#I'm a bit worried about if anyone will actually want to buy stuff from me

[avatarkasia-art]

Getting merch ready for MCM Comic Con London in October!! First time printing so keychains and stickers properly and it's quite exciting!

[yurinaa-world]

Please forgive me for bothering you, but can you do blade, jing yuan and dan heng (separate), where the reader has the personality of the raiden ei? Please

And I love your writing, it's really good! ^^

Characters: Blade, Jing Yuan, and Dan Heng x Female Reader

Synopsis: with reader that's like ei

Warnings: Fluff and spelling mistakes,

Notes: I ended up mixing these two if you don't mind

𝐵𝓁𝒶𝒹𝑒

Honestly, tall, strong women are what he likes: striking down people with lighting and having a very cold personality, but having a warm personality and liking sweet things now is what he’s into. He can get a little handsy with you, like your waist; he's going to be all around that if Kafka doesn't have hypnotized half the time and he would be on his knees for you, a hook line and sinker, I tell you.

Why bother understanding ‘those people’ when you have him? Since you are the same, you don’t have to bother to even try to think on the same level with 'them', which is a waste of time if you ask him.

He’ll get you anything you want. Want candy? He’ll get it. Want to buy clothes? He’ll get it, no matter how expensive it is! Want someone’s head? Sure! Can’t cook? Don’t worry about that, dearest.

𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝒶𝓃

Long hair, twins!! stylish and strong now; that's what you call a power couple; it’s giving a dumb husband and a pretty wife at its finest, I tell you. You both have spark, and your lighting (gold and purple) mixes to make rose tea (I actually went on a color mixer).

Your wedding is going to be gold and purple (or already happened), and now he even made a whole separate room that is full of purple, and everything in that room is purple, from the bed sheets to the carpet. It is full of things you like about your sweet tooth, but you would rather sleep with him in that room.

𝒟𝒶𝓃 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝑔

You always ask him why people feel a certain way or act the way they do, and he’ll give you an answer since you don’t seem to understand other people. When you both got together, your confession was a little weird. You know, the way you say that you never felt anything towards anyone like this before, and if his heart beat like his?!! What? It did, but he never thought someone could be so airheaded with emotions like you.

March is totally both of your wingmen—well, more like yours—because you just have a hard time with feelings and stuff. He tells you what kind of gifts Dan Heng would want and then just watches you from the sidelines, trying to give him the gift with a bit of a nervous expression on your face.

Li Dan Heng time: power couple again, of course, like, look at you too; you both look like you’ll strike down anyone that dared to speak out of turn in front of them, just radiating, “I don’t think I'm better then; I know, so get on your knees and ask for mercy.” That kind of vibe.

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!

[invidiia]

oh my god the yan!dazai x willing reader fic😭 i love reading this type of content (its a trauma response but the idea of someone obsessing over me brings me comfort </3)

Can you write something more for yan!dazai and reader? Like dazai somehow forgets his keys at home giving reader full access to run away/call for help, but when he comes back running to his apartment worried he sees them cooking something for him and what surprises him the most is the fact that he didn’t have most of the ingredients which means that they went outside to buy them and actually came back <3

❐ - yandere osamu dazai (bsd) with a reader who to left the house to make dinner.

note ; HII thank you for requesting!! and the beginning of the request really made me think, and i realized you were completely right and i relate deeply !! on another topic besides the request, i feel bad about writing ever since character ai came about, because what's the point of writing fics and hcs for people who can just make everything they want happen with ai?! but i'll continue, of course!! alsoo ada dazai

prompt ; dazai's beloved cooks for him after he left for the store.

warning ; kidnapping, possibly soft!yandere dazai AT FIRST, mentioned suicide (it's dazai)

masterlist - rules - previous work

when dazai finally trusts you enough to be by yourself while he went out to run errands, it was like you felt relief for the first time in years. maybe it was.

he didn't specify what he was doing, but he did seem like he would be out for a long time. but for whatever reason in the world, you didn't exactly plan to fully escape from him. maybe you were on something, because anybody else would have went as far as they could.

dazai kissed the top of your top of your head affectionately. "my dear," he addressed to you, his voice sweet, just like every other time he spoke. "i have to run errands, okay? can you promise me that you'll be good while i'm gone?" dazai rested his head on top of yours, holding you closely to his chest in a tight hug. you nodded your head against him, and he smiled. "i'll be off now, my love." and with that, dazai walked out the door, completely forgetting his keys on the table.

maybe you were drugged, high or some kind of intoxicated, because anyone would be overjoyed to see that their kidnapper left their keys with them, and they'd try to leave! i mean, dazai was normally cautious - how stupid of him this evening.

but for just some reason, any reason in the world, you didn't leave the house for freedom. instead it was for.. groceries? dazai did feed you often, but it was usually food from a local place that he liked a lot more than cooking, hence the reason there were barely any ingredients to make dinner with.

maybe you were doing this to gain trust and then turn your back on him later? well, it was too late, dazai left the keys here, and you were free to escape. so the first place you decided to go? the grocery store.

walking through the produce isle, you turned your head anxiously, looking behind your back to see if dazai found out you left and followed you. but no one was there, not at all. you were safe.

you gathered up money from inside your pockets when the man first took you - enough to buy a couple vegetables, a bag of rice, and a bit of chicken. that was enough for tonight!

upon your return to the apartment, nobody was there, so you got to work, having not been caught by dazai on your little outing to the store.

it was pretty easy to make fried rice. you found yourself in the kitchen chopping vegetables to put into the frying pan while you seasoned the chicken. dazai didn't have a ton of seasoning in his cabinets.. guess this guy liked his stuff plain? but you worked with what you had, and you were able to make a pretty damn good plate of chicken fried rice. the meal was perfect, and you had just finished when the door opened up. it was dazai. the brunette man opened up the door rather quickly, slipping inside the apartment. "belladonna.. this smells amazing!"

dazai was quick to praise your cooking, even telling you that he didn't want to eat your masterpiece in hopes of ruining it, but you told him to sit down and just eat it.

and that he did, and he loved it! he didn't act like anything was wrong, it went perfect! he praised your cooking skills the entire time while he ate.

even you forgot that you snuck out to retrieve your ingredients!

"belladonna," dazai spoke, sweetly. you were both nearing the end of the meal, with just two bites of the food left on the plate. "your cooking is absolutely perfect, you know that? i almost forgot that we didn't have any vegetables in the house." you tensed up. this was such a stupid idea, sneaking out to get ingredients for your meal. "i found those in the cabinet, you brought them home one night. don't you remember?" you lied nervously, biting up the inside of your mouth while you just silently begged he would believe you. "i would never think about willingly buying bell peppers unless i planned to cook such a meal. why would you leave the apartment, dear?" dazai slid his chair back, stepping towards you with his hands in his pockets. this was stupid, a stupid mistake that you can't undo. "no matter.. you didn't run away.. so what am i to do with you?" he grabbed a lock of your hair, pulling it upwards so you could face him. you cried out, whimpering in pain - but he paid no attention to it, looking you in the eye. "let's see."

