#I'm actually torn over this
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sillyfudgemonkeys · 4 months ago
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Finished Reckoning of Roku. Not a lot of good to say about it, even ignoring the Kyoshi factors.
Anyway lots of thoughts. Need to organize. And I'm about to be completely and totally normal about Kyoshi. *eye twitch of a totally sane person*
Did you know she was mentioned about 34 times in the novel? :'D
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i-appear-misssing · 4 months ago
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I just had the horrible thought that I need to fall in love because having devastating crushes on beautiful, competent, authoritative women that I desperately want to please is exhausting and I need it to stop
#this one is straight so there's no room for delusion which is good#but my burning need to be her most favorite is eating me from the inside#it IS making me better at my job though#.......i mean i think so but what the fuck do i know#on friday night amongst the grueling psychosexual chaos that ensued a very smart guy that I LOVE said to me#i have no doubts you're gonna be a great psychiatrist actually#i traded a month with him to have another month with her#he's a phenomenologist she's a psychodynamic....ist? rival theories#I don't like most of psychodynamic theory.......so far#but i love the way she works and i can see how well it fits with her manymanyMANY patients and goddamnit i love personality dosorders#so i made the choice to go with her yes and im very torn casue i LOVE that guy and i wish i could become his friend like my bff from my year#also.......kind of dumb of me since I'd only soend two days a week woth her and the other three with very scary ladies#but I've been in scarier situation i can manage#and god when she praises me (silently obv she's only been forward about my merit ONCE and i almost pissed myself like an overexcited dog)#the endorphin rush is........man#but yes i need to work on this.......idk how to define it. closest i can get to explaining it is professional sub space#with strong aspects of praise kink#pathetic is what it is really#but hey if it makes me study harder who fucking cares right#I'm gonna be the smartest most intuitive fucking bitch amongst my peers so if I can't have her (them) carnally then goddamnit#I'LL HAVE THEIR PRAISE AND RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AT LEAST#........I'll be normal again in a week or two i just need to get over these next couple of days of....idk. inflammation i guess#yeah it's just like an infected wound right now#angry red throbbing hot pain#i know the drill it'll be better in a couple of days you just need to not freak out and let it do its thing#it's nice to be mature-r about emotional impulsivity and the shame that comes after an episode of deregulation#it really doesn't have to be a big deal even while it still feels like it#it still hurts but it's like......hour three of a tattoo. it's a bitch but you know it's gonna be over eventually and wriggling won't work#the only thing left to do is enjoying it all while it's happening or trying to#I don't think I'm doing a great job but what're you gonna do right
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mywaywardcupcake · 10 months ago
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So I finished another piece for the ship week and realizing now that I just really don't like the poses I did for them. I can't decide if I should go ahead and start over or just f it and move on to my next wip.
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mzannthropy · 1 year ago
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An Actual Thing That Happens in The Count of Monte Cristo
Albert (about the count): I love him.
Later:
The Count (to Albert): You accept my proposal?
Albert: I do.
(Also reassures the count that his mother urged him to gain his esteem.)
And they're off on their honeymoon.
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fairybluedreams · 2 years ago
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Hi y'all! Here is my finals campaign on why you should vote for Nani Pelekai in the @eldest-sibling-tournament today!!
Edited to add***
Poll just dropped vote Nani today!
https://www.tumblr.com/eldest-sibling-tournament/712608371217481728/eldest-sister-tournament-final-round
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rimouskis · 1 year ago
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I think the universe allowed me one (1) trip this year that wasn't mired by deep emotional struggle
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therevengeoffrankenstein · 7 months ago
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the implications....
folie a deux meaning / folie a deux album cover / pete's bear hat(s)
#myevilposts#pete wentz#also the teddy bear rug would be fun to mention in this discussion but these ones are more serious.#the thing with pw is that sometimes he does things that are so devious and strategic and genius and sneaky and poignant#and other times it just seems that way and was actually just him being silly.#this goes both ways btw.#like a lot of mania era stuff i feel was mocked as him being silly but was actually deep and then a lot of older stuff#that people obsess over dissecting was actually Not That Deep on his account at least.#it's kinda not his fault that he's a cartoon character. kinda. but he knows how to lean into it.#pw understands camp better than 99% of users on this website tbh.#fall out boy#also pete and bebe wearing matching bear hats during hiatus. is like exactly what i'm talking about. lol.#the implication being that the bear/becoming a bear represents embracing the madness and becoming one with the grizzly bear#that the human in the bear costume is carrying on the folie cover.#i feel like it's not a coincidence that the guy looks like pete too. it might be but i always figured it was intentional.#the grizzly bear/real life equivalent to the madness of folie a deux as a condition is open to interpretation more#i think. obviously it could represent the co dependence between pete and patrick. but it could also#represent pete's marriage as a whole to the band/his work.#i think it's most noteworthy again that he wore the bear hat matching with bebe DURING HIATUS.#similarly to the stump club shirt i feel like it's pretty clear he was incredibly torn up about the hiatus.#maybe it's that pete had a co dependent relationship with his public image/identity within the scope of fob's fame.#A LOT of black cards calls back to fob / is in response to or commentary of his fame from fob.#because of course it did/was. fob was intrinsic to his celebrityhood. and that celebrityhood obviously was intrinsic to him.#this is not to downplay the other aspects of his identity. the opposite actually.#especially considering that his public image was so skewed and dumbed down and he was rightfully very upset about that#and that is very prevalent/important/vital i think to understanding things like black cards as a whole.
