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Digging Graves for your Morals; Or, The Ethical Problem of Outlawry
Hello, yes, I am here again. This one is shorter, I swear (it’s under four thousand words, even). If this is the first post from me you’re seeing, this is a follow-up to my prior essay posted here on the game The Coffin of Andy and Leyley, although it should be able to mostly stand alone.
At the end of my last essay, I touched on both the game’s nearly uncompromising moral scepticism and relativity, but I didn’t really dig into it. I outlined that the game only textually frames actions as ‘morally bad’ in the context of a morality set by the society and the world that has treated them as no better than farm animals raised for the slaughter. Well, I have a lot to say on the topic of ethics on the topic of The Coffin of Andy and Leyley, so buckle in, this one’s going to talk about the social contract, moral scepticism and everyone’s favourite topic: Mrs. Graves.
As usual, this was originally posted and formatted for on Sufficient Velocity and you can perhaps more easily read it there. Spoilers abound, and my content warning from last time still applies.
She’s not too hot on either ethics or her mother
The Meat of the Matter
Since a lot of this is optional or otherwise missable information, let’s review the premise the game gives us. If you’re already aware of all of this, I apologise, it won’t take long.
First off the bat, the quarantine at the start of the game was a hoax-driven money-making scheme of which you can pick up more-or-less all the relevant details of. This is entirely missable and by the time it’s possible to discover, our protagonists have better things to dwell on and have dialogue about, so I’ll give you a summary of what you can deduce from reading the notes and thinking about it.
The quarantine is an organ harvesting operation, as per some documents you can discover in the wardens’ office. They entrap the residents, test their blood types and starve to death those they deem surplus to requirements — alternatively the starvation itself could be their method of ‘preparing the harvest’, there’s evidence in both directions and it hardly matters — harvesting the organs of the others for sale. As our protagonists are AB-typed, the ‘universal recipient’ or ‘most selfish blood type’, they’re some of the first on the chopping block.
If you read through the newspapers and the documents in Mr. Washing Machine’s car, you can discover that ultimately ToxiSoda are responsible, and a similar thing is happening in a different city under the guise of a ‘chemical leak’. Should you further investigate matters, you will find mentions of the ‘man behind it all’, the doctor, or the Surgeon, as the fandom have been referring to him — you may recall Mrs. Graves mentioned someone similar! Yeah, he’s the guy who runs ToxiSoda, who are themselves partners with the water company that faked the parasite outbreak in the first place.
It’s all a life insurance scam, apparently
How much the details of the operation matter is something open to interpretation — it might just be something for players to figure out and Episode 3 will not cover the Surgeon at all, or he might play a major part; it's not particularly relevant to this essay. What matters is that it happened at all — indeed, it’s fairly easy to justify Ashley and Andrew in everything they did in Episode 1 (flashbacks aside), arguing that if they’d made any other decisions they’d have died — an argument that the victims dug their own graves, even if the Graves siblings put them in them. How correct that is is a matter of debate, but that you can make the argument at all matters, and we’ll be returning to this later. In my last essay (and again in the introduction here), I made an analogy to farm animals, raised without love and for slaughter. Let’s put a pin in the ‘for slaughter’ part for now and take a look at the ‘without love’ part.
That’s right, it’s time to meet the parents.
As Andrew notes, there are significantly more compelling reasons for you to say that
They Fuck You Up, Your Mum & Dad
They really do.
Our charming protagonists are, as with many things depicted in this game, an exaggerated, almost farcical example of this phenomenon — one that’s just grounded enough to still feel very real, just like the siblings themselves.
The late and lamentable Mrs. Graves is just the same: originally a teen mother, hopelessly out of depth with two difficult children — even if one was good at masking it — and an unreliable, emotionally unavailable (at least to their children) partner who can’t hold down a job, ends up foisting them off on each other and doing a Parental Negligence because she simply Cannot Cope. That’s the real part. The part where she gets paid off by an organ harvesting operation to leave them to die, that’s the borderline-farcical exaggeration that throws all the nooks and crannies of her character into sharp relief.
Mrs. Graves does not have a good relationship with either of her kids. Having self-admittedly fobbed the job of raising Ashley off on her son, to the degree that they did not even celebrate her birthday as kids, both of them hold differing degrees and types of resentment for her.
For Ashley, it’s hate — perhaps not quite so clear cut as that, as it’s her that calls for the eulogy and she shows some potential signs of discomfort while cleaning up her parents’ corpses, but by and large, it’s fairly simple and straightforward, as usual for Ashley. The sentiment is not exactly unreturned, either.
This brings Ashley’s heart great delight!
