#let alone at this intensity
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Got my writing session yesterday cut short by a visual migraine that got to the point where I couldn't see the keyboard anymore, and now the damn thing is *back* and idk yet if I'll be able to write later -.-
#and i can't very well keep chugging coffee at this time of day to make it go away#there's still some coke in the fridge that i'll try in a sec (although it's probably flat as well by now)#but i'm in suuuuch a mood to start the rbei!bob prompt fill for january...#this is mean. i usually *never* get this shit two days in a row#let alone at this intensity#...i'm pretty much blind rn. at least on the left eye the right is a bit better.#i can deal with a headache but this static shit in front of my eyes is *really* annoying#kaj rambles#to delete later#if anyone knows any home remedies i'd love to hear about it because my only one is caffeine and i would like to be able to sleep tonight
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something happening on a mission, something personal that has soap spiralling; panic and rage making him reckless, thoughtless, and ghost has to draw the line
“you’re compromised johnny; you know what that means?”
“you’re not pulling me out,” soap immediately snarls. he turns on him and ghost barely recognises him; venomous fear turning his eyes to unyielding ice. "you're not sidelining me; i need to be in this-!"
but ghost has never been afraid of venom; spat or dripped straight from bared fangs.
he snakes out a hand grip the back of his neck, jerking him in a rough shake. "if you can't think, you can't be a soldier," he growls and he flinches like he's been struck.
his lips quiver as they twist in a sneer and he wrenches, trying to free himself of his hold.
ghost doesn't let him.
"it means you give your body to me because your head ain't fucking attached to it anymore."
soap stills, body trembling beneath his hand as he sucks in shaking breaths.
he tightens his grip, pulling him closer and digs his forehead hard into his. “it means you give yourself to me so i can have the weapon that you are and use you the way you're meant to be used."
the ice in soap's eyes fractures.
ghost’s voice drops to a whisper, spoken only to johnny, not this facade of vengeance and pain, and wills it to reach him through the glaciers.
“so i can keep you safe ‘til it’s done and i can bring you back.”
#in my head its bc graves abducts his sister and is using her as hostage to draw him out knowing ghost will always follow him#but the intensity and intimacy of saying ‘you cant trust your mind not to betray you so let me be in charge of your body until you can’#after what happened to tommy he could never deny johnny his right to save his sister#but its bc of what happened to tommy that he knows he cant let him do it alone with only his rage to guide him#hes more likely to get himself killed and ghost wont live through that#so he has to balance it#and the only way he knows how is to completely shut down soap’s mind until hes no more than instinct and muscle memory#if he cant think practically then dont let him think at all#reduce him to a place where he can only follow orders#and when its finally over and his sister is safe and graves is dead#only then will he drag johnny back up to the surface#he’ll do it even if it means dragging him kicking and screaming back to humanity#instead of letting him sink in the depths where nothing hurts. theres no fear down there. no pain. only order#and thats the risk ghost took sending johnny to that place but he only did it bc he would stop at nothing to bring him back#and help him through the after#the breakdown. the rush of panic and rage and relief and anguish johnnys been supressing on his order#it was his word that turned johnny into a ghost#and its his touch that brings him back to the man#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#cod#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghost x soap#ghoap#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#john soap mactavish#soap cod#save post
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I know the decision to have Julian's parents have him augmented was made on the fly but imo its pretty obvious from early on that Julian has Family Issues because he avoids talking about his family like the plague and I think they should've incorporated this into the Julian and Sisko dynamic right from early on because I think it would've made for some really compelling stories and moments and could've set up a REALLY interesting Julian and Jake dynamic which they kinda started to do but never fully went for
#star trek: ds9#julian bashir#benjamin sisko#jake sisko#s1 Julian being so young and eager to prove himself and latching onto Sisko as this mentor figure to look up to#seeing Sisko with Jake and low-key seeking that fatherly figure connection which he won't even let himself think about#Sisko seeing this young brilliant doctor who's got all the makings to be something great and he's just GOTTA help him along#I think he would also catch on pretty quick that Julian's got Parental Issues#he tries to ask one day all casual like 'tell me about yourself :)' and Julian talks about nothing but Starfleet and med school#any attempts to ask about his family are met with awkward brief answers and redirections#and then theres the way Julian's eyes light up the first time Sisko invites him to watch a baseball game#like he Knows. he's a dad he Knows somethings up#but he doesnt pry#I also think it makes their dynamic more tragic towards the end of the series#where we have Sisko asking Julian to compromise his morals again and again#Julian's trust and respect for him gradually deteriorating#and then at the end of course Sisko is gone and they have no idea when he'll be back#which I think Julian would have a lot of complicated feelings about#but of course theres also Jake#I imagine they'd get closer#very brotherly dynamic#you know that scene in TNG where Wesley goes to Riker for girl advice and Riker and Guinan start flirting?#absolutely happens but with Jake asking Julian for girl advice and Julian wooing a girl at Quark's and Jake absolutely loses the plot#makes the events of ...Nor the Battle to the Strong more intense as well I think#also I like to think there'd be an episode where the B plot is Jake gets mad at Sisko and impulsively decides to move out#ends up at Julian's because he did not think this through#Julian is now very much caught in the middle of this family drama and he Fucking Hates It#also him and Jake are NOT compatible roommates but he's trying so so hard to be nice#eventually they have a talk and Julian cryptically hints at his own home life and tells Jake he's lucky he has a dad who cares so much#them being closer would work into what Alone Together sets up for them
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More Tomarry doodles 😌✨️💚❤️
Au where Harry is constantly struggling bc of Tom's good looks and gestures of affection. He totally has a crush but really REALLY doesn't know how to deal with it.
