#I'd been in bed in like 5 days LMAO

[44lh]

finally finished all my finals please clap

[peggyao3]

Relic - Pt. 10 "Fettered Flesh"

PAIRING: Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen x Unnamed Ambiguous FMC

SUMMARY: ✧ Dreams are messages from the deep ✧

A woman from the unknown comes to Feyd in his dreams and his nights become his days as he flees to the dreamscape to escape the nightmares that haunt his waking hours.

TAGS: 18+, smut, she/her AFAB FMC, vaginal sex, vaginal fingering, oral sex, Porn with Plot, Feyd-Rautha's black cum and big cock, Praise Kink, Body Worship, angst/hurt and comfort, drama, fluff, Frank Herbert would frown, some politics, implied/referenced (child) abuse❗, Trauma, mentions of suicidal thoughts❗, Healing, Strangers to Lovers, falling in love, Vulnerable/Emotional/Possessive Feyd, Feyd is a sweet baby who did nothing wrong and I WILL pamper him, nurture not nature, Stockholm Syndrome but in a consensual way, lucid dreaming, implied/referenced cannibalism❗, Murder, Female rage, Teaching the Universe about Feminism, Angst with a Happy Ending

WORD COUNT: 5k

A/N: HELLO PRECIOUS PEOPLE 💕 Shit hits the Giedi Prime fan, so get out your umbrellas!! I feel like with every chapter I'm getting more excited 🥹 And everyone who has left a comment is to blame 😭 I appreciate it so greatly 😭 I've recently started an internship thingy (in a manner of baby's first real job experience lmao), so I have a bit less time to write, but chapter 11 and 12 are finished already, so I do have a bit of food in stock 💪

Reposted from my Ao3 💕| Masterlist | Relic Masterlist

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

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Day 5

Jealousy is a beast, but loneliness is a monster.

Jealousy ignites with fiery tendrils but loneliness drowns you slowly until you're staring up from the bottom of the pitch black sea, yearning for the light.

All day she's been mulling over the three woman-creatures, Feyd's "pets". What is it that infuriates her the most? The physical violence? The fear of what they might have done to her - Death, torture or worse? Their derogatory status? Their beastliness grafted into female bodies, paired with the fact that Feyd has been bedding them at some point?

Without thinking about it, and perhaps it is tactless, she has been pouring her heart out to Lilia while the attentive handmaid is treating her scabbed injuries from last night. Now it is evident that wound management is a well-needed skill around the Harkonnen palace. The sarcophagus is safely folded up and her new weapon is tucked into one of the compartments.

"Am I overreacting?!" She asks, even though - hell no - she knows she isn't, but a part of her soul yearns for human connection, affirmation, camaraderie, friendship. It feels so good to be talking to someone who is not the man she thought she knew or the belittling Bene Gesserit sisters.

"Hmm," Lilia begins tentatively and the glowglobe light brings out the unusual color of her eyes as she tilts her head, so amber that they almost appear golden. "While I'll say it's never been common for the na-Baron to practice monogamy… I'll also say that I'd be quite furious at my husband if he had three women on the side." Her voice quivers upon women, as if it repels her to describe the three beings as such. The spider in the Baron's throne room may be the most harmless monster to roam these halls.

The engineer's questions chip away and it becomes perfectly clear that it's the jealousy that cuts the deepest, even with her superficial wounds cared for, a blade is wedged inside her guts that will keep on cutting.

"And do these 'pets' have handmaids too?" A self-destructive question to determine where her own status truly lies. What's a bride but another pet to him?

"They used to have handmaids…" Lilia hesitates. "But they always ended up eating them. I'm glad to be assigned to you, my Lady."

Great. There she has another horror to add to the menagerie.

Lilia continues: "If it calms you, I doubt there will be any further incidences with them. The na-Baron has been in an, uhm, unstable mood since last night." The maid's posture turns rigid. She shouldn't be speaking about the na-Baron like that, but the Earth woman's emotions are contagious. Lilia will get herself killed if she's not careful. She's been telling that to herself since she was a little girl.

"Unstable, uh-huh, well so am I."

The Harkonnen woman nods and decides it is best not to elaborate on what it means when Feyd-Rautha is having the worst day of his life.

Vladimir Harkonnen chuckles with delight at his nephew's distress and the infantile killing spree that has been painting the halls black since last night.

It took even less time than he expected, for the new woman to be disgusted by his poor nephew and he cannot hold it against her. Feyd-Rautha is a raging child in an unfortunately manly body. 

The Baron is well-entertained by the hollow screams that blare down the hallways. First the three harpies. A shame, they had helped keep Feyd settled so nicely and they hadn't been cheap either. It's also a shame that the Bene Tleilax don't offer bulk discount, considering the number of Gholas the Baron saw himself forced to commission for the little game his nephew and he have been playing.

Next on Feyd's blade was the guard at his little witch's door, then anyone who crossed his path in the night, all the while Feyd was chafing with desire to be cut and hurt. But no one outside of the ring is allowed to raise their blades against the Baron's heir apparent, unless instructed by the Harkonnen sovereign himself.

Some fire has returned to his nephew since the woman's arrival and he appreciates that, yes, he does, but he will keep a sharp eye on the two of them. He has no doubt that she's a Bene Gesserit agent who has implanted phantasms in Feyd-Rautha's mind, but Vladimir is willing to play the sisterhood's game, for his nephew's sake, even though he had sworn to never let a witch enter his fortress again. 

Not since Lady Margot Fenring had tried to steal his lovely boy's precious seed. Luckily, Feyd's blade had worked quicker than the thief's vocal chords.

But Valdimir is willing to adapt. The boy had been boring him to death for the past two years and he used to be so entertaining and feisty!

In the evening hours after a night and day of bloodshed, Feyd still has stamina (a trait the Baron cherishes so dearly about his nephew) and comes barging into the guarded dining room, bringing with him the cloying scent of blood that sticks to the tacky soles of his boots. He wears the clothes of yesterday and blood lust in his eyes.

Careful now.

Vladimir gives no sign to the guards, chews without haste and takes a noisy gulp of wine, making sure a bead rolls down the folds of his massive neck. The muscle at his nephew's jaw twitches and his fingers strangulate the blood-slick handle of his blade.

The eight arm-legged arachnid creature shivers in its basket under the table, eager to get to Feyd, partly because his boots smell yummy, but it doesn't dare move away from the Baron's feed. Smart thing.

"Don't look at me like that. It's not my fault that she doesn't like you, boy."

Feyd halts as if struck by one of the bolts of infrared lightning that cook the atmosphere during the summer months. Tension strains his neck, a bull ready to charge at his Matador and for a second the Baron thinks he'll have to switch on his shield ring. But his nephew turns and barges off with bouncing, stomping steps, draining his stamina and wetting his knives on everything that breathes, when the only one he really wants to kill sits fat and mighty on his throne. 

It's almost cute, Vladimir thinks. The boy could kill him so easily now, if he really put his cunning, little mind to it. He's strong enough, smart enough, but his spirit - that's the crux. Feyd's spirit is broken and riddled with fear of the punishments. The last time he tried was at 17 and then never again.

Ah-h-h, yes, the Baron has conditioned him well and he considers it his retirement plan. Age hasn't left the Harkonnen sovereign unscathed and while his mind may still be sharp (or else how would he have come up with such a genius plan!), his morbidly obese body fully relies on the protection of his shield ring, guards, lung machine and poison snoopers. But as long as the boy still fears him, the deadliest threat within these halls remains on a pretty, silver leash.

The fire of jealousy has dwindled down and now all she does is miss him, sitting lonely in her room, lonely on this planet, lonely in the universe with only inanimate objects and the virtual messages and images of dead people to keep her company. None of this can ever compare to the warm hands of her beloved and his smile, the roundness of his cheeks and his painted teeth. She misses the way his eyes used to crinkle just for her. He had made her believe that only she could make him smile and offer a sliver of peace to his soul.

It's been two years since their last dream. Why wouldn't he have taken other women?

He said he "hasn't touched them". Since when? Since he learned she's alive? Since their first dreams? Ever?

She regrets now that she denied him when he knocked on her door an hour ago. The bitter guilt of disgracing oneself crawls over her when she slowly moves towards the door, but her self-respect has cauterized and become cinders along with her fury. Feeling sick to her stomach, she places her hand on the panel and the heavy door slides open.

Finding herself face to back with a guard in bulky plate armor, she halts. She wouldn't know where exactly to find Feyd's room anyway. The man turns on his heels and salutes briskly before returning his hand to the hilt of his saber.

"Good evening. Ah, wait, are you… New?" She blurts out, not meaning to seem disrespectful. The Harkonnens often do look quite alike to her, but she could have sworn the old guard was a little shorter.

"Yes, my Lady." The man looks right above the crown of her head, avoiding her eyes.

"What happened to the other guard?"

"He was replaced, my Lady."

That does make sense and she's almost a little relieved. She wouldn't want anyone who'd let these bloodthirsty creatures inside to guard her and her most valuable possession. However, she still hopes this incident won't ruin his chances of employment indefinitely.

"I see." She glances cautiously down the austere corridor. Past the windows, there is only blackness and the occasional faraway rumble from the factories. "Do you have to stand here all night? Your feet must be hurting. What about a chair?"

"I'm not allowed such luxuries."

"Says who? You can't excel at your job while being overworked and your feet are aching in those boots." 

The man wonders if the na-Baron's Lady wishes to insult or test him. "I am at full capacity, my Lady!" He salutes again. "I have no complaints about my boots."

"Fine, alright. Could you please point me the way to Feyd's room then? I want to see him. No need to accompany me, I'm sure I'll find it, just make sure no one enters my room, please?"

"Sorry!" The man extends his arm to the side, stopping her advance around him without laying a finger on the Lady. "The na-Baron has ordered this door to be sealed unless he or your handmaid demand entrance."

"Well I don't demand entrance, I want to exit. I want to see Feyd."

