#I'll probably have more thoughts tomorrow
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Ice Cream shop
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Summary: Rafe & Y/n go on a ice cream date but Sarah crashes it by third wheeling... or so Rafe thought. Warnings: Making out, nipple sucking, Rafe getting pissed off, ass slapping, use of petnames like "bunny, baby, Sweetgirl, good girl, and daddy's girl(I'm pretty sure that's it, if not lmk)
You walk into TannyHill looking around for Rafe, that's when Sarah pops out of nowhere "boo, bitch!" she exclaimed as you jump back holding your chest, "Damnit Sar!" You gasp glaring at her as she raises her eyebrow at you "yeah... never cuss again" she says since you never swear, only on rare occasions.
"Sarah quit messing with bunny" Rafe comes out his room rolling his eyes as he walks over and his eyes meet yours "there's my sweet girl, hm" he says leaning down pecking your lips "hi rayray" you mumble and smile against his lips, "ew you guys are sickingly cute" Sarah grimaces.
"Ready for that ice cream dat-" Sarah cuts rafe off yelling as she clumsily slips her shoes on "IM READY!" You jump as your eyes widen as she yells, grabbing her purse."Sarah, you're not going" Rafe grumbles as you furrow your eyebrows. "Baby, just let her come, plus it'll be fun since you're a.. boring person, no offense. "
That's how rafe found himself being more like the third-wheel than Sarah, Y/n and Sarah are sitting on the bench in the ice cream store laughing and talking as they eat our ice cream and rafe.. well, he's sitting next to you, glaring at Sarah as his hand possessively rubs up and down your thigh "I'll be back, I'm gonna use the girls room" you cut rafe out of his trance as you get up leaving and going to the bathroom.
You’re in the bathroom exiting the stall when you feel rafe push you up against the bathroom wall “did we really have to invite her?” he mumbles kissing down you’re neck “Mm, Rafe we’re in a public restroom” you moan softly as he slips your small pink tank top off looking at you’re braless perky nipples
“cmon pretty girl let daddy have his girls” he murmurs and before you can answer his lips latch around your perky nipple as you moan softly, your head falls back against the cold tile as your back arches. You grip his hair pulling his face away from your breast and kiss his lips sloppily and needy.
You bite you’re bottom lip as he lowers to his knees and his head disappears under your skirt as he licks a strip up your slit “ra- ray” you gasp and moan as your hand flys to his head putting one leg over his shoulder “Mm, who’s daddy’s good girl?” You don’t answer right away and whimper as he slaps your ass “be a good girl, use your words” he whispers against your clit “I- I’m daddy’s girl” you gasp and moan as he sucks on your clit.
“Ray I- I’m gonna-“ before you could finish your orgasm crashes over you as you moan softly, you grind up against his face as he drowns himself in my cunt.
After some time you both walk out the restroom as you fix your top and hair as Rafe follows behind you fixing your skirt, you walk over to Sarah “hey sar, we’re probably gonna cut the “date” short” you say scratching the back of your neck as as Sarah puts two and two together “okay ok probably go stay with Kiara” you nod as she says bye and leaves to go stay with Kiara.
“Get that little ass in there” Rafe shakes his head smacking your ass “I’m going! I’m going!” You giggle running inside the house as he locks his truck doors coming in the house sitting his keys on the table next to the front door.
You’re in the bedroom putting on your night clothes as he comes in the room staring at you “you know we could’ve had a whole day to ourselves if you didn’t invite Sarah on OUR date” he says taking off his clothes “I know baby I’m sorry, she just didn’t have anyone to hangout with” you say walking over to him on the bed as you shut off the bedside table lamp.
You crawl up into bed laying your head down on his chest as he covers both of you up “how about we just go on a date tomorrow night, just us.. me and you?” You hum closing your eyes “yeah, alright baby go to sleep” he whispers kissing you’re lips before you both drift off to sleep.
PLEASE DO NOT RE-EDIT OR COPY THIS POST
This is like my second story I’ve made so please give an honest review. Lmk if I should make a taglist!!!
