#I’ve been thinking about mark all day . ULTIMATE gender. she’s my love he’s my life

[unluckyprime]

THE LIKELYS ⁉️⁉️☎️📚⭐️

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Alex Recommends: November Books

I am currently tackling the first few assignments for my MA course. I am still mostly enjoying it but one assignment in particular is taking up a lot of my time at the moment. I am doing all I can to keep on top of my stress management but sometimes it is very hard. I’m really looking forward to a bit of a break at Christmas though.

Mark is still working very hard too. He is getting some great reports from his supervisors and really growing as a teacher. I’m so proud of him! It’s really tough not being able to see each other every day, like we’d got used to, but I still feel so close to him, thanks to our excellent communication.

I don’t know if it’s just because I’m so much older now than I was the last time I was in a serious relationship but I just feel so much more secure this time around. I have no doubts that what we have is real, ever-lasting love and that we genuinely are best friends. I used to think that forced distance between us might be a trigger for my anxiety and paranoia to kick in but something about this has really prevented that from happening. If you’re in a relationship like this, please hold on to it. If you’re not but you’d like to be, I promise that these kinds of connections really do exist and that it will happen for you one day!

Although I have been very busy, I’ve found time (as always) to read some amazing books this month too. There’s a great mixture in this post that I think you’ll enjoy through the winter. Hope you’re all doing well and I’ll talk to you again soon! -Love, Alex x

FICTION: Lizzie Blake’s Best Mistake by Mazey Eddings.

Lizzie’s ADHD has caused her to make plenty of mistakes in her time, so she has learned to keep men at a distance and not let anyone get too close. Rake was burned horribly by his last relationship and is reluctant to get into anything serious ever again. When Lizzie and Rake meet in a Philadelphia bar one night, things get steamy and although there’s a great connection, they both know that it can only be a one time thing. So when Lizzie calls Rake with some big unexpected news, they both realise that their lives will never be the same again. This cute rom-com manages to be light-hearted while tackling some very serious issues and tricky family dynamics. I really enjoyed the ADHD representation because it showed how it affects Lizzie’s daily life and the struggles that many people with the condition suffer from. After the bombshell is dropped, it is quite a predictable story but this made it a lovely easy read. It’s ultimately about accepting who you are and focusing on the people who love the real version of you. Sweet, sexy and funny, Lizzie Blake is a character I won’t forget easily.

NON-FICTION: Trans Sex: A Guide for Adults by Kelvin Sparks.

Kelvin Sparks is a popular sex blogger who takes us through the ins and outs (literally!) of navigating sex and surgery as a transgender person. Exploring desire, arousal, pleasure, kink, dysphoria, consent and more, it’s a one-stop-shop for all your trans sex educational needs. As a cisgender woman, I found it very insightful and I learned so much about what transgender people go through when they have surgery and their sexual experiences. These topics are all dealt with very sensitively and plenty of myths are busted. It’s a highly useful resource for gender non-conforming people and even for cisgender readers, it’s very educational!

MIDDLE-GRADE: The Red Red Dragon by Lynne Reid Banks.

Red is a dragon who lives with his Mag and Dag. He knows that Uprights are his enemies, which is why he’s confused when the first one he meets, Lou seems to be kind and funny. Red begins to realise that perhaps dragons and Uprights don’t need to be at war and that perhaps he can reunite the two creatures. This funny quirky dragon story is about kindness and accepting difference. There are some beautiful illustrations and the world building was really lovely. There is also some commentary on global warming with a possible glimpse into our future, which acts as a warning to do all we can for the planet. The power of books is another motif that brought the whole world together. It was a really lovely, powerful middle-grade story that I’d recommend to all young readers.

YA: Friends Like These by Jennifer Lynn Alvarez.

Despite their falling out years ago, Jessica is dragged to Tegan Sheffield’s end of summer party by her boyfriend Jake. But a viral video event at the party leaves Jessica in tears, Tegan missing and Jake in disgrace. Then a body is found at the beach and suddenly Jessica and Jake are at the centre of the story as the media and the police close in. What really happened that night? This was a truly pulse-racing thriller with suspicion and toxic friendships everywhere. I was thoroughly gripped and intrigued by the mystery because I really didn’t trust anyone involved. The stakes were very high and I think that’s what kept the pages turning because the characters were all thoroughly unlikeable. Covered in secrets and lies, it’s a pretty twisty ride!

THRILLER: The Ghost Woods by C. J. Cooke.

Lichen Hall stands hidden in the woods and for years, it has been a place for unmarried mothers to give birth. Pearl Gorham arrives there in 1965 and she is sure that something very strange is happening. There appears to be a young woman and her son living in the grounds but no one wants to talk about them. As the truth begins to creep through the walls, the inhabitants of Lichen Hall will have to make some sickening decisions and uncover the past before it’s too late for everyone. There are some strong Gothic vibes surrounding this mystery and the multi-layered plot is highly unique. The characters are very easy to root for because there is plenty of insight into 1960s attitudes towards unmarried pregnant women and homosexuality. I loved the dark folkloric atmosphere and I couldn’t wait to find out what was really in the woods. It does get very strange and gruesome towards the end but if you love dark, chilling reads, it’s a definite winner for you!

[blogsanscontext]

A Closer Look at: Momoe Sawaki’s character arc; by a nonbinary (trans) viewer.

CW: Major spoilers for Wonder Egg Priority + mentions and discussion of sexual assault, transphobia, lesbophobia, self-harm; please proceed with caution.

Wonder Egg Priority came as a relatively pleasant surprise for me; I heard about it some time after the first few episodes aired, but I never actively went out of my way to ever try to watch it myself until, that is, a few days ago. I must say, I’m glad to have taken the initiative to experience such anime on my own.

With a stunning animation to accompany the heavy subjects this work touches on, I quickly fell in love with it; all the characters feel very grounded in reality, with their struggles (even someone like Neiru’s, who is a literal genius and CEO of her own company) feeling relatable in one way or another. Episode 7 became my favorite due to this very thing, Rika’s problems were things that not only have I seen in other works before, but that I know exist because of the stories told in the news every so often. It only helped, in my opinion, that they gave a character with her background such a hopeful ending.

That being said, Wonder Egg is not a perfect anime, and though I didn’t expect it to be in the first place, I do think talking about why some of the ways it handles a specific character of the main cast are problematic are worth the time. When I mentioned that “all the characters feel very grounded in reality”, I actually only meant three of them, a.k.a.: Ai, Rika and Neiru. The reason Momoe is not included in this group is what I will be discussing in the next paragraphs.

This anime lets you know, right off the bat, that it will not stray away from heavy subjects throughout the duration of its runtime; the show deals with suicidal idealization (and actual suicide as well as its aftermath; in fact, “female suicide” is at the very core of the show and is what essentially moves it forward), self-harm, sexual assault, same-sex relationships, transphobia, and being a gender noncomforming person in a society that punishes you for not adhering to the roles it has imposed on you since childhood. The last points are the ones I took issue with, however, and though they are mostly the show’s fault, they also took it upon themselves to make Momoe be at the center of all three.

See, when we are first introduced to Momoe, we can guess by context that she is a girl, however, the other characters aren’t aware of this fact yet, and so they seemingly go out of their way to call her a boy, which makes her deeply uncomfortable, and this (ie. her reaction to be treated or perceived as a boy) is a running theme throughout her arc. This, in itself, isn’t really the worst creative direction to take with a character, it’s a story that has been told time and time again, but there is a problem with the way Wonder Egg Priority specifically deals with it: Momoe is cisgender, and so far, there hasn’t been a sign of this changing whatsoever, so she will most likely remain cis until the show ends. Normally, a story about a gender noncomforming cis person wouldn’t be seen as anything out of the extraordinary, as I’ve mentioned before, but it seems that they wanted to… “innovate”, so to say, with her character. And it’s this innovation, in my opinion, that which makes Momoe’s struggles miss the mark for me.

Momoe is perceived, almost ridiculously so, as a boy by whoever even so much as stumbles upon her; her followers on Instagram most likely worship her because they’re under the impression that she’s a bishounen, and yet the show goes out of its way to deal with just how uncomfortable this makes her. This is the issue I take with her and her arc: the show has a keen awareness of AFAB people’s issues, and treats them with the respect they deserve (which is not to say some jokes at their expense aren’t made, but in general this tone is kept throughout the duration of the story), and yet the tone-deaf manner in which they deal with her issues feels… disappointing, to say the least.

Momoe’s struggles, though they are valid on their own, are not a societal issue, no matter how one may look at them; if she were a trans person (either a trans girl, boy, or nonbinary), the strong emphasis on her discomfort at being misgendered would have made so much more sense. The reason why ‘switching around’ the stereotype of a tomboy falls flat on its face is that there is no real pressure from society to present feminine, it’s what they want you to, or more accurately, force you to do if you’re perceived as being assigned female at birth; however, this is not where my issues with Momoe’s arc and character end.

At first, I imagined a variety of (albeit vague, still reasonable) reasons as to why this show couldn’t have just made Momoe be trans, and semi-understanding of this decision; that was, of course, until I watched the actual episode mostly focused on her struggles, and that’s when I got slightly mad. Being honest, I still think it was a good episode, and it definitely made Momoe seem way more sympathetic than any of her past appearances, but it also perfectly highlighted my problem with her, and subsequently, the show itself: using queer people’s actual, realistic, problems in order to push her, a cisgender character, forward.

The thing with Wonder Egg Priority is that I love how, despite all these girls literally risking their lives to save a specific person, they still seem to have conflicting feelings about them (ie. Rika’s mocking of Chiemi, Ai’s frustration towards Koito, etc.) but I also take issue with this when it comes to Momoe specifically; Haruka is very much intended to be seen as gay, yet when push comes to shove, we are supposed to be taking Momoe’s side in this conflict. We, the audience, see these events from her point of view, and are therefore made to feel, in one way or another, uncomfortable with Haruka’s attraction for her. Yes, Momoe has worked hard to bring her back to life, but the fact that she’s cis and heterosexual stands; this isn’t just exclusive to Haruka, however, but every egg she’s had to save in order to get her friend back. All of them express a clear attraction for Momoe, “despite her being a girl”, and it’s just very easy to read these attitudes as wlw-phobic, extremely so.

My biggest issue though lies within the very existence of Kaoru’s character, the trans boy she has to protect in the episode mainly focused on her; while he is an endearing and sympathetic character, and I like that despite him presenting ‘majorly female’, Momoe never misgenders him. The thing is: he’s made out to be almost a “parallel” of her own gender-related issues, and this is just a very tone-deaf statement to make; trans people fighting not to be misgendered, fighting to be called their chosen name (something Momoe, while being cis, can just freely enjoy) - trans people’s pain is very much real, which the show is aware of, but Momoe’s is very much an individual’s problem rather than the way society actually works, which Wonder Egg is seemingly unaware of, for whatever reason.

Before I arrive at my last point on why this comparison doesn’t work, I would like to quickly point out the fact that most, if not all, the eggs the girls have had to save until this point were specifically meant to be girls, in one way or another. Therefore, taking this into account, Kaoru makes me feel… a lot of things, the more time I spend thinking about it; the show acknowledges he’s a boy, though not cis of course, but still very much a boy, yet also places him in this very much ‘female’ space; no matter how I looked at it, I could find explanations both for an opinion in favor of this decision (the way a lot of trans men’s problems are defined by our patriarchal society seeing them as women) as well as some for an opinion against this decision (the fact that it could be read as the show ultimately deciding he’s ‘female-aligned’, etc.) and though I won’t be discussing this decision in-depth, I still possess that it’s an event worth examining from different lenses.

Now, onto the actual element that got me heated about Kaoru serving as a parallel to Momoe’s struggles: Kaoru was not only sexually assaulted by a man who’s always thought of him as a ‘pretty, delicate girl’, his death directly relates to the fact that he was abused and then impregnated by this man for not living up to his gross ideal of what a man and a woman are; contrast this to Momoe, who pretty much gets the treatment Kaoru would love to have: she’s pretty much right off the bat seen as a guy, she’s fawned over by women because of this fact as well, they literally call her ‘Momotaro’, etc. Taking all of this into account, it’s simply impossible for me to be okay with a comparison that ultimately decides a cisgender person’s discomfort is, in any sort of way, on equal grounds as a (might I remind you, dead) trans person’s basic human rights.

All in all, though her episode made me take a bigger liking to her character, it also served to almost perfectly highlight the very problem of her existence, as well as the “struggles” she’s intended to represent; I don’t hate Momoe in any sort of way, and though I know there must be someone somewhere who relates to her, I also think that they could’ve done something way more meaningful with her had they just made some changes that made her more realistic (as in, make her at least be LGBT rather than just cis and heterosexual); I will be patiently waiting for the finale, and who knows? Maybe something does change about her in the end, that would be even more of a pleasant surprise.

[ninja-bitch]

Yo ! Could you write please a nsfw headcanons for konan ,kakuzu,tsuande,hianta ,tenten and kaguya with a fem s/o😳

Hi! Thanks for your ask  <3 I will just put it out there but the first thing I’ve ever posted online was a Konan x Shizune fanfic.

Also Tenten can get it.

Again I tried to keep it gender neutral with some more things added for someone with a fem body love

They’re going to be a bit shorter than usual I think. You did hit the character limit, I might switch it to 4 later because I’m not happy with everything I wrote there and it took me some time. I don’t know...

Anyways, hope you like it <3

Kakuzu x reader HCs (NSFW)

Oh but can you just imagine how he’d eat someone out? Can you? Because I can and it gets nasty.

Seriously though, I don’t picture him as someone who’d have lots of sex, but I think he’s one of the best partners in the whole akatsuki. In terms of pleasure alone, he is an asshole too at the end of the day. But he’d be good.

Hear me out hear me out. It doesn’t happen often but if it has to he is going all in and that’s something. I think he’d be one of the most mature of the bunch and one to have at least some experience that goes with it. He’s been around, he’s seen some shit in his youth and it shows.

One to have the safest kinky sex despite being a murderer and shit. If he’s to have sex with someone he’ll probably want to keep them around and keep them interested. Not a lot of people try to come onto him. It does get nasty but also not too kinky unless they ask. He can do that.

He’d be on the classier side of kinky most of the time. Would not be opposed to slight roleplay and bondage but often cannot be bothered.

Not above spanking or spitting too. He would spit in someone’s mouth just because he can. He’d make it pretty dramatic. It’s pretty hot.

Ok but a good teacher when it comes to sex to be honest. I’ll say that he’s not that patient though but he’ll make you cum before him. This is his foreplay tbh, make them cum and then go to town.

Honestly one to have sex after a fight.  Oh but he’d look so calm and collected like a 100% of the time. It’s impressive.

Would appreciate his partner riding him. Especially if that wasn’t something he’d planned. Like he’s doing taxes or some shit and they just...y’know. Sucking him off is a huge ok too. He’d act grumpy though. Maybe scold them a bit but ultimately would let them.

He gets pretty rough. He’d bite his partner. Lots of grunts and some strong grip I think. That should do it. He doesn’t talk much.

Oh but about the eating someone out part, he’d definitely do that quite a lot. Yes. Would use his weirdass thread tongue and would not break eye contact. I think he would pay attention to the titty. Would pay attention to the ass too.

While having sex on a pile of money is something I’d like to imagine, he wouldn’t.

Tsunade x reader HCs (NSFW)

Ah ah. I want to say she’d be good but she’s probably one to have drunken one night stands that leave her pretty unsatisfied. I’m just putting it out there.

Tsunade would definitely be someone more dominant and would probably gets her partner to eat her out for hours on end though.

Not very loud but does talk a lot. She is pretty crude.

She doesn’t care for titties. But she expects attention on hers. She’s not that sensitive and it frustrates her a bit because she definitely likes the idea of having someone suck on them.

Knows her anatomy. Would be very good, very quick to make any partner cum just with her fingers. She’d go fast and deep.

Not opposed to having sex with multiple people.

Oh but she would be into pegging and using any toys if she had enough time.

Ok but you know she’d have sex in the Kage’s office. 

Has had partners in the past, definitely knows what she likes and want out of sex. She’s not opposed to having a younger more inexperienced partner.

I think she’d be very sloppy eating someone out. It sorts of bores her unfortunately. Unless they get very into it. She does like having someone close their legs around her face and just moan and whimper. 

I think. I think she would be into sex after a fight too. Just saying.

She would also be a huge tease. Like yeah you want to cum? Work for it. She’d act as if she wasn’t interested. 

Would like a partner to masturbate in front of her, while she’s just sipping wine or something.

Sexual board games are a thing.

Would like challenges. Think : Bet you can’t make me cum before Shizune comes back in here. Poor lady. Bet I can have you scream my name in the next 5 minutes. She always wins though.

She has lots of stamina.

Hinata x reader HCs (NSFW)

Hinata is curious and a bit kinky. I said what I said.

Doesn’t have any experience but once she’s comfortable enough with someone, oh boy. Surprisingly would take the lead if you let her just to try things out.

Awkward first times? Awkward first times, but make it funny as it should be, I think that would definitely help her feel more comfortable. Sex is awkward and she worries a lot but if she can laugh and let some of that anxiety go, it definitely feels better for her.

I think she likes tights and ass the most.

I don’t think she’s that loud but she lets out some very very hot moans sometimes and it’s all worth it. Would love praise and compliments when she does.

I think she has to really really love someone to have sex with them btw. Don’t mind me stating the obvious.

Her neck and ears are very sensitive. Lick there. See what happens.

Oh but she’d be very good at eating out a girlfriend. She’d overstimulate her partner without meaning to. She would focus a lot on her partner’s clit. I think her favourite thing would be to feel their legs trembling and have them cry out her name. She would moan while doing so. She’d be very proud if she managed to just make them cum over and over like that.

Very good at sensing when her partner feels good. A bit shy when it comes to her own pleasure.

She takes a lot of time to cum, because she’s embarrassed mostly and doesn’t easily let go. Sometimes she doesn’t. Not to say she doesn’t enjoy it, but sometimes it happens you know.  

She’s really put off by very dirty dirty talk. Again, she’d like praise and encouragements.

She likes seeing hickeys on her and her partner, but gets embarrassed after.

Would love anything that has to do with senses, like blindfolds, cold and hot play, that kind of thing.

She’d love to use toys too. Just to try.

