#I'm always up for talking about fictional portrayals of trauma

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Mysterious Lotus Casebook and Complex PTSD Representations: Part I

One of my favorite things about Mysterious Lotus Casebook is how surprisingly nuanced and unusual its portrayal of complex PTSD is. So many shows either introduce character trauma to make the character Sad and Brooding, Angry and Violent (if they’re a villain) or Hesitant to Start a Relationship (if it’s a romance), and that’s usually as in-depth as it gets. If they address the unique after effects of child abuse that lead to complex PTSD at all, it’s usually either explain why a character is a homicidal monster (which is all sorts of problematic) or it’s limited to a single phobia, which can be overcome by the Power of Love, or it’s just something that crops up occasionally for Plot and then forgotten about the rest of the time. 

Mysterious Lotus Casebook gives us two deeply traumatized characters–Li Lianhua and Di Feisheng–who each have clear symptoms of complex PTSD, and yet, their cPTSD manifests completely differently because of the types of traumas that caused it and their relationships to the people causing the traumas. And their manifestations of cPTSD affect just about every level of their being, including their sense of self, their decision-making, and their relationships with others, and it includes some of the incredibly important manifestations of cPTSD that are almost never shown in media while avoiding the most insulting stereotypes! 

PTSD vs cPTSD

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is an anxiety disorder caused by experiencing a single (or short lived) traumatic event (an accident, assault, medical emergency, fighting in a war, etc), where the symptoms last for longer than a month. Symptoms include things like reexperiencing the event (flashbacks), avoidance (of things related to the event), changes in mood (depression, anger, fear, etc), and issues with emotional regulation (hypervigilance–being constantly on the lookout for threats–irritability/angry outbursts, etc.).

Complex PTSD happens if someone has experienced long term, chronic/repeated trauma that induces hopelessness and no chance of escape (survivors of extended child abuse, human trafficking, domestic violence, prisoners of war, slavery, etc.). It’s also often interpersonal in ways a car crash or medical emergency is not, and is particularly linked with chronic trauma during childhood: chronic stress hormones introduce literal physical changes in a growing brain, particularly the amygdala (which processes fear), hippocampus (which is responsible for learning/memory), and the prefrontal cortex (which is responsible for executive function), so it can affect every aspect of life and also affect a child’s progression through developmental stages. In addition to these physical changes to the brain, the prolonged trauma–particularly the helplessness–distorts a child’s sense of self, the perpetrator, and the world in ways that alter their decision making, their memory, and their future relationships. 

For instance, whereas a traumatic event that caused PTSD might make you depressed or not trust the person who harmed you (or to fear driving), the trauma from cPTSD might make you suicidal, blame yourself for your victimization, decide to isolate to avoid interpersonal relationships to keep from getting hurt, or become obsessed with never being harmed again.

Basically, cPTSD has the core symptoms from PTSD with some extra challenges, including issues with emotional regulation, self-concept, interruptions in consciousness, difficulties with relationships, perceptions of the perpetrator, and systems of meaning.

DFS and LLH: CPTSD Symptoms

There’s so much more to say about this than I can cover in this superficial introduction, so this will be the first of a series of metas; I’m hoping to go into more depth about some of these categories in future posts (the DFS and emotional regulation/violence one is already drafted, so stay tuned). 

Difficulties with Relationships (problems with trust, communication, missing red flags): Both DFS and LLH have a history of trusting the wrong people and not trusting the right people, both in the past and in the present of the show: in the past, LLH missed the fact that SGD hated him and DFS missed the fact that JLQ was obsessed with him, and as a result, both sects were destroyed, many people died, and the two almost destroyed each other. If they had communicated with each other instead of fighting at the donghai battle, they might have realized they were being set up and could have worked together, but their difficulties with trust after perceived betrayal made that impossible for them. They both have a history of overlooking red flags in the present–DFS in particular, keeping the red-flag-personified-JLQ around despite her history of poisoning people, including himself–and they both tend to struggle with relationships in the present: LLH runs away from and/or drugs the people who care about him, and DFS sends endless mixed messages by not telling Li Lianhua most of his plans to help him. 

Self-Concept (Self-hatred and self-fragmentation): Li Lianhua is basically the poster child for having a negative self concept: he has an overdeveloped sense of self-blame and responsibility, even believing he deserves to die for leading his men to their deaths, and once he learns he was manipulated and SGD was behind it all, he seems to think it’s his own fault that he was manipulated, lied to, and abused. His self-loathing is so extreme that he imagines his earlier self, Li Xiangyi, to have died, and tries as much as possible to be nothing like that earlier persona. His repeated insistence that Li Xiangyi and Li Lianhua are NOT the same person is reminiscent of the fragmentary sense of self that comes with more extreme trauma, like Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) or Other-Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD), where traumatic experiences are so painful that people form different alters, or differentiated self-states, that can have different names and skills and memories and identities. 

Di Feisheng doesn’t have the self-hatred or guilt that LLH does, and it seems like he tries to skip over questions of self worth, blame, or hatred by focusing exclusively on staying true to his code of ethics he’s developed for himself and focusing on gaining the strength necessary to fight for his freedom from mind control and the Di Fortress. But even though he’s kept his Di name, kept his goals the same since escaping Di Fortress, and hasn’t tried to separate himself from his trauma the way LLH did with LXY, he’s even more willing than LLH to take on different identities: it’s literally one of his martial arts skills. The Bone Constriction Skill lets him become someone else for a time, whether that’s a child or Shi Hun. It fits well with his willingness to be whoever he needs to be to accomplish his goals: he’s perfectly willing to be seen as a heartless villain if it lets him protect LLH, and he’s willing to flirt with and pretend to be jealous of JLQ to get information from her, and he’s willing to be LLH’s a-Fei, both with and without his memories.

Interruptions in Consciousness (Amnesia and nightmares for Everyone): LLH and DFS both have nightmares and flashbacks/memories of traumatic events, and as mentioned above, both have interesting hints of having fragmented/fluid senses of self. They both also dissociate, or separate themselves from the present when dealing with traumatic things:  LLH spaces out and gets stuck in his past memories about SGD when talking to FDB after burying SGD, and DFS dissociates from physical pain so as not to make noise both after he’s been stabbed and poisoned with Wuxin Huai and again when JLQ is torturing him in her water dungeon.

They both also have dissociative amnesia that takes away trauma memories, although one is from a poisonous incense plus the magic of qi macgyvering:  LLH forgot the existence of his older brother who died in front of him, and DFS as a-Fei had just about all of his memories (except a few of killing as a child) taken away. Amnesia is a huge part of cPTSD, because it’s the brain’s way of trying to protect you from truths that you might not survive. It can manifest as blocking out one single traumatic event, a bunch of thematically or temporally linked traumatic events, a skill set related to the trauma, or, in the case of something like DID or OSDD, just about everything. It’s endlessly fascinating to me that the show gives us one example of definite traumatic amnesia through LLH, and then seems to almost transform the experience of having DID and being a new part and finding yourself with a new name and very little else into an exaggerated fantasy setting (interestingly, people often report experiencing debilitating headaches when they try to regain memories behind the amnesia barrier). I doubt this is what they were actually going for, since DID is almost universally portrayed incorrectly and offensively in media (one of the alters is almost always portrayed as a serial killer, but that’s a rant for another day), but the different names and the presence of amnesia with LLH made it a fascinating enough parallel that I had to mention it.

 Problems with Emotional Regulation (Lashing in vs. lashing out): Li Xiangyi and Di Feisheng are polar opposites when it comes to struggles with emotional regulation: whereas LXY turns his anger inward, directing it all toward self-hate in what’s often called a “toxic shame spiral,” both after the donghai battle and after he finds out about SGD’s role in his shifu’s death, DFS lashes out physically at those who have harmed him, usually via choking people, although he is usually exerting an impressive amount of control over his emotions and strength. To put in perspective just how different their emotional strategies are and how much effort DFS puts into emotional regulation, compare how much more calm he is than LLH during any revelation of past betrayal or painful information, any scene where they confront the people who have abused them, or any scene where they learn they’ve been wrong about something big; LLH is most likely having an emotional flashback (re-experiencing the emotions from the earlier traumas) and DFS is probably compartmentalizing them or dissociating from them to process later/never so he can stay semi-functional and not show a potential opponent a weak spot. 

NOTE: This means that DFS is loooong overdue for a very dramatic breakdown when it eventually all catches up to him and he can’t distract himself from it anymore.

