#I’ve been in a very aro mood recently

[ifeelfreewithoutmyshoes]

I’m basing this on personal experience and like three tumblr posts but: it seems like there’s a slight difference in a-spec representation in Japanese vs western media? Like usually I see more ace than aro characters in western media (granted not many of either) but looking at Japanese drama recs it seem like more characters are aro than ace (as in “this character is aro maybe aroace”). And I found it an interesting difference? I wonder if it has smt to do with western shows being more sexual and (at least the few I’ve watched) Japanese shows being more chaste - thus asexuality and aromanticism comes more to the forefront respectively??

[britcision]

It’s just another dehumanizing tactic along with the “aro/ace robots/aliens” bullshit and I have no patience left for it

It falls apart at a single question: why not?

Why not ship aro/ace characters?

“Because no aro/ace person would” BZZT nope not a monolith, aro/ace folks just so happen to be humans just like you with our own personalities, wants, and needs

“Because shipping has to involve traditional romance/sex” does it? Why? Because you only value those kinds of relationships? Sounds like a personal problem, you should work on it

“Because I’m not comfortable seeing that character shipped” well then don’t ship them sugar, but you don’t get to make that choice for anyone else. Don’t like don’t read

“Because who would date an aro/ace person” just gonna leave you to think about this one because I’ve seen it a couple times and it’s the quiet part said out loud

You are not, have never been, and will never be entitled to control how other people interact with a character. You don’t have to like it or look at it, but you cannot demand they change it.

I have zero patience left for this especially from other aroace folks because an aro friend very recently decided they’re also ace, and are playing an aroace character in our dnd game

They have since been making extremely confident statements like “oh I know that can’t be (ranger)’s love interest cuz she’s aroace she can’t have one”

To me. Who has been out aroace for years. And my partner. Who has been out aroace for longer.

But I like them, so I’ll gently remind them who tf they’re talking to

Random internet strangers are throwing themselves on the mercy of my mood that day if they need to be reminded that “your personal experiences are not universal actually”

I’m not less aromantic because I have formed a committed, dedicated relationship with someone I love outside of the bounds of traditional romance

I’m not less asexual because I’m extremely sex and kink positive and think everyone should have precisely as much sex as they want, including none

And I will step directly over your body on my way to “all aro/aces are people and worthy of love and respect in the ways that they specifically are comfortable with, with the compromises that come with Literally Any Relationship Of Any Type Whatsoever”

You don’t get a world that values more than just romantic love and qpps and loving relationships of every type by trying to lock anyone out of human connections

I don’t expect aphobes to know this because they’re usually the idiots who think only romantic relationships matter, but if you’re stepping into this identity boat with me you’re damn well gonna unlearn their nonsense asap

There’s enough of it on the outside

Even if you personally hella identify with the robot/zero feelings stereotype, you’re not pushing it on anyone but yourself

not the non from this post [709482568399110146] but as an aspec person people saying that aro/ace characters shouldn't be shipped pisses me off. Saying aspec people can't participate in relationships is like saying a colorblind person can't wear a tie dye shirt. Like sure, we experience them differently, but there's no reason to ban us from participating. Adults who experience attraction differently (or not at all) are not children. We have agency.

--

[iwadori]

So I'm reading your works and I love them !! I was thinking of requesting some kind of drabble or whatever you like, about a female reader who has thick thighs and is somewhat plump and is in love with Tsukishima but he makes a comment about the food and she feels bad and when she meets Bokuto in the boot camp Bokuto is too cute and attentive to her asking for her number and a date. If you don't feel comfortable with this, just ignore it and good luck with your blog. Sorry my english is bad<3

When they make you insecure PT 5 (tsukishima,bokuto)

Part One Part Two  Part Three Part Four  Part Five Part 6

Word Count: 2.6K

Genre: Angst to Fluff

masterlist

Tsukishima

You and Tsukishima have been dating in your first year (as you both went to the same middle school together.)

You were in love with Tsukishima, you always have been to be honest, but once you became officially boyfriend and girlfriend your feelings amplified.

But recently, Tsukishima hasn’t been so nice.  

“Y/N we’re going on another training camp at Nekoma” Hinata exclaimed running up to you, as you leaning against Tsukishima “and you get to come too this time!”

You recently became the new trainee manager as the third-year manager, Kikyoko, is going to graduate. Tsukishima acted as if you being around all the time in practice was the worst thing in the world, but Yamagucchi always assured you that ‘Tsukki’ was just joking.

“Oh well that’s fun...” you say entertaining Hinata’s excitement. You were kind of excited to go to the training camp too, as it was in Tokyo after all. You were always a big fan of volleyball as your dad used to play for the national team and you were planning to play on the girls team this year but you felt that you didn’t have the body for it (which was obviously not true.)

Hinata kept on rambling on before Tsukishima insulted him. “Gosh Kei, you don’t have to be so rude.” you complained, he slightly nudged you off of him and put on his headphones showing you that he was not in a good mood.

You let the rest of the practice continue, making notes of things and basically being Kiyoko’s shadow. As it ended, you waited outside for Tsukishima to walk home with you, but one of the guys told you he left 5 minutes ago. You knew there was no point of chasing after him so you just walked on your own, making you sigh in defeat.

Tsukishima was what you would describe as hot and cold. Some days he was fine a ‘perfect gentlemen’ but other days, days like this Tsukishima was just Tsukishima.  

When you got home, you decided to watch matches of all the other schools just to get some insight. You were watching a Fukarodani V Nekoma match from a few years ago and something caught your eye, well someone did to be more specific. A beefy, bicolour haired boy who was hooting like an owl was mesmerizing to watch.

You saw that his name was Bokuto Koutarou which triggered your next actions, which were to internet stalk him. You learned that he was the captain of the team and the team’s ace and the 5th ace in the country which piqued your interest in the boy even more.

‘This is going to be an exciting training camp’ you think to yourself before going to sleep.

`Kiyoko gave you an itinerary of all the things you should bring, since you weren’t going to be joining in any of the matches you were reminded to bring things that would keep entertained.  

You get to the bus at the crack of dawn, ready to be driven to Tokyo. Hinata and Kageyama were already arguing (let’s pretend that they didn’t have to do the retakes in the test) Tanaka and Nishinoya were being loud, and the rest of the members were already asleep. You wanted to sit next to Tsukishima but when you were about to sit down, he put his carryon bag in the seat next to him.

The bus ride was around 4-5 hours, and you spent your time reading and sleeping. Daichi got the loudmouths to calm down making the bus ride more tolerable. You suffered from slight motion sickness but you powered through.

When you arrived there, you saw all the other teams and their buses too. You felt a bit overwhelmed, seeing these tall boys just crowd around an entrance way. But too your surprise, noticing your slight anxiousness, Tsukishima grabbed your hand in a hand-hold.  

The Nekoma coach, explained how the day would pan out and where each team would be residing for the week. There was a lot of commotion getting everyone settled, Hinata and Nishinoya were basically bouncing off of the wall commenting on all the people and the place and how they’re going to ‘crush the competition.’  

You could tell that when the other teams were looking at Karasuno they were all staring at Kiyoko. Inquisitive about how there wasn’t only one girl manager but there was two. As you were walking your eyes locked with Bokuto Koutarou’s making yours widen, you blush and turn your head quickly.  

What you didn’t know was, after your small interaction, Bokuto elbowed Akaashi and said “Akaaashi AKKAAASHI, did ya see that? did ya?” he was flying with happiness “That girl from Karasuno smiled at me. She’s really pretty.”

“I think she’s from Karasuno” Akaashi said “So maybe you’ll see her around”

Bokuto stared off in the direction you were walking in “Yeah, hopefully.”

The first day, everyone got settled in and then the teams went straight into games. There were two different gyms and today, in gym 1, you were watching Karasuno V Nekoma. (By the way I literally don’t remember the teams at the training camp besides Nekoma, Karasuno and Fukarodani.) The game was very back a point each team making point after point, you already knew of Nekoma’s captain, Kuroo Testurou and the setter Kenma, you’ve actually played games with Kenma online before so you were fairly acquainted with him already.

The games ended and it was now dinner time, the canteen was packed with all the boys rushing to line up for the food. You waited at the back of the line, not really caring about when you got your food. Suddenly, you felt a tap on your shoulder and you looked over to see Boktuo,  

“Hi.” he said “I’m Bok-”

“Bokuto Koutarou!” You finished “I'm a big fan..” you cringed immediately at your excitement ‘pull it together Y/N’ you scold yourself.

“Oh well hi, I’m glad you know who I am” he said “and may I ask for your name?”  

“Oh I’m Y/N L/N” you say with a slight blush “I'm the trainee manager from Karasuno.”  

“Cool! Well I hope to see you aro-” he starts  

“Y/N, I’ve been looking all over for you, I already got your food for you.” Tsukishima said pulling at your arm a bit harshly, dragging you over to a table with the Karasuno team.

“Gosh Tsukki, no need to be so harsh” you say rubbing at your wrist, he didn’t apologize and just started eating his food.  

You look down at your plate and see the small portion that Tsukki got for you. The Karasuno bunch was being loud, as they usually are, so when you whisper “Tsukki what the fuck is this” whilst nudging him in the side, he didn’t hear you (or atleast he pretended he didn’t.) You tried again but a little louder saying, “Tsukishima what the fuck is this.” you realised you said it a bit too loud as the whole Karasuno table stopped their conversations to look over at the slight commontion you caused.

“What do you mean Y/N?” he said with a slight smirk on his face.

“I mean what’s with the portion size of a bird that you gave me?” you ask getting upset “Do you really think im that big?”

“Well, you could start eating less that’s for sure.” he said earning gasps from you and some of the people sitting at the table “Y/N let's face it, you eat like a pig and you look like an elephant, me making your food portion smaller is the least I could do.”  

By now you had tears in your eyes, Tsukishima was a dick. You knew this, everybody knew this to be honest, yet you still loved him. He wasn’t like this in middle school, yes he was a bit snarky and rude (but wasn’t every middle schooler?) High school Tsukishima was like a completely different person. As much as you wanted to run away and hide, you knew you couldn’t.  

