#I'm bad about taking care of my teeth and it makes me really anxious so teeth dreams always fuck me up the most

[smuclge]

Oh boy I sure do love waking up at 4am too another Teeth Dream!

[ddejavvu]

Steve apologising to you for a small argument, you’ve both already apologised for. But he wants to go the step extra, so he surprises you with a puppy, one you’ve said you’ve always wanted.

Besides. Steve’s always wanted a home with his love and a dog. (Kids being the next step)

You wake up to a paw on your face, and that's odd. Because you don't have an animal, not a cat, not a dog, not a bunny, just a Steve. And the last time you checked, he had hands.

Before you can process your rude awakening something yanks on a strand of your hair and you grimace, then the thing on top of you is whisked away.

"Hey!" Steve hisses, "You're supposed to make this better, not worse!"

You blink your eyes open, ignoring the sleepy ache in them that begs to snooze again. You peer out from under the covers, finding Steve's face first, then oh, a squirmy puppy in his hands.

"Hey," He smiles sheepishly, holding the dog like it's a bomb that's about to blow. You don't blame him, because the little monster is frantically wriggling around for something to bite, and you wouldn't want it to be you, either.

"I bought a puppy," He informs you, like it isn't obvious, "I- um, I felt bad about the other night, so-"

"Steve," You mumble, rubbing sleep out of your eyes, "I forgave you for that, honey. Everything was fine."

"I know! I know," He nods, frantically shifting his hands around the puppy's belly when it realizes that one of Steve's knuckles is perfect for gnawing on.

"I just felt bad," He concludes drearily, "So I got this!" He brandishes the puppy, now yapping at being suspended in the air, "'Cause I know you've talked about having a dog before, and I tried really hard to remember the breed name you wanted, but you know my memory isn't great, so I just- I tried going by looks alone, and I think this is it! Right?" He looks apprehensively at you, eyebrows raised, "Please tell me my ankle isn't bleeding for nothing."

"That's right," Your face softens, and you feel a smile starting over your face as you watch the puppy squirm, "Here, Stevie, let'em go."

You hold out your hands and Steve is quick to plop the puppy back on your blankets, watching as the little thing races for you. You hear, 'careful, 's a biter', but you couldn't care less as the puppy's front paws hit your chest and its wet nose snuffles at your chin.

"Hi!" You croon, giggling as the animal licks at your jaw, then gnaws on it for good measure, "Oh! Sharp teeth," You redirect the puppy to your hand, not minding the razor sharp pinpricks of pain there as much as you to against your face. The puppy's tail wags in little circles, butt wiggling along with it as it collapses in your lap, content to slobber over your thumb with its two front paws wrapped around your hand.

"Do you like it?" Steve hums from the foot of the bed, looking anxious as his hands fiddle with each other by his waist.

You nod vigorously, holding your free hand out for him, "C'mere, Stevie."

He's happy to crawl over the mattress to sit by your side, and you thank him mere inches from his face. You slot your nose against his, soaking up the sweet gesture before you attempt to kiss him, key word being attempt because it's foiled only seconds later.

"Ow!" Steve jerks away from your lips, holding his earlobe with an astonished look towards your now grumbly puppy, "Hey! I can't kiss my own partner?"

The puppy barks, shrill and unintimidating. Then it lunges for Steve's face, nipping at his nose.

"Oh! No," You scold, rushing to push the puppy away and cupping Steve's jaw in your hands while smothering his reddening skin in kiss after kiss, "Sorry, Steve. We'll get some puppy training, it's just nippy."

"You weren't even mad at me," Steve laments, but really he's willing to take a thousand more puppy bites if it means you'll dote on him, "Next time I'm getting flowers."

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Date Night

"Hey- You listening?" My date snapped her fingers in front of me, tearing my gaze away from it. For a brief moment I couldn't remember her name, then it came to me.

"Sorry, Frances. Didn't mean to doze off like that," I said sheepishly. "So… you were saying?"

Frances reclined back, seemingly mollified. "Well, Miriam had to run around telling everyone about Henrietta's boyfriend, so Mirabelle and I teamed up to stop her from running her mouth. But could you believe it…" 

"Yep, I'm sure," I said idly, tuning her words out. Goodness, that woman ran her mouth like nobody's business. She was pretty enough to make up for it, a bombshell blonde with baby blue eyes. I had met her on a dating app. She was the bubbly, romantic sort, going so far as to call herself a 'witch', as if she had any real power. Not the brightest bulb in the box, naturally, but I had always had a thing for bimbos. That cane of hers was a deal-breaker, though. I couldn't be seen dating a cripple, after all.

"Ugh, I know right?! Like, how could she say such things about poor Glendy! It makes my blood boil just thinking about it, you know you know?! That's why I think Mitchell was so brave to stand up for her…"

Something brushed against my bare, exposed throat, and I jolted away, standing up and turning around sharply. But it was only an elderly woman in a bright pink scarf, shuffling to her seat. "So sorry for starting you, dearie," she purred, settling down. "Really, I ought to be more careful."

I nodded placatingly. "Sorry about that, ma'am," I said, nodding my head in apology. The hunger made me skittish. We were at a cosy little Italian restaurant, newly opened and barely occupied.

"Goodness, you're really anxious!" Frances tittered. "Say? Where's our food? I think I need to go call and talk to the waiters at this point." She waved her arm about, trying to catch the attention of the waiters. From the corner where we sat, I caught sight of three of them, heads bowed in some sort of conversation.

None of them looked up. The restaurant was practically empty, and I understood why. Who would want to go to a place with such poor service? They had yet to greet the old lady next to me. "I'll deal with this," I told Frances, and got up ready to give them a piece of my mind. 

Pushing my chair back, I strode purposefully over to the waiters. "Hey, we ordered a lasagna, a risotto, two white wines and a bread basket twenty minutes ago! Where the hell's our food?"

They didn't look up, and I suddenly felt a rush of rage. "Didn't you hear what I just said? I want to speak to your manager now!" The nerve of them, to ignore a paying customer. Had they even conveyed my order to the kitchen? I took one step closer until I was glaring at the back of a dark haired waiter's head. Fed up with him, I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. "Don't play dumb-"

He was watching me with no eyes. His face was nothing more than a smooth plateau, devoid of emotion. Yet I had the distinct feeling that he saw me, that he was staring at me, and most of all, that he was angry.

It occurred to me that I might have made a significant error. An error so significant that it might cost me my life. I took two steps away, releasing the faceless waiter from my grasp. "My bad, boys," I said, raising my hands in surrender. "I won't bother you again, eh? Take your time with the lasagna."

The other two waiters looked up, and I swear I saw a twitching of the cheeks that signalled a grin. I turned and fled, only to run right into the old lady. "Run, somethings really wrong with the waiters!" I grabbed her wrist, but something held me right there. I turned around.

The old lady grinned at me, revealing far too many rows of needle-sharp teeth. Her scarf wrapped itself about me like furry pink tentacles, constricting my chest and making my head spin. "What a nice youngster you are," she purred, grasping my arms with bloodied, tetanus-ridden claws. "Looking after an old lady like that, hmm? Why, I could just eat you up!"

Her jaws unclicked, and I gagged on the rotten stink of her breath. They expanded, and I found myself staring down the deep abyss of her oesophagus. I was going to die here, I realised dismally. I was going to die because I went on a stupid date at this miserable restaurant.

And then I wasn't. A small, manicured hand pulled me back, and I found myself wedged into the not-insignificant bosom of Frances. She bore a look of complete, utter disgust. "Let go of my date, skinwalker," she snapped. "This one's mine!"

"Frances, run! Don't try to fight that thing," I urged, trying to hurry her along. I hooked my arm around hers and picked her up, only to get a snack on the head for my troubles.

"Put me down, you idiot! Didn't you hear a word I said?" She glared at me ferociously. "I'm a witch, bitch! And I can take a skinwalker. Now get behind me, you nitwit, and stop pretending to be so macho." For once, I did as she told me to, and ducked behind a table. This was way out of my paygrade.

The skinwalker — if that was what the old lady really was — laughed at Frances. "Little witch, do you really think you can def-" Frances smacked the skinwalker with her cane, cutting off its words. It was almost comical, in a horrible way, to see her stare down a monster twice her size.

She grabbed the coat of the skinwalker and pulled it down. With her other palm, she whipped out her lipstick and sketched a strange symbol on its forehead. "Yes," she said triumphantly, as the skinwalker thrashed and screamed in her iron grip, "I totes think I can beat you."

The three waiters exchanged glances with each other, then made a run for the door. Smoothly, Frances capped her lipstick and pulled out a dagger. She threw it expertly at the dark haired waiter, who was almost at the door. The waiter went down like a stone, hitting the floor with a too-loud thump. The other two followed suit soon after.

Almost as an afterthought, Frances pulled out a tiny, pink handgun and shot the skinwalker in the back of the head twice, then did the same for the twitching waiters. "Ugh, I bet Miriam sent those summonings after me," she said casually, turning to me. "She's always so jealous of the guys I pull, you know you know? I kept telling her she's such a red flag, and you know- she kinda needs to change and get a glowup, but does she listen? No, of course not! Who listens to little Frances, am I right?"

