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#I’ve been thinking abt it nonstop today
justsomedumbstuff · 3 months
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the tags about maeda on that gorgon kamukura art…. “why don’t i feel sick anymore” odhfhdhd ripped my damn heart out /pos
NO CAUSE. I. AUUGH. DUDE.
HE DOESNT GET WHY….. HE. HH
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oatm1lkcowboy · 1 year
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need to draw pissa today or i’ll explode
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borderline-gays-club · 7 months
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03/07/24. 11:18pm
I had a rough week. A lot of lows and life testing me lol. Just been feeling depressed abt wasting my life at my stupid job and not being able to get anything that’s not customer service related. I haven’t even gotten responses from restaurants: the industry that I have 6 years of experience in…
And I’ve just been applying nonstop to any job that isn’t gonna make me want to die for the past like 3 months. And writing cover letters and constantly looking at jobs that I barely don’t qualify for and the job market in general just being a hellhole. And now that I’m getting a crumb of interviews, just wasting my time going to these things hoping I get hired. It’s just all depressing and it’s been finally hitting me.
And of course bc of all this my money problems are exacerbated and it’s just constant anxiety abt money. And etc etc
I finally mustered up some hope in me like 2 days ago too and just got physically exhausted from my job. Then the next morning I had my whole day planned to keep my hope alive and just got crushed again. I waited 5 hrs outside for a check I didnt even end up getting that day. And it was raining and I was wet and cold and hungry lol. Had to ask my mom for help who has already been helping me a lot with money and I’m very privileged to have her as a safety net but she’s been talking abt being tight on money now so I just hate asking for extra help. I just wail cried for like 10 minutes and asked my friends to help me with dinner prep. I’m learning to ask for help slowly when I’m not okay instead of either isolating or pretending like I’m ok and holding it in. I’m still learning the balance of how much of my feelings to show/express in front of others. Mostly bc in the past my feelings wud just b too extreme and take up too much space.
But today was better. I got my check, was able to pay the rest of my rent, was able to eat something yummy and feel full, got a few art supplies to start a small project I’ve been thinking abt the past few days. I was gonna work on stuff but I’ve been learning how to slow down. Bc pushing myself too hard all at once just ends up in huge breakdowns and burnouts. It’s not worth it at all. So I just chilled and petted my kitty and was present with her. Didn’t feel guilty abt not being “productive”. I really needed some emotional, and mental and physical rest. It’s just been a lot.
And I’m mostly writing all this down bc I need to remember these moments where I can see myself making small improvements in hard habits. Like slowing down esp when I’m feeling overwhelmed and being present in my existence. And asking for help when I’m feeling overwhelmed and not okay instead of isolating or faking I’m fine.
And then just now, something happened that I wanted to jot down. So I made dinner for everyone and it didn’t turn out right. My friend who, long story short, cannot eat food if the texture/taste is icky to them and it emotionally affects them negatively to eat food that is wrong, ate a little bit and couldn’t eat. Also them not eating sets them up for a difficult next day, and bc of other things they didn’t eat much today. So I felt really shit that I made the food inedible for them and just went silent for like 10 min. And of course they noticed and asked and I told them I just felt bad cus they cudnt eat.
And we watched Naruto and just chilled and I felt my spiral dissipate. Just expressing it out loud slowed down my spiral. Cus in the moment I was just getting intrusive thoughts like “you’re a failure, youre a terrible friend, you can’t even do simple things right, you’re so miserable, you should punish yourself by not eating, it’s all your fault that you ruined their whole day for tomorrow, they’re going to suffer bc of u etc etc”. And then I was like I can either isolate (which felt like the “better” more familiar option) and continue to spiral into self hating gunk OR stay present and just say the feeling out loud and see where it goes from there.
Although I wanted to do the first thing (isolate), I said no. Bc I knew I wud just sulk and be upset and it wud just turn into a whole existential deep hatred for myself especially with how the week went. So I sat and processed what to do. My friend asked if I was ok. I said it simply that I felt bad cus they cudnt eat. We continued watching the show and the spiral dissipated as I engaged with my friends again and got out of my head and present with the moment and the show.
And then there was a moment after the show was done and I said sorry for getting moody, and explained the whole thought process above.
And I didn’t say this out loud cus I didn’t want to take up too much time deep diving esp cus it was getting late and my friend was just low from not eating well today, but another thing to note is I know where this extreme splitting of myself is coming from.
This is also very specific to my best friend who I am talking abt. We had a rough past, bc of me and essentially my unchecked/undiagnosed BPD. There was a point where they basically said if I don’t change the relationship can’t continue. And I’m still grappling with the guilt of the pain I put them through. And I know it’ll take time. But this is why when I make a mistake or don’t do something exactly as I planned when it’s something including my friend I spiral into this guilt self hatred shit. But I will say I’ve gotten better over time.
I remember before I literally bawled bc I offered them a cinnamon roll I made and they politely said no thank you. And I just immediately spiraled like: oh god they think the food I made is disgusting so therefore I’m disgusting and horrible and vile and they’re going to leave me and they secretly hate me and etc etc. and thinking abt this now I’m like…god damn. It was really that intense for me!!! And now I wud just not react that way at all. And I later told my friend this whole thing and they were like oh I just literally brushed my teeth and just didn’t want that specific food item in that moment anyway. Lol it was just such a non situation and I blew it up in my head.
And like I definitely still do this and struggle but it’s not nearly as bad as it used to be. And in regards to the situation that happened tonight, instead of catastrophizing and being like oh god now tomorrow will be all bad and my friend is going to starve!! I slowed down and was like well, what are possible solutions? They can’t get food in the morning bc it’s too early, I can’t make them food early in the morning bc they expressed they need something high dopamine to b able to eat after a bad texture food (can’t b the usual breakfasts I make), they can’t eat something near their job bc there’s not much nearby and their break is short, BUT I can try to order them food near their job during their break. So we figured that out together and hopefully It will work out. And even if it doesn’t it’s not the end of the world. It will just suck, but it’s a situation that can be recovered. And ppl make mistakes, and the mistake i made is just something that can happen sometimes. And there are solutions to these problems.
I need to practice more self compassion bc self hate doesn’t even benefit the situation nor the relationship. If anything it makes everything worse.
So yeah. I wanted to write this all out so I can look back and really see the progress I’ve been making and im proud of myself for that. Bc esp when spirals and bad days and weeks and sometimes months happen, I can remind myself that I am getting better slowly instead of just thinking everything is the same. Bc it can b hard to think I’m getting better when I still go thru intense emotional waves.
I just need to continue to push forward and slow down at the same time :)
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erenloveclub · 2 years
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in case u were wondering i am not even trying to be normal abt erens dick today
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yoongiseesawmp3 · 3 years
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just about perfect - seonghwa
howdy folks, back with another fic but i’m switching it up on ya! i might start writing regularly for ateez as well so y’all are cool with that right? right.
summary: this is NOT inspired by seonghwa saying he watches nevertheless. why would you even think that.
warnings: not the kind of warning u were expecting but there’s no smut (i know its based off a show abt friends with benefits so that’s why i’m warning u. do not get ur hopes up) a little cussing, a lotta me waxing poetic abt the perfect man park seonghwa. also slight tomfoolery from the teezers
word count: 10.6k
the bookstore just off campus is your current go-to study spot, mostly because the cafe inside has a drink special where you buy one coffee and get a voucher for the new bakery next door. so, let’s just say the past few days you’ve been well caffeinated and well fed. you’re on the way there now, already planning out what your treats are going to be. 
today you were supposed to meet your “study group” after your last class of the day, but it looks like you’re the only one here so far. and you say “study group” loosely, the professor for your music theory elective encouraged everyone to make a study group for the upcoming final and your group of friends chose to work together. there’s been no studying going on, though.
especially not when hongjoong’s new friend seonghwa has been flirting with you literally nonstop. he’s apparently friends with everyone else in your group too. san knows him from an art class they took together last semester, meanwhile wooyoung and yeosang claim they lived on seonghwa’s floor freshman year and he always bought them booze. seonghwa denies it, only because hongjoong would slap him if he admitted to buying alcohol for underage kids. 
tasteful delinquency aside, seonghwa is a fine person. you mean personality fine, not like, fine fine even though san would beg to differ. he knows you’ve developed a thing for seonghwa despite trying not to, and he’s secretly trying to get you two together. 
which is why san suddenly texts you and says he can’t make it, and neither can yeosang or wooyoung. they decided to ditch studying to practice for the final in their dance class instead, so it’ll be just you, seonghwa and hongjoong. and little did you know, hongjoong was trying to do the same thing as san. so we’ll see how this goes. 
“y/n, you can’t do that,” hongjoong warns you, referring to the scale you were trying to fill out. 
“why not?” you ask, looking down at your work and wondering what’s wrong.
“because it’ll sound like shit,” seonghwa replies before sipping his coffee. 
“what he said,” hongjoong agrees, grabbing your paper and erasing some of the notes you had scribbled out. “it should look more like this.”
you glance over at what he’s done on top of your old work and sigh. you took this class because you like music, and you thought learning about how it works would be interesting, but it’s hard. 
“can’t you just do all my work for me?” you plead. at this rate, you don’t think you’ll be able to pass the final. 
“no, i don’t want you dragging me down in this class,” hongjoong replies. “my grades are great.” 
“i hate you.”
“what are you struggling with, y/n?” seonghwa asks as he finally looks up from his laptop. he had been working on an assignment for another class this whole time because he, like hongjoong, is great with music theory. so maybe this study group was a good thing. 
“here, you can switch seats with me,” hongjoong says as he clears the spot next to you on the weathered loveseat. “i’m going to look for a book i should’ve started reading two weeks ago.” 
before you can protest, seonghwa is sliding his laptop across the coffeetable and slides himself into the spot next to you. when he sits you notice your thighs are touching, which is weird because there was plenty of space when hongjoong was here. you don’t know that seonghwa is doing this on purpose, that hongjoon really left so he could flirt with the cute cashier in the cafe to give you and seonghwa some alone time. 
“so,” seonghwa starts once he’s settled. “what are you struggling with?” 
“hmm, all of it?” you reply. your answer makes seonghwa smile, and you like the way his eyes sparkle when he does.
“then i guess we’ll be here a while.”
-
about an hour later, seonghwa has walked you through all the major and minor scales you need to know for the test and you’re starting to understand a little more. you’re still having problems with the back of the study guide where you have to come up with note combinations that can apply to those scales, but you have time to work on that since the final is two weeks out. right now, your brain is fried and you need a break. 
“do you mind if i go get a coffee?” you ask seonghwa, who was in the middle of sending you the minor scale cheat sheet he made. he looks up from his laptop and shakes his head before he speaks.
“i would only mind if i can’t come with you.”
“it’s literally right over there, why do you need to come with me?” you question.
“i think i would just miss you too much,” he pouts, and you roll your eyes. seonghwa shuts his laptop and stands up. “what if i need coffee too?”
“you already had one,” you remind him as you stand.
“yeah,” he nods. “but teaching you is exhausting, so i need another. c’mon.”
he walks ahead of you to the counter, and you’re too busy searching for your wallet to notice he took his jacket off, revealing a sneaky tattoo on the back of his neck. it isn’t until you’re behind him in line that you get a look at the hand drawn star right on the nape of his neck, and you have to refrain from reaching out to trace the lines.
“i didn’t know you had a tattoo,” you decide to say. he turns around and instinctively rubs his hand across the tattoo, smiling at you with those sparkly eyes again.
“yeah, i have a couple,” he replies. “but this one is my favorite.”
“why?”
“because my name means ‘to become a star’, so i like knowing that i have a reminder with me all the time,” he explains.
“nice. it’s really pretty.”
“thanks, so are you.”
“sir?” the barista calls, pulling seonghwa’s attention from you. he steps up to give his order as you stare at the tattoo again, noticing alongside it a couple of freckles that almost make it look like a constellation.
“y/n?” seonghwa’s voice draws you out of your thoughts and you realize he’s finished ordering. “what do you want?”
“oh, i can get it,” you begin, but he cuts you off.
“no, my treat,” he insists, and you sheepishly walk up to the counter to give your order. seonghwa makes a mental note of what you get, and he also snatches the bakery voucher from you before you can put it in your pocket. you make a confused sound and seonghwa laughs. 
“why’d you do that?” you whine.
“you only get to use it if you come with me to the bakery later,” he teases. “say yes or i’m drinking your coffee and getting myself an extra cupcake.”
“fine,” you huff. “but i have an assignment due at midnight, so i can’t stay long.”
“it’s 4pm, that’s not enough time for you to finish it?” he asks while you step out of the way for the next customers.
“i haven’t started yet,” you admit. 
“you like saving things until the last minute, don’t you?”
“what makes you say that?”
“well, it looks like you haven’t been studying music theory at all, and now this,” he shrugs. 
“not everybody can be perfect like you, park seonghwa,” you grumble as the barista places two coffee cups on the bar. you hear seonghwa giggle shortly, and you give him a questioning look.
“so you think i’m perfect?” he smirks.
-
it’s the next day, almost midnight, and you really need spray paint. 
why? well, you’re stressed because you have so much to study for your finals and you don’t know where to start. yes, seonghwa helped yesterday, but he’s not in all your other classes, so you’ve decided you need a break from tearing your hair out over the material you can’t comprehend. the best way to distract yourself from that is to finally paint that dresser you got from a garage sale a few months ago, hence the spray paint. 
thankfully, san is still awake, and he has a car, so you ask him to pick you up for a quick run to the art supply store that’s surprisingly still open. a bonus of going to college in the city, you can get anything almost whenever you need it. 
“thanks for coming to get me,” you tell san as you hop into his car. 
“no problem,” he replies. “i was bored and hongjoong said he needed paint pens so this is a win-win situation. plus, i get to hear about your date with seonghwa yesterday.”
