#I'd say he just lives there now but honestly he's been living rent free in my head since the first time he appeared in the fic

[hiding-under-the-willow]

He's so horrible and scary and sad. And so obviously I love him and he's my favorite <3

@silverskye13 Your horrid little knight

[willowsnook]

When Love is Left Unspoken

max verstappen x reader

she isn't you i'd be insane not to love you

request from @formulaal

Pt. 2 here

"Alright, one more question from the chat," you said into your mic, scanning for a good one. One caught your eye, and you began reading it aloud before realizing it would reveal something from your past. “Would you choose a guy over your best friend?”

Laughing humorlessly, you looked into the camera with a tight smile. “Anyone who’s been here for a while knows how relevant that question is to my life. But my answer hasn’t changed: if you’re choosing a romantic partner over your best friend, you can get fucked. Thanks for tuning in, everyone. See you around.”

Logging off, you grabbed your water bottle and headed to the kitchen to refill it. Checking your phone, you smiled at the stats from the stream—10k of your fans tuning in tonight was a big turnout. You’d gone viral on BookTok back in 2020, and now, your book podcast had a solid following. Normally, BookTok didn’t bring huge numbers, but thanks to your former best friend, your popularity had skyrocketed. As grateful as you were, his part in your success irritated you now.

Then a notification popped up on your screen, and you rolled your eyes.

MV: Nice stream.

You: Fuck off

MV: Glad I’m still living rent-free in your head.

You: Glad you got permission to text me.

You threw your phone down on the counter, boiling inside. Nobody got under your skin like he could, especially after 20 years of knowing exactly how to do it. Growing up, it hadn’t always been this way. At 10, you’d moved with your family to the Netherlands, right next door to the Verstappens. Max quickly became your best friend, your weekends spent watching him kart. Never in your wildest dreams did you imagine things would end like this.

You met Kelly in 2018 at a race Max invited you to. Right away, you got weird vibes. She looked at Max like a toy she had to have. It was creepy, especially given the nine-year age gap. By 2019, they were dating, and she made it clear she didn’t like you, refusing to acknowledge your existence. That led to rocky times between you and Max; he always had excuses to avoid seeing you. When you were together, he seemed tense, as if being watched.

Everything fell apart in Australia 2021.

Flashback

Max invited you to the first race of the 2021 season, though you almost didn’t go. It felt obligatory, as if he invited you just because you’d never missed an opening race. You hadn’t seen him all winter, just exchanging quick holiday texts. Walking into the paddock, you felt a strange sense of finality, like this might be the last one.

Spotting Carmen outside Mercedes, you walked over and hugged her. As you stepped back, she looked worried.

“What’s up?”

She hesitated. “I thought you should know, Kelly’s been saying some nasty things about you around the paddock. No one believes her, but… I wanted you to know.”

“What is she saying?” you asked, heart sinking.

“She’s calling you pathetic, saying you’re still pining over your childhood crush and using Max to become an influencer,” she said softly, looking at you with sympathy.

“You’re joking,” you said, anger simmering. She shook her head.

“Can I be real with you?” She asked, and you nodded. “I love you and George loves you and honestly, everyone does. But I will accept not seeing you here anymore if you finally realize that Max is not being a good friend to you. And he hasn’t been for a long time.”

Eyes filling with tears, you let her words sink in. She was right, but admitting it was brutal. Maybe staying around him was just self-inflicted pain.

You found Max later, pulling him aside.

“I only have a few minutes, so make it quick,” he said, barely looking at you. Seeing him like this, you realized that the man in front of you wasn’t your best friend anymore.

“Your girlfriend’s telling people I’m a pathetic loser here to use you for fame,” you said, voice flat.

“I don’t believe that,” he mumbled, avoiding your eyes.

“Really?” you laughed bitterly. “You don’t believe that from your girlfriend—the one who’s disliked me since day one?”

“Seems like you have something to say, Y/N. Just say it,” he replied, finally looking at you.

“There was a time in my life where I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to live without you. But now I’m living it. Have the past ten years been nothing to you? All it took was an older woman to bat her eyelashes at you and that was it?”

He opened his mouth, but you cut him off.

“I’m not going to stand here and tell you that we had a good run and that I wish you the best. Fuck you. Fuck you for choosing her over me and fuck you for even letting it have to be a choice. I hate you.”

End of Flashback

That was the last time you had spoken to him. There were no texts or calls after that; his life just went on like normal while you felt like you were dying inside. You had thrown yourself into your work after that and now had over a million followers and subscribers to your podcast. You’d stayed friends with Carmen but hadn’t returned to a race since that day. You had tried to block the memory of that day from your mind, but when you were low, one thing always resurfaced in your mind. Kelly was right about you pining after your childhood crush. You had been in love with Max back then. How could you not be?

Then Carmen invited you to the Austin GP, and after much persuasion, you finally agreed. Thanks to your online following, you flew down with her, officially a Mercedes guest. Wearing Mercedes colors felt like poetic justice.

When you entered the paddock, a wave of nostalgia and sadness hit you. But it disappeared as you saw familiar faces you’d missed over the years.

"Y/N!" Alex called, arms open. Hugging him, you sighed, realizing how much you’d missed everyone. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Me too,” you admitted before greeting Lily, who gushed over your podcast and joked about being a guest. As you laughed with her, you noticed Alex subtly trying to block your view. Looking over, you saw Max walking by. He did a double take, but you turned back to Lily, ignoring his stare.

Later, as you waited for a coffee, you overheard Checo’s wife and Fernando’s girlfriend chatting.

“I heard Max and Kelly broke up,” Melissa said.

“Oh yeah, it’s been a few months,” Carola replied, shrugging. “Apparently, he was in love with someone else the whole time.”

You smirked. So Kelly finally experienced what it felt like to be second choice.

The race came and went, and you successfully avoided Max the entire weekend. You didn’t even think about the possibility of running into him when you accepted Carmen’s invitation to go out that night. George had actually wanted to go out, so you found yourself at a little country bar that night with what seemed to be the whole grid. You felt Max’s gaze the second you walked in, and you were doing a hell of a job ignoring him. Charles was trying to talk to him, looking confused between the two of you, but you didn’t care.

Ordering another gin and tonic you felt him come up next to you and you refused to look over.

“Put hers on mine,” Max said, handing over his card. You tried to leave, but he held out an arm to stop you.

“No ‘thank you’?” he teased, eyes intense.

You glared. “You can have it, then.”

“Stop being difficult,” he said, rolling his eyes. “You look good.”

“Can’t say the same about you,” you shot back, and his expression darkened.

He sighed. “Can we talk?”

“I said everything I needed to say three years ago. Have a good night.”

This time he let you go and you made your way back to Carmen who was looking at you with a raised eyebrow.

“You okay?” She asked, and you nodded.

A little while later, you were sitting at a table talking with Charles with Max hovering close by.

“Max, come sit down,” Charles slurred, and at this point, you were too tipsy to put up a fight about it. “Max is my best friend, ya know?”

“Ah yeah?” You asked head tilting. “Those words don’t mean much coming from him.”

Charles giggled, too drunk to understand what you meant and Max clenched his jaw looking at you.

“Insult me all you want schatje, as long as you’re talking to me I’ll take it,” he said and you didn’t say anything, just stared at him trying to figure out his angle.

“Is this the girl Kelly broke up with you over?” Charles asked and Max whipped his head towards him. “You always had a thing for her, so I told Alex that was my guess.”

Max’s face fell, and you froze. Shock turned into anger as you got up and stormed out. You felt Max following and soon he was in front of you, blocking your path.

“Come on,” he urged, leading you to a nearby park.

“Max, I don’t want to talk,” you said firmly, pulling away.

“I don’t care,” he replied, frustrated. “Tell me what I need to do to fix this.”

You laughed bitterly. “Crawling back because you got dumped? It’s too late.”

“It’s not like that.”

“You made your choice three years ago. Now live with it.”

“You want to know why we broke up?”

“I don’t really give a fuck,” you replied before turning to walk away.

“She isn’t you!” He yelled. Your legs stopped moving as your mind reeled.

Whirling on him you got into his face, “You don’t get to fucking say that to me. Not after all this time. Not after what you put me through. Not after you chose her over me. I was there the whole time Max. Me! I was there! It’s not my fault you didn’t realize that till I was gone.” 

“I realized it long before then,” he said softly, and you took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm yourself. Tears were starting to fall, and you looked everywhere but him. 

“Then why?” You whispered, voice cracking. 

“Because I wasn’t good enough for you,” he said laughing sadly to himself. “The pressure was starting to cave in back then and I didn’t want you to see that. I didn’t want to burden you.”

“You were my best friend Max,” you said exasperated. “I would have done anything for you.” 

“It’s easy to see that now,” he said. “But then you were so full of life and starting your little videos that I didn’t want to disappoint you. She understood what I was going through, but I never stopped loving you.” 

“Then why did you still push me away?” 

“I had to do that so that I could try and move on. She knew and she hated that there wasn’t anything she could do to change how I felt about you. I knew what she was saying about you in the paddock, and I knew why she was saying it.” 

