#I’ve never been one to publicly make character playlists

[the-city-kitty]

Some Dr. Horrible songs popped up in my YouTube suggestions and I listened to them for nostalgia but I was also immediately hit with, “oh no why does this fit NIY!Leo? Oh this is really good for NIY!Leo and NIY!Mikey’s dynamic” lol if only I could draw the animatics that now exist solely in my head.

[gothcsz]

𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒇𝒂𝒓𝒆 / a Javier Peña fic.

PAIRING: Javier Peña x Original Female Character

SUMMARY:   After being transferred back to the States from Colombia, Javier Peña is relocated to a small town in the middle Texas as the new Deputy Sheriff to help solve a string of murders that have been occurring in this more rural part of the state. Rumors of a sacrilegious group plague the community which has its citizens on edge. Along the way, he enters a convoluted relationship with the sheriff’s daughter, Paloma. Entranced not only by her beauty but also by her captivating and enticing artistry as she preforms at a local bar on weekend nights. The once DEA agent soon begins to realize that there’s a lot more at play here than initially thought. Heavily influenced by Ethel Cain’s Preacher’s Daughter album.

RATING:   18+ Mature topics such as sex, drugs, murder, the occult, religion, cannibalism and other triggering matters will be explored in this body of work. More specific tags will be listed on chapter posts.

DISCLAIMER/WARNINGS:   The Javier Peña referenced in this body of work is solely based off of the character that appears in Netflix’s Narcos and not the actual person. Very canon divergent and I will tweak things as I see fit to compliment the narrative of this story. While efforts have been made to be accurate in terms of canon timeline, a lot of details will be fictionalized, including the usage of the song(s) that Paloma will perform throughout the story.

A/N:   hey y’all! just wanna say that this was an idea that popped in my head as i was rewatching narcos for the dozenth time while simultaneously discovering ethel cain’s work (i know i’m late, cut me some slack pls) but i’ve genuinely never been so inspired to… write. so with that, i give you all a small prologue of sorts to see if there’s any interest in continuing this. it’s my first time publicly posting any of my works so i’m so fuckin’ nervous but oh well i’m just diving head first!

♰  read on ao3. ♰

♰  playlist | pinterest | series masterlist ♰

The sounds of twigs snapping beneath her feet echo throughout the forest, her frantic breaths making her chest burn as she continues to run aimlessly in attempts to escape her captors. Nina had gotten lucky, her wrist burned from constantly rubbing against her rope confinements until eventually she was able to undo the tight knot and free herself from her imminent death. She wasted no time in booking it out of whatever tattered building they were in; being met with nothing but surrounding darkness.

It didn’t take long before those who had taken her realized she was missing, but it was enough to put some distance between herself and them. Her bare feet ache from the unforgiving woodsy ground, legs slashed from the various twigs and thorns that she had run through in order to make her escape. But that pain was only temporary, and currently her body was focused on survival. She had to make it back to civilization; even if she didn’t know where she was.

A few more minutes of running before the girl finds some kind of solace behind a towering oak tree, her back pressed against its ridges as she allows herself a moment to catch her breath.

To regroup.

One hand travels up to her collarbone where a delicate cross necklace sits against her skin, she grips it tightly and begins to utter a soft yet frantic prayer hoping that the God she’s devoted her life to would spare her from the horrors and fate she’s currently facing. Her eyes snap open at the sound of a twig snapping loudly and before Nina has any time to react to the sudden presence, she’s being yanked by her forearm out of the shadows and roughly thrown onto the ground.

She’s been caught.

“Please let me go. I promise I won’t tell anyone.” Nina pleads and it’s nothing this trio has not heard before.

“Oh sweet child…” The smooth yet dangerous voice of the leader of this tormenting group crouches down until he’s at her level, brushing a strand of tawny hair away from her face as he gazes deep into her eyes.

Deep into her soul.

“You cannot keep the inevitable from occurring.” Enter the other man, a heavy two barreled shotgun in his hands pointed directly at her. Nina’s lips curl into a pout as tears begin to pour down her supple cheeks. This gets a scoff out of the third person that makes up the trio, a girl that was around her age.

“Oh poor baby is cryin’. this coulda been so much easier if you hadn’t ran, doll face.” Her tone is patronizing as she watches Nina intently, a smirk sprawled across her own lips. “C’mon August, we need to deal with her before we miss our window of opportunity. Again.” she looks down at the antique watch that adorns her left hand. Only a few minutes until three in the morning.

August takes a few more moments to study the weeping girl before him, just as a predator would its prey. However, there’s a softness in his eyes that she isn’t able to fully register. He eventually stands to his full height. “It will have to be done here. There is not enough time to bring her back to the house.” He snaps his fingers at the man with the shotgun and he immediately lowers it, silent as ever and reaching into his back pocket to pull out a large, silver dagger that glistens as the moonlight from the full moon shines down upon it. Nina’s eyes widen at the sight of the blade and she begins to scramble backwards but August reaches down to grasp her ankle to keep her from moving. 

“Hold her down.” He orders and the other two wordlessly comply, the dagger now in August’s possession as the guy takes hold of her wrists and the girl of her ankles. Nina begins to thrash around violently to no avail. They’ve got a strong hold on her.

“Please, A-August please I’ll d-do whatever you want. I w-won’t tell anyone just p-please don’t kill me.” The helpless girl cries, tears and snot mixing as violent sobs rack throughout her entire body.

The earnest begging for her life falls on deaf ears, instead August plants one foot on either side of her body, now towering over her completely with the dagger firmly in his grasp. Between her hysteric crying and overwhelming emotions, Nina doesn’t understand the words that fall past the man’s lips but she knows for certain that he isn’t speaking English.

She attempts to save herself one final time but is ignored once more. Just as August finishes his prayer-like uttering, the wind begins to pick up around them, sending leaves and dirt to swirl around as if they had conjured up their own, mini tornado. 

Nina’s eyes widen as the dagger raises itself over his head.

“ I am no good nor evil, simply I am And I have come to take what is mine. ”

And with those final words, the dagger plunges down deep into her chest, right where her heart lies. A piercing scream shoots out of her throat, damn near destroying her vocal chords as August continues to stab the sharp blade into her flesh over and over again.

Until eventually, the life drains from Nina’s eyes.

[linkles-art-blog]

So do you tell all your friends

You’ve got your gun to my head?

I know it’s never gonna be just us…

Collab artwork with my fellow artist @asachuu for Chapter 7 of my BSD fanfic, Cherish. 🥺💕 

Although this has only been the second time I’ve worked with him on an illustration for the story, it has truly been a joy for me to be able to call him my partner in crime on this lengthy endeavor of mine; he is truly a talented individual beyond even that of my own abilities and seeing these scenes come to life in his beautiful BSD manga-reminiscent style is genuinely a dream above my wildest imaginations.

My gratitude knows no bounds, as I could in no way have ever done this scene justice without him. 💞💕💖🥺💖💕💞 Thank you so much for allowing me to work with you again on all of this, Art; it really means a great deal more than I could say that you were willing to make this wish of mine come true.

And as for you, my loyal readers and followers, it is beyond a pleasure for me to be able to post and present this amazing work we created together for everyone to see. Shortly after posting this, I will be adding the artwork into the fic itself, in the chapter where it belongs, so please look forward to that and feel free to check out the fic if you haven’t done so already!  (Also please go give Art a follow; he’s amazingly talented and especially if you love things relating to BSD Fifteen/Storm Bringer/Arthur and feel there isn’t enough content for him out there as I do, he’s sure to be a source of great joy to you too. uwu He’s also a great writer and has written many fics on the subject! ^-^)

Original Base Sketch by me First Version of LineArt by me Second Version of LineArt (the one featured above) by Asachuu Color Palettes for characters & Suggestions provided mostly by me Background and Background details by Asachuu Final Adjustments by Asachuu Main Art Coloring & Shading by Asachuu Typesetting of credit urls by me

Do not repost this artwork anywhere without my and Asachuu’s explicit permission or claim it as your own. See F.A.Q.s for details. Songs I listened to while drawing this:

Vagabond by Spencer Day (Chapter 7′s namesake)

Homicide Love by James Arthur (The original concept chapter namesake for Chapter 7′s first scene and the song the quote above is from)

Suicide by James Arthur

My Heart Can’t Tell You No by Rod Stewart

My Heart Can’t Tell You No by Sara Evans

Memories by Conan Gray (You’ll understand someday the significance of this one ;) )

Hellfire from the Hunchback of Notre Dame (including the covers by Peter Hollens and Jonathan Young.) Delilah by Tom Jones

You can also listen to Cherish’s playlist — or at least the only publicly available one (currently an only partial version, so as to avoid potential spoilers for too many future chapters) — here.

[cabottombingo]

RULES/FAQS

What is a bingo?

A bingo is a type of fandom challenge during which participants are given a 3x3 or 5x5 card where all but one square are filled with creative prompts and the last, middle square acts as a free space. A bingo encourages people to create new fanworks for a certain fandom, theme, or ship. By filling out your bingo card you will receive bingo badges that you may use on your social media pages with varying requirements for different badges.

What is the goal of this bingo?

The goal of this bingo is to produce fanworks that feature bottom Steve Rogers. That’s it! The rating, genre, ships included and type of fanwork you produce are decided by you. As long as the fanwork prominently features bottom Steve Rogers, it fits a card prompt and it’s done during the bingo schedule then it works!

Are there any specific rules for participating?

Most importantly, this bingo is an 18+ only event. We want to keep this a laid-back event, but to make everyone 18 or over feel welcome, we do have a few basic rules: 1. No ship, character, or kink bashing.   2. No harassment towards other content creators or bingo mods. 3. No hate speech against any sexuality, gender, creed, or identity. If your content has any of this because it fits with a Marvel character’s portrayal or you need an OC villain, check with a mod to make sure it’s okay. Essentially, be kind to one another! Just because something is not listed here does not mean we welcome hate speech against it or any other kind of bad behavior.

What fanworks are accepted?

The Captain Bottom Bingo accepts all kinds of fanworks, including but not limited to fanfic, fanart, playlists, gifsets and so on! If you’re not sure about your fanwork and want to double check, feel free to email us.

What are the minimum requirements for fanworks?

This is a low-pressure event where we hope everyone will have a great time and let their creativity take them where it will. That said, we do have minimum requirements for content. Remember, these are only minimums. If you want to do more than what’s listed below, feel free! Art: 300 x 300 pixels if digital, 3 inches x 3 inches if traditional Fanfic: 100 words Fanvids: 30 seconds Moodboard: Three images Playlist: Five songs, including cover art Podfic: Five minutes in length with clear permission from the author use for the bingo Rec lists: Three fanworks, with an explanation for each, detailing why you’re reccing them. Tell us why you love it. Now’s your chance to gush! Translations: The work translated must be at least 100 words, whether new or pre-existing, and you must have clear permission from the author to translate AND use for the bingo. All other fanworks: If it’s complete, you put your best effort into it, and it fits the theme of the bingo, you’re good to go. <3

What are the requirements for filling a square?

You cannot reuse old content for this event. If you want to dust off an old WIP that has never been posted, we’ll accept that, but you cannot reuse anything publicly posted. You are, however, allowed to use new chapters in an already posted WIP to fill your squares.  You cannot combine squares for a single work since we’re trying to create as much new content as possible. However, multiple squares can be used in a multi-chapter work as long as only one square is used per chapter.

How do I post my work once I’ve completed a square?

1) Follow this formatting guide. 2) Complete the Submission Form. 3) Add your work to our collection (if on AO3). The Submission Form helps us keep track of what you’ve done so you can receive your badges at the end of the round. This is also where you can tell us there’s something for us to promote in case Tumblr or Twitter decides to eat your mentions. If you don’t fill out the Submission Form for each fill the mods are not responsible for any missing reblogs, retweets or badges. 

Can I use my work for another fandom event, or can I use something from another event for filling a square?

As long as the other fandom event is okay with it and you make an effort to fill ALL requirements for this and any other events where your fanwork is used. Remember, bottom Steve must be a prominent feature for this bingo, and the other events will also have their own requirements, too! Find a way to do all this with your work, and we’ll be happy as clams.

I finished my card, can I get a new one?