“it was not a date,” you groan, choosing to ignore the suggestive way san is looking at you right now. 
“but you spent the whole afternoon together,” san starts. “he bought you coffee and you went to the bakery together and talked about, like, your favorite colors and stuff. sounds like a date to me.”
“how do you know all that?”
“seonghwa told hongjoong and then hongjoong told me,” he explains as he turns onto the street that’ll take you to the art store. 
“well tell hongjoong that i’m still mad at him for ditching us,” you reply. “and i’m still kinda mad at you and the other two for bailing in the first place.”
“hey, if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have had your first date with seonghwa,” san points out.
“it was not a date!” you cry. “we studied most of the time we were together, then he bought my coffee and bullied me into going to the bakery. i couldn’t stay long because i had a paper to write, so we talked about stupid shit until i had to leave.”
“it sounds like the beginning of true love to me,” san sing-songs. 
“stop the car, i’ve decided to walk.”
-
when you get to the store, san separates from you quickly because he sees his friend mingi behind the counter. they’re busy talking while you search the store for the paints, and you’re so busy looking up at the aisle names that you don’t notice you’re about to run into someone. 
“hey-” you start to complain, but you recognize the man you almost bumped into. “oh, seonghwa.”
“y/n,” he smiles at you. “what are you doing out so late?” 
“uh, distracting myself from how small my brain is,” you explain. “what are you doing here?”
“hongjoong needed paint pens,” he says, and you’re about two seconds away from finding san and slapping him. did they really plan this too? 
“why didn’t he come get them?” you ask as you remember what you’re here to find. your eyes scan the aisle behind seonghwa and you spot the paint cans at the end, but he’s in your way.
“i offered,” he says with a shrug.
“you must be a really good friend, then.”
“well you did call me perfect yesterday, so...” he trails off, smirking. you roll your eyes at him but can’t help the blush creeping up your neck. he interrupts his new favorite activity of staring deeply into your eyes (just to fluster you, of course) and he sees that you’re looking past him at the shelves of paint. “you need something down here?” 
“um, yeah, the spray paint,” you reply, awkwardly trying to skirt around him to get into the aisle. he steps aside to let you through, but still follows you as you search for the color you want.
“what are you making?” 
“i’m painting a scuffed up dresser i’ve had for a while, so i want something simple that’ll go with the rest of the things in my room,” you explain as you stop walking and crane your neck to scan the bottles on the top shelf. seonghwa stops behind you and places his hand on the small of your back as he reaches for a can just out of your reach.
“what about this one?” he offers, handing you a can of light blue paint. it’s really pretty, and it’ll stand out with the white furniture you already have, but you really like it.
“oh, that’s perfect!” you say as you take the can from his hands.
“there you go again,” seonghwa teases, and you shoot him a questioning look. he smiles as he responds. “calling me perfect?”
“i said the paint was perfect, weirdo,” you snap. “but thank you for finding this.”
“anytime,” he tells you. “you said your favorite color was blue right?”
“right...” you mumble, thinking back to the conversation you had at the bakery yesterday. “how’d you remember?”
“ugh, i’m hurt!” he exclaims, hand flying to his chest in mock surprise. “i can’t believe you already forgot that it’s my favorite color too.”
“hm, guess i was too distracted by how perfect you are,” you joke. seonghwa laughs at that, a sharp sound that seemed to catch him off guard. he covers his mouth to stifle the sound, but you’re close enough to the cash register now that it draws attention from san and mingi.
“find what you need?” san asks with a shit eating grin.
“hm, just about,” you say as you place the paint on the counter. “couldn’t find a hammer big enough to drop on your head, though.”
“wow, harsh,” san scoffs. “and to think i brought you here out of the goodness of my heart.”
you’re too busy half-bickering with san to notice that seonghwa has paid for your paint and the pens he promised hongjoong. he mumbles something to mingi, who then hands him a piece of paper. he scribbles his number down for you before handing you the can and his number. 
“i gotta go, but i’ll see you later for study group, right?” he confirms. you’re still processing the fact that he keeps buying things for you and you can’t respond in time, so san steps in.
“yeah, y/n will be there,” san assures seonghwa. he nods and shoots you one last smile before he excuses himself and leaves. you’re stuck with san and that stupid grin again. he looks at you and then checks the paper with seonghwa’s number on it. “yep, i think you got what you needed.”
-
even though seonghwa very willingly gave you his number, you’re still afraid to text him. it’s kind of hard to believe that he’s into you the way you’re into him, so you’re fine with just seeing him for study dates. or, uh, not study dates. study gatherings. with just the two of you. because the other guys have bailed, again.
this time, though, you’re not working on music theory. you have an assignemnt due for your ethics class, and you need family and friends to read about your results from this morals test. you wanted san to do it, but he’s currently “chasing a sweet piece of ass,” whatever that means. he’s probably bothering his lab partner that he claims descended from greek gods. you would usually tease him for saying something like that, but it’s a thought you’ve had about seonghwa, so you kept your mouth shut.
anyway, you know you need someone to answer these questions for you, but you can’t bring yourself to ask seonghwa. he kept up his “perfect” demeanor again today, showing up at the bookstore before you so he could get you the coffee you like. you would ask why he keeps doing things like this for you, remembering your favorite color and your coffee order, but you’re afraid he’ll stop if you bring it up. little do you know, every time he learns something new about you, he writes it down in his notes app, keeping a running tab of the things you like.
“y/n?” you hear him ask. his voice snaps you out of your thoughts and you realize you’ve been staring at him this whole time. the smirk you’ve become so familiar with makes another appearance as he gets ready to tease you. “something on your mind?”
“no, i...no,” you stutter. “i’m just thinking.”
“about what?” he questions as he lifts his coffee cup to his lips. you watch the way he slightly pouts them before taking a sip and you have to stop yourself from staring again.
“just this ethics assignment i want to finish,” you explain. “sorry, i didn’t realize i was staring at you.”
“must be an important assignment,” he nods, leaning forward to put his cup back on the table in front of you. you get another glimpse at the star tattoo on his neck as he does. “because i was definitely staring at you too, and you didn’t even notice.”
“oh?” 
“yep,” he confirms. “i was giving you my best puppy dog eyes and everything.”
“puppy dog eyes?” you ask, unsure of what’s coming. “do you need something?”
“eh, not really,” he shrugs. “i’m just worried.”
“why?”
“you never texted me the other night.”
“after the art store?” you ask incredulously. 
“isn’t that when i gave you my number?” he smirks. 
“i didn’t think you wanted me to text you immediately...”
“well, it’s been three days and i still don’t have your number,” he pouts. 
“hold on a second,” you mumble, reaching for your bag. you fumble around in there, searching for the piece of paper with seonghwa’s number on it as he watches you fondly.
“what are you doing?”
“looking for your number,” you reply like it’s obvious. seonghwa laughs a little and places his hand on your arm to stop you. 
“you do know i’m right next to you, and i could just put my number in myself?” he asks, eyes sparkling as he half-smiles at you. you blush, because no, you weren’t thinking about that. you sheepishly hand him your phone and watch as he adds his number and then texts himself. he gives your phone back and replaces it with his own before asking, “what’s your favorite emoji?”
“um, the smiling cowboy?” you offer, not sure why he’s asking. he laughs again, like he did in the art store, but this time it’s harder for him to quiet the breathy giggles coming from his chest.
“why that one?” he asks, typing something quickly.
“it’s funny,” you shrug. “why?”
“needed something cute to put next to your name, but you’re a weirdo, so it’s not as cute as i was imagining,” he explains, showing you the contact card in his phone. your number is saved as “y/n 🥰🤠” and you can’t help but laugh. you look up at seonghwa, warmth in your eyes, and he starts laughing too.
“see?” you giggle. “it is funny.”
“whatever, at least now i have your number.”
-
after exchanging numbers with seonghwa, you’re starting to let yourself believe little by little that he might feel the same way you do. it’s not anything serious, but there’s definitely something there. the texts he sends are always flirtatious, and it has your heart beating faster every time you get a notification, hoping that it’s him. you’re in the middle of studying for your spanish final when you feel your phone vibrate on the bed next to you, and you smile when you see who it’s from.
seonghwa 🥺💫, 6:28pm: are you busy rn?
you, 6:28pm: not really, just studying
seonghwa 🥺💫: can’t be studying too much if you replied that quickly 🥸
you: what do u want
seonghwa 🥺💫: be nice :-(
you: sorry
you: hi seonghwa, how are you? what do you want.
seonghwa 🥺💫: come get dinner with me? 
you: right now?
seonghwa 🥺💫: no, in 30 years. yes right now 
you: but i’m studying ://
seonghwa 🥺💫: liar!
you: fine, when and where?
seonghwa 🥺💫: i’ll pick you up in ten 🤠
“you sure like staying close to campus, huh?” you ask seonghwa as he walks you about a block from your usual hangout and to a little hole in the wall restaurant that looks like it could seat maybe 20 people, uncomfortably. 
“i know what i like,” he responds with a shrug. “speaking of things i like, you look nice.”
“oh, thank you,” you semi-laugh. you’d been close to panic trying to figure out what to wear (because you’re not sure if this is a date) so you went with something simple, but you’re glad seonghwa likes it. not that you wanted to impress him. but you did, a little. anyway, he looks...well, perfect, wearing black ripped jeans and a velvet-y navy shirt. you continually have to stop yourself from reaching out and stroking his arm just to feel the soft fabric (and maybe his muscles). 
“so i take it you’ve never been here before?” he asks as he hands you a menu. you shake your head no in response. you can’t tell if he’s doing it intentionally, but seonghwa leans closer into your side as he explains. “you pick a main entree, but each dish comes with these sides. they say no substitutes, but i know the guy behind the counter so you can ask for more of something else if you don’t like one of them.”
“i might do that,” you say. “i don’t really want dumplings, so could i get extra sweet potatoes?”
“of course,” he nods, noting the way you smile slightly. it makes your eyes light up, and his heart does a little backflip knowing that he’s the reason for it. well, the sweet potatoes probably are, but he’s the one getting the sweet potatoes, so he’s taking that win for himself. once you both confirm what you want, he places his hand on your back and guides you to the counter.
“hey seonghwa!” the tall guy with a lopsided smile behind the register greets. “long time no see. who’s your friend?”
“hey yunho,” seonghwa smiles back. “this is y/n, a vip, so make sure you give us the good stuff.”
“extra sweet potatoes?” yunho laughs. you and seonghwa both nod as yunho continues taking your order, and you find yourself comfortably leaning into seonghwa as you wait for yunho to calculate the price. before seonghwa can even think about taking his wallet out, you’re handing yunho cash for the food, which makes seonghwa sputter.
“what? y/n, i was going to pay,” he whines, and you simply shake your head.
“nope, my turn,” you tell him. “you’ve bought me coffee too many times.”
“but i asked you out! i don’t want you to pay on our first date if i’m the one who brought you here,” he continues to complain.
“so this is a date?” you confirm, right as yunho asks suggestively “oh, this is a date?”
“yunho, give y/n’s money back,” seonghwa says, ignoring the two of you. “i’m paying.”
“yunho, if you give me that money i’ll be forced to leave and stand seonghwa up for our date,” you say, emphasizing the last word. now you’re glad you wore clean pants.
“seonghwa, why don’t you let y/n pay for this, and then you can get the next one?” yunho suggests, sending you a wink before he turns to the kitchen to share your order with the chef. you’re left with a flustered seonghwa, which is a sight you’re not used to, and it makes you laugh.
“c’mon,” you say as you pull on his arm. “let’s go find a table.”
you’re the only ones in the restaurant, so the food comes out pretty quick, and you have to stifle a laugh when you see that someone has arranged the sweet potatoes on a separate plate in the shape of a heart. seonghwa blushes at this, and you’re taken aback by how shy he’s suddenly become.
for some reason, seonghwa showing signs of nervousness puts you at ease, and you lead the conversation to something stupid san told you about the boys and their shenanigans at their dorm. the story has seonghwa laughing, and he confirms that yes, yeosang does have a sword by the tv, and yes, hongjoong did threaten to use it on him after he lost an intense match of fifa. 
“in hongjoong’s defense,” seonghwa begins, “i do think yeosang cheated. wooyoung was definitely helping him.”
“it still sounds ridiculous,” you tell him. “why does anybody need a sword?”
“yeosang is just...yeosang,” seonghwa replies. “he’s weird but he won’t admit that to anyone.”
“i’m just saying, if i went to someone’s house and there was a katana by the tv, i’d haul my ass outta there.” seonghwa giggles at how serious you look, but this conversation reminds him...
“you never showed me your room,” he says bluntly. you pause for a moment, spoon halfway to your mouth, and seonghwa realizes how that must sound. “i mean, the paint, your dresser. you never showed me a picture once you fixed it up.”
“oh,” you breathe out. “let me grab my phone, i can show you.”
“show him what?” a familiar voice suddenly asks from the seat next to you. when you notice that san, and some of your other friends, have snuck their way into the restaurant, you have to keep yourself from groaning.
“why are you here.”
“i’m hungry,” san replies, then turns to seonghwa. “you didn’t tell us you were getting dinner.”
“i didn’t want to,” seonghwa deadpans. “ i wanted it to be just me and y/n.”
“too late for that, pal,” honjoong says as he slides into the seat across from you. “hi y/n.”
“hey hongjoong,” you grumble. “please tell me you’re getting your food to go.”
“we were, but then we saw our good friends eating all by themselves and thought we should join them,” hongjoong teases. by now, the rest of the boys have sat down around you, some at other tables, and one of them you don’t recognize. that must be jongho, their younger “roommate” who technically lives in first year housing but doesn’t get along with the other guy in his room. you’ve heard seonghwa complain that jongho eats all of his snacks. 
