#I'm addicted from nice comments to my art

[mcromwell]

Four years ago, I installed TikTok and began making art videos to promote my art business. I steadily got better at making videos, had a few big hits, grew my follower count to 75k (my largest on any social platform ever, to this day) and even qualified for the app's creator program, which netted me a fair chunk of change for a few months. Right when I started considering it an integral part of my business, engagement started tanking. Despite my follower count and trying to keep up with trends and editing techniques designed to retain viewers, my videos went from getting about 10k views to less than a thousand--that's not even 10% of my follower-count. The app slowly stopped recommending my videos to anyone, followers or on the FYP. For months. And then after TikTok was voted to be banned in the US, it got even worse, and the CEO even stated in his video addressing the ban that they would "not be able to pay creators as much due to spending more money on legal fees to challenge the vote". At that time I was grimly reminded of what I already knew about social media sites: they aren't your friend and they don't care about you. They'll give you something "nice" (a chance at monetization and virality) with the hope that you'll keep making content for their content farm, and when your videos don't get views, the gambling mindset of "maybe next video will do well" or "the algorithm is just weird right now, maybe it will improve if I just keep going" will keep you addicted.

I finally hit a wall. I can't waste my time. I have very little time to achieve what I want to due to my health. So making videos that get 300 views and no comments is definitely a waste of my time. I used to say good things about the algorithm, how it shows you niche things instead of only just the popular stuff, but clearly that isn't the case. My videos posted elsewhere get tons more interactions and engagement. I am stepping back from TikTok for a while; I even uninstalled it. The endless scrolling is not good for me, either.

All that to say: art videos will be less frequent. The only places I'd be making them for is Instagram and YouTube, and I think if I'm going to pick one to focus on, it'll be Youtube. Subscribe to my channel here, where I am slowly uploading my entire TikTok catalogue of hundreds of art videos.

TikTok did great things for me when it worked. It was really exciting for me to hear folks at in-person events say stuff like, "Oh, I saw a video of this painting!" "Your process is so fun to watch!" I won't forget the support everyone gave me. Thank you.

I hope to use this extra time to focus on my practice more. I want to lean into sketchbook bundle downloads, Patreon, and just simply drawing more! Exploring more! We'll all benefit from that. So here's to newer, healthier directions.

💖 M

[copperbadge]

The UEFA European Championship, the "Euros", is a major soccer championship, with viewership second only to the World Cup. It's starting up this week and I decided to put a few bets on since a number of the Handsome Lads of AS Roma are playing in it along with my favorite Fire player, so I signed up with an online sports book that has a relatively user-friendly app.

(I can hear the "Sam, gambling can be super addictive" comments now and I agree but I promise you of my impulse control issues, gambling is not one of them. I am betting in $2 amounts for fun.)

One of the weird dualistic tensions of online gambling is that by law they have to do allllll this stuff to remind you that it can be addictive and help is available while also doing everything they can to suck you in deeper; social media has nothing on sports betting. There's a clock that tells you how long you've been in the app, which is meant to make sure you take breaks but is actually very stressful because I keep thinking it's timing me like I'm taking an exam; on the other hand it won't let you sort your bets by date so you can easily see what's coming next and then log off.

But I'm not here to talk about manipulative apps or betting or even footie. I'm here to talk about...

table tennis

Because one way they keep you on the site is to offer limited live streaming of sports you can bet on in real time and i miei amici, at the moment there is a table tennis championship tournament in progress.

It's like watching some kind of absurdist performance art unfold. You can see plenty of finals matches in nice venues with audiences and high res filming at YouTube, but what I am guessing are the prelims are played in a small rather dimly lit room with a single fixed camera at a distinctly "surveilling the inmates" angle. There's a game table, the two people playing, and a nearby desk where the referee sits. And then they play table tennis with the focused determination of military snipers.

This is a screenshot of what is actually a nicer video than the streams at the sports book (which doesn't let you screenshot) but you get the idea.

Don't get me wrong, I respect table tennis as a sport requiring skill and dedication I don't personally possess. It's not the ping pong of it all that gets me. It's the weird utilitarian grimness of the visual, like it's footage from a military experiment in a dystopian thriller film. It's what I imagine the filmed aesthetic of the Russian Sleep Experiment creepypasta would be.

I'm not betting on the games but I'm not gonna lie that I haven't watched a few matches. These men certainly come to win.

[kindestofkings]

got a book for every situation

ryan mcmahon x reader

reader runs a bookstagram/bookclub but instead of just reading about love, until she meets a certain drummer...

authors note: guys i think i love ryan an unhealthy amount

yourusername

location: london!

liked by bookfan1 and others

yourusername heyy guys sorry I've been kind of quiet on here but I've MOVED egh it's been v scary and hectic even though it was only from Dublin to London. don't worry tho bookstagram will stay alive !

hows everyone doing?! what are yee reading rn?

view 100 comments

bookfan1 wow city girl! I'm reading normal people at the moment :)

yourusername ik shaking things up hehe, also hope you're enjoying the heartbreaking miscommunication ... bookfan1 it is hard out here :(

bookfan2 no way I'm living in london ! lmk if you need any friends here xx

yourusername omg yes! I was thinking of starting a bookclub? thoughts? bookfan2 yes I'd so be down !! bookfan3 me too! I just moved here aswell

bookfan4 currently just buying books and not reading them

yourusername meee, expect I'm now broke from moving so I'm on a self-inflicted book ban 😔😔

ryanmcmahon_15

liked by elijahhewson and others

ryanmcmahon_15 get on your jogging shorts and pick up a brush

view all 83 comments

inhalerfan1 ok artist 🥴

inhalerfan2 your bob ross era omg

yourusername

liked by yourbestie and others

yourusername new city but same old hopeless romantic <3 maybe london will hold a romantic interest ?

also next months bookclub is organised so keep an eye out for my story with the dets 💗

view 70 other comments

bookfan1 yayyy can't wait!!

bookfan2 omg getting closer to a face reveal by the day

yourusername 🤭🤭

yourbestie YOU COULD EASILY HAVE A ROMANTIC INTEREST IF YOU TEXTED THAT GUY ! (also come home I miss your bookclub)

yourusername ughh leave off it ! he was just being nice .. yourbestie oohh yeah he walked up to you at a bar, talked to you for a few and then gave you his number only because he was being nice... mmhmm bookfan2 omg text him what the hell! bookfan3 this is the stuff of books! bookfan2 is he cute?? yourusername ahahha yes. and fineeee I'll text him 😅 terrifying😅

ryanmcmahon_15 added to his story!

location: london!

replies:

bobbyskeetz ehhhhh what do we have here??

joshjennkinson_ IS THAT THE GIRL FROM THE BAR !!!

↳ ryanmcmahon_15 it might me yes 🤭

inhalerfan1 ryannnn okay cheater !

yourusername posted on their story!

location: national gallery!

fear I'm terrible date company, but in my defence there was stuff to read EVERYWHERE

replies:

yourbestie WE DONT CARE ABOUT THE PLAQUE HOW WAS THE DATE !!!!

↳ it was so good, he was the sweetest and really into art and and is really passionate about music and and and he was just really pretty ...

↳ yourbestie omg girlllll you are hung UP

ryanmcmahon_15 great company* lets not lie

↳ ahhh have you not made me blush enough this month !

bookfan1 stop you are slay, he's so lucky for your company !

joshjenkinson_,bobbyskeetz and elijahhewson just followed you!

yourusername

liked by ryanmcmahon_15 and others

yourusername happy 9 months to my pride and joy, our book club <3

your support has meant to me and has supported my reading addiction, big MWAH !

