churchyardgrim

[churchyardgrim]

Essential genres of British comedy:

Boring man grapples with absurd circumstances

Boring man is unaware of the absurdity of his circumstances

Boring man becomes aware of the absurdity of his circumstances

Boring man is aware of, but does not acknowledge, the absurdity of his circumstances

Boring man's peers fail to acknowledge the absurdity of his circumstances

Boring man hyper-focuses on seemingly insignificant detail of absurd circumstances

Boring man inappropriately reacts as though mundane circumstances are absurd

Boring man's mundane faux pas provokes absurd reaction

Farts, the great equaliser

[churchyardgrim]

I’m visiting my friend right now in her 18th century home she’s restoring where the lights don’t work in one part of the house, creeping to the bathroom like some sort of haunt, feeling for the walls with rising dread, utterly lost in the perfect darkness, like Jonathan Harker in Dracula’s castle, if Jonathan Harker were the sort of person to trip and stand there cringing in the night as his can of trader joe’s sparkling rhubarb-strawberry juice bangs all the way down the oaken staircase, one step at a time, the cacophony of a freight train, and then proceed to practically crawl through the remaining dark to the bathroom for a washcloth, to wipe up the trader joe’s sparkling rhubarb-strawberry juice before it can soak into the wood floor, with the fevered terror of lady macbeth hallucinating blood on her hands

[churchyardgrim]

"a colony of maggots building a fox through careful effort". on substack now please like and subscribe

[churchyardgrim]

Ya’ll remember my alien ant ocs?

Have some Alphonze and Glenn relaxing with Lucky

[churchyardgrim]

The 81 bus to Jefferson Park took so long that many of the people waiting at the bus stop started doing subsistence agriculture and crude pottery

[churchyardgrim]

(x)

[churchyardgrim]

peace and love on Earth..

[churchyardgrim]

idk it hasn't fixed me or anything but I decided to appreciate pigeons and now I get excited when I see one with cool colouring, I randomly started referring to "my beautiful girlfriend the moon" so now I consciously look for the moon and it makes me happy to see it, I look at clouds and lights and toddlers in silly outfits and stickers on lamp posts and it does make me feel good and like I am a part of the world around me and like there is something fun or beautiful just around the corner at all times

[churchyardgrim]

the modern specimen of a coelacanth that revealed they were not extinct was allegedly found by marjorie courtenay-latimer on dec 22nd, which may be timely for fishmas

By Fod, you're right ... we thought she was dead but she came back ...

[churchyardgrim]

Gendered parenting is so weird. As a little kid I was a total daddy's girl, I was told I would always try to sneak into the garage, I was always very interested in everything he was doing and would follow him around while he was working, but while my family was never the type to outright say "you can't do that because you're a girl", they simply didn't entertain the idea that I could possibly be interested in cars. Then when my little brother was born, it was just assumed he would become a mechanic like our dad because he was a boy. Even though he, unlike me, didn't like being in the garage much and wasn't all that interested in what dad was doing. Once he got to a certain age, dad started making him help and would drag him away from his actual interests for it, which lead to a lot of arguing and not much actual learning.

Gendered expectations sort of create doubles of children. There's the real child with their actual personality, interests and behaviors, and then there's the Gender Child.

My real brother hated soccer and team sports. The Gender Child that existed only the minds of the adults in his life needed to play soccer because that's what a Boy Child does.

Growing up, I always felt like adults didn't actually know me as a person and they weren't interested in getting to know me. Because they felt they'd already learned everything there was to know about me when they were told "it's a girl".

When I talk about how I never got gifts I actually liked from my relatives (to this day I still don't like getting gifts that aren't something I picked out myself), it isn't actually about the gifts themselves. I don't even remember them. What I do remember is the feeling of being given gifts that were seemingly not bought with the real me in mind. They were for the Girl Child™️ version of me. The me that adults wanted me to be, not who I actually was.

