#I'm disowning this system

[system-of-a-feather]

(not actually mad)

I fucking hate this system. I'm fucking resigning at gatekeeper. I don't work this hard for this level of disrespect /j

We've been watching the fucking Ted Lasso show on Apple TV which we are largely watching cause one of the characters is stupidly just me (again) and we watch shows when characters are too much one alter (again) and it does not fucking help the dude's name is FUCKING Roy.

And so everyone the past fucking week or two has been clowning about it at me and our fiance was like "You know a lot of therapists probably watch it and its a pretty easy way to explain and introduce Ray to them" and me being fucking gatekeeper went "hold the fucking phone I think Riku literally did that" and I check and fucking christ that asshole

Like if it was the fucking stupid cockatoo that never works with me or XIV I'd be like "yeah ok thats just them" but this dumb hoe literally put on my card to the therapist "Roy Kent from Ted Lasso"

I dedicate my life to this system and being a good gatekeeper and watching out for them and I come home and all this system has for me is making [redacted] Jokes at me, [redacted] jokes at me, and calling me "roy FUCKING cunt" the sheer disrespect

I was literally fronting for more than 2 seconds for the once a month moment (I literally usually front for 2 seconds just to skip any positive trigger songs like daily since I'm always here but not interested in being out 95% of the time) and this is the bullshit I get fucking christ I hate this system /hj (mostly joking but I do hate them affectionately)

-Ray

[where-does-the-heart-lie]

Water is Thicker Than Blood Chapter 37

cw: talk of disownment and daddy issues

Sometimes trauma dumping with a stranger can be a bonding experience.

{Start} {Prev Next} {Master Post}

We're gonna start ramping up from here, yall, hope you dont mind~

I'm gonna start linking the masterpost in every new update since tumblr's tagging system is making it seem like the post doesnt exist. thanks, tumblr tagging system!

[voidpacifist]

viktor headcanons

[modern-ish edition + meljayvik because I cannot resist, also I'm desperate to see more unhinged little ideas about him outside of being everyone's favorite blorbo. we should fear that man and this is my thesis]

learned a weird amalgamation of martial arts and self defense as a kid due to growing up in zaun. despite being in what was considered the "safer" part of the underground, his mother worried he wouldn't be safe on his own. his core strength and arm strength are absolutely ridiculous

in fact, one time he was hooking up with a fellow academy student, and by the time the whole affair was over with, he was hardly breaking a sweat while the other person was trying to catch their breath. he became somewhat of a local legend at frat parties because not only can he wear someone out for hours but, allegedly, he's real freaky with it too

knows the exact monetary value of different human body organs on the black market. whether or not this is from experience is something jayce and mel are unable to determine. vi is also knowledgeable of this and has traded tragic backstories with him in detail

has had to kill a man before, and tells this to jayce frequently to win petty arguments (jayce never actually believes him, even though it is fully and one hundred percent true). it doesn't work on mel

jayce and mel have a secret chart written of how many substances viktor has tried and with how much frequency. weed is at the top of the list, with alcohol being shockingly low. in spite of coming from a slavic background, viktor didn't learn how to hold very much liquor without feeling ill, but for some reason is fine with the illicit psychedelics that grow naturally in the undercity near the runoff tunnels. so far the list is nearly half a page long

will not hit anyone with his mobility aids but will ABSOLUTELY find ways to blackmail and hustle his way out of embarrassment. he learned the blackmailing skill from mel, and frequently looks to her for information since she somehow knows the most about the student body

extremely morbid sense of humor. jokes about being fatherless/motherless behavior and then hits you with, "I would know :]." mel is an honorary member of the motherless behavior banter, considering her own mother disowned her shortly before she came to piltover

taking care of one another is equal parts give and take with him, jayce, and mel, but it's never in a way that demeans each other or exploits each other's weaknesses. for example, viktor hates being carried or manhandled without consent and finds it incredibly patronizing if someone assumes he needs help without just asking him (common sense, but the student body is full of ableist sharks). if he's having a bad pain day or is finding it hard to move, he and jayce (or he and mel, depending on time and place) have a system for getting him to or from somewhere without drawing much attention and even have specific "I need help but don't want to be stared at about it" phrases

father's half of the family is slavic and mother's half of the family is romani. cannot follow a recipe unless it has specific measurements, but can improvise ANY stew or potato based dish with little more than his nose and a few kitchen tools. jayce can improvise any dish, but will always somehow overdo the spice if it calls for spice. mel is happy to try any and everything they make (on her birthday, she's spoiled with their attempts at making the ethnic food from her family, and she'll never tell them but she's very touched by their efforts)

owned ONE pet in his life and it was a hamster. instead of freaking out over it's death, he studied it's body post mortem until his father declared it a biohazard and forced him to dispose of it

learned most of his chemists knowledge from a disgraced former academy professor, but taught himself everything else he knows (if he couldn't get access to it in school). including, for fun, how to preserve and analyze body parts. he initially wanted to be a surgeon or biomedical engineer, but then stuck with chemistry (specifically regarding infectious diseases) to try and find a cure for the grey

shows up randomly at jayces or mels dorms at strange hours in the evening/morning. the first time he showed up at mel's, she thought a burglary was being attempted. he made it out with a bad knock to the head, but she did make him tea in the aftermath as an apology (he hated it but drank the whole thing anyway)

gets stoned with jinx on the weekends, since she's the only one who can find him good, ethically sourced weed. he pays her back by teaching her things he's learning and researching at the academy

meljayvik + caitvi + timebomb dates but they have to find a way to rent out the whole place because each and every one of them has Some Kind of History with the other academy students even though jinx and ekko are still a couple years shy of college age

viktor threw up at the distinguished innovators competition because jayce did first. it was a whole disaster. they spent hours after the ordeal hyping each other up on gatorade and pure adrenaline. it was the physically worst jayce has ever felt around viktor but far from the worst viktor has ever felt around jayce. this was just days after the two of them met mel, and she spent the rest of the evening forcing them to sleep or eat something that wasn't "pure chemicals." somehow, this ended in a heated debate between herself and viktor about the validity of gatorade as a substantial meal. he still refuses to admit he lost

