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jklinges2003 · 1 year ago

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Just a Ghost of a Girl You Once Knew and Loved

A/N: Hey guys I decided to make my first short fanfiction on here. Even though I’ve made a lot of fanfics on Quotev, this is my first time writing one on tumblr, so if I mess up, don’t judge lol! Anyway, I started watching “The Summer I Turned Pretty” with my mom, including watching season 2 this summer and I swear it just leaves me intrigued, makes me laugh, makes feel like I’m actually in it and I wish I really was. And I am so team Jeremiah all the way! So, after I watched 2x06 and 2x07, in episode 6, Jeremiah and Belly almost kiss while at the end of episode 7, they finally kiss, but I can’t find the GIF from episode 6 from when they almost kiss cuz that’s what I want this short fanfic to be about and take place in. And I also might switch POVs.

codes: Y/N = Your name

Y/EC = Your eye color

SUMMARY: So, I imagined what would happen if a girl in the show (Y/N) was best friends with Belly for a long time and had a huge crush on Jeremiah at first, and even Y/N hooked up with Jeremiah in the first season but after him and Conrad’s mom Susannah died and after Y/N has been seeing signs of Jeremiah having feelings for Belly, they broke up before the events of season 2, but Y/N’s feelings for Jeremiah have never faded and as the group reunited in season 2, Y/N has been holding onto hope that something could happen with her and Jeremiah because she’s missed him so much. And even Jeremiah feels the same, but he just wouldn’t admit to her or even to himself since a part of him still has feelings for Belly. And throughout season 2, Y/N has been trying some casual attempts to get Jeremiah’s attention but failed every time. So, one night as the gang throws a party at the beach house to honor Susannah, and while Y/N was hanging out with a couple of friends, she witnesses something that just pushes her to her breaking point, increases her insecurities and her anger/jealousy towards Belly while she’s been trying to keep her friendship with her intact, and Y/N’s heartbroken behavior strikes a chord in Jeremiah and hits him with guilt.

SONG: “Part of Your World (Reprise II)” by Halle Bailey from Disney’s live-action Little Mermaid. I feel like the song matches Y/N’s situation really well, and I love Disney songs, so I wanted to choose this song.

Y/N’s POV:

The party for Susannah has been going great! It’s fun, loud, and it was a beautiful way to honor Susannah. I hoped I’d get closer with Jeremiah this time because out of all the attempts to try and get his attention while he’s been going all lovey-dovey on Belly even though they’re not even dating, I’ve failed. Jeremiah and I had something special last summer, we bonded really well, he brought out the best in me, and there’s nobody like him. He’s irreplaceable. At first I’ve always been a very shy and self-conscious girl, but after bonding with Jeremiah, his childish personality and his sweetness and fun energy is just so contagious that it just makes you wanna have fun and laugh with him. So, he brought out the fun and confidence that I never knew I had in me. And we even felt a strong connection and spark between us. Being with him always made me feel safe, he’s easy to talk to, he’s relatable, his light blue eyes just take my breath away and you can easily see the emotion in them. But, unfortunately, I regret us breaking up in the first place after Susannah died. And I could see it in his eyes that he does, too. Whenever he and I would talk, I could easily see that he feels lost and confused, like he wants to be with me again as if us breaking up was a mistake for him, too, but also another part of him wants to be with Belly since his feelings for her never faded while my feelings for Jeremiah have never faded. And every time he’d be affectionate and sweet towards Belly, my close best friend and who’s like a sister to me, I can’t help but feel nauseous as if seeing the sight of them together just makes me wanna puke, even though they’re not dating, but I respect their close friendship since they grew up together, and I have been trying to be strong and understanding and nice, but inwardly I just feel sick and it’s suffocating me, like I’m tired of bottling it up. And I have no one to talk to about it since I feel like they wouldn’t understand and that they’d think of me as just a sad pathetic ex-girlfriend who can’t get over her ex-boyfriend.

After watching Taylor and Steven’s talented dance moves for the song “Party In The U.S.A.”, I went back to hang out with Nicole and Dara. We laughed and talked for a bit until one of the girls brought up a relationship she’s in, and that immediately made me think of Jeremiah.

Since Jeremiah has always brought out the confidence in me, I have been thinking about it for a while and I have been waiting all summer to tell him my feelings and that I’ve never stopped loving him even though I was scared to since I didn’t wanna stand in the way between him and Belly. But, I realized I’ve got nothing to lose, and that it’s now or never.

I excused myself from the girls and walked into the crowd to look for Jeremiah. I looked and looked and looked. Until I saw something that just hit me in the heart. I saw Jeremiah and Belly sitting together closely, talking and looking at each other that way. I stood and watched worriedly as I glanced at Jeremiah and then Belly. The way they looked at each other was the same way me and Jeremiah looked at each other last summer when we hooked up and fell in love. I felt like I just wanted to run out of the room and throw up. Then, they stopped talking while still looking at each other with smirks, and then they both slowly leaned in, almost about to kiss until a girl yelling “Fight! Fight!” in another room interrupted them and gathered a crowd. Seeing Jeremiah and Belly almost kiss just hit me in my breaking point. I was about to tell Jeremiah how I felt and that I never stopped loving him, but after seeing what I saw…my chance was ruined. I was too late. The hope I had in me all summer was broken and turned into dust. And I felt ignored after all the tried-and-failed attempts to get Jeremiah’s attention, like as if I were a ghost of a girl he once knew and loved. Like as if what we had before was just nothing.

While the fight between Taylor’s ex-boyfriend Milo and Belly’s brother Steven was occurring in the other room, some other kids didn’t bother to watch the fight and just stayed behind, wanting to stay out of it. And also they were also either drunk or high. I’ve never been one to drink or do drugs or smoke or any of that stuff, I’ve made a vow to myself that I’d live life in a clean state of mind. But after witnessing Jeremiah and Belly together, since it hit my breaking point, I was at that stage where I didn’t wanna feel anything anymore.

I walked over to the group of kids in the kitchen, not wanting to talk to them, and instead just opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of beer. Since my emotions were shut off, I let my impulsiveness get the best of me and I started to open the bottle and chug the alcohol drink. I didn’t care that it tasted bad, I was just tired of feeling this way. After finishing half of the bottle already and walking around the party, trying to avoid Jeremiah, I then saw him and Conrad standing outside with Belly stuck in the middle of them and the two brothers were arguing, and I could easily tell that it was about Belly.

Ever since Belly has been hooking up with Jeremiah at first and then Conrad and then having to choose between them, I felt bad for her but I also got irritated at her because every time they would be loving and sweet to her, instead of listening to her heart about who she truly wants to be with, she just kept letting it happen and kept throwing herself at them, playing both brothers. They both don’t deserve that. Especially Jeremiah since after he and I got together, Belly and Conrad got together temporarily, and then since Jeremiah’s been crushing on Belly while he was really in love with me, and he was angry at Belly for hooking up with Conrad since her and Jeremiah kissed before while he and I were together which also caused our relationship to go downhill. The love triangle between Jeremiah, Belly, and Conrad is just stupid and annoying since Belly won’t make a decision about who she truly wants to be with, and now with me in it, it has turned into a love square. And the last thing I wanted was to be involved in a love triangle, let alone a love square. And now I got dragged into it due to my feelings for Jeremiah never leaving me. Could things get any worse?!

I continued drinking the rest of the bottle of beer, trying to numb everything inside me and to just escape from the pain. I started to get a little tipsy and even though it felt wrong, it also felt good since it helped numb the pain. Then while stumbling around the party and then sitting on the floor in a corner of a room, taking a few more swigs of the beer bottle, I started to lose myself into sorrow and despair.

The bottle of beer was then almost done. I was now really drunk. I kept accidentally bumping into people while stumbling and trying to keep myself standing. But, I started to hear Nicole ask me if I was okay since she saw that I wasn’t myself. My facial expression was blank, my eyes looked like as if something inside them had died, my face was tear-stained which caused a bit of mascara to run down my face, and my hair was a little bit untidy. When she asked if I was okay, my vision was blurry, my hearing was distorted and echoey, and my head was spinning and fuzzy. I didn’t respond to Nicole and instead just accidentally lost my balance near another kid who was carrying a glass of a drink, causing that kid to accidentally drop his glass which broke when it fell. And when I fell, the palm of my hand landed on the broken glass which caused my hand to bleed a little, but I didn’t feel the pain since I was numb and drunk.

A tiny crowd of the people gathered around me and started to look at me in concern, worry, and confusion all at once, and that was the last thing I wanted. I didn’t wanna be viewed as someone who was fragile and vulnerable, even though I knew that it was okay to be vulnerable once in a while since everybody has strengths and weaknesses. But, I just didn’t care anymore.

While there was a few people gathered around me, I kept reassuring them that I was okay, but the one person who I definitely didn’t want to check on me was none other than Jeremiah himself, but he checked on me anyway.

“Y/N? Y/N, are you okay?” Jeremiah asked as he kneeled down beside me to try to help me up, but I kept brushing him off and tried to pretend that I wasn’t hurting, both emotionally and physically. Emotionally from witnessing Jeremiah and Belly almost about to kiss, and physically from losing my balance due to my drunken state and falling to the floor and the palm of my hand landing on broken glass. So I even tried to hide my drunken state from Jeremiah since I didn’t want his pity.

“It’s f-f-fine. I’m…fine, Jer.” I tried to reassure, my voice slurring a bit as I tried to help myself up and stand on my own feet without losing my balance again and without Jeremiah seeing my bleeding hand.

But, he was looking at me that way with concern and worry. I finally managed to stand on my own two feet and then walked away from the crowd, stumbling and limping.

Jeremiah’s POV:

Seeing Y/N like this had me worried. I didn’t know what was going on with her, but she seemed pretty drunk and she looked upset for some reason. She shouldn’t be alone. She could get hurt or end up doing something stupid.

I followed her as she stumbled out of the room, but I lost her in the crowd. I looked around for her until something caught my eye. I saw her outside on the patio, walking away from the beach house and just heading down to the beach, still stumbling and limping.

I walked outside to the patio and follow Y/N down to the beach with the dark night sky in the view. She didn’t look like herself. I was really worried.

“Y/N! Y/N, what are you doing?” I asked her in concern as I caught up with her. Her pupils were dilated, her hair was untidy, she could barely walk, and she even had mascara running down her face so she looked like she had been crying. But why?

“Going to the beach. What do you think I’m doing?” Y/N asked sassily, her voice slurring. She was definitely drunk. I’ve always known her to be a goody-goody girl who would never want to drink, do drugs, or smoke, but she was actually drunk. What changed?

“But, y-you’re drunk. Are you sure you’re okay? And you fell back in there. Are you hurt?” I asked as I stopped her from walking any further towards the water since she’s too intoxicated to go for a swim. When I asked if she was hurt, I looked all over her body for any cuts or bruises or anything, until I spotted her hand bleeding. I took that hand gently and looked at her worriedly. But she immediately yanked her hand away and glared at me for some reason before stumbling to walk further towards the water. I stood in front of her and put my hands on her shoulders, preventing her from doing so.

“Y/N, your hand is bleeding. We need to clean that up and put either some band-aids or gauze on there. Let’s just go back inside, okay?” I said to her calmly, but sternly and worriedly before I put an arm around her shoulders to help her walk back inside the beach house. But she immediately refused and put up a fake smile, and her fake smile looked angry.

“No! No, no, no, no. I’m fine, Jer. You don’t need to help me. Why don’t you go and help Belly instead, hm? I’m sure she’s probably going through a lot after being stuck having to choose between you and your brother. So go ahead, why don’t you go help her and be her shoulder to cry on? I can take care of myself.” Y/N said while slurring before letting out a hiccup at the end of her last sentence. She was being stubborn as hell. And this was also a side of her that I’ve never seen before. Why was she acting this way, especially towards me?

“Y/N, I’m not gonna leave you out here by yourself, especially with your drunken behavior. I’m not gonna let you do something stupid. Like, what were you planning to do out here at the beach? Why were you walking towards the water?” I asked her, trying to be calm and gentle, but I had a bad feeling about Y/N’s intentions that it built worry inside me which caused me to raise my voice a little bit.

“None of your business. What is this, 20 questions or something? Just leave me alone, Jeremiah.” Y/N spat out, still slurring before she walked past me, still stumbling. I watched her about to go into the water, but her legs were shaking as if she could barely stand. I wanted to stop her and go get her, but I wanted to see what she was planning to do first so that I can really know what’s going on. She stopped for a second as the water reached to her knees, then she kept going until it was at her waist and she started to cover her mouth with her hand and then cover her nose with her other hand before she began to dunk her head into the water.

I widened my eyes as it immediately clicked. Y/N was about to kill herself by drowning while drunk! As I finally knew what she was about to do, I immediately took action and rushed into the water, grabbing Y/N by the waist and dragging her out of the water. She started screaming protests at me to let her go, but I couldn’t let her do this. I care about her so much. And…I actually love her, even though a part of me loves Belly. I just don’t know what to do. But after seeing Y/N like this and after us reuniting along with the others, I was actually really glad to see her. She’s a sight for sore eyes. She’s beautiful, she’s kind, caring, warm, honest, sweet, sassy, headstrong, authentic, moral, the voice of reason, and a talented singer with a beautiful voice. She’s even a better singer than I am. I did like her when she was a shy and introverted girl, though, I thought she looked adorable whenever she’d blush. But after we bonded last summer and fell in love, I started to see a more confident and silly side of her and I couldn’t help but love her even more. I miss what Y/N and I had together, even though I love Belly, too, but it’s not really the same with Belly actually. Y/N’s the one I feel something strong and loving for. She’s even tried to be there for me after my mom died, but I was too blind in my own grief and in my own conflicted feelings for Belly to even see it. How could I have been so blind?

Seeing Y/N acting like this was just heartbreaking and shocking to me. I was even more worried about her, especially since she just tried to kill herself by drowning in the ocean while completely drunk.

As I dragged her back to the sand while she was screaming protests at me, I ignored the protests and looked at her in shock, anger, heartbreak, and worry all at once.

“Y/N, what the hell do you think you’re doing? Why are you trying to kill yourself?” I asked her sternly as I held back tears in my eyes since I was trying to be strong for her.

“Why did you just help me?! I told you to go be with Belly!” Y/N snapped while slurring as tears filled her eyes. Why is she bringing up Belly while I’m focusing on Y/N and her safety?

“Y/N, this isn’t about Belly, this is about you. You’re drunk, you look like you’ve been crying, you’re acting like a different person, and you tried to kill yourself! Why are you acting like this, Y/N? Did something happen? Talk to me.” I said to her sternly, but calmly as I tried to keep myself together.

“No, if you wanna go be with Belly, be with her! She’s all yours! I won’t stand in the way! So, just leave me alone!” Y/N snapped as a tear rolls down her cheek, her voice still slurring. Why is she talking about Belly like this? She’s Y/N’s best friend and they’ve always been like sisters. This wasn’t the Y/N I knew and loved.

“Y/N, what are you talking about? What do you mean you won’t stand in the way and that Belly’s all mine? Where’s all this coming from?” I asked her in concern, hoping to get her to talk. But, she immediately exploded the truth about the cause of her problem while slurring.

“I SAW! I saw everything! I saw you and Belly almost kiss back in there before the fight between Milo and Steven broke out!” Y/N shouted through her slurs and through her tears. She even had her eyes either looking down or her eyes closed as if she could barely look at me.

When she admitted that to me, I started to remember when me and Belly talked back in the house during the party, and we talked about the flings I had from last summer and through the whole year after me and Y/N broke up and when Belly got together with Conrad. Then I remembered telling Belly that she’s a better kisser than out of all the girls and guys I’ve kissed, including Y/N. I can’t believe I actually said that because Y/N was a good kisser, too. She really was. And I even remembered during this whole summer when me and her and the rest of the gang were hanging out and Y/N tried some attempts to get my attention since she must’ve had hope for us and I didn’t even realize it. I’ve been ignoring Y/N all summer and I didn’t realize it till now. How could I have been so stupid?!

I felt such a pang of guilt and regret for how I’ve been treating Y/N. I’ve treated her as if she weren’t around and as if she were second and I’ve been putting Belly first. I realized Belly’s not the only one stuck in the middle of a love triangle and between me and my brother, I was even stuck between two girls who matter so much to me. With Belly, it was real and I really loved her, at first it was like a brother and sister relationship, but…ever since I saw her last summer, I was done for. She took my heart with her. But then, at that time, Belly brought Y/N to Cousins for the first time and introduced her as her best friend, and Y/N just took my breath away. I know that I started to feel something for Belly, but when I met Y/N, I knew there was something special about her that was just so magnetic to me. I wanted to know her. And what we had was real and strong, too. And I realized now that it was stronger than what me and Belly had because even if Belly liked me back a bit, it was always gonna be Conrad for her, even if she wouldn’t admit it. It finally hit me.

Y/N’s the one for me.

I looked at her with guilt, regret, and sympathy as I realized what I put her through and what she had to witness tonight. I put a hand on her arm, trying to be as comforting as possible.

“I’m really sorry, Y/N. I-I-I didn’t realize that you…” I was just at a loss for words as I still kept trying to process this.

“That I what?! Huh? That my feelings for you still haven’t faded and that I never stopped loving you?! I’ve tried to get your attention all summer and tried to get you to realize that I’m still here, but you just kept pining for Belly and acting all affectionate to her while you ignored me and acted as if I wasn’t the room, like as if what we had together has been forgotten! And you and her aren’t even dating, yet you act like you are, even though you two are best friends, but why can’t you just admit it to yourself that…that you still love me, too? I’ve seen it in your eyes, they can easily tell what you’re feeling. And when you were around me this summer, I had hope for us! But you just won’t open your eyes and realize what’s right in front of you! I was about to tell you how I felt, and yet I catch you and Belly about to kiss! I just…I just couldn’t bear the sight of that, so I’m actually glad the fight between Milo and Steven broke out and interrupted you and Belly. I know that’s rude to say, but I just can’t pretend that I’m okay anymore! All this time ever since everything that’s happened, I haven’t been okay! And neither have you, and I’ve tried to be there for you and reconnect with you at least, but…you didn’t want anything to do with me and the only person you’d talk to was Belly! I’ve gone through enough hell. And so has Belly, so I’m just gonna go…have a little ‘chat’ with her.” Y/N explained everything to me through her tears and her drunken slurs about the hell she’s been going through ever since me and her broke up and ever since my mom died.

And as she said everything, it was all true and I didn’t even realize it all till now. And what she said struck a chord in me. I’ve been leaving her all alone and I shouldn’t have done that. Well, not anymore. I’m not gonna leave her alone anymore, no matter how much she stubbornly tells me off. I’m gonna make up for my mistakes. Then, as Y/N says the last part, she stumbles as she stands up on her feet, holding her fingers up like quotes. I knew she wasn’t just gonna have chat with Belly, she was gonna confront her. I couldn’t have her do that. Her friendship with Belly has always been so important to her so I couldn’t let her be the one to destroy it by having a confrontation and argument with Belly.

“Y/N, no. Just…Just come back to the house, I’ll let you stay with me, okay?” I offered kindly as I tried to help her and not let her be by herself in her drunken state and in her painful heartbreak.

“No! I don’t need saving, Jer. I’m not some piece of glass who’ll end up breaking. I’m fine. Just let me go.” Y/N protested as she tried to walk away from me and walk back to the house. I wanted to stay with her, but I had to respect her decision if she could handle it. I watched in concern from behind as Y/N kept stumbling up the small wooden board steps that would lead up to the patio of the beach house, her legs started to shake again as if she could barely stand and walk.

She then took another step until she tripped and fell down to her knees, making me immediately rush up to her side and try to help her up and help her walk.

“Y/N, let me help you.” I offered while trying to help her stand, but she pushed me away and kept protesting.

“No! Just leave me alone, Jer! If you don’t walk away right now, I’m gonna have to beat the shit out of you!” Y/N threatened drunkenly while she was holding back tears again and trying to stand up on her own.

“Oh, yeah? Let me see you try. I’m not gonna leave you, no matter how many times you push me away. I’ve pushed you away already, I’m not doing it this time.” I responded with sternness and determination in my voice.

As I challenged her to see her try if she can fight me off and push me away, I knew she didn’t have the guts to do it since I knew she still had love in her heart for me. She sat on her knees while I was kneeling next to her, and she turned around and tried slapping my chest and shoving me away, but her pushes weren’t strong enough. She kept trying and trying through her frustrated grunts as if I were her punching bag, but I didn’t let it affect me. She needed to take it out on anything or anyone. And since she was mad at me, I already took responsibility for how I treated her, so I felt like I deserved to be slapped and pushed since I was actually such an asshole.