[thanatologie]

anyone that says emmrich never actually faces his fear isn't actually paying attention. hear me out, okay, i've talked before (so many times) about how i think for emmrich his fear of death is less actual thanaphobia and more...his fear of being alone. of living alone, of spending eternity alone - especially in a culture and a society that places emphasis on lovers being buried together; he's terrified of it. and a romanced emmrich is so terrified of his relationship with rook - and how he feels - that he's willing to try to end it on the eve of a battle one or both of them might not come back from, because he's worried it might not be the big damn love story he's been aching for his whole goddamn life.

and guess what! rook doesn't come back.

he spends almost a month making that damn dagger - and like the rest of the crew - trying to find rook to pull them out of the fade prison because he's lost them. he's lost them right after realizing his fear's gotten the better of him and he's staring down the barrel of eternity without them. he was already trying to backpedal the whole thing before solas pulled his switcheroo and you know rook telling him they'll talk about it at home was like...a constant refrain in his head that whole almost month they were lost.

(which raises a good point with the mortal vs lich path in this respect, because a mortal emmrich was ready to tear open the fade to get rook back, imagine how many lines a lich emmrich might cross, especially given his line about never letting them be parted in this or any other world again. i have thoughts about how emmrich doesn't come back wrong from that, no, but he definitely comes back changed, he's...off. i've seen speculation that lich emmrich isn't emmrich - which i don't buy - or isn't entirely emmrich - which is a little more interesting and there may be some truth to the latter, or it could be he thinks he's indestructible at that point and gets really reckless and less measured but that is another argument for another time.)

and basically the point i'm leading up to here is...you can complain all you want that he never uses the l word before the final battle, but even with harding pointing out he's gotten a little spacey and distracted and mopey with a relationship on the burner, and all the other pet names he uses so damn liberally (dearest, darling, flame of my heart), he's still holding a lot of stuff back. he's still holding himself back, quite a bit, until that moment when he finally (finally) tells rook he loves them. he never calls rook my love until after the fade prison in the mortal path, and it's just the once, as far as i can actually remember. and it's because of all of that shit above.

(lich emmrich does it earlier, because that this may be my last chance to say it comes a hell of a lot sooner, and he uses my love liberally after that point.)

this is intentional on his part. this man has skirted around using the word love so much ("very fond of you" my ass) that rook totally has the option to call him out on it and it's like a record scratch.

he's, i think, terrified of loving something that can die? and he's terrified of being alone. and ultimately a romanced mortal emmrich has to face both of those things, one after the other, between manfred and the fade prison. and i think, going forward, it's not going to be completely gone - in fact for a hot minute after everything it's probably exacerbated to a large degree and he's probably extra...like that for a while - but it makes him confront those things head on in...very blunt ways. here's a reminder of what losing someone you love deeply to death feels like. here's what losing someone you've given your heart to for safekeeping feels like. it's kind of disingenuous to claim his fears are left untouched, when he's given a one-two knock out punch and is left having to deal with the fallout of that.

eta: and none of this actually touches on the fact that it's him that tells rook to grab the dagger before they go poof, so he's siting with that constant weight on his chest, too, but we'll dig into that at a later time because it's cold and my fingers are starting to get stiff.

[nostalgia-tblr]

My Next Attempt At Long Fic (by which I mean more than 10000 words and it has chapters) Should Be...

Poll and the (actually quite long) gist of each option below le cut:

The Sylki Con Artists AU

This one I have a wee bit written of already but I go back and forth on this one because it's Alternative Universe - Modern Setting and I feel like there's already a lot of those (which I also complain about a lot), and I have to justify it to myself as an experiment in whether I can do a Sylki Modern AU that doesn't just end up as "two people called Loki and Sylvie do normal stuff together". That's why they are con artists in this! Because 1) MISCHIEF (or crime, or whatever) and 2) if they have the same 'job' for similar reasons and I go on about them being similar a lot then that's maybe as close as reality can get to selfcest. (The selfcest is not just a feature of sylki, I feel it is THE feature and to admit to being Bad At Shipping (again) I'm just not that interested in it if they're different people who aren't even aliens. The same alien.) (You can tell me they are gods all you want but I've seen enough Doctor Who to know that must be A LIE so I reject it as such.)

The plot is that they meet in a bar one night and shag (obviously!) and then the reader discovers that Loki is trying to buy a painting from an old woman (planning on ripping off both her and his own buyer) and Sylvie is an artist who is selling a forged painting to some posh twat on the internet who she knows is trying to rip off her fake old lady persona on the deal but she's selling him a fake painting anyway so at least he deserves to be conned. They meet up a few times before finally realising that they are in fact conning each other under fake names on the internet, and then I have to try and fix it when they inevitably get mad at each other because of it. Also, Thor works in a shop because the brodinsons are Downwardly Mobile (dad spent all their inheritance, oh no!) Plotwise Loki is going to actually need Sylvie's painting for reasons I have not yet entirely worked out so one way or another they will have to eventually forgive each other for being con artists as they themselves are and for having attempted to con each other.

Ideally I will be able to make this one funny in some way, as I think the concept can get absurd enough to make a rom-com out of it.

2. The Jotun Heat Fic (also sylki)

I was into this one for about a day and now I have second thoughts because I am not sure I care enough about Frost Giant Biology to have to write an entire fic about it. It would continue my tradition (I did it once, that's enough for it to be a tradition) of turning a tiny ficlet into a much longer thing. This one: The Opposite of Heat, in which Loki and Sylvie go into whatever the Jotun equivalent of the fandom fave 'mating cycles/in heat' trope is, having never done so before because (see if you can guess...) they've never previously spent enough time around another Jotun for the hormones to kick in properly. They have no idea this can happen, and what starts out as Fun Porno-Fic Times soon gets a bit worrying and then I suppose they have to Investigate and that's the bit I fear might end up boring me.

This is set in an AU where S2!Loki did not instantly demand that Sylvie help him with his cop friends' problems and instead just went to live in Oklahoma with her, so the other/'real' plot is them getting used to living together and the weird-but-sexy medical issue bringing them into conflict because of course the first place Loki wants to go for help is the TVA (this not unreasonable of him, as they have a lot of info in their archives and he has no other friends anyway), which Sylvie is not keen on as she would rather just avoid them for the rest of forever. Gosh, I hope nobody goes to the TVA for help behind anyone else's back!

I need a way to make this one stay interesting once it gets to the Find Out What Is Happening part and also it needs to not just immediately end with a sensible solution like just going to Jotunheim and asking someone there for a talk about the frost-birds and the frost-bees.

Also I think they should fuck in that McDonalds. Just because.

3. Jotunheim Rejects The Guy Who Cannot Possibly Be Its Rightful King, Because I'm Annoying Like That AU (not thorki)

Speaking of going to Jotunheim, you know all those fics where Loki goes to be the Rightful King Of Frostland, as Odin apparently planned all along? That but it doesn't work, because I am not at all convinced he can have been Laufey's heir (who the fuck infanticides their only male heir?!) and even if he was well it'd just look awful, wouldn't it? Crusty Old Odin, worst friend to Jotunheim for several years running, sends back your kingdom's heir having raised him as one of his own family. (I hope at least one of you is thinking "US-Backed Puppet Ruler Who Will Do Whatever The CIA Tells Them To" because I did too! Ooh, geopolitical barely-subtext!)

