#I'M STILL VERY ILL ABOUT THE CRAB

[transmutate]

WAS JUST INFORMED OF THE ROTB RAMPAGE CONCEPT ART I'M UNWELL

[scarlibis]

Lord Oyster is really going through it, huh

He seems to be some kind of controversial topic right now, and I think he's a really interesting case! I wanna offer my two cents

! I'm NOT seeking to apologize for or defend Lord Oyster's actions, that's not what I want to do at all. I'm gonna do my best to analyze him instead, just as someone who appreciates his character for what it is, no specific side

||| SPOILERS PRESENT & Lengthy Post

◇ The common perceptions of Lord Oyster's character

One side conceives him as this big villain who's outrageously evil (or so it seems people think of him as, with this massive hate he's getting)

The other side isn't doing much better. at all. with their 'he's an angel! how can you hate him!!' claims just because he started of this story with kindness and felt remorse after his decision that ended with terrible consequences

How about considering Loyster a morally grey character?

He absolutely isn't purely good, but in no way is he purely bad either. Abalone is the villain of this story, everything he does is at the expense of others for his own personal gain. To Abalone, everyone is expendable, everyone's a tool to be used for his own success and he will do anything to achieve his goals

Seeing people compare Loyster to Abalone, or say they're similar, is. insane, to say the least . Hell, seeing him competing with Custard for most hated npc is WILD.

Lord Oyster has done good before, if you've seen the first half of the story, it'd be very clear that he cares for White Pearl! Ever since they met, they've been bonding with each other, and even towards the end, Lord Oyster harboured no hate or ill thoughts towards her. He still considered her his moon

That doesn't redeem him, though. In the end, he still made a bad decision, remember that as well as you remember the good he's done, too. I'll touch on this again later

◇ I agree, his decision was pretty ass, but let's look into it

Honestly, there appeared to be NO positive outcome in favour of everyone. A tragedy was always set to happen eventually

Had Loyster not sold the pearl to Abalone, the pearl probably would have been taken by force instead. Abalone was willing to do anything to get it

If the pearl was stolen, House Oyster would have fallen, and the mermaids still would have suffered another attack.

Abalone was always planning to return to sea and comb it for treasures that's rake in a fortune for him, with or without that pearl. He was always going to go back and attempt an attack on the mermaids again, the pearl only makes him stronger with its abilities (Cookies won't get soggy underwater, and they'll be able to breathe)

Had the pearl been kept and remained in Loyster's possession, the House would have fallen. His goals wouldn't have been achieved, it'd be over for his entire family. No one wanted to do business with them except for the Crab family, so out of desperation, he sold the pearl to Abalone, who cunningly made a 'steal of a deal' offer

◇ The hate stems from here, I'm sure

After everything, this really is not so easy to defend when you see that Loyster, even through his stressed state of mind and the burden of his House collapsing, still weighed the options.

Yes, he chose money over White Pearl's gift that she gave with love. Desperate at best, you can understand he needed this money for his whole family, not for selfish gain. But at worst, it wasn't the smartest decision. He knew what Abalone was capable of, I don't know why he was so shocked to see them go out to sea so soon after getting the pearl.

He knew what the pearl meant to White Pearl, and it was precious to himself, too

Ultimately, he chose the needs of his family instead. Which really isn't unreasonable, those are his loved ones, of course he'd want the best for them, and Abalone's offer must have seemed opportune at that time

BUT. Once again, Loyster should have taken more time than just like a minute considering the offer. Abalone gave him a chance to think about it if he needed to, and he didn't take it

*facepalms*

◇ The regret does not redeem him, however...

He can feel sorry, he should be, but that doesn't make him all good again. That doesn't fix the consequences of his decision, the one he made all on his own.

But his love and concern for White Pearl are still there, genuinely. He realises his stupid decision is aiding Abalone and his crew in a fresh attack so soon, and decides that rather than leaving it be, he needed to find her. To rescue her.

White Pearl's rightfully disgruntled, knowing the cookie who was once her sea had betrayed her, on top of everything else going on. She denies Loyster a chance to explain himself, and it's completely understandable. She's hurt and angry, her family is suffering, and Loyster is partly to blame for it. Abalone wouldn't be out so soon had he not obtained the pearl, and his power is at its peak now with the eclipse happening simultaneously

He didn't want this to happen, and he never would have wished for it. He feels remorse for what he's done, and he tries to fix it ever so slightly by going after White Pearl. That's something! It shows he does have heart, but even so, he messed up badly. Though nothing can really change that, his effort after figuring out he screwed up shows he means to be no villain.

His decision was bad, and really stupid, that's for sure, but it didn't come from a place of hatred, or greed, or pure selfishness. You understand what I'm saying here?

The main reason I made this post at all was really because the major misconceptions really bothered me (the 'he's an absolute devil' and 'oh no he's an innocent angel' takes, to be exact, because he is certainly neither of those)

Whether your opinion changes or not after reading this is purely up to you, you could have just read this for fun and that'd still be alright with me! So, that just about wraps up all my strong thoughts on Loyster so far, hope it was interesting at least

[thedenofravenpuff]

Venting about Chronic Illness

Reaching a point where I have to face I got no excuses for feeling bad, cuz I'm literally chronically ill. And I should stop feeling guilty about not getting better.

Yeah that fucking sucks, why I often fight against the very notion. But chronic is what chronic does, and it's not the same as someone ablebodied having a slight flu for a few days.

It is a condition I'm stuck with for life.

Yeah of course I'm doing everything to get better. I have my medication and treatments and exercises, I do everything right as prescribed. I do everything to stay functional and proving it so by living on my own. Handling my own grocery shopping, cooking and cleaning.

But it takes so little to lose the fight if only for a day or just a few hours. I feel guilty for not doing MORE. I feel guilty for hesitating on invitations, I feel guilty for taking up space when needing my walker instead of my cane, I feel guilty for not being as generous with my time and energy as I once used to.

"The bad weather worsens my conditions." "Just a bit tired from yesterday's events." "Seasonal shift makes my joints ache."

And many more, all just excuses to try explain to those around me why I'm feeling like crab that particular moment, instead of facing up to the fact this is as good as it gets.

I don't NEED to make excuses for not being more healthy. I'm struggling as is just to keep it from worsening much faster.. Yet I feel compelled to do so. To not burden those around me and for myself as well. Just that tiny hope that I could get better and it's not all just a constant downhill battle.

Urgh, just needed to complain. I know I got a good life, I can still function. I can still fight. My healthcare is covered by the state, I live on a survivable disability pension. I'm just.. so tired. Feeling so spread thin and trying my best to hide it while the world already know I'm sick. Just.. trying to hide how bad it is sometimes. How little control I truly have over it, while doing everything right.

It gets frustrating.

It gets tiring.

But I'll always get back into the fight. The alternative ain't too attractive, so I ain't stopping yet. I just still got guilt and shame to work on still, that sometimes rear up their ugly heads.

Sometimes I just gotta face a few truths I try to hide from, by venting about it out loud.

Thanks for reading

[polyhexing]

「 ✦ Whirl Jr ✦ 」

Whirl's adopted daughter.

You can find her here -> @juniorcopter

verses under the cut.

Transformers Prime Verse / Main Whirl Jr verse

Height: 9 feet

Age: 8

Outlier Ability: She can summon small objects as long she can hold them in one hand. Example: Bouncy ball, Sticker, Bullet.

Godparents: Ultra Magnus/ Aunt Maggie ( @xretiredcommanderx ), Tarn / Uncle Bunny ( @xweaponizedconversationx ), Wheeljack / hasn't earned a nickname ( blog pending)

Backstory: Whirl found her alone and clinging to life in a wrecked spaceship while he was on his way to Earth. He kept her with him until he got to Earth, and tried to find a more qualified bot to take care of her. But Whirl Jr refused to leave his side. She even took a helicopter alt-mode to look more like him.

Assorted fun facts:

Has a really big sweet tooth

Favorite earth creatures are Lobsters and Crabs because they remind her of Whirl

Favorite hobby is scrapbooking. 

Made a special scrapbook for Ultra Magnus as a christmas gift so Magnus can always remember their little adventures

Thinks of all the wreckers as her aunts and uncles (Magnus, Wheeljack, and Bulkhead are her favorites)

Very protective of Whirl. Will kick you if you speak ill of her mother.

Generally a sweet and well behaved child, but she is still 100% a mini whirl. If you activate gremlin mode be prepared to suffer the consequences.

High energy chatterbox!!!!! Can and will run circles around you while she info-dumps about lobsters/crabs or her favorite movie (Jim Henson’s Labyrinth)

Favorite human is Raf because he plays roblox with her the most

Also likes Fowler because he sneaks her energon candy (source of Whirl’s one sided rivalry with Fowler??????)

Spends a lot of time with her godparents because it takes a village and Whirl needs all the help he can get

ADORES her Unlce Bunny (Tarn) and will brag about him at any opportunity

.･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ.･｡ﾟ☆ﾟ.･｡ﾟ

Idw/ Lost Light Verse

I'm still fleshing this one out

Height: 10 feet

Age: 12

No outlier ability in this verse

biology: Half transformer Half Scraplet

appearance: has one eye and claws like whirl

alt-mode: helicopter

backstory: scraplet colony that fused with transformer dna during the lost light's first quantum leap. She was adopted by Whirl after Tailgate found her rummaging through trash.

