#I'm a bit worried about if anyone will actually want to buy stuff from me

[avatarkasia-art]

Getting merch ready for MCM Comic Con London in October!! First time printing so keychains and stickers properly and it's quite exciting!

[yurinaa-world]

Please forgive me for bothering you, but can you do blade, jing yuan and dan heng (separate), where the reader has the personality of the raiden ei? Please

And I love your writing, it's really good! ^^

Characters: Blade, Jing Yuan, and Dan Heng x Female Reader

Synopsis: with reader that's like ei

Warnings: Fluff and spelling mistakes,

Notes: I ended up mixing these two if you don't mind

𝐵𝓁𝒶𝒹𝑒

Honestly, tall, strong women are what he likes: striking down people with lighting and having a very cold personality, but having a warm personality and liking sweet things now is what he’s into. He can get a little handsy with you, like your waist; he's going to be all around that if Kafka doesn't have hypnotized half the time and he would be on his knees for you, a hook line and sinker, I tell you.

Why bother understanding ‘those people’ when you have him? Since you are the same, you don’t have to bother to even try to think on the same level with 'them', which is a waste of time if you ask him.

He’ll get you anything you want. Want candy? He’ll get it. Want to buy clothes? He’ll get it, no matter how expensive it is! Want someone’s head? Sure! Can’t cook? Don’t worry about that, dearest.

𝒥𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝒶𝓃

Long hair, twins!! stylish and strong now; that's what you call a power couple; it’s giving a dumb husband and a pretty wife at its finest, I tell you. You both have spark, and your lighting (gold and purple) mixes to make rose tea (I actually went on a color mixer).

Your wedding is going to be gold and purple (or already happened), and now he even made a whole separate room that is full of purple, and everything in that room is purple, from the bed sheets to the carpet. It is full of things you like about your sweet tooth, but you would rather sleep with him in that room.

𝒟𝒶𝓃 𝐻𝑒𝓃𝑔

You always ask him why people feel a certain way or act the way they do, and he’ll give you an answer since you don’t seem to understand other people. When you both got together, your confession was a little weird. You know, the way you say that you never felt anything towards anyone like this before, and if his heart beat like his?!! What? It did, but he never thought someone could be so airheaded with emotions like you.

March is totally both of your wingmen—well, more like yours—because you just have a hard time with feelings and stuff. He tells you what kind of gifts Dan Heng would want and then just watches you from the sidelines, trying to give him the gift with a bit of a nervous expression on your face.

Li Dan Heng time: power couple again, of course, like, look at you too; you both look like you’ll strike down anyone that dared to speak out of turn in front of them, just radiating, “I don’t think I'm better then; I know, so get on your knees and ask for mercy.” That kind of vibe.

if you liked this, consider tipping me on ko-fi! it'd mean a lot!

[invidiia]

oh my god the yan!dazai x willing reader fic😭 i love reading this type of content (its a trauma response but the idea of someone obsessing over me brings me comfort </3)

Can you write something more for yan!dazai and reader? Like dazai somehow forgets his keys at home giving reader full access to run away/call for help, but when he comes back running to his apartment worried he sees them cooking something for him and what surprises him the most is the fact that he didn’t have most of the ingredients which means that they went outside to buy them and actually came back <3

❐ - yandere osamu dazai (bsd) with a reader who to left the house to make dinner.

note ; HII thank you for requesting!! and the beginning of the request really made me think, and i realized you were completely right and i relate deeply !! on another topic besides the request, i feel bad about writing ever since character ai came about, because what's the point of writing fics and hcs for people who can just make everything they want happen with ai?! but i'll continue, of course!! alsoo ada dazai

prompt ; dazai's beloved cooks for him after he left for the store.

warning ; kidnapping, possibly soft!yandere dazai AT FIRST, mentioned suicide (it's dazai)

masterlist - rules - previous work

when dazai finally trusts you enough to be by yourself while he went out to run errands, it was like you felt relief for the first time in years. maybe it was.

he didn't specify what he was doing, but he did seem like he would be out for a long time. but for whatever reason in the world, you didn't exactly plan to fully escape from him. maybe you were on something, because anybody else would have went as far as they could.

dazai kissed the top of your top of your head affectionately. "my dear," he addressed to you, his voice sweet, just like every other time he spoke. "i have to run errands, okay? can you promise me that you'll be good while i'm gone?" dazai rested his head on top of yours, holding you closely to his chest in a tight hug. you nodded your head against him, and he smiled. "i'll be off now, my love." and with that, dazai walked out the door, completely forgetting his keys on the table.

maybe you were drugged, high or some kind of intoxicated, because anyone would be overjoyed to see that their kidnapper left their keys with them, and they'd try to leave! i mean, dazai was normally cautious - how stupid of him this evening.

but for just some reason, any reason in the world, you didn't leave the house for freedom. instead it was for.. groceries? dazai did feed you often, but it was usually food from a local place that he liked a lot more than cooking, hence the reason there were barely any ingredients to make dinner with.

maybe you were doing this to gain trust and then turn your back on him later? well, it was too late, dazai left the keys here, and you were free to escape. so the first place you decided to go? the grocery store.

walking through the produce isle, you turned your head anxiously, looking behind your back to see if dazai found out you left and followed you. but no one was there, not at all. you were safe.

you gathered up money from inside your pockets when the man first took you - enough to buy a couple vegetables, a bag of rice, and a bit of chicken. that was enough for tonight!

upon your return to the apartment, nobody was there, so you got to work, having not been caught by dazai on your little outing to the store.

it was pretty easy to make fried rice. you found yourself in the kitchen chopping vegetables to put into the frying pan while you seasoned the chicken. dazai didn't have a ton of seasoning in his cabinets.. guess this guy liked his stuff plain? but you worked with what you had, and you were able to make a pretty damn good plate of chicken fried rice. the meal was perfect, and you had just finished when the door opened up. it was dazai. the brunette man opened up the door rather quickly, slipping inside the apartment. "belladonna.. this smells amazing!"

dazai was quick to praise your cooking, even telling you that he didn't want to eat your masterpiece in hopes of ruining it, but you told him to sit down and just eat it.

and that he did, and he loved it! he didn't act like anything was wrong, it went perfect! he praised your cooking skills the entire time while he ate.

even you forgot that you snuck out to retrieve your ingredients!

"belladonna," dazai spoke, sweetly. you were both nearing the end of the meal, with just two bites of the food left on the plate. "your cooking is absolutely perfect, you know that? i almost forgot that we didn't have any vegetables in the house." you tensed up. this was such a stupid idea, sneaking out to get ingredients for your meal. "i found those in the cabinet, you brought them home one night. don't you remember?" you lied nervously, biting up the inside of your mouth while you just silently begged he would believe you. "i would never think about willingly buying bell peppers unless i planned to cook such a meal. why would you leave the apartment, dear?" dazai slid his chair back, stepping towards you with his hands in his pockets. this was stupid, a stupid mistake that you can't undo. "no matter.. you didn't run away.. so what am i to do with you?" he grabbed a lock of your hair, pulling it upwards so you could face him. you cried out, whimpering in pain - but he paid no attention to it, looking you in the eye. "let's see."

[nostalgia-tblr]

My Next Attempt At Long Fic (by which I mean more than 10000 words and it has chapters) Should Be...

