#I'm embarassed about a lot of the things that young me did

[darkfrog24]

You forgot every adult in your life telling you your friends aren't annoyed/bored/hating you; you're just imagining it, undermining your own albiet limited attempts to learn said signals. See also screaming, "Don't ask me 'why are you upset?'! I'm NOOOOOT UPSEEEEEET!!"

every piece of ""autistic representation"" in hollywood sucks not just because of the infantalization and inspiration porn but because movie executives always fail to realize the real universal autistic experience: spending your childhood slowly and unfalteringly realizing all of your friends not so secretly hated and/or merely tolerated you at best and you've missed every social signal about it ever

[rosedpetal]

Let's Try Something New

Summary: Outraged by the horrible smut you were reading, Robert shows you how BDSM really is.

Pairing: Robert Chase x Wife!Reader

Word count: 1.6k

Warnings: smut, light bdsm (sorry if it's inaccurate, I'm just a vanilla girl)

Masterlist

You loved him with all your heart.

Not only that, he was a dream come true. Tall, handsome, blonde, broad and with a heart of gold. If Robert was a dog, he'd be a damn golden retriever. With his innocent blue eyes and easy smiles and suffocating affection.

To his friends and colleagues, your husband was the personification of a boy-next-door type, now turned a man with a license to practice medicine. Everything that was probably expected from him when he was young.

He was raised as a Catholic, for fucks sake, even taking the lengths of beginning his studies at seminary school when he was sixteen. Everything in him screamed safe.

You thought it was ironic.

Robert wasn't one to criticize your choice of entertainment, and he secretly knew you've read a lot of smutty books and fanfics on Tumblr. Apparently it was a popular thing amongst women. He's heard nurses talking (and they talked too damn much).

It happened while you were showering, washing your hair throughly, blissful unaware of the fact that Robert saw your book unattended in the coffee table and his curiosity took the best of him. A little peek wouldn't hurt, right?

He flicked through the pages, snorting at how inaccurate and unrealistically these scenes were written. Not only he knew the anatomy and biology like a pro (he was a doctor!) but he used to practice the very same stuff that was so poorly written in your pretentious little book.

It was all so-wrong.

He was so immersed in the horrors he was reading that he didn't notice you walking to the kitchen with a towel in your head and wearing your pajamas, ready to cook dinner. You thought it was weird, usually, he'd acknowledge you first thing. When you turned to look at him, you finally realized, in absolute horror, that he was reading the book you bought on Amazon days ago.

"Rob!" You let out a sound that resembled a squeal. "What are you doing?"

He looked up at you, trying to fight his smirk.

"Is this the kind of educational literature you buy with my hard earned money?"

Your face flushed with embarassment.

"Hey! I bought this with my money! And that's besides the point, I told you before to not snoop on my stuff."

"Because you're embarrassed of it?

"I-" You stopped yourself, feeling your cheeks redden even more.

"I'm not mad that you're reading erotica. But babe, this is so poorly written. I'm actually disappointed." He put the book back on the coffee table, crossing his arms and looking at you. "It's all a load of bull-"

"Because it's kinky? Because it's BDSM?" You knew you were being defensive, but you couldn't help it.

"No. Because this stuff is not BDSM. This author has no idea what they're talking about and is trying to use the practice of BDSM to write their rapey scenes."

You tilted your head to the side. "Are you an expert on BDSM now?" Your eyes widened as you saw your very innocent husband's expression change to slight amused. Oh my-

"I've practiced it, years ago."

You couldn't believe it.

And he kept on rambling: "Well, first of all, BDSM is not something used to subdue women. Or to force kinky practices or shit like that. I mean, where's the fucking safe word here?"

"I'm sorry, when did your BDSM practice happen? Between leaving seminary and going to med school or..?" You couldn't help the question.

He scoffed at your little jab.

"Just let me know if you wanna see for yourself what the real thing is."

That had you speechless.

He was groping you aggressively, your little movie night turned into a heavy making out session the minute the credits started rolling in the screen. You whined, your breathing mixed, your cotton clothed core rubbing shamelessly against the tent in his sweatpants.

With an arm wrapped around your waist, he quickly rolled you, your back pressing on the couch as he towered over you.

He kissed down your neck, lips trailing butterfly kisses on your feverish skin.

"I wanna try."

He froze. "Try what?"

You rolled your eyes. "You know what. BDSM. Now."

He sighed, pulling back and sitting on the couch. "Babe, it doesn't work this way."

"Come again?"

"Honey, we have to talk about this first. Do you know what BDSM stands for? What are your limits? We have to establish a safe word, or if we'll use the color system..."

You sit up, trying not to sound frustrated. "Okay, Mr. expert in BDSM. Just tell me you think I'm too vanilla to handle it."

Robert rolled his eyes. "There's nothing wrong with being vanilla."

"I can be kinky!"

"Do you want this to prove a point or are you really interested?"

"I'm interested. I wanna know if my smutty books are really that shitty."

He snorted at that, brushing a strand of hair off your face. "You're okay with being tied up?"

"Yes."

"And blindfolded?"

"Yes."

"Can you choose a safeword for me?"

"Cookie?"

"Oh, I'd love one."

"Robert!"

"Sorry, baby... Okay, let's take this to the bedroom, okay?"

He followed you inside your shared bedroom, rummaging through a drawer on his nightstand and grabbing a medium box.

You probably looked funny, sitting in bed, half naked and politely waiting for Robert to get whatever he had planned for you. He grabbed a pair of handcuffs and in a very serious tone, said:

"Lay down and put your wrists above your head."

You obeyed, feeling the cold metal close around your wrists, safely tied around the headboard. You couldn't help but let out a nervous chuckle.

"Don't go Gerald's Game on me, please."

Robert's eyes lit up a little. You were so cute. He wanted to ruin you.

"Take your mind off everything else, and close your eyes for me, beautiful."

Unconsciously, you rubbed your thighs together. That voice and that accent? Should be illegal. The way he called you beautiful as he put a blindfold on you? Completely evil.

Robert hummed to himself as he dimmed the lights of the room and turned up the thermostat. He walked back to you, sitting down next to you, slowly trailing his fingertips on your body. You actually shivered, despite the room temperature.

He kissed down your body. Your neck, collarbones, your bare chest, your navel... Just as he was about to reach your panties, he kissed the way up again, wrapping an arm around you and lifting your torso slightly to kiss you.

It was surprisingly gentle, but still breathtaking, nonetheless. His lips slowly moved against yours, his tongue slowly making its way between your lips, and you let out a little whimper while he kissed you. He pulled back, his warm breath on you as his thumb brushed your swollen lips.

Then, the dance of kissing your body returned. This time, he gently bit on your nipple, giving your breast a small squeeze, lowering his mouth and licking your clothed core. It was embarrassing how soaked through you were, your panties ruined as he hooked his finger on the elastic and pushed the fabric to the side, his tongue finally making contact with your poor pussy.

"Open your mouth for me." He demanded in a rough tone and as soon as you obeyed, he stick two fingers inside your mouth. You moisted them with your saliva, and he retreated them, only to gently push them inside of you moments later.

Your chest was heaving as he kissed and sucked on your clit, rolling his tongue, curling his fingers inside you, the wet sounds music to his ears.

"Ow!" You gasped in surprise when he slapped your clit.

"Color?"

"Green..."

"Are you sure?"

"I was just surprised, okay? Green."

He chuckled as he could hear the pout in your voice, giving you another open finger slap on your swollen clit, his other hand scissoring you, making you arch your back.

Just as you were about to orgasm, he stopped.

"Wha-Why would you do that?" You asked, in an indignant tone.

"You didn't ask for permission, princess."

"Can I please, come?"

"You have to learn how to address me, too." Robert hummed, getting off the bed and taking off his pants, stroking himself. "Can you do that for me, honey? How do you call me when you're at my mercy like a whore?"

God, you knew you were gonna lose your goddamn mind.

"Hmmm, Sir?"

"That'll do for now." He says, towering over you, spreading your legs, making your stomach tighten with anticipation.

He aligned his tip in your wet entrance, his breath becoming irregular. Slowly, he rolled his hips, hands on your waist as he fucked you. The bed creaked slightly under your bodies, and he hiked your leg up, kissing your calf, never stopping.

"You always feel so good." He admits in a gruff tone, holding your leg against his chest as you desperately tried not to scream. "I can never get enough of you, baby girl."

"Sir, I need to come, please, please, can I come?" You cried out, already feeling it.

He'd let it slide this time. You were a beginner, after all.

"Yes, baby. Come for me. Show me what I do to you."

You clamped violently around him, squelching, wet walls milking his length, and he picked up his pace, the sound of your moans, your orgasm, all too much. His whole body tensed up as he spilled inside you, groaning, gently pulling out moments later.

He released your sore wrists from the handcuffs, taking the blindfolds off your eyes.

"That wasn't so bad." You jested, throat dry.

"Yeah, just you wait when I introduce you to the flogger."

The blush on your cheeks was rewarding as he pulled you in his arms again.

[saccharinescorpion]

i've been debating on whether to post about this but what the hell, it's relevant both to today's episode and the topic of people trying to smooth over the flaws of Dungeon Meshi characters.... so, uh, remember what i said yesterday about Laios forgetting the basics of human decency when interacting with Izutsumi

i was intially worried about people reading this scene in uhh certain ways but was thankful to see most fans were chill with it... before i realized that. uh. maybe people were being a little too chill

okay............ so,

1. for the record: i believe that it is clear from what we know about him and what we know about the entire series as a whole that, yes, Laios didn't have "untoward" intentions towards Izutsumi in this scene. there's even an aside in Izutsumi's profile in the Adventurer's Bible that says as much. he likely saw it in basically the same way Falin did when she was observing the reproductive organs of the caterpillar in that one scene. FOR THE RECORD this excuse would basically never fly in real life, but for Laios, it actually honestly makes sense... he has a habit of ignoring people's boundaries, he gets ahead of himself when it comes to learning about monsters... he didn't have bad intentions, no, but it doesn't change the fact that he's an adult man (not a [my face contorts with a great pain] "curious boy") who was being really invasive about a teenage girl's body. it was weird. it was 100% weird, lmao, i don't think fans are "lacking media literacy" by saying "uh yeah that was kind of creepy and inappropriate of Laios"

2. and i also don't think it's villifying ND people to say that. if i were to be honest, i would argue the whole "he's just a curious boy :(" thing is a lot more offensive to neurodivergent people. Laios clearly knows about the concept of bodily autonomy- he felt weird and bad about touching Marcille and Senshi in "intimate" ways just to heal them. literally one scene after this one he expresses embarassment about accidentally touching the leg of (who he thinks to be) Marcille. he very obviously possesses the capacity to understand why it would be inappropriate to observe a stranger's body like they were an animal. i can accept the explanation that his monster curiosity temporarily overpowered his "oh actually maybe i shouldn't try to get up close and person with this teenager who i literally just met," but that doesn't change that he had to be restrained from doing that. i'm not even saying he's a "bad person" or anything because of this scene- i just am baffled at the idea of fans being presented with the slightest bit of messiness (he was creepy to a young girl, however unintentionally) and jumping to try and "justify" it (he's just silly, he's socially awkward, he's autistic, he's a Curious Boy) and even mock others who rightfully point out that that was uncomfortable behavior. Laios was creepy to Izutsumi. he didn't mean to, but he did (and to be quite frank he was lucky to get off with a smack from Chilchuck and a blindfold)

3. "I would also ask" excuse me?

[jjkarmy091]

Second Best- Jungkook (part 4)

Summary: Being friends with someone who has your heart it’s already hard, let alone when that special someone ends up falling in love with your best friend, the one you think would never make anything to hurt you . Will you be able to ignore it and move on? what will happen when everything gets too much for you to handle?

Genre: Friends to lovers; angst; body insecurities; bullying; friend betrayel;

Pairing: Jungkook x female!reader

Note: Thank you so much for your love and support <3 If there is any mistakes I'm sorry. Let me know so I can correct it. Lots of love

After being there for a while, lost in his thoughts, he felt an arm around him. He didn't have to look back to know who it was.

“I was looking for you baby. Why did you leave like that? I mean I wasn't expecting it but I- ” Jungkook interrupted her  

“I saw Y/n just a few minutes ago. She told me to tell you she had someone waiting for her outside and she was leaving. Did you two come with anyone else?” 

“Y/n left? She didn’t say anything else? No, we came alone but got apart after. Maybe she followed our steps and decided to get some action for the night. I was starting to worry for her, I mean who doesn’t want to get laid once in a while?”  