The most clear incident raising her from everyday ‘neglectful’ to ‘wow she wanted nothing to do with this kid’ is the optional ‘birthday cake’ scene, obtained by finding the present in Ashley’s first ‘transitory world’ dream, in which we see Ashley’s birthday and the founding of a lemon cupcake tradition between Leyley and Andy. She has received nothing from her family, notes that her ‘friends’ would say they were busy before she even told them the schedule and Andy takes her out to buy cupcakes with his pocket money.
This scene gets a callback in Andrew’s dream later. Just remember to Ask Nicely, rather than Kill Her.
Parents of the year, everyone.
So with Ashley it’s as straightforward and obvious as she herself is — she hates her mother, her mother hates her. With Andrew, as with Andrew himself, it’s a fair bit more complicated. His mother is a much more nuanced figure, who is believable in her role as an unfortunate teen parent who was trying her best. He has a degree of trust in her against, seemingly, his own good judgment In her conversation with Andrew, she acknowledges her fault in raising him and seemingly sincerely tries to offer him a ‘way out’, an olive branch.
I think many people have had relationships where they might say this
This scene in particular intrigues me, because she is acknowledging fault in a way that Andrew strictly avoids doing — and well, there’s nothing Andrew likes more than a good way to avoid acknowledging any fault of his own. With her dominant relationship over their father as a model for Andrew to draw comparisons to his own relationship with Ashley with, it’s no surprise that the narrative resonates with him to the point of ‘Accept’ being many people’s first completion.
Of course, that’s not all there is to it. There is a fascinating contrast with her later conversation with Ashley, where she — despite accusing Ashley of brainwashing Andrew — refers to Leyley and Andy as ‘two psychos’ and states that she always knew they were responsible for Nina’s death and that, implicitly, they owe her for not turning them in.
There's something about mother-daughter relationships here that I just do not have the time or reading to dig into, unfortunately.
Meanwhile, when Andrew interrogates her on her possession of their death certificates, she has… an interesting, plausible story about a life insurance scam and claims that she really did think they died in the fire, implicitly denying the claim that she sold them. It’s entirely possible that she’s describing the details of the ‘scam’ correctly — you can even buy that she genuinely does care for Andrew in some way, if not Ashley, but her claim about being an honest, grieving parent shocked at their deaths… doesn’t add up?
This is a very normal reaction to your supposedly dead children showing up in your house.
As Andrew himself notes after hearing her story, she’s full of shit. This gets into speculation, because there are a few ways to read this, but the most plausible ‘gist’ is that she and her partner were paid off in money and jobs to not raise a fuss — the surgeon she mentioned is almost certainly the founder of ToxiSoda, remember?
The overwhelming difference in presentation between how she speaks to Andrew and Ashley invites investigation — and when Andrew turns down her offer and tells her he isn’t interested in her offer in Decline, her reaction isn’t… despair, it’s shock — and well, there’s a good reason for that.
Why do you think she did it in the first place?
This is the happiest we see her
Well — it’s so she can finally fit into society. That white picket fence, that idyllic 1950s life — hell you can call it the American Dream. She wants that, or as close to it as she can get — the working-class teen mother, living in poverty, aspiring to the middle-class. It’s a very common, very real and very grounded motivation.
And to that end, she effectively sold off her children. It’s no wonder she can’t fathom why Andrew wouldn’t choose the same.
That’s the part that makes you think — just like the deaths in Episode 1, well- maybe the siblings are justified here, too. It’s a weaker argument, but it’s still one you can make under many common moral paradigms today — what goes around comes around, all that jazz. Just look at how awful she was to Ashley.
She’s finally found what she’s been striving for.
Here’s the thing, here’s the thing though — what, reasonably, could she have done? Andrew and Ashley briefly highlight this in conversation about Ashley’s ‘friends’ in Episode 1 — was she supposed to fight gunmen to try and break them out? Throw food to the balcony from four stories?
Moreover, as she herself says to Andrew… would anyone really have been able to do better than her in her position? She was seventeen when Ashley was born, living in poverty with a partner who couldn’t even remember Andrew’s name when he was a kid. Anyone would have had difficulty, let alone with these kids.
Her evils are — they’re not any deliberate action, but rather… prompted inaction. She didn’t have the emotional energy, resources or plain capability to properly parent her children, she didn’t have any solutions to their murder of Nina in a state so blatantly hostile to its underclass, she didn’t have a way to connect with Ashley and she took the money rather than fight a futile and likely suicidal battle against a corporation and its armed goons in a dystopian setting.
Ashley, notably, does not deny this.
