#I’ve been blindsighted about this for 8 days

[happy74827]

It’s the way I found out ten minutes ago that two of my fics are actually on YouTube 👩‍🦯‍➡️

Currently binging/listening as I type this

[thecreaturecodex]

Psammead

Image © Wayne Barlowe

[Hey, a monster Barlowe illustrated from a book I’ve actually read! Of course, I last read Five Children and It when I was in single digits, but still. There have been a lot of filmed adaptations and spinoffs, but none of them have the psammead actually look like it does in the book. Most of them go for a more ET ugly-cute vibe, and all of them cut out the eyestalks, which is what I remember most vividly from my childhood.

Picking a CR for the psammead was somewhat of a challenge. In the book, there’s zero indication that It is a combatant, but creatures that can grant wishes, no matter how temporary, are typically mid-to-high CR. Although I toyed with giving It studied combat, the image of It slitting throats with its claws would probably make E. Nesbitt roll over in her grave. Instead, I took a page from the nereid’s book and gave it a powerful summoning ability. In the original, It talks about how he used to grant wishes to dinosaurs, which usually entailed food, so that seemed thematically more appropriate.]

Psammead CR 8 LN Fey This small strange creature is roughly mammalian, with fur and whiskers. It has eyes set on long, mobile stalks and oversized, bat like ears. Its body is pot-bellied, with long limbs—the arms are somewhat longer than the legs.

Psammeads are also called “sand fairies”, but their appearance is rather startlingly different from more traditional fairies. They are ancient, able to hibernate for literally millions of years beneath the sand. Their primary pastime is granting wishes, which they do with the full knowledge that such effects are temporary. When granting wishes, a psammead swells up like a balloon, as their tiny bodies are not used to containing such magical power. Psammeads usually use their wish-granting abilities in order to teach didactic lessons, and are known to twist the wishes in an uncharitable direction in order to achieve these goals. As they are immune to magical mind control and quite stubborn regardless, attempting to coerce a psammead into granting a wish it doesn’t want to is a fool’s errand.

A psammead has extraordinarily keen senses, and can use a combination of vibrations, echolocation and scent to detect almost all foes. Psammeads are physically weak, but magically strong, and avoid combat whenever possible. If enemies persist in pursuing them, a psammead will summon primeval beasts and earth elementals to defend itself. 

Although they are commonly found on beaches, psammeads hate water. They are vulnerable to cold and prone to hypothermia when getting wet, and so stay well above the high tide line. Psammeads are happier in deserts, where they may socialize with other desert fey such as hiderigami. They date back to an era when mammals laid eggs as a matter of course, and do so on the rare occasions they see fit to reproduce. Psammeads tend to a friendly, but somewhat condescending, attitude, and prefer the company of children to adults and solitude to either.

Psammead         CR 8 XP 4,800 LN Tiny fey Init +8; Senses blindsight 30 ft., low-light vision, Perception +18, tremorsense 60 ft. Defense AC 24, touch 21, flat-footed 17 (+2 size, +4 Dex, +1 dodge, +4 insight, +3 natural) hp 91 (14d6+42) Fort +7, Ref +13, Will +13 DR 10/cold iron; Immune charm, compulsion effects; SR 19 Defensive Abilities insightful defense; Weakness vulnerable to cold Offense Speed 15 ft., burrow 10 ft. Melee 2 claws +13 (1d4-2) Space 2 ½ ft.; Reach 0 ft. Spell-like Abilities CL 14th, concentration +18 Constant—speak with animals 3/day—stone tell, summon nature’s ally VI, temporary wish Statistics Str 7, Dex 18, Con 17, Int 18, Wis 19, Cha 18 Base Atk +7; CMB +9; CMD 24 Feats Alertness, Defensive Combat Training, Dodge, Improved Initiative, Nimble Moves, Stealthy, Weapon Finesse Skills Bluff +18, Diplomacy +18, Escape Artist +22, Knowledge (arcana, history) +14, Knowledge (geography, nature) +18, Linguistics +15, Perception +30, Sense Motive +22, Sleight of Hand +18, Spellcraft +18, Stealth +30, Swim -2; Racial Modifiers +8 Perception Languages Aklo, Sylvan, Terran, 11 others, speak with animals SQ primeval summoning Ecology Environment any deserts or coastlines Organization solitary Treasure incidental Special Abilities Insightful Defense (Ex) A psammead adds its Wisdom modifier to its Armor Class, including its touch and flat-footed Armor Class. A psammead only loses this ability if it is helpless. Primeval Summoning (Ex) A psammead draws its summoned creatures from a special list. With its spell-like abilities, it can summon a CR 5 or 6 elemental, dinosaur or other prehistoric animal, 1d3 CR 3 or 4 elementals, dinosaurs or other prehistoric animals, and 1d4+1 CR 2 or lower elementals, dinosaurs or other prehistoric animals. Elemental summoned in this fashion must have the earth subtype. Temporary Wish (Sp) Up to three times per day, a psammead can grant a wish for another creature (it cannot make wishes for itself). This functions as a wish spell, except that any objects or effects directly created by the wish disappear at the next sunset. For example, if a mortal wishes for a magic sword, the sword disappears at sunset, but anyone killed by that sword does not return to life. If any spell effects are generated by one of these wishes, the save DC is 22. This is treated as an 8th level spell.

[littlepanduh-writes-365]

Day 47

Title: “Notification”

Description: Tzuyu gets a notification that says “A Very Important Date <3”. She’s been meaning to delete that ever since they broke up 8 months ago. She wonders why she hasn’t done so.

Features: Satzu (Twice)

Word Count: 1,804

Tags: Angst | College AU

In the middle of the university library, Chou Tzuyu sits at a desk and types away on her laptop. A textbook for the film class is open to a chapter about the impact of silent films. Her phone sits above the book. 

Tzuyu’s eyes are trained to her laptop screen when her phone flashes. It’s on silent, but it’s not on do not disturb mode in case of an emergency. The next time it flashes, she’s rereading a few sentences from her textbook, ignoring the activity on her lock screen. She goes back to typing, but her flashing phone is finally distracting her. 

Determined to finish her thought, she holds back. It can’t be that important. If anything, it’s her group mates trying to divy up work for their project. 

Suddenly, the memory of Chaeyoung and Yuqi, her roommates, setting their apartment on fire infiltrates her concentration. She decides to at least finish her sentence. 

Finally, she pushes her laptop away and eyes her phone. She takes a sip of water in an attempt to prepare herself for the onslaught of messages. 

As she expected, it was just her group mates telling each other what portions were done for the project. Tzuyu sighs as she reads the thread because she knows that she’s admittedly slacking on her part. She tries to think if she can squeeze in some time to work on it today, but this paper has been her highest priority since the due date is next week and she needs someone to proofread her paper before submitting. 

Tzuyu scrolls past the messages from her group mates. There’s a notification about a sale at her favorite bakery. There’s a few notifications from social media. 

There’s a calendar reminder.

A Very Important Date <3

Two weeks from now.

Tzuyu feels her heart ache. 

She tries her best to push it back, but she’s feeling blindsighted.

When they broke up, it didn’t cross her mind to delete the event because she rarely uses that feature on her phone. At the time of their break up, she just wanted to get through the semester. Of course, there were countless nights of crying in her apartment and missing classes, but that was eight months ago. She should be over it. 

Tzuyu tries to fight it, but she can’t. 

Their anniversary was already planned in her head. They talked about it for so long. 

Reliving it was like a falling back into a bad habit. 

It was a Saturday, so there was no need to take time off from work or skip class. Tzuyu was going to make reservations at a Taiwanese restaurant for lunch. She was going to cook a traditional Japanese dinner. During the day, they would just fool around at the Han River. Maybe they’d take pictures. Maybe they’d ride bikes. Tzuyu wasn’t one for PDA, but she would accept it that day because she knows her ex had such a hard time holding back for her and she secretly loves it anyways. 

Would she have worn a blouse with a tie since it’s an important day? Maybe she’ll just wear a denim jacket and a coat since Tzuyu still is a college student and it’s still cold. 

Maybe they would’ve kissed in the rain. Tzuyu always fantasized about it, despite hearing bad reviews of being wet and cold and getting sick after. 

It didn’t matter to Tzuyu. The day was just supposed to be them. Be it rainy or clumsy, it was just going to be the two of them. That’s what made Tzuyu happy. 

She knows it’s not a good idea, but Tzuyu opens up her Instagram. She skips checking on her notifications and goes straight to the search bar. 

“Sana Minatozaki”

There’s a new profile picture. Tzuyu can’t read the bio since it’s in Japanese and not in Korean anymore. 

The profile is still public and she can see the latest pictures. They mostly consist of food or presumably dance performances. 

There’s a picture that catches her eye. Sana is smiling with her eyes closed and another girl is kissing her cheek. She taps the picture to see the profile of the other girl. It belongs to Hirai Momo and Tzuyu thinks the name sounds familiar. 

Tzuyu pretends the green monster in her doesn’t exist. 

That monster questions her with more what if’s. 

What if she’s not a girlfriend? What if she makes her happy?

What if Sana stayed?

Suddenly, she’s taken back to that night. They were in her car. There were no tears, but she knew both of them wanted to cry. 

“It’s for the best.”

Tzuyu agreed.

Sana was moving back to her home country next year. She had planned to stay in Korea for a little longer, but she was struggling to find a job here, let alone struggle through getting a work visa. Tzuyu wished Sana could try a little harder, but she understands it’s not easy to look for work. With her situation, they might as well break up now and let Sana enjoy her last year rather than getting more attached and having a harder time breaking up. 

It really was for the best.

She didn’t want it though.

Why didn’t she tell Sana?

“I still love you. You really mean a lot to me.” 

Tzuyu wants to scream at her. How can you say that you love me when you’re breaking up with me?

She doesn’t see Sana when she exits her car. When she finally looks, all she sees is her hunched back. A body slowly walking to her apartment. 

Tzuyu’s mind races back to the why’s and what if’s but she shoves them back to the far corner in her heart, next to the space that didn’t tell herself to delete the stupid reminder on her phone.

Maybe she shouldn’t push it back again, especially since she regressed this far, but it’s something she knows she needs to do. 

This paper won’t write itself. 

That’s what she tells herself anyways.

It’s understandable that Tzuyu’s efficiency was absolutely horrible. Her sentences were choppy and didn’t flow well together. Every time she needed to read something from her textbook, she would just space out. When she forces herself to focus, Sana just pops in her head. 

How is she? Did she find work? Is she dating Momo or are they just close friends? Does she talk to anyone else from school or our exchange program group?

No.

This isn’t good.

After a few more sentences, she picks her phone up one more time. She taps on the calendar app and looks for the actual date of the anniversary. When the event opens, she scrolls down to bottom and stares at the bright red lights. 

Delete Event

Her finger hovers over the buttons. She lightly taps it with a shaky hand. 

Are you sure you want to delete this event? This is a repeating event.

Tzuyu stares at the two options. Her brain says yes, but her heart says no. Tears are starting to form in her eyes. 

She’s thinking about her smile. She’s remembering the warmth and comfort. She’s recollecting memories in their Korean language class and dates at the bubble tea shop. 

Delete This Event Only

Delete All Future Events

A tear drops on her phone. She wipes it off and hurriedly wipes her face, too. Crying in the middle of the library sadly wasn’t uncommon, but it would still attract worried eyes. 

Tzuyu looks back at her phone, only to see an empty calendar. In disbelief, she taps the date on the calendar, only to see an open day. She scrolls the next year only to see that the calendar was free, too. 

It’s gone. 

Her body doesn’t feel so tight anymore, but a gnarly headache is forming and maybe she can work on her paper later. 

She starts packing up her laptop and bookmarks her textbook before shutting it and stuffing it into her backpack. Tears are falling from her face and she’s audibly sniffing, but she doesn’t care anymore. Honestly, she doesn’t even know if what she’s feeling is pain or relief. 

“Tzuyu! Are you leaving? Can I have your spot?”

Tzuyu looks up from the voice that called out her name. It’s Jinsook, someone in her project group. 

Jinsook catches up to her and Tzuyu just stares at her. She tries to muster up a response, but her throat is tight and it’s taking a lot of energy to not bawl at the moment. 

Her groupmate seems to catch on. Tzuyu’s eyes and nose are red and puffy. Her eyes grew with concern. Normally, Tzuyu would feel guilty, but all she wants is to leave the library. 

“Hey, are you okay?”

Tzuyu bites her lip. She nods, but not without a tear escaping. Like a reflex, she wipes her face with the sleeve of her shirt. Once again, she lets out another loud sniff. 

Jinsook puts an arm on her shoulder and rubs her arm. Before Tzuyu can speak, she takes a deep breath. She has no idea how she’s going to explain this to her colleague. “Yeah, I’m just, uh, going through something right now.”

Her group mate nods. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Tzuyu bites her lip in contemplation. Ultimately, she shakes her head. “I just need to be by myself right now.” She offers a sad smile. “Thanks though.”

Jinsook returns the smile. “I know we’re just groupmates, but I’m here for you.”

Tzuyu nods back. “Hey, um, I know I’ve been behind on my part of my project, but I promise to work on it soon.”

Jinsook shakes her hand. “Don’t even worry about it. Things like this happen. We’re doing good on time anyways.”

Relief enters Tzuyu’s body. She doesn’t know if Jinsook is lying just to ease her stress, but it’s working and she won’t complain about it. Part of her wants to hug Jinsook, but she knows that’s a little out of character and she just wants to be home right now. 