Assorted fun facts:

Momma’s girl. Will throw down for Whirl

Likes spending time with Rodimus because he tells her fun stories and lets her draw on his desk with him

Also likes Rung because he gives her energon candy

Doesn’t like Chromedome. (she thinks his shoulders are weird)

Really spoiled because she’s the only youngling on board the Lost Light at the moment 

Crew was apprehensive of her at first, because SCRAPLET COLONY, but she won them over with her googoo gaga baby charm

High energy

Prone to outbursts due to being 8 yrs old and dealing with the fact half her biology is seen as “mindless scary monster” and not being able to process it well

[binalakai-archive]

hey im kai! you can also call me roach, if you already know a kai in your life because i know how many noncis mfs are named that

im a genderfluid filipino dyke (born 2002, figure it out) with she/he/it pronouns, i occasionally post my art on @binalakarchive , where all my OCs (at least as much as i show publicly) and fandom art/cleaned up discussions go there. i also do commissions sometimes, best to contact me through that blog!! my current OC blog currently resides at @huemanonearth, it's a project i've had for a while and i hope to one day make a personal-use pitch bible with it! i treat this blog like a neverending journal. i've grown up with it, and on god am i going to use it as such.

in a perfect world where i wouldn't need to establish boundaries, i would not even bother with a post like this, but the more people i follow/that follow me come across it's somewhat necessary soooo

DNI or like. BYF if you're not gonna listen to me anyway: (warning: it's long and text heavy. tldr; don't be weird to me, communicate with me like you would with a real life person because that's what i am, and we'll get along fine)

-basic dni huge bigot (racist, TERF/transphobic, homophobic, etc etc) stuff but if i catch that onto your blog anyway when you follow me i'll block you.

-if you believe in crab-bucket-mentality/are against mental health care in general, you best keep distance, honestly. its taken a long time for me to not open my wounds and delusions constantly towards the internet if it meant being valid in my mental illnesses. i'd rather not enter that era again.

-i dont get the whole "proship and antis" culture that happens, but for both sakes of people, if you identify with any of those things you might not like my blog too much. i love being critical and analytical of "problematic things", but i'll still discuss them openly n freely. dni if you'll be offended if i diss on ships/approaches to subjects that make me uncomfortable n find comfort in being critical abt it, and dni if you'll be offended if i diss on the idea that media with triggering topics should not have an outlet period.

-if you'll be offended if i block you out of the blue, doesn't apply to close friends/mutuals i just mean with randos who post takes i dont like or cause too much stress in tags i browse.

-if you're gonna get in huge trouble over seeing dirty jokes and crass humor in public you best not follow me. i try best to tag my stuff, but last thing i wanna do is have a stern talk about it.....which is why i also am wary about people under 18 following and will be a lot more liberal on blocking younger minors for their sake or people i assume won't vibe with me period

-if your parents have access to your social media and there's a chance i'll be DM'd by any of them. i dont wanna talk to any of your parents. if you have an issue with me, i'm more than happy to talk about things directly. (ESPECIALLY FOR BUSINESS RELATED REASONS LIKE COMMISSIONS. IT'S HAPPENED A LOT ALREADY DUE TO OTHER PARTY'S FAMILY CIRCUMSTANCES I CANNOT FUCKING CONTROL. STOP IT. ITS ANNOYING AND A PAIN TO HANDLE.)

-if you get too involved with online drama/disputes. i'm not going to reblog a callout for you. if you get even slightly bothered by that statement, do not get close to me period for the sake of boosting callouts.

-if you have specific niche triggers that need to be tagged. i try to do catch alls or basic ones, but i genuinely CANNOT keep track of all my mutual's blacklists. my mind will slip and id rather not put someone in danger/i wanna keep that risk very very low

okay thankies <3 sorry these are so specific, i just wanna be insane on the internet in the safest way possible

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

🎵 Protorave

"I should let people still working in there know about this. They might be affected."

No -- It's better they don't know.

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - "You mean... Plaisance and the dicemaker? There was almost no one left when we packed up."

"No, just the dicemaker. I don't think Plaisance would survive this knowledge."

"No, just Plaisance. I don't think Neha is playing fair in this game."

"Yes, both of them deserve to know."

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - "Then go tell them." She smiles, suddenly encouraging.

New task: Inform Dicemaker about the Source of Doom New task: Inform Plaisance about the Source of Doom

Maybe we should also tell Garte? Bookstore's closed by now, though.

3. "Tiago -- under the roof -- he said he's circling the spot, like a saeraff. He seemed to have lost his mind."

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - "The crab-man... From what I've heard, his state could be reminiscent of pale over-exposure. Time-perception related illnesses, memory malfunctions, thought insertion."

SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - She's agreeing more and more. Partially because she *wants* to.

INLAND EMPIRE [Trival: Success] - And then there is you. And what happened to *your* mind. Are you not a saeraff in worship too?

4. "I think I've had this thought before. That's how I know."

KIM KITSURAGI - "An amateur-entroponetic police officer... I'd like to say I've heard stranger things, but I'm not sure. This is a hell of a guess, however. Well worded I might add..."

+1 Reputation

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - "Yes, it is *very* interesting, but I wouldn't say you *know*. This is a guess. One that's going to have to be *proved* -- by entroponetic scientists."

5. (Conclude.) "One day all the world will be like that two-millimetre hole."

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - She falls silent. The wind blows in through the hole in the stained glass window. Cold and moist.

+5 XP

Thought gained: Clearing Out the Rooms

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - "I'm going to leave that out -- but the rest... some of this I can use to *start* to explain this to the rest of the team. Maybe I'll sound mad, but..."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Ma'am, you will *certainly* sound mad."

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - She shrugs. "One more thing -- maybe a club for anodic music isn't the *worst* thing you can erect around this particular... *point in space*?"

"Perhaps not."

"Yeah, that's still insane, but then again -- so am I."

"The club is the only thing keeping this place -- and the rest of reality -- together."

"Actually, now that I think of it, maybe it's dangerous?"

EGG HEAD - "YEAAAGHHH! ONCE THE LIGHT IS ON IN THE UNIVERSE -- IT WILL NEVER GO OUT!"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Thank you, Egg Head. Let's leave it at that, shall we? We have un-entroponetic detection to perform in this district."

"I do have one mystery that still needs solving... the radio ghost in the Doomed Commercial Area's electronic doorbell."

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - "The creepy woman!" She slaps her forehead. "We were wondering about that when we worked there... but I had completely forgotten about it ever since!"

"It must be entroponetic crosstalk. The one you get in radios and long-distance calls… Now it makes sense, with the pale right on the doorstep."

+5 XP

KIM KITSURAGI - "Incredible..." the lieutenant murmurs. "This would also explain why we get it on the police radio all the time."

"Entroponetic crosstalk?"

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - "It's quite common actually. When the signal gets routed through pale, all kinds of irregularities take place. You may hear snippets of someone else's conversation, or the voice of your former lover, or an echo of an event that took place 100 years ago."

"Pale is a shroud of memories and it doesn't really distinguish to whom those memories belong to. You could hear anything."

"That makes sense. Thanks for explaining that to me."

SOONA, THE PROGRAMMER - "Anytime." She smiles.

4. "Right, I'll let you work in peace now." [Leave.]

Cold wind blows in from the broken gallery... makes your skin crawl.

CLEANING OUT THE ROOMS

Temporary research bonus: None Research time: 5h 35m

Someone's been walking around in your dreams lately, looking for something. Tidying up, rearranging. Storing away all the unrealized dreams, putting old pains in boxes. The worst nightmares have settled down for a while. A spot of light on the bedroom door after the dark. The fluttering of eyelids in the spring sun. A thought that arises, only to disappear again. And yet there's a pattern emerging…

None of the speedfreaks have anything to say about what just happened, except...

EGG HEAD - "Good morning, comrade! Yeaaaaaah!" He waves his hand in the air. "Harder core!" The words echo magnificently throughout the nave.

"Whoa, that was a crazy sound we heard before."

EGG HEAD - "Yeah! It was awesome, and scary. Very hard core!" His voice booms through the chamber, then gets silent.

"Too hard core, in fact." He brushes his hand through his hair. "I couldn't control it. At all!"

"What happened?"

EGG HEAD - "It sucks up all the air in the mix until its the only thing left! Starts compressing itself and everything around it. Completely fills up the headspace. Extreme!"

PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT [Medium: Success] - Inside your chest, the heart beats still with the after-effects of the sound. Imagine if you could harness that power... making it pulse.

"What if this is the answer to van Eyck's jam? We could use the sound for the bass…"

EGG HEAD - "Ooh. Ooh!" His puzzled face turns into a wicked grin. "But how?!"

LOGIC [Easy: Success] - What about the compressor the one with the spiky hair was setting up... to achieve some sort of *parallel processing*...

7. [Interfacing - Godly 16] The audio onslaught can be tamed. Connect the dots.

+1 Andre's compression algorithm.

INTERFACING [Godly: Failure] - *Bzoot-bzoot-bzoot* goes the track in the background, never-ending. You can't grasp what's missing. But you can try to make something up anyway.

Just make it up. No way this speedfreak can tell the difference.

Whereof one cannot speak, one ought to remain silent.

INTERFACING - You scrape the mouldy recesses of your brain for some technological sounding jargon. It'll impress the large-headed speedfreak.

CONCEPTUALIZATION [Medium: Success] - Isn't that what *real* artists do? Make it up as they go along?

"You should crank up the, uh, oscillator matrix."

"Dude, you gotta reroute the sound juice through the fluxifier!"

"I don't know the technical term, but it needs less bzoot-bzoot."

EGG HEAD - "Oscillator matrix?" The man's brow furrows with concern. "Where is that?"

"Oh, you don't *have* one? Maybe it's just top-secret cop-tech."

"It's nowhere. I just made it up."

"Here, let a pro show you how it's done." (Turn some knobs at random.)

EGG HEAD - As you fiddle with the knobs on the mixer, the young man stares with amazement...

"Cop-man can ride the knobs! SO COOL." He gives you a thumbs up.