Her sin is the one we’re all, I think, guilty of — that of not trying hard enough, that of inaction in the face of difficult tasks, of not standing up on principle because it’s just too much that day and you don’t have the spoons, you’ll do it tomorrow (no you won’t). It’s a petty, everyday kind of evil — that of not doing enough.
Is that enough to condemn her? Certainly, there’s a pretty manipulative read of her that likely has some truth to it — in the locked door in Ashley’s dream in ‘Decay’ you can discover that she has a ‘not-hatched’ tar soul — but consider that lens — the game won’t make up your mind for you, so you’ll need to choose that for yourself.
The dad is interesting in terms of negative space — but he’s mostly important in that he doesn’t matter, so I decided to not fit him in here. He has art, though — just no sprite, because, well, he’s never mattered to either sibling.
The Contract We Call Society
Right, it’s time to get a little bit Theoretical in here. Not much, but a little. Social contract theory is a complex topic with a lot of nuance, much of which I will be eliding in the name of not writing a twenty thousand word paper on semiotics, law, and anthropology, but the short analogy is… the idea that as long as you play by society’s rules, as long as you are a good citizen, a good person, the state, or the community, will take care of you.
In a number of ways, the harshest penalty levied by many historical states and legal codes was not death, but rather the criminal status of outlawry, a practice that’s cropped up a number of times in history — the practice of no longer being protected by the law. This meant one could be killed or worse with impunity — you were no longer protected by mob justice and, while overexaggerated as a term of reference, certain texts from Medieval England refer to outlaws as bearing a wolfshead, ‘for the wolf is a beast hated by all folk’. Never minding that wolves are actually delightful, this was a time when wolves were actively hunted and sold by people — and the same was intended to happen to outlaws. They were ‘fair targets’ as far as society was concerned, no longer to be treated as your fellow citizens.
This was the gravest punishment on the books, for most of these legal codes — something saved for those who had broken the social contract so completely that there could be no turning back (civil outlawry is… a bit different, that’s not the topic here). Among others, a modern critique of the concept is that it offers no incentive for improvement, no incentive to change or to cease harming society — if an outlaw has none of the social contract’s protections, what reason do they have to obey… any of the social contract? If that seems familiar, well, let me ask you this:
What if the state or community fails its end first? What responsibility does the innocent outlaw have to that contract?
It’s an interesting phrasing, that the world is better off.
It’s time to talk about the incest, and part of why it’s there. The cannibalism too, but that’s less impactful here. If you’ve seen me elsewhere, you might have seen me say that the incest is a load-bearing narrative pillar — in large part due to it being a critical facet of the siblings’ relationship, but in another large part due to it being an equally critical part of how the game uses taboo.
A taboo is in this context something that is considered repulsive and to be avoided by society. It’s a more complex term than that — you can also use it for certain sacred actions or utterances that are only permitted to certain people, for example — but that’s what it is here. Swearing, premarital sex, BDSM and murder are, approximately from weak to strong, some example taboos held in modern Anglospheric society.
Strong taboos are a staple of horror — they shock, they disgust, they draw people’s attention and it’s that last one that’s critical here. Incest is a very strong taboo — while I am absolutely not segueing into its historical context, the very well-established Westermarck effect gives it a certain timelessness and immunity to desensitisation that most other taboos don’t have — murder, to contrast, is a taboo we’re largely desensitised to in modern media and works of modern media have to put in actual work to make a murder seem horrifying — through atmosphere, cinematography, evocative prose etc.
And this is important because the use of taboo I’m covering in this essay is that the incest is used to invite judgment — it is so ingrained as a ‘wrong thing’ in people’s brains almost regardless of background that it forces the player to engage with the work morally. And that’s where the fun starts.
I’ve mentioned before, very briefly, about the juxtaposition of tone between the Burial & Decay endings, contrasting with the very monstrous difference in morality. Burial is remarkably light-hearted — they play around with the drain blockage, they joke about their mother’s personality and this is further exaggerated on the Love path, where Andrew is much more comfortable with casual contact and the two make a game out of how far they can throw their parents’ skulls, the humour is directly contrasted against their abhorrent actions.
I’ll be real Ashley is far more merciful than I, I’m shuddering at the thought of that gunk in my hair
In comparison, Decay is… bleak. I’ve seen it being referred to as being ‘emotionally sandblasted’ and, yeah I think that’s fair — it’s uncomfortable, it’s heavy and it’s just not fun. And this is the route in which, if you chose Trust into Accept, Andrew has bought into the narrative that his mother’s offered — that he can fit just fine into society if he wasn’t stuck, if not for Ashley — the route that ‘fits’ most closely to the social contract, to Andrew feeling the guilt that we think he should and hating the monsters that they’ve become, as the social contract deems them. Given the pains the game takes to attach the player to the protagonists, this normative moral ending is very easily interpreted as the bad ending.