Perceptions of Perpetrators: In this way only, Di Feisheng has one advantage: he knows the head of Di Fortress is a cruel, abusive tyrant. While he clearly still fears him, even as a physically strong adult (he has nightmares, flashbacks, and dedicates his life to being free from him, which means he still to some extent feels young, small, and helpless when he thinks of him), DFS knows that he hates him and wants to be free of him. This is probably part of why he’s spared some of the self-hatred LLH experiences: he knows he didn’t deserve the abuse because seeing it happen to other children means he knows the abuse wasn’t a personal reflection on him. It does, however, motivate him to want to be stronger and invulnerable so as to never be helpless again, and that obsession is what drives him to have a single-minded focus on reaching the pinnacle of the jianghu.  

It’s so much more complicated for Li Lianhua (and for a more detailed analysis, check out this meta): the childhood perpetrators were manifold–a slew of bandits, whichever children and adults on the street would abuse him for existing and being poor–it probably felt like life itself was to blame. It’s no wonder that when his shifu and shiniang took him in, they were the ultimate rescuers whom he hero-worshipped, so when he felt he made a mistake and his life fell apart, he blamed himself: at least there would be someone to blame that way and something he could do about it (try to kill his past self and hate everything about him). It’s also very telling that LLH doesn’t blame JLQ or YBQ all that much when he learns they poisoned him, and that he’s more angry that SGD murdered their shifu than he is that SGD set him up, hated him, and was the real mastermind behind everything he had blamed himself for; he struggles to stay angry at people who harm him, and would rather blame and hate himself for being tricked than hate the person who tricked him. So, whereas DFS tries to destroy the people who abused him, LLH tries to destroy himself.

If you read this far, thanks! I’m probably going to be posting the DFS and emotional regulation/violence against perpetrator meta next, because it’s drafted, but if there are any of these you desperately want me to talk about more sooner rather than later, let me know! :D 

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Could you please explain what is ableist about Zur-En-Arrh? (Not trying to be a dick, I genuinely don’t know.)

Ok so this is my best explanation:

a lot of batman villains are neurodivergent or mentally ill in a way that has the mental illness or neurodivergence be responsible for their evil. like... two face is evil because his face got scarred and now he has two personalities*, one of which wants to hurt people and do bad things and the other of which is good harvey dent. the ventriloquist has schizophrenia and his 'evil side' is manifested in a puppet he uses to kill people. joker is crazy so he's evil**

now bruce is responsible for all of these awful things because he has an alternate personality. we have an equivalent of a real world neurodivergence and that is specifically responsible for bruce's evil acts. if he was neurotypical, he wouldn't have done that.

it creates a narrative that pathologizes evil (treats it as something as a result of a sickness) and stigmatizes people in the real world who may have the same neurodivergences or mental illnesses as the characters. like there are so many stereotypes about schizophrenia or psychosis or DID due to ableist tropes in fiction that people hear about it and automatically assume whoever has it must be dangerous, which often justifies bad treatment against them.

I see some fans say like "Oh well Bruce/batfam members are still mentally ill so its not bad" but often they mistake their headcanons for canon (like. AFAIK no batfam member has a diagnosed mental illness in main continuity comics, and many portrayals in terms of depression/trauma vary based on writer) or act as if all mental illnesses and neurodivergences are stigmatized equally. the characters being traumatized but still able to function in accordance with the demands of neurotypical society doesn't mean that the writers doesn't mean that the writers aren't portraying various more stigmatized mental illnesses or neurodivergences badly.

*yes i know there are stories re-telling it as 'he was always going to wind up as two face'/connecting it to childhood abuse and anger, and IIRC one tec story treated the big bad harv as someone who protected harvey... but like. i'm talking about the basic set up of his character and how he is used in many stories

**i'm a bigger fan of stuff where joker's not really treated as crazy but like.... many writers lean into that

[fractualized]

hi I sent that last ask and I appreciate you so much. I love how chill you are. I love that you speak up and aren't afraid of others people's opinions of you -- because you talking about that helps me realize exactly what you were talking about about.

my critical online space that shaped my brain was Tumblr growing up, much in the same way reddit or 4chan or anything else was for others, and as positive as it was and as much as I stay here, there were some HEAVY years of thought policing and performing perfectly at all times and I really think it fucked with my head!

not to trauma dump, but the way it related to starting off by policing each other in fandom just happened to spill into every other aspect of my life too. every thing is black and white. every interaction is perfect or you are flawed and not worth anything at all. people literally judging you off stupid fandom shit behind a fake name dressed up in sparkles and curiosity was enough to call you a monster who deserved to be alone. the fuck??

from fandom cops telling me that portrayals of fictional characters in my head were an actual meter that we can base if we're deserving of human connection made me think about what ELSE could be important. aren't there things a little more pressing than fictional characters?? the words I use. the way I behave. move my face. micro express, leave pauses in sentences, judged by everything! I've been taught that the LITTLEST OF INDICATIONS OF HUMANITY were going to be the death of me. I couldn't exist. all because of fictional themes that creators are allowed to make, but fans are not allowed to enjoy unless it's the "right way". even though the people CREATING it are also exploring it. rules for thee but not for me.

it's gross. I felt like a monster and when the only other people who are kind to you are monsters, it really makes you wonder why fandom cops find themselves so much morally superior to others 👹

People have told me I'm chill before and I'm always like, "excellent, they can't tell I'm yelling on the inside." 😂

Sometimes I wonder if I would be different if the show Heroes hadn't ended as such a clusterfuck. And by that I mean that my experience with that show ended on such a sour note, I wound up drifting away from fandom for 5-ish years. And it wasn't because of the Heroes fandom itself! It was because by the end I was hate-watching the show, and that kind of headspace is just no good. I wasted too much energy being mad at something that wasn't going to improve, and my other fandom interests weren't strong enough for fic, etc. I still lurked here and there, but otherwise I focused on life stuff.

At the point I left, tumblr was popular but I was still a livejournal (and journalfen) holdout. As a result, I was simply absent during the most intense tumblr years. I have a general idea of what it was like from everyone's descriptions, but from my point of view, five years passed, Telltale Batman: the Enemy Within came a-calling, I started writing fic again, and uhhhhh things sure were different.

Not entirely for the worse. For one thing, as someone who unavoidably grew older, yeah, I do keep in mind that there are children running around these parts. The increased focus on tagging your work is also good, so people can avoid what they don't want to see. And it's just always been a good general rule to be mindful when getting into sensitive topics, and I was seeing more of that.

Buuuuuuuut yeah, with that it seemed like "don't like; don't read" was out, and witch hunting was in. Some slight mistake might indicate you were actually one of the Bad Ones all the long! And everyone must know! I mean, there's always been fandom police, but fandom's mainstreamification definitely made it worse for a host of reasons. And I actually was unnerved by it for a while, even though the Enemy Within finale had me indulging in fluff. I was probably safe-- but then again who knows what blunder or improper deference to a sensitive subject could bring a swarm of strangers!

But eventually I was fluffed out, and chatting batjokes with people was giving me new ideas that would have me explore and indulge in (gasp) darker ideas. And by that point I was just like, I'm a freaking adult. I tag my shit. I'm here to have a good time with people I like, not worry about a bunch of randos who probably get as much anxiety making a cold call as I do. And yeah, why are fans supposed to be judged on a different metric than the creators?? I'm going to do what I want!

And with that rallying cry… I mean, nothing ever happened. 😂 Not the first time I've built up worries in my head for nothing.

I can see it taking me longer to get to that point if I'd fully marinated in the thought policing, though. I think people get that instinct because of the age-old lack of control elsewhere in life (especially nowadays, with all the… everything). Surely if someone can get everyone in their orbit to behave in just this way, then at least things there will be okay. Nothing bad will happen! (It's not as if rigid mindsets hurt people and their relationships, or performatively good people still do atrocious things. No, surely not.)

I don't have a good closing, so here's an Reno 911 icon from the old days:

[graceshouldwrite]

Make 4 "Annoying" Tropes Work (Ideas)

These four tropes almost ALWAYS top the "most annoying tropes" list, but they're also quite useful plot-wise (and can definitely be done originally), and realistic.

For example, certain people DO just seem more "destined" to do something than others, some stories are just better served without parental interference, other characters may not have the personalities they do without having a traumatic backstory, and love triangles do happen in real life. These tropes are simple ways to take care of certain plot holes without spending too much time developing something that's not integral to the main plot.

While there obviously are a lot of different ways to SUBVERT these tropes, this post is specifically about fresh directions you can take the original tropes.

1. Chosen One

Character APPRECIATES being the Chosen One, enthusiastically trying to fulfil their role instead of the typical "oH nO wHy Me" response that lots of Chosen Ones give at first. (IMO, lots of people would appreciate a call to a cool adventure + being labelled "different" or "special"—in the good way—in real life...)

Turns out, character is only "Chosen" for a very specific role, and still depends on the help of many allies -> this could present the theme that you don't have to be specifically "DESTINED" for something to make an impact, and that you definitely don't have to be the Chosen One (or anything like that IRL) to be a hero!

