#I'm calling him Kolya

[undiscovered-horizon]

Who am I to complain? - Nikolai Lantsov x Reader

[emotional and verbal abuse, unhealthy parent-child relationships]

SUMMARY: When your parents come to visit, Nikolai finally understands why you've never been keen to talk about them. Being the King and your husband, he isn't afraid to defy them.

WORDCOUNT: ~ 4.5k

>>Grishaverse-inspired playlist<<

"Have you listened to anything I've just said?"

Nikolai shakes you awake from being lost in thought. You look away from the insanely interesting skirting board you had been staring at for the past ten minutes. He’s watching you with raised eyebrows, awaiting an answer.

"I…” you hang your voice. At first, you wanted to just apologize and ask him to repeat himself but then a sense of dread sprouts in your abdomen - one you can’t quite put a finger on but it takes over your entire mind. ���I'm sorry, Kolya. Please, don’t be mad at me, I’m sorry,” you plead, gradually speaking faster.

“I’m not angry,” he states firmly. “But I am growing concerned for you, love. What’s going on?”

“I just keep thinking about my parents' visit,” you confess while rubbing your forehead. “Ever since the letter arrived, I can hardly think about anything else."

"Yes, I've noticed you have been a bit absent for the past few days. I assumed you were going to talk to me when you're ready. Are you?"

"They're not bad people," you begin in a strange tone that makes Nikolai doubt your words right away, "and they've only done their best to give me a good life. Despite that, they have a tendency to bring out the parts of me I've grown to dislike." 

“Isn’t that what every family does?” he jokes in hopes of easing your visible discomfort. But his good humour is gone the moment you look away with a sombre expression stuck to your features.

Nikolai always considered himself exceptional at self-control but something about your sadness makes him gradually abandon reason. As you forlornly stare into the darkness of your shared bedroom, he’s ready to stick feathers to his clothes and pretend to be a peacock just to make you laugh.

“Love,” he calls out softly. His hand rests between your shoulder blades. “You’re the queen. If you want, we can call their visit off right away.”

“That would be a little rude, no?” you ask in a meek voice.

“It’s a lot more crude to make you cry.”

“I will be alright, really,” you reassure him. That miserable look on your face is slowly creeping away. “It’s just three days. Maybe they’ve changed or they’re a lot better than I remember. I’ll be okay.”

Nikolai is unsure whether you’re trying to convince yourself or him but he doesn’t push. Despite not believing your clumsy words of reassurance, he trusts you - he’ll step in only when things really get out of hand.

Nervousness and excitement often feel the same and one might even fool themselves into believing that the mortifying tension in their muscles is actually an impatient thrill. Today, however, you don’t even try playing a little trick on yourself. The more you think about your feelings, the more you’re convinced that it’s not even nervousness but fear. Still, you don’t quite understand why exactly your parents’ visit elicits such awful emotions from you.

The door to the throne room opens and a man in a white and gold livery steps inside. He quickly walks halfway to the dais with the throne. 

The servant bows as deep as he can and clears his throat before loudly announcing: “Presenting her most royal Highness’s, the Queen’s, mother and father.”

Only then do your parents emerge from the hall, walking hesitantly through the spacious throne room. Two guards are following them and your father spares them a confused glance every few steps. But the armed men only usher him to keep walking and not turn his back to the king until allowed to do so.

Feeling fear exploding in your chest, you grip Nikolai’s shoulder even tighter. Sitting on the throne, he has to look up to meet your eyes.

“Calm down, it’s going to be alright,” he says quietly. A reassuring smile curves his lips. “You said it yourself.”

As though he is a Heartrender himself, his words make you relax. You take a deep breath and let go of his shoulder. At that moment, Nikolai stands up to greet your parents as their son-in-law first and only then the king of Ravka.

Right then, your mother quickly runs up the few steps leading to the dais. Her face is red and a deep crease now separates her eyebrows.

“I have to wait to be announced to see my own daughter?” She’s barely containing her outrage. “Nonsense!”

“I’m royalty now, mother,” you explain calmly. Your voice almost doesn’t shake.

“And I’m still your mother, the one that gave birth to you. Do I not get any benefits from that?”

Maybe some people don’t actually change.

“I’m afraid you don’t.”

“Is this gold?!” your father exclaims in shock as his hand reaches for your heavy necklace. “So because of you most of Ravka is starving?”

Too occupied with the jewellery, your parents don’t notice the palace guards stepping forward to arrest them for such an accusation aimed at the queen. Nikolai spares them a meaningful look, waving them off. In his heart, he agrees with them.

“Actually, this is a gift from a businessman in Kerch,” you say quietly. Suddenly, you remember why you’ve never visited them since your wedding.

“Still, don’t you think this is a little distasteful?”

Your mother places her hand on your father’s shoulder. “She’s always been vain, darling,” she reminds him.

You’re not a queen anymore - at least you don’t feel like it. All of the gold, silk and jewels are gone and you’re back to being a scared, little girl with hay stuck in her hair. Tears sting your eyes.

Whatever you do is wrong. All of your efforts are underwhelming. Maybe they’d be happier if you weren’t there.

"You're crying?” your father asks with a hint of disgust in his voice. “Oh, don't be so sensitive, you know we’re only joking!” He’s still holding your necklace in his fingers, admiring the glistening crystals. Standing so close to you, he lowers his voice significantly to appear inconspicuous but Nikolai manages to pick up his calloused words. “Pull yourself together, this is embarrassing.”

As she usually does, your mother brings the attention back to herself. “She can be a bit much at times, so I hope you’re a patient one!”

The guards exchange questioning looks, silently asking one another if they should intervene this time. Most of the time they follow Tolya and Tamar’s steps but they’re left to their own devices on this day as Nikolai ordered the twins to take a day off. Perhaps it’s for the best - they’d surely escalate this already uncomfortable situation but it’s only because they care.

“I’d say it’s quite the opposite,” Nikolai answers, unaffected. Despite his speaking to your mother, he’s looking into your eyes. “I can never get enough of her.”

“For most of her life, I thought she’d never get married!” your mother continues. She’s gripping your arm with much more strength than her appearance suggests. “Men don’t like them independent, stubborn and opinionated.”

Nikolai’s polite smile doesn’t falter. “Three qualities of an excellent Queen.”

Your mother laughs obnoxiously. “Just wait a few years, dear.” She pats his shoulder. The guards look between themselves again. “You’ll be quick to send her off just like we were!”

Both of your parents laugh wholeheartedly while you and Nikolai exchange knowing looks. Now he understands why you have been so uneasy lately. This is going to be the longest three days of his life.

The perplexity continues as your mother suddenly places her hands around your waist, examining your torso in great detail. A sour expression forms on her face.

“Oh, honey, you’ve let yourself go,” she says in a worried tone. Her eyes trail the curve of your physique up until she looks at your face. With a serious glint in her eye, she advises you under her breath: “You can’t get fat and slobby if you want to keep the king.” 

The man who announced your parents appears again but this time he walks all the way to the stairs leading up to the throne, although doesn’t dare climb them. His facial expression borders on emotionless and serious as though he’s more of a marble statue rather than a servant.

“Your most royal Highness.” The man bows deeply. “The room is prepared.”

“Excellent.” Nikolai uses the opportunity to cut the awkward conversation short in a diplomatic way. “Escort our guests to their chamber.” 

“Right away, мой царь.”

When the butler disappears around the corner with your parents apprehensively following him, Nikolai looks at you with a grim expression. 

“Are they usually like this?” he asks, disapproval hiding between his words.

“They’re worse at home,” you answer with a shrug. A lot of terrible feelings and thoughts you were convinced you had left behind are coming back and you’re unsure how to handle that.

“You’ve put up with this kind of disrespect for your whole life?”

“It’s not disrespect, just…” you hang your voice looking for the right expression, “tough love. They don’t mean any harm.”

“Don’t mean any harm?” he repeats in disbelief. “They’ve been here for fifteen minutes and they are yet to say something nice to you. Neither of them even asked whether you’re doing alright.”

A short, troubled sigh leaves your lips. Your fingers trail the golden embroidery decorating his kaftan. “I’m married to a dashing, handsome king and live in a palace. I think they know I’m doing well.”

His hand gently grabs yours, keeping it against his chest. “As much I like flattery, especially coming from you, you can’t pull wool over my eyes, love. It’s not a matter of knowing but principle. Remember our wedding? The guests kept asking how you’re doing so much, you kept saying you’re perfectly fine before they even got a chance to ask.”

The memory elicits a chuckle from you. Yes, everyone seemed to be preoccupied with making sure you were happy and satisfied. It came to such a point, you yelled at Nikolai’s cousin ‘Yes, I’m fine!’ before she gave you a weird look and asked if you wanted some vodka mixed with your champagne. Truly, the only royal thing about Marina is her ungodly fortune but maybe that’s why you’ve grown to like her a lot - she’s down to earth and easy-going.

Nikolai squeezes your hand in a gentle, reassuring manner. “Just say the word and I will personally throw them out.”

“Kolya!” You gasp at his offer but it quickly turns into laughter. “They’re my parents and your in-laws!”

“They also refuse to show care and respect towards my beloved Queen.”

That mellow, loving look in his eyes nullifies any annoyance you might feel at his stubbornness. You pull your hand out of his grasp and place it on the side of his face. Consciously or not, he slightly leans into your touch. “I appreciate your concern.” Not minding the guards in the room, you’ve grown used to their constant presence, you peck his lips shortly. “But they have just arrived. You’ll warm up to them.”

Nikolai doesn’t answer at first. He only reconnects your lips, kissing you deeper, more desperately. When you feel his hands coming up to your waist, you lean away from him. For a moment, you swear you can see a grimace of dissatisfaction on his face.

“Be decent,” you reprimand him but the wide smile you wear so well rids your words of all seriousness.

“You started this.”

“And I will finish if you play nice.”

Nikolai takes a rather long step back, away from you,  just to make a point. He’s standing with his hands behind his back, an excited grin on his face. “You make an exquisite diplomat, you know that?”

“I learned from the best.”

The time for dinner came faster than you wanted it to. Anxiety bubbled inside your chest again. Still, you continued trying to soap up your eyes with thoughts that maybe when they sit across the table from a king, they’re going to withdraw their little jabs at you. As they say: Hope is the mother of all fools. And you’re about to learn that.

Nikolai raises his cup with wine. “A toast to our beloved Queen,” he announces in an official tone. Out of the corner of his eye, he spares you an adoring look. “Without her, I’d be a lonely, perplexed king. May we not know the world without her.”

To your horror, your father decides to join him. “May she get a grip and come to her senses.”

The dry wine tastes even more bitter as you take what’s supposed to be a celebratory sip. What if he’s right about you? It’s only the beginning of the evening and you already wish you can miraculously vanish or, worst case scenario, just run away. 

You’re about to take a bite of the roasted pheasant on your plate when your mother looks at you with raised eyebrows. She points her fork between you and the plate. “Should you really be eating all of this?” 

