#I’ve officially had my graduation recently

[lavenderr-starrs]

[thnksfrthmmrs]

[mikkomacko]

Him and I Timeline

Pairing: Mob Boss Nico Hischier x reader

A/n: Here’s the official timeline of Mob Nico and readers relationship! I did my best to keep it simple and I linked some of the bigger blurbs I’ve written as you go through it. I’ve also included plans for future chapters with no big spoilers, and I will be updating with links to future blurbs and details!

2021

September

-Reader meets Nico at the Rock on a night out. She’s cheering up a friend that recently got out of a toxic relationship, deciding to visit the Rock for the first time because rumor has it “the boys are the hottest in the town.”

-Her and Nico enter a friends with benefit type of relationship for the next few months.

2022

January

-The Devils New Year’s party is actually a surprise birthday party for Nico’s 23rd birthday. At the party he discovers that reader was the one who planned it and she was also the only one to bring him a gift. Nico makes their casual arrangement exclusive, both agreeing to not see other people. They however do not have the official boyfriend/girlfriend talk.

-Reader goes home with Nico that night and addresses the rumors she’s been told about the Devils.

May

-Nico wants to keep moving forward with their relationship but is scared she won’t want to once she knows the details about his lifestyle. Instead of asking her to be his girlfriend, he tells her about how he started the Devils, what they do, how they’re seen by others. He also tells her how dangerous it is.

June

-Reader graduates from college. A few days before the ceremony she tells her parents about Nico, wanting to invite him to her celebration dinner. They forbid it, tell her they know all about him and what he does. If she’s going to continue being with him they’ll have to cut her off.

-Nico tells her he wants to take her out for a fancy dinner to celebrate. She admits that she wanted him to meet her family but her parents have given her an ultimatum. He asks her what she wants, trying his best to seem unaffected but it’s clear he’s upset to hear that her family already disapproves of him. She says she still wants him there, despite what they think.

-Knowing it’ll be even more damaging for him to show up to dinner with her family, Nico and a few of the boys surprise her at her ceremony. Him being there makes the decision clear for reader. At dinner that night, she tells her parents she chooses Nico. That’s the last night she speaks to them.

-Nico, scared and blaming himself for taking her family away from her, breaks up with her four days after the ceremony.

August

-Reader is waiting out her lease with her college friends for the summer. She’s spent the past few months talking to Timo when she can, but she mostly distracts herself with partying and working odd jobs. Nico’s decision to end things between them left her lost, questioning her own judgment and she’s second guessing her career plans, her future, and herself.

-Nico has spent the months since their breakup trying to make himself better. He wants to feel worthy of reader giving up her family. He also needs time to figure out how to make the Devils safe for reader.

-On a weekend out with the boys, he’s driving Timo home when his friend gets a call from reader. She’s drunk and upset, begging Timo to please come get her from a house party in Jersey City. Nico immediately goes to get her. They get to the house and reader freaks when she sees Nico. She’s angry and doesn’t want to see him. Nico begs her to hear him out, but she’s too drunk and heartbroken to pay attention. Timo calms her down, asks what happened. Her friends had said awful things about the way Nico treated her and teased her for being naive enough to try and be with him. She doesn’t want to go back to her place with them, so Nico takes her to Timo’s.

-Nico shows up at Timo’s the next day with a matcha for her and pleads for her to just take a walk with him. Unable to ever tell him no, she does. On this walk, Nico explains himself, explains how he needed to fix himself before he let things get too serious with her. He wasn’t ready before but he is now. For the first time, Nico tells her he loves her and that he wants to take care of her, if she’ll let him.

-Reader says she’s loved him for awhile not and she’s just been waiting for him to accept the fact that he’s been in love with her the whole time too. They officially get together as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Blurb here

September

-Nico helps reader move into her own place. She’s working with a big catering company, assisting with finances and scheduling, but she’s struggling with finding a career she actually wants. It goes unspoken but they both know she’s still insecure from Nico sudden breakup with her. She’s also still mourning the loss of her family and now her friends.

October

-In attempts to cheer her up, Nico takes her to a concert in Manhattan. That night reader is taken by Philly.

-She officially moves in with Nico a week after Philly. That same week, Luke officially joins the Devils and moves into the loft with Jack and Dawson.

-Nico steps back from work to be with reader.

November

-Nico gifts reader her pendant, officially putting her under the protection of him and the Devs.

-He buys a mansion in Jersey, hires a team to gut the house. Together him and reader design their dream home. It’s a good project and distraction for her, but he can tell everyday that she’s fighting hard to try and be ok.

December

-Reader is at her lowest, refusing to eat and get out of bed. All she does is sleep and cry. She admits to Nico that she needs help, she thinks she sick.

-Nico is trying to take care of her. He goes with her to her appointments with a therapist, does his best to hold her up when it seems like talking is making it worst, and doing his best to keep the smile on her face when it looks like it’s working.

-They celebrate Christmas together just the two of them, reader still not wanting to see any of the boys.

2023

January

-Reader is falling back into a slump. Nico takes her to Pittsburgh where they spend new years and his birthday with Johnny and Sid. She looks happy when they’re there, but it’s not enough.

-Mid-January Jesper gets a call from a friend back home, begging him to take in a teenage boy that’s been kicked out by his family and in desperate need of some help. Nico accepts, and Jesper flies out to go get Alex Holtz.

-Her and Nico agree, and she distracts herself with getting ready for the teenage boy coming to Jersey. They plan to move him into the loft with the younger boys.

-She’s the one to greet him first at the airport and when her and Nico take him to see the loft, he wants to stay close to reader. She and Nico decide he’ll live in the apartment with them.

February

-Alex has really brought reader out of her slump. She’s genuinely happy with him and together they talk about their families and she tells him about Philly.

-Nico, happy that she’s doing better and wanting to keep her moving upwards, asks reader if she’d like to learn the basic training the devs go through when they join. She accepts and has daily lessons with Nico.

March

-They move into the house, where reader is gifted Moose. Alex is surprised with his own room at the house instead of going to the loft.

-Reader is struggling through her lessons with Nico but is trying to fight through them.

May

-At a plateau in her training with Nico, reader goes to Timo and tells him that she thinks she wants to stop. She doesn’t know if she’s meant to be a devil.

-She admits that it’s hard to train with Nico. His presence keeps her from focusing and she ends up breaking down in hard sessions. Nico is also struggling in pushing her, immediately stopping whenever she looks upset or scared. She’s afraid all he can see is her when she was sick, that he might think she���s weak.

-Timo offers to take over. She goes to Nico and requests he take over, saying it’ll be easier to focus and learn from the person who’s been her friend since day one. And Timo won’t have a hard time pushing her. Nico agrees, assigns Timo the job of guarding and training her. He returns to work with the Devs.

-Their first order of business is bringing Johnny to New Jersey.

-Johnny comes to the devils on June 1st.

-Two days later Nico gifts reader her ring, making her an official member of the devs rankings.

2024

November

Main storyline

2025 (Chapters coming soon)

April

-Reader and Nico, done basking in their engagement, get to planning a summer wedding.

-Reader and Nico have altercations with her family and secrets get out when a relative from Italy comes to town.

2026 (Chapters coming soon)

August

-Reader and Nico get married on the 13th, the day they first declared their love to each other.

-They have an unexpected reunion with an old friend on their honeymoon

2027 (Chapters coming soon)

February

-Nico and reader decide they want to try for a family. Together, they begin plans and preparations for how a child will fit into the Devils lifestyle in a healthy and safe way.

May

-Reader and Nico are officially expecting their first child.

December

-Nico’s family comes to visit for the holidays.

-The first Hischier baby is born

2030 (Chapters coming soon)

June

-Nico and reader welcome twins to their little family.

2032 (Chapters coming soon)

January

-Reader and Nico are surprised with the last piece of their little family.

[todorokis-girl]

Later - Bakugou x f!reader

After years of distance and regrets, Bakugo and Y/N reunite in a private, bittersweet moment, finally confronting the feelings they’d left unspoken and finding their way back to each other.

The air buzzed with anticipation as the recent U.A. graduates gathered outside the hero certification facility, each ready to take the final step toward earning their official hero licenses. Y/N was pacing at the edge of the crowd, nervous energy radiating off her as she tried to steady her breathing.

“Oi.” A familiar, gruff voice cut through her thoughts, and she looked up to see Bakugo standing in front of her, arms crossed and his gaze just a little sharper than usual. “You’re not gonna screw this up, right?”

She gave a shaky laugh, more out of nerves than amusement. “I’ll do my best. Not sure it’ll be as easy as you make it look.”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, right. ‘Best’ isn’t good enough here. You better pass.” He looked at her then, really looked at her, something unspoken flickering in his gaze before he forced it back. “Don’t make me have to drag you over the finish line.”

She managed a small smile, resisting the urge to say something deeper, something that might show him just how much she valued his support. “Good luck, Bakugo. I know you’ll crush it.”