2. Dead Parents

Instead of dead parents = material for throwaway "oh yeah [trauma dump]" joke, or something the character occasionally thinks of, or even worse, something that's mentioned nonchalantly and NEVER BROUGHT UP AGAIN, let it have an impact. For example:

the character emulates (subconsciously or not) attributes/habits of their parents that they "inherited"; e.g. character = as optimistic as late father, or character twirls hair when nervous like late mother

the character dreams/thinks of them a lot

the character cares for others in a parental way to make sure that their friends feel safe and comforted in a way that they didn't

this way, you can still have dead parents for plot convenience WHILE portraying different ways characters might move on from or cope with the event

Also, a variety of parents! Parents don't all fall into either "overly nice" or "abusive" (contrary to lots of fictional portrayals). They can be lenient but firm, strict in a specific sense (e.g. academically, focused on appearance), dealing with their own trauma, thrill-seekers who like bringing their kids along, etc. Characters can remember things about their parents that AREN'T 100% perfect or 100% evil. Writers love moral ambiguity nowadays, so apply this to parents as well. This goes for living parents, too!

3. Tragic Backstory

**NOTE: I'm mainly addressing tragic backstory -> character = broody or angsty or evil trope!

Character goes through lots of stuff -> comes out kinder and more empathetic as a result, caring + reaching out to others even MORE! This is the reality for many people who experience screwed-up stuff. The idea that all people who've gone through traumatic events turn into disturbed, isolated, or morally twisted members of society is EXTREMELY misleading and only stigmatizes unpacking trauma. Of course, portrayals of people who deal with trauma destructively are fine, but seeing it all the time can be exhausting and unrealistic, making it all the more annoying of a trope. Instead, maybe...

Show people HEALTHILY processing trauma!!! For example, characters talking out their trauma with each other is a great showcase of character development as well as a realistic depiction of the healing process. Maybe they learned to continue being vulnerable + trusting their friends despite what happened to them. Maybe they've regained their confidence, knowing that how others treat them does NOT define their worth. So many ideas can be found simply by observing people around you, or by reading about people's lives.

4. Love Triangle

PERSONAL reasons WHY characters A and B like C, not just because C is attractive, etc. This doesn't apply just to love triangles but to romantic plots in general.

The main complaint I've seen against love triangles is that the centre of it (usually the protagonist) is this perfect Mary Sue/Gary Stu who's just gorgeous (usually doesn't know it), has a 190 IQ, is good at literally everything, etc. etc. Your love triangle centre will 100% have at least one redeeming quality, but think of other reasons why they're pursued! Love is about so much more than having an amazing appearance, intelligence, talent, etc.

IMO, this is pretty well done in the anime/manga Death Note, where *SPOILER ALERT* a girl named Misa has a massive crush on the protagonist, because he basically exacted vigilante justice against the armed robber who killed her parents. There's not really a canon love triangle, but it's just a good example of a personal reason for a crush. Sure, the protagonist is extremely smart and handsome, but that was not relevant at all to why Misa began liking him. Instead, she'd never even met/seen him before. (That's all you need to know—too much explaining to do otherwise!)

Back to OUR example, maybe C hung out with A when A was a social outcast at school or work, and they developed a friendship with A's life being brightened through C reaching out and helping them through tough times. Maybe C is super talented at playing an instrument, and B attended many performances featuring C and felt inspired—artistically, or other—by C's music. Let your imagination run wild :D

Next idea: PROPER COMMUNICATION. Let's go back to characters A, B, and C. Suppose C chooses B over A—C should properly let A know that they're not interested for whatever reason, and make clear to B that C wants to further the relationship.

A love triangle is inherently more complicated than a romantic plot involving only two people: it's all the turmoil between two people, MULTIPLIED. Communication is even more important here because an external person's emotions are also on the line!!!

∘₊✧────── ☾☼☽ ──────✧₊∘

instagram: @ grace_should_write

At this point, I've accepted the fact that my posts are often dense and long...haha...

Sorry about sporadic posts this week. I had my ARCT piano exam (I put it off for like 3 years due to COVID, and it bit me in the ass because hanging out with the same 6 pieces for 3 years made me want to jump off a bridge)—I barely practiced my pieces regularly, so I spent the 2 days before my exam practicing for 6 HOURS A DAY. I'm not kidding. This is what I get for not practicing even 2 hours a week for basically 1 year 😭

ALSOALSO! Trying to set up some things relating to a YT channel...might post stuff about it here :) First video will be out soon! And while we're doing all that, of course, I'm writing and gaming and just basically dabbling in everything I want to before college eats me alive. Shouldn't be gaming that much, tbh. Oh well.

As always, hope this was helpful, and let me know if you have any questions by commenting, re-blogging, or DMing me on IG! Any and all engagement is appreciated <3333

Happy writing, and have a great day,

- grace <3

[harrowscore]

Ship game you said? Eh eh. Let's go: ere//mika (or the ultimate meta on way you have so many problem with the pairing) and,to compensate the bitter with the sweeter:riva/mika. I'm particularly curious about this one because since there was the "levi ackermann" reveal almost nobody talk about their dynamic because "yikes,they could be cousin!11!1"

OH MY GOD I'M SO SORRY i left this ask to rot in my box and then forgot all about it I'M SO SORRY fellow salernitana i hope you can forgive me 😭😭😭😭😭

so... starting with why i don't ship e.remika (a serious understatement): it's a horrid potpourri of the tropes i most loathe in the world and that unfortunately seem prevalent in the shonen genre for. some reason i guess. my dislike of ~Girl Obsesses Over Boy (who doesn't care and/or seem to notice her feelings i may add) Until Boy *gasps* Loves Her Back (with no build-up whatsoever. it's all telling and not showing)~ knows no bound. (see also i.chihime from bleach) it's especially annoying to me if the girl has. no fucking goals or aspirations (and sometimes even IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIPS) that don't revolve around the boy, which is mikasa's case. to sum it all up... this dependency is okay (in fiction, i mean!) only if it comes from both sides. think of cathy & heathcliff (e.remika is like. the fucking discount badly written version of WH): both can't function without the other in an exquisitely destructive portrayal of obsession and codependency that borders on narcissism. so that's not healthy at all, like mikasa's love for eren, which is something that i'm not saying as a hater but that gets explicitly acknowledged in-universe with the intentional parallels with ymir the progenitor's '''love''' for king fritz (tho they make a pairing like, idk, joker/harley look like cutesy vanilla relationship goals, and em as straight up austenian romance lmao).

but, back to WH... it's SO well-written. mikasa instead is sadly dependent on eren to the point her entire character arc is about getting over him and moving on with her grief. that's insane, considering he - as the (male!) protagonist - obviously loves her, but he's got so much else to do, has actual goals which are the basis for the whole plot, and interesting, complex relationships with so many other characters. [yes, i said that he loves mikasa, tho i don't buy that he wanted to live with her in la Casetta In Canadà and forget the world because that's SO not eren; that's mikasa's dream, and it's shown as illusory wishful thinking for a reason. but while i think his romantic feelings were portrayed so badly it's kinda laughable ngl, it's always been obvious that he deeply cares for her. she and armin are the most important persons in his life, and idw to imply differently.] mikasa comes VERY close to have her own arc, independently from eren, but her character development seems to round in circles again. and again. and again. letting eren go - which is something that stems from the trauma-imprinting she had on him; she never elaborated her parents' death, and losing him too would mean losing them, feeling that pain, all over again - is something she's shown to do in the early episodes of s1, before eren even turns into a titan. but then we see her choose him over all else again, and then realizes that there are other important things and persons too (that time levi injured himself to save her because she was too focused on getting to her boy, remember?). and then the cycle repeats all over again to peak in the (admittedly tragic but extremely predictable) finale, where he's destroying the fucking world, almost killing her and all their friends, and she still hesitates over taking a fucking stand. she fights against the founder titan, yes, but she never openly condemns eren's actions, she never stands up to him like armin does. mikasa is shown as a strong, sometimes even defiant person to everyone else but eren (see how she gets with levi; especially in the manga, she contradicts him A Lot and doesn't give a shit about his scary reputation - her own is nearly as fearsome after all); she's very passive with him in a way that doesn't suit her. of course she loves eren, but armin loves him too and he fights back and doesn't take any of eren's shit when he insults them both, while mikasa just... stands there crying prettily, i guess. which brings me to the elephant in the room: it's armin who's actually the biggest influence on eren (the latter himself says it was armin showing him the book about the outside world that made him realise he wasn't free, just to list one example); it's to save him who eren sacrifices himself for, which then prompts his first transformation into the attack titan. they're narrative foils (tho the same could be said about him and reiner and to a lesser extent gabi), complementary opposites. he's so physically affectionate towards armin, especially if contrasted with his colder behaviour towards poor mikasa - okay, he's a bit of a tsundere, but one thing is saying that he represses his feelings actually, and another is showing it!