INTERFACING - Whatever it is you did, it seems to have helped slightly. Maybe now you'll be able to make sense of it?

+1 Andre's compression algorithm. +1 Fiddled with some knobs.

7. [Interfacing - Godly 16] The audio onslaught can be tamed. Connect the dots.

INTERFACING [Godly: Failure] - Here's an idea -- say what you said before. The exact same thing! OR. Or, wait! Say something that's only marginally different! It will yield a drastically different outcome.

3. "I don't know the technical term, but it needs less *bzoot-bzoot*."

EGG HEAD - "YEEEEAAARRGGHH. PUMP OFF THE *BZOOT-BZOOT*."

INTERFACING - It's hard to say for sure, but the digital throbbing seems ever so slightly louder than before.

This one doesn't unlock the check again.

8. "Alright. Goodbye, Egg Head." [Leave.]

ANDRE - "Oh, hey, man! It's good to see you." He dances over to you in an inexplicably soft-core manner. It's embarrassing.

3. [Savoir Faire - Impossible 18] No words. Just dance.

+1 Higher quality audio. +1 Dance fever incoming. +1 Found the melody.

This check is still impossibly low, but with The Precarious World we do have a *slightly* better chance. You know, a 3/36 chance instead of 1/36.

SAVOIR FAIRE [Impossible: Failure] - You close your eyes and dream of the shapes your body should form to bring this strange music into life. For now, such ferocity of motion is beyond you...

LIMBIC SYSTEM - ...but just *imagine* the moves you could pull to this futuristic beat!

ELECTROCHEMISTRY [Easy: Success] - Puts a grin on your face just to think about it. Even a failed attempt gets the juices flowing and repairs some of the damage done by battles lost. If you up the dose and TRULY DANCE, who knows what will happen?

+1 Morale

INLAND EMPIRE [Easy: Success] - SALVATION!

4. "That's it for now." [Leave.]

ANDRE - "Goodbye, officer."

Looks like we're not making any more progress in the church until we can pass one of these checks.

We still have half an hour before we're due to meet with the Pigs, though, so let's take care of one other thing.

🎵 Disco Elysium, Pt 2

This door is closed for today. Time to put the kids to sleep.

Lilienne is still here, however.

LILIENNE, THE NET PICKER - "Aye, the sea's gonna calm down soon. I can feel it. The wind is turning southeast." She nods. "What's on your mind, officer?"

4. [Suggestion - Heroic 15] She needs to go on a date with *another* drunk. Badly.

-1 Kim's presence makes it awkward. +2 Dresscode: Man of charms.

SUGGESTION [Heroic: Failure] - Alcohol-man? That's *exactly* what she needs! Now make her see that.

3. "Since the dawn of mankind, Al-Gul has watched over the re-procreation of our species. Lay with me. Let's celebrate the Gul."

LILIENNE, THE NET PICKER - "Now there's a whole shipment of big words." She looks at you from head to toe. "May mankind be plentiful, I guess? Can I get back to my nets now?"

SUGGESTION - She doesn't even *understand* you asked her out. Perhaps you're too sober to pull it off right now? Try again later.

Ah well, we can still come back here without Kim.

5. "Be seeing you." [Leave.]

[the-firebird69]

He almost had a backed up toilet it's a nightmare at night. A lot things going on here that are wrong and it's not good we need to fix them. He needs items to help himself heal I don't listen those things wrong with the place that needs to be fixed and I'm going to list them and I want someone to Captain getting them fixed or to take pieces and to be in charge of it and to assign people to it permanently and if they can't keep doing the duty mandatory to switch out and we're going to do it and it's very aggravating but you don't have to stay on and this other duties that are a lot less aggravating but it's very educational with these people are like that held us under for a while.

I'm going to list a few things happening and we're going to move on to tonight's main events going to get rest there's a lot of things happening but we listed a lot of it already and there's a lot more but if I belt about it says it's fine one sentence each item

-they're about 550,000 people at the border again and the clearing them out same numbers same people and just way too many they got in and it was only a few ships at Port this port idea is going to save us we have noticed on 12 projects and they're making more and they need them two ports are down they want them done right away while we get the others cleared and we have a plan

-500 million people having dispatched to clear Florida of warlock and from the north and heading down here

-300 million to ships and will be here momentarily they heard about Tommy F and can't stand the stuff anymore

-2 billion troops on the way to guard the coast and they are beefing up the coast the rest of the country and they're hiring people for regular duty everywhere

-7 billion troops are going to the northern border in Florida with heavy and they're going to stop everything except for people who are permitted to come down and there's no travel at night

-800 million tanks are being deployed to Florida to stop the problem and it will cause the coast as well and tunnels will be cleared and secured

-2 trillion escort vehicles are coming down with big shifts to keep insects down and to keep the crabs away the more like ships clone ships and more and the more locker attacking the clothes and postponing the drop and we have done studies about the golf and we all agree it's too dangerous for him to sit there if he has to we will have to install immediate protection and we have meetings on it and they don't like it let's say if you have to you have to cuz we're there too and they don't want to see it happen even if Tommy f gets beat up which he will.

-several things are happening in this town right now the more luck are supposedly digging in no they're not doing anything and they're laughing at us and everybody else and that's fine but we're sick of them and it just seems really stupid people. They have this attitude It won't stop and I always say that you're nothing and you nobody and some looks at them and some sudden a while ago right to him and all I did was smile back and kind of wake and I've been doing that to him the whole time and Brad actually does it in the movie and he thinks it will Smith might be him and brads saying you're stupid to will Smith. And they've got to fight some stuff in the past and you know they're both kind of stupid so we'll just says who do You think You are saying that dumb s*** to me to the robot off stage he says I thought you were a queer or something this is not doing it again you a****** cuz you can't call me that I'm a robot since I know who you are and you're an a****** your assholes everybody I really was your illness you can't help it I can't help it sometimes too but holy s*** you people assholes he can't still look at you so f****** dumb cuz I can't stand looking at you so I ain't about like 20 minutes that goes I have a headache cuz we have to get you out of there he says no you don't I need my medicine he doesn't find some he says I have to tell you this is more like ecstasy than anything and he starts blabbing and so she can put the right did you switch it and he says no so I'll send it to start talking and they said this we're a lot of trouble and we each think we're going to win something you keep saying you're massive losers and you're in trouble you're trying to fight this rebellions where you've already won it and it will start chuckling cuz I heard him laughing he thinks it's absurd like will and Bill and their Giants and they know about that stuff since we don't even have 100 Hertz account 100 head of eagles not to mention 100 and I don't have a device to make hundred Hertz right now which would help it also he says this I don't understand what you're saying maybe Brad's crang. The laughing and stuff to make a long story short you guys are a lot of trouble and never realize it and you're annoying and you're very stupid and we have to stop you it tormenting him in US cuz you're so damn dumb and here the ratio of a warlock to back is way too high it's like 70 or 80% more lock and you lost everywhere else try to get you up to stupid universal studios you won't go there wouldn't even go to Northport supposed to take a hold of that put it somewhere Norway you go to Northport I think so he says maybe that one has to go to China.

I hv more news and then we're going to move on

Is excitable boys here are terrorists and they will be put down fairly soon and we're going to do it to this idiot next door over and over. All my life back and now you're making it worse here so I'm going to make it worse for you

We have about 1,500 people that have to go I'm running a list of putting it up I want people to take them to fruition I'm calling this assignment to go to blade runners you hunt it down until it works. And he says we're not running the middle assassins for after tech and so these people have our tech some of them and all the others have data and that's one reason why so they're going to do it it's top level of stuff the highest you think one of these guys to get computers in this tech everywhere. They said oh oh and that's what Bladerunner means by the way it'll chase you down to the end of the Earth. We're having more people now I need to get this done

Few more things he deserves respects for what he's doing he needs help with what he's doing he's on assignment I'm assigning people to help him and immediately and we have a system we're going to use it

There are 200,000 people trying to get in now and they're cutting them down and we need to know where to come from so we're starting to question people and it doesn't take long.

There are about 50,000 people that went in and the rest of them are gone and they're getting cut down I'm saying cuz they're real people of yours actually dying trying to get here like stupid idiots

Huge battles of the pits are wages huge for the roots definitely they are gigantic it is really really big up north the entire evacuation for us is gone they went into the pit and more going up there very soon

There's more news sounds a little pieces of news but it adds up. The chief of police and put the Gorda is up to be fired tomorrow and shelby. The chief of the sheriff of Charlotte county will be fired on thursday, and he deserves to be. The massive massive number of agencies will be trimmed down by Friday and we are working on two and promised that's the goal federal agencies we have limited access on the what they've been doing and we will assess what they're doing but they're part of it. Internationally agencies will have limited access but they'll still be quite large doing investigations. We're working on Port authority items because that's how most of the getting in we think and we can get closing the tunnels off or maybe them and go ahead and doing that tomorrow, there are 50 million people trying to get in via airplane everyday 25 million make it and 25 million make it out and it's ridiculous and we need to stop that where the hell are they going and coming to but making trouble so we want them to also reports of them in. There are many agencies listed that are defunct shortly and the list is not published nor is it known but you can use your imagination. We don't like your hospital people or your pharmaceutical people and we're arresting them a lot and taking stuff from them quite a bit most of it. There's a huge number of Chinese American motorcycles coming want somebody just Chinese and we renovated them a little all brand new and they're coming to Florida about 100 million and it's about 20 million come to Southwest Florida which is a lot of vehicles Southwest Florida only about 300 million vehicles and only 200 million on the road that kind of numbers every so often or every day our son's going to see a lot of them and he'll probably see the scooter shop somewhere with them in it and it's not bad. We have about 500,000 of them to head towards Charlotte county tomorrow it's a success and a breakthrough it's really nice many scooter shops are accepting them here and selling them. We want you to know that our son appreciates what you're doing but really A lot of it is extremely stressful. Giant ships are headed this way, of Mac, and from the Northeast and Northwest and they're coming here to stop people from pouring in. Huge numbers of vessels are coming down and new ones too but really it's like 20 million vessels plus about 300 huge ones and 2000 five miles. There's a huge amount of talk about Japanese bikes and the only sold about 300,000 when 20 million bikes are coming from China and really it's a matter of price we think and the answer is no it said the Chinese bikes are lighter and shorter and easier to handle in with the new motor there's still light and they are and we told them how heavy and it tested out bikes like it and sent out test bikes I'm going to send out a huge program of test bikes tomorrow all over the world and it's going to be awesome huge numbers of people who want to ride them and since are we not curious what our people might think and yeah all right well you probably won't be sitting on them for a while so it's a good idea. And there's some other items we don't like what he's doing with the kitchen cabinets because people have a slam stuff. We have about 500,000 more at the South border and it's on 10 minutes ago in the back it's a damn nightmare. Now there's going to be some changes around here and you'll see it Friday later