Absolutely! Once you’ve completed your previous card, fill out the Blackout Form. By the end of that month (at the latest), we’ll email anyone who’s requested one their brand new card. Additionally, you don’t have to pick the same card or prompt types unless you really want to. So if you had a 5x5 card with angsty prompts, you’re free to switch to a 3x3 card with fluffy prompts instead. It’s entirely up to you! Note: Late sign-ups can pick the size of their new cards, but they still won’t be able to get custom prompts. Sorry!

[mxrsmordre]

Bellatrix Black

hey isn’t that Bellatrix Black? I’ve heard that the 28 year old witch can be be kind of cold and calculating…. but that might not be true because I also heard the Pureblood can be quite loyal and independent. One of my muggleborn friends thought they were Katie McGrath, but I have no idea who that is.

Ex Hogwarts House: Slytherin Loyalty: Death Eaters (not publicly known) Gender Identity and Pronouns: Cis female, she/her Sexuality: Heterosexual

Changes to Canon: Never specifically stated when she and Rodolphus married, but presumably canon has it before this time so technically that is a change! A reasonable amount of her bio is also made of headcanons due to a lack of actual canon content on her history so I have filled in blanks using what I feel makes sense based on the canon we do have for her.

What four songs would be a must in your characters playlist?

Empire by Beth Crowley

A Little Wicked by Valerie Broussard

Queen by Loren Gray

Queen of Kings by Alessandra

Biography Bellatrix knows that, as the first born of a noble and pureblood family, her parents would have rather she be a son, someone who could carry the Black name forwards with them. Instead, they got her, and whilst she certainly grew up with luxuries many can only dream of, she always knew that disappointment her parents had felt when she was born lingered just below the surface.

Determined to prove that she was just as good as, if not better than any son could have been, Bellatrix worked hard throughout her years at Hogwarts. Oh she wasn’t exactly innocent, but she learned how to get away with various misdemeanours either by not being caught or by being such an excellent student that certain professors would simply turn a blind eye. When her near-perfect OWL results arrived, she was sure that she could see the slightest hint of pride in her mother’s eyes. That was nothing compared to the approving smile her father gave her when the little Head Girl badge arrived; for the first time, Bellatrix didn’t feel as though he would have traded her away for a male heir.

Throughout her life, Bellatrix has never allowed herself to get distracted by love. That is, with the exception of the love she has for her two younger sisters. Andromeda and Narcissa always meant the world to her, and as a child she would always do her best to care for them and cover for any indiscretions, even going so far as to take the blame so that she would receive whatever punishments her parents saw fit rather than them. She could not bear to see either of them hurt.

Headcanons:

Whilst Bellatrix does believe in Pureblood Supremacy, her desire to climb the ranks stemmed more from personal desires - firstly, to prove that women can be every bit as powerful as men. (If even muggles have figured that out, surely it's not that difficult?) Secondly, to protect herself and the few she cares for. Namely, her sisters.

At Hogwarts, Bellatrix was the classic Queen Bee type. From the start, her name gave her power and status, and her new classmates (many of whom she already knew from various society functions their parents would insist they attend) were eager to do what they could to give themselves an 'in' with her. And as she went through the years, the younger students who came in followed suit.

Bellatrix knows how to play people. While she doesn't enjoy when old fashioned men look down on her for being a woman and will quite happily speak her mind about the matter, she has also learned that it can be used to her advantage. She has turned being underestimated into a strength.

Her sisters mean the world to her, even if she doesn't show it in the way most people might expect. She will do whatever she can to protect them, but when it comes to comfort she is the 'tough love' type, knowing that there are many people who would take advantage of softness and that being tough is the way to survive.

She is Bellatrix, or Bella. Never Trixie.

[flyingcookierambles]

sadness over a3! eng i guess

oof just on my 700th day.....

kinda sad because of the announcement about A3! ENG server shutting down soon due to financial difficulties at LIBER/CYBIRD in the past two years (covid-19 related, etc.). according to a rather in depth reddit comment that had links to LIBER's publicly available financial reports + some financial reports from LIBER's parent company, Aeria, in english, covid-19 really hit LIBER hard since they had to cancel many money making events, from pop-up shops for the typical anime merch trinkets (keychains, plushes, pins, etc.) to the huge in-person events (voice actor meetups, the stage plays of MANKAI LIVE, etc.). due to shrinking player base on the ENG server + major loss of profits on both JPN and ENG servers, LIBER had to choose one or the other and they chose the JPN one, which i totally understand since it's way bigger there and the JPN fanbase will continue to give the franchise money more often. also, another person found a financial report/estimate from the google play store or something, and A3! ENG only made ~$20K to ~$10K in the past few months, which i guess is not enough to keep a server and localization company afloat. 

i got pretty attached to the characters and it was a great game to help get by during college. and honestly, while i am very sad about this, again, i understand why LIBER did this, looking at their financial report from 2020. I would LIBER save the entire franchise rather than shut all the servers down, making us all unable to see our favorite actors ever again, even if it means that we ENG fans will have to go thru the extra steps of finding/reading fan translations, wikis, etc., to read any further stories from where A3! ENG left off. still, A3! ENG's localization was something special. i'm saying this as a TKRB JPN player who read the wiki for all the character voice lines and then had to see the official TKRB ENG localization make Yamabushi Kunihiro a rapper for some reason? lol. it was....weird.... meanwhile, all the memes and slang in A3! ENG didn't seem out of place and all fit their personalities because 3/4 of the troupes were all high school to college age and 3 of them were ~Gamers~. Out of all the gachas i've played, i feel like the only other F2P gacha game that had this incredibly smooth, all cultural jokes/puns translated in a way that still makes sense/fits the character/doesn't require a galaxy brain and some TL note to understand, is probably dragalia lost and that's only because it has frickin Nintendo localizing/publishing it globally for CyGames. Nintendo. i'll eventually read the fan translations of A3!'s Act 3 on the wiki, but it won't be the same without Kazunari's super high-energy influencer slang of "'whoa fam! that's totes 'blammable, gotta take a pic!" or Itaru's gremlin Gamer speak of "lol get rekt noobs" or Tsuzuru's tired dying breath of "that ain't it chief." the appropriate slang and relatable meme speak of the localization really helped humanize these characters as people of their respective ages, rather than just a typical formal speak or some directly translated JPN slang -> ENG that turns out super awkward that can be found in bad localizations.

going back to the reddit comment too, the death of A3! ENG servers could have bad repercussions in the future for other joseimuke games. josei, if you for some reason have been in the anime fandom but still don't know this term, is basically the genre of stories/video games/media/etc aimed at women. it's the mature adult counterpart to seinen, media aimed at adult men. basically shoujo/shonen = elementary/middle school/high school aimed while josei/seinen = high school/college/adult aimed if that helps. Joseimuke is a part of josei that is not specifically romance. while some josei/joseimuke can overlap with otome, aka female aimed dating sims/romance media, they have many things about them that make these all separate genres. one of the official A3! ENG translators and a known fan translator of another joseimuke gacha, Mahou Yaku/Wizard’s Promise, minami, goes more in depth with this in a twitter thread. 

A3! was an actor raising game, and a big part of it was found family and relationships that were platonic. yet it got advertised as an otome, which has more connotations with dating sims and brings to mind other shoujo/otome games and anime where the cast is all high schoolers and the setting is most often in a high school. but, other than some characters making flirty jokes or implied to have crushes on Izumi/player character, many character relationships with Izumi are platonic and not romantic at all. Spring Troupe in the game also jokingly calls themself a family. the entire Mankai Company is basically found family. plus, since the game actually has time passing in story and the characters age with each year, half of the characters aren’t even in high school anymore. a large majority of them are in college or are graduated by now, with only a few still in high school. i’m not surprised if a reason that some people left the game was due to feeling bored with the slice of life/not romantic story, feeling that they were lied to about it being an otome, which was falsely advertised since it is a game meant for the older teens/adults demographic of josei/joseimuke.

i’m worried that other japanese companies will look at this shut down as a “josei/joseimuke doesn’t work well in the west” and never localize other josei/joseimuke gacha games like Mahou Yaku, EnStars, Twisted Wonderland, Helios, etc.

while i like otome and shoujo, i, as a 23/soon to be 24 year old college graduate and now tax paying adult, want more stories that have more mature themes and characters that are more my age so i don’t have to feel awkward when i’m playing some dating sim and i, a literal 23 year old adult, and trying to woo a 16 year old. it’s...a little awkward to say the least. i would gladly welcome more mature media that is categorized as josei/joseimuke.

sorry if this is all over the place, but overall im just sad that A3! ENG is shutting down. i don’t know if i’ll join the JPN server yet. i’m def going to read the Act 3 story via fan translators on the wiki, but A3! gameplay was...boring lmao. as much as i love A3!, im sure that the constant event grind/burnout and boring rng gameplay turned people off too and i dont blame them. i felt the burnout bad since i participated in basically every event since day 1. it. is. rough. i’m not joining the hellish thunderdome that is the JPN server and im not ranking anymore as a F2P player lmao. literally had to play almost every waking free moment to get into the 30%-20% bracket as a F2P person and i never got to top 20%-10%, much less top 1% lmao. i’m don’t whale enough lol. 

i feel like i should probably just. crack open my genki 2 textbook and uhhh totally legal pdf copy of tobira. so i can just. get the JPN version of games in the first place so i don’t have to worry about getting shafted since overseas fans are often considered expendable. 

i wish that, when any games that are online end, gacha or mmo or anything, anything online, companies will let fans archive things. or like. release a book that is just the story text or something. like. CYBIRD is letting us still technically play the game and have the story and all, but what if they eventually later shut everything down? why not just release a pdf/ebook that’s just the text of the eng localization for some money? i’d buy it. for nostalgia and rereads and all and also archiving purposes. i think i’ll try to help with any english localization archive projects if i can so that the hilarious and incredible localization that was a work of love from the translation team doesn’t just disappear forever.

well.

that’s it for now. as i said, guess i’ll head to the app for one of the last times to read the last unread stories and mini stories i have left, then the wiki for Act 3, and then i guess i’ll crack open genki 2 and bunpo.....

some fun random links for you to think about!

random ffxi article that came to mind (if ffxiv ever shuts down in the next 20 years or whatever i’d be cool to get a statue of my character at the end)

and death of a game playlist by NerdSlayer Studios on Youtube that has me thinking a lot about game preservation and losing MMOs and games

the lost media wiki  and blameitonjorge’s lost media iceberg

other gacha games i’ve played that have shut down that i think about sometimes because the loss of A3! ENG isn’t my first rodeo:

terra battle & terra battle 2 (1)

AFTERL!FE

(related kitsu post link for archive reasons)

[genaleah]

ANSWERING WILDCARD QUESTIONS

For the first time in about a year maybe??? Some of these might be even older than that.

Yes, it is Korka! I definitely want her involved, she’s a wonderful character and there is a *lot* of fun paranormal stuff going on in this setting that she can help them research. Also, I’d just love for her and Nelson to become friends!

Thank you! I love him a lot, and it’s fun to picture him interacting with the other guys. They’d all make for some interesting uncle figures, but they might not be that great in terms of role models.

OHOHO. Devilish laugh. That’s a wonderful idea, and a good way to keep him occupied at some point. He’s a great character, but he’s incredibly powerful, and I want these dudes to solve their own problems whenever possible. 

A good question! I don’t remember most of my dreams, but there’s usually a consistent look to the vivid ones. Lots of water, mountains, creeks, and high, winding roads. There are also a lot of buildings that are closely integrated with nature, even though I have almost never seen construction like that. 

I had not, but now I have! Here’s a trailer, for anyone else that missed it:

https://youtu.be/33HXHaaagsw

I really like these new models! I’m looking forward to watching a playthrough when that’s available. Just like with Rhombus of Ruin, I don’t think I’ll be able to play this one myself.

DOUBLE FINE, I WISH TO SPEAK WITH YOU- no, I’m kidding! I think great minds think alike. But I’m really excited to learn more about that character and possibly involve them in this whole au eventually. 

I’ve actually tried to avoid almost any info about Psychonauts 2 so I can go in mostly-blind, and a lot of the characters are vague to me. It’s fun to look forward to, but it’s also a little harrowing because I don’t know how to anticipate for it!

N...NO..... I NEED TO... Honestly those are old enough that it might be a good idea for me to re-make them, as well as the playing cards I made for the mega playlist cover. I think it’d be nice to remake them as vectors... that might make for a nice art stream sometime. I’ll mention publicly if I start doing that, and sharing any of these conceptual Wildcards arts when they’re done. 

