#I'd like to implement some things but I don't really have any place to ask for them right now

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

pray for me please

[ellabism]

do you have any fav ellabs fics? I just scrolled down your blog and love all your writing about them (thank you!) and I relate 100% like yes mood I agree.

I trust your taste completely if you’d spare me a crumb I’d love to read whatever is your fav, no worries if you don’t have the time/energy I always have your blog to feed my ellabs need now lol

hi! thanks so much for asking! i don't mind making a list of my personal fav ellabs fics. just buckle up because ive dissected this ao3 tag through and through.

also fair warning a lot of these fics are unfinished and i don't think they're ever going to be finished ): read at your own risk

why does my heart cry?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/52598836/chapters/133047805

a recent ellabs fic on my radar. absolutely love as its currently being updated! give it some love, the author gets inspired by positive comments! this fic also has warnings of r word so read at your own risk.

assumptions

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53457232

NSFW! a really really hot one-shot. really really good. that's all.

are we destined to go full circle?

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53028508

another one-shot fic. a really good premise, i love it so much.

i'll touch that fire for you

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49341436/chapters/124510642

modern day ellabs as ex girlfriends. very toxic still in a modern aspect and i love it.

unbroken

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30771995/chapters/75953900

MY ABSOLUTE FAV! i love this fic, though it takes a while for updates, definitely worth the wait!

where stolen roses grow

https://archiveofourown.org/works/47851273/chapters/120635659

REALLY cool concept and new take on how ellie's immunity affects her body. i love this one

paper bag

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45841327/chapters/115369633

a modern ellabs fic. i love the premise for ellie and abby here and how they interact among abby's friend group. i feel like not many fics implements abby's friends. also ellie is an ex prisoner. hot as fuck

we've fallen (so far)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25757314/chapters/62552452

a cool twist on how santa barbara ends up. i really hope the author will come back to this one i love it ):

there is a crack, a crack in everything-that's how the light gets in

https://archiveofourown.org/works/30440616/chapters/75056037

ADORE THIS FIC SO BADLY ITS SO CUTE! fair warning it gets into really deep and heavy things. read at your on discretion. but it has a cute lev and ellie bonding moments and i LIVE FOR THOSE! they're bffs in my mind.

you're the one who saved me

https://archiveofourown.org/works/38285101/chapters/95661985

another twist on the events in santa barbara. really cute fic and i wish it kept going.

the way sorrow tastes

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29521575/chapters/72534786

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this fic. i'd give an arm an a leg for it to get frequent updates again. another fic that has r word content. read at your own discretion.

the good fight

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28929720/chapters/70981443

an actual finished ellabs fic! love this one so bad

retribution

https://archiveofourown.org/works/26692549/chapters/65108920

this fic has a special place in my heart because of the ellie and lev dynamic that's in it. if there's one thing to know about me, is that i love the idea of ellie and lev bonding like siblings. they'd get along so well. another fic i'd give up an arm and a leg for for more updates.

my god damn christmas present

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28408266

HEHE this one is so cute. a modern ellabs take with having a whole family. a cute wholesome little one-shot.

handsy

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25475419

NSFW! another really hot one-shot. had me drooling.

the collector

https://archiveofourown.org/works/25041016/chapters/60645616

NSFW! i love this fic. ellie selling her artowrk and abby being a collector. it gets hot. so so hot.

tail lights

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35929312/chapters/89580607

REALLY GOOD, WELL WRITTEN fic by one of my friends actually. the slow burn is saur good. but unfortunately there will not be a tail lights 2. sorry yall

tiles

https://archiveofourown.org/works/51887800/chapters/131198848

NSFW! really hot one-shot of them having fun at a party.

well, there's my list. i told y'all it would be long.

as i made this list it made me sad realizing how many of these amazing fics are abandoned ): i wish some of these authors will have the energy to get back on these, cause so many people adore them.

i will edit and add more if i forgot any. enjoy, happy reading!

[winterandwords]

Anyone who profits from your insecurity deserves your scrutiny

I am so fucking bored of "This is how to do plot structure the correct way. This is what should happen in this bit and this is what should happen in this other bit. It is correct and if you don't do exactly it like this, you're doing it wrong and that's why you hate your writing and probably every one else will hate it too. Because you're wrong and your story is wrong and no-one will like your story because of all it's wrongness. But luckily I have this thing for sale that will tell you how to make your story correct and then you will be a good writer with all the approval and validation of having bought something about it."

Listen.

I'm not saying there aren't valid and valuable recognised plot structures or patterns in story telling. Of course there are. They span books and films and TV shows and plays and whatever other ways humans create and share narratives, but they're not as universal as you probably think. There are multitudes of shapes of story from different places as well as from different times in history, and often the one true way or the 'best' way is really just the way that appeals to the most profitable market right now. That's fine if it's what you're aiming for and how you want to get there, so please don't take that as me saying that it's wrong to desire or achieve mainstream success - it isn't.

Quick aside! A lot of How To Do Story Structure stuff is based on after-the-fact analysis. The examples that are often presented weren't written following that advice, those rules, whatever. Someone came along afterwards and said, "Ah yes, that fits very neatly into the thing I'm trying to explain" and decided to use it as an example. This isn't a negative point at all. It's just easy to forget sometimes that all the people writing the cool shit you love aren't sitting down with the same roadmap and following it. OK, back to the point.

I'm also not saying that it's in any way bad, unimaginative, formulaic, or any other undesirable thing to study, learn from, or even adhere to the information in educational resources or other guidelines about when stuff happens in stories. There are reasons why some kinds of stories just work. They feel familiar. I'd argue that there's a lot of value in learning those structures and methods, the ones so common they feel like the natural order of things, and then doing them for as long as you want to. Forever, if they work for you.

But also. Sometimes you'll find yourself doing those things entirely by accident because you've spent your life absorbing stories and when you sit down and try to do them on purpose, it feels weird. Sometimes you'll find yourself not wanting to do those things at all because your story is determined to be a different shape. In this house we love experimental literature and we also support embracing storytelling techniques and traditions from every culture.

By all means, learn and explore and implement and experiment and be open and grow and progress by doing as well as by studying. There's a world of incredible resources out there. Try reading a craft book or taking an online course by an author whose work you enjoy, if you're craving something more formal and structured than internet writing advice. Hell, if someone whose work you get a kick out of offers internet writing advice and it's useful to you, devour it.

But if someone is insisting they can sell you a way to create something impressive, ask yourself if you're impressed with what they themselves are creating. Take a step back and consider what they might have to gain by presenting their absolutely essential knowledge that you couldn't possibly live without as HERE'S WHY YOU SUCK. It's not necessary to tear people down in order to inform or educate them. There's nothing wrong with making an income from teaching or from creating resources. Of course there isn't. But. But.

I'm going to say it again. Anyone who profits from your insecurity deserves your scrutiny (and probably doesn't deserve your money) 💜

[wishbonegame]

Apparently with all the chaos going on this year I forgot to post an update for March! Well, here's April's update instead.

Current Summer Y1 event progress: 5.5/8 fully implemented 6.5/8 scripted (roughly)

Current Summer Y1 quest* progress: 12.5/15 implemented 12.75/15 scripted

(*Note that this isn’t the count of unique quests but rather time-gated triggers to release new quest steps–some quests are counted several times if they are given in small chunks rather than all at once.)

