#I’ve been so out of it and haven’t been in my normal idk the word…. jam? vibe?

[rosicheeks]

?

[rozicheeks]

I’ve tried to stay away from tumblr for a bit but just can’t stay away from your amazing tits

[hoe-for-hopper]

A Crush On Eddie

Eddie Munson x Fem!Reader

Part 2 is HERE

WARNINGS: kind of a slow burn, unprotected piv, masturbation (f & m), drinking (reader is drunk, not during sex), vomiting (reader vomits)

Word Count: 4,983 (idk how that happened)

Summary: You've got a crush on Eddie Munson, so you drag your two best friends, Steve and Robin to Corroded Coffin's show. When Steve is too drunk to drive you home, Eddie offers.

A/N: I swear this was supposed to just be a one and done Eddie fic, but oops I got carried away and there's gonna be a part 2 (steddie) sometime in the next few days. Partially unedited, ends on a cliffhanger.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SMUT BELOW THE CUT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You, Steve, and Robin pull up to the shitty little dive bar that Corroded Coffin is playing tonight. You’re nervous, but you’re not sure why. It’s not like Eddie is even going to notice you. You’re just here to enjoy the show and have a fun night out with your best friends. Besides, you haven’t seen Eddie since you were all in high school and you hardly spoke with him then. He probably doesn’t even remember who you are.

Steve has no clue about your little crush on Eddie Munson. He has no idea that he’s the only reason you dragged them to the Corroded Coffin show. Robin, on the other hand, has been forced to listen to your lust filled rants about Eddie on more than one occasion. 

“Alright, I’ll grab the drinks, you guys go find us a good clean spot to watch them.” Steve shook his head as he made his way to the bar at the back of the room. 

You and Robin found a small table against the wall to the side of the stage. As you two placed your purses and jackets down you looked up and saw Eddie walking towards the bar and your heart skips a beat. He was cute, more than cute, really. 

“Oh God. Why don’t you just go talk to him? It’s not like you two don’t already know each other.” Robin is rolling her eyes as she follows your line of sight to Eddie.

“Because. What would I even say? ‘Hi Eddie, remember how we hardly talked during high school and weren’t even friends? Well, I’ve actually got such a huge crush on you that I dragged my two best friends to your show tonight.’ I mean, come on, Robin.” You let out a heavy sigh and sit down on the stool.

Robin finishes draping her jacket over her chair and sits down, “Well, maybe don’t say that. I was more so thinking of something along the lines of ‘hi.’ You know, something normal.” 

“What are we talking about?” Steve says as he sets down the drinks. 

You catch Robin’s eye and give your head a subtle shake. “Oh, we were just saying how I think that girl over there at the bar is so cute. Y/N was saying I should go talk to her, but I’m just way too nervous.” Robin winks at you as Steve cranes his neck trying to see what girl she’s talking about.

“I didn’t see a cute girl at the bar.” Steve says.

“Oh she must have left already. Anyway thanks for the drinks, I think they’re about to start soon.” Robin spins around to face the stage while Steve is still scoping out the venue for girls.

As all three of you sip your beers and continue talking, the lights dim and Eddie walks onto the stage. You’ve got butterflies already. Robin turns back to look at you, she’s got a knowing smirk on her face. You roll your eyes and take another swig of your drink.

After the first few songs, you start to loosen up a little bit. Steve has gotten you your second beer and you’re almost ready for your third. You really weren’t planning to drink a lot tonight, but you have been wanting to talk to Eddie and you figured the alcohol would make it a little easier.

The next time Steve goes to the bar, Robin pulls you towards the front of the stage. “Robin, what are you doing?” 

“Trying to help you get a closer look at your future boyfriend.” Robin is giggling so hard that a few drops of her beer splash over the rim of the bottle. 

“Please.” You’re rolling your eyes again, but you’re definitely enjoying the close up view of Eddie. You rake your eyes over him and you can’t help but linger on the spot right below his belt buckle. 

“I see you guys are getting in on the action!” Steve comes up behind you and hands you and Robin another beer. “I’m gonna go hang at our table. I’m trying to get this girl’s number, told her to meet me over there.” He walks off towards your table.

You turn back around to face the stage, and notice Eddie is looking right at you. Eddie Munson is looking at you. Your breath catches in your throat as he looks away towards the other side of the crowd. 

Robin nudges you and says “Oh my god! He totally just looked right at you!”

You punch her arm and laugh, but a tingly feeling flows throughout your body. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Corroded Coffin’s set, you and Robin head back to your table to find Steve deep in conversation with a girl that Robin apparently knows. 

“Well, I’ve got to run to the bathroom, I’ll be right back you guys.” You head to the bathroom in the back corner of the venue. 

You fix your hair in the mirror before walking back outside. As you make your way back to the table, an arm reaches out in front of you to stop you. 

“Hey, didn’t we go to high school together?” It’s Eddie. He drops his arm and steps in front of you. 

“Wow, you scared me. Uh yeah, we did.” Your voice is a little shaky. You can’t believe Eddie is talking to you. You knew it was probably no big deal. It’s not like he was actually famous or anything. His band played at a few dive bars around town and that was really it. 

“I’m glad you came out to the show. Did you have fun? I gotta say, I didn’t think this would be your scene. From what I remember, in high school you were in a different crowd.” He’s smiling down at you. 

You look past him to see Robin staring at you with her eyebrows raised. Steve is also staring at you, the girl he was previously talking to had left. You raise your eyebrows back before turning to look up at Eddie. “Yeah, I remembered you had the band in high school and saw you guys were playing tonight. I thought we’d come check you out.” 

Eddie looks over his shoulder and you see Robin and Steve quickly glance away. “I see you’re still friends with Steve Harrington.” He says his name with an annoyance in his voice. Eddie and Steve didn’t exactly get along in school and it seems like Eddie hasn’t forgotten that. 

You chuckle nervously, “Yep. We’re still friends. So, the show was good. You were really great up there.”

“Thanks. That means a lot. I’m glad you had fun. I’ll let you get back to your friends. Maybe I’ll see you around some other time? We’re playing here again next weekend.” 

“Maybe we’ll come watch you guys again.” As you walk back towards Steve and Robin, you try not to overthink too much about your conversation with Eddie.

“Didn’t know you were friends with The Freak.” Steve is saying as you all start gathering your things.

“Oh shut up, Steve. We’re not in high school anymore. Can you at least try to act like an adult?” Robin elbows Steve in his side earning a little “ow” from him.

As you all walk to Steve’s car, you’re telling them about Eddie’s band playing here again next weekend. It takes some convincing from you and Robin, but Steve offers to drive again next weekend.

“Do you like him or something?” Steve is asking you as he drops you and Robin off at your apartment.

You roll your eyes at Steve and say, “No, I just think it would be fun. And maybe next time you’ll have a little more luck getting some numbers.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” Steve says before he drives off leaving you and Robin giggling at the door.

You and Robin spend the night overanalyzing the conversation you had with Eddie. Or rather, Robin spends the night listening to you ramble on and theorize your outfit for next weekend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time the next weekend rolls around, you’ve spent countless hours going over how you’re going to talk to Eddie again. You’re still too nervous to approach him first, but you know you can’t leave the show without speaking to him. 

You hear Steve honk his horn outside and you make your way out front with Robin trailing behind you. Robin had been helping you get ready and listening to you freak out over what you should say to Eddie tonight.

“You girls ready to go? I hope this time is better than the last time.” Steve puts the car in drive and heads toward the bar.

Robin snorts and says, “Steve, you can’t base the fun you have on how many girls’ numbers you get. There’s more to life than girls.”

“Yeah, you’re one to talk.”

When you arrive at the bar, Steve grabs your drinks again and you and Robin head to the same table as last time. Robin nudges you, “Look who’s over there.” She’s smiling and you follow her gaze to the side of the stage where Eddie stands holding a guitar case and surveying the bar. 

When he spots where you and Robin are sitting he walks up to you. “Hi guys. Excited for the show?” 

You’re too nervous to speak, luckily Robin chimes in with, “Oh yeah. You guys were great last time.”

Eddie turns to look at you. You notice how handsome he is when his smile stretches all the way to his eyes. “Yeah, I’m sure it’ll be a lot of fun.” 

Just then, Steve returns and sets the beers down on the table. “Hey man, how’s it going?”

Eddie just gives him a little nod and says, “I gotta get up there, but I’ll catch you guys after the show.” When he says it, he’s just looking at you. You feel a tingling go through your body. You feel electric and you can almost feel the blush creeping up your face.

Steve stares after Eddie before turning back around to say, “Jeeze. What’s his problem?”

Throughout the show, you catch Eddie’s eyes a few times. Of course, Robin immediately notices and nudges you each time. When it’s Steve’s turn to grab the drinks, Robin is asking you if you’re actually going to make a move on Eddie tonight. 

“I have no idea. I mean, I want to, definitely. It’s just, I don’t know, we’re total opposites.” You gulp down the last of your beer. Robin assures you that Eddie would be interested just as Steve reappears with the drinks. You notice he’s swaying a little bit as he sets them down and you’re worried he won’t be able to drive home.

Corroded Coffin finishes their set and starts packing up, but Eddie breaks away and heads straight to your table. You stand up to greet him and that’s when you realize just how drunk you actually are. How many beers had you had? At least four, maybe even five? “Hi Eddie.”

“Hey. Like the show?” He’s still only looking at you and you’re not sure if it’s because he has something against Steve and doesn’t know Robin all that well or because he wants to look only at you.

“Yeah it was really great!” You’re excited and slurring your words.

All four of you talk for a few minutes longer before Eddie excuses himself to help the band finish packing up their equipment. 

Eddie is only gone for a few minutes when he returns just as you’re all gathering your things and getting ready to leave. Steve stumbles as he stands and he grabs the table for support. Eddie sees this and says “Hey man, you all right? If you’re not good to drive I can drop you all off.” Eddie offers.

Steves starts to protest saying that you’re all going to different places, but Eddie cuts in with, “Really, it’s no problem. I’ve got the van, you guys can just pile in the back.”

Robin and Steve turn to face you and your eyes are wide. Eddie Munson driving you home after his show? Of course, he’s also driving Robin and Steve home. And it’s because you’re all too drunk to safely get home. It’s nothing exciting. “Yeah, yeah. That would be really great, thank you, Eddie.”

Eddie leads the three of you out to his van. He offers you the front seat which you happily accept and the other two climb in the back. 

You can hear Steve and Robin giggling in the backseat. You’re hoping Robin isn’t drunk enough to spill your secret longing for Eddie. You know this is just a little crush and you’ll get over it. 

You give Eddie directions to Steve’s then to Robin’s house. Eddie pulls up in front of Robin’s and you get out to walk her to her door. “This is your chance, Y/N. You better go for it.” You whisper at her to shut up as she slips inside. 

Not much is said on the way to your apartment, but you’re filled with an electric buzz throughout your body. You’re not sure if it’s the alcohol or the fact that you’re sitting next to Eddie.

“Thanks so much for the ride. I really appreciate it.” You say as you start gathering your things. Eddie responds that he’s glad to give you a ride. You’re not looking at him, but it sounds like he’s smirking and you blush at where your mind goes. 

You try to get out of the van, but you can’t seem to grasp hold of the door handle without dropping all your things. You laugh as you realize the alcohol is catching up to you. 

“Okay, hang on, sweetheart.” Eddie notices you struggling, gets out of the van, and walks around to the passenger side. He opens the door for you to help you out. “Let me walk you in, I’ll carry your things.”

You hand over your things in silence as you process that Eddie just called you sweetheart. You watch as Eddie fiddles with your keys before finding the one to unlock the door. “Ladies first.” He has one hand on your elbow and the other is pushing the door closed behind you. 

As he sets your stuff down on the entry table you catch yourself saying, “Do you want to stay? I mean, just have a cup of coffee or something? Unless you’re tired. I know it’s late.” 

Eddie says that he would love to, so you head to the kitchen and start preparing a pot of coffee. When you turn back around, you’re hit with an overwhelming sensation in your stomach. You’re going to vomit now. There’s no way you can make it to the bathroom so you  lean over the sink and heave. 

The next thing you know, Eddie is there behind you. He’s taking out the hair tie that had been holding his long hair in a loose bun and pulls your hair away from your face to tie it back. You’ve never been more embarrassed in your life. You’re vomiting in your kitchen sink in front of Eddie Munson who is currently rubbing small circles between your shoulder blades. Through your noises you can hear him saying, “It’s alright. I’ve got you.” Despite your current situation, a rush of heat shoots down to your core. 

Eddie helps you to your bed, leaving to grab a glass of water. When he returns, you’ve slipped under the blankets and are almost asleep. “There’s a glass of water on your nightstand. Call me in the morning and I’ll take you to get the car.” He says before turning to leave.

“Wait. You can stay here, it’s late.” You call out to him from your half asleep state.

Eddie stands in the doorway, debating on what to do. Part of him wants to leave to not make things awkward for the both of you in the morning. He’s not sure if you mean he can sleep on your couch or your bed. 

As if reading his mind, you tap on the bed and roll over sleepily. He doesn’t need any more insistence and takes his jacket off before tossing it on the ground and crawling into bed next to you. He leans up to look at you and realizing you’ve already fallen asleep, he lays back down. As he does, he catches  a glimpse of lacy black underneath your skirt that’s crept up your thighs. 