#outer banks#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron x you#Rafe Cameron X sweetheart!reader#drew starkey#obx#rafe cameron
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Skizzpulse band au? Skizzpulse band au! SKIZZPULSE BAND AUU!! SKIZZPULSE BAND AU!! BAND AU BAND AU BAND AU- I scream as I get dragged back to bed
Uh, hi!! I would, LOVE to see more of this lol. Even if you don't have time to actually write/draw for it, I will take literally anything. I cherish any drop of content like crumbs from those delicious sounding apology pastries. If you don't mind, I would specifically love a bit more on skizz & impulses first meeting, have they competed in any band wars? Do they have a lot a mutual friends? And they stupider here than tsots or do they have some common sense? Or just the Heart Fondation! Oh also! What about bdubs and etho? They have a lot of ties (ha. Get it? Ties) to those two! Itd be interesting to see if they have a place in this au.
I will genuinely take anything lol. Your writing FUELS me, and your art is always so pleasing to look at it calms me down?? I don't really know how to explain it. But your doing gods work/vvsilly
BAND AUUUUUUUU
I have LOTS of thoughts on their first meeting--but you don't get to see that yet ;) I have a bunch of art drawn (ft. the most adorable Impulse ever) and all that's left is to write a little blorb of how it went down, which I'll probably do sometime tomorrow :D (I'm very very excited for this lol)
They do have mutual friends, since Skizz tends to know EVERYBODY, but Impulse is a bit of a recluse apart from when Gem and Scott make him get out of the house, so he hasn't met Skizz yet. Skizz happens to have never interacted directly with Gem or Scott either, but they've all heard of each other. As for mutual connections, Impulse does know Tango (who is part of Heart Foundation, obviously), and probably some others, but that's it for important connections I can come up with off the top of my head!
As for stupid levels, these guys are certified idiots, rest assured. However, this one isn't exactly a slow burn! I'd say more, but you'll see soon enough... >:)
Bdubs, I don't have any particular plans for. I'm still brainstorming a lot of the hermits n such. Etho knows everyone, tho (add him to mutual friends list ig), and in particular, the Roomies exist in this AU like they did in secret life, because I love them dearly <3 Other than that, he's a college student, studying tech of some sort, and lives with Cleo and Grian :) (and potentially Bdubs, if I get around to giving him a backstory. Honestly if you have ideas, feel free to share) He occasionally helps out with the sound tech for the Heart Foundation, but it's rare.
And thank you so much! I'm thrilled everyone's liking my silly lil band au thus far, I've kinda hyperfixated on it these past few days lmao. My wrist actually hurts from drawing so much rip, I need to get a proper stand for my tablet so I'm not hunched over the desk like a shrimp. But yeah! I have lots more art and quite a bit of writing I wanna do :D idk how far this'll go, since it's not meant to be serious or anything, but it's a fun experiment
Okie have good day
#skizzleman#impulsesv#hermitcraft#skizzpulse#My Heart Went Boom#tango tek#geminitay#scott smajor#gem and the scotts#heart foundation#ethoslab#walleye asks
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SILVER LINING | G.A
I really miss something really cozy and cute of Gracie, something you read on a rainy day or before bed… I'll probably spend a long time trying to write something like that, but for now, here's a try<3
𓍼 WORD COUNT: 1890
𓍼 SUMMARY: due to the rainy day, you and Grace stay at home enjoying each other's warmth...
𓍼 WARNINGS: fluff
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the smell in the air is of rain and wet grass, still mixed with the characteristic aroma of gracie's house. due to the wind's movement—or just luck—there are no traces of raindrops on the window, giving the perfect view of the street.
"i don't want to get up," gracie makes a sound that can only be described more as a grunt than a speech, along with that raspy voice that never fails to make you smile. the blanket, once carefully arranged over the bed, is now all tangled, and only gets more so when your girlfriend crawls through the sheets to your neck.
after the break from the secret of us tour, christmas and new year, you and gracie decided to spend some time alone, without family, friends, or fans—or at least you're trying. but executing plans to wake up early to walk and have coffee at a 'cute' café becomes difficult when mrs. madigan insists on staying awake until two in the morning writing.