He's seen either frowning or looking constipated whenever he's by Tom's side and people naturally mistake it as distate/hatred (which technically wouldn't have been wrong back in his old timeline).
In reality, Harry is so down bad for his past nemesis that he's always close to hyperventilating at the proximity between them. With Tom manoeuvring situations behind the scenes so that they can constantly be near each other/are partners in every class they're in, Harry has no chance to relax his heart at all and thus, suffers. It just so happens that his face, misleadingly, reflects that pain. Lmao.
-end (tbc?)
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Probably my last doodle (of them?) for awhile bc I really need to finish my other wips and I have an upcoming bday project to work on hhhh. Like I'll still make time for them but right now? it's a challenge. /n
#doodles#fanart#tomarry#tomarry fanart#harry potter#harry james potter#tom riddle#harrypotterfanart#tom riddle fanart#hp fanart#peep abaraxas in the back looking shook af 😭#rbf Harry#he's just as gone for Tom okay#but the feeling is so intense that he ends up lashing out and becomes a brat insteadhfurkr#'throwing' away Tom's gifts and gestures of affection to his face#but secretly and gently hiding it away in his box of treasures when he's alone 🥺#no fr all those little trinkets from Tom? puts it all next to his invisibility cloak and photo album of his parents#yes the irony is hilarious i know. Harry knows but he dont care bc ITS A DIFFERENT REALITY LET HIM LIVE#tom buys all these gifts with abraxas' money btw
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~you construct rituals of competition with another man as an outlet for feelings you do not want to name or fully understand~
#inchreplies#landoscar#grateful thanks to this kind of complex real sht happening to the lando ship where fandom fully accepts the gf already#bc the dance they do between almost crazily intimate baby voices and sweetness and mild obsession w each other#to trying to redirect their energies on healthy competition that just ends up w them looking intensely at each other for no reason#is just a lot to try and understand let alone worry ppl will run w it and go insane#btw I'm erasing twitter urls where idk the acc and not sure if I should be sharing orposting here#mutual obsession#mine#lando's oscar obsession
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No thoughts, only coalecroux and wisdom saga at extremely high density
#i am going insane#how does one handle such intensity let alone two#do i get the “I survived the wisdom saga policy violation” tshirt#mfw im about the fight wisdom saga but damn it got hands#and it's tag team along with episode 53 of once upon a witchlight#help#luka blabbers#epic the musical#once upon a witchlight#coalecroux#wisdom saga
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I was watching a clip of the nutcracker on youtube and someone complained about the ballerina dancing as clara because "an adult playing a 12 year old is creepy" and guys. I think we need to shut down takes. No more takes until we figure out what's going on.