For a second, he didn’t respond, as if weighing whether to say something more. But he just gave a stiff nod, his usual bravado muted. “Same to you, Y/N. Don’t hold back.”

They held each other’s gaze for a beat longer before turning away, each focused on the test ahead, yet carrying a weight neither dared to address.

The crowd was alive with celebration as new heroes gathered to share in their achievement. Y/N scanned the room, feeling the warmth of victory and relief. Her eyes fell on Bakugo, standing alone, his usual intensity softened in the glow of his accomplishment.

Before she knew it, her feet were carrying her toward him, and when he noticed her, something in his expression shifted—an unspoken acknowledgment of everything they’d been through to reach this point. Without hesitation, she threw her arms around him, pulling him into a hug, her gratitude and joy too much to hold back.

To her surprise, he returned the embrace, albeit stiffly, as if unsure how to handle it. “Don’t get all sappy on me now,” he muttered, his voice low. But he didn’t pull away, holding her just a moment longer than necessary.

“Can’t help it,” she teased, pulling back to look at him, her gaze softening. “We did it. I’m proud of us.”

His jaw tensed, and he looked away, as if trying to guard himself against the warmth in her words. “Yeah, well… took long enough.”

“Bakugo,” she said quietly, braving the words she’d been carrying for too long, “I… I’ve been meaning to talk to you. About us. I mean, I think there’s—”

But before she could finish, the group of friends and heroes-in-training around them surged, pulling them apart in the excitement of celebration. Bakugo’s eyes lingered on her as they were separated, and she thought she saw something unguarded there, just for a second, before he turned away, hands stuffed in his pockets, his shoulders tense.

“Yeah. Later,” he said, almost to himself, and the words were lost in the noise of the crowd.

Y/N’s fingers hovered over her phone, Bakugo’s name glowing on the screen. Her heart pounded as she considered calling him, thinking back to that hug and the words they’d left unsaid. She could practically hear his voice in her mind, the gruff, reassuring tone that had been her anchor through so many storms.

But before she could press the call button, her phone buzzed in her hand, startling her. It was an unknown number, and reluctantly, she answered. “Hello?”

“Y/N L/N?” a voice on the other end spoke, formal and clipped. “This is the Hero Commission. We’re assigning you to an urgent mission overseas, effective immediately. You’re needed for a high-stakes undercover operation, duration indefinite. Your agency will receive the full briefing, and a representative will meet you at the airport.”

Her heart sank, her mind whirling. The mission—she’d heard whispers of it but hadn’t expected to be pulled in so suddenly. She looked back down at her phone, Bakugo’s name still lighting up the screen, the call she’d been moments away from making now impossible.

“When do I leave?” she managed, her voice a strained whisper.

“You’re expected to report to the airport in three hours. We trust you’ll be there on time.”

After the call ended, she sat there, staring at her phone, the weight of her decision crushing her. She could make the call, confess everything, ask him to wait. But she knew it wouldn’t be fair—not to him, not with how long and uncertain this mission would be.

With a shaky breath, she turned off her phone, placing it face-down on the table before grabbing her packed bag, leaving everything she’d been waiting to say behind.

Years Later

Y/N hadn’t expected to be back in Japan so soon. The mission overseas had taken everything she had, stretching over years with no breaks, no contact, no hope of return. She’d buried herself so deep in her role that the thought of home had felt almost… impossible. But now, with the mission over and her body heavy with exhaustion, she found herself alone in the quiet of an agency conference room, trying to adjust back to reality.

She hadn’t let herself think about him in so long. The regret had faded over time, dulled by distance, but now, standing here alone, it came rushing back with a vengeance. She didn’t know if he was even here anymore, or if he’d want anything to do with her.

Then the door creaked open, and there he was. Bakugo stood in the doorway, taller, broader, with an intensity in his gaze that hadn’t faded one bit. For a long moment, neither of them spoke, each just staring at the other, as if unable to believe they were real.

“Y/N,” he said, his voice rough, guarded. He didn’t step forward, staying rooted in place, his fists clenched at his sides. “Didn’t know you were back.”

She forced a smile, though it wavered. “Just got in. They… let me go early.”

Silence settled between them, thick and weighted with all the words they hadn’t said. She wanted to move closer, to say something, but the wall he’d built around himself was almost tangible, keeping her at a distance.

“I… thought about calling,” she murmured, voice barely audible. “But I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me after all this time.”

Bakugo’s jaw tightened, his gaze flickering to the floor. “Didn’t think you cared. You left without a word, and I—” His voice cracked, and he took a sharp breath, as if trying to steady himself. “Figured you’d moved on.”

“No,” she whispered, finally taking a hesitant step toward him. “I never moved on. I just… I thought you’d be better off without me.”

He let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “Better off? You have any idea how long I waited? How many times I thought about going after you?” His voice softened, and he looked up at her, the pain in his eyes raw, unguarded. “You think I didn’t care?”

She took another step forward, her hand reaching out, fingers brushing his. “I didn’t know… I was afraid if I asked you to wait, it wouldn’t be fair.”

He hesitated, looking down at her hand before finally meeting her gaze, his eyes full of the hurt and longing he’d carried all these years. “And now?”

Her hand trembled in his, but she held on, her heart pounding as she finally voiced the truth. “Now… I’m here. And I don’t want to run anymore.”

For a moment, he didn’t move, his expression a mixture of disbelief and anger, before he pulled her into his arms, his grip firm, as if afraid she’d disappear again. They stood there, locked in a silent embrace, years of longing and regret melting away as they clung to each other, each wordless promise hanging heavy between them.

Neither of them spoke, but in that moment, they knew there would be no more goodbyes.

Bakugo’s arms tightened around her as if he was afraid that if he loosened his hold, she’d disappear again. He pulled her close, his face buried against her shoulder, and she felt his heartbeat pounding in sync with her own. After all these years, neither of them moved to let go.

“Don’t—” His voice was rough, a low growl, muffled against her. “Don’t even think about pulling this crap again, you hear me?”

Her hand settled on his back, fingers clutching at the fabric of his jacket. “I’m not going anywhere, Bakugo,” she whispered. “Not anymore.”

For a long while, they stayed locked together in the silence of the empty conference room. She could feel the hesitation in his touch, the battle between anger and relief, and a small, sad smile formed on her lips. She knew that leaving had hurt him, that maybe it had hurt him more deeply than she’d allowed herself to imagine all these years. And that hurt had sat, festering, unaddressed.

He finally drew back, just enough to look at her, his eyes dark, guarded. His face was so close she could see every scar, every line—reminders of the battles he’d fought in her absence. His thumb brushed over her cheek, the touch light but lingering.

“You really think I’d just… forget about you?” His voice was a low rumble, but his gaze held a vulnerability she hadn’t seen before. “After all that?”

She swallowed, feeling the weight of his words settle around her heart. “I didn’t want to make you wait for something that… that might not have even happened. I didn’t know when I’d be able to come back, or if—”

“If you’d make it back at all,” he finished, his voice harsh, but there was a flicker of understanding there. He exhaled, frustration evident in his expression. “You didn’t give me a damn choice, Y/N. That’s what pissed me off the most. You took off without saying a word and left me with nothing but—” He cut himself off, clenching his jaw. “You don’t get to decide that for me.”

“I know,” she said softly, looking away, guilt settling in her chest. “I thought it would be easier for you if… if you didn’t know. I thought that if I came back, maybe we could pick up where we left off, but…”

“But?” His hand was still on her cheek, his thumb grazing over her skin, almost absentmindedly.

“But I didn’t know if you’d still… if you’d even want to see me.” She forced herself to meet his gaze, her own eyes searching his for any hint of the feelings they’d once left unsaid. “If you’d moved on.”

A bitter laugh escaped him, and he shook his head, his fingers trailing down from her cheek to her jaw, his hand finally resting against her neck. “Stupid,” he muttered, but there was no real heat in his words. “How could I move on? I tried, okay? But every time, it was like… like I was just waiting for you to show up again.”

She felt the sting of tears but blinked them back, managing a shaky smile. “You always were stubborn, Bakugo.”

“And you’re impossible.” His voice softened, his thumb brushing against her skin with a gentleness that made her heart ache. “I’m mad at you, you know that?”

“I know.” She hesitated before adding, “And I’m sorry. I should’ve trusted you. I should’ve… I should’ve told you everything before I left.”

He seemed to consider that, his hand slipping from her neck to hold her face between his palms. “You’re right. You should have.”

She bit her lip, a rush of nerves washing over her as she forced herself to say the words that had stayed buried all this time. “Bakugo… I never stopped thinking about you. Even after all these years, you’re… you’re the only one I’ve ever wanted.”

His eyes softened, the anger finally giving way to something raw, something she recognized as the feelings they’d both carried since U.A., since their paths had diverged. He leaned in, his forehead pressing against hers as his hands remained on her face, grounding her.

