#I'm an asshole sorry guys
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Can you tell who my favorite character is right now...
#I LOVE HIM#RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#sorry guys I really love luciel too but zagan is like#sorry I#exactly my type of everything idfk#it's. the#his.#uhhhmmmmmmm#wowie...#I have been drawing him a LOT......#I have other drawings of him too but uh#I DIDNT WANT THERE TO BE TOO MANY HAHAHAH#I wanted just the highest caliber#the peak#the best of the best#only the top#the cream of the crop#AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU#fuck I wanna make his comic so bad so I can draw him 1 million times#I also love luciel but luciel is more contextual okay#in the context of the comic I actually like luciel more...?#cause theyre fucking NICE okay#zagan is an asshole hes like extremely a bad person#but for illustrations#and little animations....#fuuuuuuuck aha.........#anyways I'm not gonna tag this one much other than rambles cause it's just reposting my art#also it would be rlly funny if people were like WHAT IS HE FROM#like from my fucking brain I'm sorry#you cant read the comic yet IM SORRY IM SORRY
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Controversial opinion but I think Lucifer gets babied too much by the fandom. Like I get that he has mental health issues but seeing all this fanmedia of women and men of color nannying this white-adjacent man who has been shown to be an incompetent and absent husband, father and leader. Just. Grinds my gears.
Not saying I hate Lucifer but... when people frame past radiostatic with current radioapple as a huge upgrade, it reeks of a woman leaving her abusive ex for a neglectful husband. While I'm glad Lucifer is a step up from Adam, I need to see actual improvements if I don't want to get the ick.
Agreed.
I massively agree.
Lucifer gets babied a lot. And like you said, yes, he has mental health issues and that's valid, but a lot of the time, it feels like his mental health issues become a scapegoat for his flaws and bad behavior.
Depression is a legit reason for Lucifer to struggle to maintain relationships and reach out to those he cares about. As someone who has suffered from depression, I understand pulling away from people, feeling like you need a reason to reach out to someone, having a negative opinion of oneself, getting overwhelmed with anxiety, even ignoring other people's attempts at reaching out to you because it's just...too hard and it's too much and you're stuck in this cycle that you can't break out of.
HOWEVER
Lucifer's depression doesn't take away from the fact that he's neglected Charlie as a parent. It doesn't negate the fact that he has acted condescendingly towards her and her ambitions. It doesn't counteract the fact that Charlie felt uncomfortable and awkward for a majority of their interactions in "Dad Beat Dad."
I sympathize with Lucifer having depression, but unfortunately, mental illness doesn't just effect you, it also effects the people around you, and i can't fault Charlie for her feelings too.
Because at the end of the day, Lucifer is Charlie's father.
Charlie is his child.
And as a parent, he has responsibilities. Ones that he failed to meet, which would have an effect on Charlie as children are meant to rely on their parents.
It's very telling that Charlie calls Lilith (who's been MIA for 7 years) more than she calls Lucifer (who's probably just a few Circles away). And no, I don't think this is because Lilith kept them separated and all that bullshit. I think Lucifer 100% had a hand in his and Charlie's estranged relationship and I hate it when he's passed off as nothing but a victim in all of it.
I hate it when he's boiled down to sad depressed man who's done nothing wrong. He has done plenty wrong.
And that's okay.
Because that's what makes his character good. He is multi-faceted. He is flawed. You can be depressed and still treat the people around you bad. I don't think Lucifer ever meant to be an absent parent, he obviously loves Charlie with all his heart, but that doesn't mean Charlie wasn't affected by his actions.
She very obviously was. Charlie is one of the most positive people in the show (to an extent that it becomes one of her flaws too), but the minute she called Lucifer it was a complete flip of how we normally see her. She was immediately annoyed. Her patience was already wire-thin. She was close to snapping so many times.
And I can see why. He only calls when he's bored/wants/needs something. He forgot about where she was and what she was doing despite her already telling him. He told her that he'd do anything to help her, and then said "no" the minute she asked.
Also, let's not forget how he answered the phone in the first place.
"Heeey, bitch!"
And look, it was funny. I laughed too. I still think it's funny.
But, imagine you called your dad for the first time in years (a dad you have a very strained relationship with) and the first thing you hear is a peppy, "Heeeeey, bitch!"