I stared blankly at her, then nodded obediently. "Err," I started, trying to arrange my thoughts into coherence, "Thanks for the save earlier, and I'm really sorry for not listening to you, you know?"

Frances beamed at me and leaned over on her cane, dripping monster blood onto my shirt. "Aww, you're so sweet! I'm just glad you're not the sort who can't deal with a girl being stronger than them, you know you know?" She skipped over to the waiters and pulled out the daggers, which I noted to be decorated in eye-wateringly cutesy stickers. "Look, can I invite you over to my place? It won't be nearly as good as here, but I've got some microwave lasagna?"

The sheer hope on her face, and the fact that she had just single handedly taken down the stuff of my nightmares, meant I really couldn't say no.

(A short story I wrote about one of the characters of my novel, Frances! And yes, her taste in men is terrible.)

Taglist:

@coffeeangelinabox, @dorky-pals, @calliecwrites, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @shukei-jiwa

@thewingedbaron, @pluppsauthor, @cowboybrunch, @wylloblr, @possiblyeldritch @ramwritblr, @urnumber1star, @fortunatetragedy, @bigwipscholar, @ratedn

@vampirelover890, @possiblylisle, @illarian-rambling, @the-ellia-west

@finicky-felix, @evilgabe29, @glitched-dawn, @rivenantiqnerd, @dragonhoardesfandoms

@drchenquill, @everythingismadeofchaos, @owldwagitoutofyou, @dimitrakies, @beloveddawn-blog

@riveriafalll, @the-golden-comet, @rascaronii, @trippingpossum, @real-fragments

@xenascribbles,

(Anyone else who wants to get added can tell me in the comments, pm me, or send me an ask about it!)

[greetings-from-the-eraser-king]

Hlvrai kids au

Basic premise the crew go on a field trip to Black Mesa they stumble upon a secret experiment b-u557 and end up releasing him and Black Mesa security desperately tries to stop him

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Eatch kids character description below 👇

Tommy- is the oldest and is in 4th grade and is in a gifted class with darnold he has a huge collection of soda cans and stuffed animals his favorite thing to do is line them up in different patterns. Hes mainly happy and cheerful. him and benrey live together as brothers though there not biologically related he's not quite sure we're ben came from. Gman takes Tommy to black mesa a lot to show him different science experiments going on. Wants a dog so bad his toy dog is doing the job for now.

Gordon- he's in 3erd and is mainly a loner who doesn't fit in a chronic over-thinker he mainly likes to play videogames or read (mainly magazines about video games) he is a smart kid and maybe next year he'll be in the advanced science class. Anxious but loyal and can get easily annoyed. Him and benrey are frenemies both bonding over videogames and other nerdy things but benery is a bit to annoying to be a true friend (benery constantly taunts him by calling him feet man because when he was in kindergarten he stepped in peanut butter and ate it Gordon regrets telling him this) he carries a Gameboy wherever he goes.

Darnold- is one of the smartest kids in the 3erd grade but unfortunately the shortest which leads to constant taunts from forzen though not in the same grade him and Tommy are in the same gifted class and are very good friends. They enjoy making positions out of soda and doing all sorts of strange experiments.more shy and less confident than Tommy he still has a similar joyful attitude. Reads fantasy books and constantly has a new one every week.

Benery- in 3erd lives with Tommy and has no memory of how he got there but meh who cares loves to skate board and do tricks though no one knows how he holds onto it at all times seemingly appears and disappears at will. He wandered a lot and seems to forget things you just told him. You can't tell when he's joking or being serious. His helmet never comes off. Chill jokester who doesn't take a lot of things seriously and likes to hang around Gordon and annoy him. He is not allowed near black mesa.

Forzen- moved from France when he was around 3-4 his dad's in the military and he's a bit spoiled has had to move a lot because of his dad but he's been in the same neighborhood as the gang sense the end of 2ed grade. He's not truly one of the bullies of the school but is annoying to Gordon darnold and Tommy he quickly became friends with benery when he moved and benery taut him how to skate board.

B-u557- a top secret black mesa experiment to be the ultimate life form he was still brewing when the kids broke him out of his tube so he might have some defects mostly annoyed all the time but he is thrilled to be out of his tube and even more thrilled to finally be able to hear a scientist who has been visiting him.

Dr.coomer- a good friend of Tommy's dad but usually not taken very seriously by his coworkers. He is a little unusual and loud but is a very kind soul other scientists complaine that he talks to much. he works in many departments around black mesa but is most offensive seen in the robotics department is the founder of the black mesa boxing ring and has not lost his wife in the divorce yet. He likes to visit the secret experiment B-u557 to see how he's doing he does his rants to the experiment even though he knows he can't hear him. But b-u557 doesn't ever seem to be annoyed so he keeps visiting. Even if everyone else in black mesa tells him to stop.

Credit: blinkees

[cutelittleriot]

Return to origin holiday special part 2 finale

It's been about 3 days since the holiday party and Barb had eaten the origin fruit and everything was going fine in Pop village.

Poppy was busy getting ready to help Bridget with her wedding and Branch was off helping King Gristle at the moment with preparations.

She was off to go get some recipes to use for the party when Debbie showed up and flew up to her holding a letter. "Oh it's already that time? Man it sure does pass quickly I swore it was like it was only yesterday" Poppy jokes as she pets Debbie's fur.

Debbie feeling tired from the flight rests beside Poppy for the moment and she happily beging to pet the little bat as she opens up the letter.

'Yo Poppy

It's Barb I decided I'm gonna write as the days progress so right now it's the day after I ate that glitter bomb of a fruit and right now I'm so ITCHY! WOW HOW DID YOU TWO DEAL WITH THAT?!

Also along with this stupid itchiness my back has been hurting nothing too bad but it's very annoying. Thanks to these 2 annoyances I can't even rock out properly. I decided I'm gonna use my rage room for now until this stupid phase ends.

Apparently next are the fangs I can't wait to get them! Well wish me luck tomorrow but for you it's the next part of this letter.'

Poppy raised a eyebrow in confusion,what did she mean her back was hurting? That never happened to her or Branch. It might be a rock troll thing hopefully,she just hopes Barb is alright.

Day 2

Yo so uhm I got my fangs they are cool and all but why did some of my other teeth also get sharp? Like all of my front teeth are now sharp,they aren't as long as my fangs but still.

I don't hate them though far from it I love them to death they make me look so cool! Bet it's a rock troll thing but I'm doing what your little loverboy said and I'm writing this down even if I hate doing this ugh

But yeah I bit into some meat and there were my old teeth I'm so keeping them btw after that my other teeth were hurting for the entire day that wasn't fun but still

Oh also back is still hurting btw I checked it out I have these 2 bumps on them I should probably be concerned but I really don't care it's not like they have prevented me from doing anything so I don't care

Anyways time to Wait for tomorrow ugh I really don't want those pads they make me look so....cutesy ugh'

Poppy is now beginning to get worried for her friend. There's bumps on her back now?! And her other teeth are sharpened?! She quickly tries to calm herself down again it is probably just a rock troll thing.

Day 3

Alright so I'm getting pawpads but the weird thing is I'm only getting them on the palm of my hands for some reason?

Well I'm not complaining that's for sure they are tolerable that's all I'm saying for now

Well that's all that's going on for now but before I go I noticed my pupils are becoming more slitted that's cool and those bumps on ky back are bigger now and for some reason i can sort of move them? Anyways later Poppy gonna go rock out for a while

Poppy reread that part again,pupils become slitted?! And what does she mean she can move those bumps now?!

She definately needs to tell Branch about this later. Debbie who is now better after resting for a bit gets up and nuzzles her before flying off and Poppy waves off the little bat.

She really hopes Barb is doing alright though.

It's been 4 days since the last letter arrived and Poppy has been anxious she knows how it went for her and Branch she could only imagine what pain Barb went through.

Her tail twitching in anxiousness she waits for the sound of Debbie's wings flapping or even her scent to ease her worries. She has been getting used to her heightened senses it has taken some getting used to though,but now she can mostly handle it.

Soon enough her ears twitch and she can hear the familiar sound and she smiles in anticipation but also in worry.

She quickly takes the letter from the bat who decides to lay in her hair to rest. She uses her claws to tear open the letter and begins to read it.

Day 4

'Alright so I know somethings up cause from that encyclopedia your boyfriend gave me I think somethings different is happening to me right now.

Cause my fingertips are bright red and they feel weird, they don't really hurt they actually feel more numb than anything and they feel more.....hard than anything else. They look like claws they are pointed but unlike yours they sure don't retract or anything like that.

I dig em tho they look cool and I bet I could perform some even more sick rifts with these things!

Well that's all oh and I checked the mirror and yeah my pupils are definately slits now and those bumps are continuing to grow ugh its starting to become hard to wear shirts anymore

Anyways that's all later

Poppy tilts her head "Hmmm?" So looks like rock troll claws are different compared to pop troll claws very good information to know. She begins to read day 5's entry

Day 5

So I now have full on claws on my hands so that's cool. Oh also it seems I don't really have paws compared to you two they are more hand like than paw like.