And if you’re just curious about what the tarot cards for the other characters are going to be, it’s this:

Eddie: Judgement, The Magician, The Emperor

Manny: Death, Justice, The World

Sam: The Chariot, The Tower, Strength

Max: The Devil, Wheel of Fortune, Joker

Although! I may actually give the Moon card to Max instead of the Devil, and replace the missing card from Nelson’s selection with the High Priestess?  🤔  I’ll decide when I get to it.

Could be! I’ve flip-flopped occasionally on if I want the split-a-cab gang to participate much in the story. I think they deserve a break, and splitting an apartment in New York seems like a good situation for the four of them.

Oh boy, that must be so disorienting for him. The Psychonauts deal with a lot of hippy-dippy weirdness in a seemingly organized way, but it seems like they’re not as paranoid about safety as a real federal organization would be. Not necessarily a good thing, considering one of their camp counselors went AWOL one day, and the head of the Psychonauts got kidnapped the next. They kinda need to get their act together.

Fun fact, in one of the earlier drafts of Chapter 3 I was actually going to make Nelson get scanned by the equivalent of a metal-detector for malevolent thoughts at the door and get really spooked by it, but I decided against it.

YEAH IT’S ON THE LIST

Honestly, a big bulk of the plot in this just regards characters having to face their mental health struggles... via facing it as literal internal demons, unstable powers, etc.  It’s going to take a little while for any of Eddie’s teammates to realize how MUCH he has going on under the surface because he does a pretty good job of hiding it. “Needing to help others above ever helping themselves” is a hard issue to notice if you’re not looking for it. But it’s a guarantee that once they find out he needs help, they’ll give it; whether that’s making sure he’s not working himself too hard, or fighting off demonic cultists. Care comes in many forms.

SHE NEEDS TO REST.... POOR SYBIL (on the upside, they don’t TECHNICALLY work there, so she might be fine most of the time.)

Strong Bad isn’t a Psychonaut! He’s just a vlogger and a petty (psychic) criminal. It’s honestly not very different from canon.

Free Country, USA is a smalltown hotbed of psychic activity. Nearly everyone there has some mild capacity for supernatural powers, but nobody really notices or cares. Strong Bad just pops the tops off of cold ones and.... sometimes alters reality, a tiny bit. But mostly just in regards to media. The cartoons, comics, etc, that he invents and talks about have a tendency to suddenly voip into existence and nobody knows how. I swear, there’s actually a line of him saying something to this effect, but I can’t find it anywhere.  Don’t worry about it! Nobody in town is ever going to do anything truly nefarious with their powers, so it’s not a high priority on the Psychonauts’ radar, just a weird footnote.

The only reason Homestar is an actual agent is because he seems like exactly the kind of guy to sign up for a job like that on accident and then stick with it. And he’s a talented telekinetic! None of his other friends know about his job or notice his absences.

And just for fun, here’s some weird instances of psychic overpowering that happened in the cartoon:

---

(Poor Strong Sad)

I’ve actually answered this one before! BAM  Pretty sure all of it is still accurate.

Nelson: He sees floating sheets of paper containing notes, questions, etc. Anything that he wants to know more about regarding that person. The notes are subject to edits, cross-outs, ripped pages, etc.

Guybrush: He sees the item that the person is carrying that he wants most. As he gets to know people better, he sees them for their useful skills first.

Manny: His view of most living people is not very kind...

The people he’s closest to will eventually look a lot less garish. More like a flattering, camera-ready versions of themselves.

Eddie: Sickass sketch drawings that look like they belong in the margins of a composition book. The illustrations improve as he gets a better picture of where they’d fit in the internal lore of his mental world.

Sam: A lot like Nelson; Sam pictures case files, though his are a bit more in-depth.

Max: Max’s visions of people are highly personal and uncomfortable for those who witness them. He sees Nelson as a puzzle with a piece missing. Guybrush is a ripped up voodoo doll. Manny is a forgotten ofrenda. Eddie is a powder keg with a long, lit fuse. Sam is Sam, but he’s the wrong one.

I also got two questions that were pretty big subjects, or that I didn’t want to repeat, so I’m gonna cover them pretty broadly:

REGARDING [X] CHARACTER OR SERIES INCLUDED IN THE AU

Sure, I support it! I’ve gotten this question a few times in regards to things that I haven’t had time to delve into yet, or I’m not interested in, so I’m not going to include it into the AU myself. But if you want to explore an idea like that, feel free! This AU is pretty dang collaborative.

My main focus is just on the main 6 properties: Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max.

But my general rule of thumb for “characters that exist somewhere within the background of this story” are any other properties owned by Telltale, Lucasarts, or Double Fine. And considering all of the licensed games that Telltale was getting into before it kicked the bucket, that includes some really weird characters, even up to the Venture Bros. I loved that series, but I’m not really interested in doing anything with them for this story! Partly for my sanity, the canon I’ve picked are already a lot of content to play with. 

ASSORTED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE WILDCARD AU DISCORD

There’s no particular criteria needed to join the discord, and it’s not strictly on a need-to-know basis! Because it’s been a long while since anyone has joined, I've been hesitant about adding new people in... But I‘ve decided to try sending invitations again! Everyone who had asked about it in the past will be getting a ping by me in about a day or so, since I want to double-check if you’re still interested. If you’ve been nervous to ask you can reply to this post or message me privately.

Some things to keep in mind before asking or accepting the invite:

If you’re not a friend or a follower I recognize, I will likely double-check your tumblr along with some other current members before sending the invite. 

Here’s the Rules page, so you know what to expect before you join: 

Be Mindful - Respect other people's boundaries, don't do or say things that would cross the line. If your behavior makes other people feel uncomfortable or unsafe, I will remove you from the chat. In most cases I will try to resolve things with you and offer a chance to do better, but that will depend on the severity of the situation. And if you have any concerns regarding another member of the chat, you can contact me privately.

Health Boundaries - While discussions of mental health do occasionally pop up, do not rely on the chat for help. None of us are equipped to handle serious mental health concerns, and it will only cause distress for everyone. Please seek real help if it is needed! If you rely on people beyond the point that they have asked you to stop, I will remove you from the chat.

NSFW - Generally speaking, try to keep NSFW talk to a minimum. Swearing and humor is fine, but don't get too explicit please! Discussions should usually keep to a PG-13 / occasional R, but no NC-17.

Spoilers & Censorship - Please use the spoiler function to hide story spoilers, as well as discussions and graphic depictions of gore/excessive blood/body horror/severe psychological horror. Include a content warning so that people know what they could potentially be seeing when they click on the censored content. If the spoilered content is the subject of a back-and-forth discussion, please use another warning when you are switching to a different spoilered topic. (Note that these rules were added to the chat later, so be careful when using the search function or back reading.)

The canon series involved with the Wildcard AU are Psychonauts, Puzzle Agent, Monkey Island, Grim Fandango, Brutal Legend, and Sam & Max. Please be mindful of story spoilers!

Channel Organization - Also be mindful of which channel you're in and move a discussion over if need be! That way they don't get too clogged with unrelated info.

Creative Criticism - When it comes to writing, art, or character creation; try to be open to suggestions from others! Nearly all of the creative work in the chat is collaborative, so input from others is important! Creative criticism is not the same as judgement, and is not a personal attack.

Have fun! - Discussions move quickly in this chat! Don't feel bad if you ever need to step back, whether it's because of the speed or a disinterest in whatever current topic we're focusing on. If you ever want to come back, we're happy to have you and can give quick explanations if you feel out of the loop! :thumbsup:

We’re a group of approx. a half dozen to a dozen people, either posting very very quickly in a span of a few hours or barely anything for a few days. We’ve been in an activity uptick lately and there’s about a year and half of back content, too. If it’s hard to keep up on, not that interesting to read through, or you just have a hard time gelling with the group that's already there, there’s no shame in just lurking or dipping out if you need to.

We also talk a lot about Psychonauts OCs, so anticipate that.

[dailydnp]

YouTube stars and LGBT+ influencers Dan Howell and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard on how they and their queer fans have helped each other through “radical bravery”.

Dan Howell, a comedian and one of world’s most popular YouTubers, and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, lesbian YouTube star and disability advocate, have had vastly different experiences as queer content creators.

The two LGBT+ YouTubers spoke to PinkNews to mark the launch of The Rise, a YouTube campaign that celebrates diverse UK creative talent on the platform.

Having already made YouTube videos for 10 years, Dan came out publicly in June 2019, in a 45-minute video titled “Basically I’m gay”.

He described his coming out story as “very strange”, and told PinkNews: “Me already being this kind of obnoxiously, omnipresent public figure, I had to kind of go on this process.

“I’ve known how gay I was since forever, but had to go on the whole journey of not just working out how I would communicate that to the world, but truly reaching a point of self-acceptance.

“Because on some level throughout all of my life, I’ve accepted it but not really acknowledged it. I said: ‘I’m not ready yet, now’s not the time, I don’t know how.'”

Jessica, on the other hand, explained that she has “never struggled” with her sexuality, having always known she would be accepted.

“I have a very different coming out story to most LGBT+ people in that I was raised in a Quaker family, and there was never the expectation that I was going to grow up and get a husband and that this was the way things happened… So I’ve never struggled with my sexuality in that way,” she said.

While Jessica uses her online platform to discuss her life as an LGBT+ person as well as queer history, much of her audience comes to her channel for her disabilities advocacy.

She has two rare genetic conditions, HNPP and EDS, which affect her nerves and connective tissues. She is deaf, visually impaired and her conditions can affect her mobility with varying severity.

“Being a disabled and chronically ill teenager, I had this big thing in my life that was really difficult, and a real struggle, and being gay just paled in comparison,” she said.

“There was obviously the drama, the girls that I liked didn’t liked me, they always turned out to be straight. But that was the biggest drama.

“When I started YouTube, I was already married, it was already very much like, this is who I am. I’m gay, this is my wife. There’s no question. There’s no worrying about it.”

She added: “I like to think that that does, in a way, represent what our future is going to be –  that we don’t have to have these coming out stories where people worry about how they’re going to be accepted, and worried about the response they’re going to get.”

Dan Howell wishes he’d had queer role models like Jessica Kellgren-Fozard when he was growing up.

Dan Howell said that YouTubers like Jessica Kellgren-Fozard could have helped him immensely when he was discovering his LGBT+ identity.

“If there was someone like Jessica when I was a young person watching YouTube, I just know I would have had a profoundly different journey through life and coming to accept my sexuality,” he said.

“I would have been represented, I would have learned about queer history, I would have been seeing different relationships, seeing different personalities.”

From LGBT+ issues to disabilities and mental health, both Dan and Jessica have used their platforms to share their experiences in areas that are vastly underrepresented in mainstream media, showing their viewers many facets of their identities.

In 2017, Dan used his YouTube channel to discuss his struggle with his mental health, in a video titled “Daniel and Depression”.

“There’s many aspects to a human,” he said. “I’ve always come from a place of just talking about whatever’s on my mind, or whatever is important to me.

“It was quite a jump for me to make that first video about mental health, opening up about depression out of nowhere was quite scary. Because even three or four years ago, it was still more of a taboo topic.

“I tried to do it in my own way, which is to kind of inappropriately joke about it at my own expense, and try to make it a storytelling experience. That’s just the same as everything else I do.”

Jessica said that from her point of view, “the best representation is always ‘happens to be'”.

“It’s the idea that you have a character who’s going on an adventure, you have someone who’s talking to you about makeup, and they just happen to be gay. Because otherwise we’re not really going to be reaching outside of our own echo chamber.”

She explained that some viewers end up watching 10 of her videos without ever realising that she’s married to a woman, which she thinks is “the best way to kind of have any change and effect on the culture and and people in the world”.

“Because if we’re always trying to preach to the choir, we’re not really going to get anywhere,” she said.

“But if people are thinking so-and-so on TV is absolutely amazing and then later find out that they’re gay, maybe they’ll be changing some preconceived notions.”

“It’s this kind of sneaky, insidious way that the gay agenda will thrive and inevitably take over the world,” laughed Dan. “Winning hearts and minds.”

One particularly heartwarming example, Jessica said, was when a fan used her videos to come out to their parents.

“She was raised in a very religious household and her parents were not at all open to the idea of homosexuality. In fact, if they were watching television, and something came up relating to the subject, they would immediately turn it off, change the channel, perhaps say something wasn’t particularly lovely.

“She was sat there feeling like, ‘Oh, am I ever going to come out my parents?'”