I've said this before and I'll say it again: he has a closet full of ramen. mel takes from his stash often

can run on caffeine and very little sleep to the point where he is physically incapable of resting like a normal human being without feeling drained. flu season is absolute hell

showed up to one of his lectures shirtless once because he was in a hurry. fed everyone who looked at him funny the most outrageous sob story about how "weak" he was, then laughed about it with mel and jayce like an absolute sociopath for days about it. jayce did not find it altogether very funny. mel and him still joke about it

beat vi in an arm wrestling contest before he got sick. still almost beat her after his diagnosis too, but still took the betting money anyway. she'll never admit she's slightly terrified of him, but it shows

can wield many different kinds of knives but is terribly clumsy when it comes to other weapons like clubs and swords and staffs. tapped out of adaptive sports within his first week because it was "boring him." spent the next month teaching martial arts to his fellow disabled peers until the board made it an official extracurricular

turned sky down in the nicest but most insane way possible. nobody knows what happened or how, just that they ended up spending MORE time together after the fact and that it involved illicit activities. the rumors were insufferable for weeks. and wildly funny

(please feel free to add more, I'm gonna start a collection)

[lina-studen]

"something floral": literature student blabbering about the usage of flower symbolism in "nevermore", how it ties to the theme of insanity and a little bit (a lot) about shakespeare.

from lenore's perspective, flowers are closely associated with isolation caused by her trauma and supposed "hysteria". floral pattern wallpaper accompanied her loneliness for days, months, even years. image of the flowers signaled that lenore's position would remain unchanged, that she was stuck, that she would continue to slowly loosing the clarity of her mind.

having torn the wallpaper off the walls, lenore believes that she will never see this image again, but flowers continue to accompanying her. lenore sees them again during her first meeting with annabel lee. and during the last one, too. she may have managed to get out of her lonely room, gain more strength in her legs, find a new friend, but lenore is still trapped. she's the daughter disowned by her parents, a stain on the family reputation that must be hidden forever. the image of flowers doesn't let her forget about it.

similar symbolism is also not alien to annabel lee. episode 66 is interesting in particular, because it directly quotes ophelia's monologue. I'm a big fan of shakespeare, it was he who instilled in me an interest in floral symbolism. a year ago, for a conference on foreign literature, I wrote an article about flower language of "hamlet". it's not available in english, but I'll list down some points that I considered relevant regarding "nevermore".

• rosemary can serve as a keepsake between lovers and also between the dead and the living. it could be seen at both weddings and funerals. in the old days it was also believed to be helpful in mental illnesses treatment.

• pansies, just like violets, symbolize innocence and devotion. ophelia doesn't consider the people around her worthy of violets, since she blames them for the death of her father.

• rue is a symbol of eternal suffering; grieving over her murdered father and the loss of her beloved hamlet, ophelia leaves some of the flowers for herself.

• the image of daisies has a close connection with the concepts of innocence, fidelity and eternal love. in shakespeare's tragedy, this symbol is overshadowed by the fact that in the world around ophelia there's no place for these beautiful things. for "nevermore" the symbol is also not so positive, since the readers are already familiar with daisies. they were on that wallpaper in lenore's room.

it's impossible not to note that annabel lee recites the monologue while in the bath, in the water. ophelia decides not to resist the river flow. her life turned into a tragedy: she was left without a father, her lover has seemingly lost his mind. her own sanity is also called into question. ophelia sings cryptic songs, goes into the field to weave a wreath, gives flowers to other characters. in the eyes of those around them, hamlet and ophelia seem crazy, while being the only sane and honest people among them. there's no place for tender, innocent ophelia in a cruel, deceitful world, so she drowns.

annabel lee also reflects on how both she and lenore are considered madwomen. her meeting with "leo" is accompanied by floral pattern on the annabel's dress. their madness is contextual, they both are perfectly sane, but don't fit into the system that could be leading to real madness with time. "all madwomen die twice. at least twice".

now about the arboretum. it obviously has a lot of flowers, but in my opinion this place is interesting in a different context. lenore and annabel visited the arboretum twice to discuss upcoming plans and such, and there are many parallels, both visual and narrative. not much time has passed since last time, but their situation has changed. they seem to look on their past selves from the upper level, having their conflict more acute now. I'll make a more detailed post about it later.

and now I'll just focus on how the characters in this arboretum full of roses behave as lost and confused as in the phobia-inducing flower labyrinth from earlier episodes. “the closer you get to beautiful flowers, the closer you get to their thorns,” says duke in episode 38. the flower imagery haunting the main characters doesn't let them forget that their sanity is always on a verge of slipping. and once a flower falls from its stem, it cannot be fixed.

p.s. guess which writer’s works I chose for a new article this year?

[doberbutts]

I can't understand the idea that someone outside of an oppressed group cannot be victims of violence towards that oppressed group. That anon you deleted, the one who got mad and went "so cis people can experience transphobia!?!" Have you not read the news lately? What? What is happening to Imane Khalif right now? When you are past some arbitrary "acceptable range" of looks, behavior, etc., you become a target. As a cis woman who grew up in a conservative area, having "boyish interests" was enough for me to be subject to slurs and abuse. And it stuck around past that, because I have a small chest and broad shoulders, a long face. Whatever. Systems of oppression effect everyone under them because they all rely on "passing". You are required to reach a bar and to look and perform in certain ways and that bar is ever changing.

Well, that's why when someone was in my replies being upset that I asked how Khelif could be considered TME when transmisogyny was actively happening to her, one of the things I responded to said person was:

I don't understand how discussion the widespread effect of a systemic form of oppression and how it affects other things or is used as a weapon in other things, at all damages or erases the conversation that said systemic form of oppression is a problem. If anything, it's spreading further awareness.

I understand if the concern is that not enough people are caring about the trans women to whom transmisogyny happens on a regular basis, and are instead only ever caring about non trans fems and their relationship with being on the receiving end of transmisogyny. That is a problem, and it's one that does need to be talked about more often.

However I don't think any other form of oppression is specifically locked to only the people who identify as that oppressed demographic. Men experience misogyny. White people experience racism. Abled people experience ableism. "You throw like a girl" "you're not my daughter if you marry that black man" "what are you, deaf?" these are all things that are experienced by the "wrong" demographic, because in truth? The demographic doesn't matter.

These are systems we're talking about- the system of misogyny is what leads boys who fail to be masculine enough to be compared to girls as a way to state they are inferior, because the point is that with the system of misogyny, girls are inherently inferior to boys. Therefore, calling a boy a girl is calling him weaker, lesser, and not good enough.

The system of racism is what leads white parents to disown their children if their children date outside of their race. The point is that under the system of racism, interracial dating is seen as an aberration, and these racist parents then reject their own children for daring to love someone who is not white.

The system of ableism is what leads people to make comparisons to disability when bringing up someone's shortcomings. Disabled people are largely seen as failures in abled society, so by pointing to disability whenever faced with what is perceived as inadequacy, the system of ableism operates to continue to associate being disabled with worthlessness, and being abled with having worth.

Hell, it was not that long ago that "gay" and "retarded" were used as synonyms for "bad" and "stupid". Some people still use these words that way. It was a fucking Rick and Morty joke a few years ago, this isn't ancient history.