“well, i hope you enjoy your food, but seonghwa and i were just about to leave,” you lie, looking at seonghwa with a stare that pleads ‘please go along with this.’
“where are you going?” wooyoung asks, one table over.
“my apartment,” you respond quickly, standing up as seonghwa follows your cue with a stupidly adorable look on his face.
“oh, perfect!” san chirps. “we’ll come with you!”
so much for your date with seonghwa. it was hard to stop the boys from insisting they all join you at your apartment, especially after yunho said his shift was over and he could really use some destressing. and by destressing he meant booze, so you currently have 8 tipsy boys scattered across your living room. if you thought they were loud before...it’s amazing that your neighbors haven’t complained yet. 
it started off innocent enough, you were just playing card games at first and the loser of each round had to drink. then it turned into never have i ever, and each time you put a finger down you had to drink. then yeosang suggested shots, and it really went downhill from there. san tried convincing everyone to play a round of spin the bottle just for the chance of making you and seonghwa kiss, but mingi and wooyoung were the only ones down, so majority ruled there. 
“san, stop pouting,” you laugh, noticing that he’s upset over his evil plan not working out.
“it’s fine,” he lies, duck lips on full display. 
“spin the bottle is such a tween-y game too,” jongho pipes in. “and we’re adults, so it would be kinda stupid to play it anyway.”
“says the baby of the group,” yeosang scoffs. 
“what about truth or dare?” hongjoong suggests. “still immature, but we can make it fun.”
“yes!” san shouts, suddenly back in a positive mood. 
“i’ll start,” mingi volunteers. he takes a deep breath as he looks around the room, eyes narrowing when he looks at you and seonghwa. you’re currently smushed into your armchair together, not really by choice, because the couch is completely full and neither of you wanted to sit on the floor (you know how dirty it is, and seonghwa has a bad hip). thankfully, mingi has mercy on you and directs his gaze to his best friend. “yunho, truth or dare?”
“truth,” yunho slurs out. you’d say he’s the opposite of stressed by now.
“did you sleep with that girl you met at the party last week?”
“no,” yunho replies quickly, cheeks turning a knowing shade of red. “i just walked her home.”
“and went missing until the next morning?” yeosang asks. he gets a few snickers, and you laugh a little too because you remember san and wooyoung talking about their friend who disappeared for a few hours last weekend.
“whatever,” yunho groans. “yeosang. truth or dare.”
“dare,” yeosang chooses confidently. 
“kiss wooyoung on the cheek.”
“no,” he replies, just as confidently. 
“then take another shot,” yunho concedes, waving his hand at the stubborn boy. wooyoung mumbles something about how kissable he is as yeosang downs what looks like more than just a regular shot.
“this is boring,” jongho whines, which makes him the next target. he chooses dare, and you have to detach yourself from seonghwa so you can go into your kitchen and find the lemon juice in your fridge so jongho can chug what’s left. he’s sputtering after a few sips and gives up, grumbling up to you, “ i hate you for that.”
“hey, it wasn’t my dare,” you defend yourself. “you owe me lemon juice.”
“i’ll give it to you if you choose dare,” jongho challenges. you roll your eyes and take the bait, earning a round of ooo’s from the boys around you. 
“make her kiss seonghwa,” someone hisses.
“or me!” wooyoung chirps. jongho looks over at him with a death glare, and wooyoung shrugs. “i just want someone to want to kiss me.”
“i think you’re cut off,” hongjoong says as he leans across your coffee table to move the bottle away from wooyoung.
“everyone be quiet!” san shouts. “jongho has to give y/n a dare.”
“hmmm,” jongho starts, tapping his finger on his chin. “what should i do?”
“for someone who said this was boring, you’re really milking this,” seonghwa says under his breath. you’re perched on the arm of the chair, close enough to hear him, but thankfully no one else does.
“what’s that other childish game called?” jongho wonders aloud. “seven minutes in heaven? i think you should do that with seonghwa.”
“do i have to?” you pout, and your reluctance makes seonghwa stiffen. he thinks you said that because you’re uncomfortable, and not because you don’t want the boys pressing their ear up to the door while the two of you make out.
“rules are rules,” hongjoong concludes, nodding his head toward your room. “go have fun. i’ll keep the kids from bothering you.”
you look to seonghwa, who isn’t looking directly at you. you tentatively take his hand, giving it a squeeze before you stand up and lead him to your room. there are so many catcalls, whistles and cheers coming from your friends that you barely hear san say “take your time! it doesn’t have to be just seven minutes!”
once you get to your room, you let seonghwa go in first and then you lock the door behind you. he quirks an eyebrow at that, and you shrug shyly. 
“don’t want one of them bursting in,” you explain. seonghwa nods, and you both fall silent. it’s not necessarily awkward, just tense. you both want to do what seven minutes in heaven is meant for, but you’re not gonna make the first move and seonghwa still isn’t sure you even want to be in this situation. so he takes this time to turn around and take your room in, pointing to your dresser.
“is this it?” he asks. you hum out a yes in response, and he runs his hand over the freshly painted wood. “it looks nice. whoever picked out the color sure knows what he’s doing.”
“eh, he’s just lucky,” you joke, and you both laugh. you move to stand next to him and place your hand on top of his. “sorry we couldn’t finish our date.” 
“sorry my friends are so annoying,” seonghwa adds. 
“sorry san pushed me into your lap earlier,” you continue, and seonghwa smirks.
“well, i didn’t mind that,” he says. “i wanted you to sit with me, but i didn’t want to draw attention.”
“oh,” you squeak, feeling a blush on its way to your cheeks. a heavy silence falls over you, and seonghwa is the first to break it.
“listen, if you don’t want to kiss me, that’s cool,” he begins. “i kinda got the vibe earlier that you didn’t want to do this, and that’s cool. if you don’t want to do this we’re still cool.”
“you don’t sound very cool about it,” you chuckle, and seonghwa’s face flushes. “but i was only nervous because i didn’t know if you wanted to kiss me.”
“oh i want to kiss you,” he says firmly. “have for a while.”
“why don’t you do it then?” you challenge. seonghwa takes a step closer to you, and before you know it he’s pinned you against your dresser. you balance your hands on it and the cool wood helps you ground yourself as your body heats up from having seonghwa so close.
“are you sure?” he asks, only a few inches from your face. you nod and whisper out “i’m sure” and seonghwa quickly cups your face and smothers you in a kiss. it starts off slow, and your face warms at his touch. once you relax into it you move your lips against his, nipping at his bottom lip slightly and earning a groan from the man before you. you take the chance to slip your tongue past his lips as you bring your hands up to the nape of his neck, slowly brushing through his soft hair. his hands find their way to your waist, gripping tightly but not too hard, and he leans in to get as close to you as possible. you keep kissing for a few moments, but eventually you need to breathe so you lightly tap on his neck. he pulls back, breathing heavy, and his smile shines like the most beautiful stars in the sky. “so?”
“so?” you repeat, equally out of breath.
“that was nice.”
“it was.”
“the boys are gonna know we made out.”
“of course they are,” you laugh. “your lips look swollen.”
“so do yours,” he counters. 
“but wasn’t that the whole point of us coming in here?” you ask. your hands have fallen to his chest, and you finally get a chance to smooth out the soft velvet of his shirt. and you notice his chest is very, uh, firm, too.
“we didn’t have to kiss,” he says with a shrug. “we could’ve just talked.”
“about what?” you ask with a smile.
“my keen eye for interior design,” he replies. “how sexy you look in low lighting.”
“so you think i’m sexy?” you tease, and seonghwa rolls his eyes.
“i just had my tongue in your mouth, does that answer your question?”
another silence comes over you both, but this one is lighter than before. you’re subconsciously rubbing your hands over his shirt, and seonghwa brings a hand up to cover yours, stopping it right over his heart.
“we don’t have to tell them,” you offer. “i mean, they kept it a secret from us that they were trying to get us together this whole time.”
“oh no, i was fully aware of that,” seonghwa tells you, and you scoff. “do you think i really wanted to get out past midnight just to buy hongjoong some expensive markers? he never even paid me for them.”
“well now i really don’t want to tell them we kissed,” you whine. “how could everyone be in on this except me?”
“it was more fun that way,” seonghwa teases before pecking your lips. “but we can keep this between us, for now.”
“i think we should,” you say with a nod of finality. “it’s more fun that way.”
“c’mon, let’s go back out there before they send a search party.”
you return to the living room before seonghwa (so he can sneak into the bathroom and fix his hair) and you find most of the boys asleep on the floor. you sigh as your eyes meet hongjoong’s, and he shrugs.
“at least they didn’t bother you,” he says. 
“can you help me find pillows and blankets for them, please?” you ask, and he nods before jumping into action. he throws one of the couch pillows down to yeosang, who takes it and hugs it to his chest. you have a couple extras in your hall closet and you pass them to yunho, who’s sitting up when you come back. he places one under mingi and another under jongho and keeps the last one for himself. san and wooyoung are on the couch, and hongjoong tells you he’s fine with the armchair. seonghwa is out of the bathroom by now, and, like the perfect man he is, he’s carrying blankets in his arms. the three of you work on getting all the boys covered before you realize that seonghwa doesn’t have a place to sleep.
“i can take another spot on the floor,” he assures you. “do you have another pillow i can use?”
“let him sleep in your room, y/n,” san mumbles from underneath wooyoung. you pause and look at seonghwa, who’s looking back at you with something you can’t read in his eyes. 
“it’s not a bad idea,” hongjoong pipes in from somewhere within the blanket cocoon he made for himself. “he was just there. you can put him on the floor.”
“y/n?” seonghwa asks, pulling your attention back to him. “i don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable.” 
you would try to fight it, so you could hopefully ignore taunts from the boys in the morning, but you’re suddenly really tired and you just want to lay down.
“i’m ok with it if you are,” you yawn. “take the rest of those blankets, we can use those for your bed.”
“make good choices,” honjoong mumbles as seonghwa leads you back to your room, and you hear san going “oooooo” as you close your door a second time tonight. this time you don’t lock it though, and when you turn around you see the blankets on the floor and seonghwa sprawled out on your usual side of the bed, so you tell him.
“well why don’t you come join me then?” he teases with a grin. you blush and shake your head.
“scoot over.”
he does, but only by an inch. he still looks at you with that flirty glint in his eyes, and you can only shake your head again as you crawl into the tiny space next to him. he immediately wraps an arm around your waist and gives you a tight hug, placing a kiss on your shoulder.
“thank you,” he whispers into your back.
“for what?” you reply.
“for not putting me on the floor. and for liking me.”
-
you just woke up from maybe the best night of sleep you’ve ever had. seonghwa’s arms and legs are draped over yours, so you can’t get up without waking him, but having him so close is a welcome source of warmth. your apartment is quiet, and the sun is peacefully filtering into your room through your curtain. it’s the perfect moment, with your perfect boy, until- 
“i think they’re still asleep,” you hear someone whisper from the hallway.
“wooyoung, leave them alone!” another voice hisses. there’s silence for a moment, and then a smack, followed by someone jiggling the doorknob to your room. you quickly untangle yourself from seonghwa before you watch as the door cracks open a bit, revealing wooyoung in all his bed-headed glory. you close your eyes as much as you can while still peeking at who’s sneaking into your room, and you see jongho close behind him. he must’ve been the one who got smacked. or did the smacking. either way, they’re both staring at you and seonghwa in your bed, but you notice wooyoung smile and pause.
“i knew it! they definitely got together last night.”
“how do you know?” jongho asks. “maybe y/n let seonghwa sleep on the bed because of his old man hips.”
“whatever. they’re in the same bed, so that’s at least something,” wooyoung replies. “lame, but still something.”
“what did you expect?” jongho asks incredulously. “you thought we would catch them doing it?”
“i mean, not exactly, but couldn’t i get a little cuddling maybe?”
“you want me to cuddle you hyung?” jongho deadpans.
“yes, actually-”
“hey!” a third voice whisper shouts. you hear footsteps and then you see hongjoong pulling wooyoung out of your room by the neck of his shirt. “leave them alone. and you, jongho, i’m surprised you’re playing along with this.”
“well...” jongho mumbles.
“well what?” hongjoong asks, sounding like the mom-est mom to ever mom.
“they’re the only ones that know how to make breakfast.”
“both of you, out! now!” hongjoong semi-shouts, and you feel seonghwa stirring behind you. hongjoong doesn’t realize you’re both awake and closes the door as he leaves.
“what time is it?” seonghwa grumbles out, and your heart skips a beat hearing how deep his voice is when he wakes up.
“early,” you reply, turning around to be face to face with him. his arms slowly snake around you as you look up at him and share a sleepy smile. “how can you look this good when you first wake up?”
“weird, i wanted to ask you the same thing,” seonghwa replies, leaning in to kiss you but you touch your fingers to his lips and stop him, so he pouts. 
“uh uh, not until i brush my teeth,” you say as you try to get up, but seonghwa’s grip on your waist keeps you down.
“please,” he pouts again, sparkly eyes on full display as he pleads with you. it takes about half a second for you to cave and kiss him quickly, catching him off guard. he shifts to pull you on top of him and deepen the kiss, but he loses his grip on you and you’re able to slip out of bed before he can stop you. a noise comes from deep in his chest that almost sounds like a growl, and you shoot him a glare.
“hey, you got your kiss,” you warn. “now i’m going to make breakfast for the gremlins. do you want to help me?”
-
after the intrusion into your bedroom, wooyoung obviously told the boys what he saw. but, like jongho said, most of them thought it was just because of seonghwa’s hips that made you share a bed with him. there wasn’t enough evidence otherwise, and none of them really expected either of you to make a move despite their efforts. but they’re starting to get suspicious.
little do they know, after the set up fell into place, seonghwa wanted to take you on a real date. the only way to do that without your friends knowing was to sneak around without them, which was kind of fun. it was nice having this bubble with seonghwa, just the two of you, but it was getting harder to avoid your friends. seonghwa lived with them after all, so they pestered him about how often he was out and who he might be out with. 