“You can take my desk.” Tzuyu bows at her before she leaves. 

---------

Tzuyu takes the long way to the bus stop. Part of it was so then walking would clear her mind and so people on the bus didn’t have to see her cry. 

Her mind is jumbled. One side is asking where things went wrong and another side is telling her to “just move on”. She questions why she can’t move on and what she should do about it. 

Eventually, an hour passes and she really should go home right now. She pulls out her phone, ignoring any more notifications. 

She goes straight to her messaging application and looks for a group chat with her roommates. 

Any of you guys home?

I just need a good cry right now.

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight: Groetus, God of the End Times

Chaotic Neutral God of Oblivion, Empty Places, and Ruins

Domains: Chaos, Darkness, Destruction, Madness, Void Subdomains: Catastrophe, Entropy, Insanity, Loss, Night, Stars, Truth

Inner Sea Faiths, pg. 46~51

Obedience: Preach of the coming end times to a listener who has not yet accepted this truth. If the person leaves or otherwise refuses to listen to you for the full hour, you must find another person to preach to so that you are proselytizing the entire time. Alternatively, if no one at all is available to listen, spend an hour contemplating ways and times the world might end—do so in an empty place where nothing lives and no person except Groetan worshipers have been for at least a month. While you contemplate, deface any surface available to you with unholy images and symbols, such as a skull-like moon. Benefit: You gain a +1 sacred or profane bonus on Will saving throws.

the sad part is that pretty much every god in inner sea faiths is like this. First Ghlaunder and now THIS! Paizo was scared of Deific Obedience when it was first written, and it shows!

God you really are just tasked with being an annoying doomsayer for an hour, huh? Standing around with a sandwich board that reads THE END IS NIGH every single day you want your god’s blessing. You can easily get away with just preaching to your party every day, provided they don’t mind listening to this crazy babble... and, of course, provided that the end of the world isn’t actually coming, or else your evangelism will come off as tasteless. But, what do you care? You’ve been saying it all this time! It’s likely going to get you punched in the face or even mauled by a crowd if you try it in the middle of a city currently undergoing a crisis (as cities in Pathfinder are wont to do), though. So, uh, be careful.

This is one of the rare Obediences where the primary method is actually easier to do than the secondary, because it specifically demands that you find somewhere “nothing lives.” While a merciful DM may allow you to share a space with vermin, this does mean you can’t simply find a quiet area in a woodlands, because trees, brush, and grass all count. Stick to the cities or in ruined civilizations! Ironically, this means that being captured and thrown in a dungeon is actually beneficial for you, provided no one else has been locked in that specific cell for more than a month.

All this hard work for a measly +1 though. I’m insulted, honestly; it’s a universal bonus to the most important saving throw you have and it stacks with everything, but it’s only a +1! It would have been fine at +2! Come on, Groetus, shell a bit more out to your flock!

Boons are acquired slowly: the first once you reach 12 hit dice, the second at 16, and the third at 20. However, the Evangelist, Exalted, and Sentinel Prestige Classes can be entered as early as level 5; doing so grants you the Boons at levels 8, 11, and 14 instead. As Groetus is a true deity and does not require Fiendish Obedience, you earn the right to enter the classes earlier than those who serve fiends!

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EVANGELIST

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Boon 1: Doomsayer. Gain Doom 3/day, Augury 2/day, or Bestow Curse 1/day.

Oooh, Bestow Curse! That’s always fun to see! It’s a Save-Or-Suck that keeps on s--being terrible long after the battle has ended, if the enemy you slap with it gets away! It’s ALSO a touch spell entirely negated by a save, and we all know how I feel about those. Better make sure it sticks and sticks hard, or drawing into an enemy’s melee range can earn you a pretty severe slapping.

Augury is decent to have as a spell-like (I’d never prepare it as an actual spell), though its limited gaze of only 30 minutes into the future is an equal blessing and bane and it relies entirely on DM fiat... AND there’s a non-negligible chance it simply won’t work! Which means that if you don’t want to rely on the Save or Suck of Bestow Curse, your best bet (eugh) is the tragically weak and ironically ominous Doom--WAIT THAT’S RIGHT I ALMOST FORGOT! The Shaken condition also imposes a -2 to saving throws! Ok yeah, if you don’t want to rely on BC, Doom is a pretty good way to go if you have some way to bolster its pathetic saving throw of 11+Cha mod.

Boon 2: Consume Essence. 1/day, you may touch a corpse. That corpse must make a Fortitude save (DC 10 + 1/2 your HD + your Cha mod) or be reduced to dust as per Disintegrate. You gain 1d8 temporary HP, which last for a number of hours equal to your Hit Dice.

Before we get into the rest of this mess, I just really need to point out that an unattended, nonmagical object is not able to make saving throws, and a corpse is an object. ThereFOR, it should not even get to make a save against this ability!

What stats do you even use for it? The former creature? Because that’s just unnecessarily confusing, especially if you use it on the corpse of a long-dead creature. I really, really don’t see why this ability should allow a save, especially since A) it’s only usable once a day and B) it’s incredibly weak. Under what circumstances would you use this? Because I’ll tell you right now, using this against a baddie that’s supposed to be recurring will simply make the DM contrive a reason for them to come back anyway. Turning them to ash will just make it harder. I suppose there is a niche use in bringing it against creatures who can reanimate themselves, or against casters who may have Contingencies in place, but

but still, like. It’s a bad Boon. If you want a body destroyed, hacking it to pieces or burning it is just as easy, all this ability does is save you time. And maybe not even then! Because it gives the body a saving throw! For WHATEVER reason! And you only get to do it ONCE a day! Honestly, everything about this ability is just a progressively more insulting middle finger, all leading up to the pitiful 1d8 HP you get. There’s a lot of Boons that are straight up bad or useless, but I think this is the first one I’ve actually hated. Lets move on...

Boon 3: Whispers of Insanity. 1/day as a standard action, you may whisper Groetus’ Truth into the mind of a creature within 30ft. This acts as the Insanity spell, but the save DC is 10+1/2 your HD+your Cha mod. In addition to the normal methods of curing Insanity, a Modify Memory spell or similar can end the effect. A Knowledge (Religion) check (DC same as the saving throw) reveals this information.

Insanity is a decent spell, essentially being a permanent Confusion... but it only affects a single target, and whoever you’d want to use it against is typically not going to last long enough for the permanent duration to matter. I suppose slapping someone you hate but don’t necessarily want to kill is good enough, or blasting some poor random sod who hasn’t accepted the Truth, but as a Boon? Groetus really doesn’t bless his Evangelists with anything good.

Insanity is not only a level 7 spell while most 3rd Boons grant 9th level effects, but in stark contrast to a normal third Boon, the version you get here is actually weaker than just getting the spell normally, because Insanity has a Long range (100ft + 10ft/lvl) and can only be removed with 7th+ level magic (Greater Restoration, Heal, etc). Having a much easier method of dispelling the effect is just insulting, even if it is flavorful. This would be considered a second tier Boon by most deities, or even demigods! Come on, Groty, step it up!

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EXALTED

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Boon 1: Maddening Voice. Gain Lesser Confusion 3/day, Mad Hallucination 2/day, or Confusion 1/day.

Off to a bad start. Lesser Confusion may as well not even be a spell, so we’re moving on from there. Mad Hallucination is a fun spell to not need components for, barraging a single target with visions of insanity for upwards to an hour, though mechanically it’s only a -2 to a very small number of relatively unimportant checks (caster level really only applies to players, who must regularly pierce SR). Rather uniquely, it’s not mind-affecting, but is instead a phantasm Illusion, allowing it to affect a wider range of creatures than normal! But it’s still not really super useful, because as it’s negated by a Will save and penalizes Will saves with a successful application, wouldn’t you have preferred a Save or Suck first?

This leaves Confusion which, as area of effect spells go, isn’t the best. There’s a 1/2 chance that they essentially lose their turn, but a 1/4 chance that they’re unaffected by the confusing magic and a 1/4 chance that they attack the nearest creature... Which, more often than not, means your allies anyway. Speaking of, Confusion doesn’t discriminate between ally and enemy, so blasting a crowd that happens to have a friend inside will force them to make a Will save as well.

It’s a hysterical spell to drop on a crowd of smaller enemies (or a crowd of innocent civilians), but the coin flip nature of its effect makes it terribly unreliable. It’s still the best option among the three, though.

Boon 2: Silent Witness. 1/day as a full-round action, you can protect yourself with the effects of Invisibility, Nondetection, and Sanctuary for 10 minutes per Hit Die you possess. Anyone who succeeds at a Will saving throw (DC = 10 + 1/2 Hit Dice + Wis mod) or a caster level check (DC = 11+your HD) against these effects sees a glimpse of something unfathomable and becomes confused for 1 round unless it succeeds at a second Will save with the same DC.

Have you ever wanted to be this gif?

Then good news! Exalted of Groetus can live out that dream! With little more than a gesture and a bit of concentration, you can just vanish from the world for a little while. It’s not a complete disappearance, mind, because anything with blindsense, blindsight, or scent can still track you, but by god can absolutely no one see you (remember you’re shielded from Detect X spells!). And, thanks to Sanctuary, even if they have a way to keep track of you, there’s a chance that they won’t be able to act on it.

The mindbogglingly massive 10 min/level duration effect on each of the effects screws over Nondetection (with a normal 1 hour/level duration) but is a monstrous buff to Invisibility (1 min/lvl) and especially to Sanctuary (1 round/lvl), because someone failing their save against Sanctuary means they can’t target the warded creature for the duration of the spell! While normally a fighting monster could just pull back and wait for the effect to expire as they focus their efforts on the rest of the party, good luck kiting for 10 minutes. The shielding effect breaks the moment you attack, but you can get around that by never casting damage-dealing spells! Crowd control and SoS spells all day!

Invisibility and Nondetection also make you the undisputed king of sneaking into places, too. Mundane eyesight and magical detection spells will fail to pierce your veil, requiring the 6th level True Seeing to actually see where you’ve gone. I really enjoy the added touch that anyone successfully piercing the spell effects has to make a save or become confused. It’s just some nice frosting atop this cake! Already Groetus is looking better and better!

Boon 3: Infinite Patience. You cannot die of old age, even through magical means. You still physically age, accruing bonuses and penalties as normal. In addition, once per day as a standard action, you can choose any one action you could ready and define a condition under which you will take that action. Within the next 24 hours, whenever you observe that condition, you can take the chosen action as an immediate action.

Age without youth isn’t something you see a lot of nowadays, except in cases of diabolic bargains going haywire. To have a god inflict it upon its followers is something special; I like enjoy the fact that you’ll eventually just need to outright mummify yourself if you want to keep moving (or invest in mechanical/magical parts). It brings to mind the mental image of a cult to Groetus opening an ancient coffin to reveal their absolutely skeletal leader, old enough to have seen Earthfall and coursing with madness and might in equal measure.

But post-campaign shenanigans aside, the primary use of this ability is a pseudo-Contingency that you can use to prepare anything. Any action you could conceivably ready (an attack, a standard-action spell, a sudden move, a sabotaging strike, etc) is usable with this ability! And because you don’t have to name the action or condition right away, with a bit of good guesswork (or divination magic), you can custom tailor your immediate action for maximum benefit; you can go the mundane route and have it be something simple, like “if an enemy strikes me with a melee attack, teleport to safety” or “if I am brought below half health, cast Heal or Mass Heal on myself/my allies,” or the bonkers route like “the instant the enemy opens their mouth to monologue, cast Disintegrate” or “if someone compares me to an animal, use magic to turn into that animal.”

This ability rewards both creativity and thinking ahead, so get good at both! Because used right, this ability is “cast any spell w/ a standard action casting time as an immediate action,” and used wrong it’s “do nothing.”

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SENTINEL

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Boon 1: Endbringer. Gain True Strike 3/day, Death Knell 2/day, or Keen Edge 1/day.

I’m 90% sure there’s been Boons named Endbringer before, and nowhere else is it less appropriate than this menagerie of mediocrity. Oh, sure, Keen Edge is nice and all, but want a fun fact? Groetus’ sacred weapon is the heavy flail, which deals bludgeoning damage, and Keen Edge can ONLY be applied to a piercing or slashing weapon. That means you, the Sentinel, the holy martial warrior, cannot bless your own holy weapon chosen by your god. Sure, you can bless someone else’s stuff, but it still boggles my mind that they’d give you spell that cannot work on your own weapons!

Ironically, despite that, it’s probably your best choice. True Strike is useless unless you can cast a Quickened version, and Death Knell saves you basically no time (if you want a dying enemy to die, walk over and stab them 2~4 times). The only real use for Death Knell for a martial character is to take care of creatures with Ferocity or Diehard, or cheesing a creature with Regeneration.

Boon 2: Visions of the End. 1/day as a full-round action, you can gain the benefits of Augury, Know the Enemy, and Locate Weakness simultaneously, all regarding the same creature or object (even if the spell normally doesn’t function with objects) and its death or undoing. These effects apply only to the target.

Because these are relatively niche spells: Know the Enemy lets you make an immediate Knowledge check versus the target with a +10 insight bonus, and Locate Weakness lasts 1 min/level and allows you to roll twice for critical hit damage and take the better results. While normally KtE only affects creatures, this ability allows you to make it against objects as well.