So when I'm told that I don't experience a system of oppression based solely on my labeled demographic and not on my actual lived experience, my immediate first thought is "that's not how systems of oppression work, literally everyone experiences these things in different ways, because that's what is meant when we call something systemic, it means the entire fucking system is built around this as a crux of logic"

Which is very weird to me then when someone tells me that by saying Khelif is/was experiencing transmisogyny, I'm erasing trans women. How? I genuinely don't understand how that's possible when I'm saying that the explicit hatred and fear of the trans woman boogeyman is what led us here in the first place. I am saying "this comes directly from people pushing transmisogynistic rulings for years and was always going to be the end result when they finally excluded all the actual trans women". I'm saying "it was bad logic when applied to trans women and it's bad logic even now, being applied to a [self-identified] perisex cisgender 'biological' woman and we should have put our foot down about it years ago when trans women and intersex women were actually competing".

Transmisogyny is a system of oppression. The system is functioning normally even when it fires at targets it's "not supposed to". That's what happens under systemic oppression. That's a feature, not a bug.

[sysmedsaresexist]

Not so gentle reminder

Myths and Facts

- fictives, introjects, comfort characters, NPCs are signs of faking - these are all normal, recognized things in DID. These alters can come on suddenly or gradually. See the next point.

- alters only form during times of high stress or (re-)traumatization, they don't appear out of nowhere - while there is some truth to this, it's not that simple and is certainly not a form of faking. Alters can take years to show up after an event, and they might not know why they formed. It can be very hard to pinpoint an alter's reason/time frame for creation, leading many to misinterpret an alters origin. It's also common for some systems to split fragments very easily, and for reasons that can be boiled down to minor inconveniences. These fragments can and do take identity from media.

- people use systemhood to avoid accountability - while there are people who do this, please be cognizant that the point of DID is dissociation-- the disownment of one's actions, emotions, and memories. There is a good chance that the person you're accusing of faking is actually in an extremely bad situation mentally and is doing the exact thing people with DID do. System accountability is a learned behaviour that comes with healing and system communication. For some, it comes easy, for others, it's a sign of being in a bad mental state and trained reactions to confrontation. Please note: it's not your job to help them. Say your piece and move on, you're not going to fix anything there.

- only the worst of the worst forms of abuse can cause DID - repeated and longterm emotional neglect is the leading cause of DID, and is theorized to be more damaging than physical and sexual abuse combined.

Relevant articles because I'm lazy

Remember to be kind to others. We're all struggling in our own ways.

[1americanconservative]

@Bitcoin4Freedom

I can't stand Donald Trump. He is braggy, he insults people for no reason, and he is just a brutal personality. But my mind is made up. I'm voting for him and here's why: * He puts Americans and their well-being first. Kamala will not. * He will bring

@elonmusk

into his cabinet to be the efficiency czar and get rid of waste. This alone may be the best single reason to vote for him. * He will bring

@RobertKennedyJr

into his cabinet to Make American Healthy Again. He will finally get to the bottom of why our food companies are destroying the health of our children. * I'm sick of the way the media lies continuously about

@realDonaldTrump

, starting with the incessant racism claims. They are just nonsense. The latest thing I learned? He sent his plane to fly Nelson Mandela home after he was in jail with the U.S. wouldn't do it. Racist? No. * I'm sick of the U.S. being embroiled in foreign wars. Trump will keep us out of them again. He's just crazy enough that foreign nations will stand down. They have no fear of Kamala. They will fear him. * Trump sees this country as fundamentally good. Kamala sees it as inherently evil. * Trump will end the nonsense of the open border which makes our country less secure, less financially stable, and brings in millions of people illegally who compete for Americans' jobs. * This government has to print billions to care for the illegals. That makes all of our dollars less valuable and makes prices zoom upward. * He will stockpile Bitcoin. * He will keep men out of women's bathrooms and women's sports. * He is a heavyweight personality and negotiator. Kamala is a phony personality and a lightweight negotiator. * The people who want Kamala Harris to win are the most annoying people in the country. They have pushed for pronouns, masks, endless vaccines, cancel culture, riots, blatant racism towards whites, gender confusion, undermining the U.S. constitution. * He will upset the current political system. He was nearly the victim of assassination 3x. And he keeps going. He's not the best in interviews, but he at least puts himself out there. Over and over and over. Kamala hasn't done a single press conference. * Harris and the media trying to prop her up hid Biden's cognitive decline. They accuse

@realDonaldTrump

of being a threat to democracy. Yet she was installed as the nominee with no votes. She wants to pack the Supreme Court. She wants to eliminate the filibuster. She sued

@RobertKennedyJr

to keep him off the ballot. And the threat to democracy is Trump? Nonsense. * Those who support Harris look at Trump supports as vile, stupid, ignorant, and fascists. They disown family members or disinvite them from Thanksgiving dinner of they support Trump. This is disgraceful. * Every time she talks, I try to give her a chance. But she is the most phony and condescending politician I have ever seen. Ever. I can't do it. I won't do it. * She and those who support her are resistant to Voter ID and believe requiring an ID is racist. Her Department of Justice is suing the state of Virginia for trying to purge the voter rolls of illegals. Why would we not want 1 vote per 1 U.S. citizen? Is it more racist to believe people from the inner city are perfectly capable of securing a government issued ID? Or to believe they are incapable? That's it. I'm done. Thanks for hearing me out.

[alexandraisyes]

This is a flag I found for ASPD. There's an entire archive of support flags for people with different kinds of Cluster B Disorders. I just really like this version.

Antisocial Personality Disorder can be disabling and is considered a social disability. Depending on the psychologist it’s also considered an emotional disability like ADHD or Bipolar.

This may not make sense at a glance, but there’s psychologically found logic behind this.

People with ASPD have severe Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Chronic Depressive Disorder, and General Anxiety Disorder GAD).

The disorder also tends to be comorbid with Bipolar Disorder, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), and Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder (DDD), as well as some psychotic disorders like Brief Psychosis Disorder and Schizophrenia. although these last two aren't as common.

There's also a chance for people with ASPD to have overlapping traits from other Cluster-B Disorders (NPD, BPD, HPD). And many people with ASPD struggle with impulse disorders. Common impulse disorders related to ASPD are as follows:

Intermittent Explosive Disorder (IED): Characterized by recurrent outbursts of verbal or physical aggression that are disproportionate to the provocation.

Kleptomania: A recurrent urge to steal items that are not needed for personal use or for their monetary value.

Pyromania: An impulse control disorder characterized by recurrent and deliberate fire-setting behavior.

