#I’ve got all my Kandi on

[bluesiren111]

Heading down to Another Furry Convention in Ontario!!! :333

I’m super excited to see and meet people here!!

[fox-pr1nce]

Surprise! I also make kandi bracelets sometimes :3 (I used to make them alllll the time, but then I started hyperfixating on other stuff lol)

Been itching to make a tcoaal bracelet since I got into it, and I finally made one ^-^

[peapod20001]

Haha uhm... 👉👈 would anyone care to hear some of my oc voiceclaim songs..

[victory-cookies]

DUDE THAT WAS AMAZING

[1greyscale1]

i’ve said this before, but i should say again

i love my system.

i love every one of them. i love the ones that have stayed since god knows how long, i love the ones who have stayed for a day or two and left, i love the ones who have been here, left, and came back. i love my system. we are one happy family, and i can’t express my love for every one of them. i’m rambling right now, but i don’t care. i need to put it out there. i love everyone of us.

i’m going to say some words about all of them now.

Alastor. I love him so much. my Alyaly. he formed one stressful night, it was a car ride back home from the airport after a big trip. i was listening to some sad songs, and ‘we’ll meet again: alastors version’ popped up somehow. playing it, i sobbed silently. he formed to comfort me, make sure i was going to be okay. he made me feel better. i love him, my Alyaly.

Rosie, oh Rosie, my Aunt RoRo. she helped me with colouring and learning to calm down easier. she was there for me when i needed her, and even though she had some times where she would leave, she always came back. i love Aunt RoRo.

Corvid… Corvid… Corvid… oh how kind and uplifting she is. she formed from my interest in kandi bracelets. she joined me whenever i wanted to make bracelets, and we even combined our interests and made a ‘SELF-iSH’ cuff! i love her personality, and how her level of chaos connects with mine. i love Corvid.

Ion! i love ion, the wine aunt of our family. we sometimes joke about her being more insane then Corvid. just our little inside joke, but it means a lot to us. she is very knowledgeable and loving. she formed from just a name. a simple name. she dated Corvid after a few days of her being formed, and they’ve been together since. she makes the best jokes, and loves to make kandi with Corvid and I. i love Ion.

Adam, the big man. when he formed, he was tough and rude. but after a little, he got closer to us, and broke down his tough exterior. he dated Lexi after the two clicked like puzzle pieces. meant for each other. Adam is splendid, he is my older brother figure, and loves Lexi like there’s no tomorrow. i love Adam.

lovely little Lexi. she was sort of always here, no real form date, but we love her nonetheless. she has a very bouncy and open personality, with the brightest smile a human could ever imagine. always kind, caring, and of course part of our family. she loves Adam to death, making sure he’s got everything he needs whenever he seems down. she’ll always hug people if they need it. she is the sweetest person ever. i love Lexi.

last but certainly not least, Rowan. our fox. when he formed, he was very cautious with any information he gave to us, asocial, and more secluded. but eventually, he became more calm around us, telling us more about himself, and eventually being a big part of our family. he’s our fox, and our best friend. i love our fox, Rowan.

i love my family.

[pansyfemme]

how did you get into making kandi? it looks cool & i want to try but idk where to start

honestly my best advice is to just jump into it. the supplies i find best for beginners and bascially what i use is:

-standard size pony beads (beadtin.com has the best prices if you’re making a large order or need a lot of a specific color but they’re easy enough to find as it is, dollar tree has some, not of great quality, but its how i started out.)

-cloth covered elastic stretch cord, i use 1mm. as tempting as it is, avoid ‘stretch magic’ or other clear stretch cords or uncovered elastic, the first dry rots over time and the second snaps easily. i know its annoying that it’s not clear but your peices will benefit from it. alternatively, if you are making a mask or bikini or a strap for a bag or something else that does not need to stretch, use fishing line, it’s very strong and stiff so it will make your rows look way neater and not get stretched out with wear. (again, only do this with peices that do not need to be stretched, if you use fishing line on a cuff you will regret it)

-yarn needle (plastic or metal, i use a metal one. make sure its small enough to fit through beads but large enough to be able to fit your cord.) you dont technically have to use one but it is a lot easier when you’re doing stitches

- scissors + a lighter for burning ends if needed

and then it’s youtube tutorials.. theres just about everything you need on there but i reccomend learning the peyote (odd and even variations), x-base and multistitch stitches. more complex tutorials expect you to know how to do those stitches so they’re a good place to start.

while all of these stitches are very versitile, x-base is most commonly used as the base for 3d cuffs. peyote is often used for making flat panels seen in purses and bikinis, and multistitch is often used to make cuffs. kandipatterns.com has a ton of free to use patterns for peyote and multistitch, though it took me forever to learn how to read a pattern effectively. there are more stitches ofc but those are the ones you see most. good luck and have fun!

i personally got into it in highschool, around the beginning of my sophmore year? my early cuffs were not great quality, but it’s cool to see how i’ve grown since then!

kandi is a community that is extremely friendly and encouraging to beginners and theres guides and tutorials for just about everything, and plenty of people willing to answer questions.

[daddyy333]

In love | Chris Evans x y/n

if you’d like you can reblog my original work, but please don’t post it without credit. if you take inspiration from my ideas please tag me, I’d like to see how someone else would write it

word count: 0.6k

warnings: Chris is literally the biggest simp ever it’s gross

summary: Chris always loves to gush about his wife any chance he gets

“So, Mr. Evans I heard you got married recently,” the interviewer said and Chris blushed just thinking about you. He chuckled and said “I did, I did. Best decision of my life, I wish I could do it all over again”

He looked over subtly, watching as you posed for pictures on the red carpet. He was so damn lucky. “You kept a secret for quite some time I heard, you announced your relationship by posting a picture from your wedding day, correct?” The interviewer asked and Chris couldn’t help the smile and blush on his face.

“Yup. My favorite picture I’ll ever have, our first kiss as a married couple. We’ve been together 5 years and got married on your 5 years anniversary” he said and the interviewer nodded. She laughed a little and said “that’s beautiful, when did you propose?”

“New years. Told her I wanted to spend every new years with her and then got down on one knee. 2nd scariest day of my life, I was so scared she’d run away the day we got married. You know me, I’m an old man now and she could do so much better” he said and chuckled.

The interviewer scoffed and said “I’m sure there’s many people out there who’d disagree with that. You two seem perfect for each other, what’s your married life been like?”

“Nothing shy of perfection. I get to wake up next to the most perfect woman in the world and I get to love her every single day. The best part is that she loves me too. I wouldn’t trade her for the world” Chris said, looking over at you. You looked so damn beautiful, the sun shining on you and your beautiful eyes popping from the color of your dress.

“I’m the luckiest man alive to tell you the truth,” Chris said and licked his lips, his heart fluttering just remembering how amazing his life has been with you in it. The interviewer chuckled and said “must’ve been hard keeping this a secret for so long. You’re blushing so hard you match the carpet,”

He looked down nervously, laughing. He sighed and said “Any man would be if he got the chance to love her and be loved by her. I’ve wanted to scream it from the rooftops since the moment I laid eyes on her” he said and you suddenly walked over, hugging him from behind.

His eyes widened and he turned around, smiling wider. “Hey, lover. You look stunning tonight, babe, you have no idea,” he said, kissing you softly. You giggled and nugged him. “Finish your interview, Chris” you said and he shook his head.

“You two are just made for each other it seems. He’s been practically buzzing with joy since I mentioned you,” the interviewer told you and you rolled your eyes, blushing slightly. You sighed and said “gosh, he’s so annoying, isn’t he? I don’t know how I tolerate him sometimes,”

You giggled, looking up at him. He shook his head and said “yea, yea, yea. I wouldn’t trade you for the damn universe and yet you’d probably trade me in a New York minute” “oh that is so not true!” You said and slapped his chest playfully, all three of you laughing.

You smiled and kissed his cheek, then realizing that you were being called for your own interviews. “I’ll meet up with you when I’m done, try not to miss me too much” you said and caressing his hand for a moment before you left.

“Alright, well let’s talk about the new movie you two are in together…”

Taglist: @kandis-mom

As of now l'm writing for

Eddie Munson

Lo’ak

Neteyam

Sebastian Stan

Bucky Barnes

CW!Bucky Barnes

Chris Evans

Steve Rogers

Ari Levinson

Geralt of Rivia

Henry Cavill

So just comment the taglist you want to be added to and l'll add you :)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for not wanting to share.

I know that sounds bad and bratty but let me explain.

I (18NB) like to make Kandi bracelets. It’s something I’ve been trying to get good at. I did not ask for a lot this holiday season but one of the only things I asked for was a bracelet bead + charm set. I got it and was very grateful. The only downside is that there are VERY minimal beads and charms. There’s a lot of variety but due to that there are only about ten of each color in the normal beads and 3-4 of each charm. I wasn’t upset because I wanted more. I just didn’t want to use it all up so quickly and then have to buy another set. I made a plan to only make bracelets every once in a while (I could practice making them but put all the materials back afterwards). I am a very particular person and having this method/order keeps me from feeling stressed and guilty when making bracelets.

I am currently staying with my parents over break and my father (50M) has taken an interest in Kandi as well. Honestly, this was unbeknownst to me but I am not very perceptive at times (diagnosed Audhd). Sidenote: I have mentioned my method of preserving the materials to my parents. Anyways, my dad asked me to make him a bracelet and I happily obliged. It used a variety of colors so I wasn’t worried that I’d use up too much on that one. But recently he has been going in my room and making his own without asking me first. I was slightly put off but I didn’t in any way prevent him from doing it because my mom (49F) said it calmed him.

I suggested that he get a set for himself and my mom said he had been looking at some online. I said great and once he gets his we can both just use our own. My mom claimed I lacked kindness in my heart. I reiterated that I didn’t care that he was using my set now and that I just think it would be easier for us to each have our own. “What if he wants to share HIS set with you?” She asked. I told her I wouldn’t use his because I know how minimal the supply of things are. She continued with her sentiment that I was being unkind and spoiled.

I just need to know if I’m missing something here.

What are these acronyms?

[pjisskullourful]

K̲̅e̲̅e̲̅p̲̅i̲̅n̲̅g̲̅ S̲̅e̲̅c̲̅r̲̅e̲̅t̲̅s̲̅

🎀 Damiano × reader

NSFW 🔥 smutathon, adults doing adult stuff

° Damiano David/female reader insert

° you gotta know I need it, tired of losing by Keeping Secrets ||| things change between you & your longtime friend damiano when he makes a cheeky comment at a party, you cant help reading into it [based dec 2020, lets not talk about the pandemic]

wordcount::. 19,684

° commissioned by lore (@lifeofa-fangirl) 💋 i have thanked you profusely& i will continue to thank you. thanks for sticking with me through this extended process& for believing in me when i didnt believe for myself [commissions are temporarily closed]

° lyrics stolen from madison rose & kandy

° [ITA:] bella: pretty

Shooting stars crash, crack and collide In the shadows we come alive Rub your skin on my skin to ignite Burn it down baby, let’s play with fire

“This guy!” Rachel exclaimed, instantly louder than what you had been saying to Damiano. “This is exactly the guy that I’ve been waiting to see.”

You had heard similar things said to him during the couple of hours since arriving at Taren’s Christmas party. You wondered if it was tiring for him, having so many people paying him attention and expecting it back. In the two years that you had known him, he had been gradually becoming more in demand, gaining more-and-more momentum with his band. The level of fame he had achieved had changed how people in your group of friends saw him. Not everyone, but enough that you had noticed.

The only thing that it had changed for you was how much time you got to spend with him - success meant a very full schedule. But he was still the same guy to you. He was the guy that you had almost shared a kiss with on four different occasions. He was the friend that loved superhero movies just as much as you, the two of you going to the cinema whenever something new came out. He was the one guaranteed to laugh at your jokes, when others seemed to not hear you.

Your little crush on him was your secret and to remain as such, because you couldn’t compromise the solid friendship that you had. Hours spent together laughing, unprompted text messages of support, all of those things were just as good as being his girlfriend - or so you told yourself.

You knew how to handle your friendship with him (you’d had a lot of time to practise that). A relationship was a swift way to surrender any control. And you needed control, you clung to it, because you saw how badly things went when you didn’t have it.

Before turning to the enthusiastic Rachel, he made a subtle gesture to you. Your shared code for put a pin in it. He wanted to hear the end of your rant about your job.

Rachel hugged each of you in turn, but it was only a one-arm embrace. Her other arm was occupied by a sizable plastic container, the contents concealed by wrapping paper. You exchanged the polite pleasantries.

“You were waiting to see me?” He asked.

“Rum balls.” She said concisely.

“What did she just call you?” You joked, seeing the confusion on his face. That was a feeling you were currently sharing.

She removed the lid from the container and held it out so you could each look inside. There was a collection of the brown and white bite-sized treats. You recognised them as something of a Christmas tradition, but you sensed there was more context eluding you.

But Damiano appeared to have figured out what was going on. “Right, rum balls.”

“Last year when I made them, he complained.” She started to explain to you. “He said I hadn’t used enough rum, so they weren’t rum balls, they were just ‘sweet balls’.”

You theatrically rolled your eyes. “You would say sweet balls, wouldn’t you? You’re always bringing balls up. And in public, too? Where’s your sense of decency?”

He played along, furrowing his brow. “Decen-... who?”

“Yeah, maybe there’s still time to add that to your wishlist for Santa.” You said.

“I called them sweet. I didn’t say they were gross, or anything.” He told her. “I was just expecting more of that rum flavour.”

She held the container closer to the two of you. “That’s why I did them differently this year. There’s definitely enough rum in these.”

Neither you nor he immediately moved to pick up one of the treats. It was a well-shared fact that Rachel wasn’t a good cook. Not due to lack of trying or ambition. But the little hobby she pursued more often than not produced results that didn’t taste as she hoped. She couldn’t get the heat of the oven perfect, or she had to substitute an ingredient with something not mentioned in the recipe. She always found a way to make chicken dry - no matter how she prepared it, or what she paired it with. At group dinners, her dish was usually the only one with leftovers.

But she always tried again. She took the good-natured teasing for what it was, proceeding forward with the goal of one day proving everyone wrong. Victoria played her ‘fussy eater’ card to avoid trying Rachel’s creations. But she could typically get some friends to eat the food out of pity.

“So, you found a new recipe to follow this year?” You asked, your hands kept at your sides as Damiano tentatively plucked one out.

“No, the same recipe. I just did my little alterations, working off of his constructive feedback.” She said, seemingly filled with optimism and pride.

Even though you were feeling uncertain, you knew that you didn’t want to hurt your friend’s feelings. You picked up a coconut-covered sphere as he was slowly raising his to his mouth.

“Mmn.” He was enthusing as soon as the dessert touched his tongue. He smiled as he began to chew. “It’s good.”

She perked up onto her tiptoes. “Better than last year?”

“Yeah, I think-...” His swallow was slow, almost as if it required extra effort. You hesitated from eating yours, watching as his eyes grew wide. “Oh, yep, there’s- there’s the rum. That’s more rum than last year, for sure.”

You were quickly understanding his choice of words, tasting rum, and then even more rum with every bite. You felt the texture of the shredded coconut, but you couldn’t taste its sweet flavour. Likewise the taste of the cocoa had been drowned out. The tang of the alcohol filled your mouth, overpowering to a degree you hadn’t been expecting.

It was like swallowing the contents of a shot glass - and you had never been a fan of shots. The dry flavour seemed to coat your throat. But you forced a smile onto your face, stifling your dislike of this taste as she looked for your reaction. She genuinely wanted to feel like she had done a good job and you couldn’t stand the thought of taking that from her.

“Ooh, yeah. That’s very rum-y. I think he’ll have to try harder to find something to complain about with these.” You said before suddenly spurting through some small coughs. You kept smiling as you reached for your glass of water. “Sorry, the coconut just tickled my throat a little.”

“Ray.” Taren said, getting her attention. “Come on, Keith is waiting to hear how terribly that mechanic ripped you off.”

“Right, let me-”

Before she could begin to turn away, Damiano surprised her (and you) as he grabbed for the container of rum balls. “Leave these here with us, will you? I don’t think I’m finished with just one and I’m lazy so I want them closeby.”

“Yeah, I was definitely planning on having more.” You lied.

She relented, transferring the food to his hands. She appeared pleased as she walked away with Taren, heading to a different area of the expansive house. You greedily gulped down more water, wanting to rinse the taste from your mouth. He quit smiling as Rachel left from your current view.

“What’s your plan, dude?” You asked. “Because I have no intentions of helping you eat those. I already feel like I’m over the legal limit, and that’s from one.”

He wasn’t eating more as he turned to you. “I had to do something to keep her from inflicting these on anybody else. And what if she offered them to someone more blunt than us? That could ruin the whole party for her- that’s not really in the spirit of the happiest season.”

This was one of the qualities that made Damiano a great friend: he wanted everyone to get a win. He was always there when somebody needed a cheerleader, boosting them and encouraging them forward so passionately.

“You’re very sweet.” You said.

“As sweet as balls?” He asked with one of his trademark mischievous grins.

You acted as if you hadn’t heard his joke, or noticed how handsome his smile was. “But you’re not gonna get me to eat those.”

“I think I could.” He said. “Come with me for a second.”

You didn’t resist, even though you had no idea what he was leading you to. It could result in trouble, his plans had ended that way more than once.

He carried the dessert with him, heading inside from the patio. You followed along, taken into the spacious basement. This was set up as something of a game room: featuring an air hockey table, a dart board and a large TV with various gaming consoles hooked up to it. There were some people relaxing in this area, but he didn’t stop to chat with any of them, he was set on his mission.

He walked directly over to the air hockey table, which wasn’t currently in use. He spun around, allowing you to see the smile still fixed on his face. He wasn’t distracted in the slightest, his eyes completely focused on you, which brought up the beginnings of feelings you didn’t want to address.

“Beat me and you don’t have to eat any others.” He said. “But if I win-... well, maybe you don’t wanna think about that.”

“And what if I just don’t agree to play?” You asked.

His smile didn’t slip, he didn’t see this as a true threat to his plan. “Oh, you mean if you forfeit? Well, I suppose I would just leave the rum balls here and hope someone else feels like being a good friend to Rachel…”

He was banking on your competitive side being activated. He had seen on countless occasions how much you loved to win at any kind of game or contest. He knew how difficult you found it to walk away if there was a slight chance that you could win, and he was exploiting this.

And you were letting it happen, wearing a smile to match his. Because who else were you going to hang out with? There were no other friends that you would prefer to spend time with. You knew that the best fun of the night would come from him and you weren’t done soaking up his company.

“Alright. The winner gets the most points out of seven games?” You said, going over to one end of the table.

He set the rum balls down closeby, then took up his position at the other end. “Uh-huh.”

You turned the table on, activating the miniscule air vents that covered the surface. The puck was placed inside of the painted circle, the middle point of the rectangular table’s length. You each collected your circular paddles, which weren’t much bigger than the palm of your hand.

“Ladies first.” He offered and you acted quickly, hoping to catch him off-guard. But this didn’t work out, with him ready to send the puck flying your way before it could get too close to the goal.

You kept going, striking the puck from different angles. You hit it so hard that it flew across the table at an impressive speed. It moved too fast for him, slipping past his paddle and into the little recess that served as your goal.

“Ladies first indeed.” You boasted, wearing a bigger smile now.

You almost forgot about everyone else in the room as you focused so intently on the game. You couldn’t look away for a second. Your mind rushed to come up with tactics, needing to come up with the key to winning.

And you succeeded - earning six goals to his singular point. You did a little happy dance while he accepted his defeat, that spectacular smile leaving his face. He ate another rum ball and with Rachel out of the room, he didn’t fake any part of his reaction. Instantly he grimaced, seeming to labour through each bite. He shut his eyes as he swallowed, all of the joy gone from his expression.

“Bloody Hell, I’m not sure that she left any rum for the rest of the world. It’s all in those little disasters.” He said.

“Why did you say they needed more rum?” You asked.

“Because that was the only thing I could think of to tell her. And I thought she would add an extra teaspoon or something, not an extra ten litres.” He said.

“Well those ten litres are all for you, my friend. Because I’m just getting started on my winning streak.” You said.

He stepped up to the table’s edge, wrapping his fingers around the paddle’s handle again. “We’ll see about that.”

You won the next set of games as well, feeling your cockiness swelling up, even though he had improved, gaining three points this time. His suffering added to your victory and you let yourself get carried away with it, laughing with the malice of a Disney villain. He scrunched his face up even more, adding extra drama to his reaction to this serving of the dessert.

The trash talking started with the next round, each of you enjoying getting invested in this contest. You gleefully teased one another, your words selected to get laughs, not to incite any actual hurt. This became a playful contest, each of you trying to find the most outrageous thing to say. You mangled one another’s names, adding extra syllables so the word loser could be incorporated. There were times when you were too distracted by laughing that he could sneak the puck past you, scoring more than a few points this way.

The teasing only got louder after Ethan had followed through on his offer of getting each of you drinks. This was your third glass of alcoholic eggnog tonight and you were enjoying the buzz you had developed. You didn’t often drink, but when you did you liked the fun-loving side it brought out of you. You got looser, forgetting about those responsibilities that plagued your days.

It didn’t take long for the eggnog to disappear. You used its far superior taste to rinse your mouth after losing and being forced to consume more of the rum balls.

Their intense flavour wasn’t getting any more appealing. So you concentrated harder after every loss. You began trying to fake him out, moving like you were going to hit the puck from the right, only to actually strike from the left. But this only worked a couple of times, the rest he could easily block.

“That’s, like, the third time you’ve done that.” He noted when you came in too strong with your paddle, sending the puck into a momentum that launched it over the raised frame of the table. “You’re getting too aggressive.”

“Boo-hoo. I lose that point every time it happens, so it’s not like I’m doing it on purpose. It just happens.” You said, leaving collecting the puck from the floor up to him.

“I don’t know if losing the point is doing enough to discourage you, maybe we need a harsher penalty.” He said as he returned the puck to its starting point.

You narrowed your eyes as you looked at him. “Like what?”

“You hit it off the table and you lose the point, but you’ve also gotta eat a rum ball.” He said.

“What? That’s a bit of overkill, don’t you think?” You responded.

He smiled as he pushed the cuffs of his long-sleeved shirt further up his forearms. “Don’t knock it off the table and it won’t be your problem.” You rolled your eyes as he grabbed the top of his paddle, returning to his less-relaxed stance. “Alright, we’re at a draw of three points each and it’s my serve.”

You gripped your paddle tightly, not thinking of any funny things to say as you clenched your jaw. He hit the puck in your direction and you tapped it back, not following through with all of your power. He moved to the right, ready to knock it away from his goal. It zipped across the table, quicker than before. You were getting into position, anticipating where it would travel to after ricocheting off the side.

But its speed continued, launching the disc over the frame and onto the ground. Instantly you started to laugh, especially tickled by the way his face fell. He was silent as he grabbed the puck from the ground, then he went to the container of Rachel’s dessert.

“Don’t knock it over the side and it won’t be your problem.” You quoted him, deepening your voice in your effort to imitate him.

He frowned as he ate another rum ball, apparently he was struggling just as much as you were to find anything to like about them. He dusted the excess shredded coconut off of his hands before walking back over to the table.

“Hang on. Aren’t you forgetting something here, dude?” You brought up, successfully getting him to pause. “That’s a point to me, four to three- you lose this round. You have to eat another one.”

He complied without any enthusiasm, but you were grinning the whole time. He popped a rum ball into his mouth, chewing it unhappily. He visibly shuddered as he swallowed it, poking his tongue out to further express his distaste.

He had a couple of mouthfuls of water as he returned to his position opposite you. “Alright, get ready to pay for that.”

“Ooo, I’m so scared.” You mocked. “My serve.”

You proceeded through more rounds, wins shared mostly evenly between the two of you. From time-to-time different people came over to watch, Victoria was very excited over the prospect of him losing. Rachel didn’t appear in the room, allowing you to keep torturing one another with her food.

“I think we should call time.” You said before a new round could begin - even though you weren’t sure how long you had spent playing. Time could behave strangely when you were around Damiano. Hours could pass under the guise of minutes, leaving you feeling like you needed more.

“Aw, do you need a break from getting beaten?” He mocked. This façade was immediately dropped. “Actually, I was so close to suggesting that myself. I don’t think I can physically eat one more.”

You looked into the container, your hands held behind your back as you surveyed what remained inside. “We ate at least half- maybe more. She’s got to be pleased with that. I would say we were way more generous than just having a pity nibble.”

“Yeah, but at what cost to ourselves?” He asked, overly solemn.

You agreed that some fresh air was necessary. You could feel how ruddy your cheeks were as you stepped back onto the patio. You considered whether your current state could be categorised as tipsy. You sat down on one of the padded benches, but he didn’t join you.

“I’m gonna get us some water.” He said and you were quickly nodding along to show your support. “And some kind of something to eat to soak up the rum- a bit of it.”

As he was leaving through the door, he passed by Thomas, the guitarist walking in the opposite direction. He came over to where you were sitting on your own, greeting you with a smile.

“Hey, I feel like I’ve barely seen you tonight. Where have you been hiding?” He asked.

“Oh, I was with Damiano.” You said and the way his eyebrows jumped up couldn’t go unnoticed. “We were playing air hockey.”

“Is that what we’re calling it these-days?” He asked, lightly nudging your side with his elbow.

“What? We really were.” You defended, your voice getting a little louder as discomfort trickled in.

“Are you sure? Are you sure that you didn’t meet under the mistletoe, and that’s why you were missing for hours, and why your face is all flushed?”

You didn’t know how to handle your friend’s scepticism at first. “Is there mistletoe? I haven’t seen it.”

“Nice deflection.” He said, still wearing that sly smile.

“I promise you that we were just playing air hockey.” You told him sincerely. “Ask Ethan, he saw us.” Unfortunately for you, the drummer was nowhere in sight. “Or if you wait for, like, a minute, you can ask Damiano himself when he gets back.”

“It’s okay, I’m not genuinely going to call you a liar.” Thomas said, trying a different approach. “I just wouldn’t be surprised if you guys did sneak off to be alone.”

“Really, why?” You asked.

“Sometimes there’s a vibe between the two of you.” He said.

You furrowed your brow - was your secret crush on Damiano a lot less secret than you were aware of? “A vibe between us? What kind of vibe?”

Thomas shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, a vibe.” Him adding extra emphasis didn’t help you gain any clarity.

“A vibe? Oh good, I was worried you would be vague about it.” You sarcastically quipped.

You didn’t get the chance to get any more information out of him. Instead you were swiftly trying to act inconspicuous as Damiano made his return.

“You’re going to be really happy with me, dude.” He told you, both of his hands were very full. “I found a little stash of dinner rolls for us.”

“Is that to help you get your energy back after all of that air hockey?” Thomas asked, apparently not done with stirring the pot.

“Oh, she was bragging about all of her victories while I was gone, was she?” Damiano asked.

“No.” Thomas said, turning to look at you. “Did you beat him?”

You smirked after being handed a cup of water and a few small bread rolls. “Of course I did.”

“We were pretty even. It’s not like you were wiping the floor with me.” Damiano defended.

“You take my seat, man. I’m gonna go see if I can find that mistletoe.” Thomas said, standing up.

“Mistletoe?” Damiano repeated. “Who do you need that for?”

Thomas patted him on the shoulder. “Maybe I’ll hang it above my ass, just for you.”

Damiano grinned. “Hell yeah, I was hoping I would get lucky at this party.”

Instead of responding with another joke, Thomas just shot a look in your direction. You thought the smile on his face was saying more. 

But he didn’t cause any trouble for you, waving as he departed. Damiano sat down next to you, apparently oblivious as he bit into a bread roll.

“Thanks for getting the food.” You said after having a gulp of water.

“You’re welcome.” He replied casually. “You know you only got so many wins because you kept topping the puck, right?”

You knew what he was referring to, using the flat bottom of a paddle on top of the puck to halt it, gaining control of its momentum. But you didn’t know why he was bringing it up.

“I was not.” You said.

“Dude, you were.” He said.

“If I was doing that- if- why didn’t you call it out when I was supposedly doing it?” You asked. “I never topped, and you can ask all my exes, they will confirm that fact.”

The words had slipped out of your mouth. Your cheeks immediately filled with a hot blush as you mentally scolded yourself for your lack of impulse control. You blamed the alcohol in your system as you covered your mouth with your fingers. You wished you hadn’t said it, and you didn’t know how to play it off.

His eyes lit up. “Oh, is that how it is?”

You began shaking your head. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“What? Why? It’s not like I’m judging you for your position preferences.” He said.

This didn’t help you to stop blushing. Was he thinking about it, or picturing it in any way? You didn’t know what you wanted the answer to be and you were finding it difficult to meet his eye.

“Thanks. It would be pretty awkward if you unfriended me just because I'm a bottom.” You said, finding a way to joke through this.

He laughed. “As if.” You dared to look up at him again. “The reason I'm gonna unfriend you is for you topping the puck.”

“I was not!” You burst out, your indignation making him laugh more. “If you saw it, you should have said something.”

“I'll have to remember it for next time we play.” He said, his laughter stopping. “Oh, I’m an asshole. I totally forgot that you were in the middle of telling me about that friction at work, with what’s-her-name.” He said. “That’s my bad, dude. Did you wanna tell me more about that, her being overbearing as Hell?”

Sumia seemed like a safe topic to move onto - you could get back to how you had been communicating earlier, when you had been at ease, your feelings seemed less unavoidable then.

And your co-worker gave you a lot to vent about.

“I don’t know how much more patience I have for her and her telling me how to manage my team.” You said.

“Why does she think she’s your supervisor?” He asked.

“Beats me. Supervisors make more money, so maybe that’s what she’s angling for.” You said. “It’s like she’s trying to prove that she can do that job, by supposedly helping improve how the lab runs. But there’s no indication that the boss has that kind of promotion to give.”

He had finished eating, crossing one leg over the other towards you. He rested his elbow on the top knee and then held his chin in his hand as he listened to you. “Maybe she’s into manifestation.”

“Maybe she’s a jerk.” You said, grateful when he let this pass without pointing out the immaturity of trying to make this part of your argument. “She’s a shadow, a really terrible shadow. It’s like she’s always waiting for me to slip up. Instead of doing her actual job, she watches for me to do something that she doesn’t agree with slightly, so she can run off and tell everyone I’ve been naughty or something.”

“Well I hope she’s not in touch with Santa.” He said, surprising you out of your train of thought. You cocked your head to the side as you looked at him, too perplexed to speak. “‘Cause naughty girls get punished by Santa, you know.”

The image surged into your mind - too fast and too powerful for you to fend off. Your friend wearing only a Santa hat, calling you naughty. The word punish posed so many possibilities and your mind wanted to explore them, your heart already racing just as your thoughts were.

Your eyes had grown wide and you could feel the revealing blush in your cheeks again. It felt like your mouth was stuck shut as you willed this increasingly-detailed fantasy from your brain.

You didn’t have to be speaking to give him a response he wanted to observe. His eyes remained on your face, watching the changes in your expression - which were beyond your control. A smile was beginning on his mouth as you were scrambling to keep yourself together.

“This isn’t the reaction I was expecting. You’re looking a little shocked.” He said.

“Am I?” You asked and an attempt at clearing your throat brought on some coughing.

“Yeah, why are you acting like this is brand new information?” He asked.

You looked down at your lap, finding the napkin your bread rolls had been resting on was clear, you couldn’t use your food as a distraction. “I’m not trying to act that way.”

“Okay.” He said and when you looked up again, it was to find that he was still wearing his amused smile.

You feared what he might say if you asked what he was smiling about. You wanted to know, but you feared the change it could bring.

You were trying to recall a normal way to act. Maybe you could have found the right thing to say - 

- if not for Rachel serving as an interruption, again.

“You guys, oh my God, you ate so many.” She said as she rushed over to where the two of you were sitting. She carried the container and wore a broad smile. “Someone said you were eating them the whole time you were playing air hockey.”

Now that the focus had shifted, you found that your ability to speak normally had mostly returned. You had to protect Rachel’s feelings, and you had to make sure that eating all of those rum balls hadn’t been for nothing. “Did they say anything else?”

“Like what?” She asked, proving how oblivious she was, which ushered in some of the relief that you needed.

Before she could read too much into your question, he was distracting her with compliments - tapping into that charm he had a seemingly endless supply of. “Of course we ate so many, they’re great. I don’t know about her, but it was hard to stop once I started eating them. Maybe all that extra rum made them addictive.”

You nodded along to what he was saying and it was clear that she was buying it as she went on smiling brightly, standing with her shoulders pushed back. The dishonesty was giving her a boost in confidence - could it be such a bad thing?

“I feel a little bad that we had so many before anyone else could really have a chance to try them.” As he spoke, the movement of Thomas coming back onto the patio caught your eye.

“No, I think there’s still enough left.” She said.

“Hey Ray.” He greeted, standing beside her.

She swung her body to face him, presenting him with the selection of dessert she still had. “Hi, have a rum ball?”

“Oh, nice.” He said, his optimism surprising you. Did he think she had purchased them, instead of making them? “I was hoping someone would bring these.”

Damiano grabbed your wrist, each of you watching carefully as Thomas picked out one of the rum balls. There was no way to guess how he would react - he had always been a wild card like that.

He began to eat and it appeared there were no issues. He didn’t wince or frown at all.

“Mmm.” He hummed as he swallowed it down. “That’s good, it isn’t too sweet.”

“That’s exactly what I was going for.” She said, briefly showing Damiano a favourable smile.

Thomas wasn’t dropping the act. Was his poker face stronger than you had realised? He took another of the small spheres, happily eating this as well, not needing to be pressured into doing it.

At the same time, you and Damiano looked at each other. You could already tell that he was thinking the same as you - your unpleasant efforts hadn’t needed to be undertaken at all. While you had been groaning through every mouthful, Thomas would have enjoyed eating Rachel’s dessert, fulfilling her desire to have her cooking validated.

You started laughing first, feeling foolish but not embarrassed. As Damiano continued to look at you, he joined you in fits of laughter. That sense of obligation towards Rachel was evaporating and you kept laughing as even more relief took its place. His hand went from your wrist, now holding your hand. You were united in finding this unexpected outcome ridiculous.

“What are you two laughing about? What could possibly be this funny?” Rachel asked.

“Oh, you know what they’re like, always up to something, that’s their vibe.” Thomas said.

As you tried to get your laughter under control, you shot a glare in Thomas’ direction. But it seemed that Damiano had missed the statement and its potential subtext, he was too busy giggling to notice.

The other two left after a moment and his continued snickering made you want to start up again.

“Dude.” He said through a gasp for air.

“We literally didn’t need to do that, any of it.” You said, smiling as you shook your head. “I’m gonna have rum in my system for weeks. And the whole time, Tom would have eaten them and spared Rachel from heartbreak.”

He was still laughing. “Her Christmas spirit didn’t need us to save it.”

“We are so dumb.”

You properly noticed that he was still holding your hand and you looked at how your fingers fit perfectly with his. He had held your hand before (squeezing through crowded clubs and not wanting to lose track of each other, amongst other instances). You told yourself that this shouldn’t feel any more significant than the other times it had happened. You rejected your own inclination that this was a ‘couple-y’ thing to do.

But you missed his hand in yours as soon as he took it away. He used his fingers to wipe beneath his eyes as he steadily brought his laughter to an end. “That’s my bad, I should have remembered that he eats absolutely anything.”

“Yeah, I thought you guys were supposed to be brothers.” You said.

He looked you in the eye, he had quit laughing, but he was still smiling. “That’s definitely naughty girl behaviour.”

You stared back at him, denying the insistent imagery your mind was all too ready to produce. “What, what are you talking about?” Once again you were trapped under that gaze that seemed to see too much.

“Lying, only naughty girls lie.” He said.

You knew that the way you were holding yourself together would disintegrate further if he said more words. “Can we drop this?”

He playfully pushed you a little further. “Why, do you not like being called that?”

You kept your lips firmly pressed together. You didn’t know what to say, you couldn’t risk slipping up. It was the opposite of not liking him calling you a naughty girl, but you didn’t know how to make sense of that for yourself. There was no way you could explain it to him.

The teasing smile fixed to his face made you squirm. It differed to the typical way you would make fun of each other. A thought occurred to you - if you kissed him you wouldn’t have to see that smile anymore, you could get a break from its disarming effects.

This situation had shifted and you could feel the control you used to protect yourself under threat. And you weren’t ready to be without it, regardless of how appealing and handsome he was.

You had to fight yourself, and your urges, back, the effort feeling almost physical. But you did it, producing distance between the two of you by getting to your feet.

“I’m gonna go and see if I can find some pudding. I would like to get to the part of this night where I’m eating a dessert I don’t have to pretend to enjoy.” You said. “I’ll see you later, dude.”

“See ya, wouldn’t wanna be ya.” He said, showing no signs of hurt feelings.

You didn’t hesitate to walk back inside, you needed space and time. You knew that you and your friend could get back to normal before too long. But for the moment you needed solitude, time for the ripples he had created to die out.

*** *** ***

 Hey dude. Are you home? I kinda have a favour to ask…

This wasn’t the first time you were hearing from Damiano in the week since the Christmas party. The way you had been communicating could be characterised as normal, the word naughty hadn’t been used once.

But that didn’t mean you had stopped thinking about it. When your brain wasn’t actively engaged with something (work, Pilates), it wandered and a fantasy was unfolding. In your mind’s eye you saw a Santa hat as the concept of punishment produced many ideas. Would it be spanking? Would it be restraints on your body? Would it be more telling you how bad you were?

Your ventures into rough play had been short. Previous partners had treated it as a brief aspect of foreplay, doing as much as it took to turn them on before progressing to the ‘main event’. How much you wanted was usually ignored, but your people-pleasing tendencies kept you from voicing any complaints.

As you imagined going further than you had before, you willed a different face to appear under the Santa hat. You didn’t want it to be your friend. You tried to replace him with Harry Styles, or other celebrities you found sexy. Or a guy that you had gotten a crush on in the four months that you had worked together - what was his name?

But Damiano’s visage always returned to claim ownership of this role. There was a vast catalogue of memories that could be called upon to create a very clear image. You had gone swimming together countless times, you were familiar with what he looked like in nothing but a Speedo. Maybe other people at these group activities didn’t pay as much attention to his body as you did. But you always found something to like.

The fantasy always stirred something deep in your gut. You didn’t hate it, but you didn’t want it in your brain. It could compromise what you had and enjoyed.

You hoped for it to be a phase. It was like getting a song stuck in your head, it couldn’t stay on a loop forever. Sooner or later, your mind would move onto the next.

For now you were doing everything in your power to act normally with him. Surely the actions would impact your mental state, taking you back to a place of feeling normal (and in control).

Tell me what the favour is first. Maybe I’m not sure if I’m home yet.

You considered the words before hitting the send icon. Typically you gave messages a pre-send proofread to make sure there were no embarrassing spelling errors.

This was different: you were checking for anything that could be misconstrued or turned into innuendo. You had to conceal the swirl in your mind, picking up the implications that came with him reaching out to you so late at night. Why was he thinking about you past 11PM? Was it too much of a stretch to think he might be having difficulty falling asleep in a way that was linked to you? All of these theories had to be kept to yourself.

Haha. I’ll see you in about 20. He responded.

You stared at the screen of your mobile phone, feeling like you were on the way to becoming out of your depth. Hold up! You still haven’t told me what the favour is yet.

There was a brief pause (time for you to squirm on your sofa and tap your fingernails on the phone’s case) before you received his next message. I ran out of wrapping paper. None of the stores are open this late. & I’m driving to see my family tomorrow afternoon.

Running out of wrapping paper on Christmas Eve sounded like a stressful situation to be stranded in. It wasn’t a problem for you to worry about - you had packaged up your final purchase earlier in the week. You were the perfect person to rescue him and he was especially grateful when you confirmed that you could help him out.

From the highest platform of his cat tree, Iggy watched you sit up on the couch. You halted the renovation show that you had been watching, now motivated to get to your feet.

With the purpose of his visit so obviously platonic, it would have been odd to try to impress him, too much effort put into your appearance would be a waste. But you didn’t want to look like crap either. You went into the bathroom because brushing your teeth seemed like the best place to start. As you did this, you considered your reflection. The pyjamas you were wearing weren’t covered in any kind of embarrassing print and the robe you wore didn’t have gross stains on it.

You looked casual and comfortable. This wouldn’t be the first time he had seen you in your pyjamas. They were hardly glamorous or sexy, but they were you: the friend that he knew he could rely on.

After brushing your hair, you gathered the supplies he would need to get the gifts ready for his family. You placed all of this on the coffee table.

Instead of sitting on the sofa to await his arrival, you headed in the direction of your bedroom. You had just decided that putting a bra on was a good idea.

Suddenly Iggy was done with his lazing about. Your cat went sprinting past you, needing to get to the bedroom before you, for some unknown reason.

He had just disappeared out of your sight when you heard a knocking on the door. You would have to face Damiano without a bra, as your cat maintained his anti-social way of life.

You opened the door and couldn’t help laughing at what you found waiting for you. Damiano was dressed up - wearing an elf costume, complete with a hat and a green shirt that had a bright red collar. In one hand he carried a large fabric sack, it seemed a bit extra to transport his family’s gifts like this. But maybe he was this level of dedicated to the joke.

He smiled, seeming pleased with your reaction. “Are you going to let me in, or just stand there laughing at me?”

You moved to the side, still laughing as he came inside. “I’m sorry, but seriously, what are you wearing? Did you guys have some kind of themed Christmas show? Because I do not remember you mentioning that.” There was a bell at the tip of his green hat and it made a merry little sound with every step he took. “Or is this a service that you provide to the community every year? You put this costume on and you go door-to-door spreading the festive spirit?”

Once he had reached the lounge room, he stopped walking, turning to face you and you could see he was still smiling. “No, you’re the only one I’m seeing.”

“Okay. Well, can the elf wrap the presents himself? Or was he expecting me to help ‘cause I’m good with ribbons?” You asked.

“I lied about needing wrapping paper.” He said.

“Huh? Why would you do that?” You asked, more confused than upset by the deception.

“It was the only excuse I could come up with to come and see you. I needed to see you.” He said, his tone more serious than you had been expecting of a man dressed in a novelty T-shirt.

“What on Earth is going on?” You asked. You were trying to pick up clues from his expression, but you weren’t sure you had seen him like this before.

“Okay. So, part of this thing is that I wanted to give you a good laugh. I know how stressful your job has been lately and I know that you’ll be spending Christmas alone.” He said and it was flattering to know how well he listened to you, even when you were just talking about your parents going to England to spend the holiday with your little sister. “I figured you could use a little extra merriment, from an external source. And it seems like I accomplished that, awesome.”

“Yeah, you have.” You said. “What’s the other part to this?”

He paused to set the sack down on the floor and take a deep breath. “Don’t feel any pressure to respond in a certain way. I’m gonna be honest with you and I just want you to be honest back.”

“Okay.” You said - you were too confused to joke with him in any way. Your brain was so preoccupied that you had stopped noticing the silly hat and shirt.

“I want you.” He said.

The monumental statement wasn’t followed up by any laughter, keeping the sincerity present.

“I don’t mean to surprise you with this. But it kind of surprised me.” He said, happy to fill the silence as you remained too stunned to speak. “It started at the Christmas party-... well, maybe that’s not fully true. I guess I’ve thought about you, us, a couple of times. But it changed, it got more serious after the party.

“I was genuinely joking with that naughty girl stuff, ‘cause that’s what we do, lightening the mood and all that. But the way you reacted… I would have to be blind to not see that. You were having thoughts about it that went beyond a joke, maybe feelings, too.

“A lot of people think you’re shy, I’ve seen new people come into the group with that perception of you. And by extension of that, you seem innocent.” He said. “But I don’t think you’re what you appear to be. Your reaction makes me think that you like being called names and you like being put in your place, in a very un-innocent way.

“And thinking about you like that you got me all worked up. And I’ve barely been able to get it out of my head. So I thought we could bring our ideas of what Santa would do with a naughty girl together, and see what we like best.” He said and he picked up the sack, bringing it to sit in front of his feet. “I have my bag of tricks and I have a role that you could play, if you’re interested…”

He paused, looking down as he drew in a deep breath. “And if you’re not… I completely respect that. I will just go away, I might hit up Rachel’s place on the way home and see if she has any rum that she can share, so then I can drink this embarrassing moment out of my brain.”

“She’s not gonna have it. There isn’t a single drop left anywhere in Italy because she used it all.” You said, smiling. “They’re rushing to import more from the West Indies, but that would take a couple of weeks to get here.”

He met your gaze again, smiling as well. You supposed that he was waiting for you to say something. 

You powered through the trepidation, endeavouring to meet him in the middle. You had to act on your feelings, denying them hadn’t gotten you anything good.

You walked the short distance that separated the two of you. The way he was looking at you added to the certainty you felt, able to combat the nerves. You were filled with adrenaline and the concept of stopping didn’t feel possible.

You placed yourself directly in front of him. You stepped over the sack with one foot as you raised both of your hands to his face. You cradled his cheeks in your hands, wondering if you had ever before been able to truly appreciate all of the beautiful features of his face at the same time like this. He was familiar, but changed enough to provide new excitement.

You expressed these different feelings by kissing him. And putting your lips to his felt immediately good, not that level of awkwardness a first kiss could hold. You weren’t making adjustments, nothing needed to be changed.

After a moment (perhaps giving you a window of time to change your mind and back out of this whole thing) he wrapped his arms around your waist. Your heart was fluttering as you tasted more-and-more of his top lip, the pleasing scent of his cologne adding to this. One of your hands travelled up, moving into his soft hair, enjoying what wasn’t trapped under the obnoxious hat.

You parted very slightly, your nose still resting against his as you tried to somewhat catch your breath. “Naughty girls get punished by Santa.” You said, not needing to pause to recall these words that had been ever-present in your mind since first hearing him say it.

“That’s right.” He said.

“Then how come you’re dressed as an elf?” You asked, teasing.

He laughed lightly, which you joined in on. “This was what I had at home. I was hoping you wouldn’t mind.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” You said. “I don’t see it bothering me for long. Everything’s gonna come off of your body soon.”

He was grinning. “Are we-... do you really wanna do this?”

You caressed his cheek. “Yes, I’ve hardly been able to stop thinking about it too. But this isn’t the only time I’ve thought about you like this. Not to sound like a high schooler, but I’ve got a crush on you.”

“And you never told me?” He asked, the tips of his fingers playing at the spot under your chin. “Keeping secrets is more naughty girl behaviour.”

“It sounds like there’s a lot of things you could punish me over.” You said, the adrenaline keeping you from being too shy to say something like this. You could inhabit this character and speak your truth without overthinking every single word.

“Have you ever been punished before?” He asked, his tone less flirty.

“No, but I wanna be.” You said.

He gave you a brief kiss before taking a small step back. “We need to start with boundaries because I don’t wanna do anything that interrupts your fun. I’m not going to do this with you unless we do it the right way.” You nodded along, even though you didn’t fully understand what was expected of you yet. “Do you have any strict no’s?”

You couldn’t help feeling a little intimidated. Usually it took a few dates for you to get into this kind of kinky conversation, but you had only kissed this guy a couple of times.

“Uhm, I'm not a big fan of anal. If this is something you’re into, I’m sorry, but I don’t like calling people Daddy…”

“That’s totally fine.” He said. “Do you have a safe word?”

“No.”

“Well, have a think about it.” He said. “I don’t mean to make it sound intimidating. If there’s something you don’t want to do, you just have to tell me.”

You made an attempt at looking more confident, pushing your shoulders back slightly. “I’m not intimi-...” He compelled you back towards honesty without any words, a glance was all it took. “I’ll let you know.” In his silence, you noticed how the smile on his face was growing. “What, why are you looking at me like that? Did I say something funny?”

“No, there’s nothing funny. You’re just really adorable right now.” He said. “And I’m not used to seeing you like this. I like watching you squirm, it’s not how you usually act around me and it’s not just so fucking cute. It also gives me inspiration, it makes me want to do other things to see what else makes you squirm.”

“I’m squirming?” You asked, all of these movements had been happening involuntarily, they didn’t feel significant to you.

He had walked over closer to you again. “Yes and I’m getting a little obsessed with it.”

“I bet you could show me all new ways to squirm.” You said.

“Only if you're a good girl…”

You were smiling as he put his fingers under your chin, guiding you to tilt your head back so he could capture your mouth with a kiss. There was safety and excitement in the way he wrapped his arms around you. You didn’t resist this rush for one second, letting your lips part at the first touch of his tongue because you wanted to indulge deeper.

Before you could find that perfect rhythm with him, he was bringing the kiss to a gentle end. You waited to feel his lips again as his breath continued to caress your face.

When you opened your eyes, you found that he wasn’t moving in for another kiss. Instead he was carefully studying your face, seemingly unwilling to overlook a single feature. For the first time in your life, you felt like you understood what it meant to be admired.

“I'm more turned on than intimidated.” You wanted to clarify.

“And I intend to keep it like that.” He said as he smiled. “Do you wanna go into the bedroom?”

“Uh-huh, I really want to.”

He picked up the holiday-themed bag and you began down the short hallway.

The epiphany came to you as you were walking and you immediately spun around, needing to share the thought.

“Grinch.” You stated.

He stared at you, waiting for it to be his turn to talk. “I’m gonna need some sliver of context before I can get to be as happy about this word as you are.”

“What if we make Grinch the safe word?” You asked. “Or is that a bit too obvious and uninspired?”

“Of course we can use that. Good work, baby.” He said.

The way that he sounded so pleased added an extra spring in your step as you continued toward the bedroom. Earning his approval was having an effect on you.

And you definitely liked the sound of him calling you baby. It was so different from the way he would usually address you, joking as he called you dude. This rolled off his tongue giving you some intriguing feelings, which you didn’t feel compelled to run from. Your old reactions wouldn’t suffice in this brand new scenario.

Once you were standing in the illuminated bedroom you turned to face him, and he was instantly upon you. It seemed that none of the toys he had brought were breakable, with him paying no attention to how the sack landed after he had tossed it in the direction of your bed. You were more than willing to be distracted from this, getting swept up in more of his exciting kisses. He put his hands to either side of your face, holding you in exactly the place he wanted. You wrapped your arms around his middle, feeling the acceleration past the point of no return - you could not walk it back from here. 

You savoured how it felt to explore beyond the typical with him. His lips left yours, travelling downwards. As he continued gracing your skin with kisses, he tilted his head and the bell attached to his hat jingled. It was almost funny how out of place it was, failing to add anything to the established mood.

But you didn’t want to laugh and you didn’t want to hear anymore of it. You grabbed for the cap’s tail, the bell ringing again as you pulled the hat off of his head. His mouth was discovering your neck as you tossed the accessory away, hearing the jingle for the last time. Your hands moved into his hair, the soft strands gliding between your fingers. His slow kisses moved across more of your neck. You wondered if he would leave marks, they would be exciting to wear.

He paused before getting too much lower. “I can’t get to any of the fun bits, you’re so bundled-up.”

You scoffed. “It’s winter and it’s nighttime. What were you expecting, should I be lying around my apartment in lacy lingerie and high heels?”

“No.”

“Thank you.”

“You should be lying around in absolutely nothing.” He said.

“I guess that I’m gonna be the first present you unwrap this year.” You said.

He smiled and returned his lips to yours. But the distraction of getting you out of your clothes soon took priority. You saw the enthusiasm on his face as he undid the tie of your fuzzy bathrobe. He didn’t take his time, moving consistently quickly to remove your layered comfortable clothing.

Your skin formed goosebumps as you became more exposed. But this wasn’t in response to the low temperature that had seen you grab for so much covering. This was the anticipation, which was also keeping a blush in your cheeks.

You didn’t feel judged as his eyes took in all of the details of your naked body. You knew that your safety with him wasn’t at risk.

He began to experience your body beyond sight, and the touch of his hands brought to your attention just how sensitive you were. A caress to the small of your back brought warmth into your gut. The way he gave your hip an affectionate squeeze made you notice a tremble in your knees.

For the moment you had entirely forgotten about his sack, you definitely weren’t trying to guess at which sex toys were inside. You were feeling like a toy yourself, being played with. He was gently exploring you, getting a hint of your features that lay beneath the surface. 

His fingers continued to trail all over your bare skin and you saw the tantalising sparkle in his eyes before he gave you some more kisses. You wrapped your arms around his middle, low enough that you could slip your hands under the hem of his festively foolish shirt. Now it was your turn for fingers to trail as you appreciated his skin differently to ever before.

You followed your inclination to experience more of this, aware of your greed rising. One of your hands travelled up his back, while the other pulled the hem up because you were wondering how it would feel to have your bare skin pressed against his. It was a very inviting idea and you continued to gradually raise the bottom of his shirt.

His fingers caressed your cheeks as the kiss reached a gradual conclusion. “Are you feeling a bit eager? Don’t get too distracted now, you’re the one getting unwrapped here, babe.”

“What? I’m just trying to make it more even, is that so bad?” You asked.

“I wouldn’t classify impatience as a good girl quality.” He said with just the right amount of sternness in his voice.

You played along, pouting your bottom lip out a little. “You’re gonna make my punishment harder ‘cause I don’t like to wait?”

“Your punishment will be as harsh as you want it.”

“As harsh as you want.” You corrected.

“I have something that could be a counter to that impatience before you get too unruly.” He said.

“Alright, I trust you.”

It seemed that this was the right answer because it earned you some more kisses. As you soaked up the heat from his body, he slightly altered the way he was holding you. One of his hands reached lower to the back of your thigh and his arm tightened around your waist. Squeezing you close to him, he manipulated your body until both of your feet were leaving the ground.

This gave you a different type of rush. You had never been carried by a partner like this before. You clung to him as your eagerness continued to run rampant through your system, unwilling to forfeit its dominance. The muscles on his arms that you had noticed a fair amount of times weren’t just for show, he held you steady. He took careful steps, moving blindly as his focus went to continuing to kiss you.

He made it to the bed with barely a falter of his grip. The momentum changed and you were moved away from his body, his hands guiding you elsewhere. Your butt reached the mattress first as your eyes started to flutter open.

He was in the ideal spot directly in front of you for no more than a second. Then he was turning away, fetching the bag he had brought to delight you with. You regained your balance, trying to anticipate what he was about to show you, even though there were no visual clues. Judging by what he had said, you expected some form of restraints - but which style would he favour? Fuzzy handcuffs would go with the novelty of a Santa sack. Or did he prefer the precision and care of tying you up manually?

Amongst the other items in the sack, he found one, showing it to you as he walked over again. You were pleased to be proven correct by the sight of handcuffs, his thumb hooked through one of the shut loops. These weren’t novelty items, there were two thick cuffs that appeared to be made of leather. Despite the cute stars printed across them, you knew they would be strong enough to hold you.

“Would you like to veto these?” He asked. “And there isn’t a limit on your vetoes, you can use as many as you need.”

You were shaking your head before he had finished speaking. You weren’t very interested in ruling things out - you had already decided that you wanted to show off how much you could take. You were attached to the idea of impressing him.

Your eyes went to his other hand, which held the bag, its shape distorted by the items it still held. “It’s pretty obvious you didn’t just come over here with some cuffs. What’s left in that sack, what else did you bring?”

He smiled without a hint of bashfulness. “I think you’re probably better off asking what I didn’t bring.”