Eddie is completely still on his back next to you. He’s never told you this, but he had a huge crush on you in high school. He was more than surprised when he’d noticed you while he was on stage last weekend. During the entire set, he had been thinking of ways to talk to you before you left. He was a little disappointed when he realized you were friends with Steve and he’d been hoping Steve wasn’t going to talk you out of coming to the next show. 

When he’d seen you again tonight, he couldn’t wait to talk to you. He’d been hanging out at the side of the stage, waiting for you to walk in. He spent the entire show trying not to stare at you the whole time. He felt like he couldn’t keep his eyes off of you. He loved the way your short skirt flowed around your thighs. 

Eddie felt you shift, as he looked over he saw that you had kicked off your half of the blanket. With your skirt almost completely up your thighs, he had a perfect view of the lacy black underwear you were wearing. He felt the bulge in his pants grow. 

He knew it wasn’t right to stare, but he couldn’t help it. As quietly as he could, he undid his belt buckle and unzipped his jeans. Slowly, he pulled his pants down just enough to free his hardened cock. 

As Eddie began stroking himself, he imagined what your hand would feel like wrapped around him. He thought about you staring into his eyes as your hand went up and down. He wondered what you would taste like.

Eddie continued to pump his hand up and down while alternating between staring at your ass and imaging all the things he could do to you. He lifted his shirt just as he spilled onto his stomach. Carefully, he got out of bed and made his way to your bathroom to clean up.

When he returned, he draped the blanket back over you and laid down next to you. He wasn’t sure how he was going to fall asleep with the knowledge that he’d just finished himself off a few inches away from you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, you’re awoken to the sound of a voice coming from your kitchen. It takes you a second to remember that Eddie Munson spent the night.

“Oh, you know what, here she comes now.” Eddie hands you the phone as you walk sleepily into the kitchen. You see he’s already made a pot of coffee and is now cooking breakfast.

You know it’s Robin before you put the phone to your ear, you can already hear her voice. “Y/N, was that who I think it is that answered your phone? Was he there all night? What happened!”

“Yes and yes. I’ll call you later okay?” You hung up before Robin could say anything else. “Hey, thanks for the coffee. You really didn’t have to make breakfast though.” 

“After what you did last night, I figured you’d need some energy this morning. Don’t worry about it.” 

You’re shaking and it’s not from the alcohol last night. You’re still trying to piece together what happened. After what I did? What did I do? And then it all comes rushing back to you. You vomited in your kitchen sink right in front of Eddie Munson. And then you invited him to bed. And he accepted the offer. 

Eddie sets a plate down in front of you and leans against the wall sipping his coffee. “I figure we can pick Steve up, take him to get his car. And then…” He pauses, unsure if he should say what he’s thinking. You raise your eyebrows and he continues, “And then I was thinking later tonight, you might want to grab dinner? With me, of course.” 

You almost choke. Is Eddie asking you out on a date or are you reading way too much into things? “Yeah, yeah sounds good.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Eddie drops you back off at your apartment after taking Steve to pick up his car. As soon as you’re through the door, you’re calling Robin. “Robin, oh my god.” You gave her a recap of exactly what happened the previous night - vomiting included. 

“You threw up in your kitchen sink and he still slept in the same bed as you. Wow.” Robin is laughing hysterically. “Steve, did you hear that? She threw up!”

“STEVE is there? Oh god, Robin I don’t want more people knowing about this. It’s embarrassing enough that I have to know.” You groan and slide down the kitchen wall to the tile. 

Steve has grabbed the phone from Robin. “Are you dating Eddie now? Because if that freak can get a date easier than I can, I swear…”

“Shut up. No, we’re not dating. Nothing even happened. Sure, we slept in the same bed, but that’s it. Okay?” Even as you’re saying it, you still can’t believe it happened. You tell Steve and Robin bye before you hang up and start getting ready for your date with Eddie.

As you’re in the shower, you think of all the things that could have happened had you not passed out. Your hand slips down to your folds as you slide your fingers around in small circles. You’re imagining it’s Eddie’s hands touching you. As you climax, you’re imagining Eddie’s fingers pumping in and out of you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You’re just finishing getting dressed as you hear a knock on your door. “Come in! I’ll just be a minute!” After trying on almost everything you own and calling Robin countless times for advice, you’d settled on a short flowy black dress.

When you emerge from your room, Eddie is sitting on the couch. As he looks up at you his eyes go wide and all of a sudden you feel self conscious. You look down at yourself and smooth your hands down your dress. “You look…incredible.” Eddie finally manages to choke out.

You smile at him and he almost melts. He rakes his eyes over you and without meaning to actually do it, he licks his lips. “You ready to go?” He stands up and grabs your hand, leading out to his van.

You feel an electric buzz that flows throughout your body, centered on where your hands meet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ You can hardly remember dinner as Eddie opens the passenger door to his van, helping you inside. You spent the entire time trying to think of ways to invite Eddie back to your apartment after dinner. You also spent quite a bit of time staring at his hands and imagining what they could do to you. So by the time you’re settled inside the van, your core is already pulsing with need. 

When Eddie arrives at your apartment, you’re surprised when he gets out of the van to follow you inside. “I thought we could hang for a little longer? I’ve been really enjoying talking to you.” He says shyly as you set your things down. 

The two of you sit on the couch and continue the conversation you’d been having about Steve. “He’s really not so bad once you get to know him, I promise.” You’d been trying to convince Eddie that Steve was actually a great friend.

“Well, I’ll believe that when I see it.” Eddie shrugs his shoulders.

Neither of you have mentioned the previous night. You know it’s probably not a big deal, nothing happened and Eddie was just taking care of you after you’d drank too much. 

“Want a beer?” Eddie nods his head ‘yes’ so you head to the kitchen to grab two beers from the fridge. 

When you return to the living room and hand Eddie the beer, your hands brush and neither of you pull away. When you sit down next to him, Eddie leans forward to set his beer on the coffee table. He turns to look at you, “You know, you really do look incredible. Thanks for going out with me tonight.”

You can feel a blush creeping up your cheeks as you set your beer down next to his. “T-thank you. You look pretty handsome too.” And he does. He’s wearing dark jeans, black shirt, and a dark leather jacket. You can’t help but think what he looks like under his clothes. As you look him up and down, your eyes stop on his lap. You can see a bulge, a very big bulge, under his jeans.

Eddie sees you notice and lets out a little chuckle. Before you can talk yourself out of it, you reach towards him and run your hand from his temple to his cheek.

Eddie stills, shocked. After a second, he grabs your waist and pulls you on top of him. Foreheads touching, you stare into each other’s eyes for just a split second before your lips meet.

Eddie’s hands are roaming up your back now, your hands tangled in his hair. “Fuck. I’ve been wanting to do this since I saw you at the bar.” He says into your mouth. 

“Mm. Me too.” You breathe just as he rolls his hips hitting your sensitive bud and you let out a moan. 

This is better than he imagined in your bed last night while he pumped himself. “I touched myself last night thinking about this. I was thinking about all the things I want to do to you.” He licks a stripe up the side of your face. 

His words and the friction make you moan into his ear. You tell him how you fingered yourself in the shower, imagining his fingers inside you.

Eddie swears he could cum just from hearing you talk. He scoots you back so he can pull his jeans down before grabbing your hips and rolling them across his cock. Eddie lifts up your dress and pulls your panties to the side. “Is this what you want?” He asks as his finger brushes your clit.

“Mhm. Yes, please, Eddie.” Your hands are pulling his hair and you place kisses down his face before sucking a mark on his neck. 

Eddie lifts you up so he can swipe himself through your folds before lining himself up with your entrance and sliding you down. You gasp as you take the full length of him before tugging his hair even harder.

He gives you a few seconds to adjust to his size before bucking up into you. You can’t hold in the moans that escape from your mouth and your entire body is trembling. You’ve never felt so full. You weren’t a virgin, but it felt like Eddie was stretching your walls as far as they could go. 

“Yeah? Is this what you thought about in the shower?” You can’t speak so you just nod your head ‘yes’. “Use your words, baby. I want to hear you.”

“Y-yes, this is b-better than what I imagined.” Eddie moved his hands from your hips to pull you to his chest. He cradled your head with one hand with his other resting on your lower back. 

Kissing your head he murmured praises into your ear. “You’re doing so good.”

“Eddie.”

Still inside you, he lifts you up and carries you to your bedroom. Placing you down on the edge of the bed and kneeling between your legs, he continues to pump in and out of you. Pulling your dress up he groped at you while using one hand to pull your legs to his neck. “Oh, you’re so wet for me, baby. Gonna cum soon?”

You can’t form words, you moan in response. But remembering what Eddie said earlier you manage, “Gonna cum.”

“Cum on me, baby.” he moves the hand from your tits to circle your clit. In seconds, you’re gushing around him. “That’s it, show me what you’ve been thinking about.”

Incoherent words and moans fall from your mouth as Eddie fucks you through your high. His thrusts become erratic and he’s moved to holding both your legs up against his chest. He’s gripping your calves so tightly, you know you’ll have bruises. 

“Where do you want me, sweetheart?”

Shakily, you whisper, “Inside me. Please.”

“All mine.” Eddie pulls you towards him as he thrusts and releases himself deeply inside of you. “Fuck.” He whispers as he lets your legs down and helps you into the bed. His jeans still around his ankles, he takes them off before climbing in beside you.��

You turn to face Eddie, your eyes glazed over, “I guess our date went well.” He laughs and pulls you in tighter. 

Eddie is tracing shapes along your back, “We’re playing at the bar in a few days. What do you say if you come as my girlfriend this time?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” You nuzzle your head into his chest. 

Just as the two of you are drifting to sleep in each other’s arms, there’s a knock at the door. You both sit up and listen to the person knock again, louder. “Hello? You guys in there?” 

You look at Eddie with wide eyes, “It’s Steve.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Part 2 is HERE

[www-jungwon]

in which roommate!heeseung insists on decorating, and you're sure he's up to something (why has he got so much mistletoe?) ୨୧

tw. yellinggg, kissing, idk what rlly went through my head when writing this its kinda cringe bro wc. 887

“ok, i give up.” heeseung looks over in confusion, holding a box of christmas decorations in his hand.

“just tell me! i give up.”

“what are you talking about?” he squints, shifting the box in his arm.

you shift on the couch agitatedly, pausing your tv show. “why are you hanging all these up? like, do you want my room, or you feel bad because you broke something that’s mine, or you’re trying to hint you want-”

“it’s for christmas spirit!”

you roll your eyes. you’ve been trying to figure out your roommate’s obsession with decorating the apartment for the last week, but every time he’s answered with the same response. ‘christmas spirit.’ christmas spirit your ass. you’ll figure it out, you just need a couple more days.

“sure.”

he raises his eyebrows innocently. “i don’t know why you don’t believe me.”

“maybe because in the 3 years we’ve lived together you haven’t ever even lifted a finger to help me put decorations up?”

he shrugs. “change of heart.”

definitely up to something.

–

heeseung is being weird. he keeps trying to hide his decorations when you walk in on him, like he’s scared of you seeing them. even though you’ll see them anyway, because it’s your apartment.

after seeing him drop his box for the third time in two days, it clicks. a party. that explains his controlling of the decorations to look his way, and the secret phone calls he’s been making. you absolutely hate crowds, and your one rule the only time you’ve lived here has been no parties. he’s never complained before, but you suppose he’s finally gotten tired.

you’ve never felt more betrayed. heeseung, the most considerate roommate you’ve ever had, heeseung who keeps track of the amount of chocolate in your storage, heeseung who buys you things just because they reminded him of you, heeseung who is in charge of all the groceries, no discussion. heeseung, who you think you might be in love with, that heeseung, trying to throw a holiday party in your apartment without your permission when you leave tomorrow.

and as you see him emerge from the doorway, his head brushing the mistletoe he hung, fiery anger builds up inside you. how dare he hum, act all normal like you didn’t just watch him try to hide his decorations, how dare he do this secretly, how dare he make you love him while he’s betraying you like this?

so when he asks what you want him to make for dinner, you want to hit him in the face.

“you what?” he asks, and the way his nose scrunches in confusion only makes you angrier, and you snap.

“lee heeseung, i hate you!”

his doe eyes widen in surprise.

“what? i-”

“you’re so stupid! i can’t believe you would do all this just for a stupid holiday party! over me!”

you’ve stepped up to him, him backing up slightly as you walk forward.

“i don't know what-”

“and i wouldn’t have cared if you just asked! i’m not even gonna be here! but i thought that you at least cared about me enough to ask instead of sneaking around.”

“y/n, i-”

“and you find it so amusing when i ask you why, and this whole time it’s been for a party? you’ve been lying to me, sneaking around, just so you can throw a party without my permission? do i mean that little to you,” your words are choked by a sob, “that little, that-”

“y/n, i promise i-”

“that little, that a party is more important to you than me.” tears cross down your cheeks, tracing over the edges of your face.

heeseung’s brows are furrowed now, a concerned frown pushed onto his face. “y/n, i swear-”

how dare he act concerned, when it’s his fault. 

a yell rips out of you, “you don’t get to care about me now! not after, not after this, not after i’ve spent three years loving you and you’ve just thrown all my trust away for a party.”

he’s broken now, you can see it on his face in the way his brows are drawn in and you know you’ve hurt him, and you feel awful. he watches you carefully, taking a deep breath before he moves almost imperceptibly closer.

“y/n.”

you sniff weakly, “yeah?”

his voice is soft with hurt. “i love you, too. and i’d never throw a party without your permission, and it wasn’t that, and i’m sorry i was being so secretive but i promise it wasn’t because of that and i think- i think you should look up.”

you hadn’t realized how close you were to him now, your hands brushing his. you turn your head up slowly, your lips almost pressing against his, and you see it.

the mistletoe.

