#I’ve listened to this song so much since then
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Crash // Alessia Russo
Request: hey, could you please write some angst for alessia if possible.
a/n: hope u like it :))
warnings: car crash
"Where are you taking me?" Alessia grumbled with her arms crossed as she sat in the passengers seat, not amused by the fact that she sat in the passenger seat.
"You know, I don‘t like it when you drive" she added, her frown only deepening.
Playfully offended, you gasped, "are you saying I’m not a good driver?"
She turned to you, answering dead serious, "yes!" she crumbled under the glare she got in return, your raised eyebrow never a good sign "no" she mumbled, her fingers slowly interviewing with yours. "It‘s my job to drive you around, not the other way around" the striker continued to ramble about the situation while you just smiled to yourself.
Usually, Alessia was always sat behind the steering wheel, driving you to your destinations. And though, you were able to drive yourself (license in your wallet since years) the blonde insisted on driving you every time. She even drove you to appointments that didn't involve her, such as coffee dates with your friends or else. She loved driving and especially driving you around or you just seated in the passenger seat.
"But I’ve a surprise for you, so relax" you smiled, "you‘re even allowed to be dj" you grinned, the blonde always complaining that you wouldn’t even play one song of her choice.
"You‘ve got the passenger princess privileges, use them, love"
Alessia grumbled something before she connected her phone, her playlist starting to play. "You‘re lucky you‘re cute"
You had something really nice planned which she would definitely enjoy. Lately, everything has been stressful with your studies and all the exams that were coming up. And Lessi had shown nothing but love and support during this time, which is why you wanted to do something special as a thank you.
Everything was perfect so far, the blonde slowly accepting the fact that you sat behind the steering wheel instead of her, the conversation flowing easily as always until suddenly a car appeared out of nowhere, hitting your side with a force.
That’s the last thing you remember.
-
"Is she okay?" Alessia asked the medic with a raspy shaky voice, panic radiating of her body. She didn‘t know where you were. The ambulance left immediately with you, everything happening so fast. One second, she was telling you about the derby and in the other second, the car left the road and hit a tree.
"Ma‘am, you need to sit." The medic ordered as Alessia attempted to get up, hissing in pain. Her arm and shoulder hurt awfully, her face slightly bloody as it trickled down her forehead and nose.
"No! I need to know! She wasn‘t speaking, her eyes were closed! I- i don’t know"
The medics tried to calm her down the best they could, but it didn‘t help much.
After a short examination of her, the second ambulance left for the hospital.
-
In the hospital, Alessia went through several checks. Her arm was broken but thankfully it was a straight and simple fraction and nothing splintered. Her cuts were taken care of, only the large one on her forehead needing stitches. "You were very lucky" the doctor explained, also explaining the rest of her treatment and more. But Alessia couldn’t listen, all she could think about was you.
Are you alright? Are you alive? Where are you? What was happening?
"What about my wife? Is she alright? Please tell me she‘s alright" Alessia begged, tears streaming down her face.
-
Alessia sat next to your bed, holding your hand, praying that you would open your eyes. Just anything.
She sat there for hours, not leaving your side at all. Each time a nurse came in, the blonde wanted to know everything. What were they doing? What meant this sound or that? Are you getting better? Anything. The thought of you not waking up was terrifying her.
"Lessi, i think you should go for a walk. Grab a coffee and some fresh air" her mother ordered, sensing that her daughter was thinking too much, holding your hand tightly.
"I can’t" she replied, her eyes not leaving your face.
"Less, she‘s right. As soon as something happens, we‘ll tell you immediately. I promise" your mother joined the conversation now.
"Ok-ay" in trance she stood up, walking backwards to the door, her eyes not leaving yours until she was out of the room.
When Alessia came back, nothing had happened (she hadn‘t even been gone for 5 minutes) yet she was disappointed. This was her worst nightmare.
She wasn’t able to protect you.
You looked so vulnerable in the hospital bed, so fragile. It broke her heart.
In the evening, her mum and your mum said their good bye to the girl, promising to come back in the morning, Alessia still refusing to leave your side and to sleep at home. She couldn’t.
You needed her.
-
You woke up in a bright room, groaning in pain. Looking around, you saw Carol sitting on a chair, reading a magazine. "Hey, you’re up" the magazine was long forgotten as she was at your side, offering you some water.
"Less" you rasped. You fiddled with the duvet, memories flashing in front of your eyes.
Car.
Tree.
Blood.
Less.
"Stay" her mother ordered, already calling the nurse.
"Where‘s Lessi?" you cried in pain, scared and terrified.
"Love!" Alessia‘s eyes widened as she re-entered your room, only gone for a minute to use the bathroom. "You‘re awake" she was at your side in an instant, holding your hand and rapidly kissing it. The other hand trying her best to cradle your head with the cast, "how are you feeling?"
"I‘m so sorry" you cried, "your car" you sobbed.
"I don’t care about the car right now" she stated firmly, wiping away the tears.
"You love your Mercedes"
"I don’t care about that stupid car. You‘re awake!" her voice slightly raised by all the emotions she was feeling.
In that moment a nurse came in, checking all things before the doctor joined, explaining everything and the following steps.
Carol left after the medical team had gone out of the room, sensing that both of you needed a minute alone, calling your mother to let her know what the doctor said.