The problem with this one for me is it requires a fairly large cast of Original Jotun Characters, and I still fear writing OCs because of the constant 'Mary-Sue' complaints in my fannish youth. Also I would Controversially (LOL not really) make some of them women, including Angrboda the ambitious would-be consort and Laufey's tragically spurned lover who on finding out that her long-dead son is not dead makes the most of it by insisting everyone call her 'My Lady, the King's Mother' (yes, I stole that from History but I do that sort of thing now, for the LOLs). So I have a bit of an idea what happens in this one, though I'd need to think of more political type plot stuff and also I just finished writing a multichapter fic that involved the Jotun succession so maybe I'd be overdoing it if I did this one now as well.

The other problem is Jotuns are too fucking tall. I mean really. This doesn't seem to bother anyone else but they are Too Fucking Tall to interact with the shorter characters, to the point that it just seems accidentally comedic to me. Just imagine the totally-not-a-puppet king of Jotunheim sitting on a massive throne, swinging his wee legs in the air. And I don't know how to work around that other than just saying "they are Less Fucking Tall in this fic" and I don't know if that would just annoy people. Also it does feel a bit incendiary to go against the general fandom insistence that Loki Is Totally The Rightful King Of Jotunheim. Though I suppose in this he is, it's just that he attempts to become so in the sort of circumstances that make everyone start saying things like "are we really that keen on our monarchy?" or at least "surely there's a cousin or an uncle we could give the crown to instead? yeah, even a woman would do. no, she doesn't have to be alive if there are only dead ones available."

(It was a mistake to let me read books about the Wars of the Roses, wasn't it?)

Oh and this isn't a thorki fic, but Thor is going to go to Jotunheim with his bro to help him settle in and also he will be going back to rescue him from it at the end. Bros before snows!!!!

[ppystkposts]

hey, just so you know, that person vqler that you reblogged from a lil bit ago groomed a bunch of kids. i don't think you know about this, no hate to you just thought u should know. really sucks they came back.

https://www.tumblr.com/feathergail/725133180051537920/i-didnt-want-to-have-to-talk-about-this-but-i?source=share

Hello

I didn't want to talk about this, nor get involved, as it's none of my business (I didn't have an account when this happened)

I will only say one thing for you guys, from the bottom of my heart.

Every individual has their own experiences, culture, education, etc.

So let's start to worry about actual concerning stuff? There's a bunch of real predators, and as someone who doesn't only have an online life, I've seen so many gross old men.

I don't like talking about this, but I was almost a victim myself.

As I said at the beginning, this is none of my business, and I hope not being involved in this bs.

If you are worried about the kids, then why don't you destroy the real predators' lives? They are literally everywhere, sending dms, commenting on tiktok videos, and buying images of little children. And they are hiding because they know what they're doing is gross and horrendous.

I'm so tired of this internet thing... where people only care about looking good and sounding smart when they don't actually give a shit. If you have nothing to gain, why are you making people destroy someone's else life?

I'm protecting the kids I care for, not exposing them, and teaching them how scary the world is. So tell me, what are you doing for them?

Speak for your fucking self!

I won't defend or accuse anyone, I don't know them, I'm not a victim, and I don't have proofs.

You want to be a hero, right? then why are you hiding when you have so much conviction?

[mysticstarlightduck]

Personality Through Quotes

Thanks for the tag @kaylinalexanderbooks!!! (here)

MY QUOTE IS: A quote about a weird habit they/someone else has.

YOUR QUOTE IS: A quote about your character's feelings about their world's government

Corah - "Hmm. Sometimes I tend to wake up in the middle of the night to stare at the stars. I don't know why, but it's very calming. I like to count out all the constellation Dad has taught me about and the tales about each one, and then I try to make up new ones until the stories get more and more chaotic and outlandish with each new one and then I go back to sleep."

Arammys - "I would say my weird habit is that, from time to time, I try making up stories in my mind, to replace the memories I don't have, and its come to the point that that habit's more like an intrusive thought rather than anything else and it concerns me. Like, I'll see someone on the street and immediatelly start imagining a whole backstory for how we might've met before and how they're my former best friend turned rival turned acquaintance - and the next thing I know I forgot what I was doing - But I'm normal, right? That's totally normal, right?"

Eidan - "I collect stuff! Genuinely. There's no real pattern to it and I don't really remember why I started. It's not an obsession or anything, just a hobby to distract me from stuff that might upset me. I'll just be walking down the riverbed and be like 'ooh that's a neat shell' and pick it up and add it to The Collection. I'll walk through the market and see a silk ribbon necklace on sale and I'll buy it and guess what, add it to The Collection. Anything that really stands out to me in some way makes it to my collection - but I have to really, really like the thing in order for it to be chosen. My collection of assorted knick knacks is as random as it is carefully curated. (smiles, actually proud of his collection)"

Nimwen - "Oh, neat! Not my weird habit, but my brother's - when he is upset he starts counting in Syllen, which is a local dialect from the city where we were born which nobody - except scholars and really really specific groups of people - really uses anymore. He also worries a lot and used to talk in his sleep - not anything concerning, just gibberish, but enough to wake me up every five minutes until I got used to it."

Rin - "People say I'm weird because I eat bugs and rodents. I don't think that's weird - they don't think it's weird for birds to eat those things, and my species is basically just a humanoid bird (okay, I'm an avian fey to be precise). Insects and rodents are a natural part of my diet, and people are the ones who need to stop being so sensitive to everything I do. Hey, is that a cricket?"

Tomasa - "Oh, my turn, my turn! I like to sing at the top of my lungs while bathing, even if I am admiteddly a bit off key I am having fun. I also like to go to taverns where no one knows anything about me and try to challenge the biggest dude in the place to a drinking contest! The look on their faces when I win is always priceless."

Masen - "Does using the bardic talents I hoped to one day be famous for to steal from my audience because I've had to become a thief instead count as a weird habit? That's not a rhetoric question, does it? I really wanna know, dude!"

Kyran - "I'm not really the kind of person who has 'weird habits', but if you really want to know... some of my inventions aren't exactly that legal, and they do have a tendency to... explode? But only on occasion, and sometimes to my favor, but you didn't hear it from me and you don't have any proof to tell anyone you heard this."

Maryon - "I like climbing to the roof of the towers of the castles - it's a beautiful and breathtaking view. I can see my whole city from there, covered in beautiful snow and blue ice, and the mountains of Tirawen are a small dot on the horizon. Occasionally, I'll see the outline of a dragon flying in the distance! I don't think it's a 'weird' habit, but it is certainly a risky one. I sometimes do this for fun, other times to escape from my duties when I want some peace and quite, haha"

Florynce - "I talk to the trees - and they whisper back at me! So do the flowers and the rocks and the rivers and the birds, and all of the forest! It says my blood runs through it."

Leora - "Don't tell anyone, or my reputation as the fearless underground leader might be at risk. But I still have my childhood plush toy and I can only sleep if I have it on my bed. It brings me comfort in a way little else does."