#what do you want??? CHILD LABOR?#profesional ballet is incredibly intense both mentally and physically#12 is a really young age to go en pointe in the first place let alone for HOURS on end every day#like i can understand this shit in like. tv or movies but on LIVE PERFORMANCE???#on camera you are so close to the actor appearance matters a lot more and you can make more forgiving schedules for child actors#in ballet you CAN'T account for those schedules#and the dancer's... you know. DANCING matters way more than how young they look. you're sitting 50m away it DOESN'T MATTER#i'm not sure how to like... tag this beyond the rant#im not even sure if it was purity culture or just a pure hatred for adult women#because the commenter went to complain that the dancer (who was 24) 'looked in her 40s'#ballet#the nutcracker#the dancer was Sae Maeda for the record who is BRILLIANT
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loving it keep it coming
#usually ‘they cannot be normal about eachother or the whole universe explodes’ is just a funny exaggeration thing people like to say about-#-characters they like but with these two it is quite literally canonically true. the whole universe is forever stained because of how much-#rick and morty love eachother and how intense they are when it comes to eachouther#of course this is highly exaggerated but yeah#rick will hang out with this little guy and expose him to the whole world and be the only source of comfort in both that and his normal-#-life and then be surprised when that little guy doesn’t let go of him and wants to stay with him forever and never want him to replace him#and kf course only because morty did the same to rick. he saw everything able to be seen by human eyes and then after everything only then-#-he discovered the single greatest thing ever which is Morty My Grandson Morty :). and he absolutely broke ricks heart by the smallest-#-things and drove him crazy with just how much he adores him and wants him to live and would do and sacrifice anything and he wouldn’t just#-die for morty he does that every week. he’d LIVE for morty and that’s much harder for him#but hed do anything. how the hell did i end up rambling about them like this#ive written thousands of words about these fuckers just today alone i think its safe to say.#rick and morty#odieart#odiespeak
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me when at the core of it all amelia is just a traumatised 19 year old girl alone in one of the most abusive, damaging environments she literally can't leave and the fandom just calls her an 'evil stupid bitch'
#im so sorry she insulted ur fave ginger scientist or whatever considering that said scientist bought and sold a baby (AMELIAS BABY)#and no one told her jackshit/spoke in half truths i genuinely think amelia shld be given a gun yelling is not enough UIHSFUISFUHIFSH#but also the amnt of strength it would have taken. let alone mental fortitude. to shake herself away from the intense lovebombing from zhc#and to shake herself out of it enough to realise what the fuck was ACTUALLY going on and go 'no this isn't right; i have to stop this'#LIKE THE STRENGTH TO EVEN ATTEMPT TO LEAVE AND TAKE DOWN A CULT LIKE THAT..... THAT'S POOKIE#like for reference it wld be like if the wife of the dude running scient.ology tried to take it down and leave all in one fell swoop.#🕊️❝ out of redemption ( ooc. )
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Hey did I ever tell y'all about the time I dreamed that I had a baby daughter called Ellie that began with my finding out I was pregnant and ended on like her third birthday?
I legitimately woke up thinking "I should go check on Ellie" and then realised she was never real and when I tell you I SOBBED. I've been haunted by an implacable sense of loss ever since. Did I travel to another dimension? Wtf happened because that was insane.
#I'm not even joking when I say it felt REAL#I have this baby doll (it was my mum's when she was a kid and I have it now) that sometimes I just hold and it makes me feel better???#Did I astral project into another life?????#Was it just a really fucking intense fever dream??????#For the record I was like fifteen I have never even done the do let alone had a pregnancy scare#But yeah my little Ellie#And she never fuckin existed#I woke up halfway through planning her birthday party like baking a cake or sm and I was thinking#“I'll give her the little green cardigan I knitted”#Woke up to a silent house and was like “she's never usually quiet this time in the morning”#Then realised what had happened and started CRYING#idk man it's insane#From a psychological point of view it's fascinating but I've tried and tried to analyse the dream and?????#I always come up with something different???? I can't pinpoint the actual cause and effect of the whole thing?????#Madness honestly#And it was just a normal day too nothing weird had happened it wasn't a coma and I wasn't knocked out it was just a Dream#A very very real one#For the record I don't think Ellie had a father#I think it was just an immaculate conception that nobody ever questioned#Might have been IVF now I think about it#That would make more sense#dream#weird dreams#Ig I should add a grief trigger warning???#tw grief#one time i dreamt#Very confused and it's been like two years so wtf yeah that was... Intense#The most dream of all time#Maybe I'm just fucking insane lol but yeah
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Raph post Kraang body hcs
- he’s fully blind in his right eye
- his veins are purplish reddish at spots where the infection was most prominent (arm, chest, face)
- his right arm shakes and he has various levels of numbness throughout, pain is present when numbness subsides
- his motor function is very weak in his right hand (he has to learn how to be dominant with his left hand)
- horrible migraines that can make him bed ridden and unable to move
- initially he couldn’t use his right arm and couldn’t even move for awhile. Remember the Kraang took hold of him fully and for a lot longer than anyone else, he wouldn’t just leave with a scratch on his eye
- hears voices in his head and sometimes talks to them if he’s alone
#rise Raph#rottmnt Raph#raphael hamato#sins Raph#need more hcs of him post Kraang infection; I love how Donnie and Leo are acknowledged#but let’s not act like Raph wouldn’t have had lasting damage compared to them considering the length of time the Kraang had a hold on him#I like to think Donnie also hears voices too#both Donnie and Raph becoming immune to certain diseases but other diseases they’re especially susceptible to due to the Kraang >>>#the hc that Raph always dies first of the brothers is intense but let’s take it up a notch#-> the Kraang infected him for too long and his mind and body is slowly eating itself alive thus he dies young compared to them#Donnie being the second to die is always really sad too so let’s add that hc to Donnie but he lasts a lot longer than Raph#Raph leaving everyone behind because of the mental and physical decline; he becomes more animalistic like how he is when he’s alone#so he isolated himself and dies alone
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There is something really beautiful about Simone Biles being regarded as the best gymnast in history, and her still falling/making mistakes/not qualifying for bars final/not placing first always.