"I‘ll pay you back, i promise" you refused to look at her, ashamed that the one time you were driving of course something had to happen.
"Look at me, please" she pleaded, her voice breaking slightly. She hadn’t seen your open eyes in days and now you refused to look at her. She couldn’t handle it. The lack of you in the last few days had been awful for her and not knowing if you would ever wake up, had been more than terrifying. It was a feeling she wouldn’t want anybody to feel. This fear, the feeling of not being able to breathe, as if her chest was constricting with every movement. And then the thoughts. Mentally she couldn't find rest because she hoped, prayed and mourned. There were too many emotions at once and the strongest of them was the most unpredictable - love. What would you do out of love?
When you looked at her, you realized how scared she must have been the last few days.
"Please don‘t cry" you whispered as you saw the tears, the exhaustion on her face and her injuries, "i thought-" she hiccuped, all feelings bubbling to the surface.
"I love you, i don‘t care about the Mercedes, okay? All i care about is you and that you‘re alive. That‘s all that ever matters to me" her hands cupped your cheeks, crying even more.
"Come here" groaning in pain, you scooted to the side, "stop moving. what are you doing!" Lessi asked with wide eyes, panic in her expression.
"Come here, please" with the pout on your face, she just couldn’t say no. She needed this just as much as you did. You leaned against her, head resting on her shoulder as your hand held her shirt, seeking comfort in her touch.
"I‘m sorry for driving, i just wanted to do something special" you whispered, "i never wanted to get you hurt" you mumbled, scared, exhausted and still in pain after everything.
"No more of that. We can worry about everything later, right now i just need you close" she replied, her tightening her grip around you (not even to hurt you), slowly calming down.
You were alive.
You were in her arms.
You were alive.
She couldn’t care less about her car or about your surprise or literally anything else in this world.
All that mattered was you.
"I love you so so much."
Everything was going to be okay.
It was you and her against the world.
And she would support you on every step of the way of your recovery because that‘s what wives do. In sickness and in health just like she had promised.
Like the doctor said, "it‘s going to take its time but you‘ll fully recover" and that’s what Alessia held onto. Because sometimes the only thing that helps is hope. Alessia’s hopes and believes were stronger than her fears. Hope was stronger than any fear, especially when it came to the life of a loved one. Someone that was you. Someone who’s loved so deeply by Alessia and everyone around you. Your wife never gave up, never lost her hope and faith in you and your strength. Because if she had done so, she might had lost herself at the same time.
Love was unconditional and unpredictable - that‘s what made it special.
And Alessia truly did love you, more than anything in this world (and definitely more than her Mercedes)
#alessia russo#alessia russo x reader#woso fanfics#woso x reader#woso#arsenal wfc#lionesses#engwnt#engwnt x reader#lionesses x reader#arsenal women#arsenal x reader
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What Happened Last Night? - Part 1
Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader
Summary: After burning the Book of the Damned and escaping the Styne’s, you all have a night of harmless celebrations back at the bunker. At least, it was harmless until Charlie suggested a game of Never Have I Ever, and the rest of your night became a blur. Friends to Lovers 18+ only
Word Count: 3,300
Warnings: Language, Dubious Consent (implied drunk sex), SMUT in part two
Or read it on AO3 here
A/N: Hey 👋 This is my first time posting a fanfic on Tumblr. The names’s Beth (Aussie/Dean-girl/tired mum). I’ve been on AO3 (and Wattpad) for over a year now and thought it was about time I put my big girl pants on and join the community here because it looks fun (though the social media side of this scares my close-to-midlife-crisis-ass). So, yeah, newbie in terms of everything here - please be kind. If you recognise me from the other sites, please say hi 😊 This is a cross post - there are two chapters total. Let’s see how this goes!
in vino, veritas
in wine, there is truth
Five bodies sat around the mess room table that night, drinking their troubles away and eating their fill.
You, Dean, Sam, Charlie, and Cas at the end, sitting on a wooden chair he’d brought in from the library to make more space for those of you who did eat.
"This won't work," you said to the other four, though it was technically directed at Charlie. Your tone was as condescending as you could make it under the influence of the alcohol you’d already consumed.
Three beers and two sneaky sips of Charlie’s Harvey Wallbanger you’d taken while she wasn’t looking.
It was one less ounce of bounce in her step for your at-the-time more than tipsy gal pal and well deserved. Especially now she’d revealed her true intentions on why she’d encouraged you to partake in drinking in the first place.
In her overly enthusiastic state, she’d suggested a game to get “The Party Started.” A phrase she’d attempted to sing in vain as only you seemed to understand its reference.
Though Sam might have had a clue. His mouth had turned up around the lip of his bottle he’d conveniently sipped during the rendition of the Black Eyed Pea's early noughties banger.
Dean was one hundred per cent clueless, of course. Nothing past the eighties was decent to him. Nothing except that one Taylor Swift song you’d caught him listening to when he thought no one was watching.
He had sulked then and had been sulking on and off again since last night. Brooding over the fact he’d lost his one chance to remove the mark. Unbeknownst that Sam had not burnt the Book of the Damned like he, Charlie and Cas thought, but in a better mood thanks to the booze and pizza he’d brought home.
You knew better.
Both about his demeanour and what had really happened with the ancient text.