Like??? I can't blame Charlie for being annoyed as all hell, okay? I get the sense that she's been putting up with this bullshit for a VERY long time ad she's lost all patience for it. She's done. She's sick of it. She's been disappointed one too many times.
Also, yes, it's not just that Lucifer has been an absent father but he's been a neglectful ruler too. I wouldn't be surprised if Pentagram City has as much respect for him as they do for Charlie. I mean
HE SIGNED OFF ON THE EXTERMINATIONS
Lucifer gave the go-ahead for a yearly genocide of the people he rules over. Can we get some repercussions for that? Do you know how many people lost their friends? Family? Lovers? Vaggie literally spared a child--a CHILD. And I doubt that was the first kid ever confronted by an Exorcist.
Imagine that Cherri died during an Extermination and here we have Angel Dust meeting the person who stepped aside and let it happen. Do you think he wouldn't be mad?
Imagine Carmilla did lose her daughters during that Extermination. Do you really think she'd meet Lucifer and feel nothing but anger and contempt?
Personally, I think Lucifer agreeing to the Exterminations is what fractured his and Charlie's relationship. Like, fully fractured it. That was the last nail in the coffin.
And honestly, I WANT Lucifer to see the consequences of the Exterminations. I want him to have repercussions because that was an INCREDIBLY SHITTY THING TO DO. I imagine he didn't think there was any other option, but we also know that he didn't hold the sinners in high regard anyway. He had the lowest of low opinions of them. I doubt it took much convincing for him to agree.
Lucifer is the oldest being in the Pride Ring--he may be the oldest being in Hell. He's the most powerful person there. He is the embodiment of Pride. And he ACTS LIKE IT IN THE SHOW.
He has acted that way towards Charlie too. He didn't go to her hotel with an open mind. He wasn't actually listening to her plan or taking it into consideration. He played stupid when she asked him what he thought about it. And when the hotel was under attack, instead of stopping it (which he could easily done with a snap of his fingers), he was smirking and acting self-satisfied as he gloated about being "right" about Sinners.
And if you think I'm exaggerating then go rewatch that entire scene.
Look at him
He is acting so smug and he is rubbing it in Charlie's face.
LOOK AT CHARLIE! She is in distress. She is angry. And she is hurting. Her hotel is falling to pieces around her, her friends are in danger, and the whole time she had her dad gloating in her ear about why her dream is, essentially, a waste of time.
And the only thing that snapped him out of it was Charlie asking why Alastor (the one actually protecting the hotel) has more faith in her than her own father. It took Charlie bringing up Alastor again for Lucifer to knock his shit off.
Look at how hurt and closed off Charlie is in the last screenshot. I can't imagine that this is the first time Lucifer has acted towards her in this way. Do I think Lucifer meant to hurt Charlie?
No.
But did he?
Hell-to-the-fucking-YES!
Lucifer is an asshole. He acted like an asshole towards Alastor. He's acted like an asshole towards Charlie. And he kind of acted like an asshole towards the rest of the Hazbin crew considering he didn't exchange a single line of dialogue with them. They introduced themselves to him and that was it. Lucifer spent the rest of the time dissing on Alastor and talking exclusively to Charlie and Vaggie.
Lucifer suffers from depression, yes, but that doesn't take away that he is as much of an asshole as any other character in the show. And I hate that being stripped away and getting turned into this sad, babied little man who's awkward and shy and everyone else is just being mean to him. It's so dull and it's such a disservice to his character.
I don't want sweet, shy little UwU Lucifer that needs to be coddled.
I want mean, condescending, ass-hole Lucifer who reaps the consequences of his actions and grows from them.