"you should have thought better before scheduling this," your arms open to pull her into a warm hug, even warmer in the january cold. "now you owe me a date."
gracie's short hair brushes your chin, and one thing you haven't missed is that the shorter it gets, the more it stands up, making her unbelievably more adorable.
abrams lets out a long sigh, one that mixes laziness and surrender. her face hides even more against your neck, and you feel her warm breath against your skin, slow and rhythmic.
"i didn't schedule anything," she murmurs, voice even more drawn out from sleep. "you said ‘let's go out tomorrow morning,’ and i just said ‘yeah baby’."
you laugh softly, unable to even pretend to be irritated. "that's basically scheduling something."
"no," she pulls away just enough to look at you, her eyes still heavy with sleep. "it’s just agreeing with moderate enthusiasm. no legal commitment involved."
your gaze slides to the window, where the sky is still gray, in no rush to let the sun through. the rain might be almost imperceptible, but the cold remains, and the bed has never seemed so inviting. you sigh.
"alright," your gaze returns to meet hers. "but i’m keeping track of this debt. you owe me a cute coffee."
gracie smiles, yawning before speaking. "babe, i am your cute coffee."
and, well… you can’t argue with that.
she stretches against you, ribs cracking before settling on your lap, legs slipping over yours as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"so, if you’re my cute coffee," you begin, adjusting your head on the pillow to look at her better, "does that mean i can drink you?"
gracie raises an eyebrow, the corner of her mouth curling into a lazy smile. "isn't it a little early for that kind of conversation?"
"not when you sit on my lap like this,"
"so that means i’m irresistible?"
"definitely," you reply without hesitation, sliding your hands over her waist. "and addictive."
she lets out a soft laugh, tossing her head back for a moment before guiding her hand to your shoulders and gently squeezing. "if you deserve it…"
your eyebrows furrow and a small pout grows "don’t do that…"
gracie laughs at your indignant expression, though before you can complain, she leans in and seals her lips to yours. the kiss is slow and comfortable, as if she has all the time in the world to enjoy it. the taste of weak mint and sleep still clinging to her skin makes everything even more delicious, and when she slides her fingers along your neck, a pleasant shiver runs down your spine.
for a moment, the world outside disappears. there is no cold, no commitments, no thought of getting out of bed. just the warmth of her body, the way her fingers casually play with your hair, and the way she smiles against your mouth before pulling away with a lazy sigh.
"okay, you win," gracie murmurs, stretching her arms above her head and rubbing her face.
but before she can move again, your eyes widen, and you gently hold her thighs. "wait, wait, stay still!"
"what?" she blinks, confused.
you’re already stretching your arm to grab your phone from the bedside table. "i need to take a picture of you now."
"are you kidding?" she lets out a tired laugh, but doesn’t move.
"no way," you say, opening the camera and focusing on her face, her eyes still half-closed, hair messy, and an entirely unguarded expression. "you look too beautiful."
she rolls her eyes, but the smile at the corner of her mouth gives her away. "if i knew i’d be spied on so early in the morning i would’ve gotten ready better."
"this is perfect," you retort, clicking the picture before she has a chance to protest.
gracie puffs and leans in to rest her chin on your shoulder. "let me see."
you turn the screen toward her, and she analyzes it for a moment before laughing. "okay… i admit, it’s not bad."
"it’s not bad?" you feign offense. "this is art."
she laughs, hiding her face in your neck. "okay, okay. now put that phone down and come back to hugging me."
and, of course, you obey without hesitation.
…
somehow, you ended up not going to the ‘cute’ café. the rain got heavier, and besides making you pout, you had to jump out of bed to close the windows. now the sound of water hitting the window is more audible, but still, in some way, cozy.
"i’m sorry we didn’t go, i know you really wanted to," gracie murmurs under her breath, planting a kiss on the back of your shoulder.
"it’s okay, staying here isn’t bad," one of your hands slides down to cover abrams' hands on your belly while the other pours tea into two cups.
gracie tightens her arms around you, resting her chin on your shoulder. "still, i promised a cute coffee. now all we have is tea and a slightly cold apartment." her eyes remain fixed on your activity of placing the kettle back on the stove, almost enchanted.
you smile to the side, turning in her arms to hand her the cup. "the apartment might be cold, but you’re a great personal heater." your gaze drifts slightly to the way her fingers react to the warmth of the ceramic, almost making you laugh.
