#i’ve literally just been thinking and talking abt it nonstop all day

[angelkissiies]

hocky au! abby losing a game and taking her fustration out on you in the locker rooms😵‍💫😵‍💫 god i am SICK for this woman.

emotional

abby anderson x reader

cw : PORN ITS JUST PORN, literally two mins of plot in the entire thing, cunnilingus, mommy kink, public ish sex, dirty talk, dom!abby, reader being a tad crazy, literally so many things I can’t label rn im so tired, lower your expectations to zero rn, hockey!au, modern!au, college!au.

wc : 4.3k (I have no idea how this happened)

| anon thank you for the request, i really hope I did it some justice but this probably is super unreadable. I’ve been thinking abt this nonstop for the past three days, so I hope you enjoy! |

Abby Anderson was not a sore loser, except on the off chance your school's rival team won, but that never happened. Other than the fact that it did, in the last few seconds too. They managed to get the last- and ultimately winning- goal, leading the school's undefeated streak to come to an end. In that scenario, she absolutely took the loss to heart, becoming the world's most frustrated girl as she practically threw her skates off and disappeared into the locker rooms. 

Her teammates didn’t even dare to venture inside, deciding that wearing their sweaty uniforms home was a better fate than fucking with an angry Abby. It wasn’t often they saw her like this, but when they did it was crucial to be as scarce as possible. Being the team captain was a hard job, but being a team captain whose win streak was just destroyed.. by the rival team... Not even they could imagine the outrage. 

“Abby?” You called down the hallway, arms filled with bags before you tossed them down by the doorway. It was weirdly silent, not a sound emitting from inside as you slowly pushed the door open. 

The room seemed pretty empty, except for the tale-tell signs of Abby’s presence. Her gym bag was wide open and clothes littered the floor around it, accompanied by her (incredibly too big) water bottle. She was here, just where was the question. 

You pushed in, letting the door swing closed with a ‘thwack’ against the frame, before glancing around the mostly darkened room. It was a pretty big place, seeing as the school had gotten a pretty massive check from some surgeon pertaining to the rink and all its little bits and bobs. A nice place, that was undeniable, seeing as all of the rivaling schools chose to visit instead of host. 

“Abigaillll..” You drew out, turning a corner to find it desolate, making a disappointed frown pull at your lips. If anyone was able to calm the girl, it was you, coming in the clutch on rough games and making sure she didn’t get expelled for threatening to harm her opponents (she tended to get a little too into the game, like, all the time.) How was a mystery to most, seeing as they’d seen her take down grown men on the ice. but her little girlfriend? different story. “Wh-,”

A hand cut you off as it cupped over your mouth, pushing you back until you landed back first into the endcap of the lockers. Thinking the worst, you attempted to bite at the massive hand, earning a dry chuckle from someone you knew a little too well. 

It was her, of course, it was her, who else would it be? 

Abby licked her lips gingerly, her usual crystalline eyes taking on a darker more steely blue as she peered down at you, hand slowly moving from your mouth to the curve of your neck. “Hi.” She hummed, not really paying attention to you as her gaze followed her hand- watching as it caressed the soft flesh of your throat. 

Heat rose in your cheeks, making you let out a small covering cough. “I’ve been looking for you.” You spoke, the soft graze of her nails against your skin catching you off guard enough to halt your sentence there, watching her face as she let her gaze fall to your chest.

“Oh yeah?” She asked, eyes flickering back up to meet your own, they were filled with something else now. 

You nodded, recognizing the heat in her touch after having spent so long memorizing her personal language- something only you could decipher. “Yeah, I wanted to, uh, check on you.” Mostly true, seeing as her friends were too scared to try. 

Abby raised an eyebrow, using a free hand to push her honey-toned waves over her shoulder. “Why wouldn’t I be? Just a game, right?” She stated, words sharp enough to kill as she moved an arm over your head, using it to hold her weight as she loomed over you. “No need to be so..-”

“Fuck it.” 

You would’ve fallen backward with the force of her kiss if she hadn’t carefully kept you placed firmly against the lockers- giving you little to no room to move. Not that you’d even consider it, seeing as the high her lips gave you was more than enough to keep you complacent with her will. She knew how easily she could rush this, how wet you’d get just from this small encounter, but she wanted needed to make this last. 

Abby panted lightly as she broke away, eyes cloudy with frustration and lust as she eyed you. Something about her energy had shifted, she no longer felt like the angry girl on the ice, but instead like a predator stalking its prey. She wanted you in the most primal way but her conscience was holding her back- not wanting to do anything you weren’t comfortable with. “Baby, look at me.” She rumbled, voice dark as she took in the look of your blushed cheeks and slightly parted lips. Something about you made her feral, wild, untamable. 

Your glossy eyes darted up to meet hers, almost making you gasp at how intimidating she looked. She towered over you, hair falling carelessly down her shoulders whilst she eyed you, not even to mention her face had taken on a tinge of red from the temperature of the locker rooms. You knew she didn’t have a bone in her body that could hurt you, but in the seconds leading up to your compliance, you would've let her if she wanted. 

“What is the safeword?” 

A pang of nerves shot through your stomach, glancing around the locker room before she moved a hand to your face- redirecting your gaze back to her. “B-but Abs, we can’t.” You managed, feeling the familiar warmth enter your panties as she forced your attention back onto her with a dry chuckle. 

“Safeword. Now.” 

Your tongue darted out to wet your lips, “Mercy.” You whispered, shifting your weight from foot to foot as you watched her carefully. The room was silent despite the ragged breaths that fell from your lips, adding to the anticipation that had begun to soak your cunt. 

“Atta girl.” Abby praised, pushing forward to capture your lips again, one hand coming around to linger at your waistband. Her lips were rougher this time, chapped from the chilly air, and desperate as they delved into a clash of teeth and drool. As much as she had begged herself to take her time, there was something inside of her that begged to be satisfied, it begged to be fed. 

You whined into her mouth as she bit at your bottom lip, arms moving to lock around her neck as she used her free hand to unbutton your jeans. “Abby..” You panted, pressing your thighs together as you felt her hand dip past your waistband. “We can’t, what.. what if someone sees?” You managed halfheartedly, not wanting to stop but knowing it was the best decision. 

Abby chuckled, nudging your thighs apart with her leg, giving her access to your heat. “Then let them.” Her fingers grazed over the soft cotton of your panties, feeling the wetness that had seeped through, before pressing into the little ball of nerves gently. It was enough to erect a strangled moan from your lips, urging her to continue her devious toying. She let her thick digits skim over the fabric covering your slit, just barely adding a bit of pressure to your swollen lips. 

“Fuck,” You hissed, legs naturally easing even wider before she crudely pulled her hand from your cunt, making you whimper from the loss of contact. You’d immediately begun to think of some way to chide her before you’d processed the loss of contact, seeing as she now sunk to her knees. Her hands were focused on ridding you of your jeans, lips swollen and parted as she gazed up at you. 

The sight made you groan aloud, her demanding yet desperate touch drove you insane as she eased the jeans down your legs until she finally got them off taking your panties with them in one swift movement. With a haphazard throw, you’d found yourself in just her oversized shirt that you’d stolen from her last night, trembling slightly under her electrifying touch. “Please, Abs.” You sighed, a hand moving to intertwine with her honey locks. 

She made a show of licking her lips, keeping her eyes on your own as she dipped down to lick a stripe up your soaked cunt, arousing a satisfied groan to leave her mouth. If there was one thing she prided herself on, it was her self-control, but as she looped an arm around your thigh- she’d swear she’d been lying to herself the entire time. 

Her shoulders pushed your legs open wider until you were practically thrown over her shoulders, barely able to hold yourself up without her. Chest heaving as you gripped her hair, head coming to rest upon the cool metal of the lockers behind you. 

Abby flattened her tongue against your hole, nose bumping your clit gently as she tasted the arousal you’d accumulated after only a few minutes of being within her grasp. She dragged her tongue against the hot skin, coming up to swirl around your clit before sucking the small bundle between her lips roughly.  

A sharp gasp left your mouth as you pulled at her hair, earning an amused noise from the girl. She knew how weak you got for her mouth, how easily she could unravel you without even really trying. Anytime she could, she’d use it to her advantage. “F-fuck, Abs.” You whimpered, feeling her tongue dip in between your folds to skim over your slit. 

“You taste so fucking good.” She groaned, mouth now covered in your juices as she pressed messy open-mouthed kisses to your clit. You hadn’t realized, but her hand had left your waist, now hanging by your thigh as she pulled back slightly to watch as you fell limp against the lockers. 

She barely hesitated as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, placing her free hand between your thighs, letting one thick digit slide in between your puffy lips before coming to a gentle stop above your slit. Her finger grazed over the hole, feeling as you attempted to clench around nothing. It brought a small smile to her lips as she glanced down at her sweatpants, biting the inside of her cheek lightly before letting her finger press into your cunt. 

You whined at the sensation, instinctually clenching around it as your cunt sucked her in, attempting to buck your hips to gain the pleasure you craved from her. It was to no avail, as she used her body weight to keep you from moving. Her thick finger came to a stop before curling to massage the spongy spot that lay inside your cunt that only she knew how to reach. A string of curses fell from your lips in response, followed by a messy combination of praise and hatred for the girl as she drew it out painfully long.

Abby moved her head down to press soft kisses to the flesh on your thigh, letting a second finger join her first to stretch your pulsating walls out wide enough for her to fuck you. She made a point to ignore the spells of complaints falling from your lips as she pushed her fingers deep into your cunt, forcing a choked moan to fall from your lips as she began fucking into you with her fingers. “Like that baby?” She snickered quietly, barely loud enough for you to hear before she brought her lips back up to your clit, giving it a swirl with her tongue before pulling it in between her lips with a harsh suck. 

You could’ve screamed from the explosion of pleasure coursing through your body as you writhed against the lockers, hands lost in her hair as you attempted to keep your composure. The way she knew your body was one you’d never experienced before, as she always seemed to know how to make you snap. Abby was the only person who’d ever been able to make you cum- despite her not being your first. She liked to joke about how shitty your exes were but in moments like this, you found it hard to disagree. 

She was ruthless in her pace, picking it up once she felt your legs begin to tremble under her unyielding sexual torment. Her mouth didn’t falter, continuing to lap up the slick that had begun seeping from your sensitive cunt. “You gonna cum for me, baby? You gonna let me taste you?” She hummed in the most venereal tone, tongue stuttering over your clit. 