Kaguya x reader HCs (NSFW)

So I’ll be honest I don’t have a lot of HCs for her.

I think she’s some very dramatic, cryptic alien lady. Sleeping with her would be something quite eerie and weird.

I’m thinking that her partner, after all that’s happened, could be a maid, or just some companion lady that lives there (I don’t know the proper term for it in english and I can’t find it so let’s just hope you guys see what I mean) → Lady in waiting?

I’m thinking that it could definitely happen like this. It would strictly be something physical and overall wouldn’t happen a lot. Like someone that sometimes tends to lady Kaguya’s needs.

Now there’s some power she has over them but she wouldn’t force anything on anyone.

I can’t help but think that she’d be a private person and would only let someone pleasure her, and then go on about her life. Nothing else.

Now, I could be wrong, I do think she has the potential to be a very intense steady lover.

I think she might also be able to take the lead and teach things to a younger maid she’s taken a liking to.

In that case she might be the type to not say much, take her partner’s hands and just guide them very slowly. She’d talk them through it but would have them tell her what they want. What they’d like to do to her.

I feel like she’d love her partner’s hands a lot. Just get down and dirty and have them holding onto her or their hands pleasuring her and caressing her.

Just putting it out there, I do feel like she’d be seduced by someone passionate but pretty discreet and very respectful.

I feel like she’d take her time licking someone’s body all over and praise them a lot. 

I also feel like she’d like her partner to get on top of her while they’re both sitting outside. Make out and talk with them.

Very very intense eye contact obviously. She’s a bit scary. But she’d reassure her partner. It would feel a bit cold though I will say that.

Overall doesn’t cum easily herself and isn’t horny that much. But will indulge from time to time.

But my question is, would she tie someone up with her hair?

Did it end up being as long as the rest of the bunch? I am a fraud and I want some.

Konan x reader HCs (NSFW)

Ah ah sit on my face.

Konan is not a very sexual person. At least to me. It gets very melancholic if you can call sex that. 

I think she’d have to trust the person she’s with.

I think she’d like slow and sensual sex. That being said, she could also go for rawer, harsher sex. It depends on her mood. If she feels very very upset or worried she’ll go for the latter in order to let go for a while. She won’t necessarily take the lead there though. But she will ask for that.

No but once that’s started, she’d be pretty adventurous with her S/O though.

Adventurous as in she could try tying them up or use toys. She would try to have sex in unusual places too. Nothing public though.

I feel like she could tease a partner. She has the potential.

Likes to have someone use both their tongue and fingers on her. 

Definitely likes to sit on people’s face. Definitely likes to have her partner sit on hers. I feel like she would love 69.

I feel like she’d love small titties. But that’s not necessarily true. 

She’d also be into kissing. She’d like to kiss people’s scars/stretch marks. Kiss their neck, shoulders, hands. I feel like she wouldn’t necessarily bite or leave hickeys. It would be a very light touch of her lips, everywhere.

I think she’d be one to praise a partner a lot. Confidence boost to be honest.

I feel like she could use her paper clones during sex.

I definitely think that she could get Pein to join. Sad sex galore though. It’s intense, passionate but also, you’d feel out of place at first. But I’m getting carried away.

I feel like she’d have sex in her bath too.

I feel like she could like a partner that can sometimes let go and give her control over them but that wouldn’t be opposed to doing that themselves. She’s all about reciprocation and equal give and take situations.

I think she tastes good and smells nice.

Tenten x reader HCs (NSFW)

Ah yes, the girlfriend.

Tenten is a more dominant partner. I do not take criticism.

Queen of taking care of pillow princesses. She’d love that. She wants her partners to feel great and that just gets her going.

But do I even need to say that she would use toys on her and her partners? Definitely less known ones too. Let her, she’s an expert. 

She’s very strong, she can lift you up and eat you out right then and there. Just watch her.

I feel like she’d want to try out very intricate positions with her partner. Think of any position where her parner isn’t touching the ground or has their head upside down. Nah but she lift anyone up come on.

She wouldn’t really care for lingerie though. It’s a bit disapointing if you made an effort. She’s just pulling it of without even taking a look.

I feel like she’d be very funny and light hearted during sex.  kinky but make it casual.

I think she’d like having sex after training or working. I think it definitely makes her horny. 

I think she’d get pretty nasty but would still keep it very light, like she could spit on your pussy and start eating it like it’s the best thing she’s ever done/had but still would laugh and talk while doing so WHAT IS IT ABOUT SPITTING AND THESE HEADCANONS I SWEAR

I think she’d ask her partner if they like what she’s doing a lot and then tease them.

I feel like she’d be very quick to pick up on someone’s more hidden kinks too. She’d play along just because she wants them to have a good time. She’s pretty open, she’s ready to hear and try lots of things.

I feel like she’d love to have someone eat her out while she’s standing. She likes feeling their hands keep her steady and pulling their hair a bit.

I feel like she’d be good at aftercare and making anyone feel satisfied.

Would have quickies and would have very very long sessions, she’s ok with anything. She has the stamina.

Again I do see her as someone who’d manhandle their partner a bit. She’d warn them and pick up their mood quite quickly too. If they need very fast and raw sex, she’s here to provide.

A pleaser more than anything I think.

[morwensteelsheen]

farawyn and borodred for the ship ask game thing?

thank you so much!! :)

okay i’ll start with borodred because for some unfathomable reason i actually got there first —

1. What made you ship it?

One of my favourite Types of ships is the Elder Statesmen Of War-type set-ups, where it’s less about people brought together through theatrical romantic gestures and more about the steadiness of people who are going through similar (immensely difficult) circumstances, who know that in their hearts they’re always going to put their duty to that cause first, but still seek out human comfort in other people who will understand what their priorities are and why.

I think there’s also a lot of similarities about the kind of helplessness they both face despite having this tremendous innate strength. Both of them still have to deal with family dynamics that are complex (made more complex by the war) and that can’t be fixed just by their own sheer will power; both of them die these utterly unnecessary deaths (not that death makes a ship but I think in this instance it actually points to the constant tragedy these guys face); and both of them are meant to be the principal figures of their families and people and are ultimately sidelined by the cruel mechanisations of war and the forward march of history or whatever wanky term there is for it — my apologies to ep thompson's ghost, dont haunt me bro.

Plus there’s obviously the interesting thread raised when Faramir starts bitching about Gondor and likens Gondor (and by very explicit extension, Boromir) to Rohan. That always made me go ‘Hmmmmmm, wonder what else Boromir liked about Rohan,’ lmao.

Anyways for me the ship is the equivalent of Star Wars’ Kanan and Hera or (my OTP to end all others) Luke and Wedge, just people getting by on love and duty and without big ol fancy romance.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

The fanon, I think, really makes it, as with so many other LOTR ships. battlefield manners, by themightypen is essentially the definitive take for me on them — these two guys who are just so fucking exhausted, man, but still overcome by defensive love for their families, even if their (foster-)siblings are naïve fools. That I just love, love, love. Plus I think they’re unique for their ability to pretty comfortable explore the relationship between Gondor & Rohan in advance of the Ring War without having to stray too far into AU, which I always appreciate.

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Not really, tbh, except in that I don’t think Boromir is necessarily as laddy as people like to portray him. I’m happy to play into it in, say, my modern AUs because I think that’s a fun and sweet niche for him, but I am a bit 🤪 about Boromir as this kind of reckless, drunken playboy (not least because I think that’s a much funnier niche for Faramir to fill, at least when he’s younger). Chapter Four of Swaddledog’s Hearts and Minds gets my preferred Boromir characterisation absolutely spot on, I think.

And now, sigh, the ultimate OTP, Farawyn —

1. What made you ship it?

For starters, I think I am obsessed with Éowyn in a way I’ve never quite been obsessed with any other fictional character. I came to reading LOTR at this moment in my life where I was intensely frustrated about everything — trapped inside permanently (helplessly!) because of the pandemic, just starting a new political organisation that I truly believed in but that was still making me feel like shit, facing down an untenable about of work, and, fundamentally, really, really hating being a woman and what that means. And along comes Éowyn, who is bitter, who is cold, who is ANGRY, and who doesn’t perform joy or softness or gentleness just because people expect her to. She’s this seminal Woman Of War in so many ways, I think the kind of person a lot of us wish we could be. She’s got her emotional taps cut off at the source, she holds her head high and faces down unimaginable personal and political terrors, and at the end of it all still has this abiding love for her family that, I would argue, is almost unparalleled by anyone else in the book.

After all that, she gets this incredible moment of emotional catharsis (or what we expect to be emotional catharsis): “no living man am I!” She undertakes THE greatest martial act of the Ring War, and in that moment there’s this unbelievably sophisticated dialogue happening about gender (“Éowyn it was, and Dernhelm also”), and leadership (Merry finding his courage not because of the immediate scenario of the Witch-king, but because he’s spurred into it by Éowyn’s presence), and love and care.

And then we learn that no, actually, this glorious act of violence wasn’t the emotional catharsis we thought it would be. She gets to ride to war, she gets to throw herself headlong at death, and in the end that hopeless act of individualism isn’t really what does it for her. She’s still left desolate and despairing, and actually all of her problems haven’t gone away.

And then we need to rewind a bit, because along comes Faramir, who is gentle, and is kind, and does seem to believe in joy, but not because people expect it — actually it's made abundantly clear nobody expects it — but because it’s something quite innate to how he figures the world. And he’s a huge fucking nerd too. I have a lot of thoughts on Faramir’s flaws and why I find them endearing, which I won’t put here, but almost immediately you get this sense of a guy who’s quite melodramatic, good humoured, and very much not made to live in a time of war.

But he’s also clear-headed about war and what it requires (tactically, if not strategically, though that’s a post for another day), but who is kind of cynical and weary of it in his own unique way. And it’s a unique cynicism given his personal circumstances because he’s the second son of The great family of Gondor, he’s apparently — though with some big ol’ question marks hanging about the extent — very able to command some of the elite units in the realm, and what’s more than that, he’s got all these fantastical powers (the light mind reading to start, to say nothing of this apparently magical ability to command animals too. bruh.). By all accounts he should be this brazen hot mess, but he’s not. He’s desperate to claw his way out of this war-torn cage of expectation his people have for how a man should comport himself in time of war. Is it a little naïve? Sure. A little fussy? Absolutely. But does it point to that same desperation that Éowyn has? Yes! But also the practicality, like, neither of them are really enjoying the circumstances they live under, but good fucking god are they both able to Make It Work.

So finally we get to the Houses of Healing and what is the finest and most aggressively romantic writing of LOTR. Seriously, it’s so fucking much. It’s breathtaking. It reminds me quite viscerally of this fabulous quote from Les Mis:

The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now to say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only.

At some point I will devote more time to talking about the two reasons line, and the blissful Queen of Gondor speech, but I think to me that big, important line is: “And then her heart changed, or at least she understood it; and the winter passed, and the sun shone upon her.”

It’s not about Éowyn changing herself entirely (though, I think, it really does bear mentioning that she does change, and that’s every bit as important to understanding that scene as it is romantic), it’s about Éowyn coming to terms with how to live with herself as herself, and how to live in communion with someone else. She can’t just cut people out anymore, and she can’t just treat them as objects of infatuation as she did with Aragorn, she has to reckon with people as they are. And that’s sort of the moment where I knew I was about to plunge fully off the deep end with these two and never know a moments’ peace again, lmao.

2. What are your favorite things about the ship?

Someone on here once called Farawyn a love letter to women and, by god, yes, exactly that. I love the capacity for emotional intimacy, that is beautiful in ways I can’t express. To me, though, my favourite thing is the promise of life they speak of. Not as in oh they shag loads and have babies (though not opposed to that, obviously), but in the sense that unlike Aragorn and Arwen, who are always going to be buried under/burdened with the crushing weight of history and tradition, Éowyn and Faramir are going out yonder those hills and they’re going to do some real cottagecore farming shit. Obviously with all the trappings of rank and nobility and whatnot, but they, unique to anybody else in the books, get to sow this new idea of what life should be. They are, outside of Aragorn, the single most powerful people in Gondor. Éowyn’s got the ear of a king, a steward (which is essentially a prime-ministerial deal here), and functionally her own prince (if the hobbits are to be believed when they refer to it as essentially hers). I suspect that, in life, there were remarkably few arguments she wasn’t winning, and that Ithilien probably trended towards the jumped up noble hippie camp Tolkien so desperately wanted Oxford to be (or, in other words — Cambridge, lol).

3. Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

Yeah, man, everybody stop treating Faramir like he’s a big fucking crybaby and Éowyn like she’s some kind of shrieking 2010-era tumblr girl.

One of the single most important lines defining Faramir’s character is when Denethor roasts his ass for always trying to appear noble and lordly, if you ignore every other piece of textual evidence we have about him, what part of that line makes you think Faramir’s some simpering daisy? And why would you want to link tremendous emotional intelligence and care with being too limp-wristed to function, lol??? Like I struggle loads with writing Faramir, because I have never once in my life tried to be noble or self-restrained, so find it hard to get into that mindset, but better, I think, to imagine him too closed off than to do this wilting flower song and dance lmao.

And stop making Éowyn out to be this over-emotional angst machine. She’s got problems, yes, and she’s sure as shit got a lot of angst, but at almost every point in the book where we’re overtly dealing with her emotions, she’s sublimating them into something else. One of the most serious times we see her cry is when she’s fighting with Aragorn about riding out, and after that moment she literally tries to kill herself. Those tears aren’t standard, man, that’s a real watershed (lol) moment for her. You have to read around what the text is saying to get a better feel why everybody’s constantly calling her cold and distant.

[klvbxlove]

finally (chie x american! gn! reader)

a/n: i’ve got another persona 4 drabble. this time it’s dedicated to another cousin of mine, matt. i hope you like this, i lowkey had fun writing it! i think it’s now the longest drabble i’ve written so far (it has, i think, 400 more words than my yosuke one, damn). i do plan on writing a rise drabble for my other cousin, chuck, soon, but i also kinda wanna write a kanji drabble. idk which one to start off with, so i’ll see what my mind decides. but anyways, enjoy this drabble! :)

reader type: gender neutral

reader specification(s): reader is from america and is also a bit flirty LOL

genre(s): fluff, romance

trigger warning(s): none

summary: as much as chie loved being with you, she was saddened by the fact that you lived in america, which is far away from japan. however, one day you give her a surprise, one that she wasn’t expecting at ALL

word count: 2.9k words

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

key:

(e/c) = eye color (f/a) = favorite anime (f/c) = favorite color (n/n) = nickname (y/n) = your name

♡ ♡ ♡ (ꈍᴗꈍ)ε｀*) ♡ ♡ ♡

   It started with Chie meeting you online after finding out you were a fan of (F/A), an anime series she had recently started watching. Having been in love with it for years, you were glad to find someone else (regardless of whether you met them online or in real life) who also loved it as much. 

   Then it slowly progressed into the both of you talking about everything besides (F/A) almost constantly. Every day, whenever you woke up, whenever you were waiting for school to start, whenever you were about to go to bed. Hell, even when you were out with your friends, the both of you found ways to text each other! Also, both of you may or may not have stayed up on school nights to continue the conversations.

   Conflicted feelings eventually showed up at the front door months later, when the both of you realized you had crushes on each other but had no idea how to bring it up. Neither of you originally wanted to confess in fear that you would be rejected, and the friendship would end up tensing up (cliché, I know). But ultimately, the two of you got over that fear and eventually ended up in a relationship.

   And that is where the two of you are at now.

   Now, here was the thing. It was not as if there were any major problems throughout your and Chie’s relationship. It was quite healthy, to say the least! 

   So what was wrong?

   Chie lived in Japan, and you lived in America. 

   Those were different countries and two different continents. 

   Even before entering a relationship, the two of you initially had some difficulty having the time to chat with each other due to the huge time zones. It was especially hard since both of you were high school students who had to focus on their education. Although like troopers, the both of you managed to deal with the time difference and found time to talk. 

   And of course, Chie could not forget to mention this was not only her first relationship but her first long-distance relationship. It sucked not being able to see you every day (not including face-time calls. Sure, she has seen your face, but not in real life). Chie was not one to constantly watch couples. However, when she did, she could not help the slight jealousy in her eyes. She had no idea if she would ever get the chance to get a ticket to America or vice-versa. 

   All Chie could do, whenever she missed you badly, was to sulk. There was no other way to do it. Was it healthy? Probably not. How was she supposed to help herself? But then again, it was not her fault she had been raised in Japan her entire life. Same as you, you have been in America for a while now. And the both of you certainly could not help the fact that you were miles away from each other. 

   Of course, that was not enough to stop Chie from being sad about it from time to time. She had a feeling she would not see you anytime soon.

-

   The short brown-haired female found herself sitting alone on the bench, scrolling through her phone. Out of everyone in the Investigation Team, Chie was the only one who did not feel like going to the restroom. So she insisted on waiting for them outside. Although, that was not the only reason. She did not want any of them catching her reading her text messages with you and questioning why she was smiling. 

   But then Chie remembered one time Yosuke had caught her doing that. Yeah, he was the first (and unfortunate) person. As he had continued to tease her, she eventually got irritated and took out that irritation by kicking Yosuke right in his scrotum area. (**)

   Oh God, she just had to bite the inside of her cheek. She was already seeing him riving in pain on the ground as he held the affected area and the rest of their friend group looked on in either confusion or concern. Hmph, served him right!

   Scrolling up towards the older texts, Chie was reading a conversation she had with you. It was about how you wanted to visit her in Inaba and explore the town. 

   Chie: I mean, of course, I’m down to you coming here and meeting me. But let me warn you, Inaba is a bit boring. I don’t think you could even compare it to other places like Tokyo or Osaka.

   (Y/N): Babe, I don’t mind at all! And besides, you know I’m willing to visit any part of Japan, not just Tokyo. I’m like head over heels with Japan at this point BWAHAHAHA

   Chie: I think everyone knows. But knowing you, I think you would especially want to go to Akihabara.

   (Y/N): Hey, stop calling me out!

   Chie: You know it’s true (N/N). Eh, not that I blame you. They got cool stuff there. It would be nice to visit sometime.

