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solar-bean · 4 years ago

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Shirou's Secret :

Shirou Ogami x Human Reader

( reader might be slightly oc )

For as long as you can remember you've been fascinated by beastmen. This was most likely due to your love of animals and curious nature. It became a habit of you annoying adults with all of your questions.

" Teacher, why don't we learn about beastmen?"

" Mr. Zookeeper, do elephants and elephant beastmen eat the same kind of food?"

" Ms. Librarian, why are all the books about beastmen so mean?"

You were normally met with a prejudice and ignorance that you didn't understand. Your mother was the only one who ever bothered to give you an unbiased answer. But even she didn't know everything.

Then you met Izumi. A snow leopard beastmen. You were both only eight at the time when you found her hiding under a playground set. Izumi was understandably afraid of you while you were the exact opposite. Soon you two became the best of friends.

Until the incident happened.

The same event that was playing over and over again in your mind as Shirou's body covered yours. His fur stained with blood from the multiple bullet wounds in his chest.

" S-shioru..." you whispered.

" Izumi!! "

" ..s-shirou..." your trembling hands clutched his shoulders, too afraid to nudge him off of you.

" Izumi!!!!! "

It all came back to you at once. The screams. The smell of blood. The pain. You couldn't feel anything but the pain in your head and the fabric of Shirou's coat.

" ..I...."

You heard a familiar deep voice, snapping you back to the present.

" I'm ok Y/n. "

Your vision focused on Shirou and your eyes widened. He was....he was healed! How?!

Before you could question it any further Michiru appeared to check on you both. That's right. Now you remembered. You were helping Shirou with a case when you were ambushed. It was suppose to be safe. At least safe enough to bring you along but apparently it wasn't.

" Y/n?" asked Koichi from the front seat of the mayor's car.

You came out of your daze once again. It seemed like it had been mere seconds since the mayor arrived with the police, questioned Shirou and Michiru then offered to escort you all home. The only thing you didn't vaguely recall was Shirou telling her " They know. " Except you weren't exactly sure what you knew or what happened at all.

" Yes Mr. Ishizaki?"

" I asked if you wanted us to take you home."

You were in front of Shirou and Michiru's place. They were already out of the car, watching you.

" No I'm not far from here. I can walk. "

As the car drove off you turned to Shirou and Michiru. You were all silent. They looked like they wanted to tell you something but you couldn't bare it. You had to get home now before your emotions fully took over. So you waved goodbye and started in the direction to your apartment.

" Y/n."

You stopped.

" Please we need to talk."

You stuffed your hands in your pockets so that they wouldn't see your shaking fists.

" If it's about what I saw don't worry. I'll forget it ever happened."

You began to leave again but Shirou grabbed your wrist.

" Y/n just let me explain."

" You don't have to explain anything! Just-" Your stopped before your voice cracked, tears threatening to fall. " Just please let me go home. We can talk about this tomorrow if it's so important."

He sighed as if to calm himself down. His hand slid from your wrist into your palm.

" It is important," his voice was low, almost a whisper. " That's why I have to tell you now."

You still didn't face him. You did your best to focus on anything to distract you from crying. His warm hand gently squeezing yours almost did the trick. Then you felt another hand on your shoulder. It was Michiru.

" Hey everything's gonna be alright. If you come inside I'll make you some tea. Would you like that?"

You wiped a few strands of tears.

" Y-yeah...yeah I'd like that."

-----

Before long you were sitting on the edge of Shirou's bed. Tea half drunk and now room temperature but still soothing all the same. Shirou sat on a chair that he moved in front of you. He made sure to still keep enough space between you so that you could breathe.

He wasn't always this considerate of your feelings. Your relationship started off rocky because of his hatred for humans, even though it had been lessened thanks to Michiru. But over time he saw how genuine you were about helping beastmen as an avid activist for beastmen rights.

Not only that but you were overjoyed by every new thing you saw, heard, ate, learned and even smelled in Anima City. You somehow made friends with just about every new beastmen you came across. You had this talent of lifting their spirits and making them feel comfortable around you as a human. Sure there were those who tried to harm or kill you but you held up a pretty good fight against them without his or Michiru's help.

A moment that nearly brought him to tears was when you reunited with your old friend Izumi, who was now a man. He could only imagine his hardships as a beastmen and as a transgender man. But he was happily engaged and utterly ecstatic to see you again after all this time.

So he let a few barriers down around you. You hung out a lot more without Michiru or Nazuna. It got to the point where some moments seemed much more than platonic. But he couldn't go that far with you. Not without telling you the truth. And now might be his best chance.

" Ok I'm ready. You can talk now." you set the teacup aside and faced him with a determined look.

He pondered on where to start. In the middle of his thinking his hand traveled to yours. Your knuckles were bandaged from the previous fight.

" Is your hand feeling better? Lizard beastmen have very tough skin."

" I'm fine Shirou," you placed your hand over his. " Just please explain to me what I saw. How .....how did you heal so fast?"

" I guess there's no avoiding now," he sighed then locked onto your gaze. " For starters I'm the Silver Wolf..."

He told his story to you as best as he could. When he was done he took a minute to analyze your reaction. Except it wasn't what he was expecting.

" You don't seem surprised."

" Oh I am. I just....uh..wow your not what I imagined at all. Not that it's a bad thing. And you're that old?!"

" Yes."

" You must've seen a lot of shit."

" Trust me. I've seen more than anyone needs to."

You laughed at his dry humor. He smiled from seeing you happy for the first time that night since the attack. But he knew it wouldn't last long with his next question.

" Why did you react that way when I got hurt?"

Your face instantly faltered.

" What do you mean?"

" You looked terrified."

" Of course I was! You were covered in blood and bullets."

" Y/n," he took your hand again. " I know trauma when I see it. Please...talk to me."

You didn't speak for awhile. When you did your voice was low.

" You know my friend Izumi?"

" Yes."

" Do you remember what I told you about him?"

" You were childhood friends, correct? Then he had to move away."

" Yeah but I never told you why he left," you took a deep breath. " We would always meet up at the park before sundown. No one was there that late so we could play without getting stared at but then-" your body shook. " I was late one day and some kid told their dad that Izumi scratched them a-and-" your voice hitched. " they were hitting him and kicking him and one of the guys pulled out a bat so I tried to help but I got hit in the head and blacked out-" your gasped in a breath and continued to ramble on. " then I woke up in the hospital. My mom was arguing with the doctor because he refused to help Izumi. Eventually they did but Izumi's family saw how in danger they were around humans so once he got better they left town for good."

You took a moment to catch your breath again and wipe the tears you didn't know had fallen.

" I know it was years ago but everytime I see a beastmen get attacked or hear about one getting killed at a protest or something I just-" you sniffed. " My mind goes back to that night. And I can hear screaming for his family again. And smell the blood. And I.....he was just a kid Shirou. He was just a kid! He'd never hurt anyone. Hell! Snow leopards don't even attack humans in the wild! It wasn't fair!-"

Before you could continue Shirou pulled you into his chest.

" It's alright Y/n. He's ok now. You did your best. In fact you probably saved his life."

" I could've done better. If I wasn't late none of that would've happened." you sobbed.

" You can't know that for sure. Izumi is ok now. Even better he's happy. All thanks to you and your kindness."

That was your final breaking point. You cried into Shirou's chest for what felt like hours. When you calmed down he let go of you and stood up. As you wiped your nose on your sleeve you noticed him moving some of the furniture around then closing his window's curtains.

" What are you doing?"

Instead of answering you he knelt down in front of you and morphed.

" Could you take off my collar?"

" Uhh..." ok this was getting weird really fast. " Sure?" you gently reached through his fur and undid the collar.

You were quick to notice the large scar underneath. Without thinking you reached out to touch it but stopped before you could. Shirou however took your hand and guided your fingers to it. You were about to ask how he got it when a bright blue light poured out of it. Within seconds he was a large wolf beast with glowing fur and blades on his shoulders.

He had to kneel down so he wouldn't hit the ceiling, which positioned his head over your lap. He looked up at you with shining eyes that left you speechless.

" So," he spoke although his voice was slightly echoey. " Is this what you pictured the Silver Wolf would be like?"

An old memory played in your head. You went to visit Izumi at the hospital. It was actually the last day you saw him.

" You know I bet it was the Silver Wolf that saved us." he said while laying the hospital bed with his face still bandaged.

" Who's the Silver Wolf?"

" They're this really cool god that protects all beastmen."

" Wow! That's so cool. Are they fluffy?"

" Yep! They're the fluffiest biggest wolf that ever existed!"

" I hope we get to meet them someday. I wanna thank them for saving us."

Another tear slid down your face. This time out of joy. You hugged Shirou's face and petted his flowing fur.

" Thank you Shirou. And no. You're even more beautiful than I imagined."

#bna #brand new animal #shirou ogami #shirou ogami x reader #angst #fluff #i dont know how to cut posts so this is really long sorry😅

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doyumacy · 4 years ago

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FALLOUT |LH| TWELVE (FINALE)

*gif not mine

PAIRING: donghyuck x reader bodyguard!donghyuck

WARNINGS: mentions of jaemin taeyong. swearing, major character death, gunshot wound, blood mentioned, grieving

WORD COUNT: 4,6K

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN ELEVEN

You groaned as, once again, you awoke sick for the fourth day.

It had been impossible to keep your breakfast down of late, and more often than not you spent most of the morning with your head in a bucket. You blamed the one week old pizza you had a week before.

That morning, Donghyuck made you your favourite breakfast before leaving with Jeno and you couldn't even have a bite. You were going to throw up again.

“Love, did I leave my phone here? I can't find it anywhere…” You heard him.

Another wave of nausea caught you, and you threw your head into the toilet. You coughed, tears in your eyes as the voice got closer. The dry heaving was almost more unpleasant than the vomiting, you lamented, leaving your throat sore and your voice hoarse.

“I am not dressed yet!” You called, not technically lying, as your pajamas clung to your body with sweat.

“I think we are past all that,” he laughed, pushing the door open.

You adjusted your pajasm as he searched, sensing the rush he was in from his near ignoring of you. "I swear I left it here before I took a shower."

He finally found it atop the mantlepiece, and turned to make a comment on it, when he noticed your appearance.

“Good god, are you okay?”

“Fine. A little nauseous, is all.”

He rushed over to you

“I think I have the stomach flu, perhaps. Stay back.”

“I likely already have it, if it is that,” he smiled. “So there is no further harm.”

"Seriously," you whined. "I don't want you to get sick."

"Are you sure you're okay? You look palid," he cupped your face.

You nodded. "Go. Jeno must be waiting for you."

Donghyuck sighed and placed a kiss on your forehead. "If by tomorrow you don't look better I'm taking you to the hospital, okay?"

"Yes, sir."

Your body ached, more so than when you were PMSing. But not every month was the same, so you thought the pill was doing its secondary effects. You grabbed your birth control pill case and before taking it, you checked your last case and realised you missed a few. You cursed.

You stared at the rows upon rows of pregnancy tests. Did women actually know which one to take? Was it common knowledge knowing which one was the best? You sighed and rubbed your eyes. You were probably overreacting. You grabbed the pink one off the shelf. It wasn’t the cheapest one, but it was a brand you remembered from commercials. You stopped by the snack stand and picked up a bar of your peanut butter and chocolate. You always hated peanut butter. Shit. You dropped the bar chocolate and sat down on the counter. The woman at the checkout rang them through and gave you the total.

You held up your bank card, “Credit.”

She nodded and pressed the button. You inserted the card into the machine, went through the motions of inputting your password and checking the account type.

“Would you like a bag?” The woman asked as you waited for the transaction to clear.

You shook your head, “No thank you.”

She handed you the two items and the receipt. You dropped them down into your purse. You exited the drug store and stood on the street corner for a minute. You couldn’t do this alone. You needed some guidance. You pulled your phone out of your pocket and texted Lena.

Can I call you? You pressed send and began walking home.

You recounted the last few times you and Donghyuck had sex. You ran your fingers through your hair, so many times. Your phone rang in your hand and Lena's caller ID showed up.

You smiled, “Hey girl.”

“You’re pregnant, aren’t you?” She cut right to the chase.

You thought about lying, just to spite her but you two knew each other so well that it wasn’t a surprise that she’d picked up on your worries early on.

“I bought a test.” You explained.

She squealed into the phone and you had to pull it away while she freaked out. You laughed at her reaction. Your nerves settle the tiniest bit. She already had Minah. She knew exactly what to expect. You unlocked your front door and lined it for the couch.

“Ok.” She settled in as you entered your house, “Take the test right now.”

You shook your head, “Isn’t it better to take it in the morning? I swear I heard that somewhere before.”

“Pff if you’re pregnant it doesn’t matter what time of day you take the test.” She explained.

You rolled your eyes, of course she knew best, she was a doctor and a mom after all.

“How am I supposed to pee on a stick and hold the phone at the same time?” You joked.

You heard a door shut on her end, “Put the phone down, pee on the stick and come back.”

You groaned. What if you really were pregnant? You were happy but scared at the same time. This wasn’t something you’ve ever had to deal with.

“Alright.” You said.

You placed the phone down on the table and pulled the test out of your purse. You went into the bathroom, ripped the box open, ignored the instructions and made sure that the bristles were in place. You frowned, this was almost as awkward as peeing in a cup. A shiver ran down your spine as you felt weird about the whole thing. Lena was willingly waiting for you to pee on a stick. You set the test on the corner of the sink, finished your business and pulled up your pants. You pushed the cap over the bristled part of the test and then washed your hands. You grabbed the instructions and test as you went back to the living room. You glanced at the clock. It was only 10:30 in the morning. Donghyuck wouldn’t be home for another few hours.

You picked up the phone, “It’s done.”

“Yay!” Lena laughed. “Have you thought about how you’re going to tell Donghyuck?”

You shrugged, “No. I don’t even know if this is real yet. I could just be overreacting.”

“You wouldn’t have called me if you thought this was a false alarm.” She stated.

You groaned, “Ugh.”

Why was she always right? She laughed again. She distracted you with mindless prattle while you waited the three minutes for the test to finish. You left it sitting on the coffee table, upside down because you still didn’t know if you were prepared for the outcome.

“Three minutes.” Lena announced.

You took a deep breath and gingerly picked up the test. You flipped it over and creased your eyebrows in confusion.

“Uh – it has one solid line and one really faint one.” You told her.

You pulled out the instructions pamphlet and began scanning through. It mentioned that two solid lines mean pregnant but it made no mention of a solid first line and faint second one. Were all the tests this finicky?

“That’s exactly what it looked like when I was pregnant with Minah.” She advised.

You shook your head, “This doesn’t make any sense. The booklet distinctly says that you have to have two solid lines. Not one solid and one barely there.”

She chuckled at your denial, “Y/N you’re pregnant.”

“That’s not what the booklet says!” You fought back.

“You’re pregnant.” Lena said again.

You paused and then all the excitement of being pregnant caught up with you. Tears formed at your eyes.

“I’m pregnant.” You whispered. “I'm pregnant!” You screamed. “Oh my god. Oh my god! How am I going to tell Hyuck?"

“Do something cute, like put the test in a pan and put the pan in the oven.” Lena offered, “Symbolically tell him you have a ‘bun in the oven.’”

You burst into laughter, “Isn’t that sort of stuff reserved for people planning on these things? This wasn’t exactly on our list of to-dos.”

You both broke into giggles. This was absurd and exhilarating all at once. You never expected to ever be a parent. It wasn’t something you thought you had in you. Now that you were pregnant, and with Donghyuck, you’d never felt more ready. The two of you could do this.

You took a deep breath and then blew it out through tight lips, “He’s not going to be home until after 7. I can’t wait that long.”

“Mull it over. He loves you, remember that.” She gave me a minor pep talk, “Oh, and guys handle these things differently. Don’t forget that.”

You nodded, “Alright. Thanks Lena.”

“No problem. You have to call me and tell me how he reacts.” She demanded.

I laughed at her, “I will.”

“Alright girl, I’ve got to go. I’ve been paged five times now.” She spoke swiftly and then hung up.

You dropped your phone down onto the coffee table and turned the TV on. You had no idea how you were going to tell Donghyuck. This was definitely not something either of you had talked about.

(...)

He’d been home for at least an hour now. The two of you were just sitting on the couch, watching TV. You couldn’t concentrate on the show because there was so much going on in your mind. Your face was hot and a blush was covering your entire body. You had no idea why but you felt embarrassed. You hadn’t even said or done anything yet. The tension in your body was building and you were starting to freak out. What if he had a horrible reaction? You never did talk about this. It wasn’t in the plans. Shit! You needed to get out of your head. You couldn’t start making things up. He didn’t even know yet. You tucked your feet underneath you and cradled the throw cushion into your stomach. You felt safer, almost like you were hiding your secret.

“Baby…” You murmured.

He glanced over at you, “Yeah.”

“We need to talk.” You said, immediately regretting your choice of words.

Now he probably thought you were breaking up with him. How did other people do this? This was the hardest conversation you’d ever had to have in your life. He raised an eyebrow at you, waiting for you to speak. You opened your mouth but stopped. You didn’t know what to say. Your heart was thudding in your chest and the adrenaline soared through your body.

"(Y/N)?" Donghyuck kept staring at you. "What is it?"

"Uhm..." you scratched the back of your neck. "I, I don't want to eat shrimp in our wedding."

He stared at you for a couple of seconds. "That is it?" You nodded, swallowing. "Baby, we can eat whatever we want in our wedding."

You hated yourself for lying to him. "I just... heard you say to Jeno you really love shrimp and I don't, so..."

"I don't really mind, love," he pecked you. "If you want to have tacos, then we'll have tacos."

You smiled. "Okay."

"Okay." He kissed you.

You couldn’t do it. You were too nervous.

(...)

You were all together in the cabin you rented, sitting around the coffee table filled with food and drinks.

“So, when's the wedding?” Jaemin asked, having a sip of his beer.

“Uh we still haven't set a date, but I hope it's soon,” Donghyuck replied and smiled.

“Hurry up before my baby bump starts showing!” Lena laughed. "And others things too." She glanced at you. You ignored her.

“Are you pregnant again?” Taeyong looked at her.

She nodded. "Yup, baby number two is coming next winter."

"Hey, congrats," Jaemin smiled. "I bet Hoseok is thrilled."

"He is, he wants twins," Lena rolled his eyes. "As if one wasn't enough."

Donghyuck giggled. "I'd love to have twins one day."

"You see, (Y/N)? Give him babies soon!" Lena smiled.

You rolled your eyes and Donghyuck put an arm around your shoulder. "We'll have kids as soon as we get married."

"You don't even hate a date yet," Jaemin mocked him.

You didn't know when Jaemin and Donghyuck became so close that they would bicker jokingly so often. And you found it funny, but that day you were nervous because you had to tell him you were pregnant. He deserved to know.

Taeyong tilted his head to the side, examining you. You looked different, your body seemed different. And the way you wouldn't look Donghyuck in the eye he could tell you were hiding something.

Then he knew. You were pregnant.

Later that night, you were doing the dishes when Taeyong showed up in the kitchen. He smiled at you as he poured some water in a glass. He stood next to you, leaning against the counter. “How long are you?”

“Excuse me?” You looked at him.

He cocked his head cutely, smiling. “If I’m not wrong you’re pregnant, right?”

You sighed and nodded. “How did you know? Did Lena tell you? I’m gonna kill her.” You hissed.

Taeyong chuckled and shook his head. “I had a slight suspicion since the last time I saw you.”

You pressed your lips together. “6 weeks.”

“And… are we happy?” He rested his hand on yours.

“I am, I’m just nervous,” you let out an awe sigh. “I know he’s gonna be all happy, but still, it’s unexpected.”

“You’ll be fine.” Taeyong assured you. “Everything will be fine.”

“Promise?”

“When have I ever lied to you?” He cocked an eyebrow.

You giggled. “Never.”

“See?” Taeyong smiled. “Come here.” He pulled you close to him and hugged you. “I’ll always be by your side.”

(...)

“What are we going to do tomorrow?” Jaemin asked.

Donghyuck's eyes lit up, “There are several things we could do, how physical would we like to get?”

There was an extremely varied pool of answers. Jaemin and Donghyuck wanted it to be as extreme as they could get. You seemed anxious about what ‘physical’ would entail as physical usually also corresponded with danger.

Taeyong thought for a moment before recommending, “Why don’t we go down to the lake? It can be as low key or high key as people want, and there are some very pretty places nearby if people would not like to participate in the lake.”

Jaemin nodded, “Sounds fine to me.”

Lena whispered something to you and when they nodded Donghyuck's eyes lit up, “we're in as well.”

The next morning , you decided to make sandwiches for your trip later in the day while everyone cleaned up from breakfast, and then everyone left to go get dressed. Donghyuck put on their bathing suit underneath so he could easily change in and out of it, and grabbed their pair of sunglasses. He went out to the main area of the cabin to gather up the towels.

Taeyong arrived a few moments later, he had a sunhat on with round black sunglasses on. "Is everyone ready?"

Jaemin nodded. "We better go!"

The walk down to the lake was surprisingly calm, it was still morning and the birds were chirping, hidden in the trees, and the occasional butterfly would flutter across their path. The lake was stunning when you arrived. It was a large tranquil body of water which seemed to absorb the sun to show every possible shade of blue, and reflected it at just the right points so the ripples glinted and gleamed.

Donghyuck immediately tore off his shirt and sprinted for the dock as Jaemin and Taeyong followed him. Lena and you sat on the edge of the dock.

In the field there was laughter and joy, the three of them wove crowns and bracelets for each other.

"Why haven't you told him yet?" Lena queried.