Pathological Gambling: Persistent and recurrent problematic gambling behavior that leads to significant distress or impairment.

Trichotillomania (Hair-Pulling Disorder): An irresistible urge to pull out one's own hair, resulting in noticeable hair loss.

Many people with ASPD also struggle with addiction and may be fighting addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, shopping, binge eating, and social media because these are quick endorphin fixes that help us feel something due to the inherent nature of ASPD to be numb almost 24/7.

It's extremely rare for someone with ASPD to get disability aid. Which probably sounds ridiculous, when you look at this massive list of issues. A large part of it is our society. People tend to see someone who has a label that is synonymous with Sociopath and Psychopath (there's a difference between the two) and immediately want them in jail. And it doesn't matter how long they've known that person, or what their relationship is. (I got dumped last year when my ex found out I have ASPD and almost disowned during Christmas when I told my dad. The only reason I haven't been being that he thinks it's a demonic issue that can be "cured with prayer".)

On top of that, our psychology system isn't built to handle someone with a personality disorder like ASPD (or even NPD). I get told a lot "You're really self-aware." Which is basically them saying they aren't going to help you. Of course I'm self-aware if I'm going into the therapist's office for advice (at the least) and actual help (would be great), but I get turned away because if I'm "self-aware", so I should be able to figure it out. This isn't an issue that pertains directly to ASPD, it's also one that affects every disorder that's hard for a neurotypical to understand.

This is more personal. Feel free to read this in a mildly irritated, but not very much, tone of voice. Preferably a tired scholar from Skyrim, that'll make my day.

I cannot function in today's society. I can't hold down a job, and I've tried time and time again. I get a few months in and I hit a wall and my mental health goes to shit. I had to quit my last job for my physical safety because I got bored with just life in general, to the point I was seriously considering sticking my arm in a fry vat.

I haven't even managed to get a proper diagnosis because I don't have health insurance, and I have so many false disorders on my medical diagnosis sheet from my narcissistic father bullying my long-term therapist into giving me damn near every disorder except for ADHD and Conduct Disorder (I was below the age of 18, but it would have helped me in the here and now with securing the diagnosis I need for medical reasons.) Growing up several doctors I worked with wanted to get me set up for an ASPD diagnosis and my father told them no. And because of where I lived I had no say in it, and even if I did my father was abusive, so goodbye to ever speaking up for myself.

On top of that, I'm a woman. There's a severe gender bias in ASPD, as well as the fact that women with ASPD are reportedly less likely to be physically aggressive and more likely to be mentally aggressive, so our symptoms show up slightly differently than the stereotype. And don't even get me started on the stereotypes. Plus women are more likely to be studied for comorbid disorders than psychologists even considering ASPD. This is the same shit autistic women struggled with.

There's a massive underreporting in the female ASPD populace because of this, and a lot more masking going on because everything gets chalked up to "she's just a bitch" or "hormones". There's also just not enough research done on females with ASPD to understand how it may be different from a male with ASPD.

I'm tired. I've been fighting for a year to get people to recognize me as an individual who deals with ASPD. Every time I run into threats of being abandoned (which is horrible, considering I was abused and then abandoned by my biological mom, then put in foster care for the next 4 years), or the road block of "You're a woman. Are you sure you don't have BPD? That's the female disorder." Or just getting tired of the uphill slope. I only have so much stamina, and sure I have a lot of spite for the world, but eventually that's going to run out too. And then I'll probably kill myself.

The suicide rate in general is less than 2%.

The suicide rate for people with ASPD is 23%.

[kaiserposting]

My OCs' jersey number explanations ramblings ^_^

Tsubasa - #13 (usual jersey)

Tsubasa's birthday is February 13. So purely in terms of personality, Tsubasa is egocentric and self-absorbed enough to use his birth date as his preferred jersey that he insists on wearing

Now onto the meta stuff:

Well we all know 13 is the cliched bad luck number in Western culture. Tsubasa in his backstory has many unlucky circumstances surrounding his life. Btw I know Gesner is #13 in BM but let's be honest Tsubasa is more important (my beloved oshi). I think it can also have a double meaning, unlucky number 13 as in you're unlucky to be against him rather than the sole fact that he, himself, is unlucky.

Tsubasa is a self-reliant person & player who always preserves so it can be a case of someone "making their own luck" no matter the circumstance as well.

He has a lot of strange beliefs and conventions so being symbolized by a superstitious number also fits him thematically. For example he believes in angels and the death-rebirth cycle and other such not scientifically proven to exist things.

Tsubasa's character has a theme surrounding an obsession with "death" both literal and symbolic (as his goal of self-realization and also his definition of "change" lies in "death" in his own mind, hence the obsession with "dying", and to him "death" is "repentance" for what he "has done", which according to him is "being born").

The death-rebirth cycle samsara is a Buddhist belief. In Japanese beliefs about Buddhist deities, there are thirteen Buddhas who also play an important role in traditional funerals (once again bringing it back to the theme of death and rebirth in his own personal belief system + as well as the fact that he veers spiritual).

The number 13 itself in astrology and tarot readings is sometimes associated with transformation and rebirth, and the End of one cycle onto the beginning of another. The "Death" card is number 13 in the major arcana - the card itself also symbolizes renewal.

In Japanese & Chinese numerology: 1 + 3 = 4, "shi" = death, traditonally four is considered unlucky in Japanese culture even if 13 itself isn't.

#42 - U-20 match jersey specifically

4 + 2 = "shini" = "to death", again considered an unlucky number, in Tsubasa's case more so means "I'll play to death", i.e. "I'll play until I'm renewed". It's also pretty edgy and contrarian all things considered since a superstitious Japanese person would usually avoid having this as a jersey number.

Mael - #5

Mael's jersey number as well as most things about him are meant to be ironic in some way/bully him.

In Japanese numerology, it's considered a lucky number. It's also associated with the Chinese concept of the "five elements"/Wuxing, so it is said sometimes that number 5 brings luck and blessings, which Mael lacks from birth.

The deficient destructive cycle in Wuxing is the fifth phase "counteracting" (fire evaporates water, water destabilizes earth, etc) -> Mael has a reactive and explosive personality that is harmful to him and others lying within his trigger prone behavior.

In Christian numerology, number 5 symbolizes grace and God's unwavering love towards humankind, which is again ironic because Mael is born in an unfavorable situation and struggles to move on.

God's fifth commandment is "Honor your mother and your father" -> Mael was born into an abusive household to drug addicts who neglected him and later on disowned him. Since birth they gave him nothing and were nobodies to him. Number 5 symbolizes God's favor culturally, but Mael was not born in his favor, and afterwards he fails to adjust to a normal and stable self and living.

