#I’m willing to talk and work it out
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So frustrated by personal things.
#friend blew up at our friend group#I suspect because they’ve been going through some stuff#and they’ve said they think me and another friend don’t take their problems seriously enough#and that we don’t care#which isn’t true#I care a lot#but if they feel that way they should’ve told me what was going on#they should’ve told me how they felt#and we could have worked through it together#and now another friend communicating with them thinks they want us to reach out first#what would I even say#sorry?#and what about what they’ve said about me#what about their accusations#I’m willing to talk and work it out#but I can’t be the bigger person all the time#I’m tired#I feel like I’m always appeasing people I’m friends with#because I’m so scared to lose them#and it’s selfish but I want them to be scared to lose me too#txt.#personal
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brief reminder that sexual content is morally neutral! and sexual exploration and content is healthy and normal and fine. including for teenagers
you do not have to like it or engage with it, and it’s okay to be uncomfortable with sexual things—but discomfort here doesn’t mean others are doing anything wrong. block tags as needed, and if people aren’t/won’t tag things you want tagged, then block or unfollow. you curate your experience
hopefully this post is unneeded, but things have gone over poorly in the fandom before so I’d rather be safe than sorry
#kotlc#given some of the recent talk figures I’d say#and I’ll also put out that if anyone is uncomfortable please feel free to speak up#i have anons on#let me know if something I’m doing isn’t working#im more than willing to adjust#maybe im being overly cautious but I’ve been through the discourse enough before#so. hopefully we will be mature and communicative and responsible this time!!
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Do you guys think Holt and Storch Sieben ever hatefucked
#I think they have a complicated relationship I’ve been pondering it#bc Holt very much does hate her before the events of the Koliblunt force trauma incident#her initial dislike of Sieben comes from a bad first impression when Sieben was fresh meat on sierpinski (Holt is olddd)#she was petty about it but willing to deal with it to a certain point#but as her higher up sieben pushed her buttons one too many times early on#which is bad you WANT the senior medical EULR on your side in case of emergency!!!#i do think they’ve spent a lot of time together for work related reasons#they become not quite friends not quite enemies?? but a secret weird cold thing full of regret maybe#this partially has to do with how I characterize present day sieben bc yeah she’s a Storch and they are prone to temper tantrums especially#if not trained correctly#but Sieben’s basically one of the highest ranking units at sierpinski if I remember correctly#and you don’t get there without some degree of level headedness + when talking to her she’s not necessarily warm and fuzzy#but she also didn’t seem like a young volatile Storch to me#at least not anymore#I think about sieben a lot but anyways#roundabout way of saying that when Holt did fall ill with the infection it wasn’t ignored by sieben#Holt was visited by her once alone when her vision started fading and they had a moment.#a reconciliation? an attempt on sieben’s part to make things right before the inevitable?? or just wanting to check on her? who knows#I certainly don’t#holt#thanks for listening to the ramble I’m attempting to blorbo post more#and this has been rotating in my head for weeks#figured I’d get it out#blorbo tag
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God I wish we knew more about what specifically was going thru Jason’s head after his fight with Bruce, because essentially his entire worldview has been collapsed. He’s spent the past however many years believing that Bruce is ultimately responsible for the pain that he feels, that the entire Batman thing does nothing but harm others, and that the only way he will “get better” is by killing Bruce.
Finding out that he was apart of Jokers plan all along, and that no, Bruce actually DOES care about him and regret what happened, and actively WANTS to make it right by working together with him has to be insanely difficult for him. By the time he shows back up in game to paint the red hood symbols and get ready to save Bruce, he’s figured out that Scarecrow is going to finish the plan and kill Bruce and that he actually…doesn’t want that. And from there on now Jason has to spend time trying to figure out who he is again.
Not only did Joker put ideas in Jason’s head, but Jason also has spend the past few years with one goal in mind, kill Bruce. As far as I know he hasn’t spent any extra time on a side gig or playing some video game that he likes lol. So he needs to find himself again and figure out how to trust his thoughts and ideas and try to free himself from the joker.