And well, isn’t it?
Thing is, as mentioned above, the social contract has never held up its end for them. The game takes careful pains to point out to a viewer that they’ve never had the life that society promises people, so why do its moral standards apply?
The game invites you to judge the characters, and in the same motion, asks you from what principles you judge them, making a pretty good guess in that, like most people who haven’t spent a large amount of time navel-gazing and reading some very boring books by very dusty old men, they come from the society around you.
Love even has Ashley express this sentiment directly after the incestuous dream — she asks you — well, Andrew, but this is also something for the player to mull over — why this is what’s engaged your morality or sense of revulsion, rather than the desecration, cannibalism or murder.
Andrew and Ashley are both very funny and very fascinating in this scene.
And that’s the framing that it casts all of its own moral judgement in — even the ‘tar-soul’ aspect is… well, it’s unclear what it even means. Mrs. Graves was a ‘not-hatched’ tar soul, after all. Other than that, it’s society and the world being better off without them, rather than any kind of assertion of objective morality. Due to the present of ‘soul colour’, we’ll presumably see the game make some moral statements in Episode 3, but as it stands?
It’s nearly completely morally sceptical, in and of itself — it’s not interested in moral assertions or education, it’s interested in making you question your own morals. Deconstructive (not that kind), rather than dialectic, to be mildly pretentious.
It uses taboo and shock to invite moral judgement, but then uses tone, charm and our instinct to look for the happiest end for our blorbos to get you to recognise that these are principles you yourself brought into the game, rather than any it’s handed you.
To summarise: you’ve brought these principles in from society, but what do the siblings, the protagonists, the villains to the world, owe society? Enough that they should follow them? It failed them first, after all.
Closing Thoughts
This one is a bit less energetic than the last, tragically — my sleeping schedule is the stuff of nightmares recently, I love windy weather. Wait, no the opposite. Huge thank you to everyone who commented on the last one, you are the wind beneath my wings and the main reason I managed to get this out this week.
This essay is a bit more interpretative than my last one — certainly, there are alternative readings and I’ve been toying with the idea of deliberately taking a reading I don’t like very much and writing from that perspective as a demonstrative exercise recently — mostly that you shouldn’t just take my word for things!
Otherwise, if the last bit at the end seemed murky, I apologise — I did try to write a more detailed version, but firstly, it was three thousand words and secondly, I re-read it the next day and I could not understand what the fuck I was talking about. Personally, I blame Derrida — suffice to say that I strongly recommend playing through it with an eye towards considering culpability, morality and why you think certain characters are more or less forgivable than others, and for what deeds. See what you get out of it.
I managed to keep one particular thread open to wrap up with here — I try to keep speculation on Episode 3 content to a minimum in the main essays, but it should be fine here — you might have noticed that I refer to Episode 1 and Episode 2 being on something of a spectrum of justifiability, with the siblings’ actions being ‘more’ justifiable in Episode 1 and ‘less’ justifiable — but still justifiable if you try — in Episode 2.
To continue the thought of the happiest ending being the one in which they step the furthest away from common morality and to further jar the viewers’ sense of morality by contrasting societal morality and blorbo-oriented morality, Episode 3: Burial could continue this trend in having a major victim be someone who, well, has done nothing wrong and isn’t even guilty of bystander syndrome.
