#I'm delirious from pain meds

[justabunchofdragons]

"just looking at you hurts. i'll order up some extra pain meds." "i love you" and that insane half-dismissive gesture wilson does. this happens after house, famously a staunch atheist, electrocutes himself in the hope of a spiritual experience. we never find out what happened, but we know something did, something important, something he wanted to tell the guy who insisted that the space between death was the best feeling ever, and then house says he loves wilson. wilson thinks house is delirious from the morphine, but nothing house says ever sounds that genuine. i love you because i just died and you were standing over my bed and i knew you would be and i love you because you aren't angry at me for almost killing myself again and i love you because you care about me like no one else and i love you because maybe i need to say it in case i don't make it the next time. because there's no sun in the hospital so sunshine on your face won't say it for me. because every inch of my body aches so i can't move to show you. because we've been fooling around with this feeling but i'm never uninhibited enough to say the truth and i want to say it so i'm going to. and maybe we never mention it again. but maybe house entertained a small, tiny possibility that it could change everything.

[romaritimeharbor]

HEARTH FLAME. — In which the Knave's heir decides their fate.

— trigger & content warnings. depictions of injury (& the recovery following it), pain medications and slightly implied impairment of judgment because of them. it isn't really outright though and could honestly be ignored.

— pairings & notes. ambiguous genre; may be considered hurt/comfort. arlecchino & heir!reader. reader is gender neutral (they/them pronouns used). reader is a member of the house of the hearth and is arlecchino's chosen heir. occurs after the events of arlecchino's story quest. 2.1k words.

— author's thoughts. i would say "i swear i'm very normal about arlecchino" but i feel as if we all know that is not true. anyways for those that care about the lore behind this series of fics, i perceive this as the "turning point" in arle & [name]'s relationship in which the latter begins to realize how serious being the knave's heir is. but rn they are delirious on pain meds and do not realize the fate that they have condemned themselves to. yeag

       Lightning struck their body at even the slightest of muscle twitches.

       The bruises on their skin hidden underneath gauze and bandages throbbed with agonizing heat, their insides twisted and churned as their body attempted to repair whatever manner of internal injuries that they had oh-so lovingly been gifted, and their mind begged for restful sleep.

       (No matter how tired they were, ever since they had awoken after being asleep for about a day, they had not been able to fall back asleep again... at least, not in a way that mattered. Their sleep was plagued by nightmares and worries that they could not shake, all concerning the very person who had put them in this condition in the first place. She hadn't come to see them yet. They were certain she would have, but she hadn't.

       Was father... upset? Did they upset her?)

       A soft sigh left their lips as they stared upwards at the ceiling from their bed—even the simple task turning over was nigh impossible, so they dared not attempt anything other than sleep. At least the admittedly rather laborious task of trying to fall asleep did not wrack their body with searing hurt.

       In their spar, Father was neither kind nor easy on them, and they had a sneaking suspicion that she was especially hard on them. Lyney was already standing again and on the move, meanwhile Lynette and Freminet ended up slipping by with relatively minimal injuries, but them? Bedridden, without the slightest hope of being able to stand in the coming hours... or even days, probably. Their legs pulsed at the thought alone.

       ...But they did take the brunt of Father's attacks, so they supposed that was their own fault.

             — flower of the universe !! 🌸

       "I will not sit idly by and watch you bring unfathomable harm to my siblings."

       Standing immovably in front of Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet with their weapon pointedly raised at the very woman who raised them was certainly not how they had anticipated their day going. Nevertheless, they were in that exact situation, and backing down was the last thing on their mind. Lyney seemed to want to say something—to tell them, to warn them, not to be stupid, maybe.

       ...But really, Lyney knew better, and as much as he worried for his sibling's safety, he also knew extremely well how Father was and how they were.

       She would want to see their display of strength, no matter how miniscule in comparison to hers.

       And them—they would not dare let Lyney, Lynette, and Freminet face this alone, even if it meant risking their safety and wellbeing.

       (He also happened to know that his sibling could be a tad too eager to show Father the display of strength she desired, but that was just his own opinion, muddled by his biases and his own desire to protect and care for his siblings. He knew and recognized how his desires played tricks on him, but it did not make him any less bothered by what he liked to think of as his sibling's 'recklessness.')

       Arlecchino's stare threatened to pry apart their soul at its very seams, but they failed to waver. Instead, they firmly returned her stare, albeit with less intensity. Their grip on their weapon tightened.

       The Knave was going to absolutely destroy them, though hopefully not beyond repair.

       They knew that, and they were fine with that. It was an inevitable truth; so be it.

       In the defense of their siblings, they would be more than happy to shed blood—someone else's, or theirs.

       "...I hope you can forgive me, Father."

       In this case, theirs.

             — flower of the universe !! 🌸

       Destroy them, she most certainly did. It wasn't an unexpected outcome. They knew better than to think that they could actually beat her; at least their showing of strength (combined with that of their siblings' and the Traveler's) was enough to compel her to give a kinder execution.

       'Execution.' Hm.

       Execution.

       The word bounced around in their mind for some time as they pondered.

       They weren't quite sure if they saw it that way or not—on one hand, the mind was killed and reborn, but on the other, the body remained alive and unharmed.

       What kind of execution could be so... gentle? So forgiving? None that they had ever heard of. No executions were so tender and compassionate as to preserve the gift of life.

       ...Perhaps that was simply a different kind of execution than what they were used to.

       As their mind wandered, they absentmindedly mused about what their freed siblings were doing.

       'Filliol and Nanteuil... where are you two now?'

       Were they enjoying the sun?

       Hopefully.

       The soft click of a door opening and closing caught their attention, and for a moment they felt extreme relief—finally, someone had come to administer their pain medications... the ache sinking into their bones was about to finish what Arlecchino had begun at this point—but the click of heels that followed made their chest tighten nervously.

       They turned their head slightly to the side. At their bedside stood none other than the Knave herself, an unreadable expression crossing her face when she saw the state they were in.

       Speak of the devil and she shall appear.

       "Father..."

       "My child."

       Arlecchino was quick to drag the stool at the foot of their bed to the side and sit.

       "Father, I—"

       They tried to sit up, grimacing through the pain that clawed across the entirety of their body as they did. The Fourth did not allow them to get far, however, and placed a firm hand on their chest. They had no choice but to settle back down, as the strength she was exerting against them was far too great for them to combat.

       "Do not get up. You will only hurt yourself—"

       "Father—"

       "—And spare yourself the chore of speaking."

       Their mouth closed without another word. All they could do was stare up at her, eyes wide and bewildered and perfectly displaying all the questions they wished to ask (and a bit glazed over due to the combined factors of their exhaustion and the strength of the medication they had been on), though one in particular stood out the most:

       'Why are you here?'

       Maybe the Knave could read their mind.

       (She had no such ability. To know her children and what they were thinking was simply part of her responsibility as Father.)