You don’t answer her. Whatever you say will only egg her on. Get a grip, you scold yourself and clench your fist to push fingernails into the sensitive skin of your palm. The pain is distracting, grounding.

 "You know, sweetheart, you're not getting any younger,” your mother continues. She always does that - throwing poignancies one after another and seeing what sticks. Now, when she’s literally the mother of the queen, she’s even bolder than before.

“Mother-”

“Don’t interrupt me.” She points her knife at you. “All I’m saying is as a wife, especially the queen, you have only one duty and you shouldn’t wait with it. Things will only get more difficult as you age.”

Nikolai gives your mother a bright smile. “Have no worries,” he cuts in. “We’re not waiting.”

You almost drop your fork. Flustering people is definitely one of his strategies but must he really involve your sex life in his word games? Although mortified at his bluntness, you must admit it works - your mother’s face is about the same shade as the roasted tomatoes on her plate. She casts her eyes downwards, poking at the food in front of her.

The air is filled with awkward tension but Nikolai doesn’t seem to mind in. In fact, he looks quite proud of himself. You, on the other hand, aren’t as good at putting up a believable front.

“So,” you begin in hopes of easing the atmosphere”, how are things back in…” You hang your voice. You were about to say ‘home’, only to realize that it would be an honest lie. The little town where you grew up hasn’t been home in years. “...Tamboyevka?”

“Oh, you know,” your mother says as she makes a dismissive wave with her hand. “Same old, same old. Cattle and field, nothing interesting to someone of your sort, I presume! There’s never been much use of you anyway.”

Listening to your mother’s condescending words, you push your fingernails further into the skin of your hand to distract yourself from the feeling of shame that continues to grow inside your stomach and pull you down with it. Maybe the marble floor will swallow you whole in the next few minutes and all of this will be over.

Then you feel Nikolai’s warm hand sneak between your palms, breaking up your painful distraction. He leans towards you ever so slightly and whispers:

“I’d much rather you pinch and scratch my hand than hurt yourself.”

You look at his concerned face. Words of reassurance, ‘Don’t worry, I’m alright’, nearly push past your lips when your father chimes in, continuing the conversation.

“But your brother, he bought some land down south,” he announces with excitement.

“More land?” you ask. “Ha barely manages with what he already has.”

The memory of your brother’s tired, grey face flashes before your eyes. Every time you see him, he looks even sicker than before as though he never sleeps or eats, only works in the field. He even collapsed on one July day and your parents kept saying that this is a sign of an honest, hard-working man but you weren’t as quick to call a man throwing up everything he eats ‘healthy’.

“You know how he is, always helping others.” Your mother is beaming with pride as if she’s the one doing the farming. “His crops feed two villages and it’s not nearly enough for him! Said he wanted tomatoes and citruses.”

Then it hits you. It’s not a revelation in any way but rather something you don’t think about too often - most of Ravka doesn’t get fruits in winter, especially the ones growing in warmer climates near the Shu Han border. And you not only can easily get it even when snow covers the grassy fields but you’re essentially fed it. Like that one time, you shared a tangerine with Nikolai while sitting in front of a fire, talking about unimportant things.

Despite your mother sitting right in front of you, her voice echoed in your head as though she’s a phantom haunting your thoughts and not a real person: Selfish. Spoiled. Entitled. Ungrateful. People starve because of you.

You focus on Nikolai’s warm, rough hand that’s still holding your own. The pleasant sensation is gradually grounding you, pulling you out of your head and into the present moment.

“What for?” you ask as casually as you can, not giving in to the spiralling thoughts. It still feels like you’re underwater, desperately gasping for air as your lungs burn. Squeezing Nikolai’s hand, you break the surface of the vicious tides trying to drown you in panic and shame.

Your mother, on the other hand, appears completely oblivious to your plight. “Some child told him they’d like oranges and he couldn’t say no. He’s wonderful, truly. A living Saint! What a blessing to call him my son. You should take a serious cue from him, young lady.” She waves the tip of her knife in your direction again. “But enough about your brother. What do you do when you’re not wasting time? Lay around and smell nice?”

“Well,” you swallow nervously, already knowing that she won’t be satisfied with your answer, “I meet a lot of people, take correspondence, travel across the country or read if I find the time.”

Nikolai must notice the telling crease of disappointment between your mother’s eyebrows. He joins the conversation under a skilful facade of a proud, boasting husband. “Don’t sell yourself short, love. Our Queen,” he puts strange stress on the title, “has started a scholarship for disadvantaged children, takes the time to teach young girls sewing, foreign languages and arithmetic.”

“That’s quite useless, isn’t it?” your mother looks between you and your father, not acknowledging Nikolai’s presence. She keeps stabbing the roasted pheasant on her plate with a fork as though there’s still life inside the poor poultry. “Shouldn’t you try harder?” she hisses at you. “If you continue being this lazy, the whole kingdom will fall apart! What will our neighbours say then?”

Nikolai suddenly gets up. He’s still holding your hand but you can’t be sure whether he’s doing that on purpose or if it’s just an unconscious reflex. The candlelight from the crystal chandelier cascades off his face, pronouncing the clenched muscles of his jaw - he’s angry and barely holding it in.

“Our meeting at this table is adjourned,” he announces in a firm voice. “This is beyond unacceptable. I have overlooked your transgressions simply because of your affinity to my wife. Still, I am disheartened and disappointed with the way you address your queen in her own home. The guards will escort you back to your chambers.”

You hear your mother and father trying to argue and protest, saying something about you being ‘too proud’ and ‘forgetting your place’ but you’re so dumbfounded you can’t make out the details. The guards lead them out of the dining room through one of the tall pairs of doors. When they close behind them, everything goes silent - the brick walls muffle any turmoil your parents might be causing.

Suddenly, your throat constricts. It’s hard to take a breath. Has it always been so hot in here? The tips of your fingers tingle, blood never reaching them.

He threw them out and you didn’t say anything. If they didn’t hate you before, they surely do now. You’re a disappointment, not their child. They haven’t done anything wrong, after all. You’re no good, useless, ungrateful, dramatic.

Suffocating with panic, you run out of the room through a different pair of doors, across the dining hall from the ones behind which your parents had recently disappeared. You hear Nikolai’s footsteps behind you but they are muffled by the noise of bloodflow ringing in your ears.

“Hey, talk to me,” he calls out in a soft voice. You turn around to look at him. His hand is almost at the height of your shoulder but it momentarily drops as though he just backed out from touching you. “What’s going on?”

For a man as smart as him, that’s a really stupid question.

“Why did you do that, Nikolai?” you snap at him.

His eyebrows furrow slightly. A gasp of disbelief brushes past his lips - he clearly thought the two of you were on the same page. “They were insulting you over and over again. I couldn’t just sit and listen to that.”

Truly, you should have expected that. He’s been adamant about standing up to your parents from the very beginning. Still, you’re angry that he just had to be stubborn and do the one thing you explicitly asked him not to do.

“What happened to laugh at insults? Isn’t that your own advice?”

“It is.” Nikolai finally finds it in himself to place his hands on your shoulders. “But I found myself unable to remain collected when the bitter words were aimed at you.” His palms brush against your dress and the skin of your neck until they’re cradling your face.

“I can,” you state firmly. “You should have let me handle this, I’m used to this.”

You escape his loving grasp and he lets you. Walking forward away from him, you’re not quite sure where exactly you’re heading. ‘Away’ would be a lovely direction but quite impossible when you’re confined to those four walls of marble and gold.

“You shouldn’t be,” Nikolai calls out after you.

Suddenly, you halt. You look at him around your shoulder. “What?”

“You shouldn’t be used to being treated like this,” he says in a defeated tone while walking towards you again. “They just keep putting you down, humiliating you. You’re not even slightly upset about that?”

“Of course, I am but…” you hang your voice, finally questioning your own feelings towards your parents. “It’s unfair for me to be angry with them. Ungrateful. I never went hungry or cold. They gave me medication when I was sick and made sure I went to school. Every year they’d give me something for my birthday. Neither of them has ever raised their hand against me. They’ve done all they could to give me a good life. Who am I to complain?”

“You’re the Queen,” he drones the word. His hand holds the side of your face again, thumb lovingly brushing your cheek. “People say your name in the same breath as the names of all the Saints. When I don’t know what to do or what decision to make, I always ask myself what you would do. And I’ve never once regretted that. There are important people who have agreed to my invitation only after hearing that you’ll be there too. You change everything. So you get to be angry when someone refuses to see that. I know you can take a few mean words but I don’t want you to.”

For a moment, the two of you stand in comfortable, intimate silence. Your absent gaze is stuck to the floor as you’re pondering his words. Whenever you’re about to accept that maybe, just maybe, you’re doing something good and important, the voice of your mother echoes inside your head: ‘Vain’. But Nikolai wouldn’t lie to you, would he? At least not in those circumstances.

“Can you keep a secret?” he speaks up quietly, bringing your attention back to him.

“Don’t tell me you put a wild racoon in my parent’s bedroom,” you joke, surprising yourself at your newly-found humour.

He scrunches his nose. “Alright, can you keep two secrets?” The echo of the empty halls carries your bright laughter. “To be honest, I wanted to marry you the moment you argued with me about stealing that merchant frigate in Kerch.”

“I could tell,” you answer with a slow nod. “You had a really stupid look on your face, all dazed and absent. In fact, you wore the same one on our wedding day.”

Nikolai’s lips turn into a playful smile and he’s about to say something definitely smart and smooth but a servant interrupts him:

“Your most royal highness,” she says nervously as she curtsies, “your mother wishes to see you. She seems thoroughly upset, if I may say so.” Judging by her fearful, wide-open eyes, she must have gotten a taste of your parents' hurt ego.

Anxiety once again floods your mind. Maybe you should go, apologize and pray they won’t go on a tirade about ‘raising you differently’. But then you hear Nikolai inconspicuously but meaningfully clear his throat.

‘You’re the queen’, his voice echoes in your head. A queen doesn’t cower and bow her head, does she?

“Tell her I don’t take visitations tonight,” you order the servant.

“Right away, моя царица.” She can’t hide the waver in her voice. Judging by her already fearful demeanour, she can guess quite well what will happen the moment she relays the information.

Yes, you will have to warn your parents that they actually can’t hurl insults at your servants. It’s going to be challenging, yes, but this newfound confidence is a ferocious beast, driving you to own up to the title of the queen - not in the way your mother and father want you to but in a way that you need to.

“Oh, one more thing.” The girl immediately stops and turns around at the sound of your voice. “Make sure they don’t leave their wing until either of us says so. I don’t want them wandering around my home.”

“Of course, my Queen.”

The servant bows again and leaves the two of you in a rushed step. Nikolai waits until she disappears around the corner to let his hand drop to the small of your back. He leans in close, indecently so. “I love it when you get all commanding,” he whispers against your neck.

An airy laugh leaves your lips as he pecks the soft skin behind your ear.

____

мой царь [mo-ee tzar] -> my tsar/king

моя царица [mo-ya tsa-ree-tsa] -> my tsaritsa/queen

[doukeshi-kun]

I like that one scene when stalker!kolya was being teased by his darling in the part2.