The fan decided to curate a playlist of Jessica’s videos to show her mother.

“It started with videos that I made about my religion,” she said, “and then transitioned to fashion and videos about history. And just slowly, each video was a slightly gayer video.”

“Her mother became a fan within the first 20 videos. She was like: ‘This seems like a good role model for my child.’

“Eventually [she realised] this role model has a wife and is gay, and is OK with this. And her parents are religious and OK with her being gay… I was able to provide a tool for someone to do that to come out in quite a safe way to their parents.”

The “radical bravery” of his queer fans helped Dan Howell come out.

Dan Howell, on the other hand, said that his fans were the ones who helped him feel safe to come out.

While still in the closet, he said he found it “difficult” that he viewers saw him as someone who was always “open and honest” with them, especially after sharing his experience with depression.

“I went on a world tour in 2018… I was doing these meet and greets, and people would genuinely pour their hearts out to me, and they would talk about everything they were going through in their life,” he said.

“They would talk about illness, they would talk about mental health. And so many people talked about sexuality, just because the community that had been created had this attitude of acceptance and growth and coming together and wholesomeness.”

While he understands that there was “no presumption [he] was a homophobe”, he found it confusing when people would tell him that he had inspired them to come out.

“It was difficult, because I stood there feeling like I was a sham. People were saying: ‘I feel strong enough to say this to you, because you’ve been so open and vulnerable to me.’ And I was just stood there like: ‘Well, actually, I feel like there’s the biggest part of me that I haven’t even yet gone on the journey to acknowledge myself.’

“I mean, I’ve had people that came out to me in front of their parents, because they felt like they were in a safe environment, and that’s crazy.

“The radical bravery of some of these people is what made me think if I was feeling like a little scared dog in my apartment, looking in the mirror like a chihuahua, thinking: ‘How am I ever going to come out publicly at this stage of my life?’ I would think well, actually, look at the younger generation.”

In the ‘chaos’ of the internet, queer YouTubers like Dan Howell and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard building valuable communities.

While the internet can be a scary place for queer folk, Dan Howell and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard are determined to use it to build community and acceptance.

“I think that we don’t talk enough about the wonderful sides of the internet,” said Jessica.

“How it allows people to come together and create a community, how it gives us access to education that might before been blocked to us, how we’re able to actually learn from people who come before us.

“I really like talk about queer history, because we’re one of the only communities and minorities that can’t pass down out knowledge through the generations. Because you know, gay people don’t necessarily have gay kids.

“We often miss out on learning from our elders and learning what’s come before us. And I think it’s really important and lovely that we talk about and validate and really cherish these communities that are available to us on the internet.”

Dan added: “When you look at the chaos of the internet and various online communities, I think it is good to see when people are creating content that can make people feel better.

“For all of the terrifying chaos of the freedom of the internet and creating on YouTube, it also lets people emerge that may not have been represented, you can create the content that you wish someone was making for you.

“And I think that’s one of the best things.”

[ren1327]

Mini Playlists: Camp Cretaceous Ships (2/3)

Hi guys! If you like the songs or have your own to add to the ship playlist, let me know in the comments, asks or anon ask if your not ready to publicly engage.

Also, please no ship hate, all ships are valid and special in thier own to those who ship them, so please don't go starting fights and making people feel bad about what they ship.

Well, let's go!

Yasammy (Yaz x Sammy)

5. Rain On Me-Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande

Sammy is the comfort character I needed. And I know we all associate her with a living breathing sunbeam. I have met people like Sammy all over Texas and this song is for those living breathing sunbeams. But this song also captures what Sammy could have been feeling after she almost f-ing died. "I'd rather be dry, but at least I'm alive = I'd rather I didn't nearly see the reaper, but at least I'm with my friends and we're all safe for now."

"Livin' in a world where no one's innocent Oh, but at least we try, mmh Gotta live my truth, not keep it bottled in So I don't lose my mind, baby, yeah

I can feel it on my skin (It's coming down on me) Teardrops on my face (Water like misery) Let it wash away my sins (It's coming down on me) Let it wash away, yeah

I'd rather be dry, but at least I'm alive Rain on me, rain, rain Rain on me, rain, rain I'd rather be dry, but at least I'm alive Rain on me, rain, rain Rain (Rain) on (On) me"

*

4. Alive-Atella

This song is actually from my old MHA playlist when I was writing Aoyama x Iida fics. I gained from that fandom from a Kiribaku social media fic. It fits way too well with this ship and the emotions I think Sammy would develop for Yaz in thier adult lives.

"But I don't think you know How far that I would go Let me come with you tonight Keep us both alive.

Just let me run with you, run with you, run with you I....I'm in love with the, love with the, love with the light

Open up your heart inside of this machine I am not alive I know you'll be for me."

*

3. Safe With Me-Gryffin and Audrey Mika

The lyrics say it all. I see this as more Yaz centered.

"People tell me I’m a fighter, a survivor No, I don’t suffer fool’s luck I’ve never been the type to get lonely, yeah But bein’ old kinda gets old, kinda gets cold Always keepin’ it cool, yeah There’s a side of me they don’t see

I want somebody to say to me Come lay with me, you’re safe with me I want someone to come through for me Hold tight to me, finally I want somebody to wrap me up in the middle of the night, yeah Stand tall, tell me everything’s alright Who’ll say to me, oh, say to me You’re safe with me Tell me you’ll be safe"

*

2. Made Of Something Different Now-Snow Patrol

I sang this song during a bathroom/snack gathering break me and Loki (my sister) took during season three after Yaz told Sammy thier friendship had an expiration date. Yeah, lyrics again.

"I'm awake, at least I think I am Are you trying to break my heart again? Because I'm made of something different now I'm made of everything you couldn't take with you So stop telling me it's over now I can take anything except the truth Please lie to me one last time And tell me we'll get through all of this"

*

1. Jenny-Studio Killers (Feat. Kim Petras)

Was there even another option for number one?

Mind, this is a different version and I think Kim Petras gives this song a whole new elevation of not only emotion, but youth itself. It gives me college kids on a coastal road trip while one is trying so hard to confess. Hm. Add that to the fic pile. I recommend listening to the Kim Petras version when you get a chance on spotify or youtube.

[popsiclemania]

My 2020 in K dramas (+1 J drama)

I began watching k-dramas in 2018 but I’ve never watched as many shows, Korean or otherwise, as I have in this one. 2020 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I think what helps me really enjoy this over Bollywood+Malayalam+ American pop culture I grew up with is that a smirk on the wrong character’s face doesn’t make me seethe with rage and want to burn everything down. It’s not like growing up with SRK on screen and then having SRK wannabes leave you with lifelong trauma in reality. I can just move on. It’s removed enough from my everyday life but still familiar in a generic Asian family way. Does that make sense? It’s not perfect and it’s not free of its own harmful stereotypes and narratives, but there’s enough of the good stuff to make you stick around. This year I fell in love with Nana, Kim Hye Soo, Han Yeri, Park Eun bin, Ahn Eun jin, Kim Bum, Kim Yong ji, Flower Boy’s Go Dok Mi and Search:WWW’s Bae Tami. Cancelled Ji Chang wook (bye). Desperately missed Kim Jae Wook. Had thoughts on Hwang In Yeop, which were mostly heart eyes. Discovered J dramas and fell in love with Cherry Magic’s Adachi.

My year-in-review below:

LOVED

Into The Ring - I am so glad I saved this for a rainy day because it’s exactly the kind of upright citizen shenanigans my unemployed ass needed at the end of the year.

Goo Se Ra thinks the govt should work for the people but that doesn’t mean her own moral compass always points north. Her purpose is to make steady money, and I love seeing her go hard to survive and cobble together what she needs. The thing that really works for me is that she wants to be good, but she isn’t always. And you get to see her be disappointed, upset, embarrassed and hurt from being publicly kicked in the gut as she navigates a job where she appears, on the surface, to be a supremely confident, self-serving, accidental politician. What you see as her naiveté is mostly just her being a regular person in an environment dictated by backhand deals and rich people politics. She gets hit again and again, and you see what it does to her sense of worth to get back up again, how she grapples with her self. And through all this the show is funny?! Se Ra is what writers of manic pixie characters think they are doing and not doing at all. Love her friends, and Jang Hye-jin is *chef’s kiss*!

Hyena - Kim Hye Soo’s Jung Geum Ja is perhaps Se Ra’s older and darker contemporary.  Geum Ja is a survivor and will get what she wants and where she wants to, however many hells she has to cross. She’s single-minded about her success, ruthless and has no qualms about bending morals to get the outcome she needs. She’ll never compromise on who she is or justify how she lives, can build people up and also tear them down, but she also knows care and kindness.

I turned to Signal for more Kim Hye Soo but was disappointed in how the first few episodes seemed to shortchange her. May try again in 2021.

(Highly recommend @saltr0se​’s  fic series which just GETS Geum Ja so well. Fic writers are the best)

Search: WWW (Finished in 2020) - It took me half a year to finish this. I started watching Search in Oct 2019 and raced through the first 6 episodes because I couldn’t take my eyes off the rollercoaster of Bae Tami’s life. And then I had to take a break because it was a little too close to the frenetic pace of my own industry. As @drivingsideways wrote, a lot of Search is premised around ‘patriarchy? who dat?’, which is why watching its politics play out is so fascinating.  It’s also deliciously turmoil-y to watch a very clear-sighted, weathered Tami put on rose-tinted glasses for her romance and then frequently peer over them to evaluate whether it could actually meld into her life.

Catch The Ghost - Kim Seonho oozes charm and perhaps Startup was a showcase of how effectively he can be a typical male lead. But Catch is exactly not that. Go Jiseok and Yoo Ryeong have moulded their lives around to meet their most desperate wishes in life and in the process also left parts of themselves untended. There is guilt, pain and need. Now guess who will tend to whose wounds? Their dynamic is electric even when the central mystery flags towards the last few episodes of the show. I really hope Moon Geun Young is doing well and gets more amazing roles soon. She is so good here.

(Highly recommend @melonatures​‘s fic for putting that sizzling on-screen chemistry into words. HOW?!) Cherry Magic - Stories about painfully awkward people are my jam and Eiji Akaso gets Adachi’s shy, nervy energy so right. Cherry Magic is straight up just 12 hours of 🥺🥺🥺. 

Stranger/Secret Forest - I’ve been devouring the entirety of Agatha Christie’s work this year after Stranger reminded me how comforting murder mysteries can be. I love Bae Doona. I also love characters who don’t get social norms, not always because they are out to flout them but because that’s just not how their mind/brain works. (have to watch S2)

Flower Boy Next Door -  Honestly, the opening scene introducing Park Shin Hye’s character Go Deok Mi sold me on this immediately. An introverted, penny pinching copy editor living alone and working from home thanks to extreme social anxiety? Love. All the side characters are a lot of fun and I’ve never loved Kim Seulgi and Go Kyung Pyo more. It’s a warm show, slowly rounding off the sharp edges of every character.

JUST FUN

The Spies Who Loved Me -  It’s been a year of disappointing rom-coms and Spies kind of quietly turned it around for me. I want to be the fly on Yoo In Na’s wall as she figures how to play her characters. I’ve only seen her in 3 roles but somehow she always manages to be in character arcs that don’t short change her. Spies could’ve been and sometimes is the regular heterosexual fare, but In Na ups the ante over and over again, coming out on top as the smartest person in the room.

ENJOYED WITH *RESERVATIONS*

I have to watch A Piece Of Your Mind again because I don’t understand how Jung Hae In and Chae Soo bin built SO MUCH warmth and crackling chemistry with barely a kiss. I was iffy about how the whole AI thing started off and the tortured musician plotline (angsty male artists will forever be an eyeroll for me).

Park Min Young is a queen who never disappoints and When The Weather Is Nice is everything you want in a winter romance. My reservation was in how they explore so much of domestic abuse and the complex ways its traumatised the women in this family. I’m ok with the characters having imperfect ways of processing and understanding the violence, I welcome it. I’m not ok with the show dancing around whether the pivotal crime was justified/ self defence (it was).

A lot of dramas did this. I loved Han Yeri and Choo Ja Hyun in My Unfamiliar Family, I didn’t like the free pass the show gave their dad’s abusive character. 

Hwang Jung Eum’s comedy style is generally not my thing but she was pretty great in Mystic Pop-UP Bar. But I’m side-eyeing the sanctity surrounding motherhood. Maybe I should read more about babies and Korean folklore.