#I’m the dlc he’s obviously gotten himself a new outfit and is working essentially as a pre n52 red hood. though from the way Babs and Bruce#talk to Jason in game I feel he’d have a slightly better relationship with them#and by better I don’t mean besties with them or anything but that they are more sorta…tolerant of him?#like I think Arkham Bruce is weirdly more understanding of his villains and is capable of having a lot of sympathy for them and this#clearly extends to Jason given how even after all the fear gas and militia Bruce’s response to Jason is just: ur my son and I want to help#and Barbra is very willing to argue with Jason over what he’s doing but also still sympathetic and wants him to come home.#so anyway I think they are reaching out more with offers of help and genuine worry for him. but not only do their ideas of Justice conflict#but Jason is still Goong Through It and can’t bring himself to fully trust them again#and he also needs to figure himself out without any outside influence#and btw none of this is me saying Arkham Bruce is better than comics Bruce i think they’re both wonderful and interesting and I like both#Bruce’s responses to Jason in utrh and in ak. they r awesome and cool and interesting.#and they both suit the story they are in#I was kinda just rambling through this and idk what my point is 👍 but I love Arkham knight Jason#arkham knight#dc#my post
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i still feel like the money from the egg figures is gonna go to the eggmins, including lumi and shade and anyone else that has left/been fired [maybe with the exception of like, flippa and tilín’s original admins since they were only there for less than a month but who knows]
like i agree that the way quackity is going about things sucks, with his mindset being that because he doesn’t want to make promises he can’t keep he won’t say anything at all, but i don’t think it means the eggmins won’t be paid. i’d assume, based on what he’s said, that he’s waiting to see how much money the merch makes before he promises anyone any amount of money. which again. is dumb, because if that is the case he could still just Say That. but i don’t think it’s a baseless assumption at the very least
#.txt#discourse#qadmin situation#sorry if this is worded weird i’m like half asleep rn#i’m still keeping optimistic#i know quackity has fucked up a lot and will probably still continue to do so for a bit#and it is very frustrating#but i can also see that he’s trying#i think he needs to shift his mindset a bit and work more on actually talking to people#even if it’s just telling them to hold tight while he works through things#honestly if things don’t improve within the next few weeks i’ll probably get a bit harsher#because like. c’mon man. i know this is gonna take months to sort out#that much is obvious#but if he can’t at least improve communication soon it’s like#there’s only so much benefit of the doubt i can give#but for now i’ll hold on to hope that he can fix things#idk i have a lot of thoughts on this situation that i don’t think i can get across correctly#i’m not letting quackity off the hook but i’m also willing to give him more time before i start saying he’s like#an awful person or whatever#i mean i don’t think he is regardless based on what i know of him but ykwim
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I always find it funny when people are more mad at a character than the people they supposedly hurt are? I get it happens when a fandom is younger or it’s been truely written incorrectly based on the characters, but a lot of the times it’s not and it’s funny to see idk. I am looking at the teen wolf fandom.
#thinking about sciles#i’ve seen people say it’s abusive on both ends#meanwhile it’s two teenage boys surviving a horror setting while coming age#even when they have justified reasons for being mad they SAY it and they work it out or forgive each other or move on#tbh they would hate the way some of their stans talk about their bff#they love each other srrrrrrrryyyyyy#scott mcall#stiles stilinski#sciles#stiles does not give a shit that scott hung up on him at the pool 😭#he was doing what he was supposed to! and stiles knows that!#scott absolutely cared that stiles got the shit kicked out of him#STILES CHOSE NOT TO TELL#because he loves scott too much to be used against him by gerard#stiles was willing to bury a body for scott when he accidentally kidnapped a kid i promise they love each other#and Scott is too good of a person for that ever to be an issue#ik it was said as a joke but likeeeeee#stiles would do it for him 100%#they love each other and i do not support turning them against each other#ESPECIALLY when the real enemy is the argents#the way ppl under reacted to the erica and boyd thing w allison was crazy#they needed real crash out friends idc idc#get that whole bitch ass hunter family out of that town#haven’t they done ENOUGH#i’m getting off topic i gotta stop
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I’m sorry but I’m never getting over Kendrick mentioning Drake’s cats name in the diss track bro.