"hmm…" she pretends to ponder, blowing on the hot drink before taking a sip. "valid point, but i still feel like i owe you a date."
"then let’s turn this into one," you lean back, supporting yourself on the counter. "we can make our own cute coffee. just think: special teas, fresh bread, background playlist… and a very specific dress code: pajamas."
gracie lets out a soft laugh, looking at her own clothes—a worn sweater and loose pants. "well, i’m already on theme."
"then it’s perfect," you take a sip of the tea, feeling your whole body warm up. "besides, you said it yourself: you are my cute coffee."
she rolls her eyes, but can’t hide the satisfied smile. "okay, okay. but only because you made it sound like a great idea."
you raise your cup as if to toast. "because it is a great idea."
and that’s how you both end up, half an hour later, sitting on the couch with blankets over your legs, eating poorly made toast and drinking tea, while the rain outside continues to fall without hurry. the couch has never felt so comfortable, and this is largely due to the familiar weight of gracie’s body on yours—legs intertwined and her arms wrapped around your waist, holding you as if afraid you might escape.
on the tv, some random movie you chose without much thought keeps playing, lighting up the room with colorful flashes. you try to pay attention, but the way gracie is nestled against you makes it difficult. especially because, instead of watching, she has another priority at the moment: you.
her lips move lazily over your neck, leaving slow and unhurried kisses. sometimes they’re soft pecks, sometimes a longer brush, as if she’s drawing invisible maps on your skin. the warm touch contrasts with the cold outside, making everything even cozier.
you let out a soft groan, more of contentment than anything else, and slide one hand over her back, in a slow and distracted caress. the fabric of gracie’s sweater is soft under your fingers, but still, you know her skin underneath is even more so. your other hand finds the cup, bringing the tea to your lips as she continues her little mission of filling you with kisses.
gracie shifts slightly, adjusting herself on your lap without ever breaking contact, and you take the moment to pull her closer, wrapping her completely, as if you could hold her even tighter. your fingers draw light circles on her back, and you feel when her shoulders relax under your touch, as if she’s melting right there, in your embrace.
for a moment, all that exists is the sound of the forgotten movie still playing on tv, the soft rain against the window, and the comfortable rhythm of your mixed breaths. no words are necessary, but then, with one last lingering kiss just below your ear, gracie sighs contentedly.
"you’re so warm," she murmurs, almost like she’s thinking out loud.
"was that a compliment?" her voice is heavy with sleep and affection.
"obviously," her mouth still against your skin, the sound more felt than heard. "you’re warm and comfortable. my human pillow."
"if i’m your pillow, you should be sleeping,"
gracie makes an indecipherable sound, something between a denial and a whiny grumble. "if i sleep, you might run away."
"run away?" you repeat, amused. "and where exactly would i go?"
she finally pulls back just enough to look into your eyes, a small smile playing on her lips. "i don’t know. but just in case, better make sure you stay here."
before you can reply, she shifts your positions, gently pushing you down to lie back. gracie settles herself more comfortably on top of you, her arms wrapping fully around your body, and weight completely relaxed against you. with a weak shift, she nestles herself between your legs, face resting on your shoulder with familiarity.
"there," she whispers. "you are now officially my prisoner."
you let out a small giggle, and your fingers sliding to caress the pale skin beneath her sweater. "and what if i want to move?"
"i don’t see the need."
you bite your lip to hold back another laugh, your hand sliding to the nape of her neck, feeling the warmth of her skin beneath your fingers. "and what if i need to go to the bathroom?"
she doesn’t answer right away, just snuggles even closer against you, her lips brushing your neck again. when she finally speaks, her voice is drowsy, almost a whisper:
"i’ll reconsider your sentence."
you laugh softly, feeling your own body relax even more under her weight.
"how did i end up being the victim here?"
gracie lets out a small sound, something between a chuckle and a satisfied hum. "because i’m very smart."
you just roll your eyes. "or very lazy."