Thor Freya

[vanitaws]

skk fic rec list

(this is also so I can keep track of my faves)

one-shots -> anywhere between 1k and 9k words

call me selfish - banishedimmortal - 5.48k mori makes chuuya use corruption, dazai finds out and saves him and tries to convince fukuzawa to let him join the agency.

steps to happiness - setosdarkness - 1.95k dazai is a single parent with atsushi as his kid and chuuya is dtsushi's teacher. a day in the life of atsushii who has to put up with dazai trying to make chuuya his other father.

imagine being loved by me - lunarumbra - 2.85k chuuya loses his memory, including the memories of his husband, dazai.

information exchange - setosdarkness - 1.71k aku and chuuya get kidnapped by enemies who are looking for atsushi. they regret everything. -> this is more sskk ft skk but its still one of my favourite skk fics

like father, like son - outermind - 1.35k soukokou and shin soukokou live togther. kunikida finds out

a reminder of our love (is all i need) - ecchisenpai - 4.57k 18!dazai (who's in love w chuuya and not in detail) gets sent to present day yokohama and meets 22!dazai (who's in love w chuuya but is very much in denial).

like a bed of roses (there's a dozen reasons in this gun) - blueoysterkit - 7.24k hanahaki soukokou au except they both have it for each other at the same time but the other doesn't know

long-ish -> about 10k to 25k

zut alors! i have missed one! - forest_raccoon - 20.8k (not chaptered) basically little mermaid au kinda ft sskk where atsushi is a prince, aku is a mermaid prince, dazai is a cook, and chuuya is a crab but he's also arahabaki's vessel

yokohama public high school - almost as crazy as their pep rallies - blowing your mind - 20.7k (not chaptered) the student body's attempt on getting chemistry teacher dazai and coach nakahara together ft sskk as two of the students

welcome to the port agency! - lunarumbra - 17.9k (4 chapters) sskk are interns at some kinda media agency (tbh idk what it's called) and skk are they're mentors ft growing relationship sskk and established skk

right of god - setosdarkness - 24.6k (8 chapters) atsushi wakes up only to find everyone aside from aku and chuuya gone, now he must team up w them to figure out what's wrong -> this is more focused on the plot line than any relationship (not to say the relationship isn't there bc it is) but i still really like it so I'm including it

long -> 25k+

you won't lose me (so don't leave me behind) - hybridempress - 163.6k (14 chapters) dazai convinces chuuya to leave the port mafia in less than 200k words

you have a heartbeat (you're real, you're here, you're human) - mostladylikeladythateverladied - 132.4k (13 chapters) part 2 of the previous fic where chuuya is now a part of the ada and happy w dazai but a strange death make rip his future from him -> i read both these fics in the same day they're honestly amazing

bad enough for you - maristella - 28.6k (6 chapters) dazai and chuuya swap abilities and arahabki was never the same (arahabaki hates dazai more than chuuya hates arahabaki)

stars and silence (I'll share them both with you) - irelanictari, lavibookman - 46.1k (10 chapters) a legend of korra type au where dazai is a waterbender and participates in pro-bending w atsushi and aku, and chuuya is the firebender and best friends with aku but he has a massive secret

hunt me down - purplesan - 42.1k (10 chapters) dazai tries to kill himself in the forest where arahabaki (chuuya) and his followers live but chuuya wont let that happen

the act of being human - purplesan - 31.5k (10 chapters) chuuya is a robot caretaker employed by dazai's parents to look after him and care for him. dazai hates him at first but begins to like him as the story progresses -> this is a ship fic but ill say it here and it's mentioned in the authors note that there's no actual romance while dazai is a kid

pretendence - purplesan - 28.9k (11 chapters) the main focus of this one is shin soukokou rather than soukokou but its like a prequel/sequel to the fic mentioned before so ill add it - it does still include skk tho

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros: The Truth"

Poseidon: *waking up tied to a chair and a dark room* ugh ...what?....Where am I??

Zeus: *shines a very bright lamp light into Poseidon's face* Hello brother.

Poseidon: what?! What is all this? Zeus explain yourself or I'm telling MOTHER!

Hades: *comes out of the shadows* Oh she won't help you for the time being.... She is in dispose of at the moment.

*elsewhere in some random island*

Rhea: *reclined on a beach chair enjoying her tropical vacation while being serenaded by a local god who's become romantically enamored by her beauty, clearly will be in disposal for a while*

*back to the interrogation room*

Poseidon: No! I knew this was going to happen but I had no idea you both were in on it! You've come to take my position as God of the oceans, and subsequently take my wife!?! Well you can have my wife, but you will never have my patronage over the seas!

Zeus and Hades: *disappointed but not surprised at the fact Poseidon would trade his wife* .....

Hera: *busting through the door* WHY ARE ALL THE LIGHTS OUT IN HERE YOU BOYS WANT TO GO BLIND OR SOMETHING?!? *Turns on a light switch subsequently blinding everyone in the room for about 5 seconds*

Zeus: Hera! You ruined the tone of the moment!

Hera: Zeus I really don't care, anyway, Poseidon tell us the truth..... Did you have sex with Medusa?

Poseidon: ......what?

Hades: we're asking you this mostly for the sake of clarity, because the implications of you having a sexual relationship with a gorgon not only is a major infringement on the laws bestowed by us Gods millennia ago....but to put it quite frankly....it is very scandalous even for you.

Poseidon: ..........I am no snitch, not even for me.

Zeus: .... That probably sounded a lot better in your head didn't it?

Poseidon: I still stand by my comment.

Hera: ..........Demeter.....get the peppers.

Demeter: *comes in with a little plate of extremely hot peppers, stops right next to both siding, snap opens one of them and puts each open side on his nipples* I sorry brother, but for having sex with a gorgon must be punished by humiliation.

Poseidon: *trying to save face and not show any pain even though his nipples are now currently on fire* I do not care, do your worst, I'm still not explaining myself about my relationship with Medusa.

Zeus: ..... I believe I have a faster way of getting the answers

*later after Zeus has turned Poseidon into a small crab and put him in a jar, is holding a bowl of mysterious white liquid*

Poseidon: ZEUS! ZEUS LET ME OUT OF HERE! PLEASE OH GODS LET ME OUT! ILL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING!!!!

Hades: .... I must admit brother, this was a little cruel even for you.

Zeus: what? It's just watered down tartar sauce what did you think it was?

Hera, Demeter and Hades:......

Zeus: Oh come on now, you all such little faith in me?

Hera: yes.

Zeus: My dear you do not speak for everyone here.

Demeter: I don't mind it she's right.

Zeus: Demeter please.

Poseidon: okay, I will tell you everything..... Medusa and I had an affair together, but I didn't know she was a gorgon! She was in human form when I had sex with her in that temple! *starts crying, than stop on a dime* but the whole thing was completely consensual I swear.

Zeus: .... Well in that case that calls for even more humiliation considering you should have known better than to have sex with the mortal inside a temple.

Poseidon: BUT MEDUSA ISN'T A MORTAL WOMAN.

Zeus: .....well...she's not alive anymore.

Poseidon: ......fuk.

Athena: *comes into the scene of all the older gods torturing Poseidon* Father, I have those scrolls you w-*stares at everyone*

Zeus: .... Athena, my dear.... please close the door.

Athena: *closes the door but she's decided to stay*

Zeus: no no, you can leave, you don't have to be here.

Athena: If it involves Uncle Poseidon and....what ever this is .....I want to see it.

Poseidon: YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY LET THAT LITTLE BOOK MAGGOT SEE ME LIKE THIS?!?

Athena: *suddenly sitting and with a bowl of popcorn* ....

Zeus: well, looks like she's staying.

Poseidon: *feeling even more shit*

[kazoosandfannypacks]

As an aspiring Mom Friend, here's some helpful life advice, especially aimed at neurodivergents, mentally ill, and college students.

1. So this one I'm just beginning to discover, but ya know how sometimes you'll get a text and it seems harsh and snippy and rude and that'll bog you down? Try your hardest to read that text in their voice. Can you imagine them saying something in that tone irl? Or is it a phrase that's similar to the way they usually speak, but it's usually more upbeat and polite? Not everyone is out to get you, especially not your friends!

2. Do you have a habit of seeing something on Tumblr but not having the mental energy to do anything with it (watch video, reblog with witty reply, ext?) Just click "reblog" then save it to your drafts so you can access it when you do have time!

