#yeah ok the anxiety is back | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sschmendrick · 4 months

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Gotta write a production report for two songs we recorded and I'm gonna have to do at least a third of it for a group of 6 after having done about half of the recording and editing work for one of these two projects...all that cause I still haven't found an internship so I can't just say : do it without me.

It's a little exhausting. I know they will work if I really push them but they'll do it super late and I'll have to revise it when I get back home from the small concert I've allowed myself to go instead of my portuguese lesson (brazilian artist so it's all good my teacher said, I still feel bad) and I'll have to run around tomorrow morning to print it and I'll assume the cost again.

It's...yeah it's exhausting. And my thesis is so far behind, and I still have no internship. I wanna keep strong but man that diploma is slipping away from me. I'm not even sure I have good enough grades at my exams now !

#yeah ok the anxiety is back #I have meds that are over the counter so like not great stuff but I'll just chug that down and hope it does something #plus I'm super stressed cause some of them are coming to a small party at my place (for once that I'm alone without my brother there)#and I was talkign with one of them (the closer one) about maybe coming out to them and he said yeah if you want :)#but now one of them is bringing his girlfriend and I am noooot doing that but also my place is a very intimate space for me #I so rarely invite people over because of that #I should stop drinking coffee it might be helping #my head is killing me #I'm so close to giving up on my studies all together and reimburse my mom #but I don't want to !! the people that inspire me the people i look up to the people i want to be like fought for it and never gave up #I'm not even sure I'm made for these studies. I have no ambition I just want to make people happy with music but the kind I love doesn't #really require me ? cause it's mostly small concerts with acoustics instruments #maybe I should have gone into idk social work but I'm pretty sure I would be way too anxious for it same reason i can't be a therapist #and the situation at home isn't much better rn #I really need to breath rn or I'm gonna be out of commission for so long that it will be even more stressful to do the reports at midnight #I'm gonna chicken out tonight as well and just stand there and listen and not talk to the artist afterwards and try to use the portuguese #I've learned nooo I'm just gonna default to english or french

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gobstoppr · 4 months

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Tetris Fanart.

I've been playing tetris while listening to horror podcasts. and yeah

#text #art #eyestrain #cw eystrain #bright colors #cw bright colors #tetris #nintendo #god i dont know what to tag this with. i dont wanna tag it with the podcasts themselves cuz that feels disingenuous. swagever #i actually started this piece a while ago. ok yeah looking at the date that was almost 3 weeks ago wow #but i finally decided to bring it back and finish it #ive been getting back into digital art and its been really nice. its nice having finished pieces.#ive been trying to get weirder with my art. like this piece was weirdly 'personal' in a sense #its been my unique experience listening to these pieces of media. the game in the bg is jsut as important to my experience as the art itsel #the looming sense of dread these podcasts give fit weirdly well with the high tension of some of these games of tetris #i wanted to have that sorta weird ominous vibe to it. have even the pieces feel loud and threatening.#and the gameplay being Past the ds itself is something i thought could be neat #ykno the tetris effect? where you play a bunch and then after you see the shapes everywhere;you play it in your mind?#that was part of what i wanted to channel there. but also like; how your attention works with this stuff #i might be looking straight at the ds but my attention is elsewhere; my brain is in another world #the game is still inescapable tho. tetris effect whatever. these stories stick in my brain just as much.#its all given me some. very very annoyingn anxiety. but i have to go back to them. like a moth to a flame etc. hince the moth climbing out #but uh yeah. that set up was my life for a few weeks whenever i had free time.#the main podcast this is about was magnus btw <- not typing full name so im not on the tag #and uh.#objectum #yeah i think. i think yeah.

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gorelesbian · 4 months

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new jobs be like do not worry queen we will train you thoroughly until you're confident and calm at the job. btw you're working alone tomorrow and there is no one available for you to call if you need help and i also refuse to check whether you even have access to the system. good luck :3

#i think my anxiety just got uncured. my years of therapy undone. i'm shaking #i texted my boss asking whether she knows if i have access to the system like i requested last week because i need it for my first alone-#shift tomorrow morning and she says 'ill get back to you about that tomorrow afternoon'#too tired to even argue with that. ok queen yes do check it tomorrow about 7 hours after i need the information yeah that works #kim.txt

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overdevelopedglasses · 3 months

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Sunday six time yayyyyy! and... I actually have RGG stuff to share??? what is this???? I cooked for a second and I think I *finally* have the missing piece for a fic that's been in my WIP document for so long. Maybe I can edit it soon? Perhaps?

Anyway I got tagged by @four-white-trees @jichanxo and @phantasy14. Tagging the usual @mike----wazowski @passthroughtime @woundedheartwithin @fire-tempers-steel @skysquid22

“There’s this person… I’ve known them for a long time. You see, I’ve only just realized how important they are to me,” he fidgets with a bracelet on his right hand, “I’m not sure if it’s love. Fuck, I’m not sure what it is. But, I know I can’t have a future without them. I have to abandon this way of life for that future to even exist. It’s hard, and I’m risking my life to do so, but I know I can do it, because I know what my purpose is now.”

He looks up at Yagami, and Yagami sees a hidden determination within them.

“All I want to do is protect them.”

Yagami looks over his shoulder, and sees Kaito smile at Shinumi. A warm feeling envelops him as he darts his eyes to the ground.

“I think I understand,” he says in a low voice.

