#I'll be taking my next one either tomorrow night or Thursday morning so i need to survive that long

[conidiophore]

Intentionally fucked up my hormone schedule (put off my shot for a few days bc of travel reasons) and my body is so blehhhh. I feel drained. My life force has been extracted.

[cutedisneygirl]

Love Online Chapter 2

Here is the next part of my story. Sorry it has taken me so long to get this up. I will work on a masterlist when I can.

Authors note-warning there is a sad part in this. Don't want to give anything away but it's animal related. The next few days pass quickly. Merida post a picture of her lady everyday on Instagram. She spends her days at work with her kids and her nights at home either watching a Chris Evans movie or reading her favorite book. Thursday evening, she takes Lady for a walk. It's a nice spring day and they end up at the park.

"Lady, its such a nice day." Merida says sitting down in the grass looking out at the mountains in the distance. She picks up some flowers and starts playing with them intertwining them together. Then she puts them on lady.

"Look at you, my queen lady."

She takes a picture and puts it on Instagram.

Disneydoggrl83❤️ We went for a walk and then I made her a crown of flowers. My queen lady!

Merida and Lady head home and after feeding lady, Merida grabs her some dinner and sits down on the couch and watches the movie Nanny Dairies. She also gets on Instagram and looks. She has several likes on her photo. Then she notices one of them.

                                                                                            Likes

Chris Evans liked her photo. She couldn't believe it. She calls Tiffany.

"Hey girl! What's up?"

"OMG girl! Chris Evans just liked my photo!"

"Your kidding!"

"No! He liked it! He liked my photo! OMG!"

"Let me look."

There is a brief pause then Merida hears Tiffany scream. "OMG! He did! Wow girl! I can't believe it! You are lucky. Chris doesn't comment or like any posts of fans!"

"I know! I can't believe it!"

"Well hey I need to go. I will see you tomorrow. I will plan to there around 5:00. I will bring the pizza."

"Okay sounds good!"

The girls hang up and Merida finishes her movie then gets ready for bed and climbs under the covers and is soon fast asleep.

The next day Merida heads to work and the day goes by slow. She is so excited about the weekend with Tiffany. She can't wait for the day to end. Finally it's the end of the day. Her last kid leaves and she cleans her room then heads home. Lady greets her.

"Hey girl! Miss me? I'll feed you hang on."

Merida puts her stuff away then pours food into Lady's bowl then she heads to her room and changes into her pjs. She heads into the living room when her phone goes off.

Tiffany-Leaving now. Have the pizza! Heading your way.

Merida- Okay see you soon!

A few minutes later there is a knock on the door. Merida opens the door and Tiffany is there holding a pizza.

"Hey girl! Come in."

"Where do you want this?"

"You can put it on the coffee table. I already have the plates and our drinks there. I also have our movies out."

"Are they all Chris Evans movies?"

"No. Only a few. I have Disney as well."

"Cool. Anything else from Chris?"

"Nope."

The girls put pizza on their plates.

"What movie do you want to watch first?" Merida asks.

"How about Captain America, the first Avenger? "

"That's what I was thinking."

Merida pops the movie in then sits on the couch next to Tiffany. Lady hops on the couch next Merida.

"Don't even ask. You are not getting Pizza. I already fed you."

Lady lays down next to Merida on the couch. The girls eat their pizza and watch the movie. They spend the next several hours watching movies. They watch Gifted, Nanny Dairies and then The Little Mermaid. The girls stay up late watching several more Disney movies before they finally both head to bed. They sleep in the same room.

The next morning Merida wakes up and puts on some sweat pants and a t-shirt and takes Lady for a walk. It is a nice morning and Merida enjoys the walk looking at all the flowers and the mountains in the distance. Then all of sudden Lady pulls away from her and runs off in front of her.

"Lady come back here!"

Lady kept on running and then crossed the road. Then a car speed by and hit Lady.

"Lady!"

Merida ran to the road and Lady was lying in the road.

"Lady! My girl. No!"

The car was gone. Some people came and stood with her.

"I'm sorry. I saw what happened, but I wasn't able to get here in time." A man said.

"I don't know what happened. She never runs away from me like that. That car came out of nowhere."

"I wish there was something I could do. Can I help you carry her to your house?"

"Thanks. I don't live that far."

The man picks up lady and follows Merida to her house. Merida opens her door and the man follows her in.

"You can just put her on the couch. Thanks."

"Your welcome. Again, I'm sorry."

Then the man left. Tiffany then walked into the room.

"Merida, what happened?"

"Lady was hit by a car."

"What! OMG. I'm sorry."

"I don't know what happened. She ran off from me. I called her but she wouldn't stop! She has never done that before!"

"Why did she run off?"

"I don't know. Like I said she has never done that before."

"How about I fix some breakfast?"

"Sure, thanks," Merida says sitting on the couch next to Lady.

A few minutes later Tiffany brings two plates of eggs, bacon and toast and sits down next Merida.

"Thanks," she says taking the plate from her.

"I was planning on leaving tonight, but I'll stay through tomorrow. I brought extra clothes."

"Thanks girl. I don't want to be alone right now."

"I understand. Are you going to bury her?"

"Yes. I was thinking in the backyard under that large Cherry blossom tree."

"That sounds perfect. I can help you if you want."

"Sure thanks."

"Whenever your ready. I will help you clean up."

Tiffany grabs their plates and carries them to the kitchen. Merida follows her carrying the glasses. After washing the dishes and glasses Tiffany looks at Merida.

"Are you ready now?"

"I guess."

"I will go help you dig a hole then if you want me to carry her I will."

"I can carry her."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

Tiffany heads into the back yard through the glass doors and begins digging the hole. When she has the hole big enough under the Cherry blossom tree she comes back in to get Merida.

"Its ready if you are."

Merida picks up Lady and follows Tiffany outside. Merida gently places Lady in.

"Do you want to say anything?"

"No," Merida says beginning to cry.

Tiffany hugs her and says, "Lady was a sweet girl, loved by all. She will never be forgotten." Tiffany then covers her up.

"Why don't go in a watch a movie, watch something funny."

"Okay."

The girls head in and Tiffany looks through Merida's movie collection. Then pulls out Bride Wars. "How about this?" she asks holding it up.

"Sure."

The girls sit on the couch together and watch the movie. Tiffany knows how much Merida is hurting. She looks over at her and sees she is crying. Merida scrolls on Instagram and sees a post from Chris.

My brother snuck and took this pic when Dodger and I were taking a nap. Merida begins to cry hard.

"Oh Merida. I wish there was something I could do."

"Chris has his dog! He gets to snuggle with him. I can't snuggle Lady ever again!" She cries setting her phone down.

Tiffany looks down and sees the pic.

"Aww what a cute pic."

"Yeah."

Tiffany tried to cheer up Merida but no matter what she tried nothing worked. They watched several funny movies but nothing worked. Finally, at 12 am Tiffany stood up.

"Well, I'm heading to bed. Are you coming?"

"Coming."

Merida and Tiffany got ready for bed and climbed in.

"Goodnight girl. Love ya."

"Love you too."

Tiffany rolled over and went to sleep. Merida rolled over and tried to sleep. She tossed and turned but she couldn't sleep. She kept thinking about Lady and not being able to snuggle her ever again or see her when she got home from work. She grabbed her phone and got on pic collage and created some photos then posted them on Instagram.

Disneydoggrl83❤️

I lost my girl yesterday! I can't stop crying. She was hit by a car. I took her for a walk and she ran away from me and when I called she didn't come back and was hit! Here are some pics of her.

Merida then put her phone down and tried to go to sleep once again. She was finally able to close her eyes and sleep. The next morning she awoke to the smell of pancakes and bacon. She climbed out of bed and headed into the kitchen.

"Thanks for breakfast. You didn't have to do this."

"I know. But I wanted to. I saw your post on Instagram. Those are some cute pics of later. I also saw that Chris liked it."

"What! He did?"

"Yep. He put a sad face too!"

"What!"

Just then Merida's phone goes off. She looks down at it and sees a message.

"I have an Instagram message."

"From who?"

"It says Captaindork and has a face picture of captain America."

"What!" Tiffany exclaims and grabs her phone.

"What does it say?" Merida asks

Tiffany opens the message. Authors note- this is what the profile looks like with the name and pick. I won't post this every time. This just shows you what it looked like.

Captaindork- I saw your post on Instagram and wanted to send you a message and say how sorry I am for your loss. Its always hard losing a pet.

"That is so sweet!" Merida says.

"Who is it?"

"I don't know. I'll ask."

Disneydoggrl83❤️Thanks. Who are you? Do I know you? I have never seen your profile before.

Captaindork-I am new to Instgram and came across your profile, well actually this profile is new. You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you who I really was. 😉

"OMG!"

"What?"

"Look what they said,"Merida says holding her phone out so Tiffany can see.

"Who is it? Ask."

Disneydoggrl83❤️Who are you? Why wouldn't I believe you?

Captaindork- 😊because who would believe if they were told that THE Captain America messaged them 😉

"OMG!" Merida screamed.

"What? What they say?"

Merida showed her the phone.

"NO way! They are fooling you. It's a scam. Don't believe it! Chris Evans would never message someone!"

Disneydoggrl83❤️So your saying you are Chris Evans?

Captaindork- 😊maybe (wink face)

Disneydoggrl83❤️My friend says it's a scam. That Chris Evans would not message a fan. And why this profile?

Captaindork- well I can't message from my main profile so I created this one so I could message you. I know that may sound strange, but I just had to tell you how sorry I was for your loss. I could tell from your post how hurt you were and so I wanted to send you a message.

Disneydoggrl83❤️well that's sweet thanks. And I want to believe you but I'm sorry I have a hard time since actors don't message fans. 😊

Captaindork- I understand. And yes you are right. We don't normally do that. But like I said I just wanted to send you a message. Hope that's okay.

Disneydoggrl83❤️yes its okay. Thanks again. 😊

"What is he saying?"

Merida shows Tiffany the conversation.