You shrugged. "Becuase I'm dumb."

"Yeah, I know," she giggled. "You need to tell him before he realises it."

You sighed. "I'm gonna do it tonight."

She smiled. "Finally!"

"It's so cold." you said hugging yourself tighter.

Donghyuck grinned, scrunching his nose. "If you get in the water you'll get warm."

You rolled your eyes again. "You're not getting me into the lake."

Donghyuck pouted. "You sure, love?" He asked, batting his eyes.

You crossed your arms nodding your head. You didn't notice the way his arms snaked around your legs, having a slightly good hold on you. "I hoped you'd say that." Donghyuck had an evil smile on his face, causing you to look confused.

"I didn't say any- ahh!" Before you knew it, you were pulled into the lake.

When you broke to the surface Donghyuck was already waiting for you. You moved the hair from your face and glared at him. "Hyuck!" You yelled slamming your fists into the water. Donghyuck broke into a laughing fit. You glared at him, crossing your arms and turning away with a small 'Hmph!' Donghyuck was still laughing just a bit, before swimming up behind you. "Aw come on love, you can't be mad at me." He said wrapping his arms around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder. You weren't mad, but you wanted to tease him a bit. "Let go off of me."

"No," you felt him smile on your shoulder before he kissed it.

You giggled and rested your head on his shoulder. "I love you."

"I love you." He kissed your cheek. "I love you more than anything, you know?"

"I know," you smiled, caressing his arms . "But I like when you say it."

"I love you," he turned you and kissed you. "I can't wait for you to have my babies."

"Hyuck..." You looked at him. "You need to know something."

"What is it?" He stroked your cheek.

You opened your mouth but Jaemin called you two interrupted. You shook your head. "Let's go before he goes crazy. I'll tell you later."

"Alright, love."

(...)

"Please repeat again why did we need your private jet to come all the way here, Taeyong?" Lena questioned him.

"It was an 8 hour ride. I was not going to drive," He shrugged.

Jaemin laughed. "I could've drove."

"You're not the best at driving," you teased and everyone laughed.

"I'm gonna pretend you didn't say that," Jaemin rolled his eyes.

You all were in a suv on your way to the hangar where Taeyong's private jet was. You were coming back to the city after spending a few days out of town.

You didn't tell Donghyuck that you were pregnant since you weren't alone and when you have time for yourselves, he fell asleep. So you decided to tell him as soon as you two were home. It would be better.

After you arrived at the hangar destination, you got off of the car and grabbed your belongings. All of you went to the airstrip where the jet was already waiting for you. Everyone started to board the plane when Donghyuck let go off your hand. You looked at him. "I think I left my wallet in the car. I'll be right back."

"I'm gonna wait for you here," you say nicely.

He nodded and walked back in the hangar where the black suv was. He found his wallet underneath the pilot's seat and took it. He started walking towards the plane again and smiled when he saw you on the staircase. God, he was so in love with you.

A deafening sound echoed in his ears.

He blinked.

Donghyuck could you see running towards him - almost in slow motion - you were mouthing something and staring at him with fear, pain and… shock in your eyes.

Why were you shocked?

The right side of his chest felt sticky, and cold but warm in the middle. Weirdly warm. But it was not warm, it was hot and it hurt. Not like a punch. It was more like a pinch, that was blossoming into a cramp - a horrible, numbing cramp.

He was feeling light-headed and the cramp in his chest was getting worse. You were getting closer, but the distance between you two was considerable.

Another bang reached his ears a second later, it was loud, deafening, it made his ears ring. He stepped, no, stumbled to the side. Turning his head to see you, the look of acknowledgement and horror on your face.

He felt his blood on his hands, the heat and pain building up in his chest, the warmth of the sun seeping into his back. His knees gave way and he started falling backwards as his hand stretched out towards you.

His head hit the pavement with a startling thud and it felt strangely numb, he could hear you yelling for an ambulance. He blinked, closed his eyes for a second and suddenly you were there above him. You were cradling his face, saying something, tapping his face too hard.

"Hyuck!"

"-pen your eyes!"

"Come on Hyuck Please! Don't do this!"

"Babe, love, Donghyuck! You're okay, you're alright, you're gonna be fine. Please stay with me."

His back arched and he tried to curl onto his side and make the pain go away. His blood was still pouring out of him like a grotesque tap that couldn't be turned off.

"I-I love s-so m-uch. Y-you're t-the b-est t-thing t-that happened t-to m-me" He rambled.

"Don't do that. Don't say goodbye," you spoke, your voice cracking as a few stray tears fell from your eyes.

The blood that was coating his throat started clogging it instead and he couldn't breathe.

"You are going to be fin-" he choked

"It won't" You cut him off. "Hyuck, please. I'm pregnant, we're gonna have a kid. You're gonna be a dad. The best."

He tried to smile and looked at you weakly. "Take c-care o-of t-them, okay? I-I l-love yo-"

He was cut off by the blood in his throat that he coughed out onto his chin. The pain was spreading everywhere and numbing his brain.

And he took his last breath. He was smiling up at you.

“No. No! I’m not losing you! Donghyuck! I just got you! I'm not losing you! I’m not losing you… I’m not losing you.” You cried as you frantically shook him trying to bring him back to life but to no avail.

He was gone.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. You were supposed to marry Donghyuck and raise your kid together. And two stray bullets weren't supposed to have struck in your fiancé's chest.

You weren't supposed to be trembling in front of the small white tombstone etched with the name Lee Donghyuck, but it was happening anyway.

You just wanted him to hold you; to tell you that everything happens for a reason, as he always did. You imagined him wrapping his arms around your waist like he always had, the way you now held yourself, alone.

Furiously wiping the tears from under your eyes,you began to make your way to your real destination from the graveyard. As you opened the door to the small doctor’s office, she gave you a soft sympathetic smile.

“Come on in, let’s see how your little bean is holding up.”

You nodded, sitting on the sturdy table for examinations in the back of the small office. You didn’t really notice the colors on the walls anymore, your eyes skipping over the medical tools meticulously lined up in the doctor’s preference of order.

You were four months along.

“Everything seems to be going well with the baby. But Y/N, you know that you need to eat more. It isn’t safe.”

Safe. That word didn’t seem real to you anymore.

“Are you hearing me? Please, I don’t like you living alone.”

You nodded. "I'll try."

(...)

Time went on. You were slowly running out of tears to cry around the eight month of your pregnancy. You still stopped by the graveyard to say hello to Donghyuck.

When she got back to your house, you found Taeyong parking outside. He had always been kind to you, respecting your space and distance.

“Hey you,” he greeted you smiling.

"Hi," you greeted back.

"I brought you some lunch."

You smiled politely. "Let 's go inside. I'm cold."

You got inside your house and went to the kitchen. Taeyong placed the food containers on the table. "How's the baby?"

"They're fine," you smirked. "Although I get heartburns very easily."

He nodded. "I'm glad you're doing better."

You sighed. "I'm... trying."

"And you know I'm here to help."

"I know."

You suddenly let out a low groan. He turned to you abruptly. “Are you okay, is the baby alright?” Taeyong, with a panicked look on his face.

“Umm, I think...I think I’m having contractions.”

It took a minute for this to process with him. "Okay, okay.. Okay, I'm gonna take you to the hospital? Okay?"

You nodded. "Is too soon, oh My God."

(...)

Taeyong ran his hand through his hair for what seemed like the millionth time as he paced in the waiting room.

He glanced down the hall where he knew your room was. He got called by a nurse. He went to your room and saw you connected to a lot of medical stuff and his heart ached.

You were in pain and when you saw him, you reached for his hand. Taeyong, grabbing your hand not even caring about your tight grip as he kissed your head, sweat be damned.

“(Y/N) ...it’s almost time for you to push, waiting any longer will mean an even greater risk for your baby.”

You nodded but let out a shuddering breath.

As nurses started coming into the room, he pressed another kiss to your head.

“You can do this.” He whispered.

Minutes later, you began to push.

He looked back at the baby girl. She was beautiful. And so small.

Taeyong looked up.

“She’s a fighter, just like his dad..”

Tears filled your eyes again.

Taeyong knew he wouldn't go anywhere, not since he had you all from himself and had gotten rid of Donghyuck.

He smiled, holding the baby. He was a dad.

Alternate ending is finally here !!

#donghyuck imagine #donghyuck x reader #donghyuck smut #nct imagine #NCT #nct haechan #haechan imagine #haechan smut #taeyong smut #jaemin smut

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carelessannie · 4 years ago

Text

maybe it goes like this: tony courts peter (part 7)

Read on A03

Read the Stuckony backstory

Word count: 5.7K

Pack focus. This means Clint x Peter x Annie (OFC), Clint x Steve, Steve x Peter, Bucky x OFC, and Steve x Tony x Bucky x Clint x Annie x Peter (wow)

It all goes to hell, because, of course it does. But it’s exciting to fix it, because everyone is falling in love.

Major warnings: D/S Au, A/B/O Au, subdrop, almost a fight bc Clint is aggressive

---

maybe it goes like this:

“So… have you heard from him yet?”

Annie sighs, rolling her eyes, and refrains from shaking the precious Omega standing behind her,

“Not in the past three minutes, Peter.”

“Sorry, I just—”

“I know, you’re nervous,” she tries to drop the tone, squinting in the bathroom mirror to finish her eyeliner, “why don’t you just call him? Or your boyfriend?”

In the reflection, Peter pouts, crossing his arms, “I tried, but both went to voicemail. He should have been done by now.”

Annie takes care to sweep perfectly symmetrical wings across each upper lid, before exchanging her eyeliner for a brighter tube of mascara. It’s taking a lot of effort to ignore Peter as he stresses over their evening, but no one has ever called her a quitter.

Peter continues his spiral in her silence, “What if they got into a fight? Could he be dead— is there a chance Steve killed him? Or what if he dropped again, and there’s no one there to help him? What if they’re in the hospital—”

Enough.

“Peter, stop it,” Annie finally turns away from the mirror and grabs Peter by his shoulders, “if any of those things happened, one of their packmates would have called by now. I know we have to leave soon, but there’s really nothing we can do, okay?”

Peter’s eyes tear up a bit and he sniffles, looking down at his outfit, which currently is one of Clint’s shirts and a pair of leggings, “Annie, I’m not— I’m not even dressed yet.”

“Let me help you, okay Pete?” she steers him out of the bathroom and towards their wardrobe, picking up her phone to try calling again as they sort through possible outfit choices for Peter.

The phone rings— once, twice, three times— before,

“Yello.”

“Clint Barton! Do you know how many times we’ve tried calling—”

“Annie! Holy shit, Annie— is Peter there? Do you have me on speaker?”

She shakes her head in disbelief while pressing the speaker button, making sure Peter can hear too.

“Is that Clint?” Peter asks, pointing at the phone. Annie nods, and Peter gasps, “You asshole! I tried to call you so many times, where on earth have you been?”

“I’m so sorry, Omega, honestly— the conversation with Steve went longer than I expected and I’m driving back now. But please, I have to tell you— I’m compatible with him!”

Both Omegas exchange a look, clearly confused and doubtful of their Beta.

“What does that mean, Clint?”

“It means I’ve got a chance. I thought I’d hate him, or be forced to put up with him for your sake. But, honestly… he’s pretty amazing. I can tell he cares a whole freaking lot about his pack and I think he’s in this for real.”

Peter reaches out to grab her hand, and Annie can’t help but smile back.

“Did you tell him your history?” Annie prompts, pulling Peter next to her so that they can sit close together on the floor.

She can almost hear Clint waving his hands around, animated in his response. “Yeah, I shared most of it with him and it made him cry, honest to god. I also told him he could catch his mates up to speed—”

“— oh my god, did you see Tony?” Peter cuts in, eyes lighting up as he wrings his tiny hands together nervously.

“Yes, needy Omega, I saw Tony. I gave him the flowers, and we had a little heart to heart, too. Real sexy, you know—”

“Shut up, Clint!” Peter squeals as Annie breaks down into helpless giggles at seeing his face light up pink, “does that mean you talked to all three of them, then?”

A small pause, “... no, actually that was kind of awkward. They said that… it seemed like… they had just finished a scene together when I showed up.”

“Oh, shit.” Annie breaths.

“Yeah, Tony definitely didn’t know I was coming,”

Peter covers his mouth, eyes going wide, “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I literally can’t believe I forgot to tell him. That sounds so horrible, C!”

There’s a chuckle on the other end, “Don’t worry, Petey, no harm done. I’ll be home soon, and we can head back out there, okay?”

Annie gives Peter a small kiss on the cheek before standing, grabbing her phone, saying, “sounds good, see ya Clint,” and hanging up without another word.

She spins, taking in Peter’s lost expression and the clothing scattered around their closet.

Okay. Motivation.

Peter yelps as Annie hauls him up by his armpits, “Time to get ready, Peter. C’mon— you are gonna look absolutely stunning tonight.”

Finally Peter’s expression melts and a genuine smile breaks out over his face. He pulls Annie closer, leaning in for a quick peck on the lips— careful to avoid messing up her lip gloss.

“I adore you, Annie,” he whispers, “— these boys are not gonna know what hit ‘em.”

She reaches up to twist one of his curls playfully before returning a smirk,

“You’re damn right.”

---

“I don’t see why I have to be in the backseat. I clearly called shotgun.”

Clint has been whining ever since they left their apartment, insisting that he was severely wronged by his insolent Omegas. Both of those Omegas are having fun ignoring him— turning up their music and talking louder to drown out his voice.

It took a half hour for Clint to get home after his call, and by some miracle, all three of them were dressed and ready to go with time to spare. Annie had spent time curling Peter’s hair into perfect ringlets before finishing his makeup with sparkly-pink eyeshadow and gloss. Both of them were ready and dressed before Clint got home, and had pushed and prodded the bewildered Beta into a nicer button up with dark jeans and combat boots.

Annie is proud of her and Peter’s outfits, of course. Not many Omegas can pull off pink like they can, and her powdered pink coat goes flawlessly with Peter’s pink polka dot button up. But even more than their outfits, she is proud of how put together their chaotic Beta looks.

After catching Peter glancing back in the rearview mirror for the third time, she decides to say something.

She turns down the music, “You look like a snack, Clint.”

Peter snickers as Clint looks down at himself in bewilderment, “I swear, I’ve never seen these clothes before in my entire life. But, thanks. I guess.”

Since Peter insisted on driving, he can only glance quickly to try and gauge Clint’s expression.

“Those boots are yours,” Peter says.

“Yeah, but when did you guys even have time to buy me clothes?” Clint’s back to complaining, and grumbles sneaky Omegas under his breath.

Annie turns, lightly slapping the inside of Clint’s thigh where he’s sprawled across the backseat, “Hush and take a compliment, Beta. I think I speak for both of us when I say we want to climb you like a tree.”

Peter gasps, swatting at her with one hand, as Clint’s eyes go wide.

She continues, “I mean, it has been awhile since we’ve had a scene, and the mention of Tony’s pack has me—”

Clint leans forward, posture straightening as he grabs her chin to silence her, “— you feeling horny, Omega?” he purrs, a feral grin taking over his face.

“M— maybe.”

“Have I not been taking care of you, Annie?” he moves closer, and forces Annie to turn almost completely in her seat.

“... Clint.”

He grips harder, “Try again.”

“Fuck, Beta. Please.”

“— guys, can this wait—” Peter tries to interrupt, but is quickly shut down by Clint growling, low.

“Sweet Omegas, is that why you dressed me up? Feeling all needy and shit?” he releases his hold on Annie’s chin and moves back to his seat, relaxing again before letting out a sigh, “but you’re right, Pete. This can wait.”

The silence is charged. Both Omegas wiggling in their seats in response to Clint’s dominant display, and Annie whimpers— a small sound that causes Peter’s breath to catch in his throat.

“Aw, Annie. No— come here,” Clint leans forward again, and as she turns he catches her lips in a lingering kiss, licking into her mouth quickly and coaxing a grin out of her.

“Don’t want you to drop, gorgeous. You know I’ll take care of you both, right? Love you so much.”

She pecks him on the lips, satisfied to see some of her pink lip gloss stain his mouth, “Love you, Clint. And you do look amazing tonight.”

“Thanks, pretty Omega,” even though it’s dark in the car, she can tell he’s blushing by the way he ducks his head bashfully.

Annie turns back to face front and catches the slight pout on Peter’s face. She crosses the center console to kiss behind his ear, and enjoys the surprised squawk from the younger Omega.

“Annie! I’m driving!”

Clint laughs, and reaches forward to rub Peter’s shoulder, “We love you too, Petey-pie.”

“Shut up.”

Both of them crack up as Peter shakes himself free. Annie intertwines their fingers and Clint settles back into his seat, quietly staring out the window at the oncoming traffic. She feels a small squeeze and looks up, exchanging a reassuring smile with Peter.

The rest of their drive passes in relative silence, and soon they are pulling up a long, winding driveway into what Annie would swear is a rainforest jungle.

As Peter navigates around the property, he explains, “Tony said that he bought this land right after Steve and Bucky courted him. A lot of it is a nature preserve, and it backs right to the Jamaica Bay. I know all of them wanted to stay in Brooklyn, but Tony absolutely refused to live near anyone, so they built this house together with the hope of living here with their future pack.”

Both Annie and Clint are glued to the window. They watch as the looming trees suddenly part, revealing a modern, sharply-angled, and breathtakingly enormous house. There are at least three stories, and the whole structure seems to be built into the surrounding forest, with a noticeable extension out into the bay.

“Peter,” Annie breathes out, still stunned speechless.

“I know, that’s how I felt earlier.” Clint replies, still looking out at the quickly approaching home.

Peter hums quietly, but Annie can see him shaking slightly. As they pull up and he parks the car, she gives his knuckles a kiss, “Peter?”

He turns and she catches a NervousDistress scent radiating off of him.

That’s not good.

With a quick look to Clint, they both jump out of the car, rounding the side to Peter’s door, and pull the startled Omega out of the driver’s seat.

“What are you— hey!”

“Come here, nervous Omega, and let us hug you,” Clint pulls Peter in, wrapping him in his arms, as Annie turns the car off. She joins the group hug and lets Clint wrap his arms around both of them.

After a few moments, Clint pulls back, gently scenting both of them for any lingering distress. Instead, he groans, “Damn, you two smell like fuckin’ ice cream. So sweet.”

Peter giggles and Annie leans up for a kiss— earning one from Clint first, then Peter.

“Feel better, Peter?” Annie asks, pulling away to look at his face.

He shrugs, “Yes, I just need to trust Tony to do his part, and… I think I’m just really excited to see him again,” he ducks his head, and Clint places another kiss on top.

“Let’s go get ‘em, tiger.”

“Ew, Clint, stop.” Both Omegas complain as Clint tows them towards the entrance, knocking firmly on the door.

They are still arguing about the merits of cheesy nicknames, when the door swings open.

“Tony!” Peter shrieks, throwing himself forward and into the larger man’s arms.

“Hi, baby,” Tony coos, picking his Omega up and spinning them around, “you look so pretty, Pete. You all do, honestly. Such a pretty pack.”

“Thanks Beta,” Peter stretches up to give him a peck on the cheek, and then freezes.

“Peter? What—” Tony puts him down, and Annie watches as two figures approach them in the hallway.

She hears Clint growl behind her, and immediately her eyes turn to Peter. She can only see the side of his face, but his eyes are wide, pupils dilated, and he sucks in a quick breath.

“A— alpha,” he moans, swaying on his feet.

The larger man— Steve, probably— steps out of the shadow and pushes Tony to the side, looming over Peter and reaching to grab his neck.

There’s an echo of growls, one behind and one ahead, before Peter collapses to his knees.

“Fuck no!”

Clint reacts suddenly, pushing Annie behind him. He jumps forward and aims a blow towards Steve, who’s still looking down at Peter, eyes glowing red. Before the hit can land, both Tony and Bucky step forward, blocking the attack on their Alpha and tearing Clint away.

Tony grabs Peter, pulling him to his feet, and pushes him into Annie’s arms.

“Down the hall, to the right. Settle him in the living room and we’ll handle this, okay?”

He doesn’t wait for an answer before grabbing Clint and dragging him back outside, hopefully to calm down. Annie struggles to carry the larger Omega down the hall, and thankfully neither Steve nor Bucky are anywhere to be found.

When they finally reach the living room, she drops Peter in a large nesting chair towards the corner and searches for blankets. After finding a few, she wraps him in them and climbs into the nest, throwing the others over top of them to enclose the space.

“Petey?”

No response. Shit.

She moves them so he’s facing her fully, and tries to shake him awake. It seems like whatever happened actually knocked him out, and she checks his eyes, his breathing, before holding him close.

“Petey, you have to wake up for me.”

It’s hard not lacing her words with a dominant tone, but the direct order seems to reach him and Peter’s breath picks up.

“Open your eyes, sweetheart, c’mon.”

His eyes blink open wide and he looks around frantically.

“— Alpha?” he whimpers.

“No, Peter. It’s me. Tell me what you need, Pete.”

He focuses on her then, lips opening and closing before he’s able to speak, “Need’ta come up, Omega. Please.”

Annie strokes over his brow, “Okay, Pete. I’ve got you.”

She uses one hand to block his eyes and the other to peel back the blankets, looking around for someone to help, and sees Bucky in the kitchen.

“Bucky, help,” she whispers, hoping the other Omega can hear her across the room.

His head shoots up as he takes in the situation, and he swiftly walks over. He looks into her eyes, sees her hold on Peter, and drops to his knees next to the nest,

“What do you need, Omega?”

She has to stop herself from reaching out to touch him, and instead keeps her eyes on Peter, “Please tell me you have apples, bananas and carrots? Or crackers?”