I've met so many new friends, insanely made it onto three publishing houses pr list?!?!? and got a job all through this little bookstagram. you all are the best xx

view all 100 comments

bookfan1 wooow we love a successful queen !

bookfan2 reading is sooo hot and sooo slay

bookfan3 is that a book bouquet? and a pic taken by someone else???

yourusername mwhahah eagled eye youuuu. also HOW cute is the bouquet ! (liked by ryanmcmahon_15)

inhalerfan1 high key why did all the band follow a random bookstagram?

inhalerfan2 shes irish living in london, maybe they're friends from home?? inhalerfan3 but then they'd already follow her tho

yourusername

liked by yourbestie and others

yourusername dating a musician means one thing... associating tunes with books !!!

(also getting your oranges peeled for you 😭😭)

view all 75 comments

yourbestie y'all are adorable, I love <3

bookfan1 he seems so sweet !

ryanmcmahon_15 you forgot forcing people to listen to lana del ray...

yourusername oh yeah !! how could I forget that I'm bettering the lives of others :))) bobbyskeetz he does be humming let the light in constantly. yourusername awhhh too soft for it

inhalerfan1 ooohhh is she dating ryan !?

yourusername

liked by elijahhewson and others

yourusername ugh sick with love, but he reads my favourite books and instead of annotations he paints them 🥹

also tickets for next month's book club are out this sundayyyyy ! Xx

view all 123 comments

inhalerfan1 omg boyfriend ryan is everything

joshjenkinson_ ryan being in his bookworm era has the tour bus kinda quiet

bookfan1 sooo invested in your relationship , also have the alarm set for the tickets !

ryanmcmahon_15

liked by yourusername and others

ryanmcmahon_15 black and white is owned by lewevans btw

view all 88 comments

yourusername being really cool is owned by you btw

joshjenkinson_ 2/3 pics you're reading, yourusername your power is unmatched 🤭

elijahhewson reading era

inhalerfan1 hahaha ugh I love them your honour

lewevans 🖤 🤍

yourusername posted on their story!

gorgeous boy <;3

replies:

ryanmcmahon_15 love you ❤️

↳ LOVE YOU MORE

inhalerfan1 im so so jealous of you

bookfan1 when are you writing a book about your love story ??

↳ hahhaha omg imagine ! dont tempt me..

yourusername

location: new york new york!

liked by ryanmcmahon_15 and others

yourusername yeah my boyfriends pretty cool but he's not as cool as

THE BOOKSTORE THAT I FOUND WHICH SELLS BOOKS AND PICKLES !!!

view all 64 comments

bobbyskeetz meeeee, im a brooklyn babyyyy

yourusername you get me.

yourbestie you are SO cool

bookfan1 wait I need all the details ??

yourusername it was the cutiest little secondhand bookshop in the lower east side of manhattan but they also make their own pickles

the end

what did you think? 😏

[kerubimcrepin]

Episode 26 - A Hairy Mystery

TW: Discussions of in-universe false allegations of S.A. towards animals and/or children. Discussions of addictions, and what might be actual S.A.

This episode is a doozy, both canonically and due to the analysis I conduct.

From the first seconds of the episode, we can note one very important detail:

The episode's narration is not censored by Kerubim, as is usually the case, but filtered through Joris's very limited understanding of sexuality and other adult things, and metaphors alluding to those.

Which results in this being a very dark episode in every single way possible and kinda batshit insane, when thought about for too much.

This is the same house as the one we'll see in Episode 50, Deadly Charm.

During Episode 50's time, the two of them share this house. This may suggest that the two episodes happen relatively closely, timeline-wise. It would make sense, considering the fact that in both of these episodes, Lou investigates crimes.

This investigation sounds like how long a war that would result in the birth of a very cool huppermage would last.

This episode will be hellish to translate... First of all: all the little text on these images? Just gibberish. Also, it's the same gibberish copypasted in all the newspapers.

However, we have some juicy stuff in the big text blocks: real text, with more context for the ep, besides what we see through Joris's ~imagination~

Big text on the top:

"LITTLE CAT (??? something something)

LITTLE CAT WHO DRANK MILK WAS NICE, FRIENDLY AND WELL-BEHAVED, WHICH DOESN'T/DIDN'T---

THIS BY PUTTING LAXATIVE IN THE BOWL OF HIS SWEET SELF"

Big text on the bottom:

"HE LOOKS LIKE A BEANPOLE(???) -----------UN"

Firstly: the newspaper name says "BOTA" instead of "BONTA"... Not even a spare letter "N" for the starving public?

The text on the left is, for some reason, upside down, and the letter N is in my transcription only because it makes more sense than W. What is says is: "EST U(N)E FIOTTE"

Translation: Someone (a female judging by "une") is (I am about to quote google here) "a homophobic(?) swear word for men(??)."

I'm sure someone in Ankama was very giddy to have snuck this in, but god, I wish I knew what this really means.

Don't worry. There are worse hidden texts in this episode... Like this next one.

I guess that what Kerubim is accused of is. Uh. not... literally eating a cat. It's something... different. Or eating the cat and also doing other things to the cat. hm.

I guess for Ecaflips, doing this to a cat, is not just an animal thing but also uh. a kid thing.

...Idk if I ever wanted to know this much about the World of Twelve. Man.

To pause from the insanity of this episode so far, I want to point out, that, both here, and in the episode 50, which we had established, takes place close to this one, Kerubim and Lou are very close to marriage/consider each other fiancés (in episode 50, she is referred to as his wife, despite them not being married).

So... I am assuming both of them take place before Ecaflip City! We're making some real discoveries here, folks.

This episode was funnier before I knew this was Kerubim's twitter callout arc. Now it's just sad.·😭

Also, in a better circumstance, I would comment on how cute it is that Kerubim says he likes cats (or babies, considering that for ecaflips... yeah. man. this episode is making me say insane things.) that much.

No wonder he's going fucking insane.

The first one is a reused text asset from the first episodes that says "MAISON DE NERUBIM CREPIN". What she is writing seems to be "RMCP"

The second one is, uh. Yeah.

Judging by the paintings, I suppose this episode takes place after Vax's Art (ep10) and Bashi the Shark (ep7).

I know these are just reused assets, but also — it's Ankama's own fault that they gave me this to do theorizing with.

Jesus fucking Christ, here we go. Twenty pages of analysis incoming:

He had a very interesting evening. Getting drunk (as usual), gambling (as usual)...

But having a woman "ride" him, while being very, very drunk, too — is this also, in fact, usual? Hopefully, it was a literal riding, horse-style.

Judging from Lou's phrasing and reaction, as well as this episode's whole thing so far, it was probably not.

Which is... not good at all. Yeah.

We'll never truly know, with Joris's unreliable narration in this episode. But I am sad to report, that I don't think it would be out of character for Kerubim to... have these things happen to him, and be okay with that.

And it's in-character for Lou to view Kerubim's habits of getting drunk and gambling everything away, while having ambiguously-nonconsensual (on his side) relations with women, as punishable evils on his part, good old "shit boyfriend" behaviours.

Instead of, y'know, self-destruction.

...Okay, I think I am ready to present something to you, so here's a refresher for my earlier liveblogs, in the form of the six tenets of theorizing about their final break up we established:

She left sad, and unlike many other times, without any anger for Kerubim.

She left Luis with him to watch over him.