It is indeed fun to tease him

𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙡𝙠𝙚𝙧!𝙣𝙞𝙠𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙞 + 𝙩𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙞𝙢

replies ⨳ i love teasing stalker!nikolai too mueheh enjoyy

content ⨳ nikolai gogol x fem!reader, some n/sfw, teasing, obsessive (and pervy) thoughts, just the usual stalker!nikolai and reader's dynamics

“Yes, I know, Erika. But the financial reports for the last several months have shown that Funhouse 16 is barely visited and has suffered quite a loss. It performed very badly compared to others. It is better to demolish it and change to a new one than renovate it again.” Nikolai says, wanting to roll his eyes annoyed. Currently, he is on a video call with his staff, sitting at his working desk in his cramped campervan. The reason why he stays here instead of going to the main tent and directly facing his staff is because you are in his campervan now. He doesn't want to leave you alone.

It has been over an hour and Nikolai still has more to go through. He wants to spend time with you, knowing you are lying on his bed, bored and have nothing to do besides waiting for him to finish work. Ah, he feels a little guilty for making you wait. He will surely treat you to a nice dinner as an apology today.

Nikolai could not help but keep glancing at you. His eyes constantly move towards you, staring for a few seconds before he remembers he has to listen to Erika's babbling. Well, could you blame him for losing focus over you? Especially when you are on his bed, gosh, Nikolai wishes he could tie you in his bed and lock you in here forever but that would be too rough for his little bird.

“Sir, what do you think?” one of his staff calls. Nikolai turns to the camera, barely remembering what the hell is going on but the mindless notes he jotted on his own paper helps him to respond professionally.

“Well, to be fair, this...” his words falter a bit when he hears shifting noises from his left. He tries to focus again and continues to give his insight, but his curious eyes cannot help to look at you.

Nikolai feels like his breath is getting ripped away instantly.

You are on his bed, completely topless, your bra is on the pillow as you are wearing one of his shirts that you took from his bundle of clothes—he doesn't even have the time to fold them. But Nikolai certainly sees your tits and your soft tummy and your ribs and your back and your—

“Sir?”

“Ah— Uh, where the hell was I?” Nikolai asks and he hears Erika's voice. However, his attention is on you. There is a subtle playfulness on your face when you take off the shirt again, completely baring your naked upper body to Nikolai before you crawl to reach another t-shirt of his.

His face is blushing. His cock is hard. His stomach feels funny. His chest is heavy and surely he finds it harder to breathe. It is not the first time he sees you naked but he still loses his shit when he sees just a bit more of your skin. Lust erupts and his love blossoms again.

“Just a minute—” Nikolai mutes his microphone and turns off his camera and looks at you. You turn to him too with a grin. Ahh, that fucking grin when you teased him a few months back after his circus show, asking for his signature on your boobs.

“You're killing me, sweetheart.”

“What? I'm getting sleepy, so I just want to prepare for a nap. Nobody likes to sleep with a bra on and in an uncomfy blouse.” you reply, puffing the pillow. Nikolai's eyes trail to your bra and your blouse that are scattered on his bed. He wants to steal them. He wants to keep them in his possession. He wants to add them to his collection. He will buy a new one and he will steal it again after you wear it. Please, please, please.

“You're saying my shirts are comfortable for you?” Nikolai smirks and you shrug your shoulders. The shirt you wear is quite thin and as much as he wants to not be a pervert, his mind already wanders.

“Comfy enough. And I look cute in it,” you chuckle, running your hands on your breasts just to get him worked up. And oh, he did. Nikolai takes off his headphones and gets up, eyes hungry, licking his lips.

“No.”

And he stops when you place your foot on his chest, slowly pushing him back to sit on his chair. You trail your foot down his torso and lightly brush his boner before you pull away quickly as Nikolai tries to catch your ankle.

“You have work. Go to work."

“No way. Can't you fucking see how hard I am?” he whines. “I'm gonna end the meeting now.”

“No, Kolya. You already complained to me that you have a lot of work and you want to finish it today. So, do your work.”

Nikolai looks at you and bites his lips in frustration. Well, he cannot really argue with you. He knows he will obey you one way or another and you know how devoted he is to please you. He, frustratingly, turns himself to his laptop again. However, before he could prepare for the meeting again with a raging boner under his pants, he sees you getting off the bed and scoots to him.

And there, you sit on the floor, right next to his legs. You lean your head between his thighs, yawning. And Nikolai's hand instinctively places itself onto your head, caressing your hair gently.

“Uh-uh, no touching. But well... I take it back,” you yawn again. “This feels nice. Makes me feel sleepier.” your murmur, leaning your head directly on his clothed cock. And Nikolai has to hold himself back, cussing under his breath.

He will tug your hair and force his cock in your throat later, but for now, he will play nice.

©doukeshi-kun 2024 — do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, more @/cherikolya

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[raitonsfw]

𝓈𝓎𝓃𝑜𝓅𝓈𝒾𝓈: Trying to surprise Fyodor never went well; either he'd figure it out within the hour or Nikolai had to be the one to spoil it. And of course, the latter happened and there you were– trying to explain yourself with nipple piercings and a togue piercing... along with Nikolai and his godforsaken dick piercing.

warnings: 18+ mdni, smut, fem!reader, polycule!fyolai x reader, piercings (reader has nipple & tongue piercings | nikolai has a jacob's ladder dick piercing), allusions of threesomes, blowjobs, & cunnilingus, banter, pet names (dove for reader & fyolai call each other kolya and fedya), use of nikolai's ability (he uses it to unclasp your bralette), fyodor feels the reader up cuz he's so fascinated by the piercings.

a/n: i'm definitely writing a part 2 to this dw, ik i kinda edged you in this but stay tuned cuz i'll most likely make this into a full writing piece. (me secretly obsessed with fyolai x readers) wc: 600ish. v-day list | m.list

thirst count: 1

divider credit: @hitobaby & @firefly-graphics

“Kolya… What is that?” You heard the conversation next to you as Nikolai changed into his sleepwear and you wanted to fucking smack him.

The entire week you both had hid your piercings from Fyodor, tiptoeing past him– you with your mouth closed most of the time and an extra padded bra on but Nikolai? He didn’t bother to really hide his, seemingly forgetting he had it due to his pain threshold. It worked out well for the most part and unless Fyodor intended to suck him off– or intended to make you suck him off– he didn’t notice.

Fyodor wasn’t very suspicious– after all he had been fairly occupied, even during your few sexual escapades with Nikolai. You both had redirected him each time his hands grasped at your shirt and he wasn’t much of a kisser– no that was Nikolai’s guilty pleasure, who gladly slipped his tongue into your mouth to taste the metallic bar every chance he got. He had positioned himself behind you on the pillow, leaning down to kiss you each time Fyodor lapped into your cunt, his white braid falling against your shoulder. And your hand would come up to squeeze at the bulge of his striped trousers, eliciting a sharp groan from him each time you did it. 

You were honestly surprised the both of you got this far without Fyodor noticing. 

“You like it, Fedya?” Nikolai cooed, thrumming his finger over the piercing. “Got it just for you.”

“How do I respond to that– well, I don’t hate it?” Fyodor’s eyes had dimmed, you didn’t know whether it was in lust or in calculation as he stared at the piercing– a jacob’s ladder piercing to be exact. It could very well be both plaguing his mind, the gears turning silently as he indicated each ring of the piercing against the underside of Nikolai’s dick.

“Dove’s got some too, don’t you?” Nikolai flashed a smile towards you as he adjusted his sleep pants against himself, flopping down next to Fyodor with a satisfied groan. “C’mon, he already knows now– what good can it do not to show him?”

“It was supposed to be for Valentine’s Day…” You muttered out with a quiet sigh, but you already felt Fyodor’s eyes on you– in fact he even moved off the bed just to find out for himself. He carefully undid the buttons on your pajamas and threaded over the light bralette you wore to sleep underneath it, his breath hitching in the process. 

“Some piercings?” Fyodor quoted Nikolai with a tilted expression and you stuck out your tongue, a surprised look crossing his face. “Oh-!”

“We made sure you wouldn’t notice, but Nikolai ruined it…” You pouted, your tongue sliding back into your mouth.

“Oops.” Nikolai grinned mischievously, felting his cape against the edge of the bed. “I forgot I even had the piercing.” 

“No, you didn’t.” You said pointedly as Fyodor slipped his hands into the crescented lace, running his thumb over the nub of your nipple piercing. You inhaled sharply, your hands coming up to hold his– suddenly it came loose with a slight tug and you looked behind you to see Nikolai’s hand delving out of his golden portal. 

“Lai–” You started, but Fyodor had already started to glide the bralette off with a smirk playing on his lips. You couldn’t really think straight as his fingers tweaked against the dull pleasure of your nipple– of the piercing that heightened almost every nerve there. A light moan fell from your lips, looking past Fyodor to Nikolai’s coy expression. 

“What? Fedya probably wants to see, right?” Nikolai chuckled, pushing you towards him and you both winded up next to him on the bed soon after your bralette was shed. “I do too– now strip for us, dove.”

[autumnleaf1111]

𝙸𝚏 𝚋𝚜𝚍 𝚠𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚜𝚎𝚝:

The “Chuuya shoots Dazai” scene

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Chuuya: this is probably the gayest scene we’ve done… Asagiri! What are even doing anymore!?

Asagiri: making the audience suffer— I MEAN, we need drama.

Dazai: uh huh…

Fyodor: nah fam, y’all two have done gayer shit.

Yosano: “you used corruption believing in me? How beautiful…” you two made that scene so much gayer than it was intended.

Ranpo: WHERE IS ED?!?!?!

Nikolai: Yo, Fedya! You got the garlic breath and pecans?

Fyodor: yup! You got the knives and water?

Nikolai: mhm!

Yosano: tf is yall about to do…?

Fyodor: Dawg, Our business, is our business so kindly kys.

Ranpo: DID NO ONE HEAR ME?!?!

Dazai: yall here sum’ ?

Chuuya: Nah, I think I still got some water in my ear from when we were supposed to drown me and Fyodor.

Higuchi: I can smack your gay ass upside the head if you need?

Chuuya: where tf did you come from?!

Higuchi: My dead mother, NOW WHY THE FUCK DID YOU TAKE MY SHERBET?!?!

Gin: uh, that was me, my bad fam.

Higuchi: I’m telling your brother you have a boyfriend.

Gin: BRO WHAT?! IM INTO GIRLS TF

Higuchi: get me new sherbet then

Gin: no, tf? It’s like 3 bucks, you’re not broke.

Mori: both of you stfu before I take away your crowns.

Gin: whatever

Higuchi: *rolls eyes*

Fukuzawa: Mori, your daughter is trying to break into the alcohol room again.

Mori: Motherfuck— ELISE ELORI ANYA, WHAT DID WE TALK ABout………slowly fades from the room

Kunikida: has anyone seen Katai? We were supposed to go to the new cafe later but I can’t find him.