Evangelists got screwed, huh? Imagine not being able to cast three spells at once (this post made by Exalted And Sentinel Gang). Now, granted, this ability isn’t as useful as Silent Witness above is, but it’s a pretty handy way to deal with a creature you’ve never seen before. With Locate Weakness’s lengthy duration, you can use this ability before combat begins and use the knowledge gained from Augury (perhaps asking if a certain tactic would work?) and Know the Enemy to better prepare yourself and your party.

The added flexibility of being able to focus this power on an object opens up a lot of options as well, such as using it to parse the history of an Artifact, to know where or when an item may have come from, and how best to destroy it if need be. This spell combo isn’t the best, but even at its worst it’s a free +10 to a Knowledge check against any critter or object and an Augury against the same target to let the DM sprinkle some hints for you here and there.

Boon 3: Frightful Presence. You can terrify foes as a free action whenever you take an offensive action, such as attacking. Foes within 30 feet of you and with fewer Hit Dice than you must succeed at a Will saving throw or become shaken for a number of rounds equal to your Hit Dice (DC = 10 + 1/2 your HD + Cha mod). If the victim has 4 or fewer Hit Dice, it becomes panicked instead. Foes with more Hit Dice than you are immune to this ability. 

Frightful Presence is a massively powerful ability when it’s on a dragon or powerful Outsider, terrifying whole armies at once and sending them scattering--perhaps even to the point of attacking one another to get away--but in the hands of a player? It’s not exactly as strong. When you face something with Frightful Presence, there’s a 100% chance that they’ll have more HD than you (and maybe your entire party), assuring that you’ll be shaken up at least once in the fight. If you have FP, however, it’s never going to work on anything you desperately want it to, because anything with your HD or higher is entirely unaffected and unimpressed by your antics, and of course anything worth fighting has more HD than you.

The scaling on this ability means basically no minions will march into battle against you without being shaken, and swarms of minor foes trying to clog you up will be sent running to the hills by your terrifying aura. It’s a satisfying feeling of power to walk into an area filled with low level enemies (or civilians) and force them to run in utter, pants-soiling terror at the mere sight of you. What’s better than a tank that draws aggro? One who ends it.

There’s no per-day use on this ability and no 24-hour immunity clause on it, so even if you fail to scare the crowd once, you can just try, try again every single time you attack. So, it’s safe to say that while Groetus started off pathetically weak with his basic benefit and the travesty of his Evangelists, his Exalted and Sentinels more than make up for it in terms of power and flexibility. Not bad! And soon, we’ll see what sorts of actual sentinels he’s got on his side...

You can read more about him here.

[saraschriefer]

SIRI HUSTVEDT Notes on Seeing

1 To look and not see: an old problem. It usually means a lack of understanding, an inability to divine the meaning of something in the world around us.

2 Cognitive scientists have repeatedly conducted the following experiment and, without fail, they come up with same results. An audience is asked to watch a film of two teams playing basketball. They are given a job to count the number of times the ball changes hands. I have done this, and one has to be very attentive to follow the motion of the ball. In the middle of the game, a man wearing a gorilla suit walks onto the court, turns to the camera, thumps his chest and leaves. Half the people do not see the great ape. They do not believe that he was actually there until the film is replayed and, indeed, a gorilla strolls in and out of the game. Nearly everyone sees the gorilla if he is not given the assignment. This has been named inattentional blindness.

3 Writing at my desk now, I see the screen but this sentence dominates my attention. In fact, my momentary awareness that there is much around the words distracts me: the blue screen of the computer beyond the white edge of the page; various icons above and below; the surface of my desk cluttered with small Post-it squares which, when I turn my head, I can read, “Habermas 254-55”, “Meany et. al, implications for andrenocortical responses to stress” scrawled on pink paper (residue of arcane research); a black stapler; and countless other objects that enter my awareness the moment I turn to them. What is crucial is that I don’t turn to them. For hours every day, I have little, if any, consciousness of them. I live in a circumscribed phenomenal world. An internal narrator speaks words and dictates to my fingers that type automatically. There is no need to think about the connection between head and hands. I am subsumed by the link. Were another object suddenly to materialize on my desk and then vanish, I might well have no knowledge of either its appearance or disappearance.

4 Once, in an unfamiliar hallway, I mistook myself for a stranger because I did not understand I was looking in a mirror. My own form took me by surprise because I was not oriented in space. Expectation is powerful.

5 There are days when I think I see an old friend in the street, but it is a stranger. The recognition ignites like a match and then is instantly extinguished when I understand I am wrong. The recognition is felt, not thought. I can’t trace what created the error, can’t tell you why one person reminded me of another.  Was the old friend a subliminal presence in my mind on that particular day or was the confusion purely external—a jut of the chin or slope of the shoulders or rhythm of a walk?

6 We do not become anesthetized to horrible photographs of death or suffering. We may choose to avoid them. When I see a gruesome image in the newspaper in the morning, I sometimes turn away, registering in seconds that looking too long will hurt me. People who gorge on horror films and violent thrillers do it, not because they have learned to feel too little, but because they indulge in the limbic rush that floods their systems as they safely witness exploding bodies. It seems that these viewers are mostly men.

7 We feel colors before we can name them.  Colors act on us pre-reflectively. A part of me feels red before I can name red. My cognitive faculties lag behind the color’s impact. Standing in a room my eyes go first to the vase of red tulips because they are red and because they are alive.

8 My mother once told me about coming home to find our cat dead on the lawn. She saw the poor animal from many yards away, but she said she knew with absolute assurance that it was dead. An inert thing. An it.

9 Photographs of the beloved dead draw me in. I am fascinated. There is the good, dear face, one that changed over time.  It is the picture that preserves the face, not my memory, which is befogged by the many faces he had over the years. Or is it the single face that grew old?  Sometimes I cannot bear to look. The image has become a token of grief. And yet, there is nothing so banal as the pictures of strange families.  After my father died, I found Christmas cards with photographs of unknown people among his papers—happy families—grinning into an invisible lens. I threw them away.

10 Galvanic skin response registers a change in the heat and electricity passed through the skin by nerves and sweat during emotional states.  People in white coats attach electrodes to your hands and track what happens. When they show you a picture of your mother, your GSR goes up. Meaning in the body.

11 Is our visual world rich or poor? There are fights about this. People do not agree. Philosophers and scientists and other academics ponder this richness and poverty question in papers and books and lectures. Human beings have very limited peripheral vision, but we can turn our heads and take in more of the world. When I’m writing, my vision is severely limited by my attention, but sometimes when I let my eyes roam in a space, I discover its density of light and color and feel surprised by what I find. When I focus, say, just on the shadows here on my desk, they become remarkable. My small round clock casts a double shadow from either side of its circular base, one darker than the other, a gray and a paler gray. There is a spot of brilliant light at the edge of the darker oval. As I look, this sight has become beautiful.

12 Why is a face beautiful?

13 If an image is flashed too quickly to be perceived consciously, we take it in unconsciously and we respond to it without knowing what is happening. A picture of a scowling face I can’t say I’ve seen affects me anyway. Scientists call this masking. Blindsight patients have cortical blindness. They lose visual consciousness but not visual unconsciousness. They see but don’t know they are seeing. If you ask them to guess what you’re holding (a pencil) they will guess far better than people who are truly blind. Words and consciousness are connected. How much do I see of the world that never registers in my awareness? When I walk in the street, I sometimes glimpse a scene for just an instant but I cannot tell you what I have witnessed until a fraction of a second later when the puzzling image falls into place: that furry thing was a stuffed animal and a little boy was dangling it from his stroller. The lag again.

14 We are picture-making creatures. We scribble and draw and paint. When I draw what I see, I touch the thing I am looking at it with my mind, but it is as if my hand is caressing its outline. People who stopped drawing as children continue to make pictures in their dreams or in the hallucinations that arrive just before they go to sleep. Where do those images come from?  I dreamed grass and brush and sticks were growing out of my arm, and I got to work busily trimming myself with a scissors. I wasn’t alarmed; it was a job handled in a matter-of-fact way. If I painted a self portrait  with bushy arms, I would be called a surrealist.

15 Some people who go blind see vivid images and colors. Some people who are losing their vision hallucinate while awake. An old man saw cows grazing in his living room, and a woman saw cartoon characters running up and down her doctor’s arm. Charles Bonnet syndrome. Just before I fell asleep, I saw a little man speeding over pink and violet cliffs. Once I saw an explosion of melting colors—green, blues, reds, and then a great flash of light that devoured them all. Hypnogogic hallucinations. Freud said dreams protect sleep. At night the world is taken from us and we make up our own scenes and stories. When you wake up slowly, you will remember more of that human underground.

16 Deprived of sight, we make visions. Seeing is also creating.

17

There are things in the world to see. Do I see what you see? We can talk about it and verify the facts. Through my window is the back of a house. One of its windows is completely covered by a blue shade. But if I tell you I see a flying zebra you will say, Siri, you are hallucinating. You are dreaming while awake.

18 Sometimes artists can make a hallucination real. A painting of a flying zebra is a real thing in the world, a real thing to see.

19 Why do I not like the word “taste�� when applied to art? Because it has lost its connection to the mouth and food and chewing. I don’t like the way this picture tastes. It’s bitter. If we thought about actual tastes, the word would still work. It would be a form of synesthesia, a crossing of our senses: seeing as tasting. But usually it is not used like that anymore so I avoid it entirely when I talk about art.

20 Looking at a human being or even a picture of a human being is different from looking at an object. Newborn babies, only hours old, copy the expressions of adults. They pucker up, try to grin, look surprised, and stick out their tongues. The photographs of imitating infants are both funny and touching. They do not know they are doing it; this response is in them from the beginning. Later, people learn to suppress the imitation mechanism; it would not be good if we went on forever copying every facial expression. Nevertheless, we human beings love to look at faces because we find ourselves there. When you smile at me, I feel a smile form on my own face before I am aware it is happening, and I smile because I am seeing me in your eyes and know that you like what you see.

21 I am looking at a small reproduction of Johannes Vermeer’s Study of a Young Woman, which hangs in a room at The Metropolitan Museum here in New York.  It is a girl’s head and face. I say girl because she is very young. From her face I would guess she is no more than ten years old. When I look up the picture in one of my books on Vermeer, I see that there it is called Portrait of a Young Girl, a far better title. We should not turn girls into women too soon. She is smiling, but not a wide smile. Her lips are sealed. My impression is that she is looking at me, but I cannot quite catch her eye. What is certain is that she is answering someone else’s gaze. Someone has made her smile. She is not a beautiful child; it is her looking that is beautiful, her connection to the invisible person. There is shyness in her expression, reserve, maybe a hint of hesitancy. I think she is looking at an adult, probably the artist, because she has not let herself go. She looks over her shoulder at him. I have great affection for this girl. That is the magic of the painting; it is not that I have affection for a representation of a child’s head that was painted some time between 1665 and 1667. No, I feel I have actually fallen for her, the way I fall for a child who looks up at me on the street and smiles, perhaps a homely child, who with a single look calls forth a burst of maternal feeling and sympathy. But my emotion is made of something more; I remember my own girlhood and my shyness with grownups I didn’t know well. I was not a bold child and in her face I see myself at the same age.

22 In some of Gerhard Richter’s painted-over photographs, he painted over his wife’s face and parts of her body. He covered the bodies of his children, too, in snapshots of them as babies and growing children. In these gestures, I felt he was keeping them for himself, keeping the private hidden. Other times, he framed them with swaths of color, turning them into featured subjects. I love those pictures.

23 Mothers have a need to look at their children. We cannot help it.

24 Lovers have a need to look at each other. They cannot help it.

25 Several years ago a friend sent me a paper on mirror neurons. They were found in the brains of macaque monkeys. When one monkey makes a gesture, grabs a banana, neurons in his premotor cortex are activated. When another monkey watches the gesture, but doesn’t make it, the same neurons are activated in his brain. Human beings have them, too. We reflect each other.

26 Looking at pornography is exciting but loses its interest after orgasm.

27 Reading the end of James Joyce’s Ulysses when Molly Bloom is remembering is erotic because she gives permission, gives up and gives way, and this is always exciting and interesting because it is personal not impersonal. Isn’t it strange that looking at little abstract symbols on a white page can make a person feel such things? I see her in his arms. I am in his arms. I remember your arms.

28 When I read stories, I see them. I make pictures and often they remain in my mind after I have finished a novel, along with some phrases or sentences. I ground the characters in places, real and imagined. But I always remember the feeling of a book best, unless I have forgotten it altogether.

29 I do not usually see philosophy with some exceptions: Plato, Pascal, Kierkegaard, and Nietzsche because they are also storytellers.

30 Some people cannot make visual imagery. They do not see pictures in their minds. They do not turn words into images. I didn’t know such a thing was possible until a short time ago. They see abstractly. They remember the symbols on the page.

31 “I see” can also mean “I understand.”

32 There is a small part of the brain called the fusiform gyrus that is crucial for recognizing faces. If you lose this ability your deficit is called prosopagnosia.  It happens that a person with brain damage looks at herself in the mirror, and believes she is seeing, not herself, but a double. It seems that what has vanished is not reason, but that special feeling we get when we look at our reflections, that warm sense of ownership. When that disappears, the image of one’s self becomes alien.

33 I look and sometimes I see.

[cyberkevvideo]

Monster Conversion - Two Underground Monsters (PF 2e to PF 1e)

Yesterday, I released a revised version of the blessed ring. I say revised, because my published version was not like that one, but it’s also been years since I first did conversions, and I’ve gotten a lot better. Case in point, I’ll be releasing two monsters today from Pathfinder 2e’s bestiary, converted to 1e. I did them both in only a matter of hours. A few years ago, that might have taken me days to do. Experience really does make all the difference.