#what the fuck 😭#rambling#I’m done talking about the most of it online because white people and nbs have left a bad taste in my mouth regarding it I feel like#whenever any black shit or art goes viral we have to have the same conversations about how our art is also valid and I just- it’s over with#but my sister and I have been 🧠 in#I’m just glad that more people have gotten comfortable enough to start publicly calling out predators by name#regardless of what sorts of repercussions it’ll have for their careers#especially someone who’s as huge as Kendrick man#that really means something#he’d have to reevaluate the people he works with in the future tho regardless of their legacies (Dr dre…. Kodak black…. and recently#posting a vid of xxxtentation of him eluding to the fact that Drake had him assaulted)#but I could care less about xxx since he’s an abuser as well so what would’ve been the point of calling attention to drake being a creep#towards little girls for over a decade if he’s still willing to work with a convicted rapist y’know?#I’ll always be a Kendrick fan regardless he does show that he cares a ton about our culture and black people and the sacrifices that we#have to make in order to survive and so on… he’s always seemed like a positive guy#obviously you can’t put celebrities on a pedestal but you get it#he’s that guy#I always look forward to whenever he drops any music because I know that it’s going to be amazing and that he actually cares about what he#puts out into the world#he’s not a numbers guy either he just seems to put out what he personally likes and what’s dear to him and it’s always nice to see artists#put their soul into their work#and make themselves vulnerable enough to share with the rest of the world#he doesn’t that all of the time man
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My Catholic coworker getting into crystals & candle magic as I, a pantheist and occasional practitioner, am getting into a few particular Saints. Like meeting each other in the hallway at school as we go to the other’s previous class
#talking to myself#i just think it’s neat#good for her#I’m a bit shocked the saints I’ve reached out to so far seem willing to work with me#despite me being a raging heathen and heretic by the standards of the church#took some explaining to Christopher about my situation and life but he seems supportive#idek nor care if this sounds crazy#eclectic as fuck
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#I’ve been thinking (and being alone with my thoughts like this is sometimes dangerous but what can ya do)#and like. I think I’ve been trying to make my standards high when it comes to dating to protect myself from getting hurt#which. of course? why wouldn’t I? but like. I think I tried to make my standards impossibly high so that when nobody lived up to them#I could just be like ‘oh! how sad! anyway it’s safer for me to be single because [whatever bullshit reason I can come up with]’#and this does protect me from getting hurt. but it also protects me from good things like. being intimate with someone.#which. if I were to be perfectly honest? that’s the only thing in my life I think I’ve ever really wanted more than anything#but of course I’m scared of that. because being intimate with someone requires opening up to them.#laying yourself bare and hoping they stick around after seeing what you bring to the table.#and like. I feel like I’m the guy who is firmly planted in one of the tails of a normal distribution#(and I’m not talking about the better-than-average part of the distribution if you get what I mean)#so like. I know there probably aren’t a lot of people who would stick around after I took off all my masks and laid myself bare before them#and I haven’t met many people I’d be willing to try that for#but sometimes. someone comes into your life and you feel like you’re ready to risk it all#but you don’t. because being vulnerable is a dangerous place to be. feeling as desperate as I do at times is a dangerous place to be#and so I’m probably not going to risk anything. but. listen like#why.. if my standards are so high.. is there this person in my life capable of meeting all of them.#and why.. when I’m this out of my mind for someone.. do there seem to be so many obstacles between me and them#why do I always fall for the ones who listen to me and show me kindness when I’m fragile.#even when there isn’t a chance in heaven or hell that it’s gonna work out.#why do I often think about how many times we’ve hugged. why do I want to live up to their high opinion of me.#why do I play the things they’ve said to me over and over in my head like a broken record.#why do I always have to obsess about the people I fall for. why can’t I just be normal about this.#like. this is starting to get in the way of my everyday life. it’s occupying my mind most of the time. this can’t be healthy.#in short. why the Fuck am I Like This and How Do I Stop.