#can you guys tell im salty?#I'm a little salty#I didn't mean to get so bitter in this haha#but babied Lucifer really does bother me#its so annoying#and its such a disservice to his character#he is the embodiment of Pride#let him act like it#having depression doesn't stop someone from acting like an asshole#this isn't to take away from his depression either#depression is a real and valid thing#and his actions based on his depression makes sense#however#his actions STILL hurt Charlie#and Charlie is valid in her feelings too#lets stop brushing off how she feels#Lucifer wasn't the only one hurt#Charlie was hurting SO FUCKING MUCH#give her the credit she deserves#give her the empathy she deserves#I feel more sorry for her than I do for Lucifer if we're being honest#character analysis#hazbin hotel#lucifer morningstar#hazbin hotel lucifer#anonymous#hazbin lucifer#lucifer hazbin hotel#charlie morningstar#charlie hazbin hotel
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I feel like I should say since there's been a recent uptick in a lot of communities I'm in/see stuff from a lot of white people pretending to be Asian, but you are not welcome here if you are in anyway stealing from Asian cultures for clout or the aesthetics of it
This includes if you're white and you give your self inserts Asian names, I truly do not care if your f/o is from an anime, you should not be using an Asian name under any circumstances. I hate that whenever I see someone using an Asian name online, I feel like I have to start searching their account to see if they're actually Asian or just a white person who likes the aesthetic of it bcs far too many white people will use Asian names here just bcs it sounds cool, with no regard for the actual cultural meaning behind it. Meanwhile actual Asian people will be mocked for their names, or treated like their names are too hard to learn to pronounce, or discriminated against based on their names
Asian cultures are not a fun little costume for people to dress up with. They aren't just a nice aesthetic, they aren't just a thing you can borrow from bcs you think it sounds cool
#my posts#selfship community#anti asian racism#like it's definitely a perpetual problem of white people not seeming to realize asian names are like#a thing that are tied to culture and identity#but it's gotten crazy lately with people pretending to be asian online for clout#just in the past like 3 weeks of things i've seen#we had the white woman pretending to be a japanese woman on comic twitter#the white woman who pretended to be korean to get a 'ownvoices' book published#(who btw. named herself kim chi. you cannot make this shit up)#and then the white guy pretending to be japanese to try to justify his hate of the new assassin's creed game using stuff around yasuke#like it's so draining. i hate how much this is a never ending problem#i hate how casually white people will use asian names#like worstie. i am a korean woman. but i am whitepassing and mixed so i never use korean names for my self inserts#bcs i have the privilege of looking white and people generally only knowing i'm asian if i say it#it feels inappropriate to me for me to name my self inserts a korean name#bcs that would then mean they experience the world in a different way than i do#even being whitepassing bcs of the way people treat korean (and other asian) names#if you are white you have no fucking right to asian names#idgaf if your f/o's an anime character. stay away from asian names bcs they are not yours to dress up in#vent a little bit sorry team#i've been dealing with white people doing this shit and being assholes to me about it for well over a year now. it's exhausting
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If Brad's gonna be here for another episode, then he better do something completely reckless and batshit stupid that causes either Buck or Eddie to have an NDE because if that isn't the case, then WHY THE FUCK IS HE STILL HERE??!!
#911#911 abc#911 on abc#911 show#911 thoughts#911 fandom#911 spoilers#911 s8 spoilers#911 s8#911 season 8#evan buckley#eddie diaz#911 buck#911 eddie#brad torrence#buddie#911 buddie#they should've just had that man's last scene be when he passed out after the plane rescue#there is literally no purpose for him anymore#and it doesn't help that now he's just a straight up asshole#i'm sorry#but you can't show that man make a poor waitress cry and expect me to be okay with him still being on my screen#and I don't care what kind of conversation he has with eddie#because eddie should be having them with BUCK#you know?#the guy he sat on the couch drinking a beer with after being caught in his underpants?#thursday's episode better have been a fluke#because if this show goes two for two then I'm gonna get concerned
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more headcanons about sebastian solace from the hit game pressure roblox
back on my bullshit and i promise i only talk about The Situation a little bit
☆ his third arm is more sensitive than the other two (i'm thinking that either the USHD doctors fucked something up during the operation OR it grew in wrong, nerve endings closer to the epidermis and whatnot, something like that)
☆ just hates being touched in general, he’d rather initiate that contact (need an update where he gently —> not very gently shakes expendables off (depending on whether and how much they’ve annoyed/flashbanged him) when they climb him) ☆☆ part of this is due to trauma, he cant trust anyone to touch him without hurting him ☆☆ the other part is that he’s got that fucking dawg in him (i’ll get to this in a second)
☆ unlike what his new voice lines are starting to suggest about his character (i’m not gonna talk about zerum again because i think everyone knows what's happening at this point and ive already thrown in my two cents) he does NOT hate the expendables. literally his first line upon meeting him in his shop has him calling himself your friend (as strained of a connection as it may be, he could very easily not offer items, not share documentation/info, and just take the expendables data and hoard anything he picks up to make it harder for them to get to the crystal) (like yes, it's a mutually beneficial relationship but if sebastian didn't care about or sympathize with the expendables to some extent, it wouldn't be). i really do think he just has a short fuse (i'm not going to bring up trauma again, however-) and says things he doesn't mean (e.g. “they deserved it. and frankly so do the rest of you.��� (im coping with the mischaracterization of these new lines leave me alone)) as a means of protecting himself and pushing the expendables further away (both physically and emotionally)
☆ he’ll act like a brat once they’re done, but he lets younger expendables sleep in his shop (he cares about them but would never in a million years let them know that) ☆☆ if a younger one comes in with a bunch of adult expendables, he’ll treat them all the same but will secretly slip the younger one some extra batteries, gauze, something unnoticeable (he feels especially responsible for the younger male expendables cause they remind him of his little brother)
☆ sometimes he thinks he can hear his family's voices on the radio, just under all the static, calling out for him like a search party would. he used to cry over this but he almost got caught once by an expendable coming into the shop so he does his best to tune it out. it’s hard. guilt pulls at his stomach every time he hears a clip of his family, begging for him to come home, to respond, something, anything, and he ignores it.