Elias - "Ooh, I have one hell of a list of weird quirks curated and stored straight from my brothers' childhood - Masen used to sleepwalk, until he one day he hit a wall and woke everyone in the house but not himself, Kyran one time got into an argument with an old lady at the market because they couldn't decide whether or not the scarf a vendor was selling was lilac or purple and turns out it was neither because it was pink, Masen used to cry whenever he heard a sad story involving dogs, Kyran said he hated the sea but turns out he didn't want to admit he was scared of sea monsters - want me to keep going? Because I can."

Tagging (gently, no pressure):@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @inky-duchess @late-to-the-fandom, @eccaiia @willtheweaver @littleladymab @cabbojage @lassiesandiego @little-peril-stories @oh-no-another-idea @thepeculiarbird @rickie-the-storyteller @crowandmoonwriting @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @gummybugg @forthesanityofstorytellers @doublegoblin @aalinaaaaaa @starlit-hopes-and-dreams @elshells @clairelsonao3 @anyablackwood @tabswrites @illarian-rambling and OPEN TAG

[thefiery-phoenix]

Hey, first off wanted to say I’m a huge fan of your work I’ve been reading ur work for a while and I’ve read your match ups, do you still do matchups for Harry Potter? If you are doing that here’s some info😭:

Looks: Indian, black wavy hair, 5’7, brown eyes with a hint of amber, unconventionally attractive face wise

Personality: very awkward and shy at first but later really loud and adventurous when u get to know me, sarcastic, sharp tounge, funny, smart, empathetic and sensitive, clueless and ditzy of what goes on around me, kind, ambitious

House: slytherin

Style: baggy clothes, streetwear,

Hobbies/pastimes: playing Roblox, reading books, tennis and skateboarding, listening to music,

Ps—>Ik this is a random match up but pleaseeee don’t match me up with Tom riddle I’ll take anyone with him, no offense to him but he’s scary especially since he’ll be Voldemort 💀

Yep, I'm still open for matchups and thank you for liking my work, I really appreciate your kind words a lot, I feel honored you take the time to read my nonsensical work lol. And don't worry, your plea has been answered, I ain't too fond of Moldy Voldy too lol. I'd ship you with...Oliver Wood

Oliver here as a yandere would be caring but not to mention incredibly possessive, clingy and EXTREMELY competitive and obsessive of you as well. He's actually humble about his talents and stuff but when you're around, he can't help but show off a bit for you since he does need to impress you after all. He hopes you fall in love with him after watching him play Quidditch. And he's as serious as making you only his no matter what, just like how he's serious about Quidditch 

You could be from a different house and be on the Quidditch team of another house but he just sees this as a way to prove himself to you that he's worthy of your love and affection, he's driven by you to win. It's like you're his source and ray of inspiration, a pillar of strength for him, always pushing him to do better and do his best. Of course, when he shows off too much around you the other members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team are ready to call him out on his behavior much to the amusement of everyone else there and to the embarrassment of Oliver. "Oh, Oliver, is that Y/N I see?" asked Fred in a sing song teasing voice and Oliver tried to quickly look around to where you were and when you flashed him a smile from the stands, he could swear on Merlin that his heart did a somersault 

The others started snickering after seeing Oliver's furious blush and who did he think he was fooling? No one was buying the 'I barely even noticed them' nonsense. "They look good don't they?" teased George and Oliver replied in a dreamy way with a small smile on his face "They look good every day... wait... what? HEY! Focus on the match, we need to beat Slytherin today at any cost no matter what!" he turned firm and strict again, making sure his team mates trained hard to beat Slytherin no matter what. His hatred for Slytherin didn't just stop at Quidditch, it just became more stronger when he saw Marcus Flint, the Slytherin's Quidditch team captain talking with you about something

He didn't know why as soon as he saw that sight he felt like either punching him in the face and sending him to the hospital wing or hexing him, a hex involving something about him not being able to use his mouth or tongue anymore to talk with you. He didn't know why he felt so bad, bitter and a mix and storm of emotions flurry inside him. Ranging from rage, anger to resentment and fear. The fear of losing you, for someone like him. No, he would not allow it. He would NEVER allow it, never in a million years, He can even lose in Quidditch, there's always a next time to win but he just can't afford to lose you under any circumstances

"Is he bothering you Y/N?' asked Oliver as he suddenly rushed to your side and distanced you from Flint. Flint scowled and you smiled and replied "No Oliver it's all right, he was just asking me about the homework we received from Potions by Professor Snape. I do have to admit, writing a 5000 word essay based on Potions all around the world and it's effects is quite difficult'' and Oliver immediately needed to get you away from Flint. He didn't like you spending time with him and besides, he could deal with him later on. "Would you like to watch me practice if it's not too much of a hassle? I really look forward to seeing you there'' and you smiled and told him you'd come with him saying bye to Flint 

It took him all his restraint not to punch Flint for flirting with you after the practice was done. He wasn't mad at you, of course not. He could never be mad at you, in his eyes you're literal perfection, the definition of a god/ goddess who could do no wrong. Even if you do end up doing something wrong at some point in your life, he will find a hundred different to justify your actions. He'll do his best to keep other guys away from you. Will he stalk you? Well, he prefers to call it 'looking out for you' after all, not everyone at Hogwarts is to be trusted like the Slytherin Quidditch team or Roger Davies for that matter, the irritating hindrance between you both 

Oliver is also very protective and a fussy yandere when it comes to you. He treats even the slightest of the scratches like a flesh wound by someone who stabbed you or something. If at all you do get hurt during Quidditch, he'll make you rest, he doesn't want you playing or doing anything when you're injured. He'll drop everything and rush to you, after making sure you're all right he'll carry you bridal style to the Hospital wing for a checkup by Madam Pomfrey just to make sure you aren't really injured. However if someone deliberately injures you, he isn't going to go easy on them. Not only will be make them suffer the humiliation of losing to him and his team at Quidditch, but he'll also break a few bones and send them packing to the Hospital wing, and a few hexes and jinxes won't really go amiss either 

If you keep getting injured or flirted with by people, he'll grow anxious for your safety and after feeling slightly insecure, he'll have to kidnap you to save you from all those scumbags. It's for your own good darling, just trust him he'll take care of everything for you

[petra-creat0r]

Annual Update 2025

Hooooo boy. Howdy Creative Creators. Okay, as of writing this, I just got back from a 10 day trip from Washington, and it's December 30th, of 2024. Just a couples days until 2025, so I guess let's try to review.

Most of the time, I try to make these annual updates as a sort of promise of what I'm gonna try to get done in the upcoming year (or at least what I WANT to try and get done) but... Well, looking at the state of my comic, I think it best to just, stop trying to promise anything. Between college and the huge shake up that's about to happen in my life in the upcoming months... Yeah, I don't quite see it getting done soon. I had like, one bought of wanting to work on it sometime in the beginning of December and then had to work on Christmas stuff or preparing for the trip.

So, instead, I'm gonna try and outline some personal goals for myself here. I can already tell that 2025 is gonna be a turbulent year so, I might as well have some sort of list to keep me on track. I'm gonna leave them under the cut, but if anyone wants to read them be my guest.