His words hit you like a ton of bricks, and it felt like heartbreak all over again. “You knew and you let it happen. You are the worst person I’ve ever known Max Verstappen.”

He was crying now too and the two of you stood staring at one another not saying anything. 

“I would be insane not to love you,” he said softly and it made you cry harder. “So I will do whatever it takes for however long to make up for what I did.” 

He let you go again and you left him there, crying silently as you walked back to the hotel. So many emotions going through your mind paired with confusing feelings. 

Happiness for your 15-year-old self that has wanted to hear those words for so long. 

Sadness for your 21-year-old self reliving those memories. 

And anger at your 24-year-old self for considering letting him make it up to you. 

[nyoomerr]

Maybe some Omega Bingge for the drabble requests if you'd like? The ficlet you did of him making the nest lives rent free in my head

i'm glad you enjoyed it! i'd honestly love to do a longer omega!bingge thing some time, i love him so much... for now, here's something that's.. kind of the opposite of the one i wrote last time.

cw for omegaverse and Gender Stuff and mentions of female genitalia on a male character!

---

Proud Immortal Demon Way had many flaws, but top of the list had been that it had been an omegaverse - one of the few tropes in literature literally made for bad porn. It was a sellout’s last resort, and a reader’s most shameful pleasure, and -

“If you hate it so much, why are you still reading it?” Shen Yuan’s sister had asked him years ago, back when Shen Yuan had still bothered to complain to her about it.

Frustratingly, Shen Yuan hadn’t had much to say in response. He had reasons, but they were - not shameful, exactly, but the thought of speaking them aloud made Shen Yuan’s gut roil.

Luo Binghe was the picture perfect image of a stallion protagonist. Women fell to his feet with hardly a breath of effort, and his stamina in bed was unheard of, and he was naturally the best looking character Shen Yuan had ever laid eyes on. 

He was also, shockingly, an omega. 

An omega, someone born with instincts that would thematically tend towards feminine behavior, someone born with the bits meant for being bred, someone - someone altogether unfit to be a stallion protagonist, really. It was a massive subversion of the genres. 

Of course, Airplane never wrote it in such an interesting way. There were some interesting character arcs back in the disciple era chapters, but once Luo Binghe fell to the Abyss, they all fell apart. 

The very mention of secondary genders all but vanished. Sex scenes were as rampant as they were vague, enforcing the idea that Luo Binghe was a perfect stallion protagonist - always on top! - without giving any details about how the hell that worked. 

Useless! A waste of a perfectly fascinating subversion of genre and gender alike! Why bother even establishing an omegaverse world if you weren’t going to use the protagonist’s secondary gender at all?!

…Or so Shen Yuan had thought, until Luo Binghe himself had fallen straight into his bedroom out of a crack in reality. Because in person, Luo Binghe as an omega is - 

Shen Yuan swallows thickly, staring up at Luo Binghe with wide eyes. Luo Binghe meets his gaze evenly, his eyes half shut with a lazy sort of pride. His body is pressed close to Shen Yuan’s but not touching, and the mere inch between the lines of their bodies somehow feels more intimate than if Luo Binghe had outright plastered himself against Shen Yuan.

Shen Yuan can’t back up; his back is already against a wall. He can’t escape from the sides, either, because Luo Binghe’s arms are bracketing Shen Yuan in an honest-to-fuck kabedon, and - 

“Yuan-er,” Luo Binghe croons, jolting Shen Yuan’s attention back to him. “This Lord found your… notes.”

Shen Yuan’s mouth goes dry. “Ah… my… college notes?” He tries.

“Your notes about me,” Luo Binghe purrs. 

“O-oh,” Shen Yuan says, helplessly. He wrote… a truly horrifying number of things about Luo Binghe, before he ever thought he might meet him.

“It seems,” Luo Binghe says, leaning in so that Shen Yuan can feel his breath against his lips, “like Yuan-er has some questions.”

“Um,” Shen Yuan says, very intelligently. “Questions, uh, yeah, sure, right, like - uh, like I was wondering how you escaped the Crystal Bloodmoon Cave in chapter 347, because it just faded to black and -”

“Yuan-er doesn’t want to know how I might use an omega’s clit to fuck someone else?” Luo Binghe asks, voice low and dangerous. 

Shen Yuan’s mouth falls slack. What - what do you even say in response to that, ah!! Shen Yuan doesn’t swing that way!!

…Or, if Luo Binghe is an omega, that’s - it’s a bit different from just being a man, right? So maybe -

“I’d show you,” Luo Binghe whispers into the shell of Shen Yuan’s ear. “Anything Yuan-er wants to know about me, I’ll show you.”

Luo Binghe pulls back slightly, just enough to meet Shen Yuan’s eyes again. His expression is dark and intense and hungry.

“I’ll show you,” he says again, licking his lips, “so don’t you dare look away from me.”

Shen Yuan shudders, an electric shock running up his spine. Luo Binghe shifts, one of his arms moving away from the wall to curl around Shen Yuan’s shoulders, the claws of  his hand scratching lightly against the nape of Shen Yuan’s neck.

The touch is enough to shock some sense back into Shen Yuan.

“I’m not - I don’t have a scent gland, there!” Shen Yuan yelps, jolting away.

He doesn’t get very far. Luo Binghe’s feather-light touch turns sharp, a forceful grip on the back of Shen Yuan’s neck that keeps him in place. Luo Binghe’s other hand comes up to take Shen Yuan’s chin between his fingers, tilting it up to force eye contact.

“You don’t,” Luo Binghe agrees, his eyes glinting red. “But as Yuan-er has… so thoroughly written about, I’m an omega. I shouldn’t be scruffing anyone to begin with, regardless of what sort of scent gland they have. What difference does it make, if there’s no scent gland at all?”

Shen Yuan’s pulse is loud in his ears. He knows Luo Binghe must feel it under his hands, jumping like a startled rabbit.

“I - um, I don’t mean to imply you shouldn’t do what you want!” Shen Yuan cries. “I mean, uh - My Lord! My Lord, I - of course this lowly one wouldn’t know anything about what my Lord should be doing, so -”

“Shh,” Luo Binghe coos. “Yuan-er is right. I shouldn’t be doing this, and yet I am anyway. I always am.”

“Right,” Shen Yuan says nervously. He can feel the way his shirt is sticking to his back, wet with sweat. 

“But Yuan-er has questions,” Luo Binghe continues, his grip loosening on Shen Yuan’s neck but curling so that his claws are once more pressed into the skin there. “And I have answers. Isn’t it good of me to offer to show you?”

“Right,” Shen Yuan says again, barely thinking. Then Luo Binghe’s mouth splits into a feral grin, and his words process with Shen Yuan, and - “Wait, wait -!”

“No take backs,” Luo Binghe says, vicious and pleased, and proceeds to show Shen Yuan quite thoroughly what it means to be a stallion protagonist omega.

---

Later, staring up at his ceiling and feeling unfairly winded, Shen Yuan figures he doesn’t really have much left to lose.

“Do you want to be an alpha?” He asks the ceiling. “Er - did you? This whole time?”

Luo Binghe’s attention on Shen Yuan is as heavy and intense as if it were a physical touch; Shen Yuan knows without looking that Luo Binghe has not taken his eyes off Shen Yuan once since - 

Ahem. Since… finishing. What they had been doing.

Now, Luo Binghe reaches out to twirl a finger in Shen Yuan’s hair, round and round and round the short locks, tugging at it hard enough it’s nearly painful. 

“Being an omega was a very dangerous thing, in all three realms,” Luo Binghe hums. “It wouldn’t have been an advantage to me to act like one.”

Shen Yuan sits upright, quite suddenly feeling a bit panicked. “I - you didn’t have to - if you didn’t want to, just now -!”

Luo Binghe grabs more of Shen Yuan’s hair and pulls, tugging Shen Yuan back down into a prone position. 

“So earnest, little Yuan-er,” Luo Binghe croons, and Shen Yuan feels his face go blotchy and red. “You have no need to worry; if it’s Yuan-er, I’ll do whatever you’d like.”

“But if you want something different -”

“Then I’ll demand it,” Luo Binghe says quite simply. “I’ll do whatever you’d like, and you’ll do whatever I’d like; that’s what I deserve.”

Shen Yuan splutters a bit but ultimately fails to protest this in any meaningful way. Luo Binghe plays with Shen Yuan’s hair for another long moment.

Finally, he says: “If it’s you, I wouldn’t mind trying it the way it’s supposed to be, I think.”

Shen Yuan turns to bury his face in his pillow. What a terrible thing to say to him! What is he supposed to say in response! It’s too much, too much - Shen Yuan really can’t possibly be expected to know what the right reply is!!

“...Don’t force yourself,” he mumbles into the pillow. “It’s - like I said, I don’t have scent glands, or a secondary gender at all. There is no ‘way it’s supposed to be,’ if it’s with me.”

Luo Binghe hums. He leans onto Shen Yuan, digging his chin into Shen Yuan’s shoulder painfully. Shen Yuan doesn’t bother to push him off. 