The guard grows queasy. That scenario was not included in his instructions. To be fair, the briefing for his new position can be considered rudimental at best but he didn't complain. Up here has been the safest spot in the palace tonight. "The na-Baron doesn't welcome visitors in his private quarters."

"But I'm his…" She swallows uncomfortably. "Betrothed, or am I not?"

"You are, my Lady."

"So, couldn't you perhaps call him?"

The poor guard's expression says 'I'd rather not'. The na-Baron has only just settled, finally, and even the dumbest desert rat knows not to wake a sleeping tiger. All evening long he's been wondering how many of his comrades will be dead come the morning and he doesn't want to be the next one to become fodder for the slaves' food rations. "I'm sorry, my Lady. It is against the protocol to disturb the na-Baron at night unless there is an emergency. Is there an emergency?"

"No…" The woman's expression twists into defeat and she pads backwards with slackened shoulders and somber eyes. "I'm sorry to have bothered you."

The door slides shut and she is too sad to even be angry about her gentle imprisonment. There's nothing out there for her anyway, except for Feyd, and if he doesn't want to see her…

Self-destructive thoughts sprout from the cinders in her chest and grow into the wildest phantasms. The guard was too kind to tell her Feyd has visitors in his room. Perhaps he explicitly decreed that she is not to join him.

To prevent herself from hurtling into a bottomless spiral, she must find a distraction. Nearly choking on bitter tears, she opens up the virtual app drawer that she's most familiar with and selects the 3d-modeling tool. A nice, little task to keep her thoughts from straying is exactly what she needs, and so she settles down on the bed and begins to design a practical, foldable, printable chair for her guard, thoughtfully optimizing stability and the required resources.

The engineer doesn't notice when her tears dry, but they do.

Day 6

She sleeps awfully that night, despite the chip's helpful sleeping program consisting of gentle rain and soothing frequencies. It can't have been much longer than two hours when she is awoken by a knock on the door, followed by another, more insistent one a moment later.

The 3d-modeling interface still overlays reality when her eyes snap open and her sluggish brain activity requires a moment to shut it down. She was almost finished with the printable chair parts last night, but she must have dozed off eventually. 

The knocking persists and she calls: "Lilia?"

A pause. "It's me." An unmistakable, deep and raspy voice comes muffled from the other side. Feyd-Rautha, freshly showered and dressed in a clean, casual suit, leans his forehead against the cool, thick plastic, breathing hard and fast so that his respiration condenses on the door. Waiting, he pleads silently for mercy. He cannot do this anymore, doesn't want to kill anymore just to feel something other than fear.

She freezes, legs half swung off the mattress as anxiety twists her belly. All of her jealousy comes crashing back and a little demon whispers poison in her ear: Go back to your hyenas and toy around with them, not me!

When silence is the answer to Feyd's timid greeting, his stomach drops as if filled with lead. Blood pounds in his ears like the war drums on his birthdays and his breath becomes shallow, so that he no longer even hears the guard's antsy shuffling. What will he do if she never forgives him? 

A harrowing need for violence flashes through him cold and dark and his twitching hand jerks for the blade at his hip but the door rushes open before he can brandish it and his woman faces him with crossed arms, her face puffy from sleep but her eyes are wide and vulnerable.

She beckons him to enter and he follows, eyes racing to the crowns of thorns in the vase, the sarcophagus, the ruffled bed, everything the way it was. How does she deal with pain?!

"Hello," Feyd mumbles, voice reduced to a tiny, grated whisper.

"Hello."

"Can we… talk?"

The relic nods and waits, clammy fingers clutching her sleeves. But then Feyd says… nothing. His eyes are focused on an imaginary point somewhere behind her navel and his jaws strain as if chewing a brick.

So, she begins: "I'm sorry, but I was very upset." She paces, shoulders drawn up. "I know that customs are different around here, I mean, they obviously are," she guffaws quietly and shakes her head. "But where I'm from, it requires consent to have more than one partner and I never gave you that consent. I've never given my consent to anything that's happened to me since I woke up! And then I found out you're alive and I can be with you and I really believed everything would finally be better, but you-" Her voice hiccups. "I'm very upset, okay?" Her lips twist and she lifts a hand to her mouth, sobbing quietly into her palm. "You're so different in real life."

Feyd's frozen limbs regain their agility and he jumps to her side as she tries to turn away, a swift predator despite his anguish. He clutches her by the arms. "Wait! Remind me. H-How was I in our dreams?" 

"I- I don't know, you looked happy." Her arms burn where he's holding onto her with his broad palms and long fingers. "And you were kind."

"Have I not been kind to you?"

"To me, yes. But being kind only to me is not enough." She shakes her head bitterly.

"What do you want me to do?" 

"Be honest with me. Who are these three?! They said you don't play with them anymore like you used to, and they hurt me, Feyd!" She writhes out of his clenched fists and he lets her because when her fingers skim his wrists, all his muscles go weak. She yanks up her shirt, showing off the healing gash on her waist.

Feyd wants to kill his darlings all over again and his sinful mouth twists into anger. "They used to be my pets. Pleasure slaves, if you will. Just some meaningless toys, nothing more, I swear it to you."

"Pleasure slaves!" She blurts out, shaking her head. At least he's being honest but - what the fuck?! "You-" Stumbling over her own words, she backs away from him with disgust. "Who are you? Who the fuck are you?"

More violence waits on her tongue. Does he respect anyone other than himself?

"You know me! You know who I am, where are you going?!" Doesn't she know she knows more about him than anyone else?

"I don't know shit about you!" She yells. "Where were you last night?"

"What?" All color is drained from his face. How could she know?

"Were you with them because I couldn't perform the way you wanted the other day?"

"What are you talking about?!" Feyd tries to grasp her by the arms once more but she twists away. If anything, he is at blame for being unable to make his woman comfortable enough to reach her release. What a pitiful good-for-nothing he is, pathetic down to the last, rotting cell. "I haven't touched my pets since I met you and that's the truth!"

"Oh, yeah? Then why was I not allowed to see you at night?" 

"What makes you say that?" 

"I tried to come to you last night, but the guard at my door said I'm supposed to stay in this room! So, were you with them?!"

Feyd stops his advance and an incredulous shimmer glazes over his blinking eyes. He could have held her last night, against his hurting heart. A dizzying lightness befalls his chest and sorrow becomes anger and anger wings his footsteps when he turns to the door, grinning, then giggling. Feyd slams his veined hand against the panel so hard, the screen cracks and inky blood slips down the valleys of his palm.

"Feyd? Feyd! What are you-"

The baffled guard faces the snickering na-Baron behind the opening door, last night's tiger resurrected like a Ghola for one last kill. A stammered 'my Lord' on diddering lips. Feyd-Rautha looks as bestial as his hyenas with prowling steps and rolling shoulders, searing eyes locked on his unmoving prey.

"You told my woman she couldn't see me last night? S'that right?" A slip of pink peeks out of the ghastly frame of black, gnashing teeth.

"My Lord, I beg your mercy, I didn't wish to distur-"

Metal flashes. The relic screams as the length of Feyd-Rautha's blade carves into the guard's pallid neck, Adam's apple bulging and sitting on the knife like a popped, black cherry. Blood sputters around Feyd's clenched fingers and laughter has faded from his lungs at once. He digs deeper as the guard draws in gurgling breaths, bubbles of air swimming in the blood around the metal.

The relic freezes like a mouse, glued to the spot as if she might turn invisible to the cold eyes of the beast who wears her lover's clothes. He looks nothing like Feyd-Rautha now, his features empty and alien with eyes that don't feel and hands unfazed by the death that stains them in thick, inky streams that roll down his victim's neck. 

This is how the universe sees him.

Feyd's blade slashes sideways, spraying a half moon of blood across the corridor and when the guard stumbles, he falls back into the na-Baron's knife, adding a vertical gash to the horizontal one, tip sinking into the flesh under his jaws, and with a jerk - up into his tongue.

The man grunts, still clinging to his life by a thread, and lurches forwards without drawing his sword. His head falls on Feyd-Rautha's shoulder. Feet shuffle in a grotesque waltz and Feyd's bloody fingers slip around the taller man's neck, holding him there while his blade plunges into his belly between armor plates so deftly, he could find all the weak spots blindfolded. The body slackens, weighing down on Feyd-Rautha whose ichor dripping fingers aren't ready to let go.

Shuk! Shuk! 

Is the sound of his blade sinking into soft flesh and viscera, whipping back out with a spray of blood and entrails.

The Bene Gesserit may have proclaimed her human, but the adrenaline that sets her nerves ablaze is a gift from her ancestors, animals, because that's what humans are at the end or the day when facing a bigger predator.

Fwump.

Feyd looks her way, the dead body dropped, and blood covers his hand like a shiny glove of ink, dripping down the blade tip in a drizzling stream. The light catches on the sharp edges of his alabaster skull and all she sees is a new, terrifying breed of human, birthed by a world of poison and decay. There are millennia between them. They may share the same DNA but that doesn't mean he is not an alien to her. 

In the end, the man from her dreams is not the man of her dreams.

Out the door? - Blocked! Death!

Off the balcony?! - Death!

To the Sarcophagus then. To her gun.

She turns and sprints, feet skidding over the shards of her rose-colored glasses, but Feyd pounces, a beast hungry for carnage, and catches her around the waist, hurling her backwards with the strength of three men. His blade clatters to the ground.

"No, wait. No. NO! NO! You can't go," he howls. "You cannot leave me!"

Wailing, she thrashes in his grasp and slams her elbow into his guts, her foot against his shin, then his crotch and the soft flesh there is squashed by her heel. When his hold slackens, she twists away and bolts, bare toes slipping across icy marble, but blood-smeared fingers find her shoulder, tearing on the fabric. She throws herself away from him so hard, the seam starts coming apart, so his other hand flies to her throat, steel-hard fingers curling around clammy flesh, yanking her around and against the wall.

She can't be looking at him like that, like he's the devil. Like he looks at his uncle.

