#I'd fit in well in that world i should've done more

[fazcinatingblog]

There was yelling in the hallway outside my apartment (or from a neighbouring apartment I don't know they wouldn't shut up) so I just asked Alexa to play Taylor Swift and I can't hear any more yelling and now I'm going to get a pasta maker and go full Josh Thomas in his million dollar apartment and

[captainsophiestark]

We're Good

Kol Mikaelson x Reader

Masterlist - Join My Taglist!

Written for my personal fic writing challenge for 2024, Sophie's Year of Fic! Featuring a new fic being posted every Friday, all year long :)

Fandom: TVD/TO

Summary: Kol meets Davina and finally seems serious about someone, so his best friend convinces herself to finally let go of her secret crush. But when Kol gets jealous of her paying attention to another guy, what once seemed settled might not actually be finished.

Word Count: 3,092

Category: Angst, Fluff

A/N: Title is lightly inspired by the Dua Lipa song, although the fic doesn't totally fit it.

Putting work into an AI program without permission is illegal. You do not have my permission. Do not do it.

I tried not to scowl as I watched Kol from the second level of the Mikaelson compound. He was down on the dancefloor, in the middle of the latest party he and his family had decided to throw. I knew Nik or Elijah had some ulterior motive for hosting, but I hadn't cared because this time, I'd had my own ulterior motive. I'd put on my absolute best outfit and made sure I looked like a knockout, all so I could finally tell Kol Mikaelson, my longtime friend and crush, how I really felt about him.

And now, before I could, he was standing at the edge of the dancefloor trying to make a move on Davina Claire.

I should've known. Kol and I had been friends for a long time, and despite pretty regular flirty moments between us, he'd never taken any steps to make us something more serious. Instead, he flirted with, hooked up with, and even dated whatever mortal he'd most recently fallen for while I stood by pretending not to get my heart broken.

This time, I was done with it. For good.

I set my jaw and squinted, refusing to let the tears fall as I turned from the balcony. I almost made it into a hallway off the Mikaelson compound where I could disappear from everything, but of course, I couldn't quite get that lucky.

"He's a bloody idiot, you know."

Rebekah Mikaelson, my best friend in the world, stood before me with her hands on her hips, blocking my exit.

"Rebekah-"

"I'd love to have you for a sister-in-law, but you deserve better than one of my idiot brothers. As a boyfriend and as a friend."

"Bex, I don't want to hear it right now."

The sympathy on her face almost killed me, but she stepped aside. I thought that would be it, but then she called out to me just before I could turn the corner and escape this whole mess.

"Mourn all you like tonight, but tomorrow we're going out! There are plenty of men in this city to help you forget all about Kol!"

****************

Rebekah gave me exactly one day before she started hounding me about going out on the town to forget her "idiot brother". And honestly, I might've ignored her, except for the fact that Kol spent the entire day after the ball with Davina.

I'd always known he was a flirt, but this time, he actually seemed to mean it. So I gave him more space than usual, for my sake as much as his, and spent more time wih Rebekah. We baked and went on walks, and after a while, I stopped shooting her down when she tried to drag me to bars. Kol kept hanging out with Davina, but slowly, seeing them together was starting to hurt a little less. I always thought if he found a girl to get serious about, it would be me. And a tiny little part of my heart still tore to shreds when I saw how wrong I'd been. But unlike those first few days, the heartbreak wasn't eating me alive anymore.

Which is how I ended up out at a bar with the entire Mikaelson family, dancing my heart out on the dancefloor without a second thought for whether Kol would join me.

We'd first started a montly tradition of the firve of us going out and just having fun a few years ago, and despite various dramas and the siblings scattering to the winds, we'd more or less managed to keep it up. We always picked a place a few hours from where any of us were living and planned to stay the night, so we could well and truly forget everything but having a good time together. Normally, I spent the night orbiting Kol, to the point that Nik usually had a field day giving me shit about it. Tonight had been a little different.

I'd joined Nik in dragging Elijah out of the house, gone with Rebekah to order all of us some truly strange, fun cocktails, and danced the night away on the dancefloor with all of them, without my mind or gaze constantly circling back to Kol. He didn't seem to even notice the shift, and I was surprised to find that it didn't really bother me. Kol was a good friend, after all, and with a little more time to process, maybe we'd even be better off.

"Hey!" Rebekah shouted into my ear, still barley making herself heard over the music around us. We'd been here for hours, but none of us showed any signs of slowing down just yet. "That guy at the bar has been staring at you all night!"

I turned to follow her gaze and found a handsome guy looking back. He smiled, a little sheepish, and I returned the gesture before whipping around to Rebekah.

"Why are you so fixated on setting me up with somebody?"

"Because it's fun! And I haven't got to do it once in all the time I've known you because you've been so hung up on Kol. So come on, let me have my fun!"

I made a face. I wasn't sure I wanted to take a chance on the random person Rebekah had found, regardless of me finally being over Kol. She huffed, then leaned in to speak in my ear again.

"Just trust me! I compelled him and asked him some questions, and he seems like someone you'd get along quite well with!"

I closed my eyes. "You compelled him, Rebekah? Seriously?"

"Well how else was I supposed to make sure he wasn't some sleezy werewolf or something? Go on, just talk to him!"

"Fine! Fine, but it's still our Mikaelson Family Fun Day, so I'm just going to talk."

"That's fine with me! Although I promise not to judge you if you don't come back to the room tonight-"

I picked up the nearest thing I could find (a stack of napkins) and hucked it at her, which she easily dodged. I did my best to ignore her laughing behind me as I headed for the bar.

The guy smiled as I approached him, and I smiled back. I headed for an open spot standing next to him at the bar, and he started speaking as soon as I came within hearing range.

"Hey! I've been hoping you'd come over and say hi all night."

I smiled. "Why didn't you come over and say hi yourself?"

"Didn't want to interrupt you and your friends if you didn't want to be bothered," he said with a shrug. "Although, that girl Rebekah tried awfully hard to get me to come over once or twice."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, Rebekah loves nothing more than meddling, especially in my life." I paused. "I'm glad she convinced me to come over and talk to you though."

"So am I! I-"

He broke off at the same time as I felt someone slide up to the bar behind me, chest almost pressed into my back. I started to turn around to tell whoever it was to back off, but a familiar voice spoke up before I could.

"Why don't you go find someone else to bother, mate?" said Kol, his tone laced with the slightest undercurrent of a threat. Apparently, he'd decided to make sure he got what he wanted, because a moment later the guy whose name I hadn't even been able to get yet turned on his heel and walked away.

I rounded on Kol with a furious scowl, but he just grinned back at me, still very close and in my personal space. Normally, the proximity would've left me with butterflies, but right now all I felt was anger growing in the pit of my stomach.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" I asked, an edge to my voice that I'd really never directed at Kol before. His eyebrows shot up, but otherwise, he didn't seem bothered.

"I was getting rid of that creep who was bothering you. Come on, darling, I thought you'd be thanking me-"

"Thanking you? Kol, he clearly wasn't bothering me! I came up to him, for God's sake!"

"Well I'm sorry, it just looked like you might want me to step in-"

"How? How did it look like that, Kol?"

My voice was getting louder now, enough that a few people were starting to take notice, but I didn't care. I was furious at my so-called friend and he was going to hear about it.

Kol cleared his throat. "Love, maybe we should take this somewhere else-"

"Knock it off with the pet names! Kol seriously, what the fu-"

In a split second, the bar disappeared around me. Instead, I found myself thrown over Kol's shoulder as he vampire-sped out of the bar. When we finally stopped, it was just inside the front door of the house we'd all rented, with Kol's back to me as he closed the front door.

I took my opening and hurled the nearest pillow at his head. It hit its target dead on, and I got halfway through picking up another one when Kol used his vamp speed to close the distance between us and grab my wrist.

"Hey! Knock it off, alright? What's the matter?"

"What's the matter? Are you kidding me Kol?" I wasn't sure whether I wanted to laugh, cry, scream, or all three, but I focused on the screaming part as I faced a bewildered Kol. "You absolute hypocrite, how dare you pull me out of that bar, and how dare youstep into my conversation like that!"

"What? Is this seriously all about me scaring off that one guy? You hardley knew him!"

"Obviously it's not completely about him, although that move still sucked, Kol! It's about you thinking you have some right to barge into my life and scare off a guy who might be interested in me! Because that's what it was, right? There's no way you thought I wanted him gone, so you did all this because you wanted him gone, right?"

"...I- I guess I didn't really like seeing him with you, but-"

"But nothing! Kol, we've had just a kind of flirty friendship forever. And whenever it seemed like we might be heading into something else, you were always the one to bail out. And last month, when you found Davina and got serious about someone else, it ripped my heart out. But I forced myself to take some time and get over it! Because that's your choice, and I care about you regardless of if you want to date me. But Kol, you have been clearly, specifically going after Davina lately. Which means you have absolutely no right to come tell some guy at the bar to back off when he's flirting with me."

"Darling, come on-"

I held up a hand to cut Kol off. The storm of emotions had finally started calming, hardening into something more manageable. I'd let myself struggle in this relationship without ever having an up front conversation for far too long. We were going to set some boundaries and have it all out, whether or not Kol wanted to. I was done with the rollercoaster ride.

"Kol, I know you call a lot of people 'darling', but if you want to stay friends with me then I'm going to need you to stop calling me that."

Kol just stared at me for a few moments, blinking and apparently processing everything I'd just said. His eyebrows knit together and he looked seriously distressed, but I refused to back down. After a moment, he took a half step towards me, his hand reaching out slightly towards my own.

"...And what if I don't think I want to be friends anymore, darling?"

I scoffed, another overwhelming wave of anger rising up and over me. I shook my head and turned around, walking a few steps away and hoping the space would help me cool down.

"You better not be flirting with me right now, Mikaelson, after everything I just said and everything you've been up to with Davina lately."

"Davina and I aren't together, love. We went on a few dates after Nik's little party, but we've hardly seen each other since then, and I don't intend to keep anything going. You might have noticed, but you started avoiding me after the ball and I had no idea why."

I turned to face Kol at last, scanning his face for any hint of something that might help me make up my mind on how to feel about all this. The corner of his mouth quirked up in a smile, and I scowled.

"I wish you'd said something earlier about this little crush of yours, honestly. I didn't think I had a shot in hell with you. It would've saved us both some time."

I shook my head, slowly at first and then much much faster. Before I completely realized what I was doing, I crossed the room and smacked Kol in the chest. He was one of the oldest vamipres to ever live, so it didn't have much of an impact on him, but it definitely made me feel better.

"Kol Mikaelson, you jackass! You do not get to use this as an excuse to confess feelings for me!"

He laughed, holding up his hands and clearly fighting a beaming smile. I slowly tapered off my assault, instead opting for crossing my arms and absolutely fuming at him.

"Seriously, Kol, this isn't funny. I show interest in someone else for the first time in our friendship, and all of a sudden you're dropping everything to come and confess feelings for me? You get why I don't feel like that's completely sincere, right?"

Kol sighed, the smile finally falling off his face. He moved to close the distance between us again, and this time, I let him.

"I'm sorry. I'm not joking because it's a joke to me, I promise. I've had feelings for you as long as I've known you, darling, but I didn't think I had a chance with you. And you've been important to everyone in our family for just about as long as we've known you. If I made things complicated, or made you want to stop spending time with all of us, my siblings would've literally killed me."

I snorted, looking down so Kol wouldn't see me fighting a smile off my face. No matter what, Kol always seemed able to make me smile when I least wanted to. Normally, it was one of my favorite things about him.

"What can I do, hm? What can I do to prove I mean what I'm saying?"

I sighed, crossing my arms and at last looking up at Kol. With wide eyes and no hint of the sardonic smile I knew so well, he looked more serious than I'd ever seen him before.

"...If you're really sure about this, Kol, that you really mean this...?"

"I do. Darling, I swear I do. I promise you, I won't waste the chance if you give me one."

"Okay, then prove it. I've never seen you go more than a week without flirting with some human, witch, vampire, werewolf, or whatever other sentient beings we come across. Make it a month, and maybe I'll believe what you said about being serious about this."

"...And will we be dating for that month?"

Slowly, I shook my head. "No. I want to, Kol, and I want that to be where this goes, but... I need to see that this is real first. I want to believe it is, so badly, but after centuries of meaningless flirting and dancing around each other without a conversation, of seeing you have flings every chance you get and watching each one of those burn out... I can't just take it on faith."

Kol sighed, glancing down at the ground before meeting my eyes again. He didn't say anything, just closed the little remaining distance between us as he brought his arms up to circle my waist. He pulled me to him, leaning down with a glance at my lips, and I didn't stop him as he pulled me into a kiss.

Fireworks exploded in my chest. My knees went a little week as I leaned further into Kol, resting my hands on his shoulders. After a few long moments, just as my common sense started returning to tell me what a mistake this was, Kol pulled back with a grin.

"Sorry, darling. But I couldn't wait a month to do that."

I snorted and shook my head, stepping carefully out of Kol's grip. He watched my every move with a smile, and my heart did a backflip when he licked his lips. I told my heart to calm the hell down.

"I... certainly didn't mind the potential preview," I admitted.

Kol laughed, running a hand through his hair as he looked at me.

"This is going be the longest month of my life... but if that's what it'll take, I'll make it through. I know it'll be worth it, especially now."

I rolled my eyes, but this time, I couldn't quite keep a smile off my face. Finally, my heart started returning to a normal pace, and I managed to meet Kol's eyes again without having a cardiac event.

"Alrlight, so... what do we do now? I don't know about you, but I don't particularly want to go back to the bar."

"Is that a joke, darling?" He raised an eyebrow at me, but I just shook my head. His mouth dropped open like he couldn't believe I was serious. "I may not get to do the activity I most want to do right now for another month, but I did just get my best friend back after extensive radio silence. We have so many episodes of our favorite shows to catch up on!"

"...You didn't watch them without me?"

"Of course not! Did you watch them without me?"

"Of course not!"

"Well then, there you have it! That's our evening. You make the popcorn, I'll turn on the tv."

I laughed as Kol turned on his heel, getting immediately to work. I still wanted to wait the month I'd made him promise; I still wasn't confident his romantic affections wouldn't wander. But despite all that, a massive weight lifted off my chest as I headed into the kitchen for snacks. I had my best friend back, and finally, after a ridiculous amount of waiting and dancing around each other and poor communication, we were actually getting a shot at our happy ending.

****************

Everything Taglist: @rosecentury @kmc1989 @space-helen

TVD/TO Taglist: @elenavampire21

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hi. Can I request something similar to the immortals outliving you? Could it be with the rest of the characters and us passing from other causes?

Their reactions to losing you

I wasnt sure if you wanted the immortals as well, so I added them in here as well!

This is all written in one go since tumblr doesnt let me save drafts for asks so I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes <\3 it's like 1am rn

CONTENT WARNINGS, idk what all needs a warning but I'd rather play it VERY safe:

M*rder

M*rder revenge, almost all of them touch on it tbh, love me the revenge trope

Snorts^

D3ath, obviously

Grief and the general hurt that comes with it

In EJs case he sees your death first hand

Does violently slamming yourself around count as SH /genq, because if so that's vagued in EJs part as well

Maskys handles a hit and run but its vague

Masky also hints to a smoking addiction

Nonspecific illness in hoodies part

Slenderman;

I remember that I mentioned this for Slendermans part, but I had an idea that he already accepted that fact that you wouldn't last forever

But I don't remember if I mentioned/vagued the idea of how he'd react to you're life being forcibly cut short

Accepting the fact you'll eventually pass away does nothing when he finds out someone else was responsible for your sudden end

All that comes out is a cold rage, something that the creature hasn't experienced in a long time

Writing this, it makes me remember that clip from the first episode of castlevania where dracula appears in the fire in episode one, after they kill his wife

But instead of carelessly showing himself to the world in a fit of rage, he fiercely protects everything that you touched; his forest, your home, your grave, ect

But despite the rage he doesnt immediately take down the person who caused this

Nonono, he does what he does best; he chips away at the person's mind through stalking and paranoia, essentially tormenting them for.. god knows how long until he gets bored

When he does decide hes through with them he'll make sure their... death... is drawn out

Basically don't meddle in the life of a forest monster; he may be a very... passionate.. lover

Splendorman;

Incredibly similar to the other version of this post where he naturally outlives you

But if you pass unnaturally, he'd be even more torn up about it

His time with you was already going to be short to begin with, but it was cut down even shorter

Doesnt matter the cause; murder, illness, accident, ect.. he'll be just as broken up

There's no real significant changes; he still mourns and honors you the same way for the most part

Laughing Jack;

It was an accident; one day you were there and the next, gone

He would stay in the house for a few days, not even knowing what was going on

At first he'd be worried and confused, before those feelings would deepen into something debilitating

He'd probably eventually find out through the news, after turning on the tv to pass the time and fill the silence

His worry immediately morphs into ice cold; he could feel his heart drop

He'd throw caution to the wind and try to track down whoever did he

He doesnt care if it was an accident, he wants justice and compensation

He follows a similar route as slenderman; the only thing is, is that jack lacks the patience to draw it out

After everything is said and done he's beside himself; avenging you didnt bring him back and it hardly made him feel better

He likely just. Goes back to what he was doing before he met you; drifting from house to house and causing havoc; but now he carries a melancholic aura

Eyeless Jack;

Another story of revenge, but with a twist so his part isnt too similar to LJ and slenders

So I'll be using the idea I should've given slenderman (but I'm too stubborn to rewrite his part)

Like Slenderman, Jack is seen as a cryptid and thus, there are naturally going to be people trying to hunt him down. Especially considering before he was a cursed monster he was a normal dude who got caught up in a whole... thing... and who's body was obviously never found as it still walks

Jack is.. semi used to that; but one day he completely catches him off guard, and what's worse is that you were there when it happened

It was a group, too, usually they come in two; but there were more that day. If it were less Jack could have easily put a stop to it all

It escalated

You had tried to step in to help him, to buy him some time so he could run; but it all went wrong

I don't like going into detail about this kind of thing, so this will be up to interpretation

The whole thing flings him into a rage and he makes quick work of the remaining hunters, but it's all too late

Even if he wasn't, how could he help? He cant just leave the woods and dump you at a hospital... but he doesnt have the supplies to help you then and there... and even if he did you were both much too far away from the cabin

It just leaves him helplessly trying to stop the bleeding

He hardly ever leaves the woods after that; not even to eat

He's resorted to.. rather violently subduing the monstrous side of him that craves flesh

There's broken furniture everywhere

He blames himself

He should have had you stay in the cabin

He should have told you to run

He should have told you to hide

He should've...