“Y/N.” His voice was barely a whisper, but it was filled with more emotion than she’d ever heard from him. “I waited for you. Don’t ever make me wait again.”

A tear slipped down her cheek, and she let out a shaky laugh. “I won’t. I’m here now.”

And then, finally, he kissed her. It was slow, hesitant at first, as if testing the weight of years that had kept them apart. But as the kiss deepened, she felt the walls around her heart begin to crumble, the regrets and doubts melting away as he held her close, grounding her in the warmth of his touch.

When they finally broke apart, he pressed his forehead against hers, his breath warm against her skin. “I hate you for making me wait so damn long,” he whispered, but the softness in his tone told her that he didn’t mean it.

She chuckled, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him close again. “Guess I’ll have to make it up to you then.”

“Damn right, you will,” he murmured, his lips finding hers again, as if he was making up for every second he’d missed.

[marilynthornhilllover]

An Important announcement ⭐️

So as some of you may know, though I’m not quite sure if I’ve said this before but before I was a writer on here I was an editor (still do sometimes). And I found out about tumblr from a friend @slut4milfsss who’s not active anymore :(. Basically she used her work piece for the intro in one of her edit and I was like “ I need to know where I can read that” and she directed me over here. And honestly at first I had absolutely no business or urge to write fics…. Until there were barely any Marilyn thornhill fanfics on here at the time, hence the reason for my username so I began writing my own fics and over time I eventually started writing on different characters/fandoms.

I’ve loved writing since I was in elementary school but my love really grew in high school, and I loved literature and I had that fattest crush on my professor Ms. Lane who’s now Mrs. Cambridge ( don’t worry guys she knows and she’s honestly fine with my little story lmao). Growing up with parents who had money wasn’t always the nicest experience, most of the time I used writing as a coping mechanism with my depression and anxiety.

Graduating high school a bit early,and then before going to college I took a gap year to really decide what I wanted to do with my life and I decided whole heartedly on psychology! But anyway cut the long story short, I’ve had this app for 2 1/2 years which is crazy because it feels like yesterday when my writing started getting recognition. I’m honestly so proud of the work I did and the friends and amazingly talented and supportive writer buddies I’ve come across but unfortunately I’m not 18, 21 and 23 anymore next year (2025) I’m gonna be 25….😭😔. Time flew so much! I literally remember my high school days, college days and university days as well as my gap year in London so well.

I’m a clinical psychologist and in June I did my final course exams and I’m now officially an badge clinical psychologist with my own office in NYC and let’s just say I love my job it has a deeper meaning behind it and waking up everyday and getting the privilege to meet and therapy patients struggling with their MH and working along side some of the best doctors has always been my dream. Recently I’ve started another short course work in neuroscience and it’s so intriguing. Trust me wasting your 20’s away in degrees is not boring it’s worth it.

With that being said. This year wasn’t the best or easiest year for me. Don’t even get me started on 2023.I’ve got a lot of good things going for me right now, new friends, for the summer I traveled to L.A, I went to one the the VP’s rally where I got a picture with her, new experiences and most of all I think I may have met the love of my life! <3. And now going into 2025 I need space and a little breather. I wanna do some new stuff, I wanna travel and I wanna be happy with friends and family and work on some personal relationships and most importantly myself.

With that being said I will be taking a break from tumblr and taking a step back from this account and writing in general . I don’t know when I’ll be back or if I’ll ever be be back (that’s not decisive as yet for now I promise it’s just a break) I’ve taken breaks before, especially before my CPB exams and some random anon people decided to bash me in my own anon box as if I don’t have a life of my own….. but anywaysss I know I have a bunch of requests in my inbox which I will try to get through while I’m away along with CHP 10 the finale of my lady d series. I do love writing for you guys and this app has been my safe place and just a place of peace, smiles, experiences and growth, and I don’t know why I feel like I’m out growing my jacket. But I do want to focus on certain areas in my life now before I make decisions I don’t want to. I’ll always come back and reblog and share my love and support once in a while so don’t worry.

So To all my favorite writers @regalbootie @daydream-cement @prettygreenpills @littledollll @cissyenthusiast010155 @v3nusxsky @d4rkhold @wifeofnatasharomanoff @milfsloverblog @brienneoftarth1989 @willalovexx @daddy-heather-dunbar @togrowoldinv @kararomanoff @harksness @weemssapphic @storiesofsvu2-0 @schemmentigfs @ottiliaxwritten @ilovehugslikealotalot @m1lfsh4ke @gamma-rae-bursts , more in numbers than I can ever tag ( sorry if I didn’t tag you! I literally can’t remember the rest) , sorry for the random tag as well guys 😭☹️ but I do wanna say a small heart felt thank you, not only for being the most generous, genuine, kind, supportive, authentic, optimistically talented writers I’ve ever encountered but for just doing what you do, being a writer can be so hard and it takes endless courage but you guys manage to come through regardless. I remember reading some of you guys work and was in constant awe, most of my motivation and will power to write and be inspired came from you guys. And to my mutuals…. @willalovexx @luisa323 @milkiedimitrescu @m1lfsh4ke @gamma-rae-bursts @mymiraclewitch @kmaxmadness (and again sorry if I forgot anyone) Words cannot describe how much I love you guys. My love pours out beyond words, I will always cherish the continuous amount of love, generosity and support you all have given me. Especially the love you showed to me in times of anon hate and towards my fanfics. I truly did enjoy my time on this app all the fun times 😂 and most definitely the comments. I’ve made so many friends on here like Heidi who deactivated her account sadly but we are still so close and talk everyday on instagram.

I forbid any tears from this post!😤 but I really do love you guys and I will always think of each and everyone of you. And I wish nothing but the best for all you!🤍🌸. Remember to stay true to yourselves, go out with friends, fall in love, do silly things, give yourself a reason, do what makes you happy! Always…. And please do take breaks. Don’t write your life away when there’s so many amazing opportunities, experiences and people waiting. The world is waiting, the life than you want is waiting. Merry Christmas to those who celebrate, wishing everyone a very heart felt holidays and happy new year!🎆🎊

— sincerely, your best friend.

[keep-both-eyes-on-trump]

I grew up in a swing state, in a rural county, surrounded by white people and steeped in traditional Catholic values. I grew up staunchly conservative surrounded by similarly conservative people. My neighborhood was all white. My mom once told me a story about how a black family had been run out of our small town. My school class had almost one-hundred fifty students with one black girl who’d been adopted into a white family and one native american boy. In high school there was one out gay boy who wasn’t even in my grade and six teen pregnancies that were in my grade. 

As I was approaching official adulthood, the ripe old age of eighteen, I was already drawing away from some of my family’s core values. I was no longer attending church on Sundays, to my father’s existential horror that he had failed to save my soul, having reached the conclusion that their teachings on the sins of queer people and the expected submissiveness of women were wildly off base. I was generally in favor of then President Obama’s policies despite my family’s overt assertions that he was one of the worst presidents in recent history. Though I had been a supporter of John McCain in 2008, unable to vote, by November 2012 I was in my first semester of college surrounded by more diversity than ever before and tentatively supportive of Barack Obama and even more tentatively hopeful he would win again. 

When asked, I told my parents truthfully that I hadn’t voted and received a lecture on my failure to uphold my civic duty. I did not mention that I was more than satisfied with the outcome of the election. 

Like many who attend higher education, especially those in my chosen field of social work, I became more and more democratic with my views during my three years spent completing my degree. By the time I moved to one of the largest cities in my state to complete my graduate degree, I was what Trump would refer to as “radically” and “dangerously” left and, as you know from my first post, voted for the first time for Hillary Clinton in 2016. 

This time, when asked if I voted, I lied. I also began to test the waters, bringing up topics to discuss that I had previously avoided only to discover that my family was as conservative through and through as I remembered and more than a few of them were openly dismayed at how college had “libralized” me even though I had admitted to nothing. 

Since then I’ve remained silent when politics are brought up, when racist or sexist comments are made, and when my cousin called her gay principle “disgusting” for having a family photo on his desk. I’ve said nothing when family called President Biden a failure or a “fucking idiot”, claimed that women shouldn’t be president, and believed Trump did the best he could with COVID-19 pandemic, if they even acknowledged it as a pandemic at all. 

I stayed silent out of fear. I was, am, afraid of their reactions, of what they would say to me and about me if I voiced just how divergent my opinions are from theirs. If I said outright, “I am Pro-Choice, I believe in supporting LGBTQ+ rights and protections and teaching comprehensive sex education to children, I agree with universal healthcare and free public post-secondary education and student loan forgiveness.” 

I’ve lied out of fear too. Lied about voting, lied about getting flu and COVID vaccines, lied about being queer. 

And now it’s time to stop. And this is the first step. Putting metaphorical pen to metaphorical paper, shouting out into the void and entrenching myself in what I used to ignore. It may take a moment before I challenge anyone in my life outright but that’s okay. It’s the steps forward that count, it’s holding on to what you believe and speaking out in whatever way is achievable for you. 