You’d seen Sam swap it with a replacement and you’d promised him you’d keep your mouth shut. Something you were hating your past self for.
Past you was a fucking idiot.
A fucking idiot who was about to get drunk from a game of Never Have I Ever like Charlie had suggested, and at risk of spilling more than one can of beans if you didn’t think of something fast to stop it.
Charlie, the conniving little… She knew way too much about you after the last time you’d had a few with her and the glint in her eyes that you’d seen when she suggested the damn game was enough for you to know that what she was planning was dangerous.
A drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. Or something like that.
And she was almost there.
“What do you mean, it won’t work?” she said with far too loud a pitch that made even Cas uncomfortable.
Well, more uncomfortable than normal.
“Umm. The angel, for starters.” You directed your gaze at Cas, realising too late that you were going to give him a complex. “I think most of our everyday human experiences are going to be a never for him. And whatever he did in heaven will be the same for us. It’s unbalanced.”
“You’re thinking too much. He’ll get drunk. We’ll get drunk. That’s the point of the game,” Charlie said.
But her grin left her when a gruff, “I won’t,” interjected itself into the conversation.
Hah. Won’t. It was as if you’d sucked the happiness out of Charlie and taken it all for yourself to then rub it back in her face. “See. Cas doesn’t want to play. And Sam and Dean clearly don’t want to play either.” They'd said nothing against the suggestion and nothing against you now.
“Actually, you don’t have enough liquor here to get me drunk,” Cas added.
Don’t have enough… “Seriously?” You looked at him again and he nodded. An apologetic look on his face.
Which brought a ‘challenge accepted’ one into Charlie’s.
Looking around the room for support from the guys, you noticed Sam hiding a silent chuckle behind the bottle in his hand.
While Dean, who had been quiet since Charlie had burst out in song, locked eyes with yours. “Well, if there aren’t any more arguments from you, sweetheart, let’s play.”
And you thought Cas’ claim that there wasn’t enough booze for him was a surprise.
Fuck. Your head was pounding.
Your mouth was drier than a desert with a chalky sensation in your throat and lips that felt like they had cracked.
Yup. Cracked alright. They stung as you splayed your tongue over them, attempting to nourish the skin with what little wetness you had left in your mouth. A fat lot of good that did, though.
They weren’t the only part of your body feeling uncomfortable. Pins and needles from where you’d slept funny on your arm tingled from your funny bone to your wrist.
‘Ow. Fuck.’ Well, that hurt.
You were hung without a doubt, and just all over feeling seedy.
At least you’d slept some of the alcohol off and were no longer drunk. You thought.
The strands of hair that had made their way into your mouth and the saliva you strung along with it as you pulled it out would say otherwise. Urgh. Gross.
Had you been drooling? No wonder your throat was dry.
You groaned and forced your eyes open. Yes, you had. There was a wet patch on the white pillowcase below you.
Odd. You didn’t own white sheets.
You’d decorated your room in the bunker with as much colour as you could. What with the hunting life full of black, brown, denim and blood, you didn’t need any of that spreading into your personal space.
Of course, white was colour(ish), but again, you didn’t own white sheets, and your room didn’t have a solid wall where you were facing. Curiouser and curiouser. Your door was supposed to be right there.
You were at the correct end of the bed for it. A headboard behind you and a pillow underneath you, meaning you were lying on the right side. Yet all you saw was more bricks, a tall boy in some kind of brown and clothes that weren’t yours scattered on the surrounding floor.
Amongst them, a pair of jeans - okay, they might be yours. But the flannel? One plaid with various browns and greens. The very same Dean had been wearing last night?
Fuck.
Dean’s clothes. Dean’s room.
This was Dean’s room?
This was Dean’s room.
Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.
What were you doing here? The last thing you remember was… Fuck.
Those lips. Dean’s lips, plump and whiskey-tainted, had peppered kisses on you in more than one place. Over your mouth, your cheek and your neck. Lower...
You’d learnt the spot at the base of your ear above your lower jaw was quite sensitive. Dean had learnt that, too. He’d also learnt a few other things if your tainted memory served you correctly, and you, the same about him.
The way his muscles contracted around his chest and back. Every little ridge, taut and firm, continued even down his arm and into his hands. Those talented fingers had a way of placing pressure in just the right places to make you blush. They’d found their way under your shirt and bra and…
Oh… Oh…
Had you slept with him and not remembered the main event? Was that possible with Dean? Your friend. The guy you’d wanted to be more than for the longest of time.
You've fallen for him the day you’d met. With that charming smile and those dazzling green eyes.
And that was before you’d gotten to know him.
Now you knew the man behind the shit-eating grin. The playful, sometimes scary nerd (who refused to admit it) was loyal to those he cared about. A self-righteous martyr, who could be a bit of a dick sometimes and followed it too when the time was appropriate.
Not that he’d done it so much lately.
Except, maybe now.
You were screwed and without asking him, there weren’t too many ways to check if indeed you had been by him.
You turned your head slowly to find an empty bed next to you.
Thank fuck. There was plenty of time to ask, but his bed was not the place.
You stretched your legs out, noting they felt normal. Stiff if anything, but not in a way you’d expect if you’d partaken in good sex.
Of course, that meant nothing. Maybe the rumours you’d heard about Dean were untrue?
Yeah right.