So you stood up and said “Tsukishima, I’ve spent 3 years loving and pining after you, because I thought you were this great guy, but turns out you’re a huge asshole” you start making some of the people listening in smile in laughter “Tsukishima, I’ve hated this past year dating you, you’ve been such a huge dick and I’m finally stopping you. I can’t do this anymore. I won’t.” You start making your way to exit before finally saying “Oh and by the way I’m not the pig here, you are... oh and I’m breaking up with you.” You left, hearing a few laughs and some claps behind you.

You felt relieved, like the massive cloud that’s been over your head is finally gone. You went to the gym since you knew it was empty and picked up a ball to just throw it around a bit. After a while of ‘de-stressing,’ you hear someone else enter the gym.

“Oh I didn’t know you’d be here.” said Bokuto  

“Well here I am,” you say awkwardly “I can leave if you want me too, I know this is for actual volleyball players.”

“No no it’s fine you can definitely stay, in fact do you mind setting for me?” he asks  

“Sure, of course I don’t mind” you reply, excited you get to play with someone.  You haven’t played in ages, you always begged Tsukishima to just throw a ball around with you but he never did.  

You set to Boktuo a lot, with him always asking for ‘another one’ everytime he spiked the ball. Eventually, you were tired of setting and wanted to spike. You originally was a spiker to begin with taking after your dad. Thats why you took a liking to Bokuto in the first place cause he reminded you of the joys you had when watching your father play.

Bokuto set a ball to you and you spiked it with great strength and accuracy smiling at the burning feeling you felt in your palm.  

“Woahh” Bokuto shouted going towards you in amazement “Where did you learn how to spike like that?”

“From my dad, I don’t know if you heard of him before but my dad’s name is D/N L/N...?” you say

“D/N L/N, Y/N he is my idol!” he shouted again “I want to be just like him.”

“I think you can, I see a lot of similarites in the way you both play.” you say

“Really! And you’ve seen me play before..?” he asks

“Yeah, I watched some of your games before coming here... you’re really good” you shyly admit.

“Wow.”

You and Bokuto spend the rest of your time, talking about volleyball you’re interests, things you have in common, your likes and dislikes. Talking to Bokuto was refreshing, he didn’t randomly insult you or make snide comments about your weight or your looks. He just genuinely looked happy to be there talking to you, unlike Tsukishima.  

Seeing your change in mood, Bokuto stops talking and asks “are you alright? I forgot to ask earlier, but I saw what happened in the canteen and I hope you’re okay.”  

“Yeah I’m fine, it’s just things with me and Tsukishima reached a breaking point, I guess...” you say sniffling a bit talking about it “But it’s fine now I’ve broken up with him and I feel better already.”

“So you’re saying your single...?” he asked blushing a bit

“Yeah I guess I am...” you smile blushing also.  

“Okay great...well I hope this isn’t too forward after everything happened with Tsukki and all but...” he starts “but would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Who me?” you ask as if you weren’t the only other person in the room

“No the volleyball” he responds sarcastically “Of course you Y/N.”  

“Are you sure, cause to be honest Bokuto you’re a really good-looking guy” you say making him smile widely “so I think you need someone to match your level in attractiveness” you look down and his smile drops.

“What do you mean?” he asks before realising all the stuff Tsukishima said about you “Y/N you’re beautiful, your face, your body just you.” you blush at his words “when I first saw you when you were walking past us in the entrance way the first thing I thought and said about you was “Akaashi who is that girl she’s beautiful.””  

“Really?” you ask with disbelief

“Mhm” he nods excitedly “So will you go on a date with me?”  

“I guess so...” you say a bit unsure

“HEY HEY HEY!” he exclaims “I gotta go tell akaashi!” he runs out of the gym in a hurry making you laugh, but he comes back to give you a quick unexpected kiss on the cheek making you smile.

You checked your phone for the time realising that you’ve been with Bokuto for 3 hours and you knew that everyone would be going to sleep now. As you are the manager you slept seperately from the rest of the team but before you went to your sleeping quaters you went to Karasunos.  

“Y/N where have you been? We’ve been worried about you.” asked yammagucchi  

“It’s fine yams don’t worry about it, guys” you say catching everyones attention “I just wanted to apologise to you for my outburst at dinner, it wasn’t my intention to cause a scence.”

“It’s fine Y/N” said sugawara “He definitely deserved it.”

“Yeah as your marvellous senpai we gave him a good telling off” said Tanaka and Nishinoya  making you chuckle.  

“Okay well thanks guys, I’m going to sleep goodnight.”

“Wait Y/N can I speak with you.” asked Tsukishima gesturing to outside the room

“Umm sure” you respond following him into the corridor.

“I just want to say I’m sorry for the things I’ve said and done over the past year and how I’ve been a terrible boyfriend, you don’t deserve that. So, I’m sorry.”  

“I can’t say I can forgive you yet.” you say making Tsukishima look sad “but maybe with effort from you we can become friends possibly?”  

“Just friends?” he said with hope in voice thinking that you could be something more.

“Just friends.” you repeated and confirmed “Besides I have been asked on a date”  

“With who?”  

“None of your business stingyshima” you mock the nickname that Hinata calls him making him scowl and you smile “Goodnight.”

After Bokuto’s confession and Tsukishima’s apology, the rest of the training camp went off without a hitch. In your breaks and lunchtimes, you got to know more about Bokuto and with Kuroo’s help you even got to sneak out to actually go on your date. You sometimes even went to practice with them getting to show off your skills, with Bokuto cheering you on and complimenting you every single time.  

Tsukishima kept his distance for the most part, and kept the snarky comments about you and Bokuto to himself (even though he was dying to say them.) You eventually fully forgave Tsukishima in your 3rd year but you definitely weren’t as close as you used to be. Tsukishima’s comments and actions did affect you for a while however with the help of your loving boyfriend, you were reminded how beautiful you are no matter what weight, shape or height you were.

You and Bokuto stayed together, you made sure to come to every one of his games and when you introduced him to your dad he fainted on sight. Your dad and Bokuto got along, and became very close friends, Bokuto always came to him for advice (especially volleyball advice.) You loved Bokuto and he definitely loved you too.

AN: I hope you liked it, since I didn’t want to make it too similar too the Atsumu insecure one. And I feel like it dragged out a bit but got rushed in the endd....but oh well...

[duckymcdoorknob]

Ok so I don’t know if you‘re still writing for saiki k, or even if you’re taking requests at the moment, feel free to ignore this if you aren’t! I would kinda say this is an emergency request. I’m a trans dude and I’ve been experiencing dysphoria a lot recently, and questioning if I’m really a boy. I was just wondering if you might write something for saiki k with a trans s/o (extra points if s/o is plus size lol) where he figures out he’s struggling and reminds them that he sees him as a boy? just lots of comfort!! Thank you in advanceee :)

(Don’t feel pressured to write this!!)

No pressure whatsoever my dear! Thank you for trusting me with your issue.

You may be in a rough time of questioning, but I promise that whatever you see yourself as is who you are.

If you exit your questioning with a result you enjoy, perfect! If not, that’s more than okay. Life is not colored inside the lines and shit happens.

CW BELOW THE CUT: Reader is feeling dysph0r1c

𝐾𝑢𝑠𝑢𝑜 𝑆𝑎𝑖𝑘𝑖

Big man Saiki is our resident aro/ace icon, so he’s the most accepting person we’ve ever met.

But, in the event he gets a partner? Ohoho you’re in luck buddy.

Kusuo is the most caring and loving boyfriend ever. He makes his partner his priority.

He never abuses his powers to help them, unless if he has to, so that they can grow and push through their challenges.

Except on the day that he curiously used clairvoyance to find you when you were absent.

The clairvoyance revealed that you were huddled up in your bedroom, hiding yourself in a blanket cocoon.

That couldn’t be good.

He walked outside to find another random person, since he needs to teleport two things of equal value.

He successfully found someone to trade spots with near your home, immediately doing so.

He knocked on your door, as if he wasn’t planning to show up.

“Shit!“ You cursed under your breath, “Come on in!”

The pink-haired boy had no objections to that. He opened the door and immediately came to your side.

“I sensed a disturbance in the force.” He said in a completely monotone voice.

“Kusuo, stop.” You said in exasperation, “I’m not in the mood for shitty Star Wars jokes.”

“Okay, you love my Star Wars jokes. What’s going on?” He assumed a position next to you, placing a hand on the spot he presumed to be your shoulder.

“No, don’t touch.” You whined.

He recoiled his hand, placing it on his thigh.

“M’sorry, Ku’, I just hate my body so much. I don’t want you to have to even touch it.”

“Ah, I see.” He said before tackling you in a hug, “You may hate it, but it’s my favorite thing in the world.”

“Kusuo-“

“Nah, ah. No objections, give me my time.”

You shut your mouth, pursing your lips.

“I love the fact that you are so warm, literally all of the time. Like, you’re a walking blanket. And I’m always cold, so we’re a match made in Heaven or whatever my old parents say.”

A tiny giggle escaped your mouth.

“Oh! And your laughter is music to my ears. Like wow I never thought I’d hear what about actual Angel sounds like, but nonetheless there they are right in front of me.”

“Kusuo!” You said with an amused grin and furrowed brows.

“What? You know I’m not allowed to lie to you. You made me promise.”

“I did, but… it just feels like you’re blowing smoke up my ass.”

“That wouldn’t be a very fun activity.” he murmured, taking the time to lay on your stomach.

“KUSUO!”

“(Y/N)!“ he mocked.

You sigh, “Since we aren’t lying…”

His attention grew to double, looking right in your eyes.

“I hate the fact that I’m not confident in my identity. Like, I don’t know who I’m supposed to be quite yet, but is it really going to be this hard all of the time?”

Your pink-haired boyfriend simply took one of your hands, interwound his fingers inside it, and kissed it.

“(Y/N), no matter who you see yourself as, I love you anyway. As of now, you told me you feel that you identify as a boy. That’s great. I get to tell people that I have a kickass boyfriend, or partner, or whatever you’d prefer. Which one would you like?”

You breathed out in relief, “(preference)”

“Cool.” He replied simply, “Aside from that, it doesn’t matter ‘how you were made’. If you say that you feel that you’ve always been a boy, then congratulations you are now a boy. It’s that easy!”

Saiki didn’t really understand the whole topic, but he tries his best.

“It might not always work like th-“

“And if it doesn’t, that’s why you have the freedom to change.” He chimed, “You can be whoever you want to be. Want to know why?”