       "My child," she mused again, this time not in greeting, though she did not continue. Perhaps she was looking for the words. Her fingers gingerly brushed the hair from their face, briefly brushing over the scratch across their forehead.

       Ah.

       One among the many wounds she bestowed upon them a day prior. One of the most mild of her gifts, actually.

       It wasn't regret that washed upon her upon realizing the severity of their wounds in particular—no, they made the choice to join the fight knowing well that she would not be gentle on them or their siblings, and she would argue that regret was a useless emotion only capable of holding one back. What's done was done. It was as simple as that. Regret, much like sorrow, does naught but hold a person back.

       ...Yet, she still felt something, though she struggled identifying what it was.

       Maybe...

       Maybe, now that the Fourth had seen them and the extent of the wounds she delivered, she felt that she had neglected her obligation as Father to visit their bedside in the midst of their healing.

       "I'm sorry."

       Their voice cut through her thoughts. Though they tried their very best to mask it, it wavered almost imperceptibly, the tremble only audible to trained ears—ears like hers. The Fourth Harbinger was not known for being obtruse. She noticed, and they could tell. Nothing ever slipped by her.

       "And what is it that you are apologizing for, exactly?"

       "I... I don't know. I just feel like you're disappointed in me somehow, and I don't know how else to remedy it at the moment."

       'At the moment,' she assumed, meant their current bedridden state.

       "I know not what has given you such an impression. I am not disappointed."

       "...You're not?"

       "Certainly not. If you are referring to your interception of our spar," she began, "defending your family is the most kingly action you could have taken in that moment. In fact, I expected no less of you."

       "I'm not kingly," they replied, offering a weak chuckle as they continued: "At least, I don't feel kingly right now..."

       "Then how is it that you feel?"

       "Pathetic, maybe." They turned their head fully to the side so that they were able to meet her gaze. "I know I can't and probably will never be able to triumph over you in a spar, but—"

       "Perish the thought," Arlecchino dismissed. "Immediately."

       "Huh?"

       Her eyes bore into theirs. This time, much unlike the time they stared at her in battle, they did not feel fear or nervous anticipation of what was to come.

       "You did not win the war," she affirmed, "but I would certainly say you won the battle."

       She leaned closer. With one hand, she brushed the framing hair that normally fell over her cheeks to the side.

       There, a long cut was scabbed over with dry crimson, and suddenly, their heart leapt—whether it was from an odd pride in having been able to actually hit her, or shame and embarrassment that they actually caused harm to Father of all people, they did not know.

       The Knave allowed her hair to fall back into place.

       "Though the odds were stacked against you and yours, you ultimately managed to wound me. This was something that not even your siblings managed to achieve."

       "I could argue that it's only because there were so many of us."

       "Perhaps, but it was still you who caused this wound. I lost track of you for only a moment and you took the opportunity. Progress does not happen overnight, child, and your strength is still growing. One day, you will be the king of this house. You will deliver these kinds of wounds to others, as I have delivered to you." Her gaze shifted to their bedside table. "...That is, if you so desire that life."

       The bottled flame swirled and flared in the vial under her gaze, as if it sought to melt through the glass and lunge, consuming everything in its wake and leaving nothing but ash behind.

       Ah. Right.

       They had almost forgotten that she had also allocated the resources needed to complete her 'execution' to them.

       Silence, heavy with the weight of implication, endured for what seemed to be an eternity.

       Then, they broke it:

       "I do not wish to leave the house."

       Arlecchino would have been perfectly content with letting them free—with snipping away at the webs they were so deeply entangled in, letting the flames cleanse the darkness from their veins, and thereby permitting them to step into the sun.

       And yet... that was not what they wanted.

       Perhaps it was a blend of bewilderment, pride, and annoyance that stirred in her chest.

       What a foolish child they were, refusing freedom when it was so readily within their grasp. They had earned it, and yet they chose to reject it? How foolish, indeed.

       The Fourth's eyes narrowed thoughtfully as she gazed down at them.

       "Hm. Is that so?"

       "Yes."

       ...But that foolish child was hers—her child and her successor. Hers, and hers for a reason, for better or worse.

       If all of the Knaves who came before Peruere were not stubborn, then there would be no Knave to begin with. It was, therefore, only right that her heir be as much of a stubborn fool as she.

       Her eyes seemed to soften, if only by a miniscule amount. Arlecchino placed a warm hand over their own, resting idly across their torso, and they hummed, daring to shift and intertwine her fingers with theirs.

       Brief tender moments, always flickering like a dying flame, were rare in the House of the Hearth, especially when permitted or even initiated by Father.

       Thus, they had no problem taking advantage of the situation that they were in, eyes fluttering shut as her warmth oozed into their hand and slowly crawled up their arm. It would soon consume their entire being, but rather than being scorched by it, they were certain that they would be lulled to sleep by it.

       "So be it, then," she murmured, thumb absentmindedly running across their knuckle. "You are a fool."

       A smile. The first that Arlecchino had seen from them in days, in fact, and it seemed to soothe something within her. "I know."

       "Do not disappoint me."

       Her tone cut as sharply as a knife, but they did not appear to mind a single bit; all they could do was smile at her.

       Even when she was threatening them, all they could do was smile.

       "I won't."

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[angelxd-3303]

Ok, I've come to the realization that I've kind of neglected Bowuigi in favor of Mareach, lol. Again, not on the bingo, but here we are.

For context, this is inspired by @lethalhedgehogs au, namely their depiction of the Super Paper Mario aftermath. White-haired Luigi is just- my goodness. 10/10, definitely check out the inspiration for this! I remember someone asking about SPM in my au, but for the life of me I cannot find it T^T

I'm not sure I want to make spm canon to my au, I'm not sure how to fit it in, so this is just kind of a spin-off idea I had.

Luigi'll be fine, he's just delirious from pain meds, lmao.

[ilovesjamesbb]

Please Don't Leave Me (Pt. 6)

Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Violence, depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm

I look up to see the scientist and he’s grinning. What the hell happened? He’s staring at something on the floor and I look to see blood coming towards my feet. I look a little forward and that’s when I see her. Blood seeps from every part of her. Nose, mouth, wrists… chest. I see the knife embedded in her sternum and right there I die. I stopped living in that moment and I knew what I had done. 

“Once a monster. Always a monster.” The scientist laughed. I couldn't even process what was going on. I wanted to kill him but I was frozen. I wanted to touch her but my hands would only do more damage. The love of my life laid dead in front of me. Before I knew what was happening darkness overcame me. 

I woke up on the quinjet. For a second I forgot what happened. I forget y/n was dead. I forgot all of it and I was not hurting for a split second. I opened my eyes and I saw her. Laying beside me, lifeless or almost lifeless. Nat sat next to her holding the knife in place and Steve wrapped bandages on her wrists. Holding the wounds tight but blood still rain down the cracks of his fingers 

I cried. I couldn't help but look at her face and just watch her. Begging god that she would look back at me. I promised her forever and I killed her. I promised her I would never leave her. I reached out for her face but I hesitated. Tears clouding my eyes. 