“I do— do you want them sliced, Omega?”

“Yes, thank you,” she agrees, turning back to Peter as Bucky hurries back into the kitchen. She cradles his head, keeping one hand over his eyes to block them from the light, and lets him curl in closer to her as he floats.

“Sweet Omega,” she whispers, pulling him closer, “so good for me. So good, Peter.”

“Here,” Bucky says gently, and offers her a plate with slices of each food. He also hands her a bottle of water.

“Thanks, Bucky. Can you dim the lights? Maybe light candles if you have them?”

“Of course.”

He walks away to lower the lights, and Annie finally takes her hand off of Peter’s eyes. He blinks up at her, adorably confused, and gives her a small smile.

“Apple, Peter,” she says, pressing the apple slice up against his lips. He takes a small bite and she watches as he chews and swallows before offering another.

Once the apple is gone, she holds up the next fruit, “Banana.”

He takes the softer fruit in one bite, and Annie notices his eyes clearing up and he tightens his grip on her arm.

“Last one, Peter. Can you tell me what it is?”

“Carrot, Annie,” he says, smooth and steady, chewing the carrot slice while maintaining eye contact.

After he swallows, she hands him the bottle of water. He drinks it slowly, taking in the room and turns his gaze back to her.

“What— what happened?”

Bucky comes back over to them and looks to Annie for direction. She motions for him to join them in the nest, and they both move over as Bucky climbs in, pulling the other Omegas to nestle into his side.

“What do you remember, Peter?” Annie asks, reaching over to hold his hand on top of Bucky’s chest.

“I… I’m not sure. I remember being in Tony’s arms, and then— did I meet Steve? And someone attacked him? I don’t know Annie, I just remember floating and then coming back up.”

Bucky makes a pained noise, “Stevie reacted to Clint’s challenge, an’ his display caused you’ta drop.”

“Display, what—”

Annie sighs, “Basically, Clint saw you react to the new Alpha. His hindbrain registered that as a threat, and he growled— challenging Steve. I think Steve must have released some type of Alpha pheromones, because my mind went hazy too. After that, both of them were growling and you kneeled for him.”

“For— Steve?”

“Yeah, Pete. He pushed Tony away to get to you and Clint attacked him. That’s when Bucky and Tony took control and split everyone up. Nothing happened to you— to anyone, okay?”

Peter still looks devastated and pulls his hand away, sitting up in the nest, “I can’t believe. I just— submitted like that. I didn’t even do that with Tony, but with a random Alpha—”

“Peter, hey,” Bucky grabs his hand, trying to calm him down, “it’s instincts, darlin’. Steve is really dominant, and in this setting— with everyone on edge and feelin’ horny and stuff— honestly… I’m a little pissed we didn’t plan better. Especially after Clint came by earlier.”

Annie sits up then, drawing Peter closer to her to sit across Bucky’s lap, “He’s right, Pete, none of us have ever dealt with a Dominant Alpha meeting a Submissive Omega before. There’s no way we could have anticipated how Clint was gonna react.”

They sit for a few more minutes before Bucky stands up, “I’m gonna check on Tony and Clint— I think I have a plan for tonight.”

It’s a few more minutes that the two Omegas can sit in silence, eventually moving from the nesting chair over to the couch and preening each others’ hair and makeup. There’s a sound from down the main hallway, and a figure comes barreling towards them.

Annie throws her arm over Peter and yells, “Hey!” to get the person— Clint, it’s freaking Clint— to stop. He falls to his knees, only a foot or two away from them, and crawls the rest of the distance.

“Petey, I’m so sorry. Sweet Omega, I had no idea— I didn’t mean— I’m so so sorry, oh my god, I completely freaked out and ruined your night, please—”

“Beta, come here,” Peter opens up his arms, and Clint falls into them, clawing at Peter’s back and scenting him thoroughly, “it’s okay, C, I understand. I forgive you.”

Annie looks up to find Bucky and Tony standing, bewildered, in the entrance for the living room. She gestures towards the couch next to them, a clear invitation to take a seat, and Tony quickly moves to sit next to Peter and pull him into a hug after Clint releases him.

“So— Annie, Peter,” Bucky starts, shifting on his feet, “I have an idea, and our Betas have agreed to it.”

“What is it, Bucky?” Peter asks, surrounded now by both Tony and Clint, and looking beyond satisfied.

Bucky looks off, down the hallway behind the kitchen, “I think we should go to my nest. The— the three of us. Omegas, I mean. And meet Stevie there.”

“But… why?”

“It’s neutral,” Tony chimes in, “and Peter needs to meet Steve somewhere safe. Bucky’s the only one who can really bring the dumb Alpha out of his head— so the nest seems like the best idea. And a balance of chaperones that are all Omega should help ground everyone present. It’s a good idea.”

Annie stands up, crossing her arms, and looks at the two Betas, “You’re serious? You’re both completely okay with this, and anything that could happen in that room?”

Tony nods, but it’s really Clint’s reaction that she’s waiting for. The Beta also agrees, nodding slowly, “I told you I would try.”

Peter gets to his feet, wiping off his pants, and offers his hand to Annie. He then walks towards Bucky and offers a second hand, “Lead the way, Omega,” he says, grinning at them both.

Bucky gives a tug, and pulls them down the hallway. They pass the kitchen, a few other rooms that are all closed, and turn a corner. On the right side is a set of french doors with curtains— bedroom?— and the left—

“Holy shit.”

“Oh my god.”

Bucky steps away from them to gesture to his nest, the large fixture taking up the majority of the space in a room that could have otherwise been a large library. Or a sunroom.

Two of the walls are windows— they stretch from floor to ceiling and meet at the arched apex of the ceiling where a large, twinkling chandelier cascades down, filling the room with warm light and extending over the white canopy that dominates the center of the space. Twinkle lights surround and flow around the nest— dropping over and under the structure— and a few smaller lamps sit strategically both outside and inside.

The nest itself seems to be slightly elevated— giving the illusion of floating in the center of the room on a simple wooden palette. There are vines and ferns sprinkled around the base, and Annie can see the legs of at least one table that reach underneath the canopy. It’s a cloud. It’s a dream.

There’s definitely someone inside.

“Bucky, this is… amazing.” Annie is still frozen with Peter in a similar state beside her.

“C’mon,” Bucky finally reaches back and snaps his fingers, breaking them out of their trance. He grabs Peter first, kneeling up on the entrance to push back the curtain and let Peter in. Annie ducks down, following Peter through the opening.

Okay, the meeting in the hallway earlier did nothing to prepare her for the giant, hulking Alpha in Bucky’s nest. Even with his head down and neck exposed, Steve is a sight to behold, and by far the most dominant Alpha that Annie has been around in her entire life.

Strong hands grab her from behind, and Bucky settles both of them near the entrance to watch.

Steve has his eyes down still, throat exposed, as Peter inches forward. They all freeze as his scent changes to CuriousInnocentDistressedOmega, and finally Steve looks up.

The sound that comes from Peter is not quite a whimper. He turns his head to the side and makes it again.

An invitation.

Steve moves immediately and folds Peter into his arms. He makes a low reassuring noise, and Peter just melts, a high pitch chirp leaving his lips before his body goes limp. Steve has a tight hold on him, and turns their bodies to settle the tiny Omega underneath him. Almost in sync, they bare their throats and scent each other.

Annie scoots closer to Bucky, letting him wind his arms around her as she rests between his legs, against his chest. He stretches his legs out, and she turns slightly to add her legs to the tangle.

There’s a small sniffling noise, and both Omegas look up. Steve is still holding Peter close— but now they’re eye to eye, and Peter is crying. Annie immediately sits up to separate them, but Bucky holds her back, whispering for her to wait.

They watch as the Alpha and Omega cry together, sharing comfort and tears, as they continue to scent-mark each other.

“Is it uncomfortable to watch your Alpha connect with another Omega like this?” Annie whispers.

Bucky, still behind her, just draws aimless circles on her arm as he responds, “We talked ‘bout it. Doesn’t feel weird— just feels right, ya know?”

She nods, “It definitely looks right.”

And it does. Annie thinks about her mom and dad— how many times she’s envied their bond and the love that they share. Even then, they are a VersAlpha and VersOmega couple and they’ve never been able to build the pack that they want, even though their relationship has been full of love and their pack is strong.

With Steve and Peter… it feels like watching a King and his Queen. It feels like the ocean meeting the shore, like stars in the sky, like pen on paper. The perfect balance, opposites fated by biology, Alpha and Omega.

It feels right.

Annie is crying now, and notices it when Bucky reaches up to wipe one of her tears away. She leans into him, moving her hair and exposing her neck for him to scent. He intertwines their fingers around her waist and she can feel his nose, his mouth, pressed against her sensitive bonding glands.

In an uncharacteristically dominant move, Bucky lifts one of his own wrists for her to scent. She pulls it closer and sniffles at his pulse point, enjoying his warm Milk Chocolate and sweet Orange scent.

“Oranges and Strawberries,” he breathes, tickling her neck.

“Chocolate and Caramel,” she takes one more inhale before turning in his arms, letting the other Omega stare into her eyes.

She licks her lips, “I’ve missed your scent. I can’t believe how compatible… I mean, you know— how good—”

Bucky chuckles, playing with a piece of her hair, “I can’t believe how compatible we are either, darlin’.”

Damn, he’s sweet. Annie can feel her face heat up, but she’s helpless to look into his eyes, steel-blue and darkening by the second. He’s holding her so close, and he’s so warm. She closes her eyes, letting a quiet purr build from deep in her chest.

There’s a soft press on her lips, and she gasps, fluttering her eyes open to see Bucky pulling away from her face with a shy smile.

“Sorry, sorry, I thought—”

“— why’d you stop?” Annie asks, returning his smile.

This time she sits up, pushing into his space, and locks their lips together. His hands clutch tighter around her waist as he tilts her head back, deepening the kiss. His lips move slowly, sweetly, and she keens into the feeling, opening her mouth a little more, inviting him to take.

Instead, he slows the kisses down further, releasing her waist and brushing his fingers over her eyelids, her cheek, and she rests her hands on his chest. He pulls back after one last kiss, lips red and bruised, and a smile lights up his face. She hums her approval, sure her face looks similar, and moves one hand to brush back the hair off his forehead.

“Wow.”

The voice breaks the spell— Peter and Steve are staring at them, mouths agape. Annie pushes Bucky away and he laughs, trying to catch her around the waist before she can escape. Peter giggles, still so cute and tiny in Steve’s monster arms, and Steve can’t help but laugh along.

Okay, so maybe making out in the nest wasn’t a great idea.

She looks back at Bucky— head thrown back in laughter and eyes bright with joy— and honestly she doesn’t care. She feels her heart soften, almost literally, and pulls him in for one more kiss— ignoring the protests coming from the back of the nest. Bucky’s lips taste like heaven.

Once they break apart, Peter crawls over, nudging her to change places with him.

“Real quick, Annie. You haven’t even met him yet.”

“Okay, okay— pushy Omega.”

Peter immediately snuggles into Bucky’s arms, and the two turn to watch as Annie shuffles over to where Steve is still seated.

He gives her a hesitant smile, and offers his hand, “Hi Annie, I’m Steve.”

She looks down at the professional handshake he’s trying to give her and back up to him in disbelief. Boys are idiots. Shaking her head, she crawls the last few inches and sits squarely in his lap, offering her neck, “Hi Steve, I’m Annie,” and she guides his hand back around her waist and his nose into her throat.

There’s a moment where she can tell he takes over, and she lets herself relax in his strong grip. He nuzzles into her neck, scenting her deeply, and she slowly leans down to do the same.

Oh. Oh no.

“Oh, oh my god, Steve—” she mewls— yeah, fucking mewls— into his skin, and is horrified to feel his pulse under her tongue.

Annie, you are fucking licking this man. Get yourself together.

No. He tastes delicious.

And it’s true— Steve tastes like actual Summer Storms and strong, Espresso Lattes, and she cannot keep her mouth off of him.

The other two Omegas are chuckling from the other side of the nest, and she huffs in irritation, trying her absolute hardest to pull away from this Alpha’s body.

“S— sorry, fuck. I can’t believe. You’re just... you’re just so—” get it together, Annie.

“Hey,” Steve thrums, and she looks up into his deep, blue eyes, “I’m flattered— no harm done. For the record... I think you smell delicious, too,” and he winks at her, making a point to squeeze her tighter before they separate.

“Peeeete,” she whines, falling back to look at her packmate, “we’re marrying them, right?”

Peter giggles, “Seems like we might be.”

ProudSatisfiedContentAlpha absolutely saturates the nest, and all three Omegas turn to look, suddenly thirsty for Steve’s Coffee.

Bucky moves first, putting the smaller Omegas behind him and moving quickly to his Alpha. Annie watches as they share a quiet moment, before both men turn towards them with similar fond expressions.

“Sorry, uh— let's go see our Betas, okay?” Steve asks, ushering them back towards the entrance.

Annie and Peter stumble out of the nest, waiting to be led back to the living room. Bucky is careful to turn the lights out and straighten the nest, displaying the care and importance he obviously places in his home. Steve loops his arm around Bucky’s shoulders, pulling him in for a quick kiss, before giving him a playful shove to get them moving down the hallway.

It’s clear the Betas are laughing and enjoying each other’s company as they arrive, and Annie heads quickly to Clint’s side, ruffling his hair and accepting a kiss on the cheek. Steve sits in an unoccupied loveseat, but Bucky doesn’t go to join him. Instead, he and Peter exchange a few words and Bucky sits next to Tony, ducking under his arm.

The room is quiet— only a few whispers between Tony and Bucky— and Peter turns to settle onto Clint’s lap. Annie lets him go, watching as Peter scents— no, scent-marks— him thoroughly, rubbing the combined scent of Alpha and Omegas into his skin. Clint’s breathing picks up and he looks at Peter, confused.

“Omega, what—”

“Hush,” Peter grabs his face, whispering intensely, “you are going to ask that Alpha to scent you, and you’re gonna go sit on his lap. Don’t you dare come back to us until you smell like him, do you hear me?”

Clint looks properly chastised as Peter hops up off his lap, grabs Annie’s hand, and pulls them to sit with Bucky and Tony on the couch.

They watch Clint’s internal crisis as he walks over to Steve’s seat, obviously uncomfortable but oh so stubborn and determined.

He stops in front of Steve, who looks up in question, “Steve.”

“Clint.”

“I need… Can I— can I formally scent you?”

Steve actually looks shocked, “I… yeah, of course, Clint. Whatever you’d like.”

Clint looks back at them— Bucky flashing him two thumbs up— and steels himself, grabbing Steve’s shoulders before climbing onto his lap. Steve raises his hands, obviously not expecting the submissive posture, and looks to their couch for some direction.

Both Bucky and Tony give him a shrug. Helpful.

When Clint settles in, wiggling a few times, Steve bares his throat and lowers his eyes in submission. Every person in the room gasps, and Bucky might even let out a small, hysterical laugh.

Clint doesn’t say a thing. He leans in and gently presses his nose to Steve’s pulse point, audibly inhaling. His body visibly relaxes, and he pulls Steve in to scent him in return.

Annie settles back against Peter, letting the three men fold her into their embrace. The room feels light and heavy at the same time. All six packmates are relaxed— breathing in each others’ scents and eyes closed to the warmth of close bodies. The joy of shared kisses.

Behind her, there are soft sounds of kisses and whispered promises being exchanged. In front of her, her best friend and future Alpha are wrapped in an intimate embrace, crying and clutching at each others’ faces.

There’s a hand on her shoulder, and she turns to face Peter’s half-lidded, giddy expression,

“I love you so much, Annie.”

He leans down— kissing her head, her eyelids, and her nose— and holds her close as he presses a tender kiss onto her lips. Both of their eyes close, and they smile into each others’ mouths. Peter gives a small nip to her bottom lip as both of them break apart laughing.

They look up and see Steve and Clint, finally standing and making their way to the couch. Annie opens up her arms to catch Clint as he dives forward, and all of them groan as he gets comfortable in their arms.

Annie glances up, watching Steve. The Alpha looks so proud and happy— and even as Bucky and Tony start to whine about being hungry, it seems as though the only thing Steve wants is to make his pack happy.

And that’s something Annie can get on board with.

#starker #winteriron #winterspider #stucky #stony #spiderhawk #ofc #spidershield #steve rogers #tony stark #bucky barnes #peter parker #fluff #nesting #MiGLT #omegaverse

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khaotic-kitsunes · 4 years ago

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Compassion

Hello! Okay, so I’m doing...alright? I guess hahaha

Things have been hectic and shit, some fun stuff, some not so fun stuff. Life. Really. Anywho! This request? I love. I FUCKING LOVEEEEE

It was so much fun to write up and it nearly became office sex but like, I resisted. However, if someone wants to hit me the fuck up for a part two...???

Hope this was to your liking! I didn’t wanna just cut it off, so I did a few things here and there! Please let me know what you think because, well, uh...it fuels my dumbassery?? I dunno. Enjoy.

Cheeky Kitsune 🦊💋

��Ah…”

You stared into the dark alleyway with wide eyes, your mouth falling open as heavy steps grew closer to you; a large shadow approaching, quiet grunts and low groans of effort reaching you before your eyes could make out the person belonging to the shape in front of you.

What was supposed to be a quick shortcut to your modest home had now turned into a strange encounter that left you staring at what appeared to be two men; one unconscious and the other barely managing to hold himself up, let alone the man on his shoulder.

“You’re hurt…” You trailed off as your eyes landed on the bloodied stains on their clothes, instinctively taking a step closer despite the sharp voice that demanded you back off; threats fell on deaf ears while concerns for their survival rose within you. You grabbed onto his free arm without thinking, quickly dragging the them back the way they came and towards your home; where you would be able to help them.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing lady!?” You glanced back at the man, motioning for him to quiet down as you stepped out of the alleyway and dragged him along to your front door; releasing him only when you had to search for your house keys.

“I’m taking you in here to treat you. You’re covered in blood and if you’re wandering the alleyways like that, I doubt you’ll want me to take you to a hospital.” You paused, turning to grab onto his arm with one hand while inserting your key into the lock, turning it to unlock the door. Even though you had no idea who the two men were or how they had gotten their injuries; you simply couldn’t ignore them, nor could you allow them to leave without being looked at.

“I am a certified doctor, so shut up and get inside before you drop dead from a loss of blood.” You narrowed your eyes at the man, finally able to take in his appearance; finding yourself to be shocked at how young he appeared to be. Though you still couldn’t get a good look at the man he carried; the only thing you knew about him was that he was unconscious.

“…Tch, fine.”

~ ~ ~

“Here you go…and this is for your friend if he wakes up”

You set down the tray onto a nearby table gently, barely making a sound while the man who you had learnt to be called Eijiro, watched you with a sceptical gaze; not trusting you despite the fact that you had already patched both of them up to the best of your abilities given the limited supplies you had in your home.

“Thanks.” He dropped his gaze to the cups of hot chocolate and fresh biscuits that you had brought to them, reaching out for one of the cups almost hesitantly while you sat across from him, your head tilted in vague curiosity.

“…Your wounds were deep and he almost bleed to death. I’ve done the best I can but without the proper equipment, you’re still in danger of opening your wounds and tearing your stitches. My best advice would be to rest until your wounds are properly healed, take antibiotics to prevent infections and absolutely no heavy lifting.” You spoke softly, watching as he began to gulp down the drink you provided, his hand already stretching out towards the biscuits; as if he had finally relaxed. Food being the key.

“Can’t do that.” The words were muffled as biscuits were shoved into his mouth, crimson gaze meeting your own; still guarded, yet thankfully a lot less hostile than before.

“I see, then that must mean you’re eager for death” You let out a sigh, closing your eyes before opening them and looking towards your bed, where the second man laid, previously unconscious; though the low groans that came from him made it sound like he had finally woken up.

“Oi, you should leave him alone lady!” You ignored Eijiro as you moved towards the bed, gently pressing your hands against the man’s shoulders and preventing him from sitting up; ignoring the confused and frantic look in his eyes for the moment. Your biggest concern was to stop him from tearing the stitches he had needed; his injuries were by far the worst of the two and if they re-opened now, a hospital would be inevitable if he didn’t want to die.

“Stop it. Calm down before you try moving” His eyes darted over towards Eijiro, who had moved closer when you grabbed a hold of his friend; relaxing at the slight nod he was given and though he completely ignored anything you had said, he had stopped moving.

“…Dunno why but she’s helping us” Eijiro kept his voice quiet as he approached the two of you, causing you to step back, allowing the two of them their space and hopefully help them relax a little more.

“Instead of worrying about that, help him sit up. Carefully! He needs to eat and a warm drink wouldn’t kill him either” You turned your back to them, moving to pick up the tray from the table before approaching them once more; watching as Eijiro helped his friend sit up, even going as far as to move some pillows behind his back so that he didn’t have to use up all of his energy. It was nice to see.

“Thank you…” You nodded your head in response to the man’s quietly spoken words, gently setting the tray down on his lap; holding out the cup of hot chocolate to him so that it wouldn’t spill and cause more damage to the injured man.

“You can thank me by resting. For him, it’s optional but I cannot stress this enough. You nearly died from your injuries and if I hadn’t found you both, you would be dead.” You took a step back as you spoke, running a hand through your hair and letting out a tired sigh; it had been a long day, as well as your only day off for the week and now there was only a few hours before your next shift at the local hospital.

“Alright, I understand.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Hey! Eijiro, Tamaki, what the hell do you think you’re doing!?”

You managed to pull your arm free as Eijiro dragged you into a room, soon followed by Tamaki who blocked the doorway to prevent you from attempting to escape; the two of them had visited you during your lunch break. It had been a pleasant surprise until you found yourself being led into a building you had never seen before, for reasons they refused to explain.

“Boys, I told ya to be gentle with our precious guest.” A shiver raced through your body at the sound of the new voice, deep and sweet like honey; causing your eyes to dart to the door, seeing that Tamaki had stepped out the way to allow a giant of a man to enter the room.

“Now, this must be the little lady you were telling me about. The one that helped you when you were dying. Is that right?” Your mouth fell open as you stared up at the man, speechless while he addressed the two you had saved over a month ago now; it wasn’t clear what they wanted with you, but given the line of conversation, you prayed that things wouldn’t go south.

“That’s right, crazy lady took us to her home, patched us up, gave us her own bed then left us alone in her home to leave whenever while she went off to work” Eijiro chuckled as he spoke, shaking his head and placing his hand on your shoulder gently, offering a relaxed grin that you hadn’t before seen in an attempt to sooth your obvious worries. Despite how hard you found it to take your eyes off of the man that had entered the room.

“Relax, would ya? This is our boss. He wanted to thank you himself but we didn’t know if you’d come along with us since…” Eijiro trailed off when his boss raised his hand slightly, a signal that he had spoken too much from the looks of things; not that you were about to press him for more details. The less you knew, felt like the better.

“Why don’t the two of you give us a few minutes alone. I’ve got something I’d like to discuss with miss (Name).” No other words were needed, Tamaki and Eijiro quickly left the room, closing the door behind them and leaving you alone with a terrifyingly giant man that for some reason, seemed as if he meant you no harm; despite how you were brought to the room.

“Please, take a seat.” He motioned towards a seat while stepping past you, taking his own seat on the other side of the desk you had been standing in front of; watching you with a curious golden gaze.

“I promise not to bite, unless you’d like me to” He flashed a reassuring smile at you, similar to the one that Eijiro had offered you moments ago while you sat across from him hesitantly; fidgeting with your clothes out of nerves.

“I’m going to have to pass on that offer, I have a shift to get back to…about half an hour ago if I’m not mistaken.” You were surprised at how calm your voice sounded, given the nerves that currently raced through your system. Yet somehow, it was a manageable feat.

“Ah, yes. Your job at the local hospital…exactly what I wanted to have a chat about” He leaned back into his chair as he watched you, silent for a moment before reaching into one of the drawers of his desk; pulling out a piece of paper filled with small print that you couldn’t quite read from that distance.

“Now, to start with, my name is Taishiro Toyomitsu and you saved two of my best and most loyal men. Eijiro and Tamaki…for that, you already have my gratitude and my protection. However, I would like to offer you a better job that what you have” You blinked in surprise at his words, taking a moment to process exactly what he had said before rising to your feet and slamming your hands down onto his desk.

“What?! No, I can’t!” He chuckled at your refusal, motioning for you to take your seat again before placing the piece of paper onto the desk; tapping it lightly.

“I understand you do a lot of fantastic work at your current place of employment, however, finding someone with your talent is an exceptionally hard task and I believe we could use your talents more than a hospital full of doctors. As it is, we have no one here with any medical knowledge. You would save lives if you worked with us and we would pay double whatever it is you currently get. Your hours would be kinder as well” Taishiro spoke calmly, stating the benefits that he could think of while you stayed standing there, staring at him with wide eyes and an open mouth; no idea how to take in the offer he was currently trying to get you to accept.

“…I can’t just leave my job…if you need a doctor then I suggest go to a hospital.” Your words seemed to cause the light-hearted air around him to disappear, replacing it with one of absolute seriousness; not something you enjoyed. Not with the dark look in his eyes.

“I see, you…don’t seem to understand. Then allow me to explain. Eijiro and Tamaki are members of my gang, my right-hand men. Which as you can probably guess, makes me the leader and while my offer to you is exactly that, an offer…I don’t believe it’s something you should turn down without thinking about it first” He paused, rising to his feet and picking up the paper he had placed on the desk, holding it out to you with a small smile decorating his features; though it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Tamaki will take you back to work, please. Consider my offer, you could save a lot of lives here…keep my family together. Those boys you saved really took a shine to you, made them feel safer than they have in a long time.”

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a-solitary-marshmallow · 4 years ago

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Do No Harm, Take No Shit; Chapter 2

Oh sweet mother of god, he had to see her. His princess. His Lady. The girl with a devilish smile, frightening intelligence and the biggest heart he’d ever seen in one person. The girl who brought him surprise croissants on bad days and made the lucky charm that lived in his breast pocket, resting above his heart.

He had to see her. He had to tell her he was sorry and beg her forgiveness for being so useless. For not seeing her before.

“Do what you have to do.” Plagg sighed from his desk.

“Plagg, claws out!”

He didn’t care that he was in track pants and an old shirt, or that wet hair dribbled down the nape of his neck. As soon as Adrien’s mask manifested he leapt from the window and into the chilling night air.

In only a few minutes Chat Noir reached the hospital. Room number, room number. Alya had mentioned it over the phone when she’d visited Marinette in the afternoon. Adrien hadn’t been allowed to go.

He landed on the windowsill with shaking breaths. Chat Noir tried to peer inside but all he could see was a dark room, equipment and a nondescript hospital bed, all in shades of night-vision green. There was someone in the bed but he couldn’t see who it was under the blanket.

She was sleeping. Even in this was her room, Chat Noir had come during the night. Of course she was sleeping! It was dark and she must be tired. Chat Noir couldn’t wake her up for a stupid visit. He hadn’t even thought about what to say.

He turned to leave, kicking himself, and then he heard a click.

Chat Noir looked around slowly to where Marinette sat up in bed staring at him, a lamp illuminating the room. Chat Noir felt his cheeks flush and he pointed to the window.

Marinette nodded. He eased it open and landed lightly on the sterile floor.

“Chat Noir.” Her voice was so achingly familiar. Why had he never seen it before? He tried to study her face but all he could see were bruises, dressing, and the heavy pink cast on her arm. Her lower lip was swollen. “To what do I owe this visit?”

Chat Noir’s eyes burned, and Marinette looked concerned.

“Chat?”

Chat Noir walked over to her and knelt shakily to kiss her non-broken hand. It was small and cold, terrifyingly so. How had he never noticed how small she was before? Ladybug had always seemed big – her confidence made up for any lack in stature, but now she seemed very little in a big hospital bed.

“My Lady, I – I’m so sorry. I should have been there.” Tears blurred his vision so he kept his gaze on the bed sheets. “I should have done more. I’m sorry, Marinette.”

Even now, her name tasted sweet on his lips. Marinette’s breath hitched – then she sighed and squeezed his hand. “It wasn’t your fault, Kitty.” He didn’t look up to see the smile he could hear in her voice. “But how’d you figure me out?”

Chat Noir wiped his eyes with his other palm. “You – you kept asking for Tikki.”

“Oh.” Marinette said dumbly. “Huh. How about that?”

“Can I…” Chat faltered. “Can I stay for a bit? I don’t want to go yet.”

“Of course.” Marinette scooched over, giving him room to crawl up next to her. He laid his cheek on the warm pillow and Marinette smiled at him, bruised and beautiful.

Some time passed, and then Chat Noir said, “So now that I know the identity of our resident Ladybug, am I permitted to know the name of the boy who has captured her heart?” Marinette flushed adorably. The words tasted bitter, but Chat Noir forced a crooked smile. “A certain blue-haired musician, perhaps?”

Marinette blinked. “What, Luka?” And that wasn’t going quite to script, leaving him even more confused than before. He was sure Marinette and Luka were a thing – they had a double date together at the ice rink!

“But…” He said dumbly. Marinette shook her head firmly.

“No, I don’t love Luka. We’re friends. Not that it’s any of your business, silly cat.” She whacked him lightly on the shoulder and Chat Noir snickered.

“So, what’s the lucky boy like?” He teased. Marinette groaned and hid her face in her one useable hand. “Oh come on Milady, I won’t tell anyone. Cat’s honour.” He crossed his heart for good measure. She paused for a moment.

“He’s… kind. And so sweet. He isn’t very good with people but he tries so hard, anyone can see. Naive,” She chuckled, “but so adorable.”

Chat Noir bit down a sting of jealousy. “He sounds like a great guy.”

“He is!” Marinette gushed. And even though it hurt him, he could watch her talk about this boy for hours. Her eyes sparkled and she glowed with happiness. “At first I didn’t like him, I thought he was just another rude rich kid, but we talked and I just… fell for him. And he’s so gentle, Chat. There’s this girl in our class who keeps hanging off him and it obviously makes him uncomfortable, but he doesn’t want to hurt her by telling her off, which is kind of upsetting because Adrien deserved to have his boundaries respected but it’s not my place to tell her to back off.”

She continued, but Cat Noir only heard static. Adrien. Like, his name, Adrien. Did Marinette know another Adrien who attended their class? Because if not then she could only be talking about...

“Chat, you can’t tell anyone about this.” Marinette continued seriously. “Ugh, when Adrien’s around my heart absolutely melts, I can barely get through a conversation, let alone confess. As much as Alya tries to get me to.”

“Adrien?” Chat wheezed. “Like, Adrien Agreste? From the perfume ad?”

Marinette peered at him suspiciously. “Why the face? Do you like him too? That’s understandable, because he is adorable, but-”

Chat Noir burst out laughing.

Once it started it didn’t stop and he sat up, loud peals of laughter exploding through him. Of course. Of course it was like this. He cackled until his stomach and cheeks ached, and then he dissolved into a fit of giggles at the sight of Marinette’s face.

“If you’re quite done?” Marinette said dryly. Evidently he wasn’t because that got him started all over again.

When Chat finally got a hold of himself, Marinette was frowning at him. He ran a hand through his hair.

“Oh Mari, you won’t believe how stupid I’ve been. This is priceless.”

“What?” Marinette demanded. Chat Noir giggled into his hands and managed, “Claws in.”

Marinette let out a strangled yelp as his costume dissolved in a flash of light.

“OhmygodChatwhy – ADRIEN?”

Adrien grinned sheepishly at her. Marinette fumbled for words with a very panicked expression on her white face.

“You’re – you were – OH SHIT I REJECTED YOU!”

Adrien cackled again. “You see?”

Marinette clapped her hands over her mouth – then she too started giggling. “Oh my god, we’re both idiots. But – but Aspik!” She pointed at his face accusingly. Adrien rubbed the back of his neck.

“Well, I was flattered that you chose me – civilian me, I mean. And anyway, what about Multimouse? I swear I saw Ladybug and Multimouse standing side-by-side.”

Now Marinette flushed. “I, um, used Trixx’s power for that bit. I couldn’t have you figuring out my identity, and – stop laughing!” She grabbed her pillow to pummel him one-handedly.

Adrien wheezed through cackles, “You could have just said something like I did-”

“I WAS BEING CAUTIOUS!”

“Ugh, get a room.” Plagg groaned from behind Adrien. The pesky kwarmi had been sitting there the whole time, hadn’t he? Adrien’s face burned.

Marinette ceased her ruthless attack to bury her face in her hands and mumble, “Hi Plagg.”

“Howdy.” The kwarmi replied dryly. “Finally. Do you know how annoying it was to watch you two dance around each other?”

A bright red blur zipped from under the bed to bump against Plagg affectionately. Tikki herself. Adrien waved to her and she beamed back, but it only lasted a second before shifting to something serious.

“While this is sweet, I think we have bigger things to talk aboit right now – mainly Lila.”

Damn, Tikki’s voice was squeaker than he remembered. “Lila?” Adrien echoed, noticing as Marinette flinched. “What about her? Oh, you’re Ladybug, so her claiming to be your best friend is kinda messed up. Especially since everyone knows I’m–”

He broke off as Marinette lifted a hand for quiet, biting her lip.

“Did I miss something?” Adrien looked between kwarmi and wielder. Marinette’s eyebrows were pulled tight and she looked uncertain, an expression he didn’t often see on his Lady’s face.

Marinette took a breath and Adrien waited for her to talk. She did, slowly. “I don’t remember most of what happened today. But… Tikki does, and she says that Lila tripped me. And it isn’t the first time she’s done something like this.” She mumbled almost to herself. Adrien’s ears roared.

“She what?” He snarled. Marinette looked away. “She. Tripped you? What the fuck is wrong with her? Wait wait wait, what do you mean this isn’t the first time?”

Marinette flushed, her eyes locked on the bed sheets. Adrien took her hands.

“Marinette, please, talk to me.”

“She… threatened me.” Marinette mumbled, making Adrien’s blood burn. “Told me she’d take you, and all my friends. And she spills coffee on me and when I get upset she makes it seem like I’m in the wrong. And she keeps shaming me for asking to be paid for commissions, and she ruined my art project and got me expelled and she trips me when we’re alone and once she threw a book at my head and,” Marinette looked up with tears in her eyes, “And she’s taking Alya away from me. She’s making everyone think I’m a liar.” Marinette’s voice cracked, as did Adrien’s heart.

“She threatened you?” Adrien whispered. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Marinette hiccupped. “I-I was afraid you wouldn’t believe me-”

Oh, no, no this wouldn’t stand. Adrien pulled Marinette to his chest and buried his face in her hair as she shook. “I’m so sorry, Marinette, that you’ve had to do this alone. I’m sorry I made you think I wouldn’t take your side. I’m so sorry I told you to ignore her and left you to deal with her all by yourself, and I promise, I will always have your back, I will always believe you. Please don’t feel like you have to keep things from me.”

Marinette sniffled and wrapped her arms around him, which seemed like a good start on the road for forgiveness. Oh fuck, he had messed up so badly. Marinette could have died. He owed her so many chocolates and flowers and get well soon cards, and as for Lila…

“That girl is going to pay.” Adrien growled into Marinette’s hair. She pulled back enough to meet his gaze, and there was something steely in her tear-filled eyes.

“Way ahead of you, kitty. I have a plan.”

“You know I’m all in.” Adrien kissed her forehead, making her squeak in alarm. “Whatever you need.”

“…though it may take a while.” Marinette admitted. “I’ll need to be out of my cast so no one gets suspicious.”

“In the meantime, we can prepare. And – if my lady permits it – I might be given a second chance?”

“Second chance?” Marinette echoed. Adrien winced. She was so sweet, she didn’t even know what he was talking about. She’d probably already forgiven him. He didn’t deserve her – none of their classmates did, either.

“For being a terrible partner.” He explained. Marinette’s eyes widened.

“Chat Augustus Cornelius Noir, you take that back right this second.”

He blinked at the ferocity of her tone. “But-”

“No buts. You didn’t know about Lila, how could you have done anything about it?”

“But I let it happen right under my-” Marinette’s glare made Adrien choke to a halt. They stared at each other for a moment before she poked him.

“Enough with the self-deprecation. It’s been disallowed. None of this was your fault. Okay?”

“Okay.” Adrien echoed.

“Good.” Marinette said severely. Oh, he loved her.

“Will-” Adrien blurted out. “I mean – um – would you – can I get you lunch some time?”

Marinette’s eyes widened comically, her cheeks flushing. “Er. Yes. I’d really lo – like that. To get lunch.”

“O-Okay.” Adrien stammered. Wow, real eloquent. He could hear Plagg snickering at him.

There was a shuffling through the wall, and they tensed. What would happen if a nurse walked in and found a strange boy in Marinette’s room? From the look in Marinette’s eye she seemed to be having the same thought.

“I’ll come back tomorrow.” Adrien whispered. Marinette nodded. “Claws out.”

Chat Noir leaned down to kiss Marinette’s hand before ducking through the window and into the Paris night sky, feeling lighter than he had in years.

#dnhtns #fic #my writing #ladybug #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #chat noir #part 2

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this-is-my-main-i-follow-from · 4 years ago

Text

I already wrote this post, but I’m coming backk up to the top to put a cut bc it’s p long.

my brother is singing falsettos out loud & I’ve already had a stressful day bc I’ve done nothing (lack of structure & lack of productivity gives me really bad anxiety) & he’s either singing out of key & out of time, or it just sounds really bad without the music. He’s the only one who can hear the music bc HeadPhones. & also the falsettos is probably really bad for my mom bc she’s mad that dad left her, esp bc the house is a mess & stressing her out & she needs to go grocery shopping & he used to do that “but now he doesn’t because he stopped loving [her]”, so my bro singing fucking falsettos is really bad. I can’t cook supper bc I don’t have a recipe & the stuff is still frozen & idk what kind of dough I should make & besides the kitchen is a mess & he won’t fucking clean it. I mean it’s also partially my fault bc I’m a lazy adhd mofo, but it’s his job today & my job to cook. I need to get into the kitchen & cook before mom & my OTHER brother get home from shopping but I can’t bc he’s just drawing & singing & the singing is so annoying- I was trying to listen to a thing but I couldn’t fricking hear it bc adhd auditory processing disorders, it didn’t have fucking subtitles or anything & it was not great audio quality & I couldn’t differentiate between the words he was singing, & I couldn’t hear the quiet parts when they overlapped with his singing. I wasn’t going to write all of this I was just going to say that his singing makes me want to cut myself, but apparently there’s a lot more to it. also I don’t want to end up cooking while mom is home bc I don’t have any drawings on my arm & mom is fucking nosy & wants to see my scars so I have to work extra hard at hiding them but even with ppl who arent nosy, like my little bro I don’t like them out, but the longer my older bro sits there fucking yelling out of key, the longer I’m delayed & I won’t be able to cook. By this point, I won’t even be able to cook the meal I was planning on, I have so much shit to do I’ve missed so much & I’m so behind, but I’m so incapable of doing anything like i can’t do chores bc I use the excuse I have homework but I never fucking do my homework so I’m also behind in school & even with the stuff I like like dnd & writing & violin I can’t do, & I skipped online kung fu & I’ve been slacking off under so many excuses but I’m just being lazy & anxious & I also gained so much weight & it makes my body feel so bad & i know this isn’t my body’s happy weight & being fat makes my boobs bigger & I’m fucking trans & I hate them I even tried cutting them off myself & ended up waiting 15 hours to go to the hospital so that I wouldn’t make mom suspicious (& they put me through triage really fast bc apparently I did a lot of dammage- I was planning on giving myself stitches, but my icepack melted & I couldn’t numb my body anymore so they’re lucky I even went to the hospital, it was bad bc I had to walk 20 minutes either way weighted down with a fucking toolbox & I waited outside in the cold bc my phone died & thus:) mom found out anyways so I lied to her about going to buy drugs bc obv /that’s/ a better idea than telling her I went to the hospital & SHUT UP UNNAMED OLDER BROTHER ok he’s between songs now. If I told mom I went to the hospital she would ask why & be like “y didn’t u tell me” & “r u cutting urself again” & like yeah bitch I have been for a while ik the social worker said I should tell you a codeword, but I don’t do that bc u blame yourself or cry or want to talk about & I yes I fucking cut myself what of it? Yeah I tried fucking removing my own left breast, bc u arent’ supportive of medical transitioning, at least not when they’re ur kids. Ur mad at dad bc he got a tattoo bc it’s body modification & thus uncatholic, but u’ll support ur catholic university friends gettin gtheir eldest daughter a reduction bc her boobs are big & painful- bitch what’s so different about me? I went so far as to try giving myself a reduction, you say you’re concerned about me mutilating my body & making bad decisions, but, you know what? because of this I have legitimately mutilated my body, & made a dangerous & bad decision. isn’t autosurgery proof that I need top surgery bc it’s a danger to my life if I don’t get it? The government is able to pay for it I think & bc it’s a danger to my health (& i get pain & I can’t work out & I get back pain & my skin pulls & hurts & if I jump my tissues yank my skin & it hurts & it puts so much strain on my back, & binding gives me pain, so I need a reduction as much as your catholic university friends’ daughter does) I should be abe to qualify. Even if I don’t qualify yet & have to wait two years, at least that would be the start of two years now instead of in a long time, I mean, mum, you say you want me to talk about it & you’re afraid I’m rushing into it? guess what? They are too! the healthcare system will make me do a bunch of shit to qualify, & tbh, I think that they are better qualified to talk to me about surgery & what I really want than you. Fucking finally, I hope my brother is done his play & finally shuts up. TA MA DE FUCK NO HE’S STARTING AGAIN CROWS DAMN IT CROWS CROWS CROWS & MAGGOTS I”m not even gonna be able to make anythiung for supper & i have no ideas besides the long one which I don’t have time for anymore. fine. whatever. I’ll go SH in my room. I won’t even work on fanfic bc I’m too fucking adhd & broken. I fucking hate it when ppl say “we;re all a bit adhd” like no bitch shut the fuck up, we all struggle with the things adhd ppl struggle with sometimes, but adhd is a neurological condition that makes those struggles so commonplace & intense that it affects our everyday lives. & no. adhd does not mean we’re more creative. Even if we do have more likeliihood of coming up with funky ideas, most of us struggle to articulate them or understand them, or we forget them as soon as they come. you’re not adhd bc you’re a little more creative, youre just an ableist asshole & fuck you. adhd isn’t creativity its’ a fucking disability. I’m directing this at those fucking parents who have the lovely nd daughter who gave me a hug, but you two are motherfuckers. Yeah I get thaat adhd, once you learn how to mannage it, can be useful, & I understand that part of the reason this disability is so hard is bc society isn’t designed for it (like a lefty using right hand scissors), but ot’s still fuxking REAL & if you can’t deal with it yet, it 100% is a disanbility. OK? Ok. I had smth I was going to say earlier, but I got distracted by smth else that made me mad, so I never got around to it. Youo know what I love? I fucking love how tumblr has next to no character limit so I can just type as much as I want. You know what I don’t like? I’ll probably get deactivated by some SJW maggot-eaten crow-fucker who thinks that my rant& mentioning my failed ed & my self harm (oh fuck shut up, my brother is chanting “dumb”) so anyways some fucking sjw fuck-hole will report this post & my blog & I’ll be deactivated for simply getting angry on tumblr. It’s fucking tumblr! You used to be able to say whatever you needed to say! But now, esp us ppl w EDs, have no safe place to talk about our issues (at least, not w/o fear of gettin gterminated for “encouraging” EDs, when we’re just trying to help ourselves). Anywasy, sorry for all the swears & go se, I swear when I’m mad. I’m gonna go do smth, idk what. Can’t be anything productive, Can’t even be unproductive stuff I like, like watching youtubem, or smth cathartic like playing fiddle. I might just go & bleed a bit & ignore everything for a while. I nkow that the world will still be stressful when I get back, & I’ll still have to cook, & I’ll still be behind in school, & mom will still be broken-hearted over dad, but I’m feeling calmer just thinking about it so that’s what I’ll do.