Poll and the (actually quite long) gist of each option below le cut:

The Sylki Con Artists AU

This one I have a wee bit written of already but I go back and forth on this one because it's Alternative Universe - Modern Setting and I feel like there's already a lot of those (which I also complain about a lot), and I have to justify it to myself as an experiment in whether I can do a Sylki Modern AU that doesn't just end up as "two people called Loki and Sylvie do normal stuff together". That's why they are con artists in this! Because 1) MISCHIEF (or crime, or whatever) and 2) if they have the same 'job' for similar reasons and I go on about them being similar a lot then that's maybe as close as reality can get to selfcest. (The selfcest is not just a feature of sylki, I feel it is THE feature and to admit to being Bad At Shipping (again) I'm just not that interested in it if they're different people who aren't even aliens. The same alien.) (You can tell me they are gods all you want but I've seen enough Doctor Who to know that must be A LIE so I reject it as such.)

The plot is that they meet in a bar one night and shag (obviously!) and then the reader discovers that Loki is trying to buy a painting from an old woman (planning on ripping off both her and his own buyer) and Sylvie is an artist who is selling a forged painting to some posh twat on the internet who she knows is trying to rip off her fake old lady persona on the deal but she's selling him a fake painting anyway so at least he deserves to be conned. They meet up a few times before finally realising that they are in fact conning each other under fake names on the internet, and then I have to try and fix it when they inevitably get mad at each other because of it. Also, Thor works in a shop because the brodinsons are Downwardly Mobile (dad spent all their inheritance, oh no!) Plotwise Loki is going to actually need Sylvie's painting for reasons I have not yet entirely worked out so one way or another they will have to eventually forgive each other for being con artists as they themselves are and for having attempted to con each other.

Ideally I will be able to make this one funny in some way, as I think the concept can get absurd enough to make a rom-com out of it.

2. The Jotun Heat Fic (also sylki)

I was into this one for about a day and now I have second thoughts because I am not sure I care enough about Frost Giant Biology to have to write an entire fic about it. It would continue my tradition (I did it once, that's enough for it to be a tradition) of turning a tiny ficlet into a much longer thing. This one: The Opposite of Heat, in which Loki and Sylvie go into whatever the Jotun equivalent of the fandom fave 'mating cycles/in heat' trope is, having never done so before because (see if you can guess...) they've never previously spent enough time around another Jotun for the hormones to kick in properly. They have no idea this can happen, and what starts out as Fun Porno-Fic Times soon gets a bit worrying and then I suppose they have to Investigate and that's the bit I fear might end up boring me.

This is set in an AU where S2!Loki did not instantly demand that Sylvie help him with his cop friends' problems and instead just went to live in Oklahoma with her, so the other/'real' plot is them getting used to living together and the weird-but-sexy medical issue bringing them into conflict because of course the first place Loki wants to go for help is the TVA (this not unreasonable of him, as they have a lot of info in their archives and he has no other friends anyway), which Sylvie is not keen on as she would rather just avoid them for the rest of forever. Gosh, I hope nobody goes to the TVA for help behind anyone else's back!

I need a way to make this one stay interesting once it gets to the Find Out What Is Happening part and also it needs to not just immediately end with a sensible solution like just going to Jotunheim and asking someone there for a talk about the frost-birds and the frost-bees.

Also I think they should fuck in that McDonalds. Just because.

3. Jotunheim Rejects The Guy Who Cannot Possibly Be Its Rightful King, Because I'm Annoying Like That AU (not thorki)

Speaking of going to Jotunheim, you know all those fics where Loki goes to be the Rightful King Of Frostland, as Odin apparently planned all along? That but it doesn't work, because I am not at all convinced he can have been Laufey's heir (who the fuck infanticides their only male heir?!) and even if he was well it'd just look awful, wouldn't it? Crusty Old Odin, worst friend to Jotunheim for several years running, sends back your kingdom's heir having raised him as one of his own family. (I hope at least one of you is thinking "US-Backed Puppet Ruler Who Will Do Whatever The CIA Tells Them To" because I did too! Ooh, geopolitical barely-subtext!)

The problem with this one for me is it requires a fairly large cast of Original Jotun Characters, and I still fear writing OCs because of the constant 'Mary-Sue' complaints in my fannish youth. Also I would Controversially (LOL not really) make some of them women, including Angrboda the ambitious would-be consort and Laufey's tragically spurned lover who on finding out that her long-dead son is not dead makes the most of it by insisting everyone call her 'My Lady, the King's Mother' (yes, I stole that from History but I do that sort of thing now, for the LOLs). So I have a bit of an idea what happens in this one, though I'd need to think of more political type plot stuff and also I just finished writing a multichapter fic that involved the Jotun succession so maybe I'd be overdoing it if I did this one now as well.

The other problem is Jotuns are too fucking tall. I mean really. This doesn't seem to bother anyone else but they are Too Fucking Tall to interact with the shorter characters, to the point that it just seems accidentally comedic to me. Just imagine the totally-not-a-puppet king of Jotunheim sitting on a massive throne, swinging his wee legs in the air. And I don't know how to work around that other than just saying "they are Less Fucking Tall in this fic" and I don't know if that would just annoy people. Also it does feel a bit incendiary to go against the general fandom insistence that Loki Is Totally The Rightful King Of Jotunheim. Though I suppose in this he is, it's just that he attempts to become so in the sort of circumstances that make everyone start saying things like "are we really that keen on our monarchy?" or at least "surely there's a cousin or an uncle we could give the crown to instead? yeah, even a woman would do. no, she doesn't have to be alive if there are only dead ones available."

(It was a mistake to let me read books about the Wars of the Roses, wasn't it?)

Oh and this isn't a thorki fic, but Thor is going to go to Jotunheim with his bro to help him settle in and also he will be going back to rescue him from it at the end. Bros before snows!!!!

[misshorrorotaku]

Not gonna lie, a little disappointed in @tracingpapier. Turning off reblogs so I couldn't even respond to her is a bit of a petty move. This is a long ass response, so I'm gonna use bullets to respond to each point.

If you have me blocked, tracinpapier must be a side-blog or something cuz I can see your blog just fine, reblog your posts, and mention you.

I actually am worried about someone being scammed. GoFundMe's on Tumblr have nearly all been scams since they first started appearing. GoFundMe's based around Gaza are all phrased the same way, often have the same images and are usually vetted by one single person. But all of them completely lack evidence they're legit in any capacity. I don't want scammers taking advantage of people's compassion to get a little richer. If this wasn't my motivation, I'd just leave y'all to keep donating. XD

(The next screenshot requires reading the one above and the below as it involves that screenshotted post)

How is that deligitimizing what they experienced? If it's not a genocide, it's not a fucking genocide. Correctly labeling something is only "deligimizing" if you think it needs to be wrongly labeled as a worse thing to be legitimate. A very Oppression Olympics way of thinking.

The UN has Iran on it's human rights council, has uncritically backed Hamas' lies to the point they've had to roll back their estimations on how many have died in the conflict due to Hamas doing so themselves, the ICJ, a UN court, fell asleep listening to Israel's defense in the South Africa case, and an UN judge stated he was going to go to Israel to gather evidence and instead didn't go to Israel and called for arrest warrants against israeli leaders. This is all to say, I really don't give a fuck if a random UN Reporter (or "Rapporteur") said something. This is an appeal to authority fallacy using a very biased authority. And for that matter, it was was so cut an dry, and the UN had evidence of genocide, why didn't the ICJ convict Israel of genocide? Sounds to me like this is more an opinion piece than an actual piece of evidence.