Then after a few failed shoves and slight slaps from her, she started to get frustrated and feel defeated since I wasn’t going anywhere. Her shoves and slaps started to weaken and she immediately began to finally let out her tears even more. She broke down sobbing as her attempts to push me away and slap me were weakening and slowing down, and she started to lean her head and body against me while sobbing in defeat, frustration, and heartbreak. I wrapped my arms around her securely and protectively, holding her close to me and never wanting to let go of her.

“Shhh…it’s okay, it’s okay, Y/N. You’re okay, you’re okay, I’m here. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere, okay? Shh…” I whispered softly while holding her tightly but gently, trying to comfort her. She still kept crying in my arms, one of my hands rubbing her back and my other hand caressing the back of her head and her hair. I held back tears as the sound of her cries just broke my heart.

“Y-You left me, Jer…! Why are you still here? Why aren’t you leaving me now? You…You love Belly…!” Y/N said through her drunken sobs as if she was expecting me to just walk away from her after I’ve been ignoring her all summer that she was used to being walked away and abandoned. My heart was just absolutely breaking for her even more. She didn’t deserve this at all. How could I do this to her?

“Because…Because I…I-I-I still—” I was about to respond to her that it was because I still loved her, but before I could finish, I felt her body go limp and she was breathing normally and peacefully, her eyes were closed while her face was tear-stained, and she still had mascara running down her face. She was passed out drunk in my arms.

I sighed guiltily and shamefully, and yet in relief that she was finally out cold so that she wouldn’t do anything stupid while drunk. Then, I put a hand under her legs while I put another hand under her back, lifting her up and carrying her bridal style.

I walked back in the beach house while carrying a passed out asleep Y/N through the party in the house, hoping everyone wouldn’t gossip or be concerned about it since I was already taking care of it. And also some of the kids were drunk anyway, so I’m sure some of the other kids didn’t care.

Then, I carried Y/N to my empty bedroom which only had my sleeping bag since me and Conrad’s bitchy aunt Julia removed everything from the house since she was selling it. And I hated that the beach house was being sold. It held too much memories of me and Conrad’s mom. But now that all the furniture is gone, it’s like memories of our mom are gone, too.

I gently laid Y/N on another sleeping bag that I had laying next to mine and I tucked her in, making sure she was comfortable. Then, I stood up and looked at her sleeping figure. She looked so peaceful and beautiful, despite that she was a drunken mess tonight and despite the mascara running down her face, she still looked beautiful to me. Then, I started to hear a girl crying coming from the bedroom next to mine. I leaned against the wall and heard Belly drunkenly crying in her bedroom. She was trying to call her mom, Laurel, for help since she had nowhere else to turn to about the situation with her having to choose between me and Conrad which is causing tension between me and my brother and also she told Laurel about trying to get the house back while everything she’s trying to do to help just keeps going wrong and she needed help. Her cries even broke my heart. A part of me wanted to go in there and hold her. I couldn’t bear to have my best friend upset like this. But, after what Y/N has been through not just tonight but throughout the whole year?

I thought about it for a moment again and I looked over at a sleeping Y/N, and I told myself again that I’m never gonna abandon her again. I’ve been focusing on Belly and putting her first all summer that I’ve been ignoring Y/N, so it’s time to make up for my mistakes and put Y/N first this time.

I slowly walked over to her and laid down in my sleeping bag right next to the sleeping bag that Y/N is sleeping in. I stared at her sleeping face again and after what happened tonight, I can’t get it out of my head. I could’ve lost Y/N tonight and it was my fault. As I looked at her with remorse, guilt, care, and sympathy, it felt as if a magnet was pulling me. I sat up and leaned forward and down, planting a gentle loving kiss on Y/N’s cheek before laying back down, getting ready to go to sleep.

Y/N’s POV:

As I was passed out asleep from being drunk tonight, I had no idea where I was at the moment. But, I opened my eyes very slightly in which my vision was very blurry and the room was dark since it was nighttime and my hearing was ringing and echoey as the party was going on downstairs. All I could see was someone’s sleeping face in front of mine, but I couldn’t tell who it was. Instead, my eyes just closed again as my eyelids just felt too heavy to be open and my head was pounding.

The next morning, I started to feel like crap. I opened my eyes slightly as the ringing in my ears started and then finally faded away. My head was pounding, I felt a bit nauseous, makeup was running down my face, and my hair was untidy. I looked around the room and wondered how I got here. I also noticed a gauze wrapped around one of my hands. I couldn’t even remember a thing about what happened last night. I could only remember that I was dancing and hanging out with a couple of girlfriends, and then I was crying for some reason, and that I took a walk on the beach. But the rest was all just a blur.

As I slowly sat up, I immediately heard a familiar voice next to me.

“Morning, Y/N.” Jeremiah said to me sleepily but with a concerned and sympathetic look on his face. I looked over at him and seeing him lay there next to me startled me and left me in surprise. What was he doing here laying next to me while he ignored me all summer? What the hell happened?

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion as my head was still pounding a bit.

“Jeremiah? Wh-What are you doing here? What am I doing in…in your empty bedroom? What happened last night?” I asked nervously and in confusion, my voice slightly slurring since I was hungover, and I needed answers.

“You don’t remember?” Jeremiah asked in concern as he sat up, sitting next to me. I tried to think hard and see if I could remember anything about what happened last night, but I couldn’t remember. I looked over at him and shook my head.

Then, the moment was interrupted when me and Jeremiah heard Belly and her mom Laurel arguing in the room next door, their voices muffled until we heard Belly’s bedroom door open and close. Jeremiah helped me stand up to my feet before we both walked over to the door and opened it, only to see a crying Belly walking past us and past Conrad in the hallway. She looked behind her and glanced at us before continuing to walk away and walk downstairs. I wondered why she was upset. But whatever it was, I was concerned and felt bad for her.

Then Conrad looked over at us and glanced at me before looking at his brother as if he were encouraging him or something. Jeremiah nodded softly at him before taking my hand, closing the door behind us as we’re still in his empty bedroom. He sat us on the sleeping bags as I looked at him in confusion and in concern. He looked like he wanted to tell me something.

“Y/N…are you sure you don’t remember anything about last night?” Jeremiah asked me in concern in which I shook my head slightly before responding.

“All I remember is dancing and laughing while hanging out with a couple of girlfriends and then…I was crying for some reason, and then I took a walk on the beach. And the rest is all just a blur. And now for some reason I ended up here. What happened, Jer?” I explained all I could remember before asking him in concern about what else happened last night.

He took a deep breath while trying to find the right words to explain to me about what else happened last night. He looked as if he didn’t wanna bring up what happened last night since it would bring back the pain and heartbreak.

“Well, um…you, uh…you were pretty drunk. And…you were at the beach to go in the water to…to commit suicide, but I stopped you and asked you what was wrong, and you…admitted that you, um…saw me and Belly…almost kiss. And…you also explained to me the hell you’ve been going through ever since our breakup a few months ago and ever since my mom’s death. And…also that I’ve been ignoring you all the summer since I’ve been focusing a lot on Belly and I was too blind to see that…that you were still in my life and…” Jeremiah explained everything to me before he trailed off and paused as he could barely finish the sentence. His eyes were tearing up as he felt huge remorse and guilt for what he put me through and he wasn’t sure if he could ever forgive himself.

“God, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I’m so, so, very sorry about how I’ve treated you like as if you weren’t in the room. I’m so sorry I ignored you and didn’t put you first and didn’t realize what you were going through. That’s a mistake I won’t make again. I feel like I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but…I realized that…that I also never stopped loving you.” Jeremiah apologized sincerely as a tear rolled down his cheek. As he explained everything, I started to remember a little bit even though it was still a blur. I felt embarrassed that I vented to him about how I’ve been feeling the night before and I didn’t wanna drag him into my problems. But when he said that he also never stopped loving me, I widened my eyes and looked at him in surprise.

“I…Oh my God, I feel so embarrassed for my behavior. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I dragged you into my problems. But…But what about Belly? You love her, don’t you?” I asked, unsure if he was just playing me if a part of him is gonna feel something for Belly and I didn’t want him to choose between me and her. But I was unaware that he already made a decision.

“Yeah, about that, I thought I felt something for her since…last summer when I saw her new glow up and when she first brought you to Cousins for the first time…I thought I was done for. Like, I really felt something for her, but…when I met you and bonded with you and also she’s always gonna love Conrad, even if she won’t admit it to herself…I realized I was lying to myself. I thought I liked her, but…Belly’s not like you, Y/N. You’re irreplaceable. And I’m so sorry that I didn’t see that sooner. Ending things between us was a mistake. I miss what you and I had just as much as you do. And…I don’t know if you can ever forgive me, but I—” Jeremiah said honestly to me as he took my hand. But, I was actually proud of him for finally making his decision. And I just hoped that Belly would soon decide who she truly wants, too, and I hoped it would be Conrad she’d choose because they were actually good together, even though they were opposites.

So, as Jeremiah kept talking, I immediately cut off him off by quickly leaning in and kissing him on the lips, taking him by surprise until he kissed me back. Our kiss was passionate, loving, and tender. His lips just felt so soft and smooth and he was a very good kisser. Then, we pulled away as we gazed in each other’s eyes, his bright blue eyes staring into my Y/EC.

“So…does…does that mean you…forgive me?” Jeremiah asked while he was still in shock from me making the first move and kissing him.

“Of course I forgive you, you lovable doofus.” I responded while smirking and tousling Jeremiah’s golden curls, messing his hair up and making him laugh.

“Hey!” Jeremiah whined playfully through his laughter before flipping his short golden curly hair, making it still look the same as it did before. I giggled before he smirked and tickled me on my waist as revenge from when I untidied his hair.

I squealed and laughed and squirmed around as he tickled me. Then I waved my hands up in surrender.

“Okay, okay! I give! I surrender!” I protested through my laughter before Jeremiah stopped tickling me and smirked. Then he leaned down as I was laying down on my back on the sleeping bag and we giggled again before we shared another tender, loving kiss.

I felt my heart beating out of my chest. I was so ecstatic and relieved that I was actually back together with Jeremiah! I felt as if the darkness inside me has been taken away and then the light has risen inside me again.

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emeraldbabygirl · 7 months ago

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Hi :) it’s been awhile since I’ve actually had conversations with my mutuals here and I feel bad about it as always but I just wanted to post and say hi and that I think about my oldest mutuals often and hope y’all are still alive and well no matter where you are on your life journey. I know well all busy with jobs and finding what we want to do in life and that’s okay but I just wanted to say that I miss you all and miss all our cute talks and I appreciate you guys coming into my life when you did and meeting you all and sometimes I see you liked a post and I see your username in my notifications and it makes me smile. I miss you guys and I’m sorry I never reached out :( I’ve become bad at keeping connected to people but I want you all to know that I appreciate you all being in my life and I hope sometime we can have our fun conversations again. I hope what I said makes sense, it always sounds better in my head. I just hope y’all are well and if you ever come back to tumblr sometime you can say hi or leave a message even if it’s small, I enjoy the surprises and idk hi :) I miss my mutuals you guys were my first friends when I started building my blog up and I just really appreciate all the kind words and everything you’ve done for me and I wanted to say something even if I couldn’t message you individually. Sometimes it’s easier for me to make a post like this. I still think about you all and wonder how things are and I remember your usernames and pfps and it brings back memories, even if we didn’t talk a lot, maybe I mentioned you in some tag games or I popped in to say hi.

I wanna make something for you all as a thank you for just being a part of my experience here on tumblr even if we don’t talk anymore I want to do something to show my appreciation so I recently fiddled around and made some lil collage/edits and I want to make some for you guys if you’ll let me. Just tell me some things you like, like an actor or singer or animal and some colors and anything and I wanna put something together as a thank you for talking to me when I was still a young blog? Does that make sense? Cause I didn’t have a lot of followers just a couple mutuals and some of you became really close friends and I appreciate you for that.

Of course now I wanna make something for everyone but I’ll just tags the people I’ve known on here the longest and if you want me to make you something please let me know or you don’t have to. I like making things for people and stuff. Ok tagging @excindrela @yovibeispretty @seoulmates98 @ithinkilikeit-reactions @yuta-the-mountain-man @cherryeoo @uwunnie @thirdxporsche @dmbjwhxre ..I think I’ll just tag everyone that I’ve felt something special with, people that I’ve had come into my blog and played games with and stuff like that cause I really think about all of you and wish you all the best :) @wh0sthe5pecial0ne @wheezing-pterodactyl @bandluvr97 @chrismequick @despairvb @impeachybabie @atinystaypixie @princessjazzyjazz @juicylivy @boxyg28 @lowavocado4701 @witchy-weve-monbebe @ateezaligned @henlex @rai-scutum @khathastrophe @kidinthemoonlight @pleasemeosaur @moonlight--cafe @the-moon-baby @axelwolf8109 @dreamlesswonder86 @axishonor @7zenisss @straysugzhpe @halalhyungwon @elenilote @ninamarie1994 @gungumeloh @jaejoongs-nipple-piercing @dungbeatposse @hyugaruma @awritersstuff @star2fishmeg @starstruckforyou @belphies--pillow @sleepystrawberrybunny @khami-143 @simpforchuchu @thistaleisabloodyone

Even if we don’t talk a lot or anymore I see some of your posts on my dash and I’m like ‘I rember you omg’ and I get a little happy. Ok enough yapping I just wanted to say some stuff and I hope all of you are doing well and if not I’m sorry :( I hope things get better for you! Have a good day or night or evening wherever you are <3

#mutuals #it’s been a long time #some of my fav mutuals disappeared and it makes me sad #cause I worry and wonder what happened to them #even some that we don’t speak anymore I still think about them and wonder #anywee :)

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imnotasuperhero · 2 years ago

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Look into my eyes (search your soul)

Wanda Maximoff x Reader

Summary: Your love for Wanda could make you go the distance and more, just to see her happy.

A/N: A day late, but in my defence I had a packed friday, lol. I woke up after a night out with the need to finish this part and post it, so here it is! BEware of any mistake since.. hehe.. I partied all night. Also, blame tumblr for any weird design on the post.

A/N 2: For now, this is planned to be four parts with the chance to growing. So it’s on you, guys. Hope you enjoy this and gets you wanting more (:

If not tomorrow, next weekend part 3 will be out.

Part I, Part II, Part III, Part IV, Part V, Part VI, Part VII, Part VIII, Part IX

Wanda stirred, waking up to an empty bed, before looking over at the sleeping babies beside her.

Her heart couldn't grow bigger at the sight in front of her. Those two little humans were finally in this crazy world, and the fears she could feel start growing at the back of her mind were doing little to help her breathe. She just wanted for you to hurry, to be by her side like you always were.

But all hopes of you being away in search of coffee dissipated when she saw her husband sleeping on the chair at the far end of the room.

'He finally dared to show up,' she sighed to herself.

What would she give for Vision to be more like you. To be present when she needed him, to show how much he cared for her.

A few months till now, she started noticing how Vision would go on longer trips, almost as if escaping their life together. And she would be lying if it didn't hurt her. Part of her still loved him. But a bigger part told her she just missed what they were.

She could only hope he would be present in their children's lives, at least.

The tone of her phone going off signaled her of a new message and her heart jumped at the thought of you.

Seeing your name on the screen, Wanda smiled brightly as she hurried to open it.

'Good morning, Witchy. How are the twins treating you? Hopefully, they're not too much. How are you?'

'Good morning. They surely love to sleep.. still waiting for them to wake up so I can feed them. I am alright. How are you?'

After a few seconds of her message being unread, she just lowered her phone, basking in the warm feeling burning up inside her. The way you made her feel was something that -secretly- she enjoyed deeply.

Just as her phone went off again, the twins started to cry, demanding her attention. It was at that moment that Wanda made her peace with knowing her kids became before you.

Sitting up in her bed, she tried to wake up Vision. But decided she was better without his help for it was in vain.

Slowly stepping up, she maneuvered both babies in her arms as a grunt escaped her, her whole body begging her not to move. Sitting in bed, she shifted and shifted until she found a comfortable position.

Once she was settled, she placed each boy on each one of her breasts, hissing at the pain that sprouted from the latching.

Holding back her tears, she remembered the words you'd said the day before, as the first feeding happened.

“No no, let me,” You demanded as you quickly stood up from the chair, almost running the short distance to the crying twins’ crib.

Picking Billy up, you carefully placed him in Wanda’s arms. “Here you go, baby,” you spoke softly before you picked Tommy up, cooing at him as you patiently waited for Wanda to find a comfortable position.

“I know, sunshine.” You calmly spoke against the baby’s head as you rocked him softly. “Mommy needs a little more time for two beautiful babies like you need only the best. And you know the good things need time,” you smiled as you checked Wanda, busying herself with his brother before you lowered your voice to a whisper, “But don’t worry, you can always count on me to feed you the goodies.”

“I’ve heard that,”

Looking up from the fussing baby in your arms, you found Wanda’s eyes staring warmly at you as she tried her best to stay put, waiting for her son with open arms.

Giggling at her words, you kissed Tommy’s head before placing him against his mother’s chest. “I stand by my words,” you whispered before kissing his forehead.

The pain that ran through Wanda’s chest got her in tears. Closing her eyes, she breathed deeply as she bit her lips, trying to stay still.

Looking up at the weight by her side, she couldn’t help the sob that escaped her at seeing you wrapping your arm around her shoulders.

“I know, Wands.” You kissed her head and she just let your body be the one who held her in place. “But this is part of the process, and you have to endure it for your babies,” you coed as you caressed Billy’s head.

“It’s for my babies,” she whispered, gathering the patience it took.

But said patience was running thick as the twins started crying at the lack of breast milk, and Wanda just felt defeated. She wanted her old life back.

Trying in vain to hold her cries, Wanda settled both babies’ heads on her shoulders, rocking them the best she could to try and calm them.

“Ugh. They’re too loud.” Vision grunted as he stood up, walking towards the door leaving Wanda with rage building inside of her.

A few minutes passed by when Vision walked back in with a nurse hot on his heels.

“Good morning, Hon,” the nurse walked to the redhead with a soft smile on her lips. “What’s the problem?” She asked as she quickly checked the charts at the feet of Wanda’s bed.

"I don’t know," Wanda spoke on the verge of more tears running down. "I tried to feed them but they started crying." She looked up at the nurse with hopes she could help her calm her kids.

"I see," The nurse paused as she checked the bag connected to Wanda's hand. "Did it happen yesterday?"

"No." Wanda sighed.

"There's an easy solution for that," the nurse smiled brightly, caressing Wanda's head, and she would lie if she didn't think about her mom at that moment. She should be here with her, guiding her.

"Let me go get some formula, yes? You're not producing much to feed both of them," she explained calmly, making sure Wanda calmed down before she walked away.

She laughed sardonically when Vision started gathering his things. “Are you really leaving now?” The redhead spits out venomously as she tried to calm her crying boys.

“Work is calling, baby. I need to make money to provide for you.” Vision nodded as he picked up the call, walking away for God knows how long, this time. And that action alone was enough to make her cry alongside her babies. The excruciating pain in her chest making it harder and harder to breathe. This was just too much.

But the nurse didn’t take much and as soon as she entered the room, she hurriedly took one of the babies from Wanda and gave her one of the bottles in her hands, calmingly feeding the twin in her arms.

“Where’s the dad?” She asked confused.

Wanda didn’t dare to look up. “He had work to do,” she whispered. Her eyes never leaving Tommy, as he happily sucked from his bottle.

“Is there someone I can call? Doc will be here soon and you might be able to go home today,” the nurse smiled as she rocked softly.

“I-” Wanda paused, thinking of you. Quickly picking up her phone, she paused before dialing your number. “Could you… Could you talk to her?”

And Wanda’s secret prayers were answered when the nurse nodded softly, locking the bottle under her chin so Billy could keep feeding and hurriedly grabbed Wanda’s phone, bringing it to her ear.

“Hi, I’m Wanda’s nurse. N- no, everything is alright,” the nurse giggled something warm. “It’s just her husband had to go away and she might be able to- Oh, okay. Be safe, though.”

“She’s on her way,” the nurse smiled as she left Wanda’s phone on the table beside her bed.

Truth to your words, you walked through the door in less than 10 minutes.

“Sorry I’m late,” you placed the small gift in your hand on the table beside Wanda’s phone before you quickly kissed her forehead.

“I’ve got him,” you smiled to the nurse as she placed Billy in your arms. “Hi, baby,” you coed as you automatically started to rock him, continuing the nurse’s ministrations on his back.

“Hi,” Wanda spoke softly and frowned when she saw you freeze at her words for a second too long.

“You’re not the only baby, from now on,” you joked.

“You are the only asshole in this room, though.” Wanda couldn’t help the smile at your giggles.

“Touché.”

“Are they strictly to bottles, now?” The worriness in your voice had Wanda concentrating really hard on making Tommy burp, avoiding looking in your way.

“No need to worry, sweety,” the nurse jotted some things down into her notepad before giving you her whole attention. “Wanda just can’t produce enough milk for both of them, so she can either complement her breastfeeding with it or just go for the formula.”

“Ohh, I see.”