Desperately, his lips search for hers but she jerks her head to the side, bites, scratches, nails burrowing into his throat. No is the word that Feyd-Rautha raps out between violent kisses that seek her pulse point with his tongue and teeth, no, she can't ever leave him, no, not ever, even if she hates him like everyone else. Her fear poisons the sweat on her neck and her nails don't egg him on, they hurt. He takes a knee to the guts and his lungs pop open for a harrowed cry.

Pain used to be pleasure but everything hurts, she doesn't love him anymore. One more meek and quiet final 'no' as he abandons the assault on her neck and his slackened arms wrap around her middle, hiding his face from rejection in her shoulder's soft flesh. Tears drip hotly, finally. All day and all night he's been waiting for the cathartic downpour, but not even the most pitiful plea could rouse a sliver of empathy in the hollow of his chest. Now he bawls like a baby forgotten in its crib and his blood-soaked hands seek purchase at the back of her shirt.

The woman grows still, nails still wedged inside the bloody crescent indents in his neck. Her lungs ache when she draws a trembling breath and Feyd-Rautha's hard, heavy chest moves with her, no more fight left in him. Quietly, she cries with him and curls her arms around his round shoulders, holding him there as he clings to her like an abandoned child and sheds tears for all the hurt and all the fear.

The man of her dreams is still there, somewhere, under the alien shell, vulnerable, weeping.

"You hate me, don't you?" A broken sob.

Looking over his head, the dead guard's viscera glitters darkly on the hallway and she is surprised to realize that even now, she doesn't hate him.

Feyd continues: "This is why I never wanted you to know who I am. I am awful."

"You're not awful," she whispers, fingers slipping around the back of his head, nails rimmed darkly by Feyd's blood.

"I have to be awful. I was born to be awful." 

"That's not true…" He was groomed to be awful.

But Feyd isn't finished. In a fashion of now or never, confessions spill out of him like poison rain. "I killed my mother when I was four. I don't remember why. I killed my pets. I kill men for sport. I kill people for fun. I kill because it's the only thing I can do. Yesterday, I-" His voice breaks. "I killed anyone I could find and no one fought back. I lo-o-ost count."

A full glass can't get any fuller when pouring more water, so shock and disgust are lost to the acceptance that has smoothed over the crescendo. They're just information to be added into a folder in her head. Feyd killed his mother. Feyd kills people for fun. Still, she holds him, fingers sliding up and down the back of his head as his shaky sobbing turns breathless and ugly.

"Okay," she whispers and rests her cheek on his head, exhaling softly so her warm breath fans his scalp. "For fun?"

"Ye-e-es."

"So, you had fun last night when you-" She swallows. "Killed?"

"No."

She lets out a thoughtful hum and Feyd's grip on the small of her back tightens. Still, he doesn't dare look at her and tears and snot have soaked her shirt. With her emotions currently defective, her ability for logic is still sharp, and so she concludes, it does all make sense.

Her poor Feyd, a current had pulled him under when he was barely a child and then layer after layer, he has been building his armor so as not to drown in the maelstrom of abuse. With every kill, a little boy has been screaming for help in an empty room.

Soft lips press a kiss to the crown of his head and Feyd's breath trembles in her hold, a beast tamed by a loving caress. That's all it takes.

Just because she understands his actions, doesn't mean she endorses them.

"Will you still be my wife?"

"I haven't decided yet." Another kiss so gentle, it taunts the corpses stacked up in the processing hall.

"So, we're no longer engaged?" 

"I don't think we ever were, not to me. But that doesn't mean I don't love you."

Dizzily, Feyd-Rautha raises himself. If not for the fingers twisted into his woman's shirt, he might just topple back into the spinning vortex at whose edge he is teetering now, one foot in heartbreak, the other in salvation. Blue eyes crack open, rimmed with dark blood vessels. She doesn't flinch, doesn't bolt, only her hands slide to the front of his suit and slip under the lapels, thumb rubbing where his heart hammers.

Feyd sees the tracks of dried tears on her cheeks and the shadow of horror tucked away in the corners of her eyes in a way that is all too familiar to him. More than anything, he wants to delete the images from her head and close the door, kick the blade under the bed, pretend it never happened. He tried to do everything right, got her flowers, hid her away in her own room away from state matters, made love to her with all his heart, but at the end of the day he is still who he is when he can't hide within a dream and it'll never be enough.

"Feyd, is… Is Lilia okay?"

"Yes, she is," comes the earnest reply and she exhales shakily, head sinking against Feyd's chest, arms sliding around his waist beneath the suit where his skin is burning hot.

"Thank God." Her voice warbles, the only warning before her knees give out and every other muscle along with them. The pair sink to the cold, hard ground.  "I just want to go home," she sobs and crawls in her beloved's lap which is still the only place in the cold, hard universe that soothes her soul.

Not her sarcophagus, although it is tempting to freeze herself up again and sleep forever. No, it is still him. A new home, not what she had imagined, but a home.

"Me too," Feyd sighs and squishes his cheek against the top of her head, closing his eyes to envision the bedroom of their shared dream, blue pillows, a white bed, a softly rustling fern in a terracotta pot, her in his arms. Home.

How easy it would be to demand of him: 'If you kill one more innocent, I will leave you!' But she might just kill more than she saves that way, and maybe him too, and maybe herself.

"Feyd, can you-" She sniffles. "If you get angry again, please never hurt Lilia. And whoever the new guard will be, don’t hurt him either. Can you do that for me please?"

"I promise." He squeezes her tight, eyes screwed up so tightly that he sees only dizzying stars. "I love you. I'm sorry."

She cannot fix the whole world, but she can start where she can see. It's not a solution, but a sapling, and a sapling can grow.

Mother Father How did I end up here, stone bound? All I feel ist the striking distance to the clouds My flesh is fettered on the skin of the soil But even so I almost reach the sparks in the void Sailing through the vacuum, am I drowned or alive?

- Cepheus by Fewjar

A/N: Okay, I promise promise this was the angstiest chapter, we're climbing uphill from here!! 🥺🥺🥺 Hand over your guesses, what do you think will happen from here? 😌💕 Thank you so much for all of your time!

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[alienoresimagines]

*leaving this on your doorstep like a cat* [ NAP ] while receiver is resting, sender joins them in bed & cuddles up close ? If it inspires you 😊

Well, Ame, this is 7k words long so I'd say it definitely inspired me 😂❤️ Though Gale took "cuddles up close" in a different direction lmao

I hope you'll like it ❤️

“Hey, darlin’. Had a nice day ?” Because even if he knows, Buck still needs to be sure there’s nothing for him to fix, that John’s as happy as can be. After all he’s been through, John deserves all the happiness in the world and Gale will always strive to give it to him. He needn’t have worried though, for Bucky’s eyes, which have just opened to gaze at him adoringly, disappear in half moons from how wide he smiles, each muscle in his face taking part in painting Gale’s favorite view in the world. Upon seeing the happiness on John’s face, the last of his tension immediately leaves him and he all but melts in his embrace, front pressed to his side but chin resting on Bucky’s chest so he can still look at his face.

“‘Twas amazing, Buck. You should’ve seen them, gaping like fish, the lot of ‘em,” John grins blindingly up at him, his hand drawing circles on his back as the other gesticulates excitedly while he talks, and Gale is taken back to the picture in their hallway. The only difference is that now, 5 years later, he doesn’t have to keep the fondness off his face, so he doesn’t try. In fact, he leans up to steal a kiss, cupping Bucky’s cheek in one hand, just because he can, in the safety of their home miles away from anyone. He means for it to be just a quick peck, not wanting to cut Bucky off from his story, but the other seems to have other ideas since, when Gale pulls back to settle again, the hand drawing patterns on his back stops to press gently on his lower back, and John’s other hand flies up to hold his chin between thumb and forefinger, pulling him back in. They meet in a soft kiss, unhurried and gentle as lips slide together effortlessly, tongues barely grazing each other in the softest of caresses, John’s mustache tingling his upper lip in a delicious burn that he can’t get enough of. It reminds Gale of the warm summer breeze that caressed his face the first time he stepped off a fort he landed on his own. Like a “welcome home” without words. It settles in Gale’s bones with the comforting weight of love and care, leaving him content and slightly dazed as he pulls back for air.

He opens his eyes to see John in a similar state, pink lips slightly swollen and gaze unfocused as he stares at Gale. For all that Bucky still makes him blush as easily as if he were pulling a melody out of an instrument he’s played all his life, he always looks drunk on love, on Gale, whenever they kiss like that. It’s empowering in the best of ways, it makes him curl his toes in his socks to know that kissing him has that kind of effect on John, long after they’ve run out of firsts to check. It also still makes him shy and duck his face slightly, unable to resist the soft smile blooming on his face, though he does sweep his thumb back and forth under the skin of John’s eyes before retracting his hand. Resting his chin back on Bucky’s chest, he can feel the way the other’s heart hammers, contradicting John’s controlled breathing. His eyes haven’t left Gale but he clears his throat and opens his mouth, once, twice before any sound comes out.

Read more here :

Mota Masterlist

[hopelesslyromanticgay]

How about Tara and R grew very close, kissed here and there but then Tara friendzones R. R distances herself and only then Tara realizes that she wants more than friendship

We're Gonna Make It Work

5 times Tara and Y/N shared meaningless kisses + one time they actually meant it. Or: A quick 5 + 1 fic!

Disclaimer: certain themes in this story I don't have tons of experience with, so sorry if not everything's accurate. EX: I definitely haven't been to a college party lmao.

Tara and I met on our first day in college. Freshmen year in college is intimidating enough. Freshmen Year in a big city like New York is terrifying.

We bonded quickly, and soon enough I was spending tons of time with her friend group. I even introduced my roommate, Anika to my new friend, Mindy, and now the two are happily dating. It seems I've seamlessly assimilated into their group.

I've always thought she was extremely beautiful. I really don't want to risk the friendship I've worked so hard to build with her. At the same time, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to try.

The first time we kissed it was an accident. That's all it was. An accident.

She was blackout drunk at a party. Mindy and Anika had disappeared into some room. Chad was doing shots in the kitchen. Ethan was at his dorm, doing homework like the "quirky" pick me he is.