The next screenshot and half of the following is the rest of the excerpt she provided. Feel free to read if you want.

If you can't verify the GoFundMe's are legitimate, and I know for a fact you've 100% been on Tumblr long enough to know that most GoFundMe's on here are scams, sharing them uncritically is irresponsible.

Your best option is 100% to ignore it. GoFundMe themselves say that they cannot send money to Gaza, as it is not listed among their supported countries. And quite frankly, it is far FAR more likely to be a scam than a legit cry for help from a group you think is facing genocide and, given you hold pro-pal beliefs, famine. This means you also likely buy into the idea they have no electricity, water or shelter. Tell me, how does that equal "is capable of live-blogging to social media"? Hell, if this is legit, why would they ask for tens of thousands of dollars instead of the actual amount they'd need to evacuate (which is a LOT smaller than that)?

Hey, you can post what you want. I wasn't telling you to delete it. If you want to spread a likely scam because there's tiniest fraction of a chance a Gazan is actually asking for help, and being greedy as fuck while they do so, them by all means, spread it. As you say, it's your blog. I was just giving the info that GoFundMe does not operate in the middle east, so that way anyone who uses their brain and looks through the notes of your post can realize they're most likely looking at a scam. Just as you have the right to post whatever you want, I have the right to give information proving something you posted is unlikely to be legit.

My tag isn't a general discourse tag, it's a general filter tag. One I've used for years and see no reason to stop using for potentially triggering content simply because it's a bit more serious than the usual stuff I use it for. And I disagree about this being a genocide. That should already be obvious since you called me a "Zionist" and you people think basically means "Nazi who gets off to the idea of dead kids."

Yes you are, and I never said you were the person to argue with about this. I wasn't trying to argue, I was giving information to anyone who sees the post. Unlike you, apparently, I care about avoiding giving money to monsters who take advantage of people's compassion.

As I said before, I can see your blog, mention you and reblog from you. I had no way of knowing I had been blocked by you, especially since I've followed you for years and you've not once even TRIED telling me you weren't comfortable with that despite all the times I've faced and reblogged your art. So don't pretend I'm doing something wrong here. I had no way of knowing you did not want me interacting with your blog.

Let me make this last part clear so you can't complain about it later:

I will only respond to you. I will not seek your blog to send you asks or to stalk any posts you might be making behind my back. This conversation ends when you stop responding.

If you don't want to have this conversation, then go ahead and ignore this post. :P

I love your art, and your choice of ship. I have nothing against you personally, even if you might have something against me for not agreeing with your point of view. Have a good day/night, or whatever time it is for you if you choose to ignore this.

[mysticstarlightduck]

Personality Through Quotes

Thanks for the tag @kaylinalexanderbooks!!! (here)

MY QUOTE IS: A quote about a weird habit they/someone else has.

YOUR QUOTE IS: A quote about your character's feelings about their world's government

Corah - "Hmm. Sometimes I tend to wake up in the middle of the night to stare at the stars. I don't know why, but it's very calming. I like to count out all the constellation Dad has taught me about and the tales about each one, and then I try to make up new ones until the stories get more and more chaotic and outlandish with each new one and then I go back to sleep."

Arammys - "I would say my weird habit is that, from time to time, I try making up stories in my mind, to replace the memories I don't have, and its come to the point that that habit's more like an intrusive thought rather than anything else and it concerns me. Like, I'll see someone on the street and immediatelly start imagining a whole backstory for how we might've met before and how they're my former best friend turned rival turned acquaintance - and the next thing I know I forgot what I was doing - But I'm normal, right? That's totally normal, right?"

Eidan - "I collect stuff! Genuinely. There's no real pattern to it and I don't really remember why I started. It's not an obsession or anything, just a hobby to distract me from stuff that might upset me. I'll just be walking down the riverbed and be like 'ooh that's a neat shell' and pick it up and add it to The Collection. I'll walk through the market and see a silk ribbon necklace on sale and I'll buy it and guess what, add it to The Collection. Anything that really stands out to me in some way makes it to my collection - but I have to really, really like the thing in order for it to be chosen. My collection of assorted knick knacks is as random as it is carefully curated. (smiles, actually proud of his collection)"

Nimwen - "Oh, neat! Not my weird habit, but my brother's - when he is upset he starts counting in Syllen, which is a local dialect from the city where we were born which nobody - except scholars and really really specific groups of people - really uses anymore. He also worries a lot and used to talk in his sleep - not anything concerning, just gibberish, but enough to wake me up every five minutes until I got used to it."

Rin - "People say I'm weird because I eat bugs and rodents. I don't think that's weird - they don't think it's weird for birds to eat those things, and my species is basically just a humanoid bird (okay, I'm an avian fey to be precise). Insects and rodents are a natural part of my diet, and people are the ones who need to stop being so sensitive to everything I do. Hey, is that a cricket?"

Tomasa - "Oh, my turn, my turn! I like to sing at the top of my lungs while bathing, even if I am admiteddly a bit off key I am having fun. I also like to go to taverns where no one knows anything about me and try to challenge the biggest dude in the place to a drinking contest! The look on their faces when I win is always priceless."

Masen - "Does using the bardic talents I hoped to one day be famous for to steal from my audience because I've had to become a thief instead count as a weird habit? That's not a rhetoric question, does it? I really wanna know, dude!"

Kyran - "I'm not really the kind of person who has 'weird habits', but if you really want to know... some of my inventions aren't exactly that legal, and they do have a tendency to... explode? But only on occasion, and sometimes to my favor, but you didn't hear it from me and you don't have any proof to tell anyone you heard this."

Maryon - "I like climbing to the roof of the towers of the castles - it's a beautiful and breathtaking view. I can see my whole city from there, covered in beautiful snow and blue ice, and the mountains of Tirawen are a small dot on the horizon. Occasionally, I'll see the outline of a dragon flying in the distance! I don't think it's a 'weird' habit, but it is certainly a risky one. I sometimes do this for fun, other times to escape from my duties when I want some peace and quite, haha"

Florynce - "I talk to the trees - and they whisper back at me! So do the flowers and the rocks and the rivers and the birds, and all of the forest! It says my blood runs through it."

Leora - "Don't tell anyone, or my reputation as the fearless underground leader might be at risk. But I still have my childhood plush toy and I can only sleep if I have it on my bed. It brings me comfort in a way little else does."

Elias - "Ooh, I have one hell of a list of weird quirks curated and stored straight from my brothers' childhood - Masen used to sleepwalk, until he one day he hit a wall and woke everyone in the house but not himself, Kyran one time got into an argument with an old lady at the market because they couldn't decide whether or not the scarf a vendor was selling was lilac or purple and turns out it was neither because it was pink, Masen used to cry whenever he heard a sad story involving dogs, Kyran said he hated the sea but turns out he didn't want to admit he was scared of sea monsters - want me to keep going? Because I can."