Nikolai: I saw him by the cameras, I think he was trying to fix it or smth, idfk

Kunikida: Thanks Kolya—

Fyodor: Oi! Watch it Kunikida, only I can call him Kolya.

Kunikida: I get it Fyodor, you’re in love with Nikolai but that doesn’t mean you need to be such a simp.

Fyodor: I am not—

Chuuya, Dazai, Yosano, Higuchi, Gin: Yes you are.

Kunikida: you’re lucky he’s not paying attention, as usual.

Fyodor: alright stfu. Kolya, let’s head out for now, we still got an hour before we gotta be back.

Nikolai: ‘ight, Let’s get boba!

Fyodor: whatever you’d like, Kolya!

Dazai: Nah…they’re so gay for each other, yet too stupid to realize it.

Yosano: you can’t be talking, you’re just as stupid.

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: Dead Apple, Chuuya’s gotta put his face in Dazai’s crotch—

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Chuuya, reviewing the script: *murmurs* then you lean your head close in Dazai's lap— I NEED TO DO WHAT?!?!

Dazai, sitting across from Chuuya: nah, wtf, BRO?!?! ASAGIRI, IM COMING FOR YOU TOMORROW.

Chuuya: There's no way I'm doing that! It's ridiculous!

Dazai: I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to do acting with you.

Chuuya: we are gonna be laughing the whole time— what is Asagiri trying to accomplish?!

Yosano, sitting beside Asagiri, handing him a container of random foods: thank you for doing this, they need to get their feeling together, so if this doesn’t work, I’m locking them in a closet until they talk shit out.

Asagiri, sipping on his soda: so, who should we do next?

Yosano: hm… how about my idiot brother Ranpo and his “best friend” Poe, they are so in love it’s unbelievable.

Asagiri: wait— they aren’t already together?!

Yosano: Nope! Sadly.

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: Nikolai frees Fyodor and Dazai, then calls Fyodor his best friend.

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Fyodor: holy shit, holy shit, holy shit!

Sigma: Bro, you good?

Fyodor: fuck, fuck, FUCK—

Sigma: Uh— Fyodor? Yo! Russian rat bitch, Are you okay?

Chuuya: no, he’s not

Sigma: Why? Tf did Dazai do to him?

Dazai: I didn’t do shit!

Sigma: then why is dawg freaking out like his favorite drag queen just died?

Chuuya: you remember the part where Nikolai held his hands?

Sigma: yeah? Why?

Dazai: well, considering it wasn’t in the script, Fyodor wasn’t expecting his crush to grab his hands so now he’s freaking out.

Nikolai: is Fedya okay?

Dazai: oh he’s fine, he’s just having a gay panic right now.

Nikolai: uh, why?

Chuuya, trying not to laugh: Bro, Nikolai, you grabbing Fyodors hands wasn’t in the script so of course he’s flustered by you, you make him blush all the time.

Nikolai: I make Fedya blush?

Dazai: Every time you get close to him he blushes and is nicer to you than the rest of us, I think Fyodor has a crush on you, Nikolai. I know you like him too.

Chuuya: Dawg, don’t even try to deny it Nikolai, I’ve seen you two have a cuddle session in the break room, you and Fyodor may not be together but you are definitely in love.

Nikolai: ok look, yes, I’m in love with Fedya, but like hell I’m gonna say somthing. I’d rather not ruin what we have now.

Sigma: I’ll lock you two in a closet until you talk about your feelings.

Nikolai: uh— no?!

Chuuya: Nikolai, Fyodor is your best friend and you’re in love with him, he’s in love with you, it’s not that hard to figure out, so tell him you love him.

Nikolai: you have no room to talk, Chuuya, you’re also in love with your best friend.

Chuuya: SHH, he’s literally right there!

Sigma: I’m gonna lock you and Dazai in a closet to talk about your feelings, as well.

Chuuya: no, I’m good

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: Tecchou fighting Kenji

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Kenji: Man, when we finish filming the show, I hope that Jouno gets to live in the end, then you two can have a lovers kiss!

Tecchou: Wait what—

Jouno:What?!

Kenji: oh, c’mon! You two have so much chemistry on screen!

Jouno: Kenji, there are no feelings involved for me and Tecchou, the show isn’t even a love story!

Kenji: With the way Asagiri has everyone acting in this, it’s basically a BL

Tecchou: Kenji, why do you know what BL is, aren’t you 10 or something?

Kenji: I’m 14, not 10, but still, even off cameras you two act like a married couple.

Jouno: we don’t act like a married couple.

Kenji:I could convince Asagiri to have you two adopt me in the show later…

Tecchou: No—

Jouno: just drop it, he’s not letting this go.

Tecchou: Whatever, let’s go back to the dorms.

Jouno: Mkay

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Scene: none, just them being dumbasses

༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒༒

Higuchi, kicks the break room door open: if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands.

Everyone:…

Higuchi: Damn, all y’all hoes depressed.

Q: you didn’t clap either.

Higuchi: SHUT THE FUCK UP—

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elise, trying to go with Dazai when he left the Mafia

Dazai:you can’t go…

Elise, still trying.

Dazai: no…I’m sorry, you can’t go.

Elise: fuck you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gin, sitting on the steps to her apartment.

Some lady walking by: and they were roommates.

Gin: oh my god they were roommates.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elise: CHUUYA! Is that weed?!?!

Chuuya: no— it’s a crayon—

Elise: I’m calling the police!!!

Elise, types 911 on the microwave waves and they answer.

Chuuya:��.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dazai: you either buckle down and do your work or you’ll end up at McDonalds.

Q: we going to McDonalds if it don’t do my work?!

Dazai: No?!?!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kajii, poor a box of cereal in a bowl but lemons come out.

Kajii: welp, when life gives you lemons.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chuuya: Q, let me see what you have!!!!

Q: A KNIFE!!!!

Chuuya: NO!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[wizardfrog69]

Nsfw hcs with a gn reader having a 3some with fedya kolya and sigma I need those crumbs its like 2am, maybe I should sleep

I have never written a threesome let alone a foursome before. Let's hope I don't fuck it up too bad. Thanks for the request and I hope you got some sleep :)

'•.¸♡ foursome hc ♡¸.•'

Fyodor x Nikolai x Sigma x gn!reader

Nsfw

Please if you don't feel comfortable with nsfw/nsft content do not read this

Masterlist

Enjoy!

Fyodor and Nikolai both want to be dominant so there would have to be some compromise (mostly from Nikolai's part, Fyodor is not giving up his dominance).

Sigma would just be there like really shy and also not knowing what to do... like at all. He'll have to ask Nikolai before hand what the hell he should do.

Like half of you are away at work (Fyodor and Sigma although Nikolai also has times where it takes him longer to clean something up). So you all didn't have sex together well into the relationship.

When you all had a free night Nikolai came up with the so called "brilliant" plan of sleeping together, what could be the harm in that? After all some of you did sleep together, just more separately or have seen each other naked at the least.

The first time you did it, the beginning was a bit awkward but as you eased into it it got less awkward and an experience enjoyed by all.

Nikolai and Fyodor were dominant while you and Sigma weren't, and were mostly the bottoms.

Both Nikolai and Fyodor have a tying up kink, so if everyone is comfortable with it then someone will definitely have some rope/handcuff marks on them, I don't know if ribbons and other things leave a mark/imprint.

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

I'm sorry, I'm bad writing nsfw :').

I didn't watch a movie so... idk.

Have a wonderful day/night, stay safe.

-Az

[poetryandfluffycats]

Dances and Daydreams

A/N: this is turning into a bsd blog😭 this oneshot is a part of this kidnapper nikolai au ive got going on (Quiz time! being the first oneshot) but its not like you have to read them in order or anything

Pairing: Kidnapper!NIkolai Gogol x fem!reader

Content: Nikolai asks you to dance, and daydreams fill your mind

Warnings: kidnapping, mentions of torture

Words: 522

Oneshot under cut!

Another day, another torture session.

Not real torture, anyway. Not the kind you hear about on the news, the kind that makes you say "what's happened to the world?" and then move on with your day. No, Nikolais idea of torture was something else entirely, something I wasn't sure how to put into words

"May I have this dance?" He held out a gloved hand to me, the other tucked neatly behind his back. A cheeky grin was plastered on his face, his sharpened teeth geaming in the dim light of the basement. It was a look I saw regularly, one he gave often since we started this game of house.

Rules were simple: Play the role of the perfect girlfriend, as perfect you can be whilst stuck in this basement, and he won't kill you. It was a promise, sealed with a pinky swear and a sloppy kiss to my forehead.

"Of course, Kolya" I tired my best to smile, although it probably came out looking like a grimace. The nickname Nikolai made me call him felt sticky in the mouth, like when you eat too much cotton candy and it gets stuck to the roof of your mouth.

Cotton candy... that would be nice right now.

I placed my hand in his, allowing him to pull me off the bed and into his arms. The hand not holding mine traveled down my back, resting on my waist and gripping my gown tight. My own hand moved up to his shoulder, squeezing slightly. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it certainly wasn't comfortable, either.

We began moving, swaying side to side as Nikolai hummed a tune I didn't recognize. The rhythm was a slow one, something you'd hear at a high school prom, or a wedding. I tired to imagine us somewhere else, anywhere but this shitty basement. On the dancefloor at our wedding, him looking his best in a fancy tux, I imagined it being white, and me in a pretty dress, like the one I had been eying up at the boutique near my work. It would be a beautiful day, a little girls daydream.

My nightmare.

The fantasy shattered in my mind. The image of Nikolai in a ironed suit, hair neat and tied back, eyes not covered by layers upon layers of facepaint quickly turned into him now. His hair was a fizzy mess in his braid, his jester get-up torn and covered in who-knows what, his cakey makeup that still failed to hide the deep bags under his eyes. The wedding venue morphed into the basement, the bright lights transformed into the flickering of the single candle in the corner, my big, poofy dress was back to the lifeless gown I wore.

This wasn't a wedding, it wasn't a fairytale.

It might as well have been my funeral.

"Dove? Everything okay?" Nikolai suddenly stopped in his tracks, using a hand to tilt my chin up.

I had started crying, god I was stupid. Crying over a wedding that didn't happen, a man I would never love. Crying over a psychopath.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Let's keep dancing"

[raparopa]

Headcanons of a what a jealous Nikolai Lanstov would look like and bonus points if we see how he apologizes for thinking you were flirting with some other guy🙏🙏🙏TYSM!!!!

a/n: ok guys! I've already received a decent number of requests, and I think I'll wait until there are about 10 of them or something no MORE! let's call it the "Shadow and Bone" marathon. I sincerely hope that I will be able to fulfill ALL of your requests! Love you 🫀

warnings: none

pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x reader

　 ҉　Tolya is very nice. He is fond of poetry, he is cheerful and strong, and in general, Tolya is Tolya. You won't get bored with Tolya, that's for sure. But why did Nikolai so sharply began to despise all these feelings in his friend? How did this happen in just...a moment?