“i love you, y/n. and i thought- i wanted to tell you, before you left and i didn’t know how, but since you were always decorating instead of me doing anything i wanted to do something nice for you, and then i realized maybe if i could put mistletoe up then you would get the hint and i wouldn’t have to say anything.”

his arms slide around your waist tentatively, pulling you into him, and you look down, falling into him as your lips push into his.

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

part of winters of us, an advent calendar : day 009 prev

extremely late sry

comment or send an ask to be added to the taglist !

general @bucketofhiros @addictedtohobi @ariadores enhypen @cutesiepatootsie @sammm5225 @eupherbia

[6ix9inewiturmom]

Wet Dreamz - Matt Sturniolo

Summary: based off the song wet dreamz by J. Cole idk if you need a summary just listen to the song :) takes place in matt’s pov the entire story!!

Warnings: Smut, masterbation,loss of virginity, Highschool matt (he’s 18)x 18yr old, POC!Reader

A/n: i was listening to this song and i immediately thought of matt, cause chris wouldn’t be nervous, matt would be! TELL ME HOW YALL LIKE THISSS!!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

“First time, she was in my math class, Long hair, brown skin with the fat ass”

Today was a normal day in mrs.Melvins math class, i walk in to my assigned seat in the back of the class, that’s when i noticed the seat next to mine that was usally empty had the most beautiful woman in it.

“hi! i’m Y/N! i just moved here from California!”

her words were like serotonin for me, she had the biggest smile on her face when i sat down next to her, she was fucking beautiful. a literal goddess sent from god himself. i had to know her.

“hey! i’m uh im matt! i uh live here.. but you probably knew that considering i go to school here…” fuck matthew you’re an idiot.. she knows you fucking live here how stupid could you be.

she giggles “you’re funny, matt”

i was caught by surprise by her complement, i was a total fool and she thought i was funny?

“oh i um.. thank you” i return her smile nervously

“mr.sturniolo and ms.Y/L/N, continue talking and i’ll separate you” Mrs. Melvin Spoke harshly, we both looked at each other and smiles.

“Sat beside me, used to laugh, had mad jokes The teacher always got mad, so we passed notes”

“is she always this mean? lol” Y/N’s note she passed me read as she pretended to pay attention with a cute cheeky smile on her lips, her plump lips, fuck matt you’re staring. i quickly turned away and wrote the note back to her.

“never to me, i happen to be her favorite you know” with a little winky face written next to it i pass the note back and she opens it and grins at me and playfully rolls her eyes.

our note passing lasted the rest of class, we weren’t even paying attention to Mrs.Melvin’s class, i can’t even remember what the lesson was about, i couldn’t get her out of my head.

“It started off so innocent She had a vibe and i started diggin' it, uh I was a youngin, straight crushin', tryna play the shit cool”

she always kept lookin at me with those sweet innocent eyes, with a beautiful smile on her face, her dimples on her cheeks every time she smiles at me. i need her in every way possible. i’ve never been in love this deep before. i’m so whipped and obsessed and i haven’t even hung out with her besides school.

“But i couldn't wait to get to school cause when I seen Them thighs on her and them hips on her and them lips on her Got me daydreamin', man, what”

the day ended and as i was driving my brothers home, not even paying attention to nick and chris arguing over little shit i didn’t even care to know about, all i was thinking about was her. my thoughts were interrupted by chris screaming in my ear

“MATTHEW… HELLO?!” chris yelled

“hm? what” i respond

“who’s got you so wrapped up in thought” nick uses his index finger to poke my shoulder

“no one, fuck off im just tired” i roll my eyes and continue to drive home

“I'm thinkin' how she rides on it, if she sits on it, if she licks on it”

As i got home the only thing i could fucking imagine is her beautiful plump lips on my cock, sucking me off and cumming on her beautiful face. i can feel the growing aching pain of a boner in my jeans as i’m laying in bed.

i slowly removed my pants and pull out my aching cock and start stroking up and down and immediately start groaning and rolling my eyes back in the back of my head.

“mmf, fuckkk Y/N” a small whimper leaves my lips as my cock starts twitching in my own hand imagining that it was her hand stroking my dick, cum shoots out of me spilling all over my hand and a loud groan comes out of my mouth.

“as time goes by Attractions gettin' deep and Wet dreamin', thinkin' that I'm smashin' but I'm sleepin', I want it bad And I ain't never been obsessed before”

i woke up with a huge wet stain in my underwear and on my sleep pants from my cum staining as i dreamt about her moaning and whimpering underneath me, me making her cum all over my dick, watching her legs shake from my dick sliding in and out of her repeatedly, her screaming my name over and over again, wishing i could just pound my cock

“FUCK” i groan loudly. i should be embarrassed im having wet dreams about this girl. i need to straighten up before i fuck this up.

“She wrote a note that said, “You ever had sex before?” Damn…”

i stopped in my tracks reading this, i looked over at her smiling up at mrs.marvins math class acting as if she’s “paying attention” with her innocent eyes and innocent smile. i wasn’t about to tell her i was a virgin. out of all the guys here in this school, me? i mean ive had a girlfriend but normally the girls go for chris, never me.

“I wrote back and said "Of course I had sex before," knowin' I was frontin' I said, "I'm like a pro, baby," knowin' I was stuntin But if I told the truth, I knew that I'd get played out, son Hadn't been in pussy since the day I came out one”

fuck, matt you’re so stupid, i fuckin hope she ain’t suspect i’m a virgin… i slid the note back to her with a soft smile on my face with panic on the inside of myself.

she smiles at my note and giving me a small wink before picking up her pink pen and writing something down and smiling and shooting me a wink before passing it back to me.

“She don't know that, so she done wrote back and told me "Oh, you a pro, homie? Well, I want you to show me My mama gone for the weekend So Saturday, baby, we can get to freakin'." That's when my heart start racin' and my body start sweatin'”

my fingers that are wrapped around my pencil were tapping my pencil on my desk nervously, there’s no way this is real… Y/N? me? no fuckin way… i’m prayin i don’t wake up from this dream if this is real.

i had to play this cool.

‘don’t fuck this up matthew’ was the only thing repeating in my head.

“i wrote back like "Yeah, baby, sound like a plan." Still tryna play it cool, sound like the man But I was scared to death, my stomach turnin' Talkin' shit, knowin' damn well I was a virgin, fuck”

the boner being restrained from my jeans is making me hard to focus, hard to breathe, i can’t even think of anything else other then how she looks beneath me making every sound escape her mouth because of me, because of my dick, but fuck she gonna find out i’m a virgin eventually.

“Yeah, you know that feelin' when you Know you finna bone for the first time? I'm hopin' that she won't notice it's my first time I'm hopin' that my shit is big enough to fuck wit' And most of all I'm prayin', "God, don't let me bust quick" I'm watchin' pornos, tryna see just how to stroke right Practice puttin' condoms on-how it go? Right”

i’ve been sitting in my room for about 4 hours trying to put some condoms on right, watching every porn video that was on the feed, trying to figure out positions, how to thrust my hips the right way, how to eat pussy, how to do everything right so she don’t suspect i’m a virgin, man i really want this to go well.

“yo bro you’ve been in there for fucking ever are you ever coming out” chris yells on the other side of my locked door.

“i just wanted a nap with no interruptions leave me alone” i lie with my dick in one hand and my phone in the other hand.

ive been at this for hours. i can’t fuck this up. i don’t want her to have a fake orgasm with me, that would be embarrassing as hell, i need this to be better then good for her. i can’t duck this up.

“I'm in her crib, now a palm sweatin' With a pocket full of rubbers and an erection”

“hi matty” she opens the door for me and smiles

“hi Y/N” i smile back at her walking in.

she takes my hand and drags me to her room decorated in her favorite artist and her favorite books sitting so perfectly on her bookshelf.

she pushes me down on her bed that was freshly made up and smelled like her, she straddles me sitting directly on my hard cock.

“you’re so beautiful” i smile looking up at her laying over me

she giggles “thank you”

she leans in and kisses me passionately, i use my hand and rub her thigh and squeeze a little before moving up to her hips and moving them hips looking for some sort of friction on my pressing hard cock.

“That's when my hands start touchin' and her face start blushin' And i roll over on top and then she Get my pants unbuckled and her hands start rubbin”

i softly groan at her hands now rubbing up and down on my cock with a smile on her face

“fuckkk Y/N” i grin

she smiles so innocently looking up at me with lust and excitement in her eyes. man i could bust like this. so fucking quick.

“it's time for action Pull out the condoms real smooth, yeah, just how I practiced But right before I put it in, she flinched and grabbed it and said "I wanna get somethin' off my mental I can tell you're a pro, but baby, be gentle, ‘cause—"

i was in utter shock, she was a virgin too? no fuckin way, i smile down at her and nod as i slowly push my cock in her tight hole

“god damn ma, you are so fuckin tight” i groan softly in her ear

“mpfh- matt please move” she says in a whimper almost

i slowly start thrusting in and out of her and a slight faster pace and holy fuck i’ve never been in this amount of pleasure before. i was in a state of euphoria

my pace quickens and i start groaning uncontrollably in her ear as she moans in mine

“matt im close” she whispers out with a loud pornographic moan as she releases all over my cock creating a ring around the base of my cock.

“fuck me too” my thrusts become sloppy as i pull out and finish in the condom.

we both crash besides each other and she looks at me and smiles with her deep brown eyes, i can’t lie to her anymore.

“can i be honest about something Y/N?” i say softly turning over on my side to look at her.

she turns over to her side so we’re facing each other “i mean you just took my virginity so you can say anything matt” she smiles

“good cause i ain’t never did this before…” i smile softly hopelessly panicking on the inside scared she might get mad.

she smiles at me softly and kisses my lips and i smile into her lips.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

A/N pt 2 SO HERES THIS!!! LEMME KNOW HOW YALL LIKE IT! tysm to @ribread03 FOR HELPING ME OUT ON THIS ONE! ENJOY!!!

[3xiles]

Sweet lies part two

Pairing •Toji x gn!reader

Warnings• Angst!, Cheating, suggestive (they like lowkey make out), manipulation, UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!, Cursing. Lmk if i forgot any!

Word count • 1079 words

A/n • I had this pre written ever since i put out the first part but was so hesitant on posting it LMAO! Enjoy! Masterlist is pinned!

You knew life after the honeymoon phase was rough but nothing could’ve prepared you for the drastic switch in you and Toji’s relationship. About two months the after you guys got married is when you realized the mistake you made. Your days went from him coming home from work and showering you with affection to him coming in with an inaudible hello. You were confused on what you could be doing wrong. He was coming home to a clean house with food on the table, a bath prepared and you all dolled up for him, just how he liked it. This went on for months and throughout those months he’s just been coming home later and later. The man who was once coming home every day at five now walking through the front door as late as ten at night. It didn’t bother you until your 26th birthday.

You woke up excited to celebrate your first birthday as a married woman. For your birthday last year Toji went all out so you couldn’t help but let your expectations be high! Toji wasn’t there when you woke up, which was normal because he usually leaves extremely early in the morning. You spent your day pampering yourself to the max, expecting to maybe go out later. Soon enough five o clock rolls around. You sit pretty and patient on the couch, telling yourself he’s just running a little late. You wait… and you wait.. sending text after text to your husband every hour.

Hubby💍❤️

5:30pm

Y/n: Hey babe coming home soon?

6:15

Y/n: Toj idk what you have planned but i’m super excited! see you soon❤️

7:23

Y/n: Hey is everything okay??

8:54

Y/n: Hello?

9:46

Y/n: Toji it’s almost 10 where are you?

10:27

Y/n: Toji?

You send your last text with tears falling from your eyes. You hate to think he forgot your birthday. It can’t be. He just got caught up in something. It has to be. You check the time one last time. 11:03. You then tell yourself you need to go to bed. As you stand up from the couch the door opens and the man you’ve been waiting for finally shows. You do nothing but stare at him, tears mixed with mascara running down your puffy cheeks. “The hell happened to you?” he says, taking off his shoes, tie, and blazer. He begins to unbutton his shirt, purple marks adorning his chest. That was in that moment when something in you just… snapped.

“Toji, what is today?” you slowly walk towards him. He shrugs, scratching the back of his head. “Look doll, i’m beat. Can we talk tomorrow?” he begins to walk towards the stairs that lead to your shared bedroom “No. Absolutely the fuck not.” oh crap. did you just say that? he stops in his tracks and turns to you. “Excuse me?” Shitshitshitshitshit what do you say? why did u say that? “Toji i asked you a question. What. Is. Today.” you keep up the tough girl act, too deep to back out now. “Y/n.” he walks closer to you but you back away “Toji today is my fucking birthday. Today is my birthday and i’ve been home all day thinking my ‘husband’ was going to at least come home on time but you were out fucking some bitch!” You begin to yell, crying harder than you were before. “The fuck are you talking about?” You weren’t stupid, you knew he was cheating but who were you to say anything. You were nothing without him. You didn’t want to ruin things. You can’t lose him. “Toji, i know you’re seeing someone else but i at least thought you would have some type of respect or decency to not do this to me on my fucking birthday.”You’re falling apart in front of him.