I wonder if there’s any good candidates, someone who’s sweet, harmless and will indisputably be an innocent victim…
…I’m sure she’ll be fine
#the coffin of andy and leyley#tcoaal#analysis#essay#ashley graves#andrew graves#mrs graves#nnnnot sure what the next topic will be#might do a deranged take on purpose#this one and the last one have been very grounded#I'll get to my asks tomorrow#probably#I've been busy sorry
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It's time for the fiend! Spoilers of course
For one, Syo here actually breaks the formula I have with these designs, Syo not really working or going out most of the time unless she's heavily disguised. However, I tried my best to ensure she was given some love! So, for her "casual" attire, it's rather simple looking. It's got some LORE though with Syo trying to reform from her murdering days and Komaru helping out in making this outfit! Most of the materials are just thrifted such as the boots with the rest being slightly modified. It holds up rather poorly and has it's flaws. However, Syo seems to like it. Toko, not so much. Toko finds it ugly, no matter how much Komaru tries to give her the puppy eyes, asking for Toko to give it a chance. I also want to take note the bracelet she has on as well as the hat. I thought it would also be cute if Komaru made her a little friendship bracelet. Toko also has one but she finds it childish to just be wearing it out an about (she's not really into much jewelry anyway). Thus, Toko just keeps it on her nightstand. Syo, however, fears nothing and has no shame. Speaking of which, the hat. I was a little lazy with the details but it is indeed one of those "Woman love me, Fish fear me" hats. Syo did the embroidery on it (Syo being oddly good with crochet and sewing) and Toko despises. And, the worst part is that Syo did an amazing job on it which makes Toko hate it even more whenever she ends up in it after Syo finishes fronting. Toko's at least a bit grateful though that Syo doesn't go out that much. Toko is already mortified waking up in the outfit. It'd be way worse to be waking up in one of the ugliest garments present in the apartment while in public. As for Syo's "work" attire, it's just Toko's attire for work with slight Syoifications (Jackifications?) made with the zipper being undone revealing a little pouch she has on, and sleaves rolled up. She even has Toko's purse worn slightly different as well! Thought it would be cute to do! Also, for the pouch, Her iconic scissors are absent, being held deep in a vault somewhere with Byakuya as a safety precaution. Syo doesn't mind too much though. For one, she knows they're safe even though she likes to joke that Byakuya's doing unspeakable things with them which he just sighs at. Additionally she's not planning on murdering anyone anymore as I feel she holds pride in her killing SPECIFICALLY with those scissors. So, she wouldn't be using any random pair. But also, her being reformed and all. Besides, the scissors being held in the care of Byakuya it's not because of the potential of Syo starting all over again with the murders anyway. It's more about the potential of the whole "Toko is Genocider Syo and is a serial killer" thing coming out and as a way of showing that Byakuya does care for Toko, aloofness or not. I like to headcanon that, though footage of the Killing game were indeed broadcasted, for one, the Future Foundation were the main people to see it. Additionally, the average civilian would probably not a bit too busy trying to save their own lives than to be keeping up with the news regarding the Ultimate's in Hopes Peak. Not saying that some of that info wouldn't be able to get out. Some of it certainly could have and added to the despair and all. As to regards on where the footage is held, it's with Future Foundation in partner with Byakuya. Perhaps a bit of Kyoko their too and a bit of Makoto as well though I feel all the survivors pitched in on having the say on what to do with it. After all, it IS the recording of all their Hopes Peak trauma, though I don't think they'd want to destroy it oddly enough. This concept of course has room to change but these are the main thoughts Plus, it's fun to think about as, with Syo in the picture in this AU, the concept of whether the people know or don't know about the whole "notorious serial killer Genocider Syo is sorta just an alter of Toko Fukawa" is something that has to be addressed to SOME extent .
For her physical build, it's just Toko's. What really changes is the undergarments anyway. Though they are not colored her, they are very much bright red, very garish. All of her undergarments are which contrasts with Toko's more frilly and pretty undergarments. One other bit to mention is Syo's hair! It's nothing too crazy, just Toko's hair out of the pony tail and ruffled to high hell! Syo makes it work though.
That's Syo done! Hope I did her justice! Tried my best ;-; (1) | (6)
#danganronpa#danganronpa art#danganronpa fanart#danganronpa au#danganronpa spoilers#thh spoilers#spoiler warning#genocide jack#genocider syo#also did not plan to yap this much about syo ngl. just planned on talking about the au idea with her clothes being from komaru#nothing else planned. but then i just kept going about some other stuff and now i had to scrap by on not going over the word count!#i'm happy with this outcome though. really went and exercised my brain with all of these thoughts#as for who's up next. they might be done by tomorrow instead of me just going and taking a day or two with Syo when she was almost done#though there was a lot of me going back and doing edits after the fact. like that hat. was not planned. just got a revelation for that#her goofy snapback hat is probably one of my favorite parts of syo's “casual” attire though. it's so goofy and dumb and i love it#also i really do hope i did syo justice. like if any syo enthusiasts want to rip apart my design go right ahead! i'll understand u_u
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You know it's the holidays when it's 3 AM and I have cookies in the oven, and as soon as those are done I'll start baking the next batch, whose dough is currently waiting in the fridge