So many people crowded the building, dancing terribly to awful music, drunk on cheap booze. The frat house reeked of liquor and the distinct scent of marijuana.

Not to say I wasn't drunk too, though. Just less drunk than everyone else in the group. There was a slight wobble in my step as I walked from the kitchen to the living room, wanting to sit for a split second.

Tara had a three round winning streak at beer pong against some guy I'd never seen before. In the corner of my eye, I could see her downing a cup every 45 seconds or so. Maybe if the alcohol hadn't clouded my judgement, I would have been smart enough to get her away from that sooner.

It wasn't until I saw her wobbling towards the steps with he guy she had just been competing with that I sprang into action.

In retrospect, can see why people call booze liquid courage. Man, if I were sober, there would have been no way I would do what I did next.

"Hey, Tara, your boyfriend's looking for you," I grabbed her away from the clearly less drunk man in front of me. He reached out and grabbed her other arm, "she'll be fine."

"Her boyfriend is a football recruit," I lied, "he'll beat the shit out of your weak ass."

"What?" she slurred, unable to comprehend what I'm saying.

"I said, your boyfriend's here, let's go find him," I repeated, dragging her away from the situation.

"Why did you do thattttt," she whined once we're out of ear shot.

"He was taking advantage of you, you'll thank me in the morning," I told her, "you're a mess, let's get you home."

Luckily, her apartment wasn't far, because I was practically carrying her down the street. She flutters in and out of consciousness, making her balance even less stable.

The elevator ride was painfully quiet, what even is there to say. I opened the apartment door, guiding the barely conscious Tara inside. Immediately, I saw Sam, sitting in the kitchen. Waiting for us.

"Where were you?" she interrogated, "I was scared out of my mind."

"Hey, Sam, she's pretty fucked up right now, maybe you should wait for her to sober up. I'm gonna get her to sleep, okay?" She nods, angrily. I can tell she isn't happy about this.

I walkedvTara down to her room, setting her down on the bed.

"Goodnight, Tara," I smiled, helping her take off her shoes and pulling the blankets up over her.

"Night Night, pretty girl," she pulled my face down for a quick kiss.

What the fuck is happening? I could taste the burning liquor on her lips. She's gonna have one hell of a headache in the morning. I quickly break away, I can't do this while she's drunk.

The second time we kiss, she's actually sober.

It's a silly situation, really.

We're at Rockefeller center, shopping for clothes on sale. They put up the ice rink for the winter. Even though it's technically November, I guess New York doesn't care about technical seasons though.

Tara and I stroll down the pavement, warm coffee in our hands. She's very cute all bundled up in her winter gear. A beanie compresses her bangs, and her winter coat looks nearly suffocating yet not nearly arm enough for a New York winter.

"Fuck," she mumbles, looking behind us.

"What's wrong?" I ask, concerned.

"I need you to kiss me, right now," she commands.

"Damn, at least take me out to dinner first," I laugh awkardly.

"Y/N, shut up and do it, I'll explain later," she pleads. I happily oblige her, allowing her lips to make their way to mine. She caresses my cheek through her gloved hands, and I find myself lost in a daze. She's good at this. Her hands slide down my face to wrap themselves around my neck and she slowly breaks the kiss. A part of me wished it would never end.

"So you wanna tell me what that was about?" I raise an eyebrow.

"Creepy ex, wanted to make sure he didn't think he had a shot," she explains. My face falls. Such an amazing experience, ruined by the context.

"I'm sorry, Tar," I pull her closer to me, wrapping my arms around her.

We kiss for a third time a month later.

"Hi," I smile, walking through the apartment door, "why'd you call?"

"I don't know, I'm just bored I guess," she shrugs.

"Okay," I say. To be honest, I needed something to do with my afternoon, and who better to spend it with.

We decide to put on a movie, Clueless. I found some popcorn in the cabinet, so I decided to microwave some up.

I place the metal bowl between us on the couch. I think if I'm much closer to her I might try to kiss her again.

"So, what have you been doing these past few weeks?" she asks.

"The usual," I respond, "homework, my job, and sleeping. And you?"

"Yeah, just homework," she purses her lips, trying to think.

God what I would give to feel those soft warm lips again.

"No, I've also been reading some weird ass Stephen King book about a guy going crazy."

"So pretty much every Stephen King book?" I ask.

"Not true!" she playfully shoves me, "IT is about multiple people going crazy. The Dark Half is about someone who thinks he's crazy, but also knows he's not. There's lots of non insanity related ones too."

"Nerd," I playfully tease her.

"Shut up," she laughs.

"Make me?" I tease her more.

"Nope, sorry, you gotta earn that," she teases back.

I open a beer for each of us, "It's happy hour somewhere."

"It's 4:30, so we're not doing terribly," she reminds me.

"We're great at this," I joke.

"So great at this."

We go back to the movie, it's such a classic. Other than the ending, it's a perfect movie.

She smiles a priceless smile when Cher assumes Tai doesn't know seven multiplied by seven.

"This girl! I swear, she was a perfect casting for Tatum in Stab!"

"You have a great smile," I muse aloud, quickly regretting it. Damn it. Why did I say that?

"Thank you," I can see a blush creeping up her cheeks as she starts to smile even wider.

The movie seems to fade out of view as does everything else except us. The popcorn bowl is quickly discarded and her lips crash onto mine, kissing with a desperation so strong it's almost aggressive. I immediately reciprocate the kiss, leaning forward to get closer to her.

"If we do this," she pants in between kisses, "there's no strings attached."

I nod in agreement.

We fall into a routine of kissing or hooking up no strings attached. I know friend with benefits never works. Especially if you already have feelings for that person but god, she's irresistible.

There's two notable times after that afternoon when it feels different.

The first time, she's coming out of a rough therapy session.

"Hello, this is Y/N L/N," I answer the phone.

"Hey, Y/N, it's Tara," I can hear her voice crack.

"Hey Tara, what's up?" I ask.

"C-can you come over?" she says, trying to sound nonchalant about it. I see right through her facade.

"On my way, stay safe, pretty girl," I rush to the subway, trying to catch the first train I can to her side of the city.

I practically tear down the door to get into the apartment, there's nothing to do but make a beeline for Tara's room.

"Hey Tar, I'm here," I quietly announce.

She bolts up and wraps herself around me in a near suffocating hug. Her tears soak their way through my shirt, and I caress her hair comfortingly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask.

"No," she shakes her head.

"Can I do anything at all to help?"

"You can distract me," she winks. I nod, a little unsure of what to do.

Is this really the right time to hook up with her? Like she should be in a place of emotional stability to properly consent, right?

"Y/N, I know your like panicking about the morals, but please. Just do it. I need it. Please?" she widens her eyes pleadingly. How can I say no to that?

The next time of note is also the last time.

I've become unhappy with this whole "friends with benefits thing." I know, it was stupid of me to agree to it in the first place. And don't get me wrong, I've had tons of fun. So much fun. But there's limits to our situation.

I want to be able to tell her how I feel, I want strings attached. I want to take her out on dates, and hold her hand in front of our friends.

It's a freezing cold Thursday, I'm so tired. I forgot my textbooks at Tara's apartment after our "study" session last night, so i had to take a subway back to get them, which made me late the the only lecture I was interested in. Damn it.

I had thirty minutes to kill until my next class, so here I am, in the school courtyard, thinking about Tara.

Do I love her? Yes.

Does she love me? I don't know.

Will telling her I need to be more than just friends with benefits risk everything? Yes.

Speak of the devil and she shall appear, because right as I'm thinking about this, I see a short brunette making a beeline towards me. I think this means we need to discuss this.

"Hey there, tiny Carpenter," I tease her.

"Shut up!" she gets on the tips of her toes to pat my head.

"Do you wanna come over tonight?" I ask, "Anika and Mindy are having a date night?" I figure then would be a good time to tell her.

The rest of the day goes by in a blur and just a few hours later, I hear Tara's familiar voice at my door.

I take a deep breath, "Hey Tar, can we talk? I ask.

"What's up?" she asks.

"I feel like this isn't working," I admit, it's pretty obvious almost immediately what I'm talking about.

"O-oh," she stammers, "why?"

Oh god this is so awkward, like what are you supposed to say, yeah no I'm in love with you.

"I.... cuz friends with benefits never works out when there's feelings involved," I word vomit.

"Oh...."

"Yeah...."

We sit in an awkward silence.

"Tara, please say something," I say quietly.

"I'm so sorry, I can't do this anymore," she gets up and leaves, but I'm frozen in my seat. Unable to move.

I don't see Tara except in a few classes for at least a month. Though it could have been longer or shorter. Not like I want to see her though.

The days begin to blend together in a big lengthy mess.

I barely turn my assignments in, and the best grade I've gotten was a low C.

I go to parties more often than before. Hooking up with strangers, drinking myself to a blackout and being hungover as hell in the morning.

Anika's voiced her concern for me, but I find it so hard to listen.

I'm just numb.

I don't think I ever felt anything before I met Tara, and I don't think I'll feel anything again without her.

And to think of all the times we've kissed, made out and hooked up. Did those mean anything to her? She barely meets my gaze in class.

We haven't talked at all.

Lying down in my bed, I stare at the ceiling, out of the corner of my eye, I can see the date on the calendar.

March 7. It's been four months since our kiss at Rockefeller. I guess I should just forget about that though.

I hear a quiet knocking on my door, "come in, Anika.

The door slowly creaks open and in steps Tara.

"Hey," she says quietly. I scramble up to my feet, preparing to tell her to get out.

"Before you scream at me and tell me to go away, just let me talk?"

I nod wondering why can I never say no to her. I gesture for her to sit next to me.

"Look, I fucked up," she admits, "friends with benefits almost never works out. And I'm so so sorry. I didn't realize fucking it up would mean hurting you. I really thought about what you said."

"What did I say?" I asked.

"That what we had wasn't working," she says.

"And what have you decided?"

"It wasn't," she reassured me, "but it could."

I'm totally taken aback, "If you think I want to be 'just a friend that you sometimes fuck,' you're crazy, Tara."