"shhh," she grumbles, nuzzling even further. "pillows don’t talk."
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Thank you for your kindness and for all the asks! I'm working on writing them all.
thanks for reading <3
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Doom doesn't press Sylvester when he asserts that he can manage showering on his own. She just nods and says, "Okay," and then waits for him to close the door behind him after entering the bathroom before getting up out of the chair and gathering up the bowl and everything on the cart to wheel it out of there.
She checks around the room to make sure there isn't anything she's forgetting before she leaves, though. The Office is a big building, ten floors plus a basement of room upon room upon room, all this without the ghosts and dimensional anomalies and man in the ceiling (aka Cyrus). Not to mention, it wouldn't do for him to go looking for a way out of the building and to actually get outside - not because she doesn't want him to leave, but because there are genuinely dangerous things outside that could cause him real harm or even kill him.
Before leaving him to his peace, Doom spawns in a piece of paper and a pen and writes a note for him. She leaves it on his pillow, where he should easily find it.
It reads:
Sylvester,
Hope your shower went well and that you can get some good sleep.
You are in room 266. My room is 218. Not too far from where you are. If you leave your room and need me, just follow the numbers and they'll lead you to my room. Doesn't matter what time of day, just knock on my door. If I'm not in there, then call for Cyrus, he will be able to hear you anywhere in the office. I will probably be in there, though, or will come by to check on you later.
If you're hungry or need medical supplies, head to the fourth floor employee lounge. Again, Cyrus can direct you there or you can come get me. Or if you want to get there on your own, just walk to the end of the hallway you're in and you'll see an elevator. Go to the fourth floor, follow the main hallways. We've marked them with signs to show the way. Eat whatever you want, it's all good.
You might come across other people in the office. They live here too. All are safe and my friends, except James, he's an idiot, he does anything weird, tell me and I'll take care of it. I thought it might also be a good idea to give you a head's up that the office has ghosts in it too - actual ghosts, I'm not joking or using metaphors, they are literal ghosts. There's Stanley who is a sort of shadow person and Timmy, but you probably won't see him, he spends most of his time outside in the garden. September is a giant monster looking ghost, can't miss her, looks scary as hell but she will not hurt you. None of them will. They just live here.
One last thing, please don't go outside without someone with you, it's not safe. There are things outside of the office that can hurt you.
We can talk more tomorrow if you like. Have a good sleep.
Doomsday
That task complete, Doom takes the cart, opens a portal to the employee lounge, pushes it through, and closes it behind her. She decides to make some sandwiches and some easy to grab things to put up in the fridge for if her guest decides to come out of his room looking for food later.
There is a sense of guilt about having somebody else care for him. It makes him uneasy. Every bit of kindness and care he's experienced these past years has been either a transaction of sorts or a tool to manipulate him. If they've been kind to him once then that means they get to subject him to an array of cruelties after, because he owes them and he just has to grin and bear it. Even if that isn't the case here, and he hopes it isn't, he finds it hard to truly relax. The tension runs deep.
He glances at her as she speaks, remaining quiet. Seems neither of them really know what to say. Sylvester reflexively wants to apologize, though he isn't sure what for. Probably just for being there. Being an inconvenience. Requiring any kind of care at all. Existing.
"Thank you, I think I will manage as long as I am careful and move slowly." Yes, taking off his shirt and putting on a new one probably would be much easier if he asked for help, but he can do it himself, it will just take a bit longer and may hurt a bit more. He's willing to endure both of those things if it means he can avoid asking for help. She's already done far too much. "Right, then I will go do that. Thank you." He can't help but thank her again as he moves to the shower.
It takes a moment for him to remove his clothes, but he manages it and the shower does make him feel better. The warm water makes him feel human again. It's wild how something so mundane can have such an effect on how one feels. This whole situation has been great at making him feel like a person again, it's something he reflects on as he arrives back in the original room after his shower. The bed is calling his name, and he's warm and clean and dressed in fresh pajamas... He's more relaxed than he has been in months. He carefully eases himself into the bed, drifting off almost as soon as his head hits the pillow.