If you, like me, find yourself surrounded today by those who subscribe to far-right beliefs, remember: they may be louder, they may be meaner, but you are not alone. We are here with you. 

The Watcher

[giggly-squiggily]

(Headcanons to Dabbles: OFFICIALLY CLOSED)

Heyo! So given the grand total of headcanons this event was an odd number, I decided to throw in my own for an even 70! It was a hard choice, but given I'm rewatching it and also the recent amount of tickle content I've seen in the community lately- I bring you my first watched anime ever (technically that was Naruto but shhh): Death Note! :D (Lee!L to be exact- hehehe)

This takes place during the Yotusba arc, so spoilers ahead! (Also cause like- that's the only arc I could realistically make them have tickle fights in- if you know you know)

“Ryuzaki…” Light didn’t know where to even begin with his question. He knew the answer, but a part of him wanted to believe otherwise.

“Yes?” L turned that obsidian gaze at him, half of his face luminated by his computer screen. The sight would have been more intimidating had he not been fighting off a yawn. “What is it?”

“I..” Light shook his head, steeling his nerves. “Have you been drinking water? Like- at all? I swear since we’ve been cuffed together, I’ve never seen you consume anything beyond tea and coffee.” And sweets- but that would have sent them off a different tangent.

L stared at him, nearly motionless. His eyes widened a fraction, the only indication he was surprised. Light raised a brow at him, waiting.

A stare down. Finally…

“Coffee has water in it.” L offered, voice somewhat sheepish. Light nearly fell out of his chair with how hard he rolled his eyes.

“You’re getting water. Now.” He got up from his chair, making his way towards the office kitchen with little luck. “You’re probably so dehydrated, Kira could make you spontaneously combust!”

“Interesting theory. Is this your way of saying you’re Kira?”

“I’m not-” No. Don’t play into his game. “Water. Now.”

“I’m not thirsty, though.” L remained, an unshakable stone despite Light’s insistent pulling. “Besides, if I drink anything now, I’ll need to use the bathroom.”

“Good- it’ll give you a reason to stretch.” Frustrated, he walked over and grabbed the back of L’s chair, dragging it behind him on his way. “You should consider investing in a chair with better wheels.”

“Maybe I’ll get a chair with no wheels at all.” L- the little bastard- hung onto the desk like a stubborn child. Light felt his temper rise at how ridiculous it was. Wasn’t he older than him? Why did Light- a freshly graduated college student have more sense of self-preservation than this blockhead of a detective? “Really, you worry too much.”

“I’ll give you five seconds.” Light glared, hands on his hips.

“35 less than usual?”

Screw it. “Come here!” Light didn’t know why- maybe it was the hour, his frustration, or just because the other day he saw Watari do it and now he wanted to see it for himself, but he proceeded to grab L’s sides from behind, drilling into his ribs rapidly.

The reaction was surprising and instantaneous and utterly perfect.

“Gah! Aheahahhahahah! Dohohon’t, thihihihs is stuhuhuhupid! Gheahahahah, ghehehet oohohohff!” L cried, unlatching from the desk as he curled up in a ball in his chair. Somehow, the damn thing didn’t fall over- giving Light the chance he needed. Still tickling, he dragged him far enough from his computer until he could comfortably walk to the sink.

L gasped and groaned, hands on his sides and mind suddenly fuzzy with overstimulation. Residue giggles and laughs broke through his slow deep breaths, his eyes closed and his face pressed into his knees.

Something chilly pressed into his hand, making him look up. Light stood before him with a glass of ice water.

“Drink.” He ordered, even when L frowned. “Ryuzaki.”

“Fine, fine.” He took the cup, frowning the entire time he drank from it. Finishing it off, he showed it to the other boy with a pout- very much like a child made to eat his vegetables. “Happy?”

“Very much so.” Light refilled the cup before returning to the desks, forcing L to stand up and walk back. “And you even stretched. See? Was that so hard?”

L’s sharp jab to his ribs before sitting down was all the answer he got, sputtering water everywhere while the other man smiled.

Petty bastard.

[uzlolzu]

Hi uzlolzu! Your art is so unique and captivating you've been my favourite artist since I was a teenager! I've recently graduated uni now and have done some freelance jobs here and there and I'm wondering how someone goes about building a stable freelance career as an illustrator. Can you share how you started?

Hello and thank you! That’s flattering and I’m very happy to hear it.

I can! Or I will try. It’s a pretty tricky question to answer, because my path into this has been organic and, in a way, one of least resistance.

In short: I was born into it.

Not in an “I’m the chosen one” way, of course, but in that my parents are artists and designers. Both currently work as graphic designers and have worked with illustration in the past. My mum is also a tailor and my dad is a wood carver (my sister does wonderful ceramics and has an education in tailoring too). Art and design, and working in those fields, is a core pillar of my family life.

All of this was pretty convenient for me regarding pursuing a career in illustration; I’ve always had access to all digital and traditional materials I’ve ever needed to draw or paint or do any craft (my first tablet was a 1999 Wacom Intuos 1), I grew up in an environment that was encouraging even when nothing was said, AND I had my parents’ extensive professional network available to me as soon as I was old enough to work. That last part has probably been more important than my level of skill ever was. I was lucky. I hit the ground running. So I can’t really remember a time where design or art of some sort wasn’t already my “career” (in my mind, I had an art career when I was four). It took quite a few years before I understood that I could technically have other jobs.

That said, my first paid jobs were photo editing ones that I got through my parents, not illustration. They were touch-ups, extending, cropping, resizing, masking… Those things that Photoshop often can do on its own now (or at least streamline) but couldn’t when I started almost 20 years ago (though PS and I have been friends for almost 30). Eventually, I got to do small illustrations for the same publications I had edited photos for, as well as some others. These kinds of illustrations still constitute a large part of my work hours, though in greater numbers and larger batches. They aren’t the flashiest, but they pay well. I also still work with my parents often. We’re all self-employed, but it’s really a family business setup at the core.

Moving outside of my inherited network…: I got my table top RPG-jobs by becoming part of the Swedish indie and semi-indie TTRPG scenes, which aren’t very big. It was straightforward to be visible enough and many people had their own (often tiny) projects that needed illustrations. Some of them contacted me. I think a not insignificant portion of the Swedish TTRPG game designers know who I am now, but I started small. Role-playing is one of my biggest hobbies, so networking came naturally. In my experience, these are flashier pictures to make, but rarely pay well (with some glorious exceptions). Anyway: If you have a specific field you want to work in, get involved in that field. There’ll probably be more people who want illustrations than people who illustrate in it.

Then there’s the concept art. I worked as a concept artists for Ubisoft Massive for a few years, and got this job partly through the game developer school (The Game Assembly) that I went to and partly because of my skills, I guess. But TGA and its proximity to Massive was instrumental. Game art is the only profession I have a formal education in.

So, when I started “officially”, I was already in a pretty good situation for it. Another important factor in my case, I think, is that I’m comfortable with many illustrator-adjacent disciplines as well, since the “packaging” or context of an illustration has always interested me. I use Adobe Illustrator and InDesign every week. Sometimes I do design work (layouts, logotypes, powerpoint presentations, annual reports, diagrams…), and I often do the in-betweens (infographics. Icons, patterns, other kinds of logotypes…). I prefer illustration and the in-betweens, but being open to branching out has given me more clients and, as a result, the ability to choose more freely which jobs I accept.

Either way. It’s really helped me to know a little something about all parts of a project, planning phase to phinished product. It makes it easier to talk to everyone involved, whatever their position and profession – programmer or printer. I know how to make a book from start to finish. It’s neat.

And, as you can see, there’s a lot of luck involved here and even if I know when I started getting paid, I can’t really say when I started developing the skills and the network I needed. That’s been a life-long process. And, of the two, I think the network has been more important for landing jobs than the depth of any particular skill of mine (though the variety of them might have helped). The more people who know you, the easier it’ll be, and that number of people will grow with the number of jobs you do. And I might as well add that physical meetings have worked better for me than just online contact. It’s easier to remember someone you’ve met, even if it was just for a few seconds.

And to finish off, I’ll add a few work samples that differ from what I generally post on Tumblr, since the ability to work in many styles has also benefitted me:

(Don’t let the text in the yellow box fool you. It’s Swedish lorem ipsum.)

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Ben Appel

Published: Dec 26, 2023

In 2021, Harvard evolutionary biologist Carole Hooven stated on a television news program that there are “two sexes” and that “those sexes are designated by the kinds of gametes we produce.” She added that “understanding facts about biology doesn’t prevent us from treating people with respect” when it comes to “their gender identities and use [of] their preferred pronouns.” Afterward, a Harvard graduate student, in her official capacity as director of the Human Evolutionary Biology Department’s Diversity, Inclusion, and Belonging Task Force, tweeted that Hooven’s “dangerous” and “transphobic” remarks made the department unsafe for transgender people. The Graduate Student Union took out a petition against Hooven, and, since no one would agree to serve as her teaching assistant, she had to discontinue her popular lecture course. This past January, under duress, Hooven retired from her position at Harvard.