“Mm?”

“Girl, boy, non-binary, no labels, whatever else there may be: You’re all mine, and I love you.”

—————♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎✞♡︎—————

[aroaceconfessions]

Slightly Nsfw////internalized aro(allo)phobia tws

Also, I’m a minor, so if minors talking (lightly and indescriptively) about sexuality or slightly nsfw things makes you especially uncomfortable, skip. Although I would gently encourage any aroallo adults to read this because I seriously need help (don’t do it if it makes you uncomfortable. Y’all are just my target demographic here)

Recently, I’ve begun to question if I’m actually aroallo. A while ago I met a guy at my school and, idk, he’s pretty attractive. And then one day when I was doing something cough cough he just sort of popped into my head and I didn’t like it but I didn’t hate that it happened either? I get a lot of intrusive thoughts, especially of the more sexual variety, so the thought of doing the do with someone I wouldn’t want to do it with are pretty common and I’ve gotten pretty used to them, despite the fact they make me highly uncomfortable and give me the need to scrub all my skin off.

But I just don’t know. I can’t tell if I don’t like the guy in any non-platonic way, or if it’s just an intrusive thought. Him just popping into my head didn’t necessarily kill the mood, but I made me pretty uncomfortable that I thought about him at all. I’m pretty sure he has a crush on me (not to be a total nerd but we’re both in dnd club and his character literally saved my character’s life after he fell down the stairs and almost died (he’s a piece of bacon and two eggs in a trench-coat and his yolk broke on the fall) also some smaller stuff when he was our dm like always making sure I got to talk bc everybody was literally so loud, oh my god. But he would like single me out) because of the dnd club stuff and just the way he looks at me. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it. I’ve never, or very rarely, been held in high regards by anyone and it feels really good to think that someone might see me as special. But I don’t know. I just can’t tell if it’s an intrusive thought or not. A lot of those lines have started to get blurry and it scares me.

I’m sorry, but I’m scared to be aroallo. I’ve seen the general discomfort of other people around aroallos. I don’t want my friends to suddenly think I’m some sort of sexual predator just because I’m attracted to people without “loving” them romantically. They’re all aroace, and I’m afraid I’ll indirectly get kicked out of the group or something for being too sexual if I’m anything other than ace. I’m worried people with think I’m too young to identify this way.

I don’t even know if I AM too young to identify as aroallo. I feel like, of course, I wouldn’t be, but I feel like adults (including aroallo ones) are going to be uncomfortable with that since I’m a minor. I want to talk to adults about this, because they know more than me and maybe even share the same experience and could tell me what might be happening, but I don’t want to make adults uncomfortable.

I’m just scared. I like being ace. So many of my aspec friends decry sex in the “it’s gross haha we’re all asexuals here hehe” way that I’m scared I’ll suddenly be alienated.

I don’t even know if I actually am attracted to this guy. He’s cute. But I just can’t bring myself to imagine myself in any sexual situation with anybody who’s not fictional. It feels like I’m violating their boundaries. I would feel like a hypocrite for fantasizing about actual people because I’ve always made fun of it to myself and always held the opinion that it feels very strange to do that. It would make me ridiculously uncomfortable to know someone was fantasizing about me. Flattering, sure, but I don’t think I would ever talk to that person again.

I wish I could talk to someone, but I have no one. I feel like I’m too young to talk about it. Even if I were to lie about my age (won’t do that, I promise) I’ve noticed the lack of discussion around sexually intrusive thoughts in the OCD and other communities. They feel taboo, even for adults, and I’m scared to open up about how difficult it is to distinguish between what’s “bad” and what’s “good and normal”. I just want to curl up and never have to look at anyone or be seen or feel anything again.

[buddydollysims2]

get to know me tag!

@nervosims tagged me! thanks so much! I love doing these every once in a while :)

rules: tag 9 people you would like to get to know/catch up with

last song you listened to: well, when I was tagged I believe the last song I’d listened to was It Ends Tonight by All American Rejects, but earlier I was listening to Qveen Herby and ended on Pink Cadillac.

last show you watched: I think the last new-to-me show I watched was Midnight Mass on Netflix, which is fucking phenomenal; do watch it if you haven’t seen it. I bawled like a baby at the end. Erin, my beloved... 🥺 I’m gonna add listened to too, because I listen to podcasts far more often than I watch any movies or shows, and since Is We Dumb just ended, I got into Can You Don’t? and the first episode was really good! I’m excited to hear what they do with it. No Accounting For Taste with Kyle Kinane and Shane Torres is also very good. (I’m a comedy junkie for the most part, if you couldn’t tell).

currently watching/listening to: always Qveen Herby. I started listening to her ironically but she’s actually everything and I love her so much. But right now I’m just bumpin’ to Wild Party’s Phantom Pop album, ‘cause I was in the mood for it. As far as watching, I have Stranger Things in my queue because I haven’t got to it yet o__o and First Bite because it looks really really good—praying it doesn’t disappoint my gay vampire-loving heart.

currently reading: Between books right now but I just read The Seven or Eight Deaths of Stella Fortuna, which I’ve been recommending to literally everyone because it’s just. It’s perfect, it’s everything. (Aro/Ace Protagonist if that sweetens the pot for you!) I will say though, if you look into it and intend on reading it, it’s very trigger heavy as there are very explicit descriptions of SA multiple times throughout the book. I had to take breaks from it a couple times as I was reading, but it was so worth the read. I tried to start Frankenstein because I’ve never read it before, but it’s a bit tough to focus on when I usually read because it requires more concentration, being from an earlier time and having more flowery language that’s easier to get lost in. So, I think when I can get back out to the bookstore I’m gonna pick up The Sirens of Titan and reread that, Kurt Vonnegut has never disappointed me, I always feel so refreshed after reading a Vonnegut novel, but I didn’t really comprehend TSOT when I read it in high school.

current obsession: One of my OCs; a resurrected death god who attempts to live the normal mortal life he was robbed of.

5 songs I’ve had on repeat lately: (According to my Spotify) 1. Confetti - Qveen Herby 2. Free - Florence + The Machine 3. Curls - Bibio 4. 1985 - Bo Burnham 5. WILD - Qveen Herby

I tag: @simsisit, @carrotsimspia, @pollination-technician-27, @simvac, @simspirations2, @slythersim, @simnationlifebefore, @beau-broke (love your blog! where’s your simblr at? I’m dumb and can’t find it), and @s1ndle ♥

No pressure to do this if you hate tags! y’all are just a combo of the most recent unfamiliar people in my activity feed (thanks for checking in!), some I already knew but haven’t interacted with a lot, and a few of y’all I just love. You know who you are (I hope!).

[disasterdemi]

Hello! I've recently just discovered that I'm demiromantic and wanted to share my excitement with someone. I saw your earlier post being so lovely about people using the label so thought I'd message.

I've been struggling to label my romantic orientation for years!! I'm asexual but could never work out what my romantic orientation was. I knew I wasn't aro since I've felt romantic attraction before but it's very uncommon for me. I don't know why I didn't figure it out sooner to be honest!

I do have a question though... Can you still identify with other romantic labels as well as demiromantic? Can I use both the demiromantic and homoromantic labels?

YAY HELLO!!! That's so exciting :D Yeah, "I don't know why I didn't figure it out sooner" is a big mood lol

And okay, yes, I've been meaning to make a post about this for ages (maybe I'll get to it for pride month?), but basically the labels are answering different questions. Aspec identities are about how you feel attraction, whereas the other orientation labels are generally about who you're attracted to. So it absolutely makes sense to use them together if you want to!

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Changing (Demetri Volturi x Reader)

Demetri Volturi was one of the four highest rank guards and one of the two guards tasked to train the lower ranks. You were one of the lower ranks, holding Aro’s interest for your shield. You were being trained to improve it but you didn’t have much hope in yourself. You didn’t belong in the Volturi- this wasn’t what you expected. 

When he wasn’t training, Demetri was a charmer and it was apparent he knew the power he held. That remained when he was training the guard but the charmer was long gone.  “Come on! Push yourself! Move!” Demetri barked. If he yelled that at you one more time, you could have sworn you’d find your newborn strength again and throw him around like a rag doll. 

As far as you were concerned, he was lucky he was pretty. You groaned, rushing to your feet, lunging at Demetri. You jumped, wrapping your legs around his shoulders but Demetri was just as quick, throwing you off him immediately. You once again had hit the floor and he sighed. “Disappointing. Again.” Demetri yanked you back up with a tight grip but surprisingly it didn’t hurt you. “Yesterday, Afton put you down very quickly. That’s not good enough. That can’t happen. You need to be faster, stronger and smarter. Sometimes, you’ll get one chance to take down an opponent and if you miss it or make a wrong move, that’s it. You’re done. We’re not stopping. You’re not done until you are better. If Felix and I have to break every bone in your body for you to get better, we’re doing it.” Demetri, pulled you into him, your back hitting his chest, one arm around your neck, the other holding your free arm outstretched and behind you, almost contorting it to a bend it shouldn’t. “Don’t think anyone will wait for you. Right now i could do two things, one: rip your head off and two: break your arm and rip that off too.”  “No!” you flailed against him. ”I’m going to knock you down as many times as it takes for you to get better and one day you’ll thank me for it.” Demetri said through a clenched jaw. “You’re the last person in this room that’s getting off easy, so fight me off. Now!” 

The other training sessions weren’t much different. The constant threats, the flashes of pain, the yelling the frustration, it never seemed to end. Once again, you had been flung to the floor. “You’re still clinging to this act, aren’t you?” Demetri stood over you. “The weak, shy little vampire who couldn’t hurt a soul? It’s fake, its a lie!” Demetri hauled you up. “You kill humans regularly just to survive! You can do better than this!”  “You’re right...I can.” You stepped away, a cold exterior washing over you and Demetri noticed, looking you over. “I’m done, I’m not doing this anymore. Tell them that, yeah?” You turned and walked away.  “If you leave now, don’t come back.” Demetri said coldly. 