You’d seen the satisfied faces from all of his past hook-ups as they fled his motel room the next morning. Possibly one in every state. He had brought none of them to the bunker though, meaning you were the first to sleep in his room. In his bed.
Go you... That was something to be proud of, not.
You’d hightailed it out of his room after all that. Slinking off down the hall to your own to get changed out of the clothes you’d been wearing the night before. You hadn’t been wearing them when you’d woken up, of course. Oh, no. You’d been wearing one of his henleys, braless underneath, and your underwear surprisingly still on.
While you’d think that would be a comfort for you, you knew that meant nothing. Though everything felt normal down there, so maybe it did.
You weren’t sticky when you had a shower, but you noticed the love bites above your breasts when you looked in the bathroom mirror after it. There were bruises on your hips too. Ones shaped like fingerprints that fingers had pressed into you on either side.
Hmm.
There was only one way to find out what had happened and once you’d primed and prepped yourself, wearing clothes that covered you from your neck to your toes, you made your way to the same room where everything had gone down the night before.
Stupid Charlie and her stupid fucking game.
“Hey, Charlie,” you greeted when she saw you enter. Her eyebrows raised, along with her grin. “Where’s everyone else?”
In other words - Where’s Dean?
Only Charlie sat at the table. The rest of the room was clear. There were no more pizza boxes, no more alcohol bottles and no one in the kitchenette. Not even someone’s head in the fridge.
Just Charlie, with the smell of bacon and freshly ground coffee lingering in the air around her.
Coffee. You needed some of that.
“Sam’s got his head in the books again. Can you believe he was up before eight?”
Actually, you could and you hummed in response as you took your fresh cup of steaming goodness up to your lips to sip.
“I think Cas has left the building. We may have gotten him drunker than we thought.” She smirked. “And I figured you knew where Dean was.”
Your mouth spluttered over the rim of your cup. Coffee now dripped down your shirt and a few of the drops had landed on the floor.
You flicked your eyes to your friend as you placed the cup on the table opposite her. Towels. You needed towels.
“Don’t give me that look. I saw you two after I left. And I checked on you this morning when I first got up. You weren’t in your room,” she said.
There was a knowing look on her face as you made your way between the pantry and back again that you ignored. Stooping down low to wipe the spill you’d made on the tiled floor below, only joining her once you’d discarded the paper towel in the bin along with your dignity.
Your hands went straight back to your cup, sipping on the rim and avoiding Charlie’s prying eyes.
“Come on. Let me live vicariously. What happened between you two?”
“I don’t know,” you whispered.
“You don’t know? I set this all up for you and him and you don’t know?”
“Ssshhh.” Your shoulders slouched, and you reached across the table to grab her arm. “I don’t remember, okay? I woke up in his bed but…”
“Did you two?” She made a crude gesture with her hands.
“I. Don’t. Know.” Your eyes were open wide as you enunciated every syllable to get your point across.
“How do you not know?” Charlie blinked a couple of times.
Drawing in a long breath, your mouth agape and ready to sigh it all out, you looked back at your friend and trembled your head in a quick shake. “I remember fooling around a bit but I don’t remember much more than that.”
“So you just woke up in his bed and don’t know how you got there?” she asked.
“I mean, I know how I got in his room, I remember that much, I think, but I don’t remember lying down or, you know.” The look you gave her was enough. You didn’t need to elaborate and even if you had wanted to, a heavy thud of boots echoed through the corridor outside.
Sure, it was possibly Sam, but that distinct gap between steps could only have been made by one bow-legged Winchester. And when Charlie’s face lit up opposite you and you heard the sound abruptly stop from somewhere near the door, you knew it to be true.
“Morning Dean,” she said. The chirpiness in her voice made you want to slap her silly but as you only had access to the hand that still held yours in the moment, you dug your fingernails into the skin below them instead. “Ow. You want some breakfast? There’s bacon still in the pan.”
Dean grunted and you felt eyes boring into the back of your head.
You refused to look behind you to where you knew he was pouring his own coffee by the sounds of it and released Charlie’s hand to pick up your cup. You took slow sips, keeping both your mouth and the rest of your body occupied while your elbows rested on the table, defending yourself from Charlie and her quips.
“How did you sleep?” she asked this time. Her eyes flicked between you both.
Could she be any more obvious?
“Fine,” he grumbled. “You got any more questions, or are you gonna leave us in peace to sort our own shit out?”
Fuck.
You looked over at Charlie with a pleading look that said ‘Please don’t go.’ My how things had changed. But she grinned back at you and wagged her eyes, before standing and leaving the room in haste. Damn traitor.
As her footsteps trailed off down the hall, the room grew uncomfortably silent. Making your sips the loudest thing to have ever existed in the world.
Your coffee was more bitter than it had been and you needed sugar pronto if you ever wanted to finish it.
You brought your cup down and placed it on the table before you to let your fingers fidget over the thin porcelain. Paying attention to each sharp angle between the curves and painted decorations. More so than was ever necessary.
Your eyes fixated on it, even as Dean took Charlie’s place across from you, watching you with caution. “So,” he cleared his throat. “How’d you sleep?”
Seriously? Taking Charlie’s line was how he wanted to start this. Well alrighty then. “Um. Fine, I guess. You?” You braved a glance at him, noting he was more serious in his disposition than usual.
“Like a log,” he said before silence filled the room again.
Right. You weren’t sure what you should say next. There was that big question on your mind, but you wanted, no, needed to approach it carefully. You didn’t want him to know you didn’t remember what if anything had happened between you.
Not for his ego, but for yours.
You took another glance at him and saw his tongue run along the inside of his cheek, making it stick out under the five o’clock shadow he was yet to get rid of. He always looked his best like that.
“I uh, I was surprised you weren’t there when I came back to my room just now.”
Wait. He was? “You were?”
“Yeah.” There was a defensive twang in his tone. It was subtle, but it was there. “I only went to take a shower and then I found you’d bolted… I thought…” He shook his head.
He thought. Thought what?
You looked him up and down. It wasn’t just his tone that was unusual. The way he held his shoulders and the way he gripped his coffee cup before him was odd. In anyone else, you’d say they were lacking in confidence, but Dean wasn’t like this.
The last time you’d seen him in such a way was after he’d killed Randy and the thugs in Pontiac and had come home dishevelled and broken over what he’d done.
“What did you think?” you asked, stretching your arm out to brush his hand across the table. Hoping that by doing so it might relieve whatever tension he was feeling.
There was a warmth there, that spread under your fingertips as your skin touched his and brought flashbacks to your mind of you touching other places on his body.
You’d seen him with his shirt off last night. Been up close and personal with his tattoo and the scars that adorned his chest. You’d felt the dip in his spine and the pressure of his waistband pressing into your thumbs when you’d hooked them under the denim that sat around his waist.
Had you gotten into those jeans last night?
“Last night,” he said, watching your hand with interest. “After what we talked about.”
What we talked about? You’d stayed up well into the night with him. Long after Sam and Charlie had gone to bed and Cas had disappeared to do whatever Cas does. But just like your memories of what took place in his room were drawing blank, so too were whatever words you’d exchanged with him.
All you could see were the grins and smirks he threw your way, and you nodded your head to stall. It didn’t do you any favours.
He was looking at you with a scrutinising gaze and just as your cheeks had burned when he found that spot under your ear, they did the exact same to you now and gave everything away. “You. You don’t remember? Do you?”
You bit your lip and shook your head. “I ah. I’m drawing blanks. Some of it, I remember, but I couldn’t tell you what we talked about after the others left. And…” You hesitated.
“What?” His eyes locked onto yours and while they made you nervous, you couldn’t pull away.
“Dean. Did we…”
He seemed almost disappointed. But rather than wait for you to finish your question, or answer it even though it was as obvious as Charlie had been, he stood up, scraping the chair along the floor as he did so to storm off.
‘What the fuck just happened?’
You had drunk a lot and been drunk because of it. You’d spent time with Dean alone after the others had gone to bed and had talked with him about something.
Something that led you to his room and into his bed.
There’d been action. Kisses and touches. A bit of groping and clothes being removed. Small flashes of that continued to form in your mind. But while marks had been left on your skin and you’d stayed the night in his bed, you couldn’t remember the physical act of him being inside of you. Or you giving him a happy ending either for that matter.
And now, he was disappointed.
Could it be that he felt the same way you did?
————————————————————Thank you for reading! I’ll try posting part two same time next week - or you can read it now on AO3 here. In the meantime, I’ll be trying to work this site out (and finishing my WIPs whose updates are overdue… 🙃
#dean winchester#dean winchester fanfiction#dean winchester x reader#dean x reader#dean winchester x you#dean x you#spn fanfiction#spn reader insert#reader insert#x reader#fem reader#dean winchester fic#supernatural fanfiction#dean winchester smut#one shots
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So I was like, let’s remain spoiler free about Epic. And I missed:
Jorge Rivera-Herrans and most of the cast coming to Greece.
Them getting into all sorts of trouble trying to get to Ithaca to do the livestream, including a storm. I mean, the meta of it is too funny.
Now, dear cast of Epic, I’m Greek. Not mad I’ve missed the social media fun, love that you cared enough to make this trip. I just want to ask, since this is the worst Christmas weather we’ve had in a while, what kind of gods' wrath did y'all awaken?
#epic the musical#I swear the weather doesn’t suck so much usually unless you’re close to the mountains around this time of year#although getting the idea to do this in greece is like asking for trouble for a number of reasons lol#also as I’ve been to ithaca not that many years ago#I hope they got better wifi since then?#anyway when I read about this I was like... this is so fitting#the livestream that I watched after I'd listened to the songs was glorious#everyone I told this to was like what made them think they could actually do this without a hitch
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wish that I wasn’t the one caring about everyone’s creations while no one cares about mine.