Jungkook looked at Sewoon with discuss and took her arm off of him, paid for what he consumed and started to leave without saying anything else. Sewoon grabbed his hand but he quickly took it out. She looked so confused he started to laugh  

“Sewoon I- did you hear yourself back there? What does it matter if she gets laid or not? Why is that even on your mind? Aren't you worried about her? She left alone with someone neither you and I know. Are you-” 

“Why do you care so much Jungkook. Seriously, she’s an adult. If she left with someone was because she felt safe with that person. I’m sure she isn't thinking about you or me right now.” she approached him more and touched his buff chest “why don’t we do the same, hm. Let's leave, enjoy our night together. I missed you and I know you missed me too, let's -” 

“I’m not in the mood Sewoon. Honestly i just want to go home. This been a hell of a night and one to forget. Are you staying or want me to drop you off somewhere?” Sewoon’s face changed drastically. From a sweet and seductive expression to one Jungkook wasn't familiar with. He wasn't about to put up with it, so he said his goodbye and left on his motorcycle.  

-----------

Meanwhile Y/n, after that little fight with Jungkook finally found Lisa resting near a wall outside of the club. “I was wondering if I had to go get you” “sorry this guy messed with me and then Jungkook stepped in and it was a whole mess and -” 

“Wait wait, Jungkook? A male name you say?” she teased Y/n while she sighed “yeah like I said long story.” They started walking until they reached Lisa's car and got in, when she asked “do you wanna go to mine? Drink some wine, eat a lot of crappy food while you tell me all about this jungkook and what Sewoon has to do with it.” Lisa didn’t have to wait for Y/n’s answer since her big smile said enough. When they got to her apartment, Y/n’s mouth dropped to the floor. It was such a big and nice apartment, so cozy and simple while hers was so small she could barely move, but was the only thing she could pay for.  

Lisa went to grab two glasses and some rosé wine and ordered some Mcdonalds, then they sat on her comfortable white couch and y/n started to explain her situation. 

“It happened one day during winter. I had just started working at the coffee shop. It was very rainy and windy so it was almost empty, just two or three clients max. Sana, my work collegue, was on her break and I was organizing the cupcake counter when I saw this beatiful young guy walk in. I froze. I literally panicked Lisa, you have no idea. He was so gorgeous and I was full of flour on my clothes and face and I was alone at the time so i did what I do best, embarass myself” Talking about this Y/n could feel it like it was yesterday and smiled so lightly and genuinely. When was the last time this happened, she thought.

“Please tell me you didn’t say any jokes involving flour and cupcakes” Y/n gave her a tiny slap in the arm and laughed. "Pff who do you think I am? No I didn't do that, I did worse. literally hid myself under the balcony right in front of him, stayed there for a minute until he made a noise with his throat and asked me if I lost something and needed help finding it”  

Right there Lisa couldn’t control her laughter, placing her glass on the nearest table only to fall on the ground dying of laughter. Once it ceased she grabbed the glass of wine again, taking a few sips “you are unbelieveable Y/n. Thank you for making me laugh so much today. That happens when you revolve your life around others you know? But please continue don't let me stop you. I like where this is going” she mocked again.

Y/n rolled her eyes. Never has she been more embarassed in her life. “You’re supposed to make me feel better” she mumbled. “Well... After that, I got up so quickly that I almost fell. I apologized and said I dropped my earring and was looking for it. The best part? I don’t even have holes in my ears. But he didn’t say anything about it, pretty sure he noticed I was a nervous mess and dropped it before I could make it any worse. He gave me a big smile so I smiled back, asked him what his order was and then -" Suddenly you were interrupted by a knock on the door. Lisa got up and went to see if it was your order, got back inside with it and after settling everything on the table you started to eat. Never a meal tasted so good.

-----

A few minutes later Lisa speaks again “back to our convo, what happened? After you took his order”. Y/n sighed “you love to know everything don’t you?” she laughed “he asked for a cupcake and hot chocolate. He was always very kind even when I was being so weird you know? But he got me so nervous I didn’t want to have any more interaction with him so I tried to stall until Sana finished her break but she was taking so long and I noticed him taking some glances over, so I knew it had to be me. As I reached his table I tripped, leading me to drop the hot chocolate on him--- Gosh I shouldn't be telling you this. You’re gonna tease me for the rest of my life” 

“No wonder the dude got so hooked on you after. You did quite an introduction” Lisa said cleaning the tears coming out her eyes from laughing. “Poor guy just wanted a cupcake and ended up getting a burn”

“Don't even remind me. I thought it was it. I just burned a client and made a mess, I was sure I was gonna be fired. But Jungkook remained so calm, told me he was okay. I helped him and didn’t stop apologizing to him, told him I was new in there but that was no excuse so if he wanted to talk to the manager I'd understand and offered to pay any sort of damage. You know what he did? Turns to me and says I’m cute. I burned him and he called me cute. I lost it” 

“He seems like an amazing guy Y/n. I figure ever since that day he went back to the coffee shop ?” Lisa spoke softly 

“He did. After that incident I tried to avoid him so bad but he would always ask for me to Sana, leaving me with no other choice. We ended up getting close and I developed a huge crush on him that everyone knew about but him” Y/n gaze turns sad remembering the day Jungkook and Sewoon met.  

"So how did he meet Sewoon?” Lisa asked curious. “At the coffee shop. She passed by to tell me that she got in the agency she wanted and then Jungkook walked in. She knew about him and asked if that was the one I’ve been talking about. Then I went to see what he wanted to get and he asked me about my friend so I introduced them. Didn’t expect them to turn out a couple. Not like that . I think I was hoping that Sewoon would refuse, knowing that I had a crush on him and that we were quite close.”

“So she knew and still went for him? That little bitch. I knew she wasn't as good as she seemed” Lisa said irritated. “She asked me. One night she appeared in my house and asked me if I still liked him. I was the one who told her to go for it.” Y/n said with tears already forming in her eyes. Lisa approached her and gave her the longest hug, patting her back. “still Y/n, that’s very low of her. It’s girls code. Did you ever told her no?” Your silence was the answer she needed. “God Y/n I’m trying so hard not to diss you right now. When are you gonna put yourself first? When are you gonna stop behaving like someone else's puppet? Be honest with me, do you like your life?” 

That rang a bell in Y/n’s ears. No she didn’t. She wanted to visit places, have fun, be herself, leave that place she called home and stop working in the coffee shop just to focus on her dreams. She was about to answer but Lisa got ahead of her. “You know what? Take some days off. Let’s have a girls trip you and me. I’m bored here and you need a way out of this whole mess. It’s time for you to find yourself Y/n.” “I don’t have any money for that Lisa. It’s hard for me to pay the rent let alone go on a trip”

“Move in with me. It’s just me in here and as you see, this house is huge. And no one told you anything about paying. Pretty sure you don’t remember but my dad works in an airplane company. Think about it.” Lisa exclaimed super enthusiastic  

Before Y/n could answer, her phone started to ring. She looked over “Jungkookie”

“Are you gonna pick up?”

“No. No I’m not. You're right Lisa I have to start doing things for me. Put myself first" she looked over the window "About your idea, I’m in. Book us a flight. Tomorrow morning I’ll talk to the my manager. I never took days of so it won't be a problem. Let's do it” 

" I knew you were gonna say yes. Get ready because this trip is gonna be life changer" Lisa said making a toast with Y/n. Here comes a new opportunity. You wouldn't less this one miss.

Not anymore

Next

Tags: @esposadomd @joonlover1207 @eegyo @furrywonderlandwolf @minghaosimp @differentrunawayperson @nikkinikj @jksusawife

[cheekycheesecake01]

While I'm doing that Salesman request, how about some Submissive James Sunderland headcanons to hold you over? (I desperately wanna finish this game but I have no time and am too much of a pussy)

Sub!James Sunderland Headcanons:

Minors, do not interact...18+

Never bratty, like at all. He might say something that is unintentionally bratty. But correct him, and he'll be a lot more mindful of what he says to you.

Loves serving you in any way possible. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, massaging you, pleasuring you, any way and every way.

Still, don't yell at him or degrade him. He's pretty sensitive, especially after Mary's verbal abuse. That, and he's also lowkey insecure himself. He hasn't had sex in a long time, and when he did, it was very vanilla. He knows he isn't exactly young, and he's even more insecure about taking supplements to get it up.

He likes being spanked, but only with soft impact, and don't ever slap him, choke him, or spit on him.

Lives for your praise. He has a very big praise kink and will do anything to hear you say those two special words. His dick gets hard just from hearing you call him a good boy. He'll put away grocceries and do the dishes, only to glance at you from the side. Breath clutched before releasing a euphoric huff when you praised him.

I've mentioned this before (and that post inspired this one) but he's got a mommy/daddy kink.

It's not to the extent of ageplay, but it's to the extent where he loves calling you mommy or daddy (depending on you) and relying on your judgement to make some (trivial) choices for him. For example, he might ask you to pick out his clothes for the day or ask you what he should eat.

"Mommy, what should I wear to go to work," "Daddy, what should I eat for lunch? Do you want some?" Things like that. (I'm researching gender neutral terminology for this right now, so please bear with me)

He has a thing for being quiet, but full-on gagging makes him panic, so he opts for sucking on your fingers, breasts, or whatever you have to offer him, depending on your body.

Extremely needy as a sub. He wants to be near you at all times, he wants your attention, he craves your praise, and sometimes your voice alone gets him off. Premature ejaculation is a curse (or a blessing in disguise...?) For him. Sometimes when you praise him, he loses all sense of control and cums on himself involuntarily without a single touch from you.

But you've trained him a little with some edging and orgasm denial, and now it's almost impossible for him to cum unless you give him explicit permission to. If you get a call from him late at night, just know he's whimpering and pathetically begging you to let him cum. And yes, he always thanks you profusely after cumming.

He doesn't verbally whine or complain if you deny him, but he whimpers. A lot. He whimpers like a puppy that had his paw stepped on. He'll cry a little, too. He's a soft masochist; he only wants soft punishments and soft belittlements. Instead of degrading, he wants to be talked to like a pet, sweet and a little condescending at times with a stroke of his hair. Instead of spitting and slapping, he wants kisses and excruciatingly pleasureful denial.

With that said, he's a dacryphilliac to a degree. He doesn't want to sob, but he doesn't mind shedding a tear or two; especially if you express satisfaction for it.

He's interested in light pet play. Padded collars and leashes, and could either bark for you or meow, depending on what you want. He's fine with either or some other pet except pony or pig.

He's shy about it, but he's very curious about prostate play. The first time he tried a prostate massager, you were watching him as he twitched, whimpered, moaned, and grinded against the soft mattress, hoping to angle the toy deeper all while he looked at you with a pout of embarassment and arousal. You could see his gaze, craving your approval and praise, as always. He fantasizes about you buying a remote-controlled one for him.

He started dipping his toe in the sissification pool. James doesn't like the extreme end of the spectrum. He's still new to this, and he isn't too fond of the idea of crossdressing to his knowledge as of right now. But if you put girly clips in his hair or a feminine ribbon around his wrists, he'll like it.

[nightmare-niko]

Ateez reaction to “What Are We?” [Maknae line]

A/n: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MINGI!!— i literally couldn’t come up with anything for Wooyoung. BUT I did kinda get carried away with Jonghos so it’s like way longer than the others! Sorry not sorry:3

Warnings: San being husband material, mingi being baby girl… no Wooyoung… FLIRTY Jongho, alcohol consumption.

Copying or translating my writing is not allowed. If you see my work on another site it is stolen. Reblogs are appreciated and encouraged.

Masterlist

Choi San:

It was late at night you and your best friend San decided to get food out instead of staying inside all clay. You weren’t in the mood to eat anything particularly fancy, and San wasn't in the mood to change out of his sweats. This could only mean one thing - convienient store.

You and San walked together to the nearby convenient store by your house. When San casually slipped his hand into yours, you didn’t think anything of it. You weren’t too big on skin ship, but he was and you learned to get used to it over the years. His hand was almost never not in yours, you honestly loved it now.

The two of you entered the shop, letting go of each other’s hands to get your respective cravings. When you meet back up at the counter you try (and fail) to fight San over paying.

You cross your arms over your chest, "you never let me pay for anything." You pout as you watch him complete the payment.

"Cry about it," he shrugs.

“Young man youre such a good boyfriend!” An old lady calls from behind the two of you. The comment leaves both of you shocked. You smile politely and push yourself into him, pinching him hard in the waist.

San picks up the bag of your things, cocky smile plastered on his face.

“I know, she’s so lucky to have me. Right?” He jokes and the two of you walk away.

You laugh gently, “Why does everyone think were dating??”