The worst thing is that he begins to believe that it was his fault; afterall he let you out of his sight when he began fighting. Even worse, and perhaps stupidly, he believed this wouldn't have happened if he never met you

Its

Rough

Masky;

He just sits there, quietly

Be it shock or something else he just sits there

But his mind is going a mile a minute to try to figure out what exactly happened to you

You were.. in a wreck, and the other person just. Fled.

As feral as I tend to write and interpret masky, he can be thorough when it comes to investigating

Though I'm torn in whether or not he'd actually be able to find the person; especially because I'm kinda. Dumb when it comes to crime stuff and I'm not about to do mental gymnastics on something I'm not confident in <\3

In terms of grief, he seems... lost...

I don't usually hc that Masky smokes; that's just a Tim thing

But I feel like the smoking would bleed into Masky and become a whole... issue.. whether or not Tim as his own person knows about you/was involved with you is up to interpretation; as I tend to write the proxies as a separate.. thing

Still trying to find the correct term

But yeah

Focusing back in on Masky, he's kinda just lost. Angry, definitely, but mostly just. Wandering through life

He doesn't want to forget you

Hoodie;

Similar to Masky he's quiet and lost

Similarly he would feel the urge to try to find out who took you away; but I feel we've had enough "S/o dies at the hands of someone else" for this post, so we'll do something else... and because I fear hoodies portion will be too similar to maskys

You got sick, to put it simply

It's.. odd..

He's well aware that you're deteriorating, and he's aware that time is running out

But he can't help but feel calm in your presence; its only when you're apart that he feels that dread, and its constant

Maybe it's the fact that when he's with you he can easily convince himself that, in that moment, you're alright

It hurts when it finally happens

Out of all the guys, he's probably the most normal(?) About the situation

He visits your grave, a lot of the time, leaves little gifts there

He doesn't talk much, but he probably talks to you

Likely keeps something on him to remember you, like a locket or something

[lynx-doodles-indie-games]

minor and moderate worldless spoilers ahead! i really like this game so please play it so you can have the full context of my stupidity

this upload's gonna be a bit different, since i wanna talk about a Very Very Stupid Thing i did when i played worldless last month, and hopefully some of yall can enjoy me being the butt of the joke idk. minor spoilers are ahead, but i'll put the moderate spoilers under the cut below.

also because there isn't a better place to put this, the colors i used throughout these doodles are from sweetavery's zenith, it's an impeccable fit for this game!

so, picked up worldless last month and yet another game pestered me about playing on a controller as opposed to keyboard. "how dare!" i shouted at my computer, "for i have bested the pantheon of hallownest in hollow knight and make for a fine accomplice in rain world's jolly co-op with just a keyboard! i don't need a controller!"

well, to absolutely no one's surprise, the default keyboard layout SUCKS. but that's nothing a little rebinding can't fix. i messed around in the menus, experimented with what made the game feel mildly more comfortable to play, which worked for about twenty minutes.

so i haven't talked much about the story, yeah? well that's because this wrestling with the controls took up so much of my attention that i could barely clock in what was happening! so that when the above happened, well… you can see how well that went out.

i actually put the game down out of frustration because i was really excited for it and yet the controls were so obstinate. this was my first impression, and it… was not a great one, you can tell.

about a week later i was bored out of my mind and picked up the game again. i'd wondered if i should've started a new save or picked up where i left off. i wish i had done the former. because…

yeah, i'd gone off the intended path and ignored the objective because i'd literally forgotten what the game had told me it wanted me to do.

that's as much i'm willing to divulge to the people who want to play the game with as few spoilers as possible. moderate spoilers below.

rest assured, i'm getting a pair of controllers later this month. the transition is gonna be… rocky. i'd been meaning to get some for being able to play horizon zero dawn and hyper light drifter and other games of that caliber, but this experience with worldless urged that along faster. (i am not looking forward to relearning how to play hollow knight and rain world on a controller)

---

back to the game:

so yeah, even at this point, i had not connected the dots that the guy who beat me up was the same guy i was chasing across the map was the same guy i saw in that apparition was the same guy currently crouched in front of me. i get "early-game amnesia" every so often (ask me sometime about my experience with shovel knight this summer), but worldless has been the worst example of it happening to me, not helped by the awful controls distracting me in the opening, not playing it for a long enough time for my memory of the first twenty minutes to erode, and then returning to my old save file instead of starting up a new one.

i somehow blearghed my way into resolving the conflict peacefully, since i'd known the battles are a bit like puzzles and this one had given me the capability of using wisp's cry. so i did, thinking it was simply the resolution for the battle.

and this. this took me off-guard. but, obviously, not in the way the devs had expected. i didn't know who this guy was so suddenly playing as him was rather confusing.

which is a shame, really. i wish i'd restarted the game instead of picked up from my current save. i wish i could erase my memories of the game and replay it afresh (but with more optimal controls). i wish i'd gotten a controller before playing worldless.

but what's done is done. i wrestled the controls into something somewhat manageable. in the span of less than two weeks of active play, i'd beaten the game, found the secret boss, ascended the path of determination, and overcome the ultimate trial all on a keyboard.

dw tho, i eventually bonded with my beloved deuteragonist (dubbed him "coal" in contrast with the original deuteragonist "wisp"). i've drawn a ton of them in the past couple of weeks and i'm hoping to share em soon. gotta get the word about this game out somehow :D

idk how to end this lol

[demonangelgirl134]

Stayed Gone

Roxy and Black Hat cover (since she was the first to ever defeat him in my au)

Black Hat: THAT GODDESS IS BACK!!

Dr. Flug: Yeah, I thought she was gone for good, too!

Black Hat: It's been seven years!

Dr. Flug: Are you still pissed that she beat you that one time?

Black Hat: Uh F*ck you!

Dr. Flug: I'm just saying, sir

Black Hat: Things have changed a lot since she left town.

Dr. Flug: That's for sure

Black Hat: I need to send a message of who's really in charge of things now!

🎶🎶🎶

Welcome home!

I'm gonna make you wish that you'd stayed gone!

Say hello to a new status quo

Everyone knows that there's a brand new dawn

Turn the TV on!

Director: Camera speeds. Rolling in 3.. 2.. 1

Staff: Welcome to the show!

Black Hat: Top of the hour, and we're discussing a certain has-been who has been spotted cavorting around town after a seven year absence! Did anybody miss her? Did anybody notice? More on tonight's program! So the Phoenix demon is back in town! Why's she hanging around? What does that mean for your villainous empires? Well, handily, I've got good news for you! She's a loser, a fossil, and I don't mean to sound hostile, but THE DEMON IS A COWARD!

Black Hat: You can take that as gospel! pulling my viewers? Impossible! I'm evil, She's barely audible! Stop giving her the time of day! Don't listen to a word she'd say! I hope she had a nice vay-cay, but SHE SHOULD'VE STAYED AWAY!

While she hid in the underworld, all we villains took control! Now, her medium is getting bloody rare!

The world's been better since she split!

Where's she been? WHO GIVES A SHIT!?

Roxy: Salutations! It's good to be back on the air!

Yes, I know it's been a while since someone in power treated the world to a broadcast. CITIZENS REJOICE!

What a dated voice!

Instead of a temperamental mediocre bad guy

Come on!

Is Black Hat insecure, pursuing allure? Fitting between his fad and that? Is nothing working?

IGNORE HER CHIRPING!

Every day, he's got a new format!

You're looking at the future! She's the SHIT THAT COMES BEFORE THAT!

Is Black Hat as strong as he purports? Or is it based on his support? He'd be powerless without his three henchmen!

Oh, please!

And here's the sugar on the cream! He asked me to join his team!

Hold on!

I said no, and now he's pissy, that's the tea!

YOU Ø–ŒŁĐ TIMEY BÎÞÇĤ! I'LL SHOW YOU SUFF‐ƏŔ-ËŘING!¡!

Uh oh! The hat demon is buffering!

I'LL DESTROY-Ƴ ƳØŲúÒœø

I'm afraid you've lost your signal.

🎶🎶🎶

Let's begin.

I'm gonna make you wish that I'd stayed gone

Tune on in

When I'm done

Your evil status quo will know its race is run

Oh, this will be fun

[bloodpen-to-paper]

Review Blurbs: Barbie (2023)

~General Thoughts~

-I thought this movie would be like... PG. And then it got really emotional when Barbie was looking through Gloria's memories of the days when her and her daughter were at their happiest before Sasha grew up. And then Barbie got called a fascist. So

-Margot Robbie is an insanely talented actor. I'm gonna be honest, I'm not sure how well the movie would've done for me if I wasn't invested in the main character but Margot completely ate the role and made the story of Stereotypical Barbie very endearing to watch

-The pacing was surprisingly good for me, I'm usually really picky about pacing but they were able to balance out transitioning from the silly stuff to serious and back again pretty well, Greta Gerwig you have my applause

-Its an interesting detail that the Real World is still intentionally somewhat unrealistic and caricature-ish similar to the Barbie world is; not sure if that's just Greta's style or if there was a reason for it, made the movie a little jarring imo but I'd love to know why she did it and what effect she was going for

-The fact that Barbie wasn't interested in Ken and rejected him and it was treated as a good thing is just *chef's kiss*

-The Kens fight scene being a colorful musical number with eccentric choreography was so fun to watch I want more

-I don't care what you've been through, nothing could've prepared anyone for that gynecology line. Its such a genius way to remind you that Barbie now has to deal with the biological changes of becoming human. 10/10

-Allan beating up the construction worker Kens was the best moment 10/10

-Speaking of Allan, I loved how Allan was a metaphor for someone who doesn't fit into the gender binary. He was the only non Barbie/Ken, had his own unique name and was always uncomfortable/disappointed with the world around him no matter who was in charge, which was a great way to subtly insert this kind of character. He happily sided with the Barbies to help take down the Kens, embracing all the pink and cheering alongside them when they won, while also looking very sad during the part where the Kens were realizing they failed. Just all of it screamed gender-non conforming to me. I've seen some interpretations saying Allan is a representation of a gay man (being more of a "Ken" presentation wise but finding more of a space among women and being deeply uncomfortable with patriarchy perpetuated by straight men) and some saying he's nonbinary (wanting to leave Barbieland behind and never being satisfied no matter who was in charge); either way, what they did with Allan was very cool and I'm glad some queerness, even if subtle and less prominent, was included in the movie)

-Similarly, Weird Barbie isn't getting nearly enough love. She was one of the most fun characters for me (Kate McKinnon magic, duh) and she like Allan could definitely represent someone out of the cishetero-normative/gender binary (I've seen people saying she's very queer-coded and it honestly makes sense, she tends to dress and act in more un-feminine ways which I think says butch lesbian but its up to interpretation) I am also very gay for her give her more attention cause she deserves it, seriously

-John Cena mermaid

-Simu Liu Ken constantly antagonizing Ryan Gosling Ken over Barbie's attention and being the better Ken within Barbieland is a metaphor for how patriarchy will put women against each other for the attention of men and make women fight each other too much to realize who the real enemy is

-Margot Robbie being acknowledged as "not the best to make this point about ugliness" was fantastic lmao, love the meta-narration

-The way Ken's story arc and the commentary around patriarchy with the incel-pipeline was very strong, and I respect Greta for critiquing it the way she did (I made a full post here )

-Ken and Ken should've kissed. Any of them. All of them.

-Barbie deciding to be human in the end despite her whole journey being about wanting to be a perfect Barbie doll again and her being terrified of flat feet and cellulite but then telling that old woman how beautiful she was and watching humans be normal and mimicking their expressions because even though its scary she wants to feel the way humans do because she sees the beauty in it and its a love letter to women and to people and the complexity of our messy species omfg I'm gonna cry other people said it better than me so go look at their stuff

-Barbie helping out Ken despite everything he'd done because she didn't want things to go back to how they were when Barbies ruled the world, she wanted something different, better, and she helped the person she had every right to want to hurt because we're supposed to be better than those who hurt us

~Criticisms~

-As an add-on to the caricature blurb, I felt a bit weird watching cause Greta's style recreated facets of misogyny as a caricature, so things like patriarchal brainwashing, sexual assault and other very harmful misogynist rhetoric were told in a slapstick way. I was uncomfortable throughout a lot of it, and I'm still deciding if I consider it a genuine criticism to have such matters told in this way or if its just personal preference; would like to know other thoughts if you're willing to share. Regardless, just be aware of it if that stuff's triggering to you so you're prepared for it

-Loved the emphasis on uplifting femininity in Barbie, and I understand the metaphor behind the change, but I can't help feel they pulled a Breakfast Club with Sasha going from her all black attire to suddenly very feminine and with makeup. Being gender non-conforming isn't just for queer people, lots of women are like this and it feels like media makes it seem like this kind of woman is impossible. Not all women wear makeup, not all women are feminine, and I would love for a more masculine/GNC woman character to be able to actually be that. I'll forgive it a bit since Barbies' styles kinda revolve around makeup, and Weird Barbie was consistently butch, just wish characters that are brought up with the prospect of gender-nonconformity could actually stay that way

~Final Thoughts~

Surprisingly good! Don't get me wrong, movies with this style can be good for sure but with the recent surge of mediocre movies I didn't have too much faith. However, I was very happy with how enjoyable and passionate it was. Highly recommend if you like caricature-type works, and/or want to get into some basic feminist ideology in a more fun way that's still very meaningful and heartfelt. Barbie is not just a feminist critique, but a love letter to women, girl hood, and the complexities of humans and how beautiful that can be <3

[halothenthehorns]

Chapter 8: I MAKE A DANGEROUS PROMISE

"Define dangerous?" Alex tapped critically upon her chin, not noticing Nico's uneasy wince as she studied Magnus reading the new chapter title. "A swear upon the river stakes? A dare? You don't have to bathe a cat do you?"

"Her mind went from life or death, truth or dare, to cats." Percy gestured like they'd missed this. "Why are my thoughts being analyzed here?"

"If we could switch points of view we would," Thalia sighed.

"I've always been more partial to charades as far as games," Rachel grinned back.

"Oh, I own that game!" Alex beamed and was clearly only a breath away from challenging her now.

As much fun as that would be for all of them to see, Magnus reluctantly turned to the book when Jason pressed his palms together and begged him to keep reading.

Will didn't disagree, but he was getting worried about Nico again as he had his eyes trained on the ever-growing cracks on the ground. They could easily fit a shoe in one now, any larger and they were all in danger of falling into the unknown surface below anytime they got up to get a snack or use the bathroom.

If Percy lost it one more time, Nico might risk shadow traveling down one of those. This was probably the longest he'd been anywhere, since those first days at camp.

This would be the day he'd said goodbye to his sister, if he had at all.

And there was nothing in the world Will could do about it to make that better. Especially if Nico didn't want anybody to be there for him.

Blackjack gave me a ride down the beach, and I have to admit it was cool. Being on a flying horse, skimming over the waves at a hundred miles an hour with the wind in my hair and the sea spray in my face—hey, it beats waterskiing any day.