3. Cleaning your room is a Very Big Task, and you can survive in a messy room, but you can almost feel the difference between survive and thrive in a clean room. The method I've always found helpful for cleaning (because it's hard to even know where to start) is one I read in an American Girl how-to book and hasn't failed yet. Start by putting clothes in the hamper/closet/dresser/one pile specifically. Then, put all of your books on your bookshelf. Then make your bed. That's only three things to do, but it makes an unbelievable difference, and might just give you the momentum you need to keep going.

4. Good at losing things and losing track of time? Get a waterproof watch. (Mine is a timex marathon I got at Wal-Mart for, like, $20 and it has lasted about five years with no signs of slowing down.) You can wear it to bed, in the shower, doing dishes, anywhere, really. It can help you keep track of time, no matter what you're doing, and alleviate time anxiety, and if you just never have to take it off, you don't have to worry about losing it or forgetting to put it on :)

5. There is nothing wrong with eating the same meal on repeat! If you like grilled cheese and it's easy to make, make grilled cheese every afternoon! Don't throw off your habits just because other people might judge you about it.

6. Find something alive to take care of and love. You don't need to raise a family or get a dog, but, like, start small with a hamster or hermit crab or fish (make sure you do this because you want to take care of them, not because of obligation!) If you don't feel qualified, start small, with plants! Get a succulent. Make sure there's a hole in the bottom of the pot. Fill the pot with water until it starts dripping out the hole on the bottom. Repeat every three weeks. It's that easy.

7. Mug cakes are awesome, but it can be difficult to make them all the time because it involves a lot of effort and keeping eight different ingredients on hand. Instead, buy a boxed cake mix. Mix six tablespoons of cake mix with four tablespoons of water in a mug, then microwave for a minute and bam! Instant mug cake that tastes amazing and literally only costs you 20 cents!

8. One time at camp, while my older brother was running the zipline, one of the other counselors was nervous to take that first step off the first platform. From the bottom of the tower I heard him tell her "Don't think about it. Just do it!" Those words still echo in my mind when I'm anxious, especially with social anxiety. "I don't wanna text this person, what if..." Don't think about it! Just do it! "Uhhh I don't know how to bring this up or if I should bring this up because maybe he's gonna..." Don't think about it! Just do it! "Eh, maybe I can do this without asking for help. After all..." Don't think about it! Just do it! I promise you, just like you don't have to do much to zipline once you've stepped off the platform, once you start that conversation you've been dreading, it stays going!

9. On a similar note, the conversations you dread the most are some of the best conversations ever. 9/10, when I was a camp counselor and had a particularly difficult camper, I would dread having a conversation with her, but as soon as I did, I understood her on a deeper level, and the entire scenario would shift. The conversations we fear the most are some of the most important conversations we can have!

10. If you're ever stuck when looking for gift ideas for someone, look through theor pinterest boards. If you're lucky, they'll have a board of cool things/outfits they want to buy that you could get or make for them, or you might find a fandom or interest they have that you could get them something from. Also, gift cards aren't the tacky thing you may think- not only can you give them something they love, but you've also just gifted them the monky brain rush of buying something without the guilt that comes with spending money! Try to find out what stores or restaurants they like (think fun things like Barnes&Nobles or Five Below, not generic stores like Wal-Mart where they're liable to use their frivolous gift money on something responsible,) and a gift card can be something that is so personal! And if you still wanna scratch that instant gratification of having a physical present, buy them a favorite candy bar or snack to go with it (you can usually find out their favorite candy from relatives or close friends, or you can ask them, or just pick something you see them eating often.)

If y'all seem interested I'll add more tips later :)

[chronicallyuniconic]

I made this tumblr to get out thoughts, feelings, frustrations & living with chronic illnesses💭

_________

When you have a chronic illness, maybe not right away, but after some time, you are on your own.

After doctors decide that they have done all they can do, the symptoms you have will always present themselves in a variety of ways for you to navigate, and that this will happen every day, you will naturally become very lonely & isolated too.

I have fought to receive better care & lost. I rely on painkillers & smoke to mask my pain. This week has been a week, where nothing will mask my pain & it is unbearable. Not in the "balled up, screaming" way, but by heavy fatigue that's weighing me down, holding my head up feels like a huge task, forcing my eyes to stay open, I look lifeless, kind of way.

I'm full of pain that throbs so hard, I try to stay as still as possible because movement will provoke it, the pain so intense that it is all I can think about, every minute. To others I just appear in a daydream or disconnected altogether (wouldn't you be in 24/7 pain?).

The pain is so harsh, I can see it in my mind, as if there is someone in there causing it, hammering away in that ever so precise location making my leg kick, someone pinching me from the inside, like a crab trying to escape. Sometimes I can see it so much, I think I'd be able to physically cut it out. But there's nothing there to see, even on xrays. I can sit and stare at the spots causing me these pains & see that there is nothing there, I try to trick my brain to believing it "look, nothing," but it still hurts. Some days even having clothes or a blanket brush my skin feels like a plaster being slowly peeled off & rubbed with nettles.

All these pains keep me awake. Like someone constantly stopping you from nodding off. Then when your body finally gives in, you will squirm, you will turn, you will roll, you will move as needed to try and move from the pain, yet wake up with stiffness like no other after mere minutes of shut eye. You see the clock for the 6th time this week at 5am, your feet are numb for no reason and your toes tingle. That dull ache in your knee starts to bother you like toothache. You try to relieve your pain, so you get up, take pain relief, massage, balms, creams, natural oils, hot water bottles, anything to try and ease your pain so you can, now frustrated, overtired, pain filled, get some sleep. By doing this nightly ritual, every single night, for what is months now, the exhaustion follows. I know the cause of my fatigue is due to my pain. I have tried so hard, but I can't control the pain anymore, it's just getting worse, nor will anyone try to help me anymore.

This is just fibromyalgia.

Uniconic🍄

More to follow..

[maschotch]

Your tags about JJ and her 'just be happy' energy - YES. Always found it so strange that she was given 'sister committed suicide' from the CM writers wheel of tragic backstories and yet still manages to have like no empathy for people who are actively suicidal. Correct me if i'm remembering wrong but the whole thing with her sister is it's supposed to be she loved her so much and still misses her and wears her necklace to remember her - but then people who feel like her sister did, who are depressed (or otherwise mentally ill w JJ lets be real) she's just like... 💕✨don't be sad✨💕 with no attempt at compassion or understanding.

((To be fair, I think a lot (read: most) is just that the CM writers don't write very well (the hottest of takes I know) but is it really too much to ask for the slightest bit of forethought? Narrative cohesion? Could just one of them have maybe written up character profiles (lol) so they didn't end up with a complete reinterpratation of every character every fourth episode? Sorry this got off topic))

never apologize to me for getting off topic aksjdhlskjd i dont think i ever answer anybody’s question i just talk ab random shit

yeah p much everything can be attributed to bad writingTM but for me at least its boring to just leave it at that, yk? i like to come up with some sort of explanation for the dumb shit to give them a cohesive story if nothing else. and tbh i think the lack of understanding jj has for mental illness/suicide has a lot to do with the way she grew up? we know her parents didn’t talk about her sister’s suicide at all. that combined w the traditional small town values of maintaining composure and ignoring/repressing anything that threatens the reputation of a respectable young lady etc combines w the crabs-in-a-bucket desperate clawing she went through to get out of the town leads to this weird mentality that determines worth on strength—or at least ability to hide weakness. she feels this need to prove herself—both to the team and to herself—because of this weird inferiority complex she has bc she’s ashamed to feel emotions akjhdflgas

idk if im just talking out of my ass with this one, but i feel like ive got evidence kajshdl like her whole misinterpretation of hotch? she has this image of him as an uncaring uncompromised authoritative agent whose strength is that he has no weaknesses. which obviously just.. isn’t the way that he is asjdhlakg . intentionally or not, she refuses to see through his coping mechanisms and takes his stoic mask at face value. she respects him not for who he really is but for her own twisted values that she projects onto him. which is why he can never get through to her that it’s okay to lose it, that she doesn’t have to be this rigid unfeeling robot all the time. it’s the complete opposite of how she’s seen the world her whole life. she just… doesn’t believe it

i think another example is in revelations when she asks emily how come none of this affects her. we as the audience (at least on a rewatch) know that it’s bc of her past and what she’s seen and what she’s done and what specific skillsets she’s honed over the years. emily obviously can’t say anything ab that ajksld and with hotch comin up behind her cornering her with his own prying “you’ve never blinked.” jj’s question is personal, but hotch is suspicious. emily’s so focused on deflecting hotch’s perceptive inquiring that she doesn’t really notice that her response “i guess i’m just better at compartmentalizing than most people,” cuts right to the heart of jj’s insecurities when she’s already at an emotional breaking point: she’s already got survivors guilt and hasn’t had anytime to come to terms with anything that’s happened these past couple days, and now she’s overwhelmed w the idea that maybe she really cant handle this job just bc she’s struggling. she demands garcia show her the video of a brutal murder in some sick way of proving herself

unlike hotch, this isnt just a standard she holds herself to. she judges others based on this as well. again, coming from that very small town vibe of criticizing everyone and scrutinizing every move… every mistake is like a strike against god akjsdhlajs she takes it seriously. not just for her, but for everyone. so i think it’s only natural that she’d apply this to everyone she interacts with. based on these standards, there are probably very few people she respects, which is why it’s so significant when she does. probably just hotch, emily, and morgan. blake eventually. tara also. but she thinks reid is weak. especially with the way he handles his experiences with his job, but bc she thinks her value judgment is the way the world just is, it aligns with the way others treat reid, too. like this is just another job qualification they make an exception for him bc of his intellect. same thing with garcia: her specialty makes her useful, even if she’s weak. she probably thinks of gideon and luke as soft, so even if she cares about them i doubt she respects them. and if she’s willing to think like this ab her loved ones, of course she’ll also apply it to the people they come across, even victims. they’re just.. weak. if they want to change that, just be strong! just break yourself down until you're able to handle it. until then.. you're just weak.