You paused, turning to look back at him. Demetri cast a glance to Felix, acknowledging Felix’s own gaze on Demetri before looking back at you. You knew this was a challenge, a tipping point, you could feel it. If you left, things would never be the same. It was a good thing you didn’t want it to be the same. None of the guards dared to stop fighting. It wasn’t a new thing for lower guards to give up but to walk out on Demetri or Felix. That was a bold move. You turned away and continued to walk, passing through the door. Felix raised an eyebrow as Demetri’s face twisted into one of silent rage. He cast a glance to Felix who nodded and Demetri stormed after you, seeing red. 

Demetri caught up to you, grabbing your wrist and pulling you back before trapping you against the wall. “Get back in there. Now.” “No, I’m not doing this anymore.” You scowled. “I wasn’t asking you.” He said through gritted teeth. “Go, now.” “No! I don’t want to do this anymore! I’ve had it! I’m sick of you treating me this away, you go so overboard with me! Why me!?” “Don’t speak to me that way! I’m doing you a favour. Now get back in there.” “No!” You pushed him away. “I can’t do this anymore!” You sounded less angry and more distressed which made Demetri pause for a moment. “What? Do you think anyone will give a damn about your feelings when they’re trying to kill you!? I’m training you to be better and you need it. Why should I give a damn if you’re going to be so reckless!? After everything I’ve done for you. I’ve helped you grow your gift. I know your potential, that’s why we’re doing this!” “Well I don’t want to anymore! If this is the price then I don’t want it! It forces me to do things I don’t want to do! To be a person I don’t want to become and I can’t do this! I can’t!” You yelled. “You can’t be a guard without training, you were chosen for this! By our masters! Without training you’ll be removed from the guard and what use will you be then? You’ll be a nomad, roaming around for nothing. So you make that choice. Go ahead. Make the choice. I didn’t put this decision upon you, you did.” You stayed silent, not knowing what to pick. You didn’t want to be alone but you didn’t want to be the person you felt you were being forced into. You didn’t know anyone else in this new life. Both options sounded terrible.  “Difficult isn’t it? You didn’t have to make this decision yet here you are.” Demetri scowled.

 After a moment if silence, you spoke. “I need to leave.” “Are you serious? You haven’t been alone a day in your life!” Demetri sighed, cracking a smile. “No…” He shook his head slowly. “…no. You’re so childish.” “Laugh at me all you like.” You said quietly turning away from him and beginning to walk away. “I said no!” Demetri’s anger had returned. He was quick once again and immediately you felt strong arms around your torso. One coiled around your waist, the other across your chest. “Let me go!” You struggled. “You’re not going anywhere!” “Let go of me!” You struggled against him, even trying to hurt him to break his hold but to no avail. You grew silent. Your struggling dying down. “I’m not losing you. I can’t let you leave. I’m protecting you, even if you don’t want it!” Demetri told you. “Why!? Why do you care so much!?” “I care because I love you!” Your eyes widened and you stiffened. You felt Demetri’s forehead against the tip of your shoulder. He sighed. “I never intended to tell you now and especially not like this. I’m not doing any of this to hurt you. I’m doing it to protect you from the world out there because I can’t watch you get hurt or die. If you need to go then you can, but I’m asking you not to. At least think about it first. Please don’t leave.” You nodded. “I’ll think about it.” You said quietly. When he let go, you immediately went to your room. 

You didn’t know what to think a few days later when passing by Demetri in the hallway. You tried to not make eye contact but we’re force to look up at the call of your name. Demetri had stopped and was seemingly looking you over. His best friend was Felix so you had no doubt that he told Demetri that you were at the very least a mess and not any closer in convincing yourself to stay. He looked at you with a soft expression and slight traces of concern. He stepped closer to you and wrapped you in a hug. 

You didn’t mention leaving for a week after that, you hadn’t left either so many assumed you decided to stay. However Demetri seemed to avoid you after that. Had he only confessed with the hope you’d leave? It made you angry. He couldn’t drop a bombshell like that and just disappear. 

 Felix strummed his knuckles against you door that night. You stared at the closed door, contemplating whether to respond. However he knew you were there so really what was the point in keeping quiet. “Come in.” You said quietly. “Hey kid, can I talk to you for a moment?” It was very strange to have Felix ask you a question and not bark orders at you. You nodded. “Of course. You can sit down if you want.” You nodded to the space in front of you on the bed. Felix looked at the space before sitting beside you. “I feel obligated to tell you that we aren’t hard on you through any ill will. Your shield shows great potential.” “I’ve heard that a lot recently.” “I know…” Felix said. “and it’s true.” Felix paused. “Your shield looks to be potentially stronger than Renata’s. Not only can yours be used for defence but also offense. You can move it and use it to push things out of your way if you so wished it. Renata cannot. That is why we have to push you so much. You’re the bigger target.” You nodded.  “Demetri spoke to you, didn’t he?” Felix nodded. “You know?” “I’ve always known.” You sighed, running a hand down your face. “I’ll leave you be.” “Thanks Felix.” Felix nodded before leaving the room. 

Demetri continued to avoid you for more days after that, everyday you slowly began to grow angrier until you couldn’t hide it anymore. Those around you knew something was wrong but didn’t ask. You never looked to be in the mood to talk about it. 

Finally after not seeing Demetri for another week and a half, he caught your eye immediately. Him and his perfect blonde hair. You must have stared him down long enough because he turned to look over his shoulder to see you. He turned away once again. You wouldn’t be taking that for an answer. 

“Are you enjoying this?” You stormed up to him and he said nothing, not even casting a glance to you and continuing to speak to the receptionist, giving her orders for the Masters. “Cut out the silent treatment. I mean it.” Still he said nothing and refused to look at you. In anger you made a pushing motion and like a ripple suddenly everything was thrown off the receptionists desk making her shriek before covering her mouth. Demetri muttered to the receptionist telling her to clean the mess before grabbing your arm and pulling you to a secluded hallway. 

“Alright, you’ve made your point.” Demetri said. “Could have fooled me, I haven’t seen you in two weeks!” You said through a clenched jaw. “The looks I’ve been getting! Aro and Caius are questioning my loyalty. You remember what happens if they’re not convinced right? They’re called Corin and Chelsea! This is ridiculous! Why am I being punished!?” “You’re not-” “Like hell I’m not!” You snapped. “The looks I’ve been getting, my gift- I’m struggling to control it! Everyone is trying to pretend everything is fine!” “What do you want from me?” Demetri asked with a hint of exasperation. You stared him down. “Forget it. Just forget it. I’m having a hard time and no one wants to see it.” “I do!” Demetri responded. “You’re not here anymore! You left me with all of this! It’s getting worse and i’m tired of fighting it.” You stormed off. 

You had been gone for a few days.  “Did either of you send (Y/N) on a mission?” Aro asked. “They aren’t in Volterra.” Caius shook his head. “No.” The two looked to Marcus who shook his head.  “Did they leave without permission?” Aro raised an eyebrow.  “They left with permission.” Marcus responded and Caius leaned forward to see past Aro. “You just said you hadn’t sent them!”  “Yes, you asked if I sent them on a mission and i didn’t but i did permit them to leave.”  “When will they return?” Aro asked.  “Why would you allow this!?” Caius snapped.  “They won’t be back from my knowledge.” Marcus ignored Caius. Aro’s head snapped towards Marcus as well as Demetri and Felix’s gazes. “When you say leave...?”  “I permitted (Y/N) to leave the Volturi.” Demetri could have sworn his heart might have just shattered. Felix looked just as surprised, sparing a glance to his friend.  “Why did you do that?” Caius said through gritted teeth. Marcus didn’t look willing to answer. “Speak!” Caius snapped.  “Why did you do this and not consult us?” Aro said blankly, all pleasantries gone and hiding his building anger. Marcus thought for a moment. “They came to see me the other night, and were very distressed. I knew something was wrong and so i took them to a more private area of the castle.” 

“I don’t know what to do master I...I need help and i don’t know where else to seek it.”  “You’ve come to the right place. Are you harmed?” Marcus asked, sensing how distraught you were. You shook your head, visibly looking more upset.  “Come sit.” Marcus sat you down and Marcus sat opposite you. “I’ve never seen you so upset, (Y/N), what’s wrong?”  “Master, can i ask something first?” Marcus nodded. “Demetri told me he had feelings for me, can you confirm that? Is he lying to me?” Marcus looked at you for a moment, slightly startled at the question but shook his head. “No, his feelings are genuine. Your bond with one another is genuine and you return those feelings but...something holds you back and you hold an immense anger. Is this what has been bothering you?”  “I don’t understand.” You whispered. “I thought he hated me. He’s ruined me. I can’t control my shield anymore. I’m afraid i’m going to hurt someone!”  “Is it growing?” You slowly nodded. “I’m losing control over it and it’s their fault. They’re pushing me to become a person i don’t want to be.” You stood up quickly, panicked. “I don’t think i can stay here. Not if I-I could hurt someone!”  “(Y/N)...” Marcus stood up moving to approach you and reaching out for you. “Listen to me-”  “No!” You flinched, startled by his movements but it was too late. Just like that an unseen force pushed Marcus back. Not even to hurt him but the look of horror on your face told him everything. You staggered back locking your hands together and towards your chest, hunching over slightly. You looked pained almost, and terrified.  “I’m so sorry...I didn’t mean to.” You squeezed your eyes shut. Marcus stared at you.” “(Y/N)...” Marcus said quietly. “If you feel you’d be happy elsewhere, then you can go. You’d have to leave your things but if you want to leave then that’s okay. You can go.”  “You’re telling me...you permitted them to leave the Volturi!?” Caius was livid and Aro looked like his anger was bubbling underneath the surface of his cold exterior.  “I did.” The two couldn’t see the ghost of a smile on the right half of Marcus’ face, his lips upturning.