In Buddhism there are also five precepts that serve as the base morality principle for enlightenment and the path so salvation.

The five precepts forbid the following: killing of both animals and humans, theft and other things along those lines (fraud, forgery), sexual misconduct (i.e. sexual acts which are either forceful, unethical or adulterous in nature), spoken falsehood (lying, gossiping, verbal aggression), intoxication (alcohol, drugs, occasionally smoking is counted).

Out of those Mael is guilty - and often! - of theft, verbal aggression/malicious speech, intoxication (both as someone who uses stimulants and drinks frequently and even sold substances in the past).

TL;DR MAEL IS NOT MAKING IT TO NIRVANA WITH THIS ONE 😂😂😂 HE IS STUCK IN THE CYCLE 😂😂😂😂

[thecloudcrusade]

I'm not quiet about being trans and participating in the fight for trans rights, so let's talk about college.

Being trans, especially non binary, can actually make it harder to get into college. Some schools genuinely don't recognize non binary as an existing gender and will simply deny the student instead of considering how they should improve their systems. Along with that, single-sex or religious schools especially express that they do not want queer/trans students attending, and I've even personally seen schools that actively denounce or oppose being queer as a whole. This makes it significantly harder for the members of the community who are religious to continue their faith in a religious school.

Even if a trans person does get accepted, safety becomes an issue. According to UCLA's website, in a survey of over 27,000 trans adults, 24% said they were harassed, be it verbally, physically, or sexually. That is horrifying. That is over 6,480 people. These people also face high rates of bullying, even from teachers, who are meant to be authority figures and role models.

Let's add to this lovely stew with debt. It's no secret that college is expensive, that's its own problem. On top of that, though, many trans people have to deal with lack of funding from family that may have disowned them, or the worry that they won't be able to afford HRT or surgery in the future to help alleviate dysphoria. That shouldn't have to be a luxury.

But wait, there's more! According to Lambda Legal, many schools don't acknowledge a student's preferred gender identity. They will be placed in the dorms assigned with their sex from birth, made to use locker rooms they aren't comfortable in, and required to use the restroom assigned to their gender at birth. They make it difficult and sometimes impossible to change your gender on your student ID and in their systems, and some don't even use preferred names, leading to deadnaming from teachers and staff, and by extension, fellow students.

Now, of course, things are better than they used to be. But settling for better never made any progress. Think of it like baking. Your first cookies came out way too salty, so you halved the amount you put in. They're less salty now, sure, but it's still too much salt. Don't settle for 'less salty', keep improving your recipe. We shouldn't have to settle for "at least we have more rights than we did in the 50s". Of course we do. We have better medicine, better women's rights, and better computers too! We shouldn't just settle though. We should keep fighting, we should make it so people in the future can look back and say "we're doing much better than how we were doing in the 2020s". Don't just give up because things are "better".

[koroart]

On the topic of Lambert and Matthias' relationship, do you think it ever deteriorated even slightly due to Miklan and Slyvian? Well, Matthias' attitude towards the 2. Cause it is a bit of a repeat of Rufus and Lambert himself. If a few caveats, of course. Rufus was never disowned, but still, like Miklan was passed over for the younger crest bearing sibling. Probably why Dimitri was an only child

Oh aaaaaaabsolutely!

Lambert would definitely have confronted Matthias about his treatment of his sons -- because while yes, he does understand Matthias' grief of his first wife and unborn child dying ( seeing how Lambert would lose his first wife too eventually), what Lambert couldn't understand was why Matthias retreated so far into himself?

His children need him! And Sylvain wasn't even around when it had occurred! Why does he have to suffer such neglect? Why? Especially when he needs his father there to support him! To protect him! The argument that ends up happening definitely was a game changer in their relationship ( someone probably got punched in the face, hint: It wasn't Lambert ). They aren't as close anymore but that doesn't mean they can't be civil with one another. after all, Lambert is still Matthias' king and Matthias isn't that petty to disregard his king and their roles in each other's lives, he can keep things professional. The civility of course, is mostly for Rodrigue's sake, he was the one who probably broke up their argument, pleading for both of them to stop and talk things out. That probably hasn't happened yet though, much to Rodrigue's disappointment. His friends are stubborn fools.

Despite the rift between them, they don't let it get in the way of their children becoming friends -- after all, their feud is not their burden. Though Dimitri and Sylvain hope that eventually, their fathers could be friends again.

I definitely feel Lambert would have a soft spot for Sylvain because, in many ways, he sees himself in him. A younger brother, born with a crest they never asked for, expected to carry on the family legacies and shoulder great responsibility, growing up with distant and cold fathers and have older brothers who resent them just for being born. Acting out in school, whether it was for attention or deep personal reasons. But Lambert treats Sylvain with kindness and warmth, like he would his own child and looks out for him! I'm sure Sylvain would feel a sort of kindred spirit in Lambert too -- and I think a very small part of him is a little jealous that Dimitri gets to grow up with a father like Lambert...Just a little.

And speaking of Dimitri growing up an only child -- that's definitely another reason why Lambert wound up not having more children. Despite it being expected of the royal family to have more than one, in a historical context anyways. He wouldn't want any relationship Dimitri would have with any sibling to be strained and end up like him and Rufus, or like Miklan and Sylvain. So in a way, it was a stroke of luck that Dimitri was born crested and even then, his first wife ended up passing not even two years after and with Patricia/Anselma; I feel Lambert just couldn't find it in him in wanting to have a family with her and even if he did, Cornelia put a stop to any of that.

Though deep down, Lambert probably would have wanted more children, were it not for this accursed system they had in place.

[bonefall]

Reading your post about the DOTC leaders made me wonder - in BB, when does the DOTC naming style shift into the modern naming style? If they're already using modern-style names by the time Windstar's (possible) grandson is leader, that seems pretty quick - unless Cloudberry and Ryewhisker had DOTC-style names originally, and just got called modern-style names later on.

They did originally have DOTC style names! There's going to be more shuffles soon as I move to expand the Forest Cats into a third major cultural group, but I'm planning for all three of these groups to contribute to the naming system.

The older story, which I'm going to be shuffling now, is that two-part names came from Mountain Cats, but the name changes come from Park Cats.

Mountain Cats have a given prefix, and a familial suffix.

Whichever familial suffix the kittens receive is "political." Usually the names are split evenly, so as an example, Jackdaw Cry and Hawk Swoop named one twin Lightning Cry, and the other twin Acorn Swoop, but Clear Sky insisted that ALL of his kittens receive Sky as their familial suffix. Except Thunder Storm, of course, who he disowned.