“Good,” Luo Binghe says. “Then: whatever I want, and whatever Yuan-er wants, and nothing more.”

[caligvlasaqvarivm]

Wait what was that that Beforus Eridan being Kankri’s culler? What? How? Does that mean that candy red includes aquatic mutations?

Okay, so, this is PURE speculative headcanon and I debated over whether or not I should even say it, but it's pretty fucking hilarious so I figured I'd mention it with the heavy caveat that I made it all up & not to take it seriously, it's just a headcanon I believe because it's a really funny idea to me, and i do not at all consider this "canon" the way some of my other theories are. i hope you also find it funny

So the big difference between Feferi and Meenah's troll society is what "culling" entails; where on Alternia, culling means killing off the weak, orphaned, disabled, and/or lower classes, on Beforus, it means taking care of them. So the characters on Alternia that would've been slated for culling would, on Beforus, actually have lived very cushy lives where a highblood provides for them. It's still another way of enforcing the class divide, so it's still shitty, but I guess it's better than people being killed all the time.

Karkat is one of the most cullable trolls on Alternia for being a mutant not on the hemospectrum, and the only reason he has a symbol and lusus at all is because the Signless's followers prepared them for him. This is why Kankri doesn't seem to have a symbol or lusus, because a situation similar to the Signless never happened on Beforus, and instead, Kankri (and presumably Karkat as well) would've been culled, AKA taken care of by a highblood.

Another part of Kankri's characterization is that he fucking loves sea dwellers - he's actually pretty polite to Meenah, even trying to ingratiate himself to her via nautical references, and desperately, desperately wants to be pale with Cronus. This leads me to infer that Kankri was specifically culled by a sea dweller, and the law of conservation of detail (not a real thing, it's a trope name) leads me to further infer that Kankri was culled by one of our KNOWN sea dwellers, either Feferi or Eridan. And since Feferi was busy managing Meenah, it seems like the task would've fallen onto Eridan.

Now, I have a whole set of headcanons for what Beforus!Eridan was like, but as I tend not to speculate too much on AUs divested too far from canon, I'm only going to note the pertinent details:

Beforus!Eridan was very well-regarded by the population and had the same kind of standing as a major celebrity,

Many hundreds of sweeps ago, Karlkat Marx Karkat Vantas used to be Eridan's freeloader. Their relationship was extremely difficult to classify, and nobody really understood it (many assumed Eridan was culling him, but Eridan vehemently denied this, insisting Karkat just lived on his sofa rent-free and all expenses paid, like this was a normal thing for them to be doing),

Karkat was generally an absolute disaster in the romance department, having a long string of relationships up and down the hemocaste with his trademark Blurry Quadrant Bullshit, always sadly slinking back to Eridan's sofa at the end of his wild, vascillatory flings,

Karkat would write a massive scathing critique of Beforan society, its consumer capitalism, its casteism and classism, its power structure, etc. etc., which Eridan distributed posthumously, because unfortunately Karkat had the lifespan of a lime & passed away long before Eridan was even at the halfway point of his own lifespan,

Eridan was never the same, and while his public persona remained widely beloved, he became an interpersonal disaster in his private life, and Feferi handed him Kankri as a wiggler to cull in the hopes that it would get him out of his funk,

This Did Not Work At All and in fact fucked up a perfectly good wiggler

I mean, honestly, I don't think there exists such a thing as a "bad class," but I do think Princes should not be raising kids.

So Eridan, who, even in the best case scenario, has disastrous social skills and a fucked up sponge, had literally 0 idea what to do with this kid, and pretty much just threw money at it. It was pretty inevitable for Kankri to remind Eridan of Karkat, so most of what few conversations they'd actually have revolved around Karkat, especially Karkat's extremely fucked up romantic affairs, the recounting of which slowly shrivelled the Seer of Blood up like a raisin and made him decide that romance was really, truly not worth it.

At the same time, Kankri craved an emotional bond with his fucked-up adoptive dad, and the spark would sometimes come into Eridan's eyes whenever Kankri started talking about hemocaste equality. The guy who used to live on his couch would say things like that...

But this would also mean that Eridan was alive at the same time as his descendent, Cronus, so I'm pleased to inform you all that he managed to neglect TWO children, both his biokid and his adopted one. Hooray! As Eridan was universally beloved, Cronus always had a lot to live up to, and very little opportunity to be his own person, divorced of his status as a sea dweller or his ancestor's shadow. Hooray!

But the way it comes full circle is this: Canon!Eridan actually outright admits that his typing quirk is fake, calling it "weird" and dropping it when he's trying to be emotionally sincere. Thus, to me, it stands to reason that it's something he would stop using after he has his character development, and he stops caring about how a "sea dweller" is "supposed to" act. We see it happen with the other trolls, losing/changing their quirks to reflect big life events - Aradia dropping her 0s because she's not doomed anymore, Sollux losing his 2's when he loses his li2p. I've been struggling for a while with what Eridan would replace his quirk with after he drops his ww/vvs because it'd be kind of lame if he just had, like, basically nothing.

Also, I lowkey don't really vibe with Karkat ever using the sym69ls in text - he already resented his ancestor, and he'd especially hate the idea of using them after meeting Kankri. Hell, he's pretty reluctant to even type in his blood color even after everybody knows what it is. But then I realized - Eridan is already the guy on the team who dresses up in the colors of his dating partners. What if he replaced his ww/vv quirk with the sym69ls to show his support for Karkat?

Like yeah Karkat would hate it but it would also be literally so funny, and I think Karkat would be secretly comforted by the way Eridan would stubbornly insist that he's doing it FOR KARKAT, and not for the Signless or whatever, he's literally called Signless, that was like his whole thing idiot, this is Kar's symbol, shut the fuck up.

And also, genuinely, one of the things I'm most sad about missing out on was a conversation between Kankri and post-character-development!Eridan, because... can you fucking imagine? Here's Kankri, who actually loves sea dwellers and the caste system, who wants to be pale with Cronus so so so badly, yet is celibate by choice because he's a slut shamer (and in this headcanon, because he heard too many terrible stories about his ancestor's hellish dating life), who uses "social justice" as a cudgel and couches outright contempt for his friends in "polite" mealymouth language about equality...

... And then Eridan "these are my emotional support slurs" Ampora rocks up to the chat.

Even without the culler stuff, it'd be fucking hilarious, right? Eridan's insane and makes a lot of wild assumptions, but he's usually kind of right (he assumes Kanaya doesn't want to c3< him and Vriska because she's in <3 with Vriska, and he's at least right about the latter; he assumes Rose is highborn nobility, and, like, she IS a rich girl). Despite posturing about supporting the caste system, he doesn't actually give a shit about it, and arguing with him is basically a huge waste of time because he doesn't listen to people.

What I'm saying is, Kankri would be like "excellent, another sea dweller to befriend" + "finally, emotional validation from my distant father" & Eridan would immediately call Kankri a slur, ignore his arguments and rebut with something crazy like how "royal-v" is actually a more offensive term than "wader" because the former assumes sea dwellers have such delicate feelings that they can't stand not to have their globes kissed every five seconds, call Kankri a wader, ask Kankri why Kankri is hitting on him (Kankri isn't), proclaim that he and Karkat make out despite being moirails, and then start insisting that Kankri has to stop using his quirk because it's a quirk for Karkat and Karkat doesn't even like Kankri so Kankri doesn't get to use it anymore.

I think Kankri would start crying. Especially because a crowd has gathered and Kankri accidentally calls Eridan "dad" and Eridan is like i Don't know what that is.

Anyway the point that im making is the sym69ls were originally Beforus!Eridan's quirk because that was how he and Karkat used to curl up on the sofa together. 69. All cozy like. And that's where Kankri got them from and he decided to match his whistles to the motif. And after bullying Kankri into not using them anymore and taking them on himself, they go back to being Eridan's quirk. In a beautiful and stupid time loop of karma, the likes of which Homestuck is so fond of. Amen

[menlove]

any McLennon fic recs ?

CRACKS FINGERS

immediate rec is your lucky break by @forthlin bc millies writing makes me throw up and scream and cry and this is the fic that got us talking so!! also, young paul and dilf john and I eat it UP. also literally any of their fics are so so good. the latest one is our fic together so I won't rec it but... their writing in the john pov they wrote is soooo good so. I'll rec their half!

✨ = all time fave

just pulling from my bookmarks.......

grow old with me

Paul breaks his arm, and John panics

explicit. fix-it.

and when the broken bodies are washed to shore (who am I to ask for more)

“Jesus, took you long enough,” John says, adjusting the duffle over his shoulder. “Thought I might be out here til morning at this rate.”

For a second he wonders if he’s drunker than he thought, but no. As far as he can tell, it is still 1980, and he hasn’t seen or so much as spoken to John in ten years

mature. fix-it.