i know all about characters repressing and outright denying they feel something for their LI, believe me; i love emotionally stunted idiots who can't emote for shit (maybe because i am so emotional and feel things too deeply, i'm drawn to my opposite). but @ yams....... please...... have mercy on me, because that's Now How You Do It, and whoever says otherwise is delusional. if a female character from anything but a shonen/bordering on seinen anime got this kind of characterization there would be so much discourse, so many polarizing opinions, so much hate for the author. i'm not saying western media don't have a sexism problem - quite the contrary!! - but mikasa is. an especially bad case? i haven't seen one so bad in a long ass while, maybe because i'm used to consume media with (generally speaking) well-written female characters. like, c'mon. imagine if mikasa had been the female protagonist of a fantasy book series, or a tv show... oh god. and no, sorry but having her kick ass right and left doesn't make her a Strong Female Character actually. Feminism 101 is founded on women having a life outside their relationship with men, and. mikasa doesn't? not really? at least compared to other female characters in the series. yams made a half-decent job with them (tho giving that backstory to ymir the progenitor was. certainly A Choice, as it was sidelining historia and annie for so many chapters), which makes mikasa's static, repetitive, stale character arc really, really sad, because my girl had so much potential. i mean, even em as a pairing had so much potential! childhood friends turned to enemies, like, hello?? imagine if mikasa had got armin's complexity and relevance and a fucking life outside of eren, for god's sake. imagine if she loved him, really, but she repressed her feelings and wasn't so heavily dependent on him (or they both were. from the beginning), and still stood up to him and called him out on his bullshit without erasing her hidden vulnerability and fragility. imagine if their relationship was between equals and-- ah, imagine her getting a character development a la casca (without all the horrifying shit she endures and the 200 chapters long catatonia and sexualisation, tho, tyvm!!!), since isayama himself said she was the blueprint for mikasa - in general he was heavily inspired by berserk - and it shows because they're basically twins separate at birth *insert spiderman meme*. i mean, yams even said that the scene where eren saves mikasa from the slave traders was based on griffith rescuing casca and her imprinting on him instantly, and god does it show.

........... but then em would just be het e.remin, so. whatever. there's also mikasa's need to grow the fuck up, and for that she needs to see that her wishful thinking, her beliefs about ~Eren Loves Me So Much, He Can't Live Without Me!! even when he gives her the cold shoulder so many times, are wrong. that's how you write a character growing into adulthood: you challenge them, you show that the world is founded on a very different basis than what they believed. (see lucy from fallout - she's an adult but she's in a metaphorical infancy before getting out of her vault and a coming-of-age arc throughout much of the series.) if you reinforce mikasa's beliefs... she just remains static. which brings me to...

r.ivamika: oh, i adore them. they had so much potential in many different ways... unfortunately it's very, very obvious how much yams doesn't give a shit about the ackermans. first thing first: it's not incest. they're not cousins. it's explicitly stated that they're only very distantly related, and well, it's glaring how much they don't consider each other "family" or whatever. they're descendants of the same ancient clan, that's all. (actually, mikasa is eren's foster sister and she says he's her family more than once. but that's something em shippers generally seem to gloss over. not that i think em is incest either, it's not. maybe a very lite version of pseudo-incest like the abovementioned WH, but nothing more.) tbh i always thought of them being "related" a la darkling and mal from the greggrisha trilogy. technically they are but (stealing my brother's words of wisdom about the whole rm insane discourse) "it isn't gross" because it's been too fucking long for a relationship between them to be incestous. i mean, guys... words have meaning. you can dislike it but after many generations (500 years for the darkling and mal) they're really not more than nominally related at best. after six gens the shared blood is 0.01%, let alone... whatever the fuck levi and mikasa are. i mean, this obsession the fandom has with them as ~cousins is ridiculous - okay for a headcanon, obviously, but they're very much not framed like that in-universe. like, they have a professional relationship between a soldier and her superior, between comrades in arms. she loathes him until she doesn't; she thinks he's (and i quote) a "sadistic freak" until she doesn't, and she starts to feel respect for him and even *gasp* CARE FOR HIS WELL-BEING lmao???? but nope, she doesn't think of him as a family member. yams could have easily gone that way with them, but he didn't. it's nice to think about mikasa finally finding a belonging, especially with all her grief and family-issues (see, again, her obsession with eren, as stated above)... but that's exactly the reason why i like levi as a romantic option for her.

i'll explain why: they have this Pride&Prejudice vibes+mentor/protégée+veteran/talented newcomer+recognition through the other (derogatory) thing going on that i find very interesting. someone once said levi is basically a more evolved and mature version of mikasa, and i agree. but they're also very different, in a way that would both complement the other and challenge them. levi has an almost opposite way of dealing with grief compared to mikasa: she fiercely clings to few close people and does everything in her power to stop them from fading away from her; he has a long history with losing people too, and that's what makes him keep everyone at a distance (and fail spectacularly at it but that's another matter). he's already resigned to letting them go (see how he deals with erwin and hange's deaths, for example) and making hard choices in a merciless, impossible situation. you can't suffer if you don't grow attached to people in a world and a profession where death is an everyday occurrence, right...? right?????? except that he cares and mourns too, of course. he just represses it all, and he's very efficient at it. now, since mikasa's main issue is that she can't let go (especially of eren)... you can see how they both can teach something to each other and grow together. they're very similar personality-wise: both stoic, strong, loyal, excellent fighters, with a cold façade and a (more or less hidden) heart of gold beyond all that ice. they're both the strongest in the world; she's the only one who can keep up with him on the battlefield, the only one who can challenge him (and vice versa). he respects her almost from the very start; she despises him so hard that it blinds her in some occasions, but grows from hating his guts for kicking the shit out of eren to asking his help to kill eren. obviously they're the only ones with their special powers, being the last ackermans and all that. they could really understand each other on a deep level... if only isayama had made them interact!!!!! which he didn't. I MEAN. searching for their clan's roots, bonding over how unique and, for this very same reason, lonely they are? ["there are no others like us, and there never will be" *cough cough*] nope. let's make them never address the elephant in the room!! tbh they could have been descendants of different clans with similar powers and biology, and nothing about their relationship would have changed lmao. like, this girl has serious family-related issues; that's one of the reasons she fixates on eren. why doesn't she go to levi and, idk, ask him about something, anything? that's such a glaring flaw - not a plot hole but a... characterization hole, if you will - i seriously can't even fathom it. all this Carramba Che Sorpresa shit, all this fucking insanity over the poor harmless rm shippers... for that? (with that being: nothing. the void. nietzsche's abyss, maybe.) 😭😭😭😭😭😭 also, there's this persistent headcanon in the fandom that levi would inquire about the ackerlore, but... this only shows how shallow some fans' reading of the characters is. levi WOULD NEVER. levi is afraid of committing himself to someone, to feel so deeply he can't recover from a loss, to have distractions from his long-time goal, and this includes family business. (isayama actually explicitly said it in an interview!) it's mikasa who's so hungry for belonging... and making her curious about their shared heritage, having some kind of bond with levi (even a strictly platonic one), would have helped her step out of eren's shadow. like, a lot. and of course that didn't happen... whatever. 

tl;dr: i love them and i've written about them more than any other pairing so far, which is ridiculous (2 long fics, one of which is sadly unfinished, and a shorter one). I'm not fixated on aot anymore these days - the toxicity in the fandom and my displeasure with some of the manga's storylines were curbing my enthusiasm - but they'll always have a special place in my heart. gotta love a semi-rareship with such a potentially juicy, complex dynamic. 

(e naturalmente se vuoi Passare Al Lato Oscuro e see what all the fuss is about posso linkarti un paio di fic scritte molto bene, oppure umilmente farti leggere le mie, che sono in italiano)

thank you so much for the ask and, again, SORRY for not replying for so. fucking. long ughhhhhhh ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[longing-for-rain]

I'm back. I love this topic. Regarding this:

" I actually once found it interesting that these kinds of stories were being written in m/m fiction…I think it’s often for fetishistic reasons, but it does provide an interesting perspective on misogyny by creating a world in which men (male omegas) can experience it. Why write it this way? Was it intentional? Did these authors find these issues less triggering to explore by depicting them happening to male characters? Did they feel that the themes would be taken more seriously if depicted happening to male characters? Who knows, but those questions are interesting."

Yes. I'm telling you this as a fan of omegaverse and a former writer. And this is my personal experience: Most omegaverse is written by other women who are looking for ways to explore those patriarchal expectations without having to face the harsh reality: women are the ones who have to deal with those expectations. By placing those expectations on men, they can talk about it and explore it in "safe spaces" without having to face the harsh reality of sex based oppression. It's a fantasy world so it's less triggering.