"You get to do the coolest things!" Jason was wiggling in his seat like a kid about to ride his first roller coaster. Thalia looked a little green, he looked so like that toddler... but they imagined it was because she didn't go near the ocean much, considering her dad.

"I'll be happy to race you when we get back," Percy proudly agreed, "but be warned, Blackjack's pretty unbeatable."

Jason's face lit with challenge, there was the smallest moment where the ocean breeze ruffled up his straight blonde hair that made Percy look at his own hands in confusion if he'd done that before Magnus cut in, "I call winner!" Then grandly kept reading so they didn't have to wait a whole year to get to that.

Here. Blackjack slowed and turned in a circle. Straight down.

"Thanks." I tumbled off his back and plunged into the icy sea.

I'd gotten more comfortable doing stunts like that the past couple of years. I could pretty much move however I wanted to underwater,

Percy glowered at the water surrounding him now in betrayal. Whatever Oceanus had done to take that way, he clearly took it personally.

The others sort of did too, because it would have been nice if he'd taken all, or nothing.

just by willing the ocean currents to change around me and propel me along, I could breathe underwater, no problem, and my clothes never got wet unless I wanted them to.

I shot down into the darkness.

Twenty, thirty, forty feet. The pressure wasn't uncomfortable. I'd never tried to push it—to see if there was a limit to how deep I could dive. I knew most regular humans couldn't go past two hundred feet without crumpling like an aluminum can. I should've been blind, too, this deep in the water at night, but I could see the heat from living forms, and the cold of the currents. It's hard to describe. It wasn't like regular seeing, but I could tell where everything was.

As I got closer to the bottom, I saw three hippocampi—

"Is Rainbow and the gang back?" Magnus asked brightly, looking all around the room as if still hoping one would pop up now.

"Did they bring Tyson?" Alex asked just as eagerly, though she well knew he probably wouldn't sneak out of the forges. Man she needed to meet that guy and instill a little fun in him as they swapped design techniques.

"I don't think it's the exact same ones as before, and no," Percy seemed just as disappointed as them. As miserable as he was around camp, it would have been nice to see a familiar face like his brother around if he just dipped into Long Island sound.

fish-tailed horses—swimming in a circle around an overturned boat. The hippocampi were beautiful to watch. Their fish tails shimmered in rainbow colors, glowing phosphorescent. Their manes were white, and they were galloping through the water the way nervous horses do in a thunderstorm.

Magnus's voice was pure longing as he read that. It was something that no matter how many times it was described, he knew he'd still have his breath taken away when he saw them in person.

Something was upsetting them.

I got closer and saw the problem. A dark shape—some kind of animal—was wedged halfway under the boat and tangled in a fishing net, one of those big nets they use on trawlers to catch everything at once. I hated those things. It was bad enough they drowned porpoises and dolphins, but they also occasionally caught mythological animals. When the nets got tangled, some lazy fishermen would just cut them loose and let the trapped animals die.

"Where's Artemis when you need her," Percy scowled, "I bet these fishermen wouldn't pull any more stunts like these if they were jackalopes."

"Poseidon doesn't take kindly to them either, they never give proper sacrifices before being so awful to his creatures," Thalia agreed.

Apparently this poor creature had been mucking around on the bottom of Long Island Sound and had somehow gotten itself tangled in the net of this sunken fishing boat. It had tried to get out and managed to get even more hopelessly stuck, shifting the boat in the process. Now the wreckage of the hull, which was resting against a big rock, was teetering and threatening to collapse on top of the tangled animal.

"I've never heard a better reason to get up at 5 am, not even donuts," Percy said without regret now.

"Baby animals, water skiing at sunrise, you sound like you're living a millionaires life," Will grinned.

The hippocampi were swimming around frantically, wanting to help but not sure how.

One was trying to chew the net, but hippocampi teeth just aren't meant for cutting rope.

"Is there a specific set of animal teeth for that?" Jason grinned.

"My money wouldn't be on a herbivore," Alex shrugged.

Hippocampi are really strong, but they don't have hands, and they're not (shhh) all that smart.

"We'll take your secret to the grave Percy," Rachel chuckled.

Free it, lord! A hippocampus said when it saw me. The others joined in, asking the same thing.

I swam in for a closer look at the tangled creature. At first I thought it was a young hippocampus. I'd rescued several of them before. But then I heard a strange sound, something that did not belong underwater:

"Mooooooo!"

"The cow?" Alex did a double take, once again leaning closer than ever over Magnus's shoulder, obscuring the book with her green hair to get a look.

"Well I didn't say mew, did I?" Magnus agreed as he spat a bit out and nudged her playfully back away. She just leaned right back in and he kept going with a smile for this strange habit of hers.

I got next to the thing and saw that it was a cow.

"Ten points, to Alex learning her animal noises," Jason agreed with the same strange look on his face.

Even those in the know Percy had just stumbled across the ophiotaurus like this were slightly taken aback at the randomness of it all and looked appropriately confused.

I mean... I'd heard of sea cows, like manatees and stuff, but this really was a cow with the back end of a serpent. The front half was a calf—a baby, with black fur and big, sad brown eyes and a white muzzle—and its back half was a black-and-brown snaky tail with fins running down the top and bottom, like an enormous eel.

"Naww," Will couldn't help but coo. So long as the snake half didn't wiggle about to much, he liked to think he'd give Bessie a little scratch on the ears.

"Was Poseidon having fun with his doodles and one came to life?" Rachel grinned at the little baby she'd never seen. It was a great description to start her own outline.

"The first cow Percy's met who hasn't tried to kill him," Alex helpfully reminded as she mentally sculpted the cutie.

"Whoa, little one," I said. "Where did you come from?"

The creature looked at me sadly. "Moooo!"

But I couldn't understand its thoughts. I only speak horse.

"I'm sure there's an app for that," Thalia chuckled, "maybe your dad can download the rest of the sea life if you ask nicely."

"I'll hold off on that until I get a sample of what dolphins are actually saying about me," Percy grinned. "My mom would kill me if I came home learning new cuss words from them, she'd take back her custody agreement."

We don't know what it is, lord, one of the hippocampi said. Many strange things are stirring.

"And this one's taking it literally," Jason agreed, imagining the muck it was swilling around in, plus stirring two different animals into one.

"Yeah," I murmured. "So I've heard."

I uncapped Riptide, and the sword grew to full length in my hands, its bronze blade gleaming in the dark.

The cow serpent freaked out and started struggling against the net, its eyes full of terror.

"Whoa!" I said. "I'm not going to hurt you! Just let me cut the net."

But the cow serpent thrashed around and got even more tangled. The boat started to tilt, stirring up the muck on the sea bottom and threatening to topple onto the cow serpent. The hippocampi whinnied in a panic and thrashed in the water, which didn't help.

"I think I'll take the free trial of that app though," Percy said uneasily as he tried to figure out how to be everywhere at once. Soothing the hippocampi, freeing the calf quickly, and stopping the boat from coming down on them. Some great hero he was, couldn't even save a baby animal from a net without making it all worse.

"Okay, okay!" I said. I put away the sword and started speaking as calmly as I could so the hippocampi and the cow serpent would stop panicking. I didn't know if it was possible to get stampeded underwater, but I didn't really want to find out. "It's cool. No sword. See? No sword. Calm thoughts. Sea grass. Mama cows. Vegetarianism."

"Where is Grover when you need him," Percy chuckled along with them, it was just too precious an image not to.

I doubted the cow serpent understood what I was saying, but it responded to the tone of my voice. The hippocampi were still skittish, but they stopped swirling around me quite so fast.

Free it, lord! they pleaded.

"Yeah," I said. "I got that part. I'm thinking."

But how could I free the cow serpent when she (I decided it was probably a "she")

Percy gave Alex a winning smile, and she graciously nodded a potentially wrong guess was far better than calling the little one an it the entire time he was rescuing her.

panicked at the sight of a blade? It was like she'd seen swords before and knew how dangerous they were.

"I'm guessing people in ancient times didn't greet her with sea grass and vegetarianism," Magnus said in sympathy.

"Why is everything either a bad omen or food back then?" Thalia pouted.

"All right," I told the hippocampi. "I need all of you to push exactly the way I tell you."

First we started with the boat. It wasn't easy, but with the strength of three horsepower, we managed to shift the wreckage so it was no longer threatening to collapse on the baby cow serpent. Then I went to work on the net, untangling it section by section, getting lead weights and fishing hooks straightened out, yanking out knots around the cow serpent's hooves. It took forever—I mean, it was worse than the time I'd had to untangle all my video game controller wires. The whole time, I kept talking to the cow fish, telling her everything was okay while she mooed and moaned.

"It's okay, Bessie," I said. Don't ask me why I started calling her that. It just seemed like a good cow name.

"Duddett, that is the most cliché cow name in existence!" Alex laughed. "Are you going to name Cerberus Max too!"

"So says Alex," Percy shot right back. "The first common, gender-neutral name that comes to mind."

"I make unoriginal look new," she swept a hand through her green hair with a very proud smirk.

"Hey, curious," Magnus said quickly before anyone could ask him to keep reading, "if your name wasn't gender neutral, would you change it every time you switched? Or, like, would you just want to be a guy called Sally?"

"It depends per person," she forcefully reminded again, before smiling at him and answering, "I would be okay with being called Sal, but I've met some who would still go by whatever name they pick no matter what gender. I've met those who identify as male go by Alice and females named Tobias, they all have stories. It, it's hard to explain in a short amount of time..." Her mind hovered over Adrian and she quickly waved for Magnus to go on now.

"Good cow. Nice cow."

Finally, the net came off and the cow serpent zipped through the water and did a happy somersault.

The hippocampi whinnied with joy. Thank you, lord!

"Moooo!"The cow serpent nuzzled me and gave me the big brown eyes.

"Round three of pretending to be vegetarian for a week?" Thalia asked mildly.

"I'll get back to you on that," Percy didn't bother to hide the sarcasm in his smile.

"Yeah," I said. "That's okay. Nice cow. Well... stay out of trouble."

Which reminded me, I'd been underwater how long? An hour, at least. I had to get back to my cabin before Argus or the harpies discovered I was breaking curfew.

I shot to the surface and broke through. Immediately, Blackjack zoomed down and let me catch hold of his neck. He lifted me into the air and took me back toward the shore.

Success, boss?

"Yeah. We rescued a baby... something or other.

"Who wants to bet Percy is not going to actually go home and look it up," Jason almost made a longing moan at the deprivation.

"Not on your coin," Magnus agreed with the same disappointed frown.

Took forever. Almost got stampeded."

Good deeds are always dangerous, boss. You saved my sorry mane, didn't you?

I couldn't help thinking about my dream, with Annabeth crumpled and lifeless in Luke's arms. Here I was rescuing baby monsters, but I couldn't save my friend.

"No good deed goes unpunished," Nico repeated grimly. Annabeth had saved Percy and Thalia's life with that stunt and suffered greatly for it. His sister had died on this quest. The domino effect of that one action had rippled all over everybody's life.

As Blackjack flew back toward my cabin, I happened to glance at the dining pavilion. I saw a figure—a boy hunkered down behind a Greek column, like he was hiding from someone.

Nico felt a rattling breath pass his lips before he could smash them back shut and lock his jaw tight. Here it comes, he knew. This conversation he'd memorized by heart without the aid of the book. 'I'm not holding a grudge Bianca, I'm trying, I promise...'

It was Nico, but it wasn't even dawn yet. Nowhere near time for breakfast. What was he doing up there?

"Studying the architecture?" Alex asked innocently.

Nico didn't react, even to the joking comment about Annabeth that made Percy wince with longing.

I hesitated. The last thing I wanted was more time for Nico to tell me about his Mythomagic game.

Even now, in the midst of his stupid, childish pedestal he'd held Percy on for so long having its greatest weakness revealed in the aftermath of knowledge in this quest, some part of Nico still felt the rejection of that. He'd never been more than a nuisance to his hero.

But something was wrong. I could tell by the way he was crouching.

"Blackjack," I said, "set me down over there, will you? Behind that column."

Percy did care though, Nico knew. It wasn't the love, admiration, and attention he wanted from Percy, but many other campers wouldn't have stopped to ask the dumb kid what he was doing. The Stoll's had only rolled over in their sleep when he left the cabin and grumbled at him not to get lost in the forest.

I almost blew it.

I was coming up the steps behind Nico. He didn't see me at all. He was behind a column, peeking around the corner, all his attention focused on the dining area. I was five feet away from him, and I was about to say What are you doing? real loud, when it occurred to me that he was pulling a Grover: he was spying on the Hunters.

"I hope Grover's not somewhere around there gawking too, or Artemis might have to start filing restraining orders," but Rachel's light quip fell on deaf ears. Nico's eyes were vacant to all around him.

There were voices—two girls talking at one of the dining tables. At this ungodly hour of the morning? Well, unless you're the goddess of dawn, I guess.

"Another reason I couldn't make it there," Alex made a face, "I will not be contracted into a morning person."

"A minor fault of the gig," Thalia grinned with an exaggerated yawn, but no levity was stopping the darkness from seeming to grow around them, like the cracks Percy had made in the ground had awakened something. They'd swear the dim light that came from nowhere was fading.

I took Annabeth's magic cap out of my pocket and put it on.

I didn't feel any different, but when I raised my arms I couldn't see them. I was invisible.

I crept up to Nico and sneaked around him. I couldn't see the girls very well in the dark, but I knew their voices: Zoe and Bianca. It sounded like they were arguing.

"It cannot be cured," Zoe was saying. "Not quickly, at any rate."

"But how did it happen?" Bianca asked.

"A foolish prank," Zoe growled. "Those Stoll boys from the Hermes cabin. Centaur blood is like acid. Everyone knows that. They sprayed the inside of that Artemis Hunting Tour T-shirt with it."

Magnus spluttered in concern and double-checked the print that looked like someone was flicking black paint on the letters, making them bolder by the word and impossible to miss. "That's terrible! They tried to kill her over a game."

"It would only maim or seriously injure," Alex batted her eyes as she said innocently.

Magnus snorted in surprise while Thalia winced and did actually answer, "err, yeah, mostly that. She wouldn't have died so long as she got treatment." Phoebe had sworn revenge on the Hermes cabin though and was no longer allowed back at camp after the last time she'd stolen all of their clothes and spread them in the forest.

"That's terrible!"

"She will live," Zoe said. "But she'll be bedridden for weeks with horrible hives. There is no way she can go. It's up to me... and thee."

"But the prophecy," Bianca said. "If Phoebe can't go, we only have four. We'll have to pick another."

Percy glowered at this disastrous group already having its first hiccup and they hadn't even left camp, but he refused to turn his scowl on Thalia again. She hadn't been part of this conversation, of course Zoe wouldn't offer a hand to him next, and he had to stop blaming Thalia. It was unfair of him to even hope now Thalia would refuse to go without him along too just to fill in numbers.

"There is no time," Zoe said. "We must leave at first light. That's immediately. Besides, the prophecy said we would lose one."

"In the land without rain," Bianca said, "but that can't be here."

Magnus was practically having to read with the book pressed against his nose now, the light in here wavering like someone was flicking with the switch. Will made a gentle, humming noise in the back of his throat as everyone glanced at Percy for being the cause, and Nico forced himself to keep breathing. It hurt, and was growing sharper like the oxygen was fighting him.

"It might be," Zoe said, though she didn't sound convinced. "The camp has magic borders. Nothing, not even weather, is allowed in without permission. It could be a land without rain."

"But—"

"Bianca, hear me." Zoe's voice was strained. "I... I can't explain, but I have a sense that we should not pick someone else. It would be too dangerous. They would meet an end worse than Phoebe's. I don't want Chiron choosing a camper as our fifth companion.

And... I don't want to risk another Hunter."

Bianca was silent.

Nobody would have let him go, Nico kept reminding himself over and over. Not any of them, he was too young, a useless child back then, she didn't want him to go. He could have done nothing to change this, and it wasn't Zoe's fault, it was Bianca's choice.

No matter what he kept telling himself, the hurt she hadn't even mentioned him didn't seem to be fading very well. 'Hard to not hold a grudge when you make it so easy sis,' he pressed his lips together painfully tight to stop himself snapping.

"You should tell Thalia the rest of your dream."

"No. It would not help."

"But if your suspicions are correct, about the General—"

"I have thy word not to talk about that," Zoe said. She sounded really anguished.

Zoe was right, Thalia kept her own bitter thought to herself. It wouldn't have helped to tell her. Thalia couldn't honestly tell herself what she would have done with the knowledge. Had a moment of empathy with Zoe as her dad wasn't the best either? Kept her mouth shut and kept it all to herself as she went out to save Annabeth and leaving Zoe's fate to herself? Been even more horrible to the frost princess of a girl for possibly leading them into a trap? It was an unknowable path, and one she didn't wish to dwell on.

"We will find out soon enough. Now come. Dawn is breaking."

Nico scooted out of their way. He was faster than me.