[churchyardgrim]

this got way, way longer than i meant it to lmao so it's going behind a readmore, but the gist is: op you're absolutely correct on every front here

i work with a bitter, misanthropic guy in his 50s who's had to restart his life three times bc of poverty and addiction and abandonment, and who swears up and down that you can't trust people, that nobody cares about each other, that there's no one around worth leaning on, and by all accounts this trump-voter should loathe me

the guy declared me one of his best friends within a month of meeting me

because i listened when he talked about his life, and made sympathetic faces, and said "i'm sorry man, that's fucked up and it shouldn't have happened to you", and apparently that's the most kindness he's been shown in years.

also somehow queer rights is like. the only thing he's remotely progressive on? he might've offered to do physical harm to anyone that gives me shit for my gender, in that career criminal "i know a guy" way?? still not sure how to feel about that one

but the point is, i was gentle and nonconfrontational with him. i let him rant for an hour or two a week about this and that and his life and such, and it's been... educational, i think. this is a guy who bought into The American Dream hook line and sinker. he believes wholeheartedly that Hard Work Earns You Your Life. that nothing is free (except america), that if you work hard every day, eventually you'll be rewarded. that suffering for your work is a virtue, that "lazy people" shouldn't be enabled, that the world is full of fakers and liars and scammers and it's only honest people that feed themselves into the capitalist machine that deserve anything good in life.

he's 20 years younger than my dad and he can barely walk. he's worked himself into a disabled state, and refuses to see it as disability. because he's too proud, he says. because he doesn't want to be like those other people on disability.

he was out of work for three weeks with pneumonia, and now he's trying to make up the lost time by pulling 12 hour days in a fabrication shop. and i see how much he hates himself for not succeeding at that even once since he got back. despite still recovering from a three week illness! he thinks he should just bounce back good as new, and that his inability to do so is a personal failing!

and he talks a lot about money, he's very financially insecure. he's been working this hard all his life, working towards the promise of something he's now starting to realize is just as far out of his reach as it ever was, despite everything. he's likely never going to own a home like he wants to. he's likely never going to have a comfortable, modest retirement. he'll be lucky if he can keep working for the next three years.

and he blames all the wrong people for this, everyone who's in the same crab bucket as him, and i really don't think i have much of a shot at changing 50 years of ingrown, festering resentment and anger, but,

i can see where the crowbar would fit. i can see the leverage.

if i wanted to, if i was willing to put my back into involving myself in this guy's life and his health, i could turn that despair around to point at the people actually responsible for it. i could show him how everyone he despises for being "lazy" is just doing their best same as him, and maybe i could show him that the inability to work isn't the sin he thinks it is.

already i've got him thinking about some things! he was going on and on about how trump did the country a million favors, and i was all quiet and listening and then i pointed out that trump actually made a lot of places actively unsafe for me, a visibly queer person, to exist in. and he actually stopped and thought about that. he said he hadn't considered it that way before, that was a new perspective for him.

i don't know how much effect that'll have. i don't know how realistic it is to try to change the mind of a guy like that through a few conversations a week where it's mostly just him traumadumping on the first friendly ear he's had. but at the very least it's a good opportunity to see how the mind of someone like that works, and it's good practice for me in listening and nodding and then saying something that they'll actually listen to in a constructive way.

look. rhetoric that works leverages itself off beliefs that the LISTENER holds, not yours. like how americans believe that they’re in a democracy and they believe they believe in freedom. they believe that their country stands for democracy. you can use their beliefs in your argument even if you don’t share them.

you are operating within the bounds of their ignorance and building a bridge outward. you cannot unpack every single myth about the US and its geopolitical crimes in a conversation. what you can do is persuade someone that they’re looking at a civil rights issue by leveraging their existing understanding of civil rights issues.

unpacking all the bullshit they believe about civil rights movements is also a different and much longer project. you can’t tackle everything at once and the way that WE (online leftists) talk about issues relies on these understandings. just like. try for a second to remember what it was like before you knew a single goddamn thing about anything and you were 100% operating on the unthinking assumption that america flag equals freedom.

if they get far enough that they look at this rhetoric and think “SO MANY INACCURACIES!” GOOD! GOOD! that means they took more steps beyond the first, beyond the simplified rhetorical arguments that made them LOOK in the first place.

[symptoms-syndrome]

Bitching

NGL I am SO sick of the online chronic illness/spoonie community. For like, a huge list of reasons. Ofc there's the like. General...white woman-ness of it all, and to be honest I do think that's something that effects a lot of the other parts I don't care for. I have a little. Essay about that, but I haven't posted it. It feels hard to explain what's commonly referred to as "white woman syndrome" in a way that's sensitive to people reading who may themselves be white women or white women adjacent.

But IDK I think lately it just feels like. So much of people talking online about chronic illness has this sort of? Almost accusatory tone, or exclusivity, or olympics, it's hard to describe but this idea that everyone who isn't visibly disabled is Out To Get Us and intentionally getting in your way and fucking you over. And like, yeah, that does happen. But it's also just...exhausting, I guess. The standards are set so high it's impossible to reach Total Accessibility and people are seriously dicks about it sometimes. Sometimes you just can't participate in everything and it sucks but that's just how it is. Esp like. Smaller events. Sorry I can't guarantee that this picnic in a flower garden is going to be "scent free" because it's in a flower garden. Flowers smell sometimes, plus it's outdoors, plus it's a picnic. Sorry you can't come! But that's not my problem.

And also like. I hate the hopelessness of a lot of it. I can understand it, I was there, I still am there to a degree. My disability (or disabilities) isn't ever going to go away. But my disability has gotten better, more manageable. I'm able to walk! I'm able to hold down a job! I can do stairs! And it just kinda feels like...I don't have a place in the disability community (if it can be called that) anymore. It feels like a crabs in a bucket situation, almost. And it's not even the "I'm not disabled enough" thing, because that's not the issue really. I guess it's my mindset or the way I view my disability/ies. It just kinda feels like...if you're not hopeless and resigned to staying in your home all day every day and putting up with shitty doctors (which, don't even get me started on the self sabotage of the way people talk about the medical system/doctors/treatments/etc. I understand it's awful, but people really do shoot themselves in the foot sometimes) you've got ~internalized ableism~ and are just not liberated enough or whatever. It feels like I can't talk about the very complex relationship I have with my disability because there's only one narrative allowed, and that narrative doesn't include any degree of recovery. Recovery feels like it's treated as some sort of ableist myth.

I guess I'm thinking about it because I honestly am struggling with recovery and how my life has changed because of it. How do I explain that my pain was real, my disability was real, I really did need the accommodations I said I did, I just don't anymore? While also dealing with the idea that this recovery may be temporary and I really won't know? Despite me being able to live a mostly normal, abled life as of now, my lapse in medication really showed me that I can go back to my former state or worse at the drop of a hat.

[namparktae]

Kim Namjoon

𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬 & 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐒𝐞𝐱ᵏⁿʲ

You woke up huddled in your warm blanket on a cold Saturday morning. The sun shone through the slits of your blinds, reflecting onto your face. The smell of breakfast and coffee wafted upstairs. That must be jin cooking, you thought. You decided to get out of bed and help him cook this mornings breakfast for you and the boys so you pulled on your sweatpants and began walking down the stairs of your home.

Currently you're at university studying criminology and psychology, so you live with 3 men in a large house share. At first it was very inconvenient that you're living with 3 males, and you did complain to the principal but all other dorms for girls were full, and the university wasn't very strict on separation between males and females. Soon enough you got used to the 3 boys and managed to live around them. They treated you well, always looking out for you and helping you when you needed it.

You lived with Kim Seokjin, Kim Taehyung and Kim Namjoon. All three of them were absolute heartthrobs and they had girls swooning over them as soon as they stepped foot onto campus yet none of them were remotely interested in relationships or even hooking up with girls in general.

As you reached the bottom step you see Namjoon peering through the door frame at you. His tall figure was stood by the stove as you discovered he was cooking.

Oh no. The one thing Kim Namjoon was hopeless at.

He was very clumsy, the boys even started calling him 'the god of destruction' as he would literally break everything, so cooking was a slight danger.

He turned his head away from the stove as he spoke to you.

"Morning y/n, the others are at class already. Do you want any breakfast?"

"God namjoon are you sure this is going to go well? Jin doesn't ever let you cook."

"Yeah sure. It's fine, I'm nearly done anyway. Do you want some?"

"Yes please. Okay come, I'll help."

You stood next to him holding the handle of the spatula as you helped him flip the eggs over, his scent was strong and he smelled like fresh washed clothes with a hint of aftershave. His hair was in messy brown curtains and his baggy jogging bottoms were hanging loosely from his hips to his ankles.

You couldn't lie he looked like a total boyfriend, he was smiling too with his cute dimple showing on his left cheek as he watched your every move.

"Umm it's gonna burn y/n." He said while looking into your eyes with a slight smug grin on his face as he realise you was eyeing him.

"Ohh... uh yeah."

"And I thought I was supposed to be the clumsy one..."

He turned to you and cupped your face with one hand as he looked into your eyes. "Tell me why you was staring y/n." The smile on his face was from ear to ear, you couldn't help but to smile back at him.

"You just look cute, Joonie." You replied, making him blush as you both returned full attention to the stove.

He dished up his food onto a plate and made sure you had some too, soon after you cleared your plate you stood up from your seat and headed to the shower when suddenly Namjoon grabbed your wrist so you would turn to face him. His tall body towered over you as he lent down and placed a soft kiss on your cheek before he spoke.

"Thank you for helping me cook breakfast y/n. Do you have any plans for today?"