“san keeps asking if you’re a good kisser. i told him i didn’t know, and then he asked if he could find out for me. should i be concerned about that?”
“we need to be more careful, yeosang said he saw us at the taco place yesterday, and he said we hold hands weird.”
“hongjoong has been saving seats for us at the bookstore, and each time we don’t show up i think he steals something from me.”
you have been ditching study group lately, but that’s more because you need to do some deep studying for your other finals and your friends are too much of a distraction. seonghwa can be distracting too, but at least he can take a hint and back down when you really need to focus. it’s been nice actually, just spending time in his presence. you were so nervous around him just a few weeks ago, and now you feel like you could trust him with just about anything.
today, you don’t get any personal study time, though. your music theory final is coming up and seonghwa wants you to get all the terms memorized before the review session in class tomorrow. he’s motivating you with a kiss for each right answer and the promise of him making dinner once you’re done. you’re currently cruising on five wrong in a row, and you’re getting frustrated. 
“c’mon y/n, you know this,” seonghwa encourages you, but you just whine in response. “we did this like four minutes ago, and i told you the answer so you could remember it.”
“yeah, well i obviously didn’t,” you snap, and seonghwa fakes being hurt. “sorry. can we skip this and come back to it?”
“sure,” he agrees quickly. “but first you need to write down the circle of fifths for me.” 
“i hate you.”
“hm, wrong answer,” he hums. “but kiss anyway. maybe that’ll keep you from getting so grumpy.”
“i am not grumpy,” you defend after kissing him gently. “i’m stressed.”
“you know what you need?”
“hm?”
“you need to go on another date,” he begins. “with me, obviously.”
“damn, i wanted to know if yunho was free,” you tease, and seonghwa doesn’t think it’s funny. “now who’s grumpy?”
“ignoring that,” he scoffs, but you can tell he’s trying not to smile. 
“when would we go? i’m really busy the next few days.”
“what about after class? we could both clean up and do something nice before we get some dinner?” seonghwa suggests. “why don’t we go to that art exhibit you told me about?”
“ugh,” you groan as you learn your head on his shoulder. “that sounds amazing, but we both said we’d be at study group tomorrow, remember? hongjoong practically begged me to be there, and i said i would ask you to come.”
“what about not letting them know we’re a thing?” he pouts. you don’t tell him about the youngest two that saw you all cuddled up, but instead you assure him that you inviting him to study group wouldn’t look unusual to the boys.
“plus, if we both cancel last minute, they’d know for sure we were up to something together,” you continue. “so yes, we need to go on another date, but just not tomorrow.”
“fine,” he mumbles. “now i am grumpy.”
“would something from the cafe make it better, my little boba ball?” you ask in a baby voice.
“ooh, actually, boba sounds good,” seonghwa smiles. “let’s go.”
-
the next day you get to the bookstore late because your professor gave a pop quiz at the end of class and you’ve been so busy studying music theory you forgot to study for anything else, so you needed all the time you could get. when you finally arrive, all of the boys are there, surprisingly. since you’ve never seen yunho, mingi and jongho here before you’re a little confused, but happy to see them nonetheless. 
as you walk up to the usual spot, you notice a coffee cup sitting in front of an empty chair, and you point to it as the boys greet you.
“is this for me?” you ask, placing your bag on the ground before grabbing the warm mug. “thank you, coffee angel.”
“you’re welcome, actual angel,” seonghwa replies, and you almost choke on your first sip. what is he doing?? you’re supposed to be sneaky sneaks and keep your relationship quiet, but here he is flirting with you in front of everyone!
except, that’s what he did before you started dating too, so it’s not out of the ordinary. in fact, no one pays any mind to it, so you’re left with a burnt tongue and blushy cheeks while seonghwa looks at you with a stare that only you would understand. you quickly shoot him a wink before you put your mug down and reach for your notes.
“um, hello? what are you guys doing?” you ask yeosang next to you, who’s rabidly tapping at his phone, just like everyone else. if they weren’t distracted they might have picked up on the vibes between you and seonghwa, but thankfully they’re the oblivious ones now.
“playing a game,” half of them respond, just as hongjoong says “writing lyrics” and jongho mumbles “texting my mom.”
“aren’t we supposed to study?” you ask. “or did you already learn everything in the world while i was gone?”
“well you’ve missed a lot of study sessions, y/n,” san begins. “so yes, we have learned everything. now we just come here to hang out.”
“so then why did you insist on me being here, joong?” you ask newly orange-haired hongjoong. it’s been a while since you’ve seen him, he must’ve dyed it recently. 
“we missed hanging out with you,” he says simply, eyes peeking up from his phone. your heart constricts at this, and you catch seonghwa’s eyes again. you might have to rethink the whole sneaking around thing if they really do miss you.
“yeah, we missed you AND we had to make sure you and seonghwa are still spending time together,” wooyoung adds, wiggling his eyebrows. 
“where have you been anyway?” yeosang asks. “you don’t have other friends.”
“yes i do,” you scoff.”
“give me names and numbers.”
“ignore him,” yunho tells you, and you nod.
“i always do. but i’ve been really stressed about finals, so i had to do some soul searching on my own to decide if i need to graduate or not.”
“seems fair,” mingi agrees. “i almost had to drop a class.”
“because he forgot he was even enrolled in it,” jongho clarifies, and you laugh.
“but seonghwa has been missing a lot lately too,” san starts. “i wonder what he’s been doing.”
“or who,” wooyoung snickers, and hongjoong reaches over mingi to slap him.
“i haven’t been feeling well,” seonghwa says with a shrug. “i’ve mostly been in my room, or at the pharmacy to get medicine.”
“oh, so you could’ve bought new paper towels for the dorm then, huh?” hongjoong asks, and as the two of them start to bicker, yeosang nudges your arm.
“i saw you two,” he says quietly. “at the mexican restaurant.”
“i know,” you whisper back. 
“so i know you’re dating.”
“are you gonna say anything?”
“hmmm, no,” he thinks. “but you have to buy my silence.”
“with coffee?” you offer, and yeosang smiles. he stands up and puts his phone away before speaking, looking directly at seonghwa.
“my best friend y/n is gonna buy me coffee, we’ll be back,” he says as he loops his arm around your shoulders. seonghwa watches as you walk away (and stares at your ass) but he’s mostly thinking about how he’s a little jealous right now. like, he knows you wouldn’t do anything, he trusts you, but he doesn’t want his friends thinking you have a thing for anyone but him. so while you’re gone, he talks.
“i haven’t been sick,” he admits. “i’ve been seeing y/n.”
“we all knew, dude,” hongjoong says casually, and everyone agrees.
“then why didn’t you say anything?!”
“because YOU weren’t saying anything,” jongho replies.
“yeah, we figured that we did enough trying to get the two of you together, so if you didn’t end up dating then that was your fault. we were just waiting on you to make a move,” san explains. 
“then why did you let us lie to you like that?”
“it was fun,” wooyoung shrugs. “by the way, did y/n let you sleep in the bed because of your hips, or because you wanted to cuddle?”
the red tint on seonghwa’s cheeks gives him away, and the boys start laughing and ooo’ing so loud he’s afraid you’ll hear it over by the coffee counter.
“ok, ok, just. keep this quiet for now,” he says. “y/n may still want this to be private.”
“but you just told us about it,” yunho says. “why would you do that if you knew y/n wouldn’t want you to?”
“well,” seonghwa begins. “i need your help with a date.”
-
seemingly by an act of god, you have time this weekend to go on a date with seonghwa. little did you know, he’s the reason your plans suddenly freed up. san said you could critique him and wooyoung for their dance final another day, hongjoong said he would send you his music theory notes from the review and save you hours of studying and then yeosang found the exact spanish book you needed to finish your performance final ahead of time. it was the perfect circumstances, orchestrated by your perfect boy and his perfect-adjacent friends, who all agreed to help him with this (hopefully) perfect date. 
it starts with seonghwa picking you up from your apartment, coffee in hand. 
“you’re the man of my dreams, you know that?” you say in passing as you grab the warm to-go cup. even if you were only saying it lightly, it made seonghwa’s heart soar. you notice he hasn’t said anything to you, so you meet his eyes to find them full of stars like always, but this time there’s something scheme-y in there. he’s up to something.
“are you ready for the best date of your life?” he asks with a smile that puts the stars in his eyes to shame.
“yes, i think,” you respond, grabbing your keys and locking your door. “but i don’t know what we’re doing.”
“and it will stay that way until we get there,” seonghwa says firmly as he laces his hand into yours. you squeeze his hand and sigh.
“i guess i just have to trust you then.”
“but that won’t be hard right?”
“wait, didn’t you say something earlier about going to that art exhibit? is that it?” you question, even though you know he won’t budge. seonghwa just shakes his head no and punches the button for the elevator. a moment of silence passes before you guess again. “a movie? you rented out a movie theater, like you said you wanted to?”
“i tried, but it was expensive,” he admits and you have to laugh. “funds are tight right now.”
“i watched you buy a couple hundred dollars worth of legos the other day babe. maybe that’s why the date fund is lacking.”
“you’re not coming between me and my collectables, y/n,” seonghwa scolds. the elevator pings to open to the parking garage under your building, and you’re confused for a moment before he explains. “i want this to be a nice date, so yunho let me borrow his car. it would be no fun if we show up all sweaty because we were walking.”
yunho’s car, which is actually pretty nice thanks to all the tips he gets from flirting with clientele, is parked by the elevator. seonghwa leads you to your door and opens it for you, revealing a basket of flowers and candies in the seat. you coo as you pick it up, and seonghwa looks on proudly. you lean over to give him a kiss, and you whisper your thanks as you pull away.
“that was mingi’s idea,” seonghwa tells you, smiling brightly “i got all your favorites.”
“i see that.”
“but look around the flowers,” he guides you. “there’s something else.”
you hold the basket up to eye level, noticing the silver sparkle around the stems of the flowers. is it glitter? you tug at a flower and realize it’s a chain, and attached is a hand drawn star charm to match the tattoo on the back of seonghwa’s neck. 
“seonghwa, this is beautiful,” you say breathlessly. “we’re gonna match! that’s so cute. who’s idea was this?”
“would you believe me if i said it was mine?”
“no.”
“that’s what jongho said too,” seonghwa laughs. “it was his idea.”
“tell him thank you,” you say as you play with the charm. “mingi and yunho too. it’s a good date so far.”
“oh baby, it hasn’t officially started yet.”
-
in the car, seonghwa plays a mix of songs that he really likes, and he’s mixed in some of your favorites too. he has to keep convincing you that the songs aren’t clues, because you ask every time a new song plays.
“so are the songs just distractions?” you ask, finally giving up on getting any information out of him. 
“why do you ask that?” he smirks as he turns down a familiar road.
“because i can tell you just took the long way to the record store,” you explain. “are you stalling?”
“me, what? why?” his response does nothing to manage your suspicions, and suddenly you remember how your friends have helped with the date so far. are they all in on this? you need answers.
“seonghwa, i swear to god, if san or wooyoung jumps out to surprise me wherever we’re going-”
“that won’t happen,” seonghwa laughs while he parks the car. “we’re here anyway, and i promise this is the last surprise of the night.”
“the record store?” you question, looking up at the shop you’ve been to countless times to shop and to bother hongjoong while he works. 
“yeah, you said there was a new album out you wanted to get, right?”
“yeah,” you blush. “but i just said that in passing, i didn’t expect you to remember.”
“y/n, i want to know everything about you,” seonghwa says seriously. “so of course i remembered. wait, don’t get out yet. i’ll open the door for you.”
as seonghwa helps you out of the car, you quiz him on the other things you’ve said around him that you didn’t think he remembered. sadly, he does remember you saying your favorite disney movie is ratatouille and you’ve always wanted to try the mushroom/cheese concoction remy makes in the first scene.
“that’s a little embarrassing,” you sigh as you reach for the door. you’re going to complain some more about how seonghwa doesn’t need to remember everything about you, but the sight in front of you makes you stop mid-breath.
the record store has been decorated from floor to ceiling in fairy lights, and there’s more flowers all over the place. as you look around, you notice the flowers are tucked in the shelves next to your favorite artists. next to the door is the album you were talking about, and a little further down you see your favorite album of all time with a few extra flowers next to it. you’re still taking everything in when you notice hongjoong behind the counter.
“did you help him with this?” you ask breathlessly, and hongjoong nods. 
“yeah, but the flowers next to the albums was my idea,” hongjoong explains. “we’re running a new special called “y’n’s favorites” so everything that’s marked with a flower is yours, if you want it. everything is on the house.” 
“i...i don’t know what to say,” you start. you turn to seonghwa and there are those starry eyes that you love to see. you reach out to cup his face and smile. “thank you. this is...perfect.”
“it’s even more perfect now that i’m here!” wooyoung shouts from the front door of the shop, followed by san and yeosang. you look at seonghwa and all he does is laugh.
“what? at least he didn’t jump out and scare you,” seonghwa teases.
“oh, i would never,” wooyoung nods with a half-serious look on his face. “but i definitely wouldn’t do that when i have your dinner in my hands, i can’t let all this hard work spill.”
“especially not on my clean floor,” hongjoong warns. 
“you made dinner for us?” you ask wooyoung, but you’re looking at seonghwa, who simply shrugs.
“yep, i made one of your favorites and then threw in a couple recipes i thought you’d both like,” wooyoung says as he and the two other boys place food down on the counter by the register.
“and what did you two help with?” you ask san and yeosang.
“who do you think made this place so beautiful?” yeosang asks incredulously.
“yeosang did the lights and i bought all the flowers,” san explains with a smile that makes his eyes turn into happy half moons. “you’d be surprised how many places i had to go to get all your favorites.”