And I haven't even started the festive butter cookies yet
#tbh i will probably do the festive butters on Monday#i do have to get up for sunday family brunch at some point tomorrow#and some friends are swinging by to pick something up between noon and one so i have to have that ready#so! once the next 3 dozen are done i'll be calling it a night#mod post#baking#christmas
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staaaaares off into the void
#officially spiraling again 🙃#bad thoughts everywhere about my inability to be a human and fear of that never changing#everyone around me can make it work can have lives can hold jobs and not want to kill themselves#why can't i lmfoafksjdhfs#um. yeah. idk. i have counselling on tuesday i think so i'm tryin to just hold on til then#but i'm also out of my antidepressants and the pharmacy has gone over the max 72 hrs without an update on my renewal request#had to take half my dose today so i have half for tomorrow too#so i'm probably gonna feel even worse for the next couple days 🙃🙃🙃#gonna look at doing some writing to distract myself + focus on good things#but i promise nothing idk how it's gonna go#and i'll probably be quiet when it comes to dms even though i just started catching up#bc being social just sounds like too much for me to handle today. sorry ;n;#i'll be fine!!!! promise i'm not like. Planning anything. just needed to vent a little#and as always i feel the need to explain my absence from dms bc god forbid someone misunderstand me that's apparently one of my worst fears#and deepest traumas lmaooooooooo... fuck#sorry. SORRY. sorry for the negative crying on the dash i just genuinely don't have anywhere else to spew it until tuesday (':#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don't @ me.#suicidal ideation cw#personal cw#vent cw#negative cw
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I just found so many new Gladiator stills :D I'm always like "oh I've seen every picture of Maximus the internet has to offer" and then SIKE here's 30 more from slightly different angles
#and i'm going to post them one at a time once every day for the next 30 years#because that's probably how long it will take#sorry for doing things in the most annoying possible way everyone#it's just the way i must live my life#this blog is basically “maximus picture of the day”#and that's the way i want it#this is his shrine and i'm the caretaker#lighting candles in his memory lovingly caressing his photos etc#hehehehe these are such interesting pictures too#unique and insightful#ANALYSIS I LOVE IT#i'll start with one tomorrow hehehe#i also found a bunch of cort ben and alex!!!#gladiator#text posts#maximus#maximus decimus meridius#gladiator 2000#russell crowe
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Graduation exam tomorrow, guys if I survive this I'll be the most carefree person on earth for the next 2 years
#2 years bc that's when I'll hopefully have my master's graduation#but if I manage to do the interpretation specialisation then that one will only have an interpretation exam#nothing to study#starting from tomorrow I will binge read everything on my tbr list that I couldn't because of the constant lit classes#in fist year I made the foolish mistake of going for Russian specialisation instead of having a minor in another language/culture#which means I had like three times as many lit classes as everyone else#so I really didn't have like any time at all to read for fun#oh btw! I'm looking for YA fantasy books in Russian#by Russian authors#(for my sneaky little long term plans of doing and publishing literature translation)#so if any of y'all have anything to recommend please do!!! my asks and dms are always open#or you can just comment#so far I've picked out руки полные пепла by this author who just publishes under the name мэй#gonna order next week probably#ramblings
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dhshchwhjfhe if you saw that summary before I deleted it SORRY I just realized something and decided it's better to wait and post that one tomorrow xhahxjqjdhd it's STUPID but I think it plays out better if I post them every other day this week leading up to the ceremony
#ooc#tbd#so its not so overwhelming to post one every day#but also#the next one after this is the last one I want to post /before/ the ceremony happens in canon#so#I'll post 55 tomorrow#and then 56 on friday#and then 57 on Sunday#so that the things that happen in that chapter aren't spoiled before they happen in tl canon#and then i'll probably actually do 58 and 59 back to back#bc they're very heavy and very important#57 will also probably be a 2 part summary again#there's a LOT that happens in it#fuckkk#looking at them now#58 and 59 are going to be real hard to cut down and summarize too#they're just#really really good and important and#heartbreaking
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help me my mom is shipping me with some random chinese man whom i helped buying tickets
#it's crazy. knowing english and helping random foreigners is my passion#also so many things happening. i should write that fucking article when i get home lmfao#if my laptop wont fail me (i think she's fine now????? hopefully????)#but also like. I'll get to that tomorrow probably.#you know what i wanna do? if my laptop wont fail me i wanna play my fuckin game lmao#but idk if i should or if i will have time when i get home etc etc#also one more thing i look so freaking ugly in biometric photos im gonna sjjsnsndhdhfhhf#anyway if it works out i will have another photo next year so im trying not to let it get to me lmao#alsoooo just yesterday got accepted by a school in finland and today got a reply from one in germany#and they want me to take an exam in july lmao???? girl how tf will i get a visa etc with that timeline#anyway. ughhhhhh so many things happening etc#i wonder how my next months will be like. ok bys#bye*#🗒
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can you even belieeeeeve that i am almost done w the buttonband on jake's sweater. then in its just one more sleeve and done babey!!!!