You put your hands in your pockets, hood covering your face as you stepped into the alley. Whilst alleys were never the safest of places, you felt completely safe, even as another vampire followed you in. Truth be told, you knew your were the most dangerous in this situation, so really why should you be worried?  “You don’t belong here.” A gruff voice called behind you. “You’re trespassing.” You turned to the male vampire. “I’m visiting, looking for someone. Looking for you.”  “Well what do you want?”  “For you to tell me where Elton and Mariam is.” You said blankly. He scoffed. “Like i’d tell you anything.” You hummed in amusement. “Come on Ricky, we want the easy way, not the hard way.” Ricardo’s eyes widened.  “Ricardo is Spanish right? Portuguese?”  “No one calls me Ricky.” You laughed. “No one but Amelie, or as you call her- Mel.” Ricardo’s eyes flashed striding towards you. “How do you know-”  “Your mate? We had a lovely little chat. Although she isn’t doing too well now, in fact- she’s a little fearful for the both of you. She doesn’t know where Elton and Mariam is but you do. She could only lead me to you. It took some force, to get it out of her but...she did after some convincing.”  “What did you do!?” Ricardo growled. “How do you know us!?”  “Alright, you and your friends - you’re not really a coven yet, right? Anyway, you’ve been misbehaving and making a newborn army to overthrow the Volturi, right? I know Elton and Mariam are the ringleaders and i’m dealing with you all accordingly. So, where are they?”  “Did you hurt Amelie?”  “Yes, I did.” You said simply. “I already destroyed, Evan and Xavier. It was a shame, they were a cute couple. They told me where to find her and i did. She was stubborn, and eventually i ripped off her arms. After a while she told me you were here and now here i am. Your turn to answer questions.”  “Did you kill her!?”  “Of course and you will join her once you tell me what i need to know. So...” You made a pushing motion and Ricardo flew back against a wall, the force pinning him. “...where are they? Or do i have to rip your arms off too? The sooner you tell me, the sooner you can be with your sweet Amelie.”  “You!” Ricardo yelled out in rage and grief. “You vile-!”  “Or i could make you tell me and leave you alive. I know someone who lost his mate and has had to live with it. It’s not pleasant, not even to watch. So, what do you want to tell me?”  “You- you killed Amelie, Evan and Xavier?” He said in pain.  “Yes, I did. Last chance before the arm comes off.” “There’s- there’s no point- no reason to - okay, i’ll tell you.”  “That’s the Ricky we know and love, well, that Mel loves.” You smiled sweetly as the man in front of you was crumbling apart at his loss.  “Germany, they’re in Germany, they suspected someone was after us and we split up. It was- it was-”  “Yeah, that was me. Now you can go.” Ricardo didn’t get any time to react before his head was ripped from his shoulders.

Demetri stood with his arms crossed by the fireplace. After a moment Felix joined him. “That’s five dead now.” “It’s been three months.” Demetri said. “I don’t know what they’re doing-” Felix began. “I do. They’re making a statement. They want me to see this. They want me to come and find them.” “You can’t. Not yet anyway.” Felix said. “I will at some point though, I’ll have to drag them out of this hell they’ve put themselves into.” “You’ve helped them dig the pit you speak of.” Felix responded. “You know that.” “Yes…” Demetri’s eyed the flames. “I did. Now it is only I who can dig them out.” “Then let’s hope you have a plan for the kid. They’ll need it. They’re on thin ice. One wrong move and it’s all over for them.” Felix finished.

“Our dear (Y/N), appears to have been doing our bidding for the past eight months.” Aro began. Marcus looked weary.  “Indeed, it appears so.” Caius looked uncertain how he felt about it.  “However, i must admit brothers, i fear their safety for they are no longer in our ranks.” Aro tilted his head. Caius turned his head to Aro. “Indeed but i imagine you’re more concerned about their gift.” Aro ruefully smiled. “I believe we should retrieve them. Send Alec, Felix and Demetri to return them to us.” Caius nodded. “Very well.” Marcus said nothing resting his head in one of his hands. 

The vampire scrambled back as you walked towards them. “What did I ever do to you!?” She screeched. “To me? Nothing, Miriam.” You shook your head lightly. “Then why!? Why are you doing this to me!?” Miriam clutched her cracked arm. You smiled at the woman offering her a light shrug before lunging. Her scream was cut off as well as her head. After some walking it wasn’t long until you found the male vampire. “So you lied to me and said you never told her about the newborn army you were making, hm? Too bad she had to pay the price.” “You!” Elton lunged but you anticipated his moves. The man lost in seconds, his emotions driving him before any conscious thought.

A familiar scent hit your nostrils and you turned quickly, dropping the vampire before taking off running. Suddenly a brute force collided into the back of you before rolling you into your back and pinning you. You were greeted by Alec’s smirk. “Alec!” You screeched. “Get off!” “You’ve been busy haven’t you (Y/N)?” Alec gave you grin. “Get off!” You tried to flail against him and whilst you did move him, he had a tight grip making only your struggle apparent with no actual success. “Shhhh…” Alec said in amusement, oddly calm and content. “Just relax. Here, let me help you.” You screeched as you felt a numbness begin from your wrists, under his fingers and travelled around your body. “No! Stop!” You moved against him but significantly weaker than before. Alec continued to smile down at you before everything faded to black.

 Alec looked over his shoulder, smiling at Demetri and Felix. “It isn’t often you tackle people Alec.” Felix mused. “I wanted this done quickly. I don’t like being without my sister, the chase isn’t nearly as fun without her.” Felix lightly shrugged, expecting nothing less. “What do you want me to do with them Demetri?” Alec grinned, unable to help himself from the light tease. 

When your eyes opened you recognised the walls and the intricate patterns on the ceiling. You inhaled sharply, moving quickly to a stand. They brought you back here. To Volterra. You were met with Alec’s smirk. He headed for the door and left without a word. You turned your head to find you weren’t alone. You sucked on your teeth. 

Demetri’s back was towards you, looking at the large fireplace in front of him, arms crossed. You said nothing, unceremoniously flopping onto the seat, crossing a leg over the other.  “It’s about time you come to see me.”  “Still keeping track of me Demetri? Consider me flattered.” You responded smoothly. He turned to face you, gracing a small smirk on his features. “Well, I doubt you’re very surprised. You were a favourite.” You snorted in response. “From what i remember, if anyone considered me a favourite- it was the floor.” Demetri said nothing, stuffing his hands in his pockets. The same calculating gaze he always wore. “I hear you’ve been a vigilante of sorts.”  “I follow the laws, and i do it for fun. I find it a great release for a lot of anger.” Demetri chuckled. “You’re still going on rage-fueled killing sprees?” “You can’t kill what’s already dead.” You responded flatly. “Don’t be jealous, I’d say i’m making your job easier.”  “You know that’s not what i want, especially for you. I was training you to defend yourself, not become a killing machine.”  “What’s the difference?”  “You don’t mean that. I know you, (Y/N).”  “Yeah, i remember it well. I believe the words were ‘weak, shy little vampire who couldn’t hurt a soul. A ‘fake’.” 

Demetri was leaning over you in minutes, his arms holding himself on the arm rests of your chair. “Don’t use my words back at me and certainly don’t twist them. I never said you were fake, i said you were playing an act. Whether it was to make yourself feel better or look better, i wouldn’t know. You’re doing this not for the better good, you’re doing it for yourself, you’re doing it to spite me.” He backed away. “For myself? So when I dealt with a human that noticed something odd about one of your guards, who was that for?”  “Don’t pretend, you didn’t do it because you’re angry with me. You have something to prove, don’t you?” You stood up leaning in close. “No, i’m showing that your actions have consequences and don’t think i don’t know you don’t like it. You miss what i was like before because that person you actually knew. You don’t know the person sitting in front of you.” 

Demetri looked at you softly. It made him look innocent, gentle, welcoming and suddenly you were sure if you knew Demetri as well as you had thought. You moved back to your seat, looking at your lap. “Why were you so hard on me if you cared about me? Why do I still have you attention?  This is personal, surely I’ve done something to make you-” Demetri shook his head as you spoke moving once again bit this time, moving to his knees, putting his hands over yours. “I was hard on you because i love you. I don’t want anything to hurt you or kill you. That won��t change and i know you want it to, so badly but i wont ever stop loving you.” You didn’t look at him, remaining in silence as he lifted your chin to make you look at him. “I tried to be angry with you, discipline you, manipulate you into doing what i wanted but i failed. I failed because i love you! I loved you then, just the way you were and it killed me to know that couldn’t defend yourself. You were the most challenging because i care too much. On the contrary to what you seem to have told yourself to feel better about all of this. I couldn’t give up on you. Even now, you’re on the edge, on the verge of leaving and i can’t let you go. Perhaps i was blind, unwilling to see how this affected you.” Demetri stepped away sitting on a seat opposite you. “As i said, I tried to change you, build you up into an immovable force but you didn’t need me. You did it on your own. You’re more powerful than i could have ever expected. You should be proud!” 

You cracked a smirk despite your cold gaze. Although it slowly wavered only slightly showing your pain. “You made me think you hated me.” Demetri said nothing, his complete attention on you. “I thought nothing I did was good enough for you. You made me feel that way. You were the most wonderful thing in the world to me and eventually I felt suffocated by you being in the same room. Even when I know I don’t need to breathe. You were impossible to satisfy. I lost control of everything.” “You didn’t.” Demetri said quietly. “You could have moved Alec off of you, you didn’t. You let him take you.” Your gaze faltered and Demetri was once again, crouching in front of you and taking hold of your hands. “You’re allowed to be angry but I can’t let you continue this journey. You’re getting reckless. You’ll be hunted. This isn’t you- I know you. You’re wonderful.”  “This is a mess, Demetri. This isn’t remotely healthy. If we were human-” “We’re not human. By human standards perhaps it is, but we’re not human and we have to do terrible things on a daily basis to survive by humans morals.” 

You were silent for a moment. “Promise me you aren’t lying to me, Demetri. Promise me.” Demetri stepped forward pulling you to a stand and into him, closing the distance between you both with his hands on your upper arms. “I would never lie about this, (Y/N).” “How can you ask me to move on from this?” You whispered. “Because I’d die without you.” Demetri said quietly. “I’ve always known that, it’s why I tried so hard with you.” Demetri coiled his arms around your torso, making sure no distance was created. “You were always the one for me and I can’t lose you. It was painful enough when you left here…if you died…” Demetri trailed off, shaking his head slowly and swallowing hard. “Stay with me, (Y/N). Please. Things will be so different. I’ll fix this.” Demetri lifted your head, making you look at him. “Please.” He planted a kiss to your cheek. “Please.” This one was more pleading as he looked into your eyes. You couldn’t find the words to speak. He pulled your face to his, planting a sweet kiss to your lips and holding you there for a moment. Once he pulled back, he watched your expression, looking for any sign. Slowly you nodded your head. “Okay…okay, I’ll stay.”