John My Beloved ✨

They've always loved each other, in their own way...

explicit. major character death. literally fucking killed me I sat there at 7am after staying up all night and teared up. I cry like. once a year.

i was a younger man then (now) (post hoc) ✨

John’s twelve when a bloke appears from a flaming pie and says, “From this day forward you are Beatles with an ‘a.’” The bloke is Paul.

Or: paul and john meet at all ages and eras and john is the time-traveler’s wife the way only john lennon can be

mature. fix-it. time traveler's wife au that lives forever in my mind rent free.

Stop all the clocks (by @javelinbk)

‘1967. After Brian dies, Paul decides not to go ahead with MMT, and takes John up to Scotland for a month instead.’

mature

Like Love, The Archers Are Blind

He wants to push Stuart out of the way, not even with a violent yank of his collar like he sometimes imagines. Just to melt into his place like butter sliding in a pan. Have it be an effortless breath of fresh air when John looks up at him and sees it all reflected back in his eyes. It’s you.

Hamburg, 1960

explicit

Boy, You've Been A Naughty Girl ✨

John makes Paul a bet. Paul takes him up on it. Crossdressing shenanigans and angst ensue, and ~feelings come out in the wash. 1961.

OR: boys in knickers, lots and lots (and lots) of sex, angst, homophobic slurs, schmoop. The Pineapple Club is fictitious. Originally posted on LJ in 2012

explicit. what can I say but whshwjjajjakak

I Still Miss Someone (series)

It's 1976 and Paul keeps showing up on John's doorstep with a guitar. Eventually John turns him away and Paul goes off to sulk in his hotel room the night before his flight from New York. Based on real events

explicit. not a fix-it.... real to me though

christmas lights (keep shinin' on)

"I'd have you," Paul said, eventually, and John felt the air being knocked out of him. "If it was different. If we were different."

mature.

two of us (burning matches)

It won't stop raining. Paul doesn't know what his feelings are doing. John's practising his right swing. Somewhere along the way, they fuse together

explicit. honestly literally everything by obstinatrix is 💖💖💖

one and one and one is three ✨ by @pauls1967moustache

Even with how badly he wants this, John wouldn't want it if he didn't think it would make Paul feel good. That's the point. It can be good, the three of them. It can work, if Paul lets it.

explicit. failed yoko/john/paul. also literally everything this author writes...... shout outs: a great threat (female paul/yoko w delicious mclennon in the bg) baby it's all relative verse (don't talk to me. the one time I've ever Ever in my life read foot kink and it???? it works??? they'd do this. I don't want them to. but this is real. entered my "psyche of john lennon" file. )

PROBABLY MORE....... but these are the ones that I keep thinking about and ruminating on.

[stargazer-sims]

Grandpa's Roommate

Grandpa: Hang on! I’m coming. Don’t beat my door down. People are so impatient these days, and… What the— What’re all those suitcases for?

Ira: Hello.

Grandpa: Who are you?

Ira: People in this community don’t say ‘hello’ as a form of greeting?

Grandpa: Are you selling something?

Ira: Are you Nikolai Pavlenko?

Grandpa: Depends on who’s asking.

Ira: I’m your new roommate. I replied to your ad, and you answered my email. You said to come here at this time.

Grandpa: But…

Ira: But, what?

Grandpa: You’re a… a woman.

Ira: Astute observation.

Grandpa: Well, this is awkward.

Ira: What’s awkward about it?

Grandpa: I was expecting a man. A man answered my ad. He was the only person who responded. University professor of mechanical engineering. A man called Bowden. Dr. Ira Bowden.

Ira: I’m sorry to disappoint you, but I’m Dr. Bowden. It’s not Ira, like an eye. It’s Ira, as in the diminutive for Iryna. Dr. Iryna Komarova-Bowden.

Grandpa: Oh.

Ira: Letting me take that English-sounding surname when I immigrated was the only useful thing my no good ex-husband ever did for me.

Grandpa: You’re Russian?

Ira: Hmm... I’m full of surprises.

Grandpa: I certainly wasn’t expecting that.

Ira: Is my being a Russian-Canadian a problem?

Grandpa: No, not at all. It’s just that you’re catching me off-guard for the second time since you got here. First, you’re a woman, and then… uhh… you know.

Ira: I don’t think you can dig that hole much deeper, Dr. Pavlenko.

Grandpa: Sorry. It’s just… I used to know a girl named Iryna Komarova.

Ira: Did you?

Grandpa: It was a very long time ago. We were... good friends.

Ira: That's not the tone most people use to describe good friends. Might she have been your lover, by chance?

Grandpa: I was a teenager. I didn't know what love was.

Ira: Do you want to know something? I used to know a boy named Nikolai. His mother called him Nika, and a day came when he let me call him that, too.

Grandpa: Uh... you can call me Dr. Pavlenko for now. Because... because we're total strangers and we just met for the first time today, and... maybe in a week or so we can graduate to formal first names. How about that?

Ira: I can see you're uncomfortable. If this isn't going to work out, I can leave. I'm sure my lazy son can be forced into coming back to collect me and my suitcases. Of course, I'll have to stay with him until I find somewhere else to live, since I already gave up my condo. Honestly, I'd rather go to the dentist every day for the rest of my life than to live with with him, but I'm sure I'll survive.

Grandpa: No, it's all right. Why don't you come in? I'll show you the extra room, and we can work out some details.

Ira: Who's going to carry my bags in?

Grandpa: I'll do it. I think I can manage a few suitcases. Do you have other stuff?

Ira: Yes, but it's in storage. I'll have it delivered later if we can come to an agreement.

Grandpa: Before we go in, let me introduce you to Fish. She lives here rent-free.

Ira: Your dog is called Fish?

Grandpa: She came from the shelter with that name, and she already answered to it. It's impossible to change it now. I don't make the rules.

Ira: How... interesting.

Ira: *to herself* Well, this is going to be an experience...

[batsplat]

ok, in light of casey and vale’s reunion at the ranch. what are your top 5 or maybe 10 motogp feud developments of the year? could be something like casevale link up or someone saying something insane or it could be some insane fact that you’ve uncovered this year which changed/added to your perception of some rivalry?

excellent ask. obviously I got sent this around the time of the actual ranch visit and prevaricated on answering it, partly because one of my personal top three feud related revelations had not as yet been posted. now it HAS been posted - and while there's other as-yet-unposted material that would probably make this list, I'll have a crack at it with what we've got lol. also, this isn't a particularly balanced list... because obviously 'stuff I've found out this year' is a pretty big caveat. I haven't found out that much stuff this year! generally it's been to do with sete/valentino tbh, and most of it is stuff I've been sent by other people. I've been slacking on doing my own feud research. so as much as I'd like to sneak in a dovi/jorge cameo or whatever, unfortunately there's quite a few feuds where we are currently in a bit of a stagnation period... no real advances in the field I'm afraid. I've decided to go for the nice and round number of six items as nobody's attention will last that long anyway. no need to overdo things

6. casey mentioning valentino's qatar 2007 head rub three times in his autobiography: okay, look, there's a slightly irritating element to this discovery in that... y'know. I could've figured this one out YEARS ago because it literally just relies on reading casey's autobiography closely enough. which you'd think I would have done by now. the process by which I cobbled this one together has been documented here, and now we obviously also have a lovely gif of the moment itself at our disposal. just to refresh everyone's memory, even the bloody photo itself made it to the autobiography:

I love this! casey's so deeply weird about valentino and he's so repressed about it and he lets it slip in such funny ways. such a short moment for it to live so incredibly rent free in casey's mind. as always, it is important to note that casey is not giving an accurate recollection of events. I have little way of knowing whether valentino was still friendly to casey away from the track - but I can use casey's own metric of direct post-race interactions and tell you categorically that valentino continues to warmly congratulate casey after early 2007. there's this fun little technique I use to assess casey's claims called 'the power of my own eyes'

mugello 2009 first time vale lost his home race in a bajillion years and this is how he acts with casey on the podium... let's start a conversation

the underlying reasons for why casey takes such liberties in narrativising the rivalry have been previously discussed in much depth in this parish - and as ever it is fun and neat to note how casey's narrative has become accepted because he has taken advantage of a prevalent narrative about valentino and his affinity for feuding. old tricks used against the teacher!! mainly, though, this kind of thing is a fun little reminder of how rewarding it is to do a lot of reading between the lines where casey is concerned. he does let a lot slip, if you know where to look