San stops in his tracks. “Are we not?!”

"I don’t know?! Are we?" You ask back, matching his energy.

"I could have swore we were…"He turns to face you, rubbing his chin in confusion.

You shrug, "I guess | missed the memo... you never asked me… How long have we been dating?"

"I’d say since that day in Kindergarten when we got married at recess." He throws his free arm over your shoulder.

You nod, "That checks out.”

Song Mingi:

His face was absolutely priceless. You were convinced that you had to pick his jaw up from the floor and reattach it.

He stutters a bit, "You’re asking me??" He brings his hand up to point at himself.

Laughter erupted within you. "No, the guy behind you— yes you Mingi!"

You warched the blush flood his cheeks, "Well I don't know-what are we?” He smiled down at you sheepishly.

"i'm asking you!" You poke his chest.

"I like you... A lot, if that's what you’re asking.”

You couldn't help but coo at the man before you. "I like you too!” You pause, "wanna date?"

"Like really?". Like yourse not messing with me, right?" You were sure his face was going to start Steaming,

You laugh again, "Mingi. I am not messing withyou, Let's date.

"A-Are you sure?"

“Oh my goodness! Song Mingi!" You grab him by his face, squishing his cheeks. “Do. You. Want. To. Be. My. Boyfriend?”

"I— uh I can manage that,” his normally loud voice was reduced to a whisper.

“See was that so hard?”

Choi Jongho:

Choi Jongho was your best friends brother. You'd know each other for years, you saw each other in all of your embarassing school phases. You found him extremely hot. But since you were merely his little sisters best friend… there was no way he round you any sort of attractive, you were sure of it... Right?

Just because there was zero chance of him finding you attractive, that didn't mean you didn’t find him hot. (I mean look at him). Any time you had the displeasure of being in close proximity to him you barley made it out dive, he was just too hot.

Since you were so close with the Choi family, you frequently joined them on vacations. For summer break, you decided all take a trip to the beach, you and F/N were attached at the hip the whole night before and morning of. Now all of you were in the hotel lobby, waiting to get into your rooms. Mrs. Choi hands Jongho one room card.

There was only two room cards, “kids room and parents room,” they called it.

How were you going to spend a week sharing, a room with the hottest man youve ever seen in your whole life Jongho.

“Ew! We have to share a room with Jongho??” F/N complained, groaning at her brother.

“Oh relax, the room has three beds, plenty room for the three of you, you'll be perfectly fine sharing a room.”

“You act like you’re not the messiest one out of the three of us…” Jongho teases his sister.

"Guys who cares, let's just unpack and go get drinks, we’re on vacation.” You try to stop the impending sibling battle unfolding before you. F/N blows a raspberry at Jongho before grabbing her things and stomping away, leaving you and the man of your dreams behind.

“She knows I still have the room key, right?”

*

You and Jongho are (once again) watching F/N fumble around your shared hotel room.

"Are you almost ready? We’re gonna leave without you.” Jongho sighs, crossing his muscular arms over his chest. You were staring. He looks over to you quickly before coughing to snap you back into reality. The two of you lock eyes before Jungno smirks and looks away. You swear you could faint right then and there.

"F/N you have 30 seconds or we’re leaving!!”

Her frazzled voice calls out from the bathroom. “You can leave without me I’ll be there quick I promise!!”

"Well then," you clap, slinging your bag over your shoulder. “You heard the lady, beach bar here we come!" You exit the room with Jongho trailing right behind you. The two of you enter, the elevator to go down to the lobby.

Normally, you would have been nervous to be alone with Jongho, but the Idea of you hanging out with him sounded so much better than waiting god knows how long for your friend.

"I saw you staring, you know..." Jongho states, so casually you almost don’t register what he had said.

“I don't know what youre talking about...” Your eyes meet his gaze his gaze, his eyes seeped in an energy that made you giddy.

"I don't mind, as long as you don't mind me staring.”

Your eyes nearly pop right out of your skull, "stare at me??”

He laughs gently. “Yes you, who else would I be talking to?”

You are at a total loss for words, "I just— uh wasn't expecting you to say that.”

The elevator doors ding open. Jongno just shrugs, "Fair is fair, beautiful." He walks away, leaving you stunned.

*

The two of you settled into a booth together, ordering your favorite drinks and a side of fries. The loud beachy music played on the speakers, the smells of the ocean in the air, the sounds of the waves crashing. This was awesome.

Jongho leans over to you, "Let's make a bet.”

You turn and look at him, he's a lot closer than you expected. “What are we betting on?”

"How late my sisters going to be.”

You make a noise in acknowiegment, “what’s on the line?"

"Winners choice."

"Ooh that sound dangerous~" You begin to imagine what you'd ask for if you won.

He scoffs playfully, "Uh! Keep your mind out of the gutter!”

“Oh c'mon that's no fun then! Why tell me urs winner’s choice if you’re going to restrict my creative genius??” You whine at him annoyingly.

"Having restrictions in place is for my safety, for your information.” He defends.

"Oh yeah?" You're beginning to feel bolder, maybe it was the alcohol. You lean closer to him, "You're got these big strong musces and youre scared of What I’d do to you?"

He hums, light blush paints his skin. "Even with these muscles don't think l'd be able to resist you."

The two of you sit in silence for a second, before you both crack lovestruck smiles. You even giggle a bit. Eventually, you make your bet, ordering more drinks while you waited. You weren't a light weight and neither was Jongho, that didn't mean the alcohol wasn’t running through your systems. You were tipsy, of course you were! Who doesn't get tipsy on the beach with the man of your dreams Choi Jongho?? You had gotten more food to share as you waited. 5 minutes turned into 10, which turned into 15. Your one Piña colata turned into two and you probably are most of those Fries by your self.

But finally— there She was. You watched her walk through the doorway and scan the area for you. You saw-from the corner of your eye- that Jongho had checked the time on his phone. When his gaze met yours, his eyes were full of defeat.

"Looks like i won!" You smile at him cockily now all you needed to do was think of what you wanted. The world was your oyster, your options were endless. But you couldn’t think of that just yet.

Your friend was famously a light weight. So it didn't take long before she was making Friends with any pretty girl she saw (so real of her).

“Have you thought of my punishment yet?” His voice was sly, he was teasing you.

“Honestly?" you hum, looking over at him. He nods, encouraging you to continue. “I can’t think of anything…”

“Ah! That’s no fun! Come on beautiful, think." He moves a piece of your hair back into place.

You crumble, “jeez Jongho, you’re gonna have me asking ‘what are we’ if you keep that up.”

“Go ahead, I think it’s obvious what I want us to be.”

To be continued

Tag list (If you want to be added just comment!)

@nallasstuff

@chmpgneprblem

@qoopeeya

@lilybellalana

@sleepysongbirdsings

[cinderspots]

Do you guys ever think of how beautiful it is that even when you come and go, you live on?

Specifically, I'm talking about word and speech patterns. For me and several other people I know, when I am close with someone, I intake the things they say and make them a part of my vocabulary. Isn't that nice to know? That there is a forever inside joke between people you once knew and the ones you know now?

When I was a sophomore in high school, I knew these two girls, one a senior and one a junior. Now I am friends with said senior post high school, but at the time, I and her did not talk. But i adored the junior, who was best friends with the senior. Not in any sort of weird crush way but more like the friend crush, they are so cool type of thing- but the junior had a habit of saying "so true" in response to very serious or silly things with no remorse or impulse control before backtracking when they realized it wasn't appropriate- they told me that they started doing it because of the senior. And then even now, years later, I myself saying "so true" like a parrot who's repeating the words of an owner no more, but remembers all the same.

When I was even younger, a baby freshman, I was (to my undying embarassment) not only a wattpad enjoyer but a wattpad role player. If you don't know what that is- close your eyes and let yourself remain innocent young one. There was this one person I roleplayed with in particular @imsososolesbian that had a fixation on the oxford comma- that's right I wasn't born with the comma affliction- and after talking to them (with the // of real conversation before we immediately decided we'd rather just talk to each other than play pretend) I noticed that I had developed this habit of using the comma far far too much (the disease unfortunately is uncurable and set for life) because the speech pattern worked on me through text rather than talk. Me and that person don't talk anymore and that's really sad sometimes, but I like to think that maybe I gave them something back, like my tendency to leave auto cap on so all my texts start with a capital unless I'm on my computer. We pass each other like ships, and I try to check in, and they do the same, but we aren't quite as close as before. That's okay.

Also in Freshman year I became friends with a group of kids on my bus (it ends in tragedy and the familiar ridiculous high school drama) and this one girl in the group who was my age and shared chemistry with would spell out LOL with her hands and say the letters individually- to be ironic it occurs to me now, but back then I just thought it was funny. At first, when I adapted it into my vocabulary, I did it the same, but I found that my brain did not like moving my hand along with it, and so I just spelled it. LOL and LMAO were and still are my big offenders because I was not doing it to be ironic. That girl literally altered my brain chemistry, and I can not think of it another way. Because the things we take from others are changed in our care, but that doesn't make it any less shared.

Hearing Mariah Carey, who i actually did not care about before we had this tiff about her last Halloween, makes me think of @bee-nutauthor . Because it doesn't always spread the way i expect, the song, the name, the words themselves make me think of my friend. I don't look at art anymore and just think in legible thoughts, I eat art, I eat your praise, I bark at things I like a lot, I use abomination words that do not exist, I am extremely familiar with pompompurin because @dead-finch-420 a fixation, in fact Finch is my fixation spreader because theyre always dragging me into it. Isn't that nice too? To be thought of when someone enjoys media, to be remembered we long as that media exists and if not there in memory of it? Because the closer I am to someone, the worse it is. In all the other examples, I would describe the people I picked things up from as an acquaintance friend. Not particularly close, but close enough. When I see bugs, I first scream (loudly), and then I think, "Would Lemni like this?"When I watch horror or see the sky during the night, or view the snow as it falls, I think,"Would MJ like this?" I think and think and think and it's all because of these things, these words, the visions, and I see everyone I've ever known in everything there is to see.

In my Junior year I started to use the word "girl" and "girlie" because of a coworker that I grew very close to used it very very often on me, she also inflicted me with the "like" curse for its second round on my brain- it hasn't gone away since. We still talk because I can remember you when you're still here, which can be sad sometimes, but also comforting in a way. If I can remember you while you're here, I can remember you when you're gone.

@split-milk-7 Someone who I view to be my best friend has inflicted many vocabulary additions. We met on a re8 Miranda discord because Miranda lovers are so very rare, and we decided that of course we should be friends married and we are technically wife and spouse. But they had a particular fixation on using "bestie" to refer to me every other sentence. I am physically incapable of not using the word "bestie" in a sentence while talking aloud to people. I could not resist it. My brain decided it liked that word above all, and so here I am.

@h-doodles I was never someone who bit before I joined the meower server, filled with people who I consider to be my closest friends in the world - and I've never met a single one of them. I find that I like biting. I will think of them eternally as the meowers, for all our jokes will live in my head for years until I can no longer remember why I say these things, but I say them all the same. Because it's inevitable that you forget, but do they need to remember you for your words to live on? People will continue to say the things you said, and they may not know you gave that to them, but it will continue to spread the same way slang spreads eternally. It lives. @zeleneagle, I am not awake, I am an awaker. For some reason, I use :3 now. I bite because I love, and sometimes because angy, boi, floof, birb, borb, whatevah, music, movies, pictures, life, and death, it's everywhere.

To me, you are everywhere.

And I think that's beautiful in a way that I myself can not always appreciate, on the days when the world seems so dull and empty and unwelcoming and so not made for me. I think I should try and think of this when it gets like that, when my bed feels like the only place I can be safe. That the world is full of you and friends and love alongside the enemies and hate and sadness. And if the world is full of you, then doesn't that also mean it's full of me? That I might live on in others the same way you live on in me? That I made an impact on someone, however minor, that I mattered? That you mattered?

I wonder what I've given off to someone else to live on and be remembered for. I hope it wasn't something stupid like me saying people's names in a British accent and pronouncing it really wrong on purpose.

They might resent me a little for that

[scummy-writes]

Scum talks about OCs

In this I'm just going to go over my Ocs in sections of their own. I'm not really using a special Oc template, I'm just talking about them and what fics they appear in, because to be blunt, I do write 'reader inserts', but some fics are written with these ocs in mind even if they're not detailed out specifically.

I'm just chatting about for fun, this will not change how I write currently. I would not expect fanfics about these characters specifically.

Amélie - Drawn by @beni-draw-ikemen-please. (Full picture is her in a chair with Isaac sittin on the arm of it, and Arthur resting his head on her lap <3 I love it)

Anju, made with a Picrew here. I think her expression is a bit too gentle here, and she would mainly wear warmer yellows or cool toned blues, not the shirt in the image.