“You don’t have to look at this Bucky” Steve said.

“The co-pilot seat is open you can go-”

“I can’t leave her. I promised I would never leave her…” I couldn't even bring myself to sit up. I rolled on my back and reached for her hand. I put my hand on top of her cold one and closed my eyes. This was it. This is what I deserved.

After the long flight back home I couldn’t do it anymore. Steve tried to tell me she was still breathing but I couldn't hear it. I couldn’t feel the steady beat of her heart. I held her hand and Nat looked at me. 

“You need to let her go. This may be the last time you see her, Barnes. You know she loved you, maybe too much even.”  I got what Natasha was saying. Say your goodbyes. 

I looked at her face. Even in death she wasn't peaceful. 

“I love you, doll. I love you so much. I am so sorry. I am so so sorry.” I brought her pale knuckles up to my face and kissed them. I couldn’t let her go but I had to let her find peace. 

“You will never leave me. You will always be my other half. My entire body and soul. Forever” with that I let them carry her to the med bay. I didn't know what else to do but rot in my room. 

Six days went by and I couldn't eat or sleep. I tried so hard. I wanted to leave my bed but it seemed pointless. She wasn’t there. Steve kept coming to my door but I couldn't face him. I used to hate sleeping because I would have nightmares but now I hated being awake because this nightmare was far worse. My eyes were permanently bloodshot. I hadn't heard my own voice in days. I knew if I kept this up I would die and that was what I wanted. A slow painful death. Killing myself slowly just like I did to her. 

A knock sounded on my door once again and I ignored it like I always did. The knocks kept getting louder and louder and it wouldn't stop. God Dammit Steve. 

“Steve. Leave.” The knocking never stopped. I got up and ripped the door open, prepared to yell at him but it wasn't him. 

“Not Steve.” Y/n. I couldn’t move. My mind was playing a trick on me. This was low, a new form of torture. I was delirious. 

“I need to lay down please don't make me stand here.” She was smiling. I didn't hesitate. I brought her to my bed and laid her down. 

“You shouldn't be here.” Mainly because I'm afraid I might hurt you again. 

“You need to rest.” Which was entirely true but not my real reason for telling her that. She needed to stay away from me. If this was real and she was alive. She needed to leave. I don't deserve her. 

“Not without seeing you-”

“Why would you want to see me? I did this to you.” I asked her, tears forming in my eyes. How could she still want me after this? After I basically killed her.

“I did this to myself. This was my mistake-” 

“How can you say that! I put a knife into your chest. You told me this was a bad idea. I should have listened.” Is she crazy? I did this. I killed her. I hurt her. I lied to her. 

“I’m a monster. I did this to you-”

“No you didn’t. I did it to myself.” She cried, trying to grab my hand. She was real. Her touch was real. I can't hurt her. If I touch her again I might hurt her. I shook her off. 

“Stop saying that. This wasn’t your fault. How are you defending me-”

“Because I did it. I took that knife and I slit my wrists and then I stabbed myself in the chest.” She said out of nowhere. I know she said it to make me feel better but I felt the opposite. I drove her to kill herself. I really am a monster. 

“I did this. Not you. Not anyone else.” There were tears in her eyes as well as mine. 

“I couldn't let them do it to you, James. I couldn’t let you kill me, you wouldn't survive it. I did what was right for both of us. I made peace with my decision.” She truly thought she did the right thing. My heart broke and at the same time I was so angry. She grabbed my hand and I felt myself start to give in. 

“You tried to kill yourself to spare me pain?” I started to cry. I couldn’t help myself. I knew exactly what I had to do. I needed to end this. HYDRA would come back and they would finish the job this time. I can’t risk her life even if losing her will make me risk mine. 

“I can’t do this.” I said becoming detached. I let her hand fall. 

“Do what?” The same question I had asked her a million times.

“Us.” I switched completely. I became heartless. It was like the winter soldier came over me to control my heart but not my mind  

“What are you talking about? I said it wasn’t your fault. It was mine! We are together, forever. That's all that matters.” She pleaded with me. I could physically hear the sounds of both our hearts shattering into pieces at the sound of her words. 

“I can’t. I don’t want this. I need you to leave.” She stared at me, tears rolling down her face. She needs to go before I change my mind. This is me protecting her. 

“Jarvis, tell Steve to get y/n she's in my room.” Tears rolled down my face and I angrily wiped them away. A minute later Steve walked in. He looked sad and disappointed. He looked like he pitied me. 

“No. I’m not leaving.” Y/n said and she scrambled back up to the headboard of the bed. I could see her wince with the movement, She was desperate. I was too. I backed up until my back hit the wall. 

“You need to rest.” Steve said and slowly walked to my bed. 

“No! No!” She screamed. It was taking everything in me to not run to her. He put his hands under her legs and lifted her. She was in so much pain. She tried to fight back but she couldn't. Her breath started to get uneven and it brought me back to the night we showered together. The night I told her I would never leave her. 

“Bucky, don't do this. I love you. You said you wouldn't leave me.” Dagger. I was bleeding from the inside out. I deserved this. 

She pleaded with Steve to stop. He kept walking toward the door. She held her chest. Pain etched on her face. She started hyperventilating, her hand came up to her chest and I could feel it too. 

“Please, don’t leave me.” She whispered. I turned away and never looked back. This is what was best. 

Two and a half weeks later. 

“They won’t let her return to the team until they know she is stable.” Steve said to the group. Everyone wanted to know if y/n was okay. It made sense. She had gone through so much. Bucky sat in the corner away from everyone else, staring through his hands. 

“She spent three days in a fucking psych ward because she wouldn’t’ talk, eat, drink, or stop crying. You really think she's ready to come back?” Clint said, angry. He loved y/n like a sister. It was so hard to see her like this. He relied so much on Laura for support right now and he was thankful he had her. 

“She is ready. We all have gone through something and come out of it stronger. Maybe it will take her a while but she has this. Let her have this.” Natasha said. 

“I vote no. She is straight out of the looney bin. She needs time. She tried to kill herself for christ sake-” Tony said, getting cut off by Bruce.

“I did too and I am still here. I still have the choice to be here. Just because the other guy spit out my bullet doesn't make it any different. You need to let her make this decision. Embrace it don't push her away. She needs us.” Bruce said. 

Then she walked in. She looked surprisingly fine. Her hair was straightened and she wore a pair of spandex shorts and a short tank top.

“I hope I’m not interrupting but I am gonna go workout in the training room if anyone wants to join. Steve?” Y/n looked at Steve. They had gotten really close the last couple of weeks. He had been there for her. He never left her side and when she was in the psych ward he slept in the waiting room refusing to leave until she was ready. Bucky was his best friend but he loved y/n and he felt responsible for what happened to her. He couldn't imagine what she was feeling. 