More recently, I heard Hooven speak at a conference in Denver. She talked about academic freedom and her dedication to creating a just society. She said something I believe: that the truth is the way toward true social justice, and that the truth is what ultimately alleviates human suffering. After Hooven left the stage, I tweeted my thoughts about what she said, concluding, “Yep, I’ll die on that hill.” A Twitter user, in a now-deleted series of replies, responded, “Wish you would then. And quickly.” Later, this person elaborated, “Cis white conservative gays can all d*e. Please do, no one likes you.”

This might be the first time I’ve been called “conservative” for voicing my support of the truth and social justice. Right-wing homophobia is nothing new, though the enmity for “cis white gays” like me from the other side of the aisle has sadly also become widespread online. Here’s a very small sampling:

“[C]is white gay men are the weakest links and idc who knows it.” — @ann_forcino.

“ur rave wasn't ‘100% queer joy’ it was a warehouse party full of white cis gay men who want to dance and fuck each other lmfao [...] “that's not queer joy, that's f^g joy.” — @Maxies_back

“Chelsea and Hells Kitchen, more so than other neighborhoods in New York, produce nothing better than prissy, entitled cis White Power pretentious gay men, who don't respect diversity, or the rule of law.” — “LGBT for Change”

“Maybe they were right all along and white cis gays really do go to hell.” — Jerry Falwell @obssdwmlp

“Behind every bad man there is an even worse cis gay white man.” — @ANIMETWTDNI

“We need to realize that gay cis white men are still cis white men.” — @pettypiedpipertake

“Maybe homophobia against cis white gay men is valid.” — @heartIwin

“Noah Schnapp is also evidence that gays will truly go to h£ll. especially a cis white upper class gay like i genuinely, genuinely mean that and i’m sorry if that comes off as problematic.” [Schnapp is a 19-year-old Jewish gay actor who has spoken out in support of Israel in the wake of the October 7 2023 terrorist attacks.] — @brat6z

 “I love it when white gays erase the trans and black side of this flag [...] You faggots deserve to get hatecrimed to death.” — @daredevilshill_

Writing for The Nation in 1994, the gay playwright Tony Kushner argued that homosexuality and socialism are intrinsically linked. Homosexuals, he wrote, “like most everyone else, are and will continue to be oppressed by the depredations of capital until some better way of living together can be arrived at.” Kushner lamented the growing number of gay activists, like Andrew Sullivan and Bruce Bawer, who advocated a more pragmatic approach to equal rights. The radical contingent of the LGBT community has long pejoratively described these types of gay and bi people — those who prioritize marriage equality, the right to serve openly in the military, and peaceful inclusion in Western society — as “assimilationist.” Real gay liberation, the radicals argue, will result from razing Western civilization and its capitalist, cisheteropatriarchal system and rebuilding it in their utopian vision. Like the gay journalist Donna Minkowitz once said to Charlie Rose, “We don’t want a place at the table — we want to turn the table over.”

The thing is, the pragmatic approach won. Today, gay, lesbian, and bi people get married, serve proudly, have jobs, own homes, and raise families. Like black civil rights leaders who preached nonviolent protest and a politics of respectability, discerning LGBT activists took the long view. We don’t want to exist on the margins of society, they insisted, we want to participate in it. LGBT people, just like black Americans, are a vital part of the fabric of this nation.

But the radicals haven’t taken this defeat lying down. After the 2015 Supreme Court decision in Obergefell v. Hodges, which made marriage equality the law of the land, the radicals pounced. “You got what you want,” they seemed to say. “Now it’s our turn.” LGBT rights organizations, either under the influence of impatient extremists or in an attempt to stay relevant (i.e., donor-worthy), refocused their missions to a form of revolutionary activism that purports to fight on behalf of trans people but in practice agitates for a revolt against Enlightenment ideals, liberalism, capitalism, and even basic biology.

Every LGBT organization seemingly became an extension of a university Gender Studies department, whose purpose was not to produce new knowledge but to interrogate — or, in their academic lingo, queer — existing knowledge which they spuriously associate with “whiteness”, colonialism, and Western patriarchy. Alongside this, a new social hierarchy of disadvantage was erected, where everyone was in competition to be the most “marginalized” — and therefore deserving of resources, a voice, and power in the revolutionaries’ value system. According to that value system, being gay or bi seemed to matter far less if one were also white, cis, and male, and therefore deemed to be in cahoots with the oppressors.

In 2017, while I was a student at Columbia University, I interned for GLAAD, one of the largest LGBT organizations in the US. Not only had their mission absorbed this new orthodoxy, it had filtered down to the interpersonal level. On campus and at GLAAD’s offices, I was regularly called “cis” in a kind of sneering, vitriolic tone that reminded me more than a little of the bullies who called me “fag” in middle school. The oddest thing was that much of the vitriol was coming from people who didn’t seem to be LGB, or even T, but who identified only as nonbinary or “queer.” Many of the people I encountered seemed to be profoundly homophobic. Any gay or bi man that didn’t at least adopt he/they pronouns, especially if they were white, was considered assimilationist, right-wing, traitorous upholders of the evil sex binary.

I never quite got used to being eyed with suspicion by other activists for my normative, gender-conforming appearance, or the constant bad-faith interpretations of anything I said. The only cis white gays spared this unfairly cold treatment were the ones who made a public show of being self-hating — the ones who renounced their “cis white gayness” and frequently apologized for their white privilege.

It was alarming to be on the receiving end of such vitriol simply for being myself — for not shaving one side of my head, painting my nails, piercing my septum, and adopting plural pronouns. It was alarming especially because so much of the hate I received when I was young came precisely because I was way too sex-nonconforming (in fact, in middle school, my classmates would often ask me if I was a boy or a girl). I wondered if my peers cared that I had been mercilessly bullied as a gay kid, or that I had worked on a trans rights anti-discrimination campaign when they were barely teenagers. I knew that my volunteering for marriage equality wouldn’t earn me any points, since marriage was to them an antiquated Western institution and part of an “assimilationist” agenda. This attitude has become so entrenched in LGBT activist spaces, I suspect it partially explains why support for same-sex marriage among Gen Z Americans has dropped from 80% in 2021 to only 69% in 2023.

Last year, I got a little more clarity about this issue when I came across an article, also written in 1994, by Stephen H. Miller. The publishing journal, Heterodoxy, titled it “Gay-Bashing by Homosexuals,” although Miller’s original title was “Gay White Males: PC’s Unseen Target.” In the late 1980s and early 90s, Miller chaired the media committee of GLAAD’s New York chapter. In fact, Miller came up with GLAAD’s mission statement, which was to “fight for fair, accurate and inclusive representations of gay and lesbian lives in the media and elsewhere.” In the article, Miller wrote that he was “purged” from GLAAD in 1992 because he objected to the rising political correctness and censoriousness in the gay, lesbian, and bisexual movement. Similar to the cultural shifts of the past decade, Miller recounts how activist organizations began prioritizing race and gender (and of course, the Correct political views) over individual merit. New staff members had to attend “endless sensitivity sessions” which “identified white men (whatever their sexual orientation) as the oppressor class.” Suddenly, it seemed like there was more antagonism towards the “white males” within the LGBT rights movement than without. Miller, who described himself as a “political moderate who believed in dialogue with the straight world and a good-faith search for common ground,” found himself “shunned.”

The race and gender quotas that LGBT rights organizations began adopting, Miller wrote, included weighted voting that favored women and people of color. For example, after regional delegations of organizers for the 1993 March on Washington for LGB rights failed to achieve their quotas, it was decided that women’s votes would count for three votes apiece and non-white votes would count for two votes apiece. That decision — and the many others that have since followed in LGBT activist spaces — calls to mind some dark and creepy moments from American history best learned from rather than imitated.

Of course, this also raises the question: Who decides who is a person of color and who is white, and how? Will they apply the one-drop rule, the early 20th-century legal principle that deemed any American with even one black ancestor (“one drop of black blood”) as black? I suppose that would be illegal since the Supreme Court outlawed the one-drop rule in its 1967 Loving v. Virginia decision. And yet, I’m not surprised by these backward tactics. It was Ibram X. Kendi who recently wrote, “The only remedy to past discrimination is present discrimination. The only remedy to present discrimination is future discrimination.” Around and around we go.

Then as now, as Miller wrote, anyone who challenged this illiberal orthodoxy was “deemed racist and sexist” and accused of harboring the belief that “white men are the main victims of discrimination.” Naturally, Miller notes, such accusations serve to discourage people who sense this hostility toward gay white men from voicing their dissent.

Then after AIDS decimated gay and bi male activist communities, lesbian radical feminists moved in, and a “critical attitude toward men, male sexuality, and ‘the patriarchy’” became the norm. “Male solidarity, once a hallmark of gay liberation, is now anathema.”