#well weave in ends then done babey!!!!!#it still probably wont be done by tomorrow. but honestly if i pushed really hard and knitted until work today and until the party tmrw#then i could probably finish it at the expense of my hands#after i finish this i shall make some hand warmers for jake's mom and then i think i will crochet a pillow cover for his brother#and then i will see if jake's mom likes the color of yarn i have for a shawl and if she does make her a shawl#if she doesnt ill make a shawl for me and order a color she DOES like to make her one#and when i order yarn i will probably get enough to make myself another pullover sweater and a cardigan of my own.#and if im brave i'll ask jake's mom and brother if they like the kind of yarn i made his cardigan out of and then commit to eventually makin#g matching sweaters for the 4 of us.#i need to figure out next year's knitting plans/queue in detail.....i still want to make myself a black sweater vest and need to finish my#second silk t shirt. and i do want to make another lightweight sweater for fall next year#we shall see w grad school starting in january...#t
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#roger daltrey#walking the dog#ride a rock horse video album#russ ballard#1975#aaaaaa russ doing that little dance with the guitar in front of the drummer#i wish i could see more than just the back of his arm#but he's so cute please#AAAAAA NEVERMINID THERE HE IS#russ you're so beautiful i love you so much#dfghsdg the dance they're all doing actually#love it#later edit: okay i'm going to sleep#i have one more set from this i'll post tomorrow#and then#i have to make the next one after that still#(iwill probably be reblogging stuff on my dash before i actually sleep though like i normally do)
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I'm so nervous about writing an essay for the first time in two years. What if I do horribly 💀
#logically I think it'd be highly unlikely that I would do badly enough to not pass#and this is just one free standing class so the grade I get isn't actually that important#failing would be bad though because it would complicate things with students benefits next time I apply lol#but I don't actually feel much pressure to get an A or anything#but I'm still nervous because it's been a while since I've written academically#and I've always been better at doing in in english than swedish so that's another thing#(probably partially because I have more practice writing in english) (so I guess it's good for me to practice doing it in swedish)#anyways yeah. I've never written an essay that was anywhere close to getting an F#so even if this is higher level and I'm a bit rusty I don't really think it's likely that I'll fail#but I'm still nervous#I also know I won't get started until next week because of the taylor shows but I'll still have 10 days so it should be fine#I mean I'll probably take a look at some stuff tomorrow but yeah#personal
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Freed from the chains of academic misery just to immediately be thrown into the dungeon of a Full time position
#lord help me#i mean I've been working overtime a lot so it's better to have some more hours I'll actually get paid for#but goood i already feel drained#(starting next week/month (tomorrow's a holiday so at least i get a 3 day weekend before that))#((although i will probably have to do some work over the weekend because i need to prepare some stuff for the new hires#who i have to train#and also we have our print deadline next monday (so i mean. the monday after next week? idk)#and our medical advisor IS ON VACATION until November 14th#HELLO??? i don't wanna complain about her taking her well deserved time off but like. a little heads up would have been nice#now i have to find another suitable person to do the certification of that one article#and we have less than a week?#god i hate next week#i swear we Just did this#and heaven help me find some interesting urology news or the newsletter will crash and burn#sorry#got carried away#void screams#work stuff
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Actually it was surreal as hell to look at my transcript today. I've got all but 3 classes done or in WIP. I'd have to Severely fuck up to fail any of my classes this semester, by this point. Which I don't think will happen. Honestly I might even get straight A's for the first time in college. Which would be cool!!!
So just three classes left. Just three. It's so wild. I'm pretty excited.
#speculation nation#for the first time i actually glanced at the 'apply for graduation' option#to graduate at the end of spring id have to apply by sometime in february.#idk i'll bring it up with the advisor tomorrow. make sure im actually good to graduate with these 3 classes.#part of the problem is the fact that i didnt see the classes i have to take 2 of on the offered list#which makes me nervous about whether theyre even available next semester. and what id have to do to take them.#alternative options? or *waiting*? thatd be even worse. so im not sure yet.#the other thing is that my major started requiring students to take an internship in order to graduate#but since ive taken a long ass time my index year aka when k started doesnt have that as a requirement.#at least that's what my last advisor said :p so im nervous about if this new one says differently.#an internship would certainly be useful for getting work experience and resume padding#but i never wanted to before bcus i needed to work my job. that paid me Money. unlike the probable internship.#and also i dont have my license and i DEFINITELY dont want to TRAVEL. what would i do with my cats#?????#so i havent done an internship. and i dont intend to. but if he says it's actually required then id have to work to get one over summer#etc etc. then graduation would be delayed.#i really really hope it doesnt turn out like that. i really Really want to just be done already. by the end of spring.#spring 25 give it up for graduating spring 25#i was originally class of 19 lol but i like 25 better. in terms of numbers.#class of 15 for high school and 25 for college... yes#and YEAH it's taken me 10 years😭😭😭😭 thats why i dont want it to take any longer 😭😭😭😭 im so close i just wanna be DONE WITH IT!!!!!!#so fucking close i can taste it. im halfway done with my current semester too. So Fucking Close...