"Wow! I still don't by it. Be careful. You never know about people sometimes. They could try and do something or get you do something."

"Don't worry. I will be. And who knows I probably won't ever talk to them again."

The girls clean up from breakfast and then watch some movies then decide to go to the park for a walk. They go out for some lunch and end up ordering take out Chinese for dinner and watch some movies, some Chris Evans and some Disney. The girls head to bed early and the next morning Merida is awoken by her phone. She takes it off the bedside table and sees a message from the one who says he is Chris Evans.

Captaindork- Good morning! Hope you slept well. Found this and had to send it to you.

Merida laughs and sends back.

Disneydoggrl83❤️LOL I like that. I do love Disney!

Captaindork-yes I know. I did see that on your profile. What is your favorite Disney movie?

Disneydoggrl83❤️Lady and the Tramp and Robin Hood

Captaindork-I love Robin Hood. Lady and the Tramp is good too.

Disneydoggrl83❤️ 😊and to answer your question, I slept okay. Thanks for asking. Hope you did.

Captaindork-yes I was sleeping well until my dog woke me up licking my face.

Disneydoggrl83❤️Awww. Lady use to do that sometimes.

Captaindork- 😢sorry.

Disneydoggrl83 ❤️Its okay. Im sure it was funny, well sort of.

Catptaindork-Yes it was. I got a pic. I can show you. It also got posted on Instagram on my main account.

Disneydoggrl83❤️ 😊sure I'd love to see

Captaindork-

It's not a great pic but hey its hard to take a pic when your dog is licking you.

Disneydoggrl83❤️lol aww that's cute! He is cute.

Captaindork- Thanks. He's a good dog. He hates it when I am gone for a long period of time.

Disneydoggrl83❤️I bet he does. Lady use to hate when I was gone all day to work.

Captaindork-What is it that you do?

Disneydoggrl83❤️I am a toddler teacher at a daycare.

Captaindork-Oh nice. So you like kids?

Disneydoggrl83❤️I love kids! I hope to one day be a kindergarten teacher. I am working on getting my degree. I am in my first year of college.

Captaindork-That's great! Good luck with that.

Disneydoggrl83❤️Thanks. I am dreading when I have to take math. I am putting that off as long as I can.

Captaindork-Why is that?

Disneydoggrl83❤️I hate math! It is my worst subject

Captaindork-lol! Understand. I don't mind it so much.

"Who are you texting?" Tiffany asked rolling over

"Chris."

"The one from last night?"

"Yes. He sent me a message this morning. See." Merida says showing her the conversation.

"Mmmm, wow. I still says he's playing you and its not really him. Be careful girl."

"Don't worry I will be. Want some breakfast? I can fix something."

"Sure. Are you going to church this morning?"

"No, I don't feel like."

"Understand. Why don't we just spend the time reading together? We could pick a passage and read it and talk about it."

"Sounds good. I'll go see what I can find to fix."

Merida walks into the kitchen and sends a quick message to Chris.

Disneydoggrl83❤️I need to go. Going to fix breakfast for me and my friend. I enjoyed talking to you this morning.

Captaindork-Sure and I enjoyed talking to you as well. Have fun with your friend. Is this the same friend who doesn't believe that I am THE Chris Evans?

Disneydoggrl83❤️LOL yes. And thanks.

Captaindork-😊well fun. Hope you have a good day.

Merida looked through the cabinet and found some pancake mix. She decided to make pancakes. Just as she was taking up the first few Tiffany walked into the kitchen.

"that Captaindork followed you on Instagram."

"He did?"

"Yes." Merida got on Instagram and looked and sure enough he had followed her. She followed him back and she saw the post that he had told her that he had posted on his main account!

I was awoken this morning to Dodger licking my face!

Merida laughs.

Disneydoggrl83❤️liked Awww! I remember lady used to do that sometimes. Especially when she wanted to eat or go for a walk.

"What is it?"

             "The post on Chris's page." She says showing her.

              "Aww! That is sweet! So did you want to read a few verses?"

             "We can. I will help you clean up then we can."

             "Sounds good."

The girls clean up the kitchen and then sit down on the couch with their Bibles.

They read John 14:1 which says "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms, if it were not so. I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you."  and they read Romans 8: 28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." And the last verse they read was Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."

            "So, these verses seem to have the same thing in common." Tiffany says.

            "Yes. That we need to trust God. I know God has a reason for everything. I know I will get through this, but its hard. Lady was everything to me."

            "I know she was. But it will be okay. You will get through this. Just think about what all God has done for you."

            "Yes, I know. He has done a lot. I have a job. I am working on getting my teaching license."

            "Yes. You are in your first year right and aren't you almost done with this semester? Your first semester or is your second semester?"

            "My first semester. And yes I am almost done."

             "That's great. How much longer do you have till this semester is over?"

               "It is over in two more weeks."

               "Oh, so you don't have much longer at all."

              "No. I am dreading my exam."

              "I'm sure you will be fine. Well I should probably get going. I need to do some laundry so I have clothes for the week. Call me if you need me alright?"

               "Thanks. I will. I'll be fine."

Tiffany stands up and Merida stands up as well. They hug each other. "Also let me know if you hear anymore from Captaindork."

Merida laughs. "I will."

Tiffany leaves and Merida sits back down on the couch. She pops in Robin Hood and watches while she scrolls through Instagram. She sees a post from Chris.

Dodger telling me it's time for a walk. I guess I'm done working for now!

Disneydoggrl83❤️ Liked

Merida finished watching her movie then decided to go for a walk to clear her head. It was hard going without Lady. But she enjoyed getting out and seeing the mountains. Walking always helped her, but right now all she could think about was not having Lady with her. She missed her. When she got back to her house it was dinner time. She realized she had missed lunch. She decided to eat the left over pizza. She ate then cleaned up and got ready for bed. After taking out her contacts, washing her face, brushing her teeth and changing into her pjs she climbed into bed. She read a little, but couldn't focus on what she was reading. She got on Instagram once again but didn't see anything new. She put her phone beside her on the table after making sure her alarm was set then she closed her eyes and went to sleep.

[thoughtsofnowandagain]

23 feb 2023

I'm on the verge of tears and it's so stupid. I feel misunderstood and unheard. It's 11:45pm on a thursday. It's friday tomorrow, sam's day off. I have a bridal trial tomorrow morning at 11. Before that, I have to make teas and coffees for me and sam- a friday tradition, I also have to take the ring doorbell off and reconnect it to the wifi- an absolute ballache of a job that I've put off since tuesday but I have to do this because I won't be able to hear the doorbell when I'm in the cabin.

After the trial, I'll also have to sort out lunch which will probably be Maccies because I'd like to go to the sunbeds- very bad I know, but is 8 minutes in a controlled environment better than hours on a beach with an unknown amount of harmful rays? After that, I need to go to my mums and pick up a bag that I'd like to wear- it's a tiny DKNY backpack. THEN, go to the shops and pick up bits for tomorrow's breakfast.

From there, I'd like to go to my friends house and pick up a curler that she borrowed. I need this for the next day but maybe I can do without it.

So yeah, I already have a busy day ahead running errands, and also looking after this man child of a boyfriend. OH and I have to be home for 4pm because I have a client in at 4:30pm in the cabin.

So it's a stressful day ahead. It's also Meg's hen do the day after and I'm picking her up at about 10:30, getting her back to mine for 11am, spend two hours to get her ready- no time to do myself so I'll have to get ready before I pick her up which takes me an hour and a half so I'l have to get ready at 8 be done by 9:30 and be in the car for 10. latest.

As if that wasn't enough to drive me to tears, Sam has said at 11:45pm, that we're going to spoons with 3 of his friends. One of which is a girlfriend and sam does the typical 'she's only going because you're going' ...excuse me? At what point did I say I'm going?? But now, I can't say no because of that insufferable desire to be liked. Old habits die hard, I guess.

So now I have to go to spoons for 'a bit of food and a couple drinks' at 6:30 tomorrow. Which means I have an hour max to get myself presentable. I'll have to wash my hair and airwrap it, that takes me about an hour itself. I also need to do my makeup which granted can only take me 5 minutes. And I need to figure out what to wear. I can save time by finding something to wear now, at 12:01am but I'm too overwhelmed by my schedule to do that right now.

Also the hair washing fucks me off. I'll have to wash my hair at 5pm instead of 10pm like I had planned. This wouldn't be an issue except those 5 hours really do make a difference. nI have oily hair so if I wash it too early, even 5 hours early, it's not going to make Saturday all day which is why I want to wash my hair as late as possible. I have lah extensions on too. Right now it's been 10 days since my last infill, these russian fans are coming out so quick. I'll wash my face tonight, lashes fall out. I have to wear makeup for this bridal trial tomorrow, so when I wash my face to go to bastard spoons, lashes will fall out. Then when I wash my face after spoons, LASHES WILL FALL OUT AND THEY WONT MAKE IT TO SATURDAY. And chances are I'll have to wash my hair again that night because they all fucking smoke so I either sit on a big ass table by myself on a Friday night in a busy pub in my hometown full of my old classmates, or stand outside in the freezing cold while my freshly washed hair marinates in that disgusting tobacco smoke mixed with some tutti fruiti vape bull shit. Fuck I miss drugs. Drugs are very very bad and a very slippery slope for me but at least they were odourless.

That's fine, sam says I don't have to go. Oh well actually he says 'Well don't go then!' after I huffed and puffed about how it's not fair that he's just signed me up for this. So lets explore that option.

If I don't go, I'll probably still have to take sam to spoons and pick him up which I can't be fucked to do cos if I do that I might as well fucking stay. If I don't play my signature role of taxi man, sam will stay out much much later. 'No I'll be home by 10' An absolute lie that he's told over and over again. There is no chance because 2 of those friends are boyfriend and girlfriend so they'll dip real early. That leave Sam and his 1 friend who is going through another dark patch because his girlfriend left him and he'll 'die alone' Cue a very unsupportive get-a-grip eyeroll. I'm a big advocate for mental health (especially considering my own very apparent fucked mental health) but I mean dude, this happens all the time, and he seems to find the younger weird unsociable girls. This one? Never heard a fucking peep out of her. Actually I didn't hear anything out of the other ones either tbf.