As the girls sprinted down the steps, Zoe almost ran into me. She froze, her eyes narrowing. Her hand crept toward her bow, but then Bianca said, "The lights of the Big House are on. Hurry!"

And Zoe followed her out of the pavilion.

I could tell what Nico was thinking. He took a deep breath and was about to run after his sister when I took off the invisibility cap and said, "Wait."

Like an angel and a devil over his shoulder at once, Nico morbidly thought to himself. His knight in shining armor appearing out of the gloom, making his heart leap at the sight of him before Nico had enveloped himself in shadows to escape the sight of him.

He almost slipped on the icy steps as he spun around to find me. "Where did you come from?"

"I've been here the whole time. Invisible."

He mouthed the word invisible. "Wow. Cool."

Will tried to give him an encouraging smile and wanted to ask him anything to keep his attention right now, but Nico's dark eyes were glowing an almost concerning purple, backlit in the iris's as the shadows on the wall twisted and shaped into pavilions and tables.

All Nico could see was that cold winter morning, smell the salt and feel the warmth coming off of Percy. How was it possible he could do any wrong when he could be everywhere at once in this world?

"How did you know Zoe and your sister were here?"

He blushed. "I heard them walk by the Hermes cabin. I don't... I don't sleep too well at camp.

Will gave up trying to distract him, he had a really bad feeling where this conversation was going coupled with the chapter title, but he did file that question away for later. Was it still true? The dark bags under Nico's eyes proved it was, and yet he hadn't slept at camp in months.

The others were watching Nico with their own concern, especially Percy as he kept nervously looking from him and away like a bad tick. Nobody else ever seemed to want to, or were able to gaze at him long enough to see such things for themselves.

So I heard footsteps, and them whispering. And so I kind of followed."

"And now you're thinking about following them on the quest," I guessed.

"How did you know that?"

The first of many times Nico had thought Percy knew the answer to everything. He knew better now, that Percy was fumbling along on these adventures as much as anybody in the god's world. Still brave, still a hero, still a good person who would likely stop and ask some dumb kid what was going on, but Percy couldn't do everything.

"Because if it was my sister, I'd probably be thinking the same thing. But you can't."

He looked defiant. "Because I'm too young?"

"Because they won't let you. They'll catch you and send you back here. And... yeah, because you're too young. You remember the manticore? There will be lots more like that. More dangerous. Some of the heroes will die."

He shoulders sagged. He shifted from foot to foot. "Maybe you're right. But, but you can go for me."

"Say what?"

"As if you needed him to tell you that," Thalia muttered, half surprised Percy hadn't already packed his bag to do it himself and sneak onto the bus.

"I really was going to go see my mom first," Percy tried to say that like he meant it, but even to his own ears it felt like a lie. Once he'd heard Phoebe was out, he would have kept the impulse to follow them until they all met in that dark cavern with Annabeth and Artemis.

"You can turn invisible. You can go!"

"The Hunters don't like boys," I reminded him. "If they find out—"

"Don't let them find out. Follow them invisibly. Keep an eye on my sister! You have to. Please?"

"Nico—"

"You're planning to go anyway, aren't you?"

I wanted to say no. But he looked me in the eyes, and I somehow couldn't lie to him.

...those sea-green eyes that had lied to him.

"That famous actor parent must be awesome," Alex muttered as she tried to grin at Nico, but it was like looking at a shape in a dark room, the kind of thing that made your heart skip a beat even as you scolded your brain it was just some clothes on a chair. He looked like he was being shrouded in darkness.

"Yeah," I said. "I have to find Annabeth. I have to help, even if they don't want me to."

"I won't tell on you," he said. "But you have to promise to keep my sister safe."

"I... that's a big thing to promise, Nico, on a trip like this. Besides, she's got Zoe, Grover, and Thalia—"

"Promise," he insisted.

"I'll do my best. I promise that."

A black energy crackled in the room that sent everyone's hair standing on end, a sizzling, dangerous power that blasted an icy chill down each of their spines, except Nico.

He didn't seem to realize anything had happened, still sitting stoically, eyes vacant and pushing so hard at nonchalance as the others shivered while blaming it on Percy's continued sense of foreboding on this quest, even himself.

The lights had gone back to their normal vision like nothing had happened. Jason swallowed uneasily as he glanced at Percy and back to the book that didn't have any new dents on it. Percy was rubbing at his temple, his eyes closed.

Will was watching Nico with sad blue eyes, as the Son of Hades stirred and looked around as if just remembering where he was.

"Get going, then!" he said. "Good luck!"

It was crazy. I wasn't packed. I had nothing but the cap and the sword and the clothes I was wearing. I was supposed to be going home to Manhattan this morning. "Tell Chiron—"

"I'll make something up." Nico smiled crookedly. "I'm good at that. Go on!"

I ran, putting on Annabeth's cap. As the sun came up, I turned invisible. I hit the top of Half-Blood Hill in time to see the camp's van disappearing down the farm road, probably Argus taking the quest group into the city. After that they would be on their own.

I felt a twinge of guilt, and stupidity, too. How was I supposed to keep up with them.

Run?

"Hijack another bus?" Jason managed an uneasy laugh, almost wishing for the nearly inky black space around them now. There was a comfort in the dark, not having to see the pain this was causing everyone. Nobody laughed to light the room a little more.

Then I heard the beating of huge wings. Blackjack landed next to me. He began casually nuzzling a few tufts of grass that stuck through the ice.

If I was guessing, boss, I'd say you need a getaway horse. You interested?

A lump of gratitude stuck in my throat, but I managed to say, "Yeah. Let's fly."

Magnus uneasily lowered the book and passed it to Alex as he looked at Percy. If messing with the lights down here was his new resolution to all of this, he couldn't complain, but the way he was studying Nico left a sense of forbidding in them all it might not be Annabeth he'd been so worried about this time. Hopefully the kid hadn't snuck out with Percy anyways and gotten hurt.

[ouvertur3]

Half a lifetime ago, I decided that I would not have my own family in the future. I was 13, and I wasn't able to explain why I didn't want a family of my own.

As years passed by, I started to understand why I was so adamant about it. As I knew myself better, I understood that I was not suited for it. I am... a bit odd.

I am not a fan of interpersonal relationships, but deep inside I want to connect with others. The problem is that I didn't take care of myself growing up. So some parts of my body don't function like they should, and neither do some parts of my mind. I have poor social skills, I'm kinda angry at that and I don't want to work to learn them. And as for my body, well. Let's say that any situation that makes me a bit nervous ends up in heartburn, a sensation of burning in the intestines, and gases. So for whatever reason I'm not a fan of being in social situations.

I know that I could learn to be less awkward. But I feel that if I do that, I'd be faking it. I would behave like others want me to behave and not like I behave naturally. And I don't like to feel like I do stuff to please others. So I don't want to learn to be less awkward. But I always say stuff that I should not, or tell a joke that is not fully fitting for the situation. I'm always out of time, like I go too fast or too slow for people. I resist to try to fit well with others. If I have to put effort on that, then I don't want to do it.

But alas, I do want to connect to others.

So my body betrays me and I become an unpleasant company for other people.

Then as I'm unable to act like I should, I know that burning my branch off the family tree is the correct course of action. I envision things in my mind that are not compatible with life. And while it's painful, I think that I'm paying off for the things I have done, for things I have not done and should've done.

And I want to carry on with whatever amount of dignity I have left. Until the day those things I imagine become reality. Things that I'm not sure will ever become reality. For all the flaws that I have, being a coward is one of the most prominent ones

But not wanting to have children and a partner is the best thing I could do. It is my act of love towards the world: I just don't want to taint the world with my offspring. We as a family have tainted the world for long enough.

And while my siblings have had their own children, I just can't do that myself. I can't have children. I can't infect them with the darkness that taints me, and the fears that have ruled my whole life. I can't have a partner and burden them with my shit. It'd be too selfish. I refuse to make more people suffer just because I don't want to feel alone anymore.

So that's the only adult thing I will do in my entire life. Take the decision of not having a family, of not spreading the darkness further and ending my days as far from today that I'm able to.

And while it's not pleasant, it's the best thing that I will ever do in my entire and insignificant life.

[actinidiafruit]

TW: tics, diagnosis, talking about myself.

Just to preface, I know I need to bring this up with my doctor (should've years ago).

I've dealt with what I've come to believe are tics for at least 6 years now-- 6 years is as much as I can remember dealing with them (I'm 20). I use the world 'believe' because I haven't been diagnosed, and I feel like my experience doesn't quite match up with others who have talked about it. I also have a very poor memory of my childhood, so I can't really provide any detailed knowledge about kid-me's symptoms.

ANYWAYS. But yeah. I've had the same facial tics (scrunching my nose, raising 1 or both brows, rolling my eyes and looking up to the left, flexing my jaw, blinking) off and on for at least 6 years. Potentially a sniffing tic as well, I genuinely don't notice it a lot of the time, though, but my family tells me I do it a lot. The tics get worse when I think about them or think about tics, get worse with stress, and become more frequent when I take my ADHD meds.

My tics are pretty mild. There are periods of days to a month where I don't notice them a lot. I'd say my most common state is about 2-3 an hour. Then there are other periods where I'll be ticcing nonstop for an hour or two a day (I also get super restless when this happens).

My problem is, when I've read online about various tic disorders, they all mention: 1. A premonitory urge, 2. Tics being uncontrollable (and sometimes not noticable to the ticcing person?), 3. People getting irritated with their own tics, 4. Tics being described as not feeling good. I don't fully relate to some of these-- or at least they don't read like my experience.

1. I do get a sort of "itch" feeling that goes away when the tic is performed. I'll typically tic until I feel better / feel right / the itch is gone (all are synonymous with each other). I have OCD, so the "just right" feeling throws up a red flag for me. Dealing with my OCD doesn't seem to affect them, however, so I don't know what to think.

2. I'd like to think I'm pretty aware of my tics. I don't find that most of them just occur without an itch that builds up in intensity over time. And even then, I can usually control whether to tic or not; it doesn't feel the best though, kinda like holding in a cough when you have a bad tickle.

3. I personally don't feel very impeded by my tics; this could be due to their mild nature though. I only really get irritated with them when I've been ticcing for an hour straight and my face becomes numb from it. I also feel embarassment when I get the urge to do the eye rolling and look up to the left ones. I don't want to come off as I'm being rude and rolling my eyes, but I can't help it. I find it way harder to stop my blinking / eye related tics.

4. My tics don't feel bad? Only if I'm having a bad day and have one of those "you're gonna tic for an hour nonstop" moments, I get really tired after those. I generally feel neutral towards them. The eye rolling one feels good to me (I'm extremely lucky that I usually don't have it a ton of times in a row-- it becomes painful if done more than 5 times).

But yeah. So I dunno whether to truly think I have tics, but it's the greatest thing I can come up with that fits my symptoms. I describe myself as "doing" them because I do have a level of control over them and it feels good to relieve that itch. Anyways, I'm absolutely gonna bring it up with my doctor next time I see them, though.

[macaroni-rascal]

Pt. 2 women's FS.

I will forever hold it against Carolina for unleashing the scourge that is Bolero upon us, because it's been like herpes these past few seasons. Again with the knockoff choreography. Caro was a very mature skater when she did it and she could be sultry without it being too much. This dress, while not awful, I found a tinge too sexy, but I guess I have to remember these are no longer the cute juniors we used to watch on the JGP circuit. This would've worked better as an SP dress for some reason. You have to wonder what ideas come from the coaches and choreographers versus the skaters themselves. Imo this is not Mana's natural style, the program kinda ran away from her, but if this is her experimenting, I'd rather she go in a more original direction. Her coach's fashion sense doesn't give me hope, though.

Mone's dress was the most skating dress to ever skating dress. The darker hue at the front should've started lower. I wouldn't have objected to it too much if it weren't for those damn sleeves. I appreciate that there was something in the hair but this whole look and program is just not a good fit for what I perceive to be a rather unique and energetic skater. It's like they put her on mute. Why try to conform her? Kaori didn't win 2 world titles and an Olympic medal by being someone she isn't. They need to lean into her effervescence, this is all too forgettable and generic for such a memorable skater. Nice to see Cathy Reed listed as a coach, but can we please be done with the Mie Hamada era already?

Niina - similar dress struggles as in the SP, but I much prefer this one. The color is great and the gold detail matches it well, and velvet is such a classy and currently underused fabric. The pentagram on the front is a confounding choice, but hey, it summoned her a medal? The back is better than the front, but the sleeve length and the skirt cut off her lines pretty harshly, she needs to be in an A-line skirt that fans out from her actual waist, and not where these two random lines are positioned. I appreciate that she had a defined vibe between the two programs, though. I didn't realize she was coached by Helen Mirren.

And just when we thought things couldn't possibly get worse for Isabeau, wtf is this atrocity? If you had a champion on your hands (whether she should be scoring what she is is a different conversation), would you send her out looking like a plucked chicken??? This is hands down one of the worst things I've ever seen in skating, and worst-dressed of the weekend, no contest. Do you think they know what the story of the White Crow is? Or the difference between a crow and a magpie? Did they cause a fabric shortage by making that skirt? We need to stage an intervention to pry this girl our of Julia's claws because she's actively choking her through sartorial over-saturation. And to use music that's already been done beautifully by some of the sport's most talented and to subject her to the comparison after teaching her that non-technique is just cruel. I'm even more perplexed after seeing her exhibition costume, which wasn't half-bad (actually, let's not get into how a 16yo was writhing on the floor to Madonna yet). I'm incensed by all of this and the fact that it's being rewarded.

Now for a sharp right turn from the worst to the best - Amber! Finally a dress befitting her beauty! Gold star all around! A stunning color on her, so subtle yet beautiful, and look! They even found her waist! Everything was perfect - from the draping to the proportion to the stoning. Her back is what Young's SP dress could've been. Thrilled about her 3A but there was a sense of "here we go again" in the second half. They really need to figure out the stamina and layout issues already. Send her to Ravi or someone else who will make her practice full run-throughs. I need her, Romsky, Deniss and Camden to form a support group for skaters crushed by the weight of their immense talent and figure this out, it shouldn't hurt this much to stan them. Welp, at least she won the best-dressed title here.

Long live Queen Loena, she threw down in a way only she can, and she's such an important role model in the sport and proponent of health. Let's not peak too early again, though. Now, here's the thing. How is this different from what she did in the short? Or the previous few years? It's like Adam saw P/C's waacking RD and F/G's Vogue and thought - this is what skating should be, and nothing else. Having seen Nikita's programs, I get the sense that the only culture her team consumes is Drag Race (which, I'm the one to talk, but never mind that now, I'm not the one making the decisions here), and they're stuck in the club and can't get out. I mean, she did everything but shablam at the end. Giving her pop diva music is a solid idea and Beyonce is a step in the right direction, but it's like she's really working to put the choreo she's been given to the music, and there's no melody to let her do it. The dress is basically Hubbell's Burlesque outfit, and it's simultaneously too little and too much. What I would've done is I would've taken the black bodysuit, gotten rid of the skirt, and if we're already doing a bedazzled booty, I would've basically used rhinestones to fake a Madonna-esque corset and it could've been iconique. I'm here for the sparkly gloves but I'd yeet the choker into space. They could've also taken inspo from Ms. Carter's recent killer looks. This is better music than the short but it's still too unz unz unz to flow, and singles and pairs need melody, while dance utilizes rhythm, which is why all attempts to do the reverse fail. The bottom line is: I can see her coaching and choreo team live their dreams through her, and I'm not quite sure we're seeing her in this fully. We know she has a life outside of skating and experiences she could mine (btw, what happened to Brandon? He had a team here but didn't show up, it must've been messy), and every time someone is committed to putting on a show, I wonder if they're avoiding vulnerability. Idk, I struggle with this because I do luv her, but I'd like to see her in the hands of someone else, maybe Jeremy and Massimo? (Not Benoit. Never Benoit.) When she's up against the likes of Kaori and Yelim, who both have more elevated material, and they all nail... Who will the judges go with? Herein lies the rub. She could win the title this year since the Korean fed is useless and Kaori is exhausted, but is this the material to help her do that? Great hair, makeup and accessories, as usual. I appreciate that she's breaking the mold, but they're creating a mold of their own at this point.

Just overall across SkAm I noticed a neglect of the hair as an opportunity for adding an extra oomph, and the men in the dance in particular have no excuse for this. There's barely any true 80s hair. I know they probably outlawed the hairspray everyone was using at the time a long time ago, but I'd like to see literally any effort, there was so much emphasis in the RD Comm about the spirit of the 80s and and those hairstyles done been exorcised of it.