“Of course. I’ll be down in ten.” Steve smiled softly. Bucky watched the whole interaction. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears. She never looked at him. Maybe she didn't see him but he doubted that was true. She walked away and down to the elevator. 

“Good enough for everyone?” Nat said and she got up too, going to change and train. 

A few hours later and many jokes with y/n later, the team was called on a mission. Y/n wasn’t asked to come but she understood she didn't think she was ready either. They weren't supposed to be gone long Steve reassured her but it felt like forever. 

Everything was dark. The tower was lonely and empty. I feel so lost. I try to put on a show of acting like my old self but I can’t. Something is missing. Bucky. Bucky is missing and I can’t escape him. Everywhere I look he is there. Down to the plums on the island counter. 

I head back to my room and lay on my bed. My thoughts are getting the better of me. I don’t know how long I can do this. I don’t know how long I can live. I'm surviving not living at this point. I go over to my record player and put on Dream a Little Dream of Me but Doris Day and I know exactly what I’m going to do. I can’t do this anymore. I turn the volume up extremely loud and run the bath. I undress and grab the pills from the bathroom sink. Tears rolled down my face. I grab my glass of water and I swallow the whole bottle. I let the glass and bottle fall. Glass clattering everywhere. Blood slowly starts to appear on my feet from the shattered pieces. 

A particular sharp piece catches my eye. I pick it up and get into the tub. The lights were off and I left my candles burning. The city illuminates the bathroom and I can see clearly. The water soothes my soul but images run through my mind of the night Bucky and I showered. I can feel his touch. It’s soft and he holds me up. I feel it. It's so real. 

“Bucky.” 

“Yes, doll?”

“Please don’t leave me.”

“I would never. I'll always be with you.” I hummed. I take the glass and drag it over my skin where I would have had scars if it wasn’t for Dr. Cho’s skin regenerator. The pain is searing and it brings me back a little bit. Bucky is gone now. The tears fall and the bath water starts to turn red. It's clear by my feet that the splash from my arm pushes the crimson until the entire water is no longer translucent. 

“I’m so scared James.”

“Doll, come dance with me.” Bucky offers his hand. 

“Our song is on James.” I smile. 

“I’m too tired to dance. Can we just hold each other here? My head on your chest like old times.” I closed my eyes. Content. 

“No!” He yelled but when I looked at him his face was calm.

PLEASE COMMENT. I have also uploaded this story on Wattpad and I think I am going to make it a real series.

Please Don't Leave Me by dracomalfoyloki (JBB's Doll)

[my-castles-crumbling]

hey its the nyx anon

so i was going to have a sleepover last night with my entire friendgroup lets call them (w, p, i and e and then rheres M my girlfriend)

it was all going great, we did blind karaoke, M was feeling very comfortable with affection so i was getting hugs and kisses which was very nice, and rhen around 9pm i get whacked in the facw witj a migraine.

so i have to go upstaires and take my meds (three pills one for the pain ome for the nausea and the other for the migraine in general) with M following me bc sje was like okay dude you look like youre gonna pass out

then i cry into her shoulder bc fucking ow and call my mum to let her know

twenty minutes later i have to sprint to the bathroom to throw up

W’s mum comes in and goes and gets M and W

M sits with me and rubs my back while i cry and swear and go slightly delirious from pain, W sits across from me and cracks jokes and makes conversation

i had to go home obviously

and it just sucks because its yet another thing my entire friendgroup got to do without me and that was the first big migraine id had in a long while too but of fucking course it had to happen the one night i needed it not to

Hi!

I'm so sorry this happened </3

I know this might not be helpful, but I'm honestly so impressed by how loving and helpful your friends and girlfriend were, though. Like I'm sitting here waiting for this ask to go poorly and you say something about them being mad for you getting sick (not your fault obviously) but instead my heart is all warm because they were so sweet.

It's awful that you had to deal with the migraine but I'm so glad M and W were there for you!

[wildelydawn]

Also I finally went to the doctor and why oh why do techs never listen to me before it's too late. I told her to take the blood sample from my hand because it's basically impossible to get it from my arms, and only after bruising both arms, did she go to my left hand. But we only filled half the tubes, and she wanted to go into my other hand, but I told her we couldn't because being stuck three times was already pushing me to the edge of spiraling and I had to explain to her that I'm two weeks off of meds and really stressed out and I can't take the risk of indulging in anymore pain, no matter how medically necessary it is. So she told me to come back in a few days when I feel better, which was kind of her, but I also feel like I was inconveniencing her and it's also like a million degrees where I'm at but now I'm in a long sleeve and will have to be in it for a bit.

The good news is that when I did make fists with my hands, the tech was like "Whoa, you have those veiny gym bro hands" and I, without missing a beat and probably a bit delirious from the prior stabbings, said, "Yeah, the girls go crazy for 'em" and then said "I am so sorry, that's so rude" and she laughed and we talked about the piano and people having nice hands and arms while I quite literally failed my blood test in real time. :')

[toomuchracket]

im so sick today but working from home and all i can picture is d word matty and assistant girl and him being so annoyed at her not taking any type of rest while she’s sick and hopped up on cold and flu meds having to concentrate twice as hard to get anything done (me right now)

oh i hope you're ok, get well soon!! and yeah, matty would be so exasperated with you for just insisting you're fine and continuing on with your work. thinking you wake up on a wfh day and you're quite wan and feeling a bit more tired than normal - matty's immediately concerned, but you're like "it's ok it's the end of the financial year it's just so busy and it's catching up with me i'll be fine after a coffee". and matty's like "ok whatever you say babe", and you do perk up a tiny bit after caffeine so he lets you be, but resolves to keep a closer eye on you than he normally would on a mutual wfh day. you start off work alright, but you plod into the kitchen after about an hour and a half to ask "have we got any soluble paracetamol? think i'm getting a pressure headache"; matty gets you the meds, squinting at you as he passes them over, and says "sweetheart if you're not feeling great you should rest. phone jamie and tell him you're taking the day off", but you're furiously shaking your head (and wincing in pain at it) like "no it's fine i'm fine there's too much to do for me to phone in sick", and you thank him for the meds and go back to your laptop. matty sighs, but he leaves you to it because you're so stubborn - that is, until the sneezing starts shortly after, at which point he brings you a lemsip and some cold and flu tablets (and a kiss on the head). and he sits at the desk with you - you wrapped in his hoodie, your big cardigan, and a blanket - while you sneeze your way through responding to emails, periodically glancing up from his lyric notebook to check you're alright. the final straw for matty is watching you take fifteen minutes to mentally process a one-sentence reply, blinking hazily at the screen while you sneeze repeatedly; he's like "my darling, i love you, and i love how focused and hardworking you are, but you really can't work when you're like this. let me call jamie, please", and he can tell you're ill because you open your mouth as if to argue and then just deflate like "alright". so he calls jamie, holding the phone to you so your boss can hear how awful your sneezing is, and sorts that, then scoops you up and carries you to the bathroom like "c'mon, let's shower" - you're slightly delirious from the flu meds like "mmm no too tired to fuck right now", and matty's like "no of course not sweetheart, we'll get all cleaned up and then go back to bed, hopefully sleep it off, yeah?", and you nod into his chest like "mhmm". and that's what you do - shower, sleep, snuggle, matty also making sure to take meds so he doesn't get ill as he strokes your hair and stays with you to help make sure you get better <3

[naamahdarling]

First, the obligatory, from one ailurophile to another: how are each of the kitties? Do you have recent photos that you can share?