#ryan.txt#too depressing for my writing account lol#but I’m so fucking tired of it.#I have this one ‘friend’#heavy quotes bc one sided#and this fucker straight up.#I listen to every song they make#I read every fic#I look at every art piece#and they don’t even talk to me about my writing.#I’ve known them since like? late august I think?#they haven’t read my writing. once.#meanwhile I’ve lost count of how many of their works I’ve engaged in#they never ask how I am#whenever I try to make things about me the topic gets changed fast#today they even say the reason they were texting me so much was just to keep themselves awake#am I this fucking worthless dude am I
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My Magnum Opus
x
ref1, ref2
#they are so important to me you guys have no idea#I cried while drawing this#they are so sweet & I just want them to be happy#they found peace & happiness with each other#& that's enough for them <333#I've also listened to this song first a few years ago & have since made an entire animation in my head of them waking up together#in the morning just happy to be with each other#old-2D animation style of old animated movies (from like the 40s)#I seriously love them so much#this is seriously one of the most important things I’ve ever drawn#pip pirrup#damien thorn#sp dip#pip x damien#south park#my art
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update: it appears that most or all of the files on the passport drive are corrupt
💀😱😭
the music either doesn’t play at all or is fucked up and skips a lot. i tried moving some files onto the actual laptop hard drive but it didn’t make any difference
solutions … i could use a little advice
1. next time i’m in new york i’ll get my ex to re-attempt transferring the 375 GB music library into my possession by some other method. idk if this hard drive, which is pretty old but has been functioning fine, is the problem, or if the files just wrote badly first time round. i suspect the latter, and at this scale idk how to avoid it happening again. we shall pursue, though. i’m not gonna be able to just find all of this stuff again. rares, no longer available classical, bootlegs (is that still a word) and so on. we may have a stash of actual cds somewhere but i haven’t had a cd drive in some fucking time lmao. will come up with something, not worried, ex will be able to figure it out
2. but meanwhile i need some fucking music! i’ve drifted along with the occasional youtube listen on the phone, but now that i’m within groping distance of access to decent music at home, it’s suddenly a highly pressing need, and i take it seriously, bc the degree to which i value and listen to music historically has been a good mental health kpi
2A. i can put a certain amount of music physically on my phone, by downloading it to my phone. my phone can talk to these speakers fine. i only have two songs in the apple music app right now but they work. mostly that costs money, though, right? am i going to have to buy everything i want to listen to again. jffc. are there good places to get music for free in 2025 lol. i love artists and wish to support them but i have precarious to no income and i just can’t drop full price for more than like a half dozen albums rn
2B. i can stream stuff on demand through my phone into the speakers. this has always seemed to me like prima facie a terrible idea. surely if your wifi is hinky so will the fucking music be? it’s not unusual for my wifi to very briefly cut out and then come back. that’s happened often with every wifi system i’ve ever had including this one. does that not fuck up the music? other people seem to make streaming work, however, so
i gather spotify does this? i’ve used it before, not much and mostly on the computer but i had a subscription at some point, i can reactivate it or make a new one. is that the right solution to pursue for now
or should i look at a different streaming solution
or 2C. a secret third thing
sorry to ask dumb questions but i haven’t had occasion to personally wrangle together a sound system since the precambrian era, like probably the nineties, and the last time i got heavily into internet music acquisition was circa limewire (i assume all that dubious torrenting shit went away ages ago but you could find incredible stuff on there)
got a speakers/subwoofer set from my roommate who is one of those hi-fi enthusiasts with wild standards and equipment. he sold his best amp recently for a shitload of money. this stuff is just spare tertiary-tier crap he had sitting around and it’s fucking fantastic by my lights
the thing is controllable by bluetooth from pc or phone, which is fine
my question is when did local music files stop being a thing? maybe (definitely) i’m old, but i have 375 GB of music files i’m not gonna just throw away for the sake of a nice simple spotify or whatever cloud-mediated experience
it took like two hours of googlefumbling (including a phase of seriously considering resurrecting an old QNAP NAS system of R’s) for it to dawn upon me that i don’t have to move the music onto my phone or some fancy new device in lieu of phone, i can play it from the fucking laptop. that’s good, because, for some reason, “put mp3 file on iphone” is a completely infeasible motherfucking ask in 2024!
(it is a minor inconvenience moving the laptop around all the time, but that’s why it’s a laptop and not a desktop)
next problem is mp3 player apps for the laptop, which mostly don’t seem to be able to recognize and work with a library of local files consisting of simple fucking nested folders on a computer (you know — music / artist / album or named misc collection / song.mp3 files) such that i can be like “play this whole album from start to finish.” which is only the number one ask i’m likely to have of the system??? i don’t Want to have to play songs individually, manually, every song. for some music this is horribly disruptive! but windows media player appears to demand i do that!
i’m trying another app now that seems reasonably promising qua interface but it’s still cataloguing the music library, which seems like a huge undertaking roughly equivalent to downloading all the material. i played like three songs very early in the process (patience is not my forte) to see how they’d sound on the awesome speakers and two of them were noticeably garbled; hoping the process is such that those files were incomplete at the time and that it’ll all work properly once the thing gets done onboarding itself 💀
i would have thought that by 2024 personal tech would be easier to wrangle tbqfh but it all seems to have gotten substantially worse instead of better since the iPod era
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✨When you get this, list 5 songs you like to listen to, publish. Then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite accounts (Positivity is cool)!!🎶✨ /nf
AHHHH CAITIE ☹️❤️ thank u for thinking of me ☹️❤️ u are the awesomest ever 🫶 choosing just five songs was very tough !!! i ended up just choosing 5 of my all-timers :)
#maybe 5 of the best songs ever made#engine notably was my post-grad song this past spring#like i listened to it constantly while pre-grieving all my friends moving off campus and out of town/state 😭#it’s so excellent…#sun bleached flies is maybe my fav off preachers daughter??? but it’s very hard to choose#every song is insanely good on there#album of all time#my biggest flex is i’ve been listening to ethel since 2019#like i’m obsessed with her#i can and i will another post-grad song another song of all time#searows is so underrated everyone should listen to him#his music is so beautiful and he has like no bad songs#sex the 1975 is just like. one of my top 3 of all time.#i think matty healy needs to either become a recluse or die#but god damn#he has made some great tunes#and fatal !!! my fav song ever probably#she and i have so much history…#miw has been one of my fav bands forever they really carried me through middle school#and fatal is their best song and it’s so underrated it makes me so sad#anyway#thank u caitie !!!#not self ship#rye responds !