The band that had wound in your stomach tightened, making you clench harshly around her fingers, urging her to continue. Your mouth was ajar now, a silent cry for the girl beneath you leaving your bruised lips. “Please, oh fuck. Please, Abby.” You chanted as if you were asking God for a miracle. 

God was a woman and she answered. 

Abby curled her fingers again, using her thumb to rub rough circles into your clit as she pulled back to watch you fall apart above her, only being able to keep yourself standing with her assistance. It was her favorite sight to see, one of you cum drunk as she fucked orgasms out of you like it was easy. She prided herself on being the only girl who could see you like this, the only girl who could make you so wet it was dripping down your thighs. “So fucking pretty, baby.” She groaned, licking the slick from her lips. 

You cried out, hips stuttering as you felt the band snapping, sending your eyes rolling back. A gush of liquid could be felt drenching Abby’s hand. It was like you’d been holding your breath, as you felt the air return to your lungs, followed by her fingers easing out of your now sore hole. She was so gentle, pressing a soft kiss to your inner thigh before pushing herself up off of her knees to hover before you, holding you up as your legs wobbled beneath you. 

“Abby,” You began, only to hear her shush you gently, pulling you into her as she allowed you to ride out the waves of your orgasm. You let your body fall to rest, moving your hands to rest on her hips. You ran your fingers over the hem of her gray sweatpants, letting yourself drown yourself in the feeling of her. 

“Got another in you?” She asked, breath caressing the shell of your ear as she hovered above you, hands itching to have you bent over the nearest surface. She’d been holding out originally, not wanting to cross a line by bringing the strap into it, but with the wetness that’d begun to pool in her boxers- she knew she couldn’t hold out much longer. She wanted to fuck you, have you bent over the nearest surface stretched out by her cock. She wanted to be joking when she asked you but the desperation had begun to creep into her words, pushing her subconscious’s agenda. 

You wanted to say no, still mortified by the idea of someone finding the two of you here but as you went to reply your body had already reacted, sending a dull ache right back to your core. With a small nod, you answered, only to be stopped by her strong grip on your jaw. 

“Answer me, pretty.” Abby said, forcing your hazy eyes to focus back on her, giving you a small peck on the edge of your lips. Her touch was forceful yet soft as she handled you, making you fall deeper into the pit that was her love. 

You stared back at her, pulling your lips in between your teeth before you could find the words. “Y-yes, yes. Please, Abs.” You mumbled, watching as her blushed lips pulled back in a smile, making you tilt your head in confusion. 

Abby let out a soft breath, moving to press her hips into yours. “Who?”

A pang of desperation shot straight to your cunt as you gazed up at the woman, feeling the firm bulge in her sweatpants and knowing exactly what she wanted. It was something that started as a joke during the earlier portions of your relationship but soon became something much more serious, something much more personal as time went on. You didn’t think she genuinely liked it until she’d practically begged you to use it more during sex. 

“Please, Mommy.” 

She groaned in appreciation, feeling her boxers begin to stick to her legs with the arousal that had begun to build up. “Good girl, c’mere.” Her hands were guiding you, pulling you away from the lockers and towards the counter that sat nestled in the corner. It was something she’d fantasized about more than once, fucking you senseless here- a place she’d always associated with you. “I need to be inside of you, baby. So fucking bad.”

You whined at the thought, allowing her to press you up against the counter as she nudged your legs apart with her knee. Things felt like they were moving so slowly as you pressed your cheek onto the cold metal, cunt clenching around nothing as you heard her click the straps of the harness firmly into place. “Use me, mommy. M’yours.” Your voice was airy as you spoke, making the woman behind you chuckle darkly. 

“That right?” Her hands settled on your hips, her sweatpants hanging around her thighs as she pushed them down just far enough to allow the strap to break free. The purple toy hung freely as she used a free hand to grip the base, rubbing the tip along your glistening folds. It took every ounce of self-control she had not to bury herself to the hilt in your sopping cunt, just the look of it was tempting her- not to mention the spout of pathetic noises that had begun to fall from your lips. She pushed the tip towards your hole, watching as it slowly began to sink into you, earning a satisfied noise to rumble in her chest. 

Your hips jerked slightly, the newfound depth being filled by eight inches of purple plastic deep inside of your heat. It was something that made every ounce of self-respect leave your body, craving nothing but the abuse she supplied to your aching walls. “Need you.” You gasped, feeling her cold hands come back to massage your hips. 

Abby felt a rush of adrenaline course through her veins making her jerk her hips back, pulling the strap almost completely from your cunt before snapping back- burying herself inside of you. “Yeah, you do. Don’t you, pretty?” She huffed, using your hips as leverage to fuck into you. It was as if something inside of her had snapped, throwing all care to the wind as her arms tensed making her fingers dig into the soft flesh of your hips. 

You gasped, fingers reaching for something to hold onto as she thrust. It was like being fucked dumb as your mouth opened but nothing legible came out, the sound of skin and plastic being drowned out by messy cries of pleasure as she looped an arm around to hook under your waist. She pulled you up off of the counter, pressing your back against her chest. 

She was breathless, the harsh change of pace sending her for a loop as she pressed chaste kisses to your exposed neck, stopping right above the neckline of your shirt- mentally kicking herself for not taking it off of you when she had the chance. “So dirty.” She tsked, moving a hand to your throat before giving it a gentle squeeze. She was so close to losing herself in the pleasure, having the bumper rubbing harshly against her clit, drawing sharp gasps from her lips as she felt the frustration from the day ease up into something she could only describe as ecstasy. 

Your stomach convulsed as she angled her hips up, abusing your core and making you let out the most embarrassingly loud moans in response, she knew exactly what she was doing. Today wasn’t any more about hockey than it was the parking ticket you’d managed to snag on the way here, it was about something that had been bubbling between the two of you for a bit now. Something that had managed to spill over into a place you’d never imagined getting your guts rearranged in. The fucking rink of all places. You made a mental note to thank the other team for winning. 

“Fuck, fuck.” You hissed as she dropped her hand down to rub harsh circles on your swollen clit, practically forcing your climax to approach. As much as she wanted to keep going like this all night, she knew the cleaner would be around in the next half-hour. That was not a report she’d like to have in her file, considering who paid for the building. 

Your mouth hung open, broken gasps and moans falling as you slacked underneath her- your body going limp as you felt a pulsing enter the walls of your cunt, an ache begging to be absolved as she rocked your hips onto the hard plastic. It always felt so sudden with her, never knowing how fast she’d be able to draw the band in your stomach to snap. “Mpfh, Abs- fuck, mommy.” 

Abby ground her hips into yours, chasing the same high she felt coming to the surface in you. Her pace stuttering momentarily as the sensitivity caught her off guard, making a whiny moan escape her lips. She felt the coil in her stomach set alight, making her thrusts rougher and deeper as her hips chased the ribbed bumper. “That’s right, baby. Mommy’s fucking got you.” She hummed, lips nearing your ear. 

A rush of heat coursed through your body, making your legs tremble as you stayed held against her body. Your stomach puffed and caved, spilling cum onto the purple plastic that invaded your sore hole, making your entire body wrack with sob-filled moans. 

Around the base was a ring of white that Abby ignored as she continued to fuck into you, feeling a similar ache rise in her cunt. She held your trembling body close as her ache turned into a burning that then began to fill her stomach. Her cunt clenched around nothing as she abused the sore nub. Her chest heaved with every thrust, drinking in every estranged moan she could pull from you as the soreness took over. She felt her hands begin to shake as her final thirst sent her over the edge, making her move a hand onto the counter to hold herself up. 

Her orgasm shot through her body, sending chills down her spine as she felt a gush of liquid soak through her boxers and onto the light material of her sweatpants. She gasped something heavenly in your ear as she did so, not loosening her grip for even a second, resting gently against your back as she recovered. 

“F-fuck, Abs.” You managed, body still trembling from the pressure against your womb. It wasn't often that she was so rough, so public. “What happened today?” 

It was almost a joke, though in some sense you really wanted to know, seeing as you were about to make her carry you to the car from how badly you were shaking. Could you drive like this? Who even knows? Though as she hesitated, you had almost begun to regret it- until she finally decided to speak. 

“Some guy on the co-ed team called me emotional.” She explained, gently coaxing the strap from inside of you- trying not to cause any more discomfort as she did so. Her hand held your hip in place, the other coming to unclasp the harness from her hips. 

You whimpered slightly at the feeling, following it up with a harsh scoff. If there was one thing Abby Anderson wasn’t, it was emotional. Probably just another man being fragile about a woman having feelings, per usual. “Who?” You asked, turning to face her now- seeing the product of your time spent. Her eyes were blown with easing lust, her face taking on a light pink hue. Her hair was now widely sticking to her face and poking up in random spots, making you giggle lightly as you used your hands to smooth them down to look halfway decent. 

“Terrance, I think that's what his last name was.” Abby recalled, placing the harness and strap on the counter next to you before leaning into your gentle touch. “No need to worry about it though, I'm over it.” 

You smiled at her, stepping up on your tippy toes to press a kiss to her chapped lips. “Oh, I'm not worried, honey. Not at all.” 

bonus !

Approximately two days later 

You walked down the courtyard towards the rink, having your earbuds in but not playing any music in hopes to avoid speaking to anyone on the way there. But as you passed a gaggle of girls sitting in the grass, you chose to slow down- having the urge to listen in to whatever they decided to gossip about today. 

“Hey, did you hear about Josh?” 

“Which josh?” 

“Josh Terrance, the one with the dentist dad.” 

“Oh, that one. No, what happened?” 

“Some crazy bitch slashed his tires last night, he doesn’t know who it was but they got three of them.” 

“Shit, that sucks. Kinda deserved it though, he's a douchebag.” 

A satisfied smirk pulled at your lips as you sped up to pass them, a new pep in your step as you made your way to tell Abby of the mysterious ‘crazy bitch’ that just so happened to slash Mr.Terrance’s tires. 