The reason I’m doing this is simply because last Thursday, I made the comment on Paizo forum that two monsters that I’d witnessed in the 2e Bestiary would make perfect additions for “Throne of Night”, had they been released in some way back during Pathfinder 1e. The next day (Friday), I asked around to see if anyone had already converted them. No one had. So, with my own words eating at me, I decided to take it upon myself to convert these two creatures.

They are about as balanced as possible, given the circumstances. Not everything can be perfect, but they’re not so overpowered that a party of four of the proper level and wealth couldn’t successfully defeat them, or at least hold their own for a period of time. Even the latter one is based on an average d20 roll of 10 being added to the Disguise DC, which is how Paizo implemented the numbers they had in the first place. Everything assumes “average”.

The creatures I converted today are the drakauthix and grikkitog. I even managed to keep them at the same CR.

All art used comes directly from Archives of Nethys.

I hope everyone’s staying safe right now, and not venturing away too far or for too long.

--- I do not have a Patreon or a Kickstarter, but I do have a Ko-Fi  page (linked) for those who are looking to support me monetarily. There is no pressure  or obligation to do so. ---

Before we get into things, I’ll be linking each creature to its original stat block. This way you can read up on their lore, description, etc, as well as do a side-by-side comparison to see what was changed and what was kept.

I will say that it helped immensely that there were already monsters in various bestiaries 1 through 6 with similar abilities that I could take, revised, and reuse. As well, Universal Monster Rules are a thing in Pathfinder 1e, so some of the 2e abilities were renamed to fit those. No sense in making up new mechanics when perfectly good ones already exist.

First up is the drakauthix, a fungus creature that looks like a huge floating mushroom with tentacles and spore clouds.

DRAKAUTHIX    (CR 9; 6,400 XP) N Huge plant Init +6; Senses darkvision 60 ft., low-light vision, sporesight 60 ft.; Perception +17 DEFENSE AC 23, touch 11, flat-footed 20 (+2 Dex, +1 dodge, +12 natural, –2 size) hp 115 (11d8+66) Fort +12, Ref +7, Will +7 Defensive Abilities obscuring spores, plant traits; DR 10/slashing Weaknesses vulnerability to fire OFFENSE Speed fly 20 ft. (good) Space 15 ft.; Reach 15 ft. (30 ft. with tentacle) Melee 4 tentacles +13 (1d8+7 plus grab) Special Attacks pull (tentacle, 15 feet), spore tendrils (R-DC 20) STATISTICS Str 25, Dex 14, Con 21, Int 2, Wis 15, Cha 10 Base Atk +8; CMB +17; CMD 30 Feats Dodge, Improved Initiative, Iron Will, Lightning Reflexes, Skill Focus (Stealth), Toughness, Whirlwind AttackB Skills Acrobatics +12, Fly +9, Perception +17, Stealth +15; Racial Modifiers +10 Acrobatics, +10 Perception, +10 Stealth Languages Undercommon (understands but cannot speak) SQ create sporelings SPECIAL ABILITIES Create Sporelings (Su) A spore-infested creature that dies, becomes host for a sporeling colony (small drakauthix), over the course of 1d4 rounds. As the infested body strikes the ground below, it bursts and releases a cloud of spores, unleashing the sporelings that immediately scuttle up the cavern walls to cling to its ceiling and grow. Each sporeling harvests enough material from the body it emerged from to grow to its full size over a few days. After it has done so, the drakauthix detaches from the cave ceiling and seeks out its first meal in the cavern below. Obscuring Spores (Su) Whenever the drakauthix takes at least 10 points of slashing damage, it releases a cloud of brown spores that mimics the effect of obscuring mist for 1 minute, centered around the drakauthix. This cloud of spores does not move with the drakauthix, nor is it displaced by its movement. Sporesight (Ex) The drakauthix exudes a cloud of spores that it uses to see as blindsight, but it only functions in areas without strong wind currents. Sporesight does not function underwater. Spore Tendrils (Su) The tendrils that cover the drakauthix’s body reach out and infest adjacent creatures, dealing 2d6 points of damage from the spores, plus 1d3 points of damage per round for 3 rounds as the spores grow into fuzzy mold. A creature that is currently grappled by the drakauthix takes a –4 circumstance penalty to this save. The save DC is Constitution-based.

Harvesting a Drakauthix: Some Darklands-dwelling creatures, such as duergars, hunt drakauthixes for their flesh, which has a unique flavor with a peppery aftertaste. Subterranean races also make ink from drakauthixes by burning their carcasses, then grinding and pressing the ashes for a long time until a silvery substance congeals.

-------------------------------------------

Next we have the horrifying grikkitog. This is definitely a thing of nightmares, and the fact that it can infest and infiltrate numerous aspects of rock and earth, making it so much scarier and more of a threat, just adds another level of terror and complexity to a fight. This, is a great way to introduce something Lovecraftian to an adventure. All those rocks, stalagmites, and stalactites growing eyes and mouths, chewing down on the party. All the while everyone has to seek out the original core to even damage it, which is cleverly disguised. This, is what I meant when I said I kept it as balanced as possible with average rolls. I mentioned this before in a previous entry when I discussed skill challenges. An “average” skill DC for a level 14-15 party of four is 29, and a “hard” one is 36. These increase by 2 if there’s 5 or more in the party. I erred on the side of caution. That doesn’t make this thing any less monstrous though.

GRIKKITOG     (CR 14; 38,400 XP) NE Huge aberration (earth) Init +8; Senses all-around vision, darkvision 60 ft., tremorsense 30 ft.; Perception +28 Aura infestation (120 ft.) DEFENSE AC 29, touch 12, flat-footed 25 (+4 Dex, +27 natural, –2 size) hp 190 (20d8+100) Fort +13, Ref +12, Will +17 DR 10/adamantine OFFENSE Speed 20 ft., burrow 20 ft., earth glide Space 15 ft.; Reach 15 ft. Melee bite +22 (4d8+12/19–20 plus grab plus bleed) Special Attacks barbed maw, bleed (1d8) STATISTICS Str 26, Dex 19, Con 21, Int 14, Wis 21, Cha 20 Base Atk +15; CMB +25; CMD 39 (43 vs. grapple) Feats Cleave, Combat Reflexes, Deceitful, Great Fortitude, Improved Critical (bite), Improved Initiative, Lightning Reflexes, Power Attack, Vital Strike, Weapon Focus (bite) Skills Acrobatics +19, Bluff +20, Climb +25, Disguise +22 (+26 to imitate stone), Knowledge (planes) +20, Perception +28, Stealth +13 (+21 Stealth in stony areas), Survival +28, Swim 16; Racial Modifiers +4 Climb, +4 Disguise to imitate stone, +8 Stealth in stony areas Languages Terran SQ implant core, magical strike, manifold vision SPECIAL ABILITIES Barbed Maw (Ex) A grikkitog can extend its barbed teeth and fully impale a creature that is two or more size categories smaller than the grikkitog (a Medium or smaller creature for the typical grikkitog). This ability effectively adds the grab universal monster ability to the grikkitog’s bite attack against such a creature, but if the grikkitog successfully “grabs” a foe in this manner by impaling it on the teeth, the grikkitog does not gain the grappled condition. An grikkitog’s options while grappling a foe in this way are limited—it can either move while grappling the foe, or it can whip its body and attempt to fling the foe as if using the Awesome Blow feat (the damage dealt by this is equal to its bite damage). A grikkitog can impale up to three Medium-sized (or six Small-sized) creatures at a time with its maw, while continuing to attack normally with its bites. Earth Glide (Ex) A burrowing grikkitog can pass through stone, dirt, or almost any other sort of earth except metal as easily as a fish swims through water. If protected against fire damage, it can even glide through lava. Its burrowing leaves behind no tunnel or hole, nor does it create any ripple or other sign of its presence. A move earth spell cast on an area containing a burrowing grikkitog flings the aberration back 30 feet, stunning the creature for 1 round unless it succeeds on a DC 15 Fortitude save. Implant Core (Ex) The grikkitog implants its core into an adjacent section of earth or stone, melding seamlessly and changing its visual appearance to match the surrounding rock. It’s immobilized but automatically succeeds at its Disguise check to impersonate the stone around it; creatures actively searching for it can still attempt Perception checks against its Disguise DC as normal. A grikkitog can release its implantation as a free action, which has the manipulate trait. A grikkitog’s infestation aura and manifold vision are only active while implanted. Infestation Aura (Su) While its core is implanted, a grikkitog infests all earth and stone within 120 feet, as long as there is a contiguous physical connection between the earth, including stone objects touching on the ground. This effect spreads even if the grikkitog does not have line of effect, though it can affect earth or stone on the surface and exposed to the air only if at least part of its core is exposed as well. Within the aura, it can grow maws and eyes everywhere. It can make bite attacks against any creature, originating from any earth or stone in the aura adjacent to that creature. Determine cover from the origin point of the attack, not from the grikkitog’s core. Magical Strike (Ex) A grikkitog’s bite attack is treated as a magic weapon for the purposes of damage reduction. Manifold Vision While its core is implanted, the grikkitog can see through the eyes it creates throughout the area of its infestation aura, gaining the benefits of all-around vision.

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If used in someone’s game, let me know. I hope someone can make the most use of these converted creatures in an underground campaign, and ruin the day of their PCs.

[crackinthecup]

Question meme

@kashyurio, @markedasinfernal, and @prackspoor have all tagged me in this meme, so I’ll answer underneath a cut so this doesn’t take up lots of space! (thank you for tagging me, guys, and sorry it’s taken me a million years to respond to this <3)

@kashyurio‘s questions

1. If you could know a language without studying it, what would it be?

Japanese.

2. Name 3 places you’d love to visit.

Peru, New Zealand, Iceland.

3. Do you play any instruments?

Piano, very badly.

4. Dream job?

I’d love to do something like herding sheep somewhere remote while also magically having enough money to live on :P

5. A talent that makes you envious of others?

Not falling over on the tube!

6. Your favorite way of passing the time on a rainy day?

Wrapped up in a blanket, reading or watching a movie / TV show.

7. An unpopular opinion you might have?

I don’t really like Snapchat.

8. A book that left a mark?

Well, technically it’s three books, but The Lord of the Rings!

9. Favorite scent?

I’m not sure I have one single favourite scent, but here’s a few of the many scents I like: roses, lavender, cinnamon, chocolate, lemongrass.

10. Favorite season?

Spring.

XX

@markedasinfernal‘s questions

1) Do you like pumpkin spice lattes?

I do like them, yes, but I often find that they’re a bit too sweet for me.

2) What is your favourite farmyard animal?

Cows are pretty great!

3) What is your favourite translated work (a book / play / poem not originally written in English)?

Rumi’s poems.

4) Listening to any cool music at the moment?

I’ve been listening to the acoustic version of Scrape by Blue Stahli on repeat for the past few days.

5) How do you commute to work / school?

Bus and then a short walk from the bus stop to where I work.

6) If you could live the life and storyline in full of any fictional character, who would it be (and why)?

Probably Treebeard—I don’t like being hasty any more than he does, it’d be pretty cool to be around through all the ages of the world, and I would get to hang out with the Entwives.

7) If you could study any subject and be guaranteed a good job in that field of work, what would subject would you choose?

English literature or neuroscience.

8) Do you think that money can buy happiness?

Not in and of itself, but it is conducive to acquiring things and having experiences that might make one happy.

9) What is your favourite meme?

The distracted boyfriend meme or the meme where pictures of cats were overlaid with the word ‘bode.’

10) Would you rent / buy a Halloween costume or just throw something together out of things in your wardrobe?

If it was for a special event, I might consider buying a proper Halloween costume, but otherwise I’d probably just use clothes I already own.

XX

@prackspoor‘s questions

1. Do you believe in ghosts?

Not per se, but I am open to the possibility that they exist.

2. What is the weirdest movie you have ever watched?

The Fountain (2006)

3. Reading or writing?

Ahhh this is hard: reading, because I miss having the time to sit down with a book (or a fic)!

4. If you could choose to master one skill within a day, what would it be?

Martial arts.

5. What is your favourite YouTube channel?

Ozzy Man Reviews.

6. What is the most interesting random fact you know?

There are two neural pathways in the brain for processing visual stimuli. The main one that does most of the work goes to the primary visual cortex in the occipital lobe, but there is a more primitive one that goes to subcortical structures like the pulvinar nuclei. Some suggest this might explain the phenomenon of blindsight, i.e., the finding that when you ask people who are for all intents and purposes blind to point out the location of visual stimuli (or respond to visual stimuli in some other way), they are able to do so at an accuracy level above chance. The proposed explanation is that even though the primary visual pathway may be damaged, visual stimuli are still being processed by the more primitive pathway, enabling us to respond to them.

Also! The CA1-4 areas in the hippocampus are short for Cornu Ammonis, named after the Egyptian god Amun Ra.

7. If you could choose any era of human history for a two-week vacation, where - or rather when - would you go?

I’d go to the early days of the Roman Empire!

8. If you could choose one superpower, what would it be?

Being able to stop time.

9. What would you like to recommend to other people?

I’m not really the best person to give life advice, but I can recommend a book! The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy has stayed with me ever since I read it.

10. Which skills or languages would you still like to learn?

I like languages, so my immediate response to this question was ALL OF THE LANGUAGES PLEASE. I have no current plans to learn new languages though, but I do hope to get my driver’s licence sometime in the near future! It would also be cool to learn to sew properly. I can mend small rips in clothes and the like, but I’m by no means good at it.