A direct line can be drawn from this upheaval in the early 1990s and the divisiveness in today’s LGBT activist spaces, where “cis gays” — and, in particular, “cis white gays” — are seen as upholders of villainous Western cisheteropatriarchy and its henchman capitalism. These modern activists are sure to include “white” not only out of an animus against white people, but because they assume that all people of color are helpless victims of Western capitalism who, because of their oppression, invariably hold the “correct” far-left politics. In his aforementioned article, Kushner invoked Oscar Wilde, quoting “A map of the world that does not include Utopia is not worth even glancing at.” He added that he is “always suspicious of the glacier-paced patience of the right.” Writing for The Advocate, the gay writer Bruce Bawer responded that he and so many others are “impatient with models of activism that involve playing at revolution instead of focusing on the serious work of reform.”

This anti-“cis white gay” attitude proliferates in LGBT media as well. “White Gay Men Are Hindering Our Progress as a Queer Community” was the title of an article published in the magazine Them. “You had your time — now, we have other things to fight for,” read the subhead. “Let's Talk About People That Aren't Young Cis White Gay Men,” a HuffPost article was titled.

I could go on and on.

A few years ago, I attended a conference for LGBT journalists. There, I met a young, white, gay writer who would go on to work for a progressive news outlet in New York. He said his upbringing in a Southern state had made him racist, but since then, he has “trained” himself to be attracted to black and brown people, and now black and brown people are the only types of people he wants to sleep with.

If this is the “progressive” strategy for combating racism, I want no part of it. And any liberal cis white gay person who opposes racism won’t either. This is racism, operating under the guise of “anti-racism”, plain and simple. It attempts to end inequality by inverting it and, in the process, is attacking the foundations of the principles that have enabled the remarkable progress our society has made in transcending bigotry and prejudice. I only wish more people who saw this dogma for what it is were unafraid to voice the truth about it.

==

Homophobia and anti-gay hate are alive and well as progressive virtues.

[sednonamoris]

okay since i’ve just been saying things lately let’s keep these good vibes going and talk ghost story modern au 👻

in my head this whole situation is wildly different bc. well that’s the point of a modern au

john is a troubled criminal. he and abigail accidentally had jack quite young and john has been in and out of prison in the meantime for robberies and gang involvement etc. he’s a bit of a deadbeat. she keeps pushing for child support and he keeps insisting he’s not the father and it’s messy and they have definitely hit one another in more than one court room and subsequently been excused

the van der linde gang went down recently after micah got in bed w the law, working out a deal where he and dutch went free but everyone who didn’t get out soon enough took the fall. arthur was killed in the takedown. john, after watching his brother die and having been left for dead himself, has not only a chip on his shoulder but some decent time to do. towards the end of his sentence he participates in a criminal reformation program involving equine therapy

ghost is actually not a criminal in this one, and their family is still alive; they help run their family’s big ranching operation which just so happens to do outreach programs w the nearby prison. this is how they meet john

it’s john’s first time really handling a horse, and as ghost shows everyone how to muck stalls and mend fences and other basic horse/farm care, john finds that his determination to hate the whole program fades away. he’s mesmerized by ghost’s easy competency, and is now determined to match that skill. he starts asking questions and trying to pick up extra chores on every visit

when it comes time to assign the mustangs that each prisoner will work with and gentle, he’s easily the best in the group. john chooses a proud, crest-necked flaxen liver chestnut horse he calls old boy. at the program’s graduation, when the horses are publicly auctioned, ghost wins the bid for old boy. john is sad to leave him but thrilled he ended up w ghost, and ghost tell him that when he gets out he should stop by to visit

as soon as his sentence is up he does, and ghost’s father promptly offers him a job. he’s still a novice in all things ranching, but he’s loyal and he works hard and when they have problems with predators on the property line he’s the first to grab a rifle and volunteer to run them off. he and ghost forge a close, pining friendship, and after his first year there they officially gift him old boy back. he cries

it’s a whole new take on redemption for john. as he leans into his new responsibilities he starts to realize he can’t abandon his old ones and begins paying child support and visiting the son he’s barely fathered and the single mother he left to do it all. ghost’s dad is really proud of him, and so is ghost. when jack comes by the ranch ghost gives him his first riding lesson. they offer to teach abigail too, but she insists she likes her feet on solid ground. while ghost and jack are busy abigail advises john to act on his budding feelings for ghost, and not to mess things up this time

ghost loves dancing, so john mans up and asks them if they’d like to go out on the town with him. they grab some drinks at the local dive-bar and then ghost lights up once the line dancing starts. john has two left feet but he joins in beside them and they dance the night away, eventually confessing their feelings. they definitely fuck in the truck before heading back to the ranch (whore behavior)

then the paths diverge. either this is the redemption john didn’t realize he needed that he keeps earning every day and it’s happily ever after, or he learns about micah from sadie and they track him down and kill him. then things would spiral into a modern rehash of rdr1 where he’s eventually forced to track down his old gang members for arrest and instead of his promised immunity they lock john up again/stage an ‘accident’ :)

this is sort of the bare-bones Vision but i do daydream abt it often…. ❤️‍🔥

[josjournal]

New New Jobs (Full Moon Ficlet #519 - New)

Written for @fullmoonficlet

Stepping off the train, Derek took a deep breath. The crowds poured around him while he attempted to get his bearings. A sign over a doorway showed the street Derek needed. He forced his feet to move, heading out of the darkness and into the bright sunlight of his new life. 

Stiles hurried down the street. He couldn’t believe he’d overslept. His anxiety over his new job had kept him up too late, and he’d forgotten to charge his phone. Thankfully, his next-door neighbor had a loud-as-hell alarm that sent Stiles off his bed daily. He had ten minutes to get to his new job three blocks away before he was officially late.

“Sorry. Excuse me. Pardon me,” he shouted as he pushed through the crowds pouring out of the train station. He sometimes missed the slower pace of Beacon Hills, but moving to New York for college had been the right choice. He needed to put as much space between himself and the horrors of his high school years.

Now he’d moved to the city and had a job with a private sector cyber security company. He couldn’t wait to get started, but he needed to avoid getting fired before that could happen. He glanced at his new watch, a college graduation gift from his father, and ran smack into something solid and fell backward, landing on his ass.

“Shit,” a voice said before someone grabbed him by the arms and yanked him to his feet. “Are you alright?”

Stiles shook his head and then nodded before looking up and freezing. “Derek?”

Derek’s eyes widened. “Stiles? What are you doing in New York?”

Stiles ran a hand over his face, catching sight of his watch. “Risking getting fired before I even get started,” he shouted. “I’ve gotta run.”

“Stiles!” Derek called after him, a part of him not wanting to let go of this small part of his past, even if he was starting over.

“What?” Stiles called, not looking behind him. Derek wondered where he was headed.

“My number hasn’t changed!” he shouted, smirking when Stiles stumbled before writing himself and waving a hand over his head. Derek doubted Stiles would call, but at least now he knew someone might. His phone had been silent in the years since he’d left Beacon Hills behind after the fire that had killed his family.

He’d spent a few years in the middle of nowhere in Colorado before continuing East. Only recently did he know he needed to find something to do with his days, or the madness that had begun setting in would take complete control. He’d spent months searching for a job that wouldn’t drive him completely crazy and found one in New York.

Now, he stood in the middle of the sidewalk staring at the space Stiles had occupied only moments earlier and wondered if fate had somehow led him there. Shaking his head, he checked the GPS on his phone and started heading toward his new job.

Stiles stood in the elevator, bouncing on his toes. He should’ve taken the stairs, but he’d been winded from the shock of seeing Derek and his race to work. The doors slid open to reveal Trend Point’s home offices. A young woman with red hair stood at the front desk with a welcoming smile. She reminded Stiles of Lydia, his high school crush that a wild animal had killed, and he felt a twinge in his chest.

“You must be Stiles,” she said, holding out a hand for Stiles to shake. “We have one more new employee starting today, so if you’ll have a seat until he gets here.”

Stiles nodded and moved to sit on the seat closest to the desk. He pulled his phone out and stared down at it. Derek had said he hadn’t changed his number, but Stiles wondered if he’d meant it. It had been many years since Derek had left Beacon Hills, and no one had heard from him since. He should’ve listened to his father and called Derek when Scott had died on the lacrosse field, an asthma attack taking him out before the paramedics could get there.

Stiles shook his head, blinking back tears. He’d lost so many people growing up. His mom. The Hales. Derek. Scott. Lydia. He’d nearly lost his dad, but thankfully Melissa, Scott’s mom, had stepped in to pull him back from the edge. Hell, the woman pulled Stiles off a literal ledge at one point. She’d been the one who’d encouraged him to leave Beacon Hills, and he’d only done it knowing his father would be in good hands.