　 ҉　Aha! Maybe it's because instead of spending a royal evening in the arms of your prince (privateer), you, my dear, preferred to exchange something incredibly fun with Mr. Hearttender?

　 ҉　At first, Nikolai does not notice this. You are all friends for a long time and for a long time, and Tolya is your mutual friend, but the longer the evening goes on, the more restless the beautiful Николаша* feels. He finds you in the crowd, exhaling with relief, seeing you in the company of such a reliable guy as Tolya, exchanges smiles with you and continues his rest.

　 ҉　But...

　 ҉　What are you laughing at so loudly? You never laughed like that when Nikolai said... What's going on between you two?

　 ҉　Why are you standing so close? He clearly doesn't like the fact that you're not sitting next to him.

　 ҉　He catches your eye again, but this time with a message like, "Girl, are you serious?" What do you prefer to simply brush aside, not noticing the change in Lantsov's mood.

　 ҉　Saints, what's going on? Why don't you even look at him? He crumples for a couple of minutes, thinking: how and what.

　 ҉　Nikolai is clearly uncomfortable with your conversations with Tolya. He gets up from the table and walks over to you, putting on the widest, MOST insincere smile he has in his arsenal.

　 ҉　- Oh, Tolya! - Sturmhond sings sweetly. - Oh, Y/N, - he takes you by the hand. - I'm so sorry that I spoil this wonderful and fun evening for you, - Saints, Nikolai, you sound so affected and implausible that my head is spinning. - And I certainly would not want to spoil your leisure time with my inappropriate presence, Tolya ...

　 ҉　He emphasizes his name on purpose, looking meaningfully at his friend. Tolya did not understand anything. You guessed right away.

　 ҉　-Once again, I sincerely apologize, but let me steal my missus Y/N from you, of course, she will not have as much fun with me as with you, but I would like to make at least a small attempt to get closer to your…-he is tense exhales.-...charm.

　 ҉　Tolya understood. And Tolya is clearly amused. He giggles into his fist, glancing at you and Nikolai. - Of course, Nikolai. I'll go check the snack table, see if something happened to it. -Tolya simply answers, nodding again.

　 ҉　Jealous Nikolai is a wonderful miracle, the best performance you have ever seen in your life.

x x x

-That was stupid, Nikolai,- you say, folding your arms over your chest. Nikolai just looks up at you, sitting on the bed, wringing his fingers. ---Коля*, you are a fool,- you say, trying to speak more strictly. -I will omit the fact that I considered me a person capable of such a terrible betrayal.

Nikolai rolled his eyes at your words.

-Yes, please forgive me, dear, I just...

-Just what?- you pressed, no longer trying to hide a smile. -Behaved like an idiot, you're right, as always right. he smirks. -Am I officially forgiven?

You stare thoughtfully at the ceiling.

- You will. As soon as you dance with me, мой царевич*.

Николаша*-Nicolasha

Коля*-Kolya

Мой Царевич*-my prince

[stargazer-sims]

TLC (3)

previous

Nikolai: Look, Sasha, who's that? Is it Grandma?

Alexander: *squeals*

Elena: You used to make that same noise whenever your Grandpa came home from work, Kolya. You always got excited to see him.

Nikolai: I'm not sure if I should be embarrassed or amused by that

Elena: Amused. It's much better for your mental health.

Alexander: *happy noises*

Elena: Come here, Sasha. Let Grandma give you a cuddle.

Nikolai: Thanks for agreeing to take him.

Elena: I should be thanking you. I get to close the shop tomorrow and spend the entire day with my grandbaby.

Nikolai: You're going to close the shop? Where are Deb and Rose?

Elena: Debbie is on holiday with her husband, and Rose had dental surgery yesterday, so she's taking a few days off. I do give my employees personal time, you know.

Nikolai: I never assumed you didn't. This is going to inconvenience your customers though, isn't it?

Elena: Any more than you staying home tomorrow is going to inconvenience everyone at the rink? They'll survive a little inconvenience.

Nikolai: Okay, point made.

Elena: Silly Daddy, worrying about inconveniencing people. Everyone knows the world revolves around you, don't they, Sasha?

Nikolai: I'm pretty sure he does think that, actually.

Elena: As he should. Have you packed his bag yet?

Nikolai: No, not yet. I kinda had my hands full with Mishka, and I was busy making Sasha's formula for you. Oh, he should eat before he goes, speaking of that. When I got home, he and Mishka were both passed out on the couch, so I have no idea when Mishka last fed him. He's probably starving.

Elena: I'll feed him.

Nikolai: Thanks. Would you mind packing his bag too?

Elena: Of course.

Nikolai: Mishka made you a list, although you probably don't need it.

Elena: I'll look at it, since he went to the trouble of making it. Then you can tell him I checked off everything on it.

Nikolai: Thank you. He'll appreciate that. He's really worried about being away from Sasha for the night.

Elena: That's not surprising. I was beside myself the first time I left you and your sister overnight. Grandpa took good care of you, but that didn't stop me from wanting to burst into tears every time I thought about how much you might be missing me.

Nikolai: So, it's normal? Mishka isn't overreacting because of his anxiety?

Elena: Well, I can't say if he's overreacting or not since I haven't seen him, but if you're asking if it's scary to leave your baby with your in-laws overnight for the first time, then the answer is yes. No matter how much you love and trust them, they're not your parents and there's bound to be a tiny bit of doubt.

Nikolai: I never thought of it like that. I guess that explains why I'm not as worried as him.

Elena: That, and you've always been fairly unflappable. It must be hard for little Mishka, not having his own mother here.

Nikolai: I think so. He talks to her almost every day, but it's not the same as being close by. She's coming to see us before the end of the summer though, and I think Vika is coming with her too, so that'll be good for him.

Elena: And for this little one as well. Your babushka is going to travel a very long way to meet you, Sasha, and I know she's going to fall in love with you.

Nikolai: I hope she does. I got the impression she's really coming for Mishka, not for Sasha or me. She's not a huge fan of mine, and neither her nor Dr. Vasiliev are particularly thrilled by the whole science baby situation.

Elena: Dr. Vasiliev? You don't call your father-in-law by his name?

Nikolai: You met him at our wedding. Would you call him Ivan?

Elena: You're asking the wrong person. You know I would, if for no other reason than to knock some of the pride out of him.

Nikolai: I don't think I'm as brave as you. The man intimidates me.

Elena: Don't let him do that. He may not like you, but he doesn't have the right to intrude on your happiness, or to impose his opinions on your family. If he's not pleased with Mishka's choices, that's entirely his problem. You and Mishka are grown men, and you don't need anyone's permission or approval to create the life you want for yourselves.

Nikolai: I... yeah. I'm not going to tell him that.

Elena: If I ever see him in person again, I might. If we can embrace little Mishka and welcome him as part of our family, the least your father-in-law can do for you is have the courtesy to respect you.

Nikolai: Remind me never to get on your bad side.

Elena: Don't worry. I can't even imagine what you'd have to do for that to happen.

Nikolai: I know I don't say this enough, but I'm really glad you're my mother.

Elena:That goes both ways, and it goes for Mishka too. I'm honestly glad to call him my bonus child, and I'm especially glad we have this little man. Your father and I don't even care about that science lab business. As far as we're concerned, Sasha is perfect. How you and Mishka had him doesn't change anything.

Nikolai: That means a lot.

Elena: It's the truth.

Elena: There we go, little man. You're all done with your late dinner. Can you burp?

Nikolai: You should probably have a towel or something. He spits up a lot.

Elena: Grandma doesn't mind a little spit. That's what the washing machine is for.

Nikolai: You think Grandma can teach Daddy how to have a stronger stomach? The first time he spit up on me, let's just say he wasn't the only one doing it.

Elena: *laughing* You didn't tell me that before.

Nikolai: It was a little embarrassing to admit. Mishka's like you, though. It doesn't seem to bother him, and he doesn't use a towel on his shoulder either.

Elena: It gets easier, I promise. Here, why don't you wash his face, and then maybe you can hang out with your father for a bit while I pack his bag.

Nikolai: Okay.

Mike: You were in there for a long time.

Nikolai: Sorry about that. Sasha had to eat, and Mama wanted to feed him, so I just stayed in there to talk. You could've came in too, if you wanted to.

Mike: It's fine. The cats were keeping me entertained.

Nikolai: They're not very good conversationalists.

Mike: Neither am I, so it worked out.

Nikolai: You shouldn't underestimate yourself. Being shy doesn't mean you have nothing to talk about.

Mike: Have I ever told you how much like your grandfather you are? That sounds like something he'd tell me.

Nikolai: Being told I'm like Grandpa is a compliment.

Mike: That's how I meant it. What's your mother still doing in Sasha's room, by the way? I thought you'd both be done in there.

Nikolai: She's putting some stuff together for him. I didn't have a chance to do it before you guys got here. Mishka needed me, and I was kind of frazzled trying to figure out how to do all the things by myself.

Mike: I guess it's a good thing that we're running off with the grandbaby, then.

Nikolai: As long as you bring him back.

Mike: You know your mother. She'd keep him forever if she thought she could get away with it.

Nikolai: She could, but then she'd have to keep Mishka too. It took some convincing for him to let you take Sasha for the night. If you don't bring him back tomorrow afternoon, I wouldn't put it past Mishka to come looking for him, sick or not.

Mike: We'll bring him back. If Mishka isn't feeling better by tomorrow evening, maybe your mother can stay here with you for a couple of days instead.

Nikolai: Could you manage by yourself? Like, with meals and everything?

Mike: Probably not, but you have a kitchen. I'd just come here to eat.

Nikolai: Why don't you just come and stay as well? That'd make more sense.

Mike: Well, if you insist...

Nikolai: *laughing*

Alexander: *giggling*

Mike: Did he just laugh too?

Nikolai: Yeah, he's been doing that for about a week now. He does it when he sees somebody he likes. Mishka, me, Beth-Anne... He goes wild when he sees Beth-Anne.

Elena: *from the doorway* Look what Grandma has, Sasha! It's your overnight bag.

Alexander: *excited squeaking*

Mike: I guess the sleepover is already off to a good start.

Nikolai: Sasha, you be good for Grandma and Grandpa, okay? Don't give them too much trouble. Papa and I will see you tomorrow.

Mike: Don't worry. We'll look after him, and I'm sure he won't give us any problems.

Nikolai: I know you'll take good care of him. We're going to miss him, that's all.

Elena: We'll call you in the morning so you can say hello. And you tell Mishka not to worry. He can FaceTime me as much as he wants.

Nikolai: I'll suggest he tries to keep the FaceTime calls to a reasonable amount.

Elena: What did I just say, Nikolai? As often as he wants. I don't want him to feel like he can't check in. That's not going to help him learn to trust us, is it? Better for him to call me twenty times to assure himself I'm taking care of his baby as well as he could than to give him a reason to think we don't want him to know what we're up to.

Nikolai: I guess you're right.

Elena: Of course I'm right. Eventually, Mishka won't be so upset about being away from Sasha, but you have to let him work up to that point. You shouldn’t rush him into anything.