“i really don’t know what to say,” you whisper in disbelief. “i can’t believe you all did this for me.”
“it was all seonghwa’s idea,” san tells you. “we did it for both of you.”
“yeah, we’re just his little minions,” yeosang jokes, and wooyoung giggles. 
“you tell me how that food tastes, got it?” he asks as he backs out of the store. “don’t say anything mean though. i only accept compliments.”
“wooyoung,” seonghwa smiles tightly. “please leave.”
wooyoung holds the door open for san and yeosang as he gives seonghwa a thumbs up. san waves goodbye sweetly and yeosang gives you a knowing smile before the door closes behind them.
“well, i think that’s my cue to go,” hongjoong says, handing the keys to seonghwa. “don’t make a mess. if i get fired, i’m selling all the stuff i stole from you when you were sneaking around with y/n and not telling us about it.”
“i’ll keep him under control,” you assure hongjoong, who nods as heads to the door. you don’t see him leave because seonghwa has stepped in front of you, and he places his hands on your waist to pull you closer.
“so,” he begins.
“so.”
“what do you want to listen to while we eat?” he asks, pulling you by the waist over to a row of records. you stand there quietly, looking over the albums hongjoong pulled to the front for you, and you just can’t believe how much work went into this date. you can’t believe how sweet it is that each of your friends helped, and you put your hand on seonghwa’s and give it a squeeze.
“hwa,” you whisper. he hums in response, but you place your hand on his cheek and guide his gaze to yours.
“thank you,” you tell him. “thank you for this.”
he smiles at you with a look in his eyes that can’t be anything else but love, and you smile back with that much love, if not more, in your own face. you use the hand on seonghwa’s chin to guide his lips to yours, and you lose yourself in the kiss, in seonghwa, for who knows how long.
“mm, y/n,” he mumbles against your lips before detaching. “the food will get cold.”
“you’re right,” you sigh. “but we didn’t pick any music.”
“how about this?” he asks, pulling an album out from the top shelf. you smile at the cover, knowing exactly what song seonghwa wants you to hear. 
“perfect,” you agree. “i’ll put it on while you get the food?”
and that’s how you end up eating the perfect meal, on your perfect date, with all of your favorite things around you, sitting right next to your perfect boy.
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yeongwonie · 2 years
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YEONA HI !! hru doing bff? i hope you’re doing well 💗💗 can’t believe it’s been such a long time since i’ve sent you an ask 😭 i’ve been meaning to send you one for a while ☹️ … i haven’t been up to much recently, i’ve just been feeling pretty tired from studying & i also just realized that i have to go back to school in less than a month 😥😥,, what have you been up to? i hope your research and the paper are also going well !! i’m wishing you the best of luck & i hope your enjoying yourself in the new environment (you mentioned you’re in a diff city, right?) ,, also omg this is so random but i had a question abt your bio (btw the header is so so cute 🫶🫶🫶) !! is it like a song lyric or just a phrase? bc there’s a lot of songs ik with similar lyrics, so i was just wondering (why does this feel like a dumb question 😭😭) help bc i saw your bio and now i have a song (round and round - cannons) with the same lyrics stuck in my head, but i also know that it’s a very common lyric/phrase … sorry i think i’m rambling 🤧 anyways i hope you have the best day/night & ilysm bff <333 make sure to take care of yourself and stay hydrated!!
FAE LOML helloooo !! i'm doing well and don't feel bad about it no worries!! i'm super bad at sending other people asks since i always just overthink and then don't send it so i'm v happy anytime i get an ask from u no matter when or how far apart they are! my research.... i'm ignoring all of my assignments atm but later i'll prob get my reading finished and do some laundry,, but overall it's been a p relaxing day ^^ being in a new area isn't too bad (aside from the fact that 99% of the food here Sucks) and today we went to the nearby shopping thingy and i got some cute jewelry hehe 😋 the song in my bio yes!! it's from round and around by jo yuri which i've been looping nonstop lately (along w rv's in my dreams) and i feel so robbed because it's only like a minute long 😭😭 i hope u have the best day too and that studying goes well for u! remember to take breaks <33 and o god i have to go back to school too 😞 this month has basically been one month of school so idk how i'm gonna manage LMFAO but we will figure it out...!
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ringneckedpheasant · 3 years
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i could do any number of things tonight but i’m tempted to just load up an old save of origins to redo some of the romance scenes with alistair..... i’ve been thinking abt him and rhys nonstop today
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creepy-bi-day · 4 years
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had a pretty rough day today man. i was ticcing nonstop in the store bc i had a spider scare (if wr call tonihht ill tell you all abt it) and then i saw my exs brother and damn. it was bad lol. but i got snacks out of it. sea salt ice cream is superior. i love you how's your day been?
Sea salt ice cream makes me think of Roxas and Axel from KH 358/2–
I’ve been writing most of the day so kinda bomb tbh.
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jzixuans · 4 years
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mayhaps,,,, tomorrow,,, i will try drawing some tog,,
good happy things:
i’m still thinking about gabi
also this orpheus and eurydice!joe x nicky fic
had lots of fun last night w my friend
spent a good long while deep diving the backrooms tag on tumblr last night too
many jokes abt them were made
i think this year’s been a good birthday year i’ve spent a lot of time w my friends celebrating how i wanted to which is super nice
watched they call me jeeg (if only to have something to space out my tog rewatches) and like the movie overall was kind of meh but luca was one hell of a vibe
powerpoint party today!!! all of our topics were Very Niche which i super love for us
maybe i should’ve done mine on tog instead of the parallel universe theorem
okay thinking about The Hugs in marrakesh,,,,, god,,,,,
i know i talk about this literally every day nonstop but nicky and the baklava bet is an instant shot of serotonin every time i think about it
yes i Did rewatch motoe last night just to fixate on marwan kenzari thanks for asking 😌
also i ordered the You Will Not Clock This Crab t-shirt from the mcelroy merch store and i’m so excited to get it
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supernovaspidey · 5 years
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I feel safer in your arms
               Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader
               Summary: You have been MIA for over a week, and Peter and Ned are trying to figure out what they did that could possibly make you ignore them for so long. It took one party at Flash’s place and an inconvenient Brad Davis to make you finally go off.
               Author’s note: hey, guys. It took a lot for me to post this, the main plot is based on a personal experience I’ve been through, and I decided to write about it as a way of dealing with the shitty situation. I tried to make the emotions as realistic as possible, in order to express my feelings, but I’m not exactly a great writer and English is not my mother language, so please be patient with me if I’ve made some mistakes throughout the story. Make sure to tell me what you thought about the story, it would make me really happy. Also, if any of you have been through a similar experience and want to talk, hit me up, I’m sure we can help each other, I certainly do need some help lmao
               Dedicated to: my favorite blogs! @infamous-webhead @justauthoring @userspidey @imnotobsessedwithhim @tomhreads @peterjonesparker @soulspideys@spideyxchelle (I know some of you might be weirded out because I have never interacted with you but i am in love with your blogs, i’m  just rly shy, anyways hope you enjoy xo) and @lousimusician (U R THE BEST OMG as I said in your ask previously I am in love with your blog and your work fuckkkkkk, you are awesome and rly sweet ❤️)
               Warnings: angst, mentions of harassment, slight PTSD, slight swearing, fluff (I SWEAR!!!), Peter Parker being the clueless human being on Earth, but also the cutest, protective!Peter, Ned is just a sweetheart I love him
               Word count: 2961
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               - Dude, what’s going on? Did you two have a fight or something? Because if you did, I swear to God I’ll…
               - Ned! Stop freaking out on me, man. You are making me worse than I already am. And no, we didn’t have a fight or anything like that. I honestly don’t know what’s going on. – Peter was clearly hurt and worried.
               - Sorry, it’s just that… it’s been a week. I miss her. I wonder what you did wrong this time. – Ned looked really judgmental and Peter wasn’t having it.
               - What is that supposed to mean?
               - Come on, dude. You may be her best friend but she clearly has a thing for you and every time she gets somewhat flirty, your oblivious self, despite being completely obsessed with her as well, always screw things up and she gets mad, so… what did you do this time?
               - She doesn’t… have a thing for me. – Peter’s cheeks started getting red with the suggestion.
               - Whatever helps you sleep at night. And that’s not the point! What. Did. You. Do?
               - Nothing, I swear! One night we were fine texting each other and then… She just isolated everyone. She’s been ignoring me since then but I promise I didn’t do anything wrong, I even checked our conversation. Here! – Peter grabbed his phone so fast it almost fell, unblocked it, and clicked on your contact, he didn’t think it was right to show Ned your conversation but the need to prove his innocence was stronger.
               (y/n): “wassup, arachnid?”
               (Peter): “(y/n) could u pls come up with a better nickname? That one’s awful :(“
               (y/n): “i’m working on it, but until I find the perfect one u’ll just have to get used to this mediocre-quality one lol”
               You guys kept talking about nonsenses until you told him you needed to go.
               (y/n): “gotta go, family gathering at gram’s. try not to cry because u miss me so much, I’ll be back I promise :p”
               (Peter): “well I’ll try but idk if I will be able to go through the next couple of hours without you annoying the life out of me. It’ll be so hard :(“
               (y/n): “damn ur heartless. Anyways bye, arachnid xo”
               (Peter): “S T O P”
               (Peter): “are you still at your grandma’s place? It’s like 2 a.m.”
               (Peter): “(y/n)???”
               (Peter): “if ur mad about me calling u annoying i’m sorryyy”
               (Peter): “:(“
               (Peter): “you weren’t at class today. everything okay? just checking, I’m worried abt u”
               (Peter): “u missed a Chem assignment today, I’m paired up with you, it’s nothing out of this world but we need to talk abt it”
               (Peter): “hey… listen u’ve been MIA for almost a week, now idk what’s going on but you can talk to me, let me help”
               (Peter): “Ned and I went over to your place to talk to you but your mom didn’t let us in. pls tell me what’s going on”
               - Damn, Peter…
               - What? – He was certain he didn’t do anything wrong but after showing Ned the texts he got a little insecure. After all, he never realized when he was messing things up, he just got super nervous and started rambling nonstop until shit hit the fan.
               - You guys are so flirty, it’s so disgusting, just ask her out already, geez.
               - Ned!
               - Okay okay, well, I admit, I didn’t see anything wrong, except for you clearly trying to flirt with her and being a total failure.
               - Shut up.
               They were sitting at their usual table in the cafeteria, theorizing about what made you go off on them. Both of them were uneasy, you were their best friend and they liked you too much to just let you push them away like this. Peter was particularly off, at the same time he was dying of worries, he was pissed at you. After all the mad shit you’ve been through together, he’d think you cared about him enough not to just ignore his complete existence out of nowhere. To be honest he was hurt about the fact that you didn’t like him as much as he liked you.
               - Yo, assholes. – Flash just jumped up at your table. – I’m trying to do some community service, so as my first act of kindness I will allow you to go to my party tomorrow. My place at 10. Don’t be weird or I’ll change my mind and kick you out of there.  Make sure (y/n) is there, she’s a sight I’d like to see at my place. See ya, losers.
               As fast as Flash got to their table, he went away, not giving the boys an opportunity to answer. Peter closed his fists so hard at the mention of your name that his knuckles turned white. Ned simply rolled his eyes and told Peter to forget about it.
               Peter took his cellphone again and opened your chat. It had been one day since he last texted you and tried to go to your place, so he was thinking whether he should tell you about the party or not. A part of him was angry and didn’t want to text you because of the shit you’ve been making him go through, but the other part was hopeful you’d show up at Flash’s and finally give him an opportunity to talk to you. He decided he missed you too much and would take any chance he could to see you. So he sent you the text.
               (Peter): “hey, Flash is throwing a party tomorrow night and he invited us. yes. all of us. anyway, it’ll be at 10. hope you show up.”
               There. Plain and simple. A loud sigh left Peter’s mouth as he hit his head on the table.
               - It’s okay, dude. She’ll be there. Don’t stress about it.
               (…)
               - Do you see her? – It was the fifth time Ned poked Peter and asked the same question. Peter felt like he was about to lose it.
               - No, dude. I’ve been looking directly at the door and she still hasn’t shown up.
               - She will come, Peter. Don’t worry. Hey, do you think Betty would be impressed with this hat I’m wearing?
               - Uhm, sure! Why don’t you go over to her?
               - Are you sure? You’ll be okay? I know (y/n) is always the one who makes you company… - Ned was about to start rambling but Peter was quick to stop him laughing.
               - Ned, I’m fine. Now go get your girl.
               - Yeah yeah, you should go get yours too, you know. Look who just showed up. – Ned pointed to the door.
               And there you were, with all your non-glory, and an alarm rang in Peter’s head almost instantaneously. The first thing he noticed was your clothing. You were wearing a jacket, which was not usual for you, who is always complaining about how hot it is, even if it´s freezing. The next thing he noticed was your body, you were thinner, not enough to make everyone notice, but he for sure did, and he for sure got worried right away. The last thing he noticed was your face. He always admired you for being so outgoing and confident, but now you looked scared and insecure, constantly looking to your sides, like the walls had spikes and the room was slowly getting smaller around you.
               After scanning the whole room, your eyes met Peter’s, he was beside Ned, looking straight at you, you forced a side smile and walked up to them.
               - Peter, Ned… Hi. – You looked really shy, something was definitely off.
               - Hey, (y/n)! Oh my God I missed you so much, where have you been? We thought you were mad at us. – Ned was as agitated as he was when he talked about Betty. You couldn’t help but smile at how excited your best friend was to see you.
               - I… I was sick, really sick. You know how it is… - You looked at Peter, but he had his eyes fixed on the floor, looking upset.
               - Of course you were. – He sighed and you felt the sarcasm in his voice.