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EVERYONE LISTEN TO CREATURES IN HEAVEN BY GLASS ANIMALS
#NEW GLASS ANIMALS ALBUM COMING OUT#It comes out near my birthday too…#it’s like they know I’m the number 1 glass animals fan#I’ve been on top 0.05% listeners on Spotify for them for 3 years#I already wanna animate this song#I have so many ideas#it’s been like an hour since I started listening to this on loop#glass animals#creatures in heaven#I love you so f***ing much ga
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flippin boobahs!
#weezer#rivers cuomo#brian bell#patrick wilson#scott shriner#OKAH HI CHAT#i’ve been thinking#this tag will be just a rant not really weezer related#yk laufey ?#i was listening to her song ‘letter to my 13 year old self’ and just started overthinking about myself when i was younger#i just think about my younger self and get so sad thinking about her; i wish i could’ve done more for her#i was a huge introvert and talking to anybody made me super super anxious; so much so that my teacher noticed and had me join a ‘social#emotional learning’ group where we spoke about low self esteem and how to raise it and everything like that#i only left it in 8th grade because i didn’t wanna keep missing class for it; but it made me so sad to think i thought so low of myself#i would wear hoodies all the time and jeans because i used to hate my body a lot#which is awful to do in socal heat!#i think it started because in my family i was always stereotyped as the fat one; yk how mexican families are? they called me gordita for#the longest time; which made me incredibly insecure and only in 10th grade did i start showing my arms 😭 IK ITS DUMB BUT ITS SO WEIRD#i still can’t do it entirely; i’ll wear shrugs and things like that because i still am insecure about my arms sometimes but ive been better#i only really had one friend but she had a different lunch; so i was alone for most of the time on the swings by myself or sitting at the#lunch tables alone waiting for lunch to end and this noon duty came to me a lot and would talk to me since she felt bad i was always alone#while everybody else played with each other ; and i don’t know why i just broke down thinking about how lonely i was at the time#i’d go to the school’s friendship room everyday after that because it was just a teacher who let kids come inside her room to play games if#they didn’t wanna be in the heat and soon i became friends w the teacher and she’d play uno with me everyday; mainly because the room was#relatively empty until they got loom bands! and i was an expert on loom bracelets so i would help others make them and that was a confidenc#e boost; i remember being proud of myself for socializing like that LOL#i just get sad thinking about that time; i like to think that if little Lyss saw me; she would be so proud because i have friends;#a boyfriend ; good grades ; and i’m well liked and regarded. i hope she’s proud of my progress socially because it was such a leap#i wish i could go back in time and tell her how much better things get and how she won’t be lonely forever#…and to not online date. definetly don’t do that one.
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Happy anniversary to that bit of promo specifically.
sneak peak • Eddie at his new job
#outside looking in#911 season 5#911 promo#eddie diaz#down to ride by skegss#I’ve listened to this song so much since then#for normal reasons
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sigh
#getting Taylor fatigue perhaps#thinking about.. a lot of stuff on ttpd#today Florida was playing in the store and the “weed or little babies” line slapped me in the face and then I couldn’t stop thinking about#how cringey it was for the rest of the afternoon#and then I kind of mentally went down a spiral of other Choices I don’t love#and like!! idk I did like a lot of songs on ttpd#some of the Silly was fun#fell into the anti ttpd tag and people do love to dunk on so high school and imgonnagetyouback but I don’t really have anything against thos#like! let her have fun! Aristotle/grand theft auto!#but there’s also a lot of other choices (specifically lyrically) that I just…. hm.#the reason I stopped listening to the title track too#there’s *some* good lines in there. a couple good lines. but there’s too much cringe the whole I can’t listen to that song#and I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I’m not trying to say anything specific.#I’m not mad about everything and especially compared to the actual antis I definitely enjoy the album more than many of them do#but also. not like the Crowd of Swifties does#and yeah just in general. things about her behavior recently are Very Disappointing#*gestures vaguely*#so idkkk#ik i have talked about this before on the other side of the argument like. if you hate Taylor why are you still here you hater???#and I don’t hate Taylor but I don’t really like her very much either. idk and I continue to like A Lot of her music#and idk idk#I’ve been thinking this on and off since ttpd release#and some days I like her less than other days#but maybe I’m thinking it’s just time for me to take a step back.#I don’t want to become a hater so if I have anything to rant about I’ll try to keep in it some tags like this or just in my group chat#but yeah. if I am less interested in or inclined to talk about Taylor and my swiftie mutuals wonder. that’s why#I’m still 100% down to talk about the music though!!! but maybe I’m going to become one of those people who are asked if they like TS and#they’ll be like “mmm I like her older stuff”#maybe that’s where I’m headed
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listening to the hackney diamonds live “album” [those like 7 songs that they recorded live] and it’s honestly so jarring how much better the new material is without the horrific production, like truly just astounded the production of the album was so horrible that a group of 80 year old men just fucking around on stage sounds so much better ? you’d think it’d be the other way around but alas andrew watt seems to be in a competition with himself to see how horrendous he can make an album sound via production
#i like the album and all but i had to train my ears to not hear the production which is… not good#the first listen i tried not to let it effect my thoughts on the actual music but it was very hard to ignore#like my heart dropped when the first line of keith’s song came on and he sounded SO autotuned#i think it’s a fine album#good turn your brain off stones music#not like as good or as bad as other albums#but that production is so horrific#it sounds really good live which i guess is what matters since that’s what you really really pay to see#but like andrew watt really fucked it up in the studio#which sucks ! because this is proof that you really do not need to be doing all that#and i’ve said a few times but it should not have been *that* obvious keith wasn’t behind the boards at all#like him and mick produce in a way you barely notice and so having so much production made it so bad 😭#tired of andrew watt is a savior narrative because he really dropped the ball and im terrified for him to do new music with other artists#tbh#it’s really really…. mmmm#also if the stones release another album with the hackney outtakes they better not go with watt again#he deserves to be locked in a closet#stones
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🎵 for the ask game!!