And some writers try to change those dynamics within their fanfics and stories bc it's the only way they can show discomfort with those tropes without alienating people and being called man hating crazy feminists 🙄. Tackling oppresion and forced birth when it happens to male omegas is more welcomed than having feminist views and critiquing the whole genre.

Many of those women are not ready/can't write compelling stories about female oppression bc its too much. It devastating. Its too real.

Hey anon thanks for the ask! I find this topic really interesting too.

We sound like we have very similar experiences here, I was never particularly interested in omegaverse itself, but I always found myself drawn to reading and writing “whump” type fanfic about men. I think it’s a very similar idea, where there are traumatic topics and experiences that primarily affect women that it feels more detached to explore through male characters. Whump fiction is the same pattern where it’s almost always written by women about male characters. I’ve also found that in fanfic, portrayals of issues like eating disorders, body insecurity, self harm, sexual abuse and violence, etc. are disproportionately shown happening to male characters rather than female characters when the opposite is true in real life. And before someone jumps in here to yell at me, I’m not saying it never happens to men in real life. I’m just saying not nearly at the same rates you see in fiction, and I think there’s a reason for that. It doesn’t feel as personal, as a woman, to read/write about certain things happening to a man. It can create a layer of separation that feels less triggering.

And lately I actually have been writing stories which portray female victims, because I kind of felt weird when I recognized the trend. Yes, I think there is value in exploring something painful in a detached way, but there was also something about removing women from discussions of our own trauma that felt uncomfortable. So lately I wrote some things (like Claws of Ice) that address the misogyny aspect more directly and it’s been emotional, but also cathartic. I remember 10 years ago people straight up would not take the rape of a female character seriously, and even now, I still see people treat the exact same happening to male characters (and real men tbh) as a far greater crime. But I’ve gotten a great response on that story. Women connect with it, empathize with the victim, so I feel a little better writing about those topics. I was scared off from it for a while because I was afraid it would just be sexualized and treated as a fetish the way female suffering often is, but I haven’t gotten that so far.

But to your last point, yes, unfortunately, the whole “man hater” accusation issue is very real and something I’ve experienced. You can’t talk about any feminist issue or even write about it in fanfics of all things without someone accusing you of being a man-hater, feminazi, TERF, bitch, cunt, ugly, fat, etc. etc. bullshit insult they come up with, because people always hate women who confront female oppression.

I’m still going to keep doing it though because idgaf, for every weirdo anon and low effort troll, there are many many women out there who can connect with what I write and I think there’s value in that. If even just one woman feels seen, heard, valued, and empathized with because of a story I wrote, it’s worth it to me.

[icharchivist]

I agree on multiple grounds

1) it's fiction, it doesn't reflect on your own moral character what you like to engage with. If you're attracted to characters who commit atrocities (God knows I am) there's nothing wrong with that as long as you acknowledge that it's fiction and don't try to emulate that behavior in real life

2) This debating over whether people deserve a redemption arc or not seems like an add-on to cancel culture where a rabid mob that never touches grass arbitrarily decides what's right and wrong. Characters do things. So do people. Sometimes they're bad and sometimes they're good. Sometimes the definition changes. Sometimes how you feel about it changes. Also, a character showing regret for something bad they did doesn't mean that a redemption arc will follow. They might dig in their heels. They might not. Truth is, neither characters nor people depend on other people telling them whether they deserve forgiveness or not. We should strive to be able to forgive ourselves and make mistakes we can live with, rather than trying to attain somebody else's approval above all things

Idk that just came to my mind. Sorry for rambling. Anyway, here's more rambles

Redemption arcs are kind of contentious in fiction anyway, because some characters whose only crime was not agreeing with the designated hero are branded as irredeemable and sometimes characters are just redeemed within seconds because they revealed that their reason for committing 50 million war crimes is that they felt sad once

As all things, it's about balance and that can be tricky to achieve

oh man, yeaaaahhh

i got a little long lmao

I also think one element that is rarely really discussed in portrayal of pain is how if you're looking for resonance with our own pain, you will rarely find it with people who has the exact same experience.

I personally find myself to resonate with characters who express my own hurt tenfold. If their stories is too similar to mine, i get heavily uncomfortable. It's too real, too close. but multiply the pain, the mistakes, ect.. and it actually feels more like how it feels like to live with this pain on the daily.

Not to mention you kinda have to adjust your expectations to the setting you're in. Like someone who kills someone is a bad look in a slice of life story, but in a story where everyone has a bodycount, what's the moral there?

And also i did mention that i'm talking about characters with rich inner lives (so, not allegory) specifically about that last point you bring up. Redeem a character who has been an allegory for fascism or abuse is something that is frown-worthy. But if you create a rich character with a rich inner life, and the crimes are an extensions of this inner life, it is reasonable to want to see this narrative unfold properly.

And it's not like writers always manage it! like sometimes a redemption is written like garbage. I totally agree on that. But the problem i have with that is less that "the characters doesn't deserve to be redeemed" but "this is not how it should have been written to make the point across."

Everyone deserves to have the chance to become a better person if they are willing to become so. That doesn't mean that when a character becomes a better person, the writer went the right way about it.

It's such a case by case thing.

I'm not saying every single redemption arc is always okay no matter what. I'm saying that the judgement basis for redemption arc in fandom space is skewed in a direction that is imo antithetical with interreacting with the text on a thematic level.

Also back to your point 1), yes and also like, there is more to a character than morality. My mystery blorbo (still not disclosing who they are) murders a lot of people and i believe they're wrong on a moral standpoint about why, but as a story about life-consuming revenge over the intense trauma, some elements of which i can resonate with, it becomes less about the atrocities on their own and it becomes about how to navigate a pain that eats you up to the point of leaving you an unrecognizable shell of yourself. Are you not allowed to get better because you're morally on the wrong side? are you not allowed to grow out of the horrors of your own making to get better? It's no longer about morality -- it's about a personal journey of emotional hurt, and the idea that morality is the only angle on which to take such a character to me is bewildering.

and i'm not saying people can or should forgive them -- even in universe. I'm saying no one should be making up hard rules to say that anyone who believe they do is a irredeemable person on their own.

and 2) yeah and the classic "judging real people like they're character in a story" thing. Also it's extremely christian as a behavior which makes me go very much lol about it. Refusing the depth people can feel or can bring on the table to ideas seems pointless to me.

Anyway it's a case by case topic and it's complicated on its own but i've seen how people talk online and it's not people who are trying to be complex about that. They put words on what they just consider it to be a bad vibe and then they mercilessly judge people about it because they made a moral judgement about it. This is exhausting.

and my main point actually is like, it depends on what the THEME of the story is and how is the redemption serving it. Discussing only if a redemption is deserved is pointless imo because it says nothing about what the redemption's purpose is. Is it a story about personal growth? is it a story about communication? Or is it a story that is completely undermined by a redemption???

and again i'm not saying every redemption arc are always good. It's really just that the basis to judge how a redemption arc has to be accepted is flawed in fandom space.

And also like i just grew more and more angry because i've seen people genuinely go on about how the only type of good redemption storyarc is a Zuko-type storyarc and i'm just stopppp he was barely even a villain to start with, look at a fictional killer in the eyes and try to find yourself and then you can discuss. for crying out loud.

So yeah. I have Opnions:tm: on things.

[asexual-means-no-attraction]

(Nsfw content) hey so feel free to completely ignore this ask, but I think u have good inputs I'd like to know Ur thoughts about this, if it's okay.

So this is about fanfic right. For context, I am a cis woman and I struggle with CSA trauma. Writing erotica has been very freeing to me these past few years. Now the thing is, I can't exactly point to the reason why, but specifically in fictional erotica, when I write men it's always men with female genitalia. Not that I can't read about guys and dicks in general, it's just not something I feel comfortable writing. Now, I feel a bit weird about tagging any of that as "trans characters" because it doesn't feel fair to lump what I write with actual representation (even though if trans men enjoy what I write they are more than welcome to ofc).

Basically I'm not trying to write actual trans men and represent their struggles, or even their bodies realistically (I also find it a bit ehhh that in fandom spaces "trans man" has come to be synonyms with = "has a vagina" but I digress).

So with that in mind, I have come full circle and I'm noticing I'm back at feeling guilt and shame about what I write... much like I used to feel when I started writing/reading erotica. I feel guilty of writing that type of thing because in a way I fear it may come off as fetishization. That's not what I'm trying to do though, I realize this is mostly a fictional kink that doesn't correlate with how I view actual trans people irl. But the guilt is still there.