   (Y/N): For sure! We should go together, too ;)

   Jeez, even reading old texts you sent Chie always managed to make her blush! Although they were not the only reasons for her blushing, besides your flirtatious remarks. On a few occasions, you would poke fun at her (Not in a way to make her upset, of course). You were lucky that Chie considered you more tolerable compared to Yosuke. 

   She could already imagine herself not bothered by you teasing her about something like how Yosuke did. And when Yosuke would see, he would ask, “Oh, so (Y/N) can tease you, but I can’t?! WHERE’S THE LOGIC IN THAT, CHIE?!”

   Oh, wait. Chie looked up. Now that she realized, she had not told anyone in the Investigation Team about her relationship with you. No, it was not because she was ashamed. Well, it was more of the fact that she did not have a logical explanation. 

   Was it because she could not find the time to tell everyone? Maybe.  

   Or was it because she knew that some of them might not even believe her? 

   Looking up from her phone, the brown-haired girl saw everyone else heading in her direction. As she stood up, placed her phone in the back pocket of her shirts, and followed the rest of the team, she thought, ‘There will be a day where I can introduce (Y/N) to everyone. One day. And I’ll be sure to do it!’

-

   INCOMING CALL: (Y/N)

   Chie immediately sat up from her bed at the sudden sound ringing. Her first instincts were to assume someone had broken into her room. However, those instincts vanished when she looked over at her nightstand and saw that it was her phone making that sound. When Chie looked at the screen, her eyes lightened in excitement upon seeing what it read. 

   “(Y/N)!” She said after picking up the phone.

   “Hey, Chie,” you answered over the line. Said girl could never get tired of hearing your voice. “How’s my favorite girl doing?”

   Chie could feel the blood rushing towards her cheeks again. You were not one to call her many pet names. But when it comes to you referring to her as “your girl”? Do you even realize the effect you have on her?! She was lucky she was not like this when she was sneakily texting you next to the Investigation Team! 

   “I--” she cleared her throat, “--I’m good, thanks!” 

   You chuckled over the phone. “You know, for a sec it sounded like you were getting flustered again. Don’t hide it, Chie. I know you sometimes clear your throat when I see those cute cheeks turn pink!”

   “H-Hey, shut up!” Chie retorted. If this was an anime, she was sure she would have had a tick mark above her head. “Why do you always tease me whenever I blush? I don’t get it, (Y/N),” 

   “It’s ‘cause you’re so cute, baby.”

   ‘STOP. OH MY GOD, PLEASE!’

   It wasn’t exactly helping that Chie had made some weird sound at what you had said. And it wasn’t any better by the fact that she heard you snickering. “Jeez, if you were an anime character, even though you don’t act like one, you would surely be a tsundere!” 

   “(Y/N),” Chie gritted her teeth. To hide her flustered form, she acted as if she was angry. “I swear to God I will...get back for you one day.”

   “Get back? Hmm? If I didn’t know any better, I thought you were going to say, ‘I will kick your ass.’ Is my girl getting too flustered now? How cute.”

   “Grrr, (Y/N)...” Damn it, Chie wanted to fight back against you. Sometimes (or more like, a majority of the time), you were way TOO MUCH to handle! You knew how to get her going, that was for sure. 

   “Alright, enough about that,” you spoke up, the teasing tone in your voice already gone. “I wanted to call you ‘cause I got a surprise!”

   At that, Chie’s eyes lit up in slight interest. “A surprise?”

   “Yep! I’ve been planning it for a few months so I can get it right. And now I think it’s the perfect opportunity to give it to you!”

   The surprise was more intriguing than learning about a new steak meal at Junes and practically drooling over how it would taste. Chie could not hold back her excitement anymore. “What is it, (Y/N)?!”

   “Ah, ah, ah! I can’t tell you what it is. You’ll have to find out for yourself, babe.” you snickered. 

   “Oh, come on!” Chie grumbled. “You know I can’t do that. You’ve gotta at least give me a hint! Just one hint! 

   “Well, how about this,” you suggested. “Just open your front door, and you’ll see it right then and there.”

   Okay, that was a bit suspicious. Chie raised her eyebrow. It was not as if she had little to no faith in you when it came to surprises. Coming outside to the front door, though? Just what were you planning? “Are you sure?” she asked. “You’re kinda weirding me out,” 

   “Just trust me on this!” you said. “I’m not trying to do anything creepy, I promise. Come on, Chie. Just open your front door.” 

   “Fine,” the short brown-haired female gave in, sitting up from her bed and exciting her bedroom. Maybe Chie was feeling a bit too doubtful about this. For all she knew, you must have sent her something like an anime figurine of her favorite character. Or even better, maybe you ordered her some food and had it sent to her front door! 

   “Okay, I’m at the front door,” Chie spoke over the phone as soon as she arrived. With her free hand, she unlocked the handle before fully opening it.

   And what did she see? Just someone wearing a (F/C) shirt (Chie was sure that was your favorite) and carrying a backpack. In one of their hands was a suitcase, and they had a smile on their face. 

   Chie was extremely confused. Did she invite someone to come over to her house for a sleepover? She did not remember, nor did she think she ever did. She highly doubted that this was the surprise you were mentioning. 

   A few seconds of silence passed before the person snickered. “What’s with the confused look?” they asked. Their voice sounded so familiar, but who was it? “Oh, come on. Don’t tell me you don’t recognize your s/o! You’re breaking my heart over here, Chie!”

   Wait a minute.

   Wait a Goddamn minute.

   That voice. 

   That familiar smile.

   Her eyes widened.

   There was no way. Was this real? Was she dreaming? If so, someone needs to knock her out right now! 

   And she meant RIGHT NOW!

   Chie almost dropped her phone on the floor. “(Y-Y/N)?” she spoke up. 

   Their smile-- no, your smile grew a bit. “Yep, that’s me!” you nodded. “Live in the flesh, and not just some photo on a screen.” 

   ‘So it was you, holy shit!’ 

   Chie could not believe it. Her mind was feeling so many things. One part of her accepted the fact that this was real. But the other part of her was in disbelief. Chie had no idea what to do at this point. Besides, she already knew she must have looked foolish right now, and you were there to see it in real life. 

   And then the tears came. 

   Chie could no longer control herself. She practically jumped out towards you and wrapped her arms around you. She almost knocked you to the ground, but luckily you only stumbled backward a bit before balancing yourself. “Y-You finally came!” she sobbed into your chest. “You’re real! You’re right here, oh my God! I-I’m not dreaming, right?! Please tell me I’m not!!”

   Meanwhile, your heart felt like it was being pulled on tug strings watching your girlfriend cry out of happiness. You wrapped your arms around her waist to complete the hug and rubbed her back soothingly. “You’re not dreaming, darling,” you reassured Chie, “I’m right here. After many, many months, I’m right here.”

   Chie pulled away for a bit, wiping her tears with the sleeves of her sweater before looking up at you with a tear-stained smile. “I never thought the day would come when I get to see you right in front of me,” she said, “I thought it wouldn’t even be possible, either! You’re here, at my house. Speaking of which--” 

   Then the realization hit her, “--How did you even get my address? Because I don’t think I ever gave it to you after months of knowing you.” 

   “Well,” you scratched the back of your head sheepishly. You were somewhat scared that Chie was going to question it, but now she did. 

   “Please don’t kill me when I say this. But I talked to one of your friends, Yosuke, and I told him about my relationship with you. After a while, I tried to bring up the suggestion of wanting to visit you after I realized I have a chance of going to Japan. Then he gave me your address, and I kept it. Then as soon as I arrived in Inaba, I went to your house. I know that sounds so creepy. I’m sorry!”

   Chie would have kicked Yosuke’s ass (literally) if he ever did something like that. She would never approve of him giving any stranger her address, especially without her permission. And she would have kicked your ass for coming to her house as well. Chie would want you to consider yourself lucky since she understood where her friend was coming from, so there was no anger in her body. 

   Oh yeah, and it seems like Yosuke already knows about you and Chie. He better not have told anyone else on the Investigation Team. She was planning to do it very soon.

   “Don’t worry, I get it,” she said. “If getting my address from one of my friends meant that you got to see me, then I don’t mind at all!” 

   You were expecting Chie to yell at you about how creepy that was. After being shocked at her calm reaction for a while, the feeling disappeared, and you smiled, patting her head. “Thanks, babe. I appreciate it.

   “Oh, and by the way,” Chie spoke up. “Now that you’re here and not just on a screen, I’d like to do one thing with you. 

   Puzzled, you tilted your head. “What is it?”

   A smirk appeared on her face. “I want to kiss you!”

   Your eyes widened a bit. Now it was your turn to feel flustered (you could already feel it in your cheeks). You were not opposed to the matter, as you could understand why Chie would want to do it. You had no idea why you were feeling nervous in the first place. You cleared your throat. “Well, alright. I don’t mind,” you smiled. 

   “Oh wow, you’re getting flustered now, aren’t you? I guess this is karma for all the times you’ve made me flustered.” Chie snickered. 

   You sighed. Somehow you had a feeling that your girlfriend would say something like that. But you decided to brush that aside for now.

   Rewrapping your arms around her waist, you slowly inched towards her face. Both of your eyes closed at the same time as she placed her hands on your shoulders. It almost felt like an eternity for the moment to finally happen. 

   And then, the moment happened. Your lips connected into a kiss. 

   You instantly realized how soft her lips were, and you had to admit it felt amazing. You almost considered not pulling away for a while. Both of you did not want this to escalate into some steamy make out session, so you kept it slow. But there was a feeling of love and passion in it. You could feel the bliss coming into the atmosphere. 

   Seconds passed, and both you and Chie pulled away. You smiled. “God, do you know how long I wanted to do that?” you asked softly, caressing her cheek. 

   “I could ask you the same thing, (Y/N),” Chie answered. “I waited for so long, and I thought it would never happen in a few years. But now it has, and I’m so happy.” She rested her head against your chest to feel your heartbeat. “Thank you. Thank you for coming here,” 

   “Of course, Chie,” you whispered, running your fingers through her hair.

   At this point, you would have asked if Chie would let you inside her house. But you did not care about that right now. All you were thinking of was hugging Chie and never letting go. You were almost tearing up just thinking of the fact that you had been in a relationship with Chie over a long distance for months. It had been months where you two could not even have your first kiss or any affection. 

   And here you are now. Hey, you (unfortunately) might not be in Japan for too long, but it was better than not visiting at all. As long as you were able to spend every single second with your girlfriend, you were as happy as they could be.

-

(**) lowkey feel bad about hurting yosuke like this, but i felt like i just had to LMAO 

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

I always enjoyed seeing the contrast between tianshan and zhanyi. for example the christmas special and the spa, the couples are so different In their dynamic yet they are so lovable, what do you hope to see happening in the future for the boys?

Good evening, dear anon-san!

Future-related questions have probably been the most asked ones, so I’ve already talked about my visions and headcanons for both Tianshan and Zhanyi a few times. You might want to check out the following asks:

Tianshan being physical in the future

What if HT disappeared?

Could HT fall in love with someone else in the future?

Future Tianshan from MGS’s perspective

Will there ever be a Tianshan confession?

Will Tianshan be long-distance?

My take on future Zhanyi

Will HT be able to keep MGS safe in the future?

My Tianshan “timeline”

But I feel like your question was still slightly different from the ones I’ve already answered, so I browsed through the comic again. I picked character and relationship traits that I wish will keep developing or stay the same in the future. But for more comprehensive takes, I recommend checking out the asks listed above. 

Let’s begin!

In the future of Tianshan, I wish...

...MSG will tell his mother about his relationship with HT (ch. 177):

I feel like Mrs. Mo would be shocked at first, perhaps even conflicted but ultimately she would come to be happy for her son. She knows it’s not easy to get close to him, so if someone has slipped under the rope, they’re probably someone she could approve of and trust her child to. If her son has let someone get close enough to develop feelings for them, the gender is irrelevant. Also, their relationship strikes me as the kind that MGS would be able to tell her if such time ever comes.

...MGS’s quiet “idiot” will keep occurring (ch. 185, 243):

MGS is the kind of a tsundere that will patch you up or keep you from killing yourself while scolding you softly. In his mind, HT can’t be all right in the head if he’s so eager to fight and get hurt for MGS. It’s not something MGS is used to. A part of MGS is scared of such devotion and, even more worryingly, scared for HT but it also feels kind of nice and safe. It makes him feel complicated feelings, and all the conflict and concern comes out in a softly uttered “idiot” as he watches HT standing up for someone like him.

Also, if HT thinks MGS will just listen to him and run like a coward from his own damn fight, he’s sorely mistaken. Fuck that damsel in distress crap, they’re going to run together.

..MGS will come to trust that he’s not fending for himself (ch. 188):

It’s good that he wants to be independent, but there are pretty impressive people around him if he ever needs someone to rely on. Despite how little MGS thinks of himself, they’re ready to raise hell for him.

...when HT looks at MGS like that and says that, it will one day send good kind of shivers down MGS’s back (ch. 200):

Not that MGS will comply, of course. He won’t just bend over when HT snaps his fingers. But that look in HT’s eyes will give MGS something to look forward to.

...HT will keep looking at MGS with admiration and pride (ch. 210, 263, 305):

I doubt not many people have ever looked at MGS like that. When others see a good-for-nothing delinquent, HT sees someone who will never give in or back down. He won’t sneak behind your back. He’s strong. There is so much good in the angry red ball of fluff, but people mistakenly judge him solely based on his looks and reputation. HT and others could stand to become more like MGS.

...MGS will get more compliments (ch. 210, 290):

...HT will always come back (ch. 224, 254):

I believe Tianshan will be a long-distance whatever-you-wanna-call-it in the future. They will be separated most of the time, but their connection is stronger than ever before. HT will always come back, and MGS will always wear the black studs.

I recently read a beautifully written KiriBaku fic (X) that had an interesting paragraph:

The line. They serenaded it like fools with nothing to lose. As Kirishima puts it, the whole world and you. The whole world and Bakugou. Every damn thing that could matter to Kirishima on one side, and Bakugou on the other. 

I was kind of taken aback by the idea of putting a line between the world and this one person. “The whole world and you”. In the fic, the meaning was a bit different, but I feel like that would also apply to future Tianshan.

HT is the line, the barrier, between everyone and everything else and MGS. It’s his way of protecting and keeping MGS safe. But it also marks the duality of HT’s life, especially if he ends up working with his family in the future. MGS has to be kept separate from everything else, and HT is a different person when he’s in MGS’s side of the line. 

“The whole world and you” is both beautiful and sad.

...MGS will always be there (ch. 228)

I don’t know what would happen if HT ever lost MGS for good. 

...HT will always have a “safe place” with MGS (ch. 255, 291, 313):

Tired and weary. Starving for contact and closeness. Recharging after being away. It doesn’t matter what HT is needing, he will feel secure and safe enough with MGS to ask for them. He won’t necessarily get what he’s asking for but at least he can show those sides and needs.

...MGS will keep earning HT’s trust (ch.259):

Not that it would be in MGS’s nature to turn his back on others when they’re in need of serious help. But I want him to keep being his caring self especially for HT. I want MGS to awkwardly and a bit clumsily hold HT’s balled fists and grumpily say he better not die on him because that would result in a shitton of unnecessary paperwork.

...MGS will keep showing his confused face (ch. 273, 307, 313):

When he doesn’t quite know what to say or how to act. When he’s debating admitting something to HT or to himself. I want him to keep having conflicted feelings because it means the way he’s seeing his relationship with HT is developing. When MGS doesn’t have a curse launched on the tip of his tongue or it suddenly gets stuck somewhere, it’s a good sign. He’s at a crossroads.

...MGS will keep surprising HT (ch. 273, 284, 309):

...MGS will show confidence again (ch. 283):

I will never get tired of MGS’s calm and confident expression. He had thought something over and made his decision. And those decisions carry infinitely more weight than his grumblings and curses. I really hope we’ll get to see such resolve in the future, too.

...HT will keep getting better at communicating (ch. 295, 297):

I firmly believe that communication will be one of the biggest problems in their relationship in the future. It’s difficult for both of them but in HT’s case, its downside is often physical roughness or going overboard otherwise.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I still want those kinds of troubles to always be a part of their relationship because it makes them more complex and realistic. I don’t want them to be a perfect couple but actually prefer a twirl of darkness to always be there. But that doesn’t mean they can’t get better at it.

...HT will learn to say “I’m sorry” (ch. 303):

Again, I don’t wish HT to lose his edge. I want him to remain dark, pushy and mischevious but also be able to recognize when he’s overstepped. It doesn’t have to be “I’m sorry” necessary but some kind of sign he’s feeling bad. I think HT apologizing with some affection is also a way for him to show MGS his softer side.

...they will have these kinds of conversations (ch. 305):

No screaming, no cursing. Just them in a dim room and talking, getting to know each other. No emotional heart-to-hearts but rather HT showing genuine interest and MGS feeling like someone is taking his words seriously. I want MGS to say something and HT to be taken aback by what an amazing, outstanding person MGS truly is. 

...HT will keep looking at MGS’s ass like that (ch. 206)

Not that I think he wouldn’t keep appreciating MGS’s fine behind but I want to see him appreciating it. I want to see MGS’s butt make HT grin.

...MGS will keep believing in himself (ch. 313):

I’ve talked about that panel before. MGS had been looked down not only by other students but the teachers as well. And that’s pretty damn heartbreaking. It doesn’t have to be school and studying, but I want MGS to do something that shows all the teachers were wrong about him.

In the future of Zhanyi, I wish... 

...JY will never stop standing up for his friends (ch. 179, 185):

JY has the kind of explosive, oblivious courage that I can’t help but admire. Physically he’s the weakest of the four but not any less fierce. He’s the kind of friend who forgets to think things through when he’s stepping in. A brave idiot all of us should have on our side.

...JY and ZZX will always be together (ch. 198, 258, 297, 313):

We already JY will be gone when he’s kidnapped, and I already dread how badly they will handle the separation despite knowing they will be reunited. Compared to Tianshan, Zhanyi isn’t a long-distance relationship because these two need to have each other close. Being apart just isn’t an option because it will feel like a part of your very soul is missing.

...this will happen (ch. 207):

One day they’re laying in bed and ZZX looks at JY. He’s in the middle of babbling about something that happened that day. A bit confused by the intense stare, JY quiets down and smiles.

“What?” he says, and ZZX can hear the familiar sunshine in his voice.