5. jerez 2024, the weekend experience: I was thinking about putting something related to the pecco/marc set-up for next year in this post but quite honestly I am increasingly pessimistic about how that will unfold. like,, I do think there's plenty of stuff there and that in this kind of scenario any two of prime jorge, casey and valentino would start stabbing each other, any two of prime jorge and valentino could get something going with pecco, and marc would start a war with any of those three. but I'm just not convinced about this specific combination... and sometimes it's a good idea to set your expectations low. so unfortunately we continue to have to rely on old feuds to keep us fed, which means that valentino's link to pecco somehow remains the most surefire source of narrative tension. I don't particularly like this state of affairs and maybe somebody below the age of 35 should start pulling their weight, but it is what it is. sometimes you just have to contend yourself with archival research. anyway, I really enjoyed jerez!! it was fun having valentino there for all that stuff, the marc/pecco duel was only second to jorge/pecco sepang in terms of on-track thrills, plus repeatedly cutting back on marc does kinda feel like #heritage at this point. grateful that bez moved his ass once this season to get valentino to parc fermé

but above all I really enjoyed that valentino description of marc - how marc attempts to show his superiority over his opponent and that 'when he sees that you are less strong or are already bleeding, he bites harder'. that's lovely stuff. obviously valentino is correct in his assessment of marc... but what makes the whole thing more fun and dramatically juicy is that especially that second part is even more true of valentino himself. valentino sniffing out weakness is basically his entire MO as a rider, including in very practical terms how he likes to study and put pressure on his opponents during races. he's also someone who's always liked to attack from a position of strength - you see this most obviously in the 2008-09 period and it is something jorge himself acknowledges quite explicitly in his biography. idk, something about seeing a little bit of yourself in your enemy... and yeah, 'biting your rival harder when they are already bleeding' is just such a poetic little phrase that I've made heavy use of it since then. old man's still got it

4. what hrc was told at qatar 2004: this is another one of those slightly annoying ones where I suppose I theoretically could have found this out years before I did, but. having finally had the chance to watch the footage from that route 46 route 93 documentary and the bits about sete, twas very much worthwhile. I really enjoyed what valentino said, just a nicely rich text especially given the scarcity of comments he's made since 2004 - but I was particularly interested in the testimony from juan martinez, sete's crew chief. both of which are discussed in some depth here. as far as I can tell, martinez did quite literally say him and sete talked to hrc about the little grid rubber trick valentino's team pulled, which?? he claims it's for 'safety reasons' to try and convince them everybody needed the track cleaned - which is all well and good, but you don't need to be a witch to guess what hrc was going to do with that information

this testimony plus a few more details I've unearthed but haven't posted - primarily relating to the actions of fausto gresini and other honda bigwigs that day - make me increasingly convinced that valentino did have a legitimate grievance at qatar. including directed towards sete. obviously, the manner in which he responded to said grievance was still completely mental... but idk, I'd always had a sneaking suspicion that there had to be something to valentino's accusation. which makes sete's arc throughout that 2004 season and especially from qatar to sepang even more interesting!! I do think he wasn't being entirely honest in that sepang presser, but I also think he panicked a bit for fairly understandable reasons. idk obviously this is just such a fascinating few weeks for everyone involved, so I'm thrilled how I've found out so much more about that time period in such a short amount of time. again, mostly not off the back of my own research!! but I am grateful for what I have been allowed to Divine

3. valentino's podcast adventures: I still haven't talked properly about what valentino said about jorge but I will and I should, because those bits are all pretty enjoyable and fit into the rivalry write-up I did earlier this year. also, the casey stuff was excellent!! more of the valentino ambition vs casey talent theme, plus just some fun descriptions of laguna 2008 I will absolutely integrate into my long post about that race. nothing NEW exactly, but it's always nice having someone confirm your working. and the marc stuff was really fun!! obviously I was particularly keen on the alzamora stuff because I've always felt like there had to be more to his role. the argentina 2015 stuff is just really interesting in relation to what jorge has said (perhaps reflecting paddock gossip at the time question mark) that marc felt valentino deliberately made him crash, so you get into this excellent mutual j'accuse situation. and assen!! obviously valentino's description of marc's attitude isn't particularly novel since it does chime with what we have actual footage of in the presser, but the idea of a private lil confrontation is so much fun. especially paired with marc saying at sachsenring he felt assen was his best race of the season!! 2015 is one of the best puzzle box seasons to try and unravel what 'really happened' and why - and we really haven't gotten new details from one of the two blokes involved that often over the years. always appreciate some additional insight

and obviously the best bit - zero mention of sete. friendships, rivalries, even feuds can fade... curses last forever

2. the 'ciao sete' shirt valentino wore in 2004: which has now been posted here, god bless. this has been living rent free in my mind for weeks at this point, not a day has passed where I haven't thought about it. it has singlehandedly made motogp-blogging on this website worth it because I doubt I would have ever discovered it myself. I love this so so dearly. look at this absolute cunt

a third t-shirt has hit late 2004 feuding towers

first of all, that's a dyke aunt. that is a mother. some deep concentrated evil lesbian energy. I'm not straight but he can get it. second of all, what the FUCK is wrong with you. the best part is that this has been sent to me along with a steady diet of extra details confirming they were like. properly properly friends before all this shit went down, which makes every additional feud-related revelation particularly wild. they were close!! it's so brutal, it's so malicious, it is INCREDIBLY funny and I laugh every time I see those photos. I love the playful edge, the double meaning of 'bye thirst', that marriage of joy and cruelty that is so quintessential to the arc he goes on that year. just having a laff... one dead, dozens injured. I feel like I increasingly have a handle on why valentino went SO far with sete and what it was specifically about losing to sete that drove valentino nuts, which does also leave me with rather a lot of sympathy for poor sete in all this. endless ritual humiliation is one hell of a punishment for your former friend to inflict. that being said, unfortunately it is also hilarious. ah well

1. CASEY VISITED VALENTINO AT THE RANCH: casey!! visited!! valentino!! at!! the!! ranch!! CASEY VISITED VALENTINO AT THE RANCH. out of NOWHERE too, just suddenly opened tumblr to a bunch of asks and messages on a random sunday evening. I'd previously expressed myself sceptical on the vale/casey dinner front, feeling rather safe and secure in the knowledge they had not done so in the twelve years since casey's retirement. which, y'know. fantastic timing, lads. but I still think my reasoning mostly holds up - obviously, this was a more casual 'valentino harassing casey into sticking around' affair and not quite the soul-searching soul-baring exercise in exorcisms casey might be looking for. and idk, just vindicating of my general read of that relationship. casey's feelings towards valentino are extremely complicated - this weird cocktail of how he feels about valentino as a person and then valentino the character and also valentino the literal embodiment of the sport. valentino doesn't hate casey... and crucially, he also does not seem to particularly mind casey's bi-yearly habit of talking shit about valentino. I mean, come on, SOME of that stuff must get back to valentino. I'm consistent in my stance that - while casey obviously has plenty of legitimate grievances - I do also think valentino could reasonably take issue with some of the ways casey has characterised valentino and their rivalry. if valentino has his complaints, he's clearly not about to share with the class - and there's really not any bitterness whatsoever in how he's talked about casey these last few years. he's content to pass the reigns to casey in narrativising their rivalry to the public. pretty interesting, no?

idk, I like how true the entire ranch visit felt to their dynamic... valentino might have done what he needed to do to beat casey, but there was never any real personal animosity on his end - at most their intense bickering during 2010-12, but even there it was never that serious to valentino. and now, that's all done with as far as he's concerned... the door is open, if casey wants it to be. and casey, always just a bit more cautious and wary and far more conflicted, who clearly still has all these grievances relating to valentino he needs to share with the world... but when they're actually face-to-face, those have always had a habit of falling away. valentino in all his boundless enthusiasm and sincere belief that casey is as good a rider as they come, dragging around his erstwhile rival to proudly show him around his precious home. and casey, who once idolised valentino and perhaps even wished they could have been friends, allowing himself to be dragged along. it was sweet... it warmed my cold dead heart. I liked it. and I am going to laugh very hard indeed when casey gives his next interview discussing how valentino taught him about the horrors of the human condition

[orionangeline]

I'm going to complain on Tumblr while I procrastinate an unpleasant task (that I'm complaining about)feel free to read and say to yourself girl you live like this

So! I rent an apartment and my youngest sibling (17) lives with me, for reasons. I'm 24, btw. We both have ADHD and depression (his is worse than mine, though, and he has to take medication). These are important context to give background on how wholly fucked our chores can get. I work full time and he's dropped out of school this year and is aiming for his GED (he says) so in theory since he's at least home more than me he's supposed to do the daily type chores... Dishes (in the dishwasher), vacuum, litter box (two cats), take out trash, keep his room clean

I pay the bills, do the shopping, do the cooking, do the laundry, and often on my days off I try to do whatever general stuff I can

But yeah stuff gets forgotten sometimes it's whatever but I swear to God this boy is like the mold messiah or something?? Like don't leave dishes in your room until they mold. If that's a thing you struggle with don't bring dishes that can mold into your room! Like a few times when you're struggling, we've all been there, but you gotta build workarounds fr. All of my silverware is in there. And the kitchen sink! Also moldy! All the time! Half of my days off are spent just un molding my sink 😭

and he doesn't take the trash out very frequently (like the bag out of the can. He always just puts the bag by the door and I have to take them to the dumpster when I get fed up) so now half my day is going to be un molding my trashcan bc I don't know WHAT happened in there but it's a foul moldy trash juice now. I'm this close to throwing away the whole thing ngl like I don't have much money to replace it but I mean it's pretty bad.