"No, I mean a real relationship," she blurts.

"Huh?"

"Y/N, I have feelings for you!" she exasperatedly exclaims.

"Y-you do?" I ask incredulously.

"Yeah, I do," I see a blush creep up her cheeks.

"Well I like you too," I smile. She starts to get closer to me, but I stop her, "Look, give me a week to turn around my mental wellbeing, and I'll take you out on a date. I want to do this, but I want to do it right."

"Take your time," she smiles back, "see ya on Saturday for this 'date' you wanna take me on."

She winks, gets up, and leaves the dorm, blowing me a kiss on the way out.

We're gonna make this work.

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

I'm already at work so I'm just going to rant for 5 minutes, so I can actually get something done today.

First of all, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I laughed and smiled so much!!!

At first the show didn't seem as fun as I thought it would be, but... "Are you sure" REALLY is the appropriate title lmao.

Never in a million years did I expect Jimin's diarrhea to be the main plot. That was crazy. Poor guy, he was going through it. Pooping in public bathrooms is nasty.

And Jikook were so... it was so weird seeing them "alone" like that. They tease each other so much, and the play fighting and cuddling... Like when Jimin got into Jungkook's bed, they wrestled and then JK just pulled Jimin into bed and they brushed their teeth together... And when they cuddled in Jimin's bed in the morning...

Jungkook is really a kid at heart. Building a stone statue, running off to buy snacks, the eye exercise he does at night that he showed us on Weverse once lmao.

And he's sooooo hot. Like, he looked insanely handsome and hot the whole time. After falling in the water (hilarious btw)? Check. After a nap? Check. Wet from the rain? Double yes. I honestly didn't think I'd find him particularly attractive riding a motorcycle, but the way his clothes were clinging to his body, plus the sunglasses and exposed tattoos... Very hot. Him dancing in the rain, all casual and amazing? Very hot. He's so hot and stylish all the time, it's insane.

Pray for Jimin, our strongest soldier, who gave Jungkook butterflies when he grabbed his shirt.

Let's hope Jeju and Japan go better for Jimin though! Why did he keep eating heavy food on an upset stomach? He should've been eating plain rice and chicken, soup, drinking water, etc.

Also, they ate so much (mostly Jungkook). Jungkook's stomach is wow... In the last day in NY all they did was eat. Jungkook had a breakfast, immediately followed by lunch, and then a dinner 2 hours later... And Wallmart pizza cannot be that good but it's like everything is a 5 star course for them, lmao. It's amazing how they like anything. Wish I could be like that too. But please Jungkook, don't only drink water... You have to eat!

I'm going to rewatch the episodes at night and rant some more. Please share your thoughts!!!

[lxmbr]

so ive written out a crap ton of fanfic ideas..for you to try

i genuinely don't know if I'm okay. wtf is wrong with me omg lmao

ALL OF THESE PEOPLE ARE BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL WRITERS GO LOOK AT THEIR BLOGS!!

these are all Nijisanji En, mainly the boys. If it has the checkmark it doesnt mean u cant do it! if you really like it i'd still love to see it.

‼️🩷THE LINKS OF THE FANFICS I PUT ARE NOT MINE. I TAKE ZERO CREDIT. THEYRE JUST THE VERSIONS AND FICS OTHER PEOPLE HAVE DONE. IF THEYRE YOUR FANFICS, PLEASE DM FOR REMOVAL I WILL 100% TAKE THEM DOWN!! 🩷‼️

I AM NOT WRITING SMUT!! im sorry i do not feel comfortable writing smut in detail, thats just me..of course i will write suggestive things but i will not be writing smut! please refrain from requesting the smutty stuff..understand that i will ignore it.

hear me out on a lot of these okay 🥹. ive been saving them up for like a month or so now. not all of these are for everyone. if you see one you dont like, ignore it. someone else will probably do it

TAKE CREATIVE LIBERTYY!!

🔞: nsfw/smut

☁️: sfw/fluff

⭐: crack/silly

💔: angst/sad

💭: headcannons/reactions

💌: one shots

✔️: been done/I've seen one like it 

‼️: in progress/im writing this!!

all gn reader and most are established relationship! and you can keep mysta, yugo, and nina in there! (although there won't be much NijiEn Girls)

⚠️IF YOU USE ANY OF THESE IDEAS, PLEASE TAG ME⚠️ not all of these are ones ive requested, again some ive just seen that happen to be similar to the idea

🔞💭Luxiem/Iluna/Noctyx seeing you in a cosplay of a character they really like/a sexy costume

☁️💭Luxiem hcs treating you on your period

 fanfix - not mine!

fanfic - not mine!

☁️🔞💭Luxiem reactions(?) to you dancing competitively (for ex: kpop dances) 

⭐💌☁️💭ike eveland reacting to you using some Swedish words he taught you in a sentence. (could be a curse word, a color, or a simple word to point out something. ex: balloon! or in Swedish, ballong!)

⭐☁️💌💭Noctyx hcs you crying over something silly (for ex: you lost your keys or the cat looked at you in a weird way)

☁️⭐💭💌NijiEn foreign: them reacting to you learning their native language! ‼️

☁️🔞💭Luxiems reaction to you proposing to them before they could to you

janes fanfic!

🔞💌Sitting on Vox's lap while he does his asmr steam

⭐☁️ 💌You and Ike eveland as geese (inspired by the untitled goose game stream)

☁️🔞💌When you meet meixul for the first time‼️

🔞💌💭Luxiem reacting to you touching yourself in their clothes 

🔞💭💌 NijiEn boys reacting to you dry humping them

💭💌☁️ Luxiem when you fall asleep on them

🔞💭☁️ Luxiem when you have baby fever ✔️

fanfic - not mine!

fanfic - not mine!

💌☁️⭐ Luxiem when you want to do their hair

💭🔞💌☁️ NijiEn Boys/Merryweather/Shxtou with their puppygirl ✔️

fanfic - not mine!

fanfic - not mine!

☁️💭💔 Luxiem comforting you after a fight with your parents/gaurdians

🔞💌 Luxiem's favorite dirty talk

🔞💌☁️💭 Luxiems wedding night with you ✔️

fanfic - not mine!

💌☁️⭐💭 Luxiem when shu accidentally turns you into a baby for a day ✔️

fanfic - not mine!

💭💌🔞 Luxiem when you wear lingerie for them

🔞💌☁️💭⭐ NijiEn (whoever) getting high🍃 with them!

💭☁️💌🔞 Luxiem/Noctyx when they're jealous

💌🔞☁️💭 Ike eveland, feeding into his yandere tendencies (for ex: offering him to put a tracking device on you. basically just a super willing reader that encourages his unhealthy actions and urges)

🔞💌💭 The names you call Luxiem/Noctyx/iluna in bed‼️

💭☁️💌⭐ When you're luxiems oshi/vtuber crush and you guys collab for the first time‼️

💌💭☁️🔞 Luxiem when the other members purposely flirt with you to piss the other member off (for ex: ike likes u/ur dating ike, and the other members purposefully flirt with you to make him mad. and so on for the other members) ‼️

⭐☁️💭💌🔞 Luxiem coming home to you and your child (or your young cousin or little sibling. like 5 yrs old or smn) to you listening/singing/rapping to their part in hope in the dark or jazz on the clock

☁️💭⭐💌🔞 Luxiem reacting to a partner loud in bed ✔️

fanfic - not mine!

💌☁️💭🔞 Luxiem reacting to the cliche porn situation - u getting stuck in something (for ex...the washing machine lmfao) ✔️

🔞💭☁️💌⭐ Luxiem reacting to calling them senpai

🔞💭☁️💌 Luxiem when their cat!girl purrs at their affection

💭💌☁️⭐ Luxiem reacting to you having lepidoptraphobia (self insert oop)

☁️⭐💭💌 when Luxiem tells you the latest gossip

🔞💭💌 Luxiem getting aroused at the sight of your blood

I'll be adding more just try to keep up! pls post your questions ill answer them, again pretty please tag me..id LOVE to see your takes on these. ill try to update as much as possible :)

do you guys think i should write some of my own? I'd be down to write a couple..pls let me know 🥹

[slylock-syl]

Hey Syllll! Long time, no chat! I just wanted to get this off my chest before i go ham trying to figure out what i wanna commission from you soon.

I have been reading Undersource for years now, and i think we've both come a long way since then! God, that feels weird to say, i'm not even old enough to drink yet lmao. But! I am old enough to spend my money responsibly now, which is nuts given that my responsible spending is now aimed at getting art of my blorbos LOL.

You've grown as an artist so much since i first started reading- i think that was around... the pirate arc? Not sure! But i do remember the early days of me having discord, during the EKD server category era. But anyways, i know the way you drew our favorite skeletons was different back then, and it's all gotten so much smoother in that time. You're also (at least seemingly) taking way better care of yourself! You've set boundaries, you've set more time for yourself and not the blog, and you're still happily chugging along, after all these years. Not to mention you're working on this side story now, which i'm fairly certain you've been looking forward to for a while.

How's that sleeping though? Do you still have the sleep cycle of an austalian? Can't say i'm any better, im slowly becoming nocturnal again lol. Some things NEVER change.

Anyways. All this to say: im really proud to have been part of this little community for so long. To see the comic and its artist come so far. Even if im not a diehard fan anymore, im glad i can still take a little time every weekend to realize "OH, U/S shoulda updated!" and run over here. Thanks for giving me a good starting point of community on this god damned hellsite.