#olympics spoilers#is this a thing i should be tagging idk odhgsodg#she's just universally recognized but she can still lose and lose with grace and i was never quite good at that as a gymnast IHDFOISG#rebeca andrade is amazing i am so happy for her#and simone has talked about how they push each other to be better but she is tired of competing with her etc#i may get really annoyed during olympic season bc everyone who knows me messaging me like ARE YOU WATCHING GYMNASTICS#as if i don't make it a huge part of my identity myself but i am obsessed w/ the olympics always have been and watch more than just that#but it happens every time and probs will forever#IDK tag rants no one cares about but it's just such an insane sport and i came first on beam in my last ever competition#i only had to beat like 3 people it was not intense at all difhosdg but it is so nice to see...that#olympics + humanity post here#anyway media leave simone alone give her peace let her be free#ooc.#tbd.
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How did Maverick clock Ice as gay? what gave him away?
once again: LOOK AT HIM
he’s a brown-haired man trying too hard to be blond. it’s a metaphor.
#he’s not giving gay in the classroom scene where they meet but he IS giving#extremely sexually confused in the officers club scene directly following#He Does Not Know How to Talk to Other Men!!!!!#(intense gaze; eyebrow quirk; weirdly intimate and gentle tone of voice) i heard that about you. you like to work alone.#maverick (thinking): i am going to let this guy fuck me for the next thirty years & i am gonna be so happy about it#top gun#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav
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met an uncle this weekend who I've met briefly like 4 times since 2000 (when I was, you know, 10) and I'm fascinated to learn that we are extremely similar
#like he is a LOT more intense than i am#unchecked neurodivergence going let's do whatever the fuck seems like a good idea right Now#but some things about how we function and perceive the world are super super similar#and I think it's partly a similar nd flavour thing and partly a similar type of perception of spiritual stuff and Vibes#writing this to remember it mainly but we both had the exact same feelings about granddad's place and i've heard that from no one else#the land itself isn't welcoming there and it's distressing if you're sensitive to that kind of thing#also same relationship to noise and alone time and a bunch of other things. cool to see. always did like him#also he slipped up with my name exactly once and immediately corrected himself#more than i can say for my eldest uncle who i see a few times every year ��#family feature#applied faunology
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gender complaining
It's so hard to find male friends with ANY knowledge of fat politics. I have a few, but any politically fat event I go to (e.g. Bigger Bodies Boston events, explicitly fat clothing swaps, etc) is always 99% women. Which, like, that is cool for them, but 1) I always worry people will be uncomfortable that there is A Man at what they may have assumed will be a 100% women event, 2) due to gender roles, my experience of fatphobia is generally different to most women's, and it would be nice to have more people to talk to who 2a) related to that through their own life experiences and 2b) were in a similar kvetch ring to me gender-wise, and 3) as a trans man it is a LITTLE dysphoria inducing ngl
I am just going to have to start some kind of fat men's consciousness-raising group myself, aren't I
#what if I want to meet fat men who know MORE about fat politics and weight stigma than me???#I've read like 2 books and do not study public health or whatever. what would give me the authority#also those would be just absolutely enormous emotions to hold in my hands.#like. I know from personal experience these topics are intense and painful. am I really ready to invite other people to share those stories#and to handle it let alone be helpful#idk#it's just lonely sometimes that's all#boring text posts#genderfuckery#body image
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thats the longest comic ive ever drawn (walks over to a ditch anf clips through the world)
#ik its only 8 pages thats not THAT much but i also have next to no comic experience#and coming out of a 5 year long intense depressive state where i could barely finish anything let alone. 8 PAGES of something#im proud :) (smacks my own ass) KEEP IT UP BABY#rot posts
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