I've put the whole trashcan in my bathtub (which I'll also have to spend time decontaminating now) but honestly my nose is really sensitive and I just. Dont want to do something this gross that I shouldn't have had to? I mean he's 17 I know I need to double check he's doing his chores but my guy. Why did you let it get this bad without saying anything. Ugh I pulled the trash bag out of the can and it had a brown film clinging to it.

The can has a pretty tight fitting lid, so I didn't notice the smell until I opened it, but by then I was committed. Now I'm less committed ngl. Its a good trashcan that doesn't deserve what happened and I want to rescue it except like. 😭 Its Gross 🤢 I can tie a bandana around my face to help a little but it's strong and also I'll have to hose it out then like reach my arm in there??? To scrub? I have bleach but bleach doesn't kill mold, and I only have a little container of vinegar (apple cider vinegar). I'm talking myself out of and into this task. Someone kill me before I have to decide what to do.

And I'm on my period. And little brother is apparently having a rough day (from when I texted about his atrocious load the dishwasher abilities)so I can't call and complain about the trashcan. And technically it's not his job. I mean it seems like it would be part of the whole thing but not technically I guess.

And like I already did a lot of stuff today and I have cramps and a headache and I just wanna watch kdrama with my heatpad

Throwing out the trashcan is probably a cop out. And I've had to do this before with pots and pans and Tupperware and it's honestly like. If it wasn't as bad I'd just make him do it when he gets home from our aunts house (where he offered to do chores (bc her (40yo) husband (like 70yo) died)) but making him clean it feels like idk child cruelty or something. Some sort of abuse. So I should throw it out. But then we won't have a trashcan. But we shouldn't have one if we can't take care of it? But the dumpster is on the other side of the complex and it's cold out and the trashcan is heavy and stinky. But I need to shower tonight bc I have work tomorrow and I can't shower after 6pm (it's 2:30pm) or my hair won't dry by bedtime. So whatever I do I need to start it within like an hour.

Basically kill me now

[hazbinshusk]

first of all hai hello i updated my pinned post if u wanna know more ab me n the shit i'm into second of all i canNOT stop thinking about the dancing scene. soft blitz is real and i LOOOOVE it with this new material i'm thinking about what his love languages might be... hmmm... i mean acts of service for sure i saw one post, though i can't remember who it was from- they talked ab the idea of blitz's love language being like- giving attention? mayhaps? anyway that aside, now that i'm somewhat geared up for writing, it'll probably be just a bunch of self-ship dialogue and rambles for blitz x the hopeless romantic and sensitive sinner but I'M SO EXCITED????

this COULD be an idea for you, i might write something for it as well, but i think a good start could be introducing/combining christmas/holiday of choice and sinsmas traditions, like different foods or activities, that could give you some soft stuff to branch off of since the holidays make me feel warm n comfy-cozy sometimes :3

thought about making pinterest boards again,,, i'd be happy to make some for stuff you write or for help with scenes or settings if you want cuz i REALLY like making pinterest boards and it helps me a lot with my idea process,,, it may not be exactly what you envision because we're different people n all that but maybe just for funsies :3

sorry this is like a whole sandwich worth of shit but i woke up with the need to WRITE !!

clo! I meant to reply to this and then I was like, no, wait 'til you have enough time to answer it properly and then got distracted by the holiday and whoops it's midnight but here I am! 😅

that dance has been living rent free in my mind since I watched it. I feel like I've watched it at least once an hour every hour since then?? because they're just so soft and warm and blitz's voice in the scene and omg brandon how do you go from "get your hands off my bottom biiiiitch" to the softness of "only as creative as you were flexible" and not expect me to like, die?

I feel like blitz has like, most of the love languages in his repetoire, which is ridiculous considering how emotionally constipated the lizard usually is lol. I think definitely physical touch and acts of service, and I'd say quality time too (having moxxie and millie days on his calendar, and honestly in the last episode words of affirmation seems like a big one (honestly, not a surprise when you look at how he talks to his loony-toony lol). I wouldn't be surprised if he hits all of them and gift-giving is one too, even if they're weird gifts. Like his version of a cat bringing you dead things because it loves you lmao.

I can't wait to see what you come up with! I feel like I'm not seeing as much blitz x reader content as I was when I first joined the fandom, which makes me sad. I need more of it!

It's so funny that you're idea is so similar to that christmas fic request I just put out today lol. I definitely need to write more cuddly blitz fics, just curled up together and sharing space. ugh, little gremlin man I love yoooou.

that would be amazing! I've never really had anyone make anything based on my writing! (I had a friend who would make banners for me back when I wrote spuffy fic for buffy the vampire slayer though). I would love to see what you come up with - it'll tell me how accurate my descriptive writing is lol!

Happy holidays bb!

[the-story-dragon]

Amaran (2024)

My parents took me out to the movies after an exhausting week of exams. I had no idea what were watching, knew nothing about who was starring and absolutely knew zilch about the plot. My mom just told me that she was sure that I'd like the movie very much. And I can tell you now, I liked the movie very much indeed.

The direction and the story-telling were just amazing. Mukund's and Indhu's story was so beautiful to watch. The way their relationship blossomed and how they fought through the hurdles was heart-warming. Knowing how the movie was going to end made all those scenes that much more precious, that much more meaningful. Of course I knew how the movie was going to end. It's a movie based on a soldier in the Indian Army. There was only one place this movie was going and I knew that really well.

Mukund was driven and passionate. His love for the army and his dedication towards serving the country, no matter what anyone else said was inspiring. There was none of that typical Indian film hero-worship, at least not too the extent where it was unrealistic. Whatever was portrayed in the movie in terms of the respect the soldiers had for Mukund, how his family treated him and how his in-laws treated him all did feel quite realistic. That being said, I felt as though the dialogue-writing in some places was just meh? There were many places where the dialogues were flat and just tweaking the words here and there may have made it more resounding? I don't know. That's just my non-expert opinion.

In terms of the acting, Sivakarthikeyan did an okay job. It wasn't spectacular or anything. I've seen other actors emote better. But, he did play his role well. It was nice to see him move away from his comfort comedic-acting to a more serious one such as this. This must have been such a great opportunity for him and I like the growth. Perhaps doing more of such movies will get him the exposure that he needs. His efforts have to appreciated.

Sai Pallavi on the other hand, man, what an actress! She was just so damn spectacular in this film. Every scene that she was in was just such a pleasure to watch. This woman knows how to EXPRESS. She knows how to EMOTE. I laughed with her, I became excited with her, and I cried with her. Honestly, her acting really did carry the movie a good distance. That scene in the bathroom, that scene with the phone call, those last few minutes of the movie, will forever live rent free in my head. She has done such an AMAZING job and I can't wait for her to win awards for her role in this film. She deserves it.

The fact that this movie is based on real-life events, makes it that much more heartbreaking. When the title of the film popped on to the screen, I already had an inkling as to how this movie was going to end. 'Amaran' means 'immortal'. And I can now see why they the named the movie so.

I am and will always be such a sucker for military movies.

Overall, 9.4/10

Docked a few points for the pain and anxiety this movie put me through.

100% would recommend. Will definitely watch again for the plot and for Sai Pallavi and for Sivakarthikeyan (he really is one of my favorite human beings)

I'm gonna go and get my hands on the book that was written about Mukund Varadarajan.

Watched On: 14/11/24

[rising-volteccers]

hellooo, it's star anon once again! 🌟

i am going to cry! i just opened tumblr to destress, and i did not expect to see you write out the murdock prompt i sent in that quickly. it was so timely because my friend actually invited me to hang out with her at a japanese café today after class, especially when she learned about how i was feeling. she specifically chose a place that had my favorites, like matcha and really great katsu!

i was preparing for bed when i read your piece, and oh my goodness, it felt like experiencing my café date all over again. it also reminded me of my parents who LOVE cooking for our family. it's been a few days since i've seen them since i stay at a dorm.

gosh, i love you and your writing! i could vividly imagine each scene happening in my head and it made my heart super warm. murdock is really like a giant, comforting hug personified (and well, look at him!) and i definitely felt that coming through. we all deserve a murdock in our lives. 🥺

also, i liked your addition of friede headcanons! i haven't mentioned it yet, but honestly, all your headcanons for friede make so much sense to me. ever since i've fallen in love with his character, i always want to know more about his story and personality. of course, since it's still rather early to reveal certain things in the series, i rely on my imagination or what others think when it comes to his character.

your perspectives in particular intrigued me, as well as prompted me to follow and read through your blog in the first place! my favorite is the one about friede being the burnt out gifted kid. i also like that you have takes from a neurodivergent standpoint, because it also helps me understand neurodivergence in a way. i've been doing my best to educate myself more about it, and ND media representation (whether explicit, unintentional, etc.) is a topic i frequently encounter in the process.

anyway, that got long...i wrote this instead of sleeping! 😅 i really do love and appreciate your blog. thank you as well for the small motivational message! i'm definitely doing a little better now. i have one more class to go before i can relax over the weekend and watch the new ep, so thanks for the little boost! 🫶��

Aww I'm glad that you enjoyed it! It sounds like you had a wonderful time at the cafe too with your friend! Nothing like a good meal to destress I'd say!

