolution to it.)
#to be clear I'm not asking for a tragic ending lol#I'd want this to ultimately be a happy ending for Percy#(even if it gets much worse before it gets better)#im looking for something that actually explores and expands upon the clear distress and turmoil and resentment#that Percy is BARELY able to suppress at this point#im looking for something that will actually hold the gods responsible for breaking their promises#but that would require RR to write a definitive end for Percy and co's stories#which he'll never do#so Percy will just continue to spiral and spiral and spiral#and there will never be any meaningful emotional resolution to it#I hate it here#pjo#percy jackson#mine
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tarpit site.
#personal#delete later#for context a tweet i made in the middle of the night blew the fuck up and brought the attention of anime fans who've been#harassing and hassling me about my big factual blunder for an entire day straight#“ok i'll apologize” “bro it's not that serious.”#“you're right it's not that serious“ ”why won't you just admit that you're wrong and apologize!“#i'm not going crazy right. i feel like i'm getting manipulated into thinking i must've been wrong#it's crazy how twitter hate will trick you into believing saying something someone else disagrees with is a moral failing#sorry i haven't seen frieren i guess but what's it to you. i wasn't making a claim or statement#also because nobody has gotten this in the original post i wasn't talking about the quality of animation i'm talking about solid drawing#which is a very specific principle of animation. dandandan has really good solid drawing wherein all the characters are animated#with realistic and proportional 3d depth. newsflash but trigger doesn't prioritize solid drawing in their animation and that's fine#it's an aesthetic choice and has ties to production limits. none of this is a big deal. this is all so stupid lol#i've dealt with worse and more annoying weebs though it's fine i'll put on my clown nose twitter needs their stupid guy for the day#oh btw at the end of the day this doesn't matter. it'll be over by tomorrow. all that's happening is petty angry emotions.#so please don't involve yourself by jumping into the argument and prolonging this shit#i'm about to go on a date with tulli after being apart for a month this is the furtherest thing from my mind rn
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someone: are you okay
me: so in 1964 john lennon wrote one of his only love ballads, "if I fell" and called it auto biographical even though it doesn't match w any of his public relationships. the lyrics can easily be flipped to be about him pining for someone already in a relationship with a woman which would most likely be a man (as seen in "across the universe" where they did the song from a woman's pov to a man without changing the lyrics and it still worked). he wrote the full lyrics for the first time on the inside of a valentines day card and in the corner you can see his handwriting that says "to: paul with love" with an arrow pointing inside and some doodled hearts. it was auctioned off in the 2000s, but the description only says it was written on a plane on a card "given to paul" as a spare paper, not acknowledging the little dedication with the hearts. years later he referred to it as a "silly love song," referring back to paul's song that was in turn referring to his mocking comments. and that's why he's a fa-
#all of my friends the last two days having to hear me rant about this#and only get worse when I zoomed in and found that dedication and almost threw up#I'm sorry mutuals you're all suffering w me#block every mention u can think of I'm going Crazy#mclennon
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One of the things that pisses me off about MWIII and the lead up to it so bad is that whole "Oh I wasn't in the tank" thing around Graves.
Because it takes away from my success as a player and its just dumb.
But more importantly because Activision for some reason decided to play it like "Look at Soap being so dumb thinking he killed Graves, isn't he a ridiculous little man?" while Graves is given the "strong survivor" treatment by them.
Soap took out a tank.
Without dedicated gear.
He survived multiple assault teams while at it too. Not just survived, he took them out as well.
And then blew up a tank with nothing but some C4 to a point where no one in it could have survived.
Like he did that and you're telling me Graves wouldn't be fucking afraid of running into that guy again? If being in a tank can't save you from his wrath you're telling me he ever felt safe around him?
Nah. No way. We deserved to see him flinch the moment Soap enters the picture. To keep to the other side of the room. Trying his best to work with anyone but him.
Soap is unhinged and highly dangerous, or he would have waited for his chance to piss off instead of fighting that thing but he gets treated like instead of letting loose of his anger over the betrayal he was just a big dumb dumb and everyone else was in on the joke.
Like fuck man. That also means the player is seen in the same way, like you thought you just won a cool boss battle? Oh you stupid little player, that was for nothing and we're gonna take that feeling of success back. Games don't need to be gratifying, do they?
Actually that probably could be MW3s whole title.
#mw3 was such a heap of shit its still making me angry a year later#the fact that they just invalidated so much of mw2 is just part of it#but like i could rant for days and i shant#anyway I'm not going to because i just got up#soap is alive and well and he will haunt the fuckers at activision if i have any say in it#If they think I'll stop shipping they are so fucking wrong I'll just get worse about it#ghostsoap#soapghost#john soap mactavish#cod mwii#cod mw2#cod
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it's cute that spotify thinks i'll let them price gouge me just for the "convenience" of their app
it's gonna take some work to update my old harddrive library of ripped mp3's with all the new songs i've found over the past 5 years of using spotify, but it'll be so worth having a working shuffle button and all the vocaloid and video game songs i want again (•̀ᴗ•́)و
#suck my nuts spotify#seriously you're gonna charge me $17/month to “keep the service great” when the service is already ass to begin with#why do you need to charge me more money for an app that's getting worse lmao#you can't even fucking shuffle properly#and at least with media player i won't randomly lose access to entire albums just because their contracts expired or w/e#neil young i'm coming home#queued
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