SS from Prince of my WIP OC for it, since she's fuckin impossible to make on picrews. Her current name is Constance.

I am honestly surprised people showed some interest in this, so bear with me through my bumbling please. A lot of these say 'mc' but they are 'reader insert' fics still. Previous fandoms had 'mc' interchangable with 'reader' so...

If you have any questions, feel free to ask, just know I might not have all the answered.

╰❧ Amélie

Amélie has been around for a few years, and Beni has been a saint for letting me comm her to draw her. Because of this, I was able to make a character profile for her Here. Additionally, a much older one Here that details some vague things about her past, and including her past with Sebastian (Childhood friends).

-> Fanfics she has been 'in': Breathless Discoveries (Isaac/Mc), Mental Gravity (Isaac/Mc), Blessed Accidents (Isaac/Mc), Exercise in Restraint (Isaac/Mc), Temptations (Arthur/Mc), A Helping Hand (Arthur/Mc), His (Theo/Mc), Playful Punishments [vaguely] (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Midnight Impulses [Vaguely] (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Musings (Isaac/Mc), Oral Prompt with Isaac, First Steps (Isaac/Mc), The Talk (Isaac/Mc), The Shirt Thief (Isaac/Mc), Isaac Overworking (Isaac/Mc/Arthur), Awkward Dates (Isaac/Mc), and likely some other small drabbles I have missed...!

─❧ Summary: (Brief mentions of abuse/SA/Trauma but not explicit details)

A lot of her general background is covered in the second character profile I linked above. It sounds vague, and well! That is because it is a bit traumatic. I don't want to gloss over the fact that she has been through a lot, primarily SA, but I don't like focusing entirely on it to where that is the Only thing about her. Her previous job was ... an 'idol'? I never fleshed it out fully, due to self embarassment, but I wanted her to be a singer with a 'small' following, who got connected with shitty producers and signed a contract way too young without understanding the full implications of it, which caused most of her money to not actually be Hers. Due to her parents strongly against her career choice, going as far as rushing a contract ended up having her cut off from her family. With Sebastian gone, her support network disappeared completely.

She Vaguely goes over this in Patchworked Pieces (be mindful of tags), which was supposed to be a full fanfic detailing her story, but I am not meant for long fanfics at all so I posted what scenes I had typed enough with. on the chapter On Failed Attempts, she details a bit more of her experiences.

How she met Comte was through the normal opening of visiting the muesuem. She did it under distress and wanting a distraction, she was weighing options and considing some pretty awful things! I like to think Comte could tell she was beside herself and trying to calm down a little. I like to think he could sense the distress and the thing she was contemplating, and led her back to the mansion.

Which! Is rocky. She's terrified of everyone, until she sees Sebastian, and he helps ease her into her mansion life. She never tells Sebastian what she went through, due to worries and fears that he would manage to blame himself. So in her story, he never finds out.

Isaac is the primary person who knows some details, but not everything. She'd tell both him and Arthur some bare minimums, just so that when things got intimate, her panic attacks for 'random' reasons wouldn't make them believe it was because of them.

As for how they all entangle with each other? Well... Amélie is not what brings them together, necessarily.

Before she arrives, Arthur attempts to get close to Isaac. It is platonic at first, perhaps he had a crush on him but waves it off. But alcohol is introduced, they start 'drinking' together (Isaac is still a lightweight so he barely builds up his tolerance, mostly keeps Arthur some company), and...They get too tipsy and adventurous with each other. Arthur gets ashamed immediately. Not out of doing things with another man, because it was clear he was using Isaac to get over some trauma. So he avoids, hides, and their friendship crumbles.

And after that is when Amélie stumbles into the mansion.

Her friendship with Isaac is the most prevelant. And after getting on a better start with Arthur, they end up slowly getting entangled with each other. Isaac, unfortunately, deals with the brunt of her panic attacks. Finds scars, attempts to heal them.

It's through healing that they all twine together. Helping each other face their traumas, face what happened between them all.

Ironically, her love for singing was bounced in and out of the story. I wanted a few scenes where she tries to play in one of the many secluded rooms in the mansion- finds an old piano while cleaning, places a few notes. But I don't think she'd be able to any time soon. I think she would need a break for a year or two, before she started exploring music again. Or anything super creative.

I like to imagine that she is friends with a majority of the residents. When she is faring better, she paints with Leonardo and Vincent. She listens to Mozart play, reads what Dazai and Arthur write, so on so forth. I want her to live in a house with Arthur and Isaac, later on, visiting the mansion weekly or every two weeks, happy with her new life.

Sometimes I pair her with Theo, because I think they could help each other, but I think she is fated to be with Isaac and Arthur.

In AUs, I like to imagine Anju as her older friend. Anju does not tolerate a lot of bullshit with Amélie, and would be a bit like a guard dog. But. an unassuming one. She would treat Arthur very harshly until he proves himself. (I am unsure if I ever posted it, but I wrote a few chapters to go with This Au Fic for Isaac week. The second chapter, Anju was supposed to be a witch to help Amélie out after some events [was gonna have Isaac die and then it turn into a reincarnation au thing where they meet again in modern day, and in modern day Anju was gonna be around], and Anju has to help her move forward.)

I've been typing this on and off for a few hours and I am struggling with some details HAHA for now, I will stop here. She's the one OC that has a lot out there for her.

Oh. Amélie is not her 'real' name, but it is now. I am unsure if it is in poor taste or not, but in an attempt to heal she abandoned a lot of her old life. Not Herself, but trying to let go of the past until she could confront it more. She goes by Amélie until the end of her days, and only Sebas and likely Comte know her old name.

╰❧ Anju

-> Fanfics she's been 'in': Training Theo (Theo/Reader)

─❧ Summary: (Vague mentions of parental issues)

OoooOOoooOh Anju....anju....wails.

She is such a complicated Oc for me. She was originally for Shingen in ikes*n (i dont want this on the tags on accident). I still debate if the character she is now still stems from that relationship or not. Because if so, that means she left the past and came back to the present because her and Shingen didn't work out. Not in a TERRIBLE way but probably a sad mutual understanding.

It's either that, or she's just pretty sour from general past relationships not working out.

I like to imagine that she is in her thirties, and that she lives in a neighborhood where everyone knows each other in friendly ways. She is a 'seamstress' just due to how Sengoku has that set up for the Mc. I decied that her grandmother taught her how to sew, and her grandmother owned a small shop to repair peoples clothes and sew clothes for commission as well (i know nothing about how this works so). She would help her grandmother at her shop, and later on when her grandmother passed, she would take over the shop.

As for her parents, I never fully fleshed them out. I just know her mother was constantly comparing herself to other children/people around her, and that their relationship dissolved to the point of Anju refusing to aknowledge her as a mother any longer. The crux of this would cause Anju to move the shop to a different location completely to sever ties. (not move physically, but open another shop elsewhere after funds were saved with the same name).

For Vamp, she relocates her ass to France for Reasons. And here is where it is... well. I don't think a shop like this could exist, but i wish it would. pls spare me from laughs HAHA

The shop I always imagined is the type where the ground floor is the shop, and upstairs is where Anju lives. So upstairs would house her kitchen, living room, and Bedroom and bathroom, a balcony connected to the kitchen would be. great. Lower floor would have the shop, her sewing area, a room to hang up comms and etc, and the 'front' of the shop. Front of the shop is the porch and the actual like...foyer area....of the shop.

She spends a lot of her time sitting in the foyer area at a desk, if she is not actively working on sewing. .....I like to imagine she has a small sitting area set up there for people (children, family, friends, partners, etc) waiting while whoever she is working on measurements and etc with is getting their stuff. With....a lil coffee/tea area....very very small like a coffee maker and some stuff....but cozy vibes... (and she wanted a coffee machine near her while working).

She'll sit on the porch often in the mornings while waiting for customers or going through shop bills and whatever, and that is how she meets Arthur in a modern day setting. By him taking 'Vic' (or whatever pet he is on now) on a walk, Vic escaping, and running up to Anju because he wants pets HAHA.

For first meeting, Anju thinks Arthur is cute, but recognizes the fuckboy tendances. However, i feel like at this point of living as a vampire for so long, Arthur wouldn't be how he is in the game currently. As in, not entirely as self destructive and a smidgen more at peace with himself, but still has the tendencies. She doesn't think too much on the meeting, loves Vic though, and goes from there...

But Arthur doesn't. He gets hung up on her a little, and finds excuses to run into her a bit more. Nothing crazy, but primarily just walking Vic by there and seeing if he can catch her on the porch again, waving, exchanging greetings and pets for Vic. It would turn into him eventually finding an excuse to get some clothing mended, which she can very easily tell is bullshit, but she entertains it because... he's respectful the whole time. She enjoys the company and the innocent flirting.

It comes to a clusterfuck when they spot each other at a bar though. Where he sees how differently she's dressed, where it's clear she's looking for one night stands and nothing else. (He is also alarmed at her smoking HAHA). Arthur doesn't do much with this information, but she immediately tries shutting him out because. Well, she isn't ashamed to have casual sex with others, but she doesn't want the fuckboy tendancies to come back for him. She doesn't want this fake relationship to delve into sex and nothing more. So she puts up walls, and Arthur has to slowly take them down. And it is a rocky thing, because Anju is so independant and refuses to rely on anyone else, so it's a LOT of trouble HAHA a lot of dramatics.

They do fuck, because well they both enjoy sex so why not!!!!! but ah. it's complicated. I think I have a scene of that somewhere. I cannot remember if I have that happen before or after him visiting her home/shop at night when he's drunk. I think it was before.

But Arthur was supposed to go to her place, drunk, because she has such a schedule with her shop/hobbies that it's easy to piece together that she's home, and she essentially lets him stay over in pity because he's wailing about messing up his friendship with Theo.

From there it turns into awkward, more up in the air things. I played with her getting with Arthur only, Theo only, Arthur and Theo, or even Vincent! But the Arthur/Theo subplot would have been too similar to the Isaac/Arthur one in Amélie's story. (Sorry for causing you so much distress, Arthur).

I like to imagine her in her shop. Arthur flirting with her while the neighborhood granny laughs at her attempts to ignore the flirting.

╰❧ Constance

-> Fanfics she's been 'in': Sinking (Gilbert/Reader) [Descriptions of Self Harm], First Time (Gilbert/Reader), Chev comforts Mc

─❧ Summary: (Mentions of self harm, abuse)

Constance....! Is still a running name. I may change it, I may not. I'm unsure about her appearance, I know I want her to have the split hair and to dress in similar colors though, but her eyecolor I am so conflicted on...

But...! Her story is still being fleshed out, and she has changed a lot. She is now strictly for Gilbert, whereas she was supposed to be a flexible oc for either Clavis or Gilbert. (Maybe she still could be?)

So far, her story is still like Emma's so far. her and Rio friends for years, Akatsuki taking her in, etc. In my mind, she doesn't know who her parents are and is somewhat in peace of that.

I've bounced around a lot with her though, to where the Rio and Akatsuki being in her BG makes little sense. i've wanted her to be someone who writes and sings, but does not preform and instead has a friend that preforms for her. Where they have private sessions of Constance singing and exampling some of the dancing to her friend, and later on watching her friend preform the songs and bringing her visions to life. (i like this a lot but it feels...odd.)

I want her carrying a notebook around the palace, filled with her drawings and songwriting. Far in the journal, there is drawings of Gilbert- not because she knows him, but because long before she saw him slinking around Rhodolite and drew him out of facination of how he looked (did not piece together he was a Scary Dude). (would add a lot of fuel to fire if anyone saw those drawings COUGHS)

In another bouncing, I have her as a secret wrtier/artist that writes songs that are never preformed. I thought it would be funny if she wrote the erotica that Jin apparently reads??? I can never fgure out if thats canon or not because i never see it Mentioend in the game.

In both possible backgrounds for her, she is still a quiet and reserved person who suffers from a lot of depression, and struggles with herself a lot. The two toned hair was for fun at first, but now I'm realizing it would probably be a good symbol for her inner issues. How she has a lot of 'darkness' inside of her, that she feels disgusted by and upset with, while there is a purity she wishes she had (but fails to come to terms with how that is unreasonable).

To be paired with Clavis, she was supposed to be much more shy, and his antics were supposed to draw her out of her shell more.

But now it's more solidifies that she will be primarily paired with Gilbert due to the purity/darkness thing. She is a little dramatic in her thoughts with that, and is now a bit more serious toned rather than her shyness being played for antics.