Second: a while back (pre-plague) I bought a painting from you. (Okay, a very small painting...but I love it. It had a night-time forest-and-starry-sky scene, with cutout-word poetry.) You've got a good eye and "ear". Do you still get time to paint?

Thank you for the kind words!

I will post some kitty pics presently so they can be separate from this post but they are doing okay-ish.

Dried Pickle Man continues to chug along, hurgling gurgling and purrgling, growing ever more unfortunate to gaze upon, but he is happy and as comfortable as a little old man cat can be, and very dear when he isn't being a bullying asshole.

Raleigh is doing just fine. His stomatitis that was causing his mouth to reject his teeth (what the FUCK that this can even HAPPEN) hasn't been bothering him lately, and he still -- knock on wood -- pisseth freely, his tiny weewee unblocked.

Sid has been ill. He finally got a diagnosis of Inflammatory Bowel Disease and is on steroids for that. It doesn't give him the poops, which is what I expected. It comes out the other end. A lot of it. I didn't think a cat could contain that much. DPM has it as well, but his wasn't nearly as horrific. I was...not prepared. So that has been absolutely no fun at all. He has lost a lot of weight, so it's good he started out kind of chunky, but he should be fine. He's doing a lot better.

Fancy, as ever, remains extremely sweet and cuddly and funny and clever, and also just sometimes Bad and Naughty. She's the best. I know I talk up her naughtiness, but she is actually very little trouble. She's just very very playful and incredibly chatty and has a ridiculously expressive little face that usually looks smug, devious, or deliriously happy. I love her more than stars.

I have all the time I need to paint, but also it has become emotionally painful to do it because it's dangerous for me to sell my stuff and I feel constantly under the bootheel of Social Security. I can't seem to get past this. It's...incredibly painful to be without it but hey, ruining lives is what means testing is all about. Also ADHD makes it hard. I am often not medicated for it because the USA is experiencing an artificial shortage of stimulant meds that the government is aware of, allowing to continue, and thus, doing on purpose. 🤷‍♀️

But that's depressing, so here's a random cat pic palate cleanser. I'm just gonna see what I can randomly scroll to in my gallery.

Ough. Yeah that's a good one.

[trickster-shi]

WIP Updates

Been a while since I did one of these, and I should honestly be trying to sleep so this damn sore throat/respiratory crap goes away, but I just can't breathe when I lay down >_< however, I'm feeling a bit better than a couple days ago so I'll do this update and see if I can concentrate long enough to get some words in on at least one of these projects.

Project Zander:

I finished chapter five last night and sent it off to the beta readers. That one took a while to really come together to my satisfaction, especially the past scene. I had over 10k words on this chapter at one point before figuring out what it needed and cutting it down to 6500.

I am now working on outlining the next five chapters before I dive into chapter six.

Untitled Original Project:

I decided to scavenge some parts from Teenage Vigilante Witch and build an original story out of it. So far I like what I've got, which is about 4k words and needs a lot of outlining. Still keeping the found family aspect, but I'm doing a lot of world building and outlining to ensure it's a very different story from Teenage Viginate Witch. Looking back on it now, there was a lot of stuff I wish I'd explored in that first story, but it was written very fast and thrown up on archive to prove to myself that I could still write. I never intend to go back and edit or rewrite any of it, so I'm going to take the potential it had and put it into another story and take it a couple jogs to the left. Mostly, I'm going to be exploring that guilty/vigilante mindset with a spell amnesia twist that slowly pulls back to reveal a truth better left forgotten with a different take on found family. Still working out a lot of the details but I'm excited for it.

Home Across the Universe #10:

It's a little over 3k at the moment but I have notes and scenes in my email that I need to get and stitch together in the draft, so it's likely closer to 5k. Also, I already have the ending outlined and I'm excited to get to that since it's a cliffhanger I'm gonna get yelled at over. Looking forward to that. I may poke at this one today and see if I can get some more written on it.

Rabbit Come Home part 4:

Also a little over 3k written, I'm still outlining the scenes to make sure I include everything I need to so it's a satisfying ending. I'm shooting for this to be the end of the series and there are a lot of threads to tie off.

Into the Black, Episode 3:

Also sitting at 3k, this has a couple of chunk sitting in my email I need to stitch in as well. I haven't worked on it in a couple weeks and need to sit down and outline my scenes to figure out where it needs to go. I have a vague idea but not enough to work on, especially today with my mind being fried from sickness.

Untitled Sequel to the supposed Jurassic World/Teen Wolf Oneshot:

I told myself it was a one shot and I believed it for a while, but a plot bunny bit me after a recent rewatch of Fallen Kingdom and I now have...5,515 words of a sequel. It goes a bit AU from Fallen Kingdom because I had high hopes for the promises that movie set up for Dominion that Dominion just did not deliver for me. I'm still let down about that, apparently. I'm aiming to keep the story small in scale, but it was fun pitting Stiles against dinosaurs the first time and this sequel has him showcasing some more of his smarts while injured and a little delirious from pain meds, so it should be entertaining.

Aaand, that's all I've been working on lately. Hoping to get the next Home Across the Universe oneshot finished and posted first, though I'm not making any promises or predictions on when that will be. Hopefully I can scrape together enough brain cells to work on it today and get it closer to the end scene.

[dirtbag-linecook-kyloren]

1) You have no idea how excited I was when someone actually wanted to delve my AU list, and #16 is one I haven't really done any work on this one so I'm so happy to think more on it thank you so much @tinpotterror

2) au 16 is one I'm so excited to get a plot for I can't stress enough that I think this one is gonna be good I just don't have a main conflict yet but who knows maybe this post will brew it, I do some great thinking while typing shit

SO AU 16 is a hospital au

which yes yes I know

but I need you to imagine, to come along for the ride with me.

It's an emergency room, because it always is, that's how these things always go, and ben solo is nearing the end of his residency. four years of undergrad, four years of medical school, and he's ready to be a fully fledged doctor. It's all he's wanted for fuckin YEARS, and he's almost there.

But charge nurse Armitage Hux continues to be a pain in his ass. All he has are complaints; the way Ben charts, his patient demeanor, hell, he even questions the dosage on meds, sometimes. (And he's often right, though Ben will never admit it. 50mg ˆwouldˆ have killed that patient, he did mean 5mg.) Ben doesn't like it, but Hux spends a lot of time cleaning up his messes, to the point that Hux legit does not respect Ben. Literally calls him Ben, doesn't call him Dr. Anything, because he's inches away from being a nurse practitioner, and he's earned the right to feel that way.