Anyways, his friends mum won't pick him up until 12am, and she'll be the one taking Sam home. Theres an option for sam to say 'ah I got to be home early' to his friend but he wont. He'll stay with his friend until 12am because he can't say no to anyone (except me, in fact that's all he says to me these days) I'll be at home, probably not eating dinner, clean hair and waiting for him to come home like a dog. I don't sleep well when he's not here.

I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Saturday is the Hen Do which I've obviously taken lead on, it's literally 12 hours of wearing the 'preppy excited I'm- not- tired' mask and my social battery is very easily drained and it's recharge time is more than insufficient.

So to conclude...

Don't Go:

-FOMO

-Won't sleep until sam strolls home at an ungodly hour when I have an even bigger day coming

-Will have clean hair

-Don't need to figure out an outfit

-Don't need to play pretend and make conversation. Conversation that I can't even hear by the way, it's so fucking loud in spoons.

Go:

-Lashes won't last

-Hair will be fucked

-Have to find an outfit

-Very high stress end to a very high stress day

-Very tight timing schedule

-Lose a few years worth of hearing because it's so loud

-Risk seeing people from school, so you have to look good

-Spend money that you for sure do not have

Honestly, fuck it. I don't want to fucking go. /but then I'll be letting people down. If I don't go this time, it might mean they won't invite me ever again because why invite her? she always says no anyway.

Ideally, it would be best if Sam doesn't sign me up to these in the first place. All he needs to do tomorrow is play his fucking games, poo pick, shower with his 14 in 1, and go to spoons. He wouldn't even need to do the laundry because I've either done it or he's got enough to last him a few days. Which means I'll get the 'please can you put the washing in while I'm at work?' which kind of translates to me 'I work full time, you do housework okay?'

...No, not okay. but you weren't really asking me anyway.

[whattheresidentdidtoday]

11/5/21 - Your Name Is In Red Underline

Yeah, I did a T-Swift reference, so what?

So, remember Emelio? All suave, Spanish/Italian looking guy, curly hair and dark eyes, deceptively nice guy? Yeah...let me tell you about him.

Warning: this is a vent post. Proceed at risk of catching my angry mood

So way back in August when I interviewed for this position, I told the dining room manager, Destany, that the only day I for sure needed off was Wednesdays, because of a prior standing commitment. She was ok with that, and ever since I've never been scheduled for that day.

Early October, I put in an official request for one day of unpaid time off for this coming Saturday the 13th. I have a family wedding to attend, and I don't know how long visiting will go on afterwards, and don't really feel like continuously checking my watch and hustling family along and out the door so I can get to work on time, nor do I feel like getting gussied up all nice and then having to take it all off just to go schlep food. Like I told a friend I vented to, I want to feel pretty that day, not like a food dispenser. Anyway, the day off was approved and I even got verbal confirmation of it from Destany when I was there filling in for a lunch shift a few weeks ago.

Now, to Emelio. He's new, and has the position of dining room manager, and apparently Destany is now dining room supervisor. So he's the one doing scheduling now. I went to look at next week's schedule tonight and whaddya know, I have Tuesday and Thursday off, and I'm scheduled for Wednesday and Saturday night shift!! The two days I'm supposed to have off!!

And I'm talking to K-Ci about it, and she says he's been screwing everyone over with scheduling, although he's been giving preference to older employees (aka, not us). She put in for a day off and put in the notes it's to take her kid up to a drs appointment (and it's not just a check-up, he has some serious medical needs) and Emelio still scheduled her for that day. When she approached him about it, he brushed her off saying he thought she was just wanting a vacation day (even though she literally put why she needs it off on the request??) and there wasn't any way to work around it (newsflash, there most likely was a way, he just doesn't care).

So I texted Destany spelling out what days I was scheduled and what the problem with it was and asked if I could be switched around. She hasn't gotten back yet, and if I don't hear from her by later tomorrow, I'll print out the email with the time off confirmation and pin it to the board in the kitchen so Emelio can see it on his morning shift on Sunday. And write down why I can't do either day.

Also note that Saturday is the first day I've ever asked for off. I always get to my shift on time, or a little early. I haven't had to have someone sub for me, in fact I've covered someone's shift and come in for a lunch shift on top of my night shift. It's not like I always ask for time off and they've had enough of it and are scheduling me despite it, it's a blatant disregard for a one time, simple thing. If he keeps screwing with us on our schedules, he's going to have people leaving and then he'll be up a creek. You're short staffed, buddy boy? Keep going the way you're going and you'll see what being short staffed really is.

[datingintampafails]

Chapter 30: Richard*

Let me start by saying, nothing is wrong with Richard*. I match with Richard* right as the nightmare that is “the microwave” has come to a close. Now that I am mere days away from being fully vaccinated, I break the rules a little bit to give myself a headstart before I am able to actually go on the dates. I figure, what is the harm in working on getting back out there? I send a “Like” to him on Hinge, inquiring about a prompt that mentions he had broken both of his arms. The next morning, I get a reply with the story. After discussing that series of events briefly, he goes on to ask more about me and the video games I play. I step on my soapbox for a time. He tells me that he plays a video game called League of Legends, which has a reputation for having some of the most toxic players online. I ask him half-jokingly if that is his way of telling me he is toxic. He swears by his alibi of not having his microphone on when he plays with strangers, so as to not be tempted. We reminisce about Runescape, and he tells me more about some of the games he plays.

We get into the topic of pets, where he says my dog seems nice. I ask him if he has any pets where I am surprised to learn he has two snakes. We talk briefly about what it’s like having snakes, and we segue onto a conversation about television shows due to my dog having a character’s name in a show he watches, which then segued into a conversation about having coronavirus, and travel, and my changes in taste since aforementioned COVID-19.

I narrate to him a conversation I’m having with my best friend about the show of the moment, “Bridgerton,” on Netflix. Pretty randomly, he officially asks me out for drinks. I tell him I have a caveat, that it needs to be next week, as at this time I am still technically not supposed to be dating yet since I am awaiting my second COVID-19 vaccination. I make a joke that I bet he thought I was going to say I had a penis. He jokes back that he was hoping I would. I continue a joke saying I am pretty sure I don’t have one, but if I do have one it’s extremely small. We learn that we have opposing schedules, “we suck” is how I put it. I offer that in the meantime, we can text/call/video chat in order to continue getting to know each other. He sends me his number though offers that we can talk with a “different method.” Being the jester I am, I turn this into a joke of seeing how many alternate methods I can think of. A good sport, he plays along and adds a few of his own, ending in “Mongolian throat singing.” Despite the ingenious ideas we come up with, I opt to stick to contact him via text message.

Upon texting him and seeing my area code, he recognizes it as his cousins lived in that area. He grew up a couple of hours away in rural Maryland. It is late, so our transition to text is brief for now. In the morning I challenge him regarding who woke up the earliest; I win this challenge due to having a call in at work at four in the morning. We then bond over the legendary Mountain Dew Game Fuel, Citrus Cherry, that would come out at game releases; once my favorite drink, being reminded of its existence brought me anger and sadness, which I expressed I was feeling to him. We are getting along so famously, that I decided maybe I can make an exception to seeing him before my vaccine. He says he is fine either way. We start to plan our date and settle on a brewery I like near me.

Much of our texts are light-hearted jabs at each other, nothing super deep. He compliments my quirks often. He often makes jokes about having a smooth brain and sends me many diagrams. He tells me about his major in college. I then realize I don’t know what he does for a living. I ask him what his job is, that’s when he tells me he is in the Army. The stereotype for men in the military is that they usually get engaged quickly, without knowing a person for very long. Being the jokester I am, I take this opportunity to jab at him. My response to his career is, “oh sorry I don’t want to get married next month.” He says that that is why he doesn't have his job in his profile, because of the stereotypes. I joke that I have been misled to believe he had been a chill down to earth guy.

When it is the day of the date, I jokingly keep saying I am going to wear an evening gown; I mention it a couple times. When I arrive, in my skirt and crop top, I see he’s actually dressed pretty nicely and is sitting outside, wearing long khaki pants and a dress shirt. It is a decently warm day, so I hope he's okay. I compliment him, saying he looks nice and he didn't need to dress up for me. He admits that because I kept talking about the evening gown, that he thought I might have been serious, so he wanted to match my formality. I do notice over the course of the date though that he is sweating through his shirt, especially at the underarms; not the most attractive, but a person cannot help these things.

The conversation goes well, we have a nice time and I regale him with the drama in my video game community and just talk about random things. I have a couple drinks and although we weren't planning on eating dinner there, he ends up eating a burger and I opt to just "steal some fries" since I had a late lunch. He is craving dessert so we walk a block to a local ice cream place and get some ice cream as well. When we return back to where the cars were, I realize that he had Ubered there, because another joke of mine was taken seriously regarding getting super drunk. I feel bad and offer to drive him home. We get in my car and I have him put in his address into Google Maps. I drive him there and when approaching his apartment, I see a lot of construction. He instructs me where I can drop him off and suggests that I turn around in a certain lot. He gives me a hug goodbye and I drive off.

I get completely confused and lost in the construction, between closed streets and cones blocking lanes, so I get stuck in the vicinity of his apartment for five minutes before being able to find my way back to the main road. I let him know of my troubles driving, and also when I got home. He thanks me for going out and says he had a great time. Whereas I also had a good time, I found it strange he made no moves whatsoever during the night and I didn't really feel a romantic urge with him.

I get my second COVID-19 Vaccine and take a day off to recover. We still talk at least daily while he is away on his trip; while he is gone I focus a little more on the other guy I am chatting with, John*. I've told my mom of my predicament between the two men, and between her and I, I decided I'll go out with Richard* again, give him another chance. If things still aren't progressing or feelings startup, I will end it and entirely focus on John*.