Wanda could feel your eyes on her and her whole body burned with shame.

“The doc will be here in a few, though. He’ll talk you guys through it,” the nurse smiled before walking out of the room.

Once you both were alone, Wanda felt the side of the bed shift and the releaving sigh that escaped her when she felt your body against hers had her cheeks heating up.

“How are you holding up?” You asked as you caressed Tommy’s head.

“Not gonna lie. This is a rollercoaster full of downs,” Wanda allowed her body to rest against yours, seeking the comfort she needed.

“Is there anything I can-”

“Way to go, dude.” You interrupted your previous thought as you faked disgust at the warm feeling on your shoulder. “It’s only right that you love me, but you don’t need to be so explicit about it.” You shifted the baby from one arm to the other as you took your jacket off.

Wanda couldn’t help but laugh at your words. “I told you karma was coming back,”

“Karma is a smelly bitch,” you scrunched your nose as you walked to the baby’s bag, taking some wet wipes to clean your jacket.

Seeing you so harmonically moving with her son in your arms had her heart warming up. And she made sure to thank the Universe or whichever God out there for having a friend like you in her life.

As always, likes, comments and reblogs are highly appreaciated :)

Taglist: @summergeezburr @wandabear @red1culous @inluvwithfictionalwomen @aliherreraaa @kiancorpse @whitewidowsbite @xxxtwilightaxelxxx (If you wanna be added, just let me know!)

#Wanda maximoff x reader #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #limesys #my writing #wanda maximoff imagine #wanda maximoff fanfiction #wanda maximoff x you #wanda x you #wanda maximoff x y/n #wanda x y/n

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atlabeth · 8 months ago

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now that the dust has cleared from the chaos for me irl, i want to officially thank you all for 3000 followers!! because wow. where do i even start?

this isn't a milestone i thought i would ever reach. i made this blog during my junior year of high school when i was bored as hell in online school, not knowing what would come of it, and honestly not expecting anyone to read anything i’ve written. i exclusively wrote avatar fics (kind of embarrassing that a series i started at the beginning of my blog still isnt finished huh?) because it was what i had been watching most recently. i started to gain some recognition, made some friends, and slowly but surely i carved out my little corner of the internet. and now, 3 years, 3000 followers, and almost 500,000 words later, i’m going into my junior year of college with some of the best online friends a girl could ask for (shoutout to my day 1 @simplysolo for still being around and still being the best ever, and shoutout to all my other tumblr friends that have deactivated over the years</3 i miss you guys) a whole array of fandoms that i’ve dabbled in, and a newly discovered thing for middle aged men. cool

i truly cannot thank you all enough. i’ve always been a writer, but this blog has given me a sorely needed creative outlet and made me more confident in my writing skills than ever. at the end of the day i’m just writing silly little x reader fics, but i’ve truly had so much fun doing it! every single fictional man im in love with is also in love with me isn’t that crazy!!!

a special, extended shoutout to the loveliest mutuals i’ve picked up over the years. i wouldn’t be half the writer i am and i wouldn’t have half as much fun on here without you all. @simplysolo for being around since the beginning and truly being the greatest person on this app, i love you intensely, @sokkadora for being another one of my ogs (we dont talk anymore but i see you every so often on my dash and you’re doing great!!) @mcallmestiles for being one of the first avatar fics i ever read, traitor encouraged me to be a better writer and i hope you’re doing well with your medical career!! @tangledinlove for being my most famous mutual, the kindest person in the world, and being brought together through the power of lockwood, @giyuji and @milkiane who are both inactive but who i have to tag because i love them and i hope they’re doing well; naomi you got me into the grishaverse and liane we were in the trenches of the stranger things revival together, @boneblushed for dealing with so much but still being phenomenal and lovely in every way, @tommymcartney for being so sweet all the time, my biggest cheerleader and encouraging my insanity in every fandom ive been a part of, @nghtwngs for being the only person who loses it over nikolai lantsov as much as i do, to all my new/more recent mutuals @hotchfiles @ma1dita @moowithmidnight @emiliehornby @supercutszns i can't wait to get to know or keep getting to know you!!! you're all so lovely!!! and all the mutuals i don’t talk to as much as i should, i love you all and cherish you in my heart regardless of if we talk every day or have never said a single word to each other!! i don’t want to tag you all because i don’t want to bother you, but if you’re looking at this and thinking am i talking about you, i am. i love you. it takes a village and im so lucky to have you all as mine

i can’t believe it’s been 3 years, i can’t believe i’m halfway done with college, and i can’t believe we hit 3,000. truly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for reading my fics and letting me be some small part of your lives. i can’t wait to write more for you all. keep a lookout for my 3k celebration post!

#truly cannot thank you all enough <3 #i love my lil corner of the internet #sadie's 3k celebration

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saiyanprincessswanie · 2 years ago

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I Promise

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Female Reader

Summary: You fought by Steve’s side until the Accords made everyone choose different sides. You wanted to run with Steve and he thought going alone was better. Do you take him back when he finds you? Can you trust him when he makes promises to you?

Word Count: 686

Warnings: Light Angst, Happy Ending

A/N: This is for Annie's Writing Challenge @nekoannie-chan with the prompt of "In case you didn’t get the memo, I’m not one of the good guys anymore." I hope you like this bestie!

A/N 2: Beta read by @ifnr-blog-blog-blog & @nekoannie-chan Moodboard by Me. Please be kind as this is the first thing I have written in months.

Reblogs & Comments on Tumblr are welcomed and encouraged. Even if you leave an emoji you will make my day. 😊💜

I do NOT give my consent to have my work translated or reposted on any social media platform, apps, or third-party sites. If you see my work anywhere besides my personal Tumblr & AO3 accounts, it has been stolen. I will NEVER give written or verbal permission to repost or translate any of my fanfics as they’re MY intellectual property. 🚫🚫

You were once an Avenger fighting alongside your friends and the love of your life Steve Rogers. With the chaos of the Accords, everyone took a side, your side was on the run from the law with Steve. That was until he decided he needed to run on his own. It was supposed to be temporary but you should have known better. Steve saw this as protecting you while you felt this was going to be permanent.

So you lived on your own in a little town in New Hampshire where your home sat in a wooded area. You would grab supplies once a month in town so you wouldn’t be recognized. Hauling everything home you put everything up and grabbed wood as it was supposed to snow for two days.

You went about your day organizing everything, starting a fire, and eating your favorite soup. The sun slowly was covered by the storm clouds that were rolling in and sure enough within the hour it started to snow. After you cleaned up you went to your room and grabbed a hoodie to put on. It was once Steve’s and it was big on you.

Walking out to the living room you grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and covered yourself. Picking up a book you started to read. The fire in the background cracked and snapped in the background. Before you knew it the fire gently lured you to sleep.

A loud knock on your door startled you awake. It was past nine o’clock and there were no neighbors nearby. You set the book down and grabbed a gun from the side table drawer and walked cautiously to the door.

“Who is it?” You yelled through the door. Your gun trained on the door.

“Doll it’s me, open up.”

You recognized his voice immediately and put the gun down as you flung open the door. Steve was bundled up on your front steps. He had snow caught in his hair and beard. He was exactly how you remembered him.

“Please come in and get warm by the fire.” You closed the door behind him watching as he took his boots and coat off. He then joined you on the couch. “So what brings you here? Last you told me you wanted to be on your own.”

“I did it to keep you safe. I didn’t want you to live the life I have been living. Being on the run is stressful at times. You deserve better than that.”

“I deserve better? In case you didn’t get the memo, I’m not one of the good guys anymore, Steve. Why do you think I’m living in the middle of nowhere? I would have rather lived a life with you on the run than live here alone.”

“Why do you think I’m here? I’m here to stay with you if you’ll have me. I’ve missed you so much while I was gone. Say you will have me again. That you can eventually forgive me. If not, I will leave now and never bother you again.”

You had to admit you did miss him a lot. Your heart still belonged to him. Hell, you still have a few shirts in the closet that belong to Steve.

“Promise me you won’t ever leave me again.”

“I promise.” He answered.

“Promise wherever you go I can follow.” You continued.

“I promise.”

You crawled across the couch to hug him but he was already pulling you into a bear hug. You had to admit you missed this.

“I will always love you, sweetheart. I will never leave your side again.” Steve promised before he sealed the promise with a kiss. Thankfully Steve kept his promise and you got to live your lives together in the mountains.

tags:

@americasass81

@b3autyfuldisast3r

@caffiend-queen

@charmed-asylum

@denisemarieangelina

@fictional-affairs

@georgiapeach30513

@get0verit

@hollybee8917

@joannie95

@jobean12-blog

@jvanilly

@labella420

@lfnr-blog-blog-blog

@madscape

@mdemontespan1667

@mrsmischief209

@mycrazyasslikestoread

@nekoannie-chan

@notyourtypicalrose

@patzammit

@princessofdarkwinter

@rayofdawnworld

@reneeenders

@sweater-daddiesdumbdork

@wolfsmom1

@what-is-your-plan-today

@writercole

@missvelvetsstuff

@jtargaryen18

#saiyanprincessswanie #missy writes #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers drabble #i promise #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x female reader #steve rogers x fem!reader #steve rogers x f!reader #steve rogers

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crazylittlejester · 2 months ago

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HIIII YOU!! I hope you're doing sooo well, I just wanna send in an ask because I miss you. dearly. as I always do. I'm so sappy and I just feel so hurt seeing you hurt because no one should be hurting :((

small itty bitty adventure thing i guess but I went to the hospital yesterday for an appointment, got something in my arm which SURPRISINGLY didn't hurt or pinch this time?? weird????? but I was starving so my mom let me buy a jumbo pretzel and some chocolate so I was happy :3 (I could go on about how tasty pretzels are oh my god AND WITH THE CHEESE AHHHHH)

and then after school I met up with my mom and brother again to get some stuff for my brothers new job he's secured with some of the neighbors, it's so adorable that he's still young yet managing to help out people and earn money..... shedding a tear.... also big mention but places have christmas decorations already and oh my god they are soooooo cute ARGH I love shopping for decorations of any kind it's so fun and so silly to find all sorts of stuff

anyways that was all the interesting stuff that happened yesterday, I'm also going on a trip this saturday so hooray!!!!!! long ass plane ride here i come!!!! /sarc

hopefully this makes you a little more happy, you're always sharing your adventures with me and all the stuff that happens with you so I thought I'd share some of my own stuff with you too!! that is, if anything interesting DOES end up happening lmao

MAKE SURE TO STAY AWESOME AS ALWAYS AND I LOVE YOUU MY FRIEND!! /P

HI HELLO!! i miss you too, im sorry i haven’t sent an ask your way in a while, ive been so drained i haven’t had the energy to do anything. there’s been no adventures, i literally have gone a full month without buying gas because i just Do Not leave my house 😭

i hope ur doing good and that your arm is okay, AND ALSO SLAY DUDE, I LOVE PRETZELS. im devastated because 4 years ago they took the pretzel place out of the mall that was allergy safe for me and nothing on this earth has hit the same since so i’ve determined to try every soft pretzel in my area until i can find the best one aldkdkdk. i LOVE pretzels 🫶 so so much

ISTG THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS WENT UP AT MIDNIGHT NOVEMBER 1ST, how did they put up all the trees that fast 😭 where did the spooky things go they’re all GONE (i still have my spooky things out, i like my skeleton candles :3 )

dawg you travel so much thats so cool, i hope you have fun wherever you’re going!! i have the urge to go on a roadtrip once i have more energy (and gas in my car), adventure calls to me ✨

hearing from you always makes me happy dude, i love to hear you yap :) YOU STAY AWESOME AS WELL, AND TRAVEL SAFE. ILY MWAH /p

BTW I WAS SCROLLING THROUGH BLUESKY LAST NIGHT COS ID JUST MADE MY ACC AND YOU JUST POPPED UP AND I SCREAMED LIKE “OH MY GOD I KNOW THAT GUY?????” AT LIKE 3 IN THE MORNING, BECAUSE I LITERALLY DONT KNOW HOW SOCIAL MEDIA OTHER THAN TUMBLR WORKS (im stupid) AND I WAS JUST SCROLLING AND MESSING AROUND AND THERE YOU WERE AKSMDMDMDM

#jes ask

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hoffstrap-yuri · 6 days ago

Text

A Hedonistic Streak

ao3 // masterlist

Art by @dixxiemaegraphics

*Summary: Hoffman didn't mind shutting his brain off. He felt like it was a treat after a day at work as a detective. Apparently, someone else on the internet didn't seem to mind much either.

*Rating: +18 for mature explicit content.

*Content/Tags: Smut, Shameless Smut, PWP, Modern Era, Feeding Kink, Hand Feeding, Slob, Huc0w elements, Alternate Universe

*Status: Oneshot/Complete

Author's Notes: First of all, thank you to dixxiemaegraphics on tumblr this artwork that I commissioned especially for this fic that I put at the end. They knocked it out of the ball park as always, and I hope you all will enjoy the art as well! Second, Happy HalloChristNew Year! This fic is so long overdue, but I wanted to make sure it was good enough to live up to the title of my 100th fic on AO3 before I uploaded it! In the time it took for me to write this, I managed to finish the newest Dragon Age game, start a new job, celebrate the aforementioned holidays, and get a new laptop. So you can say I was a little bit busy xD. I hope you'll enjoy this pure smut because I certainly enjoyed writing it.

Hoffman glanced down at his watch. He had thirty minutes before he’d be going live and still had so much to set up. He quickly threw his work clothes off to the side out of the camera’s gaze and walked into his kitchen. He pulled a liter of soda he’d been saving for this stream out of his fridge and carried the four pizza boxes up to his room. He threw them down on the makeshift table he had before slipping on a tight fitting t-shirt that just barely covered his stomach but would ride up after maybe two slices of his dinner. He didn’t worry about his lower half nearly as much since the camera wouldn’t pick it up. He adjusted his seat, making sure his face was out of frame, and when he was ready hopped online. He’d barely even let a sigh slip past his lips and his most devoted followers were already there to watch him. He let his lower lip dip into the frame as he couldn’t hold back the smirk at seeing these perverts so willingly wasting their time to watch him eat.

“Hi everyone, did you miss me?” He asked. His voice was smooth and warm like he was in these people’s houses with them. “In case you’re new here… I’m the piggy apprentice and I love to eat. Today, I’m going to be eating pizza…” He opened the first box and showed it off to the camera, careful to make sure the logo on the box wasn’t in plain view since it was from a local place and not a chain. “I’ve got three more of these big guys waiting for me after I finish this one.” Immediately, a message from one of the first people to log in:

“Quit talking, stuff your face.”

“I will, I will.” Mark had to laugh, “Sounds like someone can’t keep it in their pants tonight, huh?” He slowly pulled a slice out from the box, giving that viewer blue balls as he waited for the cheese pull to break off on its own. He shoved the pizza into his mouth quickly, talking between bites. “You know, normally, I’d tell you all what I’m eating… how much I plan on eating on the stream, but today I feel like just getting into it. I’m sure I’ve got at least some approval to just go right ahead and make a mess out of myself.” Another message from the same guy:

“You were barely able to handle two pizzas last time you ate, fat ass. What makes you think you can handle two more?”

“That was a long time ago.” He rounded his lips as he blew the steam off his next piece of pizza, “You must’ve been watching me for a long time if you remember the last time I ate pizza. Honestly, it’s real cute of you to keep sticking around to watch me.” His eyes glazed over with lust as the words spilled out without much thought. This is why he did it, because unlike his normal job, Mark didn’t have to think. He didn’t have to find the right words to say to avoid conflict, didn’t have to make himself smaller to impress other people, he could do what he did best: mindlessly eat and flirt. In a blink of an eye his first pizza was gone, he pouted a little bit as he opened up the next box knowing that this would be his least favorite of the pizzas this evening. “You know… I was trying to be a little bit healthy with this one, getting green peppers on this, but now I wish I had just gotten extra sausage instead.”

“Like eating two pizzas in one night is healthy for anyone?”

Mark looked at the viewer count, it was just him and his devoted follower. He bit the inside of his lip before asking, “Were we being too horny for other people? Or did my attention seemed too focused on you?” His bottom teeth showed up at the edge of the screen as he smiled at the man watching him. “I guess… if you’re the only one here with me, I could get a bit messier than normal. If that’s something you want.”

“Be the disgusting, useless pig you were born to be.”

Mark nodded as he read the message, using his shirt as a napkin to wipe the grease off from his hand then diving in to grab more. Instead of one slice he grabbed two. He moaned as he managed to fit both slices into his mouth. He chewed quietly, trying to get his cheeks to deflate before he checked what messages his mystery man sent him.

“Maybe you’re not a pig, but a cow with those huge tits you’ve got.”

“What these?” Hoffman took his greasy hand and purposefully cupped as much of his chest as he could with one hand. He let out a soft moan as he slowly massaged it. “Maybe you’re right, maybe I am a cow…” He used his other hand to throw back another slice while he rubbed his thumb over his nipple under his shirt. Slowly, he snaked a hand underneath the creeping shirt and gave his stomach a quick pat. “Don’t even feel like I’ve eaten anything yet. Look at how soft it still is…” Almost immediately, his viewer responded to him:

“Then finish that second pizza and get on with the third one. Have to tell you to do everything around here, don’t I?”

“You just love how dumb I act while I eat, don’t you?” Mark cooed, “You like mindless cows stuffing their faces for your pleasure?”

“If your fat ass can finish your pizzas in the next thirty minutes, I’ll buy dessert.”

“God you’re too sweet…” Mark replied, tossing the second pizza box off in the same direction he threw the other one to get started on the third. His jaw was starting to get a bit sore from all the chewing but managed to two pizzas down, all the while continuing to flirt with the man. Nobody else dared enter Mark’s stream. Was his viewer his guardian angel? He let out a loud burp as he threw the fourth box on top of the rest and stood up from his chair. He groaned as all the weight in his stomach shifted while he stood in front of his camera, showing off how round his belly had become. He poked and prodded the taut skin, releasing more noises from his mouth while he waited for his man to say something to him. “Like what you’re seeing?”

“Dm your address. I’ll send whatever you want.”

“And if I asked for caviar?”

“You’d get it. You’ve been so good tonight.”

Mark purred as he leaned in, letting his belly droop over the table but careful to keep his face out of frame. He let out a pained little laugh as he did his best to scroll through his computer and get into his admirer’s private messages. He sent the man his address and a teasing little message, “Can you get me a whole cake?”

“Delivery will be there in 30 minutes.”

“Thank you.” He said, plopping back down into his chair. He let a belch out as he settled back into his spot. He quietly turned off his camera before sending another message. “You know since it’s just you and me… we could talk.”

“How was your day?”

“Kind of forward of you.” Mark laughed to himself but supposed it wouldn’t hurt him if he got a little more personal. “Day was pretty good… better now that I got to shut my brain off for a while and eat. Hope you enjoyed yourself.”

“Always do. You do this all day?”

“No. I couldn’t afford to eat that much all the time if I didn’t work.”

“Can’t imagine you working and actually having to use that brain of yours for something other than telling your hands to bring food up to your mouth.”

“Yeah? Would it surprise you if I told you I was actually good at my job?” Mark asked, trying to get under this man’s skin. He slowly started palming the bulge in his underwear while he waited for a response. The man kept typing then stopping, typing, stopping… until he finally came up with something to say.

“Wish I could be there to massage that stomach of yours. Maybe help you make room for that dessert.”

“Don’t worry, babe… working on making all the room for that cake you bought.” Mark had to roll his eyes. Was that really the best his man could do after sitting there and typing for almost five minutes? Not that he was keeping track. He just needed his phone handy for when his food shows up. “Now that you have my address, you could always come and feed me yourself if you’re in the area.”

“Might just take you up on that some time.”

“I bet I could eat even more if you were here.”

“I could make you beg for every last bite you get from me.”

When he noticed that the driver was nearby, he threw on some extra loose sweat pants and a sweatshirt to meet the driver. He got his cake and stared at the box for a second before heading back inside. He waddled back to his computer as fast as he could with his sheet cake in hand and typed to his admirer. “Just got the cake. Might take me a while to eat this… Not even sure I have enough room in me tonight.”

“Have it as breakfast then. Dive in face first so everyone at work can see what a disgusting pig you are.”

Hoffman hummed to himself as he imagined his co-workers’ disgust as he walked in with frosting smeared across his face. They’d already taken to calling him names behind his back when they didn’t think he was listening and he couldn’t deny how hot he found it. “I would love all that sugar to get me going in the morning, but I don’t think my co-workers would find it nearly as cute as you do.”

“Is it too much if I ask for pictures when you do eat it?” He asked, suddenly getting shy on Mark.

“Sure, but I’m not going to show any more of my face than I normally would.” He sent back quickly

“Fine by me. Hear from you tomorrow?”

“You’ll definitely be hearing from me.”

“Good night.”