#sunday six #not gonna tag the chars/franchise rn since this is like. first draft BS #but! me when I can make parallels :miku:#also the “he” is a fourth character that's a minor one in the fic but. yeah making that distinction here #the hope is that I can finish this fic and have it out by my annivesary of beating judgment (it's in...6 days?)#but considering i'm a bundle of anxiety rn (potential internship interview tomorrow that i'm keeping from my parents for multiple reasons.#most having to do with constantly hearing “have you heard back yet???” 75 times a day. so. not telling them unless i'm accepted.)#and I get to finish abyss in like a few minutes yippee!!! IW soon!!!#but either way! hopefully the fic can get done. that'd be cool.#ok bye it's abyss time i'm gonna go kick [final boss name redacted] in the nuts

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skrs-cats · 1 year

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have you read the lion blaze self harm scene? kinda sh ig he basically lets …ratscar i think like scratch him up bad by holding his powers back. interesting to me what’re ur thoughts? (idk if that’s the right definition, i’ve always defined it as having someone/yourself injure your body with the intent to hurt) sorry if this is a downer, i just know your a lion blaze enthusiast and wanted to know your thoughts

ohhh yes i do actually. its one of the few scenes i remember better bc i actually own the book where it happened.

to elaborate on the scene more, it happens after he has an argument with cinderheart, who claims they shouldnt be together since he's part of the prophecy, how his destiny is to save the clans (and coincidentally not get hurt) and them being mates would only be distractions

lion's rebuttal? instigate a fight w a patrol near the shadowclan border, disallow himself to fight back, and force the wounds to get inflicted on his body, as a show that he CAN choose to get hurt. that he CAN choose what kind of 'destiny' he should have. ive put my own thoughts about it under read more bc this got long (unsurprisingly jkhasdkjfhd)

i spent like a solid few minutes re-reading the chapter to gather my thoughts on it LOL i remember not thinking much about it when i was a kid, but i think its interesting to analyze now!

what was attempted to be written, at least, piques me bc its about lion trying to prove that they can exist outside of the narrative the prophecy has given them. which is funnily ironic, since the start of the chapter is of him having self doubts regarding saving the clans when they found out theres a fourth cat, how that basically means that the three of them wouldnt be enough, how his destiny might have changed. reading this chapter just gave me a new can of brainworms but ill try not to delve into it too much bc its gonna get way messier LMAOOO

to go back to lion purposely getting himself hurt, i dont think he's the type of person who would do that for the sake of it, unless as a really dumb way to prove a point. but it makes me think he really doesnt have much of a care of whether he'd get hurt or not. a severe lack of self-preservation, and all that. cats back at camp react to his wounds w all around shock, he's herded into the med den all the while he acts like he'll be fine. i dunno if the shock from the cats is just bc theyre just so used to seeing him NOT hurt, or if his wounds were really that bad. but either or both still pretty much gives me a lot to think about. homeboy doesnt know the limits of his body, and that makes for interesting scenarios of how he manages to deal w that after losing his powers

#but afterward getting hurt on purpose #no ones really happy about it moreover cinderheart #firestar even yells at him about how he should have not let it happen #how he SHOULD win every battle bc thats his destiny #which WOW. ok i forgor about that #kinda messed up how that implies that the prophecy mattered more than lions own physical well-being #its. really interesting just reading these chapters again #even moreso at the last bit of it where jay cant even get mad at him #how he voices his own self doubts. switching back to lion's at the start. where the prophecy may not mean they are more powerful #but are only starclans last desperate hope #and what the hell are you supposed to feel when the lives of these cats suddenly start to weigh on your conscience. clanmates and enemy ali #reading it over.... yeah i really wish they could have expanded on this anxiety more #ask #i love rambling way too much im so sorry TOT

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kayvsworld · 1 year

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i always forget i have Healthcare System Anxiety until i have to interact with The Healthcare System and immediately just start screaming internally for days

#my mom obliterated her bones and the pre-surgery surgery post-surgery experience. the ER situation. moving 2 the woods #this is a vent post i forget my complaining tag #waited 30 mins for an ambulance & when we called back they were like ''yeah it hasnt been assigned to anyone & might be hours''#so i drove her to the ER with a migraine & ran over some pylons (cool).#stuck in the ER for 9 hours. took 4 hours for anyone to give her any kind of pain management. i caught covid #was supposed to get a call when she was out of her 2 hrs max surgery. was told i could call if i hadn't heard anything #5 hours later i called and was transferred 6 times - told she had been discharged - told she had never been registered at that hospital -#yelled at by a nurse for asking for patient information - eventually got the right department and was told oh yeah sorry she's in recovery #was supposed to find out if she could come home or not in 30 mins. 3 hours later theyre like OK come get her #i show up and the doors to that wing are. locked? and no one's there to unlock them?#apparently i was supposed to pick up the wall phone? and call a code they hadn't given me? spent 30 mins getting help from other department #to GET THEM TO OPEN THE DOORS. FREE HER RELEASE HER #finally i get in and she's OK SHES FINE except morphine doesn't work on her so that's. fine. bodies are good to have #we have reached shrimp colours levels of anxiety i am a walking talking stress migraine but she's doing ok. but holy fuck #kayvswords #also like she's black and all of her nurses and doctors have been white so feeling normal about all of it all around

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asparklethatisblue · 1 year

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kinda cute to be raised on “only your family will truly love and support you, and they will show their love via money. Physical and emotional abuse means nothing because at least you will never want for anything!”

and then have your parents randomly and smugly tell you to never ask them for anything ever cause you have a job

#i asked for the equivalent of a Christmas present which I didn’t get last year fyi #and now they keep reminding me to not expect anything from them #and the thing is? I don’t NEED anything #but what about emotional support cause my rent is increasing? I just want to be told it’ll be ok I don’t want money #but i can’t even bring up money anxiety cause they WILL be cruel about it #or tell me to move back home which yeah ok I’d live there for free but I’d also kill myself so haha #anyway when you were taught to measure parental love via money…#Not to MENTION that we were poor when I was little and my baby brother gets??? So many fucking expensive toys now??

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bunnihearted · 7 months

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📓🖊️