Richard* asks me when he can see me again and offers to cook for me. I give him my Friday night, which is a day after I am seeing John* again as well. On Thursday, he texts me to verify, saying "I'd like to see you tomorrow, did you still want to do dinner?" I told him I meant to confirm that day. We don't talk besides that, which is good for me because I don't have to worry about getting texts from him when I'm with someone else. The day of my second date with Richard*, I text him to ask for his address again and ask for suggestions on parking, since the construction was such a fiasco for me, I'm still traumatized lightly. He tells me and after a few hours, I get some complicated news regarding my gaming community, so I ask Richard* if I can reschedule to tomorrow, Saturday. He says it is fine and so we just chat for the rest of the day.

On the day our date will actually happen, he again seems to verify the date, asking me if I'm planning on coming over "today." I snarkily replied, "yeah I don't bail, you said 730." He asks me what I want to drink, as he must be grocery shopping. I panic and say seltzers. I take a quick nap and then let him know I am headed to his apartment. When I arrive, I try to follow his parking suggestions but get confused and don't see anything. After driving around for over five minutes, I start to panic as I don't see anything. I find a random gravel lot that is in earshot of where I had dropped him off on the first date, and I call to admit defeat. I send him a photo as well to show where I am. He comes out to find me and almost walks past my car. I flash my high beams at him to indicate it's me and he hops in the car. We drive around a few minutes and luck upon a spot that is close to one of the side entrances to his apartment complex.

I follow him to his apartment, he is again dressed nicely, and I am wearing more comfortable clothes. He is wearing a nice shirt, but with jeans. We get to his apartment and it is slightly better than a typical bachelor pad, but definitely not overly showy. He is still finishing up dinner, chicken pad thai, and he gets me out a white claw to drink. We chat briefly but he starts acting weird, just off. I just sit in his gaming chair and spin around, look at his one snake, and stay quiet. In a way, I am fine with the silence, as it solidifies my unease about this going anywhere. He eventually speaks up, saying he just got a killer headache and isn't feeling well. Due to his travels, I joke about him having coronavirus.

When the food is ready, I let him serve me, I tell him to go light as I don't eat much. He had talked a lot of game regarding his pad thai being good, and unfortunately, it was pretty disappointing. He used chicken thighs, which I am not a huge fan of, and the noodles seemed almost soggy. Richard* was aware of this, however, and commented that this wasn't his best dish and had used a new kind of noodles. I don't like and say that it's just alright, at least palatable. We watch some Brooklyn 99 and eat on his couch, sitting on opposite sides of the couch. After dinner, I get an official introduction to the snakes and get to pet them, it is bizarre, but kind of cool. Definitely not as fun as playing with, say, a dog. Shortly after that, I say it's getting late and I should probably go home. He walks me back to my car, which is a need since his complex is a maze. Again, he makes no moves and gives me a hug goodbye. For me, it's easy to see that something isn't quite right here. We chat briefly, for the next few days, as I'm not ready to immediately break his heart.

When he texts me four days after our date, explicitly saying the following, I see it is a perfect opportunity to come clean:

He took things very well, and I didn't hear from him again. I commend myself for being a real human and telling people how I feel, rather than ghosting and not giving others closure. I wish more conversations could go this way. I feel bad for the guy. It isn’t his fault that I ended up “playing the game” and doing what you’re supposed to do when you’re dating, which is, not to get stuck on one person and date around. It just so happens, he ended up being the one I obviously didn’t like as much and had to sacrifice for his own good. It’s possible that only due to my extreme attraction to the other guy, that he never had a chance as it was shadowed by my feelings for someone else.

[girlwithshipsshitshow]

Part 12

(Around Three am the lab came in to check take Usagi's blood and nurse Rose came in to switch out his fluid and give him more antibiotics, surprisingly Usagi stayed asleep the whole time, but Misaki woke up).

Misaki: (Groggily) Rose, I can't believe they have you working all these hours.

Rose: Yeah (She stood against the wall near the doorway). Well the other Nurse was supposed to be working but she's been fired, a new nurse will be taking over later today and then I have my date with Eri. (She smiled, even in the dark Misaki could tell she was blushing). Do you have any recommendations?

Misaki: Usagi and I always go to IMI.

Rose: Isn't that expensive?

Misaki: It is when Usagi rents out the entire balcony. (Chuckles).

Rose: Well Thanks, I'll look into it.

Misaki: Yeah, good luck.

Rose: (Exits)

Misaki: (Closes eyes and tries to go back to sleep).

Aikawa: Don't just burst in there they might still be asleep.

Takahiro: No, They said we could come back at six am and it's six am, I'm going in (Slams door open)

Misaki: (Shoots up) Takahiro, What the fuck are you doing?

Takahiro: They said we could be back at six am.

Misaki: Do you have to be so loud? (Glaces at Usagi who is still fast asleep). I need to take a shower. (gets up, Grabs kaki shorts, a black hoodie, and boxers out of his backpack and walks into the bathroom).

Takahiro: God, what's his problem? (Walks over to be and starts fixing it back into a sofa.)

Aikawa: (Leans against wall, crossing arms) You burst in here at six am, they were sound asleep, Miskai has a test today, and who knows how late they were up).

Takahiro: Ew, why were they up late? They can't have sex.

Aikawa: (Angry face) Takahiro, they can't have sex, and they were up late because Misaki was probably studying and doctors and nurses were in and out all night. You have to get on board with their relships at some point or else you're going to lose them both.

Takahiro: It's just (Sigha and sits on sofa) He's my baby brother, my little baby brother, I never thought of him dating, especially dating my best friend. It's just-

Aikawa: (Sits beside Takahiro) I know it's strange, but have you seen how they look at each other? (Smiles) They're in love, and incredibly happy.

Takahiro: I know, I've never seen either one of them so happy, ever. (Smiles) I need to be okay with this.

Aikawa: Yeah, you do, they aren't going to break up ever, and they've been through a lot, it's been hard for them.

Takahiro: I didn't know that.

Aikawa: Yeah, we'll they were always scared to tell you.

Takahiro: How long have you known?

Aikawa: Eh, I kinda just figured it out. They aren't that good at hiding it.

Misaki: (Walking out of the bathroom rubbing a towel on his head). Maybe if you didn't have a key.

Aikawa: There are locks on other doors for a reason, and i'm not only talking about at your house.

Misaki: Whatever. (Walks over to chair beside Usagi, who's starting to stir).

Usagi: (Eyes slowly open, he smiles at Misaki and reaches out for him). Good Morning Misaki.

Misaki:(Grabs hand) Hey Baby.

Usagi: Did you sleep well?

Misaki: (Shrugs) I slept okay, you were out all night, they came in here around three am to do labs and stuff.

Usagi: (Chuckles) I was tired

Misaki: Good, you need your rest.

Usagi: What time is your test?

Misaki: It's at ten, but the doctor is going to come in here around eight to talk to you, and I'll leave after that.

Usagi: (Nods) Okay. (Looks over at sofa). Hey guys

Takahiro, Aikawa: Hello.

Usagi: When did they get here?

Misaki: Right at six.

Usagi: Did they wake you?

Miskai: (Sheepish look)

Usagi: (Runs thumb over back of hand) I'm sorry.

Misaki: (Shrugs) It's okay, I didn't sleep well anyway. (Sighs and rolls shoulders back)

Usagi: Hey, what's wrong

Misaki: Just the timing of all this sucks.

Usagi: I know.

Misaki: And I'm kinda pissed at you, you could've died, you're lucky you're appendix didn't actually burst.

Usagi: I know.

(There's a knock at the door and Dr. Takahashi walks in)

Dr. Takahashi: Good Morning everyone. (He walks over to the sink, washes his hands and puts on a pair of gloves). Akihiko, I'm going to look at your incision. (He walks over to Usagi and gently checks his incision). Okay, looks to be healing up nicely, your vitals look good and we can take you off the antibiotics, and have you had any pain?

Usagi: Um, no not at all.

Dr. Takahashi: Okay, perfect. I think we can get you out of here today, but it might be later this evening, I assume your fiance will be able to take care of you?

Misaki: Uh, yeah of course. I mean I have a test today at ten, I'm off tomorrow, I have another test Thursday, and next week I don't have any classes, and next saturday I graduate.

Usagi: Oh, speaking of, I'm supposed to speak at his graduation next saturday, is that okay?

Dr. Takahashi: Yes, that should be fine, No sexual activities for two weeks, stick to your regular diet, if you don't have anymore questions we can work on getting you out of here.

Usagi: Uh, wait, no sexual activities for two weeks?

Misaki: (Scoffs) Usagi, It'll be okay.

Usagi: Yeah but-

Misaki: Babe, I don't want you to die, so you can wait two weeks.

Usagi: (Sighs) Yeah, Fine. Oh what about bathing?

Dr. Takahashi: You can do all that normally, Oh and no heavy lifting.

Usagi: So what am I supposed to do?

Aikawa: You can do your work.

Usagi: Please, I'm at least four months ahead.

Aikawa: Damn I forgot about that.

Dr. Takahashi: You can drive tomorrow and walk some.

Usagi: Fine.

Misaki: (Glaces At Phone) Shit, it's Nine-Fifteen, i'm going to be late. Usagi, I'm taking your car.

Usagi: That's fine, my keys-

Misaki: Are in the table, I know I saw them yesterday. (Stands up, still holding on to Usagi's hand).

Usagi: Good luck on your Test. (Grins, swings his and Misaki's arm).

Misaki: Thank you. (Tries to let go of Usagi's hand) Usagiii, I have to go, I can't be late.

Usagi: (Releases Misaki's hand), Okay go.

Misaki: (Walks over to the table, grabs Usagi's keys, leans down to kiss Usagi). I love you, I'll see you later.

Usagi: I love you too. (Walks out of Usagi's room).

Dr. Takahashi: Okay, I'm going to start working on your discharge papers, anything else you need to ask?

Usagi: I think I'm okay.

Dr. Takahashi: Alright. (Exits).

Rose: (Walks in grinning at Aikawa). Eri, good morning.