She believes Gilbert over his refusal to 'lie', and that draws her in a lot.

Discussion of self harming/SA, when text is blue I am finished.

Something I am struggling with is that with many Ocs, i often have them go through some sexual trauma just due to it being an outlet for myself (i have also had sexual trauma). This may be why you see some themes of this in some fanfics I write, where there is something the reader is struggling with sexually and the suitor is extremely patient with them- it's usually tied to stuff like this (unsure of how obvious that is since no one ever says anything! which feels like an act of kindness, if it is obvious).

For her, I am struggling with adding that into her background as something that is fairly recent with her. Rio doesn't know, she refuses to tell him, and his fondness of her and constantly...hm...i don't mean this poorly, but building her up to be so 'perfect' sometimes causes a lot of issues when she reflects on herself, and she uses those words against herself often.

I don't know if the self harm would be. Due to that SA event or not. I don't know if this is soemthing that has plagued her for years, or if it spiked as her emotions got out of control.

Gilbert would not know. I don't really care if JP spoilers suggest otherwise, as there are already hints that make it clear he doesn't know Everything (he just knows a Lot). A lot of their relationship would be them struggling with self harm and the SA. A lot of her trust gets put into him (even if she dislikes it), because he doesn't lie to her like others do, and it is a comfort. (blah blah gilbert does lie blah blah)

It's hard to explain their relationship. I assume i'll have more figured out as his route comes out. Right now, she's who I imagine when I write some stuff with him, but not all of it.

With Clavis, the relationship would have been more healthy, and so would she. I think she would still struggle with both things, as it could be used as a mutual understanding when they discuss needing to be loved fully and not half-heartedly.

That is a rough gist of what I have for her? I have been typing this for hours and I am running out of steam.

Annnd....That is that! At least for now. Another detail I will share for all of them is that they are all bi :) All my ocs are always bi.

Again, you guys are free to ask questions. I may update this over time as well. I don't really want criticisms for my ocs though since you guys don't actually deal with them past them popping up as the voice for some reader insert fics. they just sorta rot in my brain and I get comms of them at times.

[hot-take-tournament]

I hate to tell you this, but not watching any cartoons when you were a kid is also deeply abnormal. You're not helping your case. Also what were the toys you were allowed to have indoors?

It's a little more complicated than that, though it is really embarassing.

When I was a kid the "cartoon" that was on when I got up was the Pokemon anime, and so that's what I always watched.

Then, when I got access to the internet for the first time I tried to find more episodes online, and ended up stumbling on an ancient anime dub piracy website and started watching what was on there.

Bear in mind I'm not talking about stuff like Dragon Ball, I mean exclusively stuff that was in hindsight wildly inappropriate for a kid that young to be watching, like Black Lagoon.

But because aesthetically it was similar to Pokemon (the only cartoon I really watched), and Pokemon is a children's cartoon, I assumed that this is what adults meant when they said "children's cartoon", this is what I was supposed to be watching, and the adult stuff flew right over my head. I was also at the age where I assumed all animated stuff came from like the same "animation factory" or some shit, not from different countries.

It got to the point where a friend showed me an episode of Danny Phantom in elementary school and I was adamant that this couldn't be a "cartoon" and was instead some other thing, because I knew what cartoons looked like and this wasn't that (though I did end up pirating that too lol)

In my defence, I did watch a lot of other actual kids shows but they were almost all live action, so that didn't tip me off

It wasn't until I was a teenager that I learned what "anime" was and realised with horror that I had been the most oblivious six year old weaboo in history

[zarkishere]

Meet... Ruben Connor!

My dumb dumb stupid idiot I hate <3

(i do wanna say a lot of the things he does is based on how I play RDR, so yeah HAJKSGHKJASG)

(yapping time. this is your fault.)

HE'S SO SO DUMB I LOVE HIM I'M SO SERIOUS. GOD. HE MAKES ME SO MAD. idk if I'll ever tell the full story, buuut I'll tell a bit rn :)

He was born in Brazil to a Brazilian mother and a Mexican father, but when he was young his dad got sick and wanted to see Mexico one last time so they went all the way there...and mf died like a week after and then wtf like what are they gonna do that's crazy

ANYWAY, SCARS AND RANDOM FACTS!!

ion wanna explain where he got these, but I WILL say the arm one was kinda because of Dutch....yikers

he loves animals. Like. God. Keep him AWAY, or he WILL try to get close to the cute baby (cougar)

is into embroidery!!

he overthinks a lot and sometimes just starts eating to distract himself, so Grimshaw taught him how to do embroidery so he had somth to do with his hands other than Cut Up Random Shit or Eat

comes home soaked in blood so often he has to buy new white shirts every few days (it's a real problem, he spends so much money, god help him)

has forgotten most of his Brazilian, and it actually makes him very upset

Next, relationship charts! (THIS IS A VERY SELF-INDULGENT OC LEAVE ME ALONE)

what he thinks of others

notes!

Ruben sees Arthur, John and Tilly as siblings!

Has called Arthur and Charles dad more than once while drunk (don't mention it he gets really embarassed)

generally /pos with everyone :)

you see, Ruben is very much a yes man and is sometimes wayy too easy to trust, so for him to think negatively of you, you gotta be some fucked up bastard 😭😭

Likes referring to people by nicknames based on animals. Like, Javier is coyote, Kieran is patito (YES IM STEALING FROM MYSELF), John is Lobito (he fucking hates it), etc.

calls Dutch dad when he needs something, calls Hosea dad when he's genuinely upset

in general, Hosea is the favorite parent (to no-one's surprise)

...what? what about Javier? Oh, uhh...it's complicated. (aka, they're two men in 1899. They're never giving what they have a label they're just Something) (they are really gay tho like damn get a room)

actually really disliked Javier at first! (internalized homophobia + being forced to go with him since "they're both Mexicans") (yeah Dutch said that, and while Javier brushed it off Ruben Did Not Forget) (he got over it eventually tho)

what others think of him

notes!

most people think he's too reckless, tbh.

he is tho ngl LMOA--he'll run in with only a knife if he's all out of bullets, will accidentally throw the dynamite at his feet and panic or other bullshit like he's a bit of a bloodthirsty idiot

Micah doesn't absolutely hate him cuz he finds enjoyment in seeing the fool do fucked up shit

Charles often gives him That Look when he's doing something wrong, and he'll immediately know to stop

alright idk what else to say HJKASGHJKASGJKASG I could yap on FOREVERRRR, but you don't care so it's okay

this is YOUR FAULT for telling me I should post about my rdr2 oc okay

anyway, thank you for telling me that, it's made me happy <3

[rayssyscourse]

DID is a rare disorder. Except, on tumblr and discord, it isn't for some reason. There are statistically too many people, mostly young teens to early twenties, who have self diagnosed with this disorder. I do not think they are intentionally faking, to be clear. I think that those ages have more turbulent emotions and struggles with identity, and that likely the rampant misinformation being spread online has made them feel connected and seen by the "symptoms" they've read about. Most of you folks would benefit from roleplaying! It really can be therapeutic and it kind of is what y'all are doing anyway, even unintentionally. It's just sad seeing so many people identitying so hard with something that they just do not have. I've already seen people dealing with the embarassment and fallout of having to admit to themselves and others that they do not have alters, or amnesia, or anything like that. None of them were faking on purpose! They really thought they had DID! But they didn't. And neither do the vast majority of people online: it's why there is so much discourse. People cannot agree on what DID is because they are not reporting consistant experiences. No other disorder has discourse this bad online, discussed as if it were a fandom. I just wish this could be talked about more without people getting defensive. It might help some of you youngsters out.

Okay, I've got a lot of thoughts on this. I just want to start this by saying that I think you have some valid concerns and are making some good points, but the delivery is just all over the place and I think it's coming across as trying to make points that you don't intend. So for a while here I'm going to nitpick at your phrasing or comments, but just know that I'm not doing it to be mean or because I think you're totally wrong or whatever; I respect your viewpoint regardless and appreciate you sending it in, and am not trying to frame you as being bad faith or absolutely wrong or whatever. :)

First, to get this out of the way, I don't know if the "you" is supposed to be me or just the community in general, but if it's me, I do not claim to have full-blown DID, because I... don't have it. My psychiatrist, primary care provider, several therapists, and various psych evaluators over the years have confirmed that I a) have dissociation issues, b) have several distinct parts (headmates), and c) have these issues due to trauma, and have chosen not to diagnose me with DID because I do not fit all the criteria. That's about as specific as I'm going to get, but just know that everything I say or claim about myself is because that's what my doctors told me.

One thing I take issue with in this ask is the "you should try roleplaying, it's what you're doing anyway". I don't speak for anyone else, but last I checked, my amnesia, derealization, and cognitive dissonance doesn't really sound like a roleplay to me. It's also just a toxic mindset overall to get yourself in that people with certain issues are "probably just roleplaying". Same with the "arguing like it's a fandom" thing--first of all, syscourse isn't usually confusion about what defines DID, at least right now syscourse is mainly origin-discourse and the relationship of plurality to dissociative disorders. Very few people are arguing about what defines DID, and those who are are usually speculating about a heavily-underresearched disorder and possible causes and effects and stuff. Also, I feel like it's kind of just disrespectful to equate people's real illnesses, struggles, and identities to 'fandom discourse'.

Also, not to "um actually" at you, but the statistics you appear to be referencing are skewed. Yes, DID is a rare disorder. Yes, you will find lots of people talking about it on Tumblr. System communities and adjacent communities will inevitably have rates of dissociative disorders that appear disproportionate when compared to that of the general population because that is what they're there for. People form groups based on shared experiences all the time, thus different communities are going to attract people that share common qualities with their members. This is like going to a clothing store and complaining that there's too many clothes and not enough groceries as compared to the general store down the street. Like, yeah... that's because it's tailored to a more specific group; it's not meant to be representative of the general public.

Another thing is the whole "but what if you end up being wrong?" thing. I get where you're coming from--I have been in a place before where I thought I had a disorder and was then told I didn't have it, and it was genuinely difficult, because I thought I had an important aspect of myself figured out, but it turned out that I didn't. Self-discovery and identity are hard things, and you are absolutely right that the teens and early-twenties are the most turbulent time for developing one's identity. This is why I discourage jumping to conclusions about one's mental health or identity--and a lot of people in this community do the same. I don't think it's wrong to self-diagnose because self-diagnosis is the first step in a hell of a lot of actual diagnoses, and there's a million reasons why someone might not want or be able to access the medical care required to get a diagnosis. Obviously, it requires immense research and understanding, and personally I think it's harmful to self-diagnose with zero intention of ever seeking help, etc. And yes, people can be wrong, and it can be hard to admit that. But that's true of literally everything. It doesn't seem right or fair to me to immediately shoot down people who think they might have a legitimate illness "in case they might be wrong and feel bad about it". Furthermore, whether you like it or not, we kind of have to take people at their word when they tell us what they're experiencing. If they say they're experiencing plurality, who are we to tell them "no you're not"?

All that said, you do have a point that online spaces and unqualified people spreading misinfo can be very damaging to people and make them more confused, not less, about their identities. But I think the question we're asking shouldn't be "how can we stop this", it should be "how can we help these people?". Diagnosed or not, disorder or not, plural or not, we should support people when they say they are experiencing something confusing or difficult.

That's not to say that I think you don't want to support people; from the way your ask was worded at least, I don't think you're arguing from bad faith or malicious intent. But I do think a lot of your points are misguided.

Regardless, thank you for the ask, and I hope you have a lovely day! <3

[shit-begone]

WISHES (Part 7)

Wishes (Masterlist) | Prev (Part 6) | Next (Part 8)

STORY LINE:

*Lee Chan/Dino as your best friend that suddenly confessed his feelings for you.

*Choi Seungcheol/Cheol as the annoying mutual friend who wants to be a part of your life.

The confusion began when you realized that your best friend may have offered you the world while your annoying friend that resembles a lot like your college heartbreaker, Seok-jin, wanted to be part of yours.

It was an easy-peasy thing for you, not until you had to join Chan and Cheol in a five-day vacation with the boys.

-----

PART 7                       WISHES: Everything After the Bliss

WORD COUNT        5,148

CATEGORY              Fluff, Smut and Angst

-----

SC - Don't you miss me?

YN - I do miss the smell of your hair.

SC - I miss your hugs the most.

Due to tiredness, you weren't able to text him back anymore.

-----

SUNDAY

"Good morning, Seungkwan!" Cheol greeted him as he entered the cafe. He was holding some flowers for you.

"Oh, Cheol! Didn't she tell you?" Seungkwan asked.

"Tell me what?"