Tagging (gently, no pressure):@steh-lar-uh-nuhs @inky-duchess @late-to-the-fandom, @eccaiia @willtheweaver @littleladymab @cabbojage @lassiesandiego @little-peril-stories @oh-no-another-idea @thepeculiarbird @rickie-the-storyteller @crowandmoonwriting @steh-lar-uh-nuhs @gummybugg @forthesanityofstorytellers @doublegoblin @aalinaaaaaa @starlit-hopes-and-dreams @elshells @clairelsonao3 @anyablackwood @tabswrites @illarian-rambling and OPEN TAG

[thefiery-phoenix]

Hey, first off wanted to say I’m a huge fan of your work I’ve been reading ur work for a while and I’ve read your match ups, do you still do matchups for Harry Potter? If you are doing that here’s some info😭:

Looks: Indian, black wavy hair, 5’7, brown eyes with a hint of amber, unconventionally attractive face wise

Personality: very awkward and shy at first but later really loud and adventurous when u get to know me, sarcastic, sharp tounge, funny, smart, empathetic and sensitive, clueless and ditzy of what goes on around me, kind, ambitious

House: slytherin

Style: baggy clothes, streetwear,

Hobbies/pastimes: playing Roblox, reading books, tennis and skateboarding, listening to music,

Ps—>Ik this is a random match up but pleaseeee don’t match me up with Tom riddle I’ll take anyone with him, no offense to him but he’s scary especially since he’ll be Voldemort 💀

Yep, I'm still open for matchups and thank you for liking my work, I really appreciate your kind words a lot, I feel honored you take the time to read my nonsensical work lol. And don't worry, your plea has been answered, I ain't too fond of Moldy Voldy too lol. I'd ship you with...Oliver Wood

Oliver here as a yandere would be caring but not to mention incredibly possessive, clingy and EXTREMELY competitive and obsessive of you as well. He's actually humble about his talents and stuff but when you're around, he can't help but show off a bit for you since he does need to impress you after all. He hopes you fall in love with him after watching him play Quidditch. And he's as serious as making you only his no matter what, just like how he's serious about Quidditch 

You could be from a different house and be on the Quidditch team of another house but he just sees this as a way to prove himself to you that he's worthy of your love and affection, he's driven by you to win. It's like you're his source and ray of inspiration, a pillar of strength for him, always pushing him to do better and do his best. Of course, when he shows off too much around you the other members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team are ready to call him out on his behavior much to the amusement of everyone else there and to the embarrassment of Oliver. "Oh, Oliver, is that Y/N I see?" asked Fred in a sing song teasing voice and Oliver tried to quickly look around to where you were and when you flashed him a smile from the stands, he could swear on Merlin that his heart did a somersault 

The others started snickering after seeing Oliver's furious blush and who did he think he was fooling? No one was buying the 'I barely even noticed them' nonsense. "They look good don't they?" teased George and Oliver replied in a dreamy way with a small smile on his face "They look good every day... wait... what? HEY! Focus on the match, we need to beat Slytherin today at any cost no matter what!" he turned firm and strict again, making sure his team mates trained hard to beat Slytherin no matter what. His hatred for Slytherin didn't just stop at Quidditch, it just became more stronger when he saw Marcus Flint, the Slytherin's Quidditch team captain talking with you about something

He didn't know why as soon as he saw that sight he felt like either punching him in the face and sending him to the hospital wing or hexing him, a hex involving something about him not being able to use his mouth or tongue anymore to talk with you. He didn't know why he felt so bad, bitter and a mix and storm of emotions flurry inside him. Ranging from rage, anger to resentment and fear. The fear of losing you, for someone like him. No, he would not allow it. He would NEVER allow it, never in a million years, He can even lose in Quidditch, there's always a next time to win but he just can't afford to lose you under any circumstances

"Is he bothering you Y/N?' asked Oliver as he suddenly rushed to your side and distanced you from Flint. Flint scowled and you smiled and replied "No Oliver it's all right, he was just asking me about the homework we received from Potions by Professor Snape. I do have to admit, writing a 5000 word essay based on Potions all around the world and it's effects is quite difficult'' and Oliver immediately needed to get you away from Flint. He didn't like you spending time with him and besides, he could deal with him later on. "Would you like to watch me practice if it's not too much of a hassle? I really look forward to seeing you there'' and you smiled and told him you'd come with him saying bye to Flint 

It took him all his restraint not to punch Flint for flirting with you after the practice was done. He wasn't mad at you, of course not. He could never be mad at you, in his eyes you're literal perfection, the definition of a god/ goddess who could do no wrong. Even if you do end up doing something wrong at some point in your life, he will find a hundred different to justify your actions. He'll do his best to keep other guys away from you. Will he stalk you? Well, he prefers to call it 'looking out for you' after all, not everyone at Hogwarts is to be trusted like the Slytherin Quidditch team or Roger Davies for that matter, the irritating hindrance between you both 

Oliver is also very protective and a fussy yandere when it comes to you. He treats even the slightest of the scratches like a flesh wound by someone who stabbed you or something. If at all you do get hurt during Quidditch, he'll make you rest, he doesn't want you playing or doing anything when you're injured. He'll drop everything and rush to you, after making sure you're all right he'll carry you bridal style to the Hospital wing for a checkup by Madam Pomfrey just to make sure you aren't really injured. However if someone deliberately injures you, he isn't going to go easy on them. Not only will be make them suffer the humiliation of losing to him and his team at Quidditch, but he'll also break a few bones and send them packing to the Hospital wing, and a few hexes and jinxes won't really go amiss either 

If you keep getting injured or flirted with by people, he'll grow anxious for your safety and after feeling slightly insecure, he'll have to kidnap you to save you from all those scumbags. It's for your own good darling, just trust him he'll take care of everything for you

[mogoce-nocoj]

München, 04.12.23

okay! now that I've actually managed to arrive home from Munich and had the day to calm down for a bit, I'm just gonna link xia's munich report here (because it includes most of the important bits) and add some of the stuff that I keep thinking about

Watching the Khäärijä OF videos during queueing was so funny because everyone was caught between feeling slightly embarrassed and really interested

I arrived later but apparently Kris and Jan (I think) walked through the wrong door and the queue had to show them where to go into the venue

the queue system worked perfectly and I can't thank all the people responsible for it enough for implementing it

I know people have been talking about how Nace has this energy when he's right in front of you and I get it now. I do. When he was close I had my own "oh." moment about him. like, wow.

Bojan was in such a good mood, joking around and telling stories and really looking like he was enjoying the concert and being close to the crowd

Bojan during plastika holding a pride flag “don't be plastic, be fantastic”

During queueing I jokingly suggested that I was gonna clap the rhythm to vem da greš which they did during the nordic tour but stopped doing afterwards; what I didn't consider was that I was so close to the stage that Bojan actually noticed me doing it and proceeded to give me the softest smile. I can't tell you what having his full attention does to a person because, phew. don't think I'll ever recover

When Bojan caught the bracelets people were admiring him for it and he very loftily said “so does anyone want to throw a baseball?” before being bombarded by other gifts. his face really changed from being suave to slight panic in only a few seconds, that was a really funny thing to experience (it wasn't a bad panicked face, no worries)

there were a bunch of Slovenian people in the crowd and Bojan really enjoyed bantering with them

I think someone said it already but I want to stress how funny it was that they only made it to Munich because the organiser booked their flight to Memmingen. like why would you do that. it did save them though

Okay, just a bit of bokris stuff (because they are always in my heart after all, even if they decide to bully me whenever I'm in the crowd)

yes kris didn't sing ngvot (that's my curse, apparently) but in contrast to wrocław there was an actual conversation going on where Kris told Bojan to sing it which was cute