JY’s fair skin looks soft to touch, and his eyes are so in love with ZZX it’s overwhelming. Without even realizing he’s moving, ZZX reaches to brush the unruly wisps of hair and tuck them behind JY’s ear. JY’s almost non-existent eyebrows shot up, and he freezes under the touch. ZZX thinks he even stops breathing for a while.

“Nothing.”

That. I want that to happen one day.

...ZZX will get more jealous (ch. 224):

JY gets even more touchy-feely than usual when he’s drunk. And it’s annoying to the max when JY drunkenly clings to ZZX but for some reason, it’s even more annoying when JY is like that with other people.

I want to see more of ZZX silently pouting in the background.

...JY will have surges of sudden happiness (ch. 224):

I don’t know how to explain that feeling exactly but I’ve always called them “surges of sudden happiness”. When you’re doing something completely ordinary but suddenly, you’re interrupted by this feeling of...”damn, I’m really happy right now, right in this moment”. It doesn’t last long but it doesn’t have to.

I want JY to look at ZZX and have that moment. When you’re looking at the person you’re in love with and think “damn, that person makes me so happy and I want to cherish them for the rest of my life”. He’s overcome by sappiness and affection and nothing else than showing it to ZZX matters at that moment.

As much as I love Tianshan, I need the fluffy cotton candy of Zhanyi to take my sappiness out on something.

...JY will become strong (ch. 280, 313, 314):

It’s not that I don’t want ZZX to protect him. I want JY to become strong for his own sake. He’s always felt inferior when it comes to physical strength and standing up for himself, and I want him to become better at it. I want him to start putting in the work and not feel like a weakling anymore. Even if it meant he can run away faster.

...JY will never stop being like this (ch. 259, 296):

And I always want ZZX to stand in the background, doing a facepalm and thinking “God, I love him so much”.

...JY can keep looking at ZZX like this (ch. 297):

JY is so stupidly straightforward when he’s happy, it makes my heart into soft, pink goo. He gives some of the softest, most loving and adoring looks in the comic, and I never want him to stop.

Overall, I most definitely agree that Tianshan and Zhanyi are vastly different kinds of relationships. That’s why I don’t expect them to end up the same way either. I believe they will both be happy in the way that suits their respective dynamics; Zhanyi being fluffy and gentle, Tianshan being more angsty and less conventional meaning of “happy”.

Thank you for your question, dear anon-san!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #454

“last thing i remember, i was running for the door  /  i had to find the passage back to the place i was before”

Last thing you bought online? Did you like it? I have no clue. Could you date someone who didn’t drive (and didn’t show an interest in ever getting their license, either)? I don't know. Public transportation isn't a big thing here at all, and even whenever I get my license, my partner needing to get somewhere while I'm needed elsewhere could be problematic. I think it would also depend on why they don't want their license. Like if they had a traumatic wreck, I couldn't blame them. How would you react if your artwork became famous? That'd be fucking amazing. Would you get your nipples pierced? I've briefly considered it. I ultimately wouldn't, though. How many people know your birthday? Without the assistance of Facebook, a few, I guess. My immediate family, Sara, uhhhh... Has anyone ever tried to ruin a relationship you were in? Yes, and it worked. For the better, though. He had a bad reputation. Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial? Ha, yes, this one time with Girt. It was a vacuum infomercial. We were just really bored at my place and... okay, I have no justification for watching that whole thing lmao. What is your current MySpace song? I still remember it was "Pocketful of Sunshine" by Natasha Beddingfield lmaooo. What is your favorite kind of meat to put on your sandwich? Ham. Which one of your exes do you feel like you have the most chemistry with? Sara or Jason, idk. How do you feel about people who make Facebook profiles for their pets? I don't care. Have you ever personally known a pair of conjoined twins? No. What was the most disturbing thing you have ever heard your mother say? Mom and my older sister got in a fight once and Mom yelled that she was a slut. I don't know why, but... it never left me, and I GUARANTEE it never left Ashley (who is not a "slut," by the way). This was when she was a teenager, so it's been many years and I can absolutely promise you Mom regrets it, big time. I don't even have to ask. Is there something in particular you like to look at photos of? What is it? Mark and meerkats, ha ha. Chewy chocolate-chip cookies: like or dislike? Chewy is the way to GO. If your boyfriend/girlfriend wanted to dress only in the opposite sex’s clothing, would you support that? If not, would you leave them? I wouldn't care. I'm pansexual, anyway. Anyone can be attractive to either gender's clothes to me. I think assigning clothes to a specific gender is dumb, anyway. Do you think your grandmother is/was beautiful? I only remember how my maternal grandmother looked, and yeah, she was a pretty lady. Which of your fields of interest are you a total expert on? Mark, ha ha. I know way too much on a person I've never met. When was the last time you got all dolled up? Not since last October when I did a witchy Halloween shoot with friends. Do you ever name objects? (i.e. mp3 players, guitars, cars, etc.) No. Do you have a criminal record? No. Last person you took a nap with? Sara, years ago. Well, unless you count my cat. He always comes running when he hears me getting comfy in bed, ha ha. Does seeing your mother cry automatically make you feel sad as well? Yes, and angry because I want to stop whatever it is making her cry, but I usually can't. Do you think someone likes the same person you like? I have no idea. Do you want your life to stay the way it is right now forever? God no. Have you ever been to craigslist.com? Yes; I've adopted and rehomed pets from there. What about eBay? Mom's bought stuff from there. Have you ever used Nair? Yes, on my legs. It's just as exhausting as shaving with how thick my hair is. Are you medicated? I think I'm on too much medication, personally. I want to try weaning off my OCD prescription, because I haven't had problems in a long time, but my psychiatrist doesn't want to? Which is odd to me because when I came to him, he was stunned by how many different meds I was on. He's concerned that the symptoms will just re-emerge, but like... I've beaten OCD before, for many years. I can do it again. I trust him with my life though, because he saved it, so I just go with what he says, honestly. Do you shape/fill in your eyebrows? No. Have you ever stolen/borrowed clothes from an ex? I've worn Jason's pajama pants before because I found men's pj pants more comfortable, and besides, sometimes I spent the night when I didn't plan to and needed something more comfortable than jeans. Could you make a statement about anything political? Texas' new "heartbeat bill" is fucking bullshit and is going to get so many women killed from DIY abortions. Do you think you’ve already met your soulmate? I don't believe in soulmates, but I do believe I met the person I loved more than I could ever possibly love somebody else again. Do you get the feeling something good will happen in your life soon? Fuck if I know. Do you enjoy romantic movies, even when they’re cliche? Yes. Have you been to McDonald’s in the past month? Yes. Have you ever slept over at your best friend’s house? I have. How often do you go bowling? Very, very rarely. I haven't been since I was on a date at the end of 2017, I wanna say??? Or was it '18??? Last time you were in an apartment? Not since Colleen still lived in one and I was visiting her. Have you ever seen a live seahorse? Yeah, in aquariums. Would you like to have your own yacht? I mean I wouldn't say no if you offered it to me for free, but I'm not exactly interested in one. I'd probably just give it to my dad. He'd be on Cloud 9. Winnie the Pooh or Tigger? Pooh! :^) What’s the unhealthiest thing you’ve eaten today? A brownie with caramel drizzle. Mom bought a box of them to split between Ash and her family and us, so I had one. :x Thankfully though she gave more to Ash, because I don't like having treats in the house for my weight's sake, but a little something sweet occasionally keeps you sane when you're trying to lose weight. Has a stranger ever offered to buy you a drink? Ew, no. What is something you’d be happy to receive as a gift, that doesn’t cost a lot? I'd really appreciate something hand-made, like a drawing or something. What kind of music does your significant other/crush like to listen to? He likes mostly the same stuff as me, but also more indie-ish stuff than me. Who did you have your first kiss with? Do you remember what colour his/her eyes were? Jason. His eyes are brown. Are there any themes from TV shows that you like to sing along to? Supernatural. It's inevitable that I'll sing, ha ha. Do you eat dessert after dinner? Very, very rarely. Have you ever had too much to drink and felt embarrassed about your behavior the next day? No. When you go out drinking, what do you prefer to drink? I don't go out drinking, but if I was to order a drink right now, I'd go for a sangria. That sounds soooo good rn. What was the last animal that you saw? My cat. Venus is in her hide as I'm answering this, so I can't see her. What was the last thing that you said to one of your siblings? I told Nicole bye when she was leaving the other day. What is the most expensive thing that you’ve purchased that you paid for: My snake. What is your favorite messaging program? Discord, nowadays. Do you eat fast food more than 5 times a week? Yikes, no. Have you ever almost drowned? No. Have you ever learned something shocking about someone through Facebook? It wasn't shocking in a bad way, just very unexpected. One of my friends has been an egg donor twice, I wanna say? What’s the scariest living animal that you’ve petted? I have no clue. Nothing that dangerous. Well wait, I shared the story of holding a tarantula before, and I was still kinda nervous to do so when I did. She was a total sweetie, though. Do you remember the first conversation you ever had with the person you currently have feelings for? I actually don't. Other than he got my attention with "lip ring girl," lmao. Do you dread certain days of the week? If yes, what day/s and why? No, because they're all the same to me. If you eat oatmeal, do you have it plain or do you have certain toppings that you like to add to it? I add a bit of sugar. What is the funniest or strangest thing you’ve ever heard somebody say in their sleep? *shrug* Choose one - Butterfinger, Milky Way, Snickers: Milky Way, 100%. Do you use Mozilla Firefox? No, I use Chrome. Who is your favorite person to hug? Sara. Have you ever had to have a mug shot? No. What was the last thing you carried to your room? Water. When was the last time you had a late night phone call? Damn dude, I couldn't possibly tell ya.

[more-quiverfull-sims]

So Many Fun Updates!!!

Author’s Note: Ingrid’s family is really growing, and both her and Stetson have now both aged into later adulthood. Ingrid’s parents are elders now, too. I will have to choose an heir soon. So far, I’m tending towards either Hope or Evangeline. Both of them have shown a lot of personality from the start. 

On another note, I’d love to hear predictions on how many kids Ingrid + Stetson will ultimately have. I’m thinking it’ll probably be sixteen or seventeen, maybe even more if they have twins again.

I also wanted to note re: Brenna that she and her husband dislike the fundamentalist lifestyle (due to not living up to their parents’ standards) and will be fundie-lite at most. They’ve moved to an apartment in the city and are using birth control until Brenna is at least 21. They’ll still have a big family, but will likely send their children to Christian private school, and Brenna will be able to work part-time as a piano teacher.

Read on for an extra nutty blog post...my favorite part is Ingrid’s insistence on flexing on her sisters by adding a modesty turtleneck to an already insane bridesmaid dress. Ingrid’s mother, Katlyn, has become a little less strict with her youngest kids as she’s burned out over time...but Ingrid isn’t about to relax her own standards.

Hello everyone! My, how nice it is to be checking out the blog again!! I love sharing our adventures with you!!

Here I am at the very end of my pregnancy with Patience Grace!

My sweet Mama got to visit me and help me take care of the little ones, and talk about how I was coping with my pregnancy!! 

Later that day, I delivered our TENTH child, Patience Grace Gorman!

I had a great opportunity to speak with little Evangeline May about having a happy heart about a new baby! Our children love being part of a large family, but babies are born sinners and must be TRAINED to show a happy heart at all times! Little Evangeline is still working on this, and I am being sure to keep her on the right path!

Helen aged up into toddlerhood JUST before I delivered Patience Grace. I love putting pink bows in my girls’ hair, and they love it, too! I’ve also strived to begin instilling modesty in my girls at an EARLY age so that they learn not to make their bodies a temptation from the time they are small! Notice my girls are always in dresses and with their knees covered! It is such a blessing to learn how to shield our brothers from temptation!

I also recently celebrated my thirty-fifth birthday. I can’t believe that Stetson and I have been married for more than fifteen PERFECT years and serving the Lord all the while. We are among the rare few that are participating in his perfect design for humanity...which was evidenced by the fact that days after this photo was taken, I found out that I was pregnant with baby #11, a PRECIOUS boy named Landyn Mason!!!

On another happy note, my sweet sister Brenna recently became engaged and then married! She became engaged to nineteen-year-old Alejandro Delgado at the age of seventeen! Alejandro is a commercial fisherman who is also a violinist on the side! Brenna loves the violin, too, and they met at a concert for homeschool graduates last year! Brenna didn’t know he was interested in her until he asked our Daddy for his permission to court her six months ago. They fell in love quickly, and I was so thrilled for her!

Brenna’s sweet wedding day! It was a very beautiful ceremony! Brenna had just turned eighteen a few days before! It was held on my parents’ property. My Daddy presided as preacher and married them. I was surprised Daddy allowed an outdoor wedding at first, but in the end we all liked the idea of Brenna getting married on our parents’ homestead! Their love has been so fruitful and led to so much!

Aren’t they a nice couple?! I am SO pleased that Brenna settled down and got married at an appropriate age. She always had such SPIRIT as a child and loved school, which I often had to remind her was not lady-like. Her academic energies were ONLY necessary so that she could learn to be a teacher for her children, as I explained! Luckily Alejandro seems okay with being married to a woman who likes to speak up sometimes! But Mama and I will be helping Brenna remain a submissive helpmeet!

We got a nice photo of all my sisters here! Aren’t our dresses GORGEOUS!? Mama helped pick them out, and I chose to layer mine out of modesty! I didn’t want anybody gazing upon the arms that belong to my husband!

After the wedding, Alejandro moved with Brenna to an apartment in San Myshuno. They’ve been married almost seven months now! Praying that they will be graced with a blessing soon! 

Our family also had a wonderful time celebrating Harvestfest recently. I slaved away ALL day making dinner for everyone!! It is such a blessing to serve my family!! I keep my babies so well-nourished and rested. It is such a joy and truly the calling of my life.

Look at all of us gathered around the table that some sweet folks at church donated to us! Daddy’s gotten a lot older, and recently Thaddeus has taken over the helm for preaching. The congregation is growing every day!

This is me after another successful homebirth with baby Landyn. I did tear quite a bit during the birth and had to be hospitalized afterward. I may soon follow the way of my heroine, Michelle Duggar, and go to the hospital for any subsequent births! I realized, after speaking with Stetson, that the Lord has blessed me and that I need not strive to please him by giving birth at home. Stetson told me that this is what the Lord has planned for me, and I submitted right away! That is what wives must do, without question, all the time!

My sweet girls have been SO great about helping me with my littles recently. I’m so glad that Hope and Katlynn are learning to be good, obedient helpmeets so that they can serve their husbands one day!! I could NOT do things without them and have officially started buddy teams as the two oldest girls become old enough to manage them!

Can you believe how busy our family has been recently?! I can’t believe how quickly time is flying!!! My oldest babies are already 15, 13, and almost 12 (Ezekiel, Josiah, and Hope)! Soon we will be planning THEIR courtships and making way for THEIR babies. It’s hard to believe how time flies...

Finally, we are so excited to announce that the LORD has blessed us AGAIN!! We are so beyond fortunate to be expecting our precious baby #12 in the spring!! The Lord has SEEN our service and SEEN the hearts we have for him. We ALWAYS seek to serve him even when the world is against us. We are stopped much more often now and asked about our large family, with some even exclaiming and asking why we would want so many children!! This is evidence of the backward way of the world and the way so many women have fallen out of their natural roles as wives and mothers. I am SO glad I have taken the path of righteousness and that I am showing MY sweet daughters the way. 

We haven’t found out the gender of baby #12, which will mark a first for us! So far we have six boys and five girls...what do you think the next baby will be?!?

Gorman Children (so far):

1. Ezekiel Luther

2. Josiah Thomas

3. Hope Geraldine

4. Isaiah Stetson

5. Katlynn Marie

6. John Brice

7. Evangeline May

8. Camden Duggarson

9. Helen Praise

10. Patience Grace

11. Landyn Mason

12. Baby Gorman

[stilloutofmyvulcanmind]

Insecurities

Prompt: A Plus Size Female Reader, who feels a bit insecure in their relationship because of their appearance

Fandom: Wonder Woman, DC

Relationships: Diana Prince x Gender Neutral!Reader

Characters: Diana Prince, Reader

Word Count: 2300

Warnings: Talk of negative body image, mentions of past bullying

It was drizzling outside. You could hear the patter of raindrops against the window from where you sat on the couch, flicking idly through TV channels. Usually, you didn’t find it that difficult to find something to occupy your time, but tonight you were restless, mind flicking from thing to thing, unable to stop thinking for longer than a couple of minutes.

Landing on a channel playing dumb infomercials, you glanced over to where your phone sat on the kitchen counter. You'd placed it there to avoid the pull to check it, but still, it called to you, saying that a brief scroll of the internet wouldn't hurt. 

No. It was late enough that photos would've started to appear by now, and looking at them would just hurt you more. 

You turned your attention back to the TV where a forcefully enthusiastic lady was trying to sell some fancy house ornament for way too much. Surprisingly, it was kind of tempting. 

The clock in the corner of the screen turned to 8 pm. Fuck it was still early. 

You wished you were with Diana. 

You could've been with her. The fact that you weren't was only your fault. She'd invited you to the fancy do, an event designed to get some more high-class benefactors to invest in the Louvre. You’d declined the offer, stating you had work deadlines that needed to be met. It wasn’t a lie, there were deadlines, but they weren’t the reason you decided to skip. The whole affair was going to be big, with enough famous guests to warrant paparazzi showing up outside to catch a snap of them arriving. And the very thought of getting caught in all those flashes made you almost throw up. 

By the time you realized what you were doing, your phone was in your hand and you were pulling up the photos that had come in so far. It wasn’t hard to find a site that had a whole slideshow of them. Several of the faces you knew through Diana, but most you had no knowledge of as you flicked through, taking in the expensive suits and glamorous dresses. And then there she was. Diana. She looked beautiful in the burgundy gown, hair pinned up with just a few strands free. One part of you wished you really were there, holding her hand as you smiled at the cameras. The other part of you was so very glad you were nowhere near the event.