The vast majority of Summer's quests are done. This includes the biggest multi-stage quest, which... actually mostly takes place in Fall, so unfortunately it won't be possible to complete in the upcoming Summer public beta. Which is a shame because it's got some really funny scenes and writing. Here's a tiny clip from one of them.

The remaining events are pretty big, but the script for the biggest one was just finished last weekend and I am currently working on implementing it. (It's pretty branchy, and is one of those things that's a lot faster to implement than to write)

I've done some minor cleanup/debugging as well, as usual. Fixing up little things... much like it looks like these characters are going to fix up this injured horse. Wonder what happened there...?

Another thing I'd like to add to the Summer Y1 public beta is the ability to preserve your save files. Any save files from the Spring Y1 beta we released earlier won't be compatible with releases going forward. The game initializer code has changed too much since then and trying to load a save would... not go well. But the game initializer code isn't changing much these days, so going forward, I'd like to build a framework for "patching" old save files. That way if you play the upcoming beta and then play another future beta later (or, eventually, the full game!) you don't have to lose your progress. So... gonna try to build that. No guarantee it'll work perfectly all the way through the final full game release, but it's worth a try!

The other major thing on my to-do list before the Summer public beta release is that I'd like to adjust the menu/text box contrast (a commonly requested tweak). Implementing more Ask About dialog (it's been written, but not implemented in game yet) is also part of the plan.

As always, thanks for following our cowboy madness project as it slowly moves closer to completion with each passing week. See you next month!

[todaydreambelieversfic]

Welcome to To Daydream Believers : A Community Klaine FanWorks Blog

Hello Everyone!

Welcome and Re-Welcome to To Daydream Believers!!

I know the blog has been around forever, but with the influx of new people I thought I'd refresh the blog and welcome everyone again! I've been wanting to give the blog a facelift for a while, and it seems now is as good a time as any to reintroduce and reinvigorate the blog.

What is TDBFic?

I originally started the blog as the fanfiction reblogging sideblog to my original Glee/Klaine rewatch, fun&games, and podcasting blog - @todaydreambelievers. TDB isn't being run any more, but I've always maintained that as long as there is interest - I'd keep the blog going.

The intention of the blog was to be a safe space where fans of Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson could read works (about them individually or as a couple) without fear of running into bashing of either character. It was also meant to be a community blog where anyone could choose to participate on their own terms.

Becoming a Member -

Whether you're an author who would like a place to showcase their works or just a fan who'd like to recommend their favorite fics, anyone is allowed to be a member. All you need to do is shoot me -- @spaceorphan18 -- a message, and I'll make you a member. All I ask is that you follow (my relatively few) guidelines.

Also - even if you become a member, there's no obligation to reblog content, but the option is always open!

Guidelines -

So what are the guidelines?

All fanworks must be Kurt Hummel friendly and Blaine Anderson friendly. While that doesn't mean bad things can't happen to them - it does mean that a fan of either character can read a work and not feel like their favorite character is being intentionally bashed.

Be respectful of other users.

A couple of smaller items such as - please reblog, don't post and don't spam. Some basic common curtesy things.

That's really it. I'll have some more details on a main page when I get that up. But really, it boils down to play nice.

What about tagging?

You don't have to tag - but it is encouraged so people can find your works if they click on one of our links. I'm working on cleaning up the tagging page so that the tagging system is clear and easy to use.

What about all the old stuff?

It's not going anywhere - though please bear with me as I try to clean up the main page. You should be able to find all of the old content, as I don't plan on taking anything down.

Anything new to the blog?

Why yes! I have some ideas for ways to keep the activity up on the blog...

Author Spotlights -- Every week we would highlight a author or artist - featuring their works on the blog. I'd like to do this again! I'll get more details out soon - but anyone is welcome to participate, even if they've done it already!

Prompts & Tropes -- I'm not sure how I'd like to implement these, but I thought it'd be fun if we occasionally did prompts or trope weeks to inspire you to create new things.

Events -- We haven't been event heavy, but @snarkyhag and I are already thinking of something fun to do for this summer!

Polls -- Okay, so this isn't entirely creation focused, but back in the day, TDB did polls every Tuesday. Now that tumblr has a fun, new polling system, I thought I'd bring these back - because why not?

Questions, Comments, Concerns?

I'm really open to anything you guys might have to say! Please drop a line any time you like -- I'm always happy to hear from you!

I do encourage you to come join and be a member! The more the merrier!

Happy Creating!

Xoxo- Spaceorphan18 :)

[rathologic]

hi, sorry to send something again so soon 😅

so, the religion Clara tries to convert people to in P1. is it meant to be a spin on Christianity? because there are references to God, figures from the Bible, and many mentions of Heaven and Hell. P2 Clara especially seems to have a much more religious aspect to her character (if the “God loves me 😌” line doesn’t give that away)

and i’ve always been really curious about that. is it an altered version of Christianity? (i say altered because i know Clara has a line in P2 where she’s like “why does everyone think God is up above us? he’s down below!”)

the "religion" she's converting people to is the ideology of Humility, as developed by yulia lyuricheva and katerina saburova -- I'd summarize it as "justification of sacrifice to keep the world in order". the Law it maintains is the same as that which aglaya is an instrument of, but it's also integrated into the Kin's cosmology (moreso in p2 with one of p2's worst twists). humility itself is the mechanism of the saburovs' insane death gamble to save the town via clara, so it's also manipulation all the way down :-)

The first thing, the original creation, was the Earth. The ancient one, giving life to plants and animals. She begat the Abattoir; she begat the Kin. She gives and she takes. The dead go into her; everything ends with her. She is the inception and the completion. Such is the Law. We, the Saburovs, act in the interests of the Law, by which everyone must abide. Ours is a faith of Humility.

The faith of humility is a faith for the doomed. Whoever is resigned to death deserves to die.

Let me tell you about the Law. It's not a state law, but rather a natural one. When mysterious evil emerges from nonexistence, it's a clear sign that this law has been violated. Disease is a retribution for trespassers. It's an attempt to restore the balance.

the thing with all of the Humbles is that they believe themselves responsible for the tragedy that's befallen the town, by way of some immediate or past misdeed, and by converting them to the faith of Humility they agree to sacrifice their lives to stop the plague. while the idea of the humbles' "sin" and of a "miracle" in this framework are basically christian, I'd say that comes from the lens of how Clara is interfacing with the idea of humility, and not a foundational way of describing it as a religion

which is because Clara herself 100% identifies with what I'd call not altered, but neutered christianity - the type of cultural implicit christianity where text and worship aren't rigorous (per there not being any functional religious meeting places in the town) but like the ideas are there. patho goes to some lengths to avoid mentioning, e.g., jesus, but the biblical tie-ins especially re: peter stamatin, the idea of the Cathedral, and the dialogue you mentioned lay out that the settler-town is influenced by a basically christian worldview. though I don't have the background on Russian christianity to give any implementation details 😄 (this also applying to pathologic being written from mostly the same cultural context)

+ the changeling justifies her existence (having woken up in a grave five minutes ago) by believing she's a saint and miracle-worker, which in the context of the town's beliefs, of her being a kid, and of how she finds her powers to work, spin into mysticism where within this culturally christian baseline (a post I drafted this very week basically asks why this is the case for newborn clara, given that she's ultimately better described by the Kin's beliefs and imagery) she bends the rules to portray herself as more legitimate (consciously or not) i.e. the voiceline in 2 above. so since she's the point-of-view character for 95% of the interaction the player has with humility, it gets translated through her own lens :-)

[anonzentimes]

hi!! i watched your nagito video on yt and loved it sooo much, & i’ve personally wanted to make an analysis video on something but the problem is that i have NO idea what, i just have characters and things that i like in my head atm. not sure how to get a coherent response out😭😭i was wondering if you had any advice to give in video stuff???