I'd like to know your thoughts about this. Do you think this is hurtful for trans people? For me to not tag that content as "trans" specifically? That I write that content? Am I alienating trans people? Are there better ways to go about this? Sorry if this is a lot of questions. My brain really wants me to feel ashamed of my sexuality and sexual desires so sometimes it's hard to have a clear idea of what's going on, if I'm actually doing something harmful or if it's just my brain being mean to me.

Sorry for the long ask, and again feel free to completely ignore it.

I mean, fanfic isn't really representation to begin with if you ask me. So by writing it, you aren't representing anyone. Besides, the purpose of your story isn't to describe trans people's struggle, so I don't think you need to go out of your way to "properly portray" said struggle/issues.

If we were to deny people right to write about groups they aren't apart of, we'd lose any chance at exploring each other's experiences. Like, you have every right to write a trans character. It's not illegal or wrong. I also don't think you have some moral obligation to make sure your portrayal is perfect cuz 1. There isn't any perfect portrayal of any experience or group of people and 2. Writing isn't always about doing that anyways.

So long as you're not coming with ill intentions to write something that you actively DESIRE to hurt some group with (this is how propaganda works) then I think you're fine to write whatever you want. Especially when it comes to fanfic which is written for FUN. Enjoy yourself. It's fine.

As for the tagging. I don't read much fanfic anymore. But I think the general rule of thumb is to be sure triggers are tagged. Whether you tag ship names, trans, or other tags is fully up to you. As a trans man, I don't think I'd care either way? Just do what makes you comfortable. You aren't hurting anyone by writing fanfics. Especially not what you described above.

You might get people who misunderstand, but genuinely that's fine. It's important to learn how to accept that some people will take what you do in life the wrong way. You can explain yourself, but ultimately it's best to just move on. Talk it out with someone you trust, reassure yourself, and continue your life. You can't please everyone so just make sure you can make yourself happy. Ya know? If these writings make you happy, don't let some random person get you down. You're not hurting anyone, or actively trying to bring down the trans community. You, as one person, couldn't actually do that anyways. It's ok. Take a breath and keep writing.

Summary: you're ok. You're not hurting anyone by writing fanfiction.

[endless-ineffabilities]

It's me again!✌🏿🙋🏿‍♀️ Reading thru your response reminded me of something that I forgot to say. It's triggering so ignore it if it triggers you or even makes you a bit uncomfortable! (It's between the /////)

/////////////

I'm a survivor of csa and that's actually one of the reasons I really love Aemond's portrayal in the show as he was taken to a brothel at such a young age and it's just so clear and obvious that he did NOT like or appreciate what happened and it still follows him to this day. How could it not? It's not like the maesters were mental health professionals.

My abuse shaped who I was romantically involved with for a long time (I'm in my mid 30s) and in the last few years I've been able to see that and work it out wit my therapist. I really dont want that to be the case for Aemond, though it makes sense and it's quite realistic. I would prefer I guess that if he's involved wit Alys without her magic and manipulation that he genuinely likes her, truly, not because that's all he's known because of what happened when he was 13. Even I that's not the case as long as the writers treat this subject with respect and some tact I won't have an issue, but I as a person would have wrote it differently for my own taste.

//////////////////

I also hope that people don't hate on the actress for no reason other than she's dating the fictional hottie. Jokes are fine, I make em too! But only at the character, not the actor/actress. Which is btw what I hate the most about people who diss Aemond and Daemon because they don't think Ewan and Matt are handsome enough or whateva. Total bs in my opinion.

Anyway I don't know where I was going with this and I really do apologize if this was upsetting! I feel comfortable talking about such subjects because I think they should be talked about but I understand that many others feel differently. Thank you for taking time to read my long ass message and respond! Idk what your friends are on about, you're very pleasant 😂 a pleasant Daemon like when he got Syrax's eggs!

Stay warm if it's cold over there, over here it's freezing🥶

Hi there, and sorry for such a late response! There's some backlog when it comes to my inbox and I haven't been able to answer messages promptly 🥲

First of all, I feel that you have such a sense of sincerity and good humour and I find it admirable + kudos for getting to work through your trauma with a therapist. That in itself takes a whooole lot of bravery 🖤

About Aemond though, it's sad to think that he most likely did not/will not get any support about how he was taken advantage of at 13. He probably doesn't even fully know that it's wrong, especially since his older brother seems so keen about it. And I just hate to imagine him having to get used to feeling all messed up about that experience. His struggle remains internal and unnamed as it's not something that is outright 'wrong' or 'abusive' in their world.

In some way, it might be easier to understand Alys using her witchy powers to make Aemond fall in love with her, than it is to see them 'fall in love' without apparent manipulation... Cause there always will be that "what if" on my part about whether his attraction is not influenced by what he went through? ahhh I don't know we'll see how it is portrayed I guess...

You're so right - I also CANNOT stand slander directed towards the actors. I hope the Aemond fans don't target whoever will portray Alys. I mean - it's fine - fans have a right to not like a character, but not to the extent that it's unreasonable and insulting 🤷‍♀️

Also I admit I've seen Matt Smith's work for years now, but I've never been so fixated on him as when he portrayed Daemon 😂

Thank you thank you for the message! Apologies for my essay haha and it's freezing in my corner of the world as well... if only we can keep warm with Aemond or Daemon 😉

[majachee]

tell me about these ocs 👁👁

My OCs, you see, come from a fairly passionate interest of mine.

And... my grievances towards certain modern adaptations.

See, I like stories that expand on or reimagine classic myths, and use said myths in a new and interesting way! Especially if they have an added cultural/historical influence, like Garmr and Fenrir in God of War: Ragnarök!

For some mythos, our resources are lacking. Especially with Norse mythos, where are main source is essentially surviving ruins and texts from outside sources, and Snorri's Edda (which was written during the Christianization of Scandinavia. And some of the sources we have of the Vikings come from biased outside sources and unnearthed graves.)

So, creative liberties are inevitable. I don't get too up in arms about "mischaractetizations" like some other mythology nerds because... well... they're fictional characters based on thousands year old mythos. And thus, I was inspired to break free from these chains and go absolutely buck wild with my own creative liberties! With some inspiration from other medias, of course. I always found God of War's multi-pantheon story interesting, so I'm expanding on that concept a bit in my own story! I like Hellblade's portrayal of the gods from an outsider looking in, especially with the added context of her trauma, of course these gods of the men who killed those she loved would be seen as monsters! A more modern twist on Orpheus and Eurydice in Hadestown? With the added industrialism commentary? YUMMY. (Ignoring my issues with the Persephone and Hades stuff)

And so, that's what I hope to bring to the table! An exploration of fate, mortality, morality, and philosophy using gods and familiar literary heroes as my chess-pieces, exploring cultural influences through the ages and the ever-changing connection of man and god. The inevitable end to all things.... In reality its probably not That Deep but hey im having fun lmao

As for my grievances.... I feel like certain modern stories miss the original point of these myths. While yes, they're mystical and have some silly bits to 'em, they were used to explain the order of the world back in the day. Why are there seasons? Why do natural disasters happen? Why are we here? Where do we go when we die? What must we do to ensure a safe travel to the theoretical afterlife? Why do we have laws and civilization? But also, people seem to forget the underlying themes of a lot of these myths (esp greco-roman myths); these gods are nuanced like us mortals. While idols of worship, they are not spared from cruelity.

The Kidnapping of Persephone is not only a story of the seasons, but also a story about a mother's grief and the traumatic reality of young women being forced into marriage. Hades and Persephone isnt a good relationship, and its one of those things thats uncomfortable to see romanticized even with the creative liberties in place.

While I do take a lot of creative liberties, I do not want to erase specific meanings found in these myths. Specifically that mortals and gods are both equally flawed and neither are inherently perfect, and the relationships aren't always the healthiest really.

Despite my belief that humanity is inherently kind, that doesn't mean humanity isnt flawed or cruel yk yk?

I explore a lot of silly things with my silly little god ocs and I KNOW THIS PROBABLY ISNT WHAT YOU WERE ASKING FOR BUT YOU DIDNT NAME A SPECIFIC OC AND I GOT OVERWHELMED SO I TALKED ABOUT MY INSPIRATION BEHIND THEM FOR A BIT SORRY LMAO

[lonelier-version-of-you]

Well, Casualty tonight was excellent!! Apart from Faith Cadogan, of course, but that's the norm and I try to pretend she doesn't exist as a character at this point lol.

Jaye Jacobs and Charles Venn absolutely carried the episode, I think - Donna and Jacob are both always highlights of the week for me anyway, but their performances in this one were incredible.

Jacob's phonecall to Billie just about tipped the scales in favour of Jacob's storyline being the best part for me, though Donna's storyline almost won that title. I wasn't expecting Jacob to be as prominent this week as he turned out to be, so I was very pleasantly surprised! Yay for Jacob!!