[aroreanimator]

for @fandomshateaspecs ask game!

what’s your favourite part about being aromantic? the other people in the community! everyone is unique and incredible.

what’s your least favourite part about being aromantic? lack of human physical contact.

favourite colour? i really like yellow, but all colours are wonderful!

favourite colour from the aro pride flag? probably the black, if we’re going off outfits.

favourite pride flag, aro or not? i love the aroflux flag. it looks so nice. i also love the agender one!

favourite arospec blogger? @aroaesflags is super cool and i like their flag designs!

ever been to a pride event? yeah, twice! probably never going in the same city again though. rainbow capitalism is a bit yikes.

aro culture is... dragons................. also amanda palmer songs ?

when did you realise you were arospec? i realised i was somehow queer when i was about 12. the demiromantic label was with me for many years before i realised i was fully aromantic (only recently).

have you come out to anyone? yeah, online, and a couple of friends IRL.

biggest arospec misconception? that we don’t feel anything.

questioning arospec advice? try out a label and see if it works for you. if it doesn’t, you can always change it.

do you know other aro people? eh, i follow people on here, and i’m pretty sure my QPP is arospec.

want to change the aro flag? nope! i think it’s good like it is, personally. maybe there are issues that i’m not aware of, but i like the one we have.

what’s a movie that you get aro vibes from? i have an IMDB list for this express reason. it’s sort of a weird answer, but jurassic park feels very aro to me. i think i just like dinosaurs. dr who i also have Major Aro Love for, but it’s not a movie.

what’s a song you get aro vibes from? i also have a playlist. many amanda palmer songs give me aro vibes, but whoa whoa whoa by watsky is my go-to aro capricorn INTJ power song.

what’s a book that you get aro vibes from? i have arospec headcanons for at least one character in basically every book i’ve read. i was thinking about the hunger games recently, and i like the idea of aro johanna mason. an entire book... maybe the music of razors. idk why.

favourite arospec meme? uhhhh. probably the pigeon one but with platonic vs. romantic attraction. that’s a mood.

turtles, frogs, or kangaroos? frogs!!!!!!

question that you wish people would stop asking about you being arospec? not so much a question but an assumption. “you’ll find the right person some day”. like... the assumption that there’s a “right” person, that everyone needs to find this “right” person... ugh.

[lullabyashes]

Voidpunk, Anyone?

Recently I have been trying to learn more about the aromantic community (since I don’t really interact with communities in general but I felt like I didn’t know enough about my fellow aros) and I’ve been reading about voidpunk and voidsonas. Let me tell you the void aesthetic makes me very happy. I am in the mood to draw some voidsonas so GUESS WHAT?

If you headcannon a character as aromantic and would like to see me design them a voidsona send me an ask! I may also draw one or two for any of my aro followers as well :)

[arofili]

tagged by @nowendil​, thanks!

nicknames: technically ‘anna’ is a nickname

zodiac sign: virgo

height: 5′8″

hogwarts house: hufflepuff!

the last thing i googled: “ray bradbury” because someone was talking about him in class and i fuckin hate that guy and needed #receipts

favourite musicians: idk lol. i’ve been listening to regina spektor a lot recently? also i’m getting into st. vincent rn. my music taste is...eclectic

song stuck in your head: keeps going between the song i’m currently writing and “older and taller” by regina spektor

following: 878 (damn i should do a purge of inactives....)

followers: 2079. i was almost as 2.1k but i purged a bunch of bots the other day lmao.

do you get asks: i almost answered “no” but you know what? recently i have consistently getting an ask or two a week, so yeah i guess!

amount of sleep: not enough. never enough

lucky number: idk, 7?

what you’re wearing: a dress, sandals, a hoodie cuz i got cold

dream job: author!

dream trip: lmao literally anywhere, i’ve never left the us rip

instruments: piano & voice :)

languages: just english

favorite songs: fuck if i know... i’ve been listening to “doomed” by moses sumney a lot recently? it’s a Big Aro Mood

random fact: i am VERY hungry right now....

aesthetic: i want to be like a pastel ethereal elf or some shit but in reality im a person buried in a pile of blankets

i tag @xonference @bayta-darell @aroacevaljean and @eurydicebabey !

[ssironstrange]

Aphobia in my fandom? Gtfo

I know I'm not the first and i won't be the last to address this. But since APPARENTLY (???)I'm one of the main Ironstrange blogs, i wanted to use that to my advantage to talk about this. 

First and foremost, if you are an aphobe then unfollow me and fuck off. Secondly, I'm not ace and my knowledge is limited to what i’ve gathered from ace friends, but I'll be damned if i don't speak up for my ace babes after some of the things I've been seeing recently.

So let's start with the main issue here. There seems to be a severe misunderstanding of asexuality. Much like other sexualities it has variables. There are sex repulsed aces and sex positive aces and aces that fall somewhere in between. Just because one doesn't feel sexual attraction towards another person doesn't automatically mean they don't feel sexual desire, aka arousal. The two are not the same thing. Literally unless there are health issues involved, the body is always going feel arousal. That's what hormones do. Imbalances in hormones can cause increase and decrease in levels of arousal, but the capability will always be there. That said, some aces enjoy masturbating and sex because they feel good. You don't have to be sexually attracted to a person to enjoy sex. (I've slept with my fair share who i had NO attraction towards but they were what was available and i was a horny and experimental college student) and some aces would rather never touch themselves or another person that way and will just let the arousal pass. Some aces don't like sex but like pleasuring their partner. Some are a mixture of a little of everything. Some it may literally just depend on their mood of the day. So, yes, an ace person can be in a sexual relationship. But SEX IS NOT THE ONLY FACTOR OF A RELATIONSHIP!!!! i say this as someone about as far from being ace as possible. Y'all know me. I'm a thirsty bitch ALWAYS. I love smut and porn and everything nsfw. But I'm going to let y'all in on a side of my personal life i tend to keep pretty private. I have a bad relationship with sex IRL. I suffered many years of sexual abuse as a child which fucked up my whole mentality about sex that I'm still working through 20 some odd years after the fact. On top of mental hangups, I've had physical issues with it severe enough to require surgery. My s/o and i might have sex once a month or once every other month, and most of the time its because i want to make him feel good, not because i want it myself. It's a very slow process of retraining my brain’s pathways back to sex = good and fun rather than sex = bad and pain. And by slow i mean out of the 9 years we've been together, over 5 years have been this way. So don't fucking tell me you can't have a meaningful relationship without sex. If that's the deal breaker then ya might need to reevaluate yourself. Yes, it can be very important but its not the only thing that is important. 

Now, like EVERYONE, aces come in many flavors of romantic preferences. Aro, pan, poly, demi, homo, het, ect ect. Some aces have no desire for sex or romance, but instead have deep meaningful friendships or love of the non-romantic variety. Some aces are the opposite and want ALL OF THE RELATIONSHIPS(hello my fellow polys) but may or may not want any sex involved. Romantic attraction is not sexual attraction. 

Aces can still be very affectionate, very cuddly, very touchy. Some may be completely okay with naked but non-sexual spooning and touching (non-sexual intimate touching is a very healthy thing to practice for any relationship if you aren’t touch-adverse), some can still gladly dirty talk, some can flirt even better than non-aces, some still enjoy reading about sex because it’s a. not about them and b. theres a big difference in what you conjure up in your head vs. the actual thing. From my understanding, aces are mainly focused on the emotional aspects. They’re happy if their partner is happy.

So. If your "ace" headcanons are anything other than actually being ace, stop.  typical reasons ace headcanons that are not fucking ace.

Being dedicated to work/duty and "not having the time for personal needs" 

Wanting a reason to exclude a person from a ship and making that person ace out of convenience

A character being stoic, hard to read, not talkative, or standoffish

A character who isn’t particularly affectionate or touchy

Making an underaged character ace just to prevent shipping with older characters (while done with good intentions, still is not ace)  

Being aro (You can be aroace but aro is about the romance, not sexual attraction.)

Using asexuality as a plot device is not acceptable. 

Using asexuality to fight against a ship is not acceptable. 

Fetishizing asexuality by making them naive to the point of childish is not only unacceptable but a fucking insult. (Yes, curiosity is bound to happen. experimenting is going to happen, but unless they’ve literally been secluded from other human beings and without access to technology at all, they’re going to have all the same information everyone else does)

Ace babes, you are valid and your actual ace headcanons and ships are valid. And if anyone tells you otherwise they're just ignorant assholes that can unkindly fuck right off :)

[arojenniferwalters]

No canon straight characters; using labels needed for canonicity? and period accuracy in fanfic

These are some random thoughts I have on couple of posts I've seen on my dash lately, so I'm just randomly writing down my thoughts:

1) most characters are not actually straight on canon because they don't specifically say 'I'm straight' or 'i'm only romantically and sexually attracted to people of the so called opposite gender'.

This is very true. In fact, most character never identify as straight unless there are non-straight or trans characters in the work as a counterpoint. Grace Adler says she's straight. Jennifer Walters is not lesbian. Peter whatever from Doubt is still straight when dating a trans woman. Kenzi from Lost Girl reciprocates Bo's coming out.

I recently wrote a long meta on another sideblog about how a character never identifies as straight and how the writing and portrayal lead to credible non-straight interpretations even though I know he's supposed to be straight.

So basically, straight characters are usually explicitly straight when it's known that not everyone is. If there exists character who are trans or not straight, other characters then might also express their straightness in response.

But mostly it's cisheteronormativity that makes us accept that unless they state otherwise, they are supposed to be cis and straight.

(Of course this gets complicated when we talk about rep bcus 'they didn't say they aren't x or y' doesn't really count as proper rep. But it's complicated, but like headcanons are fair game. Like, 'you shouldn't hc this canon straight character as not straight' isn't a good argument, because few character actually *are* canon straight. Most characters just have the potential to be or are in m/f pairings but that doesn't mean that straight is the only thing they can be.)

2) Labels are great. Labels tell people without a doubt who that character is and it is incredibly validating to see characters identify the same way you do (shoutout to Aled Last!). But does a character need to use a label to properly count as having this identity, if there is strong coding and word of god?