Anywho got those pads growing on my feet now again I don't have any on my toes just the bottom of my feet feels weird ngl

But that's all for now I have to cut holes in my shirts for those bumps tho my dad knows what they are but he won't tell me he just says I will like how they will turn out whatever that means

Laterz

Poppy is now more curious as to what Barb will look like but now she is dreading the next days entry that's when it's at its worst. Bracing herself she continues on.

Day 6

Ow

That's it

She blinks once twice and rereads it. "Ow? Just ow?" She asks outloud. THAT DOESNT GIBE ANY CONTEXT AS TO WHAT HAPPENED WHAT DOES SHE MEAN OW?!

Her ears lower as she tries to figure out just what Barb meant by 'ow'. That one word alone could mean so many things. Did she get didigrade legs like her and Branch? Did something else happen?

She is left with those thoughts as Debbie flies off back home. She takes the letter and heads back to her pod. She just hopes Barb is alright, she knew what she was signing up for when she ate that fruit but still. She goes to sleep hoping everything will be alright.

It's the next day and Poppy was still busy preparing stuff for Bridget's wedding when her ears perk up and she hears the sound of a angler bus approaching. Looking up she sees it descend and it opens up revealing....Barb and her new self and wow she looks so cool.

Branch who heard the angler bus too heads over to where Poppy is and gapes at Barb. She grins showing off her sharp teeth and jumps down from the angler bus.

"Whats up guys ya like my new look?" She grins as the two take in her appearance. Her fur wasn't as long as theirs for sure but still there. The ends of her fingers have turned into bright red claws and a dark red pawpad was on the palm of her hand.

The same thing goes for her toes as they too have been turned into claws along with her new digigrade legs. Her tail sways behind her,it was the same color as her fur with a bright red line of fur going from the base to near the end of the tip of her tail which is now shaped like a arrow. Her slit pupils look over the two as she gazes their reactions.

"Oh my gosh Barb you look so cool!"Poppy gushes as she looks her over. "If you think this is cool check these out!" She says and turns around showing off "Are those wings?!" Branch exclaims as he looks at the two wings that were folded against Barbs back. They were the same color as her fur with the inside being a bright red.

"Yep our ancestors had wings and such,don't know why we don't know cause these are so cool!" She tells them as her tail wags and the wings give a little flap.

"I honestly can't imagine having wings having a tail is weird enough but even more limbs and appendages? Yeah no" Branch says shuddering at the thought of having wings.

"Can you fly with them?" Poppy asks curiously. "Yep sure can but only for a very short time before I'm exhausted,trust me it's not as easy as you think it took me hours to try and just get off the ground" Barb complains.

"But yeah I'm liking the new look don't regret eating that thing. So you guys want to go hang and do some crazy stuff?" Barb asks with a feral grin. "Uh yeah!" Poppy agree with her tail wagging in excitement. "Uh Poppy maybe we shouldnt?" Branch says a bit apprehensive. "Alright then chicken we will leave you out of this" Barb says intentionally annoying Branch who grumbles before joining the two as they go out and have some fun in their new bodies and to help Barb get used to her new self.

For rock trolls it goes

Stage 1 fur

Stage 2 fangs and teeth

Stage 3 pawpads

Stage 4 claws

Stage 5 pawpads on feet

Stage 6 toes turn into claws and legs become digigrade

Stage 7 tail grows

And throughout this entire process wings are slowly growing out of the trolls back they allow the troll to fly but only for very short periods and then the troll will have to rest for a bit

Here she is (I tried guys I really did)

[visiosatanae]

The Gauntlet

Chapter 2: Wrath

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Dewdrop/F!Reader | Sister of Sin

(CW: Smut, Rough sex with a ghoul, Violence, Blood)

Ao3 Link Ch 1

I spent the rest of the afternoon contemplating my strategy for the Gauntlet, as Sister Imperator called it. I figured Sloth and Gluttony would be easy enough and could be done by myself, and almost everyone in the Ministry was always down for a quick fuck so Lust wouldn't be an issue either. But for the others I'd have to get creative. 

Eventually I found myself in one of the smaller chapels of the Ministry, having wandered there without realizing. It was quiet, only a few Siblings sitting amongst the pews. This place in particular was best for quiet worship and inner contemplation. Exactly what I needed. 

I took a seat towards the back. I couldn't help but sigh, which echoed slightly with how quiet it was in the room. My mind was racing with the mass influx of information I had received today. I wasn’t sure how to process any of it, let alone plan out how I was going to perform seven deadly sins within seven days. Obviously it wasn't impossible, but where to even start? And was I worthy of such a position even if I did manage to complete it? 

My eyes glossed over the stained glass of the chapel, taking in the scenes of Ministry lore. They eventually landed on the iconography of the Dark Lord Himself. Staring into His eyes made something click in my mind, my decision made in an instant. 

I had always liked a challenge anyways… 

… 

The next morning my ears were trained on the conversations around me as I made my way through the dining hall with breakfast. I didn’t normally care much for the whereabouts of the ghouls, but today I had a bone to pick with one in particular. 

I noticed a table of younger Siblings, giggling amongst themselves and I figured they'd be my best bet. I sat with my food a few feet away, listening intently to their not so private conversation as I picked at my muffin. 

"Yes! More have been summoned lately, they're all so feral still!" one Sister said, blushing at her own implication. 

"Has anyone seen the Cardinal's fire ghoul yet? I heard he's got a real bad temper. I'm worried about running into him," said another Sister. 

Bingo

"Yeah, his name is Dewdrop," a Brother replied, leaning in and lowering his voice. "Makes sense why he'd be so angry all the time if that's the name they gave him." 

"No, I think it's because he's compensating for something," I interjected, the other Siblings turning to look at me. "And not just his height," I smirked. 

A couple Sisters giggled nervously, eyes darting around as if anxious of him currently being in the room. "What makes you say that?" The Brother asked. 

I shrugged. "Just a hunch. But I've known plenty of people with the same issues. Why would a ghoul be any different?" I was lying through my teeth, but these guys wouldn't question me. I was an older Sibling with a lot more experience than them. As expected, they all started murmuring to themselves about what I had said about Dew. I sipped my coffee as my plan took affect. Word travelled fast through the Ministry and with any luck I'd have results by this afternoon. 

…

My steps echoed along the walls of the corridors as I wandered through the Abbey, taking care to walk through every shadow and dark hallway I could in the hope a certain someone would take the bait. I wasn’t sure if my heart was racing from fear or adrenaline, but the reason didn’t really matter. Pumping blood would help lure out any ghoul that was hunting.

Sure enough, I didn’t have to wait long before I felt something wrap around my waist and quickly pull me into a random storage closet. The door slammed shut and I only had time to let out a yelp before a clawed hand clamped over my mouth, stifling any other noise I could make. 

"Heard you were talking shit, Sister," a low voice growled in my ear. "Where was that attitude yesterday when you were flat on the floor, huh?" Dew held me close to his body with his tail, the heat emanating off of him in waves. 

I took a chance at elbowing him in the ribs, biting down hard on the hand covering my mouth. His howl within the confined space was overwhelming, but my maneuver wasn't as effective for escape as I'd hoped. I felt myself being slammed against the wall, his forearm pressing down on my throat. 

"The fuck was that?" Even in the dark closet I could see his fangs glinting in a sneer. "Are you just trying to piss me off?" 

You have no idea, I thought as I thoroughly put the final nail in my coffin by spitting square in his face. He fumed at me, the glob of spit rolling down his cheek. I would have laughed if I wasn't about to die right then and there. 

Dew wiped his face, looking at his hand for a moment before jamming his fingers in my mouth, the tips of them touching the back of my throat and making me gag. "If you want rough, bitch, I'll give you fucking rough," he snarled, his hand grasping my jaw and bringing it down with enough force to bring me to my knees. 

I felt my head hit the wall behind me. Through my ringing ears I could hear a belt being undone and my eyes widened in the dim light at the length of him. "Still think I'm compensating for something?" He removed his fingers, only to replace them with his cock. His now free hand tore off my veil, wrapping itself in my hair and pulling. "Suck." I did so dutifully, although I didn't have much choice as his grip pushed me further down to his pubic bone. "If I feel teeth, I'll snap your neck before you can even think your final prayer." 

I nodded as much as I could, bobbing my head while his hand remained fisted in my hair. He made me take his entire length each time, my nose pressing into the patch of hair above his cock. Dew groaned as his hips rolled, still angry as hell but finally allowing himself to take pleasure in my mouth. I did my part in keeping him satisfied, tears streaming down my face as I struggled to breathe around him. Every time he pushed all the way in I gagged, and he seemed to relish in how my throat contracted around the head of his cock with every thrust. 

After he'd finally had enough, he pulled me back by my hair. I coughed, gasping on air again. He yanked me up until I was back on my feet, back pressed against the wall. His hand moved from my hair to my throat, the ability to breathe quickly fleeting. I clawed at his wrist as I choked. 

"Sluts like you need to remember their place," he hissed, his other hand roughly hiking up my habit to my waist. I tried to shake my head but was only met with the sound of my underwear being torn away. His hand cupped my pussy and he paused, huffing in surprise. "You're absolutely soaked, Sister," he chuckled. "Is this the only way you can get off? By messing with dangerous ghouls?" 

