#I’ve already seen a few spoilers on tumblr

[mushramoo]

I know u guys are excited abt the movie but I am BEGGING YOU to tag spoilers, I wasn’t able to see it because my fuckin car’s tire decided to fly off on my way there and I really don’t wanna be spoiled 😭😭😭

[musings-of-a-rose]

Marcus

Pairing: Marcus (Pike, Moreno, Acacius) x f!reader

Word Count: 6900+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: I saw a post from @pimosworld innocently asking for a Marcus bachlorette style fic and, while this isn't exactly right, this is what my brain came up with. Shoutout to @mermaidxatxheart for listening to me ramble and helping me, as well as @vanemando15 for being a cheerleader!

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**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Marcus Moreno Masterlist

Marcus Pike Masterlist

Marcus Acacius Masterlist

“Thanks for coming to Level Up Comics!” I smile at the customer as I hand them their bag, a quiet grunt all I get in return before they head out the door, the little bell jingling with their exit. I stretch, walking around from behind the counter and heading back towards the display case where several boxes sit in front, unopened figurines and collectibles pouring from them. My family and friends thought I was crazy for opening a physical media store in this age of digital products. They said no one would come in let alone want to actually buy “this crap.”

But here I am, a few years after opening, and I’m doing pretty good for myself. There are still collectors out there who want their favorites in case something happens to their files. They want the figurines from the original manufacturers, rather than printing them themselves. I can’t blame them. There’s something different, something magical about reading the printed word, having a figure of your favorite character that was made decades ago by something other than a 3D printer in someone’s basement.

The bell jingles and I yell out a greeting, shoving a few more figures in the back of the case before standing and turning, a pair of dark brown eyes meeting mine. I can already feel the smile on my face. 

“Hi, Marcus!” Shit, was that too enthusiastic? If it is, he doesn’t let on, his own smile shyly spreading across his face. “How…how are you?”

He rubs the back of his neck with his large hand, his eyes darting away from mine. “I’m..I’m good. You?”

“Good. That’s good. I mean, I’m good. Good. It’s all…good.” What the fuck?

He chuckles lightly, looking anywhere but at me. “Good.”

We’re both silent for several moments. He’s so hot. Way out of my league hot. And the weird thing is, I don’t even think he realizes just how attractive he is. 

“Did my back issue of X-Men come in?”

“Oh!” I slap my forehead. “I almost forgot! Yes. Let me get that for you.” Trying desperately to hide the heat in my cheeks, I quickly walk around the counter, kneeling to sift through the special order pile. 

“You got more figures in?”

“Yeah,” I yell from my crouched position. “There’s a few bins in the back I haven’t emptied yet. Feel free to have a look!” 

“Thanks.” I hear him shuffle off towards the back of the shop just as I locate his order. The door bell dings again and I stand, smoothing down my jeans. A man stands at the counter, his bright blue eyes roaming up and down my body before her plasters on the most ingenuine smile I’ve ever seen. 

“Hi. How can I help you?” I ask him as I place Marcus’s order on the counter.

 “Hi beautiful. I’m looking for a comic.”

I internally sigh. I already know where this is going. It happens several times a week.

“Well you’ve come to the right shop. What are you looking for?”

He chuckles, intending to be endearing. It isn’t. “I’m looking for a very specific issue of Hawkeye. You know who that is?”

Seriously? “I am very familiar with Hawkeye. Are you?”

He scoffs. “Haha. You’re a funny, pretty thing. Anyway, I’m looking for a specific run of his. Do you know what that means?”

Anger surges through me and I grip the desk to ground myself. Out of the corner of my eye I see Marcus at the back of the store, standing and turning towards us but not moving. He’s even hot in my peripheral. 

“Which run are you looking for? Or are you wanting a recommendation?”

He laughs, the vile sound of it echoing off the walls. “A recommendation? From you? What would you know? You’re just a pretty little girl.”

A clunk from the back of the store and I see Marcus trip over one of the boxes. He doesn’t go down, but turns to fix the boxes that he’s kicked over. The man in front of me is unphased, his eyes still on me, an amused smile tugging at his lips.

“Well?” He spits out. 

I look at him, giving him a smile. “Well, if you’re asking me personally, my favorite run is the Matt Fraction run. Not only because of his artistic style and great story, but the fact that they weaved in Clint’s deafness, drawing him wearing his hearing aids, and even doing an entire issue completely in American Sign Language. A great story and representation of a marginalized community from, in my opinion, one of the best and most relatable Avengers. Now, would you like the individual issues, an omnibus, or the digital version?”

The smug smile slowly fades from his face, his eyes hardening. “You don’t have to be such a bitch.”

“I do when customers act like a bitch.” 

He grabs the fliers on the counter and throws them at me, turning towards the door. “Fuck you and this place!” He tries to slam the door behind him but he fumbles with the handle, flipping me off one final time before disappearing around the corner. 

I sigh, bending down to pick up the fliers. A hand reaches out, large and inviting, carefully helping me pick up the scattered papers. I look up at him, at Marcus, sweet Marcus. Who had heard all of that. 

“I’m sorry Marcus. I shouldn’t have lost my cool.”

He hands me the small stack he’s collected, meeting my gaze. “You don’t have to apologize for standing up to a sexist asshole. I should be the one who’s sorry.”

I combine our stacks, both of us standing as I tap them on the counter to even them out. “Why should you apologize?”

“I should’ve come to help,” he rubs the back of his neck, his ear turning slightly pink. 

I shake my head. “No, Marcus don’t worry about it. I get assholes like that all the time. Really, it’s ok.”

He shakes his head. “It’s really not-”

To my own surprise, I reach out and squeeze his arm. “Really, I’m ok. Thank you, Marcus.”

He smiles at me, opening his mouth to say something, but his phone rings from inside his pocket. “Sorry. Sorry.” He pulls it out, tapping on the clear screen only he can see. “Shit. I have to take this. Work. You sure you’re ok?”

I smile, trying not to show my sadness at his leaving. “I am. Hope everything’s ok at work.”

“Thanks. I’ll uh…see you around.” His eyebrows pull together as his phone rings again, his eyes moving down to the screen before he turns around and heads out the door, pausing to give me a wave through the window before he disappears into the crowd. 

I’ll never meet a man owning this shop. They’re either assholes, taken, or hopelessly out of my league. My own phone beeps and I pull it out, scanning the clear screen with my reservation confirmation. I tap the confirm button, nerves flooding my system. 

I can’t believe I signed up for a virtual version of the bachelorette.

—----

I closed the shop early and rushed home to get ready for that night. I arrive promptly at 7pm as they requested, the giant VIRTUAL LIFE logo on the side of the building bathing the sidewalk in bright blue light. I take a deep breath and walk inside, the door disappearing momentarily to let me in before reappearing behind me. The front desk assistant guides me to a row of elevators and instructs me to head to floor 28. I’m the only one in the elevator, the lights illuminating each floor as we pass it. The elevator stops and the doors open to a small waiting room, black leather couches and chairs surround a coffee table with several tablets, each loaded with some form of entertainment. While it looks like there are windows, if you look closely, you can tell they’re simulated, trying to grant us as much privacy as possible. Although, I think it may be more about guarding their own technology secrets. 

“Ivy?” a woman calls my name from the only doorway in the room aside from the elevator. I nod, standing and smoothing down my dress. 

“That’s me.”

“Right this way.” She leads me into another small office, a simple desk with a single chair for me to sit in. She sits opposite me at the desk, tapping in mid air at what I’m assuming is the computer screen in front of her. 

“Ivy it says here you signed up for the bachelorette program to meet a compatible mate. Is that correct?”

Swallowing down my embarrassment, I nod. “Y-yeah.”

She taps a few more things. “Great. Do you know how this works?”

“You guys take a picture of my brain and show me a story?”

She chuckles, the first time her professional demeanor has broken. “Almost but not quite. After we’re done here, you will be taken to the simulation room. You’ve already done your physical-”

“Yeah. They had me put on this suit and they captured the way I moved. Motion capture, I think?”

She nods. “Yes that’s it exactly. This way, your avatar inside your world will move like you. It helps with immersion.” I nod. “They also completed your brain scan to find the most viable dates and look of mate that you are searching for. You indicated you’re looking for a male mate, is that correct?”

I nod. “Yeah. Yes.”

She nods. “Alright. If you’ll go through the door, someone in scanning will take you. Good luck!” She gestures to a door on the opposite wall from where we entered. I go through the door and another woman greats me, leading me to chair where she has me sit and get comfortable. It reminds me of what the dentist chairs used to look like except way more comfortable. She turns to me, holding a helmet with different little lights on it. 

“Any questions?”

“Yeah. So what will he..I mean, how will I know who he is?”

“You will just know. Sort of like in a regular video game, where you can tell who is important to talk to.”

“Ok..but…will he look like him or?”

That’s reassuring. But then she interrupts my thoughts. “Don’t forget, he will be there too also looking for you.”

She shakes her head. “Your algorithm took in your scan and will give him the appearance of someone you find appealing or comforting. We’ve found it’s easier to accept someone if they have an outward appearance you’re already familiar with.”

“So you base connections on personality as opposed to looks?”

She nods. “Those relationships have the highest success rate, so yes.”

“And after, will you show me who he is?”

She nods. “In the simulation, you’ll go on 3 dates. They may be something as simple as communicating in an office to being a superhero or even traveling back in time. The algorithm takes both of your likes, dislikes, and desires and places you in situations. The more you play along and immerse yourself, or yourselves, into the simulation, the better the outcome, meaning a closer connection. And don’t worry - you cannot be physically harmed. And if it’s too much or you want to stop, you only need to say “End simulation”. Please be aware that time may pass differently in the simulation, but you will only be in for an hour. After, you will both meet here, in reality, and can determine whether you’d like to continue with a relationship or not. Any more questions?”

I shake my head. “I don’t think so. Not at the moment, anyway.”

She places the helmet on my head, the nodes all changing different colors as it comes in contact with me. She squeezes my shoulder and I look up at her. “Just relax and try to go with the theme. It’s more fun that way, ok?”

I nod, wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. “Yeah. Makes sense.”

“Good luck!” She taps a button on her clear screen and my vision fades to black so just a couple of seconds. But then I’m blinking awake, the tips of my fingers tingling and my toes feeling like they just woke up. My vision starts to clear and the room comes into focus. I’m sitting at a bar, a fancier bar, which explains the nice dress. As my hearing levels out, I realize that the blonde man to my right is talking to me, his body shifted in my direction. His grey eyes are slightly unsettling. This can’t be my mate, can it? 

“...and so I had them fired! Can you imagine? I asked for my steak to be medium and they brought it out medium well. That will teach that guy to listen to the customer at his next job.” Grey Eyes chuckles and takes a sip of the drink in front of him. He nods towards the glass in front of me. “Do you want another?”

“What? Oh, uh sure.” 

He flags the bartender down and orders a rum and coke before making a show of leaning on his beefy arm against the bar. “I’m glad you finally saw reason and agreed to come out with me tonight.”

I give him a small smile. “Yeah. Same here.” This doesn’t feel right. Maybe they got it wrong? Someone bumps into me from behind and grey eyes catches me, glaring at the person who bumped me, who had moved on. 

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah. It’ll take more than a drunk asshole to bring me down.” Grey Eyes laughs, picking up his glass and holding it up towards me. “I’ll drink to that.” I glance down to grab my drink, only to find it wasn’t there. I look back at Grey Eyes and see him frozen in place, the smirk on his face completely gone, his glass shaking as he continues to hold it in mid air. My glass appears next to his, lightly clicking against his glass. 

“Now that’s not very nice.” That voice. I would know his voice anywhere. My entire body relaxes as I turn to look into the dark brown eyes that I love so much.

“Marcus!” I exclaim, ignoring the vein in grey eye’s neck that’s threatening to pop. Marcus on the other hand, looks good. I mean, he always looks good to me but he’s dressed in nice black pants and a light blue button up shirt with matching black jacket. I’m not sure how a blue shirt makes his brown eyes pop, but it does. Marcus pushes his black frames up his nose.

“Hey, Ivy. Sorry to interrupt your date, but this not so kind gentlemen put a little something in your drink.”

“He what?” I blink rapidly a few times, trying to pry my eyes away from him. Grey Eyes vein relaxes somewhat and he sputters out.

“Fuck you man! We’re on a date! What….what are you doing to me?”

Marcus shrugs. “Well, you wanted to make it so she can’t move. Only fair if I return the favor.” 

Grey Eyes goes to say something else, but then seems to recognize the man standing next to me, his eyes going wide.

“Aren’t you the guy that can move metal?”

My eyes snap to Marcus, who is smiling. “I see I have a fan.”

Grey Eyes tries to backtrack. “Listen, man. I’m sorry. I was just trying to get her to loosen up a bit. Have some fun.”

Marcus looks at me, his brown eyes wide and smiling. “Ivy, do you wish to continue your date with this man?”

“Nope.” I pop the “p” sound at the end of the word. “Little hard to have fun when my date is trying to render me unconscious.”

Marcus waves the bartender over. “Call the police. This man is in possession of Freeze Me.”

 A handful of what felt like seconds later, several officers show up and arrest Grey Eyes, who barely puts up a struggle. I turn towards Marcus, my smile stretching my face as I grab his arm. “My hero.”

His eyes dart around the room, his arm coming up to rub at the back of his neck. “It was nothing.”

Gosh he’s so cute when he does that neck rub thing. Wait. Gotta play along. 

“Is Marcus the Metal Bender actually acting shy around me?”

He chuckles nervously and I think how perfect they coded him. Like he was picked out of my brain. Which I guess he was. 

“Just trying to be respectful.”

I wish he wouldn’t. Wait, are we even allowed to have sex in here? Wow, getting ahead of yourself there, Ivy.

“Youwannagetoutofhere?” He speaks so fast it all comes out in a jumble and I cock my head to the side. 

“What?”

He swallows hard and I can’t help but watch his Adam’s apple bob in his throat. “Do you want to get out of here?”

“Hell yeah I do.” 

—-

It’s a few weeks later, or at least it feels like some time has passed. That lady did say time passes differently here. Now I’m in an office building, a stack of files in my arms, walking down the hall. A quick glance around tells me I’m in the Heroics head quarters. Marcus appears from around the corner and looks up at me, smiling and walking towards me. But then a man in a much too tight blue suit with a glowing M on it joins him, Marcus’s shoulders sagging slightly as he gives me a sad little wave.

“When are you two going to go on a date already?” A woman with bright pink hair appears next to me. 

“I uh, me?”

She slaps my shoulder. “Yes, you Ivy.” She leans in closer to my ear. “Aren’t you the one who confessed to having a crush on our heroic leader?”

I will the heat rising in my face to not show. “Oh, I uh..I-”

“You know he likes you too.” Her jaw drops when she sees the confused look on my face. “Oh don’t tell me you can’t tell! That man can hardly look at you and he’s taken down alien forces by just staring at them.”

She feels like a close friend so I go with it. “Yeah, ok I like him. Keep your voice down, will you?” She continues walking with me to the end of the hall where I deposit the stack of files into several slots, each one making a small whoosh sound as they’re whisked away to their destinations.

When I’m done, Pink Hair gently grabs my face and turns me to her. “I love you, Ivy. You know you’re like the sister I never had. So please listen to me when I say ask that man out before something happens and you regret not ever trying.”

Well fuck. That is…really spot on to reality isn’t it? 

I never get a chance to answer her as the entire building suddenly shakes, alarms and lights screeching and illuminating the halls. One of the tall filing cabinets starts to topple in my direction and I can only look on in horror, frozen in place by the rumbling building. I throw my hands up, as if that’s going to stop it, but nothing happens. The cabinet is laid gently on its side, floating to the ground. 

“Come on!” I look up into those dark eyes, Marcus extending his hand to me and helping me to my feet. “We have to get out of here!” He tightens his grip and somehow leads us out of the chaotic building out into the streets. Which is also nuts. People are running everywhere and…wait. Is that an alien spaceship coming towards us??

Marcus pulls me behind a wall, glancing around it and waving hand signals to a small group of heroes across the street behind another wall, Pink Hair amongst them. He turns back to me, his face full of worry as he starts to take his shirt off, exposing…not skin but a uniform? No. His hero costume, which is a black shirt,and arm bands. He sees me staring down and he shrugs. “I normally have a tach vest but we’re out of time.” 

“Should you not go out there without one?”

Marcus shakes his head. “I have to support my team. And I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you safe. I mean, people safe.”

“You could just stay here with me? The others can handle-” my words are cut off by a giant laser beam cutting through the street, coming directly from the ship. 

He takes my hand and squeezes it. “Get yourself to safety. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine. I need you to be safe.” Another laser beam, the sound of some smaller buildings crumbling to the ground. “Go! Get to safety!” He releases my hand. 

I get a glimpse of the deep craters that lasers had left in their wake through the cement of the street, the piles of rubble and dust, and this spurs me on.

“Marcus?” He leans against the wall, readying himself, but he looks at me. 

“Yeah?”

Mustering up my courage, I lean towards his hunched body, softly planting a kiss on his lips. When I pull back, I see his chest heaving, his eyes moving between mine.

“Please make it back, Marcus.”

Before he can answer, the ship comes into view and his team moves out, following behind Miracle Guy, who had flown right up the ship and started punching it. Marcus’s head whips around, assessing the situation and I squeeze his arm once more before quickly moving out of the immediate area. I know I should move more, but I can’t get hurt so… 

The fight that ensues between the ship, the aliens inside, and the Heroics team is nothing short of brilliant. They may argue in the halls, but in the field, they all take direction from Marcus, who is a brilliant leader, playing all of their strengths. Marcus bends metal like it’s made of playdough, a beautiful dance of destruction and strength. Then the ship comes crashing down, everyone moving out of the way except-

“Marcus!” I emerge from my hiding place at a full run as the smoke around the alien ship that’s currently scraping along the road as it crashes and envelops Marcus. The ship stops, groaning as it falls back and lays still, no other life forms moving or detected on board. For a few moments, no one moves. Then Marcus emerges from the smoke, his face soot stained and a small gash in his shirt and along his cheek, but otherwise unharmed. 

“Marcus!” I run to him, his eyes finding mine, his entire body relaxing as he realizes I’m safe, just before I launch myself into his arms, our lips crashing together as my right hand fists in his shirt, my left tugging on his hair. Miracle Guy wolf whistles but I couldn’t care less. I feel his tongue gently lick out and I part my lips, letting him take whatever he wants. But before it can go any further, my vision starts to blacken, the last thing I see is Marcus’s eyes going out of focus as he succumbs to his own transition to the next simulation.

—----

I find myself blinking awake for the second time in what feels like weeks, but I know in reality it’s only been maybe 20 minutes that I was in there. The tips of my fingers and toes are tingling, my vision and hearing clearing and I find myself in…a breakroom. Am I back at the Heroics? The slight weight in my hand takes my focus and I realize I’m holding a cup of tea. I must be on my break. I walk towards the floor-to-ceiling windows, looking outside. I’m not back at Heroics - the cityscape is all wrong. I hear the door open behind me and I turn, the smile on my face widening as Marcus enters the room. His hair is shorter than the last simulation. And his face is clean shaven, which is a look I’ve never seen on him before. Not that it matters - he’s beautiful no matter what. I wonder what he’ll look like when he’s a little older. Probably hot as-

“Hey, Ivy.” Marcus smiles down at me, grabbing his own mug and pouring a cup of coffee from the carafe. I notice the FBI logo on the mug and figure that must be where we are.

“Hey,  Marcus.” I take a sip of my tea as we both watch the other. But then the door opens again, another agent walking into the room. He claps his hands together, looking at us.

“Hey! Congrats on finally cracking that art case, you two! 8 months is a long time to do an operation like that. Great work!” He shakes both of our hands as we thank him. Marcus catches my eye and, with a small movement, jerks his head towards the door. I nod, thanking the other agent again and follow Marcus out of the tiny breakroom and down the hall, stopping in front of an office door labeled MARCUS PIKE. I wonder if that's his name back In reality. He extends his arm towards his office and I head inside, smiling at him as I do, noting how his eyes dart around, that hand coming up to rub at the back of his neck as he closes the door behind him.

“I uh…great work, Ivy.” 

“You too.” 

He puts his hands in his pockets and finally looks me in my eyes and he nods once. 

“Listen. Do you..uh..I mean, would you like to…this is coming out all weird.”

I squeeze his arm and he looks down at my hand, taking a deep breath. 

“Would you like to get something to eat?”

My stomach erupts in butterflies. “Like on a date?”

The redness in his eyes spreads down onto his cheeks as he stammers, gesturing around vaguely. “No! No, not uh. Not a date.”

I can feel my face falling. “Oh.”

“Uh, unless you…uh…unless you want to? Make it a…a date?” His eyes are wide and bright, like a damn puppy. 

I smile, tucking some hair behind my ear. “Yeah. Yeah, I would love to go on a date with you, Marcus.” 

His smile is bright, lighting up the room. “Yeah?”

“Yes.”

He let's out a sigh of relief. “Great! I found this great pancake place.”

Pancakes? I love this man already. “It's nearly dinner time!” I can't help the small giggle that I let out. 

“Yeah, well you said your favorite food is pancakes. And they're open 24 hours.”

He remembered my favorite food? I'm so screwed. Damn this program is good. “You're right! I'd love to get pancakes with you. On a date. For a date. When will this date be, by the way?”

“Oh. I uh, would it be too weird if we went tonight? Is that too soo-”

“No! I mean, yes! No it's not too soon. I'd love to go!” If my heart could stop beating through my chest, that would be great. It's not that I'm some young girl getting asked on her first date. I just really like Marcus. Or whomever this is. My heart sinks at the thought of it not being the Marcus I know in reality. 

“Great! I'll pick you up at 7? Unless you'd rather meet me there? I don't want you to be uncomfortable.”

“Marcus, we just spent 8 months together on assignment. I think I'm comfortable around you.”

He chuckles. “Fair point.” His office phone rings and he apologizes to me, picking it up. I wave ro him and he mouths “See you at 7!”

—----

He picks me up with a flourish of flowers, all long legs and button up shirt that I'm really dying to unbutton. If that's even allowed here. 

But what's more than that is the conversation. I thought I had learned everything about him over the last 8 months. I was very wrong. 

“You were a bass player in a band?” I ask, choking on my drink.

He laughs, holding his hands up in front of him. “What can I say? I wanted to meet more people.”

“I bet you had all the girls hanging on you.”

Marcus shrugs. “Not really. They all want to date the drummer or the singer.”

“Really? Not the sexy bass player?”

Marcus takes too large of a sip of his drink and coughs, pounding his chest. “No, not the…you think I'm sexy?”

I set my fork down and meet his eyes. “If I didn't like you, I wouldn't be here.”

We spend several moments, just looking at each other and then I remember that he's not a simulation but a real person on the other end of those eyes. My heart squeezes thinking about how it won't actually be Marcus. Despite that thought, we really get along well and the conversation flows freely between us. Sooner than I’d like, we’re leaving the small diner, heading back to my place. Marcus parks in my driveway and turns to me, his eyes bright and wide like a damn puppy. We had been talking about books, one of my favorite topics.

“..and I know everyone complains that Tolkien takes 20 pages to describe a flower, but I really love that attention to detail. It makes it more immersive for me. One of these days I’ll get you to read Lord of the Rings!” I tap my fingers on his bicep to emphasize my point.

Marcus rubs his neck. “I uh…I already have.”

My jaw drops. “What? When??”

“When you told me it was your favorite book. Or books, I should say.”

I think back. “Marcus, that was…months ago!”

His eyes meet mine, the light from the street lamp outside adding a sparkle to them. “You said they were your favorite so…I read them.”

My stomach does flips, my heart beating. “You read them all for me?”

He nods. “Even the Silmarillion.”

I can’t help it. This is so fucking hot. I reach out and grip his shirt, pulling him to me, his soft lips pressing against mine, the heat between us quickly rising. His large hand cradles the back of my head, holding me to him as his other hand settles on my hip, squeezing it lightly. We make out for several minutes, Marcus kissing and nipping a path down my neck. 

“Do you want to come in?” I ask breathlessly. 

He pulls back and looks at me. “I do but-” he whispers. “Are we allowed?”

“I…I’m not sure. We could try to-” 

But then my vision starts to blacken around the edges, and before I pass out, I hear Marcus say “See you in the next one!” before we both black out.

—----

Now familiar with the way I wake in these simulations, I wiggle my fingers and toes, giving myself a moment to figure out where I am. The room looks…ok, this isn’t from my time. Roman decor and pillars line the grand bedroom, some food laying on a small table for, I’m assuming, me. A quick glance down shows me in a beautiful white garb and I marvel for a moment at how clean it is. 

BOOM!

The ground shakes and I duck down, completely caught off guard. It’s only after the boom dies down that I hear it - the distant sound of clanking swords and men yelling. I walk to the small window set into the wall and look out, my brain taking a moment to process the scene in front of me. 