He wasn’t about to show you his entire hand yet. Instead of upending the bag, he reached in to collect something else currently out of your sight. A subtle crease came into his brow as he briefly concentrated. Before you could offer any assistance, he achieved his goal and showed you two of his fingers brightly decorated. They were unique finger puppets, but they weren’t entirely unfamiliar to you. You leaned forward, eyes greedily studying the little protruding bumps and ridges.

“Oh, I used to own stuff like that, I know how they work.” You said.

He didn’t let this deflate him or take away from his presentation at all. “You know all about them, huh?” You nodded, still feeling some self-confidence. “But have you had someone use them on you?” You stopped nodding. “‘Cause that can really change the experience. Do you want me to demonstrate that?”

You weren’t intimidated, feeling like you weren’t entirely out of your depth yet allowed you to stay possessed by intrigue. “Uh-huh.”

The cuffs and the remaining contents of the bag were ignored for the moment. He came in close again and you were relieved to not have to wait for the next kiss. You shut your eyes and drew your desires purely from his mouth.

You could have gotten distracted by this, still learning the little techniques that his kisses possessed. But before you could fully forget about the accessories placed on his fingers, you were feeling the rubber toy stroking down your chest. It dragged across your skin differently to his bare touch and you were hotly anticipating where you might feel the other toy.

The second stimulator got your attention when he flicked it against one of your hardened nipples. You couldn’t help flinching, bringing laughter from him, even as he continued to kiss you. The sound was muffled by your mouths, dying out as you pictured that cocky grin on his face.

He began to trail his fingers (both covered and not) down one side of your body. This whisper of a touch left you with goosebumps. He moved his hand up-and-down, applying pressure with the toys in a kind of massage, the slow patterns were so attentive. At the same time his tongue was pushing into the small space between your lips, easing them further apart. The exploration of his tongue paired perfectly with the caresses of his hands, one on either side of your body now.

You squeezed your thighs together when you felt him firmly grab your hips, almost pinching. Then he rubbed and clenched his fingers, rubbed and clenched. You couldn’t help lifting your hips a little, keen to press more of yourself against him. His tongue kept playing against the roof of your mouth, encouraging you further.

“I like the way you’re squirming under me.” He said. “I can tell this good girl is enjoying herself already, hm?”

“Mm-hmm.” You responded.

His hands moved lower than your hips, the toys pushing against your skin. The movement held your focus. He went to your ass, holding it in his hands, fingers extending and massaging this area. It seemed to you that he was truly trying to learn your body, giving you the sense that this was so much more than a fleeting interest and you let yourself get more excited, writhing a bit more frequently now. 

When you opened your eyes it was to find him watching you, something of a smile still on his face as your reactions intrigued him. He noticed you looking and smiled a bit wider. His hands were now dragging up-and-down, going from the top of your butt to the tops of your thighs.

“I’m not used to having a knowledge advantage like this. You’re so clever, so quick, so tuned in, you always know more than me. Not in a cocky, or arrogant way- that’s never been you. But you’re a smart, smart girl, and maybe this is an area where I’m ‘smarter’, so I think I might savour how this feels.” He said. “Having all the control as I show you something new, surprise you a little.”

“That means you’re gonna stretch this teasing out, aren’t you?” You asked.

“Is that not what you want, baby?” He asked with a teasing grin now on his face.

“I need to work on my patience. And I just want to know if it will be worth it.” You said.

“Of course it will be worth it. If you can earn it: you’re going to get a big reward.” He said. “And I don’t really wanna rush something I’ve waited so long for.”

“Waited, what do you mean?” You asked.

“All of the times you’ve popped into my head and I’ve wondered if it would only work as a quick fantasy… what’s that expression, if I had a dollar for every time?”

“You would have a lot of dollars?” You offered.

“Precisely.” He said. “Naturally my smart girl knew what I was talking about straight away.”

You wondered if he would be able to give you a more specific amount of this metaphorical money - you made a note to hold this question for later.

For now you were just concentrating on kissing him, his mouth covering yours again. His expectations were present in your mind, but they couldn’t intimidate you, not while you were preoccupied by how right everything felt. One kiss melted into another, a perfectly correct rhythm.

You felt one of his hands wrap around your thigh, the fingers splayed out in a purposeful grasp. He began to ease your legs apart.

Your concentration instantly sharpened when his covered fingers got to the area typically covered by your panties. You wrapped an arm around his neck, needing a hint of steadiness. He rubbed and massaged at your pubic mound, the pressure enticing you. You noticed how much blood was pumping into this area - all before he had made any contact with your labia majora. He was warming your body up inch-by-inch and it was splendid.

You felt the want pooling in your cunt as he started to work over your labia. He took his time to caress these folds, the rubber fingers gliding over your pubic hairs. It was a nice increase of intimacy, keeping you on track of hoping for what his next move would feel like.

He broke the kiss and you saw how he was grinning, his tongue dragging over his top row of teeth. “Isn’t that so much fun, so much more fun than just playing on your own?” He asked.

“Mm-hmm.”

It seemed he wasn’t done with making you wait. Instead of going forward, he took his fingers away and it was only the cool air touching your pussy.

But you didn’t relax, expecting more and wanting to be prepared.

You kept your eyes shut for the moment. You weren’t motivated to open them until he spoke again and he had straightened up, some distance between your bodies as he returned his hands to the sack of supplies.

“So you’ve met this kind of toy before, how about this? How familiar are you with this?” He asked, showing you a larger object.

“Oh, a wand. Of course I’ve used one of those before.” You said.

His hand went back into the sack. “Alright, I’m gonna need something to help me surprise you, then.” He produced an eye mask, which bore the same star pattern you had seen on the handcuffs. “Do you want to veto this?”

“No, but, well, I mean, not veto, but…” His eyebrows raised as you stumbled over your words. “I’m not against the blindfold, but am I really not gonna get to see you? You get to see me totally naked, but I’m not gonna see anything?”

“Just for a little while…” He said and he wore a smile as he came closer with the eye mask. “God, you’re adorable when you’re pouting like that. Don’t worry, kitten, you will get to see me naked, I’m here to tease you, not subject you to cruel deprivation.” He eased the mask over the top of your head, not pulling it any lower than your eyebrows for now. “My plan is actually for you to get sick of the sight of me naked.”

You smiled at this obvious joke. “Why would that be your goal? That would take a whole lot of nakedness.”

“Exactly.” He said. “What’s your definitive verdict for the blindfold?”

“I’m okay with it. That's the same stars as the…”

“Uh-huh, it goes with the cuffs. Actually it’s from a four-piece set. It also came with this…” He left the mask not blocking any of your view, his focus going back to the bag. He pulled out a small, flexible-looking paddle. Its body was decorated with the same solid white stars.

Then he showed you another item, which carried on the star motif on its thick straps. These adjustable straps were short and attached to a modestly sized ball. You knew exactly where that solid sphere was supposed to go, and it truly intimidated you.

“A ball-gag?” You asked, wondering how you could stall for a little time.

“Yeah, we don’t have to use it if you don’t want to. Personally, it’s not my favourite. But I brought it along anyway because I’m here to explore your favourites, and we’re gonna do that without judgement, one hundred percent.”

“I don’t need it.” You said.

“Cool, let’s just…” He trailed off, stopping himself mid-gesture. “I was gonna throw this to the side, but I don’t want your boy to come along and think it’s a toy for him and get at it.”

“Iggy’s scared of everyone, you’re literally not gonna see him at all.” You said of your cat.

The ball-gag returned into the sack and you felt better for it. He opened the velcro of one of the handcuffs. You straightened your arm and he wrapped the band around your wrist, then pressed the two ends together. You were smiling as you offered your other wrist to him.

“I’m proud of you for using a veto.” He said as he got the second cuff secured.

“Oh, thanks.” You said, not entirely sure how to respond to this unexpected compliment. Was it sexy to him that you had said no? You supposed that one veto wasn’t going to place many limitations on him, the bag in his hand still heavy with possibilities.

He kissed you, his fingers brushing up against the sides of your face. You lifted your hands, the chain giving a little rattle to remind you of your restrictions as you extended your arms. You held onto his shirt as his tongue massaged against your lips.

You felt something soft pressing against the top of your face. When he eased away, you opened your eyes to only see the dark fabric of the eye mask. You continued to hold onto his shirt as you waited for his kiss. You knew that it would anchor you through the rushing emotions and uncertainty.

A new but quiet sound got your curiosity as soon as you heard it. This proceeded you feeling the vibrations of the massaging wand, its rounded head pushed into the soft area beneath your belly button. At the same time, he leaned his body into yours. You had the sense that he was close enough to kiss, but it didn’t come.

“Lay back.” He said.

You instantly leaned away, your body blindly seeking out the bed. “So stern. Yes, sir.”

His lips crashed against yours before you were laid out. He was setting a lustful pace, faster than before.

Your back reached the bed, with him lying on top of you. The pressure from his weight was wonderful, further adding to the concept that he was fully in charge.

You had stopped noticing the mechanical humming of the magic wand. But it was brought back to your attention when he applied the stimulating bulb to your pubic mound. Your heart launched into your throat and you were breathlessly trying to keep up with his rushed kisses.

“It’s better like this, hm? It’s less intimidating for you, right?” He asked in a low voice. “Because you’re not trying to read my expression, you aren’t worrying about where I’m looking. You don’t have to wear the blindfold for the whole night, but it’s got its advantages.”

“I’m seeing that.” You said before giving a giggle. “Well, not seeing in the literal sense, but you know what I mean.”

“Uh-huh.”

“You’re still maintaining that knowledge advantage.” You said.

“And loving every second of it.” He said. “Raise your hands up above your head.” It wasn’t a request. At the same time you were feeling the vibrating toy moving lower, in a drawn-out manner.

“Yes, sir.” You said, making this adjustment.

In the same second that you had finished speaking, he swiftly delivered the vibrator to your clitoral hood. This opened you up to an excitement greater than before and you couldn’t help squirming as his body kept you pinned down. The vibrations titillated you, awakening nerves, even at this low setting.

His lips going to one of your nipples brought a choked sob from your mouth. He began to suck and the intensity perfectly matched the vibrations, creating a fire in your gut. You saw stars, but these weren’t the same as what was printed on the fabric. These little stars were appearing and glowing prettily in your imagination.

He transferred to the other nipple and increased the toy’s pulsations. He kept it against your clit, set on this as the best location.

When he gradually moved his mouth down lower, he also took the sex toy to a lower spot. Now its smooth head nestled between where your puffy lips usually concealed your entrance. The pressure he utilised had you feeling the consistent vibrations in your labia minora, an intensity you needed more than a moment to adjust to.

The desire reached deeper into you, rocking you on a greater level as his lips massaged across your skin. You were amazed by how much effort he was putting into your experience, working so hard for your pleasure. His lips trailed onto your belly as he stepped the vibrations up to the next mode.

You felt his lips parting so he could flit his tongue on your skin from time-to-time. And as you rode the sensations higher, more sounds fell from your mouth. Containing them felt entirely beyond your control and your face coloured with more pink as he heard every honest reaction.

He adjusted how his weight rested, lying his body on your legs as he progressed to kissing beneath your waistline. Your hands went to the pillow, gripping it as a means of supporting yourself as you anticipated what might be next.

The surprise was more than you could fathom when your clit was encapsulated by unique vibrations. Your mouth opened but no words came out as your brain struggled to make sense of what you were experiencing. The massage on your clitoral hood existed independent of the work of the stimulating wand, which he was continuing to hold at your entrance. This didn’t deliver the moisture from his lips, and you could still feel those on your belly, anyway.

You didn’t know what created the sensation, but you did know that you liked it. You watched the unreal stars growing, completely blind to anything else as your mind focused on the present.

“There’s the surprise I wanted.” He said, the stimulants persisting at the two spots on your crotch.

“Oh, uh-huh.” You gasped as your back arched.

“And have I found a toy you aren’t familiar with?” He asked, his tone a little gloating.

“I think so.” You said, slowly adjusting to this unrelenting intensity.

You guessed that he was no longer within kissing range, now his voice seemed to be coming from a spot close to your hip. It wasn’t much of a leap to presume he was getting a close-up view of how your pussy was reacting to his treatment.

“This fun little tool is a clit sucker.” He said as the pulsations continued to engulf the hood.

“I definitely don’t need to use a veto for that.” You said.

He chuckled. “That’s good baby, that’s really good.”

He took the wand away from your pussy. You weren’t sure where it was relocated to, you just took the opportunity to concentrate fully on what was happening to your clitoral hood.

When the pulsations came in harder, you could only guess how much he had turned it up by. Were there more powerful levels he intended to use on you?

It didn’t feel the exact same as having a pair of lips sucking on your sensitive peak. But it felt wonderful in its own way, consistently getting you more excited, until your toes started to curl.

All of a sudden there was an external heat at your entrance, with him pressing a kiss onto your pussy lips. Your heart skipped a few beats and you awaited more.

It didn’t take long for him to initiate another kiss, then another - more-and-more until it felt like he was making out with your entrance. He sampled how your desires tasted with some swipes of his tongue. All the while he kept the active toy sucker on your clit.

His tongue began moving into you, prompting your thighs to quiver and shake. More noises began to swell up in your chest and you bit into your lower lip, feeling unwilling to fully share them. He lapped in deeper, and greedy (yet incoherent) whines came from you, barely muffled. You sucked on your lip as great chunks fell out of your composure.

“Hey, hang on…” He said once his lips were detached from your cunt. “No, no, no, don’t hurt that pretty lip.”

You stopped what you were doing before you had fully understood what he said. You lifted your head from the pillow, momentarily forgetting that the eye mask blocked your vision.

“That’s my lip to bite on, to suck, to play with- I’m gonna be the reason it’s swollen tomorrow, okay?” He said. You hoped that your continuing wiggling wouldn’t be perceived as you not listening (something worth punishment). You simply couldn’t hold yourself still, not while the sucking device was working its magic. You nodded your head to prove that you were paying attention, trying your best to behave.

“If you really need something to bite down on…”

“Not the ball-gag.” You said quickly.

“No, no, I wouldn’t dream of bringing it back.” He instantly reassured you. “Here, bite on this if you need to.”

Something flat nudged against your lip and you complied by opening your mouth. Your mouth was only partially filled. As you shut it, the confusion left you, he had given you the flexible paddle to set your teeth into. Or at least that was what you guessed it to be. You could comfortably close your lips around it, keeping it in place without his assistance.

“Is that good?” He asked and you gave him the only answer you could of nodding your head. “And what about this?”

He seemed to refocus on how he was holding the sucking device to your clit, bringing it closer so that you could feel its pulsations with complete consistency again. Appreciatively your hips bucked up, which made the toy’s power all the more apparent. The makeshift-gag muffled your whimper.

“Yeah, that’s good for you, huh?” He asked. “And this is probably even better.”

He turned the vibrations up and your jaw clenched, your teeth locking onto the paddle. You raised your bound hands up to your face as you felt yourself getting lost for the moment. The intensity was huge, making you feel like all of your senses were being overwhelmed. How could you grasp for even a shred of composure in your current state?

He parted the device from your clitoris and it felt like you could come back to yourself a little. The breaths you drew were shaky, but they were full.

Then his tongue returned to your cunt. This slower stimulation felt like exactly what you needed, with him lapping appreciatively at the moisture. You lowered your hands and stopped gritting your teeth against the paddle as you started to settle into this sensation.

He slowly dragged his tongue up to your clitoral hood. You blindly reached your hands out, placing them on his head with your fingers exploring the soft strands of hair. Your lungs filled with more (needed) air as he gently drew circles around your sensitive nub.

Before you could get too invested in this progression, the intensity sharply increased with the reintroduction of the sucking device. You gave a dramatic twitch beneath him.

The thrilling vibrations were taking you back to that place with no thoughts and limited control. The quivering in your thighs was soon accompanied by the thrusting of your hips. They moved according to their own rhythm, just trying to make use of all of this feverish excitement. It accelerated the effects of the device.

But you didn’t find the ideal pacing, because the device was taken away too soon. This void was filled by his mouth before too long. As he worked his tongue and lips on your clit, you decided that this felt better than the device - this was the sublime experience of having your clit sucked.

The toy couldn’t replicate this perfectly. But when he switched it back, you still found plenty to enjoy of how it treated your clitoral hood, keeping your mind blissfully blank. It was a solid consolation, you couldn’t deny how titillating its vibrations were.

He kept switching from one to the other, your clit consistently stimulated and the tingles this brought to your body only grew more pronounced. You gave in more with each switch, beginning to see each as your path to orgasm.

But he never quite let you get that high. You spat the paddle out of your mouth, letting him hear your noises louder, in the hopes this would persuade him to allow you to ride this excitement to its logical end.

You pumped your hips, patience wavering as you tried to match him, tried to find the essential synergy. Your hands in his hair curled into unthreatening fists, gripping as more of your desperation showcased itself.

“Sir…” You whimpered, hoping you had found the cheat code to make him give you exactly what you wanted.

He applied more pressure with his tongue as he repeatedly worked it up-and-down against your clitoral hood. In response you lifted your ass higher off the bed. Your pussy was brought flush to his face as he seemed focused on working your clit in this promising way. His hand grabbed your butt as you delivered thrust after thrust into his face. The stars in your eyes got even brighter as it began to feel like your body was floating. A powerful fire burnt in your gut, with involuntary sounds falling from your mouth (you were too enchanted to feel self-conscious over whether the sounds were to his liking or not).

Your next noise was a loud and mournful moan when he took his mouth off of you. You kept your hands in his hair, even as your arms shook. The seconds without feeling anything from him seemed to stretch out.

“Please, don’t stop.” You said as he kept you waiting.

“Oh, so you’re not a fan of edging?” He asked, his tone so casual.

“I can’t say that I am.” You said, squirming in your wet-thighed anticipation.

“But the noises you’re making are just so nice, so so sexy, can you really blame me for wanting to savour them? I’ve been waiting a long time to hear you like this.” He said.

You huffed, trying to find the winning approach as you pouted again. “But-but don’t you wanna know how I’ll sound when I come? Aren’t you curious about hearing that noise?”

He caressed your ass now, still not giving you what felt as essential as oxygen. “I suppose that’s the noise I really want to hear. But I didn’t know that you wanted to come.”

“Damiano.” You substituted the curse words populating your brain for his name.

“What?” He asked, playing at being oblivious. “How am I supposed to know what you want unless you tell me?”

“Is that what this is about, you’ve been waiting for me to say it?” You asked.

“Uh-huh. I wanna hear you say exactly what you want. I wanna hear your dirty talk.” He said.

You shifted your legs, feeling a seed of insecurity over the possibility of doing this wrong. You wanted to sound sexy for him - but did you know how?

“Don’t overthink it.” He told you, demonstrating a superior intuition of what you could be thinking thanks to how long he had known you. “Just say what you want, that’s all I’m looking for.”

“Well, I wanna… I wanna come.” You said, feeling like you were stating the absolute obvious.

His fingers caressed your butt and it was the only thing that you had to hold onto.

“Uh-huh, and who’s gonna make you come?” He asked.

“You. I want you to make me come.” You said, before rushing to add. “Please.”

“Good girl.” He said. “How do you want me to make you come?”

Fingers playing in his hair, you considered making a joke. You could poke fun at him by saying that it was more than dirty talk he was after: he was going to have you write an essay of how you wanted to achieve an orgasm before he actually made it happen.

You wet your lips as you let this half-baked idea go. You chose to not get distracted. “I want your lips and your tongue.”

“Want them to do what?” He prompted.

“Please, I want you to use them on my pussy to make me come.” You said, too impatient to feel embarrassed over saying something so explicit. “Please.”

This proved to be what he needed to hear. Without a further word, he returned his mouth to your pussy, satisfying the way you burnt to feel more.

He didn’t come at you with any of the toys (both known and not). Instead he was finding his own rhythm with just his mouth and you let out an appreciative moan. Your hands rested on the back of his head as you got drunk on how these wonderful sensations were building. He kept one of his hands on your ass, a secure hold that was matched by the way he gripped at the top of your thigh, maintaining the distance between your legs that he wanted.

He created something of a seal around your clitoral hood with his lips, then applied his tongue to it. He played with the peak, seeing how far he could push it and experimenting with your responses to different patterns. You could focus on every swirl, no stops or toys to interrupt the flow. It was simpler than before, but it was such an effective way of blowing your mind.

He moved his tongue up-and-down consistently, not letting his mouth slip even slightly. The pressure was fantastic and you capitalised on this by thrusting your hips, driving your pussy into his face again. Your hands gripped his hair, needing him to stay where he was.

It didn’t matter how hard or fast you grinded, his mouth never failed you. You felt your chest hollowing and it seemed that you became smaller, so easily dwarfed by the immense pleasure.

Your breaths were marked by little whimpers as the effort took more-and-more from you. But you knew it would be worth it, getting blinded by the imaginary stars.

He made a slurping sound as he worked to keep the moisture in his mouth. The suck that corresponded with this brought a tremendous quake through your core.

You were irrevocably overpowered, levitating off of the bed further than before. Your fingers gripped onto his hair as you began to greet that lovely edge.

“Yes.” You whined, feeling how good it was to let everything go. “Oh my God, yes.”

You began to come undone, getting lost entirely.

There was an unexpected spike, the pleasure hitting a new level when he reintroduced the wand vibrator. You felt the pulsations in your clitoris as your pussy enjoyed the climax.

It was a spectacular explosion, the aftershocks still racing through you even after the vibrator was taken away. You didn’t know how to pull yourself back together, but for now you didn’t care.

The brightness of the room came back to your attention before you had opened your eyes. He had pushed the eye mask out of the way, allowing the light to push against your eyelids. The corners of your lips started to lift into a smile.

“Feeling that extra merriment now?” He asked before his lips captured yours for a moment.

“So much.” You said. “The merriest ever.”

“But I haven’t finished showing you all the surprises in my sack.” He said.

“And you still haven’t taken that silly costume off.” You said.

“It’s part of my character and it’s effective.” He said in his own defence before he seemingly had a realisation. He sat back on his knees and reached for the bottom of the green shirt. “But I guess it has served its purpose.”

He discarded the shirt and you were finally given the luxury of your eyes exploring his torso with little to no shyness. You could study like you never had before, really fixating on the details. You could notice and be enticed by everything that you saw.

You were grateful when he didn’t hesitate to take his jeans down. But just watching wasn’t enough to satisfy the desires swirling through you.

You extended your arms out. But before your hands could reach the waistband of his briefs, he stopped you by grabbing the chain that connected your handcuffs. He gave you a stern, but not disapproving, look as he used the chain to direct your hands closer to your chest.

“You haven’t learnt how to be patient yet?” He asked and you instantly identified this as a challenge.

It wasn’t a challenge you could ignore. “I guess I haven’t fully grasped the concept.”

You saw his eyes flicker, but the movement that corresponded with it was too quick for you to see. Instead of seeing him pick up the paddle, you felt its return to the scene.

He slapped the flat object against the side of your thigh, instantly compelling you to ditch any further challenges. Your breath hitched as you felt your leg heat and sting. You were caught off-guard by this sensation, needing to pause to figure out your own reaction.

His eyes were on your face, he was holding the paddle up, his arm tensed as if to strike again. But he didn’t follow through. At first you were reminded of a video that was buffering.

Then you realised he was waiting for your consent. And you gave it. You licked your lips as you turned your hips a little, presenting him with more thigh, and even some butt, to spank. You kept your hands to yourself, lying on your chest in what seemed like a safe zone.

The next slap from the paddle surprised you less, now you knew how to register the feeling. You liked it, hoping your skin would glow pink in a way that would please him.

There were no words coming to mind because the seconds between each spank were filled by you trying to prepare for the next. Then when it came, your mind went totally blank. As the sting radiated out, you began the climb of anticipation again. Your body was filling with tension, growing more intense. But you held onto the faith that he would be able to resolve all of it.

Another satisfying slap filled the quiet in the room. You heard his heavy breathing as more heat filled into the raised side of your butt. You still weren’t feeling pain from the continuing spanks, it was a sharp sensation and each time it cut through absolutely everything else. Your enjoyment was only increasing.

He pulled his arm back and your eyes fluttered shut as you awaited the next strike. Instead, he spoke. “Do you feel like having another try at behaving correctly?” He placed the paddle against your ass, resting it against the curve. “Or would you rather be a naughty girl?” Your need to be cheeky had definitely dulled. “There’s something I really want to show you from my sack. But I’m not about to share it with a naughty girl.”

“I’ll be good.” You said. “I’ll be very good, sir.”

He smiled, starting to lean down. Before his mouth could meet yours, he gave you another slap from the paddle. You couldn’t help flinching but you loved how it felt, settling into the feeling as he kissed you again. You let out a little whimper, your hands going to his hot pectorals.

Before you could get too accustomed to how his bare skin felt on yours, he pulled away. He ditched the paddle as he stood up.

He brought a small, slim box out of the sack. He moved too quickly for you to properly gain all of the details from the box. The device that came from it wasn’t familiar. It was matte black, probably made of silicone. It had two thin prongs, which kind of resembled legs, coming together at a compact disc. You kept your eyes on it, willing clarity to come.

He set it down on the bed, beside your leg, then proceeded to get something new from the bag. This next thing was far more straight-forward - a box of condoms. He collected one of the packaged items before getting back to taking his pants off. As soon as they were lowered, he took his underwear down as well. There was no missing how keen he was - immediately the stiffness of his dick confirmed that you had succeeded in turning him on.

There was a portion of yourself that felt self-conscious for wanting his cock so much. But overwhelmingly, you felt excited. All of the lust that had been developing now had a place to land.

He started at the tip, covering it then unrolling the latex further. As you watched this motion, you thought about what it would be like to experience his dick for the first time purely through taste. It was an intriguing and enticing fantasy, it didn’t seem farfetched to assume he would greatly enjoy it too, continuing your seduction.

But then you realised he didn’t want you to have any thoughts at all. At once you tried to empty your mind.

When he picked the tong-esque item up, you noticed a second, detached disc, but he held this in the palm of his hand, downplaying any significance.

“Did I bring another surprise?” He asked.

“Yeah, I have no idea what that is. I might be able to guess what it does.”

“You can guess, if you wanna. Or I could tell you and explain it. Or I could show you.” He said, entertained even in this in-between moment.

“Show me, please sir.” The answer seemed so obvious to you.

He grinned as he climbed up, placing his knees on the bed. “I really like it when you call me that.”

“Then I guess I have no choice but to keep saying it.”

Remaining above you, he placed the new device on you, its legs reaching toward your mound. At first you felt only the faint hint of its weight and nothing else.

Then he pressed a button on the tiny remote in his hand, and the disc on your lower tummy silently began to vibrate. It wasn’t too intense straight away, but it was enough to make you smile. He dragged it closer to your cunt and you worked to not squirm in your anticipation. You looked from the strangely-shaped device to his face - naturally he was still smiling, as his eyes glittered.

“But what do these little legs do?” He asked the question that was on your mind.

He picked the toy up and showed you how the prongs could be repositioned, bending them with little to no resistance. He curved them to face opposite directions and you were doing a lot of thinking trying to figure out the advantages of this. Was it supposed to go inside of you? It looked too thin, but you guessed the capability to hit two different angles at once had a lot of potential.

“Uh-huh, and what’s the point of that?” He asked.

He answered by taking the toy down, towards his dick as he changed the bend in the legs again. He placed it over his length, the connecting disc at the top. He gave the legs another repositioning twist, one at a time wrapping them around his cock, close to the base. He got this adjustable cock ring how he wanted, the ends of the legs crossed over at his balls.

“That’s a great surprise.” You said, showing him that you were less confused.

“You like looking at it, wait until you feel it. Wait until this pad is vibrating against your clit while I’m fucking you so deep.” He said.

Your legs were already spread, it was hard to know how much longer you would be able to hold yourself back. “Show me, sir?”

This earned you the proximity that came with making out. You lifted your arms out of the way, passing the cuff’s chain over his head. You rested your hands at the base of his neck as his body pressed so perfectly on top of yours. You settled into one another, lips working together as the synergy kept strengthening.

With no hesitation, you moved deeper into the lust. Your thighs clung to his hips as his tongue tasted and played with your bottom lip. Your tensed body wanted to melt for him more than anything.

He sucked on your lip as he started to sink down into you, accepted by your thoroughly-primed pussy. You identified this as the best sensation of the night, instantly superior to the toys, and definitely worth waiting for. Your fingers curled, grasping for his hair as you stretched to accommodate him further.

His body settled on top of you, fitting in between your legs. This closeness brought even more excitement - you already knew that he would be able to take you to another stunning peak. He had more energy to give to your pleasure.

Rather than seeking the greatest penetration at once, he gave you time to adjust. He was going to build to the moment of overwhelming you. For now he tested his range of movement, pumping his hips so you could feel the potential of what he could do with his shaft.

Gradually he worked himself deeper. You couldn’t help imposing little breaks between kisses as the pressure increased inside of you. 

It wasn’t long before you gave up from trying to keep up with his mouth altogether, a parting suck applied to your lip before you leaned your head slightly back. You decided to give your attention to moving your hips, attempting to match his affectionate pace.

Before you could truly sync yourself to him, the vibrating toy collided with you, surprising you momentarily beyond comprehension. Your hips dramatically jutted up as your mind slowly began to catch up. You shook as you adjusted to this new intensity.

It seemed your vulnerability was clear because he paused to ask. “Are you okay, bella? Is it too much?”

You arched your back to press into him, smiling. “Oh, it’s good. It’s really fucking good.”

“You don’t need your safe word?” He asked, still not moving.

“Absolutely not.” You said.

You opened your eyes and lifted your head in the pursuit of capturing his lips in a kiss. It didn't matter how short on breath you were feeling, you prioritised cultivating your connection with these excited kisses.

You also drove your hips forward, craving the beginnings of friction. He stopped hesitating and grabbed your butt as he gave you a push, moving in deeper. You couldn’t help whimpering as he delivered another thrust.

He swiftly and confidently took the lead - it made you want to call him sir repeatedly.

With each pump from him, you had begun to feel the silicone legs of the toy wrapped around his dick. You felt the smooth material rubbing against your pussy, but you had yet to register the vibrations (not that you felt you needed it).

You rested your head in the curve of his neck, unable to keep up with his kisses. But you were managing to stay with the pacing of his hips. You met every strike, lengthening each motion and giving you even more to enjoy. His energy was matching and coming together with yours as it had so many times over the past two years - but in a brand new way, more intense than you would have associated with him.

This was the most important mutual goal you had ever worked toward with him. You stuck with him, even as the threat of getting overwhelmed crept in again.

As everything wanted to shatter around you, he remained your constant. Listening to his raspy breaths kept you from getting entirely lost. Your short nails pressed into his skin and your nostrils were filled with the enticing scent of his sweat mixed with cologne. You didn’t care about anything beyond his body.

The tender massage between your inner-walls got even deeper, touching at a depth his tongue hadn’t reached. It brought the stars back to your shut eyes, but they were so much bigger and brighter now.

“Fuck.” You exclaimed in response to feeling the vibrations on your clit again.

Your gut clenched as you rode this sensation higher. He let you enjoy this stimulation, not rocking back according to the earlier pacing. Your cunt fluttered and spasmed around him. This prompted some cuss words from him too.

He writhed against you, barely pulling his hips away. Instead he completed some quasi-thrusts, seeing what else could be gained from this closeness. 

When he returned to full motion, it was absolutely electric. The quick touches of the vibrator to your clitoral hood were enough to keep you reeling.

The perfect synergy of your bodies soon brought you back to the edge. Little ecstatic cries began to fall from your lips.

“Yes, uh yes, yes-yes.” You stammered as you failed to meet more than a few of his bucks.

He kissed across your forehead, something so affectionate was in direct contrast with the frantic rhythm of his body. “Merry Christmas, babe.”

Hearing that wholesome phrase was so unexpected that it felt out of place and you couldn’t help but laugh. This noise transformed quickly into an audibly strangled breath as he plunged all the way in again.

There was no composure left for you to regain. Even as he adopted slow and shorter strokes, you were helplessly overstimulated.

He put his hands to your sides, a determined hold. He kept his hips pressed against yours as he grinded into you repeatedly. The vibrator was directly on your clit, the pulsations were ready to devastate you.

“It feels like you’re ready to come.” He said. “Are you?”

The prospect of him edging you again occurred to you, and you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist before you answered. (You didn’t know how you would cope if he put you through more of that.) “Yes, yes sir, I am.”

He spared you any further teasing, he didn’t retract. He stayed close, quickly snapping his hips. He whimpered as he kept working his tip on your sensitive walls.

You held him tighter (your cunt clenching too), giving yourself up to the pressure that just kept rising. Your hips stuttered at their own tempo, there was no rhyme or reason to it, simply moving to express some of your excitement. He didn’t correct this behaviour, letting you continue as everything began to come together.

Your gut tightened and you had to bite your lip to stop the loudest noises from getting free. He moaned your name over the consistent sound of your skin slapping together.

“Oh, fuck. I think I’m…” His pitch changed and you noticed how he had begun to be plagued by tremors. “Yeah, I’m gonna come, like right now.”

You were holding onto his taut shoulders as you opened your eyes. As he remained in motion, you saw the look of concentration on his face. Instantly you were enthralled by the idea of seeing him become complete, as you were on the threshold of.

“Yeah?” You asked.

“Yeah. Oh yes, yes, yes.” He said, his eyes squeezed shut as he kept rubbing into that deepest part of you. “Yes, yes, fuckin’ yes.”

You wanted to watch him driving to that point of perfection. But the relentless pulsing against your clitoris was stealing your focus, insisting that you fall apart. The fluttering of your eyelids became harder to fight against.

There was a powerful moan that was swelling in your throat as he suddenly became rigid. He pressed against you firmly, loudly trying and failing to catch his breath. You felt how he shivered on top of you, demonstrating less control than any other point of the night.

The pressure caused by having him so close (and deep), with the vibrating disc still on your clitoris, was enough to take you over the edge. Your pussy clenched around his shaft as the orgasm dawned throughout your entire body. Biting your lip wasn’t enough to stifle the cries that your revelation brought out. You were stunned on every possible level.

Even once the vibrator’s massage was over, and he had pulled out, you still felt like you were on the verge of breaking apart again. Moving was beyond your capabilities right now and you thought it would be easier to fall asleep than recover.

“Oh my God.” You gasped when upon opening your eyes, your vision filled with him. The reality of this situation was beginning to settle in, things were clearer now.

“You alright?” He asked as he moved closer to free your wrists from the restraints.

“Uh-huh, I don’t feel like I need to say Grinch, still.” You said.

“I wasn’t going to make fun of you, but you really did pick the dorkiest possible safe word.” He said, wearing a cheeky smile.

You rolled your eyes and pulled up the top of the blanket. “It suits you, then.” This earned you a laugh from him. Before you could slip into the old and familiar teasing, you stayed tapped into this vulnerability. “You’re gonna stay, right?”

He smiled as he finished removing the cuffs, then he swept in to kiss you. “Of course, I would love nothing more than to stay with you, bella.”

As his fingers caressed your cheeks, you kissed him. This led to another, then another, at a slower pace than before because you knew you didn’t need to rush. This was an affectionate yet lazy continuation of your intimacy.

It didn’t develop into anything more, he simply laid down with you. You wrapped your arms around him, the two of you sharing looks that lingered longer than what you would have classified as normal.

You didn’t need to ask him to move his limbs, he hadn’t positioned himself in a way that had brought you any discomfort. You liked the way his arms fit around your waist. You didn’t need to put any of your clothes back on, this embrace had you feeling warm enough.

He broke the silence, speaking softly and at the sound of that you didn’t feel like you needed to prepare any witty retorts. “Thank you for trusting me. This was one of the biggest gambles of my life, and I feel lucky that you were willing to go along with it.”

“I’m glad I could maintain my unbroken streak of always going along with your ideas.” You said, able to see the smile he wore even in the limited lighting. “You mean the world to me, I’m always gonna trust you.”

Maybe more could have been said - there wasn’t a finite amount of emotions to be told. But the silence didn’t bother you. You didn’t feel obligated to speak: to win him over or otherwise make this moment. You were so content, running your fingers through his hair until sleep arrived.

*** *** ***

You began hearing a consistent tinkling, fun and non-abrasive, but persistent enough to keep you from falling asleep again. You didn’t open your eyes, trying to determine the source without seeing it. You were floating in the daze of not yet awake, the world covered by a kind of fuzziness. You rolled onto your side, yet to realise that Damiano was missing from your bed.

Your thoughts were clearing up as you continued to listen to the jingling. As you readjusted the warm blanket over your bare form, you recognised this gentle, non-rhythmic music. You had heard it very recently, even though it wasn’t a regular fixture in your home.

It was the silly bell from the elf hat. You were certain of this, opening your eyes at once. You lifted your head from the pillow, too curious to resist now. You looked around, trying to gain as much information from the room as possible.

You found Damiano was sitting on the carpet and he had the novelty hat in hand, jostling the fabric so that the bell would dance in the air. It was shaking and bobbing directly in front of your cat.

Seeing Iggy was the last thing you needed to drag yourself fully out of sleep. You hadn’t expected to see this, but he looked completely at ease. In the two years that you had owned him, he had never played with anyone but you. In all of his visits to your home, Damiano had only managed to briefly pet the cat, with Iggy always maintaining his strict disinterest in outsiders.

But now he was playing, seemingly totally invested. He sat so close to Damiano’s legs, those predatory eyes fixed on the silver bell. Damiano swung it close to Iggy and he picked up both of his front feet to swipe at it. The whole time, Damiano was beaming, so clearly enjoying this brand new experience.

“I don’t believe it…” You said, keeping your voice low to avoid startling your cat.

Damiano kept the hat in motion as he looked at you. “Crazy, huh? I guess he finally decided that I’m not his enemy. I didn’t even need to use any catnip to bribe him into this.”

“It’s a legitimate Christmas miracle.” You said. Reflecting back on how Iggy had shunned the attention of all of your past partners, this didn’t seem like an exaggeration to say.

“I know, right?” He said. “He was sitting there looking at it on the ground when I woke up. And I thought he would run away as soon as I got out of bed.” His words were accompanied by the music of the bell, which you were coming to enjoy more. “But…”

His face fell when Iggy began to walk away, unhurriedly going to the opened door. “Oh, now he’s leaving.” Iggy didn’t look back, disappearing without a sound. “He’s done with me, I guess.”

“Bye, sweetie.” You called after your pet.

“Damn, I miss him already.” He said sadly.

You couldn’t stop smiling. “He hates everyone.”

He shrugged a shoulder. “I’m better than those other nobodies. That’s just how it is.”

You giggled. “You’re still naked.”

He got up on his knees, walking his way toward the bed in this fashion. “So are you. We’re just hanging out, naked.”

“I like it.” You said, sitting up higher as he got closer to you.

“Yeah, me too.” He said.

He reached the side of the bed, just slightly beneath eye-level. He leaned in, his eyes going to your lips as you put your hands on either side of his face. You kissed him, slowly, enjoying this indulgence just as you had last night.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, keeping his face close to yours.

“I’m good.”

“Yeah? You haven’t got any sore spots that I need to kiss better?” He asked.

You pushed one of your hands up the nape of his neck, into his hair. “Nuh-uh, no spore spots, no regrets.”

“That’s fantastic, babe.” He said before moving in for more kisses.

You managed to drag your tongue along the line where his lips met, before he eased back. You were left with building cravings.

“I’ve been awake for a little while, and I’ve had time to check Santa’s sack. It appears that there’s still something in there for you, one more thing.” He said.

“Oh, but it’s too early to be calling me a naughty girl. At least, I think it’s too early.” You realised that you hadn’t seen any form of clock, or even glanced at the window.

“This isn’t something for a naughty girl.” He said. “This is a gift.”

“Well in that case: gimme!” You said enthusiastically.

He laughed as he got up, going over to where the sack had been sitting overnight. He picked out an item that was wrapped in festive paper. You smiled, ready to love it, even with no inclination of what it might be. He handed it to you, taking a seat at the edge of the bed with you.

“I hope you like it.” He said as you started tearing away the wrapping.

“I have no doubt that it’s going to be amazing.”

Beneath the paper, you found a sleeve of protective bubble wrap. In here was your gift, a rectangular photo frame. You recognised the series of small photos from a photo booth at the cinema you usually visited. The five photos showed you and Damiano, side-by-side, making various faces for the different photos. You hadn’t seen these photos for two years, you had no idea he still had them.

“Oh wow, this is from forever ago.” You said, seeing how happy the two of you appeared.

“Yeah, do you remember this? It’s from when you dragged me to that midnight screening.” He said.

You rolled your eyes, unimpressed by how he was attempting to rewrite history. “I just said that I wondered what those were like, how the vibes were. And you said you would try it with me for Endgame’s premiere. There was no dragging involved.” You jabbed your pointer finger into the air before he had a chance to cut you off. “And it definitely wasn’t my fault that you fell asleep less than halfway through the movie.”

“I had been touring for months. It’s a miracle that I didn’t fall asleep while we were taking these photos.” He said. “I thought you might like to have these, like a time capsule of us being nerdy together.”

“I love it. I’m gonna put it somewhere that I’ll see it every day.” You said. “Just looking at it, it’s like I can feel how much fun we had that night… before you fell asleep.”

He eased your unruly hair back from your face. “You are really cute when you’re telling me that I’m wrong, did you know that?”

There was the beginning of a blush in your cheeks as you looked at him. “I know now.”

With a smile, you closed the distance between your bodies with a kiss. His arm slipped around you. You didn’t feel like you had sacrificed any of the significance of the friendship showcased in these old photos. Nothing needed to be lost on the path to this new level.

“If you check under my tree, you’ll find there’s a gift for you there.” You told him.

He grinned. “Really? You always get me the best gifts.”

“Why don’t you go get it?” You asked.

“I was thinking that I would open it later.” He said. “Like when I’m opening other presents with my family. And maybe you could be there too?”

“You want me to spend Christmas with your family?” You asked, thoroughly surprised.

“Don’t you think that would be better than spending the day alone? There’s no racist or otherwise weird uncles to ruin the vibe. My dad is a really great cook. And I’ll drive. And I don’t have to introduce you as anything more than my best friend if it feels too early for that.” He said.

Your heart had started fluttering as you listened to him. Now you picked up one of his hands, squeezing it as you found another of his appealing ideas to go along with. “What time do we need to leave?”

»»————-　♡　————-««  

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[littleesistler]

the amazing digital circus - age regression headcanons

so I got this request from the amazing and fellow age regressor @alechans-cutetickles

I’m not super deep into the tadc franchise but I’ve got a few headcanons here. I’ll also use myself as an example since I only know how I act when regressed to aovid dumb stereotypes. This is just my opinion and I only watched the tadc when it came out so let’s see if I can make a few good ones.

Pomni

would probably be the biggest brat and curse a lot. Like when age regressed, at least for me, I don’t really regulate my words as much. So I’ll tell all my options in big words that aren’t always so nice. So yeah a cursing little kiddo that will see what she can get away with.

Age 5-6

Kinger

would totally dress up and play princess and king. A mini or just big makeover. Full out makeup, nails, dress, hair. I do that do and it’s so fun during play dates. Just a full out slaying king even more then usual since the age regression brings out the extra drama queen.

Age 9-10

Zooble

I think would either go nonverbal or have a hard time talking. Many slured words and baby language. And get irritated and frustrated when she can’t explain her feelings. I do this a lot too and it’s very annoying and I get mini tantrums like she totally would. Age 2-3

Gangle

Since emotions are more extreme in little space she would totally be very crafty to express her emotions. Kandi jewelry, Hama beads, crochet and knitting. Making little gifts for herself and others. I do this a lot as well since my older age regression gives me lots of motivation and inspiration. Age 7-8

Jax

The king of pranks and bad jokes. Just running around and causing trouble behind the caregivers backs. Pretending to be a good leader and then just letting loose. I do this too when I’m with a trusted care giver and when caught give the most biggest puppy dog eyes.

Age 10-11

Ragatha

Just cry and cuddle. Very much overwhelmed the first hour or the whole time of age regression. So cuddles, gentle tickles and lots of stuffed animals and toys to comfort and clam down. Emotions become very big for me and just crying and being a bit sad is a good way to calm down after a long day.

Age 1-2

Caine

Lots of games and jokes. He loves a good competition so anything competitive and he’s on. Playing pretend, spots, video games. Anything and all. But be carful he kidna tends to put things in his mouth if he losses or get frustrated. Like me hahaha

Age 4-5

Yup so there you have it and sorry I’ve kinda been in and out of little space all day today and yesterday so a few things might be a bit messy. But oh well. This was really fun so just send in more ideas to me. ❤️🤲

Next post will be the lucid dreams I promise🥹

[gaysindistress]

Sad girl - seven

summary: James has an interesting new business proposal and one hell of a condition to deal with.

pairing: Mob!Bucky Barnes x Reader

warnings: cursing, guns, violence (it is a mob au after all), Bucky’s smartass, John Walker being a dick, arguing, sexual tension, being held at gunpoint

word count: 3.2k

part 6 | series masterlist

taglist:  @missvelvetsstuff @angelsincident @spencerreidisagorgman @  goldensunflowe-r   @i-have-no-life-charlie @esposadomd @reader-without-a-story @unaxv @iateall-yourcookies  littlelizardlizzie @alana4610 0 @kandis-mom

disclaimer: credits to original creator/poster of image/gif. found on google/Pinterest

She shouldn’t have trusted Steve to not say anything to James. He’s his right-hand man, from what she can tell, so, of course, he’s going to rat her out. His frustration is evident in the way he keeps flexing his hand, curling it into a fist and relaxing it. They’ve been sitting in his office for about 10 minutes now and neither of them has spoken, waiting for the other to speak up. She's assuming that Steve had texted him when they were driving back to James’ house. She should’ve just thrown her phone out of the window to avoid all of this. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Why would I need to? He’s relatively harmless.” 

“No one we know is harmless, Doll. You should know that and especially considering how he’s involved with your family.” 

She stands up from the couch and places both hands on his desk, leaning over to try and intimidate him. 

“Pepper so kindly told me what happened. Not that I care but why didn’t you tell me?” 

His eyes briefly flicker to the “B” necklace that’s hidden under her blouse collar before meeting her stare. 

“I assumed you either already knew or didn’t want to know. I’m sorry for not talking to you about it earlier.” 

“Oh wow, the big bad James Barnes is apologizing to me. Let me get my phone so I can video this and get proof that you’re not always right.” 

James grins at her remark, standing and leaning forward as well, “I never claimed to always be right but you’re right I am apologizing. Is there anything else you’d like to know?” 

She tries her hardest to not shrink under his blue eyes but the intensity forces her to break away and retake her place in the chair behind her. 

“Yeah, everything.” 

His eyes glint satisfaction as she backs down to him so easily. 

“Your father was getting his vibranium from the Wakandans but Namor came to him, offering to cut the costs in exchange for protection as they expand into New York,” he starts to explain, sitting back into his own chair, “Walker has been trying to insert himself as a middle man for a while with your father, hence why he tried to start a relationship with you. He thought if he could get in good with daddy’s little girl, Stark would start using him but he didn’t expect you to be so you. His plan failed with you but Pepper convinced Anthony to use him anyways and that’s how he started communications between Namor and Stark Industries. The only problem is that going to the competition was going to piss off the Wakandans and they weren’t supposed to find out until after it was all done. Someone leaked the switch to them and Stark came running to Steve and me. In exchange for Steve’s men, Stark added him to the Talokan deal so Steve could have things made for his men. We were in negotiations about what else he was going to give me but Pepper suggested that a permanent alliance would serve us both better. I wasn’t expecting her to arrange a marriage but there wasn’t enough time to try and figure something else out so I agreed. I figured that I would be able to find something else and that’s what the meeting you interrupted was about. Anthony wouldn’t budge so here we are.”

“Wow so you got fucked over and I got used,” it’s her turn to laugh. 

“I wasn’t fucked over but you definitely were used by that dick head. I would say I came out on top with my end of the deal. I’ve heard stories about you and seen glimpses of that famous Stark attitude so I was ready for the challenge.”

“Ouch. Girls typically don’t like being called challenges,” she feigns hurt, placing a hand over her heart. 

“Would you rather I call you an inconvenience?”

“Jesus no. You really know how to make a girl feel special,” crossing her left leg over her right, she shifts in her seat. 

“I aim for completely fucked out but I’ll take special,” he casually adds, eyes raking over her legs as he pulls out his phone. By now any annoyance had left his body and he tells himself that’s not all because she is close by. Admitting that she is the reason for calming down means one thing and she’s made it very clear that she does not want that.

“I have to go to Washington D.C on business later this week. It should only take a few days so I should be back by Saturday. The wedding planner Nat found wants to meet Monday at 12 to go over the basics.” 

She can’t stop shifting in her seat, thighs rubbing together every time she moves to find a semi-comfortable spot. At this point, she’s barely listening to what he has to say since he so causally mentioned a girl being fucked out is his primary goal in life. Internally her brain is telling her to sit still and get out as fast as she can but other thoughts are flooding her mind from between her legs. 

“Are you alright?” pretend concern laces his voice at her fidgety state.

“What? Oh yeah I’m fine,” she fails to lie and it’s clear he knows she’s lying by the way his lips turn up in that stupid smirk. 

“You sure? Something seems like it’s bothering you,” he pushes, hoping she’ll crack a little more. 

“It’s nothing,” she snaps, “why are you going to Washington?” “So full of ‘why’s today. Might have to teach you how to sit and listen without any questions.”

“I wouldn’t be such a challenge then, would I? You’d lose interest if I didn’t push your buttons.” 

The smirk breaks out in full force, “Maybe I want a good little housewife who obeys and doesn’t question me. I could get used to seeing you, so stubborn and spiteful, kneeling before me with wide eyes.”

His brave words spur something inside of her. If he wants to mess with her, two can play this game and right now she feels like inflicting a bit of her own torture on him. 

“We both know you don’t want that. If you did, we wouldn’t be here and you’d be off fucking some socialite girl who spends all of daddy’s money. You like the challenge. You want someone to put you in your place,” the sight of him licking his lips only pushes her to keep going on. 

“You’re a powerful man, you’re more than capable of getting what you want so there’s no way you just let this all happen. You want me and it’s getting to you that I won’t let you have me. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be to always get your way and now you’re being denied.”

The tension has shifted in the air and if anyone were to step foot into the room, they’d be wise to immediately exit. Both of them are trying to gain dominance and prove that they make the other break. James has reclined back into his chair, legs spread because what else says “I am the boss here” than manspreading? Doll has kept her legs crossed and her hands on her knee to show she isn’t bothered by any of this but really it’s because there’s a deep ache that is starting to crack her façade. 

“Has it occurred to you that I’m letting you act this way? You said it yourself, I get what I want. If I wanted, I would’ve had you that first night.”

“Radial idea: you’re not in control here. I am. I set the pace. I make the rules. I decide what happens. If I want you to beg for me, I’ll have you on your knees with tears in your eyes, begging for me to finally do something. If anything is going to happen, it’ll be on my terms, Bucky. You might be the man and the big boss that everyone fears but I’m the one who calls the shots,” her voice barely wavers no matter how fast her heart is beating against her chest. She’s thanking the gods that she’s not standing because she would’ve fallen right into his lap. 

“Prove it,” the challenge causes another wave of downright filthy thoughts to flood her brain and flush her body. 

“Answer my question first; why are you going to Washington?” “Do you know what I do for work?” his hand comes up to rub his jaw, fingers scraping over the stubble that has grown over the last few weeks. 

He doesn’t wait for her answer, “When people can’t get their hands dirty, they call Steve. Sometimes it’s extracting information or an asset, other times it’s not as nice and that’s where I come in. Since I handle the more sensitive side of things, it attracts some high-profile clients and that often means a business trip to Washington D.C.”

“So you’re a mercenary.”

“Freelance contractor is my official job title.”

“Good to know you’re in bed with the government. At least let me know when you decide to fuck a senator so I can sleep somewhere else.”

His eyebrows raise in surprise but quickly fade back into his smirk, “Already thinking about us sharing a bed?”

“No, I figured you slept in a coffin at night because you’re a soul-sucking vampire who’s only after money.”

His deep laughter fills the room and warms her cheeks among other body parts, “I’d bring in a bed to properly fuck you.”

“Look at who’s already thinking about us sleeping together and bold of you to assume you’d be doing the fucking,” rivaling his crass words is the only option at this point to maintain her dominance. 

“Oh please tell me how you plan on doing that.”

“You’ll have to wait for that. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have paperwork to file since you so rudely demanded I meet you in your office when I first got here,” uncrossing her legs and standing up, she’s praying to god her legs will keep her upright and that the horny bastard between her legs will chill out. 

“Can’t wait, Doll.”

_______________________________________________

“Motherfucker,” whispering to herself as her body refuses to relax after her meeting with James. Two hours later and she’s still staring at the same patient intake form. At this point, she won’t be able to get any work done and her mind can only come up with one way to release that thought. 

“No, no, no, no, nope. Not gonna happen,” she mutters before slamming her computer short and sitting back against her desk chair. 

She looks around the room for a second idea and her eyes land on the book she hasn’t touched since she moved in. Chloe Gong’s ‘These Violent Delights’, a book she had been excited to read, seems a little too on the nose with her current situation. Anthony always teased her about her book choices, claiming that she read too many ‘kid’ stories when she should be reading the classics and educational books. Her mom, on the other hand, had encouraged her to keep reading whatever she wanted and would happily buy whatever she wanted. That was the one thing she missed the most about her mom; the unconditional love and support. Her childhood hadn’t been the easiest, her mom repeatedly getting sober and then relapsing. She couldn’t blame the woman though considering the man Anthony was even if he wasn’t there for the first couple of years. 

Her mom rarely talked about what happened between her and Anthony but it was implied that she got knocked after a one-night stand, tried to run, bad people found her, and her dad didn’t exactly spring into action to help aside from suggesting a terrible name. Her mom had done what she could to make sure Doll was not involved in Anthony’s world at all. She didn’t even know that her dad was Anthony Stark until she was 10 and her mom dragged her to his Manhattan Apartment, begging him to take her. Pepper was the one to answer the door and agree, forming the initial impression that she was going to be an ally to Doll. She had been until she turned 15 and Anthony started paying more attention to her because of her excellent grades. 

“The prodigal daughter has returned,” is what he had told her after vowing to always protect her. Laughable now considering how he gave her up so easily and didn’t bother to return her texts in a timely fashion. 

Speaking of the devil, her phone alerts her to a new text that reads, 

“Walker claims he hasn’t talked to you since the fundraiser. Must be someone else. Have James look into it.” 

Completely destroying her phone is starting to seem like a good idea. Alas, she cannot because she’d have to set up a new phone and the whole process is just not one that she wants to deal with. Her mind is still preoccupied with the life or death decision of to booty call James and suffer his endless teasing or take one cold ass shower and hoping the cold restarts her system. 

The sound of men talking and the car door closing decides for her; cold shower it is. 

_______________________________________________

James had left about two days ago with a wink and an overdramatic ‘Goodbye Doll. Behave’ while Natasha rolled her eyes as they drove away. In their absence, Steve became her surrogate fiancé, either following her or sending other men out with her. On the days when Steve didn’t tail her like a stalker, she felt relief not suffocated but also upset from not having a certain soul-sucking vampire close by even through his friend. 

Today a large blonde with long hair and his lanky black-haired counterpart, Thor and Loki if she remembered correctly, was assigned to her. Neither man has said anything to her or even looked at her so it was more like two shadows hiding in the lobby of her office. They had tried to do a security sweep but she stopped them to remind them that it was the Stark Tower after all and there were men stationed everywhere. 

Leaving the two, she gets her keys out to open her office and instantly feels another presence in the room with her. A part of her is saying to scream out for Thor and Loki but the other part knows who has broken in. As she closes the door, her suspicions are confirmed when she spots John Walker sitting on her therapy couch, lounging like he owns the place. 

“What do you want?” she hisses. 

“For you to answer my messages.”

“Get out,” her fingers itch to grab the gun she normally keeps tucked close to her ribs but she solemnly remembers she decided against it this morning. 

“After you explain something to me,” metal flashes and he’s whipped out his own gun. 

“Sit”, he orders, pointing with the gun to the chair she usually sits at during appointments. 

“Don’t even think about grabbing yours, sweetheart. I’m much faster than you. Now explain to me why you haven’t been answering your phone.”

Silence will only get her so far in this situation but she decides to try her luck anyway. 

“Silent treatment, how mature?” his patience is starting to grow thin.

“I don’t think it was very nice of you to block me either. I had to get a new number and that was really inconvenient for me.”

She only nods her head, mouth in a straight line and jaw clenched. 

“And you know how I don’t like to be inconvenienced.” 

Again she nods. 

“Did your little boyfriend have anything to do with it?” No response. 

Suddenly he is up and over the top of her, forcing her back in the chair, “I was surprised when I heard you were engaged to him. He’s got quite a few years on you, not sure if he can keep up you. Or do you fake it and pretend to enjoy so you don’t hurt his feelings? I’m sure he would love to hear how much of a dirty slut you really are.”

“Oh please. You should be more concerned about the fact I faked it with you to get the fuck out. Your precious little ego can’t handle rejection and now you’re doing everything you can to fix it,” she can’t help but laugh at his failed attempt to scare her. 

“Would you like to try that again?” she can feel the cold metal against her neck. 

“Do you want me to spell it out for you? You’re terrible in bed so, I faked my orgasms so you’d get off and I could leave to find someone who would actually do the job. You are the epitome of toxic masculinity. Drop it and leave me alone. This is the last time I’m going to tell you.”

“Or what?” he shoves the gun into her neck harder, finger tensing on the trigger. She can barely see the revolver cylinder and nearly laughs at the game he wants to play.  

“I haven’t decided yet but I’m sure my fiancé would have some ideas once he sees the barrel marks on my neck,” he pulls the trigger and her eyes squeeze at the sound of it clicking to the next chamber. 

“Say stupid shit again and I can’t promise that the next chamber will be empty.”

Never one to follow instructions, she spits in his face. He flinches, dragging a hand over his face with a menacing look in his eye. He squeezes the trigger again and it clicks again. 

“You’ve only have 4 more tries, think about your next move carefully.”

“Your dick is small.”

“3 more. Do you really want to keep going?”

Shrugging her shoulders the best she can, “I don’t think you have it in you to shoot me.”

This time he pulls the trigger twice, both times clicking to show that her sixth chance will have been her final one. 

“Start answering my messages and I won’t have to come and visit you at work, sweetheart,” he stands and leaves the office without another word. The alarmed voices of the men outside invade her office and in seconds Thor and Loki come barging in. Thor is the one to check her over for any injuries while Loki speaks in a hushed voice on the phone, more than likely calling Steve. 

Loki motions to Thor to join him on the other side of the room, leaving her alone with her thoughts and an aching neck. The shock starts to sit in and her body betrays her, going cold and trembling. She can’t hear whatever the men are saying but she can only assume that Steve will be there in moments and will no doubt be furious. 

What feels like seconds later, Steve is storming through the door, barking orders, and crouching down to her eye level. 

“Hey, we’ve got to get you out of here and somewhere safe. Let’s go,” he grabs her hand, pulling her out of the chair to usher her out of the office. She allows him to tuck her into his side, wrapping a protective arm around her shoulders as he leads her through the building. The entirety of Stark Tower has gone into full alert mode, all personnel are on the hunt for John. They pass by everyone without a word and exit the building of chaos behind them. In the haze of shock, she barely registers that Steve has gotten her inside the SUV or that he’s been on the phone, trying to calm down whoever is on the other line. 

The last thing she remembers is the surprised look on Steve’s face as she slumps forward and faints.

[bossbeader]

Mlp inspired Kandi bracelets🌈🦄

I’ve got mlp inspired Kandi bracelets up on my shop lovelies! I’ll add more characters soon, so stay on the lookout! When I’ve added more, I’ll reblog this post, and attach pictures of others I’ve added. If you have any further questions, feel free to message me and ask!

❗️DISCLAIMER: I own absolutely nothing expect for the patterns/designs of these bracelets. All rights go to their respective owners.

♡ADDED MORE♡

[preciadosbass]

20/8/24 [4X DIYS — draft from yesterday, key + significant photos at end]

nobody asked, but regarding yesterdays journal - i actually went to sleep at 3 because i got distracted with patrick stump gifs. i was supposed to just be looking for a few blue coloured ones [raa having a colour themed blog is so annoying // there’s so many cute gifs of musicians that aren’t blue/black and i cant change the colour and therefor cant use them =(] but lost track of time. meaning i was absolutely exhausted when i woke up [8:30]

after waking up, i went outside to say goodmorning to boris and scrolled on scenemo/alt diy tiktoks until i got a message from N ‘apologising’ for yesterday. i say ‘apologising’ because i know they didn’t mean it, and they also said they deleted the photos of me immediately. which isn’t true as i saw them press the send button and then put their phone away. they wouldn’t have had time to delete them before whoever saw them, saw them. this means my mum has told her mum, which i’m super embarrassed about. i don’t like people knowing i’m upset about anything they’ve done/someone they know has done. i’m just still worried about it because i know those photos looked so bad and they sent them to so many people. and now, it dosent matter if they get rid of them because whoever those people were have already seen them. i’m so humiliated.

anyway, i carried on scrolling on scenemo/alt diytok until 10:40 when i finally got dressed while listening to my sleeping with sirens live cd. today i wore my purple asking alexandria shirt, a pair of striped purple and black tights, blue ripped shorts, knee high converse, my my chemical romance [danger days] zip up hoodie, my can tab bracelet, a falling in reverse bracelet, and dark blue skull bracelet, a two row studded cuff, diy kandi + elastic bracelet, sleeping with sirens and panic! at the disco bracelet, and last but not least a spiked kandi cuff. [photos at end]. i haven’t made kandi jewellery in a while because i’ve run out of beads, but once i start seeing my other prevision again, i’ll buy some more. today i’m going to reptile experience/possibly going on a long car ride with my dad so i can listen to music full blast without worrying about anyone hearing.

i couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that there’s stupid photos/videos of me going around to strangers. i know it seems like i’m overreacting, but having photos taken of me is such a big deal in my mind and this whole situation makes me feel like the world is ending. i hate seeing my own face and knowing that other people do aswell. the thought itself disgusts me, i only like pictures of my outfit and sometimes that’s too much. after getting dressed, i did my hair and then went outside with boris at 11:20. the weather was being weird and one second it was boiling hot, and the other freezing. but that’s just the uk for you.

i stayed with him until 11:50 when me and my mum left to go out. boris has started meowing everytime i come out to see him and it’s really really cute. i also took a few videos of him before getting in the car. on the way to reptile experience, i listened to early fall out boy + american beauty/american psycho fall out boy, and a little bit of letterbox tradgedy. when we arrived, everyone was having their lunch so i went into the reptile room and said hi to boris #2 [the bearded dragon] and the other visible animals. i also took a few photos of various animals to put in this journal/this weeks recap [photos at end]. along with observing all the other stuff in the room, like the stuff for the horses/ponies.

once everyone in the other room had finished their food, me and my mum went out to the kitchen/sofa area where the rodents live. S [the lead crew member, she’s lovely], put out some ripped up pieces of newspaper and treats for rat enrichment and set all 4 on the table everyone was sat around. we were told not to pick them up [i think it’s because everyone apart from me was really young and rough with the animals], and just let them come to you. i watched as they had their snacks and scurried around the table and sofa that was just by where i was sat.

three came up to me all at once and hoarded around my bracelets. S said it was due to the shininess of the can tab one, and maybe the smell. i let the rats crawl over my arm/lap/wrist and took a few photos. while doing so one in particular kept on sniffing my phone camera lens so the videos look really silly XD — i took a few bits of the newspaper for an upcoming collage as i found a few paragraphs of writing about true crime and that’s one of my interests. [this feels weird to write, i just find the psychology aspect of it interesting]. once the rats were put away and the enrichment was cleaned up, S & A [the other crew member, the one that makes me feel sick of jealousy due to his looks etc] took out pinecones, some lard, and some birdseed.

i already knew what was coming so i moved my bracelets further up my arm and tied bits of string to a few secreted pinecones. we were then told that we were making bird feeders. i covered the pinecones in lard and then rolled it in a sunflower seed based mix as it had the darkest colours. i made five as S said i could make two for the farmer’s gate and three to take home, yipee // once i was done, i looked at a few of the drawings on the wall. a lot of them were illustrations of five nights at freddy’s animatronics. which gave me an idea to also draw animatronics on small bits of card and line them wherever there’s an empty part of my wall. at 1:40, we walked round to the farmer’s gate and hung the pinecones around the wood. [picture at end] S gave me two that had already been made by various people attending, so when we went back round to the buildings and it was time to leave i got to take home the five that id made!! we headed for home at 2:11 after thanking all the workers. on the way back i stopped off to get low cal boba [photo at end cuz it looks just as good as it was]

in the car, i sorted through the photos taken there into an instagram collage to add to the end of this journal + my weekly recap. [photo collages at end]. i also listened to quite a lot of panic! at the disco’s vices and virtues. we [me and my mum] arrived home at 3:20. i didn’t end up doing for the drive with my dad because it would’ve been around 7 hours in the car, and that’s too long for me to be away from boris in the car unless i’m going away. and even that’s a stretch. i stayed outside with boris until 3:50 when i decided i’m going to put up my bird feeder. i took the pinecones outside and called my mum out to try and work out where i should hang them/what i should hang them from. my mum spawned this plant holder thingy and asked me if it’d be any good. i didn’t have another option and it was an alright improvisation so i went into my room to work out what part of the garden’s bank i can see from through my window.

once i’d worked out a suitable place for it to go, i brought it up to the bank and supported the legs with a few bits of scrap wood planks. then i hung the five pinecones along the frame of the flowerpot part. [photo at end] i finished within -10 minutes and then went back inside to my room. when i first got in, i took my stuff out of my bag to give my dad his battery pack and accidentally got scrap bits of purple-like wood all over my bed. id snapped them up yesterday while at the creek for an idea i had. i thought i might aswell make it now, so collected them off my blanket and got my hot glue gun ready. the idea was to glue them around the metal tin that a candle rests in. which is stupid, because this particular wood is the most flammable in the uk so i most likely wouldn’t even be able to burn it. anyway, i collected a few more bits of stick from the garden and lined them around the tin. i finished at 4:30 and took a few pictures of the finished product. [photo at end]

once again, something else useless i settled on making, but at least it looks cute. i watched two youtube videos :[the rest of ‘Q&A time !!! :D’ by nico vamp, ‘a day in the life | fake 🩸 + pictures’ by maya malice, and then almost two more videos from the same youtuber [[‘a day in the life + randumness :3’, & ‘my problem with scenecore’.]] while listening to the last video listed, i made a collage with receipts from charity shopping on thursday + the bits of newspaper i collected today. i hid a secret message in there [its just ‘meow’, photo at the end] and put together the word ‘empierces.’ which means to pierce. get it? like pierce the veil? anyone?? [photo at end — finished at 6:35]

then i listened to the entirety of falling in reverse’s new album [again] — while doing so, i drew lolbit, RWQFSFASXC, and the puppet from five nights at freddy’s on some card. i put it along the side of my doorframe beside pictures of kellin quinn and pete wentz. [theyre so bad you don’t get a photo] then i went outside with boris at 7:35. he was being his usual polite and cute self and i could also tell he was very happy because he was dribbling at ton xp // he let himself in at 7:50 so i didn’t get to spend much time with him on the driveway, but i followed him inside, checked he had food, and wrote 4 paragraphs from this journal. after finishing that little bit of writing, i saw frank iero’s new instagram post + story like WTF IS GOING ON I FREAKED OUT. LIKE WHATS HAPPENING AT MIDNIGHT FRANK?? i went to see him [boris] again at 10 after looking through scenemo/alt tiktok and letting my phone charge a little.

he stayed out with him my for barely any time before he let himself inside to eat. i came inside with him, and during this one of my cousins pulled up to our house as he got me some of my safe food because otherwise i won’t have anything at all to eat tomorrow and it’ll be really easy to faint if the weather isn’t perfect. him and my mum spoke about the holiday that me and my immediate + extended family are going to. he left at 10:45 and then i had a bath. i usually don’t mention washing [etc] as it’s a boring thing to write about/the same everytime. its not like with the questions about boris or when i wake up because that changes. i’m just mentioning it today as there’s nothing i can fill in the spaces of this journal with.

then i collected a few green day [billie joe armstrong] gifs and went up to my sisters room because i swore she was playing the hello zepp saw themetune on keyboard. it turned out she was, i watched her play it and then came back downstairs again. while i was on the sofa, she started playing something else and asked me if i recognised it. it was numb by linkin park, but i got it to confused with another song of theirs that sounds similar at the start. i went up because she wanted me to watch her play it and she followed on the song with ‘centuries’ by fall out boy.

after she’d finished, i went back downstairs to get myself some icy water, speak to boris, and then do my teeth before having a nap. i put on a timer for 10 minutes because i said i’d check up on him every once in a while but when i woke up it was bright outside and my phone was in the same place i left it before my nap. it turned out i never woke up and never got to say goodnight to boris so i freaked out when i realised. i would’ve gone to sleep at 1.

🗝️ — boris/my cat, prevision/keyworker i have to see instead of being taken back into mainstream education, questions about boris/i ask my parents questions about my cat to verify he's okay + will be okay in the morning. its a compulsive thing and i'm hopefully going to be tested for OCD in the future.

[victory-cookies]

yknow bad mood cancelled. I’m so fucking excited for set it off

[timeagainreviews]

Up the Killjoys!

Growing up in a flyover state, I got used to missing out on a lot of events. Bands would skip the City of Fountains in favour of St Louis or Denver. Road trips were necessities among my friends. When David Lynch’s Inland Empire came to theatres, I was already saving up for the trip to Denver. I had never seen a new David Lynch film in the theatre, and I wasn’t going to miss my opportunity. You can imagine my relief when a tiny ad in the local paper announced Inland Empire would be playing at the local arthouse for one week. In my excitement, I may have overdone it. Over the course of that week, I saw that impenetrable enigma of a three-hour film three times! A bit much, I know, but give me a break. I was in my twenties and used words like “cinema.” It’s ironic then, that watching the Criterion Collection’s recent digital upscaling of the film on my laptop helped me connect with the movie on a deeper level than three viewings on the big screen could manage.

There are purists out there who say that digital upgrades of old material are blasphemy. The Star Wars special editions remain a sore spot among old people like myself who wish they would continue offering the original versions. But in the case of Doctor Who, these digital updates can help stories rise to the greatness of their writing. While the quaint effects of classic Doctor Who are charming, they can also be distracting. Simply put, “Snakedance,” is far more engrossing when the snake doesn’t look like shit. I can suspend my disbelief, but I connect to the material so much more when it’s not necessary. “The Happiness Patrol,” is one of the latest stories to receive such an upgrade, and it’s the one I’ve been most anticipating. If ever there were a story that could benefit from widening its scope, it’s this one.

The “Doctor Who: The Collection,” series has been a must-buy for me. I’m not being a shill, it’s simply the truth. They announce them, I pre-order them. However, season 25 is a unique moment in the collection as it marks the Seventh Doctor era as the first completed era of a single Doctor. It would have been Colin Baker, but “The Twin Dilemma,” remains unreleased as it was still a part of season 21. It’s not surprising that Seven’s time in the TARDIS should be the first completed. It’s only three seasons, and it’s also very beloved. Many consider the Seventh Doctor era as a turning point, where Andrew Cartmel’s role as script editor started to pay off. Although the show was never able to regain the audience numbers lost during the hiatus of 1985, the show was something of its old self again.

Despite the reappraisal of the Seventh Doctor era, “The Happiness Patrol,” remains controversial among fans of the fuddy-duddy variety. Alright, maybe some of them have a point. After all, I did say I was anticipating this release, and not without reason. Three of the most common complaints revolve around the poor use of soundstages, the Kandy Man, and the Pipe People, in that order from most egregious to a minor quibble. It’s lucky then that the soundstages get the most attention, which lends credence to the other two.

As settings go, Terra Alpha is like many other Doctor Who planets- an entire planet with a theme and one language and government (other than the native Pipe People, of course). However, we receive very little in the way of establishing shots. There are no scale models of the city, no model of the planet itself. Instead, we open on soundstage dressed to look like a city street at night. Were it not for the street lamp, you could be excused for mistaking this as an indoor location. While it may have looked acceptable on a 1988 television, on Blu-ray, the illusion is lost. However, through the miracle of digital compositing, the new special edition opens up the skyline a bit. So when the camera pans down from the neon-signed horizon to the street level, it feels like a natural extension of a cramped city. The geography of Terra Alpha demands to be understood better as it can be rather confusing with little to no establishing shots. Even still, there are moments where the city feels shunted together. There’s even a moment where Ace casually wanders into the Kandy Man’s “Kandy Kitchen,” laboratory because why not? Why would a totalitarian regime lock the doors of its evil torture lab?

The government of Terra Alpha has outlawed feelings such as grief and anguish in favour of happiness and smug superiority. Led by a Thatcher cypher named Helen A, the Happiness Patrol roam the streets in golf carts whilst armed to the teeth with pink weaponry matching their hair and uniform. Nothing and no one is allowed to be blue, not even the TARDIS which they partially paint pink to bring it up to code. People vanish after Routine Disappearances where undercover agents pose as sympathetic ears to the plights of the downtrodden citizens of Terra Alpha. Muzak pours from tannoys on every corner in an attempt to liven up the city with cheeriness. The effect, however, feels more like Eraserhead or Auschwitz, where music fails to cover up the misery and danger permeating the atmosphere. Despite all of this, a resistance pocket of Killjoys put on demonstrations protesting the forced frivolity. Cutting through all of that muzak is the soulful harmonica of Earl Sigma, an outsider turned reluctant resident. As a visitor to Terra Alpha, Earl is given the designation of Sigma to indicate his outsider status.