#dom personal #vent #various triggers

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imaginaryhuman · 3 years ago

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Insecurities, Fortitude and the Unfortunate Phenomenon of Gatekeeping

Note:

1. I'm trying to not be afraid of my own opinions (this will probably get a different word wall)

2. This isn't a hot take or a "permanent opinion". It's just...current. I think opinions fit a dynamic mold. Or I think it should since circumstances change and experiences can change thought processes.

3. My initial draft for this was a lot more aggressive and angry. When I started writing, I thought I would only tackle the one thing I was very familiar with (insecurities), then I read an article that miffed me a bit because of the gatekeeping vibes, and for a while, I was angry about it but then I realized how common it was. I've heard it from my brothers, I've experienced it with fandoms, with books, with cooking, and with running. There's even a subreddit for it! 👀

It's not like I'd wake up one day and it will be gone. Still, it does push me a few steps back when it comes to conquering slight misanthropy. But it matters to me to say this cause I grew up seeing myself as some last draw.

_____________________________________________________________

"I feel most responsible for myself when I'm insecure" I've wanted to expound on this for a while so here goes:

I've grown to have an intimate (and rather painful) relationship with insecurities. I was a sickly child so I would be in and out of hospitals so frequently that establishing young friendships didn't come easy. Some kids didn't take kindly to impermanence too and it's not anyone's fault. It just happened to be that way. Growing up, I came to realize that I wasn't exactly great at anything. Had I not been exposed to extraordinary minds, maybe I would have come to terms with it much kindly except I wasn't. I always thought that people around me were brilliant, smart, and talented (until now). To the point where I felt the need to alienate myself from it all so I could remain in the forefront of my own mind.

Comparisons come naturally but having them weigh on you is a different ball game altogether. Learning ways out of it is always challenging because insecurities aren't just a singular form of monster-- Sometimes it's about the future, sometimes it's body image, sometimes it's the gripping idea of not being enough for anything you love and it's all so cursed and horrible.

There was that time when more things were piled up on the mental shelving. I was talking shit about someone. Sure, people do it all the time but I think that time I was... viciously and purposelessly nitpicking. Everything I could say about that person, I said it. Totally not proud of that moment and a friend thought so too! First, they told me to shut the fuck up. Just like that, really. Next is they pointed it out. As in told me "V, you have a problem and it's really fine being a total hater but you're not usually like this with other things you dislike. What's wrong?" and then we EXPLORED. Doing this can be so cringe a lot of times but hey, we face the music in this club! I was happy to not be thinking about it alone and the experience made me learn a new way of confronting things and issues that make me feel insecure.

We talked about the whats, whys, and hows of being one hell of a hater and how even if certain reasons are justified. Like, okay, someone did something bad to you and you hate them for it? That's totally valid. Do you find certain traits a bit off your tastes? that's valid too! But even if they are valid feelings, most of the time it's not enough to justify certain actions. The thing is, we don't really have the right to be so up in someone's business about every little thing they do. It's frustrating and I feel like a hypocrite saying this sometimes because I have the obsessive compulsion to keep everyone at arm's length but I feel like there's a parameter where peoples' businesses either become something welcome or becomes a blip on a radar that I'd aggressively shoot down. Although I know that my radar can get too wide and that I need some willpower to hold back snark and suspicion. What can I say, I'm weak to any notions of ill-intent (a byproduct of assault).

But fortitude would sometimes come from borrowed words:

"Don't deny yourself what you think but don't do yourself a disservice by not figuring out what it really is about"

I was told then. To be truthful but exercise tact (I'm neither tactful, clever nor silent hence the trouble that follows) and to be mindful of the undercurrents of my thoughts. I think it's important to take a step back and at least ask yourself the most honest and genuine whys.

Insecurity has a bad rep and is too often used derogatorily for something so common and rather natural. But I feel that ultimately, insecurity stems from an understanding of what you don't have and the frustration of having aspirations. Having aspirations being a good thing but the frustration makes us people act up in so many different ways. For me, insecurities have primarily manifested themselves through the urge to just hide everything that makes me happy because I couldn't (and it's still hard to) stand digs at the things I do to keep me sane. Plus I've always thought them (happy things) few and temporary so that's that. Younger me was weird about it omg.

The rule in this house now though is to express what makes me happy and I think I've saved up a bit of grit to not allow myself to be gatekept (by others and by myself**) from those happy things! I love a lot of things (baking, running, reading, pets, anime & manga, drawing...) and the gatekeeping going on with all those? Surprisingly plenty! A totally different word block (that I won't write because I think this has to be put to rest here), really, and also a total nightmare. But how it applies in the realm of insecurities is... Oh, boi. Ignore it-- it's just bad news as it is strong fuel to a fire you don't want to keep going. If you love doing what you do and you're not hurting anyone then just keep going. I know for a fact that the things I love doing are loved by many others too because running? Creating things? Reading? These are things worth loving without it having to be a competitive chore (If you wanna challenge goals though then hey! Good on you! YOU CAN DO IT!)

Draw your lines, plan your layering in a way that fits your style. Use the tools that work for you. Put on your shoes and get going. I'm only particular with speed because I want to get better (and lol I am not fast) but just being out there and moving? That's already running. Fail some recipes or nail em, whatever happens, just try. Fangirl over what you wanna fangirl about! Post it on your IG and all your other socials. A rather horrifying realization is that no matter what you do, someone's gonna take a dunk at ya. Worse, you can be intentionally approached and engaged for that purpose primarily. It's okay (not really but... if it happens, it happens ). Even if you're used to it, it will still get to you but maybe less and less through time. When the voice of apprehension guides you to retaliate in the most painful way you know, just keep the fear at bay and be strong to not let that urge take over your words and actions. Be frustrated! It's fine! And I really don't support self-harm so please don't misunderstand when I say that when it comes to fear and insecurity, there's a lot you have to take on yourself so you don't hurt others. A lot to unpack between you and your brain. There are people who can love you without patronizing you and those you can trust to reign you in when you lose better judgment. Be honest and let them in.

Have that conversation.

Extras:

- AH! But I got to say this cause I also saw a post that said "if you haven't ran 50 to 100 miles, you don't know what a hard run is" wow. Fuck that guy. Actually, don't. He's probably not a fun date.

- this: "you can be intentionally approached and engaged for that purpose primarily" is from experience. An extra worse thing is to be vilified for retaliating. Like...was I just supposed to sit there and take it?

- I used to not like motivational quotes! I mean, I'm alright with them now for sure! We were talking about them and I was asked "What's wrong with properly credited borrowed words? You use them all the time since you like referencing songs." and it was like a tunnel of light appeared before me! Sorry for those whose post I've frowned at! I had an angst phase! I am very genuinely sorry 🙏🏻

#personal #self indulgent #insecurities #word wall #writing #opinions and commentary #fuck gatekeeping

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all-the-love-harold · 5 years ago

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Chapter 11- Hang in there, Baby

Master Post

August 15th 2021

Emily 31 Weeks

Poppy 27 Weeks

The summer sun shone brightly through the bedroom curtains as Poppy’s eyes flashed open. A sharp pain in her back had jolted her out of a deep sleep. The pain subsided and she gently rolled over to check the time on her phone, 6:36am. Oli would be awake soon so there wasn’t much point in trying to go back to sleep. She sat up a little, wincing at the pain in her back that was more of a dull ache now and her movements awoke Harry.

“ ‘s the time?” he groaned, still groggy with sleep. “It’s almost twenty to 7,” Poppy whispered. “And Oli’s still asleep so shhhh!” she hushed.

Harry rolled over so that he could see Poppy and placed his hand gently on the swell of her belly, “and how’s our little girl?” he asked softly, smiling as he always did when he talked about his daughter.

“I think she’s still sleeping too, had her mother up at 3am kicking like a mad woman!”

“No doubt she’s your daughter then,” Harry laughed

“I don’t kick in my sleep,” Poppy said, sounding very sure of herself, arms crossed over her chest in defense.

“Yes, you do” he sighed, still laughing, resting his head on her chest “but it’s ok because I love you anyway.”

“I love yo-” Suddenly Poppy stopped talking and inhaled sharply, grabbing onto her back as another sharp pain hit her like a tonne of bricks.

“Are you OK?” Harry asked, sitting up properly now, his eyes narrowing as he watched her.

Poppy didn’t answer until the pain subsided into a dull ache again, “Yeah,” she nodded, I’m fine, it’s just my back...”

“Roll over, I’ll give you a massage.”

She groaned a little as she turned onto her side, careful not to land on her pregnant belly.

“Where’s it sore?” Harry’s hands hovered over her back.Poppy pointed to her lower back “Near my bum.”

Harry began massaging the spot where she had pointed and it instantly started to feel better. But before it had the chance to really help, Oli toddled through the door.

“Are we still having a baby party today Mum?” He asked, sliding into the bed next to her, ignoring everything else going on around him as though this question was the most important thing in the world right now.

“We are buddy, not until lunchtime though”...

“But the baby’s not coming today?”

“No, not today Ol, not for a while yet” Harry said, continuing to massage Poppy’s back, while also dropping a good morning kiss to his son’s forehead. “Is Emily’s baby coming today then?” he asked

“No, still another few weeks until Emily’s baby is here too.”

Oli sighed deeply, “I’m never gonna be a big brother!” he huffed dramatically, folding his arms over his chest, in an image of his mother about ten minutes earlier.

Harry and Poppy both giggled, which only sent another shooting pain up Poppy’s back. Harry felt her wince, the muscles seizing under his hands.

“Why don’t you go and have a hot bath, love? I’ll get Oli breakfast, come on mate.”

As much as she wanted to say no and have breakfast together which was their tradition whenever Harry was home, all she could really think about was how soothing the hot water would be rushing over her back so she nodded and pulled the covers back.

“Oli, why don’t you go on Daddy’s side, so Mum can get out of bed?”

Sometimes Poppy forgot that Oli was only four and didn’t think about things logically so instead of climbing out of bed and walking around to cuddle his dad, he rolled over his mother, making her groan in pain.

“Oliver,” Harry said sternly, “Next time, please walk around, remember there’s a baby in Mummy's tummy, you need to be gentle with her...”

“Sorry, daddy,” he sighed

Poppy tuned them out, focusing on her breathing to try and stop the pain in her back as she walked to the bathroom and turned on the hot water. She knew what this could be and she wasn’t willing to accept that possibility yet…

The steaming hot water washed over her and her body felt lighter and less painful. The baby must have felt it too because she started kicking as soon as the water covered Poppy’s belly.

“You can’t do this today, miss” Poppy breathed, trying to keep her voice calm, hands on her belly. “You’ve got to stay in there for a few more weeks yet. Okay?..... I can’t have another Violet.”

***

Whatever Poppy did that morning must have helped because by the time everyone arrived for the baby shower, her back was feeling better, which she was unbelievably thankful for. This shower meant a lot to her, and to Em, who had invited her entire family. It was a little chaotic with everyone there, Em’s brother had a son the same age as Oli and the two of them were running around like mad men, not at all bothered by all the baby related games that were going on in the garden.

“So... you got my baby sister pregnant?” Emily’s brother said to Harry as they both poured themselves a drink.

“Ahhh,” Harry laughed nervously “I guess I did…. Technically”

“Sorry,” the brother giggled, “I’ve always wanted to say that - I’m Peter.”

“Harry,” he held out his hand to shake Peter’s.

“I know,” Peter said, “My husband is a big fan!”

Harry couldn’t help but smile, “Sorry?” he said in a sarcastic tone .“No need,” Peter shook his head, “I’m a fan too, even more so since I heard how wonderful you’ve been to Em through this whole thing.”

“How could I not be?” Harry shrugged “She’s doing the most incredible thing for us and she's so graceful about it all!”

“She always has been, has she told you that surrogacy is how we had our little Henry?”

“She has,” Harry nodded “She told us that from the start, she said that’s why she wanted to do it.”

“We never did anything like this for our surrogate, she’s had no contact with us since actually... I don’t want that for Em, I want her to see this little boy grow up.”

“Em will always be a part of this family” Harry said “As long as she wants to be, everything here is on her terms.”

“You and Poppy are good people,” Peter nodded. “I have to admit though, when Em told me that Poppy fell pregnant, I was worried that you two were in this for the wrong reasons and I told her to be careful, but you’ve really proven me wrong. Thank you.”

“We didn’t know,” Harry sighed “When Poppy fell pregnant we didn’t know that we’d get to 27 weeks. We still don’t know how far we’ll get, we’re terrified all the time, but Em makes it easier, she keeps us focused on what we have right now, which is two babies and Oli.”

“You’ve got a very sleepless few months ahead of you,” Peter said, feeling a little awkward

“That we do,” Harry giggled.

On the other side of the garden, Poppy sat with Anne, Emily and her mum, Patricia, comparing pregnancy notes.

“When I was having Gemma, all I wanted was mash potato, I ate bucketloads of it...” Anne said when the topic of cravings came up

“Me too!” Em said, “My best friend makes the best mash, it’s so creamy. Shit. Now that’s all I can think about..”

“All I want is Vegemite,” Poppy said. “Harry’s perfected the art of Vegemite on toast this time around!”

“I tried that once,” said Patricia, “It’s awful stuff, I don’t know how you eat it.”

Poppy shrugged, “It’s an acquired taste, I’ve eaten it since I was a baby, so has Oli and he loves it too.”

“All I wanted when I was having Pete was feta cheese, I ate so much of the stuff and now Em tells me that you’re not supposed to eat soft cheeses! Explains a lot about Pete now that I think about it, actually,” she laughed teasingly.

“It’s just what they recommend, Mum,” Em said. “Soft cheeses can contain the listeria bacteria - there’s a very small chance they can make you sick, and to avoid harming the baby, they say not to eat it at all.”

“It pays to have an OB/GYN student around when you’re having a baby,” Poppy smiled. “Especially when she’s having a baby too!”

“Speaking of,” Emily smiled, placing her hand on her belly, “Your little boy has been kicking like a mad man today!”

“So has his sister,” Poppy giggled “feels like she’s doing backflips in there.”

“They’re going to be such good friends,” Anne said, a wide smile stretched across her face. “I wonder if they’ll have that twin telepathy thing...”

“They’re not twins,” Poppy said teasingly with a half smile stretched across her face.

“Let’s just wait and see,” Anne said, not giving up on the idea.

“Alright”, Gemma clapped getting everyone’s attention and drawing the conversation away from twin telepathy. “it’s party game time, I need everyone to come over here, we’re about to name a baby!”

The whole party gathered around the table that Gemma had set up, that was covered in onesies to decorate, a jar full of name suggestions, and some baby themed cupcakes and biscuits.

“Harry, Pop and Em, you get to sit here, right in front of everyone and take these red and green paddles. if you like the name, show us the green side, if you don’t, show us the red. You’re adults you probably could have worked that out for yourselves but anyway...” Gemma laughed

“Thanks Gem,” Harry said sarcastically as he sat down where he was told to

“Hey, it’s not my fault you can’t name your own child!”

“We’ve named one of them...” Poppy said defensively.

“You have,” Gemma said, “which brings me to the point that these are girls names only, since Baby Boy has been named.”

The pain in Poppy’s back returned, sharper than ever just as she sat down. She winced, while she waited for it to subside again, and tuned the rest of the conversation out.

Breathe.

That’s all she had to do right now.

A few big breaths and it will all go away.

But it didn’t and when Gemma started rambling about the ridiculous names that everyone had put in the jar, Poppy took the opportunity to tell Harry.

“Harry,” she whispered leaning over so that only he could hear, “I think I need to go to the hospital...”

His eyes widened, “What’s wrong?”

“I think the back pain is contractions.”

He nodded, already springing into action -“Are we being subtle about leaving? Or are we just going?”

“I think we just need to go” Poppy said breathlessly, another wave of pain taking over her body.

Harry stood up and laughed nervously, as everyone stopped talking and looked at him. “Poppy might be in labour...” he announced running his fingers through his hair “We’re going to go to the hospital.”

At that moment everyone ran over to crowd Poppy, which only made her feel worse.

“Are you having contractions?” Emily asked

“Back pain,” Poppy said through gritted teeth “it’s sharp and it comes and goes every few minutes.”

“That sounds like early labour,” Em nodded “Have you had any bleeding?”

“No,” Poppy shook her head.

“That’s good,” Em smiled “That means your mucus plug is still ok.”

Peter and his husband scrunched their noses at the thought of a mucus plug.

“What does that mean?” Anne asked, voice filled with concern.

“It means the doctors have a better chance of stopping it. “Ok we should go then,” Harry said immediately.

London traffic had never felt slower. They were barely out of their street before they were stopped and it took them five minutes to get to the main road that led to the hospital, which usually only took them 2. Poppy took the extra time to call their doctor and let her know that they were going to the hospital but even after that they were still 10 minutes away.

“Harry,” Poppy sighed. “I’m scared,” her voice broke a little as she admitted how she was feeling.

“Me too, Pop.” He grabbed onto her hand and squeezed it tight before bringing it up to his lips and placing a gentle kiss to it, “We’re going to be ok Pop.”

“She doesn’t even have a name yet!”

“She doesn’t need one,” Harry said optimiscally. “Her due date isn’t for another three months.”

“Harry, I don’t carry babies to term, her due date could very well be today!”

“They stopped it with Oli”, Harry said, turning his head towards her. “There’s nothing to say they won’t be able to stop it this time.”

“I was 28 weeks with Oli”, she sighed “I’m only 27 this time.”

“28 tomorrow,” Harry added,

“One day does make a difference H”.

“I know it does”, he sighed “But I’m trying to stop myself from thinking about what might happen if she arrives today. Let’s try and stay positive until we know more, ok?”

“OK.” Poppy nodded, that’s what she loved the most about Harry. He always looked at the bright side, sometimes to a fault, but today he was right, there was a chance that their little girl might arrive today, but there was an equal chance that she wouldn’t, and why not focus on that?

They pulled into the hospital driveway and Harry headed straight for the underground parking.

“Wait,” he said just before he got a ticket “are you going to be able to walk there if I park down here? Or do you want me to park near the entrance?”

“Harry’s it’s 1pm,” Poppy said reasonably, “There won’t be any parking up there, I’ll be fine to walk.”

“I can go up and get you a wheelchair,” he said, driving the car down the ramp

“I can walk H, I just want to get in there.”

“OK,” he said calmly, pulling into a free space and turning the car off. “Let’s go then.”

They entered A&E to chaos. The waiting room was filled with ill and injured people and Poppy felt a bit out of place until another wave of pain took over her while they waited in the queue to check in.

She squeezed Harry’s hand in an attempt to ease the pain and he asked her if she needed to sit down

“No, I’m OK,” she said, gritting her teeth, “I just want to talk to the nurse.”

“What brings you to A&E today my dear?” The nurse asked as they stepped up to the counter

“I think I’m in labour...” Poppy said

“How far along are you?”

“27 Weeks”

The nurse waved nonchalantly, “It’s probably just Braxton Hicks contractions dear, go home and rest”.

Poppy took a deep breath, not caring as her voice rose in volume, “This is a high risk pregnancy, I went into labour early with my son, and I lost a baby from early labour last year. This is not Braxton Hicks!”

The nurse looked stunned “OK. I’ll call the maternity ward and have one of the midwives come down and assess you. Take a seat.”

“Old Cow,” Poppy muttered to Harry as they took their seats. Harry giggled, “hey hey hey, treat people with kindness now Pop.” “I will when I’m not in labour” she half laughed and half winced at the pain of another contraction.

They didn’t have to wait long, only 10 minutes passed before a midwife came rushing in calling Poppy’s name. They were taken into one of the small examination rooms in A&E to be assessed before they could be admitted to the maternity ward. “How long ago did the pain start?”

“I had a dull ache in my back yesterday afternoon and this morning it turned it to sharp pains every so often,” Poppy said

“And have your waters broken?”

“No,” Poppy shook her head

“Good,” the midwife replied with a smile “any bleeding?”

“No.”

“Great,” she was taking notes on her clipboard

“Did you bring your pregnancy notes with you?”

Poppy looked towards Harry who had been holding them under his armpit the whole time.

“They’re here,” he said handing them to the midwife, who blushed when he smiled at her.

“So this isn’t the first time you’ve gone into labour in the second trimester?”

“No,” Poppy shook her head “It’s the third...”

“OK, well we’ll do a quick exam, see where your cervix is at and go from there, but I’d say given your history we’ll be admitting you. I’ll get you a gown so we can go ahead,” the midwife left the room

“She doesn’t seem too worried,” Harry said

“She doesn’t seem not worried,” Poppy countered. “She thinks I am in labour.”