She also left Luis because he couldn’t go with her, but that could mean many things.

She left after Ecaflip City, obviously, and at that time, their relationship seemed the healthiest. (Well, as healthy as it could be.)

Unlike all the other times, Kerubim didn’t go searching for her. It seems this separation was final in a way no other was, and there had to be a reason that he didn’t go and try to make up. An unsolvable issue.

Both Luis and Kerubim blame Kerubim, and the first one uses this to make the second one angry.

I think it's time to make to finally reveal my Divorce Theory:

I think Lou left Kerubim after regaining her memories, and realizing that they're just bad for each other.

She often manipulated him using his insecurities and fears of abandonment, which are the result of his childhood traumas. She hit him, and disregarded, or at times exacerbated, his various mental health issues.

While he has cheated on her many times while being completely sober, without any regard for her personhood and feelings. He's gambled away her memories.

Yes, they loved each other, but they were horrible together.

And I think it's a very sad realization to have about someone you've been in love with for your whole life:

That all you've ever managed to do is hurt each other, and make things worse.

...Now that I'm done with sad divorce theories, let's finish up this episode.

The newspaper that shows miss Kitty behind bars, has all the same text as the newspaper where Kerubim is behind bars, so I won't include it, but this?

This has a plot twist:

"EM ILIE EST U(N)E FIOTTE"

...Emilie, if you're out there: years ago, in Dofus: Aux Trésors de Kerubim, someone called you a bad word.

And I hope it was a joke and not some office drama. I really do hope so.

...My reaction to this whole fucking episode, Keke.

My exact reaction to all of it.

This is the face of a parent who knows that he will have to assess the damage. A second plane has hit the fucking pentagon level damage.

The "will he be asking me what "riding" means now?" "will he be asking me why "you ate a kitten" allegations got me into prison?" level damage.

Actual nightmare.

[yawnderu]

🐝🏜️ 🪐

From this game!

Hii!!

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

@moosch I fucking LOVE moosch I love talking about Keegan with her. Our discord conversations and comments are literally full of Keegan stuff NFJKGFRJHBK and her art is so fucking amazing so go check that out too! Her Keegan art is literally my Roman Empire <3

@hereisrachel actual queen w the most based takes, I love reading her stuff and actually one of the first mutuals I had in here, fueled my Makarov addiction BJHFEHBJEFHJBFE

@actuallyhiswife one of my first mutuals too!! I love her stuff sm and that fucking Neil video is actually another Roman Empire for me NEFHBJEFHJBK always lovely to see her sharing stuff and posting<3

@kenthegaefrog ACTUAL KING!! My husband from VERY far away, literally always get so happy to see him in my asks<3 I OWE U THAT ONE ASK BUT I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS IN MY HEAD RN EHFJBEHBJF

@naivegh0ul have u guys ever read her posts? actual queen who writes THE juiciest smut and is supportive af!! I love seeing u in my mentions HBJFEHJBFEJHB

I'm mentioning the mutuals I interact the most with but I always see the same group of people always liking and reblogging my posts and I fucking LOVE U SO MUCH<333

🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

Besides the unhinged tags and reblogs, I deadass love any compliments on the way I write certain characters! I like to write tender love and yearning, so receiving compliments of people who enjoy that always makes me really happy<3

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

This one has me thinking good and hard BUT it was easier to think about than before which makes me happy

I have great friends around me and I finally have a hobby that I enjoy.

I got out of a toxic relationship after years of clinging to that person like a lifeline, and I got to experience a completely different life that I hope I can one day have for myself,

I'm working out more and more and the muscle is more defined, which makes me happy since I can see my progress<3 taking the chance to post a pic of my quad pump when I reached my 352lbs/160KG PR on leg press! tattoo reveal too LMAO

Thank u for the ask<3333

[decarbry]

Okay, sorry this is like the 5th ask I've sent you but this is the last one (for now). I just finished reading ALL of the stuff under the Yabureme tag and I just AHHHH. This Au officially has me by the chokehold. I thoroughly enjoyed your comics, side-art, and playlist made for this AU! I'd been enjoying the art for awhile now after finding you on tik tok but I'd never fully looked into the story line and I am SO GLAD that I did! It's amazing and truly something to be proud of.

First off, I want to start with how absolutely heartbreaking all of this was to read, which I loved, angst is one of my favourite tropes. As mentioned in a previous ask I was listening to the playlist and a particular song came on while I was reading the Hizashi commentating for the sports festival AU and it just broke my heart even more.

Secondly, I love the design of Yabuzawa and I love what you wrote for 3-1 to 3-3 all of it was amazing. You definitely have talent! My favourite part of those three chapters was probably when he'd discovered his eyes on his hand and made them chase each other.

I also really enjoyed 4-1, as heartbreaking as it was, I loved all of it! Hizashi just needs a hug tbh so does Yabuzawa. They need to hug each other more specifically. I think the most heartbreaking hear was "And he'd be back. In just a minute, he'd be back." Bravo, honestly. Had me crying the Entire time. I think 4-2 hurt the most though, once again I say Hizashi needs a hug, a hug from the one person that he can't have a hug from!

Overall I loved all of it (this includes chapter five and six, I just don't wanna spoil anything in my ask), as an artist and a writer I can appreciate someone else's talent and you definitely have a lot of it! I can't wait for more! Genuinely, I am so in love with this AU it's unbelievable! Your art is incredible, your story is even better, and sorry for repeating myself, can't wait for more!

First off I am. SO sorry it took me so long to answer this. It's so sweet and thought out and anytime I get a message as nice as this I get self-conscious and freeze and let it sit until I can fully consume the kindness <3 but I'm SO glad you've enjoyed the story so far!! I'm so addicted to the story and what I have planned and I hope it continues to be something that you like to read!!

The Yabureme-POV chapters are my ultimate favorite to write, he just rolls so easily off of my brain for some reason so I'm SUPER glad you like those chapters!

[taralen]

A Moment of Clarity 💌

So, over the course of my entire life, I have never once actually blogged any moments of mental breakdowns/madness until this year (specifically the past month or so I've been active here.)

For the record, when I say I'm crazy, I am not LARPing or just kinning a character because I think it's cute or quirky. I am a real deal nutjob who can actually say I know what a psychiatric ward is like. I've been through a slew of doctors, psychiatrists, and therapists over most of my life. Every day, I must take a cocktail of prescriptions just to stay functional, and even then, they don't always work. I'm not addicted to any substance, but sometimes I do feel saner on a substance than without. That's the really sad reality of how broken my brain is.

It's fascinating to me when I can look at posts I wrote while manic and think, "Did I really write that?" It reframes my perspective a bit. Right now, I'm stable, but I know it's not going to last. I feel the need to type this while I am.

I'm being transparent about this because I'm tired of pretending I'm sane and normal. Additionally, I really appreciate the kindness and support people have shown to me on this site. I can say for certain that aside from super close friends, I have trepidations about being open with others. I always feared that no one would want to be my friend, look at my art, or engage with me, knowing full well I am a trainwreck. I intentionally locked my heart away for nearly a decade now since I was terrified at the thought of someone getting close to me only for them to leave because they realize I'm insane.

Man, I don't know what else to say except thank you all for being so accepting and nice to a nutty sonofabitch like me. If it's because of a certain [[specil salesman]], then God Bless Toby for making an insane character handled with enough tact that thousands of people love. It honestly brings a tear to my eye knowing someone like me isn't totally worthless, haha. Love to all who have been so kind and supportive. Even one little hashtag or nice comment is enough to brighten my day.