"Uhm no, just was gonna go shower that's all." You shyly replied. He had put you on the spot with the kiss on the cheek, your skin burned from his soft gesture.

"How about you let me come join you?"

What? Was he serious right now? That sweet Joon that just gently thanked you for your help was now suggesting you shower together? You thought it must have been a joke.

"Ha yeah. Very funny Joon, I'll come see you after. You can show me that video about those crabs you told me about the other day." You said as you wandered off down the hallway. Almost instantly his hands wrapped around your waist as he span you around to face him, looking deeply into your eyes.

"No. Y/n I wasn't joking, seriously let me join you ill make it fun." His lips turned into a slight curve as his dimple poked out of his cheek again.

Taken back by his seriousness, you observed his face with wide eyes. His face looked somehow innocent but the words coming from his mouth suggested otherwise. His warm hands slightly ran against your exposed skin on your hip from where your pyjama top had risen.

"Uhh-um o-okay." You managed to squeak out as his soft smirk turned into a full grin and his fingers laced together with yours, he pulled you into the bathroom, quickly locking the door.

He helped undress you, pulling your top over your head and pulling down his own joggers while you left yourself in your underwear.

"Y/n you're so beautiful, come here ."

He signalled for you to jump into his arms so you did as he wanted, his strong arms held you with his hands roughly gripping your ass as your legs wrapped around his waist. You lent down slightly to connect your lips to his, pushing your tongue inside his mouth as he returned your actions. He sat you down onto the cold sink counter as his hands roamed around your thighs, caressing your skin and looping his finger around the waistband of your panties and pulled them down your legs.

With your pussy now exposed, the cold air hit your heat making it wetter now by the double. Roughly, Namjoon pushed his finger into your hole as you moaned out for him, pulling him closer to kiss him more passionately as you grabbed him by the back of his neck.

"How many of my fingers do you think you can take baby?"

"Mmm Joonie one more, put one more in please Joon—." You trailed off as he looked you dead in the eye as he slid another finger into your tight hole, curving his fingers inside you and pleasuring your sweet spot. His pace quickened and your moans got louder, the knot in your stomach threatening to unravel. Soon after he removed his fingers and sucked them, savouring your juices on his tongue as you whimpered from your loss of orgasm.

"Not yet baby, don't cum just yet. Please wait for me okay?"

He was so assertive yet still so sweet and kind, your mind was running away with hundreds of thoughts about Namjoon right now and your heart was racing due to his sweet touches. You watched as he removed his shirt and was left in just his boxers.

God he was beautiful naked. You never imagined him like this, being all dominant and assertive, and especially not with you.

"Like what you see hm? You keep staring y/n, I'll have to give you something to stare at."

His eyes glimmered as he watched you eye his bulge in those tight boxers, there was a small wet patch of pre cum on the front, and you was aching to touch it for him. The clasps of your bra were undone by his big hands that crawled around your back as he pulled the straps from your arms and threw it across the bathroom.

"Fuck look at you. You know how tempting you are right? Wearing those skimpy shorts for bed most nights and those tiny tops that show just how big your boobs are...." He trailed off as his lips connected with your neck, sucking harshly. Pulling away, he admired the mark he'd made against your soft skin by kissing it gently and continued speaking.

"Everytime you'd be around y/n, Id get so shy. But now I need you to know how you make me feel."

He took your hand into his and made it tighten around his clothed growing cock.

"This is how you make me feel y/n. You make me something and I need you to fix it baby. Let me make you feel good."

You just couldn't take your eyes off of him as he stood between your legs, his hands were on your waist and his lips were pressing soft kisses to your collar bone. Your hands traveled to the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down painfully slow. His large cock sprung up and hit just below his belly button, dripping pre cum at the tip making your pussy wetter just at the sight of it.

Joon helped you off of the counter while you admired his naked, sculpted body you walked into the shower to turn it on. He stood behind you with his arms around your waist before spinning you around to face him. He kissed your lips so passionately as he cupped your face, pushing you against the tiled wall as his tongue entered your mouth. Both of your bodies collided, feeling the warmth of each other's skin as you were submerged by the hot water.

A loud slam was heard from downstairs, startling both of you. Joon pulled away from your lips, panting as he tried to regain his breath.

"Fuck darling, Jin or Tae are home."

You could hear the sadness in his voice as he spoke. Edging back closer to him, you wrapped your arms around his neck and lent up to whisper in his ear.

"Well then we just need to be quiet don't we?" A smug look displayed across your face as his eyes stayed fixed on you. Namjoon pulled you closer to him again, unintentionally pressing his rock hard cock against your pelvis as he kissed your forehead sweetly.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? Can I make you feel good?" He asked so politely you just wanted to scream out and beg for him right away.

"I'm sure. I want you Joonie."

Namjoon pressed your back lightly against the wall as the two of you stood under the running water, positioning himself at your entrance as he slowly pushed himself inside you, allowing you to adjust to the size of his thick cock. "F-Fuck... You can move now baby." You managed to squeak out from below him. He did as you said and began thrusting his hips harshly into your core with his hand covering your mouth to prevent whoever downstairs from hearing the sounds you were making.

"God y/n, you're taking me well aren't you baby? You like this, being fucked up our bathroom wall?" He whispered in your ear while you nodded for him.

Your breathing began to get heavier as his thrusts got faster, he grunted for you while uttering your name repeatedly. You bit your bottom lip between your teeth to keep your moans in but it didn't work. Your moans escaped your lips quickly as he quietened you with a kiss, letting you groan into his mouth while letting out a painfully sexy grunt as he squeezed his eyes shut in bliss, feeling your pussy clench around him.

"Joonie... Mmh I'm so close..." You softly moaned out for him

"Cum y/n. Cum for me like a good baby girl."

With your orgasm just around the corner, you spread your legs slightly just for him to hit your spot a little deeper than before, you arch your back against the wall as you feel yourself start to cum, Namjoons pace looses rhythm as you feel him getting close himself. Your legs shake and begin to weaken as you pull his neck down to kiss his lips roughly as he allows himself to release inside of you. Groaning and moaning as he spilled his cum into your tight pussy.

"Y/n my baby you feel so good."

He praised you while cupping your face once again. You blushed under his touch, smiling up at him as he held you firmly by your shoulders, giving you a cuddle. You turned your back to him as you began to wash yourself with his help of course, he just couldn't keep his hands off of you, or his lips for that matter.

After the two of you had dried off together in Joons room, you completely forgot about someone entering the house earlier. Now fully clothed, Namjoon pulled you into his chest as he pecked your lips gently.

"You're so gorgeous, baby."

"And you're even more gorgeous my Joonie."

You two kissed again as he held you by your waist, pulling you closer to his tall frame. Yet this time being interrupted by a certain someone who just got home, peeking around Joons door.

"Boo!- oh god... SEOKJINNN-HYUNG.... Namjoonie-hyung and y/n are kissing!"

"Leave them alone Taehyung!" Jin said, racing upstairs to pull tae by the back of his tshirt. "He's wanted her for months! And by what I heard earlier, he finally did something about it." The two of you heard jin say smugly as he dragged tae down the stairs, followed by the two of them laughing.

You looked up at Namjoon with wide-eyes. Jin heard the two of you having shower sex. He heard the whole thing. You immediately got embarrassed and hid your face in his chest as he chuckled and rubbed your back as he spoke.

"Oh gosh. I'm gonna kill the two of them baby girl don't worry."

Unedited

2.3k words

This story was a lot longer! I hope you enjoy it babiesss🤍

Masterlist

Wattpad- Namparktae for more one shots

[zephycluster]

Precolonial HWS SEA Rant Post, feel free to ignore

If you're still reading, then you're probably looking for evidence or some juicy tidbits to throw back at me or to try and find dirt to cancel me, like typical Tumblr/Twitter. Go ahead, I don't really care.

First off, let me just say that If you like Precolonial South-East Asia AUs, feel free to keep enjoying them. I will respectfully support your passions from afar. This post is just to explain why I don't like it, especially the way they keep insisting/portraying PH in it.

Still here? Then let me begin.

Since the recent confirmation that the ASEAN Six Majors (Can't really say ASEAN 10 atm since it's still missing some people) Were completed and the Ma-Phil-Indo Trio was included, there has been a large surge in 'Precolonial' fanarts and portrayals of South East Asians, those three especially.

Even long, long before, circa 2010's ish, a rather well-known fan universe known as 'Maaf' dealt with their story and how their Author thought their intertwined histories went. Written by (my best guesstimate) an Indonesian writer who wants to explore the old, SEA bond.

When I first stumbled across Maaf (I was in Highschool at the time, around age 16-ish), I took a casual interest in it and tried to read it through. But, I will wholeheartedly admit that at the time, Pre-Colonial cultures of South-East Asia in general, let alone Philippine, did not really interest me that much. The focus (I think) was mostly on Indonesia, a country I didn't really know back then, and the liberal use of 'ancient' names and artwork just made it feel like an entirely Original Work (that needed a degree in History to really appreciate) and not something from Hetalia. I also completely disagreed with what I could gather was the story's portrayal of PH but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Do I hate 'Maaf'? No, I don't hate it. Do I wish I never came across it or that it didn't exist? Of course not. Just because I didn't enjoy it or appreciate it that well doesn't mean I wish any ill toward it, its fans, or its creator.

Fast forward to April 2021, the long awaited inclusion of South East Asia to the canon Hetalia verse. I was happy, the other fans were happy, all was good.

Then started the questionable fanarts, fan theories and fan pairings.

Especially the expansion of Precolonial! PH.

Let's go back to Maaf for one moment. From what I understood of Maaf, PH there was a character who once was like all the other South East Asian cultures, trading with them, all around being a nice family.