“We knew that though,” Harry placed a kiss on Poppy’s forehead “I think we’re here early enough to stop it.”

“I hope -”

The midwife walked back in and handed Poppy the gown - “Put this on and lay down on that bed just there. I’ll be back in a few minutes. Dad you can stay or if you’re squeamish you can go back out to the waiting room.”

“I’ve seen it all before,” Harry smiled referring to the examination that was about to happen although he was sure the midwife thought he meant something else because she started blushing again as she walked out of the room.

“Someone’s got a secret admirer!” Poppy said as she unbuttoned her jeans

“It’s not very secret,” Harry added

“Either she’s in love with you, or she’s feeling weird about having to look at Harry Styles wife’s vagina!”

“Maybe both,” he shrugged.

Poppy pulled the gown on and laid down on the table like she was asked and a knock came on the door, right on cue. Harry sat down in the chair next to Poppy head and grabbed hold of her hand.

“Alright, I’ll make this quick,” the midwife said, pulling on a pair of gloves as Poppy winced her way through another contraction. Poppy hated this part, not only was it uncomfortable, but for the next few minutes she didn’t know what was going to happen. Maybe it was just Braxton Hicks contractions and everything was going to be ok, or maybe she’d meet her baby girl today and spend the next few months in the hospital with her.

Or maybe they’d also be saying goodbye to their little girl today.

“You’re only 1cm dilated,” the midwife finally said after what felt like hours. “Normally I’d send you home and tell you to come back if the pain gets worse, but given your history, I’ll admit you and we’ll do a few more tests and go from there. We’ll also give your doctor a call and let her know you’re here.”

An hour later they found themselves in a private room in the maternity ward. An ultrasound had shown the baby had dropped into the right position for birth, and now the shape of Poppy’s uterus was affecting her growth. Now they were nervously waiting for Dr Marshall to come in and tell them that she could somehow work some magic and fix the problem. They waited in silence. Poppy stared at the wall wondering what on earth could have made this happen and Harry sat on his phone, texting Anne and Gemma.

H: Poppy has been admitted, baby girl has dropped, waiting to see the doctor for more info. How is Oli?”

A: Praying for good news xxx. Oli is OK, he keeps asking where you went… What should I tell him?

G: Has anyone told Addie yet?

H: You can tell Oli that we’ve come to the hospital to make sure the baby is ok, and I’ll be home with him as soon as I can. We haven’t told Addie yet, I’ll wait until we know a bit more, don’t want her thinking she needs to jump on a train from Bath if everything is ok.

A: Good idea. Em and her family left about half an hour ago, they said to let them know if you need anything.

H: They’re very sweet, I’ll send Em a message and let her know what’s going on. I’ll try and be home for Oli’s bedtime and then I’ll come back to stay here with Pop

Dr Marshall was surprisingly fast, Harry and Poppy had been expecting her to take hours, but it was only about 20 minutes after they got to their room that she popped her head around the corner.

“How are we doing?, she asked, picking up Poppy’s chart. “contractions every 10 minutes still?”

“About that,” Poppy nodded .

“So what we’re going to try and do is get Baby to turn back around.”

“How do we do that?” Poppy asked, confused.

“Well, if you were more than 1cm dilated we’d do it the simple way, but since you’re not, we’ll try a massage on your belly, we usually do this when a baby is breach, I’ve only done it once or twice for this situation, but it’s a simple procedure, I promise.”

“That sounds much more pleasant than the other way,” Poppy laughed nervously

“It is,” nodded Dr Marshall with a smile.“We’re also going to give you a shot of progesterone to try and put a stop to those contractions.”

“That sounds lovely too,” Poppy half smiled

“And you know this means you’ll be on strict bed rest until you give birth?” Dr Marshall said sternly raising her eyebrows.

“Do I have to stay here?”

Dr Marshall thought for a moment “No,” she hesitated “I’ll let you go home to your little one, but I need you to promise that you’ll be taking it easy”

“I’ll make sure of that”, Harry said a stern look falling onto his face too.

“Good,” the doctor smiled “You’ll be here a day or two while we make sure the labour has stopped and we get Baby Girl turned around.”

Poppy and Harry both nodded

“I’ll order that injection now and once those contractions stop we’ll start the massage.” She put Poppy’s chart down at the end of her bed and turned to leave the room.“Thank you,” Harry and Poppy both called after her .

Once she was gone Harry placed a kiss onto Poppy’s forehead and breathed a sigh of relief “This is good,” he said

“I have a name” Poppy said quietly

Harry sat down on the bed next to her “Hmm” he cooed “I’m listening”

“Florence Anne...”

Harry nodded. “It’s beautiful. Florence, Oscar and Oliver,” he sighed “I like it”

“Flori, Ossie and Oli,” Poppy said. “For short.”

“And Violet,” Harry added

“Always.”

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haberdashing · 4 years ago

Text

Freedom Tastes Of Reality

Soulmate identifying marks AU of TMA. Melanie’s experience with marks, or the lack thereof. Part of @tmagirlsweek

on AO3

In a world where many people wear their hearts on their sleeves literally as well as figuratively, Melanie had always been mostly bare of such marks.

It worked out well for her, in a way. When people whose bodies were covered in emblems of their love made videos, the subject inevitably turned to who their marks were for and why, and if Melanie wanted to talk about her feelings incessantly like that she’d be a regular vlogger, which was not the path she wanted her life to take, thanks.

(As it was, anyone who commented on Ghost Hunt UK videos speculating about the vine-covered Ionic column on Melanie’s ankle that represented her father, gone but not forgotten, was roundly ignored. She had enough to work on without indulging such nonsense.)

A few outlines of her fellow Ghost Hunt UK members had just begun to appear on her skin before their outing to the Cambridge Military Hospital, but as the group fell apart afterwards, the outlines faded away until they were gone for good.

Then she got shot by ghosts in India, and she started working at the Magnus Institute when she returned, and perhaps some part of her felt like she should have had marks for her coworkers. Not Elias, of course, not the one who trapped her in here, but her fellow archival prisoners. They did grow closer as time went on, after all, as she got a better sense of exactly how weird and dangerous working in the Archives really was.

Her skin remained blank, though. Love wasn’t the emotion that kept her going those days.

After Elias forced upon her the information of what really happened to her father, how his death was one far more terrible than she had believed, she spent a long time in the shower choking back tears and staring at that ankle mark that represented her father. Even now, after all these years, it was as clear as ever, its lines perhaps even darker than before. She still cared about him, cared about what happened to him, cared so much all her anger turned to sorrow, at least for a brief moment.

But he was gone. He was the only one she cared about enough to have a mark of, and he was gone.

Melanie stopped crying, but the emotion that rose in her to fill that gap was not love, and it formed no marks upon her skin.

They took the bullet out of her, took out the thing pumping the essence of the Slaughter into Melanie’s very being, but not all the anger left with it. Some new anger arose from the incident, in fact, because being operated on without permission was a very strange and new kind of trauma, and it had been done to her by those she was stuck with, those she was almost beginning to trust-

Whenever she looked Jon or Basira in the eyes, she could feel that moment all over again, remember with vivid clarity how it felt to wake up with her leg numb all over, to wake up to her own blood spilled on the floor around her.

Needless to say, much as both tried to apologize, much as Melanie began to recognize in hindsight that having the bullet inside her wasn’t healthy, neither of them were getting a mark any time soon.

Then Melanie started to go to therapy. She hadn’t cried since Elias had let her know the truth behind her father’s death, but now she could again. And sadness wasn’t the most pleasant emotion, but it was... something. Something besides anger.

She tried to get her bearings, to find a stable foundation for herself again, but it was hard when her life was filled with supernatural chaos, when she never knew when it would be upended next.

And then Jon told her how to quit, and Melanie didn’t hesitate for long, and after that, whatever marks Melanie had on her body were ones she herself couldn’t perceive.

Luckily for Melanie, hers weren’t the only pair of eyes on the scene.

“Georgie?”

“Hmm?”

They were sitting side by side together on the couch in Georgie’s flat. It was a little snug, but Melanie didn’t much mind, not when it meant that Georgie was so close, brushing against her with every little movement she made.

“You’ve got a mark for me, right?”

“Course I do!” Georgie sounded almost offended by the question, though she might have been putting it on for Melanie’s sake. Either way, it brought a weak smile to Melanie’s face. “You’re telling me you never saw it?”

“Well...” Melanie pointed at her eyes, or rather, at what remained of them, which wasn’t much after the awl incident. Never let it be said that Melanie King didn’t do whatever she set her mind to do. After a moment, she had her finger, still pointing, circle the general section of her face where her eyes were, just to underscore the point.

Georgie shoved an elbow into Melanie’s side, which made her let out an involuntary yelp. “Before that. It was there for a while beforehand, surprised you never got a peek.”

“Bad luck on my part, I suppose, what else is new.” Before the conversation could linger on that point, before Georgie would start to get concerned, Melanie pressed on. “What’s yours for me look like, then? Does it have a ghost on it?”

“No, I’m a little subtler than that, Miss What The Ghost Logo-”

“It does not look like the ghost in the logo, I swear to God-”

“It's close enough! Awfully on the nose there.” Georgie laughed a little, and Melanie could feel the laughter as much as hear it, could feel the vibrations as Georgie’s body shook with amusement. “Suppose it’s for the best, really, otherwise all that boat stuff might’ve gone way over my head--what’s the deal with that, anyway?”

Melanie hesitated for a moment, picking at her cuticles before responding.

“Suppose I see you as... as an anchor. Or a safe harbor. Something like that.”

Georgie wrapped one arm around Melanie’s shoulder. “For a certain definition of safe, of course.”

“Of course. Do no harm, but take no shit.”

Georgie let out another shake of a laugh. “Exactly!”

“So you’ve said your mark for me doesn’t have a ghost. What does it have, then? Or are we playing Twenty Questions about it now?”

“I mean, we can play Twenty Questions if you want...”

Melanie swatted at Georgie’s face.

“Alright, alright! It’s, it’s got a microphone, but on the handle of it there’s a knife blade coming out--sort of like one of those spy weapons where it looks like something ordinary but it’s got a knife hidden inside-”

Melanie nodded. “You recognize my inner secret agent. I approve.”

“Glad to hear it, Agent King.”

This time Melanie was the one to start laughing. It was soft, and it was uncertain, but it was there.

She had gone so long without laughing, before.

“There’s a snake wrapped around the microphone knife thing, too, I don’t know the species but it’s a turquoise color? Most of it’s around my right shoulder, right about here-” Georgie grabbed one of Melanie’s hands and plopped it on the shoulder in question. Georgie was always so warm to the touch, warm and soft... ”-but that bit goes onto the forearm some.”

Melanie scrunched up her face. “...come to think of it, I remember seeing a snake head poking out from under your clothes before.”

“Yeah, unless I’m wearing long sleeves it tends to do that.”

“Didn’t know it was for me, though. Why a snake?”

“They’re... pretty. And underappreciated. Good for the environment, for getting rid of pests.”

“And if you piss them off, they can kill you?” Melanie kept her voice light, though she stopped herself from going so far as to laugh again. She didn’t want Georgie to think she was laughing at her mark, at the manifest expression of Georgie’s love for her.

“And if you piss them off, they can kill you. Though that doesn’t happen as much as some people think!”

“True, true... who else’ve you got marks for?”

“Oh, a couple others. My parents each have one. Still got a bit of Jon’s.”

“Wait, you’ve got a mark for Jon?”

“Yeah!” Georgie shifted, retreated a bit, though Melanie kept her arm on Georgie’s shoulder, and the arm on Melanie’s shoulder remained in place in turn. “Faded some since we dated, of course, but I’ve still got the skull on my back.”

“A skull?”

“Yeah, two reasons for that one. First, he played Hamlet in uni-”

“He would, the pompous git.”

Georgie didn’t quite laugh, but Melanie could feel the hot air of her exhalation that was something close to one. “And second, he’s got a big head.”

“Well, you got that one right.” Melanie thought silently for a moment,the smile on her face fading into thoughtful neutrality. “I don’t think I have one for him. Maybe- maybe I should. I mean, he did tell me how to quit and all.”

“Doesn’t mean he’s not a prick.”

“I mean, you can have a mark on someone and still be a prick. After all, didn’t you just finish talking about my mark?”

The offense in Georgie’s tone this time was definitely more mockery than real, exaggerated and overdramatic. “Melanie!”

Melanie did her best to mimic Georgie’s tone in turn. “Georgie!”

A brief pause, and then they both burst into laughter, loud and raucous, leaning against each other in a warm and loving embrace.

#tma #tma au #tma fic #tma fanfic #the magnus archives #the magnus archives au #the magnus archives fic #the magnus archives fanfic #personal #my writing #tma girls week #tmagirlsweek #wtgfs #wtgf #what the girlfriends

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idgaf-what-you-call-me · 4 years ago

Text

This is the first time, outside of therapy, that I am opening up fully my past, I ask that you remain respectful.

Trigger warnings: Suicide, torture, neglect, alcoholism, … a lot listen you’ve got to be well resourced before you read this.

I know Dean, because I was Dean. I was raised to be “perfect”, I am so much like my dad, I didn’t have a childhood, I was tortured, I have lost time (dissociation not possession by an arc angel), I am fairly closeted, and I’m finally starting to get better.

Ever since a very young child, I was raised to be perfect. To look at a 99 and learn what I got wrong before I brought the grade home, otherwise, I was sent to study. I was raised to not be heard and taught to stay in my room. I was raised to not show emotion because anything more than stoic meant that I was an inconvenience. I had “fend for yourself nights” where I had to sort out what I would eat for dinner, and at inexcusably young ages, 5-6 years old. I learned to shoot at 8, and was taken fishing anytime my dad went. I was brought to the construction sites, learned how to use power tools, and eventually had my own set at home. While I wasn’t trained to hunt demons or other things that go bump in the night, I was molded to be just like my dad. My mom wasn’t around much when I was a kid, so I idolized my father. He was like a god to me. As I got older (legal), I even would drink things that my dad approved of like scotch and I smoked cigars. Often praised, “that’s my girl! Look guys, my daughter drinking scotch and smoking a cigar! Where are your kids?” The validation was like a high to me. I was desperate for his approval. Just like Dean. Talked like his dad, walked like his dad, drank like his dad, I get it.

I was blatantly ignored including being told that I was invisible by siblings. They would hold up a remote to me and say, “you’re invisible” and ignore me. I could leave the house and they would not come look for me. With my mom and dad often gone (usually working or partying we were quite poor), I didn’t have anyone looking after me since I was 4 so when my dad was around, much like Dean, all I wanted to do was make him happy and proud of me.

I was a closeted bisexual, who made so many gay jokes towards my cishet brother that I feel quite a bit of shame as an adult. I repressed every facet of desire I had for the opposite gender because being bisexual really meant that I must be gay. At least that is what Will and Grace told me, and I did not want to be gay. Things were bad enough, I didn’t need to add to my shit pile. By the time I was 12, I had no idea how to feel emotions and I had no idea how to love myself. Most days, now at 29, I still don’t know how to love myself. I am not out to everyone in my family. I don’t feel safe with everyone. All the gay jokes between the brothers, all the Dean is bi subtext, I lived a lot of it.

Torture can take the shape of many different forms but they fall under two umbrellas: physical and psychological. I was subjected to sound torture and sleep deprivation forms of physical torture that have lasting psychological effects. When you live through something like that, you don’t “rebound” in the traditional sense, and I would dissociate. My consciousness would retreat back into itself until it was safe enough to come back.

I dreaded Thursday nights as that is when it would begin. My father would bring home several cases of Michelob Ultra, from the store, and then he would start drinking. My dad didn’t measure his consumption in beers, instead he measured by the case. A form of extreme binge drinking that to this day I still don’t completely understand. While he would drink, his music would get progressively louder and louder until the whole house vibrated with noise.

There are some songs and artists that I cannot listen to anymore. They’re not songs by Metallica or Black Sabbath, instead they’re by Credence Clearwater Revival, Bob Dylan, Van Morrison and the like. Songs that people dance to at their weddings, sing at funerals, and enjoy on a road trip with the entire family. They are generally described as lively yet not heavy, yet this music was the conduit of 5 years of actual torture for me. I used to say that these were my favorite songs, but it was a way to cope with hearing them at home, and then hearing them play in the car on the way to school the next morning. In my house, the music was played so loudly that walls and floors shook and overwhelmed my senses and ability to sleep, think, do anything but have a heartbeat and breathe. It would last all night. I never learned to “fall asleep” I would pass out. To this day, I can be desperately tired, and able to drive for several hours without being a dangerous driver. Like my body learned to ignore fatigue. “I just need like 4 hours every couple of days,” yeah Deano, I’ve been there.

I would freeze mentally. Almost like a zone out but on steroids. Then I’d look around and things wouldn’t feel real to me. I would look in the mirror and see a stranger. Now I understand that I had developed dpdr as a way to cope. I don’t wish it on anyone.

My mother? She would leave the house and go clubbing. My siblings were 8 years older than me and lived on their own a great distance from where I lived. Besides, I had school to go to on Fridays. So I cooked, I monitored myself, I had to become an adult. I didn’t get to be a kid. My catharsis was angsty and fluffy Harry Potter fan fiction. You can find it on FF.net, RandHrFan I no longer post with that handle. Dean’s were movies, movies that my dad, and I’d wager his dad watched. I also love westerns just like my dad and my grandfather, there is something about them.

When Dean cries and opens up to Sam about his hell experiences, I get it. I’m so proud of him for telling Sam. To some it seems like he’s closed off but he’s not. He’s opening up as much as he mentally can. And Sam listens. Just like my sister eventually did. When Dean gets mad and yells at John and Mary, I’m proud of him, because he is fighting for himself. He knew he deserved better and he didn’t let it go. Just like I have done in my not so distant past.

All the while my parent’s marriage was fracturing and I was mentally declining. My mom began sleeping in my room and in my bed, and I was basically left to sleep on the couch. On days when my dad would drink, and my mom would go out, I could get to be in my room again. I could be on the computer (laptops weren’t a thing yet) which lived in my room. I could connect with the two other friends on AIM, but the reality of my situation I couldn’t escape. I was isolated, didn’t trust my family and I didn’t know how to ask for help.

One day I attempted to take my life. I saw no value in it. What was I doing with my life. I was a broken human who didn’t deserve love, who didn’t deserve safety, who didn’t deserve well anything. So I downed a bottle of pills. I had an iron clad stomach, I wasn’t too worried about not being successful. Except, I sent a goodbye message to a friend, and that friend saved my life. He got a hold of my sister who got to me in enough time to make me throw up. (She was a champ at that, having suffered from bulimia and taught to throw up from no other than my dad.)

I didn’t receive help afterwards. I signed a paper saying that I wouldn’t attempt again and was taken home. (I hope this isn’t how hospitals roll anymore.) I left my house, I went to school out of state and found stability, created stability for myself. But my past still haunted me whenever I went home. So when Dean has a death wish, and gets discharged from hospitals before he’s stable, I get it.

My parents eventually divorced, and I came home to a place where I couldn’t live anymore for a solid couple of months, I couch surfed, and again my mental health took a nosedive, but nevertheless, I persisted. I got my head back in the game, and finished my degree. Chemistry. I couldn’t go back home, because if I did I’d be working for my dad. I couldn’t do that, it was too painful. So I went to grad school. I got my Ph.D. I began to chart my own path. But there was a rage in me that I couldn’t escape. I lashed out at anyone and everyone to hide the pain that I felt all the time. People were afraid of me. I was great at what I did but I couldn’t make lasting connections with others.

When I was 27 suicidal ideations became dangerous, and I got about as dark. I tried to harm myself, and wanted my world to burn. It didn’t matter that I was married, with pets, and owned a home. Nothing mattered. I finally had to decide between life and death, I couldn’t continue in that state. I can say confidently that I would be dead if I didn’t get help that day. I wish Dean had this chance. He gets close to this in moments with Cas when he is honest about his feelings and experiences, he cries, he gets angry, lashes out, but Cas is there for him. From someone like Dean, I’ll tell you Cas being present holds more weight than gold for Dean.

I have been in intense therapy for a year. By intense I do mean more than once a week, regular check ins with her, and the occasional group session. She sends me articles to read, homework, and we do EMDR work, emotional integration therapy, mindfulness, etc.

It was then that I began to learn that all the rage that I had built inside me was hiding intense fear, loss, and disappointment. The rage gave way to tears, and the tears gave way to a new anger that I could make peace with. That anger comes from the person I am today. The person who fights for herself. Who doesn’t take shit from anyone. The person who says, humans don’t break, vases break, and I am a human. I see a lot of that in late season Dean. He is a fighter.

But I am still the person who receives a compliment and shuts down, there is still a side of me that doesn’t believe that I deserve nice things, good things to happen to me, but that person is getting smaller. My therapist likes to hit me with compliments when I am vulnerable as I am more likely to believe them. I still react like a dead fish when she says them, and then after the session sob for hours over it. One day my head and my heart will believe the same things about myself. I would have reacted the same way as Dean to that confession.

When the cards fall, I still know that I can depend on myself before anyone else because I had to. My life as an impoverished, unstable, depressed, neglected, and abused kid says I should be dead or amounting to nothing, but hear I am. I’ve now closely mentored about 20 undergraduate students, a handful of graduate students, and have helped them find their paths in life. I have taught nearly 1000 students. I made a difference with the life that I tried to throw away.

