#I’ve literally had family members look at me and be like ‘I don’t like it’ and I’m like?? ‘cool but it’s not your hair’

[chaosciara]

I cut bangs a week ago and honestly do whatever the fuck you want with yourself this shit BANGS (puntended)

[princessbrunette]

All i can think about is rafe cameron buying you stupidly expensive lingerie sets for christmas😵‍💫 and then after breakfast he asks you to model them🤭

SANTA BABY ♡

gettin me in the festive spirit hehehe this made me wanna spend xmas with the cameron’s so bad :((

cw: christmas duh, family bonding time, i aged Wheezie down to be like 6 years old bc i think it would be cute idk LMAOOO , suggestive themes but nothing too crazy ❀

At his core, Rafe Cameron liked to think he was a family man. He’d often flip out, misbehave, and shit talk his family members it’s true, but Christmas was a time he liked to put it all behind him (Atleast until the new year starts, and he can start up his usual BS)

As you can imagine, Christmas at the Cameron’s was something extravagant. Humungous white christmas tree with silver decorations at the centre of the house, the outside of the house decked with lights that required enough power to start up 3 yachts, fake snow on the porch and Frank Sinatras Christmas album playing round the house at each corner. The years had only softened Ward, and whilst he could be cruel, hard on Rafe and borderline forgetful of Wheezies existence — Christmas was where he shone brightest, just wanting to do right by his kids and now, you, his sons girlfriend.

Receiving presents from the family was a whole different ballgame to your usual Christmas at home, Ward having grinned ear to ear when he handed you the box with the Tiffany’s heart tag charm bracelet glittering under the Christmas lights of the early morning (Wheezie being Wheezie woke everyone up at 6AM sharp.) Rafe, who’d insisted you’d curled right up to his side on the couch wearing his robe resisted an eye roll, his dad always having to out do him, but you seemed elated and he felt his heart warm.

They went all out, Rose handing you a literal 90’s Blumarine runway piece she’d simply overheard you talking Rafes ear off about, the next 5 minutes spent by you and Sarah fawning over it. Sarah’s gift was next, a set of SKIMS dresses you’d been saving to your Pinterest which she couldn’t help but notice, and of course Wheezie proudly handing you a glittery macaroni necklace she’d crafted you at school, which you had no choice but to act like it was the best gift of all.

Come Rafe’s turn, he simply offered his family a smile and patted your side, turning his head to look at you. “I’ve got her presents in my room, figured I’d give it to you privately.” He teases, ignoring Sarah’s ‘Barf’ comment from her cross legged position on the floor beside her little sister.

The family dispersed for a little while, Sarah helping Wheezie set up her new toys on the carpet infront of the tree, Rose and Ward going to start up the food in the kitchen (Ward insists on cooking everything themselves instead of having the chefs do it, because it was tradition.) Before you could wander in there and offer your help, you were being pulled back gently by the arm into your fluffy robe clad boyfriend wearing a poorly masked excited smile. “What, you don’t want your present from me?”

He slides a box from under his bed when you get up to his room again, covered with thin pink gift paper to hide the logo. He sits on his chair, robe falling between his legs and bare knees exposed outwards. “C’mon, sit on santas lap.” He grins and you mirror him, skipping over, happy and spoiled and perching on his leg. He puts the box in your lap and you peel away the paper to see the Agent Provocateur logo with the iconic black ribbon. You widen your eyes at him as if to say ‘Okaaaay, good job’ before wedging your fingertips carefully beneath the cardboard lip and lifting it, seeing 5 sets before you that was perfectly accustomed to your taste.

You remember your trip to the city with Rafe, it was business of course — but you were happy to tag along and walk alongside him watching him handle things for you and his family. You’d spotted the fancy lingerie store, practically pressing yourself up against the glass of the window as you look inside rambling about how you had so many of the sets saved to your Pinterest, pointing out each with your finger smushed to the glass. Rafe nodded distractedly, phone pressed to his ear, leaning on his hip in his gridded shirt and khaki pants that fit too good, before gesturing to you with his thumb that the two of you needed to get moving again, or else you’d be late to the appointment with a buyer. You pout and peel yourself away from the store.

But that was like what, September? Did he go back and buy it all for you? Order it once he’d returned home with you? You’d know Rafe to hold a grudge, but didn’t know his memory served in a positive manner too. “Rafe…” You coo, plucking out the sets and holding them up to admire the intricate lace detailing, spotting matching garters and whatever else you’d mentioned laying in the box. The thought of him fumbling through your underwear drawer trying to figure out your bra size made you giggle, wrapping an arm around his neck in an appreciative squeeze.

“How’d you remember?” Your voice was high in awe, wanting to hold on to this sweet side of Rafe forever.

“Please, I pay attention sometimes y’know.” He smirks modestly, eyes on the box as he admires his work. “So you like it? Yeah?” His hands finding your hips and giving them a soft squeeze.

“Love it, Rafey.” It comes out muffled, because you’re busying yourself with pressing big wet kisses to his cheek, and then eventually his mouth. He pulls away a fraction, lips still brushing yours and eyes cracking open.

“Gonna try it all on for me though, right?” He drawls in that classic Rafe way that you can never say no to and you nod so vigorously you nearly headbutt him. He pats your butt with a pleased hum and pecks you once more. “Atta girl.”

[henry7931]

Billy’s College Adventure Part 2

Samuel:

“Oh fuck!!!”

I scream out as Billy’s body pours out cum all over his slim chest. I stare down at cute dick I know have possession over.

That’s when the doorbell starts ringing. Well he’s quicker than I thought. I better get his body cleaned up. I quickly wipe off Billy’s chest and grab his shirt.

The doorbell rings over and over again.

“I’m coming! Just hold on a sec!”

I look through the peephole and my body waiting outside for me to open the door.

“Who is it?,” I say just to mess with him.

“YOU KNOW WHO IT IS!”

“Hmmm… well I wasn’t expecting company. Not sure who you could be. Have we met before?”

“Dude! I’m in your body, you’re in mine. Can we just cut to the point and you let me in!”

“What’s the secret password?”

“Purple! Now let me in!”

“No… the password isn’t a ‘word.’ It’s a gesture…”

“Hey it’s me! In your body, what’s up? Is this good enough?”

I bust out laughing, I thought he was going to flick me off.

I open up the door and Billy comes storming in.

“You know! It’s one thing for you to highjack my body! But it’s another for you to LITERALLY LOCK ME OUT,” says Billy who’s now in my (our I should say his) face.

“Oof! You got a spicy side! I like it!,” I say back with a big grin.

“Are got to be kidding me! You know what, I’ll fix this.”

I watch as Billy tries his hardest to switch us back. He tries for about a minute before giving up.

“Fuck! Why can’t I switch us back?”

“Oh Billy, you really don’t know the first thing about your powers do you? You’re a swapper. A swapper can’t un-swap somebody who’s also a swapper. Now you can swap others that I’ve swapped but you can’t swap us. Only I can now.”

I watch as Billy paced around the room struggling with the fact that I’m in control here.

“So I have a few questions,” he says to me.

“Sure!”

“First off, who the hell are you?!?”

“Well currently I’m you. But normally I’m Samuel, Sam for short.”

“Great. So you obviously are a—”

“Swapper.”

“Yes, you’re a swapper. Like me which I didn’t even know others existed outside of me.”

“Well other swappers are a little more quiet about their abilities. You just have yourself away earlier today.”

“I know, I figured that out pretty quick. This feels weird, normally it’s me hitting someone with the body swap surprise. Wait a minute, why did you swap that guy and that professor?”

“Great question! That Dufus really pissed me off. And I don’t really care for that professor so freaking him out too was just an added bonus.”

I watch as he tries his hardest to get a good read on me. It’s so refreshing to even talk about this someone who’s not my family. Granted the only other swapper in my family was my great uncle. He was kind enough to leave me a rule book.

“So you just did that to be petty?”

“Well yeah I guess, sounds terrible when you put it that way. But trust me that guy had it coming.”

“That seems pretty immature of you.”

“Oh so you’ve never just swapped with someone for the hell of it?”

“That’s not what I’m saying… I mean of course I have but it’s been years!”

“Geez Billy, didn’t know you set the roles for the swapper community.”

“Shut up, I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying you really freaked those two out. Maybe like a simple prank could have worked.”

“Billy, I don’t think you understand how different the two of us are from the rest of the world. Most swapper do way worse things— sides I would have eventually swapped them back.”

Billy gets quiet for a second. I watch as he flops down on his couch. 

“So now that you kidnapped my body, what’s your plan here?,” says Billy.

“Finally! That was the question I’ve been waiting on. So I’ll be honest with you. I’ve personally never met another swapper outside of a family member who I really didn’t get to know. But he did leave me with a lot about our powers. And I want to start really using mine. But the kind of stuff I want to do is hard to do alone. So I guess in the nicest way I can say this… I’ll give you your body back as long as you join me in my exploration. Thoughts?”

“Ummm… is this going to be dangerous or potentially hurt someone?”

“Ahhhh no, at least not directly.”

“What do you mean by not directly?”

“Well I guess you can either find out and get your body back or just stay as me until I decide to swap us back. Which could be a very long time… years maybe.”

“Ugh fine! I’ll do whatever.”

“Cool!”

2 Hours Later…

Billy and I crashed out on his couch. It took him a bit to speak to me but once he got going he had so many questions about me. I let him ask me about my life, my family, etc. and he eventually started to open up about himself as well.

“So let me get this straight? You forced your babysitter to swap bodies with you like every time he came over??,” I ask him.

“Oh yeah! Honestly, I feel a little bad about it now because he’s so nice. Literally has no hard feelings. I was just a nightmare growing up. I could never stay in my body when I was young and trust me my dads tried hard! I even ran away a couple of times with his body. They of course found me every time. It sounds terrible but I really enjoyed being him.”

“That’s funny, I used to get really annoyed easy at family functions. I was a very emotional teen and my dad’s brother was a bit of a prick. Always thought he was jealous since he didn’t get the swapper trait and I did. I would literally swap everyone around just to piss all of them off. I’d even make sure everyone swapped with someone who I knew they would hate to be… oh this one time. I swapped my uncle and our dog for like a week. I got into sooo much trouble but it was so worth it.”

“Oh god not the dog!!”

“Yep! Even took my dog to the park. It was hilarious!”

We went back and forth on our swap stories for hours. I door dashed us a bunch of food (on Billy’s card of course, I knew he would be cool with it the second I heard his parents are loaded lol).

“So do you have like any booze here?,” I asked him.

“Oh yeah! Want a glass of wine?”

“Sure!”

“Any preferences?”

“I mean I have your pallet so whatever you like lol.”

“Trueee, I guess I should asked for me haha.”

“Well I prefer red wines.”

“Gross!”

“You’re gonna like it I promise.”

We both crack open two bottles of wine and turn on a movie in the background. After a couple of glasses I started to feel a little frisky and maybe a little too open

“So I have a confession to make,” I say to him.

“Oh god, what is it?”

“It’s nothing bad! Oh god, I can’t believe I’m saying this.”

“Sit it out Sam!”

“Well before you got here, I um… I may have enjoyed your equipment.”

Billy sits up and for a second I thought he was going to be mad at me.

“Sam did you jerk off in my body?”

“Well… yeah.”

“Are you kidding? I haven’t even explored your body, especially since I just rushed over here. And you explore all of mine huh?”

“Yeah I don’t know, it’s been a minute since I’ve swapped with a cute guy. I may have just lost control.”

“Ohhhh so you think I’m cute?” he gives me a cheeky grin.

“Ugh, don’t get too excited.”

“Well, I think it’s only fair for me to have my turn,” he says with a bigger more cynical grin.

“What?!?”

“You heard me! I’m forced to be you so it’s only fair for me to have my fun too!”

“Fine!,” I say back. I feel a rush hit me. I’ve never been around a guy that’s in my body talking about using my body that way. It’s kinda hot.

“So what you’re gonna go to your room or do it right here?,” I say to him sarcastically.

He takes a big swig from the bottle of wine and pulls my shirt off.

“You wanna come watch the show?,” he says winking at me.

Before I can answer Billy grabs my hand and pulls me up. I follow him to his bedroom.

Billy pulls down my sweatpants and hops onto his bed.

“What do you think? Do you look… sexy?”

I roll my eyes at him.

“Okay… here is the big reveal!,” he says to me slowly lowering my underwear.

“1..2..3…”

Billy pulls my underwear down and my dick flies out. It’s completely hard.

“Nice!! 10 out 10 dick right here,” he says holding my dick.

“You gonna…”

“Slow down cowboy! It’s my turn to explore.”

I watch Billy gently fondle my goods. I can feel his dick pulsating— I can barely hide the fact that I’m just as turned on.

“So Sam, now it’s my turn to give you two options. You can hop into bed with me and we can full around or you can stand right in that exact spot with my hard on all night. Which one will it be?”

“Bed.”

“Good, now get over here!”

Billy nearly rips the clothes off of his body.

“Is it weird that I want to kiss you right now,” he says to me.

“Nah, just a little self love,” I say back.

We start making out and he’s such a great kisser. I feel him reach down and he starts fondling his dick.

“You’re so sexy,” I say to him.

He kiss my neck and says, “your body or me?”

“Your presence, your body. But you all around.”

“So are you, even though you’re a bit of a dick.”

“What turns you on the most Billy?,” I ask him.

He lifts up his head, “you really want to know?”

“Yeah I do.”

“Feet.”

Somehow, someway, I got even harder from the words that came out of his mouth.

“Is that weird?”

“Fuck no because that’s what turns me on too.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Nope! Your feet are so sexy…,” I say to him.

He looks at mine and grins.

“You have cute feet too.”

“Would it be weird if we…,” I say gesturing to his toes.

“Nope!”

I use Billys feet and wrap them around my dick. I start stroking back and forth. He lets out grunts in between.

I maneuver back and forth using his toes to grip.

“Don’t stop Sam! Fuckkkk,” he yells out.

I go faster and faster…

Billy is moaning sooo loud…

And then he screams out, “IM CUMMING!!!”

Cum squirts out on to his feet covering them.

He grabs his foot and does something so hot. I watch as he licks foot clean with my mouth.

“Shit… that was amazing…”

[hanafubukki]

Hello hello, sorry to barge in suddenly

I love ur content XD especially the family themed with Lilia. #1 Bat dad got me weak in the knees.

I do love to think that Lilia would be OBSESSED with his pregnant wife and unborn child, literally glued to his wife since he found out that she got pregnant and even when the child is born? Man won't let you alone.

What do you think? I love me some family fluff content with this bat dad

Hello Anonie 💞💚💙

Thank you so much 💞☺️ I’m happy that you like my posts. You don’t have to apologize Anonie, I enjoy getting asks.

Lilia with his family is an absolute fave of mine to write about. Him with babies?? *shakes you* my favorite kind of tea.

I was reading a manhwa and remembered this ask because there was this moment that a husband went through for his wife that had me going “Yes! Lilia would have that!!” 😆😎

✨sympathy pregnancy✨ it’s when the expecting partner (and in some rare cases, very close friends) experience the symptoms and behaviors of expectant mothers.

You know I’m just going to take this idea and run with it 🤣🫶

The day you and Lilia find out you’re pregnant is one of joy. It’s not a shock to anyone really. The way he’s practically by your side when he’s not with his boys, Lilia doesn’t hide the fact that he adores you.

He really doesn’t. In fact, Maleficia, herself, was waiting for the day she’d receive a letter about your pregnancy from Malleus. Everyone knew.

It was a good idea that Lilia spent some nights in your dorm.

When you start showing signs of fatigue and nausea, you visit a healer with Lilia by your side. Where you born receive the news. Both of you are over the moon, but Lilia looks ready to actually jump as high as the moon.

Your pregnancy comes with a few hiccups. Nausea in the morning. Fatigue. Appetite changes. Aches. It wasn’t easy for you once your pregnancy symptoms kicked in.

Throughout all this, Lilia was by your side. Helping you the best he could. If he wasn’t by your side, one of the boys was.

After a hard day of symptoms, of which Mrs. Zigvolt stated was normal for someone having a half fae and half human baby, Lilia couldn’t help but feel guilty. You’re human after all, it would be harder for you to deal with this baby. He wished he could help you.

The next few days, surprisingly, you felt better? You could eat more. Your body aches lowered and your fatigue practically disappeared.

But you noticed Lilia…seemed a little off. He tried to hide it but you knew his tics by now. When he suddenly got nauseous one day, you asked Malleus to call the healer.

The healer merely announced Lilia suffering from sympathy pregnancy. Rare amongst human and fae kind, but not unheard of. Eventually, it would pass.

You felt bad for Lilia but his boys on the other had:

“The dedication Lord Lilia serves is an example for us all!”

“Father will need medication to handle his symptoms.”

“How supportive you are, Lilia. Maybe I should ask the royal scriptors to write about your romantic tales.”

You knew If he wasn’t so nauseated, Lilia would be berating them.

Even after the revelation, Lilia was determined to stay by your side. Content that you were feeling well and full of energy.

He became the talk of town, but nothing he didn’t handle with pride and quips.

As time went on, the symptoms mellowed out. Soon, a new member of the family joined. Healthy and already loved more than the number of stars in the sky.

This kind of got away from me lol 😆 it’s been awhile since I’ve been this chaotic with an ask, especially for Lilia, so I hope you enjoyed. 🫶💞

You could probably see where I ran out of steam lol

The manhwa that inspired this is “I Failed to Divorce my Husband.”

[junnieverse]

— DRUNK BOYFRIEND ENHYPEN ! 💭

➙ drunk boyfriend enhypen thoughts

pairing: enhypen x gn!reader

genre: crack, fluff

request: " i just want to say that the enhypen drunk series (?) is so cute. can i request that you do one of where the members don’t recognize their partner bc they’re drunk and tells them to back off LAMSOSKD i’ve seem sm tiktoks on this "

warnings: for obvious reasons ni-ki was not included, mentions of alcohol/drinking, lowercase intended, not proofread

a/n: had a brainrot moment so I hope nothing sounds too repetitive or 'boring' but I also hope it makes you all laugh, thanks anon!