I already know I'm going to read this while manic and laugh about it or scorn myself for being a piece of trash, but for now, I'm going to enjoy this moment, haha.

❤♥️❤♥️❤♥️❤♥️♥️❤♥️❤♥️❤♥️❤♥️❤♥️❤❤♥️❤♥️❤♥️❤

Credit to @superdrawer11 for the cute gif

[residentraccoon]

Ok we have all the songs, time to make a top, with comments even 😳

1. Norway - I love love love this one, this eerie, thrilling melody mixed with the medieval theme and old norwegian language just makes this song perfect and no other song of this year can come any closer to it. Very unique, true to their homeland, absolute masterpiece. I'm definitely following more of Gåte's discography from now on!

2. Estonia - Well they're singing about drugs here and this song is exactly like a drug - addictive. What sells it is their awesome, slightly batshit crazy energy (I absolutely love it) and let's not forget the traditional instruments. I can see a Trenulețul scenario with this one tbh.

3. Slovenia - Absolutely magical, the structure of this song is pretty uncommon and the lil RRAH sounds are interesting, love how it takes a while to build-up and I just get chills all over. This one is a piece of art.

4. San Marino - This song is destroying my Spotify wrapped and it's not even funny, there's something about this one that makes it instantly addictive. I've listened to Megara since last year when they were at Spain's NF with Arcadia and all I can say is that I love their style. Sassy pink and punk rock with a touch of Spanish traditional sounds during the bridge, they just mesh together so well. I don't understand why it's so underrated (currently last in the odds lmfao) and I'm looking forward to their live performance.

5. Denmark - Generic pop song my beloved, why is it so catchy though? I've said it in a previous post, I just reminds me of songs I'd hear in 2013 or so and I love the "Oh-Oh" parts. Lovely

6. Lithuania - The beat hits, it's just awesome fr. Lovely staging and colors, Lithuanian sounds so pretty and melodic as well as his voice.

7. Belgium - Wonderful build-up, the song at first sounds very chill and gives me Blanche vibes (I looked it up and they have the same composer so not surprised lmao) but man, the climax is greaaaaat!! Especially with that choir in the backing. My only gripe would be that he keeps repeating the title over and over again, which can become a bit tiring. But just a bit. It's still a great song!

8. Switzerland - I don't know whose idea was to mix opera and drum n bass together but they're a genius, this is really cool, like absolutely nuts. I love how the bridge is very soft and quiet, opposing the loud and dramatic chorus, I feel like the song itself is pretty messy and inconsistent but I really like that, it's very out of the box and innovative. Genius entry.

9. Latvia - Underrated, I can see why it might fail to grab an audience in the fandom but I really like this one, especially his voice. The song flows nicely too, I only wish the staging would be a bit more...dynamic though? I really want Latvia to qualify for once, felt like it might have a chance since it could attract some casual viewers (some of my casual friend watchers really liked it!) but seeing how brutal semifinal 2 is (and one spot will be inevitably taken by...yeah won't elaborate) I'm afraid Latvia's out for this year as well. I hope at least for a surprise or who knows. That's only how I feel at this moment.

10. Spain - My biggest grower of this year and a total banger, I don't understand why it slaps so hard it has no business to, the message is SO real and it's so unapologetically sassy.

11. Czechia - Same story as with Latvia, underrated to hell and back, I know the live version is...a lil terrible but the studio one I really like. Love how you can feel the frustration through her shouty lyrics and how she's blaming herself for not loving herself more instead (also the beginning might or might not remind me of Aijā I mean the intro with the drums makes me think of it-) ANYWAY

12. Croatia - Listen I'm very happy for Croatia being seen as a most likely winner of this year, they deserve it, Baby Lasagna is an amazing man and the message is on point, even if it's not exactly my favorite I definitely root for him!! Please meow back if you agree. Besides this, the glam ethno rock sound is just 👌 chef's kiss

13. Armenia - Love love love that they brought something ethnic!! The girl's energy is infectious and she's such a joy to watch, the music video is very pretty and describes their culture so well, overall I adore this.

14. Netherlands - GREAT I relistened to it so I can rank it and now I have Europapapapapapa stuck in my head how wonderful. This tells me already that this is such an infectious bop that will never leave your head. Possible televote winner, love the quirkiness and Joost is really goofy we stan.

15. Greece - Welcome to Greece, everyone who visits the country is obligated to listen to this the moment they step out of the plane- /j It's so Greek, so fun, so ethnic, geez what's happening with everyone being so diverse and true to their culture this year? This song screams summer vacation in Greece and I'm here for it.

16. France - The raw emotions in this...he sings with his heart and soul, his voice is very deep and gruff which feels a bit unusual to hear such an intimate and emotional ballad from him, but this is what makes the song special.

17. Italy - Love her attitude and how she sells the song, it's very sassy and fun, won't be surprised to see Italy get yet another Top 5 finish with this.

18. Ukraine - Interesting mix of melancholic pop and energetic chanting and rap. Alyona just nails the rap part perfectly. Overall nice song, grew off me but still great.

19. Ireland - This makes me have chills all over my body. It's very haunting and suspenseful, I love the uncommon unique sound and how they recite the lyrics as they are a poem/creating a curse, I simply love how avant-garde Ireland are this year! Finally they're taking a risk and even if the song is unconventional i hope it will have a following that will help them get through the semi! 🤞

20. Poland - Oh look another grower, it's such a cute song for some reason and her voice is so pleasant to the ears.

21. Serbia - At first I thought it's a bit boring but now I find myself mumbling "Lila Ramondaaaa", like it has a hook even if it's a melancholic ballad.

22. Portugal - The emotions in this are immaculate, she conveys all her struggles in life so well into a ballad that's somewhat soft-sounding. Epic.

23. Australia - For some reason this song takes me back to 2015-2016 and I don't get why?? Maybe I heard music that's similar to this in that period, who knows. That chorus slaps immensely, as well as the didgeridoo(I hope that's the instrument), but I'm not extremely head over heels about it. It's enjoyable still!

24. Malta - Contrary to popular belief I enjoyed the revamp, she made it easier to sing live and it just has more oomph, good job, Malta.

25. Finland - The whole 3 minutes are absolutely batshit insane and I love it fr, these dudes are a delight to watch. The song tbh I like it but not that much to rank it higher, but I appreciate the craziness, the message, what sells it is definitely the staging and the guys' stage persona.

26. Austria - Mmmmm I know it's a fan favorite but I'm not a big fan of this, like I've said before in some other posts. The hype at first was highly irritating (especially on twitter, dear god 💀) for such a...just okay/good song? First of all I appreciate the throwback to the late 90s/early 00s eurodance/synthpop music that was popular back then, I think it does a great job imitating the vibes of it, but at the same time is it just me or this song feels so...calculated and has this eurovision-specific formula in its structure/sound? It was definitely made for it being performed live and to pander to the yass queen slay ate and left no crumbs-side of the fandom? Which honestly kinda drags it down a lot for me.

27. Sweden - I can't unhear parts of Air in this, well actually that's their style, neat electro pop tbh, I can bop to this, pretty enjoyable.

28. Moldova - Falls flat but what makes it a bit stronger is the vocalisations in the chorus, as well as the lil ethnic sounds. That drum is also quite catchy. They have to pull out a wonder-staging for this to qualify.