I whimpered, my face flushed, not even realizing how wet I'd gotten from his abuse. I didn't have time to ponder whether this was a new kink or not because the head of his cock was already rubbing along my slit, easily becoming coated in slick. He groaned, his face burying itself into my shoulder as he pressed himself fully inside, not wasting any time in starting a brutal pace. My head slammed into the wall causing the shelves of cleaning supplies to shake with every thrust. My mind started going fuzzy from the continued lack of air and I could only cling to him for dear life. 

Despite how rough he was, I couldn't help how tightly my cunt squeezed around him, his cock dragging along my inner walls and hitting that sweet spot inside with every thrust. I could tell it was working him up quickly, his moans and snarls coming more frequently against my skin as he pounded into me. 

I came back to reality for a moment as claws dug into my skin, tearing at the collar of my habit and reducing it to shreds. "Gonna mark you up nice and good," Dew panted into my skin, his thrusts becoming more erratic. "Can't have you forgetting what it means to fuck around with me." 

He groaned as his hips shuddered, biting down hard into my shoulder. I let out a silent scream, my own hips rutting against his as he unloaded into me. Even his cum felt burning hot as it flooded my insides. I gave a strangled cry as I forcibly came around him, milking his cock of everything he had. It was only when he finished that he finally released my throat, letting me crumple to the dirty floor of the closet. 

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, smearing my blood across his face as he looked down at my pathetic state. "Not bad," he licked his lips. "Let me know if you wanna do this again sometime." I watched with blurry vision as he tucked himself away, straightening out his clothes before opening the door into the corridor. "Thanks for the fuck, Sister," he chuckled before leaving me in the dark again. 

"No, thank you." I groaned quietly, praying to Satan that I didn't go through all of that for nothing. 

[meditating-dog-lover]

Health update

My skin is getting better with time. I know the inflammation on my face is caused by allergies. My general eczema is caused by hormones.

My allergies and face will get better and at least my face isn't flaring as much as before.

My hands are getting better as well. The antibiotics are helping. Also I know high cortisol does also contribute to my skin inflammation because it gets worse with stress, in the morning, and when I did IF (which is known to raise cortisol in women). My obgyn is helping me with estrogen balance, but I know cortisol management can help. Managing all my hormones can help.

My cramps have gotten painful recently and that could be due to hormonal imbalances and even stress.

I get good sleep and am cycling my fasting and am eating an anti-inflammatory diet. Also coffee is known to raise cortisol, so I'm switching to matcha now. So far I feel better and my hands aren't as itchy.

Also from a more cosmetic POV, matcha makes my skin healthy, pink, and glowing and coffee dries it out. I used to drink matcha all the time in Fall 2019 and my skin looked great (I had bad eczema and ragweed allergies at the time, but my face looked refreshed). But now I've learned to care for health more than looks.

Stress relief and anxiety management are other things I need to work, but they will take time. I'm in an anxious state and need psychological support around me.

Things will get better for me. For now:

anti-inflammatory/low glycemic diet

don't eat a lot of sugar

intermittent fasting

good sleep

nasal breathing

drinking 2 L of reverse osmosis daily

reducing cortisol

brisk walking

taking my supplements to fill in nutritional gaps

eat gut supporting foods and supplements (ION humic extract, fiber and probiotic rich)/take digestive enzymes to reduce bloating

switching to matcha from coffee

supporting hormone balance, especially in the context of female hormones and insulin

support liver health and detoxification processes.

look into stress relief, meditation and mindfulness.

basic hygiene like showering, skin care routine, and brushing teeth

trying yoga and pilates for cortisol reduction and relieving tight muscles and posture support

go for routine health exams

ensure you are metabolically healthy and at a healthy weight

getting psychological support I need (I need a lot)

establishing healthy connections with others

establishing self confidence

wearing spf

Doing brain challenging activities like puzzles

I've tried switching to "natural" products, but it can be challenging. Plus aluminum free deodorant really irritated my skin and I don't want to deal with more rashes. In general I do want to use stuff that contain less BPA plastics and heavy metals, but I do want to be realistic. My DIM supplement has ingredients that are important for phase 2 liver detox. So that is helpful for sure. I also try to eat organic foods that are on the dirty dozen, but I don't want overwhelm myself with that either. Same with 100% glass. I think what really helps is support liver health and even the reverse osmosis water. Having some plastic and harmful metals in the body isn't going to be detrimental to our health unless it's in high amounts.

Food is all about balance and I want to eat anti-inflammatory and low glycemic 80% of the time. I had chocolate today and mozzarella sticks yesterday. In college I did a lot of calorie restriction and sugar free dieting. I won't do that anymore, even though I understand the important of not overeating and not eating a lot of sugar. But restriction isn't healthy either. I think cycle fasting and eating mostly anti-inflammatory and low glycemic and not eating a lot of sugar helps. Also staying at a healthy weight and doing a lot of walking is great for blood sugar (at least in my case).

Anti-inflammatory diets reduce cortisol.

I have a lot of childhood trauma which I hid in the back of my head for over a decade. And a lot of it now is resurfacing and I need to address it. A lot of that resulted in trauma purging, where I start crying, getting angry and pessimistic and even lashing out. And I hate doing that, but what's even worse is running away from my trauma or else it's going to keep on following me. I healed from a lot of stuff, but I still need to heal from more things. And as a chronically anxious adult who was just diagnosed with autism, I need to receive a lot of psychological support as well. But overall I feel like I'm getting better.

I am also lonely and am scared of relationships and commitment because I am scared of pain and rejection. I also cannot accept other people's weaknesses and vulnerabilities because I cannot accept my own. I need to heal and support myself psychologically before moving onto a serious relationship. This is an area of my life where I feel like I'm falling behind, but I know it will get better.

[defire]

Dance of Death Chapter 4:

The Stiletto

Content warnings for this chapter: aftermath of child abuse, whumper turned whumpee, revenge

Warren marched into the library and crossed to Markee's alcove, where he'd apparently stayed after Nife ran away. 

Nife heard Warren wrench open the door as she followed a few steps into the library.

"Markee." She heard him speaking through gritted teeth, then the sound of a slap and things knocking over.

Warren could slap hard enough to knock someone out with one blow, and he apparently wasn't holding back. She heard him striking the man over and over. Markee was making choked yelping sounds after each impact.

"Stop, stop," She said, coming toward the alcove, unable to bear the sound of someone getting hurt.

The blows continued, and as she came into view, she could see Warren towering over the cringing Markee on the ground with a hand raised.

"Stop!" She said, aghast. 

He didn't even turn to her, but he lowered his hand, chest heaving and eyes widening at the man on the floor.

"Don't touch my family." He said.

Markee made no answer, but his face was split with an infuriated grin, tears running down his face. He'd knocked the right temple against something as he fell and his head was bleeding.

Suddenly a voice behind Nife made her jump.

"Oh Markee, I'm so sorry." Her mother said, pushing in past her and pulling out a handkerchief to dab at his face. She looked positively horrified.

There was a whole group of servants behind them, and one of them had probably run to get her Mother.

Warren stepped out of her way, blazing eyes meeting Nife's for a moment.

"There will be a lawsuit," Markee said. 

"He was abusing Nife." Warren said.

"Oh, dear," Mother said. "Perhaps we can settle this out of court."

"Do you not hear me, mother?" Warren said. "He was abusing Nife!"

"Warren!" Her mother said in a scolding tone. "Do you not think about our reputation before doing things?"

Warren opened and closed his mouth, flushing and confused, looking at the floor. He shook his head and backed away from the situation.

Nife stared after him with round eyes as he hurried away. She found it easy to disappear from the group of shocked onlookers, as nobody really cared about her role in the situation. Except Warren, it turned out.

Warren kept up with his father's confident stride, matching even his confidence. They spoke quietly as they moved down the hall so as not to be overheard by the family's paid servants. In general, Druids did not believe in keeping slaves.

"Warren, we can't have this." His father's voice rose louder as he became more anxious. "I understand that you were protecting your sister, but..."

"He's a Wry, I know." Warren finished, with a politely low volume. "Father, if you could just dismiss him–"

His father scoffed.

"Ha! Dismiss him? After what you did to him?" His father glanced back, saw Warren's frown, and added– "We can't exactly beat and then dismiss our tutors, at Raizden. If he was a Druid, then maybe. But Warren, he's a damn Wry."

"Father," Warren said as he watched him unlock the combination on his private office door. 5-5-4-4. Ridiculously simple. "She can't just be made to live with him in the house. You don't actually intend to keep him on as her tutor, do you?"

The idea made him boil with anger, but he kept it down under a mask of grim calm.

His father sighed.

"Can't we?"

"No!" Warren exclaimed, shocked.

"Sh." His father said, pulling him into the study by the shoulder. He barely bothered to close the door behind Warren.

"Warren, son, we're in a difficult situation." His father said. "We're the last Druid family that owns a company among the six mega companies. The rest are all owned by Banes. If you make us look bad, people will take us down first."

Warren shook his head.