Jacob continues to be one of the very best portrayals of a trauma survivor I've ever seen in fiction. I thought this ep wove his storyline in wonderfully, and a lot more than I expected it to. I thought he would mostly just get patient storylines and that would be it, so I was so happy they finally went back to discussing his trauma and even more so that they acknowledged his breakup with Billie. The scene where he and Iain were talking about it was fantastic, though it made me sad that he seemed to feel so guilty for how he talked to her. (Not saying it was okay, he definitely shouldn't have done it, but I really do get where it came from in regards to his trauma.)

I'm just... I'm just so glad Jacob exists, okay? I love him so much and he's very important to me. Sorry, I know I say that whenever I talk about him. Also, on that note, I thought the way he got that man to let Iain go was very clever on his part! He was so wonderful and kind all throughout this ep. :)

And I adored the last scene, when he called Billie to say sorry for how he'd treated her. That was just a beautiful scene (the parallel with Charlie's talk with Jacob back in May made it even more so). Jacob admitting and taking accountability for how he acted - that was great. Maybe next he'll even make that therapy appointment! I really hope he can find some healing and support and forgiveness for himself, he deserves it even if he thinks he doesn't. I think this was a positive step for him mentally and emotionally, and I'm glad of that. I hope his mental health/trauma storyline continues to be this good.

Also, I think Billie will be coming back after all, which I'm pleased about! I really like her as a character and she has wonderful chemistry with Jacob. I'm also very happy Jacob is now a fully-fledged paramedic, even if I'm still confused by him doing all the training in such a short space of time.

Charles Venn has really shown yet again why he's worthy of his Inside Soap Award nomination for Best Drama Star this year. Not only that, he'd be more than worthy of a win! :)

I loved Donna's scenes so much, and Jaye Jacobs was brilliant! Seeing Donna's kindness towards Ashley was just so nice. The scene with her and Ashley on the stairs was possibly the best moment of the episode to me (although Jacob's aforementioned phonecall comes so close).

I also think Donna's coming closer to telling the truth, which is good.

And they've aged Mia's character up a bit - Donna said Mia is 19, tonight, when she should be more like 17. That was odd. But I feel like it's going to end up being a Fredrik situation anyway (Holby made Fredrik younger and then reversed it less than a year later) so I'm not too bothered by it.

I hate Faith, and this week gave me even more reasons to. I don't want to waste too much time thinking/talking about her, but I'll just say... you know how I praised Jacob for taking accountability for his actions? Yeah, that stood out not only as a positive step for Jacob, but because it contrasts so massively with Faith - who is doing anything but.

What am I even supposed to say about all this? Faith saw a woman literally suffering from cancer and Faith's apparent only thought was "oh hey, I could tell Stevie I've got the same illness so she feels sorry for me and I can get away with anything!". There's something so awful about her not only lying about being seriously ill, but doing so for such a trivial reason.

I have so much sympathy for Stevie here - she's only recently got away from Marcus, and now she's basically being emotionally abused all over again. I hated seeing Faith gaslight and manipulate her like that.

I hope Stevie figures out what's going on and ends her friendship with Faith for good. Then Stevie can go be friends with Dylan instead. They could be like the Henrik/Jac friendship equivalent for Casualty.

Cameron being fed up with Ryan was nice, in part because I am also fed up with Ryan. Having said that...

I really liked the scenes with Ryan and his patient (did they ever say what his name was? I have to assume they did, but I didn't hear it). Those were cool, and I always love some good disability representation from Casualty!

Are Jodie and Cam going to get together? Only time will tell, but I'm curious now. On that note, I would've liked more Max and Jodie scenes this week.

So yeah, tonight was a good one for Casualty, and I'm thrilled about a potential Jacob/Billie reunion! Yay!

[mcalhenwrites]

Going to ramble a bit about writing.

I'm trying to type up this big document that explains what all my stories are and tells everyone a little bit about them. It's to prevent major confusion/be used as a reference of sorts. I have so many novels. Some are finished, others are not. Some of these stories are about fifteen years in the making. (Some elements of Seasons are from that far back.) Stories like Rascal and Seasons are deemed too self-indulgent (and Rascal is too smutty) to be published, so I'm always going to leave them on AO3 for free. Others, like Geckos and my dragon universe stories and my asexual Incubus series are all books I'd like to see published. Even if it's just self-published. :') (I should probably include this info on the doc...) I'm not always sure it's worth trying to tradpub, not only bc that's a mess, but I'm self-indulgent, and looking at my brand... I'm a spanko. I'm either writing adult spanking (mostly consensual, but sometimes not) or stories that involve children being abused (which includes spanking)... and the two often overlap. Case in point with Rascal: Hazel's into getting spanked, but the interest stems from a childhood, and yet when his father feels he should have had a firmer hand with Hazel, Hazel's freaked out. To him, that's the equivalent of hearing: "I should have sexually violated you more as a child." Which is what I heard too, but what writer doesn't project? And goddamn if I don't feel unpopular for my stances in society... My stories probably get a bit preachy. (Seasons does, I get it, I'm not exactly sorry about that.) I know the reason why I couldn't find many traditionally published books that connected to me as a young spanko. I know why I still struggle to find them in the market. And that's the same reason I fear I don't stand much of a chance outside of self-publishing, and even then, I'm not sure how well I'll do. I'm sure people who don't know shit about spanking as a kink will assume 50 Shades has us covered, but in my experience, most spankos hate that book. Either for its unhealthy portrayals or the bad writing. Which... I borrowed the first book, read it, and still walked away knowing it was an unhealthy portrayal. It didn't warp my perspective. People should fucking read up on BDSM references and nonfictional accounts before practicing. The end. But fiction is fiction. As for the writing quality, I completely get that it's awful and the characters are uninteresting/rely on stereotypes, but I suspect this was her first fanfic, and we always talk about people never being too old to start hobbies. You're bad at them when you start! I wrote like that at twelve, but I started writing stories at seven. So by the time I reach my forties, I'll have plenty of practice under my belt. Not to say I enjoyed it, bc I def did not. But I don't think it works as the "be all, end all" of spanking stories, and it hardly even appealed to spankos. We usually have to find each others' stories online, and then it's a nice little minesweep of "will this fic be from someone who is a creep endorsing abusive spanking or someone who understands fiction should stay in fiction?" game that can be... somewhat traumatic at times to deal with. And personally, I'm really hurting even then to find stories where the characters take from childhood trauma and bring that into consensual adult realtionships... Anyway, here's a picture of my dog to make everything better, since this got a wee bit heavy? He's doing all right for a guy whose tail has a nasty hot spot on it right now, but he's being good and only needs the cone when he's not under survelliance (nighttime or home alone).

[yoonia]

Hey Dia! I’d like to share more stuff I talked about in my last message (the seven deadly sins au) if it’s fine. Fair warning, I’m gonna send more than one ask related to this fic, so be on the lookout lol.

For Lust, I’ve been thinking about casting Taehyung. I do like Jimin being associated with the same sin but I thought of doing something different and just to make it less predictable (like with EANA). Also idk if I’m the only one but I feel like Tae and Jimin give different vibes when they’re depicted as the sin of lust, not that it’s bad of course. Idk how I can explain it though.

In this story, OC here feels lonely because everyone she knows is dating someone except her. The thing is though, she has a fear of commitment and intimacy (because trauma). So one night at a bar, OC meets Taehyung and sleeps with him that same night. And for a while, OC would regularly visit and spend time with him and the 2 of them would explore all kinds of kinks. But the problem is that their whole relationship revolves around sex and nothing else, (which is shallow and superficial obviously). But they both realize that eventually. For Taehyung, he realizes he’s never learned how to form genuine connections with ordinary humans (despite wandering the earth for several years). And for OC, she realizes she needs to love herself before loving others. She only wanted to “date” Taehyung because she felt left out and didn’t know (or see) her self worth. And she only likes the idea of being in love.

I came up with this storyline in particular because when I watched that one video I mentioned from my last message, it explains how lust stems from loneliness. And I just think that’s something a lot of people can relate to. I’m ngl, idk if it’s just me (or maybe I don’t have as wide as a variety with reading fics as I thought lol) but I haven’t really seen lot of fics out there with realistic portrayals of friends with benefits relationships (and the side effects). Ig I’m just curious what it would be like to write one that shows the more unhealthy sides of those kinds of relationships. Not that it’s bad to write fics the way you want to of course (I really hope it doesn’t sound like I’m shaming anybody’s writing btw)

I actually have a rough draft that’s in progress rn but nothing’s set it stone yet. I like what I’ve written so far though😊

I'm sorry I always so late getting back to you but OMG you need to write this 😭😭😭 for real. I love it!