29. Georgia - If Georgia isn't qualifying with this one then that means their only hope is borrowing Loreen at this point. It's a competent girl bop with powerful vocals, that has a dedicated following, but I appreciate that even if it's a girl bop it's not so aggressively in your face like...other examples I've seen before. I'm personally not big on it, but it's nice.

30. Azerbaijan - Oh? Azerbaijan sends something in their language, what is this 2050? And not with a melfest reject? For the 2nd year in a row? I'm very impressed, but even with all these I don't feel that attached to the song, just glad they took a risk instead of renting a swede for safe qualification like they did in the past years. I love the ethnic touches though.

31. Luxembourg - Cute and peppy french bop, although a bit generic and that's about it, no strong feelings.

32. Cyprus - Mmm your regular girlie pop of the year, unsurprisingly from Cyprus as well. Pretty catchy, has a cool vibe but I'm not feeling anything about it.

33. United Kingdom - Just a competent mid-tempo boy bop, honestly nothing much to say since it kinda failed to impress me. Good effort though.

34. Albania - I don't get why they changed it into english, why they turned it more upbeat (I liked the balladier version more) and the rap part feels disjointed. Albania wanted to relive their 2016-2017 era I see.

35. Germany - I'm sorry but this song bores me to death and can't listen to it without zoning out which is a shame because he's a competent singer (his voice is the best thing about Germany this year) and I'm afraid they're again heading for a bottom 3 finish 💀

36. Iceland - Mmm this isn't is, Iceland. Very sorry. Sounds like it would get 13th in 2004, it's a very by-the-letters eurodance.

I will not rank Israel here. It's still mind-boggling that they're still allowed to participate.

[closedshop]

we don't talk much but i really love it when i see u on my dash ^_^ the way u speak is so light and whimsical and airy idk its so pleasant to read and i think smtimes i wanna embody that too. i'm not super into enstars anymore but i like reading your analyses and stuff theyre super interesting!!!

Ah, thank you〜! We probably don’t talk much because of my shyness as much as it is a dual effort but to exist under the same sky is so nice. Funnily enough, I have had so, so, so many people comment on the way I speak and the weird stuff I say (my boyfriend & Noelle have said I just “say things” sometimes & the church seems to think my thought processes in general are unreasonable LOL but I think it’s in a cute way at least. I hope?) on various separate occasions and the way it’s worded always fascinates me since it’s always a little bit different. I don’t mind & kind of even like it, I’m used to being observed and commented on.

I once made a tweet about it stating “My friends & lover tend to be witnesses to my, quote, shakespearean demeanour｡｡｡my form of speech has been commented on by others, referred to as "whimsical", even. My boyfriend frequently likes to point out how weird I am too, lovingly I presume.” I have screenshots of a few instances saved though there have been very many. Why? It simply amuses me! Being perceived appears to have it’s perks.

But, enough of that! I am so touched you’d say that I’m pleasant to read｡｡｡I’m someone who thinks a little too deeply about everything in the world, not just the things he likes, but I am prone to being pretentious in that regard (and very much proud, I shall say! Despite my occasional, negative form of self consciousness at the fact.) I’ve been forcing my mutuals to learn about the things I like this way for years like second-hand smoke and since ansta is my big interest now that I’m older even more so hahaha ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡ I think I’ve never shut up in the past four years about anything, though, especially as I learn to become less unashamed about the things I love. It’s okay if you don’t ansuta as hard as I do anymore, after all, our feelings for things can be so fleeting, I’m happy to have your company as is.

I don’t like to call them analysis directly, typically, because I don’t like to seem too full of myself or try-hard or fake-deep, but when other people do so it makes me happy in a way, to know my observations are appreciated and seen as interesting and even novel at times (I get so excited or otherwise feel a lot when others point out things I haven’t noticed, so to think I can make others feel the same—!), or at least just nice to read about in the way I put them. I’ve had cases where I have a belief but someone is able to put it into words so well and even add to it and it’s like… wow… kyah. But anyway, it used to be an insecurity, as someone who fears coming off like this:

Speaking of, I’ve kept them mostly to twitter nowadays whether in small or big doses (partly due to my compulsions that kept me away from blogging for a bit, that was a really sad time 🥲) since the exposure of my mind to the masses has become addictive to me, but I’m so happy you’re here and still enjoy them. I’ve even had crazy long letter exchanges in the form of long screenshots of thoughts back and forth with likeminded people and it’s like, omg. It’s probably not healthy to be that hooked so I’ve been trying to reel myself back into the tumblr sphere where it is more for my own sake than anything, but it’s so fun to engage in discussions about anything ever, really!

My friends tell me things like saying I’m well spoken and other nice things I have forgotten yet definitely internalized and it brings a kind of euphoria I can’t explain because it’s something I can’t Help I love that everything in the world means so much to me and I love art and everything in the universe basically except for the things I hate and that hurt me badly and sometimes the things I truly love wound me and that’s fine too. I try my best to convey my feelings because honestly, I don’t necessarily even think in words. It’s more vague abstract feelings and concepts that I have to try to string together 🥹 so to do so successfully makes me happy. SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON SO MUCH ABOUT, well, myself! I don’t mean to be self-absorbed, but aren’t we all living inside our heads? That’s where our brain is.

I think the most important part is to be yourself unapologetically｡｡｡being light and whimsical to mee is fun and comes naturally ♪ sometimes I wish I was just like the sun, and hope I won’t burn anyone. I don’t play these things up or anything. It’s an earnest portrayal, despite the more grotesque aspects I keep hidden. Anyone can embody what they would like to and become their best/most preferred self, if they try, I’m sure! Though it is hard to be so malleable. I want to be truer to myself and better every day｡｡｡there’s also the aspect of, as my best friend Kris said, a few minutes ago, the way the self wills itself to be. I’ve worked hard to shape myself and be comfortable with it, and I’m happy to be loved for it. Thank you to anyone who read.

[cheshire-castle-library]

I've been playing around on Bluesky for a couple weeks now and I have opinions; but other than "ooh shiny" drawing me to use it, I don't really think I'm going to stay posting there forever. It's like Twitter, which means its like Twitter, and I don't really want to have a habit of "instant media consumption", which is why I deleted TikTok and why I avoid Instagram. I don't want to be that addicted to the instant dopamine hit of each new post.

At least here, I have to look, ingest something, make a decision, and then either leave it alone or record it for later. Like, at the end of the day, I'll without fail find content on Tumblr that turns out to be a resource that I can apply to future goals and projects; which I can do along side getting to be mass-social in a semi-safe way, and getting to be creative in a semi-safe way.

What I noticed about being on Bluesky was that I felt like everything I was doing was "begging for attention". Which, is kind of what all social media is about; but the reason I post on Tumblr is very different than posting on Twitter/Bluesky. Here, I share a story because I expect that someone, somewhere will see it eventually. Sometimes that happens, and I post something that helps or at least interests someone that day. Sometimes that happens, and I post something that goes unseen for weeks or months, but at some point someone sees it and vibes and maybe it matters a little. And sometimes it doesn't go anywhere at all; but it still has the potential to be seen and to help someone. There's at least a chance that anything I post might matter to someone down the line; so I post and I try to be authentic about it so that my experiences can help other people with their experiences. On Tumblr, posts aren't instantly disposable - they don't cease to matter after they cross your eyes, because there's still a chance you'll see it on my blog, or deep enough in the tag, or reblogged from someone else.