🖇️ — 양정원 ; JUNGWON !

"Jungwon calm down baby, it's just me!" you try to reason with him as he hid behind jay

"Stop saying we're dating! I don't know who you are, Jay tell them to get away!" he defends himself as jay awkwardly laughs being trapped in the middle

what was once a night out with the guys soon turned into jungwon trying to kick you out of your own house because he claimed you were a crazy fan that broke in claiming to be his partner

your boyfriend didn't enjoy drinking to begin with but his members convinced him to have a few celebratory drinks and he had one too many he could handle

"I know taekwondo! I-I won't fight you but I will if necessary. What did you do to my partner?" he said glaring at you lifting up his tiny fists as his cheeks and ears became more rosy tinted

jungwon was usually pretty calm, but seeing as he could barely recognise you and he thought you were kidnapped or hurt he got quite riled up and defensive

looking over to jay you shake your head in disappointment knowing you would have to deal with your boyfriend who didn't even want to be near you

"Look what you guys did, you broke him."

🖇️ — 이희승 ; HEESEUNG !

"This is insane... I didn't know (y/n) had an identical twin, the resemblance is uncanny." heeseung says poking your cheek

asian flushed and completely wasted, dealing with a dazed heeseung who didn't recognise you was not part of your plans at 2 am on a sunday

"That's because I am (y/n), I don't have a twin baby." you correct him swatting his hand away from your face

suddenly becomes more giggly and nothing he says makes sense anymore

"I have the best partner actually. I haven't seen them today though, but it was great meeting you, the family genes must be super strong. Woah, you even have the same mole on your nose like they do, that's crazy!" your boyfriend says clapping as he covered his mouth in shock

"Lee Heeseung, we've been together for 3 years and you know I only have an older brother. I don't have a twin." you remark once again trying not to shake him so he gets back to his senses

no matter how many times you try to tell him you're dating him, he still believes you're just his partner's identical twin

wakes up the next morning asking where you were the entire night and how he met your 'twin' he hadn't known about

🖇️ — 박종성 ; JAY !

jay knew how to handle his liquor quite well but it seemed he had something stronger he couldn't handle

when he was drunk he was either extremely loud or just quiet and stoic, no in between

unfortunately tonight he was on the more reserved and quiet side of his drunkenness

what you weren't expecting was for your boyfriend to be drunk to the extent of not recognising you

"Here's some water to help you sober up honey." you say giving him a bottle of water to which he shook his head pushing it away

"If this is your way of flirting, I'm not interested. You can leave." he says coldly not even glancing at you

to say you were shocked was a complete understatement, you were flabbergasted, appalled

"Jay what, you're literally dating me." you say not believing how incredibly drunk he was

"I think I know what my partner looks like thank you very much, and how do you even know my name-" he asks glaring at you as a small hiccup escapes from his lips

at some point, you couldn't even get through to your stubborn boyfriend and his friends had to help him sober up before he finally started to recognise who you were

🖇️ — 심재윤 ; JAKE !

jake drinking was one thing, he could handle himself

jake drinking with friends and really letting loose was another thing

everything would be going well up until the blackout stage

finding your boyfriend passed out at the table you had reserved you shake him awake and he looks at you confused

"Let's go home baby, you're extremely drunk now." you tell him running a hand gently through his hair

"I'm sorry but who are you?" jake asks trying to keep his eyes open as his speech came out slurred and soft

"I'm your partner Jake." you laugh at the confusion

his eyes suddenly widen as he steps away from you seemingly to have his sleep kicked out of his body

"No way! I have a girlfriend already, her name is Layla!" he says with a slight stutter which usually happened when he blatantly lied

"Jake, sweetie... Layla is your dog."

🖇️ — 박성훈 ; SUNGHOON !

this was your first time witnessing sunghoon being this drunk

I'm taking wasted to the point that your own boyfriend couldn't even recognise you and it was breaking your heart

"Sunghoon, it's me love, stop trying to run away." you say chasing after him across the playground as he hid in one of the tubes

"Leave me alone! I don't know you! My mom said not to talk to strangers." he said glaring at you as you laughed softly at his childish manners

heeseung mentioned he was drunk but never did you expect him to have been on this level

"I'm your partner Hoonie, did you really forget me." you pout trying to crawl over to him in the tube

"Well whoever you are, you're nice and all but my partner probably thinks I'm missing so I need to go find them." he pats your head leaving through the slide as you sigh to go after him once again

he did eventually come back to his senses but he didn't remember half of what happened

"Where have you been?? This one weirdo kept following me around claiming it was you." he whispers the last part looking around afraid he was still being followed by the 'stranger'

how this tall man managed to squeeze into those tiny play area tubes remains a mystery

🖇️ — 김선우 ; SUNOO !

"You remind me alot of my partner. Not only do you look alot like them but you're sweet and funny too." sunoo tells you as he hiccuped

"That's because I am your partner angel." you say to him with a soft smile

here you were with an arm around a drunk sunoo taking him home after a night out with friends at a bar

although it seemed your boyfriend had a little too much because he couldn't recognise you

he simply thought you were a kind stranger who was helping him that oddly knew his name, knew where he lived and looked extremely alike to his lover

nothing out if the ordinary, plus he was too drunk to analyse and question how weird everything seemed

"No you aren't, my partner always has our matching ring on." he says with a pout showing you the ring on his pinky finger

lifting your hand you show him the ring and his eyes immediately widen

"You stole it from them!" he accuses you as he gasped in shock

[celabi]

tbh, I feel like I’ve been drifting away from the original scummy scara I made when I first made the au, so I would like to let everyone know that he is a BIG freak. the type of guy you avoid because he’s just… so creepy and weird. like, restraining order, banned in fifty states type of weird.

he will steal a pen you’ve been nibbling on in class, and do all sorts of things to it that you don’t wanna know. like shoving it down his throat or something idk.

he goes through the trash and takes the gum you spat out, and chews it as if he were a man on death row. and at this point he might as well be.

he ‘makes’ you home made lunch. (which is just store brought food he put into a lunch box). awe, so thoughtful, right? NO, he passed out after cumming so much to replace the dressing on your salad.

spits in your drink, so it’s almost like you’re kissing in a way, because his saliva is in your mouth yada yada. he’s so delusional, gosh.

this man jerks off to anything. pictures of you in a bikini. pictures of your panties that he snuck a photo of from under your skirt. hell, he has even fapped it to a post he found on one of your family members facebook where you look like the most ordinary person ever. anything.

he acts like an angel around you, but the moment you turn your back, he has this dark, violent glint in his eyes at anyone who isn’t you.

he STANK. like discord moderator who manages thirty different servers. he plays video games 24/7 and eats only fast food + he lives in his mothers basement so minus points.

his mind is SO dirty too. like you could be complaining about this one girl who has been getting on your nerves recently, and all he can think about is bending you over the table and running his hands all over your body. he thinks of you when he shouldn’t, and in ways he shouldn’t, even before you knew his name.

yeah he’s so sweet, and kisses the ground you walk on. but he also would love nothing more then to knock you up and keep you as his cute little spouse who he can come home and make love to every day.

god and he’s a brat too, don’t get me started. like, throwing tantrums when you decide to sit with someone else at lunch. starting fights with people who so much as look in your general direction (ones that he loses cause he is so small and scrawny). screaming profanities at the professors who separate your seating plans in lectures, and so on.

if you’ve been keeping up with my posts, you’ll know that this man has a literal sex doll replica of you he sleeps with at night. it’s so detailed to the point where there is freckles in the exact same spot they are on your skin. (even some moles and beauty marks that you didn’t even know you had, and god knows how he does).

has a shrine of you in his closet. strands of your hair he has collected. lipgloss and chapstick he has stolen from your bag whilst you weren’t looking. accessories like rings and bracelets. nail polish, all the works. and in the middle of this shrine, in all its glory, is a pair of your underwear that he took while you were in the changing rooms. he prays to it. the holy grail.

he has been dating you in his head the moment he saw you, like, gets a little annoyed when you don’t remember your five month anniversary, but the thing is, you didn’t even know you’re dating at all.

I love him. don’t get me wrong, but he is not the man you want to get involved with, like AT ALL.

go for someone like scummy alhaitham, who has (some) self respect 👍

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 15- She Shoots, She Scores

Summary: You and Javi go to visit your family in Chicago. Javi gets his first chance to see snow, the two of you are tasked with unexpected baby sitting duty, and your family is... well, your family.

Word Count: 13.3K (I mean like... Could be worse?)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (don't be a fool, wrap your tool), creampie, praise kink, big ole breeding kink (you watch Javi hold a baby, what do you expect), talks of building a family, grief/loss of a family member, trying to talk about death/loss with a child (UGH sweet little Olivia), mentions of eating, mentions of drinking/being hungover (your dad had a rough night out with his besties), there is literally so much future dad!Javi content in this chapter and I am not sorry about it at all

A/N: Okay I am not gonna lie, the self indulgent part of me was SO excited to get our girl out on the ice in some hockey skates and kick ass 🤪 There are so many things that make me smile about this chapter besides that- the fact that Javi has probably never seen snow before this trip, Javi and Osita babysitting together and being the cutest future parents (please excuse me while I SCREAM into a pillow) and Osita's family just being who they are. Nothing really holiday themed about this chapter at all, just some good, old fashioned midwest winter fun!

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“Baby, I’m telling you, you’re gonna wanna pack warmer stuff than that. I don’t think you understand how cold Chicago is this time of year.” You laughed to yourself as you peeked over at Javi’s suitcase, sitting on top of yours to try and cram as many sweaters and sweatshirts in as possible to brace yourself for the reality you knew was winter in the midwest. 

After spending the first half of your winter break together in Laredo, you and Javi had agreed to make your way out to your family to spend the second part of the holidays with them. As much as you had grown to love everything about life in Laredo, there was something about Chicago at Christmas time that filled you with a warmth and happiness you couldn’t wait to share together with Javi. The only problem was, Javi had never once experienced weather colder than your last trip to Chicago in October, let alone the brutal Illinois winter he was in for tomorrow when your flight landed, and the temperature was about to drop 40 degrees. 

“Osita, I find it hard to believe that it’s that fucking cold. I have plenty of stuff packed that I’m sure will be fine.” Javi smirked, now laughing at you, wrestling with the zipper you had barely managed to close from your overflowing outfit choices. 

“Javi. It’s Chicago. In December. It’s fucking cold. But who am I to say anything? I’ve only spent every winter in Chicago since birth, so what would I know?” You groaned, overdramatically rolling your eyes at Javi, who you had spent the past few days trying to prepare for the bitter cold and snow that he was drastically unaware of. “Will you please put like, a few more sweatshirts in there? I promise I’m not trying to be overbearing, I just know you have literally spent your entire life in the sun and if you thought 50 degrees was cold in October, you’re about to be in for a rude awakening, mister.” You snickered, plopping yourself down on the bed next to Javi’s suitcase he found himself hovering over before looking at you, shaking his head. 

“Fine, I will put a few more in there.” He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss on your head before heading back over to his drawer to throw a few more sweatshirts and long sleeved shirts in with the rest of his clothes. “I am actually really excited for the snow.” Javi smirked, a boyish grin growing across his face. 

“God, it’s so weird to me that you’ve never seen snow before. It’ll get old fast, believe me. Especially when you have to spend all morning shoveling it out of the driveway before you can go anywhere, or when I kick your ass in a snowball fight.” You reached over, giving him a playful punch before squealing as Javi lunged on top of you, making you bounce on the bed as he peppered ticklish kisses across your neck and chest, leaving you giggling and swatting beneath him. 

“Yeah, really? You’re gonna kick my ass? How the fuck do you kick someone’s ass at a snowball fight, hmmm?” He questioned between pecks of his lips against your skin before finally pulling away, letting you catch your breath from your laughter. 

“You’ll find out once you have a big ole snowball in your face, won’t you?” Leaning back against the headboard of the bed, you crossed your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow at Javi, giving him a little shrug. “Don’t think I’m taking it easy on you because you have no snowball making experience. This will be an all out war, Peña.” 

“I don’t think I’d ever expect anything less from you, Osita.” 

Javi was just as thankful as you that this trip to Chicago seemed to be less nerve wracking than your first one a few months ago- for the sake of your own sanity and the bones in his hand, considering your only slightly eased death grip around it on the 3 hour flight leaving Laredo. The O’Hare International Airport was buzzing with the hustle and bustle of holiday travelers, people dashing through the terminals, crowding at gates, and fighting for taxis. You couldn’t believe how busy it still was after Christmas had passed, considering the fight it had been to try and hail a cab to get to your parents house. 

The drive to your childhood home from the airport had felt starkly different than the one you and Javi had taken in October, a sense of comfort and relief washing over you in having ripped off the band aid that was your first trip back home since Patrick’s death, which was approaching almost exactly a year ago. To be honest, there was a part of you that was expecting this trip to somehow be more painful- having to face your first Christmas without your brother- your last one being only days before he had passed away, getting dumped by your ex, and running half way across the country to try and forget anything and everything you could about the life that had crumbled at the seams beneath you. But as you ran your thumb gently over your ring finger, pressing against the delicate gold band that had made its home there since Thanksgiving, staring at your future husband, excitedly looking out the window at the thick flakes of snow falling from the sky, you couldn’t help but smile at just how lucky you were. You also couldn’t help but think how happy your brother would have been for you, too- to know his death hadn’t meant that your life had ended either. Truth be told, it was only just beginning. 

“What do you think?” You asked, biting down on your lip as you gave Javi’s hand a little squeeze, taking in the cuteness that was watching him watch the snowflakes gently drift through the winter breeze before landing in the already massive piles lining the streets below. His eyes lit up with a childlike glow, trying his best to contain his giddiness as he looked out the window before looking back over at you. 

“It’s… Fuck, it’s beautiful.” Even though you knew he was talking about the soft, white flakes falling behind you, the way his eyes never left yours as the words fell from his lips made your cheeks warm in a way that would have melted any snowflakes that would have landed there. “I’m so glad that our kids will be able to grow up knowing what it’s like to have snow.” 

“It is a lot prettier when you know you only have to be in it for a week, and not multiple months.” You laughed as you shook your head, admiring the snow covered suburbia outside your window. It made your smile just a little bit wider as you watched kids playing outside in their front yards, rolling giant snowballs for snowmen or, digging holes in the snow plowed piles along their driveways to make forts, knowing that one day, your children would get to do the same with you and Javi. “Yeah, it is nice that they’ll get to have both. Unless they inherit your warm weather genes, and complain every time it’s colder than 70 degrees out. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure to teach them well so we can gang up on you for all the snowball fights.” Javi looked over at you, smirking to himself as he reached across the backseat to grab your hand, intertwining it with yours. 

“I wouldn’t want it any other way.” 

The rest of your drive was spent quietly, hand in hand, as you admired the snowfall from your windows, gently music playing softly from the car radio as Javi’s thumb rubbed against the soft skin of your knuckles, taking an extra few moments to touch the beautiful ring forever wrapped around your finger, excited for the winters ahead he got to spend with you.  

“Listen… I’m not trying to say I told you so but-” 

“Yeah, it’s fucking cold, okay? You win, Osita.” You tried your best to keep from bursting out into laughter as you could see Javi visibly shivering, pulling out your suitcases out of the back of the cab, trying his best not to drop them in the slush covered streets of your neighborhood. The beautiful facade of the winter wonderland Javi had been admiring through the window of the taxi quickly faded as he stepped outside to face the reality of a true Chicago December. Grabbing your own bag, you hoisted it up over the pile of snow on either side of the walkway up to your house, making sure to take an extra big step over the mound at the edge of the curb you had learned over the years that your dad was too lazy to shovel to avoid ending up with a shoe full of snow.

 “Oh fuck me…” Javi sighed, now ankle deep in the pile you had forgotten to warm him about, frantically shaking his foot to try and get the snow off his foot. 

“Like I said, I’m not trying to say I told you so…” You grimaced, looking down at Javi’s snow soaked foot before looking back up at him, giving him a sarcastically sympathetic shrug. 

“Pendejo. Can we please go inside before we fucking freeze out here?” 

“But I thought it was so beautiful? Have you changed your mind, you warm weathered, sun spoiled baby?” You teasted, giggling to yourself at the annoyed look on Javi’s face before turning back around to head towards the house. 

Almost to the door, you practically froze in your tracks, your jaw hanging open in shock as a cold, hard thump hit the back of your jacket, whipping your head back around the see Javi pulling his hands out of the snow, wiping them on his jeans before glancing down to see the little white blob that had slid down your back, landing by your feet. “Did you just throw a fucking snowball at me?!” You yelled, a devilish smirk spreading ear to ear across Javi’s face as you stared at him in disbelief. 

“It was just so beautiful, I couldn’t help it.” He mocked, raising an eyebrow at you before finishing the rest of the journey up the pathway to your door, giving you a playful nudge as he passed you. 

“You’re the worst, I hope you know that.” 

“You’re the one who said yes.” He smirked, gesturing down at the ring on your finger before placing a quick kiss on your rosy cheek, opening up the front door. 

“Hey you guys we’re-” 

“Oh thank God you’re here.” Charlie sighed, frantically shoving an oversized diaper bag in your arms as he ran down the stairs next to the entryway of your parents house. 

“Good to see you too, Charlie? Thanks for the diaper bag? Where’s everyone else?” You questioned, a puzzled look growing across your face, as Charlie rapidly ran back up the stairs, only hearing his voice shout down the hallway. 

“Natalie! They’re here!” You looked up at Javi, the two of you stumped as to what was happening before Charlie was speeding back down the steps, the sound of little feet following behind him. 