The silence is strong. He walks towards you and wraps his arms around you, holding you close. “Things just haven’t been right with me, i don’t know why i do the things i do. You know how much you mean to me baby, i never want to hurt you.” i never want to hurt you. Those words replay in your mind. He brings his hands to hold your face, wiping your tears with his thumbs. “You know I love you and only you, right?” you wanted to yell at him. You wanted to kick and scream but something in you made you believe every word he was saying. Instead of doing any of those things you just nodded. Shame rose in you but it all started to fade away when his lips connect with yours. You know this isn’t right, this isn’t healthy but that doesn’t stop you from wrapping your arms around his neck and letting his hands wander. “I’m so sorry baby.” his lips travel to your neck. You try to hold back sounds but he knows just what to do to get it out if you. “Gonna let me show my girl how sorry i am?” you just started at him. not wanting to say yes but you didn’t want to disappoint him by saying no either.

You have to draw a line somewhere. “I think i just wanna go to sleep…” Removing your hands from him and stepping back. His looks confused but he doesn’t press further. Is it bad that part of you wishes he did? You wished he would’ve showed some kind of kind want, not just wanting to fuck out of pity. You know why he didn’t tho, he already got his fix of pussy for the night and it didn’t come from you. What a shame.

That night you couldn’t sleep, you were up all night silently crying. Is this really what your life was? You had lost yourself in this relationship. Your 26th birthday was a wake up call. The next few days were rough, he was just coming home later and later. Not to mention he wasn’t even trying to hide his affairs, He started to be careless. Not bothering to cover the scratches or hickeys that covered his body, leaving his phone open when you could see messages from the multiple girls and having panties and various other items in his car that didn’t belong to you. It’s like he was trying to hurt you, but isn’t that what he said he never wanted to do?

[lilacskyly]

Honored Ones: Yandere Satoru Gojo x Reader

(This might be bad idk :,> not that proud of it)

Throughout Heaven and the Earth, he  is the honored one. 

Then what does that make you?

“Oh goddess~ You aren’t hiding from me, are you?” you heard Satoru Gojo coo as his steps echoed throughout the abandoned building. You covered your mouth, trying your best to cover your shaky breath. “You can’t hide from me forever~ You know we’re bound… right goddess?” You heard him laugh and then a chain rattled. You froze, staring at your wrist to see the spirit bind chain that was shackled to your wrist. “Stop fighting me. You already know I can sense you… right?” he questioned. Tears fell out of your eyes just as Gojo teleported in front of you. “Found you~”

You jumped before he covered your mouth. He put a finger to his lips, “Sssshhh my dear…. Ssshh… I’m here… those special grade curses are gone… there’s no need to cry!” He smiled for you before planting a small kiss on your forehead. If you didn’t know better, he would’ve just been his normal self. But, after you saw him kill those curses and some of his fellow jujutsu sorcerers for ‘getting in the way’, you knew you couldn’t trust his smile.

“S-satoru…”

His smile only grew upon hearing his name come from your lips. God.. those perfect lips of yours. He was practically salivating.

He snapped himself out of his thoughts. “Yes my goddess?”

“W-where are the others?” you asked.

“The others? Oh… you mean the pests. They're gone now. They can't bother us now~” he whispered in your ear. “You cryin’? It's okay my goddess… you're safe now.” 

He took your hand in his and lifted you off the ground. Despite your fear of him, you hugged him and started crying even more. He engulfed you in a hug as well. “Never do that again.” he said, getting scarily serious for once.

“I-I won’t! I swear I won’t!” you cried. He knew better than to take your word for that.

He sighed, “Let’s go home goddess. You’ve had a long day..”

You couldn’t track how long it took you to get to his place. Time always seemed to mush together when you were with him. You couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or not. Gojo locked the door behind you two when you entered his place. He collapsed on the sofa, pulling on the spirit bind chain to get you to come over. 

“Y’know goddess, I never imagined being this close to you…” he started. “After all, you’re barely a jujutsu sorcerer my dear… it’s a miracle we even met.”

“... y-yeah… I-I’m sorry, I’m really weak..” you said, looking down at his hands. 

He shook his head. “Stop lying to yourself. You may not be as strong as you want… but soon enough you will be.”

“H-how?”

“I’ve been hinting at a surprise haven’t I? I think it’s about time I finally reveal it.” he smiled softly at you.

You tilted your head, confusion spread across your face. “W-what do you mean?”

“You’re almost entirely mine, my precious goddess~ Did you figure out what I’ve been doing yet?” he asked innocently. 

Wait. He didn’t.. He fucking wouldn’t.

He smiled after seeing your expression. “You’ve figured it haven’t you? You’re so smart my goddess! I’ve been putting drops of my blood into your food I’ve prepared for you… and you know how your cursed technique works.. Right?”

Of course you did! You weren’t stupid.. Were you?

“Your cursed technique isn’t very practical… at least for you. You have to quite literally consume a part of a person to gain their strength. But but but! If you ingest too much, your life becomes officially theirs to control. It’s funny really.. You get stronger but you become less and less you the more you do so!”

“G-gojo… w-what..?”

“Look my goddess… I know someone as holy as you could never be mine… so, I’m taking fate into my own hands. We will be together now, forever. No matter what you do, you won’t be able to die as long as I’m alive. You can’t even escape me in death. We’re bound, remember goddess? You’ve sealed your fate the very moment you agreed to this.” He grabbed your wrist, showing the spirit bind you two established. You both had to ingest some of each other's blood to even establish it. You just wanted to be stronger… to be protected by someone…

You should’ve died to those curses in that building earlier.

Before you knew it, Gojo tore at his wrist till it bled heavily. He held it up for you to drink his blood. He chuckled as you looked at him in horror. “H-how… how long have you..”

“Oh, since we made the pact. I’ve had my sight on you for quite a while my dear.” he said nonchalantly. “Now, drink up. Haven’t got all night.”

You shook your head causing him to laugh loudly. “Seriously? You’re still being stubborn? You really don’t get it dear… you’re mine.” His blue eyes pierced your own, seeming to tear into your brain. “Now, drink.”

Your body moved without you as you downed his blood. The taste was repulsive, you hated doing this. Gojo however seemed to be enjoying it as he petted your hair muttering ‘good girl’ every now and again. He pushed you away after some time. “Now now dear, we don’t want to suck me completely dry, do we?” he teased.

“Mhm…” was all you managed to say.

“Y’know… the pact is fully made now, right? Ha! How funny! I can literally control you now!” he laughed lightly. “We can claim this world as ours… and ours alone. After all, we’re gods… together we are the honored one…”

He pulled on the now fully materialized chain around both your wrists and hummed cheerfully. 

“Let’s go have some fun, shall we?” 

[elliesappetite]

Mamma Mia (Jackson era)

A/N: I've been wanting to make this story but I've always been putting it off, also i've been wanting more angsty stories but everything is just pure smut ;(.

pairing: joel miller x reader

rating: mature

word count: 1k

warnings: angst, angst with a happy ending, potential smut (idk), pen names, insecurity, jealousy, miscommunication.

⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☽ ◯ ☾₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧

You wouldn’t say you’re avoiding the Texan man, no you’re just, busy with patrolling. For the past few months, you and Joel Miller were happy, well by happy it means you and him always end the day with each other in a bed. Mostly Joel’s bed when Ellie is away with school, training or just hanging out with Dina and Jesse.

You wouldn’t also say it was a “friends with benefits”, more…two people who want to let out some steam kind of thing. So, by definition, friends with benefits. In the beginning, you and Joel made this promise that neither of you will fall in love with each other, making it less “difficult” and less “complicated” in his words.

You met him in Boston when it was you, him, and your older sister Tess. When she died, you and Joel got closer, much, much closer. You were so close in fact that you would cuddle when it’s too cold, or if one person has a nightmare which is normally him. Don’t fall for him, don’t fall for him. You kept repeating in your head every time you get near him.

But you messed up.

You messed up royally.

You broke the one promise.

You fell for the man.

You fell for the Texan man who is constantly having every woman’s attention; as they drool over him and his muscular arms, and his muscular chest. 

It’s been hard, not being near him. But you cannot be around him, so you’ve taken up a lot more patrolling, but unfortunately you and him were put together for patrol.

It’s also hard seeing him with a certain woman, Marge. She’s more his age, and that scares you, it scares you to pieces.

So here you are, at the Tipsy Bison, nursing a drink as Tommy’s sitting down next to you.

“I need to ask somethin’.” He says out of nowhere.

You turn your head in confusion.

“Did something happen between you and Joel? Is there an issue? You’ve never had a problem with him before, you two are so close.” Tommy pointed out.

“There’s no issues it’s just…” you sigh, lowering your head as you sip the glass of alcohol in your hand. “It’s just complicated Tommy, really.” You assure him and attempting to reassure yourself.

He places his hand on our shoulder, giving it a light tug. “If my brother is givin’ you a hard time, you can tell me.” He informs you as you nod. “Thanks Tommy I just…” you let out a breath. “Like I said, it’s complicated.” You look out the window, seeing the moon popping out, knowing that if you don’t leave now, you won’t end up sleeping tonight. “Thanks for the talk, really, but I need to get home, I’ve got early patrol tomorrow.” Tommy lets out a hum before giving you a small smile, as you leave for home.

“Fuck my life” you mutter to yourself as you prepare for tomorrow morning.

Fuck my life indeed, as you prepare your horse, Lady, for the upcoming patrol, with your rifle hanging on the side, and your pistol (with the safety on) tucked into your back pocket, as you mentally prepare for what may happen with Joel.

You haven’t spoken to him in two weeks, with the excuse of ‘I’m busy’, ‘I have to help Maria’ and so on. It’s been killing you, but your insecurities over whatever relationship you have with Joel is too much to handle.

He’s spending so much time with Marge, noticing he’s slowly pulling away, knowing that you could never compete with a beautiful woman like her who actually is Joel’s age.

You were too busy with Lady, you didn’t notice Joel leaning against the door frame to the stables, arms crossed as he admires you. He doesn’t understand you; he doesn’t understand why you’ve been avoiding him. He doesn’t understand you. He needs you.

He clears his throat, causing you to jump slightly.

“You ready?” He asks as he holds onto the strap of his bag.

You nod, giving a small hum as you check one last time to make sure everything is in place. Joel notices the quietness. He doesn’t like it. He hates it. Just like he hated the two weeks of radio silence from you. What did he do? Why are you not rambling to him about patrol or about what funny thing Ellie pulled?

You grab Lady, knowing it’s going to be a longggg morning.

After an excruciating ride, you and Joel finally manage to reach the patrol station, where you attach your horses inside, keeping them nice and warm from the snow outside.

You spot Joel staring out the window, observing the sky.

“You see something?” You question as he continues looking through the window.

“Clouds. Storms comin’” He mentions as he turns his head to look at you. “Right.” You respond awkwardly, not sure what else to say.

There’s a pregnant pause, as you both stand there, him looking at the view, you looking at him.

“Do you hate me?” He turns around, noticing how your eyes widened and your mouth opens and closes, unsure about the words.

“What?” “Did I do somethin’? Am I not good in bed? What is it that made you avoid me for two fuckin’ weeks?” Joel lets out his thoughts, as you stare at him in surprise.

“I’ve just been busy-““Busy my ass.” He steps forwards. “What did I do?” His voice deep as he eyes burn into you.  

“I’ve been avoiding you because of Marge.”

He scoffs. “Seriously? You’ve been avoiding me because of Marge?” You nod. “Yes, I’ve just felt you pulling away recently so I- ““So you’re jealous that I’ve been talking to her?” “I’m not jealous, I’ve just felt you’ve been pulling away recently because of her.”

He scoffed at you once more as he rubs his forehead.

“I was scared about our relationship-““We have no “relationship” y/n.” He cuts you off. “This” he gestures between you. “Is just us fooling around, we have sex and nothing else.” Ouch.

He steps forward. “You’re too young for me, and frankly the fact you’re jealous of me talking to someone is immature. And also, I can be with whoever I want, I’m single, and if I like her, I like her.”

What the fuck?! Out of anger you slapped him. He didn’t expect that. “You’re an asshole Joel Miller. You think I’m immature? Then I guess you don’t need me anymore.” You yell out before grabbing your rifle and heading to the opposite side of the room, ignoring him for the rest of the morning.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA (idk if asshole is the right word or more creep idk) for keeping younger friends after high school?