And like that, his viewer was gone. Hoffman glanced back at his cake before firmly deciding that there was no way he could get a piece down this evening and needed to sleep instead. He flopped into bed and thought about the guy on the other side of the screen. Had he gotten off to Mark eating this time? Was he also thinking about how incredibly full Mark was after all that, but still hoping for more with his cake? He hauled his heavy ass up from out of bad and walked back over to the sheet cake. He opened the top up and after making sure he had his phone ready, took a handful of cake out from the corner. He ate from his hand, savoring the frosting as he let the dessert slide down his throat with ease. He took a picture of the cake, his hand, and the messy corner of his lip that he purposefully smeared with excess frosting. “Guess I just couldn’t wait for tomorrow morning.” and signed it with a heart emoji. After cleaning himself up and stripping out of his dirty clothes he fell asleep with the thought of what his viewer would have to say about the photos in the morning.

After their first stream, Hoffman had basically turned his streams into his viewer’s personal streams. Nobody got the cop by day’s attention like he did. He was crass and seemed like no matter what Mark did, had a stick up his ass. Every one of his messages read like a man so in the feeder closet he lived in Narnia, and frankly it turned Mark on to edge him just a little bit more each time. Tonight, he would binge on some doughnuts and talk. Not that he would see his viewer’s face, but they seemed like they almost had something after all this flirting between the two. As soon as his camera was on, his viewer’s status went from offline to online like that.

“Hello… mhm, we’ve only been going at this for a month or so and you’ve branded me as your cow. What pet name do you like?”

“Whatever you want to call me is fine” his viewer answered with haste.

“Honey feels right on my lips, but if you disagree… you can always come over and take it off.”

“I’m flattered.”

“That’s all you have to say, hm?” Mark raised an eyebrow. Not that he would see, but it made Hoffman laugh. He pursed his lips into an ‘oh’ shape before asking, “Want to know what I have planned tonight or just want me to start eating?”

“Tell me your plan.”

“Well I’ve got about five dozen doughnuts… a little gift leftover from work if you will, that I was going to eat for you. But that’s really all I had planned. I already started on the way home.” He rubbed the top of his growing gut, showing off the room it still had for more.

“Looks like you managed to get a dozen down already.”

“I did, had to break into the second dozen because I was absolutely starving. Don’t worry, eating five dozen doughnuts will be like nothing to me.”

“Shame, I like seeing you with a challenge.”

“Why don’t you set a timer then?”

“Finish it in an hour and a half for me?”

“You’re too sweet.” Mark opened the second of five boxes and immediately finished the last three doughnuts in there before moving onto the third. He was a little bit worried about the fourth box since it was filled with the stuffed doughnuts, but he didn’t need to worry about that now. Right now, he needed milk as the sugar caught up to his taste buds. He knew the man didn’t want to see him pour out a skimpy glass of milk, so instead he twisted the lid off and drank straight from the gallon like the fat ass he was. He cursed under his breath as some of the milk dribbled down his chin and onto his poor stretched out t-shirt that was barely hanging onto Mark as it was these days. “Not that you can see them, but I’ve got cow ears now to help me power through my meals when it feels like I just can’t eat anymore.”

“Bet you look hot with those on.”

“You’re right, I do look hot. I look even hotter when my eyes get all glazed over and there’s food all over my mouth and I’ve got my ears on.”

“Now you’re just teasing me.”

“Mhm, maybe I am.” Hoffman adjusted himself under his table. He finished the third box with almost an hour left to work on the next two boxes. He carefully looked down at his next box before taking the Bavarian crème doughnut out and sucking the filling from the hole it was piped into. He ate the empty shell then continued the same process with a long john. “You’ve been quiet for a while. Got anything to say?”

“Your thick lips look so sensual wrapped around that doughnut.”

“You’re being too nice. I’m a fat ass aren’t I? I managed to eat three dozen in an hour and I’ll have this one down in the next couple of minutes.” He snaked his hand into the fifth box, taking a frosted doughnut out just to change it up a little bit. After all, he could only eat so much filling. His eyes were starting to droop, his brain screamed at him to stop eating about two boxes ago. He looked at the camera then the screen for some kind of validation from his viewer.

“You’re a fucking heifer. Well past a pig, and damn near as heavy as a cow.”

“That’s what I like to hear, honey. Especially when I’ve had such a tough day at work. I bet you’d love to hear about it, huh?” Hoffman palmed his bulge, knowing that his words would probably make the man snap.

“Why don’t you just shut up you sack of lard? After all, your job can’t be that hard. You shut your brain off a long time ago to become the useless cow that you are.”

“Fuck…” Hoffman muttered under his breath, “I mean… moo.”

“That’s right, fatty. Cows don’t use words do they? They just moo and graze. I bet you don’t even have the energy to squeal like a pig if I came over and played with your fat rolls. No, you’re just a fucking heifer in every sense of the word. Can you feel my hands run over your tits as I plow into you from behind? The bites my teeth would leave on your stomach given the chance?”

If Hoffman had a tail, it would be flying right about now. He knocked the second to last box out like it was breathing, and demolished the last box with almost a half an hour to spare. He tried in vain to cover his mouth every time a burp or a hiccup came up his throat but got tired of it quickly. Once some of his brain cells returned to the forefront, he asked his viewer. “Well, did I put on a good show for you?”

“Best yet.” was the short reply he received. He didn’t say anything, but the other man’s curt answer rubbed him the wrong way. Almost as if he could sense his displeasure, the viewer’s typing icon lit up. “Wish I was there to clean those crumbs off your shirt myself. Or help you relieve all that tension in your stomach.”

“You’re too sweet.”

“Want anything? I’m buying.” He offered

“Something super salty. French fries would be heavenly right about now.” Hoffman had to laugh. The desserts would only settle more, like a brick wall forming in his gut and he still wanted to eat something for this man. Was he insane?

“Got it.”

“I could just about kiss you.” Hoffman leaned into his camera, pressing the thick bottom lip over the edge of his computer.

“I have to go for the night.” His viewer typed quickly, “See you tomorrow?”

“I might still be in a food coma tomorrow. But as always, I’ll let you know if I feel like I can get something down.”

“Please do… good night.”

“Good night.” Hoffman let the words trail over his lips as the viewer left. Hoffman didn’t even try to make it to his bed. He took a comfortable nap in the chair for a second before getting up to greet the delivery driver for his fries. He massaged the tight orb at his center and nibbled at the fries. The salt cut the sluggish feeling that the sugar provided him but it wasn’t enough. After finishing his light snack, he passed out on the nearby couch and woke up the next morning. He groggily threw himself into the shower, his stomach still slightly swollen from his previous night’s excess. He didn’t have time to dwell on the session, but he did run his fingers over the tuft of hair just below his belly button. After that moment of something quiet he remembered he had to get to work. After stopping to get coffee on his way in, he tiredly waltzed into work.

“Rough night, huh?” One of his co-workers remark. Mark mimes his coworker’s words behind the co-worker’s back before answering him.

“Yeah. Rough.” He took a sip from his coffee before walking across the bullpen and into his office. Not long after he had settled into his seat, his supervisor came in and told him to get his ass down to a crime scene. Must’ve been something high profile if they needed him on the scene of all people. He shrugged it off and headed to the scene. He stopped by another coffee place on his way to the scene and sat in his car for a moment. He seriously contemplated quitting right then and there, but managed to talk himself back out of it after the first sip from the new drink. Slowly, he got out from his car and walked in to be briefed by someone from forensics. While he poked around the edge of the scene, mostly uninterrupted two agents from the FBI walked in. Hoffman had to roll his eyes. He couldn’t deal with his swollen stomach and their inflated egos today. He really should’ve just stayed home. After that, he finally processed that the two were walking up to him.

“Detective.” The woman was the first to talk to him, “My name’s Agent Perez and this is my partner, Agent… Strahm.” She paused as it seemed like Agent Strahm had an aversion to being too close to the detective. Hoffman shook hands with Perez before leaning in to close the distance between him and Strahm and taking his hand by force. The other man looked down at Hoffman’s hand with a look of disgust that flashed across his face for only a second, but was evident to Hoffman. Mark could confidently say he felt the same way about the agent. Perez snapped Hoffman back into focus. “Why don’t you tell us what you know about this case?”

“There’s been a serial killer, as of right now this murder seems… unrelated.” Hoffman shrugged

“Unrelated my ass.” Strahm muttered under his breath. He crossed his arms in front of him before asking, “There must be something here.”

“If you can find a connection that five of my officers couldn’t, then congratulations. You get to say you’re the smartest man here.”

“Couldn’t be that hard with a guy like you running the scene.” Strahm pushed past Hoffman, brushing against Hoffman’s arm as he stormed off. The agent took a quick look back, maybe to see if Hoffman was phased before turning his attention to the crime scene. Perez rolled her eyes and looked in the opposite direction, politely asking if she could look further into something that one of Hoffman’s officers seemed to be studying intensely. Normally Hoffman would put up more of a fight when an FBI agent felt like turning his crime scenes into a pissing contest, but something about Strahm seemed like he was avoiding Hoffman personally rather than trying to assert his jurisdiction over the case. He slowly walked up to Strahm as Strahm squatted over a blood splatter, eyeing up the pattern and how it could end up where it was. Hoffman leaned forward slightly, his belly straining against the buttons at the front of his dress shirt. Strahm’s eyes darted towards the other man before averting them just as fast.

“Something the matter, agent?”

“I’m trying to think, fa… you fucker.”

“Sounds like you had something else on your mind.” Hoffman kept pressing at Strahm’s already tenuous buttons

“Do you do any actual work at your crime scenes?” Strahm scoffed, once again looking at Hoffman’s center rather than his eyes. Hoffman adjusted himself so that he was standing upright. He crossed his arms right under his chest and let them rest against the top of his stomach.

“I didn’t become the head of the department because my ass looks pretty in a mini-skirt. If that’s what you’re thinking.” Hoffman scoffed right back at Strahm. Strahm turned around fully to face him, only to draw back into himself as he realized his finger was dangerously close to jabbing into one of Hoffman’s pecs.

“I wasn’t thinking about that, pervert.” Strahm sputtered. Clearly Hoffman had touched a nerve. In order to ‘foster a co-operative work environment’ most would back off now, but that wasn’t Hoffman’s goal. He just had to wait for his opportunity. He backed away from the agent for a minute or two but never let him out of his line of sight. Lindsey seemed to be circling the two as well but was pulled away when asked for help by one of Hoffman’s subordinates. Finally, it was just the two men alone at the scene. Strahm walked over to the detective and handed him a small evidence bag. “Only thing I could find that your officers didn’t. Congratulations I guess.” Hoffman practically threw the baggie off to the side and rushed Strahm like a bull, taking the other man by utter surprise. Hoffman only stopped when he heard Strahm’s back make a soft thud noise against the drywall.

“Let’s quit playing games, Agent.” Hoffman slipped into his seductive voice that he reserved for his extra curricular activities. A flush spread across Strahm’s face all the way to the tips of his ear. His eyes refused to meet Hoffman’s, even as one of the detective’s hands took hold of Strahm’s chin and forced his head down slightly. Strahm stared into him, looking past Hoffman’s pupils.

“You’re the one playing games with me… you fucking heifer.”

Suddenly it clicked for Hoffman. Oh, oh this was too juicy for him not to tease him more for.

“You’re the perv that’s been watching me?” Hoffman leaned in, speaking no louder than a whisper into the fed’s ear. Strahm shivered and his face turned even more red. “I knew something was up when you walked in, but I didn’t know that my knight in shining armor would come strolling into my life like this.”

“Can’t fucking believe this…” Strahm muttered, mostly to himself.

“Tell me what you’re thinking.” Hoffman’s mouth hovered over Strahm’s neck, aching to kiss the man that had been waiting for him on the other side of his computer screen right then. Goosebumps crawled across the agent’s skin and his breathing became heavy. It sounded like he was really struggling to come up with something.

“You told me you actually had to think at your job, and I couldn’t fucking believe it… no wonder you like mindlessly eating for my attention, you fat fuck.” The bass in his voice echoed through Hoffman as he sat with Strahm’s words. Now it was Hoffman’s turn to be stunned into silence. Strahm’s hands found themselves on Hoffman’s stomach after a moment of hesitation. He gave the doughy skin a firm squeeze before massaging the fat with more care than Hoffman ever thought a feeder would give him. Strahm’s hands continued to roam across Hoffman’s body mindlessly as his eyes fixated on Hoffman’s lips, desperately begging for contact without words between the two. Hoffman smirked and pressed the full weight of his body into Strahm before finally giving the agent what he wanted. His thick lips devoured the other man’s mouth in a kiss. Strahm broke the contact first as he ran his thumb over Hoffman’s bottom lip.

“What if someone sees us?” He asked, eyeing up Hoffman’s lips for another kiss while he feigned modesty.

“If it’s any of my officers, they’ll turn around and act like they didn’t see shit. What about if it’s little miss girl scout?”

“She’ll clear her throat and make it known she’s here. And she has a name, dick.” Strahm took Hoffman’s hands off of him before he started playing with his own shirt collar. “You free tonight?”

“No.” Hoffman rolled his eyes, “I’m eating on camera for this fucking pervert who can’t pick up on any of my hints about how badly I want him to stuff my face.”

“Dumbass.” Strahm hissed, “Fine. I’ll come over and stuff your fucking face, you want that you cow?”

“Great I’ll see you there.” Hoffman walked off with an air of confidence. He had some paperwork to fill out once he got back to the precinct, but he definitely wouldn’t mind filling it out now that he had a date waiting on the other side of it.

Hoffman bit down on his lip. He had no idea what to expect from Strahm and thus didn’t bring any food home with him. God he really felt like he was starving without his after work snack before a proper meal. He wore the loosest clothes he still had left, not bothering with pants that’d be discarded quickly for one reason or another. He heard the knock on his door, checked the peephole and barely cracked the door open to let Strahm in. His hand went immediately to the center of the agent’s chest, and his head titled in anticipation for the hungry kiss he knew Strahm was going to lay onto him. As expected, Strahm’s teeth dug into the skin of Hoffman’s lips and pushed Hoffman back into his apartment. He placed his hands firmly against Hoffman’s love handles and moved his mouth towards Mark’s jawline. Hoffman slid his hand down, teasing Strahm as if he was about to undo the other man’s belt only to wrap his fist around the plastic carry out bag handles that the agent had pressing into him.

“What’d you get me?” Hoffman bit his lip, waiting for an answer from Strahm. Any confidence the other man had was gone now that Hoffman was looking at him with such desire.

“Just… some burgers.” He cleared his throat before continuing. “Thought you’d look cute with grease running down that stupid face of yours.”

“Let’s start then.” Hoffman took his arm and pulled him towards the room he usually stuffed himself in. “Give me one and unwrap the next one right away.”

“Okay.”

Hoffman ate the first one without much hesitation, inhaling it rather than just eating it. He held his hand out for Strahm to give him the second and ate that just as fast.

“At least tell me you got me something besides just the burgers.”

“Yeah, fries too.” Strahm grumbled a little

“You’ve seen me clean up five dozen donuts like it was nothing. Are you really surprised I’d ask if there was more food?”

“No.”

“Good. Give me the fries now.” Hoffman demanded. Strahm put the bag into Hoffman’s hand and pulled another burger out from the bag. Just as Hoffman was about to tell Strahm to give him the sandwich, Strahm shoved the bun up against Hoffman’s lips. Hoffman bit down into the burger and ate as Strahm fed it to him. Strahm brought the next one up to his lips in a similar fashion and Hoffman finished it before mouthing off. “Big ass burgers you got me…”

“Don’t act like you don’t like it.” Strahm rolled his eyes slowly. Hoffman could feel that he was close to his limit. He wanted Strahm to count the wrappers and tell him how many he’d eaten but he wanted to get more in before he was completely full. “You’ve eaten at least six of these fucking things.”

“Yeah?” Hoffman looked up at him with lust filled eyes

“One of those is probably like three burgers for a normal person.” Strahm walked behind Hoffman’s chair. His hand slid under Hoffman’s belly. He lifted the heavy mass up only to let it drop onto Hoffman’s lap with a noticeable thud. A moan escaped from Hoffman’s lips as Strahm’s hand firmly rubbed circles into his stomach. “I could probably fit two more in there and being the stupid cow you are would ignore every other part of your body telling you ‘enough’s enough’.”

That’s right, Hoffman was Strahm’s cow. A greedy, mindless cow.

“Hell I could probably fit a baby in you and no one would be able to tell where your bump ended and your fat started.” Strahm’s hand snuck below the elastic of Hoffman’s underwear. “You’d look so good carrying my calf, you fucking heifer.”

Hoffman’s teeth were threatening to tear the inside of his lip open as Strahm talked to him. With a quick jerk out of the chair, Strahm sat on Hoffman’s bed and ran his hand over the silver belt buckle. Still in a head fog, Hoffman leaned into Strahm and wrestled with the cold metal himself. Strahm used his fingers to force Hoffman’s face to look at him. The detective’s heart caught in his throat as the agent’s lips pressed against his, softer this time for some reason. When Hoffman returned the kiss with a familiar hunger Strahm stopped playing nice and kissed with some passion behind it. He only disconnected from his fatass to pull the struggling shirt off over Hoffman’s head and strip his underwear off.

“You’re even fucking bigger than your stupid little work outfit makes you look.” Strahm’s nostrils flared as he looked over Hoffman. Hoffman hated how much he loved being glanced over by the agent like this. It was completely personal but felt impersonal; like Strahm wanted to distance himself from his creation but if Hoffman was the one to pull away, he’d only be pulled back by his leash harder. “Ride me.”

No ‘please’, no ‘you need a minute?’. This was about what Strahm wanted. Hoffman carefully maneuvered around his full belly to grab the lube and handed it to Strahm. Strahm shoved two fingers up into Hoffman to ease him into this. Hoffman scoffed for a second only to be shut up by the feeling of Strahm shoving himself into Hoffman. Mark couldn’t hold back the moan that ensued as Strahm began thrusting up into him. He wrapped his arms carefully around Strahm’s neck as the man let out grunts from the effort of holding Hoffman upright.

“Making me do all the fucking work, huh?” Strahm’s lips trailed along Hoffman’s jawline. Hoffman slowly bucked his hips up into Strahm’s, desperate for another point of contact between the two of them. Strahm moved his hands down along Hoffman’s back and gave his ass a generous squeeze before bringing them to the detective’s front and pressed down on his thighs to keep him from bouncing down too hard onto Strahm. The agent’s finger tips dug in so perfectly to the plush skin on top of him, it was all getting to be too much. With a couple more firm thrusts up into Hoffman, Strahm finished inside of him. He pulled out slowly, despite Hoffman’s whines.

“You’re really going to fill me up and not let me get off?” he pouted. Strahm leaned in for a kiss that turned into a bit of a fight as Strahm’s teeth sunk into the inside of Hoffman’s mouth. With all his weight, Strahm pushed Hoffman onto his back and ran a hand over the still firm curve of Hoffman’s stomach. He massaged some of the tension away, trailing his hand down to the other man’s dick. He slowly jerked Hoffman off. Already in an overeaten state of bliss, Hoffman didn’t take long to cum into Strahm’s hand as the agent brought the ejaculation up to his mouth. He licked his hand clean in plain view of the detective.

“God you drive me insane, you fat fuck.” He let out a sigh. He used his palm to apply pressure against Hoffman’s belly, rubbing circle after circle into the distended orb at Hoffman’s center. Hoffman was barely able to let words slip from his lips, continuously interrupted by belches he couldn’t keep in from Strahm’s soothing. The agent’s lips connected with Hoffman’s earlobe, kissing behind his ear as they both came down from the feeding high. When Hoffman could finally string his words together, he asked Strahm,

“Was that everything you hoped for?” His eyes were still glazed over

“Yeah… It was pretty good.” Strahm nuzzled into the crook of Hoffman’s neck.

“Just good?” Hoffman rolled away as best as he could, only for Strahm to pull him in closer. “You’ve got some high standards for ‘good’, ass.”

“Can’t let your ego swell as big as your stomach.” Strahm snipped back at him. He only pulled away from Hoffman when he saw that Hoffman’s eyes were growing heavy and went to turn the lights off for the two of them.

“Peter?” He asked in an almost sing-songy voice

Strahm choked a bit on his own spit as he tried to answer Mark in a timely manner, “Y-Yeah?”

“Wanna feed me again sometime?”

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

“Maybe I could stream it. Show off that it’s been you making me fatter this whole time.”

“Or I could just film you, for myself.”

“Perv.” Hoffman kissed his partner and leaned into him. Strahm’s hand ran up the outside of Hoffman’s thigh, rubbing in small circles along the bigger man’s love handles. “Can you promise me something?”

“Probably.”

“‘Probably’? What good are you?”

“Fine, what?”

“Bring me dessert too next time.”

“You got it.”