11. If you could change one thing about a book/movie you love, what would you change and why?

I’d make the scenes with Faramir in the LotR movies more like the ones in the books.

[lichlairs]

Checkout our new post over at https://lichlair.com/daily-monster-38-wooden-donkey

Daily Monster #38: Wooden Donkey

A what now? You’re joking right? Why is this a monster? I need answers WotC. At this point I feel like the only things we get for this column are fiends and a random assortment of things that should not have been made into monsters. But go off, I guess. Might as well get the ball rolling on this one. Let’s talk about…

The Wooden Donkey

There goes all our picture budget for this article

The basics

You know, all things considered, I’ve seen players characters with similar stats to this monster. We’re looking at +2 STR and +1 CON followed by a WIS and DEX of +0. Their lowest stats are their -4 CHA and -4 INT.

These medium constructs have an AC of 11 and a tiny hit point pool of 2d8+2. They have a walking speed of 40ft as well as 30ft of Blindsight.

As a Beast of Burden, the mule is capable of carrying the same as Large creatures. Similarly, thanks to their Sure-footed feature wooden donkeys have advantage on STR and DEX saving throws against being knocked prone.

Interestingly enough, these monsters are considered incapacitated when not guided by a rider.

In terms of attacks, the wooden donkey can only make use of their Hooves attack.

Wooden donkeys are considered CR 1/8 creatures.

This is exactly what they look like

The lore

Surprise to no one, there is exactly zero lore to these creatures. Trust me, I looked. I’m not sure what exactly is going on over at Waterdeep Dungeon of the Mad Mage.

Is that what the dungeon is for? Is it full of wooden donkeys? Is that what why the Mage is Mad??? Have they gone mad after the creation of these creatures? What did they need them for? …so may questions.

The encounter

Look. Sometimes you have to look at a monster for what they are: an opportunity for comedy. Do I know how the kobolds are going to get a hold of these constructs? Not at all. But that’s not going to stop me from making it happen. Maybe there’s a really smart kobold out there who is cranking out these things.

Imagine your characters readying their weapons at the sound of a large number of hooves approaching…only to see a bunch of kobolds riding wooden donkeys. If you’re not sold on the possibility of the party getting their hands on multiples of these (and who can blame you for that) consider having a single “paladin” kobold ride up with an entourage of kobold squires.

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[bwyankee]

Even numbers

oh dayum, das a lotta questions

2:what would you name your future kids?I have an unreasonable love for the name “Geoff” but that only really works for a masculine name. I’ve never really thought about this because I don’t have kids in my future plans like, at all.

4:what are you looking forward to?When I finally get a nintendo switch. I’m hoping to have one before spring break starts next week, and then I’ll have literally nothing to do except play the switch and go to work.

6:is it hard for you to get over someone?hahaha… ha…

8:have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?Never from being annoyed

10:are you good at hiding your feelings?Depends on who you ask I think

12:what is something you want right now?NINTENDO SWITCH

14:when was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?Couple days ago

16:have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?My perpetual existence

18:do you miss how things were a year ago?Kinda. When I take a step back from it and take a more objective look I realize that I’m better off now.

20:what is your favourite song at the moment?Lately it’s been Shake Me Down by Cage the Elephant, remixed by Opvs. & ye.(That link also functions as a link to a playlist that I’ve been updating constantly so if you’re looking to get into electronic type music I think I’ve compiled a good collection)

22:description of crush.Oh boy… uhhhh which one? :P I’ll pick one I guess. Long, brown hair, brown/hazel eyes, really small (I guess who isn’t by comparing them to me), pretty quirky and shares similar interests and tastes to myself.

24: height6′1″

26:idol(s)I don’t idolize anyone.

28:i’ll love you if…You’ll know if I do.

30:favourite tv show(s)Stranger Things, A:tLA, Legend of Korra, others.

32: are your friends mainly girls or guys?I have a pretty even blend, and even have a couple nonbinary pals!

34:most embarrassing momentMy entire existence

36:3 dreams you want to fulfill?-get job in my chosen career with comfortable, livable wage-travel more-make more movies/TV

38:favourite comedian(s)Kevin Hart, Ryan Stiles, Craig Ferguson, Gabriel Iglesias

40:favourite memoryThat week I had in Japan a year ago.

42:favourite book(s)-King Killer Chronicle-Ender’s game universe-Inheritance Cycle-Blindsight

44:age you get mistaken for25-27

46:what my last text message saysboss asking if I can do a 10:30 setup for a shoot on friday

48:turn offscigarettes, closed-mindedness, egocentrism, ethnocentrism, willful ignorance, helplessness, lack of maturity, lack of communication, list keeps going but I’m lazy.

50:favourite picture of your idollike I said, I don’t idolize anyone

52:something i’m talented atvoices

54:something thats worrying me at the momentwhen I’ll get a nintendo switch

56:favourite food(s)-pizza-burritos-girl scout cookies

58:description of my best friendTall, wears glasses, dark hair, says “Ay mang” a lot, constant 5oclock shadow, is oxide.

60:ask me anything you wanttry again on this one, anon.

[igotopinions]

Books I read in 2018

* = Re-read Check out past years: 2012, 2013 (skipped), 2014, 2015, 2016, and 2017. Follow me on Goodreads to get these reviews as they happen. 1) You Are Not a Gadget by Jaron Lanier 2) Binti by Nnedi Okorafor 3) Veins of the Earth by Patrick Stewart 4) McGlue by Ottessa Moshfegh  The ending is clear almost from the first page, but you keep reading anyway*. Great stuff. *It's almost as if there is MORE to enjoying a story than being surprised by the ending???? 5) They Shoot Horses, Don't They? by Horace McCoy  Ah yes, the violent and bloody underbelly of....the marathon dance craze??? Marathons that last upward of a MONTH??? Incredulity, if nothing else, keeps you reading right to the end. 6) What Editors Do: The Art, Craft, and Business of Book Editing by Peter Ginna I've no interest in becoming an editor, but as an author I figured there'd be some useful stuff in here. From that perspective I'll say this - writers, even ones who only want to self-publish, would do well to breeze through this to get a better understanding of a process they've been through or want to go through, but also a better understanding of the editors themselves. 7) Taran Wanderer by Lloyd Alexander 8) The High King by Lloyd Alexander 9) The Foundling and Other Tales of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander 10) The Largesse of the Sea Maiden: Stories by Denis Johnson 11) Landmarks by Robert MacFarlane Beautiful stuff, and a great reminder of all sorts of precious sensations to be found out in the world or in your childhood memories. 12) Vacationland: True Stories from Painful Beaches by John Hodgeman I like John Hodgeman in general, but honestly haven't dug any of his books of false facts or the stand-up routines centered around such things. That stuff just feels like someone scatting nonsense (Blood tornado! Deranged millionaire! DOG STORM! Yeah!) to the tune of a particular vibe (the doodles in the margins of your high school notebooks). But it's clear the guy can be a consummate storyteller and so I happily picked up this book of his ostensibly true tales. It's charming, funny, and sincere. Huzzah! I look forward to whatever comes next from Hodge Man. 13) The World of Late Antiquity 150-750 by Peter R.L. Brown  14) The Book of Joan by Lidia Yuknavitch 15) The Luzhin Defense by Vladimir Nabokov, Michael Scammell (Translator) 16) The Only Harmless Great Thing by Brooke Bolander  17) Blindsight by Peter Watts 18) Killing Gravity by Corey J. White  19) How to Thrive in the Next Economy: Designing Tomorrow's World Today by John Thackara 20) Echopraxia by Peter Watts 21) The Colonel by Peter Watts 22) The Devil's Guide to Hollywood: The Screenwriter as God! by Joe Eszterhas It’s a big book of quotable notables intermixed with a guy who really wants you to know he slept with Sharon Stone. There’s some chuckles to be had, especially if you’re irritated by Robert McKee, but let’s just say I’m glad I got this half-off from a used book store. 23) The River of Consciousness by Oliver Sacks   Writers of fiction would do well to read this. 24) Asking for It: The Alarming Rise of Rape Culture and What We Can Do about It  by Kate Harding *25) The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut 26) Red Clocks by Leni Zumas A reminder that dystopian tales don’t have to be cranked to eleven, and are often much more effective that way. 27) Dungeon Crawl Classics RPG by Goodman Games I don’t normally include RPG books in this list, but at about 450 pages I reckon this one earns a spot. I had a lot of thoughts about it, which you can read here. 28) Thongor and the Wizard of Lemuria by Lin Carter   Look man, either you want to read a Conan rip-off where a convenient flying ship pulls our hero out of trouble at Just. The. Right. Time. or you don't. Nothing I say here will change that. I dipped into this soon after discovering the infamous Appendix N reading list. 29) Dear Life by Alice Munro 30) A Cabinet of Byzantine Curiosities: Strange Tales and Surprising Facts from History's Most Orthodox Empire by Anthony Kaldellis 31) Climate Leviathan: A Political Theory of Our Planetary Future by Joel Wainwright and Geoff Mann 32) Writing the Pilot: Creating the Series by William Rabkin 33) Ways of Seeing by John Berger If you've already done some university level art studies you may find most of this old hat.But if you haven't? It's a great primer, and I strongly recommend it. Heck, I wish I'd had it put in front of me in high school. 34) Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado 35) A Long Way Gone: Memoirs of a Boy Soldier by Ishmael Beah 36) Polyamorous Love Song by Jacob Wren This book came out a few years ago. Just a few days ago I found it on the dollar shelf at a great used book and record shop in Montreal (Cheap Thrills). I never bother with stuff from the dollar shelf because it's usually about as good as the price suggests. But. The title & cover grabbed my eye. Then I stood and read the entire first chapter, not because I needed that much to erode any skepticism but because it gripped me. Your mileage may - nay, will - vary, of course. For me, the contents of this book were exactly what I needed. It might be what you need too, especially if you are someone who creates any kind of art and is struggling with it in the face of an increasingly rabid world. 37) Feel Free: Essays by Zadie Smith 38) Revenge Fantasies of the Politically Dispossessed by Jacob Wren 39) Rich and Poor by Jacob Wren 40) Homesick for Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh   41) Eileen by Ottessa Moshfegh 42) Room to Dream by David Lynch,  Kristine McKenna A great book whose format of a conversation between biography and autobiography really works! Both halves strangle the "lone genius" bullshit almost right out of the gate and, especially in Lynch's chapters, there's some kind of amusing punchline at the end of every other paragraph. An excellent read that is enjoyable even if you haven't seen every minute of his creative output. 43) Warrior of World's End by Lin Carter  This book contains a sentient metal bird called a "Bazonga" and a chapter called "Flight of the Bazonga", to give you an idea. It's fun and dumb and yes. 44) Parable of the Sower by Octavia E. Butler 45) Twelve Tomorrows by Wade Roush (Editor) *46) A Burglar's Guide to the City by Geoff Manaugh   47) The Dying Earth by Jack Vance I was going to write my own review but then I saw BIll's here and it's just so much better than what I was going to say, as well as echoing much of my own thinking. 48) Dune by Frank Herbert It is Dune. 49) Make Room! Make Room! by Harry Harrison This book does not in fact contain the famous twist from the film. That changes a lot, an awful lot. Frankly it evokes, read now, climate change at least as much if not more than overpopulation. I'm not sure if I'd recommend reading it, frankly, though not for any lack of talent on Harry Harrison's part. 50) Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell  51) Silver Screen Fiend: Learning About Life from an Addiction to Film by Patton Oswalt 52) The Chapo Guide to Revolution: A Manifesto Against Logic, Facts, and Reason by Chapo Trap House *53) Mother Night by Kurt Vonnegut   Though it gifts us a few of his best quotes, such as “We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.”, I feel like Mother Night is only necessary reading for completionists. It often feels like a short story filled out to novel length, and lacks any of the fantastic or meta-textual elements of his other works. 54) Dungeons and Dragons Art and Arcana: A Visual History by Kyle Newman,  Jon Peterson, Michael Witwer, Sam Witwer STATS Non-Fiction: 20 Fiction: 34 Poetry Collections:0 Comic Trades: 0 Wrote Myself: 0

[ttcmisadventures]

Slow beta rise hell

So IUI #5 our first medicated IUI cycle with the reproductive endocrinologist worked but the pregnancy may not be viable. I tested out my trigger shot and by 8 DPO (assuming I ovulated the morning of the IUI) the hcg from the trigger was out of my system. The very next day we got a very faint positive. On 17 DPO I got the first beta drawn and it was 167.3 which was slightly above an average of 130ish for my BMI. We were ecstatic and we stated to get hopeful that this was real and in 8 months we would be bringing home a baby. "Dont get too excited" I thought "it still needs to double." I have a LGBTQ baby onesie hidden in my sock drawer from the cycle 3 chemical prefnancy. Once the beta rises and we get a dye stealer on the FRER I'll give it them to my wife.

We repeated the beta 48 hours later and got the bad news phone call. Our beta only rose 32% to 221. Not good. That’s below the minimum threshold of 35% for a viable uterine pregnancy. My progesterone was a healthy 64.6 so at least we don’t have to worry about that in the future. No progesterone supposities needed.