I’m several floors up in a sort of round building, a castle I realize as I see the lower tiers, more square in their shape. I’m sure the grounds would have been beautiful, if it weren’t for the massive amounts of soldiers fighting in the streets. I can make out their bodies, the blood, sweat, and dirt spreading almost like a disease. Spear and swords burst from chests or stomachs, limbs separating from their bodies to be lost to the throngs of soldiers. The seem to be moving closer to the castle, which I’m not sure if I want to happen or not. Turning on my sandaled heel, I walk to the door, pressing my ear against the wood to listen. Hearing nothing, I try to open it. Nothing. The door doesn’t open or move, the handle locked into place.

Well, fuck. 

Before I can try and figure out how far down the next ledge is out the window, or if I can even fit out the window, I hear a commotion outside my door. It’s not loud, but I hear a man gurgling and sputtering, a small bit of crimson blood pooling under the door. I grab an iron rod by the fire and hold it up, preparing to defend myself. I know they said I can’t be hurt but damn this feels real. The door opens and a man walks through, wide, muscular shoulders under his Roman armor, Medusa proudly engrained on the front. I lunge, the iron rod above my head but the man turns and grabs the rod and I  would’ve fallen to the floor if he hadn’t caught me.

“Ivy! Here you are!” 

It’s him. Marcus. Only he’s older, probably closer to 50. Grey streaks in his curls and patchy facial hair only accentuate his beauty, a new scar forming across his nose, bleeding lightly down his face. He’s covered in dirt and blood and ash, but I throw my arms around him anyway.

“Marcus! Thank God, what’s going on?”

He cups my face, pushing my hair out of my face. “You are so beautiful, my love. I would bring every army from the entire world to rescue you from this horrid Emperor.” And then his lips are on mine, urgency behind them, but a desire to show me how l much I am loved. This man apparently started the battle outside, for me, and still wants to make sure that I know how important I am to him? 

“We have to flee. Come!” But before we can leave, the door flies open and 5 guards file in, grabbing Marcus and holding his arms out to his sides. I pick the iron rod up from the floor and run towards them, unsure of what I would do but I know I’ll beat the shit out of them until they let him go. But another hand shoots out and grabs my wrist, twisting it hard so I drop the rod. I look up into the eyes of a man that I’m assuming is the Emperor, his golden robes flowing around him. He looks vaguely familiar, like that one asshole from the comic shop.

“Now, now my dear. What were you planning on doing with that?”

I open my mouth to reply, but then he smacks me across the face and I slam down onto the floor. Ok, that hurt. Didn’t she say I wouldn’t get hurt? Maybe she meant I wouldn’t die. Marcus swears, cursing the Emperor for hitting me. 

“Are you alright, my love?” Marcus grunts as the men punch him in the stomach. 

“Marcus, Marcus, Marcus. You’re kind are dying out. I told you to just accept your fate and take your banishment, but instead, you stayed behind and fell in love with a woman. How…stupid.” Marcus tries to speak but he’s punched again, his body hunching over. I try to stand, but then I’m drug up by my hair, the Emperor’s fingers digging at my scalp as he pulls me to his side. 

“This one?” His eyes rake over my body. “She is attractive, I’ll give you that. Even if she is attracted to a brute like you.” I jerk my body, trying to get out of his grip but it’s too tight, my hands gripping his arms to try and get some relief from the stinging at the back of my scalp.

“Let her go. You can kill me, I don’t care, but let her go.”

The Emperor looks from me to Marcus, a sick smile spreading on his face. “I didn’t go through the trouble of kidnapping her just to have you give up. So I’ll tell you what I’ll do instead. LOOK AT ME!” The Emperor bellows from beside me, Marcus’s eyes moving from mine to his. 

He steps closer to Marcus, dragging me a little beside him. “Such a wild man. How about this: you watch as I take her. Then, I’ll drive my sword through her belly so she can slowly bleed out on the floor. Only after the light has left her eyes will I either kill you or lock you up to suffer the rest of your days. How does that sound?”

The darkness that settles over Marcus is unforgiving, his eyes hardening in resolution. He growls and screams, throwing the soldiers off him as he grabs his sword from the ground, swinging it and taking out all of the soldiers in only a handful of moves. He spins, aiming his sword at the Emperor, who has now moved me in front of him as a human shield, a knife to my throat. 

“I’ll kill her, Marcus! You are too weak to save her!”

Marcus’s gaze moves briefly to mine and I release my weak grip on the Emperor’s arms, letting them fall to my side. Marcus shifts his body ever so slightly before he throws something from behind his back. The object whizzes past my cheek, scratching it slightly as the blade buries itself in the Emperor’s neck. He drops his knife and clutches at his throat, his eyes wide with fear. He crumbles to the floor and sputters for several moments before his body stops moving. I run to Marcus, throwing my arms around him again. He grunts and I remember the soldiers hitting him.

“Are you hurt?”

He clutches his side. “I’ve had worse.”

“You are so fucking hot right now,” I speak quietly to him and he smiles. “I’m covered in dirt and blood and sweat.”

“Stop trying to turn me on more I already said you’re hot.”

He laughs but then inhales sharply at the pain. “I’ll take it, I guess.”

“No, that’s my job.” I bring my lips to his, pushing him back towards the chaise lounge chair on the other side of the room. He sits, pulling me onto his lap as I straddle him, my dress getting dirty as I shift my hips. He groans, his large hands sliding up my bare thighs under my dress and fuck! My vision starts to blacken and I hear Marcus whine out some expletives as we both are brought out of the simulation. 

—---------------------------

Hopefully for the last time, I blink awake, wiggling my fingers and toes as I look around the room. The helmet is gently lifted from my head and the woman that had put it on me moves into my eyesight.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m here.”

“Good. Wait just a moment for your body to fully catch up. Do you have any questions?”

“Yeah why did you stop us having sex?”

She studies me for a moment. “It is not allowed in the programming.”

“I cross my arms. “Well your programming is stupid.”

She chuckles so quietly I thought I’d imagined it. “The algorithm wants you and your mate to match based on personality and emotions, not just physical.”

“I can guarantee you it wasn’t just physical.” 

She helps me stand and I shake my limbs out, full feeling returning to them. I smooth out my dress as she readjusts my hair. “Are you ready to meet him?”

Him. My reality man. “Y..yeah.” 

“Right through that door. He’s already waiting for you.” I move towards the door but she stops me. “I just have to say, I’ve been doing this for years and I’ve never seen a situation like yours and his.”

I furrow my brow. “What do you mean?”

So smiles softly. “So…rooted in reality.”

Yeah that’s not confusing. But she doesn’t explain further, turning back to the chair and helmet, starting to clean them. I take a deep breath to steady myself and open the door, walking through and closing it behind me. The man on the other side of the room, my mate, turns towards me and we both gasp.

“Marcus?”

“Ivy?”

We meet in the middle of the room and I cup his face, Marcus tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. “Is it really you?”

He nods. “Yeah. You? Real?”

“Real.”

He pulls my face to his, kissing me deeply, but then pulling back a moment later. 

“I’ve been dying to ask you out since forever. I never thought I’d be paired with you, here of all places.”

I cock my head to the side. “Why didn’t you ever ask me?”

“Have you seen yourself? You’re entirely out of my league.”

“I’m fairly certain it’s the other way around.”

He opens his mouth to protest, but I put my finger on his lips. “I think we went through several first dates in there. Plus, we’re already friends. Can we…that is, can you take me back to your place first? Then we can eat?”

Marcus’s eyes darken, his hands finding a place on my hips as he pulls me against his body, letting me feel how into that idea he is. 

We’re married a year later.

—----

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[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 39: Returning

Your family comes back to Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-38 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Smut. Aftermath of canon-typical violence, including graphic depiction of injury. Mention of past sexual assault, not described. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 10k

A/N: We are through the spoiler-y portion now and you're all OK to read from here if you just want to see how the fic starts to come to a close. There is no more overlap with TLOU 2.

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next chapter

May, 2017 

“Mama!” 

Savvy’s voice was shrill, panicked. That scared you more than getting thrown off a horse had and your head shot up to make sure nothing had happened to her in the few seconds you’d been flying through the air and getting your bearings after hitting the ground with a thud. 

But your daughter was fine, just watching you from her place on the other side of the fence posts as you worked to break the feral horse you’d taken just a few weeks earlier. She was at the hardest stage now, the part where you had to be on her back but she didn’t want you there. She was used to a saddle, used to pressure guiding her. She was even used to you. She just wasn’t used to giving up the last wild parts of her, even though you were offering her a life that was better for her, one with care and shelter and protection from what would kill her in the wild. 

“Are you OK?” Savvy asked, her eyes wide. You should have anticipated this. She’d never seen you get thrown off a horse before, of course it would scare her. She looked like she was about to climb the fence to come check on you, her little hands bracing on the wood post. 

“I’m alright, baby girl,” you said quickly, holding your palm out to stop her. “You stay right there, OK?” 

She nodded but frowned, her little eyebrows drawing together as she watched you get back to your feet, the book you’d told her to read so you could keep an eye on her while you worked discarded in the dirt. 

You groaned a little as you shook the tension from your limbs, cracking your neck as you did before going for the horse again. 

“Mama!” Savvy yelled again, stopping you in your tracks. You looked back at her, frowning. “Mama, no! You’re going to get hurt, you can’t go on her again, she’s scary and…” 

“Oh, baby,” you said, going and kneeling in front of her, brushing her curls back from her small face. “I have to.” 

She frowned. 

“Why?” 

You smiled at her, at the concern in her warm, brown eyes.

“Because, when you get thrown - when something gets hard - you don’t give up,” you said. “When you give up, you lose so much that you’ve already worked so hard for. It can be hard and it can be scary, but if I gave up on her now, I’m letting her down, too. When you get thrown, you have to get back up. Even when it’s hard, even when it’s scary, you get back on the horse. If you get back on the horse, it’ll be OK. Understand?” 

She watched you for a moment before giving you a firm nod. You smiled and kissed her forehead before steeling yourself and getting back on the horse.

May, 2028 

The way you rode with Joel wasn’t comfortable but you didn’t care. You needed to be close to him. 

You sat side saddle, more on his lap than anything else, precariously balanced and nestled in his arms but it was where you had to be. You pressed your face into his neck and breathed him in and even though he smelled mostly of sweat and horse it was a comfort. You closed your eyes and tried not to listen to anything, just the sound of his breathing. 

He didn’t say much, only occasionally pressing his face into your head and kissing you there and whispering you’re OK, I’ve got you every few minutes. You weren’t sure if it was for him or for you. 

You weren’t sure how long you’d been riding but it had been dark for what seemed like a long time when you stopped for the night. 

“C’mon Bambi,” Tommy said gently as he helped you down. His touch still made you flinch. “It’s OK. Just me, not going to hurt you.” 

He half caught you as you more fell off the horse than dismounted and you realized just how uncomfortable your position had been as your body realigned. It just didn’t hurt as much as so many parts of you so it didn’t bother you as you rode. Joel’s hands were on you again almost immediately, pulling you against him. 

“Careful,” Joel said, guiding you to a large tree to sit in the cradle of its roots. He lowered you gently to the ground before he knelt in front of you, carefully pulling your shirt back enough to see the knife wound from Mitchum’s guard on your arm. He spent a few minutes carefully patching you up, cleaning the cut and bandaging it. You kept your injured hand tight against yourself, like you could somehow hide from Joel just how broken you were. 

When he was done, he brushed your hair back before cupping your cheek, his gaze deep and almost sad.

“I’m gonna go help Tommy set the perimeter…” 

Your eyes went wide at that, the thought of him being where you couldn’t see or feel him sending a thrill of panic up your spine. 

“Just for a few minutes,” he said, voice soothing and gentle. “Girls will be with you the whole time. You’re OK, sweetheart. I’ve got you.” 

You nodded and he pressed his lips to your forehead, lingering there before he pulled away from you. You closed your eyes and pressed yourself back against the tree, needing to have something at your back so you knew nothing could come and take you when you couldn’t see them coming. 

“Mom?” Savvy said quietly. You opened your eyes and found her standing beside you in the dark. “Can I… is it OK if I sit with you?” 

“Of course,” you said, your voice sounding and feeling oddly foreign to you, and you watched as she slowly, cautiously lowered herself down beside you. You kept your left hand clutched to your chest but held your right arm out and she gingerly fit herself against you there, nuzzling into your shoulder. You kissed the crown of her head, her curls tickling your nose and you gave her a squeeze before trailing your fingers gently through her hair. 

“Are you OK?” You asked quietly. She nodded but took a deep, shuddering breath. You relished that for a moment, that you could feel that she was alive an that she wanted to be close to you. “You can talk to me, it’s OK.” 

“I was so afraid,” she said, her voice wet. “I thought I’d never see you again and I never had the chance… You never told me about them and what… what they did.” 

“I know,” you said, continuing to hold her. 

“Why?” She asked. “I was so mad at you but it wasn’t your fault and you could have just told me and I would have understood, I would have known and I wouldn’t have been so… so…” 

Her voice trailed off and you pressed your lips to the crown of her head again, breathing in the smell of her, trying to put words to it. 

“You’re my baby,” you said eventually. “I want to protect you from everything. That’s my job, it’s the most important job I’ve ever had. I didn’t protect you then…” 

“Mom,” she said, sitting up from you a little to look you in the eye in the moonlight, like she was getting ready to fight you on it. 

“I didn’t,” you said. “I wish I could have but I wasn’t able to for a very long time. Keeping you from knowing about that stuff… I could protect you that way. I didn’t want that in your head. I still don’t.” 

She watched you for a moment before she deflated before you.

“I know you tried,” she said weakly. “I remember, the night they came… I heard the gunshots, I know you tried. I was so afraid then, too. I thought they killed you, I thought…” 

“I know,” you said softly. “And I’m sorry.” 

“I’m really sorry,” she said, tucking herself against you again. You could feel her tears dampening the cotton of your shirt. “I shouldn’t have been so mad at you, I’m so mad at myself now because I… I was just so angry because I didn’t understand and…” 

“It’s OK,” you soothed her. “Don’t be mad at yourself baby girl, please don’t. You went through so much, you survived so much all on your own that you never should have gone through. Of course you were mad, it’s right to be angry when something hurts you like that…” 

“But you didn’t hurt me,” she said, holding you tighter. “You didn’t just leave me. And I should have known that you would never have done that. I should never have been angry with you.” 

“It’s OK,” you said again. “We’ve found each other now, that’s all that matters, right?” 

“Yeah,” she nodded into you. “I love you, Mom.” 

You held her a little closer. 

“I love you, too,” you whispered. “So, so much.” 

After a few minutes, Ellie joined you, too. She didn’t seem to want to talk, something you were thankful for because you weren’t sure how well you’d hold it together. The conversation with Savvy had taken so much out of you. You needed to take care of them both, look out for them, help them through their pain and their fear but you barely had it in you to do it. It was like everything inside yourself was dedicated to keeping yourself alive and in one piece - as much as you could since they’d already cut pieces of you away. You didn’t have anything left in you to do anything else. 

Instead of asking for your words, Ellie sat silently on your left side and you cautiously, hesitantly, put your arm around her, your injured hand coming to rest against her. She put her head on your shoulder and you kissed her there before resting your cheek against her and closing your eyes. You tried to focus on the two of them, that you could feel that they were alive and that they were safe, knowing it with real certainty for the first time since Kyle had shown up at your door what felt like an eternity ago. 

When the men got back, Tommy volunteered to keep watch all night and Joel tried to protest but Tommy silenced him quickly. 

“You ain’t slept in days,” he said sharply. “Stay with your wife. I’ve got it.” 

You frowned as Joel set out his sleeping bag and helped you into it before joining you there, set a little away from where Ellie and Savvy were so there was a semblance of privacy. 

“You’re alright,” Joel said, so softly you weren’t sure that he’d even intended the words for you. “I’ve got you.” 

“You haven’t slept?” You asked quietly. You kept your injured hand between your bodies, tight against your chest while Joel’s arms were around you, the one below you tucked under your head so you could use him as a pillow, the other cradling your body against his. 

“Couldn’t,” he said, his lips brushing your forehead. “Not without you.” 

“I’m sorry,” you said, tears pinching tight in your throat. You hated that this had hurt him, too. 

“No,” he whispered. “Don’t be. It’s not your fault, sweetheart. You saved them, I would have done the same thing.” 

He held you so close and you felt him breathe, felt the subtle rattle inside of him and you knew he was crying. You wished you had it in you to soothe him and take care of him the way he was taking care of you but you couldn’t take any other pain into yourself. Instead, you cried, too, until you fell asleep in your husband’s arms. 

The next morning, you jerked awake, heart racing but you couldn’t remember why. It took you a moment to realize where you were, that you were safe and that Savvy and Ellie were safe, too. Your whole body was tense, a bowstring drawn too tight and ready to snap. 

“You’re OK,” Joel’s hand was tracing a delicate path over your spine and your face was buried in his throat. His voice was so quiet, the coo of a morning dove trees away was louder. “Never let anyone hurt you again, you’re safe.” 

You took a deep, shaky breath and he kissed the crown of your head and just held you until you felt like you could move. 

When Tommy and the girls took the horses to a nearby stream to drink and to fill up canteens before leaving camp, it left you and Joel alone - truly alone - for the first time. You were nestled into his chest as he leaned back against a tree, both of his hands on you, always touching you. 

“You can talk to me,” he said. “Don’t want you feeling like you need to protect me from any of it. I’m here for you, sweetheart. Whatever you need, it’s yours.” You swallowed hard but nodded into him. “Can I ask you for something?” 

You frowned but you didn’t stop him. He took a deep breath. 

“Can I see your hand?” He asked. You froze against him, not even breathing. He gave you a little squeeze. “I just want to see if it’s healing, baby.” 

You held it a little tighter to yourself. 

“You know?” You asked quietly. There was something that felt so wrong about Joel knowing that another man had cut part of you away for himself.

He gave you another small squeeze. 

“Made Cody pay for it,” he said. “Made ‘em pay for fuckin’ all of it.” 

You took a deep breath and sat back from him, just enough to unwind the makeshift bandage from around your hand. When it was just loose fabric over your wound, you took a shaky breath and looked at Joel. He was watching you closely, one hand gently cupping your elbow, his thumb rubbing reassuring circles over you there. You could tell he was trying to keep from showing much emotion, his face flat, but the way he was looking at you still told you everything. He was hurting, so much pain behind his eyes that it was hard not to drown in it. You tried not to think about how afraid he must have been, coming back to Jackson and finding his entire family gone from the one place left on Earth that was supposed to be safe. He’d reached you but you had to carry this with you now, for the rest of your life. Evidence of just how cruel this world was right on your hand, a constant reminder of what was waiting just outside the walls. 

“It’s OK,” he said gently and you took a deep breath before pulling the fabric back from your hand. You watched Joel’s face as you did, watched him fight to not flinch at the mangled flesh that was your hand. He took your palm gingerly in his large hands and you finally looked down at your remaining fingers, watching as Joel carefully examined you. He brushed his thumb on your palm below where the pieces of you had been cut away. 

“They burned it,” you said after a moment. “Stopped the bleeding.” 

“It’ll be OK,” he nodded and you fought to swallow around the knot that had tightened in your throat. 

“He took my wedding ring,” you said softly, feeling the tear you’d been struggling to hold back slip down your cheek anyway. 

“No,” Joel shook his head, setting your hand gently on your leg, palm up before reaching into his pocket. He pulled your ring out, still dark sticky with blood but it was yours. “I took it back. Don’t need to decide what you want to do with it now but I have it, I’ll keep it safe for you. He didn’t get to take that.” 

You looked at it for a moment, nodding slowly. 

“Thank you,” you whispered. 

Joel tied your bandage around your hand again, finishing just as the other three returned with the horses and the water. 

You rode with Joel again, not feeling entirely conscious or even inside your body as you did. You still kept your left hand held close to your chest. Sometimes, you were keenly aware of the movement of the horse below you. Sometimes, you heard birds singing and frogs croaking and Ellie whispering to Savvy. Sometimes, you didn’t feel or see or hear or smell anything at all, just floating in space and time where nothing could take anything more from you. 

It was during one of those times where you were existing with nothing at all that you made it back to Jackson, Joel gently pulling you back to the present by pressing a kiss to your temple and talking low and gentle in your ear. 

The walls of the town were on the horizon and you stiffened. Even with damn near half the town back at Mitchum’s camp after the fight, you knew there would be people, people who would see you like this and know what had been done to you. 

“Just gonna get you to the doctor,” he said, sensing your discomfort. “Then we’ll get you home. It’s OK.” 

“Can we just go home, Joel?” You asked, burying your face in his neck. You knew you should be stronger than this. You knew you didn’t have anywhere inside yourself to find that strength. “Please, just take me home, I want to go home.”  

He held you a little tighter, the gates casting a shadow as they opened. 

“OK sweetheart,” he said. “I’ll take you home.” 

Joel guided the horse to your house, Tommy following close behind. You could feel eyes on you but you didn’t look up from your place tucked against Joel’s skin. Your brother in law helped you off the horse and helped you stay upright until your husband could tuck you against his side and return you to the place you felt safe. 

One Week Later 

You rarely left your bedroom. 

After Carol came by the house and examined you and Joel gently bathed you, washing you clean of everything that had happened, you’d only really left your room to use the bathroom. The curtains were drawn, the air was stale, you were coated in a layer of old sweat and you couldn’t bring yourself to care. 

At first, Joel rarely left your side. It was two days before you were without him even for a minute. He even went with you to the bathroom, his hand on your back on the walk down the hall and hovering just outside the door before walking you back to bed again. You mostly just laid on his chest, feeling him breathe, waiting for something - anything - to pull you away. You felt it coming, some amorphous thing hanging on the edge of your consciousness. Nowhere was safe. Not even Jackson. This was proven now. Something would find you, something would take everything that mattered away. It was always coming, it had been for more than 20 years, grasping for you in the form of your infected boyfriend or the man who didn’t want to take a no or the unseen death of your daughter’s father or those who took and took and took until there was nothing left. How could you be expected to live like that? Fighting and scratching an existence for yourself only to have it ripped away again and again and again. 

Staying in bed was safer. There was less to lose then. 

The third day, Joel left for a little while. You weren’t entirely sure where, but you were only alone for a few minutes, Ellie and Savvy coming to sit with you. You just held onto them and hoped that, whatever eventually came for you would spare them instead of using them as they had been before. 

Nothing did. 

Other people came by after that, too. Just to the house, Joel stopped them in the living room, seeming to understand that you couldn’t bear being seen this way. You heard them, occasionally, from your place in the bed. Their voices would filter upstairs and so would Joel’s replies. Tommy and Maria wanted to see how everyone was doing. Olivia gave updates on the stables and asked after you. Warren came by to tell Joel the final tally of the fight with Mitchum and how so much of the trouble that had cropped up for patrols over the last few years could be blamed on his fight for power. Even Julie visited, carrying a basket of snacks with her. Joel tried to get you to eat some. You managed a few berries before curling up again. 

You knew this had to be wearing on Joel. He weathered you waking up in a panic and fighting him before you remembered where you were and who you were with. He didn’t pressure you to leave the bedroom, instead bringing food and water and tea to you. He tried to get you to read but you weren’t interested so he read to you, instead. You didn’t process much of what he said but the sound of his voice was comforting and you would curl up against him as he read, drifting in and out of consciousness as he stroked your hair or ran his hand from your shoulder to your elbow and back again. 

The only thing that told you it had been a week that you’d been back was Carol. She came in your room with a gentle smile and asked to take your bandages off to check how you were healing. You kept your good hand in Joel’s the entire time, squeezing him tight because anyone but him or the girls being that close to you made you want to crawl out of your skin. 

“This is coming along well,” she said as she looked at your hand. “Really. You’ve come a long way in just a week. You will move past this and you will be OK.” 

You weren’t sure you could say anything so you didn’t try and you heard her giving Joel some care instructions in the hall before she left. You stared at the wall. 

“Hey,” Joel said when he came back in and sat on the edge of the bed. You curled your legs into your chest and watched him. He reached out and ran one large palm over your head. “How about a shower? Doc said should be easier now…” 

You watched him for a moment, worry in his eyes. He’d been with you like this for a week now. That was a long time for someone like Joel who liked to be moving and feeling like he was accomplishing something. It was unnatural for him to be here, stagnant like this with you. You knew how this must be hurting him, how his life would be better without needing to deal with this. 

You took a deep breath, bracing yourself for what you knew you needed to say. 

“I know this isn’t what you signed up for,” you looped your arms around your knees and pulling them tighter to yourself. “You don’t have to stay with me like this.” 

“Baby…” 

“I can move back to my old house,” you said, ignoring the tightness in your throat and chest as you said it, like the thought of being away from him was going to strangle you dead. “I think it’s still empty, you don’t need…” 

“No,” he cut you off, sharp and firm. 

“I know this isn’t what you want…” 

“The hell it’s not,” he snapped. He moved fully onto the bed, taking your face in his hands so firmly it almost hurt, his fingertips sinking into your skin. You took a deep, shaky breath and closed your eyes but he didn’t seem to be having that, either. “No, you look at me, goddammit, not letting you hide from this, you hear me?” 

You forced your eyes open, trying not to grimace as you looked at your husband, the man you wanted to be next to forever but couldn’t bear to keep dragging down like this. 