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#had a multiple day getaway with coworkers to ✨bond✨ and talk about all the ✨changes✨#I am EXHAUSTED of having to constantly guard how many personal details you’re willing to divulge to have them understand the way you work#vs deeply personal things they must never know that are so so so trauma related or just. too personal to say#and it feels like everybody here is an open book and we come from such different base levels that there’s things I HAVE to share#to have them Get It and the Way I Work but not in a way where it impacts the way they see my work performance#or impacts their idea of me#but constantly having to weigh that……..#constantly toeing that line for three days with ✨bonding exercises✨ and being with them every hour (every minute every second) for days?#it’s a lot.#they told me I’m a bit of an island before so I try to open up more#but that comes VERY unnatural to me as I’m very private#you wouldn’t say based on this blog smsmsmsms but I’m so private no one knows a thing#is why I throw it out here#but ugh#UGGGGHHHHH#I am so tired man#and constantly being scared you said too much or ironically not enough?#hate it. HATE IT#I don’t have social anxiety but sometimes —#god dndndndnd
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If Kae is given the go ahead by a much stronger/male partner to peg them, he will absolutely go ham with excitement beforehand
#hc; kaeya#suggestive#//I’m talking sent bouquets; positively EXUDING joy and good mood#//Will send letters filled with gratitudes and flirty provocations to get them all worked up before they are to meet#//Will ensure any meal beforehand is the Very BEST and take care of all the costs#//Mans treats it like a fucken National Holiday#//A but embarrassing yes; but it’s bc he never thought he’d get the chance to#//He’d be so STOKED#//Would be the most attentive partner then; but also such a tease#//Wants them to be relaxed but also a lil bit snippy during—might be easier in them esp if it’s their first time trying it#//Would rather they focus on being fondly annoyed at him as usual than nervous#//If they’re good (and willing); perhaps he’ll treat them to fucking him from the front#//Either riding his partner or letting himself get fucken RAILED by them#//Deffo becomes even more doting and affectionate in his aftercare than usual#//Wouldn’t bank too much on there being a next time; is why he goes all out beforehand#//So he can thoroughly enjoy it#//If he DOES get a promise of a potential next time; he will be SO happy
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youtube
SOUND THE ALARM‼️‼️‼️
#mayor talk#THE NEW TRACKS ON DISC 1 SOUND SO COOOOOOL#AND IM STILL SO EXCITED FOR HELLO BUILDER LETS GOOOO#i’m still iffy on his cevio work [like.. i’d like copyright bitch more if any other vb was singing to b honest]#but god willing sounds awesome!!!!#oh and the aishite x3 cover…. i saw a preview of it when i stalked his twitter and i’m so happy it’s gonna be included on the album#yeah when this comes out i will be the most annoying person ever about it and i’m so sorry to anyone that talks to me#Youtube
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Does Declan ever become a carewhumper? Or is he pretty much a whumper only
Hmmm good question. Guess it depends on your definition of “carewhumper”.
Agh I can’t typeee. Usually the words just appear when I’m talking about Noah but rn I’m so tiredddd and I actually have to thinkkkk
After the flip, Noah has nothing left to stand for, Declan’s gonna make sure he knows it. Torture torture pain humiliation blah blah until there’s nothing left in Noah for him to resist. Until he just kinda gives up.
Then Declan’s gonna become a *tiny* bit nicer, maybe a bit more over time. Not really a caretaker, just less of a Whumper as he like slowly reintroduces Noah to work, just this time he’s gonna be fully loyal. He’s still going to like hurt and threaten Noah if he screws up, but that’s just so he learns.
I hate the way that’s worded so much but I do not have the energy to rewrite it.
There also might—might—be a few instances where Noah gets hurt too much by someone who’s not him and Declan will deny it until his last breath but he is actually a little protective of Noah. Mainly he doesn’t want other people hurting him cause “they won’t do it right” (sure, buddy)
That doesn’t really answer your question though. I don’t think he’ll ever come close to being a caretaker. If Noah needs any sort of medical attention, they have doctors for a reason. There will be times where he’s gentle, like after the branding when he helps Noah drink some water and lets him be on the couch, but I wouldn’t go as far to classify that as carewhumper.