But on a "media flood" sight like Bluesky and Twitter, I know everything I post dies within a few hours, if it didn't die as soon as I hit send. Sure, some TikToks get passed around, but how many do, out of the billions out there? Each Twitter and Bluesky update is like a text message into the aether, once its conveyed its very time-sensitive meaning, it no longer has value. And unfortunately that leads more complex communications, like art that is posted out there, to be treated as a consumable too. That format of social media means, I have to try and get attention, or I simply do not exist.

And that's not comfortable. I don't like having to think about my life from the perspective of "what little tidbit in each moment of my day could I make public online to make someone like me". It's not the way I was raised, and if you are essentially vying for "survival" (read as "existance" or "humanity", in this case) you never relax or find a status quo. The recreational media fails to to be recreation.

I know I make studyblr posts that are effectively "this is what I did today", but those are different in my eyes. That's a matter of "this is what I find important in life, here's what I'm proud of" and include some "pretty" picture to go along with it; and I don't really.... need the validation of having it reblogged or interacted with, to feel like I am intrinsically a human in a human space. It does feel nice to have people like something I posted, but I don't live like I need it seen in order to feel valid in having a blog. But almost instantly on Bluesky, I found myself sharing inane little things I wouldn't bother sharing here, and making comments I wouldn't assume anyone wanted on their posts here, and generally doing things that were more meant to show that I was there and alive and human, than they were meant to actually interact and make some positive effect or creation within that community. Which is not my reason for using a social media.

So once all the people on my list who want to see Bluesky for themselves have their invite code, I'll probably stop using it; the same way I don't use Twitter often, and the same way I don't use Instagram often. Of all the hellsites, Tumblr is mine. And my internet presence will probably die when it does.

[im-getting-help]

Let me tell youuu! It not only haunted me, I think it saved my fucking life.

In 2020 I came back to fandom spaces thanks to the It movies.

It started in twitter. I was lurking, looking for memes, and I found one of those screenshot fics accounts and began reading Turtle Creek. (that format was insane! I kinda miss it tho).

Eventually, ended up in ao3. The same person who was writing some of the twitter accounts wrote some fics there.

I kept reading through twitter cause, again, that format of screenshot stories was addictive and I found a very interesting fic.

This fic was a short story that was all text messages until the last chapter. In this, Eddie texts a wrong number and it turns out to be Richie, but obviously they don't know. They keep texting and I'm not going to spoil cause when I tell you this one is GOOD I'm not lying.

That fic becames one of my absolute favorites. I love that fic with my heart.

When covid restrictions stopped in my country, (around 2021) I said goodbye to It and went back to normal boring life.

You see, for the longest time I lived like a closeted fan. I'm not sure what made me so reluctant to be active in fandom but I just couldn't. I didn't want to be a fan and I was afraid to interact with communities. I didn't like, shared or comment anything. I was like a ghost, I read, y watched and I left. My close friends knew what I liked and once in a while I talked about how much I loved the It movies, but specifically online I didn't want anything to do with fandom. So, when covid stopped I thought the logical thing to do was to just go back to living "normal life".

I started uni and time passed. Then, around march of 2023 I was looking for something in the IG stories archive and found a story I made with a Pennywise filter and thought "Aw! the It fandom! Nice ❤".

A week later I can't stop thinking about It. I'm in class and I remember a meme i've seen in twitter 3 years ago and I start laughing. I find an old drive file filled with It memes I download in 2020. I go to twitter to see if I can find Turtle Creek and it's gone. I don't remember any of the user names of the people who wrote those other fics i read at the time. I never followed anyone and I never interacted with anyone, I don't remember fics names or accounts. I only have some memes and art, some from artists that they don't even have accounts anymore.

The thing is, I was entering depression again at that time. Just like in 2020, the It fandom was holding my hand and telling me "Hey! here is something lovely for you to enjoy today, life isn't horrible!" so, I relented. I came back to tumblr, I opened an account on ao3 and started looking for new fics. For some reason I thought all the fics I read on twitter were lost forever (so dramatic lol).

Months passed and istg if it wasn't for It fics I'm sure I would've dropped out of uni. I was so fucking depressed, the only thing that motivated me was reading a new one shot or next chapter and I used it as a reward to study. I used it as a reward to get out of bed sometimes. When I was really depressed I thought 'I want to know what happens in the next chapter' 'I want to read one more fic by x author', 'maybe x abandoned fic finally gets an update'.

Around september I was scrolling through the reddie tag and I find this fic, 'Wrong Number' by Blissymbolics (amazing writer!!) that sounds really interesting. Is a story in which Eddie texts a stranger by accident and it turns out to be Richie... guys... I cried re-reading that fic. It felt like finding an old friend on a crowded street and giving them a big hug. I was in a call with friend like "DUDE I FOUND IT!! I FOUND THAT AWESOME FIC I READ ON TWITTER!"

After that I think something clicked, I was like, yeah I love this place, I want to be part of the communities, I want to interact and leave comments, the writers deserve to know how much I love their works, how they make my day better every time they post.

So yeah, it haunted me, and it saved me. I honestly think it literally saved me.

has anyone else ever had a fanfic that just… haunts them? like it’s been months and maybe even years since you read it, but it just lingers with you and you can never truly leave behind the imprint it made on you? and maybe it’s just a single line, one sentence that you can’t shake off, that takes up residence in your mind and stays there, feeding into your psyche and subtly influencing your brainspace and maybe even your writing or other works?

[northwest-cryptid]

Hey, thx for your tags when reposting my work, while not looking exactly canon, i do love the diverse body types, and I find the bones very pretty!

I’m so glad someone share the massage I try to convey!! Like, not 101 replicas, just the beauty of shapes and bodies!

I gotta say I appreciate that you didn't immediately get defensive about how I took that last comment on the post. I admittedly didn't expect to get an actually nice message about my tags at all, let alone from the creator of the art.

Your artwork is great by the way, I just wish as a boney individual that people would stop telling me I need to eat more or that I need to put meat on my bones. I'm glad to know there are artists out there who have an appreciation for bones that aren't depicting them as something grotesque or bad.

It's genuinely hard to find representation for someone who has my sort of body type, at least representation that isn't the same sort of generic depressed person with some kind of alcohol or smoking addiction, who's usually young; and portrayed as a generally bad person. The stereotype that people can't be that skinny without having an eating disorder or without being malnourished has never really helped my mental image of myself.

When we do get representation for "skinny people" we usually get people who are actually just, average fit people being passed off as "skinny" and it can get kind of annoying.

For what it's worth, I'm sorry if I came across a bit harsh in my tags; it's absolutely one of those things where I've sort of heard the same comments my whole life. So I admit the reaction I have to that sort of thing is disproportionate to the actual comment itself, I gotta work on that. I appreciate that you didn't get upset with me over it.

[cat-brrr]

My dump , my precious dump

[ssa-atlas-alvez]

Cowboy!reader Masterlist

Because apparently y’all love this lol (see- see what I did there? Y’all)

I'm trying to put these in a rough order as I go in the fic universe to try and make it easier to read aha

Edith

Description: cowboy has an elderly neighbour (this is literally just cowboy and his neighbour, in my head set before he joins the BAU) Warnings: none

Interestin'

Description: Cowboy reader is new to the team and is feeling unheard. Warnings: bad government knowledge on Atlas' part, I did try to google it but idk guys, trying my best here. Oh, also, stress eating.

I Understand

Description: directly follows from 'interestin'', cowboy reader talks down a teenage unsub. Warnings: guns, hostage negotiations, untrusting team

Lies

Description: Directly follows 'I Understand', Hotch accuses cowboy reader of lying to the teen unsub. Warnings:

The Post That Started It All

Description: Warnings: gunshot wound.