Honestly that video mostly was from a tumblr post I had made, one of the reblogs made me think about how the things I was talking about wasn't surface level so I thought to make a script about it. I used the tumblr post as reference for some of it but a lot of it was just articulating things onto a google doc and making it work. I didn't really have a written down outline but I had a general internal one that happened to work enough and that I could implement as sections. Most of this is to say a lot of it was improvised and generally I've been wanting to make videos like that forever but it took ages to start. I started with what I thought would be easiest and it worked out well. Basically, I guess my advice, or what helped me is that, try doing what you think maybe easy and build confidence from there. Just start somewhere, wherever you think maybe easiest so you're not intimidated to take the step, get confidence from being able to do the thing, and then with that confidence you can build your own bridge to what you want to do.

For writing analysis itself, I'm not sure how I could give advice for that realm as the way I got better at it is from reading a bunch of fanfic as a result of grief and starting to talk about Nagito a lot on tumblr, it just kinda happened and I'm super grateful it did. But the general idea is that if you have thoughts you want to express you can always write them down and revise them as much as you want, the important part is that you get them out in the first place. And if you don't have ideas on what exactly, then it's a little trickier but I'd say just try throwing words at feelings thoughts and ideas on what you want to express generally at files and see what sticks.

I always have been frustrated when I ask others for advice and they tell me to just start, it feels more complicated to me, but I think the fundamental of "just start," is more so, "don't overthink it" which is why I say just start where you think is easiest, even if you don't have a specific idea try recapping a character's lore you like or something small you think about. Just put what you think are easy words for a topic or idea at a document, voice them, edit it, and eventually you'll get something that can be a domino chain to reach greater things.

Hopefully this made sense I'm not really revising before posting, I have faith you can make something and I look forward to seeing what it is. Aka feel free to send a link in my inbox if you end up making something.

[candiid-caniine]

I'm in a position where I can't really get any sex toys, specifically for insertion and that's like 90% of what I need and I need something and idk what to do I'm going insane. Do you know anyone who makes like, under cover toys or know of any at least temporary solution Oh Bug with your infinite horny knowledge I pray thee, I need to be full and there's nothing to be full of

ahahaha this made me giggle! i can't promise to have infinite horny knowledge, but i will try my best to help. it's a travesty whenever a sweetheart out there in the world has to be empty <3

note: i'm working off the assumption you're talking about a vagina; if not, i apologize, but i don't think i'd feel comfortable recommending anal toy substitutes anyway due to the higher safety risk!

first, let's talk about materials if your best bet is household items:

top of the list in terms of safety is glass. i'd also say steel, but household objects made of steel aren't necessarily made of body-safe steel/surgical steel, so glass is really my top pick. it's non-porous, can be infinitely sanitized and re-used, and has some fun things you can do with temperature play too ;)

second favorite is gonna be plastic. it (and any other material) is 100% safe for insertion WITH a barrier like a condom, but if you can't get those for similar reasons you can't get a sex toy, use plastic sparingly; it is porous, so it can trap bacteria, which...i'll be honest here. i've never heard of this happening to people, even when they use the same hard plastic toy over and over, if they wash it a lot in between. thousands of people across the world have used a hairbrush handle, one of those 10-color pens (lol ask me how i know), and other items available to a kid in their teenage years. often repeatedly. my theory: yes, plastic can trap bacteria...but it's mostly gonna be bacteria from your body, and unless you're switching holes, i think the risk of that bacteria being non-benign is low; additionally, if you're washing it immediately afterwards and storing it in a safe place, the risk of it coming into contact with external bacteria is also low. regardless, it's safest to think of plastic as a temporary solution, and to replace it fairly often. good news is it tends to be cheap!

third best bet: a vegetable in a condom. could never do this bc i hate wasting food. could also never do this bc i was in a similar situation to you at the time, and in my case i couldn't get condoms, and no way was i putting pesticides up my vag!

i know it may seem weird that i'm putting silicone last. it should be first. food-grade silicone is probably insertion-safe, but the reason it's last on the list is that it's hard to find food-grade silicone items in the right shape lol.

now for some ideas of common items that might work/be easily concealable or explainable:

those big bubble wands (plastic). empty them out first lmao. make sure the bottom of the tube, where it was likely cut from the assembly line, doesn't have any weird rough edges. bonus points that you can put a bullet vibe in it if you have one, and if it's too light to fuck satisfyingly, try putting something heavier inside :)

the world of guasha and acupressure massage implements is wide and varied lol. from amazon, here is a steel one that's plain and simple. if you like odd shapes, here's whatever this is.

one of the pitfalls of household insertables is the shape; they're often ramrod-straight, which a vagina isn't, and rigid, so they don't bend to you. if you're confident in your pelvic floor strength, i recommend these guys! you may not exactly be able to fuck yourself with them, but they're an excellent way to feel full :)

check out the handle on this dude. is this anything? hell if i know lmao.

i've found pervertables on amazon before by just searching "[material] tools" or "[material] [shape]" or just in general typing in the material, then clicking around in random sections of Amazon and seeing what pops up! i've also found them by just wandering around stores and looking at objects in the context of what they'd feel like inside me, or being used to hit me, etc.

now for some actual, purpose-made toys that are discreet from Etsy:

carrot lmao. it's expensive, and i think primarily meant for anal insertion, but there you have it.

here's a simple but effective idea. why sacrifice good, plain function when you could just hide it well instead?

toy disguised as a paperweight with a DP option :)

i guess you could reasonably claim that this one was a gag gift or something. maybe get one of those little silicone hand puppets shaped like a real dino head and put it on there when you're not using it.

tis the fucking season!

dear lord. this is how i used to hide my weed lol. listen, i'm begging you, at least once it would be so funny to pretend this dog is a representation of me and i'm holding ur dick for you and looking at u with them sad puppy eyes okay?

hear me out, stay in this space with me; consider just hiding your dildo really effectively. here / are / some / really neat stash boxes i found on etsy. afaik the teddy ones are easy to diy; i made mine by cutting a hole in the bum of a big old stuffed pig i had and packing in my entire weed jar and then refilling it lol.

i hope this helped, or at least gave you some ideas! thank you for asking! <33

[proshippers-against-censorship]