Bojan caressed Kris's chest at some point and I'm so sad I didn't get that on video because it was really soft

I think after Vienna Bojan's convinced that “Zugabe” is a literal translation of “one more” because he kept repeating it so often lol

after the encore Bojan apparently took the wrong exit and had to bolt across the stage to the other door making everyone turn around in confusion

I know this report is very Bojan focused but he really just draws you in, in particular in the middle. like you just have to give him your attention and while I also enjoy being at the back, being at the front and having no choice but to be focused on him is also really an experience

(I can't thank xia enough for buying the jo sweater for me because for one second i forgot that I was in Germany and could only pay in cash and nearly had a breakdown thinking I couldn't get it. I'm living in that sweater now, btw.)

the crew were really trying to get us to leave after the show like repeating “what are you standing around here, the band is gone” and while I get it, it was very funny considering that we weren't actively waiting for them and just got caught up in conversation (and Bojan and Nace posting the Hojan shirt)

... this might've turned out longer than I expected, I think Turku will always be my favourite because it was my first Joker Out gig but this one is getting pretty pretty close. thanks to all the people I met and got to talk to and who made this gig such a wonderful experience ❤️

[cidthesquid]

The Shop has re-opened! Style Savvy: Trendsetters #04

[Previous Post]              [First Post]              [Next Post] Hello again! it's been a while, I was sick for a while, and got a bit busy trying to manage IRL stuff. But now we're back! So here's my latest update! ---- Outfit of the Day: Gothic inspired! (best I can do with my limited inventory)

--- Style Savvy Journal - Trendsetters Entry 04 I just unlocked the network features!

It seems very cool, you can set up your own online shop, and buy/sell to other players! I'm playing on an emulator, but I hope to try this at least once on real hardware before 3ds online servers shutdown. I've also managed to make more progress in the main game, I've gotten the first "What shop should you open next" thing:

And decided to go with 'Raven Candle', My avatar (and myself) don't generally subscribe to the goth look personally. but I do love the look of the style, and I often incorporate elements of it into my own bold/rock looks. Also, wow these people ask for VERY SPECIFIC Things:

A customer came in looking for a feminine style fashion jacket, So I picked out a jacket in the feminine style, only to find out, it was from the wrong sub-category. I honestly did not know 'Fashion Jackets' were even a thing, but if nothing else, it got me to figure out how to use the 'subcategory' search feature. It just feels a little limiting, as sometime they'll ask for a t-shirt, but you'll find a different inner style that looks wayy better, but they'll still turn it down.

This game also seems to have a lot more "guess my style" requests, and I am TERRIBLE at these, in fashion forward, it was less of an issue, as only the main story characters would care about that, so I'd just memorize it. The one above is easy, but I've lost quite few customers due to bad guesses. (I really should have done 'take a look', but I'm generally fairly confident in my super wrong guesses! XD

----

I don't want to be too negative on this game, I'm still having fun, and it did still proceed fashion forward, and it's interesting to already see some advantages to 'Trendsetters' over 'Fashion Forward'. For one, it's much easier to track progression, in FF new unlocks and story events felt random. But here there's a visual indicator to show how close you are to the next change.

Doing various actives, (making sales, drinking at cafe, restocking) nets you moon juice a resource that goes into the moon each night, once the moon is full, new events are normally unlocked. Also, unlike Fashion Forward this is no Real-time clock to worry about, so you don't have a wait a real world day for restocking. Instead in-game actions advance time. This game also has men's fashion (have not unlocked it yet) and also perfume as a customization option. (no idea what it does

---- Since you made it to the end, I just wanted to know, does anyone actually read the text in these posts? (even a simple comment 'yes' would let me know. I'm not sure if people are more here just for the photos, or actually are interested in reading a Style Savvy Journal.

[Next Post]

[yandere-kittee]

Derrick Cohen (Yandere Playboy x Gn! Reader)

Contains: Isolation, Manipulation.

Derrick is rumored to have been in bed with the entire female population in the school, but what they don't know is that he's only ever dated one girl and only lead girls on because he doesn't seem to be in love with them at all.

Sure, he's pretty and all that but what else? They don't know him that well and neither does he, so why would he bed or be in a relationship with someone he barely knows?

He'd only be in a serious relationship if he knows that he can trust them and they can trust him. (Yes, I am implying he's demi romantic and demi sexual)

He can be flirty but he too knows his limits and boundaries, he's a playboy, not a home wrecking piece of shit.

He doesn't get attached to those he flirts with.

Though, you we're different.

You treated him normally and barely glanced his way despite his good looks and popularity, you two had been assigned to do this thesis statement and you two swapped numbers to have contact with each other outside shared classes.

You didn't try shooting your shot even though you could have the chance of getting close to him and maybe going on a few dates or something like that, but no.

You focused on your thesis statement, even helping him with areas he couldn't quite grasp or fully understand, you didn't belittle for it, at all.

Maybe cause you really wanted to focus on your studies and think that you'll focus on love when you got your while life together, but that's just the author talking.

He wanted to get closer to you since he genuinely wanted to be friends with you, who knew.

Who knee he'd actually fall in love with you, someone who didn't seem to have that much pressence.

He really wanted to get to know you but you had the biggest trust issues, it was hard letting your guard down on someone whose rumored to have been in bed with the whole female population of the school.

But that was it.

They we're just baseless rumors, so who we're you to judge? So you let your walls down a bit and gave him a chance, ACL chance for the two of you to get to know each other.

It was at first, weird, since he was so eager to get to know you, asking you so much questions that you couldn't be able or didn't want to answer some of them, he was very enthusiastic.

But you could guess that was apart of his charm, he looked better when he smiled, you also like it that he has two dimples on his cheeks when he smiles.

He was a bit clingy at times and would appear out of no where but you truly enjoyed his company, though it slowly became overbearing when he'd accompany you everywhere, not just at school but outside as well.

If you we're going to go out, he'd ask if he could tag along, if not outside then inside your own home, you had a little grooming kit in your room that had some of his clothes, self care items and a few stuff from his previous visits.

He's rarely seen hanging around with his usual group of girls and is now always seen next to you, he's willing to give away his play boy lifestyle for you to stay by his side.

Since you hardly interacted with other students, it was easy to isolate you from the rest and keep you all to himself, telling you how other students gossip about you behind your back, insulting you and overall saying how you're just clinging onto Derrick and don't know your place that well.

Buy don't worry, all you need is him and no on else♡

,★⌒ヽ(●＾､＾●)Kiss!

I hope you enjoy this one, I'm a bit sleepy and definitely need to sleep early cause I gotta wake up early but I got motivation back (Did I? I don't know...)

Picrew link (I lost the link, so if anyone knows it and has it please let me know so I can properly credit the artist.)

[minevn]

(I'm sorry for the mistakes) (silly) *left a note for all my clothes thieves* “Please don't steal my clothes! I’m not rich and I can’t buy new clothes every time!!!”

Minato: Doesn't steal your clothes but is shocked when you invite him over and he sees the note. "You...have people stealing your clothes?" He looks at you, mortified, shocked that stuff like that actually happens and it's happening to you. Offers to stay watch if you want him to.

Haruto: Doesn't steal your clothes, but you two probably share clothes if your clothes fit him, he also gives you his clothes often. Is also surprised when he sees the note, honestly, a bit upset he hadn't thought of doing that himself but also gets upset at himself for thinking that. "I'll buy you new clothes, how does that sound?"