"She will be spending this weekend with her parents."

"Oh, is that far away from here?"

"You'll only drive for two hours. I'll send you the address."

Seungcheol's phone chimed, "Thanks, Seungkwan!"

"Bring with you this drink, on the house." Seungkwan smiled.

"Thanks!" Seungcheol grabbed the drink and rushed through the door.

"Take care!"

Seungcheol drove off and stopped by the market to buy something for your parents. He learned from Dino that your parents love cooking so he looked for fresh potted herbs and bought a nice bouquet for your mom.

Seungcheol was ready to meet your parents unplanned. That's how confident and determined he is to win your heart. He also thought not to let you know that he will be coming over so you will be pissed and surprised as hell.

After two hours of driving through winding roads and tree tunnels, Seungcheol finally arrived in the small town where you lived.

Is this the correct address?

Seungcheol double-checked the online address that was given to him by Seungkwan. It matched the house number mounted on the gate so he prepared himself for the "grand meet-up" with your parents.

Give it your best shot, Choi Seungcheol. Don't embarass the Choi bloodline now!

"Hello?" Seungcheol knocked lightly on the wooden gate of your house, "Anyone home?"

"Who is it?" Your mom went out of the house.

"Good morning, Mrs. Y/LN!" He smiled.

"Just who is this young man?" Your mom said in awe.

"I brought this for you, Mrs. Y/LN." He said slightly raising the flowers.

"No, no. Come in." Your mom opened the gate and let him enter your house. Your home was neat and cozy; it really gave Seungcheol the peaceful vibes of childhood towns.

"Dear, we have a visitor."

"Good day, Mr. Y/LN. I brought you fresh cilantro and oregano."

"Well, I'm surprised, it's our favorite herb. Do we know you? Or did we just forget you by any chance?"

Seungcheol breathed heavily and said, "Mr. and Mrs. Y/LN, I am Choi Seungcheol. I was the one who asked you over the phone through the help of Dino if I could be a suitor to your daughter. Now, I'm here to formally ask the same, Mr. and Mrs. Y/LN."

"I like you, young man. Please take a seat." Your dad said.

"Let's go to the living room." Your mom said.

"No, the kitchen is fine. I can help with the breakfast preparations so there wouldn't be any delays in your routine." Seungcheol offered.

"This is a smart move, Seungcheol. How did you know so much about us?" Your dad asked.

"I learned a lot about you from Lee Chan." Seungcheol said.

"That boy, he never changed. Still the same Lee Chan that we all knew." Your dad smiled.

"So you met our daughter through Chan?" Your mom confirmed.

"Yes, Mrs. Y/LN, I have been friends with him for five years. Two years ago, Dino brought us to the cafe that Y/N owned in the city then he introduced Y/N to the group and we learned that they're best friends since college."

"Yes, that boy is so polite. Just like you. Knowing that you are also friends with Chan, we're convinced that you're a good man."

"Actually, I was so nervous before coming here. I actually went to the cafe and Seungkwan was alone in the store, he told me that Y/N went to her hometown. Everything was totally unplanned and I thought this was a good time to meet Y/N's parents."

*****

You woke up to the sound of chatter outside your room. It was a good night sleep and a refreshing morning to start the day in your childhood home. You checked your phone first and found a good morning text from your suitor with matching heart and sun emojis. He could be really cheesy sometimes. You didn't bother to reply and went immediately in the shower for your morning routine.

As you were bathing, you suddenly felt the need of the smell of Seungcheol's hair and his cologne, the sound of his voice and the feeling of his lips on yours.

You knew it's wrong to have felt that way, but you suddenly wanted to see Seungcheol. You just missed all of him and everything he has done to your body. Seungcheol worshipped your body the way it should be treated and it felt right.

What do I do?

You gathered your senses and felt a little juiced down there but you shrugged off the feeling and rinsed. You changed to your comfiest clothes and grabbed your phone.

As you were about to step outside of your room, you heard a familiar voice talking.

"So what do you do?" You overheard your dad ask.

"I am a Senior Software Developer, I work for two companies. The first one, my permanent job, is where I train software developers. The other company where I spend most of my time is Square Enix." Seungcheol said.

"Wait, Square Enix? You mean Final Fantasy from the 1980s?" Your dad asked.

"Yes Mr. Y/LN."

"Oh God, Seungcheol, when I married him, that's when he stopped collecting Final Fantasy video games." Your mom said.

"Well I guess, the boys never stop playing, Mrs. Y/LN. Their toys only get bigger and more expensive." Seungcheol said.

You peeked out from your bedroom door and saw your dad put a “pat of approval” on Seungcheol’s shoulder. You walked slowly out of your bedroom and went near them.

"Good morning." You smiled.

"Good morning, angel. How's work in the city?" Your parents stood up gave you the warmest hug.

"It's nice, mom. Just the usual."

"You didn't tell us that your suitor looks this good." Your mom said as she looked at Seungcheol.

"Can I hug your angel, too?" Seungcheol asked.

"I'm watching, boy. You got me at Final Fantasy, but she's still my daughter." Your dad chuckled.

"Worry less, Mr. Y/LN."

Seungcheol went near you handing you the flowers he brought, "Good morning, Y/N," he smiled and gave you a hug.

"How did you---"

"Seungkwan. He gave me your address."

"That Seungkwan." You sighed.

"Forget about Seungkwan. I think your parents like me." He whispered.

"Come, let's gather for breakfast." Your mom said.

"We're really relieved that Y/N finally decided to let someone enter her life." Your dad said, "What a hard-headed gangster, always exasperated with the world."

"Dad!" You objected.

"Y/N is indeed irritated with everything Mr. and Mrs. Y/LN. She's always annoyed with me, always telling me to leave her alone." Seungcheol sulked.

"Ya! I'm not like that." You said.

"That's too much coffee, sweetie. Embrace a little sweetness in your life. We can see that Seungcheol is a good man." Your mom suggested.

Seungcheol just smiled as you shyly looked at him.

You had a great talk with Seungcheol and your parents over breakfast. It was evident that your parents are approved of Seungcheol, especially your dad whom is a big fan of Final Fantasy.

You mentioned how Dino was doing great and how he's busy with a potential client next week; you also can't forget about Seungkwan who will be expanding the business in another town.

For the whole morning, you have witnessed the side of Seungcheol that is very family-oriented and polite. He was a completely different persona from the Seungcheol you have known: annoying and pointless. As the days progressed of you knowing the hidden parts of him, you thought that maybe, just maybe, you could give it a try.

You checked your phone to see if Seungkwan is doing well in his shift.

YN - How are you?

SK - I'm good. Why do you ask? Did you meet Cheol already?

YN - Yes, he's here. I was surprised.

SK - I'm sorry I have to give him your address without consent. I just can't help it hehe.

YN - Don't worry. I think my parents like your guy.

SK - That's good news. But do you like our guy already?

YN - Stop it, Seungkwan. How are the operations?

SK - Busier than usual. A group came with Stella.

YN - Ohhh? The girl Dino? Haha. Tell me about it.

SK - She came with five or six people, I guess? It's her birthday today. I gave a solo choco mousse for the lady. They ordered half the menu. Good thing we restocked for the weekend. She gave me a feedback before they left that the cafe was cozy. Especially the spot where Dino sits every visit.

YN - Maybe she's a twin hahahaha.

SK - Dino will be pissed if he learned that someone is already enjoying his spot hahaha.

YN - You bet. Call me if you need anything. Thank you for the save.

SK - I got you :)

"Sweetie, why don't you take Seungcheol somewhere around town?"

"I brought the car. Take me somewhere you're nostalgic about."

"Okay, mom," You moved the direction of your body facing him, "Do you walk?" You asked Seungcheol with a very sharp look.

"I'll drive."

"After you, pretty lady." He said as he handed you the keys to his car.

"Mom, we're going!" You exclaimed.

"Be home before dinner."

He opened the door for you.

"What a gentleman, Seungcheol."

"This comes with compensation, miss." He whispered.

"You'll be well compensated if you won't be annoying."

"Is that for real?" He smiled.

"For real."

"Pinky promise?" He put out his pinky finger.

"Pinky promise." You hooked your pinky to his and smiled at him before you enter the car.

It was nice to drive around town again. Some of the establishments were renovated already since you became busy with the cafe. You were going home once or twice a month but you weren't able to stroll around for nearly a year now.

First stop was in the market square.

"You should try their soft tacos here!" You said in excitement, "I'll look for some other snacks. Wait for the tacos to finish. Okay?" You added.

As you went from food cart to food cart, Seungcheol followed you by sight.

"Of course, I would also tell my son to look after Y/N very well if he would have a girlfriend like her." The vendor said as she looked at Y/N from afar.

"I'm sorry?" Seungcheol clarified.

"Y/N is indeed pretty, young man. Intelligent and independent. You're lucky you won her heart."

"You know Y/N?" Seungcheol asked.

"Son, this town is small. We all know that you are new here." She smiled.

"Is that so?" He smiled shyly as he scratched his head, "Well actually, I'm still a suitor. It's the first time that I met her parents earlier."

"Still a lucky guy. It's the first time we saw someone with Y/N ever since she became an adolescent. That girl is such a perfectionist."

"Really?" He giggled, "Then I must be very lucky indeed."

As the tacos were handed to Seungcheol, you returned with two strawberry milkshakes and a potato jacket.

"Follow me." You said.

Seungcheol smiled at the vendor and followed you to the cocktail tables designated for food market use.

"Hurry, I want to see your reaction. Have a bite."

As he took a bite from the taco, his eyes widened a little bit, "This is insane!"

"I told you!" You giggled, "This is my favorite."

"Well, make it OUR favorite."

"Have a bite of this potato jacket. I requested additional beans and cheese." You said as you blew onto the food, "Open." You handed over a spoonful of potatoes to Seungcheol.

"Hmmmm. I still prefer the soft tacos."

"Try this milkshake."

"You're cute when you do things like this. Your turn." He said as he fed you the soft tacos.

"We can always do this if you want." You suggested.

"I want to do everything with you."

"You're being cheesy."

"I'm not. Look who's been feeding me like a baby!" He said.

"I'm just excited." You giggled.

"Has anyone given you the same excitement before?" He asked.

"I've never had a boyfriend."

He was shocked, "Why?"

"Most guys are jerks."

"Not me. I won't waste your time."

"Let's see about that."

After you ate, you stopped by the park and let the cool wind accompany you as you walk through the playground.

"Maybe I could get real drunk the next time we're together." Seungcheol said.

"Huh?" You asked in confusion.

"You drive well."

"They say that if you dream about going to big cities or different places, it's important to have nice pair of shoes and a driving skill that's gonna take you there," You said as you sat on the swing, "And no, I won't drive for you if you're dead drunk."

"Why?"

"Just don't drink too much; it's not good for your health."

"I like that you care about me sometimes." Seungcheol pushed the swing you're sitting on.

"I like the flowers that you brought. They're my favorite."

"Had a lot to learn from Dino."

You smiled with the thought of Dino helping out Seungcheol to win your heart, but you were also thinking if he's genuinely okay with it, or was he doing that so he could get rid of you immediately.

"How are you and Chan?" You asked.

"Is this about you?"

"I guess. Tell me."

"We're fine. You know, boys. Boys hate drama. Besides, you're the best friend. You could tell just by his eyes if he's happy. Right?"

"Yes, of course. I see no problem with Chan."

"You already have the answer, honey. You just have to believe in it." Seungcheol gave you a gentle grip by your shoulders.

"Maybe I'm just a little too worried." You chuckled.

"Don't be." Seungcheol walked upfront and leaned in nearer your face. In split seconds, you gave him a kiss. A little longer than what you have given him the other day.

"Does that mean anything, honey? Your kiss?" He smiled.

"I don't know. Maybe?"

"Be certain. I want more kisses."

"You can't have that easily." You hopped out of the swing and ran away from Seungcheol.

"You think you could beat me?" He ran after you and chased you around the park.

It wasn't that far when he caught you. He pulled you to the back of the gazebo near the park; it was a public comfort room but hidden behind topiaries.

"Cheol! Why are we here?"

"We won't get caught right?" He chuckled.

You already know what he meant, so you smiled at him and closed the door of the comfort room. "We won't. I'm a local here. They start to patrol the area after the sun has set."

"Are you okay with this?" He smiled.

"Yes." You whispered as you teased him.

"Why do you like these kinds of things all of a sudden? Did you miss me?"

"I can't tell." You smiled.

He cupped your face and kissed you hard that you weren't able to breathe properly. He forcefully sucked on your bottom lips as he lifted you to the granite sink. He grabbed your hand and put in on top of his cock.