An alert popped up at the top of the page, informing you of new updates from the party. A quick refresh and new photos popped up of what was going on inside. There were a bunch of publicity shots of different individuals smiling together and pretending to be the best of friends. You knew some well enough to know better. Most were boring, but then Diana appeared again. Standing next to Bruce Wayne himself. She’d told you he was coming, his appearance and support more than enough to easily secure investments from several others. You liked him well enough on the couple of occasions you’d met. A little broody when the public persona slipped, but you knew he valued Diana’s friendship and thoughts, and if Diana was happy he was there, you were happy too.

But that didn’t mean you could shake the thought of just how damned good they looked together. They both exuded a natural elegance and charisma that could win over anyone and looking at them standing next to each other, it was impossible not to think just how gorgeous they were. They’d be the ultimate power couple if they were to get together. Unstoppable, really.

You shook your head, all but tossing your phone away as you stalked over to the window. They were stupid thoughts. Diana didn’t want Bruce or anyone else. She wanted you. She loved you. She told you so every day. But you just couldn't shake the feeling that she could do so much better. She deserved someone of her caliber. Someone just as attractive and...and thin, your mind supplied. 

All the things you weren't. 

You stayed by the window, watching the droplets of rain hit the pane of glass and slide down into nothing. The perfect setting for your continued dwelling. You knew you shouldn't have looked at your phone. Knew full well the pictures would just play into every insecurity you had. You could text Diana, ask to meet after the party, tell her how you were feeling. She had some natural ability of always making you feel better no matter what was wrong. But this wasn't her issue to deal with either. She hadn't done anything to make you feel like this, it was all on you, and it seemed unfair to drag her into it. 

It was probably for the best to keep it yourself. 

Arms slipped around your waist from behind, startling you out of your dwelling with a fright. The fear didn’t last though when you felt soft lips kiss just below your ear, and you caught the familiar scent of the perfume Diana always wore. 

“I’m sorry I frightened you,” she whispered, thumbs rubbing small circles on you over the jumper you wore. “It wasn’t my intention.”

“My fault. Was too busy daydreaming again.” You leaned back into the embrace slightly, knowing that Diana could support all of your weight and so just a little now wouldn’t be an issue. “I didn’t expect to see you tonight.”

“I tried calling you but there was no answer so I came to see if you were okay.”

An internal cringe shot its way through your body at that. You must’ve missed it ringing from wherever it had landed earlier, too busy feeling sorry for yourself, and now you’d made Diana worry about you. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to spoil your night.”

Diana’s lips dropped down to your neck, leaving a trail of gentle kisses along the sensitive skin. You could feel her smile against you. “Don’t be, my love. It was a good excuse to leave.”

“That bad, huh?”

Diana hummed in response, coaxing you to turn around in her arms, “I missed you,” she said, before kissing your lips.

It was easy, getting lost Diana’s kisses. She’d learned early on what you liked, what drove you wild, what melted you into her embrace and took full advantage of that knowledge often. Like now, she was set on turning your legs to jelly, forcing you to wrap your arms around her in return just to stay steady. Not that she’d ever let you fall. You could feel the skin of her bare back under your fingertips, a little chilly from being exposed in the backless dress all night, but not too bad. You traced random patterns over it as you kissed, the way she liked it, and you were rewarded with a quiet little moan that sent sparks down your spine.

She was the first to break the kiss, smiling at you as she took your hands in hers. It was the first time you’d seen her in the flesh all night, and God, she looked even more breathtaking than in the pictures. “Shower with me,” she said, the subtle shift in tone making it perfectly clear what she was thinking. You followed her, helpless to do anything else. She was captivating when she had that teasing smile on her face, and it was near impossible to resist her.

But then you caught a glimpse of you both in the mirror, and all the thoughts that had been temporarily forgotten came crashing back. The thought of being naked with Diana right then…

You faltered in your step, and Diana must’ve seen the change in you because she stopped, smile slipping into a frown instead. "What's wrong?" 

"I…" You didn't really know what to say. How to word what you were feeling or even if you should word it all. "I showered earlier. You should go ahead and I'll pour us some wine, yeah?" 

Diana looked far from convinced, keeping her hold on you when you tried to tug free. "Y/N, has something happened?" 

She looked so concerned. You hated making her feel like that, making her worry when the only thing wrong was you. "No, everything's fine, really. Don't worry about me," you said with a smile. 

"I can see that's not true," Diana stepped closer, a hand coming up to rest at the back of your neck, fingers playing with the fine hairs there. "You can talk to me." She was so earnest, and you knew she wouldn't judge you, it was just so hard to open up. 

"Di," you sighed, "it's dumb."

"If it's bothering you then it could never be dumb. Tell me." Before you knew it Diana was guiding you to the bedroom and sitting you both down on the bed. 

How were you even going to start? It wasn't something you'd ever talked about, even before meeting Diana. "I…I don't know where it came from. I mean I do, but…it's been worse recently and I don't know why. It's not like anything has changed." Wow, was it even possible to be even vaguer in your rambling? 

"What do you mean?" 

You took a breath, trying to organize your thoughts. "Us. Or me more specifically. It's...recently I've been thinking about why the hell you're with me. You could be with anyone…and you chose me of all people."

You weren't looking at her, but you could hear the frown, the confusion in her voice. "Why would I not choose you?" 

"Because you're you. You're beautiful."

"As are you."

"No. I'm not." You looked up at her at that. "I'm fat and flabby and have rolls and stretch marks. People like me don't get to be with people like you." There was no judgment in Diana's eyes when you met them for a brief moment, but she was still trying to understand. "All my life, I've been the person to get asked out as a joke or a bet or to embarrass a friend because that's the only thing the fat ones are for."

"You know what we have is no joke to me."

"I know. I do. And I've always known. I'm happier with you than I ever thought I could be. But after so many years of bullshit…"

"It's difficult to believe you're enough." 

You nodded, grateful that she understood now. "Yeah. And when the person you're dating is brave and strong and beautiful and quite literally a goddess it's even tougher sometimes."

Diana reached out towards you, cupping your cheek. "How long have you felt like this?" 

"It didn't really bother me at first. Crossed my mind, yeah, but I was having so much fun with you I decided to just go with it. And…I guess I wasn't expecting things to get serious or last all that long. But then you said you loved me and I fell hopelessly in love with you, and that's when they started creeping in...these insecurities."

She nodded, tucking her legs up on the bed so she could scoot in close to you, brushing away the tears you that you hadn't noticed start to fall. "Is this why you didn't want to come with me tonight?"

"Yeah. I saw some of the photos and I was right not too. You...you looked exquisite, and when you were standing next to Bruce, you looked so good together. And I just couldn't help but think how you should always have someone that good next to you at every event, or date, or walk down the street."

"I already do. You say these things about me but don't realize they're the same things I see when I look at you. You are beautiful, Y/N. The first time I saw you I thought you'd been created by the Gods themselves because they could not make anyone fairer. Every day you amaze me with your kindness and wit and goodness. I've been told that I inspire people to be their best selves, but they don't realize that you inspire me to be better. You are everything I could ever want, and I love you." If the words weren't enough to make you cry even harder, the look in her eyes would've been. The open honesty that said she meant every word, the adoration, and love that made your heart swell. 

"Thank you," you whispered. With someone else you may have questioned it, but not with Diana, and while not all of your thoughts vanished, knowing how Diana saw you helped. "I love you too, Di. I never knew I could be so happy until I met you."

"Nor I before you." Diana moved you both so you were lying on the bed, no doubt rumpling and creasing the expensive dress, not that she seemed to mind, and pulled you to her until you were wrapped in each other's arms. "When you feel this way, tell me. I want to help you."

You nodded, leaning in for a kiss. "I will. I promise."

Diana smiled and the two of you fell quiet as you just enjoyed holding the other. It was nice, one of your favorite things about Diana was how tactile she was. She loved to touch and hold and show affection just as much as you did, and it was always relaxing. 

After a few minutes, Diana pulled back slightly. "Bruce invited me to Gotham tonight. He's hosting an event for the museum. A small, private thing for him. Will you come with me?" 

"You want me to?" 

"Of course."

You bit your lip, thinking a moment. Just the thought made you nervous but with Diana next to you…You nodded and smiled, "I'd like that."

She returned the smile and kissed you, "Thank you."

You kissed her back, getting lost in the sensations of it to the point you almost missed Diana's hands, slipping under your jumper and running over your back. You broke the kiss and chuckled softly. "How about we take that shower now?" 

"I could think of nothing better, my love."

Like what you read? Consider buying me a coffee! (I’ll love you forever)

Tagging: @lifeaccordingtojenna​ @amachnowski @highwayunicornroadtoluv​ 

[theseerasures]

@counterpunches​ submitted:

Once again there are too many to choose so I’m going to pick too many, but really it’s your fault no I won’t be taking any criticism.

how me that solvable problem

ethically sourced kid!Elsa

well this prompt feels custom made to talk about self-harm

she drops the silver chain of sound

a love sTRONGER THAN BLOOD SISTERS r u kitten me

oh hey! you picked some that actually ended up too unwieldy to keep writing in longhand

show me that solvable problem: post-Frozen II canon divergence where Arendelle sank under the sea like a good little metaphor on sins of the father. kinda your typical “but what does it actually MEAN to step into ur power, mum” thing on both Elsa and Anna’s side, with a side helping of Honeymaren/Elsa, Kristoff discovering ~his past, and uh. a lot of political talk on indigenous knowledge and politics of redress (Arendellians are refugees now, Northuldra have been settler colonized for decades, what do?? that kinda stuff)–almost too much, but ultimately a reasonable amount!

ethically sourced kid!Elsa: stems from my…uh. inability to understand the appeal of present day Elsa meeting a POST-Incident kid!Elsa when obviously her meeting a PRE-Incident kid!Elsa has so much more inherent drama. kid!Elsa steps into an idk portal and shows up at the castle in the post-Frozen II world. it’s been a few years; Anna is VERY comfortable with her current life and is expecting her first child, so um. the child version of her older sister showing up out of the blue throws her into a not-insubstantial tailspin. present!Elsa superficially is more capable of keeping it in stride, but the elephant in the room of “well do we TELL her what’s coming” just looms larger and larger until it all ends in tears, because Elsa and Anna disagree about what to do, and it ends up being their first no holds barred FIGHT, where they both accuse each other of being selfish and they’ve somehow turned into the worst parts of their parents. Kristoff, Sven, and Olaf spend most of their time basically being Bow from season 4 of She-Ra; Honeymaren meets the kid version of her now-girlfriend, immediately and justifiably is like “wow! weird vibe,” grabs Ryder and leaves. poor, poor kid!Elsa is a) kind of a hellion, pre-Incident, which everyone forgot about, and b) comes to a whole slew of horrible realizations, beginning with the fact that her parents are both dead now, Anna is being weird and closed off around her, her present self is being less weird but apparently did something HORRIBLE that no one will talk about, and it’s. it’s bad. if someone has any advice on how to tag dialogue with two characters that are the same character, just time-displaced, that would be lovely, because the closest i came was that kid!Elsa would be called Kid Elsa ala Kid Flash and obviously present!Elsa would be The Elsa (and they fight crime! jk they cry a lot and kid!Elsa ends up throwing hands with her older self, by which i mean Elsa gets a nice taste of what being shot to the heart with ice magic feels like)

well this prompt feels custom made to talk about self-harm: the prompt was “angst, loss, scar,” so. five times Elsa didn’t scar. the self-harm part comes in a few times, but the reason i approached it at all was because i imagined Elsa going through a ~phase as an adolescent where she tore through every medical text she could get her hands on to find out what’s wrong with her, and it…spiraled into thinking some dark thoughts about what would happen, since the magic mostly comes out of her hands, if she…hurt them in some way. she ends up being too chickenshit to go through with it because she’s THIRTEEN, ELSA WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO BREAK YOUR THUMB. it ballooned out into a longer meditation on Elsa grappling with her not-quite humanity, where she’s never entirely sure what rules of mortality apply to her (all of them actually! Elsa u fucking melon), going all the way to post-Frozen II, where she’s…weirdly maudlin about her death leaving no trace on her physical body, until Anna shows up. they actually end up talking about Mattias, and the ways he’s visibly aged from his portrait (Anna commissioned a new one for him)–it all ends with something about how, like. yes living does leave its marks on you but maybe Elsa should stop thinking about it in such extreme ways, and also see a therapist

she drops the silver chain of sound: another *sigh* RWBY fic, this one charting Winter and Robyn’s relationship in universe, from Academy years to post-canon. i haven’t been able to find any fic about them that responsibly handles the nuances of Winter a) being abused a lot of multi-layered ways, but also b) being complicit in war crimes and her own transformation into an instrument instead of a person, and (as of V7) STEADFASTLY COMMITTED TO IT. basically starting from the place of “Robyn doesn’t owe Winter jack shit and is Busy, it’s Winter’s responsibility to change herself,” and trying to be realistic about the ways Winter would and would not let herself change. truth kink! it’s a thing with them. a lot of talk about agency and identity, and weird detours about how Cartesian dualism is a tool of the colonizer–but honestly, you can’t make one of your main mechanics be “an extension of the soul” and not expect me to inject some woo

a love sTRONGER THAN BLOOD SISTERS r u kitten me: to answer your PS about which fires i’m embleming: i started with Sacred Stones and then moved through Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn (still have no idea what a Fire Emblem is, which i think is v sexy of me). Radiant Dawn has some BONKER-TASTIC sapphic moments–your standard “i’m queen but i’m shy” archetype has a ladyfriend who is the CAPTAIN OF HER GUARD. Captain gets taken hostage, gets her hair lopped off (…by a professional hairdresser i guess, since this is what she looks like after) and sent to Shy Queen in a VERY STANDARD “i have your precious” moment and then has to debate over saving the Captain or the Kingdom and it’s just. so

anyways of course the extreme gayness goes blithely unacknowledged for the rest of the game, and the epilogue has the AUDACITY to say that their bond was “stronger than blood sisters,” which is…fine! it’s fine. the fic is mostly just about actually ADDRESSING the intimacy that they have through some hair washing.

PS: i’ve started Awakening, which a) looks promising re: knowing what a Fire Emblem, and b) has caused me to start a new WIP called “NO YOU’RE NOT YOU’RE OBVIOUSLY LAURA BAILEY”

PPS: appreciate the recurrence of Standard Nintendo Plot Pattern Sigma (gender fuckery to stop a bad time thing), which i THINK is what’s happening in Awakening–no one tell me if i’m right tho!!! i wanna keep speculating about whether ~~~Marth is my daughter or my grandma’s niece or Taylor Swift’s second cousin

[magaprima]

Fair warning, this is going to be an image heavy post so I’ve tagged it as ‘long post’ as usual for blacklisting purposes. 

Now, I’ve briefly said about the fear shown in Lilith’s eyes when the Dark Lord is free of Blackwood, but I’ve been wanting to go into this whole scene for a while and the bits and pieces have been in my drafts for 2 weeks and I finally have them typed up. So here goes. 

When he hasn’t woken yet, and she is literally just sitting and waiting for him, she looks absolutely terrified. Not scared; terrified. She looks on the verge of crying, she’s that frightened as she waits for the inevitable sound of him waking up. She has a plan, yes, but she has no idea if it’ll work. She is all alone, entirely alone here, and she has no idea if these will be her last moments. 

At the sound of his voice, the alert he is awake and the waiting is over, the upset fades so that we’re left with just outright fear. She’s got to be ready now, she knows this; it’s time, there’s no more waiting. You can practically hear the heartbeat thumping in her ears.

And then when she first speaks to him, she immediately calls him ‘My liege’. She is submitting to him for survival, placating him, playing the part of the loyal servant, but you can see she’s upset by it. Previously, in part 1, when she spoke to him like this it was in adoration and loyalty, she was still in awe of him (or just plain old suffering Stockholm Syndrome. Whatever you wanna call it), but when we see her doing the same thing here, we can clearly see it is with entirely different motivations and emotions. 

And then she prepares herself for what she has to do. She’s listening to him say ‘You know what comes next. That’s why you haven’t bothered to run’. She’s listening to him underestimating her again and her fear seems to briefly disappear at that, and as she prepares herself for what she has to do, she even rolls her eyes a little

She gets up, eyes rolling when she’s facing in a direction he can’t see, because even in light of her extreme fear, she is awake now, she is no longer adoring, no longer blinded by awe or love or loyalty (or SS...) and she is realising that for all his power and threat and danger, he is still one of the idiots. Because he has to be if he thinks she has no defence planned, that she would simply sit around waiting to be killed. He really doesn’t know her at all, he is just underestimating her all over again. 

She takes a deep breath before she speaks though because, regardless, this hand she is planning to play is a risky one and she knows what that risk entails. Yet, look how she stands.

She stands straight backed, without quivering or trembling, she is loking him directly in the eye, expression challenging. That’s freaking brave as hell for someone as scared as she is. To be as abused as she has been and to face that abuser with the very aware risk he might just cut her throat right now. is an incredibly brave and strong thing to do. Lilith has had a power shift, yes, she’s being shoved right back to where she started, but she’s not submitting and letting go so easily this time, and how she’s facing that in this moment is astounding. 

She even moves closer to him, walking over, choosing to close the distance herself, rather than letting him move first, she’s taking control of the moment as best she can. And never breaks her gaze, never bows her head and even sums up his intentions before he can describe them himself, like she knows his game and also knows why it won’t work. And he’s listening. She’s giving him no choice but to listen. 

The only time she ever looks down is when she glances at the...pillar and the stones shall we say to avoid getting censored by Tumblr? But it’s done almost with a passing disinterest, subtly implying she sees him as vulnerable, disadvantaged. She’s the one clothed in this scene and he isn’t, which filmatically is always used to show who out of a dynamic is the one truly in power. So I think it’s very interesting and revealed that she, a fully clothed woman, is glancing dismissively over him, an entirely nude man. It hints that the power shift isn’t what he thinks it is. 

But when she actually has to start telling him what she’s done, beginning with the fact Blackwood is gone, we see her fear come back, because this is where the true risk lies, where he could end up killing her regardless out of pure anger and frustration. Like most abuse victims, she has learned to read her abuser in order to minimise abuse and to survive. She’s watching him, wide-eyed, trying to gauge his reaction, his behaviour, before it happens. This is as much a display of her fear and experiences with him, as it is a display of her survivalist nature. 