Well, I guess that's it, huh? What a long and rollercoaster of a weekend. Btw, I'd use the medals and the opening group number in the gala as arguments that Texas should never host anything skating-related ever again. Ashley looked great, though, and it was nice to see her doing well. Mariah really didn't need that schmoozing moment with Eteri, but she shouldn't have been put in the position to have to interact with her as a host there, either. Zak looked great in his fitted shirt in the EX so he should reconsider that green pillowcase with a neck cut out he was wearing in the FD. And wth is the Germans' EX, is she supposed to be blind in it? You'd think someone would reject an idea like that from the outset, but someone placed 6th at the 2018 Olympics with similar nonsense in the dance, so why would they? Anyway, I'm so excited for next week, when I get to drag Wesley's R&J shirt and see whether Piper and Paul will delight or disappoint me. Toodeloo!

More correct opinions! Thanks for sharing all your wonderful thoughts, nonny. It was so fun reading all these!

[gvldntrbl]

-🥀-

"That's what you get for not giving me a middle name." Hale commented around light laughter when their mother merely gave them her own first name as an impromptu middle. "Which, how come you and Dad didn't give me one?" They asked Iris, meaning a middle name. Growing up, it wasn't an issue. Or a problem. Regardless of the hell they got into. Especially when they wanted Iris to return to Eastland. A gentle, partial smile tinged with embarrassment of childhood determination touched Hale's face. "Cause I'm an angry nymph who isn't all zen and peace and rainbow and sunshine with the world." They listed off, rather easily to Iris. "I'm respectful, yeah. To the Forest and to Mother Nature but..." Hale trailed off with a sigh, green eyes leaving Iris's own. "Sometimes, it was hard to believe that she truly loved me back, y'know? That she had my best interest at heart." Wetness lined Hale's eyes as they continued. "Sometimes, I thought she forgot about me. That she didn't want me here. That I don't know," Hale shrugged and glanced away, blinking away their tears. "That maybe I wasn't ever meant to be here."

"Yeah, well, if you're assertive, Ma then what am I?" They wondered aloud, curious about Iris's answer. "Southland's not sacrificed one for many, have they?" Hale asked, not sure if the two covered that during nobility lessons back when they were a kid. "And I don't want to use fear." They paused and shared a look with their Ma. "But I will, if I have to. I just... I'd rather be feared by those outside of the Forest than by any of our people." Hale confessed. "It wouldn't be the first time I've been someone's bad guy. But I won't rush us into anything blindly." They replied with a shake of their head. "And you threaten first 'cause other leaders still think the Forest is playing by the old rules. That committing one hostage is better than changing an entire realm." Hale huffed a laugh, not one that they fully felt but still, at Iris's comment of making leadership appear easy. "I've been your go-to for as long as you've let me. You think that I don't know how not easy this shit isn't?" They retorted back, once again, sending their mother a look. "I don't know if I'll always be benevolent. But I want to make sure our people's needs are met. I don't know if that's too ambitious. Or cowardly. Or full of bullshit." Hale shared with a look of quiet consideration.

Hale nodded at the instruction. "Yeah, what's going on with that?" The younger air nymph asked, finally biting at the second mention of their Ma's new or second or rediscovered mate. "With him, I mean. Politically and... not." Green eyes narrowed as Iris pointed out the realm's political connections. Hale hummed before their face scrunched slightly at the mention of Kings Hill. "Are you telling me to focus on that next?" They meant after building an unofficial relationship with Southland. The Princex smiled, green eyes rolling in good humor at their mother's excitement. It was nice that she liked Robin, that they knew she got along with the rest of their family. "About time," Hale shook their head. "Ma, she moved in months ago. What do you mean 'about time'?" The smile Hale wore settled into a grin the more Iris spoke. A chuckled left them. They knew that she could feel their emotion grow as she continued talking about the werewolf. "Ma," Hale drawled out, not at all upset but instead leaning into their inherited flare for dramatics. "I should've done this... gotten with her years ago. But that's then and I can't control the past. Right now, what I can do, is let her know where I stand. And what she means to me. If it goes the way it should, you're right. I won't have to worry about doing anything without her."

A thought came to Hale and they paused, their emotions turning serious. "It's late as hell since she already lives here but... Can you tell me what you like about Robin? What makes you think we really fit?"

“Hale Iris Roosa, you leave my tear ducts alone. You deserve to see these tears fall. You earned it with all that you’ve done and how proud I am of you.” She joked, knowing Iris wasn't their middle name, but they were acting just like her. She swallowed the lump in her throat trying not to allow her tears to spill over, even though Hale’s protection of her always made her emotional. “You say things like that as if I’m not supposed to get emotional and cry. How could the Forest not love you. I raised you to love her. I raised you to be respectful of this place. And anyone who meets you and asks you about this place has no doubt that you do care about and love it. Even if it took a while for you to get here safely.” 

Iris, smiled. Her lip quivering as she listened to their words, knowing she was one day going to pass the mantle to someone who understood why she did what she did and would make sure to never go back to the life that allowed a realm to give away someone in exchanged for safety. She was a mess of emotions rolling through her. “As a leader, I can sometimes come off very assertive and instead of being collaborative, I can sometimes use fear. It’s not good to rule by fear. It’s much better to rule like Southland. Rowan. She’s well respected and she never had to threaten anyone to get it. Sometimes my answer is threaten first. I’m also sleeping with and in love with the enemy.” She shook her head. “I’m saying that in general. I make it look easy, but it’s not. Every decision I make directly affects the lives of the people in our realm. That’s a kind of power that can keep you up at night. It’s why I don’t take as much from the people. Our staff is small, I cook most our meals and they get half days. Our Valkyrie and guards are handsomely paid for the work they do, and our people get work life balance.  Everything is balanced so that our people aren’t paying more than necessary.” Iris may have had some bad delivery at times but life under her rule was better than before. 

“It can be unofficial. We don’t want our people getting antsy since she’s the wife of our enemy. I also need you to know this is the single most important thing for us right now. Others won’t realize, but we’re singlehandedly the most powerful realm in Lume. We have connections, official alliances or unofficial understandings with every realm except Kings Hill.” That was as close to world domination as one could get. She’d vowed once upon a time to never be seen as the weak realm again, and they absolutely wouldn’t be. Iris clapped happily when they said they’d ask the big question later tonight. “It’s about time! You two really fit. In a way that I can’t explain. I have a feeling you won’t have to do it without her.” She had a feeling that they would be closer than even Hale could imagine. She could feel it. It wasn’t just run-of-the-mill love there. It reminded her of the feeling she had with Daphne early on before they knew they were mates. 

[aforrestofstuff]

Chapter 173 Expert Review: The "Hey, my boyfriend saw you across the bar and we really dig your vibe" Edition

The cover makes me so uncomfortable it's like I'm at a party and said something weird just as the music went quiet and everyone heard and they're all looking at me and everyone hates me and I'm so anxious and

Welcome to the Chapter 173 Expert Review! I have completely lost count of how many of these I've done. If you're coming here for a well-thought-out meta-commentary on the hit series franchise anime manga One Punch Man, then look elsewhere because I put a grand total of ten minutes of thought into this post that took me 45 minutes to write.

I hope you're all well. If you're new here from Twitter then yes, I'm really always like this and I apologize. I don't know how to segway to the actual commentary, so um......... here we gooooooo.....

I don't know what I was expecting. Could I have predicted that Murata would yassify Bofoi? Probably. Do I ever want to come to terms with the fact that he did? No.

Shut up I'm not saying anything. I'm not saying anything. I'm not. He looks like he's wearing those really oversized dentures at Party City. His head looks more like an egg than Saitama's. Why does he still look kinda.... no I'm not gonna say it. I'm not. I'M NOT. GET OUT OF MY HEAAADD RAAAAAAEERERARAAAAWW

I'D FUCK HIM!!!! I'D FUCK BOFOI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING HE'S NOT AN ENDEARING SORT OF UGLY OK IM SICK OF IT!!! I'M GONNA DESTROY HIS OLD MAN CERVIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANNA FUCK HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

How many enemies has Saitama made just by existing already. Is this number three? Sonic, God, and now Bofoi? Oh, well, I guess Saitama did fuck up his robots but that was self-defense 100% and it WILL hold up in the court of law.

Oh, okay. Now we have a better idea of the timeline since Saitama became a hero.... only two months???? Dude, I've had packages lost in the mail for longer than that.

I kinda thought he'd been a hero for at least six months. I guess what Garou said about coming back to fuck up the heroes after six months at the beginning of his arc was only a sort of red herring to make it seem like he'd be the world-ending Shibabooby prophecy, but in relation to how long Saitama's been a hero, turns out my guy only fucked shit up for like, what? One month?

Was this just obvious to everyone else except me. I really should've never learned how to read dawg.

THANK YOU Amai Mask for being the "Please explain the plot so readers with the comprehension skills of fourth graders can know what's going on" character in this because I swear to fucking god I had no clue what anyone was talking about.

Also, Ninja Leader makes an appearance as Blast's totally super platonic partner. Supposedly they were "searching for a mysterious cube" together. People these days make up such weird euphemisms for skipping work to fuck each other in a ditch, I swear. 🙄🙄🙄

A couple of things:

Is Blast wearing the Ninja Leader's glasses in the present? Oh, so they really were super platonic, huh.

You mean to tell me bro aged THIS MUCH in two years? 700 days ago he was late-twenties rager at Planet Fitness and now he's a 57-year-old salt and pepper daddy at the gay bar?

I guess it could have something to do with his powers, manipulating space-time and all that. Blast teleports through something that is basically a copy-and-pasted black hole, which could explain why time flows differently for him, but doesn't time slow down near a black hole? So he should be aging slower if anything.

So, did God age him? Is this even the same Blast that came in contact with God? Something something uuuhh time travel something something...

I don't fucking know. This could also just be a case of "Murata doesn't know how to draw people that look their age" although he's been getting better about that, at least... Just seems ODD to me that Blast has aged like an avocado in a manga where characters only seem to look younger as time goes by.

Very noble that he's fighting God alone with the Interdimensional Justice League and their Pocket Dimension Pool Table to protect everyone else. Something still feels fishy about this, though........ especially since he's a deadbeat ass dad in the webcomic. I don't trust a GODDAMN thing this boy has to say. I DONT CARE IF HE'S HOT!! And I think that is so brave of me.

Forrest has a theory and everyone's gotta hear about it a million times until he's proven otherwise.

Y'all already heard me say how God has one-sided beef with Saitama because Saitama broke the limiter God had placed on him, and I suppose that alone is still a decent reason for God to be pulled to Earth, but I still think God's full body (and power) is imprisoned in the dimensional seal Blast was screaming about as Saitama was fighting Monster Garou V2.

And Saitama's habit of fucking shit up as collateral for saving the world is further eroding God's jail cell, so he's unknowingly helping his enemy get closer to him. This fucking goober.

It makes sense because the massive body in the seal looks like a fully-formed person, whereas whenever we see God free, he's always a sort of unfinished skeletal figure. He's incomplete.

Is this another one of those things where it seems painfully obvious to everyone else except me. Y'all are free to hop in my inbox and call me a dumbass if you want.

Final thoughts because this review is already too goddamn long and I wanted to shitpost a bit more but I guess I can do that on other posts because I'm TIRED.

All in all, we really needed a good expo-debrief chapter to put everything in perspective because the Monster Association arc was a load of reveals with not a lot of resolutions. I think the ending was still very anticlimactic because, although we were introduced to a lot of shit like God and Blast and whatnot, none of that was really tied up in a satisfying way, nor left on an interesting cliffhanger. Just more and more questions. Even Garou's arc hasn't ended really, and all the development he and Saitama had gone through was forgotten (for NOW, because of Genos' core, but I digress) so it almost feels like... not much really happened at all. Nothing really ended, it was just a collection of more plot threads beginning.

I wish ONE waited a bit longer to really delve into God and Blast because I think the Monster Association arc could've been a lot more comprehensive and well-paced if it had just been (mostly) contained to what was happening between the heroes and monsters. But I can appreciate how comprehensive the plot is now after the fallout, just... the road to get here was rocky. I lost all the tires on my jeep.

I'm excited for Psychic Sisters.

In conclusion: if you were at the Whole Foods down the street and took a blue bike tied to the railing then you're a fucking bitch GIVE IT BACK!! THAT'S MY FUCKING BIKE!!

GIVE BACK MY FUCKING BIKE!!!!! YOU STOLE MY BIKE!!

p.s. -- I'm still waiting for the Zombiedad and Child Emperor Get Milkshakes Together omake. Murata, pls. Also give my bike back.

Thanks for reading. Please, I need my bike.

[tartagliaxx]

━━ ☆ REQUEST: I have no idea if this can still fit in the 5 slots for requests but how about vision bearer y/n from Inazuma that escapes with Kazuha? (shamelessly links a hastily written poem i made) I've been thinking about it a lot and I cannot for the life of me make a cohesive story out of it. - 🥖

" TOWARDS THE DEATH OF ETERNITY "

━━ ☆ PAIRING: kazuha/fem!reader

━━ ☆ GENRE: fluff?

━━ ☆ SUMMARY: for eternity is neither yours nor kazuha's dream. with a dying vision in hand — and yours gingerly shielded from the perilous storms — you ran away with the ambitions you had thought you lost still intact.

━━ ☆ WARNINGS: contains minor spoilers

"kazuha," the sound of his smooth tune halted at your gentle call. "where will you spend eternity?"

he gave you silence and a magnificent gift. a transient melody — of falling cherry petals, of gentle water ripples, of sunlight peeking through heavy clouds. is this what he hears every time? smiling softly, you turned your gaze towards him, admiring the small pout that formed in his thought.

"i'd travel."

"perhaps i should've expected that answer."

chuckling, he tipped his head to the sky, and with a silent greeting, he welcomes the sight of a light rain shower — a rare sight to be found in his motherland who only knew the will of a tyrannical god. "when the storm passes, what does it leave behind aside from its destruction? the puddles? the still water? it does nothing but cause decay and so... i would like to wander freely once more. i fear that i have been stagnant for far too long."

"your travels haven't been faring well i'm assuming?"

"not quite." you would recognize the subtle tensing in his jaw anywhere. "it's not really ideal to have people running around for my neck."

"an intriguing notion... must we really sacrifice our lives for a dream?"

"must we really ponder for so long?"

you couldn't help but laugh; quietly as if fearing that your god would hear your joy and chastise you for it. "i suppose not."

"are you scared?"

"of them? no. of her? maybe a little. of losing this? yes."

it was cold to touch but its chill was different from the ones you get whenever you catch sight of her monument. it's different from the ice that seeps into your clothes and bones every time the near-perpetual storms fall on your form. distinctively, it's different from the bitterness that fills you every time their suffocating gazes find you after a movement too fast.

"my vision does not define me but it does serve as a manifestation of my ambition. i was recognized for it by the gods themselves so... who is she to take it from me?"

your silence passes by and it thundered along the walls of his mind like a beat of a drum. familiar words — spoken by comrades he once held dear. most of them now lie buried in an old forgotten corner of the world; one with nature as they so wished to be.

"where..." he hesitated but before long, the question slipped out of him with ease. "where do you think the raiden shogun would spend her eternity?"

"in inazuma."

you almost cooed at the way he tilted his head in confusion.

"no one knows what goes on in her mind but if i were to guess... well... if she were to deprive the world of its strength, then that would mean that no one would dare challenge her, yes? i wonder... is our god's one and only wish to be a god for all eternity?"

"curious, indeed. a cup of sake sounds nice right about now."

your lips parted in surprise and kazuha reveled in the way you fell into a fit of laughter — unrestrained this time and he found that he preferred this version more. your heartbeat hitches up with each drop of amusement and your joy bleeds out of you like a contagious summer. yes... he prefers this.

"i—" "my lady!"

turning back, you frowned at the hurried appearance of your attendant. it could only mean one thing.

"kazu— ah..."

he was gone, leaving only a maple leaf in farewell as he has done many times before. a selfish part of you wished he would stay for a little longer if only for a proper goodbye but that would be too unlike him. the man you knew from your childhood was ever quick on his feet — never getting caught sneaking into your room after hours and now, not even when the shogunate lackeys are littered everywhere in the land.

"it'll be quite some time before our paths cross once more." sighing, you found yourself praying for his safe return but then you wonder, is there anyone out there who would listen when your own had damn near forsaken you?

news — or perhaps it would be more fitting to say 'gossip' — travels fast in the city. it may not be instantaneous as what you heard it does in liyue but it was swift enough for you to gather the hems of your clothes and run. kazuha spoke of the joys of wandering but as you hopped from one place to another, you found that there was no joy, only dread.

you only knew him by name and by the stories he had shared with you but you could picture the way divine judgment was passed onto him. did it hurt? did he regret? what was it that he tried to pursue? whatever it was, you hoped that he had found it and that he was content with the way his blade screamed his intent until the very end. it's their 'way' and try as they might, you could never see the glory in death.

"my lady!"

you were used to feeling relief when you hear his voice but now... now felt a little like desperation. you called out his name — once, twice, until you could no longer count, too disturbed by the quivers of your lips.