“Auntie Bear, Auntie Bear, Auntie Bear!” Olivia squealed, her tiny feet pattering down the hallway, outstretching her arms to be picked up for a hug. Quickly setting down the diaper bag you had been handed to avoid getting run over by your niece, your arms mirrored hers, scooping her up, giving her a big hug. 

“Hi, cutie pie!” You grinned, giving her a big kiss on the cheek before setting her back down, Olivia then swiftly making her way over to Javi. 

“Hi Uncle Javi!” She beamed, wrapping her little arms around his waist, hugging his hip. 

“Hey, Olivia!” Javi smiled widely at his new title, rubbing his hand against her head, ruffling her hair. 

“Hi Awnt Bawwwww!!.” A little voice screeched, Brianna waving her tiny hand at you as she tumbled down the stairwell, following her sister. 

“Hi Lil Miss! C’mere, sweetie!” You giggled, picking up your other niece and hosting her on your hip, planting little kisses across her face, making her squeal, before gently placing her back on the ground. You were so focused on your adorable niece’s hugs and greetings, that you hadn’t been paying attention to Charlie scurrying through the living room, cleaning and gathering items that had been scattered around your parents house by his daughters. Swiftly making her way down the stairs with the newest addition to your family, your new nephew Lucas, Charlie’s wife Natalie was already handing him off to you as she fixed the earring she was trying to place before helping Charlie in the living room.  

“You wanna tell us what’s going on?” You questioned, laughing at your brother and his wife frantically running around the house as you carefully held up Lucas, melting at his sweet, rosy cheeks and messy blonde tufts of hair, finally getting to see him in person for the first time. “Oh my God, aren’t you the sweetest thing? Hi, little Lucas! What are your crazy mom and dad up to, huh? What’s happening that’s got them running around like psychopaths?” You giggled, talking to him in a high pitched voice as he babbled, resting his tiny head against your chest. 

“Can you guys babysit?!” Charlie paused, shoving a few more items into Lucas’s diaper bag sitting by your feet, a pathetic and guilty look growing across his face. 

“Wait, babysit? Where are you two going? Aren’t mom and dad-” 

“Well David was supposed to, but he got called into work today because they were short staffed. Natalie’s work Christmas party is tonight. Our idiot brother told Mom and Dad that you guys weren’t coming until tomorrow, so they planned dinner with the Kolawski’s tonight, and our babysitter is out of town for the holidays so we don’t have anyone to watch the kids.” Charlie grunted as he shoved the last of his shoe on his foot, standing up and looking at you with pleading eyes. “Mom and Dad were watching while we were at work and when we found out you guys were actually coming in today, we stayed hoping that you could watch them, too. Please Cubby?” 

“Well, I think your first mistake was trusting David to relay any accurate information at any point in time.” You rolled your eyes, readjusting Lucas, cradling the back of his head. 

“If you could, it would mean so much. I’ve been looking forward to finally going back to see everyone at work for this party. I know it’s so last minute. I’m so sorry you guys, if you can’t it’s okay, we don’t have to go.” Natalie smiled sympathetically, leaning down to give Olivia a quick kiss on the head as she wrapped her arms around her mom’s leg. 

“Please Auntie Bear? Please, please, please, please?” Olivia begged, looking up at you with big puppy dog eyes. 

“I don’t see why we can’t? Is that okay with you, Jav?” You shrugged at Charlie before looking over at Javi, eyes wide as he stared at you bouncing Lucas in your arms, your words seeming to go in one ear and out the other watching you hold your nephew. 

“Hmmm? Oh yeah. Yeah! Yeah, of course we can babysit.” Javi visibly shook his head to snap himself out of whatever daydream he was having as he looked at you, bringing himself back to reality. 

“Yay! Auntie Bear and Uncle Javi are gonna babysit!” Olivia squealed, squeezing Brianna in excitement, the two of them giggling and bouncing up and down before running off into the living room, heading back to whatever toys they were playing with before your arrival.

“Oh my God, thank you so much, Cubby. We owe you big time.” Charlie reached over, giving you a quick side hug before reaching for his and Natalie’s coats behind you, hanging by the front door. 

“It’s not a big deal at all, Charlie, we’re more than happy to. Anything special we need to know with this lil cutie? The other two I’ve got down pat.” You leaned over, kissing Lucas’s soft, feathery hair as you held him. 

“Keep him alive? I don’t know, Cubby, he’s a baby, it’s not that hard. Feed him and put him to bed when he falls asleep.” Charlie raised an eyebrow at you, shrugging as he put his coat on. 

“You’re not the one that question was directed towards, idiot.” You rolled your eyes, looking over at Natalie, laughing to herself as she shimmied her coat over her arms. 

“I just fed him an hour ago, so you can feed him at 8, diaper bag has everything he needs in there, his pack-n-play is set up in the spare room, and if he’s fussy, put him in the baby rocker and he’ll fall right asleep. You can call Charlie’s cell if you need anything, and I’ll answer.” 

“Thank you for that helpful information, Natalie. Crazy that I’d wanna know those kinds of things before having a 3 month old baby dropped in my care.” You jabbed at Charlie, oblivious to your remark as he was already opening the front door. 

“Yeah, sure, whatever. Thank you Cubby, we’ll be back at like, 10? Okay, bye you guys, be good for Auntie Bear and Javi, love you!” Charlie half shouted as he booked it out the door, Natalie following behind him. 

“Thank you guys, so much. I’d apologize for Charlie being the way that he is, but…you already know. Bye girls! I love you both, Daddy and I will see you later, okay? Have lots of fun!” Natalie gave you a quick hug before waving goodbye, following Charlie out the door, leaving Olivia, Brianna, Lucas, in your care for an unexpected night in on babysitting duty. 

“Is this okay? I’m really sorry, I know we just got here, I wasn’t gonna say no, but I-” 

“Hermosa. Of course it’s okay.” Javi smiled, cutting you off as he placed his hand on the small of your back, his thumb tracing soft circles along your jacket you still had yet to take off from your arrival.

“Okay. You sure? You were giving me a weird look when I asked you at first.” You questioned, raising an eyebrow at him before pressing a soft kiss onto Lucas’s head as he cooed. Javi looked back at you, letting out a sigh, biting down on his lip and he leaned down to give you what you thought was going to be a kiss on your cheek, before he stopped at your ear. 

“Maybe it’s because watching you hold that baby is making me wanna put one in you right now.” His words sent a shiver down your spine, his breath hot and heavy against your neck as he pulled away, giving you a quick wink while your eyes just about popped out of your head from his unwarranted comment. 

“Jesus Christ, Javier Jesús Peña. You cannot just be saying things like that to me, or I’m gonna throw my fucking birth control out the window and spontaneously combust.” You sighed, jabbing his side as the two of you laughed to yourselves. 

“Auntie Bearrrrrrrr! Me and Bri Bri are hungry! We want dino nuggies, pleaseeeee!” Olivia shouted from across the room, waving one of her many stuffed animals at you to get your attention.

“Okay, cuties! Let’s go in the kitchen and we can make some dinner, alright?” You called back, thankful for your niece’s impeccable timing before you melted into a puddle from Javi’s suggestion. “You’re a menace, you know that right? This is about to be the most challenging night of babysitting ever because of you. You haven’t even held Lucas yet, and just the thought of it is making me want to do unspeakable things to you.” You sighed, making your way towards the kitchen, trying your best to not even look at Javi before you completely fell apart. 

“Is that a threat, or a promise?” Javi smirked as he followed behind you, making you whip your head around, giving him a stern look for the sake of your sanity. 

“A menace, I swear.” 

Olivia and Brianna had somehow charmed you and Javi into convincing the both of you that they needed not only dinosaur chicken nuggets, but also mac and cheese, compromising with carrots as the required vegetable to go with their meal if they wanted the hot chocolate they had also requested for after dinner. 

“Uncle Javi, will you play reindeer with us while Auntie Bear finishes cooking?” Olivia asked, dangling her legs off the counter where Javi had put her after her request to help with placing the chicken nuggets on the baking sheet before they went in the oven. You smirked at Javi, holding Brianna on your hip as she fumbled with a noodle you had given her to play with while you stirred the mac and cheese. 

“Reindeer?” He asked, leaning against the counter next to Olivia, hand on his hip as he began to intently listen to her explanation. 

“Before Mommy and Daddy left, Bri Bri and I were reindeer and Daddy was Santa and he had to chase us back to help get ready for next Christmas!” Olivia stated, matter of factly, as if everyone should have already been aware of how to play. 

“Yeah, you dotta wun weeeellyyy fast!” Brianna chimed in, finally plopping the stray noodle into her mouth, chewing loudly in your ear. 

“What, are you saying I’m not fast enough, Missy?” You smiled at Olivia, making her giggle as you set Brianna down before giving her sides a tickle and picking her up off of the counter and placing her on the ground next to her sister. 

“No, it’s because Uncle Javi has to be Santa and you have to be Mrs. Claus so you can watch the baby elf.” She told you, pointing over at Lucas, sound asleep in his rocker, a mischievous grin on her face. “So Uncle Javi has to chase us or else we won’t be playing it right. Please Uncle Javi, will you play reindeer with us? Pleaseeeee?” Olivia pleaded, looking up at Javi, pouting her bottom lip, quickly joined by Brianna, stomping her feet in excitement. 

“Do we have enough time to play reindeer?” Javi grinned, raising an eyebrow at you as you stirred the pot simmering on the stove, looking over at your timer. 

“You guys have 6 minutes before dinner is done, got it?” You smiled at the girls as they began to squeal in delight. “But… Reindeer are extra fast if they eat carrots, so one carrot for each of you before you play okay?” You grabbed two carrot sticks from the bag on the counter, holding them out to the girls who gladly agreed at their newly promised speed. 

“Okay!” They chomped, Olivia stopping mid-bite, pointing towards Javi. “Doesn’t Uncle Javi have to eat a carrot, too?” She questioned, now debating the fairness of your carrot trick. 

“I thought Santa just got to eat cookies…” Javi grumbled, trying to get out of paying your carrot toll. 

“Oh, that is a good point, Olivia! Santa should have to eat some carrots, it’d be good for him.” You snickered, holding out a carrot stick for Javi, grimacing as he crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to take it from you, knowing that you were well aware of his disdain for this particular vegetable. 

“Last time I checked, Santa doesn’t like carrots.” 

“Last time I checked, Santa was a good role model for his reindeer who ate his carrots and didn’t complain about it.” You shoved the carrot in Javi’s face, laughing to yourself as he rolled his eyes, painfully taking it out of your hand, looking at it with regret before taking a bite. Javi tried his best to hide the disgusted look on his face as he chewed, letting out a gulp as he swallowed, trying to play off how much he had hated every second of what he had just done. 

“Wow, SO good.” Javi glared at you as the two girls took off running out of the kitchen, screaming and screeching for Javi to come catch them while you looked back at him with a smug smile, shrugging playfully. “You make me eat another carrot and I’m on the next flight home to Texas.” 

“UNCLE JAVI YOU HAVE TO COME CATCH US NOW!” Olivia yelled from the next room over, you and Javi peeking out from the kitchen to see her and Brianna doing laps around the living room. 

“You are such a baby. A 3 and 6 year old complained less than you did. Now go, you have some very fast reindeer to catch, Santa. Don’t make me give you another carrot.” You giggled as you pressed up on to your tiptoes, cupping Javi’s cheek as you gave him a quick kiss, Javi wrapping his hand around the back of your head to hold you there a moment longer, his voice low and hushed as his lips barely parted from yours. 

“Careful what you ask for, baby. Can’t give you my North Pole later if I’m all the way back in Laredo cause you made me eat another fucking carrot.” With a wink and another quick peck on your cheek, Javi pulled away, making his way towards the girls in the living room as you gave him the most over dramatic roll of your eyes you could conjure. 

“JAVIER PEÑA. You are the most ridiculous person I have ever met, I swear to God.” 

You had most definitely let more than your promised 6 minutes go by as you stood in the entrance to the living room, watching Javi chase Olivia and Brianna in circles around the couch, the 3 of them laughing and smiling as he would purposely let them pass him, only to grab them both a few moments later, tossing them onto the cushions before the girls crawled over the sides of the sofa to escape again.

 It was a good thing you hadn’t watched him hold Lucas yet, because the sight of him playing with your nieces alone was enough to have you weak in the knees, thinking about how goddamn sweet he was with them, and much sweeter it would be once it was your own kids, not just Olivia and Brianna. 

You were so in love with this man, it physically hurt. 

The four of you chatted away at dinner, listening to Olivia talk about her class party at school, what gifts they had gotten for Christmas, and what toys they were most excited to show you from Santa. Your reindeer trick had worked wonders to get them to eat the rest of their carrots, along with their nuggets and macaroni, the girls both very adamantly reminding you that they could get their hot chocolate now that they had finished all of their dinner. 

You and Javi had agreed there had been plenty of reindeer chasing for the night, and with it starting to get late, that you all could pick a movie to watch while drinking your coco as the last activity before getting the girls to bed. You helped Olivia and Brianna get changed into their pajamas and put Lucas down for bed while Javi finished cleaning up the rest of dinner and starting the hot chocolate. 

As the girls paraded back out into the living room in their matching snowman pajamas, they shrieked in delight to see that Javi had somehow managed to find every spare pillow and blanket in your parent’s house, making a giant, cozy nest in front of the couch, complete with the glow of your parent’s Christmas tree in the background, and mugs of hot chocolate resting on the TV stand waiting for them. A few minutes later after putting Lucas down to bed, you followed behind, hearing their giggles and squeals as they nestled into the comfy pile on the ground, Javi sitting on the sofa waiting for you. 

“Auntie Bear, look! Uncle Javi made us a blanket pile! And he put extra whipped cream in our hot chocolate!” Olivia beamed, whipped cream smeared across her face as he smiled at you. 

“Da hot chocwate is weelllyyy yummy!” Brianna joined in, her whipped cream mustache almost as thick as Javi’s real one. 

“If they’re up at midnight, I’m telling Charlie and Natalie it was your fault.” You whispered to Javi as you sat down next to him, Javi automatically wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you curled up in the broadness of his grasp. 

“You’re the one who promised them hot chocolate, Osita.” He whispered back, giving you a little nudge and a wink. 

“Not hot chocolate and half a can of whipped cream on top.” 

You rolled your eyes at him, laughing to yourself as you watched the girls chug the rest of their drinks, passing Javi the remote to the TV. “The girls voted for Rudolph The Rednosed Reindeer.  I told them I met some really cool reindeer earlier, but they kept trying to run away from Santa. I wonder if they’re in this movie too.“ 

“Oh my goodness, Olivia and Brianna are my favorite reindeer that pull Santa’s sleigh, you saw them earlier? I’m so sad I missed them!” You and Javi smiled as Olivia and Brianna broke out in hysterical giggles. 

“No Uncle Javi and Auntie Bear, that was us! We’re not really reindeer, Uncle Javi was just being silly.” Olivia laughed, her cheeks turning pink and rosy from her grin. 

“He is very silly, isn’t he? You ready for the movie, my favorite little reindeers?” 

It wasn’t long before the giggles and sing-alongs of Rudoplh had quickly turned to soft, sleepy snores from Olivia and Brianna, curled up in their blankets and snuggled up with their stuffed animals long before the film had finished. 

“I think you wore these reindeer out, Jav.” You smiled, looking down at the girls sound asleep, tucked away in the piles of pillows around them. 

“I think those reindeer wore me out. Jesus, I gotta stretch before I do that next time or I’m gonna throw out my back.” The two of you quietly laughed to yourselves, Javi resting his hand on your thigh, squeezing it gently. The two of you turned your heads as you heard a muffled cry coming from the baby monitor you had set on the end table near the couch, realizing that Lucas was awake, and needed something. 

“You wanna come with me to check on him?” You grunted, pushing yourself to stand from the couch, carefully stepping over your nieces, tucked away in the sea of pillows and blankets at your feet. 

“You sure they’re okay out here by themselves?” Javi gestured over to the girls, both sound asleep. 

“Jav, I’m pretty sure a tornado could blow through this house right now and they’d sleep through it. C’mon.” 

Sneaking quietly down the hallway into the guest room, you gently pushed open the door to the sounds of a wailing Lucas, writhing in his pack-n-play, tiny fists shaking in the air. “Oh c’mere, handsome.” You cooed, reaching down to pick up Lucas, hugging him against your chest as you bounced him up and down. “What’s the matter, bub?” You continued rocking, giving him a little kiss on the head as you held him. “Well, it’s not his diaper, and I just changed it after the girls put on their pajamas.” You shrugged, talking to yourself, tilting your head down to sniff near his tiny bottom, free of any suspicious scents. “I fed him then too. The little guy was out cold after that. What’s goin’ on, sweetie? Maybe you need to be burped again, ya little gassy monster. Here, Jav, can you hold him while I go get the burp cloths from the diaper bag?” 

The way you had picked Lucas up, you had your back to Javi, talking to your little nephew without even looking over at your fiancé. You figured he probably just hadn’t heard you, and had mistaken your question for him with the babbling you had been doing with Lucas. “Jav?” You asked again, this time turning around to face him, greeted by the awestruck look on Javi’s face, eyes wide and jaw slack as he stared you up and down. 

“Hmmmm?” He asked, shaking his head, letting out a loud gulp as the Adam's apple of his throat bobbed in his neck. 

“Can you hold Lucas while I go get something from his diaper bag?” You smirked, raising an  eyebrow at him, dying to know the thoughts swirling in his brain that had his face looking as dumbfounded as it did right now. 

“I uh, yeah- um, yeah, I can.” Javi responded, now looking flustered and nervous as you outstretched Lucas towards him. “Do you trust me to hold him?” He asked, reaching his hands out to take Lucas from you, his question quiet and sheepish. You cocked your head in confusion as you stared back at him. 

“Baby, of course I do? Do you not wanna hold him? You don’t have to if-” 

“No, I do, I just- He’s- I don’t wanna hurt him or anything- I don’t- I don’t think I’ve ever held a baby this small.” 