 And when she does actually say what she’s done, giving Blackwood the Mark of Cain, she actually nods quickly and takes a step back, which is all defensive body language. When she takes a step back, she subconsciously and ever so slightly puts the table between them. Her entire energy here is the abuse victim preparing herself for more abuse and trying to get a head start against that, protecting herself subconsciously. No matter what your opinion is of this scene, this storyline, this dynamic, the message it gives etc, the one thing no one can deny is Lilith never stops being terrified throughout it, even when she’s directly confronting and challenging him. She’s being extremely brave but fear is coursing through her non-stop, and every decision and action she makes is driven by that fear and her desire to survive it. 

And here’s the exact moment she says ‘he gave me your seed’. It’s only a flash of a moment, a flash of an expression, but it’s there. You can see the flicker of sadness tinging the fear here. This is not a decision/act that Lilith wanted to do/make. She has been forced into this corner. She’s an intelligent woman and she’s a survivalist, she knows that the only worth he’ll ever place on her is to carry an heir (as I said on my post about the pregnancy line, it’s reflective of the fact throughout history women have had their worth based entirely on that fact, and it still goes on today) so that’s what she did to survive. It’s a choice to an extent, but not really, it’s not a true choice, when the other option is death. Doing something to survive doesn’t mean doing it happily or freely, it doesn’t mean not being upset about it. She’s had her true choice taken from her and a freedom taken from her...all so she could live to see another day. Lilith was stuck between a rock and a hard place and she made the best decision she could with the shitty hand she was dealt and she’s, understandably and rightfully, upset about it. But she hides it almost immediately.

She’s smirking when she says ‘the Satanic miracle of miracles’ because she’s seen his shock and added to the fact he hasn’t killed her yet, she knows that she has him on the back foot. So she can’t let him see that this decision has hurt her, that she’s upset by the ‘choice’, she can only let him see that this decision is her ‘winning’, that it’s keeping her alive, that she’s beating him. She can’t risk any other emotion being seen. So she smirks and challenges him, and again, considering she’s so scared, it is incredibly brave to be this bold faced, to stand there and smirk and defy him. And the moment he goes for her, launching himself at her, she instinctively runs back to get away from him, showing us very clearly that she’s had this from him before, instances where he’s just run at her to attack without warning. But here the wall stops her escaping

She looks scared here, revealing that fear again, she’s avoiding eye contact (as we’ve seen that she has often in the past to avoid his anger or when she fears his response to something) as she reminds him that the child is his child and hurting her hurts his child. But her true motivation and emotion is apparent throughout in this moment; she’s driven by fear and survival. 

And we’re also seeing her true feelings towards him; fear, tinged with just the hint of revulsion. Disgust has replaced awe. After all, she’s had her relationship with Adam 2.0 since the last time she and Lucifer were ‘together’. She’s had a non-abusive romantic relationship, and she has had time ruling single and independent, so she can now more clearly see what this ‘relationship’ truly is, rather than reasoning she had been making before that it’s just the way he is, that he’ll change, that she’ll be Queen etc. Also, you can hear her panicked breathing throughout this entire moment. 

She only makes eye contact again, even though there’s still fear in expression, when she knows he’s listening and being drawn in. The moment he says ‘if what you say is true’. she know the hook is almost bit, that the hand she’s playing is getting stronger, that it will win her her life after all. So she’s looking at him, not backing down,  because she has to carry this through to the end now, but you can’t deny the fear still there, even if she’s trying her best to hide it from here, to hide that ‘weakness’. 

It’s only here when she plays her ultimate hand that we start to see the fear being hidden away again as she she does what she is an expert at; playing to the male ego. Because Lucifer, for all intents and purposes, is a man, it’s the gender he obviously relates to and presents as, and within CAOS they do make it an official gender for him despite his angelic origins. So Lilith plays to this and asks him if he would hurt this own son, making it very clear that this child is a boy. She’s taking control here, as best she can within the shitty circumstances, and so by taking control of the moment, she’s able to control her fear. She knows she almost has him, that her own life is almost secure, that if she just plays this well, she’ll be secure. But baring in mind the fear shown above, the fear she has been barely able to hide or even control, shows just brave this is. As she plays the final part of this hand, her heart must be in her throat. 

Look at her there, watching him. He’s not paying attention. his focus is on this apparent son and she is just watching him, studying him. Her expression is almost smiling; she knows she has him here. She’s walking a tightrope and she’s nearly at the end and she knows it, even if he doesn’t. 

And with that her fear is fully hidden now, she’s looking at him properly, appealing to him, she’s even using the same mannerisms she had when they were together; she’s looking at him affectionately, smiling, she’s playing him here, she believes she’s got it all in hand, that her life is now as good as golden. Yes, she might have had to make a sacrifice but she’s going to live, and that’s always Lilith’s priority, and she knows this is a victory, no matter how conditioned, because Lucifer never wanted to spare her, but now he has to. 

The fear does flash back into view when he grabs her again, reminding us, the audience, that throughout this whole scene she is legitimately scared for her life. But despite that fear she’s not quivering or backing down or bowing her head here. She’s afraid but she’s facing that fear, looking it literally in the eye, because she has something he wants and they both know it. I just, this is a shitty situation with shitty choices left to her, but I admire Lilith so much for how she survives constantly no matter what is thrown at her, and how brave she’s being here and how she is standing up to someone legitimately, powerfully dangerous who wouldn’t hesitate to kill her if he chose. 

Here she’s settled, she’s telling him to clean up the mess his daughter’s made in Hell. A moment ago he was all ‘you know what comes next i’m going to kill you’, but now she’s telling him, what he needs to do. She’s not only kept herself alive, but she’s kept her position of power, and even though she’s had to make a huge sacrifice, even though she’s only in this situation because she was abandoned yet again,  survival and power are two of Lilith’s top priorities and she’s managed to achieve both...and Lucifer hadn’t even known what was coming

She’s even fooling him here, looking at his lips, looking at him in The same way she used to, with attraction and desire because remember what she said to Sabrina in Part 2; ‘flattery will be your tool to disarm him’. She knows that if she plays the  ‘you’re still fascinating’ card, he’s even less likely to kill her or to suspect her. Lilith is a master manipulator and one that Lucifer constantly underestimates, and so she’s using both those facts to her advantage here. she’s going all out on the looks here

We know it’s an act because the moment he says ‘fine’ and agrees, she sighs with audible and physical relief and turns her face away. She doesn’t have to look at him anymore with challenge or longing, he plan has worked, she can stop that part of the ‘game’ she has to play. 

The responding behaviour from Lucifer shows us that it worked. Not only is lifting her chin and making her look at him an example of him exerting dominance immediately after her obvious power play but it’s also showing that  he seems to think they’re back to their old, original dynamic. He’s touching her as he always has, with false softness. It’s an intimate touch, lifting her chin and Lucifer thinks he’s in full power here, that Lilith has a mere stay of execution and that’s it, and until her execution time arrives she ‘knows her place’. He’s making the same mistakes with her again. but you can see Lilith is trying her hardest to hide both her fear and relief, because both emotions would give the game away. Yet still it trickles, because it’s so ample that she can’t possibly hide it completely, even if only we, the audience, see it. 

Here when he’s making his instructions, note how he’s treating her like the Handmaiden again, telling her summon the Infernal Court. She’s the one to call all the demons and tell them Lucifer has returned; he fully believes the old dynamic is back and Lilith  is both relieved and afraid of that. Relieved because it means she’s safe, that he has no immediate plans to kill her, and afraid because of the way he behaves towards her in their old dynamic. Lilith has survived here, but she knows she’s far from free.

And in this moment, when you watch it, there’s almost a flicker of attraction from Lilith, which is reasonable. She’s loved him, adored him, for thousands of years, seen him as the fallen angel that saved her from despair, and a large part of her would have liked the power he had and even the violence...when it was directed at someone else,  of course, as we know she can be quite a violent person herself; not in the way as Lucifer, but we know her anger and resentment can be vicious when she choose. So it’s natural for her to still find attraction in him, to be tempted to fall into old habits (it’s the same reason people return to bad relationships; old habits and attractions make are sometimes too great a temptation, or they’re blinded by the good memories over bad etc). But it’s only when you freeze the frame that you’re able to capture the wariness, the guardedness, behind that brief flicker of attraction. And I wonder if that wariness is not just of Lucifer, but of that risk of falling into old habits, of returning to bad relationships (and is possibly one of the reasons why she says so firmly later ‘we are very much not together’). She’s got to keep her eye on the prize, so-to-speak,  and she’s aware that Lucifer is likely going to be watching her more closely, so she’s going to have to play the part of Handmaiden well, but she doesn’t want to get stuck in that position again, trapped without hope of escape this time. 

The fact that Lilith is filled with fear throughout this scene but manages to stand strong and not back down, to face her abuser head on, and face him alone after being abandoned entirely by other women, and make difficult ‘choices’ in order to live or die, is something that both breaks my heart and makes me admire her character so much. 

Here end’th my long ass post. 

[peekychu]

The history of my fursonas! 🐱

I’m in an especially infodump-y mood at the moment and I watched a video about fursonas that inspired me (Shoutout to Pocari Roo’s channel!) so here we go ^o^ 

Click under the cut to read the whole enchilada! (It’s a long post, make sure you have the appetite for it first xD)

I first learned about the furry fandom in about 2013-14 from some friends at school! Granted, the two teenage boys I talked to a lot were more obsessed with the... sexual side of that xD I won’t go into that though because that would involve me talking about more uncomfortable stuff >.> I also had another friend that was such a huge influence to me and they’re a big reason that I still draw fuzzy animals to this day! Their fursona at the time was named Icy and I thought that character was the freakin’ coolest. I remember going home after talking to them, filled with inspiration and making my very first fursona!

Her original name was Rogue Feather, but the name Scarlett came later and ultimately stuck way better! Her design was simple, a red fox with a purple bandana! Not much thought was put into her, I just put together what I thought a typical fursona would look like :P I didn’t draw her much since I was way more focused on MLP and my ponysona Starfruit, but I still enjoyed doodling her!

Shortly after Scarlett, I created Citrus the cat! To be honest, she didn’t really represent me other than being a cat xD Her design was actually based off of a girl that I had a crush on at that time, but that’s a whole other story >.>

Also, it was coincidental that Twinkie has elements from both of these beginning characters, I just noticed that making this post! I learned that I loved cats from creating citrus, and I loved drawing Scarlett’s wings and bandanas so I suppose it was natural that my current fursona would have all of these traits :P

Well, months pass after posting the first drawings of Citrus and Scarlett on my Instagram, and at this point I decided to try taking up digital art! I downloaded FireAlpaca for free (still my program of choice x3) and worked really hard at drawing with only my mouse!

My friend that inspired me to draw more furry characters had changed their fursona over from a bright sparkledog-ish color scheme to another character with muted browns and oranges. Inspired once again, I designed another cat character to represent myself!

Meet Macchiato (or Mac for short)! They were made when I switched my focus from My Little Pony to furry characters, and I moved from Instagram to DeviantArt as my main art site. 

When I made Mac, I was close to beginning high school and I questioned a lot about my identity, mainly my gender and sexuality :P For a period of time, I pushed aside my adoration for ponies, Pokemon and colorful things in favor of things I thought were “cooler” and more boyish. A large part of this was my complicated relationship with my gender identity, but also because I thought I had to act more mature... so I expressed this by drawing myself as a cat? It was complicated xD

Anyways, while I have a soft spot for Mac, they’re sort of my own Rex Dangervest if that makes sense :P I mean, they were my first expression of feeling neutral to gender which was a big deal for me, but when I look at their drab colors it sort of makes me sad that I didn’t have much fun designing them. (I did have a blast drawing that pixel reference though, I remember that xD)

I also created a few more furry characters just for the fun of it! I won’t post pictures of all of them for the sake of length, but they were Chamomile the fennec fox, Minx the cat, Caira the alien dog, Pfeffer the bunny, Flicker the bat (who I should draw again sometime >.>) Mitzi the dog and... Whatever animal Skyler was supposed to be xD I made all these characters before I attempted to make a fursona that I felt more connected with...

Along came Clash the cat, an even more depressing character than Mac for me to look at xD I was considerably depressed at this point from the pressure of high school and my identity issues, the droopy eyelids and chaotic color scheme of him sort of reflect this. 

It’s a good thing you can’t read his description in that screenshot, Believe me, but I think I should quote a part of it because it greatly represents how I felt about myself during the time period when I made him.

“If you were to dissect his brain, you’d see something much like somebody’s tangled collection of thread and yarn. Colorful, unkept, and full of pushed aside potential.”

Ouch!!

Well, after a period of depressing fursonas I played that one cat icon creator game that circulated on Tumblr for a while, and I made my favorite old fursona! I think that he had a lot in common with Twinkie and I used them more than everyone else beforepaw.

Here’s Cetrada, my little Nickelodeon slime cat xD I named them after the Italian citron-flavored soda that my friend Francesca (Love ya buddy!) sent to me in the mail! That soda is actually spelled Cedrata, the misspelling of the name was not a creative choice but an actual dumb mistake xP 

I genuinely still love this character, I nicknamed them Limey since it’s simple and cutesy like them, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever use them again. Think of them as teenage Twinkie I guess xD I love ya Cetrada, you were a good kitty <3

Eventually Cetrada grew stale for me and I went through a couple of other fursonas. I don’t have much to say about them since they were pretty short lived, but I’ll post a single picture of each of them! I’m getting a bit tired of making mini collages of them anyways :P

While Reese’s design and colors are a bit awkward, I genuinely adore their mini companion Mallow the bat :P They look like pistachio pudding, what a cutie!

Ugh, this fursona stresses me out to look at too xD I mean arguably they’re the closest in design to Twinkie (yellow cat with angel wings and star knee markings) but they remind me of a rough time I suppose? I drew a couple pictures of them looking more sexualized and with a more slim body type when in reality I was overweight and scared of intimacy... they just remind me of an unhealthy period of my life @_@ I must have felt that too though, I dropped this fursona pretty quickly.

I do actually like Kit even though I used him very briefly, I was starting to have WAY more fun with bright colors in my drawings! Sure he’s a bit too pastel 2015 Tumblr, but I do still like that pink and yellow combo ^w^

Eventually I grew sick of my DeviantArt and mostly just posted art on my main Tumblr where I got super into the kidcore scene! I had rediscovered my love of fun colors and sparkly eyes, kidcore sparked a new me! I wasn’t doing fantastic in life, but I developed more optimism and a genuine love for simple things which grounded me a lot. This was such a wild part of my life, through reblogging pictures of rainbows and Pokemon and slime I gained over 2,000 followers O.O Two of my closest friends told me that they found me by my influence in the kidcore Tumblr community back around 2016 and were intimidated to talk which is just nuts to me x’D

Anyways I’ll try not to go on a tangent about that anymore, but 2016-17 was wild! I should give a shoutout to my very first sparklesona Cosi, but he was made only barely before my true fursona...

That’s right babey, the one... The only!!!

HE’S FINALLY HERE! Twinkie, the fursona I truly felt a personal connection with. I mean, he’s everything I love bundled into one! Pikachu has been my hugest comfort ever since I was four years old so naturally I would have to incorporate it into my fursona somehow! I also gave him a bandana, my favorite accessory to draw on furry characters, and wings! Of course I love rainbows too so I gave him rainbow wings..... But I tweaked his design since the colored wings made him more bird-like. Nothing against birds of course, but I thought plain white angel wings were simpler and more iconic for him! I did give him a touch of rainbow later with his tag design! I also scrapped his red dot eyebrows and his tail bandana, but overall I loved the character I made! I was thrilled to have a fun cartoon kitty that I could use to express myself :3

Before him my only true-feeling ‘sona was Starfruit the pegasus, it was fulfilling because I feel like when I made Twinkie, I started to find myself! 

Twinkie did go through a couple redesigns including a semi-drastic color change sometime in early 2018, but I really do feel content with the way he looks right now! In Twinkie I see friendliness, optimism, and a caring heart which is what I strive for! He represents the journeys I took to be more comfortable with myself and he radiates the confidence that I hope to achieve one day as well >:3 I mean it is possible I could change him for a new fursona or even flat out drop him in the future, but after 3 strong years I think Twinkie will stay a part of me for a while ^w^

Anyways, if you’ve read all of this, THANK YOU!! This was a really personal post and I think it’s fascinating to look at my own self progression this way, I hope somebody gained something from this but if it was just for me that’s okay too xD

If anyone read all of this looong post and wants to make a similar post, PLEASE tag me! I’ve been so interested in fursonas and how people see/represent themselves through cartoon animals, isn’t it a wild phenomenon?? 

If you don’t feel like making a big post like I did though, you should reply with some cool facts about your fursona or count how many you’ve made in the past xD That would be rad <3

[askamaravox]

90 Question’s for Your OC

What is your purpose or your biggest goal in life?

Power and revenge. 

Of all your belongings, which are most important to you? If there is a story about them, please share.

All and any belongings that I once loved are probably now locked up in some police facility as evidence. So, I try not to get attached to anything physical. However, I do like my revolver. I keep it on me at all times.

I got it engraved a few years ago, you know, before it was a murder weapon.

Who is your best friend, or the person you are closest to?

That’s a difficult question to answer. I feel as if Ralsei and I have a relationship that runs deep without words, but it’s so much easier to talk to Julian.

Who are a few other people you know, and how do you feel about each of them specifically?

I would defend Amanda with my life. Even if that meant putting my reputation on the line. I think she’s a lot like Ralsei and needs to be protected and safe. They both don’t deserve this life. 

Blix. Ah, very similar boat to Amanda, but she can handle herself. Or at the very least, I think she can. I care for her deeply, and want her to be safe.

Now that friends are out of the way it’s time to discuss enemies!

Sophia is a bitch and I can’t wait to bring her down. To tear at her reputation, and take her down to rock bottom. Let’s see how she likes it.

Fuck Xavier. Fuck the Butcher. Fuck The Prince. They don’t even get explained, they’re merely honourable mentions.

Do you have any romantic interests, or have you in the past?

Romantic? Not necessarily. Past nor present - as much as I hate to talk about it... Ryan and I had a fling a few years back but it was hardly serious.

What is your general outlook on life? Are you optimistic, pessimistic, or maybe just very neutral?

I like to think of myself a realist. It helps me keep a level head and not to overestimate or underestimate things. However, a touch of optimism never hurts.

Describe your relationship with your parents. If they're no longer alive, how did that happen? How do you feel about it?