A beta hcg level should nearly double in 48-72 hours. They like it to rise at least 60%. A rate below 53% in 48 hours is abnormal and needs further monitoring. A rate below 35% in 48 hours is considered a non-viable pregnancy. Even if you make it to a heart beat around 6-8 weeks the embryo usually fails soon after and then a miscarriage occurs. Most miscarriages are caused by chromosomal issues that occurred way back at the moment of conception. They’re mostly unavoidable and there’s usually nothing that can be done to prevent them. We just have shitty luck that we are likely having 2 chemical pregnancies in a row. Only 2% of women who have miscarriages have them back to back like this. Yay!

So 48 hours of uncontrollable crying passed and our third beta was 345.6 which is a 56% rise. So that’s better but the doctor’s office still warned us that we are probably headed towards either miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. We have to wait.

They said that they wanted us to repeat the blood work in 5 days and once the hcg level is over 1,000 it’s time to do a scan to see where the sack is located. If it’s in the uterus then we will let nature take its course unless hcg levels drop. If they drop then we will probably do misoprostol suppositories or maybe a D&C to speed up the miscarriage.

If the sac can’t be found we will be fored to wait a few more days then do another scan.

If the sac is found in a tube then I have to take Methotrexate (which is a chemo drug that dissolves the fetus and would also stop us from TTC for 3 months) or possibly have surgery before the fetus tries to kill me.

Of course there’s like a 1% chance that a miracle will happen and our baby will survive past the first trimester but I’m not going to bank on maybes and wishes. The internet is full of slow beta rise success stories but so many of them get a heart beat and then a week later it’s gone so I’m going to try very hard to not fall into false hope to just end up crushed. Or many more of them think their 53-75% rise is "slow" when really it's considered totally acceptable. Every body is different and people make hormones at different rates.

My feelings about this shroedinger baby are complicated. The joy of being pregnant is completely gone. That hopeful wistful bliss has been sniffed out. Every pregnancy symptom is now a cruel reminder that my baby is probably incompatible with life and will very likely pass soon. I worry about every single internal twitch or pinch wondering if it’s ectopic and I’m about to blow a tube and nearly die. I feel like my body has been invaded by a monster and I just want to clear it out so we can move on and start over and hope for a healthy normal pregnancy. I wish I’d never had my betas drawn but I’m also thankful that I’ve been forewarned because some women go to their 6-8 week appointment and get blindsighted and I’d rather cry at home than in the doctor's office with an ultrasound wand up my vagina.

Waiting is so difficult. I just wish we knew what was happening either way. At least if the ultrasound comes back with bad news we can move forward and do something instead of standing still in this beta hell.

[thecreaturecodex]

Desmodu

Image © Wizards of the Coast, by David Roach. Accessed at the Monster Manual II Art Gallery here

[So at the time I’m enqueuing this post, Furtober has been going for a while, and I’m afraid it has not been terribly successful. My thought was to post a bunch of furry monsters, because people seemed to like them and October is traditionally a theme month for internet creative types. But my average notes count is actually lower than it has been! Maybe I’m over-saturating the market. Maybe it’s because I haven’t tagged them with “furry”, instead using “furtober”, which is a tag people don’t search for or follow (I’ve since rectified this). Maybe I was mis-estimating my audience in general, but whatever the reason, Furtober feels like a bit of a failure.

You know what else feels like a bit of a failure? The desmodu! These batsquatches were Skip Williams’ baby, having appeared first in Deep Horizon, a module he wrote all about them, and then reappearing in Monster Manual II and Savage Species. Basically, they showed up in one book per year of the entire 3.0 product line, and nobody ever seemed to like them. Maybe it was because they had a lot of special abilities and gimmicks (sonic attacks! wounding! alchemy! double weapons!). Maybe because the creature misses out on what people want from an anthro bat monster--flight. Maybe because that illustration isn’t great. (Incidentally, two images by the same artist appear in Deep Horizon, and are much better. I didn’t use either of them because I only have access to very low-res versions). My version streamlines their abilities a bit and removes the double weapon gimmick.]

Desmodu CR 9 NG Monstrous Humanoid This hulking creature resembles a cross between a bat and a gorilla, with reddish fur and a wrinkled face. It does not have full wings, but a membrane connects its oversized arms to its somewhat stumpy legs. It wears a harness and leather armor, and carries an oversized hook.

The desmodus are intelligent, bat-like giant humanoids. They were once common throughout the Darklands, but warfare with the drow pushed them into the deepest, most remote corners. Desmodus have relatively poor vision, but compensate for this by an incredibly keen echolocation sense. Their language, Desmon, extends into frequencies above and below that which humans can hear, and their voices tend to jump in frequency dramatically when speaking more common languages. They are omnivores, feeding primarily on fungi and giant insects, but they require the blood of vertebrates regularly in order to stay healthy. Most desmodu obtain this blood by feeding non-lethally on giant bats and lizards kept as livestock.

Desmodus favor the use of weapons in warfare, such as crossbows and their signature hooked staves. They also craft alchemical items, and use these intelligently to disrupt enemy tactics—charging into enemy formations with a lit smokestick in their belt is a common desmodu gambit. Their sonic abilities can be honed into weapons, firing bolts of stunning sound or filling enemies with despair-causing vibrations. As most desmodu are good, most of them will accept surrender, and most would prefer to flee or surrender themselves instead of fight to the death.

Most desmodus live in small enclaves, and community is dearly important to them. Desmodus wear “kinship badges”, which are metallic bell-like structures that resonate when struck with echolocation, the pitch revealing the family and enclave of the wearer. They trade with other enclaves or with other Darklands species, but material goods are not considered valuable for their own sake. Many desmodus are proud of their animal husbandry, breeding new strains of livestock suitable for food, as pack animals, or even as mounts. Desmodus worship a small pantheon of gods and empyreal lords devoted to darkness, earth and kinship. Some clans have fallen to evil, however, serving powers of war and blood.

A desmodu stands between eight and nine feet tall. They walk bipedally with a rolling gait, but when they need speed drop down on all fours. They favor leather as material for armor and clothing.

Desmodu        CR 9 XP 6,400 NG Large monstrous humanoid Init +3; Senses blindsight 120 ft., darkvision 30 ft., Perception +17 Defense AC 21, touch 12, flat-footed 18 (-1 size, +3 Dex, +6 natural, +3 armor) hp 114 (12d10+48) Fort +10, Ref +11, Will +10; +4 vs. sonic Defensive Abilities soundproof Offense Speed 20 ft., climb 20 ft. (40 ft. when galloping) Melee ogre hook +16/+11/+6 (2d8+7/x3), bite +11 (1d8+2 plus bleed) or 2 claws +16 (1d6+5), bite +16 (1d8+5 plus bleed) Ranged screech bolt +14 touch (5d6 sonic and stun) or light crossbow +14 (2d6/19-20) Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft. Special Attacks bleed (1d4), subsonic hum (12 rounds/day) Statistics Str 20, Dex 16, Con 18, Int 15, Wis 15, Cha 11 Base Atk +12; CMB +18 (+20 vs. trip); CMD 31 (33 vs. trip) Feats Combat Expertise, Combat Reflexes, Great Fortitude, Improved Trip, Quick Draw, Vital Strike Skills Acrobatics +19 (+14 jumping, +23 jumping w/ gallop), Climb +20, Craft (alchemy) +17, Handle Animal +12, Heal +10, Perception +21, Stealth +14; Racial Modifiers +4 Acrobatics, +4 Perception Languages Desmon, Terran, Undercommon Ecology Environment underground Organization solitary, pair, company (3-7) or troop (8-20) Treasure standard (Large masterwork studded leather armor, Large ogre hook, Large light crossbow with 20 bolts, other treasure) Special Abilities Blindsight (Ex) A desmodu’s blindsight is hearing based. They cannot use this ability if deafened or in the area of a silence spell. Gallop (Ex) A desmodu can move at a speed of 40 feet if it travels on all four limbs. It cannot hold an item in hand or draw an item when it gallops. Screech Bolt (Su) As a standard action once every 1d4 rounds, a desmodu can fire a ray at a range of 60 feet. A creature struck by this ray takes 5d6 points of sonic damage and must succeed a DC 22 Fortitude save or be stunned for 1 round. The save DC is Constitution based. Soundproof (Ex) A desmodu gains a +4 racial bonus on all saving throws against sonic effects. Subsonic Hum (Su) A desmodu can create an area of sonic vibrations in a 30 foot radius around itself. It can use this ability as a standard action, and maintain it on later rounds as a swift action. A desmodu can use this ability for a number of rounds per day equal to its Hit Dice + Charisma modifier. It gains access to the following two abilities: Despair All enemies in the area must succeed a DC 16 Will save or be struck with despair, suffering a -2 penalty to attack rolls, saving throws, skill and ability checks and weapon damage rolls for as long as they remain in the area of the hum. Hope All allies in the area gain a +2 morale bonus to attack rolls, saving throws, skill and ability checks and weapon damage rolls as long as they remain in the area of the hum. A desmodu can switch between effects as a standard action. This is a mind-influencing emotion effect, and the save DC is Charisma based.

[thiswasasuperterribleidea]

Just gonna draft an email real quick...

Maybe hi? So..this email is associated with your contact in my phone. I have no idea how or why, or if it’s even one you use. I have no idea if it’s a valid email.  I have no idea how it got there because I know I’ve never communicated to you through it before. But ...it’s here, because iPhones are too smart, and it’s very creepy. I have no idea if you read your emails or not. I usually don’t even open mine. I automatically check them all as read and move on with my day. Unless I’m looking for something specifically, or a good sale comes along and makes me go online shopping. So I have no idea if you will ever receive this. Or ever read it if it is received. Maybe you will notice it and just delete it entirely. Maybe you think it’s spam. I did give it a weird subject name... I’ll never know. That gives me a little bit of anxiety...but I hope this story book email finds its way to you and you read it. I can promise you one thing, it’s not what you think it’s about... and hopefully you find the time at some point to read it for what it’s worth not as a “how the fuck does this girl have my email now?”.... cause I truthfully don’t even know the answer to that lol. I’ve been to counseling a few times. I explained the anxiety I developed from being blocked. She told me to send a letter. I told her I don’t know your apartment number to mail it , and that you probably have nightmares of me showing up to your complex, and  that because of that reasons I wouldn’t drop it off in the mailbox myself lol.  She then suggested writing emails. She told me what I just said up there...I’ll never know if you get them or not. But it’s a good way for me to decompress my brain. So here’s my email!!  I’ve been doing really well! I want you to know ! I’m finally becoming happy again! I almost said becoming myself again... but it’s not again. It’s that I’m finally becoming myself ! I’ve been working on myself a lot. Ive reconnected with a lot of my old friends. People I always forgot to check in on regularly in the past year and a half. I felt really bad about it once I’d realized how much I distanced myself from such good people. At first it was like I was only coming back around because I was going through a hard time. I was really guilty for a while. Guilty in terms of that, in terms of blaming myself for why we ended.... But I’m so happy to be back in touch with everyone that I felt I had no time for before. I learned how to make time for everything and everyone important, not just one person important to me. I’m really excited about that.  I’ve even met a couple of new people who’s  company I enjoy a lot. This is huge for me, because meeting new people wasn’t ever something I was good at. I still live with danielle. I learned to sleep alone when she’s not here and to not check the door 8 times to make sure it’s locked. I learned to be alone, which is also something I was never good at. Oh, and my coolest update yet is that I started a blog! Dwight gave me the idea a while ago. He told me I should write a book lol. He told me my life is too entertaining right now, so I started a blog to share my craziness that I’m finally embracing. I don’t understand how blogs work or how people market for them. But I know I have one, and I know a lot of people found it in the past month, and a lot of people laugh because of it . I feel like I’m helping strangers a lot. They relate and laugh at my insane things and tricks I tried to play. But it’s also teaching them self control that I didn’t have.  It’s funny because it’s like I’m just this random typically emotionally unstable girl giving advice to strangers through a heartbreak and they love it... when in reality I shouldn’t be allowed to give advice to anyyyone and people should not want to listen to me lol. It’s so funny.  It’s like I’m low key famous. Maybe they’ll pay me soon. If they do I’ll be sure to thank you! It feels really good to be able to embrace my situation and find a way to take something I wasn’t originally happy with and make it something positive. While I have been doing well, I still have my lows. Sunday wasn’t a good day for me and neither was yesterday. It’s weird . It’s like the universe truly knows when you’re doing well... so something comes and punches you in the face real fucking hard to really see how well you’re TRULY doing. Life is just so many tests. Sunday morning I woke up to a text from Katie. She was out at Geronimos and saw you on a date. She told me she hated to be the bearer of bad news, but she thought I should know. I hate her for telling me that. I was doing so well moving on. I would have been so much better off not having any idea. It set me back. She told me you were laughing and having a great time... with a pretty girl. That you were very comfortable with her. I originally prayed it was Nicole. I wished it was you with your friend. Of course I asked. I didn’t want to assume you were on a date. I try to assume as little as possible and be as rational as I could be now. Most importantly I didn’t want to lose the self control I built while being blocked and text you losing my mind... especially if I was wrong.  But she said she was absolutely sure it wasn’t Nicole.  She said she saw you leaving holding hands with your new GIRLFRIEND. As soon as she mentioned holding hands... I knew what you did that night. I knew you weren’t just out with any random girl and holding hands... but Katie calling her your girlfriend pushed me over the edge. So I relapsed. I texted Nolan. I asked Dwight if he knew. And I tried to ask you myself. I know I didn’t need to ask you what I already knew the answer to. I knew it wasn’t my business anyway I unfortunately just had it dropped on me. I still don’t think Katie needed to tell me what she saw. But I don’t want you thinking I’m some stalker with eyes on you at all times. I’m sure that’s how you I assumed I knew... I wish Katie saw you and didn’t tell me about it. Id be doing a lot better without the setback. I know it’s been a few months. I know you did nothing wrong. I know you just moved on faster than I did. I’m not sure how to put the idea in your head since I don’t have the same effect on you that you had on me.  But try to picture someone you spent the past year and a half with and you personally wanted to spend another year and a half with and make better than the prior. Maybe your ex before me... And then picture them in bed with someone else what feels like so soon to you....The bed you used to lay in almost every night... but now they’re laying with someone else... being touched by someone else...Inside someone else. Remembering everything done between us.. knowing now someone else- someone maybe better... is doing that for you now. Knowing perfectly well, that once that happened... you cut all ties and all emotions with me. That you just didn’t care about me anymore. I was replaced . I get it, it’s part of life. But it cuts like a knife. Especially when you just started doing well... I know you think I’m crazy, but it is nothing but natural for that to eat at a person. It’s every ex’s worst nightmare. Are you in love again already? Was it a rebound without feelings? Was it the best you’ve ever had? ...hoping it was mediocre... but knowing it probably wasn't. Those aren’t Francesca’s crazy thoughts, those are a normal human beings thoughts. As I continue meeting new people, and pick my next person... those thoughts will eventually disappear. But Sunday, they were there.  So I am sorry for relapsing. No matter what pain it brought me, I know you weren’t happy with me, and I am happy as long as she is making you happy in the ways I never did. I was never mad. Throughout the time you’ve had me blocked, I finally came to my senses. I realized while I was in love with you, I too realized you weren’t the one for me. That doesn’t mean knowing you’re with someone else who maybe is your one doesn’t knock the wind out of me. Which is also normal. While I struggled at work for a bit while going through this, and tormented my team...I managed to get back on top of things. I missed top ABM in August by 1 point when things were real bad, solely because of my personal sales. So... in September I made sure to kill it and came through #1. So that was exciting. I’m going to 7c, which I wouldn’t call exciting but I’ll try to make the best of it on my new little island. It’s weird.For some reason, I thought when my email rolled, either for 7c or for top abm that you would text me calling a truce. Saying congrats ... hopefully you have some more self control now... let’s keep it civil. If not an unblock then I honestly expected an email from you. I just want you to know where I’m at right now, and not hearing from you through either of those moments hurt more than finding out you are with someone else... don’t get me wrong, I get it. You were loyal to me, and I’m sure your new girl doesn’t want you communicating to your ex in anyway. I wouldn’t want that either... but it really put me in my place that you really don’t care about me anymore. And that really hit me like a ton of bricks. After a whole year and a half of almost everyday spent together, you cut me off and moved on like I never even existed... it’s crazy because I know that tends to happen with some relationships. But I thought ours was different. While we didn’t work out, and weren’t meant to be together ... I thought we mutually still cared about eachother. I thought we still would wish eachother congrats when they were due...Dwight told me you arent unblocking me when I go to 7c. It’s so disappointing to know that after all we have been through together, that you have 0 intention to ever unblock and speak a word to me again... it’s hard to process how blindsighted I was.  I never thought you would want to delete me in ever humanly way possible. Its a lot to accept. Darren, I will probably always have some type of feelings for you... but I have realized that I too, am not in love with you anymore. I did think you were someone different, and while I know my personal mistakes I’ve realized a lot more flaws in you too. You aren’t who I thought you were... well maybe you are that person... just not with me. But I have no hard feelings. I still find it shocking for you to not care about me at all.... I know I became intensely frustrating, but we had a strong past... but I have no hard feelings. If you took the time to read this, I appreciate it . But at this point I want nothing more than to be civil professional acquaintances at work.  And I want to reassure you that can be a thing. I have said everything I could possibly think of here. If you read this and are thoughtful enough to just acknowledge to me that you got it , I would appreciate it. I don’t see you doing that either way, but that would be cool. I would love for you to comment on anyyy of what I said and have a civil conversation with me before seeing eachother at whatever work function.. just so it isnt tense . It’s time for me to act like an adult... thank you for maybe taking the time to read ?  I just want you to know.... I’m doing a lot better... Xo francesca 