               - Excuse me?
               - I’m not buying that, (y/n). If you really were sick you would tell us, you know, your best friends.
               - Yo, don’t put me into this mess, I’m going to talk to Betty now. But (y/n), I’ll talk to you later, okay? So happy to see you again! – Ned was quick to flee the situation, leaving you and Peter alone. You grabbed his hand and took him to the pool area, where there were less people.
               - Start talking, Parker.
               - What?
               - You were pretty quick to shoot me a snarky comment inside, so I guess you have a lot to say, right? Start talking.
               - I… I don’t have…
               - Peter, talk!
               - Why… Why would you ignore me for over a week? You were so sick you couldn’t grab your phone? And if you really were sick, why didn’t your mom tell us right away? I was so upset with you I wasn’t even going to tell you about the party, but I missed you and was worried about you and wanted to see you, and you lie to my face?
               - I shouldn’t have ignored you, I know. I’m sorry. I really am. But you want to talk about lying? What about all the times you lied right to my face for almost a year, huh? The Stark Internship, the Washington shit, me being stood up by you countless times, what about that? You didn’t tell me about the spider shit, I figured it out by myself. And it’s okay if you didn’t want to tell me, that’s your business, but don’t point your finger at me talking about fucking honesty. – Peter’s face was sad and angry at the same time as you threw the words at him.
               - You know, I only came to this shitty party to see you. – You stared right into his eyes. – I missed you and wanted to have a good time with you, but I guess that’s not going to happen so leave me alone. – At the moment Peter saw tears wanting to leave your eyes, he knew something was wrong, and that he had messed up. Big time.
               - (y/n), wait! – He tried to hold you but you sprinted back inside the house, leaving him with his thoughts.
               You were grabbing a snack at the kitchen, when you felt someone breathing down your neck. You froze instantly, trying to push away the memories. You turned and in front of you was Brad Davis. He was a good guy, but he was drunk and an alarm rang in your head.
               - What the fuck? Back off, Brad.
               - Hey, (y/n)! Long time no see, wanna dance? – He placed his hands on your shoulder, and the memories came flooding you as you tried pushing them away.
               - No.
               - Come here, I missed you. – He then pulled you in for a hug. At the moment you felt his hands on your back and waist, and smelled the alcohol exhaling from his mouth, you just couldn’t fight the memories any longer. It was like you were back your grandma’s house all over again, you started to shiver, your heart felt like it was going to go out of your chest and your vision turned black.
               - Get off of me! – You couldn’t stop yourself. You shoved him away aggressively, and punched him right in his face. It was like you were stuck in your own body, not being able to control it.
               You realized what you did when he hit the floor, nose bleeding.
               - I’m… I’m so sorry… I… - The music had stopped, you looked up and everyone was looking at you. Then you saw him. Peter. You immediately ran away and grabbed a cab down the street, ignoring Peter’s screams calling you and asking you to wait.
               By the time you got home, you were crying uncontrollably. You laid in bed and let everything sink in. You knew going to the party was a mistake but you did it anyway. Fucking stupid little girl.
               - (y/n), let me in. – You looked at your window and saw Peter with his suit on, how could he have changed clothes so fast?
               You went over and opened the window. He got in, you turned around as he changed clothes once more. You turned around again when he was done and sat on the bed. He sat beside you.
               - So, I’m an idiot. I know. – He looked at you with puppy hazel eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh a bit. – (y/n)… what happened? Please, I beg you to talk to me.
               So, you started talking immediately. The more you talked, the more you cried. You talked about how when at your grandma’s, while the whole family was going to take a picture, your old drunk cousin grabbed you by the arm to be closer to him, and started walking down your body with his hand, making you freeze with terror. You talked about how you felt like you couldn’t move or scream, about how hard he was squeezing your arm, leaving a bruise after. You talked about how you felt used, dirty, and weak, about how you should have done something, anything, but instead you stayed there like a scared little girl. You talked about how you were afraid of people touching you now, and how afraid you were of hurting people, and how that’s exactly what happened. You hurt someone, Brad. And finally, you talked about how you were feeling like your worst version of yourself, and didn’t want anyone to see that, especially Peter.
               He listened to everything quietly, and only after you finished talking was when he realized he wasn’t breathing and that you had grabbed his hand at some point. He didn’t know what to say, all he felt was hatred, so he started crying.
               - I’m so sorry, I made this whole thing about me when you were hurting so much. – You squeezed his hand when you heard he say that.
               - Listen, it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have ignored you, I just didn’t want you to see the mess I am right now.
               - You are not a mess. It’s not your fault this happened to you. You are the strongest person that I’ve ever known, you are the utter best version of yourself and that’s one of the many reasons why I really like you and… - He suddenly stopped when he realized what he said.
               Shit.
               - You know… as a friend… my best friend! You are my best friend and I like you as my best friend and… - He stopped on his tracks when he felt you hugging him, he didn’t know what to do so he slowly and gently put his arms around you, making sure you were comfortable.
               (…)
                 After that night, things didn’t get better, but they got less worse. Peter and Ned were the only people you were comfortable with, and Peter was the only one you were physically comfortable with. You didn’t think it was possible to be closer than you were before, but it happened. Peter was super protective of you, and he didn’t even noticed. He would always hold your hand when you were walking, and would always make sure you felt safe. Every time he noticed you being anxious, he would grab your hand and caress it with his thumb, or he would play with your hair and whisper “it’s okay, I’m here with you. You are okay” into your ear. He made you feel safe, and he also made you feel weird things, mushy and warm things. He looked at you differently, you knew it, and it always made you feel like your stomach was upside down, but in a great way.
               One day, you, Peter and Ned were at the cafeteria talking, you and Peter were holding hands when you felt hands on your shoulders. You stopped moving right away
               - (y/n), nice work on that assignment! – Your Chemistry teacher said and left without letting you respond.
               Peter and Ned looked at you, clear worriedness stamped on their faces. You started to breathe heavily, your heartbeat started racing, you started shaking and your eyes got wet. Peter quickly grabbed your hand and took you away.
               He took you to the janitor’s closet, the closest thing to the cafeteria. It was so small you were pressed against each other, but Peter didn’t care about that. All he cared about was you. When he closed the door, you started sobbing.
               - Hey, hey it’s okay, I’m here. You are okay. No one’s going to hurt you, okay? I promise. – He hold you tight in his arms.
               - I… I feel dirty.
               - Here – he stood in front of you, took off his sweater, staying only with his nerdy shirt, and swept it over your shoulders. – I’m cleaning them, see? They’re clean. You’re not dirty, you are perfect.
               He wiped your tears away and started caressing your cheek, cupping your face with his hands.
               - I’m here and I’ll always be here. You are okay.
               - I’m… I’m okay.
               - See? Everything’s going to be okay. – He hugged you once more.
               - Peter? – You called against his chest.
               - Huh? – He didn’t let you go.
               - Thank you. I… I really like you too. You know, as my best friend… - You felt his heart racing. – You know what I mean.
               He let you out of his arms to look at you. He knew what you meant, he remembered the day he almost confessed his feelings, but he thought you wouldn’t have realized.
               He kept his hazel eyes glued at yours, and you could swear he was seeing through your soul at that moment. He smiled, his face lit up. You smiled. You don’t know how long you guys stayed there, but it felt like eternity and it wasn’t enough.
150 notes · View notes
coffinlid · 6 years
Text
Went on a date with a girl yesterday and it went so well omg I like her so much SHES SO CUTE AND SWEET FUCK and I’ve been thinking abt her smile nonstop today
#tt
9 notes · View notes
blesspastacraig · 6 years
Text
Babe (SP Drabble Bomb Day 5 - Letter)
Remember, fear is in no way truthful.
Tweek and Craig's relationship through post-it notes and texts.
ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14765684/chapters/34252124
Babe,
Can you get milk today.
Love you, Craig.
I’m in bed. No milk.
-T
Babe,
I hope your day is better today.
Try to get out of bed if you can.
Love you, Craig.
Couldn’t.
-T
Babe,
You are strong and you will get through this.
Love, Craig.
I love you.
-T
///
Tweek
Come home. I need u.
Craig
I’ll ask my boss babe.
Tweek
Hurry
Craig
Ok honey, I’m leaving now.
Tweek
I think I need to go to the hospital again.
I failed.
Craig
You didn’t fail anything.
I’m coming home now.
I love you babe.
///
Babe,
I miss you.
Love, Craig.
My babe,
I’m going to keep this here until you come home.
So you’ll know how much you’re loved and missed.
Love, Craig.
Hey babe,
Thinking of you today.
Love, Craig.
Babe,
You’re my favourite person.
I can’t wait for you to get home and we’ll try that Indian place.
Love, Craig.
Babe,
Please come home soon.
I’m missing you.
Love, Craig.
Tweek,
It’s late and I’m drunk.
I need you.
-Craig
Babe,
You’re so strong, it blows me away.
You’ve improved so much.
Love, Craig.
Babe,
I’ve missed your smile.
It was nice seeing it again today.
Love, Craig.
Babe,
I can’t wait to see you today.
You’ll finally be home with me, where you belong.
Love, Craig.
I love u so much but I don’t deserve u
-T
Babe,
You deserve everything.
Love, Craig.
///
Tweek
I’m really sorry that ur working double shifts bc I can’t hold a damn job.
Craig
Your job is to get better :)
Tweek
That doesn’t seem fair.
Craig
Rest, let the meds work.
I’ve got this covered.
Tweek
I’ll try nd get the house clean 2day
Craig
It’s fine. It’s my mess anyway.
T
Tweek
Ok i’ll cook then
Craig
Only if you wanna. I know you like to cook.
Tweek
I’ll cook since Im not payin rent
Craig
We live together, you don’t pay rent.
What’s mine is yours etc.
Tweek
I’ll pay u in love?
Craig
Love is a currency I can accept.
///
Craig,
Gone 4 a walk 2 pickup my meds.
B back soon.
Ily -T
Babe,
Look at you!
Love, Craig.
Craig,
Its not a big deal stop bein dumb
-T
Babe,
It’s a huge deal!
Let’s get pizza when I get home.
Love, Craig.
Craig,
I need to get up earlier so we can actually speak 2 each other instead of playin sticky note tag.
-T
Babe,
Get up whenever you want.
I kinda like it. It’s sweet.
Wait up for me?
Love, Craig.
Craig,
I’ll b out when u get home.
When I get back lets go 2 the Indian place u wanted 2 try.
-T
Babe,
Goddamn, I love you.
Love, Craig.
///
Craig
You have therapy today?
Tweek
Yep. I’m goin 2 bribe myself with ice cream or something.
Craig
Good, stay out if you can.
It’s nice to see you going places by yourself.
Tweek
Sometimes I watch the birds.
Craig
Take some pics for me.
I love you.
Tweek
Ok.
Can I ask u something?
Craig
Course babe.
Tweek
Can we get another guinea pig?
I feel better when animals r around.
Craig
We can definitely do that.
Tweek
I can pretend Im a stay @ home mom.
Craig
Furbabies count. I say so.
Tweek
Okay love :)
Craig
I gotta go back to work, see you tonight.
Love you lots.
Tweek
Ilysm.
///
Craig,
Im goin job hunting 2day so might not be home when u finish.
-T
Babe,
Only if you feel ready.
Don’t push yourself too hard.
Love, Craig.
Craig,
I want to try.
-T
Babe,
Good luck today!
Don’t forget to take your meds!
Love, Craig.
///
Tweek
I called in sick 4 u b4 I left
Craig
I didn’t see this until now.
Sorry. Thank you.
Tweek
U wanna talk abt it?
Craig
Idk, I might be going down again.
Amazing timing.
Tweek
Im not surprised you have been working nonstop.
Prob burnout. I’ll call dr.
Craig
Thank you, sorry for doing this to you.
Tweek
U haven’t done anything 2 me.
I am ok thanks 2 u.
I love u.
Craig
We are hot messes.
Tweek
We r doin ok 4 2 hot messes.
Craig
Maybe we should get that Guinea Pig soon.
Tweek
We can get 1 asap.
I hope u feel better soon my love.
Craig
Thank you.
I’m going to sleep for a bit.
Tweek
Sleep well <3
///
Babe, Guinea Pig name suggestions?
Poppy?
Love, Craig.
Blaze?
-T
Babe,
How about Luna?
Love, Craig.
Craig
I like Luna. Maybe Cinnamon?
-T
Babe,
I’ve got it! Sunshine!
Love, Craig
Craig
Absolutely not!
Happy?
-T
Babe,
Nah, Oreo?
Love, Craig
Craig,
No. If we’re goin with food how abt Peanut?
-T
Tweek,
That’s so basic.
Sonny?
Love, Craig
Craig,
2 much like Sunny/Sunshine.
Charlie?
-T
Babe,
You’d think we were naming our first child!
Mocha?
Love, Craig
Craig,
No way. Nothing coffee related.
Also no human babies.
Maybe just Baby?
-T
Babe,
Only furbabies for sure.
What about Babe, seeing as I call you that so often?
Love, Craig
My love,
I think I like that 1 the best.
Love Tweek.
21 notes · View notes
notui · 3 years
Text
i’m currently at work, i just got here a lil early. i’m sitting on the couch rn thinking abt the BET soultrain awards but my clients watching tv so i’ll have to wait.
as i’m waiting i’m thinking of what to order to eat for tonight, im thinking carl’s jr. but they’ll probably be closed so i’ll have to settle for mcdonald’s again. lol
today’s song is one i’ve been singing nonstop.