Javier Peña was a man who had faced many dangerous things in life- the cartel, violence, drugs, literal life or death decisions- Things that would make the average person tremble in fear, that Javi had learned to deal without a second thought. Yet, the prospect of holding a tiny, 3 month old baby in front of his future wife had Javi more nervous than he could remember being in the past decade. 8 months ago, he had no plans of ever finding someone, let alone plans to get married, or to have children of his own. Now, he wanted nothing more to give you a family- fuck, he’d give you all the kids you want, but that meant the reality of this future prospect was finally starting to sink in with Javi. 

He was terrified to be a dad. 

Not because he didn’t love you. Not because he didn’t want to be (because fuck, did he want to be), but because the idea that the tired, worn, and damaged man he’d written himself off to be was supposed to raise, protect, and nurture the tiny, little person the two of you would someday bring into the world scared the shit out of him. And all it took was you outstretching your crying newborn nephew in front of him for that earth shattering reality to sink in. 

“Javi…” You sighed, almost laughing to yourself with how worried your sweet fiancé was about being so careful with Lucas. “Baby, it’s okay. Here, why don’t you go sit down on the chair that’s over there and I’ll hand him over to you. We can take standing out of the equation if it makes you feel better.” Javi nodded, quickly sitting himself down on the oversized, cushioned chair in the corner of the guest bedroom. Bouncing Lucas a few more times to try and ease some of his tears before handing him over to Javi, you passed him off to his outstretched arms, carefully cradling him along his chest and shoulder. “You got ‘em?” You smiled, watching Javi’s eyes light up as he held Lucas, his tension visibly starting to ease once he was in his grasp. “I’ll be right back, okay?” 

You had no choice but to hightail it out of the guest room without looking at Javi for too long, knowing you would very much need to brace yourself for the image of Javi holding a baby before returning, considering you were going to absolutely crumble like a piece of paper the moment you really got a good look at him. 

As soon as Lucas was settled in Javi’s arms, his crying immediately began to ease, Javi gently rocking him in hopes that it would help to settle him down more. “Shhhhhh, hey, it’s okay, big guy.” Javi whispered, grinning to himself as he gazed down at Lucas’s bright eyes and rosy cheeks. “Fuck, you are cute. Sorry, I probably shouldn’t swear in front of you. Well, I don’t know, you’re a baby, you can’t understand anything I’m saying, can you?” Chuckling to himself, Javi leaned further back into the chair, pressing Lucas’s weight against his chest, resting the width of his large palm over his tiny head and back. “You think your Aunt’s gonna let me give her one of you soon? I sure hope so.” 

Turning the corner down the hallway back into the guest bedroom, you were 100% correct in realizing that there was no amount of mental preparation you could have done to brace yourself for the sight that was your future husband, snuggling and smiling with your nephew, who on top of everything else, had also gotten him to somehow stop crying. 

Jesus Christ, you were so fucked and needed him to give you 14 children today.  

“Wow, I leave for 30 seconds and you get him to stop crying?” You smirked, biting down on your lip as Javi looked over at you leaning in the doorway, holding your stack of brightly colored cloths from Lucas’s bag. “I didn’t know you were a baby whisperer, too.” 

“I didn’t think I did anything, I just held him and he stopped. He’s been fine since you left.” Javi shrugged, gently combing his fingers through the wild, sleepy ends of Lucas’s hair. 

“Alright, message received loud and clear, Baby Lucas, you like Uncle Javi better than me. A little rude, but alright.” You giggled, making your way next to Javi, standing beside him as you leaned down to press a kiss onto Lucas’s forehead before doing the same to Javi. “Well, I guess whatever was wrong, he’s fine now. He must have just needed you to hold him. Which, I really can’t complain about.” 

You should have felt at least a little guilty for subjecting your infant nephew to the now palpable tension flooding the guest room, completely lost in your own world as you soaked in every ounce of watching Javi cradle Lucas in his broad grasp, using all your self restraint to keep from pouncing on him. You were so lost in your fantasy, that you hadn’t even heard Charlie and Natalie make their way back through the front door, down the hallway and into the guest room. 

“You babysat and knocked both the gremlins on their asses out cold? Man, I really do owe you two.” Charlie’s voice startled you, making you gasp as you whipped your head around to see him standing in the doorway. “She’s got you on baby duty too, Jav? Goddamn, I owe you a beer, man. Honestly something stronger than that. Here, I’ll take him.” Charlie laughed, reaching out to grab his son as Javi slowly stood, carefully holding Lucas as he rose out of his seat, passing him off to your brother. “Thanks, man. You lookin’ to throw down tomorrow? David’s got the day off, and since dad’s retired, he has put every ounce of time and effort into the ice rink since the weather has gotten below freezing. I think he’s hoping the NHL will come and scout him for his backyard rink building skills.”

“Uh, yeah- yeah, for sure. We’re up for whatever.” You replied, still distracted by the sight of Javi, not even holding your nephew anymore, but the image still fresh and burning in your brain. “Hey, uh, did Mom and Dad say when they were gonna be home?” Watching Charlie collect Lucas’s things from the guest room in his free arm, you shot Javi a desperate look, filled with need and want, biting down on your lip to see his gaze match yours. 

Unaware of yours and Javi’s silent exchange, Charlie picked up Lucas’s bag, shuffling it on his shoulder as he responded. “Uh shit, I don’t know. I mean, they’re going out with Gary and Marcella, which means at this point, that Gary’s got dad 6 Irish Car Bombs deep and Mom and Marcella are probably asleep on the bar, my guess is not for a while.” He chuckled, giving you a suspicious look as you nodded in agreement, Charlie looking back and forth between you and Javi, now picking up on the undeniable tension. “Just don’t fuck in my old room, okay?” 

“Fuck off, Charlie. Your room still probably reeks of all your old hockey gear you refused to wash anyways.” You sighed, grimacing at him, trying to keep your face from turning any brighter red than it already was. 

“Night lovebirds. Thanks again for watching the gremlins. See you tomorrow?” He smirked, winking at you and Javi before slipping out the door, leaving you two standing alone in the guest room. 

“Good night, you guys! Thank you again!” Natalie shouted from down the hallway, you and Javi still standing frozen in place as you heard the front door open and close, locking behind your family traveling out of it. 

From the moment you knew the door was closed, you practically pounced on Javi, grabbing fistfulls of his shirt as your mouth met his with an electric intensity. Your lips crashed together as Javi ran his hands down your body, grabbing you under your thighs as your legs wrapped around the small of his back, hands tugging at the dark curls of his hair. “I need you so bad.” You moaned, your words barely escaping your lips above a whisper. 

“You sure your parents are gonna be home soon?” Javi groaned, making his way out of the guest room before carrying you down the hallway, your kisses still rushed and frantic as he made his way up the stairs towards your room. 

“What are we, 15? Charlie’s right, they’re both drunk off their asses so they won’t be back for hours, and even if they weren’t, I wouldn’t care. Fuck, watching you hold that baby did things to me.” Using his back to push open your bedroom door, Javi threw you down onto your bed, already shedding his shirt as you bounced on the mattress, a hungry look in his eyes as he reached down to practically rip your clothes off your body, tossing them in a heap on the floor. 

  “Yeah?” He smirked, hovering over you, trapping your body under his as he planted his hands into the mattress on either side of your head. He dipped his head down, slowly kissing his way up your body, his lips hot and heavy on your skin as they traveled up your stomach towards your breasts, swirling each pebbled nipple with his tongue, releasing with a wet pop, taking his sweet time as he worked his way up the exposed skin of your collarbone. “You like that? The thought of me putting a baby in you? Making me a dad?” You could feel his devilish grin pressed against your neck between his nips at your pulse point, basking in the power he knew his words had to make you lose your mind before even laying a finger on you. 

“Holy fuck…” You whimpered, already writhing beneath him, the ache building between your legs desperate to be filled even before Javi had begun whispering sweet nothings against your skin. “Javi, please, Jesus Christ.” You could feel yourself growing impatient as he toyed with you, working you up to the point of becoming unbearably needy before his hands had even met your body, getting you exactly where he wanted you. 

“Please what, Osita? Don’t think I heard you answer my question yet.” Javi mewled, a smug grin spreading across his face as he began to trail his kisses back down your body, finally bringing his hands to knead at the soft flesh of your breasts, rolling your nipples between his fingers, making you gasp, now only finding it harder to find the words for a coherent sentence. 

“Yes. Fuck. Fuck, I want you to put a baby in me so bad. Jesus, I’ll have as many of your babies as you want.” You paused, lifting your head up to watch Javi, sinking down to his knees at the end of the bed, nudging your legs open as he draped them over his shoulders, now satisfied with your answer. He looked up at you, noticing the equally big smirk on your face as you bit down on your lip. “You really want me to make you a daddy, huh?” 

Two could play at this game. 

As much as you joked about it, that one sent the blood flow straight to his cock, now painfully straining against the denim of his jeans, making him have to bite his tongue to keep from audibly groaning. “Fuckk meee.” He whispered, shaking his head before locking his arms over your legs, scooting you closer to him, now coming face to face with the worked up and dripping mess you had already become. “Seems like the answer to that question is already between your legs, baby. Pretty fucking pussy’s soaked and I haven’t even touched you yet.” 

“Javi, Jesus Christ, pleaseeeee.” You moaned, nearly bucking your hips at him in your desperate state. 

“Please, who?” Javi smirked, darting his eyes up at you, making you tremble as you felt the strong arch of his nose bump against your clit. 

“Seriously?” You huffed, rolling your eyes at Javi 1- for making you wait any damn longer, and 2- knowing the answer to his question, even if you only used it jokingly with him. Javi raised an eyebrow at you, letting out a little shrug that lifted your legs draped over his shoulders, waiting for your response. 

“Please, daddy.” 

“There ya go, baby.” 

“Asshole.” 

“Wasn’t planning on venturing there today, but can if you want me to.” 

“Jesus Christ… Javi, for the love of God, please, just fuck me. I am dying up here.” You sighed, laughing to yourself to ward off the impatient mess Javi had turned you into with his antics. 

“Wow, someone’s needy, hmmm? You want me to fuck you, sweet girl? Sure you don’t need me to-” 

“I need you so bad, Javi.” Sitting up on your elbows, you reached in front of you, trying to bend over the edge of the bed to prompt him to stand up so you could tug at the waistband of his jeans and unbutton his pants. Following your request, Javi rose up, now almost as frantic as you as he began to push his pants and his boxers down his legs, letting them pool around his ankles before stepping out of them, cupping his his hands around your cheeks, pressing his mouth against yours as his tongue swiped along your bottom lip. Just like that, his cool and collected facade had faded, leaving him just as worked up and wanting as you, his hands roaming every inch of your body before gently pushing you down to lay with your back on the mattress, prompting you to bring your knees to your chest as he stood at the edge of the bed. Reaching down to stroke himself, Javi lined his cock up with your dripping heat, collecting your arousal as his tip slid through your folds before pressing into you, the sweet stretch making you whimper. With how worked up you’d been, Javi slid in easily, flushing his hips against yours, his tip brushing along your cervix, pausing for a moment, buried deep inside of you. 

Before you could say anything, he pulled back out, setting a pounding pace as he thrusted in and out of you, his fingertips gripping at the meat of your thighs as they pressed against your chest. The fullness of his cock ramming into had you whining, your jaw going slack as stared up at Javi’s broad body hovering over you, the muscles of his arms flexing as he leaned further into you, snaking one of his hands between your legs to circle at your clit. “This what you wanted, Hermosa? Fuck you like the good girl you are? Fuck you like I’m gonna fuck a baby into you?” 

You nodded frantically, your mind going blank with each push and pull of his length sliding from your heat and rub of his fingers against your throbbing bundle of nerves, relishing in the sweet sound of Javi’s thighs slapping against yours, over and over. “Yes- fuck- oh my god, yes. Fuck, you feel so good, Javi. I want more. Baby, please, fuck me harder.” 

Your request had Javi’s eyes going wide, letting out a low groan through gritted teeth, his pace still relentless as he gazed down at you, watching you nod your head in silent reassurance. “Fuck. Turn around, Osita.” He hissed as he pulled out, watching you flip over as your chest laid on the mattress and stuck your ass out, Javi instinctively gripping his fingers into the soft flesh of your hips as he guided himself back into your cunt, the both of you moaning as he filled you with the delicious sting of his cock. He began snapping his hips against your ass, feeling you press yourself back deeper onto him with each thrust, knowing he was buried well within the spot that would have you teetering on the brink of coming undone. The lewd noises between your bodies fill the room- your hungry moans, the slapping of your skin, the wetness of your throbbing cunt as Javi pounded into you repeatedly, the filthy words falling from his mouth as he dug his fingers deeper into your hips.

“Fuck Javi, oh my god. Fuck, don’t stop. Don’t stop baby. Fuckkkk.” You whimpered, feeling the delicious tingle beginning to build at the base of your spine and your pussy starting to flutter. Javi wasn’t sure what it was- maybe it was the fact that you had practically begging him to fuck you, then give you more. Maybe it was watching you all fucked out and moaning beneath him. Maybe, it was the fact that watching you hold that baby made him want to give you your own. Whatever it was, something feral, almost primal ignited in him, reaching his arm underneath you to pull you up, pressing your back against his chest, wrapping his hands around your body, like he needed you as close as he could have you. One hand grasped at your breast, squeezing the plush skin between his fingers while the other draped across your waist, the heel of his palm rubbing against your throbbing clit as he feverishly fucked into you.  

 “I’m not gonna stop, Osita. Not gonna stop until you cum around my cock and I fuck myself so deep inside of you, I’m dripping out of you for days. Fuck myself so deep inside of you, maybe’ll fucking beat your birth control, huh? You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” 

You could feel your body beginning to tremble as the coil in your belly snapped, your orgasm ripping through you with an intensity that made your back arch against Javi’s chest, and legs shake, screaming his name as your cunt clenched tighter and tighter around his cock as the pleasure washed over you. It was only a few more thrusts before Javi was chasing his own high, ramblings of incoherent Spanish and English falling from his lips as he spilled deep inside of you, milking himself of every last drop with one final pump, feeling the mixture of your spend dripping down your thighs as your chests rose and fell in sync, the two of you trying to catch your breath as you hunched over against the bed. 

“Holy fuck…” You whispered, quietly laughing to yourself, laying face down on the bed as Javi grabbed the box of tissues from your dresser, unfamiliar where anything else was to help clean the two of you up, gently wiping the mess between your legs before throwing the wad of kleenex into the trash can. You crawled under the covers, smirking at Javi and biting down on the tip of your thumb as he made his way back to you. 

“What’s that look for?” He asked, chuckling to himself, sneaking under the covers next to you, squeezing his way into the cramped space that was your full-sized childhood bed. You draped your arm across his waist, resting your head on the bare skin of his chest, tracing gentle circles on his side as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder, pulling you in tighter. 

“Holding that baby really did something to ya, huh?” You giggled, giving him a little playful shake in your grasp. 

“Did something to me? Says the one who was literally begging me to fuck her from the moment your brother picked up the kids and left.” Javi chuckled, gently stroking the messy ends of your hair through his fingers, nudging you back. 

“Okay, but can you blame me? Have you seen yourself hold a baby? Jesus Christ, Jav.” The both of you laughed, laying together for a moment before you felt Javi take a deep breath, your face rising and falling with the exhale of his chest. 

“Do you- Do you ever worry that I’m not gonna be a good dad?” Javi mumbled, his shaky voice barely above a whisper as he fidgeted with his fingers, his thumb carefully running over his knuckles. You paused for a second, almost wondering if you had misheard him, tilting your head up at him, shocked by the genuine concern pooling in his dark brown eyes. You pushed up on your elbows, resting your hand on his cheek to force his gaze onto yours. 

“Javi… Baby, are you serious?” You couldn’t help but almost laugh at the question, wondering how in the world Javi could be asking it with sincerity. He sat silent for a moment, his eyes darting away from yours, a small frown drawn between his lips. “Javi. Of course I think you’re gonna be a good dad. Why- Jav, why would you think that?” You brought your other hand to his face, drawing his attention back to you, trying to reassure him with your soft and sweet voice. 

Javi let out another sigh, anxiously chewing on his lip. “I just- I don’t know. I’ve done a lot of fucked up things. Things I’m not proud of. Holding that baby today made me realize how goddamn terrified I am that I’m gonna do something to fuck up. I’d do anything for you or our family, I just- fuck. What if it isn’t enough? What if I’m not good enough?” 

You could almost feel your heart shatter from the dismay of Javi’s words, immediately wrapping your arms around him and squeezing him as tightly as you could to comfort him, resting your head in the crook of his neck. “Javier Jesús Peña. Look at me.” You grabbed his face again, forcing him to let out a little laugh at your sarcastically stern tone. “Javi, there is no one else on the face of this earth I want to be the father of my children more than you. And not just because you’re gonna be the hottest dilf I’ve ever seen.” 

“Dilf?” Javi raised an eyebrow at you in confusion. 

“Dad I’d like to fuck. Jav, you are the sweetest, most thoughtful man I have ever met. You are so good with Olivia and Bri and Lucas, the Murphy girls, even my class of buffoons you were so patient and kind to. The fact that you even care enough to worry about these kinds of things tells me you’re gonna be the most amazing dad. I love you, Javi.” You smiled softly, pressing a tender kiss onto his lips, twisting your fingers through the dark curls at the nape of his neck. 

“I love you too, Osita. God, you’re gonna be the best mom. Our kids are gonna be so fucking lucky.” Javi grinned, gently brushing a strand of hair out of your face, the tension beginning to release from his body. 

“Oh believe me, I worry all the time that I’m not gonna be a good mom either. Knowing what a little menace I was as a kid, plus all the crazy little demons I’ve worked with throughout teaching… I’ve learned a lot of ways to not be a good parent, but I still always worry that I’m gonna end up raising a little Miguel who tries to hot glue his hands together or shove crayons up his nose and makes his teacher wanna cry everyday.” The two of you laughed, shaking your heads thinking of some of the many horror stories Javi had heard and you had witnessed over the years from children you were very glad were only your responsibility for one school year. 