(Here's to sleepy 5 am "you're great" asks LMAO)

sjksdhLKSDJFHG THIS IS SUCH A SWEET MESSAGE OMG-

Hi Azzy! :D I'm glad you still like my work even after all this time! Thank you for sticking around! :D

I have been taking better care of myself these days! I'm (only sometimes begrudgingly XD) going on daily walks (Pikmin Bloom is really helping with that, I love Pikmin they're so cute), and made some new friends! When I first started this blog I was convinced I had to constantly/frequently produce content, and I time went on I slowly realized that wasn't really viable, so I slowly trimmed down the workloads for better manageability, I'd say it's helped a lot! Even if it may not look like it sometimes XD

There was a point before I adjusted my work schedule where I figured out that I may have been riding a creative burnout for a long while, as when I looked back it felt like my work had begun to visually stagnate. I think at the time I was cramming working on the comic update across only 3 or 4 days (Wednesday/Thursday to Saturday mornings, sometimes down to the wire), with several hours of just constant work (plus any distractions and 3 daily asks) because I was procrastinating so badly X'D I'm still recovering from the visual stagnation, but I'm definitely trying to experiment where I can! I may not be the best at it but I hope I'm improving at least ksjdghLSDGH My current schedule is MUCH more spaced out and much more manageable, spanning Sunday to Friday and broken down into stages for each day, and Saturdays are my designated day off~

As for the side story, it's one I've had around for quite a while and have been excited to finally show off! There were a few people who were interested in it when it was first teased, though I've no idea if they're still around, if they are I hope they're enjoying the story so far as well! 💜

Oddly enough my sleep schedule is no longer on Cthulhu Standard Time SKSDJGHDLG We had a TON of construction going on in the house the past few months and it was way too awkward to sleep with a bunch of strangers either being in or near my room, as well as making a LOT of noise sjkdhgLKSDJG There was a brief section of time where I'd actually go to bed at a "normal" time and get up at like, 9 or 10 am X'D Though it's slowly sneaking it's way into afternoons to 3 or 4 AM after I feed the kitties, kinda like my old college schedule XD

Thank you again for liking my work and sticking around! I really appreciate it!! :D

I may not be anywhere near whatever my "peak" was a few years ago, but I'm still happy to keep going for those who still come around! 💜

[explicitred]

Noises

June 19, Post 15 of the "30 Days Fanfic Event"

Alhaitham x Male Reader

“I hope my roommate won't be hammering away on another one of his projects in the dead of night... Actually, I'd prefer if he wasn't home at all. I really don't want to wear my soundproof earpieces to bed.”

synopsis: In which Alhaitham can’t sleep from the sounds of Kaveh’s architect duties, and needs you♡

Hammering noises echoed throughout the house, harsh sounds reaching Alhaitham’s room. 

Alhaitham’s immediately opened after a particularly loud noise. The scribe’s eyes trailed to your hand, the one that he held in the middle of between you both. You laid on your back, eyes closed with a peaceful expression. Alhaitham was on his side, so that he could hold your hand, yet the space between you two put a small distance. 

A stoic and intimidating man to the Akademiya and the public, yet he was shy for you since he wasn’t used to physical contact or initiating affection. Whatever you did, heat would rush to his cheeks. Alhaitham would reread the same sentence of the paragraph in his book multiple times without stopping as he subtly stiffened, his breathing quickly becoming uneven.

The hammering only grew louder and louder, leading to Alhaitham deciding to close the gap between the both of you on the bed. The scribe didn’t want to start wearing his soundproof earpieces to sleep, but he was seriously considering it. The better and more preferable option was to dig his face into your chest or neck to hopefully sleep peacefully and not hear the irking noises in your warm and comfortable embrace.

Alhaitham’s heart hammered in his chest, his body pressed against and on top of you. Surely, you could hear, how loud his heart was beating. Suddenly, he felt as if he couldn’t hear Kaveh’s hammering anymore. Alhaitham’s eyes slowly closed, as your fingers ran through his hair.

The hammering only grew louder, yet Alhaitham slept peacefully in your embrace without any interruptions.

Huh, he was going to have to do this again.

I might digitally draw the scene I was thinking of to give a better visual of when they were holding hands and sleeping in the future

Dont get your hopes up though, and if i do draw it its gonna be bad lmao

(it takes me like 5 hours to complete a drawing, and i draw traditionally :c)

Its been 2 months and i still havent finished this one drawing of a character i like… aku im sorry😅

i also drew alhaitham but its still not finished yet after 2 months too lol

[autisticlalna]

"You Were Right" (and a behind the scenes on how we got here)

initially i was gonna make a post going over all of Anathra's lore so far but then i realized i do not quite have the spoons for it, and also i'd like to break it up into easier to cover parts anyway. so let's jump straight into the most recent mystery!

i've already talked before about the hidden messages in Rubyco's videos, and about the split-second easter eggs in Viking's. encrypted messages aren't exactly new to Skyblock Kingdoms.

but, okay, let's rewind a little. it's 1 am, a couple days before Anathra's episode 8 premieres. i'm winding down for bed, see the premiere on my homepage, and go: hey! i wonder what Anathra's doing next episode!

hey what the fuck is that. why is there elder furthark

a bit of backstory on me: i love translating things. you probably know this by now. i also knew a guy who was big into norse mythology stuff, and that included him knowing elder furthark. so i immediately peg that as "oh, shit, that's elder furthark" and track down a translation tool.

("why are you going into backstory" we'll get to that. lol lmao.)

anyway, its 1 am, i run it through the first tool i find, and get:

someþiŋ ' weird ' happened

...or "something weird happened".

COOL. THAT'S OMINOUS.

i go to bed. when i wake up, Moxi has shared something from Anathra's discord:

...but i can't figure out what it translates to.

timeskip to the premiere.

Anathra gets a delivery from the End Kingdom after helping Josh out with villager stuff. he goes to place the shulker down, it's suddenly nighttime, and...

hey, what

iou were right

...okay, here's where we loop back to that backstory bit, and also i pull back the curtain to showcase how hilariously bad this went for the dnerds.

i recognized the alphabet as elder furthark

(and yet my dyslexic ass doesnt realize theres two rs in it until now. it has been 5 years.)

trying to translate the box name gave me gibberish ("io nht tuil")

i also knew from the "something weird happened" message that elder furthark isnt 1:1 with the english alphabet

oops there are two translator tools. oops they use different runes for "y"

due to [gestures at cherry and doak], there is a minor scuffle about if it says "you" or if it actually IS supposed to say "iou"

we still cant translate the box

still cant translate the discord message either. this is about to be really funny

people in the sbkcd are also translating it, so we compare notes

anathra steps in to save us:

THANK YOU ANATHRA <3

i am immediately embarrassed because, oops, turns out Angerthas (dwarven runs from Lord of the Rings) has alphabet overlap with elder furthark, so that's where the confusion came from. seeing as it's a post-filming decision, that does mean that the episode description and chat message were translated correctly, but the box is in Angerthas and, despite having the same runes, they do not correspond to the same english letters.

i spend a bit alternating between bonking myself for my mistake and bonking my very tired head against Angerthas for a bit until WhiteQry suggests that maybe what Anathra said in chat is the same thing. later, Aquelon is able to translate it as "IU WER RAIT". or,

YOU WERE RIGHT

...right about what?

skipping back to the events of the episode: Anathra realizes that he's lost time. he says he's only felt this "once before", doesn't know what the writing is, and is generally thrown off by... whatever just happened.

i need to rewatch Anathra's pov before i can dig into what i think the message means-- my initial guess is that it has something to do with his ?nightmare? from episode 5, although im not sure past that. considering his pov plays with the concept of the fourth wall a bit as-is, the message also might not be for Anathra (and he can't read it with glasses on either way).

Anathra's in the middle of something. there's a lot going on with him, inside and outside, and i really want to do more overviews of his lore because it's very fun. until then, keep an eye out for more strange messages i guess.

-

"hey leo you didn't translate the furthark in the 'glasses off' message, what gives" WELL, YOU SEE. I WAS TOO BUSY BEING EMBARRASSED AT THE TIME TO PROCESS IT. AND IT WASNT UNTIL WRITING THIS POST AND GETTING THAT SCREENSHOT THAT I SAW IT AND WENT "wait. hold on" AND RAN IT THROUGH THE TRANSLATOR.

AND THEN REALIZED, AFTER FOUR DAYS, THAT ITS THE URL OF THE SITE IM USING TO TRANSLATE THIS AND IT JUST GOT KINDA MANGLED BECAUSE OF THE "NOT 1:1 WITH ENGLISH ALPHABET" THING.

im in hysterics. how did this happen. please dont ever think im professional. all of these super cool in-depth explainer posts are the end result of so much clownery but i needed to show you guys just how much of a MESS this is lmao

[quaranmine]

you were in Iceland?? epic! I've been there as well (in 2022), how was it? how was the volcano? (if you don't mind me asking, feel free to ignore this)

Yes! I was there 5/18 to 6/1. I've wanted to go for like a decade and have been semi planning this trip for 2024 for a year and a half, then properly researching and planning since January. It was SO AMAZING. Exactly everything I wanted :) I was ready to go home at the end for like, my own bed and some rest, but now I miss it and want to go back lol

If you went in 2022, did you get to hike to the Fagradalsfjall eruption? I know those were the "tourist" ones that people could get closer to. The current eruptions are part of another volcanic system on the Reykjanes peninsula, Svartsengi. They aren't open for hiking. It erupted again 3 days before I left. I got to see it twice! On our last full day we drove out of Reykjavik and saw it along the highway, and then the day we left we stopped on the way to the airport. I took this with my 250 mm from literally the side of the highway:

It caused no interferences with our travel. It's a fissure eruption, so the lava is erupting along a fissure and isn't as big and explosive. Initially they were afraid this one might disrupt air travel if the lava flowed to the sea (producing more ash and steam) but it didn't. It was very cool to see! I feel bad for the people who lived in Grindavik though, it’s been months since they had to evacuate and there isn't an end in sight for them yet. The Icelandic government really stays on top of things like road closures, weather reporting, etc so I checked their websites daily. The main concern with the eruption as gas pollution, so I just checked their pollution forecast to see if the wind was going to blow it over us or not (it didn't.)