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What a good episode. Maaaaaan
#I can't even start I'd be here forever#It did take me in fact like one hour total to watch it lmoa. It sooooo good!!! The animation is very good#(albeit it's awfully low on brightness at times. But such seems to be the sin of lot of recent media unfortunately)#but I'm not even going to dwell on that. The plot / storytelling is so good. Sooooo god. I adore this arc.#Love the symbolism. I've been saying this for almost two years now (is it really been that long ever since these episodes came out... ) but#I want to write an analysis on the op & ed so baddd. The emphasis on the twilight this episode!!#Like the sun was setting on the detective agency. I love love love the hd. They're so cool in this episode and they're so cool in general.#I ADORE Jouno. I don't feel particularly strongly for sue/giku yet their scenes are so cute and funny. I see why people ship them.#Even Tetchou I don't usually care much about is so !!!!! I love all the hd so much fr!!!!!!!!!!#I love love love Jouno. Like much like it is for Akutagawa I'm very weak for characters that aren't really good people.#But they're still trying to be a better person than they were. And oftentimes they end up doing a terrible job!!#But the fact alone that they're //trying// has me ougheueueueu. Here in this episode you can see Jouno–#sliping very easily in his cruel / sadistic habits. But he is trying to be a person that cares for others! He made good actions in the past#and he will again in the future even though right now he's acting like this! Because improvement isn't linear! I love him tonsss#And DON'T get me started on the ada. Yosano's “Welcome” scene. I love women. I love women. Yosano please one chance#KENJI'S SCENE God I needed this. How could I forget the way this literllyyyyy rewinded my brain when I read the manga for the first time.#That scene is so deep and poignant and so so meaningful I. Oughhh#I am going to run out of tags am I not#Kyouka saving Atsushi!!!!!!! That scene is one of my all time favourites. It makes me soft to remember when the s4 trailer dropped–#I was so overjoyed for that bit of them holding hands :') Rightfully so!!! It's so cute.#Her coming back to save Atsushi. The “don't worry– I didn't kill them” direct towards Atsushi–#that is so so Akutagawa and it sends me insane hhhhhhgggggggggg#Kunikida!!!!! His “I'm not leaving anyone behind”!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm not precisely Kunikida's first fan but aaaaaahhh he makes me feel–#so much for him in this scene!!!!! Mmmhhh one last note would be. It bugs me a little how the ada is defined terrorist by the military–#forces starting this episode? I don't have space to elaborate properly but. An action to be considered terrorism must have clear political–#orientation and goal. Violence alone isn't enought to be defined terrorism. It's an incorrect use of the word#Up to the next episode!!! Can't wait to see more Atsushi 🥰🥰#random rambles#It's late now and probably most are asleep rn... Then I'll be queing my posts for tomorrow probably
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truly nothing like the girl i had a crush on in college (and in two separate conversations i suspected it might be mutual) posting from the beaches concert that leandra is an icon and also i found out s few days ago she and her bf just broke up
#what do i DO#in case it's not clear talking about leandra means she is in fact bi this is akin to drunk girl from party posting about chappell#(gayer actually bc everyone's loving chappel now)#the answer is that i like the leandra post and do nothing else and i wait longer than i did w my ex after her breakup#(though i was still waiting she's the one who started things) but regardless. going insane here !!!!!!#shes a tattoo artist now and she did one of mine and i had some completely unfounded hopes for that day until i found out about the bf#but now that it's over...............#vie#fuck it her name is dani her tattoo account is dose.of.dot#wait i actually am coincidentally about to make the slightest move bc my next ig post of my scrapbooking style photo dump catch up includes#the day i got the tattoo and i'll be tagging her#open to ideas to makey caption the slightest bit flirty somehow?? probably wont do it#it was going to be 'november 2022: new tattoo by @dose.of.dot 🖤 and uoft engineering tour with matt (he starts this fall!'#i was deciding between the heart and 🌿 bc the tattoo is literally that but the black heart is kind of her thing#wait. i just went on her ig again and we have the same favourite emoji it seems bc she has her name as Dani✨ and i changed mine bc i was#annoyed that john associated it w me but mine used to be sierra✨#........i think im gonna change it back it's not obvious enough that she'd think it's weird right? it literally used to be that for ages#im doing it#ok i did it and i'll make the post tomorrow and that's all
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making a better icon on shuffles :)
i keep messing up ugh
#gonna make a new banner next too#im gonna do what hyacinthus did for their name#i have a few picked out but i dunno which one i wanna do#so i'll probably make a poll for tomorrow#book nonsie not anon
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