“You think I want you to leave?” He asked, brows raised so high they almost disappeared into his hair. “That I want you anywhere but next to me?” 

“Joel…” 

“I promised to love you and protect you,” he said. “You think that stops just because shit gets hard? You think I’m just going to let you go because somethin’ awful happened to you? I don’t care if I need to stay with you through this for another week or a year or a fuckin’ lifetime, I’m staying right fucking here. I love you, more than I ever thought I could love someone else and that don’t stop just because you need time!” 

“I don’t want to hurt you anymore!” You almost yelled it. “Please, I don’t want to drag you down with me, I can’t let you get dragged down with me, the girls need you and…” 

“They need you, too,” he cut you off. “And you’re not draggin’ me anywhere. You go, I go. That’s how this works, you and me. You hear me? Now, if… if you need to be away from me because of shit I’ve done -“ 

“No,” you shook your head as best you could in his grip but he continued on like you hadn’t spoken at all. 

“-then we’ll figure that out but we’ll do that together, not with you leaving because you think it’s what’s best for me, you understand me? I love you. I’m sticking by you. That ain’t changing.” 

You closed your eyes and Joel’s hold on you loosened, his hands moving from your face to your shoulders, his thumbs moving in soothing circles over your collarbone. 

“C’mon, sweetheart,” he said, the forcefulness gone now, just the quiet care left in his voice. “Let’s get you cleaned up. You’ll feel better.” 

He guided you to the bathroom and undressed you delicately as the water warmed up. He took off his socks but left on his jeans and t-shirt as he got in the shower with you. 

“Joel,” you whispered, your arms crossed over your chest as best you could. 

“It’s you and me,” he said. “We’re figuring this out together.” 

His hands moved over you slowly, firmly, cleaning your skin and your hair and working knots out of aching muscle. His clothes were dripping. He didn’t seem to notice. 

Another week later 

Joel had started going back to work. 

You’d insisted on it. You couldn’t keep him cooped up with you like this forever, you couldn’t bear to watch him slowly lose himself no matter how much he pretended like it was OK. 

He’d been reluctant, of course, and he wasn’t going on patrol or anything that took him away from the house for more than a few hours but you could tell that he was feeling better, now that he was pitching in around town again. 

Joel told you about some of what he did when he got back. He fixed the roof on a family’s house one day and told you about how the four-year-old boy there had showed him all his Matchbox cars before he left. Another day, Joel worked with Tommy to start figuring out good ways to expand the school as it was getting cramped, planning to bring their ideas to the council to decide how to move forward. Another, he told you about going to help Olivia at the stables and how people said they missed you and sent their best. 

The next day was when he came back with the kitten. 

“Brought you somethin’,” he said as he e came into your bedroom with it wriggling in his hold - the creature so small and his hand so large that it just fit in his palm. He set it on the bed next to you and you just gaped at it. 

“What…” 

“Couldn’t just leave it,” he shrugged. “It’s too new to survive on its own but it was all by itself. Figured, anyone here knows animals, it’s you. Thought it could use a mother.”

He’d apparently left the city walls for a few hours that day to test someone new on shooting for patrol. That’s when they found the kitten, snarling and ferocious, all alone near the shooting range. It was a little thing, black and white and fluffy with a tail that stuck straight up. Joel had scooped it up and tucked it inside a saddle bag before bribing it with some milk and chicken back in town. That had mellowed it some, its affection apparently easily bought as it ambled around the bed, pouncing at unseen prey and climbing on your legs. You smiled a little, watching it. 

“What are we supposed to do with a cat?” You asked, only glancing at Joel as you watched the kitten romp around. 

“Weren’t you sayin’ you were worried about mice in the barn?” He said. “Figured he can pitch in around here as much as anyone else. Earn his keep.” 

You laughed once, lightly, at that. The cat, paying rent in town with his presumed hunting skills. 

“Think you can raise ‘em up alright?” Joel asked. 

You reached out and ran a finger down his little back. He arched into your touch and you couldn’t help but smile a little. 

“I think so,” you said, even though you weren’t really sure that was true. 

But he did make you leave your room the next day. 

The kitten - who you decided to name Orion in hopes he lived up to his namesake in hunting skills - wanted to explore and you wanted to let him. You got out of bed to let him out of your room but it felt wrong, letting him go out there without someone watching him. This place was big and new and dangerous for him. He needed help. You didn’t go far, only making to the living room, but it felt like a different world to you, too. You sat on the couch, tucked as far back into the corner as you could go so you could feel things around you. It was the only way to be secure, knowing what was there. You weren’t sure how long you’d been sitting there when you watched Joel come up the front walk, jogging up the steps and unlocking the front door. He nearly jumped when he saw you there, sitting on the couch with your arms around your legs, the cat patting at the bottom of the curtain at the window. 

“Baby,” he said quickly, almost running for you before sitting next to you, tilting your face in his hand, examining you. “You alright? You hurt?” 

You frowned at him, his eyes still ranging over you. 

“I’m fine,” you said. “We just… wanted a change of scenery.” 

He nodded slowly, watching you cautiously. 

“And how we feelin’ about all that?” 

You considered that for a moment. 

“Alright, I think,” you said. “Better, with you here.” 

His lips tugged up ever so slightly at the edges. 

“Good,” he said. “That’s good.” 

He put a movie on for the two of you and, for a bit, you felt almost normal with him there beside you, tucked against his side as you watched things play out on screen. You felt secure enough that you started to doze off there, somehow exhausted even though all you’d done that day was come downstairs and sit on a couch. 

“C’mon sweetheart,” Joel said, giving you a squeeze as credits played. “Let’s get you upstairs.” 

It was something like waking up then. There were things happening around you that you realized had been happening for a while, you just hadn’t fully noticed. Joel helped you get get settled but didn’t get undressed himself. Instead, he got his pajamas from where they were folded on a chair in the corner and went to the bathroom, changing there. You frowned as he got into bed next to you and you pressed yourself against him, breathing in the warm, comforting smell of him. 

“Have you been doing that?” You asked quietly as he trailed his fingers up and down your spine. 

“Doin’ what?” He asked. You could hear the frown on his voice. 

“Getting ready for bed in another room,” you said. “I can’t remember from the last few days and…” 

You trailed off and he was quiet for a moment before he answered. 

“Yeah. Seemed… seemed smart.” 

Your frown deepened. 

“Why?” 

He sighed heavily, holding you a little tighter. 

“I don’t want to do anything that might hurt you or scare you,” he said slowly. “I dunno what they did to you - and you don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to - but… I know enough of what they did before and you wake up afraid a lot. Figure… well, last thing you might need is seeing an undressed man so I’ve just been making sure you don’t. S’OK. I don’t mind.” 

Your throat got tight and you nuzzled closer to him, suddenly missing his skin so much it hurt. 

“I’m not afraid of you,” you said quietly, your voice thick. 

“It’s OK if you are,” he replied. “Just don’t want to be something that hurts you.” 

“You’re not,” you said. “I… I feel safe with you.” 

He slowly, hesitantly pressed his lips to the top of your head. 

“Good.” 

You were silent for a minute and you could feel his body start to relax against you and you knew you should just let him rest but now that you realized it had been weeks since you’d last really felt his skin, you couldn’t think about anything else. 

“Joel?” You said eventually. 

“Hm.” 

“Can…” You took a deep breath. “Can you take your shirt off?” 

He pulled back from you, frowning slightly. 

“I just…” you watched him closely. “I miss being able to touch you.” 

“Sure, baby,” he said. “If that’s what you really want.” 

You just nodded and he sat up enough to tug his shirt over his head before settling beside you, letting you decide how close you wanted to be. You pressed yourself against him, burying your face in his chest and breathing deep, not realizing just how much you’d missed this until that moment. 

“I love you, Joel,” you said quietly, pressing a kiss to his skin. 

He took a shaky breath. 

“I love you too, Bambi.” 

You tried to leave your room every day after that, at least for a little while. You made yourself tea in the kitchen and gave Orion a treat or watched something on TV in the living room. Ellie and Savvy came by and played cards one afternoon, both of them completely charmed by the way the cat would rear back on his hind legs to try to catch a string. You made it as far as the front porch once but you only lasted a few minutes there, the space too open to feel safe. 

One day, you decided to go and spend time in the room you’d set up for Savvy, sitting cross-legged on the bed and looking around at how Joel had helped you put it together. You were just thinking about how to ask if she wanted to come spend the night at least when you heard the front door open. 

“Sorry,” Joel said. “She’s got good days and bad. This may be a bad day if she’s still in our room…” 

“Do you think she’d be up for talking about it?” Olivia’s voice was distinctive, even from the floor above. “Because it’s been weeks…” 

“Know how long it’s been,” Joel said, his voice sharp. “Not about to jeopardize her health because…” 

“The whole town relies on us and those horses,” Olivia cut him off, heated too. “I understand that she’s going through something and I don’t want to make it worse. She’s my friend and I care about her. But I need to know whether or not she’s coming back anytime soon because the horses she was working with before this happened? They’re backsliding. If I need to take over, fine, I’ll do my best but it won’t be what she can do and I don’t want to do it without talking with her and…” 

“Another day,” Joel said. “I know what’s at stake but I am not putting her at risk. It ain’t worth it.” 

They were quiet for a moment and then Olivia sighed. 

“Fine,” she said. “But it has to be soon. They can’t just stay wild like this here, it’s not good for them. There’s only so much longer they can go on like this.” 

You heard her leave and then Joel’s heavy sigh before walking - his limp apparent even from a floor away - to the kitchen. You took advantage of the sound of the running water to slip back into your bedroom, pressing yourself back against the headboard and closing your eyes for a moment. 

Olivia was right. You knew the horses you’d been just starting to break would be in rough shape now. The longer you let them go, the harder it would be to get them back and it was dangerous to let them go too long in captivity without training. They could hurt themselves in the stall, hurt another horse, hurt someone trying to care for them. You couldn’t afford to let them go, the town needed them. Something had to give. 

Joel didn’t mention Olivia when he came upstairs only a few minutes later. He brought you tea and toast with jam and you ate some of it, staring at your hand with the missing fingers as you used the ones that remained to hold the bread. Joel just sat next to you in bed, reading silently and absently stroking Orion and watching you out of the corner of his eye like he was afraid of what you might do if he wasn’t watching. Because, apparently, now you needed supervision to eat fucking toast.

He tried to coax you down to watch a movie that evening but you couldn’t bring yourself to leave the bed, your mind lingering on his conversation with Olivia, on all the things you were failing by still being here, like this. It was like you were still trapped there, still chained to that fucking wall, still waiting for the thing that was going to rip you apart. 

Joel held you as you tried to fall asleep - even though you weren’t sure you deserved it - and you knew it was going to be a rough night before it even began. 

You were right. You dreamed about Cody taking your daughters from where they were supposed to be safe and searching for them in the woods, desperate to reach them, ready to give every piece of yourself away in exchange but still not finding them. You dreamed about Mitchum and how he liked to hurt you, how his body felt like the weight of the world was suffocating you when he was on top of you. You dreamed of being trapped and caged and finding the only person left on the other side of the bars was yourself, standing there, holding the keys and watching, waiting. For what, you didn’t know. 

“Sweetheart!” Joel’s voice snapped you out of your head and, suddenly, you were back in his arms. The room was quiet and still and smelled like him and he was there, his eyes searching yours as he clutched you close. “Hey, it’s alright. We’re OK, I’ve got you. It’s just me, you and me, you’re safe. We’re all OK.” 

He ran his large palm over your head over and over, his eyes locked on yours, saying the words over and over and they were nothing new. They were things Joel had said probably every day since you’d been back, things he told you when he could feel you tense or when you panicked in your sleep. It was a familiar mantra, something you clung to when so much of the rest of the world seemed to be swallowed by chaos and cruelty. 

But this time, the settled in you differently. We’re OK. It’s just me, you and me. 

This thing you’d survived hadn’t just happened to you, not really. Yes, you’d been the one to willingly hand yourself over to monsters and you’d been the one to suffer what they wrought but it was Joel who came back from patrol to find his entire family gone. It was Joel who had searched for you, frantic and terrified, for days. It was Joel who had shepherded your daughters through your disappearance as they tried to shove their guilt away with vengeance. It was Joel who took the closest thing you’d get to justice from your tormentors. And after it all, he’d stood there, in the middle of this tempest, holding you through it, keeping your head above water. When everything threatened to pull you under, he was there. You weren’t alone. Not in this, not in anything. Not anymore. 

“Joel,” you whispered, reaching your hand up and trailing your fingers through his graying curls, his hair brushing against the scar tissue where your wedding band had once rested. 

“Hey baby,” he whispered back, the barest hint of a smile on his lips, his gaze less panicked. “You feeling OK? Want me to bring you anything? I can make you tea…” 

“No,” you said softly, still trailing your fingers through his hair. There’s a tightness in your stomach, one that was so foreign now but still so familiar when you were next to Joel. “That’s not what I want.” 

He watched you, his eyebrows drawing together ever so slightly and you could see just how restrained he was. You’d known Joel a long time, you knew how the whole of his body moved when in pleasure or pain, in certainty or confusion, even the fine muscles of his face - especially those - and he was holding back. He was protecting you, always protecting you, even now, even from himself. 

You didn’t want him to. 

“What do you need?” He asked gently, his hand going from your hair to your face, his thumb pressed below your cheekbone. 

You didn’t say anything. Instead, you watched him closely in the dark, keenly aware of how his body was in alignment with yours, how his leg had hooked over yours to tame your thrashing, how he held you close even though you knew you’d shoved him away so many times in your sleep. You moved closer to him slowly, your eyes staying locked on his as you hesitantly, delicately, kissed your husband for the first time in weeks. 

*** 

Joel had to fight to not moan at the feel of your lips on his. But they were soft and plush, giving to the press of his mouth, your body more relaxed than he’d felt in so long. 

He stopped himself, though. 

He couldn’t do this, not now, not with you like this. 

It had been weeks that you’d been back but, in so many ways, it was like you were still gone. You were so far away from him, so often just staring into space and sitting in silence. You didn’t seem to have any interest in listening to music or reading. The only thing that seemed to pry you out of that dark space within yourself was the cat - which he’d brought you out of sheer desperation - and the girls, but he wasn’t sure how genuine that was, if you were doing it because you wanted to or because you felt like you had to to take care of them. 

When you started leaving the bedroom, he’d had hope. He’d thought that, maybe, things were getting better. That you were willing to see beyond the boundaries of those four walls and into a future that was better, one where you were yourself again. And then you stalled out there, only occasionally going on the front porch the two of you had spent so much time together on, back in the days you were afraid to be inside his home. Now, you were afraid to leave it. 

Part of him wondered if this was what it was like when you first came to Jackson. If you’d spent weeks alone, locked inside your house and plagued by nightmares and memories that may as well have been nightmares, too. His heart ached for you if it that was case but he almost hoped it was. If this was just part of what it was like for you to survive, that he could count on you to return to him again once you got through this, then he’d get you back. You’d get through this and you’d be OK again.  

But the longer you stayed there, trapped inside yourself, the more his hope dwindled.

It didn’t help that everything was tinged with the acute knowledge that he’d failed you. That you’d been hurt because he hadn’t reached you in time, that you’d been left to suffer alone. He’d hoped - perversely, perhaps - that he would at least be able to put you back together. He’d kept your fingers until you made it back to Jackson, hoping that the doctor would be able to reattach them. But she’d shaken her head, looking almost pityingly at him as she did. They’d been gone too long, he was too late. He’d wrapped the parts of you he couldn’t save in a scrap of one of his shirts that you liked so much and buried it beside the tree in his front yard. You’d loved sitting there, playing guitar, before. It seemed right that part of you should stay there. He cleaned your wedding band and added it to the chain you’d given him with the bullet on it, the reminders of you always close. 

You were close now. So so close, so close it almost scared him. 

You pulled back from him, your eyes wide and deep and bright in the moonlight. 

“Joel,” you said softly, traces of familiar want in your voice. He had to try, again, to not moan at that. 

“Don’t have to do this, baby,” he said, brushing the soft skin of your cheek with his callused thumb. “S’OK.” 

“I know,” you said, your hand leaving his hair and holding his face much the same way he was holding yours. “But I want to.” 

“Bambi…” 

“I want you,” you said, rolling your hips against him as you spoke, the heat of desire sparking deep inside himself. He couldn’t hold the groan back this time, dropping his forehead to yours. “Please.” 

“Not going to hurt you,” he said, his chest tight at that thought. “Should… should just…” 

“You won’t hurt me,” you kissed him again, so soft and so gentle and you tasted sweet like peach and ginger from the tea and fuck but he missed you. He’d missed you so badly it hurt and the thought of never getting you back scared him so much he felt hollow if he lingered on it too long, like specter of the loss of you - even if your body was still here - threatened to send him back to the darkest reaches of himself. You were so close now, he could feel you, taste you. But if you left him now, after almost coming back to him, if he were the cause, that would ruin him. He knew it, deep at the core of him, that there would be no coming back from that. 

But you were here. 

“Please, Joel.” 

So close. 

“Please.” 

Begging for him. 

“I need you.” 

His resolve crumbled then. He kissed you, firm and needy and the way he wanted to kiss you for the rest of his life and you moaned into his mouth, your hand slipping down his skin to the back of his head, fingers knotting desperately in his hair. He swallowed the sounds of your pleasure, running his hand over you to your leg, hitching your thigh over his side so the next delicious roll of your hips made your hot pussy press against his hardening cock. 

It only took seconds for every concern in his head to melt away. How could he be worried about anything when you were here, like this, wanting him, moaning against him, feeling him and he was able to give you everything you wanted. He would break himself down into whatever form you needed and surrender himself to you, all you had to do was ask, all you had to do was let him. How could he be worried when you were finally letting him? 

He pulled your shirt over your head, casting it aside and you pulled at his in return so he took that off, too and then you were against him and he moaned at the feeling of your bare skin on his because fuck, you were soft. The plush curve of your breasts - your nipples peaked - on his chest, the soft of your stomach on his own, the heat of your tongue as you dipped into his mouth. He was breathing the same air as you again, feeling your pulse again, so close to being inside your skin again. 

You damn near ripped his pants off, scrambling with a desperate edge to your panting breaths as you did and he stopped you. You frowned, pupils blown, but he just held your hands still for a moment. 

“I got it,” he said, breathless himself. “Just one second, baby, I got you.” 

He pulled his pants off quickly and then yours, too and you were against him again almost immediately, your leg over his hip again as you lay side by side, facing each other, pressed so close and tight he was certain he could feel all of you against all of him. Your wet heat was tantalizingly, dangerously close to him, the head of his cock brushing against your sensitive sex. He held you tight, his lips brushing yours as you breathed into each other, noses touching, foreheads pressed together, a singular being tied together by want. 

But he stopped himself from simply thrusting into you, no matter how badly he ached to bury himself inside. You hadn’t told him what happened when Mitchum had you this time, all Joel knew was that he prayed he’d reached you before your captor had managed to hurt you like that again, that his men were afraid enough of their boss that they hadn’t, either. But he remembered what the first time he was with you had been like, how you’d been afraid, how he’d held you. He wasn’t about to just take what he wanted, no matter how much you seemed to be begging him to, not until he knew it wouldn’t break you down further. 

“You sure about this?” He asked. “You don’t have to do anything for me, baby. All you need to do for me is keep living, alright? Don’t want you to give me this unless you want it…” 

“I know,” you panted, kissing him again, the ache of need on your tongue. “I want to. I want you, I love you, please…” 

He kissed you, devouring your wanting as he pushed himself inside, his hand spreading wide over the small of your back, holding you in place as he sank into the tight, hot clutch of you. 

You moaned as he did, keening and desperate, and he felt you straining not to move, your leg tight around him, tension in your hips. The moment he was fully sheathed inside you, though, you let yourself go, your hips working against his and you pulled your lips from his, watching him. There was a look of almost awe in your eyes and he could feel the flutter of your pulse on the inside of you, feel the shudder of your needy, shallow breaths. You were so warm, so soft, shaped so perfectly for him, taking him into yourself in a way no one else ever had. He belonged here, like this, with you. This, he thought, was the only explanation. That when the matter that made up the two of you sprang into existence it was alongside each other and had spent both your lives racing for each other until you could be joined like this again. 

“Joel,” you whispered. “I missed you.” 

“I know, baby,” he whispered back. “I missed you, too. So, so much.” 

He rocked himself deeper then and you groaned, pressing your body completely against his, the soft of your cheek like silk against the rough of his beard, your quiet breaths drowning out every other sound in the world as your fingertips sank into his back, pulling at his skin as if you could knit yourself into him anymore than you already had.

Joel just held onto you like that, feeling you so close, his cock pressing deep inside where he belonged before pulling back only an inch or two, not daring to go any further from you than that. He became lost in you that way, the rhythm of your bodies together and the delicate moans and the wet plush of your mouth when your lips found his neck or shoulder when the building pleasure became too much. 

He felt you getting tighter around him and he knew just how to draw you tighter, drive your pleasure deeper. He let his baser instincts take over, kissing and sucking the delicate skin of your throat and listening to the shift in your needy breaths when he did, pressing a little harder on your back so he could get just a little deeper and feel your channel tense even more. 

“I’ve got you,” he said when it felt like you couldn’t be drawn any tighter. “Just come, come for me baby, please…” 

You came with a strangled little gasp, one he wouldn’t have heard had he been anywhere but this close, so close it seemed you had to be a single being now, tied together deeply and permanently, close enough that nothing would pull you away from him again. 

The almost painfully tight throbbing of you drove him over the edge and he came with you, buried so deep inside that he could feel all of you as you fluttered and pulsed over him. 

“Joel,” you groaned, sounding like you were far outside your own body when you did. “Joel, Joel, Joel, Joel, I love you, I love you.” 

You said it again and again until you went limp in his arms. He just held you for a minute, feeling your heartbeat and your skin, when you took a shaky breath and he felt a tear on his cheek. 

“Hey,” he carefully pulled himself back from you, your eyes red and wet. He tried to slip out of you but you tightened your leg on him, not letting him leave. “Baby, you gotta talk to me…” 

“I’m sorry,” you said, voice thick and wet and desperate in a whole new way. “I know I’ve been… I’m trying, I know I need to get back to normal with you and the girls and the horses and I don’t want to be like this and it’s like I can see where I was but I can’t reach it and I just…” 

“Hey,” he said again, taking your face in his hands. “Look at me. It’s OK. We’re in this together, you and me. It don’t matter how long it takes, what you need, as long as you’re here. When you were gone… I wasn’t sure I’d be able to go back without you…” 

“Joel…”

“Nothin’ really seemed worth it unless you were there, too,” he said. “That hasn’t changed and it’s not going to. Don’t matter how long it takes or what you need, it’s you and me. I’ve got you, baby. Always.” 

You nodded and burrowed into his neck and he held you until you were still and calm, drifting off in his arms. With you close like that, he managed to find sleep, too, passing out harder than he had since the two of you had come back to Jackson. He slept so hard that he didn’t feel you get out of bed in the night. 

It was still dark when he woke up and found himself alone, the bed cold. 

“Bambi?” He said quietly. But he didn’t expect you to answer. Something in him knew you were gone.

He got up quickly then, checking the bathroom and the living room and the kitchen and the porch but you weren’t anywhere. 

His heart raced. 

“Fuck,” he swore, wondering if you might have gone to see the girls or if he’d just scare them if he went there to check. He looked out the window, anyway, but their place was still dark. He tried to think of where else to go when it occurred to him, what you’d said in bed just a few hours earlier. The horses. You’d mentioned the horses. 

He shoved his feet into his boots, not bothering to tie them, and ran to the stable, the faintest hint of dawn starting on the horizon. He damn near skidded to a stop at the fence, his bad leg throbbing, but he didn’t care. You were there, getting to your feet from the dirt in the middle of the paddock, a determined look on your face. 

“Got news for you,” you said to the horse in front of you, one of the stallions you’d been working with before Cody took you. “Not gonna beat me that easy. I know it’s scary, know it’s hard but I promise it’s good for you. Just gotta let me take care of you.” 

He watched you pet and soothe the animal for a moment before you pulled yourself roughly onto the horse’s back with a pained groan. It immediately rebelled, bucking and thrashing, but you held on, long enough that Joel thought you’d outlast the horse when it managed to dislodge you and you flew, landing with a sickening thud on the dirt. 

“Shit,” Joel jumped the fence, running for you as the horse took off to the other side of the paddock. You groaned and shoved yourself up onto your hands as Joel reached you and you jumped a little when he touched you. He helped you sit up and you tried to stand but he held you down. You frowned, watching him. “Baby, what are you doin’ out here? It’s…” 

“I can’t keep letting them go like this,” you said, your eyes wide. “They need help, they need to learn how to live here, if I just let them keep going back to what they were it will be harder and and harder to get them to where they need to be!” 

“Sweetheart, you’re still recovering,” he said. “You can’t push it, you’ll…”  

“I need to do this, Joel,” you said softly, your hand with the missing fingers finding his cheek. “Please, let me.” 