Hospital Playlist was my comfort watch through June and July. I think its wholesomeness and non-plot writing came at a good time for me. But I noticed then that the throughline for all main characters was moral superiority and hence what I then saw as *wholesomeness*. It’s kind of what makes it a grating rewatch in parts. Plus the real life of misogyny of Yoo Yeon Seok makes me want to push his angelic catholic character off a cliff. (For context, i was raised catholic). I want to continue loving Chae Song Hwa, and for that the showrunners need to stop cornering her with overbearing romantic interests (let that woman breathe! she literally ran away to another city!) 

Hospital is good at creating moments of comfort, so much so that I went to watch Reply 1988 after it, but had to drop it coz I couldn’t get into it. Maybe I’ll come back to it next year.

Once Again is what I call joint family propaganda. What it does well is lay bare the mechanics of living in a society that prizes the heterosexual family structure, the loops you have to jump through to hide when you break its rules and what happens when you are found out. I love the characters, their fights, their frustrations. I just don’t love the validation of joint families. (context: i grew up in an oppressive joint family lol). In my au, Nahee and Gyujin don’t get married again or immediately have children, but take the long route to figuring out how to love the person the other is. Gahee is openly dating Hyo shin and her parents have to figure out how to process her success and her romance. Young dal and Ok boon have to learn to stop dictating their children’s lives.  Joon sun runs his company from home, so his wife Hyun kyung can work on what she wants. Choyeon, Joori and Ga-yeon go back to being flamboyant AF and the market learns to not judge. Gyujin and Jaesok have to actually work on the relationship with their mother and what sent her into depression. Just a lot of learning involved.

Just Between Lovers was a nice watch, i just don’t get how Kang doo and Ha Moon So’s relationship will survive his constantly simmering anger. 

Crash Landing on You was so much fun until the main romance turned angsty, but it gave us North Korean soldier shenanigans and the epic romance of Seo Dan and Alberto Gu that we needed more of.

Tale of The Nine Tailed is probably what Goblin wished it was. I, however, will never be over Lee Rang. (Also, when can gods stop meeting their love interests as babies? Asking for my sanity)

I literally ignored everything in Oh My Ghost except Park Bo Young and Kim Seulgi and it was amazing. 

NOPE

Goblin, Dinner Mate, Oh My Baby and My Secret Romance were a whole lot of NO, NAHI, ILLAAA. 

I loved hate-watching The King:Eternal Monarch with the rest of k drama tumblr but someone please take away Kim Eun-sook’s access to gigantic budgets and all-star casts.

It was painful to watch Do You Like Brahms squander away its potential but I’m glad to be introduced to Park Eun bin. Age of Youth is next on watchlist.

More than Friends to me is only Ahn Eun jin. Someone give her amazing lead roles asap.

Why did Record of Youth do that to Park So Dam and her clothes? Just why

WANTED TO WATCH, BUT COULDN’T BECAUSE *INTENSE* 

World Of The Married, It’s Okay Not To Be Okay, Sweet Home, Extracurricular, Penthouse, Flower of Evil, Lie After Lie

WILL WATCH NEXT YEAR

SF8, Stove League, Birth Care Centre but I’ll start the new year with School Nurse Files coz it looks very good.

[duratrans]

Satoshi Mizukami Q&A, 3/3

Satoshi Mizukami recently took questions from the editor's desk, and publicly from write-ins, for an interview to celebrate the first volume of Solte going on sale (Jan 9th!). So I translated them all! It’s in three parts, so I’ll post them one by one.

Here is the third and final section, general questions of all kinds.

Q: I heard you were pretty impressed by Masakazu Ishiguro's Hero (note: Debut work in Gekkan Afternoon, 2000), and when you met him you said "You're my rival!" right to his face! Is there anyone that comes to mind you would still consider your professional rival today? A: Oof. I don't think I have that spirit in me any more. But, even while myself and so many of my friends are starting to slow down, when I see them putting out work, I do feel encouraged to stick it out.

Q: I've heard you started working to become a manga artist because you "wanted to live in a fantasy world" yourself. If you really could jump into a fictional world, what kind of work would it be? Who would you be in the story? The main character, or maybe the last boss? A: I want to live in a porno game. Somewhere with no danger or fighting.

Q: From any medium, can you think of one piece that you liked the most or inspired you? And can you explain why? A: There's probably too many to try and pick just one, but in terms of what really influenced me; For manga, late 90's Shonen Sunday and early 2000's Afternoon. Then, 90's new-wave light novels. For anime, Diebuster. In film, La Puta. A handful of Sega Saturn games. Some scifi stories on forums, and a bunch of other works on Shosetsu-ka ni Narou.

Q: What have you seen/read/played more recently that you liked the best? And can you tell us what you liked? A: Manga: Touge Oni. It was the first thing I read in a while that made me jealous. In books, The Three-Body Problem. I liked the second of the trilogy best, but they were just good page-turners. For anime, Karakuri Circus. The manga ended long enough ago that it felt like going in fresh again, so it hit just right. Really liked the OP too. Film: Interstellar. Tenet wasn't great, so I rewatched this again and still good. It's exactly the kind of movie I was wanting. Games: Ring Fit. I had the idea if I got a little bit in shape, I might get some motivation back. I feel like it might be working? Just the teensiest, slightest bit. Light novels: I Am the Only One Who Knows This World Is a Game. It's just the right amount of bonkers.

Q: If you had ultimate freedom to do any kind of manga you wanted, what would it be like? Would you want a long series, or something shorter? -Ruha A: I was going to say I haven’t exactly had any restrictions, but actually a few things did come up with Solte. But even still, I can fit in any ideas I really want to draw, so I think things are pretty good as they are.

Q: If you had to put yourself in a genre, what kind of manga artist do you think you are? Sci-fi? Or maybe romance? -Takeshi A: I'm a little surprised to see "romance", even as an example. If you ask me, you can categorize me however you want.

Q: Which character are you most attached to, out of all of your works? -Habu A: Anima from Biscuit Hammer.

Q: When you're designing your characters, how do you come up with a good balance when it comes to the composition and relationships in the cast? -Yoneko A: Oh, man. I just kinda... Feel it out.

Q: I've been a big fan of your work forever! I really like your drawing style. How do you make your art the way you do? -gum A: I dunno, that's just how it turns out when I draw. I've been telling myself "Wow, I need to work on my art" for 19 years, since the day I was first published.

Q: Has raising a child had any effect on your stories? -Tai A: It means I work less.

Q: I want to draw manga too, but I'm not very confident in my skills. Do you have any advice? -Tai Arima A: First, do you mean you're not satisfied yourself with the quality of your work, or you're just not confident enough to put it out there? Don't worry, this is always a fundamental issue for creators, things rarely come out just how you imagine them. It's like how you can only print out photos at a resolution as sharp as your camera can capture them. I recommend you start by just making something. Sit down, do it, and finish it, and you'll learn a lot from it. It'll be up to you whether you show that around, but when you start, I wouldn't necessarily make a big deal out of it, you can just work on it quietly without making a big announcement. That way, there's no pressure, and if it's not working out, you can still stop or take a break without feeling bad about it. You decide how to use your time the best.

Q: When I went to a promo event for Planet With at Loft, you and Rensuke Oshikiri (Hi Score Girl) both talked about how as you get older, you find it harder and harder to stay motivated. Have you found anything that helps you in that regard? -Tayu A: I listed to some cheerful music for a while last week and actually found it helped my mood a little.

Q: I love how expressive all of your characters are! Is there anything particular in your process for when you are working on faces and expressions? -Arbel A: I have to be careful I don't go overboard making the same expression I'm drawing.

Q: I write for a hobby, but I always have trouble planning out how the story comes together. Do you have any advice or a favorite method for composing a story? -Nigou A: I read and re-read what I've got, and anywhere I think it's getting dull, I change the scene or add some exciting development. Make the last thing you think would happen, happen. And don't worry about how to tidy everything up, that's a problem for tomorrow you. Today you just has to lay it out.

Q: Hello, Sensei. I've read all your works, and I'm a big fan, but what really impresses me is your dialog. I love how it always just flows off the page, it reads so naturally. So, my question is, when you are writing the dialog, do you just hear it unfold naturally in the character's voices, or do you write more deliberately like "oh, here they would probably say this?" That probably sounds weird to people who've never written manga, but I'd like to know about your process. P.S. Good luck with the Ring Fit grind. -Kiki A: First I decide how the dialog needs to play out in order to advance the story in the direction I want. Then, I just let the characters talk among themselves, and if it doesn't turn out right, I go back, shake things up, and try again. And sometimes I get good material, but it just needs to be trimmed or re-arranged just right.

Q: A lot of your stories have some sort of turning point where the back half really kicks it up a notch and things just keep getting more intense. Do you already have these developments planned when you start a manga? -TKO A: I usually have a few ideas but it's always pretty vague. I never know if I'm gonna wind up putting in or cutting certain scenes, so I don't worry about it too much.

Q: Do you have one favorite scene or a particular line from your own work? -yamatozo A: At the beginning of Spirit Circle volume 6, where the bad guy falls down the stairs and goes "I've made a lot of missteps".

Q: Do you have any idea of what genre you'd like to draw next? -Umehoshi A: I won't say no, but I don't want to give anything away (for my next work, or this one).

Q: If you weren't successful as a manga artist, where do you think you would be? -Ayuta A: Jail. But I'd be a model prisoner.

Q: How much longer do you think you'd like to continue as a manga artist? -Ayuta A: If I could pay the bills for the rest of my life with 24 pages a month, that's just what I'd do. At some point maybe I'll get to be unsatisfied with that and start to push myself to work more and more until I get sick of it, but no telling when that might come.

Q: How do you think of your character's names? -Takeshi A: They just come to me. I look at how I designed the characters and just imagine.

Q: I feel like some kind of forgiveness or absolution is something a lot of your characters go through. Does "forgiveness" have a special significance to you? -Bow-wow A: I'm not sure. Maybe it's me who is seeking forgiveness.

Q: Do you have a favorite phrase or motto? A: I like Shigeru Mizuki's (Gegege no Kitaro) 7 Rules of Being Happy. I don't really go around saying them or anything, but it's something I like to remind myself of, and helps me be mindful of other people. Also, I like "fortune favors the bold."

Q: You like frogs enough that you always draw yourself as one. What do you like about frogs? And do you have a favorite species? A: Frogs are cute. I like green tree frogs the best.

Q: You've drawn a lot of different youkai in Sengoku Youko, but out of all the youkai that most people know from stories, which is your favorite? Could it be the Chan Chu (chinese money toad), or possibly the oogama (monstrous giant toad)? A: My favorite youkai is Mizuki Shigeru.

Q: You've been doing Ring Fit, and eating oatmeal, are you doing anything else to help stay in shape? A: I put the Karakuri Circus season one and season two OP on a playlist and listen to it while I walk to work.

Q: If you were stranded all alone on a deserted island, what are the three things you would want to have with you? A: Really? Okay. I would bring two essential tools I can't find on an island, and a map.

Q: Do you have a favorite actor or celebrity? -Umehoshi A: Nope.

Q: What's the best kind of alcohol and snacks you've had? Where did you drink it? -Ikaninjin A: In the middle of a hellish summer and probably suffering from heatstroke at an amusement park with my kid, I had the best beer of my life in an air-conditioned food court. And the delicious spice to top it off was the bright sun knifing through the window that I just knew was tormenting everyone still outside.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up? -Ayuta A: A youkai.

Q: What does your internal mindscape look like? -Rou A: An empty lot.

Q: Has anything happened recently that you're happy about? -Sanachan A: My son is starting to read and write.

Q: What kind of hotpot are you looking forward to this winter? -Tommy A: I'm not crazy about hotpot.

Q: I'd like to go to another event where we can toast again, would you consider it?

-Uta

A: If current events allow.

Q: How many times have you thought about quitting Ring Fit? -Honyarara A: 2 or 3 times. A week.

Q: I know you call it your "100-day Ring Fit Diary" on twitter, but since you've been taking breaks too, will you be going past 100? Will the illustrations be collected and published anywhere? -The Dieting Gentleman A: I'm going until I clear adventure mode, but it'll probably be finished by the time this article is up. I'll probably do some sets here and there. No plans for the illustrations.

Q: Do you have a favorite panel out of all your works? -Umehoshi A: You guys are really focused on my favorite everything. I have a lot of panels I like, not one in particular.