Aikawa: Oh, Rose hey. (Blushes)

Rose: How are you?

Aikawa: I'm good, Akihiko gets to go home today.

Rose: I heard, Congrats.

Usagi: Thank you.

Rose: Where's Misaki?

Usagi: School, he had a test.

Rose: And Isaka?

Aikawa: He had to take care of some stuff at work.

Rose: Okay, well I was Just checking in. Um Eri, I have a short break, want to go get a snack?

Aikawa: (Blushes) Uh, sure. (Stands up grinning at Rose, following her out of the room).

Takahiro:(Clears throat). Usagi-San, I think I need to apologize.

Usagi: For what?

Takahiro: How I've been acting, not supporting your relationship with Misaki.

Usagi: We'll Thanks, but I'm not the one you need to apologize to.

Takahiro: What do you mean, aren't you upset. (Stands up, walks over by Usagi's bed lingering around him).

Usagi: No, not really, Misaki has been hiding this from you for almost five years, and he's been really scared to tell you.

Takahiro: Aikawa said it's been hard for you guys. Or maybe Misaki? I know how hard it can be for him to express his feelings and open up, di- did his fear of telling me and losing you maybe have something to do with it?

Usagi: Look, I've never ever doubted Misaki's feelings for me, not once. Sometimes I felt insecure and maybe wished he would've told me he loved me more, but I always knew he did. We've told you, and now He's extremely open and more affectionate, it maybe started before we told you, but-

Takahiro: So, it's kinda my fault he wasn't always affectionate?

Usagi: Look, he was terrified of having to give up what we had, and so was I, sometimes I still am, we still have to come out to the world, I want to do that soon, and that scares me, I haven't told him that. But we were both scared of ruining the relationship with you.

Takahiro: You were?

Usagi: Yes, Of course.

Takahiro: (Sits down) Did you think I would make you break up?

Usagi: We didn't know what was going to happen, We just know, we never want to let each other go, I really Really love Misaki, He's the love the of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, He's my person Takahiro.

Takahiro: (Grins) I guess I didn't completely understand how you guys felt about each other.

Usagi: Well, now you do.

Takahiro: He's just my baby brother, I want to protect him, I guess he doesn't need me anymore.

Usagi: Come on he'll always need you.

Takahiro: Yeah, but now he has you, you've been protecting him for the past four years.

Usagi: Almost five, not that it matters but after he next saturday is our anniversary.

Takahiro: Wait, his graduation day?

Usagi: Yeah.

Takahiro: (Smiles) That's really sweet.

Usagi: (Smirks) I, can't believe we've been together five years, and the two of us are getting married, I'm so happy.

Takahiro: I've known you a long time and I don't think i've ever seen you this generally happy... Wait (scoffs, Shocked look) i'm and idot. This, aurora of happiness started when you met Misaki. How didn't I figure it out?

Usagi: (Shrugs) I have no idea.

Takahiro: And Misaki changed a lot when he met you.

Usagi: (Nods)

Takahiro: Look, just keep him happy.

Usagi: I will, I'm not going to hurt him, I love him so much.

Takahiro: Good. Now let's talk kids.

Usagi: ugh

(Rose and Aikawa are sitting in the vending room finishing up their snack).

Rose: I think they should be done now

Aikawa: Eh, what are you talking about?

Rose: (Takes last sip of her soda, tossing the can in the trash behind her). Takahiro and Akihiko.

Aikawa: We came up here so they could talk?

Rose: We'll mostly so I could hang out with you, But I figured they should talk.

Aikawa: I'm sure they did talk. And I'm happy to be up here with you.

Rose: (Smiles, reaches out for Aikawa's hand)

Aikawa: (Bluses) This is nice, um can we still go on a date tonight?

Rose: Yeah, of course and it actually looks like I might get off early.

Aikawa: Oh, awesome!

Rose: (laughs) I- I'll let you know, but we should head back down. (Stands)

Aikawa: Yeah. (Stands up)

Rose: (Takes Aikawa's hand and they head back down to Usagi's room).

Misaki: (Drums fingers on the steering wheel of Usagi's car, while wating for him to pick up, he just got his grade back for his German exam and he passed with flying colors, he felt really good about his German exam and the last test he had was psychology).

Usagi: Misaki? Are you okay?

Misaki: Great acctally. I got a 95 on my German exam, I feel extremely confident about my Psychology exam on Thursday!

Usagi: Wow Misaki! I'm so proud of you!

Misaki: (Chuckles) Thanks Usagi, I'm on my way back now do you need anything?

Usagi: Just you.

Misaki: (Blushes) Shut up!

Usagi: I can tell you're blushing.

Misaki: (Laughs) You know me so well Usagi.

Usagi: Yes I do, and I love you.

Misaki: I love you too, I'll see you soon.

Usagi: Can't wait.

[justinsdaysinthedark]

Post # 6 - It is what it is

I'd be lying if I said I haven't spent the past half an hour with tears flowing from my eyes staring at a blank screen wondering how I'm going to get everything I've got floating in my head out. I suppose listening to Coldplay live in Argentina probably wasn't the best choice of music to set the mood. I'll work on that one in the future...

Where do I start? It's been a question I'm often asking myself at the start of these blog posts and it's certainly not the easiest one. What do you guys know? There's been so much happen since my last post on Thursday night.

Friday July 26th: I saw my doctors around lunchtime who came in quite concerned. Whilst they were confident my lymphoma was one called DLBCL (Diffuse Large B- Cell Lymphoma), some tests had come back with suspect results that it could be a more aggressive and harsh type of lymphoma called Burkitt's lymphoma and if confirmed, chemo was starting that night with no time to waste. There was also one marked in the middle (a cross of the two) called Burkitt's Like Lymphoma which is treated similarly to DLBCL. Whatever it was, I couldn't change it. I just wanted answers and if treatment needed to start, let's get it underway!

Adam, my incredible haematology doctor sent off another test of my gall bladder to finally get the confirmation I was after. It was urgent. He had to know. It was reassuring of Adam to state "Justin, we need to know what this is. Preliminary results are due back later this afternoon and that will hopefully rule out Burkitt's. if it is Burkitt's, we'll start chemo tonight and I'll be with you every step of the way - even if I have to stay back a few hours."

I know doctors earn a fair coin on a lazy day, but how many give you that much confidence that you and your health is important to them? I'm going to have it a guess and say not many but alas, I am so incredibly lucky with the team of doctors I have.

4:00pm and Adam strolls in the door heading straight for my room. My heart drops, similarly to what it had when Michael dropped the news I had lymphoma. "Good news. Preliminary results are back and we're confident it's not Burkitt's. You can't rule out anything in life, so there still is a small chance it could be. We're happy to wait for the final results on Monday, figure out a treatment plan from there and start Chemotherapy next week. Spend Saturday and Sunday on day leave and I'll see you next week."

This was news to my ears. In a time of what has been negative or no news, I could spend the weekend with family relatively freely and forget everything was happening for a few hours each day. My Uncle Bob and Aunty Denise were down from Tasmania to see me, as was my Aunty AJ and cousins from Bairnsdale so it all felt like it fit into place.

Friday night saw me considerably more relaxed with this news...that was until Collingwood started and it was the demolition it was. Slightly humorous side note, the nurse came in around 9pm for my nightly observations. Naturally, my heart rate was up a bit more than normal watching the football (118BPM - normally between 70-85BPM). This caused the nurse to call in the team of doctors who wanted to put me on an ECG machine for the night and monitor my heart. I assured them it was because Collingwood were on and if they gave me an hour, I'd be okay. It took some convincing, but it finally worked. Back they came an hour later and it had gone down - crisis averted.

Saturday afternoon and evening was wonderful. I went down to dads for dinner and was fortunate enough to spend some much needed time with family over a beautiful dinner and good laugh.

Sunday was much the same. I went home, mum did a fair chunk of washing for me as I spent it being me. Seeing Courtney, napping in my own bed and even headed over to Fountain Gate and got some much needed new clothes and other miscellaneous items - something that seems so simple but is such a luxury when you've spent the past 15 days in hospital.

Monday July 29th: They say the more you think positively, the more positive news you shall receive....or it goes something like that right? I woke up this morning the most upbeat and best I'd felt in weeks. I felt fine. I felt no pain, almost like I'd woken up from a shitty hotel! In all honesty, I felt like I'm abusing the system however I keep being quickly reminded how much I need to be here. Did I wake up so positive because I lived my old life for 16 hours over the weekend? Is it because I was hoping to hear a reasonably positive outcome with this lymphoma test? Probably a mix of both if I'm honest. But whatever it was, I was hopeful.

Adam came around at roughly 10:00am. Didn't really have much for me in terms of news but more of an outline of the day. If they hear the results of the test they were waiting on, they'd write me up a treatment plan ASAP and get chemo started this afternoon. At worst, I'd be starting it tomorrow (Tuesday). They just needed that definitive answer of what type of lymphoma I have - an answer I'd love more than anybody.

Either way, we agreed i'd need a PICC (Peripherally Inserted Central Catheter) line in which basically is a long-term cannula. It runs from the inside of my arm right up and around and stops basically just outside my heart. This is for easy access for the chemotherapy and even an easy exit for blood tests - something that's proven incredibly difficult to take from me over the past few days. Additionally, these lines can last up to six months verses the three days you get from a cannula. There were too many positives to say no to!

This wasn't scheduled for any time in particular, so 1:00pm came around and I was about to be taken to get the PICC line in.

Just as I was about to leave, Adam came in with a few words I'm all too familiar with. "Well, the pathology tests we were waiting on have come back inconclusive..."

Woah. Wait. What? How do tests of my gall bladder that was removed six days ago come back inconclusive? How does one of the main sources not have enough 'data' to tell them what sort of lymphoma I have? I was just stunned.

Adam continued "As a result, we can see some signs of Burkitt's lymphoma and that's what we're going to treat you for. You're young. You should be able to handle it and it's better to over treat you than under treat and be stuck where we are at the moment. It's an intense 16-day chemo treatment that will totally wipe out your red and white blood cells as well as your platelets. We foresee you being in here for another 3-5 weeks, depending on how well your body goes getting these levels back up to normal post this first treatment..."