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Day saying yes to having his picture taken was so important. There is now proof out there that he is still a part of the world. There is proof out there that he is still a part of the badminton world, which was his own special world, in that fan's phone.
Then Day asks Mhok to take a picture of him with the trophies. Little by little Day is entering the world again. He's allowing himself to be part of the world and to be seen in it even if he can't see it for himself.
#last twilight#last twilight the series#last twilight series#last twilight bl#this is about all i got thoughts wise right now because my brain is basically just a radiator#i'll probably have more thoughts tomorrow
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This was my watch party for the finale. 💖
#cats#little kitty winter#little kitty fantastico#they were great company#and soon I'm going to bed to cuddle with their sister and sleep#I'll probably have more thoughts tomorrow#but overall right now I'm feeling mostly satisfied and pleasantly wrung out#and excited to read the meta and fic that shall follow#g'night y'all#<3#toasty's adventures in unexpected feral kittens
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Day 7: "female bullying" (reference under the cut)
Donate to save Muhammad Shehab's family! Main Post | GoFundMe
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#I wasnt sure if I wanted ship on this blog#cuz I want it more about Amy than any ships in particular#but Metamy week starts tomorrow and I wont have time to do more than one drawing a day probably#so I'll prob be making those my Amy dailies as well#as for why i made this image its because a friend of mine showed me the reference and I thought it would be funny#amy rose#amy rose daily#sth#sonic#sonic fanart#please donate!#blazamy#metamy#blaze the cat#metal sonic#metblazamy?#blazemetamy?#i have no idea what the ship name for the three of them is oops
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i have officially returned. ask me anything.
#random thoughts#i'll probably answer it tomorrow because i'm tired. i don't know why.#ciel if you see this i've been nicer to myself these past few days following your birthday. taking care of myself in general aspects.#which i sort of hate myself for but it's okay because. uh. i won't be like this forever. i'll be better at what i'm trying to do i promise.#new year's resolution is not fucking with me.........#oh also!! i've been sort of feeling like a dead person at times. and also like a cockroach. i have had to repeatedly tell myself that#i'm not dead i'm not dead!!!!#because i'm not. obviously. and i know i'm not. my brain is just silly. it likes to tell me i am things i am not like book characters.#and recently my mother got me my own rosary and we've been practicing praying together with my brother.#can you imagine how bad it must be for me to turn to christianity as a coping mechanism? not even when i was terrorized with death thoughts#not even in august for fuck's sake.#but it's actually not that bad. though i think i like the idea of organized religion more than i like being a part of it.#also i feel like my being catholic (mostly non-practicing) is betraying the queer community somehow. like. queer people have suffered#so much because of the christian church in general. so it's like. being christian is weird when i'm also queer.#but also then i feel weird when i try to do things in relation to christianity. like. put saint in my artist name.#that feels blasphemous i don't know. is it?????? it's not that serious either way but. augh.#i am going to write a song about this. also fellow christians is it okay to use the lyric 'uselessly clutching her rosary' or is that bad?#because i mean. technically. the she i'm referring to sort of is. because god isn't solving any of our problems.#he's just fucking. watching. if he's even real.#(and no my disappearance isn't related to the catholicism thing it's something else. as in the one thing i haven't told anyone else but cie#and an irl friend. if you are ciel then i am completely open to talking about said thing.#otherwise i will continue to drop cryptic little notes on my blog because I AM SILLY. {: )#going to play roblox now and maybe say hello to you fuckers on discord for a bit of fun. goodbye.
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Whose idea was it to make a kirtle out of flannel bedsheets in 29C weather?
Oh yeah, mine.
I'm merrily calling this project 'my descent into madness' and I'm having a grand old time. I'm engraining the metric system in my brain (American down, folks), I'm delighting in how comfy this thing is going to be (I did a quick pinned fitting with the side gores in, it is so soft and so flowy, and it'll be even more flowy once I get the front and back gores in), and I not only definitely have enough fabric for the sleeves, scary as they may be, but probably one or two kerchiefs as well! I won't wear those with the kirtle, that's too much dark blue in one go, though.
