#I’ve had it like four months
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someone tell me why today of all days my brakes had to snap WHILST I was driving 😭
#scary shit#I was going into oncoming traffic#and they were doing like 40mph fyi#and my brakes were just like damn I don’t wanna fucking do this anymore#cries in broke#like just hit me while I’m down why don’t you#fuck cars#if i don’t laugh i’ll cry#and it’s a new car#it’s ten years old but it’s new to me#I’ve had it like four months
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11/20
#big day for doomed yaoi enjoyers#(me)#i’m never ever doing this again i was screaming every minute coloring this i literally cannot do hard light#biggest case of “trust the process” i’ve ever experienced in my life#also i was gonna originally do a gun instead of knife to keep it canon but i quickly learned i can’t in fact draw guns#a knife is more symbolic anyway. stabbed in the back. yk#(trying to comfort myself that i can’t draw firearms even after eight years of art)#i remember playing this scene for the first time and actually breaking down at 2am bc that betrayal STUNG#i actually had no remorse for akechi after that 😭😭 i actually felt like a sadist for enjoying beating his ass in shidos palace#akechi as a character was specifically designed to make me go through all five stages of grief within a matter of minutes#absolute rollercoaster of emotions#ANYWAY IM FINALLY FREE TIME TO NOT DO ART FOR THE NEXT FOUR MONTHS 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼#persona 5 royal#persona 5#p5#p5r#ren amamiya#akira kurusu#goro akechi#akechi goro#shuake#akeshu#lotus draws
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*glances at my 32 unposted yet finished chapters*
me: this is fine
#Lloyd’s Guide To Surviving The Merge (And Finding A New Family Through It)#I’ll post them soon I swear!#I’ve had these written for MONTHS but like#I’ll start posting once I finish these next four#lego ninjago#ninjago#ao3#ao3 author#my family says I should post them#Pretty sure my mom thinks I’m crazy#lego ninjago dragons rising#lloyd garmadon#ninjago dragons rising#I’m also a little scared because my fanfics have predicted new Ninjago lore before#Like wdym Morro is actually back???#WDYM I PREDICTED THAT#im scared#anyway if you guys wanna talk about the new Morro leaks drop an ask cos I need to yap about it!
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Bakugo Katsuki.
#this week.#LISTEN TO ME CHAPTER 396… 3+9+6 = 18 AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF HE DOESNT LIVE TO BE THAT AGE#😭😭#I cannot BELIEVE it’s been ONE YEAR… a full year??? like 12 FULL MONTHS SOON TO BE 365 DAYS?!????#like genuinely a FULL YEAR#?????#ALL FOUR SEASONS AND EVERYTHING?!?!??#OUR PLANET WENT AROUND THE SUN#what about Deku’s sun huh??? the light of his life??? his other half??? his—dare I say—soulmate???#how am I still processing#I’ve had a year to do it shdkdhsjkddh#THIS IS STILL UNREAL TO ME#bkdk#dkbk#bakudeku#dekubaku#:’)
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I love when i have to fight off the Thoughts. Constantly.
#ugh why has this whole month just felt like it’s been ten thousand years#it’s been stressful and I stg the Feb bad has just continued into March and ugh#shut up sarah#sorry I just. Thursday was shit. Friday was stress. Saturday I had four hours of sleep and then Sunday and today I’ve just been dead not#wanting to do any work but knowing I have a bunch and literally nothing is wrong but#on the plus side I found a great corner in my home for crying in. very comfy good little corner surrounded by furniture so it’s great#fav new spot to sit and ponder my existence for my allocated shitty brain time for the day before I make myself half do the pressing shit
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thank you for the tag @fxreflyes this is so cute, except the format is trying to hinder my propensity to ramble, so i’ve rectified this in the tags lmao
i’m over 5'5 / i wear glasses or contacts / i have blonde hair / i often wear sweatshirts / i prefer loose clothing over tight clothes / i have one or two piercings / i have at least one tattoo / i have blue eyes / i have dyed or highlighted my hair / i have or have had braces / i have freckles / i paint my nails / i typically wear makeup / i don’t often smile / resting bitch face / i play sports / i play an instrument / i know more than one language / i can cook or bake / i like writing / i like to read / i can multitask / i’ve never dated anyone / i have a best friend i’ve known for over five years / i am an only child
no pressure tags for @static-radio-ao3 @inevitablestars @itsjaywalkers @carniferous @orbitfalls @transsexualpriest @futurequibblerjournalist <333
#i'm like 5'7 i think. fun fact i used to wear glasses when i was like 11 bc all my friends were getting glasses and i wanted some too so i#lied to my optician. lol good times. don't actually need glasses tho soooo.#this is me coming out as a natural blonde guys….. like my hair hasn’t been blonde in a good year or so and it hasn’t been my natural blonde#in like three/four years but still in my heart of hearts i identify as a blonde. like i get confused when people don't count me as one#i have my ears and nose pierced and i would love a tattoo but unfortunately i have both a fear of needles and commitment issues so.#not sure if that’ll ever happen… would be very hot and sexy tho. also i'm one of those freaks with green eyes lol it's appaza quite rare#my hair is currently like dark dark brown… have been getting the itch to dye it again tho like a kinda reddish colour idk yet we’ll see#i had braces for AAGES. i have freckles in the summer and i paint my nails whenever i remember to. rn they’re a very chipped lilac colour#i think i have a resting bitch face but i can never tell tbf like it might be more of a resting 'dead to the world' face lmao#okay technically i don’t play an instrument anymore! but in the past i’ve dabbled with the cello the oboe and the xylophone. singing too#spanish and italian baybee although ig if this means like fluently then that’s not me but this is literally my degree it’s my whole brand#yes i like to read but also the only things ive read in like the last few months have been either books in spanish/italian for my degree#literary criticism for said span/ital books and… fanfic. so. also i like writing but it's my worst enemy rn the thoughts aren't working :(#i have many best friends that i’ve known for years!!!! in fact i've known some of my friends for like my entire life it's very cute#okay sorry for rambling i can never help myself and i also literally could go on icl like there was Some restraint applied here#kara lore#bc there's quite a lot of it in this one lol#tag games
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my brain is so fucking stupid. I was bullied in fourth grade, my friends were like “actually erm we don’t want to be friends with you :/“ on the second to last day of eighth grade (even though we were all zoned for different high schools and would never see eachother anyway). And because of that my brain is, as my therapist and mother (two different people,) theorized, “hyper vigilant for any perceived social ostrichaztion”. The thing is it’s fucking stupid about it. Sure it has the generic “uwu your friends probably hate you secretly” thing.
But it also. Like: I’ll see a post that is somewhat negative towards a thing I like or a trait I even remotely identify with (including stuff as vague as ‘nervous’ or ‘writer’) and I’ll be like “yeah that makes sense” or “I don’t agree but I also don’t care”. But then my brain will repeat the negative phrase on loop for like a week. And will trigger physical reactions (crying, shortness of breath, etc) in response to it. I’ve actually had public panic attacks over things I give 0 shits about because my brain is a fucking helicopter parent.
#there’s one fic writer I love the work of#Who’s made a lot of good posts for a semi niche ship I like#And they’ve done nothing wrong but some of their posts (which again are not morally wrong my brain just sucks ass) have caused this#To the point I had to unfollow them#And a mutual reblogged one of their new posts that has the hallmarks of something that could cause this#(Reason I made this post actually. My thought is that venting about it will get my brain to stfu)#Thankfully since most of their stuff I look at is related to this ship so for now I’m safe#Because I’m currently fixating on oliretta and benslie ship wise (and in general I have rewatched like most of parks and rec)#(Within the span of a week. It’s a problem)#I’ve been on/off obsessed with this ship for like two (?) years so chances are I only have#Maybe four months to get my brain to calm the fuck down#vent#vent tw#vent post#mental health#mental health issues#anxiety disorder#Idk if this is a result of it but I do have clinical anxiety so that could be part of it#bullying#btw fuck people who say “bring back bullying” in response to people being cringe#Like that shit can effect people#And god forbid a teenager or young adult be confident about what they like#Instead of having issues likely caused by being treated like shit by their classmates when they were younger#stress#actually mentally ill#mental illness#actually anxious#bullying mention
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my period app being like ‘late for 38 days!!’
baby girl, i haven’t had a period, since this time in may, but alright <3
#surprise i’m pregnant!!!#imaoooooon nahhhh#but my body is weird and i don’t get super regular periods bc my weight is constantly up and down and for probably a whole host of other#reasons#i’ve never been regular in general#but like missing a month is considered pretty normal#i swear i didn’t have a period for like a year once#and it’s been like nearly four months(?) now soooo 🤷🏻♀️#like i’m fine otherwise#idk what my current weight is but like i don’t think it’s like dangerously bad rn#i don’t like to think about it too much bc my brain LOVES to latch on to that shit and not let go and make me feel like shit#just in general i have a hard time keeping weight on#and like it’s not that eat too little (except sometimes i do oops)#bc like half the time i eat the same as my brother and he’s like 10 stone or something#i have been flip flopping between 8 and 9 for the last couple years#but it’s not like all my problems would immediately be solved if i were heavier (using that term lightly)#but like not eating does my symptoms worse bc like obviously not eating = lack of energy#but like eating doesn’t make my body magically fixed and function like a able bodied person’s is what i mean#but anyways i don’t think i’ve had a normal menstrual cycle in like 5+ years#so hehe x#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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Ranger photo dump!!!
^ puppy who takes such good care of me when I’m not feeling well
#he’s good at snuggles#and he’s calmed down so much in the four months I’ve had him#he’s getting so brave! he likes walking at the park now!#and he likes kayaking and swimming in the river#the being of chaos speaks#ranger dog
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honestly, after watching the bg3 rpc collapse totally because of shitloads of elitist entitlement (yes i am ever and always the person who doesn’t give a fuck, i’ll say what i want) it’s really been half a sociology study and i cannot believe how insane it was.
#ooc. o kaptain.#[i feel like it existed and collapsed inside of like four months it’s mesmerizing. but also. oh my god why would you let fandom perception#bother you that much. i literally went through nbc Hannibal while it was running and it easily had one of the most toxic and messy fandoms#in the days of the less discord heavy internet. granted some of them (and us it’s me) were wonderful. and I’ve met such incredibly#fantastic people during my time here. but like. Tara can attest to how hard it is writing Alana at the point when the fandom did nothing but#shit on her for like. literal years. honestly? i think everyone’s gotten infinitely too sensitive and the separation between fandom and rp#fandom is like…. a thing. fandom overall is never going to have a take that’s not scalding hot or putrid. you have to let. it. go.]
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heol
#unrelated its ltr not even what i linked but chasing time - azealia.. Dontttt omg ts is so facking good who made that beat!!!!!!!!!!#ANW. if breakaway is minhui then this is yijun. mayb the single ver more than true romance ver actually.. it js sounds more raw#i rly wanna talk abt why he hates jaehee#bc i’ve yapped abt minhui and talked abt DY/JY sort-of parallels in replies somewhere i found it the other day#and ik the ‘he doesn’t fit’ is what's been written (in pieces + that yt rundown i think) but likee it goes deeper than that#im gnna struggle to put it into words properly but im talking to myself so i can not make sense as much as i want thanks#ok. so he goes on and on abt how jaehee ruined BS bec he ‘didn’t fit’ into the four that they were without him but. he’s lowk projecting#he joined JG in 2016 - jiyeol mai hyeonmin and KOHEN were all there before him. jy’s in ‘08 mi + kh in 2010 + hm 2011#they chucked their whole childhoods away for jg - and in reward they were meant to be jg’s first boygroup#they ltr would’ve debuted in 2013 if it wasn’t for hyojoo being like hey! this is kinda weird lol! a 17 yo two 15 yos + a 13 yo is weird!#yj was late as HELLLL 2the party. he wouldve been left as a trainee while JY MI KH HM debuted as 9ANTHER if it wasnt 4 The Kohen Mai Thing#aka they started messing around in like 2014 while jy pretended he wasnt abt to crash out and hm had to listen to jy trying not2 crash out#then it got real bad like august 2016 and all of a sudden they HATEDD eo they couldnt even b in the same room#(aka. kh wanted him mi wanted jy and said Lollll i hate u die)#all in all: kh kicked off debut team. spot opens up for yijun right as he enters the company. he’s not cut out for ts at all#he was lonely back home and now he’s lonely here and now apparently he’s in a debut team with 3 guys who know eo and he wants to die#hyeonmin like smiles at him like ONCE during practice and he latches on fastttt this leech 😭😭😭 tries to worm his way in via hm#spoiler! it only half works theres sand under his skin he hates it all he’s not meant for them he needs a gun#it gets better over the years and jy + mi sorting their shit out & cutting off kh completely makes yj feel wayy more secure#and then they debut even if it is after yoonhae’s literal death. and then jaehee comes in like Hiii i like to act and colour ^_^#HE WNATS TO DIEE ITS HIM ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!!! cant even bear to look at him#like the walls are UP he’s not letting himself become kohen. and when jh tries to get close to min - ltr exactly like he did.......#ITS NEVER BEEN MORE BONSOVERRRR#so there. he’s mean and hates him and wants him dead for that. Yayyyy#kh has def said some nasttyyyyy shit to yj too ijbol like mind you he didnt leave jg until jy did! THIS YEAR!#the song. is abt himself. him to him in the mirror. to kohen. to jaehee. he’s mad at shit that’s never happened and he’s never gonna stop#the ‘why did you fall for me’ though.. that’s him to min like#he feels like he’s conned him into it - bec the first couple months he only rly was around him to try and get into the inner circle#and then he fell in Lol. Gay#‘you’re not there / you’re just an echo’ is def towards hm after 2020 when him and mai left too ouhhhhh throws up
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When you’ve been your mother’s mature eighteen-year-old since you were eight so when you actually turn eighteen it feels like nothing’s changed for the past ten years
#I have four months until I turn 19 and I still don’t feel like I’ve had my 10th birthday#childhood trauma#oldest daughter syndrome#vent#text post#parentification
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possessed by the art fight bug…. who knew I had this power…..
#what the heck I’ve drawn more in the past 2 days than the past two months#Maybe even like four months …. Six months ….#I hate school if only I had this free time all the time …. Or took an art elective kmao …#day blabs
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The dog is acting a little funny so I had to stay home cos my anxiety is through the roof about it
#it’s 99% probably nothing#like not vet worthy at all#he just eats things he shouldn’t and also has the most sensitive digestive system I’ve ever seen#so he gets sick#the four dogs we had die weirdly and/or run away in like an 18 month period are outliers and shouldn’t be counted#and yet#anyway now idk what to have for dinner because we usually do dinner at my brothers games on Fridays#so now I either have to find something to get delivered for a ridiculous price#or wait until like 9:30-10 for what will probably be McDonald’s because nothing else is open#he’s just gonna nap until everyone gets home and then act like the crack head he normally is and I’m gonna feel stupid about it but anyway
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i’m literally going to **** ******
#i’ve been without T for a month or so because my doctor forgot to prescribe it again when my last prescription period was over bc she could#only prescribe it a year at a time. so i went in to do bloodwork because ive been having health problems like getting a light period and#PMDD a year and a half into being on T and it happened to be when she was supposed to represcribe which iwas like ok nice!#but she forgot to represcribe it so I was 2 weeks without it before I realized that hmm something probably happened#so I called her and she fixed it. then the pharmacy told me that they're out of stock. so I called them to find out when it'd be in stock.#then they said it's in stock but she prescribed me the 10mL bottle when my insurance doesn't cover that. so I called her again to fix that.#and she said that she didn't prescribe me that because why would she when my shots aren't even close to 1 mL? so I called the pharmacy#and they said yeah idk who said that it's wrong. your T will be ready later today. I go to pick it up and quite literally the moment I pull#up to the window the pharmacists pull down the shade that says they're closed on lunch. so ive had horrible mental health and physical symp#oms for the past month because I've been without t right? so I thought okay when I come back home from moving out of my apt#because my pharmacy is in my hometown; then ill get my T. and then once I get my T I can start my new medication because I want my levels t#stabilize before we introduce something new into the ecosystem. and im cleaning my apartment today and going through bags and shit and lo a#behold? there are four fucking boxes of T sitting in a bag in my closet JUST LIKE I THOUGHT! I JUST COULD NOT FIND THEM so ive been going#through hell for fucking nothing. for literally nothing. and I was like oh my god okay I have my T I should go and pick up my new medicatio#and I go to get my shoes on and look at the clock and it's 5:01. they close at 5.#and I have my appointment with my psychiatrist on Wednesday where shes going to ask me how it's been starting my medication and im going to#have to tell her I havent started and im not better at all and im so new to her im nervous what she will say. sorry for being crazy. im not#good at this or medication. sorry. do you want me to kill myself ill do it in front of you if that would help. AUGHHHHGHHGHGHHHHHHHHHHGGHGH#NONE OF THIS HAD TO HAPPEN. I JUST HAVE SO MUCH SHIT IN MY APARTMENT BECAUSE ITS SO SMALL THAT I COULD NOT FIND PRESCRIPTION MEDICATION#I HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LET ME OUTTTTTT (in my brain)
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i am god’s strongest soldier (tummy hurts in a new jersey airport)
#personal#pray for me#hot girls with stomach issues#but in like a distinctly not girl way#i am a girl only when it’s funny#this is literally the first time i’ve left nyc since august#i had to ask a cop for help :((((#i left the house a whole four and a half hours before my flight takes off#i have not slept#i was so nervous about waking up on time that i just decided not to go to bed#i did turn off the lights and laid in the dark and scrolled on here for a while but#then i decided to leave the apartment a whole hour earlier than i had originally planned#i could have still left at 4:30 and been fine but taking two suitcases all the way to jersey is a fucking process#people were very nice to me tho so i have hope for the world#i am shaking quite a bit because i drank one of those energy drinks from dunkin and i am so regretting it because it was terrible#i only got it because i was trying to avoid the tummy hurts but it did not work :(((((#i swear i’m going to start balling the moment i step out of the airport#i’m literally so homesick that i think actually being home for just a week might make this last month and a half completely unbearable#i think i have a window seat tho so that’ll be nice#i literally have never had a window seat flying to or from nyc which is a shame#so fingers crossed#anyway this got long#thanks for reading this mess if you got this far
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