My writing muse comes from whatever it is that snags my attention, and the prompt certainly did just that! I'm a sucker for characters who take care of one another, especially if it involves Friede in some manner. What can I say, he's been living in my head rent free all this while.

Aww thank you for reading and liking the headcanons! Honestly, in a way it's how I cope. I'm not in a position to get a proper diagnosis at the moment but I've come to understand that I'm by no means neurotypical. Friede really caught my attention with his forgetfulness, and while I know it's likely a running gag, my mind latched on and never let go since haha.

I'm glad to know that! May the rest of you classes this week go well and your weekend be relaxing!

[jpeg-dot-jpeg]

questions for a fic writer ask game ask!! 5 for Having a Me Party, 7, 33, 42, and 44 please!! <3

5. What do you wish someone would ask you about Having a Me Party? Answer it now!

Okay, honestly, it's been so long since I posted this?? It was one of those things that was more of a writing exercise than anything else, and it blew me away how much people liked it. To this day, it is one of my most popular fics and I want to ask, what is it about that story that people like so much? Is it the angst? The drugs? The relationship between Jason and Tim? I'd love to know!

7. Any worldbuilding you’re particularly proud of?

Besides all of my corefour stuff (which is soooo much fun to write and I'm pretty proud of it) I'm giddy about a fic I haven't actually posted yet, but will be coming up very soon, which is an urban fantasy BatFam fic ft. vampire Tim. Here's a sneak peak <];)

He took extra care to ensure his undersized fangs went in at the right angle. There was her soft hiss of pain, the rush of venom out through his fangs into her body, then he began to drink. They let out twin moans, Tim from the flood of hot liquid over his tongue, Stephanie from the high of vampire venom hitting her system. “Ahhh, that’s the stuff,” she groaned, melting like butter into the couch cushions. The venom did its work triggering her muscles to relax and her brain to release a wave of oxytocin. The extra erythropoietin proteins would encourage the stem cells from her bone marrow to become red blood cells to replace what she had lost. With that extra kick to her system, it would be safe for her to give blood again in just a couple weeks, as opposed to the 2 months it would take without venom. As much of a parasite as he felt like depending on others to keep him alive, the benefits of his venom were undeniable. They kept vials of it in the batcave specifically for times when grievous injuries on patrol resulted in extreme blood loss. Vampires’ natural immunity to most blood borne diseases also came in handy. Tim wasn’t opposed to weaponizing his biology either. Whenever someone - usually Bruce or Dick - refused to take a much needed break, Tim would be sent in. He’d bat his eyes and say, in the most bashful, sheepish way possible, “I’m really hungry. Could I, umm, feed from you? Just a little bit?” And his dear family members would fall for it every time, offering their arms to him without hesitation. Then, the second the venom hit their systems, they’d be out like a light.

33. If you write chaptered fics, what’s your ideal chapter length to write? Is it different from your ideal chapter length to read?

My ideal chapter length to read is as much as the writer is willing to shove into my gaping fic hungry jaw (though I generally hope for anything upwards of 2k words). My ideal chapter length to write is probably 3-5k? I get really proud of myself whenever I manage more than that, but at least 2k is what I shoot for.

42. Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

I love and appreciate every single comment that comes my way, even if it takes me 3-5 business months to respond to them lol. It always makes me excited to get a comment from another fic writer, bc that is some top notch validation right there. I really love any comment that engages with the content of the story and asks for more details, my thought process, or what I'm going to do next.

My most memorable comment, however, was one a long time ago for a fic I can't remember, but the commenter saw a chapter update and was like 'lol its 2 am and i have to get up at 5 to drive somewhere but i saw this update and had to read it immediately' and i was like 'lol thank u i love actively making my readers lives worse <3' and then the next day they were like 'i crashed the car.' I was like hello??? but then didn't receive a follow up comment on that, so that exchange just lives in my head rent free

44. If you take/write prompts: do you prefer dialogue or scenario/narrative prompts?

I think I'd prefer more general prompts. I like encouragment that gives me lots of wiggle room, especially if its enough to work the prompt into a story I already have going. I have sooooo many wips and ideas, so I really appreciate the motivation to focus on a specific one at a time <3

[kitten4sannie]

groupie anon is back to say that that seonghwa fic.... ngl I was so anxious about them going at it in reader's workplace but you gotta do what you gotta do sometimes. ALSO I READ THE YUNHO ASTRONAUT ONE- I... that was not very cash money of you ngl.

You deserve to be hyped up um??? giving us all this for FREE?? (my broke uni student self thanks you, on my knees, bowing to you like the angel you are).

also don't mind if you find this account hahah, i just like being groupie anon hehe. I already made my kpop account but I'm waiting to write that fic first before I start being active on it!

honestly, your response to my idea was so wholesome, I might cry. I planned on going home and watching the lectures I've missed while I was in class, but uni can wait. sannie sick fic cannot. I will birth it today no matter what. NO MATTER WHAT.

I got into ateez a bit late but they're one of my ults along with seventeen, but sannie has been a consistent bias. I like to say I don't really have biases and it changes everyday, but san.... he's... yeah. he's made a home for himself in my head. living rent free. slay. but no seriously I'm dtf any day, any time, anywhere. however he wants. I would do questionable things for that man. ehem. moving on. I'd crawl on the floor like a dog and- ANYWAY... other than san though, the rest kind of fight for the bias position everyday.

us as public penpals??? shut up that's so fjfufbhs CUTE im melting. I can't wait to write that fic now hahaha.

thank you for your kinds wishes, I really hope uni goes easy on me this year :").

I hope all is going well for you!!! until next time :* (maybe next time would be through my actual account, rather than as groupie anon! ^^)

heyyyy yeah i feel like the reader’s going to be having a meeting with her boss whenever she gets back sjhsdgd ohhh the astronaut yunho one 🥺 yeah that was the exact opposite of cash money i hurt my feelings so much after i wrote that ;;; but that kind of angst hurts just right sometimes 💔

it may be for free but i get paid in praise so that’s a win in my book 💕 hshdhd don’t awaken anything in me nowww and i’m def not an angel in any capacity more like a goblin that sits in its den and writes filth in the darkness loll.

i have some ideas but i’m not completely sure! oooh okay i can’t wait till you start posting! awwh haha i just really liked that concept you came up with it’s just so insanely fluffy and domestic i want to cry happy tears 🥹 ahhhhh sick sannieeee i can’t wait to read it!! i’m so excited dude

ooh seventeen i like a lot of their music! i can’t pick a bias tho there’s just too many and my mind can’t make a decision jshhs but vernon tho… that man could get it. who’s your seventeen bias btw? yeah i feel that in my bones like san is just something else like i could write a 10 page mla essay on why i love him and how delusional i am for that man but i won’t for everyone’s sake 👍🏼 “crawl on the floor like a dog” FOULLLL but same like where’s the leash? it’s time for walkies - i’m just gonna stop talking now… but same i can’t pick where it comes to the rest of them they’re just too powerful 😔

it is really cute huh??? i’m so glad you decided to send me an ask bc i’m loving this! but if you wanna dm too i’m 100% down for that <3 you’re welcome and i hope it does too hang in there and just take it one day at a time <3 it’s def not the best but it’ll get better soon! oooh sounds good i’ll be looking forward to your next ask 💕

[unboundtravels]

This fucking sound from tiktok just gave me so much visual stimulation regarding multi-doctor interactions. With November right around the corner, too, we're about to get a ton of anniversary multi-doctor stories, or at least... I assume so (looks at the big finish) so allow me to indulge in some One/Sixby/Bond/Scarf Four Doctor RAMBLES. If ever I wrote a fic about these four going on an adventure together, I would absolutely indulge my inner fan and use my incarnations as stand-ins for Hartnell/Troughton/Pertwee/Baker for that 1 - 4 multidoctor story we were denied. Although! Giving it my own spin is certainly a fun idea. I resist the urge to tag my players in this headcanon, because after this weekend's session— the idea of One needing to be put on a leash lives rent-free in my head. Watching her three future incarnations struggle to keep up with her is such a funny idea to me. 

Additional rambles under the cut. Use this audio if you run out of claim, because honestly same vibes.

Just for reference. It's these four idiots.

Just imagine the idea of the exact order of Sixby meeting Bond, then Bond meeting Scarf. The absolute whirlwind of designs from cosmic Hobo Rat into Suave Secret Agent and then finally rounding it with insane Sherlock Holmes is probably why One is thankful that no one gets to remember multidoctor stories. Whether or not The Three Doctors happened in my timeline is also something I have to deal with. Do Bond and Sixby remember each other? And if so, is this a Sixby and Bond from before that meeting? Even though I like Two/Three being friends in canon, I'd probably leave it as a first meeting for everyone. If we take T3D's into account then I'd have everyone sort of... hounding Scarf the whole time, since he's the "latest model" relative to them. And I don't like when Multi-Doc stories dwell on the future too much. It's supposed to be a fun look at the past! Or at least, a subdued one, anyway. I'm always there for the character interactions.