Not sure what I am in terms of it (pro/com, highly unlikely to be anti from what I've seen.. I'm too new to this kind of thing to make a label identity) but something I've been wondering in relation to "antis" for this is "do you like EVERY aspect of every fiction you watch? do you want to do it in real life or do you approve of it happening?" because I see so many people who go for whatever reason (likely because they were told it's the "right thing to do"?) who are filled with intense hatred towards pro shippers and they will like medias which have these illegal aspects and might post they like the characters and stuff. If the difference isn't "I find it gross so I'm against it" , what is then? If the murder in these is enjoyable to you, there's this "moral" being implemented into fiction and then what decides what is okay and what isn't if not disgust? And then why would it be okay for person who finds incest or whatever disgusting and thinks it shouldn't be allowed to exist and the person who thinks that about homosexuality? I'm NOT for either of those, obviously (the "shouldn't be allowed to exist" part specifically, I don't have anything against people's personal preferences on likes or dislikes). The only argument could be "but in real life" but it's NOT real life. And then if that argument is used for the murderer in fiction enjoyer, what's up with that? I'm not saying that "antis" approve of some actions if they don't think fiction is a big difference from real life. But I don't get the logic. And then the application of these beliefs if it is to be anti any "problematic" thing in fiction... are horror movies not allowed to exist anymore? artistic expression? and what's the limits for what is okay or not? is it wrong to draw it in your own room and nobody else sees it? what's the big difference between that and someone who shares it online in a specific place and tagged appropriately (which if I'm not mistaken is the pro shipper belief)? should anything that may be controversial be removed from the internet? and I see some "antis" hate what's going on with KOSA? This isn't a rhetorical or a "antis are so weird" thing. I genuinely don't get it. I'd ask publicly but I don't want people to be mean to me or harass me.. (or worse) and then if anyone thinks "yes its biased but i dont care and I hate it anyways" sort of thing, sure. but that isn't a genuine argument you can make against something. since no opinion is more important than another. and other person could say the opposite.

"Rules for thee but not for me" seems to be one of the biggest anti vibes.

Honestly, it's probably better off not digging yourself into the trenches and outwardly choosing a side to label yourself with. Proship is really just believing that harassment over fiction is wrong - but truth be told, that's pretty much the normal person mindset anyways.

Smacking on the label unfortunately just makes you a target. So only bother with labelling yourself if you're prepared to deal with the assholes.

[dreamingofmuses]

New Year's Resolutions: RP Edition

Howdy all, Ash here. I've been having a think while with family this week, and I've decided I'm going to implement some new 'resolutions' to try and help make writing in 2024 be way more successful than in 2023. This will include things from the running of blogs to jobs I really want to get finished. I'm putting them under a read-more to keep the dash nice and clean.

I will say, this has taken me an hour to write up, and I'd recommend you doing likewise if you think there's little ways you want to improve.

-

Overall Running of Blogs

I'm going to experiment a new approach to running the blogs. For this, I'm going to put all active blogs to low-medium activity. In other words, even if I am personally lurking on mobile, I won't be constantly writing things if I'm not able to. (Work is just about to get super busy and I'm anticipating chaos)

A queue/schedule function will be used for all blogs. I intend to dedicate one weekday evening to working without interruption on replies. Taking commutes to the city and family visits into account, this is looking to be a Thursday, which is the only day I am neither travelling to the city nor have a guaranteed family visit. Of course, this may fluctuate, but that's what I'm hoping to work with, assuming those things stay as they are.

However! What all this means is that I am going to tentatively take skullandbowties off hiatus. With that blog being quiet, it should be possible to juggle it better now. Plus, it's officially off-season so the demand for him from new blogs ought to be low. I'm very smart :D

I also plan to update all pinned posts. I am aware some of them are marking a vacation from months ago.

Individual Blog Maintenance

Create "New Here?" posts to add to the pinned posts/info tags. This is going to be a very quick crash course on what to expect from the blog, especially where some characters might diverge from fanon expectations.

FINISH. WILF'S. BIO. It's not actually relevant to anything being written on the blog itself at present, but I really want to flesh out his character and show that he was stuck in stories for years, decades even! The doc has the word count to 4,888 at this precise moment. This is a mix of summary and brainstorm. Since it's getting a 'little' out of hand, I intend to have a 'tldr' at the start that people can read, and then longer versions if they're curious to get the full story. Maybe even have it that they can jump to particular parts but... I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Likewise, Noah's version of Space needs to be finished. This one is going to be a summary, but it's a case of making sure the pieces are in place sufficiently to have parts match canon Space, but also make it clear that there is a lot of differences between canon and what he went through, with his plot entirely spiralling away for 'Part 2'. This is at 5,794 words, and the ending has yet to be ironed out...

(I am going to stop creating needlessly long-winded projects for myself that realistically add nothing of value to my blogs. These two projects are exhausting...)

Theauthorlives is returning to a very small multimuse. Any muses that aren't ones I genuinely enjoy writing are being fully archived, unless they are muses that get no traction but I want to keep the possibility open. Details of that will be shared when I do this.

Redo some muse icons (not all of them!). Though the selection I have for particular sets is a lot, I still feel like I'm missing some expressions or poses. I would like to remake one batch of icons for three characters, and finish iconning a third. Replies seem to be shifting toward iconless, but I like them for asks or IC commentaries.

OOC/Mun Related stuff

Following matters that have happened both online and IRL, I've decided to take a step back from actively engaging with people. My focus will be people that I have been in good communication with for the last twelve months (as well as people I don't talk to frequently but am on friendly terms with) rather than people I feel I have to 'chase' after. Saying that, I'm going to try and not let past experiences meddle with anything in with new writing partners - whether these are brand new to the community or people I've not had the chance to properly interact with prior to this. Just be aware that I might not be super outgoing at first. (This is where setting limits and boundaries is good practice, everyone! Don't sell yourself short, and don't spread yourself out too thinly!)

Which is where I now say I want to send even more asks! Not just memes or sentence starters, but general questions about headcanons or muse opinions. I want to get people thinking more.

My stance on Discord still stands, in that it's solely for OOC stuff, but I'm not giving it out to everyone. However, I have been in two group servers that have little-to-no connection with writing rp threads in them. I would hope that I can fully regain my sense of comfort using Discord as a whole.

Art related

Despite socially stepping back, I still want to keep some semblance of 'community' where my blogs are active so people don't feel isolated. For instance, I want to do something that encourages invasions of ask boxes. That was good fun to watch as the chaos began to spread, and when people are good-humoured to go along with my silly ideas.

I want to have one huge art-related event at some point this year. I'm not entirely what or how to do it, but I think it would be a great excuse to practice something. Portraits, comics, something like that. I'll have a think. (For those who remember, the water gun event was supposed to have an art conclusion but plans for that fell through.)

I want to try and upload drawn responses to heythereneighbor once a week if I can. Obviously, this is depending on how busy it is.

I'd also like to try doodling more on other blogs? But I'm not sure if this is even something people want to see anymore. People might prefer I focus on writing if I have free time instead of doodles or little comics.

... the writing blog. I need to do stuff with that in general. Whoops.

Finally, I want to do what I can to the best of my abilities on a particular day. I've always told people over the years that real life comes before rp, and I still stand by that. Whether I'm around or not every day isn't the end of the world. The communities I write in are a lot slower paced than they were when I started, which is great! I need to remind myself that I don't need to be writing just because I have a bit of free time.