I'm conflicted. I really am. Because you can do a decent job of making characters gay/lesbian/m-spec without necessarily using a label (although not using it can be obnoxious, especially with m-spec characters), that's not necessarily the same with a-spec characters. Because there's not enough rep for us for people to read in and accept the subtext/coding. (Canon ace, coded aro is another issue but that's semi besides the point)

Here I'm mainly thinking of Raphael Santiago in books vs TV show, and comparing 2 word of god demi characters; Rivka of Mangoverse and Julian Blackthorn of The Dark Artifices.

So, book!Raphael for a long time was barely/maybe coded aroace and after he was killed off he became a word of god aroace through twitter. Then came 2017 and the tv show and new book appearances and suddenly he got to verbally say ace (and/or aro) things without using the label. I haven't read-read the books with that canonization yet but it seems to be very clear now that he is sex and romance repulsed aroace. Great.

The tv show canonized his aceness before the books did but they did it without using labels and basically making a mess of his romantic orientation (is he still aro? Arospec? Alloromantic who just didn't feel rom attraction much? He never did pursue a romantic relationship with Izzy after the addiction mess even though they acknowledged that they cared for each other, but was it romantic from Raph? We don't know! *throws hands in the air in frustration*).

As much as I love show!Raphael, "I'm just not interested in sex." isn't necessarily the best way to establish aceness. Mostly because if you google 'not interested in sex', you get articles on libido and how to increase it, with one article talking about aceness, but not in the title. But the fact that Raphael says he's always been like this, that he's never pressured into having sex and is at peace with his orientation does, to me, make it good rep. I still kinda wish he'd used a label though.

Then the demi rep: neither Rivka nor Julian identifies as demi in text. Shira Glassman didn't at first realize she was writing Rivka in a demi way, in fact the backcover identifies her as straight (kinda as a 'there will be no romantic tension between Rivka and Shulamit' way, similar to Bo and Kenzi in section 1). But when people mentioned that she seems like a hetro demi, Shira embraced that and while the world doesn't do labels the way we do, she is still demi. I love her and I am happy she exists and she is accepted demi rep.

Now, Julian is a different thing. In TDA, he is 17, the year is 2012 and the Internet exists. After the 2nd book, people started speculating that Julian is demi based on how he thinks about never being attracted to anyone but Emma, and how he had started to feel different from his peers when he didn't start experiencing attraction like they did. Someone asked about this from Cassandra Clare and she answered the ask privately, saying that if he was a modern, non-Shadowhunter teenager and he had access to information about the identity, that he would identify as demisexual. The issue is that considering the timeframe (2012) and everything about his situation, he doesn't have access to that label so he doesn't use it.

So. Here we have a canon demi character, based on coding and word of god who has semi realistic reason for not knowing the label and thus not identifying with it, even though he would if he could. But a lot of people don't want to accept that. And that's where my issues come from: Julian says and thinks some very demi things, and to me doesn't do anything that invalidates his deminess. Why is that not enough? Like, I absolutely want him to use that label, I want to read him say it and find comfort in it. But why is his character not demi rep enough because he doesn't use the word?

Rivka has similar reasons for not having the label (not our world and the terminology doesn't exist) and while I doubt there are that much overlap between the 2 fandoms, I am curious about the difference. Neither one is not identifying as demi because they aren't demi, they don't identify as demi because they don't know the identity exists. Yet both are still demi characters.

How much does a character have to emphasize that they've only ever been attracted to one person/very few people, with the author validating that reading, before they are acceptable demi rep?

Another point is Princeless: Raven the Pirate Princess. That one has at least one demi character and maybe two acearo characters but they don't use labels. I love them all, but I feel uncertain about talking about Cid as an aroace character because she hasn't been talked about in that way the way Jayla has been. And I love Quinn and I cried when I read that the (pirate) ship has characters who identify as demisexual in a creator letter, but again, no one is using a-spec labels. It's frustrating. But it doesn't invalidate the rep.

3) I think the level of knowledge characters have on queerness should be an in-character discussion. Like, I've written characters as demi without the character using the label; I've written characters discovering a label; I have one fic where there's little possibility of the character having knowledge of the identity (because it's possible the label hasn't been coined yet). I try to stay in character about whether the character would know or have use for label and keep in mind the timeframe. There's a demi pairing I can't really write because neither characters exist in 2006 and beyond. Someone once complained that a book published in 2003 didn't describe the character as demi when the label hadn't yet been created while asexual worked as an umbrella term which included demis, so it still makes sense that the character would identify as asexual.

I don't think it's wrong to have a character be very knowledgeable about queer things if that's what you want to write, whether or not that's in character or realistic within the timeframe. Fanfic is about self indulgeance after all.

Some of that relates to what I'm in the mood to write. My magnum opus is 'this character is demi in all 78 eps of the show, but he'll only figure it out towards the beginning of the last season, just because I want that' and then I have another that's 'screw it, he has a better idea about his queerness but realizes the full picture in s4'.

I do try to be period accurate and think about whether or not the character would have access to the term. But sometimes I just want to have my faves identifying the way I want them to.

4) These are some very random, semi connected thoughts and I'm not even quite sure what the point was. I just feel like writing more about these things.

I am interested in discussing these issues. How much coding does a character need to be accepted as proper rep if the label isn't used? Can rep be valid if a random person reading it doesn't realize that there is that specific coding? If the book has queer readers, is there more leeway (sp) to not using the label, assuming that people reading a book with bi and trans characters or an f/f might also pick up the demi/ace/aro coding? If the author unknowingly wrote a demi character, does it still count if they accept that reading of the character and keep writing them as demi?

Anyway that was a lot of randomness.

[blackrose-ffxiv]

Non-Aggression Treaty 10/13

Idristan Agache lets out a long sigh as he walks into Wineport. He looked tired, though for once it seemed to be less exhaustion and more sleeplessness, if the circles under his eyes were any indication. From the look on his face, he was in an even more grumpy mood than usual too, something that the morning (or well, approaching afternoon) sun was doing nothing to help. He was dressed casually, and though he had his staff with him, he certainly didn't seem to be expecting trouble. Which would perhaps end up being a mistake.

Lebeaux Desrosiers arrived at Wineport and dusted a bit of dirt from his cloak immediately. The outer towns and villages were always so… dirty. Yet he could see the charm of Wineport. The rolling green fields and proud stone structures did strike a chord, they were almost reminiscent of Coerthas before the snow. The information had indeed proven correct and there was a white-clad elezen with hair to match and a staff far too pretty for his miserable talents as a conjurer. Idristan. Lebeaux followed after, though he was careful to remain out of striking distance for now. “Good afternoon.” He offered cheerfully, his smug smile already in place. “Drinking away your sorrows or have you come to find work as a field hand. Perhaps even you won’t be able to muck that up.”

Idristan starts and whirls on his heel at the familiar voice. "Oh, for the love of Halone," he mutters irritably under his breath. "Lebeaux," he says, his voice as cold as ice as his hands ball into fists at his sides. "I have no idea what sorrows you're talking about," he declares. "And perhaps you should be the one considering field work. Perhaps you would find more success in that than in duels."

“Oh? You’re not in mourning for your most recent employment endeavor? Or your convicted company mates? You are cold, aren’t you.” He teased, bringing a hand up to his mouth as though to stifle a chuckle. Though none was forthcoming. His gaze drifted briefly around the small settlement. “Oh, of course you aren’t taking field work. A monster who would use disgusting forbidden craft in a sacred trial would be better suited in the dirt rather than working it…” He noted pointedly.

Idristan glares over at the other Elezen. "Hardly," he snaps, or perhaps lies. "It was a job. Nothing more, nothing less. And they knew exactly the risks that they were taking," he adds. "Better them than all of us," he adds quietly, under his breath. His hands ball tighter, knuckles showing white at Lebeaux's next words. "Well, the same goes for you, now doesn't it? I think we both know how the Alliance treats those who have been tempered. A swift blade to the neck, or perhaps a few bullets..." He lets his voice trail off to make the point, before adding: "So how are the voices in your head this sun?"

Gloved fingers curled into fists as well before they smoothed out again with the soft creak of leather. He had come armed, just in case, yet he wasn’t eager to turn it into a brawl just yet. The medic smiled sweetly. “Your ignorance is astounding. You have a glimpse of true divinity and you would call it ‘tempering’.” He scoffed, then held up both of his hands. “For now we shall simply blame it on the veil of void taint skewing your perspective. That isn’t why I’m here. I’m here to talk. Preferably with a glass of wine since I’ve had to come all the way out to Wineport for it.”

Idristan shakes his head. "No, I'm fairly certain that it's just tempering. What did you do Lebeaux?" he asks, his tone turning light and mocking. "What did you summon? Because I've heard that that is heretical," he finishes pointedly. He then rolls his eyes, apparently not impressed by this explanation--either one of them really. "Sure you are," he remarks dryly. "I'll believe that when I actually see it."

Lebeaux rolled his eyes and exhaled a long-suffering sigh as well. “If it will shut your loathsome mouth; I have never summoned. Not a primal nor a void creature. Far more than I can say for you, Idristan.” He noted calmly. “Now if it’s proof of my intentions you want, you’ll have it.” He swept a hand aside to gesture to the local inn. “A calm discussion like gentlemen.” He paused, covering his mouth again as though he’d just made a faux pas. “Oh, excuse me. A gentleman and a slum-born-bastard with delusions of being a gentleman.”

Idristan's lips curl back, briefly revealing that set of fangs. "I am no void mage," he snaps. At least, not for a long time. He narrows his eyes as he briefly follows Lebeaux's gesture, some of that anger returning at being called a bastard. But for now he manages to keep it in check. Mostly. "Fine Lennaux," he says coldly. "After you." He pauses for a moment, as if in thought, then adds: "I wonder which is worse. Being a bastard, or being an exile. I feel like it must be the latter."

“I would recommend you not let that name pass your lips again, you sully it.” He turned on his heel with a theatrical snap of his coattails, taking a moment to ensure his smile was still in place. A little crooked but otherwise intact. He stalked over to the inn. “Present yourself to your precious Reformists as what you truly are and see if they still welcome you with open arms.” He said slowly before he pushed the door open to find a seat.

"From what I've heard, you seem to have done an excellent job of sullying it yourself. Is that why you don't use it anymore?" he needles as he follows reluctantly after Lebeaux. He takes a seat as well, carefully across the table and out of easy reach, before he glowers over at Lebeaux, his hands curling into fists once more. "At least I wouldn't be going down alone, if I did that," he hisses back. "I'm sure my Reformists would be delighted to have the name and address of an Inquisitor hiding from justice." Of course, his justice would likely not involve beheading, unless Lebeaux was too stupid to swallow his pride. An unfortunate detail that.