"kazuha! you're alive! i was so sure—"

"come with me."

your eyes traced over his frenzied eyes, his usual gentle composure unseen from the dark shadows that have made his face grim. you were thankful that he was alive but for a split second, you wondered if death would be far more merciful.

"to where?"

"somewhere."

you noticed his shaking hands next. he cradled a soft light — a vision — steadily fading like a cooling star from a massive explosion. the heat it radiated while it was still far from you had you shivering. it was a dying vision — your future should you decide to stay in a place that no longer resembled the land of your birth.

kazuha frowned at the disturbance in the woods. wincing, the burns in his hands pained him in ways he has never felt before but he still withdrew his sword. sending one last glance at your trembling form, he smiles. strained, lost, and most certainly not the easy one that never fails to light up his features but a smile nonetheless.

"what say you accompany me to where the weather is fine and i swear on my honor and my blade that i would protect you from what comes after?"

"i—" you gritted your teeth before untangling your vision, the same one you carefully hid from the public eye in an effort to preserve it. to hell with manners and the shogun and all those who wanted you dead! "i don't need your protection!"

you were a vision bearer and the vision you hold is a dream that has just sprouted its wings. it's the symbol of your resilience and the raiden be damned if she dared to trample over it for her own twisted one.

kazuha always thought that the dull colors of inazuma and its grotesque violets — a symbol he now knows to be one with the shogunate's forceful authority — didn't suit you well and neither did the purples that bloomed under your eyes or the sunken expression you have worn ever since the vision hunt began. today though, he finds it in him to smile weakly, is the first time he has ever written a silent prose for the beauty of your show of strength.

"don't stare too much! we don’t have forever!"

eternity held no meaning for you both because it was neither your dream. rather, it was hers and hers alone — never for the citizens of inazuma. as his blade crashes against the blade of a stranger, he wondered if they recognize her faults as a god.

"hurry!"

a second away from being too late.

"there's too many of them!"

an enemy away from certain death.

"i see the boat!"

and yet, you persevered like the mortals you were. to say that the boat ride was rocky is to speak in understatement. it was rough and half of the ride was spent trying to breathe through the tumultuous waves. still, it did give you enough time to fix your thoughts and for him, to grieve.

what was eternity?

it's silence; non-existent. it's something that becomes cruel first before it becomes lonely second. it's self-destruction in a fancy, cursive script or perhaps it's a sickening desire — a passionate one that burns through skin not too far from the empty shell that kazuha has been fiddling with since a couple of his newfound friends dragged you out from your fate of drowning in saltwater. perhaps eternity is becoming the storm that wrecks the seven nations or perhaps it's trudging the path to the burning sun. whatever it was, the romanticization in the texts you were brought up with was suddenly sickening.

"i didn't get to ask back then." you turned to kazuha, not expecting him to speak when too much has happened. too much.

"would you like to hear an answer now?"

"that would be nice." he hummed and you felt a weight lifting on your chest when you noticed a faint sign of him behind all the weariness. "where would you spend your eternity?"

ah.

you smiled despondently, staring at your unstable reflection in the deep, blue sea. "it was eternity that denied me of my fate. likewise, i will continue to renounce its existence out of spite."

it was eternity that had piled the corpses of many innocent men and it was eternity that... kazuha lifts his bandaged hand, briefly remembering the way you gingerly touched him when you offered to treat him while he was stuck in his own thoughts. it was eternity that looked down on the strength of humankind, who despite their looming mortality, still strive to do something of relevance.

"still, it's a little unfair if i left you with such an unsatisfying answer. let's see... how would you put it if you were me? ah!"

kazuha didn't bother to hide his amusement as you cleared your throat with a cheeky grin. right. there was once a time that the sole string that bounds him still to inazuma was his trusty blade. this was not half as bad as he expected it to be. never the one to actively seek companionship, even he surprised himself when he all but begged you to leave with him but just this once, he'll believe that he made the right decision. in any case, it was hard to think otherwise when the soft breeze carried the scent of both the seas and the skies and the sweet perfume you loved to him.

"i will sit in freedom under a sun that does not shy from me — far from the clocks that drink my numbered days away."

"striking imageries... you've improved."

you rolled your eyes playfully at his teasing jab, "well, aren't you the professional..."

"second nature is all. a samurai who only knows how to swing a sword is not much of a samurai at all."

"exciting."

your dull tone had him chuckling before his smile falls, gently brushing over the small scratch on your cheeks that you got from the dispute not even five hours earlier. he turns somber, only because even the smallest gash on you was a reminder that at the end of the day, inazuma was yours to claim as a noblewoman. he wonders, he truly does, if the thread on your finger leads to inazuma's release from a god's self-serving desires.

"we'll be back." he mutters softly with a distant gaze, right about in the approximate direction of your home. "one day."

what does it mean to challenge eternity?

the vision nestled in your pocket’s safety was proof that your name was both tainted and doomed; that to the eyes of the people in inazuma, you are no longer the noblewoman they once knew. death approaches all too soon to those who do not have the luxury of partaking in the gift of immortality but it draws far too faster for you who has turned her back against the nation. in your hand, on his shoulder, in the small box by his side — was inazuma’s last beacon of light against the future led astray by a mournful dream.

irrelevant you may be to the eyes of the goddess but do fleeting memories really hold as little weight as she thinks it to be? with time, you will be but a red, lonesome leaf floating in the wind. with time, whispers of your grand escape would be nothing but a fictional tale. with time, the storms would break and mend the rocks that proved your existence. short and ephemeral — definitely not the eternity that she hoped for but somehow, death’s judgment held more comfort than the heated glare of a hundred eyes.

“one day.”

━━ ☆ NOTES: i'm so hyped for inazuma sigh. thank you for requesting and entrusting me to write smth comprehensible. i hope you liked it bc i sure as hell didnt :DD

[differentkettleoffishalltogether]

I’m On Fire [Chapter 1]

Summary: With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

A/N:  This is the first part in a series, I’ve written the first few chapters already so I’m hoping to update pretty regularly! I hope you guys enjoy, and any feedback is always appreciated! ❤️

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: None really for this chapter, cursing? Mean-ish Spencer

Word Count: 6.5k

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist 

I wasn’t at the BAU long before it started to feel like home. The team became my family, pure and simple.

Having been recruited by Hotch at only 22 I'd sort of fallen into the roll of the little sister to the team without really meaning to. It's not that I was naive, or particularly sheltered even. I know I'm good at my job, and I'd want to be, given how my life's revolved around it almost entirely. But the team seemed to adopt a protective mindset over me right off the bat.

When I first joined the FBI everything was terrifying. I worked so hard for my PhD, trying to get into the unit, but there's almost nothing that can actually prepare you for the real thing. Being out in action in the field, working the cases out in real time. Sometimes they had a smooth, easy conclusion followed by loud obnoxious drinks together. Then there were the others, the ones that kept me up for days after and felt as though they owned little pieces of my heart still.

It was JJ that helped the most on those horrible flights back on the jet. Noticing my anxious ticks and uneasy disposition after that first case that had ended badly. JJ had been through it all before, taking too many cases home with her. Seeing her son's little faces in the kids that we couldn't help. If I was the baby of the team JJ was the big sister, looking out for everyone.

Morgan on the other hand was the outrageously cool older brother, the one you just wanted to be. Early on he'd helped my weak self with the ruthless fitness regimen the FBI required, he offered to pull some strings and get the test written off. But I couldn't accept that, there was something in me that just wanted to impress Morgan, and honestly still does. Like somehow if he thought you were cool, then it became true. So I passed the exam, but getting up a flight of stairs was near impossible for a week after.

Emily was probably the fun aunt. The one that would sneak you booze at the family gathering, or take you to your first concert. Emily was actually the one who'd found me, digging around colleges for potential recruits she'd had me picked out for a while I later found out. Insisting that Hotch give me a shot. It was reassuring to know I had someone who would stick up for me from day one.

I was an tech analyst, among other things, sort of a counterpart for Garcia in the field. So it was no surprise to anyone when the two of us hit it off as though we'd known each other forever. We weren't the same by any means though. Penelope was bold, and bright, and confident beyond measure, where I've typically felt like more of a blend into the background type. I've always thought of myself that way, despite my achievements. I'd also always believed I was fairly inoffensive, no one I'd met had ever had a huge problem with me, 'till I got to the BAU that is.

Every rose has its thorn I suppose.

That thorn in my side was Dr. Spencer Reid.

It wasn't that Dr. Reid was a bad agent, or even a bad person. I hadn't actually met him before that first day in the conference room, but I'd known who he was for a long time. Before I came along he'd held the mantle of 'youngest ever recruit' in the unit, while I was studying I'd read any of his work I could get my hands on because of that fact.

I figured it must've been some sort of hazing when he looked me up and down that first day I was introduced, and then proceeded to blank me entirely for a full week. Up until I'd wrapped my first case.

The whole team went straight from the jet to the bar. Proceeding to get far too drunk. Spencer joined, which the rest of the team found unusual, and I probably should've taken as a sign of things to come.

That case went well, and everyone was in high spirits but Reid had a sour disposition, at least it seemed that way every time he looked at me. After a few too many drinks I went outside in an attempt to sober up in the cold air, unfortunately Reid must've snuck outside not long before.

"Ugh" was all he said when he first caught my silhouette approaching him. The night was unusually cold so it had been deserted outside the bar that evening. I wasn't really sure why it made me nervous to be alone with him like this, the two of us leaning back against the same small area of brick wall, looking out at the cold night.

"Nice to see you too doctor" was all I could muster, I was drunk enough that I let my sarcastic tone leap out, "you can relax, I'm just trying to get some fresh air, it's too stuffy in there, and loud. I'm not here to talk to you or anything."

"Well aren't you a sensitive thing" he responds in kind, at that point I wasn't really sure if it was a coincidence or if he'd been genuinely avoiding me, but things were starting to clear up.

"I'm sensitive, that's a fun take on things" I joke, taking a long sip of cold water from my glass.

"And what's that supposed to mean, newbie?" his emphasis on the last word all but confirms my suspicions.

"Fuck man, what's your problem with me? Is it because I'm new, or because I beat your stupid record?" I quip. hoping that at the very least it might coax him out of his shell. Dr. Spencer Reid getting angry at me could honestly be better than the nothing I'd been experiencing from him until now.

"What stupid record?" he sounds genuinely confused

"I'm the youngest BAU recruit now?" I didn't know why else he could be so sour. He'd never met me before last week, and since he'd ignored me that first day I'd done all I could not to step on his toes. So if he had a reason to hate me this much, it wasn't something I'd done on purpose.

He takes a few moments to respond, raising his eyebrows and considering the information. He chuckles. He fucking chuckles.

"That's funny." he says, his voice leveling out, "I didn't peg you as funny newbie" that word sets something off in me again. Something about it is dismissive, or belittling. Before I could fight back he starts to move, maneuvering around me and heading back inside. A little too tipsy to think of anything constructive to say, I just mutter "Fuck you Spencer."

He swings open the door, as he walks inside he just says "See you Monday, Newbie" without even looking at me.

And that was only the beginning.

----

"You know I'm just trying to make sure you get enough rest sweetheart. There's no need to get so defensive!" it was far too early in the morning to be dealing with this call. Since joining the BAU a few years ago this was a standard call from my Mom. Equal parts well meaning and over-bearing, and generally asking far too many questions.

"I'm not getting defensive Mom, I get plenty of rest, my job is just very important to me and you know that." I knew she was right to be at least a little worried, this job was consuming, and in all honesty I wasn't sure how people like JJ were married and still here. It seemed like an impossible feat.

"Fine sweetie, how are your co-workers doing then? How's Penelope? Give her my love" she loved Penelope, I think she thought that Penelope tethered me to the normal world, and in a way she was right. She kept me sane, and fun, and made me eat pizza and do face masks once a week at least. Even when I didn't think I wanted to.

"Pen's great Mom, everyone's good. Well, the usual ones get on my nerves, but I'm fine." As I say it I glance across at Dr. Reid, the only person who's also in as early as I am most days. I'm not sure if he can hear me but he's tapping his pen so loud on his desk that it takes all of my energy not to walk across the bullpen and stab him with it.

"Y'know what Mom, I'm actually just after getting to work and it's a busy day so can I call you back later?" I chance, getting her off the phone is always an ordeal.

"Fine, fine, I'll let you go. But wait one last thing!"

I knew what was coming. It was always coming.

"Are you seeing anyone, Margot's been wondering too, just thought I'd check in?"

Pinching the bridge of my nose and trying not to scream down the line, I just sigh out the frustration instead.

"No Mom, believe it or not, I've made no progress on that front since you asked me all of 3 days ago."

"See you are being defensive!" she snaps

"I gotta go, bye Mom. Love you!" I say, hanging up quickly before dropping my head down into my arms on my desk, resting like that for a few moments in silence.

Hearing Garica chuckle behind my ear I perk up and spin around. She's holding a small paper cup of coffee and hands it to me. I look at it confused, "Sorry about the paper, I couldn't find your mug in the cabinet" she apologizes, looking over at Dr. Reid and rolling her eyes. Now I know he can hear me from his seat, he takes that moment to sip from my mug and place it gently back on his desk.

It hadn't taken long for him to start toying with me. It was always stupid childish things. Things I couldn't get genuinely annoyed at, that would give him far too much satisfaction, knowing he was getting to me in any real way. This was one trick he liked to play if he got into the office before me, he'd take my mug and make his coffee in it, just to spite me I guess.

"Why does he even do that, it's so stale" she said, just a little louder than normal to make sure he could hear. Garcia and Reid were still good friends and team-mates but she liked to stand up for me when she could. He liked to avoid me as much as possible so he'd usually go to Garcia before me if he needed help with something. Even when the two of us were out in the field together. Which was obnoxious but it was just another thing I'd gotten used to over time. And as long as it didn’t interfere with the case I just forced myself to let it go.

"I know it's such low grade bullying isn't it?" I shot back with a chuckle.

"So I'll take it that was Mommy dearest" Penelope gestures to my phone. She knew my Mom, and she knew about her general overbearing energy. I let out a groan thinking about the call again, and the calls that were to come.

"Isn't it always Mommy dearest?" I joke

"So she's still on your ass about the wedding then?" I'm sure Penelope was almost as sick of hearing about it as I was,

"Margot's getting married in like 4 months now, and every time Mom calls there’s just some new hometown loser she wants to set me up with Pen. It's fucking exhausting" I take a sip of the coffee she made me, savoring the bitter taste. She sits down on my desk for a moment, leaning in.

"Honey, did you ever think that if you got out there and found someone, she wouldn't be on your ass at all?" I don't want to think about that, about how she's completely right. All I can do is let out another small groan and lean back down onto my desk.

"Too early Pen" I say, it's muffled by the desk but she gets the message. Hopping up and heading to her own office as some more people start to arrive for the morning.

Leaving me alone to make a start on my paperwork that had built up throughout the week. Fridays were usually slow like this, giving me a little too much time to think. I couldn't shake the thought that my Mom and Penelope were actually right. Maybe I was a bit too invested in the job, and maybe that was a pretty big factor in why my last relationship imploded but I wasn't about to admit that to anyone.

----

After that the day crawls by, thankfully no cases pop up so the weekend might actually be free. Trying to make sure I clear up all of my paperwork takes a little longer than I'd hoped and leaves me alone in the bullpen. It seems like everyone's gone home by the time I've packed up and I'm ready to leave. Which wasn't as out of the ordinary as I'd like it to be really. Everyone else seemed to have somewhere to be on a Friday night.

Waiting for the elevator to arrive my phone started to ring, I could see my Mom's caller ID on the screen. If I just let it go I know she'll call back later, may as well get it out of the way. I take a deep breath in anticipation before I answer.

"Hey what's up?" I answer, stepping inside the elevator as the doors ping open.

"Hi sweetie, I've got good news! Do you remember David? That lovely boy, he helped out your Father that summer in high school?" I know what's coming and rub my temple, trying to stifle the headache I know is coming. As I answer a hand slides between the elevator doors, popping them open again.

Dr. Fucking Reid walks in, and he looks about as happy to see me as I am to see him. I make eye contact and look away just as fast, willing him away with my mind. "Yes Mom, I remember him, why are you telling me this?" I already know the answer but I'm fed up, she still sounds excited when she responds.

"Well you won't believe it! I ran into him at the market this morning and I thought you'd like it if I passed on your phone number to him, maybe for the weddi-" it took all I had not to shout into the receiver, and maybe I would've had the elevator been empty.

"Mom! Jesus!" I have to reign myself in, but I have a bad idea, "You know what, I'm actually sorted. I've got a date lined up now" I'm not sure why I said it with no real plan in place. She sounds even more excited than I've ever heard her.

"Oh my, that's amazing sweetie! That was fast, I can't believe you found one since this morning, it's someone from work so?" she assumes, and I'm just not thinking fast enough to correct her.