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hyper-fixated-delusions · 3 months ago

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Hello beautiful lovely people!! I am back. It has been such a whirlwind of a year but I have missed this account and all of you!! ❤️

I hope you guys have been doing well!! I can’t wait to read the many works I’ve missed out on!!

As of right now I don’t think I’ll be doing much writing as my personal life is still pretty busy and I just finished like a month and a half of over time, so I just wanted to come back on and read and get reacquainted with tumblr haha

To those who are still here, thank you!! I’m just a little loser that loves to read and write 😝 so you guys just even reading what I’ve written is still a crazy thing to me!!

I hope the rest of the year goes smoothly for you guys and for me as well!! This time off surely made me reflect and appreciate all that I have, so the time off was definitely much needed!!

Once again, thank you guys and here’s to a smoother 2024!! :)

#h-f-d rambles #h-f-d updates

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goiyoysworld · 2 months ago

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What up guys first post!!!!!!✌️😺 Sorry it took me so long to get on here I honestly forgot to make it and I didn’t realize that tumblr was a blog but anyway my weekend was pretty good. I went to a Morrissey concert with Colin on Friday night and thought it was gonna be wayyyyy easier to drive around there then it actually was. I ended up having a little (a lot) of road rage and really hope he doesn’t think I’m insane now…..but yeah he ended up driving home. Then we hung out again on Saturday and I had work on Saturday and Sunday and on Saturday they had to call the cops on this guy because he was stealing peoples shit around the park but ended up leaving before they could catch him but they still had all his info. Anyway I made a color wheel in school today because we’re starting color this week!!! Finally dude like everyone in my class has been waiting for so long to finally get into it and we’re gonna be learning it for 3 weeks so it’s gonna be lit and I’m excited. Lowkey haven’t been doing great on my written exams…😬 but I have my midterm coming up so I fr need to lock in and make sure I pass that shit but yeah. Also I just got a new cart even tho I said I was quitting haha 😝 it’s just so convenient dude like I was tired of coming up with an intricate plan just to get high. This morning after getting done brushing my teeth i literally coughed up something hard like it looked like dried mucus or some shit but how tf was it dry?????? I’m concerned and my friends at school said it’s normal bc it’s a tonsil stone but idk man I’ve never heard of such a thing. But anyways I miss you guys soooooo much dude I need us all in the same room again sometime sooner then later or I’ll go insane 💞 oh and I did janie’s perm with the help of the lovely Nikki and am pretty proud of the result✌️ HMU FOR BLOWOUTS 💆‍♀️💩🚽🙏

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fanfictilltheend · 2 years ago

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You should see me in a crown - Chapter 5 (Y/N Grimes/Negan Smith)

AO3 LINK

Chapter 4 // Chapter 6

Masterlist

A/n: Thanks for reading! Let me know if you want more. Also, I haven't written in this verse in literally years so I hope it feels cohesive. Let me know! I have one more chapter planned but not written yet so it may take a lil while. If you guys want more than that you have to let me know. Also, I have a Joel miller x reader in the works requested to me on tumblr. We have made it to 15 followers on tumblr lmao come join in the squad! Y/N is like 20 in this and Negan is whatever age he is in season 7 so if that’s too much of an age gap please turn back!

Warnings: 18+ smut do not interact if not 18+ afab!you, daddy kink, kissing, age difference, abusive!Rick Grimes, protective Negan, sexual touching, oral sex, multiple orgasms, cumming untouched, facials, attempted orgasm denial

Summary: Negan expresses doubts and things look grim for a while until they don't.

When I wake up the next morning, Negan is gone from the bed. I figure he's probably busy running an empire, so it makes sense, but part of me is still a little sad I'm alone. I have imagined waking up in his arms so many times it feels a little disappointing to be on my own.

So I put on my clothes then enter into the living room area and there’s Negan eating breakfast and reviewing some maps at the dining table. He’s wearing these black reading glasses that make him look very sexy in my opinion.

He looks at me, lowering his glasses on the bridge of his nose, then back to his maps. He doesn't greet me.

That’s strange.

“Hey,” I say. “Are you mad at me or something?”

“What?” he asks breaking into a smirk, but his expression is distant. “Mad at ya? What makes you think that?”

Maybe I'm just overthinking things, but something in his vibe is definitely different. He's looking at me guiltily like he's my teacher about to tell me I'm failing tenth-grade English or something. Not like a guy who wants to fuck me.

“Nothing,” I mumble, forcing the thought away. “So what are we doing today?”

“I was thinking,” he begins, avoiding my eyes. “I think it’s time to get you back to Alexandria.”

“ What?” I spit, feeling like I've just been socked in the chest. I don’t believe this. “After everything I told you about Rick you think that's a good idea?”

“What? No, not like that,” he replies dismissively. “I’d beat the shit out of him first to get him to leave you alone and all and I’d always be there to reinforce the idea, but then I think you should get home to your family after.”

“Did I miss something?” I ask, thinking he’s kidding. “I thought it was cool to stay here for a while…”

I try to sit down in his lap, but he frowns and pushes me away lightly.

What the fuck?!

“Shit, do you not like me anymore?” I ask incredulously, so deeply hurt by his rejection I don’t even tear up. “I mean, are you embarrassed by me or something?”

“Listen, Y/N, I’m not one to beat around the bush: I'm ending things between us,” he says softly, avoiding my eyes. “It’s for your own goddamn good too, believe me.” He narrows his own eyes when he sees the disbelieving look on my face. “I mean we’re mortal fucking enemies for Christ sake!”

“That can’t be the reason!” I nearly shout, absolutely flabbergasted at this turn of events. “You didn’t care about that yesterday!” I shoot back, still not fully believing him. “This is bullshit. I know you like me.”

“Do you?” he asks in amusement, but perhaps also cruelly. “Yesterday you thought there was a distinct chance I was a goddamn evil supervillain who was manipulating the shit out of you to get to your dear old dad. Maybe that’s all this was.”

I swallow, studying his face. Is he telling the truth? He can’t be, can he? I know what we’ve been feeling is real, right? I’ve never liked someone as much as I’ve liked him. But then something clenches in my stomach.

“Is that why you won’t all-out fuck me?” I ask, dejectedly, my heart now in my throat. “Or let me see your dick? ‘Cause you never really liked me?”

That would make sense. Maybe he really did play me. I’m crying now too, my lip trembling. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. That’s just fan-fucking-tastic. But it would explain why he’s been so slow to have sex.

“Hey, don’t fucking cry!” Negan exclaims, panic and guilt covering his features. And then his light eyes turn into an even worse expression: pity. “We’ve only had a thing for like a couple of days! You can’t like me that much. What about your merry band of Alexandria men? The ones who wanna fuck you and all. How about them? What do you have to cry for?”

“Fuck you,” I say, rubbing the tears from my eyes. “I made them up. There are no guys back at Alexandria who want to fuck me. I made them up to make you jealous. Because I like you, okay? You make me feel so safe and special. I don’t believe you could fake how nice you’ve been to me. But tell me right now it was all fake and I’ll b-believe you I guess. I’ll leave you the fuck alone. I respect boundaries…”

I am straight-up ugly crying right now like a little kid and I wipe my nose on my sleeve, sniveling. Be more pathetic! I think to myself. But that asshole really did hurt my feelings.

“Maybe I happen to believe you’d be better off without me,” Negan begins slowly in his deep, gravelly voice, not really meeting my eyes. “Maybe I believe I’ll hurt someone as genuine as you.” He looks up at me. “I’m an asshole, Y/N, what can I say? I have five wives. And you’re just this kid with a shining light in her. I’d kill anyone who lays a finger on you and I’d never fucking live with myself if I hurt you or put that light out.”

Oh. So that’s what this is about. He’s scared of hurting me. I’m flattered, but he really is a fucking idiot!

“So then don’t hurt me,” I tell him. “It’s that simple. I mean, you asshole, breaking up with me — whatever this is — hurts so fucking bad. Don’t do it. And choose not to hurt me in the future. And then keep making that choice. You’re a smart and capable man. I think you can treat me right if you try. And what am I? Some of grandma’s fine fucking China? I can take a little heartache if need be. I’m not a pussy and you said it. And here’s the last thing I’ll say about this: you’re catching feelings for me. I know it. I see it in your eyes.”

He blinks at me funny and I know I’m right.

“Need to get your eyes checked then,” he mocks stubbornly.

“Fuck you, don’t push me away because you’re afraid,” I tell him.

“Fine,” he relents with a sigh. “Let’s just say, you may have a smart little brain in that hot fucking head of yours,” he admits, uncrossing his arms. “Maybe I am falling a little too fast. And maybe it fucking terrifies me.”

Aw, that’s actually really sweet! I knew the feelings I’m feeling weren’t one-sided. I wonder just how deep he’s fallen because I know I am head over heels. He just had to be a dick about it though…

“I haven’t felt this way since…” he trails off.

“Since Lucille?” I finish for him.

“Fuck. How’d you know, kid? It’s like you can read my goddamn mind. But yeah, since Lucille. She was a real spitfire, same as you. Only you’re a bit softer and sweeter. She would have liked you…” he trails off again, looking distantly into the past and over his bat which is lying on the chair next to him.

“I’m sorry for your loss, Negan,” I tell him honestly. “I bet I would have liked her too.”

He reaches out a big hand and ruffles my hair and I swat his hand away, grinning stupidly.

“So now that we’ve got that angsty shit out of the way, you won’t try to send me home now, right?” I ask. “And you’ll kiss and touch me again ‘till I can’t breathe?”

He looks like he’s trying to resist, but pats his lap and I sit in it, my heart beating quickly.

“Maybe just maybe you’ve convinced me to let this shenanigan continue,” he breathes into my ear and I shiver.

“Apologize for scaring me,” I command, grinding down on his lap.

He grunts in surprise and starts to get a little hard.

“I’m not big on apologies,” he tells me cockily. “Plus maybe you scare me a little.”

“In a good way?” I ask, grinding down on him again.

“In what I now think is a very good way. And maybe I’ll make it up to you right now for failing to see it from the start.”

He reaches his hand down my pants and starts rubbing my clit and I let out a whine.

“You know what would really hit the spot?” I ask as he works me, trying not to sound so absolutely wrecked by him. “And would prove your undying devotion to me?”

“What’s that?” he asks cockily, sticking a rough finger deep inside me and I moan. His finger is so big and fills me up so much compared to one of mine.

“If I could see your cock?” I whimper as he begins to finger me at an earth-shattering pace, in and out.

He grins.

“How do you ask, baby?”

“Please, Daddy can I see your cock?” I ask nicely.

He reaches his other hand down and undoes the button on his khakis and pulls out a very hard-looking dick. I may not have seen too many dicks in my day, but I do know a nice one when I see it. It is long and girthy and the reddish head is nearly purple. Goddamn. My mouth waters.

“Can I touch it?” I whine eagerly, now soaking wet.

“There’s my dirty girl,” he chuckles. “But not until you cum.”

“Well then get to work!” I challenge, grinding into his fingers, dripping down into his lap.

“With pleasure,” he chuckles. “Ride my fingers, baby.”

He rubs my clit some more with his thumb and then curls his finger deep inside me. I practically seize.

“Jesus,” he laughs, his eyes lighting up. “All this for just one finger?”

“And your dick,” I remind him, moaning. “How about another finger?”

“So greedy," he chuckles in approval. "But anything for you, baby girl.”

He does as he’s told and I feel so good and turned on I’m going to cum soon.

“Now, tell me what you like about old Negan Jr,” he commands, licking the shell of my ear, stroking his cock. “Since you were so goddamn eager to see him.”

“Do you mean your dick?” I snicker incredulously.

“At least I don’t call it my goddamned ‘meat wand’ or my ‘quivering’ fucking ‘manhood’ like I bet you read in some of those romance novels I saw in your bedroom. That could be arranged.”

“Shut up!” I snort, wanting to ask him how he knows so much about romance novels. “Keep fingering me, asshole,” I say because he’s stopped. He starts up again, hitting just the right spot. I let out a low moan. “But I’ll bite. Your cock is so hot and big, Daddy. I don’t know if it will fit in me.”

“You are very tight, princess,” he agrees, adding a third finger, pushing in and out of me so fast I see stars.

“And it looks like it will stretch me so well,” I whimper. “Can’t wait to suck it.”

Negan groans.

“Can I touch it now, please?” I whine, dangerously close to the edge.

“Not until you cum on Daddy’s hand. Go on, baby girl,” he tells me fondly.

He fingers me so hard and so fast I lean back into him and cum with a small sob, and he doesn’t stop until I am an oversensitive, spasming mess.

“N-negan!” I moan desperately, only a puddle of a human being at this point.

But even then he doesn’t stop, grinning a wicked grin, and I am riding over the edge again and I cum twice around his fingers as he hits that perfect spot inside of me, letting out a little scream.

“Jesus, sweetheart,” Negan grins in my ear as my body stops its spasming. “That was so hot.”

“That’s the first time I’ve cum from you,” I remark, panting. “But not the first time I’ve cum because of you. That felt so good, Negan. Way better than when I touch myself. Can I touch you now?”

“Anything for my dirty girl. Go on,” he teases as I look into his dancing hazel-brown eyes.

I reach down between my legs and stroke his throbbing cock and the soft flesh is hard as diamond.

He groans deeply, smiling at me stupidly.

“I’ve been waiting so fucking long for that,” he tells me. “Wanted it to be just right for you.”

“Me too,” I agree. “But it always would have been just right. Don’t you know?”

I spit into my hand and start working his cock and Negan moans appreciatively into my ear and my heart pounds deliciously.

“Feels so good, angel,” he whines in my ear. Precum is leaking down my fingers. The shaft and fat head are so swollen. I love when he calls me that.

“Can I put you in my mouth, Daddy?” I ask, reaching down to touch myself, even though I am so spent. Heat still surges between my legs.

“Are you sure, baby? Don’t wanna make you lift a finger,” he tells me seriously. “This is allegedly my apology to you.”

“Who said this was for your benefit?” I ask. “Plus maybe I like spoiling you too.”

“Well, aren’t you a goddamn sweetheart. If you insist…Fuck!” He groans as I get between his knees and bring the warm head to my mouth. “Shit, Y/N, I’m not gonna last if you keep sucking me like that. Taking me so well…”

I am so wet between my legs. He tastes so good and those hot little moans and groans he makes against me are driving me insane. I take as much of his length as I can fit in my mouth which is about three-quarters. The rest I jerk with my hands.

“I’m close, baby,” Negan grunts. “God, just looking at you. Can’t remember the last time I was this fast to cumming. But watching you cum from my fingers alone, twice no less. That just tickles my fucking balls! Literally. Fuck!” he grunts.

And just as he’s about to cum, I think, I pull off of him completely and squeeze his cock.

“Y/N?” he asks desperately, staring down at me, thrusting his cock into midair. “What the flying fuck—“

“Think you get to act like you’re leaving me and then cum? Dream on.” I announce, playing him at his own game, getting back at him from before. I let go of his cock.

Negan starts to laugh, but then his face contorts into a look of utter reverence and he cums anyway, untouched, squirting cum all over my face. That asshole!

Looks like I fucked up the timing or maybe he’s just that in control of his body...Goddamn.

“Oh my god!” Negan laughs through panting, when he calms down a little, his mouth wide open. He looks awed, almost starstruck. “That wasn’t on purpose, I swear! You’re just that hot I couldn’t fucking help it I guess!”

He throws his head back, snickering with laughter as I wipe cum out of my eye.

“You’re so fucking adorable I can’t get enough of you. Literally. First, you give me an amazing blowjob, and then you think you can play my game? But you just weren’t fast enough, baby. I love it! I told you no one will ever be as bad as me. Oh, come on, lighten up.”

“Maybe I’m smiling under all this jizz…” I say. “You wouldn’t know though. Now, help clean me off, you complete motherfucker.”

His eyes soften down at me and he takes off his undershirt to clean me up. He pulls me up into his lap, against his bare hairy chest.

“You’re a sweetheart. Truly.” He tells me. I lean against him so tightly I can hear his heart beating, not wanting to ever let go. “That’s part of why you scare me so much. I’m sorry I was a dick, alright? That shit about sending you home was dumb of me to even suggest when I care about you as much as I do. I think I just don’t know how to deal with how I feel about you, Y/N. It’s new for me.”

“You’re also just a dick,” I point out. “But I appreciate the sentiment.”

“Haven’t cum like that in ages,” he tells me seriously, his voice vibrating through his body against my ear. “Just from looking at someone like that. You’re so beautiful, baby. Can’t believe you thought you could play me! But God, you looked so pretty with my cum on your face,” he muses. “That image is going in the spank bank for sure. Even if you ditch me for my dick behavior. It’s gonna be in the motherfucking spank bank hall of fame.”

“You’re so gross,” I inform him. “And a dick and a jerk and an asshole, but somehow I still like you. So I guess I’ll take you back.”

“Who said you ever let me go? I’ve got you fuckin’ wrapped, baby.”

He leans down to kiss me long and hard and I positively melt into his mouth and I know he’s right.

“Negan!” Simon suddenly calls from another room. I look up and sit up straighter and so does Negan. “Bossman, we have a goddamn visitor. You’ll never guess who it is…”

A/n: Can you guess who it is???? Feedback please or just leave a like or reblog if you enjoyed!!!!!! Chapter 6 will be coming soon but I have to finish writing it and know that people actually want me to post it.

Chapter 6

Masterlist

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fa-by · 8 months ago

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Hiiii babies and dear Anons 👋🏼🤗. I'm back with a new Q&A post. And I know, I know, I've been gone for a few months and I'm sorry 😭. My life is a mess between work and my health especially. I haven't been well for 3 years in a row now and I haven't had peace since then 🥺. I'm sorry to disappear like this but you must also understand that answering your asks takes time which unfortunately I don't always have.

Before starting I'd like to add that I haven't answered all the asks. I don't think there's any need to post the various “I miss you” (I missed you guys too btw❤️), “come back”, or questions with the same type of topic such as Camila's coming out. In that case, I chose just one ask to answer the many. A special virtual hug 🤗🤗 to the purple heart 💜 Anon: Thank you as always for your understanding and all your kind words, my dear. The answer to your ask about my thoughts on I LUV IT can be found in the last ask.

Having said that, now let's move on directly to the answers. Enjoy 🙃.

🤭😉🤣😜😏😎

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I've been better, what about you?

Yeah, sadly. Unfortunately, there are so many who believe in the narratives because they don't really know how things work behind the scenes.

The link in the ask for those who want to see it: https://x.com/iblf1317/status/1775326171971862734?s=46&t=4knNAwPkOIO0jCg9CscblA.

Anon, have a good day too 😄.

No, it wasn't real. I think I've talked about this before, but anyway. They've spread that rumor for years and on different occasions, but it's never been true. It was, and probably still is, just the fantasy/hope taken from the fanfictions of some fans who tried in every way to pass it off as reality.

Hi to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄.

That's what I've been saying for years... People like those who put out and spread this bullshit are the shame of this ship.

Hiiii to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I've been better, what about you?

Yeeep. They were as subtle as an elephant in a glass store 🤣.

Hello to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄.

1) [Do u believe personally that Camren are still together?]

Yeah, I do 😉. Even though they had and still have their ups and downs with periods of breaks.

2) [If so why do u think they have stopped giving us hints like they used to?]

They haven't 🤣. They never stopped 😜. The hints are no longer daily as they were years ago, but they're still there.

3) [Unless I’ve missed them-] Lots apparently 🤣.

[-in which case do u have an example?] A recent one: boobs 🤭. *if you understand, you understand*.

I saw what you did there 😍 my favorite CC1 song 🥰 Have a great day too 🙃.

Leasing Tumblr forever to whom? And of course not 🤣. Unless you meant leaving and not leasing? I know it was a typo, don't worry I'm just joking 😜. Anyway, yes, I've thought about it many times due to my unwanted long absences, but I don't want to 🤷🏻‍♀️. I in fact come back every time I have a little freer time to write 💪🏼.

Thank you for your nice thoughts about my health, dear 🤗.

Hi to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄.

Brazil has no comparison with any other for Camren 🤣🤣🤣. Naah, they've never been super popular here in Italy. Both Camren and 5H unfortunately.

Hiiii to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I've been better, what about you?

I did in 2018 if I'm not mistaken. It's a great one-shot! And I remember having teary eyes in some parts. I recommend everyone who hasn't yet to go and read it 🙃.

Hi to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I've been better, what about you?

Yep, it was Laur. I have no idea why they thought that 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe they thought so because of their especially at the beginning stereotypical images as Mila “the innocent doll” and Laur “the intimidating badass” 🙄🙄. If that's why, a lot of people portrayed Lo as the top 🤣. I don't know what to tell you, dear. They're still fanfics so Camren's perspectives from their fantasies or maybe they simply perceived them in that way in reality as well. Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Hi to you too, dear German Anon 👋🏼😄.