☆ autism (cause i said so) - i'm including this one for the sole reason that he does the dinosaur thing with his third arm and generally keeps his hands clasped together in the secret dinosaur position (he just like me fr) ☆☆ hates bright lights (the only light he uses/allows in his shop is the one he emits) (its a very soft/warm hue as opposed to the bright fluorescents throughout the rest of the facility) (not to bring up the flash beacon, obviously nobody likes getting flashbanged and he's got angler eyes but sTILL)
☆ he used to hate eating fish (pre-op) and now he’s pissed cause it’s all he has available and the DNA changes made it so fish is the yummiest tastiest thing in the world (i like imagining him actively fighting the urge to eat whatever fish he’s cooked in one bite cause he refuses to acknowledge that he's changed on a level that isn't physical/appearance-based)
☆ calls grown adults “kiddo” (even the ones that are older than him) ☆☆ he gets a certain kind of joy from seeing the 40/50/60 year old expendables try to figure out just how old he is after they get called “kiddo”. it’s extra fun for him when they’ve clearly already heard the rumors and/or gotten a glimpse of his file
☆ the ring is just an accessory, a bracelet on the floor or in a locker he found and liked. assumed nobody was gonna claim it and kept it (shoutout to @/lotus.eaterr on tik tok for this one!!!!)
#light angst#sorry guys#sebastian solace#sebastian pressure#pressure roblox#i love calling it pressure roblox irl it's so funny for no reason#ok sorry i'm still hung up about the update and i NEED to yap#i genuinely don't care if he's married as a bit i think that's hilarious#but adding the ring and changing the dialogue and the animation he has with the ring just breaks immersion#ALSO#he's supposed to be sarcastic and sassy#not an asshole???#how do you mischaracterize your own character#that was mean i apologize#i'm just pissy cause i hate fandom discourse#especially when it's about something as dumb as this#but because it's gotten to the point that it's integrated into the game it feels unavoidable#also i totally forgot#they're a co-creator?????#why is she controlling everything about this character when there's like 5 other people who own him too#make it make sense#alright im done yapping about this forever goodbye
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have never had a fandom ruin a character for me as quickly as the dragon age fandom has ruined emmrich
#people are fr arguing that taash takes the position of a transphobe in that conversation with emmrich??? get fucked you freaks#'taash is a hipocrite bc they call emmrich a skullfucker but insist he calls them they/them pronouns' do you hear yourself#*hypocrite sorry i'm not retyping all that#i fully support taash actually i hope they bully him until he cries#i thought the emmrich girlies would be nice and the lucanis ones would be crazy but it's the other way around#it's like the worst of the gale fans and astarion fans joined forces to irritate the shit out of me#i am bringing him out way less this playthrough than last time because i associate him with assholes now#it sucks because i like his character a lot i just need space from him lmao#no offence emmrich mutuals i love you guys and your immeasurable swag
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more on michelin stars
I genuinely think it's going to be an important plot point in s3 re: why exactly Sydney wants a star and why *one* specifically. I went and researched and discovered something I used in my fic, which is that one Michelin star restaurants are excellent cuisine that normal people can still afford. And that connected, for me, to what Sydney had told Marcus about how going out was so special when she was a kid and she wanted to share that kind of amazing thing with people:
We didn't really like eat out a lot growing up, so when we did, it felt special even if it wasn't.... I wanna cook for people and make them happy and give them the best bacon on Earth (1x08)
I'm so hopeful/convinced that the research they have with, like, Matty (the chef who plays Fak) right there on set, means the writers know that about what one star places can be like. And that it's meant to be part of this - more humane vision of excellence for Sydney, where their spot is AMAZING, but it's not a cruel kitchen culture, it's not only for the rich.
For her, it’s *part* of her vision, where she says:
“I think this place could be so different from all the other places we've been at. But, in order for that to be true, we need to run things different.“ (1x03)
But Carmy sees a star and all it means (all he’s ever known it to mean) as a repudiation of that kind of humanity. You say the word "star" and immediately Carmy goes "fuck stars" (2x01) as pure self-defense - because stars are just pain and suffering to him. They're NYC chef and everything that mess became.
He's so traumatized by the whole thing he doesn't think to ask the right questions: why do you want one? What is your vision for it? Why do you specifically want *one* instead of two or three? What timeline do you have in mind for getting there and how can we strategize on this together?
Instead, because he wants so desperately to please her, despite that instinctive, self-defensive "fuck stars" he relents and asks - okay, are you sure? Are you positive this is what you want? Really?? It's terrible. It's just dread and fear and throwing up every day before work. You really want me to give you this?
(I’ll give you anything you want)
He never asks the right questions. Just assuming the level of pain which is his only experience of this is what the thing IS--playing into that theme about how people only know what they're taught, only know what they are given, and if we are given pain and patterns of it it is so hard to even imagine things can be different and, when you can imagine it, still so hard to actually get there.
(It’s not a coincidence that the ASL sign is one of the few positive, healthy examples of kitchen culture Carmy witnessed - we only know what we’re taught, and it can be hard work to even figure out what “not shitty” IS let alone doing it)
So he's assuming all of that and it's like - if she's his CDC, does she want him to push her as hard as he was pushed? Push himself that hard again? He doesn't want to do either of those things. But that's all he knows. And she keeps saying this is what she wants. And he wants to give her everything she wants.
(In the same conversation she kept saying yes, this is what I want, she expressed admiration for the designer chef outfit he later buys her as a gift - he wants to give her everything she wants, even when it seems like a terrible idea he’s torn about)
I think this misunderstanding is intentional and it’s going to come out in S3. A one star restaurant fits so perfectly with what we know of Sydney’s goals and love for her work! And Carmy not able to even conceive of something better because of the patterns he’s stuck in and finding his way to her vision makes sense for him.
I think Carmy figuring out how this work can be joyful and humane is going to be a huge part of S3. Sydney not becoming lost in the high stress environment, not following in younger!Carmy's footsteps living a life of pure drive and dread, and Carmy finding that for the first time.
I do think that, given where they both end in 2x10, there’s going to be a period of conflict and a real bunch of issues for both of them - but with themes and ideas like this seeded into the story there’s so many ways to make s3 start out in a bad way and then really end in joy in a beautiful way?
#the bear#sydney adamu#carmen berzatto#sydcarmy#carmen x sydney#the bear meta#my meta#annnnd i'm back to my point that#this show would be utterly miserable and not enjoyable for me personally to watch#without sydney#because like.... she keeps having vision in ways#that this partnership needs#on his own he can't see the way to climb out of the dark hole he's lived his whole life in#and (Sorry i am quoting this verse in a strictly literary sense not preaching LOL) 'where there is no vision the people perish'#the show without sydney (as some reddit assholes seem to want...) is a short season about one guy's awful breakdown that time he tried to#bury his grief in fixing up the family restaurant#and had a breakdown after max 6 months#and then nat sold the place for them both#for both their wellbeing#to like - keep ONE brother alive#looking at it in fairy tale terms#(not my expertise but lemme try for a sec)#the restaurant is also the family#and they're under a kind of curse?#curse of the past#the awful patterns#carmy is under a curse#and sydney is the person#who is able to walk in#and break that
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Me if I see someone portraying Mike as "dumb" once again today:
No but in all seriousness, I really can't with that anymore. Yes I know it's canon that he has bad to awful grades (in season 4 at least), but y'all. He had more important things to deal with.
Like, maybe, his literal best friend since he's 5 years old and his first girlfriend moving out of town. (I'm not even going to talk about everything he has going on about his sexuality and figuring out who he is, and also, by the way , if you forgot about it, his fucking depression--)
Do you guys not remember ST1? Or ST2?? Did y'all forget how much of a science and english nerd he his, how fucking incredibly smart all of the party is??? That's literally one of the main reasons why they were bullied in the first place???? Hello??
Mike's smart as fuck. Stop treating him like a literal idiot who can't even count to ten just because he's oblivious to Will's feelings for him (which, oh how surprising, is probably because he has no idea that Will is gay and most likely doesn't believe himself worthy of his love) and because of that stupid C in Spanish. C isn't even such a bad grad, especially for a teenager who's dealing with fucking supernatural shit, and confusing feeling, AND depression. Because YES, Mike is depressed, and NO, I will not argue with anyone about it because if you can't see it then we're clearly not watching the same show.
Anyway.
All of this to say, please, for the love of the universe, stop making Mike an idiot. I might actually cry if I see more of this bullshit.
Thank you for reading my rant, hope you're having a fucking nice time.
#(can you tell I just read something that made me fucking mad)#(and instead of being an asshole to the author i decided to be the bigger person and make my own post about it??)#(can you feel the anger that's vibrating in my whole damn body???)#( anyway )#(sorry about that)#mike wheeler analysis#mike wheeler is a smart guy#really really smart actually#mike wheeler is my son and i love him very much#mike wheeler characterisations#mike wheeler#stranger things#stranger things 4#(putting this 'cause they were literally hitting at his depression as a parallel to Max's)#(with the bad grades thing)#mike wheeler is depressed#mike wheeler deserves a hug#and I'm mad again#ughhhh#alright i'll shut up now
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I'm very tired of hearing the "why doesn't Kingdom Hearts cater to ME, a person who doesn't want to have to care about it. Kingdom Hearts should stop rewarding the people who are deeply emotionally invested in it and should instead care only about Me, Casual Fan who only wants to give a shit every 5-10 years or so, what about MY feelings" argument. Jesus fucking Christ. It's been 22 years. Suck it up and go play a Halo then.
#Christ Almighty#i almost had a physical fight with someone at a convention over this topic TEN ENTIRE YEARS AGO#I could not go ten feet in my Saix cosplay at a convention from like 2009-2019 without encountering like#MULTIPLE smug grinning chucklefucks making comments about the 'side games' all goddamn day everywhere i went#literally came this close to throwing down with the final one at like 10 pm on my way back to my hotel room#(I'm exaggerating about the physical fight thing but my friends did wrestle me off the elevator because i was about to tear that guy-#-absolutely a new asshole about 'haha every game since kh2 was stupid and bad I'm so smart for thinking so'#*)#they're always the SMUGGEST about how smart they are for being 'above' caring about the handheld games#sorry they feature women actually doing things and make you feel stupid but skill issue#God forbid you should have to care about Xion and Aqua and Namine and also use your brain
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hysterical actually that in the macbeth references I keep making in my veilguard playthrough because of who I am as a person I would apologize but we all know I'm going to be like this again, the parallel I'm primarily setting up seems to be for solas to be the lady macbeth to rye's macbeth. I mean. not entirely inaccurate in some essential ways I suppose fdsjahf. geez. you push on a man a teeny tiny bit for your own purposes, and suddenly when you turn your back on him for a second he's in in blood stepped in so far that, should he wade no more, returning were as tedious as go o��er. oopsie. you Unleashed something there and you can't stuff it back in its cage now the tiger is free.
(solas' whole 'aren't you proud of what you've achieved? did you think you would gain everything while losing nothing? implicit: you ignorant child who hasn't realized how the world works, like I've had to' spiel when he stuffs you into the regret prison does have big lady m 'my hands are of your colour, but I shame to wear a heart so white *proceeds to go mad from guilt and kill herself while macbeth becomes a specter of ruthless violence*' hubris energy.)
#there are no actual shipping vibes between solas and rye but there sure is SOME kind of unique and exquisite tension 4 sure#a Connection (derogatory)#not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing (be the serpent under it 4 be the serpent under it)#an intimacy of utter implacable hatred eventually <3#big differences too of course -- it's always felt significant to me in the play that the macbeths never truly turn on each other#which like. I don't think rye is a danger to anyone BUT solas. all that murderous rage and paranoia goes towards one target#rather than spreading it liberally across all of scotland as it were lol#also I have much more sympathy for lady m for how much she couldn't have seen this one coming quite as it did#I mean it does escalate kind of quickly. you think you know a guy and then bam the thane of fife had a wife where is she now#meanwhile to solas I have only one thing to say and it's get wrecked asshole <3 (with love and affection. from me not rye)#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#solas#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#Dynamic: That my keen knife see not the wound it makes#this might be some of the most on my bullshit I have ever been. you're welcome/I'm so sorry
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you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.
you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.
so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.
you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.
you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.
you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.
you know you broke the rule by interacting.
but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.
#before i maybe get yelled at:#1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even#though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism#2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them#3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have#encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in#nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally#about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person.#4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces#and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too.#5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided#tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla#6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things.#7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl#i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know?#8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this#nyarla dni#<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks#adding this wayy later but a crucial part of the experience i Almost talked about it this but never explicitly did was that like#the measures ppl take to 'defend against men' are often deeply transmisogynistic as well. obviously#and when i see that it hurts me too. not that it hits me the same way when strangers assume im a trans woman and hate me for it#but it doesn't feel good to see transphobia at all. i focused on how that relates to other kinds of transphobia#namely transandrophobia here but like. it's all connected. lesbain separatism + exclusionism relies on both and they aren't always#distinct experiences. ime. anyway trans ppl i love all of you forever#i just thought me writing “*turns to the camera* and trans women exp this too.' wouldve been too much even for this post#i figured the audience would like. know that. and so far it hasn't been an issue. i have not been yelled at thanks guys 🫶
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if i reply to a quote retweet you made and your first thought is "oh this is that guy that this friend of mine made fun of before but i don't even know him, i should use that in-joke here lol kek" i think you may have something wrong with you if you just go straight to that. just no restraint at all huh
#''there's like 15 cardiacs fans and they all know each other'' well then i fucking hate the cardiacs as a band then. never listened to them#but i don't care anymore. i don't have to try something to know i won't like it especially when an ex friend has soured it#i guess sometimes my life is just a series of lose-lose situations but hey im still fuckin kicking. im stull breathing and living#blah blah blah im just gonnashut up who the fuck cares. hahah ahhaahah ''fautfur undertones'' ooheheheheheheh i'll DRAW MTYSELF ON A THRONE#TO MAKE FUN OF HIM FOR SAYING THAT#HAHAAH I'M SOOOO OCOOOOL fucking asshole. okay enough of this sorry guys back to your regularly scheduled posting of whatever the hell i li
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Am i the asshole for spamming my best friend of 4 years with video calls and messages at midnight only to tell them some dumb shit I did?
Me M14 and my best friend N14 have been friends for a shit ton of time since we met at the age of 10 when I (WITHOUT MY WILL!!) moved into a new town with my mom.
Recently I have went to claires to buy an fake nose piercing without my mom knowing , after months of wearing it in secret my fucking Claire's septum ripped some of my nose because of the bitchass shitty metal and magnets it had .
I decided that I will take action and I bought an piercing kit from some shady website .(not an good idea)
At like 12 am I somehow pierced myself with the shitty piercing kit that wasn't probably even professional and shit went WILD!!
I originally always have wanted an big septum since it's really neat but I didnt think before piercing myself.
I cleaned my nose a bit and shoved the bit septum in my nose,which definitely wasn't an good idea because you're supposed to have an small septum at first and not like one that's bigger than the usual.
I found out only after doing so.
I immediately started spamming my best friend and tried calling them,together with video calling only to get reminded that this bitch never responds to calls!!!
After about half a hour or even more Idon't even know , they picked up so I quickly explained what the heck is going on and they at first LAUGHED IN MY FACE however after calming down they finally registered in their small ass brain that my mom doesn't know shit about any of this!!
I convinced them to somehow hide my ass and cover it for the next few months so my mom doesn't beat my ass or something , alot of my other friends have told me that I've gone completely insane and that I'm a asshole.
So really, am I the asshole for doing so?