I honestly say this but that's all I remember from this conversation. I was hoping I'd be heading home this week but looks like that definitely won't be happening. Today marks day 40 of the past 55 days in hospital (day 15 of this stint) and if I go off the longest suggested time expected, I have another 35 days to go. That honestly crushed me.

I got taken down to get my PICC line in - quite an easy process. Very similar to putting in a larger cannula, just a whole lot longer and uses local anaesthetic as well as being guided by an ultrasound and X-ray. I'm lucky enough to have two ports, which will hopefully speed up some of my medication and how much they can pump in. Does it feel weird? The only weird part was feeling it slide down past and near my heart - but that's okay now!

By the time I return, dad made his was in to try and help process the news. We get Adam in to once again explain the process. In layman's terms, I'll be starting an intense and high-dose 16-day chemotherapy program kicking off tomorrow (Tuesday) morning. Most of the time across the next 16 days, I'll be hooked up via IV drip getting whatever medication is required. I think I saw I have rest days on days 7 & 8 which I suppose will give me two days to look forward to. At the end of the day, it's something I'm not certain on and will be a day by day process and constant learning about what's going into my body to help fight with me.

I do have one request for you all. With my body not producing red or white blood cells or platelets over the next few weeks, I do request if you are planning to visit however are sick to stay away those extra few days. With my immune system going to be at the lowest it's been, I don't particularly want to pick up something I don't need. Additionally, as much as I'd love flowers, they're also banned due to the infection risk of the spores mixing with the chemotherapy and causing some dangerous damage from the inside.

At the end of the day, if you're not sure please message me and check as I'm not entirely sure myself about everything. I'm constantly learning as I'm going.

How am I feeling? I'm nervous. I'm nervous at the unknown. How will this affect me? How bad am I going to feel? Will I lose my hair? What will my energy levels be like? In advance, I do apologise if over the next few weeks I'm not myself. Truth be told, that's because I probably won't be.

In a way, i'm finally excited to start my treatment first thing tomorrow morning (after yet ANOTHER lumbar puncture). I was so envious of both people next to me getting their first rounds of chemo today. I know mine will be intense but I just can't wait.

I've learnt so much about cancer and chemotherapy over the past four days and I know there's so much more to learn. Today I learnt I'll be incredibly highly cytotoxic, which basically means all needles and anything used on me need to go in a separate bin just for me. Additionally, I'll have to get used to the good old double flush after the toilet to ensure all waste is disposed of. Mouth ulcers are a big issue with most chemo patients as well. I'll have to start brushing my teeth after every meal and taking a special mouthwash 3x daily to assist with keeping these under control. There's plenty of other little things, but they're two I least expected.

Everything really hit me last night....not like it did tonight though. I just had twenty minutes to reflect and it just became a sudden realisation. What I'm going through is real. It's not a 'joke' anymore. It's not something they're looking at as a potential cause. It is the cause. I have a legitimate medical issue and it's finally time to fight lymphoma. All well and good to be talking the talk like I have been - it's now time to walk the walk. This sits well with me. If I give somebody my word, I do whatever I can to get it achieved. Unfortunately for the lymphoma throughout my body I've given it my word and it's time to fight it. Round one begins tomorrow morning.

I leave tonight feeling a whole lot better than I did when I started tonight's post. I didn't learn from my words earlier as Coldplay live from Argentina is still playing however I'm in a much more comfortable mind space.

My best friend of a lazy 20 years, Dylan visited tonight with his partner, Jacqui. One phrase popped up more than most and they made me aware it was a common phrase coming out of my mouth.

"It is what it is."

I can't control what's happened to me as "it is what it is." What I can control from here though is how I fight lymphoma. Thanks for the visit tonight guys, I appreciated the two hours spent here in what's been an incredibly tough afternoon.

Much love.

Juzz xx

[naturezoneunite]

Elemental Wars Book of Wishes Chapter IV: The Weak Hero

On Monday morning, Kimichi Ishikawa, Sukina Akamine, Anstice Galanos, Samuel and other students head to the auditorium and sat in their seats as Principal Akamine prepare for the news. "Attention students!" " I'm afraid we have bad news." "We don't have free baseball cards?" No." " No sweets on Friday?" "No Mr Turner." "So, no baseball cards?" " Mr. Turner if you ask me anything that doesn't have to do what I'm explaining to every student including you about the bad news, I will give you Saturday Detention, do I make myself clear?" "I'll behave." "As I was saying before I was interrupted by Mr. Turner." Principal Akamine sighed and clears her throat. "I'll get straight to the point with every student here." "The bad news is Mr. Yakamura won't be here for the rest of the week due to suffering the flu, I'm hopeful that he will return next Wednesday."

After Principal Akamine made the morning announcement in the Auditorium, the boys went to Library Class and the girls went to Science Class. After school, Kimichi went to her room to check on Junis. He was in bed still have eye flu. "How are you feeling?" Kimichi said. Junis looked up at Kimichi holding the ice pack on his head in disgust. "Worst, I feel weak and my insides are cold." "I'm so sorry about your condition..." Junis shakes his head as he sits up. "It's not your fault Ishikawa San...I should have took care of my body." "I'll take care of you." "I appreciate your support but you can't." "Why not?" "Because I don't want you to stay home and because of my condition." "B-But..." "I'm sorry, you can go to school without me..." "Okay, I'll go to school tomorrow with the others, goodnight..." Junis lay back down and rested by himself in the room as Kimichi slept with her mother. Tuesday Morning at the gym, Kimichi and other girls went to the gym and ran 10 laps for an hour.

Later after school, Kimichi did her homework late and went to bed early in her mother's room. Wednesday morning at swimming class, the girls swim for the entire period. Later after school, Kimichi and her mother cleaned the houses downtown, saved the pets that was missing, and returned the pets to their rightful owners. After that tough job was done, They went home and went to bed.

Thursday morning, everyone reported to the library because the principal had a quick announcement to make. "Alright class, I'll get right to it." "No Samuel, there aren't any baseball cards, put your hand down!" "Sheesh." "There will be a exam on Monday, make sure you study this weekend." "I don't want to." "You better study or else I will give you detention and call your father." "Okay, Okay, I'll study for the exam this weekend!" "That's what I thought you said." "Anyway, that's all for now, good day." Later after school Kimichi Studied all night long and fell asleep early.

Friday Morning, Mrs. Ishikawa called Principal Akamine for something really important. "You don't mind if my little princess stay home today?" "My star pupil?" "Yes." "I don't mind at all, just remember to pick up her homework 5pm." "Thank you very much, I'll go pick it up right now." "I'll see my star pupil Monday morning, have a good weekend Mrs. Ishikawa." "You too as well Principal Akamine."

Meanwhile, Kimichi wakes Junis up holding the cure to his Flu in her right hand. "Wake up." "What are you doing here?" "Sit up please." "I told you to go to school..." "I'm stay home to take care of you today." "Are you insane!?" "You heard me." "Either you let me help you or be a sick coward all weekend, make a choice." "Your kidding..." "Try me." Junis sighs and took the medicine out of her hand. "H-Hey!" "I'll let you help me, just calm down okay?" "Sorry." "It's okay, help me please, I need your help."

Kimichi smiled and decided to help Junis and took care of him for the entire day, he also drank the medicine that he got from Kimichi. Later at night, Junis asked her to do one more request, to have a short ponytail. She was confused by his request but she had to think about it for a few minutes. She smiled and started and puts his hair in a short ponytail and saw his left eye for the first time but his left eye was closed.

"Uhh, Y-Yakamura Kun." "Yes, Ishikawa San?" "It's something about your left eye." "What about it?" "How come it's closed?" "That's classified." "Huh? Why?" "It's classified because I don't have any memories about my left eye." "I see." Kimichi said as she finished tying his hair in a ponytail. She wrapped his left arm and his right arm with the bandage wrap. "I made chicken soup for you, do you want some chicken soup?" "Yes please." Junis sits up as Kimichi sets the bowl of chicken soup between his legs. He starts drinking his chicken soup for a couple of minutes and passed out asleep in bed. She tucked him in and takes the peach bowl downstairs to the kitchen and washed it along with the other dishes in the sink.

20 minutes later, Kimichi and Junis was sleeping together as Mrs. Ishikawa came in their bedroom and tucked them in. She left their room and went to her room to sleep in her bed.

Saturday Morning 10 at Anstice's five million dollar gym next to the Shanghai Movie Theater where Junis and Kimichi was invited, Junis was confused and asked Anstice a serious question. "Why am I here Anstice?" "I'm getting to that, be patient buddy." Anstice clears his throat and began speaking. "Good morning ladies and gentlemen!" "Good morning Anstice!" "That's the spirit!" "Welcome to my gym!" "First of all, I like your new look Junis Yakamura!" "Thank you." "Second of all, I invited Junis Yakamura to turn him from a weak boy to a man!" "Third of all, Invited Kimichi Ishikawa to help Junis to go beyond his limits, to conquer his fears, to be built for this!" "Any questions before we get started?" "No sir!"

25 minutes later after Anstice give 12 people a tour around the gym including Junis Yakamura and Kimichi Ishikawa, Junis tried to work out but he had doubts of reaching his full potential and he had thoughts of giving up. "Come on you can do it." "I can't do it." "What the hell do you mean you can't do it!? Junis didn't speak and was too depressed to talk about it. "Why can't you do it?" "Because in the past, I was too weak to save my mother,my father, and my brothers." "Be a man!" "Doubting yourself won't get you anywhere!" Junis got mad and was crying. "I know that!" Kimichi was sad and talked to Anstice. "I think that's enough Anstice." "No, it's not enough!" Anstice grabbed Junis by his shirt. "Everyone here working their asses off here, why are you acting like this!?" Junis growls and responded to his question. "Because, it's my fault that the man in my past took everything from me, took everything from me!" "You don't know what I go through!" "I'm just scared of that man." "I'm scared of confronting him." Anstice was surprised and smiled at Junis. "That's the problem, the mysterious man in your past is your fear, we can help you conquer your fears." "Anstice is right, you aren't alone, we are in this together." Kimichi wiped his tears with a clean rag.