Hope you have a Happy New Years, Creative Creators, and I'll see you in 2025.

Graduate college with my associates degree.

Personally, I would like to go for a bachelor's but... I think that might have to wait for a while. With the change that's happening, my main source of tuition payment (my dad) will be in another state and even if I'll still qualify for in-state tuition... Stuff's gonna be hectic enough. I'm already close to being done with the associates for my current major, and could already apply for one for my previous major so, best I try and wrap that up as soon as possible. I'd already have to at some point anyways to make it easier to transfer colleges later on.

2. Get a job

Something I've been struggling with for... a while. I think I should be able to get one I can hold for longer once I'm out of college, but even before then, I really need to find something. I need a job history, I need an income, the sooner I can get to be more independent and able to pay for my own life, the better. And sadly my fanbase is a bunch of broke teens/young adults, so commissions will get me no where.

3. Make progress/finish on my Deltarune Chapter takes before Chapters 3 and 4 come out sometime this year.

We (or at least those of us active in the fandom) all know that the next chapters are coming out 2025, it's unclear WHEN in 2025 they're coming out, but Toby has confirmed they're 100000000000% coming out this year. And while I am beyond excited to FINALLY get to play through more of this story... I also want to get my personal chapter takes done before then. At the least figure out more of the characters and locations for both my chapter 3 and 4 takes before all my ideas get influenced by the canon. Bitsy, Elymas, and Veratus will always exist in my AU, mostly as it's an AU that I know is diverging from the canon, but I'm worried about aspects of my take inevitably getting influenced by the canon when it comes out. Call me silly if you want, but I want to get my takes down before the actual chapters release.

4. Enjoy and play Deltarune Chapters 3 and 4 once they release

That being said with my own takes, like I said I am excited to get to play the next chapters once they do release. I'm going to make sure I save a bit of money specifically to be able to purchase the game once it comes out. I will likely stream in on my Discord Server once I'm able to buy and play it.

5. Continue Fool's Fate

I still need to finish the Chapter 2 roleplay of Fool's Fate, and come up with more characters. I think I sorta got caught up in stuff, but at least Fool's Fate I don't have to continue or finish before the next chapters of Deltarune proper come out since it's story won't be influenced directly by Chapters 3 and 4's release.

6. Hopefully finally be able to continue AtDFF

It should be easier once I've graduated college, but I DO want to get back to work on the comic. At this point I've redesigned and reworked things AGAIN for AtDFF, and I don't think that AYC is going to be continuing. At least not in the same form it was prior. Like I mentioned, I did have a bought of comic inspiration and motivation early December, before getting caught up in other stuff, so it's not that I don't want to work on it, it's just always been a matter of time and motivation. Ideally, I'd be able to get to point where I can consistently work on it there's just... so many factors from backgrounds to scripts, thumbnails, boards, actually drawing the thing, other stuff in my life. I technically have a small team to work on this with me (mainly my girlfriend and another friend), but I would like to, I don't know, pay them? For their work and help with it? That get's difficult when again, my fanbase is as broke as I am.

7. Get to work on my other projects

Dragon Riders, POW-R, my Fakemon region, Kinder Eyes, etc. I have no doubt I'll develop them more a bit over the upcoming year, (mostly as my hyper fixations shift), but I'd also like to be able to post about them. Preferably get asks about them (whenever I decide to turn back on asks)? Undertale/Deltarune might be my main thing, but's it's never been my ONLY thing, and I want to be able to share my other projects more as well.

[yandere-kittee]

Derrick Cohen (Yandere Playboy x Gn! Reader)

Contains: Isolation, Manipulation.

Derrick is rumored to have been in bed with the entire female population in the school, but what they don't know is that he's only ever dated one girl and only lead girls on because he doesn't seem to be in love with them at all.

Sure, he's pretty and all that but what else? They don't know him that well and neither does he, so why would he bed or be in a relationship with someone he barely knows?

He'd only be in a serious relationship if he knows that he can trust them and they can trust him. (Yes, I am implying he's demi romantic and demi sexual)

He can be flirty but he too knows his limits and boundaries, he's a playboy, not a home wrecking piece of shit.

He doesn't get attached to those he flirts with.

Though, you we're different.

You treated him normally and barely glanced his way despite his good looks and popularity, you two had been assigned to do this thesis statement and you two swapped numbers to have contact with each other outside shared classes.

You didn't try shooting your shot even though you could have the chance of getting close to him and maybe going on a few dates or something like that, but no.

You focused on your thesis statement, even helping him with areas he couldn't quite grasp or fully understand, you didn't belittle for it, at all.

Maybe cause you really wanted to focus on your studies and think that you'll focus on love when you got your while life together, but that's just the author talking.

He wanted to get closer to you since he genuinely wanted to be friends with you, who knew.

Who knee he'd actually fall in love with you, someone who didn't seem to have that much pressence.

He really wanted to get to know you but you had the biggest trust issues, it was hard letting your guard down on someone whose rumored to have been in bed with the whole female population of the school.

But that was it.

They we're just baseless rumors, so who we're you to judge? So you let your walls down a bit and gave him a chance, ACL chance for the two of you to get to know each other.

It was at first, weird, since he was so eager to get to know you, asking you so much questions that you couldn't be able or didn't want to answer some of them, he was very enthusiastic.

But you could guess that was apart of his charm, he looked better when he smiled, you also like it that he has two dimples on his cheeks when he smiles.

He was a bit clingy at times and would appear out of no where but you truly enjoyed his company, though it slowly became overbearing when he'd accompany you everywhere, not just at school but outside as well.

If you we're going to go out, he'd ask if he could tag along, if not outside then inside your own home, you had a little grooming kit in your room that had some of his clothes, self care items and a few stuff from his previous visits.

He's rarely seen hanging around with his usual group of girls and is now always seen next to you, he's willing to give away his play boy lifestyle for you to stay by his side.

Since you hardly interacted with other students, it was easy to isolate you from the rest and keep you all to himself, telling you how other students gossip about you behind your back, insulting you and overall saying how you're just clinging onto Derrick and don't know your place that well.

Buy don't worry, all you need is him and no on else♡

,★⌒ヽ(●＾､＾●)Kiss!

I hope you enjoy this one, I'm a bit sleepy and definitely need to sleep early cause I gotta wake up early but I got motivation back (Did I? I don't know...)

Picrew link (I lost the link, so if anyone knows it and has it please let me know so I can properly credit the artist.)

[minevn]

(I'm sorry for the mistakes) (silly) *left a note for all my clothes thieves* “Please don't steal my clothes! I’m not rich and I can’t buy new clothes every time!!!”

Minato: Doesn't steal your clothes but is shocked when you invite him over and he sees the note. "You...have people stealing your clothes?" He looks at you, mortified, shocked that stuff like that actually happens and it's happening to you. Offers to stay watch if you want him to.

Haruto: Doesn't steal your clothes, but you two probably share clothes if your clothes fit him, he also gives you his clothes often. Is also surprised when he sees the note, honestly, a bit upset he hadn't thought of doing that himself but also gets upset at himself for thinking that. "I'll buy you new clothes, how does that sound?"