Now Derek was in New York. His memories went over the years, and Derek and his family played in so many of them that he felt tears spring to his eyes. He rubbed at them and hoped that the receptionist didn’t notice. Great first impression, crying in the lobby. He pulled up Derek’s contact info, thumb wavering over the screen. He took a deep breath. Just because he was starting a new life didn’t mean he needed to discard everything from the old one.

“Mine didn’t change either,” he typed. He pushed send just as the elevator doors opened.

Two things happened at once. A phone went off, and the receptionist called out. “Derek? Excellent. Now that you’re here, we can start this orientation.”

Stiles looked up, mouth hanging open as he studied Derek, who looked as stunned as he did. A smile spread across Derek’s face, and Stiles couldn’t miss the dampness in his eyes. “Hey, Stiles,” he said.

Stiles stood up and moved to stand next to him. “Derek.”

“You two know each other? Excellent! My name is Lisa Idaho, and I’m the front office coordinator,” she said. “Now, let's get moving.” 

She moved down the hallway, and Stiles started after her, stopping when Derek touched his arm. “You okay?” Stiles asked.

“Just making sure you’re really here,” he said. He would never tell Stiles that he’d imagined his childhood best friend and first crush too many times over the years.

“Dude, I’m here. You’re here. I think New York is going to be the new life I needed,” he said.

“New life for us both,” Derek said. They looked up when Lisa called their names, smiling fondly and shaking her head. “We should go before we both have to get new new jobs,” Stiles teased, grabbing Derek’s sleeve and pulling him along. Derek knew if they weren’t at work, he’d be taking his hand, and he hoped Stiles would want to get dinner that night.

Cross-posted to AO3

[aeoki]

Seven Bridges - Love and Peace?: Chapter 13

Location: Yumenosaki Soundproof Lesson Room Characters: Tsukasa, Ritsu, Arashi & Hitsugi

Tsukasa: My upperclassmen, it’s time to stop the chit-chat and start the Lesson.

Must I remind you by saying that you shouldn’t be hearing that from someone younger than you?

Ritsu: Oh, Suu-chan and… Anzu?

Hitsugi: Anzu-senpai!

Arashi: Hmm? Oh, you’re not the “producer” assigned to us this time, Hitsugi-chan? Why is  Anzu-chan here?

Ritsu: I welcome Anzu with my arms wide open though ♪

Tsukasa: I also don’t know the details but I found Onee-sa– I mean, I found the “Producer” wandering around the soundproof lesson room.

I beg your pardon? There’s an official “Producer course” and a lot of “Producers” now, so you want me to call you by name?

Then, I shall settle for Anzu Onee-sama. Hehe ♪

Ritsu: I noticed this some time ago but you’re not her little brother, Suu-chan.

Tsukasa: That doesn’t matter – Onee-sama is still my dear older sister ♪

Arashi: Hmm… Hitsugi-chan was chosen to be our producer, but you came to take a look because you were worried?

Are we not trustworthy? I guess we can be somewhat cold to outsiders but we wouldn’t bully Hitsugi-chan or do anything of that sort.

Ritsu: And Secchan graduated already.

Arashi: That’s right. “Knights” has gotten pretty mild now that Izumi-chan’s gone along with his hobby of picking on his juniors.

Tsukasa: Hm. You say there’s that but you were more worried about whether or not Hitsugi-san… can do his “Producer” work properly?

Oho, I see Hitsugi-san is well-known in the “Producer course” for being the number one failure there. His grades for the class quizzes are also quite low and…

He is a poor student for having failed the projects he’s been assigned to as a “Producer” multiple times.

Hitsugi: Ehe.

Ritsu: Why are you proud of that?

Arashi: I see. Hitsugi-chan doesn’t really know what to do and isn’t good at it, so it reminds you of when you first transferred to the school…?

You couldn’t leave him alone because he was someone you kinda knew, so you’ve been looking out for him a lot recently, huh.

Ritsu: So Anzu’s guardian switch got turned on, huh. She can be kinda motherly sometimes.

Looks like she’s the same as Maa-kun – Both of them can’t leave someone hopeless alone. Anzu’s had too much influence from “Trickstar”, for better or worse.

Arashi: Ehehe. I think Anzu-chan has always been kind, though.

Tsukasa: Hmm? What do you mean when you say he’s someone you know? Don’t tell me he’s your actual younger brother…!?

Hitsugi: Huh? What? My big sister isn’t Anzu-senpai.

Arashi: Don’t say something that’ll complicate things further. We sort of got to know each other a while back…

Hitsugi: Yes. They saved me because I was buried in the ground, so I’ve been sticking with Anzu-senpai a lot ever since.

We take the same classes in the “producer course”, after all.

Like me, Anzu-senpai also tends to be ostracised so we often pair up when we have to do pair work. We even eat lunch together.

Arashi: Now you two just sound like a pair of good friends.

Hitsugi: I’m honoured! Anzu-senpai’s a legendary upperclassman while I’m the most incompetent person in the “producer course”!

Ritsu: Anzu was pretty incompetent in the beginning too ♪

Tsukasa: Hehe. So that’s why Onee-sama empathises and looks out for him.

I’m envious if I’m honest. Hitsugi-san, was it? You’re aware you’re most inferior to everyone else and are positioned at the very bottom…

But when someone cares for you, they can feel like a guardian angel. They support you and help prevent you from feeling discouraged.

Please cherish that person.

Hitsugi: Okay! I’ll cherish the fate that brought us together! I’ll get Anzu-senpai to spoil me lots!

Ritsu: Ahaha. Anzu’s got a “come at me, I’m ready” kind of expression on her face.

Hitsugi: Anzu-senpai, you’ve probably got nothing else to do at school, right? The “Peace Party” has hogged all the work.

Anzu-senpai is basically deprived of any work as a “producer” at school.

Tsukasa: I see. Why is that? I don’t think there are any other outstanding “Producers” like her.

Ritsu: That’s not particularly true, but it looks like things are pretty chaotic in the “producer course" because they’re all squabbling over power and stuff.

Tsukasa: Is that so…? It’s rather peaceful in the “Idol course” – Almost as if last year’s fuss never happened.

Ritsu: The centre of the power struggle moved to ES along with Ecchan and the other alumni, after all.

You’d think that’s the reason why the school’s at peace now but the flame has yet to be extinguished.

Tsukasa: Hmm… I pray the flames won’t spread to the “Idol course”.

Idols and “Producers” are an inseparable relationship – I’m sure we cannot treat it as someone else’s problem.

Putting that aside, I went all the way to ES to fetch us new work, so I’d like to hold a Meeting with everyone.

Ritsu: Why ES? So that’s why I thought I haven’t been seeing you around lately…

Arashi: Tsukasa-chan, if you’re going to go off somewhere, be sure to let us know, okay? You had us worried.

Tsukasa: Oh, my apologies. It appears I have yet to rid myself of my bad habits from last year.

Arashi: Everyone basically did their own thing last year… huh.

Tsukasa: Yes. But that’s not enough as an excuse. I am now the leader of “Knights” so I must always be aware of what’s happening around me.

I do not wish to be a tyrant who does whatever he likes, you see.

Arashi: …Don’t brood over everything on your own, okay?

Ritsu: Yeah. We’re here too so you can rely on us.

Tsukasa: Right. I intend on getting the most out of my excellent upperclassmen ♪

Now, let’s move on to talking about work.

Since the “new members” tend to be ignored when it comes to work within the school, I went out of my way to visit ES to find work that all of us are able to do…

Arashi: That was probably unnecessary. Most people see “Knights” as us three since we’re the popular members, but I guess that can’t be helped.

Tsukasa: Yes. They’re even trying to call Sena-senpai who has graduated and is currently overseas.

It’s all ridiculous work that ignores the “new members” who are here in the country.

I don’t think anyone else other than us truly understands what “Knights’” current situation is like.

Putting my complaints aside, the work this time is related to Tanabata that’s coming next, next month.

Ritsu: Tanabata? Does that mean we’re doing “Tanabata Fest” this year too?

Arashi: It was sooo much fun last year wearing that lovely Orihime-sama outfit ♪

Tsukasa: No, this is something separate. It’s a Tanabata project that’s centred around ES…

Hitsugi: Whaa~ Sounds like something complicated.

Huh? I should listen properly? Because I’m a “producer”? Yeah, I know, Anzu-senpai.

It’s just that I still don’t understand what it means to be a “producer”.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ← Previous Chapter ᠂ ⚘ ˚⊹˚ ⚘ ᠂  Next Chapter →

[doesntseeyourbeauty]

personal post about my ex so if you’re triggered by toxic relationships/emotional abuse/physical abuse/suicide, please don’t feel like you have to read anything below

I’m so just fucking fed up with him and this whole situation. Long story short, we moved in together in 2020 and he was just rude and disrespectful to my family and friends and isolated me from them to control me and keep me from running away (I was heavily abused as a child and tend to stay in bad situations because I’m terrified to leave) along with refusing to work and help me make my bills. I had to work full time in retail while doing my masters to make ends meet on top of relying on government assistance. Last year after my masters graduation, I found out that he had been cheating on me with someone that he met online and I ended our engagement, but allowed him to stay in the apartment because I felt guilty kicking him out and was suicidal at the time so I didn’t trust myself to be alone.