My favorite game to play is how do I get snoke in this au, and I think snoke is an elderly patient who's a frequent flier. he's awful, he's cruel, and the only two people in the ED he likes are Hux and Ben, so they end up having to work together more than either would like, as Snoke's health declines. Does Ben try to ignore a DNR? maybe? does he terrorize the other nurses to the point that they refuse to do anything for him, and ben spends fifteen minutes on one poor teenage boys blood draw, because he's only found a vein like three times? definitely. Is there a mass casualty event, because those are always a plot point on hospital shows? it is now, and you'll never guess who wasn't working that day and comes in half delirious on a stretcher, because you guessed it itS HUX (coming back I've decided he was running a race and there was a shooting because I put plenty of my own nightmares into fan fiction and this would just be another.)

and ben obviously realizes in those moments, as he looks at hux in the hospital bed, heading into emergency surgery, how much he relies on that voice, how much he's been leaning on Hux's years more experience, how much he's been undervaluing that resource. And hux gets through surgery while Ben is having to help other patients and trying not to lose his mind, he gets admitted to a room and when he wakes up from anesthesia, who would happen to be sitting in his room, passed out after a 14 hour shift still in his scrubs but Ben solo, a cold cup of tea that was smuggled in sitting on his bedside table.

and Ben keeps visiting hux, although Hux doesn't know why. He assumes it's guilt, of some sort, and figures he can take advantage of it to get the good snacks from the vending machine, but he comes back to work and Ben is still nice? And at this point, it's getting confusing, but he just keeps letting it happen, because he's decided it's preferable to Ben from before, but in some ways, it's not, because he starts to miss some of the venom, and he can't figure out why, until he realizes that oh no he hates Ben but he was also 100% flirting and that's a terrible idea, they work together it would end so poorly

But ben won't stop looking at him with his big doe eyes and eventually hux breaks and kisses him, and ben's confused? and then hux is confused, because what was this all about if Ben didn't have a crush on him, but he flees the break room and goes home and ignores all the calls to his phone and shows up to his next shift and tries to pretend that nothing happened.

At which point another one of the nurses all but slaps ben over the head for being so dumb and then they bone i guess? I created most of this plot in the last five minutes so it needs some refinement but I just need one for the nurses tbh. THIS ONE IS FOR THE NURSES it's for every nurse that's ever been nice to me and also my friend tyra

[angeldiaries777]

vent tw for everything

do we all just suffer from crippling inferiorty complex no matter how amazing we are and no matter how good our morals are. I'm pretty skinny smart funny kind talented young stylish self aware good at conversation charistmatic yet i still lay awake at night thinking i fucking hate everyone i fucking hate life and i fucking hate myself

maybe its the depression maybe its the fact that i am delirious rn NO ONE KNOWS ive just never fuckin had friends so ive never percieved myself not since i was a kid so ive been so confused about who i am lately and for a while. i just play this role of this girl who barely survives everyday because everything is mentally exhausting and i am permanently drained and tried despite rotting 24/7

like i know im cool i know im worthy of self love and i def have loved myself a lot for some reason the fucking monster of self doubt just wins everytime. i just want one day where i feel like i can function. im too young to be this broken. im too young to feel this stuck in life. the sad part is i would be okay with my little hermit lifestyle aswell as long as i wasn't depressed to my core and riddled with anxiety which is physically painful. this seems to be the case with a lot of mentally ill people my heart just breaks a little extra for myself because i went from childhood straight into coping with mental illness and life. i just wish i had something to give me clarity. ive mentioned before how i feel stupid and stagnant lately that was nothing but the truth. i miss learning. i miss discovering. i miss not being forced to be cynical. once you know you can't unknow. and i know so much yet so little at the same time. i literally can not do it on my own anymore but nothing and no one can make me escape thinking. i wish so badly i was the average person sometimes and not mentally ill. im anti meds/therapy for myself!!!! i just need a break though so i might finally bite the bullet though. wish it didnt come to this. none of this was my fault. the unfairness of life hurts my soul. its been so difficult seeing the things that nearly lead me to suicide contonue to be glamourized and normalized on the internet and stigmatized in real life. im so tired typing this so excuse me if its just me rambling i just so badly need an escape

[healthcareinsights-nd]

Non profit has profit margin

7.7%

975b

540b from mcare mcaid

470b rev

Commercial 505b

60% mcare mcaid

36%

322b commercial

Com pays overpays by 57%

Hospital acting

Most don't do cost acct

How much cost to deliver catpel tunnel, 30 mins in ER

U of Utah. Exercise total cost internallu

Actual ER .82$ per min

Surgery ortho 12$ per min

Michael Porter research amazing

Lower cost by half a point

Others went up 2.5%

Something under water

Intermountain

5 million salt lake, Provo

Intermountain own ins and health care

Risk take prem and

Compete with I'm for

Geisinger and IM hp takes rx and provides care

Incentives prudent steward

Increase safety, outcomes

**

Complex pt HCC

80% comes from 20%

50% spent on 5%

Orho

Cardiac

Cancer

Arts

Icu

Elderly

orhto hip knee fractured pinning of hip medical complex

Pe, diarrhea anesthesia gi tract dehydration kidney function, delirious pain med, worse dementia, hard time coming back

Cardiac heart attack, narrow artery, stent, powerful

Bleeding, blood thinners vs revolting massive blood transfusion

Respiratory failure

Cancer

Liquid tumor solid

Infections yeast fungal

Hospitalized

Platelets count

Bone marrow

Gi gu tumor

Blotted

Hospital never discharged go to snf

Bounce back

If come back ...does not get paid.

Tragedies...tremendous financial rx..overcharge

Other health s

***

Charge capture Sepsis

Chart to BC

Daily notes

Coders

Drgs for inpatient

Sepsis systematic infection

Temp, BP reduced

518k 2004

1 .5 m 2015

Tripled

Others gone down

Reimbursement changed higher than fur other

Medical severity DRg

Case mgmg would reach how to change

upcoding

***

RAnd studies 2019

Comm ins pays 241% of Medicare

150 to 400%

Ok is 293% and IP is 204%

Pp for basket

Basket of services

ER cath lab ct mri ortho Endo lab circulation respiratory labor

basket of services is issue

Basket provided and what consumed

Hospital system data missing

baylor 255%

8k 15.6

Sample size too small

Texas health 294%

7112 18.2 m

1.9b

0.96%

**

[hiodoshi-ao]

Overwhelmed with how amazing today already is and I'm feeling extremely physically ill atm... LmAO Just rolling with it. 😵‍💫

I'm sad I didn't prepare anything for Louis' birthday... I wish I did. Maybe next year if I'm still in the fandom. I might be. I've always low-key been a Louie. You can maybe see his pretty face's influence on the fan art I've drawn of anime boys 😎

I'll be sharing other people's works later maybe today!!! I'm so proud of all the creators in our fandom as well. I was wondering if this fandom was still alive until I ran into a random YouTube comment.