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duskythesomething · 8 months ago
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guess who just bought a pokemon white DSI !!! happy early birthday to meeeee
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fazcinatingblog · 8 months ago
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Unpopular opinion: Adelaide have some nice Italian players like Josh Rachele (who did butterfly wings to celebrate awww cute) and Soligo (can he go) but it was a shame the Fog, the actual sexiest man alive holy shit (I'm so sorry Faz please forgive me), was so hopeless every time he got near the ball.
Also owwwies should've kicked the sealer
And that one earlier in the game that was put to the score review and they showed the Adelaide guy trying to smother but there was no conclusive evidence that he touched it so it should've been a goal to Carlton.
Also a crow did a dog act on Jack Carroll plus many more crows got away with ripping a few Carlton heads off but every time a crow head was ripped off, free kick.
It was a strange game. I'm sorry Carlton for infiltrating with my Collingwood scarf and Daisy badge and faz jumper. I promise not to be there next week but I'll see you again at the MCG in two weeks for the De Koning Cup. Cue the Robbie Williams music.
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tiger-moran · 11 months ago
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I just got hit with the really strong urge to write D/s smut again
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theduchessofnaxos · 1 year ago
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This paper is actually going quite well.
Too bad it's complete bullshit.
#I'm not lying#but I'm definitely not being brutally honest about the historiography here#look the first few works are technically all social histories but there's a qualitative difference from the later ones#and the politics is still important enough that I should get to call them political histories#Also frankly I don't care#I just need to finish the damn paper by midnight and then I will be free of this fucking course#I have never in my LIFE dreaded going to class before this course#And honestly? It's soul crushing! I have no will to succeed here!#My only motivation is that I liked the rest of the semester and I need to pass this class to continue the program!#the professor asked for an additional evaluation (still anonymous) and I'm torn about how brutal to be#because on the one hand it was an enlightening course and I am definitely better equipped as a historian than I was three months ago.#on the other hand every single one of my classmates had completely given up by the end because no matter what we did it wasn't good enough#and also the professor was just fucking mean a whole bunch. But in that subtle way where you feel crazy for noticing.#so the class was horrible but I don't want him to feel horrible but also maybe he deserves it??? I can't even tell if he's actually a dick#or just acts like one#which is perhaps not a meaningful distinction but if he doesn't mean to I'd feel bad being too harsh#though several incidents make me think he meant to#blegh. It'll all be over by midnight!#And then I can focus on studying for women's history and - joy of joys - writing a syllabus about Victorian fashion and politics#I fucking love historical fashion that's going to be absurdly fun
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aeide-thea · 2 years ago
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[witcherposting ahead—nb that this is all totally lighthearted and it's fine if you feel differently!]
anyway what i'd started to say before tumblr ate my post was that like. disclaimer that my approach to netflix witcher canon is that i fully reserve the right to cherrypick, because some of the changes they made were good but others were character assassination, and that obviously i get that if one isn't cherrypicking one does have to actually Grapple With Certain Things 🏔
but like. that said—the more 'Geralt Must Grovel for Weeks and Probably Scourge Himself, Look at What He Did to Poor Sad-Eyed Woobie Jaskier' fics i read the more i'm fucking grateful for the tiny handful where jaskier's just been like, yeah, i never bought that bullshit tbh, he was lashing out and he owes me an apology for sure but a single angry outburst does not in fact scupper an extremely well-established relationship of literally twenty years' standing in one fell swoop???