Well. Prior to all this, my relationship with my mother was sturdy. We talked occasionally, I went to her for advice on business meetings and cases. We met every Christmas at the holiday home with Camilla to have a warm home cooked dinner.

My relationship with my father was and always has been estranged. We weren’t close when I was a kid. He was distant, rude and enforced sexist ideals in the family. Something my mother always argued against in quiet.

The day she divorced him and took everything he will always be a momentous day in my childhood. I wont say it was the best day, because it certainly was difficult. But it was a good introduction to law... and well, fucking over those who treat you wrong.

Mother was always much better at the subtle long game than me.

Do you have any siblings? If so, talk about them. If not, do you wish that you did?

Camilla. My twin sister. We used to get confused a lot in school, but she tended to be the nicer sibling. A little less boy focused and more concerned about her close friends.

We were both very competitive though. Always fighting to get the best grades. Some years she won, some years I took the title. In our final year I took the cake by getting the highest ATAR score between us. 1.7 points higher than her.

Regardless, we both got into our respected fields. She entered the police force, and I got into law. We split off after that, but were still close. There was still that sibling rivalry sometimes. But we got along.

I still wonder what she thinks of me now. 

What is your favorite childhood memory? Make it a happy one!

Perhaps... When I was young and my father went away on business trips in the holidays. Camilla, Lillian and I used to go down and stay at the holiday home for a few days. We’d go down to the beach and walk along the esplanade, get ice cream and just enjoy the sun. Camilla and I would sometimes make sandcastles on the beach while mother would read on a towel.

I miss days like that. Even before I became kindred, I missed those days.

What are your favorite things to eat and drink?

I used to like red velvet cake a lot. That and caesar salad.

And red wine, of course. Something expensive, the older the better, usually.

Who is somebody that you look up to?

My mother, most likely.

When you're alone, how do you like to spend your time? Hobbies and Interests?

I love reading, reading and learning. I used to practice at the gun range, but I’m getting the feeling that it’s not exactly safe to go there anymore. 

What is something you're really good at?

Persuading, manipulating, knowing the law, being a general nuisance to the Camarilla... I’m generally pretty good at a lot of things.

What is something you're really bad at?

Uhg... understanding others, I suppose? Having good morals? Computers... 

What is something that you're constantly working on improving?

Having better morals.

Share a memory that involves the person you are closest to.

I - well... There’s a lot. I watched Ralsei murder Christina and did nothing about it, that’s a pretty prominent memory. I prefer the ones between the violence though, those feel like the real Ralsei. You know, when he’s not riddled with guilt. It wasn’t necessarily a big moment, but after the court session with the Prince wrapped up, we went home and Ralsei thanked me. I turned back to him and told him that I wasn’t going to let them kill him. That was a nice moment. Something very personal.

What is a custom of your family or culture that you participate in?

My family were very big into Christmas, and we always put the tree up together in the holiday home wearing the ugliest Christmas sweaters we could find on the internet. Whoever wore the ugliest sweater and brought the worst Christmas ornament got an extra present from everyone.

There were some heated arguments about the worst ornament and sweaters sometimes. I once didn’t talk to Camilla for three days because her poop emoji ornament won over my drunk Santa one.

Still annoyed.

But, not sure what I’m going to do this year... it’s going to be rough, that’s for sure. First Christmas away from them.

How well educated are you? Do you speak more than one language? Are you well studied in a specific subject?

I have a Bachelors of Law, and consider myself well educated. I speak fluent French and am highly versed in aspects of American History.

What was your childhood like in general? Sad? Happy? All over the place? Describe it.

As mentioned prior, my childhood was... varied. Very school focused. But there were some good family moments too. Had father issues, but they were dealt with.

Are you at all religious? What do you believe happens when you die?

I’m not religious. When we die, we die. That’s it. The end.

Describe your clothing and your usual style.

Sharp. Stylish. Business. Red and black.

Do you have a job or attend school? If so, what is your job or what are you learning in school?

Not anymore! Well, I suppose I help Satya from behind the scenes, but I try to remain as hands off as possible.

Do you have any tattoos, markings, or scars on your body? What are they like?

Nothing notable

Is there anything about your appearance that you would like to change?

Well, a couple of months ago I honestly would’ve said nothing and that question would’ve been over and done with. But now? Fuck, I wish I wasn’t so goddamned pale!

Aside from your closest friend, who would you like to enjoy a relaxing afternoon with?

Satya, definitely. If I could, that was.

But if you want something more realistic - then perhaps Amanda or Blix. Perhaps we could go to a spa or something. That’d be nice. 

Do you listen to or create music? Do you enjoy it?

I listen to music occasionally. It’s nice, I suppose. 

What is something about the world you live in that is constantly on your mind? (War, Political Unrest, etc)

Discrimination, sexism - segregation. You know, the usual things.

If you were to pass a homeless person in the streets, what would you do?

Ignore them.

Where were you born, and where do you live now?

Adelaide... and I still live here. Unfortunately.

Do you prefer Spring, Summer, Autumn, or Winter? Why?

Summer, pump some warmth into this cold, lifeless body.

What is something you dream of accomplishing, but don't think you ever will?

Well, I like to think all my dreams are obtainable. Although ultimate power seems so far away, I still think it’s obtainable.

What's something that would make you really angry?

Someone touching literally anyone in my friends circle. I know that threat you made Sophia, I will hold you to that. Lay a single finger on them, I dare you.

What's something that calms you down when you're angry?

Cats, I suppose. Breathing, reading, being alone. All of the above.

Do you struggle with any physical or mental disabilities?

None that I’m aware of.

What are your three best and three worst personality traits?

As much as I hate to admit I have... flaws. I am aware of their existence.

My three best personality traits would probably be:

Resourceful Charismatic Determined

and my worst traits would be:

Bashful Blunt Complacent

Did you have any friends as a child that you are no longer in contact with?

Well, Satya I suppose. But everyone else I really didn’t keep close contact with. I didn’t necessarily care for them after high school ended.

If you fight with weapons, what are they? If not, what weapons do you think are cool?

My revolver, I use that a good chunk of the time.

Do you identify as the gender you were born with?

Yes.

What is your sexuality? Are you treated any differently for it?

I’m bisexual. I’ve never necessarily been treated too differently for it, I believe my father had some scorn when I brought a girl home one night, but that never really bothered me. I hated his guts.

What is an accomplishment that you are proud of?

Starting my own law firm with Satya.

How did you meet your closest friend?

Well. We were both brought to the Prince after being illegally turned into Kindred. It was interesting circumstances, but I know if we weren’t forced together then... well we would most certainly not be friends now.

How did you meet your second closest friend?

He walked down a staircase to the song Applause by Lady Gaga played on a portable speaker. He raised his arms and exclaimed “Darlings!” He went to shake my hand but ended up kissing knuckle.

It was one hell of an entrance. But, we’re close now.

Do you have any enemies? Who are they, and why are you enemies?

Oh, a good handful actually. Let me list them:

Xavier - I failed a ‘simple job’. Pretty sure he hates my guts.

Ryan - Brought me unwillingly into this life, assaulted me in doing so.

The Butcher - Assaulted Amanda, that made me mad so I shot his dick off after I met him.

The Prince - Things I’m an annoying nuisance fledgling. He holds the title I want. He’s also a dick.

Sophia - The bitch herself, genuinely hate her. Treats Amanda and Julian like shit, and shit talks Ralsei.

Facey - Some strange shapeshifter we met. Not sure if he’s dead, probably not knowing the Prince. But, he mistreated dogs then tried to manipulate Ralsei and I by shifting his face into those we care about.

Joe - I don’t know who you are. But believe me, you’re a dead man.

The Werewolves - I never want to see another one for as long as I live.

What is something that annoys you?

Disrespect, sexism.

What is a mistake that you've made in your past? Do you regret it?

Snowtown.

I regret every decision made there.

Have you travelled a lot? What was your favorite part of it? If not, where do you want to travel to?

I travelled a bit. I’ve been to Paris, Rome and New York. I loved learning new things and seeing different cultures in action, meeting other important people. Now... I think I’d actually like to go back to France again. With Julian, particularly. I’d like to see what he has to say about the place. I think that’d be very interesting.

Are you comfortable around people? Could you befriend a stranger, if given the opportunity?

No, not at all. I’m at my friend limit.

Have you ever been in a life or death situation? If so, what was it?

Every day of my fucking undeath.

Do you want to get married one day? What are your thoughts on children?

Well. I can’t conceive a child anymore. So that’s off the table. I also never really believed in marriage. It’s merely a legal binding, which makes death of a loved one a hell of a lot easier. So, maybe back when I was human, Marriage would’ve been a consideration, for law reasons alone. But, children? I’m a very work orientated person, I understand that having a child takes you away from you own life until you can set them up with their own. That’s a big commitment.

In terms of social status, where do you stand?

Well, I used to be pretty high up on the social ladder. Then some prick bit me, so, I’m not anymore. I’m pretty close to the bottom. And I’m sure i’ll be here for a bit longer, despite my best efforts.

Does anybody rely on you for something?

I suppose Ralsei. It’s always ‘Amara and Ralsei’, so we seem to rely on each other.

Also Jack. He relies on me for regular supplements of my blood source

Do you rely on anybody for something?

Julian, for literally fucking anything and everything.

What is a cause that you fight for?

Rights, fairness - any of my friends.

Have you ever been drunk or otherwise intoxicated? If so, what is something that happened while you were?

Quite regularly.

I vaguely remember one night when Satya and I went out a few years back... we drunk way too much. It was a fantastic night, I can tell you that much. But, the next morning - waking up in a bed with two unknown guys to the sounds of Satya retching in the bathroom was certainly an experience I’ll never forget.

Is there anybody you would die for?

Ralsei, Julian, Amanda probably. Blix too, I suppose.

Think of a friend or acquaintance you haven't yet spoken of. How do you feel about them?

I only keep a tight circle of friends. Everyone else either hates me or has a neutral disposition towards me currently.

Jacob interests me. But I don’t have enough information on him to back up any initial thoughts.

Are you competitive? Do you engage in any sports or competitions?

Quite. I like to win and come out on top.

I used to be on the debate team in high school and in Uni, but since then my competitiveness has shifted over to my work-life.

I’ve never really been a sport person. Camilla played netball, I did.. yoga. Well, she also did yoga, but I was better at it than her so she doesn’t matter.

Are you creative? If so, what do you like to create? Are you good at it?

Not necessarily. I have to come up with plans on the fly, so if that makes me creative, then, sure. I’m creative.

What are you the most afraid of in the entire world?

Well. The idea of Ralsei dying is pretty terrifying.

There’s also this... ambition that I have - and I don’t know how far it’s going to go to get what I want. I want Ryan dead. I don’t want to be Generation 13. Things line up, and it’s chilling.

Describe, start to finish, an average day in your life.

I wake up. Probably about 7 or 8pm. If I’m lucky, I wont get called to go on some incredibly dangerous and usually borderline suicidal mission.

Then, I would start researching, learning everything I can about kindred and the Camarilla - anything. When that all get’s too heavy, I take a break, check on Ralsei and ask if he’d like to go out and get anything to eat.

He’s a bagger so it’s hard. I’m trying to track down somewhere secure for him to get a supply source from.

Depending on his answer, we might head out. Mingle a little, get a drink. If I’m in the mood, I might drop by and see Julian.

Otherwise I’ll just head home and go back to reading, researching. Maybe I’ll watch a movie. Maybe I’ll watch a movie with Ralsei.

Then I’ll go back to sleep.

Do you celebrate any holidays? If so, which is your favorite? What is your favorite memory from that holiday?

All the usual holidays, Easter, Halloween (faintly) and Christmas. As mentioned above Christmas is my favourite.

My favourite memory from Christmas... well, there’s no specific memory, but the taste of mum’s food, air conditioner on full to justify us wearing our stupid sweaters... Camilla and I arguing over something, probably. Mother telling us to shut up...

Good times.

Would you prefer a peaceful nature walk or a trip to a busy city?

Busy city.

Growing up, did you have any important teachers or mentors? What's the most important thing they taught you?

My mother, really. She taught me to hold my own, to play the long con even if every second otherwise is painful.

If your parents or mentor knew everything about you today, would they be proud of you?

I don’t know. I really don’t.

Mother... might be proud.

What is something that excites you or makes you really happy?

Cats. Just, cats.

Do you have any really important secrets, or are you generally secret free?

Well, what Ryan did to me was one of my most well guarded secrets, but I apparently announced that in front of the whole court so not anymore. I try to keep my motives secret, but everything else about me open. It’s easier to mislead that way. 

If you were walking on the streets and you were attacked, do you think you could fight and win?

More than likely. Depends on who and what though. My hand-to-hand combat is... less than desirable. But if I had my gun, then perhaps.

Have you ever killed somebody? If so, why and how? If not, do you think you ever would?

Too many times to keep track. I’ve shot people, burnt them alive... And I’ll likely do it again. This life requires it.

What is your strongest physical trait? (Fast runner, very strong, super flexible, etc)

I can walk and run really well in heels. Otherwise I’m relatively flexible and balanced.

Have you ever been in love? If not, do you want to be? If so, with who, and are you still? If you aren't, how did it end?

I have never been in love. No one has proven themselves to me.

When you're alone and relaxing, what are you usually thinking about?

Revenge, plans... how to achieve my goals.

Do you have a lot of responsibilities? If so, what do they include?

A handful. I make an effort to take care of Ralsei, and others... even if it’s behind the scenes. I’m working on trying to find us a house, and finding a food source.

Among a variety of other things, I have a few.

Have you ever felt really guilty about something? If so, what was it?

I didn’t feel guilty at the time, but when I first met Julian and we were ambushed by hunters - I left him out in the open to die.

I think about that a lot.

Killing that 16 year old boy.

Not to mention, trying to drink Ralsei’s blood.

Do you have any habits, ticks, quirks, or anything like that?

Not off the top of my head. 

What complaints do you have about your best friend?

Ralsei is... well, he’s too soft. I understand he doesn’t want to kill - that’s okay. But a lot of our problems can be solved with just a little bit of killing.

What complaints do you have about your next closest friend?

Answer your fucking phone. I don’t care if you’re in the club, when Ralsei, Blix and I are facing people-dogs, I expect you to respond immediately.

Do you have any special abilities or talents?

I have my disciplines. Dominate and presence are very helpful.

Do you have any addictions or obsessions?

I’m sometimes obsessed with power. I’m sometimes obsessed with finding Ryan.

What drives you? (Your motivation or inspiration)

Keeping Ralsei and Amanda alive and safe.

What do you find attractive in a person, both physically and in terms of personality?

Confidence. Suave. I’m a sucker for brunettes. Both literally and figuratively. Brown eyes are nice too.

What do you think a stranger's first impression of you would be?

Intimidated, most likely. Impressed, perhaps.

Are you ashamed or embarrassed about anything?

Snowtown, messily failing to kill Detective Dickface.

Would you consider yourself to be trustworthy and honest? Would you lie if it benefited you?

I’m trustworthy and honest when it benefits me. I lie when it benefits me. 

Has anything huge happened in your life that you feel shaped or changed the person you are today?

Snowtown. Definitely.

What are some of your short term (less than 1 yr) goals?

Helping Amanda shrug herself free of Sophia.

Getting revenge for what that gang did to Julian.

Just... fucking Sophia up in some way.

Building my reputation back up.

How do you deal with stress? How do you respond to stressful situations?

Just keep going. Don’t stop.

What is something that most people don't know about you?

That I have an undying dedication to the Christmas Holidays.

Blank questions here!

[jewlwpet]

Space Pirate Mito, overall impression

This is a shounen anime from 1999. It’s sci-fi, as you might expect from the name. It has a wacky sense of humor, an endearing cast of characters, a fascinating and unique storyline, and some deeply affecting emotional scenes. It also featured numerous LGBT elements, the execution of which was... so-so. Could’ve been much worse, but also could’ve been much better. I do think it tries to present a positive message, and it isn’t always effective, but it is certainly memorable. There are numerous things that could’ve been improved, but I think the show as-is has a lot of value mainly coming from its uniqueness.

If you live in the U.S., it’s available for free (both seasons) on youtube from Nozomi Entertainment, just like Revolutionary Girl Utena is. Season 1 is also on both Crunchyroll and Amazon Prime; I don’t know what other countries this applies to. Piracy sites have this show too, of course, so you have options regardless. It’s also available on DVD for a surprisingly reasonable price, 22.49 USD from rightstuf, and that’s if you get it new.

Here’s the synopsis I like best for season 1, the one from animenewsnetwork:

Mito isn't just another space pirate, she's a three foot tall childlike alien with enough guts to outshine a supernova. She's known as the galaxy's most dangerous pirate, a wanted criminal who destroys a dozen police space cruisers every day before breakfast. But all she really wants is to be called "Mom."

Incidentally, Mito is voiced by the late Tomoko Kawakami, who also voiced Utena Tenjou! This was shocking for me to learn; they sound nothing alike, which just shows the versatility of her talent.

Wikipedia gives the following synopsis:

The first series of the farcical sci-fi title mainly revolves around the small space pirate Mito and her fights with and flights from the galactic police force, as well as her relationship with her half-human Earthling son Aoi, initially largely ignorant of his mother's spacefaring life.

This is basically accurate; however, there’s also a complex and compelling story that begins to unfold in the later episodes.

It’s in the unravelling of this story that the show’s LGBT themes are first introduced. I’ll insert a readmore here, because this post is getting long, so I might as well cut off before getting into plot spoilers: But if any of you goes off to watch it based on the above, there is a high chance you’ll end up checking back here at some point to determine if it’s worth sticking with.

If you’ve watched Simoun--another LGBT-related series that I adore and appreciate for its originality despite some serious flaws--this’ll sound familiar to you.

For Mito’s species, “sex differentiation” happens once a person is 10,000 years old. It’s not something that happens by itself, though; it is undergone by “choice.” I’m putting that in quotation marks because it certainly isn’t a free decision. Children are allowed to be flexible with their gender presentation, but “growing up,” in the eyes of society, means to become either a man or a woman, by fixed, preset standards. Those who don’t are socially ostracized.