[erenloveclub]

in case u were wondering i am not even trying to be normal abt erens dick today

[yoongiseesawmp3]

just about perfect - seonghwa

howdy folks, back with another fic but i’m switching it up on ya! i might start writing regularly for ateez as well so y’all are cool with that right? right.

summary: this is NOT inspired by seonghwa saying he watches nevertheless. why would you even think that.

warnings: not the kind of warning u were expecting but there’s no smut (i know its based off a show abt friends with benefits so that’s why i’m warning u. do not get ur hopes up) a little cussing, a lotta me waxing poetic abt the perfect man park seonghwa. also slight tomfoolery from the teezers

word count: 10.6k

the bookstore just off campus is your current go-to study spot, mostly because the cafe inside has a drink special where you buy one coffee and get a voucher for the new bakery next door. so, let’s just say the past few days you’ve been well caffeinated and well fed. you’re on the way there now, already planning out what your treats are going to be. 

today you were supposed to meet your “study group” after your last class of the day, but it looks like you’re the only one here so far. and you say “study group” loosely, the professor for your music theory elective encouraged everyone to make a study group for the upcoming final and your group of friends chose to work together. there’s been no studying going on, though.

especially not when hongjoong’s new friend seonghwa has been flirting with you literally nonstop. he’s apparently friends with everyone else in your group too. san knows him from an art class they took together last semester, meanwhile wooyoung and yeosang claim they lived on seonghwa’s floor freshman year and he always bought them booze. seonghwa denies it, only because hongjoong would slap him if he admitted to buying alcohol for underage kids. 

tasteful delinquency aside, seonghwa is a fine person. you mean personality fine, not like, fine fine even though san would beg to differ. he knows you’ve developed a thing for seonghwa despite trying not to, and he’s secretly trying to get you two together. 

which is why san suddenly texts you and says he can’t make it, and neither can yeosang or wooyoung. they decided to ditch studying to practice for the final in their dance class instead, so it’ll be just you, seonghwa and hongjoong. and little did you know, hongjoong was trying to do the same thing as san. so we’ll see how this goes. 

- 

“y/n, you can’t do that,” hongjoong warns you, referring to the scale you were trying to fill out. 

“why not?” you ask, looking down at your work and wondering what’s wrong.

“because it’ll sound like shit,” seonghwa replies before sipping his coffee. 

“what he said,” hongjoong agrees, grabbing your paper and erasing some of the notes you had scribbled out. “it should look more like this.”

you glance over at what he’s done on top of your old work and sigh. you took this class because you like music, and you thought learning about how it works would be interesting, but it’s hard. 

“can’t you just do all my work for me?” you plead. at this rate, you don’t think you’ll be able to pass the final. 

“no, i don’t want you dragging me down in this class,” hongjoong replies. “my grades are great.” 

“i hate you.”

“what are you struggling with, y/n?” seonghwa asks as he finally looks up from his laptop. he had been working on an assignment for another class this whole time because he, like hongjoong, is great with music theory. so maybe this study group was a good thing. 

“here, you can switch seats with me,” hongjoong says as he clears the spot next to you on the weathered loveseat. “i’m going to look for a book i should’ve started reading two weeks ago.” 

before you can protest, seonghwa is sliding his laptop across the coffeetable and slides himself into the spot next to you. when he sits you notice your thighs are touching, which is weird because there was plenty of space when hongjoong was here. you don’t know that seonghwa is doing this on purpose, that hongjoon really left so he could flirt with the cute cashier in the cafe to give you and seonghwa some alone time. 

“so,” seonghwa starts once he’s settled. “what are you struggling with?” 

“hmm, all of it?” you reply. your answer makes seonghwa smile, and you like the way his eyes sparkle when he does.

“then i guess we’ll be here a while.”

-

about an hour later, seonghwa has walked you through all the major and minor scales you need to know for the test and you’re starting to understand a little more. you’re still having problems with the back of the study guide where you have to come up with note combinations that can apply to those scales, but you have time to work on that since the final is two weeks out. right now, your brain is fried and you need a break. 

“do you mind if i go get a coffee?” you ask seonghwa, who was in the middle of sending you the minor scale cheat sheet he made. he looks up from his laptop and shakes his head before he speaks.

“i would only mind if i can’t come with you.”

“it’s literally right over there, why do you need to come with me?” you question.

“i think i would just miss you too much,” he pouts, and you roll your eyes. seonghwa shuts his laptop and stands up. “what if i need coffee too?”

“you already had one,” you remind him as you stand.

“yeah,” he nods. “but teaching you is exhausting, so i need another. c’mon.”

he walks ahead of you to the counter, and you’re too busy searching for your wallet to notice he took his jacket off, revealing a sneaky tattoo on the back of his neck. it isn’t until you’re behind him in line that you get a look at the hand drawn star right on the nape of his neck, and you have to refrain from reaching out to trace the lines.

“i didn’t know you had a tattoo,” you decide to say. he turns around and instinctively rubs his hand across the tattoo, smiling at you with those sparkly eyes again.

“yeah, i have a couple,” he replies. “but this one is my favorite.”

“why?”

“because my name means ‘to become a star’, so i like knowing that i have a reminder with me all the time,” he explains.

“nice. it’s really pretty.”

“thanks, so are you.”

“sir?” the barista calls, pulling seonghwa’s attention from you. he steps up to give his order as you stare at the tattoo again, noticing alongside it a couple of freckles that almost make it look like a constellation.

“y/n?” seonghwa’s voice draws you out of your thoughts and you realize he’s finished ordering. “what do you want?”

“oh, i can get it,” you begin, but he cuts you off.

“no, my treat,” he insists, and you sheepishly walk up to the counter to give your order. seonghwa makes a mental note of what you get, and he also snatches the bakery voucher from you before you can put it in your pocket. you make a confused sound and seonghwa laughs. 

“why’d you do that?” you whine.

“you only get to use it if you come with me to the bakery later,” he teases. “say yes or i’m drinking your coffee and getting myself an extra cupcake.”

“fine,” you huff. “but i have an assignment due at midnight, so i can’t stay long.”

“it’s 4pm, that’s not enough time for you to finish it?” he asks while you step out of the way for the next customers.

“i haven’t started yet,” you admit. 

“you like saving things until the last minute, don’t you?”

“what makes you say that?”

“well, it looks like you haven’t been studying music theory at all, and now this,” he shrugs. 

“not everybody can be perfect like you, park seonghwa,” you grumble as the barista places two coffee cups on the bar. you hear seonghwa giggle shortly, and you give him a questioning look.

“so you think i’m perfect?” he smirks.

-

it’s the next day, almost midnight, and you really need spray paint. 

why? well, you’re stressed because you have so much to study for your finals and you don’t know where to start. yes, seonghwa helped yesterday, but he’s not in all your other classes, so you’ve decided you need a break from tearing your hair out over the material you can’t comprehend. the best way to distract yourself from that is to finally paint that dresser you got from a garage sale a few months ago, hence the spray paint. 

thankfully, san is still awake, and he has a car, so you ask him to pick you up for a quick run to the art supply store that’s surprisingly still open. a bonus of going to college in the city, you can get anything almost whenever you need it. 

“thanks for coming to get me,” you tell san as you hop into his car. 

“no problem,” he replies. “i was bored and hongjoong said he needed paint pens so this is a win-win situation. plus, i get to hear about your date with seonghwa yesterday.”

“it was not a date,” you groan, choosing to ignore the suggestive way san is looking at you right now. 

“but you spent the whole afternoon together,” san starts. “he bought you coffee and you went to the bakery together and talked about, like, your favorite colors and stuff. sounds like a date to me.”

“how do you know all that?”

“seonghwa told hongjoong and then hongjoong told me,” he explains as he turns onto the street that’ll take you to the art store. 

“well tell hongjoong that i’m still mad at him for ditching us,” you reply. “and i’m still kinda mad at you and the other two for bailing in the first place.”

“hey, if it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have had your first date with seonghwa,” san points out.

“it was not a date!” you cry. “we studied most of the time we were together, then he bought my coffee and bullied me into going to the bakery. i couldn’t stay long because i had a paper to write, so we talked about stupid shit until i had to leave.”

“it sounds like the beginning of true love to me,” san sing-songs. 

“stop the car, i’ve decided to walk.”

-

when you get to the store, san separates from you quickly because he sees his friend mingi behind the counter. they’re busy talking while you search the store for the paints, and you’re so busy looking up at the aisle names that you don’t notice you’re about to run into someone. 

“hey-” you start to complain, but you recognize the man you almost bumped into. “oh, seonghwa.”

“y/n,” he smiles at you. “what are you doing out so late?” 

“uh, distracting myself from how small my brain is,” you explain. “what are you doing here?”

“hongjoong needed paint pens,” he says, and you’re about two seconds away from finding san and slapping him. did they really plan this too? 

“why didn’t he come get them?” you ask as you remember what you’re here to find. your eyes scan the aisle behind seonghwa and you spot the paint cans at the end, but he’s in your way.

“i offered,” he says with a shrug.

“you must be a really good friend, then.”

“well you did call me perfect yesterday, so...” he trails off, smirking. you roll your eyes at him but can’t help the blush creeping up your neck. he interrupts his new favorite activity of staring deeply into your eyes (just to fluster you, of course) and he sees that you’re looking past him at the shelves of paint. “you need something down here?” 

“um, yeah, the spray paint,” you reply, awkwardly trying to skirt around him to get into the aisle. he steps aside to let you through, but still follows you as you search for the color you want.

“what are you making?” 

“i’m painting a scuffed up dresser i’ve had for a while, so i want something simple that’ll go with the rest of the things in my room,” you explain as you stop walking and crane your neck to scan the bottles on the top shelf. seonghwa stops behind you and places his hand on the small of your back as he reaches for a can just out of your reach.

“what about this one?” he offers, handing you a can of light blue paint. it’s really pretty, and it’ll stand out with the white furniture you already have, but you really like it.

“oh, that’s perfect!” you say as you take the can from his hands.

“there you go again,” seonghwa teases, and you shoot him a questioning look. he smiles as he responds. “calling me perfect?”

“i said the paint was perfect, weirdo,” you snap. “but thank you for finding this.”

“anytime,” he tells you. “you said your favorite color was blue right?”

“right...” you mumble, thinking back to the conversation you had at the bakery yesterday. “how’d you remember?”

“ugh, i’m hurt!” he exclaims, hand flying to his chest in mock surprise. “i can’t believe you already forgot that it’s my favorite color too.”