#our life: now and forever#oc#our life#olnf mc#our life mc#nikolai niko mikhai#qiu lin#i'm sorry guys I had to#reddit#am i the asshole#am i the problem?#lmaooo
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vent ⬇️
#oc#I was out drinking last night for my fiancee's birthday and this guy was talking to us and I stopped and took a picture with him#because he said he was gonna give us free tacos from his taco truck#so I'm like posing with him outside the truck and he puts his arm around me and grabs my ass#and he reached up my shorts and put his finger in my fucking asshole#and I let him touch me for like 30 seconds while my fiancee was standing right there because I was drunk and I just fucking froze#literally didn't stop him until he was inside me#and THEN I freaked out and started crying and ruined the night#I just feel like a total piece of shit#I'm such a worthless fucking idiot#I'm sorry I don't know why im posting this here I just feel like I have more of a community here so. if anyone's experienced#something similar and/or you have any words of support I'd really appreciate hearing from you#I'm not in a good place I think I'm overreacting because of csa trauma#idk
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Do you know another language besides English and Morse code? What about sign language? Because you know... haven't you ever been with a mute or deaf contestant?
"Oh, I know how to speak Spanish and Filipino"
No, not really, he once said "soy un bigote y un perro" and thought he called himself handsome and dashing. He's trying his best?
"As for a mute or deaf contestant, my friend Jexie played the game before! I fixed her voice to help her speak. But ever since I met her I started learning sign language just in case. I'm not good at it yet."
#He's an asshole guys I'm sorry BAHAHAHA#gameshow host wally#game show host wally#welcome home#wally darling#welcome home au#welcome home wally#wally welcome home#welcome home fandom#wally darling welcome home#welcome home wally darling
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Do you have any Zhongli/Zhongchi fic recs? I haven’t found any that are nearly as good as yours 😔😔
funnily enough someone already asked this, but it was quite a while ago and tumblr is a mess to search old shit thru so here, this is the post this was asked during the ao3 crisis of- .......last year? i can't remember. either way, the post starts w me saying i don't have all the names and links but dw, after ao3 came back up i edited the post so you should see all authors and links in the recs.
i have to admit that for reasons unrelated to the fandom i haven't been reading many zhongchi fics as of late? so like- bear in mind i don't have an updated mental picture of any of the recs after the post was made. so if one went off the rails or if one of the WIPs finished, i'm not aware;; i also mention in the post that i'd add more recs if i had access to ao3 (which i didn't at the time bc it was down), and while that is true, it's been so long since i read any of them that i wouldn't be able to confidently reccomend them outside of 'i somewhat remember the plot and i remember liking it'. also i don't remember half of their names. so uh- yeah that's the list i think
#also there are plenty of fics that i'd have loved to recomend but that ended up either going off the rails towards the end or that just-#left me disappointed#complete tanget but what is it with people making holy angst and then completely missing the point of said angst#as in#the resolution they give to the angst is sometimes more infuriating than anything#like by that point i'm rooting to have no resolution LMAO#which is why angst resolution is always like my n°1 concern in my fics#last thing i want is for the angst to be super good and then for the resolution to leave y'all like-#that's it?#not in the sense of payoff for the angst#but in the way the issues brought up by the angst get handled#i don't want to point fingers obviously i'm not that much of an asshole#but i vividly remember a fic that set up childe being bullied horribly by a bunch of adults for something that was outside of his control#and that he couldn't have possibly known#and so he just flees bc i mean poor guy i'd flee as well. plus they backed him into a corner with no other way out#like- think public proposal except childe didn't even know he was dating zhongli. and when he was confused about it#all the onlookers started berating him for being stupid#which like- it's one thing being dense. and it's another thing being unable to communicate w eachother (this was zl's fault)#anyway. so he flees. the resolution to the angst is him getting dragged (against his will) back to liyue and zhongli just saying#sorry i forgot to say i loved you please never leave idk what i'd do without you#and like off-camera he did almost kill the 'onlookers' that bullied childe#but like#that's it#there's no further apologies from everyone; childe retains no issues from a highly traumatic event (it was portrayed that way);#everything is solved by zl saying actually i love you if you leave i'm gonna be depressed forever#like????????????????????????#obviously i'm being very vague about it#that's not exactly how it goes in the fic#don't want to throw hate at it the rest of it was really good#it just left me with a growing dread of 'this isn't going to be handled well by the author isn't it' as it went on
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