In Simoun, at least, if you have your heart set on one role or the other, you can be sure to get it. Here... it’s not really clear, it seems that there is no such guarantee (I’m not sure if it’s just random, or if it’s arranged by one’s parents). Hence, it’s easy to imagine why some would find such an event absolutely horrifying.

One of the characters has a backstory that involves resisting this; I was really impressed with how this was established, except for the fact that this character did happen to be a villain. However, he (the character is shown saying “I’m a boy! I’ve already been differentiated” in his backstory, so that’s what I’m going with) joins the heroes’ side in the second season and is never made to conform, nor are the show’s protagonists ever anything but respectful.

However. For plot reasons that really do make sense in context (...sort of. it’s still contrived), Aoi ends up having to undergo sexual differentiation even though Aoi had been following a human pattern of physiological development up to that point. Aoi has no control over the process, and when it ends, everyone is shocked to find that Aoi is now “a girl.”

...Well, the humans are shocked. The aliens mostly take it in stride.

Aoi is also queen of the galaxy now, because sometimes that just happens.

For the record, this all happens in the final episode of season 1. This means that we don’t get to see the initial period of Aoi adjusting to this new role. Ultimately, I think that’s probably a good thing because it leads to many of the usual uncomfortable tropes being glossed over, but it also limits our insight into Aoi’s thoughts and feelings about this, which is pretty important. There are some mixed messages.

Something decidedly Bad is the way that the viewers are clued in on what happened to Aoi, which is... a couple of girls accidentally seeing under Aoi’s clothes and being shocked... and then the teacher wanted to look, ugh. That’s as bad as it ever got but it’s Pretty Bad for sure.

Onto Aoi’s reaction.

This is going to require some context. What first happened was that Aoi’s body became impossible for the aliens’ machines to detect as male or female, which led Mito to realize and explain that Aoi must be going through Sex Differentiation now. Only, the one weapon that could defeat the villain requires the user to have undergone it and be recognizably one or the other. This was the villain’s plan all along; he did “experiments” on Aoi to induce this, not out of a desire to cause suffering but for pragmatic reasons which still sound extremely contrived (though I was pleased to find that season 2 actually addressed why the weapons were built like this, whose decision it was, who was benefiting from it and how).

Consequently, Mito was demanding that Aoi “become either a man or a woman immediately.” Because Aoi had no idea how to control the process, the decision was made for Aoi’s (female) love interest to kiss Aoi and potentially “turn him into a man.” The reason I’m bringing this up is because notably, Aoi is not necessarily very keen on this idea, saying, “What about my feelings?” But it happens, and even, annoyingly, works long enough for the weapon to be used. (Not gonna lie, I was totally hoping that the opposite would happen and this would be the catalyst for Aoi taking on her True Form as a lesbian. That would’ve been epic). That said, it doesn’t last, and s2 leaves absolutely no room for the idea that kissing girls is inherently a “male” thing, so I don’t consider it a big deal on the whole, just such a missed opportunity.

Mutsumi, Aoi’s love interest, said in the end that her feelings for Aoi were the same regardless of what happened, but then ruined it by adding “Besides, I’m sure I can turn him back into a man.” (Aoi had not said a single word this point; she just thought that was something she could decide on her own, ugh--Mutsumi has clearly gotten over this by season 2, though; it never comes up again). At this point Aoi ran away “to find a planet where I can become a man,” according to the note left behind. It’s very possible Aoi just wanted to escape from everyone’s incessant comments and questioning, but that’s only speculation on my part. The next thing we see is Aoi being crowned queen, appearing somewhat exasperated and resigned.

Now onto season 2! Things get better... a lot better. Season 2 has its own unique and compelling story arc, with a new, more powerful villain. But the first thing to talk about how it opens, with an OP that seems to show a typical romcom with a scifi twist, one that happens to be about two girls. I love it.

S1′s OP centers around Mito, with this one centering around Aoi; because of that, it doesn’t feel like “now that we have a Female Protagonist we must make it a Love Story.” Just in case that was on anyone’s mind.

What the song tells us about Aoi’s perspective is interesting, but it can be hard to connect it to what’s shown in the show itself. It starts out with the line, “I’m a happy but lonely girl,” and includes the line “Hey, can you understand a maiden’s heart?” but Aoi certainly makes no such pronouncements withing the show (this would really make the show more comfortable to watch, because then it would certainly be Good and Right that everyone considers Aoi a girl now) and in my opinion would probably not feel comfortable doing so. I can imagine Aoi listening to a song like this and secretly strongly identifying, but that’s just speculation on my part.

I’m probably taking it more seriously than it was ever intended, but I will say, I don’t think it was made to be a mean-spirited joke. It doesn’t feel ironic. The visuals match the lyrics and melody rather than contrasting with them, and the upbeat tone is the same as that of the first OP. My best guess as to the motivation behind making it is that it’s to really bring the point home to the viewers that Aoi is a girl now and that that wasn’t just a silly joke ending to the first season but represented a major change in the status quo.

Early on in the season, Aoi has a dream about becoming a boy again and being with Mutsumi. If you want to believe the OP you could say that this is because Aoi feels that being with Mutsumi (romantically) would necessarily require being a boy. And this is a worry that Aoi canonically had, early on, but I think that most viewers would take the scene at face value and it might not be any deeper that that.

There was one other scene in the season that suggested Aoi would prefer to live as a boy, this one towards the end. In fact, Aoi shouts outright, “I would go back to being a guy if I could.” That said, the context is that a villain is torturing Aoi in an attempt to make that happen. Considering Aoi had already surrendered to that villain to save others (don’t worry, it all works out in the end), this could be as simple as “I would do what you wanted if I knew how.”

What I was hoping for, and what I think would have been awesome, is if at the end, Aoi would get a choice and would choose staying queen of the galaxy over becoming a man. Unfortunately, we didn’t get that. We do see that the experience has made Aoi a stronger person, more confident and expressive, and the show does end on a good note: The galaxy has been saved, and Aoi is free to be with the girl she loves, and looking as happy as in the OP for the first time ever, and has taken control of her life in general at last.

I didn’t mention this, but there’s another girl who has a huge crush on Aoi in season 2, and I was worried she’d be a “predatory lesbian” stereotype, but to my relief, this was not the case, and she ended up being one of my favorites.

She’s just like Nanami (from Utena--the director of this show actually directed Utena’s third ep, On The Night of the Ball) but openly gay and I LIVE for that. She has some great character development too.

[angelqueen04]

ASOIAF Fic Recs

Had an anon ask for some recs and um... yeah, I decided to post it separately because, I may have, um, gone a little overboard. Lots of different pairings involved below.

Yeah. 

Born-a-Girl Fics

I have an enormous love for these stories, as it's so much fun to see how the various dynamics of the Starks, and indeed, all of Westeros change when the one thing Rhaegar was wrong about in canon becomes something he was right about after all.

All of Madrigal-in-Training's stories on AO3, her profile being located here. I'd read a few born-a-girl!Jon stories before I started reading her work and had enjoyed the genre, but after I read her stuff, I damn near became obsessed. (Did I say ‘near’? I lied, there’s no ‘near’ about it - I did become obsessed. I admit it.) Most of her fics are WiPs, but she updates fairly frequently, so her stories are definitely worth following.

The Acquaint the Flesh series, by Author376.  In a Westeros where Soulmates are bound and Marked by the Gods to bind Houses together and pay blood debts, Lyarra Snow and Oberyn Martell are about to get a shock. The born-a-girl!Jon story to end all born-a-girl!Jon stories. I have re-read this series at least a hundred times and I still squee my head off every single time. The gods throwing together two complete opposites, an OFC who is so much fun, a Frey we can actually like, and that's barely scratching the surface! The series is also a WiP, but don't let that put you off.

And I'm calling for my mother as I pull the pillars down, by dwellingondreams.  Elia Martell becomes the Lady of Casterly Rock due to her mother's machinations. Robarra Baratheon becomes a princess due to the Mad King's obsession with finding a bride of Targaryen blood. The seeds of rebellion are planted all the same. JFC, who knew that Elia/Tywin could be possible? Well, in a world where Robert Baratheon is born Robarra Baratheon and is quickly snatched up to be Rhaegar's wife, it seems that it is. Of course, this switch up does not prevent Aerys and Rhaegar from setting the world on fire because they're either insane or obsessed with prophecy or both. Still, the affects of this change-up are really fun.

empire (i'm building it with all i know), by willowoftheriver.  Fem!Jon Snow is discovered to be a Targaryen as a chld, triggering an unfortunate marriage. Femslash ahoy! Viserys is still a nutjob, though. Words cannot express how much I love this two-shot series.

Oh, mercy, I implore, by SecondStarOnTheLeft. She collects friends with the same ease she conceives healthy babes - so her goodmother tells her, something soft and wistful in her sad eyes, and Berta cannot disagree. A different crown princess, and a different world. Jeez, but I do love these gender-flipped fics. This one is fun too. Girl!Robert isn’t taking any crap from Rhaegar, no sir.

Time-Travel or Fix-It stories

Three Tully Daughters, by ProcrastinationIsMyCrime.  Conflicts for the Iron Throne before the darkest hour led to the defeat of the living on Westeros. Jon must have known the fate of men for he’d drugged and snuck his sisters onto a ship set for Braavos. That had been the last time either Stark daughter had seen Jon. Upon Arya's death, Sansa encounters a Dornish bachelor in Braavos who by all rights should be dead. Armed with knowledge held by no other, she would sail for Westeros and save her home; for she was in the reign of Aerys II Targaryen. There would be less chaos for Littlefinger this time. Joffrey would never be born if she could help it. Cersei would never sit the Iron Throne. A time-travel story that actually doesn't solve the insertion process by having the character in question (Sansa, in this case) be reborn into a new family. A very ASOIAF twist! I was a bit wary of the Sansa/Jaime pairing at first, but in this story it works, OMG it works. Sheer brilliance. WiP.

Valar Botis (All Men Must Serve), by sanva.  “But you, Lord Snow, you’ll be fighting their battles forever.” Ser Alliser Thorne Every time he died his last in that life he awoke again in another at the exact moment of Ghost's birth. Jon Snow is the King of Groundhog Day. What more needs to be said? ;)

Aegon the Unlikely-era Fics

You and I conspire and split the ground, by SecondStarOnTheLeft.  Grandfather's boots are next, soft and worn where Father's are always polished to gleaming, and then Grandfather's hands, and then his face. He looks tired, under his beard, under his crown, but he is smiling when he reaches under the bed to her. "My sister Daella used hide under her bed with her dollies, when we were small," he says, his voice very quiet and very gentle. "Will you come out, poppet? Your grandmother and I would like to speak with you a little, if we may." Wherein Aegon the Unlikely actually doesn't wash his hands of his kids and their obsession with prophecies, wherein Rhaella Targaryen is the ultimate sweetheart who deserves Nice Things, and wherein Rhaelle Targaryen is a total badass. I have a huge love of the family of Aegon the Unlikely and their antics, and this fic is a favorite of mine.

Behind the Ballads, by Ramzes.  Jenny of Oldstones and her prince were a favourite theme for singers, their romance making them larger than life. What were they like in life? I absolutely love this behind-the-songs look into the life of Duncan the Small, and seeing just WTF he was thinking. Utterly brilliant. I'd also recommend you look at Ramzes' other work. She has at least two series about Rhaelle Targaryen, one that covers the same time frame as this one (but is not connected to this story), and one that is a series of AUs featuring what might have happened if Rhaelle had lived to the era of Robert's Rebellion. Definitely worth a look.

Coins, by ariel2me. QUOTE SWAP: Rhaelle Targaryen + “What sort of father uses his own flesh and blood to pay his debts?” Oh, the heart. It breaks. 

Crack Fics

Ned Stark Adopts His Way Through Westeros, by witchbreaker.  "This isn't my fault." And other lies Eddard Stark tells himself. A short fic inspired in the comments of Acquaint the Flesh, it is probably one of the funniest stories ever, not to mention adorable. Also, read the comments, as there is a hysterical little extra piece in there dreamed up by a responder and the author. The best.

A Helpful FAQ, by Siamesa. In a world where Renly Baratheon accidentally spent the War of Four Kings on vacation in Dorne, surviving King Stannis's small council meetings takes a clear understanding of people and politics. Luckily, he's here to provide both... or so he thinks. Ohdearlord, this one still makes me LMAO, even after having practically memorized it. Hilarious.

The Dragon and the Maiden, by modbelle. Viserys brings the Stark girl Joffrey's head. He's surprised by her reaction to this. He'd expected her to be upset, but she seems quite delighted by this. What a strangely charming creature she is, even if she is a Stark. Yeah, this one came out of left field for me, but holy crap who knew such a thing could somehow work?

AU Fics

Desert Wolves, by bluegoldrose.  "But Ashara’s daughter had been stillborn, and his fair lady had thrown herself from a tower soon after..." ~Ser Barristan Selmy What if Ashara's daughter lived? What if Ashara Dayne raised Jon Snow alongside her own bastard? What if Ned Stark never stopped loving Ashara even when he fell in love with Catelyn? The bastards of Lord Eddard Stark are the Desert Wolves. The true born children of Lord Eddard Stark are the Winter Wolves. Their lives are lived apart until the tides of war see fit to bring them together. Ashara/Ned is a ship that I cling to, and one that I am always on the lookout for in regards to fics. This one is one of my favorites, particularly since neither Catelyn nor Ashara is demonized. It's a WiP, and hasn't been updated in a while, but I'm still hopeful that the last few chapters will eventually be posted.

Winter's Crown, by orphan_account.  What if Rickard Stark had other ambitions? Or, a history of the Starks, from Torrhen to Rickard, in a world where they spent two and a half centuries building up their wealth and waiting for the perfect moment to declare their independence. A twist/expansion on all that we learned from World of Ice and Fire. Very interesting.

Lightning (Struck Before Me), by sanva.  “Send the letters,” her voice came out clear, unwavering, resolute, “request House Stark, Arryn, and Tully send representatives to treat and bend the knee.” Wherein Jon discovers something long hidden deep in the crypts of Winterfell and everything changes. This fic is part of a series, and I'm not sure if any more will be posted for it, but this is still fun to read on its own. A mix of book and show.

Dragonstone, by Danivat.  After the death of his brother, Robert Baratheon needs a loyalist Lord on Dragonstone. He also really wants back in Ned's good graces. Or, the Game goes on after the Rebellions. The Starks still won't play, but everyone is playing the Game all around them, and Jon Sand has somehow become an important piece. Robert Baratheon, unknowingly, is the Targaryens' greatest asset. This one could fall under either the category of AU or Crack, or perhaps both. There are quite a few divergent points, and they are listed in the notes at the start of the story so you will not be hopelessly lost. Very fun.

One Day (Is Now and Forever), by SimplexityJane.  Rhaegar takes Lyanna to Dragonstone, not Dorne. This story had the potential to be a complete and utter epic, but it also stands wonderfully as it is.

Kingdoms at War, by deathwalker.  What if Ned Stark wasn't executed at the Great Sept of Baelor? Instead, what if, he had been removed from Kingslanding before Joffrey could give the order for his head? What impact would this have had on the Game of Thrones? I've called this fic a "small step to the left" in the past, and it is so much fun, particularly since it’s based on a question we have all asked ourselves. Though, be prepared - this is a long one.

The Duel, by Aiur. The duel between Robb and Joffrey goes differently than anyone predicts.  Be prepared to shed a few tears here. That’s all I’m sayin’.

The Dragon’s Queen, by orphan_account. Aerys married his eldest son off to Elia Martell immediately after Viserys's birth instead of sending his cousin to Essos, and she bore Rhaegar three children before dying in labor with the last. Rhaegar is therefore a young widower when he crowns Lyanna Stark the Queen of Love and Beauty during the tourney at Harrenhal, and Aerys decides that his son will marry the lady. Here are seven letters Lyanna Stark sent in another world. I really love epistolary stories, and this one is so interesting. I wish there was more of it, because it hints at so much more. Very fun.

But you are of the North, by LuminaCarina. Ned Stark doesn’t visit from the Eyrie. Brandon, Lyanna and Benjen adjust. Very interesting idea.

The Squire of Dragonstone, by EmynIthilien.  Instead of joining the Night's Watch, Jon travels south to squire for Stannis on Dragonstone. Roughly spanning the events of A Game of Thrones through A Storm of Swords, Stannis and Jon investigate the royal incest mess, fight battles in and out of the courtroom, attend a joyous wedding, and come to rely on each other more than they ever expected. I call this one “Sherlock!Stannis and Watson!Jon”. A great trilogy of stories where things are actually taken care of, and in a legal-ish way!

The Lady of Storm’s End, by Sarah_Black. Sansa was supposed to marry someone brave, gentle and strong. Lord Stannis Baratheon was not what she had in mind. Or: The one where Sansa is never betrothed to Joffrey, never loses Lady, and only comes to King's Landing to attend King Robert's wedding feast. The king is marrying Margaery Tyrell as Cersei's treason has been exposed and dealt with. But things are never simple when the Iron Throne is in desperate need of heirs and wildlings threaten the peace... Another pairing that is a bit weird, but the author makes it work beautifully! The story is also inspired by The Squire of Dragonstone listed above, though it is not necessary to read it. The author explains anything you need to know in the opening notes. 

broken lovers series, by soapboxblues. wherein rhaegar wins the war, and jaime manages to keep his head by taking a stark for a wife I never knew Lyanna/Jaime could somehow be possible, but this series proved it to me. There are so many wonderful things about this series, I can’t even.

Kindness, Not Fear, by SecondStarOnTheLeft. In the wake of Daenerys' triumph, Sansa comes to King's Landing. Multi-POV post-series short fic.  An older story, but one that I still love to pieces. 

The Lion Queen, by Laine. I am the first of my kind, and the bards will sing of me for centuries after I'm gone. Ned Stark takes the Iron Throne, and he intends to share it with his Queen. Yeah, pretty sure I was going to hell for liking this pairing, but nonetheless, I do love it. Plus, a non-crazy Cersei. How often do we see her?

I Fear No Fate (For You Are My Fate, My Sweet), by vixleonard. Myrcella Baratheon always knew she would be married to a man for a political alliance. What she did not know was that she was going to be left in the North at 8-years-old to one day become the wife of Robb Stark and just how much it would change her life. I think this was one of the first ASOIAF fics that I bookmarked, and I still come back to it from time to time. A classic.