30 minutes later, Junis working out using the jump rope, battle rope, treadmill, and barbells on the first day of his training for 10 hours. 2 hours later Junis and Kimichi went home and watched tv, however Junis body was hurting from using Anstice's equipment. He had spicy curry chicken for dinner, he took a late shower and went to bed. Kimchi was studying for Monday's test even though it's Saturday. She's very confident that she will pass the test.

[imaginecredence]

"I'll see you again." (part 42)

Summary: A Credence Barebone imagine (Credence x Reader)

Note: This is the 42nd part to this imagine so make sure you check out the others! I hope you like and reblog it. There also will most likely be a grammar mistake so bare with me. Anyway… I hope you enjoy!

Date published: September 5, 2017

Warnings: not really any?? Idk… angst, I guess

Year: February- 1927

Part: forty-two of ?

MASTERLIST

PLAYLIST _____________________

There was a room, a dark, metal room, with one spotlight on a chair. It was a rectangular room, with one door across from the chair. And in that chair was Credence. His hands were tide behind his back, and he was scared. His eyes were red, like he was sick and he was sweating and, gasping for air. All of a sudden, there was a man coming through the door. Credence looked up and saw that the man was your father. He pulled out a knife and held it up to Credence's chin. "Stay away from her." Your father said, in a half whispered. Tears ran down Credence's face as he spoke, "What?" "Stay away from her." He said, more harshly. "Stay away from Y/N." "No." Credence refused. "N-No, I-I can't. I won't." "You'll kill her. You'll lose control and kill her." He accused. Credence just stared at him, unable to deny that that couldn't happen. He stared up into your father's angry eyes, feeling the cold blade under his chin. "No! No!" You yelled. But you couldn't move, you couldn't defend him. "Jack, you told me you wouldn't tell them! You promised." You cried. You just stood there, watching your father hold a blade at your Credence. You sobbed, yelling at Jack and your father. "Dad, he won't hurt me, he couldn't. Jack, why did you tell him?! Let him go, leave him alone." You blubbered. Then all of a sudden, the door opened. You turned to see who it was, but there wasn't anyone there. You turned back to Credence and your father, but they were gone. "Credence?" Your crying had slowed down, but started back up as you frantically called for him. "Credence? Where are you?" You wailed. "Come back! Come back to me." Your eyes shot open.

"Credence!" You yelled, as you sat up, feeling like were waking up from a dream where you were falling. You breathed heavily, looking around the room. You tried to calm down, moving your sweaty and tear drenched hair from your face. "Credence." You whispered. Covering your face with your hands, you tried to stop thinking about the awful dream you had just endured. After calming down a bit, you laid back down. You tried to go back to sleep, but the sound of Credence's cries and the look on his face haunted you. You slept restlessly the rest of the night, having bits of the dream replay in your mind. When it was finally morning, you got up and went downstairs. Your mother was at the table drinking coffee, when you came down. "Good morning." She smiled. "Morning. Can I have some coffee?" You mumbled. "Sure. Didn't sleep too good last night?" "Not at all." You grumbled, pouring yourself a mug of coffee. "Anything in particular?" She asked. You paused, wondering if you should tell her about the dream. You, of course wouldn't go into too much detail, giving he fact that she didn't know about Credence's abilities. "It was just a bad dream... about Credence." "Aw, I'm sorry." She said. You were just waiting for her to ask about the details, but she didn't. You had coffee together, just waiting to hear the phone ring with news about the interview. Credence woke to the brightness of the sun shining through the window. He blinked, stretching out, and yawning. He stared at the ceiling for a minute, his mind completely blank. But then it all came back. The fact that you weren't here; here to hold him, and he didn't feel safe at all. He let out a big sigh, trying to get all the memories of you hugging him, out of his brain.

It was midway through the morning, and you still hadn't heard from Mr. Elliot. You were sitting on the couch in the living room, resting your head in your palm, gazing out the window. The dream you had, wasn't helping your mood either. It felt like it was haunting you. "Come on!" Your mother clapped her hands, causing you to raise your head. "Let's go do something. You're going crazy just waiting here." "But what if he calls and we aren't here?" You said, in monotone. "Jack will be here, he can answer the phone." You laid your head back down. "Come on, Y/N!" She pleaded. You looked back at her, and she gave this 'please' look. "Fine." You grumbled, but couldn't help but smile. "Great! We can go for lunch, then walk around Portland. Go get ready." After you were both ready, you headed out and went to lunch. You had soup and bread, because it was a cold and rainy day. At first it felt like just the thing you needed, then you stared down at the steaming soup and the only thing you could think of was Credence. You always had soup together, and always cooked it together. You half expected to look up and see Credence sitting across from you. You sighed, wiping away the stupid expectation, and made yourself a spoonful of soup. At home, Credence decided to make soup for lunch. It was a hard decision, because he felt like it was wrong to do it without you, but he thought it would keep him busy for a little while. Anything to make the time go faster. He cut the vegetables and made the broth, of course playing your favorite record. When lunch was finished, you and your mother headed out of the café. "Let's go to the docks." Your mom suggested. "Okay." You agreed The last time you were at the docks, you were with Credence. That time you went out with him in December. Walking there brought back the simplest memory of walking beside him. It made you smile, but also made you sad. When you got there, you looked out at the ocean. You walked the boardwalk down the the docks where the sailboats were. They swayed in the wind, seagulls screaming above you. The wind blew your hair in your face, as you looked out across the ocean. You could feel your mind clearing up. It felt like it was just you and the ocean in front of you. You closed your eyes, breathing in the salty, cool air, making you smirk. "Thank you, mom." You said. "What for?" She looked at you. "This is just really helping clear my head." "Good." She smiled.

As Credence finished up making the soup, he almost got down two bowls. He sighed, lowering his head, hardly baring the thought that you were really gone. He ladled some soup into one bowl for himself, and placed it on the table. Sitting at his place, he ate slowly, again hoping the time would go by quickly. On your way back, you walked fast, wanting to get home to see if Jack had any news. You pushed open the door, looking to see if he was anywhere close. You took off your coat, hung it up, and went to look for him. You found him in the den. "Heard anything?" You asked, excitedly. He looked at you with disappointment. "No, I'm sorry." He said. Your smiled faded as you replied, "Okay." Then the sound of the phone ringing made you all jump out of your skin. Your eyes widened with anticipation and Jack smiled widely. You ran over and answered the phone. "Hello?" Credence washed the dishes, cleaned up the kitchen, and the rest of the apartment. After, he stood there, looking around, wondering what to do. He decided he would draw something, maybe he would be able to focus. After a five minute phone call, you hung up the phone and squealed, jumping up and down. Jack and your mom came over, smiling and cheering as well. "So you got it?" Jack asked. "Yes!" You exclaimed, feeling tears fall down your cheeks. You were so relieved. You would finally be able to leave New York and be happy. And now, you could go home to Credence. "We have to start looking for houses!" You said, excitedly. It was Thursday, and you left Maine on Saturday, so you had to find a house before then. You and your mom got ready right away, so you could head to Massachusetts to hunt for houses. You had decided that Lexington, Massachusetts was the town you wanted to live. It was only a 45 minute train ride to Boston, where the restaurant was. Lexington was a nice town, with nice neighborhoods and houses, it was perfect.

Credence finished his picture. It was a beautiful drawing of the view from your kitchen window. Credence wanted to have it for when you left New York. He had already drawn the whole apartment, now he had the view, and he would be able to remember it forever. Yes, it didn't feel like home right now, but he knew he would miss it when he left. It was a long and strenuous day of searching for the right house. You had looked at over ten houses, but none of them felt right. "Honey, we'll find it." Your mother said in the taxi you were taking to the next house. You were looking out the window, feeling that happiness you felt when you heard you got the job, float away. If you didn't find a house either today, or tomorrow, you would have to stay in New York longer, until you found one. You couldn't bare that. You had to be home with Credence as soon as possible; you had to be home for Valentines Day. When you pulled up to the next house you were looking at, you turned your head, and saw this small, white house. Your lips curved slightly at the sight of the cute house. You got out, not taking your eyes off of it. As you looked through the house, you could feel all your doubts melt away; it was perfect. You could imagine your lives starting to begin as you went through all the rooms. You could see Credence feeling safe here, and at home. You grinned at your mother saying, "This is it." Right away you put an offer on the house and thankfully your offer was accepted. You couldn't stop smiling. Things were finally coming together. By the end of the night the house was yours. Dear Credence, Today was really hard, because I had this dream about you. I won't go into detail, but it was awful, and all I wanted was to turn over and hug you, but I couldn't. My mom and I went to the docks and watched the ships come and go, it was nice. I wish you could have been there. Also, I finally heard back about my interview! I got the job! I was so relieved to hear after three days of waiting. My mom and I went out right away to search for houses and I found the most perfect house, Credence. I can't wait to show it to you. I miss you so very much. It's harder every day. But only one more day until I come home, and we can hug and be together again. But when you read this I'll be coming home that evening! I hope you're okay. I haven't heard from you in a while and it's worrying me. I love you so, so much, my darling. I can't wait to be home with you. With so much love, Y/N To be continued....

PART FORTY-THREE 

[justagayguysworld-blog]

It was a job and it paid well, very well. The work was easy enough, but the real money was in the tips. That's why I jumped at the chance to sign up for a second summer of sun and fun off the California coast. Far as I know, there were no gay cruises at the time, so I guess that made Tim's little operation ahead of its time with his mostly male clientele. The Wet Dream was a nice boat with three staterooms, a big salon, full kitchen, two baths and a big ass Jacuzzi. I certainly could have lived comfortably on it, which is pretty much what Drake and I did that first summer.