#holy run on sentence batman#i thought about making a wimple to go with#but i don't have any white linen#the goal for tomorrow is to get the side seams done (i'll probably fit them more later but depends on how the shoulders work out#and get the front and back gores pinned in at least#seam finishing? maybe#i think i may end up using the sewing machine#which is not historically accurate but i can't be bovvered (in the words of rachel maksy)#historical fashion i may prefer but modern tools are nothing to sneeze at#also i want this done by tuesday so if i'm going to spend hours handfelling seams then i'm cutting some corners for time's sake#this isn't my blog's usual topic matter but my historical fashion special interest is awake and you are all going to hear about it#(yes i am aware that three people will see this total)#chatters from the nightsky#sewing
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I haven't really been able to get anything meaningful done during my sick leave (which is pretty much the whole of last month) but! today I did! I worked on an essay for 30min and then also worked on an art piece for ~1h! And I could've gone for more but I need to go see a cardiologist early tomorrow so I'm trying to get to bed early!! I'm trying to take more care of myself and succeeding so I am celebrating that :3
#my brain is also being a hater and screaming at me that I've ruined things when I probably actually haven't#so this is also me redirecting my thoughts from that to the positives. cognitive behaviouring myself or smth#I'm going to go makemyself some starfast (evening equivalent of breakfast that english has no word for) and play some genshin as a reward#and then I'll hopefully sleep well and for multiple hours continuously! and then I'll have a nicer day tomorrow and life will be more yippe
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(๑˃﹏˂)
#I've been trying to organize the posts for tomorrow for two days now... To no avail. Even despite barely doing anything else#The plan was to queue highlights of my original posts for the whole day tomorrow#... Turns out reducing 2613 posts to a reasonable amount is harder than I thought. I've been drowning I've spent so much time on my–#computer I feel nauseous#No matter. I'm trying to narrow the number down as much as possible#Please feel free to blacklist the tag#sskk birthday fest 2024#if you'd rather avoid it! They're probably going to be a lot.#And that's all I hope everyone is having a sweet day / night (。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡#random rambles#I wish there was a way to bring back my old posts without being overwhelming. There's some 2022 gems everyone - me included - forgot about#That said 2613 posts are so many. It's more than two posts a day it's a little embarassing to look at. Like girl get a job#I suppose once I'll have ran out of ideas I can start a queue of old posts–#but since right now original posts from August 2023 are still being posted that doesn't sound like something that'll happen any time soon..
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I asked people on tumblr (and IG) what to do with my hair and here's the results
First of all thank you guys for voting on this poll (X) it was very interesting and helpful getting your input
Now I actually ended up not only making a poll here but on IG too and surprisingly they were in agreement for buzzcut:
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So I guess I'll have to find the scissors tomorrow x'D Stay tuned :3
#me (jukka) saying goodbye to my bowlcut hair (häärijä) x'D#seems to be more people in favour of bowlcut on ig but tbf there were also 60 more people (88 vs 28)#but still overwhelmingly for buzzcut#I am both intruiged and slightly worried#so tomorrow will be fun#will probably film it a bit#just for funsies#so you may or may not see it#fingers crossed I'll like it alright :'D#actually my hair seemed very smooth and silky earlier this afternoon#I have no idea what is going on#but yeah rather safe than sorry i guess#micahs foolery#micahs thoughts#also btw I am only on bowlcut because I was curious about the results and didn't want to wait - I was more or less 50/50 x'D
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can someone remind me to write up my thoughts about gallagher and the enigmata later or at least compile them somewhere i want to share it but also my Goodness i am sleepy as heck today and i have work tonight 😔
#and its a saturday so its gonna be busy asldfjkasdlkah#im just. im so sleepy man#and i have to wake up early too for work tomorrow so i just. Im going to Die between today and tomorrow count on it#but at least on monday-wednesday ill make myself catch up on sleep#love the work but on the downside MY SLEEP.....#i forgot if i said it here. idk where i was posting bro#but the other day i 100% the theme park and am close to 100% dewlight pavilion so i'll be nearly caught up with all information#that + still need to read#but im also nearly caught up with all the reading in penacony too so thats super fun and exciting !!#but because of that i have thoughts askjdfalh#most of it is towards gallagher and the past of penacony and the watchmaker but. you know alskdjfalskjh#avil plays hsr#hsr 2.1 spoilers#just in case o7#i will say though#its wild i havent run into any information regarding the dreammaster at all really#the one who adopted sunday and robin#who is the dreammaster? why does the dreammaster and watchmaker have beef with each other? whats going on?#where did the shift come from between the watchmaker being the father of penacony to the family being in charge#since the family and the watchmaker are kinda against each other#(shakes the game) I WILL KNOW YOUR SECRETS SOON ENOUGH. AS SOON AS I AM MORE AWAKE ITS OVER FOR YOU.#i wish i had someone to ramble about ideas with and like bounce off of#WE CAN SOLVE THE MYSTERIES OF PENACONY! TOGETHER!#and then probably get our asses killed too by getting to close to the legacy 😔✌🏼 itd be the way of the truth
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seeing how simple the recipe & ingredients for brigadeiros are and kinda wanting to add them to my Christmas goodies for the year to give out but also knowing my godmother is Brazillian and I'd hate if if they weren't good.....