like i just. idk. imagine remembering that jaskier's a cheery irrepressible little shit and not actually as crushably low on self-esteem as all of us are. of course that would probably require *netflix* to have remembered that, so, you know, no actual shade to anyone who's been projecting that onto him! but just like. idk. they're obviously not siblings but they honestly do have that vibe in certain ways and it's just like. did you never say something overdramatic and shitty in the heat of a fight with yr sibling growing up and then after taking a bit of a breather just like. make a rueful face and apologize for yr respective roles in winding each other up and move tf on, without having, like, a whole extended OTT reparations process where you tell them repeatedly how perfect and sinless they are and how you know you're a miserable worm who doesn't remotely deserve their sunshiny presence in your life but would be so grateful if they could, possibly, somehow, see their way to forgiving you despite yr essential unworthiness—
#anyway. i think there are like. MAYBE like three of you reading this blog who give a shit abt this fandom‚ lol#so i'm mostly just talking out loud to myself here‚ which is fine‚ what's a perblog for if not that#but it's just like. yeah on the one hand you don't just get to yell at people without apologizing at all#on the other hand like. some relationships are strong and elastic enough that one (1) snip is not going to cut them#even a vicious one!#also like. jaskier DID handle that convo clumsily lbr. like. obviously geralt was not Justified but.#if i'd just had a vicious breakup and somebody came bumbling in making loud awkward small talk about it? jesus.#anyway. really ultimately this is just a 'have consumed much too much witcher fic and the Patterns are starting 2 irk me' thing#but it's just like. sometimes things are conflict between two imperfect people#and not a Good Woobie and a Sinful Meanie#anyway. time 2 go reread Sekrit Mutual's fic in which they actually keep in mind the fact that jaskier is a selfish gremlin#who despite himself really does love geralt and as a result is like. constantly torn between his nature and his urge to do right by geralt#but like. fundamentally he's a buffoon and a popinjay who yaps aggressively and then runs back behind geralt's legs#and joey batey leaning into his Soulful and Romantic side (that he does also have) doesn't actually erase that about him‚ nor should it!#anyway. this post is careening all over the place but i think it's just like. exactly the same weird terfish moral binary#that ppl have been talking abt with like. gender and kink and a whole range of things#where like. you always have Victims and Perpetrators#and so jaskier has to be like. the femme bottom victim which makes geralt the macho perpetrator totally undeserving of sympathy#and it's like. actually they're both imperfect people and neither one fits very well into their society's idea of what a man is#and what if we actually examined them as individuals rather than tropes and also remembered yennefer was fierce and interesting#and what if ciri weren't‚ like‚ a manhattan private school girl with her brows done while we were at it#getting a little overambitious with my wishlist there though i know
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anotherbeastarsblog · 2 years ago
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I just saw scott pilgrim fanart and anytime anything makes me remember Scott Pilgrim my brain goes into overdrive about how bad the movie was for the story, actually.
Great movie it deserved to be successful but hooooooooly shit they just removed like, every actual part of Scott figuring out his problems and confronting them and trying to be a better person. Scott Pilgrim is one of those top-tier "shitty dudes idolize him for entirely wrong reasons" but unlike Tyler Durden or Tony Montana or whatever it's not that the deconstruction fundamentally fails to target the object of deconstruction, it's literally just what the movie shows.
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My caseload is nearly full up and at this point more than half are seeing me specifically for autism/adhd related care, and I am on deck for consultation with 2 other providers who are working with clients whose schedules were incompatible with mine and my god sometimes it really does suddenly occur to me that I have become the primary therapist for autism related care throughout a solid 1/4 of the state because it's literally either me or the local hospital affiliates.
My clients are thriving and I have never been happier than while gradually moving with them through healing.
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ashtcnirwin · 1 year ago
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🌻
#sometimes you gotta use your tumblr blog to monologue🧡 or often if you're me#one of the interesting things about going from being a young adult to just a straight up adult is how in a matter of 3-4-5 years---#---the foundation of your daily life can and usually will change so drastically#i think back five years and except for my boyfriend. none of the cornerstones of my day-to-day existence back then exist anymore#the friends i saw on a regular basis no longer live here. they've all moved to other parts of the country#work friends aside i now have...four friends left here. as opposed to the 10-12 i had back then#they're scattered all over the country and i'm lucky if i get to see most of them once a year#the job i loved and adored is no longer one i'm working#it actually doesn't exist at all anymore. the building was torn down and the patients scattered all over town#the path i'd gotten started on in life in terms of education and work is no longer one i'm pursuing#the lifestyle i led is a far cry from the one i'm currently leading#and it's funny is all cos you don't realise that all of these changes are happening in the moment#you just look up one day and realise that a whole part of your life is over#this is starting to sound very sad but that's not it at all#cos truth be told youth is no guarantee for happiness. not in my experience anyway#is there a part of me that looks back and feels a little wistful about the carefree existence i had back then? absolutely#but do i wish to be in my early 20s again? no i do not cos at the time i was fighting battles that i've now overcome#and i have far healthier and more fulfilling sources of joy and happiness in my life now than i did back then#i do think 2018 me would have been lowkey horrified to hear that 2020 me got back into the fangirl lifestyle and that 2023 me is still there#cos i'm fairly certain 2018 me thought that was a past chapter#and that i should've long since grown out of it#but i'd never wanna be without all the good things that faceplanting into the 5sos fandom has brought me#like...even not counting 5sos themselves and everything they are and everything they do---#---i'd NEVER wanna be without all the amazing experiences and encounters that being a fan of theirs have brought me#now i'm just sidetracking cos i'm getting a lil emo#point is that the passage of time is very welcome but also very odd when you take a step back and look at the bigger picture of things
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therevengeoffrankenstein · 1 year ago
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i got to see four of my biggest heroes in person, relatively close-up recently :)
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