"This doesn't make any sense, Father. Why would people take us down just because I punished that bastard? Was I too harsh?" He added. "...But how could I be too harsh with a bastard like that?"

"Look." His father tapped his wide, splayed horns with a fingernail. "Look at this horn. You see these horns?"

Warren frowned.

"These are why. To them, we're just animals; criminals at best." His father said. "You, a Druid, beat him, a sun-blessed Bane, who was simply trying to educate a poor young–"

"That's not how it went down at all!" Warren flamed up.

"That's how they'll tell it." His father said, turning away to his desk with a sigh, as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Do you understand? Those Banes think their sun god hates us, and he delivered our land into their hands, and our lives are just part of the plunder of war, to be ended or enslaved as they see fit. The insult it would be for them to find out what you've done..."

"Are they going to find out?"

"Only if Markee isn't satisfied with whatever we can pay him to keep his mouth shut." His father sighed. "Now go to dinner. I have things to finish."

Warren hesitated. His father had always been offhandedly callous like this.

"But this is your daughter." Warren said, frowning.

His father sat down and began looking at papers and writing himself a to-do list, checking dates with his calendar.

"You're still here?" He said, finally realizing Warren was still standing there looking angry.

"You'll just consign your own daughter to living with--with a man like that?"

"I told you that's not what happened."

"What!"

"How they tell it might as well be the truth, for the good it does us. Now go. I don't remember inviting you here."

"Ugh." Warren grunted, frowned and left, seeing servants duck out of sight. They listened in a lot.

Nife was sitting alone on the roof, rubbing her fingers over the embroidered mask under her chin, which had been enchanted to allow one to breathe in the poisonous miasma that covered the bottom of the city. She stared up at the moon, watching it get higher and feeling her natural nocturnal energy rising. It felt so good to be awake at night, and so crappy to be forced  to act like a diurnal Bane.

She was trying to calm down after everything, but she just couldn't face anything that had happened.

"Are you serious?" He had said. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Why didn't I tell anyone?" She muttered, then chuckled. "Oh Warren, you think too much of them."

"Are you talking to me?" She heard his voice down below in the garden. He threaded his way around the garden and made his way up the path to the wall, crossed a slightly easier place to get up to the roof, and then walked toward her on the roof and sat down next to her, folding up his big long legs in front and clasping his fingers together.

His presence brought a sense of safety it never had before.

"You alright?" He asked her.

Nife glanced at his hand, noticing that heat still lingered there in the palm and across the knuckles. He’d really put everything into those slaps.

"Am I alright?" She chuckled.

"Uh, yeah, that's what I said." 

She laughed and tried not to cry, covering her eyes.

"Here." He said, fishing around in his pocket and pulling out something silver. It was a brooch made to look like a moth with its wings folded, apparently.

She reached for it and he pulled it back.

"Wait--" He smirked as she swiped at it, and lifted it up high so she couldn’t reach it. "Look." 

He showed her a button on the back, and pressed it. With a little click, a blade snapped straight out of it at lightning speed.

Nife's jaw dropped.

"A stiletto..." She whispered, grabbing at it. 

This time he opened his hand and let her take it.

"You can pretend it's jewelry and take it anywhere." He said. 

It was still frowned-upon, and partially illegal, for Druids to be armed in public.

She played with the mechanism, eyes alight with excitement, and she realized she was crouching over it like an obsessive creature, nearly unbalancing herself by leaning toward the gutter on the roof. She retracted the blade and traced her fingers over the moth design. It was narrow and fine, each piece fitting so perfectly it barely made a noise when the mechanism was triggered.

"So next time, defend yourself." Warren said, patting her back. "I know you can."

Nife picked up her head, suddenly comprehending why he'd given it to her. She covered her eyes, then turned and wrapped her arms around him, trying not to actively sob.

"I didn't know." He said over her shoulder. "I should've known."

"Should’ve known? I doubt that." Nife said, letting go with a sigh and sniff. She lay back onto the roof. She gazed at the stars, seeing Warren shaking his head moodily at himself, out of the corner of her eyes. She fidgeted with her thumbs over the beautiful stiletto, holding it above her head and feeling the tears drying off in the breeze.

"No, I should've known." Warren said.

"You're not all-powerful, bro."

"It's 'brother'." He said, turning back to her with an incredulous expression, which she met with a smirk.

He shook his head.

"After all this, we have to be even more careful. Father acts like these political issues are life-or-death."

"Maybe he's just a money-grubber."

"No. No, he's just very careful." Warren said. "I wish you wouldn't assume the worst like that..."

"But I always turn out to be right."

Warren sighed shortly, then stood up on the tilted roof and held out a hand. She took it, standing up.

"Just try not to unnecessarily piss off anybody else, please?" He said.

Nife frowned doubtfully.

"I'll try."

First chapter: Previous chapter: Next chapter:

Taglist: @tildeathiwillwrite @mimostic @fleur-a-whump @a-n-j-a-maria

Per Tumblr's content policy, this is the non-nsfw version of Dance of Death.

For anyone following along on this story that wants the canon NSFW version of the story for free, I’m posting this story on ao3 as well, part by part! You can get the full book right away on amazon for $0.99, but I just want to make it possible for anyone to access.

If you like this book, it would mean so much to me if you leave a review of Dance of Death on Amazon.

[cheshire-castle-library]

Long personal post but TLDR:

happiness is stored in the neon gay pyromaniac, and I have yet to unlearn the "Good Little Girls Are Disciplined and Helpful, Regardless of Their Opinions, Needs, or Pains" Southern Christian mentality and I'd really like to.

This really is so dumb!! I've been in like a multiple day depression, brought on by school and I couldn't get out of it. I couldn't even bring myself to post "semester started" studyblr stuff, I mean I took a picture and then decided "yeah this isn't worth it" and was like getting to a point that nothing was worth the effort. Which is, you know, really really bad when you are in higher education, where everything takes effort - and especially being neurodivergent, which makes things take extra effort because the world is not made for us.

But you know its friday night, and I took the time to make my dad a margarita because he's had a hell of a couple weeks and he needed the care, and while I was at it I took the time to make myself boba, because a friend was showing off her boba and boba sounded really good - but since its flooding out here, i can't really go out and i really hope the boba shop is closed and the family that runs it is not running it in the flood - so I pulled out the little sauce crock pot we use on thanksgiving and decided "yeah, boba takes time any way, so this will be a really nice treat for the end of the work day", and somewhere along the way something reminded me of Promare, and Promare sounded like a good idea to watch and Promare is one of the 2 main things I ever have brain worms about, so I sat working on something I needed to do that would take time and I'd lose focus on if I didn't have something to watch.

And wouldn't you know it, I had enough spoons by the end to actually wash my face! Which is like the number 1 (one) thing I skip when the spoons are running out. (Face won't rot out of my mouth if I neglect it, so if its between teeth and face on spoons, teeth win; not because the executive functions are working, but because the "failure" of "getting a cavity" and more importantly the autistic "losing something that's mine" hits and I get anxious about my teeth, so there's a little overshare for you.) But like!! It feels like a whole new world right now!!

One of my best friends was like "sometimes you just need to watch the thing that makes the most good brain chemical", and have i just been starving myself of the good brain chemical all week??

So yeah in conclusion, happiness is stored in the neon gay pyromaniac, and I have yet to unlearn the "Good Little Girls Are Disciplined, Helpful and Do The Right Thing (That's Most Productive For Every One Else Around You)" southern christian lesson and I'm not sure how to fix that.

[katzirra]

Aggressively rubs my face, complaining about anything in life feels so tedious compared to what's going on in the world. World events and disasters and genocides and just fucking everything make you feel so small and worthless. Like god damn I feel guilty for thinking how stressed I am because HAHAH COULD BE WORSE, BITCH. WHICH is kind of a weird thing the internet really uh, perpetuates. Which is kinda what people get at when they say take care of your mental health.

Like I'm staying as up to date as I can but it's... wow it's hard to stomach, and it's hard to know what to do when you're in a financial spot lmao... Fucking god damn. Like carrying on like normal is really hard because there's that thought in the back of my mind right now about how upsetting it is realizing so many people can't do that. Will never do that again. It's like tv static in my head lately low key saddening me more and more.

But yaknow that just sounds like I'm complaining about a world event, but it's not. It's just...a profound sadness. Saturating things. I find myself just kinda sitting lately unsure what to be doing that feels... productive in this time. Not really feeling, uh, creative or happy. I dunno. Low simmering fear as well tbh.

That wasn't the topic I was planning to post about uh... FRIVOLOUS UPDATES I GUESS... I USE TO DO THOSE, YEAH? IDK WHO CARES ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE THESE DAYS TBH LOL

Taking a break from Xig because I'm just ..out of it and need the expectations off me for a second.

Having anxiety even checking my art blog because people weirdly correcting me/giving me a compliment that's shorter than a correction and making me come off rude telling them I'm not wrong makes me anxious as hell :))) so I end up avoiding my own haunts!!! How fucky is that.

I am almost done with my small sketchbook?? I was fixing a few pages up before hitting a few dried out Copics, which lead to me checking all of them to see who I needed to fix/replace and uh... relocate them in my office. Which became redoing my pen pouches and seeing if those got fucked up. Hopefully I'll finish that and start scanning. 2018-2023... with huge gaps in there lol...