“I hope our kids are like you.” 

“Really? You want our kids to be sarcastic, stubborn pains in our asses?” You teased, giving Javi a little nudge. “They better get your good looks if they’re gonna have my personality.” 

“Shut up, you dork.” He sighed, prodding you back, gently tickling your ribcage, making you giggle and squirm before wrapping his arms back around you, pulling you tightly against his chest. “Sometimes I still can’t fucking believe it.” 

“Believe what, ya goof?” 

“This. You. That I’m gonna fucking marry you. That you wanna give me a family and spend the rest of your life with me. That you fucking love me. I’d thought I’d given up on all this shit a long time ago. I’m really glad I didn’t have to.” 

“I’m really glad you didn’t have to either.” 

“Jesus Christ, could you not be so loud?!” Your dad whined, scrunching his brow in pain as he rubbed his temples with the worn callouses of his fingers as you and Javi made your way down the stairs, meandering into the kitchen. 

“Good morning to you too.” You laughed, reaching up to grab coffee mugs for you and Javi, as he leaned down, patting your dad on the back to greet him. 

“Hey, good to see you Mr.-” 

“For fucks sake, please- Jav, buddy, I love ya, I swear to God, if you keep talking so loud, I’m gonna sock you in the face.” A dramatic wince spread across your dad’s brow, pinching the bridge of his nose, holding up his free hand to stop Javi from speaking any further. 

“Fun night last night?” You snickered, setting down a warm cup of coffee for you and Javi as the two of you pulled up chairs at the kitchen table where your dad was sulking. 

“Well someone seems to think that every time he goes out drinking with Gary, he’s 21 again and isn’t going to suffer the consequences of endless Irish Car Bombs the next day.” Stumbling into the kitchen to join you, your mom grumbled as she wrapped her robe tighter around her chest, her look equally as disheveled as your dad’s. “Good to see you two, but what your dad said, not so loud, please.” Your mom sat down next to you, letting out a loud groan, reaching over to steal a swig of Javi’s coffee. “Sorry honey, you’re family now, and I’m hungover as shit.” 

“The coffee’s all yours.” Javi chuckled, pushing the mug over to your mom. 

“So what are all you idiots up to today?” Greg mumbled, taking a sip of his own coffee, trying his best to be interested in your presence, despite his pounding headache. 

“About to put that ice rink of yours to good use, old man.” David laughed, hands outstretched for high fives from you and Javi as he burst through the front door towards the kitchen. 

“Will you keep it down, you motherfucker? You won’t be alive to make it to the backyard if you keep screaming like that.” You could feel the annoyance radiating from your dad as he buried his face in his hands.

“Love you too, dad.” David snickered, giving your dad a hearty slap on the back, playing into his post-drinking pain. 

“Do you guys actually have an ice rink in your backyard?” Javi asked, trying to peer out the window over the kitchen sink to see if this was just your family trying to pull one over on him. 

“Yes, actually. Since we have such a big backyard, my dad decided to build one when Charlie first started skating, and it’s been there every winter ever since. I’m pretty sure Dad loves that rink more than he loves his own kids.” You laughed, rolling your eyes as Charlie slapped your dad, making him let out a long, exasperated sigh. 

“Honey, that is not true, your dad loves you very much!” 

“Right now I love the rink more than them. You know why? Because the rink is silent. It’s not yelling in my goddamn ear. She’s a beauty this year. Best it’s ever looked.” Your dad nodded, a slight grin building under the pain of his hangover. 

“I’ll believe it when I see it, Gregory.” Standing up out of his chair, David grabbed your dad by the shoulders, giving him another hardy slap on the back before heading back to the front door, returning with his skates, hockey gloves, and stick. “You guys ready? Charlie and Olivia should be here soon too.” 

“Only if you’re ready for me to kick your ass.” You smirked, joining David as you stood, leaving Javi still sitting in his chair, looking utterly terrified. “C’mon!” Outstretching your arm towards Javi, encouraging him to stand up with you and your brother, he slowly pushed himself out of his chair, wearily looking back and forth between the both of you. 

“I don’t uh- I don’t have any skates?” Javi grimaced, trying to think of an excuse for the inevitable embarrassment he knew he would be subjected to if anything other than shoes were on his feet. 

“Don’t worry, you’re not getting out of this one so easily, Jav. If there is one thing my parents will never get rid of, it’s skates, and I’m pretty sure we have at least one pair in every size known to man in the basement. You two go change, I’ll grab the gear.” David snickered, sneaking his way between you two towards the basement stairs, loudly pounding down each step. 

“Not so loud David, Jesus! Your feet are made of fucking cement!” Greg sighed, laying face down into the table, you and Javi trying to contain your laughter as you headed back upstairs to change. 

The forecast for today called for sunny skies and just below freezing- the type of day that was made for outdoor fun in the snow that came few and far between in Chicago’s cold and cloudy winters. Shuffling through your bag, you pulled out your thickest pair of leggings, along with a heavy heather gray hoodie, topped with one of the 3 Blackhawks jerseys still stashed at home in your childhood bedroom and your favorite Blackhawks beanie that had gone untouched since you had moved to Texas, not feeling the need to bring warm weather accessories with you. 

“Do you put the coat on over the jersey?” Javi asked, shuffling through his suitcase, looking for another layer to add over his long sleeved shirt, trying to brace himself for more than 30 seconds out in the cold. 

“Nope, no coat. It’s a balmy 29 today, Jav, that’s no jacket weather. Welcome to a midwest winter, babe.” You laughed, pressing up on your tiptoes to give him a quick kiss as you readjusted your hat on your head, making your way out the door, letting out a squeal as Javi brought his hand down to your ass, giving it a playful slap. 

“You look fucking hot in that jersey.” Javi bit down on his lip as he looked you up and down, raising an eyebrow at you as you whipped your head back around. 

“If you think trying to butter me up with compliments is gonna get you out of putting skates on, you are sadly mistaken, Mr. Peña.” You giggled as Javi pulled you back in, wrapping his arms around your hips, planting another soft kiss on your lips, his hand cupping your face. 

“A man can try, can’t he?” 

“C’mon, goofball, it’s hockey time.” 

“Auntie Bear, Auntie Bear! Watch me do my backwards skating! Watch, watch! I’m getting so good!” Olivia squealed as she watched you and Javi make your way out to the backyard through the path that had been plowed from the house to the homemade ice rink, which, all credit to your dad, looked better than any year you could remember it before. You and Javi clapped and cheered as you watched Olivia clumsily glide backwards across the ice, making it about halfway before plopping on her bottom and falling. “Oops! Okay, Auntie Bear, pretend you didn’t see that part!” 

“Nice job, Missy! You’re gonna be skating faster than me soon!” You grinned, sitting yourself down on the worn picnic table that had been your family’s skate tying station for more than 2 decades, pulling out your skates, gloves and stick, along with the pair David had picked out for Javi. You kicked off your boots, slipping on your skates and yanking the laces, the familiar squeeze of your foot inside for the first time in over a year bringing a childlike grin to your face. “You want any help?” You asked, looking over at Javi, unconfidently lacing up the rest of his skates. 

“I can help you, Uncle Javi! I’m helping Bri Bri learn how to skate since she doesn’t know how to either!” Olivia shouted from the other side of the rink, waving her arms at the two of you. 

“Just need help not getting my pride bruised by a 6 year old who can skate better than I can.” Javi sighed, pressing his hands on his thighs as he stood up, trying his best not to wobble at the lack of stability. “You have to promise not to laugh at me…” Taking another step towards the rink, Javi mumbled under his breath, looking over at you. 

“I promise… To only laugh a little.” You smirked, speeding off across the ice, using your stick to grab one of the pucks from the pile that had formed along the edges of the snowbank walls. Dragging it along the frozen surface, you weaved it between Charlie’s legs without him even noticing, speeding past him before he even had a chance to stop you. David, who could now see you coming, put himself in the way of your path, holding his stick out to try and snatch your puck for the rest of your lap. Cradling it in your stick, you shuffled the black rubber back and forth, giving it a backhanded nudge, spinning around and taking the puck with you as you flew past your brother. Making your way around the last curve of the rink, you swooped around, facing yourself towards the net, drew your stick back and slapped the puck into the goal. 

“She shoots, she scores! Go Auntie Bear!” Olivia squealed, pumping her fists in the air as you skated back around to grab her, hoisting her up off the ice, giving her a little shake before gently setting her down and making your way back to Javi. 

“Showoff…” Javi laughed, trying his best to roll his eyes despite his genuine admiration for how impressed he was with what he had just watched you do. 

“Sorry, I’m done now. Gotta put everyone back in their place now that I’m home.” You smirked, giving Javi a little shrug as you nodded towards the rink. “C’mon-I promise I won’t laugh at you, I swear. At least for the first part.” 

You weren’t sure if it was Javi trying to muster every ounce of athletic talent that he had in his body, or simply the fact that he was just as stubborn as you (even if he wouldn’t admit it), but after only a few wipeouts (and some helpful tips from Olivia), Javi making his way around on skates well enough to not be completely embarrassed for his first time on the ice. It didn’t take long for skating to turn into grabbing fist fulls of snow from the edge of the rink, pressing them into snowballs and hurling them at one another, all of you slipping and sliding across the ice in laughter and hysterics from your battle. After a quick break inside for hot chocolate, Olivia had somehow roped you and Javi back outside to build a snowman before she went home, insisting that her Uncle Javi needed to learn how to make one since he never had before.  

3 hefty balls of snow and several carefully selected sticks later, your snowman was nearly complete, You, Javi and Olivia taking a step back to admire your work, assessing what final touches needed to be added before you could call your project completed. “Alright, cutie pie. What else does our snowman need so we can finish?” You asked, shaking Olivia’s shoulders as she took her mitten covered hands to scratch her head, deep in thought as she analyzed your creation. 

“Hmmmmm. It still needs eyes… and a nose… and a name!” Olivia beamed, looking up at you and Javi. 

“Well, I think we can find some rocks for eyes, and I bet you can ask Grandma and Grandpa for an extra reindeer carrot for the nose, and we’ll let you decide on the name, Little Miss!” You smiled as Javi draped his arm over your shoulder, pulling you in closer to press a little kiss onto your beanie while Olivia had turned back around to gaze at her snowman. 

“I think… I think that his name should be Uncle Patrick! So that way he can still be here because I bet he misses playing hockey, and he’s really close to the ice rink. Do you think he misses us, Auntie Bear?” 

Over the past year, you had learned to deal with the comments and questions about your brother with less pain and suffering and more acceptance and forgiveness. Unfortunately, there was nothing from the past year that could have prepared you for the sucker punch that was your sweet, 6 year old niece, who didn’t even fully grasp the concept of death, let alone the reason why he was gone, to ask if your dead brother missed her. You took a shaky breath, trying to compose yourself before you spoke, fighting back the tears that had instantly begun welling in your eyes and pit growing in your stomach. 

“I uh- yeah, um. Yeah. I do think he misses us, Olivia.” You mustered everything you could to spread somewhat of a smile as Olivia turned back around towards you and Javi, a puzzled, sad look growing across her little face. 

“Then why did he have to leave if he misses us? Did he not love us?” 

You weren’t quite sure how a tiny voice had left such a big hole in your heart. You tried to find any words to answer her innocent question, racking your brain for ways to provide any explanation that you could rationalize to her, or yourself. 

“Well, um…” You paused, taking a moment to get down on her level, almost as if to try and find a way to buy yourself more time to formulate your response. “Um- Olivia- Your Uncle Patrick… he was really sick. Not in a way that you get sick when you have a cold, or the flu, but sick in a way that makes your brain and your heart really sad. He did love us. He loved us a lot. But sometimes- sometimes when people are sick like how Uncle Patrick was- It… it doesn’t matter how much they love you, or you love them. Their heart hurts so much that they can’t see it. It- it hurt his heart less to leave than to stay.” 

A bitter silence hung in the air, the wetness from your eyes cold against your cheeks from the sting of the December breeze. You could feel the weight in your heart tugging towards the pit of your stomach from your painful admittance. You took a shaky breath, waiting for someone to say something, anything, before the hurt in your own heart built enough for you to lose your composure and burst into tears. You could almost hear the gears in Olivia’s little brain turning, her head gently tilted to the side, leaving you holding your breath as you waited for her response. She let out a little sigh, staring at the ground before staring back up at you. 

“I miss him, Auntie Bear.” 

“I miss him too, Olivia.” 

Reaching her arms up, Oliva wrapped herself around your waist, tightly hugging your hip, pressing her face into your jacket. The two of you stood there for a moment, tears welling in your eyes as you engulfed your niece in your grasp.

“Olivia! Time to go, munchkin! Momma’s gonna be mad if we’re late for dinner!” Charlie yelled, peeking his head out of the doorwall to the back porch, the glow of the house gently shining into the snow against the slowly darkening sky. 

“Okay, Daddy!” Olivia called back, lifting her head up from against your coat where her face had been resting. “Bye Auntie Bear! Love you!” 

“Uh-yeah, yeah, bye Cutie. Love you, too.” You stammered, choking back your tears, staring at the unfinished snowman in front of you. 

“Olivia, why don’t uh, why don't I take you inside, okay?” Javi chimed in, gently wrapping his arm around Olivia’s shoulder, ushering her towards the house, shooting you a sympathetic smile, trying to find a way to give you a moment to yourself. The two of them made their way back to the house, stomping through the snow as you were left alone, silent sobs heaving from your chest. The longer you looked at the three snowballs piled on top of each other, the wetter your face became, the unfinished piles of snow, just as unfinished as the life Patrick could have had ahead of him. So caught up in your grief and tears, you hadn’t heard Javi trudge his way back, immediately wrapping his arms around you as soon as he could reach you, holding you tightly as you sobbed into his coat. 

“Why’d he have to go? Why did it have to be him? It’s not fair. It’s not fucking fair. I miss him so much, Javi.” 

“I know, baby. I know.” Javi sighed, pulling you in closer, pressing you against his chest, letting you soak his jacket with your tears until you didn’t have any left, your breaths becoming slow and deep as you finally looked back up at him with your red, wet eyes. 

“Does it ever get easier? Does it ever stop hurting so much?” Your voice trembled, sniffing between each word, trying to pull yourself together. Javi paused for a moment, letting out a long exhale, his hot breath fogging against the cold December air. 

“It’ll- it’ll always hurt. I don’t know if it ever gets easier, but you learn how to live with it. But if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that being mad about it only makes it hurt more.” 

“Well I am mad at him, ‘cause he’s a fucking idiot.” You managed to let a small huff of laughter out between your tears, bringing your hand up to wipe your face, cheeks red and wet from your crying and the cold. “Sorry, I just… Olivia hasn’t talked about him a lot since he died, it- I was trying really hard not to think about it. Tomorrow will be one year since he’s been gone. It kinda all just hit me at once. Stupid fucking snowman.” 

 “Osita, you don’t have to apologize. It’s okay, baby. And hey, I think whoever made those snowballs did pretty good fucking job.” He smirked, giving you a little shake in his grasp, as the two of you looked back at the snowman.

“Yeah, he did alright.” You let out a little laugh, poking fun at Javi’s work before turning as you heard David’s footsteps clunking his way through the snow, making his way towards you. 

“Olivia make you cry about the stupid snowman, too?” David sighed, gesturing at your messy wet face before nodding back at the snowman, the 3 of you silently laughing to yourselves. “God, I miss that stupid motherfucker.” 

“Yeah. Me too.” 

“You missed out on the best rink Dad’s ever made, shithead. Your loss. You’re lucky your niece is nice enough to still want to include you. Serves you right she left you with skinny ass twig arms and an unfinished face.” David huffed, playfully kicking a pile of snow at the snowman, crossing his arms over his chest. “Jesus, I can’t believe I’m shit talking my dead brother beyond the grave through a fucking pile of snow.” 

“Like he wouldn’t do the same for you?” You smirked, giving David a punch on the arm as he rolled his eyes at you, shoving you back with enough force to make you stumble, toppling you over into a laughing heap in the snow. Sitting up, you looked over at the hockey rink, shimmering in the overcast of the porch lights, covered in the pucks and sticks that had been left from earlier. You smiled, pushing yourself out of the snow, making your way over to the ice and picking up one of the hockey sticks, dragging it back with you before propping it up against the frame of the snowman to make it look like he was holding it. “Can’t say we didn’t at least try to include you, jackass.” 

You let out a long exhale, nodding to yourself, a small smile drawn between your lips as you looked back at David and Javi, giving them a reassuring grin before turning around to head towards the house. Giving their own silent nod to the snowman, David and Javi followed behind, the 3 of you trudging through the white, fluffy snow, crunching under your boots.

The rest of your time at home, you couldn’t help but find yourself peeking out the back porch window, a silent smile creeping across your cheeks as you watched gentle white flakes fall on the snowman sitting in your yard, hockey stick resting in its twig hand as it sat next to your rink. It was a sight that somehow hurt and healed you at the same time. It pained you to know that a half-assed snowman in your backyard would be the closest you’d ever get to having your brother around again- that just like him, one day, as the weather turned, your snowman would start to fade away, melt into the earth, and disappear, never to be seen again.

But, just as seasons come and go, bringing change with each new month, you couldn’t help but feel your heart grow warm as you looked out at the rounded piles of snow stacked on one another- Patrick’s passing had forced you to change, to grow, to become a stronger person than you were a year ago. Change that had started off as fear and heartache, that somehow turned into the best thing that could have ever happened to you. Change that helped you find the love of your life when you least expected it. While Javi could never replace Patrick, his presence in your life, and your family’s life, had filled a void that all of you didn’t know you needed until he was in it. And while you’d never stop wishing you could have changed the end to your brother’s story, you knew he’d be smiling looking down on you, knowing the end of his story helped to change yours for the better.