Jun: Has definitely stolen your clothes, especially now that she's back in town and so close to you. Feels bad when she sees the note and returns your stolen clothes back to you, washed of course. She'll also buy you some new clothes and takes one article of clothing, she needs your smell y'know? She'll make sure to wash and return it when your scent is gone.

Hoshi: Hasn't stolen your clothes, but has definitely thought about it. Laughs so hard he falls to the floor when he reads the note you left. "People are ACTUALLY stealing your clothes?!?" Despite laughing, when he thinks about it, it ticks him off. If any one is going to be stealing your clothes, it should be HIM! He's the one dating you! "I'm buying you new clothes and getting you a safe to store them in. That, or you could come live with me and I'll beat the shit outta anyone who comes by to steal 'em"

Habiki: Hasn't thought about stealing your clothes so he hasn't done it. Doesn't notice the note until later in his visit. "Is... Is that a joke?" He points to the paper, looking disgusted. Why would anyone steal worn clothes?? After confirming it's not a joke, Habiki just sighs. "Lets get you some new clothes. Don't worry 'bout paying me back." He doesn't steal your clothes, but he tries to find the appeal about stealing worn clothes. He understands when all he smells is you. Still, you two are dating and he can smell you anytime he wants to.

Kage: He's solen your clothes so many times. He feels bad when he sees the note when he's about to steal some more clothes. He sighs and drops his plans of stealing your clothes. He heads back home and finally does the laundry, it's mostly your clothes. He'll return them back to you when he's done washing and drying them. He'll take a little something as a reward for giving you back your clothes.

Kei: He's stolen one thing of yours(your heart jk) and that's a shirt that you go to sleep in. He only ever steals that shirt. Once the scent is gone, he washes it and returns it back to you, waiting for you to wear it and get your scent all over it again. When he sees the note, he knows he's included, but definitely not the only one. Next time he goes to steal that shirt, he buys you a new shirt to wear every time and leaves you some(a lot of) money.

Yani: The main culprit honestly. He'll go to steal another article of clothing and see the note. It doesn't stop him from stealing your clothes. But the next day he returns with all your clothes that went missing months ago, but he didn't even wash them. You ask how he got your clothes, not wanting to expect the worst, but he just flat out tells you it was him before going over to you laundry basket, picking up a shirt and smelling it while telling you she likes your scent. Will ask you if you know how to turn your scent into a perfume that way Yani doesn't have to steal your clothes anymore. Still, he feels bad so he'll take you shopping, letting you know that he'll be stealing these as well after you've worn them, but at least you have all your other clothes back and Yani will start returning them to you, unwashed however.

Aki: Chokes as soon as she sees the note. Thinks it's a joke but quickly turns disgusted when she finds out it's not a joke. "That's serious, buddy. Call the police??? For now, lets get you some new clothes, don't even worry about paying me back." is so disgusted by the idea of others stealing your clothes that she stays over for a month and doesn't sleep at night, just stares at the window.

[snufflepup]

Yeah! From what I've seen of his game play on the cn server (about 4 updates ahead of mine [global server] because the global release was about 5 months after the cn release), he's super meta^^. Yeah honestly I wish I could go back in time and just stop her from breaking up with me cause I mean I loved her like death. Still do, but I'm trying so hard to move on cause atp I can see she lied when she said she'd love me forever and never break up. Yeah it's a white sugar stick and you lick it and dip it in green powder that turns blue^^ it tastes tart and like blue rasberry^^. I don't like suckers much cause they make my mouth feel wierd, but i love cherry suckers a lot. What are moams? Like marshmallows or something? Oh I liked once upon a time! Idk anyone my age who's seen it too lol. I watched it off my mom's DVDs up to season 5 I think. Sucks you can't really watch it. I'll start watching it tonight if I have time^^ I'll probably watch it with my sister cause she likes watching stuff with me^^. I can get that, I was like that with My hero academia before I fell out of love with the series. It was my first anime, so maybe I would have liked it more if I didn't hear so much hate for it lol. Konosuba is a comedy issekai, it's pretty funny and the mc is cool too^^. Hes hot and pretty funny and stupid. That sounds hillarious, im for sure watching it^^. I'm glad you like something so much^^ It's okay, sorry for being a bit of a bother about it -_-', I mean my asks are long lol. my days been okay, apart from trying to still work things out with my bitch of an ex. How's yours been? You said in my other asks tags that it wasn't the best lol. Do you not like cussing or something? Cute^^

-ike<3

That's cool then !!! ^–^ That's fair, I would probably feel the same if it haooened to me ! ooo ! I see ! I think there are similar things here !! It sounds good ! They are sort of like, chew-y things that come in a couple of different shapes ! A thin slab like shape, balls that have a harder shell, long rectangular sticks and little cubed packets that have a couple squares of them !! They come in a couple different flavours, but I think the sour ones are the ones I like the best ! I only tried them last halloween I think and since then I've always looked for them ! but there are always only like three of them if you buy the packet (◞ ‸ ◟' ' ) but the others are still good ! They are a similar texture to starbursts, if you know that ! They are pretty common where I am !! I watched it a lot when I waa youbger, but I stopped being uo to date with it for a while ! but I decided to watch everything but then . it happened . and then I just . can't do it . Maybe if I wasn't watching it by myself I could, or if someone wanted me too, but I get all . fjdhkfd /neg by myself ! Fairy Tail was my first anime, that I knew was an anime, at least ! I liked ponyo and stuff when I was younger ! Seeing all the dislike about it didn't make me dislike it, it just made me not really like a lot of people . It made me really sad epecially because a lot of the criticisms didn't actually . make sense, or at least then I didn't think so ! Like how people don't like the power of friendship stuff, to me it makes sense because of course they're emotional and their magic is fueled by emotions !! but I can understand more now, back then it confused me to no end ! Even if everyone dislikes it, I still like it a lot and I don't think that will ever change lol It's okay ! Don't worry, you weren't !!! I also used to be super into mha too ! I actually saved half of class 1-A's birthdays on my phone, only have because I . gave up halfway though, and still sometimes get alerts on my phone for them ! oooh !! cool !!! Is the water girl from that ? I saw a lot of her a couple years ago. . . aqua ? I'm . not sure . but I have been meaning to watch it, I think ! If it is a isekai then it is probably on one of my lists somewhere . I got really really into isekai animes a couple of months ago, more so the villainess ones but !