[teababe27]

Give Me Some Rope, I'm Coming Loose

Kinktober prompt list by @josiebelladonna / @feverinfeveroutfic

Prompt(s):

Paradise Day 7: Shibari

A couple IRL stories tonight. Somewhat as a stop-gap while I figure out my fic writing process, somewhat to remember some kinky times with people over the years, somewhat to parse out some thoughts, somewhat to feel like I'm actually contributing.

Yes, I know this is late, but *shrugs*. Work and life.

These IRL stories will be partly stream-of-consciousness, partly thought-out.

Will also supply a pic or two when possible for these.

Rope in general is something I'm still figuring out how I feel about.

My experiences with it have been largely good, but I'm still figuring it out (maybe overthinking and over-rationalizing, but still). I find that when I really liked it, it wasn't me giving up control or anything like that. Honestly, the furthest I'd go in that respect was having my hands tied behind my back. A lot of it was people putting me in a rope harness and doing the usual sensation/sensual stuff that I like; touching, caressing, kissing if I knew them well enough, using any floggers or implements either of us would have, etc. I feel like part of it could be just another form of sensation play, which is something I hadn't even thought of until I had joined Fetlife and expanded my horizons through meeting people, learning, and going to kinky play spaces. But then I also feel like I may not need it because sensation can happen without it? I don't know.

The harnesses themselves often looked really pretty too. I remember a couple times during kinky photoshoots (maybe a topic for another prompt?) that someone put a harness on me and sometimes one of the only poses I could think to do was put my thumbs in a couple of the loops near my upper body like I was popping a collar.

There are two times in particular that I remember indulging in this kink and really coming away like I'd experienced something.

---

2014. My last year of college. It was my second time at this kink club near my school. It was a spacious top floor of what I think was a converted warehouse, with many rooms and alcoves. It was sex-positive; people could have sex in there (though I chose not to, I had heard people do such a few times there), many supplies were provided; semi-private, private (with some themed rooms), and public spaces were there.

L, a much older (I'm guessing 40s or 50s) friend of the friend who took me there the month prior for my first time there, and I talked about doing a scene. When I went there the month prior, he had put me in a rope harness and touched and flogged me all over. I remember liking it and how it felt, so I asked if we could do that again.

We went to a back corner of the place. Red walls on 3 sides, a spanking bench (sometimes a massage table was there too, it depended), a Sybian in the corner, there might have been a cross too, I don't remember for sure, some more hardcore things. One of the walls had rings to hook chains into, but we didn't use those. I just stood against the wall as he put the rope harness on me. I don't even remember the design, I just remember it looking really pretty. I remember it going up and down my body, around my hips, between my breasts, and one part between my legs, grazing my clit a couple times in the process. He touched me all over, caressed my shoulders, back, hips, and chest.

At one point, he pulled part of the rope that rested by my hips, rubbing against my clit. It took me by surprise. I started to overthink. My hips started to reflexively buck. I tried to put my thoughts aside just for this one time. He kept pulling, I started to rise. He soon had to use his finger, as the rope had become slack and the harness had become lopsided. The overthinking started again; I had originally/always planned to save being touched down there by a significant other or at-the-time crush. But I also felt like I had come too far to stop now, and it felt so good. I was so close. Before I knew it, I had reached the edge and fallen over.

I admittedly cried a bit after I came, and had to sit down in a nearby corner (it was also close to the end of the club's hours) and process everything. Wondering if I was too easy, or a hypocrite for telling myself to wait but then letting someone I had only met once prior do something like this to me, if I should have even let him do that to me when I wasn't even sure at first, but it also felt good so why am I feeling like this and what am I feeling, etc.

Definitely quite an experience. If I remember correctly, this was done to me at one other point,

I also find it interesting that one of the things I remember the most about that night and the aftermath was that they had some classic rock (Steely Dan is what I remember the most) playing at one point in the club. So as I was coming down and L was packing up his stuff (which makes me realize in retrospect I should have asked for him to cuddle me or something for better aftercare, I guess I was still figuring that out too), "Do It Again" and "Hey Nineteen" and other songs like that were playing, and I couldn't help but chuckle to myself.

L: Good song.

Me: Yeah. Seems a bit strange, but I'm not complaining.

TBH it's times like these and with other older friends/acquaintances I met in kink clubs that I think of whenever I hear "Hey Nineteen", lol.

---

This past March. Dungeons and Geekdoms, Saturday night. C (Boyfriend #2) and I were both done with our activities, panels, and scenes/playtime with other people, and we had planned to do a scene together. We hadn't had time alone together in a few months, so I was super excited. C had gone up to his hotel room to get some of the rope he brought for other scenes; I had mentioned I had wanted to try it since it had been a while.

When we got to the dungeon area, we found that it was full. We did not know how long it would be before a space opened up (there was unfortunately only one dungeon space, unlike the last D&G in 2019, where there were two), so we decided to go up to my hotel room for our alone time. I was almost afraid to suggest it, but C beat me to it.

I was still in my Taarna (from the movie Heavy Metal) costume as we walked up to my hotel room, talking about a couple random things. C told me about that one South Park episode that referenced Heavy Metal (which he would eventually show part of to me a few months later). When we got there, he took some pictures of me in my cosplay, which looked amazing. I always feel like a badass and so sexy in that cosplay. After that, most of the costume came off, and I was wearing just thigh-high stockings and my bikini bottoms.

He showed me the rope: cotton and fire-engine red. It felt soft on my skin as he tied the harness around my chest, under and around each breast, moved the rope around my back and shoulders.

He then pulled me close, and we began making out.

"I've missed this," I said in between kisses. "I've missed this so much. I've missed you."

"I've missed you, too," C said in return.

We kissed and cuddled, he touched me all over with his hands and one of my soft floggers, he used some leftover rope on the harness to touch me all over my chest and wherever he could reach, it felt nice. I honestly didn't even feel it at times when we were cuddling and rolling in the sheets, it was so soft. It was just a nice sensation. And being around someone I love while doing it just made it even better.

Before he took the harness off and we moved on to aftercare (we just talked about whatever, relationships, feelings, what we've been up to, etc.; I admittedly got emotional and feelsy), he took a few more pictures of me, which I still have saved to this day. It was a pretty nice time, and a nice last scene of the weekend.

[yandere-sins]

Hey!! Hope you're doing great & thanks for participating in a interactive game!! It's always fun to hear about the whole BTS from any creatives. Here are the selected asks for the writing game: 4 ၊ 5 ၊ 21 ၊ 22 ၊ 24

[Writer asks here]

Thank you so much fo asking, it means a lot! It's always fun to talk about writing as whole ♥

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

#4 Where does the magic happen? (Tell us about your writing space. Is it a desk? A table? A beach chair with your toes in the sand?)

Usually I write on my desk in my living room, it's pretty crowded and doesn't have much free space but it's mine and I like it that way. It's 'my chaos' so to say, so it's most comfortable :D

I usually write there but I will change to a more comfortable spot like the couch if I've been sitting on my chair for too long (since I also have an office job throughout the day), and in the summer I like to sit outside on the terrace with headphones so I can still be unbothered while enjoying the fresh air and warmth.