I have come to a place where I can love my dad. He is sober again, and yes, my love for him does depend on his sobriety. When he is drinking he is not the same person. I wouldn’t call him an A+ dad by a long shot, and hell I am so much like him that at times it makes me sick, but I do love him. I have been able to forgive him. Forgive in the sense that I can make peace with what happened. It doesn’t change what happened or how much it affected me, and I certainly don’t forget, but that isn’t what forgiveness is. I don’t hold the rage anymore. The fact that Dean is able to is personal for Dean, as it is for me, and it isn’t some “family that is what you do” type reason.

I do experience flashbacks when there are fireworks, I can’t go to a movie theatre because of the volume, when people play really loud music in their cars I typically have to peel off into a parking lot and meditate for 20 minutes to be able to drive again. There are some stores that I don’t shop at because their music triggers me. So when Dean experiences those flashbacks, I get it.

There is a belief in the psychology that monster shows help us become comfortable with our dark sides. My dark side saved me over and over again. My dark side told me to be better than them. My dark side told me to fight for me, to adopt a survivor mindset. (If you can’t tell I am a green veined Slytherin and have never been sorted into any other house even by random house generators.) The things I delight in are a bit off color. I cultivate a poison garden, consume way too much true crime, to gore I say give me s’more and so on. Dean gets to experience his dark side, and he has to make peace with it. He makes inappropriate jokes, laughs at it, but he also does talk about it.

This is the hard part: Just like Dean, I am also light. I love people (vomit), seriously though, they are more precious to me than any earthly possession. Plants bring me serenity. Animals are a comfort and companion in the worst of times. There isn’t much I wouldn’t do to protect living things. My motivations come from a place of love and a need to protect others from what I have been through. I know I can survive, but I don’t know if that is true for everyone else.

I know Dean. I was Dean. I see that every episode. Moments when he yells and screams for himself, I cheer him on. Moments where he tries to waste his life away, I understand, and am crying right with him. The purgatory apology guts me, I’ve had to make that apology more than once. The dead fish reaction, hell that is me at the end of a therapy session. I am here to say: Dean is not broken. Dean is strong. Dean is resilient. Dean doesn’t just fight for himself, he fights for the whole of creation. Dean is not a vase. He is a human.

Oh and John’s taste in beer, much like my fathers, is crap. Don’t drink shitty beer. Also, I don’t drink scotch anymore. I'm a gin girl and I drink *okay* beer.

I’m the same blogger who does drunk blogging regarding Supernatural on Saturdays. It is a lovely bit of comfort and joy for me and I won’t be stopping any time soon. We will get back to the lovely and light “Dean is Bi he he” commentary this weekend.

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just-random-obsessions · 5 years ago

Text

Funny Moments In Thor The Dark World

Find Thor 1 here

Find Avengers 1 here

This is the second part of me watching all three thor movies and the avengers movie and comparing the humor pre-ragnarok to the humor in the 3rd Thor movie. And, as before, I’m writing this on my computer where the I and U keys don’t work so sorry for any spelling mistakes.

Tag List: @nikkoliferous @fyrecrafted @lokijiro @miskiett @darthxerik @icyxmischief @iamanartichoke @juliabohemian @official-and-unstable-satan @melodylnoelle @just-another-human-2019 @fandomsfanfiction @mentallydatingahotcelebrity @cateyes315 @burningarbiterheart @imnotacreepijustlikeyou @usedtobegoodfriend96 @alexakeyloveloki

Official-and-unstable-satan and fandomsfanfiction weren’t tagged sry

Anyone who wants to be added/removed to the tag list please let me know! and if I missed someone please also let me know. Sorry this post is so long

~ “Hello Mother. Have I made you proud?”

~ “Please don’t make things worse” “Define worse”

~ “I really don’t see what all the fuss is about”

~ “Just like you”

~ *That smile!!!!*

~ “I’ve got this completely under control!” “Is that why everything’s on fire?”

~ *About the Scary MonsterTM: “All yours”

~ *Thor says hi to the Big Scary MonsterTM*

~ “I accept your surrender”

~ “Anyone else?” *All the people simultaneously: NOPE*

~ “Perhaps next time we should START with the big one”

~ *Odin obviously shipping Thor and Jane* (idk I got a kick out of this)

~ *Jane awkwardly avoiding her date*

~ *Date: hi*

~ *Him awkwardly talking about his ex*

~ “And the fact that she kept sleeping with other men” “NO!”

~ *Darcy being mistaken for a waitress*

~ *Darcy mouthing “Cute” to Jane about Richard*

~ *Darcy embarrassing Jane by talking about Thor*

~ “Is there a point to all of this cause there REALLY needs to be a point to all of this”

~ “That’s what I said!”

~ “That’s what I did!”

~ “He’s not interested” “I’m interested” (Am I the only one who feels like his awkwardness was actually kinda cute?)

~ “He’s my intern.” “You have an intern?”

~ *Intern is fucking adorable like Richard*

~ “I have totally mastered driving in London!” *Has not mastered it at all*

~ *Selvig running around Stonehenge naked*

~ *Darcy keeps calling Ian ‘Intern’*

~ *Darcy calls Jane cause she didn’t wanna shout*

~ God I fucking love Darcy she’s so criminally underrated

~ “I am not getting stabbed in the name of science”

~ “It’s okay, we’re Americans!” “Is that supposed to make them like us?”

~ “We’re scientists-well I am” “Thanks”

~ “That doesn’t seem right”

~ “I wanna throw something! Jane give me your shoe!”

~ *Jane ignores Darcy*

~ “Give me your shoe”

~ “Were those the car keys?”

~ *Ian’s face when he realizes he threw the car keys to another planet*

~ *If you have to bury so many people then you’re doing something wrong you hot dumb fuck* (I mean that’s basically what Heimdall said right?)

~ “Typical” *after being left behind while Jane goes to talk to her boyfriend*

~ *Jane! Love of my life and most talented and beautiful person in the world oh how I love yo-SLAP*

~ “As excuses go, its not terrible”

~ “I know” “You do?” “Do what?”

~ *Darcy interrupts the KissTM*

~ “Um I’m pretty sure we are getting arrested”

~ “How’s space?” “Space is fine”

~ “He’s my intern… My intern’s intern”

~ “Holy shit!” (after Jane went up in the Bifrost)

~ *Heimdall calmly dodges the car*

~ “We have to do that again”

~ “Hello”

~ “What’s that?”

~ “It’s a soul forge” *No I’m pretty sure that’s a quantum field generator*

~ *Jane being ready to fight Odin for comparing her to a goat*

~ “You told your dad about me?”

~ “It must be so inconvenient, them asking about me day and night”

~ “Please meet my mother” *Jane shies away from Thor*

~ Loki casually tossing the thingamajig in the air like the cute little shit he is

~ Lord, he’s so damn pretty

~ *Kurse being like: Lol I ain’t touchin’ that boy with a ten foot pole*

~ “It’s as if they resent being in prison”

~ “There’s no pleasing some creatures”

~ *Loki calmly reading a book while all Hel breaks loose*

~ “You have my word that no harm will come to yo-” nvm bitch die

~ *THAT look between Sif and Jane*

~ *Frigga immediately seeing through Odin’s bs lies*

~ *Heimdall: I have defeated the big space ship!! The bigger one behind him: Bitch you thought*

~ “WITCH!!!!” *Now I know who Loki gets his amazing aforementioned smile from*

~ *Selvig using shoes to explain complicated science*

~ *Selvig then using pencils*

~ “Any questions?” “Yeah, can I have my shoe back?”

~ “What’s SHIELD?” “It’s a secret”

~ *Darcy’s cute af face when she sees that Selvig is in the mental hospital*

~ “Are you sure you wouldn’t just rather punch your way out?”

~ *Loki shapeshifting into the guard*

~ “Mmm Brother, you look ravishing”

~ “Costumes a bit much”

~ “So tight!”

~ “I can FEEL the righteousness surging!!”

~ “HEY wanna have a rousing discussion about truth?”

~ “Honor?”

~ “Patriotism?”

~ “GOD BLESS AMERICA!”

~ “At last. A little common sens-”Bitch are you really fucking kidding me? (What do you mean that’s not what he said?)

~ “I thought you liked tricks”

~ “I’m Loki, you may have heard of-” SLAP

~ “That was for New York”

~ “I like her”

~ *Loki gazing lovingly at Jane in the background*

~ “Betray him, and I’ll kill you.” “It’s good to see you too Sif”

~ “If you even think about betraying him-” “You’ll kill me? Evidently there will be a line”

~ “I thought you said you knew how to fly this thing.” “I said how hard can it be?”

~ “Whatever your doing brother I suggest you do it faster.” “Shut up Loki

~ “You must’ve missed something.” “I didn’t, I’m pressing every button on this thing”

~ “Well don’t hit it. Just press it, gently.” “I aM pReSsInG iT gEnTlY AND ITS NOT WORKING!!!”

~ *Thor starts slamming buttons and it starts working*

~ *Volstagg: Oh fighting is much fun- OH SHIT IM FALLING!! HELP!!!*

~ “I think you missed a column.” “Shut up”

~ “Why don’t you let me take over? I’m clearly the best pilot”

~ *Bitch I’m the one who can actually fly*

~ “Oh dear. Is she dead?”

~ *Thor knocks over a column* “Not a word”

~ “Now they’re following us”

~ “Now they’re firing at us”

~ “Yes thank you for the commentary Loki, it’s not at all distracting”

~ “Well done, you just decapitated your grandfather”

~ *Seriously, whoever wrote the escape scene is a genius!!!*

~ *Loki yelling at Thor about how thIs was a bad idea you dumb fuck- wait wtf are you doing AAAAHHHHH!!!!1*

~ “You lied to me. I’m impressed”

~ *That smile again snfnejaihfeqrqrsbdsalxdjewonjfeq*

~ “For Asgard!” YEET

~ “Nothing personal boys!”

~ “If it were easy, everyone would do it”

~ “Are you mad?” “Possibly”

~ “TADAAA”

~ “Oh yeah, my father. Eric Selvig”

~ “And these” “yeah… those”

~ “How did you find me?” “You were naked on television”

~ “I don’t get paid enough. I don’t get paid at all”

~ “What’s happening? Birds? Birds are happening?”

~ “All right are you ready?” “I am”

~ *phone rings* “It’s not me”

~ “Why are there so many shoes in here?”

~ “I’ll just text her”

~ “So who’s Richard?”

~ *Thor hanging his hammer on a coat hanger*

~ “Where are your pants?” “Oh he says it helps him think”

~ “Loki is dead” “Oh thank God!”

~ “Better get my pants”

~ “Do you even know what these things do?” “No” “…Neither do I”

~ “Ooh get the guy with the sword!”

~ “Oops”

~ *Ian’s high-pitched scream*

~ *Does car insurance cover My Car Was Sucked Into Another Planet Due To A Cosmic Event That Only Occurs Once Every 5000 Years or no?*

~ *Thor and Malekith fighting between worlds and poor little Mjolnir trying to keep up*

~ *The two of them against windows*

~ *AAAHHH*

~ *Awww! Look at the cute little Jotunheim monster! He’s so adorable I wanna pet him so much!’

~ *Darcy and Ian kissing after he saved her life*

~ “Darcy?” “Jane!” “Ian?” “Selvig.”

~ “Myuh Myuh!!”

~ *Thor ends up on the subway*

~ *The girl taking 50 photos*

~ *Thor and the woman colliding into eachother*

~ “I’ve come to accept your surrender”

~ *Malekith gets crushed by his own ship. Now that’s some lovely karma right there*

~ *Darcy and Ian go back to kissing*

~ “He kinda committed treason on our way out” oops

~ Jotunheim Puppy chasing birds

Wow I’m so sorry this was so long. But guess what? It’s gonna get even longer. Sorry, again.

So one of the differences between the first and second Thor movies is that Thor 2 has humor in the climax whereas Thor 1 doesn’t. This is because of the differences with who is the villain. In Thor 1, Thor is having to fight his brother. To quote Avengers, they “played together and fought together” for several millennia. Of course there’s not going to be any humor in it cause there shouldn’t be. The climax at the end of the movie isn’t supposed to be some epic battle between the forces of Good TM and Bad TM. It’s supposed to be tragic that he’s having to fight his own brother because Loki lost his mind due to so many factors. The last joke in the film is “You’re an amazon liar brother, always have been” “It’s good to have you back”. There’s nothing else till the end credit scene. That’s because Kenneth Branagh knew that this was supposed to be viewed at as being sad a hopeless, not some awesome upbeat battle.

Thor 2 on the other hand, is exactly that. Thor has known Malekith for.. what? 2 days? Maybe 3? His relationship and dynamic with Malekith is different than with his brother. To Thor, this is just another enemy attacking Asgard. And I’m not sure whether this was intentional or not (because I remember reading somewhere how Allen Taylor had a bitch of a time in the editing process so I think the movie came out different than he intended) but the lack of any personal relationship will Malekith means the film can make really funny jokes and still have it fit with the film. If anything, I might even argue that the humor helped the film to maintain a very nice positive vibe. Idk I can’t think of the right words to explain it but the jokes actually fit the film very well.

However, then we move on to Ragnarok. With Ragnarok, Thor is fighting his sister. While (just like Malekith) he has only known her for two days, that still doesn’t take away the fact that he is having to fight his sibling. And I’m not a film director but if I had the option of approaching this situation and taking it the Thor 1 route or the the Thor 2 route, I’d go with Thor 1. Because it’s actually incredibly tragic that Hela has been driven to insanity like Loki (though ok a different level) due to Odin’s shitty parenting. She is the horrible way she is because Odin made her that way. And that could’ve been an AMAZINGLY complex story with the audience feeling so much sympathy for Hela like we did with Loki in Thor 1, but the narrative just falls flat for two reasons. 1) Taika admitted he didn’t want the film to be emotionally complex so 2) The humor in the climax completely detracts from the seriousness of the situation.

Also, some side notes: Yes, this is edited from the original. I accidentally deleted everything and then had to go back and add everything back in. So I also had to re-tag people too. And I also added a bit more explanation at the end. I meant to do so when I originally posted but it never got done till now. Sry. Also sry that it’s so long

#dr badass jane foster #anti ragnarok #anti thor ragnarok #my meta #thor the dark world #thor 2 #thor #loki

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gccdnews · 4 years ago

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Did you see JESSICA DREW from MARVEL walking around Limbo? The CISFEMALE looks like ALICIA VIKANDER, and is NINETY SEVEN years old. I’ve heard she can be VIRTUOUS & WITTY but also COCKSURE & REACTIVE. When I think of them I think of HELPING THE INNOCENT BY HOSPITALIZING THE GUILTY, RAISING SPIDER-BABY, THE GREATEST QUIPS OF ALL TIME BITCHCAKES. They’ve been here WITHOUT their memories as an PI & FIGHTER at BAKER STREET INVESTIGATIONS & UNDERGROUND FIGHT CLUB for SIX MONTHS. I heard they’re seeking a sanctum.

// whew. jess has a history™. it's long af and spans nearly a century so im not gonna go into crazy detail, but it's still lengthy. and i'm also gonna modify just a bit to fit in with the mcu for plotting reasons and stuff. if you don’t really care about her full history then there’s some bullet points toward the bottom.

she was born in england in 1924 and brought as a small child to the transia (it's a small, fictional slavic country) where her father was conducting research. unfortunately due to her being a small child, she contracted uranium poisoning from her father's work and had to be placed in a cryogenic chamber and treated with radiation and a highly experimental serum derived from the blood/genes of various species of spider.

she spent decades in stasis, educated subliminally with special tapes. when she was finally awakened she had only aged into her early teens, but she'd developed superhuman abilities.

grew up, moved away, met a dude, fell in love, then accidentally killed him with her powers. so yeah that kinda torments her still to this day. well, when she still remembered it anyway.

got recruited into hydra who she was led to believe were the good guys, had her memories suppressed, was told the high evolutionary basically a "god" figure, idek evolved her from a spider into a human woman, had an agent pretend to fall in love with her, etc etc. basically got gaslit and brainwashed into becoming a high ranking member until she was put out on a field assignment and told to assassinate nick fury. during the mission he told her what hydra really was and she dropped their asses.

got her memories back from mordred the mystic, then lived in a shitty apartment in london for a while. ended up breaking into a convenience store across the street at one point to get some food, but got noticed by shield agent jerry hunt who pretty much hounded her until she dyed her hair and created a secret identity to hide from him

did the hero thing for a while, moved to l.a., dated jerry, became a bounty hunter, moved to san francisco, became a p.i., superhero'd some more, met carol danvers 😍

went on a mission to finally take down longtime archenemy morgan le fay, and did so, but not before some morgan did some magic shit and separated her soul from her body ?? so she goes to the sorcerer magnus and has him cast a spell to make everyone who ever met her forget she existed.

not long later she was found and revived by two hero pals, breaking the spell, but she was left comatose. dr strange gets involved, abra cadabra, jess ain't a cadava'. but she is however, powerless.

continued working as a p.i. until an encounter with the new spider-woman mattie franklin somehow restored her powers, which came back slowly and were very unstable. meets jessica jones, accidentally zaps tf out of her, then works with her to save the new spider-woman.

eventually struck a deal with hydra to spy within shield so she could get her powers back but the skrull queen veranke was behind it and manipulating her so she could learn to perfectly impersonate jessica. jess ended up held captive for two years aboard a skrull spaceship while veranke took her place.

she and the rest of the captives got saved but because of the havoc veranke wreaked, she didn't exactly receive a warm welcome back.

spent some time rebuilding her reputation until she was invited to join the avengers (for avengers 1 in the mcu, let's say). they did some good work and she eventually fell for clint/hawkeye. they dated a while but things went sideways when he cheated on her (but obvs that's subject to change depending on who picks him up, just leaving that in for now bc it seems kinda noteworthy).

skipping comic spider-verse stuff bc how does that work with the rp, idek.

left the avengers after that and mostly stayed out of their business so she wasn't around for ultron or civil war and instead got back to her roots with some good ol fashioned p.i. work. may have crossed paths with the defenders and other street level heroes during this period.

then of course, came the snap. jess was one of the ones that vanished. using this instead of her death during secret wars in the comics. when everyone came back she joined all the others to fight thanos and damn right she was part of that moment with all the female heroes like she should have fucking been irl.

when things settled down after y'know, dying, she realized that she wanted to be a mother and raise a child, and almost never got that chance. instead of waiting, she got herself artificially inseminated. which was good too tbh because like, look at her luck with men and imagine getting stuck in one of those relationships she'd been in so far. way better off doing it on her own smh

got invited to an alpha flight maternity ward by her captain marvel but when she went there it ended up getting overrun by skrulls and being super fucking pregnant she called carol for help, but the maternity ward was apparently in a black hole?? bc ofc it was lol. so jess protected all the women there, had an emergency c-section to give birth to her son gerry, then popped right off the table to finish kicking skrull ass. carol got there just in time for jess to collapse into her arms after the fight. headcanon — there was always a crush there but this was the moment jess fell hard.

had a liiittle teensy falling out with carol tho so she ended up kissing roger gocking/porcupine right in front of her during a battle that ended up repairing their friendship. then she went on to have a party announcing she and roger were dating but lbr she did most of this sub/consciously hoping to get a rise out of carol. but her spider-baby ended up crawling out a window and roger was the one to find and save him and there were some actual feelings there too, so. complicated. she kind of distanced herself from everything else to focus on p.i. work and raising her son.

not much later, jess realized her radiation immunity was gone and her powers were killing her, so she had roger take gerry to an upstate farm in case her condition could potentially harm her son, then set out on the search for a cure. that search of course, leading her to limbo city, nevada.

upon her arrival however, her memories quickly started to fade and by the time she woke up the next morning she had no specific recollection of memories. just innate and instinctive knowledge like her emotions toward people she was familiar with, emotional trauma that manifests mostly in her dreams, maternal instincts/yearning, her abilities both physical and learned, her interests and likes/dislikes, etc. things that come naturally to her, for the most part.

interestingly though, the town’s magic seems to have cured her??

gonna say she speaks english, romanian, german, hungarian, symkarian, russian, bulgarian, polish and spanish fluently, and knows a bit about a number of other languages.

incredibly intelligent, she is after all the daughter of a genius, raised among scientists conducting research, and her knowledge/intelligence was only maximized by her stasis education tapes.

exudes a high concentration of pheromones that can attract or repulse people, to put it simply. and ignore the original heteronormative connotations bc women aren't typically the ones she wants to repulse, and men arent always the ones she wants to attract. it's difficult to control but she learned over the years. even now without her memories she has innate control over it, but if she manages to work up a sweat (which isn't all that easy for her tbh) or misses a shower or two, well… it's gonna kick in.

she probably can't do it anymore in limbo because she can't remember how, but with her pheromones she learned to control them so well she was able to elicit fear, anxiety, attraction, hatred, pleasure, etc. and even used them to convince the hulk to make her a sandwich once.

fucking loves butter. she's been known to eat the stuff straight up. and a lot of it. lucky thing she has a spider-metabolism.

hc: she loves making puns, especially spider related ones. she also likes to annoy her spider-friends by spider-throwing the word spider in front of everything though it's obviously a joke, unlike in her cartoon where im pretty sure she was dead serious lol

hates rats. so much. she will tear down a whole skrull army but if one shapeshifts into a rat it's over okay, she already lost.

allergic to flerkens. which is great for visiting her bestie/crush, and her pet flerken chewie.

still has her suit but hasn’t worn it yet in limbo. she found it under her bed a couple days after “waking up” in limbo but put it right back because she figured it was probably some weird sex thing and maybe wasn’t even hers so, gross, yknow?