I must admit that with “texts”, for a second, just a tiny lil second, you had me worried there 🤣. You know, because texts is mainly used to refer to phone text messages 🤣. I understood immediately that you were referring to my posts, don't worry, dear 🙃. I just wanted to point that out to make you laugh 😉.

Thank you for your kind words 😊. I really appreciate it 🥰. I'm here if you have any questions for me, although there's a possibility that you'll get the answer late 😅. And don't worry about your English. I'm Italian and therefore it's not my mother tongue for me either.

Have a nice day, and stay safe and healthy too 🤗.

Hi to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I've been better, what about you?

I do actually. Just mobile games. I have a few but I'm obsessed with one in particular called Hustle Castle (you have to have loooooots of patience for this type of game).

I used to play a lot more when I was younger and had a lot freer time. I've had the Game Boy Color, two PlayStations (1&3; the latter still in my room gathering dust for I don't know how many years 😅), the PSP (like the PS3, still in my room in some drawer gathering dust for I don't know how many years 😅), and I've played a few PC games.

What about you?

Hi to you too, my dear K 👋🏼😄.

[Hi faby sorry to hear ur still not been good health wise but glad ur feeling better.]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[hoping there not gonna pull some shit for the talentless boy]

They won't, don't worry.

[Can’t remember if u have been asked this b4 but what’s been ur fave collab C’s done? There’s a few I like but god have they made her do some awful once’s where is obviously totally for the guys benefit. Think my fav would be bad things I can’t say I like the guy but love the song.]

Even though I love Bad Things and I absolutely love all the collaborations she's done on her albums, movies, and outside of her albums like Hey Ma, Find U Again, and KU LO SA, I think it's a tie between Beautiful with Bazzi and South of The Border with Ed Sheeran and Cardi B.

[Also don’t know about u or anyone else but I miss her posting about thunder he seems like a complete handful and I still piss my self laughing when I think of that pr vid walking all her dogs 🤣🤣]

Same 🤣. It's a forever meme 🤣🤣🤣🤣.

[I’m curious if that training camp thing they did with thunder if it worked but feel like we need more content with him after that stunt particularly think the whole fandom fell in love with thunder 🤣 I’ve always loved to have a German shepherd. What dog breed is urs?]

My baby girl is a Yorkie and Jack Russell crossbreed 😍.

[Maybe u could share a pic of him? U totally don’t have to but as I’m sure ur aware by now I love animals 😂]

Part of me would love to with all my heart believe me, especially to proudly show you how beautiful she is 😍😍😍, but I don't wanna show my private life here. Maybe in the future, who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️. Thanks for your understanding and don't worry, I love animals too 🥰.

By the way, to give you an idea of what she looks like, she's similar to this awesome young man: https://images.app.goo.gl/GibAuesAin3X2PkV8

[Btw do u know why D and C haven’t shared any pics etc with each other hanging out or when/if they ever will?]

They finally have the freedom of likes and comments, so I think we'll have pics in the future but only if they're gonna see each other at public events. Not private meetings' pics. Too soon for that 🙄.

[I really miss them together for me it was always them and L I didn’t like N and A sorry I know ppl won’t be happy but we all individuals with our own likes and dislike 🤷🏻‍♀️ at the end of the day]

I understand, don't worry. As a lover of all 5H, however, I'm sorry you don't like Normally 🥺.

[Sending u a virtual hug 🤗 and well wishes and look forward to ur reply in a few months time 😏😂 I’m kidding 😘]

No joke there 😅. It really was like that. Sorry 😅. A virtual hug and well wishes to you too, my dear K 😘.

Heyyy to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I'm still fighting to get healthy again, what about you?

You mean this?

Link: https://twitter.com/Camila_Cabello/status/662777249486237697.

@ alrenajou is private now and that's why the comment “I’ts camren yo” is no longer visible, but as you can see, Mila's response is still there.

Anyway, what do I think about it? I think that as I already explained in my Inauguration post (penultimate question), the sun and the moon have and have always had a special place in their hearts regardless of Camren and that therefore Mila simply explained this with that answer 🤷🏻‍♀️.

May 2024 bring a lot of happiness to you too, dear 🙃.

Hiii to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I've been better, what about you? Aww, I'm here, don't be sad 🥺. I missed you guys too 🥺.

I did and I was/am in love 😍. Tell your friend the snippet goes: “Can’t stop looking at her. Caught up in every curve. She knows she’s divine. I can’t take my eyes off her”. 😉

Hi to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I've been better, what about you?

Can I say it's both? 🤣 I'll explain myself better.

My story is based on true events that occurred from July 2016 onwards. It's based on the real them. Like, if I say that Camila likes a certain song, or that Lauren likes a specific food, or that they were wearing that dress, or that they did something specific during that day it's because it's true. It really happened and it's proven and “documented”. But it's obviously a fanfic, so I included things that didn't actually happen and fictional people that serve the purpose of the story. This is the AU part (for those who don't know what AU means: alternate universe/alternate timeline/alternative reality).

So, it's both? 🤣

Hi to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I've been better, what about you?

Taylor Swift is waaay more popular than either of them. Taylor Swift is pretty much the music industry, and yet, do you see her out and proud?

Some artists can come out, some can't. Many artists want to and can't for a million reasons which you can also go read in my PR stunt relationships - ɟ post. And then there are those who don't even want to do it and are super okay with that. Have you ever thought about that?

An advice, dear? Don't be so pressed about it. This is something that has been going on for years. If it happens, it will happen at the appropriate time for their careers and especially by choice in the case of those who don't wanna do it yet 💁🏻‍♀️.

P.S. Don't be so pressured about it especially because I know the truth, you know the truth, we know the truth, AND SHE KNOWS AND SAYS THE TRUTH: https://x.com/ijustshippeople/status/1793806403720618264?s=09&prefetchTimestamp=1716859323652 🎤🎶 This is for the gays and the girls and I'm both, thanks 🎶🎤

Alexa please play the post-chorus of We Know by Fifth Harmony 🤣.

Hi to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. Thanks 🥰 and please don't be sad 🥺 I'm here and I missed you guys too.

Well, considering that queerbaiting is a marketing technique and strategy, literally a bait, the answer is yes, my dear. But it's movies (like in Pitch Perfect), TV shows (like in Supergirl), and the media in general that do it, not celebrities. It's the people behind the scenes like celebrity teams that do it, and it has existed for years. An example? When Madonna kissed Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera at the 2003 MTV VMAs (Madonna is queer but Britney and Christina are not). Do you really think it wasn't premeditated by their teams? It's been 20 years and it's still a “scandal” today. The term queerbaiting didn't even exist at the time, yet that's exactly what happened 💁🏻‍♀️.

As for Mila, why is this so upsetting to you? Aren't there those out there who believe that she's really been with all the PRs? Aren't there those who believe that she's gay but that Camren never existed? Or those who, as you also said, believe that she's straight? Or those who don't even like Camila in the first place? And who cares? Let people think what they want, dear Anon. We don't all think the same way. Everyone has an opinion, and it's also right that it is like that. There's no need to be upset or sad or angry about it. The important thing is what you think and what you believe. Fuck the rest.

Hi to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I've been better, what about you?

Let's put it this way. Has it ever happened to you that someone, like your mom, or a friend, or a sibling if you have one, was angry with you but wouldn't tell you why? I can picture a mom saying “you know what you did”, but you have absolutely no idea 🤣. And what did you do in those cases? You were trying to remember and understand what you did, right? What if you couldn't? You had to get them to tell you why otherwise you would've continued to rack your brain and they would've continued to be angry.

Another example. Four people, four friends. Person number one tells a funny secret of theirs to two of them but not to the third one. The two who know the secret are chatting and laughing among themselves when the third one arrives, who curious about their laughter, asks what they're talking about. The two tell the third that they can't tell because it's person number one's secret. How do you think person number three feels about this? Left out, hurt, angry, and can't do anything but fantasize about this secret because, literally, they don't know what it is.

Babies don't talk, but moms try to understand their needs through their sounds, facial expressions, and body gestures/movements. My dog doesn't talk, but she sure as hell barks, growls, howls, groans, and whines. Those besides her tail, ears, eyes, her facial expressions, and her body posture are all nonverbal ways to communicate with her hooman mom 😍.

Communicating is the most important way for human beings to express and exchange ideas and thoughts. Without it, misunderstandings, disagreements, fights, and so on arise. You can apply this to all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones. So, what I'm trying to say with all this, is that no one can read minds. Camren are no different.

Ego, fears, insecurities, anxieties, constantly hurting one another, and other factors led to their closing up. But the problem wasn't only that they didn't open up to each other, but that they didn't talk at all. They didn't talk about their problems. And if they weren't talking, how could they understand what they were feeling or what they were thinking or what they needed or what was truly going on? It's normal that the not communicating has led them to close up and automatic to distancing. As they say, communication is the key.

I hope it makes sense now, my dear 😄, and to understand even better, you can go and read these analyses: Let Me Know (penultimate ask) - Always Love & This Love (the last two asks) - Consequences (penultimate ask).

Hii to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I've been better, what about you?

No bother, dear, don’t worry I’m happy to help 😉. Let's start by explaining the fake relationship in detail. And sorry for all the links, but since Tumblr has limited the possibility of posting more than 30 pics, I have to adapt 😤.

So. The “story” with Austin Kevitch (July 5, 1991,*same year I was born* 30 years old when they started “dating”) lasted only 8 months. It was born thanks to Nicholas Galitzine (Cinderella) because “Austin asked him to set him up with Camila”, and this not-at-all organized introduction because her team wasn't also there no 🤨🤣, took place at Mila's 25th birthday party (https://images.app.goo.gl/SWii7EJAgrX4dJuAA he has the same outfit https://twitter.com/justmyneverland/status/1717430804861858155).

First spotting and first speculations on June 15, 2022, in LA (https://images.app.goo.gl/6XVQsBaHbvo8rV3N8).

As I explained in my PR stunt relationships - ɟ https://fa-by.tumblr.com/post/648193061847023616/pr-stunt-relationships-%C9%9F post: “To give the couple more credibility, also friends, family, and artists friends of the couple get involved many times”. Indeed, on July 3, 2022, they were on the beach in Miami with a bunch of their friends. The press however already tried to create a scandal with articles about “a mysterious man” (https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-10978909/Camila-Cabello-goes-swim-hunky-mystery-man-beach-Coral-Gables.html). That was just a friend and Austin was there (she has the same swimsuit and earrings https://www.instagram.com/p/CkJHkKms_--/?igsh=MWlmcm1jM2pndGhsYg==). Just an excuse to get people talking more about her 🤷🏻‍♀️.

Usual mistakes that are made during PRs: on July 16, 2022, Austin was at a concert with his friends and a girl in particular (perhaps his real girlfriend) who he kissed during the evening (https://www.tiktok.com/@isleywalker23/video/7128998171874807045 & https://www.instagram.com/p/Cgo6sMxAeiM/?igsh=bmJqbmI5YmxkdjRi).

On July 27, 2022, they were together at the after-party of the third season premiere of HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL: THE MUSICAL (https://www.tiktok.com/@ccromancemusic/video/7125646229312244998).

On August 6, 2022, in San Diego with his friends (https://www.tiktok.com/@ccromancemusic/video/7129091570619403525?lang=it-IT).

On August 7, 2022, in LA. Actual official confirmation of their ‘story’ from the press (https://images.app.goo.gl/LyvKAcnbbAeXfhEc6)

On September 17, 2022, at the Coldplay concert (she was the opening act) in Bogota, Colombia (https://www.youtube.com/shorts/VYgsBRt4Lro). They weren't alone tho. In the video you can also very well see Sandra and Marielle (her friends who, like her parents, were with her for the whole tour and who saw the concert with them and whom she introduced to Dua Lipa), Patrick (makeup artist), and Gian Mitchell (her manager).

On September 20, 2022, arrived in Santiago, Chile, for the tour with the Coldplay (still cause she was the opening act) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0cBtgzYzak). And on the afternoon of the 22nd at the Mall Casa Costanera Center (https://www.fmdos.cl/musica/camila-cabello-en-chile-va-a-un-reconocido-mall-y-regala-entradas/).

On November 19, 2022, via Austin's sister's instastory: https://www.instagram.com/p/ClKHhXmM0J0/?igsh=cDlwM2JrMDh3ajJq.

On November 21, 2022, in LA when Mila duetted Liar with BLACKPINK's Jisoo (https://www.koreaboo.com/news/blackpink-jisoo-rose-jennie-lisa-camila-cabello-liar-born-pink-world-tour-unseen-footage-interaction-collaboration/), and in addition to some members of Mila's team, his friend and Lox Club co-founder Alec Lorraine was also there with them (https://www.instagram.com/jisooyaachu/reel/ClLLkhlgCT_/).

On November 17, 2022, out for dinner in LA (https://www.justjared.com/2022/11/18/camila-cabello-boyfriend-austin-kevitch-spotted-on-rare-outing-they-could-barely-control-their-laughter-photos/).

And lastly, during the trip to Africa with her family in early January 2023 (https://twitter.com/WWCamilaCabello/status/1611479321251663880). Last time seen together before the breakup.

End announced on February 15, 2023, via the newsletter of the Lox Club itself, which he owns:

Ended because “they couldn't balance their relationship with their schedules”.

Now, you said [I know you will say it’s PR but I don’t understand how…from what I have seen it was pretty low-key compared to Shawn’s and Matthew’s.]

Yes, it was PR, you can already tell by the fact that their pics are marked with Backgrid, and yes, it was pretty low-key because it had to be. The one with Matryoshka was pushed a bit more than this one, first of all, because it was her first one as an adult outside of 5H, and second of all, because it was supposed to represent her “first love” and her “first relationship”. The one with Shrimp, well 🤣, the friends-to-lovers crap. It's not comparable with anything because it's and will be for quite some time “her most important love story”. In Snape's voice (in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix during the legilimens spell): “I may vomit” 🙄.

The PR with Austin, again, was pretty low-key because it had to be. It had to be out there to get people talking just enough (I indeed don't think you knew all those details), but not completely in our faces. Something else had to continue to be in our faces. One of two reasons for this PR: Shawn Mendes Shall Menstruated.

Every headline or directly in the articles, every news always included his name: …before her relationship with Shawn Mendes – Shawn Mendes who? – …she moved on from her ex-Shawn Mendes – Shawn, are you okay? – …following her breakup from longtime boyfriend Shawn Mendes – What will Shawn Mendes think about… – Shawn Shawn Shawn Shawn Shawn Shawn Shawn Shawn FOR FUCK’S SAKE!! 🤨😑😒🙄

And indeed, what happened to the breakup with Austin? More news bombardments. And right after that? Coachella 🤢🤮 arm-in-arm with ‘June Gloom’.

ShitMila was all over our faces again on April 14, 2023 (until June 7, 2023, official news released by The Sun; luckily only 1 month and 24 days). On April 12, 2023, Mila recorded a snippet titled ‘CC JUNE GLOOM 041223b’ which she later posted on IG on April 19, 2023, and deleted a few hours later. The caption itself said 4.12, meaning April 12th when she recorded it as I just said. Of course that was the BIG confirmation that she was referring to Shitto. And then, among other things, where’s the logic of June Gloom in April? Does it even have any logic? Like their entire PR, nope.

Anyway, I told you the first reason for the PR with Austin. Now I'll explain the second one: attention and publicity. Again, as I explained in my PR stunt relationships - ɟ post: “A PR stunt relationship is nothing more than a PUBLICITY STUNT, as the word itself implies, aimed to get people and media attention”.

Imagine the various news as accessories to staying relevant. I can give you lots of examples, even quite recent ones:

Camila Cabello debuts red hair for the KU LO SA remix. Camila Cabello was seen stepping into sex shop Adam & Eve in West Hollywood. Camila Cabello and Drake papped together. Camila Cabello shared a new Instagram video showing off her new unrecognizable platinum blonde hair. Camila Cabello tried multiple hair colors and wigs before she settled on blonde. While walking the Met Gala red carpet, Camila Cabello shared her $22.5K handcrafted ice block purse and her gown, which Vogue reports weighed 15 pounds and was encrusted with 250,000 Swarovski crystals. Camila Cabello & Lil Nas X throw condoms at a gay bar to promote their new collaboration.

All that, all of it, is an ‘accessory’ to get people talking about her. To publicize HER first and foremost and to promote something else at the same time. Like, the sex toy shop example was an example to publicize only her as a person in general. A silly scoop to get the public talking about her. Why? Because it happened in January 2022 and she wasn't promoting anything at that time.

Why would something like that be used to publicize her, you may be wondering? Because a silly scoop like that, or another one like the platinum blond reveal she did before she even started the promo for I LUV IT, makes her stay relevant. Those types of publicity are purposely made to get the public to talk about celebrities and stay in their mouths even when they're not doing anything inherent in their careers. A way that seems stupid but that is actually very effective in ensuring that people don't ‘forget’ about them but keep up with them and their lives. Different, on the other hand, from the examples that serve to publicize her and something else at the same time, that is those for the songs KU LO SA and HE KNOWS in those examples. Those are more targeted.

Her PR with Austin was nothing more than another accessory like these. Again, low-key because it had to be, and because it was a light PR that was meant to contribute to the ‘love’ visibility and the promotion of some projects. I'll explain better.

[Also why she was in a relationship with him right after like with Shawn.] She didn't indeed. Almost 7 months passed.

Mila and Shapeless Mentality officially broke up on November 17, 2021. Since then, in addition to small projects, collaborations, brand promotion, events, and other non-major things, Mila was busy with the promotion of Familia (April 8, 2022) for pretty much the entire 2022. In between the continuation of the promotion of Familia and the start of the filming of The Voice, bam, Austin entered the scene. Precisely in the middle of these events: Wango Tango 2022, June 4, 2022 – Austin, June 15, 2022 – The Voice, start of filming on June 23, 2022.

Austin was the accessory she needed to get people talking about her love life in the midst of promoting all the other projects Mila had throughout the year. A small push in promoting Familia, The Voice, collaborations, and other small projects with brands aside, but above all, a way to create yet another fake narrative ‘she's moving on with someone else’ by always keeping Sandalwood in the mind of the public. Same thing with him in reverse btw: Shon Mentos with his cult Jocelyne Miranda, 51-year-old chiropractor to the stars, and with singer and actress Sabrina Carpenter.

They were basically making preparations for their return. These little side PRs of theirs, served their own PR (ShitMila). The fucked-up bullshit of the bullshit: “they realized how special their love story was and wanted to try again”. A reminder for the public to remember that they did try with other people, but no one else was comparable. Excuses and justifications for the narrative of their ‘story’ and their future songs to hide their real private lives.

I hope I've helped you understand how now, my dear Anon 🙃.

The link in the ask for those who want to see it: https://indepreneur.io/articles/5-reasons-never-sign-record-deal/

Hi to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄.

I can help you with 2 posts I wrote about the topic (read them in order): How the music world works and this one.

After reading the second post (come back here and read this 😄), I can add that:

X-Factor contracts usually have a duration ranging from 6-7 years minimum, to 9-10 years maximum. Through the individual contracts signed in the semi-final week (December 12/13, 2012), Syco obtained the exclusive right to sign a recording contract with Fifth Harmony. Connecting to those signed contracts, on January 17, 2013, 5H officially signed the contract as group members with Syco in collaboration with Epic (both Sony), to which Simco Ltd. gave the exclusive licensing rights for 5 albums that they should've completed in the duration of those 10 years (2012-2022). A 5-album deal is a 4+1. This means that a label has the ability to collect 4 studio albums (LPs), and the +1 could also be considered an EP.

Due to the 5-album agreement that 5H should’ve completed in the duration of what we fans initially hoped would be either 6 or 7 years (2012-2018 or 2019), it was believed that, initially the years would be 6 and therefore Better Together, Reflection, 7/27, Fifth Harmony (self-titled), and Camila (self-titled) were the end of that deal, and that the release of Camila (self-titled) completed the 4 contracted LPs. This meant that the girls were free from their group obligations with Epic/Syco and could either disband or go on hiatus, and pursue their personal options with other labels. But despite this being the case because on March 19, 2018, the group decided to take an indefinite hiatus to pursue solo projects, none of the 4 girls (LAND) released an LP.

Fast forward to a year later, we saw the first LAND member release something other than a single and a collaboration: an EP. The release of Dinah Jane 1 released on April 19, 2019, made people believe that the years of that agreement were actually 7 also because Romance was published the same year. It was therefore believed that Reflection, 7/27, Fifth Harmony (self-titled), Camila (self-titled), and Romance were the end of that deal and that Romance had completed the 5 contracted LPs because Better Together wasn't considered the +1 by the labels.

Fast forward again to 5H's 10th anniversary and therefore the 10-year (2012-2022) X-Factor contract, and none of LAND released an LP yet. But, Mila released Familia and left Epic Records that same year, which makes me think that that deal didn't even count Fifth Harmony (self-titled) as an LP when they renegotiated the terms for Camila's exit from 5H.