0 notes
spelviin · 3 years
Text
rly sorry im just a mess tonight bc of work stuff and i cant talk to my therapist abt it till tomorrow evening so i just gotta spew my thoughts here sry
ok so like last week my manager emails me and is like “so basically we got permission to open a new position that’s like a step above your current one and i think you’d be a good fit for it” and i was like cool it’s rly nice that she’s thinking of me for this and it’d be great to get a pay rise but at the same time since it’s a brand new position i have no idea what the job actually entails duty-wise but my manager in her email suggested that we meet and informally chat about it so i was like ok cool but shit kept coming up all last week so we didnt have a chance to actually sit down and talk abt it until today
and so basically we talked and i STILL have no clue what the specifics would be of what i would be doing but it sounds like a lot less of the stuff i actually enjoy doing in my current job and a LOT more of the stuff i fucking HATE. like basically it would be nonstop social interaction with no protected time, and bc it’s a brand new position with no clearly defined responsibilities i feel like it would just be picking up the most taxing/difficult work other people don’t want to do with absolutely no protected time to recharge or anything and it might just be me catastrophizing but i really feel like i might hate it and be stuck with it PLUS i dont even know how much i’d be making bc my manager said she’d have to ask HR abt that and so i dont even know if it would even be that much more than i currently make for a job with less of the stuff i like
but i already told her i’d be interested in applying and she seems to really want me for this job and if i decide i dont want to do it idk how to tell her bc i dont want to disappoint her after she basically all but handed me essentially a promotion and i dont want her to pass me over next time an opportunity arises if i turn down this one and i’ve basically been a sobbing wreck all night thinking about it and also feeling like the world’s biggest asshole for being like “boo hoo my boss wants to give me a promotion poor meeeee” but im just fucking terrified and idk what to do
#og
0 notes
Text
Episode 3- “Y'all wanted magic within and we delivered- case closed”-Autumn
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Another super fun challenge! I want to shout out to the hosts for just doing a great job so far. This is making this quarantine just a little less terrible. So happy we have immunity and getting our first reward is so exciting! I’ve been trying my best to connect with members outside of my tribe in the great hall chat and get close with my tribe mates. For the most part I really trust all of them. And that’s horribly scary. I really love being on hufflepuff. But I have a feeling a swap is gonna happen. Kevin told me he thinks it’s going to be 2 tribes of 8. We will see. GL to slytherin and ravenclaw! 
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HOES MAD 
https://giphy.com/gifs/lifeminute-birthday-rihanna-3fihINg62RNynS9cbY 
I'm so dead and drained rn but I look forward to reading this round and seeing how heated people are over this. And this will definitely follow me the entire game but you know what I'm glad. Don't let the 16 month hiatus fool you: when I show up I show out. Everything is mind over matter in a way and y'all caught me on a good day so I was just like fuck it I'll do this all day if I have to. So I walked into that challenge at 11:30 am and deadass my phone never left my side... for 9 1/2 hours. Also y'all know I'm at my best when I'm an underdog? So of course I went all out, please tell me you didn't expect anything less. And can I just say Gryffindor legitimately and collectively earned that because everyone participated and put points up. So yes I am that girl but I do it for the squad because I know they'll do it for me. BIG ups though to Vi and Jess- I don't care what their alliances were before today they better have each other's backs and I'll riot if they don't both survive. Literally do the right thing and send a man home. And the same goes for Ravenclaw! I wanna know what's going on over there and I'm not picky but send a man or inactive home if you can. Let it be known that I literally came into this game to raise hell for Dan and Owen lmaaaaooo. I mean I don't want them to go (yet) because that's not what good frenemies do and where's the fun in that. We make each other's arcs better and if we're cast, there will be a fight to the death sooner or later. But until then! Yes I am absolutely living for them sweating it out for a full round. Can y'all believe it? They finally lost at something God is so good. Would've loved to make Hufflepuff sweat too but hey. There's always next round
https://thumbs.gfycat.com/UnsungOblongBlesbok-max-1mb.gif
14 minutes later
Also I just wanna say that 6:00 hour was chef's kiss. In my entire org career, I have never been on a tribe that pulled off a shutout like that and that was ICONIC. Hoes mad but did your entire tribe come together and get a streak of points nonstop for upwards of an hour?? No ma'am you did not. I kept us alive all day but that hour was THE hour that took Gryffindor from 4th to 2nd and that's how you win immunity. Y'all wanted magic within and we delivered- case closed
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I don't trust Nick at all. I know in the back of his mind he's thinking i'm gonna play like our previous game which I wasn't exactly loyal to him because I was loyal to some bitch ass alliance that ended up... ANYWAYS. So he seems like the type of player to keep that into consideration because he happened recently and he's sort of a newer player. So I have to be mindful of this all and as much as i'm STRESSING the fact that obviously there were external factors in that game.. that won't impact this game kind of a deal. I know this all could just be my paranoid little brain and thinking that he's out to get me when he's not.. but I haven't played any back to back games in FOREVER and when something THAT FRESH happens.. it's hard for me to not have the after thought of: Wow Nick must think i'm an loyal person who won't tell him my real thoughts. 
 But Nick gonna be a scary player down the line. He's already in my pm's bragging about how him, Landen, and I think his name is Matt? idk one of the "Weebz" (still don't know what that means) and how he will have those potential relationships moving forward.. I just... don't.... understand..... him. ANYWAYS
 The thing is... I think? I can trust Jacob fully. I think this vote SHOULD BE EASY.. but I can't help but feel really fucking bad. Like terrible. Like extremely heart broken about voting out VI. She's put her all into everything and honestly I would be so mad if i've given my all and these two dweebz didn't even show up to the comp. I know she's gonna be upset and I hate knowing that. So i'm TRYING to take emotions out of this decision and make this all strategical and within the game environment because if I was voting with my HEART i'd keep her. BUT then I have that voice in the back of my head that is saying "But if you save Vi.... she'll be loyal to you!" BUT ALSO... I know from HOSTING VI... is that Vi is only loyal to... the fun she has. If she gets bored she fucks around. She's a crackhead. But I obviously can't VOICE THIS TO ANYONE because they could flip this and reverse this on ME. 
I'm scared that if I cast any form of doubt about the vote to Jacob he will relay the message to Nick and well I become more threatening than Vi at this point because I pointed the gun at him... SO I was fucking around with the idea of... using my idol on myself, causing a 2 to 2 tie.. and well.. unless Jacob wants to go to rocks by himself... and basically get voted out.. Mr. Nick goes. But it's LITERALLY FINAL 18............ If this was final 11, sure i'd do this in a heart beat... but this is such a bad bitch move i'm scared people will see I got something on my resumé already. They'll see I went against an alliance for VI. It's just so risky.. but I told myself i'd have FUN in this game.. I just don't want to make a move purely on a past game or purely on emotion. I want to be making moves that move me forward in the game..
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I LOVE JOANNA!!! THIS IS A JOANNA APPRECIATION POST!!!!!! and dan has the idol. 
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Unsurprisingly, we lost the challenge. I worked my lil booty off as best as I could (I did give up but that is beside the point at this current moment) and I have been friendly, fricking nice as all hell, and then Miguel wants to vote me out. And honey... I think that sealed your fate. I am working on being a little more ruthless I guess because I really want to win this game, so if you come for me, you bet I'm coming for you. I've always made jury and I don't think that this is the season I'm getting stuck with pre-jury. Miguel is the only relationship I don't feel confident in so... bye sis. 
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The immunity challenge was a hard-fought battle, but we managed to pull out a win near the end. It was the most stressful time of my life. Honestly, I felt that if we lost then I would get voted out next. Thankfully, that did not happen. However, this is a huge wake up call for me to get my ass into gear and start being more social with my tribe. Otherwise, I might find myself in the bottom and that is not a position I want to be in.
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AHHHH so my tribe won immunity and reward and things are great!  Someone mentioned yesterday (Kevin?? Maybe) that this means we are the last tribe to have to see tribal council and that is a GREAT THING!  I really wonder who is going to go home- I just hope it isn't Owen.  I also really hope he still wants to work with me if we end up on a tribe together. In other news, I'm curious to see if a swap is about to happen.  With a double tribal happening tonight it seems as though it would be a big maybe! Also I'm still irritated that my glee shirt didn't count as a band tee, when everyone asks what kind of music I like the first thing I always say is 'anything by the cast of glee' xD I don't feel like I was much help in the challenge but I was there and got points for wine and sequins if that means anything. 
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doing this ON TIME.. anyways chile. WOO WE DID IT! finally not coming in last hehe. god the amount of i was just frantically running around my house.. well thank god my family didn’t question it for the most part hehe. overall this challenge was super duper fun and i’m HOPING we can continue to win some because the stress of my tribe wanting to go against me.. yea it’s there. hopefully my paranoia is just that and i have nothing to worry abt ✨
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Hey all you cool cats and kittens! It’s Dan, not Carole Baskin, but with the same crackhead energy. So Miss Miguel should be leaving tonight! It’s not anything personal at all. He’s a really sweet guy, but he’s just not around. I work mad hours a week and still make time for this stuff. Joanna is worried because she knows her name is going around so as long as she doesn’t try to pull something, everything is good. I think the chances of that happening are slim to none honestly. I feel like had I been able to compete in the comp I could have helped way more than others. I have a ton of random shit in my apartment that was asked for!!! I was a little shady toward Jacob in the Great Hall chat so lettuce pray that he doesn’t act like a petty fool if we swap together. I am kinda anticipating a swap after this tribal but we’ll see!!! 
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we won immunity and nothing has changed on my tribe for me since my last confessional woo consistency yay c:
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im sad. we have to vote out vi which is so sad. i love her shes so sweet but i have suhc a tight bond with jess and nick that like there isnt another option. but ugh someone hold my hand
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Darn, we were so close to winning, yet so far. Always remember, the unintentional matsing is just as mighty as the intentional, so 3 of us making swap or merge is much more advantageous than a unit of 4. I love my tribe, I do, and I genuinely feel I may be in danger! I trust Jess and Jacob though (JJJ: Jess, Jacob, Jay), so I’m hoping for another unanimous decision. (I will probably be asleep at tribal since I have 1 hour of sleep today)
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So out tribe basically gave everything they could in a 12 hour challenge of Hell. I tried especially hard thinking I would be voted out if we lost because no one really talks "game" with me. I know that side seasons are 'Survivor Lite' but typically people at least talk game. I know I wasnt the target from last vote because everyone assured me they want to work with me and Josh said to vote him out in the tribe chat. Apparently though Josh wanted to do a blindside and reached out to Autumn to let her know asking me if he had asked me. So honestly Autumn is the truest! The other two notnvoting me inlobe seeing but if Josh talked to them then... hm Anyway I cant play a perfect game anymore :( Also I have officially dug through all of Hagrids things and he has no idol for me. I thought he might have something in could take and use somewhere else since he is a keeper of keys. But naw.
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Guess who lost by two points!! Fricking Nicholas and Jacob leaving us for 7 hours. Then nick only showed up for the last 3ish but he didn’t even submit anything. Wth? We’re gonna try to kick him out.
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i love my tribe so much we keep having more and more fun each time :D i definitely think after max's april fools prank i'm even more inclined to want to vote him if we lose, but i'm also grateful he's not really gone because mayhaps a weeb alliance in the future is possible.... !!! i also always utilize the great hall segments to make myself known and thought about even if people also think i'm a bit annoying, idc, the main thing is they remember me and when we meet on a swap or something i am one of the first they choose to talk to! it is always an important strategy of mine, people don't realize that in big games, one of the most crucial things you can do is leave a big first impression on people on the other tribes, you have the lucky opportunity to get some spaces where you meet them in ORGs unlike in the real world - USE it to let them form an idea of you in their head and decide they like you before they even meet you, it's a weird phenomena but i've found it's one of my most consistent strategies, when i actually decide to employ it (flashback to me being so lazy in 2020 i barely even used one world.. eep) hufflepuff is cute and we WILL be continuing to make marshmallow moves, until i get to make my own independent marshmallow moves to win
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Soooo we finally lost a challenge kfjahsdj time to put this alliance to the test! The answer seemed pretty clear to me though - everyone kinda just wants to do Miguel. I feel bad, because I do think these competitions have NOT played to his strengths at all and I know he can be a great competitor. And I really wanted to get to know him again this time around. For a second, Dan and I considered saving him as a loyal number... but I just can't do that to Joanna, who has rlly busted her ass lately. So tonight it's a harder choice than it seems, but ultimately, I'm going with Miguel, and I told him that. I really wish he would've put more effort into our conversations before he was in trouble lmao. Also, DAN FOUND THE IDOL HEHEHEEH so that's great :) Glad to know he trusted me enough to tell me about it! I think he's probably going to be pretty loyal this time to me? And I feel like I have to give that same courtesy back to him. Someone will probably take one of us out eventually. I rlllly do not want to stress. If for some reason they blindside me tonight or Miguel has another idol or something, it has been fun <3
0 notes
cyjprojectarchive · 7 years
Text
blurry | bambam
prompt: inspired by bammie’s instagram selfie hot dayum could i not contain myself, so i made an imagine abt it B) here it is if ya wanna get attacked by our bamchinja. c;  group: GOT7 pairing: bambam, you genre: fluff words: 3185 note:  sorry theres so many spelling errors its currently 3:18 am and im tired as heq ill edit this tomorrow thanku ㅠㅠ
“Dude, you got this.”
“Yeah, well, what if I don’t? Our asses are on the line here,” Bambam’s worried tone reverberates from your phone’s speakers. You have it on loudspeaker mode because you were in the mood for some mint chocolate ice cream. You just got home from classes today and boy was it scorching hot outside. 
“Yes, you do. And no, they’re not. You’ve been practicing nonstop for this comeback, Bam, I think you have it all down by now,” you repeat a little louder than usual as you open the freezer and take out the pint of sweet and cooling treat. 
Setting it down on the kitchen counter, you cap the lid off and start digging in with your spoon. “And why are you so nervous? You’ve never asked me advice on how to handle stage fright ever since we knew each other,” you comment through the melting of your favorite dessert inside your mouth.