He watched you for a moment, seeing you - the determined, forceful you - in your eyes for the first time in weeks. He tried to stifle his fear and he pressed a kiss to your forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment before pulling back. 

“I’ll be right here,” he smiled softly. “It’s you and me.” 

You gave him a small smile in return before getting up and going to the horse, talking to him for a moment before getting right back on. 

Next chapter

A/N: This is it, just one little chapter left to say goodbye to these characters we've been with for a year now! I can't believe we're finally here, it feels like I've been writing this story forever. Thank you so much for sticking with it even as I took a million years to finish and left you hanging time and again. This story was a big learning experience for me and I appreciate you hanging in there through it. Thank you for spending your time here and for loving them and making sharing this story so special. It means everything to me.

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[heloflor]

Ok so last week I saw the videos/screenshots talking about fop Peri which got me a bit curious about this show, and after seeing “Battle of the Dimmsonian” and especially the Cosmo-Wanda-Peri part of “Lost in Fairy World” (there’s someone on Tumblr posting clips of all the Peri-centric moments since his debut), I was genuinely impressed with how the characters were written and I wanted to gush about them! On top of doing some overanalysis of those characters. Btw I also saw some clips from “Operation: Birthday Takeback” (again the Cosmo-Wanda-Peri side of it).

So here’s a post talking about Cosmo and Wanda’s relationship with Peri, Peri in general, Peri with Dev and a few other random thoughts about the early episodes given this made me start to watch the show (ended up making it its own post), though I haven’t gone far yet (I’m on like episode 5-6, which is episode 4a or something). On that note, take what I say in this post with a HUGE grain of salt since I don’t have the full context for Dev’s character arc.

Tl;Dr: The Fairywinkle-Cosmas are adorable, loving but also realistic in their portrayal.

Peri is the definition of “20 years-old who recently left his parents’ home” and I love him for it.

Dev and Peri are a terrible match due to Peri’s inexperience, Dev not taking him seriously, and Dev’s daddy issues making it hard for him to connect with a fairy who has loving parents.

(Btw on top of the characters moments, what made me start to watch the show is also the fact it’s apparently incredibly wholesome and fun + apparently the writers of “Infi//nity Train” worked on it (and if that’s true it’s crazy how nobody is talking about it to bring in new fans; I mean remember when the Duck//tales reboot came out and everyone pointed out how the writers of Gra//vity Falls worked on it? We should do the same thing here, at least again if it’s true) + Hartman isn’t involved and it’s hilarious how the creator of those characters not getting involved is a good thing)

Oh and spoilers for “Battle of the Dimmsonian”, “Lost in Fairy World” and “Operation: Birthday Takeback”! (4.6k Words below)

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Ok so “Lost In Fairy World” and why I love its characters’ writing so much. I’m actually going to start by the lesson at the end and build from there as it seems like the best way to get a train of thought going.

So the lesson of the episode for me was basically a “new hire vs experienced employees” with a second layer added due to the three fairies being family, and that’s already something I really appreciate!

By the end of the episode, Cosmo and Wanda learn that they need to back off and let Peri do his thing. He’s an adult, he got hired for a reason, let him do his own trial and error and learn his own way. But at the same time, Peri shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help or advice if he needs it, the more experienced people are here for that! And again, there’s the family layer to that discussion that I really like, with Cosmo and Wanda being particularly clingy bc Peri is their son, while Peri is particularly embarrassed to ask them for help because they’re his parents, probably not helped by the fact he likely very recently left their home and seeks his independence.

And that’s another thing I absolutely love after watching this episode and “Battle of the Dimmsonian”, with “Operation: Birthday Takeback” adding to it as well: Honestly, Peri has to be one of the most realistic depictions of “20-something who just left his parents’ house” I’ve ever seen (yeah I don’t watch much stuff outside of cartoons, working on that). They somehow managed to make him very clearly be an adult with adult responsibilities, all the while giving him a level of inexperience and immaturity that reminds you he’s still young.

Giving some examples, the way he talks in general makes it obvious he’s an adult, and when introducing himself to Dev + telling him he can’t visit Fairy World in “Lost in Fairy World”, he has that suave put-together personality to himself. But at the same time this suave personality crumbles the second Dev opens him mouth.

And on top of that, Peri’s one day into his job and his already exhausted, spends the entirety of his debut episode worrying about what his parents will think of his career choice, and in stressful situations tends to turn towards others for help very quickly (reading Da Rules, low-key panicking a bit and looking at his parents in “Lost in Fairy World”, hiding when facing Vicky, moments like those).

There are also those moments where he either acts or sounds childish (with his voice even getting a bit higher), like when Wanda asks if he has a godkid plus him hiding behind his wand right before that, and earlier on when he didn’t want them to see him, the “my wand is missing” line and tracker line in “Lost in Fairy World” (the “sowwy” when telling them his tracker is off tho), the ending of this episode as well when he apologizes to them, also when his parents tell Jorgen that Peri did nothing wrong and he lets them take the fall, or that moment in “Operation: Birthday Takeback” when he goes “moooom” with a whine.

That’s actually something I absolutely love about those interactions, and why I find them realistic. It could have been SO easy for the writers to make Peri act like an adult all the time while his parents are the coddling cringy kind that make him look like a kid. But instead, it comes from both sides. You can clearly tell from how Cosmo and Wanda act that he’s their baby boy, but you can also see from Peri’s dialogues and actions that they are his parents. And I am so happy they took this direction!

So yeah, Peri is the most “young adult who just left the nest” ever and I absolutely adore this characterization. He’s an adult with a job and responsibilities, but he’s still young and can find himself relying on his parents or talking to them in a childish way. Such good character work!

Another thing I love about their dynamic that we see very well in “Lost in Fairy World” is just how much those three love each other. That’s something I did hear about this show, that it was a lot more fun and sweet (compared to the og which could be very cruel and cynical when it wanted), and you can really see it with those three.

With Cosmo and Wanda taking over Peri’s job, you can tell they’re not doing it out of any malice or feeling that Peri can’t do it. Heck if you pause at the scene where Peri tells Dev he can’t go to Fairy World, after he’s done talking and right before Cosmo takes another picture, you can see Cosmo and Wanda looking at Peri with the biggest smile (and it’s adorable!). And it’s the same with the rest of the episode. If anything, they’re so used to taking care of godkids that they just do it out of habit, without realizing they’re causing an issue.

Heck I’d even theorize that their behavior is partly due to their time with Timmy, hence it being a force of habit. For a long time (possibly 50 years if that one secret wish is canon), Poof/Peri was with his parents helping with Timmy, but he wouldn’t do much besides granting wishes. Poof couldn’t talk, so most of the time he’d just stand there while his parents did all of the talking. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of this was the reason why Cosmo and Wanda are straight up talking over Peri in “Lost in Fairy World”, they just got used to do so when taking care of Timmy and are now getting back into this habit.

On top of that, Cosmo and Wanda are just excited to finally be with their son again after their 10 thousand years-long vacation. Plus, when Peri does call them out, by the end of it they acknowledge their mistake and apologize, promising to back off. And while they remain cuddly towards him, from the looks of it they did stop coming in-between Peri and Dev, letting their son do his thing.

Also worth noting that, despite doting on Peri, they still very much talk to him like they would talk to an adult. Yes they hug him a lot (and I mean a lot) and call him pet names, and they were definitely excited to see him again in “Lost in Fairy World”, but other than that they clearly respect him as an adult, listening to him and trusting him. I’m not going to list examples because it’s basically every dialogue in which they don’t “baby” him. That being said I feel like “Operation: Birthday Takeback” displays it the best from what I’ve seen of it.

As for Peri’s side on this, he’s annoyed by his parents stepping in but it’s obvious he doesn’t hate them at all, quite the opposite. He just wants them to take him seriously as an adult, which is understandable. Also the fact he isn’t afraid to call them out is a very good sign. On that note, I love how when telling them his tracker is off, he actually apologizes (though he doesn’t have to, his reasoning for turning it off is understandable, and I appreciate he tells them those reasons!).

Also I live for that scene at the beginning of “Operation: Birthday Takeback” when his parents ask for a tour of the house (btw love Wanda telling him they’re ready to get him out of there if needed), they show interest in his suggestion, which makes Peri smile sheepishly. It’s such a cute moment and to me really shows Peri wanting to be seen as an adult and enjoying being seen that way by them, but also how he’s clearly attached to them! Idk it’s just a very cute moment! I love those three!

Also kind of a last minute addition before moving to Peri and Dev but looking at “Operation: Birthday Takeback”, I can’t help but laugh at how at the very beginning, the second the godkids are doing their own thing, Cosmo and Wanda throw themselves at their son. It’s very sweet. Also I love the implication that they’re here bc they’re Hazel’s godparents and need to stay with her, but also they really wanted any excuse to see their son!

And the reason why I say last minute addition is because this made me realize that Cosmo and Wanda do act pretty differently towards the godkids compared to Peri, which I find to be an interesting detail that makes their characters more complex in a way. Like yes, Cosmo and Wanda are very parental types, but to an extent you can see a line between them being with their godkids, who they are here to mentor and steer in the right direction for a few months until the kid is happy, and them being with their son, who they raised from infancy and isn’t going anywhere.

Now that’s not to say that Cosmo and Wanda don’t love their godkids, it’s obvious how much they adore those kids and care for them and probably remember each and every single one of them, but yeah you can still see a bit of a difference. At the very least, from what I’ve seen so far they can’t help but hug Peri literally everytime they have an excuse to do so, while having a bit more boundaries with Hazel.

But again, that’s a last minute thought and I’ve only seen a handful of episodes, so I might be wrong on that. Take it with a grain of salt. Still, I find it interesting to have those characters who are basically social workers and how there’s a bit of a difference between the kids they take care of for their “job” and the kid they have in their personal life. Again, that’s not to say they aren’t attached to the godkids, they are.

But yeah, all of this to say, the way the Fairywinkle-Cosma family is written in “Lost in Fairy World” honestly blew me away and really got me invested into watching this show, with “Battle of the Dimmsonian” and “Operation: Birthday Takeback” only adding to it (and I’m probably looking way too much into this and making it sound like the writing of this episode is much deeper than it actually is; I’m obsessed with this disaster (affectionate) of a family, help).

As for the part about Peri and Dev, basically there’s an element of Cosmo and Wanda talking over Peri in “Lost in Fairy World” that I wanted to explore, but then “Operation: Birthday Takeback” came out and there’s that moment in the “breakup” scene where Dev talks about his father not noticing his fairy while Peri is being hugged by his parents in the background. And while this is a visual gag, Cosmo and Wanda’s action in this scene actually fits very well thematically and made me realize something about how Dev might feel about Peri.

So now you’re getting a whole section about how Dev and Peri are a terrible match for each other, due to three main reasons:

1. The one everyone already talked about, Peri is severly underqualified. While you could say he’s been a godparent since he was a baby, back then all he did was grant wishes while his parents dealt with the talking + emotional support. Not only was he doing a small part of the job, he also had his parents, other more qualified fairies, helping him. Also the scene with Vicky tells us that Peri doesn’t have the best memories of his time as a baby, which is fair enough.

(note that I believe he was 7-8 years old when he had to say goodbye to Timmy, so he does remember him. As for Vicky, Timmy’s parents likely stopped hiring her once their son was 13-14, hence why Peri only has blurry memories of her, he would’ve been a toddler at best by then)

So yeah, Dev is Peri’s first kid, and Peri is not qualified for him. He loses his patience with the cupcakes, bites back when Dev is short and snappy with him (the classroom scene at the end of the “under//tale” episode, yeah I haven’t watched this one outside of this scene; and the beginning of “Operation: Birthday Takeback” with the flying shoes) and don’t get me started on Peri telling Dev in “Battle of the Dimmsonian” to give the staff back because “what will my parents say if my first godkid dies on me!”

Like PERI??? MAYBE DON’T SAY TO THE KID WITH ABANDONMENT ISSUES THAT YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT HIS WELLBEING BECAUSE YOU WANT TO IMPRESS YOUR PARENTS??? JUST A THOUGHT???

(note that I do believe Peri cares for Dev, it’s just that what he says here really comes off as him not caring, and since Dev is the one hearing what Peri says in that scene...)

Also obviously there’s the ending of “Operation: Birthday Takeback”. Tbh I don’t blame Peri much for this one since, again, he’s severely underqualified, but yeah his response to Dev’s wish was not the right one, which is reflected by Dev reacting with a frustrated scream which honestly made me feel bad for this kid. Peri going “as you wish” is just too distant and “professional”. That’s a kid in a vulnerable state! He needed comfort! Sure Peri had to go because Dev literally wished for it, but a more qualified fairy would have known what to say, if only something along the lines of “take all the time you need, I’ll be there for you once you feel better”.

So yeah, Dev is deeply hurting and a complete newbie who doesn’t have the patience or positivity for it was not going to make things better.

2. What I originally wanted to say about “Lost in Fairy World” before 3. showed its head: I think Cosmo and Wanda being around inadvertently makes things worse for the duo.

Thing is, Dev is a difficult kid. Because of that, I think that in order for him to open up to his fairy, said fairy needs to earn his respect so to speak. And not to say Dev’s fairy should be full on authoritative, but yeah they definitely need to be someone Dev respects and listens to, which is not the case for Peri. And I think the main reason why has to do with Peri’s relationship with his parents.

Basically, kids are smarter than we give them credit for and are observant as well. And what did Dev see his fairy do? Spend the first day on the job being terrified of meeting his parents who turned out to be incredibly sweet people. Then in “Lost in Fairy World” it honestly looks like Peri, Cosmo and Wanda just wanted to catch up and brought the kids for the heck of it, and Dev gets to see his fairy being babied by his parents, along with said parents talking over him. Then as said before there’s also Peri going “mooom” in front of Dev in “Operation: Birthday Takeback”.

And about “Lost in Fairy World”, there’s that moment in the beginning where Cosmo and Wanda tell Dev he can’t go to fairy world, only for Peri to step in and basically repeat the exact same thing as his parents (the “trial” part from Cosmo and “I can’t let you go” from Wanda). And while this line is a joke, I do think it’s important for Peri to put his foot down like that.

Because yeah, Peri is the one Dev should be listening to. It’s not just a question of “this is Peri’s job”, it’s also about Dev seeing Peri as an adult. But with Cosmo and Wanda, it’s a bit more complicated.

This is also another element I really like about this episode, Peri needing to be the one doing the talking so that Dev can take him seriously as a potential guardian.

But yeah, the thing is, it’s not working. Peri’s immaturity shines with his lack of patience for the kid, which Dev picks up on, leading the two of them to get snappy with each other on “even ground” in a way, which doesn’t help Peri’s case. And on top of that you have Cosmo and Wanda, who even with their eccentric side remain mature adults (and I love how them being eccentric doesn’t make them seem any less adult; love adults being allowed to have fun and be themselves without being shamed or called childish for it!).

Now as far as I’m aware the show never really talks about this, but I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if Cosmo and Wanda being around played a role in Dev’s perception of Peri. Not only because of them being mushy parents as previously discussed, but also because they are clearly older and more experienced than Peri, making it harder for Dev to take Peri seriously. Hopefully this makes sense?

And speaking of Dev with Cosmo and Wanda, I actually get the feeling he somewhat respects them? At least more than Peri? And on that note, there’s that scene at the very beginning of “Operation: Birthday Takeback” that I find both adorable but also pretty depressing when it comes to Dev.

When Cosmo, Wanda and Hazel show up, they ask if Dev’s dad is here, to which he mentions “Project H”. And at that Cosmo makes a comment about this project being a big surprise party, and yeah this moments gets me.

Because for a second there, Dev actually smiles. He knows that what his dad is doing has nothing to do with the party, he says so himself in response to Cosmo, but he still smiles, because he understands that Cosmo is trying to cheer him up and appreciates the effort. Idk this gets me, especially also seeing the way Wanda and Peri are looking wary as Cosmo keeps talking, clearly unsure of how Dev will react.

Like am I making a big deal out of a ten seconds moment? Probably. But there’s just something about this sad kid closing himself off whenever his problems are brought up, acting like an entitled brat most of the time as a coping mechanism, yet when this random adult he vaguely knows tries to cheer him up, he’s able to understand it and appreciate it. Idk, again, it just gets me. And sadly it really shows how bad of a match Peri and Dev are. Peri hasn’t been able to get any sort of progress with this kid, but the second his dad shows up and talks a bit suddenly the kid is giving a sincere smile. Yeah…

Now granted in regards to Dev respecting Cosmo and Wanda more, it might also have to do with them not being his godparents, considering Dev is basically using Peri as some sort of servant at times since he’s a spoiled brat and all.

Finally for this part, I want to bring up that scene in the secret lair with Vicky showing up, because to me this is a very good example of Peri actually failing Dev, which in this case will make the kid not take him seriously (on top of not earning his trust and being frustrated with him).

Now I will say, I can’t blame Peri for panicking the way he does upon seeing Vicky (btw I forgot to mention it earlier but the way he goes “lalala” and continues while turning into a drone and looking at the banging door in horror is so real. Again Peri is peak young adult energy). He’s had to deal with that woman since he was a literal infant, of course he’s going to be traumatized!

Still, Dev doesn’t know that. All he knows is that there’s this scary lady his and Hazel’s fairies know about, but he has no idea what history is between them outside of “she was terrible to our previous kid and scares us”. Also he’s 10 and has a bad home-life making him selfish, I don’t think he can fully understand the adults around him being traumatized.

But yeah, all this to say, in this scene, Peri is completely paralyzed, hiding behind the others waiting for Vicky to leave, letting his parents do the talking. And yep, we yet again go back to Cosmo and Wanda being the mature adults around here. Also worth noting that once Vicky puts on the nice act, Hazel stops being afraid of her but Dev still looks intimidated!

In that moment, Peri should have been there to protect Dev. That’s his job as a godfairy. His kid was scared and in potential danger. Yet Peri did absolutely nothing. Instead he stayed hidden, technically behind his kid which means using Dev as cover, and who came to both his and Dev’s rescue? Cosmo and Wanda, the other two fairies in the room, who are clearly more mature and are Peri’s parents.

And again, I don’t blame Peri for being paralyzed in fear like that, but how do you explain that to Dev? How do you tell that kid that he’s braver than his adult magical all-powerful fairy? That while he had to stand and somewhat confront Vicky, that adult fairy that’s supposed to protect him went hiding behind mommy and daddy? Hell from what I’ve seen, earlier in the episode the kids do stand up to Vicky, which makes Peri’s actions worse!

So yeah, hopefully this whole part makes sense as it feels a bit like a mess. The main takeaway here is that Dev needs a fairy that he can see as an almost parental figure, someone he clearly views as an adult and respects as such, that way he can have someone he can trust and be comfortable with, easing him into breaking down his walls. But Peri isn’t any of that. He’s a young adult which makes him still quite immature, and on top of that his parents basically live next door, thus leading Dev to see his fairy getting treated like a kid. It just can’t work out between them as long as they stay like that.

3. Finally, the part related to that moment of Dev talking about his dad while looking at the fairies: Dev has some serious daddy issues related to his father never paying attention to him on account of being a piece of shit who only cares about himself. And the thing is, Dev doesn’t have anyone he can relate to on that front (saying this since it’s hard for him to open up, so having someone with similar issues could be a bit of a push for him).

Hazel has caring parents whose main issue is being busy, on top of her fairies who clearly love her and spend a lot of time taking care of her. Now I haven’t seen much of the school kids but also Dev isn’t exactly close to any of them apparently? Meaning that in any case he can’t relate to them.

Then there’s this fairy that shows up, meant to cater to him but also help him emotionally, and wouldn’t you know this guy talks about wanting to impress his parents and being afraid of them! No but seriously, thinking about it, I can’t help but wonder if for a moment Dev thought he and Peri could bond over family issues, at least subconsciously. But nope! As soon as Peri reunites with his folks, turns out they’re the sweetest most loving parents ever.

I’m actually surprised that from the looks of it the show doesn’t draw a parallel between Dev and Peri on that front. I mean you have a kid with an incredibly absent parent who wants nothing more than to get his dad’s attention, being taken care of by a fairy who finds his parents’ attention suffocating and just wants them to leave him alone. There’s interesting storytelling potential here, especially when taking into account how much those two struggle to get along (basically Peri’s family situation making Dev feel worse in a way due to his confusion as to why Peri puts a bit of distance between himself and his parents)

Which loops back to that scene at the end of “Operation: Birthday Takeback” with Peri getting hugged by his parents while Dev is opening up about his daddy issues and how this visual gag fits the theme of the scene. Dev is feeling like shit about his father not loving him meanwhile the fairy that’s supposed to take care of him is being cuddled by his incredibly loving parents who adore him.

On that note, there’s an element I haven’t touched on in this episode, and it’s the fact that Hazel and Dev were in trouble with Vicky but didn’t have their fairies to protect them due to the trio visiting the house. While this scene is another example of Peri failing Dev, what I find most interesting about it is the fact that Peri “abandoned” Dev to spend time with his parents. Idk, I can’t help but think that this detail twists the knife even further for Dev. Not only was his fairy not here to protect him, but his absence is due to him hanging out with his parents who love him and wanted to spend time with him.

Speaking of which, I wonder if Dev is also angry at the fact that Cosmo and Wanda are able to take care of Hazel and be there for her whenever she needs while still finding the time to hang out with their son and be involved in his life. In a way it’s further proof that Dale is an atrocious parent, at least when taking into account Dev’s pov since I doubt a kid his age spends a lot of time hanging out with other parents, so Cosmo and Wanda are basically the only couple he can compare his father to. Basically I could see Dev noticing how much Cosmo and Wanda do and it making him feel even worse about why his dad doesn’t love him the same.

But yeah all this to say, just like everyone else in his life, Peri can’t understand Dev’s issues with his father, issues that are the core reason why he has a fairy in the first place. On top of that, Peri not only has the one thing Dev wants, but the kid sees him push it away on numerous occasions.

And that’s the end of what I wanted to say here. Hopefully this isn’t too much of a mess since I’m writing this while sick + sleep-deprived due to illness + haven’t watched much of the show past a few episodes and the clips on Tumblr.

On that note, yet again please take this post with a grain of salt, especially the Dev-Peri part. I originally just planned on gushing about “Lost in Fairy World” and how much I love the Fairywinkle-Cosma in it, but seeing the ending of “Operation: Birthday Takeback” made me want to talk a little more about Dev. That being said given how little I’ve watched there’s probably a lot I’m missing about this kid, so by no means do I think this analysis is perfect (also, the fact I’m writing this while ill…). Now Dev does seem to be a “predictable” character, hence why I feel somewhat comfortable writing this despite seeing so little, but again I might be wrong.

(Btw when I say Dev is predictable I’m in no way saying it negatively, quite the opposite! I love that him getting a fairy low-key made him worse, and I’m very curious as to how they’re going to resolve him spiraling the way he’s currently doing.)

In any case, thanks for reading!

[lunisoular]

Hello!!

I wanted to ask if you had any asl brother fanfictions??

I'm literally not even close to those episodes but I've seen so many spoilers and art about them that I'm already obsessed lmao

It's totally cool if you don't have any or just don't want to share, it just seems like you would know some good one lol

Hope you have a good day! 😁

SO SORRY FOR THE LATE RESPONSE tumblr hasnt been notifying me lately

there’s so many fics i’ve gone insane over i’d be overjoyed to share !!!!!

i don’t know if u or anyone else want to avoid major spoilers, but just in case, i put a red star (*) next to those that have them 😗

light up, light up - taizi

aaah taizi has so many great fics but this is one of my favorites; u can go thru all their op works to find more i didn’t list. it’s focused around sabo and is like a role reversal. definitely teared up

a little murder never killed anybody - loserlife592

family reunion !! asl expresses their ways of affection and boggles some minds. so cute……..

a song to bring you home - taizi

canon divergence—not sure how much u’ve seen, but it’s definitely still worth the read. it’s wonderful and cute and makes me ILL

without you by my side - capisback

ace and luffy get into a small scuffle; ace figures things out eventually. brotherly love….. oh im dead on the floor it’s wonderful

fish day (it takes a village) - hyperbolicreverie

luffy drags ace and sabo to a festival. they have fun, there’s cool villager dialogue that never fails to satisfy me, and cuteness

*all for one - missmungoe

okay i have a fair amount of alternate marineford fics but damn it i am nothing if not a sucker for good endings. read if ur fine with slight spoilers lol !! good bonding moments

soft and quiet and peaceful - whirlybird70

snow day….. just some nice fluff. can never go wrong with that

where the wild things are - space_ghost_with_the_most

FRIEND GHOST HAS LOVELY FICS !! u should check them out !!! 23k words of feral jungle children asl and it’s WONDERFUL

light up the sky (with you) - whirlybird70

luffy once again drags ace and sabo to have an adventure, this time with fireworks !! + makino cameo. it’s so cute the way they’re written…. !!

bedtime rituals - poisonstain

sweet n soft sickfic…… the series is about something different, this is a flashback, so u can check out the other fics in it if u’d like !

signal lamps - cowboy_emoji

ace and luffy catch fireflies, dadan and luffy talk a bit about ace. luffys his weirdly perceptive self; dadan continues to deal with them. love <3

*take a step in mine - soccersarah01

another alternate marineford—if ur fine with spoilers, it’s good ! it takes a sec, but sweet asl reunion <3

*time moves through you - lampalot7

technically only ace and luffy but i’ve reread this one so many times. it does have both marineford and gear 5 spoilers tho, so keep that in mind if u want to avoid them. time travel, little luffy cameo, AUGH it’s all so cute

*there is thunder in our hearts / you were always gold to me - taizi

these are also both alternate marineford + the latter gear 5, sorry 🫢 i think u get the gist by now

put your faith in what you most believe in - taizi

taizi just has lovely asl fics it’s insane. sickfic, sabo worries, but they both feel better in the end <3

here in spirit - lampalot7

GHOST ASL FIC !!!!! i’ve loved it for a while, and it inspired a few aspects of my own ghost au. made me cry……. god i love ghosts

close calls (or, monkey d. dragon’s no good, very bad day) - isntitlupintic

dragon’s perspective and focuses a lot on him, but there are some sweet asl moments !!! dragon saves the day !

[xaharadesert]

10 of my Favourite Horror (Adjacent) Movies and Why You Should Watch Them

(Not in any particular order or subgenre. TW are super vague, spoiler-free, and from my memory, but I would recommend looking up more specific ones before watching any of these if you are easily triggered. Not all triggers are listed because these are horror movies, so stuff like death and murder is to be expected.)

Let me know if y’all want a part 2, because I’ve got about 7 more! (It could have been one post if Tumblr didn’t limit my images to 10)

1. Parasite

A struggling lower class family slowly integrates itself into the household of a rich family without their knowledge.

Most of you have already seen this one, or been told to watch it. I am no different: this movie is popular for a very good reason. Divided into 3 clear acts, starting with comedy, and making its way through drama into horror. Also, great commentary on classism, very psychological at times and makes you wonder who you should really be rooting for.

Scary: 2/10

Gore: 3/10

Disturbing: 5/10

Psychological: 6/10

Actual genre: Dark comedy thriller

2. The House That Jack Built

Serial killer Jack recounts some of his most influential murders.

A bit infamous and controversial for being very messed up, but still really good. Highly psychological, with a lot of narration and use of metaphor. Especially fun if you have any knowledge of Dante’s Inferno. Definitely not one to watch if you want a protagonist to root for.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 6/10

Disturbing: 10/10

Psychological: 8/10

Actual Genre: psychological horror art

TW: sexism, corpse mutilation

3. Creep (1&2)

A man is hired to help film messages from a dying man to his son.

I’m usually not a fan of found-footage, but there’s something special about Creep. On top of that, this is one of the few movies where I can confidently say I like the sequel more, which is shocking because the first one was amazing. Very funny and off-beat, with a sense of foreboding underlying the whole thing.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 1/10

Disturbing: 3/10

Psychological: 4/10

Actual genre: found footage psychological horror

4. Mother!

A woman and her poet husband live quietly in a secluded house away from society.

Very metaphorical and highly feminist; definitely not a movie that everyone appreciates, but if you enjoy analysis or just being really weirded out then this is a good for you. Starts slow and snowballs toward the horrific climax.

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 7/10

Disturbing: 7/10

Psychological: 8/10

Actual genre: psychological horror

TW: cannibalism

5. Perfect Blue

Mima is a young pop star looking to join the acting industry.

Brutally realistic to the point where I had to stop watching and take a walk at one point. Very much “female rage” and a protagonist that will live in your head rent free for the next 6 years (or maybe that’s just me). Very triggering in a lot of ways, but worth it if you’re not sensitive to the topics it covers.

Scary: 5/10

Gore: 4/10 (animated)

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 10/10

Actual genre: psychological thriller

TW: depersonalization/derealization, nudity, stalking, rape scene (she is acting in a tv show but it is still the most uncomfortable scene of the movie), inaccurate portrayal of DID

6. Midsommar

A couple and their friends go on a vacation to their friend’s remote hometown for a Midsommar festival.

Probably the best-known out of this list, and again for a good reason. 90% of the film takes place in broad daylight, and the visuals are absolutely gorgeous. Once again will bring up the question of who is in the right and who is in the wrong (I have the answer to this question and I will fight you in dms if you’d like).

Scary: 3/10

Gore: 8/10

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 7/10

Actual genre: folk horror

TW: long and graphic sex scene, nudity, close up and graphic gore, cult stuff, suicide

7. The Call

A woman moves back to her childhood home and receives a call from the woman who lived there 30 years prior.

I got really into modern Asian horror films a few months ago and this is one of my favourites. The dynamic between the protagonist and antagonist is one of my favourites, and finishing this movie felt like finishing a 3 season TV show because of how well paced it was. Really hoping there will be a sequel with the same concept, even if it is not likely.

Scary: 6/10

Gore: 3/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 6/10

Actual genre: psychological thriller

TW: abuse

8. Incantation

A cursed woman takes back custody of her young daughter and does everything she can to keep away the effects of her curse.

This one was popular on TikTok for a while, and for good reason. Another found footage in a more traditional sense, and a bit confusing at times, but overall a really solid scary story. Very cool effects as well.

Scary: 6/10

Gore: 4/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 5/10

Actual genre: supernatural horror

TW: derealization

9. Pearl

A farm girl dreams about leaving home and living as a show girl.

Mia Goth is a national treasure, but we all knew that already. I watched this one before X (the actual first movie) because I didn’t know they were connected, but I much preferred this one. The Wizard of Oz vibes combined with Pearl’s unsettling behaviour made is a really creep film to watch.

Scary: 4/10

Gore: 4/10

Disturbing: 6/10

Psychological: 5/10

Actual genre: horror

TW: porn

10. The Platform

A man is stuck in a prison where a platform of food is lowered through the layers of cells for inmates to eat as they please.

I’m a sucker for psychological movies that take place in a very limited space. If you’ve ever played and enjoyed the game Presentable Liberty then I’m gonna go ahead and say you’ll like this too. Not every question is answered, but the film is more about the human condition than the prison they inhabit, so it’s not too much of a problem.

Scary: 2/10

Gore: 9/10

Disturbing: 8/10

Psychological: 9/10

Actual genre: social science fiction horror

TW: cannibalism, suicide

[randomyuu]

there's a lover in the story, but the story's still the same

Ahh, don’t you love it when fear motivates your drawing mood? (not really)

That’s what I felt reading the scene that is drawn below. It’s fear for Yuuji but also feeling excited picturing an emotionless teen!Gojou so here I am. Always down bad for Vox’s Goyuu fics, aren’t I? *sighs*

Welp, here we go.

Title: there’s a lover in the story, but the story’s still the same

Author: @voxofthevoid

Second fic of the series there’s a lover in the story, but the story’s still the same

Pairing YuuGo, NSFW, please read the tags carefully before giving it a read... the usual drill ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

!!! SPOILER FOR THE FIC !!!

Highly recommend you guys to read them first. Or not, it’s up to you honestly :v

Usually I would gush about the fic but I’ve already done that under the fic itself so I just want you to know this comic is solely carried by me wanting to draw the ticking time bomb called teen!Gojou-post-discussion-with-adult!Ieiri. You could probably guess what they’re talking about :”)

The fear for Yuuji’s well-being started this, but Satoru’s cold eyes kept me going. I can’t get rid of it from my mind lmao

You can say drawing these kind of expressions is my jam   (￣▽￣)

I hope I did Satoru’s emotions justice haha

A bit of my thoughts and doodle below. Unhinged maybe, it’s midnight, I got more work to do after this, and my brain cells are barely hanging on. Haha I'm living the life-

I AM STILL REELING FROM THE FACT I MANAGED TO GET THIS DONE.

There are so many things I want to talk about in the process of making this. But after I typed it out, most of them sounded so unnecessary so I rewrote it a few times. I tried to make this as short as possible lmao

Typesetting and sketching are the roughest parts of this project. During these stages, I kept feeling everything I did wasn’t doing the scene enough justice, and it was frustrating. As I planned this project, I read a few doujins and noticed the font types scanlation teams use. There are so many of them, and each helped convey the tone of each image. Felt like crying when I realised I’m not knowledgeable enough to apply good typesetting, ngl. And then the interior design. Fuck, the frustration is so real. I am absolutely clueless about this kind of thing. Tracing lots of references because I have no perception of space makes me feel even worse. I knew first times rarely create a masterpiece, but I was not satisfied with my accomplishment and the feeling of failing to fulfil my own expectations hurt.

BUT.

Thank goodness most of the things I need to draw are Shouko, Yuuji and Satoru. Because dear g o d drawing them healed me. I found so much comfort in drawing Shouko’s long hair and Satoru’s eyes and drowning Yuuji in an oversized hoodie. The comfort zone of character drawing never feels so real lmaooo

Drawing them was so effective that I can look back at the backgrounds with acceptance. Hey, I did it! Not perfect just yet, but I did it!

Haha I feel like I’m losing my mind. I don’t know if it’s in a good way or a bad way. Guess I do have one or two screws loose.

Only for Yuuji lmao

(nah I just need sleep, or cooling down from the rush of having finished this)

It might come off as a surprise if you’ve only seen my art on Tumblr, but I’ve always preferred to draw feminine-leaning ladies. I’ve always loved drawing their curves, whether it’s the figure, the clothes, or the (long) hair. But I’ve grown to like drawing masculine gentlemen as well with their sharp edges and straight lines, and now my ladies start to look more androgynous lmao

Anyway, I was pretty stoked to be able to draw adult!Ieiri! I… I kind of miss drawing long hair so here have some more before you go on your day ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

[dartheclipse0816]

Trolls Band Together

Hello once again, everyone.

At this point, I’m sure you all already know why I’m not as active as I used to be.

But if some of you need a refresher, in Layman's terms, being an adult, with the responsibilities that all comes with being an adult, has left me very busy, and it just caused me to lose interest in Tumblr and only come back for short periods of time, from time to time.

But now, now that the newest Trolls movie, Trolls Band Together, has released, I figured I’d write my thoughts about it.

But before I begin, I must give you all a heads up: There’s going to be major spoilers with what I’m about to talk about, so if you are reading this and haven’t seen the movie yet but still want to see it, if you don’t want the movie to be spoiled, then don’t read this any further. It’s going to have major spoilers.

But, for those who have seen the movie, well, here’s what I have to say:

I loved it.

I loved the music, the animation, the voice acting, as well as the all the new characters and the chemistry between the new and returning characters.

I appreciated that the movie started acknowledging the Bergens again and gave them a more prominent role in the movie after they mostly went ignored for a long time after the first movie, Trolls Holiday, and the first few seasons of TTBGO (even though it and Trollstopia aren’t canon to the movies). Seeing Gristle and Bridget finally getting married and contributing significantly to the plot was nice to see, and cute, I'd say.

I also thought it was cool seeing that Branch also once was part of a band with his four older brothers, and him going through the movie trying to reconnect with them, while difficult for him after they left him in his childhood, was still nice to see, especially with Floyd. It was nice seeing Floyd comfort Branch when he was a baby, and be the most supportive of him throughout the movie next to Poppy, after seeing Branch being the one who always got the short end of the stick for a long time throughout TTBGO and Trollstopia. It really made me smile.

I also liked Camila Cabello as Viva. Seeing the singer who sung Havana voicing Poppy's secret long lost sister, it was cute.

And, of course, seeing *NSYNC appear in the movie and collaborating with Justin Timberlake again after over 20 years, was awesome! Their new song, 'Better Place', gives me the same feeling of joy when I listened to 'Green Light Ride' from Crush 40 when they reunited with the Sonic series after a long break for Team Sonic Racing. It was awesome to hear them back together again in both instances.

I also especially loved seeing the combined band of Branch, his brothers, and Poppy and Viva all singing together for both a remix of 'Better Place' and 'Family', and it made me realize why the film was even titled Band Together, because they were literally banding together!

Now, with all that being said, I did have some issues with the film as well.

The movie's villains, Velvet and Veneer, they felt kinda one-dimensional and shallow. I thought they could’ve spent more time with them to develop their backstories a bit more and make them a bit more fleshed out.

And also, what’s the name of the species of Velvet and Veneer? They never appeared in any of the previous movies, holidays specials, or non-canon shows, and were never implied to or hinted at before, but that we do know about their existence, why don’t the Trolls or Bergens know about them? And also, they have advanced technology that can suck out a Troll's musical talent? And apparently Wi-Fi and social media exists in the Trolls world? What the heck?

Okay, okay, I know most of that doesn’t bother a lot of you guys, but to me, it highlights an ongoing issue I’ve always seen within the Trolls series: Inconsistencies with regards to its world building. I know a lot of you guys have seen it in the non-canon shows, but I also saw it in Trolls World Tour, since that movie introduced Trolls tribes that all have their own unique musical genre. As cool as I thought that was, it also made me think: Do those other musical Troll tribes know about the Bergens? Do the Bergens know about those other Troll tribes?

And speaking of those other Troll tribes, I was also disappointed that they aren’t even seen or mentioned in this movie. It left me very disappointed, since there’s a lot of potential you could do with those other Troll tribes, like make some kind of new evil threat that could threaten the entire Trolls' and Bergens' species, and have all the Troll tribes and Bergens band together (pun intended) to stop that evil threat. That could’ve been awesome!

Oh, and the Snack Pack got reduced to extras, which, like my disappointment with the absence of the other Troll tribes, left me feeling a bit disappointed, since they could’ve done something more with them in this movie.

Other than those things, I really loved the film!

And for all you Trolls fans out there, I think it’s time that I mention the elephant in the room with regards to Broppy.

Finally…

After waiting over seven long years since the first movie…

And seeing a far away version at the end of World Tour…

Branch.

And.

Poppy.

Finally.

At.

Long.

Last…

…

…

…

KISSED.

THEY FINALLY DID IT!!!

BRANCH AND POPPY FINALLY KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE LIPS!!!

IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED!!!

Now, unfortunately, unlike with Trolls World Tour, Trolls Band Together is still in theaters, and I didn’t find any leaked screencaps in time for the writing of this review, but trust me, I’m not kidding, this actually happened in the movie!

And I couldn’t have been more overjoyed to finally see it happen officially, front and center, on screen, and made me cheer in the theater!

And I thought I’d let you all know after being silent for a long time!

Because after waiting for over seven years, after all that waiting, I couldn’t be happier to see that the kiss was well worth the wait.

As a big Trolls fan.

Thank you all for reading this.

And I’ll talk again next time.

Maybe when there’s a new Trolls show or movie?

I guess we’ll just have to wait and find out!

Thank you all once again, and have a wonderful day.

[perhaps-in-anotherdream]

[CN] Victor’s Luolan Date (Eng Translation)

“It appears I’ve already found the rose from the legend, one that will never wither.”

⌚Warning⌚ This post contains detailed spoilers for a date, 楼兰之约, that is yet to be released on the global server! ♡

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

【Subbed Video】    

[Anika's Notes]: tbh ig the VAs were told to soften their voice 10x than usual for this event LOL. The amount of nonverbal sounds—— 😩 also, since Tumblr wants to reduce my workload LOL and won’t allow more than 30 pics, PLS DO WATCH the video for the god-tier voice acting, new bgs, the bgms and sprite alterations too~💕

───────

【Transcript Version】

【Chapter 1】

Victor: If you keep crying for any longer, your eyes might become swollen.

MC: [sobbing]  The ending was simply too unfair. Who can resist crying…

Through the hazy veil of tears, I see the lights in the living room flicker on.

The time-traveling drama I’ve been following all summer aired its series finale tonight. Victor even joined me in watching the web series together after getting off work.

We were chatting about the storyline just fine, until the final scene when my tears began streaming down uncontrollably––

Upon returning to the present day, the heroine enters Luolan once again, only to discover that the once prosperous city has eroded into the long river of time.

But the rose that the Prince of Luolan had carved outside the palace walls still blossoms on the crumbling ruins, quietly awaiting her for a thousand years.

Victor places a towel, radiating warm steam, over my eyes, gradually soothing my emotions.

MC: Don’t you find it beautiful?

Victor: Carving a rose into a stone is quite romantic. I can understand why you like it.

MC: I see absolutely no hint of being moved on your face…

He slightly furrows his brows in response to what sounded like an odd statement to him.

Victor: You’re not expecting us both to cuddle up and cry our eyes off, are you?

A rather peculiar image flashes through my mind, and I can’t help but burst into laughter.

Victor: Crying one moment and laughing the next. Your emotions are truly fickle.

MC: Precisely. Compared with my vivid and overt emotional display, this audience member’s emotions are too composed.

Victor: The selling point of all time-travel dramas mostly revolves around the theme that love can transcend time and space, with endings that can either be joyful or sorrowful.

Victor: This ending was predictable.

MC: But this series is adapted from the legend of the last prince of Loulan!

MC: Additionally, in the last century, a foreign explorer claimed to have seen flower-shaped carved patterns on the stone tiles at the Luolan ruins.

Victor listens quietly, then turns his gaze to me after a brief pause.

Victor: So, is this why you want to visit the Loulan ruins?

MC: Well, it’s not the sole reason. The legend of Luolan’s overnight disappearance has been widely known as a mystical tale. I was originally–– hang on, how did you know I wanted to go there?

The answer to my question is a document he hands to me. Upon closer look, I realize it’s actually the official permit granting access to enter the Luolan ruins.

MC: Why do you have this document too?

Victor: …dummy, it’s yours. Could they have sent it to the wrong person?

I flip through a few pages, and sure enough, find my full name written in the applicant’s box.

MC: I had just woken up when I filled in the address… I guess I subconsciously thought it would be safer to have it sent to you?

Victor: Sweet talker.

He raps my head.

Victor: But I heard that it’s no longer open for public visits.

MC: Yes, indeed~ Currently, only teams on scientific expeditions or those with permits are allowed in.

MC: The conditions for obtaining the permit are so incredibly stringent. I even tried leveraging all my connections, but still couldn’t succeed!

Hearing my words, he gives me a sidelong glance but doesn’t interrupt my unceasing torrent of complacent monologue.

MC: Luckily, I was able to negotiate a documentary collaboration with the local government and received an invitation for sightseeing~ I even signed multiple agreements to protect cultural relics.

Victor: No wonder a certain dummy’s tail is raised high into the sky; it indeed was no easy feat. However––

Victor: [sulking] You just said you had leveraged all your connections. How come I don’t remember myself being among those connections you leveraged?

MC: Because this was meant to be my Qixi Festival surprise for you…

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 2】

Victor: Is this abrupt emergency break also a part of the surprise?

He pinches up the coffee-spattered shirt clinging to his body and stares at me sitting in the driver’s seat, lost for words.

MC: That pit just now was really too tricky…!

Just a few short hours ago, we landed at Luolan Airport. However, upon arrival, we were informed by the airline that our checked luggage had been delayed in the transit city and wouldn’t be delivered until two days later.

To avoid delaying our itinerary, we agreed to deal with the matter of collecting them on our way back. With that settled, I confidently got into the driver’s seat of the RV, and alongside Victor, embarked on a self-driven journey into the desert.

Yet, as expected, things aren’t as uncomplicated as I initially thought.

Looking at his shirt– practically soaked through and with coffee still dripping from it– I promptly grab some tissues and wipe it off for him.

The next second, my gaze suddenly falls upon the carry-on suitcase on the luggage rack. My eyes light up, leading me to pause in my actions.

MC: Why not take it off and wash it immediately? Although, while waiting for the clothes to dry, it seems like you’ll have to either be completely naked––

Unsurprisingly, as I deliberately prolong the final note, his reaction of furrowing his brows is true to my expectations.

MC: Or you could wear the couple’s outfit I packed inside the carry-on luggage for taking photos~

Victor: It seems like occasionally; one can still count on––

However, as soon as I take out two sets of lavish Western Region attire, his voice ceases to be heard.

The gold-plated ornaments chime with a delicate tinkling sound, aggravating the crease between his brows.

Victor: What are these?

MC: Compared to my dancer’s attire, yours is actually a collaboration with the museum, an exact 1:1 replica of the half-sleeved garment worn by the Prince of Loulan back in the day~

Victor: So?

Seeing that he is unmoved, I extend my hand and point to the sign denoting the “uninhabited area” by the roadside.

MC: There’s no place to purchase clothes around here. If you don’t change soon, that coffee stain won’t come off. And then, regardless of what outfit you wear on the return trip, it’ll end up on the news––

MC: 《The CEO of LFG’s Grand Cosplay Elevates Airport Fashion》 or 《The CEO of LFG Spotted in Stained Shirt - Speculations of Bankruptcy》. Your choice?

After quite a while, he compromises with a sigh, taking the clothes from me and walking towards the bathroom at the back of the RV.

Not long after, the sound of water seems to quiet down. In anticipation, I turn my head––

The soft crimson robe barely conceals the glimpses of sculpted and muscular contours underneath, complemented by intricate gold ornaments that adorn him with an air of regal nobility and grace.

Faced with my unblinking gaze fixated on him, he displays a somewhat unnatural expression, which is rarely seen on his face.

Victor: Why aren’t you changing?

MC: [still busy gaping]  What?

Victor: Why am I the only one wearing the couple’s outfit?

MC: Okay, okay, I’ll “accompany” you.

Watching the awkward expression on his face, I can’t contain my laughter and let out a chuckle. Just before his gaze can shoot my way, I hurriedly grab my attire and head to the bathroom.

The desert weather is always fluctuating and unpredictable. Right after I finish changing my clothes, I notice a sudden sandstorm brewing outside the window.

Seemingly catching a sound, his gaze lingers on me for a brief moment, and an almost imperceptible tenderness crests on the arches of his brows.

With the scope visibility diminished, Victor assumes control of the steering wheel, deftly maintaining a steady distance from the swirling sand and wind.

After who knows how long, we finally spot a single-story house coming into view at the end of the yellow sand. Brimming with excitement, I tap the navigation icon to zoom in and get a closer look.

MC: It’s the cultural relics preservation station!

—

Initially, our intention was only to charge the RV. But with the yellow sand swirling around, we find ourselves invited by the stationed personnel, Maizi, to come inside and rest for a bit.

Just as we step inside, a dense mass of sand and stones outside the window surges forward, closing in rapidly.

The sandstorm has begun.

Thoughts of how an entire kingdom was once buried under this very sand spring to mind, and an instinctive fear begins to loom large within me.

The delicate brick house trembles subtly amidst the raging wind, and at this moment, a crisp sound resounds in my ears.

Several pairs of shimmering gold-plated earrings illuminate my dusky field of view. Taking note of my reaction, Maizi places them in front of me.

Maizi: Don’t be scared. Here, we’ve been wearing these kinds of earrings since childhood. They’re like protective charms for children in the desert.

As Maizi speaks, she turns slightly and shows me her earrings. The luster has dimmed a touch, suggesting she’s been wearing them for a long time.

Maizi: These are the ones I made for my kids. If you don’t mind, would you guys like to choose two pairs?

MC: Thank you, but it’s alright.

With a hint of bashfulness, I gesture with my hand and point at Victor’s ears.

MC: Besides, my boyfriend doesn’t have ear piercings.

Maizi: It’s no problem. My eldest son doesn’t have ear piercings either.

With a smile, Maizi offers me a pair of clip-on earrings.

Maizi: Consider them as a wish for your safety and well-being. Take them.

—

As the sandstorm eases up, not wanting to impose any longer, we say our goodbyes and ultimately accept the two pairs of earrings before returning to the RV.

Perhaps due to how terrifyingly unnerving the sandstorm was, Victor doesn’t refuse when I offer to help him wear the clip-on earrings after he’s put the earrings on me.

I take up the clip-on earring and carefully trace my finger over his earlobe to figure out its placement. However, after spending a good amount of time, I still don’t find the ideal position I’m entirely satisfied with.

Victor: Still not done?

MC: Have a little patience. I don’t seem to recall rushing you when you gifted me earrings for the first time~

–

[Tidbits]: AHHH YESSS the call back to their first “kiss” kiss date– “Dazzling Date” 🥺

–

At long last, I find the right spot and fasten the clip. Following this, I can’t help myself and imitate the past actions in my memories, gently cradling his face and leaning in to take a closer look.

The glistening golden pieces dance softly. However, in the next second, a subtle blush at the corner of his eyes captures my attention.

Seeing this, I mischievously continue leaning closer and closer to him. As I catch a momentary hitch in his steady breathing, I deliberately reach out to stroke his earlobe.

MC: Oh gosh, could you be allergic to metal? The corners of your eyes have turned red. Maybe I should take them off…

Before the words fully leave my mouth, I find myself abruptly pulled into his arms.

Victor: They’re on just fine, don’t mess with them.

His arms tighten around me a little more, and I obediently nestle into his embrace, letting the cocoon of safety enfold me.

The swirling underlying tension caused by the dreadful weather finally dissipates, akin to feathers drifting in the air. As drowsiness slowly sweeps over me, I register the sound of my last question being put into words.

MC: Victor, what if we can’t find the remains? What should we do then?

Victor: If we don’t find them this time, we will come back next time.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 3】

[Anika’s Notes]: While I’ll talk about this later, just wanted to say— that the way we get a mere glimpse into how extreme level of PTSD this man has given MC from the main story like— I’m counting fingers for the number of times she got nightmares when he isn’t next to her— (⁠〒⁠﹏⁠〒⁠)

—

A man sits in solitude beneath the palace walls, gazing towards the east for a long, long time.

He has probably repeated the act of carving a million times before. It seems as if the carving knife in his hand has a soul of its own now, each stroke finding its mark with precision, etching deep scars.

Fresh blood trickles down along the blade’s edge, staining the rose with a blood-red hue. Yet, he appears unresponsive to the pain, persistently carving stroke after stroke.

Only when the red headscarf is lifted by the wind does a familiar face emerge before my eyes.

MC: Victor!

I reach out in a panic to touch him, but a sudden onslaught of sand and wind surges forth, engulfing him in the blink of an eye.

–

Startled awake from the nightmare, I instinctively reach my hand to my side, only to find nothing but an empty space.

Victor is not in the car.

Amidst the boundless silence, a distant chime of camel bells suddenly reaches me. Compelled by the sound, I push open the car door––

The sandstorm has ceased at some point, revealing a sky that’s now crystal clear and brilliantly bright.

The curtain of dusk hangs low, but the luminous moon has already ascended in the vault of the heavens, radiating its brilliance alongside the sun.

Among the endless sand dunes, Victor, attired in exquisite garments, guides a pure white camel through the terrain, advancing his way through the light.

Stretching behind him, across the infinite expanse of Lop Desert, stands several silent, solitary, and enigmatic remnants of ancient civilizations.

The breeze dances by, causing his knuckles to gently clasp the upper garment brushing against his grave and stern visage, setting the accessories on his splendid attire to chime with delicate, tinkling sounds.

Perhaps dazzled by the light, he squints his slender eyes and immediately spots my presence. He appears slightly taken aback, but then quickens his stride as he approaches my direction.

In the boundless landscape, with each step he takes toward me, I feel as if he is crossing through a thousand years to reach me.

The scene from the dream resurfaces in my mind once again, and before I can even fully comprehend it, I’m already sprinting toward him with large strides.

I practically crash into his arms.

Victor: [breathes sharply]  Running so fast––

Seeing that I’m breathless and staring fixedly at him without even blinking my eyes, he freezes for a moment. Then, as if realizing something, he envelops me in his arms.

Victor: The Luolan ruins we are heading to are in that direction. We can’t drive there, so I borrowed a camel from Maizi for transportation. 

Victor: It was released to wander in the desert, and I needed to go and guide it back myself. You seemed to be sleeping so soundly, so I didn’t wake you up.

His words are extremely slowed, spoken one at a time. Listening to him, rather than an explanation, it sounds more like he is comforting me.

MC: You weren’t here just now and… I had this strange dream.

With his questioning eyes upon me, I feel compelled to respond honestly.

MC: I dreamt that you turned into the Prince of Loulan and were swept away by the sand...

Victor: [sighs with infinite indulgence and helplessness]  …

MC: You find this amusing?

Hearing my grumbling, he finally can’t hold back a muffled chuckle, drawing his arms around me a little tighter.

Victor: Have you confirmed it now?  – that I haven’t been swept away by the sand?

MC: Who knows, maybe you had gotten swept away! And it was this camel that rescued you and brought you back.

I huff angrily and bicker with him, effectively dispelling the uneasiness that the nightmare had triggered.

However, the camel seems to have caught on something, suddenly swaying its head and coming closer to me.

Momentarily taken aback, I then laugh in spite of myself and reach out to pat it. This gesture seems to act as a signal of some sort, prompting it to obediently lower itself to the ground.

MC: Huh, could it be that I have a natural talent for taming camels?

Victor: It’s more likely a stroke of luck.

As he speaks, he nimbly mounts the camel’s saddle and reaches out to hug me, lifting me up onto it alongside him.

The camel stands up in due course and suddenly leaps into the air, prompting me to let out a subconscious cry of exclamation.

MC: Whoa!

Victor: Hold onto me firmly and sit tight.

After he tugs on the reins, the camel pivots to change its direction and heads toward the ruins.

Probably due to Victor’s presence, I swiftly adapt to the bumpy ride. I even begin swaying my ornaments to create a pleasant sound, echoing in harmony with the camel’s bells.

MC: I feel like I’m a dancer being offered to the Prince of Luolan~

Victor: How come I’m not aware of any dynasty where a prince would rush out of the palace to welcome a dancer?

His teasing leaves me momentarily dumbfounded. It takes me quite a while before I open my mouth to speak, unwilling to resign myself.

MC: I never said the Prince of Luolan is you.

For an instant, Victor seems to stiffen up. When he speaks again, his tone takes on a slight rigidity.

Victor: [sulking] Who is he, then?

MC: …that’s not the important point!

MC: The important point is that you’re the Mr. Husband of my dreams– whom I’ve long set my heart on, and now you’re stealing me away to elope.

Victor: Childish.

A gentle tap lands on my head, and as I tilt my head up, I find myself ensnared by the light of his tender eyes.

MC: You clearly look really happy~

He doesn’t banter any further and only gives a tug on the reins, prompting the camel’s steps to become a bit brisker.

Receding into the distance amid the boundless expanse swept by the northern breeze, the glory and decline, the prosperity and withering of ancient Luolan have long frozen into eternal slumber.

MC: How wonderful!

Victor: What’s got you so moved again?

MC: The weather has cleared, which is wonderful. We’re heading to the ruins without any hiccups, which is also wonderful. But the most wonderful thing is having you by my side, chatting about all sorts of nonsense.

MC: No matter what, everything is wonderful as long as Victor is around.

The jingling tinkle of camel bells accompanies his gentle laughter close to my ears.

Victor: It’s only possible with a certain dummy around.

As the outlines of the ruins become distinct, I turn my head back in exhilaration.

MC: Even if I have to turn this place upside down, I’ll find that stone-carved rose!

His gaze lingers briefly on my arms waving around in excitement, and then he arches an eyebrow.

Victor: It appears crucial for me to remind you that you signed agreements for the preservation of cultural relics. If you do turn this place upside down––

Victor: I won’t be able to save you, even if I were to sell LFG.

—

•─────⋅◍♡◍⋅─────•

—

【Chapter 4】

MC: …it’s all completely weathered away.

As I look at the historical ruins of the ancient kingdom before my eyes, which have gradually been devoured into nothingness by the endless expanse of yellow sand, I can’t resist pouting my lips.

MC: Locating the ruins of the imperial palace itself is akin to a far-fetched tale, let alone finding the stone-carved rose.

Victor: Why are you so hung up on that legend?

MC: Just a bit of anticipation, you know. After all, you see, If I were in that position, I’d surely leave behind some traces for you.

MC: The speculation is that the woman in the tales possessed an Evol similar to yours, which led her to go there. But, due to certain factors, she had no choice but to leave.

Victor: It won’t be the same.

He softly counters my statement, his gaze filled with seriousness.

MC: Hm?

Victor: With me, those factors you mentioned won’t come into existence.

A warm and fuzzy feeling suddenly envelopes my heart. I grin, drawing closer to him.

MC: Guess there’s no way around it. It seems I have no choice but to concede that the legend is, indeed, bogus.

He pauses for a moment, and his lips twitch. But in the end, he doesn’t say anything. Soon, a glimmer of a smile sparkles in his eyes, and immediately after, he tightly clasps my hand.

—

While I’m still in the midst of my puzzlement, a sudden glaring sunlight makes me reflexively squint my eyes. And then, a hot and humid breeze, carrying an exotic fragrance, hits me in the next moment.

After struggling to open my eyes, I curiously peer in the direction of the light, only to find myself frozen right where I’m standing––

Before my eyes lay a quaint-style courtyard adorned with fragrant blossoms. A flowing river winds its way through, its glistening waves reflecting in the sunlight with water that is clear and pristine, hosting schools of fish swimming within.

Compared to me who is filled with utter incredulity, Victor’s expression remains unchanged as if the current sight before us holds no element of astonishment for him.

Could this be a mirage? Puzzled, I gingerly brush the river’s water with the tips of my toes. The cool sensation of the flowing stream leaves me bewildered, prompting me to lift my gaze to the person next to me.

MC: Victor, am I dreaming again?

Victor: Just earlier, didn’t a certain someone say that she wanted me to take her away to elope?

He smiles as he looks at me, and in his eyes, the magnificent beauty and grand scenery of an ancient landscape are reflected.

The lofty dome of the circular palace hall is embellished with ceramic glazed tiles on its overhanging eaves, each detail unmistakably declaring the opulent and prestigious nature of this place.

Atop the roof stands a wooden pagoda reminiscent of those unique to ancient Luolan, and a lush canopy of greenery veils the gray-red palace walls I’ve seen in the drama.

A somewhat daring conjecture surfaces in my mind.

MC: This wouldn’t be the Imperial Palace of Luolan, is it?

Seeing the originator of all this noncommittally raise an eyebrow, I feel my heart tighten and rush to examine him thoroughly, circling around him.

MC: [anxiously, PTSD x2]  A-are you feeling any discomfort?

Victor: [?? laughs helplessly. *screams* DO YOU SEE HOW BADLY YOU GAVE HER AND US MAIN STORY PTSD––] Dummy. I’m not that fragile.

Victor: As long as we manage to sidestep the butterfly effect and avoid impacting the course of history––

Probably noticing that I’m tensely staring into his eyes again, he slips my restless hand into his palm and gives it a gentle squeeze.

Victor: Don’t be so anxious. There won’t be anyone else here for the time being.

Hearing him say this, I poke my head out and gaze at the rare and magnificent view that lay before me.

MC: So, can we take photos?

Victor: Ask your phone.

But I soon realize that my phone is entirely frozen on the lock screen interface and is refusing to respond whatsoever, leaving me with no choice but to resentfully lower my hand.

MC: The phone says it’s not possible…

Victor: That being the case, simply keep your eyes wide open and commit it to your memory.

I let him lead me toward the depths of the courtyard, and along the way, we see the flowers bloom all the more luxuriantly. Unwittingly, I find myself mesmerized by the vista.

It’s not until a glazed table adorned with delicacies and fine wines appears amidst the blossoms that I stop in my tracks in astonishment.

–– Everything unfolding before my eyes is gradually starting to align with the scenes from the time-travel drama in my memories.

MC: It turns out that the drama is actually so detailed. It seems that I, who diligently watched every episode without exception, am about to become a walking encyclopedia of Luolan––

From the garden on the other side of the wall, there suddenly comes voices of conversation. I hastily hush and excitedly prick up my ears to listen to their dispute.

However, all that reaches my ears are unfamiliar and garbled sounds, and soon I start feeling my head beginning to spin a little. Once the women have walked farther away, I find I’m already frowning without even realizing it.

Victor: Looks like a certain encyclopedia trained through time-travel dramas is really just a half-filled bucket of water sloshing around.

MC: Says who!

–

[Anika’s tidbits]: HAHA as you guys know, I’ve long stopped explaining the thousands of idioms and intricate phrases Li Zeyan writers use unless they’re absolutely necessary/ crucial– or else my translation notes would be bigger than the content itself LOL– and this is one of those and it’s one of my favs 😂 the full idiom phrase is “一桶水不响， 半桶水晃荡” – it literally means while a full bucket of water doesn’t make noise as it is heavy and stable, a half-filled bucket sloshes around– i.e. those wisest among us prefer being quiet and are self-confident, while those who are in the less wise/ smarter group often try to compensate their lack of knowledge/ understanding by asserting that they do~ 💀

–

Displeased with his jest, I swiftly focus my gaze on a copper utensil.

MC: Believe it or not, this was designed for storing spices, and it’s a very rare and expensive item.

I open the lid as I speak, and sure enough, a strong and fragrant aroma assails my nostrils. I can’t help but lift my chin complacently.

Victor: [laughs indulgently]  Alright, I underestimated a certain dummy.

I vaguely feel that the aroma is somewhat familiar, so I lean in to take a whiff, and a powerful fragrance of mugwort instantly invades the tip of my nose.

MC: [sneezes]  Ah-choo!

I rub my nose and look up, only to find that I have blown most of the scented powder onto Victor’s body, causing his figure to be coated with a drizzle of white.

The next second, he narrows his eyes and swiftly scoops me behind him. The smell of bone-chilling danger subtly spreads through the air.

MC: You’re not angry––?

Victor: Hush.

Looking in the direction of his gaze, I instantly become dumbstruck where I’m standing.

A massive leopard is peering at us from beneath the poplar tree, its face obscured by the shade of the tree, its pupils gleaming with an eerie and chilly light.

MC: L-Leopard…

Victor: [smiling]  I’m familiar with it.

Despite being faced with a ferocious beast, this man actually still has the mood to crack jokes!

MC: But according to historical accounts, this should be one of those leopards raised in captivity by the royals and aristocrats. It’s probably quite docile… it wouldn’t eat us, right?

Victor: [still smiling]  Being raised in captivity doesn’t mean it has lost its ability to hunt.

Seeing the leopard arch its back, fear grips me so hard that I cling tightly to his arm.

MC: Do we still have a chance to slip away secretly?

Victor: [still smiling]  We’ve already made direct eye contact within its territory. Stay calm for now.

Pressing my hand against my wildly thudding heart, I raise my gaze to see it take a whiff of the air and then proceed to saunter leisurely in our direction.

After a while, it approaches Victor and sniffs gently. My heart leaps to my throat, but leaving me stupefied, it actually lays down, its shape reminiscent of a fluffy cushion. It even nuzzles him affectionately with its head.

What follows is a fuzzy ticklish sensation, and I stare in startled shock as the leopard’s tail merrily swishes against my lower leg.

MC: …didn’t we just make eye contact with it? Yet you’ve actually managed to tame it?

I cast an incredulous glance at Victor, while he is staring at the incense burner with furrowed brows.

Victor: This scented powder probably isn’t intended for human application.

The enormous creature rolls over, laying bare its soft belly, exceedingly similar to the way Pudding behaves coquettishly after sucking on catnip.

Victor: It might not necessarily be us who drew it here. This fragrance is not just on me.

It’s only now that I realize a subtle aroma of mugwort is also lingering in the air. Following the fragrance, my eyes land on one side of the path lined with densely grown nepeta herbs. I immediately heave a sigh of relief.

At this moment, the leopard flexes its limbs in an inviting gesture, signaling for Victor to pet it. As I watch his rare expression of being at a loss for what to do, I can’t help but break into laughter.

Victor: [laughs helplessly]  …look at what good deed you’ve done!

MC: Being approached by an imperial leopard is a rare blessing that can never be obtained even if one beseeched it.

–

[Anika’s tidbits]: ANOTHER ONE OF MY MOST FAV PHRASES EVER! The term MC uses here is 求都求不来 (qiu dui qui bu lai), which is a play on this phrase: 可遇���可求 (ke yu bu ke qui), which means “can only be obtained (serendipitously) but not be sought after” – which paints the perfect imagery for “destiny, sth/sb being destined for someone”~ and a very important thing to note, which I’ll come back to later. 🥺 

–

Likely attributed to my overly bright gloating, Victor curls his fingers as he pinches up a small amount of the scented powder, which he then dabs on my face.

Sure enough, the leopard turns around and nuzzles against me. Seeing that I’m not putting up any resistance, it then straightens itself up and buries me completely in its soft fur.

MC: …ngh, Victor! Save me!

Victor: Nope. This “rare blessing that can never be obtained even if one beseeched it” is now being given to you.

Nudged by the leopard, I’m prompted to draw a few steps back, and as I let out a startled cry and tumble backward, I find myself landing in a soft embrace.

Amused, Victor pats the leopard on the head, and it obediently sits back down on the ground, reminiscent of a docile house kitten.

–

Even as he enfolds me in his arms and sits us both down on the grassy lawn, I remain a bit indignant.

MC: Why does it only listen to you! We both clearly have the same scent.

At this moment, I happen to glimpse at the golden silk embroidery on his clothes shimmering in the sunlight. I then contemplatively look at my own dress, which is somewhat plain.

Victor: You don’t think it’s because of the clothes, do you?

MC: …who can say, perhaps its owner has clothes identical to yours.

Victor: Well, a certain someone must be thinking to herself, “Had I known earlier, I would’ve chosen a fancy princess gown for myself.”

Seeing me choked silly by his spot-on guess of my thoughts, he studies me with even more and more interest.

Victor: [IN THE MOST DOTING AND ADORABLE VOICE EVER]  But however you slice it, a certain dummy still looks like a certain dummy.

Disgruntled, I lean closer to the water’s surface to check my reflection. A pouty face suddenly jumps out at me, which indeed is in disharmony with the dancer’s attire.

However, when I turn around and notice the wine cups on the table, an idea immediately strikes me.

I pick up a cup and lean in to bring it to his lips, working hard to make my voice sound soft and enticing as I speak.

MC: Your Highness~

He pauses for a brief moment, almost imperceptibly, before swiftly locking eyes with me.

Victor: There’s no wine in the cup.

MC: …you spoilsport!

Huffing, I sit up straight from his arms and shoot him a glare.

MC: Isn’t it because I’m afraid that if I spill the wine just like I sneezed earlier, it could result in altering the details of the history!

Victor, however, lightly quirks the corners of his lips, pours the glass to the brim with wine, and once again draws me closer to his side.

Victor: What did you want to do to me? Go on.

MC: You…

Before I can fully comprehend why he is being so cooperative at this moment, I feel a gentle force gripping my chin up.

I find myself falling into those serenely deep and unceasingly approaching pupils, and my breathing becomes rapid, beyond my control.

Victor: Weren’t you quite bold just a moment ago?

Victor: Seeing how you’re being so tentative like this, do you want me to teach you how one should drink this wine?

My slightly trembling hand is gently lifted by him with an irresistible force, and the small wine cup is soon raised to the level of my eyebrows and then even higher.

His fingers trace a slow path from my wrist to the palm of my hand, making the wine in the cup ripple, mirroring the swaying of my heart in tandem.

Just as his waywardly mischievous fingers are about to enter between the crevices of mine, he applies a slight pressure. The teetering fine liquid finally spills out, and the cool sensation quietly trickles down my forearm.

Along with the soft sensation, a rush of warmth suddenly washes over me. I stare wide-eyed, completely unguarded, and am rooted to the spot.

That pair of deep eyes, which has been fixed on me all along, makes it clear that he has no intention whatsoever of letting me go.

The scorching tip of his tongue gently licks and sucks on the continuously dripping nectar-like fine liquid, sending a wave of tingling shivers coursing throughout my entire body. 

The incessantly rising, delicate sensation of itchiness makes me a bit restless. I have the urge to escape, yet simultaneously, I can’t help myself from pandering to it.

He looks at me with slightly half-lidded eyes, his lips curling up into a triumphant arc of someone getting their way.

Victor: Have you learned it now, dummy?

MC: !

I suddenly snap back to my senses and hastily pull my hand back, tossing the ceramic glazed cup back onto the table as if I were holding a hot potato.

MC: W-What am I learning this for…

Victor: Clearly, it was a certain someone who started it first––

Before the words even leave his mouth, I notice a skylark swooping down. Seeing this, he swiftly pulls me to the side to dodge.

While I’m still amidst my puzzlement, a black shadow suddenly flashes before my eyes. Much to my astonishment, the leopard has scampered into the air to catch the bird.

“Clang” –– the table is abruptly turned upside down by it, sending fruits and vegetables tumbling and leaving the cups and dishes in a complete disarray.

When I see him calmly looking at the spilled wine, as if he’d already foreseen it, I realize where his confidence in pouring the wine earlier came from.

And also, the uniqueness of this “trip.”

Looking up at this world that doesn’t belong to me, I can’t bear to tear my eyes away from the courtyard blooming with vibrant and luxuriant flowers––

The abounding blossoms of crimson pomegranate adorn the trees, while the light purple clovers form dense clusters, and the red lotus stretches wantonly by the riverbank…

MC: I’m still finding it hard to believe that I’m able to see the ancient Luolan with my own eyes…

Victor: So, have you found what you were searching for?

At his reminder, I belatedly recall the original purpose that I had cast to the back of my mind.

After casting a surveying glance all around, I don’t find that rosy color I was expecting to see and can only gaze at him with a sense of bitterness.

Victor: During this period, roses hadn’t been cultivated yet.

As if he can sense what I’m thinking, he explains in a calm tone.

MC: So that means, the stone-carved rose doesn’t exist either… Since you knew this all along, why did you go through such great pains to bring me here?

Victor: Compared to simply answering you whether the legend is true or false, bringing you here to see for yourself is more just.

Victor: In this boundless universe, there will always be a kind of beauty worthy of a certain dummy’s pure yearning.

Only at this moment do I realize that this voyage across time and space is precisely his answer.

MC: You… don’t you think it was quite naïve of me?

Victor: I do. But it’s also a precious trait of a certain dummy, and I think I can help you maintain it in moderation.

My heart suddenly turns into a mush. I settle my gaze on the edge of his lips before lifting my head and kissing him.

The aroma of wine and fragrance of flowers gradually fade away, and I find myself drenched only in his pleasant scent. Amidst our closely interwoven breaths, time seems to slow to a crawl, stretching ever so slowly.

It’s not until the familiar dryness lingers around the tip of my nose that I slowly open my eyes, slightly gasping for breath. What greets my eyes is the view of the endless sand dunes.

Apt to the occasion, my phone starts vibrating and powers up automatically. Only ten minutes have passed.

I feel as if I have just woken up from a dream. I gaze at Victor in a trance, and the rose-colored kiss mark on his lips enters my field of view, making me unable to help the smile spreading across my face.

MC: It appears I’ve already found the rose from the legend, one that will never wither.

In those eyes, brimming with unending tenderness, I see him lowering himself——

Victor: Then, allow it to bloom for a little while longer.

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────

[Anika’s Analysis & Ramblings]

twitter thread link: ♡

—

[welcome-to-green-hills]

question

did you get spoiled with like a bunch of leaks that almost reveal everything that’s going on in the third movie

or…?

cause if you did that must’ve been a little frustrating not wanting to be spoiled

Or maybe you wanted to get spolied

Basically are you ok with the spoilers you got from the leaks?

Hello, my dear!❤️✨

Great question. For me, it was a semi-purposeful find. This was a round the time when Paramount had their security breach happen and all of the upcoming movies/shows were leaked online. I checked to make sure that the “leaks” online were ones that aligned with information that I’ve shared here and through passing.

Turns out that it was real. That, and some images that were leaked online are already on IMBd’s website for the third film. (I’d share the leak from a couple of months ago online if I didn’t think that the watermark would trigger a Tumblr violation).

With everything that I’ve seen about the movie, characters, and story, yes I’m happy. I’m sure that there will be a few nitpicks, but hey. Everyone’s got nitpicks. I do, however, think that there will be… umm… some very vocal fans about a thing or two. Overall, I definitely think that many people might like this more than the first two.

[noelwho]

Ultimate Chronological Order Imodna Playlist!!!

Hello! I feel like I have to introduce myself ‘cause I’m barely on Tumblr. I’m still learning how to use it, I posted a couple of fanarts and they went really well, so I want to try and make myself a spot in here. My name is Noel (they/them) and I’m a big fan of Critical Role. I started watching a few months ago, with Exandria Unlimited. Once I was done I went ahead and started Campaign 3. I’m currently on episode 49 (I know, I have a lot ahead yet). I also watched the first season of Candela Obscura and a couple of One-Shots.

Today I’m here to talk about the Lesbian Southern Gothic Witches. Earlier this week I started to obsess over a playlist. An Imodna playlist, to be more specific. It started with me listening to one I found on spotify (I will credit below because it’s been a huge inspiration for this project) and I got the urge to make my own. At the beginning it was something chill, something normal…until it was not. Over the course of the last 3 days I haven’t thought about or listened to anything else. I got the idea of making the playlist in chronological order and I started to take it very seriously. I divided their history in 10 different chapters and assigned each song to the correct time period. At first it was just gonna be into chapters, but then I started to put them in order inside the chapters too, and it became very personal. For real, this playlist has been the one and only thing I wanted to talk about for days. Last night I finally finished it. I’ve played it for run tests several times and I think it’s finally ready to see the light (kinda feels like the project of my life even though I only spent a few days working on it).

After all this brainrot it didn’t feel right to just tweet a link to the playlist, I wanted the world to know everything that went through my head in the process of making this. I also don’t have many people around who care about Critical Role, and I thought it was a good opportunity to connect with the fandom. So all of this took me here, to tumblr. All of a sudden it became very clear that this was the perfect place to set my baby free.

There’s some things I wanna make clear before you start reading, the first being the classic: english is not my first language. Sounds like a joke at this point but for real, it’s very likely that this thing is full of grammatical mistakes and I want to apologize in advance (specially about the in/on/at situation, I’ve been having lots of trouble with those for some reason) This is also the first time I do something like this so it may not be perfect. The second thing is that this will obviously be filled with spoilers. In fact I actually haven’t even got to The Scene, I saw it around on Tumblr and Twitter (impossible to avoid that spoiler, but I don’t really care). I’m aware that there’s a lot of Imodna moments that I haven’t seen yet, but I couldn't wait to start this playlist. I don’t know if the episodes I have left to watch will translate into new chapters or into new songs for the chapters I already have but either way, I will keep this post and the playlist updated.

With that being said, welcome to this ride through an unhinged mind. Fasten your seatbelts and enjoy!

The tether scene is one of my favorite ones. I love that metaphor with a passion. That’s why I chose this name for the playlist. With the photo I wanted to make an allusion to the red thread myth given that Laudna herself carries around a spool of red string. I even edited the picture so the hands on the right are slightly gray like Laudna’s.

There’s not just one specific vibe to this playlist, but I find it to be a very calming one, with the exception of some specific moments that we will talk about later. I tried to avoid strong and distracting beats so I could keep it a little ethereal. Lots of acoustic guitar (which I love). I’m not going to talk about every single song because some of them have pretty obvious meanings. Usually the songs aren't a 100% match, but they do have a part to it that speaks to me and to the story on a certain level.

× Imogen and Laudna’s separate lifes ×

At the beginning of the journey that is this playlist, I wanted to introduce the characters. Intertwining their songs, we get to know Imogen and Laudna’s pasts, before they have each other to face the terrors of being witches in a world that doesn’t quite understand them.

Delilah - Florence + The Machine (Laudna)

I sometimes wonder if Marisha has ever listened to this song, because oh my fucking god. I wanted to start the playlist with Abbey, I didn’t because with the intertwining I couldn’t make it fit, but this one is a very good start as well. This song shows perfectly how it must have been being brought back by Delilah and having that power all of a sudden.

Abbey - Mitski (Imogen)

Matilda - Harry Styles (Laudna)

Imogen - Nick Mulvey (Imogen)

Laudna's lullaby - Ginny Di (Laudna)

Time comes in roses - Bess Atwell (Imogen)

The Tradition - Halsey (Laudna)

Burn it down - Daughter (Imogen)

There’s several songs from this album on this playlist. It couldn’t fit better. It reflects perfectly the moment Imogen started to develop her powers. It even refers directly to the way she parts ways with her town (which doesn’t happen for a few chapters but still I felt this one belonged here). Her fear of being a disappointment, her father becoming absent, the feeling of being cursed. It’s all here.

The hanging tree - The hunger games (Laudna)

Still I wait - Anna Leone (Both)

Even with everything they had to go through, they both still wait and cling to hope.

× Imogen and Laudna meet ×

Finally, their paths cross. They experience the feeling of warmth for the first time in a long time. They both feel the need to keep the other one close and begin to appreciate the little things in life, learning how to be taken care of. Goodbye loneliness.

Season of the Witch - Lana Del Rey

I'd like to walk around in your mind - Vashti Bunyan

How important is this song knowing what Imogen can do…

Comfortable Silence - Bella Porter

Without you without them - Boygenius

A hole in the earth - Daughter

That Moon Song - Gregory Alan Isakov

Love brought weight - Old Sea Brigade

That distant shore - Steven Universe

Sick of losing soulmates - Natalie Dawn

I Hear a Symphony - Cody Fry

Sidelines - Phoebe Bridgers

The bug collector - Haley Heyderickx

Sometimes I feel that it’s always Laudna taking care of Imogen, as if she didn't have anything on her own plate. It can't be easy to live with a voice in your head and paranoia. This song shows how Imogen is there to hold Laudna too when it becomes too much.

Look up - Joy Oladokun

If the last one was an Imogen’s POV, this one is totally a Laudna’s POV. Her and her silly little pep talks. “You’re so capable”.

Daylight - Taylor Swift

I love the idea of them learning that life can be good if you find someone to share it with. This song encapsulates that perfectly.

Spell - Dora Jar

I wanted this one to be the last one of the chapter because it introduces the idea of leaving together.

× Imogen and Laudna run away together ×

“Would you run away with me?” They learn what it’s like to have a home that’s not a place, but something entirely new. The past still follows but they’re no longer crushed by it, because they don’t have to sustain it on their own.

Departure - Daughter

Second child, restless child - The Oh Hellos

Just the two of us - Grover Washington, Jr.

I really like to imagine Imodna slice of life scenes when I listen to this song.

Dandelion Wine - Gregory Alan Isakov

Homesick - Dwara, Khotton Palm

Graceland Too - Phoebe Bridgers

When I realized how much of a Laudna's POV this song is, I almost cried.

Telepath - Manchester Orchestra

I really really like Manchester Orchestra, it's one of my favorite bands. I never let go of the chance of spreading them around, and this one is the best song they have. Laudna's POV for sure.

everything i wanted - Billie Eilish

With songs like this one and Intertwined, I wanted to introduce the idea that even though they're definitely better off now that they left the town, that doesn't instantly solve all of their problems. As I said before, the past follows, but they're no longer alone with it.

Savior Complex - Phoebe Bridgers

Intertwined - Dodie

Nothing else matters - Phoebe Bridgers

As long as they're together, nothing else matters.

× You lied ×

Even though I only have a few songs for this precise moment of the story, I thought that it was very important to include their first fight. The gem is broken and Imogen feels betrayed. Laudna is left abandoned and thinks she deserves to be punished for Delilah’s wrongs. We explore jealousy for the first time.

Witches - Daughter

The silence at the end of this instrumental song represents the loneliness that Laudna felt when Imogen left her alone after her incident with Delilah

Landfill - Daughter

There are two possible ways of reading into this one. This is in my opinion a Laudna's POV. She could either be talking to Imogen, expressing her deep rooted desire for a punishment for what she’s done; or to Delilah, alluding to the attachment she has to her own powers (that at least as far as she knows are there because of Briarwood) opposed to the hatred she feels for her and for herself for wanting those powers (this is a theme that they explore later on future chapters)

Are you okay? - Winnetka Bowling League

Afterglow - Taylor Swift

The archer - Taylor Swift

× Laudna’s death ×

Otohan Thull relentlessly kills three members of Bells Hells. A coin is flipped and Laudna is gone, again. What awaits beyond the afterlife? Perhaps a little girl, a monster and a tree.

DVD menu - Phoebe Bridgers

If death’s not exactly DVD menu by Phoebe Bridgers, then someone tell me what’s like because I can’t imagine otherwise. I freaking love how this song connects with Daffodil.

Daffodil - Florence + The Machine

Death with dignity - Sufjan Stevens

Bells in Santa Fe - Halsey

I like to imagine that Laudna didn't appear in Nightmarish Whitestone immediately. Up until this point, she's in a limbo, accepting her own death. Bells in Santa Fe marks the moment she sets foot in that Upside-down kind of world. The constant repetition of “All of this is temporary” is like a mantra for her, the only hope she has of getting through it with her sanity intact is believing that this will also end and she will finally find peace.

Willow Tree March - The paper kiss

Hard times - Ethel Cain

Tether me - Galleaux

With this song and the next one, I wanted to express desperation. We don't get to know in the series how she feels throughout all of this, but I can only imagine how terrifying it must have been. There's a point where anyone would have started begging for help.

Matilda - alt-J

× Imogen’s grief ×

“Is she your favorite?”. Imogen feels deeply guilty for what happened. The possibility of bringing Laudna back is the only thing that’s keeping her from losing it completely. All the regrets, all the words she wishes she said before, all the times she didn’t approached her when she wanted to, come afloat. Grief, disassociation and sorrow.

Words - Storefront Church, Phoebe Bridgers

This song is meant to represent the exact moment of Imogen floating and losing control, with Otohan in her head pushing her to let go.

Goner - Twenty One Pilots

No other song in existence can express better the moment Imogen realize Laudna's gone for good.

Lanterns lit - Son Lux

True Faith - Ashley Johnson

Hurt for me - SYML

Carry you - Novo Amor

My love - Florence + The Machine

Lucky for you - Novo Amor, Gia Margaret

Killer + the sound - Phoebe Bridgers, Noah Gundersen

Should have known better - Sufjan Stevens

Ya'aburnee - Halsey

Show you a body - Haley Heyderickx

Imogen (even Laura) loses hope for a moment during the ritual they do for bringing Laudna back. The end of this song summarize this repeating a lyric over and over (you can clearly see through this playlist how much I love repetition).

× Back together ×

After Bells Hells confront Delilah at the Upside-down-Whitestone of Laudna’s nightmares, Pike manages to bring her back to life. Imogen and her are back hand by hand, and nothing can ever tear them apart again. Here’s where I think something awakes inside them, but they are far from realizing it.

I am the Antichrist to you - Kishi Bashi

Like an angel “fallen from the sky with grace”, Laudna’s back on Imogen’s arms.

Darling - Halsey

This love (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

Now that you're home - Manchester Orchestra

Lose you again - Manchester Orchestra

Halloween - Phoebe Bridgers

But not kiss - Fayer Webster

Like I said, something changes after this. What they’ve been through is not nothing. This song is here to show that something is born deep inside them, on their subconscious far from their reach yet

× Back to Gelvaan ×

Same as with the “You lied” chapter, I felt that this one was important even though I just have one song for it. It just matches perfectly. Imogen and Laudna visit Imogen’s hometown and the place where they met, searching for answers. Old wounds, some closure and an emotionally absent father.

My tears ricochet - Taylor Swift

× Tethered ×

In this chapter the platonic bond is peaking. It takes place right before The Unraveling, giving in to the “Can I kiss you?” phase and becoming romantic. They’ve been through hell and back just to stay together. This is my personal favorite bit of the playlist, everything is extremely intense but not yet explicit.

Tethered - Sleeping at last

I Will - Mitski

Anchor - Alli X

Don't let them see you cry - Manchester Orchestra

Crosses - José González

Quietly - Manchester Orchestra

Francesca - Hozier

Moon song - Phoebe Bridgers

Capital Karma - Manchester Orchestra

Everywhere, everything - Noah Kahan

In a week - Hozier

Monster - King Princess

j's lullaby (darlin' i'd wait for you) - Delaney Bailey

I will follow you into the dark - Miya Folick

I wouldn't ask you - Clairo

× Can I kiss you? ×

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The beggining of something new, the next and most logical step of this journey. The platonic becomes romantic and they get to truly explore the feelings they always had, and some novel ones. This is the moment I know less about, but I’ve used my imagination and my own headcanons.

Can I - Genevieve Stokes

I debated a lot whether to put this one at the end of the last chapter or the beginning of this one because I don't know how relevant Laudna's death is up to this point, and there's a huge reference to this in this song. I know for a fact that the Delilah’s plot is not over and things will change, but I couldn't resist the urge to put it in here, given the name of the song and its obvious connection to the chapter.

We'll never have sex - Leith Ross

Wading in Waist-high Water - Fleet Foxes

This is the last time - The National

All my ghosts - Lizzy McAlpine

Prière pour la nuit - Barbara Pravi, November Ultra

Chewing Cotton Wool - The Japanese House

Bandages - Rachel Bobbitt

This is it, this is The Ultimate Chronological Order Imodna Playlist. I don't know if I'm the first one doing this, probably not, I don't know if this has any value to anyone beyond myself, but I had a hell of a lot of fun. If only one person were to read this till the end I would be more than satisfied.

I’ll link here the playlist that started all of this. Massive respect for this person whoever it is, I took lots of the songs from here

Infinite thanks to anyone who gets here or saves my playlist, feel free to respond with any song that you think adds to the story!! Something tells me this isn't the end of my Imodna brainrot so,,,, more things could be on their way (a fanfic, perhaps?).

No idea how to end this so… long live Lesbian Southern Gothic Witches!!!

[queerfandomtrifecta]

I’m late to the Hazbin Hotel stuff, but I’ve binged it a few times recently and just have to say that I’ve never seen an abusive relationship that looked so much like mine portrayed so correctly (as in both accurately and in being completely condemned by the narrative) as Angel and Valentino.

I’ve seen a little of the discourse on this and I’m gonna add my thoughts under the cut.

Gonna start by saying 1. I was lucky enough to get out of my eight-year long abuse/DV situation in 2019 and I’m safe and okay now 2. I know everyone’s experience is different and I’m specifically talking about my experience of being in a long-term abusive situation and don’t mean to diminish anyone who’s experience with SA/DV was different than mine and 3. this is all high praise for what the show did, because it may not sound like it at first because it is legitimately hard for me to watch, especially the first time through.

I’ve realized I’m probably rambling out of order at this point and I apologize to anyone who’s chosen to read these words I just had to shout into the tumblr void but oh well.

Yes, I read the trigger warning at the beginning of e4. I braced myself because that one is typically fine with a heads up for me, but I still wasn’t prepared. I barely made it through that first watch because it didn’t warn about the DV tied to the SA. I’d already barely made it through the scene in e2 where Angel Dust is listening to voicemails from Valentino because jfc it’s so painfully accurate. I heard some of that stuff verbatim from my abuser. Word for word exactly the same.

The other part that’s accurate is how self-destructive Angel is as a coping mechanism and his reasons why. “If I end up broken, maybe I won’t be his favorite toy anymore. And maybe he’ll let me go.” It’s. So. Accurate. To my experience at least, which is one that looked a lot like their whole relationship.

“Loser Baby” is absolutely fine with me. Because again, it’s so accurate. Having someone sit with you and say “hey, I clearly see that you’re not being treated right no matter how hard you try and fake things, and that you’re at rock bottom and not doing good things with the ways you’re dealing with that, and I’m here for you anyway” is what pushed me to finally leave. My now-best friend who at the time was my co-worker who’d just been hired a few months prior is the one who said it to me. He saved my life in more ways than one and I’m forever grateful for it. I’ve read a few things saying the song was calling Angel a loser in a victim blaming way, and that’s not how I took it at all. Admitting how much things suck, saying that aloud, including the ways I’d changed for the worse was crucial for me in the process of leaving and trying to heal afterwards.

“Poison” wasn’t even the part that was difficult to watch for me, even though those scenes are (mostly) what earned e4 the trigger warning at the opening. But the lyrics hit me hard. “My story’s gonna end with me dead from your poison.” I lived this for years. I can’t overstate how much this was the reality of my experience. I thought that was how things would end up for me. I didn’t think I’d have a way out from this person who was both hurting me and making me the absolute worst version of myself possible. I was so sure I’ve of those two things would eventually be the end of my story. I’m very very lucky it wasn’t and I’m grateful for the resources I had that let me leave when I could.

This was a whole lot of rambling to really just say I’ve never felt so seen and respected by the representation of abuse in a piece of media. Maybe it’s because I’m coming off feeling weird about things in OFMD2 and withholding saying any on that because reasons. But I can definitely weigh in accurately in the abuse plot line in Hazbin and it’s all praise from me. Would I have avoided watching it if I’d have known how big of a plot line that would be? Yes, probably. I would’ve at least read spoilers ahead of time to try and gauge it. I nearly stopped it a few times because I wasn’t expecting it to be so painfully close to my own experience and shown so blatantly instead of being implied off-screen.

But am I glad I watched it? Absolutely. Mostly because the narrative so clearly frames everything as capital-b Bad. And I’m grateful they showed what they did how they did, and even more grateful and that the narrative (which is specifically working with a major, prominent, surface-level text theme of redemption/redeem-ability) frames Valentino as an irredeemable villain for his role as the abuser, while also giving Angel Dust three-dimensions in his own flaws that he’s responsible for. It’s done flawlessly imo. And I’m glad I watched it, even though it was hard.

[b33anie]

!TSaMS Spoilers! (You should be fine if you’re caught up to the episode about KC)

I’ve seen a couple people complain that KC’s “Redemption Arc” was ooc and not needed, and that it “ruined his character” (I think it’s popping up because of his death)

But Eclipse had good in him at one point (because thats how Lunar was created in the first place)

And Eclipse’s code was derived from Killcode’s code, so why is it so hard to believe that he had that in him too? And while I do think it was Davis and EC trying to kind of ease off his character from the story because they didn’t really have another plan for him I do think they went about it in a good way

I don’t tend to like ranting or sharing my own opinions but I just kinda felt like it because I keep seeing posts (on tiktok specifically) about this subject, and I’m not saying they’re wrong because there are a few things that did seem kind of odd to add for his character and I do think maybe they should’ve reintroduced him to the plot a bit more before killing him off because it’s placement did seem kind of random to the story.

But yeah I don’t think it was ooc at all for his redemption arc and honestly the way they went about it was great for him, especially considering it’s what really started to introduce the idea of The Creator as a bigger antagonist in the show

(Feel free to discuss or correct me on anything I may have gotten wrong, keep in mind this has been a draft for a bit because I’ve been too nervous to post it and honestly the only reason I AM posting it is because it’s late for me and I’m gonna hate myself in the morning but screw it!! Also so sorry if someone else has already talked about this I don’t really linger on the discussion side of TSaMS tumblr)

[makeste]

[39 weeks later]

well all right then. I owe some explanations and some updates, so let's just get straight to that.

1. "what the hell, makeste. you can't just disappear for nine months and leave a sign on your blog that says "gone leavin'.'"

yeah I know. sorry guys.

so there are a lot of reasons for my long absence, but when you boil it all down, the essence is basically as follows: at its absolute max capacity, my ADHD brain is capable of keeping up with any two of the following: (1) work; (2) school; (3) tumblr. that's it. only two. no more and no less.

and for years this has not mattered at all because school was no longer in the picture! but as mentioned in my last two update posts, as of this past January, I had to start taking classes again for career advancement reasons, meaning my brain was quickly overloaded and something had to give. so yeah. I can assure you the past nine months have absolutely sucked and I am not AT ALL sure that it was worth it, but it is what it is.

I also want to add that I never intended to basically fall off the face of the earth anywhere near to this extent, let alone for this long. but in retrospect I probably should have seen it coming, seeing as this is not the first time it's happened, sob. and also in hindsight, towards the end of last year (during which I was already struggling to keep up with the weekly BnHA reactions) someone mentioned that it sounded like I was showing signs of being potentially close to burnout. turns out that observation was spot on lol.

so yeah. tl;dr, burnout + an obnoxiously busy real life schedule + a sprinkling of good old-fashioned ADHD "somehow I always underestimate how hard it is to restart something after taking a long break from it, and the longer I go without returning the worse it gets" brain shenanigans (more on that last part further down).

2. "MAKESTE. WHILE YOU WERE GONE, IN THE MANGA, THERE WAS A THING -- "

yes I have unfortunately been spoiled about The Thing.

3. "so wait, exactly how spoiled are you?? CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE THING"

I will make a separate post to talk about The Thing! I expect that many people will want to talk about this, and tbh I've really been wanting to talk about it too! I'm telling you, when I say the past nine months have sucked, I mean they have truly SUCKED, you guys. school is so fucking boring and I miss rambling about fandom stuff so fucking much.

anyway but with that said, ~*~PLEASE DO NOT TALK ABOUT ANY SPOILERS IN THIS POST~*~. I don't want to delete anybody's comments! but I will if necessary because I am a spoiler narc and I don't want to risk accidentally ruining stuff on the off chance that a non-spoiled person comes across this post. so yeah. however please do feel free to message me or comment in my other post (which I will link once it’s up; eta: here it is) if you do want to talk about The Thing.

4. "so aside from The Thing, are you otherwise caught up with the BnHA manga currently?"

so here's the hilarious part: no, I am not caught up. not even remotely. literally the last chapter of BnHA I read was chapter 339, which is the most recent chapter that I liveblogged, all the way back on December 31, 2021. I literally have not read a single new BnHA chapter in the year of our lord 2022 lol. :') basically for the same reasons I mentioned in my previous update post. tl;dr, reading/liveblogging a single new BnHA chapter is a minimum 4+ hour commitment for me, and by this point I have accrued a backlog of... oh sweet lord. 35 total chapters lol. so yeah. that's approximately 140 hours of catch-up that I need to do, which is paralyzing just to think about.

I do still plan on catching up, obviously! I'm just not sure how, lol. I may have some time to spare this weekend, so I might try to binge a few chapters and see how it goes. then I'll have to come up with some sort of sustainable posting schedule. I've been thinking about this for a while and I might try to do a Mon/Wed/Fri thing if I can swing it, but I don't want to commit to anything for sure yet until I see how those first few chapters go. fingers crossed, though.

anyway so I guess that's it. post is getting long. anything more will just be rambling.

sorry again, guys. how is everyone? what did I miss. aside from twitter dying and tumblr welcoming the refugees into our culture by inviting them to participate in the newly created fandom of a nonexistent 1970s mafia film.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Okay, I finally have time to sit down and do this properly. New season! I am so excited for this one, I could have watched the episode yesterday before work but I wanted to save it for when I could really enjoy it. And stop and write things down when they occur to me.

Though I will say, I’m not going to set a precedent here. I started doing these posts, where I watch the new Taskmaster episode and liveblog it, at the beginning of season 11. I think I did every episode of seasons 11 and 12, and then struggled more with 13 because it aired during my in-person co-op placement last year, and it was hard to find the time. Then 14 was during my second placement, same issue. 15 I just had other stuff going on. So in those seasons, I liveblogged some episodes but not others, but felt like I should with all of them, and that at some point became a problem. Because I couldn’t just watch a Taskmaster episode when I had time, I had to keep saving it until I had 2 or 3 hours (it takes a surprisingly long time to watch these when I’m pausing to write notes and take screenshots all the time, especially if I’m cutting out video and making it a gif too), and the mental energy to write it while taking notes. So I’d put the episode off and try to figure out when I’d have that time and energy, until watching my favourite currently airing TV show started feeling a bit like a chore.

No one told me to do that. I didn’t feel any obligation to do it for anyone else’s sake (my liveblogging posts are nowhere near interesting enough for anyone to bother being disappointed if I don’t do one). But I do really enjoy writing down the stuff I think as I watch Taskmaster, because it’s fun to share that with people. That’s why I made this blog in the first place – too many Taskmaster thoughts and no one to share them with. It’s more fun when I share it, especially when I watch a new episode for the first time. But also, my free time is more limited than it was when I first got into it during lockdown, so I don’t want to feel like I can’t just sit back and enjoy an episode unless I have a three-hour block and the energy to take notes. So I thought it might be easier for myself if I say from the outset that I make no plans to do this every week, or even most weeks. Let’s assume this will be the only one of these I do for season 16 and we’ll see how it goes.

However, I have to do it for the premiere, right? I’m so excited for the premiere. I told myself I’d stay off Tumblr from when it airs until I watch it, to avoid spoilers, but then I broke that rule. I’ve seen a few very mild spoilers, but not too much. I do know a couple of my predictions have already come true. My prediction that Lucy Beaumont’s baffling comedy persona (the baffling part is trying to figure out how much is a character vs how much she is like that) will fit in perfectly on Taskmaster – I’m getting that that came through in interesting ways during the premiere. And my other prediction was that it would take exactly one episode for all of Tumblr (probably other parts of the internet too, but this is the part I know) to fall in love with Sam Campbell – that appears to also be happening. I think at some point earlier in the summer I said something along the lines of “If you think you know who your favourite season 16 contestant will be but you don’t know who Sam Campbell is, don’t lock your answer in just yet,” and it looks like that’s working out.

Okay, without further preamble, on with the liveblogging. Thoughts on Taskmaster s16e01, written as I watch it:

First thought: wow, why does he look so much older than I expected? Next thought: oh right, because I only really know him for old episodes of WILTY and 8 Out of 10 Cats, and time passes sometimes.

First thought... seriously, and I promise to avoid saying this constantly during the course of this season (yes I know I promised something similar about Mae Martin last season and then regularly broke that), but how the hell do they get away with continuing to do jokes on Catsdown about Jon Richardson not being attractive to attractive women when we can all Google his wife?

First thought... seriously, I have trained with at least eight different people who look just like that. There is a "wrestler look" and that is weirdly exactly it. Please, someone, make this man fight something in a task so I can find out if it's in his blood. If he walked around a varsity tournament this year and just went up to the tables and said he came second the 61kg division and wants his silver medal, they'd hand him one no questions asked, they wouldn't even look it up to check. He looks exactly like every guy who came second in the 61kg division at the provincial-level university tournaments for the last eight years.

This is good observational material, I promise. It's unfortunate that if I do another comedy set (which I am intending to do, have just put that plan on hold for a few weeks as I settle into a relatively new-ish job) it will be to an audience that is insufficiently familiar with my life experiences to get the joke.

First thought... I already used my "talk about how hot comedians are" quota for one post on Lucy Beaumont, I am trying not to just constantly write it down if I see a comedian and think that, so in interests of general decorum, I will pass on writing my first though here. Or my second or third.

First thought... I know very little about her (aside from she was good in Crazyhead), so forming much of an opinion based on this shot, and coming in strong with purple eye shadow and giant earrings with a pink tracksuit. That's a look. This will be fun.

Strong combination of facial expressions here:

I'm working as an autism therapist now, and one thing we do is show kids pictures of stock image people with different expressions on their faces, and ask them to label what emotion it is. I could print this screenshot out and use it in the sessions. Okay, kids, see if you can put a name on those five. See if you can guess which two already have a long and extremely successful TV career behind them, enough so they can sit comfortably and relatively placidly on a show that would be "big break" material for anyone who hasn't already "made it" to the absolutely highest level of mainstream TV success.

Love that one of the throne cats is still there:

We open on a food-based bad Alex Horne pun. We're back, baby!

Is Sue Perkins' Napoleon Dynamite shirt part of a task, or is she just wearing that? Either way I approve.

