#I'LL NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE
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listening to my top songs of 2023 playlist and like half of them were songs that reminded me of klance that i had on repeat i miss them
#IF YOU DOOOO FIND SOMEONE BETTER I'LL STILL SEE YOU AND EVERYTHING TOMORROW ALL THE TIME!!!!#DONT U LIKE ME FOR ME??!!#IS THERE ANY BETTER FEELING THAN COMING CLEAN?!#I KNOW MYSELF AND ILL NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE#I WONT#LOVE ANYONE ELSE#I'LL NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE#need to read some fic asap... need to finish editing my fic asap so u can all share with me...#wtf was my rant tag#ive been gone for like one month and i forget it all
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Hey! Change of subject. I thought of an answer. To what? Your question.
Lokius + reflection for anon
#mobius#loki#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#coming out of making this set in a complete stupor of how absolutely insane their love is 😭💖#every single day i regret to inform myself 'love is a dagger' will never EVER leave my thoughts so it feels nice to give in and gif it lol#god they're both so sharp in mind AND personality which is why they've never completely fit in with anyone else around them before#and i'll never be over the way you see them struggling to figure out exactly what they're feeling because it's so completely new#but still falling into place beside each other effortlessly because of how lovely it is to finally be cared for 🥺#tysm again for such an amazing request and for giving me something to focus on that's genuinely been a highlight 💕#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs#flashing cw
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childhood friends au danny is submissive the same way a dog wearing a muzzle is submissive, send tweet.
#he's not domesticated he's tamed#danny fenton is not the ghost king#cfau#childhood friends au#cfau danny#dpxdc#dpxdc crossover#i have another post thats literally just this but it talks about a few other things that i associate with danny's character in CFAU.#including a number of crane wives songs. but i am out of creative juice to be all poetic#fun fact had a concept for him that will never see the light of day where he was going to wear a simple black choker everywhere that#his friends could tug on to get his attention. if anyone else tried though they'd lose their hand. i ultimately scrapped the idea#tugging on a collar like you're telling a dog to heel#if you ask me what songs i associate with CFAU Danny i'll tell you#you can leave gotham but gotham never leaves you. she loves her children like oil loves animals#its not fun if it isn't a little toxic
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You know I used to love randomly jumping off the cliff at horseshoe overlook, I'd just run full speed and go tumbling - much to the horror of Sadie or whoever was there watching at the time lol
#anyone else do that too#I like to keep the gang on their toes keep them on edge they'll never know when I'll dive off the cliff next#strauss watching arthur finish his stew then launch himself off the cliff edge: 😦#I didnt do it to hurt arthur I just loved watching the gangs reactions 😭#“good morning arthur wait be careful around tHE CLIFF-”#maybe it's just me#rdr2#red dead redemption 2#mick squeaks#funnies#arthur morgan
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oh yeah, i think it's important to differentiate between the ideas of a "jewish ethnostate" and a "jewish homeland", as a jew myself especially --
of course we deserve a place where we feel safe, a place that puts emphasis on caring for us and not treating us like dirt. but that is not the same as a place that allows ONLY us to be there. (and we are talking about a mass of land, not an affinity club or anything -- we're talking about somewhere people live. who gets to be a part of it is not something you should be policing on lines of race or religion.) we have no right to lay claim to land and force other people out of it. we have no right to a jewish ethnostate.
"oh but if there are any non-jews in our land they'll treat us badly like they always have!!!" no, that's just cynical nonsense. if anything, you're letting the antisemites win by agreeing with the omnipresence of their bigotry. yes, tons of people have been horrible to us. that won't get better by running away from them and hurting other people in the process.
also, it is very worthy of note that jews and their ancestors have lived in palestine, for a great portion of history in fact, but were conquered multiple times by multiple empires and expelled to the diaspora. of course jews want to live in palestine! of course! but palestinians are just as indigenous to the land as we are -- we have absolutely NO right to kill them and kick them out and say it isn't their home (which is exactly what so many empires did to us, in the same land no less).
endorsing zionism and anti-palestinian rhetoric, as a jew, is hypocritical, cruel, and wrong. let palestine be free, as they (and we) deserve to be. they are facing the same terrors we have; let us stand with them.
#melonposting#free palestine#and seeing jews post stuff about the israeli hostages --#i know you want your loved ones back!! i know i know i know!!!#i would never wish that kind of pain on anyone -- to be taken hostage or lose a loved one to that. it is truly heartbreaking and horrible#and of course we have loved ones in israel in general. and of course we're so so so worried for them#but no matter what you think of hamas and what they're doing -- palestinian CIVILIANS do not deserve your hatred and genocide for it#these people just trying to live their lives like everyone else? these poor children orphaned in the blink of an eye?#THEY are monsters who deserve to be wiped off the face of the earth? look at yourself. good god.#and i'll admit. i haven't read as much as i'd like on hamas. for all i know they are horrible (i genuinely don't know)#but that gives you NO right to endorse the constant cruelty israel has been waging on palestinian civilians.
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Look I have read only four chapters in The raven Cycle and for some stupid reason I decided to scroll through Tumblr tags and idk who this Henry is but I don't wanna see him with Gansey (no hate, I haven't even read bout him in books) I wanna read Ronan and Gansey not...anyone else😭
#the raven cycle#Gansey#This is so weird#I have never hated any character before they even appeared#I don't wanna see it tho#Think I'll dnf it for some time and then read it again#I'm already in love with Gansey and Ronan and Adam idc bout anyone else#ronan lynch#adam parish#the raven boys#maggie stiefvater#I hope it's good tho#Will read it again after some time
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i'm sorry.
#𖥔 salem sighs#tbd#i'll stay away for a while longer not that anyone really cares lol#but i genuinely don't feel like i belong here or anywhere i'm just dragging everyone down with me#i cannot accept any love or reassurance and i'm really sorry#i'll stop talking for a while i'm sorry these feelings are overwhelming me and i don't want to burden anyone any more than i already have#i'm sorry this blog isn't as fun and safe as it used to be#i'm sorry i can't trust anyone#the deactivation / delete button looks so tempting at the moment so everyone will finally have me off their back#you all have been nothing but kind to me i'm sorry i am being negative all the time and not appreciative of it#seeing everyone around me having fun and being silly just reinforces my own thoughts of me never being able to be that friend to you all#or a friend at all since i just burden everyone with my issues without applying much of the kindness and grace and advice i'm given#so i'm sorry i genuinely am#i'm hurting everyone else in the process with my own issues and no one deserves that#i'm sorry i can't be witty and funny and have nothing remotely interesting to say#i'm sorry i failed as a friend to you all#cw vent
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The Mario Bros really are just attracted to royalty aren't they
#it really just feels that way#following the canon of the movie#where donkey kong is the prince of all time#and the canon of my heart#where dk and mario love each other#(also bowser and luigi but that's not what this blog is for)#this post will never refer to peach x mario or anything else#i know that it COULD#but it doesn't#this is a mariokong/bowuigi post only#if i see a single person try to attribute this to anyone else i'll be very cranky#mario x donkey kong#dk x mario#mario x dk#mariokong#bowser x luigi#bowuigi#mario movie#super mario bros movie
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the other day my dad was showing me how to do this thing for an account and because hes incapable of not being a huge bag of dicks all the time he was all like oh im doing this for you because you cant and ur useless and stuff (it was incredibly simple, i wouldve figured it out in like two minutes. i didnt even ask him to do it, he just told me "im doing this" and when i said i would just do it myself he said no) and i was mad at him for being a bitch but i cant say im mad or do anything or he gets mad, but you will not believe the satisfaction i felt today after being able to do an IT thing for my mum that he couldnt, at least i get this, fuck you and eat shit old man, whos useless now?
#alex says shit#i love my dad! /sarc#im annoyed tho bcs i wanna give him the silent treatment but he would get so fucking mad at me for even insinuating hes in the wrong#bcs hes an enabled man child who thinks he can just say whatever he wants bcs 'hes the only one who does anything'#so that justifies him treating everyone like crap#(if hes the only one who does anything how about he goes and gets a job)#but i cant just let him think that he can do whatever he wants because he fucking cant#not me trying to teach my father (whos in his late fifties) how to treat people with a minimum of respect#who tf else is gonna do it tho#not my mum whos too kind and too much of a pushover to do anything but excuse his actions#(love her tho)#certainly not my golden child sister#but he doesnt respect my opinion so he'll die a jaded miserable piece of shit with one daughter who feared him and one who hated him#i'll likely die just as jaded and alone but i'll never make it anyone elses problem like he does#damn i really always go off in the tags#dropping a whole lore my bad
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Having Jill constantly repeat how Renee has “decided to be content with this season” (of being single) and acting like she’s committed to a spinster at the ripe old age of somewhere in her 20s, I genuinely hope that seeing/knowing Jana is getting married in her 30s gives Renee some peace that it isn’t the end of the world if she’s not married ASAP.
Same with the rest of the Rod daughters and every other fundie girl that’s been made to feel like an on the shelf spinster (or thornback, I know there’s an age range for spinster and thornback lol) for not getting married between 18-22
I know, she's s 22 for crying out loud!!! it's infinitely annoying to me that her mom acts like it's weird for her to be single. I was drinking vodka out of zip lock bags in public at that age
i feel for Renee and her sisters, unlearning all of that garbage is one of the hardest parts of deconstructing. and especially with her family, she literally has no other options beyond being some KJV nerd's wife, so she's gotta feel so much anxiety about it bc if it doesn't happen for her wtf is she going to do? Besides be Jill and David's maid/babysitter indefinitely? there's no plan B
it just gets really depressing when I think about it too much. even Jana, I've been dissecting my reaction to her marriage a little bit lol just to be like, I wonder how much of the public reaction is just people being happy that she's finally meeting the expectations they subconsciously have for her, myself included. it's just so ingrained in our culture as a whole, I sometimes wonder if I don't still have a bit of that unconscious bias that's like, of course it's a great thing she's married! that's what she's supposed to do, y'know
#anyway before i go on a tangent I'll stop myself lol#the moral of the story is that despite what anyone has told you your worth is never affected by how well you live up to someone else's#expectations or really anything that is outside of yourself#thryve lied to women for eons to trick us into believing the only way we have worth is if we are sacrificing or lives and identities for th#purpose of serving other. it's just sad to think that some girls like renee might never know they are a complete person worthy of love even#if they are single their entire lives.#renee rodrigues
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trying to dispel the curse of (irrationally) feeling unloved and unwanted by reading my friends' messages to me vs my parents being inconvenienced by me asking for the bare minimum of help
#i know that i'm loved by at least a few people but it is so hard to remember that rationally sometimes#and it's weird because while the stereotype of my condition is to lash out and accuse i could never do that#i can't imagine bringing harm to anyone i care about no matter how much i get the impulse to do so because i'm better than those instincts#i'd rather retreat into myself and isolate myself to prevent harm to anyone else#i just wish that my brain was able to distinguish actually causing harm from just asking for attention and reassurance and not lump them-#-both into the evil awful horrible cruel category#it is alright though i will be okay nothing specific went wrong it's just been a weird week and i'm ill#it will pass. hopefully soon#i'm leaving this here so i'll remember it#tw vent#i suppose#no one i care for has caused me hurt in the past while and so i really have no reason to feel like this. alas it will continue to happen
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I rly wish i could draw your characters but my hands have a physical aversion to drawing lines, what if i wrote you some sort of short story or something? It probably wouldnt be more than 1000 words since like, i have 18 million things going on, but like, if i were to, what should i know?
OHHHH MY GODDD?? I would absolutely LOVE that ;_; <3 <3
I'm assuming you'd want to make something about Team Fate (my explorers team)? In that case, I don't think there's a ton of information you need to know; all of their personality traits and quirks are implied in the art I've made of them, so I don't think you could go wrong!
here's a guide I quickly put together!! hopefully it's somewhat helpful
(more rambling below)
So basically, my pmd teams pretty much follow the canon personalities they have in the games: for example, Piper (eevee hero) has a very reserved and quiet personality just like the player character in the games, and doesn't speak or emote much - but she talks and laughs the most around her partner.
Clementine (vulpix partner) is pretty similar to the explorers partner; she's jittery and nervous, but loves to ramble about adventuring to Piper (who loves to listen). She scares easily, but feels stronger with Piper - so in a way, they basically complete each other. They balance out each other's weaknesses, and give each other strength.
#omg please let me know if you ever end up making something ADJDFHGFNMS I'D LOVE TO READ IT... <3#I've never had anyone offer to make a story of my characters before and I'm so flattered??#If you need to know anything else then feel free to send in another ask and I'll answer it privately! I could ramble about my ocs all day#or DM me! whichever works best for you#ask#laggy-input#also I am so sorry for the late reply; there's been so many things going on lately (including finals) and I'm dying shdjfjgjn#this ask really made me smile though tysm ;;; <3 <3#pmd
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🦈2
#even tho it was so hard for me. ofc when u can only communicate via the internet so much is lost i think... sm extra things u need to be#more secure kinda? like physical presence does a lot on its own#but yeah.. ok i actually wrote more but u can only have 30tags per post and safari on ur phone does not tell u when it's stopping so half o#what i wrote just disappeared ._. i cant rmbr what i said... and i mean this is just for myself to vent but grr im so annoyed#yeah just that he was sm more patient than i realized. i just was in the start of learning how to live w my avpd#i wasnt able to do a lot. even if i wanted to. he helped me sm to uncover things in myself to start that thing within me#i just desperately wish i had found him earlier and that i've been this far along in my anti avpd limitation abilities.... truly wish that#so im trying to accept it and just think bc i dont have a choice :') i've never wanted anyone like this and that just is how it is#i will always love him simply bc he is who he is#he's so so cool and amazing to me in so so many ways. and i always loved just how he talks and communicates bc it resonates w me#and there are simply sm details i just adore. but yeah... i probably shouldnt think abt that? i feel like.. it isnt my place to think abt i#but it is what it is but it hurts so incredibly much. will i ever be able to let go of him? the love i couldve experienced? the wonderful#person i couldve been with? will i be able to stop thinking abt all his great qualities and how much i wish he was mine? and all the things#wanna do and talk abt with him? he's just.. he just is .. i cant describe it. it feels like more than just earthly love...#maybe i sound insane or too intense or dramatic or smth but.. it feels so much larger than everything#so i struggle sm with letting go bc i want to touch him and i want to love him and i just want to be with him and experience everything w h#but that isnt my place. i know... why.. have i only ever felt like this w him... what do i do with this?? am i crazy? am i going insane? is#there smth wrong with me?#he is worthy of everything and he is so so wonderful but is there smth wrong w me for being so..#for having love that actually truly is all consuming? what is this... it's scary. esp when i cant unleash it. it's like a wild beast i have#to learn how to tame. and i want to be able to find mutual love too. but i cant force anything. will the universe grant me that?#i cant imagine myself ever being able of letting go of him but if that is what the universe has planned then..#ok im actually starting to sound intense and weird and idk O.O i think i think too much#.. it hurts that i wont get to do all of the things and talk abt all the things i wanna do w him. i'll never get to hug him...#if i could ask for only one thing it'd be one hug from him....#maybe is ound crazy but with all my disorders and feeling disconnected from the world.. and finding someone that makes me feel tethered#and safe and real.. and having to let go bc it just wasnt meant for me... why is the universe so cruel.#in the end i care abt him so much i just want him to be loved. i want him to finally feel loved.#someone else.. someone else without avpd can do that for him. i want him to be oh so so loved and .. yeah.. :(#i wish i couldve loved him as he deserves but .. its not my place. not my place... all i want is to hear his voice and live in his arms
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Wild that anytime I post an update a lot of people read it and are even excited about it and have their own thoughts and reactions to it that I'll never know.
Comments are only the very tip of the iceberg with it. And I am Very grateful to commenters for letting me in on it. But in the same way that I'll be excited with my friends when a fic we love updates, it's likely that Other people enthuse with Their friends when my fic updates. And it's just so strange. An experience I'll never have access to.
Everyone's relationship with my fic is unique. So many different people with so many different circumstances and preferences... and the number of people that have told me that my fic is one of their favorites, some even saying it's their Favorite favorite... every single one of them have their own relationship with my writing.
It's just interesting to me. I think and think and think on my writing. I have my plans for basically the entire fic, the way I want it to end already thought out, all the major plot beats and the relationship progressions, All of that thought out. I love my writing so very much, but I'm on the inside looking out. This is my mechanical horse, and I'm in here laying out the groundwork and pulling levers and constructing limbs, puttering away making the horse move. Forever and always, my relationship with it will be more intimate than anyone's, and yet more clinical. Because I know it better than the back of my own hand, but I'll never have the experience of reading it fresh. Of reading it without knowing everything that's going to happen from now to the end and beyond. I won't have the thrill of the plot twists I have planned, the delight at seeing things progress, the horror at seeing things go wrong...
This is my mechanical horse, and I'm making it move.
I just always wonder what it must be like to see it from the outside. I hope to others that it's a pretty horse.
#speculation nation#itnl shit#didnt mean to write this much about the concept but i really am so...#jealous almost. id love to be able to read my fic as a reader.#because it's tailor made to my tastes Exactly.#and i know it's good writing. i surprise myself even sometimes with how good things end up.#it's never a doubt in my mind that i'll make things good. even the harder things . while bringing trepitation . i know i'll figure them out.#the relationship a fic writer has with their own fic is so... yeah. intimate. but still somehow emotionally removed.#but thats how it goes with any art piece i think#the creator sees all the bits and pieces that went into it. remembers the thoughts as they made it#they know their work better than Anyone Else. but they'll never be able to experience it like an outsider.#is my fic helping someone through a rough breakup? is it something someone rereads when theyre sad?#is it a fic that people stay up way too late reading? the fic that someone discovers and consumes all within a day?#that voracious love. ive experienced it many times with other fics. but i can never experience it with my own.#but in the end. that's okay. i will just continue to do as i wish with it. and maybe people will continue to like it.#it is my goal to make a fic that people will never forget. what that may mean differs depending on the person.#i want it to be the best fic it can be. and i will make it so with every brick i lay down.#puttering about for days and weeks and months. it's Most of what i think about. it's my impact on the world.#and it's sitting for 3 hours after work in the storage room writing until im shivering but Satisfied with a productive writing session#it's writing some of my most emotional scenes while sitting for an hour on the toilet#no one else knows what the toilet written scenes are. but I Do. such is my relationship with my fic.#(the focus in the Quiet Rooms cannot be underestimated. the bathroom is indeed one of the Quiet Rooms lol)#& man. ive rambled so much now. but i just love my fic so very much#i'll never be an ITNL reader. and that's okay. because i'm its writer. & that's a status that No One Else can boast.#even those people who state that it's their Favorite favorite cant rival the intimacy of my own relationship with it.#I Am Its Writer and that means so very much to me.#i... really do love my fic y'all
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it's like. everything happens so much. it's all happening right now but at the same time nothing is happening whatsoever. it's a liminal space of an existence. it's slowly crushing me under the weight but when I look up there's nothing actually bearing down on me. there shouldn't be any weight. something is wrong but nothing has happened. I'm simultaneously overwhelmed and utterly bored. nothing is happening and maybe that's the everything that's happening. maybe the everything is the nothing. we aren't there yet but it's all so imminent. either everything is going to crash down or nothing is. I'm just waiting to figure out which.
#I refuse to be upset at anyone. I have so much love in my heart#but I'm going to pack formal clothes for my sister in my own bag just in case. she doesn't need to know that.#you couldn't pay me to care or to stop caring. it's cognitive dissonance#because I know this won't always affect me but it's my whole world right now#I say I don't care and I mean it but at the same time I care more than anything else#it's actually almost scary how much I relate to dark alley#not in a ''I'm in a mentally dark or dangerous place'' way but in a ''yeah I compare myself to others too much'' way#and then I try to make excuses so it can make sense to other people so they won't think the worst of me#like literally I'm trying not to think about fall but it's right around the corner and I'm. falling into it I guess#pun intended of course. I don't want to lose all my friends#I want to be one of the kids who gets invited to people's houses for lunch after church and I know I never will be#because that's the kind of thing that's only for the kids who are going someplace. not the ones who stay#I'm feeling very selfish and it's probably bc I'm tired lol this happens sometimes#I'm gonna make dinner for my family and then I'll feel better skskskskk#Lu rambles#sometimes I think I could write poetry#I feel like once my vacation is actually imminent I'll feel better I just haaate the point we're at right now#which is like. it's SOON but not THAT SOON so I feel like I can't do anything bc I'm just waiting for things to get going :/
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thanks for being so vocal about bg3 lmao the entire hype around the game and the way its sexual content has been presented is so thorougly offputting as a sex-repulsed ace person. and i've loved bioware-style crpgs ever since i was a kid!! just feels like i'm being pushed out of a genre i love because these games are so unrelentingly horny because that's what gets headlines and makes cash. yuck
i feel the exact same way 😭
and honestly the worst part for me isn't the game itself but the game's reception. the mainstream, overwhelming approval of bg3's style of romance content has been really alienating in a way no other game in the genre has been
#sovo answers#my brother knows i LOVE bg1/bg2 & asked if i was going to get bg3 bc he'd heard it was really good. it's painful to not be able to explain#why i don't want to. why i bought it but can't finish it. why i don't want to romance anyone#i hate being asked 'hey did you check out bg3!' as 'safe' small talk#bc it IS safe small talk. to anyone else.#it's the newsflash that everyone else LOVES this. they've always loved it; it's just never been so obvious to me as it is now.#and it feels so stupid for me to have to be like--#actually i don't want to get into it. actually it's a whole big deal. actually--now that you mention it--i Haven't checked it out!#and i'll smile politely through them saying Well Let Me Tell You they've really gone far this time#i'm just tired. it's not bg3; it's everything. it's the lying and hiding and alienation and being alone.
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