For those who don't know, among the various renegotiations made in March 2015 after Mila turned 18 there were:

1) the designation of Roger Gold as her manager and also as her attorney,

2) the abandonment of the FIFTH HARMONY PARTNERSHIP brand (explained in the second link),

3) the renegotiation of her original contract by signing a solo deal for music, distribution, and management also with Sony. The contract basically implied the same things as the one she signed with Syco Entertainment in 2013 (which I remind you that only she and Lauren signed – they could make music both individually and together with the group). Since then, Mila was under Syco Entertainment and Sony Music Entertainment, and Syco Music and Epic Records with Fifth Harmony, which were all owned by Sony in the first place anyway.

So this means that that new contract, not only stipulated that Mila would’ve stayed only one more year in the group as we already know, but that it was a 3-album solo contract that would’ve completed 5H's original deal for the 5 X-Factor contract's LPs. As a result of all this, 5H's original contract of 5-album (4+1) considered these as the 5 LPs: Reflection and 7/27 as a group, and Camila (self-titled), Romance, and Familia on Camila's part. Fifth Harmony (self-titled) was basically just an exit deal for LAND in the contract they re-signed as a quartet in 2017 with Sony Music.

In 2023 and therefore 10 years after the signing on January 17, 2013, none of LAND released an LP yet, but since after Familia and Camila's public exit from Epic in September 2022, all 5 of them are presumably free from any contractual restrictions they had with X-Factor and Epic musically speaking. Even though we had no LPs, we were still fed and the girls were all on the move: 1) Mila with Trolls 3, Rob Peace, and the album recording, 2) Laur with her second EP and the album recording, 3) Dinah with 3 songs (one of which with Ally) and the album recording, 4) Mani with Freaky Tales' end of shooting (in January 2023) and the album recording (she was also far too busy, rightly so, taking care of her parents who both had cancer), 5) Ally with a single, the Christmas EP, and the album recording despite having a complete and ready Spanish one but which is now in the vault.

Fast forward again to the present, 2024. Surprise-surprise, Laur, Dinah, and Ally are completing their LPs, Mani's ready to release Dopamine, her first LP, and Mila's ready to release C, XOXO, her fourth LP.

2023 basically served all 5 of them as a reorganization and a planning for their future, but LAND were already free to release LPs. They're ready now.

I hope I've helped you, my dear, and I hope you are well too 🙃.

Hiii to you too, dear Anon 👋🏼😄. I hope you're good too and about your ask, sure 😉.

So. I LUV IT ft. Playboi Carti released on March 27, 2024, is the first single for her fourth LP: C, XOXO. It's a hyperpop/experimental pop song and it samples Lemonade by Gucci Mane and interpolates Cockiness (Love It) by my queen RiRi (Rihanna). The studio recording with Carti was completed on Dec 17, 2023: (Carti's instastory)

Let me tell you something, this song was meant to shock. She pulled a Yes, and? and it worked 😎. For those of you who don't know what I'm referring to by that, I meant that Yes, and? was Ariana Grande's single for her album Eternal Sunshine and it's a diva house/dance-pop song, which was a different and unexpected genre especially then comparing it to the rest of the songs in the album when it was later released. It's a great song, but if it weren't for the concept that connects to two other songs, it would have nothing to do with the rest of the album musically and sonically speaking. It was a calculated idea to make it different from the rest. It's very smart and it's a good strategy for both a comeback and an album. I feel like I LUV IT is exactly the same thing. An impactful comeback was needed and this, together with the platinum blonde and the new era in general, served the purpose. The song was meant to be talked about for better or for worse. And guess what? Mission accomplished 😜.

This song is not for everyone. There are those who loved it right away, those who hated it and still do, and there are those who hated it and then slowly loved it. In reality, most people hated it and then loved it 🤣. I personally didn't hate it but I didn't love it right from the start either, not gonna lie. I just liked it 🤷🏻‍♀️. But after the third listen? Bouncing ass, tongue out, aaaand I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it 🤣!! This song is definitely a grower! The more you listen to it, the more you become addicted to it 😍.

But anyway. Unlike the video, the lyrics talk about sex. So let's get started. Oh and, of course, I won't include Carti's mumbled Atlanta rap or as his fans say, the Cartinese, simply because he wrote his part.

***Btw, I can no longer listen to Carti’s “Oh, you on the road now? - Oh, you grown now? - Oh, you too grown now” without bursting out laughing 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣. I can't help but hear Nas' imitation of Carti's voice in the HE KNOWS music video🤣🤣🤣. For me, those three sentences have now become just one repeated X3: “Oh, you on the floor now” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣***

Oh oh oh, last thing before starting. If you're a prude, LEAVE NOW. Skip the whole lyric analysis and go straight to the music video analysis. The song is about sex like I just said and I therefore won't hold back from explaining certain things, okay? I warned you 🙋🏻‍♀️. I don't wanna see complaints in the comments as happened years ago. Thank you.

Song

Verse 1:

“Supersonic, in your orbit”

So, supersonic. One word from which two derive: super and sonic. Super: above the rest, better than the rest. Sonic: derived from the Latin ‘sonus’ which means sound. Super-sound. Basically a loud noise, a sound/sonic boom that (the actual meaning of supersonic:) breaks the acoustic barrier by traveling at a speed faster than the one of sound. A flight can be supersonic. As well as a missile and even a gun bullet.

An orbit is an ever-changing path one object in space takes around another. An unscientific example? A dog with its favorite toy often orbits their owner insistently because they want to play with them. Speaking from personal experience here 🤣.

***Oh and, lil fun fact. In prostitution specifically, orbit was, and perhaps still is, a code word for oral sex***

Ultimately, “Supersonic, in your orbit” means that Mila is this supersonic boom, this let's even say supersonic shock that orbits around her prey. As I've said many other times in my analysis, Mila likes to use wordplay in her songs and this is basically her artistic way of explaining sexual provocation. She's provoking her target.

“And I’m bad, diabolic”

It's giving intense energy and mischief out of the ordinary 😜. She knows she's good at it (provocation). She has a goal (to sleep with her) and succeeds because we have the aftermath of her intent in the next sentence.

“Bottle rocket, on the carpet”

Her favorite lyrics because many people didn't grasp the meaning 🤣. Definition of bottle rocket: a firework typically consisting of a cylindrical case that is partly filled with combustible material and fastened to a guiding stick which may be placed in a bottle to control the direction of the rocket's launch.

In this case, in sex, bottle rocket is the representation of cuming hard in an explosive way.

Rockets have a phallic shape, so the first thing that's assumed here is that it's the sperm that's on the carpet, also because the song acts as straight 🙄, but where's the deception? Even girls can give someone a bottle rocket. How? By being an explosion and not a normal female cum orgasm, with female ejaculation also known as squirting.

Ergo, she's talking about herself. This song is not about sex with a guy and I can even prove that with the next sentence.

“Threw it back and he caught it”

Round two, doggy-style position. Movements: “Threw it back” her ass “and she caught it” with the hands by placing it directly back on the face aka mouth-tongue (clue about the lil fun fact I mentioned earlier) or by directing the entrance of the cave of wonders on the dildo (since Camren loves toys so much 😜🤣🤭). But, given the “he” because, again, the song acts as straight 🙄, the meaning should make you think of the guiding on the dick. But no. As I said before, I can prove it.

When guys cum, it literally takes them a while before they can go again. Some need 10/15 minutes, others hours or directly the next day because they literally physically can't. It's rare anyway that they manage to go beyond the second round (unless they're in the midst of adolescence and are like 14/15 years old 🤣), and those who miraculously can make it, also last very little and their cum is also very little. And mind you, I'm not saying these things to belittle men. I'm not making anything up. It's the pure truth. Not only have I experienced it myself (cause yes, hi 👋🏼, I've been with my gf for 3 years but I'm bisexual and I've had relationships before her), but these are facts that you can even look up if you don't believe me.

It's obviously not the same for all guys and they're all different, but us girls literally need 5 seconds or nothing at all to recover, and we don't have limits like they do. Unlike males, we females can have multiple orgasms. Sexual arousal and orgasm are possible again right away. So no. It's impossible she was talking about a guy.

If she was really talking about a guy, it's impossible that immediately after his Bottle rocket, on the carpet (yet another proof that Mila was talking about her cuming, her squirting) he didn't need some enough available time for round two (Threw it back and he caught it). Let’s move on 💪🏼.

“I go soprano, baby, go down low”

Soprano in music is the highest note, so in this case, going soprano means she's screaming with pleasure. And in her euphoric state, she guides her partner back down there into her buried treasure.

“And when he leads, I gotta follow”

The movements. Like in dance. In partner dancing, there are those who lead and those who follow. They're designed roles to facilitate the movements. The one who leads manages the body of the one who follows and decides the dance steps and direction of travel from time to time.

The thing that makes me laugh about this part is the “when he leads”. “When” 🤣🤣🤣. Because she's the top and she's the one who leads most of the time because Laur's the bottom (even though they're both also switch) so when Lo leads, when, sometimes, occasionally, I gotta follow 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. Oh Mila 🤦🏻‍♀️🙈🤣.

“I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral”

She feels out of control (spiral) because the ending is so beautiful that it almost makes her lose consciousness (blackin’ out).

“I need you now and tomorrow”

And forever.

I’d also like to add a deeper meaning of sex to I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral – I need you now and tomorrow. Although she said the song is about sex, she also said:

“Part of that cocktail is also the emotional drama between you and that person, and the chaos and butterflies and nerves and passion. It’s unsustainable and not peaceful and exhausting, but also, I LUV IT.” – “Now I feel kind of lonely and small and weird, but at the same time, I’m an adult and I feel so strong in other areas of my life, but not this one. There’s just the wrestling of those feelings without it being kind of neat or in a box. You can’t really say that it’s a sad song, you can’t really pin it down. It’s just kind of me wrestling with these feelings and me kind of being really present on a particular feeling and exploring it. I feel like a lot of songs on the album are that”.

So going deeper, “I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral” indicate her anxiety. Being on a spiral or simply spiraling, is an emotional state that rapidly worsens in a way that becomes increasingly difficult to control and often leads to short-term periods of anxiety or depression. Aka her OCD gets triggered. Which by the way, I remind you that for her leads to obsessions and repetitive thoughts. And in a certain way, we can also see it in the repetition of the same phrase in the chorus.

So here she's saying: 1) I’m blackin’ out, aka I'm going crazy, I'm freaking out (connection/thing that reminds me a lot of “Am I out of my head? Am I out of my mind?” Bad Things [analysis here (eleventh ask)]) 2) I’m on a spiral, aka I'm anxious, distressed, worried, fearful. Why? Because I don't wanna lose you aka 3): I need you now and tomorrow. This alludes to the desire for connection and intimacy that goes beyond sex.

Both meanings (sexual and deeper) however indicate the intensity of her uncontrollable and erratic emotions towards as she said “that person” Lauren. But she doesn't care. “It’s unsustainable and not peaceful and exhausting, but also, I…?” She…? She what? Sing it all together🎤🎵🎶👇🏼👇🏼👇🏼:

Chorus:

“I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, ooh

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it, I luv it

I luv it, I luv it, I luv it”

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7…...

27. 27……

27 times, huh? 😜 What a wonderful coincidence! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 of all the numbers, precisely the 27. Would you look at that 🤣🤣.

No seriously tho. The words have to fit and respect the tempo of the song, but coincidence or not it's still funny for me 🤭.

Post-Chorus 1:

“Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts (X2)

Lemons in their face, watch ’em freeze up (x2)”

This part was sampled from the song Lemonade by Gucci Mane. Lemons are basically yellow diamonds (known as Canary Diamonds) cut/engraved in the shape of the letter V (an expensive method of cutting diamonds).

The meaning behind that would be that people would “freeze up” in shock at seeing this display of wealth and success, these lemons/diamonds, “in their face”s. They're oh so surprised and intimidated that they even freeze up for this luxury lifestyle thrown in their faces.

Umm………. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Do we really care? Of that? Okay 🤣. About something she didn't even write? Something that she literally took copied and pasted into the song? Pfft, okay. Can we move on? Thank you 🤣.

Verse 2:

“Super twisted, sick addicted”

Twisted: someone who's mentally or emotionally unhealthy or disturbed: sick. -> Sick addicted: someone who's unable to stop doing something as a habit. Ergo, she's saying that she likes/enjoys it a lot and wants to spend as much time as possible doing what they're doing: sex.

Nonsexual meaning: She's using strong words to describe not only herself but also what their relationship is like. They may be twisted, and addicted, and toxic, and all the other things we've seen in their songs, but no matter what, she/they LUV IT, cause they luuuv each other.

“Kiss me hard, someday you’ll miss this”

A dig for all those times they break up or take breaks.

“Meteor shower, in your power”

What's a meteor shower?

The meteor shower is nothing other than what we commonly call shooting stars. These are obviously not stars, but meteors. Meteors are the aftermath of asteroids and comets that ORBITATED the SUN.

Asteroids (celestial bodies composed of rocky bodies) and comets (celestial bodies composed of frozen gases) become meteoroids when they fragment. In turn, meteoroids ignite and disintegrate when they enter our solar system, becoming meteors, ergo shooting stars. Those that don't disintegrate and manage to touch the earth's ground instead become meteorites.

How does a meteor shower happen?

The meteor shower happens when the earth, in its ORBIT around the SUN, crosses an area in which fragments of rock and dust (meteoroids) lost from a comet or an asteroid (celestial bodies made of rock, dust, and ice coming from the outermost areas of the solar system) are concentrated. When an asteroid and a comet heat up as they pass close to the sun, they reach such temperatures that they fragment even more (meteoroids) and when these very tiny fragments enter our atmosphere, they ignite and burn due to friction by generally developing tails, luminous trails (shooting stars) until they vaporize or leave debris (meteorites) behind.

Lil fun fact: some meteorites found on earth come from the MOON 🤭🤣. Most come from destroyed comets and asteroids, but some come from Mars or the moon.

So, after this compelling little science lesson, I can explain what Mila means by “Meteor shower, in your power”.

It's very simple actually. A meteor shower is a celestial event. She's comparing their sex to this astronomical phenomenon, the “Meteor shower”. The “in your power” is due to the fact that Lo’s the one who’s leading as we saw in “And when he leads, I gotta follow” in the first verse.

“Seein’ stars, oh my God”

The retina sends light signals to the brain by making sparks, stars, or flashes of light appear in the visual field. When does this happen? It usually has to do with the head. You've made a movement too fast, like standing up suddenly, or you've been hit on the head, or you're about to lose consciousness, etc. These are all negative aspects, but we're talking about something positive here. Sex.

This amazing sex (Meteor shower), this second round (Threw it back and she caught it), brings her to another orgasm (maybe even another Bottle rocket 🤷🏻‍♀️😏) during which she feels so bewildered, so dizzy, and she experiences this very surreal feeling that overwhelmed her by even Seein’ stars during it. Seein’ stars: to climax, to achieve orgasm.

This can very well be connected with ““I’m blackin’ out, I’m on a spiral” She feels out of control (spiral) because the ending is so beautiful that it almost makes her lose consciousness (blackin’ out)” that I explained earlier.

Oh and, the “oh my God” was her, um 🤣, comment, to express that ending if it wasn't already obvious enough 🤣.

Bridge:

“Slow down, baby”

All of Playboi Carti's “Uh, uh, uh, uh” before Mila's “Slow down, baby”, at least to me, indicate the thrust of the act. Again, he “sings” them to prove the song is straight 🙄, but we know the truth. Anyway. The “Slow down, baby” means exactly that. Either Mila's settling down from the end of round two and needs a tiny bit more time to go as fast as they were going before, or she simply wants this third round to go at a slower pace than the previous one, or better yet, Slow down, baby like in ‘stop, it's my turn now’ (to lead).

Another proof that this doesn't talk about sex with a guy. As I said before, it's rare for guys to get beyond 2 rounds, so let alone a third one 🤣. Sorry, not sorry, but it's literally the truth 🤣.

And that's it. I luv the fact that Camila's lyrics in this song talk about sex but she uses words that still perfectly capture the magnetic attraction between the two of them. I luv how she's quite unapologetic about it. And I LUUUV how she also used these cosmic references in general, but above all, how they anyway hide in a certain way the two important celestial bodies in our sky and solar system: their representation, aka the moon and the sun.

Now let's move on to the music video where everything that could go wrong happens 👍🏼🤣. What is she trying to convey here? Let's find out.

Music video

Opening scene. A Robin Hood wannabe who takes coins from his pocket.

Three empty stationary police cars in a driveway while an aspiring lumberjack cop is, for what initially appears to be, cutting down a tree to prepare for winter.

KhaleesiMila enters the scene 5 seconds before she starts singing. She looks like she just came back home from the night before given her outfit and her slightly messy hair. But not her makeup. The makeup is perfect of course because it's still a music video 😉.

She enters the kitchen with a chocolate cake in one hand while with the other she nonchalantly tosses her heels in a spot where it's very usual for us girls to leave them 🤣: at the doorway or in the bedroom on the kitchen counter. She starts singing and eating a piece of chocolate cake at the same time.

At the same moment as the first bite of the cake, we have a really well-done perfect transition of her spitting her mouthguard out in a somewhat snobbish but challenging and provocative way because she's ready to fight against a professional female wrestler.

Soon after we have a 3-second split shot of her chewing the cake in the kitchen again and her and Carti in the gas station, before cutting to a long one where we have the reappearance of the archer from the opening scene.

From this moment on, all the small shots, the little introductions that we initially had, are explained a little bit more extensively with longer scenes and shots. Still messy 🤣, but longer.

Hospital part 1

Now that we see the surroundings, we notice how Legolas wannabe is in the corridor of a hospital and that the coins he took from his pocket in the opening scene, he needed them to get something like a chocolate bar from the vending machine. After taking it, he walks back to a white-dressed Mila who's sitting with an arrow in her heart.

A flash passed before my eyes and for a moment I was back in 2019. Why? Liar. The cover art picture of the song portrays her as an angel with wings. Camila explained that Cupid strikes her with his bow to make her fall from heaven and unmask her, by making her not so angelic anymore because she's actually a liar who's hiding something, that is a secret [hmm, I wonder which one 😏😎🤫🤐🤣]. This whole story created for the song inspired the visual for the entire album Romance (whole album inspired by the surrealism of a museum of love stories in heaven).

So I asked myself, what is this? A connection to Romance but direct to Liar? No. I'd say more that she paid homage to it since even though the lyrics are about sex, the ideology of the video is about their toxic relationship and how she knows it's toxic but she LUVs IT anyway.

Anyhow, I guess that at the arrow in the heart scene, you all thought that the Green Arrow wannabe was Cupid. Same thing here, mostly because of the connection with Liar. I initially thought: “Oooh, it's Cupid! Cupid shot her with his arrow, ergo she's in love. But she's lovesick, and because of this the hospital: love - sick”. Then I saw the whole scene (plus the ending which I'll explain, well, at the end 🤣) and I realized: “Nope. Not Cupid. Not Cupid at all. Hi, Lauren 👋🏼”.

***Let's be clear. This is a music video. A creative and imaginative way of portraying objects, people, and scenarios in general. Yes, it's Camila's POV, but Lauren isn't that bitchy and dickish in real life. Okay? Every artist does it. It's art. Literally, as the word implies.***

So, back to the scene. Rewind. Lauren Hawkeye wannabe takes the candy bar from the vending machine and goes back to Mila. *This is the point where I got to before.* He doesn't even look at her. He just sits. Contrary to her who follows him with her gaze as he sits down and she also turns her head to look at him one more time before looking straight ahead.

That chocolate bar or whatever the fuck it is, it's not even for her. He took it for himself without even having the thought of taking it for her or taking something for her as well. I mean he's like, he's there for her. He went with her and he accompanied her also because he hit her with an arrow. Like yeah, we know that. We can see that. But even though he's there for her, he at the same time doesn't acknowledge or address her at all. He's just there. Present and not. Waiting for her turn.

While she, even smiles with her mouth closed as he's returning to her, but it's a smile I'd say forced. A kind of smile that masks how uncomfortable she feels. It's a wan smile that shows no energy or enthusiasm. It's a stoical ‘grin-and-bear-it because you're used to it after all’ kind of expression. That smile alone makes you understand how ‘normal’ this situation is for her. She's so used to it that it's a standard routine for her. It doesn't come as a surprise.

In a situation like this one, in a hospital, with an arrow in the chest/heart, anger or pain or both reactions are what you expect to be shown by her. But no. She's just there. Waiting for her turn.

Meaning behind this? The arrow in the heart represents a metaphorical way to express the idea that love can be both powerful and overwhelming, capable of causing joy and pain in equal measure. In this case however, the arrow in the heart doesn't represent a tender sweet and romantic symbol of Cupid and Valentine's Day. It represents a heart-piercing emotional pain. In this case, that arrow is nothing more than a heart-stopping arrow through the heart.