#her mother is from Brazil & lives with her & my godfather and I would be devastated if I sent them some#and they weren't any good. like I'd be so fckn embarrassed. here's a beloved Christmas goodie from your motherland! I've ruined it!#this is also why I'd never offer her subpar vodka lmao her father was russian she got me stoli vodka for my 16th birthday#I'm putting way too much thought into this and need to go to bed I am so tired bro I've been cutting up fudge#and putting it in little paper Christmas cups all night#2 batches of fudge later and I'm like I will jump off the roof if I have to make more fudge#but I still have a can of condensed milk left to use. idk I'll figure it out.#probably making the red velvet cookies tomorrow at least so it'll be actual baking and I won't be so fckn bored with it#erin explains it all
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winter so bad i'm considering watching grantchester
#actually? winter so bad i might just walk out to the village itself tomorrow after work#i've never been (somehow)#could take my camera#it'll probably be roughly dark by the time i get back#but that's alright#still gonna have hours to get some work done#also i am Foaming At The Mouth with how bad i wanna watch more endeavour#but i have realised my next academic deadline is way closer than i thought :/#going for a long walk is a worthwhile diversion though; i'm in pretty desperate need of a change of scene#maybe next friday i'll take the train out somewhere quiet#briefly considered london but that'd be hell
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Logically I know... In the state I am rn... I should admit myself to a psych ward. But I would worry my friends and family.
The last few weeks made me realize I live more for others than I do for myself. My family told me I'm self centered but with every decision I make, I put their feelings first. I can't do this anymore. My social worker told me we could get me out of here anytime. Even if it meant staying at a shelter for homeless people. But what about my belongings? My parents would be in so much pain.
But today something clicked in me. That we live in different worlds. They don't understand me - and it's not about blame, it's about different life experiences. Which doesn't matter in the end. I want to be with people who get me. People with a different kind of life. Like my friends.
They can't understand. Unless they wind up in a similar situation than mine, they'll never understand.
For most of my life, even during my hardships, I had a plan. I knew where I wanted to go. I had a plan. Now I don't. I just genuinely don't know what to do. I don't. I feel truly and utterly helpless - and more sorry than I could ever put into words. So much guilt.
If yesterday, my acquaintance wouldn't have driven me home, I wouldn't have gotten here. I wouldn't have made it.
I can't care for myself at the moment. So humiliating. Such a shame. So much helplessness.
But I will end up figuring it out. Even if that means asking for more help than I deserve.
#personal posts#vent posts#tw#tw addiction#tw helplessness#tomorrow I have the appointment at the place for victims of violence#but I already know that I'll probably suffer from withdrawal symptoms so much#that I'll own my social worker an explanation#but I'm so scared of being taken to a hospital or something#I don't want to bother anyone#don't want to waste anyone's time or waste recourses that'd better be spent on someone else#I hate my self pity#more than anything else#whish I could just be normal#I'm sorry#and even more sorry for wanting my thoughts to get heard#rip#it's 2 am
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