"Do you feel that, Y/N?" He asked as he kissed your neck.

"I want you." You whispered.

You were shocked of his response, it was just supposed to be a kissing game but he aggressively turned your body, you're now faced to the mirror and you saw Seungcheol smiled in mischief as he kissed your neck.

"Don't close your eyes. I want you to see everything that I will do to your body." He hummed against the skin of your neck.

His neck kisses gave you chills as he lifted your blouse up to your chest; he unhooked your bra from behind and smiled with the view of your breasts' reflection on the mirror.

He caressed your nipples as he continued to suck on the skin of your neck. It was a familiar feeling from the vacation. The body knew what it wanted so you moved your hips in a circular motion teasing his cock inside his pants.

"Hmmm? You want that cock so badly now, Y/N?"

"Uhhhh, I think so, hun." You mumbled.

"I'll give you what want, but not exactly what you need." Seungcheol pulled a chair for you, "Kneel on the chair and close your thighs as tight as you can."

You heard Seungcheol unzip his pants; you were surprised when he pulled your panties down. You gasped as you felt his hard dick push against the skin of your butt.

"You want this?" Seungcheol said brushing the tip of his cock on the surface of your wet cunt.

"Y-yyes honey, fuck me. I don't care if it hurts." You said.

"Not yet. I will fuck you dumb in your bedroom tonight. You don't want to make a mess here."

He pushed his dick in between your thighs and thrusted slowly. You can see in the mirror the tip of his cock peek outside your thighs, in and out of it. You moaned to the feeling of this dick rubbing your clit and it was heavenly. What more if it was Cheol's dick pounding in and out of your pussy?

Your wetness allowed Seungcheol to glide in and out easier brushing your clit.

"Oh fuck Y/N, I wish I was fucking your pussy right now."

"Go faster honey, just like that."

"Do you like what you see in the mirror huh? Do you like it when I make you feel this way?"

You started to moan louder and longer. He's so good at this, it's like all his movements were coordinated from the way he play with your breasts to the way that he made love with your clit and thighs.

Your reflections said it all, you were a little flustered, you could see trickles of sweat on his forehead and his grips became a little forceful as his fingers clench on your breast while the other was placed on your hips.

"I think I'm gonna cum, keep on brushing it against my clit, hun." You said as your breathing became heavier.

"I bet your fucking cunt will grip my dick better than your thigh does. Let's go together."

A few more thrusts and your moans met as you reached climax. You were astonished of your view in front of the mirror. Seungcheol cupped your breasts as he planted small kisses on your neck. His load started dripping down your thighs as he pulled out his dick.

He grabbed a handful of napkin and wiped the mess the both of you made in between your thighs.

"You're driving me crazy, Y/N." He said as he helped you get dressed.

"Why?"

"One minute you're an angel, and in another you're a temptress."

You just gave him a doe-eyed smile, "I don't know."

"Now you're hitting me with that innocent strategy of yours," He took his phone and gestured you to face the mirror once again, "Let's take our first picture together." It was a mirror shot of the both of you looking cute... and innocent.

"Let's go, they're probably looking for us already." Seungcheol said as he held your hand.

"It was only supposed to be a kiss." You pouted.

"Oh, with the way you looked at me, it was all just for a kiss? You can't tell me what to do, hun." He smiled.

"Let's pass by the river before we head home. We won't be long. I'm just going to check if anything changed."

It was a five minute drive away from the park, the road was not too wide and there were houses along the way. You rolled down the window, heard the birds chirp and the wind whistle.

"I want to know you better, Cheol." You said.

"What do you mean?"

"What made you the Seungcheol I am talking to today?"

"That's an easy one."

"Tell me." You stopped the car by the river bank, "See that bridge there? I used to scream my lungs out right in the middle of the bridge whenever I'm disappointed, then I leave it to the water current to calm me down. How about you?"

"I'm a calm person but very fun to be with. I am always reliable. But despite all those, four years ago, someone named Camille fucked my life; said I was not good enough for her."

"So you strived to be better after that disappointment?" You cleared.

"No. After she broke up with me, the same week, I had a big break as a project based game developer. Until the company absorbed me two weeks into the project. I was already there, I was supposed to be better for her but she was just impatient."

"So did you try to get back with her?

"I did. I learned that there was someone new." Cheol said.

"How did you respond to it?"

He laughed, "I was so lost. But I can't let my career flunk. I did improve myself for two good years."

"That's good."

"Then came the day Dino brought us to your cafe. Since then, I had a crush on you. Just because you were so dedicated and passionate in what you do."

"Then why the long wait?" You asked as you started the engine and drove back home.

There was a long silence. The sun has started to set and the silhouette of birds are now evident against the beautiful golden hour as you drove. You glanced at Seungcheol and saw him staring at the road.

"You were so mean. You always give me a sharp look, and I was so scared that I might ruin the friendship between me and Dino, I also want to be certain that I have completely let go of the pain. I don't want to be unfair with you."

"I was mean because you were annoying." You said as you parked the car in front of your house.

"That was the goal. I was trying to get your attention and now we're here. If I weren't annoying, maybe until now I wouldn't know the feeling of having to sleep by your side." He smiled.

You went inside your house and saw your mom packing food boxes in the living room.

"Just in time. Dinner is almost ready. I baked some banana oatmeal cookies for you, Dino, Seungkwan and an additional box for Seungcheol."

"Thank you, Mrs Y/LN. I bet these are real good."

"Oh, it's better than Y/N's recipe."

"Mom!" You sulked.

"What? It's true!" Your mom boasted.

Dinner time came and you got to spend a good talk with your parents. It was also nice that you were really getting to know Seungcheol a lot more, like literally more things than breakfast earlier that day. You were amazed of the things you have learned about him and kind of ashamed of the things and secrets your parents were telling him about you.

*****

Nighttime came and it's time to go back to the city. You packed all your things and prepared for departure.

"Seungcheol, please take care of our daughter." Your dad said.

"Dad, he's not my boyfriend." You pouted.

"Not yet. But he will be. I can also read your body language, you're attracted to Seungcheol." Your dad added.

"Dad!!!!" You exclaimed.

"I welcome you to our family in advance, son. Please don't take long in winning this gangster's heart." Your dad gave Seungcheol a pat.

"Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Y/LN. I'll take good care of her. I promise." Seungcheol smiled and opened the car door for you.

You hugged your parents and went inside Cheol's car. You bid goodbye and let him drive back to town.

With regards to the "compensation", you agreed to call it a day and just realize such things some other time. After a few hours of driving, you finally arrived at your doorstep and greeted Seungcheol with a goodnight kiss before he left.

-----

The next few weeks were full of bliss. It was almost every day that you receive flowers from Seungcheol. He also fetches you from work and takes you out on a date on weekends. You also started to enjoy the company of snuggling and watching movies until the midnight or having a late night stroll to the city. You started singing each other's favorite songs, playing your childhood games, trying new places for food, visiting museums and game conventions he had to attend; it was nice to learn more about his job.

As per Seungkwan, he already signed the construction papers of his cafe branch and you started hiring trainees for both cafes. You and Seungkwan also ventured on party deals as part of your business expansion.

Dino on the other hand was selected to be the architect of his then potential client and was at the same time busy with Seungkwan's cafe project.

-----

BUSY BARISTA WEDDING PROJECT

Ring... Ring... Ring...

"Hello? Hi! Yes, good morning! We're already here at the venue, where can I confirm our booth location?" You asked.

"The other coordinator is there. Please stand by, assistance will be there shortly."

The phone call ended.

"So??" Seungcheol asked.

"We will be assisted shortly." You smiled at him.

It was Saturday; you were booked for a wedding and were asked to cater 200 cups. You brought one trainee with you and Seungcheol on the other hand offered to accompany you to your very first coffee booth event.

"Hi, good morning. Are you the owner of Busy Barista?" The coordinator asked.

"Yes, good morning!" You offered a handshake.

The coordinator responded to your handshake and gestured to the other direction, "This way please."

As you reached your booth location, the three of you started set up for a lunch reception. You were so excited, so stressed and so nervous at the same time. Who wouldn't? It was your very first event booking. Seungkwan offered to supervise the cafe and the other trainees in operation.

You finished the set up just in time before the visitors and newlyweds came. It was a very busy event of almost 200 visitors. Are you up for the challenge?

As the day progressed, your trainee kind of grasped the whole process of the coffee booth, so you took a rest in making coffee. Instead, you decided to interact with the visitors who were stopping by to try a cup. Seungcheol also took the initiative to take pictures of the visitors having fun by your booth.

"Please don't forget to tag us in Instagram and Facebook!" Seungcheol smiled.

"Sir, can I take a picture with you?" A young lady asked as she giggled alongside of her friends.

"I think you need to ask my girlfriend about that. She might beat me to death after this event if we take a photo without her approval." He said as he pointed at you.

"Uhhhhh? You're taken?" The young lady frowned.

"I can still take a picture of you. Don't believe in anything the he says, he's not my boyfriend." You said.

"OMG! Thank you!" The young lady said.

The young ladies were so happy of the photo just like how they were happy with the taste of your coffee.

Your social media pages became flooded of hearts, likes and shares. You were so happy reading compliments on your first event. It was a nice start for your business expansion.

"Too bad Seungkwan wasn't here, huh?" Seungcheol said.

"He would be very happy for this expansion." You smiled.

"I think he would always say 'awwww' every time he hears that your coffee tasted good."

The coordinator went near you and gave you an update of the event.

"30 minutes and the event will be finished already. How many cups are we in?"

"Five cups before 200, Sir." The trainee answered.

"Can you prepare the five already? After that, you can leave it all to us. So you could rest early." The coordinator suggested.

"Are you sure?" You confirmed.

"Yes. Besides, the payment was already settled to your account by the couple earlier today. I'll send the transaction copy to your business e-mail. It was a pleasure having you here, Ms. Y/LN! I'm actually planning to include you in my team of suppliers. Despite the low cost of your package, the taste was never compromised." The coordinator complimented.

"Thank you, Sir! Anything for coffee!" You said as you handed over your business card, "Call us, Sir! We'd be very happy to discuss business with you." You added.

The wedding coordinator gestured a hand shake and left you after a few more engagements.

"I'm so proud of you, honey. Look at you." Seungcheol said as he held your hand and twirled you around.

"Thanks, hun."

The trainee prepared the remaining coffee cups as you and Seungcheol started to pack up. Just as you were about to finish, a visitor from the wedding seemed to be looking at your direction. It didn't take long when she approached your booth location.

"Cheol?"

Seungcheol looked up in surprise as he was keeping the coffee supplies, "Camille?"

"Seungcheol!! I knew it was you!" Camille hugged Seungcheol very tight, "At first I was unsure if I would approach you. Because it's a very big coincidence, right? Until I confirmed through social media pages that it was really you!" As she went in for another hug, Seungcheol slightly stopped her arms from doing so.

"Yes, it's been so long. Right?" He said uncomfortably.

"Don't you want my hugs anymore?" She pouted. "When did you get interested in events or coffee business? Your whole crew is hard working." Camille said as she looked at you and the trainee.

"She's the owner." Seungcheol said as she looked at you.

"Ohhh, I'm sorry about that." She smiled at you.

"I am a senior software developer and I work as a game developer, too. I'm here to help my girlfriend." He said.

"You didn't stop dealing with games, huh? Is it even worthy?"

Their conversation became clouded in your mind the moment you realized that she was the Camille who dumped Seungcheol years ago. As you watched them talk, Camille was getting touchy with Seungcheol, paving his hair out of his face, gripping his arms, constantly brushing her fingers on to his, and literally taking up too much of his personal space as they talked.

What you were seeing at that moment hurt your feelings and your stomach. So you grabbed his car keys from your bag and instructed the trainee to go with you and help you load the things used for the booth. You made yourself look busy with a heavy heart and a hurting gut.

-----

Wishes (Masterlist) | Prev (Part 6) | Next (Part 8)

[magicalyaku]

Great, so apparently I read a lot in August, so now I have to wreak my brain to remember so many books. Thank you, past-me.

Ace Voices (Eris Young): My one non-fiction book of the year! I'm bad with non-fiction books because I should read them on paper and read them twice to grasp all the concepts which of course I won't do, so afterwards I don't really remember what I read. It took a bit to get used to the writing because it's very personal from the author's perspective, which is not how know my non-fiction books from the back then, but ultimately I liked this one for compiling a variety of different experiences about different topics from the aspec community, and especially to topics relevant to my own current writing. Might be a good ressource.