Q: Hi, I really enjoy all of your works, and there's one thing I think I notice (sorry if I'm wrong), and that's a love of glasses girls. Out of your manga so far, which is your favorite of all your glasses girls? Do you have a particular girl you've become a fan of recently? As for myself, I really like Yoru from Sanjin Sadou, so I'd love to see a story with her and her sister! -Bashi A: Glasses girls aren't particularly a thing for me.

Q: When you're doing authographs or sketches, does it bother you at all if people request characters from your past works? If I get a chance, I would probably ask for Hyou Shimaki from Biscuit Hammer, for instance. -Akasha A: If it's a promo event for a Mag Garden title, and you were to ask for a character from a Gahosha title, for instance, it might technically bump up against merchandising contracts, which makes it a little weird (I'm typically not allowed to to create any merchandise without going through the publisher), but my managing editors are usually cool enough about it. But if it's specifically a Sengoku Youko event, for instance, and I'm constantly getting asked for Biscuit Hammer drawings (let's say more than half), that would probably be an issue and they might make a rule against it for next time. Also, I tend to forget how the older characters actually looked. For personal reasons, I probably won't be doing any in-person events like this for a while, though. There's also the whole "current state of the world" thing, and my profitability and if bookstores actually want to do it, a lot of issues to solve.

Q: You usually draw Anima working out on Twitter, but did you have plans for any other characters to show up doing Ring Fit? (Like from Angel or Sanjin) -RYO A: I did, but forgot.

Q: Will you put together another oneshot collection, like Geko Geko? -Friday A: I don't know.

Q: Question! What is love? -Shirae A: To live is to love.

Q: How about this, do you have any questions you want to ask your readers? -Buriki A: Would you rather have: A. One series a month, from roughs to completion, all done by me B: Two series a month, with roughs by me and final touches by someone else

Q: I know thinking positive is half the battle, but what can I do about people who're determined to get me down? Can I give them a Samidare Punch? -Nondakure A: Your fist, and the choice of how to use it, belongs to you alone.

[latefrequencies]

.

it all comes around to a handful of things I suppose.....Joy Division and Withnail and I. i pair those things really strongly in my mind. stronger than makes sense. i mean I don’t know the reason for it, I loved them both very very much during the exact same time. I was 19 and I promised not to kill myself until age 24 because Ian Curtis killed himself when he was 23 and I wanted to make it to 24 because he didn’t get to. I don’t even know why. It wasn’t even especially about him because I wasn’t. really? that interested in him as a person? When I say I had An Ian Curtis Thing it sounds like I was obsessed with him, but it really wasn’t like that, it was more about the music. I suppose I was making a promise to the mind behind the music. To the origin of the music. To the origin of what I loved. To the origin of this thing I loved very much and in which I was very emotionally invested and which kept me very together a great amount of the time. 

I am of course talking about Joy Division and not about Withnail and I. the culture surrounding that film is strange. I’m calling it strange because I can’t think of a better word for it. I saw people heavily caught up in the culture of that film and I’ve seen things end less than ideally for them. I was caught up in it but I got out of it okay but I think that’s because I was trying VERY hard not to have my benzo use become too much of a habit (and the things I was hurting myself with at the time, the pills I was taking as self harm, they were not psychoactive, I may have had some with DPH in it not knowing that’s what it was at the time and perhaps some things could be explained by that. anyway though whenever I talked about pills I was talking about things I was trying to fuck my liver with for the fuck of it.) Anyway it’s strange. It’s strange that I only developed serious substance habits the further I found myself emotionally from that film. If I could make an X and Y axis chart of “amount of emotional investment in Withnail and I” and “intensity of drug habit”, you’d find a negative correlation between the two. VERY strange. perhaps I’m really the strangest thing of all.

There’s that thing in Withnail and I where Marwood gets the haircut and it’s like a Very Important Moment, he’s not the guy he was at the start of this whole thing and he’s got the hair to prove it. During the time Sebastian Blake Stott was most into Withnail and I, during that time he’d point out to me that my hair looked like Marwood’s and he’d say I was the Withnail to his Marwood and it was very true, both things were. And then three or so years later I found a bottle of hair dye at the pharmacy while getting the prescription pills to which I’d become so very addicted and I took it home and I tried dyeing my hair teal and it was a disaster at first but I got the hang of it and I’ve never really gone back. There’s never been a time since then that my hair’s been fully unbleached or undyed. The possibility for Marwood hair was gone.

Four weeks after Sebastian died was when I got out of my abusive then-home, after he couldn’t get out of his. He had something he had wanted to tell me a few days before his death and it seemed like he meant to tell me of something positive, he seemed excited, but what it was I couldn’t have guessed. His partner at the time said that he’d confided that he thought there was no hope of recovery for him, and I wonder if he’d wanted to have told me the same. Was that what he was excited to tell me? Why the “Jude!!! There’s something I need to tell you, can you get on Skype right now???” for such a bleak announcement? Why was he like that? But a week or so later he died and I released a playlist on 8tracks based on Vyvian Withnail, the character whose first name I had taken as my middle name at the time as an homage - can’t even explain fully what to anymore other than perhaps You Know, Him - said something about wishing Seb’s ghost could hear it someplace. I don’t remember if I put a Joy Division song on there. I know I did for the Marwood playlist. I don’t know if Withnail got his own Joy Division song. Sebastian and I were both twenty when he died. A few months after his passing, I turned twenty-one. I didn’t drink that year.

Three years later impulse-buying hair dye wasn’t the actual end of my Marwood hair. That was when I got a haircut after leaving my father’s place, and it was going to be the same haircut I got each time after that, keeping it longer in the front and shorter in the back as opposed to having it the same length pretty much everywhere before. It could still MAYBE be re-Marwoodized. It wasn’t too terribly different. I could just let it grow back if I wanted, go through an awkward-looking phase, and either bring an old picture of myself or cut it myself based on the same, depending on whether this was “before I started doing my own hair” or “after I realized you don’t need to pay for haircuts”. The hair dye was just the part that sealed it, made sure the possibility really was gone.

For whatever unholy fucking reason, there are a large number of articles about Sebastian, deadnaming him and giving the narrative of his death that his mother wanted the world to hear. Don’t look them up but I suppose I can’t stop you. If they can say that publicly, I suspect it’s fine of me to say all of this. It’s barely anything I haven’t said before anyway.

It was a year ago that, age 25, I was at a local new wave tribute band show, a sentence that’s perhaps quite different from anything I’ve said thus far but was just what my life was like then. It was on June 21, a thing I only know because I remembered someone mentioning in passing that this happened to be the longest day of the year. I’d been looking forward to it all year because there was a Joy Division tribute band and I think I had both a patch AND a pin of Joy Division on the jacket I’d made a year prior that I now wore to everything. It was exciting and everyone knew it was exciting because it was Joy Division, it was songs I hadn’t thought I’d ever hear performed live ever. I went sober, something I’d found was a more fun way to enjoy your life music, the Joy Division band went on first. The singer’s impression of Ian Curtis’s dancing was accurate and tasteful and I was surprised when I spoke to him after the show and found out he’d only been with them for the past two weeks. 

“I was really excited to hear you guys do that music because I’ve loved Joy Division for a very long time,” I told the guy, and eventually it turned to the significance of the music for me, how when I was 19, I said I’d wait to die til 24, because this man had killed himself at 23, and now here I was at 25, and the guy had something of a “holy shit” look on his face at some point. I don’t remember the exact detail, maybe it was how young I was (the attendees of those shows tended to be at least a decade my senior), how young I was when I so wanted to die, how young I still was now, how young it made Ian Curtis when he did it, how young anyone can be, how young I am now still wanting to do it every so often because no matter what’s right in my life I can somehow never be rid of what’s wrong. In a weird way I think he felt validation. He mentioned again he’d been fearing he’d fuck up the show but no he was getting a response like this, he had no cause to doubt his performance. I never saw his band again, but I heard of some show performed on I think it was the birthday of someone from the scene who’d since passed, in honor of that person, and Joy Revision was on the bill. I bet the band did well. 

[rcdwrxck]

CHAIN OF SWEETNESS

5 THINGS YOU LOVE ABOUT YOUR CHARACTER.

( ONE )    How complex he is. Say what you want about Reno, but he’s got more layers than any other character I’ve been blessed to write. Every time I think there’s nothing else that could possibly surprise me about him (and bear in mind I’ve loved him since the OG) there’s always something else that does. In either the way he words something, the way he acts and even more so now he has actual expression (thank you remake). I’m glad that people are getting to know the other side of him rather than the comedic value that AC brought him in as. He is complex and intelligent. Fiery, fierce and dedicated.  ( TWO )    He is loyal to a fault, which is also probably one of his biggest downfalls. He feels deeply, though he’ll make out that everything is fine. He will risk life and limb for things (lets be honest, how many times does he get his ass handed to him?) Yet he keeps coming back for more, which leads me to the next -- ( THREE )    He never gives up. Beat him down, count him out. You can bet he’ll get right back up and continue. ( FOUR )    He is so painfully human and not this Shinra Machine everyone thinks he is. He feels his choices and he has so many regrets. He might not show you, but you can see it if you look hard enough.  ( FIVE )     He is quite often underestimated. Fobbed off as comedy or idiotic. What I love about him is how intelligent he is. You can’t tell me that Reno became the Turks second in command without being intelligent. You can’t tell me that he flies a chopper backwards and tell me he isn’t talented at what he does. He is fast, intelligent and resilient. He will always use his surroundings to his advantage. He is also strong. He can hold his own very well, though he may not be as physically strong as the likes of Rude or Cloud it doesn’t make him weak. Where he lacks in the physical pow wow he sure makes up for in his zippity zooms and intelligence. Don’t underestimate him. Or do... but don’t be surprised when he uses it against you.

5 PEOPLE ON HERE YOU LOVE, AND WHY.

( ONE ) @liifestreams​ Lottie.  You came in to my life unexpectedly, you’re one of the few I talk to every single day without fail. You never fail to cheer me up when I’m down and our random late night conversations just have me grinning from ear to ear! I couldn’t imagine life without you, it honestly feels like I’ve known you forever. Absolutely without a doubt one of my best friends. I mean come on, my husband doesn’t even ask who I’m talking to anymore. He knows it’s you! I love you to pieces!  ( TWO ) @roseusuitta​ DRE! You little gremlin. My little baguetto friend. I think from the moment those baguette shenanigans started we were stuck together. We come up with crazy hairbrained ideas and we just roll with it. Just screaming at each other over discord, random messages or voice calls and just chatting utter ribbons at each other! I honestly never thought I’d make some actual real life friends on this hellsite, but I have. I love you! ( THREE ) @shinrasfirst​ YOU! YES. YOU. I don’t even know where to start. You’re one of the ones that I speak to the most, Min. You’re one of my little gems that’s living on my ‘keep forever’ shelf. Between all our vast verses, everything we come up I fall in love with. Some completely accidental. You’re always there though, you’re definitely a permanent fixture. I adore how we just throw things at each other and our reactions are always (eyes). You’re one in a million and I feel so damn lucky and blessed to be able to call you a friend. ILY ( FOUR ) @stingslikeabee​ I MEAN WHERE DID YOU EVEN SNEAK UP ON ME FROM? You are such a sweetheart, one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. You put up with all my crazy and don’t judge me acting like a complete idiot. You put up with my idiot son (which is a tall order some days with Reno) like the most patient person ever. I know I can dive in your discord without worrying that I’m annoying you, or pestering you (which I worry about with a lot of people) and that’s because you’ve always been so welcoming and just absolutely lovely. Keeps you. ( FIVE ) @thememcry​ Kay. Kay Kay. My name twin. Original putter upper with Reno. Absolute A+ gremlin. I know we don’t talk as much as we used to, but you will forever hold a special place on my mantle-piece. You’re an absolute diamond, gem in the rough. Or the other way around, you get it. I just absolutely adore you and figured what better way than to publicly declare my love for you! Bahah. No seriously, ILU. You’re amazing.

5  SONGS EITHER YOU OR YOUR MUSE REGARD AS A ‘GUILTY PLEASURE’ THAT ALWAYS MAKES YOU SMILE.

Oh this is going to be fun, there’s so many. 