“hm, guess i was too distracted by how perfect you are,” you joke. seonghwa laughs at that, a sharp sound that seemed to catch him off guard. he covers his mouth to stifle the sound, but you’re close enough to the cash register now that it draws attention from san and mingi.

“find what you need?” san asks with a shit eating grin.

“hm, just about,” you say as you place the paint on the counter. “couldn’t find a hammer big enough to drop on your head, though.”

“wow, harsh,” san scoffs. “and to think i brought you here out of the goodness of my heart.”

you’re too busy half-bickering with san to notice that seonghwa has paid for your paint and the pens he promised hongjoong. he mumbles something to mingi, who then hands him a piece of paper. he scribbles his number down for you before handing you the can and his number. 

“i gotta go, but i’ll see you later for study group, right?” he confirms. you’re still processing the fact that he keeps buying things for you and you can’t respond in time, so san steps in.

“yeah, y/n will be there,” san assures seonghwa. he nods and shoots you one last smile before he excuses himself and leaves. you’re stuck with san and that stupid grin again. he looks at you and then checks the paper with seonghwa’s number on it. “yep, i think you got what you needed.”

-

even though seonghwa very willingly gave you his number, you’re still afraid to text him. it’s kind of hard to believe that he’s into you the way you’re into him, so you’re fine with just seeing him for study dates. or, uh, not study dates. study gatherings. with just the two of you. because the other guys have bailed, again.

this time, though, you’re not working on music theory. you have an assignemnt due for your ethics class, and you need family and friends to read about your results from this morals test. you wanted san to do it, but he’s currently “chasing a sweet piece of ass,” whatever that means. he’s probably bothering his lab partner that he claims descended from greek gods. you would usually tease him for saying something like that, but it’s a thought you’ve had about seonghwa, so you kept your mouth shut.

anyway, you know you need someone to answer these questions for you, but you can’t bring yourself to ask seonghwa. he kept up his “perfect” demeanor again today, showing up at the bookstore before you so he could get you the coffee you like. you would ask why he keeps doing things like this for you, remembering your favorite color and your coffee order, but you’re afraid he’ll stop if you bring it up. little do you know, every time he learns something new about you, he writes it down in his notes app, keeping a running tab of the things you like.

“y/n?” you hear him ask. his voice snaps you out of your thoughts and you realize you’ve been staring at him this whole time. the smirk you’ve become so familiar with makes another appearance as he gets ready to tease you. “something on your mind?”

“no, i...no,” you stutter. “i’m just thinking.”

“about what?” he questions as he lifts his coffee cup to his lips. you watch the way he slightly pouts them before taking a sip and you have to stop yourself from staring again.

“just this ethics assignment i want to finish,” you explain. “sorry, i didn’t realize i was staring at you.”

“must be an important assignment,” he nods, leaning forward to put his cup back on the table in front of you. you get another glimpse at the star tattoo on his neck as he does. “because i was definitely staring at you too, and you didn’t even notice.”

“oh?” 

“yep,” he confirms. “i was giving you my best puppy dog eyes and everything.”

“puppy dog eyes?” you ask, unsure of what’s coming. “do you need something?”

“eh, not really,” he shrugs. “i’m just worried.”

“why?”

“you never texted me the other night.”

“after the art store?” you ask incredulously. 

“isn’t that when i gave you my number?” he smirks. 

“i didn’t think you wanted me to text you immediately...”

“well, it’s been three days and i still don’t have your number,” he pouts. 

“hold on a second,” you mumble, reaching for your bag. you fumble around in there, searching for the piece of paper with seonghwa’s number on it as he watches you fondly.

“what are you doing?”

“looking for your number,” you reply like it’s obvious. seonghwa laughs a little and places his hand on your arm to stop you. 

“you do know i’m right next to you, and i could just put my number in myself?” he asks, eyes sparkling as he half-smiles at you. you blush, because no, you weren’t thinking about that. you sheepishly hand him your phone and watch as he adds his number and then texts himself. he gives your phone back and replaces it with his own before asking, “what’s your favorite emoji?”

“um, the smiling cowboy?” you offer, not sure why he’s asking. he laughs again, like he did in the art store, but this time it’s harder for him to quiet the breathy giggles coming from his chest.

“why that one?” he asks, typing something quickly.

“it’s funny,” you shrug. “why?”

“needed something cute to put next to your name, but you’re a weirdo, so it’s not as cute as i was imagining,” he explains, showing you the contact card in his phone. your number is saved as “y/n 🥰🤠” and you can’t help but laugh. you look up at seonghwa, warmth in your eyes, and he starts laughing too.

“see?” you giggle. “it is funny.”

“whatever, at least now i have your number.”

-

after exchanging numbers with seonghwa, you’re starting to let yourself believe little by little that he might feel the same way you do. it’s not anything serious, but there’s definitely something there. the texts he sends are always flirtatious, and it has your heart beating faster every time you get a notification, hoping that it’s him. you’re in the middle of studying for your spanish final when you feel your phone vibrate on the bed next to you, and you smile when you see who it’s from.

seonghwa 🥺💫, 6:28pm: are you busy rn?

you, 6:28pm: not really, just studying

seonghwa 🥺💫: can’t be studying too much if you replied that quickly 🥸

you: what do u want

seonghwa 🥺💫: be nice :-(

you: sorry

you: hi seonghwa, how are you? what do you want.

seonghwa 🥺💫: come get dinner with me? 

you: right now?

seonghwa 🥺💫: no, in 30 years. yes right now 

you: but i’m studying ://

seonghwa 🥺💫: liar!

you: fine, when and where?

seonghwa 🥺💫: i’ll pick you up in ten 🤠

- 

“you sure like staying close to campus, huh?” you ask seonghwa as he walks you about a block from your usual hangout and to a little hole in the wall restaurant that looks like it could seat maybe 20 people, uncomfortably. 

“i know what i like,” he responds with a shrug. “speaking of things i like, you look nice.”

“oh, thank you,” you semi-laugh. you’d been close to panic trying to figure out what to wear (because you’re not sure if this is a date) so you went with something simple, but you’re glad seonghwa likes it. not that you wanted to impress him. but you did, a little. anyway, he looks...well, perfect, wearing black ripped jeans and a velvet-y navy shirt. you continually have to stop yourself from reaching out and stroking his arm just to feel the soft fabric (and maybe his muscles). 

“so i take it you’ve never been here before?” he asks as he hands you a menu. you shake your head no in response. you can’t tell if he’s doing it intentionally, but seonghwa leans closer into your side as he explains. “you pick a main entree, but each dish comes with these sides. they say no substitutes, but i know the guy behind the counter so you can ask for more of something else if you don’t like one of them.”

“i might do that,” you say. “i don’t really want dumplings, so could i get extra sweet potatoes?”

“of course,” he nods, noting the way you smile slightly. it makes your eyes light up, and his heart does a little backflip knowing that he’s the reason for it. well, the sweet potatoes probably are, but he’s the one getting the sweet potatoes, so he’s taking that win for himself. once you both confirm what you want, he places his hand on your back and guides you to the counter.

“hey seonghwa!” the tall guy with a lopsided smile behind the register greets. “long time no see. who’s your friend?”

“hey yunho,” seonghwa smiles back. “this is y/n, a vip, so make sure you give us the good stuff.”

“extra sweet potatoes?” yunho laughs. you and seonghwa both nod as yunho continues taking your order, and you find yourself comfortably leaning into seonghwa as you wait for yunho to calculate the price. before seonghwa can even think about taking his wallet out, you’re handing yunho cash for the food, which makes seonghwa sputter.

“what? y/n, i was going to pay,” he whines, and you simply shake your head.

“nope, my turn,” you tell him. “you’ve bought me coffee too many times.”

“but i asked you out! i don’t want you to pay on our first date if i’m the one who brought you here,” he continues to complain.

“so this is a date?” you confirm, right as yunho asks suggestively “oh, this is a date?”

“yunho, give y/n’s money back,” seonghwa says, ignoring the two of you. “i’m paying.”

“yunho, if you give me that money i’ll be forced to leave and stand seonghwa up for our date,” you say, emphasizing the last word. now you’re glad you wore clean pants.

“seonghwa, why don’t you let y/n pay for this, and then you can get the next one?” yunho suggests, sending you a wink before he turns to the kitchen to share your order with the chef. you’re left with a flustered seonghwa, which is a sight you’re not used to, and it makes you laugh.

“c’mon,” you say as you pull on his arm. “let’s go find a table.”

you’re the only ones in the restaurant, so the food comes out pretty quick, and you have to stifle a laugh when you see that someone has arranged the sweet potatoes on a separate plate in the shape of a heart. seonghwa blushes at this, and you’re taken aback by how shy he’s suddenly become.

for some reason, seonghwa showing signs of nervousness puts you at ease, and you lead the conversation to something stupid san told you about the boys and their shenanigans at their dorm. the story has seonghwa laughing, and he confirms that yes, yeosang does have a sword by the tv, and yes, hongjoong did threaten to use it on him after he lost an intense match of fifa. 

“in hongjoong’s defense,” seonghwa begins, “i do think yeosang cheated. wooyoung was definitely helping him.”

“it still sounds ridiculous,” you tell him. “why does anybody need a sword?”

“yeosang is just...yeosang,” seonghwa replies. “he’s weird but he won’t admit that to anyone.”

“i’m just saying, if i went to someone’s house and there was a katana by the tv, i’d haul my ass outta there.” seonghwa giggles at how serious you look, but this conversation reminds him...

“you never showed me your room,” he says bluntly. you pause for a moment, spoon halfway to your mouth, and seonghwa realizes how that must sound. “i mean, the paint, your dresser. you never showed me a picture once you fixed it up.”

“oh,” you breathe out. “let me grab my phone, i can show you.”

“show him what?” a familiar voice suddenly asks from the seat next to you. when you notice that san, and some of your other friends, have snuck their way into the restaurant, you have to keep yourself from groaning.

“why are you here.”

“i’m hungry,” san replies, then turns to seonghwa. “you didn’t tell us you were getting dinner.”

“i didn’t want to,” seonghwa deadpans. “ i wanted it to be just me and y/n.”

“too late for that, pal,” honjoong says as he slides into the seat across from you. “hi y/n.”

“hey hongjoong,” you grumble. “please tell me you’re getting your food to go.”