Edit: I have been thinking a bit about this and I kinda do want to give Noah somewhat of a caretaker. Maybe a nicer guard or an infirmary worker who he gets a bit close with after Declan almost kills him (again). Someone to make things just a tiny bit easier, give him enough hope not to completely give up. Cause with the plot I have planned now, he’s gonna need something to keep him going. Poor Noah’s got it rough
#I should write an actual carewhumper piece#where Noah gets so fed up with everything he just breaks down#and declan decides by some random stroke of compassion that he’s not going to manipulate that#maybe#I need to finish yesterdays twow#but I’m tired and still in bed so later#but noahhhhh#he needs to be hurt#edit: still trying to think through his rescue#if anyone’s willing to help talk things out with me (read: if anyone’s willing to let me into their messages so I can spam write#as I try to work this out and be there to just like. give input on things that don’t make sense)#please reach out??#surveillance series#Surveillance asks#tag for noah
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ughh SORRY BUT I HAVE TO SAY IT the people you meet in engineering are just by and large so unpleasant I hate it here
#DONT get me wrong there are at least three very cool eng students here#but fuckign. come on we have to admit it. the structure of the program makes you worse and more annoying#out of stress out of competitiveness whatever#yknow what I’ve never heard in english class or art club? earnest discussions of crypto#elon musk fangirling#clique-forming based on whether you have a fucking pilot’s license#using gay as an insult like it’s 2014#physical assault#etc#christ be normal for a bit!! talk about something that doesn’t make me wanna kill myself!#tbh think the issue might be that smart mean rich kids either go into mech/elec or medicine#and there’s nowhere else in the country for aero freaks to go so they all end up here. revving their audis at 10pm and cutting off busses#no joke every few months I’m like huh I should try to make friends in this program. and I go to a social event or talk to someone or w/e#and then I remember that they are not fun to hang out with because I don’t invest or like cars or want a plane or drink#and I am not willing to sit thru that discussion until someone brings up something more interesting. usually there isn’t anything#see our capstone group works bc it’s full of adhd bitches. today we talked about eggs for an hour#ughhhhh. genuinely I think it’s weird how many ppl don’t have hobbies beyond gaming drinking and investing and I fundamentally can’t get#along with them and that’s why all the cool engineers are found in art club#or maybe I’m just insane and annoying who knows
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#I haven’t been able to write anything rly in Months and I just 😬#I want to I just. idk.#something is wrong with me my breaks aren’t this long esp in the middle of a project.#but I feel. idk! idk.#im missing the key long project ingredient of#’person who is caught up on my draft and is both willing and excited to talk with me so I keep things in my head#and can work out issues in the narrative while also knowing at least one person outside of me wants it’#are my stories just. gone lmao.#I don’t like feeling this way.#I’m also feeling stuck bc it’s like. if I can’t produce no one cares and if no one cares. it’s hard to produce.#I have the thoughts in my head but they’re unformed and vague and it’s too easy to dismiss them#im going to do. idk im gonna play a game or something.#im tired.
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Just remembered how one of my dedicated to people last roadtrip literally was like “oh actually I don’t think you can stay here tonight I have work early tomorrow :(“ after driving like seven and a half hours to him (and he texted me this when I was an hour away from his house and we had literally talked about my plans to stay there all day) like hello red flag red flag red flag
#the way he made me drive ten hours in one day when it was like less than a week after my fathers funeral like bro hello#he really was like idk you should be able to just drive three hours to your next person idk ur gonna figure it out#insane insane insane#not to be that guy but literally to be that guy I am so glad I am making my own plans to sleep in random places on the road and not staying#at anyone’s house besides Millie and direct family#it was literally snowing in the mountains of West Virginia he was like yeah just drive three extra hours at night thru the mountains while#it snows#GRAH MAKES ME SO UPSET STILL#AM I THAT SHITTY OF A PERSON THAT HE DIDNT REALIZE THAT WAS A SHITTY THING TO DO#me willing to wake up at four in the morning to get out of his hair before work just for a bed to sleep in and not drive#I literally stopped and napped in his bed while the he smoked weed with our West Virginia friends before driving the extra three hours#he should’ve just let me crash if he was willing to have me and three other ppl over that night#god. angry. okay. gonna go shower and try to stop thinking about dedicated to people. I think I’ve also decided I’m not even gonna try to#talk to my Chattanooga almost friend at least not on the way up maybe on the way back I’ll shoot him a text#it only cuts like half an hour off of my trip but like whatever I’ll take that time over an awkward hang out with someone I haven’t talked#to in six months#ugh having friends is hard I hate it#Millie I love you. I know you don’t really tumblr often and don’t even follow this blog but Millie forever#gives me as much space as I need but then we randomly call each other and talk for hours and then go mute for a week again#send each other random pictures or texts or videos and then call in another week or two#and then we meet up in person and just absolutely love the vibes and then go back to being low key distant#I love it she is so awesome Millie ily forever and ever dude ur so good and so cool I am so excited to visit again even tho it’s only been#a couple months#okay I’m back to ranting I’m still thinking about it. we literally fucked and then he (dedicated to…) rolled over and tweeted abojt thinking#about someone else during sex LIKE I WAS LAYING NEXT TO HIM#AND HE TWEETED THAT. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK. Not to mention all the just so so clearly ignoring me and talking to dudes on grindr while I was#sitting in his living room trying to hang out with him#still mad but I don’t want to be mad but I am still so mad he treated me like shit and I just was like yeah this is how having friends works#I was so dumb but I wanted attention and when he gave me attention it was incredible but so fucking rare but I actually cared about him and#he just didn’t care at all about hurting me while I was literally going thru the worst shit in my personal life like god I was so dumb
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