I miss doing art I liked. Its kinda stagnant atm so I might take the rest of the year to do studies on angles and shit tbh. I need something. It all feels same same.

Uhhh figuring out some dental stuff - bought myself a bougie electric toothbrush and I think my old one's timer was fucked up and making me brush too long?? Which is bad!!! So this new one already has my teeth feeling better 👏 mom's genetics have me terrified!! My teeth feel better after two brushes??? insane.

Getting bloodwork done Thursday so hopefully figuring some shit out about my weight and health :))) I'd like to lose the like 20-45lb I mysteriously seemed to gain over the past few years??? Uhhh??? And figure my periods out, money has just been BAD since Hannibal's surgery....

Having panic scares about if my job is going away in December or not and hating every job listing I see online so I gotta look for whatever listing sites exist outside indeed. Also something this decent with the same pay :)))))) so that's on my todo list... again.

Box spring is busted on my bed, so hopefully I don't have to replace the mattress just yet because of the previous point AND THE FACT I JUST STARTED GETTING TO SAVE FOR MY PC..... first world problems but fuck, dudes. Vakarian is fucking suffering sometimes... :(( but we'll see because MATTRESS PRICES.......!!!

I cleaned my office and room and that made me feel like I've accomplished something for myself so that's... something.

Trying to focus on things. Depression cocktail is going on..... money, job, housing, health, the world... it's all so much all the time, man.

[cydoniandetective]

Ok but one last thing

Dennis is my fave and the other members of the gang all have their moments to shine and I love them but I don't talk about everyone else often enough, so some things really caught my attention in these 2 first episodes of season 16

in episode 2 I really loved mac's mom and charlie's mom!! I love the comedic timing between Mac and his mom. The way she's paying attention to TV or just being in her own world while smoking without being "bothered" while Mac is trying to read into her behavior rings so true to life! I never realized this before, but his mom reminds me of my dad (minus the smoking and, you know, burning their child with a lighter lol). He often gets very monosyllabic and makes the absolute minimum effort to respond to conversations. I found Mac, once again, so endearing for this.

In the same episode, charlie's mom was another highlight. I think it's incredible how charlie's relationship with his mom is portrayed. We, as the audience and having watched other seasons, know about her past behavior and how it affected charlie while growing up and at best we could say she was careless. But in moments like this you can see how genuine her love for him is, especially considering how bad she is handling things (I mean, she wanted to give what charlie wanted so bad she was literally removing her teeth lol) and how emotional she gets (what I just mentioned and how she cries really easily in anxious situations). So even with her faults I do see she's trying to be a good mom, and I found really heartwarming how Charlie gets annoyed/bothered but also shows he cares for her too (like trying to get her to a hospital). I never realized this before either, but his mom reminds me of my mom. Wanting to do what's good for their child, but due to her own emotional problems she ends up creating more issues with/for her child. Charlie's reaction also felt very true in the way he cared for her but was so done with the situation.

On the other hand, there's Frank. I really enjoy Frank's character because he manages to surprise me when he has these brief moments of humanity (many moments with Charlie, during Mac's dance performance, when Dennis tells him he feels like he's got a hole in his chest etc.), and also because Danny's really really funny. But I think some episodes that focus on him can be kinda meh, like Frank's Brother or Being Frank and some others I can't remember rn. Having said that, he was really good in these two episodes!

In the first one I found his reaction to Dennis and Mac's stupid business proposal really good. Especially when Dennis was talking about Mac "blowing", Frank's face was so good it barely seems like it's acting. But also I was wondering if they'd go for Frank accepting their "plan" just because of the presentation with the "inflation". I mean that in the sense that depending on the writing or general context that would probably be it for his intentions/his mentality. I don't mean that as an insult as in "they're going for cheap jokes" or "they're oversimplifying characters", because I feel like sometimes that's justifiable depending on the tone of the plot or the focus/approach writers are taking. I know it's not the first time they've done something like this, "surprising" us later with Frank's true intentions afterwards, but for a moment I think I got played for doubting how they were gonna play Frank in this situation. I'm very pleased with their choice on this.

And then in episode 2 the whole thing with Dennis and Dee was pretty interesting, not only because we got more of the twins acting in unison, but also because they've acknowledged once again the parental relationship they had in the past, and also Frank's care for Charlie as his true son (not wanting them to kill him in front of Charlie). The moment he "accepts" what he thinks they're doing really got me, especially because true to his character he changed his mind instantly when he realized their whole thing was about the gun and took charge of the situation taking the gun back. (Also props for the reasons Dennis and Dee mentioned why it would be absurd for them to kill him. Great character moments!)

So idk I guess what I want to convey is that some small moments like these really make the show for me, and even though they're somewhat understated they're not unappreciated.

Being able to notice and relate to things that add to the characterization but are not the main focus of the scene/plot is where sunny truly shines for me. It's funny, exaggerated, but it also makes me care about these characters.

Disclaimers:

Yes, I do realize it's a 20 minute per episode comedy show and I wrote this whole thing about basically nothing.

Yes, I do know I suck at expressing my thoughts and putting them into words, but for once I feel like putting some ideas out there for no reason, and English is obviously not my first language (though I'm not that great at this even in my own language, but whatever)

No, I did not realize my "just one more thing" would make me write this wall of text. So, now for real I'll go study to contain my anxiety

[agirlneedsgoals]

State of the Me: Boo Hoo Sad Panda Edition

Hi. I still haven't been around, sorry. I'mma cut this so people can scroll past. 😘

I'm still in Sad Panda Land, hence the not being around. It's just getting worse in a lot of ways. I'm isolating even more. I've dropped email entirely (Google says my account's almost full; that's a lot of emails). I'm starting to wobble on Instagram. Idk, I'm not great at social media anyway. I post but I can't keep up with so many people. Friends I was in regular contact with a year ago are occasional texts now.

My anxiety has been off the charts in fun and interesting ways. I've been biting my hands, wrists, and forearms when I'm distracted. I wouldn't call it self harm but I've fucked them up pretty bad. Only drawn blood once...on my wrist...next to a vein...right over a tendon....because I'm stupid occasionally, fuck. But it looks like I've been both mauled and burned. Why burned? Idk, I'd like to know that, too. My skin is reacting weirdly.

I have a ton more chewlry than I used to but it's not the same and I don't even notice when I'm doing it so it's hard to switch to the chew toys. Also, I chew A LOT more with the chewlry in my mouth. And HARDER. Like aggressively hard. It was starting to hurt my jaw and teeth. And I keep taking bites out of them and killing them.

I realized the other day that this biting thing started LAST SUMMER. And other anxiety things (pulling my hair (not out, just yanking on it), drinking angry water/soda excessively, making my room even darker and more enclosed than normal and refusing to leave it, refusing to leave the house for weeks at a time, weird rhythmic movements) had started BEFORE that, so no wonder I couldn't figure out a trigger.

Everything is worse. I'm sadder, I'm sicker. I feel trapped and like I'm giving up even though there's a part of me that's screaming for me to do something.

Not to say I'm dying or anything. No I'll just be this hollow shell person for years and years and years.

I'm reading an insane amount but it's all brain candy trash romance novels. I'm learning a lot about the different subgenres. I'm intending to write one but my writing has also stopped for the moment. All the ideas, but no work on them. At least I'm still having ideas? 🎉

I'm TRYING. I just feel...trapped. Stuck in some sticky goo like a roach in a roach motel. I keep asking for help (figuratively and literally) but what are people supposed to do, really?

I'm not sure I'm medicated well anymore. My original goal with medication was to control my anger and we've done that. But I'm so sad and so anxious and so frozen all the time. I don't have Executive Dysfunction, I AM Executive Dysfunction.

Maybe I need a new therapist. I love Theresa but even when I manage to say something real, I feel like she doesn't understand the implications.

I don't knowwwww. Everything is hard. Everything feels insurmountable. I feel like I'll spend the rest of my life in my little cocoon, escaping into books while I wither away. I'm having stretches of apathy that are scary blank. I don't want to stop caring. I can't stop caring.

Hand staple forehead. Such spectacle, very drama.

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

It watched me without eyes

"Hey- You listening?" My date snapped her fingers in front of me, tearing my gaze away from it. For a brief moment I couldn't remember her name, then it came to me.

"Sorry, Frances. Didn't mean to doze off like that," I said sheepishly. "So… you were saying?"

Frances reclined back, seemingly mollified. "Well, Miriam _had_ to run around telling everyone about Henrietta's boyfriend, so Mirabelle and I teamed up to stop her from running her mouth. But could you believe it…" 

"Yep, I'm sure," I said idly, tuning her words out. Goodness, that woman ran her mouth like nobody's business. She was pretty enough to make up for it, a bombshell blonde with baby blue eyes. I had met her on a dating app. She was the bubbly, spiritual sort, going so far as to call herself a 'witch' and brag about her astrology knowledge. Not the brightest bulb in the box, naturally, but I had always had a thing for bimbos.