Fight & Dogs

In the next scene we have the professional female wrestler again. Like when she spat her mouthguard out in the opening brief shot, Mila continues to have this defiant attitude *she’s so hot there btw 🤤🥵*. She shows herself as very self-confident with this superior aura and this cockiness that gives off an ‘I can kick your ass’ vibe. All of this flies out the window the moment the wrestler makes her move against her and Mila shits in her pants and starts running away 🤣.

At the same time that she starts running, we have another perfect transition of a running dog. Then we have another very brief shot of her continuing to eat the cake in the kitchen, before alternating the fight with the wrestler and not just one dog running randomly, but her being chased by no less than three dogs 🤣.

These two scenes are connected on the part of running for your life. Literally as far as the dogs are concerned 🤣. And speaking of the dogs, the scene represents the danger and risks of being in love with someone. It represents all the feelings of chaos that go along with it. It represents feeling afraid and helpless with a constant internal battle of anxiety and fear. Being chased by dogs is stressful, scary, and unpleasant, BUT, it's even adrenaline-pumping and the depiction of it, is basically like an excited nightmare that represents not knowing where things are leading. Running into the unknown. She's scared but she does it anyway because the journey is electrifying.

Going back and talking about the scene with the wrestler, the running scared to avoid the actual physical fight is the representation of avoiding the confrontation. And that's something we know Mila does thanks to both her and Lauren. We also know this because in 2016 she herself said that she avoids conflicts with people. It's a vice/bad habit that she's always had.

BUT, no matter how much she tries to run away and avoid this confrontation, it always happens. Sooner or later, she eventually always finds herself having to face the problem unwillingly or not. The representation of this in the video is when she's captured. We actually see this section almost at the end of the video after Carti’s “🎵tursin-eh-oh-and-halloh-eh-halloh-eh-halloh-I'm out o-controool🎵” 🤣🤣🤣. We see the wrestler chasing and catching Mila, which leads to the headlock wrestling move.

Now let's talk about this section with the headlock that we see both at the end and currently in the first chorus of the part of the video where we are. Specifically this one here. We see several headlocks in sequence, but the one I want to focus on is the second one, where the wrestler is enacting the chokehold with only one arm.

*HA! GAAAAAAAAY! meme*

Like, umm… 🤭 The way you caress her arm and look at her, and the way you sing “I luv it” with your tongue sticking out in that seductive way 🔥 I mean... Mila, honey…😏 I see you! 🤣

No wonder in the BTS of the video she said: “I've been the most excited for this scene all day”. Hmm 🤔, I wonder why is that 🤣🤣🤣. Just as I'm not surprised by the other clue she gave in the interview with Bru On The Radio when talking about the scene: “It's like a little homoerotic. It's cool! But um- * she bursts out laughing by looking to the side* -yeah”.

Homoerotic: 1) (especially of art, literature, drama, or the like) using symbolism, allusions, situations, etc., that invoke sexual attraction or activity between people of the same gender. Example: There's definitely some homoerotic subtext in that book. 2) having sexual attraction to people of one's own sex or gender, especially when that attraction is repressed. Example: To say a man has a “streak of lavender” means that he has homoerotic desires. 3) relating or involving sexual activity between people of the same sex. Specifically: marked by, revealing, or portraying sexual desire between people of the same sex.

I have nothing else to add, Your Honor. I have nothing else to add 😎🤣.

No but seriously now. She doesn't act that way during the other headlocks. In those, she tries to fight back and somehow defend herself by trying to free herself. We see her react in a rather normal way to that type of situation. But in that particular hold? Nope 🤣. We can see how much she likes it. How attracted and aroused she is. The reactions she has during the other headlocks represent her external side, what really happens and what she lets see. While in that particular one, we see the toxicity of what happens in her inner part. The “I luv it” to the choking which on a larger scale, represents her toxicity in loving the pain. Even though they're fighting and she hates the confrontation and is in pain, she LUVs IT anyway because she luvs HER.

***Mind you that this is only an additional representation and seen in a more generic way. I don't see it as fitting to the theme of the music video as much as the one I've already explained to you now.*** A broader meaning could also be the representation of how the love for Lauren is so strong that she can't fight it. We've seen this other times in the lyrics of songs like This Love [analysis here (the penultimate ask)] and Señorita [analysis here (the last ask)] where Mila was having an inner struggle because, on the one hand, she wanted to protect her feelings, and on the other, she couldn't resist her. Ergo, the scene where she tries to fight this love, the professional wrestler, but she loses and thus is ultimately defeated.

House

Next scene we have her continuing to eat the chocolate cake plus this guy who comes in and rides around her house on his motorcycle and she does nothing.

Let's dwell for a moment on her eating.

Where have we seen something like this before (besides the reality of everyday life)? In every damn movie and TV show since forever 🤣. Someone is sad for some X reason like they had a fight with someone, or they're going through a breakup, and what do they do? They eat either something chocolate or ice cream. 90% of the time it's something chocolate related. Why? Because when consumed, it releases endorphins in the brain that produce a mild feeling of euphoria by mimicking the feeling of being in love. This is why chocolate is called the love drug. It gives comfort and joy and when we're down, we emotionally crave chocolate because we're unsatisfied with something.

Her eating chocolate cake in this case is an indication of unsatisfied desires and emotional needs.

Now let's go back to the guy with the motorcycle. He's destroying everything in his path and she's simply there, munching on her cake unbothered. He's causing a mess but she doesn't even try to stop him. She doesn't get angry, she doesn't scream, nothing. And why? Because as I said before by talking about that type of smile in the hospital, this situation is ‘normal’ for her. She doesn't react simply because she's used to it. The chaos of their relationship doesn't surprise her also because, I mean, it's been years and years.

The house depicts her head and what happens in it. Him destroying the house is a representation of how she sees his bringing chaos into her life and their relationship. On a deeper level, her not reacting to the destruction of the house represents the fact that she's so in love that she ignores bad and toxic behaviors. The whole scene represents the toxicity and destruction that a relationship can bring into your life but you keep trying because you LUV IT. Lauren brings love, happiness, passion, euphoria, but she also brings chaos which also encompasses mess, confusion, disarray, whether all good or bad. We also saw this type of example in the lyrics of Consequences [analysis here (penultimate ask)].

Successively we have a mix of scenes, among which are the cop one of the opening scene, the car one, and the bathroom one.

Palm tree

We can finally see that this aspiring lumberjack cop is chopping this palm tree because Camila is on top of it.

Now, I have two interpretations for this. The palm tree represents Lauren/their toxic love in both interpretations.

N° 1, she's stuck on the tree. Being stuck represents her way of saying that there's no way out of their toxic relationship even though someone (represented by the cop) or more than someone (since there are 3 police cars even though we only see one cop) tries to get her out of this situation.

N° 2, the one I see as the most truthful, the most right one. She's not stuck on the tree. Mila is Walzing it 🤣🤣🤣 (for those who don't know, Dinah used to call Mila ‘Walz’ and here you can find the reason why the nickname was born). Her koalaing the tree also represents her co-dependence. She's clinging to it and doesn't want to let go.

She's on the very high point of the tree; visual meaning: danger. If she were to fall, she would die or be seriously injured. But she doesn't care. She's ready to risk her life. Deeper for the representation: her love is so strong, that she's ready to risk it (“I'll risk it all”, as we've already seen in Used to This [part of the interpretation that you can find in the analysis of Only Told the Moon here]). She's ready to risk everything/risk it all even if she were to lose her heart and if it were to affect even her mental and physical health as we've already seen in the lyrics of Consequences.

Even in this case, the cop represents someone or more than someone in her life who tries to get her out of this situation. They use extreme ways to do this, representative of getting her down: cutting down the tree. Why? Why doesn't this cop who clearly knows that this person is experiencing some kind of problem call the fire truck to bring a ladder to save her since that's what's normally done in these situations? Or he doesn't go directly and find one himself? Why doesn't he talk to her and try to reason with her to get her down?

Because it's not the first time this has happened. The cop (her family, her friends) is so used to and tired of seeing their on-again, off-again/cycle/loop/circle, that he decides to help her in a more brutal way in this case. Representation: chopping down the tree. It doesn't matter tho. It doesn't matter that other people try to help her in hard ways. She doesn't wanna lose her, and therefore she depicts how even though she knows it's a toxic relationship, she's clinging (codependent) to it and continues to love her because she doesn't want to depart/separate herself no matter what. Reason why we even see her singing “I luv it” while she’s glued to the tree.

Car

Speaking of falling (and how these two scenes are connected). Instead of that tree, here we see her having fallen over a car. Part of the car is destroyed, as is she. It's a representation of being in love and how it can sometimes destroy you. But again, we even see her singing “I luv it” because she doesn't care. She doesn't care about falling and being crushed by/for her. They've taken a lot of risks over the years. They've suffered, they've hurt each other, and they've fallen down and gotten up every single time. And those wounds, in the video are represented as real wounds with cuts, bruises, gashes, and all that jazz.

She doesn't even care when we, the public and the fans, see her destroyed like that. We've seen it many times, especially after years and years spent growing up in the public eye. By this, I'm obviously referring to the woman who's immortalizing the scene with her phone. Although that, it's also a representation of what would actually happen in today's world: instead of helping or calling an ambulance, the woman is filming or taking pics.

Bathroom & Bedroom

Contrary to the connection that the tree and the car scenes have, this one is connected to the ones of the dogs and the professional female wrestler.

We first see her in the bathroom. She looks in the mirror and even lifts her shirt up to look at her belly. Let's say normal things that we all do, and so far, nothing strange. Then we also see her perplexed and undecided tho (when she sighs with her finger in her mouth). And we see her rehearsing. We see her change her expression to a determined one and make the gun gesture with the fingers of her hand.

***Sorry but I have to tell you guys 🤣🤣🤣. I found it extremely funny how she made the gun gesture with her fingers precisely at “someday you’ll miss this”. THIS and bam: fingers out 😏😎🤣. I'm sorry, I'm sorry 🤣🤣 one day she'll miss, what, Mila? Your gay fingers?🤣🤣🤣 Oooooookay 😉🤣***

Back to normal. All that represents her mentally preparing herself, and for what? For what we then see in the bedroom. Before heading there, we can see her expression of determination but more importantly, we can see her pissed-off expression.

She walks into the bedroom with this imaginary automatic machine gun that she uses to shoot and destroy the bed. As she does that, the footage also shows us the rest of the room, and what do I spy with my little eye 🧐? A frame hanging on the wall. And what's in that frame? Five boys with the word ‘sorry’ written on their backs. Wait a second, wait a second… FIVE???? 😲 Five as a reference to Fifth Harmony? 😱 Five as in 5H because it's a hidden clue to confirm that she's talking about Lauren? 🤯 WHAAAAAT??? 😵

Yes, guys, yes. For those who haven't noticed, the answer is yes. Camila doesn't do things shittily. There's always meaning in the things she does, whether it's hidden or not. And if anyone tries to tell you otherwise or something different about that clue, don't be fooled. Why 5? Explain the 5 otherwise? They could've used a thousand different things like, for example, an apology/sorry note left on the bedside table, or even just one guy with sorry on his back in that frame since all of this is supposed to be straight and about a guy 🙄. But no. They used FIVE of them specifically.

Moving on.

The rehearsals she was doing in the bathroom that we later saw lead to the destruction of the bed with the imaginary automatic machine gun, were all due to Mila being pissed off about something Laur had done. Something we know thanks to the not-so-hidden apology message in the frame. Now I don't know about you 🎤🎶but I'm feeling 22 🎶🎤 sorry but I had to 🤣 but I know that even though Camila is magical, she doesn't really have powers 🤣. So even though this is the representation of her being pissed at Lo, she didn't actually shoot the bed. It was all in her head. She was just imagining doing it. Yeah, she was angry, but we also know that she'd run away in reality to try to avoid conflicts as we saw in the scene with the dogs and in the scene with the wrestler (aka Laur herself), during which, however, we also saw that the wrestler captures her and that therefore Mila was then forced to face.

Hospital part 2

During the mix of these three scenes (Palm Tree - Car - Bathroom & Bedroom) just discussed, we have two small shots of Mila in the hospital. The first during “oh my God” and the second during “I luv it”.

We see her looking in one direction before saying “oh my God”. It's an exasperated “oh my God” because no one's assisting her yet.

She sings “I luv it” by tapping her finger to her temple in rhythm but we can see how impatient she's starting to get for the wait. Yeah, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, she luvs it, but she's irritated and frustrated.

Gas station

Mila and her friends pull over into this gas station. A guy with long hair immediately approaches to serve them, but instead of refueling the car as we normally expected, he does it to them. He takes the pump and fills their glasses with gasoline, even though we know very well that it was actually nothing more than “some disgusting water-down apple juice”, according to Mila herself.

All this during “Lemons on the chain with the V-cuts (X4) - Lemons in their face, watch ’em freeze up (x4)” Oh well, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade Camila Cabello drinks gasoline 🤣. Sorry, sorry 🤣. Joking aside now.

Drinking alcohol produces euphoria. It's stimulating, exciting, and lowers inhibitions and control. It's intoxicating, and although this word usually indicates something positive, it can also represent something negative especially when associated with alcohol. Drinking alcohol is intoxicating in a good way, but if done too much, it's intoxicating in a harmful way. In this case, alcohol is the representation of another hyperbolic metaphor. It's yet another concept represented in an exaggerated way. Gasoline, fuel, or whatever the hell it was, is obviously toxic. Ingesting it is dangerous. It's yet another representation of their toxic relationship and tendencies and how she doesn't care going against all common sense because she LUVs IT.

There would also be another possible meaning behind this scene due to Playboi Carti's verse. He talks about drugs (Novocaine and Mary Jane), luxury cars (Lamborghini Aventador SVJ), and rebellious life in general.

Novocaine is a drug used as a local anesthetic normally by dentists. Mary Jane is the literal English translation of the name Marijuana. Spanish: Maria/Mari. English translation: Mary. Spanish: Juana. English translation: Jane. Ergo, Marijuana: Mary Jane. In the past when drug users talked about marijuana, they called it Mary Jane so as not to arouse police suspicion.

I explained all this because specifically his talk about drugs made me think of a different possible meaning behind this scene. You see in the US, many drug dealers operate out of gas stations. Mila and her friends are getting gas at the gas station. In slang, ‘gas’ is a noun made popular by rappers to refer to weed/marijuana.

It might be that the scene has both meanings. Alcohol for her and drugs for him. Who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️. Maybe we would've seen it for real if Carti hadn't arrived late for the video shoot. But anyway.

Right after that, we have the dance scene. I have two interpretations for that even here. Both true.

The first one: Don't expect me to say sweet and predictable things like that she's dancing hypnotized because she's drunk on love 🤣. Nope. The blindfold is supposed to represent how blinded she is by love and shit, right? The typical phrase ‘love is blind’ that makes someone unable to see the flaws of the person they love. True, but at the same time in her case, bullshit tho. Buuuullshit! Because we saw throughout the video how she's aware of everything.

She chose to put the blindfold on and dance freely whether it's just for fun or distraction or to literally dance the pain away. She chose to put it on to ‘not see’ the flaws, the toxicity, and all the negative things. She knows. She knows they're there. It's just her choice to ignore them because, once again, she doesn't care because she luvs it and her.

The second one: Based on the getting gas in the previous shot, whether it's just alcohol or whether it's also marijuana, that's why right after that scene we see Carti with his hoodie backwards before he starts singing and Mila and the girls dancing together blindfolded with X’s over their eyes. It represents the beginning of the effect. 😵: literally the dizziness of drunkenness and/or stonedness. In a deeper way, it represents love being a drug/addiction to live to the fullest (dancing).

Again whether it's just alcohol or weed, that's also the reason why at the end of the video they're both comfortable and relaxed in eating calmly as if they don't have a care in the world (despite the video being completely the opposite). Both alcohol and weed increase hunger and appetite, sometimes leading to strange and uncontrollable cravings. That represents half to almost the end of the effect.

Hospital part 3

She's still waiting. She's still waiting for someone to help her remove that fucking arrow from her chest. The whole reason she's been there waiting for probably hours. Nurses even walk past in front of her but still no one assists her. As before, she's still annoyed, but now she's also discouraged and sad. Not only that, but the male version of a Katniss Everdeen wannabe is also gone. Representation of a breakup or one of their breaks. Mila's alone, and suddenly, the wound begins to bleed.

In this case, the arrow through her heart symbolizes feeling emotionally hurt. Since loving someone is not always a walk in dreamland, but it also consists of twists and turns and can really fucking hurt you, here we see how her heart starts dripping blood. The bleeding can also represent how toxic relationships leave you in the end. Again, love is pain but she LUVs IT.

Thing more important, the wound begins to bleed because she's no longer with her. It didn't do it the entire time Laur was with her, but her heart started to bleed in pain only after she left. Representation of how her heart, although already wounded (arrow) by her/for her, cannot bear to be without her (bleeding). As I also explained in my This Love’s interpretation, the choice over the years has often been between having her and suffering, or not having her at all, and as we know, she always chose her.

The end

So, that was the music video. It gave me Miami and Florida. It gave me GTA and crack house feelings 🤣. It gave me wildness and adrenaline. It gave me roller coaster. It gave me college students traveling for the holidays/Spring Breakers movie. *For those who don't know what I'm talking about 👇🏼*

Especially here https://www.instagram.com/reel/C59su9PJ7f2/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA== with this promo.

*Last minute edit: she just said Spring Breakers is one of the inspired aesthetics for the new era*

She in specific, gave me addicted to pain. She gave me impulsiveness. She gave me a fast-paced lifestyle, full of passion, desire, and disregard for consequences. She gave me vibe. She gave me boujee. She gave me dance. She gave me actress and humor as has also happened in other videos in the past (although less than those ones) such as for example Havana, Liar, My Oh My, Bam Bam, Don’t Go Yet, etc. (it's not the first time Camila's been in ridiculous situations in her videos). She gave me chaos begets chaos, and in order to maintain sanity, one must embrace the insanity. Or in her case, a palm tree 🤣🤣🤣.

I mean, all in all and in its complexity, I really enjoyed it. She said the theme of the video is chaos and danger, and we saw that. In the interview with Bru On The Radio, still talking about the video, she said: “This complex feeling of loving the pain of something, or loving the messiness of something, or loving the chaos of something, really kind of like finding the beauty in that part of our humanity”. And we saw that too.

And as if it wasn't clear enough already, the video is an artistic representation of the toxic tendencies and behaviors of their toxic relationship in general throughout all these years. And yes, their as in both of them, not just her as in Lauren's. I told you guys in the beginning that it's Camila's POV and I explained that Lauren isn't that bitchy and dickish in real life, but we don't just see Laur's toxic tendencies and behaviors from Mila's POV in the video. We actually see Mila's a lot more. Let me explain.

We saw how Laur brings chaos into Mila's life and their relationship (house scene). She's hurt her (shot her with an arrow through the heart), she doesn't acknowledge her in the hospital, and she also leaves at the end. The leaving her there (breakup or break) in those conditions as well as not taking something for her too from the vending machine is a neglect; another trait of a toxic relationship. That's all. That's what we see as far as Lauren is concerned. Mila on the other hand…

She's the one who's unbothered, especially in the beginning, in having an arrow in her heart, aka being hurt. She's the one who doesn't react when Lo destroys the house, aka when Laur has toxic behavior towards her. Still her the one who runs away from her problems so as not to face them and avoids conflicts (dogs and wrestler). In fact, if that's why, I wanna put in a good word for Laur in this case since she fights her by forcing her to confront her, aka talk about their problems. Still Mila the one who uses an imaginary automatic machine gun to shoot and destroy the bed symbolically in her head just because she’s angry with her. She's the one who crashes herself on top of a car and risks her life on other occasions with the dogs, the palm tree, and by drinking gasoline. I mean, see what I mean?

Who's the most toxic one we see here? And again, this is just a video. Not the reality. I feel like I always have to specify these things with you guys because one never knows you misinterpreted it 🤣. But anyway. I'm happy Mila did it. I'm happy that Mila represented even her toxicity since for many years due to her songs people only and always blamed Lauren. It's something I've been saying for years 💁🏻‍♀️. They both have their faults. There are two people in the couple and there are always two sides to a story. Not just one.

In any case, that's it, dear Anon. I hope you enjoyed both analysis 🙃.

🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍🤸🏻‍♀‍

Aaand I'm done 👅. Thank you all for your asks and I hope I've been helpful this time too 🙃. As usual, I'm always available for those who have questions, so ask away 😄.

Remember to be nice. Always. Both with others and with yourselves. Be a good example. Be patient. Be safe and take care of yourselves. Don't let our ship sink. Keep shipping them, but please respectfully 🙏🏼. Sending you virtual love and hugs 🤗🤗🤗. I love you, babies. Always with love, F ❤️.

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