Taglist:

@cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @blackfemalenerd @deppydelta @beware-my-thorns

[xx-slug-xx]

antis think basic online safety is bad

like they talk so much about pedophilia/online grooming but don’t share stuff like red flags to look out for, then they think not telling anyone your age or putting “minor” in bio is also bad

And speaking of minors, I know of a minor who is very deep down in the pro/anti discourse and is “protected” by adults. The worst thing is that I know way too much personal info about them (because of what they posted online), and of course I’m not going to do anything with this info but imagine if someone else who is dangerous had this info, and they don’t care

their adult moots went after me for pointing out how DANGEROUS this is. This minor also made a face reveal twice because they thought proshippers were stalking them, and fully grown ADULTS surround them and see nothing wrong with it

I can’t prove anything, but I highly suspect something weird is going on

There was a post going around not long ago of some antis literally telling people not to share online safety stuff online too. Shits crazy and I can’t believe these are the people that say we’re the bad guys

It’s really not cool that so many minors on the internet rn are growing up thinking it’s completely fine to share personal info, such as what school they go to, their family members, full legal name, and their literal home address (yes, these are all things I’ve seen fairly recently).

I see a lot of it coming from anti spaces, and the fact that so many adults who claim to be “safe” aren’t even remotely mentioning to these kids that “hey, maybe don’t do that because it can easily get into the wrong hands”. It’s really alarming. How “safe” can these people be when they want minors to be comfortable sharing their personal info, even photos of their real life faces

This next part is absolutely disgusting btw, saw someone (completely unrelated to the above statements but still relevant) claim that we should have “more minors posting pics of themselves so more ai generated CSEM can be created”. They defended it by saying “so the market for real CSEM goes down and less kids are actually hurt”. No excuse for that sort of behavior, and it’s still exploiting minors. And it’s why minors NEED to be careful of what they post online (but it goes for adults too!)

[ode2cheol]

here for you

hurt/comfort, mention of minor family arguments

this being my first joshua fic… fakest joshushushu ever 😞 based off very REAL events that took place if my group members are reading this I HATE YALL 🗣️‼️💯

“baby, will you please talk to me?” your boyfriend joshua sighed, asking the same thing for the twelfth- not that you were counting- time, “if you don’t talk to me then i won’t know what i did to make you so upset-”

“shua,” you said bringing a finger to his lip to shush him for a second, “i promise the reason i’m upset has nothing to do with you, babe”

“so you admit you are upset” joshua said, hand coming to wrap around your own, “yn please, tell me what’s up”

you looked at him for a few seconds, no idea where exactly to start. it had been the worst week you’ve ever had and it’d just started.

the others in your group project made absolutely zero efforts. meaning you had to spend an all nighter and two whole days working on the project yourself from scratch just so you’d meet the deadline date. on top of that, as much as you would’ve wanted to get their credit taken off, there was no way your professor would care enough to take what you were saying into consideration.

your family had also been getting on your last nerve lately, making a problem out of every little act and criticising your every move. it’d usually not be much of a problem, but when you were thrown into arguments against your will over it, you realised just how tedious the whole thing was.

and you were pretty sure you were coming down with a flu just as the cherry on top.

you let out a deep breath you didn’t know you were even letting in, “shua, there’s just been a lot on my plate lately but trust me, there’s nothing you need to worry about. whatever it is that’s bothering me is nothing worth bothering you over”

“yn, look at me” he placed both his hands on either of your cheeks, gently moving your head in place so you couldn’t avoid his gaze, “i don’t know what made you think that you not bottling things up was bothering me, but i promise baby it’s not. i enjoy being there for you just like how you like being there for me”

“i know it’s just it’s stupid, i just don’t want to accidentally annoy you or something, after the week i’ve had the last thing i need is for the love of my life to hate me too” you sighed, letting your head bury itself in the crook of joshua’s neck, words becoming slightly muffled.

“its literally tuesday the week just started..? but regardless, baby like i said i could never hate you, so please don’t ever think you’re a burden on me, okay?” he rubbed your back, placing a kiss on the crown of your head

“okay”

“okay. now go sit baby. i’ll make you some tea and we can talk”

[burlesqueabsurdist]

Supposedly Trench coat mafia “member” AMA on reddit

Suspected to possibly Eric Dutro 

Eric Dutro yearbook photo 1997

I can not confirm or deny if it is Eric Dutro, nor do I feel the need to.

I can also not confirm if it's authentic.

Q=QUESTIONER

A=ANSWER (FROM OP)

(Number)= A number of the questioner to identify differences in who's asking.

_________________________________________

“I am a former member of the Trench Coat Mafia. Ask me Anything.”

Q(1):

How strange is it getting older? Does high school even feel like it really happened?

A:

It’s really weird. I doubt I’ve peaked as a person yet but it still kinda feels like my glory days are behind me.

It feels normal whenever I think about normal stuff, but whenever i remember that I’m part of a lore surrounding one of the most infamous schools in America, I kinda start to dissociate.

Q(2):

Do you know about or follow r/columbine ?

A:

I’m subscribed to the sub on my main account, and I follow it, but I never comment on anything because

1. I don’t want people to dig up info on my from my personal account and

2. I doubt anyone would believe me without me doing a whole lot of explaining, which I’m doing here. I cross posted this post there and it should be approved by the mods soon, so who knows? Maybe I’ll start to be able to inform people better.

Q(2):

I had crossposted this post to that sub a few minutes ago and it’s showing up, but would be nicer to see it posted from you. If yours shows up I will delete my cross-post’

A:

Thanks.

Q(3):

Did you really call yourselves the trench coat mafia? Were you there on the day of the shooting? What happened from your perspective if you were? What were Dylan and Eric like?

A:

According to our “mythos” some guy older than us wore a trench coat to school one day and a few people started copying him. One day some kid sarcastically asked them if they were a “Trench Coat Mafia” and the name stuck. So yes, to answer that question.

Nope. Skipping class to smoke weed and watch TV like a bunch of kids were doing that day.

This is the big one. Dylan was a real intimidating looking guy on the outside, but didn’t seem that threatening if you actually talked to him. The guy radiated intelligence and I believed for some time that he was some kind of savant due to his problem solving ability. He would literally be one of the last people I expected to go postal like that. Eric, on the other hand, was just a standard guy. Real talkative and charismatic. Lots of girls liked him even though he wasn’t anywhere near the top of the social hierarchy and I’m sure he was aware of it. I remember another guy in TCM telling me that brooks brown had reported him to the police because he threatened to kill his entire family or something but I didn’t believe it because brooks sort of had a reputation as a compulsive liar. After the shooting though, I realized there were probably signs of narcissism or a god complex that I just didn’t pick up.

Q(3):

Thanks for answering. This is fascinating to me, I got very involved in this case a few years back. Did you ever know the shooters family or home life? I’m mostly interested in Eric, as his parents did not speak out or anything after the incident. Did any of your friends get injured in the shooting

Never met the Harris’s or Dylan’s dad but I did meet Dylan’s mom a couple of times. I would seriously consider her one of the nicest ladies I ever met. I still feel terrible for her getting blamed for the shooting because it truly wasn’t her fault Dylan turned out the way he did.

A:  

You’re welcome.

I had a few acquaintances get hurt, no real friends, although I assume due to how closely knit our friend group was they would’ve been aiming for them.

Q(4):

 How was the situation with weed at Columbine? Did only certain groups smoked or did everyone and how easy was it to get?

A:

Weed was very easy to get, lots of people would literally sell inside the school (myself included). As for how many people were smoking weed regularly, I wanna say maybe 20% of the entire student population during the time I went to school there.

Q(4):

Thank you for taking the time to anwser, i had a few more questions regarding this topic if you would like to anwser them. Do you still smoke weed? What was the usual place where everyone would smoke? Did most people just smoked joints or bongs? And what did the other students think of the people who smoked weed?

Thanks in advance

A:

Yes

Wherever we could but usually a house (preferably without parents

Joints were easier to conceal but bongs still popped up from time to time.

The stoners were pretty much ignored by everyone else. I do remember when we got into a fight with the jocks once they teamed up with us and we whipped them. But otherwise, it was a pretty standard clique.

Q(4):

Thanks for the reply ! One more question about the group photo of the trenchcoat mafia, why are Dylan and Eric not on the picture?

A:

 They weren’t official “members” but they still hung out with us.

Q(2):

Do you still stay in touch with Sue K?

A:

I’ve seen her in passing once, but I just nodded to her. If I see her again I might strike up a conversation.

Q(5):

Are you still known as the "Kid that used to be part of the same group as the Columbine shooters" there in Littleton?

A:

Yes, but people hardly ever talk about it.

Q(6):

Do you think Chris Morris or anyone else knew it was gonna happen? He always seemed particularly suspicious to me. I assume that E&D asked him to participate and he said no and didn't believe they actually would do it. It would be crazy to me if nobody was told of the plans beforehand in a manner like that

A:

Fuck yes. Chris and some of the other guys were acting all weird starting in February, and a person who shall remain unnamed tried to get me to make pipe bombs under the pretense that they were going to "Blow stumps out of the ground". I refused, obviously.

I maintain to this day that some members of the TCM helped them plan the shooting and gather materials based on their behavior over those last couple months and how they were talking about some "event". If they were actually in the school? I don't know. I'm open to this theory based on what i know, and if anyone wants to give me some info or theories or whatever i might be able to link some stuff together. I know Pat Mcduffee tried telling me about how there were more people involved but i didn't really listen to him because i was still grieving Eric and Dylan.

Edit: I just remembered that Chris's mom was a cop. Really makes you think.

Q(7):

Do you believe the “Basement Tapes” were really destroyed? or know anything about the basement tapes?

A:

Honestly, I think Jeffco is just saying they were destroyed to get everyone off their back. I have no idea why they won’t release them, as the “copycat” excuse is complete bullshit because they made no effort to censor Eric’s webpages that literally had working instructions to build pipe bombs in them.

I hope someone is able to leak them or has a copy laying around somewhere, because they need to be released. I never saw them, but I repeatedly asked to and was denied several times.

Q(8):

Do you still live in the area?

A:

Around there, yes.

Q(9):

Did you all did activities like practicing with guns, or only some of you ?

I already met young and older people who dresses in black, but just hang out, without messing with others.

Black Trench coats where a trend in the 80's and 90's.

Did you regularly dress in black, or just wear the coats as school ?

Black clothing and trench coats still are stigmatized these days.

Note: I do care about the victims, not just the fashion stuff.

A:

Only some of us would. There were lots of members that couldn’t handle any violence. The go to location was a place over in Douglas county on a mountain, which is where Eric and Dylan filmed the “rampart range” video. I can actually point out a tree I shot with a sawn off in the first 30 seconds. Also, I assume they both got the pipe bomb idea from us, considering we would make those and ignite them out in the mountains and Chris was the first one to tell them that.

Regularly. Some of us didn’t actually wear all black along with our trench coats. I remember one guy would sometimes wear a tie-dye shirt under it. I doubt it was really about the color and more of just the way we wanted to be seen. I could’ve probably worn a brown one and been accepted.

Q(10):

what do you think about the “condoners” of the shooting?

edit: if i was unclear, i mean like the tumblr fangirls and edgy potential school shooters

A:

I can understand it, as it probably comes from a place of thinking they could fix them or prevent them from doing what they did. However, I doubt that if they were actually there at columbine as high school students they would’ve of even cared about them. Where I draw the line, though, is when you start to believe they were innocent or what they did was a good thing. It’s fine to be interested and research something, but it’s not okay to glorify or condone something like that.

Q(11):

 DELETED COMMENT

A:

Yes. Bullying culture at columbine was fucking awful and it had to have played a part in the shooting. Jocks once tossed a cup of horse shit on them and threw tampons soaked in ketchup at them. Brooks brown got hit in the head with a baseball bat by some jocks in a truck. They would literally try to set people clothes on fire.

And the big thing was, the school administration wouldn’t do shit about. I’m sorry, but at that time, CHS staff wouldn’t do shit if you were being bullied unless parents involved and made a scene. There was a case of a jock stalking some girl and her having to get a restraining order, and the school still tried to get him a football scholarship. I apologize for getting angry, but it still enrages me to this day the amount of bullshit that the kids the teachers liked got away with.

Q(12):

I got to watch Frank Deangelis speak at a conference several months ago. He's a very compelling speaker. What's your opinion of him, especially given the culture at Columbine at the time of the shooting?

Thanks for doing this!! I'm a school shooting witness/survivor and know just how hard it can be to speak up about.

A:

He’s obviously a changed man since the years before the shooting, and having 12 kids and a teacher die in the school you’re responsible for will do that.

I respect him for making that vow to stay as the principal all these years but It doesn’t take away from his inaction towards bullying beforehand.

Q(13):

Was bullying really bad at Columbine? Did you ever see Eric or Dylan get bullied? Did you ever see them bully anyone?

Did you know any of the victims or anyone who was injured?

Do you remember anything specific about them? Not in general, I mean like a time you hung out with them, a conversation you had with them, etc? Anything that really sticks out after the massacre?

What was Eric and Dylan’s friendship like? Did either seem to be influenced by or copy the other?

A:

Already answered that somewhere else.

Already answered. A couple of acquaintances.

Eric actually told a bunch of people his plans to bomb the school but I didn’t take it seriously. I might elaborate in an extra comment because I’m not in a really comfortable position to be making super long comments right now. As for Dylan, a couple of months before the massacre, I remember he asked me what i thought happened after we died while listening to Siamese Dream in his car. I replied that I assumed we just found some sort of peace and got to hang out with a bunch of other dead people and just chill. He told me that he hopes that it’s some kind of beautiful trip across the universe that you get to take with the people you love.

They just seemed like best friends. I thought it was kinda weird that they had so many differences yet were so close with each other, but I guess they hand their plans for a rampage tying them together.

Q(14):

At the time, did you expect Eric and Dylan to amass such a huge following like they have today?

What were you thinking when Sol Pais flew up to the Denver area and bought a shotgun a few days before the 20th anniversary, causing schools across the area to shut down?

A:

No. Didn’t even think they would be household names.

I felt bad for her. No one in the right state of mind buys a shotgun and threatens to shoot up a school for no reason.

Q(15):

Are you still friends with the other Trench Coat Mafia members ? What music did you guys listen to?

A:

The whole group dissolved after the shooting and I heavily distanced myself after I started to believe that they knew more about the massacre than they were letting on. I still know a handful of guys who were associates but a huge chunk of the actual TCM just fell off the map after 4/20.

There wasn’t a standard musical genre for the group. Vaguely, most of the members like industrial music and nu metal. Dylan liked NIN, and the chemical brothers. Eric like Rammstein and KMFDM. Eric liked some NIN songs but didn’t find them enthralling enough for him. Dylan was more open to different musical genres and I let him borrow one of my Slowdive CD’s once. I can go more in depth in music if you want me to

Q(15):

What do you mean exactly when you say " I started to believe that they knew more about the massacre than they were letting on." ?

I read about them listening to all those bands, except for Slowdive, interesting ! I thought they only liked industrial music.

Thanks for taking the time to answer x

A:

  When I get home I’ll make an in depth answer but let’s just say some very fishy shit was going  on with the TCM and it’s affiliates in the months leading up to the shooting.

Q(16):

Do you have any clue if they were into Aphex Twin?

A:

Funnily enough, i tried to turn Eric on to more electronic music by giving him selected ambient works and music has the right to children by boards of canada but he said it was too boring.

Q(17):

I can see how he wouldn't be the type to like these things. But I always thought he would be someone who would like "Come to Daddy".

Q(18):

When did you first find out it was those two doing the shooting and what was your initial reaction?

A:

Basically, i got called by one of my friends who told me to turn on the fucking news because "some shit just went down". I switched it on, and lo and behold, reporters everywhere, cops, and people running out of the school, and a reporter said there was a shooting at columbine. i initially believed that Eric could've been involved, but i seriously didn't expect to see Dylan's yearbook photo show up when they started to talk about suspects. As for my reaction, well, let's just say it wasn't pleasant. I woke my mom up after i screamed out "FUCK!" and dropped my glass of apple juice.

Q(19):

Thank you for the AMA. It is nice to hear your level headed analysis.

Have you seen the movie Elephant by Gus Van Sant? Do you think it's an accurate portrayal?

Also, why do you think the boys ended up in the library? Didn't they want to kill jocks?

A:

Elephant was good but you need to keep in mind that it strays heavily from the actual events leading up to shooting and the shooting itself.

Absolutely no idea. That question still bugs me to this day.

Q(20):

DELETED COMMENT

A:

Yes.

If I thought they were serious, at that time in my life the idea would have been slightly appealing but I probably wouldn’t have aided them.

Q(21):

  Obviously the Trench Coat Mafia wasn't the scary thing people said it was but how did you guys feel about it being portrayed as this marauding gang that was full of goth kids. How true/untrue was that and how did you and other members feel getting raked over the coals in the media shortly after the shooting?

What kind of music (specific bands if possible) did you like in High School? I always thought it was crazy that Brooks Brown was a Juggalo back then.

How are you holding up now? Obviously you have no real reason to feel remorse or guilt in any way but it feels like every year we have another shooting where the shooter idolized Eric & Dylan, is it weird that so many people idolize two of your old friends and they became folk anti-heroes in a way?

(If no other question you'd wanna answer please answer this one) If you could go back to a point in time before that day with Eric and/or Dylan, what would you say to them?

A:

It didn't really matter because as soon as the media said that Eric and Dylan were members of TCM the whole group just fell apart. Some people were angry, some people were sad, some people just stayed silent. I personally felt mad, not because they were slandering us, but because they basically put a target on our heads. A guy i knew got picked up by cops for wearing a trench coat. Jocks were talking about revenge, and nobody could wear black for two weeks after 4/20 for fear of being attacked.