Jun: Has definitely stolen your clothes, especially now that she's back in town and so close to you. Feels bad when she sees the note and returns your stolen clothes back to you, washed of course. She'll also buy you some new clothes and takes one article of clothing, she needs your smell y'know? She'll make sure to wash and return it when your scent is gone.

Hoshi: Hasn't stolen your clothes, but has definitely thought about it. Laughs so hard he falls to the floor when he reads the note you left. "People are ACTUALLY stealing your clothes?!?" Despite laughing, when he thinks about it, it ticks him off. If any one is going to be stealing your clothes, it should be HIM! He's the one dating you! "I'm buying you new clothes and getting you a safe to store them in. That, or you could come live with me and I'll beat the shit outta anyone who comes by to steal 'em"

Habiki: Hasn't thought about stealing your clothes so he hasn't done it. Doesn't notice the note until later in his visit. "Is... Is that a joke?" He points to the paper, looking disgusted. Why would anyone steal worn clothes?? After confirming it's not a joke, Habiki just sighs. "Lets get you some new clothes. Don't worry 'bout paying me back." He doesn't steal your clothes, but he tries to find the appeal about stealing worn clothes. He understands when all he smells is you. Still, you two are dating and he can smell you anytime he wants to.

Kage: He's solen your clothes so many times. He feels bad when he sees the note when he's about to steal some more clothes. He sighs and drops his plans of stealing your clothes. He heads back home and finally does the laundry, it's mostly your clothes. He'll return them back to you when he's done washing and drying them. He'll take a little something as a reward for giving you back your clothes.

Kei: He's stolen one thing of yours(your heart jk) and that's a shirt that you go to sleep in. He only ever steals that shirt. Once the scent is gone, he washes it and returns it back to you, waiting for you to wear it and get your scent all over it again. When he sees the note, he knows he's included, but definitely not the only one. Next time he goes to steal that shirt, he buys you a new shirt to wear every time and leaves you some(a lot of) money.

Yani: The main culprit honestly. He'll go to steal another article of clothing and see the note. It doesn't stop him from stealing your clothes. But the next day he returns with all your clothes that went missing months ago, but he didn't even wash them. You ask how he got your clothes, not wanting to expect the worst, but he just flat out tells you it was him before going over to you laundry basket, picking up a shirt and smelling it while telling you she likes your scent. Will ask you if you know how to turn your scent into a perfume that way Yani doesn't have to steal your clothes anymore. Still, he feels bad so he'll take you shopping, letting you know that he'll be stealing these as well after you've worn them, but at least you have all your other clothes back and Yani will start returning them to you, unwashed however.

Aki: Chokes as soon as she sees the note. Thinks it's a joke but quickly turns disgusted when she finds out it's not a joke. "That's serious, buddy. Call the police??? For now, lets get you some new clothes, don't even worry about paying me back." is so disgusted by the idea of others stealing your clothes that she stays over for a month and doesn't sleep at night, just stares at the window.

[snufflepup]

Yeah! From what I've seen of his game play on the cn server (about 4 updates ahead of mine [global server] because the global release was about 5 months after the cn release), he's super meta^^. Yeah honestly I wish I could go back in time and just stop her from breaking up with me cause I mean I loved her like death. Still do, but I'm trying so hard to move on cause atp I can see she lied when she said she'd love me forever and never break up. Yeah it's a white sugar stick and you lick it and dip it in green powder that turns blue^^ it tastes tart and like blue rasberry^^. I don't like suckers much cause they make my mouth feel wierd, but i love cherry suckers a lot. What are moams? Like marshmallows or something? Oh I liked once upon a time! Idk anyone my age who's seen it too lol. I watched it off my mom's DVDs up to season 5 I think. Sucks you can't really watch it. I'll start watching it tonight if I have time^^ I'll probably watch it with my sister cause she likes watching stuff with me^^. I can get that, I was like that with My hero academia before I fell out of love with the series. It was my first anime, so maybe I would have liked it more if I didn't hear so much hate for it lol. Konosuba is a comedy issekai, it's pretty funny and the mc is cool too^^. Hes hot and pretty funny and stupid. That sounds hillarious, im for sure watching it^^. I'm glad you like something so much^^ It's okay, sorry for being a bit of a bother about it -_-', I mean my asks are long lol. my days been okay, apart from trying to still work things out with my bitch of an ex. How's yours been? You said in my other asks tags that it wasn't the best lol. Do you not like cussing or something? Cute^^

-ike<3

That's cool then !!! ^–^ That's fair, I would probably feel the same if it haooened to me ! ooo ! I see ! I think there are similar things here !! It sounds good ! They are sort of like, chew-y things that come in a couple of different shapes ! A thin slab like shape, balls that have a harder shell, long rectangular sticks and little cubed packets that have a couple squares of them !! They come in a couple different flavours, but I think the sour ones are the ones I like the best ! I only tried them last halloween I think and since then I've always looked for them ! but there are always only like three of them if you buy the packet (◞ ‸ ◟' ' ) but the others are still good ! They are a similar texture to starbursts, if you know that ! They are pretty common where I am !! I watched it a lot when I waa youbger, but I stopped being uo to date with it for a while ! but I decided to watch everything but then . it happened . and then I just . can't do it . Maybe if I wasn't watching it by myself I could, or if someone wanted me too, but I get all . fjdhkfd /neg by myself ! Fairy Tail was my first anime, that I knew was an anime, at least ! I liked ponyo and stuff when I was younger ! Seeing all the dislike about it didn't make me dislike it, it just made me not really like a lot of people . It made me really sad epecially because a lot of the criticisms didn't actually . make sense, or at least then I didn't think so ! Like how people don't like the power of friendship stuff, to me it makes sense because of course they're emotional and their magic is fueled by emotions !! but I can understand more now, back then it confused me to no end ! Even if everyone dislikes it, I still like it a lot and I don't think that will ever change lol It's okay ! Don't worry, you weren't !!! I also used to be super into mha too ! I actually saved half of class 1-A's birthdays on my phone, only have because I . gave up halfway though, and still sometimes get alerts on my phone for them ! oooh !! cool !!! Is the water girl from that ? I saw a lot of her a couple years ago. . . aqua ? I'm . not sure . but I have been meaning to watch it, I think ! If it is a isekai then it is probably on one of my lists somewhere . I got really really into isekai animes a couple of months ago, more so the villainess ones but !

I'm glad your day has been alright, apart from that I mean ! Mine has been pretty good !! ( ≧ᗜ≦) nono I meant like . I have had a day were I am bad with words ! I don't know if that makes sense, but I can be a little . weird like that sometimes, like words are just . difficult to use !! I get bad hearing days too. . . I'm not really . sure why sometimes it just happens ! I can swear a lot sometimes, to be honest . I think my most said word for a while was shit

[welldonebeca]

screamer (2)

Summary: Sansa finds a little (Just some mindless Dom!Sansa x Sub!Jon porn.) WC: 1.1k words Warnings:  Sex talk.

masterlist

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Sansa tilted her head at the latex suit, unsure for a moment.

Should she get a larger side?

She was pretty tall.

Well, not too tall. Kinda tall.

Tall enough that some pants were short on her legs.

And did Jon like black on her? He did like it on himself, but... on her?