One: Unhand me this instant!! Explain who you are!! All of you! Scarf: Please, just relax— One: Don't you patronize me! I know what you are! All those BLUE BOXES! I recognize a time capsule when I see one!! <She points towards Sixby, who suddenly shrinks in fear.> You. Explain.  Sixby: Erm, ah. Well. It's like... this... you see, all of these people— well, not all of them— or— well, we're all you... Do y'see? Bond: Oh good lord, what the little troll is trying to say is that all three of us are your future regenerations. We've been pulled out from our time zones. Whatever the reason's yet to be determined.  One: ... No. Scarf: Yes :)

It's extremely hard to imagine how a story between these four would even ultimately play out. I have trouble thinking up a plot, but perhaps some kind of pseudo-sequel to The Three Doctors, or something involving The Timelords sending the four on a mission together is the only likely scenario. This can easily explain how Sixby and Bond are collected, as the two have extenuating circumstances in which they are imprisoned by Timelords, while One and Scarf would have to be acquired remotely by either The Director of The CIA or by The President of Gallifrey. However, it absolutely does happen, meaning that the four have to try (very difficult) to work together in order to get back to their normal times.

One: Now, enough dilly-dallying! Let's get a move on! So I can be rid of you three​​​​​! Bond: Good lord, woman's got fire. Sixby: Is this how they [the first team] felt?  Scarf: We should really be asking if this is how people still feel.

Around the early to mid-70s, The Doctor started using The Sonic Screwdriver more. It becomes multipurpose, and while One and Sixby did acquire one during their era in this timeline— the idea of their reactions to how frequently Bond and Scarf use theirs is just. 

Scarf: We should take some readings. Bond: Quite right. After you, then.  <They pull out their sonic screwdrivers.> One: Heh! Heheheh!? You mean! You're going to take environmental scans with a lockpick!? So we're delusional now? Are we? Hm? Sixby, who started the trend: I'm not quite sure where they picked that habit up from.....

Also, introductions are always funny in a multidoctor story.

"Which of you is The Doctor?"

All together: I am! Bond: [Frustrated over how much it's happened today.] We really must find a way around this! Sixby: Well— [Exasperated laugh] I don't suppose we can use name tags? Scarf: [Teasing] A wonderful idea! We can call you tiny. One: Oh for heaven's sake!!! Will you all be quiet!? We're being held at gunpoint! Scarf: It's not like that's an irregular occurrence​​​​. Bond: You're really not helping. Scarf: Oh, and you'd know what helping is?

AND GOD. BEING STUCK IN A PRISON CELL. 

Sixby: <Pulls out his recorder and starts to play it.> Scarf: They said incarceration! Not torture. Sixby: I was just trying to provide a bit of ambiance to our current situation. Bond: That's what we're calling it now? Sixby: It helps me concentrate! One: Well it breaks my focus! <Snatches it.> Now. Let's really focus! And figure out a way out of this cell!

I have more, but that's all I'll torment you with for now, dash. :>  

[gon-and-killuas-mother]

i'm nearly done moving everything to my dad's house. just gotta go back to the apartment today to get all the leftover stuff and do some cleaning.

my body is very against the idea, yesterday was insanely difficult on me. but bc my friends are wonderful, i am in much better shape than i would've been otherwise. at the expense of their own fatigue and body pain, they made sure i took enough breaks and that i didn't take too many trips up and down the stairs. if i'd tried to help like i wanted to, i doubt i'd even be mobile today.

once everyone had gone home and i had to swing back by the apartment last night for a couple more things (like the cat food someone forgot to put in the car) i did take a moment to say goodbye to the apartment. i know it's an inanimate thing, but i have carried this accumulated trauma over moving since i was little. between the divorce(s) and the frequent changes of houses, i was able to make a safe space for myself in each home only to have to pack it up again a year or two later. kid me never got to grieve properly, or say goodbye to the houses. my homes.

so last night, i wept alone in the almost empty apartment. it was my first solo home, and it saw me through some of the hardest, most painful times of my life. but it also saw me grow into a more confident adult, someone who wasn't afraid to take up space anymore.

i couldn't be more grateful for that year-and-a-half of living on my own. after a lifetime of tucking myself inward to be more convenient to my family and then later to my roommates, i learned how to be comfortable with myself. i made friends with my neighbors. i was, for a while, independent and free.

now, though, i have to accept that i can no longer support myself. my body can't take the extra work of keeping a job, doing my chores, running errands, and staying healthy all on top of my disabilities. moving back into one of my childhood homes is a bizarre experience. i got home very late this morning after that trip back to the apartment, and had to creep quietly through the dark to not wake anyone up. the same smells, the same creaks and groans of the floors and stairs, the same hums of the AC, everything i remembered from childhood almost overwhelmed me.

luckily, my new room is in the downstairs "condo" my dad had built for my sister and her niece. it's made of two rooms, a bedroom and part of the den that used to make up half of the downstairs area. it's honestly bigger than my entire apartment, plus the bathroom i'm using is across the hall with the laundry room and the kitchen is upstairs, so my two rooms are all my living space rather than amenities.

my knees aren't going to enjoy the little hill between my car and the front door, nor the stairs. but now, if my body says "no stairs today", i'll have my brother and my dad to bring me whatever i might need.

now if only i could figure out how i'm gonna pay that last months rent on time ಥ⁠‿⁠ಥ

lastly. this might be the best possible time to start writing my book. if i can't work, and i can't do much other than stay home tending to my body, then this could be a good moment for me to word-vomit some rough drafts. and Dad would probably be pretty supportive, he's also a self published writer and has always appreciated my interest in writing. i may even let him read some of my drafts except for the possible steamy sections no way is he reading those

anyway. long day, long weekend, ready to start this new chapter of my life. saying goodbye to a home is, somehow, harder to me than saying goodbye to a person. maybe bc there's no going back? idk. signing off.

[fraks]

i hate making posts like this, but i am honestly at a loss as to what to do, and maybe someone here has an idea. for the record: i live in germany, so solutions that might work in the united states probably won't work for me.

i'm the child of a mentally ill mother and a neglectful father. growing up, i was systematically abused, both psychologically and emotionally, by my father's girlfriend while he stood and watched, and still to this day denies it ever happened. i developed c-ptsd and social anxiety disorder as a result. i had two rounds of cbt years ago, which, while good for me, didn't "cure" me, and all the meds i tried didn't help either.

that's not even the problem though, only necessary background info. in august of 2020, my partner of 13 years suddenly up and left me for someone else. unable to sleep or eat, i was put on sick leave for a few months, which cost me my job and, subsequently, my apartment. with the housing market being what it is, plus the covid situation, i wasn't able to find a new place and have been officially homeless since march 2021. i stayed with my little brother for a bit, but my "family" eventually abandoned me, too, when i didn't get better fast enough, and threw me out.

none of my "friends" were able or willing to help, either, until i reconnected with an old internet buddy on the other side of the country who, without any hesitation, offered me her guest room for however long i needed it. i hate having to rely on near-strangers (we hadn't been in contact for years), but i was in no position to refuse. so i am currently staying in said guest room. the problem? my friend and her husband are ultra-religious evangelical nutjobs. as in, if they knew i was queer, i would be thrown out immediately. and as in, they hit their toddler when she doesn't obey them because proverbs say it's okay to hit your kids. and of course my friend isn't vaccinated, just to complete the picture.

i don't know how much longer i can survive being here. my friend lives in a tiny village (population of 720), so there's no public transport and i'm stuck inside this house (and mainly this one room) nearly 24/7. my social anxiety disorder makes it impossible for me to just apply for unemployment benefits—i'm trying, but the system isn't meant for people who are unemployed and homeless at the same time, and i'm falling through the cracks. i need to get back to my hometown of berlin (so i can finish my engineering degree), but to get an apartment there, i need to prove i have an income, and to get an income, i need a proper place to stay. i also need to prove i've paid my rent for the past three months, but as i haven't lived in a rental place of my own since march, i don't have that proof, which means my application for apartments automatically gets thrown out for being incomplete.

and amidst all this chaos, my brain has decided now is the perfect time to relive all the childhood trauma and i get at least one major panic attack per day. i don't remember when i last spent a day without crying. and ofc i can't see a therapist because i need to know where i'll be staying for a few months before i can be put on any therapist's waiting list. oh and i'm about to lose my health insurance cause unless i get unemployment benefits or find a new full-time job, i'd have to pay nearly 300€ a month, which i simply do not have, especially given that i'm already paying 500€+ a month from my meagre savings for a storage unit that has all my stuff in it.

until now, i've survived by talking to online buddies like @justplainsalty and @leliesblou and @cminerva and others in the mfmm+leverage fandoms in particular, and reading posts by @wilwheaton and @furiousgoldfish on abuse and trauma to reaffirm i'm not crazy, but i am so profoundly lonely in this place, and i honestly don't see myself surviving long beyond the new year.

so if anyone has any ideas or advice on what to do, please reach out, and feel free to reblog or share in other ways if you know anyone who might be able to help.