#ok idk what I’m saying anymore | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rosicheeks · 2 years ago

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#do you ever wanna talk #but you don’t wanna talk #like you’re almost nonverbal #whenever you try to talk nothing comes out right #I want to talk to a few people #but words are so hard #I just want to like communicate by clicking our heads together #no words #just head boop #I’m sorry I’ve been in such a mood ever since everything happened #I’m like in limbo #and trying so fucking hard to get out but idk how to #ok idk what I’m saying anymore #just know if you’ve messaged me on here or my snap and I haven’t replied I’m so so so so sorry #I think about you every day and wish I could figure out how to be my normal rosie and reply #idk if I’m making any sense any more #I’m just tired and wanna go back to bed #for a few years #shut up rosie

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spacespore · 3 months ago

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HI TUMBLRR it’s me

#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm #im right #ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa #all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too #but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now #anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them #but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of #idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad #but I never held it against them cause we were children #but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen #well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik #them as much Lol #I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually #for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it #im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked #out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha #that’s how Francis came to be #and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol

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jelliebeanbitch · 2 months ago

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I CAN DO THIS!!!! I CAN LEARN TO BE A THEATER DESIGNER!!!! YES I AM JUST STARTING OUT AND DOING THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!! THATS CUZ IT IS A TRADE AND YOU LEARN A TRADE BY PRACTICING!!!!! SO I AM GOING TO PRACTICE DAMMIT!!!!

#i am realizing i have the capacity to be rly ambitious and hardworking when it’s something i care about #which i didn’t think i did. because adhd and academic struggles and such #but another side effect of caring a lot about this is i am rly disappointed and worried when i feel like i’m not doing well enough #which is a feeling i think most people get academically #but i turned that feeling off in my brain for a long time cuz again. at a certain point i was academically struggling #and i couldn’t be disappointed anymore #like it was just less stressful to care a little less #which i am currently experiencing in my classes right now actually. need to deal with that #anyway #idk i keep finding out how much i don’t know about theater design and then feeling so so embarrassed #and thinking i might be a fraud #but then people look at my work and they say nice things and i am deciding to take that to heart!!!#and just hope that they’re right #it’s existential about career hours rn #also mandatory acknowledgement that i’m privileged for even considering an artistic careen #and i’m definitely gonna be living off ice soup if i try to make this happen #uh. that is all . yeah #ok yk what i should probably be a theater professor #that is definitely the biggest way i’ve seen theater professionals get regular gigs (on college shows) and make enough money to live #and also have access to massive prop and set collections!!!!!#which is what it’s really all about baybeeee #ok that is all goodnjght #theater #career #rambling

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insanechayne · 2 months ago

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#my dad is starting shit with me again and just continuing fights and bringing up shit that has nothing to do with anything #and even when I try to calm the situation he just gets worse and keeps berating me #I want to get out of the house but my partner hasn’t talked to me all day or even checked our message chat #so I don’t want to bother them or just show up without them saying it’s ok #not that they’d have much problem with it probably but if they don’t acknowledge it I don’t want to startle them or something #and idk what if they are mad at me and that’s why they haven’t talked to me today? or if they’re having a bad day too?#they’re not gonna want to deal with my bullshit if they’re not having a good day either #so that’s another problem to contend with #and I’m also really tired and fatigued already because of some recent health issues and just packing my go bag is wearing me out a bit #I don’t really want to pack up the whole car and drive an hour to their house after midnight when I’m already not doing great #so I know I should just stay in my room and get some distance or do my own thing until I fall asleep #but God I just don’t want to be here anymore #tbh I do kinda wanna be dead and I wish I could do something about that #idk if I’m fully suicidal or anything but it’s like… I want to make my dad see how much he needs me and I want to get a fucking break #I want someone to take care of me and worry about me for once instead of giving up everything to him #I wish I killed my self at 16 like I wanted to so I wouldn’t have ever had to deal with any of this bullshit #I sort of wish I could kill myself now just to be done with all of this #but suicide takes too much planning and hassle these days so what’s the point anyway #I guess I’m just depressed and lonely and all that #I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning #but right now I just really wish I had someone to talk to and cry on and tell me it’ll all get better soon #personal

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story-book-sillies · 2 months ago

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Grieving over someone who isn’t gone is such a complicated feeling. Especially when they are your best friend. Especially when they want to leave you.