[robustcornhusk]

i see both my psych and my therapist on friday, and this usually is a lot more helpful if i stop to think about how things are going beforehand.

spoilers: things are going mostly pretty decently! 

below here i talk about food and alcohol and drugs and family difficulties and money, but not in a particularly distressed way.

things going well:

i made an enormous <ruby><rb>relational database</rb><rt>spreadsheet</rt></ruby> of fun things to do while it’s the summer and we all really want to go do things and shared it with some friends and while no one immediately was super hyped, multiple people later came up to me and umprompted were like “the spreadsheet is really cool! i want to go do a bunch of things!”, and it resulted in people going to a museum, and corgicon, and a trip to the county fair, and and and, and it’s been helping me plan...

bike rides! on my oldnew roadbike! we can’t go camping as soon as i want to, but we’re doing a bunch of in-city rides in the mean time.

the cohuman is starting a new job next month! they are very excited about it, and i’m also very excited about it, because it is a job making the spreadsheets go better. moreover, it’s better in nearly every way from their current job and previous candidates: they will be paid better, the ?sales model? is one we’re more morally comfortable with, there’s been an abundance of indications that the people running the place are loaded with clues, the work is both more interesting and less frustrating, the workplace is even in a more convenient location... 

i solved a multi-year frustrating problem of “i can’t find any shirts that i don’t hate” by acknowledging that i fucking hate the feeling of knit t-shirts and i got some woven button shirts instead. they are a little tight in the shoulders, so i need to find some that really fit as opposed to mostly fit, but now i look Put Together even when i’m in shorts and the colors are good and i don’t feel like a gross sweaty mess when it’s hot because woven fabric handles heat so much better than fucking knit cotton(-poly blend). since getting them, people have stopped me in the street to compliment me on my appearance. (this happened before, too, but there’s been an uptick).

i have played a bunch of video games, which i think for most people is not necessarily a good sign, but for me it is definitely. when i am utterly miserable, i do not play any. when i am fine, sometimes i am not playing any either, but it’s definitely a thing that for me correlates with “feeling good” and to some extent i believe is a causative thing. (the background anxiety machine instead of focusing on the world is awful focuses on well, if i try this level like that or what about that combination of moves...) 

i even want to read fiction, which hasn’t been the case for a while, though that one i have to be careful with; if i read the wrong sort of things i get a mood drop for a few days after (see especially Blindsight). i also am completely powerless to stop reading once i start something (to the detriment of sleeping and eating). so it’s good that i read fast, but ...

i saw a parent last week and after they kept asking me to speak to (relative) i said that i really wasn’t interested in talking to (relative) on account of that person being a jerk and parent only took a minute to accept that and seems to have totally backed off. 

things not going well, but maybe not bad:

i’ve completely dropped climbing on the floor. in part because the last few times i went my hands hurt in a way that indicated that maybe the Minor Tendon Injury wasn’t totally better, but in part because... i just haven’t gone.

i need to remember that it’s very suddenly much easier for me to get there, since i have not-very-valuable road bike now that i can lock up outside in the copious, heavily-used, probably-actually-very-safe bike racks. i have locking skewers in my tires, and i could get a matching seatpost one, which might be a good idea (or get a permanently attached chain). i have better shoes now, so i don’t need to worry about (unexpectedly) slipping off the damn wall the way i used to worry. i do need to solve ‘clothes’, because i think one of the reasons i hesitate to go is that i don’t know what to wear to not stand out. in the winter it’s okay to climb in jeans, but it’s too hot with summer approaching, i think? and people don’t seem to wear shorts while bouldering; i’m not sure if it’s that i’m actually just seeing the work-break daytime crowd who go in street clothes, or if shorts really do stand out.

i do need to remember to not overdo it, and it’s hard at times. what happened in december was definitely that i started going too long and too frequently. i’ll just do one really long session at the big bouldering gym, i said, and climbed to exhaustion, and then i had to drop it for months because i’d fucked up a tendon.

i have not entirely dropped japanese on the floor; i think i’ve done reviews every day for the last month. just. not many of them. like 10-20 a day. i’m abstractly okay with just doing reviews all summer and no additions, because there’s so much fun stuff to do and also because i know i’ll get agitated if i plan to do X additions per day and get off from that because i’m doing fun stuff 3 days a week and so on. 

but i’m still not reconciled to choosing either one of (delay travel to japan until i’m good enough) or (go to japan without being good enough). i’ve been before! while being bad at language! it’s gone fine! but the first was in the high school when i was not a ball of anxiety and the second was with some friends who did a lot of the planning so i knew i could just go along for the ride when i was too stressed to words. and this time is potentially just me and the cohuman, who doesn’t know much, and i really want to go to places outside of tokyo (hokkaido! hokkaido!) where i don’t know that i can rely as much on Ambient Background English.

i’d like to sew a couple of things, but i’m putting it off because ... in part because i’ll bit off more than i can chew, in part because it takes up so much space, in part because the last project bit me, in part because i don’t want to have to iron a bunch of shit on my shitty mini tabletop ironing board. 

i do have a fairly easy project i could do (make an enormous bag for picking up farmer’s market stuff in) without much materials expenditure (i’d need some canvas for the handles and some interfacing, but i have the Cute Thematic Fabric for the outside leftover from last one), so maybe i should just get the damn ironing board. at worst, i can keep it under my bed.

i definitely was overdoing it in the kitchen for a few weeks, and i’ve scaled back a bit in the last month. i think overall, it’s gone well? i’m mad because last night i made a really mediocre dinner: the kale was weird, the broccoli was buggy, the kohlrabi was unevenly cooked, the sauce was meh, i screwed up the timing .... we burned the rhubarb crisp we made this weekend (it was still really good, though), it took an hour to make some cookies (they were incredible though).

the cooking spreadsheet is really useful. this year i’m doing a much better job of finding good and simple food to make with things, so i can divide up my energy in an efficient way. 

we went to a cocktail ... not demonstration, but talk? a person had written a book about cocktails? a couple of weeks ago, and we got their book, and we’ve been making a bunch of them; at least 12 separate recipes out of the ~100 or so in the book. It’s a lot of fun, because it’s a very high effort-to-reward ratio (10-15 minutes of effort results in like 8 people being very happy with me; a lot of flavors i don’t get to use a lot of when cooking or baking)... but i’m approaching a point where, from the standpoint of equipment and ingredients, i either need to cool my jets a bit or swallow some startup costs: glassware (other than chipped to hell water glasses), better tools and equipment (a better shaker, a citrus squeezer that doesn’t spray lemon juice everywhere except the measuring cup), storage vessels (a fourth the fridge is occupied with shrubs and infused syrups and herbs all in too-big mason jars...). 

also like, i love shrubs, and they give me heartburn, because i am apparently old. last summer, when i got started making them, i drank an undiluted 8oz glass of strawberry shrub, because it was delicious, and i thought i was going to die.

the cooking and the cocktailing have led to higher than usual grocery bills, but we’re tracking everything pretty closely: it’s not getting in the way of capital-s Savings, of things we need, even of things we just want. it seems to have just pulled from other hobby-type activities, which makes sense.

[as an aside, and i’m only partially joking, i strongly recommend that the autistic person in a relationship set up the budget; i had a great time doing that last year. the cohuman handed me information on income, and i spent three or so setting up ynab: figuring out all the possible expenditure categories, figuring out how much and how often we’d spend from each, allocating money... and we’ve had to tweak it since then, of course, but also i believe my assumptions and numbers were astoundingly accurate. at one point the cohuman said “we need to move X dollars per month to this other category, what do we do” and i said “that’s easy! that’s painless! we just need to change our running route once a week” and I was right.]

hmm:

at last psych appointment i said that the cohuman had noticed me being sorta off for the week prior; i was getting stuff done during the day, but not as much as i was really wanting to, even on things i was really interested in and pursuing because i wanted to!, and then i was agitated in the evening and couldn’t focus even on easy, fun, light things. 

and then went hmm, and because it was a short trend and i’d said i was backing off of stuff, and because i think i seemed pretty normal at the time: not the super fast speech i get when anxious, not completely taciturn, it was decided to wait and see. i think, i don’t remember the whole conversation.

and then i utterly crashed the next monday. and i’d halfway decrashed by friday, which is why i didn’t bother trying to get an earlier appointment or anything, and with regard to magnitude, i’ve by now completely recovered to baseline, but i’ve changed direction.

all my interests have been the exact same for like ... 15 years. like. yep. i’ve over and over again been interested in: food & cooking & collecting cookbooks, sewing & fashion, learning japanese, interior design and how people use spaces, cats!!!, biking... bouldering doesn’t feel as intense as the other ones, but i think just because there’s less to spreadsheet about with it, and general-you inevitably get injured if you go too hard too soon. 

but they come and go in cycles, and the cyclic nature is at times very unpleasant. being dumped from “fuck yeah, biking! touring! let’s ride for thousands of miles!” to “I haven’t touched a bike in 6 months except to move it out of the way” sucked. 

...

even without “i can use these interests to find new things to be into”, like getting into camping as a way to go on longer bike rides, that’s a pretty okay list of interests. there’s what i see as a hospitality cluster (food, interior design, sewing, cat), a health cluster (food, biking, bouldering), travel (biking, japanese). it might not be the most, ... what’s the word i’m looking for? broadly intellectually stimulating?

digression: i saw, somewhere, someone say: if you’re trying to have people think positively of you, and you decide a good way to go about this is by being smart, that’s all well and good; but if the result of this is that people feel stupid around you, then you’ve made a mistake. if you want people to think positively of you for being smart, you’ve make it easy for them to think well of themselves afterwards, too; you can’t just look down on them.