#5 Do you share your writing with anyone, or do you keep it to yourself? 

Unfortunately, I have no real life friends I could share my writing with. Most are uncomfortable with yandere stuff and I hardly write anything else these days. I do have a lot of online friends that would be okay with me sharing it, but if they like yandere, they follow this blog and see it once it's posted anyway, so I don't bother spamming them. But of course I get to share it with all of you guys, so that's sharing too :D

#21 How do you build a character from scratch? 

Usually it starts with one specific emotion or problem that this character should have. (Like for Rhys it was the "wanting to be loved by everyone") and then from there I go through typical proceedures like writing down some strengths and weaknesses, traits I want to implement, skills, I think about their behavior and then I do the looks and name. I also consider what will be happening in the story and how it'll affect their future and what changes in them. I like it when my characters write themselves and suddenly pick up quirks while I'm writing, and I try to be open-minded and discard features that don't serve them if I realize it isn't workable into the story anymore. That much flexibility is a must. Setting everything in stone really blocks me a lot, so while it seems like a lot of thinking I reduce the final notes one each character to the bare minimum. It worked so far, but it can be scary to give the characters too much power over themselves, too. :') Balance is everything, I think.

#22 What is your process for world building? What does the world of your current project look like? 

I really like nature inspired things, so that is my main focus when world building. World building is not my favorite part of writing, but I usually have a good idea of what the place my scene is taking place in looks like... in my head. I prefer to concentrate on smaller areas of land and I suit them to my needs. Oftentimes it's more ancient buildings and vibes since I prefer historical over futuristic projects.

In a project quite unrelated to this blog (but also the only project I have done world building completely on my own), the world is inspired by Canada. To be fair, since I don't really like world building, I followed a guide and I picked a spot on google maps with lots of trees and a city far enough away to still be reachable but not be a prominent setting in the story. And Canada because... well, I'd like to go there sometimes and it fits the description? :'D

Anyway, the story takes place in a luxurious cabin in the woods most of the time, surrounded by nothing but trees and birds chirping. It's supposed to symbol comfort and home, but also the fear of the unknown, the beauty of the outside world and the reconnecting with ones roots. A wooden cabin in the woods is just that for me.

Next project, I think I'll pick Scottland as a reference. Just a feeling though!

#24 Where do you get your best ideas?

Okay that will sound crazy—the woods. I think most ideas have sprung from walks around the local forests, back then still with my dog, so there are less of them now. I am a scaredy cat but somehow ideas just keep sprouting while I wander, probably because daydreaming is much easier in the calmness of a forest. I have pages full of notes and text messages, hundreds of words with ideas for stories and books. I hope to get to them someday.

The other most important inspiration is music. It has always and will always accompany me through my life ever since I was a child as my family is very musical and I spent a lot of time daydreaming to songs and will take inspirations from my breaks from reality. It doesn't work as much for art unfortunately. Sometimes, looking at a picture will give me an idea but it's a rather unreliable source of inspiration for me. But yeah. Firm believer of consuming art being the best way to create art.

[adj4mp]

Picking a Direction

I've been told that if I get into parliament I need to specialise and really I should pick those specialties right now and just focus on them and let other people worry about other things.

I have some specialties I can bring to the table there are definitely things for which I'm passionate about, I understand well and I can bring that expertise with me.

Social Housing and the Benefits system, I have experience working with my Social Housing provider and I've done Work Experience with the Job Center, I've been though homelessness and I've been though the benefits system and even been on the receiving end of glitches and errors.

Mental Health and the NHS, I've struggled with my health for most of my life, I was the fat kid at school, I've had undiagnosed or untreated conditions, I've dealt with physical disability, been treated and mistreated by the NHS but I see how most people within the NHS are genuinely caring and want to help. I applied for nurse training during the pandemic and want to see the NHS thrive.

Computers and Technology, my first passion as an adult was computers and computing, I studied Computer Science, AI and Mathematics at Aberystwyth University at 18. I know the things to look out for and the questions to ask. I understand the research process and I have experience reading technical papers. I understand the skill it takes to make things seem effortless and the limitations computers have. I want to see technologies that make the world a better place and see people with good ideas get funding for their projects, ideas may fail or reveal themselves to be infeasible but that's a cost of research, but failure is often just as important to science as the successes.

I have a whole range of issues like these that I have intimate and detailed personal knowledge of and I will want to pursue all of them. I will not be an expert on all the issues, I cannot know everything.

I know that saying "I don't know anything about X" is going to be seen or used as a weakness.

I don't think it is, I think that acknowledging there are things I don't know is a strength, it shows that I'm willing to learn and listen, and that I'm not going to jump to conclusions and give answers to things based on limited information.

However, I want to have some answers for most of the issues that I might encounter. I know it means there's a lot of work to do but I feel like the vast majority of the questions I'd need to have answers for are those that relate to the labour government and their implemented policies, I feel like those are going to be more at the forefront of people's minds in the next election than anything presented by the last government. Especially if the Labour government proves that they can deliver any amount of improvement.

[koko-online]

Final Dawntrail Thoughts (Spoiler Free)

This is a long one, don't be afraid to skip it. More of a diary/vent than anything.

FFXIV has always been a weird combination of genres--MMORPG, JRPG, and visual novel. The ratio has varied a lot over the years. This isn't scientific but I'd kind of represent its progression like this.

After 1.0 flopped (largely due to technical concerns, imo, the gameplay issues could have been fixed less drastically), they made a World of Warcraft clone with a JRPG's story. It was clunky, it had a lot of RPG mechanics, still a lot of MMORPG mechanics as well. Beginning with Shadowbringers, they continued dropping MMO mechanics like aggro and buffs and the utility of the trinity, but also started really abandoning RPG mechanics as a whole. Just equip the minimum item level so we can pretend there's progression, then do the dance correctly, you're good. There's nothing else. Honestly by 5.0 you could replace the JRPG label with Rhythm.

That's something that was pretty heavily criticized by long-time players, but the absolute strength of the visual novel components and, frankly, luck (WoW Exodus, popular streamers coming, covid) pushed XIV to levels of success it hadn't seen before. So they continued the trend in Endwalker, which, despite glaring plot holes still had a strong visual novel attached (ignoring the patch series).

What we're seeing in Dawntrail is half of a decade of intentional neglect shown to the MMO and RPG components of the game when the visual novel cannot stand on its own legs. No one had any hype or excitement left after the abysmal 6.x series to carry them forward. All that's left is a terrible movie I would have to force myself to watch on a plane, set dressing masquerading as an open world, and a litany of buttons that all do the same thing with very little player involvement necessary. It's a minigame within a poor visual novel that we pay a subscription for, and that's been laid bare for our eyes to see.

The first half was horrible, and no one disagrees. The second half is just as bad, if less straight boring. Without giving spoilers, they're really revisiting the well again. It's just Shadowbringers and Endwalker again without the baggage or lore.

I know I'm talking a lot about the story on this blog, but that is because almost no gameplay is required, rather, possible for almost any of the progression. There is simply nothing else to talk about. Putting the first and third trials aside, the most interesting addition to gameplay was actually adding straight visual novel aspects more often. It plays like a bargain bin Phoenix Wright investigation scene more than a few times. The rest is just filler for the story to take place around.