This stops being used after the collapse of the River Kingdom and the massive conflict that came from the succession crisis. After that, Byyrkabraw, directly translated as "scab-forming" and roughly translated as "nepotism," becomes a taboo to be avoided. Sharing last names with your parents and family took on a bad, biased connotation for several generations.

Thus, the system dies in Clan Culture. However, it persists and evolves in Tribe Culture! Brook's name in BB is Brook Where-It-Swirls, and she shares the last name with her two brothers. They've kept last names, but the last names have gotten longer.

What DOES remain in Clan Culture is that Mountain-descendant cats 'prefer' 2-part names, and like to say the entire thing. It's Mountain culture that creates Clanmew's preference for contractions rather than syllable-shortening.

As an example, for a long name like... Dandelionbreeze, send her back in time to talk to a Park or Forest cat and they'll shorten her name to "Dan" or "Lion" or "Bree." It's the Mountain cat who would call her "Danzy," which becomes part of being 'polite' in Clanmew name shortenings.

Park Cats are born "nameless," and earn names as they grow.

It's PARK culture that was so centralized and ceremonial, with kings and a clearer hierarchy. As kits, they're just called by a characteristic trait. The Biggest One, Little Ears, Ginger. Their first real name is given when they're assigned as an apprentice, and they become [Mentor's Nickname] [Dominant Paw].

So as an example, because the prince is always mentored by their father and the king at the time was Arc-of-Park, Riverstar's very first name was Arc's Paw.

Once they're fully trained, they can earn titles. On average, a cat will earn two or three of these in their lifetime, discounting outliers like Titles Georg. These are three words or less, and usually reference strengths and achievements. Willow Flayed Bare, Slate Keeper, The Wind Runner.

These titles are made official by the King, which is where Warrior Name changes originally stem from.

In a situation where Park Cats have left their kingdom, they will turn towards the cat they recognize as an authority to make these name changes. In WindCo, either the "parriarch" of a homestead would bestow these names, or The Wind Runner herself. Thunder Storm began doing it on request, as the Park Cats who joined his cause wanted their names to come from him.

It's not seen as "appropriate" for a cat to name themself... but there are rebellious cats, who may forge their own titles, if they're willing to eat the social implications.

River's Ripple was quite independent. He came up with his own name, and then asked his papa to make the name official. King Arc of Park argued with him a lot about this, especially because the name he chose sounded a lot like an apprentice's title, and only caved in when he realizes there would be a MASSIVE scandal if it looked like his prince would willingly bypass the will of his father entirely.

(The Wind Runner's name was "crowdsourced." She didn't give it to herself; that's what WindCo calls her.)

Forest Cat names...

So there's the two-parts from the Mountain cats, and the name changes from the Park cats... and now I'm trying to work in a third element here, which I'm still trying to figure out.

I'm thinking of putting ranks into their names, since I'm starting with a given that Slash/Shai/Silverpelt is their leader. Maybe have it so that the name the Park/Mountain cats call him is "Slashes" in reference to his leg markings, but his real name is Silver-Star, with all of his cats just referring to him as his rank, Silver (formally) or his given name, Star (informally)

(Over time his name is going to become Silverpelt. They believe that he became heaven itself. Ssoen becomes Clanmew's opening particle for omnipotent knowledge, Star becoming the leader suffix.)

Then make it so that his followers follow the Rank-Given name system. So there's Claw-Milkweed, her daughter Kit-Bramble, a good hunter might be Whisker-Violet. So, over a very short number of generations, both the Forest Cat and Park Cat naming systems start to meld, since it's not all that different.

ALSO NOTEWORTHY: The Wind Coalition was more mixed with Forest Cats than the River Kingdom was. So the Park/Forest name schemes beginning to mix together would be beginning up on the Moor, while there would be more Mountain/Forest mixing happening in Thunder's Clan.

This is a WIP section btw, these guys are still extremely new.

Anyway, skip forward a few generations

Cloudberry's and Ryewhisker's names aren't the ones they had in life. The were active 25-ish years after DOTC, after the collapse of the River Kingdom when things had begun to "settle down."

With the Law of the Deputy, Commandment 3, WindCo and River Kingdom are now Clans. They operate with a Leader and a Deputy.

In-canon, Cloudberry is the daughter of the RiverClan leader, Emberstar. I'm not sure if that's going to remain; because I still haven't chosen who Riverstar's successor is. The Law of Loyalty is Commandment 4 and I'm committed to Duststar of WindClan being alive and in a position of power during the succession crisis.

It could be that Cloudberry's father is Riverstar's successor, OR I swap Ryewhisker to be Duststar's son/grandson instead and include a small detail that Duststar feels a need to prove he's NOT being biased in favor of his dead descendant by forcing this commandment through.

Maybe both, that could be fun. Romeow and Mewliet type thing. Two Clans, alike in their digkitty.

Anyway, point being, Cloudberry is from Park Cat culture as a member of RiverClan, which was heavily influenced by some pretty open travel between the groups under Riverstar's rule. The modern naming system was coming together, as cats of these three cultures mixed, but it wasn't quite there yet. So Cloudberry probably had a full title, while Ryewhisker had a title and a rank.

It might even be a translation quirk. Cloudberry is also called "knout," and it's a red-orange fruit that comes to be heavily valued in the Clans. Knout Berry Keeper, which is only remembered as Knout-Berry, written as Cloudberry.

(It would be cute if the direct translation was Cloudberry Cloud.)

For Ryewhisker, the most I know with him is that he's somehow related to the guy who invents Tunnelbuns, or at LEAST some kind of inventive contributor (such as a person who invents bread). He gets his name from that-- Rye is one of the most easily accessible grains.

I haven't nailed their names down yet, since by the modern era, they're known as Cloudberry and Ryewhisker. But they did actually have different names, which have changed over the years.

They also didn't speak Modern Clanmew, their native tongue was actually the border between the Mountain/Park/Forest pidgin and the creole language that would soon be born! A linguist might describe it as Ancient Clanmew.

[class1akids]

The way toga grief towards losing jin was sidelined and how uraraka never really comfort toga about jin was kinda weird to me

Yeah - this is why I'm not as big a fan of that fight as the whole fandom seems to be.

The PLF war confrontation between Toga and Ochako centered on the question of "who gets save by the heroes?" mirroring Ochako's question of "who saves the heroes". And then the answer Ochako gives "girl, even if that's what pleases you, you can't just go around killing people and expect no consequences" (which is valid, but is not exactly a response to Toga's question) pushes Toga further into grief.

Then Toga makes another attempt - this time with Deku and asks "what you want to do with me" and Deku's response "I can't imagine being like you - hurting the ones you claim to love" further escalates Toga.