Our trip went great. We had mostly good weather and apparently left just in time because this last week there's been a pretty nasty problematic storm across the whole country that left a bunch of people stranded. But we left 2 days before that. We drove 3,300 km in our rental car (2,050 miles) and did the entire ring road + some of the Westfjords + Snæfellsnes + Húsavik + Borgarfjörður Eystri as detours. Our rental car was named Jim because that was his license plate. We bonded with him lmao

Here's a few photos :)

Major things I did: Katla Ice Cave, Vestmannaeyjabær, Silfra snorkeling in 2°C water, Jökulsárlon boat tour, Húsavik whale watching, countless waterfalls, puffins at Borgarfjarðarhöfn, Hvammsvik hot springs & Sky lagoon, and Mulagljufur Canyon.

It was at coldest, 2°C (35°F) with downpour rain being pushed sideways into your face by wind to the point you could hardly open your eyes. It was at hottest 19° C (66°F) and sunny. We mostly got great weather, it was only one day that was particularly bad. Mostly it was between 7°C - 13°C (45°F - 55°F) the whole time.

I NEVER saw it get dark and that was a novelty to me the entire trip. Like it never settled in as something I got used to. Presumably it got mostly dark somewhere around 2 am but I was always asleep by then and even if I woke up to go the bathroom, it'd be like 4 am and already light again. The furthest north we stayed was Ísafjörđur, and according to timeanddate.com by May it never reaches full dark, only civil twilight for 3 hours and daylight the other 21. I can't imagine if I'd actually have been there during the solstice, with just that extra month for the days to be even longer!

Now I want to go back for a short winter trip to see the northern lights and then for a proper summer trip to see the highlands (closed the whole time we were there for thawing season)

[zenonaa]

idk if anyone has noticed the number of tofu fics (or fics in general) that i write/post has gone down in the past few years, but i want to kind of talk about that. i love togafuka. i love writing. my love for them has not diminished.

in early 2022, my mother was hospitalised and soon diagnosed with cancer. she came to live with me for the next 5-6 months during her chemo treatment and such. as well as helping look after her (and seeing her ups and downs) i was working a full-time job and looking after my younger brother a lot who is autistic and epileptic (the latter was diagnosed this year). my father worked and helped how he could, my sister helped my mum a lot but my sister and younger brother were in their early twenties at the time so i felt like a lot of the responsibility fell on me.

i appreciate the time i spent with my mother in that time, i would not change that, but it was very traumatic for me. my relationship with her wasn't always the best growing up, and i think she had mental issues that she refused to get help for that caused a lot of it (and i was a troubled kid too, well-behaved but depressed/socially anxious. also prob have autism). everyday i would see my mother get stronger, or weaker. i remember one night, my brother woke up crying (mum was in my bed, i was downstairs on a sofa bed and bro was on a beanbag bed) saying he was scared she'd never get better. i had to comfort him and support him a lot, all the while trying to be optimistic and keep myself together.

she was meant to have surgery to try to remove the cancer in october 2022, but it was cancelled due to her thyroid. in early december 2022, she went to have fluids drained and i went too. a nurse told her in front of me how they wouldn't resuscitate her which wasn't... great. anyway, she had to be moved to the hospital because she wasn't draining, and a bit before christmas, she told us that she was terminal. on my last visit to her (23rd), i forced myself not to cry and as i left, i said i loved her and i'd see her on xmas.

on xmas day, she passed away. the hospital had lost our phone number, so we found out when a friend who had been with her phoned us. can't describe how surreal that day was. she was supposed to come home after the hospital stay. she told me to make her bed at home. we were going to visit her on xmas. she was going to have chemo again in january. who's going to eat all her favourite foods in my fridge? what do i do with this walking stick? her clothes? her medications? how could i have saved her? why didn't i realise she was sick and get her checked out earlier? why couldn't i have been a better daughter? why must the radio sing christmas songs about this being the most wonderful time of the year, why must people get excited for this one day when my mother died? then i had to help with the funeral, choosing her flowers, choosing what she was going to wear when she was cremated. she won't see me get married (assuming i do) or her first grandchild. it's... a lot to process.

i've had other life events happen after this. i broke up with my ex after 7 years. i was ousted from my job and got a new one. i've resumed driving lessons, even managed to get the same instructor my mother found me 10 years ago when i first tried driving and stopped. so yeah. busy.

also i have been working on a novel. my mother when she was still alive was my biggest fan, she would sit with me and we'd go through editing together. my novel has changed a lot since she was alive, as my writing has improved etc. i've recently been considering self-publishing it. which is daunting because i have the charisma of a potato but i believe in this novel and most importantly my mother believed in it, even in its early stages. but that costs money - i should be getting a pay rise from work soon, but i might open writing commissions again to help fund this as it's not cheap lmao.

soooo my fic writing has gone down because i'm usually exhausted, busy with work and irl stuff, and still recovering mentally from life events. i still need to write my last tofu week fic, which will either be a mastermind au or little sequel story to elusive/mermaid au.

i don't really talk about my personal life here, but even if no one reads this, it was therapeutic to write at least haha.

[jodiellie]

Day 6: Cleaning Day o( > ᗜ < )o ₊˚⊹♡ (18/5/2024)

Health

Water intake: 500mL

Sleep: 5:00am - 1:00pm (lord what happened-)

Daily vitamin C intake ✅

Allergy meds ✅

Couldn't exercise but I did do push myself to do some stretching before going to sleep (my whole body is sore from ytd so :'))

Link below for the stretching I did~

7 MIN STRETCHING EXERCISES BEFORE BED | FULL BODY COOL DOWN FOR RELAXATION & FLEXIBILITY

Mind

Played The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt again :3

Also started watching Chainsaw Man and the first episode already got me crying damn

Idk if I should link this but I've been binge watching Vixella's VODs. It's been a really nice way for me to stay in focus while having background noise so I don't feel alone and scared LMAO

Food

Lunch: Nasi Lemak + Teh Tarik

Dinner: Rice + fried fish + pork trotter vinegar + steam egg + stir-fried bitter gourd with roasted pork + chinese coconut chicken soup + aiyu jelly (this is all sharing with my family :>)

Snack: Sister's homemade fried potato balls with cheese and sausages + karipap

Chores/Tasks

Wipe the floor clean

Clean the dust off the furniture in my room

Wiping my mirror + doors clean

Cleaning the dusty ass fan after so long

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

Notes

I realized that every time I get better on one aspect that I'd like to improve on, I'd accidentally neglect the other LMAO but issokie, I think it's just me not getting used to the routine yet, so my brain just keep forgetting to do certain things. I'm glad I finally get to clean my room after putting it off since last semester break (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) go me!! Also I got to eat lots of good food ⪩(ᐢᗜᐢ)⪨ My body was so sore today but getting to eat good food really felt like it was worth it heh

[muirmarie]

id love to hear about #5 and/or #11 👀 -margot

tyyyy - i answered 5 (hear thoughts) here

for #11 - one bed - oh man, so the fact that the one bed fic isn't finished yet is actually a travesty - i got side-tracked with the enemy within fic and put it down, but it's sitting pretty at ~12k, and it probably needs about....4-5k more? or so? Absolutely doable! Honestly I should just sit down and finish it, BUT it's also the most explicit fic I've ever written, so I get gun-shy about it lmao

I've talked about it on the discord, but that was months ago, now: it's McKirk to McSpirk, where McCoy knows Spock is in love with Kirk, knows they'd be good together, loves Spock as well, and wants Kirk to pursue a relationship with Spock (in a poly sense, so they'd both be dating Kirk). Kirk, meanwhile, is 100% positive that Spock is into both of them, and has been trying, lo this last month, to convince McCoy that they should both pursue Spock. McCoy, not wanting to blow up his friendship with Spock, has adamantly refused.

And then, what do you know, there's a storm, McCoy gets scratched up in some bushes and twists his ankle, they end up in some lodgings, and there is, of course, drumroll, please:

Only One Bed.

This shouldn't be a big deal. But.

But Spock and Kirk are doing their absolute damnedest to OT3 this situation.

McCoy, the idiot that I love and adore, thinks this is because Spock thinks that this is the only way Spock can get into Kirk's pants. Meanwhile Spock is doing his level best to get into McCoy's pants. I'd call it consensual dubcon, because it's specifically stated out loud multiple times that if they're making McCoy uncomfortable, all he need to do is tell them Stop, but he does say a lot of variations of if you think for one second, and there's no way I'm gonna let you, and I'm going to murder you with my bare hands. Like, they are absolutely pushing his limits, but importantly, he is allowing them to do so.

Anyway this story is like.........I mean, I don't think it's necessarily all that Much when it comes to what other ppl write, but it's a LOT for me lmaooooo, so I get soooo shy about working on it, but I really should just push through.

putting a safe for tumblr snippet under the cut

______________

“Jim, why don't you take the middle,” McCoy says, looking at the bed. It's a large bed—the inhabitants of this planet tend towards relationships that involve more than two people, and the size of the bed will easily and comfortably accommodate the three of them.

At the end of the day, though, it's still just the one bed.

“Nice try, Bones,” Kirk says, flashing a smile at him, “but I'm taking the side nearest the door, like I always do, in case there's any trouble.”

“Spock could take the side closest the door, and you could take the middle,” McCoy says. “No offense Jim, but he is stronger than you.”

“I was reminded of that from how easily he carried you up the stairs,” Kirk says, still smiling. “Although I've certainly managed to carry you to bed a few times myself.”

McCoy rubs the back of his neck, dully aware that he's probably flushing.

“I don't think Mister Spock wants the gory details.”

“If the captain carrying you is what you consider a gory detail, Doctor, I'm left to worry if I've just taken unspeakable liberties with you by carrying you myself,” Spock says, that little insufferable smirk he gets twitching at the corner of his mouth.

“Don't worry, Spock, I'll tell you when we get to the unspeakable liberties stage,” Kirk laughs.

“In that case, I'll take the side nearest the wall,” Spock says, still with that insufferable smirk.

[verycharismaticdragon]

...Would it be alright to ask how the sequel to "A Transmigrator and a Time Traveler Walk Into the Bamboo House" that you mentioned in the AN is doing? If not, please ignore this ask, thank you for all of your writings, and have a lovely day!! Otherwise- it's been half a year, and I was curious if you're still working on it, or if you've shifted fandoms/stopped for one of many other valid reasons? Have you had any favorite moments that you looked/are looking forward to sharing? Any sections that you're really pleased with how they turned out?