“we were, but then we saw our good friends eating all by themselves and thought we should join them,” hongjoong teases. by now, the rest of the boys have sat down around you, some at other tables, and one of them you don’t recognize. that must be jongho, their younger “roommate” who technically lives in first year housing but doesn’t get along with the other guy in his room. you’ve heard seonghwa complain that jongho eats all of his snacks. 

“well, i hope you enjoy your food, but seonghwa and i were just about to leave,” you lie, looking at seonghwa with a stare that pleads ‘please go along with this.’

“where are you going?” wooyoung asks, one table over.

“my apartment,” you respond quickly, standing up as seonghwa follows your cue with a stupidly adorable look on his face.

“oh, perfect!” san chirps. “we’ll come with you!”

- 

so much for your date with seonghwa. it was hard to stop the boys from insisting they all join you at your apartment, especially after yunho said his shift was over and he could really use some destressing. and by destressing he meant booze, so you currently have 8 tipsy boys scattered across your living room. if you thought they were loud before...it’s amazing that your neighbors haven’t complained yet. 

it started off innocent enough, you were just playing card games at first and the loser of each round had to drink. then it turned into never have i ever, and each time you put a finger down you had to drink. then yeosang suggested shots, and it really went downhill from there. san tried convincing everyone to play a round of spin the bottle just for the chance of making you and seonghwa kiss, but mingi and wooyoung were the only ones down, so majority ruled there. 

“san, stop pouting,” you laugh, noticing that he’s upset over his evil plan not working out.

“it’s fine,” he lies, duck lips on full display. 

“spin the bottle is such a tween-y game too,” jongho pipes in. “and we’re adults, so it would be kinda stupid to play it anyway.”

“says the baby of the group,” yeosang scoffs. 

“what about truth or dare?” hongjoong suggests. “still immature, but we can make it fun.”

“yes!” san shouts, suddenly back in a positive mood. 

“i’ll start,” mingi volunteers. he takes a deep breath as he looks around the room, eyes narrowing when he looks at you and seonghwa. you’re currently smushed into your armchair together, not really by choice, because the couch is completely full and neither of you wanted to sit on the floor (you know how dirty it is, and seonghwa has a bad hip). thankfully, mingi has mercy on you and directs his gaze to his best friend. “yunho, truth or dare?”

“truth,” yunho slurs out. you’d say he’s the opposite of stressed by now.

“did you sleep with that girl you met at the party last week?”

“no,” yunho replies quickly, cheeks turning a knowing shade of red. “i just walked her home.”

“and went missing until the next morning?” yeosang asks. he gets a few snickers, and you laugh a little too because you remember san and wooyoung talking about their friend who disappeared for a few hours last weekend.

“whatever,” yunho groans. “yeosang. truth or dare.”

“dare,” yeosang chooses confidently. 

“kiss wooyoung on the cheek.”

“no,” he replies, just as confidently. 

“then take another shot,” yunho concedes, waving his hand at the stubborn boy. wooyoung mumbles something about how kissable he is as yeosang downs what looks like more than just a regular shot.

“this is boring,” jongho whines, which makes him the next target. he chooses dare, and you have to detach yourself from seonghwa so you can go into your kitchen and find the lemon juice in your fridge so jongho can chug what’s left. he’s sputtering after a few sips and gives up, grumbling up to you, “ i hate you for that.”

“hey, it wasn’t my dare,” you defend yourself. “you owe me lemon juice.”

“i’ll give it to you if you choose dare,” jongho challenges. you roll your eyes and take the bait, earning a round of ooo’s from the boys around you. 

“make her kiss seonghwa,” someone hisses.

“or me!” wooyoung chirps. jongho looks over at him with a death glare, and wooyoung shrugs. “i just want someone to want to kiss me.”

“i think you’re cut off,” hongjoong says as he leans across your coffee table to move the bottle away from wooyoung.

“everyone be quiet!” san shouts. “jongho has to give y/n a dare.”

“hmmm,” jongho starts, tapping his finger on his chin. “what should i do?”

“for someone who said this was boring, you’re really milking this,” seonghwa says under his breath. you’re perched on the arm of the chair, close enough to hear him, but thankfully no one else does.

“what’s that other childish game called?” jongho wonders aloud. “seven minutes in heaven? i think you should do that with seonghwa.”

“do i have to?” you pout, and your reluctance makes seonghwa stiffen. he thinks you said that because you’re uncomfortable, and not because you don’t want the boys pressing their ear up to the door while the two of you make out.

“rules are rules,” hongjoong concludes, nodding his head toward your room. “go have fun. i’ll keep the kids from bothering you.”

you look to seonghwa, who isn’t looking directly at you. you tentatively take his hand, giving it a squeeze before you stand up and lead him to your room. there are so many catcalls, whistles and cheers coming from your friends that you barely hear san say “take your time! it doesn’t have to be just seven minutes!”

once you get to your room, you let seonghwa go in first and then you lock the door behind you. he quirks an eyebrow at that, and you shrug shyly. 

“don’t want one of them bursting in,” you explain. seonghwa nods, and you both fall silent. it’s not necessarily awkward, just tense. you both want to do what seven minutes in heaven is meant for, but you’re not gonna make the first move and seonghwa still isn’t sure you even want to be in this situation. so he takes this time to turn around and take your room in, pointing to your dresser.

“is this it?” he asks. you hum out a yes in response, and he runs his hand over the freshly painted wood. “it looks nice. whoever picked out the color sure knows what he’s doing.”

“eh, he’s just lucky,” you joke, and you both laugh. you move to stand next to him and place your hand on top of his. “sorry we couldn’t finish our date.” 

“sorry my friends are so annoying,” seonghwa adds. 

“sorry san pushed me into your lap earlier,” you continue, and seonghwa smirks.

“well, i didn’t mind that,” he says. “i wanted you to sit with me, but i didn’t want to draw attention.”

“oh,” you squeak, feeling a blush on its way to your cheeks. a heavy silence falls over you, and seonghwa is the first to break it.

“listen, if you don’t want to kiss me, that’s cool,” he begins. “i kinda got the vibe earlier that you didn’t want to do this, and that’s cool. if you don’t want to do this we’re still cool.”

“you don’t sound very cool about it,” you chuckle, and seonghwa’s face flushes. “but i was only nervous because i didn’t know if you wanted to kiss me.”

“oh i want to kiss you,” he says firmly. “have for a while.”

“why don’t you do it then?” you challenge. seonghwa takes a step closer to you, and before you know it he’s pinned you against your dresser. you balance your hands on it and the cool wood helps you ground yourself as your body heats up from having seonghwa so close.

“are you sure?” he asks, only a few inches from your face. you nod and whisper out “i’m sure” and seonghwa quickly cups your face and smothers you in a kiss. it starts off slow, and your face warms at his touch. once you relax into it you move your lips against his, nipping at his bottom lip slightly and earning a groan from the man before you. you take the chance to slip your tongue past his lips as you bring your hands up to the nape of his neck, slowly brushing through his soft hair. his hands find their way to your waist, gripping tightly but not too hard, and he leans in to get as close to you as possible. you keep kissing for a few moments, but eventually you need to breathe so you lightly tap on his neck. he pulls back, breathing heavy, and his smile shines like the most beautiful stars in the sky. “so?”

“so?” you repeat, equally out of breath.

“that was nice.”

“it was.”

“the boys are gonna know we made out.”

“of course they are,” you laugh. “your lips look swollen.”

“so do yours,” he counters. 

“but wasn’t that the whole point of us coming in here?” you ask. your hands have fallen to his chest, and you finally get a chance to smooth out the soft velvet of his shirt. and you notice his chest is very, uh, firm, too.

“we didn’t have to kiss,” he says with a shrug. “we could’ve just talked.”

“about what?” you ask with a smile.

“my keen eye for interior design,” he replies. “how sexy you look in low lighting.”

“so you think i’m sexy?” you tease, and seonghwa rolls his eyes.

“i just had my tongue in your mouth, does that answer your question?”

another silence comes over you both, but this one is lighter than before. you’re subconsciously rubbing your hands over his shirt, and seonghwa brings a hand up to cover yours, stopping it right over his heart.

“we don’t have to tell them,” you offer. “i mean, they kept it a secret from us that they were trying to get us together this whole time.”

“oh no, i was fully aware of that,” seonghwa tells you, and you scoff. “do you think i really wanted to get out past midnight just to buy hongjoong some expensive markers? he never even paid me for them.”

“well now i really don’t want to tell them we kissed,” you whine. “how could everyone be in on this except me?”

“it was more fun that way,” seonghwa teases before pecking your lips. “but we can keep this between us, for now.”

“i think we should,” you say with a nod of finality. “it’s more fun that way.”

“c’mon, let’s go back out there before they send a search party.”

you return to the living room before seonghwa (so he can sneak into the bathroom and fix his hair) and you find most of the boys asleep on the floor. you sigh as your eyes meet hongjoong’s, and he shrugs.

“at least they didn’t bother you,” he says. 

“can you help me find pillows and blankets for them, please?” you ask, and he nods before jumping into action. he throws one of the couch pillows down to yeosang, who takes it and hugs it to his chest. you have a couple extras in your hall closet and you pass them to yunho, who’s sitting up when you come back. he places one under mingi and another under jongho and keeps the last one for himself. san and wooyoung are on the couch, and hongjoong tells you he’s fine with the armchair. seonghwa is out of the bathroom by now, and, like the perfect man he is, he’s carrying blankets in his arms. the three of you work on getting all the boys covered before you realize that seonghwa doesn’t have a place to sleep.

“i can take another spot on the floor,” he assures you. “do you have another pillow i can use?”

“let him sleep in your room, y/n,” san mumbles from underneath wooyoung. you pause and look at seonghwa, who’s looking back at you with something you can’t read in his eyes. 

“it’s not a bad idea,” hongjoong pipes in from somewhere within the blanket cocoon he made for himself. “he was just there. you can put him on the floor.”

“y/n?” seonghwa asks, pulling your attention back to him. “i don’t have to if you’re uncomfortable.” 

you would try to fight it, so you could hopefully ignore taunts from the boys in the morning, but you’re suddenly really tired and you just want to lay down.

“i’m ok with it if you are,” you yawn. “take the rest of those blankets, we can use those for your bed.”