from this ask game
🎵 - Which OC has the most similar music taste to you, and which OC has the least similar music taste to you?
i think Dew has the most similar music taste to me because he listens to a lot of alternative/indie which is stuff i like too. some artists i feel like Dew would listen to are glass beach, arcadia grey, alex g, lemon demon, idkhow, ricky montgomery, radiohead, maybe jhariah, probably mcr, he’d definitely listen to weezer, and he probably also had a cavetown phase, and stuff like that. he doesn’t have my exact music taste because that would include will wood and idk if i’m gonna make him canon to tllr mainly because his songs hugely inspired Anton’s character LOLL. Dew also listens to a lot of video game and cartoon music like he’d definitely listen to the undertale or adventure time soundtracks allll the time too.
Anton definitely has the least similar music taste to me because that man does not listen to music at all and that’s honestly his only negative trait in my eyes /j. but really, he just doesn’t listen to music. maybe an instrumental here and there in the background but otherwise it’s really distracting for him. he prefers to listen to natural sounds like the rain or birds chirping or screams of agony yk? or i can see him listening to podcasts, like in another life he’d probably be a tma fan hahhaha. if he did listen to music though, it’d be closer to will wood’s genre (because that’s the music i associate him with) but like specifically the really noisy chaotic sounding ones
anyway my favorite artists (that i will spend listening to on repeat for literal months on end) are will wood, harley poe, jhariah, and toby fox :)
#I LOVE MUSIC SOOO MUCH#fun fact i went to a glass beach concert a few weeks ago and that’s how i first heard arcadia grey#and i’ve been listening to their songs on repeat ever since#they’re so fucking good i recommend them so much#also like#i have a huge range of music taste like the stuff i mentioned here is not even close to All of it#i just don’t wanna list off like 50 different artists i like lol#ask#tllr ask#dew oc#anton oc
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It is loving Yang Xiao Long hours
#rwby#rwby spoilers#(just in case)#yang xiao long#I’m just thinking about how shattered she’s gonna be in the next episode#and I don’t think im ready for that 🥲#I’ve been listening to all of her songs since Saturday#and godddd her and Ruby have been through SO much and they are both so strong#what an honor what an injustice
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I’m gonna be honest, 90% of the games I play or want to play don’t come from game recs from friends they actually come from fruddle’s sleepy video game music for 2 hours (vol. 2 and 3)
#professor Layton Majora’s mask/the legend of Zelda final fantasy animal crossing new leaf mgs the ori games Mario sunshine…#okami kingdom hearts when I say final fantasy I mean like every old final fantasy game morrowind xenoblade#and a ton of really niche jrpgs#these are a mix of games I’ve played and really want to play like songs from these games have haunted me like the phantom of the#opera haunted Christian daee#I’m bewitched by the music I must know more#I miss you so much fruddle shoutout to the people who uploaded download links to their compilations so I can continue to listen to#my all time favorite songs#literally been listening to these comps since 2014 they got me through high school and college#I used to have this one music box ghibli comp I loved so much but didn’t think to download it and it got deleted 🥲🥲🥲🥲
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you know what they say about you never forget your first love? yeah bts is my first love that I’ll never forget
#honestly feeling pretty sad and reminiscing of the times I used to be so involved in kpop specifically bts#i grew up listening to their songs and I found comfort in them and armys#I got into their music when I was only 14 and I’m now 24#I graduated high school and college in that span of time and I’ve learned and grown a lot since then#and although I’m not into bts like that angmkre watching bangbangcon is a bittersweet reminder of how much happiness I found in them#and their music#sigh#things will never be the same tbh and that’s ok#as of now I’m currently getting into Kpop again after taking a 4 year break in that time I discovered and listened to new artists#one memorable one is joji#recently I went to a txt concert on a whim bc I really wanted to experience a kpop concert#funny enough you never stop being a kpop Stan and that concert woke my old self up lmao#I guess you can call me a yeonjun Stan now#I miss bts 😔
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