"Mmhmm, yeah" I'll figure out the logistics later I rationalize.

"Oh! Is it that boy you're always on about, the one who teases you?" she asks, and her voice is full of joy, and it makes me feel horrible that I'm lying already, and that I'm going to let her down.

"Yup, that's the one, look Mom I gotta go, I'll talk to you later! Night" I blurt out so fast it has to be obvious I'm nervous.

I can hear a stifled chuckle behind me. Fuck. How loud is my phone speaker. Could he hear that. Surely not. But this elevator was completely silent. The doors open and I have to stop myself from running to my car at top speed. Instead I walk out just a little faster than normal, turning around to shoot him a small wave goodbye. And he's got this devious smirk on his face that makes my stomach turn.

Sitting into my car I pull out my phone to text Garcia immediately.

I'm on my way to yours right now. It's urgent.

——

Traffic's light so it takes maybe 10 minutes before I arrive at Garcia's place. My mind's racing and my body takes me there on autopilot. Why did I say any of that, why did I even answer the damn phone. Why did I wave goodbye to Spencer, I never usually did that. Maybe that's why he had that look on his face. Maybe he was just thinking of something funny that happened earlier and it had nothing to do with me at all. That was something he'd do to mess with me for sure.

How was I going to walk this back with my Mom, she was just gonna have more questions that I couldn't answer. Fuck.

Garcia buzzed me up and her door was open for me by the time I got up the stairs. This little purple apartment had become my second home. It was where I spent most of my evenings off, laughing on the same sofa I was collapsing face first into right now. Garcia nestles in beside me and runs her hand over my hair, "Hey sweet pea, what's happening? I don't want to sound too concerned but you're not giving me much to go off? Are you dying, is there drama? You're going to have to tell me what's so urgent before I burst a blood vessel?"

I let out a muffled, "is drahmuh" into the pillow, Garcia shakes my shoulders.

"Sit up babe, damn!" I have to heave myself out of the pillows, sitting upright on the sofa beside her, clutching one of the pillows in my arms.

"It's drama" I repeat,

"Well, out with it then, you know I'll take all the drama I can get! Spill, spill" she rushes me along. I'm already apprehensive, Reid's her coworker too, but if anyone would understand why this was such an issue it was gonna be her.

"Okay, I'm after doing something stupid and I think I really need your advice" I cringe already, thinking back to the elevator, throwing out my words faster, I continue the story, mostly trying to get it over with, "my Mom called again when I was on the way out tonight and she was trying to set me up with this guy, and Reid was there, and I got all flustered, and I told her I had a date already" I throw my head down into the pillow again.

"Wait why was Reid there?" she looks like she's trying to fit puzzle pieces together and she's getting nowhere, "And what's the drama?"

"Shit Garcia, it was in the elevator and it was all quiet, and maybe he heard the call, maybe he didn't but he had this fuckin' look on his stupid face" I can't shake the smug little smirk, it's burned inside my eyelids. Garcia's face falls in what looks like disappointment.

"Ugh Y/N! That's nothing chill out, why does it matter if he heard your call? I know you guys are all weird but none of that is any of his business anyway!" she shoo's her hand in the air, dismissing the whole situation.

"No Garcia, it is his business now" I have to close my eyes when I say it, I can't look at her "I told my Mom that he was my date, well, I didn't say his name or anything, she assumed it was someone from work and so I just agreed, and then she suggested that it was him and then I fucking panicked Pen, I fucked up so bad. What do I do?"

I finally opened my eyes to look up at Garcia. She was sitting in pure silence, pursing her lips in what seemed like contemplation. The puzzle pieces finally slotting together. It's as though a light bulb goes off behind her eyes and she bursts out in fits of laughter. Doubling over on herself before finally taking a few breaths to calm herself down. I'm honestly not sure why she finds the whole thing so funny, she know's how needlessly annoying he's made my life, she's seen it first hand and heard me talk about it over and over again in this very apartment over pizza.

"Garcia, this is not fucking funny! This is serious!" I try to calm her down, I need advice not whatever this is.

"I'm so sorry Y/N, I love you dearly. But this isn't funny, this is hilarious. It's like you're Sandra Bullock in some mid-90's rom com. I love it" I don't love it, in fact I hate it. I nearly snap at her but pull myself back.

"Pen, come on, help me out. What do I do with this, how do I fix it?" I plead.

She stops laughing and pulls out her phone, "Okay, I'm sorry. I'm going to order us a pizza, and we're gonna sort this thing out together, sound good?" I just nod and collapse back into the sofa. I think I feel better now that I've gotten it out in the open.

----

Penelope makes us tea while we wait for the pizza, she keeps lemon & ginger in her cabinet for me, just like I keep mint for her. The warm mug and the steam calm me down. After a few minutes alone to think about it I start to figure it out a little better. I figure I can just lie to my Mom for a while, it might suck but I can pretend for a bit and then make up some excuse as to why he can't come closer to the time. Then I can just bring Garcia instead and everyone's happy. I'm about to float my plan to her there's a knock on her door. I was so caught up that I hadn't really noticed quite how starving I'd gotten. Leaping up of the sofa to grab the door.

I swing it open but it's not the pizza guy. Somehow it's the opposite of the pizza guy, my worst nightmare is on the other side of the door. He must notice my eyes blow completely wide. "Y/N!" he says, more of a statement than a question really, like he's telling himself that he's actually seeing me in the doorway. I'm not as gentle.

"What the fuck are you doing here Reid?!" I can't even disguise my anger. He seems a little flustered, like he's got absolutely no idea how to proceed.

"Um, uh, is Garcia here? I can, um, I can just come back later?" he swallows hard and shakes his head, before I can agree and tell him to get lost Penelope races to the door, pulling it wide open.

"Nope, that won't be necessary Doctor! Come on in, you're right on time sweetheart" she waves him in and he walks past me, his demeanor changing almost instantly. He's smug, like he's won whatever battle this was. And I hate it. Though he's still as confused as me despite the newfound attitude. Reid sits down on the sofa, right where I had been sitting. I bite my tongue and sit on the opposite end.

"Are you okay Garcia?" he asks with a genuine concern, "What's going on, what was the emergency?". He's not stupid, he knows she's not in danger now that he's here. But he wants answers. I don't know that I've ever seen him this confrontational with anyone, well anyone but me. The entire time I’m staring her down as she sits in the armchair opposite the two of us. My keys are in my pocket and my car's right outside. I could just jump up and make a break for it. Escape.

"You know what Doc, you won't believe it but I'm not actually the one with the emergency" she takes a beat, and I'm starting to think that I might understand why people murder other people after all these years, "Y/N has something urgent she needs to talk to you about" she's silent for another moment, and she almost looks giddy, "Actually Spencer, you might already know a little something about the matter already, now that I think about it" she smirks, and it's pure joy.

My keys are in my hand ready to bolt when the doorbell chimes again. "Oh, that'll actually be the pizza this time, if you two will excuse me" she hops up out of the armchair and races to the door, leaving the two of us alone in a horrible silence. The tension is almost too much, I want to speak but I really have no idea what to say, or how to even start saying it. But he starts.

"Y/N what's going on, I feel like I'm out of the loop here? What am I missing?" he asks, and there's something uncharacteristically genuine about the way he says it, but he can't turn to look at me as he speaks. I almost want to let my guard down and just have a conversation but I can’t force myself to do it. "Shut up Reid." is all I mutter, folding my arms across my chest.

He turns sharply on the sofa to face me. "Hey Y/N. Believe it or not I'm about as happy as you with whatever kind of Parent Trap situation Garcia's got going on here. But from what I'm picking up on you've got a problem and I'm supposed to be able to help with it. So do you want to tell me what's going on or not? I can just go?" I can see that there's an anger bubbling right below the surface, threatening to burst. I know I shouldn't but I let him stew in silence for a little too long and he jumps up off the sofa.

"Y'know what, typical" he mutters, rolling his eyes as he says it, "this is all about you." he throws his bag over his shoulders and begins to walk towards the door. Something in me just snaps.

"All about me?! Are you fucking kidding? I've been tip-toeing around you for years, ever since I joined this damn unit!" I shout as Garcia comes back into the room, pizza box and plates in her hands.

"So, who's hungry?" Garcia asks, trying to break the tension, or pretending there's no tension at all. Reid shakes his head in disbelief and rubs his temple before he speaks again, "Actually I was just gonna head out" he gestures to the door, "I'm clearly not wanted here so I'm gonna leave you guys to it." Spencer makes a move to leave but Garcia grabs the strap of his shoulder bag, yanking him back ever so slightly before he really has the chance to escape.

"You are going absolutely nowhere kid" She points back to the sofa, "get back there" she glances to me, staring with far too much intensity. "You too, sit." Her voice is more stern than I've ever heard it, even while we were on a case. I can't help but obey her command and I sit back down on the sofa in silence. Followed by Reid, clearly processing the same uneasy feeling of a serious Penelope.

She sits opposite the two of us again. "Y/N, Spencer, I love the two of you with all of my heart, albeit separately, and I would die for either one of you. But you've got to chill the hell out!" she says it like she's had it bottled up forever. The tension that releases from her as she says it looks euphoric.

She opens up the pizza box and lays it on the coffee table and takes out a slice for herself. Taking a bite she leaves the two of us in stunned silence. Once she finishes the mouthful she turns to me specifically, "Y/N you tell him, or I will." dead serious. And the feeling in my belly is like I've just fallen down an elevator shaft.

My stomach is in knots as I turn to Spencer on the sofa next to me. His face is puzzled and I think I might be able to make out pure terror in his expression. I don't know that I've ever been looked at like this before and my stomach screws up tighter. I have to take a deep breath and I can't believe I'm about to say it. "Fuck it" I have to take another breath almost immediately so I just have to force the rest out, "I don't know if you heard the call I was on while we were in the elevator earlier?" I look up to gauge his reaction and I can see his face relax, and worse than that, one corner of his mouth lifts into a sort of smile. It's a look of pure smug satisfaction and I think I might scream. I have to close my eyes because I really don't think I can look at that face as I say the next part.

"My sister is getting married in a few months and my Mom's been on my ass to find a date for the wedding and she keeps trying to set me up with these losers, so I fucking panicked, and I told her you were my date." by the time the sentence is out my eyes have screwed up so tight it feels like I have to pry them open.

He sits in silence for too long. Thinking, maybe?

"So I'm the boy who teases you then?" he grins. So he did hear. And he did laugh. He looks far too self satisfied. Now he knows he's right. He knows I've talked to my Mom about him, that he's gotten in my head. I can tell from his smile that he's savoring the moment. Mostly because I can't slap the smug smile off his face I drop my head into my hands. In an effort to disappear I guess.

"So," he says, taking a moment, "is that all you wanted to say then?" he asks, lighthearted and obnoxious, back to his usual self. I snap back to reality, shooting my head back up.

"What do you mean is that all?" I throw back genuinely shocked,

"Is that all you had to say Y/N? Can I go now? It's a long bus ride home y'know" he smirks but makes no effort to move. He can't possibly be making me do this.

"Well no, obviously!" I stutter, "I mean, are you, will you, uh?" I can't bring myself to say it out loud. He leans in on the sofa looking directly at me, refusing to break eye contact.

"Did you have something you wanted to ask me Y/N?" I just want to smack that fucking look off his face,

"Fuck you Spencer Reid" I almost whisper under my breath, but Garcia snaps me back to reality.

"Hey!" she looks at me, stern again, "Ask him." it's not a question, or a suggestion, it's a command.

"Fine okay" I scrunch my eyes up again, "Will you come to my sisters wedding with me as my fake boyfriend?" I curl up into myself as I say it, I can almost feel the bile rising up from my stomach. Like I'm having a biological reaction to the whole thing.

Reid crosses his arms and sinks back on the sofa, like he's performing the act of thinking. He's considering my offer to make me squirm.

When he finally speaks he says "Well I would Y/N, but I really fail to see what's in it for me" he's after getting cocky now.

Garcia pipes up, excited, "Oh, Oh! I know! I have an idea!" she interjects, "Spencer remember how a while ago, back after your apartment flooded you were all all worried about your antique books and prints and stuff?" he nods, "Well Y/N could digitize the collection for you as a back up? I know you're a technophobe? C'mon Y/N, you know you could do that no sweat, and it would take you a lifetime alone Spencer?" I really don't want to admit it but she's right. Even I knew Reid was adverse to any technology that wasn't vital, but it was your specialty. And maybe that was a good trade off, a job like that would be near impossible for him to pull off without help. I take a glance over at Reid and he seems to have had the same train of thought as me. He lets out an exaggerated sigh and relaxes his posture.

"Fine, I guess that's a fair trade. I'm in." he resigns and I almost can't believe it. I'm barely processing the whole conversation as he sticks his hand out to me, I'm confused for a second before I grab it and shake it firmly. Condemning myself to whatever's about to happen. And it's not the time to be thinking about it but maybe this is the first time Spencer and I have ever touched? But I shove that thought away.

Garcia's positively beaming and she's not even trying to hide it. "Now it's like you're both in a Sandra Bullock movie, oh, but you're Hugh Grant maybe?" she points to Reid.

"Don't push it" I shoot in her direction, taking a slice of pizza, now that my anxiety stomach has sort of passed.

Once the pizza's been eaten in near completely awkward silence Spencer stands up off the sofa. His unsure demeanor has returned and he looks nervous. "I actually should get going this time" he says but Garcia pipes up to protest,

"No, it's not even late!"

"It takes me a while to get back home, thank you though Pen. For... this?" he gestures to the whole living room, "Night" he waves. He's almost made it to the door before I stand up out of my seat. I'm not really sure what comes over me, maybe it's gratitude, maybe it's guilt, or maybe I'm just exhausted.

"Wait Spencer. Let me give you a ride home?" I ask and it's like it's not even me saying it .

"Thanks, but I think I can make it home just fine" he dismisses, and there’s an antagonizing tone in his voice that snaps me right back to our usual rapport.

"I'm trying to do a nice thing here, fuck! Just let me do something nice!" I snap, and he throws his arms up in surrender.

"Fine alright, if it'll make you feel better"

"Fuck you Reid" I mutter under my breath and I sort of hope that he does hear me really. If he's gonna be hostile about this I can be too. I give Garcia a hug goodbye but I'm going to scold her for this whole thing later.

----

I lead the way outside and climb into my car, Spencer hops into the passenger seat and it feels as strange as always to be alone with him. Especially because it's not an accident, and it's not in work. Maybe this was a horrible idea. He seems like he's unwilling to break the silence, so I just get it over with.

"Where the hell do you live man? I'm gonna need directions." I say, as deadpan as I can muster, which probably isn't all that intimidating.

"Sorry, yeah, so you're gonna want to turn on the ignition" he teases. I definitely wasn't intimidating enough.

"Don't push it" I say, turning to give him a cruel stare, he just reacts with a smirk, that same one from the elevator earlier.

"Oh, I'm pushing it?" he asks, feigning disbelief

"I'll kick you out of this damn car" is all I can think to say. He barely responds, he just lets out a soft chuckle. I want to ask 'what's so funny' but he speaks before I can get the words out.

"I can't believe you talk to your Mom about me" he continues to laugh. That's enough.

"You know what Reid, of course I have! I work with actual murderers on a daily basis and somehow you've been the only real source of friction in my life since I joined the BAU!" He stops giggling a little, but not entirely, he looks like he's making an effort to contain himself.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just never knew I got to you like that" he still finds the whole thing amusing, but I sure as hell don't.

"Directions, now" I demand, looking straight out the front windshield.

"Fine, keep going straight on this road for a while and I'll tell you when to turn" he says, finally playing nice.

The two of us drive silently for most of the journey, the radio playing softly in the background. Eventually we arrive outside his building, and it's nicer than I thought it would be. But I have no idea what I was really basing that on. For some reason it hadn't occurred to me that Dr. Reid lived in an actual home, I had pictured him sleeping upside down in a cave maybe, or in a cryogenic chamber with all the other life-like genius robots.

"So," he says, breaking the silence, "When is this wedding?"

"4 months from now, in and around" I respond, matter of factly. Spencer nods, taking it in.

"Alright, so I've got 4 months, in and around, to learn enough to convincingly pass as your loving boyfriend. Doesn't sound so difficult." he jokes, his tone harsh and sarcastic.

"Look Spencer, I know this is insane and honestly kind of stupid. But in all seriousness, you can back out right now if you're not on board with whatever this is. I'm telling you this is the last exit ramp." I try to say it with sincerity, giving him a genuine out if he's not comfortable with the weird set-up that Penelope pulled on us both. He thinks on it for a moment and shakes his head.

"So how are we gonna do this?" he asks, and I really thought he was going to back out. So I don't have an actual answer.