Mike: Like all those kids you teach. You wouldn’t rush them.

Nikolai: Mishka isn’t a kid.

Elena: No, but all of this is new to him.

Nikolai: It’s new to me too.

Elena: It is, but he’s not as resilient as you. I think you imagine risks are like speed bumps. For him, I’d say he sees them more like mountains, and you’re going to need to let him climb at his own pace.

[srslyblvck]

fairytale, nikolai lantsov

pairing: nikolai x fem!reader

synopsis: nikolai is lucky to have Y/n by his side.

warnings: fluff

word count: 0.3k

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ THE EARLY MORNING LIGHT filtered through the lace curtains of the grand bedroom in the palace, casting a soft, golden hue over the room. Nikolai Lantsov, King of Ravka, stirred slightly, the warmth of the morning sun gently waking him. He turned his head, his eyes slowly opening to the sight he cherished the most: Y/N, his beloved wife, still peacefully asleep beside him.

Nikolai watched her for a moment, a soft smile playing on his lips. Even in sleep, she looked regal, her hair spread out over the pillow like a halo. He reached out, gently tucking a stray strand behind her ear, his fingers lingering on her soft skin.

"Good morning, my love," he whispered, his voice barely audible.

Y/N stirred, her eyes fluttering open to meet Nikolai's warm gaze. She smiled sleepily, reaching out to touch his face. "Good morning, Kolya," she murmured, using the affectionate nickname only she was allowed to call him.

Nikolai leaned in, pressing a tender kiss to her forehead. "Did you sleep well?"

"With you beside me? Always," she replied, her smile widening.

They lay there for a few moments, enjoying the peaceful silence and each other's company. Nikolai's hand found its way to Y/N's, their fingers intertwining. He brought her hand to his lips, kissing it gently.

"I wish we could stay like this forever," he said softly.

Y/N chuckled, a melodic sound that always made Nikolai's heart soar. "So do I, but I’m afraid the kingdom might fall apart without its king and queen."

Nikolai sighed dramatically, a playful glint in his eyes. "A king's duty never ends, does it?"

"Unfortunately not," she replied, her eyes twinkling with amusement. "But I wouldn't trade it for anything."

Nikolai's expression softened, and he leaned in to kiss her, their lips meeting in a slow, tender kiss. "Nor would I," he whispered against her lips.

They eventually got out of bed, Y/N moving to the window to pull the curtains aside fully. The view of the palace gardens was breathtaking, the flowers in full bloom, the morning dew glistening on the petals.

Nikolai came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and resting his chin on her shoulder. "Do you remember our first walk in those gardens?" he asked, his voice filled with nostalgia.

"Of course I do," she replied, leaning back into his embrace. "It was the day you finally told me you loved me."

Nikolai chuckled. "And I thought I was being so subtle."

"You were about as subtle as a herd of stampeding volcra," she teased, turning in his arms to face him.

He laughed, the sound warm and rich. "Well, it worked, didn't it?"

"It did," she agreed, standing on her tiptoes to kiss him again. "And it still does."

Nikolai sighed happily, resting his forehead against hers. "Every day with you feels like a dream, Y/N. I never want to wake up."

"Then don't," she whispered. "We'll face everything together, as we always have."

They stood there for a moment longer, savouring the quiet intimacy of the morning. Eventually, they dressed and prepared to face the day, hand in hand, ready to rule Ravka together.

As they walked down the grand hallway of the palace, Nikolai glanced at Y/N, his heart swelling with love and pride. "You know," he said, his voice thoughtful, "I never really believed in fairy tales. But then I met you."

Y/N squeezed his hand, her eyes shining with affection. "And now?"

"Now," he said, leaning in to kiss her cheek, "I'm living one."

With their hearts intertwined and their love as strong as ever, Nikolai and Y/N stepped into the throne room, ready to face whatever challenges lay ahead. Together, they were unstoppable, the king and queen of a kingdom built not just on power, but on love.

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Storm/The Eye, Pt. 6

Upon hearing that Sheppard managed to cut the power to the gate room and having apparently crippled the Genii strike force, McKay also shifts to a higher gear. He tells Weir that if called upon, she needs to lie for him. He realizes that they need to help Sheppard any way they can, knows that he's not very good at that kind of thing and also knows Weir is a world-class negotiator, so he anticipates what they're going to have to do and makes sure that she knows to do her part.

And even then, when called upon to do it and believing himself a terrible liar ("I'm a terrible bluffer. I've lost small fortunes at poker. Look, my eye twitches, I laugh inappropriately, it's not pretty"), he immediately jumps in to reinforce the lie Weir tells Kolya. All to help Sheppard.

McKay says that he's a terrible liar. He believes that he's a terrible liar. But we see again and again that he can pull it off quite well when it's really needed.*

And Sheppard also seems to be trying to help them (or him, thinking Weir is dead), managing to cut power to the grounding station, too. It's possible that this was motivated by his belief that the Genii would need McKay to fix it and hence continue keeping him around and therefore alive. You can see that while McKay was having real trouble bluffing, as soon as the power is cut, he's able to use the truth much better to stall the Genii. Like Sheppard actually did help him, unwittingly, to do something he wasn't able to do without his help.

Again, it's very noticeable that when Kolya tells his people to "take Sheppard with overwhelming force" when their reinforcements arrive, he is looking directly at McKay.

Why? Why does keep looking at McKay every time he mentions Sheppard? What possible reason would he have to do that if not to gauge his reaction to Sheppard's name being spoken? To let him know through a look that he better not try any funny business because they're going to get the Major sooner or later. He's looking at McKay when he says this even though Weir was the one just lying to his face.

Also noticeable: we keep getting shots of Sheppard doing his little commando routine, and he seems extremely focused. Not upset, not mourning, not enraged. Focused. He is executing a strategy methodically. He also has the life signs detector on him the whole time and keeps glancing at it. While he's using it to look at the whereabouts of Genii soldiers, the fact that he cut power to the grounding station suggests that he had a pretty good idea that one of the three dots there was likely McKay. Keeping an eye on him the only way he knew how. If the Genii were able to discern which life sign was Sheppard earlier, it follows that Sheppard likely would have been able to discern which dot is Rodney, especially having much more experience using it.

This is lampshaded by the conversation Ford and Beckett have in the jumper bay:

Ford: Life signs detector. Beckett: These wee dots don't tell us much about who's who. How do we know which one's the major? Ford: He'll be the dot getting rid of the other dots.

Ford knows his commanding officer. But Sheppard also knows McKay. As we've seen, he knows McKay well enough to anticipate his actions.

This, again, is lampshaded later in the episode as Beckett tells Ford: "I really only have a basic understanding of how Rodney and his team configure the power." Sheppard may or may not be more intelligent than Beckett, we're never really shown or told either way. Sheppard is not a mechanical engineer. But he's still able to figure out exactly how McKay has set up the generators probably because watching McKay work is like his favourite pastime.

Sheppard then kills fifty five (55) people by lowering the shield as the Genii company are attempting to enter. Fifty five actual human beings.

Pop quiz: did he do this a) to avenge the death of an authority figure (as a man with a known problem with authorities) he was ready to send to another galaxy in the previous episode and whose presence he had largely ignored returning from his earlier mission and in Rodney's lab earlier or b) to save a man he hand-picked for his team, who has saved his life at least twice, who he keeps talking about to other people, whose company he seeks out in his free time, he can't stop looking at, is physically drawn to, whose abilities he has blind faith in, who he has observed keenly enough to be able to anticipate his actions, who he keeps poking good-natured fun at, expects to finish his sentences, and is a vital asset to the entire mission?

I wonder.

Anyway, again something Sheppard does makes Kolya turn to McKay:

Kolya: Tell her the procedure! McKay: I can't! I don't know what he's done! Kolya: Tell her! McKay: Well, he must have entered his own personal command code! Kolya: What is it? McKay: I don't know! Weir: Only Sheppard would know it! McKay: Trust me – I'm not that brave! I would help you if I could!

That's what he says. Earlier, he told us that he's a terrible bluffer so he must be telling the truth here, right? But it doesn't seem like Sheppard did anything particular to the shield besides raising it. We are later told that he entered a code to lock the gate but raising the shield was a simple task operated by the pushing of a single button they stumbled onto as one of the first things they ever did upon arriving at Atlantis (and he hardly had time to enter two codes). There is no reason to believe that McKay didn't know exactly how to undo it. When push came to shove, McKay could lie to help Sheppard, and extremely convincingly at that. Note also that McKay already lied about the command codes previously to save Weir's life.

Note also that "trust me" is something often said by liars. McKay tells Kolya, "Trust me, I'm not that brave!" But the entire reveal at the end of the episode is that McKay has been lying about not being able to raise the shield, and he's been lying about this so convincingly that he not only fooled Kolya, he fooled the whole audience. So not only can he lie when he really has to (even when he's being beaten), he can lie well. When the occasion calls for it. And he's doing all of it to save Sheppard. Rodney was just that brave.

Even though he clearly fears for his life, he continues to "feel the fear and do it anyway". Kolya is enraged, having lost a company of men in one fell swoop. He very much wants to take it out on McKay (and note again that he wants to punish McKay for what Sheppard does, like they're an extension of one another).

And McKay is able to save both himself and Weir by again reminding him that they're both needed. This is also a lie, since he's been lying about Weir being needed the whole damn time. He has saved Weir's life several times by now.

And make no mistake, he did that for Sheppard. To help him any way he could.

Even though they are separated, they are both trying to keep the other safe. Just like they did in the Genii home world, the first time Rodney was being held hostage by them along with Sheppard.

Kolya gives in and contacts Sheppard via the intercom. They have the following exchange:

Kolya: Major Sheppard, I have a proposition for you. Sheppard: Kolya, I'm having a hard time keeping up. What's the score again? Kolya: My men have informed me that not only have you disabled some crucial generators but you've stolen key components that make it impossible for them to be restored. Sheppard: Yeah. I did that. Kolya: There are two flaws in your plan. Sheppard: Always open to constructive criticism. Kolya: One: the assumption I would believe you'd rather destroy the city than let it fall to us is childish. Sheppard: Doesn't sound like me.

He's flippant. He's sarcastic. He's antagonizing Kolya, attempting to keep the man's attention on himself rather than on anyone or anything else. He is neither enraged nor mourning the loss of the love of his life, or potential love interest. In fact, this is a direct continuation of the conversation they were having before Kolya threatened Weir and pretended to kill her ("I guess we're even!"). And this is precisely when we return to the topic:

Kolya: Second: if and when I determine Atlantis unsalvageable, Doctors Weir and McKay become obsolete. Sheppard: Weir's alive? Kolya: Doctor McKay was able to make a strong case for keeping her alive. Sheppard: Let me talk to her. Weir: Sheppard! We're both here! Sheppard: It's good to hear your voice. Weir: Yeah, it's good to hear. Kolya: We have less than one hour before the storm hits full force. If the power is not returned to Grounding Station Three within the next ten minutes, Doctor Weir dies. Sheppard: Again, you mean? Kolya: Her death will buy you another ten minutes, after which – should the power still be out – Doctor McKay dies. We will then leave with what we can, and the city will be destroyed.