Excuse me, I feel so delirious from how sick I feel. So surprisingly happy too?? I'd take medicine but I've already been taking ibuprofen and acetaminophen almost every day due to other pains... I caught something from my best friend this time. LOL 😅 All the mental pain from this year and the years of holiday trauma didn't prepare me for tonight. I really don't expect anything?? 😭

Another thing, I have some request art for people that I wanted to take care of in 2 days... I almost made it but the last few days were... Extremely heavy and toxic, I'm sorry. I was asking people to request me, too. I'm so embarrassed, but life can be a rollercoaster like that I suppose... 🙁 If either of the two lovely people are reading this, YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM ME SOON HOPEFULLY 😭

All my amazing mooties, artists, writers, editors, and absolutely hILAROUS people I follow, and the people who liked my personal posts before, the people who've been so nice to me here... You have no idea how much you've brightened my asocial ass life. If I sound like a broken record, it's because I am. I really need to reach out to people more, but It's so difficult for me to 🥲

Whether you post(ed) something earlier in the year, today, later, know that I love you, I love you, I love yooouu, thank you for brightening our dashes with your posts!! I'm so proud of you. You have no idea! 🥰

Anyway... because Idk how to change the topic 😓

My sis & I are both sober hobby artists, btw lol

What sprung these feelings... Not the the holiday spirit, tbh, not LOUIS FUCKING TOMLINSON'S BIRTHDAY. (IT'S ADDING TO IT NOW THOUGH LMAO 😭😭😭)

I listened to one of the most engaging & fun No Sleep Podcasts with my sister. It's 1am now but I'll be up for a little longer because she asked. It's all horror. Lol The last one we listened to hit so close to home at one point, but I couldn't completely focus because I was so shook at how my line art was coming out?? I made one of my life achievements before the year ended?? Like wHAT?? IT'S AN X-MAS EVE MIRACLE 😭😭😭

Gonna try to keep it up when I feel less sick... and a lil during. ✌️🤪 I HOPE THIS MEANS YOU ALL WILL GET MORE ART FROM ME??! That's so exciting?? I wanna be more proud of myself on my art journey next year... Once I find a job, a therapist and get on meds again, maybe that could be a reality for me...

My sister also made the most lovely gift for someone on the spot. She doesn't see how absolutely adorable & beautiful it is, but I do. I took some pics cuz it was that satisfying to look at?? I WANNA MAKE FANART OF IT.

We both need to believe in ourselves more... Gonna show her the photos of the cow I took in a couple of months. I hope she sees what I see some day. That's one of my holiday wishes 🥺

[butchdykekondraki]

Jay has the same energy right now as every boyfriend or girlfriend who spends time with their partner right after getting their wisdom teeth removed. Like delirious from pain meds type of sappy.

I'm talking "He's MY boyfriend? He loves ME?" type energy. /pos

– Verna 🐇

NO YEAH THATS. BASICALLY WHATS GOING ON FOR ME RIGHT NOW

[isleofancients]

"better, whenever you're holding me," they promise, closing their eyes, and nuzzling.

"I held Aiddn. talked to him. convinced Aiden to let me talk to Dŵr. when he could see, his looked around in a panic- when he saw me, he just about collapsed. except for the already tied down part. he looked at me like I was the first sunrise he'd seen in a thousand years."

"...I've never seen him so- I don't know. I guess vulnerable. desperate to touch. terrified to close his eyes again. flinching whenever Aiden snarled at him-"

"he snarled. hearing that sound from him, my emerald- i felt lost. like i was losing him. Dŵr... was desperate not to be left there. so I offered a deal."

Bells explains the terms to him. outlines the m!a's. describes him falling in two. scooping up the pieces. trying to heal, with limited success. bringing him back to Rasse- Aiden, snarling again, what they'd said, and Rasse had... and how he'd shut down.

those words. 'I love you papa,' walking away like a windup toy, his head hung.

"...showered, came to get you, want to go back now. our kiddo has had far too much access to Dŵr's memories, my emerald. and it's left a deeper influence than i like. he's resting now, but..."

"I need to rest. but we need to be there."

"...I'm scared, love. I don't want him to slip away."

He pulls you into his lap, keeping the jacket tucked over your shoulders, the hood pulled up and a nuzzle to the lapel lighting a few of the stitches, filling you with a feeling of closeness, warmth and comfort.

"If it helps, butterfly? And I'm not sure it will..." He says softly. " But I think he's getting a lot of it from Mo too. Same kind of anger, the massive overreaction..."

He sighs.

"Hell, I'd even call what he's doing obsession." He kisses your temple with a soft hum. "Do you remember how Mo was, not long after we first met, clinging to Umbra whenever he got the chance? How extremely attached to his brother he was?"

"...it got a lot worse, while you were away. He was constantly snapping and snarling at Huitzi while he and Umbra were growing close, was always out half delirious hunting for gifts to bring him whether they be a pretty rock or something almost dead. Sitting outside of Flare's room after they had their fight, glaring at the door until one of his boys chased him off." He gives you a squeeze. "At one point he found an abandoned building not too far away, and started preparing it to be a dungeon, making plans to kidnap and torture as many people as possible to give Umbra all the negativity he could ever need, so he'd be fed and no longer in pain."

"I managed to figure out what he was doing in time to stop him." He assures, softly. "He was extremely upset about it though. Pretty much rabid. If I could actually, y'know, be injured, he'd have left me full of holes."

"I had to toss him in my space so he could have a safe place to burn off his energy and tire himself out." He says. "And even then it took a long while to actually get him to listen to me. It was only the threat that he'd probably scare Umbra into refusing to see him that made Mo finally calm down."

"He's better, now." He adds. "I reported it to Homme and he connected him with a therapist, got him on some meds. He's back in his own head now, most of the time."

"...and honestly, I'd bet Aiden gets most of that devotion and protectiveness from me." He says softly. "The vengefulness is probably still Dŵr, although I don't know the guy well enough to say for sure."

"I think the kid might've got the worst from all of us." He sighs. "And if you wrap that all up with whatever feelings he gets from looking at the doctor? Can't be a pretty package."

[waltenfiled]

"Where does it hurt?" and "Can you feel this?" please please :')

Not guranteed or however you spell that, to have correct medical information!!!!!! i didnt listen during my lectures!!!!!!! ^___^ i just searched it up on wikihow instead <33 /hj

“Call the medics! Agent down!”

Bang.

“Hotch where are you? I called the meds, which agent got gunned down?”

Bang.

Bang.

“It was Agent Reid.”

Bang.

“One, it’s Doctor, two, That son of a bitch.”