I love your story so much!! Ahh, I'm just *still* so excited to see how the relationships develop, now that the truth is on the table!! I keep wondering whether or not Binghe will find out about his Shizun's plans to revive himself - with the System dangling the promise/reward of accessing the memory data, Shen Qingqiu might find out about it! But, would he tell Binghe? Would he think it would reassure Binghe, or make him feel like absolute *scum* - Binghe suffering so much due to his death that he turned back *time*, when he wasn't *really* dead!

And! It's only been 3 years, not 5 it took, but - did the System simulate the old reality long enough that he would have awakened?? Would he get access to any simulated memories that occurred between Luo Binghe turning back time, and him giving the System go-ahead to stop running that old world? AAHHHHHHHHHHHH

And, will we get CucumberPlane friendship??? The Binghe-Airplane friendship was *amazing*, so could they be an actual, proper group of friends????

I just keep circling back to imagining how on *Earth* Shen Qingqiu will respond to the truth and all of these revelations, once he's gotten over the initial shock and the immediate need to comfort and reassure Binghe! Once he has a chance to *think*, what knots will this man tie himself into???

...Ah, I love your story and world so much!!! I'd still be incredibly happy and satisfied if just what you've written so far existed - thank you so much for the wonderful, wonderful story!!!!!!!! Please know that it continues to live in my head-rent free, and it likely will for a *long* time to come!!

Have a wonderful day!!

It's still a thing that's happening! Just not... soon lmao. I'm currently re-reading canon slowly and thoroughly, to both sharpen my SQQ voice and to ensure I'm not missing details!

(Yes I'm still in mourning about forgetting that bit from vol.3 about LBH physically pulling SQQ out of bed during disciple days, and unknowingly contradicting it.)

(Also I gotta put it out there that it took me almost 2 years to write Transmigrator Time Traveler. With a year-long break in the middle. So I'm just hoping to write the sequel a lil faster than that.)

As for the scenes, I'm having a lot of fun with the post-realization convo, wherein SQQ is trapped between 'well im straight so im gonna turn him down' and 'cant make binghe sad!!!' (and the undercurrent of not really wanting to turn binghe down. that he refuses to acknowledge.)

Some highlights:

“And if not after three years, then maybe after five, or ten, or twenty years,” Luo Binghe continued, with a hopeful lilt Shen Qingqiu didn’t know how to smack down without feeling like a heartless villain. “If not then, then maybe in a hundred years shizun will consider giving this disciple a chance…” And thus, before Shen Qingqiu could think up a proper reply, he was blasted in the face with this enormous number Luo Binghe seamlessly threw out.

and this (context is that lbh has wheedled a 'well i guess lots of things could happen in 100 years...' out of sqq, and is trying not to be too demanding)

“This disciple has no right to ask for anything else. If shizun…” Luo Binghe, seemingly not aware he was doing so, pulled a face, “if shizun wants to… other people……” Shen Qingqiu swallowed an undignified chortle that threatened to break free. Binghe somehow managed to look both like he was a puppy left out in the rain, and like he had bitten into a particularly sour lemon. Shen Qingqiu truly couldn’t help it; the urge to tease was just too much! “What,” Shen Qingqiu asked mildly, “you aren’t gonna promise to poke out the eyes of any men that dare to look at me? Not even hang any of my exes on the palace gates..?” Luo Binghe startled out of his expression, blinking confusedly before looking up at Shen Qingqiu. “Oh, right, no palace,” Shen Qingqiu ‘remembered’. “And no exes, for my part.” After a moment, Binghe huffed out something between a laugh and an exasperated sigh. “I could get a palace, if shizun wanted one,” he said casually, almost offhandedly, as if that would require about as much effort as picking up dinner from the specific restaurant that was just a little out of the way — sure, some effort, but definitely nothing too daunting. (Binghe really was so effortlessly cool! — Shen Qingqiu couldn’t help but note.) “And shizun wouldn’t be happy if I poked someone’s eyes out on his behalf.” If it was anyone else, Shen Qingqiu would take this as a joke: like, oh, that’s the only thing that’s preventing you? But… no matter how sweet his Binghe was… he was still very much the protagonist who conquered the Endless Abyss. “Mn, please don’t do that,” Shen Qingqiu said seriously.

(me, writing this: im like dropping hints that sqq is still fundamentally comfortable with binghe despite being shook by the realization that he was being romanced!)

The first outline for this scene btw was just:

Sqq: sorry we can't be in a romantic relationship Lbh, dramatically: OK but I want to be the most important person in your life >:T Sqq, relieved: oh why didn't you just say so, okay In their thoughts, both: I don't think he understands what 'romantic relationship' means...

---

As for other things:

SQQ will not be learning about the plant body thing for a while yet. I know where I would put it, but I'm as of yet unsure if I'm going to write that instalment. For the sequel, SQQ will not get his memories unlocked until very late into the plot. Watsonian explanation is that he will not have the time to watch like 6 years of memory-TV straight, and if he asks the System to show him something, he has to at least know it happened. Doylist explanation is that he will have enough problems for me to maintain tension level even without him being fucked up about putting Binghe through his fake death :) and so I'd rather save it for a moment where it could be a major tension point of its own.

The System did not simulate the other world for long enough for "SY" to come back there, and even if it did, it would be like. a chatgpt version of SY. Plus the way i described how system's saved memories work, it'd be more like how SQQ experienced SJ's memories in the dream realm, and not as if he had actually lived the events. (And honestly SY living through coming back to find Binghe gone would be too angsty for me. I like things balanced between hurty and comforty.) (But also every time I think about how this au could be used to set up a spare SY!SQQ and I've decided against it, I imagine this:

sorry binggy)

Lastly, the cucumberplane friendship is on the menu, and so is the 1 braincell trio know-the-future club shenanigans ;D

[mosalahd]

tagged by the bestest @fewtrell

1. do you make your bed? yes, otherwise i feel like my room is messy

2. favourite number? 15, 7 and 2

rest is under the cut bc it's long <3

3. what’s your job? technically i'm employed at the royal opera house (work in the cafés/bars), but i haven't worked a shift in like 4 months and i don't want to go back there tbh :D otherwise i am but a student

4. if you could go back to school, would you? i am still in school, idk if i'd want to continue studying afterwards though. i feel kinda done? i'd mostly do it to meet people maybe. i mean i do love learning so maybe i'd do some course or something but not another full program

5. can you parallel park? no i started learning to drive but then i didn't finish lmao

6. do you think aliens are real? yeah, it's very dumb and self-centred for humans to believe that we are the only living organism in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE

7. can you drive a manual car? i can shift up to 3rd gear (that's how far i got with learning)

8. guilty pleasure? i don't have any guilty pleasures, i stand on business.

9. tattoos? i don't have any but i've wanted to get some for yeeears but also i'm not entirely sure i want something permanent on my body in that way also idk if the things i want to tattoo i'll think are stupid in like 10 years

10. favourite colour? green and orange !! 100% saturation blue has also been moving up in ranking lately

11. favourite type of music? depends on the season, and on the day, and on my mood, but according to my many spotify wrappeds i am a big sucker for alternative-rnb and conscious hip hop

12. do you like puzzles? YES. physical puzzles, sudoku, crosswords, puzzles in videogames i eat that shit up let me use my brain to solve shit

13. favourite childhood sport? played a lot of sports as a kid but maybe footy or bball

14. do you talk to yourself? to the point that i annoy myself

15. tea or coffee? dependssss sometimes i want a matcha sometimes i want a coffee yknow

16. first thing you wanted to be when growing up? i genuinely can't remember but i think ? an animator?? ?

17. what movies do you adore? ooooh moonlight, forrest gump, THE GREEN KNIGHT, the spider-verse movies, the first kingsman movie, spirited away, nope, the life of pi

tagging @pierregaslyliked @alpinegasly @gianniisantetokounmpo @crozierahegao @f1-stuff and @stellacadente as always no pressure ! <3

[elf-simp]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ू•‧̫•ू⑅)♡

Round 1

Gonna get a little obscure with this one

A nice cup of coffee. I used to be a HUGE coffee hater until like 2 years ago when I found videos done by a very convincing British man who showed me so many different ways to make it. After seeing his videos I bought a pour-over maker and a coffee grinder to try it out and my elation upon finding out coffee didn't have to be bitter sadness juice 100% of the time cannot be understated. Actually being able to pick flavor notes out of a drink I'd despised for SO long was like seeing heavens gate open LMAO. Though I do hate that I am now hopelessly dependent on it...

Sleeping on the floor. I had to get rid of my normal bed a WHILE ago now but in the process of doing that I got this like 3 inch thick memory foam "bed topper" that I've been using as a floor mattress since and my god. Not only do I actually FIT on the thing (being 6.5ft/198~cm is fun :^) ) It was the first time I'd actually had a decent nights sleep since I was like 14. I tried going back to a 'normal' framed bed a year ago and was so miserable that I got back on the floor in the middle of the night.

Mountain ranges. The raw might of the earth splitting the sky has got me actin' unwise, sorry. Like, the earth loving itself so much that it's own embrace reaches heaven... UGH... Just thinking about the time and force required for them to form has always astounded me. Also the fact that some of them are volcanoes? "Timeless" stone gods that can at any moment unleash hell? I'm so normal about mountains and I'm SO happy I live somewhere that has them.

Sunrise, though it's so rare I get to see it. I'd argue that the colors of a sunrise are better than a sunset, sorry sunset enjoyers. Watching the black of night fade into a soft and hazy amber glow and then shifting to purple as it finds it's gentle blue... Knowing the day has begun when the cold of the night fades away for the days warm embrace. Hearing nature come back after a long desolate darkness. I would chew on the sunrise if I could.

Aggron, yes the pokemon. I love you my giant steel dinosaur that eats train tracks as a baby. I love you rock polish/headsmash sweeper. I love you territorial mountain dwelling bastard. I love you hyper physical defender mega evolution.