#I'll try to make it better tonight

[bubbarnes]

“... we live in a world today where truth is challenged more and more and we must make an effort to protect it, none of us are above it.”

[byanyan]

okay!!! got a couple short replies to tiny starters crammed into my (still paused) queue... it's not much, but it's something. tomorrow i'll try to get a bit more done, maybe restart the queue, etc. etc., but. yeah. baby steps.

[butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway]

Local parent visits child and comments on the shyness of one of the cats in the household, child decides not to mention that said cat has literally never met a human she didn't try to climb like a cat tree while headbutting them for attention, more at 11

[brown-little-robin]

my last week, a visual demonstration

[callmebennett]

"Oh I, I just died in your arms tonight.

It must have been something you said."

[ourceliumnetwork]

Well, once again running into trauma my parents gave me (unfortunately it's most of it) because the Cat That Uncontrollably Eats Plants got in my room to eat the single plant that is in there and got a good chunk of leaf. now he's in Observation and I'm dealing with the actual adrenaline issues instead of the adrenaline dumps i was getting (apparently. learned about what those are today and that explains A LOT ACTUALLY.)

Turns out getting run over by the dog who is at minimum half your size when you're like 6 or 7 and then getting told it's your fault she got out and ran off when there was nothing you could have done to stop her even if you'd known she was going to do that, and being yelled at and told to chase her down on your own is a lot for a small child. The fact that I was on dog catcher duty even when it wasn't "my fault" they got out over the years ever since probably also didn't help.

(quotes on "my fault" to emphasize i'm trying to reframe this at least somewhat in my head as of Right The Fuck Now because this is unhealthy. this is an unhealthy way to live and it will not help any cats in times of crises if my first reaction is to immediately punish myself instead of getting help and also i'm allowed to get help even if I do mess up and it is my fault but this time it super isn't and neither were any of the other times because i wasn't negligent or unobservant i was a child and also the dogs were untrained and also Solaire the cat is a menace who will find plants you didn't even know you had to eat)

[scarletcomet]

I honestly really wish I had my ketamine today instead of last Friday and next Friday. I'm doing every other week, but I've been feeling really depressed the last few days

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! <333

[daughterofhecata]

Got my writing session yesterday cut short by a visual migraine that got to the point where I couldn't see the keyboard anymore, and now the damn thing is *back* and idk yet if I'll be able to write later -.-

[orcelito]

God I don't wanna go to therapy tomorrow. Sick of talking about my feelings in a clinical setting. I do enough psychoanalysis just by myself, and now I gotta sit through it with someone else??? Come on.

[groupwest]

Want to actually kill myself :-/

[byanyan]

ㅤbeen thinking today about how byan's anger can be really scary to witness... it's very... raw. anger is the emotion they feel the most intensely, and the one they filter the least. it's raw, it's heated, and it's very instinct-driven — they have very little control over it, and they're certainly not thinking before they do or say anything. impulses are followed, whether it's to lash out and cause harm to whatever has hurt them, or to throw or break whatever is within arm's reach just to release even a little bit of the energy that's overwhelming them. they don't know what else to do with it. literally no thoughts, all that their mind can focus on is the emotion; they just want to get it out and stop feeling this way (and/or ensure the person who's pissed them off gets what they deserve) and they'll do whatever it takes to ensure that. i think that lack of control really shows too, like it's palpable in the air and adds an extra layer of discomfort and uncertainty if you're in the same room as them. concern for one's own safety is valid in such a scenario too tbh, because they have hurt people in the past who they never would have caused harm to normally (both directly and indirectly; sometimes by their own hand, other times as an unintended consequence of them throwing/breaking something). it's not something they're proud of, but they also just... don't know what to do about it. ...they're honestly afraid of their own anger, at times. afraid of what they're capable of and what they might one day do.

[sschmendrick]

Gotta write a production report for two songs we recorded and I'm gonna have to do at least a third of it for a group of 6 after having done about half of the recording and editing work for one of these two projects...all that cause I still haven't found an internship so I can't just say : do it without me.

It's a little exhausting. I know they will work if I really push them but they'll do it super late and I'll have to revise it when I get back home from the small concert I've allowed myself to go instead of my portuguese lesson (brazilian artist so it's all good my teacher said, I still feel bad) and I'll have to run around tomorrow morning to print it and I'll assume the cost again.

It's...yeah it's exhausting. And my thesis is so far behind, and I still have no internship. I wanna keep strong but man that diploma is slipping away from me. I'm not even sure I have good enough grades at my exams now !

[cookinguptales]

*reading an email from my dear friend Jonathan*

Hey, that paprika hendl stuff sounds pretty good! Maybe I'll make it for dinner!

[izzy-b-hands]

Trying to make my brain do anything today has just been case after case of 'well, half-assed is better than nothing I guess.'

[heavenknowsffs]

Saying "meals under $5" that have a thousand ingredients that you only use a tiny bit of, to me, is like saying "if you have all of these in your house already it's free"