Did they have more options than just black and red?

She had googled a lot of things since talking to Jon, and bothered him a little bit with an endless amount of 'do you like this?' questions.

But she hadn't asked him about latex.

Maybe she should get a black dress instead of the suit. So she wouldn't worry about her legs.

Maybe...

Well, Jon liked her softness. Could she be soft wearing that?

Sansa liked having him being mean to her, but Jon was different. He liked a soft dom, sweet touches and cuddles and praises.

She had seen a video of Ygritte with a guy blindfolded, and she wasn't that soft. But she was good.

Really fucking good.

It was what had made her move, seeing her.

The idea of Jon tied with his hands back, begging her for an orgasm while she edged him...

Gods, it was the hottest thing she ever imagined that week, and it just didn't leave her mind at all.

So she got little things for him.

They had gone to that sex shop before, but this was her first time alone, and the first time she stepped there looking for things that were specifically for him.

"Hey," Ros walked to her side. "Can I help you? You look kinda lost."

She turned to her, grateful for a familiar face.

She was the owner, there was nothing Ros didn't know.

"I need stuff," she told her.

The shop owner raised her eyebrows to her.

"I do think you would," Ros noted. "Or wouldn't be in a shop."

That made her face flush.

"Is it for you or for pouty, dark and handsome?" she asked, a bit more playful.

Sansa chuckled.

"It's for my partner," she confirmed. "I want to... well... do a little something, you know?"

Ros hummed a bit.

"Blindfold?" she offered. "Some satin to tie his hands..."

"Yeah," she raised her basket with the second option. "And... hm... trying to pick the suit or the dress."

There was a hum by her side, and Ros pulled the black latex dress from the shelf, checking the size and giving it to her.

"Try it at home, come back if it's not your size," she told her. "Let your hair all down, put some dark makeup and lipstick... it's gonna go a long way."

She nodded along with the instructions.

"And high heels!" Ros added quickly. "He looks like one who'd love to see you in high heels."

It made her flush a little bit.

He did, yeah.

Ros grabbed a fleshlight, and a box with a rubber ring in it.

"You attach this to the top of your vibrator," she told him. "And you know the rest of it."

Oh?! She didn't know that was possible!

She stopped and checked her basket as Sansa waited.

"Start slow," Ros told her. "It's enough. You don't need a lot, just the right energy."

She nodded slowly. Okay.

The right energy.

She could do that.

"How is he in bed usually?" Ros asked as she walked her to the register.

And with anyone else, she would be embarrassed to talk about it, but Ros?

Ros was different. It was like she could tell her anything.

"He likes praise," she told her. "A lot, actually. Even when he is being mean."

"And you love him being mean," Ros noted.

Sansa flushed, giggling a little.

"Yeah," she confessed. "He lovs hearing me beg for it. For everything."

She squinted.

"And he is a switch, I presume?" Ros asked.

Sansa nodded, and her store owner friend walked behind her counter.

"Mommy kink?" she asked, setting up her computer.

Well... he hadn't said anything affirmative when she asked him about it, but his face did light up.

"Maybe?" she asked. "I'm not sure."

"I am," Ros took the basket. "Well... half-sure. Either mommy or mistress. You should edge him, it'll make it spill from his lips really quick."

Sansa smiled.

"It's what I'm doing!" she told her.

Ros grinned largely.

"Good. If you want to be mean, then you set yourself a goal number and don't tell him. Give him a break when he makes it halfway," she instructed her. "All the meta talk, food water, cuddles... praise him to oblivion, too, I think it'll keep him on edge."

Sansa nodded along. Okay, yes, that sounded good.

"When he meets the goal, ruin his orgasm," she continued. "And then go back into stimulating him. It'll make him scream."

Scream.

That was her goal, yes.

"Of course, if he is into that," Ros added. "Not everyone is a fan of that."

Sansa nodded.

She had asked him about that, and he wasn't against it.

And they had their safewords, too.

"Keep yourself firm," she told her. "But don't push yourself out of your limits, it's supposed to be something you both enjoy. Sometimes the simplest things are the best experiences."

That was sweet, but Sansa hesitated anyway, still worried.

"I don't know," she pulled her card from her wallet. "It's my first time. I might at it."

Ros shook her head.

"Trust me, I think you'll be just fine," she assured her. "You've seen him do it plenty of times, you have the blueprint. Give it your spin, keep communication open, and it'll be a great new experience."

She left with that in mind, driving back home.

It was the weekend, and Jon was grocery shopping. She needed to be quick.

So she put the dress on quickly, and if it didn't fit, then she would have to stale him while she got a different size.

It looked perfect.

She checked her phone, knowing he was going to text her when he got into the car, and exhaled in relief. No text. Good.

Sansa organised the room before running to the shower and cleaning herself thoroughly, smothering herself in her lotion and putting on his favourite perfume before her phone vibrated.

Jon was on his way.

She ran back to the room and put on a little bit of makeup and straightened her hair to make it look nice and shiny and slick, and put on the red lipstick that made Jon's face pink whenever she wore it.

"Sansa?" he called from the door. "I'm home."

She opened their bedroom door the littlest bit, looking at him through the crack.

"Can you put the groceries away first, please?" she asked. "I'm busy."

He stopped by the kitchen.

"Good busy?" Jon asked.

"Yeah," she told him. "Just... not gonna remember to put the ice cream in the fridge if you see it first."

There was silence on the other side for a moment.

"Okay," he agreed.

…

“screamer” was posted on Patreon on April. To read it now before anyone else, subscribe to my page! It’s just $2 a month and I post six times a week.

[forgottenluck]

So, life update here.

I know i've posted a few of these recently, but life's kind of got me in a choke hold at the moment and I've had little time nor energy to be on tumblr.

Because lets face it, tumblr is very energy consuming. There's always some sort of drama going on in some corner, or the devs have decided to push another update....something's always going on, and it takes quite a bit of energy to push through and get things done.

That being said, things....are calming down for me a bit. (medical stuff under cut, as well as the rest of what i want to say.)

Mom has finally stabilized enough to where she's out of the ICU. The doctors still refuse to tell me how bad of a stroke she had, but from what I can see? It was pretty bad. She can barely talk, barely lift her hands. She has to have assistance for the most part eating. (not swallowing though, she's got a hell of a swallow reflex which is good.) Her memory is absolutely shot. I've come up to visit her every day i'm off, and she still asks me when she's going home. She doesn't remember me coming any other time.

As bad as it sounds, I'm glad this happened when it did. It puts further emphasis on the fact that I cannot take care of her by myself, which makes it more likely that insurance will pay for her to stay at a nursing facility. I'm not saying that I don't appreciate her, that i'm glad she's in the hospital....because I love her to death and want her to stay around for as long as she can. But I have reached the end of what I can do for her, had for a long time now...but was lieing to myself. I was destroying myself to care for her.

With her stabalizing, i've found myself with a bit more free time. Mosst of this right now is being spent unpacking and organizing. My whole life is in boxes and totes and it's....hard. A little bit every day. I finally have a desk set up and a few of my shelves for books up. my dresser is in the right place....I've got some more things to move out of the living room, but things are slowly coming together. Me and my roommate are getting together and buying the things we know we're going to need.

I've had to replace almost all my bedding, replace all the cookware...I've washed my clothes at least 5 times. it's been hard, and rough.