"Ugh, I know right?! Like, how could she say such things about poor Glendy! It makes my blood boil just thinking about it, you know you know?! That's why I think Mitchell was so brave to stand up for her…"

Something brushed against my bare, exposed throat, and I jolted away, standing up and turning around sharply. But it was only an elderly woman in a bright pink scarf, shuffling to her seat. "So sorry for starting you, dearie," she purred, settling down. "Really, I ought to be more careful."

I nodded placatingly. "Sorry about that, ma'am," I said, nodding my head in apology. The hunger made me skittish. We were at a cosy little Italian restaurant, newly opened and barely occupied.

"Goodness, you're really anxious!" Frances tittered. "Say? Where's our food? I think I need to go call and talk to the waiters at this point." She waved her arm about, trying to catch the attention of the waiters. From the corner where we sat, I caught sight of three of them, heads bowed in some sort of conversation.

None of them looked up. The restaurant was practically empty, and I understood why. Who would want to go to a place with such poor service? They had yet to greet the old lady next to me. "I'll deal with this," I told Frances, and got up ready to give them a piece of my mind. 

Pushing my chair back, I strode purposefully over to the waiters. "Hey, we ordered a lasagna, a risotto, two white wines and a bread basket twenty minutes ago! Where the hell's our food?"

They didn't look up, and I suddenly felt a rush of rage. "Didn't you hear what I just said? I want to speak to your manager now!" The nerve of them, to ignore a paying customer. Had they even conveyed my order to the kitchen? I took one step closer until I was glaring at the back of a dark haired waiter's head. Fed up with him, I grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. "Don't play dumb-"

He was watching me with no eyes. His face was nothing more than a smooth plateau, devoid of emotion. Yet I had the distinct feeling that he saw me, that he was staring at me, and most of all, that he was angry.

It occurred to me that I might have made a significant error. An error so significant that it might cost me my life. I took two steps away, releasing the faceless waiter from my grasp. "My bad, boys," I said, raising my hands in surrender. "I won't bother you again, eh? Take your time with the lasagna."

The other two waiters looked up, and I swear I saw a twitching of the cheeks that signalled a grin. I turned and fled, only to run right into the old lady. "Run, somethings really wrong with the waiters!" I grabbed her wrist, but something held me right there. I turned around.

The old lady grinned at me, revealing far too many rows of needle-sharp teeth. Her scarf wrapped itself about me like furry pink tentacles, constricting my chest and making my head spin. "What a nice youngster you are," she purred, grasping my arms with bloodied, tetanus-ridden claws. "Looking after an old lady like that, hmm? Why, I could just eat you up!"

Her jaws unclicked, and I gagged on the rotten stink of her breath. They expanded, and I found myself staring down the deep abyss of her oesophagus. I was going to die here, I realised dismally. I was going to die because I went on a stupid date at this miserable restaurant.

And then I wasn't. A small, manicured hand pulled me back, and I found myself wedged into the not-insignificant bosom of Frances. She bore a look of complete, utter disgust. "Let go of my date, skinwalker," she snapped. "This one's mine!"

"Frances, run! Don't try to fight that thing," I urged, trying to hurry her along. I hooked my arm around hers and picked her up, only to get a snack on the head for my troubles.

"Put me down, you idiot! Didn't you hear a word I said?" She glared at me ferociously. "I'm a witch, bitch! And I can take a skinwalker. Now get behind me, you nitwit, and stop pretending to be so macho." For once, I did as she told me to, and ducked behind a table. This was way out of my paygrade.

The skinwalker — if that was what the old lady really was — laughed at Frances. "Little witch, do you really think you can def-" Frances smacked the skinwalker, cutting off its words. It was almost comical, in a horrible way, to see her stare down a monster twice her size.

She grabbed the coat of the skinwalker and pulled it down. With her other palm, she whipped out her lipstick and sketched a strange symbol on its forehead. "Yes," she said triumphantly, as the skinwalker thrashed and screamed in her iron grip, "I totes think I can beat you."

The three waiters exchanged glances with each other, then made a run for the door. Smoothly, Frances capped her lipstick and pulled out a dagger. She threw it expertly at the dark haired waiter, who was almost at the door. The waiter went down like a stone, hitting the floor with a too-loud thump. The other two followed suit soon after.

Almost as an afterthought, Frances pulled out a tiny, pink handgun and shot the skinwalker in the back of the head twice, then did the same for the twitching waiters. "Ugh, I bet Miriam sent those summonings after me," she said casually, turning to me. "She's always so jealous of the guys I pull, you know you know? I kept telling her she's such a red flag, and you know- she kinda needs to change and get a glowup, but does she listen? No, of course not! Who listens to little Frances, am I right?"

I stared blankly at her, then nodded obediently. "Err," I started, trying to arrange my thoughts into coherence, "Thanks for the save earlier, and I'm really sorry for not listening to you, you know?"

Frances beamed at me and pulled me up, leaving my sleeves coated in blood. "Aww, you're so sweet! I'm just glad you're not the sort who can't deal with a girl being stronger than them, you know you know?" She skipped over to the waiters and pulled out the daggers, which I noted to be decorated in eye-wateringly cutesy stickers. "Look, can I invite you over to my place? It won't be nearly as good as here, but I've got some microwave lasagna??"

The sheer hope on her face, and the fact that she had just single handedly taken down the stuff of my nightmares, meant I really couldn't say no.

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 11 - The Depression pt 2. Episode 2.

------Congo's point of view-----

Congo: *I have to admit, as I spotted that bike, I feared the worst! I tried to keep up with Andy, I wanted to be able to reach him, grab his shoulder and prevent him from seeing whatever the result must have been of that long slide mark in the grass. It looked bad. Really bad. Even if the ground was soft and kinda swampy out here, there wasn't much of a chance to get out of a crash like that in a good shape. So it's safe to say I was already searching for my phone in my pockets, ready to dial 911. As I finally caught up with Andy, he was on his knees, bend over Evan, and it was clear to hear he was sobbing.* Andy? Is he okay?

Evan: Yes, he is okay *he chuckled softly* but he wont be much longer, if Andy keeps choking him! *He whimpered softly from pain as he tried to laugh*

Congo: *I grabbed Andy's shoulders and gently wrestled him off Evan* Sweetheart, you need to let him breathe a bit… please. I bend over Evan, and although there weren't much visible scratches except a scratch on his chin, I couldn't help but notice the pain in his eyes* Where are you hurt? Should I call an ambulance?

Evan: *He sighed from pain and closed his eyes* No no… it's my shoulder… it has somehow fallen out of it's socket, and I can't get it back in place… can you give me a hand? All you have to do is…

Congo: *I nodded agreeing* I know, it's not the first time I have done something like that. Can you sit up?

Evan: *Shook his head lightly* No… I'm afraid you have to pull me up. It was hard enough sms'ing with Andy. *He looked at Andy with a soft smile* I'm sorry I lied to you… I'm not okay… and I do have plenty of power on my phone, I just couldn't lift the phone far enough to handle a call, and I didn't want to worry you more than I knew you already were. I hate lying, specially to you… but…

Andy: *He nodded softly* I understand… it's okay.

Congo: Right. *I grabbed Evans right hand* Hold on tight, I'm gonna yank you up quickly, on 3. It's going to hurt!

Evan: *He nodded bravely and sank his teeth into his bottom lip*

Congo: 1…. 2… 3! *At the exact 3 I pulled as hard and fast as I could, making Evan sit up straight in a split second, quite surprisingly he didn't make a single sound. *Are you okay? *I looked at him a bit doubting*

Evan: *He sighed deeply* yeah, I'm okay. But please take care of my shoulder before I lose my nerves! *he forced a nervous laughter and grabbed onto one of Andy's hands, holding it tight*

Congo: *I nodded at him* On 3. 1…. 2… *This time I yanked his left arm before 3, and was not surprised when he yelped loudly*

Andy: God! Evan! Are you okay? *He looked at me with anxious eyes* Is he okay??

Evan: *Chuckled softly* I'm okay. Thank you, Congo. *He slowly and very gently moved his shoulder around a bit. It hurts like hell, but at least it's in the right place now.

Congo: *I Smiled softly* Good. Now… do I dare to ask what happened here?

Evan: *He sighed deeply* Would you believe me if I said a rabbit ran out in front of me, and I was stupid enough to dodge it, even if I know that's the last thing you should ever try?

Congo: *I chuckled softly* Yes, I do believe that. And I'm glad to hear you weren't drunk.

Evan: *He smiled softly and nodded* Yeah, no… I try to avoid drunk driving as much as possible.

Congo: *I nodded agreeing and got up slowly* How about your bike? Did it survive?