Baking and House Plants

Description: Warnings: briefly mentions anxiety.

Poetry

Description: Cowboy and Spencer talk about reading Warnings: the only thing I can think of is that reader suggests to spencer to read the warnings of a book reader likes

Allergies (Not Really)

Description: Warnings: transphobia, sad reader, guns, bullet wound, fighting, briefly mentions some murders to set the scene a bit, someone calls reader a redneck.

More (Not) Allergies

Description: Allergies (Not Really) Part 2 Warnings: minor sad reader.

Flirting, reckless driving, I didn't mean to hit you I promise

Description: Warnings: minor car accident, unsub is not a nice man, brief mentions of killings/murders.

Stronger Coffee

Description: an cop says a few offhand comments about Derek and you don't take no shit. Warnings: hints to racism (nothing 'on screen'), blood

Mama's Boy

Description: (Follow up from Flirting, reckless driving, I didn't mean to hit you I promise) Warnings: Brief mentions of murder and kidnapping (super brief), a man tries to intimidate a woman, that’s about it. Oh, some swearing. 

Pretty As A picture

Description: Warnings: a shelter?

Gay Panic

Description: Warnings: gay panic, some unsavoury thoughts - like one

Arts and Crafts

Description: Reader does arts and crafts Warnings: n/a

Gay Panic Part 2

Description: Cowboy gets hit on Warnings: None

Darla

Description: Cowboy is in love... Warnings: n/a

Tattoos

Description: the team sees cowboy's tattoos Warnings: n/a

Mermaids and Unicorns

Description: A kid sees his first real life cowboy Warnings: n/a

Protector

Description: a guy hits on JJ at a bar and cowboy reader is not happy about it. Set before they confess their feelings, they're still "friends" here. Warning: unwanted touching (arm around the shoulder), and guy tries to kiss JJ (when she doesn't want it)

Sleepover

Description: JJ thinks cowboy looks huggable. Warnings: none

Sunflower Seeds

Description: Warnings: Death, sadness, abuse, bad foster parents, death of a child, murderous foster parents. Word count: 2403

Quit

Description: Warnings: Smoking, addiction (smoking)

The Art of Actually Quitting

Description: JJ helps cowboy tackle his smoking addiction. Warnings: Addiction, reader snaps

I'm Sorry, I Promise, Have Some Flowers

Description: Warnings:

My Bio Daddy

Description: Not sexy times I swear. Cowboy reader's father visits, things don't go too well... Warnings: abuse, abusive parents, abduction, claustrophobia, judgy nurse, hospital visits, child abuse mentions

Farmers Tan

Description: just a little snippet of cowboy reader and the team really Warnings: n/a

Southern Belle Ex

Description: the BAU run into an old friend of cowboy reader while near his home town Warning: jealousy, mentions past smoking addiction, that's about it

Home

Description: Being close to home, the team finally get to meet reader's family. Things start out great and then... Not so much. Reader makes sure his younger brother knows that despite what their parents have said, he's still there for them. Warning: homophobia, someone nearly says the f-slur twice (they don't say the whole thing, reader puts them in their place), mentions of going to conversion therapy, pro-conversion therapy views, being kicked out because of sexuality, unaccepting parents, unaccepting sibling (Jason's a bit of a dick and I stand by that). I think that's everything.

Outlaws

Description: Cowboy reader babysits Jack Warnings: None

I was worried

Description: Warnings: Blood, guns, gun shot wound, passing out, hospitals, some swear words

Sleepless

Description: cowboy reader can't sleep :( Warnings: can't sleep (idk if it's insomnia tho), very tired reader, I think that's all

Birthday

Description: Warnings: implications of claustrophobia, it's his first birthday party so he's a bit overwhelmed bless him (I say over a fully grown man)

Sick

Description: cowboy reader gets sick and makes some confessions. And it's what everyone's been waiting for Warnings: illness, mentions throwing up (no actual throwing up), cold/flu, mentions high temperature, reader feels rough, yeah

Dates

Description: Warnings:

Crazy Ex Girlfriend

Description: Dana, an old 'friend' of reader turns up at his work place and decides to make a scene. Warnings: reader gets slapped, crazy ex girlfriend, she insults JJ, she calls her a sl^t and wh0re, she also tells reader to 'burn in h3ll'

Rain and Thunder

Description: It's raining, and reader can't help but feel connected with the earth. Ever the romantic, this particular type of weather leads to more discussions of feelings. Takes place quite some time after 'Sick' and 'Dates' but you guys dont know about dates yet. I've not written it yet but it happens before this. Warnings: rain, thunder, lightning, that's it this one is happy feelings, bit cliche but ya know I enjoyed writing it aha

TikTok

Description: Cowboy reader tries tiktok Warnings: None

Guitar

Description: Cowboy reader shows JJ his secret talent (sfw don't worry) Warnings: hints to kissing? That's literally it, oh and some bad language at the end.

(No) Self-Preservation

Description: scar reveal. Warnings: scars, abusive backstory.

Promise

Description: JJ and Cowboy hit a rough patch, the song is promise by Laufey (just in case you can't see it, Tumblr's being annoying for me) Warnings: sadness :'), smoking

Like A ______

Description: Warnings:

Save A Horse

Description: Warnings:

Allergy Reunion

Description: Mia and reader reunite, chaos ensues. Warnings: gun shots, unsubs go to the school, guns, schools targeted, criminal minds levels of violence (maybe even on the slightly tamer side).

All For Nothing (Part 1)

Description: Cowboy doesn't make it in time... Warnings: Death, death of children and a parent, shock, blood, mentions of a shelter/homelessness

taglist under the cut

Taglist: @xweirdo101x @xdark-acadamiax @ara-a-bird @heidss @chubbyboyinflannel @pendragon-writes @migwayne @bigolgay @technikerin23 @supercriminalbean @honestlycasualarcade @caffeine-mess @1s3v3n1 @oddmiles @kevyeen @stealing-kneecaps @criminalskies @woodandwaxwings @wizardmon3 @aphroditeslovr @ducks118 @azeal-peal @13thdoctor-run @introvertpan84 @goth-boi-atlas @iliketozoneout @chaosofmanyfandoms @logicalhorror @luvfornick @prmsn-17

@xweirdo101x @xdark-acadamiax @ara-a-bird @heidss @chubbyboyinflannel @pendragon-writes @migwayne @bigolgay @technikerin23 @supercriminalbean @honestlycasualarcade @caffeine-mess @1s3v3n1 @oddmiles @kevyeen @stealing-kneecaps @criminalskies @woodandwaxwings @wizardmon3 @aphroditeslovr @ducks118 @azeal-peal @13thdoctor-run @introvertpan84 @goth-boi-atlas @iliketozoneout @chaosofmanyfandoms @logicalhorror @luvfornick @prmsn-17 @pinxeajin

I might have missed some people out - I'm very sorry if I have, also please let me know either in my inbox, on here, or message if you wanna be added to the taglist :)

[prsk-krow]

hiii ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ im obsessed with your works as of right now, and i was wondering if i could request mafuyu and ena with a burnt out digital artist reader,, reader has a major lack of motivation and genuinely doesn't like anything they make ^.^ ty if you take the rq!!

{Mafuyu/Ena with burnt out artist reader!}

Ah, thanks! I'm glad my writing is causing as much of an addiction as prsk has got me in! Seriously, I may be too obsessed with this game... Caw.