Okay, but Dawntrail has a jam-packed content slate for the next three years, right? Yeah, sure. In about a year, maybe 18 months, there will be something interesting to do besides the story and raiding.

What hurts the most is that the development team seem so bored of their own product that they're begging to be put on other projects. The development team is credited for taking and implementing feedback, but if you've been here long enough you know that's all smoke and mirrors. For how long have we been asking for Kaiten back, for example? For how long have we been asking to roll back the 2 minute meta? I saw a popular forum thread from back in ARR lamenting how boring moment-to-moment gameplay is for healers, and not only did they not change it up, they dug their fucking heels in and made it worse. They look at metrics to make choices, and when all else is equal, they take the path of least resistance.

I'll also say as a somewhat side-tangent that the metrics they use to read these things are so tone-deaf. Monk and Black Mage were two of the most lauded, well-designed jobs in the game. They were frequently held up as examples of how FFXIV can still potentially return to form, that they still have some creative juice left. Because they were some of the least played by the playerbase writ large, they were both lobotomized going into Dawntrail. As if a totally flat distribution of players on jobs is somehow not only desirable, but a virtue.

So, player queues have already dropped significantly one day after release. Do I think they're going to change course?

Frankly, no. They have their dickriders who want a Second Life playground to mod in. The narrative is already spinning, "Yeah it was bad, but it's okay that it was bad, it's the start of a new arc!", "It's a beach episode! What did you expect?????" These are both incorrect. Endwalker was a sequel primarily to Shadowbringers. Shadowbringers was also mostly a new arc. Heavensward was a new arc. Stormblood was a new arc. I didn't skip cutscenes on any of them. And speaking frankly, the dickriders have become such a huge part of the playerbase that they are simply more profitable and easier to please. Path of least resistance.

Given the current state of the industry, and how influential influencers have become for, uh, let's call them the simple-minded, I think for real change, the dickriding influencers would have to start dropping the game vocally. And that's not going to happen, it's their paycheck, it's a job. Who cares if it's kinda boring? Every job is kinda boring.

So where does that leave me? I'm not sure. I'm going to mess around a little bit with the new jobs basically just as an excuse to have contact with my old, old friends that I care about deeply. But this might be my final expansion, especially after getting into GW2. Once the illusion is broken, it's going to take something dramatic for me to see it again.

[meg2md]

Yooooo it's so hot outside, and the only place in my entire apartment with AC is the small window unit in my bedroom, but I don't want to be in my bedroom because that's the ONLY part of my apartment I've "seen" for the past 4 weeks on nights because all I do is come home and sleep and I REALLY want to dick around on the internet and play video games and finish Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow for book club tomorrow but it's so damn hot I can barely concentrate!!!

But

One more week of nights. ONE MORE. And then I'm officially a third year, which kind of blows, especially because last night was terrible. Got gaslit by an attending and cried in the signout room, then had my first bad cesarean delivery complication. :')

One of the interns told my co-resident that she feels safe with me and trusts my clinical judgement and is excited to work with me in a chief capacity, but I still feel like the world's biggest dummy. And next week, god, I do two nights of onc nights. Just me and the onc service. Duuuuuuude I'm so scared. Like my medicine friends have all dealt with a lot of the stuff I'm sure I'll get paged about, but I've been exclusively in charge of labor, antepartum, postpartum, and benign gynecology, which is mostly healthy people. Or unhealthy pregnant people, but I'm more familiar with those problems. Now I have to navigate SICK PATIENTS. Which is WILD. Things I anticipate getting paged about:

Afib/SVT

SOB/AHRF

Fevers

N/V, especially post-op

AMS

Hypotension

Decreased urine output

Vaginal bleeding

Medications

Post-op pain

And then I may also have to fill in the ORs if cases run late. I talked over some of these with my chief last night and she made it sound more manageable, but wow. I'm intimidated.

And to have to do onc nights and then roll up to present my research proposal and get asked questions I probably won't be able to answer in front of a crowd!!! Wow, kill me now. I don't have any idea what they're going to ask me or how to be prepared to answer their questions. But it's Friday morning so I'd best buckle up.

And then after staying late for research day, to have to show up to graduation and then back to the hospital for a night call shift, where at least I'll be back in antepartum/benign gynecology land.

I'm exhausted thinking about it. About how I'm going to survive this last sprint when I'm already so worn down and exhausted.

And then on top of ALL OF THAT my sink overflowed and massively damaged the apartment below me. I love being an adult!!!!!!

& I have to start organizing this webinar that I'm doing, so probably tonight I need to watch a couple of the pre-existing APGO ones. It's 7/10 and June is almost over. & I am trying to get the ball rolling on medical student surgical skill education but I didn't realize people had already tried to implement something and just didn't have time to make it consistent so now I feel like I'm walking all over people's toes. IDK. The politics of residency still baffle me. Is it ok for me to take over a project that has fallen to the way side? Who knows.

I'm just tired, and really hot, and very grumpy, and I have no motivation to do anything but have somehow thrown my laundry in the dryer, which is usually as far as I get, and then it sits there for days

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #214

Your opinion on smoking: I don't think it's a good idea, but you do you. I don't at all support smoking around others that do not consent to it, however; smoking right outside of public spaces even makes me mad. Second-hand smoke has killed an obscene amount of people. You don't have to touch a cigarette to die from lung cancer.

Have you ever wanted a wild animal for a pet? If yes, what animal? I am very serious about rescuing an opossum one day. I would never do this without the proper education and permit though.

Do you like group work? Absolutely not.

Do you have any stickers on your laptop? No, but I'd like some. It's just not something I'm willing to spend money on when you consider I don't have an income, and I certainly don't care enough to ask for laptop stickers as a present.

Does your grass need cut currently? No, the dude who mows our lawn was here not too long ago.

Are you a godparent? No.

Have you ever gone a full day without interacting with another person? Yep.

How many watches do you own? None.

Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? Girt, for just being a great guy.

Have you ever been carded when buying something? Yes.

Can you have more than one best friend? Of course you can.

What was the last thing you drank? At the time I'm answering this question, I have raspberry lemonade-flavored water.

Do you ever wonder if you will get in a car accident and die? Yes, I do. I'm terrified of cars on the road.

One night stand or relationship? One night stands are not for me.

Do you honestly have any regrets? Yes.

Who was the last girl to say something to you? My mom.

New tats in your near future? No. Of course I WANT loads more, but they're just not my priority right now.

How about piercings or re-piercings? Again, probably not soon, despite wanting more. I'll maybe ask for a nose piercing for Christmas, but that's not exactly soon.

Have you ever had a tattoo covered up or added to? Two actually. I plan on covering one more (it's very simple and VERY badly placed since it takes up such prime skin real estate for a bigger piece and I want to redesign it and place it elsewhere), and if possible, I actually plan on tampering with my Markiplier tribute tattoo; I no longer want his logo. Not because I don't like him anymore or have forgotten what his content got me through, but it's just not... relevant to my interests anymore. I would have to talk with tattoo artists to see if it's doable, but I'd actually like to adapt it to JUST a space background and, over time, expand the tattoo over the area more to add people and pets I treasured who have passed away, floating in space looking happy with astronaut helmets. I REALLY want this. It'd finally be a prime place to implement Teddy's dedication tattoo, and certainly I'd add my mom when she passes, probably even Steve Irwin, etc. etc.