A hand was raised, showing his empty palm to Idristan in a gesture of truce. At least for the moment. An order was placed for two glasses of local Red and to leave the bottle behind. Once the serving girl was gone he settled his attention back onto Idristan. “Could you truly bear it, though. The look of betrayal that slowly turns to anger once they realize they’ve let a monster into their midst. You hide behind just as many, if not more, lies as I.”

Idristan eyes the other warily. He wasn't entirely sure that Lebeaux understood the meaning of the word "truce"--at least, as anything other than a temporary pause to get more leverage. However, he doesn't quite meet Lebeaux's eyes. "Yes, well," he says slowly. "I had no choice about that. You, on the other hand, very much did.

“You could have returned to Her grace by turning yourself over to the Exorcists and confessing.” He suggested, knowing full well that usually only ended in another corpse once they were finished studying the subject. A hand waved to dismiss the matter, it had only been intended to prickle at the other. “I could have remained and decried my belief and the True Faith. To roll over for the Reformists and help them to dismantle Ishgard piece by piece to sell it off to the Alliances? I will not trade the truth for a comfortable post as a clergyman proselytizing falsehoods. I will take the exile and use it to reflect and to plan. And when the time is right I will return.”

Idristan can't help but let out a soft snort at that. It seemed he had a good guess of what said Exorcists would do too. "I've done exorcisms," he points out. "The rituals differ, but the technique tends to be the same. Make being in the host so uncomfortable that the voidsent leaves." His lips curve up into a rather bitter smile. "There is no voidsent to banish, however. Which you should know already," he adds pointedly. "And anyroad, I think you're the one in far more need of the Exorcists than me. I'm not the one hearing voices," he points out. "Because that's ultimately all your faith is, isn't it? And Reformists are only dismantling the parts of Ishgard that should have been dismantled ages ago," he says fervently. He then snorts softly and adds: "And I suspect you'll be waiting a very long time, in that case." He didn't seem to be upset about this fact.

Lebeaux lifted a hand again as the glasses of wine were set down and the bottle placed between them. Once the serving girl was gone he slid his own glass closer. “I can see there’s little point reasoning with you, between your common-bred ignorance and your corruption you are incapable of understanding truths.” He took a small sip of the wine and set the glass down again. “Nonetheless I must try for the sake of the larger picture. While your claims about me may excite some of the radical Reformists and goad some action against me, I am quite confident what I know of your true nature would have far more worrying sorts breaking down your door during the night. Do you agree?”

Idristan does indeed fall silent as the serving girl comes over. He's no fool. He claims a glass for himself, taking a small sip from it before looking back towards Lebeaux once more. "My 'common-bred ignorance'," he growls warningly. "Was enough to get me into the Scholasticate, the same as you," he points out coldly. "And the... corruption." The word seems to pain him. "Does not affect my mind." Most of the time. When it was under control. He then falls silently, absently swirling the wine in his glass as he looked for any way to argue with that statement. Finally he inclines his head in a fraction of a nod. "Mayhaps."

Lebeaux smiled primly. “Finally, a glimmer of intelligence in an otherwise endless dark.” He declared theatrically before he took another sip. “I am not pointing this out simply to remind you of the difference in our positions, yet rather to show you that what I am about to suggest works rather well into your favor. I’ll spell it out for you since you seem to intentionally turn off rational thought when I’m around.” He lowered the glass from his lips. “A non-aggression treaty. Neither of us will intentionally spread sensitive information about the other.”

@roses-and-grimoires

[aroworlds]

Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Neir

Our next aro-spec creator is Neir, introducing eir work to the world as R. Tally, better known here on Tumblr as @tallyrunning​.

Neir is an asexual, aroflux and genderqueer person demonstrating the diversity of talent amongst aro-specs in poetry, fiction and musical composition. You can find eir classical and ambient music on Soundcloud and eir writing on Wattpad and Booksie, encompassing an eclectic mix of literary fiction, autobiography, LGBTQ+ fiction and short stories. If you have a dollar or two you’re wanting to invest in worthy aro-spec talent, please investigate eir Ko-fi!

With us Neir talks about identity and connection to other people, composing non-romantic musical pieces, the fear of misinterpretation by alloromantics and the challenge of finding an audience for non-romantic works. Eir words encapsulate a passion for challenging alloromantic norms and celebrating unique creativity, so please let’s give em all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aroflux and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

My aro realization was fairly quiet, and it came much later than I think I logically would have expected it to, had I known it would. It was easy to figure out that I was asexual; sex has always made me very uncomfortable, and as I grew older I realized that it wasn’t immaturity that was causing my repulsion, but just lack of attraction. It didn’t make sense to engage in something I didn’t want to do with someone I didn’t want to do it with. I also had an ace friend at the time, so the vocabulary came easily to me.

My aro realization came much later, around halfway through university (not more than two years ago). A friend of mine whose feelings with regards romance I strongly shared got a boyfriend, and I became confused because if even she could feel romantic attraction, and we were so similar, why couldn’t I?

I am a touchy-feely person who loves hand-holding and hugs, so for the longest time I thought my strong love for my friends (and potential friends - notorious feelings called ‘squishes’ I couldn’t name at the time) had to be romantic. I honestly just did a lot of internet research and stirring in my own head until I woke up one day and just went, “romance is a sham, I don’t understand it and I don’t want it.” The -flux part of my identity is something I recently started using to label my vastly differing moods and feelings day-to-day regarding platonic attraction. Some days I love people and being close to others; other days I want nothing to do with anyone and am cold as ice.

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I’ve always been someone who lives in my own world, partly because I find the real world confusing and difficult to navigate at times. I’ve written stories and poems ever since I could pick up a writing utensil, and they were always for myself. They were a way to write what I wanted to see in fiction; I would only realize in adulthood that I did this so much because I didn’t see a lot of me or things I could relate to. It’s recently that I’ve come out of my shell and decided to share my works. I always love reading others’ stories, so who knows? Maybe someone else feels just like I did as a child and needs some representation and good ol’ escapism.

As for music, I grew up listening to the same-sounding romantic love songs over and over again, and I began to get very annoyed with the topic. I think romance is great for other people, but the amount it was advertised felt nauseating. I couldn’t understand why it was so important. Similarly, when I took creative analysis courses in my post-secondary studies, professors would often talk about how certain motifs and instruments evoke romantic love by default. I now make it a mission to compose lyrics and instrumental pieces that are non-romantic.

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

I often purposely avoid writing romance in my works (this may seem funny, since I’m currently writing a romance novel as an exercise). I focus on other themes I really enjoy reading about, such as ambiguity in social dynamics, mental health, and wonder. Even in my music, I find that I write many ambiguous-sounding or discomforting pieces (to the Western ear) in my attempts to avoid 'romantic’ instruments and motifs but still convey emotion.

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

I always fear that when I don’t explicitly state my intentions in writing something non-romantic, people will still find a way to see romance. This goes for my written work (fiction and poetry) as well as my musical compositions. I carry a lot of wonder for the world around me, and that expression of love may be (and has been) misinterpreted. In addition, I fear that no one likes to read things that don’t have romance. This seems to be a common fear, even for non-aro writers. I make relationships a big priority in my fictional work, but if there isn’t anything romantic, my stories seem to be left in the dust.

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

I’m a pretty quiet person who is relatively happy with my orientation(s). I haven’t experienced a lot of rejection of my identity, although it should be said that I am not publicly out. I also get easily overwhelmed with people. I frequent Arocalypse, and love that it’s a small community, for example (in general, I like that the aro community is small and palatable). At the moment, I connect minimally and am happy with that. Maybe it will change in the future when I am more publicly out.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

I would love for people to talk about my work! Whether that means likes, shares, criticism, comments, headcanons, questions, whatever! I’m not the greatest at self-promotion, and sometimes I feel like I am yelling to the wind and am the only one excited about art, so any and all help or validation would be appreciated.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

My current baby is a fictional story called The Charlatan. I still haven’t figured out what its genre is exactly, but it’s got elements of adventure and heavily focuses on personal and interpersonal character development. The main character of this book is an aromantic asexual, and every main cast member after her is LGBTQ+. (Note: one of these characters is an aromantic bisexual – I feel that non-ace aros aren’t represented much so I was quite happy when this label fit the character.) The story centers around the main character’s attempts to deal with being cheated by her home country, impending war, and learning to ally with others to achieve redemption. You can find The Charlatan on my Wattpad or Booksie pages!

[chained-to-the-mirror]

@crazycatt71 tagged me in this thing. Thank you! ♥

Name/gender/sexuality: Sanna/female/(possibly aro) ace

Favourite colour: Right now, probably leaf green

Favourite animal: God, there are so many! I can’t pick just one.

Zodiac sign: Cancer

Favourite book: I don’t even know? I used to love The Master And Margarita and certain Vonnegut books, but that was years and years ago. I haven’t been reading very much for almost a decade. I just can’t do it :/

Favourite movie: Again, I don’t think I can pick just one. I have favourites for different moods.

Hair colour: Dark brown, but it’s dyed. Really it’s the nothing-sort of brown.

Favourite article of clothing: Probably one of my hoodies.

Favourite season: Autumn and spring equally. 

Pets: Nope.

Things that make me super happy: Drawing, music, knitting (though I’ve not done that as much lately), my friends, seeing and getting to pet animals ♥

Pet peeves: People who are being negative just for the sake of being negative, constantly. Mean people. Littering.

Favourite song: One song? Are you serious?

Best memory: There are many. But probably something quite recent.

What I do to relax: Drawing, knitting, listening to music, nothing.

New goal for Tumblr: Uh? I don’t know... What sort of goals people normally have here?

Life goal: To be as happy as I possibly can be, and to give something back to all the lovely people who have shown me kindness.

Favourite bands: Of all time... Probably David Bowie, Tori Amos (I know they’re not bands, leave me be!) and NIN, though I don’t really listen to them anymore.

I’m tagging my dear friends @honeybeelullaby and @sussexbound and anyone else who wants to do it. Just tag me so I can see your answers! :)