And I think here the fight shifts away a bit from Toga's grief and more towards validating her own way of being. Or rather in a way, the two is conflated into the same: Jin got killed because his quirk was judged too dangerous and he wouldn't back down.

So I guess Ochako's attempts to understand her make Toga feel like a "person" who is not just to be stopped, but also seen as a human being. But in the end, Ochako is just one person and her calling Toga's smile pretty will not solve all the systemic issues around toxic quirk counselling, the way dangerous quirks are treated from childhood, the pressure to conform, the lack of mental care for people like Jin, the way the marginalized or poor are treated, families that disown their "difficult children". And I think the outcome of the fight recognizes that as Toga stays suicidal and says that the world as is doesn't work for her but the destruction doesn't make her happy either.

So even if Toga is "saved", she feels like her only option is to die and Ochako is clearly not happy with this outcome (btw, I still think Toga will live). There is no alternative for them, because Toga and Ochako are just two "normal teenage girls" with limited tools and the world they live in doesn't foster that understanding. Ochako reached and saved Toga's soul on a personal level, but in the grand scheme of things, nothing changed (yet).

I feel like this is maybe the outcome of all 3 fights - Toga's, Toya's and Tenko's "inner child" all got a moment of acceptance / relief they needed, but in the end, a bunch of teenagers reaching out in empathy can only go so far if the systemic issues have not been addressed.

And if Hori puts some effort into these issues in the epilogue - it can tie together quite well. Toga's and Uraraka's story can touch the heart of people to start to think about quirk discrimination and it could inspire people with the real power (like Hawks for example, if he becomes like the head of HPSC) to make changes to crucial aspects of how society works with buy-in from the public opinion.

I definitely feel like the narrative would let both the LoV Trio and the Savior squad down if everything stayed the same. But if the villains' issues become something the hero kids deeply care about on a broader level, their efforts can ignite a change. Then something good can come out of the confrontations, something important that can reach a new common ground between "destruction" and "bringing it all back".

[sergeantcowboy]

Hey I'm gonna pretend like the western worlds decent toward facism isn't a thing and that the already fundamendally flawed democratic system of the US isn't actively collapsing in on itself as we speak, I'm gonna share some oc facts.

(In all seriousness: to all my american followers or whoever happens to see this please stay safe. If you're part of any of the groups trageted by the right wing please keep yourself alive, they want you gone and just being alive is already resistance. I believe in you.)

Wow look at that! OC facts! (Mainly Crow's backstory and family stuff)

TW: parental death

Crow was born in New Jersey to a teen mom who had him at 16. He spent the majority of his childhood being raised by his grandparents.

His mom still lived with them, aside from some of the time in his early childhood where she attended community college for a bit.

She's a very nice woman and did her best but she was mostly clueless about parenting. Even as a small child Crow recognized her insecurity in that area but he still loved her.

His full name is Simon Francis Trevino. At this point he's so used to Crow he actually reacts a millisecond later when someone calls him by his actual name.

He hasn't met his father but at this point he isn't even really interested in the guy. His mom didn't talk about him much either.

Crow got bullied as a kid. He did have some friends in the neighborhood, but not anyone at school. He went to a catholic school that was in a different area, meanwhile his neighborhood friends went to the local public school.

His family is originally from the domican republic, both of his grandparents were born there. His grandfather's family immigrated to the US when he was still a child. His grandmother immigrated to the US as a young adult.

He speaks spanish very poorly, much to his grandparents disappointment.

His grandpa is kinda too into toxic masculinity, he has tried to raise Crow to be "manlier" from day one.

He's also not a fan of the fact that Crow likes other guys but he's not outright disowning him over it. He's just kinda awkward about it.

Same with his grandma, she's leaning on being more accepting though.

Both still prefer to call him "creative" or "different" if it comes up around extended family or neighbors.

Around the time Crow was 13 he got into a fight with a bully over a stolen diary. The fight got more violent than anticipated and the bully ended up hitting Crow's head on the pavement, resulting in his eyebrow scar.

As per tradition in school, they both got expelled for a week for fighting, despite the fact that the bully had been the one stealing Crow's property. The bully was also clearly the one with the upperhand in the situation. Crow did start the fight... cough

Crow had already been lashing out a bit at some of his classmates for the bullying, and after that incident he was officially branded as a "problem child" by the school.

His grandparents made the decision to send him to bullworth academy, partially to set him straight (not like that) and partially to "toughen up" a bit.

Around the same time they, along with Crow's mom, had been planning that she could take full custody of him and move away to learn more independence and also have a more "conventional family life". So instead of just sending Crow to live in the dorms, he and his mom moved to bullworth where they rented an apartment and his mom went on to work from part-time job to job.

She even worked as a maid for the Harrington household for a bit, before being diagnosed with breast cancer and getting fired so that the Harringtons could avoid having to pay any sick leave.

Her cancer was diagnosed late, so it was already at stage IV, and it was one of the more aggressive forms of breast cancer (triple-negative).

Despite getting help from his grandparents, they could barely afford the treatments. Crow started doing odd jobs around town and eventually started selling stuff at school for some more cash. It proved to be more profitable than he initially thought, he was around 14 years old at the time.

Crow and his mom had already made plans to move back to New Jersey to save more money and to be more around family, but she passed away before that could happen.

Crow went back to New Jersey for a bit, attending her funeral and taking a break from school, but after a month he and his grandparents made the decision to send him back to Bullworth where he'd live in the dorms now.

Crow continued his side business at school mainly because he realized he liked the adrenaline rush of doing something that wasn't allowed, and that was before he was even selling cigarettes and alcohol.

At the age of 15 he started getting into that part of his business as well. He also started spending time in his dorm room learning how to forge signatures just to make counterfeit hall passes and such.

He also started smoking because he got too curious about cigarettes. And, well... he already had some packs to sell, might as well try one.

He doesn't stay at bullworth during christmas, preferring to go to his grandparents house.

Even though he spends a most of his time there doing chores and helping around the house.

And even though he doesn't like dressing up to go church every christmas morning.

He still wants to see his family.

And visit his mother's grave.

[wheelie-sick]

Hi! I’m just curious why you’re anti-psychiatry and the reasoning behind it if you’re comfortable sharing? I want to take care to specifically learn the reasoning so I can educate myself upon them, I’ve wanted to be a psychiatrist since I was a kid and so I’m wary of making any mistakes in my profession that could damage others or perpetuate harm. Thank you so much for your time. /genq

okay, first of all I'd recommend reading my post here which talks about why there are no good psychiatrists and this post here about how some people being helped by the system does not make the system good. they're long but the first is pretty foundational to my beliefs on psychiatry and the second covers the most common rebuttal I hear for antipsychiatry.

putting the rest of this under a cut because it's really fucking long because I wanted to provide some context to my beliefs and there's a lot of context

my foundational reasoning for being antipsychiatry comes from listening to other's experiences. I did not have a traumatic experience with psychiatry directly. I'm not going to repeat other's traumatic experiences but if you look through the antipsychiatry tags you can definitely find some of the repulsive things the psychiatric industry has done. my belief in antipsychiatry also comes from my experiences with therapy.