NIN, Korn, Aphex twin, Tool, Deftones, KMFDM, Smashing Pumpkins, Slowdive, My Bloody Valentine, Alice in Chains, Boards of Canada, Radiohead, Marilyn Manson, Pigface, SPK, Throbbing Gristle. Lots of stuff.

As good as one can after all I've been through.

As Marilyn Manson said, I wouldn't of said anything. I'd of listened. Because maybe if we all listened things wouldn't of turned out the way they did.

Q(22):

How did you sleep the night after the shooting?

A:

I didn't sleep for two days after finding out it was Eric and Dylan. Eventually i stole some ambien from my parent's medicine cabinet, but i wouldn't say that i felt well rested after waking back up.

Q(22):

Very understandable. I wouldn't have been able to sleep either. Wish you best of luck.

Q(23):

Thank you for doing this. Could answer some questions people have:

Do you recall anything that could have given you a hint or anything that could have tipped someone off?

How are you doing now? Hope all is well.

A:

As I’ve said before, Eric wasn’t very fucking inconspicuous about wanting to do some shit. He told pretty much everyone who knew him that he was planning to do something to CHS, but as far as I know, everyone played it off because they thought he was joking and because it was a different time period where stuff like that wasn’t taken as seriously. In this day and time kids can make “don’t come to school tomorrow” jokes and get fucking arrested.

Q(23):

Thanks for responding.

Q(24):

Did being part of TCM have any sort of impact on your life as you grew up due to the affiliation? Also how’ve you been doing? I can’t imagine it was easy growing up knowing what people you knew did.

A:

Yes. If employers search up my name (not giving that shit out) they find a TCM group picture from the yearbook. I can't work serious jobs and several of my friends have no idea of my background or how i was friends with two of the most infamous human beings alive. It's a pretty heavy burden to bear, but i manage.

Q(24):

Yes. If employers search up my name (not giving that shit out) they find a TCM group picture from the yearbook. I can't work serious jobs and several of my friends have no idea of my background or how i was friends with two of the most infamous human beings alive. It's a pretty heavy burden to bear, but i manage

Q (15):

I guess you know that already but you have the legal rights to get search results linked to your name (that you think threaten your privacy) deleted from the Internet.

A:

Are you serious? I’ll definitely look into that if it’s true.

Q(15):

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Right_to_be_forgotten

Removing the TCM photo and its caption will be tricky of course but you shouldn't let your full name appear anywhere linked to the massacre if it gets in the way of you getting a job.

A:

Thank you! I had no idea about this. I might have to head over to r/legaladvice soon.

Q(25):

  DELETED COMMENT

A:

Disappointment and sadness towards the shooter and the victims, anger towards the media and pharmaceutical companies.

Q(26):

how much different do you think your life would be if it never happened? how did the school/community cope afterwards? did you personally know any of the victims?

A:

 I might have a decent job, and I wouldn’t have as much weight on my shoulders.

We didn’t have school for weeks afterward, I just stopped going for the rest of the year, and according to friends when school went back in the only thing people did was just talk and vent to each other. I guess that’s how everyone recovers. Just talk and vent.

Some of my acquaintances were injured, and few people i knew in passing were killed.

Q(27):

How would you feel about some sort of columbine movie? Obviously it would be made with respect and include accurate info about the shooting, victims, and the perpetrators.

A:

It would be nice. Might draw more awareness to mental health and hopefully provide an unbiased picture of both Eric and Dylan’s behavior before and during the massacre.

Also, Trent Reznor should do the soundtrack but I doubt he would due to the shit he got from the media after the shooting.

Q(15):

Were you friends with Eric Veik ?

A:

Yes. Not much I can say except he was pretty smart and people started saying he helped plan it afterwards. I don’t believe it based on how much the shooting fucked him up.

Q(28)(referring to question above):

Or if not, what do you think about that guy?!

A:

I feel bad for him.

Q(29):

DELETED COMMENT

A:

Yes. It’s good, but she needs to understand that dylan wasn’t as innocent as she thinks.

Q(30):

I was wondering if you had any close friendships/relationships with any of the kids that were killed?

A:

No close relationships although some people I would consider acquaintances were hurt.

Q(31):

i’m curious about Eric and Dylan’s behavior around animals. Had you ever witnessed either of them interact with animals? Did you have a sense of the type of relationship, if any, they had with their family pets? Are you aware of either of them exhibiting any negative behaviors directed toward animals, including wildlife?

A:

I actually have a story for this one.

We had been detonating pipe bombs out in the mountains, and I came up with the idea to tape one of the bombs to a tree to test the damage. We did that, and when it detonated it blew a chunk out of the tree and knocked out some baby birds. We all believed that if we touched them, their mom would abandon them, so we decide just to put them out of their misery. I stomped some, Eric stomped some, and Dylan stomped some.

Eric stomped them quickly and seemed very nonchalant about it. Dylan, however, said that he was just putting them out of their misery, and said he felt better for some reason after stomping them.

I believe that was the defining moment in my friendship with them, and foreshadowed their actions at columbine. Eric was silent, and was almost machinelike in the way he stomped them. Dylan actually vocalized to the birds by saying “this is only going to hurt for a little bit” before stomping them. It chills me to my very core that I saw a part of the people they would later become out there in the mountains.

Q(32):

Were Eric and Dylan good bowlers?

A:

Pretty standard as far as my knowledge of bowling goes.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________

LINK TO THE AMA: https://www.reddit.com/r/casualiama/comments/fom8or/i_am_a_former_member_of_the_trench_coat_mafia_ask/

(THIS IS NOT EVERYTHING ON THE AMA, BESIDES COMMENTS LIKE  “answered this already” AND OR UNIMPORTANT UNANSWERED QUESTIONS)

Be respectful

xx

[invisibleicewands]

Michael Sheen Talks Becoming Prince Andrew for ‘A Very Royal Scandal’: “It’s a Hall of Mirrors With Him”

Michael Sheen confesses it was daunting becoming Prince Andrew in Amazon Prime Video‘s A Very Royal Scandal, a series following the infamous BBC interview with the Duke about his relationship with convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein.

Sheen (Good Omens, Twilight, Masters of Sex) stars alongside Ruth Wilson (The Affair, Luther), playing British journalist Emily Maitlis, after she and Andrew came together for one hour on a fateful night in 2019 to produce what is now mostly considered a huge stain on the monarchy’s already-blotted reputation. The Duke of York was probed on accusations he had sex with Virginia Giuffre (then Roberts) at Epstein’s house when she was just 17 in the early 2000s.

The Welsh actor tells The Hollywood Reporter that portraying any real-life person is “daunting” in itself, but a royal family member even more so when the research involves a lot of guesswork and relying on “the person who used to be a security guard.”

“One of the big challenges with with playing Prince Andrew compared to a lot of the people I’ve played,” he begins, “is it’s a hall of mirrors with Prince Andrew. The royal family is so controlled with what gets out. So you’ve got, on the one hand, very stage-managed photographs and interviews and personal appearances, and then you’ve got, gossip and rumor and, ‘The person who used to be security guard said…’ And you don’t know what people’s agendas are.”

Sheen explains that it gets particularly tricky portraying a royal because there’s “a mystery at the heart” of who Andrew is – and, crucially, “what he did or didn’t do.”

“I mean, we can have strong feelings, instincts, opinions about what that might be, but in terms of the nitty gritty, the nuts and bolts of what he did, we don’t know,” he says. “So given that I don’t know, I did still have to make certain choices myself, just so I could play something specific in the scenes. Now, I will never tell anyone what those choices are because they have no bearing on the reality of it one way or the other, really, and it could only really serve to maybe influence the way people watch what I’m doing, and I’d rather that it retain its sort of ambiguity.”

But the star steered clear of impersonating the Duke for as long as possible as he found it makes a better experience for viewers. “Ultimately, you want the audience to engage with what’s going on for the character, not to be too bothered about what’s on the surface and all those things like mannerisms, vocal and physical things,” he says.

“For someone who the audience feels they know so well, they’re coming at it with preconceived ideas and preconceptions about what they look like, what they sound like, what they come across as,” Sheen explains to THR. “So, that’s daunting, because you know you’re going to be judged by that.”

Sheen recalls watching the interview himself, all the way back in 2019 – before the Duke settled out of court with Giuffre for an undisclosed fee. “It is now harder for me to remember what I thought or felt at the time because, because I’ve obviously watched it literally hundreds and hundreds of times now,” he says. “I do remember not having a hot take on it, I just felt the way everyone felt about it: ‘What was that? How on earth did that ever happen?'”

Now 55, nine years Andrew’s junior, Sheen has grown up following the Duke’s generation of royal family members. “Back when I was growing up in the ’80s, he was tabloid fodder all the time,” the actor says. “‘Randy Andy’ and, you know, his relationships. And he was this ruggedly handsome war hero, a prince who was the most eligible bachelor on the scene. [But that] has diminished, he’s one of the least known in that respect, and yet, at the same time, one of the most seemingly familiar because he had that reputation.”

He enjoyed grappling with a man who has lost so much over the years, one who was once incredibly “attractive” and often regarded as Queen Elizabeth II’s favorite child. “So popular, thousands of women shouting and screaming when he comes off the dock, coming back from the Falklands War with a rose in his mouth,” Sheen continues. “To see a man age, put on weight and start losing all that whilst getting further and further away from the center of power, to have money problems when you’re seen as having everything, and to feel like you don’t get treated the way you should get treated for a man of immense privilege, that contradiction is golden for an actor and to have.”

“I mean, he clearly is a character and that was part of the treasure hunt for me,” he adds.

[jkftkth]

i really do wonder what a bts comeback will mean and does every member have a plan figured out for themselves.

fan accounts going awol when some members were exploring their artistic individuality and only now resurfacing because a group reunion is closer - it makes you think. was there ever even an artistic connection? or was it more about what has been sold to the audience over musical talents - an entertaining family dynamic/bond fans can project onto. fitted roles where a member is only likeable if they’re playing it just right.

2024 changed my feelings for good on where i think i belong, and there’s probably little that could happen for me to want to be part of bts’ fandom again.

firstly, there’s only so far you can go being a fan of tae and having to witness on a daily basis the level of disrespect he faces from both company and fandom no one else has. when you see quite literally the worst of the worst, day after day, but it’s only a limited amount of fans who voice concern and make actual space for the exclusive severity of it all to be acknowledged and discussed and questioned…you either stay and pretend it’s not happening/it’s not “the actual worst” because it’s impossible to satisfy every fan, orrrrr—

i mean, everything until up to now has been with the intent of a) making us fall for the brainwashing so we stop advocating for him as an individual, or b) exhaust us into quitting being his fan so his label can turn around and say to him hey look—why did you think you could make it when no one likes you?

and i obviously believe other members are a victim in their own way too. because you would have to be living under a rock to not see that hybe does not respect its idols as workers, as money makers, and as humans. neither does it protect most of them, the actual opposite for specifically taegikook and so a fan of the group or not, anyone would naturally want better for hybes idols across the board because they deserve better than staff badmouthing them in official reports and on online platforms.

of course there are other reasons i’ve had enough, such as contractual fan service being pushed so much whilst at the same time fandom reactions being intensely watched and made note of to the extent labels are out here monitoring fanfiction and assigning tropes to members and not caring what type of delusion and hate that cultivates??! to the group motto of “us is always before me” being celebrated, to fandom not actually caring about idols’ rights, to fandom falling for a dirty pr firm’s media manipulation/fabrication so easily, to hybe basically being in all fandom spaces with their dumb ass bots to sway opinion, to i mean the list goes on.

i don’t think i’d call myself bitter, or a hater, or a “solo.”once they return i’ll feel relief for all of them that that chapter of their life is over and they came out safe and sound (🙏), but i confess i have little excitement for a group album because group songs mean one thing for fans of tae and group arrangements always do the opposite of wanting him to shine and group entertainment is hard to enjoy when you know there’s a script running more often than not at his expense.

a tour? well i know there’s sincerity in how important performing is, and it’ll probably mean a lot after 18 months of being forced away from that, so it will be nice to see them doing what they find enjoyable yes. do i look forward to the exerting schedules for the sake of making up for hybes financial losses? do i look forward to the billionaire continuing to rip them off while he carries on riding their success as his own?

i know there are contracts. i know idols’ rights are a topic of concern and few are willing to talk about it and make a change. i know their industry can get really manipulative really fast as soon as they step out of line and that can lead to a really dark reality. i know there’s always a bad guy in the story. i know the group is still important and loved by tae (and jk), i know he wants to think the best of the group’s fandom because he is still a group member, i know i’ll support him wherever he goes but like

it’s just hard to forget the least three years and stay unaffected.

[msfcatlover]

Duke in the Reverse!Robins AU be like…

”Eldest daughter syndrome? What eldest daughter syndrome? Nah, just because I’m the oldest does not mean I have eldest daughter syndrome. Sure, I’ve had to mediate between Damian & Bruce, or Steph & Bruce, or help certain Titans find a middle ground, but that’s just being a good leader. And yeah, I’m protective of the younger kids, but that’s just what any responsible adult in my position would do.”

*finds out one of the members of his team has such bad civilian trauma they need to straight-up quit hero work*

“Oh shit… I fucked this up. I was too focused on my own problems, how the fuck did I miss this? Okay, okay. I was already burning out trying to juggle being Gotham’s only daytime hero and single-handedly leading the Titans. I need to pick one. And find some way to make it up to Grant. Jesus fuck, how did I miss this…”

*Tim becomes Cass’s apprentice. Steph & Cass start arguing more often. Steph has her biggest fight with Bruce yet. Steph goes missing.*

*Steph dies*

“After that fight with Bruce, no one backed her up. She didn’t know anyone was supporting her. She died thinking none of us were on her side. If any one of us had actively taken her side, instead of getting distracted with our own messes, maybe this wouldn't have happened. Oh, but am I really expecting Damian or Bruce to be intelligent about feelings? Am I really expecting tact from Cass? I know them too well; it should’ve been me, shouldn’t it? I can’t believe I managed to fuck up worse than I did with Grant…”

*Luna gets taken away*

“Look at what you’ve done, Bruce! Look what you’ve fucking done! You’re tearing this family apart! We all promised to look out for her if anything happened to Steph, and you’re just going to force every single one of us to break those promises?! You’re going to rip away the last piece of Steph we had?!? Look at Dami & Cass! Look at them! You did this!”

*finds out Damian’s training for Tim to be Shadow uses all the LoA techniques he refused to use for Steph, making it borderline-through-outright abusive, almost certainly to try to drive Tim off by making him too miserable to continue*

“I. I can’t fucking believe this. I can’t… I can’t believe it took me so long to realize. Damian, nobody is happy about this, but fuck you. I thought you were trying to be better, you absolute fucking asshole! And I… I don’t even have the excuse of not knowing half of the involved parties this time, or being away, or too busy, I was just looking away because I didn’t want to think about Tim taking Steph’s mantle. I should’ve fucking stopped this the first time Tim came back from Bludhaven. God fucking dammit, how do I keep failing the kids in my care in the same fucking way, over & over again?!”

*was all the way at the other end of the room & looking in the wrong direction to have enough forewarning to actually save Tim from being shot*

“I… I… I… I’m literally the only person who could’ve fucking stopped this. I have all the training, all the abilities, but I went to refill my punch glass, and now Timmy might never walk again. I mean, absolutely blame the asshole who pulled the trigger, but Tim & I were in the same fucking room. Who would even put a hit out on Tim Wayne? There’s no way Tim doesn’t know who’s behind this, but he won’t tell me because he doesn’t trust me, because of course he doesn’t! Look at my track record! When it matters most, I let down the people I love. My parents, Grant, Steph, Tim…”

*Jason becomes Shadow.*

*The Tower fight happens.*

*Jason gets kidnapped by the Joker.*

*Bruce “dies,” and Jason runs away to have the Red Robin arc.*

*Dick only begrudgingly puts up with Duke because Duke’s rather overbearing expressions of protectiveness support are not meshing well with Dick’s “stuck on anger til I personally catch my parents’ murderer” issue*

“…If anyone needs me, I’ll be screaming in the closet.”

[whatkindofromance]

Eddie truths - Buddie

This is actually my opinions based off observations pls be nice 🥲🫶

1) COMPHET 🏳️‍🌈

if the writers peruse a buddie storyline which I’m quite hopeful for this season (fingers crossed) it wouldn’t make sense for him to continue to be attracted to women. They’ve set up the most groundbreaking comphet slow revelation I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

It starts in eddie begins where it’s implied he married Shannon because it’s what was expected and he couldn’t deal with the family he’d been forced into so he kept leaving.

Later down the line we see him have a big menty-b when trying to date a woman, bro literally had a panic attack. Eddie just keeps trying to recreate his original marriage because he’s convinced himself it was perfect even though we know it was deeply flawed. His relationship with Shannon was the one time he was doing what was expected and that’s why he craves anything similar.

Don’t get me started on the “needing to perform” line…

2) BOTTOM!EDDIE 😮

I’m aware this is controversial but when you look into it… it makes sense. Particularly with his relationship with buck.

Eddie has always been given responsibility, from his early childhood, to when he was made a parent at a very young age. Despite this he makes no efforts in his life to deliberately put himself into positions of responsibility/control. To give an example- Eddie is the only member of the 118 who’s never been considered or expressed ANY desire so be captain in one of Bobby’s’ absences. Eddie LIKES to receive instructions not give them. *cough* clipboard buck *cough*

Another factor I would like to bring to the table would be self esteem. Eddie thinks very low of himself especially when it comes to his personal relationships, as was made apparent in his confession. Who better than to take care of him and show him some worth than the MOST sexually confident character…

I think it would take Eddie a while to come to terms with the idea that bottoming doesn’t make him any less of a man because of his upbringing and repression.