"Well, I uh, I haven't really given a plan much thought. How about I come over and start working on some of the stuff you want digitized like Garcia mentioned and I can use the time to give you the footnotes on my life?" I suggest, at least that would make it easier to knock things out all at once. Rather than having to spend even more of my free time with Reid than necessary. He looks content with the improvised plan.

"Alright, sounds good." he undoes his seatbelt and opens the door to hop out of the car before turning back to me, "Are you coming inside or what?"

— —

Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

[randomlywanderingmoth]

"Didn't I die?" What a way to start a conversation, fresh from the lips of the former director of Chaldea.

"I have no point of reference for how weird that might be anymore," I could only reply, striding through another ServaFes, one hand grasping an ice cream cone, the other gently holding Olgamarie's arm.

We'd winced when it was Mephistopheles manning the ice cream machines, but nothing had happened. I'd reflexively stepped in the way when I'd heard a wolf's howl, but Hessian's Lobo merely trod up and nuzzled Olga's entire face. Caenis looked fit to come to blows with Jason over some power tester machine, but I hadn't need to shield my date from any flaming debris. It wasn't Mash, either- legitimately every Servant we'd seen was on their best behavior.

The entire day I'd been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Olga's comment was the worst that had happened. "In fairness, I think the only people that are legitimately alive here are Mash, Kadoc, and rest of the human staff," I'd commented, trying to lighten her mood.

"And you," she'd followed without a thought.

A few seconds passed. My lack of reply made her snap her head about. "And you?" She repeated, now with two notches of concern.

I shrugged apologetically. "ORT." One word, and Olga's whole body flinched like I'd slapped her. Not quite the intended reaction. "I mean- I got better, I think, but I don't know- I did die, I just got back up- I don't know if I qualify anymore-"

A ball of takoyaki jammed into my mouth. "I'm hungry, so chances are I'm alive. Are you hungry?"

I held up my ice cream as form of pause, chewing, puffing air, and chewing a bit more. The takoyaki went down a bit warmer than I'd hoped, but I'd managed to suppress a cough. "I mean- I've been eating-"

"If you're able to be hungry, you're alive enough." Enough. Alive enough. We were both game to compromise.

Bell chimes rang in the wind. Conversations in the distance gently filled the air. And Olgamarie Animusphere looked like a bouquet of flowers.

"... your kimono looks great," I smiled.

"It's a yukata."

"Ah, my bad. Your yukata looks great." My smile tilted, but remained steadfast.

She looked away, but I could see the red against her ears. "Thanks."

There were so many things I'd wanted to discuss with her. The Lostbelts. Ordeal Call. That whole Foreign God mess. My mind should've been a jumble.

She looked back at me with a warm, soft smile, and my mind was absolutely not a jumble. "Hey, wanna find a spot to watch the fireworks?"

I blinked. "The fireworks show won't be for a good while..."

"Yes, well, now is the perfect time to find a spot. If we wait, it'll get crowded." Her logic was sound.

===== =====

We'd spent an hour, detouring to every little stall. I'd bought her a charm. She'd bought me a mask. We'd both bought paper fans.

In spite of that, we still found a nice spot on a hill overlooking the festival. It wasn't empty, strictly speaking, a few couples were on the hill alongside us, but it was uncrowded enough.

The first pop made us both flinch.

The second made her stare up at the glittering lights painted across the sky.

I listened to the sound of the fireworks, bursting gently in the sky, but my attention was directed at a much closer star.

I wanted to run my hand through her hair. Press my lips into her cheek. Tell her three little words.

I settled for holding her hand.

For however short a time, for just a short day, we weren't a director and a master, two unfortunate souls burdened with the world.

For this ephemeral moment, we were two normal people, with normal joys, and normal worries.

For this brief time, we were both human. We were both alive.

===== =====

"YOUR SERVANTS ARE UTTERLY INCORRIGIBLE!"

The other shoe had dropped the next morning. Or rather, the morning of a week ago.

BB had done it again, trapping us in another time loop with some nebulous goal or other, and now Olgamarie was steaming red in the face with something other than embarrassment at adjacency to me.

"FUJIMARU RITSUKA, AS YOUR DIRECTOR EMERITUS I STRONGLY ADVISE YOU TO DISCIPLINE THAT WOMAN!" If she'd had a Command Seal and I'd been her Servant, I was fairly sure in that moment she would've made it a Command.

I smiled back at her. "I mean, look at the upside."

"WHAT UPSIDE?!?" Olga certainly had a set of lungs on her. The back of my mind tracked to the notion of testing how strong her lungs were, but I left the thought alone.

"Now we can keep going on dates together."

"THAT- that isn't- you-" her face was still red, but given how she sputtered I could guess her emotions had turned.

I smiled patiently at her, waiting for her to complete her sentence.

"... you'll solve this mess eventually." Less a question, more a gently worded order.

"Kadoc can handle it. I'm on vacation. We're on vacation."

She passed me a squint, but only for a moment. Olga nuzzled her pale hair into my cheek as we waited for the bus to arrive.

And for one week of ServaFes, nothing went wrong. For one week of ServaFes, Olgamarie Animusphere and Fujimaru Ritsuka were normal people. For one week, we were happy. For one week, repeatedly.

Eventually BB would grow tired of it. Eventually Kadoc would track her down and get her to stop. Eventually the Singularity would fade. Eventually we would have to go back to our lives, or our deaths.

Today was not eventually.

Olga and Ritsuka having a wholesome date where nothing bad happens

I love receiving these sort of prompts. Like damn canon really stabbed you in the stomach huh.

[valberryy]

oh, eurydice (it's an awful sound). — venti

de l'autre côté de l'eau, comme un écho. / tu dis que c'est la fin du monde, c'est ton silence mon eau profonde.

um,, idk what to say cause i dont want this to b my venti summoning post but. anyways. also tagging @starfell-traveler look i finished it!!!! b proud of me /hj

pairing: venti x gn!reader

content warnings: mentions/descriptions of alcohol & blood/injuries, major character death, it's just heavy angst i'm sorry

one.

Venti still remembers the first time he heard you laugh, warm and clear and bright, like the chiming of cathedral-bells.

In those golden days when he was getting used to his new face, he often found himself wandering—much to the chagrin of his friends. If he wasn't in one of the many taverns of the newly-built Mondstadt, he was wandering these new, free lands.

And that was how he met you, the spritely scion of house Gunnhildr, who had strayed away from your envoy with a bottle of wine and leaves in your hair. He noted the mischief dancing in your eyes, the sunlight dappling on your skin, the way your mouth formed a small "o" when you saw you were not alone.

Your eyes had lit up when you caught sight of him. "Oh, my lord!" you called, "Fancy a cup and a chat, perhaps?"

Venti stood still for a moment to ponder your request, but at the sound of you popping the cork off the bottle and pouring it into a cup you had brought, he found his resolve weakening. He took a seat next to you as you pulled a stray leaf from your hair, taking a sip from your cup before passing it to him.

How brazen of you, he mused.

While cherry wine, in his opinion, could never hold a candle to the dandelion wine he had grown fond of, it tasted all the sweeter coming from you.

You had laughed at this sentiment of his, clear as the water from the lake nearby. "Is that so?" you asked. "Perhaps I'll bring some more of this kind especially for you, dearest bard."

Venti responded with a playful pluck at his lyre-strings. "I'd prefer if you called me by my name, young master Gunnhildr."

"And what would that be?"

Just as he was about to respond, the two of you caught wind of voices yelling out your name, and you flinched. "That must be for me," you said. "I shouldn't have expected to be able to hide forever."

He helped you stand, stretching out his arm to pull you up—your hand was soft and warm against his own, and the "thank you," that rolled from your lips made his heart flutter in a way he wasn't used to.

"I'd love to see you again," you said, and he smiled.

"You talk as if this is goodbye forever!" Venti joked. "We can meet here again, if you so wish."

"Then it is done," you said, and squeezed his hand as if in confirmation of your new arrangement.

And with the lightest press of your wine-stained lips to his cheek, you had run off without another word—only the sound of your distant laughter and, "Sorry, sorry! I'm back now, mother!" left in your wake.

two.

That promise had soon become habit, and habit a new way of life—one wherein you would sneak away from the rest of your family to rendezvous with Venti in the forest, to share wine and song and sweet, honeyed words alike.

(And as time wore on, you pressed your wine-stained lips to more places than just his cheek, and the cheeky bastard would have you do it again, and again, and again.)

"What d'you reckon your family would say if they figured out you were sneaking away for this?" Venti mused, "Like a hero in a romance novel."

With a laugh, you lay your head over his lap and smiled when his hand came to rest in your hair, his fingers gently playing with the strands. "Scold me, I suppose," you said. "There are worse fates than not being allowed outside for a month, my love." 

You plucked a stray dandelion out of his hair, blowing the seeds to the wind. 

"Hmm? And what would those be, I wonder?"

"...You're so infuriating, Venti," you grumbled, and he simply laughed and took another sip of wine—elderflower this time, tasting like spring upon his tongue. "I can't even dare imply that I want to be with you forever without you teasing me for it—what kind of lover are you? Hmph."

He paused, a teasing grin growing on his lips despite your previous words. "Are you asking me to marry you?"

An odd noise left your throat. "I mean," you said, "unless you want me to take your surname instead? ...Now that I think about it, Venti Gunnhildr doesn't quite sound the best."

A laugh, first from him, soon followed by one of your own. "Your family won't allow it, would they? But if the fates allow…there's nothing I'd love more than to be with you," he said. Gently he untangled his fingers from your hair, weaving his fingers between your own instead. "That is, if you want it too?"

A world of just you and him, a life where he would never have to stray far from your side—perhaps this was what Amos so desperately craved for, in those days. Venti watched as you removed the signet ring from your pointer finger and fit it snugly on his own, admiring your handiwork and smiling up at him.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

three.

Somehow it felt odd to see you in clothes other than the casual attire he had always seen you in. When you were seated upon your horse like this, dressed in richly-dyed leathers and embroidered silks with your family crest hanging proudly from your breast pocket, you seemed much less like the cheeky [Name] that would pluck his lyre from his hands to play your own tune, and more like the young scion of house Gunnhildr that the rest of the world saw you as.

"I'm sorry, dearest," you said, your voice thick with regret. "They only told me about this last night, so I've had no time to tell you… And father wouldn't let me refuse, so—"

Venti laughed, "When did you become such a worrywart? It's only one round of hunting, right? I'll be waiting for you back here."

You huffed, leaning down to press a kiss to the corner of his lips. "Then I'll be sure to hurry on back to you."

He pulled you back down for another kiss, square on the lips this time, before letting you go. "Don't miss!" he said, calling after your horse, to which you turned and yelled back at him,

"If I do, it's your fault!"

He laughed, settling down beneath a tree and closing his eyes. You'd be there to wake him when you returned.

When Venti awoke, it was not to your hand shaking his shoulder but to a thud and the worried whinnying of a horse. His eyes snapped open as you groaned, one hand clutching your stomach and the other propping you up. When you caught his gaze you smiled weakly, too much blood in your teeth and not enough light in your eyes.

"I'm back, dearest," you said, and he had stumbled over to catch you before your arm gave out.

He pressed down on your torso, where three large gashes ran down from your chest down to your stomach, large and jagged as if from the claws of a bear. You groaned in pain and he pressed a kiss to your hand in apology, your skin pale and clammy in a way that reminded him too much of harsh, cold winds and a boy with his lyre. 

"You should've seen me, Venti," you breathed, "I shot it right in the throat…are you proud of me?"

"Very," he said. "I'll always be proud of you."

You laughed, broken and pained and sad. "Good," you said, "good." Then you looked up at him, the tears welling in his eyes, the reality of his fate—your fate—finally looming upon him. "Don't look at me like that, love," you cooed. "Please, smile for me, okay? Sing for me…can you spare me at least that much?"

His grip on your hand tightened. "All of that and so much more, dandelion," he said. "Please…"

"So much more, huh…" you mused. "Then, how about one last kiss before I go?"

"...You talk as if this is goodbye," he says, but doesn't protest when you pull him down by the collar, your red-stained lips pressing weakly against his—

—But instead of the sweetness of wine, there was only the sharp bitterness of your blood in his mouth.

four.

"How far would you go for me?" was something Venti had thrown around a lot, never expecting you to give him a straight answer—not with how you shoved his shoulder and said, "Just because there wasn't a ceremony doesn't mean I'm not your spouse, Venti. Wouldn't the answer be obvious?"

But he still recalled the first time he had asked you and the first time you answered, your fingers tangled with his and your head buried in the crook of his neck. Your voice had been softer, gentler, lacking the playful edge but just as genuine as always, "From the deepest depths of the ocean to the highest to the highest peaks in the sky," you said, "Until my hands wither away into dust."

"Maybe you're the bard instead of me, love," he had said, then.

In this new world without you he found himself clinging to whatever remnants of you he could—the dappled sunlight in the forest, the slightest sting of alcohol going down, the glint of your family crest on the ring that adorned his finger.

One of his many laments was how he could never mourn you in the way he felt you deserved—he had not the power to turn back time, lacked the dominion over anything static and permanent to immortalise you with. He only had his lyre and his voice and his winds, and all he could do was paint the skies grey in his grief, have the gales sing requiems that you would never hear.

From the deepest depths of the ocean to the highest peaks in the sky he would go for you and back—and if the darkest depths of this world contained the secret to getting you back, perhaps even a mere spirit on the wind could bear the trek through the dark. 

(After all, Venti knew in his heart of hearts that you would have done the same for him.)

The heart of the Abyss wasn't a land of mindless bloodshed and fire—it was cold and calculating, like a predator lying in wait. It was this place, in the depths of Teyvat and in the winding depths of their palace, that he knew could somehow bring you back to him. 

"Are you the one for whom the skies wept, bard?"

Venti swallowed down the lump in his throat. "I am," he said. "I want a deal."

The person before him raised an eyebrow, canting their head to the side. 

"One life," they said, "and no second chances."

Cold, and calculating, and inevitable—but still he would try. Venti owed you at least that much, no?

five.

He squeezed your hand as you trailed behind him, muttering to himself: don't look back, don't look back, don't look back. No matter how much he longed to hold you, to see your face and feel your skin beneath his, he kept his gaze to his feet as you both moved onwards into the dark.

(When he saw you again, just as beautiful as the day he lost you, he dropped his lyre to run into your arms, burying his face in the crook of your neck and surrounding himself with only you, you, you. 

"Venti," you said, and he nearly wept at the way his name rolled from your tongue. "Let's go home.")

You squeezed his hand back, so gently that he almost couldn't believe you were really there. "Why don't you sing me a song, dearest?" you quipped. "Anything you like."

In spite of himself, in spite of the cold around him and behind him and in his own hand, he smiled. "Have I ever sung you the one with the mist flower and the sparrow?"

He heard you huff behind him. "That one again? You know how bad I am at hitting the notes in that!"

"Hmm, sure, sounds like an excuse to me…"

"Venti!"

He laughed and squeezed your hand again, as if to remind himself—you were here, and he was taking you home, and you would be able to feel the sun on your skin and taste wine from his cup in the way you had always loved. He would be able to write you songs and guide your hands across his lyre, and he need never stray far from your side.

You need never go somewhere where he couldn't follow.

"We're almost there," he said, resisting the urge to turn around to smile at you. "There's a bottle of wine waiting for us. It wouldn't do us any good to leave it for too long, you know?"

He squeezed your hand again, but you didn't respond.

He swallowed down the lump in his throat. His footsteps hastened, quicker and quicker until he was near-running towards where he knew the surface lay. Had he been tricked? Were you never there all along? Had you gotten lost, or fallen, or left, and left some other person in your stead?

Anxiety clutched at his heart like brambles, and Venti found his mind wandering back to those days with the wintery winds and the friends he had lost to the storms. Not again, he prayed, please, never again.

He ran until his legs ached, ran until the first drop of sunlight finally kissed his skin, and he let go of your hand to turn around—

—to see your face still shrouded in darkness, your eyes wide, your hand still reaching out for him.

"What?" he breathed, "No, please, I can't lose you again—"

You smiled, and though your teeth weren't coated in blood and your body was free from any wounds, Venti's heart had sunk even further than when he had caught you that day. 

"No, love, please, I'm sorry—"

"Venti," you said, "I'll see you again soon, okay?"

"Please—"

"I love you." 

With whatever time you had left, you reached out further to brush the tips of your fingers against his cheek. "Smile for me, okay? Sing me one last song…" 

And before he could reach out to you again, you had once again gone somewhere he couldn't reach. 

(Yours was a song he sang without end, even when all of Mondstadt had forgotten your name—and even when he felt like he didn't deserve to bear your memory. 

On days when he uncorked a bottle of cherry wine or caught the Acting Grandmaster's eye, Venti found himself staring down at the ring you had placed on his finger in those golden days—and if he closed his eyes and pressed his lips to it the way you had done to him, he swears he can still hear your laugh, warm and clear and bright.)