[churchyardgrim]

I'm so pissed right now. I know that fabric has been declining in quality for a while but I just bought new pajamas from kmart and they are literally see through. Not just through one layer of fabric either; I can see through the leg, that is, through 2 layers of fabric. These aren't clothes. I am not exaggerating when I say that I have strained soup through cheesecloth thicker than these pants. These are men's flannel pajamas, the kind people wear in winter, and they are made if shittier thinner fabric than even the most bargain bin bullshit halloween costumes. This "flannel" feels like plastic and is thinner than a chux wipe. Why is this even for sale.

[churchyardgrim]

god not to get into the discourse but like. we gotta discuss the dialectics of Getting Attention For Art. Two things can be true simultaneously.

1. it is TOTALLY NORMAL AND EXPECTED to really want people to give your art attention/notes/love/care. That is a deeply fulfilling and necessary part of the process of creating art.

2. You are not entitled to attention/notes/love/care just because the art exists, and you HAVE to find a way to drive yourself to keep creating in the absence of those things.

Maybe people aren't paying attention because your art is not good. Maybe they're not paying attention because your marketing is not good. Maybe it's just not the right timing Maybe it just got lost in the vast morass of internet content. The only way to fix these things is to persist in creation and improve in the process.

We can discuss the role of the audience in helping art thrive, but I think it's more useful to focus on your own contributions. Are you leaving detailed enthusiastic comments on everything you love? Are you reblogging with tags and commentary? Are you sharing the things you love? You cannot control the behavior of anyone but yourself. You can take your disapproval of art culture as a prompt for your own behavior, but it's pointless to resent Society for your art not doing well.

Wrt writing specifically, am certain you have all heard/read the stories of your favorite authors getting umpteen rejections by publishers before getting published. I feel like in some ways the system of traditional publishing allows for more ego-preservation. You can think "I KNOW people would love it if The Gatekeepers would give it a chance."

But now it's just out there on the internet and nobody's watching or reading it at all. Turns out maybe the gatekeepers were right about this one. And that's genuinely really difficult to deal with, it's something I struggle with frequently.

But oh my god. oh my god. listen to me. if you take anything away from this post. YOU CANNOT BULLY OR GUILT TRIP OR LOGIC PEOPLE INTO READING YOUR SHIT. It either hits or it doesn't. If you can't handle that, DON'T POST YOUR WORK.

[churchyardgrim]

this is maybe the funniest opening to a porn I've ever seen in my life

[churchyardgrim]

cloth fibers ranked by how much sense they make to me

wool. the most sensible and natural fiber. wool is hair from meaty, not very bright animals. I have hair, meat and did not excell in school, so I relate and understand this best

cotton. Cotton is made from plants, but don't be scared yet. these plants are basically small sheep for they are wooly and have hard seeds in them like how sheep are wooly and have hard bones inside them

silk. I was fairly terrorized as a child by caterpillars that made massive silk tents in mulberry trees. We came in into conflict because both of us liked to eat mulberries and climb mulberry trees and also because they liked falling out of the tree upon my person. this was distressing for me for various reasons primary amongst them was that I had been told by the wisdom of my peers that if one of them bit me I would die. anyway I believe that silk comes from caterpillars because I have seen it I have witnessed it I have lived it

linen. bizarre. have you watched videos of people turning flax into fibers? I have watched video after video of flax being transformed from plant to linen and none of it makes any sense. One moment, it's a plant and then if you comb it enough it becomes hair. utterly incomprehensibe witchcraft

PLASTIC? PLASTIC? PLAstic??????

spandex. incomprehensibe. uncontainable. might as well be string theory to me.

[churchyardgrim]

There is no prize to perfection… only an end to pursuit.

[churchyardgrim]

Alhamdulillah 🕌 ✩‧₊˚✦ Store in pinned post

[churchyardgrim]

shhh…. hes Yearning

jules (he/him)

(originally posted 9/17/19)