Ok so I (F16) am autistic + struggle socially and my high school has like a unit to support people who are disabled or neurodivergent in some way, I spend most of my breaks and lunchtimes in the classrooms here and have been since I started here, and over that time I’ve made a lot of friends there but the issue is some of them are a few years younger than me

I’ve been friends with most of them for like 3 years now and I don’t think I specifically approached them or anything we just ended up meeting via spending time in the same place at lunch and made friends because we have similar interests/personalities, I didn’t see anything wrong with it but I’m starting to doubt that/I’ve seen people calling it weird (age gap friendships in general, not me specifically)

I have other friends outside of this group who are my age,both in school and who go to different schools, but then the group I mainly spend my lunches with is mostly people younger than me except my best friend S (f15, same year group in school though we just have like a few months apart) - started by me meeting my friend (m15, again same year just a few months) little sister let’s call her P (f14 + in the year group below me) and making pretty good friends with her and her best friend

It’s a British school so you start in y7 (age 11) and leave in y11 (age 16) so I’m leaving in a few months, friend group is me, S, P + her friend who are also in the year below me, 2 who are in year 9 and one who’s in year 8 (she’s 2010 I think and I’m 2008), let’s call her L

I know that sounds really weird and makes me sound like a creep but pretty much all of these I met when I myself was like 13 and they were 11/12, apart from L who started hanging out with P last year and sitting with us which caused me to make friends with her. For most of my time in school I haven’t seen a problem with this because they’re my friends and nothing more (I’ve been in love with someone for like 2 years now and she’s the same age as me soo) but I keep seeing like TikToks of people saying it makes you a pedo for having younger friends and i know it isn’t true but also I’m worried it’s creepy for me to have these friends even if it’s strictly platonic because idk I miss social cues a lot and I don’t know maybe having friends in a younger school year is weird

For the rest of school I’m just treating it as normal because I only have 3 months left, I’ve been friends with most of these mfs since 2021 and I’m not going to start being really distant to them now because that would be mean and they’re my friends who I care about but I feel like when I graduate it’s different and it’ll be weird for me to be friends with them as a college student when some of them will only be like year 9, we have a group chat and stuff but I feel like keeping touch with them would make me come off wrong but also cutting contact with them would be really mean

I’ve been bullied since I was in primary school I’m talking like year 3 and a lot of the people in my year group don’t like me even if I’ve basically never spoken to them (again this makes me come off wrong but it’s bc I’m “emo” aka im not emo I’m just quiet and somewhat alt and because I masked a lot less when we started hs so I was like. Harmless but weird/cringy 11 year old and even though I’ve changed a lot since then people still have that impression of me, i was also outed as bi in year 7 in a school full of homophobic people so there’s that) and so idk I feel like if people already don’t like me they’ll jump at anything to make me seem like I’m a bad person

Tl:dr I’m a 16 year old and my youngest friend is 13 but I feel like once I leave high school it’s no longer socially acceptable to have younger friends and that I’d be a creep to keep in contact, am I right That id be a creep for having young friends or am I just paranoid ?

[idek-anymore-what-the-heck]

Whumpril Prompt #15

Mind Games

TW: brainwashing, non-con psycho analyzation (idk if that’s a word but I think it makes sense), torture, memory loss

I just love psychological warfare. I’ve been reading up on it quite a bit, and it is just so interesting. I know that sounds a bit wrong, but I can’t help it!

Brainwashing is just *chefs kiss*. When my pets are bad, they just get another round and it is absolutely lovely!!!

The blank stares in their eyes when I am finished is the bane of my existence. Unfortunately, none of my pets have been too terrible lately, so I haven’t been able to do it for a while. Maybe I’ll do it just for fun!!!

PET POV

Master is terrifying. Her mind games are awful. Sometimes we can tell when she is getting into that mood- she gets restless, and gets angry quickly, just waiting for one of us to mess up so she can experiment on us some more. It happened yesterday to number 7. He accidentally tripped- he is supposed to be the graceful one. Master didn’t even hesitate- she just grabbed his ear and tugged him to the room. When 7 came out a couple hours later, all the blood was drained from his face and he couldn’t even remember where our room was. I had to feed him because he couldn’t do it himself.

This meant that when master came out of the room, normally she would have been satisfied.

But today something was wrong. She wasn’t as normal and chipper as she typically was after a session. Instead, her face was dark and she looked the same as before. She walked out, and made eye contact with me. Crap.

She came over to me and I quickly looked down, trying to do my work with her staring.

“Number three?” She huffed. I looked up meekly.

“Yes, master?” This was going terribly.

“Come with me to the room.” She turned and walked back to the room. I was horrified. She already had a session! She never does two in one day! What did I do wrong??

I slowly stepped over to the room and opened the door. Master stood behind a table with arm and leg restraints. She beckoned.

“Come, lay down.”

[ranhaitanisgf]

aaaaaAAAAA CONGRATS ON 2K !! IM SO HAPPY & PROUD OF YOUUUUU ILYSM YOU DONT KNOW HOW MYCH I LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR HCS 🗣!!

ofc i HAD to join on this event 🤩 may i have a scenario for “oblivious ‘best friends’ “ & “getting sick” with inui? where reader FINALLY realizes that inui actually cared for her more than a friend would ? preferably fluff 🛐 TQSM LOVE I APPRECIATE IT [cry] <3

— inui [inupi] seishu // obvlivious best friends // getting sick

[𖤐] ANON THATS SO SWEET !!!! im sorry for disappearing for so damn long !!! i hopeeee yall enjoy this, as i went wayyyy over word limit once again !! i also rewrote this like two hundred million times cuz i was struggling w the vibes idk ... anywho. enjoy my loveliessss xoxooooo

wc ; 1.7k+

masterlist || 2k masterlist

inui was worried. 

well, he wasn’t sure that that was quite the word to sum up how he was feeling at the moment, but it was the best he could come up with at the moment. 

his worry had started around a week ago, when you had stopped showing up to toman meetings. it was highly unusual, since even though you took on more of a strategic role rather than a fighting role, you still would attend every meeting to offer your input on different issues and how to solve them. you prided yourself on your intellect and being able to strategize, so the first day you hadn’t shown up, it was already ringing alarm bells in his mind. 

after the second, third, and fourth day, inui was sure that something terrible had happened, and somehow nobody had told him. however, even after asking around all the divisions, and even mikey himself, he concluded that nobody had a clue as to where you were. every time he tried to call your cell, it went straight to voicemail, and all the texts that he sent were still on delivered. 

and so now, as any best friend would do, he showed up at your apartment. 

he had visited a couple times in the last week, repeatedly pressing your doorbell and knocking on the door for what seemed like forever. he didn’t want to intrude into your home, but his worry was getting to its peak, so, as an normal person would do, he decided to break your door down. 

sure, he felt pretty guilty about it, especially since your landlord would probably give you hell about it, but the pros outweighed the cons in this situation. 

pros: he gets to see if you’re safe. 

cons: your landlord gets angry and increases your rent, your door is broken until it gets fixed, your neighbors will be upset (maybe), you might get kicked out of your apartment. 

yeah, in his mind, the pro outweighed the cons. 

with a strong kick, inui swiftly kicked beneath the handle of your door. as expected, it wasn’t the strongest thing, so it opened rather easily, even having the courtesy to stay on the hinges. 

“(y/n)?” his voice rang throughout your apartment, feeling a bit on edge at how messy everything was.

 had someone broken in and kidnapped you? did you get robbed and they ended up abducting you? what if-?

“what…the fuck.” inui’s jumbled thoughts cleared up the moment he heard your voice, (was it a bit more raspy than usual?). you had emerged from your bedroom, a blanket heaped over your shoulders as you blankly stared at him. 

“(y/n)...” without much thinking, inui took a couple hasty steps forward and wrapped his arms around you, relief flooding through him. “do you have any idea how worried i’ve been? why didn’t you pick up any of my calls?” you sniffled a bit in his embrace, making him step back a bit to get a better look at you. 

your eyes were rimmed red, and now that he was paying more attention, he realized that you were really warm. your hair was quite a mess, and despite the thick blanket that you were holding over your shoulders, you seemed to be shivering. 

“well, that’s ‘cause my cell’s been dead and i haven’t charged it.” you jerked a thumb over at the living room couch, which your dead cell phone was laying on. “what’re you even doing here though? did you break the door?” your eyes wandered behind him, seeing your door wide open, looking back at inui as he froze a bit at the question. 

“yeah…i’ll pay for a new one. is this why you haven’t been responding? because you’re sick?” 

“i think you’re smart enough to answer that question yourself.” you mumbled, turning around and walking back to your bedroom. “now, if you’ll excuse me, ‘m gonna go back to sleep…” after taking another couple steps though, you felt yourself stumbling as your vision began to blur. 

your wavering frame was steadied by two arms at your shoulders, quickly leading you to sit down on the edge of your bed. as your vision came back, you noticed inui kneeling in front of you, his brows pinched together with worry as he slipped his cool hand onto your forehead. 

“you’ve had this high of a fever this whole time?” 

“yep…” you could barely keep your eyes open at this point, your head bobbing up and down as you tried to stay awake. 

“hm…just go back to sleep.” 

“will do…” you mumbled, flopping back onto your bed and getting under your blankets. 

inui looked down at you as you passed out almost immediately, feeling worried and a little bit betrayed. why hadn’t you called him? had you been taking care of yourself this whole time? 

he settled onto the edge of your bed, carefully pushing some strands of hair out of your face. gently, he pulled some of your blanket up, tucking you in, the corners of his lips turning up as you buried yourself deeper in the blanket. 

cute…

--

“...up…(y/n)...wake up…” you groaned at the subtle shaking of your body, turning over to try and go back to sleep. “(y/n)? just wake up for a few minutes and you can go back to sleep.” the smell of something good wafted through the air, which was enough to make you slowly open one eye, turning back over.

inui was above you, leaning over as he made sure you were awake. his blue eyes became a bit softer when you finally opened both of your own eyes, staying over you for a moment more than was necessary before leaning back. carefully, he handed you a small bowl of rice, a fried egg on top of it with some soy sauce, handing you a pair of chopsticks. 

“you should eat if you want to get your strength back.” you dug in without another word; the most you had been surviving on in the past week was crackers and cheese, since that was the only thing you were able to eat without doing any sort of cooking. 

however, your eating paused when you felt inui pushing some of your hair to the side, unpeeling a cold pack and carefully sticking it to your forehead. he was a little bit closer than he probably needed to be; you could see the flecks of green in his blue irises, his eyebrows still pinched together a little bit as he looked at you. 

ba-dump!

now that you were a little bit more awake, you became quite conscious of how messy your hair was, and even more so noticing how sweaty and gross you were. your fingers ran through your hair, trying your best to take some of the tangles out as you looked to the side, embarrassment flooding through you. you hadn’t called anyone on purpose; you hadn’t exactly wanted anybody to see you like this. 

“er, thanks…” 

“...” 

“...seishu…?” you questioned, feeling a bit awkward as he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts. he looked back at you from his seat on the edge of your bed, a somewhat faraway look in his eyes. 

“hm?” 

“uhm, are you alright…?” at your question, inui opened his mouth, then closed it again, seeming to be thinking about something. he mulled over it for a few more moments, the silence feeling just a tad awkward, before he started to speak again. 

“i wish you had called me.” he said, a tone of hurt in his voice. “i was worried that something may have happened to you…and even if you’re just sick, i just…” inui paused, fiddling a bit with a piece of his hair as his ears turned a bit pink. “...i wish that you would rely on me more.” he sighed, his head pulling down a bit as he stared at the ground. 

the straightforwardness of his words caught you wholly off guard; you had not been expecting that sort of response from him. 

you felt some guilt flood through you at seeing his sadness, laying your chopsticks across your bowl as his words echoed through your head. you supposed that you probably should have just let him know that you were sick instead of trying to disappear for a week or two, since you probably would have also been worried if he had tried to pull a stunt like that. 

“i’m sorry…i just didn’t want anybody to see me like this. i don’t exactly look the best right now, so-” 

“you look good.” 

“...” you stared at the boy seated next to you, trying to find any sort of lie in his eyes. instead, he just kept looking back at you with the most honesty in his eyes, a slight smile across his lips. “you’re a weirdo…” you murmured, feeling your heart skip a beat when you realized that he seemed to be serious with his words, (was your face feeling hot because of your fever?). 

inui didn’t reply to your half-hearted words, instead taking the bowl from your hands and placing it on your bedside table. 

“you should get some rest.” you stayed sitting up for a moment, your eyes tracing over all his fluid movements. his blue eyes suddenly flicked back to you, the eye contact finally breaking the trance you seemed to be in, making you immediately lay back down and cover the bottom half of your face with your blankets. despite the embarrassment you were suddenly feeling, there was also a giddy feeling you felt as you watched inui adjust your blankets, making sure that you were all covered up. 

“are you going to leave?” 

please say no.

“well, no…your door doesn’t close now, and i’m not going to leave you here to let just anybody walk in.” 

“oh, right. forgot about that…” you giggled a bit at inui’s sheepish expression as he stood up, clearing off your bedside table and standing up. 

“get better soon, (y/n).” there was a small smile on his face as he exited, gently closing your door behind him. when you were sure he was gone, you couldn’t help the euphoric smile that spread across your face, pulling your blankets a bit over your face. 

did that really just happen!?

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hello sex witch! this may or may not be something you can answer, but I was wondering if you had any advice on kind of disentangling the emotional aspect to sex? I’ve only slept with one person, and tbh I really psyched myself out bc I didn’t want to be the stereotype who gets way too obsessed with the person who took their virginity. I’ve never felt comfy doing casual sex to get more experience and a lot of that hang up is mental, and my friends advice has always been to meet guys on apps until something clicks, which to be fair I haven’t tried but idk. it seems like the wrong order of operations? like I need to sort out my emotional shit before dragging other people into it, even if I never see them again. it’s also not like an anti sex positive thing, I know Logically casual sex is fun and normal I just can’t seem to untie all that. I hope this was coherent lol, thank you so much for answering questions on this, it’s very helpful to have an objective take!

hi anon,

I think a crucial addition to everything you just said is the almighty "for some people." for instance, "casual sex is fun and normal... for some people." this isn't to suggest that sex between people who aren't in a committed romantic relationship is ever abnormal, of course, only that everyone's individual norms are different. frisbee golf is fun and normal, but that doesn't mean I personally get anything out of it. keep your frisbee away from me.

if casual sex isn't comfortable to you (a thing that you said, I'm not putting any words in your mouth) just. don't do that.

it's fine to save sex for a relationship where you're a little more attached. wanting a more substantial relationship with your sexual partner(s) doesn't make you obsessive, and it doesn't make you sex negative; sex negativity is what happens when you want everyone to have sex exactly the way you do and make up justifications about why the other ways are amoral and dangerous. what you have is, like, a preference, and an extremely harmless one at that.

you've made some allusions here to having some "emotional shit" to sort out before having sex with someone else. if you're referring to your disinterest in casual sex, that's not actually a problem. if there's a different flavor of emotional baggage that you feel would make you poorly positioned to be a responsible sexual partner then sure, by all means work on that first and good on you for recognizing it. but if the entirety of this perceived issue is that you'd rather go out a bit first and get to know someone before you have sex with them, that's nothing. that's something easily resolved by just talking to prospective partners about exactly what flavor of relationship they're seeking to make sure your goals align.