(ps. I'm answering your asks separately so I can respond more coherently since my brain is running slow after I got sick lol)

I can totally see what you meant about Tae and Jimin having different vibes if you want to relate them with Lust. I think it's similar to how people always see Jimin as somewhat a Slytherin, as he seems to have this mischievous and darker side that can be completely unpredictable, which is why he seems to be the perfect candidate for Lust. But you know, seeing Taehyung's most recent..."endeavours" (the thirst traps he constantly threw at us ever since he started Instagram, his photoshoots, his most recent release), he does have this bad boy side of him that feels a bit more like a frat boy-ish vibe which, I can totally see as Lust.

You always have different twists with your ideas, so they're always awesome and I love reading through them.

Back to your idea, I think it's great to challenge yourself with writing in a darker theme. People are often afraid of delving into heavy topics like unhealthy relationships because they know that readers often dive into fiction work looking for happy endings as their form of escape, but there are others (like me, heh) who love reading these types of stories. Yes, writing toxic relationships, cheating, or types of relationships you mentioned above, often takes you a bit too close to reality as they happen in real life, but that's actually the beauty of writing, you know? Bringing real topics that we meet in life into a story so we can truly "feel" it. Sometimes, reading about pain can be cathartic and healing for some, which is why angst fics still have many readers.

What I love about your idea for this story is how it challenges your characters to grow as people and to test whether or not they can communicate with each other in the story. While your challenge would be about bringing all of this to life (which seems fun, tbh. I love challenges).

I say continue polishing your rough draft and let your your idea grow. The way you write in bullet points (the way you sent the ideas for EANA to me) was one of the ways I often do when I brainstorm ideas. You'll probably end up fixing some plotholes and filling up the scenes once you continue going with it.

(ps. 2. if you're still on my Patreon, you can use my writing practice sheets to organize your ideas. I have some more of these sheets coming soon so I hope they can help you with developing this idea--and others)

[rptsyd]

i was an admin of this rp and this player who'd been in and out a couple times over the years of its existence came back and idk i'd always had a strange gut vibe about them despite them never doing anything... until they took up a wanted connection for my character's ex partner that was presumed dead for years. my character (W) was still very much in love with this wanted character (H), first love and all, but believing this character to be dead he was living his best single manwhore life. talking about it seems great, we have plans and there's chemistry there in test interactions while this player is building the app, and discussing their thoughts on their portrayal of the character, and i'm excited it seems like it's going to go well with plenty of drama and fun! the general concept was that this wanted character was still in love with mine although trauma he experienced while he was gone has really affected his temper. H comes in and what we discussed and agreed to was... not the same on the dash. H was, as agreed upon, short-tempered and got jealous over W flirting with others, but then H starts getting physically and verbally abusive towards W and the player is justifying the behavior of their character and saying that it's "W's fault for not being empathetic enough"??? anyways i was not sad when that player left and i personally believe i should've kicked them out if they strongly felt that sort of behavior, even fictional, was even remotely okay.

horror story and huge red flag all wrapped in one. you don't do that without it being agreed on and then to blame it on the character/player? no way.

[atalana]

@inhumansandwiches stealing your tags bc you're absolutely right!

(also yes on nina being indentured! bc again! that ties into jesper's issues! bc there are legitimate reasons he doesn't tell anyone! and it's because jes does not want to be kidnapped and sold. like every other grisha in ketterdam. which is understandable. it just makes his concerns look childish if nina is absolutely fine)

like. i think the most frustrating thing about all of this is not that they mangled the story, or moved things around, or haven't left room for some of my favourite character moments

its that they seem to want to resolve everything, even when a resolution is an active detriment to the story

six of crows, as a duology, very much leaves off unresolved!

the puzzle of how they're going to get out of this situation, that's tied up (far neater and more satisfying than the show can do), but everything else just leaves off on a promise. kaz and inej have not solved all their trauma, because that's going to take time, and so far they've failed more than they've succeeded. but kaz promises to try and inej promises to always come back, and that's enough

and jes still struggles to admit he's grisha, bc he's spent years under the assumption that saying that out loud will get him killed or worse. he still hasn't solved his gambling addiction. but he's promised to start training with a fabrikator, and he leaves his share of the money to his dad, until he can responsibly spend it

and that's something i loved about the books! it's what made them interesting! and like. i think in theory they could do the bathroom scene again in the show, so i'm reserving judgement on that, but i definitely wasn't happy with them folding "pekka rollins killed my brother" and so many bathroom scene moments into one interaction

bc the former is honestly one of the better moments kanej have. it's one of the few times kaz lets himself be emotionally vulnerable, bc he says it too quickly to overthink. and had they left the show scene there, it would have been fine, that scene resolves (mostly) in the book too

but they wanted to do the bathroom scene too. the bathroom scene doesn't resolve. in any other ya story it would, that would be the moment where kaz has a breakdown and finally tells inej everything. but kaz is a very realistic portrayal of trauma, and he can't. inej pushed too far. he was already tired and vulnerable and about to walk into a situation where he couldn't be kaz, he had to be dirtyhands, there was no space for more vulnerability. and so he lashes out, because that's what people do when they're afraid and backed into a corner

to me it's not the bathroom scene if it doesn't have kaz trying the hardest he ever has despite the trauma (and inej knowing that it's a problem and being able to relate to it and talk him through it), only to ultimately fail. because the important part is he can still try again

but i get the sense that the writers are kinda, censoring parts of the books? like you said, a gambling addiction might be too difficult for them to explore

and the same with kaz's backstory, like. i don't know if show only fans even know the whole story? because sure you showed him on the reaper's barge, but you didn't show how he got there, or more importantly, how he got away. because those are the things that are truly traumatising, and apparently there's only so much we're willing to show a fictional nine year old experiencing

and it's a shame bc these are some of the things that make the crows unique and compelling characters

honestly though like. as a jesper fan, i am baffled by the choices they made with his character arc this season

like i was definitely surprised they just threw the grisha thing in immediately after it was such a secret last season, but that's not inherently bad, i can roll with that

two things though

1) i am absolutely thrilled to get that scene with aditi, she was the number one character i wanted to see in s2 and it was everything i wanted and more. but attributing jesper's denial of his powers just to her death... yes, that was what pushed colm over the edge in terms of paranoid protecting

but he was terrified before she died. and that's because he's kaelish, not zemeni, and he knows the world. novyi zem may be relatively safe for zowa, but at least as far as the books are concerned, nowhere else is. the wandering isle has far too many superstitions, ravka has a compulsory draft for grisha, the fjerdans will kill you, the shu want to experiment on you, and one thing the show really does not cover is that pretty much every grisha in ketterdam is an indenture, nina included. every grisha in the city is owned by someone. your options outside of novyi zem are death, war, or slavery. jesper's dad kinda had a point

and i'm surprised they didn't even try to touch on that, because that could actually be really interesting in this crossover au! why? because that's the darkling's point of view. he's kind of a magneto here, doing wrong things for valid reasons - and jes has the most experience with those reasons. in the books he's nowhere near as okay with his powers (nina's narration at one point mentions how jes continually talks about grisha like he's not one of them, even in a room where everyone knows his secret. and he can't even say the word grisha, nor can his father, if they have to discuss it they coat it in several layers of vague language)

you're going to make a much stronger debate and a more interesting antagonist if one of your protags agrees that yeah, there is nowhere in the world that is safe for any of them, even if the war is over

2) where, are they intending to take jes' character arc from here? bc they kinda went right for the root of it, which doesn't make a lot of sense if you wanna keep this character around

like, if you haven't read the books, grisha stay healthy by using their powers - they can live longer, yes, but it also keeps them from getting sick, and so on. the inverse, however, is also true. one of the ways the shu government identifies grisha in hiding is that they can't go long without using their abilities, it makes them tired and weak and sickly

and crooked kingdom really digs into the fact that staying in hiding since he was a kid has been having a severe impact on jesper's health - not physically, for him it manifests mentally. sort of fantasy adhd, but the worst traits of it. he's always restless, nothing ever feels okay, he keeps pushing his emotions down because he doesn't know how to deal with them without them exploding. he's a serious adrenaline junkie because of it - he has a legit and debilitating gambling addiction that forms the heart of his character arc, and the same with danger, the only time the world feels right is when he's in the middle of a fight and probably about to die

jes can't quit gambling because he can't admit to himself there's anything wrong. he can't admit what he is and he can't admit that it's hurting him really badly

he only makes progress on the grisha thing right at the end of the last book, and he's working on the gambling addiction, though that's something implied to be fixed in the future rather than seeing it on the page

but he seems to be much more okay with who he is now than he ever was in the books. and, if he's okay with it now, how are you ever going to dig into the rest of the interesting stuff, that's all only happening because jes is hiding from himself?

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

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*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual.