#I’ve taken them to heart
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King’s Tide if it was good (context under the cut)
#the owl house#toh#owl house#Luz Noceda#philip wittebane#emperor belos#ignore the Bloxburg icecream shop in the bg#did you genuinely think I was gonna take the time to draw a bg#I have a tendency to cut corners#go wild#Tomota actually said those exact words to me#I’ve taken them to heart#thank you#my art#he got cookies and cream btw#he got brain freeze and thought he was cursed#Luz helped him finish it though because his ass could NOT handle it#think I beat both the same face syndrome and the art block with this one
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what if i wrote a twisters au……….
#storm chaser eddie diaz loses his wife trying to capture tornado data realises it’s too dangerous now that he’s a single parent#packs up his life and son and moves from north texas tornado country to LA takes a desk job#one of his old buddies calls him up tells him they’ve got new tech and can really study tornadoes now#but. they need someone who Knows storm chasing to do it#it could change everything it could keep people safe he just has to get them the data. one week.#enter: hotshot cowboy scientist tornado wrangler evan buckley#with his stupid hat and stupid sunshine smile and stupid heart of gold under all that nonsense#is he taking risks for the hell of it. putting himself in danger for internet clout and attention#or if eddie looks a little closer is that all going to fall away. someone smart and silly and only wanting to help#because buck and his friends are there Before During and most importantly After every disaster. making sure everyone’s taken care of#and maybe with him in eddie’s corner eddie can figure it out this time#can make it so he doesn’t always have to worry about his family being in danger of natural disaster#and maybe he can keep buck with his dumb jokes and giant heart and boneheaded bravery#ok sorry i’ve seen twisters three times in the last week i cant stop thinking about it#will maybe scribble some of this down when i have a minute#n
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I’m sorry but I can’t get the whole Oracle scene out of my head—specifically Torbek’s. I mean, yeah, Kremys is pretty bad too (for a different reason holy fuck) but like. With how integral The Other is to Torbek’s story, I just. Hm. Yall are expecting me to be NORMAL about this? Like. Does this mean The Other just fucking. Disappears? I doubt it. Ooh, wait what if. What if The Other just continues talking to Torbek. And either Torbek just doesn’t question it or he starts freaking the fuck out. And that’s not counting the Archfey figure fucking looking for him. Oh wait fuck. Huh. Hm. Yall. I am so not normal about this. Why am I just now thinking about this I’m not even at this point in my rewatch fuck.
#also I have a suspicion as to who the archfey looking for Torbek is#bc I’ve looked at the Wild Beyond The Witchlight module#and ik that Nikkie has taken her own spin on it I’m#but I’m just saying. the king of hearts isn’t in the module#and that means one of two things#and considering the owl…#but of course we won’t know until ouaw picks back up again#gods I hope they pick back up soon#I am going insane waiting for them#legends of avantris#once upon a witchlight#ouaw#torbek
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I mean I’m obsessed with crash landing on you because it’s like if a hallmark movie was good and that is fascinating to my brain and healing to my heart.
#I didn’t think such a thing was possible#I’ve been living very much in a world of extremes lately re: Art#like. on the one hand all the great works I teach just taking OVER my brain#and my knowledge of them deepening at a very rapid pace#(sometimes in a too terrifying way so I feel like I’m hurtling down a hill. it’s actually really hard sometimes and I think part of how)#(my anxiety is manifesting itself. like. I just. I don’t feel like I’ve taken a deep breath in a year)#(I’ve just been in. motion.)#and then on the other hand finding new ways to find shows like Bridgerton dead#and Bridgerton helps with that because it is emotionally hollow. because it is fundamentally embarrassing#because Anthony snarling at Kate about how his honor is hanging by a thread isn’t sexy at all#so my mind has kind of just been living in those two extremes and there hasn’t been a lot of room for gentleness or nuance#but cloy is very healing 😭 and it just doesn’t#push the buttons in my brain that immediately need to analyze and#to some extent—destroy! tear apart! with fierce and savage energy.#it just lets my brain and heart exist.#and also there is something so sweet and pure and real about so much of it#I think it’s cause it’s true love 😭 and it’s that simple.#(I’ve also outgrown/moved on from some of the more mediocre things I used to love. Like I just needed something new) but yeah.#it has been very hard in my brain lately even though it’s also been very good#like. teaching is just a lot these days. because it takes sooooooo much effort and work to get the kids going intellectually speaking#and one of the only ways I know how to reach them. or at least the lane I’m really driving in right now#(I know there are more ways)#is simply speaking to them above their heads. with passion and energy and a certain degree of expertise#and it’s WORKING#because it wakes them up and makes them want to engage#but I am also moving so fast and so vulnerably for all of my certainty. that it’s just hard.#I need to relax but I can’t. I feel like the devil is behind me every second#this is dramatic. and as Lewis said in surprised by joy it’s only one layer of what’s happening#but it is what happening#a lot of things are unfolding/growing and also the anxiety is terrible
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ok ok ok like i thought “the chosen” would suck cause “blah another series about the life and times of jesus” like we GET it it’s been around for CENTURIES you guys make the same damn movie all the time
but it’s actually legit really good? lots of pretty good representation! not everyone in the movie is white. actual portrayals of jewish culture instead of just ignoring that part. disabled people. matthew being autistic. characters that aren’t just two dimensional. the people in it feel like real people. there’s actual jokes, jesus cracks a few and they’re really funny?? so far nothing hateful, no gay or transgender bashing. it calls out the church for being judgemental and hateful in a way that’s very tasteful
it’s not perfect tho. jesus is…still white for some reason? despite mary not being white? and no one else around him being white? no gay people in it which is kind of a bad and a good thing…but it’s a portrayal of jesus and the people around him as human. as real life people who felt things and made jokes and rolled their eyes and stuff. also the guy they cast as jesus is pretty hot as are all the disciples. which isn’t the point or whatever but i can’t say i’m complaining. it’s free online and i think it’s worth a watch!
#it’s an adaptation of jesus that is more realistic#ofc he’s perfect and doesn’t sin but the point was that he was loving and kind and considerate and people all wanted to be around him#he doesn’t hesitate to walk straight into the dangerous or sketchy areas#he genuinely connects with and loves everyone he meets#they take liberties ofc but none of them are bad and add to the series as a whole#also as always i’m still gay and transgender as ever so no trad catholics or whatever touch this pls#but as a christian it makes my heart feel warm#it’s taken so so long to get an adaptation of any kind that depicts jesus as the kind of man who genuinely loves the people around him#not as some deity but as a human being loves other human beings#he is very human in this. it’s something christian’s don’t like to talk about#but if he went around talking like they do to other people#he wouldn’t have been able to last 10 seconds in the areas he was at#he wouldn’t have been welcomed there#it feels more faithful to the actual bible then they ever make him sound in any church service i’ve ever been in#the chosen#seriously check it out! it’s a genuinely good watch#especially if you have an interest in religion in general#i thought i’d hate it but i love it#pls know i’m being genuine abt this#and also the dudes they cast actually could pass as the age the actual apostles and actual jesus were#instead of being like 40-50 lmao#and them being hot is like just an added bonus sorry i have eyes
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just rewatched the season 4 finale of the magicians for the first time since it aired and, uh. wow. no, yeah, that is just as bad as I remember
#maria rambles#the magicians#cried my way through the last fifteen minutes yet again#and like. I’ve since learned that this was in part because jason ralph wanted to leave the series#because he felt they’d taken his character as far as they could#as I. cannot even begin to try and explain how that is the worst explanation I could’ve imagined#he wanted to leave fine I get that#they had to kill quentin because otherwise it doesn’t make any sense for him to just not be on the show. okay#but the way it’s framed. this idea that his death was GOOD and NOBLE#that it was suicide purely because quentin didn’t consciously decide to leave his friends behind#to leave ALICE AND JULIA AND FUCKING ELIOT behind#that his death was beneficial to people#no im sorry i can never ever abide by this#not when so many people saw themselves in Quentin and had hope because of him#this was such a callous way of resolving a queer suicidal character’s story#when prior to this he’d been the heart of the group and a constant source of hope for them#god#I’ll never be okay with how they handled this
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That awkward feeling when a PIMI childhood friend sends you an invite to a party in the summer; but you know you’re going to be out of the cult and shunned by then.
What do I even say? Do I lie and say I’ll be there? Do I just not respond?
#exjw#ex jw#I’m not worried about this friend so much; I’m worried about the other friend#because the other friend has awful mental health and not many close friends other than me and maybe one or two other people#This childhood friend is acting very differently than how she did when we were close which could be completely normal#But she seems “spaced out” and very formal whenever I’ve spoken to her (though that could be the allergy meds doing that)#or maybe she knows through her parents through my parents that I wrote about her playlist of “inappropriate” music in my diary#and maybe she got grilled for it#It’s important to note that neither the playlist nor the YT channel were taken down. I can still find them#So maybe she’s not as “in it” as I think she is. But then again she did introduce me to her Bible study so… idk#Maybe it’s a situation of “I’ll take the husband; mom will take the wife; and you’ll take the daughter” but idk#I never had any Bible studies. I went on studies. I got a study shoved off on me when I was eighteen because no one liked her#for being “too much” and “needy” and “not following Jehovah’s guidance and using nicotine patches so she won’t die of a heart attack”#That was a barrel of fucking laughs#(I got reprimanded by the actual sister studying with her#for reading “what happens to your body when you quit smoking” articles to her and encouraging this woman to follow her DOCTOR’S advice)#But I’ve never started a study; nor has anyone passed off a study to me to keep#ex cult
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FYI, if the version of “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” you’re listening to doesn’t include the “until then we’ll just have to muddle through somehow” line, you’re doing it wrong.
#was arguing with my brother about this earlier#he was like ‘I’ve never ever heard that’#and I was like ‘you sit on a throne of lies but k’#IT’S ABOUT THE SAD.#unless you’re listening specifically to Christmas Bops (valid)#the best Christmas songs have a little bit of Sad to them#this is also the reason Snow by Sleeping At Last had taken over my heart#’though pieces go missing may we still feel whole’#MY. HEART.#anyway for HYAMLC I like the Christina Perri version#but you can choose the version that best suits you#so long as it has the ‘muddle through’ lyric#thank you and goodnight ❤️
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trying to figure out character voices for my ocs and I think the one I have the clearest picture of rn is taituk. they speak…not quite stiffly maybe but definitely a tad formal. more connective words & full sentences than most people use when speaking. they’ve got the admirable habit of just letting silence fall until they’ve thought of the right thing to say, very little uhming or use of other filler words. they tend to be overly specific rather than vague—e.g., instead of saying something is rare or common, they might try to give a numeric indication of how rare or common it is. they talk quite slowly and quietly, but can make themself heard if so desired. absolutely hate shouting. they prefer to speak calmly, and if they’re in an emotional situation they will wait to compose themself until they know their voice will be level. because of this they can seem emotionless to the untrained eye, but they’re just good at hiding/repressing them lol
#oc rambles#oc tag#taituk#to a certain degree it’s their desire to be taken seriously#bc of the leadership position & big responsibility since a pretty young age (being the captain of a pirate crew & the main provider for#their family since what was it twenty?)#but also just. naturally speaking like that bc autism lol#elli rambles#the birates#wind in the sails#the ‘hates shouting’ part is what makes them absolutely Terrifying when they’re mad#sb idk says something horrible and they just. fall silent. lowly but encunciated very clearly ‘what did you say?’#first person promptly shits their pants#they speak even slower when they’re emotional I think. whichever way around#angry sad happy whatever#I’ve got one scene (which you guessed it I haven’t written yet lol) in which hira & taituk get drunk together and hira—never having seen#taituk drunk before bc they. rarely drink lmao—just spends half the scene marvelling at how laid-back taituk gets#they talk less formally ofc. they’re just content and lazy & open with their thoughts and emotions#syrupy is the best way I can describe it#love that scene actually. hira & taituk just lying on the floor next to each other spilling their hearts. having philosophical discussions.#braiding each others hair & lying in each other’s laps. kissing for the first time. etc#anyway#was gone rb this with a bit about sita’s character voice but I uh. probably need to go to sleep lol
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why do i do this to myself every time (reading comments under am posts)
#can people just shut the FUCK up#i can’t believe they’ve taken valuable time out of their day to write the most horrible unprovoked shit#like who the fuck asked whether you don’t like their new music#jesus christ im angry#everything they do goes against them somehow and im tired of it but i know it’s not ever gonna stop#fucking assholes don’t deserve them#idk how they can just say the most hurtful spiteful not to mention rude comments about them#all they’ve done is make music and stayed true to their ideals and followed their hearts#if you don’t like something that’s fine but you don’t have to whine about it on the internet to a bunch of people who don’t give a shit#what are they thinking? that commenting hate is gonna make them change?#go touch some grass get some fucking sense knocked into you#im gonna stop now bc I’ve got myself worked up it’s just so shit that this is what they get for just existing#and trying to accommodate to stupid fuckers who need to get their heads out of their assholes
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help 😀
#I feel like I managed to accustom my friends when it comes to my mum’s weird restrictions and reactions because I tell them pretty much#everything that happens in our relationship and usually ask them for advice#but the one thing that frustrates me is that my boyfriend has no idea how bad things are and thankfully doesn’t understand what it’s like to#have a parent that controls the way you dress/wear your makeup and hair and dictates what you’re supposed to do for a living because they#want you to have a comfortable life and not go through extreme poverty like they did (I know her intentions are the best but she just#doesn’t know how to act in a way that I can comprehend fully…I love her with all my heart and it would literally kill me to have to cut ties#and I’m currently freaking out because I still haven’t told her I’m dating someone who’s not the ideal type she thinks would be a good fit#for me and it’s destroying me because I’ve never felt this good and have never been treated with so much care and respect and I’ve never had#so much reassurance that I’m loved and this relationship is just something I’m not willing to give up on or have it be taken away from me#but at the same time I NEED to tell her because how am I supposed to keep lying about which friends I’m going out with and not be able to#freely spend quality time with the person I love without stressing about time and being scared she’s gonna call or ask for pictures or#I’m planning on telling her but I’m SO terrified to lose him and also scared he’s gonna make my life a living heel and think I’m lying#about every little thing I do in the future and stop me from seeing him or having a phone or idk????#things are way too unpredictable in this house and have always been and I HATE that
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After over half a year of hardly being able to listen to his voice, I’m watching animatics of Techno clips. Man, I miss him, but he did so much while he was here that it would be disrespectful of me to try to avoid it. Miss you, Mr Blade, but keep up the good work with killing (former/current) world leaders, wherever you are. Thank you for everything you did, and everything your legacy still does now.
#cancer is… rough for me to say the least.#i have a younger sibling who’s a survivor (leukemia) and many more relatives who weren’t so lucky#i’ve seen firsthand how it affects people- both them and their families#i’ve taken part in fundraisers since I was in kindergarten#and something on this insane a scale is just… my heart is so full
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I’m so glad my exams are finally over bc I can at last cut my long term friends off since I have so much free time now.
#people think that I will ALWAYS be there simply because I tolerate how much they use me for their therapy and never even ask if I’m ok when#it’s sooooo obvious I somehow seem to always get progressively worse in terms of physical and mental health#and so ! because of my MH I haven’t been able to talk to most people at all#like I’d get a panic attack at the thought and I’d just have to close the app and just calm myself down#and my heart … it would hurt so bad from how my anxiety which already makes me gag uncontrollable and jolt awake from how violently I’m#trembling somehow my heart started to hurt so bad to the point I felt I was going to die soon#so I genuinelyyyyy couldn’t even talk to anyone#I’ve always wondered that if I stopped texting first if people would even notice#these past six months proved that no they wouldn’t#even the person I’ve been friends with for 8 years btw didn’t care#we used to talk daily#when she was in hospital I always checked up on her more than anyone even tho I couldn’t visit the hospital I’d always send her messages and#try to yk help to my capacity and stuff#but she had replaced me by another girl kinda and she stopped talking to me after I stopped talking first bc of my health issues#and the saddest part is that barely anyone out of all the people I’ve tried to befriend ever spoke to me anymore#this has been one of the loneliest periods of my life-the fact that I am useless apart from temporary entertainment and a person to waste#time with ? in fact I’m barely considered for these options in general#anyways so !!! I just gave up ! beforeeven the thought of cutting someone off I’d need to genuinely be held at gun point for someone to make#me cut off a bad person but now although I’m quite stressed still I’m lowkey ok with cutting off ppl#just bc of how absolutely horribly I’ve been abused and treated by all of them#sorry for being annoying I just needed somewhere to note this down I HATE being negative but all my life is negativity no matter how much I#distract myself with the very very few things I like (I only kinda like on thing here now … and even that I’m forcing myself to like it a#little …) so yeah I always feel guilty for saying these things and making these posts nobody has any idea how bad the guilt is but what else#can I do ? I don’t know …#like I have only ever confronted people TWICE my whole life not bc I’ve not been abused I’ve actually been really badly taken advantage of#consistently and without fail at every stage of my life but I don’t say anything bc I’m worried they’ll get upset#the reasons I ever said anything at the end is bc those ppl made me so suicidal more than usual and yeah … I Can cut them off right?#whatever whatever it doesn’t matter now my existence amongst them isn’t liked it seems anyways so why would they care if I left ?
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i bought my niece some clothes not too long ago when i went garage sale-ing, one of which was a blue dinosaur romper (idk if it’s called a romper it’s like the thing babies wear? like the thing you’d imagine if i said “baby clothes” idk i’m just the uncle) and a neon dinosaur button down. when i showed my mom what i bought she said “oh you would have LOVED those when you were little” which was weirdly validating. anyway i hope i’m passing on my impeccable sense of style
#she’s only 6 months old so she’s still too little to wear like any of the clothes i’ve bought her#but a long time ago when my friends first started having kids#i asked my mom what i should get them#and she told me if i do clothes i should do bigger sizes cuz everyone buys newborn and early months clothes#and never thinks to buy bigger clothes#so i’ve taken that to heart and always buy bigger clothes lmao
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The harm the Karen meme has done to women is honestly beyond description
#it’s hyperbole but I am being genuine#cause the way karen has evolved from ‘middle age white women having a tantrum over the smallest mishap’#to ‘women (still primarily white) reacting negatively to literally anything’ has affected the way people respond to women’s emotions#it has provided a new avenue for people to dismiss womens feelings whenever those feelings become inconvenient#like I’ve seen people call a women a Karen because in a candid photo of her taken without her consent she looked annoyed#nevermind the fact that a snapshot of her expression isn’t representative of her emotions in the moment nor what was causing those emotions#annoyance is a valid response to someone taking your photo with permission especially if it’s a stranger#like people have had their lives ruined because of a photo someone took of them (mary ann vecchio I remember you)#but some people really enjoy street photography and don’t want to grapple with ethics of it#so when a women reacts negatively to being the subject it’s easier to label her a Karen then to examine the morality of the thing they enjoy#more tragically though I’ve seen the Karen meme affect the way women responds to negative circumstances#like I’ve seen women afraid to correct mistakes or report abusive behaviour because they don’t want to be a karen’#which breaks my heart as it can already be difficult enough to speak up when something is wrong even with the fear of being viewed as a kare#I’m writing an essay at this point but to summarize karen meme bad
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.
#a mystery grab-bag of thoughts:#sometimes i just want to send you dumb memes out of nowhere and hope that the randomness and absurdity will make you laugh#when i do my daily crossword puzzles i wish we were sitting across from each other racing to see who finishes first#(but working together on the really difficult ones because god knows I’ll never get a Sunday NYT by myself)#i think of you often but especially when it’s raining#I’ve taken to making a pie every week—nothing fancy just something in a graham cracker crust that sets in the fridge#(so far i have one ol’ faithful recipe and I’ve had a couple of failures but they were still tasty)#my phone sometimes suggests a selection of pictures of you and it used to make my heart stop a little bit#but now i just look at your face and smile and think about how lovely it was to see you every day; I’ll cherish that#i never thought you were a ‘media bully’ but if I could return the favor I’d urge you to watch amc’s interview with the vampire#it’s so GOOD and so GAY and i have a small crush on Eric bogosian that goes in the same category as my crush on Greg Davies#and it’s quite funny in places like a dry humor that leans surreal/absurd#i dunno i think you’d appreciate it even though you’re not a horror person#i wish i could hold your hand and kiss your fingers and probably nibble on them a bit#(what can i say? I’m a cat)#i made some new glitter bottles this week and they look so pretty in the sun#today my Spanish lesson was about telling time#i have no problem remembering ¿a qué hora? but get tripped up on the format of answering#(son las (hora) y (minutos) and son (minutos) para las (hora) and i could get around it by only ever answering on the half hour)#I’m not like *confident* about my Spanish but I’m picking up more than what’s in English captions when i watch stuff which is neat#i do wonder if it’s sad or weird to still feel you here with me in my heart#but i think when someone is precious to you time and distance can’t really touch that love#anyway I’m going to go do my dishes instead of blithering here all night lol#sending you care and love and sunshine and flowers my darling dearest#💜#🌻
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