I prescribe you this chill pill, to be taken immediately, and assure you there's nothing about what you're doing that sounds like it needs to change.

[nerves-nebula]

I sometimes get uncomfortable around arguments about if certain characters are abusive or not- obviously I see this the most with 2012 tmnt and nobody really needs my opinion but I keep thinking about it so here’s some words to chew on.

Keep in mind I haven’t seen much of 2012 so I’ll mostly be talking about the WAY I see these discussions being had here, rather than the show itself.

I doubt the creators intended for the turtles to be abusive and I kind of just assume that everything they do is within the genre of slapstick kids show. But I also don’t think people who cringe away from the way they treat each other are reading too much into it.

I’ve seen people argue that ppl who think the brothers are abusive just don’t have siblings and that’s an insane take to me. Obviously its probably hyperbole in some instances but as someone with more siblings than most of the people I know, I 100% see the abuse reading of this series. It’s a very obvious idea to latch onto for me as someone who HAS been abused by my siblings- and who’s probably been abusive too.

The main thing that really gets under my skin is when people point out how much the turtles actually care about each other as evidence against abuse. Cause that doesn’t make any sense ??? you can abuse people you love and care about deeply.

And it really rubs me the wrong way when I see a post that’s like Raph can’t be abusive because he does X nice/cute things with Mikey or something like. That’s not how abuse works. You guys have to know that right?? Abuse isn’t just a person being mean 24/7 without pause.

A bit of a tangent coming up, but growing up, I really hated Mabel from gravity falls. not because she is inherently any more annoying or selfish or anything than other characters but because the way she treated dipper was extremely triggering for me as a child with a lot of anxiety. Like if Mabel was real and my sibling, I would’ve considered a lot of the shit she did abusive. Obviously I’m normal about her now cause I’m not 12 anymore but the biggest hurdle about watching that show when I was younger was that I would sometimes be brought to tears of frustration, imagining how scared and distressed I’d be if Mabel did that shit to me.

THE POINT of this tangent is that saying “the 2012 turtles aren’t abusive because I do that stuff with my siblings all the time/cause teenage boys are just like that” isn’t a genuine critique because abuse isn’t just about the action it’s about the relationship. Punching your sibling who’s actually ok with being punched isn’t abuse. Punching your sibling who really doesn’t want you to, and who you KNOW really doesn’t want you to, and who you KNOW would be genuinely upset by being punched? That is abuse.

And I find it annoying because I think we’re all aware that abuse was likely not the intent of the show. (Probably not even the text of the show but once again can’t say for sure) Maybe some dysfunction for drama, but probably not abuse, so you’re really just arguing against someone’s headcanon/personal interpretation of this show. And it’s like.. ok you have a different reading cool I guess.

In the show they aren’t treated as abusive, but fandoms are built around exploring different aspects of art that weren’t explored in canon. So I guess idk why this is a big deal.

Idk I think people have this idea that abusive = evil and always wrong. But abuse is just someone hurting you repeatedly and refusing to stop for whatever reason.

And with a show like 2012 where it’s all played for laughs it can be hard to tell if that’s how they are with each other because they’re ok with it or if that’s how they are cause they don’t know any other way. The turtles are kind of really mean in 2012, and wether that’s a familiarity kind of meanness or not is up to you in fandom, yknow?

Does Mikey actually consider Raph hitting him as like a fun part if their banter or is he coping with jokes about being physically abused? You decide! Like genuinely it can be either and I think that’s fun!

I mean obviously you all know what i’d pick, but that’s because I’m blissfully aware of what I want out of stories and what i want is nuanced discussions of abuse.

Personally, I acted very similarly to the 2012 turtles when living with my siblings, but I didn’t actually fucking like it. It was a defense mechanism because being genuine would only be met with ridicule. So I’m not inclined to agree that it’s fine because it’s just what they do.

Once again though, I doubt it was on purpose. And if you don’t think that they’re abusive then congrats! The show probably doesn’t either! So I just don’t see why people get super upset about it. Don’t you love that someone got a different story out of the same media??

Anyway obviously it doesn’t super matter and I don’t really have a horse in this race. I just got a bit annoyed with the way abuse is discussed and as a hobbyist Abuse Analyst I thought I’d weigh in.

I wrote this instead of going to sleep and it’s sooo late and also so much longer that I meant for it to be… y’all better not have bad takes in response or I’ll be annoyed as hell tomorrow morning, guh.

[badaziraphaletakes]

In which some poor innocent unsuspecting reader submitted an ask and I respond by throwing an entire textbook at them

Like seriously i won’t even be upset if no one reads this PhD dissertation, like actually what is wrong with me omg

The ask:

I want to start by saying I love this account and really appreciate the rebuttals I see here to some of the messed up stuff the fandom’s spit out over the past few years. That being said, the most recent post about “the creepiest take you’ve ever seen,” was one I disagreed with strongly. It’s entirely normal to enjoy watching media where characters have breakdowns. It is not a desire to see a person breakdown. It is a desire to watch a good story.

(Edit: Just realized I somehow omitted to include the full text of the ask here. I apologize for the error! Will fix it soon. -Mod X)

My response:

Hi and thank you for your kind words! (Also idk why there is this huge gap in the text here, sorry haha!) If it were a necessary part of the story, or a part of the story that made sense, I would agree. But it’s not necessary (esp not at this point in the story) and therefore wouldn’t be “good”, if we are defining good art as being emotional truthful, which I imagine is a pretty uncontroversial definition.

Side note: We already saw him have this exact shattering breakdown in Uz. So that renders most of what I am about to say (and arguably some of what you have said) somewhat moot. But I’m going to continue anyway because some of the points brought up here touch on issues that I think bear re-visiting often.

It’s cathartic, it’s engaging, and it helps people who’ve been through the same thing see themselves reflected. For example, I like watching someone on tv hit rock bottom with their addiction because I’ve been through that, and seeing them finally realize they have to work on recovery and actually do it is motivating and empowering.

I’m so sorry you’ve been through that. I haven’t (although I am estranged from an entire side of my family due to alcoholism and meth addiction, which is a whole fun thing), so I can’t comment on this too much.

But addiction is not the same as an ab*sive relationship. (I do have knowledge of those, both from life experience and from my previous job in ab*se research. I edited a newsletter about family violence research for several years.) Seeing a person suffering from addiction realize they want to work on recovery, and realize that the substance they are addicted to is messing up their life, can make sense. Especially if they're in a place where they're able to work on it and have the opportunity to try to change.

But seeing an ab*se survivor “realize they need to get away from their ab*ser because they’re evil and have a breakdown about it” doesn’t make sense, because being trapped in an absive situation is not about “motivation” or what they think about the abser or even, really, about "empowerment". (Side note that word is thrown a lot to delude women into thinking our capitalist system is working for us rather than oppressing us. But I digress.) It boils down to the fact that they are in danger if they leave. The situation is not within their control.

(This next part is not directed at you, but at the general readership, in case this is helpful discussion for anyone: A lot of addictions aren’t within people's control at all either. It depends very much on the drug we’re talking about, the health of the individual, the quantity and duration of the addiction, whether the person has access to the healthcare they need to be cured, and whether there’s a way for them to get free from the broader societal dysfunctions that led to them being trapped in this situation in the first place.)

Also, with addiction, people can absolutely get past that without losing their sense of self and their identity. If they go through that kind of crisis in the process of healing from addiction, I would argue that something is very wrong. (Not with them, but with the society around them). In a best-case scenario, a person suffering from addiction would have access to the kind of mental and physical healthcare and support system that lets you get free from that without a shattering breakdown or loss of sense of self.

Besides, not everyone who has an addiction has toxic beliefs about themselves or their own identity or other people, etc etc. (Babies who are born addicted come to mind, if we want to talk about the most extreme example.) So I find the idea that addiction is down to toxic beliefs about one's self very suspect. I would argue that 95% of the time, addiction happens because your life sucks. The mental health community is starting to have this conversation about depression and anxiety - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to work on one's "limiting beliefs" and "destructive thought patterns" can only do so much to help you feel better when your whole life is shit anyway. And it can actually make it WORSE if the victim is made to believe that their depression is the fault of their "Faulty thoughts" rather than a reasonable reaction to a shitty situation. Not necessarily saying we should throw CBT out the window altogether, but I am saying that mental healthcare will be a LOT more effective when it learns to truly take the broader societal context into account. I suspect, I hope, we'll soon be having a simialr conversation around addiction.)

And that’s doubly the case for ab*se survivors. They’re not stuck in that situation because there’s something wrong with them that they need to fix. They’re stuck in that situation because there’s something wrong with the ab*ser.

Regardless of the victim’s personal worth as an individual, regardless of whether they’re a good person or what-have-you, they don’t deserve to be ab*sed.

(I'm just waiting to hear about how some therapist tells a victim to work on their "limiting belief" that they need to stay with their ab*ser in order not to be killed, and/or tells them that fearing their ab*ser will kill them is a "cognitive distortion", and tells them to stand up to their ab*ser and/or leave, and then the ab*ser kills them. But I digress.)

And the loss of self when separating from a toxic system that’s defined your whole life is a real thing some people go through. It’s not bad consider that Aziraphale could also go through that, or to want to see that experience reflected.

I want to be very clear that I don’t have the smallest objection to people wanting to see that in a show. But a. that’s not what the person was saying, and b. they were also saying it’s necessary. IT’S NOT. I can’t emphasize this enough.

Loss of self is the worst-case scenario for how something like that goes. Nothing good comes from that. That is a side effect of ab*se (because the ab*ser’s the one who says that “Everything you are is bound up in me and you’re nothing with me"), not an integral part of the process of getting away.

Trauma is not necessary for character growth.

The way these things should go is that the person is able to gradually and mindfully work through the beliefs that are poisoning them with the help of a therapist, trusted friends, etc.

I know what I’m talking about. I worked in trauma research for over seven years. Please trust me on this one.

And again, Aziraphale can’t “separate” from them anyway. There’s nowhere he can go where they won’t find him. So his beliefs are irrelevant to his situation. And if the show implies that his beliefs “need to change” as part of the earth being set free from heaven-hell’s tyranny, or that he “needs to change” in order to be free, I will be writing a strongly-worded letter to the creators.

But more importantly, *they didn’t just say giddy.* They also said apprehensive. Perhaps they’re apprehensive because they know it could be painful to watch. Or because they don’t want to see it handled poorly.

“Giddily apprehensive” sounds an awful lot like “excited” to me. I admit it is ambiguous, though, so I’ll give you that one. I maintain that the OP expressed themselves with an exceptional lack of grace, however. And fwiw, they’d be FAR from the first person to want to see Aziraphale suffer because they are mad at him. I think I have good reason to believe that's what they're getting at here, given how many people in the poster's orbit say the same kinds of things and how many other things I've seen the OP say that are along those lines. I acknowledge I should have made that clearer in my original post.

They aren’t giving this advice (if one could call it that) to a human. They’re saying they’re excited to see a character breakdown. Character arcs like that are common and enticing for good reason.

I have yet to see a reason why I should believe that the things people say about Aziraphale are different than the things they say about people in real life.

I would point you to a couple lines down where you say yourself that we respond to characters the same way we respond to real people.

Personal growth ≠ character growth.

But what makes a good character is that they act like real people.

As an audience, character growth (even negative) is engaging.

Yes, absolutely. But we can absolutely do character growth in a way that does not spread harmful mindsets or misinformation about what ab*se and recovery from ab*se looks like. In fact, I would argue that character growth can’t happen if the writer doesn’t write the characters to behave in a way that is realistic to real life.

Characters follow the same rules, though. We respond to characters the same way we respond to real people. The same general rules of personal development and so forth apply.

The idea that “Aziraphale realizes his ab*sers are terrible” is something he needs to do for his “personal development” is highly objectionable. He doesn’t need to grow in this area. He just needs his ab*sers to leave him alone. Side note: We should give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he already does think they’re terrible and only stays with them because he is terrified. Even if this hadn’t been strongly and frequently hinted at in every episode going all the way back to S1E1 - almost every scene, in fact - we should still give him the benefit of the doubt.

Also, even if we say, for the sake of argument, that Aziraphale was a terrible, awful, horrible person - I know you’re not saying that, to be clear - even then, he still wouldn’t “need to realize his ab*sers are terrible” or “have a complete breakdown” or “lose himself” in order to grow. That's not how growth works. The best growth happens when people are at peace and safe and loved. Not frightened and confused and alone. He never chose them in the first place, he never wanted to be on their side. If he were left alone, he would just spend the rest of eternity reading his books and eating Eccles cakes and snuggling with his former-demon. That’s who he really is. There’s nothing about him as a person that needs to change. I agree a story where a person loses their sense of self after escaping from an ab*sive system would be interesting to watch, but I maintain that it does not make sense for the context of this particular story. And, such a story would NEED to make clear that the person wasn’t bad or wrong for deriving some part of their sense of self from the ab*ser and that they shouldn’t have had to have a catastrophic breakdown in order to develop their own sense of self. No one should have to go through that.