...

previously, somewhere, described my aspiration as this: I want to be an enzyme. I want to be a thing that, just by being around, makes it easy for reactions to happen. 

and what i think that looks like, in part, is making it easy to be around me. hospitality, i guess.

[roguishdm1]

I gave my all in my marriage. That's just who I am. I love completely and I can't even find enjoyment unless I know my other half is also happy. I spent most of a decade only thinking about that one person and thinking that it would last until death.

So it blindsighted me when she said I wasn't making her happy. It completely threw me when just a little before Halloween this year, I was given a time limit on my marriage if I couldn't shape up my act. The act I didn't realise was not good enough. Especially considering the context.

I work really hard at jobs I hate because they pay well and when you have 2 kids, a cat and dog, and the 2 adults in the house, you need a good paying job. I spent 4 years working customer service for a bank that sucked the soul out of me and when I had a mental breakdown and just walked out one day, I knew I needed a new job. So I started working in civil engineering. The job is good, but I'm gone for pretty much the whole summer. During the off season, I collect unemployment.

When I say I love my wife, I mean the deep love. Everything I do is for her. When I go to the store, i would always bring back a little treat for her. I wake up with the kids most days to try and let her get more sleep. I admit, we don't go out very often, but I try really hard to consider her preferences before making plans. I know all of her quirks and nuisances and I always think of her first.

I know my way around the bedroom, and if she isn't enjoying it neither am I so I tried to let her get off more than myself. I have a massive sex drive, so even if I don't get off, instead of forcing myself on her when she's clearly done, I would finish in the bathroom if I had to.

I'll be honest, the depression I've been fighting most my life was bad, and for years I left it untreated. This left me emotionally unavailable for a long time. I started taking meds because of the ultimatum presented, because even through my total apathy and uncertainty about what to do with my life, I was adamant that I love my wife and would do anything to improve my marriage.

After a solid month of stepping up my game; random dates, extra attention, therapy to improve myself for her, medication for my depression.... things seemed like they were going better at first, but after a while I realized something was still wrong. I confronted her and demanded to know if she still even cared or if she had checked out.

I told her that if she was willing to try then I would continue to as well, but needed to know if it was a lost cause because I wasn't going to waste my time if so. She decided to call it.

I was broken. The woman I had pledged myself to and had given my every thought towards, is done. We decided to try and keep up a facade for the kids until after the holidays. That night she decided to stay at a friend's house to give me time to process my grief, she still cared for me as a friend. She has so many friends, guy and girl, I didn't think about it at the time.

Come to the night before thanksgiving and we're talking about events and how we feel, I had spent a few days feeling terrible but was feeling like it could be ok. We've always been open and honest with each other so talking about getting back into the single pool came up. I figured that it would be a month or 2 before either of us got anywhere in that area.

Turned out, she had already had sex with a friend of ours, twice. IT HAD BEEN 3 DAYS SINCE WE CALLED IT! She initially claimed that it was a spur of the moment event the first time, which I could have been okay with, but the second time was a choice. That choice is acknowledgment of feelings you had beforehand! The proper choice would have been to discourage advances the second time AS YOU HAD JUST SEPARATED FROM YOUR HUSBAND A FEW DAYS AGO!

This revelation drove me out of my depression over a lost love, INTO A FURY OVER A WIFE WHO HAD FEELINGS FOR ANOTHER MAN NEARLY IMMEDIATELY AFTER SEPARATING! that would mean she was feeling these emotions before and only felt okay in acting on them after calling it quits on an 8 year relationship. Safe to say, I refused to go to thanksgiving dinner with her to her parents.

I tried to put a mask over my emotions afterwards. I still have to deal with her when dealing with children. So civility is necessary. However, she soon decided that she wanted to spend more time with her new boy toy. My feelings haven't changed. I'm still royally pissed and feel betrayed. Recently, I decided that I couldn't have the kids stay with me due to the rage that is my broken soul. I would never hurt them, but I caught myself releasing my anger at their mother onto them.

Considering I had grown up with a nasty divorce between my mom and dad, I wasn't willing to put my kids through that. So they moved in with their mom. Over at boy toy's. Ive gotten really good at masking my emotions over the years, but i need to vent here. I'm honestly dumbfounded as to why she has decided to call it. I've always been faithful, I work hard, I loved deeply, I'm a good dad and caring husband, I spoiled her, the sex was more than she could handle... I honestly don't know where I went wrong.

And that is the most soul shattering, confidence crushing, trust breaking thing I've ever had to deal with. I've been looking at getting back into the single pool again, but I'm not sure how I'll bring myself to ever trust like I had, ever again.

[feliciasink]

The Sunday Post is a weekly meme originally from Caffeinated Book Reviewer. It’s a chance to share News. A post to recap the past week, showcase books and things I have received and share news about what is coming up for the week on my blog.

I so forgot my Sunday Post last week, so I’ve combined the two as one big one. Not much exciting has happened these past two weeks. Been tired a lot lately, especially the last few days. My bf has a kind of flu thingy and gets a weird sleep cycle because of it, which results in screwing up my sleep as well… Feel like I could sleep for two days straight and still not have enough sleep… Fell asleep on the couch at least four times in the last few days… One at night and most during the days, watching a movie or episode… Maybe it’s also the winter coming down at my energy levels… It’s cold, sad weather and not much to do… And especially with him having the flu, it means I can’t do a lot – besides reading, sleeping, eating, cooking, blogging or watching an episode or movie – I know you need your rest when not feeling well, so I won’t bother him with too much noise and stuff… But it’s gets kinda boring after a few days… In combination with my sleepiness, it makes me less motivated to watch or read anything.. So it get’s real boring.. Hope he feels better soon and I feel more energetic again… Gotta work out tomorrow again, prepare for my first Taekwondo exam on February 3rd!!

One exciting thing that did happen was discussing out holiday. It’s becoming more permanently set and booked =]=]=]=]=] I so wanna go to Orlando and Harry Potter’s Wizarding World…. Biggest issue is saving money to spend there hahahahaha

Big thingy did happen on the blog…. I WROTE/PUBLISHED/ MY FIRST REVIEW IN THREE MONTHS AGAIN!!!!!

This weeks posts:

What about that bookchallenge 2016 + goal 2017.

December Wrap-Up + January TBR.

The Backlist Reader Challenge 2017.

TTT#19 Top Ten 2017 Debuts I’m Excited For.

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them Awesomeness!!

TTT#20 Top Ten 2016 Releases I Meant To Read But Didn’t Get To (But TOTALLY plan to).

#72 The Diabolic.  <<<<<————- !!!!!!!!!!!

  Coming next week:

TTT#21 Ten Underrated/Hidden Gem Books I’ve Read In The Past Year Or So (up to you if you want it to be those published in the past year or so or just ANY underrated book you’ve read recently).

Tv Thursday #7. Week 3 [need some motivation there too, don’t want to let you guys down…]

Maybe some reviews =]

So in the last two weeks I’ve had a great start of this year’s Goodreads Reading Challenge 2017. I’ve finished Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I’ve read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, Quidditch Through the Ages, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them all by J.K. Rowling and The Diabolic by S.J. Kincaid.

I’m currently reading Breath of Fire by Amanda Bouchet [Kingmaker Chronicles #2] as a NetGalley review, Tales of Beedle the Bard by J.K. Rowling and Snow Like Ashes by Sara Raasch. After Breath of Fire I’ll start reading Halfway Bitten by Terry Maggert and/or The Gender Secret by Bella Forrest. After Snow Like Ashes I’ll start Carve the Mark by Veronica Roth. That beautiful hardcover will arrive this Tuesday and so I hope I’ve finished reading Snow Like Ashes before it arrives =]

So these two weeks I watched A LOT of episodes… If you’ve noticed a weird watching order with bones that’s true nothing is weird there… Apart from the fact that the first two episodes of Season 4 were a double episode and my streamer made episode 1 episode 1&2 and made episode 2 number 3 and so on… So I got confused in the episode titles and figured it out after watching episode 8 hahaha… A bit late, I know but I’ve watched the missing episode after all…

My bf finally wants to watch series again during dinner – instead of brain-dead comedy central re-runs – and now we’re watching Modern Family S8. We’ve watched How I Met You Mother as our dinner series before Modern Family and You’re the Worst will probably be our next. We also watch a few others together, but mostly they wait a long time because of the snack series [HIMYM and Modern Family, eps of 20-23 minutes instead of at least 40 minutes an episode]. Those are Gotham, Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. and Scorpion. The rest of the shows can’t be watched together because of work, our preferences in watching series and our progress if watching the same series.. haha we love a lot of the same things, but in some series I’m ahead of him and some he’s ahead of me.. So we watch together separately mostly lol.

Monday Jan 2, Charmed S4E18: Bite Me

Thursday Jan 5, Charmed S4E19: We’re Off to See the Wizard

Friday Jan 6, Charmed S4E20: Long Live the Queen

Saturday Jan 7, Charmed S4E21: Womb Raider

Saturday Jan 7, Charmed S4E22: Witch Way Now?

Saturday Jan 7, Bones S4E1: Yanks in the U.K. (1)

Saturday Jan 7, Bones S4E2: Yanks in the U.K. (2)

Sunday Jan 8, Bones S4E4: The Finger in the Nest

Monday Jan 9, Bones S4E5: The Perfect Pieces in the Purple Pond

Monday Jan 9, Bones S4E6: The Crank in the Shaft

Tuesday Jan 10, Bones S4E7: The He in the She

Tuesday Jan 10, Bones S4E8: The Skull in the Sculpture

Tuesday Jan 10, Bones S4E3: The Man in the Outhouse

Tuesday Jan 10, Bones S4E9: The Con Man in the Meth Lab

Thursday Jan 12, Bones S4E10: The Passenger in the Oven

Thursday Jan 12, Bones S4E11: The Bone That Blew

Friday Jan 13, Bones S4E12: The Double Trouble in the Panhandle

Friday Jan 13, Bones S4E13: The Fire in the Ice

Friday Jan 13, Bones S4E14: The Hero in the Hold

Friday Jan 13, Bones S4E15: The Princess and the Pear

Friday Jan 13, Bones S4E16: The Bones That Foam

Friday Jan 13, Bones S4E17: The Salt in the Wounds

Friday Jan 13, Bones S4E18: The Doctor in the Den

Friday Jan 13, Bones S4E19: The Science in the Physicist

Friday Jan 13, Bones S4E20: The Cinderella in the Cardboard

Friday Jan 13, Bones S4E21: Mayem on a Cross

Saturday Jan 14, Bones S4E22: The Double Death of the Dearly Departed

Saturday Jan 14, Bones S4E23: The Girl in the Mask

Saturday Jan 14, Bones S4E24: The Beaver in the Otter

Saturday Jan 14, Bones S4E25: The Critic in the Cabernet

Saturday Jan 14, Bones S4E26: The End in the Beginning

Saturday Jan 14, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow S1E1: Pilot (1)

Saturday Jan 14, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow S1E2: Pilot (2)

Sunday Jan 15, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow S1E3: Blood Ties

Sunday Jan 15, DC’s Legends of Tomorrow S1E4: White Knights

Movies:

Sunday Jan 15, Star Trek: The Motion Picture (1979)

With the boyfriend:

Tuesday Jan 3, Mars S1E4: Power

Wednesday Jan 4, Mars S1E5: Darkest Days

Wednesday Jan 4, Mars S1E6: Crossroads

Friday Jan 6, Modern Family S8E1: The Tale of Three Cities

Thursday Jan 12, Modern Family S8E2: A Stereotypical Day

Friday Jan 13, Modern Family S8E3: Blindsighted

Saturday Jan 14, Modern Family S8E4: Weathering Heights

Sunday Jan 15, Modern Family S8E5: Halloween 4: The Revenge of Rod Skyhook

#2016bestnine

A photo posted by Felicia (@felicias.ink) on Jan 2, 2017 at 5:54am PST

When you were being cheeky and asked if you could have them after the movie leaves the movie theatre. When you hear you can take them now and the lady helps you get them down. When this happens, I'm a very, very, very happy girl😍😁 • #fantasticbeasts #fantasticbeastsandwheretofindthem #fangirl #fandom #luckygirl #happygirl #newtscamander #queeniegoldstein #tinagoldstein #jacobkowalski #nomaj #happy #fangirling #movietheatre

A photo posted by Felicia (@felicias.ink) on Jan 4, 2017 at 7:18am PST

Getting my geek up again🖖🏼 first time entering the Star Trek universe in chronological order. Awesome to see what they could already do in the 70s. And such a young Shatner haha. And what a difference in voice volume and effects. • #startrek #startrekuniverse #startrekthemotionpicture #startrek1979 #mrspock #🖖🏼 #captainkirk #geek #geekgirl #geeky #nerdy #nerdygirl #geekygirl

A photo posted by Felicia (@felicias.ink) on Jan 15, 2017 at 11:22am PST

In case you’ve missed these:

#72 The Diabolic.

TTT#20 Top Ten 2016 Releases I Meant To Read But Didn’t Get To (But TOTALLY plan to).

Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them Awesomeness!!

TTT#19 Top Ten 2017 Debuts I’m Excited For.

The Backlist Reader Challenge 2017.

Sunday Post #23 & #24. January 8 & 15 The Sunday Post is a weekly meme originally from Caffeinated Book Reviewer. It’s a chance to share News.