( ONE )  Queen of Mean   -- but is this because Reno has a little sister addicted to Disney’s descendants or simply because the Mun was forced to watch all three of the films and found the songs bloody catchy. On another scope from the same film, mashed up two songs together and surprisingly it works. Here ( TWO ) because i think every 90s girl listened to these, though probably wouldn’t ever admit to still having them on a playlist, right? ( THREE ) i remember my sister listening to these and i still find that whenever their songs come on I can’t skip them. Not even going to lie, I know it word for word.  ( FOUR ) honestly when i was younger i absolutely loved the backstreet boys. i want it that way ( FIVE ) and another movie one... i dont even know if this is a guilty pleasure because i freely admit it. try everything - shakira - zootopia

does it even count as guilty pleasures if you openly admit to them?

Tagged by: @madamdirectcr​ / @liifestreams​ Tagging: all the above mentioned and anyone else who wants to do it.

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told

(Note, if this post shows up twice or massively delayed or just looks weird, it’s because it was flagged for adult content [??!] because I had a picture of Willem Dafoe’s face in a gif. I am not even kidding. Do with that information what you will. I’ve removed it and I still don’t know if/when this can be publicly viewed, I’m kind of lolling. So if you see a blocked out photo that looks like porn in your post, I swear it’s just a gif from The Lighthouse!)

Hello, amazing people. This weekend, I’m putting the final touches on my last draft of Baghdad Waltz Chapter 39, which will then go to the beta for one more round of edits. I imagine I will have the chapter posted in 1-3 weeks, which is close to record speed for me, especially since it’s around 30k words. I’m going to be talking about my writing process (at unfortunate length) for one of the asks, for those who are interested. 

Please forgive me. I’m feeling quite verbose and a little squirrely. I blame living alone during lockdown. 

It’s also Memorial Day weekend in the States, which is when we are meant to honor those who gave their lives in military service to this country. This is often confused with Veterans Day (November 11), which is honoring anyone who has served in the military and is no longer serving. This gets further confused with Armed Forces Day (rotating date, May) which is to honor those currently serving in the military. I know, super confusing. 

There’s a wide range of opinions on how Memorial Day should be commemorated, which often involves gathering with friends and family for a barbecue or some other social activity. It’s the first major holiday after a huge holiday drought throughout the late winter and spring, which often makes people look forward to it immensely. Some people feel it’s inappropriate to celebrate Memorial Day with barbecues and fond social gatherings because it’s dishonoring the memories of those who can’t be here, people don’t take time to remember those who have died, people have no idea what the day is actually for, etc. Others, even some very vocal veterans, maintain that people died so that we could be here to celebrate in freedom, so why not relish this life we have? Many offer the caveat that it’s appropriate to at least acknowledge the purpose of the day, even if it’s just in a few minutes of quiet reflection. 

Anyway, I offer this as a little food for thought for this upcoming long weekend. 

(And in case you missed it, I posted a BW Timeline for your reference.) 

Contains spoilers through Chapter 38.

[Takes deep breath]

I’m so glad that you are enjoying the read and that you’re finding it inspiring for your own work. I think my dedication to research for BW is threefold. 1) As this story evolved, I decided that I wanted to create the most realistic depictions of military, civilian, emotional, and physical life that I reasonably could. I will fully admit to lapses in this, deliberate and unintentional, because sometimes the plot just needs to go and I can’t wait around for a year-long medical discharge process for my character. 2) I’m in an academically stringent occupation, and because research is such a prominent part of my work life, it’s bled to my hobby. (IS THIS EVEN A HOBBY ANYMORE?) And 3) I get very easily and passionately obsessed with things and delight in getting “into the weeds” with a subject. Almost every research divergence usually takes me off track for at least an hour. And you will never catch me without an MTA subway map open in at least one tab.

But that wasn’t even your question! Sorry. Are you beginning to get a sense of why BW takes me so long to write?? I cannot keep my shit on track. As for the bibliography, YES! I plan to include that in my author’s note at the end. I wish I had kept better track of all of my works consulted over the past three years, but I will definitely discuss the importance of some of the main ones. I’m so thrilled that you are interested, and I’m excited to share them!

Thank you. This is such a kind thing to say, and I’m humbled and delighted to hear it, especially because our fandom is so blessed with some AMAZING fics. And asks certainly don’t have to be questions! I appreciate them all (except the flaming bag of dog shit ones, which I haven’t had in a while, hooray).

(Re: Chapter 37) Good question! I imagine Claire would want to keep the 1:1 conversation somewhat limited, as she is treating the couple as a patient rather than them as individuals. If anything, she might have somewhat superficially checked in to see if he was okay rather than dive into anything regarding the relationship with Bucky not around. That could be seen as a betrayal of trust to Bucky and could be interpreted as favoritism, which Steve craves and which Bucky is probably terrified about.

I am always pleased when people re-read and enjoy it or get new things out of it, even if it’s sometimes a re-read is a function of my slow-ass writing. I really want a story with good re-read value.

You make an excellent point about Bucky’s relationships. His friendship with Jack also had no real closure. Sometimes this is a factor of circumstance and sometimes it’s because of his avoidance, like a self-fulfilling prophesy almost. He’s learned that people betray you, either by hurting you or dying, so he creates conditions sometimes (often unwittingly) for things to go sour and end poorly, or he will simply make himself disappear so that he’s not hurt and doesn’t have to wait to see if he will be abandoned or betrayed. He’s not a guy who is good with goodbyes.

As for Thor, I totally see how it would read that way. I think Thor started out fishing for longer-term possibilities in a romantic relationship but then realized Bucky is really not a guy who is comfortable settling (which, as we can see, is true). As for why it seems more serious, one thing is that Thor still wanted Bucky in his life as a friend, possibly one with benefits. They have a lot in common, and it’s hard for veterans - and, more specifically, special operators - to find people in their lives they can relate to with these very intense life experiences. I wanted this to be a real relationship, but maybe not necessarily one that was bound to become a RELATIONSHIP. I think Bucky was very intriguing and attractive to him, and he very well may have struggled with his own vacillation between whether to take it seriously or whether to remain friends+. This can lead to mixed messages.

And we also have to remember Bucky’s notoriously unreliable narration, where he will see what he wants to see. Our perspective comes from him. We see the details he zooms in on, miss the one he ignores, view the relationship through the lens of his own contentious desire for a real relationship, even as he consistently demonstrates the lack of capacity and his fear about getting serious. I imagine Bucky has having an extremely poor ability to distinguish friendship from romance, and why wouldn’t he, given the most recent bit of history we have learned about him with Jack? He’s had a series of friendships become sexualized, and I think this affects his capacity to be discerning. Bucky’s radar for relating, whether friendships, romance, or potentially dangerous sexual situations, is terribly mis-calibrated. How confusing for him and for the people in his life. Of course, everyone is free to interpret the dynamics of any relationship however they choose. These are just some of my thoughts.

I really appreciate observations from the re-read! Thank you!

I watched the video and you are right! This is definitely a Bucky song. Bucky’s sense of self is by turns profoundly distorted and lacking in grounding, especially now that he’s not in the military. He’s been in a low key existential crisis since he was a kid and has turned to drinking and sex and war to fill this horrible void, and although I can’t speak for what the artists here intended, I certainly sensed those elements here for sure. (Also, what an interesting choice for a music video…)

Thank you for sharing! I’ll add it to the unofficial BW playlist in the author’s note, which consists of various songs people have associated with BW and shared with me.

Good question! I started off this story picturing the actors who represent the characters in the MCU, because I figured we’d be picturing that when we read the fic anyway (though my beta told me she doesn’t see them as the actors, more like artists’ renderings of the characters, which I find interesting). So when describing their physicality, I tend to refer back to the MCU, since this is technically an MCU AU. But the longer I go with the story, the murkier the resemblance feels to me, especially when I think about Bucky, IDK why. I have also been considering doing something more with BW after I finish it (i.e., converting it into a proper not-bajillion-word novel, sunk cost and whatnot), in which case I would definitely change the characters’ appearance, names, cut MCU Easter eggs, etc. So when I try to think of who these people might be in future iterations of the story, things get even more blurred in my mind when I imagine them.

I wonder how other people see them??

So, with regards to PTSD clinical teams, there is some variation across VAs in the system. Some focus more on military-related trauma, whether it’s war, military sexual trauma, accidents, etc. as a way of concentrating their services and managing supply and demand. From talking with providers in these kinds of systems, sometimes you just NEED a military-related trauma, but you can be treated for, say, a childhood trauma if it’s more pressing. Other VAs are very open in their criteria, and you can see them for pretty much any kind of trauma that qualifies diagnostically for PTSD (or sub-threshold PTSD) without question. That’s why I love the expression “If you’ve been to one VA, you’ve been to one VA.” That said, it kind of doesn’t matter what kind of PTSD clinical team is at the VA in Manhattan, because Bucky has so much military trauma that he would very likely qualify to receive services in any PTSD clinical team. They just might focus on childhood stuff (if Bucky actually let them, which is another matter entirely).

This is a great question! Thanks for asking.

I love a snarky asshole Bucky so much, and I’ve tried to temper this version of him with enough hard-earned genuineness to offset it a little bit. It’s such a tender balance with him, because if you back him too far into a corner, he’s going to let you have it. But if you give him too much space, it’s hard to pin him down and wring something honest from him. He’s definitely learned to use humor and sarcasm to deflect from painful or uncomfortable situations, and it’s a very adaptive short-term strategy that makes him both endearing and infuriating to others.

But ugh, yeah, shit gets so rough around Chapter 28/29. I don’t know how to feel when people have really strong emotional reactions to this story, because one part of me doesn’t want to contribute to the crappy feelings people may already be struggling with — especially in the times of COVID — but I don’t want to be afraid to dive into the hurt these characters are experiencing. That’s why I recommend checking in with oneself before reading to get a sense of how much emotional bandwidth is available to manage the immense problems of two people struggling so much. I also think that for some people it can be cathartic or otherwise not-bad maybe (?), based on the feedback I’ve received. I also really try hard to balance out the painful stuff with growth, even though it can be terribly difficult to locate sometimes.

In comments to folks, and here, I often talk about adjusting the ticks on your measuring stick for progress, where instead of leaps of progress over feet/meters, we may be observing things on an inch/mm scale. This story is my most sincere effort at a “recovery is not linear” narrative, which I think is so much more reflective of real life for a lot of folks than a straight upward trajectory. Humans are such creatures of habit, and the lessons these characters have learned through their lives about themselves, trust, relationships, and how to manage emotions are very deeply ingrained — often through traumatic means. These are the lessons learned the hardest, with the greatest perceived consequences for change, and it takes real courage for us to be able to try new things even once, let alone to establish a reliable pattern of behavior. This can lead to a lot of frustration for us as readers/writer, and I come from a place of this being okay, because we are encountering a parallel process with the characters, who are frustrated with each other and themselves about the same things. I do hope the pain/progress/joy ratios are not horribly out of whack most of the time. That’s another reason I like long chapters, because if this was just blips of sometimes terrible episodes in shorter form, I think it would be very challenging to not lose hope entirely.

But I’m so glad you’re finding the read meaningful, even if it’s sometimes painful and difficult.

(YES.)

And FINALLY -- (this is all soooo long, I’m so sorry.)

Oh, thank you for this question! My spreadsheet ended up getting too difficult to manage, and I actually had a small crisis six months ago about how the fic was going to end, because it just didn’t feel right. I had to scrap it and go back to the drawing board and really ask myself - what would these characters really do? Naturally, as a factor of their psychologies and circumstances, how will they bring this story to an end? Some advice I once heard about a “satisfying” ending is that it’s the place where there’s simply nothing more to say about the characters. There’s no more story to tell. I had to abandon all of my desires  and ideas for a particular ending or concerns about making people sad or happy or excited or disappointed. I know that the only ending that will be satisfying is one that makes sense for these people. Anything contrived or backward-engineer-y wouldn’t feel right to anyone. I do have a couple of specific character arc things I want to happen, so I set those down as touchstones and said, okay, what would happen next? What would Steve do with this? And what would Bucky do with this? And what would they do with the thing the other person did? I take a very psychology and prior-behavior-based approach to plotting, almost all character driven. The rest is just figuring out what is supposed to go where and how to organize it.

I’ve converted everything to a Google Doc and have a very basic outline where I write plotty-plot stuff. I also have a “garbage dump” doc where I write certain lines I want to use or certain details I want to include somewhere. When I get into a new chapter, I’ll check the dump doc as I outline and write to see if I want to pluck anything from there. I have my outline open regularly to add to it. Sometimes I write scenes out of order, dialogue first, but that’s only if I really am excited about a particular scene and cannot contain myself. Otherwise, I write completely chronologically and have no buffer. I post things as soon as I write them.