#jessica drew.#limbchq: intro #jessica drew ( intro ).#death tw #gaslighting tw #captivity tw #pregnancy tw #i've come to love her so much in a short time

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bang-and-a-blintz · 5 years ago

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Through the Darkness

CHAPTER FOUR - THE DEAL

Fandom: Dracula (2020)

Relationship: Dracula/Roxana(OFC)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: None

Word Count: 3,037

The night had a bitter chill in the air, the humidity making the cold seep into one's bones and no matter how many layers, it still would find a way under the skin. Eric stood close to the outdoor heater, rubbing his hands together frantically and blowing on his digits in an attempt to keep them warm.

It wasn't often that the temperature would drop this low in the South, but cruel when it did and most of the city's infrastructure was not built to deal with it. The people were not bred to survive in such frigid conditions; they were used to the scorching sun and a constant sweat. It sent a shock through the city's inhabitants and nearly crippled them.

The young valet was professional as ever, though, and battled through the unwelcome climate. He had the last car, the fancy half a million-dollar machine, all ready and warmed up for the customer. Now was just the waiting game. Except he wasn't looking forward to seeing that particular man again, there was just something about him that made Eric feel uneasy.

"Quite a crisp evening, wouldn't you say?" The sudden closeness of the dark figure made Eric nearly jump out of his skin and grasp at his chest in fright. "Did I frighten you? Terribly sorry."

He didn't sound sorry at all.

The young man laughed shakily, "Not a problem, sir, I should've been paying more attention. Your car is all warmed up, I hope you enjoyed everything this evening!"

Dracula plucked the keys from the valet's hand, who took notice of his talons and his eyes widened. The count stepped closer and tilted his head down towards the boy, "It is unnecessary, though appreciated. Do try and stay warm tonight, this kind of weather can be rather penetrating."

Eric gulped audibly. "Y-yes, sir."

With a grin, Dracula straightened to his full height and clicked a button on the key fob to turn the car off. "No need to waste gas. I'll be waiting for a bit."

The kid just stood there awkwardly and shuffled his feet a bit before it dawned on Dracula, "Ah, yes, you would like a tip, hm?"

Without bothering for a response, he retrieved a folded hundred dollar bill from his breast pocket and held it out for the young man. Eric went to take it but found that the count would not let go and he glanced up with nervous eyes. Dracula inhaled deeply and leaned even closer, "Run along now, Eric, there are dangerous creatures out and about. We wouldn't want anything unsavory to happen."

The valet nodded frantically, his head bobbing up and down like a muppet, and once Dracula let go of the bill, the kid took off into the building without a second glance.

—

Roxana's hands shook as she returned to the kitchen, the vampire's presence was a little overwhelming, to say the least, but something inside her itched with incorrigible curiosity. Yes, she was terrified, because she knew that man was most likely going to kill her. The Harker Foundation alluded as much. They told her he was a bloodthirsty beast with no remorse or self-control. He had killed her blood relatives, doppelgängers, whatever the fuck, and was now there to do it again. She probably shouldn't have tossed their business card in the trash.

But there was something that caught her off guard and made her wonder. Why did he look so surprised to see her if he had already been searching for her? But then she remembered how he then had the smugness of a cat catching the mouse. Maybe he was just going to toy with her before he went it for the kill.

She was damn near thrown off her balance as someone knocked into her side in a rush. "Eric? What's the matter with you?"

"I'm so sorry, Miss Rox, I wasn't paying attention." He seemed a little tense and she figured he had a run-in with the vampire. Her eyes quickly searched his neck for any open wounds and once she was satisfied that he was unharmed, Roxana patted him on the shoulder.

"No harm, no foul," She smiled kindly and his tension eased, "It's late, y'all should head home. I'll see you next week."

"Thanks, ma'am, have a great night!" Eric turned and shouted towards the freezer, "Oi, that creepy dude gave me a hundo - drinks on me tonight!"

Al shot out of the walk-in and nearly stumbled over his own feet, "Bitch, what! Let's go!"

The two grabbed their things and made their way towards the back door. Angeline was walking in after clocking out and threw on her jacket, "What do you mean 'creepy'? He was pretty damn fine, for like an older guy."

Al let out a whistle, "Oh girl, I feel you, I was just telling Rox that her mans is a daddy I'd like to know."

"He is not my-" Roxana started but it was too late, the other two whipped their heads around and gawked at their boss.

"Oh my god!" Angeline squealed and Eric looked slightly mortified.

"He's terrifying!"

"You've got a boyfriend?!"

"Lord knows baby girl needed to get her some of dat good lovin'."

"Holy shit, stop, please!" Roxana couldn't help but laugh as she tried to quell the three people hollering over one another. "Mr. Balaur and I are not doing anything of the sort, I can assure you. Now go on, the bars are calling."

The trio finally acquiesced and traded turns giving her a hug, making their departure for their after-work shenanigans, but as they were leaving Eric turned back once more, "Just to let you know, Mr. James-Bond-Villain is waiting for you out front."

Roxana rolled her eyes and waved back at the kid, "Thanks for the heads up, y'all be safe."

"You too, baby," She could hear Al's voice carry in from the alley, "Don't forget to use protection!"

Her employees' cackles could still be heard after the door finally shut and Roxana dropped her head onto the counter with a long-suffering sigh. She really hoped that wouldn't be the last time she saw them.

Shaking her head to try and rid the terrible thoughts from her brain, she set out to finish scrubbing down the kitchen and closing for the night. The busywork helped take her mind off the fact that she was about to face off with a fucking vampire afterward.

It took about another hour for her to be completely satisfied with the level of cleanliness and she finally took off her white chef jacket. Her eyes caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and her hand moved to pull a necklace out from under her shirt. The small golden cross flashed as she tilted it under the lights, her gaze focused sincerely on the little piece of jewelry.

"If there was ever a chance you might want to work, now would be a good time." She murmured, dragging her thumb across the shiny surface before she let it drop back down to hang against her collarbone and looked back at her own eyes. "Oh, who am I kidding?"

Roxana slid on her jacket and turned off the lights as she walked out the front doors of Sanguine. She had the strangest feeling almost like she was walking into battle.

—

Sure enough, Dracula was waiting for her out front of the restaurant, just casually leaning against the side of his car and swiping on his phone. By the way he was flicking his finger to the right or left and the sly little smirk he was sporting, she assumed he was on Tinder. The thought of matching with a five-hundred-year-old vampire gave her a laugh and she caught Dracula's attention with her soft chuckle.

He grinned and tucked his phone into the breast pocket of his suavely fitted trench coat. "Hello, Roxana."

Out of pure habit from her Southern hospitality, she gave a smile and a small wave back, "Hey there…Count Dracula."

His head tilted slightly as he regarded her curiously, "So you know who I am?"

"Yeah," She nodded, "And what you are."

"Oh?" There was a pause. "Well good, that sorts out all that awkwardness then."

He pushed himself off the car and she was momentarily distracted as the full vehicle came into view, "Are you serious - a Rolls Royce? That's what you drive?"

His eyebrows rose almost innocently. "What? Did you expect a hearse?"

She shrugged. It wasn't something that really crossed her mind but it didn't sound unreasonable.

"I'm undead, not unfashionable." He winked, "Besides, I found a killer deal."

Dracula opened the passenger door and looked at her expectantly, "Care for a lift home?"

"Are you going to kill me?" Roxana blurted out, as she tugged her jacket closer in an attempt to fight the chill. "Just like you killed Zoe and Agatha?"

Something flashed in his dark eyes but she couldn't tell what it was before it disappeared and his gaze hardened, "I see that the foundation got to you."

"They told me about you." She corrected him.

"Clearly," His jaw ticked, "However, you have me at a disadvantage, as I've no idea who exactly you are and that doesn't seem fair, now does it?"

She stared at him in disbelief, "A disadvantage? You're a vampire."

Dracula studied her face for a moment and then heaved a sigh, "It is not my current inclination to kill you, Roxana, but I cannot promise as much for the future. Though it does seem to be a reoccurring trend with you Van Helsings."

Roxana weighed her limited options. If she could even truly fool herself into believing she had any. On the one hand, Dracula had not harmed her yet when he had plenty of opportunities given that they were very alone on the street, at a later hour, and on a Sunday night. Everyone in the city was either at home or the bar; either way they were staying inside and away from the cold. Not a witness to be found. On the other hand, her own car was currently in the shop and she imagined her chance of something bad happening was just as likely if she chose to walk or take an Uber.

"Sure, I'll take a ride." She slid past him and into the seat, all the while trying to ignore his cheeky little grin. He closed the door gently and then went around to get in the driver's side, turning on the vehicle and looking at her expectantly. "Just head towards the river and then take a right on Tchoup."

Soft jazz was the only sound heard for a moment as he pulled away from her restaurant and followed her directions. She watched from the corner of her eye how he tapped his nails against the steering wheel, the claws creating a dull thud every time they connected with the leather.

She decided to be the one to break the silence and took a deep breath, exhaling slowly so she could gather herself before speaking. "They said you might come looking for me and they showed me photos and videos. That's how I recognized you."

"You look just like them." He glanced over, his eyes meeting hers briefly before focusing back on the road. "But I honestly had no idea you even existed. Tonight was merely a pleasant surprise, nothing more."

Not very convinced, Roxana crossed her arms and looked out the window at the passing houses, "So this is just a funny coincidence?"

"Oh I don't believe in those," He breathed a laugh, "After five hundred years, I think I know a pattern when I see it."

"If you continued that pattern, my death would be inevitable."

"You're mortal." He scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Your death is inevitable whether I have anything to do with it or not."

"I saw the photo of Zoe's corpse. Do you expect me to believe you're not going to do the same thing to me?"

Dracula's hand tightened on the wheel. "That was a mercy."

"I'm sorry?" She turned towards him with an affronted look on her face, "Please tell me how that is supposed to be comforting."

He stopped at a light and met her gaze, "She was already on the verge of dying. Cancer. I simply assisted the parting guest."

As he spoke, his eyes looked beyond Roxana for a moment as if he was viewing the memory, and then the light turned green. She quietly told him the make the next turn.

"Why the name change? von Hels isn't very different than Van Helsing." He switched the subject, not wanting to completely divulge what had actually happened in London. One mustn't show their cards all at once.

"Theatrics, I suppose. Plus, my family has a bit of a reputation around here and I'd rather that be a separate entity than my restaurant." She said, "I'm probably the only Van Helsing left in the city and after some years passed, people don't make the connection anymore."

"Except me."

"Yeah, well, you have a bit of an advantage."

He couldn't help himself, "Some would say I have a bite of an advantage."

Roxana laughed and he decided he liked the sound; he couldn't remember ever hearing Zoe or Agatha laugh. The former was nothing but science and skepticism, the latter was smugly studious; this one, however, was calm and curious and almost cheerful - no matter how much her heartbeat told him otherwise, he had to admit her poker face was spectacular.

"It's up here on the left."

He pulled the car over in front of the row of mismatched colored shotgun houses. An equally disheveled looking calico cat was perched on the stoop, its eyes reflected back brightly and its tail flicked as the vehicle slowed to a stop.

"If you're not here to kill me, then what is it you want?" She asked seriously, looking over to the vampire as he put the car in park and turned towards her once more.

"The usual; some company and something to eat."

She couldn't stop another chuckle, "Don't we all?"

Dracula watched her for a moment before leaning closer, enjoying the way her eyes widened as he backed her into the corner of her seat and the door. "I want to find out everything there is to know about you, Roxana Van Helsing."

She was paralyzed as his hand came up around her neck, holding her gently and firmly still. His thumb traced her pulse point and she watched with rapt attention as his tongue slowly wetted his lips. Eyes so dark that even the glow of the street lamps disappeared into their depths.

"There is a reason we crossed paths and we're going to find out why," She went to speak but his long finger halted her lips before the words could form, "After all, we will be working together for this upcoming soirée. Might as well kill two birds with one stone, hm?"

Roxana's brows rose skeptically but she said nothing. She had nearly forgotten about that whole fiasco.

A quick flash of gold caught Dracula's eye and his attention was diverted to the small cross hanging around her neck. She watched as his jaw clenched and his head moved back minutely, but instead of being deterred, like the foundation said he would, Dracula merely let go of her neck and tapped the tiny piece of metal with his claw.

"Oh, you haven't heard those don't work anymore? Sorry to disappoint." He shrugged innocently and then leaned back. Despite his words, she could tell he clearly still held some distaste for the holy symbol.

"I'll agree to help you, with both the dinner and whatever this is, on one condition."

He smirked, "And what would that be?"

"You're not allowed to have my blood." His face dropped and he glowered as she continued, "I know you could just take it whether I'd like it or not, but if you actually want my cooperation, it is off-limits."

Dracula studied her for a minute before smiling again, "Of course. I've been on a consent-first diet as of late anyway. Helps sort through the drunks as well. Let me tell you, I've had some nasty hangovers from these people. I swear, this city runs on liquor."

Shaking her head, she gave another laugh and opened the car door. As she stepped out, she leaned back to look at him once more, "This has all been really weird, but I guess have a good night?"

"I shall need your telephone number." He held out his mobile and watched her put in her digits before handing it back. He quickly typed out a message, she heard her phone go off in her purse, and he grinned toothily. "See you around, Miss von Hels."

She closed the door, walked up to her stoop, and went straight for the lock without looking back. The cat meowed loudly as she passed by. "Come on, Fifolet."

It stretched up in an arch and set its sights back on the idling car, seemingly narrowing its eyes toward the vampire. With a sassy swish of the tail, it turned and followed her into the house.

Dracula watched intently until the door finally closed shut, he could see the lights flick on through the windows but nothing more past all the curtains. He chuckled to himself as he put the vehicle into gear again. What a silly thing to demand…of course he was going to get her blood. Time was eternal, he could be patient, and once he got her…he was going to enjoy every last drop.

Taglist:

@festering-queen @vissidarte213 @moony691

#through the darkness #dracula x ofc #dracula x oc #dracula bbc #idk i just want to ride dracula in a rolls royce #chapter four ayyy

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fortunatelycooltrash · 5 years ago

Text

So people love to say that America doesn’t have free healthcare because the quality would sink and the waits would go up. Now, while those are valid worries despite being no excuse for the atrociously high prices of even minior procedures, I’d like to share some bullshit that I’ve experienced involving normal US hospitals and medical branches alike.

My root canal is going to cost 2500 dollars because it is not covered by most dental plans despite it being a completely necessary procedure that directly affects my health. Absorb that then absorb the fact this plan covers some of braces. The crown alone is costing over 1200.

I almost died in a hospital waiting room because my ‘stomach ache’ that was causing me so much pain I was sick with it wasn’t severe enough to qualify for immediate attention. Undiagnosed Appendicitis.

My nephew and sister almost met their end because an incompetent doctor misdiagnosed my sister with a URI. She had type A flu.

My cousins father had a doctor who refused to diagnose him despite him coming back constantly because of lethargy. Said he couldn’t find anything wrong. Her father was poor and had really bad insurance. Finally he went to another doctor and was diagnosed with kidney cancer. He could have lived if he had been diagnosed a year or two prior before it spead but by the time he got his diagnosis, it was too late. He died, I believe, a few months later but I was young so he might have made it a year or longer.

I suffered from chronic nosebleeds as a child to the point that blood didn’t even scare me anymore. The doctor told my mother that it was coming from wounds inside my nose and I was most likely picking at it and there was nothing medically wrong with me. My mother, knowing even as a child I knew not to waste her money, took me to another doctor. Severe Anemia. Still suffer from it too this day. Have to take those horrid tasting red pills🤢.

My aunt constantly butchering her budget because she needs her insulin and it’s cost keeps getting higher despite it remaining relatively the same. Luckily my state is looking to cap it at 100 though if that will actually go into effect isn’t determined yet.

My mom, bless her, repeatedly going in for her back aching only to be told pain was normal for someone of her weight and age. Nope, she is a nurse and turned people that were 300 pounds or more. She had completely blown her back and had a pinched nerve that was so severe she could barely stand without pain. The doctor that diagnosed her was surprised she could even walk.

My sister, having a grand mal seizure in the nurses office of a high school. They told her to stop faking. That bitch wasn’t even a real nurse so this one doesn’t count but I had to mention this because why the fuck wasn’t a registered nurse hired?

My (other) aunt having minor chest pain then suffering a heart attack in the waiting room because they had her wait so long since she didn’t seem serious. I’m sure that’s going to have lasting damage that could have been easily prevented.

My sister giving birth and getting a 28,000 dollar bill for a room and care for her and the baby. She was there for a day and a half. She didn’t even have a long or complicated delivery.

My mother being told she was completely fine to continue working despite having an off feeling about her third pregnancy(about 24 years ago) the doctor told her there were no complications and she could go on as normal. She miscarried her seven month along daughter three days later because her placenta was underneath the baby and tore. That doctor is still in practice.

The nurses in my mothers delivery room ignoring both her and the monitor. Which, if they had been looking at, clearly desplayed my older brother with his umbilical core wrapped tight around his neck. He lived because my moms main doctor walked in and had a conniption fit when he noticed the vitals dropping. He’s the doc my sis uses now. A good man.

(Same bro)My older brother turning blue everytime he cried being brushed off. Hole in his heart that has since closed.

When I was younger, I slipped in the shower and hit my head so hard against the metal lining of it(stall shower) that the skin split open and abscessed. My doc treated the abscess but did no further testing after a 4 hour wait. As we were leaving, I don’t remember much of this week my mom told me, I vomited and passed out in the parking lot. Had a concussion.

My brother being misdiagnosed with the flu, strep, and a few other things over the course of a few weeks before one doctor finally tested him for HIV. It was positive. Luckily he only had one partner. Unluckily, the partner was the one that gave it to him via cheating on him.

Me, almost dying of a violent case of strep throat because they said I had a sinus infection. My fever peaked at 104 then, blessedly, broke. I do not remember this as the memories of the days I was sick are incredibly fever burned but I remember wrapping blankets around me because I was so cold.

The strep attacked so quick and harshly that if I had lived alone it probably would have killed me since I wouldn’t have been able to get help and I would’ve kept trying to get ‘warmer’ and helped raise my temp over 106. You typically don’t come back from that one unharmed. If at all.

My older bro(cord baby) being told suffering from auditory hallucinations was a common thing(not wrong but they should have actually asked about his family history and idk, did more??) he had undiagnosed bipolar disorder. He is medicated and much happier now.

Me breaking my gotdamn pointer knuckle and the x-ray person getting blurry x-rays that she used despite the fact that they weren’t accurate. Thank you bitch, now my abnormally short pointer finger clicks because it began to set wrong.

Theres a few more but I’m currently giving my bro a hard time for texting me a text meant for his bf so imma bounce for now. May add more later. The whole point to this was to show people that don’t want free health care because the ‘quality would go down’ or the ‘wait would be too long’ that the wait is already long enough for you to die anyway and the quality already sucks ass if you’re poor because they will not diagnose you correctly.

Or They will misdiagnose you then blame YOU when you sue(happened to my mom in that miscarriage one but because he hadn’t wrote a release back to work she had no actual proof he’d told her she could.)

Or They will overcharge you for things that have a far cheaper value simply because they can and you can’t do anything about it because you need that procedure or medicine to keep your health good.

I can understand things like heart surgery or transplants, you know, the big major stuff not being free because yeah that shit takes a fuck ton of resources and care so I get it, I do. I can reasonably say “Yup that should cost thousands.” I mean, I’m don’t even avocate for fully FREE healthcare, I just want a limit on their overpricing bull shit to where it matches with economic standards.

You can’t expect someone with an average 7-4 job that pays 10/hr(oooh ya, y’all think I’d go higher? Guess what, young people starting out their careers also get sick!) to drop thousands upon thousands of dollars for whatever. The sad thing is I can say ‘whatever’ and you can actually think of multiple things that aren’t that major or that resource draining yet still cost thousands.

Even someone making 15/hour couldn’t do that and I’d be hard pressed to say even 20-25/hr could do that. They may have it better and be able to pay it off faster but they’d still be in debt for a while or have to work years after their planned retirement to make up for the lost savings if they were lucky enough to have them.

I’ve also heard people complaining about it raising taxes but you’ll spend way more getting something done at a hospital then you’d spend on those taxes in a year.

Besides, if you’re so pissed about taxes then to even it out protest the stupid taxes. Your house? Taxed. Your inheritance that you gain but also leave behind to care for your family? Taxed. Your property that you bought 100% full price paid? Taxed every year. Your car? Taxed.

How bout getting pissed about those instead of getting pissy about people getting their health fixed? There are plenty of ridiculous taxes so I don’t know why people are so against having one that actually helps people.

Sorry for this rant, I know it’s not centered around my profile theme but I am majorly pissed off that I’m about to have to let a tooth rot out of my head because my insurance decided that: covering something cosmetic like braces? Yeah! Covering a completely necessary surgery that can actually harm/kill the person via infection if left untreated? Nope, that costs us more!

I can’t drop two fucking grand on dental surgery. It’s just not happening. I don’t know anyone who can do that shit. Anyone who gets pissed off about me posting this: go slam a hammer against your tooth until it cracks down the middle, exposing your nerve to the harsh unforgiving world then let it develop a cavity around it.

Afterwards, try to eat literally anything: hot, cold, hard, soft, it doesn’t matter. You’ll cry, I promise. Now imagine being told the only way to fix that is to cough up over two grand and if you can’t well then oh fucking well? Kinda hurts ya a bit. Not nearly as much as the tooth but still.

Hell, I know dental probably wouldnt even get covered if they made healthcare reduced or free but this whole situation has reminded me just how fucked you are if you get anything remotely wrong with you in the U.S

#freehealthcare #no i dont plan on having kid too many bad genes #america #americanhealthcare

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