[relapsdcw]

10.17.2024 , 2:30am

tw:// su!cide, s/h mention, bpd, drug use, medical/ bodily fluids?

it's funny i made this account and then lost all motivation to really blog on it, and now after my boyfriend and i watching shows im high and decided to feel my feelings at a minimum intensity so i can write this lol

the last few days have been a blur, really. i woke up friday morning so stressed out i was brushing my teeth and started gagging, which ended up leading to a panic attack, and i called out of work 30 minutes prior to my start time telling my store manager i "couldn't stop throwing up" when in reality i was so anxious and couldn't stop shaking, so i called in and i couldn't get out of bed for the entire day.

then saturday came, and the stress of me calling out and how bad i felt ended up actually making me sick, and i spent the day with a fever and actually throwing up.

it made me feel good, in a way though? because i've been relapsing with my eating disorder so me being sick was a reason for me to avoid eating all together.

sunday was spent the same way- bed rotting, attempting to play video games- and then losing energy for it after an hour and laying back in bed because being awake is unbearable.

monday came; some important context is that i tend to get violently high on my off days / at night to help my anxiety, i wake up in the morning with it worn off and severe panic attacks every. single. morning. i'm unmedicated and haven't gone to receive medical care in almost 3 years. my BPD looks a lot more like A and less like B. so.. the edibles help.--- anyway, i wake up from nocturnal panic attacks every morning and it's been like that since may of 2023.

it originally started because my fp at the time had started being more emotionally distant after i got a girlfriend (i'll talk abt her in another post), and i slept-called with him every night anyway (yes i understand that is cheating kind of and i feel terrible but i would literally have panic attacks if i didn't call him lol) ANYWAY i noticed he started to get distant and he told me he was sleep calling w another girl at the same time but it felt okay because he said he kept her on his pc while he keeps me on the phone... yeah i was- it was bad erm anyway the only other thing that has really helped in the past has been either not having work the next day, or cuddling with someone while i'm asleep & them rubbing my back / holding me back to sleep whenever i wake up from more anxiety. ANYWYAY. It was monday-- i had work.

i went to work, i spent the entire day thinking i had a bladder infection when in reality i was so anxious i couldn't stop peeing (no seriously, i kept apologising to my team because i kept peeing every 40 minutes or so) and i felt SO TERRIBLE because my team was perfect we should've gotten out early anyway, i had to text my mom and tell her i had to go to the clinic in the morning, and she said okay after a few attempts of me trying to reach her. (her and my dad drove somewhere to buy erm.. idk can i say this in tumblr? lol.) anyway, i got home and my shift ended- i ran into my parents and talked about it with my mom who couldn't understand what a uti was and i just had to explain it hurt to pee.. anyway we planned to go at 9:30 on tuesday

that night also my boyfriend and i got into a fight and i ended up freaking out and trying to break up with him (i genuinely don't remember what the fight was about) (idk if it was a split or a i was hangry but i blacked out with anger) ... my boyfriend is more patient than i could ever ask for.

tuesday comes: my mom moves the time from 930 to 1130. for some reason this triggered my bpd and i started to take it as she doesn't care about me because i need to go to the clinic and she's wasting my time and she keeps moving the time to later because she doesn't want to hang out with me because she has flaked on me the last 4 times i asked to go somewhere with her and in that moment i was a little girl who needed her mom to take her to the doctor and i felt abandoned. she ended up walking into my room and giving me her antibiotics but i said i don't even know if i really had one, i didn't want to risk antibiotic resistance by taking her medication and it freaked me out- she got mad at me and we started arguing and the argument got so bad i just left. i started to run. i couldn't think about what i was doing i grabbed my phone and my wallet and just left.

i was so mad. the nausea started to set in and i started to feel sick leaving home. it felt like i was in high school again and i was scared. i just left. i'm 22 and i felt like a scared little kid. my mom and i arguing back and forth- i finally come home a little bit later after my mom and i talked. i walk in the door with her asking to go to the clinic now but i felt so exhausted from the fight i had no energy. i didn't care if i had a bladder infection or not i felt so tired- and then she kept prying. "let's go already" over and over again and it just snapped something. we started yelling-- i started yelling, i kept telling her how i thought she was just like dad, how manipulative she is and how fucked up it is that she's picking an abuser over her kids and how much i hate it when she gets high and how i cant trust her and how i cant even eat her food because its disgusting, she had known i wasn't eating and sick and i said that, and i saw the look on her face while she started to blame herself- she tried to come in and hug me but in the moment i was so scared i started to crawl away from her and told her i couldn't do this. i walked upstairs sobbing and started throwing stuff around my room, i felt like a toddler. i hated it. but i couldn't stop it felt like my emotions controlled me and i couldn't see anything good. i looked at the antibiotics my mom had given me earlier and googled them.

i could overdose on this.

it was all that was going through my mind i started to fantasise about my last moments i was sobbing dreaming about the pain but how i wouldn't have to live like this anymore; how i could finally rest, how tired i am- i felt scared for a second- and texted my boyfriend. he begged me not to do anything and i finally calmed down enough to sit on my carpet. i sat there for an hour just picking around at it trying to avoid getting up or moving because if i did, i would've reached for the bottle. i ended up getting so mad i smashed my glasses into my floor while sitting in my carpet and snapped them in 4 different pieces. that wasn't getting fixed. the rage still wasn't gone. i needed to hurt myself. my razors were within reach but instead i grabbed my hair brush. and started untangling my carpet. and i kept doing it until i felt like it was clean. if it was clean. i can be calm. if i can be calm, i can be done. and i did that for a few hours until i got up and started to clean my room. i got up and showered. my mom and i didn't talk for the rest of the night and i ended up spending the night watching movies on discord with my bf, but i got super sick so i had my face above my tea kettle boiling water so my nose could drain because erm.. i got really sick from going outside.

anyway.

now today- we'll yesterday was wednesday. my mom and i texted. i said i was sorry. i could pee with no pain until the very very end so i am instead trying to drink more water because i read that pee is actually super acidic and if u don't drink water it's super concentrated and i remember i really.. hadn't had any water the entire weekend/prev 5 days... so i've been drinking water and it doesn't bother me as much today? my dad doesn't want my mom doing my laundry because i "don't deserve it" but idk how he's allowed to live here when he's abused tf out of us our entire lives but go off ig idk ✨parental trauma sry✨ anyway my mom and i planned to go do my laundry today at 10:30am so im writing this and passing out.

i feel better today. i think. i cleaned my room more and ordered food and i was actually able to eat it. i'm kind of very broke now because i bought some stuff on amazon related to kink and wow that's expensive and i splurged more because... spending problems when upset.. lots of credit card debt.. (can get more into that too) but yeah. i ate food, my bf n i watched wizards of waverly place. i love him so much. i really do. argh lemme make an entire post abt him i swear

[hyunrun]

mommy issues below 🐱

me when I'm third wheeling my mum and sister 😔 like ok I alr knew she was the favourite child you didn't also need to make me walk behind you on the very wide sidewalk 😂😂

my mum also got mad at me for being a considerate person 😶 apparently I'm acting too 'righteous' and asking her to not be in the way of old people is annoying her BC 'they can walk around us'

If I tried to explain to her that my social awareness is so high strung because I feel constantly anxious I know she'll shoot me down because she has diagnosed anxiety and she doesn't feel like that (let's forget that these things are not the same for everyone 😋)

and then once we pick up my little sister I have to watch her hug her and kiss her and whatever when a few hours earlier she shook off my hand for trying to hold her hand while we were walking 🐱

i know she loves me but sometimes she makes it really hard to believe that the love she holds for me measures up to the love she holds for my sister. i feel a little more like a failed experiment.

I don't want to feel bad because her period is starting soon so maybe she's just snappy because of that. I'm not even angry at her I'm just sad and mad at myself for being stupid and always getting on her nerves (I am a little mad at her but I don't want to be because we'd only get in a fight if I am and then I'd just feel worse when I lose it because I'd never try to win a fight w her because she'd probably kick me out on the streets for a night 😼😎).

sitting across her on the verge of tears at a restaurant and she hasn't noticed yet because she's too busy doing something (literally idk what they're on her phone) w my sister but to give her credit I'm good at looking like I'm not crying when I'm crying

sometimes I feel like it's just a bit of retribution for me causing her hell before and after I was born but sometimes I want to disappear from this earth just so my family has an easier time I'm really tired of feeling like a constant burden and annoyance.

i always want to be like my sister too and it sucks but she's so cool for being 11. she's so self assured and strong and literally everything I'm not which is so embarrassing. whenever we meet Anyone all my mum cares to say about her is positive in comparison to my negative and I hate it so much because I just have to smile through my teeth. but I also love my sister too much to condemn her for it BC she's so talented and pretty and amazing and deserves everything she has but I just wished I had it too. even socially she's so graceful. i love people so much and I care too much and I run after them and stick to them and act like a leech just because I love them but I feel like everyone slips between my fingers but on the other hand my sister is so chill and doesn't need people around her but somehow is so magnetic and wonderful that people flock around her anyway.

my mum always jokes about the fact that she had to put so much effort into knowing kids' parents when I was younger BC she had to arrange playdates n stuff for me and I feel so bad and disgusting but I know it was just the reality but idk.

i feel like I'm about to hyperventilate and cry but my mum wants me to give her a leg massage and my dad wants me to video call him so I'll be back later ig 😋 (future me - my mum yelled a time for taking too long to give her the leg massage (I wasnt going to her because I was about to cry) and my dad was too sleepy to see I was upset (not his fault) so that was fun) anyway I'm tired of writing this post because I seem so annoying so if anyone reads this far then 🙏⁉️ this is embarrassing but ty for sticking around haha