Well in the year that proceeded, he refused to get a job and all of the bills fell into my lap and became my responsibility on top of working full time at a job that refused to provide benefits (including sick time - if I got sick I had to take the day off with no pay) and payed well below the average for those in the field and with my educational background.

we were on the verge of being evicted because I wasn’t able to pay rent, buy groceries, or even feed my pets on top of him “needing” weed and his nicotine to function properly. Without them, he was incredibly abusive and would guilt me into buying them when we had nothing. I took out loans to make ends meet and it still wasn’t enough.

So I moved out of the apartment, payed off the rent I owed, and officially ended everything because I was tired of the abuse and feeling like I was worth nothing (mind you this happened the week of my eras tour show so I was exhausted and drained from that on top of all of that) to move in with my older brother who has let me live with him since so I can get back on my feet.

Thankfully I’ve repayed all of the loans I took out thanks to my new job which pays well and has benefits, and because I don’t have to spend at least $150 a week on his weed and nicotine (it used to be alcohol but I made him stop). It’s been five months since this all happened and he’s still bothering me to this day, to the point I’m debating changing my phone number so he and his family leave me alone.

I went to a few concerts recently and his aunt told him I was “cheating” on him - even though I ended things in July and was under the impression that he was moving on with his life - and he has been non stop messaging me since.

He even messaged me on discord on Christmas threatening to kill himself because I was “toying with him” and “leading him on”. I ignored his texts and went on and didn’t even check discord until today (the conversation was muted) because I flew to DC yesterday to visit my best friend for the first time in a year. I woke up to text coco and he had sent me over 100 messages calling me a whore, a liar, and then was telling me how much he loves me, how I’m “his ideal girl”, and that he wasn’t useless, amongst other things.

I know I can just block him, but it’s always been difficult for me to do something like that as I was taught by my grandmother and mom to love my abusers and to forgive them for what they’ve done - but my mom was also heavily abused by my dad and her family so it’s unintentional. I’m just so frustrated about the whole situation and I just want him to leave me alone but he just won’t.

My family and friends have been so incredibly supportive of me and doing everything in their power to keep me safe from him and I’m so grateful. I’m also so glad I’m in DC with my best friend because I feel safer than I have in quite a while (he knows where my family lives but doesn’t know where I live exactly). I haven’t felt this scared since I was stalked in college by someone who refused to take no as an answer and I got a restraining order and still felt unsafe.

I’m just lost and feeling like I can’t escape the guilt that I’m feeling, because I know that if he does commit suicide, his family will blame me for it. He’s always been this way and I just can’t do it anymore. I just want him to leave me alone.

I’m really sorry for the long rant and for talking about such sensitive topics, but I really needed to get it off my chest. It’s been lingering in my mind for so long and has been weighing heavily on me. He made me cry on Christmas and has made me feel like this is all my fault even though he put us both in the situation we were in.

If you read this, I’m doing okay physically and mentally and I’m in a safe place. I just needed to vent and get this off my chest, it’s been so hard for me to try and move past it….

[secretlywritingstories]

My horse just turned 20 years old. I’ve had her for nearly 16 years now. She is now officially in the “old” category, and it is a very bizarre thing because things don’t really feel all that different.

She’s still the same horse. Maybe she’s calmed down a little but she still jumps on occasion. She loves a good gallop with me standing in the stirrups. She loves to laze around and eat. She still does love to work underneath me when we occasionally do dressage sessions.

But it takes a little longer to warm up. I don’t ride her as often. We train more from the ground than I ever did when we were both younger and competing. Because that’s the thing too. I was young as well. She was a baby, just a year under saddle, and I had not yet turned 13 years old. We were young, inexperienced and trying to figure it all out.

And we did. We trained and got good together. Competed on a decent level. I got too old for the youth classes and riding ponies, which she was classified as at the time. It was fine. I had started high school and my time was getting more limited, so we just rode horse classes here and there for fun.

And then came university and it was just training to be good for ourselves rather than to compete or show it to anyone. It was about synergy and being happy and still filling our days with forest rides and ground work and days off.

When I finished university and ran into a long stint of unemployment and the world went into a global pandemic, visiting the stables to see her was a safe haven. We stopped getting weekly training sessions, I started riding almost exclusively bareback, and I just enjoyed spending time with her in whatever way I could.

I got my first adult job post graduation and it was a lot to get used to. Ten months later, I changed jobs within my organisation and went full time in more hectic but more exciting department. The days off for my horse have increased, but she’s happy walking around her field and getting her meals. And the days I come into the stable, I make count.

We grew up together without me even fully comprehending it. She’s been by my side in so many big defining life phases of my youth. I still feel young. I am still young. But... she isn’t. She’s in good health, and she lives a good life, so hopefully we’ve still got several good years ahead of us.

Still, it’s strange to think that she won’t be here forever. I scarcely remember my life without her. She’s been a constant fixture. A wonderful companion through so much. I love her. Deeply and in a way I’m not sure I could ever really love another horse. I recently learned of the term heart horse, and I don’t think there’s any doubt she is mine. I can say that confidently even though I’ve never had another.

All of the countless hours and all of the happy (and also the tough) times we’ve spent together. She’s been there through it all and she cannot comprehend how much she’s brightened my life, but I know. I’ll always know. Each whinny welcome when she hears my footsteps fills my heart in a special way just reserved for her. I hope that I may continue to hear it for years to come.

[obitohno]

tw: weight / tw: food ⤸

so, for majority of my life, i’ve always been underweight, n it’s been something that i’ve struggled with since early childhood. it doesn’t help that i’ve never had a great relationship with food, n even now, it’s a challenge for me to eat regular meals or maintain weight

in my late teens, i was stuck in a very toxic relationship, and it took a huge toll on me, both mentally n physically. stress had my weight plummeting so much so that i literally don’t know how i functioned, but luckily, that part of my life is now over, but it wasn’t until after i graduated from uni when i started to gain a little, mainly bc of the muscle that i put on during the time that i worked on a farm, n partly bc my old colleagues at said farm constantly pointed out about my weight/irregular eating habits. it made me feel self conscious—and quite frankly, shit—and even though i was trying so hard to fix how i ate, i started to hyper fixate onto how i looked in the mirror and stressing about what i saw bc i wanted to change how my colleagues viewed me

i admit, it’s not a great reason to try n gain weight, but, eventually, it started to work. but, bc of my metabolism, n bc i still don’t have a great relationship with food, i only gained so much. no matter how hard i try, i never enjoy looking in the mirror, especially without clothes, and although i haven’t been officially diagnosed, my family suspect that i may suffer from body dysmorphia. for a long time, i don’t like to look at any old photos of myself, n even now, looking back at them when i was much thinner, it fills me with a sense of dread bc although my bmi is only just on the edge of healthy now, anxiety fills me whenever i think of possibly dropping back down to how i was before. but! it also gives me motivation bc although i’m still working towards weighing more, i am currently much happier with how i am rn than i was a few years ago

this is getting a little long (apologies), but this post is a happy one. recently, i’ve made some improvements with my eating habits (i eat at least two meals a day now; with snacks in between, too!) n i’ve already begun to notice physical changes that i’m somewhat happy with—i’m even slowly starting to change the style of clothing that i buy after many years of avoiding doing so bc i always thought that they wouldn’t suit me bc i viewed my body as unattractive. i don’t know if i’ll ever look in the mirror n be a hundred percent happy with how i look, but at the age of twenty-six, i’m finally on a path that looks brighter

apologies if this little ramble is boring, i just wanted to celebrate the fact that i’m finally starting to learn how to be proud of myself ♡

[boba-beom]

I am sure your graduation will be wonderful! Do you still need to go to school until november or are you on break until then? Movies and Mcdonald‘s sound good! I am glad you had fun 🩵

We watched a quiz show! Recommendations,, hmmmm. The first season of star trek: strange new worlds was really good! The second season is releasing this month and i‘m looking forward to it!! What i also still want to watch is the elvis movie. What about you? Are you looking forward to movies/shows?

🍄 anon

nopee i’m officially done now but I’ll be taking a long break in philippines until october just in time for grad hehe we didn’t even finish watching the movie, we ended up talking a lot instead 😅 what about you?

I actually don’t think I’ve properly watched star trek 🤔 but I will at some point!! omg I loved the elvis movie, it’s actually so interesting to know about his life story and it’s crazy that my parents were under 10 yrs old when elvis reached his peak. I’ve recently watched avatar: the way of water and I genuinely loved it. I’ve been meaning to watch fast x and I cannot wait for barbie omggg

in terms of shows, I’ve just finished never have I ever, and I’m waiting for the summer I turned pretty and another series but it’s gone out of my head 😭