It’s not the same thing as asking for personal growth from a real human being.

Good characters do not operate according to different emotional and psychological rules than we do, though. If they didn't, we wouldn’t have millions of people sobbing about how real Aziraphale and Crowley feel to them. We would be the biggest dodos in the world if we were reacting this way to paper dolls 😄

Comparing the desire to see a character go through a dramatic storyline like that (and to come out of it strong and shining) to fundamentalist rhetoric is… just total bullshit.

You said this blog has been a good place for you and I want it to continue to be that way for you. So I want to give you a chance to revisit this part and see if you can say something more constructive. Because I've gotta admit, this really made me upset and I can't let it go without saying something. It’s not cool to call someone’s commentary “bullsh*t” like this.

I heard the line “we must die to ourselves” many, many times from the high-control religion of my childhood. It is a classic cult line. Hence why so many cults have "burial and rebirth" rituals, make people change their names, etc.

I am not just making up a comparison. This is a real phenomenon. Controlling ab*sers are the ones who’ve given us this idea that “death of the self” is character growth. It’s not. Character growth happens in spite of those excruciating emotional crises, not because of them.

Growing as a person is supposed to feel good overall. Not always easy, but on the whole, it should be a positive experience.

Also - Again, they said he “needs” to do it.

And they didn’t say anything about Aziraphale “coming out strong and shining”. You added that in. I think it's wonderful that you want to see that for him (so do I) but that’s not what this person was saying

If they'd said that, I wouldn't object to it at all. But they didn't. That part was left out. Which I think may be very telling in itself.

There are a myriad of reasons someone could have that desire, including having gone through something similar themselves.

Having gone through something similar doesn’t necessarily mean it makes sense for another character. It also doesn’t mean it’s necessary. And having been through something that went a certain way does NOT mean that it happening that way makes sense for someone else.

Deconstruction from a religious upbringing is different from leaving an ab*sive relationship

Aziraphale doesn’t have religious trauma. (I’m not going to talk much about religious trauma and deconstruction here, because it’s outside the scope of this blog, largely because - as attested by no less an authority than Neil Himself - Good Omens is not about religion. But I’ll say a little bit.)

Heaven and hell are not a “religion” in his world - they’re real. His fear of hell (and of heaven) is absolutely, one hundred percent, completely legitimate and appropriate, and NOT something he should be “reasoned” out of. Saying otherwise gives “your ab*ser isn’t actually that evil and scary”. But regardless, in either scenario, that kind of traumatic personal crisis is not a necessary part of the healing process. My heart aches for all the people whose deconstruction process was emotionally shattering. But what makes it ache even more is how for so many of them, the takeaway is somehow that that kind of crisis is necessary - rather than "dear god, i hope no one else ever has to go through that kind of hideous experience to get away from their shitty religion", which surely is what the takeaway should be (assuming there even is a lesson to be learned at all from an experience like that, which is doubtful) - and they go on to demand it of other survivors and gatekeep against people who haven't gone through the exact same thing they did in the process of getting away.

How, HOW did we get to a point where so many people’s deconstruction is a fucked-up, scarring experience that we think it’s inevitable for deconstruction to be that way????? I grieve.

I know the idea of killing one’s old self is inherently wrong to many people.

It’s not about whether it’s *wrong*. If that's valid for someone and they get where they need to be - you do you. It’s about the fact that it’s painful and it’s unnecessary to the process of growth.

Furthermore, it is the kind of thing ab*sers WANT to see happen to their victims when they leave. They want victims to think that they have to have that kind of crisis if they want to leave them. Because then they’re less likely to leave. When we encourage that kind of thinking, we are playing directly into their hands.

What should happen is that the victim should be given the opportunity to realize that all along there was much more to them than their ab*ser.

I don’t personally desire to watch Aziraphale do that, especially because there are so many wonderful aspects of the Angel he’s been since the beginning

Agreed.

But fwiw, this is giving a faint whiff of perfect victim syndrome. Even if he were an asshole, he still deserves to just have his ab*sers leave him alone, not to have some kind of shattering, soul-crushing emotional breakdown. They will always, always be worse than him.

but it’s not wrong to want to see that. People do go through it, and their stories are incredibly compelling.

I don’t disagree. For me it’s rather about the place this is coming from. OP was saying it’s necessary. There’s a difference between wanting to see a show address this issue overall because it’s interesting, and demanding that a specific character go through it because you think it’s necessary, or that their process of leaving and healing won't be legitimate (or whatever word we wanna use) if it doesn't happen.

And, as you said, it doesn’t make sense for Aziraphale. If the character is an asshole, I’d be able to see it a little more (although again, I still very much question the entire idea in the first place) But he's not an asshole. I find anyone’s thinking it “makes sense” for him to be highly questionable.

I know Aziraphale is much more than a character to many people

Speaking as a (very, very, very slightly, lol) professional writer and actor - every character should be “more than a character”, if they’re well-written. They should feel real if the writer and/or actor has done their job well. I like NG's line that "If you write someone who is utterly and completely themselves, you get people coming up to you and going 'Oh my God, you wrote my life!'

a desire to watch him go through a psychological breakdown is not some poorly concealed desire to watch real people go through that.

It may or may not be. I agree that it isn't always.

In this person’s case, though, I very much did get concerning vibes. Poorly concealed. (As an ab*se survivor, you start to know the vibe of victim-blamers after awhile.)

Regardless, though, the way we respond to characters is the way we respond to people in real life. Story is a primary vehicle through which people learn how to interact with one another and their environment. If it wasn’t, discussing media along these lines would be pointless, and I'd just spend all my time talking about how good David Tennant looks in those tight pants 😁 Or, probably, I would take up a different hobby altogether.

I wouldn’t have wasted my time starting this blog if the things people say about this story and especially about Aziraphale didn’t have real-world applications (not to mention making a lot of ab*se survivors feel very unsafe in the fandom - before we turned off anonymous asks, I got an average of two messages a day from ab*se survivors and other oppressed people telling them how this blog has made them feel so much safer in the fandom) - and if their views about the characters didn’t mirror the kinds of things they’d say about people in real life. (All the anti-Aziraphale autiphobic takes come to mind.) I flatter myself I have enough judgment that those takes wouldn't have troubled me so deeply if they weren't reflective of real-world societal problems and indicative of problematic attitudes in the people who write them.

In this case, the wording is identical to the kinds of problematic things people say about real-life victims/survivors. Yes, the person may not actually consciously want (or want at all) to see real-life ab*se victims/survivors suffer. But I absolutely, one hundred per cent guarantee you that anyone saying this has some major problematic biases/assumptions that are contributing to how ab*se survivors are maligned, degraded, and oppressed in our society. (I never want to see Disabled people suffer, but if I say ableist things, I’m contributing to it whether I mean to or not. I may not want to see women suffer, I am a woman, well more or less anyway lol, and I've identified as a feminist my entire adult life, but nevertheless there have certainly been times in the past when I've said sexist things. It's something all of us will always have to be vigilant against in ourselves. I suspect at this point I'm preaching to the choir, because you do not strike me at all as a bigoted or ignorant person, but I figured I'd re-iterate all that again anyway, because screaming it through a megaphone as often as possible is what this blog is for lol. :)

And what’s worse, they are spreading that rhetoric. I’ll be damned if I’ll let it go by without saying something.

Hope this makes sense and cleared some things up.

With love and respect,

Mod X.

[gunkbaby]

Do you have any tips for writing Shuu?

This is the best ask I’ve ever had thank you anon!!! I am honoured to have been asked this, sorry it took me so long to answer, I was getting my thoughts in order! I have a few general tips!! Idk how useful they’ll be tho! :P (this is very long but i have tried to make myself as concise as possible…sorry anon…bear in mind this is all my opinion!)

Shuu, is dreadfully mischaracterised. So it’s tricky, especially because it depends on what exactly ur writing. If ur using headcanons that drastically change him anyway, then the rules are looser ofc, but if as close to canon is the aim, then I would take all fanon Shuu with a grain of salt. Not a slight to anyone at all, but I find different people interpret the character really differently, and I don’t agree with most of it (especially anything pre-2018), so I don’t interact with fanon, especially when writing. Idk what’s currently fanon tho, maybe it’s real af!

A very general tip but it cannot be understated with Shuu - always refer to canon. I have a notebook where I make notes of things I have noticed in his canon appearances, notes from the wiki, the light novels, films, everything. I always cross-reference when planning, and adjust my plot accordingly, during the writing stage, so I can alter my writing process, and upon editing/re-drafts, which I find is where Shuu really becomes himself. I would say write him as best as you can in a first draft, and allow yourself time to redraft and fine tune him afterwards. :)

Another tip for general character writing is to write diary entries from that character’s POV - regardless of whether that is the ultimate protagonist or not - this helps get inside their head. Shuu’s blog entries are helpful starting points.

So, some things to avoid (note: i haven’t read fic in years, so this isn’t in reference to any writer/fic in particular, just things I did notice/have noticed that i dislike when I see him characterised.)

I used to see a lot of flanderisation with Shuu. People really overestimate the amount of French he uses, so I guess a tip there is to limit that - or half the amount you think is enough. You can always add it in later if it is too little. He obviously does use it, but it’s not to the point I’ve seen. Also remember that Shuu doesn’t just speak French - he speaks Italian and English too! (Ik he speaks German, but this only comes up once. Unless ur writing a fic with Kanae I would say it’s less important). A good starting point for adding French/Italian/English to his dialogue/inner monologue would be to look at a list of common francophones, Latin phrases, or older English turn of phrase (not modern Bri’ish, shuu is not a roadman). If I find a list I will add some links 4 u. :)

With regard to general speech/train of thought, try use a wide vocabulary of colourful adjectives - words that are maybe rare or perhaps too fancy for normal conversation. I read a lot, so if I find a new fancy word I write it down. Normally this ends up going to Shuu’s passages in my work :) (I think a great example of this was when I read A Certain Hunger - the protagonist was a food critic, so she was very helpful with colourful language in relation to food!) I also think imagining his anime VAs saying any dialogue really helps me check dialogue too! Food is worth mentioning too, obviously, I think a Shuu-specific tip is to use terms that could be food-related in otherwise unrelated actions - one can devour a book, salivate in anticipation, or go out for a delicious walk! That kind of thing. Don’t be afraid to make it a little silly. Shuu is very fun to write, so have fun! The key is just to toe the line between silly and fun, to caricature. I think if you intend to write him properly, then you inherently sort of avoid that tho.

A thing that seems random but that I used to see constantly in fanon Shuu was him swearing a lot. Off the top of my head, Shuu properly swears once in Tokyo Ghoul - depends on the translation. He also says damn/damned a few times. That’s about as much as I ever write him saying. Again, I would use more colourful language to express his anger or strong emotions. Thinking to him slagging off Rize - that sort of posh-boy anger. You could probably use swearing very sparingly to pack a comedic punch. He doesn’t swear flippantly, that’s very important imo.

Shuu’s motivations are really important. I’ve seen him written as this sort of caricature so many times. People often refer to Shuu as this sort of narcissistic creep - but I think that’s a mischaracterisation. I think he’s vain, but I think that his vanity and pride is covering up some repressed guilt about what he has to eat - his earliest documented interaction with food is that of guilt. Shuu sees himself not as some kind of monster - but as very strong predator. I think he’s more matter-of-fact than people initially realise. He views the world as dog-eat-dog. He’s hunting Kaneki because he is predator - not in the sense of a creep, but as a lion. His justification for his existence is merciless in that fact - man is not typically sympathetic to the hens in batteries, served pre-plucked en mass in a Tescos, but Shuu, who hunts his prey properly, as a true animal should, is supposed to believe he is lesser than them. I think that makes him much more understanding. I think that’s why other ghouls also fail to understand him, because though he pretends to be better, more civilised, he has a very savage mindset. (Sorry. Long Character analysis there, remember what I said about taking fanon with salt earlier?). :p)

TLDR: I think people think Shuu leans far more into a ‘villain’ role than he actually does. An animal is an animal. I wrote a whole load of paragraphs about his character on Instagram a while ago. I will try and rewrite them and post them here if they would be helpful. (Again, all just my opinion)

In regards to Shuu’s obsession with Kaneki - if this is what you’re writing - this isn’t something I’ve ever written (sorry!) but I have written a similar relationship with him and an oc, and I also have BPD (shocking!), so I can relate to this kind of thing…Kind of. I’ve never wanted to eat anyone! I find expressing this kind of obsession very difficult to verbalise - it’s like, full of over-idealisation. You get so swept up in the idea of someone, you forget they’re a flawed human being who you actually might not know as much as you’d like. And when that idealisation inevitably implodes, it’s very devastating. Shuu’s depression and anorexia after ‘losing’ Kaneki, is something I heavily relate to. It might be worth examining what other people with similar conditions have said about this kind of obsession in particular (in bpd we refer to it as having ‘favourite people’) - im not saying Shuu has BPD, I’m simply saying that looking into real life examples for similar kinds of things, in ways that are expressed by people much wiser than me. :) I think it’s important to have empathy for people like this when writing them, because we do exist out here! Having empathy for Shuu when writing is very important, imo.

I think with his relationships, it’s key to remember that Shuu does not understand what he is feeling. He does not understand that he actually genuinely likes Kaneki and enjoys his company, or Hinami’s company, or Hori. This is despite him going out of his way to comfort them, lend them books, buy them gifts, and (importantly) flowers - which Shuu says he links directly with feelings of happiness. People have said this is creepy, but I think this is wrong. Shuu does not understand how relationships work, but he understands that material objects can make people happy. I think people viewing Shuu’s exchange of gifts as something impure are kind of missing the point - understandable if you’ve only read TG and not :re, tbf.