Wrath Becomes Her (Aden Polydoros): I've read pretty much all of the author's other books, with The City Beautiful being the my first and favorite. This one is his second best in my opinion. It's not a story to enjoy, because of war and death and grief, but it's very intense, an interesting idea and well-rendered. I only wish the author had written in his afterword why he picked that setting in the first place.

You Owe Me One, Universe (Chad Lucas): This is the sequel to Thanks a lot Universe, which I liked a lot. I think first one was stronger but there a themes that are better dealt with when a story and characters are already established. My memory is a bit wonky but I dare say this one is about change - growing up, changing family situations, friendships, can the bully become a better person and such. It's still pretty heavy in some parts while also idealistic in others. But really, if we're not idealistic in a middle grade book, then where else?

Brave Face (Shaun David Hutchinson): Oops, this being a memoir is actually my second non-fiction book in a year. I think it's the very first memoir I read at all. It was easy to read and to understand because it feel like a story with all the shit that happened. I guess, that's why some people have things to tell about their lives and others don't. It also gives a good insight why his books are they way they are.

Evergreen (Davin Greenlee): I waited 6 months for my copy of this! Was a real surprise when I suddenly got the shipping notice. Was it worth the wait? Hm. Not the first half. That was frustrating because my logic is different than the characters'. The protagonist was kept away by his mother from humans for his entire childhood and youth and how long it would have gone on, for safety reasons. But I think it'd be much safer to get a child used to the outside world where you have an excuse to hover around it as a parent and when something happens, because children naturally don't know things. Whereas when a 30-year-old man goes outside and embarasses himself because he doesn't know shit about humans, it's much worse. What did the mother think when she put a neighbor her son's age right next to his nose? Of course, he's going to talk to them. And don't be exasperated he fell into a pool when you didn't tell him the dangers! Just going on with "It's not safe" never helped anyone. Give them details! That was annoying. The second half, however, got much more enjoyable. One thing in the ending made me sigh because of course it had to go that route when there was another much more attractive choice right next to it, would have made the message stronger. But well. I do think the author has potential (and a lot of perseverance!)

Caught in a Bad Fauxmance (Elle Gonzalez Rose): Here's one I don't have a story about, so I have a hard time recalling what happened in the book. That's the reason I picked it in the first place, though, easy light-hearted read. I think I read most of this on the train to a convention, and I had a good time. Like "oh no, I should sleep a bit, but I want to continue reading because it's fun." And really, sometimes that's all we need, right.

Deke & Hat Trick (Fake Boyfriends 3+5) (Eden Finley): These covers absolutely don't fit what I usually read! Aah! 8D Explanation: I was sick in bed with a fever and the flu and needed something to keep the brain busy but not too complicated. Time for an audiobook, I reckoned. And somehow these were the only books my library had available that fit my tastes, I had not already read, or were too heavy. I have to admit, my expectations in these kind of books are very low, basically porn with a bit of story as decoration. So I was pleasantly surprised that they're actually not that bad. Nothing to win a prize, but they are entertaining, the characters are quite likeable, as is the writing and some of the more serious topics, like being gay in professional sports, are handled well (from an outsider perspective such as mine at least). After I finished Deke, I immediately put on the next one. And then, a day later I felt like I was being brainwashed and decided not to listen to any more of those (like ever). 8D Also, I still know nothing about hockey and don't want to know~

That's it for August. Expect the remaining reviews of 2024 in the remaining days of 2024. :'D

[genericpuff]

ULO user here! I recently went back and found several old comments I'd made on LO while I was a huge fan of it in 2019.. so embarassing looking back lol. You mentioned that you used to send a bunch of "fangirl" messages back in the day- would love to see your old thoughts/opinions back when you loved LO to compare as a fun(if a bit melancholic) journey, if you'd be willing to share a few? Your thoughts/analysis are always amazing, but I'm super curious as to how you felt back before you realized what a shitshow it was

Haha yeah, I was a fangirl in the sense of like... always being on time for new updates, even if I was out doing other things, messaging my real life friend who got me into the comic to talk about it. Back then Saturday was the height of my week, sometimes the cliffhangers would get me so excited I'd spend the entire week thinking about what could happen next. I suppose I do still look forward to Saturdays now, but for much different reasons.

It's a lil' shameful looking back but I did used to be one of those "don't like it don't read it" dickheads LOL I also used to "not see the issue" with the age gap thing, not because I was okay with age gaps, but as someone who tends to write about immortal beings, I followed the same line of thinking that "they're gods, it shouldn't matter", until I realize just how silly it was that if that were the case, the comic wouldn't be constantly calling out the age difference and drawing Persephone to look as young as possible. I had to really sit on LO for a long time before I started seeing the issues with it. Ironically what opened my eyes to it was lurking in the #antiloreolympus hashtag every now and then, I'd be reading the opinions like "these opinions suck! they don't get it! they're just being nitpicky/mean/etc.!" and yet I duped myself by doing just that because it exposed me to other points of view which became more and more relevant as the comic declined in quality. I think it was around the trial arc that I started to notice the holes (one of the big tells for me that maaaybe LO didn't know what it was doing was when Persephone chose Hades to be her lawyer despite him being one of the judges and someone she was romantically involved with, like hello?) and then when the series returned from its mid-season hiatus and skipped right over Persephone's time in the Mortal Realm, that was when I realized the criticisms weren't coming from nowhere and I got off the high horse and started to read their points with more of an open mind.

Of course, I can safely say I wasn't as shitty as some of the stans can be, most of my opinions were just in the weekly discussion threads in the LO sub, but I was still giving my opinions on LO as if it was a Canvas comic, failing to recognize that 1.) just because webcomics are a budding industry doesn't mean they should be exempt from criticism, and 2.) LO isn't anywhere near the same level as Canvas, it's a #1 NYT best selling book with a creator who's won awards, so it absolutely should be subject to criticism and analyzing as LO is representing that same budding industry in a lot of ways.

I'm trying to find stuff from my pre-ULO days but unfortunately nothing from my main profile is loading past the last 9 months LMAO But if I do find any specific examples I'll definitely post them so we can roast past me together (*≧︶≦))(￣▽￣* )ゞI definitely remember back when ULO was created, it came at a perfect time I think LOL

[acaplaya-musings]

Voiceplay Visuals: Golden Hour

From one post about a kinda-strange Voiceplay video to another!

It took me a while to decide to watch this video as well (because basically I saw the thumbnail and was like "Hm."), but I'm very glad that I did, because, well, if you've seen the video, you know what I'm talking about. 😁

This video was uploaded on the 18th of March, 2023 (almost exactly 11 months ago as I type this, though for you it will be just slightly over a year ago), and stars the young and talented Anthony Gargiula (pronounced gar-jool-a) in his first guest collaboration with Voiceplay, and, in an acting role, the video also features Kathy Castellucci as "the toymaker"! So let's get into this!

For any of you who haven't already realized: "Stimmen Spiel" is the literal German translation of "VoicePlay"! (Also I wonder if 1999 was when 4:2:Five (aka VoicePlay) officially began and/or got its original name?)

You'd think this would be obvious enough for all reactors to notice/comment on it, but no

VoicePlay certainly never fail on the creative front, I'll give them that!

It was Geoff's head that struck me as the most odd-looking here, and it took me a while to figure out why that was (kinda embarassing, really ^^;). It wasn't until I was watching a reaction video where the reactor was speculating on if it was very difficult to edit around Cesar's beard that it hit me: it's the hair. It's notably flatter than it usually is (i.e. less volume), and possibly shorter (or at least shorter-looking) as well.

It then wasn't until a while later (I'm really not always the sharpest tool in the shed 😅) that I realized that this explains why in Geoff's Headless Horseman video, the disembodied back-up Geoffs have their hair pulled back - to make the editing easier!

Geoff asks in the comments "who thinks they know what's in the mug that Kathy's drinking?" For the record, I have no clue, but I'm gonna guess coffee 😄

(If you think you're gonna be getting a lot of screencaps of the "singing heads", think again!)

Really good drawing actually (kinda looks like Cesar - deliberate perhaps?), I wonder who actually did it?

Not entirely sure what the sideways writing on the left page says, but I think the third word is "comparable"? And the writing underneath it I believe says "legs same". The sideways writing along the edge of the right page says "eyes have to be evenly spaced apart".

"Perfect Man"

(Also the writing across the top of the right page says "all features must be constant by numbers")

The width measurement between the two eyes on the right page is 9 inches, and I wonder if that was just a random number/average distance between the centres of a person's eyes, or if actual measurements were taken from you-know-who for this? (Same goes for the other measurements written in the book!)

Did the person who did the drawings in this book do all the writing as well? Because it's aesthetically nice, but not the easiest to read!

The writing on the left page says "all markings must be [????]" (I can't make out that last word).

Also might as well take this opportunity to point out the Pinocchio doll sitting in the windowsill in the background! (Above Geoff's head.) Pinocchio is of course the story of a puppet who becomes a "real boy", so a very fitting inclusion/easter egg for the video (and Pinocchio is originally an Italian story - coincedence? 👀)

We stan Kathy Castellucci in this house! Love her! 💜

Partially sharing this as a "this was an interesting little visual effects/editing moment in the video that I felt like I had to acknowledge" thing, and partially sharing this as a "if I had to see this, so do you!" thing 😆

(Layne really had fun with this one honestly)

The mannequin body now has a white shirt with slightly-puffy long sleeves and a loose collar. Hm, who of the group has occasionally worn shirts like that I wonder?? 🤔 (😜😁)

I'm wondering a lot of things about this video I know, but did Kathy actually do any proper tailoring/stitching on that outfit?

*gasp* Geoff's head is missing! I Wonder What The Reason Could Be For This! /j

There's my boy <3

Also shoutout to Geoff on the acting here! Very doll-like, definitely got the characterisation down-pat!

One of the comments made a joke about "of course the first thing Geoff does after getting a body is try moving his hands around" 😂

(Also compare Geoff's hair here to his hair in one of the previous shots where he's still bodyless; different, right?)

🥺🥺🥺

God help me they're TOO CUTE

Honestly what a freaking payoff for a video that my brain was otherwise reluctant to fully process. Sure, there are reasons for at least listening to this song on Spotify, such as swoon-worthy original bridge section written by the one and only Geoff Castellucci, and the gorgeously stunning 5-part harmony on "shine" right after that bridge, but THIS ^ right here is the reason for watching the video. Shoutout to Layne, who edited this video and did the arrangement (other than the bridge, which was all Geoff's), and shoutout to both Layne and Tony, who are both credited with video concept, set design, and direction!

(And I feel like I must add that Kathy herself commented on this video, telling fans that "This only shows me creating prototype #1. You can safely assume my next projects were numbers 2, 3, 4 and 5. And they all turned out perfect 💙")

2023 was one heck of a year for Voiceplay content, so I have a lot of big videos to cover. Stay tuned!

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi !

So I've been seeing a lot of people in your asks being confused about their sexuality/gender and coming to you for advice (and you always give really good ones), and I've been seeing myself in them so I felt like sharing my experience :)

So I spent all my teenage years being utterly confused about all of it, and honestly I wish I knew a blog like yours back then because you really help people. But anyway, I used to think I would never know what my sexuality was, that I would always be in the dark, that I would never be accepted by my close ones. I also thought that I could never label myself because if I was wrong I could never recover from the embarassment. And it made me fucking miserable for quite a long time.

But now, I'm still very young (20), but I like to think I'm finally at peace with all of this. Because I did end up labelling myself, and I did end up being wrong. So I changed the label. And there was no actual embarassment. And now I feel like I finally know, that it finally feels right, in a way I never thought it could. But most importantly, I'm fine with the idea that it could change in the future. Because sexuality is a very fluid thing and there is no shame in relabelling yourself. My friends have accepted me, most of them even turned out to be queer as well. To this day, I'm still confused about my gender, but again, I'm fine with not knowing. I'm taking my time. Discovering myself, testing things out. Maybe someday I'll figure it out. Maybe I won't, and that's okay.

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say to all the confused people who are having a bad time right now is : take your time. Be gentle with yourself. You will figure yourself out soon enough. Someday, you won't be so much in the dark and you will look back and wish you had been gentler with the teenage version of you. And even if you never quite manage to find a clear answer, it's okay. I promise it won't always feel like such a big deal. There isn't one way to be yourself. You have so much more to offer to the world than a defined label.

I guess that was all :) sorry for the rambling, I hope you're having a good day :)))

ugh I am SO glad you sent this in because I can say this a thousand times (and I totally don't mind saying it, please keep writing to me, everyone) but to have another person saying it is so helpful! Yes! I agree wholeheartedly and I hope so many people read this! be gentle with yourself, guys, it's going to be okay <3