Have you ever kissed someone who has previously kissed someone you hated? Yes, Jason.

Do you have any relatives with red hair? I don't think I do. My maternal grandma dyed her hair a reddish color, but it wasn't natural.

What’s your favorite kind of pasta? Just your average spaghetti with normal sauce, and add meatballs.

Have you ever had rabies? Nope.

Do you know anyone who ever had to get a rabies shot? I think so?

Ever eaten deer? Duck? Squirrel? How about lamb? No. I've heard lamb is delicious and I kinda have this urge to try it, but... the idea of eating a literal baby animal fucks with me and I don't think I really want to.

Does your car have heated seats? No, Mom's car is extremely old.

Have you ever been tempted to steal? From my friend as a kid, haha. I was OBSESSED with Dory from Finding Nemo and she managed to get the Dory toy that McDonald's had at some point and I was so envious. Of course I didn't actually take it, though.

Would you rather travel to Ireland or Japan? Ireland.

Does tickling turn you on? It sure doesn't.

What is the age gap between you and your parents? Mom is like two years older.

How many bathrooms does your house have? Is this enough? Two, yes.

Have you ever dated someone who was emotionally or mentally unstable? Yup.

Be honest: are you clingy? Not SEVERELY, but I am. I know how to control clingy urges though, like Girt always says I'm clingy enough for him to feel very loved but also not overwhelmed or like I'm pushing myself on him, he thinks it's a perfect balance.

Have you ever had bronchitis? No, thankfully.

Have you ever had a reptile for a pet? Multiple! My first was Shadow, a Chinese water dragon (I was a kid and they were very improperly cared for, they are not beginner reptiles and I had no idea what I was doing, but they lived the species' full lifespan and was a sweet thing, I hope the sweetheart knows how much I loved them and how differently I'd do things now), and I've also had two snakes in my past: Mona Lisa (died very mysteriously, I was devastated) and Cato, who died VERY quickly because they came to me with some sort of intestinal issue. Don't buy animals from PetSmart. 🙃🙃🙃🙃 Now I've had a champagne ball python morph named Venus for many years, she's my darling. I plan on having MANY more reptiles throughout my life.

Are you afraid of the dentist? I sure am. I never really was until I started to pay for the neglect of my teeth and had painful, scary procedures, plus the extraction of my wisdom teeth without being put to sleep because we couldn't afford it. I had bad problems with not brushing from my depression, simply forgetting, and executive dysfunction, but OH yeah I've learned my lesson and take much better care of them now.

Did you attend Sunday School as a child? I was forced to. Trust me, I wouldn't have gone if I had the choice. I harbor a lot of bitterness about this. I know my mom just wanted the best for me, to be a "saved" child of her god, but I KNOW religion being forced on me played a ginormous role in why I'm so hateful towards its existence, because faith caused me a lot of hell and self-conflict.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t around but their phone is. Do you look through it? No, because I trust him fully.

Have you ever liked anyone that was in a relationship with someone else? More than once. My first crush had a girlfriend, but they were struggling and he confided in me a lot.

Do you think your last ex ever thinks about you? Oh, I know she does. But not positively. She's an extremely hateful person and how dare I betray her by not keeping her being a Nazi a secret.

Would you rather have salad or french fries for a side dish? If I ever, EVER, order a salad over fries, ask with great concern if I'm okay.

Which one of your relationships was the shortest? With Juan. It didn't even last 24 hours.

Which was the longest? Over three and a half years.

Have any of your exes told you they regret breaking up with you? No.

Are you going to be getting any new pets soon? Not soon. I might be talking my mom into a velvet spider for Christmas, though... I talked about it with her recently, and they're small and OBNOXIOUSLY cute (even though she didn't quite think so lol), but because of their size, harmlessness, and I think especially my passion when talking about it, I think she might FINALLY acquiesce about me getting a pet spider. I will fucking cry if she agrees to it come Christmastime. It's no tarantula, but it's still a spider species I adore.

Do you like BBQ sauce? No, I literally hate it.

What do you like to do when you’re home alone? The same thing I do when Mom's here: I do shit on my computer. The only difference is I rarely listen to stuff without earplugs.

Should the guy always pay for the date? lmao shut the fuck up

Do you like Frozen? I don't hate it, I think people claim to hate it just to say they do, but I don't necessarily like it either. There are much better Disney movies.

Do you use Instagram often? Yes, more than usual as of the late.

What is one question you don’t like being asked? What I do for a job or what I even do in my free time.

Who is someone you know who is talkative? My nephew, haha.

Do you know anyone who plays the violin? Not that I know of.

Out of all your usernames for websites, which one is your favorite? Do you use it for more than one site? Ozzkat. It's what I use for most places.

Have you ever spent the whole day (or multiple days) just looking up one thing on the internet (e.g., videos of your favorite band, how-to videos, quizzes, etc.)? Bro I'm autistic, this is my LIFE

If someone told you that we live in a society that hates women, how would you respond? Absolutely agree.

Which of your breakups was the hardest for you to get over? ANYONE who reads these knows it was Jason.

What did you have for dinner last night? We had breakfast for dinner: eggs, sausage, and biscuits. The sausage was a brand Mom had never gotten before and it was the best I'd ever had, but of COURSE it was a more expensive brand haha, so I doubt that'll be common to have.

Do you write poetry? If so, what kind of poetry do you write? I did, mostly just angsty stuff as I dealt with mental illness. I haven't written a poem in a long time, but I actually do have concepts written down that are much more positive and hopeful.

Have your parents traveled to any countries that you have not been to? No.

What's your favorite type of gemstone? Opals of various sorts. I'm also fond of rubies.

Would you rather take a class in fencing or archery? Archery, by far.

Have you ever had a stalker? No, not to my knowledge. For which I am extremely thankful.

What was the last strong scent you smelled? A dead animal somewhere, I think.

When was the last time you changed your outfit? This evening, when Girt and I got home from Charlotte from him getting the exercise bike Javier was selling. I changed into my pjs.

What was the last thing you took a picture of? The worm snake I found at Ashley's house and showed the kids!

What were the positives and negatives of your last week? Positives are definitely multiple instances where I've really challenged my fears. The most obvious negative is I'm not as happy as I could be with my new psychiatrist; she's not as bad as the last, but still quite rude, EXTREMELY interruptive when I or Mom are talking, and just made me feel like a total fucking idiot.

What is one of your wildest dreams or ambitions? To have a photograph published by National Geographic.

What was the subject of your last phone conversation? My dad called me to talk about fishing plans. I still think fishing for fun and not consumption (re-released fish can easily encounter infection and die) is a mean, selfish thing to do, but... for the sake of bonding with my dad (who I very rarely see) and nephew, I am willing to choke on my morals here and enjoy something I did as a child with my family.

What are your plans for tomorrow? How about the weekend? Big ol' nothing. Today was a long day. It is the weekend.

What did the last jacket you wore look like? It's just a very simple, plain black with a hood. Quite sure the material is cotton.