I'm glad your day has been alright, apart from that I mean ! Mine has been pretty good !! ( ≧ᗜ≦) nono I meant like . I have had a day were I am bad with words ! I don't know if that makes sense, but I can be a little . weird like that sometimes, like words are just . difficult to use !! I get bad hearing days too. . . I'm not really . sure why sometimes it just happens ! I can swear a lot sometimes, to be honest . I think my most said word for a while was shit

[statementlou]

I'm not gonna lie, Louis referring to his queer fans or the fact the he has them as "weird" would be pretty disheartening. one thing was to do that in 2014 around the great gay war, with so many indicators that they were actively fighting. another is to do this now, in 2023. and even a straight artist not for one second to consider his lyrics could resonate with queer fans regardless of larry would be a bit shitty. I'm just saying that whatever he says is gonna be VERY hard to believe he was forced to. And if he openly shits on Harry it's safe to say his career - as the chance of 1D ever reunite even for a quick photo - is over.

well I absolutely agree that he will not have been 'forced' to say anything that he says in this movie. And I hear where you are coming from, but I just think the catastrophizing is unnecessary. First of all, we have ONE (1) almost certainly made up and definitely purposefully shit stirring anon (and a slow news day) to thank for all this discourse, we have no idea yet what will be in the movie, and it is always weird to me that people are so ready to believe the worst when I, personally, feel like Louis always comes through for me and gives me the BEST. Have FAITH in LOUIS!! WHEN does he let us down like literally WHEN???? (Unless all you care about is him coming out/ ending it/ confirming larry, in which case, IDK, get your priorities right and appreciate what's in front of you? Cause those things are not happening.) But anyway...

I can completely imagine a scenario in which Louis says he thinks it's weird that so many queers feel inspired by him and it makes me want to hug him forever- because I think he does find it weird and remarkable. It makes me think of that one 1D days receipt where someone said they met him on the street and told him he inspired them as a gay and he was like "I don't see how with the way things are but that means a lot." I think that was probably made up, but also it rings true to me, I feel like he does find it wild that with the public face of everything we still are here and love him so much and see what we do in him and think he's brave. As for the Harry thing, anything he says about him will be taken wrong and distorted and picked on by everyone, if he says anything at all less than "he's my husband and has never done anything wrong in his entire life he is perfect" people will say he's "shitting on Harry"; but that said, Louis is an intelligent media trained person, why are people seriously debating whether he's gonna get on screen and talk shit about Harry Styles?! also literally when in Louis' entire life has he ever said one single bad thing about Harry come on It's not fucking realistic and that alone should tell you that that anon either made all that up or it's just a really bad interpretation of whatever was actually said because the person, like everyone else around here, was so busy expecting the worst that they couldn't just chill and listen to Louis. Like, worst case scenario, let's say he does say that Harry was being offered some really incredible opportunities and he wanted to take them and Louis hadn't really thought about what he would do after the band and so when that happened he felt blindsided and adrift by suddenly not having his ever waking moment scheduled and accounted for (as Liam has also talked about experiencing), would that be so horrible??? That sounds like real life stuff and I don't personally think anyone is the bad guy there or it's horrible to say, but also I BET HE DOESN'T SAY THAT. IDK man, I just think we should all calm down and wait and see, but I'm REALLY not worried that the bombshell of this movie will be Louis coming out as being against Harry or talking shit about his fans, you know?! Come ON. I expect that with the premieres before the release we're going to get a whole lot more overwrought interpretations of things but I don't buy it; I look forward to hearing what Louis has to say and I will be real surprised if it isn't reasonable and interesting and probably mostly NOT THAT BIG A DEAL

[mooncaps]

Little me, sometime in the 90's: Hey, wouldn't it be funny if I dressed up as a girl for Halloween? No, not a character from anything. Just a girl. You know, 'cause girls are scary, right? With the cooties and whatever. I should get a dress...and some heels. Ahhh, that would be so fun.

And that was after the year that I went as Ariel from The Little Mermaid...and the year that I went as a witch.

I don't have conscious memories of those two costumes, but I can see the joy in my face and almost feel it in my heart looking at these pictures.

I do have some memories of the year I wanted to dress up as a girl.

I got the dress. I think it was one that a friend in the same apartment complex had grown out of. And I borrowed some heels that were too big for me. I forget if they were my mom's heels or my friend's mom's heels. I think there was a wig too. I tried out wearing the dress and heels at home. I can remember the excess space around my little feet making it hard to walk. But when Halloween got closer, if memory serves, I'm pretty sure I chickened out and went with a hastily assembled ninja costume.

I forget what exactly made me decide to switch. I can't recall anyone saying anything mean or anything like that. Maybe it was a mirco-messaging thing. Or maybe I just started getting more worried about what people would think of me as I got older...which has definitely been a trend I've noticed in my adult life. Maybe I was afraid of people seeing the sincere interest behind the joke, or afraid of facing that in myself. I really can't remember why I chickened out. Whatever the reason, any conscious memory of it is as lost to me as the rest of my childhood traumas.

I kept that dress though. Locked it up in a little suitcase, just to hang on to the memory of that time I wanted to dress up as a girl. Even after more than two decades, after moving six times, after throwing several sentimental things away, I kept that little suitcase and never forgot that dress was in there. (I did forget about adding some other things to the suitcase.) I don't think I ever told anyone I kept the dress. Just quietly locked it away along with the part of myself that wanted to wear it.

I'm not even sure if I was honest with myself about why I hung on to it, or why I wanted to wear it in the first place. If I ever was honest with myself, I eventually forgot about it. Somewhere along the way I picked up the concept that I could like girly stuff if I did it as a joke. I could play pretend, but not express sincere interest. As long as I wasn't sincerely interested then nobody would be upset or worried about it. It didn't take very long for me to buy my own cover story and forget my own sincerity.

Halloween had that special magic, that little bit of permission, when I was actually allowed to want to be something other than what I was supposed to be.

Anybody else have Halloween memories that make them question their gender identity?

[timeoverload]

I had an episode at work earlier suddenly and I was so angry that I was in tears. Nothing triggered me other than my own thoughts and I thought I was going to snap. I wanted to scream and go crazy but I didn't. I got lost in my head and I was making assumptions about things that I'm not sure are even true. I typed up a long explanation about why I'm upset but I'm not going to post it. I don't want to make anyone mad because that's not my intention. It's not going to make anything better if I do say anything about it so I should be quiet. If you really want to know what I'm thinking, you can ask me yourself directly. I don't to involve anyone else in that conversation.

You also reminded me earlier that some of the best times in my life haven't happened yet.. when will that be..? It has been over 2 and a half years now. You told me santa claus was coming to town but I think he must have gotten lost. You are the only gift I wanted for Christmas so I was sad but I didn't want to make a big deal out of it and ruin your weekend. I'm not trying to blame you for how I feel. I also still want to give you the gift I got you for valentine's day. It's nothing that exciting but I hope you will like it whenever I'm allowed to give it to you.

Thanks for posting stuff on instagram because I appreciate it and it's very sweet. I wish it could substitute actual human interaction but I should be grateful you send me anything at all. Sometimes I feel like I am getting the silent treatment when you don't post on your tumblr for a while. I guess sometimes it seems like you are totally fine without me around but maybe you are good at hiding it. I know you are very busy all the time so you don't have time to sit at the computer like I do.

I hope that someday things will get better between us. I want to clarify that I am not angry with you. I am just having a horrible time trying to deal with this situation. There's so much uncertainty. I also miss you a lot.

Anyway I haven't had the best day. I'm sorry, I don't want to be a pessimist. I've been quiet for most of it and I still don't feel very talkative at the moment.

My eye is bothering me but it's not as bad as yesterday. My glasses still haven't arrived. I probably won't be able to get out of work to go pick them up so I'm not sure when I will get them.