I have been cycled through many therapists who dropped me for being "too complicated" for them. my second most recent therapist I dropped after constant abuse from him.

-> TW for therapeutic abuse until "why I'm antipsychiatry" <-

my issues with my old therapist began when I first started seeing him. I was being actively abused at home and every time I tried to talk about the physical and emotional violence I was experiencing at home from my former father he would shut me down and tell me it was not abuse.

-> TW for descriptions of physical abuse for the next paragraph <-

I told him about the attempts to shove me down stairs. the times I was dragged around. the times I was thrown into the couch. the times I had my face slammed into a wall. the restraint. the hitting. the punching. the grabbing. I told him in detail. my mom has since admitted that I was abused by my former father.

He did not think it was abuse. he had an obligation to report this to CPS and he never did. he told me it was not abuse the minute I brought it up, before I ever even tried to use the word abuse. I could never talk about the violence I was experiencing because I would get shut down every time and eventually I gave up.

-> TW for emotional abuse for the next 2 paragraphs <-

several years later my former father disowned me. (that's why I call him my former father) he told me that he did not see me as his child anymore, that he hated me. he said some other rather disgusting things about me, most of which I will not repeat, but one sticks out. he told me mom that she should handle my being trans as if she was dealing with a dog; when it (and yes, he used the word it) misbehaves you should ignore it. this all happened in a single conversation.

in my next therapy session I was distraught. I didn't like my former father but it never feels good to be disowned. I was trying to talk to my therapist about this and I said "he hates me" my therapist doubted me and asked me "did he say he hates you or are you just perceiving he hates you" trying to, dare I say, gaslight me into thinking this was all my perception. he did this to me frequently when I brought up the emotional abuse I was experiencing. I said "yes, yes he did say that" and things got really quiet because for once he couldn't tell me it was all in my head. in that moment I lost all faith in him because I realized he was wrong. that he was manipulating me into believing I was the problem. that all these conflicts were my fault. but they were never my fault.

-> TW for mentions of self harm for the next 2 paragraphs <-

the final nail in the coffin came about 2 years later when I finally decided to open up about my self harm. I had relapsed on my self harm about 8 months prior, usually it was just a one off but this time it had spiraled out of control into the beginnings of an addiction. I wanted to stop, so I decided to open up to my therapist about it. he got angry at me. I was scared, and vulnerable, and he was angry. he asked me why I didn't tell him sooner, I said I was scared of hospitalization. a week later he threatened to hospitalize me multiple times after promising he wouldn't.

what actually made me drop him was 3 weeks later. I was tired of talking about self harm and I was feeling the same if it all. he asked me about it and I said I don't want to talk about it. he pressed mex accused me of avoiding therapy, threatened to hospitalize me if I didn't spit out adequate details. when I said I hadn't even self harmed that much he accused me of lying to him to avoid therapy. he crossed many boundaries that day and then pressured me into agreeing to fill out a form every week detailing all the information about my self harm down to how many cuts I made. that was my final straw. I was done.

why I'm antipsychiatry:

after that I started reflecting and realizing the whole thing was fucked up. from the starting point in 4th grade when I saw my first therapist to the ending point where I saw my second to last therapist (I had a therapist after the nightmare therapist, her name was Sara she was Deaf and amazing but largely unhelpful) the system was designed to produce bad therapists. the nightmare therapist was not the only bad experience I had with therapists, just the worst. they all liked to abuse their power over me, they all liked to deny my experiences and gaslight me into believing all my problems were my own perception rather than a real outside factor. this wasn't one bad therapist is was one bad system.

and I'm done. I'm so done. therapy has never helped me but it has hurt me and I don't think I can find a good therapist because the whole apple tree is rotting from the inside. I'm sticking with my psychiatrist because he has done minimal harm to me but my experience with therapy has thoroughly cemented that abuse isn't an exception it's the standard and therapists who aren't abusing their clients are breaking the rules. my experience is the norm and it shouldn't be but you can't reform a rotting tree you have to plant a new one.

that's what antipsychiatry also seeks to do. it's cutting down the apple tree but it's also planting a new, different fruit tree. a tree that respects autonomy of patients, that acknowledges patients' realities, that seeks to support not control and manipulate.

if you want to help people with their mental health I urge you to look into the alternatives to the psychiatric system and consider working there. the tree will turn you into a bad apple too because the tree is rotted but there's a new tree growing and you can find other ways to support people. admittedly I'm not the most familiar with alternatives to psychiatry but I know they do exist and they're becoming more common as people realize the damage the psychiatric system is doing.

sorry this was kinda a trauma dump but my antipsych beliefs largely stem from trauma so I wanted to share that context

[bitchfitch]

Idk. Do y'all ever wonder what wouldve happened if your life had been about 5 percent different?

My family isn't Right™ leaning. but they are primarily under educated Catholics trying to prove they're not like Those Mexicans by siding with the powers that be and being good and obedient to the system they feel they earned their way into and which they think exists to protect them. Note they are poor brown immigrants. it does not exist to protect them in any way.

It's on my mind because like. I was the first queer in the family. Hindsights 20/20 but I was dykish from the moment I was old enough to express a personality. and now I'm trans. I don't talk about it that often because I realized I was trans 14? years ago and am at a point in my life where it's just not remarkable anymore. It was remarkable when I was a kid though. That's my mom's side of the family and my dad was a far right fox news watcher.

So as you may imagine. I did not want to come out. Not at all. The next few years came with some intense medications and a few strokes so my memory of the time is gone, but I still remember how much I dreaded the idea of coming out.

And it went ok, coming out shortly after I turned 13. My family wasn't just accepting, they were relieved.

Because around that time was when my health went from bad, to "keep an updated will in the family room" bad. I already had tumors in one eye, and was now having constant falls and fainting episodes. seizures. new speech difficulties, and a sudden distinct personality change as I became extremely secretive and avoidant of my family when that wasn't what I was like at all previously.

Anyone who knows anything about medicine would look at that list of symptoms and start ordering imaging to find the brain tumor.

it wasn't brain cancer, it was pots and the side effects of one of my meds, and the fear of being disowned. the tumors continue to be benign.

Sometimes I just wonder. If I hadn't been dying, if they hadn't already had to come to terms with saying goodbye to me, would me coming out have gone a different way?