Idk how much this ties into being a bottom but Eddie is deffo also a masochist. He exhibits so many behaviours that show he gets some satisfaction/relief from pain and self punishment :’(

3) PASSENGER PRINCESS🤴🏽

This is just a funny observation from the show- that buck drives Eddie every time they’re in the car together. Eddie is never shown to be driving unless he has to

4) he looked better with the moustache 😩😩

[bluemoonpunch]

Relationship Reading for Choi San and Jung Wooyoung - Tarot Reading

[This reading covers the relationship dynamic between Choi San and Jung Wooyoung on a subconscious and energetic level. This particular reading can cover romantic, platonic, and familial relationships and is designed to put a connection between two people into perspective, showcasing what is gained from the relationship and what the highest potential of the connection is. I used The Linestrider’s Journey Tarot for this reading. This spread is an original design by me. This reading lasted less than 1 hour.]

Reading Performed: July 4, 2024

Posted: July 13, 2024

Back in November/December of 2023, I had random hyperfixation on ATEEZ for a solid month or so — I heard Bouncy and it was all downhill from there. My dumb ass, as always, started reading in on their energy and there were some interesting things that came through the first time I watched the MV for Bouncy, and came to find out, I did readings on a couple of the members back in 2018 and some of that same energy was coming through. It was really interesting because I recognized it, saw it so clearly, and then found out I wrote about the exact same imagery years ago. That led to me SPIRALING and basically breaking down the entire group's current state, purpose, past lives, bla bla bla, the whole thing. Like, I was going to write a 50-page report on all of it because it was genuinely fascinating what was coming through and how it was seemingly showing up in their personal development and work now.

Depression and physical health issues hit, so I never did write anything, but I saw some really, really, really interesting stuff for San and Wooyoung that suggests an isolated lifetime centered on healing and protection that stems from issues that arose in a past life where Wooyoung would have been on his own due to necessary soul development that was needed in order to occupy the same space as San on a higher level. Quite literally, it looked like they were just casually fucking around on Earth for centuries, popped out, and realized they couldn’t go where they wanted to go together without Wooyoung’s soul experiencing more development, so they threw him back in on his own in a hyper-compressed incarnation cycle and things just didn't go well.

That lifetime, which was actually an incarnation cycle of three lifetimes back to back, ended up being quite negative and left “scars” on the souls of everyone involved. I really could write a whole other thing about all of this, I have a ridiculous amount of notes on it because out of everyone, they have the most interestingly deep soul connection I have ever seen out of all the readings I have ever done. Like, they are literally here to do nothing else but heal Wooyoung’s soul and balance energy — balancing energy and healing seems to be the group’s collective “purpose,” although they seem to have given themselves this purpose. They are not, as I’ve seen it, “on the roster,” but are to be influential, especially as individuals.

For San and Wooyoung, when I first watched the video I was like, oh they definitely have some vibes together, don’t they? And then I found out that San is a Cancer and Wooyoung is a Sagittarius. I have, FOR YEARSSSS, wanted to analyze a pair made up of a Cancer and Sagittarius because I’ve always found their reflective energies together to be so interesting. You have Cancer, Cardinal Water, Firery Water, boiling water, a spewing geyser, and Sagittarius, Mutable Fire, Watery Fire, flowing fire, an erupting volcano. They’re quite literally the SAME energies, visually they line up, they just erupt from different spaces. Fire and Water are the most difficult elements to balance, but Cancer and Sagittarius have an inherent balance within them between Water and Fire, although it can make them a bit temperamental and sensitive.

To me, it always felt like a Cancer and Sagittarius would simply have to hate each other until there was just one split second where they both happened to “erupt” at the same time, express something from within at the same time, and suddenly they’re like, “oh, you’re me, i’m you” and then it’s just best friends forever. And that’s basically what I saw between them when looking at their energetic connections now within this lifetime.

For the sake of not getting too wild off the bat, I will just focus on what came through in this reading alone, but if anyone is interested, I will GLADLY unload all of what I have for ATEEZ down the line.

Overall Energy

As expected, Healing and Regeneration are at the head of the overall energy between them. Healing and protection are extremely strong links for them that are rooted in the soul. So deeply rooted that this may feel more instinctual for them at this point than emotional or mental. Healing represents the energy, while Regeneration marks where and how that energy is being used. It gives me the sense of the souls re-expanding after experiencing a few downfalls, especially on Wooyoung’s side where, as I mentioned, he has acquired some pretty deep soul scars from past lifetimes.

Discovery (Mercury in Sagittarius) and the Lunar Eclipse both give this incredible sense of conscious level expansion to match with the expansion of their souls. They could explore spiritual things together, or discuss personal philosophy with each other. This is very focused between the two of them and gives me the sense of them being able to holds a “birs’s eye view” when they ponder things together, as if their vision becomes clearer through the other, allowing them to understand themselves, each other, and the world much easier when they seek it out together.

The Queen of Cups at the end there grounds a lot of this energy into a more physical and conscious place, but still highlights the strong soul connection and suggests tightly woven emotional bonds as well. One of the keywords with this card is “devotion” which suits them well on all levels of connection.

Before we get to the main reading, I just want to point out how INSANE it is that the mirrored state of their souls showed up in this reading so clearly. I really do want to do a deepdive post on them at some point because everything that I’ve seen for them has honestly blown my mind, and their cards here just add to that.

San’s Projection: Ten of Wands (rev.) Wooyoung’s Projection: Ten of Swords (rev.)

This set marks the energy that San and Wooyoung individually project into their relationship with each other. This is purely an energetic projection and may not reflect emotional or mental connections. Here, San is projecting the reversed Ten of Wands while Wooyoung is projecting the reversed Ten of Swords. These are the “bad 10s” in tarot, both holding quite a lot of pain, frustration and even death in their upright positions. There may be a display here of conflict between the soul and the conscious level aspects as both of these cards essentially are in denial of themselves, but seemingly for the sake of each other.

Tens mark the end, and when reversed, that end is being denied or something isn’t being brought to completion. On San’s end, the focus is on Wands, Fire, energy, and matters of the body, while Wooyoung’s focuses on Swords, Air, thoughts and communication, and matters of the mind. It displays a set dynamic where San is the body and Wooyoung is the mind, which is somewhat similar to what I saw of their souls in a state before they started incarnating on Earth. On a conscious and physical level, this settles more as physical and mental burdens they both share partially being withheld from the other.

Essentially, it’s like the reversed state of these cards came by two hands. For example, if San is feeling physically unwell he may hide it from Wooyoung to not worry him, but Wooyoung may also be someone he wants to be around when he’s not feeling well. Therefore there could be a kind of secret nurturing where sometimes they have to ask each other or very directly express their negative states to each other, and other times they can care for each other without much talking at all. So, in some aspects, they reverse their own cards, and in others, they reverse each other. Either way, they will never get to a breaking point, they will never hit a physical or mental “rock bottom” so long as they have the other to balance them.

To explain the cards more, the Ten of Wands, when upright, traditionally features someone carrying a lot of sticks (Wands/Fire/Energy) towards a destination that is quite far away in the background of the image. In the Rider-Waite deck, the man in the image is shown to really be struggling, hunched over with his face buried in the sticks as he tries to keep hold of them. In the image in this deck, it’s shown as a young girl who has collapsed on the ground with a bag of sticks on her back as she stares at her destination in the background.

It’s physical overwhelm or overexertion that puts a lot of strain on the body. This card can have a positive side to it as it can suggest that whatever overwhelming or strenuous situation you are in right now may come to an end soon, but when it is reversed, it’s more so allowing yourself to drop those sticks and take a breather. This can be positive as you can catch your breath and regain some energy, but in other situations, reversals here could line up with someone giving up just before they’re about to hit their finish line.

For San, I really feel this in a literal way where there is overexertion on the body, or a tendency to overdo physical activity, especially in a stressed state, and either for Wooyoung’s sake, or with the help of Wooyoung, he pulls that energy down, grounds himself, and sort of tempers his own Fire. It’s making me think of someone who would work out quite hard for hours, and then finish up with a grounding meditation. I will say that San’s soul, where it stems from, is a very high place, his energy is very high frequency and with that, it can be quite hard to hold that energy in the body. A lot of movement or bodily focus is necessary for him to stay grounded, so this may be connected to that as well.

The Ten of Swords, when upright, traditionally shows a man lying dead on a shoreline with ten swords in his back. In the background, we can see the sky either clearing or gathering in a storm, and the sun either rising or setting in the background. As Swords relate to Air energy, thoughts and communication, logic, and harsh reality, the Ten of Swords marks an undeniable end, one you can’t alleviate or run from. This can have a lot to do with anxiety and depression, as well as negative self-image if you can imagine the swords as your own thoughts and the body as yourself.

As I’ve seen in past explorations with them, both in past lives (and out-of-body lives) and the current lifetime, Wooyoung seems to have quite a bit of mental weight to him, but it’s not necessarily observational, as in it’s not so much that he’s thinking a lot, it’s like he takes in a lot of what is around him, what he hears, what he sees, and he holds onto it. The image of the Ten of Swords here in this deck is more so accurate to what I feel for Wooyoung.

In the image, a deer (I think) is shown to have been shot by many arrows and is twisted in pain. Those arrows could be equated to the words and actions of other people that Wooyoung carries with him. This can reflect his soul state with the soul scarring, as well as his current state where there does seem to be some sensitivity and maybe some personal insecurity to him.

They hide from each other a little bit, they hide this stress from each other, but at the same time it’s kind of impossible to do such a thing when they are so closely linked that you could argue they may be able to read each other's minds. They hide these states from each other, but at the same time, they each help the other to maintain and balance these quite heavy energies and keep them from ever reaching a true breaking point.

How San Sees Wooyoung: Nine of Cups + Ace of Cups How Wooyoung Sees San: Ace of Pentacles + Nine of Pentacles

This was the most insane part of the reading for me. The mirrored Tens already had me like O.O, and then this shit came out and I was like, what the fuck am I even supposed to do with this??

This set covers how, based on the current state and their projections, they see each other within their relationship. San sees Wooyoung as the Nine of Cups and the Ace of Cups, while Wooyoung sees San as the Nine of Pentacles and Ace of Pentacles. I find it interesting that while they are “hiding” their Tens from each other, they actively acknowledge and seem to praise each other at their peaks with these Nines. What’s even more fun is that in these suits, Cups and Pentacles, the Tens are some of the most positive cards in the deck, and with these Aces here, it almost feels like they look at each other as if they have the ingredients to make the Ten of Pentacles and the Ten of Cups — Ace (1) + Nine.

Here, they also seem to really acknowledge each other as a counterpart, someone they balance with, or someone who has what they are missing. Wooyoung, who may experience a bit more emotional and mental turmoil, looks to San as this space of stability and support, a strong foundation based in Earth energy with the Pentacles. There’s an admiration through the Nine of Pentacles for how independent he is and how well he is able to accomplish what he sets out to do. San, who seems to be a bit more physically oriented for the sake of staying grounded, sees Wooyoung as this flowing energy, seeing him as having more Water to him. A strong, open sensitivity that he finds fulfilling and relaxing. There’s an appreciation here for creativity and fluidity as well.

My favorite thing about this, is that as they acknowledge each other as counterparts through these energies, they are essentially blending Earth and Water energy. Similar to Water and Fire, Water and Earth can be a bit tricky to mix as you can destabilize Earth with Water, or dry out and absorb Water with Earth. In its perfect balance, however, as it is displayed here with these mirrored energies, Water and Earth come together to create clay. Something, energy, that can be shaped and molded at will into anything. Combining that with an element of balance between Divine Masculine energy on San’s side and Divine Feminine energy on Wooyoung’s side, you basically have two people who, when working together, are a magic wand away from being The Magician, a master manifestor.

In other words, anything they create together or work on together where they can focus on each other could be considered magic in the sense that they would have quite a lot of ease in bringing their visions to life while working together.

Current State of The Relationship: The Lovers Highest Potential: Ten of Pentacles

Here, The Lovers came out to represent the current state of their relationship, while the Ten of Pentacles popped out to showcase the highest potential of their relationship going forward. I put them together because what it looks like to me is that the Lovers represent the soul connection while the Ten of Pentacles represent that soul connection being completely integrated into the physical and conscious levels. They’re already there pretty much, perhaps that’s the significance of the Nines and Aces combos, but this suggests that they’re supposed to get to that higher state and integrate more of those higher aspects.

In one of the many readings I did for them, I did see, especially for San as his soul is quite BIG energetically speaking, that there were multiple stages of soul integration that he would experience in this lifetime that would be marked by alterations of the body — found out a bit later that he did bulk up quite a bit over the last few years, so I assume, especially when it comes to the need to ground into the physical through the actual body, that this is reflective of that. Wooyoung doesn’t have as much to integrate, but his soul is still occupying a much higher state than he is right now on a conscious level. The integration for Wooyoung may be noticeable in drastic changes regarding self-perception, self-esteem, and how he operates or expresses himself artistically.

As this entire lifetime is very self-focused (focused on each other) for the two of them, specifically in the realm of healing Wooyoung and progressing his soul a bit more so that he can join San out of body on a more well-matched level, it makes sense that potentially the Ten of Pentacles here marks, in its entirety, the completion of this lifetime with all that they set out to do being accomplished. The current state of The Lovers implies personal alignment, but in this context, reflects their deep soul unity and recognition of each other as soul counterparts (the term "soulmate" doesn’t quite capture how significant this connection actually is).

The Lovers, on a soul level, based on the traditional Rider-Waite image, showcases personal inner alignment of the layers of consciousness — conscious, subconscious, unconscious — through the images of Adam, Eve, and the Angel Raphael. Adam represents the conscious mind that looks to Eve, the receptive, intuitive subconscious, who looks to the Higher Self, the higher unconscious mind represented by the Angel.

In addition to that, Adam and Eve stand in as representatives of the Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine as Eve, the force of Life, stands in front of a flourishing tree and Adam, the force of destruction or deconstruction, stands in front of a burning tree. When they are in balance, Life and Death dance happily, but if Adam looks away from Eve, if the Divine Masculine loses sight of the Divine Feminine, it loses connection to its own soul, stagnates, and becomes destructive toward the surrounding environment. If Eve disconnects from either side, she can become destructive toward herself.

The Lovers card in this deck here shows San and Wooyoung as these counterparts, Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine, being in perfect sync with each other, implying that within themselves they hold that personal alignment, and are able to meet each other on all levels. This is what makes soul integration possible for them and is what is fueling the soul healing that Wooyoung is experiencing in this lifetime.

*More readings at bluemoonpunch.com!

[princeblue]

Do you think Ubuyashiki is well liked by the fandom without people realizing how he literally employed children into battles making use of their trauma?

Hmm, interesting question because I feel like if I say yes I’m basically inferring that the entirety of the kny and/or kagaya Stan’s are stupid people, which is not a fair or valid generalization to make.

But, I do not often see people critiquing Kagaya, so I feel like it may be due to something along the “not realizing” lines.

Because at the end of the day? Kagaya isn’t really better than Muzan. He and Muzan are not parallels, they are mirrors. On one side of the mirror, you see a leader rule with fear, on the other side of the mirror, you see the leader rule with… grace, let’s put it like that.

And when you really look into Muzan’s character, he doesn’t plainly state that he wants to turn everyone to demons, or to rule the world. I’m sure it’s in the back of his mind, but it’s not something he establishes as what he wants, what he Does establish is wanting the blue spider Lilly to walk into the sun again. To be this perfect, healthy, ultimate lifeform.

And similarly enough? Kagaya is not saying he wants to rid the world of demons like other characters, he’s not saying hes wanting to save the world, he is not saying he wants to purge the world of demons for the greater good.

He wants to break the curse on his family, for himself.

And I don’t blame him for it! I would too! But Kagaya is seen as giving runaways a home, as giving orphans somewhere warm to be. Giving the lost a path. And he really, and truthfully does not do that. Sure, for Gyomei he does. But everyone else is brought in through another corps member that is not Kagaya.

So I don’t really understand why he’s regarded so highly by the hashira (excluding Gyomei and the Rengoku family as generational hashira) because he truthfully does not do anything of value.

Which, interestingly enough, Tanjirou himself states that he feels like he’s been placed under a magical spell in his presence. Which leads me to think he had some very thin remaining demon blood, but that’s besides the point.

The point is Muzan & Kagaya are self serving, everything they want is “my, me, mine.”

Muzan makes this known in a much more crude way, while Kagaya is playing this valiant front. He more than likely knows the system he has in place is flawed, that it is critically endangering the strength of the core, but he’s driven by desperation and hatred deep down inside. Which clouds his judgment or, makes him not care as deeply as he should.

There are multiple different ways which would more than likely have a higher success rate at not only strengthening and doubling their members, but decreasing the amount of dead children at his doorstep. (And I’d be happy to ramble about this in a different ask because I love world building.)

He could have placed demon slayers around the Tokitou residence to ensure their safety as Amane tried to coax them away and to the warrior life.

But he doesn’t and he didn’t, perfectly breaking Muichirou and molding him to be this lifeless puppet who is fueled by rage when he can remember and then taking the children who survive final selection who’s trauma is now doubled and worsened, making them reckless and drastic in battle, with only the rare few surviving long enough to either become experienced or a hashira.

But, the thing is, Kagaya sympathizes with them.

“I’ve been hurt by demons too, I’ve lost my loved ones to demon too, I hate demons too, I want demons gone too.”

Which turns into: “give your life for the cause, save those you couldn’t save before, fight for it all to be ended, fight for me.”

And the process repeats with Kagaya showing characters a molecule of sympathy and kindness and feeding into their trauma fueled ambition.

Tldr: I think it’s very easy to fall under this assumption that Kagaya is a good character because that’s the point, he’s supposed to be written in a way that makes you sympathize with him, to make you understand his want’s and needs, especially as he deteriorates in health. But again, that is the point because that’s exactly hah the hashira + corps member also believe.

But also, sometimes people just like morally gray characters, and that’s okay too! I personally am a big fan of morally gray characters. And I think Kagaya is an excellent example of that, because he can fool you too.

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This was a bit of a messy response, I’ve had a rough day and I’m trying to distract myself. But I hope that you and everyone else were still able to follow along, thanks for the ask anon<3