This is almost exactly the same as the "best wooden thing" prize task in season 9, but I don't mind. I guess if you have Julian Cleary you have to open by giving him some chances to make jokes about wood (I don't actually know much about Julian Cleary, that view of him is based on what he was like on 8 Out of 10 Cats in about 2008).

I was genuinely impressed when Julian Cleary introduced his prize without making a joke on the word "wood", and then I saw what the prize was.

Yeah, all right. I'm down for a season of watching the guy in the traditional old man chair bring in sexually suggestive furniture. I've heard worse ideas for how to go on.

I have just listened to Lucy Beaumont's entire boxer dog story, and I still have no idea. No idea if we're supposed to think she really believes in dog ghosts possessing beds and picture frames, or whether it's entirely a character. Either way, I'm mildly obsessed with how well she sells it. Though I am all for some pedantry about prize tasks, so thanks for pointing that she should be only judged on the frame since the picture's not wooden, Greg.

Sammy C opening on a surreal puppet joke. I wouldn't have expected anything less. If anyone else had done that, I'd have brought in some more pedantry to say there's no way he's had that for a while, he clearly just asked the production team to make it. But given what other things I've seen Sam Campbell make in his weird videos, I think I can believe he might have made this himself.

For anyone keeping score at him, my first proper, out-loud laugh of the new season came from Sue Perkins calling this mixed media:

Under seven minutes in and we're discussing ghosts of incel monkeys that missed the orgy. They're settling in fast to this one. None of the stilted awkwardness that you get in early studio portions of some seasons, as they figure out how each other are. Everyone's clicking in this one, or maybe Sue Perkins is just able to click with anyone.

I think Susan Wokoma must be the first person in Taskmaster history to apologize for her prize task not being haunted. It is quite beautiful, though. Only person to bring in someone genuinely beautiful (well, Lucy's picture was all right). Also, side thought that occurs to me as I write this, is this the first time one season of Taskmaster has had two contestants with the same first name?

I'd just written that these people are clicking faster than most casts, when Julian points out Susan's prize isn't "really wooden", and reminds me of the opening of season 13. That was another season that had a very strong first episode, partly because everyone got so comfortable so fast with picking at others' performances. And by "everyone", I mainly mean Ardal O'Hanlon immediately started heckling all his fellow contestants. Love that Julian Cleary is sitting in Ardal's seat and taking up his mantle.

Ooh, I love the decor this season:

The art style is rarely a thing I get excited about in Taskmaster, but I really like this one. That'll be fun to watch for ten episodes.

Ah, Taskmaster. I've missed this sort of thing:

Glad you're back, Alex. Glad you're back to making people look at you with that exact expression on their face.

Again, I'm enjoying Susan Wokoma's look.

A look at the trailer suggested to me that they haven't gone too big on the costumes this season, but strikingly blue nail polished paired with sparkly overalls is fun.

Lucy, I don't care how much is a character. I'm obsessed with you.

Several more large, out-loud laughs as I watch Lucy Beaumont struggle to leave a room. Taskmaster should blindfold people more often, that shit is never not funny.

From a pure Taskmaster nerd perspective, I like tasks that involve filming in the hall so you get better idea of the layout of the house:

Someday I'll go to Chiswick, jump the fence, break in and write down the blueprints.

Ah, I see, it's already a tower. That's a clear idea, and surprisingly doesn't feel recycled even though it's season 16, I don't think they've done that before. Set a task where it's actually already been done and their job is to just not ruin it. Surely that must have been done before at some point, right? Anyway, watching those cans fall on Lucy was glorious. That's all I really need from comedy, apparently. Just blindfold people and then drop cans on them.

Lovely tableau here:

Alex saying "All the information is on the task" to someone who's blindfolded is also amazingly funny.

So, if we wanted to be pedantic, which I do, we could discuss whether just leaving a tower up counts as "building" it. I think Susan is fine, because she put the cans on top of the tower that was already there. So she helped to build the tower, and it didn't say she had to build the whole thing by herself. Not sure Lucy's should count, as she didn't participate in the act of building it at all.

Julian and Sam up next, so they're saving Sue for last. Great, can't wait to see what disaster she created that got her put on her own.

What I've learned from Sam Campbell's stand-up and weird internet videos is that he's got a pretty strong comedy persona/brand, off-the-wall energy that I've heard some of his comedian friends say is very much based on his genuine personality, but obviously it's dialed up in a specifically planned way. They say Taskmaster is great at knocking people out of their carefully planned personas and forcing them to just be themselves, at least more than they do during shows where they're in control. I'd say blindfolding someone and making them walk around a house, especially once they've realized there might be a fragile tower in a room that they can't knock down but they don't know where it is or even for sure what it is and they only have five minutes, seems like a good way to strip away any acting. Which might be why I was struck by how incredibly genuine, and a bit off brand, the repeated swearing from Sam Campbell sounds.

Not that Sam Campbell the comedian wouldn't swear, but I don't think he'd drop the swear words quite so casually or quietly. That is a man who has genuinely recognized some bullshit and wants to share that fact with the people around him.

"I've never felt such a high things" feels like a more on brand quote, but also the sort of thing you'd say when you genuinely don't know what's going on. There's some nice editing here, contrasting Sam's utter bafflement with Julian Clearly calmly and easily reaching to the top of the tower. A combination, I guess, of Julian being calmer in general, and of him being taller so grabbing the top is not such a big deal - this task would have Lucy Beaumont, whom I'm pretty sure is tiny, at quite a disadvantage, if she'd actually found the tower and reached for the top, which she didn't. (It's okay, Sam most wrestlers are shorter than average. There's a place where you'd fit in fine.)

Another brilliant tableau: Julian standing there holding the cans at the height they were before the tower started falling, as though he thinks that's still the top of the tower, while Alex visibly winces at how badly he's fucked up:

Yeesss, my boy Sammy C is coming through with exactly what I expected from him (oh right, forgot to mention at the beginning of his post my first belief that Sam Campbell's work demonstrates the skillset necessary to do very well in the Taskmaster tasks, not just for comedy but in terms of winning the most points, I predicted he'd win so now I'm rooting for that like he's a sports team, this is the side of me that uses Taskmaster as a sublimation of my competitive nature coming out)! Perfect execution. Find it, instantly figure out the game, carefully put the thing on top, and then just lie down so they can't fuck you with you further and make you mess it up. That is how you play.

No, no, don't give me that. You lay down because you figured out that that would be the best way to make sure you didn't ruin your chance of winning the task, even if it also meant no more comedy for a few minutes. And I respect that level of play. Sure, fine, find a comedic explanation for it to give in the studio. Do that all you like. Just please keep playing this well in the house because I have backed you pretty hard to win at this point.

Lovely. They implicitly promised us a disaster by saving Sue for last, and what a way to deliver. I like the level of profanity this task is generating. I think everyone's level of profanity increases pretty fast if you blindfold them and drop cans on their head.

Further proper, scream-laughing out loud is coming from Sue Perkins repeatedly demanding to know whether there's a tower in some other spot, reaching with her hand to show what spot she means, and in the process, knocking over what few cans were left in that spot. Fucking brilliant. Using this as the opening task was a great idea.

My favourite screenshot of the episode so far:

Team task! Hooray! We don't usually get one of those in the first episode, love this.

Team Sue! Team of Sues! I approve of that.

Susan Wokoma not noticing Sue Perkins has walked into the area would be funny if it were any two people, but it's especially funny because it's Sue Perkins, who is more famous than a lot of Taskmaster contestants. What would you do if you were just minding your own business and then Sue Perkins of Mel and Sue walked in behind you? I mean I'd probably do exactly what Susan Wokoma did, which is scream in a very amusing way.

I think I need to enter this one into the contest for Best Tableau of the Episode:

Seeing the initial duos, I immediately assumed Lucy would be on Team Sue. Because, I don't know, I guess women vs. men is something they've done before so I expected it again. Also, Sam/Julian has such a specifically odd energy that it felt like they'll stick with that as the team of two, and then the women who were excited to see each other could all be excited together with Lucy on the team of three. She'd fit in there.

It is so much funnier to have Lucy, instead of joining the Sues, awkwardly walk in on the awkward moment that Sam and Julian are already having and make it even more awkward. Love that none of those three people appear to know what to make of each other.

Taskmaster team tasks are fun that way because good chemistry can of course make a good team, but total lack of chemistry can also make a really fucking hilarious team. And it's really good when you get a season with one of one extreme and one of the other, like last season with the total dearth of chemistry that was Frankie/Ivo, contrasted against Mae/Kiell/Jenny who had a great time together. Looks like we might get something similar this year, given how well Team Sue instantly got along.

"Connect the most individual parts of one person to the most individual parts of another person. All members of your team must be connected. Your time starts now." No winning criteria specified there, which means that's only part one. So this is some season 8 shit, like the time they put a garbage back on Paul Sinha's head. Get tangled up but then the real trick is you have to do something while tangled. But will the contestants know that?

Team Sue does not. I don't know if this season has any proper Taskmaster nerds, which you'd really have to be to pick up on the fact that all tasks have criteria for winning, so if one is missing that then it's not the whole task.

They sure did have a great time, though. Team Sue confirming while tying each other together that they have not, in fact, met before. They just instantly got along. Again, I think Sue Perkins might just be able to connect immediately with everyone. What a fun time, and it is so clear that their task attempt is being edited in a way to emphasize the harmony, for maximum contrast against whatever the fuck the other team does.

Title drop! Greg Davies gets the first title drop of the season, sarcastically calling the awkward team "the natural friends". Some solid facial expressions here from the friends in question (well, two of the friends - Julian Clary remains fairly facially unflappable) that seem to confirm that they are remembering how right Greg is about to be proved about their lack of chemistry.

I've been trying to think of a portmanteau for the team of three, because finding portmanteaus is a lot easier than writing "team of two" and "team of three" over and over. Season 12 was so easy to write about because "Vicotrialan" and "Morguziree" went together so easily. One of those is easy this season - I'll just call them Team Sue. But the other one - God, they're so mismatched that even their names don't go together. Not enough syllables among them. Lusamian? Cleaubell? Not many good options.

What did I say? What did I say about Sam Campbell? I said he has the specific skillset that it takes to win Taskmaster. That skillset includes the creativity to immediately realize hair counts as a body part, combined with the audacity to be some guy from Australia who's half Julian's age, and we willing to ask famous TV comedian Julian Cleary to cut off stands of his own perfectly curated hair five minutes after meeting him. And, I guess, the abandon to have no hesitation about sacrificing some of his own hair for the task. God, he looks so much like a wrestler. I'm watching this and all I see is a first-year athlete who was a hotshot in high school but new to university sports, moves to a big city to be on a big varsity team, and on their first day decides to fuck with the best guy on the team. I've seen that happen more than once, and it usually involves the little guy getting beaten up quite quickly.

Oh, and then you throw Lucy into the mix, this is perfect. Julian is clearly trying to find the least inappropriate way to tell this kid asking him to cut his hair to fuck off, while Lucy launches into a long and unnecessary explanation of how her child got food in her hair. I've said "give these [two/three] a sitcom" about Taskmaster teams before, but rarely do I want that so badly, so early in a season. But I don't want them to write a sitcom together. I just want them to have to hang out and film their lives. Lucy could organize it, like Meet the Richardsons.

As far as tableaus go, this one's not bad:

To be fair, I guess I was wrong to assume Team Sue was being edited as a contrast against the disastrous performance of Team Cleaubell. The latter's performance was very good. But showing how much fun the Sues had together was certainly a funny contrast in chemistry levels.

Sam's story about the divers that were "not, like bubbly personalities, no offence [to Team Sue]" has again upped the already impressively high laugh count of this episode.

Ah, that's the sort of thing I hoped for when I heard we'd get Sue Perkins on Taskmaster. Her cheerfully calling Alex Horne a shitgiblet. Good stuff. This is all good stuff.

Quite a few more laughs in watching Team Sue drag themselves, each other, and a box across the finish line. That's some season six shit, reminiscent of Russell Howard and Alice Levine. Two people crossing a field while tied to each other and dragging a box - just some solid, classic good old fashioned Taskmaster fun.

I know Alex is kidding when he says he's going to "spoil" us with a location task, but that really is the case. A team task, a two-parter, and a location task all in episode 1. That's not common, but I like it. Show us everything we're working with.

I hope the editors had a really good time adding all that creepy animal footage.

Greatly enjoyed Lucy's story about being good at hook-the-duck in school (no idea what that is - is it a British school game or some shit that Lucy Beaumont had a dream about once?), because she could hook the ducks. I remain obsessed with her whole thing, whatever the hell it is.

First thought on hearing the task instructions: obviously you pop the inflatable duck, right? Does anyone pop the inflatable duck? It doesn't say you can't pop the inflatable duck.

And now we come to one of things I had seen spoilered, I saw a screenshot set of Lucy's utterly ludicrous talk with Greg about having arms where her legs should be. Amusing in screenshot form, obviously hilarious in the video. Lucy. Lucy, what are you? How do you work? Tell me your secrets.

I keep calling him "Sammy C" when I want to slightly ironically (honestly, not as ironically as I'd like to be about it) refer to Sam Campbell as something like the star of a sports team I'm rooting for, when I want to call him really good at the competitive elements because that's the sort of way his name would get abbreviated in a sports setting (I think I may have used the term "my boy" to describe him earlier in this post, also a thing people in a sports community tend to say about athletes they support, and I'm hoping my use of that term came off as a ironic even though in real life I absolutely use that term unironically and I was really being insufficiently ironic when applying it to Sam Campbell). However, someone else is looking so impressive here that I think I have to apply the same sports-style hype to her performance: Susie P! Susie P coming through with the lateral thinking of moving boundaries! What a classic! Fucking right!

...Is it weird that I think I've maybe never been more attracted to Sue Perkins? Which is saying a fair bit, as I was first attracted to her when I was about 19 and getting into The News Quiz.

That post-duck conversation was great, it's amazing how the studio banter is sparkling right from episode 1. They're all playing well off Greg and Alex, maybe a little more hesitation in playing off each other, but that's coming though. Great confused pleading from Lucy. Great sarcasm (that's not quite the right words, I guess - comedic condescention?) from Sue about the difference between a TV show and the law. Sam Campbell giggling in between them as they argued over him was a delight. But most of the credit for that what made that bit funny has to go to Lucy Beaumont - whatever her character is, she hits its notes perfectly.

Watching Julian Cleary get right up to a flamingo and then just not care and go right through it was funny. Obviously my favourites are the Taskmaster contestants who care way too much and get obsessive and competitive and argumentative and throw themselves right into it. But if a season has just one contestant who doesn't give a fuck, that can be funny. And I feel like Julian Cleary is perfectly suited to the "doesn't give a fuck on Taskmaster" role.

Well no one popped it, but Susan and Julian did find solid techniques. Showing that it's really not that hard to get it through if you spend about ten seconds finding a slightly different way to do it. I don't know why three people went with rolling it.

Okay, from a purely sports fan perspective here, nice that it turns out two people cheated so the one task in this episode (so far) where Sam did badly, he still finishes in the middle. Solid showing. Sorry for bringing sports competition into Taskmaster. I am, just so everyone knows, aware that it's the wrong way to watch it. I'm not like an American TV viewer who thinks there's a real prize. I like the comedy. But I really like competitions.

All right, this episode/post has already taken up most of my afternoon, so I decided to watch the entire live task instead of taking notes throughout it. That was great fun though. I always like the ones like that, where they get one turn at a time. Obviously got some good laughs on Sue calling Alex an "utter shit", and a bigger one on the "child of divorce" line (though that laugh would have been even bigger had I not seen a spoiler about it, I really need to stay off Tumblr until I watch these episodes). Loved the ending, that brief moment of glory when it looked like they weighed the same and he called it.

I can tell if Sam Campbell was being intentionally weird by not doing anything with the prizes after he won and then wandering away, or if he actually just didn't know what to do. Either way, that was also funny.

God, what a fantastic opener. Great season that it's setting up, I think, but also just really strong for a first episode. I cannot wait to see the rest of this.

[i-can-even-burn-salad]

AITA WIP Tag Game

Stealing the open tag by @winterandwords

Describe your WIP as if it were a post on r/AmITheAsshole

This one contains heavy spoilers for the Fancy Boots arc of Glass Shards. Transcript of the images is below the cut. There's also links to the images at the end, because I think tumblr compresses them.

Aaaand I'm gonna very lowkey tag: @starlit-hopes-and-dreams @antisocialxconstruct and everyone who wants to :D

I don't know if you wanna do something like this. Obviously doesn't have to be image format, I just took the idea and ran with it because I'm so very normal. It's a rather high effort tag game, so feel absolutely free to ignore it <3

I'm gonna tag some people from the Glass Shards/Fancy Boots taglist as well, just for looking at it, because I put too much fucking effort into this: @teamwhump @dont-touch-my-soup @kixngiggles

Lol guys I found a thread on reddit, it's hilarious, check it out.

Poor guy got torn to shreds in the comments.

Seems there were some updates as well. I'm having my doubts about this story, but five months is a nice commitment to the bit.

All images: The Post | First Question | Second Question | Third Question | Edits | Update

All screenshots look like posts on the subreddit r/AmITheAsshole, with several thousand upvotes and comments.

User u/ThrowRAFancyBoots posted seven months ago and has been voted the asshole:

AITA? I just wanted to make sure he's not a threat, but his wife is giving me the death glare

So I (25M) recently ran across an old acquaintance (35M). Last time we met… ok, there's no way around it, I was in law enforcement, and I arrested him for attempted murder. It wasn't pretty. Some things happened, and he was seriously injured. Wasn't my fault, but I admit I could have been a bigger help. I was informed he broke out of prison before his trial, but I moved away a short time later, and it kinda ended up in the back of my mind.

Now my new employer is in negotiations to move to this town, and while he's stuck in meetings all day, I got some time on my hands. And guess who I saw wandering around at the beach? I couldn't believe my eyes, but it was definitely him, he reacted to that stupid nickname they gave him.

Well, I did what any upstanding citizen would do, I tried to arrest him, but his wife (25F) — he has a wife now! — begged me to let him go. Ok, perhaps she didn't so much beg me as threaten me, but anyway, I just… I couldn't do it.

But I had to make sure he's not a threat anymore, I mean, what if I let him go and he kills someone?? So I told them I'd be over again to talk, and he invited me to dinner. It was an amazing dinner, this guy's a wonderful cook. We kept talking and I lost track of time, and then it was late and I realized I hadn't even asked my questions, so I told them I’d come back the next afternoon.

It's been 4 days now, and I've visited them daily, and I don't believe he's anywhere near the monster people said he is. Really, his wife seems to be more dangerous than he is. I think she's about to stab me. If looks could kill, I would be dead already. It’s making me wonder.

I just want to make absolutely sure, you know? Is that too much to ask? I didn't even come for dinner each day, so he wouldn't have to cook for me, though he still offered me something every time (it was absolutely delicious). I came along as he went shopping, and he was nice to everyone, and everyone seemed to like him. When someone asked, he introduced me as his friend of all things. If he’s an actor, he’s the best fucking actor I’ve ever seen.

So I'm asking, am I the asshole for bothering them for a few days while making absolutely sure he's not a threat anymore?

Several people have replied to this post:

First reply thread:

BurntSalad: INFO: What do you want to ask him?

ThrowRAFancyBoots: I want to ask him why he did it.

BurntSalad: YTA. It's been 4 days. Just check the police records or something, if you're too much of a coward lol

ThrowRAFancyBoots: I would have to ask. There wasn't a motive, it was straight up an assassination attempt. It doesn't make sense. Not when you get to know him. That's why I've been coming back.

UpperDogPants: then ask. put on your big boy pants and stop ruining their lives

ThrowRAFancyBoots: I will. Tomorrow.

Second reply thread:

CheeseAndPasta79: INFO: What was for dinner?

ThrowRAFancyBoots: Bean roast, mashed potatoes, glazed vegetables and freshly baked bread, why?

CheeseAndPasta79: YTA

ThrowRAFancyBoots: :(

Third reply thread:

SecretlyJealous2342: YTA you just want to fuck his wife

ThrowRAFancyBoots: No I do not want to fuck his wife, wtf.

Next comes a screenshot of the lower part of the OP, which now shows several edits and update. The thread has been locked:

Edit: Since people have repeatedly asked about the incident when he was arrested: his gun exploded, and he blew up his hand. We had to cut it off to save his life, and it… it was pretty gruesome, and I'm not proud of anything we did, all right? I didn't want to mention it, because I figured it might lead to prejudices before you've even read the whole story.

Edit 2: I don't think he's a killer. He really, really doesn't behave like one. But people wanted to know what I could possibly want to ask him after 4 days, and it's complicated. I want to know why he did it. For some reason, I can't seem to ask him that. But if I don’t know what made him do it, how can I be sure he won’t do it again?

Edit 3: Ok, after the latest edit, people seem to agree that I'm the asshole. Perhaps you’re right but can’t you see the predicament I’m in? And no, for those who were asking if his motives weren’t clear, they were not. It wasn’t a case of jealousy or revenge or anything, it was an assassination attempt, plain and simple. Perhaps he was blackmailed into it, or… fuck, I don’t know. This one day. I’ll go back one more time, ask my question, and leave them alone afterwards.

Update: I think I fucke 

Update 2: Sorry, I dropped my phone and hit send too early. My hands are shaking. I fucked up. I went back today (yeah, yeah, I know) and I saw something I shouldn’t have seen. He’s… it’s not my secret to share, and I won’t do that to him in case he or anyone he knows will ever find this, but safe to say, he was treated so much worse than I had assumed. I didn’t… It wasn’t me, but I let this happen to him.

You were right, I’m gonna leave him alone, but I have to go back one last time to tell them I will keep his secret. Fingers crossed I won’t end up with a knife between my eyes. Just kidding. Hopefully.

Update 3: So, uh, things took a turn, and I don’t know what to make of it, but… I think it’s a good thing? When I went to apologize, I brought something of his, something I had kept since the day I handed him over. I told him how I quit my job afterwards, because of what we did, because I couldn’t look those people in the eye anymore. And how I had kept this object to remind me.

I wouldn’t have asked him anymore, but it was him who brought up the question, and I decided to be honest, so I finally asked him why he had done it. I was right, he had been forced by someone. Not only the attempted murder, but also the rest, which I didn’t… I didn’t mention it because it would have made his identity too obvious and might put him at risk, but it doesn’t matter anymore, because there’s no fucking chance he’ll ever do it again.

I’m sorry, my thoughts are all over the place. When I left, he actually ran after me and invited me to dinner. I went, and before you call me an asshole again, this time… it was different. They were actually at ease around me. 

I’m now back in my room, and I can’t stop wondering where to go from here. If he really wants to be friends. We’ll see. I’m gonna leave it fully up to him, that’s the least I can do. 

I guess the question of whether I am the asshole has been answered (yes I was, big time). It doesn’t really matter anymore, but since people seem to be strangely invested (you should try reading a book instead), I can let you all know in a few weeks how things are going.

The last screenshot is of a new reddit post by u/ThrowRAFancyBoots, with even more upvotes and awards, two months ago.

Update: I just wanted to make sure he's not a threat, but his wife is giving me the death glare

I promised an update, but things have been kinda crazy. At first, everything was going well, I was visiting more often, and while his wife still didn’t like me (I can’t blame her) she was courteous enough. I would say he and I became friends, which is… fuck, I don’t really have many close friends.

It really took her flipping out at me to realize that I was holding the threat to his life over his head. That if I were to hand him over to the authorities, they were going to kill him. That I’ve been coming into his home, basically telling him “if you can’t convince me you’re nice enough, I’ll have you killed”. 

Yeah, you were right. I’m a fucking idiot.

And just when things started to settle, shit hit the fan. Turns out, he hadn’t told his brother about me (for which I also can’t blame him). Said brother wasn’t very amused to see me leaving the house and lost his temper. Not to go into details, but if my friend’s wife had taken a few moments longer to come out and check on the noise, I wouldn’t be writing this now.

I was out of commission for several weeks, which I spent at their house. His wife’s behavior took a 180 degree turn, and she’s been fussing over me ever since. Which is kinda endearing, but I hate to see her worry like that. Those two are some of the kindest people I’ve ever met, and it hurts my heart to think what they’ve been through.

Lost my job in the meantime, because my employer got sick of waiting for my return (I can’t… well perhaps I do blame him. A tiny bit. He could have gotten a temporary replacement, but fuck me, I guess). Not sure where to go next, I’m not quite fit to return to work yet, but there’s a chance the local headquarters will employ me directly, which would be fantastic. If not… I’ll figure something out. I could always return home to my family, but I’d really like to find a way to stay here.

Now I know my friend’s brother was just worried about him (for which I absolutely can’t blame him), so I decided to forgive him for attacking me. There’s nothing more important than family, and to think I almost destroyed theirs… I’m incredibly lucky to still be around, and to have them in my life, and for everything to turn out rather well, all things considered.

Probably not the update you expected, but that’s life. I won’t be posting again, I already put too much of their business onto the internet. Take care, and give your friends and families a hug today, if you haven’t.