There had been a fear engraved in Spencer's very anatomy, that at some point -- within every tick of the minute hand, that one day, in some twisted, fucked up fantasy of someone that wants to play god with his life -- that he'll relapse and lose everything.

It wasn't totally out there. Spencer had relapsed time and time before, but all of those instances had his knowing consent. 

What Spencer feared was involuntary injection of his drug.

“This hurts.” Spencer groaned  to himself as he laid still on the rocky ground. Trying his best on keeping his body flat despite the rocks that were piercing at his back and at his neck.

Gunshots were still being fired. “Where the hell are the medics!” he heard Morgan shout in the distance, in which he replied rasply. “They probably don’t wanna get in the middle of a gun fight!”

“Don’t you dare smartass me in the middle of a shooting pretty boy!” he said, causing Spencer to chuckle. “I can’t help it, it’s just so easy! It’s second nature.”

Spencer sighed. “Being shot is also second nature to me at this point.” he spoke to himself.

“Step one, act quickly and keep still to avoid any other injuries.” he told out loud, “Step two, take cloth, bandage, or gauze and press directly against the wound using the palm of your hand. Continue for at least ten minutes. If bleeding does not stop, check the location of the wound and consider repositioning yourself.”

“Step three? Prepare for the victim to go into shock. In this case, I’m the victim.”

* * * *

“I don't want to go to the hospital –” Spencer hicced hysterically, clutching weakly at the paramedic’s forearm as they rolled him to the ambulance. “– please, anywhere else but.”

“Reid, you need medical attention.” A voice above him spoke, somewhere to his left, voice cracked, which was strange. 

He shuffled to his left,

What was my left again? Over here, right?

But found himself restrained by hands.

“Hotch –?” Spencer called, arching his neck to look desperately for his superior. “Sir? I, please tell them to not take me, I can take it. I'm strong I'm strong.”

A hand landed on his chest, pushing it back down on the gurney, “I don't doubt that you're strong, Reid, but you need to be brought to the hospital immediately.” Hotch, voice riddled with something acute, something foreign, something that almost sounds like grief, said. 

“I'll tell them to not give you narcotics.”

Spencer shook his head rapidly, “No no no no! It's not even about that anymore! Please don't let them take me, I'll be good –” he shook deliriously, “I don't.. Hotch please. I don’ wanna go. Don't wanna.”

“Reid?”

Spencer swallowed, breaths heavy. “Hotch?” he spoke with a whimper.

“I'm sorry, Reid.” he spoke with a sigh, as he felt the terrifying feeling of the gurney being lifted from the ground, and rolled up into the ambulance.

Spencer groaned upon impact when the wheels of the gurney made contact with the metal floor. Gurneys, he repeated in his head, Gurneys.

What even are Gurneys? 

“What are gurneys?” he asked curiously, “I know they're used by first responders but they're like what fish are to scientists. Regular people know that fish exist, and scientists do too but you aren't really aware that scientists are aware that fishes are actually a concept? Anything can be a fish.” he rambled off, so deep in his head — that was still being caressed by Hotch — that he didn't even feel the paramedic preparing for the pain killers to be injected into his bloodstream.

Hotch nodded, “Gurneys are things that first responders use to move a patient from one place to another. They're lightweight for easy moving, and they're useful for delivering patients into their vehicles.”

“Huh.” Spencer muttered, wincing at the slight, familiar and addictive and so so disgusting feeling, of a needle being pricked into his skin into the veins of his left wrist. “Hotch –” he gasped.

Hotch moved fast, hushing him softly and his hand moved to play with his hair. Affectionately petting it as Spencer wriggled and whimpered at the small, miniscule, feeling of a needle being inserted into his anatomy.

He hiccuped, eyes almost full with unshed tears as the paramedic placed a bandaid over the needle. Keeping it further in place, keeping it deeper into him. Spencer tried not to groan, not in front of them; “What did you inject in me?”

“Oxymorphone.” The paramedic responded matter of factly as they continued to their duties as a medical professional, but Spencer couldn't care less about that.

He turned to Hotch in sudden fear, “H – Hotch.” he stuttered out weakly, looking intently at the blurry image of his superior. He was frowning. Good.

“Excuse me. Oxymorphone is a narcotic.” Hotch berated, “I said strictly, no narcotics.” Huh? When did he say that?

“I've already injected it into his bloodstream. It's dangerous, we'll lay the drugs off the moment this bag runs out, then we'll tapper him off. For now, you have to adjust to it, sir.”

“I'll have a word with your superior after this.” Hotch spat, not leaving any room for argument before he directed his attention back to Spencer. “So what was it about Gurneys, Spencer?”

Spencer grumbled, “They're weird and I don't like them.”

“I mean if you're going to roll me off with an injury, at least roll me off with something comfortable! Like a couch!!” Spencer stilled as the paramedic checked his pulse, an impulse suddenly surfacing to push their hand away but ultimately decided against it. Hotch wouldn't like that.

Speaking of Hotch, he turned his attention towards him with a pout. “I'm uncomfortable. I hate the feeling of plastic.” he complained with a drag, causing Hotch to raise his eyebrow.

“Gurneys aren't made of plastic, Spencer.”

“Then what are they made of!” He bursted out, causing the paramedic to jolt. “Sorry – I just hate gurneys. Is that even a real word anymore? I hate hospitals so much.”

The paramedic nodded in understanding, although shakily. They turned towards Hotch, which was weird because he was right there and they could easily talk to him. 

“Sir he's moving too much.” they spoke, again to Hotch, as if he wasn't there.

“I'm right here.” He mumbled, probably just an honest mistake on their part, but found himself ignored by the paramedic, again, as they rattled off more about him ‘staying still’, which he would be if he was asked; directly to his face.

Hotch, face deceptively straight as he nodded off the paramedic, leaned down to Spencer's ear, “I'm going to get them fired.” he spoke firmly, causing a small delirious smile to appear on Spencer’s face.

‘Good’ he mouthed as he drummed his hands beside him. ‘Get them.’

Aaron nodded, a rare smile on his lips. ‘I'll make sure of it.’ he mouthed back.

The paramedic looked between them questioningly, in which Aaron only waved them off. “I told him to still.” he informed, hands tapping near Spencer’s stomach as Spencer exhaled. “Just like you asked me to do. Now please continue helping him.”

They nodded. “Where does it hurt?” they asked as they pressed their palm against numerous parts of his belly gently, causing Spencer to wince.

“Here.” he said, grabbing the paramedic’s hand and placing it on his abdomen. “This is where it hurts. You can tell because there’s three bullet wounds there.” he told snarkily, which went over the paramedic’s head as they nodded.

“Sir I need you to apply pressure to it.”

Aaron did as he was told, applying as much pressure and weight as he could in his hand as Spencer winced at the intense feeling. "Can you feel this?" he asked, causing him to bring a hand to slap at his superior’s shoulder.

“Of course I can feel it!”

Aaron chuckled. “Right, of course.”