Speaking of outsiders, the Doctor and Ace are questioned upon arrival due to their lack of badges. They’re designated Sigmas and told to stay within visitor boundaries, but the Doctor presses the matter of their lack of documentation as a means to get captured. I rather liked watching the Seventh Doctor purposely getting himself arrested. While McCoy’s portrayal as the Doctor in season 24 was whimsical and clownish, season 25 introduces a more Machiavellian side to the Seventh Doctor which lends him a far more nuanced quality than a man who purposely hangs himself off a catwalk from his umbrella. Now I say arrested, but nobody is actually arrested on Terra Alpha as there are no jails. At least, not by their definition. This is the waiting area. Don’t let the armed guard or the booby-trapped escape vehicle fool you.

Wordplay is a key aspect to Graeme Curry’s script. The Happiness Patrol finds inventive ways to redefine the world using language. It’s a chilling reminder of the ways our own government can redefine what a person is, what legal immigration looks like, or even where a country's borders begin and end. It’s impossible to get ahead when they keep moving the goalposts. Throughout Terra Alpha, Helen A’s propaganda can be seen far and wide. She transmits video feeds addressing the city directly through fruit machines with “jokes,” meant to undermine and dehumanise Killjoys. What is a Killjoy exactly? Well, anyone who disagrees with Helen A’s myopic view of the world. Anyone who might make Helen A feel sadness. Anyone who might make Helen A feel alone. Anyone who might make her question her moral code. While Curry’s messaging isn’t exactly subtle, it never winks and nods at itself. It strikes a balance of obviousness without insulting the viewer’s intelligence. Instead, Curry saves the groan-inducing dialogue for puns, of which there are many.

While in holding, the Doctor and Ace witness a public execution of a Killjoy. Some sources have claimed that the executed Killjoy is a queer-coded individual, but I fail to see it. I’ve seen people claim he is wearing a pink triangle, but thanks to the miracle of 4K digital restoration, you can see that the pink triangle is actually the result of a pink shirt under a partially zipped jacket. The only other pink triangles are the flags hanging from the cheery bunting. Don’t let me yuck your yum though. If you prefer the gay allegory, don’t let me stop you. What’s super weird about this scene, however, is the means by which the man is executed. A large metal tube is lowered over the man’s body and a deluge of liquid strawberry fondant pours into the chamber. It’s hard to tell what exactly kills him here. Does he drown in the fondant? Was the liquid scalding hot? Was it diabetes? It’s not entirely clear, but it is most definitely bizarre.

Bizarre and surreal are two words I would use to describe this serial. Perhaps the most surreal aspect at the chewy centre of this story is the Kandy Man himself. Full disclosure, but the first time I watched the Happiness Patrol, I had a hard time with the Kandy Man as a concept. I didn’t mind that he looks like Bertie Bassett as it fits Helen A’s bizarro brand of cloying cuteness, but the fact that he is made out of actual candy is baffling. Sure it’s weird to make a kill bot that looks like candy, but using actual candy is just poor craftsmanship. Call me crazy, but I feel like one of the first rules of building a robot is that its components should be non-perishable. They do mention the sugar beet fields of Terra Alpha. Perhaps sugar is easier to source than metal? No, there’s metal everywhere in the city. It’s just weird.

The Kandy Man’s body does seem to have a bit of reasoning to it. Gilbert, the Kandy Man’s assistant/creator mentions that the Kandy Man must keep moving or he will solidify. It seems like a design defect, but it really just makes Kandy Man more relatable. I too turn into a brick of toffee when I become too sedentary. What’s that? He’s also a moody artist forced by the government to use his talents for evil? Literally me. It reminds me a bit of how our own bodies are constantly warding off disease and decay. In a way, it makes the Kandy Man more than a machine, but something living. That and his human mouth painted blue which I had never noticed before seeing it in hi-def. Thanks to the Blu-ray upgrade, you can see the Kandy Man’s metal grill as clearly as Ace’s Batman earrings.

After watching their fellow non-cellmate get murdered by Helen A, the Doctor and Ace defuse the armed golf cart and escape. However, during the chase, Ace and the Doctor are separated. The Doctor is almost caught by an undercover agent named Silas P of the Happiness Patrol only to be rescued by Earl Sigma who knocks Silas P unconscious. When the patrol find their way to Silas’ whistle, they assume he’s the target and kill him, reminding the viewer that there is no safety under fascism. There is no way to be the perfect citizen. We will always fall short of unreasonable expectations– even you. Free from immediate danger, the Doctor and Earl make their way to even more danger. The Doctor wishes to find the Kandy Kitchen so that he may confront this confit hatchetman. Meanwhile, Ace ingratiates herself with a sympathetic member of the Happiness Patrol- Susan Q.

Susan Q, or Suzie Q as I like to call her, is disillusioned by Helen A’s vision for Terra Alpha, illustrating how even the converted can see the cracks forming. She was even demoted from Susan L to Susan Q after she was caught owning a blues record. She didn’t revel in the shooting of civilians and she expressed sympathy for the Killjoys. Because of this, she attempts to help Ace with her Happiness Patrol auditions, lest she becomes the next victim of the Kandy Man’s fondant surprise. Upon realising Ace couldn’t fake happy even when her life depended on it, Susan allows Ace to escape, thus endangering her own life. We stan Suzie Q in this house. She’s a good one, our Suze.

The Doctor and Earl get captured almost immediately. Gilbert and the Kandy Man tie them up in barber chairs in preparation for experimentation. The Doctor questions the Kandy Man and learns that the fondant tubes can be redirected. Remember how I said it’s weird that the Kandy Man is made of real candy? I believe this scene is why. You see, to trap the Kandy Man, the Doctor tricks him into knocking a bottle of lemonade to the floor. As the lemonade mixes with Kandy Man’s sugary feet, he’s locked into place and unable to move. The Doctor and Earl use this as an opportunity to escape into the underground of the city. The Kandy Man can only call out to Gilbert to come and set him free.

I’ve heard that the scenes within the Kandy Kitchen were originally supposed to be black and white with the Kandy Man in colour. Think Pleasantville but with a killer candy robot. However, the effect was scrapped most likely due to the limitations of technology and/or budget. You can see the concept of the idea in the black and white painted backgrounds which evoke a sort of “The Cabinet of Dr Caligari,” vibe. Part of me was hoping they would attempt this effect with the special edition, but I understand why they didn’t. It probably would have upset more people than it would have made happy. Even still, it could have been a cool extra to throw in.

As special editions go, the Doctor Who upgrades are usually very clever. While they do occasionally take a perfectly serviceable model shot and render it into an unnecessary CGI shot, they usually make good decisions. You younger people won’t really get this, but there was a time when special effects in television changed dramatically. After Jim Henson realised you could use latex skin over an animatronic to achieve Yoda, the industry standard for puppets and makeup changed overnight. Ten years later you started to see aliens and monsters in Doctor Who that were starting to look fairly believable. Sure, the concept of the Kandy Man is weird, but he never doesn’t look like a robot made of candy. And while not the most impressive puppet, Helen A’s pet Stigorax “Fifi,” was completely serviceable. Even the Pipe People look great. This is all to say, I am glad they didn’t try and change things for the sake of changing them.

While traversing the underground, the Doctor and Earl discovered Chekov’s sugar avalanche built up in the pipe. One wrong toot on Earl’s harmonica (Do you toot harmonicas?) and it could all come pouring down. They also meet the Pipe People who realise fairly quickly that they are allies through a mutual love of the blues and Ace. Throughout the story, the Pipe People do a lot of spying from manholes. Ultimately, however, they do very little. They’re a bit of an afterthought. While I do like their makeup, I totally forgot they were even in this story until they showed up. This is a fairly common complaint about them as many people forget about them. I chalk this up to Andrew Cartmel’s inexperience as a script editor. The Pipe People could just as easily have been rolled into the Killjoys for as much development as they get. I understand Graeme Curry’s desire to introduce a native species to Terra Alpha, but for as much impact as the Pipe People leave on the story, they may as well have saved the money from the makeup budget and put it into building better sets. However, they have a handful of fun moments like when they think Ace’s name is Gordon Bennett or when they orchestrate the Kandy Man’s death.

Sadly, one aspect of soundstage that can’t be improved with CGI is the frequency at which they reuse locations. Had they been able to shoot a story on location, they could have found numerous spots and angles to keep things fresh. Instead, the story reverts to a lot of the Doctor or Ace getting captured and escaping. It all sort of starts to blend together. It’s weird because they have to be so economical with the shortened time of a three-parter, and yet they have to keep coming up with new reasons to reuse a set. It’s possibly one of the messiest aspects of the story. The only workaround I can see if if they had scouted a location to stand in as Terra Alpha’s streets while maintaining the interiors on a soundstage. That or do a different story all together. But then we wouldn’t have this unique adventure.

The Pipe People help Ace escape, once again. Oh, did I not mention Ace got captured again? Only this time in the waiting zone, Ace is joined by Susan who has been discovered as a sympathiser. Their cruel jailor, the sadistic Pricilla P relishes the idea of their upcoming executions. Ace is sprung out of jail by one of the Pipe People and she absconds to the underground, sadly leaving Susan Q behind. But don’t worry, Ace is going to get captured again. I know you were concerned about that.

At this point, the story is all over the place. Helen A sends Fifi into the tunnels to hunt down the rebellion while the Doctor meets a census taker named Trevor Sigma. Because, sure, why not? The scenes between the Doctor and Trevor, while entertaining, are another addition to an already overstuffed story. I even took an inventory of the characters with my boyfriend and he had completely forgotten the existence of Trevor after having seen the story only two days prior. The Doctor then takes another excursion to stop a pair of snipers from taking fire on a group of Killjoys. It’s odd because the story is already experiencing bloat but I wouldn’t delete this scene for a few reasons. Firstly, it’s actually on theme. The Doctor is taking the time to humanise the dehumanised by closing the gap between sniper and target. It’s easy to take a life from a distance, but can he shoot the Doctor at point-blank range? It’s also great because it’s such a badass moment for Sylvester McCoy. There’s something about the Doctor begging to be annihilated that just gets my jollies. It’s truly one of his coolest moments as the Doctor. And lastly, at least they’re shooting a different set, or at least another angle of the same set. I’ll take a win when I can!

Ace stops Fifi with Nitro 9 only for Fifi to die later by sugar avalanche. It’s an odd choice when you consider the fact that they could have killed her with the Nitro 9 and left out the entire avalanche aspect altogether. I get that it’s a cool idea for Earl to resonate the sugar crystals until it caves in, but maybe pick one? I will say they did a good job on the puppeteering of Fifi running. I did giggle a bit at the way it was shot. They use such a wide angle that it makes Fifi appear very small inside that giant pipe. It undercuts her ferocity when you’re like “Awww puppy!” Maybe they were going for more of a scurrying look than a lurching look. Either way, I love Fifi’s mournful howl. I like that it evokes wolves or cats, but also sounds like its own creature looming in the distance.

Sheila Hancock dazzles as the contemptibly cheery Helen A. In just three short episodes, she sells herself as one of the 7th Doctor’s most memorable enemies. And as he would say- "You can always judge a man by the quality of his enemies." Doctor Who has had its fair share of evil men and women giving edicts from behind a desk, but there’s something about Helen A that sticks with you. She’s up there with Graham Crowden, Beatrix Lehmann, and Trevor Baxter - single-story actors who leave their mark in big ways. I love a Classic Doctor Who actor who throws themselves into their role. She’s having fun, and by extension, so are we. I also like that Helen A appears to be the only one allowed to wear red. That’s toxic girlboss energy and I love that for her.

Having the Doctor waltz into Helen A’s office is an unexpected pleasure. I like the way the Doctor is playing with the artifice that is Helen A’s rule. There are no prisoners on Terra Alpha. Why wouldn’t the Doctor be allowed in Helen A’s office? She has nothing to hide, after all. And he’s not an enemy of the state. All is well! Eat sugar, paint yourself pink, and carry on. The Doctor also learns of Helen A’s soft spot for Fifi. This somewhat ties back to my comments about Nitro 9 vs Sugar Avalanche. They establish Helen A’s love for Fifi to both the audience and the Doctor on numerous occasions. I may be wrong, but Helen A’s doting over a wounded Fifi undercuts her shock over Fifi’s death. I find it hard to believe she would send Fifi out again after such a close call. Then again, Helen A probably doesn’t love Fifi more than she loves herself. One thing I did find interesting about Fifi's bandages is that they seem to heal her. I wondered if these weren't maybe the same healing bandages the First Doctor wore in "The Edge of Destruction."

Having helped Ace escape, Susan Q is sentenced to death by fondant surprise but the Doctor stops the execution by trapping the Kandy Man with lemonade yet again. Worried that his insides will solidify into toffee, the Kandy Man releases Susan from her sticky fate. Once again, I am baffled by the Kandy Man’s design. He’s like one of those fish that stops breathing when it stops swimming. Or maybe it’s like how God gave me combined ADHD because he knew I would be too powerful without it. Gilbert’s little failsafe he built into the Kandy Man just in case he ever reached beyond his station. The Doctor unfreezes the Kandy Man and the Kandy Man stays true to his word and spares both Ace and Susan. What a day everyone is having.

One of the strengths of Graeme Curry’s script is that he’s able to keep all of these different balls in the air, with set-up and call-backs repeatedly paying off. Sure, there are moments when the Doctor feels like he is teleported from one location to the next, but everything has its place. Take Trevor Sigma, for example. I mentioned earlier that he’s yet another element in a fairly stacked narrative, but he turns out to be one of the most pivotal characters in the entire story. Due to his thorough census, there is now a paper trail for every person Helen A has disappeared. The holes where they used to exist paint the real portrait of a murderous despot. The paintings of Helen A plastering Terra Alpha are but a facade on her factory of death.

The death of the Kandy Man, brought on by a truly surprising wave of fondant, is the beginning of the end for Helen A. The remains of the Kandy Man flush down the tube like a blasting cap in sugar water. She had the sugar, the power, and the women, but she lost it all. What’s worse is those bloody Killjoys learned to beat her at her own game by adding cheeriness to their demonstrations. The Doctor, Earl, and the rest of the Killjoys disrupt Ace’s sure-to-be-fatal audition at the Forum with a public outcry of joy and merriment. Rubbing salt in her wounds, Helen A’s husband Joseph C and Gilbert M have stolen her ship presumably to open a bed and breakfast. I wish them both many years of happiness together. With uprisings all over Terra Alpha breaking out, the walls are closing in for Helen so she begins packing. However, while absconding, she is stopped cold by her beloved pet Fifi. Cradling her in her arms, Helen grieves while the rest of Terra Alpha laughs.

The special edition's ending differs from the original broadcast version's ending in a very simple yet effective way. As the TARDIS dematerialises, the camera now pans up to a neon sign that says “Keep smiling,” which then goes dark, implying the end of Helen A’s reign and the Happiness Patrol’s stranglehold on Terra Alpha. It’s such a better ending and so on theme that I don’t even care that the font they chose looks like it says “Keep sniling.” It’s a great example of how digital compositing can be more than set extensions. They don’t shy from making creative choices. The term “LOL,” was not heavily used in the 80’s, but having a sign that says “LOL POPS” makes the story feel retroactively modern, which feels wibbly wobbly timey wimey. And if you don’t like that, then just chalk it up to a burned-out “I” in “lolipops.” And then chalk it up to the signmaker not knowing how to spell lollipops. Maybe it’s the same guy who made the “Keep sniling,” sign.

If you’re a fan of the Seventh Doctor era, you owe it to yourself to check out this boxed set. It’s worth it for the special edition of “The Happiness Patrol” alone. Sure, sometimes the digital effects sit weird next to the video footage of 80’s Doctor Who, but you’ll soon forget that distraction a lot sooner than you would forget the distractingly tiny sets. It’s obvious this was a labour of love. They went big on this one and I appreciate them for that. But the real heroes are the original cast and crew for finding such an entertaining way to deliver some hard truths. Politicians who smile while stripping you of your rights are as relevant today as ever. It’s important for us that fiction be allowed to explore concepts like dehumanisation. If our politicians have more enemies than policies, maybe they’re only out for their own selfish means. No matter what happens, we all have to find our own happiness. Stay safe, and keep sniling.

[multiplicity-positivity]

I’ve got a friend who recently developed a headmate (most likely traumagenically), and said headmate takes on the form of a specific VRChat avatar they use a lot when playing the game. The problem is, the avatar looks extremely different from the friend’s physical body, and the headmate has recently been getting these really strong “this isn’t my body” feeling of wrong-ness. Would you have any tips, advice, etc. to help the headmate feel more comfortable when fronting?

hey, at this point no one in our system really identifies with our body, so we totally understand what this headmate is going through. there’s lots of things you can do to change your physical appearance, even temporarily. we’re not sure what their vrchat avatar looks like, but here’s some ideas for how headmates can gain a little personal autonomy and control over their appearance:

clothes - they can keep an eye out at their local thrift stores for clothes and/or jewelry that matches or are somewhat close to what they look like/wear inside. with tutorials online, they could maybe sew together some clothes or make some jewelry if what they wear is super specific/unlikely to be found in a store. they could also consider buying a wig, though keep in mind the cheaper the wig the lower quality it will be (so harder to style and maintain and more uncomfortable to wear for a long time).

phantom limbs - they can buy or make wings, tails, ears, horns, or other body parts that their body doesn’t have. costume shops are pretty good for these sorts of things, and etsy usually has a decent selection. again, online tutorials could help if they’re keen to make their own items, and they can get creative with sewing and paper maché to try and craft the body parts they’re missing.

makeup - they can use makeup to either try and look as close to their avatar as possible, or to create a look inspired by the avatar they look like. even just some eyeliner can go a long way in changing how a face looks. if their avatar has claws/talons/sharp nails, they could also try painting and shaping their finger nails.

mannerisms - they can observe how they carry themself and try to make adjustments so that they behave and present more like their avatar/source. posture, gestures, how they walk, and other movements can be practiced until they are acting more in line with their avatar when they’re fronting.

also, unrelated to changing characteristics, it might help this headmate if they try to view their body as a vessel that they pilot, rather than who they are physically. that’s how most of us view our body, and that’s why we call ourselves the halberd crew. halberd is the name of our body, and we are all crew members working to pilot and maintain it. it works for us, especially those of us with theriotypes that can’t really translate into our physical lives at all.

hopefully this is enough to get this headmate started with feeling more comfortable when fronting. and of course, if any of our followers have advice on relieving body dysphoria (whether gender or species or something else) you’re welcome to share :)

🐢 kip and 🦇 kandi