I want to point out a few things.

While Kolya is trading with Sheppard using the fact that he didn't kill Weir but had only pretended to, he still feels the need to tack on McKay's life into the bargain.

Of course he's happy Weir is alive. Among other things, it means this guy isn't a complete psycho and it might be possible to negotiate with him.

Kolya mentions McKay three goddamn times here.

Weir is real quick to let Sheppard know that McKay is alright, it's like the first thing she does; she clearly understood that he would want to know this and would not be able to directly ask about it. The relief we can hear in this "It's good to hear your voice" is at least partially in response to this. It's good to hear your voice [that just told me McKay is alright].

He's real flippant about the possibility of Weir dying again here.

McKay's life is still the final bargaining chip, still the thing Kolya seems to think Sheppard cares the most about.

The phrase "Doctors" Weir and McKay again presents them as a package deal.

And once more, while he's able to joke about Weir dying again, it's threatening McKay's life that seems to really agitate Sheppard:

Sheppard: Well, that's not enough time! Kolya: If you don't mind destroying Atlantis, stay where you are for the next twenty minutes, starting now.

That is when he steps into action. Twenty minutes, starting now.

Continued in Pt. 7

.* And, as discussed previously in connection with the Rodney from the alternative timeline, lying is especially necessary when you're a civilian gay dude working in a military environment where your peers are going to need your help upholding DADT. You would learn to lie like a pro. Never mind that he's likely also lied to himself for most of his life. But Rodney, big brother Rodney that comes from a dysfunctional family, definitely lies really well when he's doing it to protect someone other than himself.

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Prompt: And I wouldn't marry me either, a pathological people pleaser...

Song: You're Losing Me

For Nikolai x Reader. You know what you did.

You really coming at me and my failed engagement like that, wow bestie, you bet I'm going to put my personal trauma into this one.

Metal Preserved Broken Promises - Nikolai Lantsov

Content Warnings: Rejection. Failed Engagement. Hurt/No Comfort. Angst. No Happy Ending. Me Projecting My Failed Engagement Into Fiction. Insecurities. Break Up. Heartbreak For Both. Mutually Assured Self Destruction. Duty Over Love Trope. Explicit Language. You're Losing Me By Taylor Swift. Not Beta/Proof Read.

Nikolai Taglist: @hauntedenthusiasttragedy , @writingmysanity

You return from the ballroom and you're trying to keep your breathing consistent, the inspiring love and awe in crowds has never come easily to you. Not like it does to Nikolai, Nikolai could make the dust in the air swear fealty to him with less than a full sentence.

You'd known something was wrong, and as easy as it always seems to be to assume the worst of it all, you were trying not to, trying to not let those doubts and those fears lay claim to your quiet thoughts, but it was a losing battle.

"Is everything okay Kolya?" you ask Nikolai now that you're finally alone, eyes shimmer with that supplication and he wants to give you anything and everything you could ask for.

"No," he admits, smoothing his shirt down with both hands, flat, but fidgeting. You give him a weak smile, trying your best to find lightness for the air, but usually that is Nikolai's skills. He has always known how to make diamonds from rubble.

"Calling off the wedding," you say, dancing your hands in the air as a light gesture, letting him know you're joking. But those eyes meet yours and you know you've spoken poorly, or rather all too well. "Oh," the smallest word still crackles on your breath, not able to hide the shattering in your chest, the tightness of your throat, the way you feel all at once like you have sprung a trap on yourself by speaking it into existence.

"It's not-," Nikolai starts looking for the ways to protect you, to explain somehow that it's not for anything you are or are not, but you won't let him start, you shut him down with a wave of a hand.

"And I wouldn't marry me either, a pathological people pleaser..." you try collecting yourself together, dusting yourself off, trying to taper your inevitable unravelling.

How could you not unravel? You have loved Nikolai for longer than you've even known what love is, you've only known how to love him, like you were born to do it. You have long understood how it is easy for the people to love him, how could they not? Nikolai is a good man, and he will be a fine king. And you could never find it in you to think less of him, or want less for him, even if that means you are not in it. But it makes the pain no less, to love someone completely, know nothing they do will sway you from those feelings, and know just as clearly they're slipping through your fingers like the sand broken free of the hourglass.

"You being you, has always been and will always be enough for me," he wants to say, he wishes to say, he has to bite his tongue to stop himself from saying. His heart is pulling at its strings, demanding its way from his chest, pushing up against his bones like jail bars, begging to be let out, to be heard, for him to not do this. But he stays quiet all the same. He doesn't flinch or wince despite the pain that electrifies every inch of his body. He stays firm and insistent and cold, despite the easy of which he leans towards the opposite, despite the urge of which he has to say 'fuck it all' and just kiss you. Because he can't and he shouldn't, and none of this is fair but it is what must be done.

You move to take of the ring and Nikolai's heart jumps into his throat, "wait," the word escapes his lips before he can think better of it, it sounds too desperate, too needing, and he has to adjust his tone. "Wait," he repeats, calmer now, diplomatic in every sense of the word, "you should keep that." 'Please keep that,' his thoughts whisper. 'It could never be for anyone but you, I would never want it for anyone but you.' "It would be improper for me to give it to someone else."

The words feel sharper than you ever knew words could feel. You blink slowly, still dazed, still unsure of how to put the words one in front of the other to get through this, unsure of how you are supposed to get through this. "You want me to keep it?" you ask, wondering how he could expect that of you. How he could think you could keep the big green reminder of all you were promised and all you have lost?

He can feel the loss of you before it's complete. He knew that this would be the hardest thing he has ever had to do, that this choice that was the one he did not have to make was going to feel worse than any punishment, any wound, any war. He feels the claws in his chest and wishes that there was any other way out of this choice, even death might be kinder. Death would be kinder, he is sure of it. Kinder than hurting you, than loving you and losing you. But he had his duty, and this is what his duty was asking of him.

"Take back everything you ever said," you whisper, but he hears you, he is listening so close to your every breath that he might even be able to hear the thoughts swirling around in your head as you keep your balance, just barely. "Take it back like you never meant a word of it."

"I can't," he says. His mind repeating it over and over, "I can't, I can't, I can't," he has never made a promise to you he didn't intend to keep, never a promise he didn't want to keep, that he still wants to keep. If he could choose between his crown and you right now, he would lay down his claim to the throne and run. But he cannot, not in the state Ravka is in, and you would never ask him to, never want him to, you know what his country means to him, and you know how badly this country needs him. Ravka needs him, as it's king, as it's ruler, as it's saviour. It needs him to be everything those before him failed to be. Ravka needs Nikolai, and you cannot selfishly claim to need him more than a whole country, even if that feels like the truth.

"You can't?" You ask, not hiding the soreness in your voice. "You cannot grant me that kindness?" You didn't mean the words to come out so sharp, but they cut you both just the same.

"I... I cannot," he admits. For all his duty and all his suffering, he will not do you the discredit of lying to you, not about this, about his feelings for you, not about that. Never about that.

"I love you Nikolai," you say, and the words feel like the final dirt covering your grave. But the pain of loss is the price one pays for love, and for Nikolai, you are happy to pay it, even if loss comes long before you hoped, it's later than you once thought it would be. There was a time you thought your love would only ever be yours alone, so a part of you has always seen this as borrowed time.

"I love you, I still love you, I will always love you, when the sun has burnt out and the life is gone from the bones of the earth, I will still love you, I could not unlove you if it was the only thing that could save me, I could not unlove you if I wanted to, and I don't want to, my love, all I want is to love you, and keep you," Nikolai keeps his words to himself, no matter how hard they rally against his chest.

"Nothing could change that," you say before leaving, not wanting him to see you as you completely lose yourself to the engulfing ache where hope once lived.

[doukeshi-kun]

Can we get info on each kolya kid? :3

omg certainly! (⁠☆⁠▽⁠☆⁠) tagging @bodacioustomato bcs i'm referencing our convos too tehehe

the first kid is Yuri (also called as Yurochka by nikolai). he is mama's boy and already independent from the young age due to him always helping mama and nikolai always try to bond with him by teaching him how to do basic chores bcs all men need to be competent. he actually was not close with nikolai especially when he was just born. mainly because nikolai was still feeling strange about being a father and all, so he's quite distant with yuri at first, and it caused yuri to prefer mama a lot of times. but over the time, nikolai learns how to bond with yuri through his jest and his 'mature' side sort of. i'd say yuri embodies the calm and intelligent part of nikolai. he's the whole reason why nikolai is anxious and uneasy when he's about to be a father but the boy is calm and behave very well that nikolai also thinks that well, maybe being a father isn't so bad.

second kid is Mari (her name comes from the word marigolds!). she's truly nikolai's princess, the daddy's girl. when nikolai holds her the moment she was born, he felt genuinely happy and at that time he's already liking fatherhood. mari is quite girly but she won't hesitate to throw hands if anyone bothers her siblings (and she also doesn't hesitate to throw hands on her brothers as well). even though she is closer with nikolai, she does run to mama when nikolai acts too clownish for her own good. she also likes to spend dad's money because why not and oftentimes, whenever nikolai is away, she likes to drag mama to go shopping together with his bank card. she follows mama's face more.

third kid is Karol! he takes the whole clownery from nikolai and maximise it to its full potential. this boy could rival nikolai's clownery. he's a meme god and a menace. evie and i believe that if he's alive during the vine era, he is the vine king. he also keeps up with old memes too. when mama was carrying him, karol often kicks the stomach that nikolai has to 'playfully' scold him. even though he is a menace, a simple strict “Karol.” from nikolai is enough to make the boy halt his playfulness. like, karol definitely listens to mama and probably his siblings, but if nikolai voices out? ooh he means business and karol would immediately be on his best behaviour. nikolai and karol bond by their similar humor. literal clown to clown communication.

no fourth kid because nikolai goes to get vasectomy.

[thal-ent]

Zuza and Abramelin belong to @soupedepates , Anya, Sigi, Klara and Jakub to @corneille-but-not-the-author , Hanko and Nikolaj/Kolya to @noa-de-cajou and Irena to my sibling

Her lips are soft. So so so soft, against mines, and I have to thank our surprise audience for stopping me from thinking about it too much. I send a look to Jakub, a look we both know isn't real annoyance. But my traitorous mind keeps coming back to the lips of my friend, the girl that I call my friend, the woman I love to see being happy with her husband.

Her husband is just as red as her, and I find it just as cute on him as it is on her. But Hanko is not Anya, and I do not like him like I like her. They're my friends, they're my family, they're people I want to keep with me. And I never though I would like to kiss Anya.

Not just Anya, another girl all together.

I'm no idiot, I helped my own sister get with her wife but, for me ? To like girls as well ? I only thought about Jakub, my husband, to ever consider it.

Jan too, my mind unhelpfully reminds me as I slowly braid my hair for bed. Hanko as well, when our minds are linked and we know everything about each other.