This is just my opinion, so listen liberally, but considering Shuu refers to his actual friends as pets - I think it’s a somewhat reasonable assumption to make that Shuu’s only relationships outside of his home have been with animals or plants. I write Shuu’s relationships as if he were interacting with animals. With :re based stories this is a little different, but you can generally use the same rule. Referring to my earlier point about Shuu viewing himself as an animal - he probably doesn’t think this perspective is as offensive as it might be.

****

I think this is everything off the top of my head. In general, it all comes back to referring to canon, that’s your main thing. Thinking about, and analysing the character in your own way, and coming to your own conclusions. You can utilise other people’s ideas- as long as it’s not offensive, I don’t think it’s so bad, but I try not to. Also, having empathy for the character and taking the time to get to know him. Sometimes I just listen to what Shuu is telling me - if a story arc is too difficult to write, maybe it just isn’t his! Sorry for rambling so much - was this even helpful at all? I feel like I have simply waffled!

Just a few notes: I have written/am writing Shuu at stages Tokyo Ghoul does not document (when he is19/20, and after the end of :Re at age 30+). So most of my work is my estimation of where he might be.

Bear in mind I also haven’t posted anything in a loooong time so none of this has been subject to any criticism aside from my own! I can post some extracts of my current work if it would be helpful. I can also post some pages from my Shuu notebook if you need inspiration, or my instagram analyses, or whatever might help! Feel free to send more asks if needed too! As you can see I like to talk!!!

i hope this was semi-helpful!!!! thank you anon!!! This was such a lovely ask, thank you, merci beaucoup!!! Bisous!!! <3

[ch-ao-tic1]

Burn out

❀ ✧༺ ✩ ༻∞ ❀✿＊*✩*＊✿❀ ✧༺ ✩ ༻∞ ❀ ✧

A/N: so this is my first time doing something like this so go easy on me. Idk if yall know anything about shifting but this is a scenario I came up with for my DR. I decided to turn it into a story…because why not 🤷🏾‍♀️🤷🏾‍♀️ hopefully yall like it I’m planning on doing more stuff like this

This is set in a reality where Draken owns D&D Mikey, Koko, Inupi work there and shinichiro is the manager. I added a few OC’s that are in my DR also.

(I apologizing for any spelling, punctuation, or grammar mistakes I really tired 😭😭😭 but other than that I hope you enjoy🩵🩵)

❀ ✧༺ ✩ ༻∞ ❀✿＊*✩*＊✿❀ ✧༺ ✩ ༻∞ ❀ ✧

It was a normal day at D&D; Koko was in the front working the reception area, Mikey surprisingly was actually working on a bike in the back instead of messing around like usual, same with Inupi, and Draken who both were also working on their own bikes.

Usually Shinichiro was also around doing something or the other, but today was his much needed day off. I was in the back with the boys at a table not to far from where Ken was.

I was working on my laptop with a pair of my favorite overhead headphones on. I usually use them wireless, but since the battery had just died I had to use them plugged in. I had the left side off my ear just in case one of them needed me.

Usually I wouldn’t even be back here when they’re working, but surprisingly it’s a slower day, and I really just wanted to be near Ken.

We haven’t been able to spend much time together lately because of our work schedules. Actually this is the first time in weeks I’ve gotten to see him in person instead of over FaceTime.

I’ve been stressed out the last few weeks getting prepared for a festive tour me and my best friends/bandmates are participating in. It’s been constant rehearsals, last minute setlist changes, wardrobe fittings, and more.

Don’t get me wrong I’m excited for everything that’s happening this is the first time our group has ever performed something this big before, it feels like a dream, but everything that glitters isn’t always gold.

“Mamas” I looked up when I heard Ken call out to me.

“Hmm” I replied back giving him my full attention

“You see that red tool box on the right of you? Can you hand it to me?” I nod turning towards it. Once I had it in hand I go to get up so I can bring it to him forgetting that I had my headphones plugged in causing my laptop to fall off the table, and drop to the ground.

“FUCCCCK” I yelled dropping the tool box back onto the table to pick up my computer. Mike, and Inupi both turned towards me because of the crash, and my loud outburst. Once I had the computer back on the table I tapped on a few keys to see if anything would happen, but my screen stayed black.

I started getting frustrated, which resulted into me whining. Now I’m not a crier, it takes a lot to make me even shed a few tears (A/N: detachment is a bitch always try to feel your feelings/emotions when you can) but in that moment I could feel myself about to burst. I slammed my laptop shut, threw my headphones off, and put my face in my hands.

All of a sudden everything really just hit me; the stress, the long nights, and early mornings, the aching pain my body is in from rehearsal, and now my computer that mind you; has all my work on it. All of the burn out begins to settle in, and all I can do is silently cry into my hands.

I felt Ken’s strong arms wrap around me, and turn me into his chest. He had one arm around my waist, and the other on my head.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying” I said barely getting the words out

“Shhh it’s ok” he replied back in a hushed tone.“you’re burnt out, an under a lot of stress no one’s judging you for crying babe” being in his arms along with hearing, and feeling the vibration of his voice helped ground me enough to speak.

I pull away a little to look at him tears still falling down my face, he must of sent the other two away because it was just us in the back now. “All of my dreams are coming true right in front of my eyes, and I’m crying over it” I go to wipe my eyes

“I’m so grateful, and excited for everything that’s happening, but I’m so tired. I haven’t been able to sit down for less than five seconds before I have to get up, and do something else it feels like” more tears fall as I continue trying to wipe them away.

Ken grabs my wrist gently, but firmly pulling them away from my face. He moves one of his hands up to caress my right cheek, while the other hand holds onto mine.

“Mamas it’s okay to feel multiple things at once. Being grateful doesn’t mean you can’t or shouldn’t feel tried too” he says in the same low shushed tone “it’s your day off, why don’t you go upstairs, and take a nap?”

“Because its the first time I’ve gotten to see you in forever. I want to spend to with you even if that means sitting off to the side quietly” I whined to him.

“I know babe, but you need to get some rest. I’m basically done with this bike I just gotta do a few more touch ups, I’ll check with koko to see if I got anything else to do if not I’ll get off early alright?”

I nodded my head after thinking about it. He wipes away my last few tears before kissing my forehead, and tells me to go sit on the couch in the corner and wait for him to come back before he disappears to the front.

I sigh as I gather my stuff putting them back in my big fluffy black tote bag, once everything was away I walked over, and sat on the couch texting the group chat my friends an I have to let them know what happened.

Me: sooooo guess who’s laptop with all their shit just broke 😋 ✌🏾

Me: And also had a mental breakdown in front of their boyfriend and his friends 😆😆

Mya: oh nooo I’m sorry Pooh 😩😩😩

Alex: are u ok?? Do u need me to pick you up??

Jess: how?? What happened??

Me: I’m good A thanks it fell off the table now the screen is just black. I’m just tired and burnt out I’m gonna stay at Ken’s place at least for the night but I’ll keep yall posted

Alex: ok get some rest love 🩷🩷

Mya: we finally got a week off so get some rest I’m already knowing you were probably working on something before it dropped

Me: I will I promise same to yall tho I’m sure yall are feeling just as drained and burnt out as me

Me: but anyways I just wanted to let yall know what’s going on and where I’ll be tonight so no one goes filling out a missing person case 

Jess: that was one time what was I supposed to do u weren’t answering your phone I was worried 😭😩

I shock my head laughing a little before turning my phone off and throwing it in my bag.

“Alright let’s go” Ken said as he walked back in from the front. “We’re leaving now? I thought you were gonna finish up the bike?” I replied back with a confused look on my face.

“I’m gonna finish it tomorrow I told you there’s not much left to do on it” he said walking over to me

“Yeah but won’t that add on to your work load for tomorrow or push you back?”

He chuckled grabbing my hand, and pulling me up from the couch “shhh you think too much little one” he said hushing me “let me worry about all of that right now my main focus is get you upstairs” he lifted the hand he was holding up to his mouth to kiss it all while looking me in my eyes.

I gave him a tired smile, and nodded “ok, but only if you’re sure” he gave me the smallest smile while rolling his eyes, and said “I’m sure now come one dumbass”

“Watch that dumbass word, I’m not too drained to beat your ass” he laughed brushing me off as you walked towards the front “yeah aight” he said.

Koko was still behind the reception desk, but now Mikey, and Inupi were there also with him. Mikey sitting on the counter, and Inupi leaning against it.

“We’re heading out” Ken said Koko, and Inupi both nodded while Mikey jumped off the counter, and walked over towards us.

“Since you’re leaving can you bring me some food Kenny” Mikey said while giving him puppy dog eyes which Ken rolled his eyes too “no get it yourself when you go on break”

“Awww Kenny you never do anything for me…do you not love me” Mikey whined back “no” Ken said in a deadpan voice which made me giggle Mikey’s pout turned into a small smile when he heard it.

He walked toward me, and gave me an unexpected but very appreciated hug. “Hope you feel better punk” he said once he pulled away “thanks Michelangelo” I replied back with a small smile.

I waved goodbye to the other two as we left out the front door. D&D is part of a mixed used building ken lives in one of the apartments above it. Once we were inside his apartment we made our way into his bedroom to change out of our clothes from the day.

I changed into one of his shirts, and a pair of sleep shorts I keep here. While he went into the bathroom to take a quick shower.

I walked out of the bedroom already feeling more relaxed. I sat on the couch, turning the tv on to find something to watch, or at least be background noise. I finally decided on some random light hearted anime. After the day I had I just wanted something cute and light.

“You hungry?” Ken asked me after a while now out of his work attire an into some grey sweats, and a black tank top. “Mmm yeah I could eat” I said back “what do you got?”

“Not much…you wanna just order DoorDash?”

“Yeah I’m down for that lord knows I don’t have the energy to cook anything” he scoffed setting down next to me “cook? You don’t even cook, I’m the one that’s always cooking” he said

“Ummm that’s not true I cook all the time” I argued back

“Like what?”

“Like food duh” he scuffed again pulled out his phone “bullshit. What do you?”

“Mmm I don’t know…chipotle?” He nodded sending in our usual order throw DoorDash. Once he was done with that he put his phone on the coffee table, got comfortable, and pulled my leg into his lap. He gave me a small calf and foot massage. He did all of this without even batting an eye at me all his focus was on the tv.

I couldn’t help the smile that grew on my face. I placed the remote down on the coffee table, crawled over to him, and sat on his lap. For a quick second he had a mixed look of confusion, and shock on his face, but that quickly turned into a smirk once he realized what I was doing.

Once I was in his lap he wrapped his arms around my hips to help keep me sturdy as I got comfortable. When I got fully situated I wrapped my arms around his neck, and smiled at him. He raised an eyebrow at me waiting for me to speak which made me roll my eyes, but smile even more.

“Thank you” I said “for what?” He replied back making me roll my eyes again “for being you, for caring, for loving me” I shrugged looking down because it was too hard to look him in his eyes while saying this.

“Sometimes I forget to take care of myself a you always pick up the slack for me. I appreciate, and love you so much for that” it was quite for a few minutes, I still hadn’t looked up yet, instead I chose to focus on my hands that I was fidgeting with now in my lap until he broke the silence with a scuff.

“You dumb ass, you don’t need to thank me for that” he rolled his eyes “I signed up for that when I became your boyfriend. I knew the moment I met you I’d spend the rest of my life looking out, and taking care of you even if we weren’t together as a couple I’d still do all of that and more”

I hugged burying my face into his chest “doesn’t mean I can’t say thank you and show my appreciation though” I pulled away to look him in the eyes this time “you know I’d do the same right? Take care of you I mean, even if we weren’t together like this I’d still take care of you” he smiled and nodded “I know mamas I know” I kissed him overwhelmed with all the emotions I was feeling.

I poured all the love, happiness, and appreciation I felt for him into the kiss and he did the same. I pulled away not before giving him one last small kiss. “I love you” I said push back his black stray hairs that frame his face “love you too mamas”

I played with his hair for a little longer before punching him in his shoulder “ayyyeee the fuck was that for?!” He said not actually hurt, or mad more shocked than anything.

“I told you watch that dumbass word” I shrugged he smacked his lips and flips us over onto the couch so I was now laying on my back while he was basically on top of me “see now we really gonna have to fight” he said tickling me

“Get off of me!!!” I cried in between laughs “you too big for all of dat”

“Nah we fighting” he said back still tickling me all I could do was laugh and weakly try kicking him off me. After a little while he did eventually stop so I could catch my breath, but he was still laying on me. “Ken if you don’t get your big ass off of me”

“Nahhh I’m comfortable now”

“Comfortable my ass get up” he smacked his lips and finally sat up I gasped dramatically making him smack his lips again “dramatic ass shut up” I laughed and sat up as well “I’m tired now I need a nap”

“I bet you do” he laughed “c’mere” he said with his arms opened. “Shoot don’t gotta tell me twice” I said as I laid down in his arms “wake me up when the food is here” I said already half asleep “yeah, yeah just go to sleep I’ll wake you”

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Bro how do yall do them pretty divider things 😭😭😭 anyways I hope yall enjoyed again i apologize for any spelling, grammar, or punctuation errors please don’t be afraid to give tips and pointers on how to better my writing. Much love 🩵🩵🩵

P.s if any of yall are shifters PLEASE dm me I wanna hear your stories, progress, etc 🩵😩

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