Our longest "excursions" were 24 hours up and down the coast, and many were just day or night trips. Basically, I was a waiter in a swim suit whose only job was to keep Tim's "A" list guests happy. Did a lot of them hit on me? Of course; I wouldn't have been doing my job if they hadn't. If we had a full passenger list of thirty, I could easily make five-hundred bucks in a day. And I'd never spent a single night in one of those staterooms with anyone. That's why when Tim called me to say Drake wasn't coming back, I thought he had to be the dumbest fucker on the planet. Drake was good looking enough, but obviously not real bright.

"Hey, Tim. I hope I'm not overstepping my bounds here, but I wish you'd give me a couple of days to see if I can find his replacement. Obviously I know the ropes, you're hardly ever there, and it would be great to work with somebody I know and trust who won't get all pissy like Drake."

"You were reading my mind, Robbie. Look around and get back with me in couple of days. I don't want to do a repeat of Drake either."

After I hung up, I had an epiphany of sorts. I couldn't remember a time when Brett had ever owed me less than a hundred bucks. His car was a beater and always needing something. He worked at that stupid beach bar when he wasn't playing volleyball and obviously wasn't making jack shit. Plus he had a killer bod and wasn't a complete asshole.

I called. "Hey, dude, what's up? I need to talk to you. Come meet me for a beer."

"Can't, Robbie. Waiting on the old man to get off work and take me to get an alternator."

"Call him back and tell him to blow it off. I'll take you. And fuck that fucking piece of shit car square up the fucking tailpipe. I'll see you in half an hour."

After a run to the parts store, we went for a beer or six. I told him about the job and the pay, the hours, etc; "The only down side for you in this deal, Brett, is you won't be getting much beach time this summer. It's a full-time gig, but on the bright side, if you work that fine ass of yours off, you'll be driving a new car this fall. So do yourself a favor for once, call Jackie and give her two weeks' notice. Good as she's been to you, she at least deserves that.

We start June 1st, and now that you owe me two fifty, I'm taking it out of your first check, asshole."

I called Tim back the next day. "You owe me big-time for this one, boss man. I managed to snag you a Laguna volleyball God. He has wait staff experience, the body of death and he isn't Drake. I'll bring him by the office in a couple of days. He's giving two weeks' notice at his job tomorrow, and he can start with me on the first."

I thought Tim was actually going to cry when I came walking in with Brett. And Tim is straight. After they'd talked and Brett did his paperwork, the boss said, "Let's do a trial run on the 29th. I've got some friends coming in town anyway, so we'll take a full crew and go out for the day."

Brett was a natural. Tim's friends loved him almost as much as Tim, and it looked like smooth sailing ahead. Two days later we went live with a guest list of maybe twenty five. One of the last to board was an actor and his "friend." They'd been with us several times, alone and together. But we had a strict policy of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, and sure as hell, Don't Talk" about anything that happens aboard The Wet Dream.

"Isn't that...?" Brett asked.

"Yes, but like everyone else, he isn't here, and you did not see him."

"Didn't he just come out in that movie...?"

"Yes. Now put your tongue back in your mouth and go ask them what they'd like to drink. No autographs, either."

Then late Thursday night we were driving home. Brett said, "You know the guy who's some kind of a producer, the one with little round glasses and the ponytail? He tried to grab my ass this afternoon. I scooted out of the way and gave him the evil eye. I don't think he was even drunk."

"You're an idiot, Brett. Do you know who that guy is? Lighten up, dude. That little stunt probably cost you a fifty dollar tip. Looking like you look, do you really think Tim hired you for your bartending skills?"

"So, do you let them touch you?"

"Damned straight. Fuck, it's not like it's a big deal. How many times have I grabbed your ass? I know I've seen you grab a fistful of nuts at least a hundred times. If you wanna' make serious bank, you're gonna' have to play ball. And yes, the pun was intended."

He did seem a little more relaxed the next few days. We'd been on a 24 hour excursion until Sunday morning. People got really hammered, but it looked like everyone had a blast even if we were probably going to have to drain and power wash the Jacuzzi. I also made $425 in tips. Not bad for the beginning of summer.

I asked, "How much did you make?"

"$300. I would've made $400 if I'd let some dude blow me. He offered me a hundred bucks. I told him I was too busy. Does that ever happen to you Daddy Warbucks?"

"Sorry, I'm not having this discussion, Brett. You know the rules. What happens on The Wet Dream..."

"Stays on The Wet Dream. I hear you, Captain, loud and clear."

Because we'd been out all night, they needed to clean and restock Sunday. Monday was pretty sedate. It was only four hours and we were back by nine. I asked Brett if he wanted to grab some beer and go to the beach. We'd built a fire and were sitting there relaxing. Out of the blue, he pops off with, "I just don't want to freak out with some guy's dick in my, I mean my dick in his mouth. I need to try this someplace besides work first. If I went ape shit and decked some guy, I know Tim would fire me if you didn't. And I really want that car."

"Seriously dude? I know you must have some gay friends who'd love to suck your dick. I've seen it. They'd probably suck anything and everything you've got. Ask one of them if you'd like to get in a little practice.

Look at it this way. You carry some girl out to a decent dinner and a movie. How much does that set you back? Maybe forty bucks? Does that forty get you a blowjob or a date with your hand when you get home?"

"Sometimes I get lucky."

"Fuck luck. I'll take a guaranteed income anytime. I can't believe with that face and body, you've never even fooled around with another guy."

He started laughing. "Joey Gibbons did hunch my leg once in junior high. I smacked him pretty good."

I had to laugh at the image of that. "Brett, that isn't what I mean. Joey was a little porker who drooled and had asthma. Haven't you ever looked at some of the guys on the volleyball court and thought they were hot?"

"You mean like you?"

"Okay, sure. Like me I guess." Honestly, I really think I was only trying to prove a point. "So what if I put my hand on your leg like this and started rubbing up and down? Do you really feel like you need to smack me?"

"Maybe not if you kissed me first... I'm really serious, Robbie, I want you to kiss me." When he pulled me over on top of him, it didn't seem like he was joking.

"Okay, buddy. You asked for this." It was probably five minutes before either of us came up for air.

My brains were completely scrambled, but honestly I was considering doing it again when he looked at me and said, "More." An hour later, we took one last rinse in the water and headed home. On the way, he put his hand on my leg as we drove in silence. When I pulled up in front of his house, he didn't try to kiss me, but asked, "Next time, can we do this in bed? It's gonna' take me a week to get this sand out the crack of my ass."

I laughed and shook my head. "Next time?"

"Yeah, I think I could use more practice."

[neijayah]

Seoul, day 2 - Yeay....back to school, somewhat

The day started alright, after a short night. But the rest of the morning was to throw away. Unfortunately, EF gave me the new address, but like I already said, giving in the address in Google maps isn't helpful at all. I couldn't search for the address at all and just entering K-Tower wasn't really helpful either, as their seem to be tons of K-Towers in the same area. The ones it displayed weren't even the one I had seen in the YouTube video or were way in the south. So I took the one that was from this YouTube video. EF still had rooms their, but obviously not in work, as they've moved several km further down the street. So I downloaded Naver maps, to finally reach my destination, way later than expected and wanted. Probably would have taken just a few minutes if I had taken the bus, but it's more difficult than the train, which takes much more time. But everything turned out well. Obviously they tried to contact my parents, while I was on the way to them. They weren't really happy being woken around 3 am. 😅

After talking with a lot of staff and the CEO of the EF-Korea branch, we took a tour around Gangnam and ate at a super delicious restaurant. Not that I really needed a tour in Gangnam, as I stayed here before. Though, I usually don't take the back streets where all the parties are.

One of the conversations I had at EF was with someone to put me in the right class. Unfortunately, though I had taken a test beforehand, which I know I made a few mistakes in and couldn't do properly between workdays and preparing for the travel, I wasn't really good at understanding what she was saying. So she showed me two words and I just knew one of it. I was totally out of the language and couldn't do it properly. It's like throwing you into England after not having spoken the language for years, and deciding what you understand and don't understand by knowing one word. This system might need a few adaptations. And maybe communications between the teachers at home with those here in Korea would be the best. When I told the CEO how long I had lessons, he totally started off like I know Korean inside-out. Sure, I understood, what he was trying to say, but couldn't have explain every word. The struggle of being more than beginner.

After we returned from lunch and the Gangnam street tour, I received my work book, which was for beginners. Obviously, not knowing a few words got me into a much lower level as I actually am. Sorry, but you cannot know all words (which is my weakness anyway). But I'm much more advanced in grammar than most of my co-students, who cannot even pronounce the letters properly. But I have to admit, having had my first class there, was challenging. The teachers hardly speak any English to explain stuff, which can be good and bad. But according to a co-student they had skipped like 5 chapters in their books already just after having learned the letters. I don't know yet, if I will change classes next week or not. Thankfully, I have a more advanced class of my choice Thursday or Friday to see if this is more my level. And it's about cooking Korean. Not, that we will actually cook, but we'll probably discuss recipes and all the ingredients. That should give me at least some challenge.

At around 5:40 pm my classes were over and I could go home. Actually, the next day was supposed to be school as well, but they decided to do an excursion on that day (yeah....a lot of pictures coming your way), before meeting up in the evening for 치맥 (pronounced tshimaek: a combination of the words 치킨 = chicken and 맥주 = beer).

Before going home I found an Isaac Toast restaurant right over the street (not this one, it's just an example), serving the best warm toast sandwich in the world. My absolute favorite Korean dish. My teacher made them for me a couple of times. I love them. I will visit it and show you what exactly that is. I haven't yet found it as a street food version.

Afterwards I took the metro in brought daylight, changed one time, and when I left the station in Gangnam like 20 min. later it was night dark. So no pictures for this day and gaining the realization that I really have to be doing sightseeing on days off or weekends. But there are a lot of activities by EF on weekends and after school, that I'll have to skip on these, to see everything I want to see. Though one months sounds like a long time, but is really not if you think about that already half a week has passed, since I arrived here.

So tomorrow will be excursion day to the National Museum of Korea (국립중앙박물관) and the National Hangeul Museum (국립한글박물관).