**

I stay against my friend, looking at her son walking in front of us. We're slower than him, as she supports my back and my belly is rounder than it has ever been. I dont hate it, but I'm scared. Jakub and I agreed on names, for our child, I'm sure it's a girl, Zuza is pregnant too and she tells me I'm doing fine. But I'm scared, and I think Anya knows it, stays with me to reassure me.

I dont think about her lips, anymore, the feeling became normal after the thousand's one on stage, for a scene or another. I envy Hanko sometimes, to be the one to get her real kisses, but I envy her as well for getting Hanko's kisses. I think I love him, but it's not important to know what love I have for him, I think.

Anya talks joyfully, lets me think when I want to be silent. She's a ray of sunshine, I could see that when I first met her in the Fort that became the World Tree's roots. I think I like her, in a different way. I don't want to think about what kind of like I have for her, I just want to enjoy the feeling of her comforting me when I cry and wonder if I'll be a better mother than I am a sister.

**

Talmarys is running around, training her little sister along with her on the farm their aunts' own. Irena is talking to me about how she doesn't understand how I could have wanted two brats. I know she loves the girls, loves to hold her nieces in her arms too. Klara isn't home, gone hunting with Sigi. So the rest of us are looking after the kids, trying to stop the oldests from taking their youngest sister into their idiotic shenanigans.

Iekaterina is barely three, with her small legs and long hair. Unlike Kolya she dislikes having it braided, but that means the young changelin is being very quiet on my knees. Anya is running behind Abramelin, Zuza is too old for this now or so she says. Irena leaves my side and grabs with ease Talmarys, the little girl kicking in the strong arms of my sister. I laughs, and before I can get my other daughter, she runs into the arms of Hanko, who probably came out of the house to ask something to Irena.

He lets her get in his arms, talks softly to her. I've known I love him. I've kissed him, more than once, because we both wanted to, we also did more together. I think he likes Jakub like how I like Anya, and he knows about it too. He walks toward us, and smiles softly while talking to our daughter.

Our daughter ?

I secure Nikolaj's braid as I realize what I though. It's true that, in a way, all of the kids of the troupe are ours, to all of us.

But I think I want a kid with Hanko.

[kaeyx]

The thought of bratting fyodor sounds so fun to me, I'm aware he'd cane me or smth but IDC I WANT HIM SO BAD, want him to slap me across the cheek and spit on me as he looks at me like I'm nothing to him. Call me names in russian and when he REALLY gets tired of me.. he'll let Nikolai take a turn

I worry about you anons sometimes (/lh) though the throwing you to Kolya is definitely an interesting thought 👀

[stromuprisahat]

(I only read TGT once so if I get any details wrong here, feel free to correct me. Same for the historical reference I'm discussing here). I never understood why Nikolai was considered to be a better character than the Darkling when it came to helping the Grisha. I know Leigh Bardugo presents him as the "nicer" option but Nikolai always kind of reminded me of Tsar Nicholas II, who, from what I remember learning in school, was considered to be a nice man who clearly loved his children, but a rather incompetent ruler. He didn't always make good decisions which made relations with the government worse, and increased hardships for civilians and soldiers. He also was really detached and out of touch with the plight of the Russian people and I believe some of his policies ended up alienating people from ethnic minority groups. I brought him up, because Nikolai is also kind of like this, he's not an exact parallel obviously but like, it's kind of there. The only reason really that he's considered effective in the books is because Leigh can't really write politics that well. Like, even the way the nobility would behave is something she didn't really write well, as well as how the public would react to the things that happen in the story. Idk. Did this make any sense? What do you think?

Absolutely.

I can't speak about the historical Nikolai- I've read very little about him, and it's been years-, but while book!Nikolai's ideas aren't bad per se, he's been greatly helped by gross simplification of politics and LB's clear favour.

Nobles are either supportive, or stupid and gullible.

Inclusion of Grisha works 100%. Sure, the soldiers for Nikolai's elite inventors would he handpicked, but either there is no longer hatred for Grisha among the First Army, or the Tsar's too high to see it.

The only peasants we meet are enlightened enough to immediately understand and ADMIT they're faring better (Read the link. OP's no longer on tumblr, but her posts are based on actual Russian history and literature.), which is... well, have you ever MET any real people, Leigh? RoW was published during fucking covid of all possible times! Huge chunk of population will rather die, than accept the unknown!

Making Nikolai visibly think with his cock leads to no trouble. No one's calling him weak, no one suddenly remembers rumors about Grisha girls "being able to put a spell on a man", Zoya's desired and respected, instead of being viewed as seductress or outright Witch Whore.

And one more about Grisha- there have been pogroms barely a few years back. First Army was slaughtering Second only because they've figured they're to blame for the Fold moving (and don't forget the only survivors aside from Malina were the Darkling's people). Am I to believe a new Tsar ascending with THREE Grisha publicly backing him up won't cause decent upheaval?

Sure, Kolya's nice, but he's too nice. Somewhere on his way from Sturmhond to Tsar Nikolai, he forgot how to cut fingers even though it might make him sick. And the situation should look accordingly.

[roses-of-the-romanovs]

Hello! I'm creating a Romanov roleplay so could you give me a list of members and friends of the Romanov family, and others (Standart officers, Bolsheviks, etc.) for people to roleplay? That would be very helpful since I know I'm going to accidentally miss some characters (^^”).

Hi! These are some people who were involved with the Romanovs:

Friends:

Anna Vyrubova—quite possibly Alexandra's dearest friend. Typically viewed as a bit of a simpleton or a cunning spy--the reality is probably that she was neither. Also very attached to Rasputin.

Lili Dehn—another of Alexandra's friends, a lady-in-waiting. Also close with Nicholas and the children; was with Alexandra when Nicholas abdicated.

Elizabeth Naryshkina—the elderly mistress of the robes.

Sophie Buxhoevedon—lady-in-waiting, affectionately known as "Isa" (also spelled "Iza").

Catherine "Trina" Schneider—also attempted (unsuccessfully) to teach the Romanov sisters German. Taught Russian to Alexandra. Lutheran.

Grigori Rasputin—infamous. Especially intimate with Alexandra, also a sort of mentor for the daughters. Killed in 1916.

Kolya Demenkov—Alexei’s friend.

Gleb Botkin & Tatiana Botkina—the children of Evgeny Botkin.

Sofia Orbeliani—Alexandra’s friend and an invalid. Died in 1915.

Countess Anastasia “Nastenka” Hendrikova—family friend.

Family:

Dowager Empress Maria Feodorovna—OTMA's grandmother. But a bit frosty in her relations with Alexandra.

Grand Duchess Olga Alexandrovna—Nicholas II's sister. Often the grand duchesses spent Saturdays with her.

Grand Duchess Xenia Alexandrovna—Nicholas’s sister. Her family was known as the Ai Todories due to their estate. Her daughter Irina especially was close to the daughters. (Irina’s husband, Felix Yussupov, was one of Rasputin’s assassins.)

Grand Duke Dmitri Pavlovich—one of Nicholas’s favorite cousins, and once considered a possible groom for Olga. Under the care of Elizabeth Feodorovna. One of Rasputin’s assassins.

Grand Duchess Elizabeth Feodorovna—Alexandra’s sister. Became a nun after her husband Sergei’s assassination in 1905; sent coffee and chocolate to the family during imprisonment. Murdered by the Bolsheviks.

Grand Duke Mikhail Alexandrovich—Nicholas’s brother. Married morganatically and exiled. Saw Nicholas before Nicholas’s departure to Tobolsk. Also murdered by the Bolsheviks.

Grand Duke Nicholas Nikolaevich—commander in chief of the Russian army during WWI until Nicholas II took over. Not liked by Alexandra due to his dislike of Rasputin.

Tutors/Staff:

Pyotr Vasilievich Pyotrov—the Russian tutor, known as "PVP."

Pierre Gilliard—the French tutor, especially close to Alexei. Often called "Zhilik" or "Monsieur."

Sydney Gibbes—the English tutor, often known as "Sig."

Sofia Tyutcheva—Known as "Savanna," OTMA's unofficial governess when they were young. Outspokenly against Rasputin, and not popular with the Romanovs' other friends.

Margaretta Eagar—OTMA's Irish governess, dismissed in 1904.

Anna Demidova—lady-in-waiting who accompanied the family and was eventually killed with them. Known as “Nyuta.”

Aloise (Alexei) Trupp—footman who was killed with the family; unique in that he was Latvian, and Catholic.

Ivan Kharitonov—cook killed with the family.

Leonid Sednev—companion of Alexei during captivity, eventually sent away by Yakov Yurovsky.

Eugene Botkin—doctor (primarily Alexandra’s). Killed with family.

Nagorny and Demenkov—Alexei’s “sailor nannies.” Only Nagorny continued on with the family to Tobolsk.

Standart Officers of Note:

Pavel Voronov—Olga's love interest in 1913. She wrote of him as "S." in her diaries.

Alexander Konstantinovich Shvedov—Also Olga's love interest in 1913, took place before Voronov. Referred to as "AKSH" in diaries.

Viktor Zborovsky—Anastasia's crush. She also exchanged letters with his sister Ekaterina "Katya" in captivity. Nicholas's favorite tennis partner.

Patients during WWI/Nurses, Doctors:

Dmitri Shakh-Bagov—Olga's love interest. Known as "Mitya."

Dmitri Malama—Tatiana's love interest. Gave her a dog known as Ortipo, named after his cavalry horse.

Valentina Cheborateva—OT’s friend and fellow nurse.

Margarita Khitrovo—fellow nurse and friend. Known as “Ritka” or “Rita.”

Dr. Vera Gedroits—female doctor. Known as “Princess Gedroits.” After the tsar’s abdication, her behavior turned increasingly unconventional.

Vladimir Kiknadze—Tatiana’s love interest after Malama. Considered a dangerous flirt by the other nurses and doctors.

Politicians:

Sergei Witte—Served as prime minister 1905-1906.

Pyotr Stolypin—Served as prime minister 1906-1911. Sofia Tyutcheva, Nicholas II, and OT were there at his assassination.

Mikhail Rodzianko—state chairman of the Duma, 1911-1917.

Bolsheviks/Captors, etc.:

Alexander Kerensky—member of the Provisional Government. Oversaw the Romanovs’ house arrest.

Eugene Kobylinsky—commandant during house arrest; nevertheless on good terms with the family.

Vasily Yakovlev—commissar, searched the house at Tobolsk; helped transfer the family to the Ipatiev House at Ekaterinberg.

Alexander Avdeev—commandant at the Ipatiev House.

Yakov Yurovsky—commandant at the Ipatiev House after Avdeev. Orchestrated the murders.

Pyotr Ermakov—one of the executioners, his accounts of the Romanovs and their murder are highly exaggerated and untruthful. Was drunk on the night of the murders.

Ivan Skorokhodov–despite the rumors there is no reliable evidence to support the idea of a liaison with Maria. However, he was really a guard at the Ipatiev House.