I still can interact with them today. I can see them with my own eyes, hear their voice with my ears, understand their deepest dreams because we just know each other.

But soon, I won’t be able to see them in person, the only way I can hear their voice will be through a phone, and now someone else will learn to understand them better than me. I will slowly be forgotten as someone else becomes their remembered.

And it hurts. But it happens. And I knew it was coming but I didn’t want it to happen so fast. It’s like when you know something is going to bite you but it hasn’t happened yet. You anticipate the pain so it’s like the pain is already there.

They’re still here but they’re already gone. They’re not gone forever just gone for now. You’re still a kid. They’re all grown up and they’re leaving you. It hurts.

#when I say ‘they want to leave you’ I don’t mean it in a negative way #I am not on bad terms with this person I keep talking about #we are very close and that’s never going to change #I mean it more in the sense of that they’re letting go because they’re ready to let go #it’s hard to explain #like they are ready to let me go because someone else is ready to take care of them now #which is hard because I’ve been their shoulder to lean on ever since I can remember #and now we won’t even be living in the same area anymore #I have a deep set fear of being forgotten and I also have abandonment issues #I’m just feeling like I’m being replaced but I feel guilty because what’s happening is making this person I love happier #they’re pursuing what’s best for them and it’s great!#but in adjusting to this strange sense of grief that my one constant in my life is changing #I don’t like change #I didn’t expect us to stay together forever but I didn’t think they would leave me so soon and be so ok with it #everyone I know is comfortable growing up and changing but I’m so uncomfortable with the idea that it’s hard for me to handle #everyone else is excited to turn into a butterfly and I’m scared if not being a caterpillar anymore #idk if any of that makes sense but writing my feelings really helps me process and feel better #sfw interaction only #sfw agere #sfw age regression #age regressor #age regression #agere blog #quizzyrambles #Quizzyvents

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goldensunset · 4 months ago

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re: the music rant I tagged you in I am so sorry for tagging you in my double-dose caffeine fueled haterism explosion post. truly was off the shits and did not realize how much random garbage talking points I was ready to spill on the first person to ask

but i love haterism…..

#truly i really don’t care if ppl like those artists. they do so for good reason #but it’s just impossible to see it as like. particularly noteworthy and countercultural or anything anymore?#like obv it’ll never be on the same mainstream level of like taylor swift or w/e #but as far as being ‘weird’ or ‘fringe’ it’s like. safe weird. safe fringe #mainstream weird or mainstream fringe to use an oxymoron #there’s nothing wrong with enjoying something with a large community that makes you feel something #but it just isn’t particularly striking as far as making a statement about how unique you are #not that you need to be unique to be cool #but i think a lot of people truly do see it as a thing that makes them special or even superior #it’s not harmful at all just a little silly #and truly when every young neurodivergent well-off internet dweller is doing it. well it’s not totally weird is it #safe and sanitized weirdness #either that or to get back to the point if it is true weirdness then it’s like yeah are you sure this goes on that character playlist LOL #maybe the other bigger threat is when stuff is genuinely good and raw and unique and strange #art that’s screaming something out #and it gets watered down into something incredibly generic #like this lament about the singer’s very real life is like ‘woagh this is just like these two fictional white men who have never met’#less ‘morally wrong’ and more ‘hardcore cringe at best and in poor taste at worst’#or like. what if it is an EXTREMELY specific situation genuinely #why is it on every playlist 🤔#the answer is bc it goes hard of course so who am i to say they’re wrong for having fun #but behind the scenes in secret i’ll be laughing sinisterly #like everybody in the world thinks Their Artist is the most freakish unique and special artist. including swifties #fact of the matter there’s always something weirder. even the stuff i listen to i am well aware could be so much freakier #is there really any point in making it a competition of how weird you are #just listen to what appeals to you and stop acting like you’re the main character idk #asks #dj-of-the-coven #ok i’m done now. hope none of this sounded too bitter and judgmental