“make good choices,” honjoong mumbles as seonghwa leads you back to your room, and you hear san going “oooooo” as you close your door a second time tonight. this time you don’t lock it though, and when you turn around you see the blankets on the floor and seonghwa sprawled out on your usual side of the bed, so you tell him.

“well why don’t you come join me then?” he teases with a grin. you blush and shake your head.

“scoot over.”

he does, but only by an inch. he still looks at you with that flirty glint in his eyes, and you can only shake your head again as you crawl into the tiny space next to him. he immediately wraps an arm around your waist and gives you a tight hug, placing a kiss on your shoulder.

“thank you,” he whispers into your back.

“for what?” you reply.

“for not putting me on the floor. and for liking me.”

-

you just woke up from maybe the best night of sleep you’ve ever had. seonghwa’s arms and legs are draped over yours, so you can’t get up without waking him, but having him so close is a welcome source of warmth. your apartment is quiet, and the sun is peacefully filtering into your room through your curtain. it’s the perfect moment, with your perfect boy, until- 

“i think they’re still asleep,” you hear someone whisper from the hallway.

“wooyoung, leave them alone!” another voice hisses. there’s silence for a moment, and then a smack, followed by someone jiggling the doorknob to your room. you quickly untangle yourself from seonghwa before you watch as the door cracks open a bit, revealing wooyoung in all his bed-headed glory. you close your eyes as much as you can while still peeking at who’s sneaking into your room, and you see jongho close behind him. he must’ve been the one who got smacked. or did the smacking. either way, they’re both staring at you and seonghwa in your bed, but you notice wooyoung smile and pause.

“i knew it! they definitely got together last night.”

“how do you know?” jongho asks. “maybe y/n let seonghwa sleep on the bed because of his old man hips.”

“whatever. they’re in the same bed, so that’s at least something,” wooyoung replies. “lame, but still something.”

“what did you expect?” jongho asks incredulously. “you thought we would catch them doing it?”

“i mean, not exactly, but couldn’t i get a little cuddling maybe?”

“you want me to cuddle you hyung?” jongho deadpans.

“yes, actually-”

“hey!” a third voice whisper shouts. you hear footsteps and then you see hongjoong pulling wooyoung out of your room by the neck of his shirt. “leave them alone. and you, jongho, i’m surprised you’re playing along with this.”

“well...” jongho mumbles.

“well what?” hongjoong asks, sounding like the mom-est mom to ever mom.

“they’re the only ones that know how to make breakfast.”

“both of you, out! now!” hongjoong semi-shouts, and you feel seonghwa stirring behind you. hongjoong doesn’t realize you’re both awake and closes the door as he leaves.

“what time is it?” seonghwa grumbles out, and your heart skips a beat hearing how deep his voice is when he wakes up.

“early,” you reply, turning around to be face to face with him. his arms slowly snake around you as you look up at him and share a sleepy smile. “how can you look this good when you first wake up?”

“weird, i wanted to ask you the same thing,” seonghwa replies, leaning in to kiss you but you touch your fingers to his lips and stop him, so he pouts. 

“uh uh, not until i brush my teeth,” you say as you try to get up, but seonghwa’s grip on your waist keeps you down.

“please,” he pouts again, sparkly eyes on full display as he pleads with you. it takes about half a second for you to cave and kiss him quickly, catching him off guard. he shifts to pull you on top of him and deepen the kiss, but he loses his grip on you and you’re able to slip out of bed before he can stop you. a noise comes from deep in his chest that almost sounds like a growl, and you shoot him a glare.

“hey, you got your kiss,” you warn. “now i’m going to make breakfast for the gremlins. do you want to help me?”

-

after the intrusion into your bedroom, wooyoung obviously told the boys what he saw. but, like jongho said, most of them thought it was just because of seonghwa’s hips that made you share a bed with him. there wasn’t enough evidence otherwise, and none of them really expected either of you to make a move despite their efforts. but they’re starting to get suspicious.

little do they know, after the set up fell into place, seonghwa wanted to take you on a real date. the only way to do that without your friends knowing was to sneak around without them, which was kind of fun. it was nice having this bubble with seonghwa, just the two of you, but it was getting harder to avoid your friends. seonghwa lived with them after all, so they pestered him about how often he was out and who he might be out with. 

“san keeps asking if you’re a good kisser. i told him i didn’t know, and then he asked if he could find out for me. should i be concerned about that?”

“we need to be more careful, yeosang said he saw us at the taco place yesterday, and he said we hold hands weird.”

“hongjoong has been saving seats for us at the bookstore, and each time we don’t show up i think he steals something from me.”

you have been ditching study group lately, but that’s more because you need to do some deep studying for your other finals and your friends are too much of a distraction. seonghwa can be distracting too, but at least he can take a hint and back down when you really need to focus. it’s been nice actually, just spending time in his presence. you were so nervous around him just a few weeks ago, and now you feel like you could trust him with just about anything.

today, you don’t get any personal study time, though. your music theory final is coming up and seonghwa wants you to get all the terms memorized before the review session in class tomorrow. he’s motivating you with a kiss for each right answer and the promise of him making dinner once you’re done. you’re currently cruising on five wrong in a row, and you’re getting frustrated. 

“c’mon y/n, you know this,” seonghwa encourages you, but you just whine in response. “we did this like four minutes ago, and i told you the answer so you could remember it.”

“yeah, well i obviously didn’t,” you snap, and seonghwa fakes being hurt. “sorry. can we skip this and come back to it?”

“sure,” he agrees quickly. “but first you need to write down the circle of fifths for me.” 

“i hate you.”

“hm, wrong answer,” he hums. “but kiss anyway. maybe that’ll keep you from getting so grumpy.”

“i am not grumpy,” you defend after kissing him gently. “i’m stressed.”

“you know what you need?”

“hm?”

“you need to go on another date,” he begins. “with me, obviously.”

“damn, i wanted to know if yunho was free,” you tease, and seonghwa doesn’t think it’s funny. “now who’s grumpy?”

“ignoring that,” he scoffs, but you can tell he’s trying not to smile. 

“when would we go? i’m really busy the next few days.”

“what about after class? we could both clean up and do something nice before we get some dinner?” seonghwa suggests. “why don’t we go to that art exhibit you told me about?”

“ugh,” you groan as you learn your head on his shoulder. “that sounds amazing, but we both said we’d be at study group tomorrow, remember? hongjoong practically begged me to be there, and i said i would ask you to come.”

“what about not letting them know we’re a thing?” he pouts. you don’t tell him about the youngest two that saw you all cuddled up, but instead you assure him that you inviting him to study group wouldn’t look unusual to the boys.

“plus, if we both cancel last minute, they’d know for sure we were up to something together,” you continue. “so yes, we need to go on another date, but just not tomorrow.”

“fine,” he mumbles. “now i am grumpy.”

“would something from the cafe make it better, my little boba ball?” you ask in a baby voice.

“ooh, actually, boba sounds good,” seonghwa smiles. “let’s go.”

-

the next day you get to the bookstore late because your professor gave a pop quiz at the end of class and you’ve been so busy studying music theory you forgot to study for anything else, so you needed all the time you could get. when you finally arrive, all of the boys are there, surprisingly. since you’ve never seen yunho, mingi and jongho here before you’re a little confused, but happy to see them nonetheless. 

as you walk up to the usual spot, you notice a coffee cup sitting in front of an empty chair, and you point to it as the boys greet you.

“is this for me?” you ask, placing your bag on the ground before grabbing the warm mug. “thank you, coffee angel.”

“you’re welcome, actual angel,” seonghwa replies, and you almost choke on your first sip. what is he doing?? you’re supposed to be sneaky sneaks and keep your relationship quiet, but here he is flirting with you in front of everyone!

except, that’s what he did before you started dating too, so it’s not out of the ordinary. in fact, no one pays any mind to it, so you’re left with a burnt tongue and blushy cheeks while seonghwa looks at you with a stare that only you would understand. you quickly shoot him a wink before you put your mug down and reach for your notes.

“um, hello? what are you guys doing?” you ask yeosang next to you, who’s rabidly tapping at his phone, just like everyone else. if they weren’t distracted they might have picked up on the vibes between you and seonghwa, but thankfully they’re the oblivious ones now.

“playing a game,” half of them respond, just as hongjoong says “writing lyrics” and jongho mumbles “texting my mom.”

“aren’t we supposed to study?” you ask. “or did you already learn everything in the world while i was gone?”

“well you’ve missed a lot of study sessions, y/n,” san begins. “so yes, we have learned everything. now we just come here to hang out.”

“so then why did you insist on me being here, joong?” you ask newly orange-haired hongjoong. it’s been a while since you’ve seen him, he must’ve dyed it recently. 

“we missed hanging out with you,” he says simply, eyes peeking up from his phone. your heart constricts at this, and you catch seonghwa’s eyes again. you might have to rethink the whole sneaking around thing if they really do miss you.

“yeah, we missed you AND we had to make sure you and seonghwa are still spending time together,” wooyoung adds, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“where have you been anyway?” yeosang asks. “you don’t have other friends.”

“yes i do,” you scoff.”

“give me names and numbers.”

“ignore him,” yunho tells you, and you nod.

“i always do. but i’ve been really stressed about finals, so i had to do some soul searching on my own to decide if i need to graduate or not.”

“seems fair,” mingi agrees. “i almost had to drop a class.”

“because he forgot he was even enrolled in it,” jongho clarifies, and you laugh.

“but seonghwa has been missing a lot lately too,” san starts. “i wonder what he’s been doing.”

“or who,” wooyoung snickers, and hongjoong reaches over mingi to slap him.

“i haven’t been feeling well,” seonghwa says with a shrug. “i’ve mostly been in my room, or at the pharmacy to get medicine.”

“oh, so you could’ve bought new paper towels for the dorm then, huh?” hongjoong asks, and as the two of them start to bicker, yeosang nudges your arm.

“i saw you two,” he says quietly. “at the mexican restaurant.”

“i know,” you whisper back. 

“so i know you’re dating.”

“are you gonna say anything?”

“hmmm, no,” he thinks. “but you have to buy my silence.”

“with coffee?” you offer, and yeosang smiles. he stands up and puts his phone away before speaking, looking directly at seonghwa.