But all that changed when the Spaniards attacked, so cry the precolonial buffs. They destroyed everything, ransacked and marginalized the tribes, erased everything that PH was!

Did that happen? ABSOLUTELY. The Spaniards had this vision in mind that they must spread Christianity to all of the 'savage, unchristian heathens' of their realm. :V /s

But back up a second, back to PH's portrayal in Maaf. The way she (yeah, she) was portrayed there was that she was slowly losing her memories of being a 'true' South East Asian and grew more and more westernized in the process, like some sort of Culture-specific Alzheimer's or something.

Firstly, that is seriously depressing, and secondly, I just really don't see that happening.

Here's why.

Point 1: Even before Colonial Masters, Filipinos as a people cannot agree on anything.

I'll just begin this segment with a Philippine proverb that outlines what Filipinos call 'Crab Mentality' or 'Crab Bucket Mentality'.

"You don't need a lid for a container when you're keeping multiple crabs. If you keep at least two crabs together, they will just pull each other down instead of helping each other up."

I don't know how it goes with Indonesian or Malaysian history class, but what I know of my homeland, both pre- and post-colonial history, we were never really 'united' or 'together' in the sense that Indonesia and Malaysia were (from what I assume).

Let me pull up a somewhat related question on r/AskHistorians.

The reason I brought this up as it shows the reasons why, in my opinion, a single entity that is 'Precolonial Philippines-tan' is an impossibility.

The answers are long and would extend this already long post to stupid proportions, so I'll just quote relevant sentences. The link is here for those that wanna deep-dive into the answer.

"All this to say that there wasn't a name used for the entire Philippine islands before the Philippines that people now would agree to. An interesting comparison would be the Holy Roman Empire, which might also be characterized as disparate politico-geographic groups of relatively small size that had a history of relations between each other, but one thing they had that the Philippines did not was a common language, or at least a family of mostly mutually intelligible languages, so that the name Deutschland or Germany isn't terribly offensive to anyone. If you called the Philippines the 'Lupang-Tagalog' or even 'Lupang-Tao' the other ethnic groups would protest."

For those in need of translation, 'Lupang Tagalog' means 'Land of the Tagalogs' and 'Lupang Tao' means 'Land of People', specifically. The first one is already exclusive and offensive, as the Tagalog peoples are but one of many ethnicities here.

And for the 'Lupang Tagalog' suggestion specifically, it's even more offensive as they are the majority ethnicity (not by much, just around 28%) From this chart from Geography Now! It would basically be alienating everyone else in the 72% remainder that isn't 'Tagalog'.

And even 'Lupang Tao', the most generic name in a local language you can think of, would be met with contempt because the name itself is in the Tagalog language.

Just travelling between two individual island groups today would sometimes require a translator because the words can change very rapidly and very drastically. Here's a sample of some differences coming from a friend living in Visayas (in Red) vs. the words I know living in Luzon (In blue).

Ate vs. Manang = Older Sister

Ibon vs. Pispis = Bird

Tumawa vs. Kadlaw = To laugh

Takot vs. Hadlok = Fear

Kain vs. Kaon = To eat

Ngayon vs. Subong = Now, at this point in time

Iyak vs. Hibi/Gibi = to cry

Talampakan vs. Tiil = Foot (in Tagalog, the word retains its 'body part AND unit of measurement' meaning)

Tulog vs. Tuyo = to sleep (Tuyo in Tagalog is either a dried salted fish or 'to dry')

The kicker is that just like Tagalog is just one of many languages here, so too is the language my friend speaks. Ask an entirely new person, like someone from Mindanao, they'll probably have an entirely new set of words.

It's not just Luzon vs. Visayas vs. Mindanao, either. Here's a map listing some of the ethnic groups here.

Even the way they're written differs from location to location.

While we're on the subject of Island divisions, a casual skim across Twitter and Tumblr has shown that their Precolonial PH has been one of the following ancient civilizations: Tondo, Butuan, Sugbu, Namayan. There may have been others but that was what I have found.

Notice how even today, the posters of Precolonial PH can't seem to agree on what he's supposed to be? With Indonesia it's either Majapahit or Srivijaya and Malaysia it's usually Malacca iirc.

What is the big deal? Well, let's go back to the Ask Historians post. "Why didn't the Philippines ever change its name to remove the colonial mark that being named after a Spanish King has?" The answer: "If you suggested something dating to precolonial times, the other ethnic groups would protest."

Since we're on a roll with maps, let me bring this up.

As you can see, the precolonial PH posts have a reason to not be able to agree on one thing, as there is a LOT of options. Do you also see how THAT list is also split up?

It's split up into those aligned with China (Sinified), aligned with India (Indianized), aligned with the Middle East (Islamicized), and no alignment (Animist). Now, let's go back to the main suggestions for which Kingdom/Polity/Civilization/whatever Modern Philippines used to be.

If the Filipino peoples' couldn't agree on something as simple as WHAT TO CALL THE LAND THEY'RE LIVING ON, what more a living, breathing, walking, talking entity that is supposed to be a beacon of all of their 'unified' culture? ESPECIALLY if that entity used to be a currently existing Kingdom/Polity/Rajahnate/Sultanate/whatever.

Tondo? "Of course, always the damn Tagalogs. Tagalog this, Tagalog that. First the capital city, then the language,* THE REST OF US EXIST, YOU KNOW! What about us in Visayas? Mindanao?"

*The national language known as 'Filipino' is just standardized Tagalog*

Butuan? "Wait, you want Butuan to represent us? They're they only Indian-aligned city in the Islam-majority Mindanao! They're not even that many of them! I'm not gonna change my religion!"

Sugbu, the other name for the Rajahnate of Cebu on the map? Lemme bring back my Visayan friend again. According to her, she hails from the Hiligaynon part of Visayas.

"Sure :v and the other islands are what?

Chopped liver?

Not to mention the language and writing barrier helloooo"

And Namayan? Well. I'll let this pic speak for itself.

To summarize, no matter who you pick as Modern PH's previous identity, it will not end well nor be accepted by the other Kingdoms at the time.

"So where does that leave Modern PH, he had to have been ONE of them, right?"

Well, not really. He doesn't HAVE to be one of the Ancient Kingdoms that lasted till the modern day. I mean, predecessor representatives exist in Hetalia canon, after all. Like Modern Greece is a different character from Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt and Modern Egypt, heck even England and his brothers have a canon mother that was the rep before them.

Or you could even use the same logic that Germany does, in that each specific region has/had its own representative and that Modern!PH is just the 'mediator' between them (cause gawd does PH need one). There could be a Tondo, a Namayan, a Butuan, and a Sugbu, all arguing and this Proto-PH is just trying to make headway in making them all satisfied.

But, even after all this, there is another reason why I personally don't subscribe to the 'Precolonial PH' idea, and by tangential extension, the Indo x Phil pairing.

Point 2: Even without intending to, Precolonial Indo x Phil just comes off as patronizing

This second point is just ENTIRELY personal preference and barely has any facts to back it up.

Again, if you like the pairing and disagree with me, You do you. I will respectfully support you and your passions from a distance.

But for me, Indo being Phil's seme/bae/boyfriend and consistently bringing up precolonial times just comes off as patronizing.

Just one more time, I'd like to point out that I am NOT bashing Indonesia, its people or the subscribers of Indo x Phil. This is just how the pairing feels to ME specifically.

The way I see it, Indo x Phil as a pairing, especially if it extends back into precolonial times, reads the same way as a long-since married couple where the husband/wife CONSTANTLY brings up that ONE outing you had together, or that ONE prom night where you kissed while dancing, even it happened like 30 some-odd years ago and so much more happened since then.

Even in a platonic sense, It reads like two besties where one ALWAYS mentions stuff like 'Yeah but you looked so much cooler back in High School' or 'Back in Grade School you would've known that', or 'Remember back in Pre-school we did X? How could you forget that?'

How does one respond to the notion that no matter what you do now, it will never compare to a past you've already forgotten or barely remember? That the best version of 'you' is already long gone?

"That's because the westerners made you forget your culture! You gotta take it back!"

While it is true, yes, as a collective we barely remember the Kingdom that commissioned the Laguna Copperplate, or created the Banaue Rice Terraces, or created the millennia old bonds that we still share with Indonesia and Malaysia.

But to keep pushing the precolonial identity would be to neglect and cast aside the one REAL binding belief and culture that spans the entirety of these islands we call the Philippines.

We take on all the bad stuff that happens to us, conquer it, and make it our own. Be it natural disasters, foreign powers, or negative stereotypical mentalities.

Yes, we've forgotten the ancient kingdoms of old and are just now digging through the closet for those remnants of the past. Yes, the colonizers imposed that on us, and made us forget. But in the process we've also taken everything that they left behind, everything that they threw at us, and created something that can only come from us.

The lanterns that the Spaniards used to light the way to the morning masses they made us attend became our globally known symbol of Christmas. The junked vehicles that the Americans left behind in World War 2 are now rolling works of art that announce themselves loud and proud on the streets (for better or for worse). The iced dessert recipe that the Japanese forced us to learn while they were occupying the country is now so distinct and famous it is synonymous with us, and is so delicious even Italy has taken notice.

Even after all this? Even after all the 425-ish years total we have been under a foreign power, with all the progress we've made as a country, a people, and a nation, you would still imply our fragmented, jigsaw puzzle state of being in the past was better just because it was pure 'South East Asian' like everyone else?

We might not be as well put-together as Indonesia or Malaysia, but we made this melting pot of angry, leg-pulling, dogpiling, Native, Mestizo, Chinoy, and Fil-Am crabs OURS, damnit!

It's now 4:30 AM and I have work in 5 or so hours. I'll be going to sleep now.