“Are you eating ice cream from the pint again?” He suddenly asks, a tone of amusement lingering in his voice. You automatically hug the thing of ice cream closer to your stomach, eyes peering at the phone resting near you. “How’d you know?”
“Just a hunch.” You can just hear him shrugging smugly.
“You wish you were here,” you retaliate, scoffing as you take another scoop. You make sure he captures the sound of you scraping the soft and gooey substance of sweetness. You know you should be encouraging him right now, but teasing the boy you’ve known for quite a while now is always a treat in its own way. 
“I do. I do wish I were there,” he agrees somewhat seriously. You’re unsure whether he was talking about having ice cream or something else, but you brush it off, not wanting to think about such complications right now. 
You put the spoon down and attempt to bring the previous conversation back. “Really, though, Bam. You’re going to do amazing, as always. Don’t worry too much about it, alright?” You tell him earnestly. If Bambam had never asked for any reassurances with you before, maybe this time he really needed it. 
A slight pause occupies the air until you hear him exhale shortly on the other end of the phone call. “You’re right, you’re right. That makes me feel so much better. Thanks, fam,” he answers with a hopeful tone. 
Shaking your head, you protest, “No problem. And don’t ever call me ‘fam’ again, fam.”
“Would you like to be called something else then, hmm?” There he goes, back to his usual zany self which you can’t help but blush about…
Did Bambam just make you blush? 
“I would like you to call me when I’m not busy enjoying my ice cream,” you tell him, going back to eating your lunch for the day. 
“You didn’t even start eating ice cream when I called you in the first place!” Bambam interjects and you soon chuckle at his predicament. You hear a few conversations bubbling up in the background, even recognizing Yugyeom’s whining to one of the hyungs, maybe Jinyoung, you’re not quite sure.
You move your position to the couch, setting down your phone on the coffee table. You hear a distinct voice referring to Bambam and he responds, but you’re too focused on your ice cream to eavesdrop. 
“I have to go in a few. What’re you going to do afterwards?” He finally addresses you. You ponder his question until you realize you’ve forgotten something really important. 
“Shoot! I have a major presentation for my History class tomorrow!” Spoon hanging in midair, you slowly place the ice cream pint next to your phone, feeling guilty of even opening it up. 
“And you haven’t started on it yet,” Bambam muses. You groan in agreement and slap your forehead lightly. “No, because I thought it was happening next week.”
“Too distracted with me, huh. I have that effect,” the boy on the other end suggests, a smirk almost evident in his voice. You laugh mockingly, but the anxiety in you keeps rising. “Guess I have something to keep me distracted while you’re performing,” you conclude, probably feeding his ego even more. 
“That’s good, then, at least it’s not another guy,” he jokes and you roll your eyes. “Whatever, snake,” you shoot back. 
“Anyway, I got to go, we’re shooting in a few,” he tells you, almost begrudgingly. “Hey, I really appreciate you answering the call.”
You smile at his genuine reply. You rarely see this side of Bambam whenever you guys are together, or even just talking on the phone. You feel a sense of warmth in your heart, and you honestly don’t know what to make out of it. But you don’t let it get to you- not yet.
“Of course. You know I’m here,” you mutter softly. 
“And me too,” he chimes. Another voice, presumably Jaebum, informs him about getting ready, so you anticipate Bambam’s good bye. “Now I really need to go. I’ll message as soon as possible.”
“For sure, Bam. Good luck! You never fail to do your best,” you add, making sure he’s still reassured. Bambam thanks you again, and the call ends.
Now, onto cramming that damned History presentation.
Adding a few finishing touches here and there, you finally have a decent 10-slide presentation for your class tomorrow morning. Stretching your arms upward, you let out a relieved sigh, yawning in the process. Making sure that the file has been saved to your laptop, Google Drive, and USB, you turn your laptop off and trudge your way into the comfort of your bed. 
The digital clock on your nightstand reads 11:24 pm and you feel quite proud for completing a procrastinated project before the day ends, roughly speaking. You ease your way into the duvet, grabbing your phone to the side for a late night session on a few of your social media accounts. 
You go to your Messages and remember Bambam’s call from earlier. You wonder whether the performance was a success- it probably was, and Bambam just had cold feet, but you already texted him two hours ago complaining about History being your worst subject ever and how lucky you are it’s your first class of the day. You type a new text, informing him of your success nonetheless and hoping he had a fun time today as well. 
Before you can hit the send button, a chat bubble appears on Bambam’s end first. Your eyes widen at the screen and your lips part in surprise. 
“What the…” You utter under your breath, hands suddenly sweating at the sight of your phone, Bambam’s selfie showing on the bright screen. You squint your eyes to confirm what you’re seeing is right. 
You hit backspace on your keyboard and type a new message with quick and shaking thumbs. 
Wrong number, headass. 
He reads it immediately and your heart skips a beat. Your eyes cannot seem to focus on anything else other than the blurry selfie of a jet black haired K-pop idol. You find yourself mesmerized at his cerulean contacts and drawn to the straight and full pink lips. Breath hitching, you mentally urge yourself to stop giving in to your thoughts. 
Undeniably, Bambam broke every puberty challenge out there, and not a day goes by without you reminding him that- much to his satisfaction. But you complimenting him was always out of good faith as good friends, nothing more and nothing less. 
However, recently, things have been a bit blurry between the two of you. It doesn’t help that his constant teasing makes you more conscious of the type of relationship you guys are slowly developing. 
And this selfie isn’t helping.
lmao what do you mean that is supposed to be sent to my best friend
You share a room with Yugyeom. Just show it to him in person lmao
not himmm, my OTHER best friend. u. anyway, like what u see? ;)
WTF are you talking about, you never send me selfies before??? 
aww is it that bad, b? :,( it’s just a lil smth to motivate u with ur presentation. hows that going for u, btw?
Again, with the weird ass nicknames, Bam lmao? And you’re just a few minutes too late bec I’ve finished, but thanks for trying.
Also, no, it actually looks really good. :)
pshhh u like itttt bb ;) oh, hey thats great. u should go 2 sleep by now.
and really? don’t play me, bb :,(
It does! Your face is blurred, so it’s perfect.
wow bye
You chuckle to yourself at the playful conversation. Typical Bambam, but you still can’t help but be confused at any underlying message of all this. Or maybe there’s not any and your mind is just running irrationally due from the emerging crash of the caffeine. Maybe that’s it.
You think of sending him a meme- of himself, might you add- until he follows a new text. 
blurred like our relationship, right
Dropping your phone to the side, you bring a pillow pushed to your face and scream into its plush surface. You feel the heat coming off of your cheeks, chest heaving in and out as well. What was that all about? Has Bambam been aware of the unusual tension you, yourself, have been feeling towards him the past couple of weeks? Why is he speaking up about it now?
that was stepping out of the line of being corny. i’m sorry lol
You notice that he was trying to play it off cool, but now that you’ve gotten a signal from him acknowledging the uncanny stage of your relationship right now, you wanted to go all out. With Bambam, you need to know whether he’s serious about this or not. 
You retreat the pilow away from your face, flustered at the suddent flight response you just pulled off. You certainly cannot be this embarrassing once you confront him, that’s for sure. But realizing you might have been absent for a while, you gingerly take a hold of your phone and type a new message with a plan. 
When are you free, Bam? 
You need to discuss this to him in person. You need to see it in Bambam’s eyes. You see the typing animation show on and off as he’s probably contemplating on what to say to you too.
i’m free for a few hours after our morning radio interview
Perfect. I’ll meet you at the cafe near my university at 12. Sounds good?
yeah yeah ofc 
Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, Bam.
you too. uhhh good night?
Good night to you too, Bambam. :)
“Headass, over here!”
A guy in stylish clothing, together with a black cap, black sunglasses, and black mask whips his head towards your direction. His tall stance and sense of fashion already singled him out from the lazily dressed college students surrounding the cafe right now, including yourself.
You end up sleeping three hours later after your conversation with Bambam, different scenarios of your meet up today forming in your head, some with good outcomes and others unspeakable. You couldn’t believe that you were able to set up a “date” with him with the intention of confessing the uncertainty you have in regards to affectionate feelings towards him. 
He walks over to the corner of the quaint little shop, a cold drink already in place before his seat. You don’t see his expression quite well, seeing that his whole face is covered with different kinds of masks, but you hear him chuckle as he relaxes in front of you, inspecting the drink shortly. 
“You know me too well,” he finally says, lowering the mask to his chin so he can take a sip of his favorite drink. You grin at your accomplishment, chugging the iced coffee you bought for yourself as to keep your nerves from taking over you- which was ironic since you’re gulping down more of what keeps you shaking right now.
“How was the interview?” You ask nonchalantly, watching his every move. Bambam glances up at you and nods his head, “It went really well. More enjoyable than your presentation, that I could say.”
Glaring daggers at him you counter, “Shut up.” He cackles at your response, and then the two of you instinctively easing into your normal conversations of mundane stories and brutal banters, almost forgetting about the original reason of you meeting him here.
But you didn’t mind, not one bit. You missed his physical presence. Just seeing a hint of his crinkling eyes from the shade of his visor is enough for you to feel comfortable around Bambam. He genuinely is the best person you know. You both never have to think twice about saying something potentially wrong, because the other would just use it at their advantage but at the same time turn it into an inside joke between the two of you. 
There was something that he declared which made you stomp your hand down the table in rejection. He chortles at your dramatic expression and casually lays his hand on top of yours. Your face quickly realizes this as you retrieve your hand back to your sides, squeezing it tight to stop it from trembling at the sudden contact. 
Bambam notices your discomfort and coughs awkwardly. “Sorry, sorry. I ruined it, didn’t I?” He admits, looking down in frustration.
“No, no, Bam it’s not that,” your attempt in fixing the matter at hand was futile, and you wish you have more time to stall, more time to just have mindless fun with the best guy friend you’ve ever had in a while. 
But seeing that your stomach churned and jumped in itself after a simple touch of your hand, you had to tell him how he’s made you feel. Or else you’re going to go nuts.
“What are we, Bambam?” You blurt out, eyes fixating on the empty cup of beverage sitting idly on the table. “And don’t make it out as a meme, ‘kay? I’m asking it seriously,” you follow up with a scrunched face, making sure that Bambam knows you’re done with fooling around. 
You peek at his face and he seems to be smiling shyly, hand that was once touching yours now scratching the back of his head. You find yourself wishing you never took it back. 
Shaking your head, you whine at your inner frustration. “I… I think I like you, Bam. And I don’t know why I’m saying this now but recently, you’ve been saying weird stuff to me that gets me all flustered and red and you can’t see that because we haven’t seen each other in a while, but when we do I try to suppress it just because I don’t you to think I’m weird or something like that but our conversation last night messed me up big time, and now I don’t know if suppressing it is going to help anymore and I just -”
You stop yourself from losing air in your system as you inhale and exhale. Your hands have been clutching themselves tightly on your lap and you let go to feel the blood pumping again. You’re afraid to look up and see a confused Bambam staring at you, but before you can contemplate any further, you hear a soft laughter resonating from him. And it wasn’t that of mockery, so you slowly turn your head to reveal a blushing adolescent boy before you, hands covering his eyes under a pair of expensive sunglasses.
 “Aw man, you beat me to it. Why do you always do that to me?” He complains cutely. You titl your head in confusion. 
“I was supposed to confess first. Do you know how ashamed I feel right now?” He takes his hands off his eyes as well as his sunglasses and you finally see his eyes. Glistening in hope and anxiety all at the same time, but the beauty in them never left. You are taken aback, but you try and keep it together as he gulps down and stares right back at you. 
“You always beat me to things, but that doesn’t mean I won’t confess anymore. Yes, I’ve been trying to get your attention more frequently because I’ve… developed feelings for you, and I didn’t know how to handle them other than be more annoying than usual.” His assessment of the situation makes you giggle, and it prompted him to keep going. 
“I was really happy I got to talk to you when I was feeling hella nervous yesterday. It made me confirm my feelings for you and that you make me comfortable in whatever situation we’re in. The selfie I sent you last night was just me trying to see if you kind of feel the same way, and I honestly didn’t know what to expect from there.” He brings his hands on the table and plays with them mindlessly, biting his lip as he looks down. 
“I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel frustrated by the way I’ve acted, I’m just a dumb adolescent boy who doesn’t know how to handle his feelings well. But I was honestly really glad we got to hang out today, you know I missed you a lot. So, I’m sorry if this ruins everything…” he trails off, seeming to want to say more but his tongue prevents him from doing so.
You keep your eyes on him, not exactly knowing how to respond correctly. He gives you a full minute to contemplate on your own before he looks back up at you, pausing with his hands and smiling sheepishly. “Any response from you would be great right now.”
“Shoot, I’m sorry,” you say, lips in a tight line. You think for another few seconds before finally making up your mind. “C’mon, let’s take a selfie.”
“W-what?”
“C’mon, Bam. You have a better camera than mine, so go get your phone!” Your tone was firm but encouraging at the same time. He hesitates for a second but complies nonetheless. You scoot next to him, your arm slightly touching with his. You falter a bit, but you feel Bambam relax with your touch and you smile as you move in a tiny bit closer.
He positions the phone at the perfect angle and you see him trying out a few different expression before his thumb presses over the button. Your smile grows wider at the sight of him assessing himself, but you quickly peck the soft surface of his cheek and beat him to taking the selfie. 
Without waiting for his response, you snatch the phone away and inspect the picture. Content with the image, you show him the screen. 
He looks at with his eyebrows furrowed, but immediately understands and reveals a goofy grin. You nudge his elbow playfully before resting your head on your shoulder, already feeling at ease with your position.
“Not so blurry now, huh?” You ask him. He pats your head in response and squeezes your shoulder reassuringly, the touch of him making you want more.
 But for now, this is enough.
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