“my best friend y/n is gonna buy me coffee, we’ll be back,” he says as he loops his arm around your shoulders. seonghwa watches as you walk away (and stares at your ass) but he’s mostly thinking about how he’s a little jealous right now. like, he knows you wouldn’t do anything, he trusts you, but he doesn’t want his friends thinking you have a thing for anyone but him. so while you’re gone, he talks.

“i haven’t been sick,” he admits. “i’ve been seeing y/n.”

“we all knew, dude,” hongjoong says casually, and everyone agrees.

“then why didn’t you say anything?!”

“because YOU weren’t saying anything,” jongho replies.

“yeah, we figured that we did enough trying to get the two of you together, so if you didn’t end up dating then that was your fault. we were just waiting on you to make a move,” san explains. 

“then why did you let us lie to you like that?”

“it was fun,” wooyoung shrugs. “by the way, did y/n let you sleep in the bed because of your hips, or because you wanted to cuddle?”

the red tint on seonghwa’s cheeks gives him away, and the boys start laughing and ooo’ing so loud he’s afraid you’ll hear it over by the coffee counter.

“ok, ok, just. keep this quiet for now,” he says. “y/n may still want this to be private.”

“but you just told us about it,” yunho says. “why would you do that if you knew y/n wouldn’t want you to?”

“well,” seonghwa begins. “i need your help with a date.”

-

seemingly by an act of god, you have time this weekend to go on a date with seonghwa. little did you know, he’s the reason your plans suddenly freed up. san said you could critique him and wooyoung for their dance final another day, hongjoong said he would send you his music theory notes from the review and save you hours of studying and then yeosang found the exact spanish book you needed to finish your performance final ahead of time. it was the perfect circumstances, orchestrated by your perfect boy and his perfect-adjacent friends, who all agreed to help him with this (hopefully) perfect date. 

it starts with seonghwa picking you up from your apartment, coffee in hand. 

“you’re the man of my dreams, you know that?” you say in passing as you grab the warm to-go cup. even if you were only saying it lightly, it made seonghwa’s heart soar. you notice he hasn’t said anything to you, so you meet his eyes to find them full of stars like always, but this time there’s something scheme-y in there. he’s up to something.

“are you ready for the best date of your life?” he asks with a smile that puts the stars in his eyes to shame.

“yes, i think,” you respond, grabbing your keys and locking your door. “but i don’t know what we’re doing.”

“and it will stay that way until we get there,” seonghwa says firmly as he laces his hand into yours. you squeeze his hand and sigh.

“i guess i just have to trust you then.”

“but that won’t be hard right?”

“wait, didn’t you say something earlier about going to that art exhibit? is that it?” you question, even though you know he won’t budge. seonghwa just shakes his head no and punches the button for the elevator. a moment of silence passes before you guess again. “a movie? you rented out a movie theater, like you said you wanted to?”

“i tried, but it was expensive,” he admits and you have to laugh. “funds are tight right now.”

“i watched you buy a couple hundred dollars worth of legos the other day babe. maybe that’s why the date fund is lacking.”

“you’re not coming between me and my collectables, y/n,” seonghwa scolds. the elevator pings to open to the parking garage under your building, and you’re confused for a moment before he explains. “i want this to be a nice date, so yunho let me borrow his car. it would be no fun if we show up all sweaty because we were walking.”

yunho’s car, which is actually pretty nice thanks to all the tips he gets from flirting with clientele, is parked by the elevator. seonghwa leads you to your door and opens it for you, revealing a basket of flowers and candies in the seat. you coo as you pick it up, and seonghwa looks on proudly. you lean over to give him a kiss, and you whisper your thanks as you pull away.

“that was mingi’s idea,” seonghwa tells you, smiling brightly “i got all your favorites.”

“i see that.”

“but look around the flowers,” he guides you. “there’s something else.”

you hold the basket up to eye level, noticing the silver sparkle around the stems of the flowers. is it glitter? you tug at a flower and realize it’s a chain, and attached is a hand drawn star charm to match the tattoo on the back of seonghwa’s neck. 

“seonghwa, this is beautiful,” you say breathlessly. “we’re gonna match! that’s so cute. who’s idea was this?”

“would you believe me if i said it was mine?”

“no.”

“that’s what jongho said too,” seonghwa laughs. “it was his idea.”

“tell him thank you,” you say as you play with the charm. “mingi and yunho too. it’s a good date so far.”

“oh baby, it hasn’t officially started yet.”

-

in the car, seonghwa plays a mix of songs that he really likes, and he’s mixed in some of your favorites too. he has to keep convincing you that the songs aren’t clues, because you ask every time a new song plays.

“so are the songs just distractions?” you ask, finally giving up on getting any information out of him. 

“why do you ask that?” he smirks as he turns down a familiar road.

“because i can tell you just took the long way to the record store,” you explain. “are you stalling?”

“me, what? why?” his response does nothing to manage your suspicions, and suddenly you remember how your friends have helped with the date so far. are they all in on this? you need answers.

“seonghwa, i swear to god, if san or wooyoung jumps out to surprise me wherever we’re going-”

“that won’t happen,” seonghwa laughs while he parks the car. “we’re here anyway, and i promise this is the last surprise of the night.”

“the record store?” you question, looking up at the shop you’ve been to countless times to shop and to bother hongjoong while he works. 

“yeah, you said there was a new album out you wanted to get, right?”

“yeah,” you blush. “but i just said that in passing, i didn’t expect you to remember.”

“y/n, i want to know everything about you,” seonghwa says seriously. “so of course i remembered. wait, don’t get out yet. i’ll open the door for you.”

as seonghwa helps you out of the car, you quiz him on the other things you’ve said around him that you didn’t think he remembered. sadly, he does remember you saying your favorite disney movie is ratatouille and you’ve always wanted to try the mushroom/cheese concoction remy makes in the first scene.

“that’s a little embarrassing,” you sigh as you reach for the door. you’re going to complain some more about how seonghwa doesn’t need to remember everything about you, but the sight in front of you makes you stop mid-breath.

the record store has been decorated from floor to ceiling in fairy lights, and there’s more flowers all over the place. as you look around, you notice the flowers are tucked in the shelves next to your favorite artists. next to the door is the album you were talking about, and a little further down you see your favorite album of all time with a few extra flowers next to it. you’re still taking everything in when you notice hongjoong behind the counter.

“did you help him with this?” you ask breathlessly, and hongjoong nods. 

“yeah, but the flowers next to the albums was my idea,” hongjoong explains. “we’re running a new special called “y’n’s favorites” so everything that’s marked with a flower is yours, if you want it. everything is on the house.” 

“i...i don’t know what to say,” you start. you turn to seonghwa and there are those starry eyes that you love to see. you reach out to cup his face and smile. “thank you. this is...perfect.”

“it’s even more perfect now that i’m here!” wooyoung shouts from the front door of the shop, followed by san and yeosang. you look at seonghwa and all he does is laugh.

“what? at least he didn’t jump out and scare you,” seonghwa teases.

“oh, i would never,” wooyoung nods with a half-serious look on his face. “but i definitely wouldn’t do that when i have your dinner in my hands, i can’t let all this hard work spill.”

“especially not on my clean floor,” hongjoong warns. 

“you made dinner for us?” you ask wooyoung, but you’re looking at seonghwa, who simply shrugs.

“yep, i made one of your favorites and then threw in a couple recipes i thought you’d both like,” wooyoung says as he and the two other boys place food down on the counter by the register.

“and what did you two help with?” you ask san and yeosang.

“who do you think made this place so beautiful?” yeosang asks incredulously.

“yeosang did the lights and i bought all the flowers,” san explains with a smile that makes his eyes turn into happy half moons. “you’d be surprised how many places i had to go to get all your favorites.”

“i really don’t know what to say,” you whisper in disbelief. “i can’t believe you all did this for me.”

“it was all seonghwa’s idea,” san tells you. “we did it for both of you.”

“yeah, we’re just his little minions,” yeosang jokes, and wooyoung giggles. 

“you tell me how that food tastes, got it?” he asks as he backs out of the store. “don’t say anything mean though. i only accept compliments.”

“wooyoung,” seonghwa smiles tightly. “please leave.”

wooyoung holds the door open for san and yeosang as he gives seonghwa a thumbs up. san waves goodbye sweetly and yeosang gives you a knowing smile before the door closes behind them.

“well, i think that’s my cue to go,” hongjoong says, handing the keys to seonghwa. “don’t make a mess. if i get fired, i’m selling all the stuff i stole from you when you were sneaking around with y/n and not telling us about it.”

“i’ll keep him under control,” you assure hongjoong, who nods as heads to the door. you don’t see him leave because seonghwa has stepped in front of you, and he places his hands on your waist to pull you closer.

“so,” he begins.

“so.”

“what do you want to listen to while we eat?” he asks, pulling you by the waist over to a row of records. you stand there quietly, looking over the albums hongjoong pulled to the front for you, and you just can’t believe how much work went into this date. you can’t believe how sweet it is that each of your friends helped, and you put your hand on seonghwa’s and give it a squeeze.

“hwa,” you whisper. he hums in response, but you place your hand on his cheek and guide his gaze to yours.

“thank you,” you tell him. “thank you for this.”

he smiles at you with a look in his eyes that can’t be anything else but love, and you smile back with that much love, if not more, in your own face. you use the hand on seonghwa’s chin to guide his lips to yours, and you lose yourself in the kiss, in seonghwa, for who knows how long.

“mm, y/n,” he mumbles against your lips before detaching. “the food will get cold.”

“you’re right,” you sigh. “but we didn’t pick any music.”

“how about this?” he asks, pulling an album out from the top shelf. you smile at the cover, knowing exactly what song seonghwa wants you to hear. 

“perfect,” you agree. “i’ll put it on while you get the food?”

and that’s how you end up eating the perfect meal, on your perfect date, with all of your favorite things around you, sitting right next to your perfect boy.