I also can't drive anywhere until the snow melts. I'm stressed about Friday because I won't be able to go to my appointment if the roads still have ice or snow on them. I don't want to have to reschedule but my dad has to work so he won't be able to take me. I'm hoping it won't snow any more so I don't even have to consider that. I need to stop worrying about things I have no control over but it's so hard.

I wish I felt hungry because I really need to eat but I will try to force feed myself in a little bit. I want to be able to enjoy my food instead of feeling like I'm choking. I have been trying to avoid buying food at work to save money. I found out recently that the hospital bought the restaurant that caters our food every day and I'm tired of paying for it. I don't want to give back the money that I earned. It seems like they own everything in this town now and they are very greedy. Profits are more important to them than anything else. I don't want to support them. I will spend $2 on breakfast but that's it. Luckily breakfast has been better. There was a period of time where they would keep reheating the scrambled eggs several days in a row and they smelled and tasted horrible. I only ate them because I was starving at the time and they didn't have anything else. If I buy lunch, it is usually over $8 and it's rarely good anymore. Other people have complained about it so I know it's not just me being a picky eater. I think they send us all of the old leftovers from the restaurant so they can save money. I know I should take my own lunch but I can barely make myself dinner at night as it is. It's cheaper to just skip lunch. I have been drinking boost a lot with my dinner to try to compensate for not eating lunch. I know that's not something I can do forever.

I've given up soda for now but that's because I made myself sick last week. I don't want it anymore. I have switched to sugar free energy drinks and they don't make me feel quite as bad. They have a ton of sodium though so I have been drinking so much water. I can't remember the last time I went an entire day without caffeine and that's sad. I have withdrawals if I don't have any.

I'm sorry for being so grumpy. I am having a bad mental health day but otherwise everything else was ok I guess. I am grateful that I had a peaceful morning where nothing bad happened and there was no one around to throw tantrums. I went in early because the eye coordinator texted me late on Friday night to tell me my ultrasonic washer was broken. I got there and I had no problems using it so I'm not sure what happened but I was relieved I didn't have to scramble to find a temporary replacement. They have one in the basement I could use but I didn't want to haul it upstairs because it's a pain when I have to do that. I also didn't have eye cases this afternoon and there aren't any scheduled for tomorrow afternoon either. I was able to dispatch earlier without too many issues and I wrapped 5 sets of total pans so I got a lot done. I think I lifted too much though because my back hurts and my leg is tingly. I got to leave on time and the department didn't look like a disaster zone so that made me feel good.

I am going to try really hard to be positive. I know I will make it because I always do somehow. I will do my best to put a smile on my face tomorrow even if sucks. I have been rambling for a long time so I'm sorry about that. I still have shit I need to do tonight unfortunately. I need to make some soup soon I think. I'm going to get ready for bed after that. I need to try to sleep more than 4 hours tonight.

Thank you all for listening to me even when I'm a moody mess. Hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow. 💖💖💖

[mcalhenwrites]

It took me far too long to realize that all the hard work had paid off and continued to do so, in regards to my writing. In the past, when I'd feel proud of a story or a scene, I'd immediately scramble back to, "Well, someone will read it, and they'll find the flaws, and they'll know I'm an imposter."

Every single person who writes - even those who've done it 50, 60 years - doesn't do it perfectly. That's impossible.

The definition of what makes "good" writing also varies per person. I personally love it when the writing style is a bit more poetic (you can see that influence slowly infiltrating my own work) and we hear details about the characters that give us more depth about their background and personality. Meanwhile, some people want that to be kept vague and for the story to cut to the chase.

I though my writing was too simple/basic, and I've been told my writing wasn't good enough for anyone to read in writing circles. I've been told my characters all fall into the same category. There's more history with this, but people read my fics and my original works and still liked them. I know these things weren't true then and they're especially not true now, but I was so insecure and afraid that I believed the negative commentary most.

I don't think being hard on myself was all that helpful, either. So none of that improved me. My methods of going about improvement did, but I might have done better at this stage in life if I hadn't let terrible people confirm my negative feelings.

(This isn't about criticism, either. I like concrit! But insulting someone's work or tearing it down in a public space for your friends to have a go just makes you a shitty person. It doesn't make you helpful whatsoever.)

I've also not been able to trust writing circles for years, which sucks. I have some friends who also write, but I'm typically pretty careful and don't do well integrating into new writing circles. Not really fair to the writers in them, so I've finally dipped out of trying to get involved in any until I figure out how to socialize without fearing that I'll end up the butt of all jokes.

And getting over that is hard, I tell you. Even now, I hesitate. "My writing might actually be all those things, and I'm defying reason by saying it's good." Only to then realize that if I wrote exactly like those people's favorite authors, but they knew it was me, it wouldn't matter how good it was. They were out to make fun. Maybe that stems from jealousy or just their own general insecurity that makes them need to drag down others with them. I'm sure some were not into whatever I was writing, but it's improtant to learn how to handle that without being cruel to the author and their work.

All I can really do about it is make sure that's the type of writer I never become. That's the best I can do: support writers by buying books, leaving genuine commentary on AO3, and enjoying my own writing journey.

I love writing. The joy of creating characters and worlds, of weaving them into words... I love that entire process so much. I told myself a year ago - when I took down all my writing from the public eye and locked my works in a private AO3 collection - that I wanted to focus on that for a while. It helped me so much to take a step back for about three months. I also don't mind that most of that stuff is still private.

I did leave up a couple of anon works, but only because I didn't want them to disappear at the same time that all my other writing did. (And those are still anon, and people don't know I've written them.)

These days, I still worry that even the writing I've set aside for publication will never take off, and that I won't have my writing career, but... that's never going to stop me from writing any of it. At this point, I don't think anything beyond a life-altering severe health issue or death is capable of stopping me.

This doesn't mean I doubt my writing quality! I think that the book industry isn't particularly great to begin with, and self-publication is complicated when you have to be your own PR person. What I write is also not for everyone. It's a little weird to say it's niche, as if that makes it special, but I just mean that it might only ever appeal to a small group of people.

I have to keep writing what's in my heart. But after all this time, I'm glad I'm still here, that I have always and will always write what I need to, for myself.

And it's also okay if I want to monetize some of it and share some of it for free, if I want to post or publish it because I think it's good enough to share. Libraries and book stores exist because people do that. We now have the internet to share our writing, whether it be original or fic, and I think that's a beautiful thing. (Side note that fic is just as valuable as original, and I don't condone saying one is better than the other. That's needlessly cruel to people who work hard on their writing writing, regardless of what they write. The publishing industry has its messes, but fics/fandoms do too, and you just have to find the writers who deliver what you like. If you exclusively prefer fic to original or original to fic, that's fine, just don't make your personal tastes a reason to insult millions of writers whose works you've never read. As an author of both and as a fan of authors who write both... I have a wider pool of writing to enjoy!) Anyway, I suppose I'll always fight some imposter syndrome, but... it's nice to also recognize my own skill level. It's nice to have others recognize it, too. I do think that helps a little. We all need some support and encouragement. We shouldn't forget our roots, but it's not necessary to take the journey through writing alone unless that's what we prefer. :)