The other thing i'm trying to focus on is my...personal health. I'm trying to find a skin care routine for myself. Hair care. Body care. I've joined PlanetFitness to try and loose some weight. (i'm only 5'2" and almost 180lbs. i'm afraid if i don't start now, i'll hit that 200 mark) I've never really been able to actually care for myself, always been focused on mom, and her care that i've exhausted myself on my own.

I think the thing that will be the hardest to overcome....is the fact that I don't actually have to care for her anymore. I don't have to have her in the back of my mind; i can't stay out later than a couple of hours, I have to get home to get her food, i can't do anything without asking her first.....all of that doesn't exist anymore. I can stay out as long as I want. I only have to worry about myself for food and groceries. I don't have to ask anyone if i can even leave the house/apartment. It hit me today while me and my roommate were out at PlanetFitness, just how free I was.

And just how sad it was that I was just now getting to be free. I'm going to be 31 in september.....and all my life pretty much has been spent careing for her. My formative years? High school, college? All focused on her. I'm only just now experiencing what a fresh college student gets to experience once they leave home.

There's a lot that i have to figure out.....with myself, with my life. Where I'm going from this point. But one thing I know, is that i'm not leaving tumblr any time soon. While it may take me some time, and I may only have muse for specific things, specific people.....i'm not going anywhere.

Tumblr has gotten me through the roughest parts of my life. There's no way i'm abandoning it any time soon. I just...might take some time to cycle back around and get back to work. I just want to give updates on what's going on. Not many people may care, but someone might. And maybe, someone is going through something similar. A rough patch, a hard time. Might feel like the world is crashing down around them.

Take it from me; it gets better. It takes time. And sometimes, life just decides to hit you all at once. But it does get better. It took 15 years for it to get better for me. But it is getting better. Slowly, painstakingly slowly....but still, just a bit. Every day.

[statementlou]

I'm not gonna lie, Louis referring to his queer fans or the fact the he has them as "weird" would be pretty disheartening. one thing was to do that in 2014 around the great gay war, with so many indicators that they were actively fighting. another is to do this now, in 2023. and even a straight artist not for one second to consider his lyrics could resonate with queer fans regardless of larry would be a bit shitty. I'm just saying that whatever he says is gonna be VERY hard to believe he was forced to. And if he openly shits on Harry it's safe to say his career - as the chance of 1D ever reunite even for a quick photo - is over.

well I absolutely agree that he will not have been 'forced' to say anything that he says in this movie. And I hear where you are coming from, but I just think the catastrophizing is unnecessary. First of all, we have ONE (1) almost certainly made up and definitely purposefully shit stirring anon (and a slow news day) to thank for all this discourse, we have no idea yet what will be in the movie, and it is always weird to me that people are so ready to believe the worst when I, personally, feel like Louis always comes through for me and gives me the BEST. Have FAITH in LOUIS!! WHEN does he let us down like literally WHEN???? (Unless all you care about is him coming out/ ending it/ confirming larry, in which case, IDK, get your priorities right and appreciate what's in front of you? Cause those things are not happening.) But anyway...

I can completely imagine a scenario in which Louis says he thinks it's weird that so many queers feel inspired by him and it makes me want to hug him forever- because I think he does find it weird and remarkable. It makes me think of that one 1D days receipt where someone said they met him on the street and told him he inspired them as a gay and he was like "I don't see how with the way things are but that means a lot." I think that was probably made up, but also it rings true to me, I feel like he does find it wild that with the public face of everything we still are here and love him so much and see what we do in him and think he's brave. As for the Harry thing, anything he says about him will be taken wrong and distorted and picked on by everyone, if he says anything at all less than "he's my husband and has never done anything wrong in his entire life he is perfect" people will say he's "shitting on Harry"; but that said, Louis is an intelligent media trained person, why are people seriously debating whether he's gonna get on screen and talk shit about Harry Styles?! also literally when in Louis' entire life has he ever said one single bad thing about Harry come on It's not fucking realistic and that alone should tell you that that anon either made all that up or it's just a really bad interpretation of whatever was actually said because the person, like everyone else around here, was so busy expecting the worst that they couldn't just chill and listen to Louis. Like, worst case scenario, let's say he does say that Harry was being offered some really incredible opportunities and he wanted to take them and Louis hadn't really thought about what he would do after the band and so when that happened he felt blindsided and adrift by suddenly not having his ever waking moment scheduled and accounted for (as Liam has also talked about experiencing), would that be so horrible??? That sounds like real life stuff and I don't personally think anyone is the bad guy there or it's horrible to say, but also I BET HE DOESN'T SAY THAT. IDK man, I just think we should all calm down and wait and see, but I'm REALLY not worried that the bombshell of this movie will be Louis coming out as being against Harry or talking shit about his fans, you know?! Come ON. I expect that with the premieres before the release we're going to get a whole lot more overwrought interpretations of things but I don't buy it; I look forward to hearing what Louis has to say and I will be real surprised if it isn't reasonable and interesting and probably mostly NOT THAT BIG A DEAL

[mooncaps]

Little me, sometime in the 90's: Hey, wouldn't it be funny if I dressed up as a girl for Halloween? No, not a character from anything. Just a girl. You know, 'cause girls are scary, right? With the cooties and whatever. I should get a dress...and some heels. Ahhh, that would be so fun.

And that was after the year that I went as Ariel from The Little Mermaid...and the year that I went as a witch.

I don't have conscious memories of those two costumes, but I can see the joy in my face and almost feel it in my heart looking at these pictures.

I do have some memories of the year I wanted to dress up as a girl.

I got the dress. I think it was one that a friend in the same apartment complex had grown out of. And I borrowed some heels that were too big for me. I forget if they were my mom's heels or my friend's mom's heels. I think there was a wig too. I tried out wearing the dress and heels at home. I can remember the excess space around my little feet making it hard to walk. But when Halloween got closer, if memory serves, I'm pretty sure I chickened out and went with a hastily assembled ninja costume.

I forget what exactly made me decide to switch. I can't recall anyone saying anything mean or anything like that. Maybe it was a mirco-messaging thing. Or maybe I just started getting more worried about what people would think of me as I got older...which has definitely been a trend I've noticed in my adult life. Maybe I was afraid of people seeing the sincere interest behind the joke, or afraid of facing that in myself. I really can't remember why I chickened out. Whatever the reason, any conscious memory of it is as lost to me as the rest of my childhood traumas.

I kept that dress though. Locked it up in a little suitcase, just to hang on to the memory of that time I wanted to dress up as a girl. Even after more than two decades, after moving six times, after throwing several sentimental things away, I kept that little suitcase and never forgot that dress was in there. (I did forget about adding some other things to the suitcase.) I don't think I ever told anyone I kept the dress. Just quietly locked it away along with the part of myself that wanted to wear it.

I'm not even sure if I was honest with myself about why I hung on to it, or why I wanted to wear it in the first place. If I ever was honest with myself, I eventually forgot about it. Somewhere along the way I picked up the concept that I could like girly stuff if I did it as a joke. I could play pretend, but not express sincere interest. As long as I wasn't sincerely interested then nobody would be upset or worried about it. It didn't take very long for me to buy my own cover story and forget my own sincerity.

Halloween had that special magic, that little bit of permission, when I was actually allowed to want to be something other than what I was supposed to be.

Anybody else have Halloween memories that make them question their gender identity?