[posi-pan]

Lol one of the weirdest forms of exclusionism I’ve ever been subject to was when this lesbian was stating that pansexuality is invalid bc it’s invalidating to bisexuals. When people said wait you’re a lesbian why are you talking about what bisexual people supposedly think she claimed she was speaking based on what bisexual people have said before (which is so ???) (I even told my bi friends who r supportive of pan ppl abt her and they were like she’s wrong so). Her entire blog was just filled w nonstop panphobia (coming from her AND other panphobes submitting asks bc ofc her panphobia made other panphobes comfortable) for days and she refused to listen to anyone trying to say why pan is valid, many of whom were speaking really respectfully, it was painful. Even when people said why do you need to do this just stop talking about it she acted like it was her duty to “defend bi people” or whatever. And her friends defended her but somehow claimed to not be panphobic or something??? They said shit like “oh everyone has their beliefs it doesn’t define them” (it was a while ago I can’t remember exactly) and like. You are friends w someone who is being AGGRESSIVELY panphobic. What do you mean. It was such a mess. Kinda sucks too bc she’s kinda popular/actively posts (posted? No clue what she’s up to now) abt a show I like and even though I blocked her & unfollowed her friends I couldn’t even follow blogs abt the show bc I’d sometimes see her posts. The whole situation was just so weird and annoying

Omg wait to continue my exclusionism ask I sent I remember I made an indirect abt her and she actually followed me on a separate account (she unfollowed me when I put pan in my bio tho) and liked the post I was like. This is literally about you LOL. She also claimed the pan identity was from tumblr and because she only learned abt it on the internet it wasn’t valid and she would actively erase the pan identities of characters and say they’re bi so like just hitting all the panphobic points

oof what a MESS lmao. gotta love when they fall back on the “it’s from tumblr!!!” argument and show just how little know about what they’re speaking with authority on. also, ain’t it funny how some lesbians are the first to pull that “if you’re not x don’t speak on x issues” shit (literally dates back to lesbian separatism) but then are so quick to jump into other queer people’s business?? i’m tired. i wish panphobes would just shut the fuck up forever.

[jzixuans]

mayhaps,,,, tomorrow,,, i will try drawing some tog,,

good happy things:

i’m still thinking about gabi

also this orpheus and eurydice!joe x nicky fic

had lots of fun last night w my friend

spent a good long while deep diving the backrooms tag on tumblr last night too

many jokes abt them were made

i think this year’s been a good birthday year i’ve spent a lot of time w my friends celebrating how i wanted to which is super nice

watched they call me jeeg (if only to have something to space out my tog rewatches) and like the movie overall was kind of meh but luca was one hell of a vibe

powerpoint party today!!! all of our topics were Very Niche which i super love for us

maybe i should’ve done mine on tog instead of the parallel universe theorem

okay thinking about The Hugs in marrakesh,,,,, god,,,,,

i know i talk about this literally every day nonstop but nicky and the baklava bet is an instant shot of serotonin every time i think about it

yes i Did rewatch motoe last night just to fixate on marwan kenzari thanks for asking 😌

also i ordered the You Will Not Clock This Crab t-shirt from the mcelroy merch store and i’m so excited to get it

[commandergoopy]

really weird update under cut!!

so its rlly weird since i never do this because i like to think im ok but im really not in the slightest, brief warning: im gonna talk abt trauma and a little heavy stuff and you’re 100% valid if u dont wanna listen

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

so this year has been an absolute nightmare but i think its gonna get better soon hopefully!!! so i have a psyche evaluation coming up on the 7th and im incredibly nervous because my family doctor is telling me i’m already experiencing some really bad symptoms of deep rooted trauma, such as a minor case of schizophrenia and extreme ADD. so since so much has happened and i had to change my life completely last halloween, i’ve been coping horribly and my case manager is literally telling me to not do things i’ve been doing to cope, and it’s all just a jumbled mess. my environment has done a complete 180, and i can’t see my family until the end of the year, and i have extreme abandonment issues,,, i miss my grandma... ;__; but all this shitty stuff that has happened really left me bruised and ruffled, if that makes sense??? so other than mental health stuff, i’ve been going through a lot of physical health stuff, i have tendinitis and close up coming with carpel tunnel since i’m constantly using my tablet nonstop without breaks, and not to mention i use my mouse a lot too;; i recently had to deal with a concussion since im a dummy, and i can barely breathe without assistance since my fuken tonsils are invasive. so hopefully im gonna get surgery to rip these suckers out but until then im baby. ive been incredibly irritable as of late, i’ve cut off several ties with friends out of mental deterioration with little to no reasons given, and i’m slowly just shutting down.,,, like i feel like my life is just written out to be just to be shit, ,, im also being tested for genetic cancer !! fuck!!!! these 6 months have been super rough and stuff since ive basically become homeless since im living in a crisis center where they can monitor my behavior so i decide to die! and my coping skills are seriously stunted to the point of where i’m getting too emotionally attached to fuckin video game character(s), and i’ve just been incredibly lonely despite me refusing talking to people and i feel like im just in a personal strife with my thoughts vs my actions. days that are the worst makes me incredibly sensitive to noise and make me physically upset and i have to evacuate the area, and i have to block out noise, sight and smell because if i even remotely feel anything bad i will actually cry and tear my hair out. anyways! im not really ok, but thats ok, because first step into recovery is admitting you have a problem! !!! anyways im being tested next week to see what i got and see what the next step into my recovery is, but at the same time i just feel like a guinea pig for my doctors/therapists to see how to make me stop crying, and it’s really stressful to trust people nowadays......i havent forgot abt commissions, i think about my clients all the time because Anxiety,,.... anyways thanks for reading ok bye

[fallns-blog]

                    i literally wrote this during work and i just got off, but hello hello, it me – cara, i’m a mess and i was sitting here last night trying to figure out which muse i wanted to bring in, but here i am with fallon. she’s a ( really ) old muse and her bio is underneath and it... gets a little long so i’m sorry abt that.

CISFEMALE  //  are my eyes deceiving me, or does FALLON UTLEY resemble caitlin stasey  ?  they even share their  (  charismatic )  personality. but i guess their  (  obstreperous  )  side kind of gives them away. it might sound funny, but i heard around time that they’re actually a hunter, and are around 24 years old. they also work as a PERSONAL ASSISTANT at the mayor’s office. wicked, right  ? 

ACT I / 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞.

your parents always wanted a child, but the universe rarely gives to those that deserve. your parents are young but they’re plagued with infertility, a curse that seems to fall on the ones that desire children the most. your mother tries to get over it, looking towards adoption but she can’t. she wanted the pregnancy, the journey and the literal, physical connection between mother and child – one she wouldn’t ever have.

so your father took things into his own hands. he shelled out money to witches who scammed him and left him thousands of dollars poorer, but he never gave up. your mother watched from the sidelines blindly as they lost money, but she never said a word. one day, your parents finally found a witch from fairwick, connecticut. it was far from home, but she was the only one left.

the witch granted your parents’ request with one simple spell and sent them on their way, not bothering to inform them of the consequences – a life for a life, the base of all life bringing, life giving spells. when you were finally born, you wouldn’t know that your heart would be replaced with a gaping hole.

ACT II / 𝐝𝐚𝐰𝐧.

you grew up loved. 

there was no other way to describe your childhood. you never had to worry about anything – dinner, clothes, friends, presents – anything you wanted, you got. could your parents afford everything? not necessarily, but they’d do anything for their love and light. if any of you had been even a little more observant, you would’ve noticed the signs.

they started out as little things – frozen clocks and dead bugs. eventually, they got more noticable. your mother’s flowers dying, her garden turning black during planting season, her hair graying before she was even forty. every sign of life around her was disappearing and by the time you graduate junior high, she’s gone.

you wished your father could’ve recovered. you don’t think you’ve ever seen him in such a cracked state. he sits so still it’s like he’s a doll, like he’s just a mannequin that’s in your home for show and tell. he doesn’t eat, he doesn’t drink, he doesn’t talk. he doesn’t acknowledge his love and light even though you’re the one thing he wanted in life. it doesn’t matter, it’s not the same without her.

ACT III / 𝐦𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐧.

so high school is different for you. it’s not the same as junior high, where you walked the halls with the coolest clothes and the coolest friends. no, things change when your father can’t pay the bills. you don’t even make it to your junior year.

when you’re sixteen, you disappear from home, but your father doesn’t even notice you’re gone. when the police show up at his door, he doesn’t remember having a daughter. thankfully though, you’ve made your choice. you no longer exist.

grace abernathy is a girl who went missing when she was sixteen. fallon utley was born from an unwritten book by a lonely girl without a mother. she was brave and happy and she had an ideal life in an ideal world. she was you, you were her. you built a life for yourself, a shabby life, but better than the one you had. 

you live in a bubble until you’re reading the paper three years later and see that wallace abernathy from one town over has passed. the poor man lost his wife and his daughter and in the end – lost himself. a tragic ending to a tragic story. 

it hits you hard and you find yourself outside his home – a home that you recognize, with marks on the wall in your bedroom to measure your height. you find a key still buried underneath the sixth rock from the door and walk into a house of memories that you worked so hard to supress. as you journey through the house, you find his belongings from the past three years. 

you learn everything.

ACT IV / 𝐜𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧.

your first kill comes on your twenty-first birthday. 

you found her after a year of searching and a spell performed by a coven of women who helped you find her. she’s old now, older than either of your parents would ever be and she doesn’t fear death. she welcomes you with open arms, taking your bullets happily like she’s welcoming the light.

you walk away with blood on your hands, leaving fairwick with the thrill dancing around in you. it never disappears, crawling up your spine and spreading through your skin whenever you wake up in the morning. you keep going and you don’t stop. now that you know the truth, it’s a matter of wiping them out. they’re unnatural and not to be trusted.

you’re proof of it.

THIS IS REALLY LONG BUT TL;DR: her parents couldn’t conceive, got a witch to do a (dark) spell to get a baby and uh surprise bitch a life for a life. her mom dies when she’s fourteen and her dad goes into a catatonic state basically and she runs away when she’s sixteen. she takes a character from a story in her head and changes her identity to fallon utley and starts to live a normal life until her dad dies and she goes back to her hometown and finds his belongings. she learns everything about the witch and spends a year searching until she finds a coven of witches who grant her with the hunter’s mark and the witch’s location. she finds the witch, kills her and uh hunts nonstop for three years and now she’s back because of the whole murder thing. sorry this got really long i’m... a mess.

BUT I’D LOVE TO PLOT WITH ALL OF YOU?? give me all the connections !! she’s pretty ruthless but she’s a good actress so i mean anything goes ?? luv u all, thnx if you read everything i’ve had this bio on my computer for like seven years asfdafasd.