Mafuyu Asahina

After Mafuyu dropped her act around you, she became your favorite critic! So many of your friends just praised your works of art without analyzing them or really caring about it, so Mafuyu's blunt criticisms were a refreshing change, especially since they were backed up by analysis and honesty!

Listening to her criticism and trying to improve your next piece keeping it in mind was something that you didn't think you'd enjoy as much, but it does make you feel like you're slowly but surely getting better!

Mafuyu also tended to stay with you and looking at your art was something that she could feel some interest in. Maybe it was related to the fact that you always listened to her true thoughts and didn't care about her lack of sweetened talk... It was refreshing, in a way.

Today was supposed to be just like any normal day, as she headed to your classroom to meet you inside, after everyone else had already left. When she saw you there, twirling your pen in your hands as your face showed exhaustion, she quickly realized what was going on before you could even come up with an excuse.

"Ah, I should've seen this coming. You're drawing a blank, huh? It's ok, I don't mind. It would be best to not force anything and just take a break for now. I know that you're not gonna get worse with just a few days, so it should be fine."

You didn't expect her to be so nice, but she simply said that she said whatever came to her mind. This could only mean that she truly cared about your well-being, not just your art, huh...

You didn't even have a chance to refuse and keep trying to work, as she almost dragged you out of the classroom and took you home with her, as she spent the entire day watching over you and making sure that you weren't trying to force yourself to come up with something. It was weird, yet comforting in a way. Who knew she cared so much...?

Ena Shinonome

Having a good artist pal was a great help, especially when you just needed to vent out your issues that only other artists could understand, both you and Ena! It was quite de-stressing, and it was hard to think about life without someone like her, now that you two chatted everyday! Or, night.

You were one of her few classmates at night classes, and you two quickly bonded over your struggles and works! You quickly learned about her weakness to criticism, both positive and negative, so you had to learn how to comment on her art in a way that it wouldn't leave her too embarrassed or too frustrated!

However, these past few days, Ena could recognize the slow descent in inspiration behind your pieces, something that worsened over the next few days! She may not be as analyzing as her group-mates, but after a few days it was clear as day for her, even if you did your best to hide it!

As soon as she was sure of what was happening, she stopped you before you could leave with a small pretext, and she confronted you, much like she did to someone else...

"Alright, listen up, you! How many times have we talked over the days, and we have agreed that forcing yourself to create when there's nothing behind it is s terrible mistake!? I mean, I can tell how much our conversations are to you, but at this point, you're just making this worse on yourself. So for the next week, I won't look at whatever you make, understand?? You'll take a break, then thank me for forcing you into this!"

Her words were harsh, but fueled by her true feelings, unlike your latest pieces of art. You felt as if she felt as insulted by them as you had been as well... And since it was coming from someone who understood your processes and results, maybe listening to her wasn't a bad desicion.

Of course, you still made sure that she was keeping up with her constant practice! It was sad that you would have to abandon your pen for the next few days, but this wasn't too bad either... You just had to make sure that you didn't anger her again, or you'd probably get another earful... Not that you'd ever say that to her face. Some things are better left a secret!

I hope this is good enough, I don't really have the inspiration to write for two on the same scenario back to back as I have for separated ones! Not that I'm gonna prohibit them, but it's something I mentioned in my pinned! Hope you guys don't mind... Caw.

[lookbluesoup]

I think something that gets overlooked a lot in the nuance of whether people are supposed to comment/interact with people's fics and art is that... enjoying interaction and being motivated by it is not the same as being utterly destroyed and depressed by a lack of interaction. Lemme talk about how the kudos-craze affected me, personally.

Before anyone pulls out the "oh you're just such'n'such kind of writer you don't know what it feels like to be on the other side" I have been both an obscure writer with little engagement and one that was big enough to get multiple pieces of gift art/fics for my ocs.

This was the kind of stuff I got for my Fallout fics back in the day:

This is what I've been getting on my FFXIV stuff:

So... yes. It's been an adjustment changing fandoms to one that is arguably much bigger and finding I'm getting much less interaction.

Initially, back in the Fallout fandom, I was writing very personal stories, just for me, and then sharing them with people online in case they resonated with others. Getting interaction now and then was nice. And this worked great. I was writing because I enjoyed the process, connected with the characters, wanted to know what would happen next.

But as I got more and more attention, I ended up feeling a LOT of pressure to perform. And I ultimately spent so much time staring at my open drafts, worrying about whether I was writing something other people would like because I was so afraid of disappointing my followers, that I couldn't actually write anymore or enjoy creating.

That's one of those points where wanting kudos/comments/etc becomes unhealthy, and you need to take a step back from it.

I've had a lot of therapy since then. I've built some stronger, healthier relationships with people I trust, and don't feel that pressure as much anymore because I have a more stable sense of self worth. I'm not perfect about it, but I'm learning.

I think it's often brushed over by people who are in the kudos-dont-define-you camp (it even was by me, for many years), but, yes, we tell stories because we want attention. We want to reach people. Even if we have a strong internal sense of self and aren't insecure about whether there's interaction on our fics... most of us, I think, are still posting in hopes our words reach someone else, even if we don't ever know for sure that they did. I even met my now partner of two years through fic, and the wonderful comments he left on my Ao3. So I'm the last person who should be dissing the incredible power stories have for connecting people.

It should also be noted, however, that using "number go up" as a way to get happiness and motivation is scientifically proven to be harmful to creativity. They did studies with children where kids were given points for reading books, the more books they read the more points they got, and they would be rewarded for points milestones. But when that study ended, and the points system was removed? Even the kids who used to read for fun before the challenge stopped reading. Because their brains had been trained, very quickly, to be reward motivated rather than to just enjoy reading for its own sake. They didn't enjoy something they used to like anymore, and that's extremely sad.

Social media capitalizes on this, basically addiction behavior, and as creators we do need to be aware of how our brain works. It's so, so easy to fall into the mindset where writing or drawing is only worth it if we're getting flower petals back, and to end up trapped in a place where we can't even create for ourselves anymore. The goalpost is always moving, in this situation, because we're always comparing our numbers to others, or to previous posts, or just saying its not enough to hurt ourselves and always needing more. It doesn't end up being about the quality or the sincerity of the interaction.

So while it's good, completely ok, to want comments, kudos, reblogs, whatever, and to enjoy getting them, and to be motivated by them... if not getting them is causing you to spiral into disappointment and depression to such an extreme degree that you don't even like your own stories and characters anymore, consider, without shame, whether your brain has been tricked into equating numbers with self-worth.

I wish people would stop using shame as a bludgeon, though I understand there's a lot of frustration on both sides, too, and that's valid. But attacking people who are too nervous to comment on fics, and attacking people who want comments and to connect with people, are both not going to solve anything. They'll just create defensiveness and hurt.

I have seen some people say they don't even read fics anymore because they don't always have the energy to leave a thoughtful comment afterwards and they feel stressed about not giving anything to the author. So they don't read the author's writing at all because they can't do it the "correct" way. A lot of posts demanding comments and holding updates for fics hostage have hurt readers and added anxiety to the process of even taking part in fandom, and that's not healthy either. I'd much rather someone be able to read my fic, enjoy it, and say nothing to me. Because that way someone did still get to enjoy it.

While I love getting interaction, nice comments can have me smiling for days or months or years, and have allowed me to meet some incredible people, I'll continue to preach that comments and kudos are never an obligation. Readers don't have to interact with my stuff, and they don't have to give me a reason why. There's a lot of reasons why people don't leave those and most of them are benign.