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ssreeder · 2 years ago

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SORRY I KNOW U SAID U DONT WANT TO KEEP TALKING ABOUT THIS AND YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO ANSWER THIS ASK OR U CAN ANSWER IT PRIVATELY IF YOU'D RATHER i just really cant shut up ever and one thing i cant stand is fic writers getting shit in any capacity like omg what is up with unsolicited 'advice'? in some ways i find it WORSE than if people were just actively rude bc it's so backhanded and passive aggressive that you can't really respond how you want to bc they're not technically being nasty and they say it under the guise of being 'helpful' and it's just YUCK. like shut up!!!! who even asked you!!!!! writing fic is a free, beautiful hobby and for some reason people feel entitled to it in ways they really wouldn't with literally any other hobby and it does my head in, so pls pls dont feel like ur being sensitive. that's the main reason im sending an ask bc i get you've acknowledged that it's annoyed you and why so again sorry if im beating a dead horse here, it's just i hate to see you undermining your feelings about something that IS genuinely really frustrating and disheartening. like it will never not baffle me how oblivious some ao3 commenters are to how much their words can impact a writer. just like you, 99% of all my comments are positive, and yet i can probably list verbatim the handful of not-so-nice comments ive had in the years ive been on ao3 bc they just STICK with me. so yeah. you're very valid and i know you dont need me to tell you but you've got a whole army of people who love your work and have your back, so just remember that when someone decides to be obnoxious xxx

Haha hella I adore you & I don’t ever want you to stop talking.

Yeah I think the reason it irked me more this time was because after I got a few scattered comments I didn’t enjoy I kindly asked people not to do it anymore & then the very next chapter someone did it lol. & even asked if I was getting enough sleep … like…. damn it… really?

again I do think I’m being sensitive because fuck it I’m probably not getting enough sleep haha but damn you don’t gotta call me out like that! Lol. & I get so many wonderful comments and fanart and asks and all that jazz but I can’t help but hyper-fixate on the one not so nice comment haha

& then I over think everything & it ruins the fun hobby I’m supposed to be enjoying lol

I love that you get it, thanks for always being so awesome & now for the second or third time coming to have my back. You’re the best hella :)<3

#I wasn’t going to post anymore of these but I’ll probably post one more #idk maybe other fanfic writers can see it and know we are all going through it #it doesn’t matter who you are #or what you write #there is always some asshole who has access to the internet #that’s going to give their fucking opinion #but yeah I’m always really nice in my responses because I’m so awkward in those situations #I’m just smiling and laughing and saying wwwtttffffffffff #idk I did tell the last commenter to fuck all the way off though lol #they caught me in a MOOD though #thanks for sending this ask hella #& even the last time I was upset about it you let me vent to you #so that was cool #you’re one of the good one hella!!#& im sorry a you get stupid comments too #but im pretty confident the TAOB following would stab a bitch who was rude to you #as they should #don’t fuck with ao3 writers we aren’t paid enough to take your shit people #(get it…. cause we aren’t paid at all….. haha)#ok thanks again hella #hella1975 #ask

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goldennika · 7 months ago

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my life would be so different if i weren’t a MOA

#like maybe i would have gotten deeper into another fandom and declare them as my ults #but i do think that becoming a moa also meant pursuing things that make me happy #and being unapologetic about it #and being bolder too #and making new friends along the way was/is so lovely too 🥺#each fandom has their own unique identity and i really like this side of moa-dom i’m in #ok idk what i’m saying anymore but basically txt changed my life beyond what i can put into words rn #rambles #tomorrow x together #txt moa

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swordmaid · 11 months ago

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just got the durge reveal..!!! screamnnn it’s saur good when you actually have a durge specific character and not just an au of the char you previously made lol. anyway I’m just imagining yves admitting that she’s one of bhaal’s children and then her going like oh btw I was his bride too 🧍‍♀️