As for your specific questions, I do have a “process” for getting into my characters’ heads. It helps to know them so very well and to have a firm sense of their idiosyncrasies and patterns of behavior. As you may have noticed, they repeat their patterns all. the. time, as humans do, but I also want to have them change their behaviors a little as things go and they progress. So I may wonder what they could do a little differently, why they would WANT to behave differently, and imagine what they would need to do to change their behavior. Do they need to take breaths? Do they remember the last time some shit went down? I really try to think of the “how” and “why” of every single action - from big blowouts to eye rolls.

So once I’ve figured out what they are going to do, I try to pinpoint the associated emotions I want to highlight. This is a whole separate process, because I have to think also about their internal versus their external emotional states. Steve, for example, will often have a discrepant inside and outside, because one of the truths about his character is that he is a chronic suppressor. There is also the issue of unreliable narration and interpretation of behavior. Steve might do something in a scene, but that doesn’t mean Bucky is going to interpret it the way it was intended. I have to think about their individual filters, which often reflect their internal beliefs about themselves. Bucky is more likely to read Steve’s actions as reflections of how BUCKY feels about HIMSELF (e.g., he’s disgusted by me because I’m disgusting) rather than imagine what Steve is really thinking based on his own experiences and beliefs about Bucky. I also attempt to convey some of the more second and third layer emotions that people have in situations, rather than only highlighting the primary emotion. Sad things don’t always just make people sad. Powerful emotions, for example, might make Steve feel out of control of himself, which could generate secondary emotions for him like frustration because he’s losing control. Part of the process in the construction of the narrative is also scrubbing what I’ve written for POV, because Bucky’s word choices aren’t the same as Steve’s, and in order to try to preserve the “voice” of each character, I often have to change the words I’ve opted to use, as well as the syntax.

So, as you can see, there’s a lot of layering that is happening all the time. As for the dialogue, I have no compunction about saying the lines aloud, “acting” them to see how they sound, to get a sense of what tone I want them to say things in. Now that I think of it, I do a bit of movement-based stuff, thinking about how people sit and stand, figuring how many steps it takes to get from A-Z, what it would look like to lean against something, how it would feel on the body, etc. I try to get the most felt sense of things as I can. If I’m imagining a scene, I try to put myself in the shoes of the characters to the point where I feel the emotions, just so I can know how it reflects in my body and my mind and behavior. I have more than once gotten drunk and drunk-written drunk Bucky then gone to clean it up later, as drunk writing can generate some great content I never would have been able to come up with sober, but the form, grammar, spelling, etc. is often rubbish. I also talk a LOT to my beta about all of this stuff, and I have certain friends and acquaintances in the fandom who are my consultants for various things.

So, I’m somewhat method I guess?? Is that a thing?? I dunno. It’s not hard to do when you live and breathe a story. It’s required a deep level of interest in - quite possibly an obsession with - the characters and their lives. I adore my characters, not in a self-congratulatory way, but because they feel so real to me. So it’s a joy to plan and write -- though I do hate first drafts with a passion.

OH - I also sometimes fast-draft chapters, which I did for 39. That is, write as FAST AS YOU CAN with no regard for how shitty the writing is. I wrote 10k words in a week, which was a finished fast-draft for me, and thus I had a very good felt sense of what was going to happen in the chapter, which felt amazing. It requires intensive outlining before, and nearly every word had to be rewritten, but one of the greatest frustrations of a story for me is having blank space ahead. Re-writing is way more fun than first draft writing. I have fluffed it up twofold with higher quality content, which I did all in less than two months…!! 

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Well, this is surely my most unnecessarily yammering YAIT in history. But I hope it at least conveys my enthusiasm for these wonderful asks! It’s so lovely to hear from all of you, even if I take an eon to get back to you. Hang in there, everyone!

@grimshady @hutchhitched​ @b0n3l3ssm1lk​ 

(And thank you to @bae-buckyaboveeverything​ for the shout out. You made my day<3)

[gemstoneslesbian]

Fanfic Writer Game

Tagged by @sixtyfourk (thank you for thinking of me!! :D <3 that means a lot)

How would you describe your fanfic style?

Character-driven, with a focus on fleshing out characterizations, relationships, and character/relationship arcs. I really love using canon material and then examining the reasons for everything that happened in canon, and also fleshing out the character’s internal life, their life before what’s shown in the game, and their life after what’s shown in the game. And, of course, I tend to focus on the villains the most (with a few exceptions).

I also REALLY REALLY love focusing on character groups. That’s like, the biggest fuel behind my writing. Thinking about how all the prisoners would interact and what prison life would be like? Hell yeah. The prosecutors? The detectives? The defense attorneys? Global Studios? Characters who may have gone to college together? Hell yeah.

What tropes would you never use?

Hmm. The hanahaki disease has a cool aesthetic, but I definitely don’t think it’s something I’d want to write, because of the idea that unrequited love can kill someone, or the feeling of guilt or coercion that would be pushed onto the person they have feelings for.

And significant age gaps are a big no for me.

What tropes do you ALWAYS use?

Found family and hurt/comfort are my top two faves!! Though come to think of it, as of now I haven’t actually done a lot of that in my fics that I’ve posted so far.

But while I’m on the subject of listing overall faves-- character analysis of villains, angery villains who are extremely self-defensive and probably traumatized, redemption arcs, angst, dramatic conflict, and getting revenge on / killing abusers are 💯 💯 💯 

OH and--I think the term is “bottle episode”? Like for example when a bunch of characters are trapped together somewhere due to a snowstorm or bad weather or something, and heavy characterization / relationship development ensues [gestures at my entire prison series]

Where do you write?

Usually on the floor in my room or my hallway! Since those are the spaces I usually sit while I’m at my computer (unless I’m drawing, in which case I sit at a tray table in another room)

How many names do you write under? Why?

I pretty much just write under “nebuloushadow” on ao3, though I have a headcanon blog here at ace-attorney-prison, and an incorrect quotes blog at incorrectaaprison. And like, I’ll sometimes post headcanons and stuff on this blog too!

What’s your usual rating level?

I think my usual rating level would be either G or T, though I rarely bother with ratings because it makes me anxious trying to figure out how to properly rate it 😅

I think I’d feel uncomfortable publicly writing anything beyond that.

Hard topics and adult topics do exist in my works, but so far they’re things I’ve only touched on, and I doubt I’d feel comfortable publicly getting too in depth / graphic with them.

First fandom you wrote for?

Ace Attorney!!

I mean, as a kid I wrote some stuff about TMNT for myself long before even using the internet, but I wouldn’t really call that fanfiction because it more had to do with playing pretend.

Ever since 5th grade, I’ve been suuuper focused on OCs (both mine and my friends’) and original worlds and role-play in fan worlds, and had a difficult time relating to people who could feel the same passion and drive to create content for canon characters.

When I started playing ace attorney in 10th grade, I don’t know why but it somehow felt like I could focus on these characters at nearly the same level as I could with my OCs. It didn’t usually reach quite that point at the time, but flash forward several years later and here I am, writing fanfic and drawing fanart and making playlists and focusing on canon characters to the same level (or even at a higher level) than I have with my OCs.

It’s honestly super rewarding, and it makes me lowkey emotional (in a good way) that there are actually other people who are super interested in my special interest as well.

And fun fact, the thing that sparked my drive to start creating fan content for this fandom has to do with OCs / role-play that were related to / based on Ace Attorney characters.

How long did you read fics before you started writing them?

I wasn’t really an avid reader of fics, but my friend who got me into Ace Attorney showed me a couple back in 10th grade which I got hella emotional over.

Do you usually write chapter fics or one shots?

One shots! If I write chapter fics / an updating fic, then I’ve kept it pretty short. It’s really difficult for me to stick to long term projects, unless I’m doing one shots within a specific project / theme (thank you ao3 series option!!)

Your fandoms:

I only write for Ace Attorney, and that’s definitely my main one!

I have a place in my heart for Warrior Cats, though--I started reading that series in 3rd grade and it become immeasurably important to me, and that’s the world I started doing Official Role-Play in. I don’t write for the canon characters, although I do have an AU that has Ace Attorney characters in the Warrior Cats world.

I enjoy She-Ra, Steven Universe, and some other things here and there, but AA is the only one I make content for. (It’s possible I’ll write about She-Ra some day though, considering I had a similar reaction / feeling about the characters that I initially had with AA)

And I mean, I’m definitely a fan of my friends’ characters / stories. Especially a few by my current rp partner whom I’ve been role-playing the AA prison with.

Tagging @greentrickster @famousinthatanonymousway @bardic-feline if any of you want to do it! ^^

[mxrsmordre]

Dirk Cresswell

hey isn’t that Dirk Cresswell? I’ve heard that the 23 year old wizard can be be kind of closed off and quiet…. but that might not be true because I also heard the Halfblood can be quite kind and open minded. One of my muggleborn friends thought they were Grant Gustin, but I have no idea who that is.

Ex Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw Loyalty: Order of the Phoenix Gender Identity and Pronouns: Cismale, he/him Sexuality: Heterosexual Changes to Canon: N/A What four songs would be a must in your characters playlist?

Dance, Dance by Fall out Boy

Don’t by Ed Sheeran

Dream on by Aerosmith

Hello I love you by The Doors   

Biography Dirk was raised knowing that both worlds existed, his parents wanted him to build connections in the wizarding world and the muggle world. He was brought up to know that they were equal and one was not better than the other, just did things differently.  He went to a muggle primary school until he was nine, he had to be home schooled between then and starting Hogwarts because he kept inadvertently making things happen, that his parents were struggling to explain away.  The last straw was when during read through of a book, Dirk got so stressed out about speaking publicly that he turned his teachers hair pink from staring at her with angst.  Of course, they didn’t know it was him… but his parents thought it best to take him away before anything else happened. 

He had what you might call, a sheltered childhood. His father worked as a lawyer in Glasgow, and his mother earned money monthly for her various published works in the wizarding world.. They weren’t vastly wealthy, but they were comfortable. The house he grew up in, the house his father still resides in, is a semi detached bungalow in a sleepy little street.  With ivy crawling up the side of it, and a long footpath to the main road, Dirk’s family life was moderately peaceful. His parents only had eyes for eachother, and this is very much where he got his view of love from, he was born into a family that simply adored eachother, despite the differences between them.  

Dirk was so excited to start Hogwarts, however, he genuinely had no idea and no real favourite house that he really wanted to join, he would have been happy with any, except perhaps Slytherin.  As his father is a muggle, he only had his mother to go off, she had been a Ravenclaw, and though she didnt talk about her family much, she mentioned that most of her family had been a mixture of Slytherin and Ravenclaw, but she was sure that her son was no Slytherin.  This had eased Dirk slightly, because from what he knew about the Green house he wouldn’t have fitted in there.  In the end, the sorting hat stalled when it sat upon his head, it couldn’t choose between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor… in the end it went with the Eagle crest house.  

Dirk really excelled whilst at Hogwarts and he made some real friends in his house. There were however, some Ravens that were best left alone.   It was during his time at Hogwarts that he discovered several things about himself that he never would have known otherwise for one, he was a talented chaser and played for his house from his third year until leaving Hogwarts, for another, he only enjoyed charms but excelled at that and the same with Defensive magic. 

When his mother died, a part of Dirk died too, because he not only lost his mother, he saw in real time his father’s heart break cleanly in two. To a casual onlooker, it may seem like Dirk is fine, but anyone who really knows him would know that he’s quietly struggling.

Headcanons:       (1) Dirk is a half blood and he’s really proud of that, he’s very tech savy and has been helping out in the ministry to try and teach the older Aurors about how quick muggles can let the world know about them. 

(2)  He lives between his dads in scotland and his flat in Diagon, it’s getting harder at the moment to visit his dad, so he hasn’t been home in afew months.

(3) Dirk is really skilled at herbology and charms, so he considered becoming a healer, but was headhunted by the Ministry to work for them because of his knowledge of technology and grades in defensive magic. 

(4) He’s extremely kind and loyal, to a fault.  He was a hat stall between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor. The hat was insistent that he belonged in Gryffindor, but Dirk disagreed, wanting to share a house with his mother and asked the hate to consider Ravenclaw instead. 

(5) Ted is his best friend, they share everything and know each other very well, they are able to understand each other in a way some of their other peers don’t.